Monday Nitro #90
Date: June 2, 1997
Location: Hara Arena, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s hard to believe we’re almost halfway through 1997. I’m digging this idea of doing four shows at once as you get through the storylines a lot faster which is good when the stories are really dull, as they have been lately. Sting and Hogan is clearly being set up as a huge match somewhere in the future, which is the start of probably the biggest angle in the history of the company. Hopefully we get more of that tonight. Let’s get to it.

Hall and Syxx are in the ring to open the show. Hall says that the fans have been asking for more of the NWO because they’re the reason everyone is watching. They say they won at Slamboree and that Flair is recuperating in the La Brea tar pits. Hall calls out Flair for a fight but we get JJ Dillon instead. JJ says Flair is on his way here and tonight it’s Flair vs. Hall. Hall says no but if he doesn’t do it, then the Outsiders are stripped of the belts.

Opening sequence.

Alex Wright vs. Glacier

Wright wisely jumps Glacier during his elaborate entrance and takes over early. A spinwheel kick takes Glacier down and Wright pounds away in the corner. He stops to dance though and Glacier gets in some kicks, including the Cryonic Kick for the fast pin.

Post match here’s James Vanderberg for a distraction along with Mortis and Wrath who are spotted before they come in. The beatdown begins but Wright wants to get some revenge. That bell ringing over and over again is really annoying. Mortis aims a kick at Glacier but kicks Wright instead. Glacier fights both monsters off.

Buff Bagwell vs. Joe Gomez

Bagwell pounds him down and grabs the rope to avoid a Gomez dropkick. Bagwell talks to the camera for awhile before walking into a bad dropkick by Gomez. Joe throws some bad punches in the corner but gets dropped into the buckle and thrown out to the floor. Scott Norton, Buff’s partner, gets in some shots and sends Gomez back in for the Blockbuster and the pin by Buff.

Rating: D. Gomez was never in another match on Nitro and that’s a good thing. The guy just wasn’t that good and it’s pretty clear to see why he never amounted to anything. Bagwell wasn’t much better, although the Blockbuster has always been a favorite move of mine. Just a squash here but it was pretty bad looking while it lasted.

Mike Tenay gives us a quick profile on Ernest Miller.

We get a clip of Roddy Piper’s latest movie.

Hugh Morrus vs. Prince Iaukea

Konnan jumps Morrus on his way to the ring. Morrus pounds him down but he’s a bit shaken. They mess up a spot where Iaukea is supposed to slide between Morrus’ legs so Morrus swings his leg out wide, but Iaukea runs around instead and runs into Morrus’ leg. Thankfully Iaukea rolls him up a second later for the pin. This seems to be an injury angle for Morrus.

Here’s JJ to talk about the main event but more importantly that we need #1 contenders to the tag titles after the PPV. He thinks it’s the Steiners, who are barely on Nitro anymore. This draws out Sherri and Harlem Heat who disagree with this ruling. JJ says if the Steiners win tonight, they get the next shot after Flair and Piper. Sherri says that’ll get a reaction.

We recap Page vs. Savage with the focus on Page. He talks about losing his first 79 matches and working his way up to become what he is now. He kept getting better and developed the Diamond Cutter, which he used to beat Savage in their first match. I want to see these guys fight again which is a good sign.

Masahiro Chono/Great Muta vs. Steiner Brothers

Five or six years earlier, this is a candidate for match of the year before the bell even rings. Scott and Muta start with Muta firing off a very quick kick to send Scott ducking back into the corner. Scott armdrags him down and it’s a stalemate. A suplex sends Muta flying so Muta goes to the strikes. Muta takes him down and we’re told that Flair has arrived. Scott butterfly powerbombs and gorilla press slams Muta down, sending him out to the floor.

Rick comes in and Muta bails right back to the floor to hide. Rick stomps on an NWO shirt and it’s off to Chono. The two of them have a test of strength but Rick suplexes him down instead of seeing who wins. A Steiner Line sends Chono to the outside and Muta wants nothing to do with Rick either. Back in and Chono gets powerslammed down as Scott takes out Muta. All Steiners so far.

Chono gets back in against Scott and the Japanese guys finally get in some shots to the back to take over. Scott gets the tag to Rick and the NWO guys are taken down almost immediately. The Steiners were in trouble for about 30 seconds. Chono hits the Mafia Kick on Scott and there’s a handspring elbow to Muta. Chono accidentally Mafia Kicks Muta and the Steiners load up the double bulldog on Muta. Harlem Heat runs in and knocks out Rick with a chair, giving Muta the easy pin.

Rating: C-. This was fast paced, but it came off almost like a squash. That doesn’t exactly make the NWO guys seem to be any kind of a threat as the Steiners were in trouble for about a minute out of a nearly ten minute match. The ending was obvious given what Sherri said earlier, but it makes sense all things considered.

Post match Harlem Heat says they’re the #1 contenders now but JJ says the match is under review. What is there to review exactly? Harlem Heat interfered and the Steiners lost because of it. It’s not that complicated, but this is WCW where you need a meeting to determine what color the sky is.

It’s hour #2 and after the recap, here’s Ric Flair for a chat. Flair rants as you would expect him to and a lot of it is censored.

US Title: Dean Malenko vs. Mr. Wallstreet

Feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get any real control. A rollup by Dean is blocked and Nick Patrick yells at Wallstreet for holding the ropes. Patrick yells about using the hair and the match slows down again. Wallstreet sends Dean to the floor as things continue to not get started. Back in and Dean grabs a hammerlock which is quickly broken. Off to a chinlock by the challenger (Wallstreet) followed by an abdominal stretch. Sweet goodness Wallstreet is dull.

Dean’s leg lariat gets two as does a suplex. The Cloverleaf is broken up by a rake to the eyes but Wallstreet misses a charge and goes flying over the top and out to the floor. Jeff Jarrett comes in out of nowhere and trips Malenko for two. Wallstreet doesn’t pay attention and gets caught in the Cloverleaf to retain the title for Dean. Patrick was between Wallstreet and the ropes so we have another wrinkle in the Patrick might be crooked story.

Rating: D. I love Malenko but my goodness Wallstreet is dull. I mean the guy does NOTHING but jobber level offense. The other problem is that since he’s taken on his current gimmick, the Wallstreet name doesn’t mean anything. This was about Jarrett though which makes the match a little more forgivable.

Jarrett wants a rematch with Malenko and says he’ll get it next week on Nitro. Dean accepts and here’s Mongo. Mongo wants to know why Jarrett came out here without him and won’t let Debra leave with Jeff. Mongo rants about Kevin Greene and the people boo Mongo out of the building. Why didn’t WCW get that no one was interested in this football stuff?

Damien/Ciclope vs. Harlem Heat

Stevie and Ciclope start things off with the big man stomping Ciclope down into the corner. A slam puts Ciclope down and it’s off to Booker for a hook kick. Damien comes in and some Hardy Boys style double teaming sends Booker to the floor. Booker knees Damien down and it’s back to Ray as the Heat weren’t in trouble long. Booker sends Damien to the floor and stomps away on him against the barricade as this breaks down. Here are the Steiners with a chair to lay out Booker, allowing Damien to hit a top rope splash for the upset pin.

Rating: D+. This match was the same thing we’ve had all night: a dull match that was waiting for the angle advancement that ended it. Damien and Ciclope wouldn’t go anywhere of course but it’s nice to see some newcomers get a win, even if it’s tainted like this. Obviously this set up Steiners vs. Heat and there’s nothing wrong with that. The match was dull though.

Lee Marshall does his thing.

Barbarian vs. Chris Benoit

Apparently Benoit has to run the Dungeon gauntlet to get another match with Sullivan. Benoit takes it straight to the corner and stomps Barbarian down, which is something you almost never see. Barbarian breaks the German attempt so Benoit settles for a release northern lights suplex. Jimmy Hart distracts Benoit and Barbie gets in a shot to take over. There’s a piledriver for two on Benoit and Barbarian is frustrated already. Barbarian be clubberin in the corner followed by his always cool release belly to belly superplex. Barbarian loads up something off the top but gets shoved down. Swan Dive and Crossface end this.

Rating: C. It wasn’t as good as their match from a few months ago, but this is a pairing that still works. Barbarian is an interesting case as he has a pretty standard gimmick but the guy was continuously employed in a major company for the better part of fifteen years. For a guy like Barbarian, that’s very impressive.

Benoit says he wants Sullivan now but Hart says Benoit has to beat Meng in a death match at the Bash.

Scott Hall vs. Ric Flair

Flair goes insane to start and takes Hall down with chops and shots to the knee. Syxx tries to interfere but Flair takes both guys out with ease. Hall slugs Flair but Flair chops him into the corner with ease. Flair is sent into the corner for the Flair Flip but Flair dives off the apron onto Syxx in a kind of Thess Press. Hall gets in a shot to the back and takes over by stomping away in the corner.

Syxx comes in for a Bronco Buster which somehow the referee doesn’t notice. The fallaway slam hits for two and the fans want Sting. There’s an abdominal stretch and Syxx does the required arm pull for extra leverage. Hall pounds Flair down and puts on the sleeper, only to be countered into a knee crusher. Hall clotheslines Flair down to break up the Figure Four attempt and they’re both down. Flair chops away and it’s time to strut. Syxx gets knocked off the apron and then crotched. There’s a low blow to Hall and Flair is rolling. Flair loads up the Figure Four but has to fight off Syxx AGAIN. A belt shot to Flair finally gets the DQ.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, Flair is one of the guys you know is going to have at least a decent match. It’s a rare thing to see one of the higher ups in the NWO have a big time match and putting him with Flair meant this was going to be good. Also it plays into the tag title match at the PPV, making this one of the few matches tonight that actually meant something and the only one that was good on top of that.

Post match Flair gets double teamed and I guess the Horsemen are off hunting elk or something. Mongo and Jarrett FINALLY come out for the save. Mongo takes either a tag belt or the Cruiserweight belt with him as they leave for some reason.

Here’s Savage for the final segment of the show. He brings Gene out with him by force and looks extra angry/crazy here. Gene talks about DDP and how Savage is underrating him, so Savage snaps. Gene says someone has to bring Savage back to earth and Savage gets in his face, drawing out JJ. JJ threatens Savage with some undefined punishment before saying he’s lost respect for Savage.

Dillon says he expects better from Savage than from the rest of the NWO. JJ talks about how in the old days, Savage would have stood up to Page like a man. Now Savage is hiding in the crowd and isn’t being a man. Savage decks JJ and security plus Bischoff come out to pull Savage off. Bischoff talks Savage down in the corner but the fans chant DDP, which sends Savage over the edge again. Bischoff says JJ brought this on himself to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t that interesting overall. Savage vs. Page has me wanting to watch their match all over again even though I just saw it a few months ago. Flair’s stuff was good too, but other than that there’s nothing of interest here. The other matches were all setting up later stuff and most of them were either bad or too short to be anything. Great American Bash is coming off like a much better show than Slamboree so these Nitros have been a lot easier to get through, but other than the top stuff, most of the matches aren’t doing much for me yet.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #89
Date: May 26, 1997
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 6,484
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyzsko

We’re back to the regular two hours again and that might be something good in this case. Also Hogan is here tonight which always helps make the shows feel bigger than they do without him. We’re coming up on the Great American Bash in three weeks and odds are we’ll get the main event announced tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff to open the show. Hogan’s beard appears to be infecting his head and is growing at an alarming rate. This is the one year anniversary of Hall jumping the guard rail. Bischoff says he’s checked under the ring and there’s not Sting this week. Hogan talks about partying in the Bahamas with Nick and Brooke, which are names that don’t mean anything at this point. Hogan runs down Sting and Eric says that Sting is just afraid of Hulk. Hogan says he’s going to be looking around and if he finds anyone in Sting makeup, he’s going to take them out.

Hector Garza/Juventud Guerrera/Super Calo vs. Ciclope/Damien/La Parka

This is under Mexican rules, which means if you go to the floor, another member of your team can come in just like a tag. La Parka and Juvy get us going with Juvy taking over with a quick spin kick to the face. Juvy goes up but his cross body is caught and La Parka struts over to the corner and sets Juvy up top. Juvy comes back with a big top rope rana to send Parka to the floor.

Off to Ciclope as Larry complains about the Mexican rules because “we’re not in Mexico.” Sometimes common sense is the best approach. Calo comes in to replace Parka and hits a headscissors to send Parka to the floor. Calo hits a HUGE suicide dive to send both guys into the crowd, giving us Damien vs. Garza. Garza is basically here for one move: a corkscrew plancha to the floor. The idea is that he’s going to hit it but you don’t know when or how many people he’ll take out.

Everything breaks down and it’s almost impossible to tell who is legal as four people came in at the same time when Garza and Damien went to the floor. It appears to be Calo vs. Damien now with Calo in control, only to take his eyes off Damien and get jumped. Off to Garza who speeds things up but gets sent to the floor.

Everyone goes to the floor and it’s time to fire off the dives. Garza hits his big corkscrew plancha, prompting Larry to ask if Garza thinks he’s Captain Planet. Turner property or not, that’s the best Larry can come up with? Damien tries a seated senton back inside but Garza catches him in a powerbomb and hits a standing moonsault for the pin.

Rating: B. This is pretty much the textbook definition for a lucha libre spotfest and there’s nothing wrong with that. Other than Juvy, none of these guys have stood out but they know how to fire off all kinds of flips and dives. While not a great match from a technical standpoint or anything like that, it was fun and the dives were great. That’s what you want to do with an opener too. Good stuff here.

Alex Wright vs. Psychosis

This is Wright’s first match after his heel turn last week. Wright flips around to escape a wristlock but Psychosis does the exact same thing. A jumping kick to the face gives Wright control again and he pounds away in the corner. Psychosis comes back with a moonsault press for two followed by a top rope spin kick to the back of Wright’s head for one. Wright bails to the floor and dances a bit, only for Psychosis to bust out a mostly missed moonsault to take both guys out. Back in and the guillotine legdrop pins Wright.

Rating: D+. This was pretty messy. Also why in the world would you have Wright lose completely clean after a heel turn last week? The announcers are pushing this as a huge upset and to be fair it probably is. The match had almost no flow or story to it at all and the big spots didn’t hit. Not terrible but really messy.

Sonny Onoo still has a surprise for Chono tonight but won’t say who it is. Sonny tries to sign Psychosis as he leaves and Psychosis is interested. As Sonny gloats, Madusa comes out and wants a Women’s Title shot. She says she’ll do anything for it and immediately regrets saying it. Sonny says she’ll get the shot at the Bash but if she loses, her career is over. She agrees and that’s it.

We get a quick look at Ernest Miller and his martial arts background.

Wrath vs. Mark Starr

Total squash with Wrath throwing Starr all over the place, including out to the floor so Mortis can get in some shots. Wrath does look awesome and has a great name, but this feud went on so long that it killed whatever he had going. A top rope clothesline kills Starr and a bicycle kick sets up the double arm Rock Bottom to end the massacre. Apparently that move is called the Death Penalty.

Konnan vs. Villano IV

They’re going really light on the promos tonight. Hugh Morrus talks about how he doesn’t like Konnan anymore, which I think happened at Slamboree. Konnan and Villano shake hands before Konnan hits him in the ribs to start. Konnan pounds him into the corner and fires off a dropkick. He shouts VIVA MEXICO which apparently fires up Villano.

After a brief comeback, Villano shouts VIVA MEXICO as well. Not that it really matters as Konnan hits an Alabama Slam out of the corner to stop the momentum dead. Here’s Morrus but security stops him in the aisle. The 187 (fisherman’s DDT) kills Villano dead and Tequila Sunrise (half crab with armbar) gets the win for Konnan.

Rating: C-. Just a squash here as Konnan was a guy who had a decent place in the midcard. The next step for him of course: put him in the NWO where he got lost in the shuffle. He was a Mexican wrestler who could actually wrestle a style different from the dozen or so other luchadores they had which gave him something to offer. Then it went nowhere because the NWO didn’t have enough lackeys.

Konnan runs down the Dungeon and Sullivan post match.

Masahiro Chono vs. ???

Sonny comes out to introduce the surprise: The Great Muta. Chono is NWO. We get a LONG stall at the beginning of the match, during which Larry announces that the Japanese are in fact a different race. No contact in the first minute. Or in the second minute. Muta puts on a VERY weak headlock. So weak that Chono just ducks out of it and Muta doesn’t move his arms. Sonny freaks out on Muta, Muta sprays mist in his eyes, and Muta joins the NWO. Well no one had joined in a few months so I guess we needed someone else to inflate the ranks.

Hour #2 starts.

