Monday Night Raw
Date: March 28, 2011
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

This is the final show before Wrestlemania.  That being said there probably won’t be a lot of in ring action tonight as WWE is afraid of having any injuries before the biggest night of the year. The main story tonight though is that the Rock will be live in the arena tonight for the first time in almost a month.  The staredown with Rock and Cena should be awesome.  Let’s get to it.

We open with Punk sitting in the ring and being cheered loudly.  He says he’s going to miss the Mania sign when he gets to Atlanta.  Punk lives in reality while Orton lives in a fantasy world.  He doesn’t care what happens to the people or to New Nexus.  This causes a Randy chant as Punk gets the smark crowd against him with one sentence.  Not bad.  It’s not his fault that they got punted in the head.  Punk talks about how Orton built up a psychological advantage which meant nothing.

We get a clip of the bus attack last week which is still rather weak.  Punk claims that Orton cost him a title and now Punk has cost Orton his respect.  This chapter closes at Wrestlemania.  Cue Orton with a big bandage on his knee.  After a very slow walk he gets into the ring but gets beaten down by Punk.

And never mind as a single uppercut turns the tide and Orton gets the elevated DDT.  Orton sets for the Punt but the knee gives out.  There are dueling chants here as Punk gets back in the ring.  He gets a shot to the knee and Orton is in trouble.  GTS leaves Orton laying.

Christian stops to get Edge as apparently they’re up next.  Apparently the Raw GM has allowed Edge to fight Alberto tonight.

Edge/Christian vs. Brodus Clay/Alberto Del Rio

 

Edge vs. Brodus to start us off here and it’s off to Christian quickly.  Christian knocks Clay to the floor and dives on him, only to get caught.  Edge gets a baseball slide into the back of Christian to send Brodus down and we take a break.  Back with Del Rio working on the arm of Christian.  Off to Clay who gets two as Lawler and Cole argue about hair.  Del Rio gets a middle rope elbow for two.

Tornado DDT out of the corner puts Del Rio down and here comes both Edge and Clay.  Nice pop for the tag to Edge.  Cross body fails for Edge but he avoids a powerslam to get an Edge-O-Matic for two.  Del Rio breaks up the spear and Christian breaks up Del Rio.  Brodus misses a charge and the spear ends him at 5:42 shown of 8:12.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent tag match here with them having a nice way to get everyone in the ring at once.  Christian and Clay have been nice additions to this feud as we’ve been able to avoid the stupid staredowns and debates and various other things like that.  Not a bad match here and it keeps there from being any real contact between Edge and Del Rio before the PPV.

Both Edge and Christian get stuck in the cross armbreaker as Del Rip and Clay leave them laying.

Apparently Trish and Snooki are in a bar in Jersey.  This was taped last week and Snooki was three hours late based on various reports.  Not a good sign.

Sin Cara is coming.

Miz and Riley are setting up a WWE logo to be the M version from last week.  The title looks like that now as well.

There’s an E-Mail and Cole has a computer in his box.  He has an Ipad now.  The GM needs to know if Lawler is ready for Wrestlemania after what Cole did to him last week.  Swagger vs. Lawler tonight.

We get a video about HHH vs. Undertaker which is set to a song about outrunning the devil and numbers.  We also get highlight videos of both guys’ careers and their matches at Mania.  HHH says if he can’t end the Streak, he’ll die trying.

Back with the Corre in the ring.  Apparently Justin Gabriel is in action….so here are Show and Kane?  And Kozlov and Santino.  Santino is the opponent.  Ok then.

Santino Marella vs. Justin Gabriel

 

The long talked about 8 man tag of Santino/Kozlov/Big Show/Kane vs. Corre is announced.  Gabriel gets an incredibly fast kick for two and locks on a modified chicken wing.  Santino comes back and sets for the Cobra but Slater distracts him.  Kane takes him out and it’s a big brawl on the floor.  Here comes the Corba and we’re done at 1:49.  Just a quick match to set up the 8 man on Sunday.

Post match everyone does Santino’s trombone thing, even Kane.  There’s a meme waiting to happen.

Some R&B singer is singing America the Beautiful.  That means….no Justin Bieber?  This Mania just got AWESOME!

HHH and Taker have their showdown next.

Here comes the Deadman and that Johnny Cash theme is rapidly growing on me.  Here comes HHH and as he sets to do the water spit, the gong goes off and the lights go out.  They come back on…and everything is just as it was.  They stare each other down, and here’s Shawn Michaels!  He does belong in a WWE ring for Mania week.  Huge HBK chant starts up.

Shawn says there was no way he was going to miss this.  Taker and HHH have barely stopped staring each other down.  Taker is either looking at Shawn or his eyes are rolled back in his head.  It’s at Shawn.  You could only see the whites of his eyes and with him you never can tell.  Shawn talks about how great both of them are and how huge this is.

He keeps talking before turning to HHH and asking why in the world would you think you can do what I couldn’t.  HHH says Shawn got soft somewhere along the way and that Shawn realized he didn’t have to win to be Mr. Wrestlemania.  HHH says that he has to win and he will.  The Game turns to Taker and says that when he got here he saw one guy that held everything together.  He lists off a lot of injuries Taker has worked through and how HHH has looked up to Undertaker his entire career and molded himself after Undertaker.

The only person that HHH admires and respects in wrestling as much as the Undertaker is Shawn.  Years ago Shawn and HHH made a pact that if either of them could ever not do it anymore they would tell the other so.  If the other couldn’t accept it, they would force it on them.  HHH looks at Undertaker and says that it’s time for Undertaker to stop.  He’ll always respect Undertaker, but in six days the Streak is over.  HHH says he’s the one, as in 18-1.  Good line.  Taker hasn’t said a word yet.  The Streak rests in peace on Sunday.

Undertaker grabs the mic from HHH and says that if the time ever comes for someone to put him down, he wants it to be HHH.  But it’s not his time.  HHH is going to kill himself trying but the Streak will still be alive and so will Undertaker.  Wait, Undertaker is alive?  I thought he was a zombie.  Taker says that if HHH doesn’t want to take Taker’s word for it, ask Shawn.

Shawn walks around being the man that gave Undertaker the best Mania matches of his career and he came that close to beating it.  Shawn seems bothered by this.  Taker says he looks at Shawn and sees a man that he humbled.  Shawn is a man that is going into the Hall of Fame as a man full of regrets and as a man whose career Undertaker ended.

Shawn grabs the mic and tries a superkick but gets caught in an attempted chokeslam.  HHH breaks it up and they stare each other down again.  HHH tells Shawn to tell Taker why HHH will win at Mania.  Shawn doesn’t move and HHH turns to look at him.  Both guys look at Shawn as the people chant one more match.  Shawn leaves and HHH shouts at him but Shawn says something we can’t hear.  The camera shifts so we can see Shawn say I’m sorry and something that looked like “I can’t do it.”  Shawn leaves with that.

HHH and Undertaker look at each other, Taker laughs and tips his hat and Johnny Cash plays him out.  Long segment that I have a feeling is going to get a very mixed reception. Good stuff, but not good enough to make this match as epic as they were shooting for.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jack Swagger

 

Lawler has different music here.  Cole pops up on the apron and gets down just before Lawler hits him.  Swagger takes over and a Vader Bomb crushes him.  Out to the floor and Jerry is thrown into the time keeper’s area.  Lawler gets a right hand in and pops Swagger with a chair for the DQ at 1:20.  That’s really the only ending they could go with here.  Lawler goes after Cole but the security holds him back as Jerry tries to get in through the top of the box.  Cole throws his drink at him and Jerry backs off.

We recap the mixed tag from last week and here’s Vickie with sunglasses ala Morrison.  She does his pose with his music and pyro behind her.  We even get slow motion.  She says that she has a message for Snooki.  After the match Sunday, Snooki will be passed out and unconscious as always.  Vickie’s evil laugh is pretty awesome.

Dolph Ziggler/Sheamsu vs. Daniel Bryan/John Morrison

 

Nice pop for Morrison.  Sheamus vs. Morrison to start Flash Kick doesn’t work as Morrison jumps into the Irish Curse for two as we take a break.  Back with the same pairing as before the break as Sheamus locks on a bow and arrow hold.  Morrison fights out of it with a dropkick and it’s a double tag.

Bryan comes in and cleans house as he locks in the LeBell Lock to Ziggler.  Sheamus makes the save as Morrison kicks Ziggler in the head.  Apparently Sheamus is legal now.  I don’t remember a tag but ok then.  Morrison and Ziggler hit the floor and the LeBell Lock doesn’t work.  Sheamus hits the High Cross which Cole calls Pale Justice.  It’s a Razor’s Edge either way and it ends it at 2:44 shown of 6:14.

Rating: C-. Not really enough to grade but this is a quick way to get some build in for both matches.  Always been a fan of that as it’s a very good way to kill two birds with one stone.  I’d love to see these four get more time in the ring as it could be something rather good.  This wasn’t much from a wrestling standpoint but it wasn’t terrible I guess.

Orton is having his knee iced down and says that he’ll make it to Mania.  He has anger management issues and has hurt people he didn’t know just because he could.  He’s never despised anyone until now so the question isn’t can he make it to Mania but rather can Punk make it out of Mania.

Time for the Hall of Fame inductee of the night.  It’s the LEGION OF DOOM!!!!! It’s about freaking time!  We get a nice video package on them and apparently Paul Ellering is going in with them.  That makes the class LOD, Ellering, Shawn Michaels, Sunny, Bullet Bob Armstrong, Abdullah the Butcher and Jim Duggan.  I leave out Drew Carey for reasons of idiocy.

Snooki and Trish are at a bar and oh my goodness Snooki is drunk.  Some Jersey guy is annoying them constantly.  Snooki slaps him and he gets taken out.  This was rather pointless and lasted maybe a minute.

We cut to Matthews and then back to the bar as Laycool is there.  Big brawl breaks out and they get pulled apart, making this whole thing maybe 80 seconds.

Back and it’s time.  The Rock is here on the big screen and there’s the music.  HUGE Rocky chant goes up and it takes awhile to get to the talking.  This is a special city to Rock as his first Wrestlemania was here.  On that night, he was nervous but he brought it.  That night he founded Team Bring It which everyone is a part of.  On Team Bring It you don’t worry about what’s coming and you go after your dreams.

Recently Rock has had a dream of his own.  In this dream he came to the ring and called out John Cena.  Mad heat for the mere mention of Cena’s name.  The fans chant Cena sucks.  He doesn’t have a chance tonight.  Rock says Cena looks like a homeless Power Ranger.  Rock talks about Cena and how tonight, Rock is here with the MILLIONS.

Cue Cena who is looking rather chipper.  Hokey smoke this is epic.  Not total booing for Cena when he first comes out but when he starts talking it changes a bit.  Cena says this is what he finally wanted: Rock back in a WWE ring.  This is where Rock belongs according to Cena.  The fans chant for Rocky.  When Cena started talking about him years ago he was one of the millions.  He didn’t understand why Rock left because Cena wanted Rock back for moments like these when Rock has the people in the palm of his hands.  If Rock doesn’t believe Cena, Rock should listen to them.

If Rock still doesn’t believe him, Rock should feel the electricity.  When Rock came back he was smoking and it was an honor to have Rock make fun of him.  Cena takes a jab at the via satellite moments and Cena wanted to know…..something we have to wait on as the fans chant Cena Sucks a bit more.  Cena wants to know what problem Rock had with him.  That’s a good question actually.  Cena says that he looked past all the jokes and catchphrases and found a lot of problems Rock had with him.

Who in the world is Rock to tell Cena how to dress or what to listen to or who his audience should be?  If that is what it takes to be on Team Bring It then Cena wants nothing to do with it.  Cena knows there are people that hate him and he’s not going to change for them or for anyone.  He’ll be judged at the end of the day but it won’t be by Rock.

There were things like the colors and the way he talks.  Also the music and the hustle, loyalty and respect.  The one that surprises Cena though is that Rock’s audience is kids.  That’s right and Cena is proud of what he is and who he’s become.  Rock hasn’t taken his eyes off Cena the whole time.  Cena morphs into Super Cena, saying that if Rock has a problem with Cena working as hard as he has, there’s something to talk about.

Rock says the good Lord will be the one to judge them and gets in Cena’s face.  Even the good Lord can’t save Cena from Rock whipping him all over Chicago.  Cena says if you want to fight there’s nothing stopping you and throws the mic down.  Here’s Miz and he has a LOT to live up to.  Miz says that he’s tired of being overshaddowed by the O Brothers: Overrated and Overhyped.  Cena will lose at Wrestlemania, but he’ll go down fighting, unlike The Rock.

Miz says he knows a secret.  Rocky isn’t going to do a thing tonight because Rock isn’t going to risk losing a movie career to get beaten up and embarrassed by Miz.  That’s not a risk, but rather a guaran-darn-tee that if Rock even looks at Miz Rock will never be able to set foot in Hollywood after the beating Miz gives him.  Rock can talk all he wants and it won’t matter.  Rock says it doesn’t matter what Miz thinks.

Riley jumps Rock and the beating is on.  Riley is knocked to the floor as Cena is gone.  Rock takes down Miz with a DDT and botches the nip up.  Oh Cena is on the floor.  People’s Elbow to Miz who is thrown to the floor.  Rock turns around and it’s an Attitude Adjustment to Rock as the booing is insane.  Rock can’t see Cena as he leaves.  Cena points to the Mania sign and we’re off the air.

Overall Rating: C+. Well the wrestling was very light this week but at the same time that was expected.  Obviously they can’t risk an injury to Miz or Cena in a pointless match…yet the other world title match participants had a match.  It’s almost as if that match means nothing in the grand scheme of things.  Anyway this was a solid build up show with I think every match getting at least some camera time.  That’s a good sign and much better than the previous few go home shows for Wrestlemania.  I liked this for the most part but some stuff could have been changed.  Good overall though.

Results

Edge/Christian b. Alberto Del Rio/Brodus Clay – Spear to Clay

Santino Marella b. Justin Gabriel – Cobra

Jack Swagger b. Jerry Lawler via DQ when Lawler used a chair

Sheamus/Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan/John Morrison – High Cross to Bryan

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They say their first swear word on the air which might be a first in company history. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.

Ad for the Rumble.

We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.

A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.

Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.

Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.

Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.

They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.

Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.

Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.

Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.

We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???

Kamala exists and that’s about it.

Damien Demento vs. Undertaker

Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying as all goodness and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.

Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.

Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.

Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.

Wrestlemania 12
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
Star Spangled Banner: N/A

This show is a very different direction for the company, and while the match is remembered fondly, this is one of the lowest rated Manias of all time and I think that’s for one reason: there are only 6 matches. You have the iron man match, Diesel vs. Taker, and four other matches that hardly anyone remembers. Razor Ramon is on the box but was less than two months away from debuting on Nitro.

After what apparently was viewed as a big show the year before, tonight was all about Shawn Michaels. Looking back at the buildup, we all should have seen it coming. Shawn was the guy that never quite could put all of the pieces together but for the first time in forever he was healthy, he was trained properly and he was totally ready, but we’ll get to that later on. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course all about Bret vs. Shawn which is appropriate since that’s all this show is about. Something about champion vs. challenger or something.

Oh and because there was no time for it, the finals of a big tag team title tournament was held on the preshow with the Body Donnas beating the Godwins when Sunny flashed Phineas.

After no America the Beautiful or Star Spangled Banner, we get our first contest!

Vader/Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Ahmed Johnson/Jake Roberts/Yokozuna

Ahmed Johnson was nothing short of a tank. Imagine Lashley but about ten times more awesome. Nothing but pure power all around. Shame he was injured and then left the company. He was supposed to be the first black WWF Champion but that fell through. Anyway, this is because of Yoko turning face and going after Cornette who brought in Vader to settle the score. Hart and Smith were also in Cornette’s stable and Johnson and Roberts are there because they had contracts.

Yoko at this point was just embarrassingly fat. Apparently if Yoko’s team wins he gets 5 minutes with Cornette. He means nothing at all by this point and it’s rather clear. Yoko and Vader slug it out to start but soon it shifts to a big brawl. And then it’s back to Yoko vs. Vader with Vader getting knocked to the floor. Ahmed DIVES over the top to take down Vader.

Total insanity to start us off here so at least it’s fast paced. The giants explode again and it’s Yoko with the advantage. Owen comes in and gets beaten on for a bit until Bulldog saves him. Back to the fat boys here as for some reason they decided Yoko should be in there for three or four minutes to start us off. Vader punches him down in the corner and talks to him for awhile for no apparent reason.

Yoko gets a freaking Rock Bottom of all things and tags in Ahmed. He cleans house, destroying all three evildoers. Sunset flip on Vader results in Vader jumping up and going straight down. Bulldog gets in a few shots and Vince says Camp Cornette is like a herd of buffalo. Sure why not.

Owen gets a missile dropkick out of nowhere to take over. Enziguri to the back (which thankfully they say was to the back) puts Ahmed down. Back to Vader as this is a basic formula now. Is there a reason as to why Jake isn’t getting the beating so that Ahmed can get the hot tag later? Ahmed gets a shot to take Owen down and finally brings in Jake.

Mr. Fuji comes down to ringside as I’d assume he got lost or something. Jake calls for the DDT but Owen grabs the rope. Roberts gets caught in the corner and the beatdown is on. Vader mauls him for a bit as this is starting to get a big long. Top rope elbow by Owen gets two. Just to show what a different time it was, Jake kicks out of the powerslam from the Bulldog like it’s any other move. That’s just wrong.

Yoko finally gets the lukewarm tag and hammers Vader down in the corner. He looked like he was sticking a fork in the top of his head which explains the speed of those shots. Jake comes back in because he’s clearly fine after that long beatdown and Ahmed can’t come in yet due to affirmative action or something. DDT to Owen but Cornette saves. Vader takes Jake down and the Vader Bomb ends him.

Rating: D+. The wrestling really isn’t that bad, but it went on forever. Take 5-7 minutes out of this and it goes way up in value. The psychology made very little sense here which is a weird thing to see in a Roberts match. This went nowhere for the most part and feels really weird for a Mania opener. Nothing to see here.

We recap Piper vs. Goldust in one of the most homophobic feuds ever. Piper is president of the company and Goldust is turned on by Piper’s power. This set up the Hollywood Back Lot Brawl, which is just a fight in the back alley. Michael Freaking Cole does the voiceover for this. He was there in 1996? Hokey smoke indeed.

Goldust vs. Roddy Piper

Piper was seen earlier with a bat and a water hose. This was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor is in rehab (I’m stunned to) so we get this instead. Goldust pulls up in a gold Cadillac and Piper stops it by spraying it with a gardening hose then beating it with a bat. The smash cuts here are really, really annoying. This is hardcore before there was hardcore and they get fairly brutal out there.

Obviously this isn’t live or anything like that as they filmed this earlier in the day. I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea but it’s certainly not one at all. Piper chokes him with a bat and sprays him down with a high pressure hose. Goldust gets a shot to Roddy’s pipe and drums and takes over.

Goldust just gets the heck beaten out of him for the most part as some of Piper’s punches are either legit or the best fakes I’ve ever seen. The son of the Dream gets in the car and Piper (or an extremely average impersonator) jumps onto the hood to keep from getting crushed. Goldust leaves and Piper chases him in a white Bronco. This doesn’t finish here so we’ll come back to the rest of this as it happens. This was REALLY bad as it was all taped and clearly edited and the crowd is of course silent after five minutes of just sitting around watching a TV monitor.

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

These two had a long feud for no apparent reason. Austin was the Ringmaster at the time and the Million Dollar Champion. They feuded for several months and it was just a waste of time. This gets PPV time but the tag team title match doesn’t. Of course it does. Savio is with Doc Hendrix and we get a quick look at them being paired together in the tag tournament and Austin screwing him over. Savio says he’s ready for anything.

It’s a brawl almost immediately and they roll around on the mat. We hit the floor and it’s Vega in control. DiBiase gets involved to give Austin control but that gets him nowhere at all. This is a boring match in case you didn’t get that. Showing the boredom of Vince we go to Roddy Piper on cell phone as he chases after Goldust on the freeway.

Savio hurts his arm on a clothesline as we hear about how great of a technician Austin is. Back to the phone stuff as Austin works on the arm. Middle rope elbow drills Savio for two as Piper yaps away. The sad thing is that this is a pretty good back and forth match but the crowd is dead because of being killed by the parking lot thing.

We continue the idiocy with aerial footage of Piper chasing Goldust. And of course, it’s of the OJ Simpson chase. Savio takes Austin’s head off with a spin kick but Austin takes over again. An elbow off the top (Austin was a completely different wrestler before he became the Rattlesnake and somehow better in the ring) misses and here comes Savio.

Naturally in an Austin match at Wrestlemania the referee goes down, in this case due to another spin kick from Savio. DiBiase slips in the Million Dollar Belt to Austin who clocks Savio with it twice to knock out him cold. Then in something I’ve never seen before, Austin wins with a reverse chinlock. Yes as in the mother of all rest holds. Savio is out so the match is over. Wow indeed. Only at Wrestlemania baby!

Rating: B-. This was a good match actually despite the idiocy of the whole Piper thing. Austin was great back in the day and when he wasn’t hanging out with various other morons so was Savio. This was a good match although they would go on to do some better stuff. Or maybe that had already happened. Yeah it had so this was the finale.

More Piper stuff as Vince says this is familiar.

We recap the whole mind games thing between Taker and Diesel. I think I have Diesel in their match tonight.

Another shot of the cars. Is there a point to this at all? Is it supposed to be tongue in cheek or something?

HHH vs. Ultimate Warrior

This is Warrior’s big return. HHH debuts some new chick named Sable. He’s rather new also here and the difference in size between then and recently is amazing. Warrior is allegedly 400lbs and bald according to Lawler, which shocks Vince. You know a lot of his lines are far funnier knowing what we know now. Naturally he looks like his old self. The fans react….I think. Vince wants you to believe the roof just got blown off but it’s simply not there.

HHH jumps him to start and I can’t believe how quiet the fans are here. I mean it’s eerie. Pedigree hits maybe 40 seconds in and Warrior beats him to his feet. Warrior hammers away and the slam and splash end this in maybe a minute and a half. He would be gone by late summer.
Wildman Marc Mero, the former Johnny B. Badd debuts here which caused a ton of jokes at his expense in WCW. In exchange he wound up getting the Intercontinental Title and the biggest pushes of his career. HHH comes up to glare at him and Sable stands by. They brawl for a bit and that’s about it.

Piper is on his way back here.

Undertaker vs. Diesel

No backstory given but that’s why I have a job here. Both guys had cost each other the title at back to back PPVs including the famous shot of Diesel being pulled under the ring by Taker during a match against Bret in a cage. Taker played a ton of mind games and this is the result. This isn’t quite a co-main event but it’s the other big match on the card for sure. Diesel is freshly heel here.

From everything I can find this is their first and only one on one match too. That makes sense as Diesel was gone in less than two months and was in WCW for the next five years. Once he got to WWE again he was in the NWO and never feuded with Taker. Once he was out he was on Raw and then Nash left for TNA. I will never get tired of Undertaker’s entrance. It’s simply awesome on so many levels.

They go at it from the opening bell and the crowd noticeably dies as soon as it rings. That’s rather odd. Taker goes onto offense and the fans cheer a bit so they’re definitely into this. They head to the floor and Taker hammers away with those uppercuts. I remember a friend of mine back in the day said Taker definitely couldn’t have had a boxing background. Methinks the punches he throws suggest otherwise.

Taker wants the Tombstone about two minutes in but it’s countered. Nash is moving out there which is very weird to see indeed. Taker with a cross body (???) for two. Old School can’t take Diesel down. The jumping clothesline misses as Diesel uses his training as Super Shredder in TMNT 2 to duck out of the way. Taker gets another uppercut to put Diesel on the floor. A chair shot misses and here comes Big Daddy Cool.

Diesel won’t let Taker get back in. It’s weird to see Nash with so much energy like this. Big boot puts Taker down. Side Slam gets two. Not quite as pretty as his usual ones but still a decent one. Diesel beats on him with his slow and methodical stuff but it’s not boring. Some guys just have a slower pace than others and Nash is one of them. Taker fights back a bit and both guys hit big boots. That was kind of cool.

Taker sits up to a big reaction. Diesel beats Taker to his feet and slaps on a bear hug. He isn’t CM Punk though so he’s not going to get a submission. Taker breaks the hold and it’s off to a headlock? A suplex gets Taker out of it and both guys are down for a bit again. Top rope clothesline and a good one gets two for Taker. He sends Diesel in and like an IDIOT, puts his head down and there’s the Jackknife.

And also like an IDIOT, Diesel doesn’t cover him. He just stands over Taker who isn’t moving an inch. Taker sits up so Diesel gives him another powerbomb. Diesel FINALLY goes for a cover but Taker grabs him by the throat. He must have waited for 40 seconds after that Jackknife so he deserves it. Diesel fights out of the grip twice but can’t do it a third time. He gets a suplex to get out of the choke but Taker sits up. Flying clothesline sets up the Chokeslam which sets up the Tombstone to make Taker 5-0.

Rating: B. This was good stuff and definitely Taker’s best Mania match to date and his best until Mania X7 against HHH. Also this made the Streak seem like it meant something as Diesel had been world champion for almost a year. Power vs. power rarely works and battles of the giants are usually bad but this was one of the best ones I’ve ever seen. Good stuff indeed.

Post match we get the at the time famous shot of Diesel laying on the mat completely unconscious.

Piper and Goldust are back so it’s time for the ending of the Brawl. Both cars get back and Piper parks right next to Goldust so the driver’s door can’t open. Good thing he was already out and into the arena. Roddy drops about 5 F Bombs as he’s looking for Goldie. They head into the arena and the fight is on. Actually Goldust backing away while Piper stalks him with a belt is on but you get the concept

They go into the ring and Piper hammers away. Officially this is still a match I guess. Screw the whole formatting thing as I guess you could call this the longest match in PPV history. Goldust takes over in the ring as he’s an active wrestler and therefore likely in better shape. Piper’s shirt comes off and Goldie chokes away.

Roddy gets back up and the crowd pops a bit for it. Goldust tries to kiss him and Piper fights back. Goldie goes up but Piper crotches him. And then Goldust kisses Piper. Oh you know it’s on now. Piper grabs him by the balls (does that mean he liked the kiss?) and slaps Goldust around a bit. Off come the clothes and Goldust has S&M stuff on. Piper kisses Goldust. Ok so in other words, he’s kissed him, groped his balls and spanked him. Sweet goodness indeed. Goldust leaves and I guess Piper is the winner. Sadly this gets the biggest pop of the night so far.

We recap the Bret vs. Shawn…feud I guess you’d call it. They’re both faces here but the idea is that Shawn has finally gotten to this point after working his entire life to get here. On the other hand you have Bret who is the best in the world and has been for a good while. It’s pretty clear that Shawn is going to win but the idea is to give a classic on the way.

Now this match has gotten a very argued opinion from the staff as some of us say it’s great and some of us say it’s very overrated. I like the match but let’s see how well it holds up. Both guys say nothing of note at all.

Gorilla Monsoon finally gets the roll he was born for: President of the WWF. That fits perfectly even though he rarely did anything.lding up the Iron Man Match and Shawn’s rise to the main event as a face. Nothing special here.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

We open with a rather good start as Shawn makes one of the most famous entrances of all time, riding down from the rafters on a zipline. That’s definitely one of his most famous moments and is still cool to this day. Bret’s entrance of walking through the curtain is a bit of a letdown by comparison. I like the basic fireworks Bret would get. Simple yet effective.

Hebner gives the instructions to both guys and you have to wonder if he can hear Bret tap already. They’re really playing this up as epic. It’s most decisions in an hour as you know but you can win a decision by count-out or DQ. So could the title change on a DQ only? I’d love to see them do that in a world title match. They used that as a loophole for 2/3 fall matches before.

There’s the bell and we’re off. Jerry says if Bret wins the first decision he’ll win while Vince says that’ll go either way. They hit the mat for a bit and we reach the issue here: you can more or less take a 57 minute nap and you’ll not miss the ending of the match. That’s why you don’t see these on TV. Bret gets a headlock as we get to our first rest hold/time killer of the match. I don’t think calling it a rest hold is fair as both guys have great cardio.

Jerry gets on Vince for being an idiot when he says there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Preach it King. There’s a nice idea here of Bret wanting to wear Shawn down so he can beat him while Shawn is looking for a fast win and then go from there. Nice little contrast of styles there. Back down to the headlock as they sped things up for a bit.

They’re going slowly here for the most part but to be fair they’re conserving energy so it’s understandable. We get into an interesting debate here: which of these two is stronger? Jerry explains how much a hold like a headlock can take out of you. In other words, he’s using his experience in the ring to give an explanation of what we’re seeing. Almost like he’s analyzing it. What a novel idea!

Shawn works on the arm which is as good as anything else I guess. Stu Hart, Bret’s dad, is at ringside sitting next to Freddie Blassie. Jerry asks if Helen (Bret’s Mom) is here. He thinks it’s unlikely since she went shopping today and went to an antique store and they kept her. That got a chuckle if nothing else. Bret starts hammering away in the corner so Shawn speeds things up to send Bret to the floor.

The idea here is that Shawn is wrestling a very conservative and slower paced match to throw Bret off his game. That’s psychology again there people. Shawn works the arm but Bret throws him over. He skins the cat though and drives Bret down with an armbar again. We’re a little under 12 minutes in at this point.

Shawn goes back to the arm as we waste even more time than we usually do if you can believe that. Jerry suggests that maybe Bret should submit to get out of this armbar but says that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Bret gets up and gets a modified almost spinebuster to put Shawn down and wants the Sharpshooter but Shawn counters.

A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor but Bret doesn’t want a countout. Bret is sent into the post and at 15 minutes into the match Shawn kicks the timekeeper’s head off! That looked great and he is DEAD. Back into the ring and Bret gets the chinlock again. The timekeeper is taken out on a stretcher. Bret yells at Hebner to check Shawn because it’s not a staring contest.

This is getting really boring really fast as these rest holds are going on for like two or three minutes at a time. This particular one is about two and a half. Shawn comes back with a clothesline but his neck hurts and he can’t follow up. Bret gets one of his own and down goes Shawn. Vince goes into a speech about how awesome the WWF and Wrestlemania is while we’re in ANOTHER chinlock. It’s always cool to hear Vince talk about how great wrestling is as his love really comes out in his voice.

O’Connor Roll is blocked and Shawn gets a dropkick to go back to the armbar. Twenty minutes in now and of course we’re still in a hold. Shawn rams some knees into the arm and shoulder. He gets a wristlock on using his arms for leverage which results in Bret’s face being shoved into Shawn’s boot which looks cool. Vince talks about Jerry’s Kiss My Foot match with Bret which was always kind of funny.

Bret tries to reverse but gets rammed into the post. Shawn drops an F Bomb at a camera in his face. A shoulderbreaker has Bret reeling and is followed up by a double axe to the shoulder. Hammerlock slam as Shawn channels his inner Anderson. The shoulder goes into the buckle a few times as this is still very slow paced.

Twenty five minutes in and it’s still arm work. Bret hammers away but Shawn gets a DDT on the arm and hooks a cross armbreaker to kill the crowd again. Before the hold was on Vince suggested that Bret should submit. Why? It’s not like there’s a rest period or at least there isn’t one announced. Bret punches out of it and gets a second rope Stun Gun to break the hold.

Slingshot and Shawn “hits” the post. That gets two for Bret whose arm is kind of hanging there. So much for that as Shawn rams him into the buckle to take over again. Bret fights back again and there’s a bulldog. He goes up though and takes way too much time. I think they botch something as Bret grabs Shawn’s hair and rides him down kind of like a bulldog but with the knee in his back. The referee goes down in the collision which I don’t think was intentional. Thirty minutes even left and the referee is up in maybe 20 seconds so yeah that was unintentional.

Shawn gets a powerslam for two. Bret’s arm is magically better somehow. What a shock: Shawn does a ton of work and Bret makes it look like nothing. Bret gets a Piledriver for two. He goes up again and Shawn catches him one more time. Shawn starts drilling Bret, possibly out of anger for the total lack of selling.

Sweet Chin Music is ducked and Bret hits the floor for a bit. Shawn is like screw that and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take him down. That’s the first big spot of the match and the crowd definitely reacted to it. Shawn goes up and hits a cross body but Bret rolls through for two. The fans are staying into it. Small package gets two for Shawn as they’re definitely picking things up here.

Perfectplex gets two for Shawn. Twenty five minutes left. Shawn gets a sleeper on which is a smart move. That gets broken up and Bret goes into the corner. Now we get the momentum changer of the night as Shawn gets backdropped over the corner and wipes out a cameraman with the only visual we see being Shawn flipping over his head.

Shawn gets rammed into the post on the floor and is reeling badly. Bret drops an elbow into the back. Backbreaker hits as we have 20 minutes left. This is getting close. Bret gets a Banzai Drop down onto Shawn’s back in an oddly cool move. In another cool spot Shawn does his flip in the corner and sits on the top so Bret runs up and does a belly to back off the top for two. Crowd is getting into these kickouts now.

Chinlock by Bret as we need to kill off more time. Shawn gets a sunset flip out of nowhere for two. They kind of just fill time in for a few minutes with nothing special going on. Russian leg sweep gets two. Shawn gets whipped over the corner and over the top, kicking Jose in the head as he goes down. That can’t be good. Is there a pile of dust anywhere? Bret whips Shawn into the railing and Jose goes down again! This is getting awesome!

Fifteen minutes left now. Belly to belly gets two. All Bret here. We finally get an answer about what the Sharpshooter hurts: the back. Shawn gets all ticked off and throws big bombs but Bret gets a shot to the back to take him down. Bret sets for a suicide dive on the floor and it looks rather stupid as Shawn has to stand up in a hurry to get hit by it.

Bret is willing to take a countout. He changes his mind though as he’s not quite ready to turn to the dark side. German suplex gets two as the crowd is getting into this. Shawn tries to fight from his knees so Bret KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. Freaking ow man! Back to the chinlock now with ten minutes left.

Nine minutes left and we’re still in the chinlock. Shawn fights it off with 8 minutes left. Shawn hammers him about the head and shoulders with seven minutes left. They’re moving VERY slowly. BIG superplex gets no cover as Bret wants the Sharpshooter instead of the relatively easy pin. Shawn is crawling away as Bret holds the foot with 6 minutes left.

Half crab is on for a bit. Backbreaker hits as we have five minutes left. Bret does the I HATE THIS SO MUCH spot as he jumps into a boot. Shawn hits a dropkick to send Bret into the corner. Bret’s chest eats buckle as Shawn can barely move. Four minutes left with both guys down. Forearm and nipup (camera missed it) and Shawn is all fired up.

Jumping back elbow to Bret. Jerry: Shawn Michaels has just gotten his 19th wind! Spinning double axe off the middle rope with three minutes left. Suplex sets up the big elbow for two. Gutwrench sitout powerbomb gets no cover with two minutes left. Moonsault press gets two. 90 seconds left. Kind of a botched rana off the top gets two.

Shawn slams him but collapses with a minute left. He goes to the top but Bret gets up. A dropkick misses though and Bret locks on the Sharpshooter with 33 seconds left! What a shock that it’s tied up and Bret finally gets his hold on with 33 seconds left! Shawn doesn’t give up as the time runs out and Bret collapses. Shawn is DEAD.

Gorilla gets into the ring as Bret is handed the title. Bret walks out and then the Fink says that it’s not over yet by orders of Gorilla. It’s sudden death! Bret is MAD and asks a very good question: why? Why should Shawn get another chance? The ruling was that there would be a 60 minute time limit and Bret survived that. This actually wasn’t fair to Bret at all.

There’s the bell and Bret goes off on Shawn. Jerry and Vince agree Bret is going to have to pin Shawn. Bret whips him into the corner and in one of my all time biggest mark out moments, Shawn grabs the ropes and vaults up, landing behind Bret and kicking Bret’s head off with Sweet Chin Music. The crowd pops and when I was watching live I JUMPED off my couch. Bret staggers up and Shawn kills him dead with another superkick to win his first and by far most famous world title.

Rating: B. Ok now this is going to draw some issues, but this match is not the masterpiece it’s built up to be for multiple reasons. First and foremost, WAY too many rest holds. There are two ways you could make this better. First, make it 30 minutes. Second: drop the Iron Man aspect. Imagine if those near falls were at one fall to a finish. This would have been otherworldly.

Bret’s lack of selling also kills this match badly. His arm was perfectly fine about 40 seconds after Shawn stopped working on it, making that whole 25 minutes TOTALLY POINTLESS. It’s certainly a good match, but this needs to lose about 20-30 or even more than that minutes to work as well as it could.

Finally, this isn’t even the best iron man match the company has ever had, at least not in the same universe as Rock vs. HHH. The reason that was better is simply that you had a reason to keep watching. Here it’s way too dull with the rest holds and the sitting around for so long. Good match, but definitely not a classic or even great for that matter.

At first he’s very reserved and stunned, but then Shawn celebrates like crazy to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Looking back, there’s really very little to this show. You have an overly long six man, a non match, a squash, a midcard match that went nowhere, a solid match, and a main event that was 40 minutes too long. That adds up to very little in my eyes. Check out the last 20 minutes of the Iron Man, the Taker/Diesel match and if you’re bored the first half of Piper/Goldust. There’s just nothing special here.

Wrestlemania 11
Date: April 2, 1995
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,305
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
America the Beautiful: Kathy Huey

Oh goodness, we did have to get to this eventually didn’t we? If you remember my review of WM 9 being the worst WM ever, I should have said it would be the worst for the next two years. This show is one of the most interesting in wrestling history from a reaction standpoint. From the fans’ perspective, this show is what’s played on a constant loop in the seventh circle of purgatory, minus the WWF Title match.

The number one issue I have right off the bat with this is that it’s from Hartford, Connecticut. Seriously, HARTFORD??? Wrestlemania has broadcast from New York, LA, Chicago, Toronto, Las Vegas, and now HARTFORD? It just doesn’t sound right. Another factor here is that there’s a whopping total of 7 matches. What’s the main event you ask?

Would it be Shawn Michaels getting his first WWF Title match since becoming a main eventer against his former bodyguard Diesel? Nope. We get Bam Bam Bigelow who was wrestling a clown last year against Lawrence Taylor, a former football player and current contestant on Dancing With The Stars. The sad thing is, I’m not making this up. The weird thing though is, this show allegedly brought the WWF back into the war with WCW.

The ratings were decent and it got the company the main stream exposure it’s looking for. Think of it like the modern day TNA: the hardcore wrestling fans like us mostly hate it, but the common fans eat it up. Go figure. Anyway, let’s get on with this so I can look for a hammer to apply to my head.

The opening video is about various Manias through the years which tends to be a theme in these opening videos.

Your celebrities this year are Pamela Anderson (actual celebrity), Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Randy on Home Improvement. Another child star that did nothing.), Jenny McCarthy (Mini-celebrity now, she was at the last SNME so points for that I guess), some guy from NYPD Blue, and Salt N Peppa, who hit on Bret Hart which just looks ridiculous. A special Olympian sings America the Beautiful, and it’s time for our first match.

Ok not quite yet as we get a very interesting chat from Vince and Jerry about what Wrestlemania is.  You don’t get to hear that much from Vince.  It’s short and sweet but it got the point across just fine.  NOW on to the match.

Lex Luger/British Bulldog vs. The Blu Brothers

No that’s not a typo, it’s spelled Blu. These guys have the gimmick of being two incredibly hick brothers from the mountains. You know them better as D.O.A., the Harris Brothers, or those two big white bald guys that are in every promotion on the planet. My goodness how far has Lex fallen in a year? He’s going after the WWF Title and next year is curtain jerking in a tag match?

The twins are named Jacob and Eli in case you were so bored you were actually wondering. Lex and Davey go by the name the Allied Powers. That delayed vertical suplex by Davey never gets old. It’s nothing short of amazing. Definitely like the fact that Bulldog’s tights are about 3 sizes too small.  Oh yeah we have a match to get to.

For some reason the Brothers come down second.  The Brothers try to jump them which winds up in a pair of powerslams for them.  Note that this is just a powerslam and not The Powerslam by Bulldog so it’s just a normal match.  Bulldog is in trouble early on as the power of evil double teaming has him hurting.

A double big boot puts Bulldog down as Luger is just worthless on the apron here.  The fans aren’t incredibly impressed.  Jerry says that Bulldog has only lost once at Mania which isn’t true as he lost at both #3 and #4.  Luger comes in and the fans pop just slightly.  I guess the jump back to WCW was the right move indeed.  Another powerslam gets no cover.

The loaded forearm gets two as the other twin makes the save.  Uncle Zebekiah gets drilled and it’s Twin Magic time.  One twin goes for a powerbomb/Piledriver but Luger makes a blind tag, allowing the Bulldog to hit a top rope sunset flip for the pin, prompting a fireworks display to go off.

Rating: D. Not bad, but just there. It’s nothing special at all and I’m not sure how many people really cared.  The crowd was about as dead as I’ve ever heard for a Mania opener, and that’s including The Executioner vs. Santana back in 85.  Wow I feel old for writing that.  Anyway this was pretty bad and could have been on any Superstars show back in the day.

Jim Ross talks to the Uncle who says this is what they deserved for being in the big city.  They pinned the wrong guy and that’s not the last you’ll see of the twins.

The NYPD Blue guy is with the Million Dollar Team (DiBiase’s stable of mostly jobbers) when he’s supposed to be in the dressing room of Pam Anderson but the mic doesn’t work. As an aside, during the show Lawler accidentally knocked some cords loose and he and Vince had to redo the entire commentary on the show from watching video. Due to that, the commentary you’ll hear on these matches isn’t live at all.

Lawler describes football as a game where eleven men spend hours trying to move a small object 100 yards, which is just like the post office.  What that has to do with this is beyond me but it sounded good at the time.  Oh it’s about the NFL guys here for the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

No real story here other than they’re feuding for no apparent reason. Jarrett is in his country music gimmick here and even the Fink sounds bored out of his mind here. Jarrett won the title at the Rumble thanks to the Roadie (Road Dogg in case you didn’t know that) interfering. 1-2-3 Kid and Ramon are in the back and say that Ramon is ready.

Razor was so over back then it’s insane. Vince makes a weird comment saying that Ramon knows where he is at all times. Not sure why that’s a compliment. Don’t most people know where they’re located? It’s either a Vince line or a rib that 3 people get.  Razor is all over Jarrett to start this off.  Jarrett hits the floor and Razor gets to shoot off his pyro.  He gets about three covers in the first 2 minutes, all off punches.

Double J may have hurt his tooth.  Rollup gets two for Razor.  Roadie saves Jarrett from the Razor’s Edge and Jarrett tries to leave but the Kid is waiting in the aisle to stop that. Five minutes in and JJ’s biggest move has been a hard Irish whip. You know for all of his detractors, Jarrett can wrestle quite well. I’ve always wondered why he didn’t get the recognition as a star that he deserved.

Jarrett tries to get on offense but can’t get anything long term going at all.  He gets thrown to the floor again as the crowd dies all over again.  Jeff gets some dropkicks in and here comes the guy from Tennessee.  We hit the chinlock and the fans get going a bit.  At least it’s a fast one as Razor gets a backslide for two.  Sleeper goes on Razor and again it lasts just a few seconds.  Oh hey here’s another chinlock to keep us interested.

This match just isn’t flowing. It’s like they’re working move to move and it’s showing badly. In a really stupid looking sequence, they both hit the ropes and hit head to head. Then they get up and hit the ropes again and both punch each other. It’s more or less the same spot twice in a row. Just looked stupid. This referee is counting ridiculously fast too.

Fallaway slam gets two.  Discus punch gets Jeff down.  Can Razor do anything else besides punch and go for the Edge?  Razor hurts his knee going for a top rope bulldog, which is the same knee that was hurt THREE MONTHS AGO at the Rumble. Of course it’s still sore. Why wouldn’t it be?

Figure four by Jarrett as the Roadie pulls on Jarrett’s arms for more leverage. I’ve always wondered about that. How does it make it hurt more? I love how Razor’s knee is hurt badly, yet he can pick a 230lb man up, sit him on the top rope and belly to back suplex him from it without his knee giving out.

He gets him up for the Razor’s Edge but Roadie chop blocks him for the DQ. Post match, all four men brawl. JR asks Jarrett about his cheating and Jarrett says he’ll always be the IC Champion. If by always he means until he jumps to WCW and then back to the WWF, loses to Chyna after being hit by a fish and then is banned from the company because Austin hated him, they yes he’ll always be champion.

Rating: D+. This was WAY too many punches and rest holds. These two have had far better matches before, such as at the Rumble. Razor probably had 90% of his offense from throwing punches.  Jarrett wasn’t anywhere nearly as serious as he should have been at this point and that change wouldn’t come for many years.  Definitely a weak match from them.

Since there was no audio earlier, let’s redo the exact movements from the interview earlier on. Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be found. Shawn and Sid say that Diesel is afraid.

Todd Pettingil gets in a 3 point stance with a football player and that’s all there is to this pointless bit.

The Undertaker vs. King Kong Bundy

This is the result of a mini feud with DiBiase and Kama over the Urn being stolen for about the 12^th time.  A baseball umpire is refereeing the match for no apparent reason.  Bundy charges straight at him to start but that gets him nowhere.  Old School can’t take him down.  A bunch of clotheslines finally put the bald man down.

Bundy knocks him to the floor and Taker gets the Urn back.  Now of course Bundy is in big trouble as Taker is all ticked off.  Here’s Kama (Godfather) to steal it back again.  This is going as fast as I’m typing it so it’s not like I’m skipping over a ton of stuff.  Taker grabs Kama’s face but Bundy makes the save and Kama escapes.

Ross grabs an interview with Kama who says he’s going to melt it down and make a chain out of it and put it around his neck, which he wound up doing.  Bundy chokes away in the corner, showing off his vast array of offensive talents.  This referee is rather bad at counting.  Bearer plays cheerleader to try to get Taker out of a chinlock.  Avalanche hits in the corner but Taker is no Special Delivery Jones so it has no effect.  A slam and the jumping clothesline of all things end this.

Rating: F+. Oh man this was bad.  Taker was completely lacking direction at this point and it was painfully obvious that they had no clue what to do with him.  He would feud with Kama for a bit before feuding with King Mabel for a bit until FINALLY Mankind debuted to give Taker something to do long term.  Terrible match.

Oh look, the NYPD Blue guy still can’t find Pamela Anderson.  Steve McMichael says he’ll take down Kama.  The rest of the All-Pro Team says they’ll take care of the Million Dollar Team.  The NYPD Blue guy does find Jonathan Taylor Thomas beating Bob Backlund at chess though.  I never thought I’d have to type that.  Backlund’s rant about the world being screwed up is hilarious.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Owen Hart/???

Owen has a mystery partner here. The Smoking Gunns are a great example of the failure of tag wrestling during this time period. They were definitely talented, but absolutely no one cared about them. They’re practically forgotten but were one of the most successful tag teams from this time frame.

