Impact Wrestling
Date: September 21, 2023
Location: Westchester County Center, White Plains, New York
Commentators: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifana

This is the second week of the 1000th episode celebration and that means we should be in for a big night. In this case, we have a ten woman Knockouts tag match that has quite the potential. Other than that, we have a month to go before Bound For Glory and there is a good chance that we will be finding out more about the show this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Ace Austin vs. Alan Angels vs. Mike Bailey vs. Rich Swann vs. Zachary Wentz vs. Samurai del Sol

Ultimate X (the fiftieth edition) for a future X-Division Title shot. Del Sol clears the ring of Wentz and Angels, setting up a big dive. Swann dives onto most of them, followed by Austin hitting a rolling flip dive of his own. Del Sol, Bailey and Angels go up and hit huge dives out to the other three on the floor for the huge crash (that looked good).

That leaves Swann to hit a top rope cutter, but Bailey and Angels go up top of the structure, with Angels hanging upside down by a leg. Del Sol and Bailey go for the X but Wentz and Angels shake the ropes for the save in a smart bit. Bailey hangs on though, leaving Swann to beat up Wentz on the ground. Angels goes after Bailey but has to snap off a hurricanrana to Swann.

Wentz spray paints Swann as Bailey is now hanging upside down by his legs and trying to get over to the X. Del Sol gets sprayed as well so it’s Wentz, Angels and Austin going after the X as well. They’re all hanging on the cables but Wentz spray paints Austin down. Bailey manages his rapid fire kicks to knock Wentz down but Angels kicks Bailey low to put everyone down. Angels goes back up and gets the X for the win at 9:40.

Rating: B-. These things are always such insanity with one big spot after another and that’s what you had here. It was a fun match with people flying all over the place, with that spot of four people hanging upside down at once being quite the visual. As odd as this match can be, it’s Impact’s match and having one on here makes all the sense in the world.

Post break Angels announces that he is cashing in his title shot next week.

Dirty Dango vs. Jake Something

Alpha Bravo is here with Dango. We go WAY old school here with the Fox Box, meaning a graphic with a countdown clock on the top of the screen (ten minute time limit) and there is a judge (former Tag Team Champion Chase Stevens) watching in case it goes to a draw. We also get a crawl on the bottom, hyping up the rest of the show.

Something chases him to the floor to start and hits a slam, followed by a clothesline for two back inside. Dango manages a running uppercut for two but Something runs him over with a clothesline. Bravo tries to get in a shot with a flashlight but hits Dango by mistake, setting up Into The Void to give Something the pin at 3:59.

Rating: C. Something continues to feel like a monster in the making and now he’s starting to rack up some wins. That’s the way you make someone into a star and Impact seems to understand that with Something. At the same time, Dango is a great smarmy heel and it feels good to see him get what is coming to him.

Steve Maclin is ready to end things with Rhino, who runs in to jump him.

Post break Santino Marella yells at Rhino, who doesn’t care.

Kenny King vs. Eric Young

King has Sheldon Jean with him so Young has Scott D’Amore. Jean comes in for the DQ at 33 seconds.

Post match Shark Boy (the Deputy Directory Of Authority) makes it a tag match.

Kenny King/Sheldon Jean vs. Eric Young/Scott D’Amore

The Design runs in for the DQ at 17 seconds.

Shark Boy says let’s make it an eight man tag because we have some special guests.

Kenny King/Sheldon Jean/The Design vs. Eric Young/Scott D’Amore/America’s Most Wanted

We’re joined in progress with AMW taking over on King, including Chris Harris hitting a bulldog for two. D’Amore comes in to work on Deaner’s arm so it’s off to Young, who has Deaner worried. He’s so worried that he hands it back to King, who takes over on Young. Kon gets in a few right hands before missing a charge in the corner. That’s enough for Young to hit the Death Valley Driver and it’s James Storm coming in to beat on Jean.

King’s cheap shot lets Jean hit a side kick but a hot shot cuts Jean off. Young adds the top rope elbow for two but King hits a Blockbuster. We hit the parade of knockdowns until Harris and Kon have a showdown. Storm hits the Last call on Deaner, leaving D’Amore to hit a Sky High on Jean. Young’s piledriver is good for the pin at 6:56 shown.

Rating: C+. The people running in over and over and the match growing was a good story and having America’s Most Wanted on the show was great to see. They were one of the first acts to really get over in Impact Wrestling, with James Storm in particular being an absolute requirement for the show. This was wacky entertainment with some nostalgia thrown in, which is exactly what it should have been.

We look back at how Chris Bey, Crazzy Steve, Yuya Uemura and Moose won Feast Or Fired briefcases.

We see a clip of Team 3D reuniting last week, with Brother Ray talking about how they didn’t want to have this reunion match anywhere else but here. D-Von credits the fans with bringing him back after his health issues and we hit the catchphrase.

Back to Feast Or Fired, with Yuya Uemura wanting to find “champions”, which Joe Hendry says means a Tag Team Title shot. Bey and Moose want the same thing, but Steve wants a heart, a liver or maybe lungs. Steve gets to open his case first and finds….a Digital Media Title shot, sending him of saying “and the world was full of dreamers” over and over.

Moose finds…..a World Title shot.

Bey finds….a Tag Team Title shot, meaning Uemura is FIRED. Hendry isn’t sure what to say and everything is quiet.

Trey Miguel vs. Josh Alexander

Zachary Wentz is here with Miguel. They start fast and go to the floor, where Alexander blocks a hurricanrana attempt. Back in and a heck of a German suplex drops Miguel but Wentz offers a distraction. The big flip dive takes Alexander out and we take a break. Back with Miguel choking in the corner, setting up a pull on the face. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Alexander fights up and throws Miguel down.

Miguel scores with a kick and goes up, only to have Alexander cut him off. A clothesline drops Miguel but he catches Alexander on top for a super headscissors. The top rope Meteora is countered into Alexander’s ankle lock but Miguel sends him outside. Wentz gets in a cheap shot on Alexander but here is Alex Shelley to drop Wentz as well. The C4 Spike finishes Miguel at 14:04.

Rating: B. The ending makes things more interesting but this was the “here are two talented guys doing their thing” match. That’s all but guaranteed to work and Alexander picks up a win that should continue pushing him towards Bound For Glory. Miguel losing again isn’t nice to see, though he and Wentz have done well enough as a team to give him some padding.

Post match Shelley says he was out here to hut the Rascalz rather than help Alexander. That’s cool with Alexander, who is coming for the World Title at Bound For Glory.

Will Ospreay will face Mike Bailey at Bound For Glory.

Jonathan Gresham comes in to see Mike Bailey, who asks how he was. Gresham knows Bailey has a bunch of stuff on his plate but wants a good match of his own. Bailey recommends they face off again, which Gresham likes.

Jason Hotch comes in to ask the Rascalz about the Good Hands’ Tag Team Title shot (confirming that they were in cahoots) but Zachary Wentz says it’s not a good time. ABC comes in to show off the briefcase so Hotch stands up to them. The Rascalz bail and Hotch is a bit nervous.

Here’s what’s coming on various shows.

Team Beautiful People vs. Team Kong

Beautiful People: Angelina Love/Savannah Evans/Deonna Purrazzo/Tasha Steelz/Gisele Shaw
Kong: Awesome Kong/Jordynne Grace/Gail Kim/Trinity/Mickie James

Raesha Saed, Jai Vidal and Velvet Sky Evans are here too. Love drives Trinity into the corner to start and knocks her down for a bonus. Trinity fights up and knocks her back, allowing the double tag off to Grace and Shaw. A Jackhammer gives Grace two and Mickie adds the top rope Thesz press. We take a break and come back with Kin crashing out to the floor where the villains get in some cheap shots.

Back in and Steelz grabs a camel clutch but Kim is back on her feet rather quickly. Kim grabs a Black Widow but it’s quickly off to Shaw for a swinging Downward Spiral. Mickie makes a save this time and Purrazzo comes in for the chinlock. Kim fights up again and stereo crossbodies leave both of them down.

That’s enough to bring Kong in to clean house. We get the Evans vs. Kong showdown, with Evans blocking a chokeslam. Kong drops her fast as everything breaks down, with Mickie and Trinity hitting stereo Thesz presses. Steelz is sent outside onto some villains plus trinity but Grace fireman’s carries Kim to run Evans over. Kim hits a big dive to the floor and Kong hits the Implant Buster to finish Shaw at 14:34.

Rating: B. The quality here was ok, but this was about having the legends and modern stars mix it up and that worked well. Kong and Kim teaming together is one of those things that feels like a special moment and it was a very nice way to end such a milestone show. I had a great time with this and that is exactly what they seemed to be trying to do.

The Beautiful People bag Jai Vidal and the winners celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was much more of a regular edition of the show with some nostalgia sprinkled in. That works just fine after last week and I had a good time with the whole thing. We have a main event for Bound For Glory and AMW was back in a cool surprise. That’s a great mixture of stuff and the show was a fun ride throughout. Now just get to Chicago for the big show and Impact could be back on its roll from earlier this year.

Results
Alan Angels won Ultimate X
Jake Something b. Dirty Dango – Into The Void
Eric Young b. Kenny King via DQ when Sheldon Jean interfered
Eric Young/Scott D’Amore b. Kenny King/Sheldon Jean via DQ when the Design interfered
Eric Young/Scott D’Amore/America’s Most Wanted b. The Design/Kenny King/Sheldon Jean – Piledriver to Jean
Josh Alexander b. Trey Miguel – C4 Spike
Team Kong b. Team Beautiful People – Implant Buster to Shaw

 

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 23, 2022
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

We’re done with Slammiversary and that means things need to pick up a bit. While a few lower level titles changed hands at the pay per view, Josh Alexander retained the World Title in the main event by defeating Eric Young. That means he needs a new challenger and we might find out who that is today. Let’s get to it.

Here is Slammiversary if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Slammiversary, as you probably saw coming.

Opening sequence, now back to We Own The Night instead of the mixtures from recent weeks.

Here is Honor No More to take over the show to start, with Mike Bennett stealing a camera so Eddie Edwards can talk about how the celebration is continuing today. Everyone has been going crazy with the nostalgia but Honor No More is the one thing that people should be talking about. They didn’t lose on Sunday…..except for PCO. Vincent says he brought PCO back to life for Honor No More instead of Impact.

We hear about Traci Brooks and D’Lo Brown interfering, plus Earl Hebner suddenly being a referee. All this happened while Scott D’Amore watched on, which has Vincent thinking. They are the ones who are always making this place more interesting, but here is America’s Most Wanted to interrupt. James Storm says the lyrics to his theme music before talking about how things used to be around here. Storm sums up the problem with Honor No More: they suck.

Kenny King asks what year it is and says Storm might as well have come out here on his own. Chris Harris says if King keeps talking, he’ll make King cry harder than he did on the Bachelorette. Violence is teased but AMW brings out the Good Brothers to even things up a bit more. The brawl is on but Honor No More gets the better of things until the Briscoes make the real save. House is cleaned and Honor No More is cleared out.

Gisele Shaw offers Alisha Edwards a cupcake after Masha Slamovich wrecked her. This turns into an argument, as Edwards mocks Shaw for having no friends but Shaw is off to find a partner to win the Tag Team Titles. They got more than a bit lost in the messaging here and I’m not entirely sure how they got from A to B.

Honor No More yells at Scott D’Amore so they get a ten man tag at Against All Odds and a six man tonight.

Chelsea Green vs. Mia Yim

Deonna Purrazzo comes out with Green and joins commentary. Green fires off the kicks to start and sends Yim pretty hard into the corner. They head outside with Yim hitting a suplex and we take a break. Back with Yim grabbing a bow and arrow but Green slips out and hammers away. That doesn’t last long as Green is up with a whip into the corner, setting up a Tarantula.

With that broken up as well, Green kicks her down to the floor for a breather. Back in and Yim kicks away, only to get caught with a Codebreaker into a Stomp for a rather close two. Green loads up Yim’s Eat Defeat but gets reversed into a quick belly to back suplex. Yim goes up but Purrazzo shoves her down for the crash. Cue Mickie James to jump Purrazzo, allowing Yim to hit Eat Defeat for the pin at 12:29.

Rating: B-. That might be high but I was getting into this one, even with the screwy finish. They got rolling here rather well and beat each other up for a pretty long while. It might be the best Green match I’ve ever seen and Yim wasn’t that far behind. Good stuff here and I was into it almost all the way throughout.

Post match Mia and Mickie look at each other, with a tag match seeming likely.

The Influence isn’t happy with their loss and don’t seem thrilled with each other either. Gisele Shaw comes in to offer her services to replace the injured Madison Rayne. That might be possible, if Shaw can take out Rosemary or Taya Valkyrie.

Bhupinder Gujjar/Shark Boy vs. Johnny Swinger/Zicky Dice

Shark Boy (with a rather good sized gut) starts with Swinger but it’s off to Dice before much happens. Gujjar comes in as well and gets to pummel both goons a bit before handing it right back to Shark Boy. Dice gets hammered in the corner but a Swinger distraction lets him hit a quick clothesline. That’s about it for Shark boy getting beaten on though as he gets over to Gujjar for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and the Chummer hits Swinger, followed by the middle rope spear to finish Dice at 3:44.

Rating: C. The match was nothing to see but how could you not have a good time with this? They weren’t trying to do anything more than have a good time with the old guys and Dice while giving Gujjar a win. It was a quick, fun match and that is all it was supposed to be, especially with how short they kept things here.

Post match Deaner and Joe Doering run in and take out Gujjar and Shark Boy. Deaner wants Josh Alexander out here RIGHT NOW but that’s not what he gets. Instead, he gets Alexander after a break, with Alexander asking why he’s here. Deaner hypes up Doering as Alexander’s next challenger at Against All Odds. The staredown is on with Deaner keeping up the threats/promises but Alexander promises to take Alexander out. The brawl is on with Alexander getting beaten down until security comes out and gets beaten up too. Actually hold on because Alexander wants to do this now.

Josh Alexander vs. Deaner

Non-title. Alexander strikes away to start and drops an early knee, followed by a backbreaker for two. Deaner gets sent to the apron for the running crossbody dive from Alexander to put him on the floor in a heap. That works better for Deaner who manages a posting, setting up some shots to the back of the head back inside. Deaner ties him up in the corner and hits a running dropkick to the back to jar Alexander’s neck hard.

It doesn’t seem to do much damage to Alexander, who is right back with the rolling German suplexes. The ankle lock is blocked so Alexander hits another German suplex, followed by the ankle lock in the corner. Since that can’t last, Deaner is right back with a big boot but the Deaner DDT is countered into the ankle lock for the tap at 5:12.

Rating: C. Not too bad here but there wasn’t exactly a ton of drama. Deaner is little more than the designated goon of the team and while that is a good spot for him, it doesn’t exactly leave much for him to do in the ring. Alexander running through Violent By Design for a few weeks is a fine enough short form story before we get to the Bound For Glory build, though I can’t imagine it mattering anywhere beyond Against All Odds.

Frankie Kazarian calls Slammiversary one of the best nights of his career and we hear a quick recap of the ten man tag. Now though, he wants one more match with his career rival, Chris Sabin.

Jordynne Grace is happy with her Knockouts Title win and thanks Tasha Steelz/Savannah Evans.

Steelz is ready to get her title back at Against All Odds, but first, Grace can face Evans.

Sami Callihan vs. Jack Price

Sami offers him a headlock to start before hitting a fast clothesline. The Cactus Driver 97 finishes Price at 1:21.

Post match Moose comes in and jumps Sami, including putting him through a table at ringside.

The Good Brothers tell the Briscoes they have their back in the main event. James Storm is ready to go to the ring too but first he tells Chris Harris to stay in the back and Harris actually agrees.

Sami Callihan runs into Gail Kim and wants another match with Moose. That’s cool with Gail, who makes a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun match.

Here’s what’s coming up on upcoming shows.

Honor No More vs. James Storm/Good Brothers/Briscoes

Matt Taven/Mike Bennett/Eddie Edwards for the team here. Mark drives Taven into the corner to start with Taven hitting a quick dropkick. Back up and they chop it out until Taven is taken into the corner for a running big boot from Jay. Taven gets over for the tag off to Edwards, with Storm coming in to neckbreaker him down. Everything breaks down and both Briscoes hit a dive as we take a break.

Back with Storm cleaning house until Bennett gets in a shot to the face to cut him down. They get back in and Taven hits a middle rope moonsault for two on Storm and Eddie grabs the front facelock. As you might have guessed, that means Storm can get up and drive Eddie into the corner but the referee doesn’t see the tag.

Storm manages a Backstabber out of the other corner though and the hot tag brings in Mark to really clean house. Redneck Boogie hits Taven but Eddie is back up to drop Mark. The Last Call hits Eddie but Bennett is back with a superkick. The Broton Pack to finish Mark at 15:44.

Rating: C+. I was a little confused coming into this because of the ten man tag at Against All Odds but at least we got a decent enough match here. Storm is one of those wrestlers who never ages and it is always nice to see him back in an Impact ring. Honor No More winning to get back on track is a good thing too as they still have enough status to keep them as a threat, which is a valuable thing to have.

Post match the rest of Honor No More runs in to keep up the beating but the Good Brothers run in for the save. That doesn’t work either and Mark’s leg is Pillmanized over and over to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a weird show as they had to keep things moving to get towards Against All Odds, but at the same time they had to find a way to come out from Slammiversary. They managed to stick most of the landing and at least they didn’t do anything too bad. Fun enough show, though having Against All Odds next week isn’t a great move. At least they had something here though and it was a pretty good show.

Results
Mia Yim b. Chelsea Green – Eat Defeat
Bhupinder Gujjar/Shark Boy b. Johnny Swinger/Zicky Dice – Middle rope spear to Dice
Josh Alexander b. Deaner – Ankle lock
Sami Callihan b. Jack Price – Cactus Driver 97
Honor No More b. Briscoes/James Storm – Broton Pack to Mark

 

 

 

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Slammiversary 2022
Date: June 19, 2022
Location: The Asylum, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

It’s the big twenty year celebration of Impact wrestling and the company is doing its best to flash back and move forward at the same time. The main event is Josh Alexander defending the World Title, but we also have a Queen of the Mountain match and Ultimate X to keep up the tradition. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Digital Media Title: Rich Swann vs. Brian Myers

Swann is defending but Myers has the title belt. Myers shrugs off right hands to start so Swann snaps off a headscissors to send him outside. A drop onto the apron cuts Swann off though and we hit the chinlock back inside. With that not working, Myers grabs a chinlock to keep Swann down.

Swann fights up and strikes away for two but it’s too early for the Phoenix splash. Myers hits a spear (instead of the Roster Cut) for two, only for Swann to come back with a neckbreaker. An implant DDT gives Myers two more but Swann cuts him down with Lethal Injection. The 450 finishes Myers at 7:13.

Rating: C. This was a good bit more fun than I would have bet on with Myers hitting some nice stuff (that spear was quite impressive) before falling as he should have. Swann has fallen a very long way, but at least he is doing something and is valuable enough to be a champion. Now just find something more important for him and start using the talent that he has.

Reverse Battle Royal

Chris Bey, Steve Maclin, Zicky Dice, Johnny Swinger, Shark Boy, Raj Singh, Aiden Prince, Bhupinder Gujjar, David Young, Shera, Slash, Crazzy Steve, Mike Jackson, Nate Webb, Shogun, Chase Stevens

So there are ten people on the floor to start and the first eight to get inside have a regular battle royal, with the final two having a regular singles match for the win. I think. Even commentary isn’t too sure. Dice seems to get in and then get back out, followed by Bey, Swinger, Maclin and Young getting in. We more or less pause the match to watch Jackson (72 years old) go Old School on Shera while walking along the barricade. After 84 seconds (not exaggerating), Jackson drops down onto Shera’s arm, only to have Singh jump them and send Shera in anyway.

So the field of eight is Shera, Gujjar, Stevens, Bey, Shark Boy, Young, Maclin and Swinger. Shera tosses Stevens and it’s time for the brawling on the ropes. Maclin and Bey fight to the apron as we’re told the pay per view starts in less than five minutes. Bey hits the Art of Finesse on the apron to eliminate Maclin and himself. There go Shera and Gujjar so we’re down to Swinger, Young and Shark Boy.

The spinebuster plants Shark Boy but Swinger turns on Young and tosses him out, meaning it’s Shark Boy vs. Swinger in a regular singles match. Swinger throws him out and has to be told that’s not how it works. Worry not as Swinger stops to pose, allowing Shark Boy to hit the Chummer for the win at 9:44.

Rating: C. What else are you supposed to say about this? The match is more or less the Impact version of the gimmick battle royal and there is nothing wrong with that for a show like this one. I could have gone with a bit less of watching Jackson walking around the barricade, but Shark Boy winning the match is about as fun as it could have been. Nothing important, but it was fun enough while it lasted.

The opening video looks at the history of the company, which really does have some classic moments. I know the company has a bad reputation, but twenty years is a REALLY long time in the wrestling business and Impact deserves a lot of credit for sticking around. Now some of those stars are here (“In a place between yesterday and tomorrow.”) and it’s time for a celebration of the past and a step into the future.

X-Division Title: Trey Miguel vs. Ace Austin vs. Alex Zayne vs. Andrew Everett vs. Kenny King vs. Mike Bailey

Austin is defending and this is Ultimate X, with Everett taking the place of an injured Jack Evans. Tom: “This is the 47th Ultimate X match.” I don’t think that has the same zing that you think it does. It’s a big brawl to start with Bailey and Zayne clearing the ring so they can both go for failed climb attempts. With the two of them down, Miguel sends King outside and hits a big flip dive but has to cut Austin off.

Everett comes back in but Austin kicks Miguel and Everett down without much effort. Everything breaks down again and Everett German suplexes Miguel on the apron. The big dive drops the pile though and everyone is down on the floor. Back in and Zayne hits a running super hurricanrana on Everett, leaving us with Zayne vs. King. Bailey goes up but hits the Ultimate Weapon onto the pile instead of climbing, which doesn’t seem that bright.

A bunch of people go to the corner for a Tower Of Doom, with Miguel being smart enough to chill in the corner. Then he gives Zayne a super Canadian Destroyer, which doesn’t seem as bright as GOING FOR THE BELT. King, Austin, Miguel and Bailey all go up at the same time until Miguel and King are kicked down. Bailey and Austin hang on the top and slap away at each other but Everett goes above them, only to get headscissored down. Some kicks drop Austin as well and Bailey pulls himself up to win the title at 9:50.

Rating: C+. Ultimate X is one of those matches that sounds great on paper but it’s Impact’s version of the wacky ladder match: everyone does a bunch of stuff until someone shows enough intelligence to pull the belt down. Impact has been building towards Bailey winning for a long time now so this is about as good of an idea as they had. I’m not big on the guy, but at least it has been set up over the last few weeks.

Commentary pays tribute to Bob Ryder, who was a huge part of the development of Impact but passed away in 2020. This show is dedicated to him. That’s very nice.

We run down the rest of the card.

Scott Hudson (let the flashbacks begin) talks to the Motor City Machine Guns, Frankie Kazarian and Nick Aldis about their match with Honor No More tonight. First up though, the Guns are happy with being named the best team in the company’s history. Alex Shelley lists off some of the great teams over the years (and there are some impressive ones) but they are all ready to fight tonight. Aldis says the team doesn’t look the same but what matters is that they are here because they are serious about wrestling. They have a fifth man, but you’ll have to see who it is later. Hudson: “They’re keeping it kayfabe as always.”

We get a video from Sting, talking about what his time in Impact meant to him. He really was a big deal around here and it is nice to see him here. We even hear about his feud with Hulk Hogan, who I didn’t think you could talk about around here anymore.

Knockouts Tag Team Titles: Rosemary/Taya Valkyrie vs. Influence

The Influence is defending and hold their titles like babies. Valkyrie wrestles Rayne down to start and carries her into the corner, where Rosemary tags herself in. This doesn’t sit well with Valkyrie, even though that’s how you set up a tag most of the time. Dashwood comes in as well but gets taken into the corner for a kick to the head.

Back up and Dashwood gets in a shot on Rosemary to knock her into the corner so the champs can take over. The chinlock goes on, with Rosemary suplexing her way to freedom without much effort. Valkyrie comes in to strike away at both champs and something like a Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Rayne. Everything breaks down and Rosemary’s spear is cut off.

That doesn’t seem to matter though as the champs are sent into each other, setting up stereo spears for stereo near falls. Rayne shoves Rosemary into Valkyrie though and a neckbreaker over the ropes drops Valkyrie. The Collab drops Rosemary but Valkyrie’s distraction lets Rosemary pop up. As Above So Below finishes Rayne for the pin and the titles at 7:19.

Rating: C. This could have been on any given edition of Impact and that isn’t a surprise. These titles still don’t mean much but at least it seems like teams are interested in winning them. Rosemary and Taya are kind of a thrown together team but they do have history so it could be worse. Not much of a match, though I can’t imagine that’s much of a surprise these days.

We get a video from Kurt Angle for thanking him for all of his time in Impact Wrestling. Simple and to the point here.

We recap Moose vs. Sami Callihan. Moose injured Callihan about ten months ago but Callihan is back and stalking Moose, setting up tonight’s Monster’s Ball match.

Sami Callihan vs. Moose

Monster’s Ball, meaning street fight, but with the gimmick that they have been locked away without food, water or light for 24 hours (as was the original idea of the match but it was dropped over the years). Sami jumps him during the entrance and they start fast with a slugout on the floor. A trashcan to the back drops Moose and it’s time for the cookie sheets to the head.

Moose gets in a trashcan lid shot of his own for a breather but gets smart enough to grab a water bottle and a hot dog from a fan. Sami is already busted open as Moose chokeslams him onto the apron. Moose does it again for a bonus as we’re told about this being the 54th Monster’s Ball match. Again: doesn’t sound so great. Sami gets put through a table and they get inside for the first time over four minutes into the match. Some shots to the ankle are blocked and Sami pelts a chair at Moose’s head.

The spear only sends Moose into the trashcan, which Sami stands up for a bonus. It’s time for the…barbed wire door (just go with it), allowing Moose to escape the trashcan. Moose goes up top, only to get shoved off and through a table at ringside. The thumbtacks are brought in but Sami’s tornado DDT is countered into a chokebomb into said tacks for two. Moose drags him through the tacks for a bonus but the spear is countered into a Death Valley Driver through the barbed wire door.

It’s time for a duel of the trashcan lids until both guys go down. Back up and it’s a regular slugout with Sami getting the better of things and hitting a Cactus Special for two. Another Cactus Special is cut off by a low blow and Moose sets up a trashcan. Moose goes up but gets powerbombed onto the (standing up) trashcan. Another Cactus Special gives Sami one so he grabs another one for the pin at 14:55.

Rating: B-. This is a good example of a match where if you’ve seen it once, you’ve seen it a dozen times. They hit all of the regular spots and Sami won to set him back on the right road after being gone for so long. I’m not sure what is next for Sami around here, but there are certainly a lot of people for him to beat him in one violent match like this after another.

We recap the Good Brothers vs. the Briscoes for the Tag Team Titles. The Briscoes won the titles but the Brothers said that it doesn’t matter until the Briscoes beat the. Throw in a trip to the Briscoes’ farm and it’s time for a title/grudge match.

Tag Team Titles: Good Brothers vs. Briscoes

The Briscoes are defending. It’s a brawl to start (shocking) with the Briscoes getting the better of things and double shouldering Anderson down. Some flip dives drop the Brothers again and Jay spinebusters Anderson on the stage. Mark gets back in and Jay tosses him a chair, which he uses for a running flip dive to take out the Brothers again. Back in and Mark hits Anderson with something like a Claymore but Anderson sends Jay into the chair in the corner to cut him off for a change.

The chinlock doesn’t last long on Jay as he fights up and superkicks his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Mark to clean house with right hands and an enziguri as we hear about some great Impact teams of years past. An Iconoclasm gets two on Anderson but he’s right back with a spinebuster for two. The reverse 3D sets up the Magic Killer, with Jay making the save. Jay is sent into the post though and that means it is going to be awhile before he is ready for a tag.

Mark tries to fight his own way out of trouble but gets dropped with a single shot to the face. The Gun Stun is blocked and Jay comes back in (minus the tag) to help clean house. The Jay Driller and Doomsday Device are both broken up and a kick to the face drops Jay. Now the Magic Killer can connect to give the Brothers the pin and the titles at 10:06.

Rating: C+. This was surprisingly short as I was expecting something long and a bit epic. Instead, we got a pretty fast but hard hitting match without much of the Brothers being in control until the end. The Briscoes losing again is a bit surprising, but maybe they aren’t locked in as long as the Brothers at this point. I’m not thrilled with the Brothers winning, as they have dominated for far too long, but at least the Briscoes were able to breathe some fresh life into the division for awhile.

Post match respect is teased but here is America’s Most Wanted to interrupt. James Storm says tag team wrestling has always meant something around here and he is proud that this company has made it twenty years. After being told they wouldn’t last a week, a month or a year, sorry about your d*** luck. Beer is consumed.

We get a tribute to Mike Tenay and Don West. That’s rather awesome, though not so much with West battling lymphoma.

We recap Honor No More vs. the Impact originals. It’s the team that is all about respect and history vs. the team that doesn’t care in a story that pretty much writes itself.

Christy Hemme brings out Scott D’Amore (in Coach gear) for commentary.

Honor No More vs. Motor City Machine Guns/Frankie Kazarian/Nick Aldis/???

Maria is back with Honor No More (Eddie Edwards/Matt Taven/Mike Bennett/Vincent/PCO). Aldis is billed as a former NWA World Champion. True, but you would think his two Impact World Title reigns might carry a bit more weight here. There is a mystery partner and it’s….Dixie Carter? Ah never mind as she’s here for a speech (shocking I know) and also to introduce…Davey Richards. Not a name I would have bet on, or one I wanted to see for that matter, but he’s a name from the past.

It’s a brawl to start with the Guns beating up the Kingdom until we settle down to Aldis suplexing Bennett. Vincent and Kazarian come in to slug it out before we get the battle of the Wolves. Well maybe in a bit as Edwards hands it off to Taven instead, meaning it’s a parade of beatings. Everything breaks down and Honor No More takes turns getting beaten up in a bunch of corners. Shelley finally gets sent into the corner for a bunch of running shots, setting up Vincent’s running Downward Spiral for two.

Taven’s moonsault sets up Just The Top for two but PCO’s De-Animator misses. Shelley fights out of the corner, including a double Sliced Bread to Vincent and Edwards, which finally allows the hot tag off to Kazarian. House is cleaned again before it’s off to Aldis for a bunch of right hands. Everything breaks down again and it’s the Dream Sequence to Edwards, followed by a big dive to Bennett. Taven busts out the Flight Of The Conqueror to take out the pile, leaving Edwards vs. Richards again.

Richards gets the better of things and grabs the dragon screw legwhip in the ropes. The top rope double stomp misses but Richards is fine enough to grab a leglock on Edwards. Everyone in Honor No More outside of PCO gets caught in a hold so it’s PCO making the save. A Vader Bomb gets two on Sabin but the PCOsault misses Aldis. The Michinoku Driver puts PCO down and Richards adds the top rope double stomp for two.

Maria gets up on the apron for a distraction but Traci Brooks (Kazarian’s wife) pulls her off for a right hand. Kazarian saves Traci from PCO and it’s a top rope Flux Capacitor to plant PCO for two. Cue Kenny King to go after Kazarian but D’Lo Brown makes the save with a heck of a Sky High. There’s a Low Down to make it worse and the Guns strike away at PCO. The Kingdom gets dropped as well and there’s the Cradle Shock to PCO….with Earl Hebner coming over the barricade to count the pin at 18:46.

Rating: B-. This was the wild match that the show needed as a big celebration of the company’s history. That is something that you have to have on a show like this and it worked well enough. It helps that the match was good, but this was all about the history and tradition and that was a success.

AJ Styles talks about some of his favorite moments in TNA, including the Unbreakable three way with Samoa Joe and Christopher Daniels. Styles has been named the Most Impactful X-Division wrestler and male wrestler overall and he thanks WWE for letting him do this, because Impact is that important. You can’t have a show like this without hearing from Styles so this had to be here.

We recap Queen Of The Mountain and go over the still ridiculous rules. It’s a five way match with wrestlers having to score a pin to become eligible to hang the title. When someone is pinned, they go to a penalty box for two minutes. The first person to climb a ladder and hang the title (because it’s a reverse ladder match with pins and a penalty box) wins.

Knockouts Title: Jordynne Grace vs. Tasha Steelz vs. Mia Yim vs. Deonna Purrazzo vs. Chelsea Green

Steelz, with Savannah Evans, is defending in Queen Of The Mountain and Mickie James is guest enforcer. Steelz has Mickie themed gear describing herself as “The Greatest Who Beat The Greatest” for a nice touch. The bell rings and Steelz bails to the floor to grab a table with Evans. Yim takes both of them out with a dive and Green hits her own flip dive (thankfully not breaking her arm for a change).

Purrazzo adds her own dive and Green rolls Steelz up to become eligible and send her to the penalty box for two minutes. Mickie sends Evans into the box as well, leaving Grace and Yim to beat up Purrazzo. Steelz and Evans are out with Steelz getting to strike away. Evans gets back inside and is ejected by Mickie, leaving Steelz to kick green down. Yim makes the save and suplexes Green for the pin/eligibility/penalty box time.

Green isn’t happy and hits Mickie with the door as Purrazzo has to cut off Yim from hanging the title. With Yim going up anyway, Steelz comes off the top with a cutter to pull her back down. As Purrazzo armbars Steelz, Green is released and takes Grace down with a spear. Steelz taps so Purrazzo can be eligible but it’s time to go after Grace. A Backstabber sends her outside as Green sends Yim into the corner for two. Green holds up the title as Steelz is released from the box.

The ladder is laid up against the ropes and it’s Yim coming off the penalty box to dropkick Green into said ladder. Yim hits a big dive to take out a bunch of people, setting up a package piledriver on the floor to pin Grace (remember Yim was already eligible). Green headbutts Steelz down and goes up but James is back in to break it up in an act of rather unprofessional revenge.

Purrazzo powerbombs Yim onto a ladder and goes up at the same time as Green. As Grace is released, Yim shoves the ladder over to put both Green and Purrazzo through the table. Yim gets dropped and double pinned by Grace and Steelz, meaning everyone is eligible. Steelz goes up but Grace hits her with a MuscleBuster for the pin, allowing Grace to hang the title for the win at 18:24.

Rating: C+. What do you say about a match like this? It’s total insanity and the rules are such a mess that it is quite the chore to keep track of everything that is going on. Grace was the monster throughout the match and it makes sense to have her win, as she hasn’t been around the title in a long time. Granted Masha Slamovich seems to be waiting on whoever won the title, but Grace winning is nice to see.

Goldilocks, the original backstage interviewer, talks to the most Impactful Knockout of all time: Gail Kim (I was hoping for Roxie Laveaux), who is rather pleased with everything that has been going on.

We recap Eric Young challenging Josh Alexander for the World Title. Alexander wants to lead the promotion into the future while Young wants chaos. And the title.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Josh Alexander vs. Eric Young

Young, with the rest of Violent By Design, is challenging. Feeling out process to start with Alexander driving him into the corner to little avail. A slap off goes to Alexander but seems to wake Young up a bit. Young clotheslines him down but gets kicked away to give us another standoff. Alexander grabs a quick Regal Roll, only to miss a moonsault. Young misses one of his own and it’s another standoff, because they like those things a lot.

This time it’s Alexander taking him into the corner for the Samoa Joe facewash but Young grabs a quick Death Valley Driver. Deaner loads up a table at ringside as Alexander fights back, only to get knocked off the top. Young’s top rope elbow gets two and it’s time to rip up the ring mat. The delay lets Alexander hit a powerbomb into some kind of a Boston crab (again with the Samoa Joe).

The C4 Spike is broken up and Young hits a Stroke for two of his own. A Black Hole Slam gives Young another two as the fans are rather pleased. Alexander drops him and hits a Christopher Daniels Best Moonsault Ever, followed by a Styles Clash into the ankle lock. Young is in trouble so Deaner throws powder into the referee’s eyes, meaning Young’s tap doesn’t count.

Doering gets up on the apron so Alexander hits an Angle Slam to drive him through the table. Deaner whips out the flag but Alexander has Coach D’Amore’s Canadian flag hockey stick. The distraction lets Young but a guitar shot for two and it’s time to rip up even more of the ring. A piledriver on the exposed wood gives Young two more and Alexander has had it. The release Rock Bottom onto the wood sets up the C4 Spike onto the same wood to give Alexander the pin at 18:45.

Rating: C+. As gimmicky as this was, and it was REALLY gimmicky, I had a lot more fun doing the tribute to the big moves of Impact’s past than trying to do a bunch of stuff that wouldn’t have been as interesting. Young vs. Alexander is not a big time main event so giving it a bunch of other stuff to hide that fact is a good idea. It was getting fun trying to guess what big move would be next and I had a much better time than I would have had with these two in a straight match.

Overall Rating: B-. There was a hard balance to hold together on this show and they wound up doing a good enough job with the whole thing. Balancing a big celebration of the past while also being a big show focused on the present is harder than it seems and they made it work for the most part. Nothing was too bad, though it also never had that one big match or moment that made it feel special. Seeing AJ Styles appear was a surprise and brought up the most emotions, but that isn’t exactly a good thing as he hasn’t worked here in years. Overall, a good show, but only a necessary watch if you’re a diehard Impact/TNA fan.

Results
Mike Bailey won Ultimate X
Rosemary/Taya Valkyrie b. Influence – As Above So Below to Rayne
Sami Callihan b. Moose – Cactus Special
Good Brothers b. Briscoes – Magic Killer to Jay
Frankie Kazarian/Motor City Machine Guns/Davey Richards/Nick Aldis b. Honor No More – Cradle Shock to PCO
Jordynne Grace won Queen of the Mountain
Josh Alexander b. Eric Young – C4 Spike onto the exposed boards

 

 

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 12, 2022
Location: Promowest Pavilion, Newport, Kentucky
Commentators: Tom Hannifan, Matthew Rehwoldt

We’re done with Under Siege and that means we need a new #1 contender. Josh Alexander successfully defended the World Title against Tomohiro Ishii so now it’s time for something new. That means the return of the Gauntlet For The Gold, a huge gauntlet match, to crown a new #1 contender. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Tom Hannifan and Matthew Rehwoldt are in the ring to hype up the Gauntlet For The Gold.

Video on Gauntlet For The Gold.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Chris Bey vs. Kenny King

The winner is in the Ultimate X X-Division Title match at Slammiversary and Maria Kanellis-Bennett is on commentary. King takes him down with a headlock to start but gets armdragged into an armbar. A dropkick puts King on the floor, where he gets knocked down again for a bonus. Back in and King hits some running knees in the corner for two, followed by a snap powerslam for the same.

The neck crank goes on for a bit before King misses a springboard spinning legdrop. Bey’s torture rack neckbreaker gets two but King grabs the Chin Checker into the tiger driver for two. That has Maria VERY fired up and in full cheerleader mode but Bey cuts her off with a slingshot DDT for two of his own. Standing Sliced Bread plants King and Bey goes up, only to have Maria offer a distraction. The Royal Flush sends King to Slammiversary at 8:35.

Rating: C+. Good choice for an opener here as there was almost no way that this wasn’t going to work. King is someone with enough of a resume around here that he is going to tie into the history and feel like a viable challenger so the win is a good idea. Bey losing is a bit weird, but maybe he can get back in there some other way.

Gisele Shaw and Alisha Edwards don’t seem to get along before their Knockouts Tag Team Title shot. Yes, another thrown together team.

Knockouts Tag Team Titles: Influence vs. Alisha Edwards/Gisele Shaw

Edwards and Shaw are challenging and it’s Edwards rolling Rayne up for some near falls to start. Everything breaks down early and stereo Thesz presses have the champs in trouble as we take a break. Back with Edwards beating on Dashwood until a Rayne distraction cuts her off.

Dashwood grabs a neckbreaker for two and the champs take turns choking in the corner. Rayne’s neckbreaker gets two of her own but Edwards gets over for the hot tag to Edwards without much trouble. House is cleaned, including a spear for two on Shaw. Edwards tags herself back in though and it’s the double Stroke to retain the titles at 11:07.

Rating: C-. With the IInspiration gone, I continue to not exactly see the need for these titles to exist. Until some more teams are built up, they are glorified vanity trophies for the Influence and no one else. As usual, there just isn’t that much depth to support them and it shows more and more every time they get to face another thrown together tag team.

Violent By Design promises to get the Tag Team Titles back next week. For tonight though, Eric Young is winning the Gauntlet For The Gold.

Here is Gail Kim for a chat. She is excited about the 20th anniversary Slammiversary, which means we need something historic. This time around that is going to mean the first ever Queen Of The Mountain match. The five names participating are Tasha Steelz, Chelsea Green, Jordynne Grace, Deonna Purrazzo and….here are Steelz and Savannah Evans to interrupt.

Steelz can’t believe how much Kim is doing to take the title from her but she knows that Evans is going to be the fifth entrant. Actually no, because the fifth entrant is…..MIA YIM! That sends Steelz over the edge but the lights go out and Yim, with minions, is here for the save. Purrazzo comes in to help beat Yim down but Taya Valkyrie and Grace make the real save.

Rich Swann is ready for Gauntlet For The Gold but he also doesn’t think much of Digital Media Champion Matt Cardona.

Bullet Club vs. Tomohiro Ishii/Josh Alexander

Jay White/El Phantasmo for the Club. White and Alexander start things off but we’ll go with Phantasmo before anything can happen. Phantasmo actually takes him to the mat, which isn’t ok with Alexander. That means Phantasmo gets sent into the corner for the tag to White, who gets to face Ishii. White gets run over with a shoulder but it’s too early for the brainbuster. Instead White runs him over and gets to pose a bit, as he likes to do.

The choking on the ropes ensues and it’s back to Phantasmo, only to have Ishii get fired up. Some double teaming slows Ishii down though and it’s White chopping him in the corner. Ishii finally gets in a shot of his own though and the hot tag brings in Alexander to run over Phantasmo. Everything breaks down and the C4 Spike hits White, with Phtantasmo making the save. It’s back to Ishii, who German suplexes Phantasmo and Alexander decks White. The sliding lariat sets up the brainbuster to finish Phantasmo at 10:32.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here, as the Bullet Club takes a hit. That being said, losing to the World Champion and a star like Ishii is hardly a devastating loss. White vs. Alexander has to be at least a candidate for the Bound For Glory World Title shot assuming it is still a possibility and keeping the two of them mostly apart here was a good idea. Alexander’s roll continues though, and I’m not sure who is supposed to stop him.

The Briscoes, the new Impact Tag Team Champions, are ready for Violent By Design again next week.

Here’s what’s coming next week.

Gauntlet For The Gold

Royal Rumble style, twenty entrants, two minute interval to start then ninety seconds each (weird), regular match when it gets down to two. Chris Sabin is in at #1 and Alex Shelley is in at #2 by the power of coincidence. A battle over wrist control doesn’t get either of them anywhere as commentary talks about the history of Gauntlet For The Gold. Neither can get the better of anything and it’s Eddie Edwards in at #3.

The Guns wisely start in together on Edwards but he clothesliens both of them down in a bit of a surprise. Vincent, also of Honor No More, is in at #4 to give us a mini tag match. Oddly the Guns get the better of things when their odds are worse and it’s Steve Maclin in at #5. The Guns are dropped again and it’s Maclin working with Honor No More (though he doesn’t seem happy to do so) until Shark Boy makes his return at #6.

The Chummer hits Maclin and the Guns are back up to help clean house. A double Chummer hits Honor No More and we take a break. Back with Shark Boy gone, Raj Singh having come in at #7, Trey Miguel having come in at #8 and Bhupinder Gujjar coming in at #9. Gujjar beats up and elimiantes Singh, because that is the only reason these two exist around here.

Shera is in at #10 and slugs it out with Gujjar with Shera getting the better of things. W. Morrissey is in at #11 and gets to clean house, including eliminating Shera and Vincent. Eric Young is in at #12 and hits Morrissey with a hockey mask, setting up the piledriver. Young blocks Gujjar’s skinning the cat attempt and tosses him out and Maclin hits Miguel with an Irish Curse.

Johnny Swinger, in a mini Wrestlemania III ring cart (as powered by Zicky Dice in a hilarious bit) wacks to the ring like a Bushwhacker, is in at #13, gets tossed, and wacks his way out as we take another break. Back again with Black Taurus having come in at #14, Heath having come in at #15 and having to be saved by Rhino at #16. The Gore hits Edwards and he gets tossed out as we see Shelley being eliminated during the break.

Moose is in at #17 and tosses Taurus and Rhino in short order. Heath slugs away at Moose and gets tossed as well but it’s Rich Swann in at #18 to get the numbers back up a bit. Swann hits Moose with a Lethal Injection but Young slows him down with a low blow. Matt Cardona’s….music plays, as Matthew Rehwoldt is in at #19 to toss Swann from behind. PCO is in at #20 and gets to clean some house, including eliminating Rehwoldt.

Morrissey and PCO get the big slugout (with Morrissey TOWERING over him) until Maclin tosses both of them in an impressive feat. That gives us a final four of Moose, Young, Maclin and Sabin, with Moose being the only one standing. Then the lights go back and it’s Sami Callihan (who returned at Under Siege) to get rid of Moose. Rage seems to be implied as we’re down to three.

Maclin and Young start stomping on Sabin in the corner but he’s back up with a double clothesline. Sabin manages to send Maclin to the apron though and some dropkicks put him down,meaning it’s Sabin vs. Young in a regular match for the title shot. Young knocks him down and hits the top rope elbow for two, plus a clothesline for the same. Sabin is back with a tornado DDT for the same but the Cradle Shock is countered into a piledriver to give Young the pin and the title shot at 36:34.

Rating: C+. The best thing that you can say about a match like this is that it didn’t drag and they managed to make it work here. They even had some comic relief with Swinger and Shark Boy in there to make things a bit more fun. As for Young winning….I guess it works, though it doesn’t exactly feel like something that should be headlining what is often their best show of the year. Maybe it winds up working, but it isn’t exactly exciting.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was built around one match and that match wound up doing rather well. That is a rare change of pace for Impact, as they rarely come out hot after a bigger show. Hopefully they can keep that up, as Slammiversary could be quite the success if they put everything together well. They have a main event set, and while it could be good, they might have their work cut out for them to make the card feel that important. It can be done, but it won’t be the easiest trick.

Results
Kenny King b. Chris Bey – Royal Flush
Influence b. Gisele Shaw/Alisha Edwards – Double faceplant to Edwards
Tomohiri Ishii/Josh Alexander b. Bullet Club – Brainbuster to El Phantasmo
Eric Young won Gauntlet For The Gold last eliminating Chris Sabin

 

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re officially in the Ethan Carter III era, which means tonight is going to be a big celebration. It’s going to be interesting to see where the company goes with Ethan on top, because he was clearly the next logical choice to take the title. Oh and Dixie is back. Yes, about a year after she left, Dixie Carter makes her big return tonight to either congratulate or help deal with her nephew, because the world just wouldn’t be complete without the Duchess of Darlin out there to guide us through life. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the World Title change last week. That really was the only way to go.

Here are Ethan and Tyrus to open things up. Ethan: “DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION YET??? I am the undisputed World Heavyweight Champion and the greatest living wrestler alive.” Dixie has given him free reign tonight, meaning he’s booked the entire card. Therefore, he’ll be defending his title not EC-once, not EC-twice, but EC3 times. This brings out Matt Hardy, who says he took Angle to the limit before Carter’s title shot.

If Ethan is so keen to defend the title tonight, how about Matt Hardy getting a chance? Ethan declines, because Matt may have taken Angle to the limit, but the champ took him over the limit. True actually. Instead, Matt can have a tag match, if he can find someone to replace his idiot brother. Actually Ethan doesn’t mean against he and Tyrus though, meaning it’s time for the Dirty Heels. You can see the talent departures starting to take effect already.

Matt Hardy vs. Dirty Heels

Carter is in on commentary and gets in an argument about Twitter to start. The numbers game has Matt in early trouble as you would expect with Roode dropping Matt face first in a gordbuster. Aries argues with the referee so Roode can punch Hardy in the face behind the referee’s back. That’s quite the dirty heel move.

Ethan’s mic stops working as Matt hooks what used to be called the Ice Pick on Roode until Aries makes a quick save. That earns Austin an Ice Pick but he blocks the Twist of Fate. Instead it’s a suplex over the ropes but Bobby plays Heenan by tripping the leg so Aries can fall on top for the pin at 5:01. Carter: “THEY’RE SO DIRTY!”

Rating: D+. This seems like part of Carter’s reign of terror, but at the same time it seems like it might be a way to just throw people into matches because they don’t have stories for everyone. The Heels cheating makes sense but it wasn’t a good match either way. That’s the problem with shows like this: it makes for a long night of heel dominance, which can be a chore to sit through.

Here’s the Rising for their big breakup speech. Drew promises to keep standing up for wrestling and Drake says one day he’ll show Galloway what it means for Drew getting him in the door. The team leaves Drew alone in the ring and Ethan grabs a mic and starts to cry. It’s sad to see Drew like this, but it’s even sadder that he has a 3-1 handicap match right now.

Drew Galloway vs. Khoya/Abyss/Manik

Drew is in jeans and the beatdown is on early. A clothesline and neckbreaker give Galloway a breather but a BIG Sky High powerbomb from Khoya plants him back down. Abyss doesn’t like Khoya going for the pin though, allowing Drew to catch Manik in a backbreaker. As the other two argue, a big boot to Manik’s jaw (well the mask around his jaw) is enough for the big upset pin at 2:18. Well done on mixing up the heel dominance and hopefully this leads to the official end of the Revolution.

Mr. Anderson congratulates Carter on winning the title but thinks he’d be a great option for one of those three title shots. Carter disagrees and gives Anderson a match next.

Mr. Anderson vs. Bram

Bram gets taken to the mat to start and eats a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a Regal Roll. Well the second attempt at one but it’s better late than never right? A Swanton gets two but Bram elbows out of the Mic Check. That earns him a clothesline out to the floor, only to have Bram nail Anderson with a chair for the DQ at 2:59. That was kind of pointless.

Bram keeps beating Anderson up after the match and orders the mic to be dropped, which he uses to bash Anderson’s head in, drawing some blood in the process.

Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz

Street fight. Robbie starts fast and takes it outside for a running flip dive off the apron. A running trashcan shot “knocks the Adonis complex out of the Adonis” (ok that was a good line) and it’s time to head inside. Robbie blasts him between the legs with a kendo stick, which is somehow a way for Josh to transition to plugging another Destination America show.

The cheap plug apparently ticked Jesse off enough that he’s able to send Robbie back first into the post, followed by a buckle bomb. It’s nice to see some basic body part work to set up a submission hold. That’s often considered too basic today but it still works just fine. Robbie comes back with a White Russian legsweep to make Jesse drop his kendo stick before sending him into a trashcan in the corner.

A reverse DDT onto the chair gets two for Robbie but Jesse crotches him on top. Jesse powerbombs him through two chairs in what really should have been the finish (Pope sounds more confused than shocked on the kickout) but instead he has to put Robbie in the Adonis Lock with a chair over Robbie’s back for the pass out at 8:30.

Rating: C+. I had a much better time with this than I was expecting to and both guys are looking great at the moment. They made a very smart move here by not having Robbie tap out. They’ve done a very good job of making Robbie seem like a potentially serious deal, though I can’t imagine Jesse getting very far with a Boston crab finisher.

Lashley wants a title shot but gets Tyrus instead.

Kurt Angle says Ethan’s gauntlet has gotten a lot more interesting.

The Jarretts say they can’t believe that they’re they’re back after everything that happened but TNA is one of the many promotions they’re partnering with. The King of the Mountain Title is going to be defended in Global Force Wrestling and other promotions around the world. That’s not much, but at least we got SOMETHING this week.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???

First up for Ethan is….Norv Fernum. Pope is of course aghast at these developments. A right hand and the 1%er are enough for the pin in 45 seconds.

Carter sits down in the corner and gets water. “To the body? To the body!”

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???

It’s Shark Boy, complete with a quick plug for Shark Week on Discovery Channel. For some reason Pope thinks this one is hilarious. Shark Boy looks about seven months pregnant. Tyrus: “You’re going to need a bigger boat.” Shark Boy gets in some offense but the 1%er takes him out in 54 seconds.

Carter is ready for the third match and here’s Kurt. Contract, rematch clause, tonight.

Lashley vs. Tyrus

Carter is on commentary again. Lashley runs into Tyrus to start but has a sleeper quickly broken. Instead, Tyrus plants him down with a side slam and drops an elbow for two. It’s hard to believe that Tyrus is in his early 40s. The guy made the big time fairly late in his career and it’s hard to fathom on occasion. Lashley can’t slam him so Tyrus throws him down with a t-bone suplex. That’s fine with Lashley who throws Tyrus onto his shoulder for an electric chair (but he couldn’t slam him?), followed by a spear to put Tyrus away at 4:46.

Rating: D+. Pretty meh match here as Tyrus isn’t exactly great in the ring. The match wasn’t horrible but it was really just an extended workout for Lashley. That’s all well and good though as he’ll likely be back in the main event scene soon enough, which is where Lashley belongs.

The end of the Jarretts’ interview talks about how his goals for Global Force line up with TNA’s and everybody wins. The real history of TNA is in the list of great names they’ve had over the years (including Don West oddly enough) and that’s Jeff’s legacy.

Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky

Before the match, Madison tells Velvet that she belongs in the crowd instead of the ring. The brawl is on because this match needed a story I guess. I’ll take it over “they were in the Beautiful People!” again though. They quickly head outside with Madison being sent shoulder first into the post. Madison grabs a northern lights suplex but has to clutch her shoulder after the kickout. Velvet shrugs off some offense and kicks Madison in the face, setting up the Stunner for the pin at 3:36.

Rating: D+. As usual, Velvet is nothing to see in the ring. Well, her wrestling isn’t at least. The division continues to just kind of meander along except for the title feud, and Velvet being near the top again isn’t something interesting. The fact that it seems like we’re headed for another Gail Kim title reign or at least feud with the Dollhouse makes it even worse. Velvet just doesn’t do it for me anymore after we’ve seen what the girls are capable of doing and that’s not good going forward.

Some TNA wrestlers were at a charity camp. That’s always cool to see.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III b. Kurt Angle

Carter, defending, immediately runs to the floor and the stalling begins. Back in and a suplex gets two on the champ and Ethan is back on the floor, demanding a faster count. Kurt goes after him this time and it’s time to roll some Germans. Tyrus gets knocked off the apron and there’s the ankle lock, but Ethan punches the referee. He taps out and Hebner calls for the bell at 3:26. That’s the bell for the DQ of course.

Rating: D. Yeah whatever. I don’t think this one really warrants a full explanation.

Post break and Ethan is still in the ring, saying he got out of that one. Now for the big cherry on top, here’s Dixie! And it’s to SILENCE. On a taped show no less. Ethan is ready for his congratulations for winning the World Title and defending the Carter name but Dixie cuts him off and says she doesn’t recognize the person she was last year. Now it’s Ethan who is out of control and OH MY GOODNESS they’re really making this all about Dixie again.

Yes, after all that time of her turning the show into a playground, we’re supposed to cheer for her because she’s seen the light or whatever. Ethan is taking over so Dixie is ready to announce a matchmaker so he’ll have to defend the title against quality competition. It’s not Dixie (thank goodness) and darlin (you knew that was coming), we’ll find out who that is next week.

Overall Rating: C-. The show wasn’t terrible but as usual, TNA doesn’t know how to let there be more than one major story at once. Above all else though, I do not want to see Dixie Carter on TV. I understand that she is the President of the company and all that jazz, but she is not an interesting character. It feels like the most forced idea in the world and something that the fans do not want to see. HHH was a monster when he left but returned in 2002 to one of the loudest pops of all time. Dixie returned after a year to crickets. What does that tell you about her?

Other than that though, there was too much packed into this show. We had two handicap matches, a street fight and a match that ended in a DQ. It’s too much in one night and that’s not something you want to do here. They need to calm this stuff down, even though they’re running out of time. Look at the Knockouts match for example. That easily could have been cut out and had it’s five minutes handed to something else. That’s where TNA doesn’t get it: they need to stop pushing everything into one show when there’s another week coming up.

Results

Dirty Heels b. Matt Hardy – Aries pinned Hardy with Roode holding his leg

Drew Galloway b. Khoya/Abyss/Manik – Big boot to Manik

Mr. Anderson b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a chair

Jesse Godderz b. Robbie E. – Adonis Lock

Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – 1%er

Ethan Carter III b. Shark Boy – 1%er

Lashley b. Tyrus – Spear

Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – Stunner

Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter punched the referee

Next up a cult favorite: Shark Boy.

Shark Boy got his start in early 1997, wrestling primarily in HWA out of Cincinnati and OVW out of Louisville. We’ll look at him on WCW Saturday Night on February 12, 2000.

Shark Boy vs. Norman Smiley

Heenan: “Have you seen Shark Boy with anyone today?” Scott Hudson: “No I haven’t.” Heenan: “So he’s a lone shark.” Smiley shoves him down and dances to start and nails a shoulder block, earning him a bit on the pants. He bails to the floor and gets nailed with a plancha, only to take him back in for a spinning slam.

It’s not time for the Big Wiggle yet as Bobby is talking about taxidermy. A sunset flip is countered but the Big Wiggle lets Sharky nail a bulldog for no cover. We hit a reverse chinlock on Smiley as things slow down. A bad looking dropkick puts Smiley down for two but Shark Boy charges into an elbow in the corner, setting up the Norman’s Conquest (cross face chicken wing) for the submission.

Rating: C-. Not a bad little match here with Shark Boy getting in some offense and showing off a bit, but still being a total gimmick instead of anything polished. Then again this is far bigger than wrestling in OVW or HWA for him so getting to show off a bit is the best thing that could happen to his career.

Speaking of HWA, we’ll look at Shark Boy at the third annual Brian Pillman Memorial Show, promoted by HWA.

HWA Cruiserweight Title: Shark Boy vs. Jamie-San

HWA is the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which served as a developmental territory for both WCW and the WWF over the years. Shark Boy is defending and Jamie-San is Jamie Noble. The footage is pretty low quality and there’s no commentary here at all. ECW/WCW goon Tony Marinara is with Jamie here for some reason. They trade wristlocks to start and Shark Boy gets two off an O’Connor Roll, giving us a stalemate. Time for some technical stuff with a nice little chain wrestling sequence leading to stalemate the sequel.

Back up and Sharky armdrags him down and Jamie bails to the floor. Jamie gets back in, only to be bitten on the trousers. Marinara gets the same and it’s back to the floor for healing. Shark Boy breaks up their meeting with a nice dive but Jamie pulls him off the apron and sends him into the barricade. Jamie is supposed to be Japanese but he sounds like a hayseed whenever he talks trash, killing the idea dead. Sharky takes a running clothesline in the corner but comes out with a spinning sunset flip for two.

Jamie kind of misses a middle rope dropkick for two and we hit the chinlock. Really basic stuff so far but it’s not bad. It’s strange to see Shark Boy as just a guy (who happens to think he’s a shark) instead of a cult favorite. The hold stays on for a good while, which is a pretty big waste of Jamie’s talents in the time they have. The fans are WAY into Shark Boy here so maybe the cult favorite aspect is still around.

The champion finally comes back by sending Jamie into the corner and puts him down with a facebuster. There are ten punches in the corner and a middle rope hurricanrana gets two for the champion. The Dead Sea Drop (more commonly called Diamond Dust, flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into a reverse layout DDT (Christian uses it a lot) for two. Jamie misses a top rope headbutt so Sharky grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the corner, putting him in perfect position for the Dead Sea Drop and the pin to retain.

Rating: C. This was fine. The matches tonight are going to depend on who is in the ring as I’ll be harsher on indy guys than I will be on big time talent. It’s nice to see indy guys who have talent out there like Shark Boy as some matches from this level can be DREADFUL, which I’m sure we’ll hit at some point tonight. This was a nice little match though and both guys looked solid in the ring.

Off to the WWA for the Revolution PPV.

Nova vs. AJ Styles vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Shark Boy vs. Low Ki

Elimination rules here and no one gets an entrance. It’s probably a good thing that they have to tag here. Styles vs. Mamaluke to start and they trade arm control. The camera keeps changing angles and it’s getting annoying. Mamaluke is bleeding from the nose as he hits a German to send AJ down onto his shoulder. Shark Boy comes in to fight Tony and gets clotheslined down.

Nova is standing on the floor, drinking water. Shark Boy hits an atomic drop and bites the place where his knee went. Off to Low Ki who gets atomic dropped as well, but comes back with a kick to Shark Boy’s head before he gets bitten. Daniels vs. Low Ki now and you know the strikes are coming here. A Capo Kick staggers Daniels and Nova gets tagged so hard that he spills his drink.

Apparently Nova is a businessman now. I’ve never seen a businessman in workout pants and no shirt but whatever. He works on Daniels’ arm a bit before it’s back to Low Ki. A double gordbuster puts Daniels down and it’s off to Mamaluke. There are the kicks from Low Ki and a double suplex by Ki and Sharky, but there was no tag so Shark Boy’s cover gets no count.

Things start to break down a bit as Sharky Boy and Mamaluke go to the floor for some dives. They wind up in the crowd (which is carpeted) as AJ pounds on Nova in the ring. Nova hooks a modified Crossface which goes nowhere because they’re not legal. Shark Boy hits a top rope rana on Mamaluke for two, even though the referee’s hand hit the mat three times. Low Ki comes in and hits a cartwheel kick on the distracted Shark Boy for the first elimination.

Off to AJ vs. Low Ki as the camera angles start to show a few details about the “arena”. There’s no ramp that I can see, and all of the seats are opposite the screen. I believe they’re in a theater, which is a really weird visual and atmosphere. Low Ki hits a HARD kick to the head (I’m shocked) but AJ comes back with forearms to the head. Both guys hit cross bodies so it’s off to Mamaluke vs. Daniels.

An STO kills Mamaluke who is a bloody mess. Daniels loads up the BME (I think) but Styles breaks it up for no apparent reason. AJ gets knocked down (I think. The camera direction here is a nightmare) so Mamaluke hits a belly to back off the top for two. Daniels hits the Angel’s Wings for no cover, instead tagging in Styles for the Clash to get us down to four people.

Nova comes in with a backbreaker on Styles for two before it’s back to Daniels vs. Styles. Even before TNA existed this was happening a lot. Styles tags in Low Ki who strikes away even harder on Daniels. Low Ki charges into a spinning electric chair of all things and a top rope elbow from Nova gets two on the kicking dude. Nova goes up and gets crotched, but as Low Ki goes up, he gets elbowed down into the Tree of Woe. Low Ki sits up and pulls Nova down into a rear naked choke while they’re both upside down.

Daniels comes in and is immediately thrown out, followed by everyone going to the floor. Daniels dives onto Low Ki so Styles hits a Shooting Star Press to the floor. This camera work is REALLY annoying as it either keeps cutting away or it has awkward shots of everything. Back in the ring, Low Ki loads up a rana on Nova, but Daniels runs the corner and hits a top rope Rock Bottom on Low Ki for the elimination.

Nova dropkicks Daniels to the floor so it’s Styles vs. Nova legally I guess. AJ is busted too. Everyone is in now and Daniels kicks Nova down and AJ gets two off a neckbreaker to Christopher. Daniels takes AJ down and hits the BME for two. There’s a dragon sleeper to AJ but Nova hooks a standing Last Chancery on Daniels at the same time. Nova grabs Daniels from behind but Styles sunset flips Nova, sending Daniels flying in the suplex.

AJ shoves Nova off the top and counters Daniels’ rana into a middle rope Styles Clash to get us down to one on one. A pair of rollups get two for Nova, as does a Downward Spiral. AJ gets two of his own off a German and Tessmacher’s current finisher (Tesshocker if you’re a big wrestling geek like me). They both go up with Nova hitting a C4 off the top (flipping Downward Spiral) for the final pin. Not much build to that.

Rating: B. Take six young and small guys, throw them in one match, let them have fun. AJ and Low Ki looked like the stars here, which they would be for all intents and purposes. Nova was already a name, Mamaluke never went anywhere, Shark Boy would become a cult favorite, and Daniels would become a decent sized star of his own right. Still though, fun match and AJ looked good in it, which shouldn’t shock anyone.

Shark Boy would wrestle in a dark match before Smackdown on March 11, 2003.

Kanyon vs. Shark Boy

The masked man gets run over to start but he comes back with right hands in the corner. Some dropkicks put Kanyon down and he’s already getting frustrated. The fans are already into Shark Boy and headbutts Kanyon down for two. Kanyon’s chick Jackie Gayda trips him up and Kanyon hits what would become an AA for two of his own. A baseball slide drives Sharky’s ribs into the post and a Russian legsweep rollup gets two.

We hit the chinlock from Kanyon before he misses a moonsault. Shark Boy hits a nice missile dropkick for a close two as the fans are WAY into him. A springboard bulldog gets the same but Kanyon nails a Razor’s Edge into a Dominator to take over. Kanyon takes him to the top but gets caught in the Dead Sea Drop for two with Jackie putting Kanyon’s foot on the ropes. A lifting Downward Spiral finally puts Sharky away.

Shark Boy wrestled on the first episode of Impact on June 4, 2004.

Shark Boy vs. Abyss

Sharky goes after Abyss and bites his way out of a chokeslam. A high cross body is caught in an easy slam before the Black Hole Slam ends this quick. Total squash for Abyss.

On to some happier times at No Surrender 2005.

Shark Boy vs. Mikey Batts vs. Elix Skipper vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner qualifies for the Super X Cup which is, say it with me, A TOURNAMENT!!! The winner of the whole thing got a title shot at Daniels and the X Title. Elix and Sonjay start because you don’t tag. Dutt does a big revolving spin move into an armdrag. Spinebuster puts Dutt down and it’s off to Mikey who isn’t very popular. Shark Boy comes in but this is before he was a really popular crowd favorite.

He’s better than he’s given credit for too but with a gimmick/name like Shark Boy, how serious can anyone take him? Also the whole biting thing isn’t helping him. Sonjay beats him down a bit and Skipper tags himself in as Dutt is going for something off the top. Sharky hits a modified neckbreaker on Skipper for two. Skipper uses the Matrix move to avoid a cross body but Sonjay comes off the top via a springboard into a double stomp.

Dutt takes down Mikey with a springboard missile dropkick and Skipper gets two with a weird kind of reverse headlock takeover. He tries to walk the ropes (think Old School) into a rana on a crotched Batts but it’s mostly botched. I can live with that as it’s not like it’s a simple move. They’re both legal and a collision puts them both down.

There’s a double tag and Dutt takes over on Shark Boy again. The masked one really doesn’t have that much success does he? They start the dives but most of them are countered. Sudden Death (Celtic Cross. Finlay used to use it) takes Batts down and Sonjay goes up to hit a Hindu Press (big flippy move into a splash that hits about 10% of the target) to Batts to go to the tournament.

Rating: C-. Eh this was fine but the botches hurt it. It never really got going and came off as just more X Division stuff. Dutt would get crushed by Joe in the first round of the tournament which he would go on to win at the next PPV. This was fine but the division was about to be revolutionized by Joe, AJ and Daniels so this is kind of the last of the old days of it.

Well we’re getting closer. Let’s try Slammiversary 2006.

Senshi vs. Shark Boy vs. Alex Shelley vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Petey Williams vs. Jay Lethal

Elimination rules and the winner gets a title match this week on Impact. In what is probably a good thing, people have to tag here so there are only two people in the ring at once. Shark Boy and Petey get us going with Sharky grabbing the arm to start. Petey escapes and tries the Tree of Woe O Canada deal but Shark Boy bites his way out of it. They head out to the floor where nothing happens so Shark Boy tags in Lethal. This is before he’s Black Machismo so he’s just a 20 year old guy who is talented.

Jay works on the back and things speed up a bit. Petey hits a knee to the ribs and dropkicks the knee out. Off to Senshi who chops away, only to get chopped right back. A dropkick gets one for Lethal. Senshi comes back with the kicks before tagging in Shelley to a good reaction. He hooks a necktie choke and bends Lethal over the his knees. Lethal backflips out of it but Shelley backflips out of that and hits a kind of Backstabber to put Jay back down.

Jay gets in a low dropkick and it’s off to Dutt to start the flips. A standing swanton followed by a standing moonsault gets two. Dutt goes up top, only to get crotched by Shelley, who follows that up by dragging the crotch along the top rope for some rope burns. Alex stays on Dutt but taunts Sharky. This draws everyone in and it’s a triple suplex in a fairly cool looking spot. We get down to Dutt vs. Shark Boy with the masked man hitting a slingshot splash for two.

The Dead Sea drop is countered so he hits a regular neckbreaker instead. Shark Boy tries a top rope elbow but crashes, allowing Dutt to hit a standing shooting star to eliminate Shark Boy. Shelley vs. Dutt now and it’s a loud enziguri to Dutt. Dutt no sells that and hits a neckbreaker to put Shelley down. Dutt goes up but gets launched onto the middle rope, where Lethal tags himself in.

Lethal comes in with a springboard dropkick to Alex but Shelley comes back very quickly. A brainbuster looks to set up a swanton bomb but Jay avoids it and eliminates Shelley with a dragon suplex. Everyone comes in now and Senshi is sent to the floor. Petey hits a slingshot rana to the outside so Lethal dives onto the Canadian. Dutt hits a huge moonsault press onto all three to put all four down.

It’s Lethal vs. Petey in the ring with Jay kicking Petey’s head off. Petey shrugs that off and kills Lethal with the Destroyer to get us down to three. Dutt comes back in as it’s him, Senshi and Petey to go. Senshi and Williams team up on Dutt for a bit but Williams accidentally drills the bald guy in the face. An enziguri gets two for Dutt on Williams as Petey is in trouble. Senshi comes in and clotheslines Williams down because he’s not a nice guy.

Senshi goes up but Petey stops him, starting a fight on the top. Williams tries the Destroyer off the top but Senshi hangs on. Dutt takes Williams down and the Warrior’s Way gets us down to Senshi vs. Dutt. Both guys go up again and Dutt hits a rana to take Senshi down. A low dropkick gets two as does a floatover DDT. Senshi takes him down and hits a standing Warrior’s Way (double stomp) for two. Dutt trips him down and goes up top but his 450 hits knees. A HUGE running dropkick puts Dutt down and Senshi puts him in the Tree of Woe. The Warrior’s Way from that position is more than enough for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was your usual mindless X-Division match and that’s fine. This ate up almost half an hour and it was certainly entertaining. Senshi was the new hot thing in the division so putting him over like this was certainly the right idea. There isn’t much to say here as this was exactly what you would expect from this kind of a match, but it was pretty good.

Here’s an X-Division Title shot at Lockdown 2007.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Then Shark Boy teamed up with Curry Man to fight Team 3D. Fish were involved. From Destination X 2008.

Fish Market Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Shark Boy/Curry Man

West and Curry Man dance before this starts. This was when Shark Boy was a parody of Stone Cold, drinking clam juice, talking about how that’s the fishing line, giving him a shell yeah and having Austinesque theme music. It was awful in case you couldn’t get that. Bubba yells a lot and D-Von weighs in at….some undisclosed weight under 275lbs. Bubba allegedly makes it too, thereby ending this idiotic angle.

And now Devine, the X-Division traitor, hands them candy and they eat but get jumped. This is a glorified hardcore match but with “comedy” added to it. The Dudleys get run off early on and try to leave. I don’t like where this is going. There are big crated of frozen fish around the aisle. See what I’m dealing with here? Yes, they’re beating each other with frozen fish. Mike gets the HOLY MACKERAL line in.

Curry Man puts a Ding Dong on a fishing pole and goes Ray hunting. Oh of course it works. This is making my soul ache. Honestly, who thought this was a marketable idea? Who thought someone would want to see this? Ray throws fish into the crowd and the announcers say this was expected. Uh, why? Ray bites a fish as I would be so embarrassed if someone knew I was watching this.

We get some actual wrestling just so we can be told there was wrestling in this. What’s Up on Curry Man with a fish. It’s returned by Shark Boy and this is awful. Oh but hey, according to Meltzer, the triple threat at Survivor Series was worse. Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy. Stereo X-Factors and Tornado DDTs on the heels get two. Shark Boy kicks out of a Doomsday Device. Bubba gets blinded by powder and accidently hits 3D on D-Von to end it. The Dudleys get into it with some guy from Survivor that no one cares about.

Rating: F-. I’m not even going to bother explaining why a match involving beating on each other with fish is a failure.

This partnership was part of the Prince Justice Brotherhood, a strange stable of Curry Man, Shark Boy and Super Eric who fought for the forces of good. Here they are at No Surrender 2008.

Rock N Rave Infection/Christy Hemme vs. Prince Justice Brotherhood

The Brotherhood is Super Eric (Young in a bad superhero gimmick), Stone Cold Shark Boy and Curry Man in one of the dumbest gimmicks even by TNA standards. The Infection is a bad rock band gimmick that played Guitar Hero controllers and had the smoking hot Christy Hemme as their manager. Eric vs. Rave to start with Eric taking over.

Eric gets a plancha to the floor which gets two back in the ring. Lance Rock comes in which gets his team nowhere so it’s off to Shark Boy. Thesz Press takes down Rock again as the good guys are dominating. Shark Boy is the same Steve Austin parody that was on Impact the other night. Over to Curry Man who gets a pop for no apparent reason other than a potential lack of oxygen in the arena.

Curry Man tags in Christy and we’re in a comedy match officially. He shoves her off and then realizes where his head was so he offers to go back into it again. Funny spot. Off to Shark Boy and Rave. Back drop sends Shark Boy (I refused to refer to him as Sharky like West and Tenay keep doing) to the floor as momentum changes.

Jawbreaker almost gets Shark Boy a tag but Rock N Rave get something close to a 3D but into a knee instead of a cutter. Christy comes in and is dropped onto Shark Boy by Rock. Cold tag to Curry Man (I thought he was hot and spicy?) who gets a flying hip to Rock. He and Hemme dance a bit and she gets kissed. Rollup gets two but Rock drills Curry so that Christy can hit the Flying Firecrotch Guillotine (don’t ask) for two. Chummer (Stunner) to Christy and a double Death Valley Driver to the guys from Curry Man end this.

Rating: C+. Basic fast paced and fun match to start us off here which is often times the best idea to open a show. Christy was the only good thing about the Infection as she looked great as the groupie. This was just here for comedy and to warm the crowd up and it did that rather well. Good opener.

Shark Boy would leave TNA for a few years but returned to wrestle on Xplosion, December 24, 2010.

Shark Boy vs. Robbie E.

Shark Boy takes over to start but goes outside to yell at Robbie’s girl Cookie. The distraction lets Robbie get in some cheap shots from behind and takes over inside. We take a break and come back with Robbie nailing a running clothesline in the corner. We hit the chinlock for a long time before Shark Boy fights up for a double clothesline. A facebuster and more clotheslines put Robbie down and Sharky bites his trunks. Robbie sells it like only he can but comes back with a quick neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. Dull stuff for the most part here but it’s just the Xplosion show. There wasn’t much to the match but did you really expect anything else? Shark Boy is a guy that is going to get a reaction and can make Robbie look good in one of E.’s first matches with the company. At least the fans cared for a bit.

Shark Boy would be in a surprise match at Destination X 2011.

Generation Me vs. Eric Young/Shark Boy

This is a bonus match. I can never remember which Buck is which. Eric and Shark Boy tag about five times before the match starts. Ok so Jeremy is the blonde. Got it. Sharky stomps a mudhole in him early and hammers away in the corner. There’s the Thesz Press and an elbow. Eric comes in and beats on both guys a bit. Off to Sharky who bites Max. Yep it’s a comedy match.

Jeremy throws on a chinlock as Sharky is still ridiculously over. Clothesline misses and Shark Boy gets a shot to the back of the head to put both guys down. Young pulls his tights down to shift to trunks and gets the hot tag. Gen Me takes over again and a bulldog gets two on Young. Stunner by Shark Boy sets up a wheelbarrow suplex into a reverse neckbreaker by Young for the pin on Max. Think Lethal’s Lethal Injection but with a wheelbarrow suplex.

Rating: C-. Just a comedy tag match to fill in some time. I still hate what they’re doing with the midcard title as it’s being used as a comedy prop like Santino did to the IC Title a few years ago. Not bad here but it’s really just a filler match and nothing all that great. Shark Boy’s popularity is still strong though.

TNA brought Shark Boy back at Hardcore Justice 2 because he’s hardcore or something.

Hardcore Gauntlet Battle Royal

Everyone gets to bring a weapon with them and it’s a new entrant every two minutes. Usually in TNA gauntlet matches it’s over the top rope eliminations until the final two when it’s pin/submission but there’s no mention of the rules changing for the final two here. We start with Devon Storm who brings a golf club and Little Guido who brings in a dust bin. They fight over the golf club until Storm suplexes Guido down to take over.

Some golf club shots to the back have Guido in trouble but he comes back with a basement dropkick to take over. Guido puts on a Crossface with the club used to choke Storm until Crimson with his umbrella is #3 (out of nine). Crimson cleans house with the umbrella and a big book to Guido. Storm gets double teamed for a bit until Sam Shaw is #4 with a cane. Shaw spins out of a backdrop from Crimson before taking him down with a dropkick. There’s nothing of note going on at all here.

Johnny Swinger is #5 with a crutch but he’s gone in about 40 seconds at Guido’s hands. Crimson hits Guido with the umbrella and leaves some impressive marks on his back as a result. Funaki of all people is #6 with a guardrail. We get the Terry Funk/Sandman/Tommy Dreamer spinning metal object spot from Funaki and the rail until Funaki superkicks Guido out. Gunner is #7 with a nightstick and the fans chant welcome back, showing the issues with a taped PPV.

Gunner tosses Storm out and hits Shaw in the face with a golf club. It’s 2 Cold Scorpio at #8 with a broom to pop the crowd a bit. Shaw trades forearms with Scorpio but gets monkey flipped out. JB: “Unbelievable!” No, not really. Shark Boy is #9 with a bag ala Jake Roberts. It’s Crimson/Gunner vs. Scorpio/Funaki/Sharky with Scorpio hitting a sunset bomb on Gunner to put him down. A middle rope Harlem Hangover hits Crimson and Funaki goes up as well, only to be tossed by Scorpio and Sharky.

Crimson clotheslines Scorpio out and hit a double chokeslam on Sharky. They start throwing weapons out but they’re afraid of the bag. Both of them look in the bag and freak out, allowing Shark Boy to hit Chummers (Stunner) to both guys. Shark Boy pulls…..a fish out of the bag. The fish “bites” Gunner and a fish shot eliminates Crimson. Sharky backdrops Gunner out for the win.

Rating: D-. Not only was the match boring, but it’s a match that would have fit in the stupid comedy era of the WWF hardcore division. The weapons were all stupid and the fish at the end made it even worse. The “comedy” here was in the vein of beat people over the head and yell IT’S COMEDY in their face, which is my least favorite kind.

And again at Turning Point 2013.

Ethan Carter III vs. Shark Boy

Shark Boy had announced he was coming back tonight on Impact365 earlier this week. Carter bails to the floor for a chase but still avoids an elbow as they get back inside. The Chummer is countered with ease and the One Percenter is good for the pin at 2:06.

One more surprise at Impact, October 1, 2014.

Manik vs. Shark Boy

Seriously. Shark Boy hammers away to start and sends Manik out to the floor with a shot to the face. Some clotheslines do the same and a backdrop sends Manik flying. Back in and Manik grabs some suplexes for two and a knee drop gets the same. A Frog Splash is enough to pin Shark Boy at 3:10.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but it’s good to see Manik look good in his first match under the new gimmick. Storm has something going for him with this idea but I have a bad feeling a lot of his heat is going away for the sake of putting Great Muta over at Bound For Glory. Shark Boy looked WAY out of shape.

Shark Boys is the epitome of a joke character that the fans got behind. There’s nothing wrong with being that guy and he got to have some fun at times. The Stone Cold stuff made me roll my eyes up to start but eventually I just thought “why not”. He’s a fun character and nothing meant to be taken seriously, which is perfectly fine.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today we’re looking at another small guy: Jamie Noble.

Noble started in late 1999 so we’ll pick things up at the 3^rd Annual Brian Pillman Memorial Show in 2000.

HWA Cruiserweight Title: Shark Boy vs. Jamie-San

HWA is the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which served as a developmental territory for both WCW and the WWF over the years. Shark Boy is defending and Jamie-San is Jamie Noble. The footage is pretty low quality and there’s no commentary here at all. ECW/WCW goon Tony Marinara is with Jamie here for some reason. They trade wristlocks to start and Shark Boy gets two off an O’Connor Roll, giving us a stalemate. Time for some technical stuff with a nice little chain wrestling sequence leading to stalemate the sequel.

Back up and Sharky armdrags him down and Jamie bails to the floor. Jamie gets back in, only to be bitten on the trousers. Marinara gets the same and it’s back to the floor for healing. Shark Boy breaks up their meeting with a nice dive but Jamie pulls him off the apron and sends him into the barricade. Jamie is supposed to be Japanese but he sounds like a hayseed whenever he talks trash, killing the idea dead. Sharky takes a running clothesline in the corner but comes out with a spinning sunset flip for two.

Jamie kind of misses a middle rope dropkick for two and we hit the chinlock. Really basic stuff so far but it’s not bad. It’s strange to see Shark Boy as just a guy (who happens to think he’s a shark) instead of a cult favorite. The hold stays on for a good while, which is a pretty big waste of Jamie’s talents in the time they have. The fans are WAY into Shark Boy here so maybe the cult favorite aspect is still around.

The champion finally comes back by sending Jamie into the corner and puts him down with a facebuster. There are ten punches in the corner and a middle rope hurricanrana gets two for the champion. The Dead Sea Drop (more commonly called Diamond Dust, flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into a reverse layout DDT (Christian uses it a lot) for two. Jamie misses a top rope headbutt so Sharky grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the corner, putting him in perfect position for the Dead Sea Drop and the pin to retain.

Rating: C. This was fine. The matches tonight are going to depend on who is in the ring as I’ll be harsher on indy guys than I will be on big time talent. It’s nice to see indy guys who have talent out there like Shark Boy as some matches from this level can be DREADFUL, which I’m sure we’ll hit at some point tonight. This was a nice little match though and both guys looked solid in the ring.

We’ll hit some WCW now, starting at New Blood Rising with Jamie as Jamie-San of the Jung Dragons.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

This would open about 19 Thunders in a row. Tank Abbott is their Rikishi and dances with them. Ok to be fair, this was freaking hilarious. The only Dragon that is known is the masked one who would become Jamie Knoble. Three Count has one guy that meant nothing, Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. This is a double ladder match where the Dragons are trying to get a recording contract so 3 Count can’t record again and 3 Count is trying to get their gold record back.

You have to tag here and it’s a ladder match. They stack up a ladder in the corner and do a ton of stuff with that. Both teams hit a springboard Doomsday Device as this is a fun match but you can tell nothing is ever going to go anywhere. Noble does a HUGE dive off the ladder to the floor. Oh and Yang cut his hair and became the resident redneck on Smackdown. This isn’t bad but it’s certainly is entertaining.

And then 3 Count stops to dance. Jamie hits a nice rana and the other two hit a double splash off the ladders. Jamie gets the record but it’s not over yet. Abbott gets the record and we keep going a bit more. I’d love to hear the explanation to a record company that they lost their contract in a professional wrestling ladder match. Kaz and Helms sprint up the ladders but Abbott shoves both guys over. Karagis climbs up and gets the contract. Soon after Jamie would be unmasked and Karagis would team up to become a third team. Abbott leaves with the contract and record.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here although it made limited sense with the whole double prize thing but that’s WCW for you. These six guys would open just about every show there was without ever getting anywhere at all for it and while the matches were solid, people just got sick of seeing them. I know I did.

And another ladder match at Starrcade 2000.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Knoble and Karagias

There’s a lot to get through here. This is a three team ladder match but the winner is gets a Cruiserweight Title shot against champion Chavo Guerrero, who will be on commentary. I’m very surprised that we haven’t seen Chavo before this as he’s been around since the mid-90s and is a pretty talented guy. He’s also Eddie’s nephew if the name sounds familiar. I’m not sure how the title shot (which is for a later date rather than tonight) is going to work given that a team wins here rather than an individual. It might be a three way dance, it might be a handicap match or it might be whichever team member pulls the contract down.

As for who is who in this match, these six guys used to be on two three man teams who fought each other for the better part of six months without ever advancing up the card at all (nice job WCW). 3 Count is Shane Helms and Shannon Moore and they’re a boy band ala the Backstreet Boys. The Jung Dragons are Kaz Hayashi and Yang and they’re just Japanese guys. Jamie Knoble and Evan Karagias used to team with the Dragons and 3 Count respectively before splitting off and forming their own team.

You have to tag in this match for no apparent reason other than WCW doesn’t get the concept of a match like this. Shannon and Kaz get things going and head to the mat very quickly before slamming into each other and seemingly knocking themselves out for a second. The ever so caring fans think it’s boring because the guys might have concussions and therefore aren’t doing anything for ten seconds.

Back up and Shannon heads for the ladder but Karagias breaks it up before Moore can get there. Off to Yang vs. Helms but everyone says screw the tagging stuff and heads out into the aisle for the ladder. 3 Count pulls a fast one though and pulls out their own ladder with everyone else in the aisle. The Dragons make the save though, only for Knoble and Karagias to take them down and go up, but the Dragons slam the ladder down onto him. Yang adds a moonsault onto the ladder and the Dragons for good measure to get the crowd into the match.

Jamie and Evan set up a ladder on the middle rope before sending Shane face first into the steel. Kaz is dropped head first onto the ladder as well before Noble brings in another ladder. Knoble and Karagias get in an argument over who gets the contract, allowing Yang to take both guys down. Yang puts Shannon on the ladder and catches him diving into a gutbuster. Shane throws Yang to the floor and hits a BIG spinning dive to take both guys down. Kaz dives on Shane and Evan dives on everyone, followed by Shannon diving on everyone plus Evan.

Jamie goes up the ladder but Yang gets back in and shoves the ladder over, sending Jamie down onto the pile of guys at ringside. Yang puts another ladder in the rungs of the standing ladder, making a platform between the ropes and the standing ladder. Evan walks on said platform and catches a springboarding Kaz in a powerslam to the mat. Shannon dives off the platform to take Evan out before Helms hits a neckbreaker to take Knoble off the ladder. Shannon breaks up the platform and puts up another ladder so four people can climb at once.

Knoble powerbombs Shane off one ladder, leaving Shannon and Yang fighting on the top, until Moore hits a neckbreaker to bring Yang down. Jamie goes up but Leia Meow, the Dragons’ mistress, pulls him down. Even brings in a third ladder but Yang shoves him down to the floor. The Dragons load up a big scaffold using four ladders but get knocked down as another brawl breaks out. Kaz kicks Knoble off the scaffold but gets knocked down by Karagias. It’s Helms and Yang on the scaffold now but here come their partners as well. Shannon headscissors Yang down and 3 Count pulls down the contract at the same time.

Rating: B. There’s your match of the night right there. I don’t have to watch the rest of the show and it’s very clear that this isn’t going to be topped. That’s WCW’s problem at the end of the day: these six guys fought FOREVER and never got to move up the card at all. They never fought for the tag titles or a single title other than the Cruiserweight Title or anything like that at all. Instead they were tasked with going out there and tearing the house down while breaking their backs so that the “stars” could get the glory. That’s WCW in a nutshell and it’s a big part of why they went out of business.

Noble would head to WWE and have a Cruiserweight Title shot at King of the Ring 2002.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

This was either Noble’s first match or at least his first feud. Oh ok this is his second. Seriously, the recap is still going. It’s getting more time than the opening video. Oh and the heels unmasked him which Burchill is still trying to do. IT’S STILL GOING! I have absolutely no interest in this match at all. Hurricane was running around chokeslamming people. Nidia thinks she means something. That’s just amusing.

There’s a “she’s a crack w****” chant going as we flash back to ECW. She tries to trip Hurricane and misses. You grab the big white thing. It’s how you got a job more than likely as it certainly isn’t for your looks and talent. Oh Tuesday is the Divas Undressed thing. It was a lingire thing that went nowhere. There were some ok looks but that’s about it. As you can tell, I’m not talking much about the match.

This division and title were just jokes and it’s good that the title isn’t coming back. Let it go people. Oh dear we begin the sex jokes about Hurricane and why Nidia dumped him. I hate those. Oh dang it they’re using sleepers. I can barely stand the thought of this match already and they’re just boring me to death. This division was just a freaking waste. Wait a minute. This is a Smackdown match. WHY ARE LAWLER AND ROSS CALLING IT???

We have acknowledged that Tazz and Cole, the SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCERS are in the building, but instead we get Ross and Lawler who have nothing to do with these guys or their show talking about the match. What in the heck is wrong with this? Hurricane and Nidia fight over his cape. Hurricane suplexes Noble over the ropes and he lands on his leg. Dang it he’s getting up so we have to keep going. The main problem here is Nidia.

She won’t freaking shut up and she’s just annoying. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope. This match just needs to end. It’s all highspots and Nidia and only one of those things are interesting. Noble kicks out of the chokeslam which stuns the crowd. For some reason they’re into this. Hurricane crotches himself on the top and Noble powerbombs him for the title while Nidia shoves his foot off the ropes. They make out way too much after the match.

Rating: D-. And it passes for the highspots. This was just freaking pointless and of course they gave it 10 minutes. See, in WCW, this was successful because there WERE NO STORIES. It was all highspots and no stupid ugly women screaming all the time. Learn from that Vince.

Title defense from Vengeance 2002.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

At this point, the belt means jack. It’s the guy wins title after being on “an impressive roll as of late”, holds it for like three months while never defending it, another guy goes “on an impressive roll as of late” and normally he wins the title. This would be the first major, and I use that term more loosely than Lita after a bottle of Jack, title defense for Noble though, so there’s more or less no way he loses here.

That and I reviewed the match where he did lose it already so yeah this isn’t in any doubt at all. Wow absolutely no one cares here. We get the line about Noble not being your traditional cruiserweight as he uses a ground based attack and isn’t a high flier. Well duh, he’s a heel champion. Has there ever been a high flier that’s a heel? Only an idiot would book that? Kidman goes up top. I wonder if he’s about to GET READY TO FLY.

I really could not be less interested in this. Yet I’m writing a review of it. There’s something extremely wrong with me I think. How in the world did Noble win the ROH Title for a month? Was that like a massive rib or something? Noble messes up Kidman’s shoulder to try to make people care. To be fair, Kidman gets some pops in there.

Oh some guy named Rey Mysterio debuts Thursday. So four months you got Ortn, Cena, Batista and Mysterio. Not bad. Kidman doesn’t tap to an armbar. Kidman goes for an enziguri. It lands on Noble’s back. Wow this is making my head hurt. Shooting Star misses and Noble rolls him up for two. Noble hits a Tiger Bomb to end this.

Rating: D+. Not bad, but seriously, no one really cared. This just filled in about 8 minutes and wasn’t that good at all. More or less a nothing match that went nowhere at all. Not that it was terrible or anything, but no point at all. That’s the case with way too many cruiserweight matches, but at least they’re not using all of the stories to bog things down.

Jamie would hook up with rival Tajiri for a tag match on Smackdown, September 26, 2002.

Jamie Noble/Tajiai vs. Billy/Chuck

Billy and Chuck are in street clothes. What street that is I’m not sure. Adrian maybe? Billy and Tajiri get started. I don’t remember Tajiri being a heel but he and his partner go after Billy’s knee. Handspring elbow puts Billy down and a big kick gets two. Noble tries to cannonball down onto the leg but Billy kicks him to the floor. Billy still can’t tag as Tajiri knocks Palumbo to the floor. Noble hooks a unique leg lock on Billy’s bad knee.

Can we just watch Torrie slap the mat in that bikini again? Tajiri gets in some shots as we hear about the exclusive contracts between the brands, including Orton being signed to Raw. He was a young cocky heel at this point. I wonder what ever happened to him. Billy manages to get in a kick to Noble and a flapjack allows for the hot tag. Chuck cleans house and tries a powerbomb but Tajiri counters into a victory roll attempt. Chuck holds him in place though and Code Red (Doomsday Device) ends this.

Rating: C. Fine match here and when you throw something together inside of 30 seconds that’s as good as you can ask for. Billy and Chuck had some good chemistry and it worked here. I miss random showdowns like these or the first match and they work pretty well most pf the time, especially when you have talented people in there.

Off to Velocity for the required opponent on January 12, 2003.

Bryan Danielson vs. Jamie Noble

Noble takes him to the mat into a headscissors but Bryan counters into a double arm crank to put Jamie down for two. They trade wristlocks until Danielson takes him down with a headlock. Off to a test of strength with Jamie getting two off a northern lights suplex. A drop toehold puts Danielson throat first into the ropes and a Saito Suplex gets two.

Off to a cross arm choke on Danielson but he slides through Jamie’s legs into a sunset flip for two. We hit the chinlock on Bryan for a bit before he comes back with a running clothesline for two of his own. There’s the backflip out of the corner and Danielson hits a discus forearm to the back of the head. A German suplex gets two on Jamie but he comes back with a quick swinging neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was way better than I was expecting with both guys looking solid out there. Danielson was clearly going to be something special in the future as he was a natural in the ring and moved from one spot to another with ease. It was a surprisingly good match with both guys nailing it.

Jamie decided he wanted Torrie and had a chance to sleep with her if he could beat Billy Gunn at Vengeance 2003.

Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie brings a briefcase with his “stuff” in it. They actually open it which is creepy. Jamie’s girlfriend Nidia comes out and is mad at him over this clearly. See the criticisms of soap opera stuff that WWE gets? Noble works on his knee so his regular stuff can’t work. Gunn busts out a random Diamond Cutter for two. Didn’t see that one coming. Noble hooks a DDT from the second rope. I liked that.

Nidia puts his foot on the ropes though since she doesn’t want Torrie sleeping with Noble. That makes sense at least. Both girls beat him up. Billy gets rammed into Torrie and gets rolled up for the pin. Torrie says Holy censored and it’s rather amusing. Cole shouting NOBLE GETS TO SLEEP WITH TORRIE cracked me up. He wants to watch. Oh dear.

Rating: D. Bad match on top of a bad angle doesn’t help. Naturally it didn’t happen and Noble and Gunn started teaming together because it’s professional wrestling and of course it doesn’t make sense. Torrie looked hot though so I can’t complain much there. Still though, stupid angle and a stupid match.

Noble got a Cruiserweight Title shot at Royal Rumble 2004.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Jamie would head to Japan and then ROH for awhile, even beating CM Punk for the ROH World Title in 2005. It wouldn’t last long though and it was back to WWE, including this match at Royal Rumble 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Back to Velocity on March 11, 2006.

Pitbulls vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Funaki

Kash and Funaki get things going with Kash running him over, only to get caught with a hiptoss. Scotty comes in to work on the arm but it’s quickly off to Noble for a stomping in the corner. A neckbreaker gets two on Hotty and everything starts to break down before it’s back to Jamie for a legdrop.

Kash comes in again but his moonsault hits Scotty’s knees. Scotty dives for the tag and loses his shoe but gets over to Funaki to clean house. A high cross body gets two on Noble but the one shoed Scotty takes Kash down for the Worm. Funaki dropkicks him to the floor but gets caught in a gorilla press gutbuster from Noble for the pin.

Rating: C. Another nice match here with both teams getting to show off a little bit. There’s only so much you can get out of a match between the Pitbulls and Hotty/Funaki but it was a very pleasant surprise. The Pitbulls weren’t a bad team but they were around in a boring stretch for the tag team division.

Speaking of the tag team division, here’s a Tag Team Title shot at Great American Bash 2006.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Pit Bulls

The Bulls are Jamie Noble and Kid Kash. They were a team that was around when I really wasn’t watching Smackdown so this is a new thing for me. London and Kash start us off with Kash taking it to the mat. For some reason we’re talking about the Rock N Roll Express now. Kash keeps running him over so London speeds things up to take over. Off to Kendrick and they use a modified rocket launcher for two.

Kendrick works on the arm and we hear about the Crockett family starting up the Bash in the 80s. Off to Noble who apparently likes having men on the ground. I love wrestling but the gay jokes are really hard to avoid at times. Back to London who keeps Noble’s arm in trouble. This has been one sided so far and Londrick sends them to the floor. You know that means stereo dives.

FINALLY Noble gets in a shot to take over and gets a pair of two counts. Back to Kash who slams Kendrick into the mat by his hair. Kendrick dodges a charge and brings in London. Things speed way up and we talk about Ivan Putski. They go to the apron and London tries to skin the cat, but Noble gets in a shot to the back. I guess this is the official face in peril part.

London may have hurt his back on the way down onto the apron. Noble hooks on a chinlock for a few seconds and there’s a leg lariat for two. The Pit Bulls do some good old fashioned heel tag team work to keep Kendrick out. More double teaming follows but London fights out of the corner. He kicks Noble into Kash but Kash makes the save to break up the tag. Cole says London was minutes away from making the tag. Well at least he was close.

London backflips out of a suplex and falls into Kendrick for the tag. Springboard missile dropkick takes out Kash and things speed WAY up. He hits leg lariats to everyone but Noble makes the save on the cover. Noble tries something like a double underhook piledriver on Kendrick but London saves again. There’s a huge dive to the floor by Kendrick to take out Noble. Kash can’t get the brainbuster to London so Kendrick dives off the top with a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: B-. This match right here has already had more energy in it than the entirety of the previous two shows in this series. Londrick would spend the next 9 months or so as champions which is still the longest tag title reign in the WWE/F in about fifteen years. Very fun tag match with all kinds of old school heel tag work to make things very fun and get the crowd into it.

We’ll jump ahead to Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Off to Smackdown on October 19, 2007.

Jamie Noble vs. Undertaker

Undertaker actually comes out first. Jamie dodges in the corner and hammers away with about as much luck as you would imagine. There’s the chokeslam and the Tombstone is good for the pin.

We’ll jump ahead nearly a year to one of Noble’s last wins, on Raw from September 1, 2008.

Jamie Noble vs. William Regal

Noble wants to date Layla so she’s here too. I don’t remember that pairing very well at all but this brings it back a bit. Granted it’s not exactly the biggest angle of all time. Regal annoyed Layla when she was dancing and Noble saved her so there’s your background. Regal is in his one piece swimsuit attire and he pounds Noble down with ease. A full nelson is easily countered and they trade some rollups for two. Regal punches him in the face to put him down as the beating continues. Out of nowhere, Noble grabs a small package for the quick pin. This was like a minute long.

We’ll wrap it up on ECW on Sci-Fi on February 3, 2009.

Jamie Noble vs. Boogeyman

Noble runs from the bag of worms to start. Boogeyman throws him into the corner but Jamie hammers away with some right hands. A beal sends Jamie out to the floor and a gorilla press sends him back into the ring. Jamie stomps away back inside and a top rope forearm gets two. We hit the chinlock on Boogey but he throws Jamie into the corner to escape. Back up and the pumphandle slam is enough to pin Noble.

Rating: D+. This was a bit better than I was expecting as Boogeyman was getting better around this time. Noble was at his best when he was making someone look better and that’s exactly what he did here. He could bounce around well enough and Boogeyman was strong enough to do all the throws and slams. Not terrible.

Jamie Noble is a guy that was very efficient with what he did and it’s easy to see why he’s an agent today. His stuff in late WCW was really solid stuff with everyone flying around the ring and going insane. Noble wasn’t as good in WWE but he was able to do enough to make the people around him look good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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