Tonight on Raw the Survivor Series main event was changed from the traditional Survivor Series match to….Punk defending against Ryback and Cena for the title.  If this is designed for anything but Punk pinning Cena so that he can retain the title and head into the Rumble with the belt to get crushed by Rock, I’ll eat my hat.  Ok I’ll buy a hat first and then I’ll eat it.

Thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2012
Location: LG Arena, Birmingham, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

We’re in England for another taped show here which usually don’t come off all that well. Survivor Series is in less than two weeks and while we have a main event not, it doesn’t really mean anything overall. The main issue tonight is finding out why Brad Maddox screwed Ryback out of the title at HIAC which is apparently opening the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with the announcement of the teams.

Earlier today (like the rest of the show), Miz asked Heyman what kind of a leader runs away from his team. Heyman says it’s the Art of War….and Miz QUITS the team!

Theme song.

We get a stupid narrator doing a voiceover about the stuff with Vickie and Cena last week. STOP DOING THIS ON WRESTLING SHOWS! IT SOUNDS FREAKING DUMB!

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/R-Truth vs. Prime Time Players/Antonio Cesaro

So much for Maddox starting the show I guess. Cesaro and Truth Tout to each other that they don’t like each other. Seriously? We go from Gabriel and Kidd to R-Truth? That’s the best they’ve got? The masked dudes make fun of the Players’ dance which is always funny. Cesaro and Cara start things off here and Antonio takes it to the mat. Cara will have none of that and nips up before hitting a quick rana to take Cesaro down. Off to Young vs. Truth with Darren getting in trouble fast.

Titus and Rey come in and the masked guys hit stereo kicks to a seated Titus for two. Truth does the same with a low dropkick for two and all six guys stare at each other as we go to a break. Back with Cara jumping in to hit Young in the arm before firing off forearms. Cara slips going up the ropes for the armdrag but it didn’t look terrible. Rey loads up the 619 on Young but Cesaro makes a blind tag and picks off Rey into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

That gets two and here’s Titus for a series of backbreakers. Cesaro’s gutwrench sets up a front facelock on Rey but Mysterio sends him into the corner. Everything breaks down and Truth hits a suplex into a Stunner on Cesaro for two. Young’s gutbuster is escaped by Cara and it’s a 619 and Little Jimmy from Truth to pin Cesaro at 7:50 shown of 10:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this thing about Truth and Cesaro “developing a rivalry” that fast is a joke. No, Touting about each other and being in a six man doesn’t develop a rivalry. It means they’re setting up a match at Survivor Series and nothing else. Stop overhyping everything immediately as it makes things sound stupid. The match was fine.

Lawler is back next week.

We recap Vickie/Cena from last week again.

Here’s Vickie with some IRON CLAD video evidence of the affair between Cena and AJ. She shows us the SAME VIDEOS FROM LAST WEEK. GOOD FREAKING GRIEF WE AREN’T THIS FREAKING STUPID! Cena comes out before the new video is shown to interrupt Vickie and make fun of her a bit. “Vickie Guerrero running a clean show isn’t going to happen. It’s like me learning a new move. I’ve got five and that’s it.”

Cena brings up Vickie’s relationships with Edge and Ziggler but Vickie doesn’t seem to care. We get the video of AJ in a robe going into someone’s room but we can’t see who. Cena says that proves nothing but we get a clip of Cena in a towel coming out of the same room to get something. Cena says the footage is bogus and Vickie says the lies are exhausting. They’re not the only things kid.

Vickie wants AJ to come out here but she gets AJ on the screen instead. AJ says Vickie doesn’t want her out here because it’ll result in the beating of Vickie’s life and AJ will get fired. Ziggler pops up and puts his arm around AJ and implies she’s a w****. That’s it…again. As in YET AGAIN nothing happens in this story.

Heyman recruits Barrett (POP) to replace Miz. That would actually make sense so I doubt it’ll happen. Yep, Barrett turns him down because he doesn’t trust Heyman. Barrett steps off camera and immediately comes back on, saying he’ll join the team but Heyman owes him. Heyman says ok.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

HELL NO gets one of the biggest pops of the night. Feeling out process to start until Bryan moonsaults out of the corner and starts firing off the kicks. Cody gets backdropped to the floor where Sandow jumps Kane. Bryan actually stands up for his partner by hitting the suicide dive to take out Sandow. Cody hits the Disaster Kick off the apron….and slides Bryan in for the Cross Rhodes and pin at 1:55? Great way to kill your hot crowd WWE.

Cody brags about the win and says Sandow could do the same to Bryan just as easily. Kane pulls Damien in, and apparently we’re doing the EXACT SAME THING that the Players and Mysterio/Cara did last week. Are they THIS bankrupt for ideas?

Kane vs. Damien Sandow

This is joined in progress after a break with Kane in control. Sandow gets in some offense but Kane is like boy please and knocks him back down. Bryan and Cody get into a fight on the floor and get ejected. Back to the match with Kane still in control. A side slam puts Sandow down and the chokeslam gets the pin clean at 3:58.

Rating: D+. Yep, it’s exactly the same thing they did a week ago with those other two tag teams, even down to the traded finishes. I’m utterly amazed at how creatively bankrupt this company seems anymore as it’s like they’re not even trying to do something interesting anymore. Between doing the exact same thing in back to back weeks and the STUPID AJ/Vickie/Cena thing and TOUTING to each other being grounds for a title feud, this first hour has been rather stupid so far.

Here’s Cole to talk to referee Brad Maddox. Naturally we have to see a video of something before we can advance though. I need to time how long we spend on recaps one week. Cole asks if Maddox is working with Heyman and Punk, but Brad says it’s all him. All his life, all he’s wanted to do is be a WWE Superstar. The fans keep chanting Feed Me More so this is taking a good while to get through. Maddox says he’s tried to get his foot in the door but it’s been shut over and over. He’s sent tapes everywhere and even once paid two grand for a tryout.

After all that, he was given a chance with a developmental contract. Even in developmental he wasn’t good enough because he doesn’t look right or wasn’t big enough or because he can’t flip enough. WWE told him he’d never get to the main roster but he wouldn’t let his dream die. He said he’d do whatever it took to get to the WWE, so he became a referee. When Raw got expanded to 3 hours, he only needed one chance to make an impact.

Maddox reiterates that Punk had nothing to do with it but Punk was shocked. Ryback and Punk and everyone else noticed him though and he’s famous. Maddox wants to face Ryback. Oh dear I hope that doesn’t actually happen. Here’s Vince to say that he doesn’t believe what Maddox is saying, but he offers Maddox a million dollar contract if he can beat Ryback next week.

Maddox gets out of the ring and Vince says hang on a second and goes to the back. He comes back with Vickie and asks her if she believes Punk was involved somehow. Vince leans on her a bit and she says she agrees, so Vince asks why Punk is getting to hide behind all these people in a Survivor Series match. Instead it should be a title defense against…..Dolph Ziggler? Vince says that’s the wrong answer so it’s now Punk defending against Ryback…and Cena. So to be clear, Vince can override Vickie (he threatened to fire her) but he just doesn’t for some reason most of the time. Good to know.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Show comes out just behind Miz to watch the match. Sheamus runs Miz over to start but Miz slips down to the floor to avoid the forearms on the apron. Cole brings up the White Noise from last week and Show yells a lot. Miz pounds away in the corner but Sheamus comes back with the Regal Roll. The pale one drapes Miz over the top rope and pounds on him with the forearms to knock Miz to the floor. Sheamus gets sent into the announce table and Miz takes over.

Back in and Miz hits a kick to the chest and puts on a chinlock as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting a top rope ax handle for two. Off to a chinlock as Show torments Cole some more. Sheamus suplexes out of the hold but walks into the Reality Check. Miz’s corner clothesline is countered by the ax handle to the face. A knee lift looks to set up White Noise but Sheamus has to settle for a powerslam instead.

The top rope shoulder gets two for Sheamus but White Noise is countered again. The short DDT gets two and Show double dog dares Cole to bring up the 45 seconds reign. Miz avoids the Cloverleaf and the Brogue Kick, but Sheamus escapes the Finale and hits White Noise. Brogue Kick gets the pin at 14:40.

Rating: C. So. Freaking. What. That can sum up this entire show. Sheamus beats up Miz which is the only logical solution as Miz has nothing going on right now and we’re supposed to believe that a win over Miz means ANYTHING anymore. Sheamus vs. Show is probably the best story going on right now and even that is nothing special whatsoever. As I said, this whole show seems like it doesn’t matter at all.

Vickie comes out of Vince’s office to talk to Dolph It’s officially Team Ziggler at Survivor Series. Punk comes up to claim a conspiracy and goes on a rant about Vince. Tonight it’s Ziggler/Punk vs. Ryback/Cena. Great. ANOTHER worthless tag match.

Regal and Sheamus talk in the back and nothing is said.

We get almost the entire AJ/Vickie/Cena segment from earlier.

Eve Torres/Aksana vs. Layla/Kaitlyn

Aksana makes me feel better if nothing else. Aksana and Layla start things off with Layla grabbing a quick rollup for two. Layla tries her bouncing cross body out of the corner and thankfully Aksana decks her while she’s bouncing to take over. A kick to the face gets two for Aksana and it turns into kind of a fist fight which goes nowhere for the British chick.

Off to Eve for a front facelock to keep things slow. Eve kicks away Kaitlyn’s hand to stop the tag in a nice touch. The bouncing moonsault from Eve is blocked by Layla and there’s the hot tag to Kaitlyn. Everything breaks down and Eve hits that neckbreaker on Layla but Kaitlyn hits a bad reverse DDT for the pin on Eve at 4:58.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t as bad as most of their matches have been lately. Again it helps that they’re giving them some extra time, which sounds simple but it gives them more practice. When you literally triple the amount of time they’re getting on TV a week, the amount of practice also triples. It’s still nothing to get excited about, but it’s notably better than it was.

Alberto yells at Ricardo in the back when Rosa literally bumps into him. They both seem interested by the other.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

During the entrance, we get clips of Orton and Del Rio fighting in the catering area on Smackdown. Has there been a match without a recap during the entrance so far tonight? Del Rio knocks Kofi down but Kingston comes back with a jumping back elbow. The announcers talk about who is going to be the new fifth member of Foley’s team. Is there a reason why Foley is involved at this point? Alberto pounds away in the corner and knocks Kofi to the floor.

Back in and Del Rio hits a double stomp and a suplex for two followed by a body scissors. Alberto works on the arm as this is dragging along. Kofi avoids a charge and Del Rio’s shoulder hits the post now. The fans are pretty dead for this. Some dropkicks put Alberto down and there’s the Boom Drop. The armbreaker is countered and the SOS gets two for Kofi. Kofi misses a springboard cross body….and here’s Orton. Well his music at least, allowing Kofi to roll up Del Rio for the pin at 7:45.

Rating: C-. This match felt like it went on for about twenty minutes instead of just under eight. Ignoring the idea of Kofi, the IC Champion, needing help from Orton to get a rollup win, the match was really dull with Del Rio continuing to be boring in the ring with his really basic arm work. Nothing to see here.

Orton comes in and hits the RKO on Del Rio post match.

We recap the Brad Maddox and Vince thing from earlier.

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. Epico/Primo

Primo vs. Santino to start things off with marella taking him to the mat. Santino asks for a break and Santino starts marching around the ring. Off to an armbar by Marella and there’s the tag to Ryder. Zack misses a cross body and the cousins take over with stomping in the corner. Ryder grabs a rollup but Santino is arguing with the referee for some reason. Epico comes in and hits a dropkick for two. Off to the chinlock for a few seconds before Ryder escapes a suplex and hits a neckbreaker. There’s the tag to Santino and everything breaks down. Santino busts out the Cobra and lays out Epico for the pin 5:05.

Rating: D. Another boring match here which went on too long. I’ll give them this: they’ve developed a lower card for the tag teams now. This one was for the crowd though as the fans love Ryder and Santino. The match was fine enough I guess, but this show has been so draining already that it’s hard to care.

Brodus Clay vs. Wade Barrett

Brodus’ face looks different. Did he have facial hair and I never noticed it? Brodus hits his suplex and a legdrop for two. Barrett comes back with the Boss Man Slam and it’s off to a chinlock. Brodus hits a splash in the corner but a second one misses and it’s the Souvenir for the pin at 2:58. Just an extended squash.

Heath Slater vs. Jey Uso

THE USOS ARE STILL ALIVE! Slater plays the guitar to start but Jey charges into a boot in the corner. Slater plays more guitar and it’s off to a chinlock. Jey fights back but it’s time to hit that chinlock again. Back up and a side kick to the face gets two for Heath. There’s the third incarnation of the chinlock but Jey fights up and hits a superkick. Then he stands around before doing anything. A top rope splash hits knees and Slater hits an inverted DDT for the pin at 3:58. The DDT is called the Smash Hit apparently.

Rating: D. I love the 3MB. They’re so stupid and goofy and they’re exactly what these horribly boring Raw’s need. They’re the kind of act where you can totally turn your brain off and just have fun for about five minutes. Their promos are hilarious and they make the show fun for just a few moments. I mean, we can do that on anything else on the show, so take it where you can get it. Also the DDT is a way better move than that sleeper drop Slater used forever.

Here’s Punk before the main event with something to say. He talks about how he beat Ryback but people are trying to taint his victory because of Maddox. Punk says he’s going to get screwed by Vince at Survivor Series but he’ll win anyway because he’s the best in the world. We’re at 351 days, so Survivor Series is a big moment for him.

CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback/John Cena

Cena vs. Punk starts things off and they fight over a top wristlock. It’s quickly off to Ziggler who gets caught in a surfboard submission. A bulldog puts Ziggler down and it’s off to Punk who is hiptossed for two. Double teaming puts Cena down and Ziggler drops about ten elbows for a two count. Back to Punk for a kick to the back of Cena’s head for two. Punk works on the arm but Cena hits an AA out of nowhere to put Punk down.

Back to Dolph who gets two off a Fameasser as does Punk off a neckbreaker. An electric chair puts Punk down again and it’s back to Ziggler. Dolph goes up but misses a missile dropkick and there’s the hot tag to Ryback to face Punk. Ryback destroys both guys and Meathooks Ziggler to the floor. Another Meathook puts Punk down and the Shell Shock gets the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C. This was your normal main event tag and it’s so cute that they want us to believe that Ryback has a chance in the main event of the PPV. Cena is there so they can keep the title on Punk without having Ryback get pinned again, because the stupid Rock vs. Punk match needs to happen, because….screw it. This is freaking dumb and having the match set seven months in advance was STUPID because no matter what Punk does, he’s never near Rock or Cena’s level and no one is going to believe Punk has a chance against Rock, but in modern WWE, who freaking cares because that’s what they want to do.

Ryback and Cena stare at each other to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling on this show, while long and drawn out at times, was mostly fine with some decent matches, but at the end of the day the show falls apart in the third hour when it’s clear that they’re filling in time however they can. The fact that they’ve changed the entire top of the card of the PPV a week later tells me they have no idea what they’re doing and no plan at all. Tonight’s show felt like it should have ended at about 10pm and the last few matches just dragged and dragged, which isn’t something you want to see.

I have no idea what they think they’re going to do to fix things, but if they think Rock is the solution to all of their problems, they’re in trouble. WWE has been able to turn it on in a single night before, but this is as bad as I can remember it being. It’s like they have no clue what they want to do or where any of this is going. Cena and Vickie’s feud is now thrown into a world title match which has nothing to do with Vickie and Ziggler is in the Survivor Series match to somehow feud with Foley who wasn’t even here tonight. This show is a huge mess anymore and a lot needs to change, starting with losing an hour.

Results

R-Truth/Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Antonio Cesaro/Prime Time Players – Little Jimmy to Cesaro

Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Rhodes

Kane b. Damien Sandow – Chokeslam

Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick

Kaitlyn/Layla b. Aksana/Eve Torres – Reverse DDT to Eve

Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder b. Primo/Epico – Cobra to Epico

Wade Barrett b. Brodus Clay – Souvenir

Heath Slater b. Jey Uso – Smash Hit

Ryback/John Cena b. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler – Shell Shock to Ziggler

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 29, 2012
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

It’s past HIAC and we’re on the way to Survivor Series now. Ryback got screwed over by the referee that Punk and Heyman yelled at a few weeks ago because of the botched call in the Cena match. Other than that we’ve got Big Show as Smackdown Champion in a decision I like the less I see it. I’m not sure what’s coming tonight but let’s get to it.

Here’s a very banged up champion (Punk) to open the show. He says everyone thought, nay they KNEW, that Punk would be just another victim (hi Taz) in the path of destruction of Ryback. Punk points at a lot of people and says they were wrong. He talks about beating all of the heroes the WWE fans have: Mysterio, Orton, Cena, and now Ryback. As for the referee last night, he had nothing to do with it and only took advantage of the situation. He talks about how awesome his reign is and how there’s no rematch with Ryback.

Cue Foley with an interruption that annoys Punk. Punk: “It’s a homeless guy who got misplaced by the storms in the northeast.” Foley talks about how Ryback left Punk laying on top of the Cell and Punk wants to know why Foley is here. Mick talks about how he told Punk to make himself famous in the Cell instead of cheating again. Punk says that the bandages on his body are the results of doing what Foley told him to do.

Punk rips into the audience a bit and says that the belt is what represents tradition for the last 344 days. The champ throws out the idea of Team Foley vs. Team Punk at Survivor Series and Foley says you’re on. Cue Ryback and Punk runs. No word on if Foley is wrestling in the match or not.

Ryback vs. JTG

Meathook, Shell Shock, 1:58. A lot of that was JTG walking around and a Thesz Press into the head smashes into the mat.

Post match Ryback…..talks? He says that revenge is an admission of pain. He isn’t hurt and the next time he feasts, it will be on Punk. FEED ME PUNK.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

Is there some rule that says if you have one match, you have to have it again on the next TV show? Orton dropkicks Wade to the floor but Wade goes after the bad arm. Randy is like DRAMATIC STARE and rams Wade into the steps and the announce table. Back in and Orton hits the Circle Stomp followed by a clothesline to take Barrett to the floor. Uh oh, it’s been less than five minutes since we had a commercial, so let’s go to a break.

Back with Barrett holding an armbar followed by a different variety of an armbar (that’s a good thing) to have Orton in trouble. Wade cranks the arm and sends Orton down to the mat for two. There’s the big boot to Orton in the ropes which gets another two. Orton comes back with his usual stuff (clotheslines, powerslam, you know the deal) but after the Elevated DDT, the RKO is countered into the Winds of Change for two. Not that it matters as the second attempt at the RKO gets the pin at 10:11.

Rating: C. I like Barrett, but YET AGAIN he’s a guy that gets off to a hot start and then turns into cannon fodder for the established names. But hey, it’s his fault for not getting over right? To be fair, Barrett at least gets in a good deal of offense and never looks like a clueless putz out there. This was nothing compared to their match on Smackdown though.

We go to Vickie and AJ in the back with AJ possibly getting a job as a Diva back. Vickie asks what AJ thinks her weakness is and she says she gets too attached to her job. Vickie says that means you’re crazy right? AJ has to come up with a good reason to get her job back when Vickie gets back.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Lose on PPV, fight the champions on Raw. Makes sense. Bryan fires off kicks to Young to start but Kane tags himself in and beats on Darren a bit as well. Young takes over on Bryan as Cole called him Darren O’Neil. Bryan realizes he’s getting beaten up by Darren Young and makes the tag to Kane. The side slam sets up the top rope clothesline and a chokeslam kills Young. Titus is shoved to the floor and the NO Lock gets the tap from Young at 4:22.

Rating: D+. Total squash here as the Players, who three months ago seemed like the next champions, are now the tag team jobbers. At least the champions get to look good here which is the right idea for them. The bickering is still funny but I’d like a few more comedy bits from them which have just stopped happening anymore.

The champs argue post match.

We recap the opening promo.

We recap the history of Brad Maddox, with the guy being brought in as a referee when we needed more for the three hour shows. He messed up a count on Punk in a tag match and then somehow his next major appearance is refereeing a world title match in the main event of a PPV. Makes sense.

Here’s Vickie to talk about the new era on Raw. This would be the third new era on Raw this year if you’re counting. She has evidence of AJ and Cena’s inappropriate relationship and brings out Cena to present it. We get a clip from three weeks ago where Cena jokingly asked AJ out on a date. Cena talks about how he tells jokes all the time but Vickie has more footage of Cena hugging a crying AJ. Vickie shows us a still of Cena at dinner with AJ. Cena is wearing his t-shirt and there’s a candle.

The last video is Cena in his hotel doorway and Cena seemingly inviting AJ in. Apparently it was an elevator. Cena says it was nothing and they went their separate ways. Vickie laughs evil and insults AJ, but Cena defends her. FINALLY Ziggler comes out to hopefully make this something resembling interesting if you have 20/4000 vision and squint. Cena says don’t talk about him and AJ anymore and shoves Ziggler down. This felt like WWE ripping off the Claire Lynch story.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

Antonio makes fun of America having fat kids which is going to get worse because of Halloween. Miz is on commentary and neither title is on the line. Cole talks about how Kofi has beaten Miz three times in a row. Yet the feud looks to be continuing. You know: because THAT MAKES SENSE. Miz lists off his accomplishments as Cesaro slams Kofi down and double stomps him. After a chinlock goes on for a bit they head to the floor where Kofi throws Cesaro at Miz. Miz interferes for the DQ at 2:32.

The heels beat down Kofi post match until Truth makes the save.

Vickie continues to annoy AJ and offers to give AJ a job as a Diva if AJ admits to the affair. Vickie hires her back anyway and AJ gets to face Beth Phoenix tonight.

We go Behind the Music with 3MB. Mahal says he’s the fun one and Drew talks about his looks. They refuse to perform and THEY HAVE HAND SIGNS. This was so campy that it was AWESOME.

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. 3MB

Drew is on the floor for this. Mahal and Ryder start things off with Ryder taking over. Mahal gets in a knee and it’s off to Slater who takes over. Ryder gets beaten on for awhile before Santino gets the tag. Everything breaks down and the match gets REALLY sloppy until Santino Cobras McIntyre, allowing Slater to hit MVP’s Play of the Day for the pin at 3:51.

Rating: D. It’s 9:37pm EST right now and 3MB has been by far and away the most entertaining thing on this show. Here’s why: it’s the only thing (other than maybe HELL NO) that isn’t being treated as the most serious thing on the planet. It’s something FUN, which is probably the biggest problem on Raw right now: everything is treated so seriously and it’s hard to sit through as it gets tiring after awhile. Sometimes it’s ok to just throw something light and silly out there and let the fans know they’re watching an entertainment show, not a high strung drama.

Jerry Lawler returns to Raw in two weeks. That’s awesome.

AJ vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth glares at AJ to start and says AJ should be scared. Beth shoves her and AJ goes nuts, but Beth slams her down onto the mat. AJ gets her face rubbed into the mat and we head to the floor. AJ gets rammed into the barricade but back inside she grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:08.

Vickie comes out post match and demands more from AJ. Beth jumps her so Vickie says restart the match. Glam Slam gets the pin in like ten seconds.

Video on WWE 13.

Here’s Sheamus sans belt for the first time in months. He says that he’s got a smile on his face but no title. Show was the better man last night but it took two knockout punches to do it. He didn’t come to WWE to win all the time. He came here to fight. Last night was the greatest fight of his life and Big Show won. The war is far from over though and he wants a rematch with Big Show. After the war is over, he’ll be smiling and still champion.

Cue Big Show who is very happy to have the title back. He says that the fight last night took him to levels that he didn’t know he could reach and thinks that no one can beat him. If Sheamus fights him again, it’s going to take more than Sheamus has to win. Sheamus can’t beat him and he’ll never take the title from him. He calls Sheamus a ginger snap, so Sheamus picks him up and hits White Noise with ease. That’s scary power.

Cena is with AJ in the back and says it’ll be ok. Cena leaves and Vickie pops up to yell at….Beth. Vickie FIRES Beth because the match shouldn’t have needed to be restarted. That’s how they’re writing her off TV I guess.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Cara and Sandow start things off and Damien is quickly frustrated. Off to Cody who gets kicked by both guys and covered for two by Rey. The Scholars cheat and take over on Rey but the masked dudes start cheating as well. Cara hits a PERFECT Asai Moonsault to take Cody out as Rey hits a seated senton off the apron on Sandow as we take ANOTHER FREAKING BREAK.

Back with Damien tagging in Cody to work on the down Sin Cara. A long delayed gordbuster gets two for Cody and it’s time for arm work. Damien comes in and does nothing but Cara reverses an Alabama Slam into a sunset flip for two. Cara’s spinning mat slam puts Cody down and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey speeds things up but gets sent to the floor where the Scholars double team him to take over. Sandow comes in and hits the Wind Up Elbow before tagging back to Rhodes.

Rey counters a double suplex into a double DDT and there’s the tag to Cara. Cara hits a top rope cross body on Rhodes and an enziguri on Sandow for two before going to the floor with Cody. Everything breaks down and Cody pulls Sandow out of the way of a Swanton from Cara, allowing Sandow to hit the Terminus for the pin at 14:43.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but it’s the weekly match that gets extended because we can only stretch out so many recaps and stupid segments. The match was fine, but was there any reason to have the masked guys lose tonight? Why not have them off the card, have Santino/Marella lose here, and have some other random team put the Band over? It’s like you could keep the masked guys hot and put the Scholars over at the same time!

Foley is playing a video game when Heyman comes up and they banter about the Survivor Series match a bit.

Video on breast cancer. Make that a long one about it. Eh it’s the last show of the month with this stuff. The roster (most of it) comes on stage and Cena presents a check to the Susan G Komen Foundation in the amount of one million dollars. Ok that’s awesome. The people from the foundation speak a bit.

Justin Gabriel vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto pounds him down to start but Gabriel comes back with a corner clothesline. Gabriel sends him to the floor but Del Rio wrenches Gabriel’s arm to take over. Off to an arm hold as Ricardo yells at a Hogan fan at ringside. A suplex puts Gabriel down and it’s back to the arm hold. Del Rio kicks him in the back a bit and puts the hold on for a third time. Gabriel comes back and hits his top rope Lionsault but it’s the armbreaker for the tap at 5:20.

Rating: D+. Gabriel beats the US Champion last week, loses to him last night, then gets squashed tonight. All those fans that looked at Gabriel as something new, SCREW YOU! HE’S A LOSER! That’s the WWE idea anymore: keep people looking weak even if they’re big names, because only a few people are allowed to stay pushed.

Here are Heyman and Punk to announce the Survivor Series teams. Punk comes out in a WWE 13 video game hoodie. A big banner comes down with the cover of the game on it. Heyman has been asked to pick Team Punk, so his first name is The Miz. He’s also picked the Rhodes Scholars and Alberto. If it’s not clear at this point who most of Foley’s team is (assuming he’s not wrestling), you need to pay better attention.

Punk runs his mouth a bit before Foley cuts him off again. Foley says Punk weaseled his way out of the Cell last night instead of surviving. He has no problem referring to Punk as champion, but he does have a problem addressing him as a man. Foley’s team is about what you would expect: Kofi (no belt), HELL NO (no belts either), Orton and….Punk starts running his mouth when he thinks Foley is the fifth man. Since….you know what, screw the joke. Ryback is the fifth man, Punk is suddenly an IDIOT that didn’t see that coming, and a brawl (Punk runs from Ryback) won by Team Foley with Cody getting killed by Ryback ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was another bad three hour Raw which is the norm. I’m not going to go into full details of why I didn’t like this Raw as I don’t have the time right now to get into everything in depth, but for now, we’ll go with this: you may have heard of something called comic relief. Think about that term for a second.

It’s comedy used to take pressure off something. That’s what this show is dying for right now. Other than the 3MB and maybe HELL NO, everything is serious. We’ve got people fighting to keep their jobs, accusations of affairs, war, and CANCER. It’s ok to do something stupid every now and then and it can really make things better. In short, lighten up already. It’s not the most serious show in the world.

I know that’s not much to go on, but I’ll be back tomorrow (or Wednesday) with a much more in depth look at what I think is wrong with WWE and Raw in particular.

Results

Ryback b. JTG – Shell Shock

Randy Orton b. Wade Barret – RKO

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – NO Lock to Young

Kofi Kingston b. Antonio Cesaro via DQ when Miz interfered

3MB b. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder – Spinning Neckbreaker to Marella

AJ b. Beth Phoenix – Small Package

Rhodes Scholars b. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio – Terminus to Cara

Alberto Del Rio b. Justin Gabriel – Cross Armbreaker

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Hell in a Cell 2012
Date: October 28, 2012
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross, John Bradshaw Layfield

The main event here is Ryback vs. Punk and there’s one thing I love about it: I have no idea who is going to win. They really could go either way and as a big supporter of Rybac, I’d love to see it. The main event is in need of a major change, so why not Ryback? The main issue for him though is that the fans are going to have the Goldberg chants going on high tonight. The Sheamus vs. Big Show match should be good too. Let’s get to it.

On the preshow, here’s Cena to address the AJ/Vickie/Cena story. Apparently Vickie has evidence of the inappropriate relationship which she’ll show tomorrow on Raw. Tonight, Cena is answering questions from social media. The first questions is about him passing a torch to Ryback. Cena says no but he never had any fire to pass. A TOUT asks what advice Cena would give Ryback for the Cell tonight. Cena says that brute strength alone isn’t going to do it.

A Tweet asks if Cena could beat Ryback. Cena asks the fans who aren’t really clear on an answer. He does however say if Ryback wins the title, he’d love the first shot. Another TOUT is about what was Cena’s toughest match. Of course he says it’s the one against Rock. Cena wants another shot of course. This isn’t going anywhere is it? Another TOUT asks if Punk is the best in the world but Cena won’t say yes. Another TOUT is from Dolph Ziggler asks if Cena will tell the truth. Cena says the people should cheer Dolph because he used TOUT. If Dolph is here, why not just come out here and fight?

Here’s Dolph…..or make that Vickie. She says the fans are more confident in her than in Cena because Cena got his hand caught in the cookie jar. Ziggler finally charges and gets knocked right back to the floor. This was free on Youtube and I feel like I deserve a refund after sitting through it.

Now on to the actual show.

The opening video is about the two world title matches, just as it should be.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton

That’s quite the opener. Orton immediately jumps Del Rio and we’re out on the floor very quickly. Alberto goes face first into the announce table and back inside we get the Orton Stomp. Orton stomps away in the corner until the referee pulls him off. Alberto throws him to the apron and rams the arm into the bar connecting the buckle to the post. Back in and Del Rio hooks a kind of armbar followed by something close to the armbreaker over the top rope.

Orton’s shoulder goes into the post and Randy is in big trouble. Alberto hooks a different kind of armbar to keep control. It’s nice to see the holds used being mixed up as watching the same stuff over and over again gets old in a hurry. Orton jumps over Del Rio out of the corner and grabs a rollup for two. Del Rio hits a DDT on the arm for two and puts on yet another kind of armbar, followed by another armbreaker over the rope. This time though Orton shoves Del Rio off and out to the floor. Basic storytelling and psychology there but it worked just as well.

Orton sets for the powerslam back inside but Del Rio hangs onto the ropes. More good psychology there as you can only have Orton or anyone use the same moves so many times before someone sees it coming. Del Rio tries the armbreaker but Orton makes the rope almost immediately. The backbreaker from Randy looks to set up the Elevated DDT but Del Rio counters into another shot on the arm. Alberto tries the RKO but gets countered into the Elevated DDT.

Randy tries the mat pounding but hurts his bad arm again. Nice touch there again. Del Rio hits the Backstabber for two but the armbreaker is countered into the powerslam for two. They go to the corner but Orton gets shoved off. He hangs on by the ropes but Del Rio hits a double stomp to Orton’s chest for two. This has been way better than I was expecting.

Just as I say that, Del Rio goes up and I think is supposed to jump into the RKO, but instead he just lands next to Orton and they’re completely out of sync now. The RKO is countered as Orton is sent into the corner where Ricardo rams the arm into the post. There’s the armbreaker but Orton somehow hangs on and rolls on top of Del Rio for two. Del Rio tries the running enziguri in the corner but Orton ducks and catches Del Rio in the RKO as he comes down for the pin at 13:06. That didn’t have the impact they were looking for I don’t think.

Rating: B-. This was higher until the jump off the top which looked horrible. Either way, this was a very nice surprise with some solid psychology and storytelling the whole way through. Orton isn’t great all the time but if you get him the right kind of opponent, which is usually a guy who isn’t a giant, he can have some solid matches and this was one of those. If the botch hadn’t happened, it would have been an excellent opener. With it, the match is just quite good.

We recap the AJ/Vickie/Cena stuff and Vickie says she’s got the pictures to prove the affair happened. Vickie turns around and runs into Heyman. Paul wants the match canceled but Vickie will have none of it. Heyman snaps at the theory that Ryback scares Punk and goes off on Vickie for a bit. Vickie continues to do nothing for me at all.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

The Scholars won this shot in a long tournament. In case it’s not clear, HELL NO is defending. The Scholars say that there’s one thing for sure: at the end of the night they’ll be able to say “WE ARE THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!” Funny stuff. Bryan vs. Sandow (in dark gray trunks, just like Cody) starts things off and Bryan hits a running knee to Damien’s ribs. Off to Kane for a low dropkick before it’s off to Cody for the same move for two.

Cody gets caught in the champions’ corner and it’s back to Bryan for some rapid fire kicks in the corner. Kane comes in again and throws Cody around again until Damien gets in a chop block to take Kane’s knee out. More leg work keeps Kane down but Sandow jumps into an uppercut. There’s the tag to Bryan who moonsaults over Sandow in the corner and hits a running clothesline to take Damien down. There are the NO Kicks and the Scholars are both sent to the floor. Bryan hits a BIG suicide dive to take them both out.

As they head back in, Cody grabs Bryan’s leg and Sandow knocks Daniel into the barricade. Back in and a running knee gets two for Rhodes as we enter the tag team formula mode. Bryan plays Ricky Morton for a bit as Cody comes in to work on the arm a bit. Bryan punches his way out of the corner but a knee to Bryan’s ribs takes him right back down. Off to Sandow again who pounds on the ribs for two.

Sandow’s windup elbow gets two (I’m not even going to try to spell the real name) and it’s off to a chinlock. Kane: “COME ON GOAT FACE LET’S GO!” That actually works as Bryan almost gets the NO Lock before hooking a drop toehold to send Sandow into the middle buckle. A double tag brings in Cody to face the fresh Kane and the Big Fried Freak takes over. The sidewalk slam gets two and the top rope clothesline kills Cody. Kane signals for the chokeslam but Bryan tags himself in and hits a Swan Dive, but Kane breaks up the cover.

Sandow pulls Kane to the floor and gets punched in the face. Bryan backdrops Cody to the floor onto Kane and misses the running knee, taking out Kane by mistake. The champs get into a shoving match and a pair of baseball slides take out Kane. Back in and Cody hits Cross Rhodes on Bryan but Kane makes the save. Kane is losing it and destroys everyone in sight drawing a lame DQ at 13:30 for beating on Sandow in the corner.

Rating: C+. This was getting good at the end before the lame DQ. They did set up another match later on which is fine, but with all of the teams they’ve got built up, do they really want to go another month with the same guys? Still though, entertaining enough match here and the champs fighting is almost always entertaining.

Sandow gets a chokeslam post match.

Miz talks about how Kofi brings mediocrity and mediocrity brings the end of civilization, so Kofi brings the end of the world. It ties into a show coming up about people who are preparing for doomsday if that clears up anything.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

The inflatable AWESOME from the Mania match with Cena is back. Kofi is defending and this is a rematch from a few weeks ago on Main Event. Both guys try and miss their finishers less than thirty seconds in, sending Miz to the floor to regroup. How much regrouping do you need after half a minute? Kofi jumps over the steps on the floor but Miz kicks his head off to take over. That gets two back in the ring and things slow down a bit.

Off to a chinlock for awhile followed by a clothesline to put Kofi down. There’s a top rope double ax for two and Miz punts him in the ribs. Miz’s corner clothesline is blocked by a hard clothesline from the champ and both guys are down. Kofi chops Miz down and hits the Boom Drop for two. Miz runs from Trouble in Paradise but gets caught by the spinning top rope cross body for two.

The SOS is countered into half of the Reality Check but they seem to miss on something before the neckbreaker. SOS gets two and Miz hits a kind of Stunner to the leg. Miz bends the leg around the ropes and takes off the leg pad and boot from Kofi’s left leg. Kofi gets to the second rope but Miz slams him off and puts on a half crab.

Kofi crawls to the ropes but Miz pulls it right back to the center. The champ counters into a cradle for two but Miz gets the same off a short DDT. Miz loads up the Finale but Kofi counters into a kind of victory roll for two. The kick misses for Kofi but the Finale can’t hit again. Miz gets kicked to the floor and as he comes back in, Kofi kicks him into oblivion for the pin to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C+. Another good and lengthy match here as this show is already better than anything WWE has thrown at us in weeks. This gets Miz out of the title picture and hopefully pushes him back up the card. Kofi is fine in this role and can be put with almost anyone to get a good match. Solid stuff here and a fine match.

Kofi says Miz has brought out the wildcat in him and that he’s proud to be the champion.

HELL NO argues again. Kane thinks Bryan almost lost because he was thinking about vegan candy. Bryan yells at Kane for bringing up Halloween when he’s always wearing a mask. Kane says that Bryan has been wearing a mask since he was born on Old McDonald’s Farm….AND HE SINGS THE SONG. Bryan: “YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE!” Kane: “No. I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!” I love these two.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel

Since we only had three announced matches left and it’s ten after 9, they had to add another match or two. Antonio says something in what sounds like German or Swiss before the match. Cesaro is defending and they’ve traded wins on Raw lately to set this up. Cesaro takes it to the mat as soon as the bell rings before cranking on the arm a bit. Gabriel counters a hip toss and monkey flips Cesaro down.

Justin goes up top but the champ knocks him off to the floor. Back in and a legdrop gets two for Cesaro and he pounds away with some rough looking shots to the head. An uppercut to the back of Gabriel’s head gets two and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in the back of Justin. Cesaro puts him face down on the top rope and hits a running knee to the ribs. A double stomp gets another two on Gabriel and it’s back to the arm. The crowd is pretty dead for this so far.

Gabriel comes back and takes Cesaro down for a quick top rope Lionsault for two. Cesaro takes Justin’s head off with a clothesline for two. The champ pounds away in the corner but Gabriel comes out with a spinning DDT for two. Gabriel tries the 450 but rolls through when Cesaro moves. Cesaro goes to the floor so Justin hits a dropkick through the ropes for two. He heads back in but dives into the uppercut to knock Gabriel silly. Back in and the Neutralizer retains the title at 7:35.

Rating: C. I know there wasn’t much here, but having Cesaro run through the entire lower card is a fine way to keep him on TV without having him face guys he’s not ready to beat yet. It’s also a good way to make him look like more than he really is, which is something Cesaro needs. Imagine that: using jobbers to the stars to push someone higher up the card. It’s so crazy that it just might work.

Breast cancer is bad.

Video on Ryback and how unstoppable he is.

Heyman sucks up to Vickie in the back because apparently the Cell has been canceled. Vickie doesn’t seem to understand what he’s talking about. The match is still on.

Prime Time Players vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara

Sin Cara and Darren start things off with Young slapping him around on the mat. Cara headscissors him down and there’s the tag to Rey. Cara has what looks like a Mysterio mask on the back of his own mask. The main event for Main Event this coming week is these four teaming with Del Rio and Orton respectively. Yep the card is already falling down. Off to Titus for some power to take over on Mysterio. A double elbow by the Players take Rey down and Young comes in for some near falls.

Off to a quick reverse chinlock by Young but Titus charges into a boot in the corner to let the masked guys make a tag. Back to Cara who speeds things up and hits a top rope cross body on Titus. Cara’s spinning armdrag out of the corner is caught by Titus and he rams Cara into the corner. Back to Darren to pounds away a bit more before hitting the belly to back suplex onto the apron for two.

Back to Titus who suplexes Young onto Sin for two. JR says the Players are trying to get a big payday for a win on a major PPV. What exactly would be a minor PPV? Titus yells at Cara in the corner and tells him to speak English, which will probably be a fine for O’Neal. Titus puts on a kind of abdominal stretch before slamming him down for two. Back to Young for a backbreaker which gets two. Titus gets in a three point stance but charges into the post.

Cara hits a kind of standing Sliced Bread #2 and makes the hot tag to Rey. Mysterio speeds things up and hits a tilt-a-whirl DDT on Darren for two. JR: “Keeping up with Rey is like trying to pour smoke through a keyhole.” JBL: “Who would want to do that?” Cara dives on Titus on the floor as Rey counters the gutbuster from Young into the 619 and top rope splash for the pin at 12:50.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t a bad match at all but it ran too long and overstayed its welcome. These guys are a good undercard feud for the tag division (imagine THAT say six months ago) and putting them on here was as decent enough of an idea as you were going to get. Either one of these teams could get a title shot, and that’s kind of cool to think about.

Cara may have hurt his neck but he gets up on his own power. Apparently on that standing Sliced Bread he landed on the top of his head.

WWE is promoting a Rolling Stones PPV concert.

We recap Big Show vs. Sheamus. The idea is that Sheamus can’t Brogue Kick Show but he wants to fight no matter what.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. sheamus

Sheamus is defending. Show throws him around to start and Sheamus tries to brawl with him. That results in the champion being knocked down into the corner and Show is in command. Ziggler is watching with the case in the back. Sheamus knocks Show to the floor and as the challenger gets back in, Sheamus fires away with all he’s got. It does a bit of damage but Show shrugs it off and knocks Sheamus to the floor again.

We head to the floor with Show throwing Sheamus into the barricade. Back in and Show keeps pounding on Sheamus very slowly. He steps on Sheamus’ head and knocks the champ to the floor before sending him over the announce table. This has been almost all Show so far and Sheamus is looking like a ragdoll. Back in and Show hits the Eye of the Hurricane for two. I think he used to call that the Final Cut. Sheamus tries to fight back with some punches to the ribs but Show throws him over the top to the floor.

As Sheamus comes back in, he hits the slingshot shoulder but charges right into a superkick for two. Show knocks him down again with Sheamus only being able to get in some punches before charging into a bearhug. Show gets on his knee instead of picking Sheamus up, allowing Sheamus to hit some forearms. A slam doesn’t work at all and the Vader Bomb Elbow gets two for Show. He calls for the chokeslam but Sheamus counters into a DDT but the kickout sends Sheamus out to the floor.

Sheamus tries the ten forearms in the corner but Show shoves him off. The chokeslam hits but it only gets two. Show is getting ticked off now but he can’t hook the Colossal Clutch. Sheamus avoids an elbow and tries the Cloverleaf of all things but Show kicks him off. They head to the floor and Sheamus drives Show into the post a few times. Back in and Sheamus goes after the knee before hitting some ax handles to take Show down.

Sheamus hits White Noise and does it with EASE. That looked better than a lot of the AA’s Cena hits on Show. That only gets two and Sheamus charges into the WMD…..for two. Show tries another punch but Sheamus kicks Show’s head off…..FOR TWO. This is getting AWESOME. Sheamus gets WAY fires up but the Brogue Kick charges into the WMD for the pin and the title at 21:37.

Rating: B+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a heavyweight slugfest with Sheamus pounding away with everything he had but it just wasn’t enough. I would initially say that Show winning the title was a bad thing but the way they were going with the feud it was probably the best idea. This was a great match though and WAY better than I was expecting. The kickouts were great and the match worked really well. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but match of the night so far.

Eve tries to talk to Booker but Booker goes to check on Sheamus. Teddy says Eve is going to lose when Ryder comes up dressed as a witch. Oh ok he’s Eve. Teddy says that’s one letter off.

Vince is here and Punk asks him to cancel the match. Vince asks if Punk is afraid of Ryback but Punk says no and leaves.

Divas Title: Layla vs. Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn was attacked at Night of Champions and Layla had to defend against Eve instead of Kaitlyn. Eve won the title and was accused of attacking Kaitlyn, setting up this. The challengers double team Eve, argue a bit, and then double team Eve again. Eve and Kaitlyn finally start fighting and we get a pinfall reversal sequence. Eve comes back in and knocks Layla to the floor so she can beat on Kaitlyn a bit.

Eve works over Kaitlyn’s leg with a long hold until Layla finally gets back in. A hard kick to Eve’s face slows her down and Layla pounds away in the corner. A cross body gets two for Layla but Eve throws her into the splits. Eve gets thrown into the splits as well and Kaitlyn gives us a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER!!! Kaitlyn puts Layla in a Fujiwara Armbar but Eve makes the save. The crowd dies as the match starts to drag. Kaitlyn hits Stratusfaction on Eve to send her to the floor and powerslams Eve down. Eve hits a middle rope Swanton to break up the pin and covers Layla to retain the title at 6:39.

Rating: C-. The girls are getting better and they have an actual story anymore, but the fans still don’t care. This is MILES better than they were having a few months ago, but at the same time it’s still nothing to write home about. Kaitlyn appears to be the future but I’m still not sold on her at all. Decent match that ran too long.

Big Show brags about getting the title back and dares anyone to try to take it from him. That sounds like a match for Ryback once he’s done with Punk.

Sheamus is getting looked at.

We recap Punk vs. Ryback. Punk and Cena were feuding, then Cena got hurt and Ryback was the next best thing they could come up with. It’s in the Cell because the calendar says it needs to be.

The Cell is lowered. Cole says the Cell was introduced 15 years ago. My goodness do I feel old.

Raw World Title: Ryback vs. CM Punk

I honestly don’t know who is going to win here and I love that feeling. The Goldberg chants start before the music hits. Ryback has a red singlet tonight. Not much of a pop for him though. The big match intros inform us that this match will indeed be taking place inside the Cell. You know, in case you’re REALLY FREAKING STUPID. The fans get fired up for the Feed Me More chant at least.

Punk immediately heads to the floor and we’re in the big Cell where there’s almost no room at ringside. Punk gets back in and immediately runs to the floor again. After almost a minute and a half Ryback gets his hands on Punk and chokes him in the air. Ryback kicks him in the chest and Punk is in trouble early. Punk gets a boot up in the corner but a tornado DDT is easily countered.

Punk is sent back to the floor where he tries to get out of the door. Ryback throws him into the Cell wall and then does it again. The Goldberg chants start up and Punk hides under the ring. Heyman distracts Ryback, allowing Punk to spray him with a fire extinguisher and knock Ryback into the cage. The champ finds a chair but Ryback knocks it into Punk’s head. Back in and Ryback hits a Warrior gorilla press drop.

Ryback misses a charge into the corner and Punk hits a springboard clothesline to take him down. A top rope double ax only kind of hits so Punk hits a second to stagger Ryback. A third attempt is caught in midair but Punk hits a leg lariat to take Ryback down again. Punk sends him to the floor and hits the suicide dive but Ryback is slammed into the cage instead of being knocked down. Ryback easily breaks up a neckbreaker on the floor but his spear hits the steps.

Back in and Punk puts on a chinlock. We’re over eight minutes into this and it’s been pretty good stuff so far. Another Ryback charge hits the post and Punk smiles. Heyman: “HE’S STILL ALIVE!” Punk hits the running knee in the corner and a clothesline to set up the Macho Elbow for no cover. Punk brings in a kendo stick and mocks the FEED ME MORE chant.

Ryback Hulks Up and takes the stick out of Punk’s hands. Ryback is all fired up now and Heyman is panicking. The fans are getting into the chant now and there’s the Meathook (clothesline). Ryback loads up Shell Shock….and the referee hits Ryback low and fast counts a Punk rollup for the pin to retain at 11:45.

Rating: B-. This is one of those what the heck was that endings but it was a good match until we got there. I don’t like the screwjob ending and I wanted Ryback to win, but this sets up another match down the line I guess. I don’t recognize the referee but I’m sure we’ll find out who he was later on. The fans went silent after the pin which is a good thing….I think?

Ryback gets up and murders the referee as Heyman pulls Punk through the door. Ryback catches up to him though and throws Punk at the Cell, but Punk climbs up to escape. Ryback follows him and hits the Shell Shock on top of the Cell.

Ryback poses on top of the Cell to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a really good show actually and the ending has me wondering where they’ll go next. There wasn’t a really bad match on the show but a few of them were pretty slow. The Show title win was a nice surprise and the ending visual of the Shell Shock was good, but it wasn’t a classic show. For what it was, this was solid, but it’s another show that leads to another one instead of something conclusive, which is an annoying habit WWE has.

Results

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO

Rhodes Scholars b. HELL NO via DQ when Kane would not stop attacking Sandow

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Trouble in Paradise

Antonio Cesaro b. Justin Gabriel – Neutralizer

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara b. Prime Time Players – Top rope splash to Young

Big Show b. Sheamus – WMD

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn and Layla – Eve pinned Layla after a powerslam from Kaitlyn

CM Punk b. Ryback – Rollup after a low blow from the referee

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

My thoughts:Geez I hope not. Cena has been a part of this story, but this needs to be Ryback vs. Punk.  They need to throw Ryback out there and see what they’ve got, and having Cena out there is going to overshadow that.  Also what does it help?  They don’t have time to advertise him for the show.

Thoughts?

It’s time to take feuds that don’t belong in a Cell and lock them in a box in an attempt to make them seem more important.  Let’s get to it.We”ll start with the big one: Punk vs. Ryback.  This is an interesting one and a match I want to see for one reason: there are multiple options to who could win the match and that makes the match incredibly interesting.  I could see Punk or Ryback walking out with the title.  From what I’ve heard the house show matches have actually been decent which doesn’t surprise me given the guys in there.  At the end of the day I’m expecting Punk to retain but seeing Ryback take the title would be a nice surprise and something I’ve been calling for for months now.

The other world title match got a nice boost Friday (imagine that: the TV show before the PPV pushing a match) and I’m really not sure what to expect there either.  I’ll go with Sheamus to retain in a match that’s more entertaining than it has any right to be.

HELL NO to retain in another good match but I think the Scholars have a chance of taking the belts.  They’ll probably get the belts one day, but I’d rather see Sandow get a singles push.

I have a gut instinct that says Del Rio and while those are usually wrong, I’ll go with it.

Kofi to retain.

Kaitlyn gets the Divas Title.

Overall this has the potential to be a pretty good B show, but it’s not something I’m looking forward to aside from the main event.  The real main event that people are looking towards is Punk vs. Rock at the Rumble which I can’t see not happening, hopefully setting up a triple threat with Rock vs. Cena vs. Punk, which is what the story would seem to be building towards.  The show should be entertaining though, and that’s a step up for WWE after the disaster that was Raw.

Thought/predictions?

Ryback vs. Punk in the Cell for the title is the main event of HIAC.  That opens a lot of doors.At the end of the day, I can’t imagine Punk not being champion at the Rumble to face Rock.  Now the question is will he be champion the entire way through the next few months?  This is where the Cell becomes an issue, because otherwise the answer would be Ryback destroys Punk but Punk walks out and leaves the arena to save the title in fear.  The Cell stops that from being an option, so the question is what do they do now?

The only thing I can see happening is Lesnar running in and attacking Ryback, setting up a match between them at TLC or the Rumble.  if Ryback is going to lose in there, he has to lose by an inch and due to every method of cheating, illegal tactics, interference, and whatever else you can think of.  Oh wait that can’t happen because it’s the Cell.  Gee, MAYBE IT’S A FREAKING BAD IDEA TO HAVE THE CELL GUARANTEED WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF THE MATCH YOU WANT CAN HAPPEN IN IT!  EVER THOUGHT OF THAT VINCE???

Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I think Ryback wins the title and then loses it in another gimmick match likely involving Punk and Cena at TLC.  I mean, they wouldn’t do Rock vs. Ryback………….would they?

There’s one thing I’m sure of: I honestly do not know what is going to happen at TLC and I can’t even lean one way or another.  That happens very rarely in WWE and I LOVE it.

Thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 15, 2012
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole

The main story tonight is Punk having to decide who he faces inside the Cell in about two weeks. He either has to face Ryback or Cena and if he doesn’t pick, it’s going to be decided by Vince himself. I’m assuming Vince will be here live tonight which is a good thing given how awesome he was last week. Other than that the PPV is mostly set. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending segment from last week with Punk running away from Vince.

Here’s Big Show with something to say. He talks about how he overpowered Sheamus last week and Sheamus was in awe. Then on Smackdown they tested which finisher was stronger through a machine and the punch won by a landslide. Show gets mad about the 45 second reign and demands a match with Bryan (the guy that beat him for the 45 second reign) RIGHT NOW. Some guys including Bryan are watching in the back. Bryan says no, but AJ comes up and says yes. Kane laughs and Bryan gets in a yes/no battle with about half the roster.

Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan

Show charges right at Bryan but Daniel starts moving as fast as he can. Show shoves him to the floor and we take a break after about 45 seconds. I hate when they do that. Back with Show bearhugging Bryan but Bryan comes back with the rapid fire kicks. He fires off even more but as he goes up top, Bryan jumps into a chokeslam for the pin at 6:32.

Rating: C+. This was a lot better than I was expecting. Bryan going down is the right move here as it’s hard to buy that Bryan can go toe to toe with Show and win in a fair fight. Bryan was a total face in this and the rapid fire kicks looked great. Bryan has been turned by the force of the crowd which always makes for a great push.

Kane comes out for the save.

Here’s Heyman standing in front of something with a cloth over it. He brings out Punk to announce who he wants to face at the PPV. Punk talks about disrespect and how everyone wants to make it about themselves instead of him. Last week that was Vince and then Punk had to beat Vince up to prove his point. Then it took Ryback and Cena to run Punk off. We look at the HIAC poster on the screen which is Punk as the devil in the Cell.

Punk talks about how he’s got two devils to pick from: the one he knows in Cena or the one he doesn’t know in Ryback. Both names get reactions but Cena’s is clearly bigger, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Punk asks for some decorum while he unveils his opponent. He grabs the sheet over what appears to be a poster on a stand, but Punk says he’s going to think a bit longer because the fans won’t stop disrespecting him.

Cue Vince to make up Punk’s mind for him. Vince says he respected Punk last week, but now Punk has lost that respect. Tonight it’s a contract signing and Vince is going to announce the opponent. Vince: RESPECT THAT!

Brodus Clay vs. Alberto Del Rio

I wonder if we’ll hear about their history together. Brodus takes him into the corner to start and rams Del Rio to the floor. Alberto drapes the arm over the ropes and goes after it. Brodus misses a charge in the corner, gets caught in the armbreaker, and taps at 2:20. Brodus, welcome to Jobberville.

Punk rants to Heyman in the back and wants to fight Vince tonight. Punk yells at Heyman here and looks flustered.

Prime Time Players vs. Zack Ryder/Santino Marella

This is joined in progress with Young tagging in Titus to keep up a beating on Santino. Off to Ryder who pounds away on Titus and hits a middle rope missile dropkick to set up the Broski Boot for two. Everything breaks down and it’s the gutbuster to Santino, the Rough Ryder to Young, and the Clash of the Titus to Santino for the pin at 1:26 shown. Ok then.

Post match here’s the Band, now in jeans and leather jackets, to beat on Ryder. Now they’re called the 3MB apparently.

Here are Vickie and Ziggler to talk about how Ryback doesn’t deserve a title match in the Cell. It should be Dolph who gets the shot, and he should cash in the case that night and win both titles. This brings out…..David Otunga? He thinks HE should get the shot. Cue AJ who makes a handicap match.

David Otunga/Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback

A LOUD Feed Me More chant starts up and a Vickie distraction lets Dolph hit a dropkick. The clothesline kills Ziggler and the annoying fans chant Goldberg. Off to Otunga who gets caught in the over the shoulder Stunner (called an atomic drop by JR) as Ziggler leaves. Otunga gets Shell Shocked for the pin at 1:48.

Heyman comes in to see Vince and offers another match with Vince where if Punk wins, he gets to pick the stipulation. Vince says ok, but it’s against Heyman instead of Punk.

AJ is in the back when Striker asks him about getting beaten up by HELL NO. He implies he wants an apology and AJ is psycho this week so it’s Striker vs. Kane tonight. Striker: “But….no…..”

Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel

Non-title. Gabriel escapes a German suplex to start but gets hit in the ribs to take him down. A HARD double stomp keeps Gabriel down and since we’ve got a Swiss guy vs. a South African, the Tennessee fans chant USA. Cesaro stays on the ribs with a gutbuster and a body vice. They slug it out and Gabriel uses AJ Styles’ moonsault into the reverse DDT to set up the 450, but the injured ribs slow down the cover and Cesaro gets the rope. Gabriel tries a springboard but he jumps into the uppercut to kill him dead. Neutralizer gets the academic pin at 3:51.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid match for less than four minutes. Gabriel can go and it’s always good to see that he has more than 450. They did the same thing with Kidd last week and we got a good match there too. This is what I mean by using the roster to your advantage: WWE has all these people working for them, and for once they’re USING THEM instead of giving us five Santino vs. Cesaro matches in a row.

Matt Striker vs. Kane

Striker has a mic to start and begs for mercy. He says he’d be fine with just an apology. Striker appeals to Kane’s therapy which Kane accepts, giving Striker a hug. Kane won’t let go of the hug and then the chokeslam ends this at 2:02, about 90 seconds of which were talking.

Kane interviews Striker who is out cold post match.

Time for MizTV. Miz insults the crowd a bit and brings out Kofi to hype up their title match on Main Event. Miz offers to carry Kofi like everyone else has. He talks about how Kofi has never done anything of note and how Kofi will always be the B guy that just makes people happy. Kofi says maybe Miz is right and Kofi needs to add some more moments to his career, like winning the IC Title on Wednesday. Kofi offers to have a match tonight, and Miz says ok. Miz says Kofi will always be the guy that says Boom Boom Boom and it’s on, with Miz getting knocked to the floor. More Kofi being serious is a good thing.

Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title here. They work on each others’ arms to start and Sheamus clotheslines him down and out to the apron. The ten forearms are escapes and Barrett comes back with a shot to the head. A pumphandle slam gets two for Barrett and it’s off to the chinlock. Sheamus fights up and knocks Barrett to the floor. A shoulder block off the apron puts Barrett down and here’s Show with a chair as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus in control as Show sits on the stage and cheers for Barrett. They head to the floor and Barrett tries to kick the steps into Sheamus like he did last week but Sheamus is ready for it this week. As they get back in Barrett fires off a kick to the ribs to take over. A kick to Sheamus’ face has the champion in trouble and they head to the floor again.

They head back inside with Sheamus put in a chinlock, but he gets the crazy eyes and fights up. Irish Curse puts Barrett down but Sheamus can’t follow up. The champ comes back with a knee lift and powerslam for two. Show is getting nervous. Barrett rolls to the apron and you just shouldn’t do that against Sheamus. After the ten forearms and a suplex for two, Sheamus starts smiling. Sheamus gets sent into the buckle and a middle rope elbow gets two for Wade.

Wasteland is countered but the Brogue Kick misses as well. Winds of Change (Boss Man Slam) gets two and Wade is frustrated. Sheamus goes up but has to roll through the shoulder block. The cloverleaf is put on but here’s Big Show. He distracts Sheamus but the champ loads up White Noise. Sheamus gets thrown at Show who low bridges him for the DQ at 15:26.

Rating: B. As usual these two have great chemistry together. I’d love to see them have some kind of a world title match on PPV where they can have a clean finish, as it could be one of the better brawls of the year. They’re both hard hitting guys and when you get two guys who are good at that, it’s going to be a good match. Solid stuff here, albeit with a weak ending.

Sheamus immediately Brogue Kicks Barrett and clotheslines Show to the floor.

Vince is in his office when Cena comes in. Cena says he’s no doctor but Vince doesn’t listen to doctors anyway so it doesn’t matter. John belongs out there and if Vince picks him, he’ll do what he does. Vince says he’ll take that under consideration.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Layla

This is Layla’s rematch from whatever show she lost the title at. They fight over a tieup to start and Eve takes over. She sends Layla to the floor and hurts Layla’s ribs. Back in and Eve works on the shoulder. Well of course she does. Eve puts on a Figure Four headlock but Layla makes a rope after a minute or so. Layla comes back with a kick to the chest for two and screams a lot. The bouncing cross body gets two but Layla gets kicked off the middle rope and is pinned (with her foot on the ropes) at 4:38.

Rating: D+. These matches just aren’t interesting. Layla isn’t interesting at all without McCool there, nor is she interesting as a face. This went nowhere at all and just ate up time on this way too long show. Are there any other women left on the roster at all, or is this just setting up for the epic, yes EPIC I SAY, Kaitlyn vs. Eve feud?

WWE has a new charity thing, this one having to do with malaria nets.

Kane and Bryan have another arugment in the back and Bryan isn’t happy with Kane for laughing at him earlier. “Yes it was funny.” “NO IT WASN’T!” Bryan finally shouts and says next week it should be Kane vs. Big Show. Oh please…..no. ANYTHING but that.

Ryback is in Vince’s office and Vince thanks him for the save last week. The fans are saying Ryback is heartless, merciless, cold-blooded and would run through a brick wall to get what he wants. Ryback looks straight ahead the whole time until Vince asks what Ryback thinks. Ryback says Feed Me Punk. Vince will consider that too.

Mysterio isn’t here tonight, so the finals are next week.

3MB goes to a bar and takes over the stage. Secuirty throws them out.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Epico/Primo

The cousins jump the Scholars before the bell and the Scholars hide on the floor. We start with Primo vs. Cody. Off to Epico who has some good luck with Rhodes but has to chase off Sandow (Damien: “DON’T TOUCH ME!”). Cody takes over and it’s off to Sandow for the windup elbow for two. Back to Cody and there’s nothing to talk about in this match. Cody beats on Primo, Sandow beats on Primo, no one cares, the beating continues. The hot tag brings in Epico for some suplexes but everything breaks down. Epico misses a cross body and the double arm neckbreaker (called the Terminus apparently) gets the pin at 6:53.

Rating: D. Considering one of these teams is likely going to win the tag tournament but couldn’t tonight because one of the people in the tournament final was sick, it’s kind of hard to buy Epico and Primo as a legitimate threat. That neckbreaker getting a name is probably the highlight of this match.

The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Miz charges at him but misses his shot. This is a big brawl very quickly and Miz rolls to the floor. Kofi kills him with a clothesline but back inside Miz takes over again and hits a running corner clothesline. Top rope ax handle gets two for the champ and we hit the chinlock. Kofi comes back with a suplex and a clothesline. The Finale is countered, as is the SOS and another Finale attempt. The Trouble in Paradise gets the pin on Miz at 5:25. That kick looked NASTY, as I don’t think Miz knew it was coming.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here where the ending was obvious. The only thing they could do here is have Kofi get the pin to set up the match he’ll likely lose on Wednesday. Not terrible here but they’re on at the end of a long show which is taking forever to get through. This was all they could do though.

Miz is looked at post match. He was totally blindsided by that kick.

Here’s Vince to announce the main event for the PPV. He brings out Punk, Ryback and Cena as we’re already past 11pm. I love Heyman holding up the title when the other guys come in. Punk cuts Vince off before his speech really gets going. I guess the scene with Vince and Heyman earlier canceled the proposed match? Punk signs without knowing his opponent.

Cena talks about Punk being champion for 330 days but says Punk needs to shut up. Vince tries to make his announcement but Cena cuts him off. Cena would love to fight Punk but he thinks Ryback just wants to beat someone up. That might be what Punk needs and Cena starts a FEED ME MORE chant. Ryback signs….and that’s the match. Ryback Shell Shocks Punk to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. As is almost always the case with this show anymore, it was going really well for the first hour and a half and then it got tiring in a hurry. Three hours can be made to work well, but at some point it’s just too much for one night. That’s what happened here, as the show started dragging badly at about 9:45. There’s good stuff in here, but if you cut out some of the less important stuff (Kane vs. Striker, 3MB, Alberto) this is a very good show. As is, it’s just ok. It’s nice to have a main event for the PPV though.

Results

Big Show b. Daniel Bryan – Chokeslam

Alberto Del Rio b. Brodus Clay – Cross Armbreaker

Prime Time Players b. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder – Clash of the Titus to Ryder

Ryback b. Dolph Ziggler and David Otunga – Shell Shock to Otunga

Antonio Cesaro b. Justin Gabriel – Neutralizer

Kane b. Matt Striker – Chokeslam

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Big Show interfered

Eve Torres b. Layla – Pin after Layla was kicked off the middle rope

Rhodes Scholars b. Epico/Primo – Terminus to Epico

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Trouble in Paradise

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 8, 2012
Location: Power Balance Pavilion, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

After last week’s lowest rating in fifteen years, Vince is back tonight for a State of the WWE address. Love him or hate him, when he’s on TV the fans pay attention. Granted having a lower level Monday Night Football game isn’t going to hurt anything either. Other than that, we’re likely to have another legend, maybe Vince himself, tell Punk that he needs to fight Cena in the Cell. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Cena to open things up. He asks if the people missed him and the fans cheer, which surprises both him and me. Cena talks about how he’s been gone awhile (it’s been two weeks) and he’s gotten to experience things for two weeks. He goes through the basics of various storylines and asks AJ out on a date. Maybe to In and Out (California staple) for a Double Double?

Also Vince is here tonight and Arnold Schwarzennegger is the social media ambassador tonight (seriously) and we’ve got a one armed man in the ring tonight. He talks about the fans losing their voice and the WWE Title losing its voice as well. Cena sums up Punk’s reign in a nutshell: if no one wants to watch, it doesn’t matter how many days he holds the belt. He tells Punk to be a man and define his legacy by facing him in the Cell.

As Cena is leaving, here’s Ryback. Apparently it’s just for a match as Cena walks past him.

Ryback vs. Primo/Epico

I’m not going to bother doing commentary on these matches anymore. The cousins get in some offense, Ryback kills them both, double Shell Shock at 2:33.

Brodus Clay vs. R-Truth

It’s a regular hat for Brodus this week. Now this is an interesting match. Before the match, Truth says they can’t fight because Little Jimmy is going through puberty and wants to dance. It turns into a dance party, and by that I mean the other four stand there and watch Little Jimmy dance.

Thankfully Vince pops up on screen and says dance up the ramp because it’s time for the State of the WWE Address.

Here’s Vince to criticize what we just saw. He says there’s room for that here, along with leprechauns, goat faced vegans, masked luchadors and more. We have drama, action, romance and comedy, but above all else, we have action. Here you want to see the best against the best….and here’s Punk, in a bright yellow shirt. But I guess since it’s Punk it’s much more ok than the ones Cena wears right?

Vince immediately says the shirt is ugly and yells at Punk for interrupting. Punk wanted his name mentioned and thinks it was a shot at him for not being mentioned and not getting inside the Cell with Cena. Punk blames the fans for his issues and doesn’t like the fans that ironically chant his name as well. He asks if Vince respects him and Vince respects Punk being champion for 323 days. However, he doesn’t respect Punk being a Paul Heyman guy. Vince isn’t a CM Punk guy which sets Punk off.

Punk goes into a tirade about how a year and a half ago he talked about being a spoke on the wheel and now he is the wheel. He’s the best thing WWE has today and he isn’t appreciated. Where’s his appreciation night? Punk threatens to leave again and this time he wouldn’t come back, even though he’s the reason Vince has any money left. If not him, then who makes this place go around? Vince says the fans make this place successful and right now all the fans want someone to shut Punk’s mouth.

Vince says Punk isn’t one of the all time greats like Andre or Bret or Shawn or Steve Austin. The Austin mention makes Punk go into a rant about Austin running away and being scared of people. Austin’s greatest accomplishment was beating up a clueless millionaire. Punk goes on ANOTHER rant about how the company and Vince have slapped him in the face for years, so Punk slaps Vince across the face, causing Vince to fall down faster than he does from a Stunner. Vince wants to fire him but that’s too good for him. Tonight it’s Vince vs. Punk or Punk is fired. Heyman really doesn’t like this idea but Punk loves it.

Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals: Prime Time Players vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Cara and Young start things off with Cara starting to speed things up very quickly. The twisting armdrag out of the corner puts Young down as does a rana. Off to Rey who low bridges Young and hits a seated senton off the apron. Titus misses a charge and Cara takes him out as we head to a break. Back with Titus hitting a backbreaker on Cara before bringing in Young for a bearhug.

Cara slams Young down as the camera freaks out. It looks like it’s shaking or something. Anyway it’s off to Rey who speeds things up and gets two on Young. Cara kicks O’Neal in the head and hits a springboard missile dropkick to take him down. Young hits the release gutbuster on Cara but Cara isn’t legal. The gutbuster doesn’t work on Rey and it’s a 619 and top rope splash for the pin on Young at 7:25.

Rating: C. This was a good speed vs. power match and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the classic formula and when you have guys in there that know how to do it, things work very well. Good stuff here as Rey and Cara fit the role of the local luchadores perfectly. One thing though: STOP WITH COMMERCIALS IN SEVEN MINUTE MATCHES.

Heyman still isn’t sure on this and wants Punk to lose so that Vince doesn’t go insane on them. Punk laughs it off.

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

My mind will be boggled if there’s a conclusive ending. They fight over a headlock and here’s Big Show 15 seconds in. He doesn’t do anything but walk around ringside and Barrett gets jumped. Sheamus takes over with a headlock and hits a slingshot shoulder before hooking another headlock. Wade fires off some elbows in the corner but Sheamus fires off one of his own. A suplex gets two for the champ but he can’t hit a Regal Roll. Instead it’s a knee lift to send Barrett to the floor but Barrett trips him on the apron and pulls Sheamus to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Sheamus breaking a hold and sending Barrett out to the floor. An uppercut sends Barrett up the stage a bit but Wade comes back and kicks the steps into Sheamus’ knees. Back in and it’s another chinlock which doesn’t last long. Barrett sits him in the ropes (not on them) and kicks Sheamus’ head off for a delayed two. A top rope elbow misses for Barrett and Sheamus comes back with a clothesline. Barrett tries the elbow but Sheamus steps to the side and gets the ten forearms in the ropes. We get a Dusty Rhodes reference and freaking Tensai comes in for the DQ at 12:34.

Rating: B-. Tihs was getting good until the ending. To be fair, this is happening because Sheamus jumped Tensai on Smackdown to cost Show a match so it makes sense. Why they had these guys who could have a PPV title match one day go twelve minutes on Raw is beyond me, but at least there wasn’t a winner. These two have great chemistry together.

Tensai and Barrett beat Sheamus down but Tensai gets kicked in the face and Barrett is sent to the floor. Show gets in and blocks the Brogue Kick before shoving Sheamus to the floor with a SICK thud.

JR goes to talk some sense into McMahon.

Punk comes in to see AJ and she accuses him of being afraid of fighting both Cena and Vince. Punk says whatever happens is on her head. This seemed pointless.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Tyson Kidd

Before the match we see Cesaro at an American restaurant complaining about how fattening American food is. Non-title here and man alive Cena was right about Cesaro’s nipples. I think I left that out earlier but there were comments about said nipples. They fight over arm control with some nifty moves before Kidd gets a victory roll for two. That gets him nowhere though as Cesaro kicks his head off to take over.

Cesaro puts on the cravate and guillotines Kidd on the top rope to send him to the floor. Kidd speeds things up and hits a hard kick to the chest followed by another one through the ropes. A slingshot cradle gets two as does a slingshot legdrop to the back of the head. Kidd misses a springboard elbow though and the big uppercut takes Kidd’s head off. Neutralizer ends this at 4:25.

Rating: C+. I really liked this one as they had Cesaro looking very strong out there. Kidd is always fun to watch as the guy is just talented all around. The Neutralizer looks good for a finisher too and he can hit it on almost anyone. This was nowhere near a squash either which helped things a lot. Good stuff.

HELL NO vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Non-title again here. The champs argue over who starts and the crowd explodes. It’s Bryan vs. Ziggy with Bryan taking over on the arm. Off to Kane and Del Rio with Kane intentionally short arming a tag attempt. Ziggler charges in and gets an uppercut to the face. Cole and JBL get in an argument over Mil Mascaras as Ziggler is thrown to the floor. Bryan tags himself in and hits a big running knee off the apron to take over.

We take a break and come back with Bryan kicking Dolph’s head off and getting into another argument with the crowd. Del Rio comes back in and puts on a chinlock, followed by a hip swiveling neckbreaker from Dolph for two. Alberto and Bryan trade rapid fire kicks in the corner but Bryan misses a running kick in the corner. We get into some standard tag stuff with Bryan being cut off from Kane by both bad guys. Well, both bad guys not named Bryan as he’s still a heel. Alberto hooks a chinlock followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two.

Back to Ziggler who prevents another tag despite taking a shot to the face. Del Rio comes back in with a kick to the face for another two. Another chinlock goes on as this match is DRAGGING. Bryan avoids a charging Del Rio, sending the shoulder into the post. There’s the tag to Kane and the big fried freak takes over with some clotheslines.

A double chokeslam is broken up and a Fameasser gets a VERY close two on Kane. Kane hits a sidewalk slam on Dolph and goes up, but Bryan tags himself in and hits a top rope dropkick for two on Dolph. Del Rio misses a charge and hits the floor. Vickie is up on the apron, giving Dolph a rollup for two. A Buzzsaw kick to Ziggler sets up a chokeslam from Kane for the pin at 16:00.

Rating: C+. Cut three minutes out of this and it goes WAY up. Kane and Bryan work well together and the fans are still into them, but we need some more of their segments to get their fire back. Until then they’re just a dysfunctional tag team and we’ve had a lot of them over the years. Not bad here though as they picked up a lot at the end.

JR finds Vince in the back and talks about the JR Appreciation segment from after Raw went off the air last week. Vince called JR a friend and as a friend, JR says don’t do this, because “remember what happened to the King after he fought CM Punk.” JR goes into JR mode and says what he’ll say if Vince wins.

Now, I kid you not, here’s LARRY KING in the arena for a sitdown interview with The Miz. Apparently it’s Miz’s birthday and he wants King and King’s wife to sing Happy Birthday. King has another guest: Kofi Kingston. Kofi plays to the crowd and Miz freaks out. Miz goes off on King’s history of divorces and calls Kofi and Larry amateurs. Larry’s wife throws water on Miz. Miz starts taking his jacket off but Kofi jumps him and throws Miz off the stage.

We look at Austin vs. McMahon in WWE 13. Next.

Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals: Rhodes Scholars vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder

The Scholars think this is a mismatch. The winners of this get Rey and Cara. Gee I wonder who is going to win here. Cody and Ryder start things off with the heel in control. Off to Sandow who misses his wind-up elbow, allowing for the tag to Santino. The Cobra is loaded up but the Disaster Kick ends Santino at 3:07.

Rating: D. It was short and the ending was almost never in doubt. What else are you expecting from something like this? Sandow getting pushed like this is a good thing and the more Cody on my screen the better my show becomes. At least the match didn’t last long, which is all you can ask in something like this.

As the Scholars leave, Encore comes down and beats up Santino and Ryder.

Heyman comes to see Vince in the back and begs for McMahon’s mercy on Punk tonight. Vince goes off on Heyman for poisoning Punk’s mind but Heyman says he’s here for Vince’s sake. Heyman invokes HHH’s name to shake Vince up a bit.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

Layla is on commentary as she always is anymore. Apparently she gets the winner of this. Eve is champion coming in just in case it’s like 2031 or something. Kaitlyn takes over to start and suplexes Eve down a few times followed by a fireman’s carry into a kind of Torture Rack. Eve rakes the eyes and kicks out the bad ankle to take over. Kaitlyn hits a backbreaker but it hurts her ankle again. Eve goes after the ankle by standing on it before putting on a heel hook for the tap at 2:54. This wasn’t terrible at all.

Layla makes the save and Eve becomes all nice and sweet again.

Alberto is in the back with Ricardo when Josh comes in with a Tweet for him to read. Del Rio isn’t interested but it’s from Randy Orton. Orton says he’ll be at Smackdown on Friday. Del Rio isn’t happy.

Larry King and his wife are leaving when Bryan comes up to him. Bryan wants advice on being called a goatface and hits on King’s wife. She says no and Kane comes up to say he carries the team. The usual argument ensues. When I said more segments, I didn’t mean with Larry King. Larry and his wife leave. Kane: “That was Larry King? I thought it was Skellator.” Eh not bad but it’s no “my name is Gerald.”

Heyman thinks the way out of this is for Punk to beat Vince so badly that Vince can’t make another decision ever again.

Vince comes out for the match but Punk jumps him on the way to the ring and beats the tar out of him before the bell. Vince spears him down but Punk beats him in the head. The high kick puts Vince down and I don’t think the bell every rang. They head to the floor and Punk puts on a headset. “WHAT A MANUEVER!!!” I laughed out loud.

Vince sends Punk into the post after escaping the GTS. He sends Punk FLYING over the announce table and grabs a mic. Vince DIVES OVER THE TABLE and beats up Punk! He rams a chair into Punk’s crotch and we head back inside. Vince is bleeding from the eye but he grabs a kendo stick. I think Vince’s ear is bleeding also. Punk bails and tells Heyman to bring the title, but Vince stops him and lays out Heyman with a shot to the head. Vince gets the title and stands in the ring with it and the kendo stick, challenging Punk to come fight him.

Punk finds a kendo stick and gets in. They BEAT THE TAR OUT OF EACH OTHER with the sticks and Vince knocks the stick out of Punk’s hands, sending Punk to his knees to beg. Punk hits Vince low and beats on him with the sticks. He loads up the GTS but FEED ME MORE hits and the fans LOSE IT. Punk runs but Cena comes out and sends Punk back in. Ryback kills Punk with the clothesline but Punk escapes Shell Shock.

Punk bails and Vince gets the mic. He says it’s either Punk vs. Ryback or Punk vs. Cena in the Cell. If Punk doesn’t decide, Vince makes up his mind for him. Punk is TERRIFIED to end the show. This wasn’t a match but man it ROCKED.

Overall Rating: B-. This is another example of an episode of Raw that would have been AWESOME at two hours but the third hour brings it down. The pacing was fine this week which is the major issue the show had last week. This wasn’t a classic or anything but it was WAY better than what we’ve been getting lately. They actually did some stuff here instead of just chasing themselves around in circles. Also, look what happens with FAR less backstage GM nonsense.

Results

Ryback b. Epico/Primo – Shell Shock

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Prime Time Players – Top rope splash to Young

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Tensai interfered

Antonio Cesaro b. Tyson Kidd – Neutralizer

HELL NO b. Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler – Chokeslam to Ziggler

Rhodes Scholars b. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder – Disaster Kick to Marella

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn – Heel Hook

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2012
Location: Chesepeake Energy Arena, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma|
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

We’re in Oklahoma tonight which means a few things. First of all, it’s JR Appreciation Night but that might only be for the post show stuff. Also I believe we’re in the arena where Punk first cashed in the MITB case and won his first world title, which will likely be mentioned. We’re also likely to see what Ryback staring Punk down last week will mean, and on the Blue side, we’re getting…..wait for it….a debate between Big Show and Sheamus. Yet they wonder why no one watches Smackdown. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of all of Punk’s antics last week, including the great promo with Foley and turning around to see Ryback at the end of the show.

Here are Punk and Heyman to open the show. During the entrance the Appreciation Night is mentioned. Punk complains about the attack last week and says in Chicago that’s called weakness. Punk was looking for a doctor at the end of the show when he low blowed Foley. He didn’t like the lack of respect that Foley was showing him and thinks Foley never would have talked like that to Cena or Rock or Austin. Punk doesn’t like the lack of respect this crowd is showing him either. Tonight, Punk is here to announce that it’s still not going to be Punk vs. Cena inside the Cell.

Punk whispers something to Heyman and Paul takes the mic. Heyman would like to move on to something else and that would be the proposal to AJ. This seems to bring out AJ but they cut her music after about half a second. Must be a production miscue. Heyman points out that while AJ didn’t say no, she did violate an ordinance from the board of directors, that if AJ strikes someone, she’s in trouble. Heyman calls for her removal from power and wants her job.

This brings out Vickie and Dolph with Vickie demanding that AJ be fired also and we get a clip of AJ beating her up a few months back. Heyman wants to know when this became about Vickie. Vickie cuts him off and says she represents the future World Heavyweight Champion. Heyman makes the obvious point that he’s with the CURRENT WWE Champion. Ziggler suggests Heyman and Vickie being co-GMs.

This brings out AJ to a surprisingly big reaction. AJ says she’s officially on probation which means we can drag this story out for a few more weeks. Apparently even Heyman doesn’t count as an exception so she has an executive coach to help with her development as a GM. And it’s Daniel Bryan. Bryan snaps on the crowd and yells NO a lot, saying he’s just here to apologize.

Bryan thinks AJ has gone insane because of being dumped by the man with the amazing beard. Now he’s the tag team champions, and you know who this brings out. Kane points out that AJ is a phenomenal kisser. Everything else that Bryan said was true, but he (Kane) is the tag team champions. Ziggler and Punk get in an argument of their own over who is better until AJ freaks out and reaches octaves even Vickie is jealous of. She makes the tag match you would expect her to make with the four guys in the ring. Total time for the opening segment: 21 minutes.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Epico/Primo vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Cara and Epico start with Cara hitting a Tajiri Elbow for two. Off to Primo who doesn’t do any better. Cara and Rey have inverted matching attire now. Rey comes in and the cousins are sent to the floor, but the masked guys stop before diving Epico and Primo move. Here are the Prime Time Players to sit on the stage as we take a break.

Back with Rey tagging out to Cara who comes in with a big springboard cross body. Cara kind of botches a springboard armdrag but it’s not too bad. Epico dropkicks him out of the air for two as the cousins take over. A quick sunset flip gets two on Primo for Cara and it’s back to Epico. Cara spins Epico around and slams him into the mat to get some separation and there’s the tag to Rey.

A big kick to the head takes Primo down and a seated senton does the same. A spinning reverse DDT gets two and here’s Cara with a springboard missile dropkick. There’s a kick to Primo’s head and it’s a double 619. Both masked guys go up top and Cara dives on Epico as the top rope splash from Rey pins Primo at 9:27.

Rating: C+. When all else fails, throw four high fliers out there and have them jump a lot. It worked for years in WCW and it worked here too. The Players didn’t do much here, but what did do something here was the commercial. It’s annoying when you have one like a minute into a match and the post break stuff has to act like a full match for all intents and purposes.

Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title here and no entrance for Brodus. There was no entrance for either tag team earlier so maybe they’re trying to hurry things up. It’s an easy way to add a lot of time to the show actually. Brodus takes him into the corner to start and suplexes him down. A headbutt to the chest does the same but the t-bone suplex is blocked. Clay misses a splash and a springboard uppercut (you read that right) gets two and the Neutralizer pins Clay in 1:06. I guess it’s time for Brodus to be a jobber.

AJ comes up to Kaitlyn and introduces her to the coach, Christopher J. Stevenson, a guy in a suit. Kaitlyn will be ready to go again next week, even though she’s in her ring gear tonight. AJ wants to talk about their relationship and is all serious before going into an insane laugh. She isn’t really sorry at all and skips away. The coach says nothing at all.

Zack Ryder vs. The Miz

Miz takes him down with a shoulder block and a pair of boots to the head for two. Ryder makes a comeback and hits the Broski boot for two as we hear about Larry King as the social media ambassador. The Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb and the Skull Crushing Finale gets the pin at 2:39.

Here are Booker, Show and Sheamus for the debate. Show gets to make an opening statement but Show says this is stupid. He’s going to knock Sheamus out and Sheamus can’t even kick that high, so the Brogue Kick means nothing. Sheamus asks Show not to rip his leg off because he needs it to kick Show’s teeth in. All of the questions come from fans and the first question is what do you find the most challenging about your opponent. Sheamus is looking forward to the fight and the biggest issue is the match lasting more than 45 seconds. Sheamus has something between his eyes that looks like a bruise.

Show defends his hygiene in response to something Sheamus said and the second question is who has the most devastating finisher (Booker, reading the questions off the screen, gets Show’s finisher’s name wrong). Sheamus mentions the 45 second loss again and Show gets mad again. FINALLY he breaks his podium and we go to the last question.

Sheamus wants it to be from his cousin’s Tout. It’s from Rey Mysterio Sullivan, which is clearly Sheamus holding a mask to his face. Show complains about this not being serious again so Sheamus asks how it feels to lose the title in 45 seconds. Show takes off his jacket and Sheamus takes off his shirt. Show is dripping sweat and he walks away. This was REALLY worthless and it doesn’t make me want to see them fight at all. It does however make me want to know what is on Sheamus’ nose.

Ryback vs. Tensai

For those of you that were fascinated by the two minute match these two had on Smackdown I guess. Tensai runs him over to start but Ryback pops up and smiles. They slug it out and Ryback powerslams him down with ease. A belly to belly is broken up by Tensai so Ryback clotheslines him down with ease. Ryback can’t Shell Shock him on the first two attempts so he clotheslines him again for the pin at 1:49.

The Rhodes Scholars love their name and make fun of the debate. Sandow wasn’t pleased with the lack of formal wear from Sheamus. They think Sheamus is a neanderthal. And that’s it.

More cancer stuff.

Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix

Before the match Eve talks about how awesome the Divas are. Beth tentatively shakes her hand and blocks the surprise attack from Eve. This is non-title by the way. Beth misses a charge and hits the post so Eve goes to the floor to pound on the bad arm. Beth gets rammed onto the floor and into the barricade which draws a nine count. Back inside Eve is upset so Beth runs her over. Eve hides in the ropes and comes out with her neckbreaker for the pin at 2:35.

AJ runs into Barrett in the back and my goodness Barrett is tall. Barrett says AJ needs the coach because Barrett doesn’t even have a match tonight. He says AJ has done a horrible job with her emotional outbursts and letting her personal relationships get in the way of her job. Barrett leaves and AJ thinks the coach is intimidated.

We hear about JBL climbing mountains to raise money for poor kids. Nothing wrong with charity work.

Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater

Apparently the One Man Band now has two people with him in the forms of Mahal and McIntyre. After a quick dance off they trade shoulder blocks and Slater elbows him in the face to take over. Slater’s group is called Encore apparently. He slams Santino down and jumps into the boot and Santino uses his usual stuff. The Cobra hits and Mahal/McIntyre run in for the DQ at 2:51.

Encore destroys Santino post match. All three of them say their nicknames and that’s about it. Slater’s theme song starting with “I’m just one man” is really stupid now.

Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus

Sandow hides to start so Sheamus grabs him by the beard and pounds away. Damien hides on the floor as we take a break. Back with Sandow hitting the floor again, drawing huge boos. Sheamus chases him into the crowd and catches Cody trying to interfere. The distraction lets Sandow clothesline Sheamus down and he takes over back in the ring. After some basic shots to the upper body, Sandow puts on a chinlock. Sandow fires off knees to the chest and hits a Russian legsweep and the windup elbow for two.

Damien pounds away some more and gets two off an elbow to the face. Back to the chinlock as Sandow’s offense is pretty much exhausted at this point. With Sheamus in 619 position, Sandow hits a charging hip shot to the back for two. Off to a headscissors which doesn’t last long. Sheamus gets a boot up in the corner but Sandow knocks him off the top with a good right hand. A boot to the head gets one for the non-champion and it’s off to a front facelock again.

Sheamus gets knocked to the floor as Sandow is still dominating which is pretty surprising. Back in and Damien gets another two and then another two and then chinlock #3 assuming you don’t count the variations of the move he’s already used. Sheamus comes back with a suplex to escape the hold and hits a knee lift and Regal Roll.

Sandow escapes a powerslam and hits a flipping neckbreaker for two. Sheamus gets the feet up in the corner and a top rope battering ram gets two. Sandow escapes White Noise but gets caught in the ten forearms. Sheamus catches Cody coming and sends him into the ring as well. A single Brogue Kick takes out both guys and pins Sandow at 15:45.

Rating: C+. Sandow looked better than usual here but man alive does he need to expand his offense a bit. Five chinlock variations in a fifteen minute match is hard to get past. It’s very good to see Sandow get a rub like this though, as he looked credible against a guy who is way out of his league. Not a great match or anything but a good stepping stone for Damien.

It’s time for Jim Ross Appreciation Night and Cole sucks up to JR now because the scripts calls for it. Before JR can say anything, here are Punk and Heyman. Punk tells Cole to go sit down and asks the fans to make some noise. He says the fans don’t know the first thing about respect and says JR is going to make the fans believe it, by saying Punk is the best in the world.

JR calls Punk a jackass instead and Punk is mad. He wants to know what JR is going to do if Punk gets physical. Will Ross scream for Austin to help, because Austin isn’t here. Today is the 316^th day Punk has been champion which means that number now belongs to Punk. JR belongs to Punk right now too and JR is going to say it, no matter what. Ross says no because he’s called some of the best matches of all time with the best in the world in them and those people have earned the right. Punk needs to walk into the Cell and beat Cena, and then JR will say he’s the best in the world.

Punk takes his jacket off and steals JR’s hat which he stomps on. Them are fighting words in Oklahoma. JR looks like he’s about to cry and Punk talks about all the time he’s beaten Cena and makes fun of the Thunder for losing in the NBA Finals. Punk gives JR a chance to run or he’s going to get knocked out. JR goes to leave but Punk stops him, saying there’s no more commentary for JR for the rest of the night. Punk makes him take the walk of shame and berates him as he leaves.

Cue Ryback and JR immediately turns back towards the ring. Ryback stares Punk down with JR behind him. Punk doesn’t back down at first and the fans are chanting FEED ME MORE. Now Punk backs down, which is something he said he never does in his promo a few moments before.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Post Smackdown Del Rio attacked the already down Orton to put Orton off TV to film the movie I’d assume. Ricardo is going to do commentary here. This should be good. Del Rio immediately takes Kofi down to start but Kofi speeds things up as you would expect. Kofi knocks Del Rio to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Alberto holding an abdominal stretch with Ricardo complaining that it’s 3-1 with Little Jimmy and R-Truth out there. Kofi escapes and hits an elbow and clothesline. A nice dropkick puts Del Rio down followed by the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise misses but the springboard cross body does as well. Armbreaker and we’re done at 6:10. Most of that was during the break so no rating, but this was nothing of note.

The coach talks to AJ in the back about putting aside her personal issues. AJ wants something special to happen tonight, like making the coach the guest referee for the main event. This is only made interesting by hearing JR talking about doing a reveal in something we weren’t supposed to hear. That’s production gaffe #3 tonight. For those of you counting, I only mentioned one of them. An incorrect graphic was put up earlier as well as AJ’s music playing too early.

Hell No vs. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler

This is non-title and AJ’s coach is referee for some reason. Scratch that as after the break before the match, AJ comes out as referee. Well I’m assuming she looks better in the outfit if nothing else. Kane and Ziggler start things off with Kane shoving him around a lot. Ziggler tries to get on Kane’s back but gets clotheslined to the floor. Bryan tags himself in as we take ANOTHER break.

Back with Ziggler holding Kane in the sleeper which means nothing anymore. A dropkick puts Kane down for two but the monster comes back with the low dropkick for two. A jumping DDT takes Kane down again and there’s the tag to Punk for the corner clothesline. Say it with me: the bulldog is countered. A side slam gets two on Punk as we still haven’t seen Bryan yet.

Kane hits the clothesline but as usual, Bryan tags in while Kane sets for the chokeslam. Punk kicks Bryan out of the air but Bryan moonsaults out of the corner. A clothesline from Daniel sets up the kicks and he takes Ziggler down as well, only to walk into the high kick for two. Dolph comes in and dropkicks Bryan to the floor. Bryan gets thrown into the barricade which gets two back inside and we hit the chinlock.

Back to Punk who goes up and gets crotched by Bryan. A butterfly superplex sets up the NO Lock on Punk but Punk (with Heyman’s help) makes the rope. AJ ejects both Heyman and Vickie, which makes Ziggler leave as well. Punk walks into the chokeslam and kane gets the pin at 12:35.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here but it felt more like an angle than the match itself. Bryan and Kane have more or less been turned face now which is the best thing for both of them. They also weren’t featured as much tonight which is another good thing for them, as the company was bordering on overkill with them. Not a great match but it did its job….whatever that was.

Overall Rating: D+. This one felt flat to me. The biggest problem of all was that in the first two hours or so, everything felt really short, making it hard to get into anything. I’m wondering what the point was in squashing Clay, but more importantly we have Ryback getting face to face with Punk in the ring and the place going NUTS. That’s a really good sign for Ryback and hopefully it means something for the future. Not a good show tonight as it felt really flat, but it wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen.

Results

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Epico/Primo – Top Rope Splash to Primo

Antonio Cesaro b. Brodus Clay – Neutralizer

The Miz b. Zack Ryder – Skull Crushing Finale

Ryback b. Tensai – Clothesline

Eve Torres b. Beth Phoenix – Spinning Neckbreaker

Santino Marella b. Heath Slater via DQ when Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal interfered

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick

Alberto Del Rio b. Kofi Kingston – Cross Armbreaker

Hell No b. Dolph Ziggler/CM Punk – Chokeslam to Punk

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