As you probably know, the partner is Yokozuna.  Oddly enough the partner comes out before the Guns, the champions, do.  This is of course about Bret somehow because Owen is completely obsessed with Bret.  Yoko weighs a few tons by this point and is straight up waddling to the ring.  The Gunns say they don’t care who the partner is.  Billy with a mullet and a mustache is freaky looking.

More fireworks for the champions here.  What’s with that tonight for the tag teams?  Owen and Billy start us off.  That’s the most talented combination out there I guess.  Apparently Owen and Neidhart were eliminated from the tag tournament to determine the #1 contenders so this is a result of that.  The Gunns work on the arm of Owen to start which lasts only a few seconds as it’s off to Yoko.

The leg drop misses and Yoko takes over again.  And never mind as it’s back to Owen again.  Cornette is yelling at the fans which is one of the more entertaining parts of the show.  Double Russian legsweep to the Canadian by the American cowboys.  Yoko gets sent to the floor as we’re in the Colossal Connection formula here: Owen does the vast majority of the work while Yoko is brought in as the heavy hitter.

Apparently Men on a Mission have turned heel on the Gunns.  Riveting indeed and unfortunately it set up King Mabel.  The Gunns hit a modified Sidewinder (side slam/legdrop combination) for two on Owen.  Yoko comes in and gets the legdrop on the back of Billy’s head to more or less kill him.  I’m surprised Yoko has been in the ring this long.

LONG nerve hold by Yoko on Billy to waste a lot of time.  Yoko misses a legdrop and Bart comes in.  Everything breaks down and Billy gets killed by a belly to belly from the fat man.  Banzai Drop ends Billy and Owen gets the pin for the title, which might be his first in the company if that’s possible.

Rating: D+. Eh just a tag match here.  The Gunns were boring beyond belief and Yoko was so fat that he could barely move at all.  This was simply to have a title switch on the show much like the first show in the series.  Boring match and somehow the best one so far I think if that’s possible.

Bigelow says he’ll destroy Lawrence Taylor.  There was a Mania Work Out and they had a skirmish there too.  This feud never really got going for me but the media actually paid attention so there’s that I guess.  This interview takes forever and nothing special is said at all.

Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

This is an I Quit match with Roddy Piper as referee for no apparent reason.  Vince says Roddy knows something about submission.  What in the world would that be anyway?  This was their second submission match technically as the other was a throw in the towel match that had to end in submission if I remember right.  Piper would be Commissioner by the next Mania.

Backlund is more or less crazy here which was rather impressive given how completely different he used to be back in his glory days.  I’m still mad about not getting Bret’s glasses when I was a kid.  The annoying kid next to me got them.  I did however get a Slaughter helmet.  Bret gets a headbutt to start and the fight is on.  Sharpshooter can’t go on early.

Vince doesn’t remember Piper losing to Bret at Mania 8.  Some fan he is.  Bret goes for the Sharpshooter again and can’t get it.  You couldn’t tell that from Vince as he keeps changing his reaction every five seconds.  “Yes!  No.  Yes!  No.”  Is he the Zodiac or something?  Figure Four goes on but Backlund reverses it.  Neither guy says they quit as we get a quick check-in with the German commentators for no apparent reason.

Bret works the knee again as this is rather boring.  Piper needs to quit asking them if they quit so often.  Backlund works on the arm as I try to find a good novel to read so I don’t have to watch this for awhile.  Backlund hooks a Fujiwara armbar and Bret says No to Piper.  That was a shocking line then apparently which is amusing given that in an I Quit match in 99 with HHH vs. Rock, HHH said Suck It when he was asked if he quit.

Backlund likes that armbar.  Jerry talks about breaking into a pyramid (what the heck?) and seeing a picture of Stu Hart with a headlock on King Tut (where does he get these jokes from?).  Sharpshooter almost goes on but Backlund gets to the ropes before it gets cinched in.  Bret charges again and his shoulder hits the post to put him in real trouble.

There’s the Crossface Chickenwing and Bret is in trouble.  And never mind as he casually reverses and gets a horrible version of it on Backlund for the submission.  You know, from all that devastating work that he did on Backlund’s arm the whole time.  This was an awful match if you didn’t get it.

Rating: F+. This was really bad. Backlund was just flat out too old to be a serious main event threat by this point and while Bret was sharp as ever, Bob just didn’t have it in him anymore. Bret has called it the worst match of his career and he might be right. Backlund’s I saw the Light thing led to an angle where he would run for President of all things. As you can guess, it went nowhere.  Also, having a Bret match lack any and all psychology is very weird indeed.

Backlund is leaving and says he saw the light.  This would mean he became a Presidential candidate.

Ok, the NYPD guy was annoying at first. Now he’s just making me mad. NO ONE CARES.  They’re changing the celebrities around.

More audio issues as Todd tries to talk to Diesel. He finally says that he’s going to keep the title. He slips up when he’s trying to say if he’s going to regain or retain the title and finally screams HOLD ONTO IT. This was back when Nash was actually really good and got the reputation he’s lived off for years now.

Celebrities are introduced as Jerry Lawler reveals he accidentally unplugged some cords.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel

The deal was supposed to be McCarthy came out with Diesel and Anderson, who was viewed as ten times hotter and more important than McCarthy (nonsense) would come out with the Rumble winner, Shawn. For obvious reasons, this got reversed. The NYPD Blue guy is the ring announcer and he’s miles better at this than he is as an interviewer. He shouts almost everything he says and for the sake of this, it works really well.

The story here is Diesel was Shawn’s bodyguard but realized he was awesome on his own so he turned face and won the WWF Title. Sid replaced him as the bodyguard and the exact same thing would happen in about a year. Shawn has finally morphed into the character that would make him a legend by this point.  As weird as this sounds, Diesel is a freaking beast at this point. Sweet intro, the music was cool, he has Pamela Anderson, just the complete look. What in the world happened to that?    Anderson simply couldn’t want to be here less if her life depended on it.

Shawn hammers away to start as we’re already into the power vs. speed area.  Diesel had been champion since a few days after Survivor Series so he had almost 7 more months with the title here.  Diesel sends Shawn to the floor as we look at the ladies.  Sid distracts the referee but Shawn can’t get in a shot on Diesel.  Suplex puts Shawn down.

Back to the floor again as Sid and Diesel stare each other down one more time.  Diesel counters a sunset flip as this is more or less one sided so far.  Nash gets sent to the floor but Shawn Skins the Cat and dives down to crush Diesel.  Baseball slide has the champion in trouble.  We look at Anderson again and sweet goodness does she want to be anywhere else but here.

The fans loudly chant for Sid, thus proving that this entire match is booked wrong.  Shawn hits a splash off the apron to the floor as Diesel is in trouble.  Back in the ring Shawn stomps away and hits a bulldog for two.  I’ve never liked that move at all.  Reverse cross body off the middle rope gets two again.  Shawn works on the arm and gets a LET’S GO SHAWN chant in his honor.

Ok make that he’s working on Diesel’s ribs.  A top rope elbow to the back gets two in what is for some reason a highlight reel clip for Shawn.  Never really have gotten why but it certainly is.  Off to the chinlock now as the fans still like Shawn better.  Diesel fights back and gets Snake Eyes to get some momentum going.  Flair Flip in the corner and Shawn hits the floor again.

Nash follows and it’s time to see Shawn’s tights pulled down as is the tradition for big matches he’s in for no apparent reason.  They slug it out on the floor and the referee twists his ankle getting down.  I guess it wasn’t an Attitude Era thing.  Back in the ring Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music but there’s no referee which would be a factor in Shawn’s reasoning as to why he lost.

It gets two and the fans boo loudly on the kickout.  Sid goes to an old school heel move and rips off the turnbuckle pad.  Diesel gets a suplex to avoid being rammed into it and both guys are down.  Shawn gets an arm over him for a long two as the fans aren’t seeming to care much here.

In a slick counter, Diesel catches a bulldog off the middle rope in a side slam.  Nice move.  Shawn circles Diesel but gets his legs tripped from under him.  Diesel goes old school with a slingshot into the exposed buckle.  If only that had actually been where he landed, as Shawn’s head hit the middle buckle instead of the top one.  Big boot and Jackknife end this anyway.

Rating: B. As you can tell, I really like this match. It’s not famous at all but it’s definitely solid all around. There was a story with the ribs, a controversy that would lead to rematches and a clean ending. The match also got enough time to put on something decent and it showed. Shawn was clearly coming into his own but still wanted to prove himself. Solid effort all around and a very good match.  These two had some of the most forgotten great matches of all time and this is one of them for sure.

Shawn and Sid complain to Ross and say it’s not over, which it wasn’t.  The celebrities celebrate with Diesel forever and Nash gets both chicks.

Shawn complains even more in the back.

Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

If you have never seen a person die and you want to…actually if you want to I’d recommend psychiatric help. But anyway, right here you’re about to see a man’s career die right in front of your eyes.

Here it is. Let it be known throughout the universe and all the world, that the reason that WM 11 is called the worst WM of all time is this match and this angle right here. Here’s the idea: for those of you that don’t know, LT is one of the best football players of all time, bar none. He was at the Royal Rumble in the front row and Bigelow shoved him, leading to this.

Instead of the WWF Title being on the line in the main event of the biggest show of the year, we get a retired football player against a barely upper midcarder that was about 8 years past his prime. Do I even need to explain why this was a bad idea? Each man has a group of 5 supporters at ringside so it’s more or less a lumberjack match.  Their entrances take the greater part of forever.  Oh and Salt N Peppa sing LT to the ring.

Pat Patterson of all people is the referee.  There are so many jokes I could make about that I don’t know where to start.  This is by far and away the main event of the show which still makes my head shake.  I used to complain that Lawrence couldn’t wrestle but that was the point I think: he wasn’t supposed to be able to wrestle but rather be able to fight.

Diesel had been showing him some stuff apparently.  The bell hasn’t rung yet so we’re just hanging around and waiting to start.  Patterson wants a handshake but Lawrence slaps Bigelow instead and it’s on.  Taylor likes to throw forearms which makes sense as it’s a basic strike.  Taylor sends him to the floor with Bigelow doing the majority of the work to get himself over the top.

Bigelow misses a corner splash and Taylor gets a belly to back for two.  More forearms which keep working so naturally he keeps going with them.  Taylor gets in the face of the Million Dollar Team as we’re still waiting on the big brawl between the guys on the floor.  Lawrence gets caught on his way back in and now we get into the main part of the match.

They’re going very slow which is understandable here.  Falling headbutt misses Taylor but he can’t capitalize and Bigelow takes over again.  Boston Crab goes on which shifts into a sloppy half crab instead.  Ok now it’s shifted into more or less Bigelow pulling on Taylor’s leg.  This is a very different kind of match and not incredibly interesting.

The rope is finally grabbed and Taylor goes back to the forearms.  A suplex gets Taylor out of trouble for a bit and both guys are down.  Bigelow gets the advantage again and hits the Moonsault but hurts his knee, having to roll off.  He covers shortly thereafter and gets two to ZERO reaction.  I think the fans were confused or flat out didn’t care.  Either way it’s not a good sign.

LT gets a gutwrench suplex that is called a Jackknife for two.  Enziguri puts Taylor down again and this is really needing to end like now.  Top rope headbutt gets two and a tiny reaction.  Taylor makes his big comeback and hammers away with the forearms and now the crowd is getting into it.  In the big spot of the match, LT goes to the middle rope and hits a flying forearm to get the pin.  Taylor might have been hurt but he seems ok.  DiBiase rips into Bigelow post match, setting up his failure of a face turn.

Rating: D+. Well they tried.  I’ll give them that: they tried.  For the life of me I don’t get why this is what they closed the show with.  Well actually I do as it was certainly the biggest match, but it shouldn’t have been if that makes sense.  Taylor’s offense made sense as he kept at it with the forearms, but the match didn’t work for the most part.  Still though, not completely unwatchable but not incredibly good.

Overall Rating: F+. Yeah this show is still boring.  It feels more like an In Your House rather than what it should have been, which is the biggest show of the year.  Shawn vs. Diesel is good and that’s about it.  Everything else is completely forgettable to say the least and the main event is one of the biggest headscratchers of all time.

To give you an idea of how odd this show is, it runs less than two and a half hours.  Think about that.  Wrestlemania ran less than two and a half hours.  The show was shockingly well received though and it got a solid buyrate for the time.  It doesn’t hold up well at all and that’s what kills it.  95 simply wasn’t kind to PPV and this is probably the second worst show of the year, after Summerslam.  Bad show.

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 13, 1997
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Lowell, Massachusetts
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another special Raw show called Thursday Raw Thursday.  This was another special request and my first one through e-mail actually.  Anyway the idea here is that there’s either tennis or the stupid dog show on Monday so Raw is on Thursday this week.  Don’t ask me why they say the day twice but it’s Vince so I think that explains it.  This is famous for two reasons: Rock vs. HHH in a LONG match (for the time frame) and this is where Shawn lost his smile.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Shawn who is vacating the title, meaning that the winner of the Final Four this Sunday will be the new champion.  The opening video is about Sid vs. Shawn which was supposed to be the rubber match tonight.  Naturally they say Thursday Raw Thursday about a million times in between this.

Intercontinental Title: Rocky Maivia vs. HHH

 

HHH is champion here and Rocky is a glorified rookie.  Also tonight there’s Sid vs. Austin and Bret vs. Vader.  For no apparent reason Undertaker is fighting Savio.  This is live it seems.  It’s still Hunter Hearst Helmsley here so there’s no HHH name yet.  The curtseying future Game gets a hip block to start us off and is very confident.  They do some nice mat stuff which I’ve never seen before.  They have some leg locks and head scissors with impressive counters.  Cool stuff.

Off to a chinlock by HHH here but Rocky fights out and hits a dropkick to send him to the floor.  A charge misses and Rocky hits the post.  Back inside with HHH working on the arm.  Rocky fights up but HHH gets a single arm DDT for two.  Some chops hit in the corner as we take a break.  Back with HHH still in control and just going OFF on Rocky’s head with right hands.

Honky Tonk Man comes out for some reason.  He was looking for a protégé or something like that.  He wound up picking Billy Gunn who became Rock-A-Billy as one of the dumbest gimmicks of all time.  HHH has dominated the vast majority of this with a jumping knee to the head and then a sleeper.  Rocky tries to reverse into a sleeper of his own but gets rammed into the buckle.

Rocky starts his comeback with right hands (called a chop by Vince for no apparent reason).  Top rope cross body, more or less Rocky’s finisher, is rolled through by HHH for two.  Facebuster sets up a neckbreaker by HHH for a close two.  HHH is getting frustrated.  Piledriver gets two AGAIN as Vince and Jim can’t believe it.  Superplex gets two and no one knows what to think.

HHH sets for the Pedigree but Rocky can’t stand up long enough for it to go on.  Rocky falls flat on his face and is more or less dead.  Honky shouts ROLL HIM OVER!  HHH finally tries to do just that and gets rolled up by Rocky for the pin and the title in perhaps the biggest upset of all time up to that point.

Rating: B-. This was good but it’s really just Rocky hanging in there until the end for the one small package to win the title.  That being said, the resilience thing with HHH being all stuck up and not going for the kill when he could have makes this work more than it should.  Also it’s Rock vs. HHH so it’s hard not to like it at least a little bit.

Rocky cuts his best Boy Scout promo after the match, saying he’ll make his fans and family proud.

Ad for Final Four which was a great main event.

Here’s Sunny, poured into a little white dress.  Ah she’s ring announcer.

Headbangers vs. Bob Holly/Aldo Montoya

 

Montoya is more famous as Justin Credible.  We see some clips of some WWF guys on a country music show.  Road Dogg got to sing his song on there and Hillbilly Jim played some guitar.  Also there was a “match” with the Godwinns vs. Jarrett/the host.  Who thought this was a good idea for a match?  Mosh vs. Holly to start us off.  Holly doesn’t so much do things well as much as he doesn’t do things well.

In case you can’t get it, this is a terribly boring match.  It’s not that it’s bad but there’s no point to having it and yet it’s here anyway.  We’re talking about Shawn Michaels anyway which is far more interesting so that helps.  I mean really, does anyone want to watch these four guys have a match?  The announcers aren’t paying a bit of attention to this which I can’t blame them for at all.

The Headbangers hit a double Gordbuster on Holly as they take over.  Yeah I don’t care about this match at all either.  The idea is that Shawn might have to have reconstructive surgery.  In reality the knee was slightly injured but he could have gone without the surgery but that would have meant losing the title at Mania which he just wasn’t going to do.

We might have talked about this match for 20 seconds combined of four and a half minutes.  Thrasher misses a moonsault and it’s off to Montoya.  We’re talking about Brett Favre now.  I can’t escape this guy.  Finally the Headbangers win with a powerbomb/leg drop combination.  Sunny says Mosh and Thrash just won.  Even she wasn’t paying attention.

Rating: D. The match was ok I guess but at the same time this was one of those times where no one cared in the slightest and everyone knew it.  WWF in 97 was just bad at some points and this is one of them.  Who in the world thought this was something people would want to see?  Bad match, but now let’s get to something that matters.

Vince introduces Gorilla Monsoon who is going to accept the WWF Title from Shawn Michaels.  Shawn limps out and is very sad.  Here’s the basic idea: Shawn was supposed to return the favor to Bret and lose the title to him at Mania 13.  However Shawn didn’t really want to do that and “hurt his knee” and couldn’t do it.  He claimed the doctors said it could be career ending when it was really minor.  In short, Shawn didn’t want to lose so he forfeited the title and was back in the ring by May.  This is the famous Lost My Smile speech and not a lot of the guys in the back bought it to put it mildly.

Shawn gets all teary eyed and talks about his body being beaten up and all that jazz.  HUGE We Want Sid, the guy that might have been winning the title that night depending on who you ask.  No one has had to endure the schedule that Shawn had over the years etc.  This is rather sickening knowing what’s actually going on here.  Do I think he was hurt?  Yeah he was somewhat hurt but at the end of the day he was looking out for himself here far more than anyone else when Shawn as a heel could have worked very well but he was afraid of doing it.

He talks about how he’s not going to be around the title for a long time.  The doctors aren’t sure where his knee is and he may be beyond reconstructive surgery at this point.  Shawn talks about riding in leer jets and limousines as I have a feeling like I’ve heard this before.  You also have to remember that the WWF was in real trouble at this point and had it not been for Austin they would have been dead.  He hands the belt to Monsoon and says he’s going back home.  Shawn says that somewhere along the line he lost his smile.  Oh dear.

Overall my thought on this is Shawn knew what was really going on and he put his ego over the fans, the company, the title and the rest of his roster.  He had no problem taking all the benefits of being champion but didn’t want to do the harder parts of it (like losing) and that to me isn’t right.  The fans were mixed to put it mildly on this.  This would have been fine at its time, but given that he would be back before the summer kills any sympathy this would have had.

Savio Vega vs. Undertaker

 

Savio turned heel recently and joined the Nation.  Taker was feuding with them for lack of anything better to do.  He would win the title at Mania so it seems like he got noticed.  After a break we’re back with Taker destroying him.  The announcers talk about Bret vs. Vader but it’s not as bad as it was in the tag match.  Why in the world am I watching Savio Vega vs. the Undertaker?  Who thought this was a good idea?

Taker hits a big boot and stumbles back from it.  Leg drop gets two on Savio.  Not yet Old School hits as this is one sided for the most part.  There are still tickets available for the PPV in Chattanooga.  Savio gets a low blow and a set of clotheslines to get two.  The other members of the Nation interfere a bit as we’re waiting for Taker to end Savio.

The fans chant rest in peace.  My goodness how nice does it sound to be able to take a nap and let someone else do this?  Or just to not watch this at all?  Savio gets a spinwheel kick to put Taker down for two.  Since that’s his finisher the rest of the match is pretty predictable.  Taker is finally bored with all this and hits a chokeslam to end it.

Rating: D-. Oh dang it all this was boring.  Nothing at all was going on here and it never got interesting.  It’s nearly NINE MINUTES LONG.  Why in the world did this need nearly ten minutes?  It’s Undertaker vs. Savio Vega for crying out loud.  Boring match and one of the least interesting things I’ve seen in a good while.

Nation attacks, Ahmed saves, Nation lackeys are hurt.

Psycho Sid vs. Steve Austin

 

After Austin’s entrance, Gorilla says that the four guys have a golden opportunity on Sunday.  Sid will get his title shot and will get it against the winner of the Final Four match this coming Monday.  Sid would face Bret and win the title.  Sid was mad over to say the least.  Austin jumps Sid to start and the fight was on.  Jerry picks Austin to win the title on Sunday.

Austin kicks Sid low and does Sid’s taunts as this is a total battle from the bell.  Fans are TOTALLY behind Austin which is saying a lot considering how over Sid was at this point.  Austin sends him into the post and takes him down in the ring with an elbow.  This is pre-neck injury for Austin so he’s a completely different guy than the brawler he would become.  Abdominal stretch by Austin but Sid gets a sleeper.  And never mind as Austin suplexes him almost immediately.

Off to a front facelock so they can call some spots.  JR says it’ll be Austin as well on Sunday while Vince says it’ll be Sid.  You know, the guy that isn’t in the match Sunday?  Sid hammers him down and misses a legdrop so Austin tries a failed Sharpshooter.  Big boot takes Austin down and then Bret comes out to fight Austin and it’s a DQ win for Stone Cold.

Rating: C+. This was a brawl with the fans telling you a lot about what they wanted.  You had a crazy dude in Sid and Austin being the anti-authority figure that everyone wanted to see.  Thankfully Vince listened and everything turned out well in the end.  This was a fun brawl and that’s all it needed to be.

Bret and Sid fight while Austin laughs.

Vader stumbles through an interview where he says he’s beaten everyone in the Final Four match recently.

Lawler talks about sending his mom money for Valentine’s Day.  This is being written on the night Lawler faced Miz for the WWE Title at the Elimination Chamber where Lawler was talking about his mother passing away the previous week so that’s kind of sad to hear.

We replay part of the Shawn speech about losing his smile.  Did you check under that copy of “How to Fake a Knee Injury?”  When Vince hugs Shawn you can see him thinking “You bastard!!!”

Tag Titles: Farooq/Crush vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart

 

Bulldog and Hart had the titles forever in one of the longest title reigns in history.  No one since has had a longer WWF/E tag title reign that I can remember.  That doesn’t count the Smackdown tag titles made in 2002 mind you.  Owen vs. Crush to start and the Canadian gets a cross body for two.  Over to Bulldog as Crush throws Owen around a bit.

We take a break just after Farooq tags in.  Vince says that if anything significant happens while we’re gone it’ll be shown.  Nothing is shown so that means nothing of note is happening during a title match.  That sounds like blasphemy to Vince to me.  Owen and Bulldog had been having issues lately and they do here as well, resulting in Bulldog being in trouble.

Bret is watching the match and says that what Shawn said was sad.  We got split screen to do this of course so we can barely see the match.  Bulldog is getting beaten down here if you’re curious.  Bret says that there’s no way around Vader so Bret will have to do something different than he did last time when he lost.  It’s Hitman Time, not Vader Time.

Ah hey it’s the full match rather than the split one.  Owen starts a Bulldog chant even though the Bulldog is getting crushed out there.  Hey that was funny and wasn’t even supposed to be!  I kill myself sometimes.  Crush gets a bodyscissors.  Vince: “Speaking of body scissors, how would you like to be bodyscissored by La Femme Nikita, coming up next on USA!”  That man is a natural salesman if there has ever been one.

The fans chant what sounds like Bulldog/Owen but it’s not really clear.  Maybe if it was in a town bigger than Lowell, Massachusetts that would go a bit better.  Bulldog reverses a bearhug with a belly to belly but can’t get a tag.  Owen gets tagged but it’s not seen in a classic tag team move.  Smith finally gets an enziguri to bring in Owen who cleans house.  Missile dropkick to Crush gets two and it all breaks down.  We hit the floor and Owen might have injured his knee.  Injured or HBK-ified, it’s good enough for the count out to end this.

Rating: D+. I just wasn’t feeling this one at all.  The idea was to plug the whole fighting amongst themselves champions and while that happened this felt rushed and a big forced.  Not a terrible match but it just kind of came and went.  The knee injury never went anywhere that I can remember.

The Nation beats down Bulldog post match while Owen tries to fix his knee.  Bulldog helps him out but Owen limps back to get the belts.  That’s nice subtle heel stuff.

Vader vs. Bret Hart

 

Main event time here.  Before we get started though Taker comes out to watch.  Oh and he’s got a loud mic.  He hates to interrupt but Taker gets no respect anymore.  This is a very un-Deadman like promo.  He’s talking fast and sounds more like Biker Taker than Deadman Taker.  Vader jumps Bret as Taker leaves and Hart is in trouble early on as we take a break.

Apparently just after they went to a break Austin came out and stomped on Bret some before being sent to the back.  Vader goes up and Bret catches him in a POWERSLAM???  WHAT THE HECK ???  Bret pounds away and gets a terrible looking Russian Leg Sweep for two.  It might have helped if he actually, you know, swept the leg?  BRET SLAMS VADER!!!!  WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I WATCHING?????  He picked him up like he was a cruiserweight and just turned him over for a slam like it was nothing.  WHAT THE HECK?????

Bret can’t get the Sharpshooter.  Well I guess he was in Power Bret mode or something.  Dude Bret Hart slammed Vader.  I can’t get over that.  Why not a belly to back suplex too?  Bret is throwing Vader around like he weighs 180.  Bret low bridges Vader and there’s the Sharpshooter but Vader grabs a rope.  Austin pops up in the balcony to yell at Bret and Vader drills the Canadian from behind.  Vadersault misses and Bret gets the easy pin to end the show.

Rating: D+. Not bad but it was ok I guess.  I really can’t get over that slam.  Bret Hart just picked Vader up like he was picking up a Slurpie.  This was just a match to set up the PPV for the most part with nothing special going on at all.  Austin’s interference felt rushed as did Taker’s at the beginning.  Either way the match at the PPV was great.

Overall Rating: C-. Well there’s certainly a lot of history here but the delivery isn’t that great.  Shawn’s speech doesn’t really mean a lot anymore as he more or less just took a vacation.  This wasn’t that bad though and considering the card had to be shuffled earlier in the week as did the PPV, this was pretty solid.  Not great, but good enough for what it was.

 

Here’s In Your House if you’re interested:

 

Royal Rumble 1995
Date: January 22, 1995
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Well, another year has passed and other than some different jobbers in the midcard, the only big change is Diesel has replaced Luger atop the company. Yoko is now a non factor, Bret is of course in the title hunt, and Luger is in the midcard doing jack. Other than that there are just not a lot of differences. Of course we have the Rumble, but other than that and a Diesel vs. Bret title match, we’ve got nothing of note.

This was a very weird period for the company as they were pretty much booking as they went instead of having long term plans. At the same time in WCW, everything was more or less thrown together. Also, there’s still no Nitro at this point as it was about seven and a half months away. There’s just not a ton going on at this point in wrestling and it’s clear that a change was needed. However, that wouldn’t come for over a year and a half, and as you’ll see, that was WAY too far off. Let’s get to this.

Your big deal here is that Pamela Anderson is here and will escort the winner of the Rumble to Mania. This would turn out to be one of the worst celebrity things that I can remember as she just looked like she absolutely HATED being there. If you’re getting paid to be there, at least try to not look like you’re just wanting to go get smashed. The intro is as generic of a beach thing as you can possibly imagine. Why does Vince have to be such a freaking mic hog? It’s really annoying.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

These two feuded for what seemed like forever. Razor is of course the champion here as that’s all he ever did. Razor’s intro has reached Orton levels. Jerry gets in a funny line about how Jarrett, a country singer here, is going to star in a Broadway play: Phantom of the Grand Ole Opry. That’s just great. As we have a long feeling out period, we keep seeing the Roadie, who is more commonly known as the Road Dogg.

These two had some awesome chemistry to say the least. The gimmick that Jarrett had hurt him a lot I think. He was hard to take seriously, which is unfair because he looked good, he sounded good, he wrestled well, and he just overall worked as a big time guy. However, due to his gimmick and eventually the guitar he just failed. I’ve never gotten that. Take this match for example: everything is working fine and it’s a pretty solid match.

I don’t have anything to really make fun of in it. Granted that could be because Razor was incredibly underrated here so that might have something to do with it. Razor does all his usual stuff, although instead of the bulldog from the middle rope we get a clothesline. These two are having a very solid match out there if I do say so myself. We go to the floor though and Roadie clips Razor’s knee to send him down.

That causes the count out but Jarrett is intelligent for a change and says that he doesn’t want it that way so we need to keep going. They went for almost fifteen minutes to get to this point if that tells you anything. It was a lot of feeling out stuff but at the end of it we more or less had a stalemate. Razor gets back in and we’re ready to go again. I’ve never gotten the term restart the match. Why don’t they get new entrances?

That’s what started the match and if you’re going to redo them you might as well redo those too. With Razor’s knee destroyed, Jeff of course gets the Figure Four on a bit later. Lawler channels his inner Monsoon and says stick a fork in him, he’s done.

However, since Razor is a face and therefore comes equipped with healing powers, he escapes and makes his comeback. If Vince says he’s got him! No wait he doesn’t, one more time I’m going to scream. He gets Jarrett up in the Edge but his knee gives out and a small package gives Jarrett the title. That was good.

Rating: B+. That was a solid opener. Razor was a big deal at the time and him jobbing to Jarrett should have been the start of a big push for him but for some reason that wasn’t the case. These two were both solid workers that were likely told to just go out there and have a good match and that’s just what they did. This was a great opener.

Some annoying looking woman can’t find Jarrett. Hint: HE’S IN THE RING!

Todd is with Pamela Anderson who has gotten lots of gifts from wrestlers because apparently wooing her will make them win the Rumble. I really hate this.

The annoying woman has found Jarrett but calls him Razor. He looks good with the belt.

IRS vs. Undertaker

This was during the epically long Taker vs. DiBiase’s Million Dollar Team feud. This was actually billed as Death vs. Taxes. I give up. Apparently Taker was at a monster truck rally the night before, in character. That’s just amusing to no end. They say he was there watching his favorite monster truck: Grave Digger. There’s just something hilarious in that. As expected, there’s not a ton here.

Look at the guys in there and tell me you were expecting a solid match with a straight face. IRS simply isn’t a legit opponent here, plain and simple. This is a lot of IRS trying to fight Taker and naturally failing while Lawler says the Druids, who worked for DiBiase, should be at ringside. I’m quite bored during this match as it’s just not interesting at all. Taker apparently was at the NFL 75th Anniversary Black Tie Dinner. WOW that’s an image.

After more beating on IRS, DiBiase brings in the Druids because this wasn’t uninteresting enough. The Druids mess up Old School as the ring sounds weird. This just needs to end like NOW. It’s completely boring and feels like a bad joke or something. Lawler thinks the urn has something to do with Taker’s power. That’s so stupid I don’t even know where to begin. It’s the SMOKE inside the urn, not the urn itself.

IRS gets out of a tombstone because of the Druids and hits his finisher: a clothesline called the Write Off. Yep, his finisher is a clothesline. After sitting up for like the 4th time, a bad chokeslam ends this FINALLY. Oh wait here are the druids for even more wasting of time. King Kong Bundy comes out and allows IRS to steal the urn. I really couldn’t be any less interested. Oh and apparently the cheering of the fans works as well as the urn. I give up.

Rating: D. Oh man this was bad. It ran about 12 minutes but it felt like 45. I mean really, Death vs. Taxes? Who thought that was going to be a good match? This should have been about half as long as it was and a glorified squash. No one bought Taker as being in any kind of danger here and it’s clear that this was just not going to be competitive. It was also really boring with the Druids and DiBiase taking too much time. Just a horrible waste of time.

We get interviews from earlier in the day where Todd pesters the heck out of Bret and Diesel who don’t want to talk to him.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Diesel is champion and Bret wants to be champion, end of backstory. They point out that Bret has won two triple crowns while Diesel has won it faster than anyone else (Punk broke that record.) Diesel goes over to talk to Lawrence Taylor and it starts. I really don’t get what they thought that was going to accomplish. Actually I do as it got them a ton of mainstream press, but the fans got screwed over in about 3 months.

WE ARE LIVE! Vince, I hate your marketing obsession. They’ve bought the show. You don’t have to sell it to them again. This actually starts with a slugfest, which naturally doesn’t work for Bret. There’s a bit of a story going on here as Bret is trying to get at Diesel’s legs using all kinds of little tricks and quick moves while Diesel is just straight ahead power. I like that. Bret gets the leg and hammers it early which is odd.

We’re 5 minutes in and we’re on our seconds figure four. Vince says it’s perfect. Vince is wrong. Lawler uses that line I hate about how they’re the same size on the mat. No, Diesel is indeed still taller than Bret. Bret is acting a bit heelish here which the announcers point out. I love that suicide dive that Bret uses. It just looks awesome. Granted any version of that looks great.

Apparently one elbow from Diesel is like 10 average punches. So he has the strength of ten men. That’s amusing indeed. In a funny moment, Diesel gets Bret up in an Argentinean Back Breaker which starts like a powerbomb but Diesel stops to put the hold on. Bret gives a look to the referee and then realizes what’s going on. It looked funnier than it sounded.

In a weird spot, Bret wraps Diesel’s legs around the post and ties them with his tape to beat on him. This lasts about 5 seconds as the referee frees him. That was kind of stupid. We go to the floor…again and Bret hits a pescado but is caught and posted. Diesel goes for him again but then remembers to sell the knee injury. Thanks for that one big guy.

Diesel hits the jackknife but Shawn runs in for the save. He beats on Diesel and works on his leg, yet that’s not enough for a DQ. Well thanks guys. I guess we’re building up some screwjob credits for two and a half years from now. Bret hooks his third figure four of the match as the fans are so bored with it I’m amazed. Lawler channels his inner Heenan and keeps changing his pick. Dang it Nash sell the freaking knee!

Ok, this whole Bret can’t get disqualified thing is freaking stupid. He cracks Diesel in the knee with a chair and that’s not enough for a DQ. The referee has no issue with checking on a submission after that. Owen runs out for the save as this has just gotten stupid. Hey we’ve used chairs, posts, tape and run ins. Why not an exposed buckle? How can no one get that Bret is likely playing possum as he’s done it about once a match for years. Oh sure. Let’s knock out the referee now.

Owen, Shawn and Backlund and Jarrett and the Roadie run in and FINALLY we get the DQ. So let me get this straight: it was always going to be a double DQ, yet we had to sit through all of those run ins, weapon shots and just absurdity to get there? Why did the heels have to wait for the referee to go down? No one else got disqualified earlier for it.

The announcement of the draw, so apparently they still didn’t get disqualified, gets booed out of the building. Bret gets put in the chicken wing but Diesel breaks it up as his knee is just fine all of a sudden. I hate that. The faces shake hands which I’m ok with. Oh NOW the knee hurts again. Thanks for that one Nash.

Rating: B-. I know I blasted the ending and a lot of this match, but that likely wasn’t fair. This really was a solid match for about 80% of it, but dang they did too much with this. If you want to have the ending the way you had it that’s fine, but why have the run ins earlier in the match like that? I just don’t get that part. I get not wanting to have either guy be made to look weak, but this was just too much overkill for my taste.

That being said, when it was just Bret vs. Diesel, there was a of great stuff in there. The psychology was there, but Diesel, I can’t emphasize this enough: SELL THE KNEE NEXT TIME! I mean Bret worked the heck out of that thing and Diesel barely limped half the time. Anyway, this was solid enough, but the booking didn’t make a ton of sense in my eyes.

Holly and 1-2-3 Kid are in the back and say they believe in themselves.

King draws a picture of himself kissing Anderson using a telestrator. He’s talented but that was pointless.

Tag Titles: Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka vs. Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid

This is the final of a tournament after Shawn and Diesel split and dropped the titles. Holly and the Kid are doing the whole underdog that won’t die thing that no one likes but Vince insists we’re always enthralled with. The heels are completely dominating for about the first 8 minutes or so. I know that’s kind of a blanket statement, but dang this just isn’t even close.

Why should we buy either of these guys as having a snowball’s chance in the world of beating Bigelow or Tatanka. They mention Lou Albano which is still kind of sad. We get it: Holly drives cars. As if we don’t have enough dominance here, Kid accidentally hits Holly. Vince points out that the faces haven’t been around for long and were thrown together. Way to bury the teams they’ve beaten Vince.

Oh apparently they were supposed to be the Smoking Gunns but there was a rodeo accident. I don’t want to know. Holly actually tries to tag in Tatanka. This is just stupid at this point. The faces make a brief comeback which given the way they booked it is something close to believable. Kid is launched to the floor and Bigelow goes up for the moonsault. Tatanka picks that moment to hit the ropes though, and Bigelow crashes to the mat back first.

Holly hits a running forearm to knock the stereotype to the floor and the referee starts a double count. He gets to EIGHT and Kid puts an arm over Bigelow for the pin, SEVENTEEN SECONDS after he hit the mat. So let me get this straight. Falling about 12 feet to concrete keeps you down for about 5 seconds in the Kid’s case, but falling about 6 keeps you down at least 20 seconds? Yeah I hate this match.

As if that’s not enough, the Gunns would win the belts the next night on Raw, which makes me want to know something: WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST WIN THE FREAKING TOURNAMENT??? If you want to put the titles on the Cowboys, that’s fine. However, why not just have them go over Bigelow and Tatanka here?

Oh that’s right: to further Bigelow’s mindless face turn that happened because he kept losing to guys like Kid and Lawrence  Taylor of all people. Where did that turn wind up? Oh yeah: Japan and ECW. Thanks for taking care of your audience Vince.

Rating: D+. I HATE matches where one team completely dominates and then a mistake at the end gives the other guy/team the win. That’s just lazy booking and it makes the winners look completely weak. Bigelow and Tatanka shouldn’t have won, but the faces should have been the freaking Guns. How hard is it to just think for a minute and not overbook the heck out of a match? This is Vince’s biggest flaw as a booker: he over complicates everything.

Post match, Taylor is laughing at Bigelow so the big bald man shoves him and we have our Mania main event. Man I hate 1995 wrestling. This takes 10 minutes somehow.

We get a ton of interviews about the Rumble that I don’t feel like recapping. Everyone says they’ll win and say stuff about Pamela Anderson because she’s more important than Wrestlemania.

Royal Rumble

Oh wait we have to let Pam look bored out of her mind and pretend to be into this for awhile first. I hate celebrities being in wrestling. Anyway, Shawn is first and Bulldog as second. Oh and this year it’s one minute because we just HAD to have all those other matches and we don’t have time for actual intervals. Good night Shawn calls spots loudly at times.

Bulldog has Shawn in a gorilla press but of course slams him instead of throwing him over. Shawn is getting the tar beaten out of him as Eli Blu (Skull of the DOA) comes out as 3. We’re 10% of the way through already which is just stupid. Oh come on we’re at the countdown already? Duke Drose is 4th. What kind of a name is the Dumpster? It’s just stupid.

His gimmick was a wrestling garbage man. That’s beyond any and all logic whatsoever. Let the countdown begin! It’s Jimmy Del Ray who means nothing at all for the most part. We get some heel vs. heel mullet action with him fighting Shawn. Sixth is Sione (Barbarian) as I already hate this match. Del Ray is the first guy out as Shawn keeps surviving in impressive ways.

In at seven is Tom Pritchard, Del Ray’s partner because we have to keep a high level of suckage in there. Vince is in full blown over the top mode here as he asks Lawler if every guy that he likes is going to win the Rumble. Also notice that Vince always says Royal Rumble instead of just Rumble. He has to make sure it’s said correctly. Doink is eighth as this match is rapidly catching 93 as worst Rumble of all time.

Everything is all over the place and the time intervals are just killing it. Granted the whole and complete lack of interesting talent is killing it too. Kwang is in at 9 as I’m thinking about throwing on some Family Ties which I’m not a fan of but it would be more interesting than this.

We’re at double digits with Rick Martel who never changes at all. Del Ray is the only elimination at the moment so the ring is full. That’s another issue with this: You can’t get rid of people without making them look weak, but at the same time you can’t let the ring get this full because it’s too cluttered. That clock is really starting to tick me off. Owen is number 11.

Bret runs out to jump him though on his way to the ring in the most interesting thing in the whole match so far. Now everything starts going insane. Timothy Well (of Well Dunn) is number 12 to a big pop? No actually Bulldog threw Owen out about a second after he got in. At the same time I think Martel went out and Droese was thrown over and landed on Earl Hebner in an unplanned spot. Well is gone also.

Oh Martel just got thrown out. Pritchard is out and we have Doink, Barbarian, Shawn, Bulldog, Eli and Kwang. Doink is out as Luke of the Bushwackers comes out. In an elimination that you can only see on the screen and isn’t acknowledged by Vince or Jerry, Barbarian throws out Kwang and then he and Eli eliminate each other. That leaves us with Shawn, Bulldog and Luke. This is making my head hurt.

He’s in there about 10 seconds as Shawn throws him out. He still had a job at this point? Why? Jerry is timing people with his Mickey Mouse watch. That sounds like a simple comedy one liner right? This confuses the HECK out of Vince. You can tell he’s just thrown completely off by it which granted could have been him fighting back laughter. Now I want a Mickey watch. Jacob Blu (8-Ball of the DOA) is number 14 as we’re nearly halfway done and 15 minutes hasn’t passed yet.

Shawn dumps him in about 15 seconds and we’re back to the first two all over again. Former Wrestlemania main event level talent King Kong Bundy is our halfway man. We get a replay of Owen being eliminated, which was a mere five minutes ago. This show should be shown to ROH fans as a torture method. Mo is in next and Bundy becomes my hero by putting him out in three seconds. Naturally Mabel is next as we continue the dumb tag partners in a row tradition.

Of course he goes right after Bundy and we have a bad battle of the big men which can indeed get old. Eighteen (seriously?) is Butch. Bundy is gone and Butch follows soon thereafter. Both guys (Mabel and Bulldog) try to put out Shawn as Luger the midcard guy is 19th. Dang he fell very far very fast. He puts out Mabel with ease.

Mantaur is number 20 as my eyes roll. He’s supposed to be half man and half bull I think but it was never really explained. This is easily his crowning achievement though so take that for what it’s worth. 21st is Aldo Montoya who is more commonly known as Justin Credible and more commonly known as the guy wearing a jockstrap on his face. Henry Godwin is 22nd and the sixth guy in along with Luger, Mantaur, Bulldog, Shawn and Montoya.

He’s a heel here for no apparent reason. We see Pamela who looks like she’s being told she is about to drink yak urine. Our Jordan entrant is Billy Gunn. WAIT A SECOND! He was too injured to fight in the tournament but he can fight here. I hate Vince. Oh apparently they were injured to keep them out of the tournament but they get a title shot tomorrow instead? I’d just fake injuries to get title shot after title shot.

Bart is of course 24th because tag partners always get the same numbers. In case you can’t tell I hate this match to a great extent. Bob Backlund is next as we have 5 left. Oh look it’s Bret playing policeman again. They would fight at Mania in an ok at best rematch from Survivor Series. Next is Steven Dunn since we have to further lower our intelligence. In case you can’t tell, the final two will be Shawn and Bulldog.

Backlund is out after being in about 15 seconds. Bret stays in the spotlight by jumping him again. As that happens, Dick freaking Murdoch is in at 27. He’s 48 here and would be dead in about a year and a half. He’s also in the KKK but that’s not likely to be mentioned. No one has a clue who he is by the way. It amazes me that he can get an entry here. Were they that hard up for talent that he’s the best they can get?

What’s even worse is he’s more energetic than most people in there. Adam Bomb who should have been pushed harder than he was is 28th. There’s like 10 guys in there and I’m not even bothering to recap them as it’s obvious what’s going to happen in case you can’t tell. Fatu is the penultimate guy. Luger gets Mantaur on the ropes and shakes him up and down to get him out which just looked stupid. He’s out though.

Crush who also should have been pushed is number thirty. Like I said I’m not wasting my time on listing them. The Gunns go out at the same time because of Murdoch and Crush. Murdoch looks pretty good out there actually. We go back to Anderson who points back at the ring as in get off me so I can be miserable and then get my check. I think there’s 9 people in there. Let’s up the stupidity a bit as Vince says that never again will two guys go out at the same time and hit at the same time.

Of course, this ended the show last year and JUST HAPPENED. Luger saves Michaels for no apparent reason. Bomb goes out. I nearly spit out my drink as Vince says he was a favorite. That’s just amusing. He’s young and over and decent. There’s no way he could do anything of note. Montoya is out and AGAIN Luger saves Michaels. Is he that scared of the power of Murdoch? The final six are Luger, Murdoch, Godwin, Bulldog, Shawn and Crush.

Murdoch is by far the most interesting guy in here as he hooks an airplane spin but falls out when trying to dump Godwin. Shawn sprints at Luger which is awesome. This just needs to end as it’s not interesting at all. Godwin is out and we’re at the final four. Crush puts out Luger and I think some nachos sound good here. The heels beat on Bulldog for a bit as we’re just wasting time. Crush tries to jump Shawn but Bulldog sneaks up and drops Crush to get us down to the starters.

We get the famous ending as Bulldog clotheslines Shawn up and over and the music hits for the celebration. But wait. What’s this? Shawn jumps back in and nails Smith to put him over the top and he’s declared the winner. For the only time this will ever be said, Vince is awesome on the mic here. Fink announces that only one foot hit and Vince is stunned. We go to the replay and in one of the coolest and most impressive things I’ve ever seen in wrestling, Shawn’s foot does not touch.

That’s amazing and very risky as if he slips one inch, and who could blame him if he did, the next few months have to be completely altered. Anyway, Shawn wins and he and Pam “celebrate” as it looks like she wants to scream. She even leaves halfway through it as Shawn poses to end the show.

Rating: D+. This has been called the Jobber Rumble and it fits perfectly. I mean look at the list of people. The only ones that were ever going to have a chance were Shawn and Luger, both of whom were midcard guys at best here. The whole thing was just messed up with no monsters to save anything and no one that was a big star to be a big surprise. That’s just stupid.

The one minute intervals are just flat out stupid too. There’s zero time to get going at all and it was just stupid. This did however get two things right: the ending was downright inspired. That’s one o the best ways I can think of to end the thing and the key to it for me is Shawn won completely legally. He earned the win and that’s the most important thing as it ties into the other thing they got right: a midcard guy got elevated.

Shawn goes from IC Title dude to world title shot at Mania in less than 40 minutes. That’s what the Rumble could be for yet never is. They got the end right, but the road getting there was just awful. This could be worse than 93 but I don’t think it quite is.

Overall Rating: C-. This show is just not great at all. It’s the epitome of just being there. It’s not good or bad although it’s leaning towards that latter of the two. The matches are just uninteresting and this feels like it could be on any show at all. Yes we have three title matches, but while they’re good, they could easily have happened on Raws or any run of the mill PPV.

It’s a show where the matches don’t add up to the whole show, as this just feels completely empty despite having some decent stuff on it. I’d say check this out only in extreme cases of boredom or for hardcore fans only. The casual viewer will just be bored to tears, which the ratings around this time reflect. This show was bad, but the individual stuff was ok I guess.