IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 27, 2004
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to Taboo Tuesday and that means the voting is going to become a factor. In other words, expect a lot of people asking for votes from fans on various topics, many of which are likely to be established in the coming weeks. Either way HHH will wind up looking awesome because that’s just what he does. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Big Boss Man. That’s a sad one.

Opening sequence.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring to talk about Taboo Tuesday. He REALLY doesn’t like the idea of fans making these matches because fans don’t know how to pick what they want on pay per view. He’ll do it anyway though because here are the four choices for whom HHH can face for the World Heavyweight Title: Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, Edge and Randy Orton. Actually hang on though, as Orton isn’t getting in there that easily. He can only be on the ballot if he defeats Batista in a No DQ match.

This brings out a ticked off HHH to say this isn’t happening. He doesn’t come to this guy’s job and tell him when the fries are done and he doesn’t tell this girl which street corner to work. The truth of the matter is it doesn’t matter who he faces at Taboo Tuesday because he’s leaving as champion. As for tonight, the fans can have some choices: go screw yourselves, rot in h***, try to get life, or roll yourself up into a tight little ball….and here’s democracy hater Shelton Benjamin to interrupt. Shelton has some choices for HHH: quit whining, quit complaining, cut out the crying or get it on right now.

Shelton Benjamin vs. HHH

Non-title. This was at least scheduled for later so they did have something planned for the show. Shelton goes right after him to start and hammers away both on the mat and in the corner. The Stinger Splash misses though and Shelton goes shoulder first into the post. Back from a break with Shelton getting taken down by the bad arm as HHH goes into full Arn Anderson mode. A nip up gets Shelton out of an armbar so HHH goes up top to separate the shoulder like he did to Eugene.

You don’t go up top on Shelton though as he runs the ropes and armdrags HHH down for a breather. The Dragon Whip connects and a hard Russian legsweep keeps the champ in trouble. There’s the top rope clothesline (called a modified bulldog by JR) for two more and now the Stinger Splash sends HHH outside. Shelton follows and it’s a belt shot to the head for the DQ, meaning HHH has still never beaten Benjamin.

Rating: C. Just a run of the mill match between these two as HHH still can’t figure Benjamin out but Shelton is never winning the title because he’s not HHH. Much like the post-Unforgiven Raw, this was HHH selling a lot but getting to leave with the title, which has been the problem for a very long time now.

Post match HHH Pedigrees him on the floor and gets to pose with the title.

We recap Christy Hemme winning the Diva Search last week.

The Simon System will work for you!

Hurricane/Rosey vs. Rhyno/Tajiri

Rosey and Hurricane have been “frustrated” lately, probably because they’re barely ever on the show. Tajiri slugs away at Rosey to start, which goes about as well as you would expect. Rhyno likes the challenge of a big Samoan so he shouts a lot and throws hard shoulders, which finally take Rosey down. Notice that the fans pop big for the knockdown, because Rhyno built up the idea and the fans are behind him so they want to see him get it done.

Hurricane comes in for a high crossbody as Tajiri makes a save. The Tarantula has Hurricane in even more trouble so Rosey makes his own save with a kick to the head. Hurricane ducks a Gore to send Rhyno into the corner, followed by a blind tag to Rosey. A big spinning Rock Bottom finishes Tajiri.

Rating: D+. I like most of the people in this match so it’s hard to get annoyed at them having a quick one. It’s nice to have people fighting to become #1 contenders instead of having them face the champions over and over again. That’s what happens when you have more than two teams in the division and it can work just fine.

Mick Foley and JBL are going to have a debate. I’ve heard worse ideas.

Long recap of Gene Snitsky causing Lita to miscarry.

We get a sitdown interview with Kane, though Lita is still in a state of shock. She won’t eat and isn’t moving because they found out it was going to be a baby boy. Now their son is dead and it’s all because of Gene Snitsky.

Smackdown Rebound.

Benoit talks to William Regal about Taboo Tuesday when Eugene comes in with a pair of scissors. He wants to be like Brutus Beefcake but Regal has an idea.

Gene Snitsky vs. Val Venis

On his way to the ring, Snitsky insists that it WAS NOT his fault, but he’ll meet Kane next week in Madison Square Garden. Snitsky goes with the standard book of heel offense grade one beatdown to start as the fans call him a baby killer. A kick to the face sets up the chinlock but Venis gets in some low dropkicks. The Money Shot misses though and Snitsky kicks him in the face, setting up a pumphandle powerslam for the fast pin.

Wrestlemania sold out in less than one minute.

Here’s Ric Flair for a chat. He doesn’t like the idea of Orton calling himself a legend or talking about greatness, because that only applies to a select group. Orton was great because he was World Champion, but Flair hears Orton calling himself the Legend Killer. Who did Flair kill? Was it Shawn Michaels? He’s a great performer but no legend. Harley Race is a legend but Flair wore him out every time he was in this building.

Bret Hart (never been in a ring with Orton) is sitting at home looking in the mirror and Flair doesn’t think he’s a legend. Hulk Hogan (same as Hart) is an aspiring Hollywood star and no legend. Or is it a human stunt man like Mick Foley? The only legend who can walk that aisle and look as only he can look. Flair yells about being a sixteen time sixteen time sixteen time (he channeled Diamond Dallas Page there) World Champion and until Orton beats him, he’s no legend killer.

This brings out Orton to say that Flair is a legend that Orton idolized as he was growing up. He would even put on his dad’s bathrobe and practice the strut. Orton couldn’t have beaten Benoit without him, which is what makes it so tragic to see what Flair has become. Flair tells him to not go there because Flair and HHH have something special.

That’s too far for Orton, who can’t imagine the Flair he grew up watching would ever say that (absolutely true). Flair is just a glorified cheerleader these days but Orton knows he wants to stand up to him like only Flair can do. Only Flair can stand up to something like this because a true legend can stand up for himself. Great promo from Orton, but I don’t buy a Flair face turn whatsoever.

Shawn Michaels/Chris Jericho vs. Christian/Tyson Tomko

Rematch from a few weeks ago. It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Shawn getting caught in the corner. That’s broken up with a knee lift of freedom, allowing the tag to Jericho to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and Christian is thrown over the top onto Tomko as we take an early break. Back with Jericho in trouble, though actually not in a chinlock for a change. That really is a modern thing and something that needs to go away.

A sunset flip isn’t enough for the tag off to Shawn as Christian cuts things off. Well he is the tag team expert. A neckbreaker sets up a neck crank until Jericho pops up and enziguris Tomko. Shawn comes back in to take over with the usual with Tomko being sent over the top. Jericho breaks up an Unprettier attempt and hits the Lionsault on Christian but gets sent outside by Tomko. Sweet Chin Music drops Tomko but Christian rolls Shawn up and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a weird one as the match just came and went without much time due to the commercial. Building to Shawn vs. Christian is fine, but Shawn is going to be a heavy favorite on the Taboo Tuesday ballot so it’s going to have to be on a big TV show or wait a long time. They’re doing a nice enough job of building Christian up though and that’s a good idea.

HHH fires up Batista, who is ready to destroy Orton once and for all tonight. HHH tells him not to worry about Flair.

William Regal and Eugene are in the ring with three unknown guys. Tonight, Regal is going to let Eugene practice the three stipulations for his match with Bischoff. First up we have a guy dressed as a butler, who thinks he would be a better servant than Bischoff. Regal disagrees, because he’s seen the messes that Eugene makes. The second guy is in a dress, who thinks he would look better than Bischoff. Regal says he reminds him of an old girlfriend with ugly feet.

Finally we have a guy in a chair (who says his name is Scott Colton but isn’t Colt Cabana) who has agreed to have his head shaved. This brings out Bischoff to say Eugene isn’t shaving his head at Taboo Tuesday. Instead Bischoff kicks the guy getting his hair cut and runs. This must be something that sounded a lot better on paper because it really didn’t work in execution.

There was a Taboo Tuesday press conference.

Next week: Shawn vs. Christian. That makes some more sense.

Here are Trish Stratus, Gail Kim and Molly Holly to welcome Christy Hemme to the roster. After making fun of the Diva Search (fair enough), they bring Christy out and the one fan sign they show for her spells her name wrong. Trish won’t let her talk so Christy takes the mic away to thank the fans. It’s an honor to be here and she’ll make us all proud. That’s all good with Trish, who accuses Christy of sleeping her way into the finals.

Carmella pops up on screen to show off those Playboy level acting abilities as she talks about how no one would really pick Christy over her. It was Christy who robbed her of a quarter million dollars. Back in the ring, Trish is ready to give Christy her first match: a three on one handicap bra and panties match.

Christy Hemme vs. Victoria/Molly Holly/Trish Stratus

Christy loses in about ten seconds, as this stupid thing is still not over because WWE doesn’t know when to just let things go.

Post match Christy doesn’t seem to mind being in her underwear and says she’s perfectly comfortable like this. Given that they had her out there in swimsuits for two months, this really shouldn’t be shocking.

Batista asks a stoic Flair if he’s ready to go but Flair says he’ll be out there when he wants to be.

Randy Orton vs. Batista

No DQ and if Orton loses, he’s off the Taboo Tuesday ballot. Orton starts fast with a Thesz press but walks into a spinebuster for his efforts. A trip to the floor means a whip into the steps and some choking on the apron. Back in and a side slam gets two despite Orton’s shoulder being so far off the mat that it annoys JR. The slow beating continues as Orton’s hero status continues to dwindle. Orton avoids a charge to send Batista into the corner but here’s HHH because it’s No DQ.

The power of European uppercuts get Orton out of trouble and a DDT plants Batista. HHH takes Orton down though and grabs a chair….and here’s Ric. The fans are very into this as Flair takes the chair, which of course he uses on Orton because they set this up and did the swerve in about an hour. The Batista Bomb ends Orton as he loses again.

Rating: D+. You know, if they want Orton to be the big star and the guy HHH is running from, it might help if he was booked strong for a change. This was another instance of HHH getting the upper hand and posing with the title, as the Flair thing lasted all of forty five minutes. I know HHH got sent into a cake, but I’m thinking the fans might need something more than that.

Overall Rating: D. There were some entertaining parts to the show but for the most part, the Taboo Tuesday build isn’t working. The problem continues to be that you can’t really build towards a match when you don’t know who is involved, which is the case with the biggest match on the show. The big angle here would suggest Orton vs. Flair, but my goodness they couldn’t draw things out for another week or two before having Flair turn on Orton? I’m worried about how bad this is going to get before the show, because they’re off to a really bad start.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 13, 2004
Location: KeyArena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Unforgiven and things are back to the normal levels of bleak. In this case, that’s due to HHH winning the World Title again, because Randy Orton had his four week reign and needed to be eradicated once and for all. I’m sure he’ll get some title shots going forward, but it’s pretty clear that his time has already come and gone. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Unforgiven if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Ric Flair, Batista and a bunch of women are in the ring for HHH’s title celebration. Flair introduces the new champ as the confetti falls. Great now it’s going to be all over ringside all night. There’s also a huge cake, which is clearly the kind with a person inside to jump out. HHH says you can feel the excitement in the air because the king is back on his throne. This is the happiest he’s sounded in months, which certainly does make sense for him.

All of the girls kneel in front of him, so HHH says there will be plenty of time for getting on their knees. Normally I’d make a PG joke but the Diva Search girls have made that one sound tame. HHH talks about Orton spitting on him a few weeks back, but now he’s laughing again. Then he spit in the fans’ faces and they can’t even wipe it off because he’s the World Heavyweight Champion.

The girls rip his shirt off but HHH looks at the cake, which he knows has someone inside. Flair and Batista didn’t send it, so it must have been Bischoff. An explosion goes off and of course it’s Orton to take out Evolution. So…..was there a girl in there in the first place and Orton kidnapped her? Or did he just pay off the production people? HHH gets thrown into the hole in the cake, leaving his feet kicking in the air for a funny bit. Not funny enough to validate HHH getting another long promo or another title reign or how obvious the whole thing was, but funny.

It’s so funny that we look at it again after a break. During said break, HHH got out of the cake and kept falling over from the icing.

HHH yells at Bischoff and gets Orton in a handicap match tonight.

Chris Benoit vs. Robert Conway

William Regal comes out to cancel out Sylvan Grenier. Conway jumps him to start so Benoit slides between the legs and goes with the chops. It’s way too early for the Sharpshooter as Conway bails outside for a breather. Back in and Conway snaps off a suplex to take over, meaning we hit the stomping and choking. A neck crank doesn’t last long as Benoit fights up, only to get thrown to the floor almost immediately.

Back in and Benoit hooks a quick small package for two but Conway chokes him right back down. Conway has him in trouble again as Benoit is giving Conway more than he’s ever gotten in his career. Benoit finally fights back with forearms and a snap suplex for two of his own. It’s time to crank things up and Benoit rolls some German suplexes, setting up the Crossface for the win.

Rating: C-. That’s a fine way to go with Benoit, as he made Conway look good for a little while and then won without much effort as soon as he started putting in some effort. Benoit isn’t about to lose to Conway but Conway can get a lot out of just beating on Benoit for a few minutes. Nothing great or even very good, but what we got was fine.

Shelton Benjamin is coming back.

Taboo Tuesday is coming.

Here’s Stacy Keibler for this week’s Diva Search segment, which is a Seattle Slugfest. Molly Holly (with her regular hair) comes out to interrupt instead though and says the girls can have their “sl**” fest later (that’s a major swear from Molly). For right now though, it’s time for the two of them to have a competition of their own, with Stacy getting the pick.

That would be a dance off, but Molly had eight years of ballet classes. She requests to dance to William Regal’s music and does just fine, as expected. Stacy does the kind of dance you would expect from her and seems to be declared the winner. Molly jumps her from behind, drawing in Nidia, Gail Kim, Victoria and Trish Stratus for the big brawl. Bischoff, six woman, bell.

Trish Stratus/Molly Holly/Gail Kim vs. Stacy Keibler/Nidia/Victoria

Joined in progress with the Nidia hitting Trish with a middle rope crossbody. A spinebuster cuts Nidia down for two though and some right hands keep Nidia in trouble. It’s off to Gail as the fans want Stacy, likely due to her barely existing skirt. Gail’s half crab has Nidia screaming until she makes a rope. Molly comes in as Lawler makes jokes about the Diva Search girls boxing later. A neckbreaker takes Gail down and thankfully it’s off to Victoria instead of Stacy. Victoria gets to clean house on her own until Molly ties her in the Tree of Woe. That’s enough for Stacy to tag herself in though and grab a rollup to pin Molly.

Rating: D. What were you expecting here? Stacy has no business being in there and Nidia isn’t exactly good either. That leaves four women to carry a six woman tag and it’s not the easiest thing in the world when one of the women worked most of the match. It wasn’t good, but at least it was short and that’s about as good as it gets.

Kane comes in to Bischoff and wants Shawn Michaels tonight. Bischoff can’t do that as Shawn is booked for the Highlight Reel, so Kane grabs him by the throat. Since Shawn isn’t happening tonight, Kane can fight him any other night. As for tonight, Bischoff will find someone and Kane can have a No DQ match with no questions asked.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Jericho talking about last night’s brutal match but it was all worth it (even the ladder suppository) to get the Intercontinental Title back. That’s a record breaking seven times, which brings him to his guest, who is a former Intercontinental Champion in his own right. This brings out Shawn, who talks about beating Kane even uglier than he was before. Jericho agrees that it was impressive, but not quite as impressive as winning the Intercontinental Title for the SEVENTH TIME.

Actually that’s why Shawn is out here, because they’re neck and neck over the years. They’ve met in Seattle before so let’s do it one more time for the title. Cue Christian and Tyson Tomko with Christian talking about how awesome his career has been. He’s so awesome that he should get the Intercontinental Title shot right now. Shawn says deal, as soon as Christian beat shim. Jericho says not so fast, because he knows what is going to happen.

Everyone knows what’s going to happen and is willing to read the front row’s minds. A lot of fans are really excited to see it but section 53 knows that Tyson Tomko is going to interfere. There’s a kid that knows the solution though: let’s have a tag match! So the kid is the reason we’re not seeing Shawn vs. Christian or Jericho? Someone throw that kid in a closet, cover him in peanut butter and let a trio of rabid squirrels loose.

Christian/Tyson Tomko vs. Shawn Michaels/Chris Jericho

Joined in progress with Shawn chopping away at Christian (with bad ribs) before handing it off to Jericho for a suplex. It’s already back to Shawn to slug away at Tomko in the corner before tripping him down for a basement dropkick. One heck of a clothesline takes Shawn’s head off (Lawler: “PROBLEM SOLVED!”) and the villains take over. JR uses a neck crank to recap the evening (not the worst idea in the world), followed by Christian coming in to stomp away.

A flying forearm gets Shawn out of trouble though and it’s back to Jericho so the pace can pick up. The springboard dropkick puts Tomko on the floor with Christian following him, setting up the big stereo dives. We take a break (allowing me to drool over the idea Shawn and Jericho as a full time team) and come back with Jericho in trouble as Christian slaps on a chinlock with a knee in the back.

Christian’s backbreaker gets two and Tomko pulls on the ribs again. Jericho finally avoids a charge from Christian and the hot tag brings in Shawn to clean house. The top rope elbow hits Tomko but Christian crotches Shawn against the post for a save. Jericho cuts Christian off and it’s Sweet Chin Music to finish Tomko.

Rating: D+. That’s a “well that happened” if I’ve ever seen one. The more talented team won and it’s not like there was anything important happening here. You can’t tease a Shawn vs. Jericho or Shawn vs. Christian match and then go with this lame tag match, but for some reason that’s as good as we can get. Not a terrible match, but quite the downgrade.

Post match Christian gives Shawn the Unprettier on the floor.

Simon Dean, a fitness guru with his own Simon System of weight loss products, is looking forward to helping us lose weight. This is set up like an old commercial for a product, complete with a phone number and payment plan, which gives me some nice flashbacks to the old WCW days.

It’s Diva Search time with Coach hosting. The three come out with JR having to handle the mini bios, making him sound like a very sad man indeed. Joy is eliminated so Christy and Carmella put on the huge boxing gloves. Thankfully Vince McMahon comes out to interrupt and talk about next week being the season premiere of Raw.

Christy hits him low and chokes him down before biting him on the back of the pants. Carmella goes more traditional with rights to the face, one of which knocks Coach down. That means Christy wins, because duh. The winner of the whole thing is announced next week, thank goodness.

Eugene has a very separated shoulder after last week’s attack from HHH.

Kane vs. Gene Snitsky

No DQ. Kane clotheslines him down to start and hits a big boot to the side of the head as Lawler makes fun of JR for not knowing Snitsky. A raised boot in the corner slows Kane down and Snitsky hits those big right hands of his, which start with a big pull back and finish with a bigger follow through. It looks like he’s aiming for Kane’s stomach.

Snitsky hits him low to cut off a chokeslam attempt but Kane kicks him down again. Kane wraps the chair around Snitsky’s throat but Lita gets in and takes it off. That means an argument, allowing Snitsky to chair Kane in the back, sending him right onto Lita. That means a no contest, and likely a miscarriage.

We get the big stretcher job as Lita holds her stomach and Kane tells her that the baby is going to be ok. After a break, we get a BABY KILLER chant, which you don’t get to hear very often.

Smackdown Rebound.

Post break, Kane helps Lita into an ambulance as Stacy and Victoria look on.

Evolution vs. Randy Orton

Flair jumps Orton before the bell so Orton backdrops him down to check off the Bingo square. It’s off to HHH (Not Batista first?) to get punched in the face but Orton slides outside and pulls Batista down onto the apron. Batista comes in legally so Orton slugs away again until a spinebuster takes him down. Now HHH is willing to come in for some shots to the face but the Pedigree is countered with a slingshot, sending HHH crotch first into the buckle. The RKO is loaded up but Batista comes in with the clothesline and that’s a lame DQ.

Post match the beatdown is on until Shelton Benjamin makes his return for the save….and gets beaten down. Benoit makes the real save and Batista takes the beatdown to end the show. Wouldn’t it have been more productive to have those run-ins in reverse? Eh at least the six man should be good.

Overall Rating: D. That ending segment is a perfect compliment to the opener: Orton gets the better of HHH at the beginning and the end, but none of that really matters as HHH is still the champion. That’s not exactly something that makes me want to see where things are going, because things are going in the direction of more HHH on top with HAHA I’M STILL CHAMPION being the big closing line every week. It’s been that way for far too long now and that’s not the right way to make me want to keep watching.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Unforgiven 2004
Date: September 12, 2004
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another case of a one match show, which tends to be the case in the HHH era. In this case it’s HHH getting (another) title shot against Randy Orton, who was thrown out of Evolution last month. It’s not exactly a thrilling concept but there’s no escaping HHH’s title hunts of destiny. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Orton being thrown out of Evolution and trying to become the top face in the company by running away over and over. It’s set to Saliva’s Survival of the Sickest, which was the song that kind of finished me with the band. I’m going to be extra sick of it by the end of the show, but that might just be due to hearing about this match all night long.

Batista/Ric Flair vs. William Regal/Chris Benoit

Benoit and Batista start things off as Lawler hopes Eugene is home watching the radio. An early Crossface attempt sends Batista bailing to the ropes, followed by a quick takedown for the tag off to Regal. A t-bone suplex drops Batista and it’s back to Benoit, who gets chopped by Flair. The backdrop has Flair in more trouble (as always) and it’s Regal coming in, only to have the knee taken out.

Benoit makes a quick save so Batista takes Flair’s place with a chinlock. Regal gets up and sends him into the corner for the break though and it’s a hot (ish) tag to Benoit for the real house cleaning. Everything breaks down with Benoit snapping off German suplexes all around. The Swan Dive connects and the Crossface goes on Flair, drawing in Batista to pick Benoit up for the break. Regal sends Batista over the barricade, leaving Benoit to get the Crossface again to make Flair tap.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the slightest spark to it and felt like they were all just missing. It’s more an issue that I’ve seen them do a variety of combinations with these same people over and over to much better results. Regal getting involved is long overdue and I’m glad to see him getting a chance on the bigger stages like this. Everyone was missing here though, which is going to happen every now and then.

Christian doesn’t want Tyson Tomko to go to ringside with Trish Stratus for the Women’s Title match. It doesn’t matter as Christian has to go to the ring alone so what difference does it make? Tomko gets to decide, so Trish invites him to her dressing room after the match. Tomko to Christian: “Good luck.”

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and has Tomko with him. Victoria takes her down to start and the champ bails to the floor in a hurry. As Lawler makes it clear that Trish is NOT a s***, she sends Victoria into the corner for some choking on the rope. That’s broken up and it’s a gorilla press gutbuster to send Trish outside. Tomko takes her away before Victoria can dive and it’s a posting to keep Victoria down again.

We hit the armbar for a bit, followed by a hair pull as the offense devolves a few levels. The chinlock is broken up so Trish grabs a spinebuster for two, followed by another chinlock to keep things fresh. The comeback doesn’t take long with Victoria fighting up and hitting the spinning side slam. Victoria gets two off the dancing moonsault but goes with a slingshot dive onto Tomko instead of following up. Stratusfaction retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t good and it came after an ice cold build that was more about Christian vs. Trish than anything else, even though Christian only came back less than a week ago. This division is still dying for some fresh talent, but that’s been the case for so long now that it’s a feature instead of a condition. They’re trying, but they have no help in terms of build or interest from anyone.

Post match Tomko goes after Victoria, drawing in Stevie in drag for the save. Stevie leaves and Tomko wants him back out here for a match RIGHT NOW.

Stevie Richards vs. Tyson Tomko

Stevie comes back out as JR says this is the worst kept secret in wrestling. Tomko punches him in the face and we start the removal of clothing, because that’s what this match is really about due to whatever bad ideas Vince was having at the time. The wig goes off as well and Tomko shoves Richards’ implants into his mouth. Some right hands have Richards in more trouble as his bra comes off.

Rating: WIDANF. For Wrestlers in drag are not funny. I don’t get what WWE sees in this idea and I really, really don’t want to. I would love to have someone explain the point of this whole thing to me or why this needed pay per view time. It really does feel like they threw this out there because Vince would find it funny and nothing more. Lucky us.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Christian for the Intercontinental Title. Edge was champion but got injured and had to forfeit the title, setting up this match with Christian replacing Edge in a ladder match for the vacant Intercontinental Title. Christian had been put on the shelf after a match with Jericho so this was a perfectly logical move and about as good as they had given the circumstances.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Ladder match with the title vacant coming in and no one at ringside. They talk some trash to start until Jericho hits a few suplexes. A trip to the floor lets Jericho throw a ladder at him to no avail so Christian scores with some right hands. Back in and Christian chokes on the ropes so Jericho enziguris him right back down. When all else fails, kick the guy in the head. Another ladder is grabbed and slammed into Christian’s ribs but another big show misses.

They fight into the crowd as JR wants to know the difference between a Peep and a Jericholic. Jericho chokes with a cord but gets pulled into an Unprettier on the floor, which should be enough to win just about any match. Here it’s only enough to get a single hand on the title (those ladders are timely) so Christian ladders him down and puts said ladder onto the top turnbuckle. As expected it’s Christian going face first into the steel instead, with JR saying even barbecue sauce couldn’t make that taste good.

Jericho sets the ladder up but goes into it instead, giving us another double knockdown. A catapult sends Jericho face first into a ladder bridged across the middle rope, followed by Jericho shoving one into Christian’s face for another hard shot. Jericho channels his inner Shawn by riding the ladder down onto Christian’s back and the fans are rather pleased. They’re both hurt so Christian ties him in the Tree of Woe in the ladder and hits a running knee instead of, you know, going for the title.

Christian does climb, so Jericho gets out of the corner and flips him off, which is enough to get Christian down. That earns him a dropkick into the ladder into Christian and Christian sandwiches him in between a ladder. The Lionsault only hits ladder though and Jericho’s knee is banged up pretty badly. Christian takes FOREVER to climb though, allowing Jericho to shake the ladder away, leaving Christian hanging from the belt. The ensuing ladder spot to the ribs and crash are rather snazzy and they’re both down again.

Jericho puts the ladder over Christian and goes up but gets shoved down, just barely saving himself from a crash out to the floor. That’s not enough for Christian to grab the title, but it is enough for him to turn around on the ladder so Jericho can get the Walls on top. That’s STILL not enough for the win as Christian pops up and shoves the ladder over, with Jericho landing tailbone first on the side in a nasty crash. It’s time for the jumbo ladder so they head up at the same time, only to have Jericho pull him down for another double crash landing. Jericho finally (and I do mean finally) gets the title for the win.

Rating: C+. WAY too long here with far too many false finishes hurting things. I’ve seen this match a few times before and it’s the same feeling every time: get on with it already. Jericho winning wasn’t exactly a shock and it took too long to get there. I can understand why they were given this much time if Tomko vs. Richards needed that long in the previous match, but that doesn’t make it much better. The match certainly isn’t bad, but a trimmed down version would have been a lot better.

Lita answers Kane’s door and says she hopes Shawn Michaels crushes Kane’s throat tonight. Kane comes out and laughs at her ranting, saying this is now a No DQ match. He’s going to destroy Shawn and Lita has to watch from ringside. We even get a rather forced kiss for luck.

Jericho says he feels like a king. Edge comes up to say he’s coming for the title, because Jericho knows he can’t beat him.

We recap Kane vs. Shawn Michaels. Kane put Shawn on the shelf a few months ago and has since managed to win Lita in marriage. Lita then used an open contract to set up this match with the hopes of Kane getting hurt just as badly. The injury is only brought up at the end, almost as an afterthought.

Kane vs. Shawn Michaels

No DQ and Lita has been dragged out with Kane, which I’m sure won’t go badly at all. Shawn wastes no time in going after him and Kane is knocked out to the floor with some right hands. Kane misses a charge into the post to make it even worse but manages to uppercut him out of the air back inside. Shawn knocks him outside and even skins the cat back inside because he still has it.

That’s enough for a dive and Lita talks some trash, allowing Kane to hide behind her like a true heel should. A shot to the face puts Shawn down and Kane slams him onto (not through) the announcers’ table. The second slam puts him through instead as the slow pace begins. Shawn gets a boot up in the corner but walks right into a side slam to take him down again. We hit the neck crank with Lita playing cheerleader, much to Lawler’s continued confusion.

Another slam sets up another neck crank, followed by a clothesline to stay on the neck. Shawn fights up and grabs a DDT for the required breather, setting up the more required forearm into the nipup. Since it’s just a forearm, Kane sends him over the corner and out to the floor for a ram into the steps. That means some blood but Shawn kicks a chair away. Kane kicks Shawn away as well though and it’s right back to the floor.

Shawn posts him this time around and knocks Kane down with a single right hand. The top rope elbow gets two but a big boot cuts off Sweet Chin Music. Kane nails the top rope clothesline but Shawn low blows his way out of a chokeslam attempt. One heck of a chair shot knocks Kane silly, though he still gets up first. Lita pulls the chair out though and that’s enough for Sweet Chin Music to knock Kane out for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not too bad here and while a rather lengthy eighteen minutes, it didn’t feel long like the previous match. Shawn got his revenge in a violent enough match though it was nothing that we haven’t seen them both do better before. That’s likely it for this mini feud, though you can imagine Kane and Lita continuing for a good while.

Post match Kane yells at Lita, as expected.

Shelton Benjamin is coming back. I didn’t know he left but apparently his last televised match was three months ago. Who knew?

HHH reminds us of how great he is and promises to take Orton out. All of Orton’s success is because of him and tonight, HHH is taking it all away. Somehow this takes the better part of four minutes.

Tag Team Titles: Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and hopefully Tajiri is healthy tonight. The challengers charge into the ring with Tajiri not being able to keep up with Rhyno for an unintentionally funny moment. Grenier shoulders Tajiri down for an early two as the announcers argue about being prejudiced. Tajiri is right back up with some armdrags into an armbar. Conway comes in and gets the same treatment so it’s off to Rhyno to miss a charge in the corner. You can see the empty seats now and that’s rather telling about the importance of this match.

Rhyno knocks Conway down and brings Tajiri back in for more kicks. Something like a DDT drops Tajiri and the champs start their cheating ways. A backbreaker keeps Tajiri down as this is as thrilling as you would have expected. The announcers give up trying to make the match sound important and talk about Orton vs. HHH instead.

Tajiri gets up a kick in the corner so Rhyno can clean house again. A belly to belly and spinebuster get two each on Grenier with Conway making the save. The hard kicks from Tajiri have the champs in trouble and the Gore gets two with Conway putting the foot on the rope. The referee isn’t happy, allowing a flag shot to Rhyno to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. Again, the match goes longer than it needs to and loses a lot of the crowd (what little they had of it) in the process. This could have been on any given Raw, though it would have been bad on there too. The build was fine enough, but it’s not like this was ever going to be anything more than a match filling time on a card. It’s a thing that happens on every show, but when it feels like most of the matches on the show are just filling time, it become a major problem.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton, which is all about Orton winning the title that was supposed to belong to HHH. In other words, it’s been a month of “THIS IS MY COMPANY BECAUSE I’M HHH” and a failed attempt to turn Orton into the top face by just having him go against HHH. The problem is that Orton has spent most of his time running from Evolution in a smart but not inspiring move. There isn’t much of a reason to cheer Orton, which is a different situation than booing HHH. The second part is easily accomplished, but it turns into more of no one getting cheered, which isn’t a good place to be.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is challenging. Feeling out process to start with Orton calmly taking him into the corner and slapping him in the face. Lawler says HHH isn’t happy because he made Orton. JR: “Easy there Dr. Evil. I think Mr. and Mrs. Orton had something to do with it.” Point to JR on that one. Orton shakes HHH off and slaps him in the face again, followed by the spitting sequel. There’s a backdrop to make it even worse for HHH and we’re already in the chinlock.

Back up and HHH gets sent outside with Orton following, though JR isn’t sure about the plan. They head back inside in a hurry with HHH nailing a chop block. So much for JR’s analytical skills. An attempt at a crotching around the post sees HHH get pulled face first into the post but it doesn’t stop him from going after the leg. Another chop block keeps Orton down and a knee to the knee in the corner makes it even worse. A leglock goes on for a bit, followed by a facebuster to slow things down a bit more.

Some elbows to the leg set up the Figure Four, which makes a lot of sense in this case. HHH grabs a rope because he knows how to be a villain, though the crowd doesn’t seem to agree with the style here. The referee catches him grabbing the rope though and that means a break, followed by a thorough verbal castration. Orton shoves him into the corner with HHH’s head hitting the post to bust him open. Right hands in the corner stay on the head and Orton’s always good dropkick gets two.

A DDT drops HHH for two more but the sleeper is countered with a belly to back. HHH goes up for the most obvious dive into a raised boot I can remember in a long time to give Orton a breather. The high crossbody gets two and Orton throws him outside. Back in and the RKO is countered into a ref bump as I begin to sigh. Now the RKO connects for no cover as Flair runs in to get punched down. Batista gets in a few shots but misses a charge into the post.

HHH cuts Orton down with a low blow and here’s Coach in a referee shirt for the near fall. The lack of a pop on the kickout is as telling of a sign as you’re going to get. Orton punches Coach down and Batista is right back in with a spinebuster with Coach counting two (better reaction this time, but still not great). Orton backdrops out of a Pedigree and RKO’s Coach (all in one movement for a cool sequence). Flair takes one as well and it’s a low blow to break up the Batista Bomb. HHH is back up though and cracks Orton in the head with a chair. The slow motion Pedigree onto the chair makes HHH champion. Again.

Rating: C+. Well of course he did. It was clear that Orton wasn’t working as a champion (for various reasons) but the fans aren’t going to get behind him as the uncrowned champion after he loses the title to another soul crushing HHH win. It feels like another case of HHH showing everyone who runs Raw because he, yes he, is the only person who can fix all of Raw’s problems despite being a big source of their problems.

The match itself was actually pretty good, albeit slow and with a bad ending. As has been the case with almost everything on the show tonight, it felt like the match was being stretched out for the sake of filling in the show, which isn’t a great feeling about the main event. The crowd didn’t care and that was the case with so much of Orton’s time as champion. If they don’t care about him being champion, they’re not going to care about him losing the title.

JR is disgusted to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Just a completely lifeless show here which never got off the ground, despite some matches being pretty good. The problem here was how little there was to care about, which has been a problem for a long time. It’s felt like a matter of time before HHH got the title back since the second Orton won it and now that’s where we are: right back where we were, waiting on the next big name to challenge him. I’m sure Orton will get a few more chances but it’s not like it’s going to matter for the time being. Orton didn’t work as champion, and now we’re right back where we were before Wrestlemania. Lucky us.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield

MNM vs. Hardy Boyz

Jonathan Coachman (Raw Executive Assistant) and Teddy Long (Smackdown General Manager) are holding the Rumble drawing (SWEET). After the standard bickering over who will win, Edge comes in to pick his number but first we look at Kelly Kelly (my goodness the WWE women were stunning back then).

ECW Title: Test vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley beats Test up again. Why in the world was this not a clean pin? Lashley pinned him in an even shorter match on the following episode of ECW TV, so what was the point here?

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Mr. Kennedy winning a Beat the Clock Challenge to earn the shot at Batista. Kennedy cheated Undertaker out of the shot so Undertaker went after him, only to hit Batista by mistake. That would be saved for Wrestlemania XXIII though, with Kennedy getting the shot and bragging about beating six World Champions leading up to lucky #7 tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista

JBL is FURIOUS over the non-count off the neckbreaker.

Kevin Thorn and Ariel try to draw a number when Hornswoggle (nearly feral at this point) comes in to do the same. Coach makes a short joke and gets bitten and attacked. Great Khali comes in for the visual joke, followed by grabbing three balls. He leaves two, which Kelly Kelly picks up. You know the joke and you know what Ron Simmons comes in to say.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Wrestlemania ad.

Sandman goes to pick his number but sprays beer everywhere instead. Ric Flair comes in and Kelly hits on him. The lights go out and the rest of Extreme Expose (Brooke Adams and Layla) come in to dance. Again: back in the day when there were jobs for sexy women whose job was nothing more than to be sexy and dance in tiny outfits. There is something to be said about the old days.

We look back at various famous Rumble moments and winners in a nice touch as this is the 20^th Rumble. That being said, how many times can we have THE MOST STAR STUDDED ROYAL RUMBLE IN HISTORY???

Royal Rumble

Rob Van Dam is in at #18 and starts firing off the kicks. Kane gets rid of Booker, who gets back in and dumps Kane like a royal jerk. The fight continues at ringside as Viscera, complete with smoking jacket, is in at #19. Rob hammers on Finlay as the announcers make a bunch of fat jokes about Viscera. Johnny Nitro is in at #20, giving us Finlay, Edge, Benjamin, Punk, Orton, Benoit, Van Dam, Viscera and Nitro. It also gives us another section of NOTHING HAPPENING until Benoit throws Shelton over the top but since that might be interesting, Benjamin gets back in.

Ratings Comparison

Hardy Boyz vs. MNM

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B

Bobby Lashley vs. Test

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: F

Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista

Original: B-

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

John Cena vs. Umaga

Original: C

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C+

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/26/royal-rumble-count-up-2007-the-best-spot-finally-wins/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/21/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2007-the-battle-of-texas/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night and one of the most important shows of the year as we officially start the Road to Wrestlemania. The Royal Rumble is more wide open than in recent years and that’s often the best thing that can happen for the match. Other than that we have a pair of World Title matches, with Raw’s likely being too long and Smackdown’s needing to move on before the company makes itself look worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how life’s road is unpredictable and how one turn can change everything. As you might guess, the Last Man Standing match gets the most time and the Rumble itself is mentioned last.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending and it’s a tables match with Coach on commentary. Before the match, Batista gets in a quick jab at the Dudleys for being the biggest losers since the Philadelphia Eagles. They fight on the floor to start with Batista clotheslining the post by mistake to put the champs in early trouble. In a painful looking impact, Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, hitting Batista in the ribs to keep him in trouble.

A neckbreaker slows Batista down and D-Von takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Flair has Bubba in the corner on a table (that’s so wrong for Flair) but Bubba is right back with the Flip Flop and Fly (that’s more Flair’s speed) Batista comes back in for the save though as I’m glad they’re not wasting time with tags here.

The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination puts Batista down as Evolution can’t get much going here. Flair goes up, and in a shocking change of events, Flair gets slammed down. It’s time for the table but cue Coach, with his bad ribs, for the save. That earns him a What’s Up attempt but Flair makes a save of his own. Batista is back in with a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table for the win.

Rating: D-. Just a Raw match designed to get these guys on the show, though I can appreciate them putting the tables match on first and hopefully we don’t get a bunch of chants about wanting tables. Other than that, I see nothing positive about this entire thing. Batista and Flair are fine as champions, but it’s not like they have anyone important to feud against at this point.

Flair says they’ll keep the titles as long as they want.

John Cena raps about how he’s going to win but Rob Van Dam comes in to steal the last rhyme, saying he’ll win the Rumble. Cena makes weed jokes and says Van Dam can suck his candy cane.

There’s an empty chair for Mick Foley, should he bother to show up.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending and Jamie has the still blind Nidia with him. A 619 attempt in the first ten seconds is countered into a hot shot as Jamie takes over. Cole says that Nidia, who is blind, is looking on as Jamie hiptosses Rey down, earning one heck of a tongue lashing from Tazz. Rey gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by the sitout bulldog for two. The tiger driver is broken up and Nidia trips Jamie by mistake, setting up the 619. Rey Drops the Dime to retain in short order.

Rating: D. Well don’t bother wasting time I guess. This was barely three minutes long and they didn’t have time to do anything. Nidia’s interference was the most important part of the match and that took all of two seconds. These two are talented but they need more time than a run of the mill women’s match from this era to get anywhere.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. They were a successful team but Eddie got way more popular, sending Chavo into a jealous rage when the team stopped doing as well. Chavo went nuts, blaming Eddie for all of their problems and bringing in his father to turn it into more of a family affair, even as Kurt Angle tried to play peacekeeper. This is one of the few stories that is going to work every single time and both of them have sold it exceptionally well, turning it into the best thing going on in WWE at the moment.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo has his father with him. They fight over a hard lockup to start until Chavo slaps the taste out of Eddie’s mouth. A fired up Eddie shoves him into the corner but can’t bring himself to follow up because his heart is broken. He’s willing to take Chavo down into a chinlock but Chavo is right back up for a chop in the corner. Eddie chops him back and gives the first smile of the match. Some shoulders put Eddie down and Chavo is very pleased with his early success.

That just earns him a poke to the eye as the stalling continues. Eddie takes him down again but Chavo pops up in short order and hooks a hurricanrana to put them both on the floor. With Chavo back inside, his dad sends Eddie face first into the steps (Tazz: “I guess he doesn’t like his little brother.”) to give Chavo the first real advantage. Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker but can’t get it all the way on. Chavo scores with a belly to back suplex but the tornado DDT is broken up. Eddie rolls the suplexes and drops the frog splash for the win.

Rating: C. It was good while it lasted but it should have lasted about twice as long. This was a big time story on Smackdown and it ended in a match that was about half as long as the Smackdown main event. I’m assuming they’re setting Eddie up for something bigger down the line and they needed to get this out of the way, but this deserved more time.

Post match Eddie gets fired up for the first time and beats up both Chavos. Sr. gets tied to the bottom rope by the tie while Jr. gets stomped in the corner, busting him open in the process. They did a good job here with Eddie wanting to hold in his emotions during the match but being pushed too far after and finally erupting.

Chris Benoit is ready to go in at #1 when Evolution comes in with their champagne to celebrate. Flair says Benoit is the best technical wrestler alive and all man but the brass ring always slips out of his hand. It’s all about Evolution holding all of the gold so Benoit is always going to be second best.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Brock Lesnar defending against Hardcore Holly. Lesnar broke Holly’s neck back in 2002 and since we must go with real life instead of something, you know, interesting, we’ve been stuck watching Lesnar run from Holly for the last month. This is possibly the most ice cold title match in history as Holly is little more than a former comedy guy with a bad attitude who is ranting about wanting to break Lesnar’s neck. Lesnar can beat up Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, but Hardcore Holly suddenly scares him? That’s what we’re going with here?

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Lesnar is defending and Holly jumps him before the bell. The champ gets posted twice in a row and the bell rings with Holly on the apron, only to miss a top rope clothesline. Lesnar scores with a suplex as the referee is getting in the way more than usual here. A ram into the apron gives Lesnar two and it’s off to a waistlock on the mat. What would eventually be called a Shell Shock gives Lesnar two as this is a complete squash so far.

It’s back to the waistlock as you can hear the limited interest the fans had seeping out of the arena. A bearhug sets up a suplex and it’s right back to a head and arm choke. Holly fights up with some kicks to the ribs and clotheslines, followed by the Alabama Slam….for no cover as it’s off to that stupid full nelson. The hold stays on even as they fall to the floor so Holly tries it again with Lesnar on the apron. That earns him a neck snap across the top and the F5 retains the title.

Rating: F. Oh give me a break. Lesnar was never in danger here and in the six and a half minutes they had, at least half of it was Lesnar keeping him on the mat in a hold. Holly’s finisher, while fine for beating a midcarder here and there, is nowhere near enough to be a real threat to Lesnar. Thank goodness they didn’t tease a bunch of near falls and just got out of there, because this was a bad idea from the beginning.

We’re not even 52 minutes into the show and we’ve covered four matches, including three title matches. That’s a ridiculous pace, even for a Royal Rumble.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH, which they’re billing as seven years in the making. So we’re counting all of the four and a half years Shawn was on the shelf and the months long feud they had in 2002? They’ve traded wins and the title until Shawn got a pin on the last show of 2003, albeit with his own shoulders on the mat. Therefore it’s a Last Man Standing match tonight, which somehow ties into everything else they’ve ever done, including the most recent match, which is barely discussed.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

HHH is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. They fight over a lockup to start until Shawn gets the better of a chop off. It’s time for a mat sequence with Shawn loading up a backslide, only to let it go when he realizes what kind of match they’re having. One heck of a whip into the corner starts n on Shawn’s back, which is still a target six years after it was originally hurt.

Shawn is right back up with a Figure Four but HHH turns it over for the break. That’s enough of the wrestling so it’s time to head outside with HHH loading up the announcers’ table. A suplex through the table is broken up and Shawn ax handles him in the head. Back in and a backdrop puts HHH on the floor again but Shawn’s springboard spinning crossbody only hits table in a big crash.

Shawn is busted open (of course he is) and we get a replay, showing that Shawn would have cleared HHH by two feet even if HHH had stood in place. Back in again and the very bloody Shawn won’t stay down, instead telling HHH to bring it on. Right hands get a seven and a spinebuster gives HHH eight more. It’s chair time and a hard shot to the back gets nine this time. The Pedigree on the chair is countered into a slingshot into the corner, followed by Shawn’s own chair shot to the face.

Back up and the forearm into the nip up have the bloody HHH in trouble. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. Back up and Shawn grabs a sleeper, which lasts as long as a sleeper is going to in a match like this. HHH’s DDT gets eight so he loads up a belly to back superplex, which is countered into a spinning crossbody for a double knockdown. The Pedigree gets nine and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, good for a double knockout and a draw.

Rating: C-. Well of course we need to see these two fight again. You wouldn’t expect HHH and Shawn Michaels to wrap up their feud in just two matches right? This wasn’t very good with just an exchange of moves and nothing that went anywhere, though the blade jobs were both quite nasty looking. I’m sure we’ll see these two again, but these two will likely be fighting in their retirement home.

The fans are NOT pleased with the draw and I can’t say I blame them. HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Shawn insists on walking.

Video on the Royal Rumble, which really just shows the names involved. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Goldberg is in at #30.

The Fink is ready to start the introductions but here’s Eric Bischoff to promise that Raw will win the match. He runs down Paul Heyman’s abilities to run shows in Bingo halls, in a line that has to have been repeated a thousand times now. Ignore that WCW officially went out of business before ECW (on an extreme technicality but it was still officially in business after WCW was purchased). Heyman tackles Bischoff but here’s Steve Austin on the ATV to say they’re both in violation of the law. Stunners abound and beer is consumed. I’m so glad they spent five minutes on this when four matches got less than twenty two minutes combined.

Goldberg is asked about being #30 in the Royal Rumble when Brock comes in to wonder where his interview is. Brock asks where Goldberg’s title is but Goldberg says it’s coming back at Wrestlemania. Goldberg suggests Brock is a coward.

Foley still isn’t here.

Royal Rumble

JR and Tazz are on commentary, thankfully giving us a standard booth instead of the usual mess that these things have become. Tazz even has keys to victory: hide, stamina, get a high number. I’ve heard worse analysis so I’ll take what I can get. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 and we have ninety second intervals. Benoit gets aggressive to start (ignoring key to victory #2) and scores with a suplex but gets uppercutted into the corner.

Mark Henry is in at #3 and shoves Benoit down so he can choke Orton in the corner. The clock seems to get a little faster as Tajiri is in at #4 and gets suplexed down for his efforts. Henry throws Orton ribs first onto the top rope and everyone pounds away as Bradshaw is in at #5. Clotheslines abound until Benoit pulls him into the Crossface and gets him out in less than a minute. Well at least they’re keeping the ring at a manageable number. Rhyno is in at #6 and goes after Orton and Benoit as Tajiri kicks away at Henry.

Tajiri can’t get the Tarantula so Rhyno Gores Henry, eliminating Tajiri in the process. Benoit dumps Henry and we’re already down to three. They fight by the ropes and it’s Matt Hardy in at #7. There’s a Side Effect to Rhyno but Benoit knocks Matt to the apron. Matt gets back in and everyone pummels everyone until Scott Steiner is in at #8. Benoit rolls some German suplexes on Steiner as JR gives us the good stat of there being no former Rumble winners in this match.

Matt Morgan is in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up. A helicopter bomb plants Benoit and there’s a big boot to Hardy. It’s back to the exchange of forearms around the ring with no one going for an elimination until Hurricane is in at #10. Before I can recap who is in the match, Morgan tosses Hurricane in short order, leaving us with Benoit, Orton, Rhyno, Hardy, Steiner and Morgan. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron but not out as Steiner lays on Orton in the middle of the ring.

Booker T. is in at #11 to a nice reaction but also to a really annoying song. An ax kick has Orton in trouble and Steiner is thrown out off camera (in his last match with the company) as Kane is in at #12. Benoit and Morgan both get chokeslams and the Gore and RKO are both blocked. Kane starts beating on Matt in the corner…..and a gong strikes at #13. As expected, Kane freaks out and the distraction lets Booker throw him out. It’s actually Spike Dudley in at #13 so Kane beats him up in the aisle, both for the gong and for Spike upsetting Kane on Monday. Things settle down and it’s Rikishi in at #14.

Benoit dumps Rhyno and Orton gets a Stinkface as the fans aren’t exactly interested, probably due to the gong taking some of their interest away. They’re certainly not burning up the pace for eliminations here but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Rene Dupree is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point. He dropkicks Hardy out but turns into a superkick from Rikishi to get eliminated as well.

A-Tran is in at #16 and goes after Rikishi as Benoit ducks Morgan’s charge to get rid of him. Orton dumps out Rikishi and Booker in the span of a few seconds, leaving us with Benoit, Orton and A-Train. Benoit eliminates A-Train as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. Benjamin slugs away as JR completely missed A-Train’s elimination. How do you not notice the 6’8 350lb bald guy being gone? Orton dumps Shelton and we’re down to two again. To be fair, other than Kane and maybe Booker, none of the other entrants are worth anything so far. Lamont runs out to introduce Ernest Miller at #18 and Tazz loves the song.

Benoit tosses Lamont and Orton does the same to Miller so these two can keep slugging it out. Kurt Angle is in at #19 and now things can pick up a bit. Benoit and Angle go at it (of course) while Orton is smart enough to just chill in the corner. Angle has Benoit in trouble on the ropes but Orton makes a rather questionable save. Rico is in at #20 and goes after Orton, who dropkicks him almost immediately. A kick to the head rocks Orton though, leaving Benoit to roll some German suplexes on Angle. Orton dumps Rico with ease and it’s Test…..not in at #21.

We cut to the back where Test is unconscious. Austin sees who did it and makes that person #21 instead. In the arena, MICK FOLEY is #21 and Orton knows he’s about to die. Foley slugs him down in the corner, throws up a BANG BANG and hits the running knee in the corner. The Cactus Clothesline gives us a double elimination and it’s down to Benoit vs. Angle. Foley isn’t done with Orton and sends him into the steps as Christian is in at #22.

Orton gets in a few wicked chair shots to Foley and punches him down before slamming Foley’s head into the ramp. Some right hands get Foley out of trouble and it’s Mr. Socko but Foley has to give it to Nunzio, who comes in at #23. The distraction lets Orton get in a low blow and run off after a great angle that makes me want to see these two have a heck of a fight. Back in the ring, Christian can’t get rid of Angle or Benoit so Angle suplexes Benoit instead. Benoit is the only one standing as Big Show is in at #24.

Show starts fast with the overhand chops and throws some Canadians around until Chris Jericho is in at #25 to a very nice reaction. Jericho and Christian stomp on Angle in the corner until Show makes a save with a double noggin knocker. How old school of him. Everyone goes after Show so he shrugs them off and Charlie Haas is in at #26. Christian tries to turn on Jericho but gets dumped out instead, which just fits for Christian for some reason. Billy Gunn returns at #27 and hits some Fameassers but can’t get rid of anyone.

John Cena is in at #28 to a very nice reaction and you can feel the star power growing every night. Cena catches Nunzio sitting on the floor and throws him inside as the ring is starting to get too full. For some reason Nunzio goes after Show, earning himself that hard shot to the back. Rob Van Dam is in at #29 and can’t get rid of Show either. Cena gives Angle an FU and here’s Goldberg in at #30 to complete the field. I’m not going to bother saying who all is in there because we’re about to lose a bunch of them.

Goldberg wrecks everyone and tosses Haas, Gunn and Nunzio (after an insane spear). That leaves us with Benoit, Angle, Show, Jericho, Cena, Van Dam and Goldberg for a heck of a final group. Goldberg loads up the Jackhammer on Show but here’s Lesnar to jump him from behind, allowing Angle to dump Goldberg, who is busy seething at Lesnar. Show shrugs off the masses again but Angle chop blocks him, which isn’t the brightest idea. That means a Lionsault, a Five Star, a Shuffle and a Swan Dive but Show is unconscious on the mat. Real smart guys.

Show fights up and dumps Cena, who lands VERY awkwardly on his knee. Van Dam is gone too and we’re down to Jericho, Big Show, Angle and Benoit. Jericho goes after Show’s knee and bulldogs Show now, which has done so well against him already. The Walls make Show tap but Jericho lets him go. That’s not the brightest move in the world and Show makes him pay with a chokeslam over the top for an elimination. A regular chokeslam drops Benoit so Angle gets the Angle Slam on Show.

Benoit gets one as well and now it’s the ankle lock to make Show tap again. Show gets up and muscles Angle out as well, leaving us with two. With Show hanging over the top rope, Benoit hits the Swan Dive to the back of his head, accidentally bringing Show back in. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface to make Show tap for the third time.

A side slam gets Show out of trouble as we hear about Benoit getting close to Ric Flair’s longevity record. Show loads up a gorilla press but Benoit pulls him down into a guillotine, even as Show puts him on the apron. Benoit pulls him down and slides back inside as Show goes out, giving Benoit the big win.

Rating: A. It’s one of the best Rumbles ever, mainly due to Benoit. There was some great storytelling near the end, with Jericho and Angle both making Show tap but then making some kind of a mistake to get eliminated while Benoit was smart/determined enough to make it work in the end. The same thing happens when the big groups try to get Show out and Benoit does it on his own, showing how technique and determination are better than brute strength. It kept you wondering if Benoit could finally win the big one and that’s what they managed to pull off in a great story throughout the whole match.

Other than that, they did a great job of not letting the ring get too full save for near the end, which Goldberg took care of in short order. Pacing is often such a problem in these things and it’s very nice to see them get it right. They had a big angle with Foley and Orton too, giving it something besides the winner to go off of from here. Finally, there were multiple possible winners, which always makes for a better match than having one or two people be the only ones who could win. Great Rumble, and one of the best of all time.

JR loses it praising Benoit, who smiles (a rare thing for him) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Rumble is always a unique show as it’s the only one where one match can really save the whole thing, as the main event is often at least a third of the show. The problem is the rest of the show was so bad due to the matches either being rushed or being HHH vs. Shawn in their annual attempt at an epic match that it’s hard to call this good overall. Really though, the Rumble itself is more than enough to carry it, but on any other card of the year this would have been a disaster.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2004-they-couldnt-wait-any-longer/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

This is old and horrible so I apologize in advance.

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They say their first swear word on the air which might be a first in company history. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.

Ad for the Rumble.

We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.

A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.

Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.

Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.

Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.

They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.

Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.

Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.

Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.

We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???

Kamala exists and that’s about it.

Damien Demento vs. Undertaker

Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying as all goodness and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.

Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.

Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.

Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.

Thomas Hall has been a wrestling fan for over thirty years and has seen over 50,000 wrestling matches. He has also been a wrestling reviewer since 2009 with over 5,000 full shows covered. You can find his work at kbwrestlingreviews.com, or check out his Amazon author page with 28 wrestling books. His latest book is the the Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Vader vs. Undertaker

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

BUY OUR STUFF!

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania 12 is coming.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Ratings Comparison

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

Original: D

Redo: C-

Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Original: D

Redo: D-

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-1996-shawns-texas-two-step/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1995
Date: January 22, 1995
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Jarrett is challenging and now has the Roadie with him. Razor starts with his usual assortment of punches and a fallaway slam to send Jeff to the floor. After a little toweling off on the floor, Jeff armdrags Razor down and struts. They trade arm holds until Razor gets taken to the mat where Jeff messes with his hair. Careful with the grease there Jeff. Razor gets annoyed and knocks Jeff to the floor for some more Memphis stalling.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Razor tries some quick rollups for two but Jeff goes right for the knee to take over. Jeff does his best Ric Flair imitation but as he goes for the third cannonball down onto the leg, Razor kicks him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Jarrett puts on the Figure Four, putting Razor in a lot of trouble. Razor escapes and starts his comeback with punches and the belly to back superplex but Jeff counters in mid air for two. Razor clotheslines him down and loads up the Edge, but the knee gives out and Jeff rolls him up for the pin and the title.

IRS vs. The Undertaker

This is the start of the Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Team feud which went on FOREVER. The bell rings and we stand around a lot. IRS tries to jump Taker from behind and it goes nowhere. Taker glares him down to the floor and the stalling continues. IRS slides in, gets glared down, and hides on the floor again. Finally we head back in with IRS pounding away and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Taker grabs him by the tie and swings him out of the corner, followed by Old School as this is dominance so far. IRS and DiBiase get in an argument on the floor, causing DiBiase to call for some druids. Taker loads up Old School again but the druid shakes the rope and Taker goes down. A clothesline puts Taker on the floor where he beats on the druids a bit before IRS jumps him from behind.

Bret is ready for his chance at the title.

WWF World Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

Backlund stays in the ring and puts the Crossface Chicken Wing on Bret. This set up their I Quit match at Mania which even Bret admits sucked. Diesel makes the save and hugs Bret.

More Pettingill and Anderson stuff.

Bob Holly and 1-2-3 Kid are excited to be in the finals of the tag team title tournament.

Tag Titles: Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Shawn and Diesel split up and we needed champions. Holly and Tatanka start things off with Tatanka hitting a side slam for two. Holly comes back with a slam and a few dropkicks as this is going nowhere so far. Off to the Kid vs. Bigelow, with the big man running over both of the smaller guys with ease. Bigelow LAUNCHES Kid into the air but gets caught in a rana to send Bam Bam rolling.

Shawn laughs a bit.

We look at the ending to the match from last year.

Vince apologizes to Lawrence Taylor.

Royal Rumble

Billy Gunn is #23 so naturally Bart Gunn is #24. Bob Backlund is #25 and also lasts about fifteen seconds due to a Bret Hart attack. Steven Dunn is #26 as there are like ten people in there. Bret and Backlund fight in the aisle again and old man Dick Murdoch is #27. Mantaur misses a charge at Bart and Adam Bomb is #28. For the second year in a row, Vince decides Adam Bomb is going to win the Rumble. Seriously.

Fatu is #29 and Luger eliminates Mantaur. Crush is #30, giving us a final group of Shawn, Bulldog, Luger, Montoya, Godwinn, Bart, Billy, Dunn, Murdoch, Bomb, Fatu and Crush, or WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Thankfully Crush immediately eliminates the Gunns to clear the ring out a bit. We cut to Anderson who gives a very uninterested wave and points to the ring. You know, because this is SO beneath her. Well, not beneath her enough to give the check back or anything but you get the idea.

Anderson poses with Shawn to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B+

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. IRS

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: B-

Redo: A

Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C+

What in the world was I thinking on the title match? It was great.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/14/royal-rumble-count-up-1995/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6