Monday Nitro – April 3, 2000: They Can’t Even Get History Right
Monday Nitro #234 Date: April 3, 2000
Location: Worcester Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 0
Hosts: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone
There isn’t much to say here. WCW is being rebooted at the moment so this is a big recap show called the History of Money Nitro. In other words, they’re in a big arena, which I’m assuming they had to pay the full rent for and have no people involved. I’m assuming that means no revenue for this week, which is a fine way to open the new regime. Let’s get to it.
Madden and Schiavone are in an empty arena and say next week is a new beginning for WCW, which has pretty much sucked recently. Yeah when your lead announcers are saying the show is bad, you’re not in good shape. Russo is an ex-WWF writer and Bischoff was good once so maybe they can save us.
The first highlight video focuses on Hogan, including his in ring, ahem, abilities, and the celebrities he’s brought in over the years.
The hosts talk about Hogan’s signing leading to Nitro launching and how crazy people thought Bischoff was for going head to head with the WWF.
We look at the opening of the first episode with Tony talking about nervously walking around the Mall of America for three hours before the show started. We get some clips of Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Brian Pillman in the first match ever on the show. Amazingly enough it’s better than Hogan’s work.
More clips from the first show including Luger’s arrival, Flair vs. Sting and Hogan vs. Big Bubba.
Then the show expanded to two hours and the roster got bigger, which made Nitro cool. True.
Clip of the first two hour show with Scott Hall jumping the barricade. We get some clips of other stuff on that show and my goodness did Hall arrive just in time.
Video on the cruiserweights.
The hosts say that even at this point, the WWF was still way ahead. It was more even but it’s their show. Let them trash themselves if they want to.
Now on to the big idea: Hall and Nash. Ignore that we saw Hall five minutes ago. My one takeaway from this, over nineteen years later: play is still not an adjective.
Quick chat about the Hogan heel turn, with Madden saying Hulk didn’t want to do it. I would get on them for killing kayfabe even worse but A, it was already mostly dead and B, this is nothing compared to what Russo did.
LONG stretch of clips on the NWO’s rise to dominance and Sting trying to be the savior.
We open hour #2 with a package on the Nitro Girls. Why does this need history? They’re good looking women and WCW’s version of cheerleaders. What history is there to cover?
The hosts talk about the 100th episode with Luger winning the title, only to lose it five days later, making the whole thing a waste of time.
An hour and ten minutes into the show and they FINALLY talk about Goldberg, who was proof that Bischoff could create new stars. Create new stars, see the most obvious move in the world, same thing really.
Long video on Goldberg.
Talk of various celebrities who have appeared on Nitro.
The hosts move on to Nitro falling, which they basically attribute to Vince Russo and Bischoff having problems outside of his control, namely injuries. Now stay with me here: after talking about Bischoff being burned out and the company falling apart due to issues beyond his control, we move to Flair vs. Bischoff for control of the company. So is this supposed to be a real history or the storyline history? I know WCW wouldn’t know, but Heaven help us with Russo coming back to make it even more unclear.
Video of the awesome four World Title match way back in the spring.
Package on the Sting heel turn which bombed and all the ensuing mess.
Madden describes Crash TV and says it was working in WCW. Why Russo was fired so soon isn’t mentioned of course.
Package on some of Russo’s stuff from his first run.
The wrestlers’ comments on the new bosses coming in take us out.
Overall Rating: F. So let’s see: they don’t know if they’re talking history or storylines, they spend about 20 minutes of a two hour broadcast talking about the thing they’re trying to get over, and the rest of the time on history, which is going to mean nothing next week when the whole thing gets rebooted. All I know from this show is that WCW used to be cool, but then it all fell apart and that’s very sad as a wrestling fan.
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SuperBrawl 2000 Date: February 20, 2000
Location: Cow Palace, San Francisco, California
Attendance: 8,569
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay
Well the TV shows have been some of the least interesting things I’ve ever had to sit through, so maybe the pay per view will be the complete opposite and be entertaining. I mean, stranger things have happened right? The main events tonight are Sid Vicious defending the World Title against Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall in a three way, plus Hogan vs. Luger and Funk vs. Flair because they haven’t replaced the Radicalz, but these old guys are still going to be fighting each other no matter who else is on the card. Let’s get to it.
The opening video starts by focusing on Funk vs. Flair. The start of Funk’s promo overlaps the opening narration as they can’t even get something simple like “wait five more seconds” right. Sid defending the World Title is billed third here.
We open with, of course, a promo. Jarrett and the Twins leave the Commissioner’s office along with the girls, much to Gene’s shock. Much to my shock too as the Twins were banned from the building. Jarrett says he’s in charge due to hitting Nash with the guitar on Thunder. His first ruling: the Twins are allowed at ringside.
The announcers run down the card to fill in even more time, including the “Special Main Event Match” with The Demon vs. The Wall.
We recap the Cruiserweight Title tournament, including the matches between people not even in the finals. This gets us to over ten minutes of filler before the first match starts.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Lash Leroux
The title is vacant coming in and Artist has Paisley with him. Lash spanks Paisley and gets punched in the face. Some southern gentleman. Prince hammers away at the shoulder (allegedly head) in the corner but gets shoved down onto a very loud ring. Lash’s version of Flip Flop and Fly is broken up by a superkick to the face, only to get sent to the floor for a dive from the southern non-gentleman. Back in and Prince doesn’t seem to mind being crushed by a dive as he ties Lash up in the Tree of Woe for a running knee. Oh yeah Kevin Sullivan is in charge.
Lash tries a sunset flip but Iaukea grabs Charles Robinson’s crotch to stay on his feet before licking his own finger and pressing it to Lash’s head. The Artist keeps yelling at the referee (to be fair Robinson didn’t seem to like having his crotch grabbed) and Paisley gets on the apron for no apparent reason other than to give us a bright purple bodysuit as a distraction. Lash slugs away but the Paisley distraction lets Prince hit the middle rope DDT for the pin and the title.
Rating: D. This was a Thunder match with a lame ending that did nothing to get the fans into the show. These two are the least interesting guys in the entire tournament (yes, less interesting than Kaz Hayashi) and they wind up in the finals. A member of 3 Count should have won this and then feuded with some other cruiserweight to build that person up as the new big deal. Instead it goes to Iaukea, who isn’t over and hasn’t been over in about three years since he beat Regal for the TV Title. Calling him over back then is a stretch but it’s as close as he ever got otherwise.
Norman Smiley has his ribs taped up after being chokeslammed through a table on Thunder.
Brian Knobbs yells about never giving up.
There’s a private room that no one is allowed inside. If no one is allowed inside, why bother looking at it? In theory wouldn’t that mean no one is inside in the first place?
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs
Brian is challenging so naturally he lost on TV this week. He also has a broken arm thanks to Luger. The brawl starts early and here’s Fit Finlay, who has been feuding with Knobbs in recent weeks but of course starts helping him here. Madden: “The title moves around a lot.” Bigelow is the third champion in about four months. That’s not moving around that fast. The World Title has changed hands seven times in January. If the Hardcore Title moves around a lot, the World Title took third in the 100m at the 1984 Olympics.
Knobbs and Bigelow fight into the back as Tenay says no one holds the belt that long. The first reign was a month and a half and the second was about a month. Would a little research kill these people? Bigelow throws him into a table of stuff but Finlay blasts the champ in the back of the head. Finlay is too talented to be involved here though and Knobbs says he wants to do this himself.
They head back to the ring where it’s table time, which leads to an interesting, semi-fourth wall breaking discussion of why there are so many tables under the ring. Knobbs sends himself through the table by mistake, setting up the Greetings From Asbury Park. Bigelow goes up top instead of covering and gets hit with with cast, knocking him out to the floor to give Brian the pin and the title.
Rating: F. It was boring, it didn’t make sense, and above all else it was poorly researched. If there’s one thing I want in my hardcore matches, it’s a heavily detailed bibliography with footnotes and references, along with a recommendation of other hardcore matches worth watching for further education. Is that too much to ask?
Flair and Luger are ready.
Sid and Hall’s dressing rooms are guarded.
3 Count vs. Norman Smiley
No singing tonight because it’s time to fight. No shoulder pads for Norman tonight either. Norman’s ribs are injured thanks to Wall chokeslamming him through a table. Tony: “Let’s take a look at the angle that lead to his injury.” Smiley cleans house to start and backdrops Shannon so hard over the top that he clears the other band members.
3 Count takes over without going after the ribs, though in their defense the ribs are covered by a 49ers jersey. The ribs are fine enough for a giant swing to Helms but Shannon breaks up the Big Wiggle. Shane and Shannon stop to dance, allowing Norman to wiggle instead. The band finally finds the bad ribs and stomps Norman down in the corner, setting up a pair of top rope splashes and a Boston crab to make Smiley give up.
Rating: D. So you give Norman a 3-1 disadvantage and an injury and then have him lose. Points for being logical, points taken away for killing the crowd by having the fan favorite lose. I like that they’re pushing 3 Count, but if they think this is going to get the fans to care about them, they’re even more lost than I thought.
Jarrett wants the Harris Brothers to find out who is in the locked room.
The Demon vs. The Wall
This is the MAIN EVENT MATCH, which is WCW’s way of fulfilling their contract with Kiss without wasting a main event on Demon. There’s no Wall because he realized how stupid this whole thing is. Demon goes to find him and gets jumped from behind, triggering another brawl.
Wall takes it inside and chokes with his boot as this is looking like a squash to start. Demon comes back with a clothesline and stomps away before mixing it up by punching in the corner. Back up and Wall drops him ribs first onto the ropes, only to get slammed off the top. The fans are already jeering this match so thankfully Wall chokeslams him off the top for the pin.
Rating: F. On pay per view mind you. This actually happened on pay per view. But it was a MAIN EVENT MATCH so everything is fine right? Demon was a character that was dead in the water before he started but at least they seem to be trying with Wall. I’d be stunned if he isn’t just being built up as cannon fodder for someone else but he’s getting a push for now.
Ernest Miller promises that James Brown is here. Apparently Beethoven stole his stuff from Little Richard, who stole it from James Brown. The things you learn around here.
The Twins can’t get into the room.
We recap Tank Abbott vs. Big Al, because this needs a story. Actually it does, as I have no idea why they’re fighting. Al is Tank’s former bodyguard from the UFC, so they’re having a leather jacket on a pole match.
Tank Abbott vs. Big Al
Al is in jeans and a biker vest. He takes off his belt and they tie their hands together, which means Tank is going to have to……oh dear goodness he’s going to have to wrestle. Or just throw left hands and swear a lot. Al hits him with a forearm that breaks the belt and seems to knock Tank out cold. Then he takes forever to wrap Tank’s legs around the post but stops, says that’s too good for him, and gets back inside. Back in and Al stands on his face, making sure to lean against the ropes.
Tank slugs him down and then throws Al onto his shoulders. For some reason he climbs all the way to the top, where he drops Al down, sending him feet first into the steps and head second onto the floor. By the way, to Bill Watts, THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE MATS OUT THERE (I read his book recently and he still thinks the biggest danger is a sprained ankle if you step on the edge). With Al somewhere between unconscious and dead, Tank goes out and hits him once in the chest before going up for the jacket and the win.
Rating: Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride. That’s as logical of a rating as I can give you after this. We had Al, who just appeared but has never wrestled before and I don’t believe will after this match, against Tank Abbott, who also isn’t a wrestler (at least by my definition), in a match about a leather jacket. Throw in the likely brain trauma for Al and this is one of the biggest calamities I’ve ever seen.
And now, for the infamous part. Abbott finds a knife in one of the jacket pockets and holds it over the unconscious Al’s throat, where he says he could kill Al right now. Tony suggests that they were scissors and that Abbott was going to cut Al’s beard. That line has been mocked a lot over the years, but I’ll actually give Tony credit for thinking it up that fast. Have you got a better idea for what he should be saying there? Now that being said, it would have been a lot better if Al actually had a beard.
We recap the battle of Harlem Heat. Stevie Ray claimed that Booker had forgotten where he came from and has since given Booker’s spot on the team to Big T. This of course includes the rights to the letter T. Booker was also arrested on attempted murder charges because he hit an atomic drop on J. Biggs. That’s a bit harsh. I mean, maybe he was just trying to cut off Biggs’ beard.
Booker tries to keep it simple by saying he’ll teach Big T. a lesson tonight. The T isn’t mentioned.
Booker vs. Big T.
For the rights to Harlem Heat. Oh and Booker has Leave It To Beaver music because he’s lost the rights to the Harlem Heat song. Stevie has promised that someone is coming back from Booker’s past to cost him the match tonight. That pretty much leaves Sherri Martel and Midnight unless it’s someone new. T. pounds on not-T to start but Booker comes back with a weak Angle Slam and a suplex.
Stevie grabs Booker’s foot (sounds like a hostile takeover of the B on Booker’s boot) so T. can knock Booker to the floor. Back in and Booker hits his kicks before knocking Biggs off the apron. There’s the Book End and missile dropkick but the lights go out. Thank goodness the referee counted so slowly. The bell tolls midnight and the lights come up with a large man (maybe 4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers) to distract Booker, setting up the Pearl River Plunge to pin Booker. I guess it was too much to ask the guy to actually do anything but stand there.
Rating: D-. Now, NEVER LET THEM FIGHT AGAIN. Big T. is worthless at this point and adding someone even bigger doesn’t make the team mean anything more. Booker is stuck in this stupid story because the idea of moving him up the card is a sin of some sort. I’m sure we’ll get another match though as Booker will find someone to team with him next time.
The Maestro is sick of hearing about James Brown and has a bet in mind: if Brown isn’t here, Miller has to be Maestro’s servant. If Brown is here, Maestro will listen to any music Miller picks exclusively. Keep in mind that this whole bet has been set up on the night of the show with about 100 minutes of air time left. This falls under the theory that if you have a good looking woman in the background (Symphony here), the scene is much easier to sit through.
The Twins beat up a backstage worker who can’t unlock the door. I know they’re not known for being too bright, but is it that complicated to have two 6’6 300lb monsters kick in a wooden door?
We get a WAY too long recap of Kidman vs. Vampiro, who had two good TV matches and then Vampiro walked out on him in a tag match. Tonight is the tiebreaker and the Wall is also involved in some way, though he isn’t appearing in this match. Therefore, I’m sure you get why he’s featured in the recap video. The video goes on for nearly two minutes, which might set a record for the longest recap of a midcard match ever.
Vampiro vs. Kidman
The announcers spend the entrances talking about how Kidman has moved up from the Cruiserweight division, which is a nice sentiment but I’m not sure how accurate it really is given that he’s fighting Vampiro in a midcard match. Feeling out process to start with Kidman grabbing a headlock (a non-cruiserweight headlock of course) but Vampiro punches him in the head, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him out to the floor.
Back in and Vampiro scores with a dropkick as the fans are eerily silent. A quick shot of Torrie helps a bit and Kidman counters a powerbomb (duh), only to have his knee dropkicked out from under him. Torrie gets knocked off the apron so Kidman snaps Vampiro’s neck across the top to go check on her. Madden does his best Jerry Lawler impression but it comes off as far more creepy stalker than loveable dirty old man like Lawler. Vampiro slams Kidman in and gets two off a snap suplex.
A Fameasser (called the Dropper according to Tenay) gets two more as Madden makes up a bit for being creepy by saying this could be a US Title match in a year and a World Title match in two years. Kidman’s top rope hurricanrana (which he used to win the first match) gets two but Vampiro blows my mind by doing the unthinkable: he powerbombs Kidman……TWICE!!! Since the announcers don’t get one of Kidman’s biggest deal, they treat this as nothing special.
In a very quick ending, Kidman goes up top for a sunset bomb but turns around into a kind of super reverse DDT for the pin. It looked really awkward and Vampiro is slow to get up. It’s not quite Big Al being dropped onto the concrete from above the top rope, but that was a totally non-cruiserweight pulling Vampiro down in a reverse DDT. That has to hurt.
Rating: C-. Pretty uninspired stuff here but at least they only took seven matches to get something to go six minutes. This was treated like a big feud but it never came off as anything more than taking two guys with talent and throwing them together because the company had nothing better to do with them. Somehow I’m sure they’ll be blamed for the crowd not caring after an hour of really dull stuff.
Funk promises to win the death match with Dustin Rhodes in his corner.
Sid tells security to get away from his door.
David Flair, Daffney and Crowbar have fun with the stretcher.
We recap the Tag Team Title match, which is over Vito’s sister’s wedding being broken up by the crazy people. Therefore, tonight is an Italian stretcher match for the Mamalukes’ titles in the third match between these teams.
The Mamalukes don’t accept their family being hurt by anyone. It’s so bad that Johnny doesn’t want a cheese sandwich.
Tag Team Titles: Crowbar/David Flair vs. Mamalukes
Mamalukes are defending and this is suddenly a Sicilian stretcher match. Both members of a team have to be taken up the aisle on stretchers to end this. The brawl starts on the floor, as you would expect, with Disco getting in on commentary as you would also expect. Naturally we look at him as Tony says this is a shoot to him. This is one place where I would prefer WWE’s current way too tough commentary restrictions. If any of those words were spoken on Raw, Vince would probably come out and beat Cole senseless live on TV.
The champions run down the crazy guys with a stretcher, which Daffney finds hilarious. They head inside instead of trying to take them the other way on the stretcher because this company’s wrestlers aren’t that bright. Daffney comes in for a hurricanrana on Johnny, which seems to just annoy him. A lead pipe to the back (so lead that it bends as it hits Johnny) puts Johnny down again and the champs are in trouble. The fans are trying to get into this but it’s really not lasting. My hearing isn’t lasting either after Daffney screeches into the camera.
Crowbar hits a Lionsault onto Vito and it’s time to break up the stretcher. Tony does his “I can’t believe we’re watching this” voice and Vito powerbombs Crowbar through the table. Apparently Disco has been poked in the eye and can’t tell what is happening to who. Johnny jumps from the mat to the top rope ala Shelton Benjamin for a spinning legdrop (with an acceptable pause for balance).
David is taped onto the stretcher and the referees wheel it to the back because……I don’t care why because this is closer to being over. Crowbar dives onto both Mamalukes as the fans are just silent here. Daffney rings the bell to confuse things even more, which somehow takes two minutes for the announcers to figure out. Vito splashes Crowbar through a table on the floor and puts he and Daffney (Madden: “The screams are usually a sign she’s enjoying herself.”) on the stretcher to finally end this.
Rating: D. There are multiple problems here, but the biggest problem is who was in the match. Flair and Crowbar are a freakshow team and the Mamalukes are just ok. That’s the problem with them: they’re just so average that there’s nothing interesting to say about them. The other problem here is we’ve covered this already. The Mamalukes have beaten Flair and Crowbar three times now and there’s nothing left to say with this feud. Unfortunately, who else is there for them to feud with? 3 Count? The Harris Twins? That’s about as good as the division has at this point, which goes back to my request: HIRE NEW PEOPLE!
With the Mamalukes’ music still playing, Jarrett and the Twins leave their locker room. This was a fifteen second segment and changed nothing.
Sid promises to prove that he’s the World Champion because he deserves to be.
Here’s Ernest Miller for the big talking segment, which for some reason is about ERNEST MILLER. He dances to the ring and rips on the fans for being rednecks who didn’t believe he could get James Brown. “You didn’t believe me and James Brown were like two neckbones in a pot!” After some more insults, here’s a James Brown impersonator so bad that Rick Bognar is off somewhere shaking his head.
Cue the Maestro and Symphony because this is really happening on pay per view. Maestro sounds like he’s trying to use an accent but can’t decide what country it’s supposed to be from. Miller isn’t going to do anything Maestro says and there goes James’ sunglasses, revealing that it’s not the real one.
Cue a bunch of dancers, leading down the real James Brown with another entourage. The Maestro’s reaction (jaw hanging open and then fainting) is awesome but this just keeps going to destroy any good feelings. Miller and Brown dance and I think this is a face turn. I know I want to cheer for someone who was calling the fans stupid rednecks when this started but hey, he brought out a singer to dance with him.
The announcers act like this is awesome as it just continues. Brown gives Miller his cape for a passing of the torch or whatever but they have to pose on the apron before this is finally done. Total time between Miller’s music starting and cutting to ANYTHING else: 12:06, or longer than any match so far.
Hall talks about how he can go and the James Brown music is playing over his promo.
We recap Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk, which started with Funk saying he’s a bigger legend and that Flair is jealous. David Flair got beaten up but Ric wouldn’t help him, causing Arn Anderson to walk away from Ric. This is somehow a sequel to their famous feud in 1989 because there was no one young and talented for either guy to put over.
Flair says he’s awesome and drops a lot of catchphrases.
If you buy this show, you get a teddy bear! I could use a teddy bear to hold and rock back and forth as I scream into the darkness if the rest of the show is as bad as the first two hours.
Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Death match, meaning last man standing but you have to get a fall before the ten count starts. Dustin Rhodes is sitting in a chair to cheer Funk on as the guys slug it out in the corner. Flair rolls outside and the stalling begins but Funk quickly suplexes him back inside. There’s the spinning toehold but Flair punches his way out of it. They fight outside with Funk hitting another suplex as this is already in slow motion.
Ric is up first, only to take another suplex, drawing some very inappropriate language. He must have been watching that Tank Abbott mess earlier. Either way, the second suplex is good for a pin but Flair is up at five. To be fair it was just a suplex. Back up and Flair goes after the knees with some kicks and chair shots as Madden tries to play this off as a dramatic silence.
The Figure Four in the ring makes Funk give up quickly for a strategy play and is up before the count even gets close. Flair gets slammed off the top and piledriven on the floor but Funk would rather take back the floor mats than cover. They slug it out again because a piledriver on the floor only keeps you down for about ten seconds these days. Another piledriver on the mats gets a pin but Flair is up at about seven.
It’s table time but Funk has something to say first. He offers Ric the chance to quit and the response earns Flair a mic to the head. Normally that would be a heel move but I don’t think they have any idea who is a face or heel here so it’s acceptable. Funk puts Flair on the table as we cut to Dustin to remind us that he’s here. A really good looking piledriver through the table in the ring knocks Ric silly for…..two, as Terry pulls Ric up before the pin. Funk loads up another table and then covers (huh?) before hammering away at the head. Ric gets up and throws Funk through the table for the pin and the ten count to win.
Rating: C+. Good brawl here but the match was basically in slow motion throughout and the ending was lame. Dustin added nothing to this match and I still have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for. Also, Flair gets piledriven through a table and is on his feet less than two minutes later? Really? Still though, these two are going to have a good match through pure greatness and that’s how they pulled this one off.
Hulk Hogan, straight out of 1994, says the arm is just the break he’s been looking for. They had been teasing a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid coming into the show and there’s no sign of it. Of course. Hulk is willing to snap and crackle Liz if necessary.
Hulk Hogan vs. Total Package
Hogan has a broken arm coming in. Buffer’s entrance: “LET’S BRING EM ON!” Luger jumps him (Hogan, not Buffer) as he hits the ring but Hulk goes to the eyes, which is considered a Hollywood move. The rapid (work with me here) elbows (all two of them) set up some choking and Luger is thrown to the floor for the t-shirt rip. Hogan’s back being to the camera for the big shirt rip clearly shows that he doesn’t know how to work. Hogan slugs away on the floor but comes back inside to eat an elbow to the jaw. Oh yeah this is just going to be a punch and kick match.
Luger takes him back outside for some whips into the barricade but a cast shot to the face staggers Package. Ten rams each into two buckles set up a big right hand as the fans aren’t thrilled with Hogan’s schtick. A Liz distraction lets Luger get in more forearms to the back but Hogan sends him into the barricade again. Hart steals a ball bat from Liz, a suplex is no sold, Luger hits him low, Hart and Hogan both use their casts and the legdrop finishes Lex.
Rating: D. Remember a little while ago when Flair and Funk took a pretty lame match and made it work through pure charisma? Well apparently that only works if you have both guys trying as Hogan was his normal self but Luger was just walking through this match and doing even less than usual. You can’t even have Hulk no sell the steel forearm? The best we can get is a suplex? Worthless match but Hogan’s formula worked so long for a reason.
Post match Flair comes in to go after Hogan’s leg but Sting, with new makeup, returns for the big save. This segment could have easily taken place in 1995 and no one would have noticed the difference.
Hall comes out of his dressing room and sends the security away.
Sid does the same. These segments felt like the build to a commercial.
We recap the World Title match which is Sid defending against two guys feuding over the NWO shenanigans. That stable needs to die (again) already.
The door has been opened and apparently it wasn’t Sting inside. Thankfully they say Sting came from elsewhere in the arena to close a loophole. Unfortunately they leave open the “there was a cameraman on the door so HOW DO WE NOT KNOW WHO WAS INSIDE” loophole.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett
Sid is defending and this is one fall to a finish with No DQ. Jarrett is introduced as a five time World Champion combined (what does that even mean?) but not the US Champion. That’s awful even by WCW standards. Hall and Jarrett start fighting before Sid comes to the ring and we’ve got less than nine minutes to go in the show. Points to Buffer for still doing Sid’s entrance while Jarrett is running from Hall.
The champ gets double teamed as Hall and Jarrett’s feud is dropped for fear of Sid. That goes nowhere as the Twins interfere to give Jeff control. Jarrett stomps on both guys and Hall doesn’t even let him put on the sleeper before reversing it. The referee is decked maybe three minutes into this, which really shouldn’t mean much given that this is No DQ.
A double chokeslam (with Jeff jumping before Sid even had time to think about moving his arm. I know Sid is Sid, but Jarrett is better than that) gets two from new referee Nick Patrick and Ron gives Jarrett the belt. Sid gets knocked out and Hall grabs some rollups for two each on Jeff, who knocks the second referee out. Sid throws Jeff into a chair, allowing a third referee to count two for Hall. Sid fights the Twins but Jeff pokes the referee in the eye and gives him a Stroke. Come on just get to the finish.
Jarrett beats up the fourth referee before he can do anything and here’s crooked referee Slick Johnson. The Outsider’s Edge plants Jeff but Johnson has a sudden shoulder injury. I’m counting that as a ref bump. The guitar lays out Jarrett and here’s…..oh sweet goodness Roddy Piper is here in a referee’s shirt. He stops Johnson’s count at two, pokes Jarrett in the eye, and watches Sid plant Jeff with a chokeslam. Sid powerbombs Hall to retain with Piper counting, which is the last time we’ll see Hall in a WCW match.
Rating: F. This is another match where if you need an explanation, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. The match ran seven minutes, meaning we had a ref bump about every 100 seconds. On top of that, why does WCW insist on putting Roddy Piper on TV so often? It’s like Undertaker returning over and over: it works for awhile, and then there’s enough of them to make a full on DVD.
Overall Rating: F-. This show is one of the worst kind you can have: it didn’t need to exist and then on top of that it was horrible. What on here couldn’t have been done on TV? Even Flair vs. Funk, the longest match of the night by far at just under sixteen minutes, felt like a TV main event. There are matches on here that feel like they could be TV openers, which is nowhere near enough to make me want to pay to see this show. If the biggest things to happen on a show are a tournament final for the lowest title in the company and ANOTHER Roddy Piper return, there is no need for a show to exist, especially one this horrible.
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Monday Nitro – February 14, 2000: You Could Have Gotten Me Some Cheap Flowers Instead
Monday Nitro #227 Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.
The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.
We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.
Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.
Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.
Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.
The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.
Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.
Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.
3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.
Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count
Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.
Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.
Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.
3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.
Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.
Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.
Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller
33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.
Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?
Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.
Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.
Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka
You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.
Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.
Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.
The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.
Rhonda Singh vs. Mona
Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.
Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.
Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.
Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.
Total Package vs. Terry Funk
Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.
Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.
The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.
Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair
Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.
They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.
Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.
The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.
Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.
Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall
Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.
Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.
Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.
The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.
The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.
Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.
Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.
Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.
Booker vs. The Demon
Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan
This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.
Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.
Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.
Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.
Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.
US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious
Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.
A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.
Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.
Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.
Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.
Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.
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Thunder – February 9, 2000: Some Twisted Fever Dream From The Nightmares Of An 80’s Fan
Thunder Date: February 9, 2000
Location: Myriad Convention Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 7,124
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
The NWO has never had problems like this before! I mean they’re fighting amongst themselves and beating each other up! Other than that, the question here is which veteran is going to rip the company apart tonight and then get a big match instead of getting suspended or fired like they should. Let’s get to it.
Jarrett, the Twins and Hall arrive separately.
Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Lash Leroux vs. Shannon Moore
Lash cuts off the performance this week, making him twice as annoying. Granted that’s not saying much as he isn’t very annoying in the first place. 3 Count gets involved early and pulls Lash to the floor, allowing Shannon to hit a moonsault for two back inside. Lash blocks a spinwheel kick and sends Shannon into the corner, where he counters a bodyscissors and drops Moore chest first onto the buckle. A dropkick gets two on Shannon and he gets planted with something like an AA. Evan offers a distraction so the other bandmates can come in, only to be taken down by a double clothesline. Lash rolls Shannon up for a fast pin.
Norman Smiley breaks up the post match beatdown and promises to beat all of them up at SuperBrawl.
Time to run down the card.
Here’s the NWO, meaning just Jarrett and the Twins, with something to say. Jeff wants quiet from the fans before he starts beating up their heroes. Fans have been asking why Jeff did what he did on Monday when he attacked Hall. Who are these fans? I want them flogged. Hall was trying to take Jarrett’s title shot, even though he would get the title match anyway at SuperBrawl. Jarrett makes Sid/Funk vs. the Twins tonight just to screw with the champ. Tenay: “What’s wrong with that?”
Cue Hall, who reads HEY YO off a piece of paper. He doesn’t remember choosing Jarrett as the boss because Jeff doesn’t remember the time up north. Jeff has been invited into the clique down here and now he thinks he’s running the show. He’s just the acting commissioner until Nash comes back, so here’s Nash…..on the screen. Nash tells the women to stop with the massage for now because he has to yell at Jarrett.
Jeff can’t be left alone for five minutes and as a result, he’s no longer commissioner in any capacity. Back in Amazing Fantasy #15 in Spider-Man’s first appearance, it was said that with great power comes great responsibility. Jarrett did something bad to someone Nash cares about, so Jeff has to be punished.
The first idea was to cover him in barbecue sauce and put him in a cell with Meng, but then he had a better idea: leave him on a deserted island with Zbyszko so Larry can tell him about the time when he was on top of the territory. Hall: “NO KEV NOT THAT!” Nash can be a funny guy when he feels like it. Instead, how about Hall vs. Jarrett tonight with the title shot on the line. The survey says the fans approve (or maybe they just want to go home) and that’s that. So to be clear, this week the Outsiders are faces.
Jarrett is livid after a break.
Hardcore Title: Demon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Demon does his entrance from the coffin and gets hit with a crutch for the pin in three seconds. This is part of the “let’s bury Demon because we agreed to a deal with Kiss and then realized it was stupid but we have to fulfill our obligations” period.
Funk and Sid are ready for the Twins tonight.
Crowbar listens to Kiss because he’s crazy.
Booker vs. Stevie Ray
I would ask why not wait for SuperBrawl, but I guess you have to do this match while Booker is still out on bail for that attempted murder thing. Booker doesn’t want to fight his brother, but a Biggs distraction lets Stevie get in some cheap shots. A few kicks put Stevie down and Booker beats up Biggs, followed by a chair to Stevie. Booker leaves and there was no match.
Nash, on the phone, isn’t cool with Jarrett spending $57,000 on guitars last week so he makes Luger vs. Finlay for tonight.
Flair wants Hogan but will settle for Funk at SuperBrawl. They really are just doing the greatest hits catalog aren’t they?
Kidman vs. Crowbar
This could be good. Crowbar charges into the ring and Kidman pounds him down like a villain, or someone with a reason to be mad at Crowbar, would do. Back up and Crowbar intentionally throws dropkicks that miss for some taunting but Kidman just punches him in the face. They head outside with Kidman being whipped into the barricade, setting up a splash off the barricade. Well at least they’re keeping it moving so far.
Back in and Crowbar gets dropkicked out of the air, setting up the Bodog for two. The BK Bomb gets the same but Crowbar counters a headscissors into a kind of reverse Batista Bomb. I’ve always thought a reverse powerbomb would be a good finisher for someone. Kidman is in trouble but Torrie easily distracts the referee, allowing Crowbar to grab the crowbar. Crowbar takes a crowbar though and Kidman hits a quick hurricanrana for the pin.
Rating: C. These two are rapidly becoming some of my favorite people on the show. Crowbar may not be the most technically sound guy in the world but he’s playing his character so well that it’s hard not to like him. Kidman is probably the most polished worker on the roster right now (or at least the most polished who is actually trying) and it’s really showing.
Crowbar whips himself into the steps. That’s quite the dedication.
The NWO sends their women away.
Sid Vicious/Terry Funk vs. Harris Brothers
Sid comes out first because the title has no value these days. Jarrett, of course wearing the US Title which he has shown no signs of defending yet, is on commentary. Ron and Sid start with Ron taunting Funk, drawing him in for a Twins’ double team. Just like last week, Sid fights them off with ease because they’re the Harris Twins, allowing Funk to come in and cover Don for two. A DDT gets the same and it’s off to Ron for a chinlock.
Funk fights back with a shoulder as we hit slapnuts #5 from Jeff. The hot tag (more like mild and party cloudy) brings in Sid for a chokeslam and cobra clutch slam to Ron. Don takes a piledriver on the exposed concrete but Sid gets hit low to keep the match going. Funk puts Don on a table at ringside as Sid chases…..I guess Ron to the back, allowing Jarrett to guitar Funk through the table to give Don the pin.
Rating: D. I guess this is the match that got the extra time after Knobbs vs. Demon. That being said, I’d love to hear the validation from the creative team as to how this is the best use for the World Heavyweight Champion who has spent weeks battling the forces of evil to finally win the belt. Lame tag match but at least Jarrett gets one up on the champ, by beating his tag partner who first retired seventeen years ago.
Flair wants to team up with Luger so Luger can break Funk’s arm on Monday while Luger deals with Hogan. The youngest person in this story: Lex Luger at 41.
Total Package vs. Fit Finlay
Before the match, Luger (can we please go back to that being his official name?) talks about beating up Hogan and Funk with help from Flair, who is referred to as a protege. Thankfully Finlay comes out so I don’t have to feel the explosion of the space time continuum from that statement. Finlay works on the arm to start, stomps away in the corner and then gets hit in the leg by a ball bat shot from Liz for the fast DQ.
Luger Pillmanizes Finlay’s arm and Brian Knobbs comes out to get in a shot of his own. On Finlay of course, because he doesn’t seem to remember Luger breaking his arm so recently.
This Week in WCW Motorsports.
2XS (Lenny and Lodi, now known as Idol) isn’t worried about Miss Hancock leaving them because they don’t need a stupid gimmick. They’ll take the titles tonight.
Tag Team Titles: 2XS vs. Mamalukes
The Italians are defending but get jumped in the aisle, which is becoming a very common trend in WCW. Tenay ignores talking about the match to plug DDP’s new book as Vito gets stomped down before he can even take the belt off. Cue Hancock for some gratuitous leg shots and a rare removal of the hair bun. My goodness that woman is beautiful. She hands some papers to the announcers and leaves which they can’t seem to understand. Idol DDTs Johnny but Disco breaks up the pin. Disco and Idol ram heads and Vito’s implant DDT is enough to retain. The match was a backdrop for Hancock’s paper delivery.
Crowbar hits Disco with a lead pipe and steals the belts.
Ernest Miller won’t say where James Brown is.
Gene calls out Ric Flair for a chat. Ric says it’s just like old times because he’s still the greatest wrestler, athlete and lover in the world. He isn’t pleased with ESPN for not naming him one of the greatest athletes of the century but would rather talk about what’s in the WCW Magazine he’s holding. It’s a list of the all time great WCW stars and Flair is #2, after Hulk Hogan. Flair beats up the magazine (makes sense for him) but here’s Dustin Rhodes. Dustin didn’t think much of Ric letting his son get beaten up on Monday when all David wanted to do was impress his dad. David is more grown up than Ric and those are fighting words.
Dustin Rhodes vs. Ric Flair
Flash back six years and this could be interesting. Rhodes takes over to start by stomping Flair into the corner and suplexing him down but a clothesline takes out the referee about twenty seconds in. A low blow puts Dustin down but he avoids a knee drop and puts Flair in the Figure Four. That earns him a Rolex to the face, giving Ric the pin.
Terry Funk makes the save but Lex Luger hits the ring to take out Dustin and rack Funk.
Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett
Winner gets the World Title shot at SuperBrawl. Scott gets in some shots to start but Jeff sends him outside for a beating from the Harris Twins. Ron’s clothesline gives Jeff two and we hit the sleeper/sleeper reversal sequence. Hall comes back with right hands and the fall away slam as the fans are WAY into Scott. Just like Monday, the referee makes sure to get right in the way of a flailing body, this time with Jeff’s legs as he’s taken up for the Outsider’s Edge. No count of course, allowing Jeff to pop up and hit the Stroke for three off second referee Mark Johnson.
Not so fast though as the first referee gets up and says restart it so Hall punches various people until a mic shot puts him down for two. Jarrett misses a belt shot and takes one to the face, but this time Johnson pulls Mickie Jay to the floor. Cue Sid and GOOD GRIEF JUST LET THERE BE A PIN. Hall Edges Johnson and Sid powerbombs Jarrett as the match is finally thrown out.
Rating: F+. It’s Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall. These two fought each other so many times over the years that they probably know how to have at least an average match through muscle memory, but we had run ins, ref bumps, refs fighting and weapons in a six and a half minute match. This is another case of “just let them wrestle”. It would make everyone’s lives so much easier, which is why it’s never going to happen.
Overall Rating: D-. This may not be the worst show ever, but it’s one of the laziest. However, they do seem to be making some headway with some of the stories. Luger and Flair as the new big bad is fine, even though I can’t imagine Hogan and Funk as partners taking them down. The NWO stuff is just killing this show though with the Twins as some of the least interesting lackeys I’ve ever seen. There’s some watchable stuff in there and if they would just find a better option for the main event and upper midcard, this would be a far more watchable company.
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Monday Nitro #226 Date: February 7, 2000
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Attendance: 6,358
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
We’re two weeks from SuperBrawl and most of the card is coming in clear. Unfortunately that means we can see what’s coming and therefore are all running for the hills before it kills us all. Hogan is back and seems to hate anyone young, Sid has been in back to back Thunder Caged Heat main events and Jeff Jarrett has power because Nash has disappeared. Fun times eh? Let’s get to it.
We open with the recap of last week, with the NWO adding the Harris Twins and then the completely unnecessary Caged Heat match on Thunder. What a great way to open the show.
The NWO has surprises for Sid and Funk. Nash is going to be back soon.
Here’s 3 Count for a performance (things are looking up) but they stop to allow a woman to get in the ring to dance with them. Disaster strikes though as the music messes up and they can’t lip sync. We cut to the production truck to see Norman Smiley screwing with things and now let’s have a match.
Norman Smiley vs. Evan Karagias
Madden is on Evan’s side because the internet marks like Smiley. I’m remembering why I can’t stand him. Evan quickly throws him outside but 3 Count tosses Norman back inside. Is this a mutiny already? Back in and Evan gets suplexed, only to counter the spanking dance into a faceplant. Shannon gets on the apron but Evan is whipped into him because 3 Count isn’t the brightest group of cats in the world. Evan’s rollup is reversed (with the referee stopping halfway through his count because it takes too long) into one from Norman for the fast pin.
Norman wants all three of them at SuperBrawl. You and every other teenage girl in the world Smiley.
Danny Hodge is here. He deserves better.
The announcers run down the card.
J. Biggs has cops search Booker’s bags and confiscate any Harlem Heat gear. This is so, so sad.
Flair and some women arrive.
Here’s the NWO with something to say. Hall won’t say Hey Yo so a Harris insults the crowd for being a bunch of morons. They’re kind of missing the point of having them be muscle. Ron actually calls this the Elite NWO. Steiner one ups that by calling himself the Purple Warrior. I really don’t want to know what that means.
Last week he saw a 53 year old man (meaning Flair, though he’s not quite that old) come out here and brag about how he’s still the man. Flair has a crooked nose and yellow teeth, so why didn’t they bring in the original Nature Boy Buddy Rogers? Steiner thinks it might be because he’s dead. Last week when Flair came down the aisle, everyone changed the channel to watch Stone Cold, a guy that Flair and his boys got fired from here. A lot of Steiner’s insults are censored but WCW SUCKS gets through.
Jarrett brings us back to reality by saying Mark Johnson will be referee during the Sid vs. Jarrett title match. Remember that he’s the referee that was paid off last week. The match will also be No DQ, which is probably the best option. Tonight it’s Hall vs. Sid in a non-title match, which doesn’t seem to please Hall.
So to recap, in the last five days, Hogan has said all the young guys are worthless and Steiner has said the fans change the channel when Flair comes on screen because they’re watching Steve Austin on Raw. These two are both going to be World Champion at some point in the year.
Booker says Biggs and company have taken his colors and music but they’ll never take his dignity. No Booker, I’m pretty sure they have.
David Flair is going to have an I Quit match against Terry Funk tonight and fight one of his dad’s battles for him.
Booker vs. The Wall
There are no flames for Booker’s entrance and he comes out to what sounds like the theme to Leave It To Beaver. Madden gets in a line clever enough that I’m sure he didn’t come up with it himself: Ice T. is now just Ice and Hulk Hogan is now immoral. Booker slugs away and hits a spin kick to start but charges into a boot in the corner.
Wall throws him outside and stomps on Booker as he gets back inside. Booker throws on a sleeper for a few seconds but Wall slams him down and goes up top, only to dive into a kick. There’s the ax kick and a Bookend but here’s J. Biggs to call Booker a criminal. In the distraction a chokeslam ends Booker.
Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying to push someone else. Wall may be a big, mostly talentless lug, but at least he’s someone new. I don’t have any faith in them to not screw up his push and turn it into a big waste, but at least it’s happening. However, the fact that it’s coming as part of this stupid story makes it even worse. But wait. It gets better.
Booker is arrested for assault and battery, reckless endangerment and attempted murder. I’ve sat through a lot of nonsense in WCW, but this is a rare care where it’s hard to watch. This is just so, so stupid.
Knobbs wants Finlay tonight. Jarrett says ok but that it’s Knobbs vs. Bigelow with Finlay as referee. Can we please get some fresh blood in this “division?”
Funk asks Anderson where he stands in the war with Flair. Anderson says he’ll answer after he sees how Funk does against David Flair.
Lane and Idol ask for a title shot again.
Tank Abbott vs. Barbarian
Barbarian is in a leather jacket because he’s a tough monster with a slick fashion sense. They slug each other, Abbott does a kind of slam and a big right hand ends Barbarian in a hurry.
Crowbar plays air guitar in front of Demon’s casket until Daffney calls him away.
Torrie with the KidCam.
Here’s Ed Ferrara, who has been put in charge of starting the women’s division. Those “adorable” women have no place in wrestling though so first up, they’ll all have to go through extensive medical tests, with Ferrara present for all of them. This brings out a Dr. Jeter, who has done procedures on a lot of women, including Madusa. Cue Madusa to kick both of them low. Yet another stupid waste of time.
Terry Taylor has talked to the executive committee. Mark Johnson will not be refereeing at SuperBrawl and tonight’s match is for the title. Speaking of wastes of time, these stipulations were announced less than an hour ago and now they’re changed. Such a great use of TV time.
We get clips from 1989 of Funk vs. Flair in the I Quit match.
David Flair vs. Terry Funk
I Quit. David sends Crowbar and Daffney to the back. Funk asks if David knows what he’s getting into and offers him a chance to go ahead and quit now. David will have nothing to do with that and hits Funk with a few chair shots to start. They head outside and it’s already table time but Terry whips him into the barricade.
Funk pulls back the mats for a piledriver….on the mats. To be fair he is crazy. David still won’t quit so he gets piledriven on the concrete. That gets the same result, followed by a piledriver through the table. A chair to the back knocks David out and Funk quits, but he won’t do the same against Ric. David, out cold, is the winner.
Rating: D+. I’ll give them some points for the violence and for the story they’re going with, but at the same time this is for a feud that started ten years ago and the best idea they’ve got is to just do it again. Total squash of course, but David better take some time off after a beating like that.
In the back, Arn yells at Ric for letting that happen. Ric needs to stop being Ric Flair and to start being David’s father. For once in his life, he’s bowing out, because that made him sick. Anderson is still the best talker in this company right now.
Stevie Ray vs. Disco Inferno
Disco tries to take him into the corner to start but gets slammed down. The announcers are officially calling Booker just Booker now as the Mamalukes and Big T. argue on the floor. Madden: “Didn’t this Biggs guy used to carry a tennis racket?” I’m not sure if that line is funny or not. Disco hits a quick Russian legsweep and the middle rope elbow for two but tries to steal the slapjack, allowing Stevie to hit the Slapjack for the pin. I guess Harlem Heat is coming for the belts again?
Jarrett thinks WCW is trying to rip the NWO apart but Hall laughs it off because the title will stay in the family either way.
Sid doesn’t care who he fights tonight because he’s outsmarted the NWO time after time. That’s one heck of an insult.
Flair rants about Arn being in over his head and leaves.
Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Knobbs is defending and has a broken wrist thanks to Luger. We see a clip of it being broken and they put January 31 instead of a simple last week. Finlay is guest referee again. Bigelow throws a trashcan at Knobbs to start and the champ is in early trouble. He whips Knobbs into the barricade and steps with Brian unable to use the bad arm to stop the impact. In for the first time with Knobbs hitting a ladder and having it fall on top of him. Knobbs makes a comeback but Finlay hits him with a chair, followed by a fast count to give Bigelow the title. Again, this is probably the most logical story in the promotion at the moment.
Ernest Miller brags about hanging out with James Brown and promises to have Brown on Thunder. Well, Brown kind of fits in with WCW as he’s old, but at least he’s still entertaining.
Steve Borden (yes Steve Borden) will be on the Late Show.
Billy Kidman vs. The Demon
This has to be a test for Kidman to see what kind of miracles he can pull off. Demon’s entrance is hyped up even more than usual here and we cut to the back to see Crowbar having a great time watching it. Demon eats a dropkick to start and tosses Kidman across the ring like he’s nothing. A legdrop and butterfly suplex (but a DEMONIC legdrop and DEMONIC butterfly suplex) get two for Demon but the fans are more interested in Torrie. Kidman’s Bodog gets two and Demon gets the same off a DDT. For some reason Demon goes up top, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him down for the pin. No miracle but watchable.
Luger comes to the ring, holding a Hogan chair.
Ready To Rumble is coming.
Jarrett tells the NWO they can’t answer the ringing phone.
Here’s Luger to discuss Hogan returning on Thunder. Hogan thinks he’s the best ever but Luger has won every title there is (except the WWF Title. Why not bring that up? They reference the WWF every chance they can) and is the future of professional wrestling. Jimmy Hart is ordered to come out to deliver Hogan a message, but Jimmy refuses.
Luger is just a Hogan wannabe because he’ll never sell as much merchandise or as many tickets as Hogan did. So Luger wants to talk about titles and Hogan’s lackey wants to talk about attendance records? Luger beats Hart up, Racks him and breaks his arm. I guess he’s not over Jimmy leaving him alone at Uncensored 1996. I wouldn’t want to be left alone there either.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall
Sid is defending and it’s already after 10pm so this isn’t going to last long. Vicious punches him down before the toothpick throw, messing up Hall’s mojo. The champ stays hyped with right hands in the corner and a chokeslam less than a minute in but there’s no cover. Hall pops up and slugs away before loading up the fall away slam. In the worst ref bump I’ve ever seen, the referee stands RIGHT BEHIND HALL so Sid is thrown into him, allowing Jarrett to come out. The Outsider’s Edge connects but Jeff guitars Hall, for wanting the pin. Either that or over Royal Rumble 1995 residuals. Sid is dragged on top to retain.
Rating: F. I was tempted to not rate this one as it was barely a match. This was just an angle disguised as a match as the NWO is splitting, assuming you considered Hall part of it in the first place. I’m assuming this sets up a three way at SuperBrawl, which has to be better than just Jarrett vs. Sid.
Overall Rating: D. They’re starting the build towards SuperBrawl and it’s one of the least interesting shows I’ve seen in a long time. The Sid vs. Jarrett feud is horrible and doing nothing to make me want to keep watching. Other than that we have the veterans seemingly shooting on the company and calling it out on all its screwups, despite being the focal points of the whole show. Really lame show this week but at least they seem to have a purpose now.
Thunder – December 9, 1999: Now With A-List Awful
Thunder Date: December 9, 1999
Location: Dane County Coliseum, Madison, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,953
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Juventud Guerrera
I can’t believe I’m saying this but there’s a slight chance this could be an interesting episode. On Nitro, Russo promised A-List stars on this show. Now given how things work around here, you could have Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan and the Rock in every segment and somehow WCW would manage to screw it up, but at least the stars would be more interesting. Let’s get to it.
Here are the Outsiders with a ladder to get things going. Hall sets it up and pretends to fall off, which would be funnier if Hall wasn’t a constant threat to have a major accident every five minutes. He knows Benoit is just in this match for the raise and knows he can’t handle a regular match, so he’s asked for it to be a ladder match. Benoit should go rent a tape of the ladder match with Shawn to see what he’s getting into.
Nash wants to talk about all the people around here with chips on their shoulders, including Sid. If Sid wants to walk around like a big man, Nash has a powerbomb waiting on him. This brings out Sid to say that he’s the man. Nash: “Is Vader booked?” Sid charges the ring and goes after Nash, knocking the ladder over in the process. He loads up Nash for the powerbomb but Hall nails him in the back with the ladder. Dustin Rhodes runs out for the save, drawing out Jeff Jarrett and Benoit with the bad guys getting the better of it and setting up a likely six man main event.
Tenay talks about Rhonda Singh getting a Cruiserweight Title shot tonight but Madusa comes out to say Singh isn’t a cruiserweight. Singh is getting a title shot over Madusa’s dead body. “Does this body look dead to you?” Well it’s certainly in need of support.
Juventud Guerrera and Psychosis come out with Juvi’s Rock impression getting SILENCE. Apparently Juvy is joining Tenay in the booth for the night. Oh good grief this is going to be a long night.
Nitro recap.
Dean Malenko vs. Booker T.
Well that’s better tha most matches we get on this show so maybe things are looking up. Maybe I should stop having false hope. Before the match, Shane Douglas challenges Jim Duggan to find three friends for an eight man tag at Starrcade. If the Revolution loses, they’ll be WCW’s janitors for a month, but if Duggan loses, he renounces his American citizenship. Well sure, why not. Malenko calls Dave Penzer a typical American and Saturn quotes Stripes.
Booker (with Stevie) nails Dean with a forearm and the ax kick to start but Dean pokes him in the eye and sends him outside. Saturn and Stevie get into it on the floor as Booker goes back inside for a spinebuster. Booker loads up another ax kick but Shane nails him in the head with the cast, setting up the Cloverleaf on the unconscious Booker for the quick win.
Duggan comes out to make the save, exciting Juvy WAY too much. Yeah the Revolution is getting more screen time, but it’s leading to a Jim Duggan match. That’s the disconnect with Russo: he knows how to make the buildup work, but the end result is usually a disaster.
Sid, Benoit and Rhodes jump Creative Control and Shane outside Russo’s office. After a break, the six man is made.
The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Vampiro
Iaukea comes out to a bunch of candles as we enter another Russo standard: giving someone a really lame character which is somehow better than the one they previously had but still stupid. Juvy calls Vampiro a jabroni for stealing the Juvy Driver. The bell rings and let’s cut to Oklahoma coming out instead of watching the openin…..maybe Oklahoma is the better option here.
We come back to the ring to see Prince blowing a kiss to Paisley (later known as Queen Sharmell) and superkicking Vampiro down. That’s nice and all, but let’s cut to Roddy Piper who is GETTING OUT OF A LIMO. Back to the ring with Vampiro whipping him into the barricade but heading back inside for a spinebuster from Prince. Oklahoma hits on Paisley as Vampiro lands on his feet out of a monkey flip and superkicks Prince for the pin. This match was less than two and a half minutes long and somehow squeezed in Oklahoma’s entrance, Oklahoma hitting on Paisely, Piper getting out of a limo and two superkicks.
Prince goes after Oklahoma post match and gets beaten up by Dr. Death.
Russo fires Mona for losing on Monday. Good. Go be the adorable Molly Holly and get to actually show off a bit instead. Rhonda Singh comes in and thanks Russo as Hennig and the twins snicker at her weight. She has a plan to get ratings. Could that plan be to have a boss who makes sure that every viewer knows that women are totally beneath him and how powerful he is over them? Oh and that Singh is fat and we should all laugh at her?
Roddy Piper and Nick Patrick have a chat for the sake of plot convenience. There’s a new ruling that says all referee decisions are final. When was this not the case?
Saturn and Stevie Ray fight in the back.
Goldberg/Bret Hart get a Tag Team Title shot tonight and don’t have much to say about it.
Rhonda Singh vs. Madusa
Evan Karagias is on commentary, so I guess the title match was dropped somewhere in the 40 minutes since it was announced. Singh shoves her down to start and runs her over with the power of fat. Evan uses pop lyrics to describe his feelings for Madusa, who avoids a middle rope splash. A quick middle rope dropkick knocks Singh down as Evan gets on the apron. Madusa kisses him but it’s just a distraction so Singh can miss a charge and knock Karagias off the apron, allowing Madusa to get a rollup pin.
Time for Singh’s big ratings ploy: stripping! Juvy loves it but the lights start flickering. You can see someone jumping Singh and knocking her out.
David Flair starts talking about his match in the Block (boiler room) with Jerry Flynn. He starts saying To Be The Man but cracks up instead.
We’re about halfway through the show. Total match time: 5:53.
Stevie nails Saturn with a Surge container.
David Flair goes to fight Flynn in the boiler room but runs into Buzzkill, who wants them to give peace a chance. David tries to hit him with the crowbar but Flynn takes him down. Cue Tank Abbott for the first time in about six and a half months to lay out Flynn. This was billed as a match, believe it or not.
Tag Team Titles: Goldberg/Bret Hart vs. Creative Control
Bret and we’ll say Gerald get things going with Hart hammering on the arm. The twins start double teaming to take over as the fans already want Goldberg. A clothesline gets a very quick two count from Slick Johnson, drawing in Roddy Piper for you “wrestling isn’t enough for you so here’s something else” entertainment. Goldberg comes in without a tag and cleans house with a spear, setting up a double finish with the Sharpshooter and Jackhammer to give us new champions.
Rating: D. Longest match of the night so far at three minutes and featured the illegal man getting the pin, a crooked referee, a replacement referee, and an argument between referees. Somehow that equals out to nothing to see here other than Russo’s favorite story: wacky partners about to fight at Starrcade. I believe this makes Hart the first Triple Crown Champion of two companies.
Post match Bret shakes Goldberg’s hand and says may the best man win at Starrcade.
Stevie and Saturn fight some more but Juvy says this doesn’t matter. Neither does most of this show, but at least it doesn’t matter with bigger names this week.
Saturn vs. Stevie Ray
Stevie starts fast with a corner clothesline but tries again and eats two boots to the face. Snake Eyes and a t-bone suplex set up a dropkick for two on Stevie but he comes back with a press slam. The referee breaks up a stomping in the corner, earning him a bump in the process. I can’t believe it but they managed to make it five whole matches before the first ref bump. Cue Creative Control to lay out Stevie, giving Saturn the cheap pin (with feet on the ropes like he should be doing).
Russo tells Piper that he’ll never work in this business again.
Sting doesn’t care about Diamond Dallas “Trash’s” (is he related to Hollywood Scum Hogan?) problems but approves of Liz. You stupid, stupid man.
Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell
Juvy on Luger: “That’s the juice!” DDP comes out for commentary as Buff grabs a headlock to start. Luger shrugs off some arm cranking but misses a clothesline and gets slammed twice. Bagwell kicks him low and gets two off a neckbreaker, sending Luger outside. Page: “I’m going to shoot my own angle.” He gets up and gets in a fight with Bagwell, drawing out the agents to break it up for the no contest. We’re still waiting on a match to break three minutes tonight (the Tag Title match was three minutes even).
Duggan asks Russo for a match tonight but is told no one cares about him.
Jim Duggan vs. Asya
ENOUGH OF THE MAN VS. WOMAN STUFF! It worked with Chyna but this has been old for weeks now. And no match as Creative Control, La Parka and Hennig run in to beat down Duggan. The Revolution comes out with hot dogs and pies to make it a big mess. Harlem Heat comes out for the save.
Benoit/Sid/Rhodes are ready for the main event.
Sting vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Liz is with Sting. Sting hits the Splash and has the Deathlock on in less than 30 seconds but Page makes the ropes. The referee is decked (with Page changing directions to hit him) 50 seconds in and here’s Luger to lay out Sting with the ball bat. Page adds a Diamond Cutter for the pin. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting can’t even make a minute and forty seconds.
Scott Hall/Kevin Nash/Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit/Dustin Rhodes/Sid Vicious
It’s a huge brawl to start with Jeff and Chris being the only ones left in the ring for a slugout. Benoit hits something like an Irish Curse before tagging in Rhodes, who is sent into Nash’s forearm. Kevin comes in for some knees in the corner before it’s off to Hall for some right hands.
That’s the extent of the offense from Hall on Thunder so he brings Nash in for a single clothesline before it’s back to Jarrett. Rhodes gets caught in a sleeper but suplexes his way out, setting up a double tag to the monsters. Everything breaks down and Sid clotheslines the Outsiders down. The powerbomb is broken up by a guitar shot and Nash pins Sid.
Rating: D-. Oh screw off WCW. This was the longest match of the night at a riveting four minutes and twelve seconds. They’re clearly setting up the next incarnation of the NWO with Hall/Nash/Jarrett and my goodness it’s not interesting. When the Outsiders are only in there for a handful of seconds each, why am I supposed to be interested in setting them dominate a company? Again?
Overall Rating: F-. Eight matches for a total time of 19:47. Do you know how hard it is to not have twenty minutes of wrestling in a two hour show? I can’t remember the last time Smackdown had eight matches on a card or at least one match breaking ten minutes. This company has decided to just not have wrestling on its shows and that’s not going to work for more than a few more weeks. Total disaster of a show here and one of the biggest wastes of time I can ever remember in wrestling. Well not really wrestling on this show but you get the idea.
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Monday Nitro – December 6, 1999: This Is Them Trying
Monday Nitro #217 Date: December 6, 1999 Location: Milwaukee Arena, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Attendance: 7,250
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
The big question this week is can WCW somehow manage to make the shows even less coherent than they already have. Last week’s show had its moments, but for the most part it was all over the place to the point where I can barely remember what happened just a week later. Starrcade is thirteen days away and we’ve barely touched on the card. We actually have a title match announced from Thunder as Bret will defend against Luger. Let’s get to it.
We open with Gene bringing out Jeff Jarrett for an interview. Jeff doesn’t need Slapnuts Okerlund and will do the interview himself. Jarrett also doesn’t need the Powers That Be or the Outsiders but he does need the WCW World Title. The fans start swearing at him and the attempted beeping out is laughably awful. He wants to get rid of Dustin Rhodes for screwing up his destiny and he’ll do it in a Bunkhouse Stampede match at Starrcade.
This brings him to Mike Tenay, who won’t come near him anymore. Jeff threatens Gene with a guitar shot but Tenay comes out and says he’ll take matters into his own hands. Jeff doesn’t care and puts Tenay in the Figure Four until Goldberg runs in for the save. Hopefully that ends the Tenay angle but I doubt it does.
The Mamalukes and Tony Marinara arrive with Tony yelling at them for letting Disco and Lash get the better of them. Tonight, they meet the boss.
Curt Hennig brings Curly Bill in to see Russo with a new gimmick in mind: Shane. Russo says it’s as bad as Vincent but at least he’s thinking. Shane is hired. Hey, I’m not sure if you knew this, but there are people named Vince and Shane in the WWF. It’s not clear why mentioning them is supposed to be amusing or entertaining, but those people do in fact exist. Rhonda Singh comes in and asks for an opportunity.
Fit Finlay has Brian Knobbs in the woods, training him to be a REAL hardcore wrestler. This has potential, but Norman would be far more entertaining.
Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Rhonda Singh
What is the deal with Russo having men fight women? It happens almost every week. Before the match, Smiley says he would take Finlay apart if he was here tonight. The fat jokes begin as Singh throws weapons into the ring and nails Norman with a trashcan. She tells him to be a man and hits another trashcan shot, followed by a splash in the corner. Norman comes back with a fire extinguisher blast and sends Singh face first through a table in the corner to retain.
Rating: F. I feel sorry for women who sign up with WCW, thinking they might be able to do something serious on the show. Instead, they’re there so Russo can either have them treated as sex objects or there to be fat and stupid. As usual, this show is Russo’s playground and the idea of it being anything resembling a wrestling show is purely coincidental.
Maestro is complaining that his piano is out of tune. He looks inside so David Flair can come up, slam the lid on his head, and kidnap Symphony. This is the stupid stuff that is dragging this show down. We’ve spent about a month explaining that David Flair is a psycho who keeps kidnapping/stalking women, and NO ONE HAS DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT. On top of that, this doesn’t seem to be leading to a match or any kind of storyline resolution, but it keeps happening week after week like a bad TV show. If it sets up a match then fine, but stop wasting my time otherwise.
Psychosis and La Parka are in Russo’s office. Apparently Juvy has hurt his arm and can’t defend the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title in his rematch against Liger tonight. One of the two of them will take Juvy’s place, and it’s going to be whoever gets out of the office first. Psychosis nails Parka and leaves first. This is what Vince Russo thinks of cruiserweights.
Luger comes up to Liz’s door with champagne and says this is the night that defines their careers.
Disco and Lash invade Marinara’s dressing room with promises of pizza.
IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title: Psychosis vs. Jushin Thunder Liger
This is the second time in a year that Psychosis is defending a title he didn’t win. Feeling out process to start with Liger taking over with a headscissors. A backdrop sends Psychosis to the floor but let’s stop to look at Buzzkill in the crowd. Liger nails a plancha but Psychosis snaps his throat across the top for a breather.
Psychosis hits a missile dropkick for two and yells at Charles Robinson for the near fall. Back to the floor with Liger being whipped into the barricade, setting up a top rope hurricanrana to give Psychosis two back inside. A quick Liger Kick stuns Psychosis and Liger throws him into the ropes for a crash. Out of nowhere, a majistral cradle gives Liger the title back.
Rating: C. The fans didn’t care, but a lot of that is likely due to most of them not being familiar with Liger or the title. Both Liger and the title have been thrown out there two weeks in a row with no real explanation of who they are or why they’re here. I’m sure some fans remember Liger from his occasional appearances, but the majority seem to think of him as just another guy fighting for a title that isn’t the Cruiserweight belt.
La Parka chairs Psychosis post match to make sure Liger gets zero focus.
The Nitro Girls play cards when the Mamalukes come in and make it a strip poker game.
Liz will have nothing to do with Luger’s apologies.
Maestro looks for Symphony.
Gene keeps staring at Mona’s chest, prompting Mona to say she’s more than T&A, unlike Madusa.
Evan Karagias vs. Mona vs. Madusa
If either girl wins, they get a title shot at Evan at Starrcade. If Evan wins, he gets Starrcade off. The girls shove Evan away and go at it themselves with Madusa kicking her in the face for two. Evan sits in on commentary because EVERY MATCH NEEDS COMMENTARY. Mona comes back with a cross body and missile dropkick but Evan throws her down, only to get small packaged by Madusa for the pin in like 80 seconds.
Jeff Jarrett comes out and guitars Madusa because men beating up women is funny right? He challenges Goldberg for later.
Lash and Disco have tied Tony up and promise him a surprise.
Liz pours champagne on Luger’s head.
Maestro is still looking for Symphony and doesn’t notice when he walks past David.
Vampiro and Jerry Only are going to take out Dr. Death tonight.
Oklahoma/Steve Williams vs. Vampiro/Jerry Only
Oklahoma has a wireless mic on, no shirt, and is going to call the match as he starts with Vampiro. To the shock of no one, Oklahoma runs away from the threat of violence and tags in Dr. Death for some three point tackles. We hit the spinning toehold before it’s back to Oklahoma, who can’t do the same hold. Vampiro comes back with a kick to the head, which makes me smile far more than it should.
Off to Williams vs. Only with Jerry getting caught in the running press slam. Oklahoma gets in a chair shot to Jerry as Williams hits the Stampede but pulls Vampiro up. That goes well for Vampiro as he superkicks Williams down, only to have Oklahoma nail him with a boot. Williams clotheslines Vampiro down and it’s off to Oklahoma for a bottom rope elbow and the pin.
Rating: F. The unfunny parody beats the wrestler the fans want to see in a match where the musician doesn’t have to look bad. It’s another case of WCW having no idea how their priorities should work and the show being about making the writers laugh instead of delivering what the fans might want to see.
The Nitro Girls cheat to beat the Mamalukes in the poker game.
Disco and Lash get ready to tar and feather Marinara. In the middle, Disco draws what looks to be a Hitler mustache on Tony.
The Outsiders are ready for their matches tonight.
WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Total Package
This is the opener of the second hour because the REAL main events are still to come. The champ jumps Luger during the removal of the pants and takes the fight outside. Hart goes after the back and then the knee as we continue this brief resurrection of the old Bret Hart style. Luger goes after the eyes for an escape and here are Sting and Liz. Sting yells at Liz and asks who she’s going to represent. The distraction lets Bret hit a quick Russian legsweep followed by the Sharpshooter to retain.
Rating: D. I love seeing Bret work the body parts like he did in the old days, but can we get a World Title match to close the show instead of giving it less time than the Oklahoma match? I’m sure I just don’t get the appeal of the comedy stylings of Oklahoma and that I’m over thinking the importance of the WCW World Heavyweight Championship, which has been reduced to a plot point in the Sting vs. Luger feud.
Here’s the Hennig/Shane/Singh segment from earlier. Not a repeat mind you, but the same segment which is presented like first run footage.
Russo offers La Parka the position of Chairman, meaning he’s supposed to chair anyone that stands in front of Russo. Harlem Heat comes in and are given a title shot at Starrcade, but La Parka nails Booker with a chair and Creative Control comes in for the beatdown.
Roddy Piper is here. Tonight he’s refereeing Creative Control vs. Roddy Piper. That’s not a typo.
David Flair talks to the voices in his head as Symphony wonders why she took this job.
Jerry Flynn issues an open challenge for the Block.
Asya vs. Midnight
These two might be the exception to Russo’s horrible treatment of women. The Revolution is now in full black attire with Shane ranting about how people tell him he can’t desecrate the flag. The fans’ chants have to be censored again and it’s another failure. Shane displays the Revolution flag and Saturn says they’re like the Black Panthers. The far bigger Midnight attacks to start and gets two off a dropkick. Asya gets two off a suplex but gets caught in Ricky Steamboat’s double chicken wing. A delayed vertical suplex gets two for Midnight but the Revolution comes in for the quick no contest.
Jim Duggan comes out for the save but gets beaten down and covered with the Revolution flag.
Larry Zbyszko talks to Mike Graham about an upcoming meeting with Russo and company.
We get the return of the Nitro Party tapes, but this one includes a “fan” (soon to be known as Daffney), saying that David Flair is really cool.
Creative Control vs. Roddy Piper
Piper is guest referee. Before the match, they have to do everything he says. Why don’t they have to do everything he says during the match as well? Or am I looking too deeply into this. Piper pats them both down and grabs one’s crotch (Piper: “I’m having a ball!”). This is an I Quit match, so the first rule is you win by making someone say they quit. The second rule is a kick between one of the twins’ legs, followed by the bell ringing.
Piper’s hand lock has no effect so the twins hit a pair of double gutbusters. Piper won’t give up so they load up a spike piledriver, drawing out Goldberg for the save. He botches the Jackhammer as Piper chokes the other one with a tie to win. So Bryan stole it from Piper? Also, nice job of having the Tag Team Champions lose.
Tony Marinara is tarred and feathered. He offers threats of his father.
The Mamalukes offer a winner take all hand in the poker game.
Maestro finds Symphony’s shoe.
Dustin Rhodes vs. Meng
Meng vs. Smiley for the Hardcore Title is announced for Starrcade. I’ll skip Meng no selling the offense and get to the meat of the “match”: Jarrett runs in, Meng is sent to the floor, Outsiders run in, Meng no sells a guitar shot, Nash kicks Meng to the floor and powerbombs Rhodes. This has been another non-match.
Larry is in Russo’s office. Russo: “Why does Thunder suck now?” Well at least someone finally said it. Larry blames it on the lack of A-list stars on the show, so Russo says they’ll be there from now on. He’s firing the announcer though. This makes Larry insult Hennig because the script says he should, setting up a loser leaves town match for later with Zbyszko vs. Hennig. If Larry wins, Russo is gone but if Curt wins, Larry is gone.
Prince Iaukea is now dressed as the Artist Formerly Known As Prince.
Curt Hennig vs. Larry Zbyzsko
Larry comes out to the Nitro theme but Hennig has Shane with him. This is quite the showdown. Larry starts (on time!) with his basic wrestling stuff and gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. The referee goes down and Hennig starts a comeback (a minute and a half into the match) with knee lifts and an abdominal stretch. Larry counters the PerfectPlex into his guillotine choke but Shane makes the save. Cue Arn Anderson to lay out both bad guys (I guess that’s the closest thing we’ll get to an Enforcers reunion), giving Larry the surprise pin.
Rating: O. For oh of course it’s not going to stand. The match was nothing to see of course but that’s what you have to expect these days. The only other note here: people often forget Larry’s age. He turned 46 the day before this match and was still in good shape so it wasn’t the biggest stretch. It’s weird to think of him in his mid 40s when he was the old veteran during the NWO’s heyday.
Creative Control comes out and shows Robinson the replay so the finish is reversed, meaning Larry is gone.
Disco and Lash put an apple in Marinara’s mouth. The Mamalukes see this, throw on their clothes, and go after them.
Chris Benoit vs. Kevin Nash
Hall, carrying a ladder, comes out with Nash and sits in on commentary. Nash takes Benoit into the corner to start and elbows him in the head. As Nash walks around, Hall sits on top of the ladder for a better view. Benoit stomps him down in the corner and cannonballs onto Nash’s leg. They head to the floor with Nash no selling the leg work and sending Benoit into the steps. Back in and the side slam gets two for Nash (Hall: “SUCK ON THAT BENOIT!”) but Chris dropkicks the knee out and cranks on the leg.
Benoit slugs away in the corner but charges into a boot to the face. There go the straps and Hall gets off the ladder, only to see Benoit slap on the Crossface. Hall decks the referee and throws in the ladder but Benoit dropkicks it into Nash’s face. A cross body off the ladder puts Hall down and Benoit hammers away until Nash gets up with the Jackknife. Hall loads up the Edge onto the ladder until Sid comes out to make the save. No contest.
Rating: C-. I liked this better than I was expecting to. Nash is underrated as a big power guy as he can make his offense look damaging while also having someone like Benoit break him down. This wasn’t a great match and of course got bogged down by all the nonsense, but I had a better time with it than I was expecting to.
Sting tells the Outsiders to bring it.
Here are the Mamalukes to call out Disco and Lash but gets the girls from the club last week. Vito rants about how he didn’t want to sleep with them, but Disco and Lash sneak up on them and attack. This brings out the tarred and feathered Tony Marinara to nail them with a pipe, allowing the Mamalukes to take them away.
The Mamalukes throw Disco and Lash into a car but the car drives off without them. What
is Russo’s obsession with this story? It gets as much airtime as anything else on the show.
Maestro staggers into the boiler room to find Symphony but gets beaten up by Jerry Flynn. So Jerry is the modern day Mankind? Jerry goes to a door, finds David and Symphony, and eats a crowbar to the face.
Nick Patrick says everyone is banned from ringside unless they have business out there because it’s time for the referees to take power back. Normally I would complain about aline like that but a lot more structure around here would be an incredibly welcome sight.
Liz has a contract in her hands.
Scott Hall vs. Sting
Non-title, which might have something to do with Hall not bringing the belt with him. Liz comes out with Sting and Nash jumps in on commentary. Hall finds the toothpick throw hilarious but Sting would rather hit him in the face to take over. They quickly head outside with Nash choking Sting with a cord, allowing Hall to get in some cheap shots.
Back in and we hit the abdominal stretch on Sting, followed by a sleeper so neither guy has to do much other than stand there. A belly to back suplex finally gets Sting out and he slugs away, including ten punches in the corner. Sting gets all the way up to twenty but Scott pokes him in the eye for a breather. Liz gets on the apron to pepper spray Hall, setting up the Deathlock for the submission.
Rating: D. I guess it helps that Hall didn’t lose clean, but maybe you could like, not have a champion lose on TV. It was nice to have something resembling a clean match until the ending, which felt tacked on, but somehow that’s an upgrade in the Russo era. To be fair though, at least the title doesn’t mean anything these days anyway so it can’t be hurt too badly.
Here’s David Flair to his dad’s music and holding Symphony by the hair. Maestro has ten seconds to come out here and get her, but here’s Page instead. A crowbar shot misses and Page lays him out with a Diamond Cutter before telling the Powers That Be to make this a pay per view match. Oh and contrary to rumors, he’s NOT going to the WWF because he’s loyal to what brought him here. Thanks for that totally unnecessary name drop, but to be fair they are closing the ratings gap. Last week they lost by 3.4 points and this week it would only be 3 even, meaning Raw doubled Nitro up. Page calls out Sid and their match is on.
Sid Vicious vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Sid shoves him out to the floor to start and drops Page throat first across the barricade. Back in and Page grabs a quick neckbreaker but Sid launches him off at two. A top rope clothesline puts Sid down again but he breaks up the Diamond Cutter by, say it with me, knocking Page into the referee. There’s the powerbomb to Page but the Outsiders run in for the beatdown. This brings out Benoit to help fight back but Jeff Jarrett comes in for the save until Bret Hart runs in to make it even. Page walks out and the match is a no contest because of course it is.
As everyone brawls, Nick Patrick grabs the mic and says the referees and security haven’t been in charge all night so the main event can be a lumberjack match because they’re out of here. So yeah, they’re not even trying to call it wrestling anymore as there won’t be any referees. It hasn’t been a wrestling show in weeks so it’s nice to see them finally confirm it.
Back from a break with the Outsiders, Jarrett and now Creative Control still destroying everyone until Goldberg comes out for the save. The four good guys stand tall and Jarrett says no way, so here’s Roddy Piper to say he’ll referee and everyone else can be lumberjacks. Jeff tries to leave again so the Green Bay Packers show up to stop him, allowing Dustin Rhodes to throw him back in.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Goldberg
A big shoulder gets two for Goldberg and he starts hammering Jeff in the face. Jeff tries to jump over him in the corner but gets caught in a powerslam as this is one sided so far. Jarrett rolls outside and gets beaten up by the lumberjacks. He rolls back inside and gets caught in an armbar, so it’s right back to the lumberjacks. Everyone outside gets in a brawl so Jeff sneaks in a chair to take over behind Piper’s back. A high cross body gets two for Jeff and it’s time for the sleeper as the fight has finally calmed down.
Goldberg fights up and slams out of the sleeper because he’s Goldberg and it was just a sleeper. Both guys collide and go down, which looks way off as you wouldn’t expect Goldberg to go down off a Jeff Jarrett shoulder block. Piper counts to ten without anyone getting up and nothing changes as a result. Nash grabs Goldberg’s foot to break up the spear and pulls him to the floor for a beatdown. In the melee, Bret brings the belt in and nails Jarrett (mostly off camera), setting up the Jackhammer for the pin.
Rating: D+. Well they tried. This match was the attempt to make Jeff Jarrett seem like a legitimate main event guy but it really didn’t work. The insanity of the match held it down because we can’t just have Goldberg and Jarrett have a match where Jeff outsmarts him before falling to the Jackhammer, but that might be asking for too much.
Overall Rating: D. This show was all over the place, as has become WCW’s custom. First and foremost, what is with the obsession over the mafia story? That angle got more time than anything else all night with David Flair and the Maestro in second place. The wrestling was what you would expect from WCW with the longest match not even breaking eight minutes. There’s stuff going on for sure, but you have to take notes to remember why people are doing what they’re doing with only thirteen days left until Starrcade. Oh and Thunder sucks and is apparently going to be a plot point going forward. How nice.
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Monday Nitro #214 Date: November 15, 1999 Location: Barton Coliseum, Little Rock, Arkansas Attendance: 10,435
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
It’s the go home show for Mayhem so tonight we get the tournament down to the final four. The big question this week though is what genre of direct to video movie are we getting? Last week it was thriller with Kimberly vs. David Flair, mixed in with the comedy of Kevin Nash as the Grand Wizard. Heaven help me but let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
There’s a cage over the ring. Of course there is.
Norman Smiley vs. Jimmy Hart
Hardcore, meaning Smiley comes out in football pads and Jimmy in…..a suit of armor. Well that’s kind of Genius of him. Jimmy brings in some weapons and actually doesn’t die at first because Norman can’t see through his helmet. The weapons shots have no effect on Hart so Norman just takes him down by the legs. Hart comes back with some powder to the face and Norman has to take the helmet off to cry.
The fans loudly chant NORMAN, but I’m sure that’s just because of the weapons and not the effort or comedic skills he’s displaying right? Jimmy gets in some weapons shots but Norman gets up, drawing out Knobbs with a chair to the head. Brian loads up a table but Jimmy misses a dive through it, giving Norman the easy pin.
Rating: D+. This is one of those matches where the guys tried and were having fun, but they firmly hit the roof of what they were capable of doing. It doesn’t help that this is to set up the epic showdown between Knobbs and Smiley, when it seems like there’s something entertaining in having Hart as a hardcore guy if you keep him in the armor.
Knobbs beats Smiley down post match.
Here are the tournament brackets.
Bret Hart
Kidman
Total Package
Sting
Chris Benoit
Scott Hall
Buff Bagwell
Jeff Jarrett
If Curt Hennig can beat Goldberg tonight, he gets a new contract. And what stops the Powers That Be from saying he’s fired from that one if he loses?
Kimberly talks to Terry Taylor. Why is she in the building after last week?
Tonight, Nash is dressed like Sid, complete with some pretty good prosthetic makeup. Well at least he isn’t Slick.
AC Jazz is out of the Nitro Girls so Fyre and Tygress jump Spice. Next.
Here are the Outsiders with Nash as Sid, with a chin that is far bigger than the real version. Keeping in mind that Sid is from Arkansas, the fans aren’t thrilled with this. Nash says he rules the world about five times but stops to remind us that he’s stupid. Cue Sid, who has had enough of these two. We get the famous line of “you are only half of the man that I am, and I have half the brains that you do” which has Hall nearly doubled over in laughter. Sid is already in a match tonight, but he wants to get Nash out of retirement on top of that. Nash says no so Sid calls him a shell of his former self and Nash says……nothing.
Tonight, Booker has to face Creative Control, officially named Gerald and Patrick. Why having the Harris Twins have the same names as the Stooges is supposed to be funny isn’t clear but I’m sure Russo gets a chuckle out of it. Booker says Midnight will strike.
Kimberly tries to see the Powers That Be but the Twins stop her.
Post break, Kimberly is in the Powers’ office and Russo puts her in a match with Asya. There’s going to be a special referee.
Nash comes into Russo’s office.
Booker T. vs. Creative Control
Before he can get to the ring, Booker is stopped by Chavo for an Amway pitch. After that comedy spot goes nowhere, Booker goes after we’ll say Patrick but gets whipped into Gerald’s boot. Tony stops talking about the match to say the Powers That Be have rescinded Nash’s retirement stipulation. Tony: “It was a lame angle anyway.” Every show I watch, I understand Cornette’s rantings and ravings just a bit more.
The Twins start double teaming him and take it outside where Booker can only fight one at a time. Back in and Booker manages a dropkick to put both guys down, setting up the ax kick and a missile dropkick for two with Gerald making a save. The H Bomb gets the pin on Booker a few seconds later.
The gong strikes and Midnight appears to knock out both Twins. This is after she got laid out by Jarrett last week so the effect isn’t all there.
Post break, Russo threatens to make Creative Control into bikers again. They’re banished to go find the luchadors and Torrie.
Evan Karagias vs. Johnny Boone
Yes referee Johnny Boone who is wrestling in jeans here. Madusa comes out with Karagias, who gets jumped as the bell rings. Evan easily shoves him back because he’s a referee as Madusa goes to commentary. They slowly go after each other because Boone, while a trained wrestler, isn’t much above average and that leaves Evan Karagias to carry things. Boone gets a boot up in the corner so Madusa rams his face into her cleavage. He’s out cold and Evan gets the easy pin. Keep in mind that Evan is challenging for the Cruiserweight Title this Sunday and this is his big warmup.
Madusa kisses Evan post match.
Russo has a bunch of luchadors in his face and makes them a deal: he’s going to put a $10,000 check inside a pinata and hang it from a pole. As luck would have it, Juvy is carrying a pinata. They’ll all be given a stick to hit each other with too. You can see the lawsuits from here.
Dr. Death Steve Williams and Ed Ferrara as JR show up.
Creative Control keeps looking for Torrie.
Villano V vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. El Dandy vs. Silver King vs. Psychosis
It’s a brawl to start and the pinata falls down fifteen seconds in. King moonsaults onto Dandy as Williams and Ferrara come to ringside. Ferrara gets on commentary and does his JR impression, listing off football stats, telling Tony to speak in soundbytes and shouting PINATA over and over. Juvy gets the pinata (PINATA! PINATA!) but the match just keeps going with the camera on Ferrara. Guerrera does the elbow drop and shakes the pinata as candy flies everywhere. Dr. Death gets in the ring and beats everyone up for the no contest, after almost everyone had the pinata at one point.
Rating: F. Well let’s see. It was a bunch of racial stereotypes, the pinata didn’t last twenty seconds, Juvy didn’t win for no explained reason, the sticks didn’t go anywhere, it was all about Dr. Death cleaning house at the end, and they spent the entire match ripping on JR after ripping on Sid earlier, Grand Wizard last week and Vince the week before. Pick any two of those reasons and you’ll get why this is a failure.
Dr. Death takes the check from King as the bell rings roughly 857 times.
Goldberg doesn’t care about anything.
Nash is back in his usual clothes and says he took some time off when WCW sucked. Now that Hall is back, things are fun again. Well of course it is. He barely has to do anything but comedy and gets a huge check. Pay no attention to the company, and therefore the checks, dying before his eyes.
Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig
Goldberg is coming out of his locker room when Hennig slams the door on his head. Unlike Flair with the WarGames door, Goldberg no sells it and they brawl in the back with Goldberg getting the better of it. They fight to the aisle and the bell rings with Hennig getting knocked to ringside and looking like he’s running scared.
Curt finally gets in some knees to the head as they go inside. The Robinsdale Crunch sets up a stepover toehold for well over a minute, with the referee ignoring Goldberg’s shoulders being down the entire time. Goldberg finally punches him in the face and puts on a leg bar for the submission, meaning Hennig keeps his job.
Rating: D. So Hennig can lose by anything but pin and keep his job. Why would the Powers That Be want to keep him around if he never wins because he keeps submitting or getting counted out? This was another of those mostly hardcore matches which don’t make people care because it doesn’t last five minutes and it’s part of a story that makes no sense.
Kimberly is on the phone with Page when the lights flicker. She panics at the fear of bad writing but Jim Duggan comes up with a flashlight and says the fuses in this place are horrible. I hate to admit it, but this was kind of funny. Ignore the fact that Jim Duggan apparently has a working knowledge of the fuses in an arena in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Creative Control tells the Filthy Animals that they’re fired if they don’t produce Torrie. The Animals heed the threat and go find her. Wait why isn’t she with them in the first place?
Chavo Guerrero sells Duggan some fuses.
Vampiro/Misfits vs. Berlyn/The Wall
The Misfits almost have to be better than the Clowns. The Bodyguard is officially the Wall, which is more punny delight. Three are three Misfits and one is named Jerry Only. Berlyn goes after Vampiro to start and sends him flying with a belly to belly. He misses a dropkick though and it’s off to the Misfits vs. the Wall. The trio is chokeslammed with ease but Vampiro comes in and kicks the Wall in the face.
The fans are way behind Vampiro here but Berlyn kicks him down, setting up a missile dropkick/suplex combo but the Germans argue over the pin. Wall steps aside so Vampiro can hit a quick Nail in the Coffin but Berlyn counters a top rope hurricanrana into a powerbomb. This time it’s Wall breaking up the pin but Vampiro breaks it up, only to eat a chokeslam for the pin.
Rating: D+. Most of that is because Wall hit some good looking chokeslams and the Misfits were little more than cannon fodder. This might have been the most logical match of the Russo Era so far with Berlyn getting annoyed at Wall for taking the glory, even though Berlyn is a waste of a roster spot at this point. Wall looks like someone they could push as someone interesting, meaning he’s doomed from here.
Berlyn whips Vampiro post match.
Torrie has been brought to the Powers’ office and Russo throws her a referee bikini, because “it’s all about the ratings.” Why did he have one of those handy?
TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Sid Vicious
Rick is defending even though he didn’t bring the belt with him. We continue a running theme tonight with the guys brawling in the aisle but this time Sid is sent over the barricade and into the crowd. Steiner slams him down on the concrete but Sid fights back, only to put on something like a chinlock near the stage. That goes nowhere so Rick is dragged up to the stage for a low blow, setting up a powerbomb through the stage. Sid walks away and they never actually got into the ring. No match it would seem.
Post break, Rick is taken out on a stretcher. This goes on for the better part of ten minutes and Sid rambles about not wanting to do this to his friend. He’s ready for Nash tonight.
Nash is taping up.
We go to the boiler room for Jerry Flynn vs. Barbarian in something resembling a match. Remember when Mankind and Undertaker did this? Or Big Show and Mankind? Well now it’s Jerry Flynn beating up Barbarian, kicking him up against the wall and I guess knocking him out. Tony brags about how great this is going to be for the ratings and how it’s going to make people watch the show.
Benoit says Scott Hall isn’t standing in the way of getting to the World Title.
Asya vs. Kimberly
Torrie is guest referee and wearing a bikini. Well at least they’re not hiding what they’re doing anymore. Asya and Torrie get in a lame catfight until Kimberly jumps on Asya’s back with a sleeper. The Animals come out to cover Torrie up and get her out of there. Cue David Flair with the crowbar and wearing a referee shirt, sending Kimberly running off. David and Asya fight with David shrugging off a low blow but the Revolution comes out to clear the ring. So a minute long non match had two guest referees (I guess?), and I believe five people interfering?
Sting is given some flowers with a card from Luger. Liz and Luger are shown hoping that he likes them, but Sting doesn’t think he can trust them.
Goldberg has a chilled beverage.
Kimberly runs from David.
WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Chris Benoit vs. Scott Hall
Bret Hart comes out to be in Benoit’s corner to counter Nash. So he’s Hogan to Nash’s Andre? Hall throws the toothpick at him and finds it hilarious. That earns him some fluid from Benoit’s nose and they trade some arm holds. Now Hall wants the test of strength, only to pock Benoit in the eye. That’s fine with Chris who trips Hall down and dropkicks him in the side of the head.
The Outsiders have a breather on the floor as this might be the longest match we’ve seen in Russo’s Era without any shenanigans. Back in and they trade chops in the corner with Benoit taking over and getting two off a snap suplex. Nash can’t help it any longer and nails Benoit in the back of the neck, allowing Scott to nail a clothesline for two. Scott gets into his routine and the fall away slam is good for two.
We hit the sleeper on the Canadian but Chris suplexes out to put both guys down. Benoit fights up and plants Hall with a backbreaker before dropkicking him to the floor. Nash goes after Benoit but Hart makes the save. In the melee, Sid comes in and powerbombs Hall, setting up the Swan Dive for two. Nash makes another save but Benoit Crossfaces Hall to go to Mayhem.
Rating: B-. Here’s the interesting thing about the match and the key to the whole idea: the fans reacted when Sid came in and laid Hall out. Now why is this time different from all the other matches ending with interference? For me it’s one simple reason: they allowed the match to build up before doing the angle. The only thing out of the ordinary was a single clothesline from Nash, which is minor by comparison. It’s a good match on its own and the angle is far more acceptable when they have a good build to get there. This is the Russo style that worked in the WWF because it had the time to work, though that’s not the case in WCW.
Bagwell says Jarrett isn’t going over him.
WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Bret Hart vs. Kidman
Rey gets in on commentary. Bret takes him down with an elbow to the back of the head and nails a hard clothesline as this is looking one sided so far. Kidman slips out of a slam so Bret catapults him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and a Bodog gets two on Bret but we’ve got Outsiders. They hit on the robed Torrie but Eddie goes over for the save as Rey cheers him on from commentary. Back inside, Bret counters a hurricanrana into the Sharpshooter.
Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but at least Bret didn’t crush Kidman. It also helped that they kept things moving quick enough and the interference didn’t really change much. Mysteiro was kind of a jerk but the Animals are the worst face group in the history of wrestling so it’s understandable.
Luger and Liz get some brownies. We’re approaching bad sitcom territory.
Jeff Jarrett is the chosen one.
WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell
They fight on the floor with Buff taking over and heading inside. Bagwell uses his standard offense including a good dropkick and an atomic drop until Creative Control comes out for a distraction. It doesn’t work immediately though as Buff nails a powerslam, but the referee stops to tie his shoe. Creative Control comes in and breaks up the Blockbuster, only to have Buff nail the other with Jeff’s guitar. The referee just can’t stop looking at his shoes though and Jeff nails the Stroke for the pin from the suddenly alert referee.
Jeff and the referee hug because we needed an angle on a match that didn’t break 130 seconds. Dustin Rhodes comes out for the save and celebrates with the loser.
Goldberg headbutts a Surge machine and gets a free drink.
Liz and Luger put laxatives in the brownies.
The Revolution is ready for the House of Pain match, but Saturn wants to talk about Everlast boxing gear and the music video for Jump Around. Saturn asks Dean to jump for him and staring abounds. I could get into this new character.
Duggan intercepts the brownies and says he deserves something like this.
Eddie Guerrero/Konnan vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko
This is a House of Pain match, meaning it’s inside a cage and you win by handcuffing both opponents to the ropes. Saturn superkicks Konnan before he can get inside, leaving Eddie to get double teamed. Tony cuts Heenan off and goes on a rant about internet marks thinking they can do his job. Oh I don’t know Tony. I’ve seen a lot of internet marks that can sound every bit as stupid as you do.
The Revolution double teams Guerrero in the corner and pretty easily gets him most of the way chained up. Konnan comes in with some shots of his own but eats a spike piledriver. They complete shackling Eddie and Konnan gets the same just a few seconds later. Total time of a pretty big gimmick match like this: 2:57.
Rey comes in and gets laid out by a clothesline from Asya. The Revolution hangs him upside down from the top of the cage by the knee, allowing Malenko and Saturn to just destroy Rey’s leg. His next match won’t be until May. Well that explains why he didn’t help Eddie earlier.
WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Total Package vs. Sting
The winner gets Bret on Sunday. Luger (the announcers have forgotten the whole DON’T CALL HIM LEX LUGER schtick already) hides in the corner to start as he thought Sting would eat the brownies. Sting kicks him in the allegedly injured leg and stomps Lex down in the corner to take over. He takes it to the floor and stays on the leg (Luger: “HELP ME BOBBY!”) before Lex gets inside to hide in the corner. An atomic drop does nothing to Sting but a clothesline gives Luger his first advantage.
Tony starts talking about how Sting and Luger have been friends for years in this sport before correcting himself by calling it a business. The Stinger Splash connects but Luger trips the referee while in the Scorpion. Liz maces Sting and the Torture Rack goes on, only to have Meng come out for a Tongan Death Grip (revenge for getting maced last week) to Luger. Meng puts Sting on top to send him to Mayhem.
Rating: D-. I’m getting tired of giving these matches the same grades over and over but they keep being the same bad, only slightly watchable matches with some kind of interference and overbooked finishes. This was in the same category as it wasn’t long enough to go anywhere but the guys know each other well enough to sleepwalk to a few acceptable moments.
Here are the final four:
Bret Hart
Sting
Chris Benoit
Jeff Jarrett
Jim Duggan feels the effects of the brownies.
Kevin Nash vs. Sid Vicious
Street fight. As has been the case almost all night, they start brawling in the aisle with Nash taking it into the crowd and hitting Sid low. They head back over the barricade and Nash hits the framed elbows in the corner. A quick clothesline sends Sid to the floor but he hits Nash low to take over again.
Back in and Sid slams Nash down and drops a leg for two. A leg between Nash’s legs is our third low blow in four minutes. Sid calls for the powerbomb as the fans call for Goldberg. Cue Hall to break up the powerbomb and the Outsiders go after Sid. Goldberg comes out to clean house and the bell rings for a no contest in a street fight.
Rating: D-. So now we can’t even get a finish in a match designed to not have a clean finish? I guess we’re setting up some kind of a tag match in the future, but that hasn’t been announced for Mayhem or any other show. On top of that, it would mean ignoring the months of Sid vs. Goldberg, which is one of those things in wrestling that always drives me insane. I’m sure in this WCW though, it’s cutting edge TV.
Overall Rating: D. Here’s the thing: for probably the first time since Russo took over, this show felt like it had a point. They have most of the big stuff set for Mayhem and gave you a reason to check out the show. That alone puts it ahead of almost anything else WCW has done in weeks. However, that brings us to the problem with the show.
Other than Hall vs. Benoit, this was one of the worst wrestling shows I’ve seen in a very long time. The wrestling ranged from too short to mean anything to just flat out bad. However, it did have the best match Nitro has offered in weeks which somehow makes this a better show. I hate to say it, but this bad show is somehow an improvement.
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Monday Nitro – November 8, 1999: Holy Sweet Mother Of Goodness
Monday Nitro #213 Date: November 8, 1999
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 8,134
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
With less than two weeks to go until Mayhem, we have a long stretch of tournament matches to still get through. The question now is can any match break ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time we reached that point, but it’s a very rare sight in Russo Land. Hopefully things start to make a bit more sense but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Let’s get to it.
We open in the production truck with Sid telling a production guy to play a tape when he gives him a cue.
Here’s Sid in the arena with something to say. I can’t see this ending well. The Outsiders think he’s dumb, but he’s not as dumb as he looks. This brings him to Goldberg, who quit at Halloween Havoc. The tape is cued up and we see Goldberg beating on Sid as Sid shouts I QUIT. That’s it. Seriously, that’s it. This brings out the Outsiders with Hall carrying the US Title.
Wait a minute. Hall took the belt from Sid, who wasn’t champion when he took it from Bret. So does that make Bret Bad News Barrett, Sid R-Truth and Hall Dean Ambrose? Suddenly my life makes so much more sense. (That’s a Wrestlemania XXXI reference if you’re reading this ten years from now).
Hall brings up beating Sid last week but Sid says Hall was supposed to lay down. Hall doesn’t lay down for anyone, because that’s how the Kliq works. Nash wants Sid to call out Bret, but Hart saves Sid the trouble. Apparently Bret thinks Goldberg is the real US Champion and he’s going to give Goldberg his belt back tonight. Cue Goldberg to spear Sid and challenge him to an I Quit match. Goldberg also challenges the Outsiders to a game of hide and seek. They hide, he seeks and destroys. Isn’t that the name of Sting’s theme song?
Here are the updated brackets. Sting and Luger have both advanced due to injuries.
Bret Hart
Perry Saturn
Norman Smiley
Kidman
Total Package
Sting
Chris Benoit
Madusa
Scott Hall
Lash Leroux
Buff Bagwell
Vampiro
Curt Hennig
Jeff Jarrett
That is one lame tournament.
Sting isn’t sure he can trust Luger and thinks Lex has a lot of splaining to do.
Luger and Liz arrive in Indiana Pacers gear and try to sneak into the building without being noticed. The camera on them doesn’t help this.
We look at Kimberly running David Flair over last week.
Kimberly arrives and tells Doug Dillinger that David has been harassing her all week. So why is she here? Dillinger gives her extra security.
Kevin Nash has his security license and that’s all we hear as we go to commercial mid sentence.
The Filthy Animals are in the ring for all their sex based catchphrases because Russo thinks they’re like DX. The insults bring out the Revolution, with Dean challenging Rey to a mixed tag with Torrie and Asya. Rey says it’s on.
WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Norman Smiley vs. Kidman
Norman is officially Screamin Norman Smiley. As he comes to the ring, Tony announces Hall vs. Sid vs. Hart vs. Goldberg in a Texas tornado ladder match for the US Title. This would be different from all those ladder matches where you have to tag. Since Norman is hardcore now, Brian Knobbs and Jimmy Hart come out for commentary. Kidman rips off the helmet Norman is wearing and it’s fighting time.
Norman can’t quite take his gloves off though so Kidman takes him to the ropes for a spanking, only to get kicked low. Something like an inverted powerbomb gets two on Kidman and Norman does his spanking (what is with Russo’s obsession with spanking?) dance while Kidman screams for Torrie. There are so many connotations there, I don’t know where to start. Knobbs sneaks in with a hockey stick to lay out Norman, giving Kidman the pin in barely two minutes.
To recap, Kidman is now in the final eight of the World Title tournament after needing the help of Brian Knobbs to defeat Norman Smiley in a two minute match that saw both men being spanked. This is the brilliant Vince Russo’s grand solution to Rock, HHH, Austin, Angle, Undertaker and company.
Sting searches for Luger.
David Flair is lurking around with his crowbar.
Kevin Nash is getting a rainbow turban put on. Nash as the Grand Wizard would be….well it would be stupid actually.
Here’s an angry Sting to call out Luger. He gets Liz instead, who, after tripping on the ramp because of her heels, says that Luger would never do anything to hurt their cherished friendship. Sting puts his arm around her and says she can be the female Total Package. Now Luger comes out and says he’s here in friendship and apologizes for what happened last week. Sting chokes him against the ropes and says he’ll rip his throat out if that ever happens again. As we’ve known for years, Sting can be a bit of a psycho.
Kimberly goes into her dressing room when the lights go out. David Flair’s voice says she won’t feel a thing. What am I even watching anymore?
WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Chris Benoit vs. Madusa
Madusa actually puts on a hammerlock but Benoit calmly brushes it off. He tells her to leave and talks to the referee but Madusa fires off some kicks and a hurricanrana. That’s it for Benoit as he rips off a chop to put Madusa on the mat. Cue Evan Karagias to get in a fight with referee Johnny Boone, who easily holds his own against Evan. Jeff Jarrett runs in and lays out Benoit for the DQ, because this isn’t the WWF and we don’t hit women.
Madusa freaks out on Jarrett for costing her a shot at the title.
Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in to ask the Powers That Be for his opportunity for winning the battle royal on Thunder. Russo tells him that the opportunity around here is selling Amway, so get out of his office. So yeah, no reward and the battle royal was a waste of time.
Jim Duggan is cleaning toilets.
TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Disco Inferno
Steiner is defending and Disco is Cruiserweight Champion. A quick Steinerline sends Disco to the floor, where the kid who has been hanging around Disco is carrying a bucket. He’s officially named Tony Marinara and says he’s been carrying Glenn since they were kids. Tony says he wants his money and it turns out the bucket is full of concrete. Rick takes it away and hits Disco in the head with it, setting up a German suplex for the pin. We’re getting a mafia angle aren’t we?
Nash is indeed the Grand Wizard of Wrestling and has powder, chloroform and brass knuckles. He and Hall are ready for Sid and they have riot police following them around.
We see the Nitro Girls finalists do a mini routine until AC Jazz comes out and throws out all the Nitro Girl wannabes. They’re skanks and various other insults so here’s Spice to call AC a ho, triggering a fight. Who looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need a story? Who looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need to exist actually?
Kimberly is hiding in the boiler room. David is there with her and says his master needs another bride. In case you’re wondering, we’ve had about five and a half minutes of wrestling time so far but this is the third or fourth bit about these two.
Here’s Dustin Rhodes as Seven for his debut promo. With the floor covered in smoke, he flies to the ring with the help of some not very well covered wires. “I want everyone here to take a good long look at this crap I’m in.” He rants about leaving the WWF because of gimmicks like Goldust, which completely sucked. It nearly ruined his wrestling career and he wanted to come back home and just be Dustin Rhodes. The Powers That Be think Dustin is boring though, so he’s dressed up as Uncle Fester. “My new name is Seven by the way.”
He won’t have any of this or Goldust and they know where they can shove it. Last week, WCW fired Dusty Rhodes so now his mission is to make the Powers That Be, WCW and TNA all suffer the consequences. You will never forget the name of Dustin Rhodes. To recap, Russo came up with this character and now has written a promo where he calls it stupid. He’s already bored of burying the talent so he’s going to bury himself I guess.
David is still on the hunt.
Luger and Liz have a plan to make up with Sting.
Sting vs. Goldberg
Just a match and Goldberg’s first match of the night. After a two minute entrance, Goldberg slugs Sting up against the ropes but gets caught in a sleeper. Cue Luger and Liz as the referee goes down. They mace Sting (clearly intentional) and it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the pin in 2:13. These two should have been the biggest match all year and Russo has run it twice in fifteen days in 5:21 total. That’s borderline criminal. Also, in case you have hope for the future, this is their last singles match ever.
And now, after that huge match, the Outsiders offer Sid the riot squad when Rick Steiner comes up and demands Sid make time for him tonight. So Rick is the clingy ex?
Luger and Liz see Duggan mopping floors and steal his “wet floor” sign.
Kimberly finds a security guard and, say it with me, it’s David Flair. What happened to the extra guards she was given earlier?
Vampiro is now a full on member of the Misfits. Well sweet goodness I totally want to watch the show, buy the merchandise and order the pay per views now. This totally changes my perspective on the company and wrestling as a whole and I can’t put into words how excited I am to have seen this thrilling turn of events.
WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Vampiro vs. Buff Bagwell
The Misfits jump Bagwell during his entrance and the referee has no issue ringing the bell during a 5-1 beatdown. Vampiro takes him inside for a running clothesline but completely misses a top rope flip attack. Bagwell fights off all of the Misfits but the referee gets poked in the eye and Vampiro hits a missile dropkick. I don’t see why we needed a ref bump for that but I’m still reeling from the announcement that Vampiro has joined the Misfits so I probably missed the subtext. Berlyn comes down and nails Vampiro with a chain, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin. Five people, a ref bump and a chain. Match time: 82 seconds.
The Bodyguard beats up the Misfits post match. Creative Control comes up and beats Berlyn down as well. As terrifying as this is to me, I’m starting to understand these stories.
Luger is on the bathroom floor holding his knee. After a break, the EMT says there’s nothing wrong with it.
WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Bret Hart vs. Perry Saturn
Bret’s knee seems to be fine and Shane Douglas is on commentary. Hart goes after the arm first but gets caught by a forearm to the face. Saturn gets smart and kicks at Bret’s recently injured knee which Bret quickly remembers to sell. A t-bone suplex drops Bret but he avoids the Lionsault. Must be the Canadian instinct.
We hit the Five Moves of Doom (Shane: “I’ve seen this before!”) but Asya distracts the referee as Bret puts on the Sharpshooter. Shane gets up and hits him in the head with a cast, setting up the Death Valley Driver for a surprising kick out. Saturn throws him outside so Malenko can get in some cheap shots but Benoit runs out for the save. Bret gets thrown back in but escapes a sunset flip and puts on the Sharpshooter for the win to advance.
Rating: C-. Another potentially good match ruined by too much overbooking. Hart kicking out of the Death Valley Drive surprised me a bit, even though I know how this tournament ends. The bad side of that is I fully expected there to be a screwy finish if Bret was eliminated because that’s the standard operating procedure around here these days: be screwy for the sake of being screwy.
Kimberly asks Creative Control for a meeting with the Powers That Be.
Nash does Johnny Carson’s Carnac bit, meaning he gives the answer to a question and then reads the question. The answer is 316 and the question is how many times Undertaker and Austin have worked a pay per view against each other. Oh get over yourselves WCW. That shouldn’t be hard given how low you are in the ratings.
Here’s Booker T. with something to say. He’s alone this week as Stevie Ray has been suspended. Booker has three things on his mind: Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control. He wants all three of them out here right now for a Harlem street fight.
Booker T. vs. Creative Control/Jeff Jarrett
Jeff sits on commentary because Creative Control can handle Booker on their own. Booker backdrops one of them to the floor and forearms the other so Jarrett comes in with the guitar for a threat, allowing Creative Control to hammer on Booker. Cue a woman who looks like a black Chyna….and gets hit with a guitar a few seconds after she gets in. That’s the end of the so called match as Jarrett and Creative Control walk out.
The Powers That Be tell Luger that he has to face Sid or he’s out of the tournament.
Asya/Dean Malenko vs. Torrie Wilson/Rey Mysterio
Torrie is in a swimsuit top, the bottom half of a dress and very high heels. She tries to take the dress off but Rey stops her for some reason. Asya handcuffs Torrie to the ring five seconds in and Rey gets double teamed. Torrie was really that big of a threat? A suplex gets two and it’s off to Malenko for two more off a clothesline but Rey comes back with a one legged dropkick. He knocks Asya off the apron but Dean kicks him in the knee, only to get sent hard into Asya. Rey misses the Bronco Buster, setting up the Cloverleaf for another fast ending.
The Animals come in for the save as Tony says this was a grand plan. There was nothing grand about this Tony. Well except Torrie.
Kimberly goes into the shower and David is waiting for her. Good grief just leave the arena already. Then again David seems to have superpowers tonight so it might not matter.
Sid Vicious vs. Total Package
Liz wheels Luger down and Lex says his knee is too banged up to compete, but he’ll be fine for the tournament match next week. This brings Sting out to beat Luger up and throw him in to face Sid. Sid hammers away but has to move Liz to get at Luger again. Luger actually sells the knee (still wrapped in ice) as Sid stomps on it. A big boot puts Luger down and the riot squad comes out. They stop an invading Goldberg, then step aside so he can come in and spear both guys for the no contest, even though it should have been a DQ on Luger since Goldberg got speared first.
Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Hardcore of course and the winner will face Norman Smiley for the Hardcore Title. Norman comes down to do commentary and asks if Bigelow has dental insurance because he’s been missing that tooth for years. He’s already the funniest commentator this company has. After some trashcan shots they fight into the back with Norman playing Road Dogg as roving commentator.
They knock each other into a wall and Norman wants to know where Doug Dillinger is when you really need him. Knobbs hits Bigelow with a chair and drives him through a table as Norman screams a lot. Kimberly shows up and has Bigelow come with her, meaning Knobbs wins by countout. Backstage. In a hardcore match. This was a way for Kimberly to get some protection but Norman continues to be hilarious.
Norman beats up Knobbs and Jimmy and throws them in trashcans.
Kimberly and Bam Bam Bigelow are looking for David. Bigelow: “If you want to pick on a girl, pick on me!”
WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Scott Hall vs. Lash Leroux
Nash is with Hall and in the Grand Wizard garb. The riot guard is with them as well to really overbook things. Heenan thinks the guest referee for the ladder match is going to be from another organization. We start with a toothpick throw and Lash is tossed into the corner. Hall drives in the shoulders and puts on an armbar to slap Lash in the back of the head. Back up and Lash scores with some forearms and a dropkick as Tony is really putting Lash over. The Outsiders have a meeting on the floor and Nash offers chloroform.
Back in and Scott offers a test of strength and pokes Leroux in the eye. Tony talks about the tournament and Heenan says he sounds like Dick Vitale. Tony: “Really?” Heenan: “No.” A chokeslam sets up the Giant imitation, because it makes sense to mock someone who left nine months ago. Tony tries to cover for him by saying it’s climbing a ladder, which is better than most ideas he’s had before.
Hall puts on an abdominal stretch and lifts Lash’s leg to make it even worse. As Lash makes his comeback, Tony promises a recap of everything that’s happened earlier in the night. The fact that that’s a featured attraction tells you how messy this show has been. Hall stops the comeback with a discus punch and the fallaway slam. The Outsider’s Edge is good for the pin.
Rating: C. You know what? This wasn’t half bad. Maybe it’s my shock that they had a match end clean, but this was a totally acceptable six minute (longest of the night) match. It’s nothing great and nothing I’ll think about by the time this show is over, but this was such a nice change of pace from the other “matches” all night that it was pretty entertaining.
Nash calls the riot squad into the ring and one of them is Goldberg. You can figure the rest out for yourselves. Before the double spear, Nash tries to throw powder in Goldberg’s face. I’m sure Nash had a plan to get it past the helmet and visor.
Recap of Hennig having to avoid getting pinned to keep his job. We still have no idea why this stipulation has been put into place.
WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Curt Hennig vs. Jeff Jarrett
Hennig jumps him in the aisle to start and they head inside with Jeff grabbing a quick small package for two. They head right back outside for a slugout with Jeff going after the knee as is his custom. Cue Creative Control to watch from the stage as Hennig kicks out of a Figure Four attempt.
Curt fights back and naturally we get a ref bump. You can feel the ratings triple as fans just know the referee has gone down in a five minute match and the excitement cannot be contained! The PerfectPlex doesn’t matter because no one is there to count, allowing Creative Control to beat Curt down. They slam him through the announcers’ table and it’s a countout, meaning this stupid angle MUST CONTINUE!
Rating: D+. Somehow this might have been the second best match of the night. I’m already getting bored of telling Russo that there’s no need to have a match this overbooked when you have two talented guys in there, but this was more of the same problems over and over again. Boring match but at least they had some time to set something up.
Jeff gives Curt the Stroke post match.
Here are the updated brackets:
Bret Hart
Kidman
Sting
Total Package
Chris Benoit
Scott Hall
Buff Bagwell
Jeff Jarrett
Kimberly comes to the ring and says she’s tired of running from David, so come get her. This brings out David but Bam Bam Bigelow jumps him. David hits him low and gets in a crowbar shot though, sending Kimberly running away again.
Post break, Kimberly is trying to get in her car with David Flair behind her. She drops her keys but gets in anyway, only to have David break out a window. Creative Control comes up and chases him off, saying the Powers That Be will see her now. Why she hasn’t CALLED THE FREAKING POLICE all night is never made clear.
US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Goldberg vs. Bret Hart vs. Scott Hall
Ladder match with Goldberg defending. During the entrances, Tony recaps the evening and my goodness it sounds even worse. Hall and Sid start fighting before the other two get there and it’s clear that Sid could easily reach up and pull down the title without a ladder. Bret and Goldberg come in with no music as we’re reminded about the special referee. We could also use a ladder, so here comes Nash with a ladder and a referee’s shirt.
Goldberg and Hall slug it out in the aisle and we’re told it’s Kimberly vs. David Flair at Mayhem. So it’s Kimberly vs. a man stalking her and potentially trying to rape her earlier. No, of course Russo doesn’t have issues with women. All four get inside as the fans chant for Goldberg but they get Rick Steiner instead. He plants Sid with the bulldog and slugs it out with Goldberg. Hart pulls down the belt but Nash hits him in the bad leg with a pipe and picks up the belt. Hall climbs one rung and is handed the belt to make him the champion.
Rating: D-. Why did I expect anything else here? It was an overbooked ladder match and that’s the best idea they could come up with, but at least Hall is the champion now and….what exactly does that change? Nothing of course, because titles mean nothing in this company and are nothing more than a plot point. That’s one of those Russo ideas that has stayed around, despite the fact that it’s rarely made things even better.
Overall Rating: F+. At what point did this stop being a wrestling show? Somewhere recently this turned into a bunch of direct to video movies spliced together. Kimberly was all over this show more than the Filthy Animals had been recently, which makes for good scenery but some STUPID moments. She had no reason to be there tonight as she quit the Nitro Girls and Page is allegedly hurt, but she showed up for the sake of the plot. Bad show with some watchable matches when they were given time, but we needed more shenanigans with Luger’s knee or Kimberly being stupid. Standard WCW fare in other words.
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Monday Nitro – October 4, 1999: The Last Great Thing WCW Did
Monday Nitro #208 Date: October 4, 1999 Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri Attendance: 6,942
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
We’re getting closer to Halloween Havoc but tonight we take a detour into something that is actually special. Less than five months earlier, Owen Hart passed away in this same arena. His brother Bret wanted to do something special for him, and that’s what we’re getting on this show. Let’s get to it.
The announcers hype up the main events, because those promises have held up so much recently.
Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dean Malenko
This starts after a way too early break. Malenko quickly flips Mysterio to the floor and grabs a legbar back inside. Rey pops to his feet and speeds things WAY up for a nice counter sequence, capped off with Malenko throwing him into the air but eating a dropkick on the way back down. A hot shot is countered but Rey bounces backwards into a hurricanrana for two. That was AWESOME and even Malenko has to give Mysterio credit.
To change the subject a bit, Tony casually mentions that Psychosis beat Lenny Lane for the Cruiserweight Title over the weekend. That’s code for “it turns out Turner Broadcasting didn’t like having a shock value gimmick like over the top incestuous brothers on a show with falling ratings”. The title match never happened of course but Psychosis does get to defend tonight against Disco Inferno. Of course since this title means nothing, it’s throw in as a sidebar in this match. You know, the match that COULD BE FOR THE TITLE instead of just being part of the Revolution vs. Filthy Animals feud over absolutely nothing.
Back to the match, Malenko gets two off a German suplex and cranks on the leg. That goes nowhere so Dean is thrown to the floor for a big dive from Rey. They head inside again and Rey loads up the yet to be named West Coast Pop, only to have Malenko catch him in a kind of powerbomb to set up the Cloverleaf.
Ropes are grabs and Mysterio counters tilt-a-whirl slam into a kind of cross body. They get back up and hit a double clothesline but Mysterio sells it more like a Boss Man Slam for an odd looking crash. Cue Shane Douglas with a chain but Saturn runs down and steals it from him. Saturn stares Douglas down with the chain but hits Mysterio instead, allowing Dean, who didn’t seem to see what happened, to put on the Cloverleaf for the win.
Rating: C+. Really good start to the match here until we had to get Shane Douglas involved. It looks like the Revolution is starting to splinter, which makes good enough sense given that they have nothing else going for them. They have yet to recover from that disaster at Fall Brawl so why not just turn them heel from the inside?
Dean sees the replay on the screen and isn’t happy with Saturn.
Tony tells us about the New Year’s Evil pay per view on December 27, which wasn’t on New Year’s, wasn’t on New Year’s Eve, wasn’t evil and never wound up happening.
Video on Bret, talking about Owen and his death.
Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Psychosis
Tony brings up the hiring of Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara, who will be chatting on WCW.com later this week. And so it begins. By it I mean the bizarre choices, such as allowing fans to talk to writers. Why would fans care about something like that? Picture this back in 1988: “Yes fans this coming Wednesday, you can call in and talk to the booker!”
Psychosis is defending after being awarded the title in a phantom title change over the weekend. The new champ starts fast and knocks Disco out to the floor with a baseball slide, setting up a big dive over the top. Back in and Disco gets a boot up in the corner, followed by a swinging neckbreaker for two.
You know Disco isn’t smart enough to make that last though and charges into an elbow from Psychosis. Well at least they’re consistent. A top rope hurricanrana gets two for Psychosis but Disco pops back up, only to dive into a spinwheel kick. The guillotine legdrop misses and Disco hits the Chartbuster to win the title out of nowhere.
Rating: D+. I’ll spare you the obvious question of why they even bothered with Psychosis in the first place and get to the better question of why Disco. He’s still a glorified comedy character whose best matches usually get a response of “you know, he doesn’t suck as much as I thought.” You have Kidman, Guerrera, Mysterio, Malenko and even Psychosis to put the belt on but instead we get someone like Disco.
Oh and just after he wins the title, we IMMEDIATELY cut to an ad for Mayhem.
Sid is on the phone. I smell shenanigans.
The Outsiders come down the stands with drinks in hand. This would be Nash’s first appearance since August and Hall’s first since…..I think March? Heenan asks where they’ve been and Hall says they’ve been at the party down there. Nash is retired, which Hall describes as “working a requirement angle”. They’ll be back and put the band back together once the locker room is fun again. This comes off as more of Russo’s “WE’RE SHOOTING” stuff that is interesting for about five minutes and then turns into a big mess with the fans asking “can’t we just watch wrestling?”
Sid Vicious vs. Brian Adams
Adams is out of the KISS gimmick but still has the Demon pants on. He hammers Sid from behind to start and scores with a suplex. Naturally Sid isn’t going to sell that so Adams clotheslines him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Sid ducks his head, allowing Adams to hit a quick jumping piledriver. Of course Robinson can’t count because Rick Steiner runs out and helps with the beating. Adams fights Sid off and tilt-a-whirl slams Steiner, only to have Sid come back in for a double powerbomb and a fast count. That makes Sid 120-0, though Adams got in WAY more offense than most people do against Sid.
Jerry Flynn vs. Goldberg
During the entrances, we go split screen so Sid can rant about his car. Flynn rakes the eyes to start and is promptly kicked right in the face. A pumphandle slam drops Jerry again as the rest of the First Family comes out for a distraction. Goldberg is knocked outside to get beaten on for a bit (why isn’t this just a three on one handicap match to make this move faster? Oh right: because WCW is stupid enough to put Morrus and Knobbs in the Tag Team Title hunt instead of ANYONE ELSE), including a whip into the steps.
Morrus adds an elbow from the apron and even the referee can’t be bothered to care about these two schmucks. The referee sends them to the back, allowing Goldberg to counter a cross armbreaker and hit the two moves for the win. You know, people remember these two fighting a lot but it really didn’t happen all that often. They only fought four times on Nitro in nearly two years, with a year and a half in between two of them. Goldberg and Morrus had at least three matches so it’s not a huge stretch.
Goldberg promises to destroy Sid.
Brad Armstrong tells Berlyn to speak English, end of scene.
Here’s Harlem Heat for a chat about their upcoming title defense against Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus. There’s so much wrong with that idea that I don’t even know where to start. The match is going to be on like a pot of neckbone, but Booker has to stop for a Wolfpack chant. He tells the Outsiders that they’re not getting the belts but the First Family comes out for a brawl. Knobbs hits Booker in the head with a chair and Morrus gets Stevie down for No Laughing Matter. The First Family leaves with the belts. As usual, decent story, completely wrong cast.
Nitro Girls search time. Baltimore can’t get here soon enough.
Goldberg gets in his car and leaves. I’m sure this won’t go badly for Sid whatsoever.
Benoit says he misses Owen and brings up getting his start in Stampede Wrestling. They’re really making this feel special tonight.
Brad Armstrong vs. Curt Hennig
Hennig chops away in the corner but gets hiptossed and dropkicked out to the floor. Back in and Hennig chops the skin off Brad’s chest but walks into a pair of atomic drops. The Rednecks come in but eat right hands, only to have the Germans come out for a distraction. The bodyguard nails Brad in the back of the head, sending him right into the HennigPlex for the pin. It really took FIVE PEOPLE to beat Brad Armstrong? That’s seriously what we’re going with here?
The Germans beat Armstrong up again post match.
Mysterio goes into the showers to get Kidman for his match. Kidman comes out and Torrie Wilson follows him. Rey looks impressed.
Sid gives the attendant his car keys. Why the same attendant works in two different cities isn’t explained.
Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman
Here’s another match that could be for the Cruiserweight Title. They trade forearms to start until Kidman suplexes him down for two. A Stunner on the top rope drops Kidman as the announcers talk about Kidman and Torrie in the shower. Kidman suplexes Juvy to the floor and adds a dropkick as he gets back inside. Juvy comes back with a DDT out of a fireman’s carry and drops a People’s Elbow. I had forgotten about the Juvy Rock phase. Juvy says he knows our role as we take a break.
Back with Kidman charging into an elbow but snapping off a powerslam (very common move no matter what size people are) for two. Juvy waves Psychosis down but misses a plancha and takes Psychosis down instead of Kidman. That’s fine with Kidman, who runs to the top and dives onto both guys. This isn’t as good as it sounds though as they’re just doing spots without the energy that made their old matches so good.
Back in again and Kidman dropkicks him out of the air but Juvy counters a powerbomb (double gimmick infringement!) into a Juvy Driver attempt, which is countered into a suplex, which is countered into a bulldog from Guerrera. The 450 misses and Kidman hits a Sky High but has to go after Psychosis again. Cue Mysterio to argue with Psychosis, but the distraction lets Juvy hit the Driver off the top for the pin.
Rating: C+. This was more about advancing the feud between the Animals and the loose stable of luchadors, which isn’t really going anywhere as Psychosis isn’t quite the same level as the other three. Granted he might have gotten closer to that spot had they just let him stay Cruiserweight Champion but that might make too much sense.
Juvy and Psychosis get beaten down post match.
Sid has his assistant park his car in Goldberg’s parking space.
Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit
Both are faces here and Benoit’s TV Title isn’t on the line. Harley Race does the intros to make this really special. Bret grabs a headlock to start before they fight over a top wristlock. Hart holds the ropes to avoid a monkey flip but Benoit nips up before Bret can do anything. Very technical so far. Chris bridges out of a test of strength and wraps Bret’s arms across his own throat to get a breather.
A hammerlock has Bret on the mat and the fans chant for Owen. Off to a double arm crank on Hart but Bret reverses into one of his own. Thankfully Bret is actually holding Chris’ wrists unlike Scott Hall who would be keeping himself in the hold whenever that was reversed. Benoit flips out with a dropkick to the chest but gets caught in a Russian legsweep to put him down again.
We hit the chinlock from Hart followed by a hard knee to the ribs to drop Chris one more time. A DDT sets up the middle rope elbow for two for Hart but Benoit grabs a rollup for two. He doesn’t let go of the legs though and turns it into a Boston crab. Bret is quickly in the ropes but gets caught in a backbreaker for two as we take a break.
Back with Benoit getting two off something we didn’t see but Bret comes back with the headbutt to the lower abdomen. A snap suplex sets up a chinlock by the Hitman as things settle down a bit. Another backbreaker puts Benoit on the mat and Bret rams him into the apron. Back in and Benoit spins out of another backbreaker and hits a jumping tombstone for two. A northern lights suplex gets another two for Chris and he fires off the headbutts.
Benoit stomps away in the corner but Bret holds the ropes to avoid a dropkick and a few elbows get two. Bret charges but his cross body hits the ropes to send him outside. Chris hits a big dive through the ropes to put both guys down and we take our second break. Back again with both guys rolling each other up for two followed by Bret stomping away in the corner. They trade rollups for two each again until Bret nails a swinging neckbreaker.
A superplex puts Benoit down but he counters the Sharpshooter into the Crossface but Bret is right next to the ropes. Chris rolls some vertical suplexes and calls for the Swan Dive. He goes to the furthest corner and nails the headbutt for a slightly delayed two. The fans chant for Bret and he comes back with an elbow to the jaw. A piledriver gets two on Benoit as he puts his foot on the ropes.
Benoit gets to do Bret’s chest first bump into the corner but comes out with some hard chops. Bret tries a clothesline but gets caught in the Rolling Germans. The Crossface is blocked and they go to the mat with Bret maneuvering his legs so that he stands up in the Sharpshooter. The fans freak out over that awesome trap by Bret and Benoit has to give up.
Rating: A. This was an excellent wrestling match. Bret worked over the back to set up the Sharpshooter and Benoit tried everything he knew but at the end of the day it was Bret winning with a counter to Benoit’s best hold and a very smooth move into the Sharpshooter. That’s exactly what it was supposed to be and it was more than an awesome match. The crowd respected it too. This is the last great match that WCW had and the last time Bret was actually motivated in a wrestling ring. If you haven’t seen this one before, go check it out to see what great wrestling can do.
Race gets in the ring and everyone hugs and poses before walking out together.
Gene calls out Flair and Hogan, who thankfully come out one at a time. Hogan has to limp down because of the knee injury from last week. They praise each other and my stomach is starting to churn. Hogan says Flair is the best of all time and Flair wants to join Hulkamania. Tonight, Hogan wants to see Flair style and profile. It’s a bad sign when modern day TNA pays better attention to character development and history than this company does.
Sid is in the empty parking space. “I’ve got him now.”
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell
Bagwell mocks Page’s catchphrases to start, saying he’s going to two time, two time, two time beat Page down. Page charges right into a clothesline to start and gets dropkicked out to the floor. Back in and Page can’t hook a powerbomb but does kick Buff low to take over again. A low elbow sets up a stomping in the corner and we hit the chinlock. With his offense running low, Bagwell lands another clothesline and his swinging neckbreaker. Page avoids the Blockbuster though and floats over Bagwell into the Diamond Cutter for the fast pin.
A kid is looking at a window when a horse flies up. Dustin Rhodes is dressed all in black and that’s it.
Hulk Hogan/Ric Flair vs. Sting/Total Package
Tony even has to acknowledge the fans cheering for Sting. Hogan has a big brace on his knee but is fine from last week’s attack otherwise. It’s a brawl to start with Sting and Hogan heading outside while the others fight inside. Hogan is whipped into the barricade as Luger and Flair fight outside.
Tony keeps calling Total Package Luger because it’s such a stupid name change. I can’t even say gimmick change because it’s literally the same guy with a different name. Things settle down with Sting stomping on Flair in the corner but missing a dropkick. As usual, there’s nothing about Sting that would make you think he’s a heel. Sting slams him off the top and it’s off to Luger for a powerslam.
Back to Sting for a chinlock as the fans chant for Hogan. Notice how he keeps moving around on the apron. This is something the bigger stars usually do and you can see Cena do it today. You can do so much to keep a crowd into things while standing on the apron. Pace up and down, reach for tags, shout encouragement. Let the fans know that you CARE about what’s going on at the moment.
Luger prevents a tag to Hogan and Sting gorilla presses Flair down again. A running splash hits knees though and it’s finally off to Hogan. We go old school with right hands and a double noggin knocker, followed by a double clothesline to put both villains down. Page runs in and gets sent into Luger, who blindly Racks him. Hogan hits the big boot and legdrop to pin Sting. Seeing him hug Flair is just wrong on so many levels.
Rating: D+. Standard main event tag here with the champ getting pinned to add to the pay per view match’s build. This is wrestling booking 101, but it’s still really uninteresting stuff. Seeing these four guys fighting while I could be watching the rise of HHH and Rock near or at his peak and the tag teams tearing the house down really doesn’t appeal to me and that seemed to be the opinion of the masses.
Sid goes to his parking space and finds his car crushed into a metal block. If this is supposed to make me watch the match, go back to Charles Robinson needing counting lessons.
Overall Rating: B. By far and away the best show they’ve had in a long time, though most of that is due to the awesome Bret vs. Benoit match. The rest of the show certainly isn’t bad though as a lot of the bad matches were kept short. The Sid vs. Goldberg battle of the garage stuff is getting REALLY old just two weeks in. I’m actually not sure how Sid’s plan made sense and I assure you it wasn’t much clearer on screen. I guess it was supposed to be Goldberg’s car but someone made a switch? This shouldn’t be so complicated. Anyway, best show in months if not years here, but it feels like a one off improvement.
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