ECW on TNN
Date: January 28, 2000
Location: Lakefront Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting closer to Living Dangerously and the showdown between Mike Awesome and Rob Van Dam. You might not have heard about that match and we’ll get to the reason why at the end of this. Other than that the Impact Players are still feuding with Raven and Dreamer who still have problems of course. Other than that it’s hard to say where you’re going to get from ECW. Let’s get to it.

Francine marches into Raven’s locker room but he’s sitting on the floor. He doesn’t want to be in his match tonight because it’s not for him. Raven complains about losing everything when he does stuff for other people. Dreamer comes in and calls him Scotty but Raven won’t go.

Joel and Joey do their in ring intro. Joel goes into his poetry about Cyrus and various sexual acts but we cut to Cyrus in the control room. He says that there are five wrestlers who will walk if Gertner doesn’t step down as commentator.

We cut to the end of last week’s show with Awesome and RVD which was interrupted by Sabu and resulted in a beatdown of Van Dam and Spike Dudley who tried to save. We get the whole segment because there’s nothing new to air instead.

Opening sequence. We’re over ten minutes in so far and that’s all we’ve seen.

Living Dangerously ad.

Buy our action figures! Including Taz who has already debuted in WWF!

Little Guido comes out for a match but first let’s have more non wrestling with Judge Jeff Jones and Mike Awesome talking about Spike Dudley.

Little Guido vs. Tajiri

Before the bell we take ANOTHER commercial, putting us about twenty minutes into an hour long show before the first bell. They speed things up to start with Tajiri escaping a sleeper and firing a kick to the ribs. Tajiri loads up a powerbomb…..AND WE TAKE ANOTHER BREAK??? Are you kidding me? Either way we come back with Guido getting slammed down before he heads to the floor.

A big moonsault takes out both Guido and Big Sal and we head back inside. There’s the Tarantula to Guido and the Buzzsaw Kick for no cover. Little tries a Fujiwara Armbar but Tajiri makes it to the rope. The handspring elbow takes Guido down and the double feet to the face.

Guido immediately comes back with a top rope Fameasser for two. Apparently a starting tight end for the Saints is replacing Raven as Dreamer’s partner. There’s a random pairing for you. A baseball slide into a chair crushes Guido’s face and a dropkick puts Sal on the floor. Tajiri kicks Guido in the face and hits a brainbuster for the pin.

Rating: C. Decent stuff here but it was basically a squash by Tajiri. Luckily for me Tajiri is one of my favorite ECW guys so I was hardly bored by this. Guido barely got in anything here and Tajiri beat up both him and his lackey with ease. As usual, neither guy is going anywhere though.

RVD is ready for Mike Awesome but wants Sabu first. Rob looks more stoned than usual here. This goes on for like two and a half minutes.

Rhyno/Steve Corino vs. Tommy Dreamer/Josh Wilcox

We start with Corino and Wilcox in three point stances but Corino gets called for offsides. Off to Rhyno who charges into the corner and it’s off to Dreamer. Dreamer gets beaten down immediately and pounded on the floor for a bit. A spinebuster and spear in the corner from Rhyno get two and it’s back to Corino. Tommy punches him in the ribs so it’s right back to Rhyno for more power stuff. A top rope splash misses and Dreamer Gores Rhyno down. There’s the tag to Wilcox who immediately turns on Dreamer, allowing Rhyno to piledrive him for the pin.

Rating: D. So we have a handicap match with a football player making a one off appearance and turning on his partner so the comedy heel’s team can win. This is after we spent twenty minutes on recaps and a feud involving an announcer. Yet people wonder why this show fell apart.

Wilcox rips into his hometown fans because of reasons that I don’t care enough about to remember. Something about fans booing the team or something. Corino calls out Dusty Rhodes who sneaks up on them and pounds away.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Little Spike Dudley

Spike jumps Awesome to start and is immediately slammed down to the floor. Spike fires back but gets whipped into the barricade to keep the champion in control. After a quick brawl in the crowd we head back inside for Awesome to charge into a boot to the face. The champion hits a release German suplex for two and a lifting powerbomb for the same. A table is set up on the floor but Spike manages to bulldog Awesome through it instead.

Spike hits a top rope chair shot to Awesome but the champion is down on the floor. The Acid Drop is countered so Spike hits Awesome in the head with a chair instead. The fourth chair shot to the head in a row gets two but Awesome gets his foot up in the corner to block a charge. A BIG Awesome Bomb puts Spike down but the Awesome Splash gets two. Another table is set up in the corner and a running Awesome Bomb through said table retains the title.

Rating: D+. There was some drama here with the near falls but man alive could you have Spike do ONE SINGLE WRESTLING MOVE? I know he can do them because I’ve seen them use them before, but instead it was nothing but chair shots here. That’s a major reason I don’t like ECW: they thought swinging a chair in a wrestling ring meant wrestling.

Awesome calls out RVD but before he can get to the ring, Sabu jumps him from behind. Mike dives on both guys but only hits Sabu. Van Dam hits a big flip dive to take them both out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Terrible opening third aside, the main event stuff is really taking off at the moment. The match at Living Dangerously looks to be great….and then the next night RVD broke his leg and would be out for three and a half months. That was pretty much the final straw for ECW as they were counting on RVD vs. Awesome to bring in some cash but it never happened due to the injury.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: January 21, 2000
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,850
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

It’s been so long since I did one of these that I had to look up the stories that were going on. Apparently there are no stories because the previous episode was taped before the PPV so nothing new was added after that. We’re less than two months away from Living Dangerously now which focused on something we haven’t gotten to yet. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey do their entrance with Joel mocking Cyrus. This brings out Cyrus to talk about how the office is mad about the fans for some reason but they’re far madder about Joel and Joey. Cyrus goes off on Joel for having heat with the boys and having a stupid name joke to start the show. The next time Gertner defies Cyrus, it won’t end well for Joel. Joey has to hold Joel back as we go to the opening theme.

That opening theme lasts WAY too long.

Here are the Impact Players to open things up as Joel and Joey are still in the ring. Justin says they told us they would win the titles and that’s what they did. The higher ups want them to defend the titles tonight but that’s not happening. This brings out Danny Doring and Roadkill apparently to protest. They demand a title shot tonight but Storm calls them a couple of midcard jobbers. If they can beat a midcard team, they can get the title shot. The team in question is Dreamer/Raven who immediately charge the ring and the match is on.

Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The match is joined in progress after a break with Roadkill getting crotched when taking too long on the top rope. A superplex puts Roadie down and there’s the tag to Raven. Bird Boy cleans house with knee lifts and covers Doring’s face with the snot rag. The drop toehold onto the chair gets two on Roadkill and the Evenflow gets the same on Doring. Everything breaks down and Roadkill is sent out to the floor. Dreamer and Francine set up a table which Dreamer pescados Roadkill through moments later.

Elektra and Francine tease a catfight but Dawn Marie blasts Francine instead. Raven carries Francine to the back, making this a handicap match. Dreamer steps on Doring’s crotch and hits a Death Valley Driver for two. There are a lot of saves in this match so far. A Roadkill powerslam gets two on Dreamer but Tommy hits a Russian legsweep on Doring and a DDT on Roadie at the same time. This brings out Corino, Victory and Rhyno who lay out Dreamer, allowing Doring to hit a top rope elbow drop for the pin.

Rating: C. This was your usual overdone ECW match but at least it was entertaining at some points. This was a combination of wrestling and storyline with Raven walking out on his partner which is similar to Hogan leaving with Liz at Main Event II in 1989. Then again though it wasn’t quite the same level of quality but you get the idea. As usual, this was overbooked though.

The post match beatdown continues with Victory and Corino working over Dreamer. Dusty Rhodes finally comes out (I don’t think this is his debut) and it’s elbows all around. Rhyno comes in and beats Dusty down until Sandman comes through the entrance for the final save. Sandman pours beer into Dreamer’s mouth to revive him.

Super Crazy vs. Tajiri

This is a Mexican death match and we go to a break about 15 seconds in. Back with Tajiri throwing in two more chairs to go with one that was already in the ring. Apparently Crazy is busted open as Tajiri throws in a table. Tajiri tries to slide the chairs along the table to hit Crazy in the head but Crazy keeps ducking to avoid death. With Crazy on the table, Tajiri hits a double stomp onto Crazy but the table doesn’t break. A second attempt finally works and Tajiri follows it up with a HARD kick to the face.

Since this is ECW, Crazy is back up in roughly 8 seconds and hits a top rope Lionsault. We head to the floor and into the crowd for a chair shot to the Japanese head. A moonsault off the bleachers puts Tajiri through another table and we head back to the ring. Tajiri is busted open but comes back with the handspring elbow. Crazy of course no sells it and hits a clothesline to take over again.

Tajiri gets put on the top rope (as in on the rope itself, not in the corner) where Crazy hits a springboard spinwheel kick to knock him down for two. Tajiri pops back up and hits a German suplex for two before going back to the floor. Crazy is sent into the crowd for an Asai moonsault. Back in and Super throws in two tables again, because goodness knows he isn’t going to stay on the mat. Tajiri hits the Mist but FIVE SECONDS LATER Crazy is fine enough to catch a rana attempt out of the corner into a powerbomb through the table for the pin.

Rating: C. This was fun again but MAN ALIVE Crazy brought it down. He pops up from an Asai Moonsault, two top rope double stomps AND Mist to the face? That’s another ECW problem in a nutshell: the wrestling going on isn’t of a very high quality. The no selling was really distracting here and makes Tajiri’s solid offense look lame.

Call the Hotline and hear about the Radicalz leaving ECW. That actually happened.

Living Dangerously is coming!

Here’s Awesome to talk about how he’s going to crush Spike Dudley again. The fans chant for RVD but Awesome says that only his world title matters in ECW. Since he’s the world champion, he’s the Whole F’N Show. This brings out TV Champion RVD who praises Awesome but says that Mike is still just part of the show, but Van Dam IS the show.

Awesome issues a challenge and we get a bell! We also get a blackout and here’s Sabu. Since he’s supposed to help Van Dam, he turns on RVD and it’s a double beatdown. RVD’s manager Fonzie gets put through a table. Spike Dudley tries to come in and gets laid out as well. A top rope splash/legdrop combination puts RVD through a table to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was one of the better shows they’ve had yet. We had major stories advanced and a BIG match set up at the end. That’s how a TV show after a PPV should work but ECW doesn’t often get that right. The wrestling wasn’t much at all but that goes without saying most of the time in ECW. Good stuff here though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW House Party 1996
Date: January 5, 1996
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,150
Commentator: Joey Styles

Great, back to Philly again. This was another request for a show which I don’t remember the reasoning behind. This is from ECW golden era as Heyman was still considered brilliant before he self destructed and messed up everything he had built. I only know a little bit about this time period so it’s hard to say what’s coming. There’s a chance there’s a legendary ECW moment here so if that’s the case I’m looking forward to it. Let’s get to it.

Joey is in the ring to start but can’t even say his own name before Bill Alfonso and the whistle interrupt him. Fonzie says that he hates Styles and wants more interviews for himself and Taz. Joey finally rips into Fonzie and says that he’s ruining everything. They argue some more until Taz comes in and threatens Styles.

911, the 7’0 300lb enforcer of ECW, comes out to save Joey. Promoter Tod Gordon runs out and blasts Fonzie, making Taz go after Gordon. 911 grabs Taz by the throat but referees come out and break it up. The ring is cleared out other than one small guy who Taz suplexes. Joey gets yelled at again so here’s 911 again. A guy that looks like Chris Jericho with black hair runs in and jumps 911, taking out his knee.

Oh it’s Kronus with Saturn, more commonly known as the Eliminators, to beat up 911. This goes on for awhile until Rey Mysterio comes in for the save. This is back when Rey had two good knees and wasn’t roided out of his mind. He flies all over the place and cleans house, sending the Eliminators to the floor and hitting a big moonsault press to take both guys out. We have a match apparently.

Rey Mysterio Jr./911 vs. The Eliminators

Rey vs. Kronus to start with Mysterio flying all over the place and taking out both Eliminators with an armdrag/rana combo. Rey gets sent to the floor and here’s Taz to choke 911 again. The fans chant for Sabu and Taz just lets go. Rey and Kronus have some weapons brought in and everything breaks down. Well, as much as everything can break down in an ECW match.

Total Elimination takes 911 down again and Taz chokes him some more. Saturn (who has long black hair here) powerbombs Rey down but Mysterio comes back with a double DDT. 911 gets back in and Rey gets on his shoulders. It’s time to play some chicken. Rey fakes Saturn out though and jumps into the air, hitting a rana on Kronus off Saturn’s shoulders for the pin. That looked awesome.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much but the Eliminators were nothing more than Total Elimination and matching black hair at this point. Mysterio would be in WCW in about 5 months while 911 would be 911 for the rest of his time in ECW. Nothing to see here but the ending was pretty sweet looking.

Post match the Eliminators take out Mysterio and the Pitbulls run in for the save. Francine, looking good in leather, beats up Jason, the Eliminators’ manager. The Eliminators pull her off Jason and hit Total Elimination on her, basically killing her. Jason gets beaten up as a consolation prize.

Rob Van Dam vs. Axl Rotten

This is Van Dam’s ECW debut. Rotten looks a bit thinner than he would in his more famous days. Rotten runs from a spin kick and then wants a karate fight. We haven’t had any significant contact in the first minute or so here. Rotten gets in a shot and starts pounding away, only to get caught in a Japanese armdrag for one. A chop takes Rotten down for two as Rob is starting to roll. In the match, not joints.

Rotten pokes Rob in the eye and sends him into the buckle to take over. Something we would call the Angle Slam puts Van Dam down and Rotten pounds away in the corner. It’s so strange to see Van Dam getting no fan support like this. Rotten makes some martial arts motions but misses a top rope elbow.

