WWE Vault: Christmas Carnage: Like A Big Stocking (Includes Full Video)
Christmas Carnage
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Michael Hayes, Bobby Heenan, Jerry Lawler
This is the Christmas week contribution from the WWE Vault and that could have some possibilities. WWE has often done something over Christmas and it should be interesting to see what they have brought out of mothballs. There are quite a few options here and some of them are worth a look so let’s get to it.
From Smackdown, December 22, 2006.
Batista is in the ring and Santa Claus comes out with gifts for the fans. Michael Cole even gets a Roddy Piper DVD and shirt (not shown, but that’s what someone with notes from Smackdown from 2006 are for)…but then Santa hits Batista in his bad arm with a pipe. Cue Teddy Long to give Santa a match with Batista.
Batista vs. Santa Claus
Batista’s World Title isn’t on the line and Long might not be the nicest guy to have Batista in the match when he’s already hurt. Santa goes after the bad arm and slams it into the apron for two. Batista drives him into the corner but charges into a boot to the bad arm. A backdrop (looked like a mistimed spinebuster) sets up a spear and the beard comes off to reveal…Sylvan. The spinebuster and Batista Bomb finish at 1:41.
From Superstars, December 23, 1995.
Xanta Klaus vs. Scott Taylor
Yeah this had to be here. Xanta is better known as Balls Mahoney, is from the South Pole, and likes to steal presents. Some hard forearms, a belly to back suplex, and a camel clutch finish for Xanta at 1:31. The match was so short that I didn’t have time to mention Xanta’s manager, Ted DiBiase, doing a split screen interview and promising that the Million Dollar Champion is coming. This was the only match for Xanta, because….well how much of a shelf life was he going to have?
From Monday Night Raw, December 20, 1999.
Mankind is not happy about having to face Santa Claus in a Boiler Room Brawl because he doesn’t want to have to punch the rosy cheeks or kick him in the stomach that shakes like a bowlful of jelly. Cue the Mean Street Posse to jump him and send him into the boiler room, which has him rather disturbed to officially start things off.
Mankind vs. Santa Claus
Santa is in fact in the boiler room and Mankind isn’t sure what to do about this. Santa doesn’t want to put Mankind on the bad list so Mankind offers to let Santa walk out and win in peace. That works for Santa but three other Santas jump Mankind. He’s fine with fighting them and finds a well placed garbage can and some frying pants (in their bag of toys).
The three of them are down but two more are waiting on him and these two happen to be the New Age Outlaws, who have some better luck. Mankind fights back against the two of them like he’s in Championship Mode in No Mercy (SOCKO!) and grabs a mirror, naturally singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire in the process. Another Santa knocks the mirror into his face to shatter it…and since it’s HHH, he tells Mankind to suck it and leaves to win at 3:34.
Rating: C. What in the world do you want me to say about this? It felt like some weird comic book scene with the collection of Santas coming at Mankind, who was almost fighting his nightmare scenario come to life. Like so much from this era, it wasn’t so much a match as a segment with brawling, but this did work for what it was supposed to be.
From Monday Night Raw, December 23, 2012.
Good Santa vs. Bad Santa
YES! This is the one I was hoping would be on here. Here we have a 400lb wig splitting World’s Strongest Santa vs. the Intellectual Santa of the Masses in a battle to save Christmas. The good one hits the bad one in the head to start and opens a package to find a toilet. Bad Santa goes face first into said toilet and they head outside, where the bad one finds a fire extinguisher….which doesn’t work.
The good one takes the pin out and sprays the bad one as commentary argues over whether Santa’s suit is fireproof or Santa himself. The bad one finds a Singapore candy cane to beat on the good one and wreck the (awesome) Christmas decorations, which is just too far for the good one. They fight back to ringside, with the bad one taking a present to the back. The bad one STILL can’t get the fire extinguisher to work so the good one sprays him again, setting up the World’s Strongest Slam (which Cole dubs the Sleigh Ride) for the pin at 3:20.
Rating: A+. I’m a Christmas fanatic and I remember loving this match live. It still holds up today as they absolutely knew the assignment and had a comedy brawl which didn’t overstay its welcome. That’s exactly what wrestling should be at times and it worked very well, with Henry being lovable and Sandow being the snob. Great stuff.
Post match Henry pulls out some cupcakes (he approves) and slams them into Sandow’s face. JBL: “Jimmy Stewart is rolling over in his grave right now.”
From Monday Night Raw, December 23, 2019.
We’re near the streets of New York City, where Santa Claus sends R-Truth over to his sled and then jumps Akira Tozawa to win the 24/7 Title. Of note: Santa was played by future AEW star Bear Bronson.
From Wrestling Challenge, November 27, 1993.
Doink The Clown is brought out for an interview, where he is told that there can only be ONE Doink in the WWF. Apparently he has drawn the ire of Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon, but he doesn’t care because he loves Christmas. Cue Santa Claus to hug Doink, who started off badly but has gotten a lot better. His present is in the bag, and it’s……a mini Doink! Actually that won’t work, as there can only be ONE Doink….so we’ll just call him Dink! Yeah sure why not. Dink leaves in a wagon and Heenan hopes he goes to play on the interstate.
From a Superstars taping in what looks like late 1992.
We meet Santa’s helpers from the South Pole: a couple of guys who whack their arms around and call each other Cousin Luke and Cousin Butch. They seem to love Christmas and remember their mother singing them Christmas songs (if they’re cousins, why do they have the same…..never mind). The interviewer is licked and toys are dispensed to the fans.
From World Class Championship Wrestling, December 25, 1983.
Michael Hayes dresses up like Santa and jumps the Von Erichs after a tag match. Mike Von Erich gets piledriven.
Overall Rating: B. Again, I love it when they throw in a few curves here and there with some actual interesting moments. Rather than doing a bunch of lame stuff that doesn’t matter, they went with stuff that a lot of fans probably haven’t thought of in a long time and it makes these things so much more fun. I love the Henry vs. Sandow match and the Mankind deal was a nice flashback. This could have been a lot longer but at just shy of thirty minutes, it’s hard to get too annoyed.
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Monday Night Raw – December 24, 2007 (Tribute To The Troops): They Do This Well
Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2007
Location: Camp Speicher, Tikrit, Iraq
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It’s the annual Tribute To The Troops show and this time around it happens to air on Christmas Eve. I can’t imagine that is going to go well for the audience numbers but this is a special show that gets some special treatment. The match quality isn’t going to be the point here either but let’s get to it.
We open with a look at the United States Army helping the Iraqi people and a voiceover about how important this whole thing is.
Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho
Non-title. Jericho goes with an armdrag to start and Orton is a bit frustrated early on. Some choking in the corner annoys Jericho, who comes back out with an armdrag into an armbar. A dropkick to the leg takes Orton down again and Jericho elbows him in the head. They head outside with Jericho chopping away, then borrowing a soldier’s camera for a quick photo (that was cool). The distraction lets Orton get in a quick shot to the ribs though and there’s the hanging DDT as we take a break.
Back with Jericho fighting out of a chinlock but getting kneed in the ribs to put him right back down. The knee drop misses so Orton grabs a sleeper, which he switches straight into another chinlock. Jericho finally belly to back suplexes his way to freedom, followed by the missile dropkick for two. The enziguri into the bulldog sets up the Lionsault for a slightly delayed near fall but Orton goes to the eye. There’s the backbreaker to drop Jericho but he’s fine enough to counter the RKO into the Walls….and JBL’s music rings, with the bell making Jericho think he won. Then JBL gets in the ring for the DQ.
Rating: C+. They had a fun match (with the camera spot being worth a smile), though the DQ finish is a bit of an odd choice in a non-title match on a show like this one. Maybe WWE didn’t want to dampen the soldiers’ spirits by saying “yeah but he doesn’t win the title”, but it was kind of a strange feeling. At least Jericho vs. JBL should be fine going forward and a good way for JBL to get back in the ring.
Post match Orton hits Jericho with the RKO and heads off, leaving Jericho to eat the Clothesline From JBL.
Long video on the WWE people meeting the troops, including Vince McMahon asking two women which is grabbing, uh, him, during a photo.
Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito
Non-title. Again. Carlito backs into the corner to start, with Hardy getting smart by hitting a dropkick to the back to stagger him anyway. Hardy’s headlock doesn’t last long so Carlito tries a leapfrog, which is countered into something like a spinebuster (that might have been some miscommunication).
Back up and Carlito sends him into the ropes, where Hardy slides outside and high fives the front row (that could have easily been a regular spot). They switch places and Hardy hits a baseball slide, only to get caught with the Backstabber back inside. A quick Sling Blade gives Hardy two but the Twist of Fate is countered into a swinging neckbreaker for two. Carlito loads up the apple (as he is known to do) but walks into the Twist of Fate. The Swanton finishes for Hardy.
Rating: C. Totally simple match between the two here and that’s all this should have been. What matters is giving the fans a nice moment, though I’m even more confused why this wasn’t a title match. If Hardy is going over clean, why not have it be a title defense?
The troops talk about what they miss about America but they love putting up military art to spice things up a bit and make it a bit more their own. Cool.
We hear a story about a suicide bomber killing 19 soldiers in a mess hall. Not so cool.
Quick video on the progress that has been made so far.
Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. He gets straight to the point and thanks the troops for everything they do. With that simple message out of the way, let’s bring out the Divas.
Kelly Kelly/Layla vs. Maria/Mickie James
Yeah they’re over with this crowd. Joined in progress with Layla working on Maria’s wrist before we’re off to the catfight. Kelly comes in and gets kicked in the ribs as Lawler is having all of the fun you would expect here. Mickie comes in to avoid Kelly’s handspring elbow in the corner and gets in the required spanking. Everything breaks down and Maria and Mickie hit stereo Bronco Busters….but Vince stops the match.
Vince says the soldiers have gotten enough of this and Santa Claus IS NOT COMING TO IRAQ! Cue Santa, with his arm in a sling, to call Santa naughty. Vince didn’t want Santa coming here but he didn’t realize that Santa’s sleigh was built Army strong. Santa remembers that Vince stole a magazine from a convenience store as a kid.
Vince doesn’t buy it but Santa has a letter from Vince as a child (Santa: “It’s over 100 years old!”). See, Vince wanted a rooster as a child, plus a Red Rider BB gun! Vince pulls the beard off and it’s John Cena (shocking I know), who hits a one armed FU. With that out of the way, Santa has the Divas throw out gifts from his sack for the feel good moment.
Video on the progress the military has made in recent months.
There was a re-enlistment ceremony in the arena.
More wrestlers meet more troops.
The military has taken over a soccer stadium where the Iraqi national team was killed for losing a game. That stadium is where this show is taking place.
Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry
Henry shoves him down to start but Mysterio is dumb enough to hammer away. Some headbutts put Rey in the corner but he comes back again with a few dropkicks. A gorilla press drop gives Henry two and we hit the bearhug. Rey bites his way to freedom and gets clotheslined for another two. The splash misses though and a springboard seated senton gives Rey two of his own. Henry misses a charge in the corner and gets hit with the 619. Another springboard seated senton and a rollup are enough to give Rey the pin.
Rating: C. It’s as much of a David vs. Goliath match as you can get and Mysterio has known how to wrestle those for the better part of ever. All he had to do was keep moving and make Henry miss and he would be fine, which is exactly how the match went. Nothing wrong with this one as it’s pretty much Mysterio’s bread and butter most of the time.
Soldiers tell stories about improvised explosive devices injuring them at various times.
John Cena explains various military vehicles and a soldier gets to say hello to his family.
Raw Rebound.
Chris Jericho talks about his trip, ranging from the 16 hour flight to meeting troops.
D-Generation X vs. Mr. Kennedy/Umaga
We’re joined in progress with Shawn atomic dropping Kennedy and dropping him (less atomically) him again with some right hands. Umaga breaks up an early superkick attempt to give Kennedy two before coming in to headbutt Shawn. There’s a knee drop for two as the fans get behind Shawn rather quickly. It’s back to Kennedy for the front facelock before Umaga puts on the nerve hold.
An uppercut stops Shawn’s comeback attempt and Kennedy’s Regal Roll gets two. The middle rope splash misses for Umaga though and it is time to clean house. HHH goes through his usual array of offense before getting run over by Umaga to cut that off fast. The Samoan Spike is broken up by the superkick through and it’s another superkick to send Kennedy into the Pedigree for the pin.
Rating: C+. This is another match that could have headlined dozens of house shows and it did well enough here. What matters is the good guys going over to send the troops out happy and they did that just fine. It wasn’t exactly a complicated match but they made things work with the basic match they were trying to have.
Some troops get to pose with DX.
One more music video of WWE meeting the troops wraps us up.
Overall Rating: B-. This is one of those shows where the ratings don’t matter whatsoever and that was definitely the case this year. The matches were all basic and the highlights were the videos of WWE interacting with the troops. It’s not supposed to be a regular show but they got the point across and had some fine enough matches along the way, so we’ll call it good.
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Tribute To The Troops 2006 Date: December 25, 2006
Location: Camp Victory, Baghdad, Iraq
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s time for a pretty cool tradition as this is the annual Tribute To The Troops show. This time around they are over in Iraq for a show where the wrestling does not mean a thing and we get to see a bunch of wrestlers and celebrities talk about how great the military is. This may or may not be your cup of beverage but let’s get to it.
The opening video looks at the history of the USO and others helping to entertaining the troops. Tonight, WWE will be doing exactly the same.
John Cena vs. Edge
Non-title. Cena takes him down with a headlock takeover but Edge gets to his feet and takes it into the corner. That earns him a hiptoss and slam for two but Cena misses a charge and walks into a DDT. Some right hands in the corner keep Cena in trouble until he gets dropped face first onto the top turnbuckle. A clothesline cuts Cena off again and he heads to the apron, meaning it’s time for a slugout. Cena gets knocked off the top and out to the floor, setting up the baseball slide as we take a break.
Back with Edge working on a bodyscissors to stay on the ribs but Cena fights up. The Throwback drops Edge again and it’s time for a double breather. There’s a big boot to give Edge two but he takes too much time grabbing a chair, allowing Cena to get two off a rollup. A spinwheel kick sets up a quickly broken camel clutch on Cena, who starts the expected comeback. The FU is countered into the Impaler though and Edge goes up top….where he gets caught by Cena, only to counter into an electric chair to put Cena down again. The spear hits corner though and the FU finishes Edge.
Rating: C+. Pretty much a house show main event here, which these two have had probably a hundred times by now. Granted this isn’t a show where the wrestling itself is going to matter whatsoever. You aren’t going to have the All American Boy losing here though and it isn’t like anyone losing to Cena is hurt whatsoever. Is there a reason they didn’t make this a title match though?
A General gave a nice speech about WWE and giving the soldiers some Americana.
Video on wrestlers interacting with troops.
CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin wish the troops and their families a happy holidays.
CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin
Shelton jumps him to start but the threat of a right hand sends him outside as we get some credits for the military people who helped air the show. Back in and Punk is sent shoulder first into the post, setting up a rather logical shoulder breaker. Punk fights out of an armbar but a hair pull puts him right back down. That means a second armbar for Punk to fight out of, setting up some kicks into a bulldog. A military helicopter flies by as Shelton jumps the corner to grab a superplex for two. The Stinger Splash misses though and Punk grabs a rollup for the pin.
Rating: C. Much quicker match here and it worked well enough. Punk winning by fluke is the right way to go as he isn’t ready for a dominant win over Benjamin, but you can see that WWE has some plans for him. Good enough match here with the arm work and Punk won, meaning there isn’t much to complain about.
Some troops say hi and one gets pinned.
Johnny Nitro vs. Undertaker
Melina is here too and this could be interesting. Undertaker’s entrance doesn’t work as well in the light, but the lack of hat and coat is understandable in the desert. Nitro dodges around to start and gets in a few right hands in the corner. That earns him a quick toss into the same corner and some much bigger right hands as the dominance begins. Undertaker starts cranking on the arm and Old School connects. Nitro slips out of the Last Ride though and hits an enziguri but Undertaker clotheslines him down. Snake Eyes into the big boot sets up the chokeslam and it’s a Tombstone for the fast pin.
Rating: C. Another short and to the point match here with Undertaker’s appearance alone giving the soldiers a thrill. I believe this is the only singles match that these two would ever have, which is kind of surprising as you would think they might have met each other down the line at some point. Still though, just a quick near squash here and for a show like this, that’s the right idea.
Undertaker poses for a good while.
Earlier today, Lilian Garcia sang the National Anthem, which as usual, is great.
Wrestlers and troops say seasons greetings.
Video on wrestlers interacting with troops and doing military things when mortar attacks went off. Everyone had to go and take cover, which is quite the moment.Fourteen soldiers were injured.
Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly
Non-title. Lashley drives him into the corner to start and busts out the gorilla press, which always looks good. A shoulder puts Holly down again and a snap suplex gets two. There’s the delayed vertical suplex for the same and they go outside, where Holly sends him hard into the steps. Back in and Holly sends the shoulder into the post, setting up the armbar. Lashley fights up and slaps on a torture rack, which he drops down into a backbreaker for another two. Holly gets in his own suplex but Lashley grabs a running powerslam for the pin.
Rating: C-. Another short and to the point match here with Lashley, the ex-military guy, getting to look pretty dominant in the win. Lashley is the next big thing in ECW and it is making him feel like a much bigger deal, even if he is stuck beating up people like Holly and Test every so often.
An Iraqi Army captain explains some of what the two militaries are doing.
Wrestlers meet troops and do stuff.
Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy
Non-title. Hardy hammers away to start but gets knocked down without much effort. The sitdown splash misses though and they head outside with Umaga sending him into the post. Another ram into the barricade keeps Hardy in trouble and they head back inside for a kick to the spine. The nerve hold goes on to keep Hardy down but Umaga’s top rope splash misses. Hardy is back up with the Whisper in the Wind for two and there’s the Twist of Fate. The Swanton only hits knees though and Umaga unloads in the corner. The running hip attack sets up the Samoan Spike to put Hardy away.
Rating: C. Ok then. I’m not sure what the point was in having the champion lose here but again, it isn’t like it matters. Umaga is on a roll at this point and we are going to be getting a heck of a showdown with Cena at the pay per view. Going over Hardy makes Umaga look good, though it is kind of weird to see a champion getting mostly squashed.
The Director of Armed Forces Entertainment gives a lieutenant the 2.6 millionth letter the military has received.
Carlito vs. Randy Orton
Carlito’s headlock doesn’t last long to start so he goes with the left hands in the corner instead. An armdrag sets up an armbar but Orton pokes him in the eye and hits a dropkick. A swinging side slam gives Orton two and we hit the chinlock. Carlito fights up for the slugout and the springboard elbow to the face gets two. The RKO is countered into the Backstabber but Orton grabs the ropes to save himself. A rollup with feet on the ropes gets two so Carlito rolls him up and grabs the trunks for the pin.
Rating: C-. They couldn’t have had Carlito lose to Umaga and have Hardy win here? Anyway, Carlito continues to not be the most inspiring guy and having him beat Orton feels a bit out of place. The fans seemed to like the cheating win at the end though and it’s nice to give the soldiers something to cheer.
Santa meets some of the women, who have been naughty this year.
Some troops worked in one of Saddam Hussein’s palaces.
And now, JBL Claus (pull your beard up man). Santa talks about how great the troops are and brings out Krystal, Maria and Torrie to meet some troops. Santa: “Does Santa Claus rock or what?” We get some jokes about how the women look and then Santa has them throw out some gifts. This goes on for a good bit until Chris Masters comes out to interrupt.
Masters says he hates Christmas and doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He doesn’t like the way the troops drool over Santa’s helpers, so let’s have a Masterlock Challenge for one of the troops. Well hang on a second, as first he is challenging Santa to the Masterlock Challenge. The hold goes on and JR thinks Rudolph needs to make a save. Santa is out and Masters wins, saying there is no Christmas (because Masters doesn’t get that Santa has already done his work for the year).
Masters looks for a soldier to take the challenge and picks one of the smallest around. The Masterlock goes on again and this time JBL comes in to break kick Masters in the back….which is enough to break the hold and the soldier wins. JBL and the women say Merry Christmas to wrap it up.
One more long video on the trip ends the show.
Overall Rating: C. I never know how to rate a show like this but this is the very basic version compared to what the show would become. What we got here was good enough though as the wrestling was fine enough and it still felt special. Above all else, the idea of going over to Iraq makes the show come off as important. WWE putting in some effort is nice and this worked out rather well for a Christmas night special.
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Smackdown – December 22, 2006: That Man Just Beat Up Santa Claus!
Smackdown Date: December 22, 2006
Location: Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
We are done with Armageddon and pretty much a grand total of nothing happened. The main event saw John Cena joining forces with Batista to beat King Booker and Finlay. Other than that, Kane and Undertaker beat up MVP and Mr. Kennedy to presumably end both of those feuds. That means we have about a month to get to the Royal Rumble so let’s get to it.
King Booker, Queen Sharmell and Finlay are in Teddy Long’s office and demanding a rematch with Batista and John Cena. That isn’t happening, but they can have Kane and Undertaker instead. This does not go well.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Batista to get things going. He wishes us a Happy Holidays and even has red trunks on in celebration. It was a good ending to the year and he is going to start the new year even better, because he is World Heavyweight Champion. Cue Santa Claus (JBL: “I don’t need presents. I’m rich.”) with some presents, including a shirt and Roddy Piper DVD for Cole. Batista gets some candy canes, which he throws into the crowd, but Santa hits him in his bad arm with a pipe. Cue Teddy Long and the match is on.
Santa Claus vs. Batista
Santa charges in and goes after the arm, including slamming it into the apron. Batista uses the good arm to hit a clothesline and spear, which reveals that it’s Sylvan as Santa. The spinebuster and Batista Bomb finish Santa in a hurry. This was harmless Christmas fun.
We look at Chris Benoit retaining the US Title over Chavo Guerrero at Armageddon.
Tribute to the Troops video.
US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo is defending and has Vickie Guerrero with him. The fans are all over Chavo as he pounds away in the corner to start. That earns him a hard whip into another corner and the snap suplex gives Benoit two. Back up and Chavo gets in some forearms, setting up a whip into the corner of his own. A small package gives Benoit two and there’s the first German suplex. Another is blocked though and they fall outside as we take a break.
Back with Chavo holding a waistlock until Benoit belly to back suplexes his way to freedom. An over the shoulder backbreaker gives Chavo two but he has to break out of a quick Sharpshooter attempt. Benoit tries it again but gets kicked away again, allowing Chavo to hit a running knee to the ribs. Some chops have Chavo staggered though and there are the rolling German suplexes. The Swan Dive gets two and the Crossface goes on, drawing in Vickie with the title for the DQ.
Rating: C. I’m not quite sure why we needed a rematch here but the ending might set them up for another rematch. I don’t think the feud has that kind of legs, though that has never stopped WWE before. Maybe they have some kind of twist coming for it later, but for now, this is losing steam in a hurry.
Post match Benoit stares Vickie down but walks away without going near her. Chavo yells at Vickie and knocks her down himself. Benoit comes back in to check on Vickie and gets jumped by Chavo.
King Booker is worried about the tag match tonight but Finlay says they can do this. That’s enough to convince Booker.
Here is Gregory Helms for a chat. Helms says he is ready to move up to the heavyweight division because he needs some competition….and here is Boogeyman to interrupt. Helms’ shots to the back do nothing so he runs away from the threat of worms. Ring announcer Tony Chimmel says Boogeyman’s catchphrase for no logical reason and gets wormed instead.
Here is Joey Mercury, whose face looks horrible after Sunday’s ladder match, for a chat. Mercury talks about his injuries and we see what happened, which is even worse in slow motion. He holds the Hardys responsible for what happened because he has lost 50% of the vision in his left eye. His movie star good looks are gone and it might be forever!
Cue Matt Hardy, to say no one meant for this to happen. It was a ladder match for the Tag Team Titles and that’s a dangerous place to be. Any of them could have been hurt and that is the price you could pay, but nothing was intentional. Matt goes to leave but Mercury doesn’t like Matt saying it was “unfortunate”. The challenge is on but Matt isn’t going to fight someone as banged up as Mercury is right now. That’s fine with Mercury, because Matt can fight this guy.
Matt Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro
Melina is here with Nitro, who jumps Matt before the bell. The beating is on in a hurry with Matt falling out to the floor, where Nitro stays on him in a hurry. Back in and Matt hits a bulldog for two but Nitro is back with some right hands to the face. Nitro grabs a ladder from underneath the ring (this can’t end well) and we take a break.
Back with Hardy knocking him down and they get a quick breather (and the ladder nowhere in sight). It’s Hardy getting back up first but Melina grabs his foot, allowing Nitro to hit an enziguri out to the floor. The springboard kick to the face misses though and they’re both down again. Some knees and a kick to the face give Hardy two and a neckbreaker sets up the middle rope legdrop for two. Nitro comes right back with a backslide and throws his feet on the ropes for the pin.
Rating: C. Perfectly logical match here, though I’m not sure how much vindication there is for Mercury to have Nitro win with a backslide. The ladder part was kind of weird as it just came and went with nothing changing. There are a few ways they could go with this, but until Mercury is back healthy, it is going to be Nitro on his own, assuming he doesn’t get a new partner. Mercury’s face alone gives it some interest though and that’s a good thing.
Here is JBL in the ring for a chat. He isn’t happy with Teddy Long bringing back all these horrible matches, including the Inferno match. On Sunday, we saw a man burning (with JBL referring to MVP as a corpse) and he had to be put out. That is Long’s doing so JBL wants him out here right now for an apology.
Long doesn’t show up, so JBL blames the fans, going into a rant about how they keep demanding more, no matter what happens to the wrestlers. Rome did not fall because of the gladiators but because of the sick people in the stands. No one will pay to see them though, and they might even bring down America. JBL can sell something like this, though this feels like it is going to be the start of something long.
Ashley/Layla vs. Krystal/Jillian Hall
Ashley slams Krystal down to start as we hear about Ashley’s Playboy short. JBL complains about the lack of closeups of Layla as Jillian knees her down and sends her head first into the mat a few times. Jillian’s handspring elbow hits raised boots in the corner and it’s off to Ashley to clean house. Everything breaks down and Krystal breaks up a monkey flip out of the corner. Layla breaks up a monkey flip though and Ashley drops a middle rope elbow for the pin.
Rating: D. You can only get so annoyed at four women who were given the bare minimum of training and then sent out there on national TV. As usual, this was about getting the good looking women in revealing outfits in the ring so you can only get so mad at the whole thing. Bad match of course, but were you expecting anything else?
Vladimir Kozlov is very excited and shouts in Russian a lot.
King Booker/Finlay vs. Kane/Undertaker
Queen Sharmell is here with Booker/Finlay. Booker ducks a clothesline from Undertaker to start but the stalking is on in a hurry. Undertaker hammers him down in the corner and lifts Booker up by one arm. Old School connects with Booker but he breaks up the same thing to Finlay. A top rope superplex brings Undertaker back down for two and it’s off to Finlay for….actually for a kind of intriguing match.
Undertaker catches him with a running DDT and Kane comes in to clean house. Uppercuts abound and the side slam gets two on Booker. The threat of double chokeslams send the villains outside and us to a break. Back with Kane choking Booker in the corner, allowing Undertaker to add the apron legdrop. Finlay breaks up a cover but Kane is fine enough to drag Booker into the corner to keep up the beating. Booker gets in a shot to the face and brings Finlay back in, where he walks into Snake Eyes.
The big boot drops Finlay again but Booker low bridges Undertaker to the floor. Apparently Kane got a tag in there somewhere (Cole is confused as well) and Booker dropkicks him out of the air. Finlay drops Undertaker on the floor and goes inside for a chinlock. Booker takes Finlay’s place and chairs Undertaker down, with the distraction allowing Finlay to hit Kane with the shillelagh. Kane kicks Booker down though and somehow Undertaker is back up to get the hot tag. House is cleaned in a hurry and the Tombstone (Cole: “This may make Finlay think he’s an Englishman!”) finishes Finlay.
Rating: C-. Not awful here, but it was pretty clear that they wanted to get done with this and take their Christmas vacation. It isn’t like losing to Undertaker and Kane is going to hurt Booker and Finlay, the latter of whom more or less exists for the sake of taking losses. Booker is already falling down the Smackdown depth chart, but I’m curious to see where all four of them go from here.
Overall Rating: C-. This was far from a serious show, but it was hardly some disaster. They dealt with some fallout from the pay per view and did just enough to make it feel like a regular TV show. Nothing was too horrible and odds are next week is a Best Of show anyway, meaning it’s off to 2007 from here.
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Main Event – December 16, 2016: Making My Christmas Merry
Main Event Date: December 15, 2016
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Corey Graves
The dates on these shows continue to be all over the place as you hear about the show being on Friday but it’s already available, making me wonder why I care about these things in the first place. It’s been firmly established that this show has been taken over by the unstoppable force that is Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
SWEET! IT’S ANOTHER SPECIAL EPISODE! I’m assuming nothing was taped due to 205 Live being moved to Monday this week as Tuesday was Tribute to the Troops.
We’ll start with a match from Raw.
TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
An early wristlock doesn’t get Kendrick very far and he has to bail from the kneebar. The Wrecking Ball dropkick knocks Brian outside and we take a break. Back with Perkins hitting a jumping spin kick to the head and a springboard missile dropkick for two. The Captain’s Hook is countered into the kneebar so Kendrick dives over to the ropes. Back up and Sliced Bread #2 gives Kendrick the pin at 8:24.
Rating: C-. So flash back to any time these two have fought in the last few months and update the details as necessary. This wasn’t interesting because neither of the wrestlers are interesting. The triple threat has some potential but for the life of me I never need to see these two fight again.
Our first flashback shows Kane and Daniel Bryan exchanging presents. Bryan gets a Slammy and Kane gets…..a puppy! Kane: “Thanks. I’m starving!” Bryan: “NO! NO! NO!” I miss these two together.
And now, Ebenezer Piper. Oh this could be glorious. Jacob Marley comes to visit and tells him that three guests will be visiting the rotten Piper tonight. First up is the Ghost of Christmas Past and Piper makes jokes about his shoes. This goes nowhere so the Ghost of Christmas Present shows Piper how bad the Cratchits have things this year. Piper won’t give up his Scotch tape (it doesn’t make much more sense in context) so the Ghost leaves.
Finally we have the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (Piper: “You don’t shave under your arms do you?”) and of course he shows Piper his grave. Roddy throws him out and that’s it. This really wasn’t funny and it’s just the standard Christmas Carol with Piper doing some of his standard jokes.
Long video on Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte.
We go back to December 2001 with the Rock in the ring talking about Test. Rock likes Test so much that he’s going to sing a little rendition of the 12 Days of Christmas. He lists off some things that Test is going to go through, including five seconds of the people chanting the Rock’s name. This was really fast but I’d completely buy Rock doing this off the cuff.
Back in 2012, Alberto Del Rio hit Santa with his car. This set up Cena vs. Del Rio in a Miracle on 34th Street Fight and I think you can get the idea. During the match, Santa took a turn for the worse but, with his heart rate monitor to the beat of Jingle Bells, he came out to help Cena get the win. It turned out that Santa had a sock in his belt and a certain Mandible Claw was used.
Back in 1990, Bobby Heenan gave Gorilla Monsoon a banana. Heenan got some tools, which he used to break the janitor’s present. It turns out he got things a bit backwards though and broke his own present: a Rolex. Cue the wah wah wah music.
In 1997, a kid told Santa he wasn’t real so Steve Austin came out and Stunned the imposter for not knowing what Austin wanted when he was six. Jim Cornette: “He cracked Kris’ Kringle!”
We see the last ten seconds of New Day’s first triple threat win, plus the events that set up the main event. Only the last few minutes of the main event airs but New Day breaks the record. We also get the post match spear to Kevin Owens.
A rundown of Sunday’s card wraps up the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This is a situation where your individual tastes will vary wildly. This show wasn’t about much other than filling in time because they didn’t tape anything new. I’d much rather see something like this than just Raw matches though and it’s always cool to crack open the video library. Other than that pretty bad Piper thing, all of the clips were either short enough to not be bad or funny enough on their own. Good show this week and instantly more entertaining than two jobbers having a dull match.
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Monday Night Raw – December 24, 2012: If This Doesn’t Make Them Cheer Cena, Nothing Will
Monday Night Raw Date: December 24, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Greetings and welcome to the dumbest idea WWE has had in YEARS. That’s right, it’s a three hour show on CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE. You know, the night when the target audience goes to bed early to make sure they’re up early the next morning. I’m REALLY not looking forward to this and odds are it’s going to suck because they don’t want to waste good ideas. Let’s get to it.
We open with the roster singing a WWE themed Christmas carol which to be fair is pretty funny stuff.
Here’s Santa Claus to be guest host tonight. He’s handing out presents….and gets run over by Alberto’s car. In something I never thought I’d have to say, Santa does a stretcher job. He gives a thumb up as we take a break. This was so campy that it was hilarious.
Back with Booker telling everyone to get through the night because that’s what Santa would want. Everyone yells at Del Rio when Cena comes in to really rub it in. Alberto says it wasn’t his fault, so Booker makes Cena vs. Del Rio in a Miracle on 34th Street Fight. Cena: “I’LL DO IT FOR SANTA!”
Cody Rhodes vs. Kane
Kane throws him around to start but Cody comes back with a dropkick to the knee. Rhodes is sent to the floor but manages to send Kane’s arm into the post from the outside. Not bad. Back in and a middle rope dropkick gets one on Kane. Cole: “Kane is in his Christmas gear in red here.” Cody works over the arm as the match slows down a lot. A side slam puts Cody back down and there’s the clothesline from the top. Rhodes goes after the arm to block the chokeslam and hits the Disaster Kick to the shoulder. That means absolutely nothing as the chokeslam pins Cody at 5:53.
Rating: C. Just a match here as the Scholars and HELL NO continue to fight despite the champs beating them every single time they’ve fought. I don’t know of anyone who has fallen further in a year than Cody has, as he hasn’t done a thing of note this year aside from grow an overly popular mustache. Nothing to see here.
Rosa Mendes/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox/Natalya/Kaitlyn/Layla
Natalya and Aksana start things off as this is your usual excuse to have eight chicks in sexy Christmas outfits. Aksana gets beaten up so it’s off to Alicia who is thrown around by the hair. Off to Layla who I’m digging as a blonde. Rosa distracts Layla so Tamina can get in a shot so the match can drag on even longer. Layla finally comes back with a dropkick and it’s off to Kaitlyn to clean house. A shoulder gets two on Eve and everything breaks down. We get the parade of finishers (Aksana’s is a spinebuster) and Kaitlyn pins Eve at 5:27 after a gutbuster.
Rating: D. Eve looked great, Layla looked great, the rest didn’t look bad, that’s it. These matches happen every year and no one cares other than 13 year old boys. Kaitlyn needs to beat Eve for the freaking title already so no one can care anymore for the next few months again. Nothing to see here.
AJ and Dolph cuddle up and watch TLC.
We recap Santa’s injuries.
Here are some lumberjacks for the next match.
Big Show vs. Sheamus
Lumberjack match as I said. They shove each other around to start until Sheamus grabs a headlock. This is non-title as well. Show shoves him around a bit but gets guillotined on the top rope, allowing Sheamus to hit the ten forearms and the shoulder off the top. The Brogue Kick is loaded up but Show hits the floor and we hit a break.
Back with Show running over Sheamus before cranking on Sheamus’ arm. He even sings a Christmas song as he cranks. Sheamus grabs Show’s nose to escape but a slam attempt doesn’t work. We head to the floor where the lumberjacks work over Sheamus as they’re required to do. Back in and Sheamus is suplexed down for no cover, allowing Tensai to get in a cheap shot on Sheamus.
Show goes for some punches in the corner but Sheamus comes out of it with an electric chair drop. Cool visual there. Sheamus pounds away but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the champ is getting frustrated. We hit a LONG bearhug until Sheamus punches his way out of it. Sheamus pounds away in the corner but gets caught by a clothesline for two.
A big old elbow gets two more for Show so he loads up the Vader Bomb. Naturally it misses so there’s White Noise for two. A Brogue Kick is blocked and the pale one is sent to the floor, triggering another brawl. Back in and Show misses the WMD, allowing Sheamus to hit a GREAT Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:00.
Rating: C+. These two work well together as always, but it doesn’t say much when a PPV match is now thrown onto TV with the world champion getting pinned 100% clean in the middle of the ring. Sheamus vs. Show simply does not need to continue, but since there are barely any top heels on Smackdown anymore, what else is Sheamus supposed to do?
Sheamus and the good lumberjacks clear the ring.
We get the Miz segment with the Muppets from Tribute to the Troops.
Here’s Otunga to explain why Santa was at fault earlier. Cue Ryder to say how stupid this is and squash Otunga.
Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga
Ryder starts fast and gets two off some clotheslines. Otunga takes it into the corner and pounds away a bit before getting two off a posing neckbreaker. We hit an early chinlock which goes nowhere, so Otunga goes back to the clotheslines. Back to the chinlock as we have another match that is going on longer than it has any right to do. Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff like the middle rope dropkick and the Broski Boot. After the first one is blocked, the Rough Ryder gets the pin at 4:53.
Rating: D. If it wasn’t clear earlier that they were filling in time tonight with anything they could find, I think they’ve proven it now. Nothing to see here but the fans still respond to Ryder. Not like he should have another shot or anything, because he’s just done in a few months what writers can’t accomplish in months: getting himself over.
Booker and Teddy are in the back when Brad Maddox comes in. The usual results follow and his opponent will be an elf.
Kofi Kingston/The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro/Wade Barrett
Miz and Cesaro start things off with Antonio shoving him around with ease. Now Miz frustrates Cesaro before hitting a flapjack for two. Barrett comes in and pounds away a bit before getting dropkicked down for two. Off to Kofi to work on the English dude’s arm. Wade bails from Trouble in Paradise and here’s Cesaro again. A kind of spinebuster puts Kofi down and the heels take over again.
Barrett comes back in for a surfboard hold, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. There’s the gutwrench suplexe from Cesaro and we hit a fast chinlock. Kofi kicks him away and there’s the not very hot tag to Miz. He cleans house on Barrett before hitting the top rope ax handle for no cover. The Finale is broken up by Cesaro but Miz kicks Wade into the ropes. Kofi kicks Wade in the head, allowing Miz to hit the Finale for the pin at 5:56. Barrett got pinned if that wasn’t clear.
Rating: C-. Not much to see here but they’re still trying to give Miz a push no matter how awkward it’s coming off so far. At least they’re trying hard for once. Other than that though, nothing to see as AGAIN they’re just letting these feuds continue for the sake of letting them continue. Wasn’t Miz feuding with Sandow though?
Santa is still hurt.
AJ gives Ziggler his MITB case and takes off her robe to reveal a Ziggler shirt and her tiny shorts. Kissing ensues.
Brad Maddox vs. Great Khali
Maddox tells Khali that he (Khali) isn’t an elf. Maddox gets the chest chops that he deserves and is sent to the floor where Horny works him over a bit. Brad goes after the knee and takes Khali down, working on the knee in the process. A chop puts Maddox down but he poses from one knee. Brad goes to the middle rope, gets chopped, clotheslined and hit with a Punjabi Plunge for the pin at 3:12 Screw rating this. It was a squash and that’s it.
Khali and Horny sing and dance.
Here are Punk and Heyman to make fun of Christmas carols and Pittsburgh. Punk makes fun of the Steelers by saying he’s a Cubs fan. Girl in the audience: “WHO ARE THE CUBS?” Idiot. Punk says Ryback has ruined Christmas and Hanukah, but has Ryback been punished? Of course not. Instead, he gets a title shot on the first Raw of the new year. Maybe Ryback should get a shot if there was ANY proof that Punk was working with Maddox or the Shield, but there’s no proof of that at all.
Punk complains about being in rehab and physical therapy over the holidays, unlike the Pittsburgh fans who are out bar hopping. Heyman talks about how Punk has been the victim of a conspiracy over the last 400 days. Ryback has failed in both of his title shots but he’s getting a third. Cue Ryback, who announces that the match on the seventh is a TLC match. He starts a TLC match and that’s that.
Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow
It’s a battle of the classical music. Bryan shouts NO at Sandow when Sandow asks for silence. Bryan tries a fast NO Lock but Damien heads to the floor where Bryan hits the knee off the apron. Back in and there’s a running dropkick in the corner for one for Daniel. There’s the moonsault out of the corner by Bryan and it’s time for the kicks to the chest. A big kick misses though and Sandow rolls him up for tow.
Bryan is sent to the apron and into the buckle, knocking him to the outside. A few shots into the apron get two for Damien and we hit the chinlock. Sandow hits the Russian legsweep and Wind-Up Elbow for two. He loads up a superplex but gets knocked down, but Bryan misses the swan dive. Not that it matters as there’s the NO Lock for the tap out at 5:38.
Rating: C+. Another decent match here that really accomplished nothing. We get it: the champs can beat the Scholars. They’ve done it about ten times now, which means I’d bet on the Scholars getting the titles before the end of the Rumble. The match itself was fine, but there was nothing to remember in it at all.
Prime Time Players/Tensai/3MB vs. Brodus Clay/Santino Marella/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd/Usos
Take 12 guys, throw them into a tag match I guess. Brodus and Young start and Darren has his arm worked on. Off to Tyson who continues the idea before hitting some dropkicks. Off to Tensai who suplexes Gabriel, only to get kicked in the face. Hot tag brings in Santino who gets taken down by Mahal. Off to Jey vs. O’Neal as we try to get everyone into the match.
Titus throws him around but gets sent into the corner, allowing for double tags to Jimmy and Slater. A Bubba Bomb puts Heath down and there’s the running Umaga attack in the corner. Everything breaks down and Brodus runs over everyone. Finishers are hit everywhere until everyone hits a big move on Slater. Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash on him for the pin at 6:13.
Rating: D+. Not much to see here but the ending with a bunch of finishers hitting in a row is almost always cool. The tag division is falling down again as only about two teams are getting to do anything anymore. Still though, at least these guys are getting on TV which is more than they’ve done in awhile.
HELL NO exchanges presents. Bryan gets a Slammy and Kane gets a puppy. Kane: “Thanks! I’m starving!” Bryan loses it and takes the puppy back.
AJ and Dolph read the Night Before Christmas, with AJ enjoying beating up Cena far too much. That’s a running theme tonight. The make out under some mistletoe and knock over the Christmas tree.
Santa is still unconscious but his heart monitor starts playing Jingle Bells. His feet start knocking together, and the fans ERUPT. You can’t beat the classics.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
Street fight here. Cena pounds away in the corner to start and we quickly head to the floor. Del Rio whips him into the steps and goes after the arm. Isn’t Del Rio supposed to be a face? Back in and Alberto gets a mic, saying that what happened to Santa was an accident. Del Rio hits Cena with the mic, but Cena blocks another try and shouts SAAAAAAAAANTA before pounding away on Del Rio.
John heads to the floor to open a present, finding a chair. A few shots to Del Rio’s back get two as Ricardo pulls the referee to the floor. After a chase, Del Rio catches Cena coming in with a clothesline. Ricardo hands Del rio a present, and it’s a pie. You know whose head that is going upside. I hope Ricardo knows a good cleaner. They head up the ramp and Cena opens another package, finding a television monitor. Del Rio is knocked loopy as we take a break.
Back with Del Rio in trouble and opening another package. Inside this one…..is a teddy bear. Del Rio throws the bear at John, giving Cena the line of the night: Cena: “A BEAR? SERIOUSLY???” Ricardo gets wrapped up in a wreath and has a box broken over his head. Cena knocks Del Rio down and goes to look for another weapon. Fans: “USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE!” Del Rio gets crushed with the tree and Cena opens another box, finding a bowling ball. He rolls it down the ramp, hitting a perfectly placed Del Rio. Cena is a good shot actually.
John pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays Del Rio down to make it a white Christmas. Cole and Jerry are probably reaching a record for the most Christmas puns in one night. Ricardo jumps on Cena’s back and actually chokes him down…..BUT SANTA IS BACK! He whacks Ricardo over the head with his bag of toys and puts an oven mit on his hand. That acts as a sock in this case for a mandible claw, which sets up the AA for the pin at 14:53.
Rating: B. If you didn’t like this match, I feel sorry for your non-existent soul. I had a blast with this match as it was exactly the kind of fun and goofy match that we needed to end a show like this. Seriously, how can you not have fun with something like this? The presents were a great touch and having Santa come out at the end was great.
Cena and presumably Mick Claus hug to end the show. Cena is worried about the time because Santa has work to do.
Overall Rating: B. I still say this show didn’t need to exist and should have been the Tribute to the Troops special, but the main event was very fun. Nothing here was bad at all and having the Santa story going through the show was fine. They didn’t add anything here and they really didn’t need to as no one is watching tonight. This was a fun episode but the rating is going to be lucky to crack a 2.0.
Results
Kane b. Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam
Kaitlyn/Alicia Fox/Natalya/Layla b. Rosa Mendes/Aksana/Eve Torres/Tamina Snuka – Gutbuster to Eve
Sheamus b. Big Show – Brogue Kick
Zack Ryder b. David Otunga – Rough Ryder
The Miz/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro – Skull Crushing Finale to Barrett
Great Khali b. Brad Maddox – Punjabi Plunge
Usos/Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel/Brodus Clay/Santino Marella b. 3MB/Tensai/Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Slater
John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment