Impact Wrestling
Date: April 19, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s the first show after Lockdown and according to the previews, Hogan has a huge announcement for the night. That could mean anything around here so I have no idea what to expect. Other than that Eric is supposedly gone (why do I not buy that) and Roode retained the title in a pretty questionable decision. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Lockdown and Storm saying that this is a tough one to swallow.

Here’s Roode to open the show and he has short hair now. He says all of his catchphrases and says he’s still world champion. The kick nailed him but he’s still champion. He says that he’s beaten every one of the people’s heroes and there aren’t any left. Cue Anderson who says he doesn’t need a gun, a knife or a beer bottle to take the title. Roode says Anderson isn’t at the front of the line so hit the road Jack.

That brings out Hardy who limps to the ring just like Roode did. Hardy says it’s time to get selfish and end Roode. Anderson says he was here first which Roode agrees with. Hardy says it’s his turn but Anderson tells him to get in line. They’re about to brawl but Hogan pops up on screen and has something to say. He wants all of the champions in the ring tonight. As for Hardy and Anderson, they’ll have a match later for the #1 contender spot in the main event.

Crimson/Bully Ray vs. Matt Morgan/Austin Aries

Nothing wrong with combining feuds. Crimson and Morgan get it on to start but Ray interferes to make Morgan miss a boot. Crimson works on the leg with Ray ramming it into the apron. Ray works on the knee for awhile before Crimson comes back in to work on the leg, including a basic leg lock. Morgan avoids a charging Crimson and makes the tag to Aries.

The champ fires off with a bunch of speed and tries some poetry in motion with Crimson playing Matt. Crimson accidentally spears Ray and heads to the floor. Suicide dive takes out Crimson so Aries loads up the brainbuster. Ray rolls out of it and a handful of tights pins Aries at 6:03.

Rating: C-. Not much here but I guess it’s supposed to set up Aries vs. Ray down the line. At least that’s what the signs would be pointing to here. The match wasn’t bad or anything but it didn’t really make me want to see either of these pairings go at it again, which kind of defeats the purpose of the match.

Hardy says he and Anderson both deserve chances so he’s fine with Hogan’s decision.

Here’s Garrett to bring the show down. He has his Lockdown team with him minus Aries. AJ is in black gloves for some reason. Garrett says they won after a hard fight and got rid of his dad. Here’s Flair to say that they got rid of Eric BEEP. Yeah they’re censoring his name now. Flair runs down the guys in the ring and says next week there’s going to be an Eric party. He’ll drinking there too and those four aren’t invited.

We go to the back with Daniels and Kaz. Daniels has an envelope which apparently holds whatever he has over AJ. It’s over AJ and not Kaz. Ok then.

Joe, Magnus and D-Von have a quick powwow but don’t know what the announcement is about later.

Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles

AJ has black tights and gloves. The look really isn’t working for him. Angle tries a German suplex grip but AJ escapes….and the screen goes black and we go to a commercial. Seemed like a glitch. Back from what I guess was an early cut to a commercial. Daniels and Kaz are at ringside. Styles hits the springboard forearm but Daniels pops up on the apron with the envelope. AJ escapes the slam and Daniels shows Styles the papers. The distraction lets Angle roll him up for the win at 5:26 total, but about 4:30 was in commercial so no rating.

AJ is freaked out by the envelope and he doesn’t seem that concerned with the loss. Daniels says he has copies.

Joseph Park is still looking for Immortal but Gunner still doesn’t want to talk to him. Joseph stops him from leaving and says that he’s not going anywhere because he wants answers. Gunner says go talk to Bully Ray. Park seems cool with that idea.

Here come all the champions and the feed cuts out again as D-Von comes to the ring. This wasn’t as bad as it only cut about 5 seconds because it was said they were going to commercial.

Back and all the champions are in the ring. In the back RVD is coming to the ring and Hogan stops him for some congratulating. Hogan throws him in the #1 contenders match, I think because he was on the team that got rid of Eric. Well at least it’s not Garrett getting the chance.

Hogan comes to the arena now for his big announcement. Starting next week, once a month it’s Open Fight Night. On that month, someone from outside of TNA is going to be able to come on Impact to wrestle. They get to have a match and they’ll be judged by three people. If the judges and Hulk like what they see, the person gets a contract. So they’re combining this with his Celebrity Wrestling show? Oh and also, ANYONE can issue a challenge to ANYONE and it’s automatically a fight.

Roode obviously protests and says that’s not fair. He asks Hogan who he thinks he is and there goes his intelligence. If a champion gets called out, Hogan gets to decide if it’s a title match. You can tweet and Facebook Hulk ideas as well to determine if a champion defends. D-Von says he wants to be a fighting champion so the TV Title will be on the line every week. So to recap, every month someone from outside the company gets to come in and try their luck for a contract. There’s the challenge night, and there’s going to be a title match that night every month. Oh and the TV Title is defended weekly now.

Gail Kim/Rosita/Sarita/Madison Rayne vs. Tara/Brooke Tessmacher/Mickie James/Velvet Sky

Velvet vs. Sarita to start and Sky hits the Kelly Kelly headscissors. Off to Rosita who gets beaten down as well. Gail comes in and hits a clothesline for two. Velvet smacks her around so it’s off to Madison vs. Brooke and then Mickie very quickly. Flapjack takes Madison down and Mickie goes up, but Sarita pulls her onto the ropes for two. With Mickie on her knees, Rosita manages to hit a rana for two.

Mickie hits a neckbreaker for some breathing room and it’s off to Tara. Down goes Sarita and we get the jiggling moonsault. Tessmacher comes in and gets Salsa danced at. TNT takes Sarita down and dances as well. Facejam out of the corner draws in Madison and it’s off to Gail quickly. Everything breaks down and Velvet distracts Gail enough for Brooke to get the rollup pin at 5:40.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t bad but the whole reason it was there was to st up Brooke as the next challenger. Well that and to have eight hot women in small outfits in the ring at the same time so on both levels it worked. We needed some fresh blood in the division anywhere so this is a good thing.

Velvet yells at Gail post match like she was the one that got the pin.

ODB and Eric are on their honeymoon. They’re by a pool and Eric has a bag of ice on his pelvis because of some friction issues. A guy pops up and Eric freaks on him and strips down.

TV Title: Gunner vs. D-Von

Gunner jumps him and we’re off and not quite running. D-Von comes back with his right hands but runs into an elbow. Clothesline gets two for Gunner. He beats on Gunner for a bit until D-Von comes back with a shoulder block. Thesz Press sets up a headbutt and more jumping moves. Spinebuster finishes clean at 4:07.

