Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

Given that commentary team, I’m a bit worried. Your main match here is Taker vs. Yoko in a rematch of the Rumble’s casket match where something like 10 guys beat up Taker and caused him to be taken out of the company for about three or four months. Tonight the guest referee is Chuck Norris. Nope I’m not making that up and I guarantee there will be a ton of jokes about it.

Other than that we have Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund for the WWF Title which is an I Quit match where someone has to throw in the towel for you, which is how Backlund lost the title back in the early 80s. Other than that we have three Survivor Series matches which don’t look very appealing.

I think they finally got the balance right here with two singles matches that were huge and the rest were traditional matches. It looks ok on paper and since this is my second time reviewing it, I know it’s at least pretty good. Let’s see if it’s as good as it was four days ago.

We open with clips of all the teams getting pep talks from their leaders. Shawn is very cocky, which would come into play later on. Lawler is the only captain that doesn’t want a camera on these meetings. Since we’re in Texas, everyone is wearing a cowboy hat. Oh how I love these theme PPVs.

The announcers run down the card with Gorilla not being able to get a word in. Yep it’s going to be one of those kinds of nights. As Fink introduces the first team, he’s really hard to understand. If I didn’t know what to listen for I’d be completely lost here.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett

Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Fatu, Sionne

Sionne is the Barbarian replacing Samu. Your feuds line up like this: Razor vs. Diesel, since Razor took the IC belt from him about a month or so prior to this. That’s about it really. Oh Bulldog is there because of Owen and Neidhart. Other than that, yeah there’s no feuds or drama going on at all that I can remember. On the way to the ring, Shawn dives in front of Diesel to be in the spotlight. They’re tag champions at the time. Oh that’s right.

They took the belts from the Headshrinkers so that’s at least most of the team. Vince says that Survivor Series only comes once a year. Well yeah so does every other day of the year but we don’t have a freaking PPV for it. Although I have a feeling that if Vince could get away with it he’d try to. Gorilla trying to sound like a cowboy is rather amusing. Vince and Gorilla argue over who the captain is. Shawn is really turning into the heel that he would become famous as.

Gorilla is once again glad he retired. Did this guy hate his career or something? In a running story of this match, Fatu is having trouble with his new boots. He was barefoot for years and apparently wearing boots is a plot point to a match now. Yep that makes great sense. They mention that they can’t find Jarrett’s new CD anywhere as Gorilla continues his love affair with kayfabe.

You know, Barbarian really wasn’t that bad of a worker. He had more or less the same gimmick with a few minor tweaks for his entire career and he always managed to find work. Sure he’s generic but he stuck with his stuff and he got steady work out of it. That’s really all you can ask for isn’t it? We get Owen vs. Bulldog which is of course great. Owen is now the Rocket King. Yeah that’s not a weird name at all.

If there has ever been a match of two guys that could have been world champion but never could pull it off, this is it. Bulldog does that delayed suplex on Anvil which is rather impressive. The faces have momentum so naturally, they stop things dead for another foot issue with Fatu. Jarrett and Razor go at it for awhile, which was a very good feud actually.

Shawn’s hair is ridiculously short here. He almost looks like Rick Rude if that tells you anything. Jarrett really was good in the ring. For some reason people never took to him as a superstar. I think it was the singing thing. It’s sad to hear Gorilla not be able to get more than a few lines in at a time. Vince insists that he is the best commentator of all time and he’s going to make sure you know it too.

The heels do a lot of harmless standard stuff on the Kid that isn’t really interesting at all. Diesel finally comes in and within two and a half minutes he’s eliminated everyone but Razor. It’s three jackknives and a shot that leads to a count out. That makes it 5-1 with Razor being the only guy left. As you can tell Diesel is an absolute freak at this point in time. Shawn yells at Diesel to stay in the match.

Razor is beating Diesel who to be fair is worn out at this point since he can’t buy a tag. Diesel hits the jackknife and Razor is dead. Shawn gets in for the first time and he wants Razor held up for the kick. You know what’s coming here and yep, Shawn kicks Diesel. Now the cool part: Diesel doesn’t go down. He goes to one knee, but the kick doesn’t knock him completely down. Diesel is PISSED. He goes after Shawn who runs.

The rest of his team tries to calm him down with Owen and Jarrett screaming that they need to get back before they lose. Shawn gets counted out and apparently that’s enough to eliminate all five guys and yes, Razor wins like that. Ok, let’s see why this is stupid. Number one, only Shawn was legal. If he’s the only one legal, then another ten count should have started up. Now if no one else got in before that, then sure it’s a count out.

Also, if Jarrett and Hart were so worried, why didn’t one of them run back? That would at least have made sense. This was just an odd ending. No scratch that. It was a freaking stupid ending. What was the plan here? Was this supposed to be intelligent?

To be fair though, this really did look cool and was a good face turn as this was I think the third time that this had happened. The people were getting behind Diesel at the time and they pulled the trigger on him at the perfect time. Even the fans don’t sound thrilled about Razor, the biggest face in the match, winning like this though. That’s just never a good sign.

Rating: C-. It was ok at best before Diesel got in there but then he stole the show. This was a rollercoaster of a match with no eliminations for 13 minutes then four in less than three then five at once. That’s a bit too much over the top stuff for my taste. The in ring work was solid, but this was just for Shawn and Diesel and the face turn, so that’s all fine and good I guess. It wasn’t bad, but this could have been better. I’m just not sure how.

Todd is in the back with Pettingill as he’s leaving the arena. He says that he made Diesel and that he got stabbed in the back. He throws down the belt thereby vacating them and drives off as Vince tells Todd that Diesel is on the way. Ok wait. First of all, why is Vince telling Todd this? Couldn’t it just have gone to Todd?

I know Vince likes to be involved in everything but this is ridiculous. Second, Shawn had time to get his bag, stop to talk to Todd, walk with Todd, get in his car, talk to Todd more, and Diesel was just on his way? Did he stop to have a taco or something?

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Cheesy, Queasy, Sleazy

Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

Yes this is a midget match. They have three guys that look like them and yeah, that’s about it. Lawler is borderline abusive to his guys though. Since this match completely sucks, here’s the short version: Doink and Lawler do maybe a single move and then the small guys run in for a comedy spot. It’s high class stuff like running over and making faces at the other team and then running back to their corner. Yep it’s one of those kinds of matches.

The commentators imply that the kings are kids, despite them having FACIAL HAIR. To prove the stupidity of this match, the announcers point out that when one of the big guys is pinned, the guy that pins him is in essence eliminated too since it can only be big vs. big and little vs. little. This comedy stuff goes on for about ten minutes. That’s just freaking stupid. The holds and moves they do are things like armbars and wristlocks too.

While they’re on the mat, the guys run back and forth and all six run over Lawler. I wish I had a gun so I could shoot either myself or the screen. And now the six all run over Doink. All this is done to make faces at each other. Yes I hate this match quite a bit. Why do we always have to have these comedy matches? There’s never a point to them and only Vince likes them. I hate this so much. Oh look, it’s a Burger King crown. This is just so funny. How did Lawler get here? He had a career.

Dink wants to fight Lawler, so he gets on Doink’s shoulders. Lawler counters by getting on one of the small king’s shoulders. I’ll give you two guesses as to how this goes. It’s been only the two big guys the whole match. We get a random Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ad as apparently the WWF has a part of a float. I don’t care either. As we get a test of strength, it’s a double criss cross by the midgets. Take me now.

One of them gives Lawler an object and he nails Doink. You would think that would be the pin but nope, it’s time for more comedy. I feel like I’m at a bad circus. Instead Doink goes on offense and it takes a reversed cross body to eliminate him. Over the next five minutes it’s the clowns getting beaten after cheating from Lawler. Of this whole thing, only Dink is actually entertaining.

His offense makes sense, he’s energetic, he plays to the crowd and he’s not boring. That’s such a nice change of pace. Of course Lawler’s team gets the clean sweep. Afterwards he takes credit for the whole thing and all six guys come after him which is just rather stupid. To end this awfulness, Doink comes back and pies Lawler. Yep, that’s how it ends.

Rating: G. That’s below an F. That sums it up I’d think. Dink gets a passing grade. He was actually really fun and entertaining. That might be because it was actual wrestling, but I could be wrong.

We hear about the Women’s Title change three days ago in Japan where Alundra Blayze lost to Bull Nakano. I haven’t seen it but from what I’ve heard it was a great one. Wouldn’t it be great to either see the match or a rematch or something instead of what we just sat through? Nope apparently that wasn’t good enough though, so instead we have Lawler getting pied by a clown. Nakano is here, so why can’t we have the match? I hate Vince at times.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

The deal here is that Backlund says that since he never gave up in 83, he never should have lost the title and therefore has had a 13 year title reign (he had the belt for two years when he lost it). He also says there’s no counter for the Cross Face Chicken Wing while Hart says that everything has a counter. Owen and Bulldog are the respective seconds and one of them have to throw in the towel to get the win.

Both have sworn they won’t do it. By those rules, regular submissions don’t count so you can give up all you want and it won’t count. That….is kind of stupid. They start out rather hot and fast which would be the peak of that aspect of the match. Bret uses a heabutt a lot. Has he ever gotten hurt using one of those? Not that I remember at least. We’re already on the mat as they actually compare the resumes of these two, and I think Backlund is slightly in the lead.

Six years as world champion is very hard to ignore. They mention a poll that was taken and 79% say that the Chicken Wing is the better hold? Gorilla, much like myself, refuses to believe that. They’re doing a very slow start here as Stu and Helen are watching from ringside. This is a bit odd as Bret will do…HOLY CRAP! Bret put on the abdominal stretch and Monsoon DIDN’T COMPLAIN!

That has never happened before and will likely never happen again. Dang I need a stiff drink after that. Orange juice will do fine. Anyway, as I was saying before I had my heart attack, Bret is doing a bunch of submission stuff and then Backlund will go for the chicken wing. That’s a bit of a cool idea I think with Bret being the master of all submissions and Bob being the guy with one big home run hitting move that he knows will win him the title if he can get it.

The impressive thing here though is that Bob is not only hanging with Bret here but at times flat out beating him. That’s saying a lot for someone that wasn’t a regular wrestler for years on end. Vince says that Bret doesn’t know how to submit. How amusing is it that he says this about Bret at the Survivor Series? Apparently Vince is right here though since Bret never did give up.

It never ceases to amaze me how much a few years can change things and how ironic so many of these lines would eventually become and now are in hindsight. Now for a nice change of pace, Backlund does a lot of mat work on Bret. He works over his arm, which makes sense for a change. Bret hits the post shoulder first in one of the most time honored bumps ever. That’s been used for years and it still works to this day.

Bret keeps trying to make his comebacks but Bob keeps taking him down, seemingly with ease. That’s the mark of a great wrestler: he can do his stuff and make it look easy. Now we get to what is likely the stupidest part of the match as Bret makes his traditional comeback and puts on his other submission hold: the figure four. Now this is fine, but Backlund gives up. However, the match doesn’t end because Owen refuses to throw in the towel.

So in other words, Bret has won the submission match, but he didn’t do it properly? Yeah that just sounds stupid. IN other words, you could just get some jerk to be the towel guy and then break your opponent’s leg or something, but since the towel isn’t thrown in it means nothing? Yeah that makes great sense.

I have to give the fans this: for a match that’s about 90% mat work, they’re staying interested. Hopefully this Sunday at Breaking Point (this is Thursday, three days before that), that’s what happens too. Backlund manages to reverse it for all of a minute. Bret gets ready for the Sharpshooter but Bob is back in it. Oh never mind no he’s not. Gorilla is finally able to talk a bit as Backlund actually wins a fist fight here. He’s quite underrated.

He follows it with a piledriver as I’m impressed by this guy. Bob works on the arm even more and the selling from Bret is great as he looks like he’s in agony. The fans are actually still in this too, which makes me feel better than they could actually get into very old school style like this. This is practically out of the 50s or 60s. Anyway, after another three minutes or so of getting beaten on, Bret makes probably his third comeback and gets the Sharpshooter, but Owen runs in for the save.

Now imagine Hart being in the same hold that long. The thing is, the fans are going to be rather bored when you think about it. Actually maybe not. Two things are going to happen here. First of all, people are going to start thinking that there’s no way that Bret is going to lose. Second, with every passing second that goes by, the people start thinking that any second now it’s going to happen, and that build up even more tension.

That is actually something close to brilliant when you think about it. After the first four minutes or so, Owen begins pleading with his family to save Bret and saying that he didn’t mean for this to happen. Ok wait a minute. If Owen is trying to get his parents to throw in the towel, doesn’t that mean that it doesn’t have to be the predetermined towel thrower?

Ok that’s all fine. However, if that’s the case, why can’t Owen just throw it in himself? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? Maybe because he’s the other thrower he can’t do that? That actually makes sense because if that was allowed then it would be like a Vince Russo match with one person having to throw in the other towel first to lose. But wait, if anyone can do it, why not just have a big gang come out and take the towel from Davey and throw it in?

See why I’m not a fan of this era’s booking? It has holes in it that you could drive a truck through. Anyway, Stu keeps saying no way while Helen is on the verge of screaming. Owen begs and begs, eventually getting down on his knees. As a credit to Bret, even though he’s been in this thing nearly ten minutes, the whole time he’s been trying to roll around and move a bit so that it’s not just him laying there.

That’s the mark of a great worker: the main story is on the floor because as evidenced earlier, the wrestlers can give up all they want but the towel has to be thrown in to end the match. Bret could literally lay there forever and it would have fit the rules of the match perfectly.

However, he realized that it was better to at least look like he was trying, which makes the match more believable, despite the focus not being on him at all. That’s a very nice little touch and another reason why Bret is better than you, along with getting to screw 20 year old Sunny. That makes him divine.

While this is all happening, including the pleading from Owen, Bulldog is still out like a light. He hasn’t moved in like 10 minutes and no one has come to help him. You can see him laying there out cold behind Stu while Owen is freaking out. Only in the WWF could an employee lay on the floor for that long and have no help given to him at all. Also, I think Stu has lost some age in the past year.

He looks MUCH better than he did the year before. Last year he looked like he was about 90. Now he could pass for 60 or so. That’s rather impressive. Dang he’s 79 years old at this point. I’m impressed indeed. Anyway, Helen can’t take anymore and snatches the towel away from Stu to throw it in and give Backlund the title as the fans are a combination of stunned and PISSED, but more of the former.

Bob freaking Backlund just won the world title. However, the more important thing is that as soon as they throw the towel in, Owen jumps to his feet cheering before sprinting to the back pumping his fist, revealing it was the greatest acting job since a diva had to act like Vince was hot. Bret deserves an award here for the selling. It’s amazingly great. We now get the awesomeness that is the celebration of Backlund’s victory.

He is euphoric over winning here, holding his hands up in the air and with the belt around his waist. It’s so simple but his facial expressions shove this to such a high level of awesomeness that it’s insane. Since it goes with it, I’ll include Owen’s interview as part of this. As we cut to the back, the look on the face of Owen is amazing as well.

See what happens when you give the best workers the best storylines? You get great material. Anyway, Owen admits that it was all a setup and that this is the greatest day of his life, since he’s going to get all of the titles and that he’ll never quit. His face here is mind blowingly awesome. That whole thing was epic.

Rating: A. The only thing keeping this from an A+ is some of the holes in the booking, but this was magnificent. However, I could very easily see how some people wouldn’t be into this. It’s very hit or miss and while I and most of the other old school fans would love this, a lot of people wouldn’t get why it’s great and for once, I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s not something that everyone can get into and that’s fine.

It’s a very different style than any of us are used to since it’s such an old school style. It’s the epitome of hit or miss with people likely either loving it completely or wanting a hatchet to cut out their eyes so they will be less bored. However, the stuff at the end is almost impossible to love. The emotions and acting here are top notch and the whole 45 minute plus (yes it’s that long) segment is just amazing to me, but like I said, if you disagree here, I understand for a change.

Now since I doubt most of you remember Backlund’s reign, I thought you might like to see how it ends. This is four days after Survivor Series in Madison Square Garden.

Backlund then crawled up the aisle to leave. He made Nash look like a god and it worked beautifully. However, later on he complained about how Nash took the celebration too far and didn’t show him enough respect. Dude, you’re 45 years old and more or less a novelty act who got beat in 8 seconds so that they could save Nash vs. Hart. Get over your hall of fame self.

Vince and Gorilla can’t believe it. Vince booked it, why couldn’t he believe it?

Guts N Glory vs. Million Dollar Team

Guts N Glory: Lex Luger, Mabel, Adam Bomb, Smoking Guns

Million Dollar Team: King Kong Bundy, Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Bundy isn’t really the captain. He’s just listed first here. I don’t think there actually was one here. This was the tail end of the awesome Tatanka vs. Luger feud, which kick started at Summerslam. The idea was simple: Tatanka and just about everyone else on the planet thought Luger had sold out to DiBiase, but there was no concrete proof. Basically DiBiase kept helping Luger, but there was never anything for sure.

Tatanka kept saying Luger did it, but Luger denied it. This led to a match at Summerslam, where in reality Tatanka was the one that had sold out all along. It was a lot better than it sounds here and that’s your main basis for this match. It’s really more DiBiase vs. Luger, but Luger had to get his army of lower midcard faces to help him out so here we are. Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely hate Men on a Mission? I absolutely loathe them.

Mo isn’t here for this, but we still get Mabel and Oscar, making M.O. out of them, so in a weird way we have all three of them. Yeah that was stupid. Luger and Tatanka start here as Vince recaps everything I just said. I beat Vince to it. Take that you old man. While Luger is getting chopped, Mable raises the roof on the apron, showing the cutting edge intellectual capacity he brings to this team. They somehow botch a clothesline where Luger hits him in the back of the head.

Pritchard comes in but before Luger kills him we get Mabel vs. Bundy. Please take me now. Wait apparently no we don’t. Ok so wait, Mabel came in and challenged Bundy, then stepped out just to come back in. Yeah I hate this match already. The crowd chants Whoop there it is. Bundy is out in less than ten seconds and Pritchard comes back in. Since he’s tiny and Mable has his own gravitational pull, this is going to be quick.

He goes to the second rope and hits a freaking CROSS BODY BLOCK onto Pritchard to kill him completely. Vince botches the call by saying that the Gigolo calls himself Del Ray. Is anyone else getting a migraine? I know I am. Somehow for the third time in four minutes we have Bundy vs. Mable. Just make the porn version already and end this stupid thing. You know that Vince would do it too if he thought it would make money.

Yep I’ll have that image in my head for the rest of the show, and somehow it’s less stupid than this. Amazingly, this showdown is awful. Let’s go to Bigelow. He has that pesky thing called talent though so he just doesn’t fit in here at all. He goes for an enziguri which misses but Mabel tries a spin kick. I would say hits, but he literally misses by at least 10 inches. I mean this was awful. The fans loudly groaned at the sight of it.

I have to finish it. I have to finish it. I have to finish it. This HAS to improve. I don’t think it can actually get worse. They both go to the floor so they can lay there for awhile since it’s past their nap times. They have to stop for one an hour after they eat. They take a lot of naps.

Mabel gets counted out as Bigelow beats the count. Somehow that fat tub of goo would be the King of the Ring and top heel within 8 months. Vince must have been on the REALLY GOOD crack at this time. Or maybe he didn’t have any in him at all and that’s what caused all this. So now we have Del Ray vs. Billy Gunn. Somehow, this is better. Read who’s in there, and think about that for a minute.

Now we shift to Bomb vs. Bigelow and Adam hits that SWEET slingshot clothesline of his. Dang I love that move. He dominates just like he would do against Mabel at In Your House but after one shot from Bundy, Bigelow puts him down and moonsaults him out of it. I’ve always hated when a guy gets hit with one shot and since it’s from behind, it’s a knockout shot. What’s the deal with that? Del Ray hits two sweet superkicks that do nothing at all.

However, after a standard illegal elbow, he’s gone to Luger. Good to see that some things never chance. The Guns beat on Tatanka for the better part of ever and it’s just barely interesting. They were just such a worthless team. You can tell they’re real cowboys though. They’re wearing khakis. Yep the Beautiful People match is certainly more interesting, especially with those shots of Velvet’s figure. Dang.

Anyway, Bart goes for a crucifix and gets caught in the End of the Trail, which is apparently the name of Tatanka’s finishing move. Forget that it’s the Papoose To Go. We’re 4-2 now with the excellent team of Billy Gunn and Lex Luger against the four heels. Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant. I really can’t stand Vince saying YES NO! Is he really that impatience? A splash ends Billy, making it AMERICA vs. four. Oh boy I can barely contain my excitement.

As I look at my clock, we’ve been at this beatdown for six minutes now. Oh joy indeed. Why do I need to see Luger get beaten up that long? Wait, that might mean an injury which means him off TV. BLAST HIM WITH EVERY FREAKING THING YOU’VE GOT PEOPLE! Our ot nowhere Luger rolls him up for the pin and then literally lays there on the ground while Bundy gets ready for the splash.

It was without a doubt the worst looking thing I’ve ever seen in a match like this. That’s the end and the heels celebrate before beating on Luger forever. The faces finally run out for the save. I guess they wanted to see the annoying one get beaten on too. This segment just went on forever.

Rating: C-. I know I blasted this match a lot, but for some reason by the end it wasn’t horrible. I think it was the faces losing clean that fixed a lot of this. That’s what the match should have been: the heels getting a clean win which is something that hardly ever happens. It’s a match where the pieces don’t add up to what you get at the end, which is a good thing.

Backlund has a press conference to talk about how he’ll be a role model. Yep for all of three days.

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Before this, we have the debut of the deity himself, Chuck Norris. He’s the guest referee tonight, which shouldn’t be a problem for him. He can certainly count to ten. He counted to infinity twice, so ten is easy. He’s there to keep people from coming out to beat up Taker. That’s a good idea, since he’s so strong that he never does push-ups. He simply pushes the world down. After two of the slowest intros ever, it’s time to go.

Before the match even begins, we can already see the problem here: no one believes Yoko has a chance, and he doesn’t. Yoko can’t really do anything to Taker so Taker starts beating on him. The managers interfere to turn the momentum over. Yeah that doesn’t work. Momentum implies movement, and I don’t think they’ve actually moved in this match. They’re just so freaking slow. Now with Taker it makes sense, but with Yoko it’s just due to fatness.

He took some time off after this match and came back even bigger. That can’t be good. Anyway, Norris is mostly just window dressing for the majority of this match. He’s shown a few times standing there. Dang I ran out of jokes for a minute. I’ll make up for it later. Eventually Bigelow and Bundy come out and yell at him, leading to IRS running in and nailing Taker then putting him in a sleeper.

Taker would feud with DiBiase’s team until I think the following Summerslam, so yeah that went on way too long. The fat guys don’t do anything to Norris, and I can’t blame them. After all when the Boogeyman goes to bed at night he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. I’d be afraid too. So yeah, the rest is rather predictable, as has been the first part of the match. Yoko keeps trying but at the last second Taker rises up. The lack of drama is freaking killing this match.

It’s clear that no one believes Yoko has a chance. It’s fine to want to send the fans home happy, but at least try to build some drama. At least make Yoko look like he has a snowball’s chance out there. For no good reason, Jarrett comes out and Norris kicks him in the chest. Well that was rather pointless.

Yoko gets kicked into the casket to end it. I know that’s really lackluster, but seriously there was just nothing else to say about it. It was just as you would expect it to be: not that interesting, slow, and completely lacking in drama. This was pretty bad.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was bad. As I’ve said a million times, the best thing a match can do is have you guessing who is going to win. There was absolutely zero doubt here who the winner would be. It’s a great sign when you know who the winner is going in and they get you caught up in it anyway.

For a great example, see Taker vs. Shawn. We knew Taker would win, but it got us going anyway. As for this, Norris was the big celebrity of the show and he did what he was supposed to do: beat up a midcard guy. It was ok for a pointless main event, but this wasn’t interesting at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This is about as back and forth of a show as you’re ever going to find. The first match is ok, the second is beyond awful, the third is great, the fourth is ok, and the last is awful. Also, a LOT of people will disagree on the title match, and like I said before I’m fine with that. It’s a tricky one to call and it really depends on your taste as a fan. I loved it, and for me it almost carries this show. Overall, the show is certainly watchable, but it’s forgettable.

The title change that mattered was the following weekend so this one meant little. Other than that, it’s a very forgettable show. Taker won the feud as he always did, there was an awful match, Luger managed to blow another one, and there was an ok opener. Seriously, nothing here stands out. It’s ok if you’re really bored and just want to kill about 3 hours, but don’t go out of your way.

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Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Gardens, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

So it’s a year later now and there are indeed a few changes. For one thing, Hogan is completely gone. He would appear in WCW in a few months time. Other than that, the evil Yokozuna is now world champion with Lex Luger being his main adversary. That’s your main event here tonight, as it’s the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. It’s a five match card that I remember very fondly for some reason.

There are some very good moments here along with some rather stupid ones. It’s an odd time for the company as they’re definitely in a transitional period here, with Yoko and Luger being the two main guys and Bret not far behind them. None of those three are incredibly huge stars at the moment, so this is a weird time for them. We’re back to the traditional Survivor Series formula though, so this should be a bit better than what we had in the very early 90s I guess. Let’s find out.

Before we get the standard intro, we see Vince and Bobby getting ready backstage. Vince says he smells bananas, which scares Bobby because it means Monsoon is around. He and Ross are doing Radio WWF tonight, which is either brilliant or very stupid and I’m not sure which. This would be Bobby’s last PPV before heading to WCW as well. The intro was an odd one with the skeleton of a building and the logo hanging from a crane. I have no idea what this was supposed to be.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor

Razor Ramon, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid, Mr. Perfect

IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

So the fourth man was supposed to be Mr. Perfect, but for some reason he’s gone. There are numerous reasons as to why he’s gone, but we’re not sure either way. Some say he was in rehab, some say he left due to steroid issues, some say he was hurt. We’re not sure either way, but he wouldn’t be seen again until Wrestlemania where he was supposed to start a feud with Luger, but he was gone after one appearance.

Anyway, Ramon says he has a substitute that has as much machismo as he does. Heenan says it’s some other punk, but as the music hits Heenan freaks out since it’s Randy Savage. The deal with Savage was that his friend Crush had gotten hurt by Yoko so he turned heel on Savage and beat the living heck out of him. Savage was PISSED and would do anything to get at Crush.

They would eventually have a last man standing match (kind of) at Mania. Crush was supposed to get a massive singles push but for some reason it never came. In the end that was a good thing because he was arrested and went to jail for a few years on weapons charges. Apparently Heenan called this sometime before and Vince says ok, ok you were right for once. FOR ONCE? Dag Heenan was great.

Oh yeah why are these people in this match. Shawn Michaels had been IC Champion but was suspended for failing a steroids test (which he to this day denies). To fill the void we had a battle royal with the last two people in it having a match and the winner of that won the IC belt.

Razor and Martel were your winners and then Razor won the title. Shawn kept his belt though so there were two belts. They were hung above the ring at Wrestlemania 10. You know the rest. As for the other guys, there’s no point to them being there. IRS and Razor had a mini feud that was blown off at the Rumble but that’s it.

Anyway, we start with Razor and Martel and Razor beats the tar out of him. Are you surprised? He tags out to Adam Bomb who I was always a mark for. He and Crush would later become Kronik in WCW. They do a test of strength and since he’s a heel, Bomb cheats. Oddly the bad guy is the face here. Anyway, Razor goes for a cover on Bomb but Martel runs in for a save with an elbow.

It hits Bomb and Harvey is kind of annoyed, so Martel hits him. Now we’ve got a big team brawl and for once, the faces let them fight. I’ve never gotten why they didn’t do that more often. When another team is fighting, why not let them do it and get a breather? Savage, being the only true big star on his team at that point, gets on the ropes and plays to the crowd here. And that is why Savage is better than anyone else in this match and better than most in history.

Old guys know how to get things done like that. See, today, most people have a chance like this and they just stand there. Savage, already getting hugs pops no matter what he does, plays to the crowd to try to get a bigger one. That sticks in people’s heads.

Instead of just sitting around doing nothing, he’s talking to the crowd, and there is nothing a crowd loves more than being acknowledged and being considered a small part of the match. It makes them feel special and the more a wrestler does that for them, the bigger star they’ll become.

Anyway, even Heenan acknowledges that this team might not work. Oh great it’s the 1-2-3 Kid against Adam Bomb. He might kill him. GO BOMB! Now Diesel gets to beat on him a bit. I’ve always liked Diesel. Savage gets tagged in to a huge pop. Heenan dubs him Captain Schizo. That’s just humorous. He beats up the heel team by himself, capping it off by slamming Diesel and hitting the elbow to pin him for the first elimination.

Vince says that this match has been confusing. Why is that? It’s been very simple to me at least. In a weird sequence, Savage uses a bunch of left handed clotheslines. That just looked odd. Heenan asks if Vince has ever cheated anybody. Vince says of course not. That needs no jokes whatsoever. At this point, Marty still hasn’t been in yet. Must be a bad coke attack or something. IRS and Martel switch while the referee is with Savage. Of course it is allowed.

Heenan asks if Vince wants to be WWF President. Why take the second best job? This has been pretty solid so far. As Savage is beating the tar out of IRS, Crush comes out. Savage hits the floor immediately and goes after him. While he’s distracted, IRS rolls up Savage to pin him. Crush leaves and Savage chases him off. He goes into the back and we stay with Savage for THIRTY SECONDS.

Dude, you know there is that pesky little match going on out in the ring? You might want to take a look at it. I guess not. I know it doesn’t sound long, but missing thirty seconds of a match is a long time. Think about it like this: Hogan picked up Andre and pinned him inside of 30 seconds. Yeah that’s not important though. We’re back now with Bomb against Jannetty. A Razor’s Edge takes out IRS. For those of you keeping score, it’s Jannetty, Kid and Razor against Martel and Bomb.

We get a big brawl as Razor goes for another Edge, but IRS hits Razor in the ribs with the briefcase. He gets counted out as a result. We now get Kid against Martel, and naturally Kid gets a lot better against a smaller guy. Apparently you beat him by putting out some cookies and milk. He’ll run out and you beat him. Heenan is so brilliant it’s unbelievable. Now it’s standard heel dominance with the faces looking for the hot tag.

That’s very basic but very good at the same time. Jannetty comes in finally and beats up Martel for awhile and then tags in Kid, which makes limited sense but I’m no drug addled professional. Kid pins Martel with a sunset flip and then Marty gets Bomb with one as well about 12 seconds later to win it. That was a fun finish.

Rating: B. This was a fun match. It’s not great, but it’s entertaining and it made sense. The faces won with quickness over the power team and Savage dominated. Also Razor, the singles champion in there, saved face and set up a bigger feud with IRS. That is what these things are supposed to do. Overall, this was fun and it worked quite well, making it a very good opener and a good sign for this show.

Todd is with Shawn, who says he’s the real IC Champion and then he insults Bret and his family. This is miles better than last year as he’s finally got the Heart Break Kid character down. We go to an interview with the Harts from earlier in the day. Ray Combs, a game show host, is the special celebrity here doing the interview.

He’s far less annoying than the majority of these people. For some reason Stu is wearing a Detroit Pistons jacket for no apparent reason here as the show is in Boston. That’s just odd. Keith has a porn mustache that is really odd. Shawn says he’ll take out Stu if he gets in the way. Remember that line.

Before we go to the ring, we have a short interview with the winners of the previous match, minus Macho.

Hart Family vs. Shawn/Knights

Bret, Keith, Bruce, Owen

Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), Red Knight (Barry Horowitz), Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord/Glenn Jacobs)

We’re actually not sure who the Black Knight is. If it’s Jacobs, that’s Kane. If it’s not, then this is his career highlight. This was supposed to be Jerry Lawler, but he was up on rape charges (the girl admitted she made the whole thing up), so they threw Shawn in and tried to make it based on the match from last year, which is at least an attempt at a story. Combs does the introductions here, and is ok I guess.

He does some standard jokes about HBK, but this goes on WAY too long and the fans just aren’t interested. It’s not as bad as Kid Rock at Mania, but it’s pretty bad. It goes on about 5 minutes, which is FAR too long for this. We’re at 10 minutes for the intros alone. This is just stupid. Bret is wearing pink. Only he can pull that off. Combs does commentary for the match as well. Heenan is in top form here insulting the Harts.

Monsoon reminds me of my uncle for some reason. We start out with Bruce, so you can tell what this is going to be. He’s a history teacher. Oh dear. Keith, the fireman, comes in. This cracks Heenan up. We see the problem here very easily: the two unknown Hart aren’t very good. All they know how to do is an armbar here and there. It’s just rather boring. Seriously, were Neidhart and Bulldog not available? They would be about a million times better here.

Heenan keeps talking about how Owen is in the shadow of Bret. That would turn into one of the best heel turns I can ever remember. Black Knight in now and Owen kicks his teeth in too. Now we have Bret against the Blue Guy. Heenan keeps teasing that he knows who the Knights are. When asked about the Blue Knight, he says that he’s either the Blue Knight or Bob Barker. This is being written two days after Barker hosted Raw, so that cracked me.

Why are the two unknown brothers wrestling most of this match? Seriously, that’s just stupid. The commentary is by far and away the best part of this match. Combs is pretty good actually. Granted he has no clue what’s going on, but his timing and enthusiasm are there. That’s all I ask: at least pretend you want to be there. Check out Pamela Anderson at the 95 Rumble. She hates the whole thing and is there for a paycheck. I have no interest in celebrities like that, no matter what they look like.

We get a big brawl and the Black Knight is pinned by a top rope dropkick from Owen. Ray thinks it’s over, and I have no issue with that because he’s energetic. He genuinely seems like he wants to be there, and I’m fine with him being a bit off if that’s the case. I’ve never gotten the point of them mentioning that a show is live when we’re watching it. It’s like a commercial for the show you’re watching. You’ve already hooked us, so we don’t need it again.

Vince: Bobby Heenan, you’re a bad man. That sums it up perfectly I’d say. Heenan reminds Vince that this is Survivor Series and Vince says he knows what it is. I wonder if he wanted to say “I know what it is, I invented it you fat blowhard!” Ok, now Keith has been in there forever, and we’re back to the stupid part. He’s been in there like 5 minutes and it’s been all arm work. Why not instead use one of the best sellers of all time?

Oh yeah because it would make SENSE! Heenan makes another great point: the Harts don’t look alike. He’s very right actually. Make that seven minutes. FINALLY a missed Rocket Launcher and Bret gets in to breathe some life into this thing. Red Knight is tapping in about 10 seconds and it’s 4-2. Bret is knocked to the floor and Keith goes over to check him. That makes sense since he’s been beaten on for about 8 minutes and is more or less one armed at this point.

I guess Owen and Bruce were busy? On the floor Stu is trying to rub his arm back into socket, which for once makes sense from a manager. Heenan gets in my favorite line of the match: “Hey, you wanna know who the Blue Knight is?” Vince says he would like to. “He’s the guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” Vince walked right into that one.

FINALLY we have Bret vs. Shawn, 18 minutes into the freaking match. Yep this just makes so much sense. That’s the theme of this match: how much sense can we make? Heenan makes an America’s Most Wanted reference. Combs says Bobby could star on America’s Most Unwanted. We have a rival for Heenan. Shawn does indeed go after Stu, and he gets POPPED. I don’t mean some love tap, I mean Stu smacks the taste out of Shawn and the crowd is into this all of a sudden.

That was awesome and makes up for the rest of this match. Shawn sells it at an amazing level of course since that’s what he does. That was great. Even Heenan kisses up to Stu for a bit. That’s all the proof you need right there. Owen Sharpshooter ends the Knights and it’s 4-1. Immediately, Shawn hits a big kick on Bruce, which is now known as Sweet Chin Music. However, here it doesn’t work.

Wow, Bruce has a tougher chin than Bret. Maybe we had the wrong Hart all along. Bret comes in and beats on him but gets poked in the eye. He tags Owen but walks on the apron for no apparent reason. Shawn sends Owen into the ropes and therefore into Bret who knocks down the railing. Owen is concerned and rolls Shawn up to make it 3-1. The Harts beat on Shawn for awhile after Owen is FREAKING out on him.

They beat Shawn up really badly as Stu tries to calm him down. I have never gotten what Owen’s problem was here. He got pinned. His team still won, and it was his fault that he hit Bret. He didn’t have to look down at him. Anyway, Shawn bails and the celebration is on. Owen comes back and yells at the Harts who leave without them.

This was the beginning of the Owen heel turn, which was excellent on so many levels, with the biggest one ever being Owen pinning Bret clean in the best opening match of all time at Wrestlemania 10. The feud would continue at the Rumble, with Bret trying to get Owen his first championship by teaming up with him to fight for the tag titles.

Bret wrestled with a knee injury and they actually stopped the match for it. Owen was pissed and beat Bret up for it, which was the first time I agreed with a heel. It was Bret’s fault, not Owen’s. Oh yeah this match is over by the way. I’m just rambling on.

Rating: D+. This was just flat out BORING. It’s about 75% armbar. It’s a Chris Jericho joke apparently. Keith and Bruce were just flat out boring out there with no real offense at all, which is fine in that they hadn’t wrestled in years. That brings the question: WHY HAVE THEM? Seriously, all of the Harts are wrestlers. Were they all retired? Honestly, Neidhart at least would have made sense here. He’s a half brother and more importantly: HE WAS PASSABLE IN THE RING.

There’s history with him and Bret, and while he would play a role later in the angle, that wasn’t for almost a year. Seriously, they could have fit him in with him siding with Owen over this part of the feud. I don’t get it at all. Anyway, the match was just boring and it didn’t work that well. Shawn vs. Bret was good, but that’s all there was worth watching.

Gorilla and Ross are on commentary now.

We now get a random recap of the main event, despite there being two matches before that. Tatanka, who was undefeated for about two years got beaten up by Borga and Yoko to knock him out. He got replaced by a certain someone that I’ll get to at the time of the match.

To retaliate, Luger eliminated Pierre, which is somehow dumber than Luger is, so there we are. Pierre got replaced by Crush, which makes even less sense since he’s an American and was injured by the heels in the first place, but then again I’m no professional.

Smokey Mountain Tag Titles: Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Now this is a real headscratcher for about 10 reasons. Where to begin? Let’s see. For one thing, the Smokey Mountains are nowhere NEAR Boston. Second, what is Vince getting out of this? Cornette I suppose. Third, why aren’t we seeing the WWF Tag Titles defended here? Fourth, it’s freaking SMW. That just makes no sense. Fifth, why are Ross and Gorilla doing the commentary here?

Anyway, this is a very old school style match with the standard Midnights vs. RNRE formula: faces dominate early, heels take over and beat on Morton FOREVER until the hot tag and the very fast paced stuff from the Express and then the finish. Yeah I know that’s not much to go on, but it’s the generic yet great formula from the RNRE that made them and the Midnights the best act in the world. If you like modern tag wrestling, those four are who you have to thank for it.

It’s a very solid match of course, but it would have been perfect if it was Lane and Condrey or Eaton over there instead. The Bodies were a team that the WWF tried to make cool but they just never could pull it off. SMW was Cornette’s big attempt at running his own company and he did pretty well considering what he was up against. For one thing, wrestling was just bad when he tried to do it, but it ran nearly five years and he did pretty well with what he had.

Heck he’s got matches on Survivor Series. Anyway, this was the big feud in SMW, and while there it was the feud of the promotion, here’s it’s four guys that no one knows wrestling, and that’s the problem. No one knows these people and for the most part, no one cares. Boston has always been a WWF town, so this old school mentality and style is lost on them.

It’s a great match, but they just don’t get it and a big part of that is due to the wrestlers. It’s like Japanese wrestlers in America. If the people don’t get it, they’re not going to care. Anyway, after about 15 minutes, Cornette hits Gibson with the racket to give the Bodies the belts. Yeah that’s about it.

Rating: B. This was good, but like I said, the lack of anything close to recognition really hurt this one. The match is great, but most people that aren’t old school fans won’t like it. That hurt here too as the crowd only popped for big spots, which is fine for the most part, but they just sounded bored. That’s not fine.

The faces say that they’ll win tonight.

Four Doinks vs. Headshrinkers/Bastian Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant is it? The Four Doinks are Men on a Mission and the Bushwakers instead of you know, Doink and three other guys. Yeah that’s what we’re dealing with here. Doink is injured so we get these four. I have no idea which one is the most talented. Actually I don’t think any of them have talent so we’ll skip that part. Oh boy this is going to suck badly. Oh look it’s a comedy match. The Bushwackers have balloons.

Ooo good boy Samu bite them! Wait, what? He bit a balloon with water in it and it surprised him, leading to him getting rolled up. Ok, reasons why this is stupid. He’s a freaking savage and he’s scared of water? Second, couldn’t he see the water or feel the balloon actually weighing something? Booger comes in and beats on the faces for awhile and….there’s a banana peel in the ring. I’m pausing now to take some deep breaths.

There is no way that could happen is there? They couldn’t actually be planning on doing what I think they’re planning on doing could they? Someone tell me that’s not what they’re planning to do. I need to hear someone say it. Ok thank goodness: Booger just got pinned by a big splash instead.

That’s at least reasonable coming from the big fat tub of goo known as Mable. And Fatu just slipped on the banana and got pinned. That does it. Screw this. I have better things to do with my time than review a circus. Keep laughing Vince. I won’t be able to hear you.

Rating: N/A. I review wrestling. This wasn’t wrestling.

Cornette and the heel team have something to say. Cornette cuts perhaps the best promo I’ve ever heard him cut as he talks about the Foreign Fanatics’ strategy for tonight. He says that they see the face team as one man because they’re a unit. The Steiners are the heart of the team. If you take away a man’s heart, he has no energy or desire to do anything. The Undertaker is the mind of the team.

If you take away a man’s mind, he’s dazed and confused. Luger is the soul of the team. And if you take away a man’s soul, then you’ve defeated him. And that my friends, is why Jim Cornette is one of the best talkers of all time. Oh and Johnny “Raven” Polo is in the background. Dang talk about a character change. He would be Raven in less than a year.

Vince decides to give a clichéd history themed intro to this match. Yeah this is dumb.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

All Americans: Luger, Steiners, Undertaker

Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush, Jacques Quebecer (yes that’s what they call him)

First of all, since I love it so much, here’s the way the All Americans replaced Tatanka.

No real reason for that. I just really like it. Anyway, onto the match itself. After about 8 minutes of introductions (my least favorite part of these shows), we’re ready to go. Borga comes out to Nikolai Volkoff’s music. That might be the other way around. I’m not sure. In case I haven’t explained, the feuds were supposed to be Luger vs. Yoko, Tatanka vs. Borga and Steiners vs. Quebecers, which at least makes sense.

Due to either injuries or Vince being really high one night, this is what we’ve got instead. Heenan sees a sign that says Yokotuna. I’ve been calling him that for years and have never been able to figure out where I got it from. Now I have my answer. I knew there was a point to me watching this all over again. We start with more stalling as no two want to start. Scott and Pierre finally start us off. The heels have Fuji, Polo and Cornette at ringside.

In other words we have WWF, NWA and ECW out there. Well no one can say they didn’t incorporate everyone. Pierre offers a handshake and Scott gives the screw you sign. Yep Scott is a great role model. Yoko is world champion here which is pointed out as he comes in. Rick manages to knock him to the floor which is actually surprising. Ludvig comes in now and Rick manages to beat him up. Naturally since Rick is doing well, he gets eliminated about 20 seconds later.

Upon further review though, I think this was a legit injury. He hits a top rope shoulder block and Borga just kind of flips him over and pins him. You can tell Vince is surprised too. Yeah he’s limping out after nothing was done to his lower body so I’m thinking he pulled something.

In the main event with a guy dominating even the WWF isn’t dumb enough to get rid of him after just five minutes. Yeah that was a legit injury. It was WAY too fast to have been planned that way. Given the stalling now to buy time for Rick to get out of there, yeah I’m convinced this is an injury. Just to reiterate: I think it was a legit injury.

Scott hits a pretty nice double underhook suplex on Crush. We get word that Savage is back in the building. Is that really surprising? He was there earlier, so why would it be odd that he’s back? Yep here he comes. While this is happening, Crush picks up Scott and just drops him over the top rope. That was sick. They get Savage out and say he’s out of the building. I’ll be checking my watch now to see how long it takes him to get back. My bet is three minutes.

Heenan talks about how Fuji has turned Crush into a heel and that he can see some gold in his future. That likely would have happened had it not been for…some unknown reason. Initially he was supposed to have Luger’s role but I guess they thought Crush wasn’t ready or something and this is what you got instead. Dang it was only two minutes. Scott (called the Steiner) sends him to the floor and Crush goes after Savage.

This gets him counted out as the crowd is completely insane for this. This was begging for a big time cage match. Why in the world Savage was turned into a big bunch of nothing instead of the top face is beyond me. He clearly was still able to go as he would be winning world titles nearly seven years after this and he was WAY over, but I guess he was hanging out with Stephanie too much around this time and if you don’t get that reference, look it up.

Now it’s Pierre vs. Scott as Luger or Taker haven’t been in yet. Pierre gets a three by mistake but they say it was a two which anyone that can see or hear could tell you was incorrect. Vince keeps calling them the Quebecer and the Steiner. Luger finally comes in and an elbow from the second rope puts Pierre out. It’s 3-2 now if you’re keeping score. We get word that Savage has been throw out again and just as I’m getting ready to type it, Heenan asks how he keeps getting in. Is he Batman?

He suggests that Savage hangs out in the rafters. No Bobby that wouldn’t be for about 4 more years. Steiner and Borga have a decent battle as there is still no Taker in this match, which I guess makes something close to sense: save your big gun for the end. Steiner wants to try the Frankensteiner. Yeah that was just freaking stupid. He gets hit by a massive leg drop to end him and make it 2-2.

Luger and Yoko start with the rematch from Summerslam. The idea is that Luger isn’t allowed to have a rematch no matter what. Eventually he gets a rematch if he can win the Rumble, which he ties in. That could have been a great story if he ever actually won the title. It became like Jeff Hardy for awhile, but the difference was that Jeff finally won the freaking belt and gave us the awesome moment.

Luger never had that moment and it made the rest look bad by comparison. Heenan is asked where he gets his material and he says open your eyes. That’s just odd. After Yoko misses a splash, Luger makes the big tag to Taker and the fans are FREAKING OUT. A swinging DDT nearly kills Yoko and Borga nails him to try to break the momentum. Taker turns and just smacks him as if to say boy please I’m the dead man.

The big belly to belly gets nothing as Taker sits up to another huge pop. If you want to know one of the biggest reasons for why Taker got over, it’s called Bobby Heenan. He was awesome with putting him over. Yoko hits the Banzai then goes for a second and Taker sits up again. It’s just awesome all around as even Heenan can’t talk. Think about that for a second.

They fight to the floor, which is to say Taker beats on him for a bit longer as we get the inevitable double count out and we have our Royal Rumble main event. So it’s now one on one and I think you know the drill. It’s more or less a six minute match with the usual interference and the forearm ends it.

Yeah there’s nothing more to say about this. Just like last year, it starts to snow and freaking Santa Claus comes out. I have never gotten what they were going for with this and I think this was the last time that they did it which is likely a good thing.

Rating: C-. It was long and rather dull, but it did what it was supposed to do in advancing the stories. Luger beats Borga clean and Taker vs. Yoko is set. Also the fans went home happy and Luger looks big and invincible again so I can’t really complain. It could have been better but it certainly could have been worse so we’ll say it’s just below average.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some good and some awful on here, so we’ll say it balances out. Some people would love this and some would hate it. I thought it was ok, but the comedy match was just a disgrace and the main event was just ok. The first match and the tag match were solid enough though.

There are definitely moments here where you’ll be bored out of your mind but there are moments where you’ll be entertained, which I think slightly outweigh the bad. That’s good enough for a mild recommendation I guess. It’s nothing special and it’s not horrible I suppose, but don’t expect to be blown away.

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Survivor Series 1992
Date: November 25, 1992
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

Ok so for once we really do have a ton of changes here. For one thing, this is far closer to a standard PPV. There’s one Survivor Series match which is kind of one I guess, but it’s two tag teams and if one member is eliminated both members are gone so it’s kind of a Survivor Series match but not really. The other huge difference here is that there’s no Hogan or Warrior. Warrior is on the box of the tape, but he wasn’t on the show.

He was supposed to be in half of the double main event, a tag match with Savage against Razor Ramon and Flair. However, he bailed a week before the show and the WWF had to use Mr. Perfect in what I thought was a great angle that I’ll get to later. Other than that, your main event is Bret vs. Shawn. This was a real gamble for Vince as we had never tried having two standard wrestlers go at it in a major show’s main event.

There’s no big muscle head to go out and have a match, but Vince put his faith in what he had left and to me, it worked. Other than that, this isn’t going to look like the Survivor Series. With what’s been happening lately at this show, it can’t be worse, so let’s see how this is.

We open with the Reverend Slick saying…ummm…I have no idea what he’s talking about. I think it was something about spreading light. Yeah this was a strange character but he was very energetic so I can’t complain. Vince and Bobby go over the double main event and we’re ready to go.

Headshrinkers vs. High Energy

High Energy is Koko B. Ware and Owen Hart in really bright and baggy neon pants and suspenders. Headshrinkers are two Samoans that are monsters. Guess what this is. Yep, it’s a squash, however, oddly enough the Headshrinkers are in the ring before High Energy is introduced so they look like the jobbers. That’s just odd. I’ve always been a mark for the Headshrinkers so if nothing else I’ll probably like this match.

Fatu is more commonly known as Rikishi. Vince is needling Bobby about Perfect’s face turn which is just great. How in the world is Koko a Hall of Fame member? That just boggles my mind every time I think about it. Vince says that High Energy has been very successful so far. That’s nonsense but oh well. Heenan asks Vince if the Headshrinkers will be at his house for Thanksgiving. That’s an amusing thought and oddly enough I think Vince would have fun with it.

After Koko gets the tar beaten out of him for a good while, he makes the hot tag to the most talented guy in the match, Owen. Owen comes in and beats up the Headshrinkers for a bit, but the overall mass of the fat one is too much for Owen and he’s pinned after a big splash from the top.

This was fairly long at about seven and a half minutes but it was really just an extended squash. Post match Heenan uses his Brain Scan, a telestrator, the white pen thing on the screen, to show how Owen is a turkey. In other words, he draws pictures with it.

Rating: C+. It wasn’t bad, but it was a nice breath of air compared to most Survivor Series matches. It was a standard tag team squash, which isn’t something that you see very often anymore, mainly because the tag team division sucks. Anyway, this was at least ok. It’s not great but it’s not bad. It’s certainly acceptable and a fine choice to open the show.

Alfred Hayes is with Boss Man who says he’s going to beat Nailz.

Sean Mooney says that viewer discretion is advised for the following match. Now there’s something you don’t see every day. Nailz implies Boss Man was abusive and that he’s been waiting for this. He says he’s a good climber, so does that mean he’s an escaped convict? Yeah that’s just kind of stupid.

Boss Man cuts a promo…again. He says the exact same thing. I think only one was shown on the live broadcast, but I really don’t get why they did two in a row like this. The second is better.

Nightstick on a Pole: Big Boss Man vs. Nailz

During that second promo, Boss Man runs off mid sentence to catch Nailz who is trying to get the stick early. That at least makes sense. Yep it’s a big brawl. That’s all this was supposed to be. Boss Man was more or less worthless at this point, but Nailz was going to be given the Undertaker of all people next, as he had several house show matches followed by being on the cover of the WWF Magazine. However, after nearly murdering Vince McMahon (literally) he was fired.

As you would expect, both guys go for the post but neither can get it. The pole is too short though and all you have to do is stand on the top rope. Of course since this is a pole match and all they have to do is standard climbing, it takes 20 seconds to get up there. Nailz at least has the psychology of it right as he uses mainly chokes and punches. He’s not supposed to be a polished wrestler and he’s not wrestling like one.

He’s a street fighter and he’s acting like one. At least he’s smart enough to do that. This is just a sloppy match all around. They’re worn out after about three minutes with no big bumps yet. The way Bobby and Vince are talking about it you would think this was a Hell in a Cell match or something. See, if I were in this match, I’d let the other guy get the stick and then jump him on the way down, but then again I’m not a professional.

Boss Man gets the stick and beats Nailz with it, but a shot to the head isn’t enough to keep him down apparently. Nailz gets it and hits Boss Man in the side with it. He then waits for him to get up, misses a shot, gets punched twice, whipped in and the Boss Man Slam ends it. Yep that’s it. This was a waste of time.

Rating: D+. This was just awful. There was no point at all to it and it should have been a standard match instead of this mess. The nightstick served next to no purpose but of course it looked like it was awesome. It just wasn’t entertaining at all and ended without the stick being a factor. Just make it a one on one next time people.

Nailz, while choking Mooney, says that was more injustice.

Tatanka is in the back with Alfred Hayes. He says that tonight he’ll get back his eagle feathers and honor his people. Well at least it’s borderline original.

Gene is with Flair and Razor. Gene talks about how there was a big swerve going on and how Perfect is the new partner. We go to the tape of Prime Time Wrestling where Perfect turned. This was just after Warrior had left and Savage was on satellite from Florida. He says that his partner could be perfect for him.

The design of the show was a round table with Vince, Hillbilly Jim, Jim Duggan, Heenan and Perfect there discussing various things in the company and talking about matches that were shown. That’s actually a pretty cool idea when you think about it. Anyway, Vince says do you mean Mr. Perfect and Savage says he does. Heenan speaks for Perfect, saying that they both take orders from Flair and that Perfect isn’t wrestling anywhere.

Perfect takes offense to this and says that he’s tired of being ordered around before accepting. Heenan slaps him which causes Perfect to grab him by the tie and pour water over him, saying that Flair is afraid of him. We cut back to Flair, who is TICKED over this. He talks to Perfect, saying that he had it all and is throwing it away.

There’s a hint of fear in his voice which is just great as this is a heck of a promo. Ramon says that his team will win. He really wasn’t that good yet and it showed in his promos. He would get a lot better. The partnership here was always kind of a weird one as it was never really explained.

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

This is happening because Martel stole some feathers from Tatanka which were important. Well it’s better than nothing I guess. This is a bit of a departure from the Survivor Series idea wouldn’t you say? Heenan goes on a huge rant about life in general, mainly focused on Perfect. Martel chokes and Heenan shouts out that HE HAS TIL FIVE!

Sgt. Slaughter is now an enforcer of rules or something like that. A front facelock by Martel gets him nowhere. Scratch that as it gets him suplexed. Ok so it failed him once so now we go right back to it. Doink is here now as he has only been here for about five weeks now. Amazingly enough the facelock leads to ANOTHER suplex. That’s just appropriate.

Doink makes a balloon animal for a kid and steals it. That’s straight up awesome. Martel uses the hold AGAIN. Dude three times with the same hold in 3 minutes? Seriously? Are you that bored? A cop shows up in the front row and takes a sign as we cut away. It probably said WCW or something like that, making that person EVIL!

Martel hits the post with his shoulder so the stereotype goes after it, showing some intelligence. Backslide gets two which of course Vince swears is a pin. Doink continues to be a big focus here but I don’t think anything ever came of his involvement here. How weird is it to think that Vince has been WWF Champion but neither of these guys were?

Martel works on the back now as Tatanka is in trouble. Decent little match so far if nothing else. Double axe off the middle rope eats fist though and here comes the warpath thing. Top rope chop hits Martel and he’s in big trouble. Samoan drop ends it and Tatanka gets the feathers back. Doink pops the kids’ balloons just to be evil.

Rating: C-. This was fine for what it was: a midcard match that nothing ever really came of. It was the end to this mini-feud and nothing else ever came of it. Both guys were at least ok in the ring and it went fine I guess. Nothing ever came of the Doink thing though, which means it was indeed, completely pointless, for him to be out there at the end.

We go to Mooney who is with Savage and Perfect, who say that they’re a strange team but they respect each other. In some weird way, this match actually looks decent enough I guess. Perfect gives a WOO at the end which ticks Bobby off during the intros.

Razor Ramon/Ric Flair vs. Mr. Perfect/Randy Savage

The faces get a HUGE pop, especially Savage. How in the world did Vince not push him as top face once Hulk left? I’ll never get that for the life of me. He had everything: the look, the ability, the resume, yet for no apparent reason he was put behind the announce desk. That just doesn’t make sense to me. Heenan is so angry about this match that it’s hilarious. We start with Perfect against Ramon which gets yet another pop.

This AWA reunion begins with Perfect being all over the place and outmaneuvering Razor. The forgotten aspect is that these two are former AWA World Tag Team Champions. Perfect nails Flair and we get the big showdown. Savage and Flair is one of the best feuds ever. Both guys can go in the ring and it offered proof that the company could work without the big orange man to help them out. The heels take over now as Ramon puts on an abdominal stretch.

Vince has apparently been hanging out with Monsoon too much as he criticizes it for a lack of the hook of the toe. Has anyone ever done that hold properly? The heels are dominating Savage now, which makes sense as Perfect hasn’t been around for about a year now so it makes sense that he’s on the apron for a lot of the match. As Savage is being beaten on, Perfect turns to walk away. This makes limited sense as there’s no point to it really.

The heels do the smart thing and point Savage’s face at Perfect leaving, which would I guess work to break his spirit a bit. See, that’s why Flair is better than most wrestlers: he had the mental aspect of wrestling down. That’s a critical key to a wrestler that most people don’t have. Heenan ranting about Perfect is flat out awesome. This has been a pretty good match so far. It’s not great, but it’s what you would expect from a main event level tag match I suppose.

Razor hits a chokeslam which doesn’t have a name yet. Heenan says that he’s seen Ramon do that to the people on the streets of Miami. What area of Miami is Ramon from? I’ve never been there but apparently 6’6 men chokeslam you on the cement there. That’s fairly cool. Also, as Ramon goes for the cover and Perfect looks for the save, Bobby yells “GET OUT OF THE RING YOU LOWLIFE!”

That’s just an awesome line if there ever was one. He sounds so ticked off which is all you can ask for here. Flair goes to the top, and I’ll give you two guesses as to what happens. Actually you would be wrong because Savage does something different here. He climbs to the middle rope before going back to the bottom rope to slam him. That wouldn’t really add anything to the move I don’t think, but whatever, it looked cool.

This lets Savage get the hot tag to Perfect who proceeds to clean house. It’s chair time as Savage gets taken out by a shot from Flair. The referee gets bumped and apparently the other one was just behind the curtain because he’s out there in like 4 seconds. Perfect and Ramon are going at it and Razor sets for the Edge. Perfect gets a sweet counter by kicking off the top rope and backdropping Ramon.

He hits the Perfectplex but only gets two because of Flair. He hits another on Flair but no pin again with Razor making the save. Since both guys are in the ring forever, we get the DQ in a cheap ending. Flair puts him in the figure four and eventually Savage makes the save with a chair as the faces win. The face celebration takes way too long as they’re channeling Hogan I guess.

Rating: B. The ending hurts it a bit, but this was solid. It was a good tag match and while it didn’t have a definitive ending, it might be better that it didn’t here. Perfect looked good while Ramon looked pretty good as well. This was what you would expect from these four in this kind of a match. It went fine though, and I can’t really complain about anything other than the ending I guess. Bobby’s rants are great here.

Flair and Ramon are angry of course and they vow revenge.

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

This was the not incredibly fat Yoko, as he’s only 505 at this point and the monster that we know him as. He’s billed from Polynesia here which is just odd in all respects. We get a segment from earlier in the day where Hayes goes to Yoko’s room for an interview but Yoko is getting a massage. Fuji offers to let Alfred get a massage. He’s liking it as Fuji throws him out. Vince tries to make this match sound good. That’s just funny.

Despite being Polynesian apparently, Fuji has the Japanese flag. Vince says he hasn’t been tested yet. Apparently that’s going to be the case after this match too. Naturally, Virgil really can’t do much here. It’s basic jobber offense with punches and dropkicks that fail more and more every time. Yoko hits a sweet kick to the face that knocks him down with ease. He crushes him with a sweet spinning rock bottom suplex.

The squashing continues as Virgil tries to out move him. Vince says he’s trying to stay away from him as he’s running right at him. I love that classic Vince commentary. In a spot I’ve always wanted to see, Virgil goes for a school boy and Yoko just sits on him. That’s as simple as you could get and it worked perfectly. Within a few seconds the Banzai ends this one.

Rating: C. It’s a squash so I guess we’ll call it average. Virgil of course stood no chance here and it was nothing more than a way to get Yoko over and there’s nothing at all wrong with doing that here. It gave him a win over a somewhat big name and Virgil gets to eat tonight, so things are fine here. It was short, under four minutes that is, so what can I really complain about?

We go to the back with Savage and Perfect who say that was great. They say Ramon and Flair are the turkeys.

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc./Beverly Brothers

This is the elimination tag I was talking about earlier. Money Inc. are the tag champions here and are in the middle of a feud with the Nastys that I don’t remember in the slightest. DiBiase is wearing the stupid white attire again which if you’ve read my thoughts on Summerslam 92, you know my take on. The other two teams had fought at Summerslam so I guess that constitutes a feud, despite it being a squash. Yeah that makes sense.

The Nastys are WAY over. That’s quite surprising to me. Again, this is a very boring match indeed. I don’t get the point in having these kinds of things, although I guess in this case only having one works fine. This is even a switch from the normal stuff and it’s still rather pointless. Vince asks if Heenan will be on an upcoming European tour. Heenan says he might but it’s really none of Vince’s business.

I love lines like that where given what we know now the meanings are far different. Yep, this match sucks as well. Why can’t there just be interesting matches on a show? I don’t get how hard that is to accomplish. Anyway, after about five minutes of people just beating on each other with the freaking Nasty Boys being the most over out there (I will never get wrestling fans at times), we get to what we knew was coming: the wild brawl.

Out of this, the Beverlies go down to the Earthquake from Earthquake. He really needed a better name for that move. My goodness Typhoon was worthless. Actually that’s not true. He was good for comedy, as he’s more commonly known as the legendary Shockmaster. Good grief this will just not end.

The heels dominate for a few minutes until Typhoon comes in to clean house a bit. This works for awhile until IRS rolls him up to eliminate the Disasters. Within five seconds, Knobbs rolls him up for the win. I kind of like that ending I think.

Rating: D. Oy this was another horrible match. There’s just no point to this match other than to further Nasties vs. Money Inc., which begs the question of why not just have them go at it by themselves? Wouldn’t that make things a lot easier? I’d certainly think so. Either way, this was nothing special and for the most part was just flat out boring. That seems to be a trend here.

We recap Taker vs. Kamala with the main thing being Kamala is scared of caskets. Why does that not surprise me? We see Taker building a massive casket before we go to the arena for the match.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

This is different than the traditional casket match with the rules here being that you have to get the pinfall and THEN put them in the box. Yeah that’s just redundant. The intros here are long but not modern day Taker long as it only takes about five minutes for both guys to come out. Taker and Bearer have the massive coffin with them which is always cool looking, but this one is way too bright for my liking.

Immediately we see the two major issues in this match. First of all, Kamala sucks, badly. Even for a monster he sucks. Second, the coffin aspect is just stupid since it’s pinfall first. Due to that, there’s really no point to the box aspect. They should have made it one or the other, but granted this was a first so they were really in the dark at this point. So far this is your standard monster vs. monster match. Taker beats on both managers but gets chopped by Kamala. This was a very odd time in Taker’s career.

They knew that he was a huge asset and talent, but they had absolutely no clue what to do with him. Since they didn’t know all they did was throw him against monster after monster whom Taker would usually beat after losing an initial encounter. This feud in particular since after this at the Rumble, Whippleman would bring in Giant Gonzalez who would destroy Taker for a bit before Taker put him away at Summerslam.

About 12 years later, the feud was completely recycled but with Muhammad Hassan and Mark Henry combining to play the role of Kamala and Great Khali being Gonzalez. The IWC HATED this feud because we were literally calling every single thing that was going to happen and we were right. Now to be fair, they waited over 10 years so I guess it’s ok, but still it was a very boring 8 months as far as we were concerned when it came to Taker.

Kamala starts taking over and hits some of the worst splashes ever. Like I’ve said, unless it’s from the top rope, for the most part if you use a splash for a finisher, odds are you’re not a very good wrestler. With Taker down, Kim Chee and Kamala literally play hot potato with the urn. Taker sits up and nails Kamala with it for the pin. See, after that they ring the bell, which shows how stupid this is. They roll Kamala into the coffin and literally nail it shut. Yep that’s it.

Rating: C+. Eh, given what they had this was about as good as it was going to get I suppose. Taker winning was never in doubt at all, but it was ok. It certainly could have been worse but they kept it short and that was a big plus for these guys. There’s really not a lot that they’ll be able to do, so I’m happy with this overall. The gimmick was a bit stupid, but they didn’t know what they were doing, so this is slightly above average.

Shawn cuts a pretty bad promo, talking about how he beat Bulldog for the IC belt, who beat Hart for the belt at Summerslam. Apparently Bret has defended the title the most times in history, which is impressive since I think he won it about 6 weeks before this. He was brand new to the big time and you could see he was very nervous.

We get a pointless bit about Kim Chee and Harvey opening the casket and Kamala not being able to move. And that’s about it.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

After Shawn’s intro, we go to the back for an interview with Bret. Since winning the belt he’s defended against Mountie, Berzerker, Rick Martel, Papa Shango and Virgil. And people have the nerve to ask why his first reign wasn’t taken seriously. Bret talks about how thankful he is for what he’s done and how he’s gotten this far. This had the potential to be a great promo, but Bret just wasn’t that good on the mic yet, which is understandable.

It fit his character really well as he was supposed to be the best pure wrestler in the world and while he couldn’t talk he could go in the ring. That’s what he did, and it worked very well. Like I said, this was a huge gamble for the company as they had no clue how to do a big show without Hogan or Warrior. This could have sunk the company for Vince, but thankfully he stuck to his guns and put two of his best young guys out there.

Bret gets a solid pop but not huge. Vince of course tries to make it sound bigger than Hogan ever got. Heenan gets in a great line. Vince says that Bret is likely the most scientific champion of all time. Heenan in his most condescending and annoyed voice says wrong. Vince asks who. Heenan: Flair. He sounds so snobby and annoyed here that it’s perfect. They start with a lengthy feeling out period, which makes sense here and works well since both of these guys can do just about anything.

Also, at this time Shawn doesn’t use the kick as his finisher, but rather a weird suplex move. The kick is in his arsenal but it’s just a run of the mill move. He’s kind of like a rookie MMA Brock Lesnar. He had everything else but he couldn’t finish people. Bret gets a hammerlock and Shawn actually taps but since it’s 1992 no one gets that. Dang maybe he’s more like Lesnar than I thought. Heenan mentions he gets paid a lot of money to do his job.

Vince’s “I’m sure you do” response is full of sarcasm which again is funnier now given that we know he signs Heenan’s checks. Given that this is a pretty long opening part of the match, the fans are staying into it which is a very good thing. Shawn uses that same rolling counter for a hip toss that he’s used before and it’s still completely awesome. Vince really likes talking about how Bret won the title.

How they evolved into what they became just five years later amazes me. We pick up the pace a bit which makes the match more interesting. Granted it was fine before but now it’s a bit better. Bret takes the standard momentum turning bump of having his shoulder hit the post at full speed.

Shawn shifts into a standard heel offense and this is working pretty well. These two have a natural chemistry between them and it’s never once failed to deliver at least a very good match. Even the Montreal match was at least good before the ending.

They continue the debate over who is stronger which never was answered I don’t think. Heenan, talking about Shawn, says this man is hot. Where’s Becca when I need her? I love how Vince orders the referees around. I wonder if he criticizes them about it later on. They kind of mention that Bret has won the Triple Crown but they don’t call it that. Pedro Morales had already done it so they can’t really say much about Bret.

Bobby goes to some classic insults about Bret’s family, which are likely what he was best at. We’ve been in this chinlock far too long now as Shawn just doesn’t have the variety in his offense to be able to pull off a nearly half hour match like this is. Given another year or two though he easily could, but he just wasn’t there yet. It seems that all he knows are rest holds, which I guess he’s using to just stall for time.

That’s fine I guess, but he needs to do some standard stuff in between them to prevent it from becoming boring. Heenan’s random talk of Razor and Flair is amusing. He played the role perfectly. You can tell Vince just can’t keep up with Heenan on the mic and it’s great to hear. Of course, Vince believed he was ten times the commentator that Gordon Solie was so who cares apparently.

Now that we’re out of the rest holds we’re turning it up a bit and now we’re getting good. Shawn of course gets hit with a sling shot which is one of his standard bumps that always works. Vince mentions that Bret has what a champion is made of. Vince, they’re both champions. Of course that’s not mentioned, so I guess even back then the IC Title was being buried. Dang I love that Russian Leg Sweep that Bret does.

For some reason Vince says what is going on. Well Vinny, it’s called a wrestling match. You might have seen one before but apparently not. The referee gets bumped in the corner but is up about 3 seconds later. I think that was unintentional. There’s just something missing from this match and I can’t put my finger on it. What I guess it is would be that neither of these guys are really huge stars yet.

Yes Bret is world champion, but he’s held it for such a short time that he’s still kind of viewed as a midcard guy. That’s what happened to Eddie during his run with the belt and it’s a hard thing to shake off. It’s a good match, but still there’s just an x factor that isn’t there. I think it’s a combination of Bret not going for the legs and Shawn having no finisher to end things with.

Today he would have the kick that he could hit from nowhere. He it looks like both guys are hoping to hit a rollup or something, and that’s what I think is missing. Shawn gets tied up in the ropes but is out in time for Bret to miss some big move and kind of get crotched. Apparently Bret is running himself too thin and whoever fights him next will beat him.

In the exact same ending to regulation time in the iron man match, Shawn misses a top rope dropkick and Bret gets the Sharpshooter to end this. That’s interesting that they would use the exact same ending sequence for regulation in the Iron Man match. And here comes…Santa Claus? What the heck? Yes, Santa is coming down the aisle, the night before Thanksgiving. What in the world? He puts a Santa hat on Bret’s head as it starts snowing in the arena.

I think I’m in one of X’s trips as this makes zero sense. Maybe it’s not snowing. Vince says it is but I don’t see any of it. Oh there it is. Vince says ho ho ho as we end it. After it ends, Bret is with Santa and he says he wants big and bad opponents for Christmas. That’s kind of cool I guess, but still, WHAT THE HECK?

Rating: A-. The lack of a Shawn finishing move here really hurt things. There was never a moment where you really felt that Shawn could pull it off because even though he sets for the suplex at one point, it’s a freaking belly to back suplex. Why should that be considered special?

It wasn’t and thankfully he changed to the kick…a few years later. Other than that, this was a good match. It’s not great, but it’s certainly worth seeing. These guys would go on to have classic after classic, but this one is really forgotten I think.

Overall Rating: C+. Well it’s better than anything that this show has done since the first one, so it gets a passing grade but not by much. This just flat out wasn’t that great. There’s two very good matches in the double main event, but the rest of the show is just above average at best. It was a gamble and it worked, but it didn’t feel like the Survivor Series at all. It worked, but not great like I said. It’s recommended though, but not very strongly at all.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Since the random months deal isn’t working whatsoever, let’s just go with doing them straight through. I have twenty months left in the first four years so we might as well start off with the first year. It’s a shorter month because the show started in the second week. Oh and it’s also the show’s debut so let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney is on the streets of Manhattan and welcomes us to the first ever show but has to stop one Bobby Heenan from going inside. He has been replaced by Rob Bartlett and since Mooney is security, Heenan stops to bicker.

Opening sequence.

Commentary welcomes us to the show and Bartlett is already getting annoying.

Yokozuna vs. Koko B. Ware

So here’s your first trivia of the night as we have the first ever match in the history of the show. Bartlett: “This guy has his own no fly zone!” Savage: “He doesn’t even have a zipper.” We also get some Japanese/fat jokes from Bartlett until Ware is shoved across the ring. It works a second time but Koko is back up with a dropkick. A big charge misses though and Ware is sent HARD into the top rope. The big legdrop sets up the corner splash and the Banzai Drop finishes Ware in a hurry.

Rating: D+. Total squash and a good example of the Yokozuna who was that scary of a monster. He looked great and could still move around out there, with the running splash coming off as athletic. This is the Yokozuna who could be the top heel for a long time, and it’s easy to see why he was pushed so hard.

Bobby Heenan talks about Narcissus, who has Mr. Perfect scared. Yes, Narcissus is beyond perfect and comparing the two of them is like comparing ice cream to horse manure. Narcissus will be unveiled at the Royal Rumble and Perfect will think he is from another world.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

Scott isn’t playing around and tilt-a-whirl slams #1 as Doink the Clown is playing around a bit in the audience. Rick comes in and whips #2 into the ropes so hard that #2 falls down. #2 is driven ribs first upside down into the corner and it’s a double noggin knocker from Scott on the floor. Back in and the referee has to get out of the way of a Scott belly to belly and there’s the tiger driver to make it worse. The Steiner Bulldog ends the masked goons.

Rating: C-. I could watch the Steiners beat up goofs forever and this was a good example of how effective it can be. Those suplexes and the bulldog had the Executioners flying all over the place and it was absolutely glorious. They were brand new at this point and even 1993 WWF couldn’t screw them up.

Bobby Heenan, this time in drag, still can’t get into the building. He thought he was getting into the building normally, so he just had that in his bag?

Here is Razor Ramon for a chat with Vince McMahon. He is happy to have a WWF Title shot at the Royal Rumble because it has his name written all over it. Vince says it took Bret eight and a half years to get his title shot but now Razor is happy with getting his shot after eight and a half months. That’s not good enough for Vince, who wants to know why Razor jumped Owen Hart over the weekend. Razor says it was fun and there is nothing Bret can do about it. You know what else Bret can’t do anything about? Razor winning the WWF Title. Good interview here, as Razor was still in serious mode.

There will be a Headlock On Hunger show later this month, with Randy Savage not exactly knowing what is on the card (“Shawn Michaels vs. Bob Backlund for another title. The Intercontinental Title!”).

Tatanka wants us to put a headlock on hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Max Moon

Shawn is defending. Moon flips around a bit as Bartlett does a bit about the WWF version of the Amy Fisher story and Savage….thinks Heenan looked good in drag? Shawn gets thrown into the corner and can’t figure out what to do here, so Moon armdrags him down. We take a break and come back with Shawn dropping him throat first across the middle rope as commentary gets in “uncooked, uncut and uncensored” as many times as they can.

Shawn hits…something as Doink comes out to watch again and Bartlett “calls in” with a bad Mike Tyson impression. This gag keeps going as Shawn sends him face first into the buckle as Bartlett (still as Tyson) makes up matches for the Royal Rumble. Moon grabs a small package for a quick two and gets punched in the face some more. The chinlock goes on and Tyson wants to know what it’s called.

Back up and Moon catapults Shawn over the top and out to the floor (Bartlett: “He disappeared!”) for the crash. Moon scores with a spinwheel kick in the corner and a cradle gets two. Shawn is back up with the superkick, which isn’t his finisher yet so here it’s just a thing. Instead it’s the tear drop suplex (kind of a cross between a belly to back suplex/Angle Slam) to retain Shawn’s title.

Rating: C. The wrestling was fine but the commentary was one of the dumbest, most annoying things I can imagine. The bit itself, a confused Mike Tyson calling in, is fine enough but it JUST KEPT GOING and wasn’t all that funny in the first place. It’s not the kind of comedy that fits in on a wrestling show and that’s why Bartlett never fit. He was funny in a different format, but here it feels so forced and it never worked.

WATCH WWF MANIA! I liked that show.

It’s time for the Royal Rumble Control Center. This week we’re talking about the Intercontinental Title match between Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty. The question is whose corner Sensational Sherri will be in, with both guys saying she’s going with them. Marty and Sherri were never a thing so this always felt a bit weird.

Moving on, Gene Okerlund runs down the Royal Rumble lineup, with Mr. Perfect saying he isn’t worried because no one else in the match is perfect. On the other hand, Mr. Fuji says no one can get Yokozuna over the top so he’ll win. Oh and Jim Duggan thinks he’ll….fight. He might not win, but he’ll fight. Of note: this segment went on so long that Tito Santana beat the Brooklyn Brawler in a dark match as it aired.

Bobby Heenan, now as Rob Bartlett’s uncle Morty, still can’t get in. The stereotypes here are rather strong.

We look at Kamala’s face turn, as he leaves Kim Chee and Harvey Wippleman and joins up with Reverend Slick. That pairing could bowl some people over.

Undertaker vs. Damien Demento

Demento is a weird guy and billed “from the Outer Reaches Of Your Mind”. Vince and Bartlett go into a bit about Paul Bearer being from a famous family and needing an iron supplement. Demento’s right hands have no effect and the very Young School connects, with Vince ignoring it to talk about the Royal Rumble. Demento gets in a few shots out of the corner but Undertaker sits up and hits the jumping clothesline. The Tombstone finishes without much trouble.

Doink talks about enjoying making kids cry but Crush comes out and threatens him with that Hawaiian accent. If Doink keeps it up, his bad arm will have another arm and both legs for company in that cast. Doink squirts him with water and the chase is on.

Bobby Heenan is allowed in now that the show is over.

Overall Rating: C-. I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground by saying that this first show is not very good. The wrestling was more miss than hit and Bartlett was a nightmare, but what mattered here was that they had to start somewhere. It’s the first episode of the most famous wrestling series ever and it took place live from New York City. The content isn’t important here, but rather the fact that the show happened. Not a terrible show, but it’s all about the history instead of the content.

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Judgment Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s another B show but this one is trending more towards B- territory. The main events will see John Cena defending against Great Khali and Edge defending against Batista. Neither of those exactly sound like must see main events, but I’ve certainly heard of worse cards. Maybe the rest can pick up the slack. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about not knowing what is on the other side while looking at the main events.

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

Carlito turned on Flair to split up their team and it’s time for revenge. JR says Flair deserves to be in all the Halls of Fame. I remember him getting inducted into the Paperboy Hall of Fame a few years back in a touching ceremony. Carlito goes right after him to start but gets chopped outside in a hurry. Back in and Carlito takes him down by the arm for some hammerlocking. The arm is sent into the apron and Carlito forearms away in the corner.

The fans are behind Flair but get quieted down when the arm is wrapped around the post. There’s a hammerlock slam but flair comes back up with the good arm for a single chop. That’s all Carlito is going to give up at the moment though as he dropkicks Flair into the corner and goes right back to the arm. Another comeback is cut off as JR sums up the match: Flair is getting one shot in for every two or three from Carlito. The armbar goes on again and an elbow to the face gives Carlito two.

Flair chops his way out of the corner but Carlito cuts him off again with a backdrop. We hit another armbar before Carlito stomps on the arm and grabs a keylock. Flair fights up again with more chops and right hands, plus an elbow to the jaw. There’s the chop block but Carlito cuts him off with a thumb to the eye. The Backstabber is blocked though and Flair stomps on the leg. More stomping sets up the Figure Four for the tap.

Rating: C. Can we please give up on Carlito already? It’s pretty clear that WWE isn’t going to give him a big push (which I can understand) and now he has one of the better matches in his WWE run but loses clean to Flair. I’m fine with Flair winning, but it’s getting a little tiring to watch Carlito get dead end push after dead end push.

Shawn Michaels looks back at being hurt by Great Khali and then kicked in the head by Randy Orton….and gets jumped by him again, leaving Shawn laying.

We recap Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon/Umaga. The trio beat Lashley last month to give Vince the ECW World Title and an angry Lashley is out for revenge. And the title, but that might be implied. Vince has been an amazing heel as the champion and it’s about as perfect of a troll job as you could hope to see.

ECW World Title: Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon/Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is challenging and sends Umaga outside to start. The McMahons are tossed around, with Shane having to save Vince from destruction. That earns Shane an overhead belly to belly and there’s a spear to cut off the invading Umaga. The running powerslam pins Shane in less than a minute and a half.

Post match Umaga takes Lashley down again and Vince says Lashley didn’t pin Vince so that isn’t a title change. Better luck next time as the amazing trolling continues. Of note: Vince lost his stylish doorag in there and most of his hair has grown back.

Shawn Michaels is told he can’t wrestle tonight.

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Punk, with bad ribs coming in, joined Burke’s New Breed but turned on them in about a week. Burke goes straight for the ribs but Punk puts on a headlock to cut him off. Some kicks stagger Burke and it’s a quick breather for a standoff. Burke goes after Punk’s ribs to slow him down, only to get kicked right back down. The chinlock goes on but Burke comes back with more shots to the ribs. Said ribs are fine enough for a t-bone suplex and Punk hits a running elbow in the corner.

A delayed vertical suplex drops Burke for two, though Tazz thinks that might have hurt Punk’s ribs even more. We hit the chinlock but Burke is right up with some shots to the face. Again Punk comes right back with a spinning middle rope crossbody but Burke tosses him over the top, with Punk landing on the steps for a nasty crash. That’s not enough to slow Punk down again though as he slides in with a sunset flip (minus the flip) for two more. The GTS is countered so Punk tosses him outside instead, setting up the suicide dive.

Back in and Punk goes up again, only to get pulled down for a hard crash onto the ribs. Burke starts ripping at the tape (maybe they’re the source of Punk’s powers) and puts on a waistlock. A belly to back suplex gets two on Punk and the fans chant for JBL. Burke is smart enough to grab a bodyscissors while the fans get it out of their system before cutting off a charging Punk.

They head up top, where Punk hits a top rope superplex, only to bang up his ribs again. Back up and Punk gets two off an enziguri, setting up the running knee in the corner. The GTS is countered into the Elijah Experience for two so Burke puts him on top, setting up the Elijah Express in the Tree of Woe. The delayed cover gets two and another Elijah Experience is countered into the GTS to give Punk the pin.

Rating: C+. The first half of this was weird as Punk didn’t seem like he was going to sell a bullet to the ribs, let alone anything Burke threw at him. Things got better later on and they settled into a nice match, with Punk vanquishing Burke after some work. This should free up Punk to move into the ECW Title picture, at least once the McMahons are out of the there. Good match, at least once Punk stopped being a superhero.

Edge brags about his recent accomplishments and promises to retain the title against Batista.

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn isn’t here to start due to not being cleared….but here he is anyway, looking totally out of it (which would have meant something very different for Shawn back in the day). Shawn insists that the bell ring and Orton drops him with one shot. Shawn has to pull himself up on the apron and the hanging DDT drops him hard again.

Commentary already wants this stopped as Orton kicks Shawn in the head again. Orton loads up the RKO but lets Shawn drops out of near pity. Shawn has to go to the eyes to break up a super RKO and manages to shove Orton off the top. The top rope elbow connects and Shawn somehow picks himself up in the corner. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up….and Shawn collapses, which is enough for the referee to call the match.

Rating: C. I have no idea how to rate something like this as it was much more of an angle than a match. Shawn hit about one move, but that’s exactly the point of something like this. It was complete destruction and makes Orton look great, so well done on all fronts here, even if it was barely a match.

Post match Orton hits an RKO, causing Shawn’s wife to come out and cry. Shawn is taken out on a stretcher, which allowed him to go off for a few months for knee surgery.

Great Khali, holding the WWE Title, which isn’t his, says if John Cena wants some, he can come get some.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cade and Murdoch are challenging after having been sneakily respectful to the Hardys as of late. Matt and Cade start things off with Cade grabbing a headlock takeover. That doesn’t last long as Matt is right back up for a standoff. JBL’s strategy for Cade and Murdoch: drink beer and knock people’s teeth out. Simple yet effective. The pace picks up and Matt gets taken into the corner for some arm cranking from both villains. A hard forearm to Cade’s face lets the tag bring in Jeff as things actually slow down for a change. JBL: “You never know what this tattooed up freak is going to do.”

A hiptoss drops Jeff again but Murdoch doesn’t follow up, which is still a bit strange to see. It’s back to Matt for a clothesline and it’s time to work on the arm. The middle rope elbow to the back of the neck gives Matt two but Cade comes in off a blind tag to run Matt over. A dropkick gives Cade two and it’s back to Murdoch as the villains start taking turns. Murdoch’s Vader Bomb hits raised knees though and it’s back to Jeff to start cleaning house.

The slingshot dropkick in the corner gets two on Murdoch and the Hardys clear the ring in a hurry. JBL: “What would you call that move that Jeff Hardy did?” Cole: “Good.” JBL: “That was too easy.” Cade and Murdoch tease walking out but come back in so Jeff can grab a headlock. That’s broken up and Murdoch sends Jeff outside….as the fans sing the Goodbye Song for some reason.

Cade takes Jeff back inside to drop some knees on the back and Murdoch puts on the chinlock. A kick to the face gives Murdoch two and the Code Red/Canadian Destroyer (or somewhere in the middle) gets two. Jeff jawbreaks his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Matt. The Side Effect gets two on Cade but he’s right back with a spinebuster to put Matt down for the same. Not that it matters as it’s a Twist of Fate into the Swanton to give Jeff the retaining pin.

Rating: B-. Rather nice old school formula tag match here with the Hardys winning to hopefully wrap this up. At the end of the day though, there is only so much that you can do when the division only has a handful of teams. The Hardys can work with anyone, but who else is there to work with at the moment? Cade and Murdoch are a good old school southern style tag team too and that is always going to work.

Batista is voted most likely to win a title tonight.

We recap Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown World Title. Edge won the Money in the Bank briefcase on Raw and then cashed it in later in the week to win the title from Undertaker. Now it’s time for Batista to get his shot, as he and Undertaker had gone to a draw just before the cash-in.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

Edge is defending and you can see him panic just a bit when Batista’s music hits (he was always great at the facial expressions). We actually get the instructions from the referee for a bit of old school flavor. Edge hides in the ropes to start as commentary gets in an argument over how much of a champion Edge really is. More bailing to the ropes keeps Batista (with a taped up knee) from getting very far to start so he puts Edge on top instead.

With nothing else working, Batista finally hammers away in the corner and then throws Edge outside. Edge sends the bad knee into the steps to slow Batista down and a missed charge into the post makes things even worse. That gives Edge a new target and the Fujiwara armbar keeps Batista in trouble. It’s switched over into a hammerlock but Batista is back up with shoulders to the ribs in the corner.

Batista clotheslines Edge out of the air and it’s time to slug it out. A powerslam gives Batista two but Edge counters a second attempt into the Edge O Matic for two of his own. The spear cuts Edge in half for two more and Batista hits the spinebuster, only to hurt his own knee. The delay lets Edge pull Batista into a rollup with trunks to retain.

Rating: C-. This was a good example of a match that didn’t work because there wasn’t much of a story. They were fighting over the title, but their story was set up via a two minute promo on Smackdown. I know they didn’t have the time to do anything more, but it left this one really lacking. Edge retaining works just fine as he needs to be established as champion, though it was a pretty lame way to get there.

The WWE Divas are polled on John Cena vs. Great Khali. It’s split, though Maria votes for Batista. For some reason this is edited off of the Peacock version, and I would really hope it isn’t over Victoria and Melina picking Khali because he’s “really really big.”

US Title: MVP vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending (with a bad knee after Smackdown) and it’s 2/3 falls. They fight over a lockup and head outside for a second, only to come back in for a standoff. MVP has to bail to the rope to escape the Crossface before grabbing a headlock takeover. With that not working, MVP takes him down by the knee but Benoit grabs the arm to escape. MVP goes right back to the knee but Benoit is right back with the rolling German suplexes.

The knee gives out though, leaving Benoit to switch to the Crossface instead. A rope gets MVP out of trouble and it’s time to stomp on the knee some more. MVP misses the running boot in the corner and has to escape the Sharpshooter. Instead, MVP goes up top and gets caught in an electric chair, only to have the knee give out. The Playmaker gives MVP the first fall and we get a one minute rest period.

MVP is right back on the leg to keep Benoit in trouble and he gets tied in the Tree of Woe. A kneebar keeps Benoit in trouble and we get what sounds like a “THIS IS BORING” chant. Benoit fights up but gets pulled straight into a stretch muffler. The rope gets Benoit out of trouble but MVP is right back on the knee. Another twist of the knee sets up a small package to give MVP the second fall and the title.

Rating: C+. This was almost a sequel from Benoit vs. Finlay on Smackdown and it wasn’t that much better. There is something off in Benoit as of late and that is going to get sad in a hurry. For now that, MVP winning is a great thing as he FINALLY gets something after weeks of losing almost everything. You can only do so much with him when he can’t win a thing so this was a much needed statement.

We recap John Cena vs. Great Khali for the Raw World Title. Khali took out Edge, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels before dropping Cena on the same night. Cena knows he’s going to get destroyed here but is never one to back down from a challenge.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Great Khali

Khali is challenging but comes in holding the title itself. There is something to be said about the shots of the fans, including one woman, going absolutely coconuts for Cena’s entrance. That is the kind of thing that a lot of wrestlers wish they could do but only a handful can actually make happen. They do the big staredown to start and Cena’s shots to the chest have no effect. Khali’s clothesline has quite the effect though and a right hand puts Cena down again. Cena gets knocked outside for a ram into the steps for two back inside and Khali drops a big leg for the same.

A shot to the knee staggers Khali though and Cena manages the Throwback, only to get kicked in the head. The nerve hold has Cena in more trouble but he powers up for some running shoulders. The big shoulder ties Khali up in the ropes and Cena is smart enough to unload as fast as he can. Khali gets an arm free to knock him away but the big chop is blocked. They fall outside again and Khali grabs the steps, only to have them dropkicked into his face. Back in and Cena scores with the top rope Fameasser (with the fans WAY into the fast comeback), setting up the STFU to retain the title.

Rating: C. It’s probably Khali’s best match ever, though that isn’t exactly a high bar to clear. What matters here is that Cena escapes over a monster and got a good(ish) match out of him, as Khali mainly stood there while Cena flew around. They were smart to keep this short, and dang the crowd being into this helped a lot. Not a great match, but given their situation, it was about as good as it was going to get.

Replays wrap us up, complete with a cut from Cena putting the STFU on to the hold actually being on because WWE likes to cut a lot.

Overall Rating: C+. There was enough good action on here to keep me interested, but it was definitely a step down after the last few big shows. Nothing on here felt like you needed to see it and that is not the best feeling. It was certainly a lower level pay per view and having One Night Stand coming up just two weeks later is not going to make things better. Decent show, but not really worth your time.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 14, 2007
Location: Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, Virginia
Attendance: 7,200
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and we are on the way towards John Cena vs. Great Khali for the Raw World Title. Other than that, we have a new Smackdown World Champion in Edge, who happens to be a Raw wrestler. That could cause some issues, which we will likely touch on this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is WWE Champion John Cena, who doesn’t have his belt. Cena seems rather sad without the title, because Great Khali took it from him last week and Cena couldn’t do anything about it. Now he could make excuses but that isn’t what he does. Cena has been up against giants before but it has never been like this. You can hit Khali in the mouth and he just looks at you with those eyes. There are people who have been telling him that this Sunday is a bad idea and it won’t be much of a match. That may be true, but that isn’t going to stop Cena from giving Khali one heck of a fight…tonight.

Cue Khali on screen, complete with translator Runjin Singh. Khali speaks, with Singh sending us to a video on Khali’s recent path of destruction. Apparently if Cena wants some, he can come get some. That’s fine with Cena, who goes to the back and gets wrecked in a hurry, including the chokebomb onto a golf cart.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Jeff Hardy

Lance Cade and Matt Hardy are here too. Jeff grabs a headlock takeover to star but gets rolled over into a headscissors to take care of that in a hurry. An exchange of armdrags goes to Hardy so Murdoch elbows him in the face. Hardy sends him outside though and scores with a slingshot dive, only to miss the slingshot dropkick back inside. The chinlock just wakes Jeff up though and the Whisper in the Wind gets two. The Swanton hits knees though and Murdoch gets two, complete with the stunned look on his face off the kickout. He’s so stunned that Hardy grabs a small package for the pin.

Rating: C. Hardy can have a good match with just about anyone and it helps when you have someone as talented as Murdoch. I’m rather sick of seeing this feud take place but at least they had what is probably going to be the best combination. It might not have been great match, but it was a completely nice one and that’s good enough.

Post match, Cade and Murdoch offer a handshake, with the Hardys accepting without any violence.

Video on Snitsky.

We look back at Bobby Lashley attacking Coach last week, with Vince McMahon looking on.

Coach is not happy about having to face Bobby Lashley tonight, but Shane McMahon says he shouldn’t worry. Shane, Umaga and Vince McMahon, in a lilac (or some light pink) suit and doorag, will be in his corner. That’s enough for Coach, who goes off to get ready.

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Chris Masters

Marella is defending and is now billed from New Jersey. They start fast with Santino snapping off some hiptosses but Masters powers him into the corner. Some kicks to the leg stagger Masters but he runs Marella over without much trouble. The Masterlock is blocked but the spinebuster connects for two. Masters tries another Masterlock, only to get reversed into a sunset flip (with a nifty reversal that saw Marella spin around the back) to retain Santino’s title.

Post match Masters puts him out with the Masterlock to blow off some steam.

Wrestlers talk about the Condemned.

Candice Michelle vs. Victoria

Melina is on commentary and does the splits entrance on the announcers’ table. Lawler loses it and Candice’s entrance makes it even worse. Candice starts with the hair takedown (Melina: “Oh geez.”) but Victoria sends her face first into the mat. Some hair pulling keeps Candice down but she comes back up with the kicks to the chest. The GoDaddy dance sets up an elbow for two as Melina says all Candice can do is take her clothes off. Victoria’s spinning side slam is countered though and Candice scores with the spinwheel kick for the pin.

Candice wants the title, but Melina thinks she is showing off the fat rolls.

Here is new Smackdown World Champion Edge for a chat. After quite a bit of pyro, Edge talks about how he had the greatest week of any wrestler in history. We see Edge winning the Money in the Bank briefcase, plus the cash in later in the week on Undertaker. Edge was going to have one last great Raw match, but Great Khali has already left.

That leaves him with Batista on Sunday, but Edge has already done what Batista couldn’t do in three months: beat the Undertaker. Edge goes to leave but here is Shawn Michaels to cut him off. Shawn says if Edge wanted to leave with a lasting impression, he could just leave (that’s what he was trying to do man). Edge cuts to the chase and challenges Shawn for later, which seems to be set.

Bobby Lashley starts talking about his title match on Sunday but Shane McMahon cuts him off. Shane reminds Lashley that there can be no contact and does the I’m Not Touching You deal.

Bobby Lashley vs. Jonathan Coachman

Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon and Umaga are here too. An exchange of shots to the face goes to Lashley and a running clothesline puts Coach down as well. A torture rack goes on as JR thinks this is about the Hardcore Title. The spear finishes Coach in a hurry.

Post match the brawl is on with Lashley falling tot he numbers game in a hurry. The Umaga Attack misses though and Lashley hits a spear but Shane cuts him off again. Lashley chases Shane to the back but the villains leave in the limo. Vince sneaks up from behind and belts Lashley down to leave him laying. That sneaky champ.

Carlito vs. Val Venis

Venis starts fast with his running knees to the ribs but Carlito takes him down and hammers away. The fans want Flair but have to settle for Venis’ forearms not having much effect. A springboard dropkick puts Venis down but he makes another comeback with elbows to the face. Venis’ neckbreaker gets two, only to take too long setting up the Money Shot. Carlito hits the Backstabber for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a way to give Carlito a win and set him up for the showdown with Ric Flair on Sunday. Not much of a match of course, but Venis was always a fine hand. Granted I had no idea he was still working here and somehow he had almost two years left, but he could still put in a passable match.

Post match Ric Flair runs in and Carlito bails through the crowd.

Shawn Michaels is getting ready for the main event when Randy Orton comes in. Orton wishes him well tonight but Shawn wonders if there is a point to this. Actually there is, as Orton thinks he can beat Shawn, so the match is made for Sunday.

Next week: Timbaland’s new video debuts, featuring a bunch of the Divas.

We look back at Great Khali taking out John Cena earlier tonight.

Judgment Day rundown.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Non-title and commentary suddenly remembers that Shawn has a concussion thanks to Great Khali last week. Shawn grabs a headlock takeover to start but Edge is out in a hurry with a shot to the head. A swinging neckbreaker gives Shawn a breather so Edge kicks him in the face to keep up the target. Edge gets tossed outside though, allowing Shawn to hit a Thesz press off the apron.

We take a break and come back with the referee checking on Shawn, whose head is looking a bit loopy. Another shot to the head sets up a cravate, followed by a big boot to drop Shawn again. More right hands and a neckbreaker get two and Edge grabs a chinlock with a knee in the back. Shawn fights up again and this time manages to crotch Edge on top. Edge hits a headbutt to stagger Shawn but misses a high crossbody. Somehow Shawn gets up top for the elbow and the superkick finishes Edge off.

Rating: B-. This was a weird one as the concussion wasn’t mentioned until the start of the match (not a bad thing as Shawn had gotten beaten up last week so it was covered) and then Shawn just won clean over the new champ. It’s like they had this match booked and then had to do the Money in the Bank deal without making any changes. Good match, but a rather strange way to go at times.

Post match here is Randy Orton to beat Shawn down. A low blow puts Shawn in trouble and we get what I believe is the first ever Punt to knock him cold to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Much like the main event, this was a bit off all night, with Cena vs. Khali all set and Shawn vs. Orton being thrown together to give both of them something to do. It feels like they ran out of stuff to do before the pay per view and had to struggle to fill in the time here. Judgment Day feels like a B show and this didn’t exactly shake that feeling, as it was a bit of a lame way to take them home.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 7, 2007
Location: Bryce Jordan Center, Stage College, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

John Cena has a new big problem in the form of the Great Khali, who took out Shawn Michaels, Edge, Randy Orton and Cena himself last week. That is going to be quite the issue, and the fact that we are coming up on the Judgment Day pay per view should give you a hint about where this is going. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Coach is in the ring to introduce Vince McMahon. Vince: “WHAT UP G?” While Vince isn’t talking to God like Coach was doing when he said the same thing years ago, Vince brings talks about Great Khali’s dominance last week. We look at Khali’s path of destruction over Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton and Edge, before taking out John Cena face to face. Back in the arena, Vince says that was impressive, because you don’t see someone take out four great ones like that in one night.

Therefore, at Judgment Day, it’s Cena…..well hang on a second as Michaels interrupts. He’s the one who was supposed to face Cena last week and beat him once again, so Khali should have to earn his shot tonight. Vince thought Shawn had more guts than brains and tonight, we might see them all over the ring. Shawn can have his match against Great Khali, and we’ll make that a #1 contenders No DQ match.

With that out of the way, here is Bobby Lashley to interrupt. Lashley says Shawn got what he wanted and now he wants something too. Vince reminds him of the no touch rule and taunts Lashley a bit, but Lashley manages to hold back. We see a clip of Vince winning the title from Lashley at Backlash, albeit with help from Shane McMahon and Umaga. Vince: “You want to call me champ?”

Just to rub it in even more, Vince has a photo of a collector’s edition of WWE Magazine, featuring Undertaker, John Cena and Lashley as champions. It’s a collector’s edition because Lashley isn’t champion anymore, so here’s Vince’s face on Lashley’s body. Vince: “You never heard about the grapefruits did you Lashley?” Anyway, Lashley can have the rematch in another 3-1 handicap match at Judgment Day. Lashley wants to show Vince what he thinks of him, but can’t do it. That makes Vince laugh so he leaves….but Coach doesn’t. Violence and destruction ensues, capped off by a spear as Vince poses with the title.

Mickie James has to tie Candice Michelle’s top. King approves.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Victoria

Rematch from last week where Candice pinned Victoria in an upset. Victoria and Mickie start but she wants Candice instead. That works well for Victoria, who stomps her down but gets armdragged (after a minor slip). Melina comes in and draws Mickie in as well, allowing a quick cheap shot to take over. Candice manages to escape and gets over to Mickie for the tag (to zero reaction in a weird moment). House is cleaned and there’s a neckbreaker to Melina. Everything breaks down and Candice spinwheel kicks Melina for the surprise pin. They’re trying with Candice and she has gotten better in recent weeks.

We look back at Santino Marella winning the Intercontinental Title, albeit with an assist from Bobby Lashley.

WWE visited some terminal children.

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Chris Masters

Marella is defending in his first scheduled match. Masters shoves him down with straight power to start but Marella slugs away with right hands and a dropkick. A hard clothesline drops Marella though and Masters hits a running stomp (that’s different) to keep him down. The neck crank goes on for all of two seconds but Marella is back up with kicks to the leg. A dropkick to the knee gets two and Marella hammers away in the corner. Masters shoves him off but gets sent shoulder first into the post, setting up a rollup to retain the title.

Rating: C-. This was about all you could have expected here and that’s all well and good. What matters here is they went out and did their thing with both guys keeping things simple. You can only do so much with a guy like Marella and Masters isn’t quite the best choice to get a lot out of him. Efficient would be the right word here, and that’s fine enough.

Here is Mr. Kennedy for a chat on the stage. Kennedy talks about how his Wrestlemania countdown continues, as we are only 328 days until Wrestlemania XXIV. That’s when we will have a new champion and his name is Mr. Kennedy (wait for it) Kennedy.

Randy Orton promises to beat John Cena tonight and get his career back on track.

Umaga vs. Highlanders

There is no Armando Alejandro Estrada with Umaga after Bobby Lashley wrecked him on ECW. The dominance doesn’t take long, including the running hip attack to Robbie in the corner. The Samoan Spike crushes both of them to set up the double top rope splash and the easy pin.

The Condemned is still a thing. It isn’t a thing making much money, but it is a thing.

Edge comes up to Mr. Kennedy in the back and doesn’t like him around here. Since Edge is the first person to cash in Money in the Bank, Kennedy shouldn’t be afraid to defend it against him tonight. The match is on, with Kennedy hitting the catchphrase anyway.

Great Khali vs. Shawn Michaels

No DQ and the winner gets the title shot against John Cena at Judgment Day. Shawn charges at him to start and manages to get Khali tied up in the ropes. That doesn’t last long as Khali gets in a shot of his own to knock Shawn away, setting up a slam. Khali misses a legdrop though and Shawn grabs a chair to blast him in the face. There’s the top rope elbow to keep Khali rocked but Sweet Chin Music is countered with a chop to the head.

Elbows and a clothesline keep Shawn in trouble but he goes for the eyes to escape. Shawn chokes him over the ropes and outside ala Chris Benoit against Big Show at the 2004 Royal Rumble, setting up a baseball slide. Shawn’s DDT through the announcers’ table is shrugged away and it’s the double chokeslam through the table instead. That’s enough for the referee, who calls it off to send Khali to Judgment Day.

Rating: C. Well what else were they supposed to do? There aren’t a ton of options for someone of Shawn’s size against Khali and they did about as well as could be expected. It certainly wasn’t a great match or even a very good one, but they did as well as could have been expected. Throw in the pretty clear ending and this was pretty decent.

Shawn is taken out by the medics.

John Cena isn’t worried about Great Khali because he’ll fight anyone of any size, even if they are 7’5 and over 400lbs and talk like Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Cryme Tyme (hey they’re still here) are having a Mother’s Day sale, including steak (cut to Viscera missing a steak), prescription pills (cut to Eugene missing his pills) and a Hummer (cut to Ron Simmons missing his Hummer and hitting the catchphrase). Cue a guy (clearly Big Dick Johnson) in a Spider-Man costume to say he thinks they’re up to something. Shad pulls out a baseball bat, calls himself Batman, and beats up Spider-Man. Were the writers really bored or something this week?

Hardys vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Non-title with Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch on commentary. Matt elbows Benjamin in the head to start and then cuts off a charge with another elbow. Haas offers a distraction though and pulls Matt arm down onto the top. Benjamin takes Matt down by the arm and Haas’ northern lights onto the arm makes it worse.

The arm crank goes on as Cade and Murdoch take turns stealing JR’s catchphrases. Matt finally gets up with a reverse DDT and the hot tag brings in Jeff. House is cleaned in a hurry with Jeff dropping Benjamin onto Haas, who gets caught with the legdrop between the legs. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Haas with Benjamin making the save. That means a Twist of Fate to Benjamin and the Swanton finishes Haas.

Rating: C+. These guys had a nice tag match and that’s not the biggest surprise. You have two rather good teams and they got in a lot of stuff in a short amount of times. Haas and Benjamin might not be the top team around anymore but they can still work well with anyone, and it helps when you’re in there with one of the best teams ever.

Post match, Cade and Murdoch show respect, with the Hardys skeptically accepting the handshake.

We look at Carlito turning on Ric Flair last week.

Video on Snitsky, who seems to have jumped from ECW. I’m sure they’ll survive.

Here are Carlito and Torrie Wilson for a chat. Carlito talks about how Ric Flair embarrassed him in front of Torrie, which Carlito let go because of who was saying it. Flair said they needed to team together so he could grow, but how much more growing does he need to do? Carlito should be WWE Champion by now but Flair was holding him back. He calls out Flair….who commentary says isn’t here tonight. With that not working, Carlito says it’s time to get rid of the garbage in his life and that starts with yelling at Torrie in Spanish. Torrie leaves and Carlito keeps ranting in Spanish until he throws the mic down.

Money in the Bank: Edge vs. Mr. Kennedy

Kennedy is defending but Edge jumps him from behind before the bell. Edge sends Kennedy into the barricade and the post, setting up a monitor shot to the face. They get inside with Kennedy saying ring the bell, meaning Edge can spear him down for the pin and the briefcase at 6 seconds.

Post match Edge beats Kennedy down again to leave him laying. Kennedy was put on the shelf with a shoulder injury, which turned out not to be that bad, as he was back in the ring less than two months later. Either way, this was it for his time near the title in WWE and I’ve always wondered what would have happened if he had gotten the chance. Maybe not much, but it could have been very interesting.

We look at Great Khali decimating Shawn Michaels again.

Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Non-title. Cena rolls him up for a fast two and snaps off a suplex for the same. Orton sends him shoulder first into the post and drops a knee for two of his own. We’re already in the chinlock but Cena fights up and initiates the finishing sequence…but Great Khali is at ringside. Khali picks up the title to distract Cena, making him drop the AA. Instead, Cena pulls Orton into the STF but he goes after Khali instead, charging right into a belt shot from Khali to end the show. So much for a finish.

Rating: C. This was barely a match and that’s fine enough, though they could have done just about the same thing without having a match in the first place. Khali is a different kind of opponent for Cena and they’re making him feel like a major threat. That’s not the hardest thing to do but it is working so far. As for Orton, it still feels like he is being punished for screwing up on the European trip, which is pretty much deserved.

Overall Rating: C. There was a lot here and a good bit of it wasn’t all that great. That being said, this show was more about moving things forward, as you can see a lot of the pay per view card from here, plus the change of the briefcase. I’m curious about where some of these things are going, even if it is for a B pay per view. Not a great show, but an important one and that’s fine.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 30, 2007
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are officially done with Backlash and that means it is time to start getting ready for Judgment Day. The show is in less than three weeks so it it probably going to feature a lot of rematches/fallout from the rematch/fallout show. That might not be the best thing in the world but WWE has been on a roll as of late. Let’s get to it.

Here is Backlash if you need a recap.

John Cena, with his title, runs into Vince McMahon, the new ECW World Champion. Vince: “What up Holmes? Peace out! The champ is here!” Cena thinks that unless ECW stands for Extremely Crazy White Guy, all he is seeing is an old guy in a durag. Shawn Michaels comes in to say Cena got lucky last night and wants one more shot. Cena is down but Vince says not so fast, because he makes the matches around here. Let’s do it one more time, but Shawn has to win a match to get a shot at Cena. Then the winner can come for the big one. Vince: “Peace out my brothers!” Cena: “Yeah he’s lost it.” He’ll see Shawn later.

Opening sequence.

Edge vs. Randy Orton

Edge slaps him in the face to start and the chase is on around the ring. Back in and Orton pokes him in the eye (denying it of course) and the circle stomp is on. A knee drop gets two and it’s time to hammer on Edge’s head. Orton chokes on the middle rope and then snaps the neck across the rope to make it worse.

We take a break and come back with Orton being sent shoulder first into the post to give Edge a breather. A spear drives Orton off the apron and into the announcers’ table for the big crash. With commentary taking a bit to come back, Edge only gets two inside. Edge’s jumping knee gets two and the chinlock goes on. That’s broken up so Edge drops him with a spinwheel kick, only to get crotched on top. Edge shoves him down but dives into a dropkick to leave them both down for a bit.

The slugout goes to Edge thanks to a thumb to the eye but Orton grabs a backbreaker for two. The powerslam gets the same so Edge snaps off the Edge-O-Matic for his own near fall. A double crossbody puts both of them down but it’s Edge up first for an attempt to take the turnbuckle pad off. The referee catches him though, allowing Orton to score with a hard clothesline. Edge counters some right hands in the corner to drop him face first onto the buckle, meaning we’ve got some blood. The Impaler gets two and, after countering an RKO, Edge spears him down for the pin.

Rating: B. These two beat each other up very well and that’s the kind of thing that is always a nice idea. It felt like a big time match and odds are this is what we were going to see last week. If they had been able to do that match before a shorter but still great Cena vs. Michaels match, it could have been an all time classic Raw. Instead, it’s a pair of awesome matches on back to back weeks.

We look at the end of Michaels vs. Cena from last week.

We look back at Bobby Lashley helping Santino Marella take the Intercontinental Title from Umaga.

Santino Marella is here for his first interview as champion, so we see him winning the title again. Santino talks about how he can’t believe this is happening. His family is very happy but his first title defense is next week.

Last night at Backlash, Rob Van Dam talked about how happy Vince McMahon must be now that he has crushed ECW. It was counterculture and all about making wrestling fun again, but now Vince is ECW World Champion. This Vince As ECW Champion thing could have been AMAZING if ECW meant anything at this point.

Vince won’t let Shane McMahon hold the ECW World Title belt because he’s too annoyed at Van Dam. Tonight, Shane needs to make sure Van Dam is destroyed once and for all. Vince also thanks Shane for his help last night, prompting Shane to say he loves Vince and hug him. Vince freaks a bit but says Shane can hold the title. As Vince leaves, Shane can’t help but start the ECW chants.

Edge is angry that Shawn Michaels is getting ANOTHER title shot when Edge didn’t lose last night. He is going to insert himself back in the title picture whether anyone likes it or not. Get it? Got it? Good.

Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are on commentary and there are no seconds for a bit of a weird change. Hardy wastes no time with a Russian legsweep into the split legged cradle. Nitro is right back with some right hands as Cade and Murdoch are being especially respectful of Hardy. Hardy fights out of a chinlock and avoids a charge in the corner. The Whisper in the Wind drops Nitro again and a sitout gordbuster gives Hardy two. Nitro gets in a shot to the face and heads up, only to get backdropped down. The Swanton finishes for Hardy.

Rating: C. These two could have a passable match in their sleep and they had another completely acceptable one here. I’m not sure why the Hardys vs. Cade/Murdoch seems to be continuing, but it isn’t like there is anything else to do in the tag division. There are a few teams here and there, but are any of them worthy of a title program? Maybe Cryme Tyme? Anyway, were you expecting Hardy vs. Nitro to be bad?

Post match, Cade and Murdoch try to show Jeff some respect but he leaves out of caution.

We see some stills of last night’s pretty great main event.

Video on Vince McMahon winning the ECW World Title last night.

Rob Van Dam vs. Umaga

Shane McMahon handles Umaga’s introduction. We’re joined in progress with Van Dam kicking away but getting shoved off the top for the big crash into the barricade. Back in and Umaga slowly hammers away before cutting off a comeback attempt with the Samoan drop. For some reason Van Dam tries to slam Umaga, which goes as well as you would expect. The sleeper on Umaga’s back works slightly better until Van Dam gets rammed into the corner and tossed outside.

Umaga follows him outside and now the sleeper goes on again. This time Umaga rams Van Dam HARD into the steps for another break for a near countout. Back in and Umaga hits the running headbutt but misses the running hip attack in the corner. A basement dropkick and basement spinwheel kick have Shane panicking and Rolling Thunder gets two. Umaga’s running splash hits the post and there’s the Five Star but Umaga grabs the throat on the landing. Some choking sets up the Samoan Spike to put Van Dam away.

Rating: C+. It was short but hard hitting as Van Dam was a unique challenger to Umaga. That’s what you want out of something like this, though Umaga beating the top ECW star so soon might have been a little rushed. Still though, Umaga gets back on the right path in a pretty good match so it was a good use of TV time.

Vince McMahon comes out to pose, still as the best heel in the company.

Torrie Wilson and Carlito come up to Ric Flair in the back and Flair isn’t happy with Carlito for yelling at him in Spanish last week. Carlito apologizes, which is all Flair needed, but he has also gotten them a match tonight with the World’s Greatest Tag Team. If it goes badly, they can go their separate ways. Flair gives him a pep talk, but says this is his last chance. Flair leaves and Torrie asks if this is a good idea. Carlito: “RELAX!”

Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena

Non-title….and non-match as there is no Shawn. We cut to the back where Shawn is out cold.

Post break, Coach accuses John Cena of taking Shawn out, earning himself a grab by the shirt and a lift off the floor. Vince McMahon comes in to ask what is going on. Coach is going to find out what happened, but Vince wants Shawn wrestling TONIGHT. For some reason, Val Venis is there in street clothes checking on Shawn as well.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito. Flair starts with Haas and WOO’s a bit before hiptossing Haas over. Benjamin comes in to choke Carlito on the ropes but a dropkick gives Carlito two. For some reason Carlito goes into the wrong corner and it’s Haas coming back in to stomp away. A backbreaker gives Haas two and we hit the reverse chinlock. Benjamin’s backbreaker gets two and we hit a chinlock with Benjamin’s knee in the back. Carlito fights up and gets over to Flair for the tag as everything breaks down….and Carlito knocks Flair out with a left hand. The brawl is on and we have a no contest.

Rating: C-. Another watchable match which was only there for the angle at the end. Flair isn’t doing anything important at the moment so a quick pay per view match with Carlito is a good way to go for him. The match itself was what you would expect, but Flair vs. Carlito is going to work out.

Flair and Carlito fight up the ramp, but Carlito rakes the eyes and escapes.

Now Edge has been attacked and Coach isn’t sure what to do. He wants Randy Orton though.

We recap the attacks on Michaels and Edge.

Here’s Mr. Kennedy who says he didn’t do that. You won’t find a glove that fits his hand, because he has this briefcase. Kennedy could have cashed in his briefcase at Backlash but he chose not to. How many fans would like to see him cash in his briefcase right here in Nashville, Tennessee? The fans approve of the idea but that isn’t going to happen.

Kennedy thinks it was wrong for Edge to wait until after John Cena had gone through an Elimination Chamber to cash in. He’s going to be more fair and announce when he’s cashing in. That would be in 335 days at Wrestlemania XXIV, when the new champion will be MR. KENNEDY!!! Kennedy.

Randy Orton has been attacked as well.

Coach comes in to recap the attacks to Vince McMahon, who says he knows who did it. Whoever did it did it because of John Cena, so Coach needs to send Cena to the ring to meet the man who did this.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Victoria

Candice chokes Victoria to no avail so it’s off to Melina to miss a dropkick. Mickie comes in for some hair pulling and catfighting, which is not exactly Mickie’s style. It’s back to Victoria, who knocks Mickie outside and drives her into the apron. Melina grabs the cross arm choke but Mickie fights back up with a neckbreaker. That’s enough for the hot tag to bring in Candice and everything breaks down. Mickie saves Candice from a double suplex and a rollup finishes Victoria.

Rating: D+. Candice was getting in a little offense here and there and that’s probably a sign of the next push. It’s easy to see why WWE would want to push her, though she still has a long way to go in the ring. Putting her in there with women like Mickie and Victoria will help a lot though so at least they have the right idea.

The ECW Originals don’t like Vince McMahon as ECW World Champion. Tommy Dreamer cries, because he’s Tommy Dreamer.

We recap tonight’s attacks.

Here is John Cena to say whoever is behind this could have saved themselves a lot of time and come at him face to face. He’s ready to fight…..and here’s the Great Khali, which makes Cena swallow hard. Cena charges out to start the fight on the floor and gets knocked around. They head inside with Cena’s flying shoulder having no effect, earning himself a clothesline. A big boot puts Cena down again but he fights up and manages to get him in the FU. That’s broken up with elbows to the face though and the double chokeslam plants Cena to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling started good and then went downhill as the show went on, but I liked the one night mystery to set up Cena’s next challenger. It’s the definition of a spring/early summer title program and there is nothing wrong with that. Khali running through all four members of the fatal four way in one night is a great symbolic move and now we get to move on to what could be an interesting (not necessarily in a good way) title match. Overall, another good night, which is nice to see.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Backlash 2007
Date: April 29, 2007
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Taz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles

It’s the Wrestlemania followup show and the company is still on something of a hot streak. We have a big double main event as Batista challenges Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title in a Last Man Standing match and John Cena defends against Edge, Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton. That’s enough star power, plus Vince McMahon going for a title of his own. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how this is the Wrestlemania sequel, with a focus on the three top matches. Rather simple and to the point, but it works well.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Hardys are defending. Matt and Cade get things going with the latter driving him into the corner. That’s broken up so Cade goes with a running shoulder but Matt slugs his way out of trouble. A headlock takeover puts Cade down but it’s off to Murdoch, who walks into a slam. Jeff comes in with a slingshot dropkick and the elbow/flipping splash combination keeps Murdoch in trouble.

The Whisper in the Wind is more of a flipping Blockbuster but it lets the Hardys clear the ring. Jeff’s big Poetry In Motion to the floor has Cade and Murdoch down again and the champs are in control. Back in and Matt drops a middle rope elbow for two on Murdoch, who sends him into the corner for a breather. It’s back to Jeff, who gets pulled out to the floor for the crash to put him in trouble. The sitout spinebuster plants Jeff for two and Murdoch grabs the chinlock.

Back up and a neckbreaker and clothesline give Murdoch two each, followed by a big boot for the same. Cade comes back in for a chinlock of his own and it’s already back to Murdoch for a belly to back suplex. Jeff’s dropkick isn’t enough for the hot tag but kicking Murdoch out of the corner is, as Matt gets to come back in. Everything breaks down and Jeff is sent hard into the corner, leaving Cade to come off the top and hit Matt in the back. Murdoch’s Code Red gets two but Matt is back up with the Twist of Fate. With Matt cutting off Cade, Jeff Swantons Murdoch so Matt can get the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. It was a little long at over fifteen minutes but the Hardys winning a hard fought tag match is almost always a good idea. Cade and Murdoch are a good old fashioned roughneck brawling team and this was a fine way to use them. It felt like a pay per view title match, though trimming off a minute or two might have helped.

Vince and Shane McMahon are confident that they can beat Bobby Lashley, especially with Umaga around. How does this sound: ECW World Champion Vince McMahon?

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Mickie is challenging and wastes no time armdragging her down into an armbar. The grappling on the mat gives us a quick standoff until Mickie headscissors her back down. That’s broken up as Melina is sent into the corner, where she seems to be favoring her eye. Tis but a ruse though as she charges at Mickie, who hammers away to keep the champ in trouble. Mickie takes too long going up top though and gets shoved off into a heap on the floor.

Back in and Melina grabs a full nelson with her legs and even puts her hand on the rope for leverage (It’s interesting that just putting your hand there wouldn’t do much. The thing is though that fans understand it’s cheating so it can go a long way with almost no effort. Learn that kind of thing.). A choke in the corner has Mickie in more trouble and a middle rope Thesz press drops her again.

The chinlock doesn’t last long as Mickie drops down into the splits….and pulls Melina down into them with her. They slug it out from there until Mickie kicks her away. Some clotheslines and a hair toss have Melina in more trouble, with a high crossbody getting two. That’s enough for Melina, who goes to the eyes and drops her with a reverse DDT to retain.

Rating: C. They were working hard here but there is only so much that you can do when they are in the lowest level match on the card and the ending comes out of nowhere. Melina needs to be built up with wins like this so they did things as well as they could have. Not a terrible match, but it could have been on any given Raw.

Edge is ready to win the WWE Championship. Maria pulls out a fan question, asking how he won his first World Title. That would be Money in the Bank, so here is Mr. Kennedy with the briefcase to hint at a cash-in at the end of the night. Eh, not with that kind of telegraphing.

The Condemned hype comes to pay per view.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

MVP is challenging and drives him into the corner a few times to start. A leg dive doesn’t work for MVP and it’s time for the exchange of front facelocks. Benoit tries the Crossface but MVP is right over to the rope, as he should be. Back up and a headlock takeover slows Benoit down a bit until he reverses into a headscissors and then bridges up into a backslide for two. Benoit takes him down and gets the Sharpshooter, sending MVP back to the ropes.

Back up again and MVP hits a running boot to the back of the head to take over. The cravate goes on to stay on Benoit’s neck and MVP tosses him with a suplex for two more. MVP grabs a chinlock and the LET’S GO POWER RANGER chant gets on his nerves a bit. Benoit fights up and rolls the German suplexes but MVP is smart enough to grab the foot to prevent the Swan Dive.

A hot shot gives MVP a series of two counts but Benoit is right back with the Crossface, sending MVP back to the ropes. MVP is back with something like an armbar while cranking on the neck at the same time. The big boot misses though and Benoit rolls more German suplexes. The Swan Dive is loaded up but hits raised knees, allowing MVP to grab a half crab. That’s broken up so MVP tries a suplex, which is quickly reversed into a small package so Benoit can retain.

Rating: B-. The ending surprised me and that’s a good thing, at least in theory. At the end of the day, I’m not sure how smart it is to have Benoit retain the title as MVP needs to win something rather soon. Getting pinned by Benoit is hardly some terrible result, but how many times can MVP lose before it stops mattering anymore?

John Cena is asked about how title defense tonight but here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton talks about how similar they are, including being handsome. An alliance is tossed out, but Cena would rather talk about the handsome part. It turns into a series of gay jokes, though it isn’t Cena’s thing. Orton says tonight is ending with Cena on his back and Orton on top, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

We recap the McMahons and Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley for Lashley’s ECW World Title. Lashley beat Umaga at Wrestlemania to force Vince McMahon to get his head shaved, so now it is time for revenge. Vince has put Lashley in a handicap match and Lashley….well he got as fired up as he could at least.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

Lashley is defending but unfortunately Vince has traded the snazzy hat for a bandanna. Shane starts for the team and gets taken down for an early pummeling. There’s the spinebuster and Shane is on the floor in a hurry. Back in and Shane hands it off to Umaga, which is just fine with Lashley. Umaga takes him down but Lashley avoids a charge in the corner and hits some running clotheslines.

A clothesline puts Umaga on the floor and Shane goes with him, leaving Vince alone with Lashley. Umaga comes back in to save the boss and Shane low bridges Lashley to the floor. There’s a legdrop to keep Lashley in trouble and a hard whip into the corner makes it worse. Shane starts working on the arm and cranks away, with Lashley just kind of laying there cringing. The hold stays on for a good while, including a bodyscissors to make it worse. Lashley powerbombs his way to freedom but Umaga is right back with in with the save.

Umaga grabs the bearhug and then a Samoan drop gets two. It’s back to Shane for a camel clutch but Lashley fights up with some suplexes. A torture rack into a backbreaker gets two with Vince finally making the save. Umaga and Shane have to save Vince from the running powerslam and it’s a belt shot to the head. Vince comes in to count two but Lashley is done. Umaga adds the top rope splash and now Vince can get the pin to become ECW World Champion.

Rating: C. The match itself wasn’t great, but this was ALL about the title change, as Vince winning the ECW World Title is the ultimate slap in the face of ECW. In other words, it’s absolutely perfect and makes Umaga look like a star as well as he was the one who put Lashley down. It’s a great way to make ECW fans mad and hope that someone takes it back, even if it’s Lashley. Not much of a match, but a nice piece of business.

Shane runs around holding the title in a hilarious visual. Vince is awarded the title and orders that the ring announcer name him the new champion again.

Post commercial, Vince McMahon runs into the ECW Originals and mocks all of them, saying things are looking up for Sabu and stealing Sandman’s kendo stick. Vince and Shane: “EC DUB! EC DUB! EC DUB!”

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker in a Last Man Standing match for Undertaker’s Smackdown World Title. Undertaker took it from him at Wrestlemania and now it’s time for the much more violent rematch. Neither trusts each other, but there does seem to be some respect between then.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. Batista has a heavily taped up thigh and Undertaker sends him into the corner to start hammer away. It’s too early for a chokeslam so Undertaker scores with the jumping clothesline instead. Old School connects early but Batista is back with the running powerslam. They fight outside with Undertaker kicking him up against the apron and then going after the big target on the leg.

The apron legdrop gives Undertaker a five but Batista whips him knees first into the steps. Back in and Undertaker catches him on top for a superplex (that’s a rare one for Undertaker) for the big double knockdown. They slug it out until Batista hits a running clothesline and slams him down for a legdrop. Undertaker kicks him right back to the floor and loads up the announcers’ table, which can’t possibly go well. Instead, Undertaker hits him with the steps for seven and NOW it’s time for the bloody Batista to be put on the announcers’ table.

A heck of a jumping legdrop off the barricade crushes Batista for a nine. Back in and the spear gives Batista seven and the spinebuster puts Undertaker right back down. Two more spinebusters give Batista a nine but Undertaker comes right back with a chokeslam. That’s enough for a nine so Undertaker hammers away in the corner (that’s not smart), only to get pulled into the Batista Bomb for a very close nine.

A frustrated Batista grabs a chair and blasts him in the head but the Batista Bomb is countered with a backdrop onto the chair. The Tombstone is good for nine so Undertaker kicks him outside again. They fight up to the stage and the Tombstone is countered again, so Batista spears him off the stage. That sets off the sparks and part of the set falls down, which is enough for the double ten count and a draw.

Rating: B. They beat each other up for a long time and the legdrop spot looked good, but going to a draw in a Last Man Standing match is rarely going to get anything but an eye roll. The ending did look good and felt big, but it makes this match feel like it didn’t matter. You don’t want that kind of a feeling, though the third match should be good as well.

Both guys take their time getting up but leave on their own.

The Condemned is still a thing.

There was a fan poll on who will win the main event:

John Cena – 50%
Shawn Michaels – 34%
Randy Orton – 10%
Edge – 6%

We recap the four way for the Raw World Title. John Cena retained against Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania but Shawn wanted one more shot. That was cool with Cena, but Edge and Randy Orton wanted in as well. The match was made, and then Shawn beat Cena clean in a nearly hour long classic this week on Raw.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Cena is defending and this is one fall to a finish. They stare each other down at the bell and it seems that we are in for a mini tag match. We don’t get any contact until a minute in, when Edge and Orton are knocked to the floor. Shawn turns to chop Cena, who grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for two. Back in and Orton dropkicks Edge outside and all four wind up on the floor. Edge whips Orton into the steps but Shawn is back up to plant Edge with a slam. Shawn isn’t done as he moonsaults off the top onto all three of them.

Back in and Cena hits a double top rope Fameasser onto Edge and Michaels for the triple knockdown. Orton comes back in and sends Shawn and Edge outside, leaving Cena to get caught with the backbreaker for two. Cena gets sent into the post but Shawn is back in to slug away on Orton. Edge comes back in with a spinwheel kick on Shawn, meaning it’s time for a mini Rated-RKO reunion. A Cena comeback attempt gets shoved off the apron and onto the announcers’ table and there’s a double backdrop to Shawn.

That sets up a double half crab (which somehow equals Boston instead of one) until Cena comes in for the real save. The Shuffle hits Edge but Shawn is up to send Cena and Orton face first into the post. Shawn loads up a piledriver through the announcers’ table but Edge makes the save with a chair. Another chair shot drops Orton, leaving Cena to pull Edge into the STFU. The rope is grabbed so Cena puts Orton in the same hold. Shawn makes the save and cleans house, including sending Orton and Edge outside.

The top rope elbow hits Cena and there’s one to Edge. Shawn loads up another to Orton but Cena breaks it up and we get the big Tower of Doom to leave everyone laying. Back up and Cena and Edge trade finisher attempts until Cena throws Edge and Shawn up onto his shoulders at the same time. Shawn slips off and tries the superkick but Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere. Cena breaks that up before one but walks into the Edgecution. Orton and Cena trade finisher attempts until Edge spears Orton down. The FU hits Edge but Cena walks into the superkick to leave everyone down….and Cena lands on Orton for the pin to retain.

Rating: B+. The match took some time to get going, but ultimately it was the last few minutes that took this to another level. The last four or five minutes were absolute fire with one big spot after another. I love the ending too as Shawn knocks Cena silly and would have had him beat but Cena got lucky with the landing. You can go a few directions from that, and I’m sure we’ll see some fallout at the next pay per view.

Shawn is livid and yells at Cena, who looks confused.

Overall Rating: A-. You had a six match card and the two longest were very good while getting by far the most time. Throw in Benoit vs. MVP in a good match and the worst thing being Mickie vs. Melina in a watchable match and this was a heck of a show. I liked this more than I would have bet on as WWE continues having their very strong stretch over the last few months.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 23, 2007
Location: Earl’s Court, London, England
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s a special show as we are in London and it’s time for a Wrestlemania rematch. The main event of this week’s show will see WWE Champion John Cena facing Shawn Michaels in a non-title match. That’s not a bad way to spend Cena’s thirtieth birthday and they can probably do some good stuff. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Shane McMahon, seemingly ready for a match, to get things going. Shane says that Bobby Lashley won’t be here tonight because he has been busy costing Vince McMahon his hair and Umaga the Intercontinental Title. We see a clip of Santino Marella debuting last week and winning the title with an assist from Lashley.

Since it’s St. George’s Day, Shane is going to let a fan have a chance to slay the ultimate dragon: Shane himself. Shane says we can even make it no holds barred and it can be someone from the crowd. After turning down the Chelsea coach, Shane says he has a better idea: a man he saw beat up six people last night in a pub.

Shane McMahon vs. Robbie Brookside

The fans don’t seem to know who Brookside is, though he had been around for over twenty years at this point. Shane grabs a headlock to start and takes him down for some knees to the back. Some kicks to the ribs keep Brookside in trouble and Shane hammers away in the corner. The trashcan is loaded up and Coast To Coast knocks Brookside silly. Hold on though as Shane just remembered that this is a handicap match.

Shane McMahon/Umaga vs. Robbie Brookside

Umaga gets in his own shots and hits the running hip attack in the corner. The top rope splash connects, but Shane remembers that he has one more partner.

Shane McMahon/Umaga/Vince McMahon vs. Robbie Brookside

Vince comes in and gets the pin. I credit the hat for his victory.

Rating: C-. What else is there to say to this? It was an angle instead of a match and not a great one at that, but at least they made the villains look like villains. Shane had Brookside beat on his own and kept bringing in more and more people, which made them look like monsters. That’s a good idea for something like this and it was a good way to build them up for Lashley on Sunday.

Video on John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels from Wrestlemania.

Matt Hardy vs. Trevor Murdoch

Time for part two of WWE’s favorite way to book a tag team feud. They fight over a lockup to start with Murdoch powering him into the corner. Hardy fights out but Murdoch pulls him off the middle rope for a crash. A neckbreaker drops Matt again but he avoids a middle rope elbow. The comeback is on, including the bulldog out of the corner and the Side Effect for two. Matt misses a charge into the corner though and Murdoch hits something like a Canadian Destroyer for the pin.

Rating: C. WWE has long since loved this idea as the Texas boys are now 2-0 in singles matches against the Hardys. As luck would have it, now they are going to be getting a Tag Team Titles hot on Sunday and now there might be some doubt about who is winning. That’s about all they have in the division at the moment, so go with it.

Weekly Condemned plug.

Melina vs. Maria

Non-title. Melina drives her into the corner to choke a lot, then bends Maria’s neck across the rope. Maria’s headscissors doesn’t do her much good as a swinging hair faceplant finishes in a hurry for Melina.

Ric Flair is ready to go the ring with Carlito, who is doing this on his own. Flair doesn’t seem thrilled.

Carlito vs. Great Khali

Carlito goes after him to start and manages to stagger Khali but gets knocked out of the air. The double chokeslam finishes Carlito in a hurry.

Post match Ric Flair comes out to check on Carlito, who wants nothing from him.

Mick Foley joins us for a cheap pop and talks about guest GM Michael Pena making the four way main event for Backlash. Edge pops in to say he is glad the match was made and he is going to watch John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels before taking out Randy Orton tonight.

Shawn Michaels runs into John Cena in the back. Cena talks about all of Shawn’s nicknames, but Cena’s only nickname is the champ. This was serious Cena and that is a good thing.

John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Non-title and we even get an old school weapons check. Shawn takes him down by the arm to start but gets reversed into a headscissors for the early break. Back up and Shawn goes after the arm again so Cena tries an STF to send Shawn bailing again. Another STF attempt has Cena running into the corner so they go technical for a change. Cena doesn’t care for that and powers him down to the mat, sending Shawn to the ropes again. They trade shots to the face and we take an early break.

Back with Cena grabbing a headlock takeover to grind Shawn down for a change. It works so well that Cena does it again and Shawn can’t get out of it in his first few attempts. Shawn fights up again and tries a hiptoss, only to get blasts with a clothesline to set up the chinlock again. The next escape attempt actually works and Shawn hammers away to take over for the first time. Cena gets a boot up in the corner though and a heck of a clothesline gets two.

A Sweet Chin Music attempt is countered into an AA attempt but Shawn bails out to the floor as we take another break. Back with Shawn elbowing away in the corner until Cena catches him with a World’s Strongest Slam. The release fisherman’s suplex gets two and the Throwback is good for the same. Shawn comes back with a quick swinging neckbreaker and they’re both down for a breather. Back up and the flying forearm drops Cena so Shawn can nip up.

The top rope elbow connects but Cena is ready for Sweet Chin Music. The big flying shoulder misses and Cena falls to the floor….where he is fine enough to pull Shawn’s dive out of the air. A posting is countered into a ram into the steps to leave Cena down as we take another break. Back again with Cena down on the floor, seemingly with a bad shoulder, so Shawn takes him back inside to crank on the arm. Cena fights up and initiates the finishing sequence, including the Shuffle. The FU gets two and that brings the fans back into things as we take a fourth break.

We come back again with Cena throwing him hard to the floor to bang up Shawn’s back even more. A posting gives Cena two back inside and the kickout has him a little stunned. Cena scores with a suplex (with Shawn still holding his back for a nice touch) for two and it’s off to the rather wise bearhug.

Shawn fights out so Cena dumps him over the top for the crash to the floor, setting up the top rope legdrop for two back inside. The super FU is countered into a powerbomb but Shawn can’t follow up. Another STF attempt earns another block and Shawn knocks him off the apron, into the announcers’ table. A piledriver onto the steps, ala Wrestlemania, is blocked and we take another break.

We come back again with Cena unloading on Shawn on the announcers’ table and NOW the STF can go on inside. The long form crawl gets Shawn to the rope for the break but he has to slip out of the FU….and hit Sweet Chin Music for a very delayed two. Shawn is whipped hard into the corner so Cena tries the FU again, only to have Shawn get out and hit the superkick, this time falling on top for the pin (after about 55 minutes, a Raw record for a one fall match).

Rating: A-. What else is there to say about this? It’s one of the best TV matches of all time as it is both very long and also high quality throughout. You almost never get to see that and they made it work very well here. It’s an excellent match and felt like a Wrestlemania worthy main event. You could go back and forth on which was better, but this is going to be very hard to top for a long time to come.

Shawn says something to Cena and holds up the title to end the show. Edge vs. Orton didn’t happen, which I’m assuming has something to do with Orton being sent home from the tour. Good chance that’s why this match had to go so long.

Overall Rating: B. A show with a match like that is going to carry you about as far as you need to go and make up for almost anything else taking place. That was the case here, as the rest of the show was mostly skippable, only to have an all time classic bail it out. About half of the show is spent on one outstanding match and that is more than enough to carry this whole thing. Great match, which makes for a pretty awesome show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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