ECW on Sci Fi
Date: January 2, 2007
Location: Lakeland Center, Lakeland, Florida
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s time for the new year and I’m curious to see how this one goes compared to the first. To say that ECW is in a weird place at the moment is an understatement, as the only people who really matter are facing each other tonight, as Rob Van Dam challenges Bobby Lashley for the ECW Title. Let’s get to it.

Here is two weeks ago if you need a recap.

The opening video sets up the title match by talking about how Van Dam wants the title back but has to go through the dominant force. Works well enough.

Opening sequence.

Test is in the ring to open things up and wastes no time in complaining about how he won the main event two weeks ago (which we see) but still didn’t win the vote for the title match. That doesn’t surprise him but he wants to know where the logic is in voting for a man who can’t even win a match. Title matches are made by winners and he wins a lot, like he is going to do right now.

Test vs. Sabu

Sabu hammers away to start and takes Test down for a running dropkick to the side of the head. That earns him a trio of backbreakers for two and the bearhug goes on. Sabu gets out and hits the springboard elbow to the face but Test slams him down again. The top rope jump of uncertain purpose hits raised boots and Sabu hits a springboard tornado DDT for two. Test has finally had it and kicks Sabu in the face, setting up the TKO for the pin.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t a squash but it did its job well enough. They aren’t really hiding the fact that Test is going to be the next challenger for whoever comes out of tonight’s title match, likely at the Royal Rumble. Test is going to be fine for a quick challenger and building him up by mostly mowing down Sabu is a good way to start.

Video on the Sandman.

Here are Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay for a chat. It isn’t about if they will win but rather if it is by knockout or tap out.

Full Blooded Italians vs. Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke

Burke hammers Guido down to start but he comes back up with some right hands. A crucifix gives Guido two so Burke punches him down again and hands it off to Terkay so the real destruction can begin. Burke comes back in for a running knee in the corner but misses an elbow. It’s off to Mamaluke for the first time so Burke clotheslines him down. Terkay adds an armbar for the easy win.

Rating: D+. Total squash here and that worked out well enough, though Burke and Terkay are not exactly the most thrilling guys to watch. Burke has the charisma but Terkay is someone who feels like a pretty standard monster. That might be part of why this was his last televised match with the company before being released later in the month.

Matt Striker gives us a math lesson to show why CM Punk can’t beat Hardcore Holly next week. Holly comes in to say Punk won’t beat him next week.

Tommy Dreamer joins us for an interview via satellite, but first we see his various destructions at the hands of Great Khali. Dreamer says he is going to keep going after Khali because that is the kind of man that he is.

Rob Van Dam thanks the fans for the title shot and is ready to get the title back.

Kevin Thorn vs. Balls Mahoney

Ariel is here with Thorn and Brad Armstrong is on commentary again. Thorn hammers Mahoney down as Armstrong talks about how many titles he was winning when these two were kids. Mahoney gets hit in the face in the middle of the ring and in the ropes as Armstrong mentions that the referee is his brother. Some shots to the face get Mahoney out of trouble for a good two seconds, but Thorn elbows him in the face for the pin. Ariel is VERY pleased by the blood that the elbow drew.

Bobby Lashley is ready for anything Rob Van Dam throws at him and promises to retain the title.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Vladimir Kozlov is here and says he loves ECW. He could beat both Rob Van Dam and Bobby Lashley too. Koslov: “I love Double Double E!”

ECW World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Lashley

Van Dam is challenging and his headlock is tossed off with something like a powerbomb without much effort. Lashley wins a slugout out of the corner and tosses Van Dam around again. The bearhug keeps Van Dam in trouble and a spinebuster makes it even worse. Van Dam gets tossed hard to the floor but comes back in with some kicks to the face. The springboard kick to the face gets two on Lashley and the split legged moonsault is good for the same.

Lashley is right back with an overhead belly to belly suplex for two of his own, followed by a torture rack dropped into a backbreaker for the same. The one armed delayed vertical suplex (because of course) connects but Van Dam kicks a spear away. A top rope kick to the face puts Lashley down but Rolling Thunder misses. They head outside with Lashley being dropped onto the announcers’ table but he stands up. Van Dam dives off the middle rope with a clothesline….and that’s enough to throw up the X as Van Dam seems to have injured his leg.

Rating: C. This was enough of a back and forth match with Lashley dominating but Rob getting in enough to keep things interesting. The ending felt storylineish enough to set up a rematch but what matters here is they have something for Lashley to do. Van Dam is pretty much the only real challenger that he has so putting them together right out of the blocks makes a bit of sense. You don’t want Lashley feeling flat, so go with the one thing you have and try to set something else up later.

Both guys get checked on with no one talking to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not much of a show here, but you can see where they are going with the title picture for the next few weeks. The rest of the show was designed to showcase some more people on the roster, but they aren’t exactly interesting in the first place. ECW is definitely in a state of flux at the moment, and that could make for some very weak times in the coming weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: December 26, 2006
Hosts: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s time to wrap up the year and since this is the day after Christmas, that means a Best Of show, which is about all you could do in this situation. ECW came back in June and things have been hit or miss since then, but there have been enough positives to make for a nice hour of stuff. Let’s get to it.

Note that I’ll be posting the full versions of matches instead of clips for the sake of sanity.

Joey and Tazz welcome us to the show and we see Tazz beating Jerry Lawler in short order at One Night Stand, thanks to Joey’s help.

From One Night Stand.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

Cena is defending under Extreme Rules and OH MY GOODNESS THE HATRED IS STRONG. The fans boo Cena so far out of the building, with the famous IF CENA WINS WE RIOT banner making it all the more perfect (mainly because these people would in fact riot). Cena tries to throw the shirt to the crowd but they throw it back four times, making him seem a little shaken, which you don’t see too often (then again, you don’t see a crowd like this very often either).

This is a level of hatred you don’t see very often but thankfully Van Dam does the finger pointing to get the focus off of Cena a bit. The fans throw toilet paper at Cena as the bell rings and there’s the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant. Cena gets a quick two off a fisherman’s suplex but the chants continue. Van Dam is back with a spinning kick to the face and the fans give him a WHOLE F***ING SHOW chant.

Back in the BOO/YAY punches are on with Cena knocking Van Dam outside. Fans: “SAME OLD S***!” Cena follows with a top rope ax handle to the floor and the fans still aren’t impressed. Since he knows how to be a bit of a heel when he wants to be, Cena holds up the title but Van Dam kicks him away. A moonsault off the apron brings up the RVD chants again but another one off the barricade is shoved into the crowd.

Cena does the bravest thing in his career by following him out but Van Dam is right back with the spinning kick to the back over the barricade. Van Dam hits the slingshot legdrop on the apron and there’s the skateboard dropkick to drive a chair into Cena’s face. Rolling Thunder onto a chair onto Cena gets two but Cena gets the chair up to block the split legged moonsault. The YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants start up again as Cena wedges a chair in the corner.

Van Dam goes head first into said chair for two and Cena rubs the salt in with the Shuffle. The FU takes too long though and Rob scores with a spinwheel kick. Rob drops him onto the apron and hits a dropkick to the floor for another knockdown. It’s table time but Cena pulls him down into the STFU. The rope is grabbed, sending Cena into a shoving match because rope breaks shouldn’t matter here.

Cena decks the referee and throws in some steps to get more violent. A shot to the head gets two from a Smackdown referee but here’s a guy in a motorcycle helmet to spear Cena through a table in the corner. Of course it’s Edge and Rob is back up with the Five Star, with Paul Heyman running in to count the pin to give Van Dam the title.

Rating: B+. This is a great example of a match that is carried even higher by the crowd reaction. The fans hated Cena and everything he represented, which made things that much better. They had a really good match on their own but the crowd reaction took it to another level. On top of that, it was a heck of a match because the two of them are able to bring it on the big stage under the bright lights. They had a lot of things going on here, and that’s how it should be in an ECW moment. Good stuff, and the only ending they could have had.

Rob is announced as the new ECW Champion and the huge celebration is on. The locker room comes out to celebrate with the champ as Heyman looks very pleased to end the show.

Video on Sabu.

We see Rob Van Dam losing both of his titles in back to back nights, with the rather dumb decisions that led to the losses being left out.

From July 4.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and it’s Extreme Rules, meaning we do get a weapons check before the bell (granted that might have been to fill time during the break). Rob slugs away to little avail as Show runs him over with a shoulder. A headbutt puts Van Dam on the floor and the fans let Show know he can’t wrestle. Show clotheslines him over the barricade and they walk in front of the fans in the front row. There is no random swearing or violence so you can tell that this isn’t a real ECW crowd. Rob manages to jump onto the barricade for a kick to the head and we take a break.

Back with Rob hitting a springboard kick to the face but Show catches him on top with a superplex. Show kicks him in the head to keep him down and then stands on Van Dam’s chest in the corner. The fans chant for marijuana as Show drops some elbows for two. A bearhug doesn’t last long so Show switches to a backbreaker and bends Van Dam’s back over his knee. Van Dam knees his way to freedom and kicks the knee out, followed by a basement crossbody.

Rolling Thunder gets two and there’s a running spinwheel kick in the corner. Show catches him in the air though and tosses Van Dam outside. The steps are picked up but Van Dam gets in a drop toehold to send Show face first into them. Van Dam goes up top but Show pulls the dive out of the air in an impressive catch. Rob’s chair is swatted away and there’s a chokeslam for two.