Rating: D+. This match exists. That’s about all I can say for it. D-Von has done ok I guess, but there are so many other people that they could use in his spot which is what makes me skeptical of him. Not a bad match but I think I like this idea of the title being on the line every week. It’s a lot better than the nonsense of it being just at PPVs.

Here’s Storm for the big talk post Lockdown. After a break he apologizes to his family and thought that Roode being looked at by medics was enough. Then he had to drive home and look at his daughter when she asked where the belt was. He couldn’t look himself in the eyes either because he didn’t want to see a failure. Storm says he beat himself and talks about all the work he’s put in to get here. His biggest apology is to his dad though, because that’s who he let down the most. Roode said that Storm’s luck has run out and maybe that’s true. He drops the mic and walks away. Really good promo.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy

Winner gets Roode at Sacrifice. Everyone attacks everyone to start with no one getting a distinct advantage. Jeff’s sitout gordbuster gets two on RVD. Hardy gets sent into the post and Anderson hooks a chinlock on Van Dam. Whisper in the Wind takes Anderson down and it’s into one of the triple threat formulas, this one being everyone takes everyone down and no one gets a long term advantage. Twist to Anderson and Jeff hits the Swanton but Van Dam kicks his head off before a cover. Five Star hits Anderson and a backslide to Hardy gives Rob the win at 5:24.

Rating: C-. This was uh….short. It wasn’t bad or anything but it never got off the ground due to the time in it. I’m curious as to where Anderson and Hardy go here, but Van Dam vs. Roode seems like a pretty weak main event at Sacrifice. To be fair though, maybe that’s what they’re going for. Not a bad match but it’s nothing that’s going to be remembered.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a mixed bag for me. There’s some good stuff in here but some more questionable stuff. Unless Storm is hurt, I don’t get where they’re going with him. Then again I haven’t gotten it since they had the Lockdown match end that way. Other than the TV Title, it’s a wait and see moment with Hogan’s announcement at this point as there’s a lot of stuff to take in. This wasn’t a bad show, but it’s more of a starting point so it’s hard to say what this stuff is going to mean.

Results
Bully Ray/Crimson b. Matt Morgan/Austin Aries – Ray pinned Aries with a rollup
Kurt Angle b. AJ Styles – Rolup
Brooke Tessmacher/Tara/Mickie James/Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim/Rosita/Sarita/Madison Rayne – Tessmacher pinned Kim with a rollup
D-Von b. Gunner – Spinebuster
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson – Backslide to Hardy

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: September 24, 1999
Location: Flickinger Center, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 3,960
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

Back with the fifth episode of this show. We’re past Anarchy Rulz now and the most important thing is that Mike Awesome is the new world champion. Tazz lost the belt because he’s heading to WWF which was a major blow to ECW, especially after losing the Dudleys two weeks earlier. This is around the time I started watching the show infrequently so I’ll probably remember some of this stuff. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey open the show. Joe is like Fred Flintstone because he makes the ladies’ bed rock. Joey invites Dreamer to the ring along with Francine. He asks Dreamer about his bad back but Gertner cuts him off to talk about Francine. She isn’t pure apparently but Joel has a girl in the back that certainly is. That would be Miss Congeniality. She comes out and is pretty clearly a hooker. CATFIGHT! Congeniality came out with Doring and Roadkill and it’s time for a brawl. Since this is ECW, it becomes this.

Tag Titles: Tommy Dreamer vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The two of them beat up Dreamer to start because there’s no partner. Raven runs in after about 45 seconds and pins Doring with a DDT. The champions leave separately. Congeniality takes a DDT as well.

For those of you unfamiliar, Miss Congeniality is probably better known to you by her other wrestling name: Lita.

Opening sequence.

Dreamer calls out Raven for a fight. Dreamer comes back out but won’t get in the ring.

House show ads.

November 2 Remember ad.

Call the ECW Hotline!

We look at the history of Taz with the world title, starting with him making Shane pass out.

We get a clip from the PPV of Tanaka arriving and being interviewed when Judge Jeff Jones (Awesome’s manager) arrives and yells at Tanaka. Tanaka rams him into the car and walks off.

Post break Heyman is holding Joey back from killing Joel. Joel insults Heyman so Joey has to hold Paul back. Funny, but I have no idea what the point was.

We get highlights from Storm vs. Lynn with Storm scoring the upset. We also see Sabu beat up Justin Credible, only to lose to That’s Incredible.

We see from the beginning of the world title match up until Taz being eliminated. Here’s the pasted part from the PPV review.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz vs. Mike Awesome

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did. That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this.

Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz.

Little Guido vs. Super Crazy

Joey’s voice is messed up so Joel is on his own. They feel each other out to start with Guido hooking a cross armbreaker on the mat. The speed continues and Guido gets thrown into the corner. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker sends him to the floor so Crazy hits a hard suicide dive and they go into the crowd. HUGE top rope Asai Moonsault into the people has the crowd screaming like…well like an ECW crowd.

A superplex brings Guido back in and gets two. This has been one sided so far, and that would probably be the sign of Guido’s comeback. Surfboard by Crazy which he shifts into a Dragon Sleeper while the legs are still hooked. Lionsault misses and Guido hooks a sweet seated full nelson into a dragon suplex position for two. He works on the arm a bit and throws Crazy to the floor where Big Sal throws him into the barricade.

Back in for a Fujiwara Armbar, followed by a top rope Fameasser for two. Guido distracts the referee so Sal (weighs about 600lbs) can splash Crazy for two. The beating continues but Crazy grabs a DDT out of nowhere for two. He loads up the three moonsaults but hits knees on the second. Sal comes in again but his powerbomb is countered. A brainbuster pins Guido a second later.

Rating: C+. This was the usual great stuff between any combination of these two and Tajiri. The thing here though is that Tajiri and Crazy actually moved up the card after this, which is something WCW never quite got right. I could have done with a lot less Sal in this, but that goes for almost any Guido match.

Post match Sal jumps Crazy so Spike comes out and beats him up. There’s a three count so this was officially a match but whatever.

House show ad.

Here are Storm and Dawn Marie for a chat. We go to a break before they get in and when we come back, RVD is saying Lynn from an Impact Players beating. Johnny Smith runs in for a 3-2 beating when the lights go out. It’s Sabu of course and the beating is on. Sabu takes out Justin as Lynn makes his comeback.

We cut to the announcers and when we cut back the ring is full of people brawling. I mean there are like 15 guys in there and here’s New Jack for the big beating.

And never mind as it’s back to the announcers with like 2 minutes left to tell us who won the world title at the PPV. It’s Mike Awesome and Taz hands the belt to him. The locker room hugs Taz and that’s it.

Overall Rating: D. What a mess this was. These 20 second “matches” that are out of nowhere are really getting old as they don’t advance anything and are there to pop the live crowd. That’s the opposite of what WCW did, as everything was about the TV crowd. To paraphrase Lance Storm: “You look at the TV camera because there are a few thousand people in the arena and millions on the other side of the camera.” It’s common sense, which is something ECW lacked at times.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Anarchy Rulz 1999
Date: September 19, 1999
Location: Odeum Expo Center, Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

And so it dies here. No not the company as they held onto life, if you want to call it that, for about another 16 months after this. Taz leaves here though, as WWF came with a huge sum of money about three weeks after ECW debuted on TNN. The Dudleys already left about two weeks earlier. Word has gotten out that Taz is leaving too, so don’t expect him to be incredibly over tonight. Other than that, there isn’t much on the card. Storm vs. Lynn should be fun though. Let’s get to it.

We see Masato Tanaka showing up. He’s the number one contender. I’m not sure but I think that was Dave Prazak doing the interview. Awesome’s manager shows up and doesn’t like Tanaka. He gets smacked.

Cyrus and Joey do the intro you would expect before we throw it to the theme song.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

We start with this? Really? I guess part of anarchy is that we’re getting rid of the best match right off the bat for some reason. Dawn Marie’s dress is almost not even there. These are two of my favorites from ECW so I’ll be pleased with this more than likely. Jerry’s ribs are messed up because the Impact Players beat him up about a week before.

Lance Storm having his own personal woman is just amusing as all get out. Crowd is pretty one sided to say the least. We have a nice technical piece to start. Did you expect anything else? The fans applaud which is always a good sign. ECW fans were fair if nothing else. I’ve always liked Joey’s mentioning of the referees. They work extremely hard and rarely get the credit that they deserve. Storm’s chops kind of suck.

There’s a bad delay right before it connects and it makes them look really weak. The fans get bored with the match and would like to see something from Dawn. Cyrus gets a nice line in by saying that Storm is a step ahead of Gene Kiniski who was billed as Canada’s Greatest Athlete: he’s CALGARY’S Greatest Athlete. That’s a great line and could be solid for a heel in a territorial promotion.

The referee yells at someone at ringside for a LONG time with his eyes totally away from the action. Nice one guys. Jerry hits a nice plancha from the top rope to the floor and down goes Storm. Having Cyrus as an analyst is a GREAT help. Joey is fun to listen to but there is simply too much to have one guy do. That’s not a knock on Styles. It’s too much for anyone. Having an analyst in there takes a ton of pressure off of Joey and it’s helping a lot.

Cradle piledriver is blocked. Again, can someone explain the difference to me? SWEET pinfall reversal sequence that goes on for nearly a minute straight. That’s VERY impressive and literally gets a standing ovation from the crowd. They go wide to show it and they quite well should. Amazing stuff as I knew it would be. Cyrus points out that he used to be a wrestler which is something that needs to be done more often.

TNA has been doing it more often lately as they point out that Taz used to be a wrestler. He’s been retired what, 9 years or so? A LOT of fans likely haven’t seen him wrestle. How long has it been for King? Point out to the fans that he actually has experience. Jerry is a former world champion as is Taz. Let the fans know that once in awhile. There’s a chair wedged in the corner that hasn’t been doing anything yet.

Lynn is thrown into the corner but slides to avoid the steel macguffin. He slams his ribs into the post though and Storm goes after it like a Hart-trained wrestler attempting to use basic psychology. Lynn hits a Stunner out of nowhere to get us back to even. I love when wrestlers just bust out random moves.

It makes no sense that so many guys only use their signature stuff. Use whatever comes to mind, at least in kayfabe terms. Storm hits a knee to the ribs and hooks a ¾ nelson of all things for the clean pin? That came out of NOWHERE. It’s fine to end it that way as it looked solid, but DANG that was random.

Rating: A-. I loved this and yes it’s biased. Even still though, this was very solid stuff. See what happens with simple psychology and good wrestling? It works very well indeed and you get a great match that I was way into. This worked and to be fair it’s probably because they’re two of my favorites in ECW.

Joey and Cyrus argue about “the office.”

Simon Diamond is here. He used to screw Dawn Marie so he’s awesome. He talks in the 3rd person but has none of Rock’s talent so there you go. He is looking for a partner and asks for Tom Marquez who graduated from the House of Hardcore. And that’s not good enough because Simon didn’t say it. There is no man here to fight Simon. And cue Jazz. Apparently he’s looking for a partner. Which is why he asked for someone to fight. Got it.

She’s a face at this point and is in no way shape or form a Chyna rip-off. Nope, not at all is she, the woman that looks tough and is overly muscular and fighting men a rip-off of Chyna. Not at all. Diamond runs his mouth off and yells at Marquez, the timekeeper tonight, to fight Jazz. Sure why not.

Jazz vs. Tom Marquez

Jazz gets beaten up for awhile and then hits a mat slam for a long two but a guy named Tony DeVito pulls the referee out. Yeah this wasn’t a match. 45 seconds at most.

Chris Chetti and Nova run out for the save and apparently THIS is a tag match now.

Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Tony DeVito/Simon Diamond

Apparently Nova is the most ripped off wrestler in the world as whatever he invents is on Monday night the next week. While that’s true to an extent, I’ll let it go and let Mr. Joey Pot and Cyrus Kettle, call this match. Wow that Jazz is BLACK. WOW that joke sucked. Anyway, you get the idea I think. DeVito goes for a Rock Bottom and botches the living tar out of it. And after about two minutes Danny Doring and Roadkill along with that redhead chick named Angelica run out for the DQ. Yes it’s Lita.

Rating: N/A. Two minutes of just boring stuff.

They hit Jazz with the Hart Attack. A ton of jobbers come out to stop Roadkill and it’s just a massive brawl. And now we get the point to all this: it’s New Jack. Oh why does he have to come back? I’m sure you know my thoughts on New Jack by now. One of the jobbers in there is the semi-famous Big Vito.

Staple gun to the head of some guy. And we do it again. Make it three times. I hate New Jack. I truly do. Nova and Chetti seem to like him though. Ok to be fair, the crowd is going nuts over this.

Tour ad.

Cyrus and Joey argue some more.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

During the entrances, Joey says he’s more or less high on laryngitis medications. Ok then. Tajiri is in his traditional look now. Crowd seems to favor Crazy the best. They point out the three distinct styles here which is a nice touch. Well this is better than another combination them going one on one again I guess. Oh and Big Sal is now the Big Salbowski. Give me a break.

Yes I get that it’s an intentional parody, but if this was the other way around, ECW would be FREAKING over WWF taking another idea from them. When ECW does it, it’s a parody though. Yeah that’s annoying. The chant of Where’s My Pizza starts up. WOW those get annoying. It’s your basic spotfest to start: stupid but fun. Guido hooks a camel clutch on Crazy and Tajiri kicks the heck out of him. They set for it again and Tajiri kicks the heck out of Guido. Nice one.

Tajiri hits a picture perfect moonsault to the floor to take out both guys. It was of the Asai breed in case you were curious. Guido hits a second rope Fameasser which looked good. Not sure why but it did. Crazy one ups Tajiri by hitting a top rope Asai moonsault and lands ON HIS FEET. That was awesome looking. In a SICK spot, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip on Crazy but it’s blocked. Tajiri pulls himself back up, spins crazy around and hooks the Tarantula.

Guido throws in a great double foot to the face. That was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. Guido gets the Sicilian Crab at the same time Crazy gets a camel clutch. Tajiri was totally off the ground. Ton of sick spots in this match. That baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe is always great. Crazy follows that up with a moonsault to put Guido out.

It’s elimination rules in case you didn’t get that so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy. The ten punch count being in Spanish is always a nice touch. The handspring elbow hits for Tajiri. We get a Super Loco chant. When they get creative like that I can live with them. Tajiri blocks the triple moonsault and just goes off on Crazy. A SICK brainbuster ends it.

Rating: B-. This is an odd match. The spots were great and I liked them a lot, but I just could not get into the match as a whole if that makes sense. I think it’s because this has been done so many times now that there’s just no real reason to care about this match. It was fun, but there’s just nothing of substance to it. Nice spot fest though.

We throw it to Steve Corino who says they were going to bring in the Insane Clown Posse to fight Raven and Dreamer tonight. And they’re not here. Corino was the manager apparently and brought them in. Instead Raven and Dreamer get Rhino and Corino. Ok then.

Billy Corgin is here.

They rant about WCW or something or other for awhile.

Justin Credible vs. Sabu

Does anyone else find it stupid that ECW says Sabu is genocidal? That’s just a bit of overkill. Sabu was banned for no apparent reason. Justin has a restraining order. Sacre bleu. What a waste of my time. Yes I quoted Smart Guy of all things. The referee says it’s a legal document, but there is no law tonight since Anarchy Rulz. Justin drills the announcer for saying it and the lights go out. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the Impact Players got him banned for being too violent. Fonzie gets a table for Sabu. Justin gets a Russian leg sweep on the ramp which looked good. I’d expect that’s the only wrestling move for awhile. Sabu goes through a table for some reason. Did anyone care about Credible? I don’t really think so. We get a vague Kliq reference which Justin was a part of in the back.

Sabu hits a big spot and Joey calls it indescribable just before he, say it with me, DESCRIBES IT. A bunch of overblown table spots follow. I don’t care either. So since Justin is having his head handed to him, I’m more or less counting down the time until the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY comeback that gives Justin the win. Cyrus finds Fonzie annoying. That’s very amusing. Justin is bleeding fairly badly.

A kendo stick shot gets two but Sabu has his foot on the ropes. Ok, so legally binding documents aren’t legal, but the ropes are. Got it. That’s Incredible gets two. Fonzie slides in a chair but it hits Sabu in the head. Nice one. BAD looking tombstone (That’s Incredible) on the chair ends it.

Rating: D-. The only word that came to my mind here was meh. I just totally did not care here for a few reasons. One, it’s Justin Credible. Two, you bring Sabu back to have him job? What sense does that make? The match was sloppy as all goodness and just bad. Didn’t like this at all, mainly due to the idiotic booking as Heyman continues to insist that Justin is some ring god.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did.

That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this. Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz. Yeah this was a total secret right? Awesome hits a sweet Tope (Taker Dive) to the floor to take Tanaka down. This is your standard solid match with these two. Naturally chairs and tables are brought into play but you have to expect that in ECW. Tanaka hits a Tornado DDT on a chair for two.

And Tanaka gets powerbombed over the top to the floor through a table. Top rope splash follows that for two. Ok then. Tanaka no sells three LOUD chair shots and this Diamond Dust which is an awesome move. It’s table time again with Awesome in control again. Awesome hits a top rope powerbomb for the pin. Yeah that works but a chair shot to the head from the top doesn’t? Taz hands him the belt after the match. The roster says goodbye to Taz as no one cares about Axl Rotten. The fans loving Taz now is kind of stupid. Taz tells them to chant for Awesome. Nice touch there.

Rating: B. Usual good stuff here from these two, but at times the no selling gets annoying. Still though, this was a shock to some people and it was a nice touch throwing Awesome in there as people knew Taz was losing, so here we didn’t know who was leaving with the belt. This was good.

Raven is hanging out by a swing and runs down the majority of the feud between him and Dreamer. The “It’s Tommy’s” line gets me every time. And no, I’m not running down that whole feud. The thing was excellent though. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at the moment. Raven says he let Dreamer beat him that night. This is the Raven that everyone loved and he was awesome. He quotes Keyser Soze. How awesome is that?

Gertner comes out to interrupt the announcer and the crowd pops. And here are Francine and Dreamer. Man in the Box is always awesome so I can’t complain. To get it over with, the Dudleys were leaving and Dreamer stood up to them. Raven ran in to be his partner and they won the tag titles. They hate each other though and Dreamer is hurt badly so Raven is making him wrestle until he’s crippled.

Simple in a way I guess. Dreamer says he won’t be cutting a babyface promo. And cue the babyface promo. He’s going to wrestle no matter what the doctors say. And here’s Corino so I’d bet we’re getting a tag title match. Ok never mind as it’s a singles match with Rhino. Pay no attention to the fact that they said there would be a tag title match later tonight with these three and Raven which is inevitable. Yeah I’m not even counting this as a match because Raven is just killing time before he gets here. They’re just wasting time and HERE’S Raven.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino/Rhino

Jack Victory, the sidekick of Corino and Rhino comes in to help and a double DDT ends this about 12 seconds after Raven gets there.

Rating: N/A. Can someone tell me when the match ended and when it started?

Mancow, some annoying DJ that had TWO WCW PPV matches comes out with some fat guys since we have a ton of time left. They do nothing other than high five Raven and leave. WOW.

Ad for November to Remember.

So with 35 minutes left in the tape there’s just RVD to go.

Axl Rotten comes out to talk. Seriously, why does this guy keep getting on PPV? He wants the shot at Awesome. Please come murder him. Instead it’s the Impact Players and a British guy named Johnny Smith. Apparently Smith vs. RVD is the main event. Rotten says the people are cheering for the women and not the talent.

Insert your Becca joke here. Balls Mahoney and Spike come in for the save and Dawn gets hit with an Acid Drop. Smith takes a BIG chair shot and leaves. So Balls gets the title shot instead. Oh dear.

ECW TV Title: Balls Mahoney vs. Rob Van Dam

And we have half an hour to go and this is the main event. Oh my goodness this could be painful. So we have Lynn who is obsessed with beating Van Dam and we get….Balls Mahoney vs. RVD. And people wonder why this company died. So Van Dam walks around for a few minutes to kill time. Wouldn’t a five minute match be a better use of time?

Oh that’s right: that army of jobbers had to be beaten up by New Jack instead of having a quick match. So with 25 minutes to go, NO ONE buys Mahoney having a prayer here. Seriously, they’re just blatantly wasting time now. I can’t get over Balls Mahoney main eventing a PPV. Seriously, no one cares about this match at all. All I’m doing is watching the clock on the player to wait until this is over.

Are those punches Balls throws supposed to be impressive or something? Van Dam hits a nice dive from the top into the crowd. And that ends anything interesting in this match. Seriously, the rest is more or less nothing but punches, kicks, chair shots and Balls doing moves he botches. This got TWENTY MINUTES.

Yeah I skipped a lot of the details here, but other than managing to kill an ECW crowd in a town like Chicago, this is the least interesting main event I can ever remember. Just terrible. A video package of the show fills in the final three minutes of the show.

Rating: F. Balls Mahoney main evented a PPV. That should be a meme somewhere for EPIC FAIL.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t completely terrible. There are some good matches here, but good night the stuff that sucked was sucking hard. The opener and world title match were both very solid but the rest is completely forgettable. The three way cruiserweight match was fine for what it was but it’s been done WAY too much for me to care again. Not completely terrible, but nothing worth seeing. Storm and Lynn and the title match are good though.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Lockdown 2012
Date: April 15, 2012
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the second biggest show of the year for TNA as every match is inside a cage. The double main event is Roode vs. Storm for the title and Lethal Lockdown with Team Bischoff vs. Team Garrett in a match that no one really wants to see, even the big TNA fans. We also have Angle vs. Hardy in what should likely be Angle’s great match that he always has here. Let’s get to it.

Young/ODB vs. Rosita/Sarita has been added to the show.

The opening video is of Storm getting in a truck and saying that it ends tonight with Roode.

The regular opening video is a history of Beer Money and how they had a lot of success but they were never friends. This has a lot of audio clips from the showdown on Thursday which is a good thing.

Team Garrett has a meeting. Garrett wants to go first to earn his team’s respect. Great. MORE Garrett. The team agrees.

Lethal Lockdown

Team Eric: Eric Bischoff, Gunner, Bully Ray, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels
Team Garrett: Garrett Bischoff, AJ Styles, Mr. Anderson, Rob Van Dam, Austin Aries

I was worried this would close the show so this is a nice surprise. This is TNA’s WarGames match and if Garrett’s team loses, he’s out of TNA. If Eric’s team loses, he’s out and can’t use his name in wrestling again. Three minute opening period then two minutes for each one after that and Team Eric has the advantage. Gunner and Garrett start of course and it’s power vs. speed.

Garrett tries to avoid the power but after a missile dropkick, Gunner takes over by running him down. Into the corner and Gunner hits a running knee to the head. No pins or submissions until all ten are in remember. He rams Garrett into the steel and Bully Ray is out next for a two minute advantage. Gunner holds him for a running boot to the chest. This is pure dominance for about 90 seconds until Austin Aries is in fourth. The fans were cheering his name so they’re giving the people what they want.

Aries EXPLODES on Ray in the corner and gets in some shots on Gunner as well. At about a minute in he runs into a boot and Ray takes over. Garrett stays in the corner where he belongs as Aries, the actually good wrestler, does the work. A missile dropkick puts Ray down and Kazarian, with a nearly shaved head, is in next. The fans chant that he looks stupid and it’s a three on one beatdown of Garrett. Gunner chokes Aries as Kaz fires off kicks to the ribs of Garrett.

AJ evens things up as this is in classic WarGames formula already. Kaz tries to meet him coming in but AJ slams the door on his head. Pele takes Gunner down but Ray runs him over. Sweet dropkick takes Ray down and everyone pairs off. Here’s Daniels for another advantage. It’s 4-3 at the moment and Daniels gives Team Eric the big advantage. Ray pulls off his belt and Garrett takes a whipping.

Anderson is the fourth guy for his team so there’s just Eric and RVD to go. It’s the heel beatdown again but AJ manages a nice suplex on Ray. Now back to your regularly scheduled beatdown with thirty seconds to go before Eric comes in. Here’s Eric in business casual attire. He holds Garrett for a big chop from Ray and Gunner gets in one as well. Eric and Daniels talk trash as the clock counts down.

Here’s Van Dam and he cleans house. There hasn’t been a lot of that in this match so far. There hasn’t been much to commentate on because it’s been 17 minutes of punching and kicking so far. That’s what these matches usually are so it’s not a shock, but it’s still not that interesting. Eric hides in the corner and here come the weapons. The match basically resets here as everyone gets a weapon and Team Garrett takes over.

Daniels takes a bunch of weapon shots and Aries stomps away on Ray. Eric gets dragged in by AJ and Austin and the beating commences. Van Dam loads up the Five Star but Gunner crotches him. Ray lawn darts Aries into the cage but Anderson comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to Daniels. Kaz gets the spotlight now as he beats up everyone before focusing on AJ.

Kaz monkey bars across the top of the cage but AJ follows him and kicks him down. He drops an elbow down on Kazarian and RVD hits the Five Star. Ray takes Van Dam down but picks up a chair. YOU DON’T PICK UP A CHAIR IN A ROB VAN DAM MATCH! Van Daminator puts him down but Daniels pops up to take Van Dam out. Daniels goes after Garrett but Garrett hits his falling Diamond Cutter.

He covers Daniels but Eric grabs a kendo stick to pound away on him. Eric insults his own wife by calling Garrett an SOB and beats Garrett half to death. The fans want blood. Eric is the only one up at the moment. Garrett pops up and guitars Eric for the pin at 26:04 to get rid of Eric for I’d say three months or so. That was completely out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. This was probably the worst Lethal Lockdown I can ever remember. There was A LOT of punching and kicking and no big spot at all. Also the whole thing here was supposed to be about Garrett’s big comeback but really all he did was pop up after a bunch of kendo stick shots, hit Eric once and pin him. Naturally that probably means more TV time for Garrett because that’s what the fans are screaming for in Eric’s ears, but that’s life in TNA. Getting this out of the way first was a good idea though.

Tag Titles: Motorcity Machineguns vs. Magnus/Samoa Joe

The Guns have generic music to start but their regular theme starts during their walk to the ring. Methinks that was a glitch. You can win by pin, submission or escape for the rest of the matches. Magnus and Shelley start things off. Things speed way up to start and Magnus gets a clothesline for two. Sabin gets a blind tag and a pair of kicks get two. Off to Joe who is too fat for Sabin to run over.

A crucifix into a sunset flip doesn’t really work either so let’s try a dropkick. That at least slows Joe down and it’s off to Shelley. Back to Magnus who gets caught in a pinball series of punches. Magnus comes back and manages a fallaway slam to throw Sabin into Shelley in a cool spot. Back to Joe who pounds Sabin down to give us a face in peril. I think he’s in peril to another face but you get the idea.

The champions double team Sabin to keep him in the ring including a big boot to set up a backsplash for two. Magnus hooks a chinlock but Chris comes back with a jawbreaker to get out. A spinning spinebuster puts Sabin right back down and it’s off to Joe again. Snap suplex gets two. Sabin grabs a tornado DDT while climbing up Magnus and is able to make the tag. Shelley comes in but even that doesn’t wake this crowd up.

Sliced Bread is broken up but Sabin powerbombs Joe out of the corner. Magnus is knocked off the top and a top rope double stomp gets two for Shelley. A move I think called the elevated Hero’s Welcome gets two on Magnus. Skull and Bones is broken up and Sabin is caught in the Clutch. Sliced Bread hits Magnus and Joe has to break up the choke to make the save. The champions’ finisher misses so Sabin hooks up a rear naked choke on Joe. Magnus hits a kind of Michinoku Driver on Shelley and Joe runs out of the corner, dropping Sabin on Shelley. The snapmare/elbow gets the pin on Shelley at 11:19.

Rating: B-. This started really slow but once they stopped the tagging it got a lot more exciting. I definitely agree with the champions retaining here as there’s nothing for the Guns to do in this division anymore. Having them as something like Beer Money for the last year they were together would be a much better spot for them which is something they could do now.

Robbie E says he’ll get the TV Title back. Why didn’t this go after Lethal Lockdown to save the crowd a bit?

TV Title: D-Von vs. Robbie E

D-Von rams Robbie into bigger Rob to start. Robbie takes him down and stomps a lot, followed by a middle rope forearm for two. Time for the chinlock for a bit before Robbie goes to the top rope (yes rope, not corner), only to get crotched. D-Von comes back with a shoulder block and Miz’s Reality Check. Corner splash sets up the spinebuster to retain at 3:26.

Rating: D+. I get the idea of filler, but it’s still D-Von Freaking Dudley with a title. I could definitely see Ray having a belt at this point as he’s elevated his game huge, but D-Von is so average it’s unreal. He’s huge and has gotten in great shape, but how many other people would be better with the title? In short, no one because it’s never defended so it doesn’t really matter, which is the much bigger part of the problem.

Robbie T beats down D-Von post match, probably to continue the feud.

Matt Morgan says that he’s in wrestling to make money and win titles. Tonight, it’s about revenge though and the cage is a prison cell.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

No pigeons again and Tazz is upset. Her outfit is different this week as it’s more like a skirt. Madison comes out with Gail. Velvet grabs a fast rollup for two but Gail hits her in the back to take over. Velvet fires off some shots but Gail knocks her back, hitting a missile dropkick for two. More back work in the form of a backbreaker with the bending over the knee by Gail before she moves on to a knee lock, bending it around her own head.

Gail hooks something like a dragon sleeper which is countered by a jawbreaker. She misses a charge in the corner but Velvet is down too. Flying headscissors puts Gail down but she pops up to try and climb out. Velvet follows her up for some knees on the top rope. She looks for In Yo Face but settles for a sunset bomb for two instead. Madison starts yelling at Velvet as Gail tries to escape. Sky notices and tries an O’Connor Roll which is reversed into a rollup by Gail with tights for the pin at 7:27.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match ever but they’re not doing anything to help this already bad crowd. Gail keeps the title here, which I can live with because there was very little build for Velvet, but they need someone to breathe some life into this division. Gail and Madison has been played but it didn’t get mentioned at all here for the most part.

Here’s Flair for some chatting. If anyone can get a crowd fired up it’s him. Flair asks if the people know who he is and insults some fans at ringside for not knowing who he is. I think he’s drunk. He’s ticked off and that’s not good for who he’s ticked off at, and that would be Hogan. Tonight Hogan ended Eric Bischoff’s career and that’s not cool. He insults some fat guy in a yellow t-shirt and here’s Hulk.

Flair talks over Hulk’s music about how Hogan has ticked him off and there’s a good Hogan chant, the first solid crowd reaction in about an hour. Hulk asks if he can get in Flair’s ring and Flair says that’s fine. Ric sounds very drunk. Hulk says if Flair has a grievance, say it now. This is pure filler in case you couldn’t tell. Hogan says Flair asked if people knew who he was. He’s at Lethal Lockdown (is that match still going?) and here at Lockdown, Eric Bischoff is gone and can’t use his name again.

Hogan challenges Flair to a fight right now and that REALLY ticks Flair off. Hulk drills him and makes a funny face at him….and that’s it. Seriously, it was one punch. Flair says come back here and takes his tie off. Hogan leaves and Flair yells at Tenay. This has been going on WAY too long and it’s not accomplishing anything at all. The fans chant Space Mountain and Flair asks if someone wants to ride it….and that’s it.

We recap Crimson vs. Morgan which is pretty much Morgan’s feud with Abyss and Hernandez all over again.

Crimson vs. Matt Morgan

Crimson is now billed as “The Undefeated” on his graphic. Crimson goes for the door very quickly but Morgan keeps pulling him back in. Morgan walks into a clothesline for two as momentum shifts. Crimson rams him into the cage as the crowd is a little more awake now. He chokes Morgan on the ropes and a spinebuster gets two.

Crimson sets for what looked like the spear but walks into the discus lariat. Big boot puts Crimson down and it’s followed by a nice belly to back suplex. Morgan loads up the Carbon Footprint in the corner but gets tangled in the ropes. Crimson tries a quick escape but they wind up fighting on the top rope. Morgan gets crotched and tied up in the rope, allowing Crimson to climb out for the win at 7:26.

Rating: D. You know, if the time is such a problem tonight, maybe you could have this go a few more minutes and have the TV Title go longer than three minutes. It might keep the issues down a bit more. Anyway, this match was really boring as the feud has been put on hold for the last two weeks. This show is bordering on disaster at this point but there are some big matches to come.

We recap Angle vs. Hardy, which is because of Kurt not liking the way Hardy looks and acts, partially because of Angle’s son being a Hardy fan. Angle cheated to win last time at Victory Road.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Angle said that he and Hardy could match HHH vs. Undertaker here and he’s had a great track record at this show so hopefully he continues that here. Hardy’s paint is black and white here. There’s this, the world title and the Knockout Tag Titles left so the show still has a small chance. Angle’s thigh is taped due to a legit injury. Kurt pounds him in the corner to start but Jeff comes back with the legdrop between the legs.

They’re going very slowly here but it might be a slow build. Jeff whips him into the corner and hits the slingshot dropkick but he’s holding his neck. Jeff seems to be ok though and he pounds Angle down in the corner. Kurt slams him into the cage which had a great sound. Snap suplex gets two. Back into the cage as it’s pretty clear Kurt is nowhere near 100%. It looks like Jeff is busted a bit but you can’t see that well.

Kurt rams him into the cage again and walks around a lot. Oh yeah Jeff is busted. Jeff comes back with a clothesline and both guys are down. Things speed up again and Jeff comes back with some forearms. Whisper in the Wind gets two. Twisting Stunner puts Kurt down and he loads up the Swanton, but Angle runs the corner and hits a GREAT Angle Slam out of the corner for a close two. Kurt goes for the door but Jeff dives for the leg. Angle pounds on his head and goes for the climb over but Jeff pulls him back. Now Jeff goes up and knocks Kurt back, hitting a standing top rope Vader Bomb for two.

Both guys are down again and it’s Hardy up first. He goes for the door but Kurt grabs the ankle and puts on the ankle lock. Jeff counters into the ankle lock on Angle (on the good leg) but Kurt rolls out. Twist of Fate puts Angle down and Jeff goes for the corner. Swanton connects but he goes up again and hits a second one which gets two. Kurt pulls him head first into the cage and the Angle Slam gets two. Hardy counters the Slam into one of his own before going all the way to the top of the cage for a super Swanton for the pin at 14:48.

Rating: B+. While it’s not as good as Kurt’s other matches, this was a HUGE step up over what the rest of this show has been. I don’t ever remember my heart being in my throat for a spot more than that Swanton though as I thought he was going to kill himself. Angle’s injury slowed this a lot but it was still a very good match and a major help that this show needed.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Rosita/Sarita

Eric and ODB have hockey jerseys on. ODB charges in to jump Sarita and Eric doesn’t know what corner to go to. Isn’t this where Eric is billed from? It’s a comedy match of course with Eric thinking he’s referee, which causes ODB to get in trouble. The girls keep trying to seduce Eric as they work over ODB. ODB comes back, spears Sarita and hits the Bam on Rosita for the pin to retain at 4:17.

Rating: D. Was Eric ever legally in? This was a comedy match to bring the crowd down a bit before the main event. There’s not much else to say here other than the girls minus ODB looked good and Eric is still not that funny. This served its purpose well enough though so points for that.

The announcers talk about the main event for awhile.

Roode says tonight is a fight, not a wrestling match. He’s out for blood and they hate each other. Some idiot fan tried an ECW chant during this.

We recap the main event. It’s another excellent package with Roode talking about how he’s the champion and he’ll do anything to win and Storm talking about how it took ten years to get to this moment.

TNA World Title: James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Storm drives a truck into the arena. He has something resembling the AMW trenchcoat but it’s not quite the same. Storm jumps him on the floor before the bell rings and takes the fight to him. He rams Roode into the cage and drops an elbow from a table. The bell hasn’t rung yet and they have over half an hour. Storm blocks a cage shot and they fight up the entrance. All Storm so far.

Storm swings a chair at the cage but misses, allowing Roode to hit a clothesline to the back of the head to drive Storm’s head into the steel. Roode gets a beer bottle and Storm is busted. The beer is put on the steps as Roode hammers away. Montgomery Gentry and Storm’s wife are here. They go into the cage and there’s the bell. Roode is in full control and rams Storm into the cage again.

Roode yells a lot and the crowd is quiet enough that you can hear most of it. Suplex and knee drop get two. That cut is opening more and more. Storm Hulks Up and wins a slugout but a running elbow takes him right back down. Storm gets a boot up in the corner but Roode takes him down with a big clothesline for two. Roode does the cheese grater spot on the cage and the tape on Storm’s wrists are all covered in blood.

Roode is still shouting in Storm’s face and has Storm’s blood on his face. We cut to Storm’s wife and she looks as interested as parents when their kid isn’t on stage in a third grade school play. Storm comes back with a bunch of punches and clotheslines. Here’s the Eye of the Storm but Roode escapes. A catapult sends Roode into the cage and the Eye of the Storm gets two.

James walks into a spinebuster for two. Roode is busted also. Closing Time (Codebreaker/Backstabber combo) gets two. Now Roode gets the cheese grater treatment. Roode ducks a dive and Storm eats cage, allowing Roode to hook the Crossface. Storm manages to roll to the ropes but both guys are spent. They go to the corner and Storm fights out of a superplex but gets his head rammed into the cage.

Roode climbs on Storm to try to get out and he kicks Storm down to the mat. Storm climbs up and gets Roode dangling on the top of the cage. He’s back in now and they slug it out on the top rope some more. Storm pulls him down and loads up the Last Call but it hits the referee flush on the jaw.

Roode takes him down and has the door wide open but he wants the beer bottle. He busts it over Storm’s head and demands that Hebner come in for the cover but it only gets two. Instead of sprinting out the door, Roode walks into the Last Call but Storm can’t follow up. Storm superkicks Roode out the door, AND HE KEEPS THE TITLE at 17:39.

Rating: B. This company amazes me. If there was EVER, I mean EVER, a more perfect setup than this, I’d love to see it because this was as perfect as you could get and they go the other way. On top of that, they do it TONIGHT, with the crowd being as uninterested as they’ve ever been. The match was great, the ending…..oh dear.

Storm hugs his wife to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The first half of this show was dreadful, ranking up there with some of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Angle vs. Hardy breathed life into it and the Knockout Tag was as good as it was going to be. The main event was going strong and then they completely deflate the place (ok it was deflated already) with the ending. This was the perfect place to end Roode’s reign, but instead they swerve us just like at Bound For Glory. I get the idea of a surprise, but there are times where you go with the obvious. This was one of them.

Results
Team Garrett Bischoff b. Team Eric Bischoff – Garrett pinned Eric after a guitar shot
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Motorcity Machineguns – Middle Rope Elbow to Shelley
D-Von b. Robbie E – Spinebuster
Gail Kim b. Velvet Sky – Rollup with a handful of tights
Crimson b. Matt Morgan – Crimson escaped the cage
Jeff Hardy b. Kurt Angle – Swanton off the top of the cage
ODB/Eric Young b. Sarita/Rosita – The Bam to Rosita
Bobby Roode b. James Storm – Storm superkicked Roode out of the cage

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: July 4, 2006
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

I remember this day very well because I was dragged to a free country music concert downtown which was supposed to feature 9 acts. Due to the hardest rain storm I’ve ever seen, that wound up being 2. This show was actually a standalone ECW show, as in Smackdown was taped the Monday before but this was just ECW. The result: 1,500 people in a place that holds ten times that much (Survivor Series later that year got 15,400). It’s the old Main Event deal where it’s a full show but only the last few matches make the broadcast. This is a major overhaul in ECW’s show which is very interesting so let’s get to it.

Heyman and RVD are in the back with Heyman trying to get RVD on his side in something not important enough to explain. Big Show comes in and DEMANDS a title match tonight. No answer yet but it wouldn’t be ECW without some potentially big match being hotshotted right?

Theme song.

Time for Kelly’s Salute To America Expose, which is the usual thing (same song third week in a row too) in front of a bunch of flags. This would be light years better with Layla or the Bellas, who can actually dance a bit, or a lot in Layla’s case. And here’s Mike Knox for the save.

Mike Knox vs. Little Guido

Knox says Kelly is his so we don’t get to see her. The fans chant at him as they should. Guido jumps him to the pop of the night. He hits a dropkick to the side of the head but a second attempt misses, allowing Knox to take over. The fans want pizza and think Knox can’t wrestle. Knox goes into an EXTREME series of bodyslams as the fans think this is boring. Guido tries to get something going but gets his head kicked off and the spinning downward spiral ends this.

Rating: F. This match, if it wasn’t already, proves that ECW is dead. Guido was a big deal (kind of) in ECW, but here he’s a jobber. You know, like everyone that isn’t one of the top ECW guys. And to Mike Knox? The most generic of generic big men ever? They were going off on him here. Imagine what he would have gotten in the ECW Arena. But this is the new ECW, where the fans mean nothing and the ECW Originals are a stable 8 months from now.

RVD tells Heyman that it’s cool. Ok then.

Back in the arena a bald guy jumps the guardrail and grabs the mic. The guy is wearing what appears to be a priest’s outfit. He says this is his first ECW show and he’s disgusted by the sex, violence and language. This form of entertainment shouldn’t exist and if you enjoy it you’re a sinner, which gets the biggest pop of the night. Oh and he’s not a priest. He just wore it to get our attention. Yeah because WHO WOULD WANT A CHARACTER AGAINST EVERYTHING ECW IS FOR??? Sandman comes out and beats him up, meaning we’ll never see the priest again. I’m so glad this was included. It enhanced so much.

RVD slaps Big Show, accepting his challenge. It’ll be Extreme Rules.

Video on Test. He’s coming soon.

Test vs. Al Snow

Very soon it seems. Yeah it’s Test, one of the guys that got close to being over once and then never meant a single thing again. He’s one of the guys that’s supposed to represent ECW. The crowd things Test takes steroids. Big boot and a TKO end this.

Video on Sabu, who TALKS, and says he won’t be silent anymore. I was wrong. THIS is where they clearly didn’t get it.

We see some tattoos and hear a voice saying that he’s straightedge. He doesn’t do drugs, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke. His addiction is wrestling. His rush is competition. His name is CM Punk. Another sign that WWE clearly had no intention of this being ECW: Punk is the antithesis of everything ECW was about, so naturally he’s a face.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

This is just after RVD lost the WWE Title due to the drug arrest, so there’s about zero doubt as to who wins here. We get big match intros and this is under Extreme Rules. Show chases him into the corner but Rob comes back with kicks to the legs. The fans hate Show here as you would expect. A headbutt puts Van Dam on the floor and he gets crotched while trying his kick from the barricade.

You know it’s amazing: Joey, the free thinking announcer that went to ECW because he was tired of being a WWE announcer, uses the EXACT same lines about Big Show (you have to see him live, hands like skillets etc) that the WWE announcers use. Pure coincidence of course, because Joey Styles is different and WWE would never tell him what to say, which is why we need to bring him back right? He just goes renegade every night and says whatever he thinks. Van Dam gets in a kick and the spinning kick to the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Rob in trouble but he manages the springboard kick out of the corner. Not that it matters as he gets crotched and superplexed for two. The walking legdrop gets two. The fans are trying to be an ECW crowd but they’re in the wrong arena to do that. Show drops an EXTREME elbow for two as the fans chant marijuana. A bearhug goes on and the fans totally turn on the match. It gets even worse as Show lays down on the mat while still holding it.

Show follows that up with a backbreaker, bending Rob over his knee afterwards. There hasn’t been anything EXTREME in this match so far either. That stip has been completely worthless. Show tries a chokeslam but Rob counters into a DDT. Rolling Thunder gets two. He tries the top rope kick but Show catches him with ease and throws him to the floor. Show tries the steps but gets his knee kicked out and his head hits the steps.

A top rope dive is caught again and Show keeps control to make sure the crowd doesn’t get interested. Rob grabs a chair but it gets swatted away and the chokeslam gets two. There goes the referee and Show loads up a powerbomb. Rob grabs the chair though and pops him with the chair, ala HHH vs. Undertaker at Mania X7. Van Daminator sets up the Five Star but there’s no referee. Here’s Heyman ala One Night Stand but instead he turns heel and joins Big Show. Chokeslam changes the title as it’s Survivor Series 2002 all over again. That belt looks like a toy on Show.

Rating: D-. Not only was it stupid, but the match wasn’t even that good. If ECW wasn’t dead already, this ended it. To begin with, it’s a special match now that it’s Extreme, even though that’s the name of the company. Second, this was a WWE main event style match, but Big Show was the weakest main event guy in the company so no one was interested. Third, it’s another corrupt authority figure, which is WWE Booking 101. Bad match to end a horrible show.

Overall Rating: E. As in ECW is Dead. The company was done back in 2001 but for one night (in 2005), it was around again. The TV show was never going to be ECW, which is clear here for all the reasons I gave earlier. The Originals would be jobbers forever and the big muscleheads like Knox and Test and eventually Lashley would become the focus, which no one wanted to see. If this new show had been called ANYTHING but ECW, it wouldn’t be nearly as reviled as it is. Even if we ignore the name though, the show’s biggest problem is that it’s not that good. This is a really boring series and it needs to change a lot, which it would.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews