Ricky Steamboat, Ric Flair, Magnum TA……Santino Marella?

 

Swagger wasn’t doing jack with it so putting it on someone the people love and who is at least on TV every week is fine.

 

Thoughts?

With Santino being in the Chamber last night I figured this was a good time for another one of these.

When did the idea of being a comedy character become such an evil thing? Most of the people I read stuff from are clamoring for Santino to get a big serious push and maybe even win MITB. In the words of South Park, are you high or just really stupid? The LAST thing Santino needs is a serious push.

Now, for those of you that are going straight to the comments because you’re too angry at me already, this is the part I’ll be referring you to later. There’s nothing wrong with Santino getting more TV time and winning some matches. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. However, him beating a top level heel on his own or winning a title or being near a PPV title match one on one is lunacy.

Here’s the thing: some people belong as comedy characters. Why? Because comedy characters are a good thing. They bring levity to the show and offer a little breathing room in between the heavy lifting. Think about it like this: the Divas are there to give you a break right? Which would you prefer: a Santino comedy match or a second Divas match? “But KB! The fans are cheering for Santino so he should get pushed harder!” That’s the statement you’ll often hear and it’s stupid. Here’s why.

Santino is a funny guy. I can live with that although I don’t always agree with it. Let’s look at the TNA version of Santino: Eric Young. Young has been a serious character before and look what happened: it bombed. They put him with Hall and Nash and he still couldn’t get over as a serious guy. The fans rejected him so he went back to comedy and had his most successful time ever. Santino’s best times have come when he’s a comedy guy, be it as a face or a heel.

That’s because Santino has something unique about him: his comedic abilities. The fans for some reason want him to stop doing this though and get a serious push. I think the idea is that if you push him harder, he can still keep the comedy aspect. The problem is that it won’t work that way. If you push a face against serious heels, you’re running two risks. If you put the comedy guy over them, the heels look weak which is a rampant problem already in WWE. If you push the comedy guy as a serious guy, he’s just another guy and the specialness is gone.

That’s the big issue with this: if you push Santino as a serious guy, why would the fans cheer him? They cheer the comedy. If you take that away, the luster is going to wear off Santino quickly. You also really don’t want say Wade Barrett losing to a hiptoss, a saluting headbutt and the Cobra, as Barrett could be a top heel on Smackdown if pushed right. This has been tried before, which brings me to this.

Back in 2004, we found out that Eric Bischoff had a special nephew named Eugene. He debuted as a comedy guy, imitating stuff he’d grown up watching on TV. Eugene exploded on the WWE and was probably the most popular guy on Raw for a little while. Then he became involved in the HHH vs. Chris Benoit feud, costing HHH the title and resulting in a match between HHH and Eugene at Summerslam.

What followed was one of the harshest crowd reactions ever, as Eugene did his stuff and was booed out of the building. The fans didn’t want to see a character like him facing one of the top heels. They wanted HHH to face a real top face, not a converted comedy guy. That would hold true today as well I think. Eugene was never the same and his push was over. Why risk the same thing happening today?

Finally, I want to get into the idea that being a comedy character for life is such a bad thing. There are a bunch of characters that have never been booked seriously and have had very successful careers. Think of guys like Hillbilly Jim, Road Dogg, or probably the biggest of all: Jim Duggan. Santino probably has had a more successful career than Duggan but Duggan is a legend that still got a solid reaction at the Rumble this year. He was never booked in any really serious way and was more or less a lovable idiot that got over huge and was probably the second biggest face in the company for awhile.

This is what it boils down to: Santino is already over as a comedy guy. Now people want to change that because of reasons I don’t get. If you want him to be on TV more often and maybe get some more wins that’s fine, but if you do that you’re running the risk of breaking something that’s already working. It rarely works on other TV shows and it hasn’t worked well in the past in the WWE, but what do I know about stuff? I actually think Cena shouldn’t turn heel so I have no idea what I’m talking about right?

Smackdown
Date: February 17, 2012
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

This is the final show before the Elimination Chamber. By the time you read this you’ll know that Orton is out of the Chamber so tonight it’s all about finding a replacement. Other than that, I wouldn’t expect a ton of stuff to be talked about. I mean it’s not like there needs to be stories for a show like this. Why should the writers need to waste time on character development or plots when they can just throw everyone in a cage and put their feet up for three weeks? Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Show vs. Orton match from Raw. That Super DDT was kind of cool. Bryan hit Orton twice with the belt which gave him a concussion. I’ve heard conflicting reports about whether that’s a legit injury or if he was injured somewhere else and that’s their story for taking him out.

Orton is in Teddy’s office and Teddy says its out of both of their hands. Teddy can’t let him compete because he’s not medically cleared. Security is going to escort him out of the building because Teddy is concerned about his health. We’re officially told that Orton is out of the Chamber.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is procrastination.

Big Show/Great Khali vs. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes

Now Barrett and Rhodes lost last week, so the logical move would be to have them win here to get their heat back going into the Chamber. Barrett starts with Khali. Wade tries to kick him in the side but Khali shoves him down. Khali chops him in the corner so Barrett tags out. Cody has even less luck and tags out also.

Before he leaves though he kicks Khali in the knee which lets Barrett kick him in the head to knock him down. Cody hooks a quick chinlock but Khali shrugs him off and tags in Big Show. He cleans house and spears Barrett down. Cody gets knocked out of the air and the chokeslam pins Wade clean at 3:32.

Rating: D. This was a squash. The guy that didn’t lose a match all of the end of last year and the Intercontinental Champion just got squashed by Big Show and Great Khali. This is what people mean when they talk about pushes starting nice and strong and then getting dropped. Barrett has gone from the top choice to be a breakout star to a guy getting squashed by Big Show in the span of 6 weeks. That’s pathetic and a big reason why there are practically no new stars being made. Also, why in the world would I buy them as having a chance in the Chamber now?

Big Show knocks Khali out post match.

Teddy is on the phone and says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do about the empty spot. Henry shows up and says he wants the spot. Teddy looks like he’s thinking about it. Big Show comes in before Teddy answers and says he wants Daniel Bryan tonight. Henry says wait your turn. Show knocks him out too. He tells Teddy to give him what he wants and then destroys Teddy’s office.

Video on the UAE tour.

Teddy tells security to wait for Big Show to calm down and then escort him out of the building. One of the guards says no way so Teddy says he’ll call for backup.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

Ted’s cast is smaller this week. Hopefully this is the end of the dull feud. Hunico beats him into the corner to start but Teddy counters and beats him down as well. Big boot gets two for DiBiase. Hunico works on Ted’s bad arm/wrist but DiBiase slams him to the mat. DiBiase dropkicks him out of the air but Camacho hits DiBiase, allowing Hunico to roll him up and grab the tights for the pin at 1:45. Now GET THEM SOMETHING NEW TO DO!

Short version of the Shawn/HHH/Undertaker segment from Raw.

Usos vs. Epico/Primo

Great. ANOTHER match we’ve seen twice already. Primo and Jey start us off. The Usos double team to get control but Jimmy goes to the corner and Primo slams him off. He gets double teamed in the champions’ corner as Booker and Cole get into it again. Cole was doing well about staying on focus to start too.

Primo hooks a chinlock but misses a corner dropkick, tying him up in the Tree of Woe. There’s the tag to Jay as well as Epico. The crowd is into the Usos, as usual. The Umaga running corner shot misses but a Samoan Drop gets two. Backstabber by Primo misses and there’s the superkick. Jey’s Superfly Splash hits knees and the Backstabber gets the pin at 4:45.

Rating: D+. I’d be fine with Primo and Epico as champions if they weren’t so boring. That’s the problem I have with them: there’s nothing interesting about them at all. Rosa is interesting because she’s fun to watch shaking her hips but other than that, there’s nothing about this team that makes me want to watch them. With the Usos at least you get the Siva Tao which catches your attention. Epico and Primo will probably hold the belts for months too.

Big Show has left the arena willingly.

Bryan is here.

Video on the Chamber.

Here’s Bryan in the arena. Bryan says on Monday he got two for one. We see a clip of Bryan hitting Orton and Show with the title on Raw. He says that if either of them had any guts, they’d be out here facing him right now. However they’re both afraid. Everyone is afraid of Daniel Bryan. Everyone is afraid of tapping out because he just keeps winning. He’s proven all of us wrong and he’ll do it again on Sunday. He would have won tonight and he’ll win on Sunday. Orton isn’t here but he wants Lillian to announce him as the winner via forfeit. She does and Bryan does the huge celebration to his music.

Here’s Teddy to say hold on a minute playa. He says Bryan hasn’t competed yet, which is what everyone wants to see. It won’t be Orton, but there’s a volunteer to take his place.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus takes him down with a headlock and works on the arm to open up. Bryan comes back with some kicks but Sheamus punches him in the ribs. There are the ten forearms in the rope and thankfully they stopped calling it whatever that Irish word they had given it. Bryan tries to walk out but Sheamus runs him over. Bryan gets up on the apron and hits the running knee to the head. Back in and Bryan hits a dropkick to the ribs.

Sheamus fires back with right hands but Bryan picks the ankle to stop him. A running low dropkick in the corner gives the champion control again. This is the most offense anyone has gotten in on Sheamus in months. He blocks the kicks and makes his comeback, hitting a powerslam for two.

Irish Curse is countered into a LeBell Lock attempt. Sheamus rolls out of it but Bryan escapes the Celtic Cross. Sheamus goes after him in the corner and Bryan slaps him. The referee pulls him back and I think Bryan spits on him (the camera cut away) and that’s enough for Sheamus to throw the referee down for the DQ at 6:45.

Rating: C. This was fairly dull but it was obvious they weren’t going to give us a full on Bryan vs. Sheamus match. They would have been stupid to do that anyway as that’s a potential Mania title match. Granted that’s never stopped them before but you get the idea. The ending was a good choice as it plays up Bryan’s heel character while keeping Sheamus looking like he needs adjustments before he can go for the big one.

Barrett wants to know who Orton’s replacement is. Cody wants to know also. Teddy says there’s a battle royal tonight with anyone in WWE, from Raw to Smackdown to Superstars to NXT.

The Rock is a movie star! This is much shorter than the one on Raw, thank goodness.

Jinder Mahal vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Mahal hits a bunch of knees to the ribs as Cole suggests Johnny Curtis could head to the Chamber. Jackson runs him over in the corner and hits a side slam. The Rack is countered and Mahal hits a DDT. He hooks the camel clutch but Zeke gets out of it. A Downward Spiral sets up another camel clutch (how does that hurt the back any more?) which gets the tap at 2:06. Zeke is done. I mean he’s just DONE.

Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya

Beth grabs Alicia to start and Fox dropkicks her down. Off to Natalya and we get a nice gymnastics demonstration from them. Natalya slides to the floor and comes back in to drop Fox for two. Beth adds in a kick to keep Fox in trouble. Natalya hooks the Sharpshooter… and the referee doesn’t see the tap because Natalya’s stupid gimmick makes him need a breath of fresh air. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? It allows Tamina to come in and hit the Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash for the pin at 2:52. I hate the Divas because of stupid stuff like this. Seriously, if this is the best they can come up with for them, drop the division.

Tamina knocks Beth out post match but she avoids the splash.

Ace and Otunga come to see Teddy. Ace says the Chamber is about charisma and star power. He suggests just putting Otunga in the Chamber instead of having the battle royal. Teddy says Otunga has the stink of a lawyer. What’s with the smell nonsense on this show lately?

Recap of the Cena/Kane/Ryder stuff from Monday.

Battle Royal

I’m not going to try to list off everyone in it. Imagine every non-main event guy and he’s probably in this. Otunga gets his own entrance. The NXT guys are in there. Bateman is the first out and it’s a standard battle royal: everyone is fighting and there’s no point in talking about anything other than eliminations until we get down to about five people. Watson is gone. Titus and an Uso follow him. Drew gorilla presses Kidd out.

DiBiase low bridges Darren Young and they both hang on to the rope to avoid elimination. DiBiase kicks him in the stomach and Young is gone. The ring is clearing out a bit but there are still too many people to count. Hunico throws Tatsu out. DiBiase knocks Camacho out as does Gabriel to McGillicutty. We take a break and come back with not much having changed.

There are about twelve people left. Make that about eleven as Hawkins is out. Riley tries the TKO on either Epico or Primo for some reason but he gets double teamed and tossed. The champs try to do the same to Reks but decide that’s not good enough, so they throw Curtis at Reks to get rid of both of them. They throw the other Uso out as well, then Primo dumps Epico.

Ok it’s down to manageable now. Hunico dumps DiBiase but DiBiase pulls him out too to keep their feud going. Gabriel and Primo throw each other to the apron but both save themselves. The camera won’t stay on a wide shot long enough for me to list off everyone in still. The both go to the apron twice more until Gabriel finally knocks Primo to the floor. Jackson knocks Gabriel out too.

It’s Otunga, Jackson, Mahal (elimianted as I type that), McIntyre and Santino. Santino loads up the Cobra but Otunga and McIntyre jump him. Drew is running over everyone with big boots….and then Santino dumps him. Otunga tries to throw out Santino but Jackson saves him. The fans are all chanting for Santino and he ducks under Jackson to put him out.

It’s Santino vs. Otunga. Santino Italianadians up and hits the Cobra but Otunga gets in a right hand to stop the momentum. A horrible neckbreaker takes Marella down. He goes to throw Santino out but is reversed and eliminated to give Santino the win at 13:12 shown of 16:42. Cole: “WE REPLACED A VIPER WITH A COBRA???”

Rating: D. To get it out of the way, the battle royal was your classic bad battle royal which I’m sure you’ve all seen dozens of. Now let’s get to the big issue here: Santino Marella is going to be in a major match for the world title on a pay per view. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I like it. Now before I get into why, I completely accept the counter argument of “IT’S SANTINO.” That’s perfectly fine and I won’t put up much of a defense against that.

However, think of some of the major criticisms of the company as of late: no new names in the main event, no surprises, no listening to the fans. Santino addresses all of those and even if he’s a comedy guy, he’s not going to win the title. He’ll be in there maybe three minutes and Big Show will knock him out or something like that. Kids are now excited for him and he’ll add some comic relief to the match (which isn’t really needed but it’s there). Also, there’s a very good chance someone will take him out and get his spot anyway.

Santino celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t bad this week but it’s clear they’ve had no new ideas or thoughts since the Chamber was announced. Everything since then has been about gaining momentum going into the PPV, but the problem is that it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just winning matches against other people in the match which has no bearing on the Chamber match itself. Tonight was about adding someone new and they did that, but it’s a questionable choice to put it mildly. Not a very entertaining show and they booked themselves into that corner.

Results
Big Show/Great Khali b. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam to Barrett
Hunico b. Ted DiBiase – Rollup
Primo/Epico b. The Usos – Backstabber to Jey Uso
Daniel Bryan b. Sheamus via DQ when Sheamus shoved the referee
Jinder Mahal b. Ezekiel Jackson – Camel Clutch
Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox b. Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Superfly Splash to Natalya
Santino Marella won a battle royal last eliminating David Otunga

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Royal Rumble 2011
Date: January 30, 2011
Location: TD Bank Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Well we’ve finally, and I do mean FINALLY arrived. This is the first 40 man Rumble and while I’m still not behind the idea it could be good I guess. There are only 4 matches tonight: the Rumble, a Divas match and the two world titles. It should be fun as WWE has been on a straight up roll recently. Let’s get to it.

Smackdown World Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge

 

Well you can’t say they’re going easy to start. And Edge’s pyro doesn’t go off. Remember that the Spear is banned here and if Edge uses it then Ziggler loses the world title. Vickie comes out to do the intro and tries to start a Spear chant which is kind of funny. We get big match intros too which is always nice. Lawler: “Ziggler is just like Santa Claus. Everywhere he goes he takes that old bag with him.”

Dang Edge goes from winning the match to starting the show the next year. Quite a drop…yet he has a title here. I love logic or whatever you call it in wrestling. Striker is doing a great job of tossing softballs up for King to get good lines off of. Lawler has always been a guy that needs someone to set him up but once he gets a start he’s fine.

Edge controls a lot early on with some basic stuff. We hit the floor and it’s all Edge. Ziggler gets a kick to the side of Edge’s head as they come back in to get his first advantage. Off to a chinlock now as the LET’S GO EDGE chant gets going. Sunset flip is blocked for two. More chinlock and this time a longer version of it. Big elbow drop gets two.

Dolph gets a running charge to send Edge out to the floor and into the barricade. Back in that gets two. Hey look it’s a chinnlock! Edge fights up and a double cross body puts both guys down. Stinger Splash in the corner misses by Zigs. Ziggler gets that Downward Spiral into a Stunner for two. Edge counters the Fameasser into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Uncharacteristically for Edge he goes up top but Ziggler beats him to the punch. Cross body off the top is rolled through for a VERY close two by Ziggler. Dropkick gets two on Edge. Zig Zag is blocked and Edge busts out the Edgecator (modified Sharpshooter) for two. Edge misses a charge at the ropes and the Fameasser hits for two.

Big Boot puts Ziggler down and Edge sets for the Spear in the corner. Vickie like an idiot, yells at him to not do it. Ziggler wants the sleeper but gets caught in the Edgecution but Vickie grabs the referee. She and Edge get into it and Kelly of all people comes out to beat on Vickie. As Edge is watching the catfight a Zig Zag gets two and that more or less seals the ending here.

Dolph gets the sleeper and Edge is fading fast. Oh of course he fights it off. He manages to get a big jawbreaker out of it instead and down goes the referee. Vickie is down as well so there’s the Spear. Edge pulls an Eddie and lays down too. Cole: SOMEONE HAD TO SEE THAT! He’s totally right you know. Edge uses an Unprettier of all things to end it.

Rating: A-. This was a solid back and forth match, but I really don’t like the Spear in there. Striker calls it the Unprettier which is supposed to be the Killswitch I believe? Anyway this was a very good match with Ziggler getting some very close near falls out there. It’s your regular Rumble match that had a challenger who simply wasn’t going to win but Dolph looked great. Very good opener indeed.

Mania is 63 days away! Naturally we have the Chamber in there which is going to take away a lot of that time.

We recap Miz vs. Orton which goes back to Miz cashing in. That’s still sweet and was perfectly done. DEMON CHILD!!! Also Miz beat the heck out of Orton on Raw.

Miz and Riley say Miz will win and insult Boston.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. The Miz

 

Cole talks throughout the WHOLE entrance and then in the ring he says that this is a big match for Miz. Thanks for clearing up that defending the world title on PPV against one of the biggest stars of all time is a big match. Miz chant to start as it’s all Orton early on. Back in the ring as Orton stomps away and Lawler and Cole get into it as always. I’m still thinking that results in a Mania match which it should. Lawler deserves a match at Mania.

Orton beats him down in the corner and Cole says this is unfair to him. Nice flashback to Heenan in 92. Riley interferes and here comes the Champion. Orton fights back but misses a charge in the corner to give Miz the advantage back. The Miz is a Triple crown winner. Let that sink in for a bit. Ok he kind of is at least. Corner clothesline gets two. More beatdowns and a knee to the ribs get two.

Orton is able to get back in there with a kick and up the ropes we go. Superplex gets two as Cole talks about Riley. Elevated DDT is countered by a backdrop and we hit the floor again. Back in Miz gets two. Miz goes up and a double axe gets two. He throws on a chinlock as it’s all champion here. Back to the floor one more time and Orton eats the post.

He beats the count at 9 and the beating is on again but this time with Orton in control with the Thesz Press. Powerslam sets up the stomping. Orton sets for the powerbomb but Riley distracts him. Miz gets that backbreaker/neckbreaker combo he’s been using lately for two. Angle Slam hits so Miz wants to get the title and leave. Instead Orton kills him with a clothesline.

Since we’re looking at a split screen replay we miss what Miz hits to get two out of nowhere on Orton. Miz misses a kick and Orton grabs a rollup for two. Elevated (called Suspension by Striker which works also) gets two. He sets for the RKO and HERE THEY COME! It’s the New Nexus minus Punk who stare down Orton. As the referee is distracted Riley gets in and in an AWESOME spot, Orton picks up Riley and LAUNCHES him over the referee and onto Nexus. Riley was AIRBORNE! There’s the RKO but Punk runs in with a GTS and Miz retains! Cole jumps up and down like a little girl in celebration.

Rating: B. Good match but definitely not as good as the previous one. The thing is that with a show like the Rumble, everything besides the one big match is pure bonus. The two title matches have been rather good so this show is already looking up. This was very good stuff for the most part here which is pretty much expected. If nothing else it gives us some new direction. Not bad at all here and a pretty good match.

Cody Rhodes gives a prepared statement while we can’t see his face which is always funny.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Laycool

 

Just before the match starts we get an E-Mail, making it a fatal fourway and he adds….Eve? Uh…ok. Oh and the GM makes fun of Cole and all the people that complain about him. No tagging here of course. There isn’t much to say here as it’s an insane spot fest for the most part. Natalya gets the double Sharpshooter on Eve and Layla which is a great visual. Layla gets the neckbreaker on Natalya. There isn’t much to say here like AT ALL. Michelle kicks Layla, Eve wins the title with a moonsault. Natalya might have pinned Michelle at the same time.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad overall. It was a mess of a Divas match which is bad as usually they have some good stuff going for them and certainly have been recently. This was bad and it was the epitome of a bridge to the Rumble. Speaking of which, let’s go to that.

Bellas/Gail/Bryan segment. It’s stupid and the same thing from Monday but with the Bellas pretending to be nice with flowers.

Rumble By the Numbers.

Royal Rumble

 

Punk is #1 to the shock of no one, and to no one else’s shock, Corre has a member in at #2 but they all surround the ring. Punk gets beaten down by everyone until Nexus comes down for the save. Cole gets an E-Mail which says STOP IT! Everyone but Punk has to leave and only Punk is in at the moment. LOUD Punk chant and #2 is Bryan. The IWC just orgasmed loudly.

Bryan speeds things up and takes Punk down with some nice shots. It’s dueling chant time as Bryan hits the top rope dropkick. In at 3 is Gabriel. Gabriel beats Punk up with ease but misses the 450 and Bryan tosses Justin easily. The timing is absurd already as you expected it to. Number 4 is Zach Ryder. He gets both guys down in the corner and manages to get a Rough Ryder on Punk. Bryan throws him out with ease as I hope we’re not going the 95 route.

Regal is in at #5 and he cleans house which isn’t very dirty at this point. Lots of suplexes all around. Regal and Bryan slug it out with European uppercuts which surprisingly Bryan wins despite not being, you know, European. Bryan kicks both guys with ease and we get #6 in the form of Ted DiBiase. Backbreaker for Bryan and dropkicks to him and Regal. Down goes Punk to the following clothesline.

Bryan vs. Regal and DiBiase vs. Punk for awhile which gets us nowhere. Seventh is Morrison to a BIG pop. Springboard kick puts Regal down and Morrison cleans house, including with his eternal rival in Punk. C4 to Bryan. I had Morrison as a dark horse but methinks that’s out the window. He gets thrown by DiBiase but lands on the apron. Morrison gets launched to the railing and GRABS THE WALL like freaking Spiderman, climbs up to the apron, tightrope walks it to the steps and gets back in. Ladies and gentlemen, that is not going to be topped tonight.

Tatsu is #8 and he does nothing at all. Ninth is Husky Harris. Regal went out somewhere in there that I missed when I was dying from Morrison’s wall grab. Harris immediately gets in front of Punk for defense so Morrison and Bryan try to kill him. He’s 23 and the youngest person in this Rumble. That’s rather impressive. We get to ¼ of the way through this with Chavo.

Seven people in there now as Gabriel, Ryder and Regal have been eliminated so far. Three Amigos to DiBiase but Punk cuts him off. And never mind as he takes three of his own. Punk’s get broken up so it’s suplex time to Morrison. Here are some for Bryan as well. He must have done ten suplexes in like 30 seconds. This is kind of cool actually. FINALLY he gets the third in a row.

Number 11 is Mark Henry to clear out some dead weight. There go Chavo and Tatsu. Punk beats Henry down a bit as it’s time for JTG to be #12. This portion of the Rumble brought to you by not Michael Hayes. JTG, Henry, Punk, Harris, DiBiase, Morrison and Bryan in there at the moment. Hey I’ve actually got this up to date! Number 13 is Michael McGillicutty to give Punk some backup.

Punk tells him to HURT EVERYBODY. There goes JTG as we’re getting a bit cluttered here. Granted a lot of that is Henry and the midcard is well represented. Harris and McGillicutty put out DiBiase to make room for Masters at 14. Masterlock to Punk but he can’t get him out as McGillicutty makes the save. Bryan hammers on Masters as #15 is Otunga. That makes four members counting Punk in there at the moment.

Bryan is out almost immediately and Masters joins him soon. Nexus cleans house and gets Morrison out too. Over to Henry now and yep he’s gone too. Just Nexus left in the ring now. Tyler Reks is the sacrificial lamb at #16. How long can he be unknown for? There he goes of course. So are we just waiting on Cena now? I think that’s pretty clear. In at 17 is Kozlov who has history here.

Why not just wait on the floor and wait for like five people to get together to at least have even odds? Vladimir is out with ease. Punk gets all meditational on us and it’s Truth in as the Rumble is now legal. Striker agrees with the whole wait it out. This is a great way to run through some of the weaker guys though. Punk gets the corner clothesline and bulldog. In between, he looks at the camera and raises the roof shouting WHAT’S UP in a sarcastic voice. Funny stuff.

Truth is gone. And here’s trouble in the form of the Great Khali. He chops them all down and gets rid of Harris to break up this blockade. GET BETH PHOENIX STAT! Naturally in next is Mason Ryan (20). India vs. Wales goes to the darker skinned ones until Ryan gets him out. BOOKER FREAKING T IS NUMBER 21!!!!! SCREW YOU MAIN EVENT MAFIA!!!!! Epic pop for him too and Booker looks awesome.

Kicks all around and a Book End to McGillicutty. SPINAROONI! SPINAROONI! OH MY GOODNESS A SPINAROONI! Punk charges but Ryan makes the save. Booker is out but that was insanely awesome. My screen froze on Booker’s eyes bugging out. You knew it was coming. John Cena is in next and the fight is on. He takes everyone down with basic moves and there goes Ryan to a low bridge. Otunga and McGillicutty to a double clothesline and it’s down to Cena and Punk!

Cena charges into a corner elbow but Punk can’t get GTS. Double clothesline puts both men down ala Hogan and Warrior in 1990. Number 23 is…..it’s Hornswoggle. The look on Punk’s face is hilarious. More or less it says “no…..freaking….way.” Punk gets up and drills Horny but goes after Cena instead. FU TO PUNK AND HE’S OUT! Cena is left with Horny as #24 is Tyson Kidd. Headscissors to Kidd by Horny sets up an FU and there he goes. Ok no he doesn’t yet as Horny wants to do it. Horny gives him an FU and there goes Kidd.

Twenty fifth is Slater who takes a low blow from Horny and a super Stunner which actually looked pretty cool. Double You Can’t See Me. Tadpole Splash and there goes Slater. It’s Kofi Kingston at 26 and this could be awesome. Cool moment as they stare down and look at the Mania sign. I totally buy Kofi as a threat to Cena here which is a very good sign. Kofi beats on him a bit but it’s really a standoff. Swagger is 27^th and takes down the weakened guys.

Vader Bomb to Cena and one for Kofi as well. And now….dude go for the midget already. Swagger goes after Horny but Kofi kills Jack with a cross body. Double Boom Drop as Horny is a bridge for Kofi to jump off of. 28 is SHEAMUS. Oh yes. This guy is a, and I will never ever say this again, a dark horse to win this. Sheamus cleans house and goes after Horny. Cena saves him AGAIN and it’s another Tadpole Splash coming. Never mind actually as Sheamus KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD to eliminate him.

Rey is #29. We have Kofi, Cena, Swagger, Sheamus and Rey in there at the moment. Trouble in Paradise to Sheamus but Swagger takes him down. Rey was on the corner and Swagger tries the running belly to belly. Rey ducks and knocks him to the apron and a 619 takes him out. Barrett is 30 as this is FLYING by. Wasteland to Kofi is blocked by a kick to the knee by Rey.

Cena vs. Barrett goes to Wade in the form of a Boss Man Slam. That could so be a finisher for someone. Maybe Ryan? The first #31 in history is Dolph Ziggler??? Oh snap man, that could be a shock. He hammers away on Sheamus as Barrett is in trouble. Dolph, Sheamus, Barrett, Kofi, Cena and Rey at the moment. Cena is in trouble and the crowd reacts BIG.

32 is DIESEL???? WOW! The crowd pops HUGE. I can’t get used to hearing him called Diesel. Drew is 33^rd. Nash looks kind of awesome in there. Drew and Sheamus hammer down Diesel who is all of a sudden getting a HUGE chant! Dude sign this guy up! 619 to Diesel which I can’t believe I just typed.

34^th is….the Miz??? Oh wait it’s Riley. He slides in and Cena just drills him. Striker got cut off mid sentence in a laugh. Barrett puts Diesel out. ANOTHER big Diesel chant as he leaves. Miz sits in on commentary for a bit. Big Show is number 35 and it’s time to clear out some guys. Show and Diesel look at each other. Oh man there’s some history there. The Celts jump Show as he comes in which doesn’t go well for the UK guys.

Miz sounds like he has a cold. There goes Ziggler at the hands of Show. I want to know who #40 is. 36 is Big Zeke. Uh oh. Show puts Drew out. Zeke puts Show down and OUT on his own! There are four entrants left. Who isn’t out here yet? Rey, Zeke, Cena, Kofi, Barrett and Sheamus at the moment. Santino is 37^th and gets a solid pop. He goes right at Sheamus of all people. And now he goes for Zeke who growls at him.

Santino gets knocked to the floor under the bottom rope. Alberto is 38 and I completely forgot about him. Ricardo does the intro! No one else has gotten an intro but no one else is Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio takes his sweet time and isn’t in before Orton is 39^th. ONE MORE TO GO! RKO to everyone and there goes Kofi. Sheamus is out too as is Drew. And then, it’s Cena vs. Orton. The crowd just went SILENT and in the awesome way I mean.

They stare it down with the Mania sign between them and there’s the clock. And it’s Kane. Uh, kind of anti-climactic but ok. So it’s Kane, Cena, Orton, Santino, Rey, Del Rio and I think that’s it. I likely left someone out though. Oh and Zeke and Barrett. Zeke beats up Kane with relative ease after Kane cleans some house. There goes Zeke. Ok now we’re down to Barrett, Kane, Cena, Orton, Rey and Del Rio. Kane is put out by Rey! Barrett puts out Rey! I LOVE YOU BARRETT!!!

Final four are Barrett, Orton, Cena and Del Rio. Cena and Del Rio are in trouble but both hang on. Randy and John (sounds weird calling it that) stare it down again to another hush. There they go with the punches. Both finishers miss as FU is broken up by Barrett for no apparent reason. Maybe he’s the new Corre member? Del Rio vs. Cena and Barrett vs. Orton at this point.

FU to Del Rio but here comes Riley again for no adequately explained reason. MIZ ELIMINATES CENA!!! LET THE INTERNET ERUPT!!! Dang it not Orton again. Is Santino still in? Orton busts out a bunch of his basic stuff and there goes Barrett! DEL RIO PUTS OUT ORTON TO WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!! Wait Santino is back! COBRA!!! THEY WOULDN’T!!!!! Oh thank goodness Del Rio threw him out to officially end it.

Rating: A. I was wrong. I thought this would be overblown but it felt more epic this way. HUGE props to WWE for putting someone new in there. That is absolutely huge for WWE as they are actually giving someone the huge push and the momentum to do it with. He’s a glorified midcarder and he won. This is exactly what they needed to do with this and it worked wonderfully. Mania has matches set up for it now and we got some great surprises. Epic Rumble although maybe just a step beneath next year. GREAT ending though.

Overall Rating: A. This was a great show indeed. The Divas match was the only bad thing all night and on a card with four matches you can’t argue that in the slightest. They’re setting Mania up very early this year and that’s nothing but good. This was a great show as WWE now has two big wins in a row. I’m freaking pumped up for Mania now as this was great stuff indeed. Loved it and bring on Elimination Chamber baby!

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