WWA: The Revolution
Date: February 24, 2002
Location: Aladdin Casino Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 2,800
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Mark Madden

This is the second of five PPVs these guys did and this time they’re stateside. Also they’re not taped this time, but I’m not sure how close to live this is. The major new name in town is Eddie Guerrero, who was released from the WWF for drunk driving in late 2001. Another name here is Grandmaster Sexay who is somehow getting a world title match tonight. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the main event was supposed to be Savage vs. Jarrett but Savage isn’t there. Neither is Road Dogg who was in the main event of the first show. Oh this doesn’t bode well.

We open with some band singing a rock song about Revolution. Apparently it’s Tantric, who I think has done some stuff for TNA.

Here’s Andre McManus to welcome us to the show and tell us that Savage won’t be there. Again, why does this take so long?

Opening sequence, which is basically a video recap of the last show.

Apparently this is indeed live. Ok then.

Nova vs. Low Ki vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Shark Boy vs. Low Ki

Elimination rules here and no one gets an entrance. It’s probably a good thing that they have to tag here. Styles vs. Mamaluke to start and they trade arm control. The camera keeps changing angles and it’s getting annoying. Mamaluke is bleeding from the nose as he hits a German to send AJ down onto his shoulder. Shark Boy comes in to fight Tony and gets clotheslined down.

Nova is standing on the floor, drinking water. Shark Boy hits an atomic drop and bites the place where his knee went. Off to Low Ki who gets atomic dropped as well, but comes back with a kick to Shark Boy’s head before he gets bitten. Daniels vs. Low Ki now and you know the strikes are coming here. A Capo Kick staggers Daniels and Nova gets tagged so hard that he spills his drink.

Apparently Nova is a businessman now. I’ve never seen a businessman in workout pants and no shirt but whatever. He works on Daniels’ arm a bit before it’s back to Low Ki. A double gordbuster puts Daniels down and it’s off to Mamaluke. There are the kicks from Low Ki and a double suplex by Ki and Sharky, but there was no tag so Shark Boy’s cover gets no count.

Things start to break down a bit as Sharky Boy and Mamaluke go to the floor for some dives. They wind up in the crowd (which is carpeted) as AJ pounds on Nova in the ring. Nova hooks a modified Crossface which goes nowhere because they’re not legal. Shark Boy hits a top rope rana on Mamaluke for two, even though the referee’s hand hit the mat three times. Low Ki comes in and hits a cartwheel kick on the distracted Shark Boy for the first elimination.

Off to AJ vs. Low Ki as the camera angles start to show a few details about the “arena”. There’s no ramp that I can see, and all of the seats are opposite the screen. I believe they’re in a theater, which is a really weird visual and atmosphere. Low Ki hits a HARD kick to the head (I’m shocked) but AJ comes back with forearms to the head. Both guys hit cross bodies so it’s off to Mamaluke vs. Daniels.

An STO kills Mamaluke who is a bloody mess. Daniels loads up the BME (I think) but Styles breaks it up for no apparent reason. AJ gets knocked down (I think. The camera direction here is a nightmare) so Mamaluke hits a belly to back off the top for two. Daniels hits the Angel’s Wings for no cover, instead tagging in Styles for the Clash to get us down to four people.

Nova comes in with a backbreaker on Styles for two before it’s back to Daniels vs. Styles. Even before TNA existed this was happening a lot. Styles tags in Low Ki who strikes away even harder on Daniels. Low Ki charges into a spinning electric chair of all things and a top rope elbow from Nova gets two on the kicking dude. Nova goes up and gets crotched, but as Low Ki goes up, he gets elbowed down into the Tree of Woe. Low Ki sits up and pulls Nova down into a rear naked choke while they’re both upside down.

Daniels comes in and is immediately thrown out, followed by everyone going to the floor. Daniels dives onto Low Ki so Styles hits a Shooting Star Press to the floor. This camera work is REALLY annoying as it either keeps cutting away or it has awkward shots of everything. Back in the ring, Low Ki loads up a rana on Nova, but Daniels runs the corner and hits a top rope Rock Bottom on Low Ki for the elimination.

Nova dropkicks Daniels to the floor so it’s Styles vs. Nova legally I guess. AJ is busted too. Everyone is in now and Daniels kicks Nova down and AJ gets two off a neckbreaker to Christopher. Daniels takes AJ down and hits the BME for two. There’s a dragon sleeper to AJ but Nova hooks a standing Last Chancery on Daniels at the same time. Nova grabs Daniels from behind but Styles sunset flips Nova, sending Daniels flying in the suplex.

AJ shoves Nova off the top and counters Daniels’ rana into a middle rope Styles Clash to get us down to one on one. A pair of rollups get two for Nova, as does a Downward Spiral. AJ gets two of his own off a German and Tessmacher’s current finisher (Tesshocker if you’re a big wrestling geek like me). They both go up with Nova hitting a C4 off the top (flipping Downward Spiral) for the final pin. Not much build to that.

Rating: B. Take six young and small guys, throw them in one match, let them have fun. AJ and Low Ki looked like the stars here, which they would be for all intents and purposes. Nova was already a name, Mamaluke never went anywhere, Shark Boy would become a cult favorite, and Daniels would become a decent sized star of his own right. Still though, fun match and AJ looked good in it, which shouldn’t shock anyone.

The announcers talk a bit, including mentioning that Scott Steiner is returning to the ring tonight.

Here’s Commissioner Bret Hart. His entrance takes WAY longer than it should but they’ve got a lot of time to fill in I guess. He says he never expected to be in a ring again, so thanks for having him. Bret talks about how there’s a combination of established names and young guns here tonight and it’s going to be a great show. As for the main event, there’s no Randy Savage. Of all people, he picks BRIAN CHRISTOPHER to main event the show with Jarrett. Good freaking grief. Does the name EDDIE GUERRERO mean nothing to you?

Bret goes into a strange discussion of 9/11 and says he considered himself a North American. Those people (the terrorists) don’t speak to the world, and that’s why he’s a part of this company. Now he’s talking about the Canadian hockey team, drawing boos. Now he says go take out Bin Laden. What in the world was he thinking when he was talking here? I know he’s not a promo guy, but this was BIZARRE.

Allan Funk, arguably more famous as Kwee Wee, is doing a bad Hogan imitation and talking to two midget wrestlers about how he’ll teach people to drop a leg on someone.

Alan Funk vs. Reno

Funk does the full on Hogan bit here and while he looks like Hogan (minus 6 inches or so), this isn’t exactly hilarious. Reno was an intense guy from WCW in 2000. Funk hits a release powerbomb drop and rips his shirt off. A kind of slam (more like a faceplant) gets two for Funk but Reno blocks a suplex to take over. Reno pounds away for a bit and hits an overhead belly to belly (kind of. Funk landed on his shoulder). Funk comes back with a slingshot sunset flip for two but Reno clotheslines him down.

Off to the chinlock by Reno, followed by a suplex for two. Funk Hulks Up but Reno ducks the big boot and punches Funk down. Reno Rolls the Dice (Cross Rhodes) but doesn’t cover. Instead he goes up and jumps into Funk’s boot because the script calls for Funk to make a comeback here. He pounds Reno down, hits a piledriver and drops the leg for the pin. Apparently he’s the Funkster.

Rating: D. And……so? Reno was nothing, Funk was nothing, the Hogan imitation has been done WAY better before (Showster for instance), and the match wasn’t any good. Funk would go on to be Women’s Champion in TNA and Reno would more or less disappear off the face of the Earth. I don’t think a search party was ever sent for him either.

Scott Steiner arrives with about six chicks.

Disco Inferno comes out to complain about not getting to face Brian Christopher tonight. He’s going to issue an open challenge for later but for now he’s jumping in on commentary. They banter for a few minutes.

Kronik vs. Native Blood

No idea who the jobbers are here but they’ve got an Indian gimmick. Kronik (Adams and Clark) destroy the jobbers before the bell, then proceed to destroy them after the bell. They pound on each other on the floor, followed by a full nelson shove down to the fat Indian in the ring. Now Clark pounds away as this is going badly already. A release Rock Bottom puts the less fat Indian guy. Native Blood comes back with a double dropkick on Clark, so Adams comes in with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Clark hits the Meltdown (pump handle powerslam) for two and High Times (double chokeslam) ends one of the jobbers.

Rating: D-. This was a five minute squash. What in the world are we supposed to get out of something like this? Clark and Adams had a horrible run for about a week in WWE and this is more or less the last time anyone say them. The jobbers were exactly what their names suggest: there to get beaten up. Nothing to see here and it was sloppy on top of that.

Terry Taylor talks to one of the midgets and it’s that idiot Puppet from TNA. This turns into a rendition of God Bless America.

Girls dance.

Tio vs. Puppet

They’re hardcore midgets (Yeah I know. I’m not always politically correct. Get over it) and they start fighting on the ramp. Madden keeps cracking jokes that the crowd can hear so the audience is laughing during violence. Tio puts Puppet in a garbage can and beats on him with a chair. Puppet is down on the ground and Tio actually goes up top for a splash to the floor. That gets two on the floor because this is a hardcore match.

They head inside as Disco and Madden are riffing on the match like crazy. Puppet comes back with a powerslam for two followed by a Jackhammer for the same. A guy that looks like Rikishi yells at Puppet from the front row as the place is silent other than when Madden cracks a joke. Puppet hooks a reverse Boston Crab (Tio is in the regular position but Puppet is shoving Tio’s legs forward instead of pulling back on them) which doesn’t last that long.

Tio comes back with middle rope punches and a middle rope rana….which gets two for Puppet for some reason. Tio sends him into a trashcan but misses a Swanton off the top. They head to the stage with Puppet pulling out a bag of thumbtacks. A Death Valley Driver onto said tacks ends Tio.

Rating: D+. I usually hate these things but this one at least seemed like they were trying. Puppet would go on to be VERY annoying in TNA, making Horny seem like the most entertaining character in years. This wasn’t much of a match, but at least they had some effort and some of the jokes weren’t bad.

Immediately after the pin, here’s Scott Steiner to destroy both guys. Steiner runs his mouth for a bit and grabs Disco Inferno for a match.

Disco Inferno vs. Scott Steiner

Total dominance by Steiner that ends with the Steiner Recliner in about two minutes. Disco got in as much offense as a career comedy character would on a big name power guy.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Psychosis vs. Eddie Guerrero

Psychosis won the title at a house show since the last PPV. The mic is broken so we hear “ladies and gentlemen” about six times before the entrances get going, and even then they have to go very fast to catch up with the wrestlers. They grab a three way lockup to start and everybody hits everybody else. This is one fall to a finish. Eddie sends Juvy to the floor but Psychosis sends them both out there and hits a big flip dive to take them both out.

Back in and Juvy gets two off a top rope spinwheel kick on the champ. The camera work continues to SUCK as it’s all over the place, which is weird when there are only three people to watch. Psychosis misses a charge into the corner and the sound when he hits the post is SICK. Juvy gets two off a super rana on Eddie before walking into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Eddie hits a brainbuster on Psychosis for two before getting thrown to the floor.

The luhadores fight in the ring with Juvy getting two off a facebuster. Guerrero gets back in and gets chopped against the ropes by the champ. He comes back with a suplex on Psychosis as this keeps going all over the place. To say there’s not much chemistry here is an understatement. Juvy kicks Eddie low to break up a German suplex as the match continues to slow down.

Guerrera heads to the floor as Psychosis works on Eddie’s leg. Juvy comes back in and drops a leg for two. The crowd is DEAD for this. The guys keep stumbling from spot to spot and there’s no flow or story in this match at all. Eddie gets double suplexed to the floor and Juvy hits Rey’s sitout bulldog for two. Eddie avoids a double dropkick and everyone is down.

Psychosis gets put on top by Eddie but Juvy superplexes Guerrero down. Psychosis legdrops both guys but both challengers save the other. Juvy bulldogs both guys for two each and gets the same on Psychosis off a DDT. Eddie decks Guerrera, shoves Psychosis off the top and hits the Frog Splash on the champ for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. This was AWFUL. There was zero chemistry here at all and the match wasn’t entertaining. I don’t know if it was rust from Eddie or that Juvy and Psychosis turned into hacks once they left WCW and stopped caring, but this was a terrible match. Eddie would be back in WWE in like two months anyway and would never lose that title.

Eddie rips on the fans for chanting WHAT post match. He rants about his personal issues until Jerry Lynn comes out to complain. Lynn would be another guy that has more business in the main event than Christopher by the way. They argue and then brawl. Both guys came off as heels here, with Eddie getting on the fans and Jerry making fun of Eddie for being a drug addict. Lynn survives a beating and takes Eddie out.

More dancing chicks.

Sabu vs. Devon Storm

No DQ, because neither guy is seemingly capable of doing a regular match. Sabu works on the arm to start in a token wrestling sequence. Storm (called Chris, his real first name, by Borash) hits a German suplex on Sabu but the Arabian from Michigan hits a springboard leg lariat. They head to the floor to get to the part that they’re on the card for. They load up the steps and Storm tries to suplex Sabu off of them, but Sabu lands on the ropes and falls back onto the steps. This is getting bad already.

Back in and Sabu is bleeding and in control. There’s the camel clutch and Storm looks asleep. Sabu lets go, allowing Devon to come back with a headscissors and legdrop (popular move tonight) for two. A northern lights suplex gets two more for Storm and we hit the chinlock. After more boring stuff they head to the floor for Air Sabu against the barricade.

Fonzie (Sabu’s manager) loads up a table but Storm drops Sabu onto the barricade. He drops him onto the steps as well as this keeps going. Storm tries a sunset bomb over the top and through the table. Instead, Storm’s foot hits but doesn’t break the table and Sabu doesn’t hit the table at all. Storm (called Crowbar here) breaks up an Asai Moonsault attempt through the table but gets caught by a legdrop back inside.

The first chair is brought in and goes upside Storm’s head. Air Sabu hits in the corner and Storm lands on the chair. Storm breaks up the Triple Jump Moonsault by sending Sabu face first into the chair. A Death Valley Driver onto the chair has Sabu mostly dead but it only gets two. A splash gets the same for Devon and there’s a slam onto the chair. Storm hits a slingshot flipping legdrop onto the chair onto Sabu’s face for two.

We head to the floor again because why not do it, and there’s a pescado by Storm. Storm hits a splash off the apron and drops Sabu onto the barricade (it only took two tries to get it right). Back in the ring Sabu blocks a powerbomb onto two chairs and hits a suplex onto the chairs instead. Arabian Facebuster with the chair hits….and there’s no cover. Sabu goes up and Storm pelts a chair at him.

Fonzie sets up another table, this one up against the barricade. Storm is placed against the table and according to the first law of wrestling, Sabu misses the dive through it. Back in and Storm hits a Mindbender (front suplex) for two. FOR THE LOVE OF FREAKING GOODNESS END THE MATCH ALREADY! A frog splash gets two more for Storm and the go up again because this hasn’t gone on enough. Sabu counters a belly to back superplex into a cross body for two.

They go up top for like the 84^th time and Sabu shoves him off for no apparent reason. Sabu tries a rana but Storm counters into a rollup….AND FREAKING FONZIE PULLS THE REFEREE OUT. Sabu dives on both of them again and hits a something back in the ring. No idea what it was because the stupid camera angle missed it, but apparently it was beautiful according to JB. Considering JB booked this show, I have a feeling he’s lying. Fonzie hits Sabu in the head with the most clearly choreographed chair shot by mistake and Storm rolls him up for the win at TWENTY MINUTES AND THIRTY EIGHT SECONDS.

Rating: S. As in Seven. As in Seven People. As in Steve Austin, Chris Jericho, Hulk Hogan, HHH, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels and Brock Lesnar. These are the seven people that the WWE felt were capable of having one on one matches this long on PPV (and two of them were inside the Cell). Think about that. Guys like the Rock, Benoit, Angle, Edge and Rey Mysterio weren’t trusted with matches that long, but SABU AND DEVON STORM WERE??? This match alone brings the whole show down at least a letter.

Post match, Sabu puts Storm through a table off the big screen, because this hasn’t gotten enough time yet.

The West Hollywood Blondes do gay things because that’s funny right?

Here’s LARRY FREAKING ZBYSZKO with something to say. Larry talks about the only interesting thing he did as a wrestler ever: feuding with Bruno back in 1980. Then he talks about his career back in 1972, because EVERYONE wants to hear about this. Oh apparently Vince sucks. That’s what this is about: Vince sucks. Jericho is called too short to be believed as a world champion and he wants to fight Vince in a match. Larry rants some more and I just don’t care. ANOTHER ten minutes plus wasted here.

West Hollywood Blondes vs. Rick Steiner/Ernest Miller

Miller says if they lose to the girly men, he’ll kiss Madden in a fat area. Since they wasted so much time with Bret talking about hockey, Larry wasting our time, and SABU GETTING TWENTY FIVE MINUTES TOTAL, this lasts a minute with Miller kicking Lenny in the head for the pin.

Miller yells at Madden post match but there’s only one match left so I don’t care. Granted I didn’t care anyway but now I’ve got a reason to.

WWA World Title: Brian Christopher vs. Jeff Jarrett

I’ve complained about Christopher enough so far. Christopher makes gay jokes about Jarrett to start but says he wants to death. Jarrett tosses him around to start and there’s the strut. Christopher comes back with a clothesline to send Jeff to the floor….and then he lowers his pants. A neckbreaker puts Jarrett right back on the floor as we’re firmly in a Memphis formula: do a move, play to the crowd a lot, then do another move and play to them more.

They fight into the crowd, and by fight I mean punch once and walk a lot, and we lose track of them. Brian gets a drink thrown in his face and Jeff chokes him a bit. We finally get back to ringside with Brian shaking off everything that’s been done to him so far. A charge misses in the corner and Brian gets crotched. Naturally, Jarrett poses. A cross body gets two for Brian and it’s off to a sleeper from Jeff.

After nearly two minutes of that, Brian hooks his own sleeper for a few seconds. A kick puts Jeff down and an enziguri (clearly missing by about six inches) gets two. Tornado DDT gets two more and they head to the floor. Brian superkicks a referee by mistake and we head back in. Christopher “hits” a guillotine legdrop for two from a replacement referee…and the referees start fighting. Jeff wins with a guitar shot and Stroke on the belt (there was a referee brawl in between the moves).

Rating: D. Standard match that really was a big brawl with some wrestling moves thrown in. In other words, the WCW main event formula minus five run-ins. Christopher was never believable as a main event threat here because HE’S FREAKING BRIAN CHRISTOPHER. Nothing to see here but it was probably the best match of the second half of the show.

Overall Rating: F-. There was a good opener and those guys are all exempt from what I’m about to say. Actually so are the midgets because they were at least trying. THIS SHOW SUCKED! If someone doesn’t show up, that’s understandable. It’s not optimal but it happens.

That being said, USE YOUR FREAKING HEADS and don’t put a comedy tag team wrestler in the world title match when you have names like Jerry Lynn, Sabu, Eddie Guerrero, Rick Steiner (yes, even he would be better), Scott Steiner, or even Nova because he won the opener available to go out there and be MUCH more believable as a threat to Jarrett.

No, instead we had Sabu and Devon Storm using the same spots (count the splashes by Storm) and blown spots all over the place (count the botches in the twenty minute monstrosity) and a minute long match between a random pair of WCW guys with zero history at all and Bret Hart rambling about being a North American and Larry wanting to fight Vince. Eddie coming in was kind of a big deal, but his match SUCKED because Psychosis and Juvy both dogged it all night. NOTHING to see here after the opener and this promotion is in big trouble.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Guilty As Charged 2000
Date: January 9, 2000
Location: Boutwell Memorial Auditorium, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 4,700
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

To show you where this company was at this point, Spike Dudley is in the main event fighting Mike Awesome for the world title. What does that tell you? The company was on life support at this point with WWF beating the heck out of everyone and WCW just generally sucking. Other than that we have the Impact Players vs. Dreamer and Raven. That’s about it. Oh and RVD vs. Sabu in what I’m sure will be forgettable. Let’s get to it.

ECW’s video game is the sponsor, resulting in a massive logo on the mat. That could get annoying. Joey points out that Cyrus’ headset isn’t plugged into anything. So that’s where Otunga got the idea from. Gertner of course shows up for like the 9th PPV in a row. He makes sex jokes, Joey asks if that’s all he’s there for, Joel says he made his joke, got a pop, is more over than Cyrus, is getting laid later, and has already gotten paid. Was there a point in this at all?

Theme song.

CW Anderson vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Anderson is allegedly Arn’s son or nephew or whatever. It’s an easy way to get a guy over. Heck Ricky Steamboat got his name by pretending to be the son of a local guy named Sam Steamboat so this is fine. He’s also the enforcer of the new Dangerous Alliance with Lou E. Dangerously. It more or less sucked but it was a midcard stable so I can’t complain about that much.

And now Lou wants to talk. Ok his imitation is pretty good. Whipwreck fights off a double team and hits a nice spot where he grabs Anderson in a wheelbarrow and slams his ribs onto the railing. I love that. Anderson works on the arm like a true Anderson would so at least the mythology for lack of a better term is there. Mikey hits a NICE clothesline off the top.

When I say nice I mean it didn’t look that professional, but it looked realistic which a lot of the time is the most important to me. I’d rather have it look like a normal person executing a move than looking well trained and choreographed etc, but that’s just me. Mikey hits the Whippersnapper but the referee gets pulled out. A cell phone shot sets up the Anderson Spinebuster for the pin.

Rating: C+. This felt like a TV match but it came off pretty well. If nothing else it gives the stable a credible win and Mikey was great at getting the crowd into his matches. While not the best match in the world, this was decent enough as an opener.

Joey and Cyrus talk for a bit and you can tell they get along well behind the scenes.

Simon Diamond/Roadkill/Danny Doring vs. Nova/Jazz/Kid Kash

Simon and his valet get and likely deserve gay jokes that are made about them. Elektra, Doring and Roadkill’s manager was always one of my favorites. This was a midcard feud that went on forever and never really went anywhere. Kid Kash was based on Kid Rock. Yeah that’s not dated at all.

Oddly enough though, Rock wound up at a Mania and I don’t think Kash ever did. That’s very amusing. They say Mitch is like Conan O’Brien but with a worse haircut. Elektra does the Pec Dance. Oh dear. Jazz still gets no reaction. When Kid Kash gets a better reaction than you, you’re in trouble. Hey we’re actually starting! We’re getting wrestling in ECW! I don’t believe it! Ok that’s not fair.

Jazz and Doring start us off and Not Chyna is in trouble. Aww I wanted to see Roadkill vs. Jazz. Roadkill is a guy that is better than he’s made out to be I think. ECW’s camerawork is just atrocious. It’s all over the place and they miss SO much. Jazz hits the X Factor, her finisher, and when I say hits I mean his head never actually hits the mat, but Dick Hertz is back to do nothing at all.

I hate the lack of pads. There’s a difference between tough and stupid and dives onto concrete are stupid. So Jazz, Diamond and Kash are gone so it’s the future tag champions vs. Nova. Nova hits a DDT that they say will be on TV tomorrow night. That would imply someone is watching this show so he’s safe. This is one sided obviously since it’s 2-1.

In a funny spot Doring goes into Nova’s corner and pretends to be his partner and punches him when he reaches for a tag. Chris Chetti who is still injured at this point comes down to be the partner. He even hits a pescado and takes out the fat man. And now everybody dives over the top. Nova does it, Doring does it, the referee does it. Seriously it’s ECW did you expect anything else?

Doring and Nova fight on the top rope and Nova just falls to the floor. No mats remember. That’s such a scary bump. A top rope splash from Roadkill ends it. Post match two guys named the Dupps come out and beat up everyone until Nova and Doring make the save.

Rating: D+. Not bad but of course it’s a massive mess. These guys feuded forever and this is just another chapter in it. I don’t think they ever went past this spot on the card but you got two decent teams out of it. Not bad but not great.

Mike Awesome and his manager cut an interview that I can barely hear because of the crowd cheering for Elektra in the ring. Oh it’s about Spike.

Spike cuts probably the best promo of his career, “breaking character” saying he’s going to hurt Mike Awesome tonight and yelling at a production guy who tells him to stay in character. He says he’s not an actor and drops a lot of F bombs. Better than it sounds.

Yoshihiro Tajiri/???vs. Super Crazy/???

This is a dream partner tag match and allegedly Jerry Lynn and Tajiri are working together and Lynn will be the partner of Tajiri. Steve Corino is here with Tajiri and is starting to look like his familiar self, mainly due to his beard. He talks to the audience before the match and they HATE him. Corino picks Crazy as Tajiri’s partner, and here’s Little Guido for no apparent reason.

He’s mad at Corino (take a number) for not picking him. IT’S THE BOSS! Heyman makes a rare appearance and is more over than anyone else likely is. We get about our 9th F Bomb in less than an hour. Guido has a partner (he was in the match?) tonight (make that ten) and it’s Jerry Lynn. Heyman censors New F’ing Show. Why? Whatever, at least it’s almost over.

Yoshihiro Tajiri/Super Crazy vs. Jerry Lynn/Little Guido

It’s like they wanted to do a four way dance and they just forgot how to book it. So Tajiri and Crazy were going to pick their own dream tag partners and Guido is mad that Corino didn’t pick him to be Tajiri’s partner so Heyman inserted him and Lynn together into a team together to fight Tajiri and Crazy as Tajiri picked him opponent as his partner. No explanation given as to why he did that but whatever.

We get some nice technical stuff to start us out so I’m happy. This was more or less the Cruiserweight division as they kept having meaningless matches that ran together really badly, but to be fair there are two TV Champions and a World Champion in this. This is more or less all of them doing all of their stiff strikes on each other. I can work with that.

What would an ECW show be without a fairly solid botch? Let’s break out those high spots people! We’re into the crowd already and we can’t see ANYTHING. Tajiri vs. Lynn in the ring as Crazy does his big moonsault. Both Crazy and Tajiri do the ten punches in the corner and both take powerbombs out of it. For two guys like Lynn and Guido that don’t team together they sure think alike don’t they?

A double powerbomb can’t beat Lynn. Now remember, this is the same Lynn that was never put over RVD (to this point). So they’re saying that RVD could take this much and do better? Lynn never got pushed like he could have. With him being fairly conservative with the hardcore stuff he would have been far better than Corino for the anti-hardcore stuff.

Anyway, the partners finally turn on each other and Tajiri hits a brainbuster on Lynn to end it. Post match, Corino and his boys come out and beat up Lynn and Corino runs down Dusty Rhodes for no apparent reason.

Dusty is here of course, despite being everything ECW was supposed to not be about, as he is the epitome of old school and old mentality of booking but with them this close to death I guess it’s whatever. Rhyno beats him up and the majority of the roster comes down to save him. To be fair, he got an eruption so maybe they’re onto something.

Rating: D. The match was decent, but what in the world were they going for here? Whatever it was they didn’t get it. This just didn’t do it at all for me as I have no clue what they were trying to accomplish. It was confusing and no one really got it I don’t think, plus it somehow sets up the manager vs. Dusty Rhodes? What the heck?

New Jack talks about being ticked off at Da Baldies and having a staple in him. Well they were loyal to him. I have to give them that.

Ad for their TV shows and live events. It’s sponsored by their video game. That really was a fairly big deal. It pretty much sucked, but it was a nice accomplishment I guess.

Angel vs. New Jack

This is for King of the Streets, which is just a name I guess. The other two Baldies are with Angel. So we have a black man beating up a Latino in the Deep South. Yeah this isn’t going to go bad at all. Oh an it’s the song too. Can’t you tell how thrilled I am by that? I wonder how much they spent on his toys over the years.

New Jack “drops” an “elbow” from the top “onto” Angel. This is just not that interesting at all as it’s just New Jack beating him up with weapons. It’s limited to this match so far though so I can’t complain that much. If they keep it isolated I can live with it. Grimes and DeVito, the other Baldies are beating him up now.

So we’re on the floor in the middle of the crowd now with New Jack fighting some other guy. Jack dives out of the balcony and while it’s a big jump, it’s been done. That’s how I would sum up New Jack’s issues: we’ve seen it all before and it just loses its specialness. Angel remembers he’s in this match and comes to beat Jack up. At least Angel’s selling is funny. A shovel to New Jack’s head ends it.

Rating: D-. Like I said, we’ve seen this all before. What is the point of seeing it all over again? We get it: New Jack is a street fighter and Angel can beat him. What’s the point to it? I just don’t get it.

Alfonso goes into Van Dam’s dressing room and says it smells great in there but we need to air it out a bit. He’s stoned about out of his mind but whatever. Seriously is there any reason at all why he never got the world title? RVD says he’s beaten everyone with Fonzie saying he’s not Sabu.

Fonzie says he’s behind Van Dam 100%. And then we go down the hall to talk to Sabu and Fonzie. Fonzie cuts a promo talking about how Sabu is going to win. That’s a funny idea actually but it sets up the match quite well. If Sabu doesn’t win he leaves apparently.

ECW TV Title: Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Ok, this actually is a big match. I’ll give them that. RVD’s wife is here after having a bad Jetski accident. She’s ever pretty actually. Joey says it’ll be a classic. I doubt that but maybe. We’re on the floor already and Fonzie is the most interesting thing here as he’s saying he’ll be the winner no matter what. That’s brilliant actually. We break out the high spots and Cyrus calls the fans troglodytes.

Sabu is of course sloppy but this time it’s not as bad. He’s not blowing basic spots which helps a lot. Fonzie set up a table earlier on and there it goes. Sabu gets hurt putting Van Dam through it as it’s just been a fight so far. He calls for some athletic tape for his knee as it’s in trouble.

This is still a big crazy fight, but it’s far less annoying here as instead of just mindless violence and making it look silly, this takes the weapons and violence and puts them in as parts of a wrestling match. The Triple Jump Moonsault hits but there’s no referee. Van Dam kicks out of a legdrop version.

Fonzie tries to wake up the referee but not really, which is nice again as he’s unsure if he wants to go with Sabu but he kind of does. Van Dam sets for the Van Daminator but fakes Sabu out and counters his counter to hit it. That was nice. They screw up a hurricanrana as Van Dam doesn’t go down.

That might have been intentional so I can give them that. Fonzie is in the ring with a chair but can’t decide who to give it to so Van Dam hits him with a Van Daminator. SWEET. After blocking a springboard splash, Van Dam hits the Five Star to retain. Post match Sabu leaves the out cold Alfonso laying there.

Rating: B-. I liked it. I have no idea why but I liked it. I think it was the Fonzie thing but this came off as decent to me. I have no desire to watch them fight again, but for a one time thing I liked it. By far the best Sabu match I can remember but not one of Rob’s best. Still this is a major match so that’s good.

The Impact Players say they’ll win the belts because they’re better.

Cyrus and Joey say Sandman/Rhyno won’t happen because Sandman had to take care of a family emergency. I like that. It sucks that a match had to be canceled, but at least be honest about it. I like that as it’s something different.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Raven/Tommy Dreamer

The Players come out separately for no apparent reason. To be fair the champions do too. Apparently the Impact Players are trying to take over the company so Dreamer and Raven are fighting for ECW. Sure why not. Raven is RIDICULOUSLY over. They can’t get in the ring as the Impact Players (I feel like I’m doing OCW again) fight them off.

We hit the floor because that makes sense to give up your advantage like that. The champions throw the other guys off the stage as they’re working together. Hey we go to an actual tag sequence. I’m stunned. Ok to be fair ECW matches usually do go to rules after the insanity dies down. Dreamer is both busted up and in trouble as we HIT THE CHINLOCK!

It’s fun seeing these guys actually wrestle for a change rather than just having mindless brawls. If nothing else we get to look at some rather hot women during this with Francine and Dawn Marie. Storm misses the second best superkick in wrestling and Dreamer gets the hot tag. Well kind of as he hits the hand but no one calls it. The referee realizes they kind of blew the spot and just lets it go I guess.

Raven hits his drop toehold. I’ve always liked how simple yet awesome that was. And there’s the Tombstone but surprisingly it only gets two. I would have bet on that being the ending. Storm sets up a table and then like an IDIOT stands in front of it. As he goes through it, the only thing I can think of is YOU FREAKING DESERVE IT.

The girls go at it and it’s nothing special. There’s your Bronco Buster which still is freaking stupid. Raven takes a Singapore cane shot for Francine but walks into That’s Incredible for the pin.

Rating: C-. Give this more wrestling and a bit more time and this can be pretty good. This was just too short on wrestling and too little Raven who is the best guy in here not named Storm. This was a decent enough match though but it just needed more time to make it a good bit better.

We go outside to the parking lot to talk to Corino and company who say they’re proud of beating up Rhodes. Rhyno tells the guy to shut the F up. THAT is the first moment from ECW that I ever remember. Rhyno wants an ECW Title shot. He would get it and be the last champion of the company.

Cyrus is REALLY happy about the Impact Players getting the belts.

We go to the recap of Spike vs. Awesome which is because Spike’s girlfriend took a clothesline and knocked her teeth out.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Spike Dudley

This should be going on in the spot of the TV Title match and the TV Title match should come on last. Spike has lost a lot of that ANGER from an hour and a half ago. He starts setting up tables before Mike is even here. Oh well we get to listen to some more AC/DC so I can’t complain. He sets up FIVE tables including two on top of each other before getting into the ring with a microphone.

He talks about how he makes his living getting put through tables. Ok thanks for admitting you’re a glorified jobber getting a title shot at a PPV. Why was Awesome managed by a “judge?” That never made much sense to me but whatever. Spike goes through a table less than 15 seconds in. Ok then let’s go home now as this is rather pointless. There go two more.

We’re MAYBE a minute and a half in and Spike has done nothing at all other than a few punches. Them calling the split screen replay Double Vision is funny. Spike is in the crowd and Awesome dives over the railing to knock him back down. Joey wants the match stopped but then cheers when he kicks out of a splash. Is this supposed to make sense?

Oh that’s right it’s Spike Dudley in the main event of a PPV. Of course it’s not supposed to make sense. Awesome Bomb is blocked and Spike jumps at Awesome and hits something close to an Acid Drop on the guard rail. Spike might have hurt his leg. Wow I wonder how he could have done that. Spike hits a hurricanrana which Awesome (rightfully) no sells and then kills Spike with a clothesline for two.

Spike hits the one move that I’ve never been able to understand how it can be done safely: a double stomp from the top rope. In an INSANE spot, Spike gets on the top rope and hits a springboard clothesline from the ring to the front row. That was impressive and Joey/Cyrus make fun of Hogan for doing such limited stuff.

That’s rather amusing as Awesome is actually Hogan’s nephew or something close to that. Spike hits an Acid Drop from the apron to the floor through a table and chokes Awesome out with a cord to take over. Joey shouting AWESOME IS DEAD over and over after a big chair shot is rather creepy.

Spike is thrown through a table and is more or less out cold. Spike then further proves his idiocy by going up when Awesome is on the top rope in front of a table. Of course he goes through it for the pin. He deserved that for general stupidity.

Rating: D-. The problem here is simple: the credibility just wasn’t there at all. Spike is still his size and Awesome is his size. That’s why this didn’t work very well. We get it: Spike can do moves to big guys, but chair shots and a Diamond Cutter from the ropes isn’t enough to make this believable. They tried….kind of, but this just didn’t work that well at all.

OverallRating: D+. It’s by no means the worst ECW show ever, but seriously, what happened here? Van Dam keeps the belt again, Awesome dominates again, the dream partner match made no sense. Oh right the Players won the belts. Guess what they do at the next PPV.

They win the belts since they lose them in a few weeks. Anyway, this wasn’t horrible I guess, but that’s not saying much. Just a very lackluster show and you can clearly see the things just getting ready to come crashing down.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Born To Be Wired
Date: August 9, 1997
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentator: Joey Styles

This isn’t a PPV but it’s the next big show after Barely Legal. We have a main event of Terry Funk defending the world title against Sabu in a pretty famous barbed wire match. On top of that there isn’t anything of note on the card but then again it’s ECW so a lot of the card was probably announced an hour before the bell. Let’s get to it.

Little Guido vs. Pablo Marquez

No intro here and we jump right into the match. This is the home video version so I have no idea what’s going to be cut and what isn’t. Guido is part of the FBI and Marquez is a guy from Ecuador. Before the match, fellow FBI guy Tommy Rich, says that Guido is an F’n Beautiful Intelligent man. Thanks for that Tommy. The fans chant homosexual insults at Guido and the camera work is awful as it can barely stay on the guys.

Marquez ranas Guido to the floor and there’s a big suicide dive. Back in and Pablo springboards into a clothesline for two as Guido takes over. I forgot how annoying I found Joey’s commentary with how much he says exactly what’s going on in the match and offers nothing more. Marquez gets sent to the apron and hits a springboard missile dropkick for two. A suplex gets the same for Guido and Marquez hits a Russian legsweep for two.

Guido works on the leg (notice how fast this is changing momentum) but Marquez comes back with a sunset flip and clothesline for no cover. Marquez sends him to the floor and botches a dive, resulting in him just grazing Guido with his feet. Back in and Pablo dives on the FBI, resulting in Rich hitting him in the back with a flag for the pin by Guido.

Rating: C-. This was your usual fast paced opener but it was a total spotfest with the lack of selling driving me crazy as usual. Marquez was around for awhile in ECW and he didn’t ever get much higher on the card than this. Guido and the FBI would stick around for years, all the way up to the end of the company. The idea of the opener here was fine but the execution didn’t work at all.

Mikey Whipwreck vs. Louie Spicolli

Since this is the home video, they cut from the end of one match to the start of another which is a nice perk. Louie slams him around a few times and they stand around a lot. Mikey speeds things up a bit and slams Louie so much that Louie crotches himself on the post. A Stunner, the move which Mikey kind of might have invented, drops Mikey here and Louie takes over. The fans swear at Spicolli like they did to Guido early but that’s normal for them.

An enziguri takes Mikey down for two and it’s off to the chinlock. This is already in the same problematic area that a lot of ECW shows get into: There’s no story to it (at least that we’re told) so it’s just a match for the sake of having a match. That’s fine when you have guys that can tear the house down, but Mikey Whipwreck vs. Louie Spicolli isn’t exactly Austin vs. Rock you know?

Mikey comes back with a rana but the second is countered into a powerbomb for two. Spicolli misses a Swanton and Mikey speeds things up, only to get sent to the floor. Mikey whips Louie into the barricade and hits a HUGE dive from inside, crashing his legs into the railing in the process. Back inside and a top rope rana gets the pin for Whipwreck.

Rating: C. Better than the opener because Mikey is a lot better than Guido or Marquez. Louie is a guy who was just kind of around for awhile and then he wasn’t anymore. He left for WCW in a month or so. Then he died in February due to a drug overdose. The match was nothing of note for the most part and it might have been Spicolli’s last ECW match.

Spike Dudley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

This is before the Giant Killer phase for Spike. Spike beats up a chair before the match due to reasons of drugs. We’re eight days from Hardcore Heaven and we’re told that we’ll learn Bigelow’s opponent later in the hour. Bigelow asks the fans what section he should throw Spike into. Spike grabs a leg which gets him nowhere at all. Well scratch that as it gets him launched halfway across the ring and through the air.

Bigelow picks Spike up again and teases the fans about throwing him into the crowd but just drops him down instead. A BIG suplex puts Spike down and Dudley sells like only he can. The guy can’t do much because of his size but he’s great at looking like a rag doll. Spike gets posted and he’s busted open. Bigelow splashes him in the corner but the moonsault misses. Spike fires away with a bunch of forearms which finally drop Bigelow for two. The Acid Drop is blocked as Bigelow launches Spike to the mat. Spike hits Bigelow low and hooks a victory roll for the shocking upset.

Rating: D+. This is Heyman 101: when a guy is a huge underdog, he’ll get slaughtered for almost all of the match and then hit one move out of nowhere for the pin. Watch ECW and see how many times you get that exact ending. Spike would wind up as a kind of a cult favorite (inside the cult that was ECW) and he would be the opponent at Hardcore Heaven, where Bigelow MASSACRED him.

Chris Candido vs. Chris Chetti

Blast it now I can’t use two names for each guy. Chetti is billed as The Rookie here, which he would be for like two years. Feeling out process to start with Candido taking him down in a rollup for two. Chetti hits some armdrags into an armbar to take over as things slow down a bit. Candido comes back with rapid fire punches to take over in the corner but Chetti fires right back with some of his own.

Chetti hits a cross body out of the corner for two as again there’s no story to this match at all. Back to the armbar (Candido: “HE’S TRYING TO KILL ME!!!”) as things slow down again. Candido hooks a rana to put both guys on the floor and Chetti gets posted. Back in and Candido hits a middle rope legdrop for two. Off to a chinlock which is one of the last things they should have done here.

The fans want Taz who was feuding with Candido at this point and would have a great match with him at the PPV. Candido suplexes him down and does Taz’s pose. A top rope sunset flip gets two for Candido and it’s back to the chinlock. Candido spits at him and they slug it out, won by the non-rookie.

Chetti hits a German suplex for two and a dropkick takes Candido down. Chetti powerslams him down but doesn’t cover, instead misses a flipping legdrop off the top. Candido goes up and gets crotched, resulting in a superplex for two for Chetti. Cnadido powerbombs him down and a double underhook superplex pins the Rookie.

Rating: C+. Another match with no story to it and in this case there was even less of a doubt as to who was going to win given how Joey kept hyping up Taz vs. Candido at the PPV. Chetti was doing fine here but he was in over his head with Candido, who was one of the top guys ECW had.

Here’s Shane Douglas to run his mouth about Terry Funk and wanting the world title. If Funk survives tonight, Shane gets the title match at Hardcore Heaven. If Sabu wins, Shane wants a title match at Hardcore Heaven. Shane talks about how a few years ago they got ECW noticed with a match called the Extreme Three Way Dance, so how about a rematch for the title at the PPV? I always found the original overrated. It just wasn’t nearly what they made it out to be.

Lance Storm vs. Shane Douglas

Gee I wonder who’s going to win. Storm has a tiny blonde ponytail at this point. Shane is the leader of the Triple Threat and at some point Storm wanted to be a member but only made it to the prospect level. Feeling out process to start with Storm taking Shane to the mat by the arm. Storm chops away and it’s back to the arm. A superkick puts Douglas down and a botched Francine distraction allows Lance to get a rollup for two.

Shane hot shots Storm and stomps away in the corner. With Storm seated in the corner, Douglas baseball slides him into the crotch. Off to a camel clutch by Shane to taunt Sabu. Francine throws in some chairs and Storm gets suplexed down onto an open one for two. Douglas gets backdropped to the floor and crotched on the barricade.

Back in and a springboard cross body gets two for Storm as does an enziguri. A few rollups get a few near falls for both guys and Storm speeds things up. Storm misses a guillotine legdrop but counters the belly to belly into a DDT. The second attempt at the suplex hits for Shane and gets the pin.

Rating: C+. As is usually the case with ECW, the matches have more of a point and get better as the show goes on. The problem with that is that the first forty minutes or so are usually really dull and they don’t really make you want to stick around for the rest of the show. Oh and one more time: Joey needs to stop just saying the moves. It adds very little to the match at all.

TV Title: Taz vs. Al Snow

Snow is challenging and is on the verge of the push of a lifetime which would result in Heyman completely screwing up and not putting the world title on him because Shane Douglas must be champion forever in ECW. Snow rips into the fans for saying that he’s not Leif Cassidy (role he played in WWE) but Al Snow. The fans want Taz to murder Snow which is the norm for them most of the time.

After a long stall Taz takes it to the mat to take over. The fans want Snow’s neck broken. The champ cranks on the arm and does it again after Snow escapes. Snow tries to fight up and gets caught in an ankle hold. This is all mat stuff so far and it’s pretty good as well. After Snow bails to the floor he comes back in and is immediately caught in an Alabama Slam but he hits a kind of enziguri to the face of the champ to take over.

A suplex puts Taz down and the fans are still all over Snow. Taz is like screw this wrestling stuff and takes Snow down to pound away, but Snow rakes the eyes. Now Taz is like screw this brawling stuff and suplexes Snow down. Snow slams him down and fires off some kicks but gets pounded in the face for his efforts. Taz comes back with a German suplex but walks into a suplex from Snow. That gets no sold and it’s the Tazmission to retain the title.

Rating: C+. This never quite clicked as they were didn’t seem quite sure what they were going for as Taz kept switching from wrestling to brawling. Maybe that’s what they were going for but it didn’t quite work. Snow as a guy completely hated by the fans because he used to be in the WWF worked fine and it worked even better when he turned into the psycho head shaking guy. Not terrible here but it was your usual Taz match from this time period. The mat stuff was good though.

The Dudleys are in the ring and it’s time for their long intro. We have D-Von, Bubba, (the two in the match) Big Dick, Sign Guy and Joel Gertner. Joel talks about possession being 9/10 of the law but I can’t quite understand him. The Dudleys are tag team champions. This is one of the funniest parts of the show and always has been. Bubba is Dudleyville’s most eligible bachelor.

Dudley Boys vs. Axl Rotten/Balls Mahoney

Mahoney has short hair here. I think this is non-title. That would be the case because the Gangstas are tag champions but the Dudleys have stolen the belts. If the Gangstas can’t defend them on Sunday, the Dudleys get them anyway. The Dudleys take a walk before the bell but then come back to fight. Ok then. It’s Bubba vs. Axl to start but it’s off to D-Von before anything happens. Axl and D-Von used to be tag partners so there’s a history there.

Big Dick trips up Axl to start the match with a little cheating. Off to Balls to crank on the arm a bit but he gets punched in the corner for his efforts. Big Dick interferes again and we stall a bit. D-Von charges at Balls and gets punched in the face. Dick low bridges Mahoney and the Dudleys take over again. Axl whispers something to Balls and they walk to the back. The fans chant for New Jack but they get the returning Hack Meyers instead and it’s a six man tag now.

Meyers pounds on Big Dick in the corner with the non-Dudleys taking over. All three guys pound on Dick (with the fans chanting AXL! BALLS! SHAH!) which finally knock him to the floor. It’s a brawl with no wrestling at all which is what you would expect from this. Axl cracks D-Von with a chair and they head into the crowd. Make that into the back of the arena. Now make that back to ringside. D-Von cracks Axl with a chair, bringing the sequence full circle.

We haven’t looked at the other four guys for awhile but here are Bubba and Balls again. Back in the ring Balls hits a sitout tombstone on D-Von followed by a guillotine legdrop for a delayed two count. Axl cracks Bubba with a chair (Joey: “BINGO!”) and Meyers heads back inside. Meyers rolls up D-Von for two as Balls cracks Dick with a chair on the floor. The Dick grabs the Balls and chokeslams him through a table and it’s a 3D to Meyers for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a big brawling mess but it was what the fans wanted to see. The six man part only lasted about four minutes but that was what the fans were the most excited for. Meyers was a guy who was basically just a brawler but he was insanely popular with the fans. The Dudleys would do whatever they wanted for about two more years before bailing to the WWF.

Rob Van Dam vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer was in the middle of a major feud with the invading Jerry Lawler while Van Dam was wrestling like a WWF wrestler to make him one of the most hated people in the company. Van Dam does the finger point so Dreamer grabs his ponytail and hooks a headlock. Van Dam will have none of that and kicks Dreamer down. The splits are broken up by a Dreamer dropkick to the back of the head and a clothesline to send Rob to the floor. There’s a plancha and Van Dam is in trouble.

A fan throws Dreamer a no parking sign and Van Dam gets whacked in the head. Then he gets whacked in the head again but off the apron this time. Back in and Van Dam gets two off a sunset flip and kicks Dreamer right back to the floor. Rob hits (I think he did at least as the contact wasn’t shown and Dreamer was a few feet away when they were both laying on the ground) a big flipping dive and Dreamer is in trouble.

Rob crotches him on the barricade and with the help of Fonzie we get a modified Van Daminator to rattle Dreamer’s skull a bit more. Back in again and Van Dam dropkicks a chair into Dreamer’s face and then skateboards the chair into Dreamer’s face in the corner. Rob’s offense is a bit repetitive no? There’s the Five Star and we’re…..not done? No we’re not as it only gets two. That’s a new one.

Van Dam slams Dreamer down on the chair but misses a split legged moonsault, crashing into the chair instead. Tommy hits a kind of Van Daminator and loads Rob into the Tree of Woe. After the baseball slide into the chair, Dreamer hits a frog splash of his own. Beulah and Fonzie get in a fight, although it’s not the famous one that they had which everyone raves about. Due to the distraction, Van Dam hits a Van Daminator but Dreamer pops up and DDTs Rob. Sabu pops up for no apparent reason and another Van Daminator (this one with a trashcan) and a corkscrew legdrop onto the can onto Dreamer gets the pin.

Rating: C. I wasn’t wild on this but it wasn’t terrible. Van Dam wrestling a WWF style didn’t come through here at all as it looked like any of his usual matches in ECW. Also I don’t get the idea of pinning the hero that is going to be fighting off the invading villain in a week but Heyman’s booking never quite made sense.

Post match here’s the Triple Threat (Bigelow, Douglas and Candido) to destroy Van Dam and Sabu. Why? Because it’s what the Triple Threat does. Dreamer is getting beaten down too and a bunch of jobbers come in to try to break up the fights but it turns into a big brawl. The Dudleys are in there now too and they clear the ring other than Dreamer. Mahoney and Rotten run in with weapons to clean house.

Big Dick rises up and destroys them……and here are the Gangstanators (Kronus and New Jack). They get chokeslammed down immediately and it’s crippled Perry Saturn for the real save as the Eliminators and New Jack finally beat up the Dudleys. Dreamer, Rotten and Mahoney get back up and eventually it’s Gertner that gets destroyed. The Gangstas (New Jack and Mustafa, the latter of which isn’t here tonight) wouldn’t fight the Dudleys at the PPV and it would be the Dudleys vs. PG-13, a Memphis tag team. This beating goes on for a long while.

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Sabu is challenging and this is a barbed wire match, which means the ropes have been replaced by barbed wire. Terry heads to the corner to start but Sabu dropkicks the knee out and we head to the mat. Funk tries to throw him into the wire but Sabu puts the brakes on. Sabu does the same as Terry but Terry rolls to the floor to escape. Back in and Sabu puts on a quick camel clutch which goes nowhere.

Funk hits a neckbreaker and a scary looking piledriver for two. They both try to ram the other into the wire and it’s Sabu getting the advantage, but Terry gets his hands up and avoids the pain. Sabu hurricanranas Terry down for two but Funk kicks him off and into the wire for the first gasp from the crowd. Terry rakes Sabu’s eyes into the barbed wire which is pretty sick stuff.

An Irish whip sends the challenger into the wire again and Funk crotches him on it for good measure. Sabu’s tights are ripped up and man are his legs skinny. After some more pain for the guy from Bombay, he sends Terry into the corner and the wire as a result, followed by a chair shot. Funk’s face gets sent into the barbed wire and Sabu finds a spike from somewhere to pound into Funk’s head. This is getting violent in a hurry.

With Funk up against the wire, Sabu hits Air Sabu to drive him further into said wire for two. Air Sabu (it’s a running diving leg attack using a chair as a springboard) misses on its second attempt and Sabu is hung up in the wire. In a famous spot, Sabu’s bicep is sliced open and things slow WAY down. The solution to the cut? Fonzie brings in a roll of tape and tapes the GAPING WOUND closed to keep the match going.

A neckbreaker puts Sabu down but Terry can’t follow up. Sabu goes NUTS and starts pounding on Funk but Terry just punches him in the face to take over again. They both head to the floor and slug it out but are quickly back inside so Funk can put on the spinning toe hold. Fonzie (Sabu’s manager in case you’re not familiar with ECW, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) tries to interfere but gets pulled across the wire as well.

Funk slices open Fonzie’s shirt and cuts his back with it. The champ gets some wire cutters from somewhere and clips some wire off, which he whips Sabu with to slow him down even more. Fonzie gets beaten up some more and it’s back inside for more brawling. Sabu cuts more of the wire down and here’s RVD to pound on Funk. He takes Terry to the floor and wraps him in barbed wire so Sabu can drive Terry through a table.

Now Dreamer comes out to take out Van Dam (literally) and the guys in the match head back inside. Sabu pulls off a big section of wire and wraps himself in it before diving through Funk through a table. To complete this mess, they’re stuck together because Funk was wrapped in wire as well so they get back in the ring in a big ball and Sabu gets two. They’re still stuck together and since there’s nothing else they can do, Sabu shoves Terry’s shoulder back down and gets the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. To the shock of no one who is paying attention, this was a major mess. It was a total freakshow and the ending made it even worse as they couldn’t even do the right ending because they got stuck. Also this would wind up meaning NOTHING as Douglas got the title a week later because in ECW, Shane Douglas MUST be world champion. Just a mess here and it had almost absolutely nothing to do with wrestling.

Overall Rating: D+. Much like most ECW shows, most of this didn’t mean much and was there to fill in time. The main event is a mess and like I said, this means nothing as we’re a week from the second PPV so this whole thing is more or less a big house show before the real show. This isn’t the worst ECW show ever, but man alive it wasn’t much to see. It’s more dull than bad though, and that’s an upgrade for these guys.

Here’s Hardcore Heaven if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2010/12/26/hardcore-heaven-1997/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 17, 2006
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re thankfully back to a normal wrestling show this week without the stupid 13 year old fan service. The main event tonight is Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam in a match that could set up a future title shot down the line. Looking at the card, we have five matches packed into an hour long show. That’s not bad at all and hopefully will make up for last week. Let’s get to it.

Matt Striker vs. Sandman

Singapore cane on a pole match. Sandman is already busted open from his entrance. They stare at each other to start before Striker sprints to the corner, because Sandman could never possibly catch him. In a bit smarter move, Striker goes after Sandy’s leg to keep him from being able to climb. Striker misses a middle rope elbow to the knee but Sandman can’t get to the cane. Matt backdrops Sandman off the top and actually gets the cane first. A few shots to Sandman don’t do much as Striker swings and misses, allowing Sandman to get the cane. After a few shots, Striker bails and loses by countout.

Rating: D+. The blood (from both guys) was helpful but this wasn’t even four minutes long. What are you expecting out of a gimmick match that doesn’t even go that long? This was a feud that worked as you kept waiting to see Sandman get to maul the weasel, but it would have been better if Striker was built up some more.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

This is a rematch from last week. Rene slaps him to start, ticking off Punk enough that he charges into a quick hot shot. Rene gets in some more offense but Punk leg lariats him, hits his quick strikes, the Rock Bottom and the Anaconda Vice for the fast tap. This was nothing.

Mike Knox hits the ring post match but Punk is ready for him. Knox bails immediately when Punk calls him into the ring.

Rob talks about working his way back to the top and earning a shot at Big Show tonight. Van Dam says he’s the best at ECW (his words) and he can slay the dragon. He’ll get a shot eventually and he’ll be ready.

Here’s Test with something to say. Joey continues in vain to try to convince us that Test is a completely different guy now that he’s in ECW, as in he’s more intense or something. That’s the problem with most of the guys that came over to ECW: they’re the same guys we’ve seen for so many years and there really isn’t anything different. Test shows us a clip of Holly’s back getting sliced open a few weeks back and another of Test saving Heyman from Holly. Test makes fun of Holly for being out, which brings out Balls Mahoney to challenge him.

Test vs. Balls Mahoney

Balls jumps him to start and gets beaten down for his efforts. Mahoney’s shoulder is sent into the post and it’s off to an armbar because Test is such a known technical wrestler. Balls fights up and hits his signature punches and the Nutcracker Suite for two. Not that it matters though as the big boot takes Balls’ head off and the TKO gets the quick pin. This was just a step above a squash.

Sabu vs. Shannon Moore

For the first time during the intros, December to Dismsmber is mentioned. Oh sweet goodness we’re reaching that time already? Sabu takes him down very quickly and hits a leg lariat, sending Moore to the outside. A big flip dive takes Shannon out again and they head back inside. After some required generic offense from Moore, he misses a Whisper in the Wind style move and a slingshot legdrop gets the pin for Sabu. Another squash here.

Big Show talks about the Champion of Champions match at Cyber Sunday and doesn’t seem concerned about the match tonight.

Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Non-title here. They stare each other down for a bit and RVD points at himself. Rob pounds away to start and goes for the legs but gets kicked in the face for his troubles. Show gets guillotined on the top rope and a top rope gets gets two for RVD. Show knocks him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show in control and dropping some elbows. There’s a chop in the corner and Rob tries some shots to come back, only to get run over again. Rob comes back with more right hands and another top rope kick, followed by Rolling Thunder for two.

Show comes back with a spear but it only gets two. The fans are getting way into this which is kind of surprising given how the match has been going so far. A Vader Bomb Elbow misses but a clothesline puts RVD right back into the corner. The referee gets bumped and Van Dam counters the chokeslam into a DDT. He loads up the Five Star but Test shoves him off the top and stomps away. Test grabs a chair and pokes Van Dam in the ribs with it but Hardcore Holly runs out and hits Test with the chair. Holly cracks Show with the chair twice and the Five Star gives Rob the upset win.

Rating: C+. I wasn’t liking this one at first but once they got rolling with Van Dam staying in there no matter what and trying to find a way to slay the giant I got into it. Someone had to give Show a challenge eventually and there’s no one more popular or credible than Van Dam in ECW. Better match than I was expecting.

Overall Rating: C+. What a difference it is when you get some wrestling instead of some stupid gimmick for the show which was mentioned all of once this entire show. RVD is the best choice for a challenger to Big Show as I don’t think he ever got a full rematch unless it was right after he lost the title. Much better show this week as we’re starting to get to December to Dismember.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 10, 2006
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and ECW had no involvement with it at all. We’re heading up to Cyber Sunday now where the ECW Champion would have a match but he wouldn’t defend his title. Tonight the main event is a six man tag with the major names on the show fighting the other major names. Things won’t really change around here for about two more months so we’re going to be in the same place for awhile. Oh and there’s Extreme Strip Poker tonight. Let’s get to it.

Balls Mahoney is the dealer for the poker game. We have Trinity, Kelly, Maria, Candice, Ashley and Krystal. Oh and it’s lowest card loses, not even poker. Ashley loses the first one and takes her shirt off. This is going to be a LONG show.

Theme song.

The announced main event is a six man tag, meaning I was looking at the wrong card earlier.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

Punk dropkicks Dupree in the thigh to start and we cut to Kelly taking her shoes off. Dupress gets kicked in the face and pounded into the corner followed by a nearly botched backdrop. Punk heads to the apron and gets elbowed in the face as we head to the chinlock from Rene. Trinity loses her top. The guys in the ring slug it out and Punk blocks an O’Connor roll. Punk takes over and hits the knee/bulldog combo for two. There’s a powerslam for Punk and he floats over into the Anaconda Vice for the submission.

Rating: C-. This was a squash and one with a bunch of annoying distractions. They’re a waste of time as while the girls do look good, you’re never going to see anything, so it’s a constant set of teases without any actual payoff. Also at least do the segments between the matches instead of cutting back to showing a girl taking off her freaking shoes. Hopefully Dupree leaves soon as the guy is just a waste of space.

Candice and Maria tie so they both take something off. Maria takes off her garters and Candice takes off her skirt.

After a break, it’s Dealer’s Choice, meaning Balls gets to pick the article the loser has to take off. Krystal has to take her skirt off. Ok the thong is a nice touch.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds him into the corner to start but a charge sends his shoulder into the post. Ashley takes her shoes off and Thorn cranks on Dreamer’s arm. Candice loses her corset and dances a bit. Thorn misses a headbutt and Dreamer fires off right hands. A suplex puts Thorn down as does a Sky High powerbomb. Dreamer has to go after Ariel on the floor and Thorn gets in a shot to the back. Tommy tries an elbow drop but crashes, letting Thorn hit a sitout Rock Bottom for two. Dreamer hits a reverse guillotine across the top rope and the DDT pins Thorn for the first time in ECW.

Rating: D+. Why would you have Dreamer win here? Thorn was one of the hot young heels they had on this show and they have him lose to the ultimate ECW jobber? Other than that there wasn’t anything here as it didn’t even last four minutes, so it’s not like they could get anywhere with it. Also, it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn. What are you expecting from it?

Krystal loses her shoes and Balls has an erection.

We recap Hardcore Holly getting his back sliced open and then getting taken out by Test before Holly could kill Heyman.

The girls talk about how hot Cena is. This transitions into a promo for the Marine. Maria loves ponies. END THIS FREAKING NONSENSE ALREADY!!! Now they like Batista and Punk. They deal another round and Kelly dances before taking her skirt off. She takes her top off because she wants to. The bra comes off and we take a break with her back to the camera.

SEE THE MARINE!

Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Sandman vs. Test/Matt Striker/Big Show

During the entrances, Ashley loses her skirt and Krystal loses her top. Van Dam and Test get us going with Test pounding Van Dam down into the corner. Rob comes out of the corner with a spinning crossbody for two and it’s a standoff. The step over kick takes Test down and there’s Rolling Thunder at the same time Sabu hits a slingshot legdrop. Sabu adds a springboard leg lariat and it’s off to Sandy.

Striker does the coward heel thing of getting in his shots while Sandman is in trouble. Maria takes her skirt off. Sandman wants Big Show with the big man chopping away as Trinity takes her skirt off. Sabu comes in to fire away on Show but Test pops him in the back to take over. This match is going nowhere. Sabu pounds on Test and we take a break.

Back with Test hitting some backbreakers on Sabu for two. Striker comes in and pokes Sabu in the eyes before hitting a neckbreaker for two. Off to a chinlock to make sure this match doesn’t get interesting at all. Back to Big Show with a chokebomb as Sabu is reeling. Show does the RVD finger point and runs over Sabu again. Maria loses her corset. This would be more appealing if she hadn’t been in Playboy.

Sabu counters a chokeslam into a DDT for two and it’s off to Test. Off to a bearhug followed by Striker coming in and getting punched in the face. There’s a hot tag to Van Dam and the fans really aren’t that interested at this point. Van Dam’s top rope kick takes Striker down and a superkick does the same to Test. Air Sabu hits test in the corner and everything breaks down. The Five Star hits Striker but Sandman gets to come in and beat up Striker for the pin.

Rating: D. This match was terribly boring. It was almost like the match was here to fill in time before we got to the rest of the card stuff. The feuds being combined was a fine idea, but other than that there’s nothing to see here. Sandman pinning Striker doesn’t mean anything and Van Dam and Big Show had all of four seconds of action. Nothing to see here.

Candice claims the game is rigged and gets in an argument with Maria. Tops come off, everything is blurred, you can see the straps of the skin colored underwear, a big catfight ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. I hated this show. I get it: this was to tease 13 year olds, but that doesn’t make it any less dull. This was from 2006, a year where the internet and access to naked women was certainly in full swing. Yeah the girls look good here, but when they keep cutting into the matches for the “poker”, it gets really old really fast. Nothing to see here and I can’t stand shows like this one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

TNA Weekly PPV #6
Date: July 24, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West, Ed Ferrara

Back to Tennessee for another pair of shows. The main event tonight is Sabu challenging Shamrock in a ladder/submission match which is a new one on me. On top of that we have Styles/Lynn defending the titles against the Flying Elvises which was set up last week I believe. These shows are finally getting some traction and they’re starting to fill in a lot of their flaws. Let’s get to it.

We open with Jarrett in the ring and he beats up some security guards with a chair. He isn’t leaving until Shamrock gets out here with Jarrett’s title. In the back we see Shamrock destroying security as well. Shamrock locks all of the security in a room and has a massive British dude guard the door. Shamrock heads to the ring but some suit comes out to talk to Jarrett first. Apparently this is the NWA VP and he’s suspending Jarrett for 60 days. This would be his second suspension in about three weeks. Oh the suit is Bill Behrens.

He threatens Jarrett with security, which is locked in a room. Jarrett cracks Behrens with the chair and beats him with it a bit more. Shamrock FINALLY comes out and destroys Jarrett until Monty Brown and Apolo pull Ken off. Jarrett uses the distraction to bash Shamrock with a chair. Brian Lawler and K-Krush come out to stop Jarrett. I smell a six man.

Amazing Red vs. Low Ki

Tenay talks about how important this is for the rankings. Didn’t we already establish the rankings a few weeks back? We head to the floor almost immediately with Red hitting a sweet rana to take over. Back in and Low Ki looks a bit insane before hitting a Liger Kick to take over. An elbow drop gets two and it’s off to a cravate. A springboard enziguri to the face gets two and HOKEY SMOKE LOW KI USED A SUPLEX!!! I don’t think I’ve ever seen him use one before.

Red gets put in the Tree of Woe and a baseball slide gets two for Ki. Red fires off some kicks in the corner but Low Ki blocks the next few and kicks Red’s hat off. A leg sweep from Red takes Low Ki down and a standing shooting star gets two. A swinging sunset flip gets the same and they’re both back to their feet. Red’s tornado DDT is countered but he avoids some stomps from Low Ki. It’s time for some gymnastics and an enziguri from Red takes Ki down. A big corkscrew moonsault misses for Red and the Ki Krusher 99 (sitout fisherman’s brainbuster) gets the pin for Low Ki.

Rating: C+. I’m not a fan of Low Ki but he was WAY over in early TNA. Red was a great flipper and that’s all you need to be to secure an occasional spot on a card like this one. This was fine for an opener here and the match was fine all things considered. Low Ki would become the first ROH World Champion three days later.

Jarrett goes up to the big British guy and backs down.

Hot Shots vs. Chris Harris/James Storm

Hot Shots are Cassidy O’Reilley and Chase Stevens. No name yet for the future AMW. Earlier today we hear from AMW that it was the Hot Shots that attacked them a few weeks back. Storm is WAY over the top with his cowboy stuff here, to the point where he’s not funny anymore. Storm has fake guns on his hips and Harris yells about how stupid this gimmick is. It’s hilarious that Storm would become world champion while Harris is nowhere to be seen.

Storm and O’Reilley start with the Cowboy taking over early. Harris gets a blind tag and spears Riley down before it’s off to Stevens who is suplexed down for two. Back to Storm who is sent to the floor and sent into the barricade before being sent back in for two from Stevens. The Hot Shots hit a double dropkick with one kick hitting both sides of Storm’s head for two.

Cassidy gets a few not very near falls as it’s clear the Hot Shots don’t have much of an offense. Stevens was supposed to miss a moonsault but Storm rolls too slow and gets hit on the back. Hot tag brings in Harris and everything breaks down. A spinning reverse DDT from Storm takes O’Reilley out and Harris counters a tornado DDT into a northern lights suplex for the pin on Stevens.

Rating: D+. To say this was a weak feud buildup is an understatement. The Hot Shots just weren’t that good and AMW needed way better competition. It was clear they were one of if not the best teams in the company already, but it would take a few months before they were treated as such.

The Hot Shots beat up AMW post match.

Shamrock shoves a doctor away and wants Jarrett.

Apolo vs. Brian Lawler

Brian gets chants of Jerry’s Kid which are a bit shaking as this is being written the day after Lawler had a heart attack on Raw. Both guys toss each other around a bit with Lawler freaking out both times. Apolo pounds away in the corner as the announcers talk about who should be #1 contender. Lawler chokes away with a necklace in the corner and gets two knees up to block an Apolo splash. A middle rope dropkick puts Apolo down but Lawler stops to laugh at the crowd.

Off to a chinlock as that’s about the extent of Lawler’s Memphis offense. Apolo fights up (by fights I mean stands up) and makes a comeback with some Hogan style offense including a slam and legdrop. A not-Hoganesque superkick sets up a TKO attempt which is countered by Lawler into a reverse DDT for no cover. Lawler dances around a lot and is rolled up for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Lawler is really dull as a heel. I get that he was good in Memphis and the USWA as a heel, but this isn’t Memphis or the USWA. It’s post-Too Cool for him and based on that, this character just isn’t working. We know he wants to form his own career without being known as Jerry’s kid, and his method for doing this is constantly talking about Jerry Lawler. The problem with this (aside from the fact that he already did this by being Grandmaster Sexay) is that there is no chance Jerry Lawler is coming here for a payoff to the angle. Without that, it makes a story feel like it has no conclusion, and that makes it pointless.

Lawler snaps and beats up Don West post match. Tenay keeps telling us there’s no security tonight, which makes me ask: what was the point in Shamrock locking them away? To get at Jarrett? I guess so but it’s kind of a weak way to get to the show long angle they’re going with.

Here’s K-Krush and we get a recap of him choking Norman Smiley and others last week. Krush says his name is no longer K-Krush but now The Truth. He isn’t going to do what they tell him to do anymore and it’s all about the Truth. This is getting a big face reaction. He talks about Allen Iverson (nicknamed The Truth) a lot and calls him a criminal. He calls Iverson the best basketball player ever and Tyson the best boxer ever. People think Tyson is an animal but he’s just great. More athletes are listed, including O.J. Simpson, until he gets interrupted by Monty Brown.

Brown (coming out to Abyss’ music) makes fun of Truth for complaining and says don’t go where Truth is leading. He’s talking about racism if that doesn’t come over clearly. Brown talks about being a football player and walking away from it before coming to the NWA. “They” are making this a possibility for him and maybe Truth just doesn’t have what it takes. Truth says no to a fight before calling Brown an Uncle Tom and jumping Brown. Monty tosses him away with ease and hits the Alpha Bomb.

We recap Lynn and Styles’ tag title reign and the problems they’ve been having.

We get a sitdown interview from earlier with the tag champions. AJ talks about being young and hungry but says he respects Lynn. Lynn is a veteran and he says AJ has to earn everything he gets, which AJ realizes as well.

Tag Titles: Flying Elvises vs. Jerry Lynn/AJ Styles

It’s Estrada and Yang for the Elvises with Siaki on commentary. Lynn and Estrada start things off and Jorge is sent into the corner very quickly via an armdrag. Estrada comes back with a side slam but misses a Lionsault. A spinning Gory Special by Lynn doesn’t seem to do much and they trade headscissors. Off to AJ who hits a sweet spin kick for two but then gets sent into the middle buckle via a headscissors.

Yang comes in and maybe he’ll actually sell something. Styles nips up into another headscissors and takes Yang down with a belly to back suplex for two. Back to Lynn as the champions stay on offense. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Jerry and it’s back to Styles. Yang tries a tombstone but Styles counters with, you guessed it, a headscissors. Yang finally gets his knees up to stop a cross body and the Elvises take over.

Everything goes to the floor and Siaki interferes with a clothesline to give the challengers their first real advantage. Yang hooks a modified Koji Clutch before bringing Estrada back in. The Elvises tag in and out rapidly and hit suplexes and flip attacks for two after two. AJ hooks a small package for two but gets clotheslined down by Estrada again. A spinebuster gets two for Estrada and Yang hits a slingshot hilo for two.

Yang hooks an abdominal stretch on AJ which doesn’t last long either. The moonsault into the DDT puts Yang down but Estrada breaks up the tag to Lynn. AJ gets beaten on even more before FINALLY hitting a kick to the face of Yang to break free and tag in Lynn. Lynn speeds things way up and dropkicks Yang to the floor, followed by a big plancha. Estrada dives on them both and here’s AJ for the big dive, but Siaki pulls the challengers out and Styles hits Lynn, busting Lynn open on the barricade.

The Elvises hit a top rope splash/legdrop and SWEET GOODNESS is Lynn bleeding bad! I mean his face is COVERED. Lynn can’t stand up but he manages a quick shot to Estrada for the pin while Styles is ready for the Spiral Tap on Yang, meaning Lynn stole a pin just like AJ did recently.

Rating: B-. This was pure formula, but the good thing is that the standard tag formula works very well. Lynn vs. Styles works very well and it’s being played out very well. For a new company, this is the perfect midcard feud and it’s working incredibly well. Good stuff again here which is all you would expect from these guys.

Styles storms off immediately and leaves Lynn laying.

Disco Inferno now gets a talk show. He’s going by his real name of Glenn Gilbertti here and takes credit for Goldberg’s first loss and retiring Jumping Joey Maggs. He rambles on a bit about a bikini contest and says there’s nothing else for him to do in wrestling. Gilberti says he’s going to teach Shamrock what personality is and how to make Lynn look young. Starting next week he’s going to unlock the door to logic. This is the most rambling I’ve heard this side of a drunk Piper promo. I think he’s supposed to be a motivational speaker or something.

Shamrock is still looking for Jarrett.

Simon Diamond/Johnny Swinger vs. Elix Skipper/Monty Brown

Simon and Swinger were a regular tag team in the last days of ECW. Skipper and Simon start things off with Skipper getting a bunch of fast two counts. Brown comes in for a double dropkick and Skipper starts pounding away again, only to get caught in a double dropkick. That’s fair play if nothing else. Swinger hits a neckbreaker for two and it’s back to Simon for some suplexes for two of his own.

We get some heel miscommunication and Skipper hits a pair of superkicks to take them down. Off to Brown with no heat to the tag and he cleans house. Everything breaks down and an MNM Snapshot takes Skipper down but he isn’t legal. Brown hits a quick Alpha Bomb (it starts off like a slam but he throws the guy up into a powerbomb) for the pin on Diamond.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here at all but Brown was getting a decent push to open his run in the company. Simon and Swinger didn’t last long at all but they were somewhat known names and could fill in some spots on the roster I guess. Just a basic match here though and not much worth seeing.

Post match Truth comes out and hangs Brown as Elix just walks out. It was a setup 30 minutes in the making!

The Dupps continue to not be funny. Bo challenges the big British guy. To call this stupid would be an insult to the people stupid people call stupid.

Bo Dupp vs. Ian Harrison

That’s the big guy’s name. Harrison used to be Mr. Universe and therefore is a McMahon wet dream waiting to happen. The hick fans chant for Bo but this is basically a squash. Harrison is clearly there for his look but he’s not the worst muscle head I’ve ever seen. Bo gets in some offense but walks into a powerslam for two. Stan Dupp runs in for the DQ a second later. This went nowhere at all.

Shamrock and Jarrett have a pull apart brawl as security is finally out of the locker room.

NWA World Title: Sabu vs. Ken Shamrock

This a ladder/submission match, which is exactly what it sounds like. After a LONG recap of last week’s ladder match with Sabu vs. Malice, we’re ready to go. The fans seem to be completely behind Sabu here. Shamrock controls to start and goes for a leg hold but Sabu makes the rope. Sabu gets a quick rollup for two so the rules are basically thrown out the window so far. Apparently security has walked out of the building. Not like it makes a difference or anything.

Shamrock grabs an armbar but Sabu gets out before it can go on full. Sabu actually tries a leg lock but Shamrock is like boy please and counters into a leg bar. The springboard leg lariat takes Shamrock down and the slingshot legdrop looks to set up an armbar. I don’t think the pins count anymore. Apparently Ricky Steamboat is in charge next week.

Sabu gets knocked to the floor and we get the first ladder brought in with like four minutes left. The ladder gets kicked into Sabu’s face before it gets into the ring. Sabu and Shamrock brawl up the ramp with Sabu being through into one of the mini cages near the stage. Sabu is busted open but he manages to send Shamrock into the barricade.

It’s table time but the springboard flip dive by Sabu misses Shamrock, sending Sabu through the table on the ramp. Cool looking dive though. FINALLY a ladder is brought in but as Shamrock goes up, Malice runs in and chokeslams him down. Malice gets the belt itself and leaves to end the show.

Rating: D. Other than a few spots from Sabu, this was really boring. They had a no contest in a ladder match. That’s hard to do but they managed to do it here. Shamrock is a really boring champion but thankfully he’ll only have the title for a few more weeks. This is the last match Sabu would have with the company for almost a year and it’s a shame he couldn’t go out on the one he had last week which was way better.

Overall Rating: C+. You have to remember that this company isn’t even two months old yet. Factoring in that, this is a pretty remarkable performance as they’ve gotten rid of about 80% of the dumb stuff (the Dupps still are insanely annoying) and have some solid stories going on. It’s going to take a LONG time before they get anything significant going on, but these early days aren’t terrible by any stretch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 3, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re into a new month here as this show is starting to fly by. After last week we’re really right back where we were coming into last week with Show being completely dominant and no opponent for him at the moment. We also have Van Dam standing tall due to his victory over Holly. It’s hard to say what else we’re going to get from here on out. Let’s get to it.

We open with Holly and Heyman in the back, watching a clip from last week of Holly being sliced open like a cabbage. Heyman praises him for finishing the match after being out for a year due to a staph infection. Holly says that’s what he does and he wants Van Dam again tonight. Heyman almost panicking over the thought of a lawsuit is kind of funny stuff and he obviously says no. Holly grabs Heyman but Test pops in and hits Hardcore in the back with a chair. It’s Test vs. Van Dam tonight in an extreme rules match.

Opening sequence.

Sandman/Sabu vs. Big Show/Matt Striker

So I guess Sabu and Big Show are still feuding somehow. Sabu and Show start with the giant being clean shaven now. That’s kind of a good look for him. Show clotheslines Sabu down and tosses him around with ease. Off to Striker and Sabu gets on offense quickly, hitting a springboard leg lariat and some dropkicks to take over. Sabu is knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show coming in to headbutt Sabu down followed by a suplex which gets two for the tagged in Striker.

Striker kicks Sabu low to knock him to the floor again. Striker hooks a cravate and Sabu is in trouble again. Matt goes up but jumps into a spin kick in a bad looking spot. Sandman finally gets the hot tag and the beating begins. Striker tries to go up but Sandman blasts him with a left hand and the Heinekenrana gets two. The White Russian leg sweep is broken up by Show, who splashes Sandman to give Striker the pin.

Rating: D+. The problem here is that this is just a tag match. Sabu can hang in a match for the most part but Sandman is dull when he can’t use his weapons. This was just your standard tag match which bordered on a squash. Show is being put over stronger than almost anyone I’ve ever seen which is good for him but bad for everyone else.

Kelly Kelly and Trinity plug Extreme Strip Poker. Kelly takes her top off and has cards covering her.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds away to start but gets slammed out of the corner by Thorn. Thorn beats on Tommy but a pumphandle slam is countered into a neckbreaker as Dreamer starts his comeback. The DDT is countered but the second attempt at it gets two due to Thorn being in the ropes. A shot from the cane to Dreamer’s head ends this quick.

Watch the Marine!

Maria will play poker next week and people have been giving her “good” advice on how to play.

CM Punk vs. Danny Doring

Doring tries an early suplex but gets kicked in the ribs. A butterfly backbreaker puts Doring down and Punk fires away with knees in the corner. The knee/bulldog combo sets up a striking sequence followed by the Rock Bottom and Anaconda Vice for the tap. This was barely over a minute.

Kelly pops up on stage and dances for Punk. Knox takes her away and Punk says he’s sick of this. He says Knox’s problem isn’t keeping him away from Kelly, but from keeping Kelly away from him. Knox comes to the ring but backs off. The fans were into this.

Kristal Marshall and Ashley will be playing too.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam

Extreme Rules. Test kicks him in the ribs during the finger pointing which is something you would think a lot more people would do. Van Dam is sent to the floor and Test chokes him on the barricade. Van Dam gets in a kick (were you expecting something else?) but misses the spinning leg to the back of Test, crashing into the barricade instead. Test gets the steps but gets tripped, sending the steps crashing down on top of him. In a cool spot, Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder onto Test onto the steps.

It’s table time and the fans erupt as a result. As always, that takes too much time and Test takes his head off with a clothesline in the ring. Test throws four chairs into the ring and a big boot into one of them into the head of Van Dam gets two. A suplex onto the chair is countered by Van Dam and he pelts the chair at Test’s head ala Sabu. Test goes to the apron but Van Dam can’t knock him through the table. Test tries to suplex him through the table in a repeat of the spot from last week with Holly, but Van Dam countered into a sunset powerbomb through the table in a great spot.

We take a break and come back with the arrival of Heyman and security. Back inside and Test low blows Van Dam but Rob manages to clothesline him on the top rope. The recoil sends Van Dam to the floor and the security guards pound on Rob for a bit. That gets two for Test back inside and the Canadian is getting frustrated. Somewhere in there a chair was wedged between the top and middle rope and Rob is launched head first into said chair. Somehow that only gets two and Test is stunned.

Off to a bearhug as Van Dam is in even more trouble. Van Dam escapes but a BIG chair shot to the head gets two. Test removes the buckle from a corner but RVD blocks the shot into it and this a spinwheel kick to put both guys down. Rob goes to the floor for another chair because the four in the ring weren’t enough I guess. After threatening the guards with the chair, he skateboards it into Test’s face in the corner. He loads up Rolling Thunder onto the chair but Test moves, sending Rob’s back into chair only.

With the chair on Van Dam’s face, Test goes up and drops a Cactus Jack elbow (as in he had a chair of his own and slammed it into the other chair) off the top…..for two. Test loads up another table but his powerbomb through it is countered into a sunset flip for two. Snake Eyes onto the exposed buckle is countered and Van Dam hits the top rope kick. After dispatching the guards, Van Dam loads up the Five Star through the table but Big Show comes out and shoves him through the table. A TKO from Test finally gets the pin.

Rating: B. Van Dam is on a roll right now and I’m digging this war with Heyman and his team of lackeys as he’s building up to the big rematch with Show. Test looked good here and after the match last week with Holly, I think it’s fair to call Van Dam an official miracle worker. Another strong match here which would probably be the best match of the week in WWE.

Overall Rating: B. With Van Dam being on fire like he is now, ECW is on a total roll. There are finally clear stories going on up and down the card with Van Dam vs. Heyman being a highlight. The main issue I see with it though is next week. The show ended with Joey guaranteeing someone losing their clothes next week. That flat out is not going to happen, or at least we won’t be able to see it. Also it’s annoying when that’s the focus of the show instead of the good action we’ve been getting. Either way, good show here as ECW has finally gotten it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: November 26, 1999
Location: Aragon Ballroom, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 3,912
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

It’s the day after Thanksgiving which means the Cowboys are probably on a losing streak. When may be a bit more surprising is that with this episode, I’ll be ¼ done with the entire series. Think about that for a minute. This show wasn’t even on the air for 60 episodes. The next PPV isn’t for a month and a half so we’ve got some time to fill. Let’s get to it.

After a very quick intro by Joel and Joey, here’s Jerry Lynn to open things up. Joey asks him if he’s in league with Tajiri and Jerry says that’s it for this interview and leaves.

Theme song.

Rhyno tells Candido that Candido needs to find him a warmup match or Candido will get the warmup beating. Sunny implies she’ll de-hornify Rhyno if he gives her ten minutes.

TV Title: CW Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

During RVD’s entrance, we cut to New Jack in New York looking for the Baldies. New Jack flat out says he wants to rape Angel. We miss the opening of the match because of a merchandise plug. Anderson is in control to start with a headlock and left hand in the corner. Van Dam comes back with a sunset flip and spinwheel kick to take over. Another kick takes Anderson down and the cartwheel moonsault gets two. CW comes back with a superkick (WAY too popular of a move in ECW) for two and a neckbreaker for the same.

Anderson goes up but gets crotched. When has going to the top EVER gone well for someone named Anderson? Yes, they’re actually pushing him as Arn’s relative, which I hope has some tongue in cheek aspects to it here. They head to the floor with Van Dam putting him over the barricade and hitting the spinning leg to Anderson’s back. Back in and a spinebuster puts Van Dam down for two. That doesn’t seem to matter though as a few kicks put Anderson down and the Five Star retains the title.

Rating: C-. This was your normal TV Title match for Van Dam: he comes out, he gets the crowd fired up, he hits some kicks, he retains the title, the fans all say it’s way better than it really was. Anderson was supposed to be a big time heel in ECW but he never quite got anywhere with it, other than an I Quit match with Dreamer which again wasn’t as great as people make it out to be.

New Jack is still looking for the Baldies. He annoys the one person he finds on a NEW YORK CITY subway and that’s about it.

We come back to the arena and Sabu is fighting Van Dam.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Why is Sabu out here? No reason given. Why are tag partners fighting? No reason given. Van Dam kicks Sabu down but gets crotched as he goes up. Sabu hits a springboard hurricanrana off the top for two. Fonzie slides in a chair which goes upside Van Dam’s head. The Triple Jump Moonsault mostly misses and we head to the floor. Van Dam dives into the crowd onto Sabu and we take a break.

Back with Van Dam on a table between the barricade and ring with Sabu diving off the top through it. Sabu slams him down in the ring…..and we take another break? Back with Sabu falling on the chair as he loads up another Triple Jump Moonsault which apparently hurt his knee. Van Dam goes after the knee and here are Candido and Rhyno to beat both guys up.

Van Dam and Sabu kick them down with chairs before Van Dam hits a flip dive over the top to take both guys out. Sabu tries a dive of his own but the knee gives out. Van Dam goes back in and works on the knee, hitting a Five Star onto the chair onto the knee. He puts on a bridging Indian Deathlock and Fonzie throws in the towel.

Rating: N/A. This is one of those matches where the match went long enough to get a rating, but there was so much other stuff going on that there is no way to fairly grade it. These two would have a title match at the PPV which Van Dam would win, but that begs the question of why give it away for free here? That’ll come up later on so we’ll get to it in a bit.

Little Guido vs. Super Crazy

Before we start what should be a good match, we go back to New Jack in the subway. He’s on the #6 train. Actually he’s in front of it so he’s already lying. Once again we miss the opening and come back to see Guido taking him to the mat. A cross armbreaker is broken up and we have a standoff. They both counter a few moves until Crazy tries a standing Lionsault but gets dropkicked out of the air.

Guido drops a knee to the face of Crazy but Crazy stops to go after Big Sal. After Crazy escapes Sal’s clutches, Guido misses a dive onto Crazy and Crazy hits an Asai Moonsault onto both of them. Back in and Guido hits a top rope Fameasser for two. The idea of selling doesn’t mean much in ECW. In a cool move, Crazy sets for a Lionsault but Guido pops up onto the ropes and hits a Russian Leg Sweep off the middle rope for two.

Crazy gets powerbombed out of the corner for two. Again the lack of selling is ridiculous. A tornado DDT puts Guido down for a delayed two. A top rope flip dive gets the same and it’s time to punch in the corner. Big Sal comes in and crushes the referee before getting ranaed by Crazy. Tajiri and Lynn come in for no apparent reason and beat up Crazy to give Guido the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t dull but it wasn’t any good. The problem here was that instead of a coherent match with any flow or psychology (or selling) to it, they were just hitting random moves on each other until the run-in which made no sense at the end. The annoying thing about ECW is that Crazy vs. Guido could be a good match but they have to overbook it so much that it loses whatever it could have going for it.

Lance Storm/Justin Credible/Rhyno vs. Tommy Dreamer/Raven/Sandman

Here’s a rematch of November to Remember’s main event, because why pay for it when you can get it for free here? Then again why would you pay for it in the first place? Back to New York and the Baldies were on another train and leave with no confrontation. Yep, that’s the payoff after all that build up. Before Sandman and Raven get here, Dreamer goes after Credible. It turns into a three on one beating and here’s Raven for the save. That goes badly for Bird Boy as Storm kicks him down. A chair is brought in and Storm goes face first into it, giving the tag champs (Dreamer and Raven) the advantage.

We have like six minutes of airtime left and Sandman hasn’t started his entrance yet. Dreamer gets double teamed by Rhyno and Storm in the ring while Credible beats on Raven on the floor. Here comes Sandman so the heels all stop what they’re doing. You know, because a guy staring at them is enough to make them stop beating on their opponents.

Sandman comes in and misses everyone before Storm superkicks him down. There’s no semblance of a match here at all as it’s just a big brawl. Dreamer piledrives Rhyno and Francine hits Storm low. Dawn does the same to Dreamer and we have a Catfight. Sandman hits the White Russian Leg Sweep on Justin for two. Raven loads up a DDT on Storm but Sandman hits his partner with the cane and Storm pins him.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t a match. It was a wild brawl with the occasional wrestling move thrown in. When you have a wrestling match for me to rate, let me know. Nothing to see here.

New Jack finds a Baldie but a single shot to the back from another one knocks him out.

Overall Rating: D. The problem with ECW on TNN is that it’s very obvious that there are only about three stories going on in the entire show. You have Sabu vs. Van Dam (with no reason given as to why they’re fighting), the Dreamer/Raven stuff, and the Baldies vs. New Jack. Other than that, there’s NOTHING going on here. If I don’t care about any of those stories, I have no reason to watch. The problem on top of that is that these stories aren’t fleshed out at all. Basically the people are fighting because they’re supposed to be fighting. That’s not good and it’s not working here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: September 12, 2006
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re coming up on Unforgiven and in a bit of a lull for ECW. We aren’t ready to talk about December to Dismember yet but we don’t really have anything planned for in between then. My guess would be we have random matches that don’t add up to much until then which is par for the course. Oh and we’re in the World’s Most Famous Arena tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with Heyman and his masked bodyguards in the ring. He talks about the deal he made to bring ECW to the big time and again says that the fans owe him a thank you. The way he’s speaking is kind of strange as you can tell he thinks what he’s saying is bull, but he’s a native New Yorker and he has ECW in Madison Square Garden. It’s an interesting combination.

Sabu almost immediately runs out and goes after the guards with a chair, knocking them to the floor. Heyman makes Big Show vs. Sabu later on in an extreme rules match. In theory that wouldn’t be for the title but you never know with his mindset after awhile. Sabu dives onto the guards because he’s a bit out there.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

Van Dam jumps him to start and snaps off a fast rana before being backdropped to the floor. Holly busts out a pescado which is a rare thing to see from him. This is as a result of Holly jumping Van Dam recently at the request/suggestion of Heyman, who hates Van Dam for some reason. Back in and a legdrop gets two for Holly who is in full control. A middle rope elbow kind of misses as I think Van Dam got his foot up but it looked odd.

Either way Van Dam is making his comeback here and hits the step over kick followed by Rolling Thunder for a delayed two. A monkey flip sends Holly out of the corner and Van Dam heads up. Holly crotches him but the superplex is broken up. The Five Star is loaded up again but here are Stevie Richards and Mike Knox for the DQ for no apparent reason.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but it was too short to go anywhere. Holly was a guy that they wanted to be a big deal in ECW, but at the end of the day he’s the same guy that has been a joke on the main two shows for years leading up to this. It’s hard to take him seriously when he was the guy running around with Crash for all those years.

Van Dam beats those two up but Test comes out as well, hitting the full nelson slam to take him out. Sandman and Dreamer finally run in for the save. Everyone hits Richards with something and the Five Star finishes his murder.

CM Punk vs. Shannon Moore

Two matches without a commercial or segment? I’m stunned. This is Moore’s ECW debut. He slaps Punk in the face to start and pounds him down which is probably about the extent of his offense here. Punk jumps over Moore in the corner and hooks the Tarantula Vice in the ropes. A series of strikes to the ribs stops Moore dead as the fans are chanting for Punk. The corner knee/bulldog hits and the high kick sets up the Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice for the tap. Basically just a squash.

Rene Dupree is looking in a mirror.

Punk talks about all the guys he wants to fight when Kelly Kelly comes up to hit on him. She asks him out but Mike Knox makes the save. I think I smell a feud.

The villain in The Marine says the movie is cool.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn come out for the next match.

Rene Dupree vs. Balls Mahoney

Dupree jumps him to start but Balls comes back with the signature punches in the corner. A charge hits the post for Mahoney though and a bottom rope splash gets two for Rene. Taz: “That’s extreme?” A middle rope elbow gets the same and I can’t believe I’m watching this on ECW.

I get the idea that they’re going with to have Dupree as a heel in ECW, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’ve had guys like Shannon Moore, Mike Knox and Rene Dupree on this show. Mahoney snaps off the Nutcracker Sweet (sitout spinebuster) for two and they head to the floor. Balls gets a chair but Thorn kicks him into the steps, giving Dupree the pin.

Rating: D. Like I said, at the end of the day you can only get so into a match about Rene Dupree. Mahoney is one of the holdovers from the original ECW who at least looks like he belongs on a show about Extreme wrestling. This wasn’t good by almost any standard but it set up Thorn vs. Mahoney which is less dull than this was.

Matt Striker doesn’t like Sandman or the people drinking his “giggle water”. I give up.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Sabu

This is non-title. Ok apparently it is for the belt. Why would Heyman agree to that? He and the bodyguards are at ringside and Heyman is panicking as Sabu sets up tables before the bell. We take a break and come back with Sabu holding a chair in the ring and the bell rings. Show swats that away with ease and knocks him out to the floor. Back in and Show throws the chair to the floor and clotheslines Sabu down for two. This is going very slowly so far.

Sabu finally wakes up and takes out Show’s leg followed by a chair shot. Then Sabu shows that he’s an idiot by trying a freaking camel clutch on BIG SHOW. Show gets caught on the top rope and kicked to the floor but it doesn’t really do anything to him. The fans want tables so Show sets one up in the ring, making him a face for about 5 seconds. Sabu picks up a chair but looks scared to swing it.

The chokeslam is countered by Sabu into a DDT through the table for two. For a crowd that wanted tables, they didn’t seem to be that interested in it once Show was put through it. Sabu pelts the chair at Show and knocks him through the table on the floor. The crowd again doesn’t seem too interested. Show goes into the post and Sabu gets in a chair shot to the back. Air Sabu to the floor is caught in a chokeslam through another table and Sabu is in big trouble. The Cobra Clutch backbreaker sets up the standing legdrop (called the Showstopper here) for the pin.

Rating: D+. The crowd told the story here: no one bought Sabu as a real threat to Show at all and why should they have? Show has been completely dominant unless he’s against more than one person, and Sabu’s offense isn’t made to face someone like Show, who is way too big and strong for a small guy like Sabu. Some of the bumps were decent but there was no way they could make this be exceptionally good.

Overall Rating: D+. I know I talked about the problems they were having with the ECW guys being the focus, but now we’ve reached a new section of problems for ECW. No matter what you call it or repackage these guys as, no one was going to care about Rene Dupree, Hardcore Holly, Test and Mike Knox. Those guys aren’t people that are going to create interest at all. They’ve been jobbers for so long on Raw and Smackdown that no one was going to buy them as threats anywhere. That’s what wound up happening and it wasn’t for a good many months that the problem got solved.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/08/12/unforgiven-2006-the-year-of-cena-begins/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: August 22, 2006
Location: Wachovia Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re past Summerslam now and Big Show is still champion, having beaten Sabu at Summerslam. The main event tonight: Big Show vs. Sabu for the ECW Championship. We also have Matt Striker, who is making his ECW debut tonight after a long time on Raw. We also get a bikini contest between Kelly and Torrie, which I’m sure will be riveting. Let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up.

We open with Torrie and Kelly in their bikini contest. Torrie is in FHM this month. She disrobes first and looks good but Mike Knox stops Kelly from disrobing. Test is with him for the sake of setting up a six man tag. Dreamer and Sandman come in and we’re ready to go.

Torrie Wilson/Tommy Dreamer/Sandman vs. Test/Mike Knox/Kelly Kelly

The girls go at it quickly and the fans freak out. Torrie is in a bikini so we get a Stinkface. So that’s where Kelly learned it. Test and Dreamer come in, thank goodness, with Test poking him in the eye to take over. A trio of backbreakers gets two. Knox comes in and stays on the back of Dreamer as the fans tell Knox that he can’t wrestle.

Test comes in and takes out Sandman before throwing Dreamer in a bearhug. Dreamer finally gets out and hooks a neckbreaker to give himself a breather. Off to Sandman and Knox but it’s Test who gets caught in the White Russian Legsweep. Sandman hits a Swanton (Rolling Rock) on Knox for two. After some interference from Test, Knox misses a middle rope legdrop. Dreamer DDT gets the pin on Knox.

Rating: D. This was a mess and the girls didn’t add anything to it, but they were only involved for about 30 seconds so it’s not that big of a deal. The match was boring though as it was just old school vs. new school which would be the story on this show for months on end. Sandman was a nostalgia act at this point but he got paid for a few months out of it so I can’t complain much there. Not a good match but it got the crowd a bit fired up so I can’t complain much.

Show tells Heyman not to worry tonight because it’s a one on one match with no weapons for Sabu to use.

Matt Striker is in the back and says he’s our teacher. The letters ECW bring about images of barbarism but those aren’t good. Therefore, he’s going to educate us in the future.

Kevin Thorn vs. Balls Mahoney

Extreme Rules. Thorn jumps Balls before he can use the chair and we’re off fast. Balls comes back with right hands and a HARD kick to the face. Out to the floor for a good beating of balls. Back in and Thorn beats Balls with a stick. These jokes write themselves. The stick gets rammed into Balls’ throat (there is such a thing as making this too easy you know) but Mahoney comes back with punches and the Nutcracker Sweet for two. Balls goes to get a chair but Ariel bites him on the way back in. A chair shot and the elevated Stunner get the pin for Thorn. Quick match with more unintentional comedy than anything else.

More Shannon Moore stuff. The system is oppressive I see.

CM Punk vs. Christopher W. Anderson

He’s doing the IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME already. Anderson is introduced as Christopher W. Anderson but screw that, he’s CW Anderson. Anderson takes him into the corner and we actually get a clean break. Joey and Tazz argue over how much coffee Anderson had in the original ECW. They go to the corner again and Anderson kills him with the left, resulting in a left/right joke series from our commentators. Anderson works on the arm in the corner but gets caught in the Vice around the ropes. The knee/bulldog combination conencts but Punk walks into a spinebuster for two. Never mind as it’s strike sequence, Rock Bottom, Vice, tap.

Sabu says he’ll win tonight.

Trailer for The Marine.

Heyman talks to someone and tells them to make an impact tonight. It’s Hardcore Holly and Heyman whispers a name to Holly which Hardcore isn’t thrilled with. Whoever he whispered has been making trouble for Holly in the locker room.

Danny Doring vs. Rob Van Dam

Doring tries to speed things up but gets his head kicked off instead. Danny drops some elbows on the back to take over but Van Dam has had enough of that. The monkey flip sets up the top rope kick and Doring is in trouble. Rolling Thunder hits and the Five Star finishes the squash.

Post match Hardcore Holly jumps Van Dam with a chair. He hits Doring for good measure before giving Van Dam the Alabama Slam.

Highlight video of Summerslam.

Rene Dupree says he’s the best athlete ECW has ever had.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Sabu

Sabu pounds away to start but gets beaten down almost as quickly. Some LOUD chops put Sabu down so Show picks him up and drops Sabu onto the top rope and out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Show choking away even more. During the break there’s been a table set up at ringside, apparently to taunt Sabu.

Sabu breaks up a bearhug with a poke to the eye. The referee goes down, as does Sabu to a fallaway slam. Sabu uses the referee being down to get some chair shots in, taking Big Show down. Triple Jump Moonsault hits but there’s no referee. Arabian Facebuster hits and a second referee counts two. Sabu gets the bell and clocks Show with it in front of the referee for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t really have time to do anything, but it wasn’t all that interesting watching Sabu get thrown around and then a ref bump followed by a stupid DQ. These two would feud for awhile while we waited to get something better going in the main event. This was fine for a filler feud though.

Post match Sabu hits him again with the bell, busting Show open. He knocks him through the table (great sound effect) and HOKEY SMOKE Show is busted bad. There’s a freaking pool of blood on the ground. It’s legit scary looking actually.

Overall Rating: D+. It wasn’t a great show, but there was a major shift this week as the main event only ran about five minutes (not counting commercial) as opposed to the usual 15 minutes or so it had been getting up to this point. That can be seen as either good or bad, in that it gives more time to other acts, but it also takes away the long match. In ECW’s case though, with just an hour a week, spending ¼ of the show on a single match wasn’t the best idea. The shift here is good and the show had a lot more to it as a result. The problem is the additional stuff here wasn’t that great.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews