Let’s get this one over with.If you’ve been reading my reviews lately, you know that I wanted this to be Ascension.  Kane even eluded to a new team coming in when he said Shield could be replaced.  Instead we get a nostalgia act who couldn’t remember if they were heels or faces recently.  I just can’t buy the Outlaws as a threat to Shield after they’ve spent a year and a half tormenting the likes of John Cena, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Big Show, Randy Orton, Sheamus and the Wyatts.  The Outlaws couldn’t hang with these guys fifteen years ago but now we’re supposed to buy them as a real threat to the Shield?  That just doesn’t work for me.

I have to go with Shield, as there’s absolutely no reason for the old guys to win.  They’ve tried to play this up as Attitude Era vs. Modern Era but it’s just not working all that well.  Shield deserves to win, but this feels like a major step down after facing three former world champions last year.  The team as faces is interesting though and hopefully lasts for a few months.

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Last night’s show was something very special and a great example of how to do a go home show. It wasn’t supposed to be about the wrestling and that was to be expected. Let’s get to it.

First up was Undertaker showing down with Brock Lesnar and Brock finally getting in some offense on Undertaker. The main complaint that I saw people making was that it took too long to get to the brawling last night, to which all I can say is wrestling fans are impatient nowadays. Heaven forbid you have to wait maybe ninety seconds to see the guys fight. This is one of those moments that was built up for a few weeks and did what it was supposed to do. Every single time Brock has been leading up to a match he’s looked weak in advance, then he goes into Beast Mode in the actual match. Why does this continue to fool people?

Del Rio vs. Big E. was actually a solid match but I’m getting annoyed at the booking. Alberto has now beaten Big E. twice this month but there has been no significant mention of a title match coming up. Big E. never defends the thing anyway and while he beats up everyone except for Del Rio (nothing wrong with having a guy you can’t beat), Alberto seems to have no interest in the title. You don’t have to have him win it (though that would be fine), but at least have him look like he wants it. In other words, make a title look valuable and it will become valuable.

The Wyatts had another awesome promo. The thing that makes them work is how different they look when they’re talking. Notice that Bray is constantly moving around, changing the pitch of his voice, moving closer to the camera, and switching from serious to comedic. It’s unique and that makes people pay attention to him. The fact that he’s totally into his character and is so out there that it makes people want to see more makes it even better.

The Total Divas had a recap and a Summer vs. Natalya match. The match was bad but Summer looks great in her outfits so I can’t complain at all.

This brought us to the highlight of the night as the Authority came out to announce the end of the YES Movement. While the HHH and Stephanie bits mocking the pose were a bit annoying, the rest was perfect. HHH basically brought up every common insult against him and laughed them off, because showing an AWESOME video, narrated by Stephanie in a brilliant touch, listing off all of the flavors of the month that he’s destroyed over the years.

This is what HHH has been needing to do for a long time now. Don’t talk about his power or his authority, but talk about how he’s one of the best in ring performer of all time (which he is). People often forget how good he is and that’s a shame coming into what’s going to be an awesome match. Yeah HHH can get annoying on camera, but the guy can flat out go in the ring and will do exactly that on Sunday. The video was exactly what he needed to do and it worked like a charm. The fact that Stephanie looked great last night helped too.

Orton and Batista came out as well but they didn’t add too much. Batista pointing out that HHH has never beaten him continues to be all he needs to say, but HHH wanting Orton to be the Viper again is a very questionable move. It doesn’t make sense as he’s basically given up on Randy being the face of the company (thank goodness), but he still wants Orton at his peak? That’s not very logical for a heel.

The two tag matches didn’t do anything for me. The eight man tag was fine but it just didn’t interest me at all. Los Matadores are nothing interesting and the lack of El Torito made it even worse.

Bray Wyatt had a long squash over R-Truth, but the important part was after the match. John Cena wore Wyatt gear and snuck up on them in his first mind game of the feud. The interesting thing here was the pop from the crowd. They went NUTS for Cena in one of the loudest pops I can remember him getting in months. This brings us back to Wrestling 101.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt boils down to a very simple concept: good vs. evil. John Cena is the bright and colorful hero and Bray Wyatt is the dark and sinister monster. At the end of the day, people want to see John Cena, their hero even though they get tired of him once in awhile, rise up and kill the monster hiding in the fans’ closet. Cena has been afraid but is standing up to face his fears and using his mind and strength to fight for what he believes in.

That’s wrestling at its core: seeing larger than life characters doing things that fans wish they could do. It worked for Hogan standing up for America and it worked for Austin beating up his boss. Cena showing weakness and then rising above it (not necessarily winning mind you) is something interesting and the reaction from the crowd the last few weeks proves it.

The lumberjill match was nothing special. At the end of the day I wish they went with just a one on one match at Wrestlemania instead of some 14 Diva mess. There are girls out there capable of putting on an entertaining match, but for some reason they’re throwing Vickie, who apparently we’re now supposed to sympathize with, into the mix. I have a bad feeling AJ either wins on Sunday, or somehow Vickie walks out as champion. Neither interests me at all unless Paige debuts the next night on Raw.

Then we got one heck of a Cena promo. The guy can just turn on the goods whenever he needs to and that’s what we got last night. Telling people to run down to Wrestlemania or watch on the WWE Network was both a nice plug for the show (I miss those things) as well as a great way to make the event feel like it needed to be seen. You don’t get those anymore and Cena is the kind of guy who demands attention when he’s in serious mode. It just works and it did last night.

Kane vs. Reigns wasn’t the point of the Shield segment. The important part was Roman winning 80% of the fans’ votes. If those numbers are legit, the fans are buying into him as the star of the team and that’s exactly what WWE wants. The down side of it though was the Outlaws appearing. Just look at them walking down the ramp and then look at Shield. It just doesn’t work for me and I’m afraid Shield is going to have to tone things way down so the Outlaws can keep up with them. I still don’t get how anyone but the Outlaws benefit from this.

Piper’s Pit and the big brawl existed and that’s about all there is to say about it. Big Show is being pushed really hard as the winner of the battle royal, which gives me hope for a swerve. Him winning just isn’t interesting and he doesn’t need it. Sheamus is needing a big win and this would be perfect for him. Oh and Piper losing his mind over the people interrupting him was hilarious.

The main event was exactly what it should have been. I think WWE knew the fans would get restless if they had a regular match so they went with the wild brawl instead. Again this was about the moment rather than the match and that’s fine. You couldn’t have the go home show without Bryan making one last run in and that’s exactly what we got. It was a white hot way to end the show and take us into Wrestlemania on Sunday.

Overall last night was the exactly right formula for a go home show. The wrestling wasn’t great but it was just good enough to get us through to the important stuff. Every match got time and I’m more fired up to see the show than I was before. Excellent stuff last night with HHH and Cena stealing yet another show.

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Smackdown
Date: March 28, 2014
Location: TD Bank North Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the last regular Smackdown before they head to the Crescent City. The main stories are all set at this point so this show is just going to be about firming up the plans for Wrestlemania. The only match announced for tonight is Big Show vs. Bray Wyatt which should be a good win for the monster. That would be the monster with hair in case that’s not clear. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Batista to get things going. Batista wants to know why the fans are booing a six time World Champion, the winner of the 2014 Royal Rumble and the headliner of Wrestlemania XXX. They boo him, but they cheer for Daniel Bryan? This brings him to a clip from Raw with Batista implying Stephanie is shall we say, friendly, and getting slapped as a result. Batista thinks Stephanie hits harder than any of his opponents, which brings out HHH.

The boss suggests leaving Stephanie out of this but Batista asks why we should do that. She’s responsible for the suit and for HHH being COO. HHH wouldn’t have anything without marrying the boss’ daughter. Triple H says this is the Reality Era and it doesn’t matter why he has what he has and all that matters is what he has. He asks why Batista wants to make this personal. Batista says it’s because HHH has accused him of living off his past glories, which includes never losing to HHH. Now HHH is trying to take Batista’s title and that’s not cool with Big Dave.

HHH agrees that he’s never beaten Batista but that was a long time ago. Batista has gotten lazy after getting all that success and he’s been in Hollywood letting his stuntman doing all his work. Now he’s back in WWE and HHH has yet to see the Animal. HHH has shown what he can do a few weeks ago against Daniel Bryan. You know, the little guy that Batista couldn’t finish off. However, HHH is willing to help Batista again tonight. Maybe he can find that Animal in his match against Sheamus.

We look back at the fourway from last week, leading to Shield being beaten down by Kane and the Outlaws.

Shield vs. 3MB

Rollins/Ambrose vs. Mahal/McIntyre and Seth starts against Jinder. JBL brings up a good point: the Shield has dominated the last year but three guys from the Attitude Era took them down. Rollins hits Two Amigos before bringing in Ambrose for the third. Back to Rollins who gets taken into the corner and pounded by McIntyre. Drew thrusts his hips at Reigns for some reason but it allows Seth to roll over for the tag to Ambrose. The running dropkick against the ropes has Drew in trouble and Seth hits the big dive to take out Mahal. The bulldog driver, now named Dirty Deeds, is enough to pin McIntyre at 3:04.

Rating: D+. You can only be so entertaining in a three minute match. At least Shield didn’t sell too much for 3MB as they’re already going to have to sell for a team that couldn’t remember if they were good or bad a month ago. It’s nice to see Ambrose getting a clean pin as well.

Post match Kane and the Outlaws come out and say they’ll end Shield at Wrestlemania. That’s unlike what Shield is going to do to their next opponents.

Shield vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

This is joined in progress after a break with Ambrose taking Curtis down with a drop toehold. Ryback offers a quick distraction though and Axel knocks Dean to the floor. Dean gets caught in the corner as the announcers do their usual bickering. Ryback loads up a suplex but gets countered into a nice DDT. The hot tag brings in Rollins to clean house with a Blockbuster to Axel. A series of kicks takes Axel down and Ambrose jumps off the steps to pound on Ryback. Rollins unleashes the dive to Ryback before countering a PerfectPlex into the Peace of Mind for the pin on Axel at 4:14.

Rating: C-. More entertaining match here with Rollins stealing the show again. I’m still not sure why we need extra proof that the Shield can dominate when they’re coming into a match against the Outlaws. But hey, Gunn and Dogg were awesome in the Attitude Era and that means the match will rock now right?

Post match Shield points at the Authority members on stage and lays out Ryback with the Superman Punch and Triple Bomb.

Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow

The maskless one takes him into the corner to start and drives a knee into his ribs for two. We’re in a chinlock thirty seconds into the match but Sin Cara rolls him up out of the corner for the pin at 1:04.

Big Show says what the Wyatts did to Cena on Raw was very disturbing. However, some of the stuff Bray has been saying makes sense. That’s how they suck you in, but tonight they have a giant problem on their hands.

Fandango vs. Goldust

No Cody for this one. Summer is looking great tonight in an outfit similar to Jasmine from Aladdin. Fandango takes him down to start and puts on a very early chinlock. Goldust fights up with a belly to back suplex followed by an atomic drops and right hands in the corner. The powerslam gets two for Goldust and they head outside where Summer distracts Goldust long enough for Fandango to kick him in the head and grab a handful of tights for the pin at 3:16.

Rating: D. Summer was the only interesting thing to see in this match. She looked great and was so goofy when she was distracting Goldust that she was kind of adorable. The match was barely long enough to rate and the first minute or so was spent on a chinlock and laying around after the suplex.

Batista vs. Sheamus

HHH is watching from the back. Batista hides in the corner to start until Sheamus nails him with a shoulder block to send the Animal to the floor. A chase goes badly for the Irishman and Batista drives shoulders into the corner. Batista scores with a big clothesline before dropping Sheamus with a knee to the ribs.

There’s the spinebuster but Batista walks around instead of following up. The delay lets Sheamus nail Batista with a clothesline and come back with his usual high powered offense. Batista fights out of the ten forearms but Sheamus makes the second attempt work. A powerslam looks to set up the Brogue Kick but Batista bails tot he floor. Sheamus follows but walks into a chair to the right for the DQ at 5:33.

Rating: C. This was a nice power brawl and more importantly, Sheamus looked like an equal to Batista. Batista was in trouble at the end and that’s how you make Sheamus look awesome. This is the kind of stuff that Batista should be doing a lot of the time and it worked well here.

Batista sends Sheamus into the post and hits the Batista Bomb. He asks if HHH is happy now and promises to leave Wrestlemania as champion.

The Raw ReBound looks at the Wyatts attacking Cena on Monday.

Bray Wyatt is holding a mask and says if you give it to a man, he’ll reveal his true face. Every man wears a mask at some point John, whether it’s to to hide his intentions or not. Cena has hidden behind a mask for so long that it’s become him, but when he removes it he removes his own skin. Bray’s sword has left a scar on Cena’s soul that can never heal. Can’t Cena hear the song? Bray will never forget what the woman singing first told him. A man’s secret comes to life underneath the shade of the cypress tree. He sings part of He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands and we’re done.

Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee/Tamina

Vickie Guerrero is on commentary to explain the 14 Divas match at Wrestlemania. Her explanation: it’s going to be awesome. Brie quickly takes AJ down to start but it’s quickly off to Nikki for a middle rope kick to the face. Tamina comes in and nails Nikki in the face before it’s back to the champion for a two count.

We hit the guillotine choke from AJ which transitions into a sleeper until AJ lets go and brings Tamina in again. Snuka misses a middle rope splash and it’s back to Brie for some dropkicks. A middle rope dropkick sends Tamina to the apron where she nails AJ in the face and tags her in, setting up the Bella Buster for the pin at 3:27.

Rating: D+. The Bellas looked good in their outfits, most of the focus was on Vickie, AJ loses again. Next.

Santino and Emma are on a sound stage that is supposed to look like a restaurant for a date. She calls him the ultimate friend with benefits but means benefits like going out together instead of the usual meaning. We get a staring contest for a bit before Emma says she feels the same way he does: they’ll always be best friends. Santino freaks out and says he can’t eat. He chokes on something and makes it worse by trying to drink wine. The wine is spat out on Emma and thankfully the segment ends.

Jack Swagger vs. Jimmy Uso

Jack takes him into the corner to start but Jimmy knocks him outside and hits the big dive over the top. Back in and a high cross body gets two followed by something resembling a Whisper in the Wind for the same. Not that it matters as Swagger takes out the knee and the Patriot Lock is good for the win at 1:58.

We look at Undertaker and Lesnar brawling on Raw.

Mark Henry vs. The Miz

Henry takes too long pointing at the sign and Miz nails some kicks to the ribs to start. A dropkick to the knee puts Henry down and Miz goes to work on the leg. He cranks on the ankle a bit but lets Henry up and charges into a boot to the face. Mark misses a Vader Bomb and bangs up his knee again. The Figure Four is easily broken up but Miz throws him over the top and out to the floor. Miz gets sent hard into the steps for his efforts and a whip into the barricade has him in trouble as well. Back in and the World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin at 3:30.

Rating: C. Much better than I was expecting here, even though that doesn’t mean all that much. Miz working on the leg made sense and the throw over the top was a surprising visual. I can also forgive the leg work here as it only lasted a few moments and Henry’s legs are thick enough that some basic stuff from Miz wouldn’t have very long term effects.

Razor Ramon Hall of Fame video.

Big Show vs. Bray Wyatt

The giant shoves him into the corner to start but Bray smiles at him. Wyatt is sent out to the floor so he sits in front of the announce table and says that was nice. Back in and Bray tells Show to show him all his might. Big Show hammers away in the corner and knocks Bray around with a headbutt. Wyatt charges into a boot to the face but avoids an elbow drop.

It’s Wyatt in control now and kicking away at the giant but being launched off a cover. The Spider Walk looks good but only gets Bray clotheslined down. He comes back with a splash in the corner but has to stop before running into a boot to the face. Something like a Stunner to the leg puts Big Show down and Harper gets in a shot of his own. Sister Abigail gets the pin at 4:10.

Rating: C-. This is the kind of win that Bray needed going into the pay per view. You don’t often get to see him wrestle but he always puts on a good show when he does. Big Show is still someone who can give a rub and that’s what we got here. Nice main event and thankfully it didn’t last too long.

Overall Rating: C+. Tonight was a night of wrestling and did a nice job of firming up things for the show in nine days. Other than Sandow vs. Sin Cara and Fandango vs. Goldust, most of the matches had some storyline development, but even those four guys are all in the battle royal. It’s a good show to set up Wrestlemania and that’s the kind of thing WWE needs right now.

Results

Shield b. 3MB – Dirty Deeds to McIntyre

Shield b. Ryback/Curtis Axel – Peace of Mind to Axel

Sin Cara b. Damien Sandow – Rollup

Fandango b. Goldust – Kick to the head

Sheamus b. Batista via DQ when Batista used a chair

Bella Twins b. AJ Lee/Tamina – Bella Buster to Lee

Jack Swagger b. Jimmy Uso – Patriot Lock

Mark Henry b. The Miz – World’s Strongest Slam

Bray Wyatt b. Big Show – Sister Abigail

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 24, 2014
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re just two weeks from the biggest show of the year but tonight is about the guest stars. Tonight we’ve got a double shot with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Scooby-Doo, the latter of whom is here because the WWE animated movie comes out tomorrow. Other than that we get the fallout from Bryan being attacked by the boss last week and a showdown between Undertaker and Lesnar. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s closing sequence with the fake cops and Stephanie ranting about respect and HHH destroying Bryan with a chair.

Here’s Stephanie to get things going. She talks about how people on social media have been saying how what HHH did last week was disgusting. However, the Authority won’t let the YES Movement steer this ship the wrong way. The WWE needs leadership through strong people like herself. The fans LOUDLY cheer for Punk but Stephanie just goes through them until it calms down. She lists off some of HHH’s accolades but gets Randy Orton instead.

Randy respects HHH but if he beats Daniel Bryan earlier in the night (Stephanie: “You mean when he beats Daniel Bryan.”), he’ll do whatever he has to do to retain the title. The fans chant for Bryan and Stephanie acknowledges them by saying he’s not coming out. Orton sucks up to Stephanie and suggests that HHH beat the tar out of Daniel Bryan, but let that be it for the night for HHH. The New York fans think this is boring but here’s Batista to really fire them up.

Big Dave says the fans can chant and the two people in the ring can run their mouths all they want, but he’s the next WWE Champion. The mic cuts out a bit as Batista tells us to DEAL WITH IT. Things stop a bit as we fix the mic until Batista points out that HHH has never beaten him. Batista calls Orton out for sucking up to everyone lately and drooling on Stephanie. “I think she’s been drooled on before. Actually, make that a lot.” Stephanie slaps Batista for the insult and Orton is nearly keeling over in what looks to be shock or laughter. Stephanie walks out and Batista spears Orton down to LOUD booing.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot tomorrow night on Main Event against Big E. It’s one fall to a finish and anything goes. Sheamus and Christian fight on the floor to start until we get down to Sheamus vs. Ziggler in the ring. They trade strikes for a bit until the guys switch off again. Christian dives to the floor but gets caught by Sheamus, who launches him into the barricade with a fall away slam.

Sheamus loads up the ten forearms to Ziggler but has to duck a running enziguri from Del Rio. Dolph knocks Sheamus to the floor and gets two on Del Rio but Christian pulls Ziggler outside again. Sheamus hits a Cactus Clothesline on Christian, sending both of them into the timekeeper’s area as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler and Christian in the ring as Sheamus hits the rolling fireman’s carry to Del Rio on the floor. Christian hits a high cross body on Dolph but gets rolled through for two. A loud ZIGGLER chant starts up as Christian stands on Dolph’s head for two. Ziggler gets knocked to the floor so Sheamus hits his ax handles and high knee to Christian. Alberto charges into the Irish Curse and Christian is sent to the floor. The ten forearms puts Alberto on the floor so Sheamus goes up for a dive, only to be taken down by a top rope X Factor for two from Ziggler.

The running DDT gets two on Del Rio but Christian snaps the back of Dolph’s neck across the top rope. The fans think this is awesome as Christian counters a Fameasser into a powerbomb for two. Del Rio breaks up the pin with a superkick but Sheamus breaks upt he pin. There’s the Cloverleaf on Del Rio but Sheamus breaks it up to powerslam Christian. Del Rio breaks up the Brogue Kick and puts Sheamus in the cross armbreaker. Sheamus powers of put it and lifts Alberto up but Ziggler takes them both down with a Zig Zag. Christian comes back in with the Killswitch to Dolph for the pin out of nowhere at 12:00.

Rating: B. I had a great time with this one and I was wondering who was going to win in the end. That’s the best thing you can ask for in a match most of the time and it worked very well here. Christian vs. Big E. is fine for a one off match and the other guys looked great as well.

Christian won’t shake Big E.’s hand after the match.

The Wyatts pop up on screen and Bray talks about fans being interested in things they can’t see. But they can see Cena everywhere because he’s on billboards and t-shirts. Bray is someone you can’t see because he is the key to the city of woe. He’s everywhere but you can only feel him. Harper says they’re coming to fight Cena. Run.

We get a clip of the Scooby-Doo movie and here’s the Mystery Machine in the arena. Sin Cara (the second biggest wrestler in the movie. If it was based on the active roster, he would be the Daniel Bryan to John Cena) pops out and here’s Scooby to go with him. It’s a guy in a costume if that wasn’t clear.

Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow

The lighting is back. Sin avoids a charge in the corner and hits a springboard cross body and the Tajiri Elbow, followed by the Swanton for the pin at 1:07.

We look at Kane and the Outlaws beating down the Shield on Friday.

Los Matadores vs. Curtis Axel/Ryback

Ryback and Axel are officially out of the battle royal and will be getting a Tag Team Title match at Wrestlemania. Curtis starts with Fernando but the Shield comes to the barricade for a distraction, allowing Fernando to get the pin at 1:05.

Shield destroys Ryback and Axel post match with the spear and Triple Bomb laying Ryback out.

Cole brings out HHH for a sitdown interview. We look at the attack from last week and Cole asks HHH to justify that. HHH wants to know if he wants an answer as the COO or a competitor. He goes on a short rant about taking advantage of an upcoming opponent before shifting towards Occupy Raw. Bryan and the fans tried to hijack Raw and the people were put in danger. HHH asks Cole why he chalked that up to a memorable moment but what HHH did was despicable.

What happened to this world since HHH stopped competing full time? He did horrible things to people and looked into their eyes, seeing the same lust for success that he had. People would fight the system but now he sees soft and pathetic people in the crowd. He sees a bunch of powerless people with no desire who cry when they don’t get what they want. If they’re mad, Tweet him about it. HHH is sick of the whole thing because the world has changed and he doesn’t like it.

Maybe it’s on him to decide where everything goes. This is the beginning of the Reality Era and the reality is this: at Wrestlemania, he ends Daniel Bryan’s little run at the top and ends the YES Movement along with it. The reality is at Wrestlemania he’ll beat Daniel Bryan and enter a triple threat match where he’ll take the WWE Title for himself instead of living off past glory. Really solid stuff from the Game here.

Fandango vs. Cody Rhodes

Goldust has a mask over his face paint now. Fandango takes over to start and a slingshot legdrop gets two. A snap suplex gets the same and Fandango cranks on the arm a bit. Cody comes back with a springboard dropkick but Summer and Goldust have a dance off. Summer hurts her ankle and Cody hits a quick Disaster Kick for the pin at 2:48.

Clip from the new Schwarzenegger movie Sabotage.

Here’s Hogan with something to say but we have to wait for the big nostalgia chant. He doesn’t want to be nostalgic but Wrestlemania is two weeks away. We might be in a different part of the city, but thirty years ago he and Mr. T. made history in New York. Hogan stops to point at the sign and says he’s real psyched up for Wrestlemania. He’s also excited about tonight’s guest starts: Joe Maganeillo and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Joe is taller than Hogan so Arnold looks tiny out there. The fans love Arnold and give him a big ovation. A year ago Arnold got to induct Bruno Sammartino into the Hall of Fame with another great hero like Hulk Hogan. Arnold raves about Hogan’s physique and asks the fans to cheer Joe. Maganeillo talks about how pumped he is to be in the ring with two icons like Hulk and Arnold. Arnold brings up the battle royal and talks about hanging out with Andre on a movie set. He asks if Hogan has room for two more athletes in the battle royal but here’s Miz to interrupt.

Miz says he’ll be going to see Sabotage, just like Arnold and Joe went to see his movies. He guarantees to win the battle royal but Hogan says he’s in the wrong place. Joe says if Miz wants the three of them gone to get rid of them himself. All three guys get in a shot and Hogan throws Miz over the top.

Big Show vs. Titus O’Neill

Titus kicks Big Show into the corner and stomps away to send Big Show to the mat. A legdrop gets two and a splash in the corner has Big Show in trouble again. The fans chant for Punk again as Titus drops Big Show with a flying shoulder for two. Big Show shrugs it off, spears Titus down and hits the WMD for the pin at 2:24.

Shield comes in to see the Authority and wants to know where the three of them stand in this whole thing. HHH says the business between Kane, the Outlaws and the Shield is between the six of them. Stephanie makes Shield vs. Real Americans for later and they can discuss things afterwards. Reigns gives HHH a bit of a look.

John Cena is in the bathroom and running water over his face.  The sheep mask can be seen in the mirror.

John Cena vs. Luke Harper

Luke takes Cena into the corner to start and the fans are all over John here. Cena fights back but walks into a backbreaker for two. A loud LET’S GO HARPER chant starts up as Cena comes back with right hands in the corner. Something resembling a Stinger Splash crushes Harper in the corner but he walks into a pumphandle throw for two. Cena is thrown to the floor and Bray crouches in front of him but Harper comes out with a forearm to the back. We get a Fruity Pebbles chant as Harper hammers away even more.

Back with Cena fighting out of a chinlock but walking into a suplex to put him down again. The AA is countered and Harper gets two off a boot to the face. Cena counters the discus lariat into the ProtoBomb but Harper pops up and hits a Michinoku Driver for two. Luke tries a powerbomb but gets countered into what was supposed to be a hurricanrana. The STF is kicked away to send Cena to the floor and Harper hits a great looking suicide dive. Cena’s head bounced off the barricade and Bray came out of his chair.

Back in and Cena grabs the STF but Harper pokes him in the eye. A DDT gets two on John and Harper puts him on the top rope. Cena powers out of a butterfly superplex attempt and hits the top rope Fameasser for two. A second ProtoBomb and the Shuffle connect but Harper escapes the AA and picks him up for a belly to back suplex, only to slam Cena face first into the mat.

Cena EXPLODES out of the corner with a clothesline but the lights go out as he loads up the AA. You can hear something in the ring and as the lights come back on, Cena is tied in the ropes with the sheep mask on. The Wyatts surround an unconscious Cena as the match is thrown out at about 14:00.­

Rating: B. I was digging this match and I really liked the ending. Harper looked better tonight than he ever has before which gives me hope for his future. The ending with Cena being tied up and us not seeing what happened to him is creepy as there’s something terrifying about having to imagine what those three monsters did to him.

Divas Title: Naomi vs. AJ Lee

AJ is defending. Naomi quickly sends her to the floor but AJ says she doesn’t need this. She skips out and it’s a countout at 1:12.

Post match here’s Vickie Guerrero who AJ insulted on Smackdown. Vickie didn’t care for what AJ said on Smackdown, so at Wrestlemania it will be the Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Special. AJ will defend against the Funkadactyls, the Bella Twins, Natalya, Eva Marie, Emma, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae, Rosa Mendes, Layla and Tamina.

Scott Hall is announced for the Hall of Fame.

We look at the opening segment again. Orton vs. Batista one on one next week.

Real Americans vs. Shield

It’s Rollins and Ambrose meeting the Americans in the aisle to start the big brawl. The fans chant WE THE PEOPLE as Ambrose throws Cesaro inside for the opening bell. Dean stomps him down in the corner and we get a Hart Attack with Rollins hitting a neckbreaker instead of a clothesline. Off to Swagger but Seth meets him with right hands and Three Amigos with Ambrose helping out on the third.

Shield takes their turns on Swagger until he drives Dean into the corner for the tag to Cesaro. The WE THE PEOPLE chants continue as Cesaro takes over and puts Dean in a chinlock. Back to Swagger for the Vader Bomb but Ambrose gets his feet up. A middle rope back elbow drops Swagger but Cesaro knocks Seth off the apron. Cesaro counters a backdrop into the Swing but Seth breaks up the cover. Ambrose is sent outside and the Americans swing him by his arms and legs into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Cesaro putting Dean in a front facelock but making the mistake of slapping him. Dean says bring it so Cesaro kicks him in the chest. Dean pops back up and clotheslines Cesaro down, finally allowing the hot tag to Seth. Rollins cleans house and hits the running forearm in the corner to set up a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle. Cesaro gets LAUNCHED over the top to the floor and Swagger gets clotheslined as well.

A suicide dive puts Cesaro into the crowd and Seth runs back in for a BIG flip dive to take Jack down as well. Back in and a top rope knee to the head drops Swagger but Cesaro makes the save. Ambrose runs in but gets backdropped to the floor. Rollins clotheslines Cesaro outside but gets caught in the Patriot Lock. He makes the rope and lands on his feet, setting up an enziguri and the Black Out (now called Peace of Mind) for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B-. Seth Rollins is perfect for what he’s doing at the moment and Ambrose continues to look awesome. Face Shield is totally working for me as they’ve transitioned perfectly in about a week. That’s a sign of incredible talent and another reason why Shield is the best act in a long time.

Post match Reigns hits the Superman Punch and spear on Cesaro, setting up the Triple Bomb through the table. Shield poses but Kane and the Outlaws (all in suits) come to the stage. Kane announces the six man tag at Wrestlemania. The Outlaws just do not work for me in this role at all. Shield just tore the house down with two very talented guys. I’m not buying into seeing the Outlaws do their little shortcuts and the same jokes we’ve heard on a million reunion shows.

It just doesn’t work for me and the minute I saw them come out on Smackdown I lost most of my interest in this story. What does Shield get out of this feud? A rub from a former World Champion? They’ve gotten that from far bigger stars than Kane. A match against former Tag Team Champions? They’ve destroyed every team they’ve fought and had a better match at Elimination Chamber than the Outlaws could ever dream of. This is a BIG step down for Shield and it doesn’t interest me in the slightest.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar to close the show. Paul talks about how the Streak is the most impressive thing in WWE history, which is why Brock (sporting an Eat, Sleep, Break the Streak shirt) is going to end it. That doesn’t take away from the 21 victories that Undertaker has and his legacy will still be great. John Cena couldn’t go 21-0, Andre the Giant couldn’t go 21-0 and even Brock Lesnar will never be able to be 21-0 at Wrestlemania.

Paul goes on about how important Wrestlemania is but Brock takes the mic. He says he’s here to fight and since he and Undertaker are both here, let’s do it right now. There’s no gong but we’ve got druids. They bring a casket to ringside as the chanting plays through the arena. The druids stand in the aisle and Brock is starting to look a bit nervous as he stares at the casket. Brock kicks at the lid as the chanting continues. He finally opens it but the casket is empty. Heyman isn’t pleased as Brock asks if this is some kind of joke.

Brock goes to yell at the druids who start to walk away. He slowly stalks them but they get most of the way up the ramp. Brock walks back to the ring and closes the casket, drawing an Undertaker chant. Lesnar says he’s not here to play games and Paul starts to talk, but Brock says he’s leaving.

Heyman stops him because that’s what Undertaker wants. Paul rants about Undertaker being a coward and says all Undertaker can do is an empty casket, so of course the casket opens up to reveal Undertaker. He sits up and Paul PANICS. The lights come on and Brock looks scared but doesn’t bail. The fight is on with Undertaker hammering away and clotheslining Brock onto the casket. Paul says it’s not worth it and begs Lesnar to leave. Lesnar points to the sign as Undertaker does the throat slit to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. The Wrestlemania build continues to rock as tonight they focused on Shield, Batista, Orton and HHH. Bryan wasn’t there tonight but that’s a good thing in a way. Yeah the odds are that Bryan leaves with the title, but they’re doing a great job of planting even the slightest bit of doubt. Daniel Bryan vs. HHH is arguably the real main event, but they’re making it seem like there’s a chance that something else could happen, and that’s the right move.

Other than that we had some great build for the show with the battle royal getting a nice focus and a solid main event segment as well. We also got some of the best in ring action we’ve had on this show in months with the long matches being good and the short matches being the unintersting ones. Couple that with three new matches being announced to likely fill out the card and I was very pleased tonight. The company is clicking at the right time and that’s all that matters.

Results

Christian b. Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler – Killswitch to Ziggler

Sin Cara b. Damien Sandow – Swanton Bomb

Los Matadores b. Curtis Axel/Sin Cara – Rollup to Axel

Cody Rhodes b. Fandango – Disaster Kick

Big Show b. Titus O’Neil – WMD

John Cena vs. Luke Harper went to a no contest

Naomi b. AJ Lee via countout

Shield b. Real Americans – Peace of Mind to Swagger

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Smackdown
Date: March 21, 2014
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

HHH is back to being full evil as we only have five shows left before Wrestlemania. Other than that we’re looking at another story building show tonight with Kane talking about replacing Shield, the battle royal needing more names and Bray Wyatt being creepy and getting in Cena’s head. Speaking of Cena, he’s facing Luke Harper tonight. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

There’s a fourway tag team match tonight for a shot at the Usos, presumably at Wrestlemania.

Here’s Kane to open things up. He introduces us to a video from the end of Raw with HHH ending the YES Movement. Back live and Kane says the blame is on all of the fans who cheer for Bryan and convince him that he’s bigger than WWE and the Authority. Everyone learned a lesson on Monday when they saw that no one is greater than the Authority.

What people need to understand is that some people are just better than others. HHH is better than Daniel Bryan and the Authority is better than all of you. Kane is shouting this at the fans but calms down and pulls a letter out of his pocket. It’s from HHH who has asked Kane to read it to us. The letter is delayed by a YOU SOLD OUT chant before Kane reads the standard corporate apology as the fans boo it out of the building.

Fandango vs. Fernando

Yes, one of the Matadores is getting a singles match. This is joined in progress after a break with Fandango chopping the masked man down. We hit the chinlock on Fernando but he avoids a middle rope knee drop. A standing hurricanrana and a springboard back elbow gets two on Fandango but a Summer distraction lets Fandango get in a cheap shot. Torito freaks out because Summer is in a red dress and the chase is on, allowing Fernando roll up the dancer for the pin at 2:35.

Damien Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sandow jumps him to start and drives in knees to the chest. A Russian legsweep and knee drop have Ziggler in even more trouble as the announcers talk about the battle royal. Ziggler escapes a backdrop and shakes his h\ips a bit before dropkicking Damien outside. Dolph gets back on the top but Damien kicks him down, sending Ziggler’s head onto the steps with a sick thud. That made me cringe.

Back in and Damien hammers away at the head while screaming at Ziggler to stay down. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Sandow drops some more knees. Dolph is sent outside and into the barricade to give Damien a two count. Back to the chinlock for a bit but Dolph fights up with his jumping DDT. Ziggler hammers away in the corner and gets two off a neckbreaker. Sandow gets in a few right hands but Ziggler comes back with the Fameasser for the pin at 5:53.

Rating: D+. Not bad here and the fans were into Ziggler but it wasn’t the best match in the world. It’s nice to see Sandow not losing in a minute or so and it’s good to see Ziggler get some momentum heading into the battle royal. It’s also a good change of pace to see someone with with something other than their trademark finisher.

The Wyatts appear on screen and Luke says he is John’s reaper tonight. Bray pops up and says John being afraid of Bray makes sense. Wyatt was born of the world’s hatred and feeds on hate. The buzzards are circling overhead and Bray is Cena’s torment waiting down below. Cena’s fear is Bray’s power and the power is his control. Run.

Slam City preview.

Shield vs. Real Americans vs. 3MB vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

One fall to a finish and it’s Ambrose/Rollins and McIntyre/Mahal here. The announcers talk about everyone being a heel here as Ambrose works on Axel to start. An elbow drop gets two but it’s off to Mahal who has about the same success as Axel. Rollins comes in to work on Jinder’s arm but Ryback tags Mahal and runs Seth over. Rollins knees his way out of a vertical suplex and Shield clotheslines Ryback outside. Axel is sent out as well and Shield hits stereo suicide dives as we take a break.

Back with 3MB double teaming Ambrose to give Mahal a two count. During the break, Cesaro swung Ambrose into the barricade in a painful looking crash. Ryback comes back in to stay on Dean with a splash getting two. The Meat Hook drops Ambrose but Swagger tags Ryback to get a quick two. The Vader Bomb into the double stomp from Cesaro gets two and Cesaro locks a chinlock on Dean.

Ambrose fights up and hits a clothesline on Cesaro followed by a DDT on Swagger. Rollins and Mahal come in off double tags and Seth cleans house. A Blockbuster drops Mahal and Seth follows up with a flip dive to take out Ryback. Heath Slater breaks up the Black Out but gets speared by Reigns. The Black Out connects on Mahal but McIntyre makes the save at the last second. Everything breaks down and Kane runs in for the no contest at 8:17 shown of 11:47.

Rating: C. This wasn’t terrible but I was hoping for an actual #1 contender instead of what looks like a multi team match at Wrestlemania. Shield worked well as faces here though and there’s potential there if they keep on this path. It’s a good enough match but dropping 3 MB would have helped here.

Reigns and Kane fight up the ramp until the New Age Outlaws show up to help Kane. Ryback, Axel and the Real Americans lay out Rollins and Ambrose as Reigns is triple teamed. Kane chokeslams the other members of Shield as well as the beatdown goes on for awhile. It looks like Shield vs. Kane/Outlaws at Wrestlemania which doesn’t do much for me. I can’t buy the Outlaws as a real threat to Shield no matter how they spin it.

Time for MizTV with the focus on the battle royal. Miz officially throws his name in the hat and guarantees victory. The guest tonight is Big Show who Miz describes as the odds on favorite. Big Show talks about the comparisons to Andre the Giant over his career and says winning the battle royal will cement his legacy. Miz brings up Big Show’s nine losses at Wrestlemania so Big Show threatens to pop Miz’s head open.

Perhaps out of fear, Miz brings out some of the other entrants in the battle royal, including Titus O’Neil, Kofi Kingston, Alberto Del Rio, Big E. Langston (Miz throws in the Langston), Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Goldust and Sheamus. The Irishman thinks we should have a battle royal of our own right now. Miz thinks everyone should get Big Show but they fight each other instead with Miz bailing to the floor.

Sheamus and Big Show throw out everyone on their own in about a minute and a half until they’re the only ones left. They fight for a bit until Big Show blocks a Brogue Kick and puts him on the apron. Miz comes back in as Show dumps Sheamus. A chokeslam gets rid of Miz and Big Show stands tall. This wasn’t a match but it did its job well.

Big E. vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title. Big E. takes him into the corner and hammers away but gets spun around in the corner, setting up the double stomp to the chest. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Big E. fights up. He charges into a pair of boots in the corner and gets two off a Backstabber. Del Rio avoids a charge to send Big E.’s shoulder into the post and the low superkick gets the pin at 2:48. What is it with Del Rio beating Big E. so easily when they fight?

Santino is upset that he and Emma have been having issues trying to go on a date. He complains to the makeup lady and talks about how much he cares for Emma as she’s behind him. Emma surprises him and they bump heads as Santino falls out of a chair.

Mr. T. Hall of Fame video.

Summer Rae/Natalya vs. Bella Twins

AJ is on commentary and seems to be ok with Tamina now. Nikki takes over on Natalya to start but Summer tags herself in. Summer sends her to the apron as AJ talks about how the match is a trainwreck. Brie comes in as the heels get in an argument, setting up the Bella Buster to Summer for the pin at 2:20. Nothing here at all.

We go back to Main Event for the Undertaker’s response to Paul Heyman. Undertaker choked Heyman down and told Heyman that he’ll slay the Beast in New Orleans. Lesnar and Undertaker will both be on Raw.

Video on the Streak.

Kane thanks those that helped him take out Shield. Ryback and Axel are granted a Tag Team Title match but Zeb wants to know what they’re getting. The Real Americans are granted a shot as well (no date was given for either shot), leaving only 3MB. Kane puts them in the battle royal. The Band leaves and the Outlaws come in. Kane is pleased with both of them and that’s about it.

Lane/Rusev do their thing.

Daniel Bryan’s shoulder is damaged and needs rest but he’s not missing any live events and will be on Raw.

John Cena vs. Luke Harper

Before the match we get the Eminem music video on Cena vs. Wyatt from Raw. Harper drives Cena into the corner to start but John comes out with right hands. Harper avoids a charge in the corner though and gets two off a neckbreaker. The LET’S GO CENA chants dominate their counterparts as Luke puts on a chinlock. Back up and Cena counters the shoulders with an atomic drop followed by a big boot for two. The ProtoBomb and Shuffle connect as Rowan is at ringside.

Harper escapes the AA and kicks Cena’s head off for two. John slaps on the STF but Luke bites his way out of it. Harper’s powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana but Luke one ups him with a running hurricanrana of his own. A Michinoku Driver gets two on Cena but a third big boot is countered into the AA for the pin at 5:29.

Rating: C. This was fine and Harper got to show off like Rowan did in his match against Cena. Having Harper and Rowan around is a built in perk for Bray as it allows his feuds to continue without having Bray get in the ring. The match was about what you would expect with Harper continuing to look good on his own.

Cena bails as the other Wyatts hit the ring.

Overall Rating: C. Tonight was giving focus to the Shield vs. Kane feud and the battle royal plus a few other things on the side. It’s always nice to see the lesser matches get some build, though I continue to wonder how good a big battle royal can possibly be. I hope Big Show is a red herring as he may make sense but he’s not the most interesting winner in the world.

Results

Fernando b. Fandango – Rollup

Dolph Ziggler b. Damien Sandow – Fameasser

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Shield vs. 3MB vs. Real Americans went to a no contest

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. – Superkick

Bella Twins b. Summer Rae/Natalya – Bella Buster to Summer

John Cena b. Luke Harper – Attitude Adjustment

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 17, 2014
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re under three weeks to Wrestlemania now and we’ve got the biggest matches down now. The main story coming into tonight will be HHH retaliating against Daniel Bryan as he promised to do on Smackdown. Other than that we’re likely going to get some more entrants into the Andre battle royal. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Occupy Raw last week.

HHH is in the ring and says what happens at Wrestlemania is all going to be our fault. He’s had a week to think about what happened with Daniel Bryan and it doesn’t sit well with him. At Wrestlemania, he’s going to do what he always does in the ring, but we’ll see that in twenty days. He tells us to enjoy the rest of the show but here’s Batista to interrupt.

Batista says HHH has problems with Daniel Bryan but the real problems are with him. HHH has no right to add Bryan to Batista’s main event because he’s back to be WWE Champion. Batista wants to know what HHH is thinking, but HHH wants to know why Batista thinks Bryan has a chance to make it to the title match at all.

This brings out Randy Orton to throw in his two cents. Orton is worried about Bryan being added as well but HHH cuts him off and asks if Bryan is really that much in their heads. The fans chant YES and Batista says Bryan may be in their heads, but nowhere near as much as he’s in HHH’s. Orton asks for and receives a No DQ match against Bryan tonight to prove he can do what Batista couldn’t.

Orton and Batista argue with Batista saying the YES Movement exists is because Orton sucks. He calls Orton a paper champion who only has those belts because of HHH’s support. HHH tries to hold them apart but gets shoved away so he just leaves. Batista says HHH has to fix this but HHH says he’s sick of this.

He’s sick of the little troll face Daniel Bryan, the fans chanting for him, of Hollywood movie stars telling HHH how to run this business, and of talented guys who need him to hold their hand to win a match. Maybe the old man was right: the only one you can trust in this world is yourself, so there’s going to be a triple threat at Wrestlemania, but Daniel Bryan won’t be in it. Instead, HHH is going to beat Daniel Bryan and go into the match himself. In other words, the winner goes to the title match. HHH leaves and Orton lays out Batista with an RKO.

Batista leaves and says coming back was a big mistake.

Real Americans vs. Usos

Non-title and this is a result of the Usos saving Cody Rhodes and Goldust from a post match attack by the Real Americans on Smackdown. Jey runs over Swagger to start and catches him in a spinebuster. Cole screws up early this time and says a win for the Tag Team Champions could give the Real Americans a shot at the titles. Cesaro comes in and works over Jey in the corner but gets caught by a kick to the chest.

Off to Jimmy for an uppercut and a slam. Jey comes back in and tries a leapfrog but jumps into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Off to Swagger again for a chinlock but Jimmy fights up and tags his brother back in to speed things up. A Cesaro distraction lets Jack kick Jimmy to the floor and we take a break. Back with Cesaro in control of Jimmy but he punches his way out of the corner.

Swagger catches him in a belly to belly suplex for two, followed by the Vader Bomb/Cesaro double stomp spot. The announcers praise the company for some awards the WWE App has won as Cesaro nails Jimmy with a European uppercut. Jimmy avoids a charge from Swagger and knocks Cesaro to the floor. A spinning kick to the back of Swagger’s head is enough for the hot tag to Jey who shouts US a lot before the corner Umaga attack gets two.

Jimmy breaks up a Cesaro Swing attempt and throws Cesaro at Jey for a Samoan drop and a near fall. Swagger comes back in and gets caught by the double superkick to send him to the floor. Jimmy dives onto Jack but Cesaro blocks a Jey dive with the European uppercut, setting up the Neutralizer for the pin on Jey at 12:25.

Rating: C. The amtch was fun but at the same time can we PLEASE stop having new champions lose matches to set up a future Tag Title match, which will likely have the New Age Outlaws as well. Here’s a simple way to do this instead: “The following contest is for the #1 contendership to the Tag Team Championship!” Throw Los Matadores out there and have a match, making both the champions and challengers look strong. Why do I have to give writing lessons to a WRITING TEAM?

We look at WWE Slam City, an animated series about what happens when the wrestlers all get fired and have to get day jobs. I’ve heard worse ideas actually.

Clip from Smackdown of the Shield costing Kane a match and leaving him laying after a Reigns spear to end the show.

Kane comes up to Shield in the back and says all four of them made mistakes on Friday. Ambrose doesn’t seem to care but Kane says they have a mission. If he can’t count on them then the Authority can’t count on them, meaning they’re a liability. Kane asks if he can count on them. Rollins says they’re united and Reigns says believe it. Kane gets even more serious and calls them replaceable.

Hornswoggle hands out t-shirts to fans when Bad News Barrett rises up on his podium. He makes fun of the leprechaun celebrating St. Patrick’s Day and talks about St. Patrick chasing the snakes out of Ireland. However, the bad news is the fans will spend all day getting drunk, have a hangover tomorrow and regret all the stupid things they’ve done.

Sheamus vs. Titus O’Neil

Hornswoggle is still at ringside. Titus is officially in the battle royal and comes out with a big green and white hat and a bright orange beard painted on his face. Christian is on commentary and announces himself as an entrant as well. O’Neil hammers Sheamus into the corner to start but gets sent to the floor and shouldered off the apron. Titus rams him into the post as Christian says he’s undefeated except for the losses he’s caused himself.

Christian says JBL looks like David Spade in a fat suit and JBL nearly loses it. Titus slams Sheamus to the mat and then the floor before throwing Hornswoggle inside. He tries a fall away slam but Sheamus comes back in and catches the little guy before throwing him into Titus’ ribs. There are the ten forearms to the chest and a powerslam setting up the Brogue Kick for the pin at 4:11.

Rating: C. Decent little power match here but Titus needs to win a match that matters instead of just being a jobber to the stars. He showed so much potential before the Darren Young match but this is his first appearance in weeks. It’s better than having nothing to do though so it could be worse.

Sheamus enters the battle royal post match but Christian attacks him and hits the Killswitch on the floor because this feud just can’t end.

Next week’s guest star: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine will be there as well.

Here’s Cena to talk about the Wyatts. He says he’s been here 12 years and has had over 3,500 matches which makes him like family to the WWE Universe. They’re like an old married couple and he has a secret for them: he’s afraid of Bray Wyatt. He’s afraid of everything Bray stands for and what he is, because he’s never fought anyone like Bray before.

Bray is trying to convince the people that what you see with John Cena isn’t real. Cena won’t take that because he believes in everything he’s done and stands for because Wrestlemania is about fighting for every scar and injury he’s been through. He’ll fight for his legacy at Wrestlemania and here are the Wyatts on screen.

Bray is wearing a Cena shirt and says children believe in superheroes because they want to believe the world is good. They haven’t learned the truth about life yet. Bray’s childhood wasn’t all rainbows and butterfliers. He has scars of his own because the world gave them to him. Everything he loves in life is going to wither away and die.

The fans chant for Cena as Bray says he could be just like John. He could sign autographs and kiss babies to make sure people bought his merchandise and go home to his plastic girlfriend in his castle while making jokes about everything to make himself feel better. At Wrestlemania, Bray doesn’t care if he dies as long as the world sees Cena the way he does. Follow the buzzards.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

No DQ and non-title. Orton hammers him into the corner to start but can’t ram Bryan face first into the buckle. Daniel scores with a knee to the ribs and wraps Randy’s leg around the post. Back in and Orton uppercuts Bryan down and heads to the floor for some forearms to the chest. Daniel comes back with a hard shot to knock Orton off the apron before nailing the FLYING GOAT. Orton pulls a kendo stick out from under the ring and says there’s no bell to ring because it’s No DQ. He belly to back suplexes Bryan onto the announce table and we take a break.

Back with Orton still in control and working over Bryan’s back before crotching him against the post. He hits the backbreaker from the apron to the floor in a nice looking move as the announcers talk about HHH losing his cool earlier tonight. They head inside again with Orton throwing Bryan into the corner before stopping to do the YES motion. Bryan backflips over Orton out of the corner and hits the running clothesline.

Daniel hits the running dropkick in the corner to set up a top rope hurricanrana for two. It’s kendo stick/YES KICK time with Daniel going off on Orton. The big kick to the head gets two more but Randy pops up and crotches Daniel on the top rope. A superplex gets two for the champion and he just stomps on Bryan out of frustration.

The Elevated DDT puts Daniel down but he rolls to the floor before the RKO. Orton comes outside and gets caught by the running dropkick, sending Orton into the timekeeper’s area. Randy gets a chair and blasts Daniel in the ribs and back before heading back inside, only to have Batista spear Orton in half. Bryan dropkicks Batista outside and steals the pin on Batista at 14:32.

Rating: B-. These guys get better each time they’re out there and this was their most entertaining match in awhile. The No DQ rule helped a lot and even though it was pretty obvious Batista was coming back, the stuff we got leading up to that was entertaining as well. Good match here.

Batista hits the Bomb on Orton post match.

How to get the WWE Network.

Here’s Heyman with something to say. He says Undertaker has gotten a lot of wins at Wrestlemania but barely survived. Those same opponents have been easily beaten by Brock Lesnar and Heyman has proof. We get a video of Undertaker’s Wrestlemania matches, showing how much more difficult each victory has been because Undertaker is getting older. On the other hand, Brock has destroyed HHH, Mark Henry and CM Punk. The video closes with a great line: “Now he will conquer death itself.” Heyman says the Streak will Rest in Peace at Wrestlemania.

HHH and Stephanie are in the back and Stephanie doesn’t like the idea of HHH talking to Bryan tonight. She’ll ignore him saying he wants to talk to Bryan “like a man” and goes on a rant about Bryan spitting on the McMahon legacy. HHH says it’s just talking but Stephanie wants to know what happens when HHH wins the title and has to go on the road. What about their business or the family. HHH glares at her and says he’s got this so don’t worry about it. Stephanie says he better take care of things before storming out.

Goldust vs. Fandango

Goldust looks at Summer Rae and still catches Fandango coming after him. A few atomic drops have the dancer in trouble and Goldust does a few steps of his own. Summer gets on the apron as Goldust does some disco dancing. He barks at Summer but Cody catches her, only to have Fandango get in some cheap shots.

Summer doesn’t mind being caught by Cody but Fandango isn’t pleased. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Goldust fights up, only to get caught in the chinlock again. Goldust has a bit of blood next to his right eye. A suplex gets two on Goldust but Fandango misses the top rope legdrop. Goldust hits a quick Final Cut for the pin at 5:13. Goldust looked angry about the cut.

Rating: C-. You know what? I kind of liked this. No story, no reason for the match, nothing after. Just two guys having a match for about five minutes and the bigger star getting a clean pin. Everything has a point most of the time and it gets a bit tiring at times. I rather enjoyed just having a quick match with no meaning to it at all. Not a bad match either.

Here’s Kane to address the Shield. He talks about all the safety codes that were broken last week in the Occupy Raw movement and blames someone for causing it. Jerry Lawler of all people was apparently responsible for getting those fans into the ring, which JBL accused him of doing last week. Lawler won’t get up so here’s Shield to deal with the problem. Kane unbuttons his shirt and says he’s known Jerry for a long time. Lawler isn’t in fighting shape so Kane is only going to enjoy this a little. Jerry is given the chance to speak on his own behalf as Shield surrounds him.

Instead it’s Rollins saying he sees the look in Lawler’s eyes and has a good feeling Daniel Bryan isn’t coming to save him. The Shield however, always does what’s best for business. They slowly turn to face Kane and Lawler takes the opportunity to run for his life. Kane stares the three of them down and shakes his head. He says Reigns doesn’t know what he’s about to do and the beating is on. Kane fights them off for awhile but Rollins kicks his head off and the spear drops him. There’s the Triple Bomb and Kane is left laying. This still didn’t feel like a face turn but rather an anti-Kane turn.

Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka

Naomi is back with a patch over her eye (and of course it has glitter) and the Bellas are on commentary. Nikki thinks she should get a Divas Title shot, even though Naomi is #1 contender. Cameron hammers away on Tamina to start but gets her head taken off by a clothesline. AJ comes in and puts on a chinlock as the Bellas tease JBL with talk of tattoos. Back to Tamina but Cameron makes the tag off to Naomi. Everything breaks down and AJ grabs a guillotine choke on Naomi, only to be slammed down, followed by the split legged moonsault for the pin at 3:42.

Rating: C. For commercial for Total Divas. Multi-Diva match at the PPV. Next.

AJ yells at Tamina post match and gets shoved down. Tamina walks off.

The latest inductee into the Hall of Fame is Mr. T., which was announced earlier today.

We look back at Hogan announcing the battle royal last week.

Big E./Big Show/Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry vs. Alberto Del Rio/Damien Sandow/Curtis Axel/Ryback

All eight of these guys are in the battle royal. Big E. and Ryback start things out and a weak Goldberg chant begins. Ryback shoves him into the corner but Big E. runs him over with a big shoulder. Off to Henry vs. Axel with Mark kicking Curtis’ face off. Ziggler gets the tag to a high pitched pop and grabs a neckbreaker on Ryback. A dropkick sends the power guy to the floor and it’s a standoff as we go to a break.

Back with Sandow working over Ziggler before it’s off to Ryback for a delayed vertical suplex. He takes a bit too long though and Dolph counters into a small package for two. Back to Axel for some elbows to the head but Ziggler comes back with a DDT. Sandow breaks up the hot tag attempt and sends Dolph head first into the buckle. He misses a charge though and goes head first into the buckle as well, allowing the hot tag to Big Show. Everything breaks down and people are thrown up and over the top rope. Big Show and Sandow are left alone and it’s a chokeslam for the pin at approximately 12:00.

Rating: C-. This was just a preview for the battle royal and there’s nothing wrong with that. Much like everything else tonight, the wrestling wasn’t the point here and it really didn’t need to be. The battle royal is going to be a big part of the show and it’s going to be a fun match so points for actually building it a big.

We look back at the Bryan/Batista/Orton situation from earlier.

Batista tries to leave again and says he’s never quit anything in his life.  He’s leaving Wrestlemania with the title no matter who the third man is.

Bray Wyatt vs. Kofi Kingston

Before the match we get a video on Bray vs. Cena set to a rap song about a guy being strange since birth and talking about legacy with clips of Bray’s original backwoods videos, comparing them to Cena’s mainstream appeal. This is really starting to work. The match is a total squash with Bray destroying Kofi while singing about having the joy down in his heart. He runs Kofi over with a clothesline and drives in right hands before dropping him with a gutbuster. Sister Abigail ends this squash at 2:55.

Trailer for Oculus, a new movie from WWE Studios. It’s a horror movie about an evil mirror.

Here’s HHH for the big talk with Bryan. Daniel accepts his invitation down to the ring and HHH says this has never been personal. It’s always been about what’s best for business whether Daniel can understand that or not. Somehow this has been where it’s always led and they’re going to fight in three weeks at Wrestlemania. HHH won’t apologize for what he does to Bryan in that ring and he wouldn’t expect an apology from Bryan either. Bryan has crossed a line and HHH has to put an end to it at Wrestlemania because he has no choice.

HHH has to end the YES Movement and end the uprising and shut everything down. He has to do that and if he has to destroy Daniel to do that, then so be it. There are no hard feelings in all of this and may the best man win. HHH sticks out his hand but Bryan shakes his head no. That’s cool with HHH because he would do the exact same thing. HHH has tried to stop Bryan since Summerslam and dumped a world on top of him, but Bryan is still standing here. The fans chant for Daniel Bryan because he hasn’t folded under the pressure. Now the fans try a CM Punk chant as HHH says Bryan has earned his respect.

He goes to leave but here’s Stephanie to rant about respect. Bryan endangered people’s lives last week including HHH’s, so she’s pressing formal charges. Cops come out to arrest Bryan, though I’m not sure they have jurisdiction over something that happened in Tennessee. The cops surround Bryan and forcibly take him to the ground with nightsticks. They don’t beat him, but HHH has that evil smile on his face. He calls the cops as Bryan’s hands are bound behind his back.

HHH says this isn’t what he wants because these aren’t even real cops. They leave the ring and Stephanie is smiling as well. HHH is looking forward to this and goes after a defenseless Bryan. They head outside with HHH sending him into the steps and announce table as Stephanie cheers him on. Bryan comes back with some headbutts, only to be dropped on the announce table again.

He screams about his arm before HHH throws him into the barricade and punches even more. The beating keeps going with Bryan just getting destroyed. HHH lays him on the table one more time and Stephanie mocks the YES motion. She gets in a few slaps for good measure. Bryan: “YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL!” HHH lay shim against the post and cracks Bryan in the head with a chair like a Concharito. Daniel is out cold so HHH adds a Pedigree and kisses Stephanie.  He says this belongs to them and there is no YES Movement.

Overall Rating: B+. Tonight was all about the emotions leading up to Wrestlemania. We saw it in the triple threat story, heard about it with Cena being afraid of Bray Wyatt, heard it from Big Show when he talked about what the battle royal meant to him and saw it with Kane being angry at the Shield.

The matches are all set but tonight was a big step in making us care. Having a good match is one thing, but making the fans CARE about it is a different story entirely. The latter is very rare but they’re going for it with this Wrestlemania. That’s the right way to go about a big show and they’re giving it the effort it needs. Tonight made me want to see these matches on a different level than I did before and that’s exactly what these shows are supposed to do.

Results

Real Americans b. Usos – Neutralizer to Jey

Sheamus b. Titus O’Neil – Brogue Kick

Daniel Bryan b. Randy Orton – Pin after a spear from Batista

Goldust b. Fandango – Final Cut

Funkadactyls b. Tamina Snuka/AJ Lee – Split legged moonsault to AJ

Big E./Big Show/Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry b. Alberto Del Rio/Damien Sandow/Curtis Axel/Ryback – Chokeslam to Sandow

Bray Wyatt b. Kofi Kingston – Sister Abigail

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Smackdown
Date: March 14, 2014
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The major matches are now set for Wrestlemania and all we have left is to fill in the roster for the battle royal and get the midcard taken care of. Aside from all of the big stuff from Raw, the other top story we might get some more on tonight is Shield having some issues with Kane, which might lead to Kane embracing his hate and dropping the corporate character. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We look back at Occupy Raw.

Here’s HHH sans Stephanie to open things up. He’s greated by a YES chant and HHH says that must feel good. Monday was one of the greatest nights of their lives and it must have been one of Daniel Bryan’s best nights ever as well. That was their moment in the sun though and Daniel Bryan isn’t here tonight. He’ll be dealt with on Raw and everything will be ended at Wrestlemania, but tonight he has to deal with the fans.

The people chant NO which tells HHH that they would have jumped in the ring and participated had they been at Raw. However, they traded in all of their happy tomorrows for the end of the YES Movement. HHH has protected Daniel Bryan over the last few months by keeping him away from the deep end of the roster so the people could have hope.

That’s what the YES Movement represents: hope for the people and all of their miserable lives. The fans chant for Bryan, who HHH says is just like each and every one of the people here: good, but just not good enough to succeed. At Wrestlemania he’ll crush those hopes and dreams because there will be no triple threat and more happily ever after. However let’s get to business tonight, so get out here Damien Sandow. HHH cuts him off before the apology can get started. Sandow gets a match against an opponent picked by Vickie Guerrero.

Damien Sandow vs. Seth Rollins

This is joined in progress after a break with Seth in full control. Sandow gets in a few shots and Rollins heads outside for a second. Back in and Seth does his backflip in the corner into the downward spiral into the middle buckle. A running forearm in the corner sets up a dropkick but Sandow gets outside to avoid the top rope Black Out. Shield distracts him so Seth can hit a suicide dive, followed by the Black Out for the pin at 2:27. The announcers spent the match arguing about this being a conspiracy.

Ambrose sends Sandow into the ring again for the first Triple Bomb in months.

We look back at Hogan announcing the battle royal.

Fandango vs. Big E.

Non-title. Before the match Fandango enters the battle royal. Fandango takes over to start but Big E. fights up and hits the belly to belly. The Warrior Splash connects and Big E. runs Fandango over, takes down the strap and Big Endings his way to a win at 1:37. Total squash.

We take a quick look at Heyman and Undertaker’s segment on Raw.

Bad News Barrett says the Streak will end and children will cry. Therefore, parents won’t get any sleep and fall asleep at a meeting and get fired.

Real Americans vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

We recap the Americans’ problems from Monday with Cesaro crushing Jack’s hand. Goldust and Swagger get things going with Goldust scoring off a shoulder and the uppercut. Off to Cody to crank on the arm but Jack drives him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs. Cody escapes a belly to back suplex and drops to the mat for an uppercut to the face. A springboard dropkick knocks Swagger off the apron and a backdrop puts Cesaro outside but he catches Cody’s plancha in mid air.

Rhodes is gutwrenched onto the floor and we take a break. Back with Cody firing off some right hands and backdropping Swagger to the floor. Cesaro blocks the tag with the Swing (JBL: “He’s swinging him so much his daddy’s polka dots are dizzy!”) but Swagger’s Vader Bomb hits boots.

Cesaro breaks up another tag attempt but the Real Americans argue over a tag. It’s Cesaro staying in with a vertical suplex right in front of Jack. Swagger tags himself in as Zeb is losing his mind. Jack realizes what’s about to happen and knocks Goldust off the apron, only to get caught in a backslide to give Cody the pin at 7:48.

Rating: C-. That loss is all on Swagger and Cesaro shouldn’t get much of the blame. Seriously, how do you lose to a backslide of all things? The lack of a hot tag was a change of pace from the usual formula and it’s kind of nice to see. The pin was a surprise as I’m so used to waiting on the big hot sequence and it was nice to not know what was coming.

The Real Americans destroy Cody post match until the Usos make the save.

We recap Bray vs. Cena from Raw and Wyatt accepting the challenge.

Bray Wyatt vs. Kofi Kingston

Bray’s eyes bug out at the bell and Kofi gets in a right hand, making Wyatt smile. He sits in the corner and shouts at Kingston before grabbing him by the leg and shoving him down. Kofi grabs Bray’s leg and spin kicks Wyatt out to the floor. Back in and Kofi hammers away but Wyatt shoves him down with ease. Kofi comes back with a springboard shot to the head but Bray just throws him over the ropes and out to the floor. A backsplash gets two on Kingston and Bray just runs him over with a clothesline. Sister Abigail is good for the pin at 3:54.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much to see but Bray’s eyes and power stuff looked good. There’s something so off about him that it’s hard not to watch him every time he’s out there. Kofi is a good sacrificial lamb for Bray or anyone for that matter as he’s going to be the same guy no matter what happens to him.

Kane tells Shield to be at ringside for the main event but they say they don’t listen to him. They’ll be out there because it’s best for business.

Nikki Bella vs. Tamina Snuka

AJ sits in on commentary as Tamina takes Nikki down by the hair. Nikki is sent to the floor and holds her knee, prompting some amusing fake concern from the champ. Back in and Nikki gets slammed down but still avoids the Superfly Splash. AJ tries to figure out who the #1 contender is as Tamina kicks Nikki’s head off for two. Tamina gets bored with Nikki and throws Brie into the barricade for fun. It doesn’t pay off though as Nikki hits the Rack for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: D. Divas, regular match, Nikki’s turn for a push. Next.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio is in the battle royal as well, saying it’s the only thing he has left to win. Ziggler quickly knocks Alberto outside before tossing him right back in for the ten elbows. Del Rio avoids a charge in the corner and double stomps him to the mat and we go to a break. Back with Ziggler (Dolph Showoff according to Cole) hammering away in the corner and getting two off a neckbreaker.

Alberto catches a charging Ziggler in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but the low superkick misses, setting up the jumping DDT from Ziggler. Now the low superkick connects for a close two but Ziggler countered the armbreaker. Ziggler ducks the running enziguri in the corner and hits the Fameasser for an even closer two. Dolph goes up but gets crotched and caught in the reverse superplex for two. The armbreaker is countered again but this time into the Zig Zag to give Dolph the pin at 6:03 shown of 9:33.

Rating: B-. This was pretty much just the ending sequence to a main event match after cutting off all the buildup. I could get used to this idea in matches that don’t mean anything such as this. Del Rio and Ziggler are another of those combinations where they’re fought so many times that I just don’t care to see them ever again. This was entertaining though.

Dolph enters the battle royal and says it will be his Wrestlemania moment.

The next inductee into the Hall of Fame is Carlos Colon.

WWE Network tutorial.

It’s Wyatts time. Luke says everything has been forgotten and the lie has become the truth. Bray says he never sleeps but is always dreaming, and lately his dreams have been of John Cena. They’ll be sharing a war in New Orleans but off in the distance there’s a woman’s voice. Bray can’t understand it but the closer he gets the clearer it becomes. The voice is saying she loves him and how proud she is of Bray. Now he sees Cena for what he’ll become. Eventually he’ll be a lonely old man full of regret. Cena shouldn’t worry about a thing because he’ll make it quick. Follow the buzzards.

Kane vs. Big Show

Shield is nowhere in sight. Kane whips Show across the ring but Show does the same to him as Shield comes to ringside. A headbutt drops Kane and a chop sends him to the floor, right in front of the Shield. Back in and Kane avoids a knee drop and gets two off a low dropkick. We hit a leg lock on the bigger monster but Big Show counters out with pure leg strength.

Back up and Kane gets two off a running DDT but Show breaks the chokeslam attempt. Show runs him over with a spear but rolls to the floor to glare at Shield. He goes up but gets chokeslammed off the top for two. Shield gets on the apron and Kane orders them to attack but Shield bails and Kane walks into a bad looking chokeslam (thankfully the camera hid it) for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: D. These guys just are not fun to watch. WWE has this theory that you can put these two against each other and it’s going to be entertaining because they’re both big and strong. They’ve fought several dozen times over the years and I don’t remember any of them being anything better than watchable.

Reigns spears Kane to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There were some decent matches tonight but a lot of them were just quick ones that didn’t really add anything. It was nice to see some stuff actually happen here, such as the battle royal growing and the Hall of Fame announcement, but there still wasn’t much of interest to this show. You have to expect that once Wrestlemania is made though.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater was taped but not aired. That appears to be a thing they’re doing on Smackdown anymore. The spoilers indicate it’s presented as part of the taping and not a dark match. Sheamus won via Brogue Kick in about five minutes.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Damien Sandow – Black Out

Big E. b. Fandango – Big Ending

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans – Backslide to Swagger

Bray Wyatt b. Kofi Kingston – Sister Abigail

Nikki Bella b. Tamina Snuka – Rack

Dolph Ziggler b. Alberto Del Rio – Zig Zag

Big Show b. Kane – Chokeslam

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It’s better than any other title I could come up with.

The Punk music to open the show was a brilliant move. You had to let those fans let off some steam and putting one of their idols in Paul Heyman out there was one of their best options. Paul talking about Punk like a Paul Heyman Guy again was the best way they were going to calm the fans down because Heyman is capable of taking an audience into his hands and make them do whatever he wants. The reaction when Heyman said that Punk wasn’t there was a great moment with the fans being calmed down but then getting angry all over again.

Then they one upped that by transitioning the heat over from Punk to Lesnar vs. Undertaker by tying the stories together. It didn’t do as well as they would have liked, but the fans weren’t freaking out as much about Punk and got into another idea. I wasn’t wild on Mark Henry coming out to confront Lesnar again as it’s just getting old, but that shot with the steps made me cringe.

The Usos FINALLY won the Tag Titles and I can’t complain about much here. I wasn’t wild on the Outlaws winning the belts but I said I didn’t care as long as they were transitional champions. I could have waited for Wrestlemania for this but they had to do something to keep the crowd calm. The moment worked well and felt like it was a long time in the making. That plancha with a tag in the middle is freaking cool.

I’ll combine the Big E./Real Americans segments into one. It’s getting clear that the team isn’t long for this WWE but I’m not sure how they’re going to get there. Cesaro is getting way too popular to be in a jobbing tag team much longer but I’m not sure how they go about breaking the team up. Big E. has nothing else to do so you would have to assume he’s involved with them at Wrestlemania, but I can’t imagine they’re doing a triple threat. Cesaro winning makes more sense, but at the same time Swagger seems to be the more likely winner. Good developments last night though and the first real sign of a split between the team.

Next up was Shield vs. Wyatts II as the fans continue to be appeased. The match was nowhere near as good as their first encounter but it wasn’t a fair comparison to make. This match was all about the storytelling with Rollins going INSANE and then breaking away from the team. He was clearly upset by what he did but the team had to split someday. You would think Shield vs. Wyatts in a street fight would be as easy of a layup as you could have and there’s a chance it happens at Extreme Rules but it doesn’t look all that likely right now.

Rollins bailing from the team makes sense given how he’s been presented as the glue that holds the team together. That being said, the other two played their roles perfectly. The Wyatts kept Reigns out of the match for as long as they could, similar to what the Horsemen did to the Giant when they feuded with the Dungeon of Doom back in 1996. Ambrose looked INSANE last night when he was diving on people and punching the tar out of them. That’s the Ambrose that got over huge and the Ambrose that the Undertaker picked for a singles match last year in England. Also, he put on a better Figure Four than Miz could ever dream of.

Batista had a quick promo about Daniel Bryan. “Deal With It” grows on me more and more every time I hear it.

The dancing match happened and that’s really all there is to say. Emma is slowly winning the crowd over as she’s allowed to be herself and not Santino’s latest conquest. Imagine that: you let someone do the stuff that got her to the main roster and it works better.

So then there was that segment where Stephanie talked about showing her daughters great moments in McMahon history which showed the problem with WWE’s “Real Talk” moments. That segment felt endearing, sweet and kind and served as a good ad for the Network. Yeah, it’s a cool idea for parents to be able to show their kids the stuff they grew up watching and I’d do that if I had kids who were into wrestling, but it’s coming from Stephanie McMahon.

That would be the same Stephanie McMahon who is currently one of the top heels in the company and would be ripping Daniel Bryan apart just an hour later. Last night I was waiting for that segment to turn into a heel promo against someone, but it was one of those moments that was supposed to be serious. You don’t have heels do sweet stuff like that because it gets them sympathy, which defeats the purpose. Have ANY face with kids do that same speech and it works just fine. But this is WWE, where Stephanie and HHH are heels but also the kind of people we’re supposed to relate to and admire because…..why is that actually?

Sheamus and Christian had another match, then they set up yet another match. Again, there seems to be no idea how to book Sheamus and it’s getting more and more tiresome each time. At least the match wasn’t bad though.

The Divas…..yeah.

This brings us to the big showdown between HHH and Bryan. In theory they’re setting up Bryan vs. HHH, but later in the night they seemed to be setting up Bryan in the triple threat for the title. That being said, the Bryan speech worked well and got the crowd into them again, but there’s one key thing to this: HHH AND STEPHANIE ACTED LIKE HEELS. I could get behind this version of the Authority being evil to the fans and then getting their comeuppance down the line. The problem is will they ever get that comeuppance.

It’s clear that they’re going towards one of those two matches, but at the same time it seems like they’re heading to both of them at the same time. For the life of me I can’t imagine Bryan beating HHH to qualify for the title match later in the night. They need to pick one: either Bryan knees HHH’s head into the Gulf of Mexico or pinning Batista to win the title. The idea of doing both just doesn’t quite work, but the triple threat makes more sense. At the end of the day they’re just not going to go with heel Orton vs. heel Batista to close out Wrestlemania and they’d be crazy to have the match at all. I think they’re going with the triple threat but it’s still up in the air.

Aaron Paul’s guest star segment was fine. There’s only so much you can do with stuff like that and it worked as well as it could have.

Paul Bearer going into the Hall of Fame works and was going to happen one day. I do like that the class this year is far smaller as they’re looking at 5-6 entrants at this point.

The Cena promo was good stuff. He acknowledged the fans’ chants (which is all they’re really wanting) and tied it in to the Wyatt feud, which is the best possible thing he could have done. Bray talking about Cena being lonely on top is an interesting way to go as Bray could get psychological on Cena, who is as well guarded a character as there is. Also: Cena continues to take Wyatt seriously, which is the most important thing he could do.

I’ve pretty much covered the main event already and there isn’t much else to say on it. Bryan won but the story was the post match stuff, as is almost the case every single time.

Now that leaves us with the big story from last night: the crowd. There’s only one way to explain this crowd, so join me in 1979.

Odds are a lot of you have seen the movie The Jerk. In the movie, Steve Martin goes on a rant about how he doesn’t need anybody or anything…..except for this. And this. Plus this. Maybe this too. And a few other things.

The Chicago crowd last night absolutely hated WWE and Raw in general. Except for Undertaker. Brock Lesnar. Dolph Ziggler and Aaron Paul because they’re just cool. Shield vs. Wyatts because they’re all awesome. Uh….Cena isn’t bad. Heyman is of course a genius. Daniel Bryan isn’t even worth bringing up because he’s the best in the world. Oh the Usos winning the titles was a cool moment. Christian is awesome so we can’t boo him. You can’t boo the Divas because they look good. Cesaro is freaking STRONG. But yeah, WWE sucks right now and they’re holding everyone down and we need to protest!

The fans came off like spoiled children who get 14 out of the 15 items on their Christmas lists and throw a fit because they didn’t get that ONE last thing……until their parents open the closet and find a surprise package. That’s the catch to this whole thing about Bryan: HE DOESN’T HAVE A MATCH YET. If you were just listening to people talking about Bryan, you would think he’s on the preshow against Heath Slater. He’s going to be in one of the main events and there’s a very real chance he’s walking out as WWE Champion. The card is going to rock (Taker vs. Lesnar, Shield explodes, Cena vs. Wyatt, Cesaro swinging someone around for an hour. How is that not going to be AMAZING?) but because ONE THING isn’t there, the fans think it’s time for a revolution.

Actually there are two things they might not be getting in Bryan and the biggest name from last night, CM Punk. As has been said about a million times, Punk isn’t a martyr. He’s a guy who wasn’t getting what he wanted in WWE and walked out two months before their biggest show of the year. The fans can act like this is all WWE’s fault because fans aren’t realistic (and shouldn’t be), but at the end of the day CM Punk walked out because he didn’t want anything but the main event at Wrestlemania. If he comes back and gets into the title picture then cool, but don’t act like he’s doing this for some cause, because it’s pretty clear he isn’t.

Overall the show was more story advancement for the most part, which is interesting stuff given that there are still so many loose ends. There are still two options, but both of them are looking less and less likely, leaving us with one of two weak options. There’s still a month before the show but they need to pick something already so they can build the thing up. Maybe that’s what Hogan’s announcement next week will be? Good show overall but they need to pick something already.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 3, 2014
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This is one of those shows I’ve been wanting to see for what feels like months. We’re in one of the holy lands of smart fans and there’s a possibility that they’ll try to hijack the show with CM Punk chants. We’ll also get more build to Wrestlemania, including a match between Daniel Bryan and Batista. Let’s get to it.

First thing up: CM Punk’s music but Paul Heyman coming out instead. Nice little tease there. Heyman holds the mic out to the crowd as a HUGE CM Punk chant starts up. Heyman: “I believe he deserves louder than that.” He sits down in the middle of the ring and says he’s here to tell the story of a Paul Heyman guy who was never truly wanted in WWE. This was a Paul Heyman guy that was too small to main event Wrestlemania with too many tattoos who would rebel against the first family.

He’s here tonight to tell you about a guy born in, raised in and still living in Chicago. His name is Paul Heyman and this is his pipe bomb about CM Punk……who is not here this evening. After pausing for another CM Punk chant, Heyman says no one is more upset than him about CM Punk not performing in this ring tonight. So what happened? Why won’t anyone talk about why CM Punk isn’t here tonight? There’s someone to blame for why Punk doesn’t get to perform around here. That finger of blame is being pointed at every single fan here tonight.

This is why Heyman finds it easier to lie all the time. He managed Punk to a 434 day WWE Title reign and then the fans took him away with promises of love and affirmation. But all that did was take Punk away from everybody, including the fans themselves. Heyman also blames the Undertaker because Punk couldn’t stop the Streak last year and now Paul wants revenge. He wants to see Streak taken away from the Undertaker, but how do you kill someone who is already dead? There is only one man that can conquer the Streak: the beast incarnate, Brock Lesnar.

A ticked off Lesnar comes out and we see a clip from the end of last week’s show with Undertaker stabbing Brock with a pen to sign the contract for Wrestlemania XXX. Brock says Undertaker is scared to death of him and last week proved it. Many people have tried to conquer the streak but many men have failed to do so, including Chicago’s own CM Punk.

The Streak will be conquered by Brock Lesnar and Lesnar is ready to leave, but here’s Mark Henry for a staredown. Brock says bring it on and charges right into a right hand. Mark gets thrown into the steps and Lesnar looks livid. He blasts Henry in the face with the steps with one of the hardest shots I’ve seen in years. An F5 through the table knocks Henry even more out cold and the fans chant for Punk.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Usos

The Outlaws are defending but Road Dogg doesn’t think the fans here are worthy of hearing his catchphrases. It only took them two months to remember they’re heels. Jey hammers on Roadie to start but gets whipped hard into the corner. Uso comes out holding his knee so Dogg kicks him to the floor for a breather. Billy throws him back inside and hammers away before it’s back to Dogg. Jey’s leg seems to be holding up well enogh and Dogg even works it over a bit. Roadie throws him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Jey fighting out of a chinlock but getting slammed down for two. Dogg comes back in and takes a spin kick to the face (the knee seems fine). The hot tag brings in Jimmy to face Billy. Dogg gets knocked off the apron and a Samoan drop puts Gunn down. There’s a Bubba Bomb to Billy and the running Umaga attack in the corner to Roadie.

A reverse Whisper in the Wind hits Gunn and there’s a superkick to knock Dogg to the floor. Gunn rolls up Jimmy for two and the tilt-a-whirl slam gets the same. The Fameasser just misses and the Usos do the plancha with the flying tag, setting up the superkick and Superfly Splash to FINALLY give the Usos the Tag Titles at 9:27.

Rating: C+. It’s about three years overdue but this was the best way to do it. I have no problem with the Outlaws keeping the title for just a few weeks as they put the young guys over 100% clean before Wrestlemania. Good little match and they made it feel like it meant something, which is rare for these titles.

The Divas watch a clip from Need For Speed and pine for Aaron Paul. Apparently Dolph Ziggler is riding here with Paul tonight. Aksana wants to ride with him too because she likes fast cars.

Big E. vs. Cesaro

Non-title again. Cesaro quickly catches Big E. in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and the fans are completely behind him. Big E. sends him into the corner and snaps off a great belly to belly suplex, only to be sent to the floor before the Warrior Splash can hit. Big E. drops Swagger with a right hand but walks back inside for the Swing. Not that it matters as Swagger runs in for the DQ at 1:24.

Cesaro takes the Big Ending post match.

Shield vs. Wyatt Family

The fans think this is awesome while Bray is still in the chair. He stands up and whips off the hat but Ambrose and Rollins dive through the ropes to take out the Family. Reigns runs over Bray and sends him to the floor as the bell ring. Harper puts Rollins on the top rope but Seth backflips off and lands on his feet, runs into the ring and flip dives onto Harper and dives back inside to flip dive onto Rowan. Rollins goes back up but Bray throws Ambrose into the ropes to knock Seth to the floor in a nasty fall.

Back from a break with Rollins in a chinlock before being run over with a shoulder block. Ambrose goes to yell at Bray and Reigns goes to get him, leaving no one for a free Rollins to tag. Seth hits a quick Downward Spiral to send Rowan into the middle buckle and makes a tag to Dean as things speed up. He runs over Erick and hammers away before going after the leg.

Dean slaps on a Figure Four but Harper breaks it up with a double stomp. Reigns comes in as Dean brawls with Wyatt. The fans are WAY into Wyatt here as he hammers on Ambrose’s head and shouts a lot. Ambrose is caught in the cultish corner as the fans think this is awesome. Another Punk chant stars up while Harper stands on Dean’s chest. Back to Rowan for the fist vice but Dean is still able to taunt the Wyatts. He pulls Erick’s beard to break it up but walks into a sidewalk slam for two. The fans chant for Reigns as Ambrose takes Harper’s head off with a clothesline.

Bray comes in and knocks Roman off the apron, leaving only Rollins to take the tag from Ambrose……but he drops to the floor. Seth walks away and Roman tries to play peacekeeper. Rollins shouts that Reigns wasn’t there for him when he needed a tag so the other two can figure it out. Wyatt runs over Ambrose but Roman makes the save. Reigns goes nuts with Superman Punches and Ambrose is back in as well.

Reigns hits a running boot from the floor to the apron as Ambrose hammers on Wyatt. Reigns spears Rowan over the announce table and Harper hits a suicide dive to send Reigns over the table. Dean goes after Luke but Bray posts him. Rollins is still on the ramp as a THIS IS AWESOME chant starts up. Sister Abigail is enough to end Ambrose at 13:55.

Rating: B+. This wasn’t the match from Elimination Chamber but it didn’t need to be. We already got the showdown and tonight was all about the story. There’s more to come from this story as Rollins looked conflicted about his decision, meaning there’s going to be something special at Wrestlemania. Again, I’m loving this time in WWE and this is going to make Wrestlemania even better.

Batista thinks the YES Movement is one of the stupidest things he’s ever seen. These fans are turning someone like Daniel Bryan into a superhero but he could never be like Batista. No one may like it, but they have to deal with it. That’s a great heel catchphrase.

The Usos will defend against the Outlaws tomorrow night on the live Main Event special.

Santino Marella/Emma vs. Fandango/Summer Rae

We open with COMEDY as Santino keeps high fiveing Emma which means they have to switch. Fandango jumps Santino to start and gets two off a spinwheel kick. Santino comes back with a jawbreaker and it’s off to the girls for some Emma dancing. The Dilemma (Tarantula) sets up the Emma Sandwich (running cross body to a seated Summer) and the Emma Lock gets the win at 3:24.

Rating: D+. Believe it or not the fans actually didn’t hate this. Emma is the kind of girl that is going to get over due to being rather cute and fun when given the chance, which she’s finally getting. It helps that she can go in the ring and some of those submission holds proved it. Nice showing here but I’m tired of this same match in various forms week after week.

Stephanie loves showing her daughters great moments in McMahon history on the WWE Network. This is treated like a sweet moment.

Sheamus vs. Christian

Christian stalls before the bell and then slaps Sheamus in the face. The chase is on and Christian is sent into the barricade. Back in and a knee drop gets two on the Canadian but he sends Sheamus into the corner for some choking. Christian slaps him in the face again and gets an Irish Curse for his efforts. Sheamus misses a charge to the floor but just steps out of the way of a plancha. Christian escapes a powerslam and hides behind the announcers as we go to a break.

Back with Christian missing something off the middle rope but still being able to shove Sheamus off the top and out to the floor in a BIG crash. Christian throws him over the barricade and talks trash before taking Sheamus back inside. Sheamus says bring it on so Christian suplexes him down but misses a top rope splash. The rolling fireman’s carry sets up the ten forearms but Christian fights out. Christian goes up top but gets caught in mid air and now the ten forearms connect.

A running knee on the apron sets up a running knee in the ring for two for Sheamus. The Irishman is holding his shoulder and arm so Christian takes him down and gets two off the frog splash. Back to the CM Punk chant as White Noise gets a VERY close two. Christian throws him to the apron but Sheamus hits a quick Brogue Kick anyway and comes back inside for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B-. Definitely the best match in their series as they treated it more like a fight than a match. The crowd of course didn’t care and called the match awful because they’re petulant children that only care what they want and have no problem messing with three million fans at home because it’s what they want to do.

Back from a break and Christian jumps Sheamus in the back and hits the injured arm with I believe a light.

Bella Twins vs. Aksana/Alicia Fox

Brie runs over Aksana to start but it’s quickly off to Alicia to ram Brie’s head into the mat. The heels work on Brie for a bit as this is already going nowhere. Fox slams Brie out of the corner but gets slammed down for two. Nikki finally comes in off the tag and shouts COME ON a lot. Everything breaks down and the Rack is good for the pin on Alicia at 4:17.

Rating: D-. Next.

Preview for a new USA show called Sirens.

Here’s Daniel Bryan with something to say but he has to wait for the crowd to calm down. He says the fans have a voice and he’s not leaving this ring until one of two things happen. The fans chant for Punk but Bryan says he isn’t leaving until Batista comes down to fight him or HHH accepts his challenge for Wrestlemania. Here are Stephanie and HHH to answer, drawing an even louder CM Punk chant. Thankfully HHH acts like a heel this time and soaks the whole thing in.

Bryan ignores Stephanie and lays out his evidence of HHH holding him back for the last six months. Daniel is stronger than ever and wants to settle the score at Wrestlemania. HHH says that’s not going to happen and asks why Daniel’s generation can’t accept it inadequacy. He dubs this the Excuses Era because no one in this era can just admit that they’re not good enough. They blame eveyrone else and make excuses about being held down and buried.

The reality is that anyone who has ever failed in WWE is because they weren’t good enough. Bryan is nothing more than a B+ player and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it’s not enough to make HHH lace up his boots at Wrestlemania. Bryan says the fans chant because they see through HHH’s lies and there go the people again. HHH claims to be doing this for the WWE Universe but he just isn’t listening to what they want.

They want to see someone like him succeed and the only way he can do that is by beating HHH at Wrestlemania. Stephanie says they won’t listen to this sea of inadequacy because they’ll turn on you at the drop of a hat. The only people that won’t turn on him are her and HHH because they know what he means for the business. Stephanie gives the whole “my family made all this” speech, so Bryan asks to fight her at Wrestlemania while HHH wears Stephanie’s skirt.

HHH thinks she would beat Bryan up too, but Bryan vs. HHH just isn’t happening. He goes into his most condescending voice and says Wrestlemania is the showcase of the immortals. As much as Bryan hates it, he just doesn’t measure up and needs to get out of HHH’s ring. Bryan says this is the fans’ ring but HHH says Bryan and all of the fans belong to him, so get out. Daniel says make him so Stephanie calls out Kane. The FLYING GOAT lays out Kane but the referees pull Daniel off of him.

We look back at Lesnar destroying Henry.

The expert panel recaps the night.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler comes in via a Shelby Mustang driven by Aaron Paul from Need For Speed. Paul is a shorter guy but has a ton of energy which is all you can ask for from these guys. He jumps in on commentary as the fans chant for Ziggler. Del Rio takes him down and does Ziggler’s hair flip pose as the announcers talk about video games.

The tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Del Rio but the low superkick misses. Ziggler gets two of his own with the running DDT but Del Rio slams him down again. Paul gets up on the announce table and the Zig Zag is good for the pin at 2:43. This is par for the course on the guest star segments anymore and that’s fine.

Paul Bearer is announced for the Hall of Fame. Nothing wrong with that.

Big E. vs. Jack Swagger

Cesaro runs in for the DQ at 4 seconds and Neutralizes Big E.

The Real Americans argue post match and Cesaro loads Jack up in the Swing but Colter calls him off. The fans chant for Cesaro to do it and he lets Swagger go. Colter says help your brother up and Cesaro does so, albeit roughly. Zeb makes them hug it out and they reluctantly obey.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane is made for tomorrow night’s live Main Event.

Here’s a limping Cena (after the Wyatts’ intro started by mistake) who can’t even do his signtuare entrance. The fans chant for Punk and Cena thanks him for the usual Chicago welcome. Cena can’t wrestle tonight, drawing a HUGE YES chant. He’ll take that as their version of get well soon. John is out here to feel that energy from the crowd because he’s had some great moments in this arena, such as getting his face kicked in by Brock Lesnar and having a very special match with somebody at Money in the Bank.

Cena says he’s heard about this whole hijacking thing and it’s clear that the people want change. He can respect that, but success has to be earned and change comes through him. That brings him to Bray Wyatt, who isn’t in the driver’s seat after last week. Cena started his career in this arena and he’s still standing tall right here.

The Wyatts appear on screen and Bray asks if Cena can feel these people. Cena reminds him of a great throughbred racehorse that has been winning his entire career, but then he starts to slow down. That horse is now in the back of the barn waiting to be put down. How long does Cena think he can fend the Wyatts off? Bray is the reaper and he is going to put Cena down because he knows Cena’s greatest fear. The loneliest man on earth is the man who sits on the top of his empty castle. Follow the buzzards.

Orton wishes Batista luck out there tonight.

Alexander Rusev speaks Bulgarian on the stage.

We look back at Hogan returning last week and see him on the Today Show. Hogan has a Wrestlemania announcement for next week.

Batista vs. Daniel Bryan

Orton comes out to watch. The bell rings at 11:02 so this probably doesn’t last long. Cole incorrectly says this is a first time ever match on Raw as these two fought once back in 2010. The fans immediately chant BOO-TISTA as he runs Bryan over with a shoulder. Daniel goes after the leg though and Batista is in trouble. A dropkick to the knee puts Batista down again and Bryan follows up with a half crab. Batista kicks him off and knocks his head off with a clothesline. The fans think Batista can’t wrestle as he throws Bryan to the floor….and we take another break.

Back with Bryan backflipping over Batista and hitting the running dropkicks in the corner. Batista rolls to the floor to avoid the third so it’s the FLYING GOAT. The YES Kicks get two but here comes the Authority for a distraction. The fans chant for Punk as Batista sends Bryan into the steps. Daniel is thrown into Randy Orton and Batista looked annoyed. Daniel is thrown back inside and gets an overrated chant plus a high kick from Daniel Bryan. Not that it matters as Orton comes in to attack Bryan for the DQ at 10:10.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here but they were just waiting for the screwy ending to close things out. I was thinking they would have Bryan get the pin here to change things up even more but this keeps the triple threat hopes looking solid. At the same time it keeps the Bryan vs. HHH hopes looking solid so I’m still not sure where they’re going. That’s still an awesome feeling.

Post match Orton loads up the RKO on Batista but gets shoved into the running knee. Bryan goes after the Authority but gets speared down by Batista. HHH gets in the ring and yells at Bryan but Daniel kicks him from the mat. A Batista Bomb lays out Bryan and HHH adds in a Pedigree, leaving the Authority standing tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was the WWE fighting back against the fans and showing the product is what really matters. The fans chanted all night and at the end of the day it came off as desperate pleas for attention instead of something witty or funny. The Punk chants just got annoying by about 9:30 and I don’t think anyone was paying attention to them.

The show itself was very solid with Wrestlemania being shored up and a title change that needed to happen finally taking place. Brock looks like a killer heading into Wrestlemania and there are still doors open for major matches on the card. WWE is at it’s full power here and it’s a very exciting time. Bryan and Punk are still wild cards and there’s the announcement next week that might be something interesting. Good show this week and things are really picking up.

Results

Usos b. New Age Outlaws – Superfly Splash to Gunn

Big E. b. Cesaro via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Wyatt Family b. Shield – Sister Abigail to Ambrose

Santino Marella/Emma b. Summer Rae/Fandango

Bella Twins b. Alicia Fox/Aksana – Rack to Fox

Dolph Ziggler b. Alberto Del Rio – Zig Zag

Big E. b. Jack Swagger via DQ when Cesaro interfered

Daniel Bryan b. Batista via DQ when Randy Orton interfered

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And it still worked.Shield seems to have split tonight with Rollins walking out on Ambrose and Reigns due to them not being on the apron for a tag.  THere’s more to come though as Rollins looked very conflicted about his decision.