Show knocks the referee away and grabs a powerbomb, only to have Van Dam chair him in the head. There’s the Van Daminator into the Five Star but there’s no referee. Cue Heyman to count two….and stop before three because we’ve got a screwjob. Show hits a nasty chair to the head and a chokeslam onto the chair gives Show the pin and the title with Heyman counting the pin.

Rating: C-. Ignoring all of the shenanigans and the necessity of the title change, the match was only ok at best, with Show doing his power stuff and Van Dam bouncing off of him over and over. Then you got to the ending, which was telegraphed but again, they didn’t have much of a choice. Van Dam had to drop the title to someone and other than Kurt Angle, who he beat last week, who else was there but Big Show? Sure it was about as close to the Survivor Series 2002 story with Van Dam in Brock Lesnar’s place, but they didn’t have much of an option otherwise.

Video on Test, who might squeak in as a Best Of in the last few weeks.

Tazz doesn’t like the Christmas tree on the set.

Van Dam came back and got some matches with Big Show, including a ladder match, but none of them were for the title. Paul Heyman brought in Hardcore Holly to fight Van Dam, setting up a rather memorable match….which we don’t see here. Ok then.

Video on Sandman.

We look back at Extreme Strip Poker.

Video on CM Punk.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

Like we could go with anything else.

From December To Dismember.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Show is defending in the Extreme Elimination Chamber, meaning there is a weapon in each pod. Hardcore Holly is in at #1 and Rob Van Dam is in at #2 and there are five minute intervals. Holly takes him into the corner and starts kicking away but Rob pops up and gets sent into the cage….but holds onto the side because he can. The spinning high crossbody only hits the rope though and Van Dam crashes down again. Van Dam gets sent into the cage again but manages to get a boot up to cut off a diving Holly.

Rolling Thunder over the top rope hits Holly but he suplexes Van Dam back inside. There’s the dropkick and it’s CM Punk with his chair in at #3. A monkey flip sends Holly onto the chair and Punk kicks Van Dam down. The chair is wedged in the corner and Van Dam, who has been busted open somewhere in there, is sent hard into it. Punk kicks him again but Holly is back up with a side slam. Holly drops Punk onto the top rope and there’s a top rope superplex to take him down again.

Test, with his crowbar, is in at #4 and hits Punk in the ribs before clawing at Van Dam’s cut. Punk grabs a Stunner on Test of the top rope and the bloody Van Dam kicks Holly in the face. Van Dam skateboards the chair into Punk in the corner and hits the Five Star for the pin and the elimination for Punk’s first pinfall in WWE. Test kicks Holly in the face for an elimination, even if the count didn’t seem to go down properly. Van Dam goes up top but Test chairs him in the knee and pulls him right back down in a crash.

An elbow off the top of the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is good for the elimination, meaning that the countdown to Lashley is official. It also means that the ring is clear, save for Test, for about a minute and a half because this match can’t time things either. Bobby Lashley with his table is….not allowed to get in because test and the security guards block the door. That’s fine with Lashley, who uses the table to break the roof open and climbs through the top. Eh points for a cool entrance.

Lashley unloads for a bit until Test gets him into the corner for some choking. Lashley suplexes him down, hits him with the crowbar, and nails a spear for the pin. Therefore, let’s wait a minute and a half before Big Show with his barbed wire baseball bat can come in at #6 to give us the showdown. Lashley has to use the chair to shield himself with the bat but manages to knock Show outside anyway. Show is sent through the pod to bust him open but he knocks Lashley down again. Back in and the chokeslam is countered into a DDT, followed by a spear for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. And that’s probably high. This was a really dull Chamber with the two badly times falls that left them sitting around with nothing to do for a few minutes. The match is less than twenty five minutes and you knew that Lashley had the title won with about ten minutes to go.

Look at the participants here. Van Dam, Show and Lashley are fine, but that leaves you with three pretty weak choices. Punk would go on to become a huge star, but at this point he had been around for a few months with his career consisting of feuds with Shannon Moore and Mike Knox. That is kind of lacking in any kind of meaningful wins in WWE and it showed badly. The other two are Test and Hardcore Holly as a replacement. That leaves you with three options, but Test dominated a good portion of the middle. That’s the best they could put together and that should tell you a whole low.

The show was long past the point of saving by the time we got to the match, but then they had this boring mess to make it even worse. There was no drama, the popular guys were done in less than fifteen minutes and the weapons managed to make it less violent than the previous Elimination Chambers. Not the worst match of all time, but pretty horrible and probably the worst Chamber match to date, if nothing else for the star power included and the lack of drama near the end.

After Lashley beat Big Show in a rematch to get rid of him, it was time for a new #1 contender.

From December 19.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Joined in progress with everyone down on the floor until Van Dam takes Test back inside for a superkick. The standing moonsault gets two but Van Dam gets shoved off the top and into the barricade for his traditional crash. Sabu is back up as well and gets crotched on top to put him in trouble again.

Van Dam comes back in for the Tower of Doom and a pair of near falls. A flip over Sabu sets up a clothesline to Test and some double teaming gets two each. There is Rolling Thunder for two more on Test and he is sent outside. That leaves Sabu to hit the springboard leg lariat for two but Van Dam crotches him on top. The Five Star hits Sabu but Test comes in and decks Van Dam to steal the pin.

Rating: C-. This might not have been the most interesting match and the ending is about as played out of a triple threat finish as you are going to get, but it was a smart decision. Test isn’t going to win the fan vote, but now he has a reason to get a title shot later on if that’s where you want to go. Given how few options ECW has for a major Lashley match, Test is as good as anyone else they could throw out there at the moment. Smart booking to a pretty weak match.

Post match we get the results of the fan voting:

Van Dam – 45%
Test – 18%
Sabu – 37%

Van Dam is pleased but gets big booted by Test. With Test gone, Van Dam gets up and bows to Sabu, as the big boot might have kept him down for five seconds.

Tazz and Joey wrap it up, with Tazz handing Joey his Christmas present. Joey: “It says Michael Cole and it’s ticking.” Tazz beats up the Christmas tree with a barbed wire baseball bat to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. They managed to come pretty close to screwing up a Best Of show here, which really shouldn’t be possible. This was more a quick history of the main stories over the last seven months, with stuff that was actually good left out. ECW didn’t have a banner year in 2006 but they had enough good stuff to get through forty five minutes. That doesn’t bode well for their future, but it isn’t like they have far to fall anyway.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: December 19, 2006
Location: Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, Virginia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re almost done with the year and I’m not sure what that is going to mean for this week. Last week’s show felt like a total throw away episode, but I’m curious about how much of that was over the big shakeup behind the scenes. Hopefully they don’t wait until the new year to fix things up. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Bobby Lashley for a match but first we see some shots of Lashley in Iraq to visit the troops earlier this month. Also before the match, Lashley talks about what the title means to him and stops reflect on the Big Show. If Show ever wants it back, come take it from him whenever he wants.

Lashley gets a little emotional before saying the fans can vote on who gets an ECW Title shot in two weeks. Their choices are Rob Van Dam, Sabu and Test with voting online. Lashley plugs Tribute To The Troops but here is Rene Dupree to interrupt. Dupree rips on the troops, who needed the boost because they are losing over there. He is challenging Lashley, who hits him in the face to start in a hurry.

Bobby Lashley vs. Rene Dupree

Non-title. Lashley slams him, shrugs off a poke to the eye, slams him two more times, and then sends it outside. Dupree manages a quick knee life and a neckbreaker over the ropes, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up and Lashley hits the delayed vertical suplex, meaning it’s the Dominator for the fast pin.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Brad Armstrong of all people is on commentary here. Mahoney charges in and punches Striker down to start as we discuss where Armstrong is from. Striker takes him down and chokes with the shirt for a few near falls in a row. The armbar goes on but Mahoney rolls him into the corner for the break. There are the snap jabs but Mahoney blocks the low blow and takes him down again. The guillotine legdrop misses though and Striker hits the Golden Rule (that always weird move where he puts his knee behind Mahoney’s head and spins him back to drive the head into the knee).

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to see here and the really dumb looking finisher didn’t make it better. Striker vs. Mahoney is the kind of feud that makes a lot of sense, but you’re only going to get so far with Striker in general. He’s a good heel, but he’s a good midcard heel at best, so hopefully they don’t try to go much higher with him than this.

Test says he should get the title shot because he has beaten Rob Van Dam over and over and Sabu is just another victim.

Rob Van Dam remembers being ECW Champion and promises to get the title back if he gets the chance.

Here is Hardcore Holly for a chat. Holly says that there is an ugly rumor that he tapped out to CM Punk last week. What really happened was the referee had to step in and save Punk’s life. Punk can’t make him tap out, so get out here right now. Cue Punk, but Holly says Punk only has three minutes to make him tap.

Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk

Three minute time limit so Punk goes straight for the Anaconda Vice. With that not working, it’s off to a lockup with Holly taking him into the corner at a minute in. Holly takes him down and gets in a kick to the head before tying Punk up in the ropes. We’re down to a minute left as Holly puts on the chinlock. That’s broken up and Punk goes for the Vice again but time runs out.

Rating: D. Much more of an angle than a match here and there is only so much you can do in a three minute match involving a chinlock. Punk not being able to make Holly tap in three minutes doesn’t exactly make him look bad, and we should be in for a rematch sooner rather than later. Punk is on the rise and a definitive win over Holly should help him a lot.

Post match, Holly hits the Alabama Slam.