Savage talks about his feud with Page. Apparently he wants a rematch at the Bash, which may or may not already be set. The idea is that Savage was embarrassed by a guy in his first main event match at Spring Stampede and it’s driving him crazier than he already is.

Here are Page and Kimberly with a rebuttal. The match is already signed apparently. Page has the crutch that was broken over his back by Hogan. He talks about how he’s under Savage’s skin and how he owes Hogan a Diamond Cutter. Page owes Savage even more though and he’ll get that at the Bash. Kimberly says she’s keeping the pieces of the crutch as a memento. She also has some of the hair that Savage pulled out of her head. Page says you don’t mess with family or his wife, and Savage messed with both. See, this is how you build up a match. I want to see these two fight now.

Barbarian vs. Jim Powers

Powers fires off some basic offense to start but can’t take Barbarian down. A clothesline takes Powers’ head off and Barbarian sends him out to the floor for some more beating. Back in and they chop it out with Barbie taking over. Powers gets in some boots but he doesn’t jump far enough coming off the middle rope so Barbarian can catch him in a powerslam. A big boot ends Powers.

Rating: D. Powers is FINALLY done after this, not appearing on Nitro for over a year after this. Why we needed to have Barbarian get a squash win on Nitro is kind of head scratching but it was something different than they’ve had in the rest of the show. Meng has been doing some singles stuff around this time so maybe that’s why.

Benoit comes out post match and wants Sullivan back soon. Hart says Barbarian is ready for Benoit right now so Benoit takes his jacket off and gets in the ring. Hart says next week.

The Giant vs. Jerry Flynn/Johnny Swinger/Rick Fuller

The jobbers have to tag here so what are you expecting to happen? Swinger starts and can’t do anything. Flynn can’t do anything so it’s off to Fuller who is by far the biggest guy on the team. After Fuller gets beaten up, all three come in with Flynn and Fuller getting belly to back suplexed at the same time. There’s a chokeslam to Swinger, there’s one for Fuller, and there’s one for Flynn. Giant pins all Swinger and Flynn at the same time.

Luger and Giant are in the ring and we hear about an open contract issued by Hogan and Rodman for the PPV Luger talks about being an NBA fan and watching Rodman. At Uncensored, Rodman came into the WCW world and Luger would like to invite them back. Luger issues the challenge for the PPV and Giant says they’re ready. I’m missing something because that match wound up happening at Bash at the Beach. Maybe that’s what they meant or maybe it was changed.

Lee Marshall does his road report jazz.

Here’s Syxx to talk about Flair. He shows us a video from last week of him and the Outsiders beating up Flair before bringing the Outsiders out. Hall and Nash have the newer design of the tag titles which I’ve always liked better. They make fun of Piper and say Piper couldn’t make Hogan sleep unless they showed him Piper’s latest movie. To the shock of everyone, Hall and Nash offer to defend the titles. The opponents aren’t the shock. It’s that they’re actually defending the belts. They want Piper and Flair so they can retire them once and for all.

Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael vs. Harlem Heat

Before the match we get a quick recap of Kevin Greene running in last week. Booker and Jeff start things off but it’s off to Mongo before anything happens. Mongo runs him over but Booker won’t tag out. Booker escapes a belly to back suplex but gets punched in the face and clotheslined down. Off to Jarrett as Greene is on commentary now. Stevie comes in and pounds on Jarrett in the corner before slamming him down. We cut to the commentators so we can see that Greene is in fact wearing a football jacket.

Off to Booker vs. Mongo again with the Horsemen taking over. Booker misses a charge into the corner but Stevie blasts Mongo in the back of the head to put him down. Stevie uses the power stuff to take over on McMichael before it’s back to Booker for a chinlock. Harlem Heat double teams to draw in Jarrett which allows for even more double teaming.

Stevie puts on another chinlock so we cut to the announcers again. Mongo comes out of nowhere with a powerslam to Booker and it’s hot (?) tag to Jarrett. Jeff fires off dropkicks to take over and everything breaks down. Mongo realizes Greene is with the announcers and walks off for a brawl. Jeff puts Booker in the Figure Four but Stevie breaks it up and a Hart Attack with Booker hitting a side kick instead of a clothesline gets the pin for the Heat.

Rating: D+. This was long and not interesting. The problem is there’s no reason for these guys to be fighting and the main story of the match was about the football players fighting, which I don’t think anyone was interested in seeing. Just like last week: these matches have almost no meaning because the Outsiders never defend the belts, so these guys are all fighting for nothing.

Jarrett says that might be the last straw.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff to end the show. Hogan says the title is on the line right now if Sting wants to face him for it. Bischoff says unfortunately Sting isn’t here tonight. They turn their backs to the camera and Sting pops up through the mat. And of course it’s the fake one and the announcers are fooled.

The NWO Sting stays on his knees in front of Hogan and nods when asked if he’s half the man Hogan is. He bows down to Hogan and the real Sting repels into the ring. There’s a Death Drop for Bischoff and Hogan falls over the bowing fake Sting. The real one beats up the fake one and here come the troops. Sting flies into the rafters again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This started off hot but slowed way down afterwards. Having Hogan around helped a lot and you can see that they’re building to Sting vs. Hogan eventually. I don’t think anyone expected it to take another seven months, but it was worth it in theory. As for the rest of the show, it wasn’t bad but as always, the show is better when the bigger names are in play.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #88
Date: May 19, 1997
Location: Ashville Civic Center, Ashville, North Carolina
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

We’re FINALLY past Slamboree and we have four weeks before the Great American Bash where the world title still won’t be on the line. At least that show will have a big time grudge match in the main event but we’ll get to that later on. Anyway tonight is likely going to establish the PPV main event and deal with the fallout from last night. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending of the show last night with the old guys winning and Tony declaring it the BIGGEST MOMENT EVER in WCW.

Here’s Flair to open the show. Flair says that last night he erased everything the NWO has done with the help of Piper and Greene. This draws out Syxx who says that the wrong guy got pinned last night and that he doesn’t like the idea of Flair saying he can beat Syxx. Syxx says he can beat Flair and challenges Flair to a match tonight. Flair says he doesn’t know if he can beat Hall and Nash but he knows he can beat Syxx so it’s on.

TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Steven Regal

Regal pounds the punk kid down to start and hammers him in the corner. A sunset flip gets two for Iaukea and the fans are on fire tonight. Iaukea crucifixes him down for another two but Regal counters a headscissors by slamming him down face first onto the mat. Regal kicks him in the head and suplexes him before the Regal Stretch ends this. Seeing Prince Iaukea get beaten up makes me smile.

We get some clips from last night with Mortis and Wrath beating up Glacier until Ernest Miller debuted made the save.

Masahiro Chono vs. Dave Taylor

Chono is NWO. Tenay talks about a major name debuting on June 30 on Nitro. I won’t say who but if what I can find is correct, two major names would debut that night. Taylor controls early with some European uppercuts but walks into an atomic drop. Chono knocks him to the floor but back in the ring a piledriver is broken up by Taylor. Not that it matters as Taylor charges into a boot and the STF ends this quick. The STF is Chono’s signature hold if you’re not familiar with him.

Sonny Onoo says Chono has a debt to pay with New Japan and Onoo has someone coming in next week but won’t say who.

JJ Dillon reinstates Nick Patrick.

Scotty Riggs vs. Michael Wallstreet

Wallstreet isn’t allowed to be in the NWO but he’s anti-WCW. Riggs speeds things up to start and hits his decent dropkick, only to have Wallstreet take him down soon thereafter. Wallstreet hooks a chinlock as the fans look at something in the crowd. A small package gets two for Riggs and Wallstreet tries to pull something out of his pocket. Nick Patrick stops him and Riggs gets a sunset flip for the pin. Another short match, but did we REALLY need to see Scotty Riggs vs. Michael Wallstreet when we had an hour for the show? I get that it’s for Nick Patrick, but do we need to focus on him either? Really?

Speaking of wasting time, here’s NASCAR driver Mark Martin to talk about a sweepstakes to win a racecar. The car being brought in is probably what the fans were looking at in the Riggs match. Flair comes out with Martin to try to make this look like it’s important.

Time for the road report to waste some more time. This includes Lee Marshall singing some Elvis.

We get a video from last night with Page holding off Savage and the NWO with a crutch.The Giant eventually made the save when Page got in trouble.

Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael vs. Steiner Brothers

Jarrett and Scott start things off with Jeff being sent into the corner quickly. Jeff comes back with a neckbreaker to take over but a suplex is no sold. Scott gorilla presses Jeff down and hits a kind of Angle Slam off the top for two. Off to Rick vs. Mongo and it’s a slugfest of course. Mongo takes out Rick’s knee but gets caught by a suplex and what was supposed to be the middle rope bulldog but wound up being like a cravate-dog if that makes sense. Everything breaks down and Kevin Greene runs in with a briefcase shot to Mongo’s back, giving Rick the easy pin.

Rating: C-. Apparently they thought last night’s match with White vs. Mongo was so great that we MUST do another battle of the football players. I mean, having Mongo as a ring general is a can’t miss idea right? The match was barely long enough to rate but it’s the longest match of the night so far. The problem with these tag matches is there’s nothing to fight for because the Outsiders weren’t going to defend the titles, so why bother having the other teams fight?

We get a video from during the break where Mongo and Greene got in a fight backstage.

Ric Flair vs. Syxx

Syxx jumps Flair as he comes in but a charge into the corner misses. Flair fires away with punches and chops and here are the Outsiders for the DQ. The match wasn’t even a minute long.

Flair gets destroyed because the Horsemen were escorted from the building due to the Mongo vs. Greene fight. Nash says it’s about putting the old guys out of business. Syxx has flowers for some reason.

Here’s Bischoff for the closing segment. He says that last week he wanted to talk to Sting but he was nowhere to be found. The NWO called him and looked for him and even sent a private detective agency after him. Sting isn’t in the rafters or the locker room tonight because he’s a coward. Sting will never get a match with Hogan because it would mean bad things for the Scorpion enthusiast. Bischoff says if Sting were here, he’d slap the paint off his face. Sting pops up through the ring and lays out Bischoff to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This definitely wasn’t a good show but it was miles better than the previous week’s. I know they only have an hour at this point, but does WCW know that? At times I’m really not sure given some of the stuff they put out there. This show felt like it had some energy to it this week which has been lacking for awhile. Maybe it’s because they’re coming off a PPV or maybe it’s because the build to Slamboree was incredibly long, but this felt much fresher and it made the show go by a lot faster. They’re back to the full two hours next week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s another hour long show this week which was a nice change of pace last week. We’re finally getting close to the end of the build to Slamboree which has gone on way too long now. I believe Hogan is back tonight which will help a lot with the levels of interest on these shows. If nothing else the main event is better than Mongo vs. Barbarian. Let’s get to it.

We open with Flair, Piper and Greene at the announce table but there’s a banner that says “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” behind them. They freak out before they say anything and we go to the opening sequence.

Back with the three guys in the ring and there’s another paper drop like last week. Piper goes on a rant about last week and the 75% of the gate demands the NWO made. He doesn’t carry a purse so that’s fine with him. JJ comes out and says the NWO is getting 75% and Piper has to deal with it. Didn’t Piper just say it’s ok with him? JJ leaves and Flair says he’ll be ready in Charlotte. There won’t be a single pothole in the road.

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Public Enemy’s music started while Flair, Piper and Greene were still in the ring and Flair walked past them as they came out. Are they in a time crunch or something? Both teams bring out tables and it’s a brawl to start. They almost immediately head to the floor and Jimmy Hart is put on the table but Konnan makes a last second save. Public Enemy loads up two tables on top of each other and Grunge dives through both, but Konnan was pulled out before the collision.

After all that, it’s time for an actual match to start. Rocco hits a standing moonsault onto both guys for two but Konnan powerbombs him down. There’s a table set up in the middle of the ring but as Rock goes up to splash Konnan through it, Morrus superplexes him through Konnan through the table. Even though Rock is on top of Konnan, Morrus covers Rock for the pin.

Rating: D. I was tempted to not rate this but it was long enough. I have no idea how this wasn’t a DQ in there somewhere but even though it wasn’t, the match was still a mess with a confusing ending. I guess the idea was to fire up the crowd, or to just copy ECW, but either way it was a big mess and it didn’t make a ton of sense.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Hall, Nash and Syxx come out in jeans. Rey is looking around and Syxx gets in a spin kick to start. The Bronco Buster is countered by a kick and the Outsiders come in. Hall gets in a shot to the back and hits the Outsiders Edge. Syxx wins with the Buzz Killer in about a minute. How bad are the referees tonight? Somehow he didn’t notice the two huge men in the ring at the same time?

JJ and Nick Patrick come out to break the hold but the NWO comes out as well. Eric tells JJ to get out of here because JJ has no power. Good grief what is the point in JJ even existing if they’re just going to flat out tell us he has no authority? Syxx yells about McMahon because that’s edgy.

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Hogan runs his mouth about the Wolfpac and calls out Sting but no one answers. That’s all from Hollywood at the moment.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

This is fallout from Regal trying to help Benoit from getting beaten down last week. They go at it immediately and sweet goodness are they going at it. Meng pounds Regal down in the corner but Regal fires right back with punches that stagger the monster back. Not that it matters as here’s Kevin Sullivan, who Regal goes after for the DQ. This lasted about 40 seconds but there was more action in it than most matches you’ll see on Raw in a given week.

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Here are Page and Kimberly. Kimberly looks great in a white dress, even though she stumbles down the ramp. Page talks about being in a lot of bar fights over the years, but none of them were as bad as the one at Spring Stampede. Kimberly refutes Savage’s statements that she loves him, but here’s Savage in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him and that’s about it.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff immediately armdrags him down and struts before we go to some chain wrestling. A swinging neckbreaker puts Wright down and Jeff hits the running hip attack while Wright is in 619 position. Wright comes back with aggression but then stops to dance. Debra’s distraction lets Jarrett chop block Wright and the figure four ends this fast.

Time for NASCAR stuff. There’s an announcement coming in two weeks regarding WCW and NASCAR. Oh joy.

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Apparently Luger was injured in Japan by the NWO so it’s Giant on his own. Giant says he has a partner to replace Luger though.

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Savage pops up as Page comes out but Page steals a crutch from him. Hogan jumps Page from behind with the other crutch and Page is in trouble. The NWO comes out to beat on Page. Where is Giant? Oh he’s in the ring getting ganged up on by the NWO. Flair and Greene come out as well but get beaten down. Piper comes in once everyone else is down and is promptly beaten as well. Hogan runs his mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Nitro is in a bad stage at this point as the shows aren’t really good or bad but rather just kind of there. The star power helped a lot here as this felt like stuff that actually mattered. The problem with that is it’s the same stuff we’ve seen time after time. JJ continues to mean nothing at all which would be the case for a good while to come. The NWO stuff is back to what it used to be, which is to say that it’s repetitive. Nothing of note would really change until August, and even that was just for five days. The show being an hour was a big help here though, as two hours would be too much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #83
Date: April 14, 1997
Location: Philadelphia Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

These are taking longer than I was hoping and now that I’ve got more time on my hands due to being done with the PPV reviews, I’ll be doing four of these at a time instead of two in a row. Also I kind of like these shows more than some of the WWF shows I’ve been doing so it’s more fun for me this way. This is another of the ten matches deep cards tonight but I wouldn’t bet on there being much going on here tonight with the big names. Let’s get to it.

Oh and by the way: we’re in Philadelphia the night after ECW’s Barely Legal. I wonder if we’ll hear a certain chant tonight.

We open with a recap of Nash and Hogan having their summit last week, as well as Sting lowering from the rafters to chase off the NWO.

Apparently Luger wants his earned title shot tonight. This brings the NWO to the announce desk (no Hogan). Nash says that if Luger wants the shot, he has to beat Nash tonight.

Chris Benoit vs. Barbarian

The place erupts for Benoit. Granted it may be for that awesome Horsemen theme. I could listen to that all day. Benoit is on fire to start and takes Barbarian down, hitting a sunset flip and northern lights suplex for two. Jimmy trips up Benoit on the floor and gets punched in the face for his efforts. For Benoit’s efforts though, Barbarian kicks him in the face. Advantage Barbarian.

Back in the ring Benoit snaps off a German but gets crotched on the top. Barbarian hits a BIG overhead belly to belly superplex for two. The savage (Barbarian I mean) misses a swan dive before Benoit hits his own for the pin. For a two and a half minute match, this was AWESOME.

Post match the Dungeon comes in and destroys Benoit until the Horsemen make the save. Benoit says that he’s going to destroy Sullivan before Sullivan destroys him. This feud has been going on for what, almost a year now?

US Title: Hector Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko

Dean gets a huge reaction of course. Apparently Bischoff is going to get a decision made on his future next week. They fight over a wristlock to start followed by some very fast near falls. Dean finally takes him down with a drop toehold and puts on a chinlock. Hector counters an abdominal stretch to send Dean to the floor and follows him out with kind of a standing Vader Bomb onto Dean. Sunset flip back in gets two for the challenger (Guerrero in case you’re rather slow) but Dean powerbombs him down and puts on the Cloverleaf for the tap out. Another short but very fast paced match.

Eddie comes out to save despite his arm being in a sling.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Reggie White is here and will fight McMichael at some point in the near future. They fight over a wristlock to start until Juvy hits a spin kick to the face to take over. Rey counters into a kind of reverse crucifix backbreaker and the fans start the first loud ECW chant of the night. Rey headscissors him over the top and out to the floor where both guys are down.

As Mysterio gets back in, Juvy powerbombs him off the apron and back to the floor. Back in and a springboard knee to the back keeps Rey in trouble. It’s time for the gymnastics portion of the match as neither guy can connect with anything. Rey hits the West Coast Pop out of nowhere for the quick pin.

Rating: C-. Considering who was in here, this was a disappointment. They weren’t really moving as fast as you would expect them to and there weren’t any high spots. Still though the match wasn’t bad and Rey is always worth checking out in 1997. That being said, this was easily the weakest match of the night so far.

Luna Vachon wants the Women’s Title.

TV Title: Lane Carlson vs. Ultimo Dragon

They’re flying through these matches tonight. I’m assuming the title is on the line here. Carlson is more famous as Lenny Lane. Feeling out process to start until Dragon escapes a backdrop and fires off the rapid kicks. A great looking dropkick takes Lane’s head off for two. Lane comes back with a bad looking Rocker Dropper for two and a bulldog gets the same. A clothesline puts Dragon on the floor and Lane hits a flip dive off the top to crush Dragon. Dragon throws Lane back in and kicks him through the ropes to take over. Back in and the top rope superrana sets up the tiger suplex for the pin for Dragon to retain.

Rating: C-. Another fast paced and surprisingly watchable match. This is what WCW was great at: taking a named guy and putting him out there with some no name and letting the no name show off a little bit. Lane would go on to be the Cruiserweight Champion when the company was falling apart.

Cruiserweight Title: Syxx vs. Prince Iaukea

We’re having an extreme lack of promos tonight. Iaukea speeds things up to start, showing off more fast paced offense in 30 seconds than he did in seven weeks as TV Champion. A kick to the face and a mat slam put Syxx down but he comes back with a spinwheel kick. Syxx is Cruiserweight Champion here but I don’t think the title is on the line. We put the camera on Reggie White for about 15 seconds and come back to Syxx holding a chinlock. We have a Hat Guy sighting as well.

Syxx takes him into the corner and hits the Bronco buster but something similar to a Swanton misses. Apparently this is for the title. Iaukea starts a comeback and hits a springboard clothesline for two before going up. Syxx crotches him but gets shoved down so Prince can badly mess up a top rope sunset flip for two. Syxx kicks the Prince down and hooks on the Buzz Kill (crossface chickenwing) to retain.

Rating: C-. The good part here is almost all because of Syxx. Iaukea was just so freaking dull, and when you had guys like Dragon, Mysterio, Guerrera, Benoit and Malenko around at this point, there was no room for a guy like Iaukea. As usual with Waltman, I like him WAY more when he’s against a smaller guy. It’s a shame he killed the Cruiserweight Title for so long though.

Here are Flair, Piper and Kevin Greene for a chat. Piper rambles about bald guys being cowards and something about gorillas in the Congo. He talks about Bischoff wearing Rodman shirts and implies the NWO is all coming out of the closet. If he wakes up with a dead horse’s head in his bed, he’s having a barbecue. Now he goes on a rant about people pouring asphalt and cutting down trees so they could start Starrcade and Wrestlemania. I assure you, this promo doesn’t make much more sense in full context. I think he’s talking about paving the way for the NWO guys.

Kevin says he did everything Hogan told him to do as a kid and then Hogan stabbed everyone in the back. The NWO is a bunch of rookies that are here just for the money. Greene uses the chopping wood and laying asphalt thing and it’s about respect apparently. For a celebrity that isn’t used to being on a live mic, Greene was pretty good here.

Flair talks about being trained by Verne Gagne in 1973 and walking into St. Louis in 1983 (at the age of 35. Think about that for a minute. At the time this is being written, Sheamus is 33. Flair was two years older than that back in 1983. That’s hard to fathom.) and wrestling Dick the Bruiser. Then in 1993 he wrestled Savage in the Hoosier Dome (it was 92 but close enough) and in 2003 he’ll still be going. That’s actually true and he even won a title that year.

High Voltage vs. Public Enemy

This is a street fight and it’s in Philadelphia. Not a bad way to start the second hour. You can barely hear Tony over the reaction for Rock and Grunge. Public Enemy sets up two tables at ringside before the bell and bring in trashcan lids to get us going. The chant starts before the bell even rings. There are about five trashcan lids in the ring and all of them go upside various people’s heads. I’m not really going to try to call anything in this as it barely resembles wrestling.

A horrible piledriver to Rage onto a trashcan doesn’t really do much damage so Public Enemy brings out a toilet seat instead. Heenan suggests dropping a dumpster on people from the ceiling. After a brawl on the floor, Kaos gets in some offense and is promptly booed out of the building. The fans are literally standing in the crowd. Another piledriver on the trashcan puts Kaos down and it’s table time. Two are stacked on top of each other and Rage is crushed with the Quebecers’ Cannonball move for the pin by Rock.

Rating: C+. The match here was completely beside the point. This was a way to fire up the crowd and to put it mildly, it worked very well. The fans erupted over the Public Enemy because they were ECW legends and every ECW fan was on cloud nine at this point. The match was basically a squash and that’s all it should be.

Giant vs. Big Al

Speaking of ECW, Big Al is more famous as 911. We’re told that Giant let Luger pin him at the PPV because Giant owed Luger a favor from when Luger was the first person to welcome Giant back to WCW. That makes sense. Anyway, chokeslam ends this in like a minute.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Konnan

Page works on the arm to start but Konnan stomps him down in the corner for a bit. Page rams him into the buckle, shrugs off a poke to the eye, and hits the Diamond Cutter for the fast pin. Typical Page match from this time period.

Savage and Liz are in the crowd with Randy telling Kimberly to stop calling him. Page charges after Savage but Macho escapes.

Harlem Heat vs. Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael

Jeff and Booker get us going with Booker running him over a few times. Mongo comes in and wants to fight the bigger member of the Heat in Stevie Ray. Mongo powerslams him down for two as we take a break. Back with Jarrett getting double teamed in the corner and taken down via a double elbow. Stevie comes in and pounds Jeff down again before tagging out to Booker for an ax kick. The Heat hit a double suplex for two and it’s off to a chinlock from Stevie.

Booker comes in to break up a sunset flip as we hear about some guy named Tiger Woods winning the Masters. Booker kicks Jarrett down again but a second kick misses. Jeff tries the Figure Four instead of tagging and everything breaks down. The briefcase is brought in but Sherri steals it from Mongo. Sherri tries to hit Mongo with it but the shot doesn’t seem to do much. The girls fight and the match gets thrown out. In a likely unintentional spot after the match, Sherri swings and misses Debra but hits her in the head on the back swing. Good.

Rating: D+. This incarnation of the Horsemen just were not that good. I get the idea that they’re supposed to be arguing, but that went on FOREVER and never went anywhere. How many weeks in a row now have I talked about the exact same kind of things happening in these matches? Oh and what was the point of the ending? It doesn’t help anything.

Apparently the Horsemen win by DQ. Ok then.

Gene talks to Mongo about his match with White at the PPV. As usual, Mongo cuts a heel promo despite being in a face faction. Mongo blasts White for a bit on the mic until White jumps the barricade. Mongo spits in his face and it’s on.

Kevin Nash vs. Lex Luger

The reinforcements come out for the NWO almost immediately. Nash pounds him into the corner and hits the framed elbow. A charge (yes, a charge from Kevin Nash) misses Luger but Lex has to stop to knock Syxx down, allowing Nash to kick Luger’s head off. Side slam gets two and Snake Eyes puts Luger down again. Nash hits the running hip attack to Luger’s back while Luger is in 619 position. Luger comes back with the steel forearm and here’s the NWO for the big beatdown and the DQ.

Rating: D. This was just a way to build up to the ending with the big NWO run in and the post match stuff. Nash was doing nothing but basic stuff and Luger hit about two moves in total. Then again, they only had about four minutes to work with so it may be unfair to blame the guys in the match. On the other hand, it’s Kevin Nash in 1997 so we can safely blame him.

Page tries to make the save but gets beaten down eventually. Giant comes out but Nash has a lead pipe. Sting walks down the ramp with three ball bats, giving one each to Giant, Luger and Page. Sting pulls out one for himself and the ring is cleared to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. As usual, when you let the Cruiserweights do their stuff, the show is good but when the other guys in there, things start to fall apart. The crowd helped this show a lot as they were erupting for everything all night. While it wasn’t a great show because of the lack of anything really happening, the wrestling was enough to carry it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #82
Date: April 7, 1997
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko

Back to Nitro and it’s the first night after Spring Stampede. Almost nothing has changed as that was one of the least important shows in recent memory. We’re now on the way towards Slamboree which will set the bar even lower as Hogan’s spring/summer vacation continues. Hopefully this is a more interesting show than last week. Let’s get to it.

Tony and Larry suggest there’s turmoil in the NWO. This would be the first of about 87 times this was potentially happening. We get a lot of stills from the main event last night with Nash power bombing Nick Patrick after the pin was counted for Page.

Konnan/Hugh Morrus vs. Psychosis/Alex Wright

Wright and Morrus start us off and the fans seem rowdy tonight. Alex uses the Daniel Bryan moonsault out of the corner and works on the arm of Morrus. Off to Psychosis as the announcers talk about having an opening to beat the NWO now. Konnan comes in illegally but walks into a superkick that didn’t appear to connect from Psychosis. A better looking top rope spinwheel kick puts Konnan down and Psychosis takes Morrus down on the floor as well.

Morrus comes in and with nothing better to do, we go split screen to show Page arriving earlier today and looking hurt. A powerslam gets no cover on the masked man and a middle rope elbow misses for Morrus. Double tag brings in Wright and Konnan and Alex cleans house. A top rope cross body gets one on Hugh but Konnan hits him with a neckbreaker and No Laughing Matter (moonsault) gets the pin on Wright.

Rating: D+. Not much here but it wasn’t bad. The Dungeon of Doom was about a year and a half past their expiration date and they would never mean anything again. For that matter you could say the same for Wright and Psychosis as well, but they had some moderate success. Not a lot to say here.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Steven Regal

No entrances for either guy but at least we got that nifty set of stills from Madusa vs. Hokuto. Regal takes over to start and sends Rey out to the floor and into the barricade. Back inside and we’re told the NWO has arrived. Naturally we look at this instead of the match. I know they’re a bigger deal but this gets on my nerves. You could EASILY show this between the matches and nothing would be any worse. Hogan and Bischoff talk about problems in the family and it’s only the two of them plus DiBiase and Vincent.

Back in the ring, Mysterio sends Regal to the apron but misses a charge. Regal goes up top but takes too long, allowing Rey to hit a springboard headscissors for two. West Coast Pop doesn’t connect properly and only gets two. Regal takes him down and puts on the Regal Stretch but Rey makes the rope. For some reason during part of that hold referee Randy Anderson had his hand on the back of Rey’s head. Regal won’t break the hold and it’s a DQ.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here again but at least we could see most of the match instead of having most of the time being spent on the NWO buying a newspaper or whatever they’re doing this week. Regal was snapping at this point but I don’t remember anything coming out of it, which is a shame as he was good at being psycho.

Prince Iaukea comes out for the save but Regal beats him down and puts him in the Stretch too. The totally calm look on Regal’s face as he tortures Iaukea and punches him in the face is borderline chilling.

The rest of the NWO arrives. Savage is on crutches.

We recap last night’s bizarre one on one match for the tag titles which was basically Rick Steiner being squashed by Kevin Nash. This led to Ted DiBiase getting upset by the amount of punishment Steiner received.

Ice Train vs. Chris Benoit

Woman is continuing to look good here so at least the squash won’t be a total loss. Benoit pounds away to start but walks into a press slam from Train. Benoit starts chopping away but Ice Train yells at him and clotheslines Benoit down. Train puts on a chinlock as we go split screen to see Hogan throwing the belt down and the NWO gets in an argument.

Savage seems to be the one with the most issues here. Nash walks away and Norton says get it together. Back in the ring Woman takes Teddy Long down and a Benoit DDT gets the pin. It was barely long enough to rate in the first place and since we missed a good piece of it for an NWO argument I’ll pass on a rating. It was exactly what you would expect though.

We get a video on the premiere of Double Team, which is Dennis Rodman’s new movie. This is shown because the NWO was there, which brings up a question: the NWO is supposed to be a totally different organization from WCW in storyline terms right? So why would WCW show this stuff? There’s no disclaimer saying that the NWO paid for this and Tony intros it, so why would they show it?

Hector Guerrero vs. Kevin Sullivan

Hector is a dead ringer for Eddie and may actually be more talented in the ring than Eddie was. Sullivan pounds Hector down to start and knocks him to the floor so Jackie can slam him which is supposed to be impressive for some reason. Back in the ring and Sullivan keeps up the assault and then throws him out to Jackie for more of her punches and another slam. The Tree of Woe and double stomp end this quick, and by that I mean the guy that got in all the offense so far, as in Sullivan, wins, in case that was too complicated for you.

Here’s the NWO with something to say. DiBiase says there are clearly problems here and we need to fix them now. Hogan says that Nash has a problem with this and throws the belt down again, saying it means nothing. Nash says that he has no problem with Rodman as he used to be a ball player too. But he spent Easter Sunday in a hotel room with Syxx which was a big problem for some reason.

Hogan says next Easter they’ll go on an NWO Easter Hunt, but for now he wants to know where Hall is. Nash says Hall is NWO for life but Hogan wants to fight right now. Nash talks about Hogan joining Hall and Nash and about how they’re NWO for life. That apparently buries the hatchet but Savage is mad. The fans want Sting. Hogan says he doesn’t want to fight Savage so get it together. Savage says ok but he and Bishoff are on probation with each other. That settles things apparently.

Hour #2 begins and we recap the first half of the show.

Gene brings out Flair for a chat. Flair rants a bit about the NWO and how he’s going to take them out. Here’s Piper who says he’s out of the asylum and rants a bit as well. Flair says Kevin Greene wants to join up with them and I think we’ve got a six man coming. Piper on the NWO: “They smell like six dead otters in a drainpipe.” Greene comes out and praises both guys before going insane as well. This would be the main event of the PPV.

US Title: Dean Malenko vs. Chris Jericho

This should be awesome. Things start off fast and Jericho hits a pair of kicks to take Malenko down. They head to the floor for some more kicks before a missile dropkick gets two back in the ring. A backslide gets the same but Jericho ducks his head and gets powerbombed. There’s the Cloverleaf but Jericho grabs the rope. Dean goes up but gets superplexed down. This is the first slow down they’ve had so far. As Jericho gets up, Dean hits a standing version of Orton’s Punt for the pin.

Rating: B. For a three minute match, this was AWESOME. Dean going all evil and kicking Jericho in the face was a good change of pace for him and it would lead to a decent heel run for him. Jericho was starting to get pushed and it would turn into a title run in a few months in a big win over an NWO member.

Public Enemy vs. High Voltage

High Voltage jumps the Public Enemy to start but gets slugged down almost immediately. A double flapjack sets up a double suplex on Rage for no cover. The fans like the arm waving thing the Public Enemy does. Rock and Kaos officially get us going before Rock is sent to the floor for a beating from Rage. Back in and Rock hits a neckbreaker on Kaos for two. Tag to Grunge who cleans house. They head to the floor and Kaos is put on the table. The elbow through said table misses while back in the ring, Rage hits a northern lights suplex for the pin. Short but energetic again.

Public Enemy says sometimes the table works for you and sometimes it works against you but it’s all good. Rock challenges High Voltage to a Philadelphia street fight next week. They say they’ll get extreme next week.

Prince Iaukea is getting his ribs taped up.

Harlem Heat vs. Steve McMichael/Jeff Jarrett

And there’s no Mongo. Booker gets things going in a match that would be for the world title in about three years. Booker runs him over to start but Jarrett comes back with some hip tosses. Jarrett goes to the corner but gets pounded down as the Heat takes over again. Stevie comes in and catches Jarrett in what we would call the World’s Strongest Slam. Jeff dropkicks both guys to the floor and things slow down a bit.

Stevie slams him down again and it’s back to Booker. The numbers game is catching up with Jeff as Booker side kicks him down for two. Debra has left ringside as the announcers are trying to figure out if Mongo was here earlier or not. The ax kick hits but Booker tags out instead of covering. Jarrett grabs a small package out of nowhere for two and a sunset flip out of the corner gets the same on Booker. A double suplex puts Jeff down for two and Debra is back again. Jeff misses a dropkick and Stevie guillotines him on the top rope.

Even Sherri is getting in some attacks on Jeff, hitting him in the chest and choking him a bit. A quick backslide gets two for Jarrett and he avoids the Harlem Side Kick, crotching Booker in the process. Stevie hits a brainbuster and here’s Mongo who looks fine. Stevie misses something off the top and Mongo is on the apron. There’s the tag and Mongo cleans house. Jarrett is spent so Mongo tags him back in. Mongo shoves him into the side kick and Booker gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a long angle advancement which is a good thing, but it’s an angle that wasn’t interesting for the most part. At the end of the day, they’re fighting about Debra who is just annoying beyond belief. Mongo wasn’t any good in the ring and Jarrett was awful as a face at this point. It wouldn’t be until be became a male sexist pig in the WWF that he really came into his own.

Jarrett and Mongo bicker post match. Mongo says he wants more pain but never would say where he was.

TV Title: Ultimo Dragon vs. Prince Iaukea

Iaukea is injured from the attack by Regal earlier in the night. He tries to speed things up to start but a slam fails. Iaukea rolls him up for two and a backslide gets the same. Dragon uses his first opening and kicks the Prince in the ribs to take over. Iaukea gets the feet up to take out a diving Dragon but Dragon kicks him in the ribs a few times and pins him quickly for the title. This was basically a squash.

Another package of stills from last night. I’ll give WCW one thing: other than the title matches which are obvious, they haven’t said who won any of these matches. That’s one thing that annoys me about WWE doing this: they’ll tell you to buy the replay but they’ll explain every single thing that happened. Here at least they’re just showing pictures of it but no endings.

Giant vs. Scott Steiner

Main event here, but Konnan and Hugh Morrus jump Scott on the way to the ring. Giant makes the save. Scott didn’t wrestle last night either so maybe he was injured. No match.

Here’s DDP to close the show. He talks about last night and how no one would have believed that could have happened a few years ago. Page says he’s an anomaly and if he had gotten his hands on Savage last night when Savage was hurting Kimberly, he would have killed the Macho Man. Cue Savage on crutches but Hogan follows him out and stops him.

Hogan says this one is on him and the rest of the NWO appears on stage. Hogan rips his shirt off and here’s Sting on a zip line and repelling from the ceiling. He stands in the aisle in front of the NWO and holds the bat out at Hogan. Sting hands Page the bat but pulls out another one to point at Hogan again. The NWO cowers to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This show worked MUCH better than the previous week’s did and that’s because the big stars were here. Last week and at Spring Stampede, no one showed up and it felt like an unimportant show. This show came off like it mattered and even though the PPV would mean nothing again, this was a good start on the six week build to Slamboree.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #81
Date: March 31, 1997
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Attendance: 8,709
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Man I haven’t done one of these in forever. We’re getting close to Spring Stampede, so close in fact that it’s this Sunday. The main feud at the moment is Page vs. Savage because Hogan didn’t want to defend the world title on PPV for about four months. Tonight will likely just be a lot of build up towards that show, which is going to be very hit or miss. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week with Savage vs. Iaukea. I’m still not sure why they didn’t just let Savage have the belt so he and Page could fight over it.

The NWO has arrived sans Hogan, Bischoff and Hall.

Lex Luger/Giant vs. Rick Fuller/Roadblock

The graphic says Luger/Giant are tag champions but that hasn’t been the case for weeks. Giant and Fuller start things off. Fuller is a big guy who looks like a taller Rhyno. Roadblock is even bigger but to the point of being fat. Giant throws Fuller into the corner and clotheslines him before bringing in Lex. Luger works on the arm but gets poked in the eye to bring in Roadblock.

A splash in the corner has Luger in trouble as the fat man is rolling quickly. Lex ducks another clothesline though and there’s the forearm to the head which may or may not have steel in it. Luger doesn’t tag Giant when he has the chance and Roadblock knees him in the ribs. A legdrop gets two for Roadie and it’s back to Fuller. That goes nowhere so here’s Roadblock again. A splash misses and here’s Giant. He kicks both guys down and does it again with a double clothesline. Giant chokeslams Roadblock as Luger Racks Fuller to end it.

Rating: C. What the heck was this? You have Roadblock and Rick Fuller in there and you get a somewhat entertaining match? This was two guys who were big and fat (somewhat so in Fuller’s case) moving very well and showing off a bit. The match was a total surprise and took what should have been a squash and made it entertaining. Fun stuff here all things considered.

Harlem Heat, as in the guys in the fourway with Luger and Giant on Sunday, come in and we have a brawl.

After a break, Harlem Heat says they want respect. Somehow this takes almost two minutes.

Women’s Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Meiko Satomura vs. Toshie Uematsu

Yeah this title existed. The title would be decided on the Sunday show soon after this and then would never be mentioned on American TV more than maybe twice afterwards. It would be retired later this year, probably due to the fact that putting women in weight classes is a bad idea. I think Meiko is in red here. If so she takes over to start with a dropkick and hits a forearm in the corner.

Toshie comes back with a slam and a Daniel Bryan moonsault out of the corner. That gets horribly botched so she does it again a bit better. Meiko goes up but gets armdragged down and a top rope splash gets the win for Toshie. She would win the title and take it to Japan where it was completely forgotten.

Psychosis vs. Villano IV

Time for the random Cruiserweight match of the week. They trade wristlocks to start and Psychosis is put on the mat. He tries to spin out of it but Villano grabs a headlock to counter. I love basic stuff like that. Tenay shows off his knowledge of wrestling, explaining where the name Villano comes from (it means Villain and comes from Villano I being the villain in an El Santo movie). Psychosis headscissors him down and hits a spinwheel kick to a crotched Villano.

A big corkscrew plancha to the floor takes Villano down again. Back inside and Psychosis tries a jumping DDT off the top but gets caught in something like a side slam for two. We cut to the back where the NWO is talking. They say they’re going to take care of business. Wallstreet walks out on them and now it’s back to our match. Villano misses a moonsault and a superkick sets up the guillotine legdrop for the pin. We didn’t see enough to rate but what we saw was solid.

Here’s Flair for a chat. He talks about being in Roanoke and brings out Piper. Piper says Flair’s ears are growing like Pinnochio. He makes sex jokes about Flair and Flair thanks Piper for humbling himself enough to come here. Flair says they’re friends but Piper can never claim to be the best wrestler alive. There are 100 people today that call themselves the best but none of them call Piper out. Flair talks about getting the Nasty Boys out of here in 93 (huh?) and talks about Piper putting Hogan to sleep twice. Piper says Flair hasn’t been beaten ever and they agree to take on everyone together. I have no idea what I just saw.

TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. La Parka

La Parka kicks him down to start and hits a moonsault for two. Prince avoids a charge and La Parka’s shoulder hits the post. They head outside and the champ (Iaukea) is sent into the barricade. La Parka puts the Prince in a chair on the floor and dives through the ropes to take him out. Prince doesn’t seem that interested in selling so they head back inside. We get an awkward sequence of running the ropes and Iaukea superkicks him down.

The champ misses a cross body off the top though and it’s back to the outside. La Parka baseball slides the chair into Prince’s head which draws a bell, but the match keeps going with Parka hitting a big dive to the floor. Back inside and the fans are booing this out of the building. La Parka gets the chair and Prince dives into it off a cross body. He doesn’t sell it AT ALL, covers La Parka, and retains.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what I just saw in back to back segments. This was very awkward and from what I can tell, that’s mainly due to Iaukea. He wouldn’t sell most of La Parka’s stuff and on top of that the referee looked confused during the ending. These two were on different planets out there but La Parka’s high spots looked good.

Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho

Regal says Iaukea will be eating through a straw after Sunday. The brilliant fans chant USA for an Englishman and a Canadian. They go to a wristlock and Regal does his usual awesome sequence of rolling on his back and kicking Jericho’s hand away to break it. Jericho knocks him to the apron and hits the springboard dropkick to put him on the floor. Back in and the move that would become known as the Lionsault gets two. Regal tries a cobra clutch but Jericho ducks and superkicks him, followed by a rollup for a BIG upset.

Regal beats the tar out of him and hits a top rope butterfly suplex post match. Jericho gets put in the Regal Stretch and Renegade makes the save. Scratch that as he charges but pulls back without being touched. Joe Gomez comes in and breaks it up but gets beaten up by Regal. Billy Kidman comes in to help but gets headbutted. Lenny Lane gets beaten up as well.

Hour #2 begins and we get the traditional recap.

Mr. Wallstreet leaves.

Women’s Title: Debbie Combs vs. Akira Hokuto

Hokuto is defending and Combs is some old chick with big blonde hair. She turns her back on Hokuto who kicks her in the back to take over. Hokuto chokes her in the ropes and Sonny gets in a shot of his own to Debbie. Combs hits what is supposed to be called a gutwrench suplex for two and a cross body gets the same. Hokuto doesn’t care and grabs a German suplex (called a tiger suplex by Tony) and “he” (Tony again) beats her to retain. This was short.

Madusa says Roanoke rocks and says she’ll win the title on Sunday. Hokuto beats her down because no one wants to hear from Madusa.

The announcers talk about Sting a lot and we get a video on him.

We recap the Horsemen arguing last week.

Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael vs. Amazing French Canadians

After Bobby makes fun of the Virginia state song, we’re starting with Oullette vs. Mongo. Things break down quickly and Mongo cleans house, including dropkicking Rougeau to the floor. Rougeau vs. Jarrett now and double teaming takes Jarrett down. Jeff shrugs that off and dropkicks Oullette, followed by a tag to Mongo. I think it was supposed to be the hot tag but when the match is a minute long so far I don’t think you can have a hot tag. Public Enemy runs out and jumps the Horsemen, but Colonel Parker steals Mongo’s briefcase from Grunge who stole it last week. Rougeau gets the case and hits Mongo with it for the fast pin.

Debra complains about breaking some nails. Oh and the Public Enemy have bad breath and lice. My goodness what did they do the Horsemen? Mongo accuses Jarrett of hitting him with the case. If only there was some way to see the match again and find out what really happened.

Hugh Morrus vs. Chris Benoit

Woman is looking very good here. Morrus jumps him to start but Benoit comes back with chops. A powerslam puts Benoit down but he gets up before Morrus can try No Laughing Matter. Benoit pulls him off the ropes and hits a quick German for a pin. This didn’t even last 90 seconds.

Sullivan and Jacqueline come in and it’s a big brawl. Jackie hits a top rope splash on Benoit but Woman crotches her. Flair finally comes in for the save and gets by far and away the biggest ovation of the night. Arn Anderson gets in Sullivan’s way and they have an awkward staredown before Sullivan leaves. Benoit says that Sullivan is leaving soon and Benoit is the new generation.

We get another quick recap of Page getting beaten down last week.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Lance Ringo

Ringo is more famous as the almost equally forgettable Sick Boy. He brings the Playboy or Penthouse with Kimberly in it with him, making him more awesome than any other jobber in a long time. Page beats him up to start but gets clotheslined on the top rope. Ringo hits a springboard dropkick to put Page down, but DDP gets up and hits what we would call a TKO but here it’s a Diamond Cutter for the pin. Squash.

Post match Page talks about his wife being in Playboy and how proud he is of it. He’s not proud of what Liz and Savage did to Kimberly at Uncensored though, and he’s going to snap into Macho Man’s world. Cue Savage and Liz with Randy asking if Page has any family jewels to go with his diamonds. How did no one else ever make that joke? Page: “I’ll make sure to bring the lady, because you’re bringing the tramp (meaning Liz).” There was great chemistry here and I want to see them fight now.

High Voltage vs. Steiner Brothers

Kaos and Scott start and Scott throws him around with ease. Off to Rick and the barking begins. Rage sends him to the floor and rams the injured ear into the post. Kaos hits a slingshot legdrop to the back of Rick’s head followed by a neckbreaker for two. Rage misses a good looking springboard Swanton and it’s off to Scott. After some power displays, the FREAKING STEINER SCREWDRIVER ends Rage. If you’ve never seen that move before, look it up. It’s one of the most painful looking moves of all time.

Rating: A+. It had the Steiner Screwdriver in it, thereby making it awesome. This was barely long enough to rate and it was a squash for the most part so that’s all I’ve got.

Syxx and Nash come to the announce table and say the rest of the NWO A-Team has bailed to see the premier of Dennis Rodman’s new movie. Nash sounds really mad here and that ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t much at all. While it did a decent enough job of setting up Spring Stampede, the stuff they were offering on that show isn’t interesting enough for me to care. As annoying as Hogan can get, when he’s not around this show gets very dull very fast. This show wasn’t bad but this is a really boring few months for Nitro and it’s only going to get worse.

Here’s Spring Stampede if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/05/02/spring-stampede-1997-the-nwo-civil-war-begins/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 1992
Date: August 29, 1992 (aired on PPV August 31, 1992)
Location: Wembley Stadium, London, England
Attendance: 80,355
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

We’re a year removed from the nearly complete and utter crap that was Summerslam 1991. After Warrior was fired, he was back a mere 6 months later to save Hogan from getting beaten up by Sid. After a feud with Papa Shango, he was given a world title match at Summerslam against Macho. However, Flair and Perfect were still mad that Flair had never gotten his title match, so they’ve injected themselves into this.

The story goes like this: Flair says that they’ll be in the corner of one guy, but they won’t say whom. Both Savage and Warrior think someone is going to turn and the fans bought into it completely. Even I thought someone was going to turn. That’s main event #1. #2, and the real main event, was Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith for the IC Belt. This had another great storyline attached to it as Smith’s wife was Bret’s sister.

The angel was that she couldn’t decide whom to cheer for, which makes sense as who are you supposed to side with in a match like that? There’s no right or wrong answer and she eventually went with she hoped no one got hurt. That match is considered by many to be the greatest match of all time.

Now I’m not sure if I’d go that far, but it’s way up there. However, that’s more or less the only match most people remember from the show. This was the first PPV in a country other than the US or Canada, so let’s see how the first truly international show is.

So yeah, I screwed this up and had written all the way up to the start of Warrior/Savage and the computer died, ending my file which is going to have to be redone. I’m a bit ticked off about that. Actually I’m a lot ticked off about that. Let’s get this freaking thing going…again.

We open the show outside for no apparent reason as we hear the opinions of the fans of whose corner Perfect would be in. Dang some of these people are hard to understand. Learn English people. One of the kids says Bulldog is going to win, whether he wants to or not. Uh, I’m not the smartest wrestling fan in the world, but wouldn’t you want to win every match you’re in?

We hear some horns playing and more random shots of London before going to the stadium. The only thing I can say: DANG! This place looks awesome as the whole place is full and it’s second only to WM 3 as far as I can remember. Heenan is wearing a crown of course. Vince says this is the Summerslam you thought you’d never see.

I know 91 sucked but were they not planning on having another one after it? Were there issues in the company that I just didn’t recall? That’s Vince for you though as he rarely made sense. I have three dark matches on my tape, so let’s get to them.

Jim Duggan/Bushwackers vs. Mountie/Nasty Boys

Matches like these, which are usually not shown on official releases, are always cool to see because they’re unique. Not to mention it’s bonus wrestling so how can it be a bad thing? Mountie’s music is just nothing short of great. He sings it on the way to the ring, adding in commentary to it as he goes. That’s either brilliant or stupid. Heenan makes a Michael Jackson reference.

This is being written for the second time on the 4th of July, ten days after his death, and it still is hard to comprehend that the King of Pop is dead. Heenan goes on to say that New Zealand is a suburb of London as Shadow is face palming. For some reason Duggan, one of the biggest patriots in wrestling history, is cheered. Only a British crowd would chant USA in London for a team mainly made of people from New Zealand.

Both teams try to get cheers from the crowd in a bit of a contest to start. After two of these we get going. I always loved the Bushwackers, mainly because one of them, I believe Luke, licked me at a house show when I was 3-4 years old. Bobby is on fire here with the jokes. This is following a very simple formula: little wrestling, little brawling, lather rinse and repeat. The heels take over or it wouldn’t be a traditional tag match.

As this happens, the fans chant Butch. There’s a bunch of jokes there but I’d get banned for them. The Wackers use their battering ram on a pile of the guys in the corner, bringing forth the really bad Earl of Sandwich jokes from Vince. The bias from Vince is just flat out sad as he cheers when faces cheat and claims it’s horrid when heels do it. I get that he’s a face commentator but this is boarder line Gorilla Monsoon territory.

In a bit of a weird spot, Knobbs and Mountie lock hands for a double clothesline but instead use a boot to the stomach. Just looked odd to me. The announcers argue over the rules again and Heenan asks what’s in Vince’s book? That’s a very interesting idea actually. Can you imagine what a real Vince McMahon autobiography, as in not a WWE-PG one would be like? Some of the stories in there would be insane.

Duggan comes in and amazingly enough we get a big brawl. I think they botch the spot at the end again here as Duggan is set for the three point clothesline but Mountie doesn’t get up. Duggan goes to pick him up but Mountie gets up on his own and Duggan gets back in position, so maybe he was just late. Sags misses a top rope elbow onto Mountie to end it as Duggan gets the pin.

Rating: B. This was perfect for an opening dark match. It wasn’t serious in the slightest and was there to do nothing but get the crowd into the show. That’s just fine and it worked perfectly. Nothing great, but to open the action for a major PPV, this was just fine.

Papa Shango vs. Tito Santana

Now with Shango you have someone that absolutely scared the living tar out of me. He was the voodoo guy and he actually beat up the Warrior. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Their blowoff match was in Rupp Arena so I was likely there for it. Shango was coming off a huge program with Warrior and they weren’t sure what to do with him at the moment as is evidenced here with him in a dark match.

Santana was in his El Matador gimmick at the time which was the height of stupidity. These two might add up to being the dumbest collection of gimmicks in one place at one time until being eclipsed by the gimmick battle royal. Santana was a guy a lot like Finlay or Regal today in that he could have a very solid match with just about anyone. Since he can do that, why would you ever get rid of him?

That’s what Vince realized so even once Tito was no longer a major player, you could still put him into a program and get a solid performance that you could depend on out of him. That’s a great asset to have and will almost always guarantee you at least employment. Santana gets NO reaction at all. They go back and forth for a bit, but Shango more or less no sells the big forearm, meaning that the move that nearly knocked Savage out isn’t good enough to get a two on a guy like Shango.

The ideas around finishing moves apparently depend on your place on the card which has always seemed bogus to me. He’s rocking the pink boots here, offering further proof that only Bret Hart can pull that off.

Now he hits another forearm and it’s a move of death, so thanks for the continuity there guys. I watch this match and the idea of how absurd Shango’s character is begins to dawn on me. A voodoo medicine man is supposed to have tights, wrist tape, weigh in and have boots? Anyway, he hits what has to be the worst finishing move possible: the shoulder breaker, to pin Santana.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was bad. It just never felt like it got going at all. Shango just didn’t know how to make a match work and with the shoulder breaker, he looked absurd out there. A character like his could have worked very well, but he just didn’t get the way the thought process should have been going at all.

Tatanka vs. Berserker

If you recall what I said about two gimmicks never being more absurd, forget it. These two are miles beyond what the last match had to offer. Tatanka is the Native American and Berserker is a Viking that wants to stab people. I say this with all sincerity: I wonder how many people there had no clue what Tatanka was. Apparently quite a few as he gets a big pop.

I think this match was actually filmed after the show as it’s completely dark except for the lights now, as opposed to the previous matches where sunlight could have lit the arena. For no good reason at all, Tatanka beats him up for the opening of this match. In the only interesting thing you’ll hear from Vince all night, Tatanka means Raging Buffalo. The structure to the ring is kind of weird as there’s the aisle and then some steps to get to what we would call the outside.

I kind of like that, but it’s similar to the setup that caused the end of Rick Rude’s career. They fight on the floor and the racial stereotype takes Berserker down the mini stairs to slam him and then comes back up them. After that waste of time it’s more stereotyping as the Papoose To Go ends it. I wonder if I can get a Papoose for eating in?

Rating: C. It was better than the previous match but that’s really not saying a lot. There was just a weird flow to this match and while it wasn’t horrid, it certainly wasn’t something you wanted to see more of.

Now it’s time for the real show as we get a very standard yet good early 90s opening. In something I like we just go straight to the first match.

Money Inc. vs. LOD

This was in the middle of the interesting three way feud over the tag titles between these four and the champions, the Natural Disasters. Of course, that would all be thrown out the window so Hulk and Beefcake could fight the mega heels at Mania. Part of the reason that match wasn’t the LOD somehow was because of what you’re about to see here: Rocko the Dummy. Yes you read that right.

For some reason that only Vince would know, the LOD were given back their old manager Paul Ellering (which was fine, although it would have been nice for them to tell us who in the world he was as he was their manager in the NWA). The problem came with Ellering’s friend Rocko. Rocko was a ventriloquist dummy. There was nothing more to it than that. He was a wooden dummy that the manager would bring with him and he would talk in the promos.

At least with Head and Al Snow it was a joke. This was with a serious tag team. Hawk got sick of it and quit very soon, maybe even at this show but I’m not sure. Anyway, the intro for the LOD is sweet as all three come in on Harleys. That’s actually really awesome looking, aside from the dummy being on the fornt of the first bike.

As if that’s not enough, Paul carries the stupid thing around at the ring. No wonder Hawk quit over this garbage. Vince says that the LOD are known for being strong and for their great psychology. Excuse me for one second.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

LOD having PSYCHOLOGY??? WOW, and I thought the people that want Kane to remask were imbeciles. They hit people hard. That’s their psychology I supposed. Yeah, that’s just a freaking joke all around. After I laugh very hard at that, I come to a screeching halt as I see something that’s just an ungodly abomination upon mankind.

Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man, to me the greatest heel of all time, is wearing WHITE TIGHTS!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS??? DIBIASE, A HEEL, DOES NOT WEAR FREAKING WHITE!!! EVER SINCE HE DEBUTED IT’S BEEN BLACK WITH DOLLAR SIGNS, BUT NOW HE’S WEARING WHITE??? THAT JUST DOES NOT WORK!!! After about three minutes of frustration, I think I’m ok now.

After Hawk beats him up for a minute (dang right he should get beaten up) both tag, as Vince says Animal will now start the match for his team. Riiiiiight. The LOD get beaten up with sleepers and a slam on the floor by white tights Magee over there. Not only that but his kneepads are long so it looks like he’s wearing stripper boots. Hart is yelling at Paul about the puppet on the floor which shows that Hart is always thinking out there.

He’s a bit annoying but the guy has always been around and always works himself to the bone. The heels dominate much of this which makes perfect sense here as they’re the thinking wrestlers and all they had to do was wait for LOD to make a mistake. Wow both the heels are over 260? That’s a big surprising.

Eventually Animal gets tagged in and the LOD starts kicking heads all over the ring. The ending comes out of almost nowhere as they get DiBiase up but IRS dropkicks Animal so he drops him. DiBiase gets powerslammed and pinned to end it. Just a very abrupt ending.

Rating: C+. Certainly not a bad match, but it just didn’t have any flow and while it was a 12 minute match, it felt like about 5. DiBiase’s tights are something I just can’t let go as it’s the dumbest thing I’ve seen in a long time. This just felt really fast and the ending looked odd to me. Not bad, but just didn’t work that well in my eyes.

In the back, Flair, in his wrestling attire despite not wrestling that night, which is a thread in and amongst itself, is with Gene. I really like this promo by Flair as Gene is demanding to know where Mr. Perfect is. He asks if Perfect is with Savage. Flair opens his mouth and then chuckles. He asks if Perfect is with Warrior.

Flair opens his mouth and then chuckles. Gene demands to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect. Flair says “why, he’s in the dressing room of course!” Whose dressing room? “Why, the dressing room of the winner of course. WHOO!” This comes off really well as Flair is just epic on the stick here.

We go over to Sean Mooney and Virgil, who is fighting Nailz tonight. More on Nailz later. Virgil is REALLY bad at promos. He shouts on weird words, he moves around too much, and I think he had 5 catchphrases inside of a 40 second promo. I feel sorry for the heat he gets though. I’ve heard stories of him being at wrestling conventions and autograph shows where he’ll sit at his table for 5 hours and maybe get 4 people that talk to him.

No he wasn’t ever a big star but he’s bigger than that. He’s wrestled at Wrestlemania and Starrcade, so it’s not like he’s never done anything of note. I’d certainly talk to him for awhile. Apparently he’s trying to get revenge for his best friend (WTF??) the Big Boss Man.

Nailz vs. Virgil

Nailz is a character that it’s very possible a lot of you don’t remember and that’s very understandable as he was on the roster less than a year. He had a great bit of psychology to him because he was supposed to be a convict that Boss Man had beaten up in prison for a crime that he didn’t commit. Therefore, Nailz had no training and only used punches, chokes and kicks etc. That makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

After a match Boss Man had with a jobber, Nailz ran out and beat up Boss Man, putting him out for about 5 months. This match is for Virgil to try to get some revenge for his buddy, and you can guess how this is going to go. Before we get to this match though, let’s go over how Nailz left the company because it’s a story unlike any you’ve ever heard. Nailz tried to kill Vince McMahon. I mean that literally, as in he was choking Vince and Vince was turning blue.

Nailz wanted money but Vince wouldn’t give it to him. Obviously, he was fired immediately thereafter. Nailz was also a guy at the steroids trial that was one of the big witnesses, but his testimony was so far over the top that it actually helped Vince out. Nailz was scheduled for a big feud with Taker as they were on the cover of the WWF magazine, had a staredown on Superstars and had some house show matches.

It’s saying a lot that he was being given Taker to work with and then all that other stuff happened. He was in WCW for all of a week, jobbing to Sting before he was out of the mainstream. Kind of sad as I always liked him.

As for the match, what are you expecting here? It’s a guy that needs wins to prove himself against a glorified jobber. Nailz dominates early but Virgil takes over, leading to the chokeout win. I know that’s really short but that’s the commentary for the whole match. It’s like 3 minutes long and there’s just nothing at all of note in it. Afterwards Nailz beats up Virgil with the stick.

Rating: C. This was really hard to grade so we’ll call it average I guess. It was a squash and it got the point it was trying to make. Virgil fights but loses while Nailz looks dominant, leading up to the return of the Boss Man and their blowoff match at the Survivor Series.

Alfred Hayes can’t get into Savage’s dressing room.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rick Martel

There’s a very interesting pair of twists here. First of all, both guys are heels. Second, there’s an agreement not to hit each other in the face. That’s not something you hear very often. This is still the boy toy era for Shawn as he wasn’t a huge deal yet but was getting there. Sherri’s outfit is backless so she’s more or less in a thong which Vince notices IMMEDIATELY.

Martel cartwheels out of the way of a backdrop and does some jumping jacks. Shawn takes over for the most part early on and Martel is in trouble. And never mind as it’s more or less even. Shawn pulls back to throw a punch but stops. Martel is the de facto face here which is interesting as he was a pretty solid heel.

Shawn is down on the floor as Martel asks Sherri to come with him. They hug and Shawn doesn’t really see it. The cameraman keeps getting shots of Sherri’s back which isn’t that bad I guess. Both guys use the tights as it’s kind of interesting to see all of the heel vs. heel tactic. Also do you think that’s enough back shots in one match?

Sweet chin music hits the chest which makes sense here. Shawn hits a knee to the face and goes for the ropes with his feet but can’t reach them so the referee stops the count before he got there. In other words he’s not counting because they’re following the rules. Ok then. They start slapping each other and Sherri starts to freak.

They square off with fists up as Sherri “faints”. DAng she falls really well. Vince of course thinks she’s had a heart attack. Shawn DRILLS Martel when he tries to give her mouth to mouth. They slug it out in the aisle and it’s a double countout. Sherri gets up to see what’s going on and then pretends she’s out again.

Shawn comes back to carry her off as Vince and Heenan make jokes. Martel runs down and drills him, sending Sherri crashing to the floor. He picks her up and Shawn drills Martel, sending Sherri flying sprawling to the floor again. This is kind of funny as it’s coming off almost like a Weekend At Bernie’s thing which is meant as a good thing. Martel comes out and throws water on Sherri for no apparent reason.

Rating: B. I really liked this actually. It’s definitely a different kind of idea and it worked very well I thought. It’s not often you get a good heel vs. heel match but you certainly did here. This worked very well and the post match stuff was funny yet good at the same time. I liked this far more than I expected to and it worked well.

The Nasties say they’ll get their tag title shot, but for no reason at all they talk about the world title match. You see the beginnings of Jimmy’s jumping to Money Inc and the to his face turn.

Tag Titles: Beverly Brothers vs. Natural Disasters

I’m sure most of you know who the Natural Disasters are, but how many of you know who the Beverly Brothers are? I’m guessing not many of you, because I can fairly safely say that this is the highlight of the WWF run. I think their gimmick was being spoiled rich kids but that was never really explained. They were really just tag team jobbers and little more.

They were a huge deal in the AWA where they were the only tag team to win rookies of the year. They were gone in less than two years and no one noticed they were gone. Anyway, this is a standard tag with the Naturals dominating early but then the heels taking over as Heenan makes fat jokes. BREAKING NEWS: SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT WEMBLEY! Since Typhoon sucks more than Quake, he’s the face in peril.

A shot to the back with the metal scroll of the Genius has no effect which makes me wonder what the point of that was. Quake beats up the Beverly Brother so Typhoon is on his own and can make the tag. Naturally, the talented Disaster known as Earthquake kicks some Beverly teeth in. A brief double team leads to the Earthquake to end this.

Rating: D+. The low rating is for one reason: there is a total and complete lack of drama in this. No one believed the Beverlys had a chance and they didn’t at all. It was a title match for a title match’s sake, which never turns out to be anything good. This was a waste of time, but I guess the match itself was fine.

Gene interviews the Bushwackers who want to talk about Perfect being in someone’s corner. Gene makes some dumb British jokes which aren’t funny.

Alfred Hayes can’t get in Warrior’s dressing room either.

Repo Man vs. Crush

Crush is once again a guy that could have been a big star but he never got a push that he needed. It’s a Demolition reunion here as Smash meets Crush. This is pure filler and nothing but a way to kill some time before the world title match. Repo’s offense is about 9 punches, a thumb to the eye, and a belly to back suplex. That’s it. Other than that, we get Crush using the head vice and dominating the whole thing. Boring and quick match which was just a filler, so how much can I complain?

Rating: C+. This was pure filler so what do you really expect from it? Crush looked dominant so he’ll be getting a bit better push. Oh wait he’s about to start feuding with Doink. Nevermind.

We hit the recap button on Warrior and Savage’s feud which is WAY too long. There’s two holes I see in this storyline. For one, Perfect tells both guys he’ll be in their corner. Ok, that’s fine, but couldn’t either guy put two and two together and get they’re being played? I guess that one’s forgivable though as either guy could have planned to lie to the other one.

However, the one thing I can’t get: if Perfect’s such a great manager, WHY IS THE GUY HE’S MANAGING NOT CHAMPION ALREADY? Since when did Perfect become this hot commodity all of a sudden? Savage’s line of “I’m the WWF Champion and you’re not!” is just great stuff.

WWF Title: Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior

Oh apparently it’s the Ullllllllllllllllllltimate Warrior according to Vince. Of course Perfect doesn’t come out with either guy at first to build even more suspense which is actually a good move. It’s twilight in London so the scene of the whole stadium is really cool looking. Huge staredown to start which shows off the point that Warrior is now wearing a flesh colored singlet. This was huge for the theory that Warrior was on steroids which he pretty much was a guaranteed user of.

The start of this is a style that I like as nearly the first ten minutes is almost completely back and forth work. Neither guy can get anything substantial going and they just hammer away on the other one, looking for an advantage. Savage is getting booed here so I guess he’s supposed to be the heel? Anyway, eventually he takes a slight advantage as he knocks Warrior to the floor.

They come back in and I guess Warrior botches a spot as Savage is trying to pull him into the turnbuckle but Warrior falls short. You can tell it was a botch as they do the exact same thing about two seconds later. In a weird spot that I kind of like, Savage hits the double axe but Warrior does his hulk up thing. The second takes him down, but he catches the third in a powerslam. Just kind of a weird looking sequence.

Anyway, Warrior takes control as we get a nice little story going of neither guy being able to get a definitive advantage going for them. Warrior hurts Savage’s back and Savage hurts Warrior’s neck. They slow it down now with Warrior having a slight advantage. This is a slower paced match which is fine, as it’s going longer so the slow page helps it a lot I think. After a minute or two of this, Perfect and Flair come down.

This is where I really wish they hadn’t been involved, as Warrior and Savage were putting on a great match so far that had me very interested in it. Warrior does something weird (stunning right?) as he slams Savage, goes to the apron, and turns right back around and comes into the ring. What the heck ? He misses a splash which he sells like he got shot in the ribs. Vince freaks because Perfect hasn’t gone to either corner.

Since when are there designated corners for a singles match? Perfect pulls the leg of Savage as Warrior is instantly the heel. I know my jokes have been lacking here, but this has been a great match and it’s hard to make fun of something that you really like. I think Warrior has set a record for most body slams in one match. After another one he goes to the top which I guess was the spot he wanted to do earlier. Maybe he stopped because Perfect and Flair were coming.

That would make sense I guess. Oh the ref is down too. He gets up and Warrior argues with him, leading to a much bigger ref bump. Piledriver from Savage which looks awesome. This time Perfect holds Warrior as Flair hits him with, well I guess since we’re in England it’s a natural born object. Savage however doesn’t see it. After slam #38 the elbow hits but due to no referee, we get a two despite Savage pulling the tights which is acknowledged.

Hulk up by Warrior as he starts the sequence that ended Mania 7’s match. Perfect tries to grab his foot during the set up for the splash but Flair gets him with a chair to the back on the other side as everyone is sure Savage is the guy that bought Perfect’s services. Apparently the crack of a chair, Flair moving away suddenly, and the Warrior suddenly falling down on his face aren’t enough proof that he did anything for the referee.

There’s another very nice little touch to this as Savage hasn’t seen anything that Flair or Perfect have done. Earlier the piledriver could have put Warrior down for as long as Savage was helping the referee, but this time he knows he didn’t touch Warrior, so someone else must have. That’s a nice little touch to add to it. Savage is ticked off that someone is helping him, so no one knows what’s going on.

He sets for the elbow but can’t take the win that way, instead jumping at Flair, WHO HAS A CHAIR! The obvious happens and Savage jumps into the chair, knocking himself nearly out as I can barely believe how stupid that was. This leads to the fastest count out of all time in an ending that I’m really not wild about at all. Apparently the chair hit Savage in the knee as Flair and Perfect destroy Savage soon thereafter but Warrior makes the save.

This would lead to the injured knee of Savage that would eventually cost Savage the title to Flair on a match that is very hard to find. The announcers conclude that no one sold out, which is about as obvious as the statement that Vince is an imbecile at times. He goes on to say that both men are champions. Not really Vince, not really. Savage would lose the belt two days later, before one Hitman would win it about a month and a half afterwards.

Warrior hands him the belt and helps him to the back with the music playing as we go to Perfect and Flair in the back. Since this is integral to the match, I’ll lump them together. They say that the deal was made, but it was between Perfect and Flair. They mention Plan B but won’t say what it is. Spoiler: it’s getting the title back to Flair. Gene thinks this is earth shattering news when it’s really not.

Rating: A. The only thing keeping it from being an A+ is the lack of a definitive ending, which I guess was required to have Savage drop the belt two days later. Anyway, this was an excellent match as both guys beat the tar out of each other and neither really gave an inch.

It may not have been as epic as their Mania match, but it’s good on its own. Perfect and Flair added something to it and I’m very glad neither guy turned as it would have hurt the match in my mind. Great match, but somehow this isn’t the best match on the card.

Official Attendance: less than Mania 3 so who cares?

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Harvey Whippleman does Kamala’s intro, saying he’s from the dark continent of Africa. I was under the impression that there’s lots of sunlight in Africa, so is that a very sly racial joke? I was under the impression that Africans’ skin darkened as a natural defense to the amount of sunlight on that continent. Racial stereotypes rule I guess?

Anyway, this is really just a mini-feud for Taker before the Giant Gonzalez shows up, much like, oh I don’t know: THE SAME FREAKING THING THEY DID WITH DAIVARI, MARK HENRY, MUHAMMAD HASSAN AND KHALI??? Could that be it? Could it be that they just took the EXACT same story and redid it, hoping that no one was watching 13 years ago? Yep, that’s exactly what they did.

I swear these jokes write themselves when you’re making fun of WWE’s writing. Kamala used to scare the heck out of me when I was like 2 years old. The dude was just freaking creepy. He wants to cook Taker apparently. Taker comes to the ring in the back of a hearse that I think has a sunroof. Oh never mind he’s standing on the bumper. There’s a coffin in the hearse, which is foreshadowing the coffin match at Survivor Series in a month or two.

This is a very quick match and is only to fill in time between the two main events and let the crowd catch its breath for a bit. Taker absolutely destroys him and as he’s going for the tombstone, Kim Chee runs in and hits Taker with his helmet for the DQ. Kamala hits three splashes, including one from the top rope and Taker just sits up. Kamala runs, and we set up for the main event.

Rating: C. I think I’m going to start giving C’s to matches that are too short to grade. The problem is there’s just not enough time in a 3 minute match to tell whether its good or not. It did its job I guess which is to set up the big match next PPV and fill in time here, so I can’t complain I guess.

Mooney is with Davey Boy Smith, talking about the family pressures which was a nice touch that I think the match needed. He says that once they get into the ring, Bret isn’t his brother, but a stranger. Mooney says what will the pressure of wrestling in front of 80,000 people be like. “That’s not pressure. That’s a dream.” That line is either epic or clichéd. Not sure but I’m leaning towards the former.

Bret says that Smith wouldn’t be anything without Bret as Bret introduced Davey to his wife and got him started in the WWF. He says Smith is ungrateful and I am completely hyped for this match.

Some bagpipe players play Roddy Piper’s theme music, which is ALWAYS cool. Oh they’re the Balboa Highlanders. Piper is with them, and the marking out continues as he gets a huge pop. This is actually really cool looking as Piper gets a solo and isn’t half bad. Granted I know nothing about the bagpipes. They play Scotland the Brave, which is an awesome song so this is sweet.

Mooney is with Diana Smith, who says nothing that you wouldn’t expect her to say. Mooney rudely cuts her off and asks who she thinks will win. He cuts her off AGAIN as you can tell she really doesn’t want to do this, or she’s a great actress. Could be a combination of both as this actually isn’t that bad of an interview. She sounds really upset about this, which she should be. Mooney cuts her off a THIRD TIME to send us to ringside. Dang, Mooney was a jerk in this.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith

Smith comes out first to the hero’s pop. Lennox Lewis carries the flag for him as a relative unknown at the time which is always cool. The pop for Smith is huge, while Bret gets the textbook definition of a mixed reaction. He’s not exactly a heel, but he’s certainly not the guy the crowd wants to win. As for the match, I’ll be brief about it. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, but if you haven’t, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

This is an absolute classic and is in the running for greatest match of all time. While it seems that there’s no doubt who would win looking back, at the time, this was a huge upset. Smith had never really done anything of note but was getting the singles push for over a year leading up to this night. Everyone knew Hart was a god in the ring and this was the blowoff match to launch him into the main event scene where he would be for the rest of his career in the WWF.

I’m going to skip the play by play here as I can’t do it justice and go straight to the end of the match. It runs over twenty five minutes as opposed to the already forgotten near 30 minute masterpiece we saw earlier for the world title. Both guys are absolutely spent as this has been back and forth the whole time with Smith wrestling a different style than he usually did and throwing off Bret.

Bret is his traditional perfectly timed self with a balanced assault all around, mainly working on the back though to set up for the Sharpshooter. The crowd is hot the whole match as they pop over every single move. This is a match where it’s two guys doing any move they can think of instead of using the same standard stuff that they always use. Clothesline puts both guys down and Bret tries to do the same thing he did last year to Perfect to get the title in the first place.

Smith does something that’s allegedly never been done and gets to the ropes. Someone else might have done it before but I’m not sure. The announcers royally screw this up by making it sound like Bret had him in a headlock. Hart hits the ropes and goes for a sunset flip and Smith goes for the famous counter of dropping to his knees to get the pin and the title as the place erupts.

The music not playing lets things sink in a bit better as Bret can’t believe it. They announce Smith as the new champion to another epic pop. Bret gets up and eventually holds up Smith’s hand as Diana comes in and they all pose to end the show.

Rating: A+. This is one of the greatest matches of all time and is required viewing for anyone that calls themselves a wrestling fan. That’s all that needs to be said.

Hart would go on to win the WWF Title in October in a complete shock in Canada while Smith would really be a transitional champion, losing to Shawn in about two months to launch Shawn’s singles career. This match and title change was really just for the English fans, but man, what a treat for them and the moment is certainly worth it.

Overall Rating: A+. This is a fantastic show and unless there’s something I’m completely missing, the best Summerslam ever. The only one that pops into my mind to even approach it would be 2002, but that’s way too far in the future to worry about. There’s two absolute classics along with some other very good stuff.

The fans went home happy, there was a huge crowd, and not really a single bad match as everything is at least watchable. The worst match is by far the tag title match, but even it’s not that bad. Excellent show and it gets my highest recommendation.

Summerslam 1991
Date: August 26, 1991
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Obviously it’s a year later and there’s few differences. The main one is that Hogan is once again the world champion (stunning isn’t it?) and the Deadman has arrived. Other than that, there are very few differences. Hart is a singles wrestler now, so that’s the last major difference that I was forgetting. This card is really forgotten over time if you look at it from an historical standpoint.

The main event is Hogan and Warrior against Slaughter and his two cronies in a handicap match, meaning that Sheik Adnan al-Kaissie and the Iron Sheik are supposed to be equal to Hogan or Warrior? Remember Adnan? Neither do I. He was a manager in the AWA and that’s about it. The other big deal is tonight is the marriage of Savage and Elizabeth, because marriage, the most holy of unions, has to be on PPV right???

Other than that, this card is really forgettable. The main interesting point in this is what the Warrior did. He allegedly threatened to no show the PPV unless Vince paid him some obscene amount. He pulled this a few days before the PPV, and Vince really had no choice but to do what Warrior said.

This is where the “I couldn’t wait to fire him” line came from. Warrior got to the back after the match and was fired immediately. Other than that, there’s next to nothing of interest here, but I’ve seen worse cards be watchable, so maybe this one will be as well. Let’s find out.

Very standard opening with the song playing and the announcers talking about the big stuff that evening. Standard, but fine I guess.

Ricky Steamboat/Texas Tornado/British Bulldog vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Steamboat is just called the Dragon here, and this is the famous scene where he’s dressed as a human lizard that breathes fire into the air. That’s a shame that he’s fallen this far this fast. He’d be back in WCW in just a few months where he was at least given some decent feuds and no stupid costume. Commentators completely ignore the match to talk about the matches later on in the show. Wait, they mentioned the six man.

You know I think these six…no it was just a quick thing about it. I feel like I’m watching a Nitro taping. Tornado comes in and all of a sudden they can’t stop talking about the match. I think that’s a bit of a shot at Steamboat by Vince. Literally, he was in there two and a half minutes and got one line about him. He leaves and the commentary is all about the match. We’re about 5 minutes into this and I’m still looking for a point to it.

I think it’s supposed to be Warlord vs. Bulldog, but I’m not sure really. It’s just a random group of faces vs. three heels with the same manager. I’m so utterly bored by this match that I can’t actually think of the words to explain it. It is just so standard and basic that I could see it at an FCW show. The wrestling is fine, but there’s no thought here at all. Faces win.

Rating: D. This was just so boring. Like I said, the wrestling was fine, but dang it was just there. There’s no thought, no story, no reason for this to take place. It’s an ok opener, but I would have wanted to see anything else.

Hey kids! Call this number if you want to hear a prerecorded comment from Savage or Liz about their fake wedding! Your parents won’t mind!

Mr. Perfect says he’s a great champion.

IC Title: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Dang this was on second? This is by far and away the best match on the card and a lot of people, including Norcal, says that it’s one of the best matches ever. These two had such a magnificent chemistry together and it’s hardly ever been topped. I defy you to find a better pair of guys to have such consistent matches with. Stu and Helen are there…again. Has there ever been a match with Bret that they haven’t been at?

You don’t see them at Owen’s matches. No wonder Owen was the bitter one. Coach is there with Perfect, and sadly enough his death got NO coverage due to Misawa dying a day later. They start with a great set of back and forth stuff with no one being able to get an advantage. It’s one of those types of openings where you have a guy in control but he’s not dominating at all. Hart does that here by just having on a basic headlock.

Heenan continues to show why he’s as important as anyone on the roster as his lines about Bret’s parents make you want to cheer for Bret more than anyone else could. Perfect gets his singlet literally ripped apart by Hart which makes him look almost crazed about the match. He looks like he’s in a war despite this having been going about 7 minutes at this point. This is a great dynamic for a match as you have the young lion Bret facing the established veteran in Perfect, who has the exact same style.

Crowd is way into this one too, which is making it better. Perfect’s hair looks like he got a bad shock as his perm has practically exploded. He takes over though as Heenan is singing his praises. We get a hair toss, which isn’t something that you see that often in a men’s match. That would hurt too. Imagine being tossed by your hair. If that’s going to happen to me I better be getting paid for it. There’s a good story playing out here as Perfect counters everything that Hart has.

Hart kicks out of the Perfect Plex as the fans and Heenan lose their freaking minds. Heenan says that no one has ever done that, which is nonsense as Warrior did it in 1990. Hart brings up the original 5 moves of doom to put Perfect in “a whole heap of trouble.” Coach breaks this up though so Perfect has control again. He drops a let between Bret’s legs and backflips out of it which is cool looking.

He does it again, and in one of the SWEETEST counters I’ve ever seen, Bret grabs his leg, puts the Sharpshooter on him on the mat from his back, spins him over and then pulls back on it for the tap out. That was sweet. Bret runs over to his family to celebrate. We get to hear Stu’s voice, which I never recall hearing other than this.

Rating: A+. These guys were spot on the whole time. It was a nearly 20 minute match and I didn’t see a single botch or anything resembling a botch at all. That counter at the end was absolute perfection and it played so well into the rest of the match. These two had so much chemistry they might as well be a magnet high school. Great match all around.

Hulk Hogan has a special PPV coming up, which is nothing but his “biggest” matches. Forerunner to 24/7 I guess.

We cut to the back to see the Bushwackers and Andre the Giant, which has to the weirdest pairing of all time. Andre was completely gone at this point with big crutches holding him up. This is explained by Earthquake being the guy that injured him. This was his last major WWF appearance save for popping up at a battle royal in London a few months later, which wasn’t televised until on 24/7 and some special releases.

Bushwackers vs. Natural Disasters

It’s so sad to see the Bushwackers have to walk so slow to let Andre keep up with them. He just didn’t need to be out there at this point but you can see it in his eyes that he’s having a ball out there. His love for the business was so obvious and it’s a shame he wasn’t around for the big boom in the 90s, at least to see it if nothing else. Now in case you’re a freaking moron and can’t figure it out, this is a comedy match.

GREAT line by Piper. Heenan says if he were the manager of the Bushwackers he’s kill himself. Piper says go apply for the job. Piper was a freaking riot when he didn’t like someone. To further make this stupid, the Bushwackers beat them up to start. Can someone explain to me why this makes sense? Piper says that two guys from New Zealand are Americana personified. He can be a riot but he can also be a moron.

Heenan with a Larry, Darryl and Darryl joke to take the lead in the best commentator of the night race. Andre continues to point and grunt about various things. Heenan leaves to interview Hogan as the ND finally take control and the match gets boring. Did the Wackers EVER do anything of note? I can’t remember anything.

Anyway, as expected, this ends with a Bushwacker, the one that licked me at a house show, getting pinned. Afterwards the Disasters go after Andre but the LOD run out for the save and the showdown that I’m not sure ever occurred.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match. What do you really expect here? It was however, pretty short so it could have been far, far worse.

Heenan goes to Hogan’s dressing room with the NWA title to continue what should have been the biggest showdown of all time, but they somehow screwed it up. Heenan’s unveiling of the NWA Big Gold Belt in 91 still ranks in my top five most awesome moments in wrestling history. Hogan (never seen or heard) slams the door in his face.

More Savage/Liz phone line ads. Macho is shown on the phone line. This is just stupid.

DiBiase and Mooney recap the Virgil/DiBiase history. As bad as Virgil was, this match was actually kind of epic as the pop for Virgil finally turning was pretty big. This is the rematch from Mania 7 where Virgil won by countout.

Million Dollar Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

The wrestling here isn’t the appeal. Virgil has had very few matches at this point while DiBiase is one of the best in ring workers of all time. Surprisingly enough, DiBiase dominates early on. It’s pretty basic with punches and kicks with a roll-up here or there. There’s just not a lot to say about the first half of this match. Both guys are going pretty light out there which is fine I think, as it’s really more about the storyline than the match itself.

Piper was Virgil’s mentor so he’s cheering wildly for him. Heenan gets in a great line about Virgil being so dumb he’ll try to bronze the gold belt. After about 5 minutes of Virgil getting beaten up, he catches DiBiase in a Million Dollar Dream until Sherri runs in to cause the DQ as Piper absolutely snaps.

HOWEVER!

The referee decides that’s not fair and sends Sherri to the back while ordering the match to continue. Now we get a better match as they’re going a bit harder but Virgil is hurt after being hit by the loaded purse. DiBiase proceeds to kick his body guarding teeth from one side of the ring to the other, but the ref was bumped so we have no one to count the pin.

A piledriver (which is what love feels just like sometimes) puts him nearly out as DiBiase takes off the turnbuckle. Virgil counters and rams him in twice. I don’t like the ending though as it takes Virgil about 20 seconds to get the cover and the win. Piper goes insane over this.

Rating: B. As I said, this was all storyline and it was a very fun one. Virgil rising up to face DiBiase and say that he’d had enough, leading to the big blowoff of him winning the title that literally was DiBiase’s was just perfect. The wrestling was pretty bad, but the emotion makes up for it.

The Mountie says he’ll win tonight.

Big Bossman says he’ll win tonight.

Jailhouse Match: Big Bossman vs. Mountie

The loser spends a night in a New York jail, which is kind of an interesting idea. This was around the time that Mountie was using this stupid shock stick to attack people. Monsoon says this will be a classic. That’s just comical. Piper would finally beat Mountie as he had a vest or something that absorbed the electricity, which is actually brilliant. There’s all kinds of bad prison jokes by Heenan here as this is supposed to be a huge match.

Apparently the loser also gets arrested and will have a criminal record. Dude, seriously, this is absurd. I still can’t get over the fact that Mountie beat Bret Hart and Hogan. You’d think he was Edge or something. This is a pretty boring match as once again it’s all about storyline as the match really just doesn’t live up to the hype.

Gorilla says that Hart is the best advertisement for birth control he’s ever seen. It just kind of happens slowly and no one cares about this match. Bossman wins and they take Mountie to jail, in one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.

Rating: D. I can’t believe I liked this as a kid. The styles just didn’t mesh. Mountie was better when he wrestled as a light weight, not this. Boss Man was outliving his usefulness at this point, but that can be attributed to them never really giving him a serious push. This whole gimmick as just dumb and the match was even worse.

DiBiase is mad that he lost the title, which was stolen from him.

Hart is happy about winning the title.

Jimmy Hart is with the Natural Disasters and is FREAKING OUT over Mountie. This is a pretty funny bit from him. The Disasters want the LOD. That’s not a good idea.

Boss Man makes fun of the Mounite as we must be on an intermission.

Gene is talking to Savage who is nervous, so let’s plug his phone call thing.

Holy

Freaking
Goodness

They actually put the intermission clock on the screen! It’s 5 minutes of dead silence, with the Savage phone number on the screen. You can hear the crowd cheering something. Boy it would be fun to actually SEE what they’re cheering for wouldn’t it? This is freaking stupid. I’m sitting here for 5 minutes waiting on a clock to count down. Why in the world was this left on the home video? I don’t want to look at a countdown.

Right now I’d rather read a book or something like that. We would have had to pay for this back in the day. After turning off my Best of Starrcade DVD which is more interesting to look at the box of than this countdown, we come back…to the Summerslam logo! My goodness people wonder why no one bought wrestling PPVs back in the day. At least give us some promos or something. Is it really that hard to do?

We go straight to the jail, where Mountie is arriving. My goodness, WHY WASN’T THIS USED DURING THE BREAK? If you want to have a live intermission that’s cool but don’t waste the money of the people paying by making them watch a clock. That’s just wrong. Yeah this isn’t funny.

The Nasty Boys are in the back and Jimmy is still losing it. This is going to be a street fight for the belts against the LOD. The champions leave but first, we go back the jail where Mountie is panicking over everything, this time being photographed which is apparently like taking his soul.

Gene is with the LOD who say this is right up their alley. This promo is more about the Natural Disasters than the title match they have next. But before that silly thing like a tag title match, we go back for more “comedy” as Mountie is offended by getting his fingerprints taken.

MORE promos as I’m just freaking sick of these now. Slaughter and company say they’ll win. This is just ridiculous as we’ve gone 20 minutes since the end of the last match.

Dang it I give up. Sid has to do a promo now since he’s the referee for the main event. Did we really need the 5 minute clock with all these promos? Was this intermission half an hour? We see a video of Sid being offered a spot with Slaughter’s team.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

What the heck, you mean you don’t want to interview the caterers? Like I said this is a street fight for the belts. It’s kind of funny hearing Gorilla have to play babysitter between the two commentators. LOD is WAY over. Piper says that stands for look out dummy. Actually I believe it stands for Legion of Doom there Roddy. Big brawl of course to start us off.

We talk about Sid a lot as the referee tries to get people to tag in and out. I will never get the point of that in a street fight. And after the first few minutes it becomes a regular tag match. Well sure why not. Hawk plays Ricky Morton in a weird casting decision. Sags hits a top rope elbow on Hawk for two as Animal saves.

Animal comes in off the fairly hot tag and yeah this is going to be dominance. The Nasties get in a helmet (Jimmy’s trademark with them for some reason) shot to Hawk which does nothing for the most part. Hawk hits both guys with it and the Device on Sags gives them their first WWF Tag Titles.

Rating: D. This was pretty weak for the most part. It started and ended fairly hot but the middle is just dull. It’s a tag team match for about 5 minutes and the rest is nothing at all. There’s nothing here worth anything other than the LOD getting their first tag titles which took them forever to get. Pretty weak here but it was quick. One thing though: did ANYONE not see the title change coming? Anyone? Nah I didn’t think so.

Uh oh. I think that crazy Mountie might be up to more hijinks. Let’s see what kind of shenanigans he’s gotten himself into this time, that little rascal. Oh look at this! That hilarious Mountie got put inside a cell! What kind of improbably circumstances could he find himself in there? Wait and see!

Survivor Series promo.

I.R.S. vs. Greg Valentine

Yep, it’s a filler on a show with a 5 minute intermission. I wonder if this qualifies for the worst booked show of all time. Valentine was completely done at this point and this was to do nothing but put over Irwin. Both guys here are great workers though so if you can ignore the stupidity of putting this on next to last after the ridiculous amount of filler we’ve already had, this could be a good match.

Apparently Roberts and Taker are in Madison Square Garden which is a huge deal. Yeah it’s not like those two could be on the card or something like that. Oh hey, did you hear that Mountie is in jail? Not sure if I made that clear, but Mountie is in jail for the night. About five minutes into this match, we address it. Remember what I said about this might be ok? I was wrong, this match sucks.

Valentine puts the figure four on him but he gets to the ropes without really selling it at all. He goes for it again and gets rolled up with a shoulder up and kicking out before the three, but I guess the referee says end this suckage now and I’ll buy you an Air Supply album. That’ll keep Valentine distracted for hours.

Rating: D+. I feel so bad for guys like this when the commentators aren’t the least bit interested in the match. At least give them something to work on. No one wanted to see this and it would have been better being much earlier in the show. It was pretty bad, but if the announcers had actually tried, it would have been at least watchable.

Hogan says to buy his PPV in the fall.

Hogan and Warrior are feeling patriotic apparently. The big problem with the whole Iraq storyline was this: the war had ended 6 months ago. There’s a running story/joke that Vince was hoping the war went until May so the main event of Mania would have made sense. Of course, since the writers were lazy even back then, which I believe the writers consisted of Vince back then, let’s just keep it going for another 6 months instead of having a real main event at Summerslam.

Slaughter/Mustafa/Adnan vs. Hogan/Warrior

Let me make this clear: no one freaking cares. Sid is the referee instead of having him face Warrior in what could have been a big match, or a Warrior/Hogan vs. Slaughter rematch which also would have been an interesting match. Ok no it wouldn’t have been but it would have been a real main event. The world champion is in a handicap match at Summerslam. This is so stupid. Let’s get this nonsense over with please.

In case you can’t tell, I freaking hate this show. The faces dominate early as the fans cheer and no one is surprised. The only interesting thing here is to watch Warrior as he knows it’s his last match. Nothing special from him as Hogan gets beaten down and has to get beaten up by a couple of 50 year olds. He even takes the camel clutch from the man he beat for the world title 7 and a half years ago. That’s just weird to think about.

Hulkamania was born less than 8 years before this. They actually acknowledge that he’s the Sheik which I didn’t remember them doing. Hogan makes his comeback and tags Warrior, who beats up the heels but then gets beaten down himself. My goodness where do they come up with this brilliant storytelling? I’ve never seen anything like it (tonight at least)!

Warrior with his comeback and then it’s a brawl, no one is interested, Warrior grabs a chair and chases the two near senior citizens to the back because he can’t beat them on his own where he’s promptly fired. Hogan uses some powder and pins Slaughter with Sid doing absolutely nothing of note the entire match. Posing ensues as Sid joins him. This was a BIG waste of time.

Rating: D. There is absolutely no thought in this match at all. It’s two faces against three heels. I don’t think there was any buildup, and if there was it’s not mentioned here. Hogan was about to drop the title to Taker in two months, and Taker isn’t even on the card.

There was a home video released where this same match happened, but Taker was in it instead of the old guy not named Iron Sheik. Now wouldn’t that have been better here? This was called the Match Made In Hell. That’s a perfect title, because it would be perfect in the 8th circle of torment. Horrible match and I’m glad it’s over.

And one more time, we see the Mountie in jail, this time being hit on by a fat biker. See, it’s funny because the biker wants to screw Mountie. See why that’s funny? I want to make sure it’s known that this is designed to be a joke, because I don’t think they made it clear enough. That’s a bit risqué for 1991.

We get the whole freaking promo of Savage proposing to Liz, as this is the match made in heaven. See what they did? Match made in heaven and match made in hell? See how intelligent Vince was to imply one was good and one was bad? Oh yeah that’s awesome indeed. In case that’s not enough emotion for you, we get a 4 minute music video, highlighting their entire history. The thing at Mania was amazing stuff and for the simple reason of it was spontaneous. This is just overkill.

The wedding is of course in the middle of the ring, which is of course set up to look like a chapel. Savage comes out first, in his hat, which has a, I’m not making this up, two foot high feather on it. We even have flower girls and ring bearers. Could this get any sappier? Liz comes out looking stunning of course as the only thing that’s appealing about the whole thing. They say I do and the show ends.

Now for the actual good part: the reception. This was a bonus on some versions of the tape that has some of the best comedy I’ve ever seen. We get the standard stuff: toast, first dance, cake, etc. One thing that’s funny here is Gene says Mr. and Mrs. Macho. Shouldn’t it be Mr. and Mrs. Savage? Now we get to the really good part, as they open their wedding gifts.

Savage opens one and finds a blender. “WE GOT A BLENDER!!!” For some reason this is just freaking hysterical to me. He sounds like he won the WWF Title or something. Anyway, they get some candlesticks to which Savage shouts that next time they should send money. Liz looks at him, wondering what’s this about next time. Savage turns back and yells KIDDING! Then it kicks off as Liz opens a box to find a King Cobra.

Taker appears out of nowhere and blasts Savage in the head with the urn. Did no one see the SEVEN FOOT TALL GUY IN ALL BLACK AND A COWBOY HAT??? Jake comes in with a snake handler’s glove and another snake, yet no one stopped him either. Sid comes in with a wooden chair to run them off as we end with me laughing my head off at it.

Overall Rating: D. This show sucked. It has ONE good match. The rest is bad comedy and a horrible main event. I literally couldn’t remember what the main event was at this show when I was trying to think of it the other day. That should happen at Judgment Day or something, not SUMMERSLAM.

Half the show was dedicated to an unfunny angle that was a waste of time. There is one match that’s bringing this up to a D from an F-. Watch that, and that’s it. This might be the worst of the big four that I’ve ever seen, including WM 11.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 1989
Date: August 28, 1989
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

So we’re a year removed from the first Summerslam and quite a bit has changed in the WWF. Savage is now a full heel and no longer the champion, having dropped the title to Hogan at Mania 5. Their feud continues though as Hogan is now teaming with Beefcake to face Savage and Zeus in the main event. Now the Zeus storyline was, ahem, interesting I guess you would say.

Here’s the idea: Hogan made a movie called No Holds Barred. To wrestling fans, this was and still is proof that there’s a god and that he has a sense of humor, as this may indeed be the worst movie ever filmed. It’s corny, it’s stupid, and it’s nothing but a way to push Hogan down our throats. Seriously, this makes Cena look like Clark Gable.

Anyway, Zeus the character, real life name Tom Lister, wanted revenge on Hogan the wrestler, not Hogan’s character Rip from the film. If that made no sense, it would be like villain from 12 Rounds, whoever that was, coming to Raw to try to kill John Cena. See why this feud was bad from the beginning? Wouldn’t Zeus be angry at the screenwriters and not Hogan? Shouldn’t he be heading for a board room or something like that?

Dang this guy needs a new agent. Anyway, there’s one major flaw with this storyline: Lister wasn’t a wrestler, but an actor. This leads to one big issue: he doesn’t know how to do anything in the ring other than choke Hogan. This proves to be a storyline that’s looked back on fondly as it was something I grew up watching, but in modern times this is pretty freaking ridiculous.

Anyway, this is a big tag match, even though there’s another one in a cage a few months later that’s the real blow off to this, and likely a better match. Your other big match, which oddly enough was the first time those words could be used to describe this series, is Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior for the IC Title in a rematch from Mania 5 where Rude stole the belt in a stunning upset.

Other than that, it’s mainly filler matches that no one really wanted to watch. It looks like a far better card on paper than last year’s show, which isn’t saying much to be fair, but let’s see how it is.

First thing we see: big sign saying that the show is tonight at 745. Well thanks for letting me know that since I’M WATCHING THE SHOW. How stupid were the 1980s? That music is freaking sick though and I love it. Pure retro WWF music is something that will never be topped. Why in the world did I not have a Hulk Rules shirt? Oh and we have a tag line: Feel The Heat.

Well ok then I’ll make sure to do that. Tony and Jesse do your run of the mill intro talking about the two big matches until Tony says away we go. Apparently we’re going away to another intro. This one is of wrestlers squashing jobbers with cuts of non wrestling people doing various summer things: softball, ice cream, swimming, etc.

This is like a weird intro to Wrestling Challenge or something like that. It ends with Hogan hitting Zeus with a chair and Zeus slowly turning to face him before we hear some familiar music.

Hart Foundation vs. Brain Busters

Busters just recently won the tag belts from Demolition, ending their epic reign that will simply never be topped. However, this is non title because the Busters won the titles after this match was signed, which I guess is trying to protect the belts while keeping the Harts strong, but it still doesn’t make it sound all that great. The champions still have no music for no apparent reason while the Harts music sends the crowds into the official land of insanity.

This was around the time that everyone knew the Harts were the best tag team in a LONG time and perhaps the best team ever, and that the belts were rightfully theirs. I’ve always like the jog that the Busters did on the way to the ring for some reason. Makes them seem more serious or something I suppose. I also like the no music. It makes them seem like two guys that do nothing but just go out there and wrestle. That’s a gimmick in and amongst itself.

Lance Storm made it work very well, as did Arn Anderson. According to Jesse, if the Harts lose they might not get a title shot again for another year. In this era, there’s an excellent chance that he’s correct. That’s how competitive the tag division was at the time. In two months you’d see a tag team survivor series match with some TEN TAG TEAMS. I don’t mean two random guys put together and called a team.

TEN sets of guys that were legitimate teams. To say that the Harts dominate the first half of this match is an understatement. I don’t think the champions have control in that time frame at all, but they somehow never look like they’re completely out of it either. That’s a nice touch and something that’s rather difficult to do if you think about it. But wait, what’s this? The champions….are starting to win? What a concept!

The champions are winning a match in the style they’re champions of! That’s a great idea indeed and makes the match better as it extends it, making it back and forth. Arn hits the ropes and Bret uses a knee to his back to break his momentum. That’s a pure heel move but it gets a massive face pop here. I love how in wrestling the fans are so preconditioned to cheer and boo for certain people. That’s something you only get here.

We get a brawl once Hart gets the tag and eventually it’s Blanchard and both Harts in the ring. He gets the slingshot shoulder block which I’ve always marked out like crazy for, followed by the powerslam/splash move where Jim picks up Bret and reverse powerslams him onto Tully for the cover. Arn with a double axe handle, which normally is just a basic move, apparently knocks Bret out here for the pin.

Rating: B+. This was some great 80s tag team wrestling which is what the 80s were best at. All kinds of double team work and back and forth style which is just a treat to watch all over the place. Harts dominate but the champs come back in the end to steal the pin, which is a very nice touch as both teams look strong. Very good match and the perfect opener.

Dusty Rhodes, wearing Big Boss Man’s hat and holding his nightstick, is going to face Honky Tonk Man, which was a weird feud to say the least. He’s not worried and it takes him about a minute and a half to say that which includes 28 complimentary lisps.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Honky Tonk Man

Yep, it’s a comedy match. This was just an odd feud to say the least and I’m not quite sure who thought this would work well on camera. Neither guy could carry a match so I guess it falls on Dusty here. Dusty has a reputation for being one of the most lazy as well as one of the most inept guys in the ring and this is no exception. We’re 2 minutes into it and what do we get from Dusty? A rest hold of course!

And not just any rest hold mind you, but the lethal slight ankle twist…….OF DOOM. Hart on the megaphone is always great stuff as you could tell he loved every second of being out there. This cameraman has way too much of a tendency to focus the camera on Dusty or Honky’s fat. That’s not something I want to see a lot of. Dusty of course no sells the offense which makes Honky look even more ridiculous as we get even more rest holds since neither really has a big offensive range to speak of.

Think about it: what do you remember Honky doing other than a swinging neckbreaker? What stands out for you from Dusty other than a bunch of elbows? Dusty fights back, leading to a Honky rest hold. Literally, we’ve probably had 40-50% rest holds so far. What the heck are they resting from? Oh here’s Dusty’s next comeback and it’s the more interesting variety of elbows and punches rather than punches and elbows this time.

Ref goes down and Jimmy accidentally hits Honky with the guitar, leading to a BIG elbow drop from Dusty for the pin. Sean Mooney picks 18 seconds after Honky gets hit by a real, not the Jeff Jarrett breakaway kind, of guitar to interview him. Honky thinks he’s Elvis, that Jimmy is Priscilla and that he needs to kiss Lisa Marie before he gets on stage tonight. That’s an image that I don’t want coupled with one I do want actually.

Rating: F. This was atrocious. Both men had issues wrestling anything close to a passable match and were asked to put on a good match out there. That’s a bad combination and Dusty apparently was sleepy as he was in about 18 rest holds in a 10 minute match. That was the biggest issue of the whole thing for the most part. Honky was a great comedy heel, but even he couldn’t escape from the gravitational force of the suckage that comes from Dusty’s fat.

Duggan, in Demolition mask, along with his partners for later tonight Demolition, talk…about something. I think it’s about training for their match later.

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Perfect is a guy that can do anything and everything perfectly. Rooster is a man that walks around making chicken noises. My goodness what a gimmick can do for someone. There’s a bit of a joke here as Rooster was offered the Perfect gimmick buy turned it down and was given this I believe as a punishment. Hennig took it just so he could have a job in the WWF.

I think we know who made the right choice. It might be this gimmick but I’ve never been able to stand anything about Terry Taylor. He’s the most worthless wrestler I have ever seen. Dude, did Taylor botch a slam? Hennig is what, 250? How do you botch a move like that? Tony says that a dropkick was totally awesome! DANG that didn’t sound right coming from him.

They fight on the floor for a bit as I think Rooster is injured. He’s limping around a lot and I don’t remember Hennig doing anything to his leg. I think so even more as they go back in and NOW, you’re going to see a Perfect Plex! I mean they’re inside and within a second he’s got the headlock on him. That has to be a fast ending. Taylor can’t even sell the Plex right, as he sells it like he’s out cold. It’s a suplex with a bridge, not a freaking power bomb. You don’t sell it like you’re dead.

Rating: C+. This was WAY too short to really be anything as it was less than 3 and a half minutes I’d say. However, if Taylor actually was hurt that’s not their fault at all. For the time they were out there it was good though. I think it was the slam where he got hurt though. He was on a big offensive run at the time and a quick slam would have fit in there perfectly. After that it fell apart which I think was due to the injury. I’ll go with the decent ranking when both were healthy instead though.

EXPLETIVE! At least that’s what Gene Okerlund has to say when the Summerslam logo falls behind him as he’s trying to interview Rude. The funny part is it falls, he hears it, he looks down at it, and THEN he says what he said. They cut away immediately and Tony tries to imply nothing happen as Jesse is completely losing it on commentary. This was hilarious.

Tito Santana/Rockers vs. Rougeaus/Rick Martel

Random six man tag. This should be good I suppose given the guys out there. Oh and Jannetty will be ok too. It’s a classic tag feud mixed with singles feud so…ROUGEAU MUSIC!!! Holy goodness I love this song as it just rocks all around. As I check, yes indeed Jimmy Hart wrote it. With lyrics like “we don’t like heavy metal and we don’t like rock and roll. All we listen to is Barry Manilow.”, seriously, how can you go wrong?

Eighties wrestling music was so mind blowingly great it’s hard to stop. Slick managed Martel? I don’t remember that. As expected given the names in this match, everything goes insane in just a few seconds. The Rockers are in and it’s dropkicks a go-go all over the place, followed by the tag team throwing Santana into Martel. As they would today, the heels take over when we’re back in the ring. After that, it’s standard material that works pretty well I’d say.

Everyone in there is at least a decent if not good worker. After about 5 minutes of heel dominance, we get to the inevitable brawl with the faces taking over. Hart gets on the apron but is cut off by Jannetty, who is rolled up but reverses the rollup into one of his own. Martel runs in and lands a devastating…punch, which knocks him out for the pin. Tony screams that neither was the legal man, but who cares about that?

Rating: B+. This can be summed up in one word: fun match. You had six….that was two words wasn’t it? Oh screw it. I’m a political science major because there’s no math so who cares? Anyway, these guys just went out there and had fun. They had almost 15 minutes and made the most of it. Great little match that was fast paced for about 90% of it which helps it a lot. Makes the heels look strong while holding off on the Martel vs. Santana match, which is a plus.

Recap of Warrior vs. Rude, which was actually an epic rivalry. These were two guys that for no reason at all had amazing chemistry together. I don’t ever remember them having an actual bad match, which is odd for Warrior. It started at the Rumble where they had a pose down and Warrior had the IC belt.

At the end, Rude hit Warrior with a steel exercise bar and choked him out with it. Warrior chased him down and didn’t catch him until Mania, where Rude had Bobby Heenan hold Warrior’s foot to steal the title. Since then, they’ve been randomly feuding on and off as Warrior fights the whole Heenan family and a week before Andre beat him up. This is your rematch.

Wait, we need more rambling. Warrior talks about…Andre of course. Oh he throws in Rude too.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Rude does his standard intro that seems fresh despite being used about a million times. As he says hit the music, my tape jumps and I get a split second of the Gobbledygooker egg at Survivor Series 1991 which I’ll be getting to later on. That was really quite odd. Warrior is of course completely insane as he comes to the ring as Jesse wonders what asylum he was let out of.

In this series, Warrior would almost always dominate early on and this is no exception. I like that, as it fits Warrior’s character very well. Also, as they did at Mania, Rude’s back is hurt. Rude’s selling of the atomic drops are nothing short of classic, rivaled only by that of the Genius. Warrior goes to the top twice, which is just odd to see. However only one works as the Ultimate balls are crotched on the top rope.

He also throws on one of the best reverse chinlocks I’ve seen in a long time. It’s closer to a camel clutch but who cares? Rude goes for the Rude Awakening and just has it ripped off. As this is going on, images of Warrior in full character start coming to me. This is absolutely classic stuff as him freaking out on his trainers is nothing but funny stuff. They go back and forth as the ref gets bumped.

Powerslam by Warrior but a slow count allows Rude to get his foot on the bottom rope. This match has some freaking drama to it. Rude hits kind of a weird jumping punch off the top rope which isn’t something you see every day. Rude gets a piledriver as Roddy comes out, whom Rude had been feuding with lately. As he’s there, Rude gyrates at him for no apparent reason, resulting in Roddy mooning him. This gives Warrior the time to heal, leading to the slam and the splash and the IC belt.

Rating: A-. This was a very fun match. Like I said, these two just have freaky chemistry together for no reason at all and every time they’re in the ring it works well. Warrior is slowed down in these matches and it works quite well for him. Rude was a completely opposite style than his but for some reason they just meshed so well. Great match that made sense and furthered Piper vs. Rude like it was supposed to do. Warrior would hold the title until he vacated it after winning at Mania.

Sean Mooney is in the audience and says it’s awesome in a completely pointless scene.

In the back Gene is with Mr. Perfect, who says that Rooster was just a stepping stone, while using for what may be the first time, his signature line: Nobody beats Mr. Perfect, NOBODY. That’s actually a very good line.

Without cutting at all, Roddy shows up to be interviewed by Gene, who makes jokes about flashing Rude. Piper is either so coked up he can’t see straight, or he’s the best promo man that’s ever existed.

Again, with no change in the camera shot at all, Ronnie Garvin is here as my level of appreciation for this show falls. In case I haven’t made it clear, I hate this guy. He says he has a special assignment but Heenan runs in to complain and absolutely lose his mind over what Piper just did. This is great as Heenan is completely insane at this point. We have to be on an intermission here as this is the 4th interview in a row. Rude comes in and freaks out with less comedy.

Jesse agrees with Bobby.

Following that 5 minute barrage of interviews, we get a recap of the main event feud. Apparently Hogan and Zeus were feuding on the set of the movie, and Z appeared on SNME. Macho and Zeus hooked up in July to continue Savage’s feud with Hogan. Yeah this recap is really boring. We get the famous scene of Zeus attacking Beefcake and Hogan smashing him with a chair and Zeus just turning around.

This was SO much better when Dusty and Boss Man did it in the NWA. That’s the really famous one where Rhodes took the wooden chair and smashed it over Boss Man’s (then called Big Bubba) head, shattering it into a bunch of pieces. Bubba no sold it and just adjusted his tie. That’s awesome right there. This goes on for five minutes and it’s just not needing that much time.

Big Boss Man/Akeem/Andre the Giant vs. Jim Duggan/Demolition

This is just a straight old grudge match which should be fun. We get Jive Soul Bro so everything is right in my world. Andre just looks bad here. The heel team is 1,300 pounds. That’s freaking scary. When the 400lb+ Boss Man is the smallest guy on the team, that’s saying a lot. Duggan is in the Demolition mask here and Jesse makes a Jason Vorhees joke for no apparent reason.

He’s also King at this point which didn’t last that long. Ah ok the mask does look like a black Jason mask so that works fine. He has an American Flag painted on his face so Jesse has to go on a big rant. The 2×4 has a crown on it which is kind of cute. Duggan and Akeem start us off and Duggan defies the laws of PG with some harsh language.

The faces work over the African Dream a bit here which is smart as he’s definitely the easiest target of the three. And so much for that as Boss Man is in now. Now they work over him too as I’m noticing a theme of some sort. Some double team shenanigans allow Andre to come in and Axe is in trouble. Andre sits on him and it’s amazing that he’s still alive.

For once the USA chant makes sense as Andre is a Frenchman. Akeem, the wrestling master that he is, allows Axe to get the tag and bring in Smash. He gets a slam on both guys to put the heels in trouble. And then Andre smacks him in the head to take care of that. Akeem gets a second rope splash on Smash but Duggan pops him with the board to take care of that and get the pin. Big pop for that also which is kind of surprising.
Rating: C+. This was just a good old fashioned fight and there’s nothing wrong with that. Given the 6 guys in there, what were you expecting out of this match? These guys were just beating on each other for the sake of beating on each other and it was fun. Fun little match that worked quite well for what it was.

Survivor Series ad.

DiBiase says he’s going to beat Snuka.

Hercules vs. Greg Valentine

Ronnie Garvin is the surprise ring announcer. What did the fans do, burn something huge? How in the world he got a pop and earlier in his career actually FREAKING BEAT RIC FLAIR FOR THE NWA WORLD TITLE is beyond me. He’s fighting with Valentine over something and he insults Valentine and Hart in his introduction. These are the worst insults of all time.

He says Valentine claims to weigh 249 but looks to be overweight by 30 pounds. Is that actually an insult? He’s saying Valentine weighs less than he looks? “When he goes to his manager for advice, Little Jimmy can’t give him any.” What kind of a mean thing to say is that? Dear god this guy is awful. He says Valentine has two left feet. Garvin is insulting his ability to dance now??? In case you can’t tell, I really hate Garvin.

This match goes on for about 3 minutes and I think Hercules uses 18 punches and a suplex. Valentine uses his feet on the ropes and gets a pin. Garvin, the guy this match is focused on is, says that he feels Hercules is the winner. Based on this, the referee disqualifies Valentine. Herc and Garvin beat up Valentine.

Rating: F-. I hate Ronnie Garvin. He’s involved in this match, so it sucks.

We then get what has to be the weirdest promo of all time. Gene is with Sherri, Macho and Zeus, around a freaking cauldron of all things. They say….something about bad things coming to the faces tonight but I really was too confounded to listen. This was far stranger than it sounds.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka

DiBiase, still with no music, mentions he ended Jake Roberts. Snuka comes out to NO reaction at all, but Tony tries to tell us otherwise. Jimmy is rocking the zebra tights instead of the tiger ones he usually has. They’re really not working for him. Standard stuff here that’s really not interesting to say the least.

Punches, kicks, occasional suplex, DiBiase misses a big move, Superfly goes for the splash but Virgil makes the save, Thanks to Virgil we get a count out. Post match he beats up Virgil and splashes him which gets a ton of flashbulbs.

Rating: D. This was so boring and really didn’t need to happen. It is the definition of filler which this show was full of. They seriously need to get to the end of the show NOW.

Mooney is in the audience…..again.

Beefcake and Hogan say they’ll win. Apparently they drove their Harleys across the river. Hogan uses some very un-Hulk like language, even saying sexy, to describe Liz and her “headlights.” Kind of makes me wonder what he was riding.

Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Zeus/Randy Savage

Genius has a poem about Liz and Hogan which was a way to start paving the way for Hogan vs. Perfect very soon. As annoying as Beefcake was, he had a SWEET theme song. How in the world did I never get one of those Hulk Hogan teddy bears? What kind of a gimmick is a barber? That’s the best they could come up with for him? Hogan’s music hits and the fans go nuts. That’s saying a lot.

Hogan was so loved that the people would sit through three and a half hours of crap save for one or two matches for Hogan and Hogan alone. As Ventura puts it: THIS IS MASS HYSTERIA! No Jesse, THIS IS HULKAMANIA!!! My goodness that looks sweet in all caps. Screw  all the people that say Hogan sucks and plays politics. He is the greatest thing in the history of professional wrestling. Hogan tells Fink he has something to say. The pop for this is absurd.

She gets a pop on the level of the Warrior from earlier on. Macho is going nuts over this, as was expected. Macho is in gray/white tights, which just don’t work for him. My tape has a glitch in it as one minute Savage has Hogan in an Orton special, and the next Zeus is beating on Hogan. It’s a standard main event tag like last year but with more time given to it and it’s likely a better match because of it, but we’ve seen the formula before.

Face gets beaten down, mini brawl, other face takes over, gets beaten down, and then it’s hot tag to Hogan. Oh before I forget, Zeus is invincible unless you poke him in the eye first, and THEN punches hurt him. Why do I feel like I’m watching a mix of Zelda, the Three Stooges and Summerslam?

Sherri’s purse is loaded, which was later revealed to have a brick in it I believe, but THAT doesn’t drop Zeus. However, the slam and the leg drop do for the pin. Liz takes out Sherri and they cut her hair. Posing and recaps follow.

Rating: B-. This was fine for what it was, but it wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before, namely LAST FREAKING YEAR. It’s an ok tag match that no one would remember after the cage rematch 3 months later so this wasn’t anything too bad. Hogan of course looks dominant and another of his buddies gets a rub.

This would continue with Zeus for a few more months until the cage rematch where Hogan pins him with three leg drops as he apparently wanted to crush his immortal soul. Three leg drops are the equivalent of a nuclear explosion, so it’s no wonder Zeus didn’t wrestle for 7 years.

Overall Rating: B-. What an upgrade from last year! This was a million times better but that’s not really saying a lot. There were two featured matches this year so therefore the show looks a lot bigger. However, MY GOD THERE’S A LOT OF FILLER. This show never seems like it’s going to end as there’s probably 2-3 matches that could be completely cut. DiBiase’s could have been accomplished in a promo to say the least.

Hercules/Valentine could have been a short promo with Garvin running down Valentine (or being trampled under the hooves of stampeding camels), and the 6 man was just to get Andre and Demolition on the show. It’s light years ahead of 88, but next year the show really starts to get it right. Watch it if you’re a fan of 80s stuff and are quite bored.

 

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