About two people try to start a LET’S GO ROB chant but it doesn’t quite work. Van Dam hits a top rope splash minus the frog aspect for two. Rotten goes to the floor and Rob hits a flip dive to put him down again. Back in and the top rope kick gets two. Rotten pounds away in the corner but misses a charge. Split legged moonsault gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but it’s pretty historic for ECW. It’s always fun to see where guys started, as Rob here was just a guy in a singlet who could jump high in the air. Rotten was better as a tag team guy which we’ll see later on. Other than that, this was just a way to fill in about seven minutes, which was fine.

TV Title: Mikey Whipwreck vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

Mikey won a winner take all match for the TV and Tag Titles over Scorpio a few weeks ago. Through a series of unimportant events, Mikey has accidentally joined Raven’s Nest (the original Flock) which neither the Nest or Mikey wants. Keep that in mind for later. Scorpio has Woman with him but there’s no Cactus, Mikey’s partner, for Mikey to balance things out. Whipwreck is defending if that wasn’t clear.

Scorpio says that Mikey can leave now and avoid a beating, so Mikey hits him with the belt to get us going. Mikey hits another belt shot but Scorpio kicks it back into his face to take over. Whipwreck gets launched into the air and crashes down face first onto the mat. A kick to the head puts Mikey down again and the beating continues. Scorpio talks some trash on a mic and keeps beating the champion up.

Mikey finally hits an enziguri to slow the beating down, followed by a cross body to send Scorpio to the floor. The idea is that Mikey was so used to getting beaten up that he’s not experienced on offense yet. They head to the floor and Mikey keeps pounding away on the back. Back in and Mikey grabs a German suplex for two. A legdrop gets one and 2 Cold has to poke him in the eye to break the momentum.

A powerbomb is countered into a rana by Mikey followed by a jumping kick to the ribs off the top. That looked bad. Scorpio heads to the floor and hits a running chair shot to the head of Whipwreck. Back in and a powerbomb keeps Mikey down. He gets sent into the chair and Scorpio can taste the gold. I wonder if it tastes like chicken. Everything else does. A powerslam sets up a twisting legdrop out of the corner but Mikey gets out at two.

Mikey reverses a bulldog to send Scorpio face first into a chair. He pops Scorpio in the back with the chair a few times, followed by a surfboard. 2 Cold gets up as most of Mikey’s offense doesn’t work that well and hits a Tombstone Powerslam for two. A moonsault hits but Scorpio lets him up, which is what cost him the initial match. Scorpio superplexes him but again lets Mikey up at two.

The Tumbleweed (rotating splash) gets two on Whipwreck again and now Scorpio is getting mad. Mikey grabs a swinging DDT out of nowhere but it only gets two. A top rope rana puts Scorpio down but he rolls to the floor before he gets covered. Mikey hits a BIG dive off the top and over the barricade to take Scorpio down again. Back in and Scorpio kicks Mikey’s head off to take over. Scorpio hits a belly to back superplex but the referee gets hit in the process. Cue Raven who DDTs Mikey, allowing Scorpio to hit a moonsault into a legdrop for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. This was pretty good overall and the best match on the card by a few miles so far. Mikey could sell like a master but his offense never quite worked. He was a character designed around making the fans feel sorry for him and therefore care about him, but it doesn’t do much in one shots like this one. Scorpio was his usual high flying awesome self.

Taz vs. Hack Myers

Speaking of guys that are only good for the live crowd, I give you Hack Myers. He’s a biker that doesn’t do much other than punch and he’s called the Shah of Hardcore for no apparent reason. Fonzie comes out in a Dallas Cowboys jersey, making him more awesome than anything on this show so far. Myers works on the arm for a bit but Taz throws him down like a fly. You know, because you often throw over flies.

Joey talks about “these Ultimate Fighting PPVs” which have inspired guys like Taz. Taz rolls him down to the mat and puts on a hold of some sort on the neck. Myers sends him into the corner and elbows him in the back of the head to take over. Taz is like screw that and takes him down with a judo throw. Some more punches are countered by a T-Bone Tazplex followed by a head and arms Tazplex. A German Tazplex sets up the Tazmission for the tap.

Rating: D. Taz was pretty awesome with those suplexes but he needed more to work with here. Myers was a hometown favorite but man was he boring to watch for non-ECW fans. Taz would run through ECW for the next year or so before facing Sabu in the real main event of Barely Legal.

Post match Taz says he’s going on a Path of Rage through ECW and no one is stopping him. That was pretty much correct.

Jimmy Del Ray vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Del Ray is one half of the Heavenly Bodies but Tom Pritchard has been sent to the WWF as Zip in the Body Donnas, so Del Ray has Mr. Hughes with him now to try to give him something to do. Sign Guy Dudley has a Sign Off with the Sign Guy in the front row. Moving on. Bubba can’t say his name which was his gimmick back then, so Del Ray jumps him to start. Bubba pounds him into the corner and comes back with a dropkick (yes you read that right) and it’s time for a dance off!

Bubba seems to win so Del Ray jumps him and pounds away. Neckbreaker gets two. Del Ray, as well as Pritchard for that matter, never really did anything for me although I haven’t seen a lot of their SMW stuff which is their most famous work. Del Ray’s whip into the corner is reversed and the big fat Bubba hits a corner splash but Del Ray hits him low.

A tornado DDT gets two for Jimmy and he’s getting frustrated because his minute and a half of offense didn’t work. Dudley tries the Bubba Bomb (a powerbomb, not the full nelson kind) but Mr. Hughes distracts him, which to be fair isn’t that hard to do. Del Ray hits Bubba again but as he tries a backdrop, Bubba DDTs him for the pin. Bubba would get better to say the least. Too short to rate but this was nothing.

Post match a brawl breaks out and Mr. Hughes yells about the Dudleys and Bubba’s inability to speak English in particular….and here’s Shane Douglas. He’s returning to ECW after being Dean Douglas in the WWF and the fans ERUPT. He’s doing a parody of the teacher, making fun of the English of Bubba. Shane does the Triple Threat sign and says things are going to be fixed around here. Shane hits Bubba and that’s about it. What an odd way to return for a big name in ECW.

At this point there would be a match with the Bad Breed vs. JT Smith and Tony Stetson but apparently it wasn’t on the home video. It went to a no contest, apparently due to the Bad Breed half murdering them.

We now get to the very famous segment from this show. Dancing Stevie Richards comes out along with Blue Meanie and Beaulah. Stevie says he’s no longer Dancing Stevie but rather Studly Stevie, the King of Swing. He talks about Missy Hyatt wanting him which is the result of them kissing on Hardcore TV recently. He makes fun of the American Males which shows you the level of references they’re reaching here.

Joey makes fun of Richards for wasting TV time like this. Stevie points out that Raven isn’t here and talks about how Raven was at a concert in early December. Raven started partying that night and he’s just now coming down. During that span, Beaulah has been neglected by Raven so Richards is going to kiss her to make up for it. She says no and that she doesn’t want to be touched. Richards says it’s because she’s Raven’s girl but she says it’s because she’s pregnant. Joey freaking out by that is pretty funny stuff.

Raven comes out and yells at her, saying the pills say one day at a time. We get the next bombshell as Beaulah says it’s not Raven’s. Raven blasts Richards but she says it’s not his either. She says it’s Tommy’s and Raven freaks. Dreamer runs out and destroys Raven, hitting him with whatever he can find, including a sign with a stop sign hidden inside.

Then in one of the more bizarre moments in ECW history (which is saying a lot) a fan hands Tommy a blueberry pie which Raven gets piledriven onto. You know, because when you come to a wrestling show, you bring blueberry pie with you. Dreamer and Beaulah leave together as this feud continues.

ECW World Title: Sandman vs. Konnan

Sandman is defending. Woman is with Sandman and is in a different dress than earlier tonight. Sandman has an abbreviated entrance here, only taking four and a half minutes to get into the ring. This is back when Konnan was young and awesome. Awesome to the point that he would be on Nitro in less than three weeks. The champ stalls a lot as the fans boo Konnan for some reason. Oh it’s because he sold out after being in ECW for just a few months.

Konnan takes him down by the arm and works over the champ’s legs. With the legs tied up, he hooks a suplex head grip and cranks away on Sandman in a cool submission. Sandman accidentally falls into a counter (Joey’s words) and it’s a standoff. Konnan takes him right back to the mat in a rolling neck lock. Even Joey doesn’t know what to call it. Sandman actually tries to sit out with Konnan and they head to the floor.

Back in and a clothesline takes Konnan down as Sandman finally gets in some offense. Konnan kicks him in the face and speeds things up again. Sandman throws him to the floor and hits a plancha to crush Konna against the railing. Both guys are down now which is about the last thing they needed to do at this point. Konnan hits him in the head with a chair but Sandman elbows him in the head.

Konnan gets draped over the barricade and Sandman is in control after finally taking it to a place where he has some skill. They head into the crowd for a few seconds and then back inside the ring. Sandy pounds away and Konnan is cut open. Konnan gets sent into the post and we head outside again. Sandman throws a table onto Konnan and the three of them (table included) head back inside.

Sandman can’t superplex Konnan through the table and is thrown through it himself. Woman slaps Konnan, allowing Sandman to hit him in the head with a kendo stick. Rey Mysterio comes out and hands Konnan a cane of his own. Konnan gets in some shots with the cane but Sandman fires back. They both collapse and Woman pulls Sandman to his feet to beat the ten count (which should have ended when he was on his feet) and win the match.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t all that impressed here and the ending hurt it a lot. The other problem here was that with it being known that Konnan was leaving, he wasn’t a threat to take the title at all. Also this was before Sandman really had developed the limited in ring skills he would acquire, so this was a lot more of a fight than anything else. Nothing to see here but Konnan’s submissions weren’t bad.

Sabu vs. Stevie Richards

Richards slips getting into the ring and falls on his face. He also has a bad arm coming into this. Richards runs to start and throws in a chair. Yeah, throw a chair to Sabu. Joey agrees with me, saying that it’s like handing a chainsaw to Leatherface. Sabu has enough of the standing around so he hits a suicide dive to take over. Back inside and Sabu hooks a chinlock but Stevie powerbombs him out of the corner to take over.

Sabu will have none of that and comes back with a slingshot flipping legdrop. Off to an armbar of all things but it only lasts a few seconds. Richards is placed on the top rope and with the help of a chair, Sabu “hits” Air Sabu to knock him to the floor. Sabu slams him to the floor and both guys are down. Richards gets sent into the railing and Sabu sets up a table. Blue Meanie saves Stevie and we head back inside.

Sabu gets caught in an electric chair position but he rolls Richards over the top and out to the floor. This show needs to hurry up and end because it’s REALLY dragging badly now. Richards head fakes Sabu and the crazy one goes through the table. That would be the crazy one Sabu in case you were confused. Meanie gets in a kick on Sabu and they head inside again. Stevie drops a top rope punch for two as we see that he’s not the best on offense.

A Frankensteiner gets two for Sabu and both guys are spent. Richards is sent to the floor and Sabu finally dives over the top with a slingshot rana onto Meanie. Richards gets a horribly botched one of his own from Sabu and the guy in the bright yellow pants takes over again. Richards is placed on a table but Meanie makes the save.

Paul E of all people comes out to beat up Meanie and Sabu hits a dive through Richards through the table. Back inside and that only gets two as this match just keeps going. Richards rolls him up for two and hits the Stevie Kick for another two. A Sabu DDT gets the same and it’s chair time again. Sabu goes up and hits the Atomic Arabian Facebuster (flip leg drop with the chair) to get a pretty anti-climactic pin.

Rating: C-. This just kept going and going and it was only decent to begin with. Sabu would be pushed much harder over the next few months as he would feud with Taz while Richards would somehow get into the world title #1 contenders match at Barely Legal. This wasn’t awful but it dragged a lot which really hurt it.

Public Enemy vs. The Gangstas

This is Public Enemy’s last match before they head to WCW as well. The Public Enemy is Johnny Grunge and Rocco Rock while the Gangstas are Mustafa Saed and New Jack. It’s a big dance party to start before Public Enemy says that they love it here and that this is their house. The fans aren’t sure if they want to chant “you’ll be back” or “you sold out”. Now Jack runs his mouth about WCW and Harlem Heat and all that jazz. Sensational Sherri is a ho apparently.

It’s a big brawl to start and did you really expect anything else? Jack immediately busts grunge open and beats on him with what looks like a whip. Rock and Saed get back in and Rock is choked with something. An iron, as in the thing you get wrinkles out with, is brought in and goes upside Rock’s head. Now it goes onto Jack’s head for two. Public Enemy takes over and we’ve got a lot of blood already.

Grunge DDTs Mustafa for no cover before sending him to the floor. Mustafa is put on the tbale and there’s a big flip dive by Rock through Mustafa through said table. We go into the crowd with Grunge hammering away on Jack. Mustafa busts out a spinning toe hold on Rocco of all things but gets caught in a small package for two. Jack piledrives Grunge on the floor and goes up onto a balcony for a splash. This is just mindless violence at this point.

A loaf of bread is used as a weapon. I hope it was white because if you bring in whole wheat…..I don’t even want to think of that kind of carnage. They head back to ringside as we have a pie used. Rock is placed on a table in the ring and Saed hits a Vader Bomb through it, allowing Grunge to cover Saed for two. Everyone gets back inside now and it’s time for another table.

Jack and Grunge head to the floor again and a can of soda is used upside Jack’s head. Rock moonsaults Saed through the table but can’t cover. Saed suplexes Rock down but Grunge comes in to beat on him. A reverse DDT by Grunge sets up a modified Swanton Bomb from Rock (The Drive By) for the pin on Saed to send Public Enemy out on a high note.

Rating: D+. This was ECW’s signature stuff: mindless violence and destruction. This isn’t my taste but the fans in Philly ate it up. Speaking of eating, what was with all the food used in this match? Did a bakery open up in the ECW Arena that I wasn’t told about? Either way this wasn’t awful but it was what it was: a big brawl which is how Public Enemy should have gone out.

Rock thanks the fans and invites everyone into the ring for one last dance to end the show. They would be back in about three years.

Overall Rating: D. This certainly wasn’t the worst ECW show I’ve ever seen, but it felt like one of the longest. The good stuff here does exist but at the same time a lot of these matches went on WAY longer than they needed to, namely Sabu vs. Richards. This was also a show where you could see a lot of transition for ECW, as a ton of people were leaving but a lot of big names were arriving, such as RVD and the returning Shane Douglas. Not the worst ECW show ever, but it’s just not my taste at all.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

WWA: The Revolution
Date: February 24, 2002
Location: Aladdin Casino Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 2,800
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Mark Madden

This is the second of five PPVs these guys did and this time they’re stateside. Also they’re not taped this time, but I’m not sure how close to live this is. The major new name in town is Eddie Guerrero, who was released from the WWF for drunk driving in late 2001. Another name here is Grandmaster Sexay who is somehow getting a world title match tonight. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the main event was supposed to be Savage vs. Jarrett but Savage isn’t there. Neither is Road Dogg who was in the main event of the first show. Oh this doesn’t bode well.

We open with some band singing a rock song about Revolution. Apparently it’s Tantric, who I think has done some stuff for TNA.

Here’s Andre McManus to welcome us to the show and tell us that Savage won’t be there. Again, why does this take so long?

Opening sequence, which is basically a video recap of the last show.

Apparently this is indeed live. Ok then.

Nova vs. Low Ki vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Shark Boy vs. Low Ki

Elimination rules here and no one gets an entrance. It’s probably a good thing that they have to tag here. Styles vs. Mamaluke to start and they trade arm control. The camera keeps changing angles and it’s getting annoying. Mamaluke is bleeding from the nose as he hits a German to send AJ down onto his shoulder. Shark Boy comes in to fight Tony and gets clotheslined down.

Nova is standing on the floor, drinking water. Shark Boy hits an atomic drop and bites the place where his knee went. Off to Low Ki who gets atomic dropped as well, but comes back with a kick to Shark Boy’s head before he gets bitten. Daniels vs. Low Ki now and you know the strikes are coming here. A Capo Kick staggers Daniels and Nova gets tagged so hard that he spills his drink.

Apparently Nova is a businessman now. I’ve never seen a businessman in workout pants and no shirt but whatever. He works on Daniels’ arm a bit before it’s back to Low Ki. A double gordbuster puts Daniels down and it’s off to Mamaluke. There are the kicks from Low Ki and a double suplex by Ki and Sharky, but there was no tag so Shark Boy’s cover gets no count.

Things start to break down a bit as Sharky Boy and Mamaluke go to the floor for some dives. They wind up in the crowd (which is carpeted) as AJ pounds on Nova in the ring. Nova hooks a modified Crossface which goes nowhere because they’re not legal. Shark Boy hits a top rope rana on Mamaluke for two, even though the referee’s hand hit the mat three times. Low Ki comes in and hits a cartwheel kick on the distracted Shark Boy for the first elimination.

Off to AJ vs. Low Ki as the camera angles start to show a few details about the “arena”. There’s no ramp that I can see, and all of the seats are opposite the screen. I believe they’re in a theater, which is a really weird visual and atmosphere. Low Ki hits a HARD kick to the head (I’m shocked) but AJ comes back with forearms to the head. Both guys hit cross bodies so it’s off to Mamaluke vs. Daniels.

An STO kills Mamaluke who is a bloody mess. Daniels loads up the BME (I think) but Styles breaks it up for no apparent reason. AJ gets knocked down (I think. The camera direction here is a nightmare) so Mamaluke hits a belly to back off the top for two. Daniels hits the Angel’s Wings for no cover, instead tagging in Styles for the Clash to get us down to four people.

Nova comes in with a backbreaker on Styles for two before it’s back to Daniels vs. Styles. Even before TNA existed this was happening a lot. Styles tags in Low Ki who strikes away even harder on Daniels. Low Ki charges into a spinning electric chair of all things and a top rope elbow from Nova gets two on the kicking dude. Nova goes up and gets crotched, but as Low Ki goes up, he gets elbowed down into the Tree of Woe. Low Ki sits up and pulls Nova down into a rear naked choke while they’re both upside down.

Daniels comes in and is immediately thrown out, followed by everyone going to the floor. Daniels dives onto Low Ki so Styles hits a Shooting Star Press to the floor. This camera work is REALLY annoying as it either keeps cutting away or it has awkward shots of everything. Back in the ring, Low Ki loads up a rana on Nova, but Daniels runs the corner and hits a top rope Rock Bottom on Low Ki for the elimination.

Nova dropkicks Daniels to the floor so it’s Styles vs. Nova legally I guess. AJ is busted too. Everyone is in now and Daniels kicks Nova down and AJ gets two off a neckbreaker to Christopher. Daniels takes AJ down and hits the BME for two. There’s a dragon sleeper to AJ but Nova hooks a standing Last Chancery on Daniels at the same time. Nova grabs Daniels from behind but Styles sunset flips Nova, sending Daniels flying in the suplex.

AJ shoves Nova off the top and counters Daniels’ rana into a middle rope Styles Clash to get us down to one on one. A pair of rollups get two for Nova, as does a Downward Spiral. AJ gets two of his own off a German and Tessmacher’s current finisher (Tesshocker if you’re a big wrestling geek like me). They both go up with Nova hitting a C4 off the top (flipping Downward Spiral) for the final pin. Not much build to that.

Rating: B. Take six young and small guys, throw them in one match, let them have fun. AJ and Low Ki looked like the stars here, which they would be for all intents and purposes. Nova was already a name, Mamaluke never went anywhere, Shark Boy would become a cult favorite, and Daniels would become a decent sized star of his own right. Still though, fun match and AJ looked good in it, which shouldn’t shock anyone.

The announcers talk a bit, including mentioning that Scott Steiner is returning to the ring tonight.

Here’s Commissioner Bret Hart. His entrance takes WAY longer than it should but they’ve got a lot of time to fill in I guess. He says he never expected to be in a ring again, so thanks for having him. Bret talks about how there’s a combination of established names and young guns here tonight and it’s going to be a great show. As for the main event, there’s no Randy Savage. Of all people, he picks BRIAN CHRISTOPHER to main event the show with Jarrett. Good freaking grief. Does the name EDDIE GUERRERO mean nothing to you?

Bret goes into a strange discussion of 9/11 and says he considered himself a North American. Those people (the terrorists) don’t speak to the world, and that’s why he’s a part of this company. Now he’s talking about the Canadian hockey team, drawing boos. Now he says go take out Bin Laden. What in the world was he thinking when he was talking here? I know he’s not a promo guy, but this was BIZARRE.

Allan Funk, arguably more famous as Kwee Wee, is doing a bad Hogan imitation and talking to two midget wrestlers about how he’ll teach people to drop a leg on someone.

Alan Funk vs. Reno

Funk does the full on Hogan bit here and while he looks like Hogan (minus 6 inches or so), this isn’t exactly hilarious. Reno was an intense guy from WCW in 2000. Funk hits a release powerbomb drop and rips his shirt off. A kind of slam (more like a faceplant) gets two for Funk but Reno blocks a suplex to take over. Reno pounds away for a bit and hits an overhead belly to belly (kind of. Funk landed on his shoulder). Funk comes back with a slingshot sunset flip for two but Reno clotheslines him down.

Off to the chinlock by Reno, followed by a suplex for two. Funk Hulks Up but Reno ducks the big boot and punches Funk down. Reno Rolls the Dice (Cross Rhodes) but doesn’t cover. Instead he goes up and jumps into Funk’s boot because the script calls for Funk to make a comeback here. He pounds Reno down, hits a piledriver and drops the leg for the pin. Apparently he’s the Funkster.

Rating: D. And……so? Reno was nothing, Funk was nothing, the Hogan imitation has been done WAY better before (Showster for instance), and the match wasn’t any good. Funk would go on to be Women’s Champion in TNA and Reno would more or less disappear off the face of the Earth. I don’t think a search party was ever sent for him either.

Scott Steiner arrives with about six chicks.

Disco Inferno comes out to complain about not getting to face Brian Christopher tonight. He’s going to issue an open challenge for later but for now he’s jumping in on commentary. They banter for a few minutes.

Kronik vs. Native Blood

No idea who the jobbers are here but they’ve got an Indian gimmick. Kronik (Adams and Clark) destroy the jobbers before the bell, then proceed to destroy them after the bell. They pound on each other on the floor, followed by a full nelson shove down to the fat Indian in the ring. Now Clark pounds away as this is going badly already. A release Rock Bottom puts the less fat Indian guy. Native Blood comes back with a double dropkick on Clark, so Adams comes in with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Clark hits the Meltdown (pump handle powerslam) for two and High Times (double chokeslam) ends one of the jobbers.

Rating: D-. This was a five minute squash. What in the world are we supposed to get out of something like this? Clark and Adams had a horrible run for about a week in WWE and this is more or less the last time anyone say them. The jobbers were exactly what their names suggest: there to get beaten up. Nothing to see here and it was sloppy on top of that.

Terry Taylor talks to one of the midgets and it’s that idiot Puppet from TNA. This turns into a rendition of God Bless America.

Girls dance.

Tio vs. Puppet

They’re hardcore midgets (Yeah I know. I’m not always politically correct. Get over it) and they start fighting on the ramp. Madden keeps cracking jokes that the crowd can hear so the audience is laughing during violence. Tio puts Puppet in a garbage can and beats on him with a chair. Puppet is down on the ground and Tio actually goes up top for a splash to the floor. That gets two on the floor because this is a hardcore match.

They head inside as Disco and Madden are riffing on the match like crazy. Puppet comes back with a powerslam for two followed by a Jackhammer for the same. A guy that looks like Rikishi yells at Puppet from the front row as the place is silent other than when Madden cracks a joke. Puppet hooks a reverse Boston Crab (Tio is in the regular position but Puppet is shoving Tio’s legs forward instead of pulling back on them) which doesn’t last that long.

Tio comes back with middle rope punches and a middle rope rana….which gets two for Puppet for some reason. Tio sends him into a trashcan but misses a Swanton off the top. They head to the stage with Puppet pulling out a bag of thumbtacks. A Death Valley Driver onto said tacks ends Tio.

Rating: D+. I usually hate these things but this one at least seemed like they were trying. Puppet would go on to be VERY annoying in TNA, making Horny seem like the most entertaining character in years. This wasn’t much of a match, but at least they had some effort and some of the jokes weren’t bad.

Immediately after the pin, here’s Scott Steiner to destroy both guys. Steiner runs his mouth for a bit and grabs Disco Inferno for a match.

Disco Inferno vs. Scott Steiner

Total dominance by Steiner that ends with the Steiner Recliner in about two minutes. Disco got in as much offense as a career comedy character would on a big name power guy.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Psychosis vs. Eddie Guerrero

Psychosis won the title at a house show since the last PPV. The mic is broken so we hear “ladies and gentlemen” about six times before the entrances get going, and even then they have to go very fast to catch up with the wrestlers. They grab a three way lockup to start and everybody hits everybody else. This is one fall to a finish. Eddie sends Juvy to the floor but Psychosis sends them both out there and hits a big flip dive to take them both out.

Back in and Juvy gets two off a top rope spinwheel kick on the champ. The camera work continues to SUCK as it’s all over the place, which is weird when there are only three people to watch. Psychosis misses a charge into the corner and the sound when he hits the post is SICK. Juvy gets two off a super rana on Eddie before walking into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Eddie hits a brainbuster on Psychosis for two before getting thrown to the floor.

The luhadores fight in the ring with Juvy getting two off a facebuster. Guerrero gets back in and gets chopped against the ropes by the champ. He comes back with a suplex on Psychosis as this keeps going all over the place. To say there’s not much chemistry here is an understatement. Juvy kicks Eddie low to break up a German suplex as the match continues to slow down.

Guerrera heads to the floor as Psychosis works on Eddie’s leg. Juvy comes back in and drops a leg for two. The crowd is DEAD for this. The guys keep stumbling from spot to spot and there’s no flow or story in this match at all. Eddie gets double suplexed to the floor and Juvy hits Rey’s sitout bulldog for two. Eddie avoids a double dropkick and everyone is down.

Psychosis gets put on top by Eddie but Juvy superplexes Guerrero down. Psychosis legdrops both guys but both challengers save the other. Juvy bulldogs both guys for two each and gets the same on Psychosis off a DDT. Eddie decks Guerrera, shoves Psychosis off the top and hits the Frog Splash on the champ for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. This was AWFUL. There was zero chemistry here at all and the match wasn’t entertaining. I don’t know if it was rust from Eddie or that Juvy and Psychosis turned into hacks once they left WCW and stopped caring, but this was a terrible match. Eddie would be back in WWE in like two months anyway and would never lose that title.

Eddie rips on the fans for chanting WHAT post match. He rants about his personal issues until Jerry Lynn comes out to complain. Lynn would be another guy that has more business in the main event than Christopher by the way. They argue and then brawl. Both guys came off as heels here, with Eddie getting on the fans and Jerry making fun of Eddie for being a drug addict. Lynn survives a beating and takes Eddie out.

More dancing chicks.

Sabu vs. Devon Storm

No DQ, because neither guy is seemingly capable of doing a regular match. Sabu works on the arm to start in a token wrestling sequence. Storm (called Chris, his real first name, by Borash) hits a German suplex on Sabu but the Arabian from Michigan hits a springboard leg lariat. They head to the floor to get to the part that they’re on the card for. They load up the steps and Storm tries to suplex Sabu off of them, but Sabu lands on the ropes and falls back onto the steps. This is getting bad already.

Back in and Sabu is bleeding and in control. There’s the camel clutch and Storm looks asleep. Sabu lets go, allowing Devon to come back with a headscissors and legdrop (popular move tonight) for two. A northern lights suplex gets two more for Storm and we hit the chinlock. After more boring stuff they head to the floor for Air Sabu against the barricade.

Fonzie (Sabu’s manager) loads up a table but Storm drops Sabu onto the barricade. He drops him onto the steps as well as this keeps going. Storm tries a sunset bomb over the top and through the table. Instead, Storm’s foot hits but doesn’t break the table and Sabu doesn’t hit the table at all. Storm (called Crowbar here) breaks up an Asai Moonsault attempt through the table but gets caught by a legdrop back inside.

The first chair is brought in and goes upside Storm’s head. Air Sabu hits in the corner and Storm lands on the chair. Storm breaks up the Triple Jump Moonsault by sending Sabu face first into the chair. A Death Valley Driver onto the chair has Sabu mostly dead but it only gets two. A splash gets the same for Devon and there’s a slam onto the chair. Storm hits a slingshot flipping legdrop onto the chair onto Sabu’s face for two.

We head to the floor again because why not do it, and there’s a pescado by Storm. Storm hits a splash off the apron and drops Sabu onto the barricade (it only took two tries to get it right). Back in the ring Sabu blocks a powerbomb onto two chairs and hits a suplex onto the chairs instead. Arabian Facebuster with the chair hits….and there’s no cover. Sabu goes up and Storm pelts a chair at him.

Fonzie sets up another table, this one up against the barricade. Storm is placed against the table and according to the first law of wrestling, Sabu misses the dive through it. Back in and Storm hits a Mindbender (front suplex) for two. FOR THE LOVE OF FREAKING GOODNESS END THE MATCH ALREADY! A frog splash gets two more for Storm and the go up again because this hasn’t gone on enough. Sabu counters a belly to back superplex into a cross body for two.

They go up top for like the 84^th time and Sabu shoves him off for no apparent reason. Sabu tries a rana but Storm counters into a rollup….AND FREAKING FONZIE PULLS THE REFEREE OUT. Sabu dives on both of them again and hits a something back in the ring. No idea what it was because the stupid camera angle missed it, but apparently it was beautiful according to JB. Considering JB booked this show, I have a feeling he’s lying. Fonzie hits Sabu in the head with the most clearly choreographed chair shot by mistake and Storm rolls him up for the win at TWENTY MINUTES AND THIRTY EIGHT SECONDS.

Rating: S. As in Seven. As in Seven People. As in Steve Austin, Chris Jericho, Hulk Hogan, HHH, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels and Brock Lesnar. These are the seven people that the WWE felt were capable of having one on one matches this long on PPV (and two of them were inside the Cell). Think about that. Guys like the Rock, Benoit, Angle, Edge and Rey Mysterio weren’t trusted with matches that long, but SABU AND DEVON STORM WERE??? This match alone brings the whole show down at least a letter.

Post match, Sabu puts Storm through a table off the big screen, because this hasn’t gotten enough time yet.

The West Hollywood Blondes do gay things because that’s funny right?

Here’s LARRY FREAKING ZBYSZKO with something to say. Larry talks about the only interesting thing he did as a wrestler ever: feuding with Bruno back in 1980. Then he talks about his career back in 1972, because EVERYONE wants to hear about this. Oh apparently Vince sucks. That’s what this is about: Vince sucks. Jericho is called too short to be believed as a world champion and he wants to fight Vince in a match. Larry rants some more and I just don’t care. ANOTHER ten minutes plus wasted here.

West Hollywood Blondes vs. Rick Steiner/Ernest Miller

Miller says if they lose to the girly men, he’ll kiss Madden in a fat area. Since they wasted so much time with Bret talking about hockey, Larry wasting our time, and SABU GETTING TWENTY FIVE MINUTES TOTAL, this lasts a minute with Miller kicking Lenny in the head for the pin.

Miller yells at Madden post match but there’s only one match left so I don’t care. Granted I didn’t care anyway but now I’ve got a reason to.

WWA World Title: Brian Christopher vs. Jeff Jarrett

I’ve complained about Christopher enough so far. Christopher makes gay jokes about Jarrett to start but says he wants to death. Jarrett tosses him around to start and there’s the strut. Christopher comes back with a clothesline to send Jeff to the floor….and then he lowers his pants. A neckbreaker puts Jarrett right back on the floor as we’re firmly in a Memphis formula: do a move, play to the crowd a lot, then do another move and play to them more.

They fight into the crowd, and by fight I mean punch once and walk a lot, and we lose track of them. Brian gets a drink thrown in his face and Jeff chokes him a bit. We finally get back to ringside with Brian shaking off everything that’s been done to him so far. A charge misses in the corner and Brian gets crotched. Naturally, Jarrett poses. A cross body gets two for Brian and it’s off to a sleeper from Jeff.

After nearly two minutes of that, Brian hooks his own sleeper for a few seconds. A kick puts Jeff down and an enziguri (clearly missing by about six inches) gets two. Tornado DDT gets two more and they head to the floor. Brian superkicks a referee by mistake and we head back in. Christopher “hits” a guillotine legdrop for two from a replacement referee…and the referees start fighting. Jeff wins with a guitar shot and Stroke on the belt (there was a referee brawl in between the moves).

Rating: D. Standard match that really was a big brawl with some wrestling moves thrown in. In other words, the WCW main event formula minus five run-ins. Christopher was never believable as a main event threat here because HE’S FREAKING BRIAN CHRISTOPHER. Nothing to see here but it was probably the best match of the second half of the show.

Overall Rating: F-. There was a good opener and those guys are all exempt from what I’m about to say. Actually so are the midgets because they were at least trying. THIS SHOW SUCKED! If someone doesn’t show up, that’s understandable. It’s not optimal but it happens.

That being said, USE YOUR FREAKING HEADS and don’t put a comedy tag team wrestler in the world title match when you have names like Jerry Lynn, Sabu, Eddie Guerrero, Rick Steiner (yes, even he would be better), Scott Steiner, or even Nova because he won the opener available to go out there and be MUCH more believable as a threat to Jarrett.

No, instead we had Sabu and Devon Storm using the same spots (count the splashes by Storm) and blown spots all over the place (count the botches in the twenty minute monstrosity) and a minute long match between a random pair of WCW guys with zero history at all and Bret Hart rambling about being a North American and Larry wanting to fight Vince. Eddie coming in was kind of a big deal, but his match SUCKED because Psychosis and Juvy both dogged it all night. NOTHING to see here after the opener and this promotion is in big trouble.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Guilty As Charged 2000
Date: January 9, 2000
Location: Boutwell Memorial Auditorium, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 4,700
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

To show you where this company was at this point, Spike Dudley is in the main event fighting Mike Awesome for the world title. What does that tell you? The company was on life support at this point with WWF beating the heck out of everyone and WCW just generally sucking. Other than that we have the Impact Players vs. Dreamer and Raven. That’s about it. Oh and RVD vs. Sabu in what I’m sure will be forgettable. Let’s get to it.

ECW’s video game is the sponsor, resulting in a massive logo on the mat. That could get annoying. Joey points out that Cyrus’ headset isn’t plugged into anything. So that’s where Otunga got the idea from. Gertner of course shows up for like the 9th PPV in a row. He makes sex jokes, Joey asks if that’s all he’s there for, Joel says he made his joke, got a pop, is more over than Cyrus, is getting laid later, and has already gotten paid. Was there a point in this at all?

Theme song.

CW Anderson vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Anderson is allegedly Arn’s son or nephew or whatever. It’s an easy way to get a guy over. Heck Ricky Steamboat got his name by pretending to be the son of a local guy named Sam Steamboat so this is fine. He’s also the enforcer of the new Dangerous Alliance with Lou E. Dangerously. It more or less sucked but it was a midcard stable so I can’t complain about that much.

And now Lou wants to talk. Ok his imitation is pretty good. Whipwreck fights off a double team and hits a nice spot where he grabs Anderson in a wheelbarrow and slams his ribs onto the railing. I love that. Anderson works on the arm like a true Anderson would so at least the mythology for lack of a better term is there. Mikey hits a NICE clothesline off the top.

When I say nice I mean it didn’t look that professional, but it looked realistic which a lot of the time is the most important to me. I’d rather have it look like a normal person executing a move than looking well trained and choreographed etc, but that’s just me. Mikey hits the Whippersnapper but the referee gets pulled out. A cell phone shot sets up the Anderson Spinebuster for the pin.

Rating: C+. This felt like a TV match but it came off pretty well. If nothing else it gives the stable a credible win and Mikey was great at getting the crowd into his matches. While not the best match in the world, this was decent enough as an opener.

Joey and Cyrus talk for a bit and you can tell they get along well behind the scenes.

Simon Diamond/Roadkill/Danny Doring vs. Nova/Jazz/Kid Kash

Simon and his valet get and likely deserve gay jokes that are made about them. Elektra, Doring and Roadkill’s manager was always one of my favorites. This was a midcard feud that went on forever and never really went anywhere. Kid Kash was based on Kid Rock. Yeah that’s not dated at all.

Oddly enough though, Rock wound up at a Mania and I don’t think Kash ever did. That’s very amusing. They say Mitch is like Conan O’Brien but with a worse haircut. Elektra does the Pec Dance. Oh dear. Jazz still gets no reaction. When Kid Kash gets a better reaction than you, you’re in trouble. Hey we’re actually starting! We’re getting wrestling in ECW! I don’t believe it! Ok that’s not fair.

Jazz and Doring start us off and Not Chyna is in trouble. Aww I wanted to see Roadkill vs. Jazz. Roadkill is a guy that is better than he’s made out to be I think. ECW’s camerawork is just atrocious. It’s all over the place and they miss SO much. Jazz hits the X Factor, her finisher, and when I say hits I mean his head never actually hits the mat, but Dick Hertz is back to do nothing at all.

I hate the lack of pads. There’s a difference between tough and stupid and dives onto concrete are stupid. So Jazz, Diamond and Kash are gone so it’s the future tag champions vs. Nova. Nova hits a DDT that they say will be on TV tomorrow night. That would imply someone is watching this show so he’s safe. This is one sided obviously since it’s 2-1.

In a funny spot Doring goes into Nova’s corner and pretends to be his partner and punches him when he reaches for a tag. Chris Chetti who is still injured at this point comes down to be the partner. He even hits a pescado and takes out the fat man. And now everybody dives over the top. Nova does it, Doring does it, the referee does it. Seriously it’s ECW did you expect anything else?

Doring and Nova fight on the top rope and Nova just falls to the floor. No mats remember. That’s such a scary bump. A top rope splash from Roadkill ends it. Post match two guys named the Dupps come out and beat up everyone until Nova and Doring make the save.

Rating: D+. Not bad but of course it’s a massive mess. These guys feuded forever and this is just another chapter in it. I don’t think they ever went past this spot on the card but you got two decent teams out of it. Not bad but not great.

Mike Awesome and his manager cut an interview that I can barely hear because of the crowd cheering for Elektra in the ring. Oh it’s about Spike.

Spike cuts probably the best promo of his career, “breaking character” saying he’s going to hurt Mike Awesome tonight and yelling at a production guy who tells him to stay in character. He says he’s not an actor and drops a lot of F bombs. Better than it sounds.

Yoshihiro Tajiri/???vs. Super Crazy/???

This is a dream partner tag match and allegedly Jerry Lynn and Tajiri are working together and Lynn will be the partner of Tajiri. Steve Corino is here with Tajiri and is starting to look like his familiar self, mainly due to his beard. He talks to the audience before the match and they HATE him. Corino picks Crazy as Tajiri’s partner, and here’s Little Guido for no apparent reason.

He’s mad at Corino (take a number) for not picking him. IT’S THE BOSS! Heyman makes a rare appearance and is more over than anyone else likely is. We get about our 9th F Bomb in less than an hour. Guido has a partner (he was in the match?) tonight (make that ten) and it’s Jerry Lynn. Heyman censors New F’ing Show. Why? Whatever, at least it’s almost over.

Yoshihiro Tajiri/Super Crazy vs. Jerry Lynn/Little Guido

It’s like they wanted to do a four way dance and they just forgot how to book it. So Tajiri and Crazy were going to pick their own dream tag partners and Guido is mad that Corino didn’t pick him to be Tajiri’s partner so Heyman inserted him and Lynn together into a team together to fight Tajiri and Crazy as Tajiri picked him opponent as his partner. No explanation given as to why he did that but whatever.

We get some nice technical stuff to start us out so I’m happy. This was more or less the Cruiserweight division as they kept having meaningless matches that ran together really badly, but to be fair there are two TV Champions and a World Champion in this. This is more or less all of them doing all of their stiff strikes on each other. I can work with that.

What would an ECW show be without a fairly solid botch? Let’s break out those high spots people! We’re into the crowd already and we can’t see ANYTHING. Tajiri vs. Lynn in the ring as Crazy does his big moonsault. Both Crazy and Tajiri do the ten punches in the corner and both take powerbombs out of it. For two guys like Lynn and Guido that don’t team together they sure think alike don’t they?

A double powerbomb can’t beat Lynn. Now remember, this is the same Lynn that was never put over RVD (to this point). So they’re saying that RVD could take this much and do better? Lynn never got pushed like he could have. With him being fairly conservative with the hardcore stuff he would have been far better than Corino for the anti-hardcore stuff.

Anyway, the partners finally turn on each other and Tajiri hits a brainbuster on Lynn to end it. Post match, Corino and his boys come out and beat up Lynn and Corino runs down Dusty Rhodes for no apparent reason.

Dusty is here of course, despite being everything ECW was supposed to not be about, as he is the epitome of old school and old mentality of booking but with them this close to death I guess it’s whatever. Rhyno beats him up and the majority of the roster comes down to save him. To be fair, he got an eruption so maybe they’re onto something.

Rating: D. The match was decent, but what in the world were they going for here? Whatever it was they didn’t get it. This just didn’t do it at all for me as I have no clue what they were trying to accomplish. It was confusing and no one really got it I don’t think, plus it somehow sets up the manager vs. Dusty Rhodes? What the heck?

New Jack talks about being ticked off at Da Baldies and having a staple in him. Well they were loyal to him. I have to give them that.

Ad for their TV shows and live events. It’s sponsored by their video game. That really was a fairly big deal. It pretty much sucked, but it was a nice accomplishment I guess.

Angel vs. New Jack

This is for King of the Streets, which is just a name I guess. The other two Baldies are with Angel. So we have a black man beating up a Latino in the Deep South. Yeah this isn’t going to go bad at all. Oh an it’s the song too. Can’t you tell how thrilled I am by that? I wonder how much they spent on his toys over the years.

New Jack “drops” an “elbow” from the top “onto” Angel. This is just not that interesting at all as it’s just New Jack beating him up with weapons. It’s limited to this match so far though so I can’t complain that much. If they keep it isolated I can live with it. Grimes and DeVito, the other Baldies are beating him up now.

So we’re on the floor in the middle of the crowd now with New Jack fighting some other guy. Jack dives out of the balcony and while it’s a big jump, it’s been done. That’s how I would sum up New Jack’s issues: we’ve seen it all before and it just loses its specialness. Angel remembers he’s in this match and comes to beat Jack up. At least Angel’s selling is funny. A shovel to New Jack’s head ends it.

Rating: D-. Like I said, we’ve seen this all before. What is the point of seeing it all over again? We get it: New Jack is a street fighter and Angel can beat him. What’s the point to it? I just don’t get it.

Alfonso goes into Van Dam’s dressing room and says it smells great in there but we need to air it out a bit. He’s stoned about out of his mind but whatever. Seriously is there any reason at all why he never got the world title? RVD says he’s beaten everyone with Fonzie saying he’s not Sabu.

Fonzie says he’s behind Van Dam 100%. And then we go down the hall to talk to Sabu and Fonzie. Fonzie cuts a promo talking about how Sabu is going to win. That’s a funny idea actually but it sets up the match quite well. If Sabu doesn’t win he leaves apparently.

ECW TV Title: Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Ok, this actually is a big match. I’ll give them that. RVD’s wife is here after having a bad Jetski accident. She’s ever pretty actually. Joey says it’ll be a classic. I doubt that but maybe. We’re on the floor already and Fonzie is the most interesting thing here as he’s saying he’ll be the winner no matter what. That’s brilliant actually. We break out the high spots and Cyrus calls the fans troglodytes.

Sabu is of course sloppy but this time it’s not as bad. He’s not blowing basic spots which helps a lot. Fonzie set up a table earlier on and there it goes. Sabu gets hurt putting Van Dam through it as it’s just been a fight so far. He calls for some athletic tape for his knee as it’s in trouble.

This is still a big crazy fight, but it’s far less annoying here as instead of just mindless violence and making it look silly, this takes the weapons and violence and puts them in as parts of a wrestling match. The Triple Jump Moonsault hits but there’s no referee. Van Dam kicks out of a legdrop version.

Fonzie tries to wake up the referee but not really, which is nice again as he’s unsure if he wants to go with Sabu but he kind of does. Van Dam sets for the Van Daminator but fakes Sabu out and counters his counter to hit it. That was nice. They screw up a hurricanrana as Van Dam doesn’t go down.

That might have been intentional so I can give them that. Fonzie is in the ring with a chair but can’t decide who to give it to so Van Dam hits him with a Van Daminator. SWEET. After blocking a springboard splash, Van Dam hits the Five Star to retain. Post match Sabu leaves the out cold Alfonso laying there.

Rating: B-. I liked it. I have no idea why but I liked it. I think it was the Fonzie thing but this came off as decent to me. I have no desire to watch them fight again, but for a one time thing I liked it. By far the best Sabu match I can remember but not one of Rob’s best. Still this is a major match so that’s good.

The Impact Players say they’ll win the belts because they’re better.

Cyrus and Joey say Sandman/Rhyno won’t happen because Sandman had to take care of a family emergency. I like that. It sucks that a match had to be canceled, but at least be honest about it. I like that as it’s something different.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Raven/Tommy Dreamer

The Players come out separately for no apparent reason. To be fair the champions do too. Apparently the Impact Players are trying to take over the company so Dreamer and Raven are fighting for ECW. Sure why not. Raven is RIDICULOUSLY over. They can’t get in the ring as the Impact Players (I feel like I’m doing OCW again) fight them off.

We hit the floor because that makes sense to give up your advantage like that. The champions throw the other guys off the stage as they’re working together. Hey we go to an actual tag sequence. I’m stunned. Ok to be fair ECW matches usually do go to rules after the insanity dies down. Dreamer is both busted up and in trouble as we HIT THE CHINLOCK!

It’s fun seeing these guys actually wrestle for a change rather than just having mindless brawls. If nothing else we get to look at some rather hot women during this with Francine and Dawn Marie. Storm misses the second best superkick in wrestling and Dreamer gets the hot tag. Well kind of as he hits the hand but no one calls it. The referee realizes they kind of blew the spot and just lets it go I guess.

Raven hits his drop toehold. I’ve always liked how simple yet awesome that was. And there’s the Tombstone but surprisingly it only gets two. I would have bet on that being the ending. Storm sets up a table and then like an IDIOT stands in front of it. As he goes through it, the only thing I can think of is YOU FREAKING DESERVE IT.

The girls go at it and it’s nothing special. There’s your Bronco Buster which still is freaking stupid. Raven takes a Singapore cane shot for Francine but walks into That’s Incredible for the pin.

Rating: C-. Give this more wrestling and a bit more time and this can be pretty good. This was just too short on wrestling and too little Raven who is the best guy in here not named Storm. This was a decent enough match though but it just needed more time to make it a good bit better.

We go outside to the parking lot to talk to Corino and company who say they’re proud of beating up Rhodes. Rhyno tells the guy to shut the F up. THAT is the first moment from ECW that I ever remember. Rhyno wants an ECW Title shot. He would get it and be the last champion of the company.

Cyrus is REALLY happy about the Impact Players getting the belts.

We go to the recap of Spike vs. Awesome which is because Spike’s girlfriend took a clothesline and knocked her teeth out.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Spike Dudley

This should be going on in the spot of the TV Title match and the TV Title match should come on last. Spike has lost a lot of that ANGER from an hour and a half ago. He starts setting up tables before Mike is even here. Oh well we get to listen to some more AC/DC so I can’t complain. He sets up FIVE tables including two on top of each other before getting into the ring with a microphone.

He talks about how he makes his living getting put through tables. Ok thanks for admitting you’re a glorified jobber getting a title shot at a PPV. Why was Awesome managed by a “judge?” That never made much sense to me but whatever. Spike goes through a table less than 15 seconds in. Ok then let’s go home now as this is rather pointless. There go two more.

We’re MAYBE a minute and a half in and Spike has done nothing at all other than a few punches. Them calling the split screen replay Double Vision is funny. Spike is in the crowd and Awesome dives over the railing to knock him back down. Joey wants the match stopped but then cheers when he kicks out of a splash. Is this supposed to make sense?

Oh that’s right it’s Spike Dudley in the main event of a PPV. Of course it’s not supposed to make sense. Awesome Bomb is blocked and Spike jumps at Awesome and hits something close to an Acid Drop on the guard rail. Spike might have hurt his leg. Wow I wonder how he could have done that. Spike hits a hurricanrana which Awesome (rightfully) no sells and then kills Spike with a clothesline for two.

Spike hits the one move that I’ve never been able to understand how it can be done safely: a double stomp from the top rope. In an INSANE spot, Spike gets on the top rope and hits a springboard clothesline from the ring to the front row. That was impressive and Joey/Cyrus make fun of Hogan for doing such limited stuff.

That’s rather amusing as Awesome is actually Hogan’s nephew or something close to that. Spike hits an Acid Drop from the apron to the floor through a table and chokes Awesome out with a cord to take over. Joey shouting AWESOME IS DEAD over and over after a big chair shot is rather creepy.

Spike is thrown through a table and is more or less out cold. Spike then further proves his idiocy by going up when Awesome is on the top rope in front of a table. Of course he goes through it for the pin. He deserved that for general stupidity.

Rating: D-. The problem here is simple: the credibility just wasn’t there at all. Spike is still his size and Awesome is his size. That’s why this didn’t work very well. We get it: Spike can do moves to big guys, but chair shots and a Diamond Cutter from the ropes isn’t enough to make this believable. They tried….kind of, but this just didn’t work that well at all.

OverallRating: D+. It’s by no means the worst ECW show ever, but seriously, what happened here? Van Dam keeps the belt again, Awesome dominates again, the dream partner match made no sense. Oh right the Players won the belts. Guess what they do at the next PPV.

They win the belts since they lose them in a few weeks. Anyway, this wasn’t horrible I guess, but that’s not saying much. Just a very lackluster show and you can clearly see the things just getting ready to come crashing down.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Born To Be Wired
Date: August 9, 1997
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentator: Joey Styles

This isn’t a PPV but it’s the next big show after Barely Legal. We have a main event of Terry Funk defending the world title against Sabu in a pretty famous barbed wire match. On top of that there isn’t anything of note on the card but then again it’s ECW so a lot of the card was probably announced an hour before the bell. Let’s get to it.

Little Guido vs. Pablo Marquez

No intro here and we jump right into the match. This is the home video version so I have no idea what’s going to be cut and what isn’t. Guido is part of the FBI and Marquez is a guy from Ecuador. Before the match, fellow FBI guy Tommy Rich, says that Guido is an F’n Beautiful Intelligent man. Thanks for that Tommy. The fans chant homosexual insults at Guido and the camera work is awful as it can barely stay on the guys.

Marquez ranas Guido to the floor and there’s a big suicide dive. Back in and Pablo springboards into a clothesline for two as Guido takes over. I forgot how annoying I found Joey’s commentary with how much he says exactly what’s going on in the match and offers nothing more. Marquez gets sent to the apron and hits a springboard missile dropkick for two. A suplex gets the same for Guido and Marquez hits a Russian legsweep for two.

Guido works on the leg (notice how fast this is changing momentum) but Marquez comes back with a sunset flip and clothesline for no cover. Marquez sends him to the floor and botches a dive, resulting in him just grazing Guido with his feet. Back in and Pablo dives on the FBI, resulting in Rich hitting him in the back with a flag for the pin by Guido.

Rating: C-. This was your usual fast paced opener but it was a total spotfest with the lack of selling driving me crazy as usual. Marquez was around for awhile in ECW and he didn’t ever get much higher on the card than this. Guido and the FBI would stick around for years, all the way up to the end of the company. The idea of the opener here was fine but the execution didn’t work at all.

Mikey Whipwreck vs. Louie Spicolli

Since this is the home video, they cut from the end of one match to the start of another which is a nice perk. Louie slams him around a few times and they stand around a lot. Mikey speeds things up a bit and slams Louie so much that Louie crotches himself on the post. A Stunner, the move which Mikey kind of might have invented, drops Mikey here and Louie takes over. The fans swear at Spicolli like they did to Guido early but that’s normal for them.

An enziguri takes Mikey down for two and it’s off to the chinlock. This is already in the same problematic area that a lot of ECW shows get into: There’s no story to it (at least that we’re told) so it’s just a match for the sake of having a match. That’s fine when you have guys that can tear the house down, but Mikey Whipwreck vs. Louie Spicolli isn’t exactly Austin vs. Rock you know?

Mikey comes back with a rana but the second is countered into a powerbomb for two. Spicolli misses a Swanton and Mikey speeds things up, only to get sent to the floor. Mikey whips Louie into the barricade and hits a HUGE dive from inside, crashing his legs into the railing in the process. Back inside and a top rope rana gets the pin for Whipwreck.

Rating: C. Better than the opener because Mikey is a lot better than Guido or Marquez. Louie is a guy who was just kind of around for awhile and then he wasn’t anymore. He left for WCW in a month or so. Then he died in February due to a drug overdose. The match was nothing of note for the most part and it might have been Spicolli’s last ECW match.

Spike Dudley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

This is before the Giant Killer phase for Spike. Spike beats up a chair before the match due to reasons of drugs. We’re eight days from Hardcore Heaven and we’re told that we’ll learn Bigelow’s opponent later in the hour. Bigelow asks the fans what section he should throw Spike into. Spike grabs a leg which gets him nowhere at all. Well scratch that as it gets him launched halfway across the ring and through the air.

Bigelow picks Spike up again and teases the fans about throwing him into the crowd but just drops him down instead. A BIG suplex puts Spike down and Dudley sells like only he can. The guy can’t do much because of his size but he’s great at looking like a rag doll. Spike gets posted and he’s busted open. Bigelow splashes him in the corner but the moonsault misses. Spike fires away with a bunch of forearms which finally drop Bigelow for two. The Acid Drop is blocked as Bigelow launches Spike to the mat. Spike hits Bigelow low and hooks a victory roll for the shocking upset.

Rating: D+. This is Heyman 101: when a guy is a huge underdog, he’ll get slaughtered for almost all of the match and then hit one move out of nowhere for the pin. Watch ECW and see how many times you get that exact ending. Spike would wind up as a kind of a cult favorite (inside the cult that was ECW) and he would be the opponent at Hardcore Heaven, where Bigelow MASSACRED him.

Chris Candido vs. Chris Chetti

Blast it now I can’t use two names for each guy. Chetti is billed as The Rookie here, which he would be for like two years. Feeling out process to start with Candido taking him down in a rollup for two. Chetti hits some armdrags into an armbar to take over as things slow down a bit. Candido comes back with rapid fire punches to take over in the corner but Chetti fires right back with some of his own.

Chetti hits a cross body out of the corner for two as again there’s no story to this match at all. Back to the armbar (Candido: “HE’S TRYING TO KILL ME!!!”) as things slow down again. Candido hooks a rana to put both guys on the floor and Chetti gets posted. Back in and Candido hits a middle rope legdrop for two. Off to a chinlock which is one of the last things they should have done here.

The fans want Taz who was feuding with Candido at this point and would have a great match with him at the PPV. Candido suplexes him down and does Taz’s pose. A top rope sunset flip gets two for Candido and it’s back to the chinlock. Candido spits at him and they slug it out, won by the non-rookie.

Chetti hits a German suplex for two and a dropkick takes Candido down. Chetti powerslams him down but doesn’t cover, instead misses a flipping legdrop off the top. Candido goes up and gets crotched, resulting in a superplex for two for Chetti. Cnadido powerbombs him down and a double underhook superplex pins the Rookie.

Rating: C+. Another match with no story to it and in this case there was even less of a doubt as to who was going to win given how Joey kept hyping up Taz vs. Candido at the PPV. Chetti was doing fine here but he was in over his head with Candido, who was one of the top guys ECW had.

Here’s Shane Douglas to run his mouth about Terry Funk and wanting the world title. If Funk survives tonight, Shane gets the title match at Hardcore Heaven. If Sabu wins, Shane wants a title match at Hardcore Heaven. Shane talks about how a few years ago they got ECW noticed with a match called the Extreme Three Way Dance, so how about a rematch for the title at the PPV? I always found the original overrated. It just wasn’t nearly what they made it out to be.

Lance Storm vs. Shane Douglas

Gee I wonder who’s going to win. Storm has a tiny blonde ponytail at this point. Shane is the leader of the Triple Threat and at some point Storm wanted to be a member but only made it to the prospect level. Feeling out process to start with Storm taking Shane to the mat by the arm. Storm chops away and it’s back to the arm. A superkick puts Douglas down and a botched Francine distraction allows Lance to get a rollup for two.

Shane hot shots Storm and stomps away in the corner. With Storm seated in the corner, Douglas baseball slides him into the crotch. Off to a camel clutch by Shane to taunt Sabu. Francine throws in some chairs and Storm gets suplexed down onto an open one for two. Douglas gets backdropped to the floor and crotched on the barricade.

Back in and a springboard cross body gets two for Storm as does an enziguri. A few rollups get a few near falls for both guys and Storm speeds things up. Storm misses a guillotine legdrop but counters the belly to belly into a DDT. The second attempt at the suplex hits for Shane and gets the pin.

Rating: C+. As is usually the case with ECW, the matches have more of a point and get better as the show goes on. The problem with that is that the first forty minutes or so are usually really dull and they don’t really make you want to stick around for the rest of the show. Oh and one more time: Joey needs to stop just saying the moves. It adds very little to the match at all.

TV Title: Taz vs. Al Snow

Snow is challenging and is on the verge of the push of a lifetime which would result in Heyman completely screwing up and not putting the world title on him because Shane Douglas must be champion forever in ECW. Snow rips into the fans for saying that he’s not Leif Cassidy (role he played in WWE) but Al Snow. The fans want Taz to murder Snow which is the norm for them most of the time.

After a long stall Taz takes it to the mat to take over. The fans want Snow’s neck broken. The champ cranks on the arm and does it again after Snow escapes. Snow tries to fight up and gets caught in an ankle hold. This is all mat stuff so far and it’s pretty good as well. After Snow bails to the floor he comes back in and is immediately caught in an Alabama Slam but he hits a kind of enziguri to the face of the champ to take over.

A suplex puts Taz down and the fans are still all over Snow. Taz is like screw this wrestling stuff and takes Snow down to pound away, but Snow rakes the eyes. Now Taz is like screw this brawling stuff and suplexes Snow down. Snow slams him down and fires off some kicks but gets pounded in the face for his efforts. Taz comes back with a German suplex but walks into a suplex from Snow. That gets no sold and it’s the Tazmission to retain the title.

Rating: C+. This never quite clicked as they were didn’t seem quite sure what they were going for as Taz kept switching from wrestling to brawling. Maybe that’s what they were going for but it didn’t quite work. Snow as a guy completely hated by the fans because he used to be in the WWF worked fine and it worked even better when he turned into the psycho head shaking guy. Not terrible here but it was your usual Taz match from this time period. The mat stuff was good though.

The Dudleys are in the ring and it’s time for their long intro. We have D-Von, Bubba, (the two in the match) Big Dick, Sign Guy and Joel Gertner. Joel talks about possession being 9/10 of the law but I can’t quite understand him. The Dudleys are tag team champions. This is one of the funniest parts of the show and always has been. Bubba is Dudleyville’s most eligible bachelor.

Dudley Boys vs. Axl Rotten/Balls Mahoney

Mahoney has short hair here. I think this is non-title. That would be the case because the Gangstas are tag champions but the Dudleys have stolen the belts. If the Gangstas can’t defend them on Sunday, the Dudleys get them anyway. The Dudleys take a walk before the bell but then come back to fight. Ok then. It’s Bubba vs. Axl to start but it’s off to D-Von before anything happens. Axl and D-Von used to be tag partners so there’s a history there.

Big Dick trips up Axl to start the match with a little cheating. Off to Balls to crank on the arm a bit but he gets punched in the corner for his efforts. Big Dick interferes again and we stall a bit. D-Von charges at Balls and gets punched in the face. Dick low bridges Mahoney and the Dudleys take over again. Axl whispers something to Balls and they walk to the back. The fans chant for New Jack but they get the returning Hack Meyers instead and it’s a six man tag now.

Meyers pounds on Big Dick in the corner with the non-Dudleys taking over. All three guys pound on Dick (with the fans chanting AXL! BALLS! SHAH!) which finally knock him to the floor. It’s a brawl with no wrestling at all which is what you would expect from this. Axl cracks D-Von with a chair and they head into the crowd. Make that into the back of the arena. Now make that back to ringside. D-Von cracks Axl with a chair, bringing the sequence full circle.

We haven’t looked at the other four guys for awhile but here are Bubba and Balls again. Back in the ring Balls hits a sitout tombstone on D-Von followed by a guillotine legdrop for a delayed two count. Axl cracks Bubba with a chair (Joey: “BINGO!”) and Meyers heads back inside. Meyers rolls up D-Von for two as Balls cracks Dick with a chair on the floor. The Dick grabs the Balls and chokeslams him through a table and it’s a 3D to Meyers for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a big brawling mess but it was what the fans wanted to see. The six man part only lasted about four minutes but that was what the fans were the most excited for. Meyers was a guy who was basically just a brawler but he was insanely popular with the fans. The Dudleys would do whatever they wanted for about two more years before bailing to the WWF.

Rob Van Dam vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer was in the middle of a major feud with the invading Jerry Lawler while Van Dam was wrestling like a WWF wrestler to make him one of the most hated people in the company. Van Dam does the finger point so Dreamer grabs his ponytail and hooks a headlock. Van Dam will have none of that and kicks Dreamer down. The splits are broken up by a Dreamer dropkick to the back of the head and a clothesline to send Rob to the floor. There’s a plancha and Van Dam is in trouble.

A fan throws Dreamer a no parking sign and Van Dam gets whacked in the head. Then he gets whacked in the head again but off the apron this time. Back in and Van Dam gets two off a sunset flip and kicks Dreamer right back to the floor. Rob hits (I think he did at least as the contact wasn’t shown and Dreamer was a few feet away when they were both laying on the ground) a big flipping dive and Dreamer is in trouble.

Rob crotches him on the barricade and with the help of Fonzie we get a modified Van Daminator to rattle Dreamer’s skull a bit more. Back in again and Van Dam dropkicks a chair into Dreamer’s face and then skateboards the chair into Dreamer’s face in the corner. Rob’s offense is a bit repetitive no? There’s the Five Star and we’re…..not done? No we’re not as it only gets two. That’s a new one.

Van Dam slams Dreamer down on the chair but misses a split legged moonsault, crashing into the chair instead. Tommy hits a kind of Van Daminator and loads Rob into the Tree of Woe. After the baseball slide into the chair, Dreamer hits a frog splash of his own. Beulah and Fonzie get in a fight, although it’s not the famous one that they had which everyone raves about. Due to the distraction, Van Dam hits a Van Daminator but Dreamer pops up and DDTs Rob. Sabu pops up for no apparent reason and another Van Daminator (this one with a trashcan) and a corkscrew legdrop onto the can onto Dreamer gets the pin.

Rating: C. I wasn’t wild on this but it wasn’t terrible. Van Dam wrestling a WWF style didn’t come through here at all as it looked like any of his usual matches in ECW. Also I don’t get the idea of pinning the hero that is going to be fighting off the invading villain in a week but Heyman’s booking never quite made sense.

Post match here’s the Triple Threat (Bigelow, Douglas and Candido) to destroy Van Dam and Sabu. Why? Because it’s what the Triple Threat does. Dreamer is getting beaten down too and a bunch of jobbers come in to try to break up the fights but it turns into a big brawl. The Dudleys are in there now too and they clear the ring other than Dreamer. Mahoney and Rotten run in with weapons to clean house.

Big Dick rises up and destroys them……and here are the Gangstanators (Kronus and New Jack). They get chokeslammed down immediately and it’s crippled Perry Saturn for the real save as the Eliminators and New Jack finally beat up the Dudleys. Dreamer, Rotten and Mahoney get back up and eventually it’s Gertner that gets destroyed. The Gangstas (New Jack and Mustafa, the latter of which isn’t here tonight) wouldn’t fight the Dudleys at the PPV and it would be the Dudleys vs. PG-13, a Memphis tag team. This beating goes on for a long while.

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Sabu is challenging and this is a barbed wire match, which means the ropes have been replaced by barbed wire. Terry heads to the corner to start but Sabu dropkicks the knee out and we head to the mat. Funk tries to throw him into the wire but Sabu puts the brakes on. Sabu does the same as Terry but Terry rolls to the floor to escape. Back in and Sabu puts on a quick camel clutch which goes nowhere.

Funk hits a neckbreaker and a scary looking piledriver for two. They both try to ram the other into the wire and it’s Sabu getting the advantage, but Terry gets his hands up and avoids the pain. Sabu hurricanranas Terry down for two but Funk kicks him off and into the wire for the first gasp from the crowd. Terry rakes Sabu’s eyes into the barbed wire which is pretty sick stuff.

An Irish whip sends the challenger into the wire again and Funk crotches him on it for good measure. Sabu’s tights are ripped up and man are his legs skinny. After some more pain for the guy from Bombay, he sends Terry into the corner and the wire as a result, followed by a chair shot. Funk’s face gets sent into the barbed wire and Sabu finds a spike from somewhere to pound into Funk’s head. This is getting violent in a hurry.

With Funk up against the wire, Sabu hits Air Sabu to drive him further into said wire for two. Air Sabu (it’s a running diving leg attack using a chair as a springboard) misses on its second attempt and Sabu is hung up in the wire. In a famous spot, Sabu’s bicep is sliced open and things slow WAY down. The solution to the cut? Fonzie brings in a roll of tape and tapes the GAPING WOUND closed to keep the match going.

A neckbreaker puts Sabu down but Terry can’t follow up. Sabu goes NUTS and starts pounding on Funk but Terry just punches him in the face to take over again. They both head to the floor and slug it out but are quickly back inside so Funk can put on the spinning toe hold. Fonzie (Sabu’s manager in case you’re not familiar with ECW, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) tries to interfere but gets pulled across the wire as well.

Funk slices open Fonzie’s shirt and cuts his back with it. The champ gets some wire cutters from somewhere and clips some wire off, which he whips Sabu with to slow him down even more. Fonzie gets beaten up some more and it’s back inside for more brawling. Sabu cuts more of the wire down and here’s RVD to pound on Funk. He takes Terry to the floor and wraps him in barbed wire so Sabu can drive Terry through a table.

Now Dreamer comes out to take out Van Dam (literally) and the guys in the match head back inside. Sabu pulls off a big section of wire and wraps himself in it before diving through Funk through a table. To complete this mess, they’re stuck together because Funk was wrapped in wire as well so they get back in the ring in a big ball and Sabu gets two. They’re still stuck together and since there’s nothing else they can do, Sabu shoves Terry’s shoulder back down and gets the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. To the shock of no one who is paying attention, this was a major mess. It was a total freakshow and the ending made it even worse as they couldn’t even do the right ending because they got stuck. Also this would wind up meaning NOTHING as Douglas got the title a week later because in ECW, Shane Douglas MUST be world champion. Just a mess here and it had almost absolutely nothing to do with wrestling.

Overall Rating: D+. Much like most ECW shows, most of this didn’t mean much and was there to fill in time. The main event is a mess and like I said, this means nothing as we’re a week from the second PPV so this whole thing is more or less a big house show before the real show. This isn’t the worst ECW show ever, but man alive it wasn’t much to see. It’s more dull than bad though, and that’s an upgrade for these guys.

Here’s Hardcore Heaven if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2010/12/26/hardcore-heaven-1997/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 17, 2006
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re thankfully back to a normal wrestling show this week without the stupid 13 year old fan service. The main event tonight is Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam in a match that could set up a future title shot down the line. Looking at the card, we have five matches packed into an hour long show. That’s not bad at all and hopefully will make up for last week. Let’s get to it.

Matt Striker vs. Sandman

Singapore cane on a pole match. Sandman is already busted open from his entrance. They stare at each other to start before Striker sprints to the corner, because Sandman could never possibly catch him. In a bit smarter move, Striker goes after Sandy’s leg to keep him from being able to climb. Striker misses a middle rope elbow to the knee but Sandman can’t get to the cane. Matt backdrops Sandman off the top and actually gets the cane first. A few shots to Sandman don’t do much as Striker swings and misses, allowing Sandman to get the cane. After a few shots, Striker bails and loses by countout.

Rating: D+. The blood (from both guys) was helpful but this wasn’t even four minutes long. What are you expecting out of a gimmick match that doesn’t even go that long? This was a feud that worked as you kept waiting to see Sandman get to maul the weasel, but it would have been better if Striker was built up some more.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

This is a rematch from last week. Rene slaps him to start, ticking off Punk enough that he charges into a quick hot shot. Rene gets in some more offense but Punk leg lariats him, hits his quick strikes, the Rock Bottom and the Anaconda Vice for the fast tap. This was nothing.

Mike Knox hits the ring post match but Punk is ready for him. Knox bails immediately when Punk calls him into the ring.

Rob talks about working his way back to the top and earning a shot at Big Show tonight. Van Dam says he’s the best at ECW (his words) and he can slay the dragon. He’ll get a shot eventually and he’ll be ready.

Here’s Test with something to say. Joey continues in vain to try to convince us that Test is a completely different guy now that he’s in ECW, as in he’s more intense or something. That’s the problem with most of the guys that came over to ECW: they’re the same guys we’ve seen for so many years and there really isn’t anything different. Test shows us a clip of Holly’s back getting sliced open a few weeks back and another of Test saving Heyman from Holly. Test makes fun of Holly for being out, which brings out Balls Mahoney to challenge him.

Test vs. Balls Mahoney

Balls jumps him to start and gets beaten down for his efforts. Mahoney’s shoulder is sent into the post and it’s off to an armbar because Test is such a known technical wrestler. Balls fights up and hits his signature punches and the Nutcracker Suite for two. Not that it matters though as the big boot takes Balls’ head off and the TKO gets the quick pin. This was just a step above a squash.

Sabu vs. Shannon Moore

For the first time during the intros, December to Dismsmber is mentioned. Oh sweet goodness we’re reaching that time already? Sabu takes him down very quickly and hits a leg lariat, sending Moore to the outside. A big flip dive takes Shannon out again and they head back inside. After some required generic offense from Moore, he misses a Whisper in the Wind style move and a slingshot legdrop gets the pin for Sabu. Another squash here.

Big Show talks about the Champion of Champions match at Cyber Sunday and doesn’t seem concerned about the match tonight.

Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Non-title here. They stare each other down for a bit and RVD points at himself. Rob pounds away to start and goes for the legs but gets kicked in the face for his troubles. Show gets guillotined on the top rope and a top rope gets gets two for RVD. Show knocks him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show in control and dropping some elbows. There’s a chop in the corner and Rob tries some shots to come back, only to get run over again. Rob comes back with more right hands and another top rope kick, followed by Rolling Thunder for two.

Show comes back with a spear but it only gets two. The fans are getting way into this which is kind of surprising given how the match has been going so far. A Vader Bomb Elbow misses but a clothesline puts RVD right back into the corner. The referee gets bumped and Van Dam counters the chokeslam into a DDT. He loads up the Five Star but Test shoves him off the top and stomps away. Test grabs a chair and pokes Van Dam in the ribs with it but Hardcore Holly runs out and hits Test with the chair. Holly cracks Show with the chair twice and the Five Star gives Rob the upset win.

Rating: C+. I wasn’t liking this one at first but once they got rolling with Van Dam staying in there no matter what and trying to find a way to slay the giant I got into it. Someone had to give Show a challenge eventually and there’s no one more popular or credible than Van Dam in ECW. Better match than I was expecting.

Overall Rating: C+. What a difference it is when you get some wrestling instead of some stupid gimmick for the show which was mentioned all of once this entire show. RVD is the best choice for a challenger to Big Show as I don’t think he ever got a full rematch unless it was right after he lost the title. Much better show this week as we’re starting to get to December to Dismember.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 10, 2006
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and ECW had no involvement with it at all. We’re heading up to Cyber Sunday now where the ECW Champion would have a match but he wouldn’t defend his title. Tonight the main event is a six man tag with the major names on the show fighting the other major names. Things won’t really change around here for about two more months so we’re going to be in the same place for awhile. Oh and there’s Extreme Strip Poker tonight. Let’s get to it.

Balls Mahoney is the dealer for the poker game. We have Trinity, Kelly, Maria, Candice, Ashley and Krystal. Oh and it’s lowest card loses, not even poker. Ashley loses the first one and takes her shirt off. This is going to be a LONG show.

Theme song.

The announced main event is a six man tag, meaning I was looking at the wrong card earlier.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

Punk dropkicks Dupree in the thigh to start and we cut to Kelly taking her shoes off. Dupress gets kicked in the face and pounded into the corner followed by a nearly botched backdrop. Punk heads to the apron and gets elbowed in the face as we head to the chinlock from Rene. Trinity loses her top. The guys in the ring slug it out and Punk blocks an O’Connor roll. Punk takes over and hits the knee/bulldog combo for two. There’s a powerslam for Punk and he floats over into the Anaconda Vice for the submission.

Rating: C-. This was a squash and one with a bunch of annoying distractions. They’re a waste of time as while the girls do look good, you’re never going to see anything, so it’s a constant set of teases without any actual payoff. Also at least do the segments between the matches instead of cutting back to showing a girl taking off her freaking shoes. Hopefully Dupree leaves soon as the guy is just a waste of space.

Candice and Maria tie so they both take something off. Maria takes off her garters and Candice takes off her skirt.

After a break, it’s Dealer’s Choice, meaning Balls gets to pick the article the loser has to take off. Krystal has to take her skirt off. Ok the thong is a nice touch.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds him into the corner to start but a charge sends his shoulder into the post. Ashley takes her shoes off and Thorn cranks on Dreamer’s arm. Candice loses her corset and dances a bit. Thorn misses a headbutt and Dreamer fires off right hands. A suplex puts Thorn down as does a Sky High powerbomb. Dreamer has to go after Ariel on the floor and Thorn gets in a shot to the back. Tommy tries an elbow drop but crashes, letting Thorn hit a sitout Rock Bottom for two. Dreamer hits a reverse guillotine across the top rope and the DDT pins Thorn for the first time in ECW.

Rating: D+. Why would you have Dreamer win here? Thorn was one of the hot young heels they had on this show and they have him lose to the ultimate ECW jobber? Other than that there wasn’t anything here as it didn’t even last four minutes, so it’s not like they could get anywhere with it. Also, it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn. What are you expecting from it?

Krystal loses her shoes and Balls has an erection.

We recap Hardcore Holly getting his back sliced open and then getting taken out by Test before Holly could kill Heyman.

The girls talk about how hot Cena is. This transitions into a promo for the Marine. Maria loves ponies. END THIS FREAKING NONSENSE ALREADY!!! Now they like Batista and Punk. They deal another round and Kelly dances before taking her skirt off. She takes her top off because she wants to. The bra comes off and we take a break with her back to the camera.

SEE THE MARINE!

Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Sandman vs. Test/Matt Striker/Big Show

During the entrances, Ashley loses her skirt and Krystal loses her top. Van Dam and Test get us going with Test pounding Van Dam down into the corner. Rob comes out of the corner with a spinning crossbody for two and it’s a standoff. The step over kick takes Test down and there’s Rolling Thunder at the same time Sabu hits a slingshot legdrop. Sabu adds a springboard leg lariat and it’s off to Sandy.

Striker does the coward heel thing of getting in his shots while Sandman is in trouble. Maria takes her skirt off. Sandman wants Big Show with the big man chopping away as Trinity takes her skirt off. Sabu comes in to fire away on Show but Test pops him in the back to take over. This match is going nowhere. Sabu pounds on Test and we take a break.

Back with Test hitting some backbreakers on Sabu for two. Striker comes in and pokes Sabu in the eyes before hitting a neckbreaker for two. Off to a chinlock to make sure this match doesn’t get interesting at all. Back to Big Show with a chokebomb as Sabu is reeling. Show does the RVD finger point and runs over Sabu again. Maria loses her corset. This would be more appealing if she hadn’t been in Playboy.

Sabu counters a chokeslam into a DDT for two and it’s off to Test. Off to a bearhug followed by Striker coming in and getting punched in the face. There’s a hot tag to Van Dam and the fans really aren’t that interested at this point. Van Dam’s top rope kick takes Striker down and a superkick does the same to Test. Air Sabu hits test in the corner and everything breaks down. The Five Star hits Striker but Sandman gets to come in and beat up Striker for the pin.

Rating: D. This match was terribly boring. It was almost like the match was here to fill in time before we got to the rest of the card stuff. The feuds being combined was a fine idea, but other than that there’s nothing to see here. Sandman pinning Striker doesn’t mean anything and Van Dam and Big Show had all of four seconds of action. Nothing to see here.

Candice claims the game is rigged and gets in an argument with Maria. Tops come off, everything is blurred, you can see the straps of the skin colored underwear, a big catfight ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. I hated this show. I get it: this was to tease 13 year olds, but that doesn’t make it any less dull. This was from 2006, a year where the internet and access to naked women was certainly in full swing. Yeah the girls look good here, but when they keep cutting into the matches for the “poker”, it gets really old really fast. Nothing to see here and I can’t stand shows like this one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

TNA Weekly PPV #6
Date: July 24, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West, Ed Ferrara

Back to Tennessee for another pair of shows. The main event tonight is Sabu challenging Shamrock in a ladder/submission match which is a new one on me. On top of that we have Styles/Lynn defending the titles against the Flying Elvises which was set up last week I believe. These shows are finally getting some traction and they’re starting to fill in a lot of their flaws. Let’s get to it.

We open with Jarrett in the ring and he beats up some security guards with a chair. He isn’t leaving until Shamrock gets out here with Jarrett’s title. In the back we see Shamrock destroying security as well. Shamrock locks all of the security in a room and has a massive British dude guard the door. Shamrock heads to the ring but some suit comes out to talk to Jarrett first. Apparently this is the NWA VP and he’s suspending Jarrett for 60 days. This would be his second suspension in about three weeks. Oh the suit is Bill Behrens.

He threatens Jarrett with security, which is locked in a room. Jarrett cracks Behrens with the chair and beats him with it a bit more. Shamrock FINALLY comes out and destroys Jarrett until Monty Brown and Apolo pull Ken off. Jarrett uses the distraction to bash Shamrock with a chair. Brian Lawler and K-Krush come out to stop Jarrett. I smell a six man.

Amazing Red vs. Low Ki

Tenay talks about how important this is for the rankings. Didn’t we already establish the rankings a few weeks back? We head to the floor almost immediately with Red hitting a sweet rana to take over. Back in and Low Ki looks a bit insane before hitting a Liger Kick to take over. An elbow drop gets two and it’s off to a cravate. A springboard enziguri to the face gets two and HOKEY SMOKE LOW KI USED A SUPLEX!!! I don’t think I’ve ever seen him use one before.

Red gets put in the Tree of Woe and a baseball slide gets two for Ki. Red fires off some kicks in the corner but Low Ki blocks the next few and kicks Red’s hat off. A leg sweep from Red takes Low Ki down and a standing shooting star gets two. A swinging sunset flip gets the same and they’re both back to their feet. Red’s tornado DDT is countered but he avoids some stomps from Low Ki. It’s time for some gymnastics and an enziguri from Red takes Ki down. A big corkscrew moonsault misses for Red and the Ki Krusher 99 (sitout fisherman’s brainbuster) gets the pin for Low Ki.

Rating: C+. I’m not a fan of Low Ki but he was WAY over in early TNA. Red was a great flipper and that’s all you need to be to secure an occasional spot on a card like this one. This was fine for an opener here and the match was fine all things considered. Low Ki would become the first ROH World Champion three days later.

Jarrett goes up to the big British guy and backs down.

Hot Shots vs. Chris Harris/James Storm

Hot Shots are Cassidy O’Reilley and Chase Stevens. No name yet for the future AMW. Earlier today we hear from AMW that it was the Hot Shots that attacked them a few weeks back. Storm is WAY over the top with his cowboy stuff here, to the point where he’s not funny anymore. Storm has fake guns on his hips and Harris yells about how stupid this gimmick is. It’s hilarious that Storm would become world champion while Harris is nowhere to be seen.

Storm and O’Reilley start with the Cowboy taking over early. Harris gets a blind tag and spears Riley down before it’s off to Stevens who is suplexed down for two. Back to Storm who is sent to the floor and sent into the barricade before being sent back in for two from Stevens. The Hot Shots hit a double dropkick with one kick hitting both sides of Storm’s head for two.

Cassidy gets a few not very near falls as it’s clear the Hot Shots don’t have much of an offense. Stevens was supposed to miss a moonsault but Storm rolls too slow and gets hit on the back. Hot tag brings in Harris and everything breaks down. A spinning reverse DDT from Storm takes O’Reilley out and Harris counters a tornado DDT into a northern lights suplex for the pin on Stevens.

Rating: D+. To say this was a weak feud buildup is an understatement. The Hot Shots just weren’t that good and AMW needed way better competition. It was clear they were one of if not the best teams in the company already, but it would take a few months before they were treated as such.

The Hot Shots beat up AMW post match.

Shamrock shoves a doctor away and wants Jarrett.

Apolo vs. Brian Lawler

Brian gets chants of Jerry’s Kid which are a bit shaking as this is being written the day after Lawler had a heart attack on Raw. Both guys toss each other around a bit with Lawler freaking out both times. Apolo pounds away in the corner as the announcers talk about who should be #1 contender. Lawler chokes away with a necklace in the corner and gets two knees up to block an Apolo splash. A middle rope dropkick puts Apolo down but Lawler stops to laugh at the crowd.

Off to a chinlock as that’s about the extent of Lawler’s Memphis offense. Apolo fights up (by fights I mean stands up) and makes a comeback with some Hogan style offense including a slam and legdrop. A not-Hoganesque superkick sets up a TKO attempt which is countered by Lawler into a reverse DDT for no cover. Lawler dances around a lot and is rolled up for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Lawler is really dull as a heel. I get that he was good in Memphis and the USWA as a heel, but this isn’t Memphis or the USWA. It’s post-Too Cool for him and based on that, this character just isn’t working. We know he wants to form his own career without being known as Jerry’s kid, and his method for doing this is constantly talking about Jerry Lawler. The problem with this (aside from the fact that he already did this by being Grandmaster Sexay) is that there is no chance Jerry Lawler is coming here for a payoff to the angle. Without that, it makes a story feel like it has no conclusion, and that makes it pointless.

Lawler snaps and beats up Don West post match. Tenay keeps telling us there’s no security tonight, which makes me ask: what was the point in Shamrock locking them away? To get at Jarrett? I guess so but it’s kind of a weak way to get to the show long angle they’re going with.

Here’s K-Krush and we get a recap of him choking Norman Smiley and others last week. Krush says his name is no longer K-Krush but now The Truth. He isn’t going to do what they tell him to do anymore and it’s all about the Truth. This is getting a big face reaction. He talks about Allen Iverson (nicknamed The Truth) a lot and calls him a criminal. He calls Iverson the best basketball player ever and Tyson the best boxer ever. People think Tyson is an animal but he’s just great. More athletes are listed, including O.J. Simpson, until he gets interrupted by Monty Brown.

Brown (coming out to Abyss’ music) makes fun of Truth for complaining and says don’t go where Truth is leading. He’s talking about racism if that doesn’t come over clearly. Brown talks about being a football player and walking away from it before coming to the NWA. “They” are making this a possibility for him and maybe Truth just doesn’t have what it takes. Truth says no to a fight before calling Brown an Uncle Tom and jumping Brown. Monty tosses him away with ease and hits the Alpha Bomb.

We recap Lynn and Styles’ tag title reign and the problems they’ve been having.

We get a sitdown interview from earlier with the tag champions. AJ talks about being young and hungry but says he respects Lynn. Lynn is a veteran and he says AJ has to earn everything he gets, which AJ realizes as well.

Tag Titles: Flying Elvises vs. Jerry Lynn/AJ Styles

It’s Estrada and Yang for the Elvises with Siaki on commentary. Lynn and Estrada start things off and Jorge is sent into the corner very quickly via an armdrag. Estrada comes back with a side slam but misses a Lionsault. A spinning Gory Special by Lynn doesn’t seem to do much and they trade headscissors. Off to AJ who hits a sweet spin kick for two but then gets sent into the middle buckle via a headscissors.

Yang comes in and maybe he’ll actually sell something. Styles nips up into another headscissors and takes Yang down with a belly to back suplex for two. Back to Lynn as the champions stay on offense. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Jerry and it’s back to Styles. Yang tries a tombstone but Styles counters with, you guessed it, a headscissors. Yang finally gets his knees up to stop a cross body and the Elvises take over.

Everything goes to the floor and Siaki interferes with a clothesline to give the challengers their first real advantage. Yang hooks a modified Koji Clutch before bringing Estrada back in. The Elvises tag in and out rapidly and hit suplexes and flip attacks for two after two. AJ hooks a small package for two but gets clotheslined down by Estrada again. A spinebuster gets two for Estrada and Yang hits a slingshot hilo for two.

Yang hooks an abdominal stretch on AJ which doesn’t last long either. The moonsault into the DDT puts Yang down but Estrada breaks up the tag to Lynn. AJ gets beaten on even more before FINALLY hitting a kick to the face of Yang to break free and tag in Lynn. Lynn speeds things way up and dropkicks Yang to the floor, followed by a big plancha. Estrada dives on them both and here’s AJ for the big dive, but Siaki pulls the challengers out and Styles hits Lynn, busting Lynn open on the barricade.

The Elvises hit a top rope splash/legdrop and SWEET GOODNESS is Lynn bleeding bad! I mean his face is COVERED. Lynn can’t stand up but he manages a quick shot to Estrada for the pin while Styles is ready for the Spiral Tap on Yang, meaning Lynn stole a pin just like AJ did recently.

Rating: B-. This was pure formula, but the good thing is that the standard tag formula works very well. Lynn vs. Styles works very well and it’s being played out very well. For a new company, this is the perfect midcard feud and it’s working incredibly well. Good stuff again here which is all you would expect from these guys.

Styles storms off immediately and leaves Lynn laying.

Disco Inferno now gets a talk show. He’s going by his real name of Glenn Gilbertti here and takes credit for Goldberg’s first loss and retiring Jumping Joey Maggs. He rambles on a bit about a bikini contest and says there’s nothing else for him to do in wrestling. Gilberti says he’s going to teach Shamrock what personality is and how to make Lynn look young. Starting next week he’s going to unlock the door to logic. This is the most rambling I’ve heard this side of a drunk Piper promo. I think he’s supposed to be a motivational speaker or something.

Shamrock is still looking for Jarrett.

Simon Diamond/Johnny Swinger vs. Elix Skipper/Monty Brown

Simon and Swinger were a regular tag team in the last days of ECW. Skipper and Simon start things off with Skipper getting a bunch of fast two counts. Brown comes in for a double dropkick and Skipper starts pounding away again, only to get caught in a double dropkick. That’s fair play if nothing else. Swinger hits a neckbreaker for two and it’s back to Simon for some suplexes for two of his own.

We get some heel miscommunication and Skipper hits a pair of superkicks to take them down. Off to Brown with no heat to the tag and he cleans house. Everything breaks down and an MNM Snapshot takes Skipper down but he isn’t legal. Brown hits a quick Alpha Bomb (it starts off like a slam but he throws the guy up into a powerbomb) for the pin on Diamond.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here at all but Brown was getting a decent push to open his run in the company. Simon and Swinger didn’t last long at all but they were somewhat known names and could fill in some spots on the roster I guess. Just a basic match here though and not much worth seeing.

Post match Truth comes out and hangs Brown as Elix just walks out. It was a setup 30 minutes in the making!

The Dupps continue to not be funny. Bo challenges the big British guy. To call this stupid would be an insult to the people stupid people call stupid.

Bo Dupp vs. Ian Harrison

That’s the big guy’s name. Harrison used to be Mr. Universe and therefore is a McMahon wet dream waiting to happen. The hick fans chant for Bo but this is basically a squash. Harrison is clearly there for his look but he’s not the worst muscle head I’ve ever seen. Bo gets in some offense but walks into a powerslam for two. Stan Dupp runs in for the DQ a second later. This went nowhere at all.

Shamrock and Jarrett have a pull apart brawl as security is finally out of the locker room.

NWA World Title: Sabu vs. Ken Shamrock

This a ladder/submission match, which is exactly what it sounds like. After a LONG recap of last week’s ladder match with Sabu vs. Malice, we’re ready to go. The fans seem to be completely behind Sabu here. Shamrock controls to start and goes for a leg hold but Sabu makes the rope. Sabu gets a quick rollup for two so the rules are basically thrown out the window so far. Apparently security has walked out of the building. Not like it makes a difference or anything.

Shamrock grabs an armbar but Sabu gets out before it can go on full. Sabu actually tries a leg lock but Shamrock is like boy please and counters into a leg bar. The springboard leg lariat takes Shamrock down and the slingshot legdrop looks to set up an armbar. I don’t think the pins count anymore. Apparently Ricky Steamboat is in charge next week.

Sabu gets knocked to the floor and we get the first ladder brought in with like four minutes left. The ladder gets kicked into Sabu’s face before it gets into the ring. Sabu and Shamrock brawl up the ramp with Sabu being through into one of the mini cages near the stage. Sabu is busted open but he manages to send Shamrock into the barricade.

It’s table time but the springboard flip dive by Sabu misses Shamrock, sending Sabu through the table on the ramp. Cool looking dive though. FINALLY a ladder is brought in but as Shamrock goes up, Malice runs in and chokeslams him down. Malice gets the belt itself and leaves to end the show.

Rating: D. Other than a few spots from Sabu, this was really boring. They had a no contest in a ladder match. That’s hard to do but they managed to do it here. Shamrock is a really boring champion but thankfully he’ll only have the title for a few more weeks. This is the last match Sabu would have with the company for almost a year and it’s a shame he couldn’t go out on the one he had last week which was way better.

Overall Rating: C+. You have to remember that this company isn’t even two months old yet. Factoring in that, this is a pretty remarkable performance as they’ve gotten rid of about 80% of the dumb stuff (the Dupps still are insanely annoying) and have some solid stories going on. It’s going to take a LONG time before they get anything significant going on, but these early days aren’t terrible by any stretch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 3, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re into a new month here as this show is starting to fly by. After last week we’re really right back where we were coming into last week with Show being completely dominant and no opponent for him at the moment. We also have Van Dam standing tall due to his victory over Holly. It’s hard to say what else we’re going to get from here on out. Let’s get to it.

We open with Holly and Heyman in the back, watching a clip from last week of Holly being sliced open like a cabbage. Heyman praises him for finishing the match after being out for a year due to a staph infection. Holly says that’s what he does and he wants Van Dam again tonight. Heyman almost panicking over the thought of a lawsuit is kind of funny stuff and he obviously says no. Holly grabs Heyman but Test pops in and hits Hardcore in the back with a chair. It’s Test vs. Van Dam tonight in an extreme rules match.

Opening sequence.

Sandman/Sabu vs. Big Show/Matt Striker

So I guess Sabu and Big Show are still feuding somehow. Sabu and Show start with the giant being clean shaven now. That’s kind of a good look for him. Show clotheslines Sabu down and tosses him around with ease. Off to Striker and Sabu gets on offense quickly, hitting a springboard leg lariat and some dropkicks to take over. Sabu is knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show coming in to headbutt Sabu down followed by a suplex which gets two for the tagged in Striker.

Striker kicks Sabu low to knock him to the floor again. Striker hooks a cravate and Sabu is in trouble again. Matt goes up but jumps into a spin kick in a bad looking spot. Sandman finally gets the hot tag and the beating begins. Striker tries to go up but Sandman blasts him with a left hand and the Heinekenrana gets two. The White Russian leg sweep is broken up by Show, who splashes Sandman to give Striker the pin.

Rating: D+. The problem here is that this is just a tag match. Sabu can hang in a match for the most part but Sandman is dull when he can’t use his weapons. This was just your standard tag match which bordered on a squash. Show is being put over stronger than almost anyone I’ve ever seen which is good for him but bad for everyone else.

Kelly Kelly and Trinity plug Extreme Strip Poker. Kelly takes her top off and has cards covering her.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds away to start but gets slammed out of the corner by Thorn. Thorn beats on Tommy but a pumphandle slam is countered into a neckbreaker as Dreamer starts his comeback. The DDT is countered but the second attempt at it gets two due to Thorn being in the ropes. A shot from the cane to Dreamer’s head ends this quick.

Watch the Marine!

Maria will play poker next week and people have been giving her “good” advice on how to play.

CM Punk vs. Danny Doring

Doring tries an early suplex but gets kicked in the ribs. A butterfly backbreaker puts Doring down and Punk fires away with knees in the corner. The knee/bulldog combo sets up a striking sequence followed by the Rock Bottom and Anaconda Vice for the tap. This was barely over a minute.

Kelly pops up on stage and dances for Punk. Knox takes her away and Punk says he’s sick of this. He says Knox’s problem isn’t keeping him away from Kelly, but from keeping Kelly away from him. Knox comes to the ring but backs off. The fans were into this.

Kristal Marshall and Ashley will be playing too.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam

Extreme Rules. Test kicks him in the ribs during the finger pointing which is something you would think a lot more people would do. Van Dam is sent to the floor and Test chokes him on the barricade. Van Dam gets in a kick (were you expecting something else?) but misses the spinning leg to the back of Test, crashing into the barricade instead. Test gets the steps but gets tripped, sending the steps crashing down on top of him. In a cool spot, Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder onto Test onto the steps.

It’s table time and the fans erupt as a result. As always, that takes too much time and Test takes his head off with a clothesline in the ring. Test throws four chairs into the ring and a big boot into one of them into the head of Van Dam gets two. A suplex onto the chair is countered by Van Dam and he pelts the chair at Test’s head ala Sabu. Test goes to the apron but Van Dam can’t knock him through the table. Test tries to suplex him through the table in a repeat of the spot from last week with Holly, but Van Dam countered into a sunset powerbomb through the table in a great spot.

We take a break and come back with the arrival of Heyman and security. Back inside and Test low blows Van Dam but Rob manages to clothesline him on the top rope. The recoil sends Van Dam to the floor and the security guards pound on Rob for a bit. That gets two for Test back inside and the Canadian is getting frustrated. Somewhere in there a chair was wedged between the top and middle rope and Rob is launched head first into said chair. Somehow that only gets two and Test is stunned.

Off to a bearhug as Van Dam is in even more trouble. Van Dam escapes but a BIG chair shot to the head gets two. Test removes the buckle from a corner but RVD blocks the shot into it and this a spinwheel kick to put both guys down. Rob goes to the floor for another chair because the four in the ring weren’t enough I guess. After threatening the guards with the chair, he skateboards it into Test’s face in the corner. He loads up Rolling Thunder onto the chair but Test moves, sending Rob’s back into chair only.

With the chair on Van Dam’s face, Test goes up and drops a Cactus Jack elbow (as in he had a chair of his own and slammed it into the other chair) off the top…..for two. Test loads up another table but his powerbomb through it is countered into a sunset flip for two. Snake Eyes onto the exposed buckle is countered and Van Dam hits the top rope kick. After dispatching the guards, Van Dam loads up the Five Star through the table but Big Show comes out and shoves him through the table. A TKO from Test finally gets the pin.

Rating: B. Van Dam is on a roll right now and I’m digging this war with Heyman and his team of lackeys as he’s building up to the big rematch with Show. Test looked good here and after the match last week with Holly, I think it’s fair to call Van Dam an official miracle worker. Another strong match here which would probably be the best match of the week in WWE.

Overall Rating: B. With Van Dam being on fire like he is now, ECW is on a total roll. There are finally clear stories going on up and down the card with Van Dam vs. Heyman being a highlight. The main issue I see with it though is next week. The show ended with Joey guaranteeing someone losing their clothes next week. That flat out is not going to happen, or at least we won’t be able to see it. Also it’s annoying when that’s the focus of the show instead of the good action we’ve been getting. Either way, good show here as ECW has finally gotten it.

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