Shannon Moore runs into Daivari and gets a match with Great Khali for his transgression.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Great Khali vs. Shannon Moore

Khali throws him into the corner to start as here’s Tommy Dreamer to chair Daivari down. As we look at that, Khali finishes with the double chokeslam.

Post match Khali goes outside and knocks the chair away from Dreamer, setting up another double chokeslam onto the steps (THUD). Khali takes Daivari to the back.

Video on Sabu.

Dreamer is taken out on a stretcher.

See No Evil is on DVD.

We look at Mike Knox attacking Kelly Kelly two weeks ago.

Knox says he dumped Kelly because he is the victim. What if your girlfriend or wife kept taking her clothes off? She never hid her feelings for CM Punk so he stopped hiding his true feelings. It hurt him more than it hurt her.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Joined in progress with everyone down on the floor until Van Dam takes Test back inside for a superkick. The standing moonsault gets two but Van Dam gets shoved off the top and into the barricade for his traditional crash. Sabu is back up as well and gets crotched on top to put him in trouble again.

Van Dam comes back in for the Tower of Doom and a pair of near falls. A flip over Sabu sets up a clothesline to Test and some double teaming gets two each. There is Rolling Thunder for two more on Test and he is sent outside. That leaves Sabu to hit the springboard leg lariat for two but Van Dam crotches him on top. The Five Star hits Sabu but Test comes in and decks Van Dam to steal the pin.

Rating: C-. This might not have been the most interesting match and the ending is about as played out of a triple threat finish as you are going to get, but it was a smart decision. Test isn’t going to win the fan vote, but now he has a reason to get a title shot later on if that’s where you want to go. Given how few options ECW has for a major Lashley match, Test is as good as anyone else they could throw out there at the moment. Smart booking to a pretty weak match.

Post match we get the results of the fan voting:

Van Dam – 45%

Test – 18%

Sabu – 37%

Van Dam is pleased but gets big booted by Test. With Test gone, Van Dam gets up and bows to Sabu, as the big boot might have kept him down for five seconds.

Overall Rating: D+. Another not very good show, but the big upgrade over last week was they actually had a point this time around. There was a focus on the title and getting Lashley a new challenger, which at least made the show seem somewhat important. They have a long way to go and I hope that it gets better in the near future, but this was at least a step above last week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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December To Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Well here we go. For the first time ever, the reincarnated ECW is getting its own pay per view and we have two matches announced on the way in. One of those matches features two teams who aren’t on ECW and the other is the EXTREME Elimination Chamber. This is not exactly looking promising but let’s get to it.

The opening video entirely focuses on the Chamber, with nothing else getting any focus. So half of the matches got a look, so maybe things are looking up.

Hardys vs. MNM

This is the result of the Hardys’ open challenge and neither of the teams are on ECW. Matt starts with Mercury and shoulders him down, meaning it’s already off to a double standoff. With that settled down, Mercury shrugs off some arm cranking and hands it off to Nitro as everything breaks down again. The Hardys clean house and it’s Nitro blocking Jeff’s jawbreaker and taking him into the corner to put him in trouble for the first time.

Jeff isn’t having that either and fights out, allowing the tag off to Matt to pick up the pace again. Melina offers a distraction though and MNM manages a double gutbuster to take him down. A double belly to back faceplant gets two on Matt but he manages a double DDT. Jeff gets knocked off the apron and it’s MNM hitting Poetry In Motion to rock Matt again. Not that it matters as Matt fights up and makes it over to Jeff for the hot tag a few seconds later anyway.

Everything breaks down again and it’s time for the parade of dives onto the floor. Back in and Nitro hits a springboard missile dropkick for two on Jeff. A double catapult sends Jeff face first into the buckle and Mercury cranks on both of Jeff’s arms for a bit. Jeff gets flipped into the corner and some forearms to the back keep him in trouble. There’s a slingshot elbow for two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

With that broken up, another double catapult is countered as Jeff comes back with a double Whisper in the Wind. The hot tag brings in Matt, including the middle rope legdrop for two on Nitro. Back up and Nitro snaps off a super hurricanrana on Jeff but the Hardys get up again and nail stereo superplexes.

With Jeff up first, Melina gets on the apron but her slap is blocked by Jeff grabbing his arm. Jeff steps away and Nitro dropkicks Melina by mistake, setting up a rollup for a rather hot near fall. The Snapshot gets two with Matt making the save so MNM puts Jeff on top. Matt makes another save and neckbreakers them down, setting up the Swanton onto the two of them for the double pin.

Rating: B. It’s rather good and I don’t think anyone should be surprised by that. You had two great teams going at it in a twenty minute match. I’m not sure how this couldn’t be good, though it’s kind of disappointing to hear that both teams are splitting up after this. It doesn’t make sense given how good this was, but it isn’t like WWE really cares about the tag division anyway.

Commentary hypes up the Elimination Chamber. It isn’t a good sign that they need filler like this.

Rob Van Dam is ready to take the risks for the chance to become ECW Champion again.

Here’s Matt Striker for a chat and it’s time to go downhill. Striker talks about the chaos and destruction that is coming tonight in the Chamber. He asks the fans if they want to see someone like him in an extreme rules match. The fans approve, so Striker is going to be in an EXTREME RULES match tonight. Now that means an EXTREME enforcement of the RULES of course, meaning no eye gouging, hair pulling, coming off the top or foul language of course. Let’s see how extreme his opponent can be.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney throws him down to start so Striker comes back with some forearms. That’s broken up so Mahoney tries a cross armbreaker of all things, with Striker going straight to the ropes. More forearms to the back stagger Mahoney and striker sends him shoulder first into the post. A Regal Cutter gives Striker two and it’s time to crank on the arm.

Mahoney comes back with right hands to the face (Striker picks no eye gouging but ignores punches from a guy with a signature sequence involving punches to the face. Right.) but gets pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Mahoney’s arm gives out on the snap jab attempt. Striker crotches him on top and the Fujiwara armbar goes on again. Mahoney fights back up with a belly to back suplex and now the punches work. The sitout spinebuster finishes Striker off.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fact that we’re on pay per view, this wouldn’t have even been a good TV match. Striker wanted the rules enforced and then they had a regular match. Having Mahoney win was one of the two ways they could have gone, but if this was their way of giving the fans something to cheer for, we’re in a lot more trouble than I thought.

Brian Pillman has a DVD (not on Peacock obviously).

Sabu has been attacked. After losing on Tuesday, it isn’t like he had any momentum or chance anyway. So yeah he’s not likely for the main event and you can hear the BULLS*** chants as we come back to the arena.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. FBI

Trinity is here with the FBI. Before the match, Burke promises that they will leave their mark like a wild beast in heat. Commentary drools over Trinity as Guido and Burke (in a hat) start things off. Guido takes him down (and steals his hat) by the arm and hands it off to Mamaluke. A few fans try a WHERE’S MY PIZZA chant ala the original ECW because he thinks it is still alive.

Terkay misses a splash in the corner but manages to pull Guido’s high crossbody out of the air. After Terkay throws the FBI outside, it’s back in for a chinlock from Burke. Guido fights up and hands it off to Mamaluke so the pace can pick up. A double dropkick into a double flapjack gets two on Burke but Terkay gets in a cheap shot from the apron. The Elijah Experience finishes Mamaluke.

Rating: D+. Slightly better match but that is mainly due to having slightly more interesting people involved. Terkay and Burke are two more people who don’t really feel like they belong in ECW but at least they did something here and add a little variety. Not much of a match, though you have to take what you can get on this show.

Post match, Terkay hits Guido with a MuscleBuster for a bonus.

CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch Sabu being loaded into an ambulance.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Great Khali is here with Daivari, who rants about how Khali in Farsi. Daivari hammers away to start but a glare from Dreamer sends him bailing outside (just don’t let Dreamer talk). Back in and a hiptoss sends Daivari right back to the floor but this time he comes back in with a dropkick. There’s a baseball slide to put Dreamer on the floor but he reverses a whip to send Daivari into the barricade.

Back in and Khali low bridges Dreamer right back to the floor, earning himself an ejection. The fans say they want hardcore but get a neck crank into a chinlock instead. Dreamer fights up drops backwards onto Daivari for the break, followed by a reverse DDT for two. The Death Valley Driver is broken up but Daivari catches him on top. That means the Tree of Woe into the running dropkick…..but then Daivari rolls him up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D-. Gah no. Another nothing match here which would have been bad either here or on television and that is hardly the kind of thing that is going to make the show better. The ending was pretty awful as Dreamer just started to get going and then Daivari pinned him without much thinking. Bad match, bad setup and worse ending, especially on this show.

Post match Dreamer chases Daivari up the stage, where Khali catches him with the tree slam. Therefore, we pause for Dreamer to be checked on but then get up.

Paul Heyman puts Hardcore Holly into the main event to replace Sabu. This is booed out of the building.

Kelly Kelly/Mike Knox vs. Ariel/Kevin Thorn

Oh this could be trouble. Before the match, Kelly wishes CM Punk luck in the main event. The guys start (thank goodness) by shoving each other around before Thorn clotheslines him down and grabs a quickly released neck crank. A hard clothesline cuts Knox down again and we hit another nothing chinlock.

Knox fights up with a slam for two and kicks Thorn in the face for a knockdown. This time it’s Knox cranking on Thorn’s neck but Ariel makes the save. She even stays in this time and wants Kelly to join her, meaning it’s time for a lot of hair pulling (Striker disapproves). A boot choke in the corner has Tazz losing his train of thought and an ax handle to the back cuts Kelly off again. Kelly manages to kick Ariel away though….and Knox walks out on her, leaving Ariel to hit a choke STO for the pin.

Rating: D-. It was a nothing match and the high point was Mike Knox vs. Kevin Thorn. This is airing on pay per view and would have been an ice cold match on TV in addition to the match being terrible as a bonus. I didn’t think this show could actually fall even further but this pay per view continues to amaze me.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Sandman makes the save. Thorn gets caned down and beer is consumed.

We get a video of Michael Cole running down the Armageddon card. Also not on Peacock.

Bobby Lashley says it is his destiny to win the title.

Video on the Elimination Chamber. Notice the high level of padding tonight.

We’re still not ready yet though as here is Paul Heyman, with security, for a chat. Heyman talks about how Hulkamania will die with Hulk Hogan and WOO will die with Ric Flair. ECW will live on behind him though, with Big Show as its champion. The days of Sandman and Sabu and Tommy Dreamer are over and it is the ECW of the Big Show. Now lower the Chamber!

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Show is defending in the Extreme Elimination Chamber, meaning there is a weapon in each pod. Hardcore Holly is in at #1 and Rob Van Dam is in at #2 and there are five minute intervals. Holly takes him into the corner and starts kicking away but Rob pops up and gets sent into the cage….but holds onto the side because he can. The spinning high crossbody only hits the rope though and Van Dam crashes down again. Van Dam gets sent into the cage again but manages to get a boot up to cut off a diving Holly.

Rolling Thunder over the top rope hits Holly but he suplexes Van Dam back inside. There’s the dropkick and it’s CM Punk with his chair in at #3. A monkey flip sends Holly onto the chair and Punk kicks Van Dam down. The chair is wedged in the corner and Van Dam, who has been busted open somewhere in there, is sent hard into it. Punk kicks him again but Holly is back up with a side slam. Holly drops Punk onto the top rope and there’s a top rope superplex to take him down again.

Test, with his crowbar, is in at #4 and hits Punk in the ribs before clawing at Van Dam’s cut. Punk grabs a Stunner on Test of the top rope and the bloody Van Dam kicks Holly in the face. Van Dam skateboards the chair into Punk in the corner and hits the Five Star for the pin and the elimination for Punk’s first pinfall in WWE. Test kicks Holly in the face for an elimination, even if the count didn’t seem to go down properly. Van Dam goes up top but Test chairs him in the knee and pulls him right back down in a crash.

An elbow off the top of the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is good for the elimination, meaning that the countdown to Lashley is official. It also means that the ring is clear, save for Test, for about a minute and a half because this match can’t time things either. Bobby Lashley with his table is….not allowed to get in because test and the security guards block the door. That’s fine with Lashley, who uses the table to break the roof open and climbs through the top. Eh points for a cool entrance.

Lashley unloads for a bit until Test gets him into the corner for some choking. Lashley suplexes him down, hits him with the crowbar, and nails a spear for the pin. Therefore, let’s wait a minute and a half before Big Show with his barbed wire baseball bat can come in at #6 to give us the showdown. Lashley has to use the chair to shield himself with the bat but manages to knock Show outside anyway. Show is sent through the pod to bust him open but he knocks Lashley down again. Back in and the chokeslam is countered into a DDT, followed by a spear for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. And that’s probably high. This was a really dull Chamber with the two badly times falls that left them sitting around with nothing to do for a few minutes. The match is less than twenty five minutes and you knew that Lashley had the title won with about ten minutes to go.

Look at the participants here. Van Dam, Show and Lashley are fine, but that leaves you with three pretty weak choices. Punk would go on to become a huge star, but at this point he had been around for a few months with his career consisting of feuds with Shannon Moore and Mike Knox. That is kind of lacking in any kind of meaningful wins in WWE and it showed badly. The other two are Test and Hardcore Holly as a replacement. That leaves you with three options, but Test dominated a good portion of the middle. That’s the best they could put together and that should tell you a whole low.

The show was long past the point of saving by the time we got to the match, but then they had this boring mess to make it even worse. There was no drama, the popular guys were done in less than fifteen minutes and the weapons managed to make it less violent than the previous Elimination Chambers. Not the worst match of all time, but pretty horrible and probably the worst Chamber match to date, if nothing else for the star power included and the lack of drama near the end.

Lashley’s pyro celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. What is there to say about this show? It’s a good match, then a C level version of the C level TV show and a huge main event which bombed as hard as anything in recent memory. This show felt slapped together and I would bet on the middle four matches being thrown together earlier in the day. Outside of the opener, the best match on the card was the FBI vs. Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Do you get how far you have fallen to have those four in second place?

This show made it very clear that WWE did not care about ECW and there was no stopping the show’s collapse even further into nothingness. There was no effort, there was one good match out of six (featuring people not from ECW) and the main event was a mixture of predictable and bad. This is what we got for the first ECW pay per view, which does at least give us a special milestone.

With this show, you can officially say that the new ECW is done. There wasn’t much to the show coming in and then it got even worse here. The show resulted in Paul Heyman leaving WWE and ECW, making this nothing more than the dumping ground for the people with nothing else to do. It was clear that the show wasn’t going to mean anything and once Heyman left, there was no reason to pretend anymore.

Heyman argued with Vince McMahon about the show both before and after, resulting in Heyman walking out on the company and not being seen again for over five years. Heyman’s idea was to have Punk make Show submit early and win the title, which worked fine for Show. Instead, Punk goes out first to end his undefeated streak. Heyman knew that things were done so he left, and after this debacle, can you really blame him?

One thing that doesn’t get the attention it deserves is the middle of the card with the four matches between the two they actually advertised. Striker vs. Mahoney is at least a logical way to go and Daivari vs. Dreamer has been built up a bit on TV. That leaves you with a tag team squash and a mixed tag with three heels and Kelly Kelly. I know WWE has a lot of problems, but they know how to throw together a four match series better than this. This felt like they were trying to troll the fans (or at least Heyman) and with none of these matches even hitting eight minutes, the lack of effort is pretty clear.

This show is about as perfect of an example of a show where WWE didn’t care and we were just left to get over it. It was a week after Survivor Series and two weeks before Armageddon, so in addition to treating the fans to an awful show, how many fans who watched or heard about the show passed on the next show because of what WWE delivered here?

This didn’t feel like a pay per view (a two hour and fifteen minute run time, comparable to Coliseum Videos didn’t help either) and it has absolutely earned the reputation that it maintains. I know it isn’t quite the same thing as a top level WWE pay per view, but it is hard to think of anything that the company has released that is near its level. This show is a complete disaster and one of the all time bombs on pay per view.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: November 28, 2006
Location: HSBC Center, Buffalo New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for December To Dismember and I’ll let the screaming begin now. The show has barely been touched as we have the main event and a lone tag match set, but for some reason that seems to be all we’re getting. This show is screaming BAD IDEA more than almost any I can ever remember so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Paul Heyman, with his security, to explain how the Elimination Chamber is going to work. This one is going to be EXTREME though, because each pod will have weapons. The big new information here: what the weapons are going to be! We’ll have a chair, a crowbar, a table and a barbed wire baseball bat, all of which get a quick demonstration. Violence is promised.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Before the match, Van Dam talks about how he knows the risks in the Chamber but they are worth the reward. Sabu talks about how his scars are his sacrifices, so imagine what he would sacrifice to be champion. Van Dam rolls him up to start and monkey flips him down for two more. Sabu kicks out the knee so Rob kicks him in the face twice in a row. Rob gets crotched on top but manages to crossbody Sabu out of the air to cut off the springboard leg lariat (that was cool).

We take a break and come back with Van Dam being knocked outside where he blocks Sabu’s sunset bomb. The apron moonsault connects (kind of) and Van Dam throws him back inside for a German suplex. Sabu starts going after the knee again but misses the slingshot legdrop. Rolling Thunder connects and, after blocking a springboard tornado DDT, Van Dam nails the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C. I mean, is anyone really buying Sabu as having a chance in the Chamber? Sabu isn’t a big star outside of the original ECW and there is no reason to buy that he is going to win the title here. Having Van Dam win here made a lot more sense and it is a good idea to give him some momentum going into the Chamber.

We recap Bobby Lashley’s debut as he jumped into the Chamber match, plus beating down Big Show last week.

Hardys vs. Elijah Burke/Sylvester Terkay

Burke sends Jeff into the corner to start so the Hardys come back with the double elbow into a flip dive from Jeff. The legdrop between the legs gets two but it’s off to Terkay to plant Jeff hard. A missed charge into the post cuts Terkay off again and the Hardys double team him down. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton finishes Terkay in a hurry (I think that’ll pretty much do it for him and the team).

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here to establish that the Hardys are still a thing. I’m not sure you need that to establish that one of the best teams ever is still a thing and I certainly don’t see the need to have Terkay take the fall, but I also don’t think they have put that much thought into anything around here. Other than that, it was a pretty simple squash and not much more.

Post match MNM runs in for the beatdown.

Clips from the December To Dismember press conference. How low level of a reporter would you have to be to draw that assignment?

CM Punk vs. Test

Test drives him into the corner to start and unloads with shots to the face. Punk comes back with forearms of his own but a clothesline cuts him off. They’re on the floor in a hurry with Punk managing to post him, only to have Test come back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long and there’s the shot to the face to knock Test outside. A suicide dive drops Test again and they brawl into the crowd for the double countout.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and was only supposed to be a Chamber preview. It says a lot that Test and Punk are allowed to avoid a loss while Sabu took a fall earlier tonight. The double countout makes more sense here as you don’t want someone of note taking a fall before the Chamber, which explains Sabu’s loss.

Test bails from the fight.

Paul Heyman asks Big Show why he is facing Bobby Lashley tonight. My guess is because you, the ECW boss, booked the match?

We recap the MNM beatdown from earlier.

MNM talked to the media about how awesome they are and promise to have a great one night reunion.

Kane is in See No Evil on DVD.

We run down the December To Dismember card. Usually you get a bonus match announced at this point. That isn’t the case with this show.

Another video on the Chamber.

Big Show vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title and Paul Heyman is at ringside. In an inset promo, Show promises to retain the title on Sunday. Lashley hammers away to start but Show sends him into the corner for the big chop. Show pounds away at the ribs and superkicks Lashley down to break up the comeback bid. After standing on Lashley in the corner, Show loads up the Vader Bomb but Lashley manages a bottom rope…..I guess that’s a superplex, followed by a spear. That’s enough for Heyman, who calls in the security and Test for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Much like the previous match, this was nothing more than a way to get these people in the ring as a preview for Sunday. Lashley is probably winning the title as that is the story they have been building up, even if it might seem a bit strange given how recently he arrived. That being said, who else is supposed to get it?

Post match the beatdown is on with Lashley being destroyed, including Show covering him for a count, to end the show. They might as well have handed him the title now given how little they are hiding Sunday’s results.

Overall Rating: C. They set up the show as well as they could, but you can see the cliff coming from here. The entire pay per view is based on one match and it involves Sabu, Test, a mostly unproven CM Punk and Big Show, with Rob Van Dam and Lashley thrown in on the side. MNM vs. the Hardys will be good just because the talent is there, but egads this has all the makings of an awful pay per view.\

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Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’ve always been a big Survivor Series fan and there is something great about seeing a milestone show with the 20^th edition. On top of that, we have three elimination tag matches for a change and the card looks pretty awesome. Then again that has been the case with several shows before and you never know if it is going to live up to the hype. The big non-elimination match is Batista vs. King Booker for Book’s Smackdown World Title so let’s get to it.

The opening video briefly talks about the anniversary before moving on to a traditional hype video looking at the big matches.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Legends: Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons

Spirit Squad: Kenny, Johnny, Mikey, Nicky

Arn Anderson and Mitch are at ringside. The Squad has been insulting Flair and the rest of the legends so it’s time to go to school. Simmons is replacing the injured Roddy Piper and scares Mikey down to start. A powerslam drops Mikey again and it’s a bunch of clotheslines to take the rest of the Squad down. Mitch offers a distraction though and Simmons goes out after him.

The stalking and watching Anderson beat up Mitch take a bit too long though and Simmons gets counted out. Simmons takes Mitch to the back with him and Anderson is ejected (with the fans NOT approving). That means Nicky gets to come in and request a salute from Slaughter, who works on his arm instead. It’s off to Flair for some shots of his own before handing it back to Slaughter for the cobra clutch. Kenny gets in a kick to the back of Slaughter’s head though and the mostly out Nicky gets the pin.

Dusty comes in for the Bionic Elbow to get rid of Nicky and it’s 3-2. Some jabs get Dusty out of the corner but a rollup is enough to finish him off. That leaves Flair alone against Kenny/Mikey/Johnny but Flair grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin. A small package gets rid of Kenny, meaning Flair can chop Johnny and put him in the Figure Four for the fast tap. Flair beat the last three of them in about two minutes.

Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course and it isn’t like the Squad means anything in the first place. Flair can beat all of these guys without breaking a sweat and he came pretty close here. The team almost has to be done now and that is going to be better for Raw at this point. The idea wasn’t going to work no matter what they did so to get as much as they did out of them is impressive enough. Pretty bad in-ring stuff, and that was never the point.

Post match the big beatdown is on with no one coming out for the save.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero for Benoit’s US Title. Benoit thinks that Chavo and Vickie Guerrero are taking advantage of Eddie Guerrero’s estate but they told him to stay out of their business (a fair point). Chavo beat Benoit up and tonight he can win the title.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo, with Vickie, is challenging. Benoit starts very fast with a slam into a backbreaker for two, followed by easily winning a strike off. A snap suplex and slam get two each on Chavo as JBL says Chavo made Rey quit like a little girl. I’m almost scared to imagine when/how JBL made a little girl say she quit. Chavo comes back with a series of strikes and sends Benoit hard into the post.

There’s a Saito suplex for two and the armbar goes on. Benoit gets creative with a Samoan drop to escape but Chavo dropkicks him right back down. A suplex sets up the frog splash for two but Chavo stops to yell some more. Benoit fights up again and knocks Chavo away for a needed breather so Vickie gets on the apron. After dealing the pesky manager, it’s the Crossface to retain the title.

Rating: C. That is pretty much it for Chavo being seen as anything serious as he loses the big showdown after Benoit kicks out of his finisher. What other reason is there to buy into him at this point? Chavo was not exactly a can’t miss prospect here anyway and it’s ok for him to not win, but this should wrap it up on him being seen as a serious villain, at least for the time being.

Lita, with Edge, affirms that she is still retiring after her title match against Mickie James no matter what. Edge makes fun of Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb while Cryme Tyme sneaks in and steals a box. Edge rants about DX as Cryme Tyme sneaks out of the room.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending and gets driven into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs to start. Some kicks to the ribs slow Mickie down and Lita counters a headscissors out of the corner by slamming Mickie down on her face (the simple ones always work). The fans deem Lita a “crack w****” as she gets some near falls. With the chant down, Lawler is right there with more jokes about Lita as the bodyscissors has Mickie in trouble.

Lita misses a splash of all things, sending Lawler into the joy of hope over a wardrobe malfunction. Mickie kicks her in the face for two but the hurricanrana out of the corner is countered into another faceplant. The Litacanrana gets two but the DDT is countered with a grab of the rope. They trade rollups for two each until Mickie hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was about what you would expect from a big Raw showdown but what matters is passing the torch (which Mickie has held before). The bad thing here was the amount of jokes at Lita’s expense, as commentary laid it in even thicker than usual. I know she’s leaving, but WWE can be rather cruel with these things at times, which was the case here.

Post match Lita insists on being called the greatest of all time but has to rant at the fans for disrespecting her so much. Cue Cryme Tyme with the box, sending Lita further over the edge. It’s time for a “ho sale” but it’s cash only. First item up is some yeast infection medicine, followed by some underwear (which JBL wants to smell before buying). Something that vibrates goes for $25 and finally, Lita’s box (it’s cheap and wide) is a hot item to wrap it up. Kind of a cruel way to go, but at least it saves them the cost of a trash bag (April 2021 reference for those of you reading this in 3847).

Earlier today, Batista wouldn’t answer any of Michel Cole’s questions. After a clip of the beatdown on Smackdown, Batista says he’s leaving as champion.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

DX: HHH/Shawn Michaels/Matt Hardy/CM Punk/Jeff Hardy

Rated-RKO: Edge/Randy Orton/Gregory Helms/Mike Knox/Johnny Nitro

The fans are way into Punk so HHH lets him ask if they are ready. The bell rings and HHH has Kelly Kelly get on the apron for a better view (while covering Shawn’s eyes of course). The distraction lets Shawn hit the superkick for a fast pin and elimination. Shawn chops away at Nitro and hands it off to Jeff to knock him down as well. Helms comes in to take Matt down and it’s Edge coming in as well to stomp away.

The villains start taking turns on Matt, who has to cover up from Nitro’s right hands to the head. Matt kicks him away and brings Punk in, much to the fans’ delight. Matt’s neck snap across the top sets up a Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice to eliminate Nitro. Orton dropkicks Punk down and Helms takes over with a front facelock to keep him on the mat for a bit.

The yet to be named Codebreaker connects for Helms and the RKO gets two with HHH making a save. It’s back to HHH for the jumping knees to the face as everything breaks down. Jeff and Shawn hit some dives onto the floor, leaving HHH to bust Helms’ spine. The Twist of Fate into the spinebuster gets rid of Helms and it’s Rated-RKO against all five members of the other team. Rated-RKO try to leave but get thrown back inside for Poetry in Motion into Sweet Chin Music to get rid of Edge. Another superkick into the Pedigree finishes Orton for the win.

Rating: D+. How weird is it to see a squash in a Survivor Series elimination match? Granted the talent on one side was completely nuts but my goodness man. This was completely one sided and I’m not sure how wise that was. Rated-RKO were decimated here, Helms’ title somehow lost even more value and Nitro was just a guy. It was fun, but I’m not sure if this was the smartest move.

We recap Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Kennedy is the latest young guy to go after Undertaker and say he is the new big star. This time Kennedy even managed to bust Undertaker open with his microphone so tonight it’s a First Blood match, which seems like a nice way out of having someone take a fall.

Mr. Kennedy is ready for his match but MVP gives him a pep talk anyway.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

First Blood. Kennedy hammers away to start and gets knocked over the top for his efforts. Undertaker sends him face first into the announcers’ table and then throws Kennedy over it for a bonus. Some headbutts have Kennedy in pain and there’s a big boot to to drop him again. Kennedy is back up with a whip into the steps but gets posted to cut that off in a hurry. Back in and Undertaker hits a top rope superplex but Kennedy is back with a low blow.

Undertaker doesn’t seem to mind and kicks away at the ribs before hammering away in the corner. Another low blow slows Undertaker down but Kennedy’s nose is busted. Cue MVP to towel Kennedy’s blood off….and throw Kennedy back inside as payback for Kennedy doing the same thing on Smackdown. Kennedy hammers away but here is MVP with a chair, which hits Undertaker by mistake (in theory) to bust him open. The referee finally sees it to give Kennedy the win.

Rating: C. The ending sets up a few more things, including MVP’s complete and utter destruction. Much like MVP winning the cage match against Kane on Smackdown, this is the kind of win that helps make Kennedy look that much more important. Of course it would be better to have Undertaker get pinned, but that isn’t something that happens very often so take what you can get here. Granted that’s Undertaker beating Kennedy up for most of the match and then getting cheated at the end, though I doubt Kennedy would mind.

Post match Kennedy brags about the win and talks a lot of trash, allowing Undertaker to wrap a chair around Kennedy’s head. Kennedy is busted open and Undertaker gives him a nasty Tombstone. The gloves come off and some bare knuckle punches have the bloody Kennedy bleeding even more. The referee drags him off.

Queen Sharmell gives King Booker a pep talk so Booker can monologue about how this is it for Batista.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Cena: John Cena, Bobby Lashley, Rob Van Dam, Kane, Sabu

Big Show: Big Show, Finlay, MVP, Test, Umaga

Cena avoids Umaga’s charge to start and sends him outside. Everything breaks down and Umaga hits Cena in the ribs with a TV monitor for the fact DQ. We settle down to Test elbowing Van Dam in the corner and planting him down so MVP can come in with the chinlock. Van Dam, with his nose bleeding, fights up and scores with the spinning kick to the face.

More kicks put all of the villains down and it’s Kane kicking MVP in the face. The Five Star gets rid of MVP but Test is right there with the big boot to eliminate Van Dam. Test sends Sabu outside but Lashley nails a spear, allowing Sabu to hit a tornado DDT for the pin. Show comes straight in to chokeslam Sabu for the pin as these eliminations are flying by. The Leprechaun comes out to give Finlay the Shillelagh and a shot to the head rocks Kane, setting up a chokeslam so Big Show can get rid of him too.

So it’s Cena/Lashley vs. Show/Finlay with Show powerslamming Cena in a hurry. Finlay comes in to stomp away but Cena gets in a knockdown of his own. That’s enough to bring in Lashley and everything breaks down again. A double clothesline drops Show but here’s the Leprechaun, who is thrown onto Cena. The distraction lets Lashley spear Finlay down for the pin and we’re down to 201. Cena manages to DDT Show and there’s a double suplex to put him down again. The finishing sequence is initiated and the FU finishes Show.

Rating: D+. his match, which featured eight eliminations, is now the longest match of the night at about twelve and a half minutes. I’m not sure why we need to go that short with everything but it has been a problem with almost everything on the show. Cena and Lashley teaming up to take out Show worked, but was there really any need for five eliminations in less than two minutes?

We recap Batista vs. King Booker for the Smackdown World Title. Batista had to vacate the title earlier this year due to an injury in this very building. It is his missing to get it back but Booker isn’t going it up so easily. If Batista loses, he can never challenge Booker for the title again.

Smackdown World Title: King Booker vs. Batista

Batista is challenging and starts fast by jumping him before the bell. They get inside to officially start the match with Batista hammering away in the corner. The threat of a Batista Bomb sends Booker bailing to the floor and the fans aren’t pleased. Back in and Batista hammers away even more but a hot shot gets Booker out of trouble. A catapult sends Batista throat first into the bottom rope and Booker stomps away even more.

Booker pokes him in the eye but you don’t need two eyes to hit a side slam for two. They head to the apron for a slugout with Batista knocking him back in. Sharmell grabs the leg though and Booker kicks him out to the floor again. Back in and Booker pounds him down into a chinlock as Cole asks JBL what it feels like to try and get the title back. JBL: “I’m not a loser Michael. Bring up something else.”

Batista fights up and hits the clotheslines into a big boot to send Booker outside. That means a whip into the steps, followed by a top rope shoulder (dang) for two back inside. Booker is right back with a Bookend for two but Batista is up with the Batista Bomb. They’re right next to the rope so Booker saves himself, allowing Sharmell to hand him the title. A Sharmell distraction doesn’t work though as Batista ducks the shot and takes the belt away. Batista’s belt shot is enough for the pin, the title, and the energized celebration.

Rating: D, This really didn’t work and the ending was stupid. How much of a conqueror does this make Batista, when he needed a belt shot to beat Booker? It’s a reclaiming the glory story and that should work, but the lack of drama didn’t help anything. Pretty awful main event with the main bright spot being the fact that they didn’t go long here. It’s the longest match of the show at less than fourteen minutes and it felt every one of them.

Batista celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. For a show that looked pretty fun on paper, this wound up being a nearly complete miss with nothing worth seeing, a bunch of matches that felt rushed, and a World Title change in the end that was about as lame as possible. These Survivor Series matches are supposed to be about hanging in there over a grueling match, but Finlay and Benoit had a match on Smackdown that was longer than anything here. It wasn’t the worst show, but someone needs to teach them how to Survivor Series.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 20, 2006
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and the show is mostly set. That is a rather good situation to have here as WWE is fresh off a European tour so they might not be going as hard as usual. You can always use a nice push towards the pay per view though and that very well may be the case here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Team Cena to get things going. John Cena talks about how they are ready to go but the Big Show had to jump him last week. If that’s the case, then come out here and let’s have this fight right now. Instead it’s Rated-RKO coming through the crowd with their pretty awful remix and the rest of their team. They are ready for Johnny Nitro to win the Intercontinental Title tonight and that is going to give them four champions on their team (plus MIKE KNOX!).

Hold on though as here are Ric Flair and some other legends, with Flair calling out Rated-RKO for winning the titles in a glorified handicap match. Rated-RKO and company are pathetic….and speaking of pathetic, here is the Spirit Squad through another part of the crowd with Kenny saying he has a special cheer for being the youngest Survivor Series captain of all time. Cue Team DX through the crowd, with Shawn Michaels saying we should start the Royal Rumble RIGHT NOW!

HHH offers a quick correction and make jokes about how easy the Spirit Squad really is. Now yeah Cena wants Big Show out here, but HHH saw an open case of Twinkies in the back so he isn’t coming out. HHH introduces his team but Edge cuts off the catchphrase, saying everyone is sick of them. Even Cena must be sick of them! Cena says not exactly, but he’s ready to fight Team Rated-RKO right now.

Instead here is Team Big Show on the stage, so Cena says let’s just have everyone get in the ring and see who is left standing. People start getting in but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt. We aren’t going to have a bunch of individual matches tonight, but we will have an eight man tag captain’s main event. That seems to work with everyone, though I don’t know how much choice they had.

Umaga vs. Sabu

Umaga knocks him down to start and the pace slows in a hurry. Sabu gets knocked outside and then thrown back inside so Umaga can knock him down again. Back up and Sabu hits a few hip attacks, setting up a springboard tornado DDT to rock the monster. That’s about it though as the Spike finishes Sabu in a hurry.

Rating: D. Just a quick squash to make it clear that Umaga is a mask. He does that kind of thing quite well and having him beat up Sabu worked well. Sabu is one of those people who can take a loss without being damaged in any serious way and I can’t imagine he is going to be that big of a factor in the Survivor Series match anyway.

Torrie Wilson is in the ring with the t-shirt gun and Jerry Lawler gets on the table so she can shoot one at him. Cue Chris Masters to say that’s a big gun, but has Torrie ever seen guns like his? Masters knows Torrie can’t break the Masterlock, but he knows some better positions for her anyway. Cue Carlito to interrupt and say that Masters may have big guns but it’s just a little pistol where it counts. Carlito drops Masters and hugs Torrie, which allows Masters to get up with the Masterlock. Lawler makes the save.

Johnny Nitro and Melina dedicate Nitro’s ladder match for the Intercontinental Title against Jeff Hardy to Kevin Federline. They’re winning tonight and then at Survivor Series, and then they are going to party with Kevin Federline after he beats John Cena on New Year’s Day.

Kenny picks Nicky to face Dusty Rhodes tonight. Hold on though as Kenny goes to yell at Ric Flair, who seems to be enjoying the company of Candice Michelle. Candice whispers in Flair’s ear and Flair smiles, but Kenny promises to end him on Sunday. Flair has two words for Kenny: WOO, and Ron Simmons, who is replacing Roddy Piper on Sunday, says the other. Kenny realizes he’s in trouble.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is challenging in a ladder match. They go with some grappling to start until Hardy is sent into the corner. Nitro charges into a raised boot though and Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind. Hardy sends him outside for the suicide dive and we take a break. Back with Nitro cutting off the climb so Hardy moves the ladder into the corner. For some reason Nitro climbs as well so he gets shoved down in a big crash.

Hardy dropkicks the ladder into Nitro for a nasty crash and goes up, only to have Nitro come up again and kick him down for the crash sequel. Back up and Hardy slams him onto the ladder but the Swanton only hits ladder. Nitro throws the ladder at him and it winds up hanging around Hardy’s head for a pretty awesome visual.

A dropkick drops Hardy and Nitro throws him into the ladder in the corner for another knockdown. Nitro hits him in the back with a ladder but Hardy brings in another one, meaning it’s a double climb. Hardy is fine enough to hit a heck of a sunset bomb down and then hits the signature jump over the ladder into the big legdrop. With Nitro down, Hardy puts the ladder on top of Nitro and climbs up to retain the title.

Rating: B. Rather good TV ladder match here with some pretty cool spots. Hardy winning should end the feud, at least for now, and they have traded the title enough over the last few weeks. You don’t get to see a match that feels this big on regular TV so it was pretty cool for a blowoff to a pretty how feud.

This Week In Wrestling History: Undertaker debuted at Survivor Series 1990.

Dusty Rhodes is ready to do various things to Nicky, including cooking and smoking. There are very few people who can make such nonsense work.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Nicky

They starts slowly with Nicky being smart enough to bail from the threat of the Bionic Elbow. Back in and Nicky gets in a few shots to the ribs to knock Dusty into the corner. A kick to the knee takes Dusty down but he’s back up with a few right hands. The gyrating sets up the Bionic Elbow and the strut into the big elbow drop finishes Nicky.

Rating: D+. What else were you expecting here? Dusty is mostly retired and it isn’t like the Spirit Squad is going to lose much by taking another loss. Nicky is just another name on a list of losers at this point so getting beaten by one of the biggest stars of all time is hardly some career death sentence.

Edge and Lita are enjoying each others’ company but Randy Orton brings Maria in for a question. She asks if the two of them are going to be able to win twice in a row….but there is some kind of hullabaloo in the next room. It’s Cryme Tyme yelling about something so Rated-RKO goes in, with Orton saying they are going to be champions for a long time if this is their competition.

Cryme Tyme calls him a metrosexual and….something else. Orton has no idea what they just said but Edge says he is down with this. He spent a lot of time, ahem, bonding with Whitney Houston videos when he was younger. Maria: “I LOVE WHITNEY HOUSTON!” After a pause over that, Edge promises to make DX just like Cryme Tyme, by beating them black. And blue. Rated-RKO leave but Cryme Tyme stop Maria so they can watch See No Evil together. Maria doesn’t seem interested by they put her on the couch and get rather close to her. Well that got rather creepy in a hurry.

Lita vs. Mickie James

Non-title and Lita has another stipulation: this time Maria has to be blindfolded. Coach puts the hood on her but Mickie gets in a few shots anyway. That doesn’t last long though as Lita knocks her down and hits the DDT. The moonsault (with the leg hitting Mickie in the face) finishes Mickie in a hurry.

Post match Lita grabs the mic and goes on a rant about how awesome she is. She single handedly revolutionized women’s wrestling in WWE. Before her, women were all eye candy but then she brought in moonsaults and Litacanranas. She has sacrificed her knee and her neck while the people yell at her every week. Without her, there is no Mickie James or Trish Stratus because she inspired a generation of women (true, at least on the inspiration part). That’s why it is going to be so easy to walk away on Sunday, because she is retiring after Survivor Series.

Rated-RKO run into Kenny and Big Show, which makes Orton think they are ready.

Here’s a look at the violence on the See No Evil DVD, because now we need the home video pounded into our head too.

Smackdown Rebound.

Survivor Series rundown.

Rated-RKO/Kenny/Big Show vs. D-Generation X/John Cena/Ric Flair

It’s a brawl to start before DX is here to even things up. House is cleaned in a hurry with Edge getting beaten up by all four of the good guys. Big Show saves him from Sweet Chin Music so they beat Show down instead. We take a break and are joined in progress with Kenny slamming Shawn to set up a very quickly broken chinlock.

Orton comes in for some stomping and Show drops the big leg. Edge pulls on both arms at the same time before Orton comes back in….to miss the RKO. That’s enough for the hot tag to Cena and the house is cleaned in a hurry. Everything breaks down and Cena hits the FU to finish Kenny in a hurry.

Rating: C-. This felt like they just threw a bunch of people out there at once and hoped for the best, which is not the worst idea in the world. They didn’t want to do anything too big before the pay per view and what we got here was good enough. Cena pinning Kenny isn’t going to hurt him as, again, the Spirit Squad have been portrayed as losers for months. The rest of the people just happened to be there too.

Post match the rest of the teams come in for the big brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Pretty good go home show here as it made me want to see the pay per view a lot more than I did before. Having all of those teams out there made for a really cool feeling and having them all in action on Sunday should make for a good show. I liked this more than I was expecting to and you could feel how important the whole thing is going to be when we get to Survivor Series.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: October 31, 2006
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s a holiday show and I’m not sure what that means. We are just over a month away from December To Dismember and the big story at the moment is Rob Van Dam beating Big Show for the second time in a row to guarantee an ECW Title shot. It is not clear when that match is taking place but we might find that out this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Rob Van Dam beating Big Show in a ladder match last week to become #1 contender for good.

Paul Heyman, in a rather bright suit, announces that Van Dam has chosen to have his title shot at December To Dismember. That’s fine with Heyman, but he has one more ruling to make: Van Dam and Big Show will be two of six entrants in the first ever EXTREME Elimination Chamber.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kevin Thorn vs. Sabu

Ariel is here with Thorn, who is knocked outside in a hurry for the slingshot flip dive. Back in and Sabu’s springboard is countered into a sitout spinebuster (that looked good) for two. Thorn takes him down into an armbar for a bit, or at least until Sabu fights up for a springboard elbow. A springboard clothesline has Thorn in trouble but he clotheslines Sabu out of the air. Back up and Sabu nails a springboard tornado DDT, setting up the slingshot flipping Fameasser. The camel clutch makes Thorn tap.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t the biggest surprise in the world and that is ok in this case. Sabu is still one of the biggest stars in ECW so it makes sense to have him beat up a low level guy like Thorn. It isn’t like Thorn was going to go very far as a vampire in the first place so let him use whatever he has left to put others over instead.

Sandman wants your vote to face Umaga at Cyber Sunday and beats up a well placed clown.

Video on the animals near the set in the Marine.

Tazz gives Joey…..a noose. Ignore the guy in the gorilla suit behind them.

Here are the debuting Daivari and Great Khali and after a lot of ranting in whatever language Daivari speaks, it’s time for a debut.

Shannon Moore vs. Daivari

Moore is distracted by Khali (who was staring him down) and Daivari starts in on the arm. That’s broken up and Moore hits a few shots to the face, only to get caught in a hammerlock DDT for the fast pin.

Khali lays Moore out post match. This is a good move as ECW has been dying for both fresh blood and new main event stars. It’s like they’re trying to improve!

Rob Van Dam isn’t surprised that Paul Heyman is trying a trick, but he is probably going to be pretty good inside an Extreme Elimination Chamber. Hardcore Holly interrupts and blames Van Dam’s extreme style for his injury. They’re partners tonight and this time around, Holly has his back.

And now, a Diva Halloween costume contest. There are three women, all of whom get to disrobe. Trinity has the bottom half of a swimsuit and caution tape around the top. Ariel is in pretty much her usual attire and even Justin Roberts calls her out on it. Kelly Kelly is dressed as Punk, complete with the taped up fists, tattoos (including the Pepsi logo) and STRAIGHT EDGE written on her stomach. Believe it or not, Trinity wins with ease. Cue Mike Knox to yell at Kelly but the real CM Punk makes the save.

Post break, Knox challenges Punk for next week.

Rob Van Dam/Hardcore Holly vs. Big Show/Test

Holly and Test start, though the fans cheer for and receive Van Dam. Some elbows to the face have Rob in trouble but he’s right back out of the corner with a spinning high crossbody. Granted that doesn’t mean much when Test pulls him out of the air, but he does manage to escape and hand it off to Holly. This time it’s Test getting beaten down, allowing Van Dam to come back in for a legdrop in the corner.

Test is back up to send Van Dam into Show’s boot but Rob kicks him out to the floor. A running crossbody over the top knocks Holly to the floor and we take a break. Back with Test elbowing away in the corner and choking Rob with his boot. Rob comes back with a spinning kick to the face but it’s off to Show to blast Holly with a clothesline. Holly’s chops are cut off with a superkick and Test sends him shoulder first into the post.

Show comes back in but misses the Vader Bomb, allowing Rob to come back in. A shot to the knee lets Rob hit a top rope flip attack, followed by Rolling Thunder. Everything breaks down and the referee gets bumped as Holly hits the spinning Alabama Slam on Test. Show runs Holly over but Rob is up with the top rope kick to the face. Rob follows him to the floor….but the gorilla from earlier hits Van Dam with a pipe. The chokeslam finishes Van Dam.

Rating: C+. Not too bad here as Test continues to be the surprise of ECW. He isn’t lighting the world on fire but he is perfectly fine in the monster role and that’s all he needs to be. It’s also not the best sign for Holly’s future that he still hasn’t won anything since his injury, but I can see why pushing Holly might not be the most popular idea in the world.

It’s Heyman in the gorilla suit.

Overall Rating: C. Pretty fast show here but the best thing is bringing in another big star. I know Khali might not be everyone’s favorite, but this show has been dying for another main event name. Hopefully the move breathes some life into the place, though Khali does have a pretty firm ceiling above him. Just having a target like December To Dismember should help a lot, though I have no idea what they are going to be able to put on the card with six names in one match.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: October 17, 2006
Location: Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Things are getting a little interesting around here and I’m not sure where that is going to go. Above all else, Big Show needs something to do other than prepare for John Cena and Booker T. at Cyber Sunday. I’m not sure what there is for him to do here, but we could be in for a fresh direction. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Sandman vs. Matt Striker

Singapore Cane on a Pole match. Sandman is already busted open before the bell and cuts off Striker’s early climbing attempt. Striker goes after the knee and hits a Robinsdale Crunch but Sandman cuts him off again. Another shot to the knee has Sandman down but he’s up again to meet Striker on top. Striker throws him down hard and he finally gets the cane (Tazz: “Like a little monkey!”). Some shots to the head rock Sandman but he takes the cane away and cracks Striker in the head, setting up a pretty obvious blade job. Striker realizes he’s bleeding and bails for the countout.

Rating: D+. This was an angle instead of a match with Striker not exactly being the strongest in the ring. Then again Sandman isn’t either so having them get in and out in less than four minutes was the right idea. Imagine how bad this could have been had they tried something more complicated. The fact that it was such a potential problem is rather telling about ECW.

Fans like the Marine.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

Rematch from Punk beating him in a hurry. Dupree slaps him to start and bails into the ropes but manages a jumping back elbow to the face. A clothesline sets up the neck crank but Punk is back up with some strikes to the face. The kick to the head sets up the Anaconda Vice to make Dupree tap in a hurry.

Post match here’s Mike Knox to tease a brawl but he runs away before anything happens.

Rob Van Dam is happy to have his shot against Big Show tonight and knows he’ll do enough to earn a title shot.

Here’s Test for a chat. Test calls himself the Impact Player of ECW and brings up Hardcore Holly’s injury from a few weeks ago. After seeing Test attack Holly the following week, Test promises to make an example out of Holly when he comes back next week. Test says his ruthlessness knows no bounds but here’s Balls Mahoney to interrupt. Mahoney challenges him for tonight but Test says maybe later. That’s not how wrestling works though.

Test vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney starts fast but gets knocked down in a hurry, allowing Test to start in on the arm. A Stunner to the arm sets up an armbar but Mahoney is back with the snap jabs. The Nutcracker Suite gets two but Test kicks him in the face and grabs a TKO to finish. Short and to the point here.

Sabu vs. Shannon Moore

As we hear about the upcoming December To Dismember show, Sabu knocks Moore down in a hurry but can’t get the camel clutch this early. Instead Sabu hits a springboard clothesline to put Moore outside, setting up a slingshot dive. Back in and a running clothesline sets up a moonsault for two on Moore. Sabu misses a charge but Moore misses a Whisper in the wind, allowing Sabu to hit a slingshot Arabian facebuster for the fast pin.

Big Show talks about how lucky Rob Van Dam is for getting to step in the ring with the Champion Of Champions. Van Dam should thank Paul Heyman for giving him the show, because Van Dam has been ducking the champ. If Van Dam can pull off the miracle tonight, he can have a title shot. Show hits on the interviewer (Rebecca from the Diva Search) and leaves.

The Marine has action!

Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Non-title. They stare at each other for a bit until Show shoves him down. Rob strikes away and kicks at the knee, only to get knocked down with a hard shot to the face. A neck snap staggers Show though and there’s the top rope flip dive to take him down. Show crotches him on top though and we take a break.

Back with Show dropping an elbow and choking away, followed by a chop to make Van Dam’s eyes bug out. More choking on the ropes lets Show keep the pace down and a clothesline drops Van Dam for two. Rob is back with some right hands and a jumping kick to the face, followed by the top rope kick to the face.

Rolling Thunder gets two, with Show’s kickout sending Van Dam flying. A spear drops Rob again though (as it should) but he avoids a Vader Bomb. Show bumps the referee though and Van Dam counters the DDT into a chokeslam. Cue Test to stomp on Van Dam but here’s Hardcore Holly to chair both of them down. Van Dam hits the Five Star for the pin and the future title shot.

Rating: C+. Van Dam did his thing here and it worked out as well as it could have. Show is someone who is at his best when he stands there and does basic power stuff while the other person bounces around. That’s what we had here and Van Dam’s striking works well in the David vs. Goliath formula. Nothing great, but it did well enough, even with the interference.

Overall Rating: C. They kept the show moving as getting five matches in over the course of an hour is fairly impressive. Van Dam is about as good of a challenger as they have at the moment and while I can’t imagine him getting the title back, it is all that makes sense. The rest of the show was the usual set of short matches, which makes sense on a short show, but I can’t help wondering if it is out of fear for what these people could do in a longer match.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: October 10, 2006
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Wichita, Kansas
Attendance: 5,585
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re coming off a good show last week as Test beat Rob Van Dam in a pretty good Extreme Rules match. That being said, I’m not entirely sure where things are supposed to go. This show is dying for some top faces and I’m not sure how many of them are available. As for tonight though, it’s an Attitude Era flashback with Extreme Strip Poker. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

This one is rated TV-MA and we get a special disclaimer.

We go straight to the poker room, with Balls Mahoney as our dealer. The women introduce themselves and talk about how nice their underwear is. Mahoney gets to the rules: everyone is dealt a card, lowest card loses clothing. Dang it I was looking forward to seeing the poker. Ashley loses first and hands Mahoney her shirt.

Opening sequence.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

Punk takes him down for an early two as we go split screen to see Kelly Kelly taking off her shoes. Dupree gets in a right hand to knock Punk off the apron and into the announcers’ table as we see Trinity lose part of her top. Back in the arena, Punk fights out of a chinlock and hits a running leg lariat. A powerslam sets up the Anaconda Vice to make Dupree tap.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing more than an excuse to have the poker deal going on at the same time, which is likely going to be a theme tonight. Punk winning is the right move of course and while Dupree losing so soon is a bit strange, how far was he going to go around here in the first place? Dupree isn’t someone with much of a future and I think that’s been known since the day he showed up around here.

Maria takes off her stockings and Candice loses her skirt.

Post break and it’s Dealer’s Choice, meaning Mahoney gets to pick what the loser loses. Krystal loses her skirt. Ashley spanks her and a brawl is teased.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Ariel is here with Thorn. Dreamer is sent shoulder first into the post as we see Ashley losing her shoes. The arm is bent around the ropes and the armbar goes on as Ashley helps Candice remove her top. Dreamer gets a boot up in the corner and hits a suplex for two. A middle rope elbow misses though and a sitout Rock Bottom into a spinebuster gives Thorn two of his own. Dreamer gets knocked to the apron but manages a neck snap across the top, setting up the DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match and that’s not surprising given the main theme of the show. In the opposite of the opener, I’m not sure I get the idea of having Thorn lose here as even though the vampire gimmick is hardly something with the best long term hope, Thorn has enough of a presence to him that you could see him becoming something. This is hardly a death sentence, but it’s kind of a weird choice.

Kristal loses her shoes and Mahoney is rather happy.

Video on Hardcore Holly’s injury against Rob Van Dam two weeks ago, plus Test attacking him last week.

The women talk about men they find attractive. This turns into a Marine discussion, plus talking about Batista. Kelly is asked about CM Punk but Mahoney cuts it off to deal another hand. Kelly loses her skirt but throws in the top and bra for bonuses.

Video on the Marine premiere at Camp Pendleton.

Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Sandman vs. Test/Big Show/Matt Striker

During the entrances, Ashley loses her skirt and Kristal loses her top as the camera avoids the now topless Kelly. Test and Van Dam start things off with Van Dam being stomped down in the corner. The middle rope spinning crossbody and a kick to the face drop Test and it’s a Rolling Thunder/slingshot legdrop combination to give Sabu two. Sandman comes in and gets dropped in a hurry, meaning it’s off to Striker to hammer away.

Maria loses her skirt and we come back with Show coming in for the showdown with Sandman. Trinity loses her skirt as well and Test gets in a cheap shot from the apron to slow Sabu down. We take a break and come back with Test hitting a series of backbreakers for two on Sabu. It’s off to Striker for two off a neckbreaker and a running knee sends Sabu outside.

Van Dam has to save Sabu from Test and it’s back inside for Striker’s clothesline. Show runs Sabu over and Maria loses her top (Tazz: “I guess she lost a hand or something there.”). Test stomps on Sabu and we hit the bearhug. Striker dives into a kick to the face and the hot tag brings in Van Dam to clean house. Everything breaks down and the Five Star hits Striker, setting up Sandman’s Rolling Rock for the pin.

Rating: C-. It was strange seeing Sabu and Sandman wrestle a normal match and I think I can see why it didn’t happen very often. The match was hardly terrible but it was slow and boring without varying from the standard formula in the slightest. It was nice to see someone other than Van Dam get the win and Test continues to be fine as the monster, but it felt like a house show main event on TV.

We go back to the poker with Kelly covering herself and Candice losing and accusing Maria of cheating. The catfight is on and they lose the rest of their clothes so censored nudity (Mahoney: “ECW! I LOVE THIS JOB! ECW!”) ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was about one thing and one thing only and that worked about as well as you could have expected it to. What else was going to happen here? The women wore their outfits, then wore smaller outfits, then there was a segment at the end to appeal to 12-13 year olds. It was a ratings ploy that felt straight out of the Attitude Era and while not exactly interesting, it served its purpose well enough. In other words, stupid, not exactly thrilling, and as expected.

Then there was everything else and that wasn’t much. This show didn’t exactly offer anything of note in the realm of groundbreaking material, but the women were the focus anyway. It isn’t a good sign that we’re four months into the show and they already need ratings ploys, but Renee Dupree, Tommy Dreamer and Matt Striker aren’t going to draw in the biggest audiences. I got what they were going for here and fair enough, but a totally skippable show this week.

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