Smackdown
Date: May 27, 2022
Location: Simmons Bank Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We’re almost up to Hell In A Cell and that means it might be time to actually add some things to the card. I’m not sure what the main event is supposed to be but maybe we get something else this week. If nothing else, New Day has a mystery partner to FINALLY wrap up their feud with the Brawling Brutes. I’m sure. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Usos taking out RKBro last week to unify the Tag Team Titles. Randy Orton was injured pretty badly last week to put him on the shelf for the time being.

Here are the Usos for a chat. After thanking Roman Reigns for making this possible, we hear about how the Usos recently celebrated twelve years in this company and they couldn’t have done it without the fans. The fans have cheered and booed them while seeing their up and definitely (Jey’s word) seeing their downs. After all their time together and all the plane rides and all the time away from their families, the fans were always there.

Jey always loves being here in front of these people and entertaining them, so from the bottom of their hearts, thank you. After all though though, Jimmy has learned that they need…..NO ONE! They have each other and now they have taken out RKBro, leaving Riddle crying like they had the little kids crying last week. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura with a challenge for a title match and he has a partner. This brings out Riddle and house is cleared, with the Usos being sent running.

We look at Ronda Rousey having some trouble beating Raquel Rodriguez a few weeks ago.

Riddle and Shinsuke Nakamura know they can work together, even without their regular partners.

Shotzi and most of the women’s division is in the locker room with Shotzi complaining about Rodriguez getting another match with Rousey. No one wants to listen to her until Natalya and Shayna Baszler seem intrigued.

Ronda Rousey vs. Raquel Rodriguez

Champions Contender match. Hold on though as we cut to the back where Natalya and Shayna Baszler come to the ring but Shotzi gets locked in the locker room thanks to Aliyah. I’m not sure how bright an idea it is to run a story about not being able to get through a locked door after someone else went through it this week, but we’ll go to the ring anyway. Rousey goes for the arm to start but gets powered up. The hurricanrana gets two on Rodriguez but Baszler and Natalya run in for the DQ at 42 seconds.

Natalya/Shayna Baszler vs. Ronda Rousey/Raquel Rodriguez

Joined in progress with Baszler working on Rodriguez’s knee. That’s broken up with a kick to the floor so Rousey comes in to clean house. Natalya takes her down in short order for the Sharpshooter but Rousey crawls over for the tag to escape (that’s a new one). Rodriguez gets taken down again but it’s right back to Rousey for the showdown with Baszler. Natalya breaks that up but the Tejada Bomb (Chingona) finishes Baszler at 3:24.

Rating: C-. And that’s how you use two women who will probably be headliners in the Women’s Tag Team Title tournament. Baszler and Natalya have never been portrayed as anything more than cranky losers and that was the case again here. Natalya even got Rousey in the Sharpshooter without much trouble but the match was over shortly thereafter. Another match that shows how unimportant the tag division is, in case that wasn’t clear enough.

New Day likes having the element of surprise because their partner tonight could be anyone from Max Moon to Reed Richards to the interviewer.

Los Lotharios vs. Jinder Mahal/Shanky

Hold on though as we cut to the back where Mahal can’t find Shanky. Mahal finds him in the locker room, dancing to their own theme music. They get to the ring and it’s Shanky big booting Humberto so Mahal can come in. Everything breaks down and Angel TAKES OFF HIS PANTS for the ring announcer Samantha Irvin (who looks terrified). The distraction lets Shanky kick Angel in the head but it’s Humberto hitting a springboard kick to the face to pin Mahal at 2:14.

Post match Mahal yells at Shanky and leaves so Shanky dances in front of Samantha, who seems a bit more enthusiastic.

Max Dupri comes in to see Adam Pearce and asks about his contract, which Pearce says is all legal. That works for Dupri, who can now find his first client.

Here is Kevin Owen for the KO Show, with his guest being a member of the Bloodline: SAMI ZAYN! After an exchange of pleasantries and a burial of whatever they were fighting about last time (Sami doesn’t remember either), Sami says he knows Ezekiel is Elias too. That has Owens crying on Zayn’s shoulder because someone finally believes him. Owens needs him to come to Raw and help him deal with Ezekiel but Zayn has his hands full. Zayn calls him Uce, but Owens isn’t sure he likes that.

Owens calls him a moron, so Zayn says that Ezekiel and Elias are CLEARLY different people. This turns into a LIAR/MORON exchange until Owens asks why the Bloodline left Zayn high and dry on Raw. Owens introduces the Bloodline twice but no one comes, because the Bloodline doesn’t care about him. Sami says Owens doesn’t know what he’s talking about and goes to leave but Owens stops him in the aisle, earning a shove into the barricade. Owens goes back into the ring and beats up the people taking down the set to blow off some steam.

Ricochet/Drew Gulak vs. Gunther/Ludvig Kaiser

Gunther wastes no time in shoving Gulak off the top for a crash as we take an early break. Back with Gulak getting over for the tag to Ricochet who hits a springboard crossbody on Kaiser. A fireman’s carry is broken up by a rake to the eyes though and it’s back to Gulak. That’s fine with Kaiser, who kicks him in the face for the pin at 6:24. Not enough shown to rate but it was just a step above a squash.

Post match Gunther kicks Ricochet in the face.

Sami Zayn asks the Usos where they were and thinks he isn’t being respected. What if he just joined with them? That’s cool with the Usos, who make him an honorary Uce. Zayn is very pleased, but I don’t know how much the Usos buy this.

Memorial Day video, three days before Memorial Day.

Brawling Brutes vs. New Day/???

Before the match, Sheamus brags about how it doesn’t matter who the mystery partner is because New Day Sucks, New Day Sucks, New Day Sucks. Cue New Day, who thinks the Brawling Brutes sound like off brand Wrestling Buddies. After more jokes (including McAfee having way too much fun with Sheamus saying it doesn’t matter if it’s Moby Dick), it’s Drew McIntyre and we’re ready to go.

The bell rings (nineteen minutes after the Brutes came to the ring) and it’s Butch going after Woods to start. Woods gets taken into the corner for the forearms to the chest from Sheamus, with Butch adding a bunch of his own. Woods fights up gets over to McIntyre for the tag, meaning Holland comes in for a change. Sheamus’ distraction lets Butch get in a cheap shot and we take a break.

Back with Sheamus hitting a top rope knee on Kofi for two in a big crash. Kofi manages to knock him down but the other Brutes pull Woods and McIntyre off the apron like good villains. The hot tag attempt works a bit better on the second attempt though as McIntyre comes in to clean house.

Butch jumps on McIntyre’s back but gets sent outside, leaving Woods to hit a running dropkick through the ropes. Sheamus hits Woods with something (off camera) so Kofi dives onto Sheamus for the knockdown. The Glasgow Kiss and the Claymore set up the Limit Breaker to give Woods the pin at 11:31.

Rating: C+. Perfectly good house show main event here as McIntyre was one of the most logical choices New Day had. Hopefully this wraps up a feud that has gone on for far too long now as WWE continues to not quite get how to put a bow on things. McIntyre continues to look like a monster and that is what he got to do here, as he does better than anyone on Smackdown at the moment.

Dancing, including McIntyre, ensues to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. While it wasn’t the worst show, this was a pretty dry effort as there was barely anything noteworthy. I don’t get much out of McIntyre being gone for two weeks on a promotional tour and coming back to beat up Ridge Holland or Owens vs. Zayn again but your mileage may vary. It’s another slow show on the way to their latest uninspired pay per view, which takes place in nine days and has four matches on the card, all from Raw. WWE might want to work on that, but they didn’t do anything about it here.

Results
Raquel Rodriguez b. Ronda Rousey via DQ when Natalya and Shayna Baszler interfered
Ronda Rousey/Raquel Rodriguez b. Natalya/Shayna Baszler – Tejada Bomb to Baszler
Los Lotharios b. Jinder Mahal/Shanky – Springboard kick to the face to Mahal
Gunther/Ludvig Kaiser b. Ricochet/Drew Gulak – Running kick to Gulak
New Day/Drew McIntyre b. Brawling Brutes – Limit Breaker to Holland

 

 

 

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Smackdown
Date: May 20, 2022
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

We are about two weeks away from Hell In A Cell and I think that means you know what you’re getting. The big story tonight is the Tag Team Title unification match between RKBro and the Usos, which will probably get quite a bit of hype. Other than that, we have a lot more to cover before the pay per view so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is the Bloodline to get things going, with Michael Cole saying that if the Usos unify the titles, it will establish the Bloodline as the greatest faction in WWE history. This has been the latest “NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS” moment. Roman Reigns tells the fans to acknowledge him and then has Paul Heyman tell the people why this night is so important.

Heyman talks about how the Bloodline is amazing, including Roman Reigns, who is better than Hogan, Austin, Sammartino and Cena. Tonight though, the Usos are unifying the Tag Team Titles and beating the best team on Raw to become the greatest tag team of all time (with all due respect to the Wild Samoans). And that is a SPOILER! Roman tells the Usos to deliver what he wants.

Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Feeling out process to start with Zayn getting the better of things and punching away in the corner. A clothesline lets Zayn choke away on the ropes but Nakamura knocks him off the top. Kinshasa misses though and Sami shoves him off the top and out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Nakamura fighting out of a chinlock and hitting a kick to the head. Zayn sends him outside though and it’s a Falcon Arrow onto the floor. Nakamura beats the count back in, pulls Zayn outside and posts him, but Zayn beats the count. Back in and Kinshasa finishes Zayn at 10:34.

Rating: C. It’s kind of a far cry from the Dallas masterpiece, but at least these two are getting on television with something to do. Nakamura is being built up again in the singles ranks after the Rick Boogs team was derailed so he very well could be set up for some kind of bigger role. Whatever that might actually be.

Video on the Usos.

It’s time for Happy Talk, with Happy Corbin standing next to the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal trophy. Corbin has never been happier and we see a clip of him using the trophy to Pillmanize Madcap Moss’ neck. Corbin talks about being sick of Moss and asks who is laughing now. Then Corbin smashes the trophy.

We look at Gunther chopping the heck out of Drew Gulak last week.

Gunther vs. Drew Gulak

We’re joined in progress with Gulak hitting his own chop, earning himself a kick to the face. A series of chops takes Gulak down and the powerbomb finishes at 1:04.

Post match Gunther puts on the Boston crab but Ricochet runs in for the save. Now this has me interested.

Max Dupri, the head of the hottest male modeling agency, introduces himself to Adam Pearce. Adam had no idea Dupri was coming, but apparently he was signed by Sonya Deville. This is awkward, but Pearce can’t quite pronounce Max Du-PRE! That would be LA Knight, because WWE needed to change THE NAME THAT THEY INVENTED LAST YEAR!

RKBro is ready to beat the Usos.

Shotzi and Aliyah argue about not being able to make it out to the ring to face Ronda Rousey last week. Raquel Rodriguez comes in so Shotzi yells at her, even calling Gonzalez an absurd Amazon.

Shotzi vs. Raquel Rodriguez

Rodriguez powers her into the corner to start and then does it again for a bonus. Shotzi tries a choke on Rodriguez’s back but gets thrown down again. A fall away slam sets up the twisting Vader Bomb and the Chingona Bomb gives Rodriguez the pin at 2:55. Mostly a squash.

Xavier Woods isn’t happy with Butch beating Kofi Kingston last week. Kofi is on New Day business this week, so Butch can come see him alone.

Sheamus tells Butch to go take care of Xavier Woods.

Butch vs. Xavier Woods

Butch and company (with the company not here tonight) are now dubbed the Brawling Brutes. They start fast with Woods sending him outside but bringing it back inside, where Butch takes him down by the arm. Woods is right back with the Honor Roll for two but Butch kicks him in the head. That’s broken up and Woods grabs Backwoods for the pin at 3:41.

Rating: C. I’m not sure what WWE’s deal is with Butch not being able to beat Woods, but this is the third time that Butch has lost to him via the same move in less than two months. In theory the feud is going to be wrapped up sooner than later, because both teams need to move way on. This is especially true of Butch and Woods, as I don’t know if I get the thinking here.

Post match the Brutes beat Woods down.

Video on RKBro.

Xavier Woods says this ends next week, because he has a partner to face the Brutes.

And now, the big story, as Michael Cole talks about Sasha Banks and Naomi “letting us all down”. Cole explains the walk out and now the titles are vacant, with a tournament coming soon. Banks and Naomi are suspended indefinitely. So yeah, you know those titles that were barely defendable because there were no teams? Well now it’s TOURNAMENT TIME! Also, WWE acting like changing the card at the last minute is the ultimate sin is pretty freaking funny. WWE would NEVER do something like that.

Oh look: the Tag Team Title unification match is next. Sure how WWE doesn’t advertise that and then turn it into a six man tag.

Raw Tag Team Titles/Smackdown Tag Team Titles: RKBro vs. Usos

Winner takes all and Paul Heyman is on commentary. Orton takes Jimmy down to start but Riddle gets taken down into a chinlock. This lets Cole say the Usos are trying to do what the Wild Samoans never did: unify the Tag Team Titles. That would be really impressive for the Samoans to do as THERE WAS ONLY ONE SET OF TITLES TO WIN BACK THEN! Riddle is whipped HARD into the buckle and we take a break.

Back with Riddle having suffered a bruised hip off that whip but he’s fine enough to keep going. A hard belly to back suplex cuts off the hot tag attempt but Riddle strikes his way over to the ropes for the tag. Orton comes in and starts cleaning house, with the RKO hitting Jimmy. Jey makes the save and pulls Jimmy over for the tag. Orton gets kicked into the corner for the tag back to Riddle, who suplexes various Usos. The super RKO is loaded up but Roman Reigns comes out to grab Riddle. Jey shoves him off the top and it’s a Superfly Splash for the pin and the titles at 11:35.

Rating: B-. RKBro is the only team that could hang with the Usos at this point but there was little reason to believe that the Usos weren’t going to have both sets of titles sooner or later. WWE doesn’t need to have two sets of titles so the Usos having the one remaining set is the right choice. Now just find some teams who could give them a run for their money, which is easier said than done.

Post match the big beatdown is on, with Riddle being choked out. The Superfly Splash through the announcers’ table crushes Riddle and we cut to a fan crying in a great visual. Reigns chokes Orton out too. The Bloodline poses with all six belts to end the show. Cool shot, but three people having six titles doesn’t make me impressed. It makes me think there are too many belts. Also, Riddle vs. Reigns at the pay per view should be good.

Overall Rating: C+. Not too bad of a show here with the Tag Team Title match being the biggest deal. I fully expect a rematch to take place at the pay per view but for now, the Usos having the titles is the way to go. Other than that, I want to see Gunther vs. Ricochet, which is someone stepping up to a bigger level. That’s not a bad show, with some other good things sprinkled in.

Then you have the Banks/Naomi reaction and…that is up there on the all time list of hypocritical WWE responses. Banks and Naomi did indeed walk out, but WWE acting like making some last minute change to an advertised match is this unpardonable offense had me laughing quite hard. It’s weird for WWE to actually do what they say they are going to do from one week to the next, but now it’s horrible for Banks and Naomi to do the same thing? That’s a very WWE reaction and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Results
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Sami Zayn – Kinshasa
Gunther b. Drew Gulak – Powerbomb
Raquel Rodriguez b. Shotzi – Chingona Bomb
Xavier Woods b. Butch – Backwoods
Usos b. RKBro – Superfly Splash to Riddle

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Smackdown
Date: May 6, 2022
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania Backlash and that means we need to hype up the six man tag which totally serves some kind of a purpose. I’m not quite sure what that purpose is but I’m sure it’s there. Other than that, it might be time to add one or two more matches to the card. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Ronda Rousey winning last week’s Beat The Clock challenge.

Charlotte vs. Aliyah

Before the match, Charlotte says Aliyah quit last week and now it is time for her to get rid of Ronda Rousey for good on Sunday. Charlotte wouldn’t be surprised if Rousey left WWE for good after she gives up. As for Aliyah, a single shot takes her down but here is Rousey for the save. The brawl is on with referees and agents (including Jamie Noble, who has McAfee VERY excited) eventually….not actually being able to keep them apart as Rousey charges at her again. They’re finally separated with no match of course.

Sasha Banks vs. Shayna Baszler

Naomi (injured) and Natalya are here too. Banks (in a hairband) starts fast and goes right after the arm but can’t hit the stomp. Baszler gets in a shot of her own though and hits the gutwrench suplex. The stomping is on in the corner to keep Banks in trouble and a side slam takes her down again as we go to a break.

Back with Banks fighting out of an armbar and sending Baszler outside for a ram into the announcers’ table. Back in and Banks gets two off the Meteora as Natalya is losing it on the floor. Banks tries a small package but Baszler reverses into one of her own and grabs the rope (with Natalya helping) for the pin at 8:15.

Rating: C. Remember when Baszler was awesome and looked destined to become the new monster of the women’s division? Well now she needs help winning a match via small package to set up what is probably going to be a loss in a Tag Team Title match. The match was fine enough, but it’s sad to see what has happened to Baszler.

Post match Natalya goes after Naomi as Baszler loads up the Future Endeavored Stomp (McAfee’s words) but Banks fights up and makes the save.

Video on the Bloodline vs. Drew McIntyre/RKBro.

The Usos want RKBro.

RKBro isn’t that impressed with the Usos and are coming for them on Sunday.

It’s time for Happy Talk and we get a recap of Happy Corbin vs. Madcap Moss. Corbin doesn’t think much of Moss, who pops up on screen and mocks Corbin for being a charity case, as he lets tattoo artists try out their bad ideas on him. Corbin tells him to come say this to his face so here is Moss to interrupt. Moss talks about the various versions we have seen of Corbin over the years, but we haven’t seen him ever be entertaining. Remember the Lone Wolf? Well wolves have hair, so maybe Corbin can be the BIG BALD WOLF! That’s enough to make Corbin….walk off without doing anything.

Video on Drew Gulak’s recent attempts at getting various jobs in WWE.

Drew Gulak vs. ???

Gulak is back in the ring against a mystery opponent and it’s…..Gunther. An early armbar has Gulak in trouble and a chop makes it worse. The big boot sets up another chop and there’s the chop in the corner. Gunther grabs the sleeper and it’s a powerbomb for the pin on Gulak at 1:59. Moving Gunther up to slightly better competition is a good move.

We look back at Rick Boogs getting injured at Wrestlemania, plus Roman Reigns taking out Shinsuke Nakamura. I thought I dreamed that.

Nakamura doesn’t like the Bloodline and promises to get a piece of Roman Reigns. Sami Zayn is watching from behind a truck.

Drew McIntyre is ready for Sunday but thinks Roman Reigns needs to get his head kicked off tonight.

Sheamus/Ridge Holland vs. New Day

Tables match. It’s a brawl to start, as you might have guessed, with Woods diving onto Holland on the floor. New Day grabs a table to hit Sheamus in the ribs but setting the table up takes too long. Holland is back up for the save but Woods breaks up a powerbomb through the table. That lets Kofi go onto the post for the HUGE dive off the top to send Sheamus through the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus and Holland both hitting their ten forearms to the chest. Kofi manages an SOS but gets dropped on the apron to cut him off. Woods strikes away at Holland back inside but has to knock Sheamus off the apron. Sheamus pulls Woods off the top to save Holland so Kofi takes Sheamus down with a hue dive. The announcers’ table is loaded up but Kofi has to slip out of an Alabama Slam attempt. With Sheamus on the table, Woods goes up but Butch comes out from under the ring for the save. Woods is put through the table for the win at 12:31.

Rating: C. The best thing here is that I was wondering if they would use the WHERE IS BUTCH thing as a way to release him so this could be worse. The table stuff here felt like such a tacked on stipulation as this feud keeps going for reasons I don’t quite understand. Sheamus and Holland have destroyed New Day over and over but the feud keeps going for some reason.

Post match Butch has to be pulled off of Woods.

Paul Heyman thinks Kayla Braxton is flirting with him and wants to be taken out for pizza in New York. Sami Zayn comes up and asks Braxton to leave so he can talk to Heyman (Heyman: “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM!”). Sami talks about how Shinsuke Nakamura hasn’t forgotten anything and as a locker room leader, felt Roman Reigns should know. Heyman agrees to tell Reigns, but this might not be trustworthy.

Post break, Zayn asks Adam Pearce for a match with Nakamura next week. Pearce says they can just do it now instead.

It’s time for Chapter 5 of the Lacey Evans Story, as she talks about her father and some family members overdosing before she became a wrestler. Then she decided that she needed to do something with her life. She had her first match in front of her daughter and now she wants to know who can stop her. Soon, she is going to be the Smackdown Women’s Champion.

In the arena, the announcer tells us that Lacey Evans is about to come out here, but wants the proper respect with some applause. Cue Lacey, who celebrates with some fans and then leaves. End of segment.

Video on Raquel Rodriguez.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Sami Zayn

Feeling out process to start until Zayn knocks him into the ropes. A running kick to the chest cuts that off and Nakamura adds a standing version to stagger him. The Kinshasa is countered into a Michinoku Driver to give Zayn two and we take a break. Back with Sami hammering on Nakamura for two and yelling at the official over the count.

Nakamura gets two of his own off a running knee and the cross armbreaker goes on. Zayn is able to stack him up for two so Nakamura hits a kick to the head. They head outside where Zayn tries to run again but Nakamura isn’t letting that happen. Instead Zayn hits a quick Helluva Kick to beats the count back in at 9:12.

Rating: C. This wasn’t quite their Takeover: Dallas classic. I’m not entirely sure why they brought Nakamura back here just to have him lose, though it is nice to FINALLY follow up on that angle from a few weeks ago that went nowhere. Sure it’s a different direction, but I’ll take it over absolutely nothing.

Here are Drew McIntyre and RKBro (who might be combined to become, I kid you not, RK McBro) for a chat. Before they call out the Bloodline, Riddle asks what the other two acknowledge. This includes McIntyre and Orton’s history against each other, and that Orton has muscular legs. Orton says he acknowledges that the sky is blue and the grass is green, with McIntyre saying it’s a joint decision. They call out the Bloodline and get what they want, with the brawl being on. The Bloodline is cleared out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. They do want us to watch the pay per view right? As in that was the point of this show. I’m not sure how that is what they were going for here, as this didn’t make me want to watch a six man tag and it certainly didn’t make me want to see Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey again. Maybe it’s because Wrestlemania Backlash feels like one of the most unimportant pay per views in a very long time, but I have no desire to watch the show and this didn’t do it any favors.

Results
Shayna Baszler b. Sasha Banks – Small package
Gunther b. Drew Gulak – Powerbomb
Sheamus/Ridge Holland b. New Day – Woods was put through a table
Sami Zayn b. Shinsuke Nakamura via countout

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Smackdown
Date: April 8, 2022
Location: Fiserv Forum, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

It’s the first Smackdown after Wrestlemania and maybe something can go a bit better than this week’s Raw. If nothing else, there is always the chance to see who might show up from NXT or elsewhere and that can make for some exciting times. If nothing else, the fans have now had a chance to rest a bit and aren’t likely to get burned out an hour into the show. Let’s get to it.

Here are Wrestlemania Night One and Night Two if you need a recap.

We open with the long recap of Wrestlemania.

Kayla Braxton brings out Ronda Rousey for a chat. We look at Charlotte tapping out at Wrestlemania but winning anyway thanks to a downed referee. Rousey says that her mom taught her that things won’t always work out, but she had Charlotte beaten. Now Rousey wants a rematch, but with no way out. Instead, she wants it in an I Quit match. Charlotte pops up on screen to laugh and say Charlie Sheen’s WINNING. She thinks the Baddest Woman On The Planet deal is a myth so the match….isn’t on. Rousey says the match is taking place and Charlotte is going to scream. That is the logical next step for the feud.

We recap New Day losing to Ridge Holland and Sheamus at Wrestlemania in a minute and forty seconds (on an eight hour, two night event).

Sheamus and Holland tells Butch to take Xavier Woods apart like a chew toy.

Butch vs. Xavier Woods

Ridge Holland, Sheamus and Kofi Kingston are here too. Before the match, Kofi mocks the trio in the ring and says that since Wrestlemania is over, all records reset, so their feud is even again. Woods says that he hit the weights this morning and then called Butch’s mom, who wants him to give her rabies infused nephew.

Woods charges in and gets pounded down but comes back with some chops. Butch starts going after the arm and they head outside, where Woods gets X Plexed onto the apron. We take a break and come back with Woods fighting off the mat and hammering away on the apron. Butch cuts him off with a forearm but Woods grabs a small package for the pin at 8:35.

Rating: C-. So he debuts as a new gimmick, then becomes something of a feral man child, then he loses his debut. Are we sure that moving up to the main roster is a good thing at this point? This is the latest time that WWE has what should be a can’t miss prospect and not only do they manage to start badly, but then they run in the other direction with the thing. Well done, as always.

We recap Sami Zayn vs. Johnny Knoxville N Pals at Wrestlemania.

Sami Zayn goes on a rant to Adam Pearce about being treated like a loser after his match with Knoxville. He has even been sent cheese because of the mousetrap. Zayn wants a match with the next person to walk out of the men’s locker room, so here’s Drew McIntyre. Sami: “Ok the NEXT person to walk out of that locker room!” Pearce makes the match with McIntyre for tonight. Zayn needs some time to think about this and leaves. A stagehand comes in to hand Pearce a note, with Pearce saying to tell the sender that he can’t meet with her right now.

Ludvig Kaiser (Marcel Barthel) introduces the debuting Gunther.

Gunther vs. Joe Alonzo

Gunther chops him into the corner and then stands on his throat. The big boot sets up the chops and the powerbomb finishes for Gunther at 2:03. That’s a good way to debut a new monster.

Raquel Rodriguez (Gonzalez, also from NXT) says you haven’t seen anyone like her. Los Lotharios come up to hit on her but she says not a chance. Kayla Braxton agrees that the two of them are always annoying. There was no reason to keep her in NXT any longer so the move makes sense.

It’s time for Happy Talk with Happy Corbin and Madcap Poss but Corbin isn’t happy. The fact that some of the balloons are messed up and they appear to say CO RATS makes it even worse. Corbin had an honest conversation with himself on his yacht this week and he has come to a realization: it’s all Moss’ fault.

Moss is really sorry but Corbin doesn’t want to hear about Moss’ feelings. Somehow Moss made Wrestlemania Weekend all about himself with the battle royal win. Corbin thinks Moss has forgotten his place, which is tell him a joke. Moss asks what you call him when he costs Corbin a match? Madcap LOSS! Corbin: “That’s terrible. Tell me another one.” The second one bombs too, which doesn’t have Moss looking very happy.

Corbin gives him one more chance to tell a joke like Moss’ job depends on it. Moss asks what you call a guy who treats his friend like garbage and dressed like he’s going to a funeral for Tommy Bahama? You call him Happy Corbin! That’s enough to start the fight, with Moss getting the better of things and knocking Corbin to the floor. Moss even stomps on the hat!

Jinder Mahal rants to Adam Pearce about wanting a title shot when Ronda Rousey comes in to ask about her I Quit match. She’ll get an answer by tomorrow.

Sami Zayn vs. Drew McIntyre

Sami stalls a lot to start but Drew finally grabs him for a ram into the barricade. Back in and McIntyre sends him flying with a suplex, followed by some drops onto the announcers’ table. Zayn teases walking out but gets taken down from behind. The Claymore is loaded up but Sami runs outside again and takes the countout at 3:32.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure what to say about something like this, but Sami continuing to be a weasel is still entertaining. The good thing also here is it gave McIntyre a night off, as he was just doing his big moves and standing around while Sami bumped a bit. Odds are we’ll see this again next week and that could be interesting too.

We look back at Pat McAfee/Austin Theory/Vince McMahon/Steve Austin at Wrestlemania.

We get the first chapter of the Lacey Evans Story, talking about how her dad was abusive and ran her mom and her off. Then they lived in campgrounds all their life and worked to get here. She’s a mom, a sister and a United States Marine. It doesn’t make her better than anyone, but they’re not better than her either.

Sasha Banks vs. Liv Morgan

Naomi is on commentary but Morgan explains that she’s on her own. Morgan grabs a rollup for a fast two and then kicks Banks face first into the corner. A middle rope missile dropkick sets up a missed Oblivion, allowing Banks to kick her to the floor. We take a break and come back with Sasha hitting a top rope splash for two but the Codebreaker is blocked.

They go into the pinfall reversal sequence until Banks knees her in the face. Liv is right back with the Codebreaker for the double knockdown. Banks catches her with a knee on top and hits a superplex but throws her legs up so Morgan can grab the small package for the pin at 7:08.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for the ending, as Banks hit the superplex, laid there for a second, and then threw her legs up so Morgan could get the pin. That looked as scripted as you could get and it drives me nuts to see them make it look that bad. Throw in CHALLENGER PINS TAG CHAMPION TO SET UP THE TITLE MATCH and it’s even worse.

We look at Roman Reigns unifying the World Titles at Wrestlemania.

Here is the Bloodline for a chat. Reigns talks about winning the WWE Title from Raw and that doesn’t leave him much to do. There is a lot for the Bloodline to do though, which is why he wants the Usos to go to Raw and bring him the Raw Tag Team Titles so they can be unified too. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura to interrupt but Reigns puts his hand on the microphone. Reigns gets that Nakamura needs something after losing his partner so he’ll show some Bloodline love. That means a hug to Nakamura….and a double superkick from the Usos to end the show. Nakamura vs. Reigns for Backlash works.

Overall Rating: C+. Much like Raw, this show had stuff going on, but it didn’t feel like anything that needed to be seen. This one is a bit higher though, as they announced/at least implied some things going forward. Unifying the Tag Team Titles is a LONG overdue idea and Nakamura vs. Reigns should work out just fine. I like some of the callups too (Gonzalez/Gunther work well) and there is a bit more interest around here. Throw in this being an hour shorter and it was a lot more fun than Raw. Not exactly a classic, but I’m intrigued enough.

Results
Xavier Woods b. Butch – Small package
Gunther b. Joe Alonzo – Powerbomb
Drew McIntyre b. Sami Zayn via countout
Liv Morgan b. Sasha Banks – Small package

 

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Smackdown
Date: April 1, 2022
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania and that could mean a few things. On one hand, it means we could be in for the last big push before the biggest show of the year, which means an exciting night. On the other hand, it could be WWE putting in as little effort as possible as they have more important things on their minds. Knowing WWE, I’ll go with the latter almost every time. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Commentary welcomes us to the show and gives us a video package on Andre the Giant to hype up his namesake battle royal.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Tommaso Ciampa, Cedric Alexander, Ivar, Erik, Madcap Moss, Drew Gulak, Shelton Benjamin, Mansoor, Shanky, Jinder Mahal, R-Truth, Akira Tozawa, Reggie, Apollo Crews, Commander Azeez, T-Bar, Damian Priest, Dolph Ziggler, Robert Roode, Finn Balor

This field is lame even by this match’s standards. Only Ziggler, Roode and Balor get entrances. It’s a brawl to start with Tozawa being eliminated, followed by Reggie, who makes the dumb choice of flipping around on the apron. There goes R-Truth, followed by Mahal, the latter of whom goes out at the hands of the Vikings. Benjamin knees T-Bar out and it’s time to start brawling near the ropes. Moss knocks Gulak out as I continue not remembering that Gulak works here.

Cue Happy Corbin to praise Moss but almost low bridges him out by mistake when Balor reverses a whip into the ropes. Ciampa sends Moss to the floor but this time Corbin makes the save. Corbin leaves so it’s time to settle down again. Crews knocks out Alexander and Azeez gets rid of Benjamin. Mansoor’s slingshot neckbreaker is blocked and Ciampa knees him out. The Vikings eliminate Crews but get tossed by Shanky and Azeez, leaving them with the giant showdown.

They fight near the ropes and both get tossed out, leaving us with Priest, Balor, Roode, Moss, Ciampa and Ziggler. Balor and Priest remember that they had a feud for a bit and slug it out until Balor tosses him out. Roode puts Ciampa on the apron and Ziggler hits the superkick for the elimination to get us down to four. That leaves Balor to clean house but he can’t get rid of Roode. Ziggler goes to help Roode but Moss tosses Ziggler and Roode. Balor charges at Moss and gets sent out to give Moss the win at 7:11.

Rating: C-. This was every lame battle royal you’ve seen and that is what the Andre battle royal seems to be. It’s everyone without stuff going on at Wrestlemania being added in to a match on TV, which doesn’t make it feel special. Instead, this feels like a match that WWE has to do and picks a random person to win. Moss is part of a bad angle with Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre, but it isn’t like the match has any history or importance for the most part.

Post match Moss celebrates his win but asks what you should call a battle royal with the smartest Texans. A CATTLE royal!

Intercontinental Title: Ricochet vs. Humberto vs. Angel

Ricochet is defending because this is what the title has become these days. Angel and Humberto share an entrance and their chyron says Los Lotharios, which is a bit of a weird way to set up a triple threat. Ricochet gets knocked into the corner to start, with Angel biting his finger. The obvious double teaming begins and Ricochet gets caught with a running knee to the face. Ricochet fights up and manages a double hurricanrana, because that’s something people can do. Angel catches him on top with a super armdrag though and we take a break.

Back with Ricochet having to fight off the numbers game again, which allows the double teaming to take him down. Humberto nails a spinwheel kick for two, which doesn’t sit well with Angel. The Wing Clipper is loaded up but Humberto rolls Angel up for another near fall as greed enters the equation.

Ricochet uses the distraction to crossbody them down, setting up a rolling dropkick to Angel. The standing shooting star press gets two on Humberto with Angel making the save. Humberto gets backdropped to the floor and an enziguri drops Angel. Ricochet drops Humberto onto Angel, setting up the 630. That’s not enough so Ricochet goes straight to Humberto with the Recoil for the pin to retain at 11:15.

Rating: C+. The action was ok, but the fact that it was a relief to see Ricochet beat a tag team to retain the Intercontinental Title tells you everything you need to know. Ricochet at least comes off as a winner to save the slightest bit of face, but he needs a lot more to make up some of the last few weeks. Now he can move on to a singles challenger, but him sitting on the sidelines might be best for both himself and the title at the moment, as WWE doesn’t seem to know any better.

Long video on Kevin Owens vs. Steve Austin. Owens wanted a way to Wrestlemania so he challenged Austin to come on the KO Show. One day Owens remembered that he hated Texas and started insulting it so he wants the embodiment of Texas to show up. Austin responded from what looked to be some road out in the wilderness, which sends us into the Austin highlight reel set to Bawitaba by Kid Rock because 90s.

Naomi/Sasha Banks vs. Queen Zelina/Carmella

Non-title with Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley and Natalya/Shayna Baszler at ringside. Carmella kicks Banks to the floor to start, allowing her to get in some dancing. Zelina hits some running knees in the corner and Carmella is back in for a chinlock. That’s broken up and Banks gets in a shot to the face, allowing her to get over to Naomi for the tag. With Carmella dispatched, a Vader Bomb hits Zelina and Naomi adds the split legged moonsault for the pin at 3:26.

Rating: C-. This was about as filler of a match as you can get as they were thrown out there to set up a match that isn’t going to have much interest no matter what they do. The Women’s Tag Team Titles continue to be absolutely nothing and I can’t even get annoyed at the champs losing two days before their Wrestlemania title defense. Nothing match with nothing teams getting ready for a nothing match. Why is this a surprise these days?

Ronda Rousey was training earlier today (appeared to be with Shayna Baszler) and insisted that she was controlling her anger. She’ll be seeing her baby before the show, where she’ll rip off Charlotte’s arm.

Video on Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey, looking at their respective in-ring/cage careers. Both dominated their sports and now it is a clash of the two titans, which would have been a bit better had they not already had a Wrestlemania match. It is also presented as a battle of holds, with the armbar/ankle lock vs. the Figure Eight. In other words, this sounds better in theory than it has been in reality.

Here is Charlotte for a chat. She praises the video and says it was more dramatic than Coda. She is going to destroy Rousey and, after mocking the WHAT chants by suggesting they are saying WOO, Charlotte declares herself cool. Every woman wants to be like her and every man just wants her. Having people want her autograph and pictures is cool, just like leaving Wrestlemania as the Smackdown Women’s Champion.

Video on Roman reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. I believe they’re fighting soon or something.

Rick Boogs plays Shinsuke Nakamura to the ring so Pat McAfee gets on the announcers’ table….but Austin Theory trips him up. McAfee gives chase to the back, where Theory runs into Vince McMahon’s office. That slows McAfee down but he kicks the door open, with Vince coming out and threatening to fire him. McAfee seems worried and goes back to commentary.

Rick Boogs vs. Jimmy Uso

Shinsuke Nakamura and Jey Uso are here too and McAfee is back on commentary. Boogs curls Uso to start before throwing him down. Jimmy is right back up with a whip to send Boogs into the post to cut him down but Boogs manages to gorilla press Jimmy….from his knees. Boogs stands up and drops him into a fall away slam, because that’s something a person can do. Cue Theory to grab a cup of ice from a fan and throw it at McAfee, who manages to keep his cool. Cue Finn Balor to go after Theory so all six get in the ring for the double DQ at 3:08.

Rating: D+. That gorilla press alone was worth seeing but that’s all they had in such a short match. Normally I would have an issue with WWE doing so many things in one match, but this is a bit of a weird situation. Balor vs. Theory is a feud that has been going on in recent weeks, though Balor isn’t even on Wrestlemania. I’m not sure why they are building feuds for beyond Wrestlemania, but we seem to be ready for a six man tag here to keep it going even further.

Usos/Austin Theory vs. Finn Balor/Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs

Joined in progress with Nakamura getting two on Jey. The running knee to the ribs in the corner gets one but a quick shot allows Jey to get over to Theory. Nakamura knees Theory in the ribs as McAfee is VERY pleased with the fans not liking Theory. Boogs comes in and grabs the rotating back and forth gutwrench suplex for two.

It’s off to Balor, who gets sent outside for a cheap shot from Jey to put him down. The villains glare down at McAfee and we take a break. Back with Jimmy missing a splash in the corner but Jey knocks Boogs off the apron to cut off a tag attempt. Balor hits the basement dropkick to rock Jimmy though and it’s a double diving tag to Nakamura and Theory. Nakamura gets to clean house, including a kick to Theory’s head and the sliding German suplex.

Everything breaks down and Boogs is sent hard into the steps. Balor comes in to clothesline Theory to the floor, setting up the big running flip dive. The Sling Blade connects back inside and it’s the shotgun dropkick to knock him down again. A distraction lets Theory break up the Coup de Grace though and the ATL finishes Balor at 11:29.

Rating: C. I knew this was coming and I still cringed at the pinfall. For the life of me I don’t get why WWE feels the need to do this, but if Theory isn’t US Champion by the end of the next pay per view (at the VERY latest), this is another entry on the long list of stupid things WWE has done. The US Champion shouldn’t be losing most of the time, but this is what, three or so falls he has taken to set up a match he isn’t even in? It’s another case of WWE feeling like they are trying to make things worse for someone they seem interested in pushing. Only WWE, thank goodness.

Post match McAfee gets on the apron to stare Theory down but he manages to keep his composure.

Here are Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss for Happy Talk, complete with a table to hold Angela the sword. Moss brags about winning the Andre the Giant battle royal earlier, but Corbin says he was supposed to do that. Corbin is euphoric and thinks that could be his new name. We look at how he got the sword and Corbin brags about everything he has done at Wrestlemania over the years.

The sword is more of an insurance policy and he could decapitate someone with the thing. How depressing is it to name the sword after McIntyre’s dead mother? Corbin: “What does Drew McIntyre’s sword and his mother have in common? He lost them both.” Cue McIntyre, who knocks Moss out with one shot on the way to the ring. McIntyre grabs a chair and throws it at Corbin’s head (that was smart), causing the sword to fall down. The set is cleared out and McIntyre cuts the table in half.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Back in the ring, McIntyre stable the mat a few times to make fire and pyro go off to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Oh they didn’t care. It was clear that this was designed to be a way to have a show before Wrestlemania and nothing more. None of the matches were good and a lot of this was about hyping things up. This has been the case for a pretty long time now and that reputation is why I was at other shows on Friday night and the only part I saw that night was at a restaurant between other events. It wasn’t that the show was bad, but rather that it was unimportant and WWE didn’t care. That’s as bad of a feeling that you can have and it was on in full display this week.

Results
Madcap Moss won the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal last eliminating Finn Balor
Ricochet b. Angel and Humberto – Recoil to Humberto
Naomi/Sasha Banks b. Carmella/Queen Zelina – Split legged moonsault to Zelina
Rick Boogs vs. Jimmy Uso went to a double DQ when Jey Uso and Shinsuke Nakamura interfered
Austin Theory/Usos b. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs/Finn Balor – ATL to Balor

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Wrestlemania XXXVIII Night One
Date: April 2, 2022
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 77,899
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee
America the Beautiful: Brantley Gilbert

We have arrived at the biggest weekend in wrestling and this time it is back in the full capacity stadium. Again, this year’s show is split in two and again it feels like there is a good one night in between the two shows. That was the case last year though and the first night went well so maybe history can repeat itself. Let’s get to it.

Note that I was in attendance for this show, sitting in the third level off the floor in the end zone corner with the stage on my right.

Brantley Gilbert sings America the Beautiful.

Mark Wahlberg stars in the opening video and talks about how these people have a chance for a Texas sized helping of greatness. That is easier said than done though, as it is not easy to reach that level. Everyone has a chance though, so go catch greatness on the Wrestlemania stage. Nothing exactly profound here but having a star do the video is nice.

A lot of fireworks go off.

Here are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders for an unannounced dance routine. I’m a Cowboys fan and I get the idea here, but does this add anything other than Texas flavor? It isn’t like anyone comes out or gets hyped up here.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Rick Boogs/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Usos

The Usos are defending here but first, Pat McAfee has to lose his freaking mind dancing to Boogs’ guitar intro. You could see him on the announcers’ table from the seats and my goodness his voice makes it all the more over the top/better. We get a quick recap of Boogs faking an injury to help win a #1 contenders match so there is a bit of a backstory here. The Big Match Intros make this all the sweeter in something you don’t often see outside of the main event.

Nakamura starts fast by kicking Jimmy down and it’s already Good Vibrations in the corner. The running knee to the ribs gets two on Jimmy but Jey gets in a cheap shot to take over. A shot from the apron keeps Nakamura down and an enziguri gives Jimmy two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, only to have Nakamura fight up and hit the spinning kick to the head. The double tag brings in Boogs and Jey, with Boogs grabbing him in a bearhug.

That doesn’t last long as Boogs switches to the kneeling vertical suplex for two. A double Samoan drop….goes very badly for Boogs, as his knee buckles under the weight (apparently legitimately, putting him on the shelf for a LONG time). That leaves Nakamura to get the tag and dive onto both champs before striking away at Jey inside. The sliding German suplex looks to set up Kinshasa but Jey hits a superkick. Jimmy adds the Superfly Splash for two and it’s another superkick into the 1D to retain the titles at 6:55.

Rating: C. It’s kind of hard to grade something like this as the injury changed everything. The last two minutes or so were a handicap match and there is a strong chance that they had to come up with something on the fly, so we’ll go with right in the middle to play it safe. The match wasn’t great, but what are you expecting given the circumstances?

Video on Johnny Knoxville vs. Sami Zayn in an anything goes match tomorrow.

We recap Happy Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre. Corbin lost everything in one of the most entertaining stories in a long time, but then gambled his way back to financial security. Then he and Madcap Moss injured McIntyre, setting up a FAR too long feud to get us here. For some reason, Corbin and Moss stole McIntyre’s sword, named after his mother. Corbin: “What do McIntyre’s mother and sword have in common? Drew lost both of them.” Of course you know this means war, which started with McIntyre getting the sword back on Smackdown.

Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin

Madcap Moss is here with Corbin, who is billed as UNDEFEATED, because we now keep track of wins and losses since a name change. McIntyre is wearing some dark gray trunks here for a change of pace. Corbin starts fast but gets clotheslined over the top for his efforts. A posting cuts McIntyre off and Smackdown rol….wrong show, never mind.

Back in and a whip into the corner gives Corbin two as McAfee recaps the Corbin saga. A belly to back suplex drops McIntyre for one but Moss gets on the apron for an inadvertent distraction, allowing McIntyre to grab a spinebuster. The overhead belly to belly into the neckbreaker lets McIntyre nip up as things get a bit more intense.

Corbin is right back with a quick Deep Six for two more but McIntyre knocks him down again. The threat of the Claymore sends Corbin outside so McIntyre hits the big flip dive to the floor (that’s not normal for his size). Back in and Corbin hits End of Days out of nowhere for two, with Cole trying to make that a lot bigger than it really is. The Futureshock gives McIntyre two but the Claymore gives him the pin at 8:42.

Rating: C. This could have been on any given of Smackdown and absolutely should have, as this feud was barely good enough for one pay per view match, let alone a months long feud. McIntyre should be ready to move back to the World Title scene and he needed to run these two over to do so. Maybe this leads to the team splitting, but I don’t know what Moss can do with this gimmick going forward.

Post match McIntyre loads up Angela and swings at Moss, hitting the ropes instead. The ropes are sliced in two, but I wonder why it caused an explosion. The Gordian Knot wasn’t that in your face.

We recap the Mysterios vs. Miz/Logan Paul. Miz has been feuding with the two of them and got Paul to help him out, because that’s the best Miz can do. Then Rey had his mask stolen, setting up a feud over respect that feels like it was chosen at random for Paul’s involvement.

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio vs. Miz/Logan Paul

The bottom rope is out of sync with the others after the replacements were put in. Paul has a Pokemon card in a lanyard around his neck, which I’m assuming is something expensive. Miz takes Rey into the corner to start so Paul comes in pretty early. Some leapfrogs let Paul start well but he drops into the splits, allowing Rey to kick him in the head. That’s enough for Paul so it’s off to Dominik vs. Miz, with the former hitting a Lionsault for two. A dive to the floor takes Miz out but Paul gets in a cheap shot from behind to put Dominik down.

Back in and a pretty nice running powerslam gets two on Dominik, setting up some alternating YES Kicks. Dominik fights out of a chinlock and gets two off a backslide. That’s not enough for a tag though as Paul comes back in with a Blockbuster for two more. Dominik finally manages a tornado DDT to drop Miz and there’s the hot tag to bring in Rey. The big kick to the face gets two on Miz but Paul comes back in to load up a double superplex.

Dominik makes the save so Rey rolls Miz up for two, followed by another spinning DDT for two more. Rey hits some Amigos but gets sent into the post, allowing Paul to hit Three Amigos of his own to some serious booing as that is too far. To make it worse, Paul goes up, does something close to the Eddie dance, and hits the frog splash for a very near fall. Dominik is back in and it’s a double 619 to set up back to back frog splashes but Miz makes the save. The Skull Crushing Finale finishes Rey at 11:16.

Rating: C. The match was ok enough and Paul had clearly put in the effort to make this work out. He did very well with the limited spots he did and the athleticism is there. I’m not sure how well he would work long term, but there have been some far worse celebrity appearances at Wrestlemania (or anywhere for that matter).

Post match Miz and Paul pose…and Miz lays him out with a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz laughs at him and blows a kiss, making me wonder why I’d want to see Miz vs. Paul and what the green thing on Miz’s forehead is.

Video on Edge vs. AJ Styles as we get more and more filler.

Here is Stephanie McMahon to talk about what Wrestlemania means to her. She brings out Gable Steveson and….that’s the segment.

We recap Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair for the Raw Women’s Title. Belair won the Smackdown Women’s Title last year but then Lynch returned from a year plus away to win the title (completely fairly) at Summerslam. Lynch has since gone full villain and Belair wants the title back. They have traded throat injuries and Belair cut off a bunch of Lynch’s hair to make this even more personal.

Raw Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is defending and gets a special intro (similar to the WWE TV intro as we look at moments from her career)….but Belair one ups her with the Texas Southern University marching band playing her to the ring. They both have special gear, with Lynch coming out in a kind of skirt/jacket combination and Belair in black and red with her top made to look like her lips logo. They both look like they’re on the big stage and it’s an awesome addition.

They both take the time to soak it in a bit but Lynch would rather punch than shake hands. The very early Manhandle Slam gets two and Lynch can’t believe the Summerslam plan didn’t work. Belair goes to the ropes to avoid the Disarm-Her so some covers give Lynch two. They trade rollups for two each and Lynch reverses a suplex into a DDT for two more. Belair tries….something but can’t get Lynch onto her shoulders so she switches to a rollup instead.

They head outside with Lynch slipping off the shoulders to send Belair into the steps to take over. Some Bexploders connect back inside and we hit the chinlock to slow things down a bit. With that broken up, Lynch switches to a cross armbreaker but Belair powers up and dumps her outside for the double crash. Back in and Belair drives some shoulders into the ribs in the corner, setting up a gutbuster for two. The handspring moonsault gets two more but Lynch catches her on top.

Belair gets creative with a Chicago Skyline of all things and a middle rope 450 gets another near fall. Lynch is back up with a Molly Go Round, with her feet hitting Belair in the face (OUCH) for two of her own. Belair is back with a spinebuster and a cradle but the kickout sends her into the corner.

The KOD is broken up but Belair KOD’s her to the floor. That doesn’t work for Belair so she tries to come back inside, only to have Lynch hit the Manhandle Slam onto the steps. Belair dives back in at nine and then kicks out at two, sending Lynch even further into hysteria. Another Bexploder is loaded up but Belair gets to the middle rope, moonsaults over Lynch, and hits the KOD for the pin and the title at 19:09.

Rating: B+. The action was good to great, but what mattered here was the feeling. This felt like the rise of a new champion, with Belair surviving what Lynch threw at her and then winning in the end, showing that she was the better woman when things were even. It came off like the Wrestlemania showdown with the special entrances and gear and I had a great time with the whole deal. Best thing on the show by a mile so far.

Post match Lynch falls out to the floor and collapses as Belair celebrates, giving us a great visual of the fallen former champion and the new queen.

Video on Sasha Banks to fill in more time.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. a mystery opponent. Rollins kept missing opportunities to get to Wrestlemania, which apparently is more important than what you actually do on the show. Finally the solution was “ask Vince McMahon”, who gave him a match against an opponent of Vince’s choosing, making about a month of stupid stories all the more pointless.

Seth Rollins vs. ???

Rollins comes out with a weirdly dressed choir singing his music for a rather Rollins style entrance. We get the big wait until……it’s Cody Rhodes, which was expected but MY GOODNESS the reaction. Rhodes rises up through the stage and comes to the ring as this is where they got me. Your feelings on Cody aside, that wait where I wanted to see who was coming out was the Wrestlemania Moment and it was outstanding.

They stare each other down for a bit and the energy is all back, even with some CODY chants. Feeling out process to start with Rollins grabbing a headlock and shouldering him down. Cody is fine enough to hit the drop down uppercut but neither can hit a finisher. A suplex over the top sends them both crashing to the floor (that’s always a scary one) and Cody pulls him into the post. Back in and Cody grabs the armbar, setting up a short armscissors.

That’s broken up so Rollins hits an enziguri and dropkicks Cody out of the air. There’s a gutbuster to stay on the ribs (Rollins: “Welcome back to the big leagues b****.”) Rollins grabs a bearhug, which looks as out of place as you might expect it to. Cody breaks that up like it’s a bearhug from a guy who isn’t known for his strength and hits the powerslam. With Rollins down on the floor, Cody hits a suicide dive but the Disaster Kick off the steps is countered into a powerbomb into the barricade.

Back in and the Falcon Arrow gives Rollins two but the Stomp is countered into Cross Rhodes for two (because a returning star’s finisher should always only get a near fall). Cody goes up but gets caught in a reverse superplex into D-Von’s lifting reverse DDT for two of his own. The Phoenix Splash misses so they both tease Pedigrees before Rhodes hits a tiger bomb for two.

The Cody Cutter gets the same as the fans are WAY into this. Rollins’ Pedigree gets its own near fall and some Kawada Kicks set up the forearm to the back of the head. Cody isn’t having that so he hits back to back Cross Rhodes…for no cover. Instead it’s the Bionic Elbow into a fourth Cross Rhodes for the pin at 21:34.

Rating: B+. Yeah this was WAY better here than it was watching it live as they had a more modern style match of trading big moves. Cody winning was the only way to go, if nothing else for the sake of not scaring off other AEW stars who might want to come over. I’m not sure what Cody’s ceiling is in WWE, but they absolutely stuck the landing with his return. Great match, after an even better reveal.

Cody gets to soak in some well deserved cheers and kisses the mat because he’s back.

We look at last night’s Hall of Fame ceremony, which featured a cool idea of walking through the wrestlers on the way to the ring. The wrestlers looking scared at the idea of Scott Steiner on a live mic is great, but not as great as Shad Gaspard’s wife telling her son how great Shad was. Vince McMahon introducing Undertaker as Mark Calaway is….just wrong to hear.

Here is the class in person:

Steiner Brothers (they were up there with Demolition for most overdue tag team)
Shad Gaspard (that was a hard one to sit through)
Queen Sharmell (harmless enough)
Vader (how was he not in before)
Undertaker (I’ve seen that Wrestlemania entrance a few times and it will never be anything less than awe inspiring, even with Undertaker in a suit and looking emotional as he thanks the fans)

Video on Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory. The fact that I went to the restroom after it started and it was still going when I got back says this went on too long.

Rick Boogs has wrecked his knee and had to be carried out of the stadium. Apparently he has torn his quadricep patella and will need surgery.

The attendance is 77,899. Assuming reports were correct, that means they sold about 20,000 tickets in three days. I’m sure.

Long video on Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte for the Smackdown Women’s Title. The video compares their successes in their main sports before showing the two of them being ready to clash here.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey

Rousey is challenging and strikes her way out of the corner to put Charlotte in the ropes. A cheap shot has Rousey in trouble but she grabs a rollup for two. That means it’s time for Rousey to adjust her shorts before she sends Charlotte into the corner. Charlotte lands on the apron so Rousey knees her in the face and chokes a bit. The ankle lock goes on with Charlotte still on the apron so she pulls Rousey outside for the break. A posting gives Charlotte two and we hit the front facelock.

Charlotte hits a forearm/clothesline (the replay looked nasty) for two more and the neck crank goes on. That’s broken up so Rousey hits a knee for two of her own, followed by…something mistimed out of the corner. Rousey’s middle rope bulldog gets two but Charlotte is back with a spear for the same. A belly to back suplex gives us a double knockdown but it’s Charlotte up first. The double moonsault kind of connects for two so Charlotte ties her in the Tree of Woe.

That means a Boston crab in the ropes of all things but Rousey escapes and judo throws her down. Piper’s Pit can’t connect so they trade some shots to the face for another breather. Another Piper’s Pit is countered but Rousey grabs the ankle lock. That’s reversed into one from Charlotte, who gets rolled into the corner for the escape. The armbar is countered into a powerbomb for two on Rousey but she’s right back with the ankle lock, complete with the grapevine.

Charlotte escapes that as well and we hit the Figure Eight, which is turned over for the escape before they both roll into the ropes. They go outside so Charlotte can hit a fall away slam into the barricade and it’s time for a slugout back inside. Piper’s Pit gives Rousey three but the referee waves it off because of the foot on the ropes. Natural Selection gives Charlotte a very close two but her spear hits the referee. The armbar goes on and Charlotte taps to no referee. Naturally the referee pops up as Rousey yells at him, allowing Charlotte to hit a big boot for the pin at 18:32.

Rating: B-. That was longer than it needed to be and are you surprised that Charlotte was the one to get the first singles win over Rousey? I’m not sure what this means for Rousey but I could go for seeing her turn heel. The smiling stuff just feels fake so let her bring back the Death Stare and be the Rousey that got her here in the first place. The match was a good, back and forth fight but there were some botches in there and Charlotte getting this latest honor made me roll my eyes pretty hard.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

We run down Night Two.

Video on Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns.

Wrestlemania XXXIX will be in Los Angeles on April 1 and 2, 2023. This is the new normal isn’t it?

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Steve Austin, which isn’t a match but that’s more or less what we’re seeing here. Owens spent weeks insulting Texas before realizing he needed a path to Wrestlemania. Therefore he invited Austin onto the KO Show, with Austin accepting and promising a fight.

Here is Kevin Owens for the KO Show and yeah the fans don’t seem too happy with him. Owens wastes no time in insulting Texas again, saying that if America was a person, Texas would be the a**. However, he does apologize…for speaking the honest truth about Texas. Owens knows the fans are wanting him to bring Austin out there but it’s going to be on his time. Austin is the worst role model and Owens knows this because he used to look up to him. When Austin comes out here, Owens is going to insult him and if Austin doesn’t like it, it’ll be a Stunner and beer poured over him.

Cue Glass Shatter and WOW that is a reaction. Austin is as over as free beer in a frat house and takes some extra time to soak all of this in, as he should. Hold on though as Austin goes to the back and brings out his ATV to ride to the ring, as he tends to do. The set is promptly destroyed, leaving the two of them and two chairs. Owens says cut the music, leaving Austin to fix his knee brace. This is Owens’ show, so take a seat.

Austin doesn’t like Owens talking trash about Texas, but Owens asks what is so great about this place. Owens rants on Texas clothes and says if he lived here, he would have moved to Mexico (Owens: “It’s right there.”). Austin: “In five seconds, you’re going to have 70,000 people calling you an a******.” That’s fine with Owens, who says he lied to get Austin here. Instead, he doesn’t want to talk, but because he is looking for a fight. Really, Owens is here to challenge Austin to a match. Yeah it has been 19 years and Austin’s knees, back and neck were shot back then and must be even worse here.

Owens is challenging him to a No Holds Barred match right now, which has Austin thinking about it. Austin’s facials here are outstanding as you can see him thinking about going to that place one more time. Owens says either get ready or get on the golf cart and ride out again. Austin says his first match was here in Dallas, and now his last match might be too. He leaves it to the fans and says bring him a referee out here, because this is actually happening.

Steve Austin vs. Kevin Owens

No Holds Barred and my goodness I can’t believe I’m seeing this. They talk trash and the slugout is on, with Austin naturally getting the better of things. A bunch of stomps in the corner have something mudhole related going on and Austin does it again for good measure. They head outside where Austin has a beer, followed by a clothesline and a drop onto the barricade. Owens is back with a posting though and he beats on Austin with a tripod.

It’s table time (that feels so wrong in an Austin match….because Austin is actually having a match) but Owens is sent through it instead. They fight into the crowd, where Owens actually hits a suplex onto the concrete (egads). Back to ringside and Austin is able to slam him off the barricade and onto (not through) the announcers’ table. More beer is consumed and Austin hammers away on the table, followed by more beer.

Owens manages a neck snap across the top but makes the mistake of going over to Austin’s ATV. Austin isn’t having that and jumps him before driving the ATV (with Owens on it) up the ramp. A pair of suplexes on the stage (one per side) have Owens in trouble and Austin throws him back down the ramp. Back in and Austin has some more beer but Owens grabs a Stunner for two. Owens gets a chair but the swing hits the rope and bounces back onto his own head, setting up the real Stunner to give Austin the pin at 13:52.

Rating: B. This is a weird situation as Austin could have come out there and juggled kittens to the biggest reaction of the night. What made this work was the fact that Austin wound up looking good, all things considered. He didn’t have the same explosiveness but that is to be expected after so long away. This was an actual match, albeit a garbage one, but it let Austin have one more moment and that is not something that is easy to pull off whatsoever. Above all else, this was a special moment and I still can’t believe it actually happened.

Post match Austin drinks even more beer and gives Owens another Stunner, leaving Owens to be taken out by some cops. Austin throws a beer to a guy in the crowd, who fumbles it for a funny moment. Austin is glad to be back in Texas…and for some reason Byron Saxton gets in the ring to celebrate with him. Corey Graves is downright giddy, knowing that Saxton is about to get Stunned, which is of course what happens (that was funny). Austin’s brother gets in the ring for a beer with him and Austin celebrates some more to end the show.

After the show was over, Austin celebrated some more and took some laps on his ATV before finally leaving.

Overall Rating: B+. This show took its time getting started but then got on a roll in a hurry by the second half. The last four matches are all good to great and they nailed the three important moments, with Cody’s return, Belair’s win (the whole match really) and then Austin to cap it all off. As usual, WWE knows how to make things work when they’re trying and that was the case here, though the first half was just ok. That being said, this was a pretty solid smash and night two has its work cut out.

Results
Usos b. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs – 1D to Nakamura
Drew McIntyre b. Happy Corbin – Claymore
Miz/Logan Paul b. Mysterios – Skull Crushing Finale to Rey
Bianca Belair b. Becky Lynch – KOD
Cody Rhodes b. Seth Rollins – Cross Rhodes
Charlotte b. Ronda Rousey – Big boot
Steve Austin b. Kevin Owens – Stunner

 

 

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In the words of new WWE Hall of Famer Vader, it’s time. It is time for Wrestlemania XXXVIII and that means the card has finally (and I do mean finally) been set. We now know what to expect on each night and the card is…well it certainly exists. There are some interesting matches on both nights, though I’m not sure what to expect from the show. That can make it fun though so let’s get to it.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos(c) vs. Rick Boogs/Shinsuke Nakamura

Since the New Day is busy, the Usos actually need someone else to fight for once. That opens the door for Boogs and Nakamura, who at least seem like a team. How can you not be ready for a title match after doing Toyota commercials together? This should be good enough as Nakamura knows how to work well with anyone and Boogs is basically an ox with a guitar.

I’ll go with new champions here, on the grounds of “well, someone has to beat the Usos.” They feel like they have held the titles forever, so let the new team get the belts off of them and have a big guitar celebrity. It isn’t like there is anything else for them to do, so go with what makes sense and change the titles already. I’d call it overdue, but we passed that point months ago. New champs crowned.

New Day vs. Sheamus/Ridge Holland

Speaking of the New Day, we might as well get rid of them here. This is a feud that had already started before Holland accidentally broke Big E.’s neck, but since WWE has some decency, they haven’t used that as a major story point in the feud. I’m not sure what to expect from their match, but there is a story here, even if WWE isn’t actually using it (as they probably shouldn’t).

In theory there is no reason for New Day to lose here so I’ll take them, even if WWE logic would seem to go otherwise. WWE likes having weird results like New Day losing here, even if it makes no sense. Hopefully WWE is going to figure this out (work with me here) and give us the New Day win that it should be, as Holland has already taken out their best friend. Is another loss necessary?

Seth Rollins vs. ???

Now I know what you’re thinking (ok I don’t but work with me here): it’s Cody Rhodes. I know that’s the working theory and it’s probably accurate, but what if it is some other surprise? Like say….Undertaker, who teased wrestling one more time and was inducted into the Hall of Fame this weekend by Vince McMahon. Would it be that big of a shock to see him again?

Yeah probably so we’ll say Rhodes is the opponent and….he wins. I’m not sure what the idea of the whole thing will be, as Rhodes winning means he beat a loser who couldn’t get on the show, but Rollins winning means Rhodes is almost dead in the water upon return. I’ll go with Rhodes winning as it has a bigger upside, but it has been such a strange story for so long now that it’s hard to tell.

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio vs. Miz/Logan Paul

This match feels like it was thrown together for no apparent reason other than to get Paul on the show. Does anyone care about his issues with the Mysterios? It hasn’t been a terrible story, but my goodness does it feel forced. Paul has a following, but is that following going to buy WrestleMania to see him fight a wrestler they have probably never heard of?

This should be a win for the Mysterios as Miz and/or Paul finally get what is coming to them. I say should because I could also see Miz winning to gloat some more, though it would make more sense to go with the family win. While the two of them need to split up at some point, they need to win to make that matter, so we’ll go with the Mysterios winning here to get rid of Paul (again).

Happy Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre

Let’s get this one out of the way too. I have no idea why this is the match we are getting from McIntyre at WrestleMania, as he has been beating up Corbin and Madcap Moss for months. There is almost no chance of Corbin winning here and even WWE does not seem crazy enough to try something like that. I can only hope that something better is coming for McIntyre, but you really can’t tell.

Of course I’ll go with McIntyre to win here, as there is zero reason for him not to. Sometimes the best way to go with the most logical and that is the case here, as there is no reason to not see what you have with McIntyre back in the main event scene. That means taking out Corbin in short order, which is all that this needs to be. Don’t make it any more complicated than that.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch(c) vs. Bianca Belair

I’m scared. This is a match that should be all about Belair getting her win and the title back. That is what they seemed to be teasing….but then Monday Night Raw came along. That was the night when Belair cut part of Lynch’s hair off, which makes me think that Lynch could keep the belt. It would be weird to see Lynch humiliated and beaten in the span of a week, but that might be where we are heading.

For the sake of my sanity, I’ll say Belair gets the title back here, as it is far past the point where Lynch needs to put someone over for the belt. Belair is already popular and successful, so let her get her second WrestleMania title win in two years and be done with Lynch. Either that or make it a hair vs. title match next month, even if that might not be the best idea in the world.

SmackDown Women’s Title: Charlotte(c) vs. Ronda Rousey

Much like the previous Women’s Title match, it is time. Charlotte hasn’t done much as champion and it would be nice to see her get far, far away from the title picture for a long time. She already has lapped the field when it comes to title wins and it wouldn’t make sense to have her keep it any longer. Certainly not if WWE wants Rousey to be a big star down the line.

I’ll go with Rousey winning here, as WWE doesn’t have much of a choice. Despite Rousey not having anywhere near the same spark that she had in her first run, it is time for her to get the title back so we can see where things take her. Maybe that means a showdown with Lynch for the title, but at some point she has to win and Charlotte has to lose, which is where we are here.

Overall Thoughts

While the show might not look great, there are parts of it that feel awesome. That would include the Women’s Title matches, the Rollins mystery opponent, and of course Steve Austin’s return, which should be a major highlight. Sure it might just be Austin brawling for a bit, but you never know what kind of insanity you might see from the thing. What matters is that it is Wrestlemania, which should be a very fun night. Please be a very fun night.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 82,265
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

We’re back to this show after a year away and I’m not sure what to think about this one. I wasn’t in the stadium for this one and for once that is making me remember the show a little bit better. This whole thing is centered around a few matches, as Wrestlemania always tends to be. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese

Murphy is defending and this is during Nese’s (who won a tournament to get here) not so great face run. First good thing: there are a bunch of people in their seats already so the place doesn’t look ridiculous. Murphy misses a running knee at the bell so Nese hammers away in the corner and tells the fans that this is his Wrestlemania moment. A cartwheel off the apron lets Nese hit him in the jaw but Murphy grabs a fireman’s carry drop onto the corner (Colt Cabana’s Chicago Skyline) as we take a break.

Back with Murphy holding a chinlock but getting suplexed into the corner to cut things off. Some running elbows to the face rock Murphy and the Lionsault, with Murphy hanging in the ropes, gets two. Nese catches him on the ropes with a palm strike, only to get pulled into a Cheeky Nandos kick. A powerbomb into a spinning faceplant gives Murphy two as we get the “still filing in line” from commentary. Murphy’s Law is countered and Nese hits a reverse hurricanrana to put them both down again.

Murphy wins a strike off but Nese is right back with a sunset driver for his own near fall as the fans are finally getting into this. The running Nese doesn’t get to launch so Nese hits the Fosbury Flop instead. Back in and the 450 gets two in a surprising near fall. The jumping knee connects out of nowhere and Murphy’s Law gets two as Nese gets a foot on the rope. Ever the villain, Murphy tries his own running Nese, which is cut off by a superkick. The real running Nese finishes Murphy at 10:44.

Rating: C. The 205 Live guys had several matches that would blow this one away but at least they had a nice moment in the end with the fans getting into things. Nese as a face didn’t exactly click but beating Murphy felt like a bit deal. It’s a nice mini feel good moment to start what is going to be a long night.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Zelina Vega, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Liv Morgan, Sarah Logan, Ruby Riott, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Maria Kanellis, Asuka, Sonya Deville, Candice LeRae, Naomi, Nikki Cross, Lana, Dana Brooke, Mickie James

Only Naomi and Asuka get entrances. Nikki goes nuts to start and it’s a big brawl, as a battle royal should be. Maria is out in a hurry and Asuka knocks out Candice and Nikki back to back. Ember and Naomi trade hurricanranas until the former hits a quick springboard Eclipse on Lana. Another Eclipse gets rid of Naomi and there’s the real version to Mandy. Ember goes up again but Lana (the one in the designated Captain Marvel attire) shoves her out.

Sane hits an Alabama Slam on Lana and goes up like a schnook, only to get shoved to the apron by Logan. Even the bigger schnook, Logan doesn’t eliminate her but rather joins the rest of the Riott Squad to go after Lana. The elimination doesn’t take long but Sane drops Logan. The Insane Elbow connects, only t have the Squad get together and eliminate Sane without much trouble. An assisted flipping Stunner rocks Vega but AGAIN Logan doesn’t get the elimination.

Instead the Squad goes after Asuka and again they don’t eliminate her. Brooke gets to fight off all three of them and manages a slow motion Thesz press on Morgan. Riott goes after Brooke and gets tossed, with Morgan following her out. Brooke’s handspring elbow hits Vega’s knees though and the running knees in the corner make it worse. Rose and Deville get rid of Vega and Brooke, meaning we can get a big hug.

We’re down to Rose, Deville, Asuka, James, Logan and Carmella, the latter of whom seems to be on the floor because that’s something you have to have in battle royals these days. James hurricanranas Rose to the apron and superkicks her out, only to get dropped by Deville. Asuka beats up Logan and Deville at once but she manages to toss Deville. Logan gets rid of Asuka but, say it with me, Carmella is still in and superkicks Logan out for the win at 10:33.

Rating: D. Holy sweet goodness I can’t stand that finish and yet we seem to get it in every few battle royals (including last year’s women’s battle royal). I know Carmella getting the win is for the sake of the New York fans but egads this feels like a waste of a match, which tends to be the case with so many of these pre-show battle royals. In other words: more of the same stuff that wasn’t good in the first place.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

Revival is defending and picked the match because they thought it would be an easy win. See, Hawkins hasn’t won a match in two and a half years so of course he gets a Wrestlemania title shot (you have to keep the New York crowd happy you see). Dawson shoves Hawkins down to start and then pats him on the cheek in the corner. We get a recap of the Edgeheads as Dawson headlocks Hawkins down.

Ryder comes in as we hear about how the show in “the shadow of New York”, which is acknowledged as New Jersey, likely for one of the only times tonight. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Wilder down but Dawson low bridges him out to the floor. Something close to a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two and the armbar goes on. Dawson comes back in and rips at the face before working on his own armbar.

That’s enough of that so Wilder grabs another armbar (he’s up 2-1 on Dawson) to keep Ryder down. Ryder fights up again but neckbreakers his way out of a double suplex. With Hawkins being distracted, the champs cheat to set up a hard clothesline for two more. The assisted legdrop gives Wilder two and we hit the chinlock as this keeps going. Ryder finally suplexes his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Hawkins.

House is cleaned until it’s a double clothesline to put Hawkins and Dawson down at the same time. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson but Ryder and Wilder crash out to the floor. Wilder saves Dawson at two and tornado DDTs Ryder on the floor. A brainbuster drops Hawkins outside as well and they’re all down for a bit. Back in and Hawkins is dead but manages a small package for the pin and the titles at 13:20. Hawkins slowly realizing that not only is the match over but that they won is kind of awesome.

Rating: D+. This went on too long but the ending was fine after setting everything up for so long with the losing streak. Hawkins and Ryder are a likable team so it’s not like them winning the titles is a bad idea. Besides, WWE has already taken away anything that the Revival could offer (and yet it would still get worse) so the loss doesn’t do a ton of damage to them anyway.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Otis, Karl Anderson, Andrade, Gran Metalik, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Colin Jost Jeff Hardy, No Way Jose, Lince Dorado, Bobby Roode, Konnor, Tyler Breeze, Viktor, Luke Harper, Ali, Apollo Crews, Michael Che, Titus O’Neil, Tucker, Braun Strowman, Shelton Benjamin, Jinder Mahal, Matt Hardy, Curtis Axel, Rhyno, Luke Gallows, EC3, Kalisto

So the big deal here is Jost and Che are from Saturday Night Live and Strowman doesn’t like them. The two of them bail to the floor and hide under the ring as Axel is out in about ten seconds. Dorado takes a SCARY bump to the floor with Breeze, EC3 and Benjamin following him out. There goes Dallas as well but it’s time for a staredown with Strowman and Harper.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Titus gets rid of Slater. As expected, Titus is out a few seconds later off a missed charge and Ali gets rid of Jose. Ascension sends Strowman shoulder first into the post for a crash to the floor (through the ropes so no elimination). Anderson isn’t so lucky as he gets tossed and the Hardys do the same to Rhyno. Roode and Metalik are out next as the ring is starting to empty a bit.

Andrade tosses Kalisto onto Metalik but Gable rolls Andrade with German suplexes. Since it’s Gable though, Andrade throws him out in a hurry, leaving Otis to hit a double Caterpillar on the Ascension. They’re both out as well but Strowman is back in to get rid of Gallows, Tucker and Otis in a row. There goes Mahal as Harper tries to suplex Ali over the top. With Ali hanging upside down, Strowman kicks Harper out, nearly dropping Ali on his head in a very near miss.

We’re down to Strowman, Andrade, Matt, Jeff and Crews in the ring with Che and Jost still underneath the ring. Andrade and Crews go to the apron and Andrade tries a hurricanrana for no intelligent reason in a double elimination. Strowman puts the Hardys on the apron in the battle of North Carolina as Che and Jost get back inside. They can’t get rid of Strowman, who dumps the Hardys and is ready for the destruction.

Jost grabs a mic though and says this doesn’t need to end in violence. He presents his personal therapist, whose breathing exercises earn him a chokeslam. Che tries to eliminate himself but Strowman punches himself out instead. Strowman misses a charge and almost gets eliminated but powers through it and tosses Jost for the win at 10:27.

Rating: D+. Yeah it’s stupid and the SNL guys added nothing to the whole thing but Strowman won in the end and there were some nice spots (granted they went with some scary ones) throughout. It isn’t anything better or worse than your usual “get them all in there” battle royal and it could have been worse. That’s high praise for something like this anymore.

And with that Smackdown length Kickoff Show out of the way, we can get on with the real show. Isn’t modern WWE great?

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful and we get the big helicopter flyover.

The opening video, complete with a WWE Presents, features the wrestlers talking about how Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage. Tonight, this is their stage and they are the players. We get the classic moments of course because this show is built around history. They do a good job of starting this slowly and then building it up into a big feeling. As usual, WWE’s promo videos are nothing short of incredible and somehow they manage to get better a lot of the time. That being said, wrestlers calling themselves storytellers doesn’t sound right.

Maybe it’s how many times I’ve heard the song on highlight packages since then, but that Love Runs Out theme song is really catchy.

Here’s Alexa Bliss, the host for the evening, to open things up. Bliss talks about how this show needs a goddess and if she snaps her fingers, she can make a Wrestlemania moment. A snap of her fingers produces Hulk Hogan, who is happy to be back here in the Silverdome. That gets a chuckle so then he calls it the MetLife Center in a joke that doesn’t go over as well. Hogan and Bliss pose together in a cute moment.

Hold on though as Paul Heyman storms out and says we’re doing the Universal Title match RIGHT NOW. The faster Lesnar wins, the faster he can go to Las Vegas where he is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is defending after winning the Royal Rumble and gets a big BEAST SLAYER intro. At least BURN IT DOWN gets a big reaction so they’re doing something right. Lesnar jumps him before the bell and knees Rollins off the apron. An F5 plants Rollins on the floor and a hard whip into the barricade makes it even worse. Rollins gets tossed over the announcers’ table as the beating is on in a big way. That’s not enough for Lesnar so he throws Rollins over another table before throwing Rollins inside.

Heyman and Lesnar talk the angry trash but it’s back to the floor before the opening bell. Cole: “Seth Rollins never had a chance!” And there’s your usual WWE line that gives away the ending. Brock throws Rollins over the announcers’ table for a third time and then through the cover of the announcers’ table. They go back in for the opening bell and there’s the first German suplex. Lesnar: “SUPLEX CITY B******!” Give him his t-shirt money.

The second suplex sends him flying again as Cole brings up the Wrestlemania XXXI cash-in. The F5 is countered though and Rollins gets in a low blow. That means a low superkick and three straight Stomps make Rollins champion at 2:30. It was an exciting start and the whole thing from Lesnar’s first attack ran about 7:00. They had to get the title onto Rollins here (though more importantly off of Lesnar) and this was certainly a memorable way to do it. Certainly more so than when they did it again in a longer form four and a half months later.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

This is your “here are two big names without much else to do” match. Orton eliminated him from the Elimination Chamber and they got in an argument about who built Smackdown. Orton’s big CGI snakes really don’t look great but those things are hit and miss for everyone. AJ headlocks him to start and is promptly driven into the corner. A very early threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the corner and it’s another standoff.

Orton pokes him in the eye and hits a dropkick to take over, including a boot across the eye to make it even worse. AJ gets in his own dropkick though as they’re pretty even in the early minutes. With Orton taking a breather on the floor, AJ scores with the slingshot forearm, only to get knocked off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and the chinlock goes on as the fans start chanting something I can’t understand.

That’s broken up so AJ hits the sliding forearm, setting up the fireman’s carry backbreaker for two. An early Styles Clash attempt is countered into a powerslam to give Orton his own near fall as the slow pace continues. The Calf Crusher attempt is countered without much trouble but the second attempt is slapped on in the middle of the ring. Not that the fans are exactly interested but AJ did get it on. That’s broken up in a hurry so AJ heads to the apron for the Phenomenal Forearm.

Orton jumps up to RKO him out of the air (as he had done last week) but AJ holds back, leaving Orton to crash. The springboard 450 gets two but Orton is right back with the backbreaker. Orton’s rather good looking top rope superplex has AJ crashing down for two and an uppercut gets a crazy loud pop (that had to be for something else). The hanging DDT gets no reaction but Orton walking around does, as I’m almost scared to imagine what had the fans’ attention.

AJ hits an enziguri to block the RKO, only to walk into it on the second attempt. That’s only good for two as well and Orton is shocked. With nothing else working, Orton loads up a super RKO, which is escaped without a lot of effort. A Pele sends Orton to the floor and the Phenomenal Forearm knock him even sillier. Back in and Orton still can’t hit the RKO, meaning it’s another Phenomenal Forearm to give AJ the pin at 16:12.

Rating: C-. Things got a bit better by the end but it never got going at any intense level. These two are capable of a lot but it was rather slow paced for the most part and when the match is going that long, it can get pretty tiresome in a hurry. It’s not bad in any sense but it wasn’t exciting and you know these two could do a lot better. That makes it more frustrating than anything else, as I kept waiting for them to get going and they never really did.

Here’s Lacey Evans to continue doing her thing of walking around, smiling, and then walking back.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Rusev/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Bar vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black

The Usos are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. There is something so awesome about seeing the look on Ricochet’s face as he walks onto the stage. You can see what it means to him and there is no faking that kind of a feeling. This also marks Ricochet and Black’s third shot at different titles this week, after Raw and NXT title shots earlier in the week. Jimmy and Black start things off with a feeling out process until Sheamus tags himself in to face Black.

The armbar doesn’t last long as Rusev tags Sheamus and runs Black over. Nakamura comes in for a kick to the back but the rapid fire tags continue, with Jimmy coming in to Samoa drop Black. Nakamura kicks Jimmy into a tag to Ricochet, who does a very spinny headscissors on Cesaro. Since it’s just a headscissors though, Cesaro uppercuts Ricochet down and starts swinging him, as Sheamus forearms everyone else.

After a nearly 40 second swing (geez), the Sharpshooter goes on in the middle of the ring. Black makes the save and strikes away, setting up a springboard moonsault for two on Rusev. Nakamura is back in with some running knees to Black, meaning Ricochet has to make a save of his own. That earns him a swinging Rock Bottom from Rusev and it’s time for the nine man Tower of Doom. Just to show off, Ricochet flips out and lands safely in the corner, setting up the 630 for two on Sheamus. We hit the parade of kicks to the face with the Usos superkicking Sheamus down. The Double Us retains the titles at 10:05.

Rating: B. This was almost all action from bell to bell and that’s all you can do with a match like this one. Let them do whatever they want and get in spot after spot for a little while. They didn’t overstay their welcome either, as this match got in the right amount of time. Good stuff here and one of the more entertaining things all night so far.

Hall of Fame recap. Thankfully Bret being attacked isn’t mentioned whatsoever.

Here’s the class being presented in the stadium:

Honky Tonk Man (How was he not in yet?)

Harlem Heat (Perfectly fine.)

Torrie Wilson (The new low benchmark.)

Brutus Beefcake (Again, how was he not in yet?)

Hart Foundation (Should have been earlier so Neidhart could be there but long overdue as well.)

Sue Aitchison (Warrior Award.)

D-Generation X (I’m sure they had to twist their arms to get here. Deserved of course.)

We recap Miz vs. Shane McMahon. Somehow Shane won the World Cup despite not being in the tournament and Miz, the man he replaced in the finals, was jealous. Miz’s dad thought they should team together so they won the Tag Team Titles. The reign didn’t last long though and they split up, with Shane turning on Miz. Tonight, it’s Falls Count Anywhere. This was in the middle of Shane’s RIDICULOUS run near the top of Smackdown where he was all over the show and beating main eventers, including that Tag Team Title win. Of course he gets a big Wrestlemania match, because that’s what makes sense for such a star.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere, but hang on as Shane needs to hear his introduction three times in a row. With that out of the way, Shane bails to the floor at the bell so the chase is on, with Shane hitting his horrible punches. In a smart move, Shane grabs Miz’s dad (in the front row) and again, the chase goes badly for Miz as Shane hammers away. They head outside again with Shane loading up the announcers’ table.

A monitor shot to the head puts Miz on the table but Miz’s dad blocks the big elbow. Shane gets down so Miz’s dad gets inside for the showdown, with Miz’s dad doing the pose that launched a subplot on the upcoming season of Miz and Mrs. Shane takes him into the corner and stomps away, drawing Miz back in for the beating. They fight to to the floor with Shane falling over the barricade but hold on as Miz wants someone to check on his dad.

With the medics doing their job, Miz dives over the barricade to take Shane down again. They fight over towards one of the big pillars that holds up the canopy over the ring but Shane fights out of the Skull Crushing Finale. Instead Shane grabs a DDT for two but Miz kicks him down off the stage. Shane is sent knee first into a barricade and Miz beats on him with a chair to blow off some more steam.

They wreck announcers’ row with Miz throwing him over every chair he can find, plus throwing some chairs around. Shane gets sent through a table for two, followed by a monitor shot to knock him over a barricade and onto the top of a well placed golf cart. That gives Miz a delayed two so he punches Shane up towards a production tower. A Skull Crushing Finale onto the platform gets two, because he’s Shane and Miz is just a former World Champion.

Shane fights back (of course) and climbs up to the top of the tower. Miz pursues so Shane begs off, even dropping to one knee. That earns him some left hands to the head and Miz superplexes him all the way down (after asking if Shane is ready) onto a crash pad. Worry not though as Shane lands on top for the pin at 15:25.

Rating: D-. I knew the ending was coming here and I still shake my head at the ending. Shane is the boss’ son but my goodness how hard can you push him? The worst part is that it is only going to get worse as the summer goes on, but this was a punch to the gut as Shane wins AGAIN, meaning he isn’t going away anytime soon. The superplex was a nice idea but showing the landing on the pad (which just happened to be there) took away all of the impact that it had. That is, whatever was left before Shane won of course.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: IIconics vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Nia Jax/Tamina vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley

Banks and Bayley are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Bret Hart is here with Beth and Natalya (who really feel like fill ins for Trish Stratus/Lita), though he doesn’t go beyond the stage. Tamina shoves Bayley down to start and superkicks Natalya for a bonus. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Nia being sent outside for a ram into the steps. Back in and Peyton rolls Sasha up for two and it’s a double kick to put drop Sasha again.

The Hardys’ Spin Cycle gets two on Banks but she’s right back with a backslide for the same. It’s back to Bayley for a sliding clothesline for two on Beth but Billie tags herself in. The IIconics take over on Beth, who is right back with a suplex to both of them at once. Natalya comes in for two but Bayley makes a fast save. The champs get in a fight with Beth and Natalya and it’s a Bank Statement to Phoenix. That’s broken up but the Glam Slam is countered into a rollup into the corner.

Natalya drops Sasha onto Bayley and they get the always fairly dumb looking double Sharpshooter treatment. This time it’s Tamina making the save and Nia comes back in to wreck everyone else. The IIconics get crushed with stereo Samoan drops but Beth shoves Nia off the top to break up a splash. Sasha takes Beth down as well and Bayley drops the top rope elbow, followed by Banks’ frog splash. The Tower of Doom is broken up so Beth hits a super Glam Slam on Bayley, with Kay making a blind tag. With Beth sent outside, Kay steals the pin and the titles at 10:47.

Rating: D. This went on too long and wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. The titles were brand new at this point and they already seemed pretty worthless, which would be proven over the next year. The fallout here is more interesting than the match itself, as you Nia would go away for about a year with double ACL surgery and Sasha (allegedly) threw a fit over losing and took the summer off.

The pilots from the Kickoff Show flyover are in the crowd. That’s always cool.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Kofi replaced the injured Ali in the Elimination Chamber and got down to the final two. That set up one of the most dramatic things that WWE has ever done, as Kofi got inches away from winning the title and the fans ate it up. It was clear that Kofi had to get the title at Wrestlemania or he never would, which sent Kofi and New Day into a crusade to finally get the title shot that had eluded him for eleven years.

After jumping through all kinds of hoops set by Vince McMahon, it took New Day winning a gauntlet match to get the shot, with their longtime rivals the Usos stepping aside in a great show of respect for Kofi. At the same time, Bryan said that Kofi was a B+ player in an awesome role reversal from his legendary run five years earlier.

The match was finally set and it was a heck of a story, as Kofi had put in so many years of building credibility to get here and was finally cashing in. This wasn’t JBL jumping up to the main event scene, as Kofi had pretty much won every title other than the World Title. That’s not a big jump, but it was hard to believe that they would actually pull the trigger here. In other words, this was EXCELLENT and would have headlined any other year.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging and has New Day in his corner, while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a gift for Kofi and promises it for after the match. I had forgotten how nice of a touch Bryan’s eco-friendly belt really was. They stare each other down to start and the fans are behind Kofi, which is almost hard to fathom until you realize that Bryan might be a better heel than face. Kofi’s headlock doesn’t get anywhere so they fight over a backslide. Bryan monkey flips him so Kofi lands on his feet, setting up a dropkick to the floor.

The big dive takes Bryan down again and the roster is behind Kofi in the back. Things slow down a bit as Bryan needs a breather with Rowan. Back in and Bryan uppercuts him a few times to set up the surfboard, which always looks awesome. That’s broken up in a hurry as usual, allowing Kofi to kick away in the corner. Bryan’s moonsault into the running clothesline is countered into something resembling the standing double stomp (almost a Thesz press as Kofi can’t hit it properly) for two.

Kofi’s jumping clothesline works a bit better and the Boom Drop connects. Bryan heads outside again so Kofi tries a springboard dive, which lands ribs first on the announcers’ table. You don’t have to ask Bryan twice to go after the ribs like that so he drops Kofi ribs first across the top rope. The ribs get sent into the corner and it’s off to a waistlock, which works a lot better this time around. Kofi fights up and elbows in the corner but a very quick Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Boston crab.

Bryan’s belly to back superplex is broken up with elbows to the face and Kofi hits a top rope splash to the back for two. They slug it out but Trouble in Paradise is countered again, only to countered into a small package to give Kofi two more. Kofi’s crossbody is rolled through though and Bryan pulls him into a failed LeBell Lock attempt so they’re both down for a second. The running knee is countered into the SOS but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock, with Bryan letting go for some more elbows to the ribs.

Kofi finally gets his foot on the rope and you can hear the sigh of relief. Bryan YES Kicks at the ribs even more but Kofi fires up and tells Bryan to kick him even harder. As Bryan backs away, Kofi throws his own kicks and busts out a reverse suplex for two. They head outside again so Rowan can go after New Day, earning himself Trouble in Paradise. The Midnight Hour on the floor takes care of Rowan and Kofi blocks Bryan’s suicide dive.

Back in and Bryan hits the running knee…..for two and a big pop on the kickout. Bryan has had it and unloads with stomps to the head to set up the LeBell Lock. Kofi breaks out again and blasts Bryan with forearms to the face with more aggression than you usually see from him. Bryan won’t let go of the wrist so Kofi stomps him right back, knocking Bryan silly. Trouble in Paradise gives Kofi the clean pin and the title at 23:45.

Rating: A. That is the definition of the Wrestlemania moment and it holds up to perfection a year later. The fans completely bought into the idea of Kofi fighting through everything and winning the title in the end and that’s all it should have been. Kofi is the kind of guy who has been around forever and built up so much good will that when he finally went after the title, everyone was on his side. That made for a special moment and it was amazing throughout as it’s something that I never thought I would see, but here it is. That’s a great thing to see as rare as it can be.

On top of that, this was an awesome match with both guys giving it everything they had. The story here was perfect with Kofi not being the wrestler Bryan was but knowing that this was his one shot and giving everything he had to achieve his dream when he could. The fans believed in him and there was no way he could lose in this spot. Outstanding stuff and if not for the historic main event, this would have headlined in a landslide. Watch this again and smile a lot.

Post match Woods and Big E. pull out the classic WWE Championship and hand it to Kofi for the first time (Kofi kneeling in the ring and waiting to have it presented to him is a great visual). The pyro goes off and Kofi’s sons get in the ring to celebrate with him and one of them holds up the title, which is almost bigger than he is. We’re not done yet though as Big E. brings in the present from earlier. It’s the first New Day shirt featuring Kofi as champion and his kids get to hold them up for a perfect visual. Woods: “THEY SAID WE COULDN’T MAKE IT! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!” Outstanding.

Che and Jost are banged up so Bliss introduces them to Dr. Scott Hall and Dr. Kevin Nash. Ok then.

Booker T. is the next guest commentator.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and this year’s comic gear is…..well Mysterio appropriately enough. Now how did he never do that one before? Joe kicks him in the face but Rey is right back with the springboard hurricanrana. The 619 connects but Joe pulls him out of the air into the Koquina Clutch and Rey is out at 1:00, which may have something to do with Rey injuring his ankle on Monday. Booker being annoyed at wasting all the time on prep work is good for a chuckle.

Sneak peak of Batista’s new movie Stuber.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns returned from leukemia after a four month absence and he needs a first victim. Drew has run through the rest of the Shield as a bonus. This is your likely layup result of the show and that’s fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew gets played to the ring by the New York Bagpipe Band. They trade shots to the face to start so Reigns snaps off a Samoan drop for an early two. McIntyre is right back with a spinebuster into a jackknife cover for two of his own. The Glasgow Kiss knocks Reigns down again and McIntyre throws him into the corner for two. The chinlock/armbar goes on until Reigns powers out and knocks him to the floor. Reigns’ running kick to the face is blocked though and McIntyre suplexes him down.

Back in and the reverse Alabama slam gives McIntyre two so he takes Reigns up top. That earns him a crotching, only to have Drew pull himself up from the Tree of Woe to send Reigns flying with a belly to belly superplex. Reasons of general heelishness cause McIntyre to slap him in the face, meaning the comeback is on. McIntyre gets knocked outside again for the Samoan drop on the floor, followed by the Superman Punch back inside. The spear finishes McIntyre at 10:06.

Rating: D. The fans didn’t care and why should they have? As usual, it was clear that Reigns was going to win and that happens far too often at Wrestlemania. It’s amazing that Reigns got to come back here but it’s Reigns, who almost always wins, winning again in a match where the ending was obvious throughout. Nothing to see here, and the fans were silent throughout.

Post match Reigns gets to pose in a rather emotional moment.

Here’s Elias for his self described greatest performance ever. He’s on screen playing drums, with a second Elias joining him on piano and the real thing in the ring playing guitar. They jam for a bit and guitar Elias says the other two deserve a standing ovation. Elias teases more members of the band and gets in his catchphrase before loading up the song….but here’s a SPECIAL BULLETIN on Babe Ruth calling his shot in the 1932 World Series.

Cue John Cena in Dr. of Thuganomics gear and the fans seem rather pleased. Cena raps about how he’s about to turn heel and how bad his own movies are. WWE doesn’t stand for Walk With Elias because it really means Wasted Wrestling Experiment. We get a nuts joke, followed by the FU to leave Elias laying. They have history together so this was as good as you were going to get. This was funny for a change if nothing else and that’s a cool Wrestlemania feeling.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Back at Smackdown 1000, Batista had mentioned that HHH never beat him but laughed it off. Then in February, Ric Flair was having a 70^th birthday celebration but Batista attacked him, while asking HHH if he had his attention. This set up the match, with Batista demanding that HHH give him what he wanted (over and over and over). HHH has put up his career just in case the ending was in the slightest bit of doubt.

Shawn Michaels is guest commentator.

Batista vs. HHH

No holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista goes out to glare at Shawn but here’s HHH, riding in a Mad Max style cart because of course he is. Batista drives him straight into the corner to start so HHH is back with some right hands to the face. A backdrop sends Batista outside but he throws HHH over the announcers’ table in a crash. HHH is right back up with a ram into the barricade and busts out a chain to whip Batista over the back.

The chain is pulled into Batista’s mouth (Shawn: “That’s not going to help his movie career.”) and HHH whips him into the steps. To ramp up the pain, HHH busts out some pliers to bend Batista’s fingers around a bit. HHH isn’t done with the toolbox so he grabs some needle nose pliers and ribs Batista’s nose ring out. To be fair, that thing looked horrible. Cole: “HHH just ripped a nose ring out of the nose of Batista.” So the nose ring in his ear is still intact.

Batista’s nose is good enough to drop HHH onto the announcers’ table and then he does it again onto a different one. A chair to the back sets up the shoulders in the corner for two as things have slowed way down. Batista slams him down for two more and let’s go outside again. The steps are set on the table and another table is cleared off as this is taking quite a long time for one big spot.

The huge Batista Bomb through the table is countered with a backdrop onto (not through) the other table and they’re both down again. HHH gets up, spinebusters him through the table, and we get another breather. HHH pulls out the sledgehammer but it’s a spear to cut him down for two. This time it’s HHH knocking the sledgehammer away from Batista, earning himself a spinebuster in the process. The Batista Bomb, which makes HHH drop the sledgehammer again, connects for two.

With nothing else working, Batista brings in the steps but goes up top for some reason. That reason would be so HHH can powerbomb him onto the steps, setting up a Pedigree for two (Because this MUST KEEP GOING!). They’re both down again so here’s Flair to slip HHH the sledgehammer. HHH gets up and uses the steps as a launchpad to hammer Batista in the head. Since that’s not enough to pin him (or KILL HIM as it probably should have), Batista pops up to take the Pedigree for the pin at 25:45.

Rating: D. Why does HHH do this? They could have had the same match with at least ten minutes chopped off but for some reason we needed to get HHH’s latest big epic match, no matter how much people aren’t interested in seeing it. This was terrible with Batista looking like a shell of his glory days (fair enough) and the match going WAY longer than it should have. Horrible match, and did you expect anything else given this style of match’s history?

The B Team model Daniel Bryan WWE Champion shirts but here’s Ron Simmons for the joke.

JBL is your next guest commentator.

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

This is Angle’s retirement match as he can barely get in the ring without injuring himself these days and needs to limp away for good. Corbin is here because we all did something horrible in a past life. Angle goes after him to start but gets knocked into the corner to put him in early trouble. Corbin takes it to the corner and pounds away before mocking Angle’s family a bit. A missed middle rope ax handle sends Corbin throat first into the rope so Angle snaps off some suplexes for two.

Angle walks into a big boot but is fine enough to grab a quickly broken ankle lock. Deep Six gives Corbin two more but he misses a charge, allowing the Angle Slam to connect for two. The straps come down and the ankle lock goes on until Corbin rolls him into the corner for the break. Corbin throws in a You Can’t See Me so Angle punches him into more rolling German suplexes. The moonsault misses though and the End of Days finishes Kurt’s career at 5:59.

Rating: D. Angle does seem fine with putting Corbin over on the way out but this was another step in the seemingly eternal nonsense that was/is the Corbin push. It’s a lot to take and while I can live with Angle going out on his back, it’s a lot to take because Corbin really is going way above his pay grade every time he’s in a match like this.

Post match Angle thanks the fans and asks for one more YOU SUCK chant for the road.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with Lio Rush, is defending and they’ve traded the title, so tonight it’s the Demon to make the match feel big. Balor gets a special entrance by coming down off a raised platform, though it’s not as creepy as his NXT entrances. Lashley has very bright green contacts in for some reason. Some early dropkicks put Lashley on the floor and Balor takes him out with a dive for a bonus.

A hard drive into the apron cuts Balor off though and there’s a suplex to make it worse. Lashley clotheslines him hard to the floor but a Sling Blade gets Balor out of trouble. Rush’s distraction lets Lashley hit a HARD spear through the ropes though and a regular one gets two back inside. Balor fights out of a powerbomb and hits one of his own, setting up the Coup de Grace for the pin and the title at 4:01.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough for something that was going so fast but at the same time, the booking still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Balor has already shown that he can beat Lashley so now he needs to bring up the powers to win? And the extraordinary thing was just a powerbomb? I’m glad to see the Demon again but this wasn’t exactly the most logical thing in the world.

Here’s Alexa Bliss to announce the attendance record of 82,265. Cue R-Truth and Carmella for the Wrestlemania Dance Break (Remember those?).

We recap the main event of Raw Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey and Smackdown Women’s Champion Charlotte defending against Becky Lynch in a winner take all match. Rousey is the unstoppable force, Charlotte is Charlotte and Becky is here because she’s the hottest name in wrestling at the moment and won the Royal Rumble. Tonight the winner leaves with both titles and it’s the biggest women’s match in history.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is challenging both. In a nod to her father and the Four Horsemen, Charlotte lance in a helicopter outside and walks into the stadium. Already inside, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts play Rousey to the ring. There is something so cool about watching Becky walk down the ramp in a wide shot as Cole talks about how she has started a movement. I’m not sure if that is the right term but it looked awesome. The bell rings and even a year later I still can’t believe this happened. The women’s division was a joke just a few years ago and now it’s the biggest match of the year. That’s hard to believe and it’s very cool.

They stare at each other for a good bit to start until Becky goes after Rousey’s arm. Rousey kicks her to the floor without much trouble and that means a Samoan drop into the barricade. Charlotte follows and takes Piper’s Pit but pops right back up for a fall away slam to send Rousey into the barricade for a change. That sets up the required Charlotte vs. Becky fight with Becky getting the better of things but can’t get the Figure Four, allowing Rousey to come and hammer away.

Charlotte breaks up an armbar attempt but gets pulled into a triangle choke over the ropes. Becky hits a running dropkick though and Rousey falls HARD onto the floor in a nasty crash. That leaves Charlotte to knee Becky in the head as the fans get behind Becky in a big way. Charlotte’s moonsault hits knees and Becky gets the Disarm-Her but Rousey make the save in a hurry. A double Natural Selection gives Charlotte two each and it’s Becky going outside this time.

For some reason Charlotte tries to slug it out with Rousey, earning herself a knee to the head. Charlotte pulls her into a Boston crab, drawing Becky in for her own save. Becky and Charlotte slug it out again until Charlotte is sent to the apron. Charlotte gets caught up top with a super Bexploder for two but Rousey drops both of them with a high crossbody for a double near fall. The double armbar goes on so Becky and Charlotte powerbomb her for the break. It took three attempts but they finally got out.

Everyone is down for a bit until Becky hits a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte. Rousey goes after Becky and gets pulled straight into the Disarm-Her so she uses the ropes to power up in the corner. That’s fine with Becky, who puts it on again in the corner until Charlotte boots her in the face. Charlotte’s super Spanish Fly gets two but she might have banged up her knee. Rousey’s knee is banged up as well so Charlotte stomps away and grabs the Figure Four around the post.

After sending Becky into the barricade, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight but Becky dives in off the top for another save. Just because, let’s bring in a table but Charlotte decks Becky for taking too long to set it up. Rousey shoves Charlotte off the top and turns the table over because she doesn’t need it. A double spear takes down Becky and Rousey so Charlotte sets up the table in the corner.

Charlotte sends Rousey face first into the table and spears Becky for two more. Back up and Charlotte gets hiptossed through the table, leaving Becky and Rousey to have the slugout we’ve been waiting for. They throw some serious hands but Piper’s Pit is countered into a crucifix (with Rousey’s shoulder a good six inches off the mat in a bad botch) to give Becky both titles at 21:28.

Rating: B. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t watch it in one sitting this time around but I liked the match a good bit better on a second viewing. These three beat each other up and while Becky winning was the presumed finish, it wasn’t entirely a lock given who she was in there against. It was a heck of a fight and the three of them all came out looking great. This is much more historic than good, but it’s really rather good and that’s always a positive way to go out.

Rousey is ticked as Becky celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The positives are better than the negatives but not by much. There are some flat out bad matches on here but they are overcome by some great feelings with the faces winning all of the big matches for a change. That felt like an old school style as for the first time in what felt like forever, they didn’t cut the fans off for the sake of dragging things out until later. For once it felt like a season finale and that’s what Wrestlemania should be when it gets the chance. Good show, but it could have been a lot better.

How you ask? CUT THE SHOW DOWN! Look at how long this show is and tell me that it’s well put together. There is no need for a sixteen match card, especially with some of the matches that feel tacked on. All three Tag Team Title matches feel like they’re here for the sake of being here and some of the matches just need to be shortened. Either that or find a way to get people to the ring faster. I know it seems simple but how much of these shows are spent on ring entrances alone? Just find a way to shorten things, please.

Overall there are more good things than bad, but this isn’t a show that you need to watch in one sitting. As soon as you get to the point where the show is five hours plus an episode of Smackdown before it starts (and a Smackdown with more wrestling than usual at that), you’re hitting a firm ceiling of how much you can enjoy this. I know you can’t cut out big chunks, but find a way to get this under six hours. Do that and it’s a lot better, but that has been the case for years now and it keeps getting longer. Either way, at least we had enough nice stuff on here, but don’t watch it all at once.

Ratings Comparison

Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C+

Redo: C

Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

Original: C

Redo: D+

Men’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

Original: C+

Redo: B

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Original: D

Redo: D

Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A-

Redo: A

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns

Original: C-

Redo: D

Batista vs. HHH

Original: D+

Redo: D

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

Original: F

Redo: D

Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: C

Redo: C

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same all around, but some of those earlier ones are a good bit off. Still though, too long, despite some of the very good parts.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxv-so-much-for-no-happy-endings/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Chloe x Hallie

I’m not sure if it’s because I was in the stadium last year or something else, but this show was actually a bit more memorable than the previous few editions. Hopefully it’s just as good watching it back but you never can tell with these things. Brock Lesnar is defending the Universal Title against Roman Reigns in the main event because of course he is so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

JR and Jerry Lawler come out for commentary with Byron Saxton for a bit of a feel good moment. It’s a brawl to start with English getting backdropped out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Anderson dumps Konnor and Ziggler starts his tradition of hanging on to avoid elimination. There goes Hawkins as we still need to clear out a lot of the ring. Former partners R-Truth and Goldust shake hands with Goldust eliminating him, cutting off JR’s Bearcat Wright’s references.

Primo is out next as there’s almost nothing between these eliminations. Kanellis gets tossed and Ziggler hangs on again. Things settle down a bit unto Apollo knees Breeze as JR mocks Ziggler for always having to save himself. Viktor is gone too and the Revival beats on Ryder but he’s right back up. The Broski Boot is loaded up on Ziggler (JR: “Ziggler in trouble. Again.”) but Rawley Pounces Ryder out in a nice touch. A Liger kick from Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows as we take a break.

Apollo getting backdropped out and Benjamin follows him…and let’s look at the announcers. We come back with Rhyno and the Revival gone and Kane eliminating Axel and Dallas. And now, we look at John Cena in the crowd as a fan, because I had forgotten about that stupid story. Back with Sin Cara eliminated by Corbin and Fandango dancing at Kane, earning himself an elimination off a single uppercut.

Corbin gets rid of Slater and Kane eliminates Gable, leaving us with the big power showdown. Everyone else jumps the monsters and it’s a superkick to Titus, setting a clothesline to get rid of him. We’re down to Corbin, Dillinger, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Hardy and Kane as Goldust loads up Shattered Dreams on Dillinger. That’s broken up by Ziggler so Goldust ties him up for Shattered Dreams as well. Dillinger takes the kick but Ziggler eliminates Goldust.

That leaves us with a TEN vs. DELETE battle with a Twist of Fate and Dillinger is gone. Kane tosses Ziggler but gets eliminated by Corbin to get us down to Corbin, Hardy and Rawley. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the villains go for the elimination….but here’s the returning Bray Wyatt for Sister Abigail into an elimination for Rawley. Corbin drops Wyatt but gets backdropped out to give Matt the win at 16:36.

Rating: D+. It was a battle royal that got a lot of time and wasn’t all that interesting. The ending was a cool moment and it’s the best way to get everyone on the card, even if most of these people mean a grand total of nothing. It’s not a good match or even anything memorable, but at least it got the crowd warmed up….with an hour to go before the show itself starts.

Post match Matt thanks Bray and we get a hug, which JR deems a Wrestlemania moment.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Tournament final to crown a new champion after Enzo Amore was finally banished. Ali debuts his SubZero look, which he still uses a year later. They’re both very happy to be there and slaps hands before getting started. Cedric scores with a shoulder block but gets headscissored down as the announcers are right there to play up the power vs. speed idea, though you don’t exactly think of power when it comes to Alexander.

Now the 054 connects for two, the first time the move has ever only gotten a near fall. Another 054 misses and it’s a pair of spinning back elbows to Ali’s face. A third turns Ali inside out and the Lumbar Check makes Cedric champion at 12:21. Cedric immediately hugs the unconscious Ali in a nice show of sportsmanship.

Rating: B. I was pulling for Ali but it felt like a title match between two guys fighting with everything they had. Cedric was the favorite in the entire tournament but Ali came off looking like a star the whole way through. This was rather good stuff and should have been the Kickoff Show main event, though I’ll take a good match when I can.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Dana Brooke, Becky Lynch, Sarah Logan, Lana, Bianca Belair, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Peyton Royce, Natalya, Dakota Kai, Mickie James, Taynara Conti, Ruby Riott, Kairi Sane, Sasha Banks, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Bayley

This was going to be the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal but history intervened and it’s just a regular battle royal this time around. Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary and the former has some advice: don’t get thrown over the top rope. Becky comes out first, everyone else comes out, followed by Sasha and Bayley to fill out the field. Miss Money in the Bank Carmella (erg) poses with the briefcase to start and everyone gangs up on her for the easy elimination.

Deville, who got the elimination, poses in the big circle of women but Dana gets thrown in the middle instead. That means trash talk from Brooke and the big beatdown is on with Mandy tossing Dana. The NXT women team up to send the main roster women outside (through the ropes rather than over, which I can’t stand in battle royals) so we can get the WE ARE NXT pose.

Becky yells at Devi about orange being HER COLOR as some of the main roster women get back in. Kai eliminates Mandy as Paige declares Deville her favorite member of Absolution. We stop for the NXT women to triple team Deville, setting up Belair’s 450, because THAT MAKES SENSE IN A BATTLE ROYAL! Deville is out and we take a break, coming back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow thanks to more ganging up on Riott during the break.

Lana and Devi are tossed and Conti gets kicked out by the Squad. Becky and Belair have a less than thrilling slugout and the hair whip is incredibly loud. Belair misses a charge though and gets kicked out, followed by Kai kicking Naomi in the face. Banks gets rid of Kai without much effort and there goes Becky to a chorus of boos (I think Becky will be fine). Ruby knocks Mickie out and it’s Royce’s turn to kick people in the face.

Logan powerbombs her out as well though and we’re down to Morgan, Logan, Riott, Bayley, Banks, Natalya and Naomi, who is out on the floor (oh dear). For some reason Natalya decides to pose with her back turned to the Squad but manages to suplex Ruby and Sarah at the same time.

Bayley saves Sasha from a suplex and helps get rid of Natalya. Morgan is out as well and there goes Ruby. Banks sends Logan to the apron and Bayley knocks her out, leaving us with Banks and Bayley. The fans actually get on their feet to cheer for this one and the handshake…lets Bayley throw Banks out to a big reaction but Naomi gets back in for the Rear View. That’s enough for the win at 9:39.

Rating: F+. I had forgotten how annoying that ending was but it makes you realize just how stupid this whole thing was. Bayley and Banks would go on to have their weird semi-feud and then partnership over the year while Naomi has done NOTHING important since this match. You have something here with Bayley and the bright idea is to do the HAHA WE TRICKED YOU ending? That’s been done to death in battle royals and it’s not like this was anything more than a surprise ending, which was really stupid given how Bayley had been searching for anything important for the last year. This actually ticked me off again so well done.

Jojo introduces Chloe and Hallie to sing America the Beautiful, describing them as the “future of music”. Well if Jojo says it then it must be true.

The opening video shows shots of parties in New Orleans and, just like in 2014, features a tagline of Let The Good Times Roll. They couldn’t come up with anything else in four years? And the theme song is still Celebrate by Kid Rock. Ok it’s a catchy song, but is there nothing else (or no one else) that they could use?

Yay pyro! And cool set with the Mardi Gras mask, which looked awesome all night long.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the lower bowl and looking not quite directly at the far post on the right side opposite the hard camera.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and we get the new idea this year: 3D graphics for some of the entrances, including Miz who gets the Miz logo and various words to describe him, including MOVIE STAR. Miz sends the Miztourage to the back because he wants to do this himself for his newborn daughter. The weird part is you couldn’t see those in the stadium (obviously) but you could see them on the screens around the building, which made your head snap around a few times.

Balor isn’t the Demon here, but instead comes out with a bunch of LGBT people in rainbow Balor Club shirts labeled FOR EVERYONE. If nothing else, it’s awesome to see the stadium doing the Balor pose at once. This was set up with both guys beating Miz in one night, because Balor beating Miz after Miz had a long match with Rollins is totally the same thing.

They all go for the way too early rollups to start with Miz being sent outside. That means Rollins can miss a Stomp on Balor but a superkick to the ribs works just fine. Balor sends Rollins outside though and it’s the big running flip dive onto both of them for the first major pop of the night. Back in and basement dropkick gives Balor two on Miz but Rollins is back in with a high crossbody.

Miz finally gets to do something other than get beaten up as we look at Cena in the crowd again. Rollins grabs a double Blockbuster for two on Miz but he’s right back up with a knee to the ribs (not face Cole). The chinlock goes on, which shouldn’t be the case less than four minutes into a triple threat. Back up and a neckbreaker gets two on Miz as they’re just trading moves until we get to the big stuff. Another chinlock seems to annoy Balor so he gets up again and hits the double stomp to Miz’s ribs.

Rollins is back in for a Sling Blade to Balor, setting up a suicide dive to Balor and Miz. A superkick drops Balor again but Miz comes in with a DDT for two. Miz goes with the strategy by bending Balor’s knee around the ropes and slapping on the Figure Four. The frog splash from Rollins (from out of nowhere for an awesome visual) breaks it up and all three of them head outside.

Balor escapes the barricade powerbomb and dropkicks them both into the barricade instead. Back in again and 1916 gets two on Rollins but Miz breaks up the Coup de Grace. Instead of the Tower of Doom though it’s the buckle bomb to Miz and a superplex into the Falcon Arrow to Balor. The Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz two on Rollins and they’re all down again.

Balor does his hop over the ropes in the corner but gets crotched for trying the Coup de Grace again. It’s just not working this time dude. Miz goes up top with Balor and catches a springboarding Rollins with something close to a super Skull Crushing Finale. Balor breaks it up with a Coup de Grace and hits a second on Miz but the Stomp breaks that up too. Another Stomp hits Miz to give Rollins the pin and the title at 15:37.

Rating: B-. This might have been a few minutes too long but Rollins winning was a fine call as he’s more than over enough and kind of fits the Workrate Champion idea to perfection. Miz can come back and break the all time days record later and Balor is over no matter what. Not a great match, but a very hot opener and the fans were into everything here.

We recap the Smackdown Women’s Title match, which is billed as the BIGGEST WOMEN’S MATCH IN WRESTLEMANIA HISTORY. My how times change. Anyway Charlotte is the queen of everything and Asuka won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot. It’s absolutely a dream match with Charlotte being Charlotte and Asuka still being undefeated.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and gets the full Ric Flair theme song, complete with a HHH from Wrestlemania XXX inspired entrance, meaning soldiers to help her off a throne and take her robe. Asuka on the other hand gets the CGI masks with rainbow colored lines surrounding them, which look cool on screen but live….not so much. They lock up to start and take turns flipping out of wristlocks for an early standoff.

Charlotte loads up a monkey flip but instead trips the leg for a failed Figure Eight attempt. You can feel the intensity here and it’s working well so far. Some chops to the chest (and one to the face) have Asuka in trouble but she’s right back with a hip attack to knock Charlotte outside. Back in and it’s time to start in on the arm but Charlotte gets in a backbreaker into an STO. Charlotte uses a Backpack Stunner to get out of a sleeper and a knee to the back of the head keeps Asuka in trouble.

It’s enough trouble for Charlotte to go up top for the moonsault….which is countered into a triangle for a sweet escape. Charlotte reverses into a Boston crab until Asuka makes the rope. A sliding kick to the face knocks Charlotte backwards and it’s back to the arm as Asuka continues to follow her game plan. They head to the apron with Asuka suplexing her out to the floor in a good looking crash. Sometimes you need to just go with a big spot like that and it worked very well.

Back in and they stare each other down until Asuka just erupts with strikes to the face. A missile dropkick gets two and Asuka stomps on the back. Charlotte is fine enough for the chops to catch Asuka on top and it’s a super Spanish Fly for two with the fans getting much more into things in a hurry. Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold from Asuka’s back for a cool change of pace.

Charlotte tries to flip out and into the Figure Eight but Asuka kicks her in the head for a block. Well that’s certainly to the point. The Asuka Lock is blocked and Charlotte hits a very good spear for two more as the fans are WAY into this. With nothing else working, Charlotte goes to the Figure Eight and bridges up with one arm….and Asuka taps at 13:05 in a shocker.

Rating: A-. I don’t get shocked by results very often but I was actually stunned to see how this went. I would have bet money on Asuka walking out as champion here but Charlotte winning was far from a ridiculous result. Now the problem is what this did to Asuka, as she only started to recover from the loss nearly a year later. Charlotte would lose the title to Carmella two days later, bringing some dark days to the belt. This however was anything but dark, with an outstanding match between two stars.

Post match Asuka gets the mic and says Charlotte was ready for her in the ultimate sign of respect.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something that makes him get out of his seat and run up the ramp. You really couldn’t wait until the women were gone so they could have the full moment?

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Orton is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Aiden English (now bald, meaning he shaved his head since the end of the battle royal when he had hair) handles Rusev’s entrance and we get my favorite shot every year: a closeup of someone with the camera swinging around to show the stadium crowd in front of them. There’s something so cool about seeing just how big of a stage they’re really on. Anyway, Rusev is crazy over and easily the crowd favorite. Does anyone else see an issue with Orton’s music saying “I hear voices in my head” while his Titantron says IN MY VEINS?

While you think about that, Orton and Mahal are sent outside, leaving Rusev to dropkick (yes dropkick) Roode to the floor. A RUSEV DAY Cannonball off the apron takes Orton and Mahal down again but Roode is back in with a Blockbuster for two on Rusev. The other two get back in and it’s Mahal getting beaten up by Orton and Roode before being tossed right back to the floor. Orton hits the top rope superplex on Roode with Rusev and Mahal diving back in for the save.

That’s enough for Mahal to ask Rusev for a partnership but Rusev doesn’t even bother waiting before hitting Mahal with a spinning belly to back suplex for two. Roode makes it worse by busting Mahal’s spine and hitting the GLORIOUS pose, only to have Orton make a save this time.

That leaves Orton alone in the ring and it’s the hanging DDT on Rusev. The RKO hits English, Rusev and Mahal so it’s Roode making a save of his own. Roode blocks the RKO and plants Orton with the Glorious DDT as Mahal saves. The Machka Kick drops Mahal but Sunil Singh offers a distraction, letting Mahal hit the Khallas for the pin on Rusev at 8:14. You could literally feel the energy go out of the crowd.

Rating: D+. There was some hard work in there but this was the definition of Vince saying screw the audience because it’s all about what I want. Rusev was one of the most popular guys in the company and had been for months but instead we get Mahal, who was an all time bomb as WWE Champion getting to pin Rusev.

It’s not like there was even a long term plan as Mahal would lose the title a mere eight days later. Rusev would indeed get the title nearly nine months later, after his popularity had fallen way down, meaning it was acceptable to give the fans what they want. This really hurt the show and it’s going to be hard to recover.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon and yeah I think this might help the recovery process. After being at Wrestlemania XXXI and attacking Stephanie, Rousey made her official WWE debut at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year. She wanted to go to Wrestlemania and since she was (at the time) the most dominant female UFC fighter of all time, Stephanie wanted to mold her into a WWE star.

Angle, who had been screwed over by Stephanie and HHH before, warned Ronda that they would mess with her too. That didn’t sit well with Rousey, who beat both of them up on the way to this mixed tag match. Naturally we got a lot of Stephanie workout videos because she’s STEPHANIE and that makes her some wrestling legend. It’s sickening, and I was waiting on her to survive the armbar in the match. It was clear that this was going to be full of smoke and mirrors, but the question is how well Rousey is going to do in her debut. This is one of the main events of the show and something a lot of people really wanted to see.

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles (flanked by four women on their own motorcycles), with Stephanie’s biker look (including the leather pants) making me a lot less annoyed at her. Cole: “Even though Stephanie is a former Women’s Champion, this is her Wrestlemania in-ring debut!” WWE pretending that Stephanie was a wrestler is one of their more interesting character tweaks. Rousey gets a huge reaction and of course smiles at the crowd, as is her custom. Cole talks about two people starting in UFC and coming to WWE: Ken Shamrock and now Rousey. So they’re not Dan Severn fans either?

The fans are WAY behind Rousey as they stare each other down in the middle. Stephanie shoves Rousey in the face because Stephanie just never learns. A hair pull doesn’t prove to be the brightest idea either so Stephanie bails to the apron so the guys can start us off. Angle (very badly) punches at HHH and the beating is on in the corner. A hammerlock keeps HHH does as we’re just waiting for this to explode as it should be doing.

Stephanie manages to lure Rousey in though and Angle gets low bridged to the floor. Cole calls this “that McMahon instinct” as the worship is already a lot to take. Angle gets sent into the steps and Rousey is about to lose it because she can’t intervene. Some more cheap shots from Stephanie keep Rousey angry and a spinebuster gives HHH two. A front facelock keeps Angle down but he gets a boot up in the corner.

Stephanie chokes Angle and HHH nearly hits her by mistake but it’s still too early for the hot tag. A suplex drops HHH again but Stephanie runs around and pulls Rousey off the apron. HHH gets whipped over the corner for the real crash and you can see the panic in Stephanie. The hot tag brings in Rousey (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!!!”) who SPRINTS over to Stephanie and throws her down with a suplex. After the required tug of the shorts, Rousey unloads with rights and lefts in the corner as the fans are already losing it. The release throw sends Stephanie back into the corner and Graves is terrified.

The fans want and receive the armbar….but Stephanie blocks it. Yes the hold that UFC fighters were powerless again is a simple block for Stephanie as the crowd’s soul is slapped down again. Stephanie blocks it a second time and rakes the eyes (Cole: “Complete manipulation of the rules!” Ignore the complete manipulation of reality and focus on those rules man.”), setting up a double arm crank as the fans try to process that they’re really doing this.

Stephanie even mocks Rousey, who grabs her by the throat and hits the swinging Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee. Rousey: “I’m going to continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls her out as well, apparently not a fan of such chatty opponents. Angle is back up and sends HHH over the announcers’ table but gets thrown onto the Spanish table. After a slow crawl, HHH is back in and sees Rousey, who is ready to fight. HHH puts the referee in the corner and sizes Rousey up and the beating is on in the corner.

A legsweep looks to set up the swinging Samoan drop but Stephanie makes a save. I know I’m not a big HHH fan a lot of the time but he just made Rousey look like the biggest star in the history of the division. Rousey chases Stephanie outside though and has to adjust the gear again, allowing Stephanie to post her. Angle is back in for some belly to belly suplexes and the rolling Germans but the ankle lock is countered. The Pedigree is countered as well and HHH gets catapulted into the corner, setting up the Angle Slam for two with no one making a save.

Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock and yells at Angle, who catches the boot to the ribs. HHH has to save his wife and Pedigrees Angle for two with Rousey making her own save this time. With Angle down, HHH loads Rousey up for a powerbomb but gets hurricanranaed (!) into the armbar on HHH (I completely bought that as the finish live) until Stephanie grabs a choke.

That’s reversed into an armbar and Stephanie has the gall to block it AGAIN. Angle ankle locks HHH, who rolls Angle into Rousey for the real save. Rousey and Angle get posted and it’s time for stereo Pedigrees, both of which are broken up. The armbar is slapped on again and this time Rousey uses the leverage to pull back and Stephanie finally taps at 20:37.

Rating: A. That’s not even on a sliding scale because Rousey knocked that out harder than she knocked out Alexis Davis. She looked like she’s been doing this for ten years and had one of the best debut matches I’ve ever seen. Everyone else was nailing it too and I got completely sucked into it both live and watching it back because all of the stuff was that good. Don’t have Stephanie block the armbar so often and this is an A+ easy.

That was the only downgrade, even though you knew full well it was coming. To be fair though, Stephanie did tap out clean in the end so it wasn’t the most ridiculous thing ever. Well the first part was but not the finish. After this, how can you now see Rousey as the star that she already was?

Stephanie has to be helped out, as she should. She would get armbarred again the next night for a bonus.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Kofi wastes no time in hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jey but Harper pulls him outside before the count. Jimmy gets sent into the steps and Harper crashes against Big E. against the barricade. With no one else to beat up, Woods gets powerbombed against the post, leaving Rowan to splash Kofi and Jey back inside. The mostly done Jey is thrown outside and Big E. gets knocked off the apron. Jimmy comes back in for a pair of superkicks and Jey is back up for stereo kicks to Harper’s head in the corner.

A jumping enziguri hits Harper and a superkick knocks Rowan to the floor, setting up a double suplex on the outside. Harper catches Kofi with a swinging release Boss Man Slam but gets caught with a double superkick on top. Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom so Kofi charges at Harper, only to get powerbombed by Rowan. An assisted super sitout powerbomb finishes Kofi to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: C-. The time cuts aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world with the Usos and the New Day giving it all they had against the monsters but not being able to stop them. The Bludgeon Brothers were the first time a team other than the Usos or New Day had held the belts in over a year so this was long, long overdue and the right call.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network, most of which actually happened for a change.

Here’s a fired up John Cena for his match with Undertaker. This comes after weeks of Cena calling out Undertaker for Wrestlemania because Undertaker seemingly retired after last year’s show. Cena came off as the biggest jerk in this feud and acting like Undertaker owed him something. There was no confirmation that Undertaker was going to be here, hence him sitting in the crowd earlier.

That’s the other stupid part of the whole thing: Cena kept talking about how he had no path to Wrestlemania, because JOHN CENA couldn’t get a match. He gave some lame excuse about how this was the only match that mattered and it didn’t do a thing to make up for the consistently annoying lines from commentary about Cena possibly being left out of Wrestlemania. I get what they were going for, but come on already.

Anyway Cena is ready to go but here’s a referee to say not so fast. Cena is disappointed and the lights go out. It’s only Elias though and Cena heads back to his seat as Elias sings about it being his night. That’s enough for Cena who runs in and beats Elias up before looking disappointed again. Cole: “I guess that would be a Wrestlemania moment right?” He goes up the ramp but stops….and the lights go out again. A spotlight hits the ring with Undertaker’s hat, coat and boots, which are hit by lighting (looks awful on the Network, looked great when you didn’t see it coming in the stadium. They’re gone, and the gong strikes.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

I know he’s been old for ten years, but that entrance live, especially in the stadium, is chilling. Cole of course can’t SHUT UP, saying everything he can think of, including calling them the two greatest performers of all time. Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner to start and hits the jumping clothesline. Old School connects and Undertaker hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the big leg have Cena rocked but the chokeslam is escaped.

Cena’s belly to back connects but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, making Cena fall down in fear. The chokeslam into the Tombstone finishes Cena at 2:48. The more I think of this one, the more I like it. Cena ran his mouth for so long and Undertaker annihilated him here, just as he should have. While a lot of people will be annoyed at not getting a full form match between these two, I’d rather they do this than have Undertaker look back in a fifteen minute match.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony.

Here’s the Hall of Fame Class, which really doesn’t need to air on the show. They already get a whole evening to themselves. Do we really need ten minutes on Wrestlemania too?

Jeff Jarrett (eh sure, though it’s still weird to see him here)

Mark Henry (still not sure on him, though his documentary was great)

Hillbilly Jim (I’m a Kentucky boy but come on)

Ivory (she looks better now than she did during her career)

Jarius JJ Robertson (Warrior Award)

Dudley Boyz (yep)

Goldberg (yep, though I’d call the Dudleys more appropriate headliners)

Oh and Kid Rock, this year’s celebrity inductee, wasn’t there because he had a concert.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens. Bryan somehow overcame his injuries and returned to the ring in something I still can barely believe. Owens and Zayn had tormented Smackdown boss Shane for months and then attacked Bryan for firing them the night he was announced as being cleared. Therefore it’s a tag match with Owens and Zayn fighting for their jobs. Yeah that’s all well and good. The point here is Bryan actually getting back in the ring, which is almost impossible to imagine.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon

Owens and Zayn beat McMahon up on Smackdown to cover for Shane’s legitimate medical issues. Chris Jericho was apparently on red phone alert for this show with a plan to have him fly in from a Fozzy show on the corporate jet in case Shane couldn’t make the show. Bryan gets a special entrance with a weird military/Terminator themed video showing a target on the Superdome before looking at the YES Movement spreading throughout the world in a cool moment. You can feel the emotions in Bryan as he comes down the aisle and it’s an amazing sight to behold.

Owens and Zayn jump the good guys from behind and Shane gets thrown over the barricade. Bryan takes a Helluva kick and the apron powerbomb to leave him laying. Medics come out to check on Bryan as yes, they actually are trying to stretch this out even further. Shane is willing to fight on his own and unloads with the really bad punches to Owens in the corner.

There’s the jumping back elbow but Shane grabs his stomach due to the diverticulitis (the same thing that ruined Lesnar’s UFC career). A DDT drops Sami but Owens gets in a shot to the stomach to cut Shane off. We settle down into a regular match with Sami elbowing the ribs and going for one cover after another. Owens steps on the ribs and applauds Bryan for such a great return. A t-bone suplex gives Sami two and a superkick into the Blue Thunder Bomb is good for the same. The fans don’t care about this whatsoever and there’s no reason for them to.

With Bryan STILL being tended to at ringside, it’s just a big waiting game until Bryan gets back up and makes the hot tag. The Helluva Kick misses in the corner and Sami gets tied in the Tree of Woe. Coast to Coast hits but Shane can’t follow up because of the stomach. Owens drops the frog splash on Shane but Bryan dives in for the save to bring the fans back to life. The hot tag is cut off though and we hit the chinlock to make the fans wait a little longer. A belly to back suplex gets Shane out of trouble though and there’s the tag, with Bryan taking his time before getting in for an awesome moment.

House is cleaned and it’s the moonsault over Sami into the running clothesline. Owens comes back in and Bryan gets them in opposite corners for alternating running dropkicks. Sami is back with a Helluva Kick for two on Bryan and Owens superkicks Shane to the floor. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets two more and Owens is shocked at the kickout. Shane dives onto Owens, leaving Sami to yell at Bryan for coming back and punch him in the face. That’s enough for Bryan and the fight is on, including the YES Kicks. The running knee sets up the YES Lock to make Sami tap at 15:24.

Rating: C+. This was two matches in one with the rather boring beatdown of Shane for the first half before Bryan came in and gave the fans exactly what they wanted for the second half. It was all about Bryan and that’s all it was supposed to be. The idea that he actually made it back to the ring is amazing and one of the most surprising stories you’ll ever see in wrestling. He deserved a big moment like this and that’s what we got here, albeit after Shane got in his own time of course.

Attendance announcement, with pyro because it’s Wrestlemania.

We recap Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss. They were friends, but Jax found out that Bliss was making fun of her behind her back. Jax went into monster mode and chased after Bliss and her friend Mickie James, setting up this match. Now there’s no reason this shouldn’t be about thirty seconds long, but it’s Wrestlemania and what matters is getting on the card and having a long match instead of doing what makes sense.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Bliss, with James in her corner, is defending and is lowered down to the stage on a platform for a nice touch. We get the Big Match Intros and Bliss immediately backs up as she should. Jax gets smart and runs Mickie over before the bell rings to send her outside for a heck of a beatdown. Bliss tries to intervene and gets glared back to the ring, leaving James to take a Samoan drop on the floor.

We get back inside for the opening bell and Bliss slaps her in the face. That earns a scream from Nia so Bliss screams back in true scream queen fashion. A gorilla press slam has Bliss bailing to the floor and it’s time to leave, only to have Nia run her over again. Back in and Bliss pokes her in the eye before going after the knee in a smart move.

What’s not a smart move is this match already going nearly three minutes with Bliss getting in any significant offense. A basement dropkick keeps Jax in trouble but a guillotine choke is easily countered via an overhead belly to belly suplex. Jax goes shoulder first into the post as the fans are quiet all over again. Twisted Bliss to a standing Nia on the floor gives Bliss another knockdown, setting up the short DDT for two back inside.

Bliss yells at her so Nia tells her to shut up already and the destruction begins. Another poke to the eye is no sold and Bliss gets whipped hard into the buckles. Bliss goes to the eye again to get out of the Samoan drop but Jax drives her into the corner and then drops her. That’s not enough as it’s a super Samoan drop to give Jax the pin and the title at 9:02.

Rating: D-. What were they thinking here? The whole story was that Bliss was all talk and survived because of Nia but then she hangs with Nia for the better part of ten minutes? This should have been thirty seconds long with Bliss getting the title back later on (as she did in June) after coming back from getting squashed. Just a bad idea all around here, save for Jax FINALLY winning the title.

We recap AJ Styles defending the Smackdown World Title against Shinsuke Nakamura. They had a classic match in Japan and a lot of fans wanted to see it again in WWE. Nakamura won the Royal Rumble and the match was on, with both guys trying to get in the other’s head on the way to New Orleans. So yeah, they’re just going with “it’s a dream match” for the build, which works just fine.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by Nita Strauss (awesome guitar player and rather gorgeous at the same time). The army of violinists and drummers help too. Since WWE can’t go more than five minutes without making some kind of a mistake, AJ is billed as Universal Champion. They lock up to start with Nakamura getting the better of it with some knees to the ribs.

Good Vibrations is blocked and AJ gets in his own knee before starting in on the back. Styles grabs a chinlock for a bit before dropkicking him to the floor. That’s not the best idea though as it’s a kick to the head to stagger Styles and the champ is in trouble for the first time. Nakamura’s middle rope kick to the face gets two and that’s a COME ON to set up the strikes to the face.

The running knee to the ribs in the corner gets two but AJ is right back with a belly to back faceplant. A sliding forearm into the pumphandle gutbuster gets two on Nakamura as they’re trading big spots. AJ’s springboard is countered into the Landslide (Samoan driver) for two but Nakamura needs a minute before following up. With nothing else working, Nakamura goes with the kicks, which are countered into the Calf Crusher.

Since it’s Nakamura, that’s reversed into a triangle choke, which AJ powers into something like a fisherman’s buster for another double knockdown. It’s Nakamura up first and trying a running knee in the corner but the bad knee hit the buckle instead. AJ is right back with a Phenomenal Forearm for two in the required kickout of the first finisher.

The springboard 450 hits knees and Nakamura grabs a small package for two of his own. They slug it out until AJ nails the Pele but can’t follow up, allowing Nakamura to knee him in the back of the head for a much nearer fall. The reverse exploder looks to set up the Kinshasa but AJ rolls through into the Styles Clash for the pin to retain at 20:21.

Rating: B+. This was close to being a classic but it’s really just a very good match instead. Part of the problem here is how late the match came in the show. The fans were starting to get worn down and there was only so much energy left in the people. Also it never quite got to the epic level that they were shooting for with Nakamura never really getting the close near falls that he needed to take it to another level. Still that, very good and worthy of a Wrestlemania title match.

We recap the Kickoff Show. This is another few minutes that could be cut off.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

The Bar is defending after Strowman won a battle royal to become #1 contenders despite not having a partner. Therefore the big question for over a month is who would the partner be. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float, complete with people in large headed costumes for a cool visual. There’s no partner for Strowman, who breaks up the float before coming to the ring.

Strowman and the kid get in the ring where the kid is introduced as Nicholas (the son of referee John Cone). Cole: “This is really happening.” He’s never been more right. Oh and the search for a partner and introduction took about four and a half minutes, again because this show can just keep going. Strowman takes Sheamus into the corner with no problem to start before beating up Cesaro as well.

Nicholas is terrified (as he should be) as Cesaro dropkicks Strowman in the knee. A double suplex lets Sheamus drop a top rope knee, setting up an assisted swanton from Sheamus’ shoulders. Strowman comes back with a double crossbody and backdrops Sheamus over the top, bouncing him off the post in the process. To cap it off, Strowman tags Nicholas in. The kid is terrified and tags Strowman back in for the powerslam to Cesaro for the pin and the titles at 3:58.

Rating: F. I….what do you want from me here? This was an idea that completely failed because WWE had no idea what to do here and this is all they could do. Put Heath Slater or someone in there, or have Strowman do a rendition of Me And My Shadow and have him win it by himself. It was a joke that was literally forgotten the next night and stretched the show out even more because they couldn’t just cut this and put Strowman ANYWHERE else. I’m sure Matt Hardy had to win the battle royal right?

Wrestlemania 35 is in New York/Jersey. You don’t hear New Jersey mentioned here, but I guess it’s just implied.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. It’s the latest attempt to make Reigns feel like the mega star because the first few times didn’t take. Therefore he won the Elimination Chamber (beating Strowman after Strowman eliminated everyone else), THIS TIME FOR SURE! Lesnar has been champion for a year and barely ever defends the title, because that was so successful the first few times. Their fights over the last few weeks get the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and WOW the fans are not happy to see him. To make it a little better, Brock drives him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, followed by the German suplexes. Reigns pops up with a Superman Punch to send Brock to the floor as they’re starting fast again. Back in and a clothesline knocks Lesnar over the top and out to the floor as the fans chant things to amuse themselves.

Lesnar catches him with a belly to belly on the floor and another one drops Reigns on his head. There’s the required CM PUNK chant and a third belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the announcers’ table because Brock didn’t realize how much room he had. Back in and Lesnar throws another German suplex, declaring it SUPLEX CITY B****. More suplexes ensue because that’s what Lesnar does in a big time match. Brock gets tired of that and loads up the announcers’ table but Reigns posts him for a much needed breather.

A spear puts Lesnar onto (not through) another table as the fans boo the heck out of this. Or maybe they’re mad about losing a beach ball. The Superman Punch into a pair of spears gets two and now the fans are definitely happy with a beach ball. Brock blocks a spear with a knee to the face that brings Graves out of his chair.

The first F5 gets two and virtually no reaction from the crowd. Another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. To switch it up, another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. The fans declare it boring so Lesnar takes him outside for the fourth F5 through the announcers’ table. Lesnar takes it back inside and stands there as the fans do something else in the crowd that goes from cheering to booing during the same closeup.

The fifth F5 gets two so Lesnar takes the gloves off at Heyman’s orders. The fans call it awful as Lesnar hammers away to bust Reigns open. It’s quite the gusher but Reigns slips out of the F5 and hits a pair of spears for two. Another spear is countered into the sixth F5 to retain the title at 15:51.

Rating: D+. Well of course he does. The problem here is that there is good action in the match but it’s too much of the same stuff and the fans having none of it that took away its value. Couple that with knowing that we’re just waiting on even more Reigns title shots and promos about needing to be champion and there was no way this was going to work. The fans (including myself) were done with this WAY before the match started and that’s all there was to it.

Reigns gets cleaned up and we get the long video package. Back in the stadium, Reigns leaves and the show ends. I stood around for a long time while this was going on because the video doesn’t play in the stadium and it wasn’t clear if the show was over or not.

Overall Rating: C-. I know I (and a lot of other people) say it over and over but it’s just too long. There is a limit to how long you can sit watching wrestling in person or at home and Wrestlemania has blown past that for years now. At some point you just stop caring and there’s very little that can be done to fix such a problem. They need to do something because this isn’t going to work no matter what they do. Cut out a lot of stuff and it’s a great show, but the whole package didn’t work.

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, such as the opener, AJ vs. Nakamura, Charlotte vs. Asuka, the mixed tag and a few other moments here and there. The problem is there’s so much other stuff that either doesn’t work (the main event, the Raw Women’s Title match and the Raw Tag Team Titles are great places to start) that it really doesn’t work. Get rid of some of that and the show is that much better.

Overall, it comes down to the problem of WWE not listening to the fans. They can throw out as much good content as they want, but if you do it to annoy the fans (the US Title match) or to stretch things out even further past its expiration point (the Universal Title), it’s going to come back to mess things up. There is so much on here that fans don’t want to see and WWE just won’t fix it.

That doesn’t help the length either. If you have a show where the final match is something the fans do not want to see, you’re going to have them sitting there, already annoyed at other things in the show, for hours waiting to see something that only WWE seems interested in. How is that supposed to be appealing for over seven hours? Cut it down, give us something else to cheer for, and remember that Wrestlemania is supposed to be about the best of the best, not everyone on the roster.

Ratings Comparison

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander

Original: B-

Redo: B

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: F+

Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor

Original: B

Redo: B-

Charlotte vs. Asuka

Original: A-

Redo: A

Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev vs. Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode

Original: D

Redo: D+

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey

Original: A-

Redo: A

New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: B+

Braun Strowman/Nicholas vs. The Bar

Original: F

Redo: F

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

This is an interesting one as most of the matches are within the same ballpark but I liked the show a lot better the first time around. Maybe the good was more fun just after the show, but this really didn’t do it for me nearly as well on another viewing. It’s watchable, but definitely not a very good show.

Here’s the original if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/04/14/wrestlemania-xxxiv-the-same-old-story/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Smackdown
Date: March 25, 2022
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We’re eight days away from Wrestlemania and believe it or not, the preview for the show has a picture of Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman, because that is the only thing on this show that matters. It would be nice for the new Intercontinental Champion to get a Wrestlemania match set up, but I wouldn’t bet on it anytime soon. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Brock Lesnar’s path of rage last week, including the fork lift attack on the Bloodline’s SUV.

Opening sequence.

Brock Lesnar is outside of Reigns’ dressing room and says that he has paid some fines and bought some vehicles, including a blood red SUV for Reigns himself. Now upper management has told him to not have any contact with Reigns, so he’ll be sitting in Reigns’ locker room and wait for a good provoking. Lesnar goes into the empty room, likes what he has found (“Not as good as mine but not bad”) and puts his feet on the table, breaking it in the process. As Lesnar tends to do.

Jimmy Uso vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Jey Uso and Rick Boogs are here too, with Boogs throwing Jey at Jimmy to send us to a break before the bell. The battle over wrist control doesn’t last long so Nakamura gives us a COME ON before taking Jimmy down. Good Vibrations makes it worse for Jimmy and he heads outside for a breather.

Back in and Jimmy gets two off a belly to back suplex, setting up the chinlock. Nakamura fights up but gets sent to the apron and then out to the floor. Jimmy’s suicide dive is cut off by a kick to the head though and we take a break. Back with Nakamura knocking Jimmy down again but Jey jumps Boogs before Kinshasa can launch. The distraction lets Jimmy hit a superkick for two so Jey goes after the guitar. That distraction lets Nakamura hit a spinning kick to the head, setting up Kinshasa for the pin at 8:36.

Rating: C-. It’s not a good sign when you need to go double interference and the fact that it’s a singles match to set up a tag match at the pay per view. This is one of WWE’s most overdone tropes and I’m not sure why it is supposed to be impressive. Nakamura is a former multiple time singles champion and a former Royal Rumble winner. Jimmy Uso is a career tag guy with pretty much no notable singles wins. Why is this an accomplishment for Nakamura?

Raw Rebound, focusing on Kevin Owens as Steve Austin.

Brock Lesnar is eating Roman Reigns’ grapes and breaking his bottle of champagne.

Shad Gaspard is receiving the Warrior Award at the Hall of Fame.

Drew McIntyre could take out Happy Corbin tonight but he’d rather do it on the biggest stage of them all.

Video on Happy Corbin’s fall and rise back up to the top of the world. Then he joined up with Madcap Moss and took out Drew McIntyre, leading to their Wrestlemania match.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ridge Holland

Hold on though, as Kofi has a surprise: Holland is facing the returning Xavier Woods! The fact that Woods was introduced as accompanying Kofi to the ring might take away some of the surprise.

King Woods vs. Ridge Holland

Sheamus and Butch are here too. Holland throws him around to start and gets small packaged for the pin at 46 seconds. Ok then.

Paul Heyman joins us from Roman Reigns’ car after a trip to Del Frisco’s Steakhouse. They’re on their way here and know what Brock Lesnar has done. Threats are made if Lesnar isn’t out of there.

Here’s Ronda Rousey for a chat but first we recap her recent issues with Charlotte. Rousey says she isn’t taking Charlotte’s title, because after Charlotte taps, she can give the title over. Then she’ll be the “Women’s Smackdown Champion.” Rousey: “Why do we have to say women anyway? Call me the Smackdown Champion”.

She calls Charlotte out, but here is Charlotte via satellite to say she isn’t here tonight. Rousey says she broke her first arm at 14 and now she has lost count of how many she has broken. Charlotte laughs it off so Rousey threatens to take her arm off at Wrestlemania. As usual, Rousey is not the most natural speaker.

Kayla Braxton comes in to see Brock Lesnar and asks if he should leave Roman Reigns’ locker room. Lesnar says go find Reigns because he is running out of things to break.

Ricochet vs. Humberto

Championship Contenders match. Angel is here with Humberto for the Los Lotharios Kiss Cam and it takes some time for them to find a woman to kiss. We take a break before the match and come back with…this.

Ricochet vs. Angel

Yes they changed the match during the commercial, because WWE likes to do weird things. Angel starts fast but gets set into the corner, allowing Ricochet to nip up. A jumping knee sets up a high crossbody but Humberto offers a distraction, allowing Angel to small package him for the pin at 2:03.

Post match Ricochet says not so fast so let’s do this too.

Ricochet vs. Humberto

Championship Contenders match. Ricochet isn’t playing this time and knocks Humberto outside, setting up the big running flip dive to send us to a break. Back with Ricochet hitting a springboard hurricanrana, setting up a middle rope moonsault. Angel’s distraction lets Humberto roll him up for two but Ricochet rolls some suplexes for two. Angel pulls Humberto out of the way of the 630 so Ricochet hits a big dive to wipe Angel out. That sends Angel underneath the ring so Ricochet hits a tornado DDT on the floor. Then Angel grabs the foot and Ricochet is counted out at 7:03.

Rating: D+. Well that’s to be expected. Since there is absolutely no other way to set up a title match than by having the champ lose twice in ten minutes, here we are. Ricochet couldn’t just say he wanted a challenge, have both of them come out, and then say sure I’ll do it. No, that would be too interesting and make him look too good. This is the best idea that they had and that says a lot.

Austin Theory runs up behind Pat McAfee and slaps his headset off. McAfee gives chase but Theory runs into Mr. McMahon’s office, leaving McAfee slapping the door. Shouldn’t McAfee have tripped on the way there and then paid a janitor for messing something up? Seems how most good guys are on this show.

We hear about HHH’s in-ring career being over, which is rather sobering given how close to death he was.

Sasha Banks vs. Rhea Ripley vs. Carmella vs. Queen Zelina

All of their partners are here too. Banks and Ripley clear the ring to start and Rhea hits the Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog. Everyone, including partners, get inside for a big brawl and we take a break. Back with the partners all gone and Baszler saving banks from the Prism Trap. Zelina comes in and covers all three for two each but gets pulled into the Bank Statement.

Baszler tries another save so it’s a double Bank Statement with Ripley having to make a save. Banks has to save Ripley from the Kirifuda Clutch, leaving Baszler to save Banks from Zelina’s Code Red. With Baszler on the floor, Ripley hits a flip dive but Vega takes Ripley out as well. Back in and the Bank Statement makes Vega tap at 8:48.

Rating: C. The champ loses again because that’s how you set up title matches around here. This was another match where everyone was doing stuff until one of them got the pin, which is somehow supposed to make me want to see these four teams in a match at Wrestlemania. It didn’t do so in particular, and I doubt it will either on Raw when the other four do the same thing.

Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman arrive. Heyman says he’s worried but Reigns says he’ll be fine. Reigns: “But Brock Lesnar won’t.”

We run down the Wrestlemania card.

Here are Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman for the big final chat. Reigns says Brock Lesnar better be out of his locker room so we cut to said locker room, where Lesnar is nowhere to be found. We cut to the parking lot, where Lesnar has a PICKAXE to smash up Reigns’ car. Reigns says there won’t be any weapons at Wrestlemania, so Lesnar comes to the ring.

Cue Lesnar through the crowd to stare at Reigns from the announcers’ table. Security comes out so Lesnar grabs a chair and dives onto the guards. Reigns and Heyman (plus the Usos, who just appeared) bail so Lesnar beats up security some more. Reigns pops up on screen and promises to make Lesnar acknowledge him at Wrestlemania.

This was one of the most frustrating endings to a show I have seen in a long time. The segment was good, as have been most of the Lesnar vs. Reigns showdowns. What makes it frustrating is that WWE knows how to make a match feel important but they would rather just focus on this one match than anything else on the show. They have intentionally made Wrestlemania a one match show and it has been such a huge part of what is wrong with this year’s show.

Overall Rating: D. I don’t remember the last time I was this annoyed at a WWE show and everything turned on those Ricochet matches. This show felt like it was either actively trying to make everyone (save Lesnar) I’m supposed to cheer for at Wrestlemania look like a loser or trying to make every match as uninteresting as possible. Lesnar vs. Reigns might as well be the whole show and WWE continues to use the same tropes they have used for years to weaker and weaker impact. This show got on my nerves in a big way and that is not a good sign eight days before the biggest weekend of the year.

Results
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Jimmy Uso – Kinshasa
King Woods b. Ridge Holland – Small package
Angel b. Ricochet – Rollup
Humberto b. Ricochet via countout
Sasha Banks b. Queen Zelina, Shayna Baszler and Rhea Ripley – Bank Statement to Vega

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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