Monday Night Raw
Date: November 23, 2009
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Jesse Ventura

This is another request and it looks like a show with a lot of wrestling on it. Maybe this is a three hour show? Oh ok this is the show with the Breakthrough battle royal, as in the battle royal where the people in it haven’t been world champion in awhile or something like that. Orton is in it so that kind of throws things out the window. Let’s get to it.

I didn’t realize they were using Burn It To The Ground this early.

Yeah it’s a three hour show.

Ventura is introduced but we get Orton instead. This is the night after Survivor Series where Orton’s team lost to Kofi’s team. Orton talks about how Jesse is a radical and someone not afraid to break the rules. He’s not supposed to face Cena for the title anymore but since the guest host can do whatever he wants, Jesse can lift Orton’s ban so he can have his title shot. He requests Jesse’s presence and here’s the Body.

Tonight Jesse’s a wrestler and not the governor. He’s the boss tonight so what he says goes. Orton reminds Jesse of himself when he was younger. Jesse is the revolution, not a part of one party or another. Therefore he’s bringing something new to the WWE tonight. Orton isn’t getting a shot, because it’s the same people getting a shot time after time.

Orton runs through a bunch of the main event guys who he thinks are getting the shot but Jesse says no to each. Tonight there will be a series of matches and they’ll be between people who have never been world champion. The winners will be in a battle royal and the winner is the new #1 contender. Also tonight, we’re getting some firsts, like John Cena vs. CM Punk, as well as DX vs. Hart Dynasty.

Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

Before the match we get a clip of Kofi saving Piper from being punted and hitting the big dive in MSG. Ziggler is more or less just a comedy character at this point. Kofi knocks him into the corner to start but his jump at Ziggler misses and Dolph takes over. Elbow gets two. He has a lot of the show off character in him already and it’s working for him. There’s a chinlock but Kofi pops up and hits the Boom Drop and Trouble in Paradise to qualify for the battle royal later.

Rating: C-. Too short to mean anything but these two have solid chemistry together. Kofi was a bigger star here though so the ending wasn’t really ever in doubt, especially with Kofi being in the middle of his big feud with Orton. He was probably the favorite in the battle royal going into it.

Miz, the US Champion, is thankful for nothing because he expects greatness. The people should be thankful that they get to watch him.

Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. Finlay

Sheamus eliminated Finlay from the Survivor Series match last night so there’s a backstory here. Finlay takes it to the floor quickly and knocks him over the table. Sheamus takes over back inside and sends Finlay into the post shoulder first. High Cross ends this quick.

Sheamus destroys Finlay post match.

Teddy Long is thankful for….something but Vickie cuts him off. She’s the consultant and brags about it a lot. Eric Escobar is here to waste some time. Teddy tries to hit Vickie in the face with the mashed potatoes but Escobar intercepts them.

Promo for Jesse’s new show Conspiracy Theories.

Orton comes in to talk to Jesse and says he wants in the battle royal and there’s a conspiracy against him. Jesse thinks there might be something to that because of the boss of the company.

Here’s Punk to talk before his match with Cena. Punk is heel now and will be starting the Straight Edge Society pretty soon after this. Punk says he’s thankful for being straightedge. He wouldn’t want to be any of these people and explains what straightedge means. Punk condemns everyone that commits gluttony on Thanksgiving and talks about how they’re all going to use a crutch afterwards. Through his sober eyes, he can see John Cena.

CM Punk vs. John Cena

Feeling out process to start, resulting in Cena ramming into Punk which hurts Punk’s shoulder. Cena takes over by ramming Punk into buckles but the STF can’t be hooked yet. We take a break and come back with Punk holding a headscissors on the mat. Apparently Punk hit a springboard clothesline to take over during the break. Cena stands up into an electric chair as Punk panics.

Cena can’t really get anything going after that though. Punk whips him into the corner and Cena is in trouble. Neckbreaker gets two. Cena comes back with the shoulders and ProtoBomb. Shuffle looks to set up the FU but Punk flips over the top. Punk tries the GTS but Cena lands on his feet and leg drags Punk into the STF. Punk makes the rope though and things slow down.

High kick puts Cena down for a very long two. This is starting to get good which means that it’s probably over. There’s the running knee in the corner but John counters the bulldog. Top rope Fameasser hits for two. Another AA attempt is countered by a dropkick for two. Punk tries another running knee in the corner but Cena ducks and hits a middle rope AA for the pin.

Rating: B. It’s not quite MITB 2011 but once the commercial was over this got a lot better in a hurry. These two have chemistry together and every time you see them in the ring together you’re going to get a treat. The kickouts at the end were getting very good very quickly and it’s cool to see Cena have to do something bigger than his usual finishers, which is what made this work so well.

Vince comes up to see Jesse in the back and says he won’t accept a challenge for a match. Jesse says that’s not why he’s here. He wants Vince to be hurt mentally. Jesse gets in a great line as he talks about how the state of Minnesota’s budget was over 30 billion dollars a year, so this company is tiny by comparison. Tonight, Vince is going to be an announcer like when he first started. Jesse hands him a tuxedo and says go get ready. We even get the return of the bowtie!

Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match: Chavo Guerrero/Jack Swagger/Chris Masters vs. Mark Henry/MVP/R-Truth

All three winners advance. Swagger vs. MVP to get us going. MVP takes over quickly and knocks Swagger down with a right hand for two. We get a weird sequence as Chavo tries to come in off the top onto MVP but MVP kind of catches him in a suplex. It looked really awkward. Off to Masters and MVP is in trouble. Truth comes in for some bad punches and it’s off to Henry to clean house. Lie Detector by Truth pins Masters. This was nothing again.

DX is in the back and HHH wants to know why Shawn kicked him last night in the triple threat. Shawn says it was for the championship and he thought HHH would Pedigree him first. HHH says Shawn kicked him three times. Shawn says he was aiming for Cena….and they’re interrupted by a midget lawyer who serves them with papers. Oh dear.

Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne vs. Primo

And never mind as Orton jumps Primo during his entrance and throws him off the stage.

Orton comes to the ring and says he’s taking Primo’s spot. Jesse pops up on the Tron and says he likes Orton’s style so he gets the qualifying spot instead of Primo. He says he always broke rules so it’s ok here. That somehow makes sense.

Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne vs. Randy Orton

Orton sends Bourne into the post for two almost immediately. Bourne comes back with some high flying stuff and the double knees from the top get two. RKO hits about a second later for the pin.

We get some clips of Vince and Jesse on commentary.

Trailer for The Marine 2.

Kelly Kelly/Mickie James/Melina vs. Michelle McCool/Layla/Jillian

It’s Pilgrims vs. Indians with the bad girls being the Pilgrims. Cole and Jerry crack up during the entrances. There’s a special guest timekeeper: The Gobbledy Gooker. I’ve got NOTHING. The Indians come out to Tatanka’s music. Melina vs. Jillian starts us off. Jillian takes over to start and the fans are silent. Laycool walks out and Melina pins Jillian. So freaking stupid but Kelly’s legs looked great.

Jerry goes in to talk to the winners post match and the Gooker jumps Melina. It’s the returning Maryse. Maryse takes forever to get out of the costume. Well she certainly looks great.

D-Generation X vs. Hart Dynasty

Shawn vs. Kidd to start us off. I’d love to see them have a 4 minute match or so. Shawn knocks him down and nips up but it’s off to Smith. The Harts take over on Shawn via the power of Smith. Back to Kidd who hooks a chinlock. Smith loads up a powerslam but Shawn slips off his back and they ram heads. There’s the double tag and HHH comes in to face Kidd. Spinebusters all around but Smith breaks up the Pedigree. Shawn breaks up something from Smith with Chin Music and the Pedigree takes out Kidd for the pin.

Rating: C. Quick match but nothing to see here. It’s nice to see guys like the Harts get to rub elbows with DX and there’s no point to seeing them win here. The idea here was that DX needed to prove they were still together and a cohesive unit, especially given what’s happening after the match.

Post match Jericho comes out and says that DX gets the title shot against Jeri-Show for the titles at TLC. HHH makes fat jokes about Big Show and Shawn says that it’ll be a TLC match. Jericho cuts off the catchphrase and goes on a rant about how DX may be great but they’ve never been tag team champions. You know, because those are so valuable.

Here’s Batista to Rey’s music. Last night Batista turned heel and destroyed Rey. Batista talks about how Rey had a chance to be a tough guy but last night he had to explain things to Rey. He talks about destroying Rey last night with three Batista Bombs and here’s Kane. He wants to know what Batista is going to do about Kane interrupting him. Kane asks Dave to make an example out of him. Batista drops the mic and walks out.

Breakthrough Battle Royal Qualifying Match: Cryme Tyme vs. Legacy

Both winners advance. Cody and JTG get us going but Cody makes a blind tag to give Legacy the advantage. Cody hits a release suplex and a dropkick gets two. Off to Shad who does a bit better with the power stuff. Monty Brown’s Alpha Bomb gets two on Ted. Everything breaks down and Dream Street pins Shad. Too short to grade but it was your run of the mill tag team squash.

Kane vs. Batista on Friday.

The Divas have a pie fight, resulting in Santino taking one in the face. He takes more and more as he keeps bashing women but winds up knocking one into Vickie’s face.

Breakthrough Battle Royal

Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, MVP, Mark Henry, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Sheamus, Randy Orton

Vince and Jesse are on commentary for this one. Vince comes out to the theme from SNME which is just awesome. It’s great to hear Vince on commentary as he clearly loves what his product is and is a promoter at heart. Legacy stays in one corner and immediately go after Kofi. It’s a big brawl but Sheamus stays in a corner to himself. Orton is on the floor but he went through the ropes.

Things slow down before they ever got going. I don’t think Sheamus has had any contact with anyone yet. He was biding his time though and picks off R-Truth, throwing him out after a clothesline. Legacy works over Kofi in the corner and Orton is back in. Sheamus Brogue Kicks MVP and tosses him to get us down to six. Henry goes after Sheamus but Legacy makes the save for some reason. Sheamus is on the apron but gets back in.

Henry double clotheslines Legacy to the floor but Sheamus drills him in the back and dumps Henry. We’re down to Orton, Kofi and Sheamus. Orton and Kofi hammer away on each other and Sheamus gets knocked down. Jesse goes on a small anti-Chaney rant as Kofi is sent to the floor. He skins the cat though and headscissors Randy out. Sheamus takes Kofi’s head off with a double ax, knocking him to the floor to become #1 contender.

Rating: D. Very boring match but it was a great thing to see them really trying to push someone else as a main event guy. That was something that was badly missing at this point and pushing Sheamus was as good a move as they could have made. It gave them some fresh blood in the main event and if 2009 taught us anything, it was that Raw was dying for fresh main event blood.

Verne Troyer is hosting next week. Oh geez.

We’re having the contract signing for Cena vs. Sheamus right now to close the show. Jesse demands that Cena get out here right now and here’s the champ to his traditional mixed reaction. They sit down and Sheamus says he’s the #1 contender. Cena says that usually, the guy saying that is a future Hall of Famer. Cena wants to know why he should take Sheamus seriously after all he’s done is beat up Lawler and Noble. John says he’s been here for 8 years and gone against the best and is champion today because he’s earned it.

Cena goes into serious mode and says this is all he’s got. He’s gone up against everyone and every single one of them has been taken down. When Sheamus signs that contract, he better be ready to go to war. Both guys sign and Ventura thinks there’s a conspiracy to keep Cena champion. Cena is the perfect looking champion that everyone wants. Jesse didn’t get a title shot because he was a rebel. Cena gets in Jesse’s face, allowing Sheamus to kick his head off. Sheamus rams him into the post and then powerslams him through the table. Jesse says it’s a table match for the title. Sheamus holds up the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s not a terrible showbut the three hours weren’t needed. Pushing someone new to the main event is a fine idea but getting there was a problem. Some of these matches could have been clipped and the show would have been fine. It’s not bad but it takes so long to get to the good ending that you’re not going to care once you get there. Jesse is always worth seeing though.

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Assuming that the titles stay on the current champions, who do you want him to pick?Bryan if I had to choose.  Sheamus vs. Punk doesn’t sound like much, but Bryan’s selling could be great.

Your picks/thoughts?

Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

The Road to Wrestlemania begins tonight, even with the Elimination Chamber being in a month and messing things up all over again. The even money is on either Jericho, Orton or Sheamus as the dark horse. This probably marks the only time that he’s ever been considered dark in his life but it’s a special occasion. Oh and there are two world title matches tonight too if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s get to it.

Now we’ve been promised a great main event here tonight. They wouldn’t lie to us. Not a wrestling company.

The opening video is your usual one for something like this: everyone saying they want to go to the Rumble.

Smackdown World Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It says a lot when the Smackdown main event is opening the show. It’s been like 2 years since they’ve gotten a main event. Anyway, Bryan is the champion in case the zombie apocalypse has occurred and you have no access to finding out who champion was and you’ve somehow found my flash drive. Henry legit injured his knee on Smackdown so it should be interesting to see if he does much tonight.

Pin, submission or escape to win. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Bryan goes for a quick escape but the monsters pull him down. Show takes Henry down with a quick shoulder block and then splashes him against the cage. He does it again but I guess he’s not Bobby Lashley as the cage doesn’t break, even on the third attempt. Bryan tries to escape but Show makes the save.

Show takes over and throws Bryan into the cage. The big punch hits the cage and Bryan goes after….the leg. That works about as it does every time you go after a giant’s leg and Show rams him into various things. Bryan kicks him in the knee to take him down and then goes after Bryan. Danny calls for the door to be open but Henry goes for the save. Show kicks Henry in the face to take over again.

Bryan gets thrown into the cage a bunch of times and a hard slam puts him down. Henry comes back as we’re into the regular formula of one guy stays down while the others fight. Mark misses a charge into the cage and Show spears him which Bryan gets two off of. Bryan escapes a chokeslam and tries a LeBell Lock on Show but Henry makes the save. Henry loads up the Slam on Bryan but Show knocks him out with the punch for two as Bryan saves. Bryan goes to escape but Show grabs onto him. After holding on for awhile, Bryan falls down and escapes for the win at 9:13.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and hopefully it gets Bryan away from these monsters. There’s only so much he can do against guys this size without looking ridiculous. They laid around a lot in this but that’s the accepted formula in triple threats. By that I mean one person would stay down for way too long off a basic move but Henry needed the break given his knee. Not bad but it felt like a Smackdown main event instead of a PPV title match.

Bryan does his overblown celebration post match.

Elimination Chamber promo with Amazing Grace playing over Sheamus talking.

Cena video on his mainstream media appearances and international appeal. Basically filler.

Bella Twins/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres/Tamina/Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly

Title defenses? What are those? I didn’t know Beth was alive anymore. Tamina and Natalya start us off and thankfully it lasts longer than their match this past Friday. Off to Eve who I thought turned heel. Eve does her usual stupid dancing offense and it’s off to Beth. Off to a Bella who gets two and hooks a chinlock. Booker actually asks why Lawler likes the Bellas. Alicia comes in and beats on whichever Bella that is. Does it really even matter? Off to Eve and everyone goes outside where Kelly hits a big dive. Beth slaps her way in and the Glam Slam kills Kelly dead at 5:23.

Rating: D+. The dive was cool and this was one of the better Divas matches I can remember in awhile, but is there any point to this division anymore? That’s the first time I remember seeing Beth in forever and the match was an 8 person tag instead of something for the title. When’s the last time she defended it on TV? Based on what I can find, her last three defenses have been at TLC, Survivor Series and Vengeance.

Video on Ryder being injured.

Ryder is here in a back brace and says he’s here to watch Cena beat Kane up. He runs into Johnny Ace who has a personal room ready for Zack. Eve comes up to run her mouth on Ace and calls him vindictive, pompous and a word I couldn’t understand. Eve wheels him into the dressing room.

John Cena vs. Kane

Mostly booing for Cena here. Cena goes straight for Kane but is taken down quickly. The dueling chants begin and Cena fires off punches, knocking Kane to the floor. They brawl outside and Kane goes knee first into the steps. AA doesn’t work as Cena falls forward. Off to the chinlock and the match slows way down. Cena fights up and we get the boo/yay punch sequence. Uppercut by Kane gets two as does a suplex and it’s back to the chinlock.

Cena fights up and makes a comeback but Kane punches him right back down. A corner splash hits Cena but the second is countered by a drop toehold into the middle buckle. The idea is that Cena can’t really hurt Kane, as in the story to almost all of Kane’s matches. Cena counters the smother into a Crossface. Kane escapes and a side slam gets two for the masked man. The top rope clothesline puts Cena down and here comes the chokeslam. Cena ducks it and tries his shoulder blocks but Kane pops up. ProtoBomb looks to set up the Shuffle but Kane pops up and kicks him back down.

They go to the corner and Cena knocks him off. Cena hits a top rope Five Knuckle Shuffle and tries the AA but Kane escapes. Cena goes for the knee and tries the STF but gets kicked to the floor. Kane rams him into the apron and they fight up the ramp for the double countout. I forgot to time it but it ran roughly 15 minutes.

Rating: D+. Very slow match here and pretty boring. The idea that Cena can’t hurt Kane got boring quickly and the ending didn’t help things at all. I don’t really get where they’re going with this, but I’d assume it’s going towards something about Cena being evil but rising above it. Just dull for the most part and the same stuff done over and over again.

Cena rams something that looked like equipment into Kane and they go into the backstage area. Kane is sent into trashcans which doesn’t really stop him. The Big Fried Freak grabs a chair and pops Cena with it about four times. Wouldn’t you know it we’re right next to Ryder’s dressing room? Kane goes in and smothers Ryder into presumably death.

Kane comes back out with Ryder in the wheelchair. He wheels Ryder into the ring and here’s Eve to try to make the save. This goes about as well as you would think and Ryder gets tombstoned. Cena finally comes back to fight Kane but walks into a chokeslam. Kane leaves and Ryder gets taken out on a stretcher.

Don’t Be A Bully.

Same kind of video on Rock from earlier. He talks about his movie and this is just eating up time.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

Remember what I said about filler? Brodus dances and jiggles as Drew hits him. A headbutt to the chest puts Drew down and there’s the suplex. I know because Brodus said suplex right before he hit it. Splash in the corner and What The Funk ends this in 1:15.

We recap Punk vs. Ziggler. Punk has been screwed by Johnny Ace multiple times now and keeps calling him a failure and all those things. Ace has finally said that he’s going to screw Punk as he’s the guest referee. He’s being evaluated tomorrow night so the question is will he screw Punk because he’s got nothing to lose or will he play it fair?

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Johnny Ace is referee. Actually scratch that as he says he’ll be outside referee and there will be a regular one in the ring. We get big match intros as we should. Punk gets a nice reaction. Before the bell, Ace comes in and throws Vickie out. My goodness they’re actually following continuity! Punk won a match a few weeks ago that ensured Vickie wouldn’t be out here if you remember that.

Ziggler goes for a quick Fameasser and Punk goes for a quick GTS which both miss. Ace is texting already. They start with a nice sequence of counters and avoiding moves. This is going to be a chess match. Sunset flip gets two for the champ and he tries the Vice but Ziggy gets to the ropes. Punk takes it to the mat quickly and we go outside. Punk gets in a few shots and goes up top back in but Ziggler knocks him off for two. The champ is holding his neck.

Neckbreaker puts Punk down and Ziggler drops about ten elbows, finishing with a jumping elbow for a one count. Off to a chinlock for a few moments. Punk fights up and they slug it out. Ziggler grabs a sleeper which Punk reverses into an Anaconda attempt. Back to the sleeper but it’s not all the way on. Ziggler rolls off and a dropkick gets two. He tries a running Fameasser but gets caught in a helicopter bomb for two.

Punk fires off strikes and a swinging neckbreaker to put Dolph down. There are the knee and bulldog and Punk has the fire in his eyes. GTS is countered into a catapult but Punk lands on the middle rope. Ziggler rolls through a cross body for two with tights. Punk gets a running boot for a delayed two. This has been FAR better than any other match tonight. Punk slams him to set up the elbow but stops because it’s near Ace. He goes up anyway and the elbow gets two. It also draws a Randy Savage chant and a smile from me.

Another GTS attempt is countered by Ziggler and Punk is shoved into the referee. Ace tries to wake him up and Punk gets the Vice. Ziggler taps but there’s no referee because Ace is trying to revive him. Punk lets it go and yells at Ace. Ziggler rolls him up but Punk reverses into a rollup of his own. It would get three but there’s still no referee. John rolls the referee back in and keeps checking on him.

Punk finally shoves Ace and yells at him. Ziggler tries to jump him but gets caught in the GTS. Ace gets knocked down by Dolph’s feet and thinks Punk intentionally hit him. There’s STILL no referee to count the pin, but he’s on his knees now. Ace won’t count so Punk says the next GTS is for him. Punk loads up another GTS on Ziggler but Dolph counters into a Fameasser in a SWEET counter but it only gets two.

Ziggler is back into it now and he pounds away at Punk like there’s no tomorrow. The regular referee is back up now. Here comes the Zig Zag but Punk catches it into a slingshot. GTS hits but Ace comes in and….counts the pin along with the regular referee so that Punk wins at 14:42.

Rating: B. Not a classic or anything but it was by far the best match of the night and a great breath of air to this horrible show. Punk and Ziggler are just great together and in the match, everything made perfect sense. Ace didn’t see who hit him and that it was an accident so he was justifiably mad. He spent a lot of time with the referee but there never was any actual cheating.

Ace hands the referee the belt so Punk can take it. He applauds Punk as well.

Ad for WWE on Youtube which will have 9 original shows apparently. It debuts Wednesday.

Rumble by the Numbers promo.

Royal Rumble

Miz is #1 and he has the AWESOME white balloons to go through. Elimination Chamber is in three weeks. My goodness. Alex Riley is second in a nice twist. Miz takes him down in the corner and Booker is talking about royal jelly. Riley throws him to the apron but Miz lands on the apron. Riley charges like an idiot and is out before #3 comes in. Third is R-Truth and I’m so glad they’re not calling this random anymore. It would just be laughable.

Truth puts him on the apron as well but Miz gets back in. The Finale is escapes but the Little Jimmy is avoided. Truth tries….something that I think was suppsed to be a forward suplex but turned into a powerslam. Miz is thrown to the apron and Cody is #4. Cody hits a quick Beautiful Disaster and then teams up with Miz to work on Truth. Cody takes awhile working on Truth and is thrown to the apron but he hangs on.

Miz takes Truth down with a neckbreaker and Cody gets back in. #5 is Justin Gabriel and he goes up top to take the heels out with a cross body. Flying shoulder takers Miz down and a Blue Thunder Bomb does the same to Cody. The clock seems to be going very quickly. Miz is put down again by a spinwheel kick but Cody gets in a shot to slow Gabriel down. The feuds pair off with Justin and Cody trading chops.

Primo is #6 and unfortunately there’s no Rosa. He actually cleans house with clotheslines and martial arts. He takes all four guys down and never gets hit at all. A NICE headscissors puts Justin down and Cody misses Beautiful Disaster to Truth. The spinning forearm takes Cody down but Miz throws Truth out. Truth pulls Miz out and hits a Little Jimmy on the floor, but Miz went under the ropes so he’s not eliminated.

In at #7 is MICK FOLEY! He, ahem, “runs” to the ring and takes Primo down quickly. Officially there are 5 people in at the moment but Miz is on the floor. Primo charges and gets backdropped out and is eliminated by Mick. Cody jumps Foley as Justin takes a breather. There’s a Bang Bang knee in the corner. Double Arm DDT takes Cody down and Justin helps with the elimination attempt.

Alberto Del…..and never mind it’s Ricardo at #8. In a hilarious bit, he comes out in a rusted out 80s car with a Hefty bag covering a busted out window. He’s in the scarf and tights also. This is GREAT. Justin and Foley are stunned. There’s a Ricardo chant. He runs around for awhile and actually puts Justin out as Foley stands there. Santino is #9 as we’re in the comedy portion of the Rumble. Cody is still down in the corner and Miz is on the mat.

Ricardo comes right at Santino but runs from the Cobra being teased. Santino beats up Ricardo for a bit, gives him a wedgie, and tosses him. Foley and Santino are the only ones left and I kid you not: it’s Socko vs. the Cobra. They circle each other with their hand puppets on and this is hilarious. Epico is in at #10. Cobra, Socko, bye bye. The Cobra and Sock collide and it’s hilarious still.

Miz gets back in to fight Foley as Cody tosses Santino. Socko to Miz but Cody comes from behind to toss him. Miz and Cody are the only ones in now but Kofi comes in at #11 to keep them from fighting. Kofi does the running dive through the ropes into a clothesline to take Cody down. He speeds things way up and hits a springboard double clothesline and a double Boom Drop. Miz is thrown to the apron but Cody makes the save.

A dropkick from Cody puts Kofi down and the clock is already ticking again. In at #12 is….JERRY LAWLER!!! That was a nice surprise and he ducks a right hand from Miz. Both heels go down from right hands and dropkicks. A slam puts Miz down and Lawler drops the strap and hits the middle rope punch, but Cody puts him out with little effort. Still though that was a cool surprise.

It’s Kofi, Cody, Miz and now Big Zeke Jackson with new tights at #13. King is back on commentary and at least he lasted longer than he did in 1997 I believe. Zeke pounds on everyone but doesn’t try to eliminate anyone until Jinder Mahal comes in to bore us #14. Cole tries to make us care by talking about the color of his head wrap which isn’t a turban apparently. He takes forever to get in so Zeke beats on everyone for awhile. The fans chant USA, so I guess they don’t like Zeke and Kofi and are supporting Cody and Miz?

We hit the halfway point as Great Khali is #15. Jinder is a little nervous. I forgot he existed so I guess the Hall of Pain was effective. Khali chops everyone and Jinder is easily tossed after trying to fight back. Jackson goes after Khali but takes a chop of his own. A clothesline puts Jackson out. It’s Miz, Rhodes, Kingston and Khali in at the moment and we’ve had 11 eliminations and 15 entrants.

Cody is dropped onto the apron by Kofi. Here’s #16 in the form of Hunico on a tricked out lowrider bike. Camacho is with him but leaves. A nice spinning springboard cross body takes Kofi down and things speed up. He hits his modified Angle Slam on Cody but is quickly chopped down. We’re about 24 minutes in and already at #17, which is BOOKER T! Sorry but you have to shout when any old person is in these things. Internet policy don’t you know.

Booker hammers on everyone but Khali stares him down. Booker goes at him and is chopped down quickly. The ring is at its fullest so far I believe with six guys in it. Khali chops Rhodes in the corner and Miz throws Kofi to the apron. He skins the cat but Miz kicks him down. Kofi lands in a handstand and WALKS BACKWARDS ON HIS HANDS TO GET TO THE STEPS! That was INCREDIBLE!!!

Dolph Ziggler is in at #18 and goes after the guy that has easily just trumped the wall climb by Morrison. Not much happens until Jim Duggan is #19, getting one of the best reactions of the night. There are seven or eight in there at the moment: Duggan, Khali, Hunico, Rhodes, Miz, Kingston, Booker and Ziggler. So it’s 8 and we’ve had 19 entrants and 11 eliminations. Duggan gets in some shots but Rhodes puts him out with a clothesline to the back.

Khali, Ziggler and Cody team up to put out Booker but Khali goes out instead. #20 is….Michael Cole. There’s your gimmick for the Rumble. And he has the wrestling gear on. How does the screening process for these entrants go? We keep the camera on him for far too long as we now have Cole, Miz, Kofi, Cody, Hunico and Ziggler in now. Cody tries to put Ziggler out as Cole dances around. If JR is in this thing I’ll need a stiff drink. #21 is…..Kharma! Wow she’s back early but they’ve been playing up the whole only two women ever thing.

She goes right after Cole and runs him over so hard the headgear comes off. Cole jumps over the top rope to the apron as Booker and Lawler jump up to eliminate him. Ziggler goes after Kharma who plants her with the Implant Buster. She throws Hunico WAY up and out. Ziggler dumps her but that was awesome. Ok so we now have Ziggler, Cody, Miz and Kofi in there. Good to see the young guys getting their chance.

#22 is Sheamus and the place goes nuts. He’s in red now. House is cleaned with everyone but Kofi getting hit. Powerslam to Ziggler and one for Miz as well. He goes after Kofi as well as Cole gives us stats on the announcers. Sheamus dumps Kofi to get us down to three in the ring at the moment. There are the ten forearms to Cody and ten for Miz as well. #23 is the Road Dogg to very little reaction.

He hammers on everyone in sight and hits the three punches and dance. There’s the Shake Rattling Kneedrop which has a name that I don’t remember. Pumphandle slam takes Miz down and the fans chant You Still Got It. Jey Uso is #24 but Jimmy is in street clothes so it’ll just be one. He superkicks Miz as Vickie screams. The Umaga running hip shot hits Roadie and Ziggler is draped on the ropes. It’s Miz, Sheamus, Jey Uso, Road Dogg, Ziggler and Cody at the moment. We’ve had 18 eliminated and 24 entrants so far.

#25 is Jack Swagger. He and Ziggler hook up and it’s Barrett at #26 with new music. Barrett dumps Road Dogg and gets in a fight with Sheamus. #27, the lucky number, is David Otunga. Well so much for it being lucky this year. He takes forever to get to the ring as we have I think 8 people in there right now. Otunga legitimately won a case in court earlier this week so at least he has something to fall back on.

The ring is pretty full here as we wait on Orton to clear them out. There’s him, Jericho and one other spot that I can’t think of to go. There are eight in at the moment but I’ll wait until #30 gets in to recap them. #28 is Orton and the place goes banana. Orton runs people over and hits a Thesz Press on Barrett. He cleans house but Rhodes jumps him. Orton puts him in Elevated DDT position but has to fight Ziggler off. We get a double DDT instead. Ok then.

Orton tosses Uso then RKOs Barrett to toss him out. #29 is Chris Jericho so who’s #30. This could be very interesting. Jericho goes after everyone and tosses Otunga. We have Swagger, Sheamus, Jericho, Ziggler, Orton, Rhodes and Miz. Here’s #30 and it’s……Big Show. Well that’s kind of a letdown but it’s a good place for a giant. Sheamus throws Swagger out as Show gets in.

The final group: Orton, Sheamus, Jericho, Miz, Cody, Ziggler and Big Show. He puts out Miz and Cody on his own to get us down to five. There goes Ziggler to get us down to the final four. There’s plenty of time left as it’s only 10:37 and the show has been going on a little over 45 minutes. Everyone takes a corner and they all go after Big Show. He throws them off with ease but an RKO puts him down. Orton tosses Show by himself and Jericho tosses Orton.

It’s Sheamus vs. Jericho and they circle each other before going at it. This is kind of a surprising final pairing even though they were some of the early favorites. Jericho is in long tights too. Booker thinks Sheamus winning the Rumble would do something for his career. You can’t buy analysis like this people. Missile dropkick puts Sheamus down. Irish Curse looks to set up the Celtic Cross but Jericho escapes and puts Sheamus on the apron. Jericho kicks him down but Sheamus hooks the rope with his leg. He hits the slingshot to get back in and we keep going.

Sheamus puts Jericho into the apron but the Brogue Kick misses. Jericho gets back in and hooks the Walls of Jericho which Lawler questions the use of but it wore Sheamus down I guess. Jericho sets for a clothesline but Sheamus backdrops him to the apron. Chris hangs on and they go to the corner. Jericho has still gone over the top remember. Sheamus is knocked off and crotched so they’re both on the apron after having gone over the top. And they’re both back in so we continue. This final part has been good so far.

Codebreaker takes Sheamus down and Jericho tries to choke Sheamus over the top. For some reason he slaps Sheamus which is just freaking stupid. Jericho tries to fight back but the Codebreaker is countered and Sheamus sits him on the ropes. Jericho hangs on but Sheamus Brogue Kicks him down and wins the Rumble at 54:48.

Rating: B+. Very good Rumble with a great variety of comedy and wrestling to make it work. It felt somewhat formula based at times but everything in WWE does anymore. It was fun though and it seems that they’re pushing someone new (kind of) for a change which is the best you can ask for in these things.

Overall Rating: B-. Well the final two matches saved it but the first hour of so of this was AWFUL. That being said, the whole point of the show is the Rumble and that was great so I can’t complain about the overall show all that much. A good Rumble can save a show, and it plus the Raw Title match did here. Good show, but only because they have a nearly hour long match to cover up the first hour being awful.

Results
Daniel Bryan b. Mark Henry and Big Show – Bryan escaped the cage
Beth Phoenix/Bella Twins/Natalya b. Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Eve Torres – Glam Slam to Kelly
John Cena vs. Kane went to a double countout
Brodus Clay b. Drew McIntyre – What The Funk
CM Punk b. Dolph Ziggler – GTS
Sheamus won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Chris Jericho

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I’m happy.

Thoughts?

Smackdown
Date: January 20, 2012
Location: Thomas and Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s another world title match tonight, this time with Henry getting his rematch. We’re in Vegas though so tonight, it’s the return of Spin the Wheel Make the Deal (Always thought Raw Roulette was a weak name). That means gimmick matches a go-go and hopefully a little build up to the Rumble other than like 4 guys. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week with AJ getting run over by Big Show.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the ice storm keeping my grandmother in Washington.

Here’s Bryan to open the show. He says the name Sin City Smackdown is appropriate because Big Show committed a sin last week by running over AJ. Show is bitter because his reign was so short. AJ is severely injured and her career may be over. She was out there because she loves Bryan, which no one has ever said to him before. AJ will be here in spirit though. He’s not afraid of Henry or Show either, the latter of which isn’t here tonight. Bryan says that’s good because he couldn’t be held responsible for what he would do to Show. Show should just quit.

There’s a casino setup in the back and it’s basically a party. Aksana and Teddy are talking and sexual shenanigans are implied. Cody interrupts them and says Goldust spun the wheel to get a Vegas Showgirls Match. I’m not sure if he’s serious or not. Cody spins and gets Player’s Choice. He can pick his opponent for his match which is up next. Cody points to the left and says he picks him. At first it appears to be Jackson, then Marella, but it’s really Horny.

Cody Rhodes vs. Hornswoggle

It seems that the newest tagline that they’re trying to get over is that Cody is the last hope for the Rhodes’ Family. Cody shoves Horny down in the aisle but Justin Gabriel runs down for the save. Justin jumps on the match and challenges Cody. Cody insists it’s non-title and it’s on.

Cody Rhodes vs. Justin Gabriel

Justin pounds him down in the corner and a dropkick sends Cody to the ropes. Cody comes back with a dropkick of his own. Off to a chinlock as Horny plays cheerleader. Cody grabs the arm and cranks on it. Cole makes fun of Booker, Josh gets us back to the match, I’m sure you know the drill. Justin comes back with an enzigrui and loads up the 450 but Cody moves. Cole: “How great was that?” Booker: “He just moved.” Backslide gets two for Justin as does a springboard crossbody. Justin tries a monkey flip but gets dropped on the ropes. Cross Rhodes gets the pin at 3:42.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and for a quick match it was fine. Having this be Justin instead of Horny was good as it gets Justin on TV and lets Cody get another impressive looking win. Nothing bad in that and everyone looks a little bit better. Now why can’t we get more matches like this one?

Mark spins the wheel for his title match tonight. He’s not happy with having to do it and blames Teddy for AJ getting hurt last week. It’ll be his fault when Bryan is hurt later. Mark tells Teddy to spin for him and it’s a lumberjack match. That’s cool with Henry.

Epico/Primo vs. Usos

Please don’t have them get squashed. This is a tornado match, meaning tagging isn’t required and everyone is in the ring at once. We get a Siva Tao which makes me very happy. And Booker is playing with toys. Brawl to start and Epico gets beaten down. Jey gets dropped to the floor and it’s a handicap situation for a bit. Jey finally gets back in and the Usos take over with Samoan Twin Magic. Stereo splashes look to set up stereo Umaga corner bumps and they go to the corner. Rosa yells a lot and Jey gets caught. Superfly Splash gets two but Primo makes the save and a Backstabber ends this at 2:40.

Don’t try this at home.

This Rumble Moment: last year with Booker and Nash. Santino coming in at the end had me freaking out. Brilliantly done.

Aksans talks about slot machines and sex jokes are made. Sheamus comes in before this hits PG-13. Sheamus vs. Barrett is a tables match.

It’s time for a dance off. Listen to that pop for Brodus! And yes I know it’s probably canned but I’m loving this character. Booker and Cole lose it over the dinosaur claws thing. I know it’s stupid but my goodness this is great. His opponent: Vickie Guerrero. Vickie says she can dance but she looks like she’s a puppet. Brodus has Cameron and Naomi dance for him first, then shakes more than federal law should allow.

Clay is declared the winner but Vickie protests. She dances more but cue…..William Regal? He defends Vickie who is crying. She leaves and Brodus asks where Regal is going. He calls Regal a funky chicken (then makes Hawk noises)….and it’s on. Regal says hit his music and it’s better than expected, but Aww Funk It. Brodus says someone call his Mama.

Don’t be a bully.

Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett

Tables match. Barrett takes him to the corner to start which is fine for Sheamus as he pounds away. It’s a brawl to start and Barrett is sent to the floor. Sheamus’ back is rammed into the barricade and Barrett gets a table. One gets set up on the floor but Barrett escapes and sends Sheamus into the post to take over. Back inside where there is no table. Barrett almost kicks him off the apron through the table but Sheamus hangs on.

A suplex is countered and Sheamus gets the clubbing forearms on the apron. A running forearm knocks Barrett over the table and slams him into the table at ringside. Sheamus puts another table into the ring but Barrett kicks him in the face. Barrett puts it in instead and Sheamus is in trouble. Wasde sets to drive him through it, only to have Sheamus counter with a sunset flip. Sheamus pounds away and puts him on the table.

Barrett breaks up whatever Sheamus was going to try from the top and tries a superplex. Sheamus breaks it up and jumps over the table then catches Barrett in the Irish Curse. Table is put up in the corner but as Sheamus sets to put him through it, Jinder freaking Mahal comes out for a distraction and Barrett puts Sheamus through it for the win at approximately 9:00 (had some clock issues so that might not be accurate).

Rating: C. The match was fine, but for the life of me I don’t get what they’re shooting for with Mahal. I could understand it if they had him beat Sheamus EVER, but it’s been basically a series of squashes every time they face each other. I don’t get the point of it and I don’t get what they’re trying to do with him. He needs to actually win something to be viewed as a threat, which is what it seems like they’re going with in him.

Post match Mahal sets up a table for Sheamus, but just like every other time, Sheamus shrugs him off and puts Mahal through the table after a Brogue Kick.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

We don’t know the stipulation yet. Teddy spins the wheel and it’s a flag match. You have to get the flag from the corner to win it. They run out and put up the posts with flags. Nice to see them having something that seems spontaneous like that. Quick inset interview has DiBiase saying that Hunico and Camacho can have their own party after losing tonight. Hunico takes him down to start but Dibiase gets in a reverse powerbomb to take over. His attempt at the flag doesn’t work but neither does Hunico’s. DiBiase gets launched to the floor but he manages to shove Hunico off the ropes. Back in DiBiase hits Dream Street and wins at 2:19.

Raw ReBound eats up about four minutes.

Teddy tells Drew that he’s fired. Santino pops up and asks him to reconsider. He doesn’t like the idea that his victory over Drew was a fluke. Unfunny dice jokes are made and Drew has one more chance in a blindfold match. Oh sweet hamburgers.

Don’t try this at home, the Kofi edition.

Santino Marella vs. Drew McIntyre

It’s a blindfold match. Let’s get this over with. The Cobra gets a blindfold too. They throw blind strikes but Santino immediately gets two the pointing with the crowd helping. He has the Cobra loaded up already but Drew tackles him and they stumble to the floor. Drew punches the post and they get back in. Drew peaks but still misses a running boot. Using the audience for help, Santino hits the Cobra and gets the pin at 2:09. I can live with this because they kept it short. Usually these things are like ten minutes long.

Here come the lumberjacks.

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan

Lumberjack match. This gets big match intros, as it should. Bryan gets more boos than cheers. Bryan’s first kick is countered and he gets shoved around with ease. The champ gets knocked to the apron a few times and tells the lumberjacks not to touch him. Henry stands on him chest and takes over with his size. The fans chant Sexual Chocolate. Bryan is knocked to the floor and Barrett tosses him back in.

We take a break and come back to see Bryan getting tossed around again. Bryan goes for the knee and eventually gets Henry down to his knees. A big kick to the head gets two and a power kickout. The lumberjacks won’t throw Bryan back in so once he slides in himself, Mark takes his head off. Henry gets all ticked off and gorilla presses him to the floor. Bryan gets in a fight with the lumberjacks and Henry gets thrown to the floor but they can’t throw him back in. Half of them come in and Henry shoves half of them off. Everyone comes in and it’s thrown out at about 7:15 shown of 10:45. The bell never ended it so that’s a guess.

Rating: D. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: these matches with Bryan vs. giants are only going to be able to be so good, because unless you make one of them look like an idiot, there’s no reasonable way to have Bryan go toe to toe with them. Just like last week, this got pretty boring pretty quickly and there isn’t much of a way around that because nothing Bryan does can hurt Show or Henry.

Bryan escapes and it’s basically a battle royal to end it. Cole freaks at Bryan for leaving. That’s rather smart actually. Teddy yells at Bryan in the back. He makes a triple threat match for the Rumble with Bryan defending against Big Show and Henry in a cage. That’s been the house show main event for a few weeks so that makes sense.

Overall Rating: C-. I really wasn’t feeling this one. It’s certainly not a bad show, but it all depends on how well you like the gimmick. The matches were really nothing interesting at all but they fit with the feuds (mostly) and we got our world title match for the PPV. Not a great show at all but it got some stuff for the PPV and had some fun moments so it’s not all bad. I’m not a fan of the gimmick though, so your personal opinion may vary.

Results
Cody Rhodes b. Justin Gabriel – Cross Rhodes
Epico/Primo b. Usos – Backstabber to Jimmy
Wade Barrett b. Sheamus – Barrett put Sheamus through a table
Ted DiBiase b. Hunico – DiBiase captured the flag
Santino Marella b. Drew McIntyre – Cobra
Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry went to a no contest when the lumberjacks interfered

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Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

Another Friday, another Smackdown. The main event tonight is Show vs. Bryan again, but this time it’s no DQ and no countout. They’re stacking the deck against Bryan, but that means he’ll probably escape with the title as that’s how most of these matches work on these big TV shows. Should be interesting though. Let’s get to it.

They do the thing where the show starts with what seems like a promo.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is Perez Hilton, who WWE.com says will be refereeing a match on Raw.

Lillian opens the show by bringing out Daniel Bryan. The fans don’t seem thrilled to see him. He’s being booed now but it’s not full blown yet. Once he talks about Big Show and defeating him last week it is though. Bryan says the fans on the message rooms and chatrooms (seriously?) because those people saying that he goaded Henry into doing that are wrong.

Bryan calls for Henry’s suspension for ruining the match and here’s Henry in the flesh. He yells at Bryan and says he had a meeting with Teddy as well. Due to Bryan goading him, he’s banned from ringside tonight. Bryan says that’s good so Henry calls him Tiny Tim. If Henry stays out of it tonight, he gets a shot next week.

Kofi says don’t try this at home, school or anywhere.

Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater

This is due to Gabriel making the save last week after Slater attacked Hornswoggle. They speed things up to start as Booker says Slater is just some guidance away from being something special. Gabriel kicks him in the face to take over but walks into a neckbreaker for two. Slater goes up but Horny’s music hits. The distraction lets Gabriel knock him down so that the 450 can get Gabriel the win at 2:46.

Bryan is warming up when AJ comes up. She’s proud of him and says she loves him. She leaves and Bryan seems pleased.

The Rumble Moment is from 1998 with Austin winning his first.

Here’s Cody to make fun of the people in Laredo only speaking Spanish. He wants to remind everyone that he’s been IC Champion for five months, which is cinco if the people are confused. He lists off some names he’s been champion longer than. Cody says he’s going to pull an Ultimate Warrior (which could mean a lot of things. His words, not mine) but he means being a double champion. He officially announces that he’s in the Rumble.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody takes over to start and Cole gets into it with Booker in possibly record time. Rhodes stomps him down and Josh does his usual job of getting us back on track by asking Booker what his thoughts are on Cody’s plans to be a double champion. Booker says good luck and it’s back to him vs. Cole. Total squash as the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes end this at 2:15.

You still shouldn’t try this at home.

Edge’s HOF video.

Santino is giving Teddy some new match ideas. A cage match with a giant cage with a medium cage inside and a small cage inside of that. Santino’s next idea is to go back and reverse Jack Tunney’s decision about allowing reptiles at ringside. Teddy has no idea what he’s talking about so Otunga pops up. They talk about the Rumble and David is here to get the names of the Smackdown guys in the Rumble. This turns into Santino vs. Otunga later. They leave and someone knocks. Teddy thinks it’s Aksana but it’s McIntyre. Teddy says he’s getting close to being fired so win tonight. Drew tries to talk but gets thrown out.

Drew McIntyre vs. Ted DiBiase

Hunico and Camaco on the BICYCLE OF DEATH come out pre match. Drew hits a very fast big boot for two. Hunico jumps in on commentary as Drew is knocked to the floor where DiBiase hits a nice suicide dive. Drew takes over again and I think Camacho is on commentary as well. Hunico says DiBiase should have one of his parties in the barrio. DiBiase comes back with the following clothesline for two. Ted jumps into a punch which gets two for McIntyre. Camacho says Hunico saved his life in the barrio which is why Camacho hangs out with him. Drew gets crotched on the top and Dream Street ends this at 3:46.

Rating: D+. Nothing here but the main idea was to have Hunico and Camacho further the story with Ted which is fine. Not a great match or anything but it did its job and that’s all it needed to do. I’m still amazed at how far Drew has fallen since he was so dominant for so long. It really goes to show you what getting beaten up by a blonde in a hotel room can do to your career.

Video on Wade Barrett’s career accomplishments thus far.

Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal says something we can’t understand but apparently it translates to he’s going to win the Rumble. Sheamus pounds him into the corner, beating him like a stepchild as he’s done in almost all of their matches. He loads up the Cross but Jinder rolls to the floor. Slingshot shoulder gets two. There are the forearms in the ropes but Mahal gets in an elbow to escape. A jumping knee to the face gets one. Neckbreaker gets two and there’s the chinlock. Sheamus powers out of it and now hits the forearms. Top rope shoulder puts Jinder down and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:53.

Rating: D+. For the life of me I do not understand what they want to do with Mahal. They had him run through jobbers to start, then they had him come back against DiBiase now they have him get built up for a bit but Sheamus beats him about 4 times in about 15 minutes combined. I don’t get it. This was just a step above a squash.

The referee is talking to Show in the back. Show says he knows the rules and everything is cool. Cue AJ who comes up to Show’s nipples. She’s worried about Daniel but Show says he’s not out to hurt Daniel. Bryan pops up and accuses Show of trying to steal his girl. Show says the title has changed Bryan and he’s not sure if it’s for the better. After tonight, that won’t be a problem. Show leaves and Bryan asks AJ if Show intimidated her. AJ says no and Bryan says he won’t let anything happen to her.

Don’t be a bully.

Another Rumble Moment: HHH wins in 2002.

Santino Marella vs. David Otunga

I don’t see the string of short matches being broken here. They go to the mat quickly with Santino being in control. Otunga takes him down and yells a lot but gets rolled up for two. An elbow drop gets two for David. Santino comes back with his usual stuff but the Cobra is blocked. Otunga grabs him into a fireman’s carry but tilts him down, driving him into kind of a reverse Emerald Flowsion. Imagine the same style move but starting in a Samoan Drop position instead of a powerslam position. Either way it gets the pin at 2:12.

The Horsemen are going to the HOF.

Still don’t try this at home. They’re drilling this into us tonight. Not a bad thing but they’re saying it a lot.

Raw ReBound eats up some time. Ryder isn’t severely hurt. Thank goodness.

IT’S FUNKASAURUS TIME!!!

Brodus Clay vs. Tyson Kidd

He gets the same entrance as on Raw, and the biggest thing he’s got going for him: he’s giving this everything he’s got. That sentence took longer than the match. Cross body and we’re done in 12 seconds. Literally, that’s it. You can’t say he’s forgettable.

Teddy is dancing to Clay’s song when Aksana comes in. She asks about the show in Vegas next week and Teddy implies stuff happening there. She wants to go to the roulette tables so she can hit on black. That chokes Teddy up but he says he’s fine.

Video on Santino, who is apparently tough.

Another Rumble video, this time on Shawn.

Tamina vs. Natalya

Natalya starts fast with a slap and suplex for two. Samoan drop, Superfly Splash, pin at 56 seconds. WHY DO THEY BOTHER WITH THESE THINGS???

As Tamina is leaving, Barrett comes out. I don’t think they’re related though. He says he’s not impressed by Sheamus, that he’ll win the Rumble, and God save the Queen. And that’s it. Ok then.

Same Kofi promo from earlier. That’s 4 times tonight.

Sheamus vs. Barrett next week, along with Henry’s title shot.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan

No DQ and no countout here with Henry getting the winner next week. AJ comes out too and my goodness she looks good. Bryan offers a handshake but Show gorilla presses him instead. There are the chops in the corner and a big toss. Bryan can sell quite well. Bryan gets in a few kicks in the corner but as he goes up, Show spears him out of the air and Bryan falls to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Show putting Bryan on the table and slapping him hard. Bryan manages to get a chair and hit about ten shots. Show shrugs them off and gets the chair. Bryan looks TERRIFIED. Show is smiling and the fans are cheering for him. Bryan manages to knock him off the apron and hit a few more shots but Show knocks it away again like it’s nothing. Back in the ring more kicks don’t do much to Show. A DDT onto the chair gets two and a power kickout from Show. Show slaps Bryan’s chest and takes over again.

Chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a chop block. Back to the chair but Show punches it back, sending it partially into Bryan’s face. They go outside and Show sets up the announce table. Bryan breaks up the chokeslam and hits about 4 more chair shots, bringing the total up to around 20. He tries the running knee off the apron but jumps into a chop. Bryan runs and Show accidentally runs over AJ. The match is stopped and we’re done at roughly 8:15 shown of roughly 11:45.

Rating: C-. I liked the idea here, but at the end of the day we got the point about halfway through this: Bryan can’t hurt Show no matter what he does to him. After we established that, they basically did the same thing over and over again. It wasn’t a bad match, but it was repetitive. That’s what I was kind of worried about when this feud started.

AJ goes out on a stretcher. Show looks like he’s about to cry. It didn’t look like there was a ton of contact but the size difference makes up for it I guess. Bryan rips into Show, yelling about how the title isn’t worth this and calls Show a bastard. But did Show’s mama say so? Show is distraught to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. One thing Smackdown is really good at: they cover A LOT of stuff in one show. There were 8 matches, and yes most of them were really short, but it’s an old school style as it allows them to cover a bunch of stories in one show. With the Rumble coming up, most of the roster is only really going to be able to say that they’re going to win the Rumble and that’s about it. The PPV will be about four matches long so most of the people have no reason to get into major stories, which is fine. Good show, but the short matches got a bit annoying.

Results
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson – Cross Rhodes
Ted DiBiase b. Drew McIntyre – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Over the shoulder piledriver
Brodus Clay b. Tyson Kidd – Cross body
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan went to a no contest

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Smackdown
Date: December 30, 2011
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the final show of the year and we close things out with the Blue Guys. As long as it’s not Blue Meanie I’m cool with that. Anyway tonight we should get some advancement in the three way world title feud. I hope they don’t make Bryan look like a joke in this that can’t get in any offense and has to escape with whatever kind of win he can get. Those title reigns completely defeat the purpose of being a champion. Then again so does MITB in general but whatever. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Barrett vs. Orton. Their match tonight is the main event and it’s falls count anywhere. I’m curious to see how this ends, which I’m sure you’ve heard about already.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is the number 2012, since I’ll be writing 2011 for at least two more weeks.

Here’s Booker coming out to do commentary. You know, his job. I wonder if he gets his pay docked for being late like this. He talks about how this has been a great year for him, starting with the Rumble and then joining the commentary booth. Then on Monday he beat Cody Rhodes and that’s all because of the fans. He goes for his catchphrase but here’s Cody to interrupt him.

Cody makes fun of local spots teams and the Indy 500 because that’s what heels do. No seriously, it’s a fine way to get the crowd booing you so why not do it? Rhodes talks about his year, ranging from being injured to beating Mysterio to winning the IC Title. Then he took a washed up announcer and pushed him to regain some of his former glory. Booker says that when he beat Cody on Monday, he wasn’t that washed up. If Cody respected the business, he’d be congratulating Booker right now.

The champ actually agrees and says that he doesn’t want to come off as some kind of bitter jerk because he’s better than that. He actually congratulates Booker and offers a handshake. Booker shakes it and gets in his face a bit but turns to leave. Cody says of course now this is all over. Booker isn’t sure what he means by that, but Cody says the fairy tale is over and Booker is nothing but a nostalgia act. If Booker keeps competing, his skills will be exposed as being gone. If he goes back to announcing, he’ll be exposed as an illiterate moron. In short, Booker is a joke.

Cue….Dustin Rhodes? He comes out to the Goldust music but he’s in a suit and no makeup. Dustin says he loves his brother very much but Cody is going about this all wrong. Booker is someone that Cody should respect because it was Booker that inspired Dustin to face his demons and make a comeback. Dustin gets the idea of building your own legacy, but don’t do it at Booker’s expense. Cody knows better than this.

Cody chuckles at this and says that as soon as Booker stopped teaming with him, Dustin fell back into those demons and then into utter obscurity. Booker gets in Cody’s face and asks for a third match with Cody since it’s one apiece at the moment. He wants to do it right now but Cody says we’ll do it next week. Booker says that next week it’ll be a celebration when he becomes the new Intercontinental Champion. Booker leaves and Cody beats Dustin down. Booker makes the save but Cody is long gone. Not a bad opening segment.

Tonight’s main event: it’s a tag team match!

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

If DiBiase is supposed to be this everyman now, shouldn’t he lose the I’m Rich theme song? They exchange quick control to start but Mahal keeps his, hitting a Vader Bomb knee drop for two. The crowd isn’t exactly thrilled by DiBiase vs. Legs Mahal here. Ted gets in a few shots to slow Mahal down but tweeks his knee coming off the top. A Downward Spiral (so fed up with that move) sets up the Camel Clutch and Dibiase surprisinly taps at 2:50. Didn’t see that one coming.

Teddy is talking about his New Year’s Eve party tomorrow night when Aksana comes in. More flirtations are made and Drew McIntyre comes in. He’s been signed back to Smackdown and Teddy is willing to forgive him. Drew isn’t going to get paid what he was getting earlier when his career has fallen apart. He gets Big Zeke tonight and if he doesn’t win, his job might be in jeopardy. Drew talks about the time he made Teddy beg for mercy and says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Jackson.

Alicia Fox/Kaitlyn vs. Natalya/Tamina

Tamina looks better with straight hair. The lack of JTG helps a lot also. Tamina vs. Kaitlyn starts us off. The evil ones take over on Kaitlyn and beat her down. Something like a Michinoku Driver by Natalya does nothing here as Kaitlyn makes the tag about two seconds later. Alicia hits the axe kick on Nattie for the pin at 1:34. Why do they bother with these matches? I honestly don’t know.

Tamina beats up Natalya post match, including a Superfly Splash.

Don’t be a bully.

Raw ReBound eats up some time.

We get a standard recap of Show vs. Otunga on Monday with Henry coming in as well. Bryan made the save.

Speaking of Bryan, he’s in the back talking with AJ (who looks GREAT tonight in a black cut off top and jeans) about how he saved Big Show. Show comes up and asks to talk to Bryan alone. Show says that giants don’t really need to be saved. Teddy comes in and says that the tag match main event won’t be happening tonight as Otunga wants a rematch with Show. Henry will be in his corner. Bryan implies he’ll have Show’s back but doesn’t exactly say it.

Justin Gabriel vs. Hunico

I think there’s new music for Gabriel but I’m not 100% sure. Hunico comes out on a lowrider bicycle with his new bodyguard who used to be in FCW and is named Camacho here. I don’t remember his FCW name. Further investigations (as in I looked it up on Wikipedia) says that his name there is Donny Marlow and his dad is more famous as Meng or Haku.

Cole says he has a lot of knowledge about lowrider bicycles. Hunico gets sent to the floor and Gabriel misses a dive. Cole gives us the history of lowrider bikes and all I can think of is….why? There’s something about Eddie Munster mentioned in there. Justin misses a springboard something coming back in but hits a powerbomb style move to take over. Hunico breaks up the 450 and brings Gabriel down so that the Swanton can end this at 1:48. This was nothing and Camacho didn’t get involved at all.

Hunico/Camacho hit something like Cryme Tyme’s old finisher to leave Gabriel on the mat (Samoan Drop/neckbreaker combo).

Big Show vs. David Otunga

If nothing else we get the big knockout punch from last week which still looks great. Otunga has really long arms. Henry gets his own entrance. Show beats him down as Otunga tries to get in whatever offense he can. David bails to the floor where Henry gives him something resembling a pep talk. Back in a shoulder block puts Otunga down as does a corner splash. Henry gets on the apron to distract from the chokeslam and Otunga hits a chop block and DDT for two. Henry goes to get in the ring but Bryan pops up with a belt shot to stop him. The big punch knocks Otunga out cold at 3:24.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here and that’s about it. Bryan coming out didn’t really mean anything or add anything as it wasn’t like Show needed help. Also it doesn’t help that he looks like a mosquito who keeps running in and hitting people then running. Nothing to see here but Otunga can sell a punch really well.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Drew McIntyre

Jackson has some hair now. We get Drew’s full entrance and I miss his song. Big Zeke controls with power for a few moments but Drew takes over pretty quickly. Jackson beats him down more and this match isn’t going to last long. A big boot by Drew gets two. Northern lights suplex gets two. Jackson backdrops him and the fans don’t care. Side slam gets two for the power man. Torture Rack is countered and Drew gets a boot up in the corner. It gets two even with his feet on the ropes. Drew argues with the ropes and Jackson rolls him up (with a big handful of tights) for the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D-. Terribly boring match here and I have no idea what the point of it was. Drew has fallen so far in the last year and a half that it’s almost scary. I don’t get the point in having Jackson use the tights but maybe it’ll be addressed in the future. Jackson is pretty worthless as he isn’t interesting at all and now he has to cheat to win matches over Drew Freaking McIntyre? Not a good match at all.

Video on Sheamus. I think they aired this months ago. I remember the rock version of Written In My Face.

Drew yells about the tights in the back and Teddy says he can’t stand losers. He’s a ticked off Peanut here. Old school fans will get that joke.

Here’s Sheamus for a little chat. “What’s the crack Indianapolis?” Is that an Irish thing? He wants to talk about the future and by that he means the Royal Rumble. The winner gets a title match at Wrestlemania. He doesn’t care who he eliminates because he’s going to win the Rumble. Cue Hornswoggle to get on my nerves. Horny is going to enter the Rumble as well because miracles like Bryan beating Big Show can happen. He says he’ll win (only saying his own name). Sheamus admires that and gives us some Irish folk lore or whatever you want to call it. He gets all mean but is only playing.

Cue Heath Slater who is a breath of air. I can’t stand Horny at all. Slater mentions guys like Bushwhacker Luke and the Brooklyn Brawler, who fall into the same category as Horny: the guy that says they’ll win and is a joke. Slater says he’s the greatest redhead on Smackdown and the only reason Horny won the battle royal was because Sheamus didn’t want to squash a leprechaun. Slater doesn’t have that problem though. Sheamus gets in his face and….sings Don’t Stop Believin. Ok then. Sheamus says he sees Slater as more of an R. Kelly kind of guy, because he believes he can fly, and there goes Slater. That was…yeah.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater

Kind of awkward here as Sheamus was celebrating after throwing Slater out and we went to a break. Back and they’re having a match. Sheamus pounds him down and works on the arm and then throws Heath to the apron. Slater slaps him and that was very stupid, so here are ten forearms to the chest for his efforts. Sheamus keeps countering him but Slater drop toeholds him into the middle buckle. Slater gets him onto the mat and hooks a chinlock. The counter to that triggers Sheamus’ comeback which consists of forearms to the back, a top rope shoulder and the Brogue Kick for the pin at 4:45 shown.

Rating: D+. The Rumble is probably the best thing that could possibly happen to Sheamus at this point. He doesn’t have anything to do on Smackdown as it was looking like he was the next opponent for Henry but then Henry got hurt so they had to go to the Bryan reign. Since then he’s just been beating up random people without breaking a sweat, which can only get you so far.

Bryan is talking to Teddy when Show comes in. He’s getting annoyed at Bryan for always being there. Bryan wants a thank you for being there to bail Show out. They start growling at each other and we’re told that it’s Show vs. Bryan for the title next week. Show laughs a lot at that. Bryan says even if he loses, his reign lasted longer than 45 seconds.

Whoever they are, they’re still coming. I’m kind of curious about that but I’m expecting a letdown.

We hype the three big title matches spread over the next week of shows.

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Falls count anywhere. Slugout to start and Orton hammers him into the corner. Out to the floor and Barrett goes into the steps for two. With Barrett’s head on the steps, a stomp gets two. Usually that would crack a skull but in wrestling it only gets two. That’s why I love this stuff. RKO is countered and Orton goes into the post as we take a break.

Back with them in the ring and Barrett hammering away. He hits that running boot to Orton as Orton is sitting on the middle rope which gets two on the floor. Big boot in the ring gets two and we hit the chinlock. Middle rope elbow gets the same. Back to the chinlock as this has been a lot more basic than I was expecting. Orton gets in the powerslam but Barrett escapes the elevated DDT by heading to the floor.

Orton throws him over the table and they go into the crowd. They go into the back and Orton goes through a table. Randy sends him into an anvil case as Barrett tries to escape down the hall. The referee went down earlier so he’s not here. They fight into an elevator and we actually cut to a security camera feed in the elevator.

They brawl out into what looks like a corporate area and a cameraman has to run to catch up to them. The camera goes through a door and we hear shouting and a crash. He catches up to them and Barrett is standing at the top of a flight of steps. Orton is laying at the bottom in a shape that probably isn’t that comfortable. The camera looks down at him as he can barely move and we go off the air.

Rating: C. Pretty boring main event for the most part but once they got to the wild brawl it wasn’t that bad. Word is Orton has a legit bad back so this is the angle that they’re going with to write him off TV for awhile. That’s fine and not having a pin works here because there’s no point in having a pin with that being the closing shot of the show. Not terrible and the ending did the job it was supposed to do.

Overall Rating: C. I wasn’t huge on this show. The point of it was to get Orton off TV for awhile and that worked out pretty well. Barrett looks great and we have a world title match set for next week. I’m honestly not sure what they’re going to do with Bryan as the way he won the title makes him look like a fluke and there’s a chance they’ll pull it off of him with a Show heel turn. Either way, not a horrible show but nothing at all worth going out of your way to see.

Results
Jinder Mahal b. Ted DiBiase – Camel Clutch
Alicia Fox/Kaitlyn b. Natalya/Tamina – Axe Kick to Natalya
Hunico b. Justin Gabriel – Swanton Bomb
Big Show b. David Otunga – WMD
Drew McIntyre b. Ezekiel Jackson – Rollup
Sheamus b. Heath Slater – Brogue Kick
Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton went to a no contest

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Smackdown
Date: November 29, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

This is a special edition of the show as it’s airing live on Tuesday. Also it’s the holiday episode, which I think is a catch all for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is next month but whatever. Foley is the host for the evening and we have a world title match in a cage with Henry vs. Bryan. Let’s get to it.

The show opens with fake snow and Josh saying there was a snow storm that started a few seconds ago.

Here’s Foley. There’s a Christmas set. Aren’t they pulling this out a little early? I mean we have Christmas music, Foley in a Santa suit, Christmas lights at the table and all that jazz. He points out that it’s still November but he’s a Christmas fanatic. What Good Old JR is to barbecue sauce and what the Ultimate Warrior is to arm tassels, he is to Christmas. For us tonight, we have a world title match between Tiny Tim and the Ghost of Christmas Fear inside a steel cage. There’s also a miracle on 34th street fight, an over the top rope battle royal where the winner gets their Christmas wish granted…and Michael Cole.

Foley can’t get around the contract and Cole’s legal team, but he can pick how Cole has to dress. Cue Cole in a Rudolph costume. Josh is in an elf outfit so he can’t complain much. Foley also brings out Booker, who is also in a Santa outfit. Foley asks for a Spinarooni to make up for This is your Life from a few weeks ago. It’s set to the Dradle Song because they both spin. The hat comes off but the fans cheer for it so all is well.

Cue Cody all in white. Well mostly in white. He says that he’s seeing clearly now and says that he’s not going to let someone take up the time when that person can’t perform in the ring anymore. Booker says he can still go and calls Cody son. Foley cuts Cody off and makes Booker vs. Cody for later. No word on if this is for the title or not. First up, let’s have a Divas match.

Alicia Fox vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Natalya vs. Kaitlyn vs. AJ vs. Tamina vs. Aksana

This is a mistletoe on a pole match, which means you have to climb up and get the mistletoe. The winner gets something they can cash in before Christmas. Brie wins at 57 seconds after climbing on Nikki. I have no idea if I got all the competitors or not, not do I care.

Foley says Brie gets to kiss any superstar she wants before Christmas. Ok then.

Justin Gabriel vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal runs down Christmas before the show starts. We hear about how Mahal has hates DiBiase for giving away all his money. Cue DiBiase in a Santa hat with a bag. He throws out WWE gifts to fans. The distraction lets Gabriel hit an STO and the 450 for the pin at 2:15.

Foley is learning the Siva Tao from the Usos when Piper comes up. He wants a new straightjacket for Christmas. Horny and some good looking woman are having egg nog. Dusty Rhodes is here. He offers Horny a picture of Lagy Gaga and something about sandwich. Dusty says there are some strange people here and turns around into Goldust. There’s something awesome about that. Oh the chick is Maxine.

Piper is talking to someone when Otunga comes up with the coffee cup and has an announcement from Johnny Ace. The holiday music has to be in the public domain. Eh we might as well shut the party down now. Foley and Piper are like dude…..you are in WAY over your head. Foley puts Otunga in the street fight tonight against Randy Orton.

We recap Booker vs. Cody. Booker is in the back when Cody jumps him with the belt, injuring his arm.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tyson Kidd

This should be good. Booker vs. Cody is officially off. Tyson has hair now. They start off pretty fast and both guys go down off a double clothesline. Kidd hits the floor to avoid Trouble in Paradise but Kofi hits a dropkick out there anyway. Kofi gets in Cole’s face for some reason and steals the reindeer hat. Kidd gets in a shot and somehow this isn’t a double countout yet. Kofi puts the hat and nose on, finishing with the top rope cross body at 3:33.

Rating: C. Total comedy match and that’s fine. The idea of the reindeer flying to end it was good but we need to get Bourne back already so Kofi can defend the title instead of just holding it. I think he’s due back tomorrow or something so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Decent match but with more time it would have been even better.

Kaitlyn tells Horny he should wish to be taller. Teddy and Sheamus are talking and Sheamus asks what the winner of the battle royal (20 man) gets. Teddy doesn’t know but whatever it is, it’ll be worth it. Cue Aksana who has mistletoe with her. And Aksana eats it instead of kissing Teddy.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga

This is a street fight. There are a bunch of Christmas trees at ringside as well as presents that slide around the floor. Otunga is in red shorts now instead of his normal trunks. Randy throws him into a bunch of trees and then the announce table. There’s a tray of cookies there so Orton has a bite, gives a face as if to say not bad, then smacks Otunga with the tray.

He grabs a wreath off the post, shouts HO HO HO in Otunga’s face (legit made me laugh) and sends him into the steps. Otunga goes under the ring and finds a kendo stick made to look like a candy cane. Orton takes him down though and beats Otunga with it as Otunga runs. Orton picks up a present and chucks it at David’s head to knock him down.

They go up the stage and Otunga goes into the big tree. There’s an elevated DDT to the floor but Barrett runs out for the beatdown. It would have helped a lot had Orton not looked over his shoulder just before the DDT. The big boot he takes Orton down with gets two and Otunga’s time is measured in seconds. There’s the finishing sequence and the RKO ends this at 7:38.

Rating: C+. This was meant to be a totally fun match and that’s all it was ever supposed to be. Barrett running in even advances the storyline a bit and it helped things somewhat. I had a very good time with this but I’m a total Christmas geek so I’m about as biased as you can be here. Fun match and it worked all around.

Henry is getting taped up and Teddy comes in. Mark yells at him and says he’ll take his anger out on Bryan.

Battle Royal

There are twenty people in this and I’ll let you figure out who all is in it yourselves. I see Mahal, Slater, the Usos, Jackson, Sheamus, O’Neil, Watson, DiBiase, Hunico, Reks, Gabriel, Kidd and Horny. Sheamus is by far the biggest name in this. Hawkins and Young are in there. Young is out quickly as is I think Jey Uso. JTG is in this and as soon as I say this he’s eliminated. DiBiase and Gabriel try to get Hawkins out but can’t quite do it. Kofi and Yoshi Tatsu are in this and I think that’s everyone.

There goes Hawkins at the hands of Big Zeke. We get the showdown with Jackson and Sheamus with with pale One beating him down. Jackson sets for a big clotheline but Sheamus ducks to put him out. Johnny Curtis was the 20th guy in there and Sheamus puts him out easily. Kofi puts out the other Uso but Kidd dropkicks Kingston out seconds later.

Tatsu is gone and Kidd skins the cat and pulls out DiBiase at the same time. Horny slips out from the floor and pulls Kidd out. We take a break with about 8 people left. Back with eight people left: O’Neil, Hunico, Gabriel, Mahal, Reks, Sheamus, Slater and Horny. Gabriel tries to jump on the apron but Mahal knocks him to the floor. Clash of the Titus puts Reks down but he barks too much and Sheamus puts him out. Dang it I wanted him to wish for NXT to end.

Slater and Mahal jump Sheamus but he explodes and beats everyone down. Everyone goes to the floor through the ropes and beats Sheamus down. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so now everyone but Sheamus is in. It’s Mahal, Hunico, Slater and Reks. Mahal says we need to go find Horny. They all pick a side of the ring and dive under the ring. Mahal catches him and it’s 4-1. Slater shoves him down as does Hunico.

They all carefully stomp him but before the toss him Sheamus is back in. There goes Reks and Hucio is out as well. Mahal is out and a Brogue Kick puts Slater down. Ok so it’s Horny vs. Sheamus. Oh good grief. Horny says bring it on and Sheamus isn’t sure what to say. He tells Horny to get out but Horny tells him to get out. He kicks Sheamus in the shins but Sheamus grabs him by the beard and starts putting him out but Horny grabs the top rope. Sheamus gets on the apron and detatches him but Horny won’t get off the apron. Sheamus tries to talk to him and they hug, but Horny shoves him off for the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. This was fun until the end, when it just got stupid. Why in the world would have put Horny over here for the sake of a comedy bit? Well at least this is for an obscure prize instead of something like a title shot so it could be a lot worse. Ok maybe not a lot worse but it could be worse.

Sheamus teases anger but smiles and Horny celebrates.

Ricardo hits on the Bellas at the party as Piper talks to Dusty. They’re talking about Cena and Dusty thinks it’s ridiculous to think the fans are going to get to Cena. Santa comes up and sits down for Horny to ask for his wish. There’s something about celery, Jonas Salk, Peter Falk and chalk. Foley has it wrong and it’s that Horny wants to TALK. They hug and Horny can speak. He goes around using his new powers and calls Vickie a grandma. Foley pops up in a Cactus Jack shirt and Santa is gone. Piper and Dream have no idea what’s going on and I don’t really want the answer.

AJ comes up to wish Bryan luck. Bryan tells Striker he’s ready.

The cage is lowered.

The Slammys are in two weeks.

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan

We even get big match intros. The winner gets Big Show at TLC. Bryan runs for the corner almost immediately. You can win by pin, submission or escape. Bryan keeps trying to run and avoid corners. He wisely goes for the bad leg so Henry throws him into the cage. He splashes Bryan against the wall and we take a break. Back with Henry still dominating. We get a clip from during the break with Henry pulling Bryan back and in essence sling shotting him into the cage.

Time for a nerve hold to waste some time. Bryan fires off a dropkick but Henry kills him with a clothesline. The leg is wearing out though as he kind of falls into the cover for two. Bryan wakes up and goes crazy on the ankle, getting Henry down on the mat and screaming in pain. Bryan climbs but Henry makes the catch, crotching Bryan on the ropes. Henry goes for the door but Bryan grabs the ankle again. Bryan fires off a dropkick to the knee and hooks the LeBell Lock but Henry powers out of it.

Off to an ankle lock and the place is really getting into this. Henry kicks Bryan off but he can’t get up to follow up on it. The challenger goes up but gets his tights partially pulled down. Now Henry goes up but Bryan follows him. He gets over the top but Henry grabs the arm and pulls him back in. There’s some good drama in this. Henry tries a powerbomb out of the corner but Bryan climbs over the top. Henry pulls him back in again and headbutts him into the World’s Strongest Slam from the top. And that takes care of Bryan at 11:15.

Rating: B. Good main event here and the drama towards the end was solid. I don’t think anyone had any realistic reason to believe that Bryan was going to win and they shouldn’t have. He’s a midcard guy getting his first chance in there with the big boys and he’s not ready for the title yet. Still though, very solid main event and Henry gets a win that he’s been lacking recently.

Overall Rating: A-. WWE is on a ROLL right now with their TV shows. Last night was great and tonight was as well. The idea that seems to work for them is to not linger on stuff too long and most importantly, not go back to things over and over again. This show was fine with all of its holiday themes and I liked it a lot. It could have been better, but if they were hoping to show that Smackdown can work live, they nailed it here. Good stuff again.

Results
Brie Bella won a Mistletoe On A Pole Match
Justin Gabriel b. Jinder Mahal – 450 Splash
Kofi Kingston b. Tyson Kidd – Top Rope Cross Body
Randy Orton b. David Otunga – RKO
Hornswoggle won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan – World’s Strongest Slam from the middle rope

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Smackdown
Date: November 18, 2011
Location: Webster Bank Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

With two days to go before the PPV, most of the card is already set. Rock/Cena will probably be the focal point of the talking which is fine, as long as the rest of the show gets some talking too. Big Show vs. Henry should get a good solid push here and somehow I’m looking forward to that. If they keep it at about ten minutes max it could be ok. Let’s get to it.

We open with Henry in the back choking away at Bryan and beating the tar out of him. He yells about disrespect and carries him into the arena. They hit the ring and Bryan is destroyed with the Slam. Referees come out so Bryan takes another slam. He grabs a mic and says that either he or Big Show is leaving MSG on a stretcher, and it won’t be him.

Show isn’t scheduled to wrestle tonight.

The main event is Orton/Sheamus vs. Barrett/Orton.

Sin Cara vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is non-title. Pre-match, Vickie announces that Dolph is fighting twice at the PPV as he did I think last time. The opponent this time is Morrison. The lights are changed again. I wonder if that’s the case during the Survivor Series match as well. Ziggler stalls a bit then takes Cara to the mat with a fireman’s carry. Cara finally gets some speed going with the Tajiri elbow and a suicide dive to the floor to take out the champ.

Dolph gets a boot to Cara as he comes in and drops an elbow. He botches the nipup a bit but points for trying. Hashtag heel hooks something like a Fujiwara Armbar but Cara comes up with strikes and the spinning wrist drag out of the corner. An enziguri from the apron sets up a misses swanton. Cara tries to roll him up but Dolph reverses and uses the tights for the pin at 5:25.

Rating: C-. This match never got going. They started off slow and other than the dive to the floor, nothing exciting ever really happened. It’s good that Dolph didn’t lose again as he’s got enough people chasing him so far. Not a horrible match, but absolutely nothing past first gear in this one.

Ziggy talks some trash so Cara beats him up like a rudo. This draws out Swagger and Ryan in that order for the saves.

Mason Ryan vs. Jack Swagger

Here’s the rare joined in progress match. Swagger takes him to the mat as I don’t think this has been going on very long so far. Ryan tries a powerslam but Swagger reverses and takes him down with a Vader Bomb for two. Off to a double chickenwing as this is rapidly approaching Ryan’s limit as far as time goes. Here’s his comeback with a powerslam as Cole talks about all of the big moments in SS history. Full nelson doesn’t work but the second attempt does. The slam ends this clean at 6:18 shown.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here but Ryan getting all the ring time he can is the right thing for him now. It’s not like Swagger is worth anything as a win anymore but Ryan got some experience which he needs. He’s got a LONG way to go and ring time is all that’s going to help him at this point.

Alicia Fox hits on Gabriel in the back when Ryder comes up and asks for a signature in exchange for a shirt. Show comes up and signs also. Ryder and Gabriel aren’t cool with Show being here because he wasn’t around for the beatdown earlier. Show asks where Mark is but goes to find Daniel instead.

Here’s Christian who is all banged up with a neck injury as well as his legit bad ankle. Christian insists he fought Sheamus last week as well as all over Europe, during which he hurt his ankle. It may keep him out for a few months but he’ll be cheering on Team Barrett on Sunday. Normally he’d be asking for one more match for the world title, but instead here he’s wanting one more match period. The fans don’t care about his pain and he says he’s a man. The people make him sick though and he’s through with all of them.

Bryan is in the trainers’ room with AJ for some reason. Show comes in and says it’s his fault. He’ll go find Henry.

Ted DiBiase vs. Derrick Bateman

THEN WHY IS HE ON NXT??? Whatever, as it’s not worth thinking about. Maxine interferes a bit and allows Bateman to take over. This isn’t going to last long I don’t think. NXT is discussed a bit as Bateman hooks that half nelson which was in every match on NXT this past week. I was right as Dream Street ends this at 2:50.

Show searches for Henry but finds Tyson Kidd and Jinder Mahal, who says something in whatever language he speaks. “You want to repeat that in English?” “No.” PUNCH. Show was also told Henry left the building.

Here’s Show in the ring and he says that the match could have happened tonight. However if that happened, he would have beaten Henry down so badly it would have been a disqualification and no new champion. Show has a piece of his favorite footage which is where Show had his leg broken by Henry. He says it’ll be Henry that is carried out of Survivor Series and there will be a new champion. Show holds up his fist and says it’s coming for him. He yells at the camera as his music plays.

Kofi Kingston vs. Hunico

Hunico says something in Spanish before the bell. Kofi grabs the arm to start and we hit the ropes a bit. Kofi sets for a monkey flip but Hunico fires a dropkick into the ribs to take over. Hunico with a chinlock and Booker says Kofi might tap. Has anyone ever given up to one of those? These two aren’t really clicking so far. Off to something like an abdominal stretch on the mat. Kofi makes his comeback as we talk about the elimination match some more. There’s the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. The top rope cross body is rolled through for two but SOS gets the pin at 5:00.

Rating: C. I kind of liked this for how basic it was: it was a heel vs. a face with the brawler vs. the high flier and the high flier hitting a speed move to win it. What more can you really ask for in five minutes? I liked it here and it worked pretty well given what they had. Setting up the PPV match is always a good thing, but why in the world is Hunico supposed to be viewed as a threat?

Video on Big Zeke.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. AJ/Kaitlyn

Beth vs. Eve is a lumberjack match for no apparent reason. Kaitlyn vs. Beth to start and I don’t think this is going to last long. Beth and Natalya are called Pin-Up Strong. The team with three nicknames takes over quickly with Nattie hooking an abdominal stretch. Off to AJ who is caught in a Sharpshooter with Natalya bending all the way back to the mat as AJ taps at 2:57. Kaitlyn is all ticked off post match, teasing a heel turn.

The main event angle from Raw eats up ten minutes.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett

Cody has officially been relegated to just a guy in trunks instead of an interesting character. I mean, he was getting over as a heel in a character that was even slightly different so KILL HIM NOW!!! Cody vs. Sheamus starts us off but it’s off to Barrett less than a minute in. Sheamus takes over and hits the pounding forearms while Barrett is in the ropes. Barrett and the moving hair of death fires back with that bow and arrow hold of his.

A tag brings in Orton and the place pops. He hits the powerslam and elevated DDT very quickly and calls for the RKO already. Cody comes off the top to break it up but jumps into a boot and the over the shoulder neckbreaker. Barrett kicks Orton down and we take a break. Back with Orton vs. Rhodes as Christian has come down to ringside. The captains slug it out and Barrett wins it, as he should given his backstory. Nice to see that for a change.

Barrett breaks up an attempted tag in a nice move by coming in and drilling Sheamus before Orton can get to him. There’s the hot tag anyway as Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick but Christian pokes him with the crutch for the DQ at 7:50 shown of 11:20.

Rating: C+. This was shaping up to be a pretty solid tag match but the ending and lack of time hurt it a lot. The ending not being definitive is a great thing as Barrett looks strong and Christian is added as a potential wild card to the match on Sunday. This match has been built up very well and it feels like an additional main event, which is all you can ask for.

Rhodes takes a beating post match with finishers a go-go. Barrett takes an RKO and the good guys stand tall.

Overall Rating: B+. For a go home show, this was good stuff. Almost every big match got at least some kind of discussion or advancement and the elimination match continues to be built strong where I’m looking forward to it more than Cena/Rock or any other match. Good stuff here and I’m pretty impressed by this show.

Results
Dolph Ziggler b. Sin Cara – Rollup with a handful of tights
Mason Ryan b. Jack Swagger – Full nelson slam
Ted DiBiase b. Derrick Bateman – Dream Street
Kofi Kingston b. Hunico – SOS
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn – Sharpshooter to AJ
Randy Orton/Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett via DQ when Christian interfered

Smackdown
Date: November 11, 2011
Location: Liverpool Echo Arena, Liverpool, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Another week, another Smackdown. With Randy having beaten Cody officially to end their feud (at least in theory) it should be interesting to see where they go with it. Also it seems like Bryan and the case have been activated into a possibility of him cashing in so we have that wild card in the title hunt now. Other than that it’ll be more build for the PPV I’d assume. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is Winter. The season, not the hot British chick.

We hear about Team Orton (Orton, Sheamus, Kofi, Cara, Ryan) vs. Team Barrett (Barrett, Rhodes, Swagger, Hunico, Christian even though the Canadian is now injured so that might be needing a replacement). To people that say all of the WWE guys are the same, this match has three Americans, an Irishman, a Ghanian, two Mexicans, a Welsh guy, an Englishman and a Canadian. That’s a pretty eclectic mix wouldn’t you say?

Here’s Randy to open the show. Orton has a great tattoo job on his arms. His shirt is roughly the same color as his skin and I couldn’t tell where it ended and where the tattoos began when he did his pose. He talks about how he doesn’t play well with others as every team he’s been on has imploded, usually due to him hurting them. Orton has no problem being the captain so he can beat up Rhodes and Christian again. He talks about not knowing Swagger or Hunico all that well but having no problem taking care of them as well. This draws out Barrett.

Barrett says the problems he’s given Orton before will be nothing compared to the ones he’ll have at Survivor Series. They’ve both been in groups and he’s always risen to the top of them. Orton is a natural born predator that no one will ever trust. Barrett wants the world title and he has to get Randy out of the way to do that. Orton is staring off into space during this. Barrett: “Are you even listening to me.” Orton: “Actually no I’m not.” Well that’s just rude. An RKO is threatened so here’s Christian in a neck brace.

Christian calls Randy the Yoko Ono of his team in Beatles reference #1 of the night (great drinking game). Christian takes credit for Barrett beating Sheamus last week, saying that he inspires people to be better. He was offered the captain spot but he declined it due to his injuries. Barrett has Christian’s full endorsement though. Here comes the beatdown as well as Sheamus for the save. Teddy comes out and I must have a bad ear infection or something because he doesn’t make a tag match for the main event. Instead it’s Christian vs. Sheamus and Barrett vs. Orton. Nice little change of pace.

Christian vs. Sheamus

Sheamus runs him over to start and takes over quickly. Christian begs off and gets the forearms to the chest for his trouble. There’s a gorilla press and Christian bails to the floor. Christian gets back in first and walks into the slingshot shoulder. Christian finally sends him into the post to take over and adds a missile dropkick for two. Out to the floor and Cole gets on my nerves already. Christian tries a dive over the top but Sheamus catches him with ease.

After a break Christian has a chinlock on and is in control. They slug it out and I think you know who wins there. Christian goes up and jumps into a punch to the ribs, which is the same counter I saw on an old tape I was watching a few moments ago. The Canadian tries the sunset flip out of the corner but jumps into the Irish Curse for two. Christian dives into his second fallaway slam of the match but pops up for a dropkick to put Sheamus down again.

Sheamus charges into the corner and gets caught by the Pendulum Kick. A tornado DDT gets two for Christian. Sheamus does the always cool pull yourself up from the corner to the top rope spot and hits the top rope shoulder for two. Brogue Kick and Unprettier both miss but the High Cross is enough to finish this at 10:15 shown of 13:45.

Rating: C+. It’s a good enough match, but how many times can Sheamus beat Christian before it stops meaning anything at all? This is what, the fourth time in a month that he’s beaten him? This was pretty good and Christian continues to have chemistry with almost anyone he works with, but he needs to either beat Sheamus once or get on to a new feud because this is going nowhere.

We recap Bryan almost cashing in last week but walking into the Slam instead.

Bryan talks to AJ and Kaitlyn and says he didn’t know he was almost going to cash in. He has a non-title match tonight. AJ and Kaitlyn imply sexual interest if he’s champ. Henry pops up and says it’s not that easy to be champ. Bryan gets in his face, saying he’s cashing in at Mania and he’ll win. Henry says Bryan has guts, and they’ll be all over the ring later.

Video on Ezekiel Jackson of all people. He’s strong and that’s about it. This comes off almost like a heel video.

Teddy Long is with Charles Robinson and says be on your game tonight in the Usos match. This is rather pointless. Here’s Aksana who hits on Teddy again and innuendo is made. Teddy wants Aksana to be in Alicia’s corner later tonight so she can get experience. Aksana thinks she’s Rihanna. More innuendo is made. Next.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal is called mysterious. How is he mysterious? They flat out explained his backstory like two weeks after he started wrestling. Mahal takes over to start and Cole makes fun of DiBiase hanging out with fans. It’s implied that DiBiase has given up his dad’s money. Dream Street ends this at 1:06.

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Big Show is banned from ringside. Bryan has Ride of the Valkyries again but it’s a rock version. It’s an improvement over the old song. Booker says Bryan has never had a girlfriend in his life. Oh give me a break. Are we really afraid of the drawing power of Gail Kim now? Henry takes him to the floor and rams him into the barricade then pushes Bryan’s head against the steps.

Back in the ring and the fans try to get behind Bryan. Henry misses a charge and Bryan hits a missile dropkick and Henry is staggered. The kicks put Henry down and Bryan actually gets the LeBell Lock on….kind of. Henry does the British Bulldog/Shawn Michaels counter and pounds Daniel down in the corner. Henry splashes him but pulls up at two. Bryan says bring it on so Henry hits the Slam for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C. Just a squash here but the road for Bryan seems to have begun. Him getting the Lock on Henry was a nice touch as it’s a single step further than he got last week. It wasn’t competitive but that’s the right idea if they’re going with the long road to Bryan vs. Henry. Have Bryan not be able to hurt Henry and then slowly build him up to the point where he can beat him at Mania, if that’s where they’re going at the end.

Henry goes for a chair to break the leg but Bryan gets it away and hits Henry with it. Three World’s Strongest Slams later, Bryan regrets that chair shot. Henry sets to Pillmanize the leg but the sound of music stops him. Why? I don’t know. I guess he can’t jump while music is playing. Henry gets the chair and Show knocks it out of his hand. They stare each other down and Henry bails.

Show says watch his match and he’ll show Henry something impressive.

Big Show vs. ???/???/???

They’re three unnamed jobbers. They get Show down for a second but one of them kicks him which wakes him up. Two take a double chokeslam and the third tries to leave. Show chases him down and the big punch ends this at 1:20.

Henry says that was nothing and that he’s impressed Big Show, which he’ll do again at Survivor Series.

Video on Mania tickets.

Tamina vs. Alicia Fox

Nattie is on commentary and Aksana is with Alicia. Rosa is with Tamina. Tamina is pounded down in the corner but remembers she’s Samoan and no sells it. After about a minute of beating her down, Tamina gets caught with an elbow. Nattie says she and Beth are now called Pin-Up Strong. What is that, their third name? Alicia hits a front flip legdrop for the pin at 2:00. Is there a point to any of these matches with the girls anymore?

Sheamus is asked if he’s a hot head after seeing clips of his brawl with Barrett last week. He denies it and says he’s about having a good time, be it presenting an award to Justin Bieber at the MTV Europe Awards of hanging out with his cousin Beaker (POP). He pretends to be mad at Striker then smiles.

Hunico/Epico vs. Usos

Primo comes out with the Hispanic team. Booker says they’re like gremlins. Ok so Hunico is in the white shirt. Remember when the Usos debuted and their deal was that there were civilized Samoans out there that weren’t all crazy? Now they do that Siva Tao thing. I love rewritting kayfabe. Epico starts off with we’ll say Jey. Epico is Primo’s cousin which is true in real life and on TV it seems.

The heels take over on Jimmy and take turns beating him down. Why are Mexican/Hispanic themed teams always heels? I think LAX were faces for awhile and that’s about it. Lukewarm tag brings in Jey who beats on Hunico but Epico makes the save. Primo tries to cheat so Jey kicks Epico down. Hunico hits a Swanton on Jey for the pin at 2:45.

There’s a gang beatdown post match as the fans cheer for Sin Cara. He’s not booked on the tour though so the heels beat Jimmy down with ease. Time for the international war period?

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Not much to start but that’s to be expected. Barrett takes over with a headlock but walks into a dropkick for two. Now it’s Orton with the headlock as Cole talks about the bareknuckle thing again. Orton kind of plays heel here, shouting that Barrett is the hometown boy before covering him. Barrett gets a boot up in the corner to put Orton down. That and an elbow drop get two.

Out to the floor for some brawling and in a cool sequence, Orton tries to send him into the steps but Barrett jumps on top of them then kicks the steps into Orton. Wade sends him into the steps as we take a break. Back with Orton in a chinlock and Barrett’s hair is a mess. Pumphandle slam gets two. A big boot puts Orton on the floor and it’s back to the chinlock.

Boss Man Slam gets two. Barrett sets for a middle rope elbow but only one person per company can use the same move so Orton breaks it up and hits a superplex for a delayed two. They slug it out and Orton starts his ending sequence with the powerslam and DDT. RKO is loaded up but Barrett shoves him off. He pokes Orton in the eye and rolls him up for the pin at 9:50 shown of 13:20.

Rating: C+. This was fine for a TV main event and it’s cool to see Orton go down as clean as you’ll see it on TV. Barrett’s push seems to be for real and that’s certainly a good thing. He can be the next big heel on Smackdown once Henry loses the title and that’s fine. Not bad here and cool to see the home country guy win one for a change on the road.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show a lot as they had a lot of stuff here and a lot of stuff got advanced. Henry vs. Show gets some nice build and we have the seeds of Bryan’s main event push being established. Also they lucked out as they have a backdoor to get them out of Christian’s legit injury. This is what Smackdown is best at: having basic but well put together television. Give us more stuff like this.

Results
Sheamus b. Christian – High Cross
Ted DiBiase b. Jinder Mahal – Dream Street
Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan – World’s Strongest Slam
Big Show b. ???/???/??? – WMD
Alicia Fox b. Tamina – Flip Legdrop
Hunico/Epico b. Usos – Swanton to Jey
Wade Barrett b. Randy Orton – Rollup

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