Hulk Hogan Mixtape
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper, Bruno Sammartino, Larry Zbyszko, Gordon Solie, Dusty Rhodes, Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Gene Okerlund

Well they had to do this. The Mixtapes have mainly featured the biggest and/or most beloved stars in company history and Hogan is WWE mega royalty. These things are absolutely random, with all kinds of matches, promos and segments. The best part is that they often avoid the most well known stuff so it’s almost four hours of less than remembered content. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hulk Hogan’s bouncing chest before he talks about being ready to face Hercules. He’s checked Hercules out and yes he has a body of a god. Hercules even looks like the real one (Huh?) but Hogan has been hanging out in the Garden of Eden with his main squeeze Eve and going 20,000 leagues under the sea. This is where the power lies, meaning the palm of his hand. Hercules has Bobby Heenan with him and that’s nothing new to Hogan, who has beaten everyone Heenan has thrown at him. This is where the power lies (I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere before).

From Summerslam 1990, a show I’ve seen about 1,483 times.

Hulk Hogan vs. Earthquake

Big Boss Man is in one corner and Dino Bravo/Jimmy Hart are in the other. This is a big return for Hogan after Earthquake put him out of action (to film Suburban Commando, so we owe Earthquake a thank you). Earthquake shoves him down a few times and drops him with a shoulder, sending Hogan outside for a chat with Boss Man (who flat out tells him to rake the eyes).

Back in and Hogan does rake the eyes but tries a slam, because that has worked so well for him over the years. Hogan gets sent into the corner but comes right back with some shots to the face, including a running right hand which has Hogan all staggered. The big wind up right hand puts him down (which is all the more impressive when Hogan winds up counter clockwise and then punches clockwise, which…my head huts).

Everything breaks down and the seconds come in, with Hogan and Boss Man hitting some double big boots (the referee doesn’t mind) but Bravo is back with a double slam to drop Hogan. The big elbow gives Earthquake two and he stomps on the fingers to make it worse. We hit the Boston crab (making Hogan tap, which means nothing in 1990 but it’s still a weird visual) and Hogan tries to push out before realizing he’s right next to the rope. Ever the genius, Hogan rolls outside right in front of Bravo, who gives him a slam.

Back in and Earthquake misses the big elbow and Hogan shows his brilliance again by trying, and failing at, a slam. Earthquake grabs the bearhug and Hogan grabs at the referee for some reason, even tearing his shirt. The right hands get Hogan out of trouble and some running shoulders stagger Earthquake. A crossbody of all things is countered into the powerslam, allowing Hogan to do his fish out of water twitching.

A pair of Earthquakes connect…and it’s Hulk Up time, with the fans getting right back into things. Earthquake hammers away and I think you know where this is going (as you’ve probably seen the match before). The big boot staggers Earthquake and a good slam puts him down for the legdrop. Hart comes in for the save and gets thrown at Earthquake as Boss Man takes Bravo out. Hogan goes outside with Earthquake where Hart misses the Megaphone shot. Another slam puts Earthquake onto (not through) a table (yes the show is in Philadelphia) for the countout at 13:17.

Rating: C+. This was all about Hogan’s big return and I’d call that a success, with the fans going coconuts for his usual stuff. Hogan has a reputation of mainly working with monsters and Earthquake is one of the best he ever faced. That was the case here, as Earthquake could move both himself and Hogan around while still looking imposing. The ending is a bit strange as it was designed to set up rematches at house shows, which is hardly what you expect in a high profile match like this. It’s not a great match, but it was all about the reaction from the fans and that worked.

Post match Earthquake chokes Hogan and Boss Man’s chair shots just annoy him. With that not working, Boss Man throws the chair down and whips out the nightstick for a big spin, which sends the villains running (probably the coolest thing Boss Man ever did in his career, as that just looked awesome).

Hogan introduces us to his parents and says he’s the same person he was growing up because of them. And then we have to do another take, complete with Gene getting makeup redone in between.

From I believe Championship Wrestling, August 20, 1980.

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant

Freddie Blassie is here with Hogan. They lock up and Andre shoves him around without much trouble, though Hogan shoves him right back into another corner. That just earns Hogan a boot to the chest but he easily slams Andre. Another slam plants Hogan right back and a big boot sets up the missed splash. Hogan bails outside and Blassie loads up his elbow pad, which is enough to knock Andre silly. The pad is unloaded as Andre is bleeding…and Hogan and Blassie just leave at about 3:45.

Rating: C+. This had some cool visuals, of course including the slam, which is bizarre to see on an official WWE release from before Wrestlemania III, but it felt like it was there to set up a bigger rematch. Hogan certainly had a lot of his stuff down here, though dang it’s weird seeing him as a heel. That being said, he ticked off Andre and that is about the dumbest thing anyone can ever do.

Post match Andre yells a lot.

We get a quick outtake from an NWO vignette, with Hogan and the Outsiders laughing at how long the interview has gone.

From WCW Worldwide in February/March 1995.

Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage vs. Pretty Wonderful

Hogan and Orndorff start things off with some running shoulders putting Orndorff down. It’s off to Savage to work on Roma’s arm and Hogan even gets in a middle rope ax handle. A cheap shot from behind takes Savage down though and Orndorff hammers away in the corner. Hogan’s attempt at a save just causes more double teaming, further proving that Hogan is a terrible partner.

The double teaming keeps Savage down and Roma gets some near falls. Savage finally fights up and brings in Hogan, who cleans house like he’s Hulk Hogan beating up Paul Roma. The big boot (a size 12 according to Solie, which astounds me that I have bigger feet than Hogan) and legdrop finish Roma at 7:23.

Rating: C. Normally I would say the match was what you would expect, but who would have expectations for the Mega Powers vs. Pretty Wonderful? It’s such a random tag match and while Hogan was very different than what he was doing in his glory days, there is always something to be seen when he faces Orndorff. Roma being there to take the pin is…well pretty much exactly what you would expect.

Hogan does a photo shoot in 2002. Dang that Undisputed Title looked awesome.

We go to the Dungeon Of Doom where the Master and Kevin Sullivan sense Hogan getting closer. Hogan falls through a wall into the Dungeon and realizes there are no Hulkamaniacs here and he’s never been here before. The water isn’t even hot! Hogan goes over to the Master and Sullivan and explains the members of their team. Sullivan threatens to destroy Hulkamania and a wall explodes, with the Giant coming out to choke Hogan down.

From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, December 15, 1985.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Terry Funk

Hogan is defending and steals Funk’s cowboy hat to start. The hat is thrown down and Hogan (in blue trunks and boots for a change) drops some elbows on it as Funk talks to Jimmy Hart. Funk runs away again before getting back inside, where Hogan knocks him into the corner without much trouble.

Funk goes outside again and this time picks up the megaphone, which doesn’t work that well. Back in and Funk chops away on the ropes but gets clotheslined out onto the announcers’ table. Hogan brings him back in and Funk apparently kicks him low, with Hogan heading outside this time. Back in and Funk chokes a bunch, followed by a piledriver for two.

Funk takes him out on the ramp, and Hogan actually Hulks Up out there. They go back inside for a clothesline and elbow to Funk, followed by the big boot (with Monsoon accidentally referring to Hogan as Terry). A suplex is loaded up but Hart trips Hogan, earning himself a big boot. Hogan takes Hart’s boot off and knocks Funk silly (Monsoon: “WHAMMO!”) for the pin to retain at 8:43.

Rating: B-. These two fought a few times and had some good chemistry together, which is at least partially due to Funk being willing to bump like a madman for anyone. Hogan didn’t wrestle people Funk’s size very often and it’s interesting to see him have to change up the offense a bit. Throw in the blue trunks and this was a very different style for him.

Post match Hogan chases Funk off with a chair.

Bill Apter presents Hollywood Hogan with the PWI award for the Most Hated Wrestler Of The Year for 1996 (I’m guessing, as he also won it in 1998). Hogan talks about how the NWO is all about change and he’s hated despite doing so much to put food on the table for so many people over the years. Including Apter.

From New York City, New York, March 24, 1980.

Hulk Hogan vs. Tito Santana

Hogan has Freddie Blassie with him and Santana is a Tag Team Champion. Hogan jumps him with a knee from behind to start and an Oklahoma Stampede (well with a regular slam instead of a powerslam) drops Santana early. Some elbows miss though and Santana fights up with right hands and a dropkick.

Santana works on the arm but Hogan hiptosses him down, setting up the elbow. Hogan knocks him outside and we hit the chinlock back inside. Santana fights up again whips Hogan into the corner, only to get clotheslined back down. A suplex with trunks gives Hogan the pin at 8:13.

Rating: C. This was a very different kind of match than you would see from Hogan but that was due to it being the very early 80s. Santana was already doing his fired up comebacks and knew how to get a crowd going, but Hogan was pretty clearly getting a push here. The lack of a legdrop was certainly weird to see, but this was very, very early Hogan and it showed.

Hulk Hogan runs into Ric Flair, Brie Bella and Jerry Lawler, Pat Patterson (who gets a picture with him and John Cena at a show. Apparently that show is Wrestlemania XXX (I love the RING THIS WAY sign).

We look at Hogan doing a promo in what looks like 1985 but he keeps screwing up his lines.

From Monday Nitro, August 9, 1999.

Hulk Hogan/Goldberg/Sting vs. Sid Vicious/Rick Steiner/Kevin Nash

Hogan is the World Champion and that’s quite the lineup. To make it even bigger, this is Hogan’s return to the Red and Yellow (and to the rather catchy American Made) after more than three years in the black and white. Hogan shoulders Steiner down to start so Steiner grabs a headlock. That doesn’t work for him either as Hogan knocks him down and drops three straight elbows.

Everything breaks down and Hogan beats up all three at once, making me wonder why Sting and Goldberg need to be there. The villains bail out to the floor and now it’s off to Goldberg, who gets to face Nash. The flying shoulder puts Nash down so Sid comes in to choke, only to get kicked down by Sting. A top rope splash hits raised knees though and Sid gets to take over for the first time.

Naturally that’s too much for Sid so it’s back to Nash for the side slam. A turnbuckle pad is ripped off somewhere in there so Nash loads up Snake Eyes, which the referee cuts off. The referee gets bumped so Sting hits some Stinger Splashes into the exposed buckle. Steiner brings in a chair to whack Sting but it gets taken away and Nash is laid out. The Scorpion Deathlock gives Sting the win on the out cold Nash at 8:09.

Rating: B-. In something you don’t hear very often, the crowd carried this so much higher. WCW might not be the most fondly remembered place in this era, but this was a situation where the fans were WAY into what they were seeing. You do not see that from this time and it makes me wonder what might have happened if WCW actually followed up on it, but you know, Russo was the way instead.

Hogan and Randy Savage are at Venice Beach, with Hogan very pleased that Savage has joined the dark side. This is still in 1995, with the two of them promising to get back at the Dungeon Of Doom. A man with a beard is sat between them and seems to agree.

From Huntington, West Virginia, June 15, 1993.

Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

This is a lumberjack match and two days after Hogan lost the WWF Title to Yokozuna at the King Of The Ring. Money Inc. jump them before the bell and are quickly cleared out as Hogan gets to rip the shirt off to Real American. The referee is even fine with ringing the bell while Hogan chokes DiBiase, which has to be a tax violation. Money Inc. is chased to the floor so Jimmy Hart gives Hogan some advice (“Just go to WCW, this isn’t happening.”)

Hogan and DiBiase start things off with Hogan punching his way out of the corner without much trouble. DiBiase is sent outside and gets beaten up by the Steiners, allowing Hogan to grab a chinlock back inside. This allows Afa to caress IRS’ briefcase as Beefcake comes in for a headlock. What looks like a low blow is stopped so it’s off to IRS, who gets headlocked as well. IRS is sent outside for another beating before Hogan comes back in for the running clothesline.

Back up and Hogan is sent outside for a beating from the Headshrinkers, with the Steiners running over for the save (no one saved the villains, showing where the true friendship lies). Back in and the Million Dollar Dream has Hogan in trouble and stays on for such a long time that Hogan should be legally dead. The somehow still alive Hogan gets up and it’s a double clothesline to put them both down. Hogan gets sent outside and then right back inside, where DiBiase gets two thanks to a foot on the rope.

IRS comes in and gets slammed off the top, allowing the rather needed tag off to Beefcake. House is cleaned but Beefcake is sent outside for another group beating. Back in and Beefcake gets punched down for two, with Hogan making the save. A clothesline puts DiBiase down and it’s off to Hogan for the big boot. IRS tries to bring in the briefcase but Hogan takes it away and knocks DiBiase silly for the pin at 14:26.

Rating: C. It was just a post taping dark match with some big stars included in a Wrestlemania rematch. The fans were still going to care about Hogan and it was nice to see him doing something else. At the same time, Hogan and Beefcake weren’t the most thrilling team, mainly because Beefcake could not have been more of a warm body next to Hogan rather than an important part of the team.

Post match the lumberjacks all get in the ring for the brawl, with Hogan being left alone with Giant Gonzalez. Ever the nice guys, Hogan’s friends all stand on the floor and Hogan bails from Gonzalez without throwing a single punch. And this was never mentioned again, as Hogan wouldn’t return to TV before going to Hollywood.

To the AWA! Hogan talks about how he can beat the Heenan Family on his own. He knows he can take the title from Nick Bockwinkel and will wear it around his waist instead of carrying it under his arm like a box of shoes. It doesn’t matter where he has to go, because he will defend the title no matter where he goes in the world. Bockwinkel is only still champion because of Bobby Heenan but he can’t run forever.

From Minneapolis, Minnesota, May 2, 1982.

Hulk Hogan vs. Nick Bockwinkel/Bobby Heenan

Handicap match. Hogan draws a line in the ring and wants Bockwinkel, who is quickly knocked down. Bockwinkel gets shoved into the corner with ease before thinking twice about this. A headlock doesn’t work either as Hogan shoves him away at the “five minute” count. The villains are sent into each other and we pause for a meeting on the floor.

Back in and a shot to the throat and a low blow don’t do much to Hogan, who knocks Bockwinkel away again. Hogan sends him into the corner for the tag off to Heenan but Bockwinkel stays inside. A cheap shot (at the ten minute mark, which is really eight) lets Bockwinkel choke but Hogan reverses for a choke of his own.

The missed charge hits the buckle and now Heenan is willing to come in and stomp away. More choking has Hogan in trouble, with Heenan getting to use a towel for the same. Hogan powers up on the kickout and we start what would become the Hulk Up. Heenan comes off the middle rope with an ax handle and that goes as well as you would expect. Hogan sends them together and drops the leg on Bockwinkel for the 12:19.

Rating: C. This was more of a way to hype up the endless string of title matches between Hogan and Bockwinkel. Hogan pinned him here with the legdrop and he could do it again in a title match. At the same time, the match was pretty basic with a bunch of punching and choking. I was more than a bit surprised that Heenan didn’t take the fall, but this makes more sense.

Post match Hogan beats Heenan up again (no wonder Heenan never liked him) and sends Bockwinkel outside. Heenan gets choked a lot and then tossed over the top as well.

Hollywood Hogan spray paints a wall and explains that the HH are from him.

We get some behind the scenes footage of a Hollywood promo, where he is rather pleased about beating up the Giant and winning the World Title. Now they’re ready for WarGames…and Hogan messes up a line and we have to do it again. In another take, Hogan spray paints a globe to show that the NWO is going to rule the wrestling world. He paints a Hulk Hogan shirt as well and then does the NWO HH signature again. Anything less would be uncivilized. Geez he had some crazy charisma as a villain and it was on display here.

From Monday Nitro, January 19, 1998.

Hollywood Hogan vs. The Giant

Eric Bischoff is here with Hogan but hang on as Hogan has a neck brace. Bischoff says Hogan can’t do this but Giant pulls Hogan over the top and powers him up as the bell rings. Cue Kevin Nash at ringside as Giant slowly knocks him around and chokes in the corner. Giant knocks Hogan up the aisle and then throws him over the top and back inside.

A backbreaker puts Hogan down again but he manages to knock Giant into the corner. With Nash holding the foot, Hogan climbs up and hammers away as the fans keep pointing at the entrance. Hogan hits a running clothesline in the corner and drops the leg…as Randy Savage is here. Well eventually, as he gets up top at about the two count so the referee has to see him and stop. The distraction is enough for Giant to get up and hit a chokeslam for the pin at 5:59.

Rating: C-. Gah I was hoping for the Robin Hood match. The match was rather slow, but the point here was that Hogan lost. Granted it would have been better if he had taken a loss like this about three weeks ago at Starrcade when the loss to Sting needed to be this clean (and this wasn’t exactly clean) but I’ll take what I can get. It’s also not a good sign for the NWO, as the foundation is starting to crack.

We go to 2002 and the Montreal ovation, which just does not stop. If I remember correctly this had to be edited for TV, as it went on for the better part of nine minutes. Hogan’s reaction here is great as you can tell he’s touched.

From Landover, Maryland, July 28, 1984.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff

Hogan is defending and this doesn’t have any commentary and is shot from a camera on the floor rather than a regular setup. Hogan atomic drops him to start and Orndorff bails to the floor. Back in and Hogan sends him into the corner and hits some elbows as this closeup camera work is messing with me. The big boot puts Orndorff down again but he goes to the eyes to cut Hogan off.

The piledriver triggers the Hulk Up but he doesn’t quite have it down yet so Orndorff knocks him back down. Hogan is busted open but Orndorff knocks him into the referee. Now we get the real Hulk Up (with the fans going nuts) and Hogan fights back, as he is known to do. We seem to jump ahead and come back with Hogan holding Orndorff’s foreign object, which the referee sees and calls for the DQ at 6:29 shown (the whole match runs about 12:00).

Rating: C+. These two always worked well together and it was nice to see them again, even if it wasn’t quite in their heyday. Hogan getting DQ’d sets up the rematch, which is probably something that they did all over the place. The match was fine, though nothing that they hadn’t done better a lot. And with these two, it was a lot a lot.

We go to I believe 1989 with Randy Savage promising to take the title from Hogan at their match that night in England (I’m assuming London).

From New York City, New York, January 27, 1986.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

Hogan is defending and Savage has Elizabeth in his corner. Hogan charges in to start but Savage knocks him down and gets in a belt shot, which is fine with the referee (even commentary gets on him about it). A top rope belt shot puts Hogan down again as Savage still has his robe on. Hogan gets in a shot of his own though and even steals Savage’s sunglasses before sending him outside.

Savage gets sent into the post to bust him open and you know Hogan is going to be right there to stay on the cut. Elizabeth offers a distraction though and Savage gets in a cheap shot to knock Hogan outside. That includes a posting for Hogan, setting up Savage’s top rope ax handle.

Back in and another ax handle connects, followed by the big elbow…for two. Dang that still feels weird to see. Hogan fights up (not Hulks Up but fights up) and hits the big boot before cutting Savage off from going to the floor. Instead Hogan sends him outside in a heap but Elizabeth gets in Hogan’s way to prevent a posting. That lets Savage slip away and post Hogan to win by countout at 8:36.

Rating: C+. Much like the Orndorff stuff, these two were always worth a look and it was a fine enough match, even if it was again set up for the rematch. If nothing else, it was always nice to see Savage getting a win over Hogan, which only happened so often. Monsoon freaking out about Elizabeth was funny too as he couldn’t stand managers, including her.

Post match Hogan is livid and grabs a bearhug, with the dream team of Tiger Chung Lee and Mike Sharpe running in to break it up. They’re finally separated before Savage gets in a cheap shot and runs away. Savage would continue his momentum by winning the Intercontinental Title in a few weeks.

Hollywood Hogan has a baseball bat and makes Back To The Future II references. He hit a home run with Nick Bockwinkel and they mock Sting, Lex Luger and Giant. I’m assuming they just let these things go on for such a long time and then just edited them together for the short clips you would see on the broadcast. Anyway, Hogan promises to win the WCW World Title at Hog Wild.

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T. train for Wrestlemania and my goodness these two would be annoying to be around, as they shout all the time and never shut up.

From WCW Worldwide, November 12, 1994.

Hulk Hogan/Sting vs. Bruise Brothers

The Brothers jump them to start but Hogan and Sting fight back. The Stinger Splash and big boot connect, with the Scorpion Deathlock going on and the legdrop getting the pin at 24 seconds. Well that worked. The post match celebration is a lot longer than the match.

Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman shill shirts. Rodman tells him that it’s ok to go make some more movies because Rodman has this stuff.

From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, August 8, 2005, a dark match after Raw.

John Bradshaw Layfield/Kurt Angle/Shawn Michaels vs. Batista/John Cena/Hulk Hogan

This was released on the WWE Vault back in 2024. It’s a brawl at the bell to start and they head outside until we settle down to Batista shouldering Angle in the corner. Angle’s right hands just annoy Batista, who shoves him into the corner, where Angle grabs JBL around the waist in a slightly humorous way.

JBL comes in and backs Batista into the corner, where Batista switches him around for some choking. That’s enough for the tag off to Michaels, who actually knocks Batista into the corner. Batista isn’t having that and brings in Cena to slam Michaels off the top. JBL is back in to clothesline (not Clothesline, but clothesline) Cena to take over, with Angle getting to stomp away. Angle grabs a suplex and points at Hogan before stomping away even more.

Michaels comes in to send Cena outside and threatens to beat up the referee for his lousy attitude. Batista’s attempt at a save means the referee doesn’t see Cena using a small package, allowing JBL to…well have his suplex reversed actually. A sleeper goes on but Cena suplexes his way out again. Hogan comes in to clean house and everything breaks down. JBL makes the mistake of going after Hogan and it’s the big boot into the legdrop for the pin at 11:19.

Rating: C+. Ok so this obviously isn’t about the wrestling, as they were mostly in cruise control out there. That being said, the star power here is absolutely off the charts, with JBL, a World Champion and Hall Of Famer, a distant last in that category. You do not see lineups like this very often and it felt special, or at least really cool. It’s a fun thing to see and they probably did this at a lot of Raw’s to blow the fans’ minds.

Believe it or not, the winners celebrate for a long time.

At SuperBrawl V, Hogan is ready for Vader. Gene Okerlund is worried for him but Hogan insists that he’s ready to go even if it means playing possum. Jimmy Hart will be keeping an eye on Ric Flair too.

We get some footage of Hogan training with I believe the co-star of No Holds Barred, who isn’t quite as good in the gym.

We get a quick look at a Hogan/Zeus showdown in No Holds Barred.

From Boston, Massachusetts, June 6, 1987.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Harley Race

Race, with Bobby Heenan, is challenging in a Texas Deathmatch. Hogan jumps him to start fast and they go outside, with Race being sent into the barricade and chaired in the head. Heenan gets chases off so Hogan can choke with tape, only to get kicked low. A falling headbutt on the floor has Hogan in more trouble and they get inside for the first time.

Race hits a piledriver and drops some knees for two so they head outside again. Hogan gets sent into the barricade and gets headbutted as Race slows things back down. Another knee drop gets another two but Hogan reverses a suplex into one of his own. Race chokes him right back down and they go through the entrance, with the curtain being knocked down. Back in and Race chokes him down again and goes up top, only for Hogan to grab the belt and block a headbutt. Another belt shot retains the title at 9:55.

Rating: B-. These two always worked well together, but it was kind of a mess with the belt being brought in at the end. The Texas Deathmatch rules weren’t exactly defined, though anything getting more hardcore around this time was a cool thing to see. Hogan got to mix it up a bit here and of course Race could work with anyone so this was a nice little addition.

Hogan was excited before going into the Hall Of Fame. He does tease getting back in the ring though. For some reason, his mustache looks extra wide here.

We get what looks to be a clip from after Raw, with Hogan doing a People’s Elbow to Scott Hall. This might be the night after Wrestlemania as they have a Canadian flag as well.

We get a vignette for Fall Brawl 1995 and WarGames, with Vader on the team before leaving for the WWF and being replaced by Lex Luger.

We get a sitdown interview with Gene Okerlund from 1991, with Hogan talking about having to deal with Ric Flair, who has signed with the WWF. Hogan talks about his daughter Brooke seeing him win the WWF Title at Wrestlemania and not understanding why Flair has his own title. He knows Flair is great but he wants to know how great. I’d like to know why this was mostly shot from behind Hogan, as it’s a weird visual.

From Halloween Havoc 1994.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

Flair, with Sherri, is challenging in a cage and it’s title/career vs. career (how fair) with Mr. T. as guest referee. They actually lower the cage once they’re in the ring and, because WCW, it doesn’t go on straight at first. Heenan sounds almost in tears to start as Flair’s career could be over. Hogan starts with a backdrop and right hands in the corner but Mr. T. actually breaks it up and shoves him away.

This lets Heenan get in a rant about how Flair earned his status and Hogan got here by being nice to kids and the elderly (Heenan: “MAKES ME SICK!”). Flair starts going after the leg to put Hogan down and Mr. T. shoves Flair as well. Flair’s snapmare takes Hogan down as Muhammad Ali is watching in the front row. Hogan fights back and rams him head first into the cage, giving us a Flair Flop. Hogan’s choke with the shirt is broken up by Mr. T. and they shove each other some more, sending Heenan into yet another rant.

Flair goes back to the knee and grabs a rather delayed vertical suplex. Back up and they chop it out before going up top, where Flair gets crotched. A small package gives Hogan two and he hits a big backdrops, followed by the ram into the cage. Flair’s head is raked into the cage and Hogan pounds away, sending Flair bailing over the top. That earns him more rams into the cage and another crotching on top. Hogan stops to do the hand to the ear, which is the kind of playing to the crowd that kept the fans behind him (Sting would do the same kind of stuff).

Flair is able to get in a shot to the knee though and the shinbreaker has Hogan in trouble. The kneepad is taken down and Flair crashes down onto the leg, followed by the Figure Four. That’s turned over and broken up, with Mr. T. getting bumped. Flair hits a belly to back suplex but there’s no referee, with Hogan’s kickout sending Flair onto Mr. T. again. Sherri tries to climb in and Jimmy Hart pulls her…well her skirt down.

Sting cuts Sherri off again but the Masked Man pops out from underneath the ring to beat up Sting and Hart with a lead pipe. Sherri comes off of the cage with an ax handle to Hogan. Flair gets in another shot to the knee and Sherri handcuffs Mr. T. to the rope. Hogan is sent head first into the Masked Man’s pipe and Flair beats on Mr. T.

There’s another suplex but Hogan Hulks Up and clotheslines Sherri and Flair. Sherri gets tossed off the top and Flair goes up, only to get knocked down for the third time. A big boot puts Sherri down and Hogan Hulks Up again, including the big boot. Heenan: “NOT THE LEG! NOT THE LEG!” Hogan drops the leg to retain the title at 19:26.

Rating: C+. Well that was….a lot. You had about five people interfering, a cage and Mr. T. as a terrible referee (who kept getting in the way and then had to be handcuffed so he wouldn’t screw anything else up). By the end, it felt like they were just doing the same stuff over and over to fill in time. Hogan and Flair can work a good match pretty much in their sleep but this was about five minutes longer than it needed to be and it hurt things a good bit.

Muhammad Ali presents Hogan with the title as Heenan is in tears.

Overall Rating: C. Maybe it’s the amount of Hogan I’ve seen over the years, but I was kind of bored by this whole thing. There were a few nice rarities, mainly of Hogan in pre-NWO tag matches in WCW and a few matches here and there, but nothing really stood out. Rather than some kind of awesome look at his career, this felt more like a bunch of DVD extras after you watched all of the good stuff on the main feature. Like, the Flair and Savage matches are fine but how many times can you see those two go after Hogan before it stops being must see stuff? Hogan worked with just about everyone from his era, but this was a lot of mediocre at best stuff.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XIII
Date: March 23, 1997
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 18,197
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The advertised main event this year is the Undertaker challenging Sid for the WWF World Title. This isn’t the biggest match in the world but then again this isn’t the biggest Wrestlemania in the world. That’s the underlying problem with this show: it feels like any other show instead of the biggest night of the year. This was a strange period where Wrestlemania wasn’t being treated as the company’s grand showcase but that would change soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Free For All: Billy Gunn vs. Flash Funk

Funk is better known as 2 Cold Scorpio and is a very skilled high flier. Billy is on his own now and isn’t all that interesting as a solo cowboy. Gunn starts fast but Funk flips out of a backdrop and scores with a superkick. A bad looking belly to back superplex drops Funk again and a clothesline gets a very sloppy two.

The announcers ignore the match to talk about Austin vs. Hart and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Gunn misses a top rope legdrop, allowing Funk to hit a spinwheel kick for two. Funk gets the same off a top rope victory roll but his moonsault hits knees. Billy comes back with a tornado DDT for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t very good. Gunn was such a lame character on his own and it would only get worse soon after this as he would become Rockabilly for several months. Funk was at least entertaining with his high flying even though his career in the WWF never went anywhere. Boring match.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania but this isn’t quite the same thing. That’s very true as this one wasn’t even a sellout. We hear about the spirit of rebellion in the air and Austin vs. Bret is discussed after the main event.

Godwinns vs. New Blackjacks vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Headbangers

This is a four team elimination match with the winners getting a Tag Team Title shot the next night on Monday Night Raw. The Blackjacks are Bradshaw and Barry Windham, Furnas and LaFon are a Canadian team who aren’t the most interesting guys in the world and the Headbangers are….different. They wear skirts and slam into each other in what is considered dancing. Before the match the Blackjacks say they’re riding again (the original team hadn’t been around for about twenty years. Of note, Windham is the son of Blackjack Mulligan and Bradshaw is the nephew of Blackjack Lanza) in a quick interview.

It’s a huge brawl to start as you would expect until it’s Henry vs. Bradshaw. The Godwinn get the better of it but Thrasher is quickly in, only to get planted with a pumphandle slam. Phineas comes in to beat on Thrasher even more before he tags out to Mosh, giving us Headbanger vs. Headbanger.

That goes nowhere so it’s off to Windham vs. Furnas (an incredible powerhouse) with the latter pulling off a hurricanrana, only to get caught in a powerslam for no cover. Bradshaw comes in and falls to the floor with Furnas but Bradshaw shoves the referee down for the DQ and an elimination. Furnas and LaFon are counted out as well, meaning it’s down to the Godwinns vs. the Headbangers.

Phineas works over throws Thrasher around and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. It’s back to Henry who is sent into the buckle, followed by an awkward exchange where Thrasher seemed to forget to raise his boot in the corner. Phineas comes in to spit in Thrasher’s face (which Vince says Phineas does to farm animals, much to Lawler’s confusion) but it’s quickly off to Mosh vs. Henry with the big man scoring with a Cactus Clothesline.

Mosh dives off the apron to take Henry down and this just keeps going. Commenting on the Headbangers’ attire, Lawler asks if Vince has any White Zombie CDs. Vince: “White……Zombie?” Back in and Thrasher misses a moonsault, allowing the tag to Phineas for some house cleaning. Thrasher breaks up the Slop Drop and Mosh hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin and the title shot at 10:39.

Rating: D. The wrestling was sloppy, the teams had no issues coming in and the double elimination felt really cheap. This was one of the worst possible ideas for an opening match as it started bad and never got any better. Just not a very good match as it went longer than it needed to and didn’t change the fact that this division is still lacking.

In Your House XIV ad.

Brian Pillman and Sunny tell us to CALL THE HOTLINE!

Intercontinental Title: The Sultan vs. Rocky Maivia

Honky Tonk Man is out on commentary in his quest for a new protege. Rocky is defending (after beating Hunter Hearst Helmsley to win the title a little over a month ago in a big upset) and Sultan is just a Middle Eastern monster played by the future Rikishi and managed by Bob Backlund and the Iron Sheik. Rocky starts fast with some right hands and a dropkick to send Sultan out to the floor.

Sultan throws him into the post to take over as the crowd is noticeably not interested. Back in and a hard clothesline gets two on the champ and we’re in the nerve hold. Oh sweet goodness not this again. Honky Tonk says he’d have already won with the Shake Rattle and Roll and be in the back combing his hair. Sultan’s top rope headbutt gets two and it’s time for a chinlock.

The fans are rightfully bored and restless as this hold continues. Rocky makes his comeback with some open handed punches and a belly to belly for two as the fans still don’t seem interested. The high cross body (Rocky’s finisher) connects but Sheik has the referee. A great looking superkick (he always had a good one) takes the champ down and a piledriver gets two. Rocky comes right back with a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:43.

Rating: D-. This one was less bad and much more dull with the chinlock in the middle killing anything they could have gotten out of it. Rocky would of course get way better but he didn’t have a character or anywhere near the charisma that he would have in the future. That leaves you with a dull match against a one note challenger which isn’t something you want to do after a lame opener.

Post match Sultan, Sheik and Backlund destroy Rocky but his dad Rocky Johnson comes in for the save and house is cleaned.

Ken Shamrock, the former UFC Champion and the guest referee for the submission match, promises to not be intimidated.

Dok Hendrix (better known as Michael P.S. Hayes and with a very loud echo for some reason) asks Helmsley about his relationship with newcomer Chyna. Helmsley says Hendrix doesn’t need to know about it and tonight he’s taking Goldust out straight up. Marlena better be watching out too.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Helmsley has taken a major step up in the last year as he’s a lot more serious though still far away from what he would become. This started a few months ago when Helmsley made a pass at Marlena. Goldust went after Helmsley but Chyna debuted and attacked Marlena to continue the feud. Goldust is now good but still a bit out there as he crouches down and stares at Hunter before exploding with right hands. He makes sure to spit down at Chyna who as usual doesn’t flinch.

Helmsley gets clotheslined out to the floor as Lawler accuses Vince of wearing a toupee. More right hands are followed by a ram into the post and this is one sided so far. Hunter’s facebuster only gives him a temporary reprieve as Goldust scores with a nice powerslam. With all the momentum, Goldust goes up top but gets thrown down onto the floor in a huge crash to completely change momentum. Things slow way down as they should when the villain is in control and Goldust’s clothes are partially removed for the second year in a row.

Hunter puts on an abdominal stretch to slow things down even more as Marlena puffs on a cigar. Off to a chinlock with Helmsley’s arm not actually making contact with Goldust’s throat. A suplex gets two on Goldust and a DDT gets the same. Back up and Goldust’s comeback is stopped as they ram heads to make the match drag again. Goldust loads up the Curtain Call (reverse suplex slam) but Chyna goes after Marlena, allowing the Pedigree to put Goldust away at 13:17.

Rating: D+. I’ve never liked this match or feud but I guess it’s an improvement as they had a longer and worse match at the Royal Rumble. These two fought each other for the first half of 1997 and it never took off. Helmsley just wasn’t entertaining at this point as he had such a slow paced offense and Goldust wasn’t really the kind of person who was going to be able to help him to a new level here. It’s not a horrible match but it’s really boring, especially after an awful first hour.

Marc Mero and Sable pitch Wrestlemania shirts. Well ok it’s mainly Sable but Mero is there too.

Shawn Michaels can’t figure out AOL.

Tag Team Titles: Mankind/Vader vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

All villains here. Hart and Bulldog are defending and Mankind and Vader have Paul Bearer in their corner after Bearer turned on Undertaker at Summerslam 1996. The champs have been having issues for months and Owen recently said he was smarter than Bulldog, who is also European Champion, having beaten Owen in a tournament final to become the inaugural champion.

Vader powers Owen into the corner to start and pummels him with right hands. A splash misses but Owen tries a hurricanrana and is easily powerbombed down. Heaven help this team if he’s the smarter one. Everything breaks down and Bulldog throws the challenger around before staying in to headbutt Mankind. Bulldog suplexes both of them in an awesome power display (he was always great at those) and we hit the chinlock on Mankind.

They head outside with Vader nailing Bulldog in the back of the head with the urn to take over. Now it’s Vader’s turn for a middle rope splash, followed by a running knee to the head from Mankind. Vader dives into a powerslam (a very common spot for him) and the tag brings in Owen, who the fans don’t cheer because he’s a heel. Hart avoids a sitdown splash and cross bodies Vader, only to run into a heavy clothesline to give the challengers control again. Owen gets beaten down in front of his parents in the front row and Lawler has a ball with his jokes.

Mankind blocks a splash with his knees as the announcers discuss the history of the WWF in this building, including a Wrestling Classic reference. A nice spinwheel kick puts Vader down to no response but he breaks up Owen’s tag attempt. Mankind follows Owen to the floor but charges into a belly to belly. The hot tag finally brings in Bulldog to clean house, even knocking Vader’s mask off. The powerslam is countered by the Mandible Claw though and they fall outside for the double countout at 16:04.

Rating: C-. That’s the best match of the night by far and it’s really more long than good. Mankind and Vader probably should have taken the titles here, even if it was just for a quick title reign before Owen and Bulldog got them back. They had held the titles for months now and it was time to freshen the division up a bit.

Mankind won’t let go of the hold for a bit but the challengers eventually leave, far too happy about a double countout draw.

We get a long recap of Hart vs. Austin. This is all about Austin having no respect for anything Bret Hart has done in the WWF and letting his venom flow through the company. Austin has been winning the mental game too as Bret has started completely snapping, going on hateful tirades about how everyone has screwed him over and how it’s everyone else that has changed. Bret’s entire legacy rides on him being able to defeat Steve Austin and regain the fans’ respect in this one match.

This is one of the greatest stories ever told in wrestling as the details (costing Bret the title, the Royal Rumble etc) are all secondary to the underlying theme: Bret being unable to hold on to the past and not accepting this new reality. Austin embodied the rebellious nature and it made for a perfect dynamic with the traditionalist Bret. As great as the stories were, the matches were even better and made the feud one of the best ever.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Submission match with Ken Shamrock refereeing. Austin has a famous entrance as a wall of glass saying AUSTIN 3:16 breaks and he walks through the broken pieces. The fans are split here but it seems to be more pro-Bret coming in. They slug it out to start and are on the floor very quickly. Austin is sent face first into the post but he crotches Bret across the barricade and clotheslines him into the crowd.

Bret gets whipped into some hockey boards but he fights back and they head deeper into the fans. A backdrop gets Bret out of a piledriver as you can barely see anything at the moment. Back to ringside with Bret in control and the fans completely into something for the first time all night. Austin reverses a whip to send Bret into the steps but Hart grabs a swinging neckbreaker to get a breather back inside.

Vince is already treating Bret like the heel on commentary, wondering what kind of excuse Bret will have if he loses. It’s time to work on Austin’s eternally damaged knee with a leg snap and some cannonballs off the ropes. He misses another cannonball though and Austin grabs the Stunner out of nowhere. No covers though so Bret gets up and kicks the knee out again.

The Figure Four around the post has Austin screaming but he doesn’t give up. Lawler: “Bret can twist that leg until it looks like the Chicago White Sox’s Robin Ventura but Austin won’t submit.” Bret grabs a chair but can’t Pillmanize the leg, allowing Austin to get in a great chair shot to knock Hart off the top. The fans are losing it for Austin here and you can see the future right in front of your eyes.

Austin’s middle rope elbow, complete with two middle fingers, has Bret in even more trouble. JR is on fire here as he talks about how this is all about respect and emotion instead of covering a bald spot (shot at Hogan) or your reputation. Unfortunately Vince is there to bring it back down to dull, unemotional commentary that sounds like a high school chemistry teacher trying to be funny.

Austin goes for a submission by laying on his back, wrapping his leg around Bret’s head and pulling back on his arm (it’s hard to put into words) before going for a standard Boston crab, only to have Hart make it to the ropes. Austin can’t get a Sharpshooter on Bret (Lawler: “Wouldn’t that be great? Seeing Bret submit to the Sharpshooter?” Vince: “Hey, it could happen.”) so he sends him outside instead. A hard whip sends Austin into the barricade, wiping out a bunch of commentators and busting him open.

Bret sends him into other metal objects and sweet goodness Austin is spewing blood. Hart pounds away on the cut and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom. That’s enough wrestling though and Bret starts driving the chair into Austin’s bad knee. JR again goes into his full on excitement mode before Bret hammers away in the corner. Austin isn’t interested in wrestling either and kicks Bret low. The fans are right back into this and Austin is fired up. He stomps one heck of a mudhole in the corner, flips Bret off, and stomps him again.

A nice superplex plants Bret again and Austin chokes him with an electrical cord, only to have Bret grab the bell to knock Austin out. That’s a very nice callback to Wrestlemania VIII where Piper wouldn’t give into the demons but Bret easily did. The Sharpshooter goes on and the blood is flowing out of Austin’s head in one of the most famous shots in wrestling (As Austin would later say on his podcast: “That’s an image that sold a lot of t-shirts.”). A loud Austin chant starts up and he powers out of the hold as the blood drips down between his teeth but Bret gets it back on and Austin passes out to end the match at 22:03.

Rating: A+. Good grief this match is amazing. This is the match that turned Austin into the biggest star of all time and the moment where the WWF had the Monday Night Wars won. It would take time, but Austin was clearly going to be the hottest thing ever and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

That’s the key to the whole match and a great piece of symbolism: Bret could not stop Austin and only slowed him down. No matter what Bret did, he couldn’t make Austin quit, even after he gave in to the dark side. This is on the short list for the greatest match of all time and certainly one of the best Wrestlemania matches ever. In case you somehow haven’t seen this, go out of your way to watch it at some point because it’s one of the best and most important matches of all time.

Bret is still livid and stomps away even more until Shamrock (who wasn’t a factor in the match) breaks it up and offers to fight. Hart leaves and is booed out of the building as Austin has pulled himself to the corner. Austin pulls his way up and Stuns the referee for trying to help him. He very slowly limps to the back with no help, receiving thunderous cheers from the crowd. A star has been born and everyone knows it. Even the announcers put him over as the toughest man they’ve ever seen.

The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Savio Vega and Crush plus an army of unnamed men, many of whom were actors there to make the Nation look even bigger. That’s actually a very smart idea and not something I’ve seen since.) promises that it’s going to be a fight against the Legion of Doom and Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed had feuded with the Nation for months now and this is one of their many showdowns.

Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson

This is a Chicago Street Fight and the Nation has brought out a bunch of weapons to use. Ahmed has a 2×4 and Hawk brings a kitchen sink for the sake of completeness. The LOD seems even more fired up than usual to be in their hometown. It’s a brawl to start of course and thankfully there are no tags required here. The good guys clean house to start and the yet to be named D’Lo Brown, JC Ice and Wolfie D. (the rappers who perform the Nation’s theme song) are slammed down to the floor.

Ahmed dives over the barricade to take Crush out as this is rapidly turning into a match that is impossible to call. Hawk swings a 2×4 at Savio but hits the ropes, sending the board into the air, only to have Hawk make a nice catch to send Savio running again. Animal tries to piledrive Faarooq through the French announcers’ table but they fall to the side instead. Instead Animal sprays him with a fire extinguisher and things slow down a bit until Ahmed slams Faarooq through the French table.

Animal beats the fire out of Savio with a trashcan but the fire extinguisher goes off again to blind everyone. The Nation puts a noose around Ahmed’s throat to hang him over the ropes but Hawk comes back with a double clothesline. Faarooq tries to choke Hawk with the noose until he gets pulled off the top rope for a big crash. The brawling continues until Crush gets caught in a quick Doomsday Device, followed by a 2×4 shot to give Animal the pin at 10:43.

Rating: B. It’s the definition of a garbage brawl but these guys beat the fire out of each other the entire time and gave us one heck of an entertaining brawl, especially in the death slot after the submission match. This was really fun and that’s all it needed to be with the fans going nuts over seeing the LOD dominant and violent one more time.

JC Ice and Wolfie D. take a double Doomsday Device after the match.

In Your House XIV ad.

There’s no recap for the main event but there isn’t much of a story to tell. Sid took the title from Bret when Austin interfered and Undertaker has been in the title hunt for a long time now. This was originally going to be Bret taking the title from Shawn to get his win back from last year but Shawn lost his smile just in time for the match to not take place. That’s very convenient no?

Shawn Michaels comes out for commentary, taking his sweet time to soak in all the cheers.

Sid says he isn’t scared of the darkness.

WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

Sid is defending and gets the very cool name in lights fireworks display. The bell rings and here’s Bret Hart (Shawn: “Imagine that: Bret being resentful about not being in the main event.”) to insult Shawn for faking an injury, tell Undertaker that they’re no longer friends, and tell Sid that he’s a fraud as champion. Sid just smiles and powerbombs Bret before telling the crybaby to hop along. There’s a second bell and we’re ready to go.

Undertaker pounds away to start and hits an early Old School, only to get caught in a bearhug. The hold stays on for nearly two minutes as Lawler and Michaels bicker for a bit. Shawn asks if you can actually squeeze the life out of Undertaker. Sid boots Undertaker in the face and kicks him over the announcers’ table as this is dragging along.

A slam turns the table over but Undertaker is right back to his feet and they go inside with Vince mentioning that this was turned into a No DQ match earlier today. Not that it really matters but that’s three straight No DQ matches to end the show. Sid pulls back on a camel clutch as Shawn gets in a perfect analysis by saying Sid doesn’t deviate from the power because it takes him everywhere he needs to go. That’s such a perfect lesson that so many people don’t understand.

Sid gets two off a powerslam and the frustration is setting in. Shawn: “Better pound on him some more.” They go outside again with Sid being knocked over the barricade so Undertaker can punch him in the face. Back in and we hit a bad chinlock (read as Undertaker is laying on his back with Sid’s hands on his face) until Undertaker fights up with a powerslam for two.

Now it’s Undertaker with a nerve hold as the crowd is getting restless again. Back up and it’s a double big boot to put both of them down. A middle rope clothesline (more like a fist) gets two for the champ but Undertaker punches him out of the air on the next attempt. Now it’s Undertaker going up top for a clothesline for two of his own. Sid reverses the Tombstone into one of his own but even the arm fold cover gets two.

They go outside for the third time and here’s Bret again to blast Sid in the back with a chair. Back in and a chokeslam gets two for Undertaker but he misses a running clothesline. Sid sets for the powerbomb until Bret comes down AGAIN (Shawn: “Doesn’t he get tired of getting beat up?”) and snaps Sid across the top rope, setting up the Tombstone to give Undertake the title at 23:54.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here and the match was a disaster most of the time. Sid isn’t made to go this long and it made for one heck of a bad match. The Bret stuff got annoying in a hurry but at least he was more interesting than either guy out there. Undertaker winning is definitely the right call as Sid was pretty much gone after this and Undertaker could at least do some entertaining things with the right opponent. That’s not the case here though and the match was a disaster.

Undertaker poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this was bad. There’s a really good stretch of about forty five minutes in there that was on fire but this isn’t a forty five minute show. So much of this was spent on matches that didn’t feel important or didn’t give me a reason to care. What changed here other than the World Title? Rocky retains in a lame match, the Tag Team Titles go to a double countout and we need to watch tomorrow to find out what happens with the Headbangers?

Much like Wrestlemania IX, this didn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. If this was any other show during the year, the results would have been much better. Unfortunately, as has been the case multiple times, this was the biggest show of the year and the card didn’t live up to the standard. This isn’t a good show but that’s a very common problem around this time, which is why business was in such a bad place here.

Ratings Comparison

Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFaon vs. New Blackjacks

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D

Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/Mankind

Original: D+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson vs. Nation of Domination

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

The street fight is good but it’s not THAT good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/20/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-13-hitman-and-austin-thats-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/22/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xiii-austins-ascension/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Best Of Sid
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bob Caudle, Gordon Solie, Dusty Rhodes, Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler,

Sid is next up on the list of stars getting a collection on the WWE Vault and that can make for quite the offering. Usually these Best Of’s are more of a chronological look at someone’s career, which can go rather well. Sid might not be the most polished wrestler, but his charisma can take him a very long way. Let’s get to it.

From Halloween Havoc 1989.

Skyscrapers vs. Road Warriors

The Skyscrapers (with Teddy Long) are Sid and Dan Spivey and the Warriors have Paul Ellering to keep things even. Hawk and Sid have a staredown to start and yeah the fans are way into this. Spivey knocks Animal up against the ropes to start but a clothesline sends Spivey over the top. Hawk comes in to trade shoulders with Spivey, who is more than happy to oblige.

A flying shoulder sends Spivey crashing out to the floor and now it’s off to Sid, who is knocked into the corner as well. Animal is in to shoulder Sid and it’s back to Hawk for the test of strength. Sid actually takes over and starts hammering away, with Sid knocking him down and nipping up. A helicopter slam drops Hawk again and Spivey kicks him out to the floor. That means Sid can drop Hawk onto the barricade, followed by a big boot to the….hip?

Back in and Spivey and Hawk trade suplexes as JR goes on and on about Spivey’s football career. Hawk finally clotheslines his way out of trouble and it’s back to Animal for one heck of a flying shoulder. Sid and Animal get in a fight and the fans are VERY appreciative. Everything breaks down and the managers get into it, with Long throwing in his metal key (it was a thing), which Spivey uses on Hawk for the DQ at 11:39.

Rating: B-. Yeah this worked as it’s exactly what they advertised. This was about four big power guys beating the fire out of each other until the ending when the ending was designed to protect both of them. In this case that makes enough sense and it was a fun trip to get there, which I’ll definitely take.

Post match the brawl stays on, with Hawk hitting the top rope clothesline (that always looked awesome) and stealing the key to clean house.

From Clash Of The Champions IX.

Skyscrapers vs. Steiner Brothers

Oh this should work. Naturally Rick is in the crowd eating popcorn with the fans. The Steiners clear the ring to start and hit their pose, with the Skyscrapers chilling on the floor. We settle down to Spivey tombstoning Rick, who pops back up to take over. Scott comes in for the Frankensteiner and a flipping fall away slam to Sid, because that’s something a human can do.

Back up and Sid misses a heck of a charge into the corner, allowing Scott to start in on the arm. Spivey is back in with a clothesline and a tilt-a-whirl slam, followed by a heck of a big boot. Scott gets up and brings in Rick for the house cleaning as everything breaks down. Cue Doom to go after the Steiners, which is enough for the DQ at 6:08.

Rating: B-. Yeah I could have gone for a lot more of this, as they were beating each other up, with Scott getting to come in there and do his stuff to make him look like a phenom. The Steiners were on another planet in this era and when you gave them a team of big guys to throw around, there was very little that was more entertaining.

Post match the brawl stays on, with Woman (Doom’s manager and the Steiners’ former manager) hits Rick with a shoe. Cue an unnamed giant (later named Nitron, who would be better known for his acting career, as Sabretooth in the original X-Men movies). The Road Warriors run in for the save and it’s a huge brawl.

From WrestleWar 1991.

Sid Vicious/Ric Flair/Barry Windham/Larry Zbyszko vs. Sting/Brian Pillman/Steiner Brothers

It’s WARGAMES. In case you’re somehow unfamiliar, each team sends in a man for the first five minutes. When that is done, there will be a coin toss (the heels will win) and the winning team gets to send in its second man for a two minute advantage. When that time is up, the losing team sends in its second man to even things up for two minutes. Entrances alternate until all eight are in and then it’s first submission only to win.

Windham and Pillman (with a bad shoulder) start things off, with Pillman having to break away from his team to get in first. Pillman clotheslines him down and grabs the top of the cage for a dropkick before stomping away. A head fake lets Pillman hit a missile dropkick and he rakes Windham into the cage. Windham is already busted open and some jawbreakers stagger him even more. Pillman throws him into the other cage as Windham is gushing blood.

Pillman goes after the legs and keeps striking away, setting up a backdrop (which barely works as the ceiling is REALLY low. The first period ends and the villains win the coin toss (of course) so it’s Flair coming in to make it 2-1. Flair goes after Pillman and sends him into the cage and Windham does it as well, with the shoulder taking a beating. A nasty tumble sends Pillman into the other cage and they go after his shoulder until Sting is in to tie it up (the fans go NUTS, as expected).

Sting hits those big bulldogs but Windham crotches Pillman on the top. Flair’s chops have no effect and Sting goes after him in the corner, with the Stinger Splash connecting. Zbyszko (subbing for an injured Arn Anderson, who is at ringside) is in to get the advantage back so Sting dives over two sets of ropes to clothesline him down. Pillman Figure Fours Windham but Flair and Zbyzsko fight back, with Flair kicking Pillman in the shoulder for the break.

Rick comes in and hammers on Flair and Windham to start cleaning house. Flair goes into the cage and gets his head rubbed to draw some blood (the blading was about as obvious as you could get). The villains take over again but Scott Steiner is in to complete the field, meaning it’s officially first submission wins. Sting gets the Scorpion on Flair, which is broken up, so we get the quadruple Figure Four on the bad guys.

Those are broken up so Sting gorilla presses Flair into the roof. The brawling continues and Sid loads up a powerbomb, but Pillman’s feet hit the top of the cage so Sid DROPS HIM ON HIT HEAD (called the shoulder but it was his head). Sid hits another powerbomb and El Gigante comes out to save Pillman (by ripping the door off) so the referee calls it at 21:50.

Rating: A. I know 1992 gets all of the praise (and rightfully so) but DANG this was an outstanding match, as you could feel the hatred and violence between the two sides. It felt like people wanting to get in there and destroy each other and it made for an instant classic. Also of note: once the field was complete, the match was over in about seven minutes. You don’t need the end of WarGames to take half an hour. WWE could learn a lot from this.

From Wrestlemania VIII.

Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan

Harvey Wippleman is here with Sid, who jumps Hogan while Real American is still going. Hogan fights back, knocks him to the floor and tears the shirt for an absolutely awesome entrance, all before the bell. Back in and we officially start with Sid knocking him down but Hogan is right there with the right hands to the floor. Sid teases walking out but comes back in to ask for a test of strength. Hogan obliges and is put on his knees until he fights up with a clothesline.

Sid is right back with a chokeslam and stops to yell at the camera, which has Monsoon rather annoyed. Some forearms to the back have Hogan in more trouble and Sid hits him in the back with Wippleman’s doctor bag. The nerve hold goes on and Hogan fights up, which has Heenan annoyed all over again. Sid is right back up with the powerbomb for two, as it’s Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects for two, with Wippleman coming in for the DQ at 12:28.

Rating: C. Yeah it’s really just an ok Hogan match at best, especially with the screwy finish. There’s only so much they could have done here, as Hogan wasn’t going to lose in his alleged retirement match. They did show some good chemistry though, as Hogan knows how to fight a monster like no one else.

Post match Hogan throws Wippleman at Sid as Papa Shango runs in (COMPLETELY missing his cue, as he was supposed to come in and break up the legdrop for the DQ, with Wippleman having to improvise). The beatdown is on….and the ULTIMATE WARRIOR returns for the save.

From Clash Of The Champions XXIII.

Sid Vicious/Vader/Rick Rude vs. Sting/Dustin Rhodes/British Bulldog

The villains have Harley Race and Colonel Robert Parker in their corner. Sting grabs a rather aggressive headlock on Rude to start but Rude powers out. The top wristlock doesn’t work so Sting gorilla presses Rude and throws him at Sid and Vader, who catch him in the air. They throw Rude back at Sting but miss, allowing Rhodes to come in and hammer away.

Vader comes in and gets knocked onto Rude, leaving Bulldog to come in instead. Sid tries his luck and gets punched around the corner, with Sting using the middle rope for a low blow. It’s back to Rhodes who hammers Vader down in the corner, followed by a rather impressive suplex. Rhodes takes too long going up and misses an elbow, allowing Vader to knock him silly with a clothesline.

Rude comes back in for the gordbuster and a rather arrogant cover. Another suplex is blocked but Sid comes back in with a clothesline for two. It’s back to Vader to unload in the corner, only to dive into the powerslam (as tends to be his nature). Rude’s Tombstone is reversed but the referee doesn’t see the tag off to Sting. Bulldog and Sting aren’t having that and come in anyway as the brawl is on. In the melee, Race slips Rude a briefcase, which knocks Rhodes out for the pin at 10:59.

Rating: B. Of course Rhodes was going to take the fall here given who all was in there, but it was a pretty fun match to see these guys beat each other up for a bit. Vader was getting to smash through people and most of the people got to be their usual impressive selves. This was good stuff with the talent involved making that pretty much expected.

Post match Sid and Vader hit a powerbomb on Bulldog but Sting gets the briefcase and cleans house.

From Survivor Series 1996.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Sid is challenging and the fans in Madison Square Garden just go nuts for him. Michaels has Jose Lothario with him. Sid gets right to the point by slugging away and knocking Michaels into the corner. Back up and Michaels grabs a headlock takeover and grinds away a bit as things slow back down (odd for Michaels but so is Sid).

For some reason Michaels tries a slugout, which doesn’t exactly work very well. Instead Michaels slips out of a gorilla press but ducks down, meaning he has to escape the powerbomb attempt. With the stand up not working, Michaels chop blocks the leg and goes Perfect with a Robinsdale Crunch. Michaels grabs the Figure Four, followed by some drops down onto the knee. Sid kicks him away though and, after shoving a camera away, runs Michaels over without much trouble.

Michaels goes right back to the knee but gets clotheslined out to the floor. A big drop onto the barricade has Michaels in trouble and Sid is limping a bit, even as the fans cheer him like never before. Back in and Sid hits a big backdrop, followed by a whip over the corner but Michaels manages to snap the throat across the top. Sid knocks him into the corner again but Michaels slugs away, setting up a slam. Michaels dives into a raised boot though and we’re off to a cobra clutch.

That sets up the chokeslam but Michaels reverses the powerbomb into a small package for two. With nothing else working, Sid grabs a camera and hits Lothario. Michaels gets in the superkick but makes the mistake of going to check on Lothario rather than covering. Back in and a middle rope crossbody hits the referee so Michaels checks on Lothario again. That’s enough of a delay for Sid to hit Michaels with the camera, followed by the powerbomb for the pin and the title at 20:02.

Rating: C+. This was a fairly slow match with the action not being great, but the crowd reaction here was fascinating. The fans were just not having it with Michaels and they let him know, with Sid getting some very strong reactions. It made for a pretty amazing spectacle and taking the title off of Michaels so he can get it back in his hometown is a pretty simple move.

Post match Lothario is stretchered out and Michaels staggers after him.

From In Your House XII: It’s Time (nice touch by the Vault as commentary was hyping this match up at the end of the Survivor Series match and they transitioned right into it).

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Bret Hart

Sid is defending and Shawn Michaels is on commentary. Hart jumps him during the entrance to start fast and gets clotheslined down for his efforts, allowing Sid to stomp away. Hart fights back and slugs away, managing to knock Sid down this time. Michaels keeps right on both of them as he doesn’t like either guy and doesn’t sound thrilled to be there either.

They head outside again, with Sid getting in a few shots of his own, only for Hart to score with a headbutt back inside. Sid dumps him over the top for a big crash to the floor but can’t hit a powerbomb out there. Instead Hart picks him up for a ram into the post and takes him back inside for a backbreaker. Some elbows stay on the bad back and we hit the reverse chinlock. With that broken up, Hart chokes away in the corner and then takes a turnbuckle pad off (odd to see from him).

A belly to back suplex gets two on Sid and the middle rope elbow to the back gets the same. Hart goes up and gets slammed back down to give Sid a needed breather. Sid kicks away a Sharpshooter attempt…and here is Steve Austin to take out Hart’s knee. Back in and Hart begs away in the corner, which doesn’t work as Sid pounds him down without much trouble.

Hart fights back but misses a charge into the exposed buckle and a chokeslam gives Sid two. A Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor, where Hart and Michaels get into it again (shocking I know). Back in and Michaels gets on the apron, with Hart being whipped into him for the crash. The powerbomb retains the title at 17:05.

Rating: B-. This was another example of Hart being able to make anything work, as he knew how to have a good match with someone like Sid. The Michaels stuff was fine as well, as he was the other third of the main event scene around this time. Sid got to do his power stuff and that was always going to work for him.

From the 1997 Royal Rumble.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels, in his hometown and with Jose Lothario, is defending (and has the flu so this might not go well). Thankfully we get at least one more instance of the SID pyro, which is one of the coolest ever. Sid shoves him down a few times to start but Michaels picks up the pace with a running crossbody, allowing him to slam Sid’s head into the mat. They go outside with Sid sending him into the apron, followed by a powerbomb to pull Michaels out of the air back inside.

The camel clutch goes on early, followed by Sid taking him outside for some rams into the post. Back in and we hit the regular chinlock, followed by the back as they keep having to find ways to let Michaels rest. Michaels breaks out but dives into a bearhug, with Sid even kneeling down this time. The big leg sets up a chinlock with a knee in Michaels’ back but he gets up and manages a slam.

There’s the flying forearm and the top rope elbow connects. The superkick is blocked though and Michaels is backdropped over the top for a big crash. The powerbomb plants Michaels on the floor and Sid grabs Lothario. That’s broken up but the referee is bumped inside. Sid’s chokeslam gets no count so another referee comes in for the rather delayed two. The other referee gets punched down so Michaels grabs the camera (ala Survivor Series) to knock Sid down for a VERY delayed near fall. The superkick gives Michaels the title back at 13:48.

Rating: D+. Yeah there wasn’t much that could be done here, as Michaels was barely able to function (for once, not his fault). That meant a lot of laying around in holds until the finish, which was the only way it could have gone. Sometimes it’s ok to set up an obvious finish and then go there, which is exactly what they did here.

From Monday Night Raw, February 17, 1997.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Bret Hart

Sid is challenging after Hart won the title last night. We’ve tried to do the match twice but Steve Austin has jumped Hart both times. Hart stomps away in the corner to start but Sid just unloads with shots to the ribs. The big whip into the corner has Hart’s back/ribs in more trouble and things slow down. Sid clotheslines him down and stomps away but Hart manages a quick backbreaker.

JR incorrectly says that Sid isn’t 6’9 on the mat before Hart hits the middle rope elbow. Sid gets his own two off a backbreaker and it’s time to choke on the ropes. Hart is able to get up and kick the leg out before jumping down onto it in the Ric Flair starter package. The Figure Four around the post has Sid in more trouble and we take a break.

We come back with Hart working on the leg in the corner until Sid drops him with a clothesline. The big legdrop gets two and a middle rope version crushes Hart for the same. A rake to the eyes breaks up the chokeslam attempt but Sid avoids a charge to send him crashing into the ropes. The powerbomb attempt is broken up and Sid is sent outside, followed by the Sharpshooter back inside. Sid tries to power out and gets quite the assist from Steve Austin, who comes in to crack Hart with a chair. The powerbomb gives Sid the pin and the title at 11:55 (the first time the title had ever been won on Raw).

Rating: C+. It wasn’t quite as good as their pay per view match but Austin screwing Hart over will never get old. Having Hart lose the title the night after he won it played into his conspiracy deal perfectly well as things were starting to get bad for him in a hurry. At the same time, Sid gets the title back and is likely headed to Wrestlemania, which is a fine way to go as he’s been around the title scene for months now.

Post match Sid celebrates until Undertaker comes out for the staredown to set up Wrestlemania.

From Wrestlemania XIII.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

Sid is defending and Shawn Michaels is on commentary. The bell rings and they stare each other down..and Bret Hart is here. Michaels mocks Hart for not being happy about not being in the main event. Hart yells at Michaels for faking an injury (eh, exaggerating but not exactly faking), blames Undertaker for ending their friendship by slamming a cage door in his face, and saying that the title belongs to him.

Sid responds with a powerbomb and tells Hart to get out of here. Hart is carried out and the bell rings again, with Undertaker hammering him to start. A boot in the corner staggers Sid and a Stinger Splash of all things connects for Undertaker. Old School connects but Sid doesn’t actually go down, allowing him to grab Undertaker in a bearhug. That stays on for a good while and they go to the floor, with Undertaker being dropped onto the announcers’ table.

Sid rams him into the post for two back inside and we hit the camel clutch. This lets Michaels get in a great bit of psychology that so many people miss: Sid is going to stick with power because it’s what makes things work. Why would he make it more complicated than that? A powerslam gives Sid two and the slow beating continues. They head outside with Undertaker sending him into the steps for a needed breather but Sid pounds him back down. This allows commentary to point out that oh yeah this is no holds barred.

The chinlock goes on again but Undertaker fights up and hits a powerslam. Undertaker grabs a nerve hold for a bit, followed by a clothesline for two. Back up and they both hit big boots to put them both down. Michaels: “Sid can lay there all day and walk out with the championship belt.” Well not if he lays there while Undertaker covers him. Sid is back up with a middle rope ax handle and a middle rope punch to the face. Undertaker catches him up top and slams him off, setting up the always great top rope clothesline.

Lawler gets in an interesting line by suggesting that they’re both scared the other can kick out of the finisher. That’s an interesting thought but Undertaker tries the Tombstone, which Sid reverses into one of his own for two. They go outside where Hart pops up again with a chair shot to Sid’s back. An awkward looking chokeslam gets two on Sid and he avoids the jumping clothesline. The powerbomb is loaded up but Hart comes in AGAIN. This time it’s something like a Stunner over the top to send Sid into the Tombstone to give Undertaker the title at 21:23.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen this match a bunch of times and it’s not overly good. They had similar styles and it didn’t make for the most thrilling match. The best part is probably Michaels burying Hart on commentary, which never gets old. It didn’t help that this was coming after the all time classic of Hart vs. Austin, but I get why you want to close Wrestlemania with the title change.

Post match Undertaker poses for a good while, with JR getting in the awesome line of “the WWF Title lives in the Dark Side!”.

From ECW Guilty As Charged 1999.

Judge Jeff Jones isn’t happy with Kronus for attacking him so he is sentencing him to pain. Guess who is providing said pain.

Sid Vicious vs. Kronus

Kronus hammers on Sid to start and that goes very badly. Sid chokeslams him over the top and through a table, followed by some chair shots to the back. The fans demand and receive a powerbomb and Kronus is done at 1:31. To say the fans lose their minds is an understatement as Sid is as over as free beer in a frat house. Sid’s bizarre charisma and power style were tailor made for a short run in ECW and I’m not surprise in the slightest that the fans went that nuts. Nothing match of course, but Sid in ECW is a great thing to see, as it couldn’t have gone much better.

The fact that we’re skipping multiple WCW World Titles in the late 90s is rather telling of how bad things were back then.

Overall Rating: B-. After he passed away, someone said that Sid was the person who looked most like a wrestler and….yeah I can see it. If you look at him, “professional wrestler” probably comes to mind. He was big, he was scary, he was in good shape and he felt just a bit off. It was an odd charisma that always worked and it’s a big reason why he became such a star.

No the matches weren’t very good a lot of the time, but that’s kind of the point. Sid worked because he fit the mold of a wrestler and that’s hard to break. There’s a reason he had two Wrestlemania matches and both of them were the main event (a feat which will likely never be duplicated): he worked very well in short runs, which is what made his career such a success.

 

 

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Best Of Vader
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bob Caudle, Jesse Ventura, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Mr. Perfect

As tends to be the case with the WWE Vault, the title pretty much speaks for itself. Vader is as much of a monster as you can get and there is something very fun about watching him smash through people. That’s what we’re getting here, and hopefully it lives up to the hype that I’m giving it at the thought of that much Vader. Let’s get to it.

From the 1990 Great American Bash.

Big Van Vader vs. Z-Man

This is Vader’s WCW debut. For some reason the graphic lists Z-Man as Tom Zenk, which was a name used in WCW, but far less frequently than Z-Man. Vader hammers away to start and hits a corner splash. Z-Man fights back but gets caught in a delayed gorilla press. The big elbow and a clothesline set up a splash to finish Z-Man off at 2:17. Total dominance and Vader looks like a monster right out of the gate.

From the 1992 Great American Bash.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Big Van Vader

Vader, with Harley Race, is challenging after mauling Sting a few months back. They argue a lot to start and Vader takes him into the corner to start hammering away. Back up and Sting hits a clothesline but Vader knocks him down with a single shot, leaving Sting shaken up. We see the backs of Ron Simmons and Tony Schiavone’s heads as they watch (what a weird camera shot) as Vader hammers away again.

Sting manages a quick belly to back suplex though and the comeback is on, with some clotheslines putting Vader on the floor and the place goes NUTS. Dang what a switch from quiet to insane. Back in and Sting makes the mistake of trying a test of strength (with commentary basically saying “you’re an idiot”) but goes to the eyes to cut Vader off and dropkicks Sting out to the apron.

A suplex brings Vader back in for two but he drops Sting with a single shot. The splash connects and Vader stops to pose, allowing JR to say he’s heard bodybuilding isn’t doing so well for the shot at the WBF. Vader drops a big elbow and then chokes, setting up the Scorpion Deathlock on Sting for a change. Jesse thinks it would be something for the champion to submit to his own hold and Vince McMahon’s ears perk up for some reason. That’s broken up so Vader drops him with a clothesline.

Sting manages to fight up with a rolling kick to the head and a DDT but Vader gets up top again. That’s cut off and Sting grabs a fireman’s carry, which he holds for a LONG time (notice his legs shaking) for a Samoan drop and two. The referee gets bumped and Sting gets a bridging German suplex for a delayed near fall. Sting hits a Stinger Splash and goes for another, only to hit his head on the buckle and knock himself silly. Vader gets two but Sting is mostly done. The powerbomb gives Vader the pin and the title at 18:17.

Rating: B-. It wasn’t a squash, but the match left very little in doubt: Vader was the new monster and Sting was going to have to do something special to beat him. That’s the kind of push you do not see happen very often and it worked very well for Vader. It would seem like he was ready to dominate the title scene…but he would lose the belt to Ron Simmons three weeks later.

From Starrcade 1993.

WCW World Title: Vader vs. Ric Flair

Vader, with Harley Race, is defending and this is title vs. career (and we’re in Charlotte). They take their time to start with Flair looking nervous as the fans are totally behind Flair, which shouldn’t be a surprise. The lockup goes to Vader so Flair tries to get the chase going, which is as smart of a move as he has. Back in and Vader wrenches the arm, setting up a hard clothesline.

Schiavone goes into a big rant about how Flair has left Starrcade as champion so many times over the years. Ventura: “None of that matters. It’s 1993 and this is Vader.” Point to Ventura. Vader hammers Flair down and takes him outside for a drop onto the barricade but misses a splash onto said barricade. Flair starts fighting back but Race gets in a cheap shot to cut both he and the crowd off again.

Vader hammers him down again, including a trip to the floor, followed by a big clothesline back inside. A slam plants Flair again but he avoids the middle rope splash for a much needed breather. Three straight top rope shots to the head put Vader down and Flair “hits” his knee drop which never really comes close but oh well. Vader gets in a superplex and Flair is bleeding from the mouth.

More big shots have Flair closer to death and Vader throws him outside. Vader’s splash misses in the corner…but the second connects and Flair is right back down. Flair’s poke to the eye lets him slug away, even managing to put Vader down (that was great). Flair wraps the leg around the post and then hits it with a chair (as in the old plastic kind) as Vader has lost his mask.

More right hands put Vader down on the floor and a chair to the head rocks him again. They get back inside and Flair unloads with more rights and lefts to put both of them down. Flair starts in on the leg but can’t get the Figure Four. The Vader Bomb misses as well and NOW the Figure Four goes on. Vader turns it over and drops Flair again, only to miss the moonsault. Flair covers but rolls away as Race tries a top rope headbutt, which hits Vader. Back up and Flair chops away but Vader runs him over. Flair is fine enough to trip him down and get a rollup (an ugly one but whatever) for the pin and the title at 21:11.

Rating: A. There’s no way around it: this is a classic with Flair rising up one more time to slay the monster that no one (other than Sting) could stop. Flair slugging away and managing to slow Vader down with pure heart and determination has stuck with me since I first saw this match live and it’s still incredible to this day. Outstanding stuff here and one of the best “hero fights the monster” matches you’ll ever see.

From Worldwide, April 30, 1994.

Vader vs. Cactus Jack

Texas Death Match and you knew we’d be seeing Mick on here somewhere. This is basically Last Man Standing, though it being called a “Texas Tornado” match makes it even more confusing. Harley Race is here with Vader too. Jack fights out of the corner to start and slugs away, only for Vader to run him over. Vader hammers away but Jack is back up with a clothesline to the floor.

After dropping Race, Jack grabs a chair to hit Vader in the head but has to backdrop an interfering Race. A flip dive off the apron drops Vader (dang) and they go back inside, where Jack drops a leg. We hit the sleeper but Vader drops back onto Jack for the big nasty crash. A pair of Vader Bombs crush Jack and a middle rope splash gets two, with Heenan losing his mind over why Jack would get up. Another Vader Bomb misses so Race pulls Jack outside for a chair to the face (though only Race falls down). Vader follows and powerbombs him on the floor (with a sickening THUD) for the win at 6:56.

Rating: C+. Well it was starting to get good, but then it just ended with that nasty powerbomb. I’m not sure what the point was in having the match go so short, as it felt like something that should have gotten that much more time. What we got was the intense brawl that these two are known for, but I was expecting something longer than you would see from Tatanka vs. the Brooklyn Brawler on Raw.

From Clash Of The Champions XXIX.

Vader vs. Dustin Rhodes

Harley Race is here with Vader, who powers Rhodes into the corner to start. As usual, Vader starts hammering away to take over without much trouble. Another shot to the face ticks Rhodes off and he SPEARS VADER DOWN to blow the roof off the place. Rhodes slaps away and comes back with a running crossbody for two. A clothesline sends Vader to the floor and Rhodes follows to keep hammering away.

Rhodes takes Race out and they go back inside, where Vader gets pounded down again. Vader hits the standing body block to take over again, meaning it’s time to pummel away in the corner. Rhodes gets in a shot of his own and avoids the sitdown splash. The bulldog is loaded up but Vader picks him up and LAUNCHES HIM over the top to the floor. Back in and the Vader Bomb gets two, with Vader hitting him in the face for daring to kick out. Vader just pummels him down again, but Rhodes starts waving his arm (ala Dusty, and we’re in Florida).

Rhodes catches him coming off the top in a powerslam (Vader loved that spot and it looked great no matter who did it) and the comeback is on. Rhodes slgs away and elbwos him in the head, with a clothesline knocking Vader into the ropes. The top rope clothesline drops Vader and a middle rope DDT gives Rhodes two. The bulldog connects but Race comes in, allowing Vader to deck Rhodes from behind. A wheelbarrow faceplant (OUCH) knocks Rhodes silly to give Vader the pin at 11:49.

Rating: B+. Sweet goodness this was a fight, with the crowd’s reaction to that takedown being insane. One of the traditions with Vader is that the best way to fight him is to hit him in the mouth and that’s what Rhodes did here. The problem is that Vader hits back, and that’s what we saw here in one heck of a slugout. The ending alone was awesome, as Vader absolutely planted him. Great fight here and one of Rhodes’ best matches ever.

Post match another Vader Bomb is loaded up but Jim Duggan comes in for the save. In theory that leads us into….

From Monday Night Raw, January 22, 1996 (I had the intro for the Vader vs. Duggan US Title match at Starrcade 1994 ready to go. That’s a rare miss from the Vault.).

Vader vs. Savio Vega

Vader, with Jim Cornette, is freshly debuted and this is his first match on Raw. As usual, Vader hammers him down in the corner then does it again for a bonus. The running splash misses though and Vega strikes away, with a superkick putting Vader on the floor. That’s fine with Vader, who drops Vega onto the barricade. Back in and the corner splash connects, setting up the Vader Bomb for the pin at 2:58. Pretty much a squash.

Post match Vader puts him down again for a second Vader Bomb. The referee tries to break it up and gets beaten up as well, with Lawler knowing that’s a bad idea. Another referee comes in and gets powerbombed so here is Interim President Gorilla Monsoon to yell at Vader. Cornette tries to back Vader off as Monsoon announces that Vader is suspended indefinitely.

Vader shoves Cornette away and goes face to face with Monsoon again, with Monsoon pointing a finger in his face. Vader slaps Monsoon on the back so Monsoon chops away (marking the first time he had gotten physical in almost fifteen years). That’s too far for Vader, who splashes Monsoon in the corner, setting up the Vader Bomb. Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon make the save. As someone who grew up watching Monsoon as a commentator, this was INSANE. Monsoon wasn’t going to be able to wrestle again, but my goodness the heat would have been off the charts if he could have pulled it off.

From Summerslam 1996.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader, with Jim Cornette, is challenging while Jose Lothario is here with Michaels (who was sick of him by this point and wanting the whole thing to end). Vader starts fast by hammering away and knocks him down without much effort. Michaels kicks away to put Vader down and hits him in the face a few times, followed by a low bridge to the floor. The big dive takes Vader out again (that was on a lot of highlight reels) and Michaels scores with a double ax handle back inside.

A headscissors sends Vader outside so Michaels tries a slingshot version, only to get countered into a heck of a powerbomb. Vader picks him up on one shoulder and carries him back inside, where it’s time to unload in the corner. Michaels gets tossed outside and then backdropped inside as Vader stays on the back. A hard clothesline cuts off Michaels’ comeback attempt and Vader plants him with kind of a reverse Jackknife.

We hit the head and arm clutch to put Michaels on his knees but he fights out and hits some running shots of his own. Vader tries to sit on him but gets low blowed, allowing Michaels to go up. The big elbow…doesn’t quite work as Michaels pulls up in the air, as Vader didn’t move as planned. This results in Michaels kicking him in the head and berating him, all because the spot didn’t work, which ONLY the people in the match would know about, making Michaels look like a whiny brat. They crash out to the floor and Michaels is dropped onto the barricade for a countout at 13:51.

Hold on though as Cornette says not that way and begs Michaels to come back because they want the title. Michaels eventually comes back like a moron and gets beaten down again, including a racket shot from Cornette. A belly to belly gives Vader two but Michaels fights out of a powerbomb. Michaels makes the comeback and loads up the superkick but Cornette tries to grab him. Instead Michaels takes the racket away and wacks Vader (with a great THUD sound) for the DQ at 17:49.

Cornette calls Michaels a coward who knew he couldn’t beat Vader and wants to restart this again. Works for Michaels so we starts it again, with Vader missing a sitdown splash. Michaels hits the forearm and NOW the top rope elbow connects (good, maybe Michaels can be happy).

Sweet Chin Music gets two but the referee gets knocked to the floor. Vader hits a powerbomb for two from a second referee and Cornette is losing his mind on their near falls. The Vader bomb is loaded up but Cornette wants the moonsault, despite Michaels being very close to the corner (it would have hit anyway, which is impressive). Michaels hits a moonsault press to retain at 22:19.

Rating: B-. That tantrum in the middle manages to bring down what is an otherwise awesome match, as Michaels kept surviving one way or another until he caught Vader making a mistake. That’s one of the recurring themes with Vader, as pretty much no one could hang with him one on one, but they could tire him out or eventually catch him screwing up. Michaels knows how to do this match in his sleep, but alas he had to go over the edge.

Also of note, this was originally going to be Vader winning the title and ultimately losing it back to Michaels at the Royal Rumble, but Michaels didn’t want to work with Vader so Sid got the spot instead (hence the December In Your House being called “It’s Time” when Vader had nothing to do with the main event.).

From In Your House XIII: Final Four.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Bret Hart vs. Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

For the vacant title and it’s elimination rules, with pinfall, submission or over the top for a unique setup. Vader has Paul Bearer for one last manager. After a quick interview from Hart, who knows these people are all tough and that the winner will deserve the title, we’re ready to go. Undertaker drops Vader to start before pulling Hart off of Austin. Vader is back up with a belly to belly and takes Undertaker outside (not out, despite Lawler thinking they were).

A chair only hits post so Vader puts Undertaker against the post and hammers away again. Back up and Undertaker boots the chair into Vader’s face (ignore Vader blading) as Austin elbows Hart down for two inside. Vader (bleeding from the eye) gets back inside to hammer on Undertaker some more as Austin jawbreaks his way outo f a sleeper from Hart. Austin takes Hart into the corner while Undertaker hits a chokeslam on Vader.

A Stunner (which is sold like a swinging neckbreaker) drops Undertaker for two as Vader runs Hart over for two of his own. Vader takes Hart outside for some chair shots to the back as his eye is GUSHING. Undertaker backdrops Austin out of a piledriver attempt in the aisle before switching off with Hart. Austin goes after Vader’s eye and sends him into the steps. Some belt shots rock Vader, who pounds Austin right back and hits him with the ring bell.

Vader and Hart go up the aisle with Hart being sent into the barricade, leaving Undertaker to beat Austin up back inside. Back at ringside, Vader tries a Sharpshooter on Hart, leaving Austin to stomp on Hart some more. That’s broken up so Hart goes after Austin (yeah that always works) but Austin goes back inside to Thesz press Vader (right on the bloody eye). Back up and Vader misses the moonsault to Undertaker, who takes him outside for a choke with a camera cable.

Vader cuts that off (the choking, not the cable) and chokes Undertaker down for two back inside. Hart’s middle rope elbow gets two Austin, who gets an O’Connor roll for the same. They switch off again so Hart can kick Vader low (with the camera showing Vader just covered in blood) for two more. Undertaker tries to throw Austin over (oh yeah that’s a thing) as Vader Fujiwara’s Hart’s arm. Back up and Hart tosses Austin for the first elimination at 18:09 (there have been longstanding rumors that Austin was supposed to win but those wound up being nonsense).

Undertaker hammers on Hart until Vader breaks it up as we see Sid (who gets the winner tomorrow) watching in the back. Undertaker is sent outside (not out) where Bearer gets in an urn shot, leaving Vader to take off the blood soaked mask. Hart cuts Vader off on the top and hits a top rope superplex, because this match needed another crazy spot.

The Sharpshooter goes on but Undertaker breaks it up (JR is confused) and Austin is back to go after Hart. Austin gets back in to keep up the beating as Undertaker breaks up a Vader Bomb. A low blow sends Vader out at 22:26, leaving Undertaker to drop Austin and chokeslam Hart. Austin pulls Hart out of the Tombstone though, leaving Undertaker to go after Austin again. Hart clotheslines Undertaker out for the win and the title at 24:06.

Rating: A-. These guys beat the living daylights out of each other and I had a great time watching it again. It’s such a unique match that it feels more like a regular four way until the eliminations, which is a fine way to go as it’s perfectly within the rules. Vader was a wrecking ball in this whole thing and everyone was game to fight him. Outstanding match and arguably a hidden gem, even if it meant very little as Hart would lose the title to Sid the next night on Raw.

Overall Rating: A. I had an absolute blast with this, as it was an awesome showcase of why Vader really was that much of a monster (and they didn’t cover all kinds of stuff from his American run). What mattered the most was that Vader didn’t feel like any run of the mill monster who was beaten and then faded away. He was always going to be around because very few people could do things like he could. WCW knew what they had with him and if the WWF hadn’t wasted so much of him, he could have been up there with Andre for all time greatest super heavyweight. Make sure to check this out as it’s outstanding.

 

 

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Even More One-Sided Beatdowns
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Tony Schiavone, Gordon Solie, Mr. Perfect, Randy Savage, Jerry Lawler, Bobby Heenan

The name here should tell you all you need to know. The WWE Vault had previously released a collection of squash matches and I had a blast with the whole thing. Now we get a sequel, which will be from all over wrestling history. This could be almost anything and that has me interested. Let’s get to it.

From Superstars, March 9, 1996.

Yokozuna vs. Denny Parton/Mark Kyle/Reginald Walker

You might possibly remember Kyle as Killer Kyle in SMW. Parton jumping Yokozuna to start doesn’t go well as he is sent outside and Kyle has the same result. Commentary talks about Yokozuna’s match with Vader at Wrestlemania, which would not wind up happening (well not as a singles match at least). The Banzai Drop hits Kyle and Yokozuna stacks the other two up for one of their own for the double pin at 2:40. This was close to the end for Yokozuna and it showed pretty badly.

From Smackdown, May 12, 2005.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Jimmy Jacobs

Guerrero has a bloody Rey Mysterio mask, which he puts on the ring post. The referee checks Guerrero for weapons and then does the same to Jacobs, with Guerrero using the distraction to jump him. A running elbow drops Jacobs and a belly to back suplex does it again. We pause for Guerrero to stop and yell at the mask, which he then puts on Jacobs’ head and hammers away. Jacobs is sent outside and rammed into the announcers’ table before Guerrero grabs a chair. The brainbuster onto the chair is enough for the DQ at 2:59. Total decimation.

From World Wide Wrestling, April 6, 1991.

Stan Hansen/Sid Vicious vs. David Isley/Keith Hart

We get an insert promo from Sting and Lex Luger, who are ready to go through the tag division and take on anyone. If your option is to face Sid and Hansen, you might want to look into selling furniture. Isley is thrown outside and dropped with a suplex, allowing Hansen to hammer away. Back in and the powerbomb finishes Hart at 2:38. Sid was made for matches like this one.

Post match the beatdown stays on with Isley being put on a stretcher. Sid throws Hart onto Isley, who is then wheeled into the post.

From Superstars, June 1, 1996.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marty Garner

OH BOY it’s this match. Helmsley gets to woo his latest valet to start things off and then easily takes Garner down. We get an insert promo from Helmsley, who doesn’t think much of Jake Roberts. The curtsy lets Garner get in a dropkick to the back but a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker cuts him off. Helmsley slaps him around a bit and hits the jumping knee to the face. The Pedigree is loaded up and Helmsley SPIKES HIM ON HIS HEAD, with Garner taking it like a piledriver instead of like a faceplant. Either way, what’s left of Garner is pinned at 3:11.

Rating: C. Nothing to the match of course but this was ALL about the Pedigree, which is a clip that has made the rounds ever since. It was simply a case of Garner not taking the move properly and thankfully he didn’t break his neck in the process. If nothing else, it made the Pedigree look like a killer and that’s great.

From Monday Nitro, February 5, 2001.

Scott Steiner vs. Jung Dragons/Noble And Karagias

Steiner wastes no time in starting to slug away and drops the elbow on Noble. The pushups take too long though as Karagias springboards in with a moonsault and a pair of top rope splashes connect. A four way cover gets two but Steiner is back up with a double clothesline. An overhead belly to belly drops Noble and Yang gets crotched on top. Hayashi is tossed outside and Noble is thrown onto him. There goes Karagias as well and a t-bone superplex drops Yang. Steiner won’t let the referee count three though, instead suplexing Noble and Karagias. A triple Steiner Recliner finishes for Steiner at 3:03.

Rating: C+. When Scott Steiner gets going, it’s just fun to see him smashing through people. That’s exactly what we got here, even if it took a bit before Steiner got going. He was the huge monster heel at this point and it could have gone somewhere had the company not been dying around him.

From World Championship Wrestling, likely in 1986.

Animal vs. ???/???

Animal runs through them and clothesline them both for the double pin at 35 seconds. That worked.

From Superstars, August 21, 1993.

Quebecers vs. Dan Dubiel/Scott Despres

Jacques jumps them to start and gives Dubiel a package piledriver. Pierre is backdropped onto Dubiel and an Alabama Slam into the Boston crab lets Pierre drop a middle rope Fameasser (Savage: “I have just retired from wrestling!”) and Despres makes the save. Savage thinks that should dissolve the partnership and it’s Le Bombe de Rougeau to Despres. The Cannonball finishes a rather entertaining squash at 2:15.

From World Championship Wrestling, June 17, 1989.

Samoan Swat Team vs. Rock Hard Rick/Mike Awesome

Well there’s a surprise, with Awesome (in Hulk Hogan red kneepads and yellow trunks) getting knocked to the floor to start. Rick gets planted with a Hart Attack and a spinning faceplant. A scary backdrop plants Rick and it’s off to Awesome, who gets knocked into the corner. Samu hits a belly to back superplex and Fatu’s top rope splash (so that’s where Awesome got it) finishes at 2:14. This was 100% on there because of Awesome, but dang I can go for some Headshrinkers dominance.

From WCW Saturday Night, May 14, 1994.

Rick Rude vs. Mark Starr

Starr catches a boot to the ribs to start and gets thrown down by the head a few times. Some hard clotheslines drop Starr again and Rude hammers away. One heck of a piledriver plants Starr again as Rude calls out Vader. Some hard jabs and a belly to belly suplex get two and we hit the bearhug. Rude gets tired of that and finishes with the Rude Awakening at 3:34.

Rating: C+. Rude screaming for Vader was good stuff, but at the same time it’s very sad to see, because by the time this aired, Rude had already suffered the back injury that ended his full time career. He would go on to win the International Title but have to vacate the belt as a result of his injury. Rude as the big heavy hitter was working though and the look on his face made him feel all the more intense.

From Superstars, December 3, 1994.

Jim Neidhart vs. Jeff Harvey

Yes Harvey, and yes that is better known as Jeff HARDY. MIKE ADAMLE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!! Neidhart isn’t having any of this running the ropes thing and tosses Harvey over the top. A big backdrop drops Harvey on his back and a camel clutch finishes him off at 2:04. I knew it was going to be someone big facing Neidhart and they didn’t disappoint with a 17 year old Hardy. Er Harvey.

Overall Rating: B-. Yeah I had another good time with this, as it was nothing but big stars smashing through people, just as described. There is something fun about seeing this rather than a much bigger star needing ten minutes to beat someone not on their level. Fun stuff here, with some of the squashed being nothing short of devastation, which is often the most entertaining thing you’ll see in wrestling.

 

 

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One-Sided Beatdowns
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Paul E. Dangerously, Lance Russell, Joey Styles, Vince McMahon, Jim Cornette, Tony Schiavone, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Kevin Sullivan, Tommy Dreamer, Todd Grisham

So this is something that WWE put together on the Vault, which is basically a 40 minute collection of squash matches. That is the kind of thing which can make for some fun violence, as some of those squashed can be all kinds of entertaining. I’m going into this mostly blind so this should be good. Let’s get to it.

Little bit of a weird thing here: on YouTube, the identifications on some of the matches are all over the place, with Big E. being listed instead of Sid Vicious, a match with Bayley on commentary listing her in the match and some other names being nowhere near close. No idea what’s up with that.

From Monday Night Raw, December 10, 2001.

Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Spike Dudley

Undertaker is defending and Spike throws in a bunch of weapons before the bell, with Undertaker swatting a trashcan out of the air. Undertaker doesn’t care so Spike goes and sits on his motorcycle, which is enough to start the destruction. The beating begins on the floor and Spike is thrown inside for a hard right to the head.

Spike is tied in the Tree of Woe (which Lawler seems to have never heard of before) but he gets out for a low blow. Some trashcan lids to the head just annoy Undertaker, who smashes him in the head with the same lid. Undertaker drives a forearm over Spike’s face and the Last Ride onto a trashcan retains at 2:36. This wasn’t quite one sided but ticked off Undertaker can be most enjoyable.

Post match Undertaker chokeslams him over the top and out to the floor (OUCH).

From WCW Main Event, August 27, 1989.

Sid Vicious vs. Lee Scott

Sid hits a big clothesline and the fans are just going nuts for him. A gorilla press to the floor lets Sid throw him back inside. The helicopter slam sets up the powerbomb to complete the destruction at 1:30. This was GREAT as Sid absolutely massacred him.

From ECW On Sci Fi, August 1, 2006.

Kurt Angle vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Commentary doesn’t think much of Brawler’s chances. The ankle lock sends Brawler straight to the ropes to start so Angle beats him up there instead. A headbutt and ankle lock finish Brawler at 1:10.

From Monday Night Raw, June 19, 1995.

Shawn Michaels vs. Gus Kantarrakis

The name graphic has two R’s in the latter’s name but everything else I can find shows just one. Not a good sign when even the company can’t bother getting your name right. Michaels shoulders him down to start and runs the ropes…but has to stop and pick him up. They get back up and Michaels hits another shoulder so he can ride on Gus’ back for the comedy.

Michaels gets Gus to chase him on the floor and then has a seat in the front row. Gus’ cheap shot doesn’t work as commentary ignores the match to talk about celebrity news. Back in and Gus manages a right hand to the ribs and slows Michaels down but he easily sends Gus outside. A suplex on the floor has Gus in more trouble and the superkick knocks him silly out there as well. Back in and the fans want it one more time so Michaels basically Weekend At Bernie’s him into another superkick for the pin at 4:20.

Rating: C. Gus was another level of useless here as he had a weird look and Michaels was almost wrestling himself at times. That being said, this was the goofy Michaels who felt like a star no matter what he was doing and there was no way to avoid putting the title on him next year.

From WCW TV, May 10, 1986.

Midnight Express vs. Mulkey Brothers

Naturally Jim Cornette is here with the Express and even jumps on commentary. Condrey backdrops Randy to start as Cornette says tomorrow is Mother’s Day so he loves Mama Cornette…and wants his allowance. Randy is taken outside and suplexed onto the concrete before Bill comes in, only to be tossed outside as well. Back in and Bill’s face is rubbed into the mat as Cornette calls out Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA.

A belly to back superplex plants Bill again as Cornette WILL NOT SHUT UP, which is what made him a legend. Bill is sent hard into the corner and a butterfly suplex gives Eaton one, as he pulls Bill up over and over. Randy comes in and actually scores with some punches to Condrey, who suplexes him right back down. A good looking top rope elbow hits Randy and Condrey finally finishes with what would be better known as the Skull Crushing Finale at 4:53.

Rating: C+. The Midnights turned the tag team squash into an art form and the Mulkeys were some of the best targets they could have had. It wouldn’t have been right to leave the Midnights off of something like this as they really were great at what they did. Throw in Cornette ranting at everyone he could think of and it was a lot of fun.

From Monday Nitro, June 1, 1998.

US Title: Goldberg vs. La Parka

Goldberg is defending, gets hit in the head with a chair before the bell, and runs through him with the spear and Jackhammer to retain at 28 seconds. Well you knew Goldberg was going to be on this show.

From Monday Night Raw, July 25, 2016.

Braun Strowman vs. James Ellsworth

Ellsworth hides in the corner at the bell and then thinks it’s a good idea to come up swinging. Strowman throws him into the corner and hits a big boot to the chest, setting up a running splash. A reverse chokeslam finishes Ellsworth at 1:10. Yeah that worked.

From WCW TV, December 16, 1989.

Steiner Brothers vs. Cactus Jack Manson/Rick Fargo

Rick (Steiner, in case you thought Fargo mattered) backs Manson up against the ropes and then slaps the fire out of him. Believe it or not, Jack is kind of into the pain so Scott comes in for a backdrop. Manson fights up with an elbow for two but Scott knocks him outside rather quickly.

Back in and it’s off to Fargo and I don’t see this going well. Scott suplexes him down with ease and a super fall away slam drops Fargo again. We cut to some shots of the crowd and come back to Rick neck cranking Fargo, followed by some riding on the mat. Back up and the Steiner Line puts Fargo down again, setting up the Frankensteiner for the pin at 4:46.

Rating: C-. This was there for the sake of having the Steiners and Jack in the same match but there wasn’t much to it. The Steiners could beat up just about anyone and that’s what they did here. It just wasn’t that entertaining and was more about name value, but I can go with something like this on a big compilation.

From NXT, August 3, 2016.

Asuka vs. Aliyah

Bayley is on commentary but Asuka offers her a seat on the ramp to watch closer. Asuka snapmares Aliyah down as the fans sing for Bayley, whose confidence has been wrecked by Asuka taking the Women’s Title from her. A hip attack drops Aliyah again and Asuka chokes her in the ropes while looking down at Bayley. Another hip attack in the ropes drops Aliyah again and Asuka kicks her out of the air for two, with Asuka pulling her up. A Buzzsaw Kick sets up the Asuka Lock for the tap at 2:28. Nice story advancement with the squash.

From Sunday Night Heat, October 28, 2004.

Tyson Tomko vs. Shawn Riddick

Tomko powers him into the corner to start and hits a spinebuster before hammering away. Some forearms on the mat have Riddick in more trouble and Tomko throws him outside. Tomko isn’t having any of this comeback and kicks Riddick outside, which is enough for the referee to call it at 1:48. Riddick was bumping like crazy here.

From Superstars, February 6, 1993.

Beverly Brothers vs. Bob East/Pete Christie

The Brothers beat on the first one before handing it off to the second one. As we get a look at the latest WWF Magazine, the Brothers hit the Shaker Heights Spike (a flapjack into a faceplant) but the guy over rotates and comes down HARD on his head, thankfully for the pin at 1:28. That was on highlight reels for a good while and could have been a lot worse.

From WCW TV, March 3, 1990.

Kevin Sullivan/Buzz Sawyer vs. Robbie Idol/Zan Panzer

Sawyer is a known nutjob who takes over on Idol. Sullivan comes in for some chops and stomps Idol in the face. It’s back to Sawyer for more chopping before it’s off to Panzer, which makes Sawyer laugh. Sawyer sits on Panzer’s neck as we hear about various upcoming house shows. Sullivan ties Idol in the Tree Of Woe for the running knee and Sawyer, looking a bit nuts (understatement), adds his great top rope splash. Naturally Sawyer pulls him up at two and hits another splash but pulls him up again…and the referee disqualifies Sawyer at 4:13. For what? Beating him up too much?

Rating: C. Not great ending aside, this was another destruction with those splashes looking great. At the same time, Sullivan and his Slaughterhouse (also including Cactus Jack) never did much for me and that was the case again here. They’re a perfectly fine midcard monster team and that’s about it, which only gets them so far.

Post match Sawyer beats him up some more and Sullivan leaves, with a bunch of wrestlers having to come drag Sawyer off of Idol. They can’t quite do it though, instead picking BOTH of them up at once for a unique visual to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: B. I had a GREAT time with this and it is the kind of thing that shows just how much the people running the channel appreciate wrestling. They mixed in a huge variety here and some of them were incredibly entertaining. Just a great little package of fun stuff and worth a look if you want something to the point and exactly as advertised, with nothing breaking five minutes.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Blackjack Brawl
Date: September 23, 1994
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 900
Commentators: John Tolos, Carlo Gianelli

So a few months ago I looked at the UWF’s Beach Brawl, which was a special event from one of the more infamously lame promotions: Herb Abrams’ Universal Wrestling Federation. Now it’s time to look at the followup, which is over three years later and not on pay per view. It’s an eleven match card and nine are title matches, with five of those being to crown inaugural champions. This is going to be a really, really long night. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence, with the rather over the top introduction from Abrams and some clips from a press conference.

Abrams is in the ring to shout an introduction, with commentary talking over him. He brings Blackjack Mulligan to the ring to hype up the show and promises a lot of big stuff tonight.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

We have a celebrity guest ring announcer with Steve Rossi (apparently he was on the Howard Stern Show at least once). After some audio issues, he introduces the Nevada Athletic Commission and brings out Dan Spivey. Rossi: “He’ll show you some wrestling tonight.”

Americas Championship: Dan Spivey vs. Johnny Ace

For the inaugural title (which is not mentioned until a few minutes into the match) and Ace has Missy Hyatt with him. Rossi has to beg the fans to cheer during the introductions and I think you know how this night is going to go. It doesn’t help that the arena (holds about 17,000) is embarrassingly empty. Commentary: “Who cares about these wrestlers when you have Missy Hyatt?”

Ace rolls him up for two and Spivey bails to the apron. Back n and Spivey hammers away, only for Ace to come back with a middle rope crossbody. A dropkick puts Spivey on the floor where he kicks a few things around. Back in and Ace stomps away (Tolos: “That would kill a normal man!”) before grabbing a chinlock. Spivey suplexes his way to freedom as I try to figure out who I’m supposed to cheer for here. A backbreaker gives Spivey two and a Russian legsweep gets the same.

Ace is back up with a top rope clothesline for two but Spivey grabs a DDT for three. Well I mean the referee slapped the mat three times but calls it two anyway, as I guess counting doesn’t work around here either. We look at Missy Hyatt for a second and come back with Spivey hitting what looked like a Boss Man Slam. The abdominal stretch goes on before Spivey slams him back down for two off a legdrop. Spivey grabs it again and Hyatt turns on Ace by throwing in the towel to give Spivey the win and the title at 7:18.

Rating: D. Just think for a second: of the eleven match card that they have planned, THIS is what they felt was the best way to get things going. I’ve said this already but it bears repeating: we are in for a really, really long night. Vince Russo unnecessary screwy finish aside, the match was rather lame as they were just doing moves to each other with no story, build, flow or anything. But at least the manager turned on Ace during their first time together so….development?

Post match Spivey grabs Abrams until Ace chases him off. Abrams yells at Spivey (Abrams: “You’re a double cheating cross!”), who leaves with Hyatt.

We go to a break, with commentary being heard talking to production, just in case you thought this could be competent for more than three seconds.

Post break, commentary cuts out, then Ginaelli slips up by saying Ace won the match.

We talk about the Junior Heavyweight title, featuring Mando “Gareo”. They’ll be right “black” after this break.

Junior Heavyweight Title: Mando Guerrero vs. Jack Armstrong

For the inaugural title and at least Rossi gets Guerrero’s (who comes out to an actual WEIRD AL song) name right. Jack (called Wildman in the graphic and Wildcat during his introductions) looks great and has been wrestling for….THIRTY ONE YEARS??? Granted this is his first match in about four years but when you debut in 1963 and are still wrestling in 1994, I’m a good bit impressed. Odds are that’s going to be the only impressive thing here but still not bad. Gianelli still can’t pronounce Guerrero as he sits on the corner while Armstrong poses.

They run the ropes to start and Mando dropkicks him out to the floor. Back in and Mando grabs an armdrag into an armbar but they’re right back to the floor to get the brawling going. Mando knocks him into the barricade and hits an Asai moonsault, sending Tolos into as close to shock as you’re getting around here. Back in and Mando gets two off a spinebuster as we’re told that this is the first of three Blackjack Brawls planned. Uh, yeah. Anyway Mando misses a moonsault and Jack drops two elbows for the pin and the title at 4:41.

Rating: D+. Well it was better than the previous one, but again it is very clear that they are not putting even the slightest bit of thought into all of these title matches. There was no mention of the title here and Mando dominated until the end when Armstrong picked up the fluke win. Armstrong had a good physique but this was the last match of his career.

Post match, Abrams gets in the ring to say he isn’t pleased with the winner, but at least Armstrong got busted open a bit.

Dr. Feelgood says he’ll win.

SportsChannel Television Title: Dr. Feelgood vs. Sunny Beach

For the vacant title and Missy Hyatt is here with Feelgood. There’s even a theme here as Feelgood has a doctor’s bag and Missy has a stethoscope. Beach takes him down by the arm to start and then armdrags him into an armbar to mix it up a bit. They switch it to a chinlock for a bit before Feelgood is back with some back rakes. Missy gets in a shoe shot to the head, sending Tolos into a speech about how gorgeous she is.

Beach comes back with some right hands and a sunset flip for two, only to get clotheslined down. A backbreaker gives Feelgood two and he plants Beach with a DDT (which commentary describes as “another great professional wrestling move”). Hold on though as Feelgood goes to his medical bag and pulls out a rag. He pours some liquid onto the rag, only to have Beach shove it into his face for the win at 5:27. The referee watched EVERY BIT OF THIS and doesn’t seem to mind. Can you really blame him?

Rating: F. Sweet goodness it’s actually getting worse. What are you supposed to do when the referee just lets the doctor use I’m guessing ether on the surfer? The match is a failure for the refereeing alone and I’m almost scared to see how bad this show gets as we keep going. Terrible match with an even worse ending.

Post match Feelgood takes Beach down with the rag as Missy screams a lot. Blackjack Mulligan comes in to yell, with Feelgood calling him various cowboy insults.

BUY MERCH! That has to be some kind of a collector’s item. Sid walks in and says something about Nolan Ryan signed baseballs.

Herb Abrams talks about Commissioner Bruno Sammartino….who isn’t here tonight! Abrams has Blackjack Mulligan talk about what else is coming tonight. Mulligan: “These other promotions won’t even touch these guys!” Steve Williams would destroy Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair and Bret Hart!

Southern States Title: Bob Orton Jr. vs. Finland Hellraiser Thor

Believe it or not, Orton actually is the champion coming in and Thor is better known as Ludvig Borga. Orton grabs a headlock to start but gets shoved away by raw power. More power sends Orton into the corner and this time Thor hammers away with shots to the ribs. There’s a side slam to plant Orton again and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. Commentary uses the time to discuss who really discovered America as Orton comes back with some shots to the face. Thor backdrops him over the top to counter a piledriver attempt and they fight on the floor for the double DQ at 5:29.

Rating: D. And somehow, that’s in the running for the best match of the night, just due to the people involved if nothing else. Thor is fresh off his time with the WWF and it isn’t a good sign when he is looking like a knockoff version of himself. Orton was pretty far past his prime already but his own talent is enough to carry him pretty far. Not far enough to save this show, but at least they picked things up a tiny bit over the previous match.

They brawl even more post match, showing more fire than anything else on the show. Thor bails and Orton’s eye is busted open, so the ring announcer asks the fans to cheer for him about five times. Orton goes on a rant about how he fights like an American, with all of the values that are falling apart every day.

Midget World Title: Karate Kid vs. Little Tokyo

For the inaugural title and this is FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. The ring announcer is practically begging the fans to cheer for this as things are falling apart before the bell. Tokyo bails from the threat of Kid’s kicks and shoulders him down. A hiptoss drops Tokyo, who glares out of the corner. The armbar doesn’t last long on Kid as the referee yells at Tokyo again. The crisscross is on, with Kid stopping so Tokyo runs around on his own. After the annoyance is over, Tokyo’s armbar doesn’t work all over again. They fight over a test of strength on the mat, allowing Tokyo to yell at the referee some more.

It’s time to dance a bit until Kid gets a quick one. Hold on though as Tokyo yells at the referee AGAIN, followed by a poke to Kid’s eyes. Kid is fine enough to slap on a full nelson, with Tokyo climbing the ropes for the break, only to be dropped straight down for a slight chuckle. Tokyo avoids a dropkick though and Kid….runs into him, allowing Tokyo to get the pin and the title at 7:36.

Rating: D. Yes they gave this the most time of anything so far tonight and while it could have been worse, this was almost the cherry on the sundae of horrible ideas. This felt like it belonged in 1984 or so, and given how many things that could apply to on this show, it seems that things are kind of going badly around here. In other words, this is reaching torture levels all over again.

Post match Abrams and Tokyo have a language barrier. How many times do we need to see him and his yellow coat tonight???

Here’s the same merchandise ad from before the previous match.

Sid says….something that audio doesn’t pick up for the most part but it sounds like he’s coming for Steve Williams and the World Title.

Samson vs. Irish Assassin

They’re both in good shape and Samson is replacing Hercules. This is billed as a REVENGE match, though they don’t actually explain what the revenge is for. They have the lamest lockup I can remember in a long time and Samson’s running shoulder bounces off of the Assassin. A running clothesline in the corner hits Samson as commentary recaps Little Tokyo winning the title. Samson avoids an elbow as Tolos talks about making Gianelli a better commentator. A slam and a suplex give Samson the pin at 4:45.

Rating: F. Sweet goodness man. I don’t remember the last time I saw a show this….lifeless. When you consider that I can’t find anything about Samson and Assassin was a nothing name, I’m not sure why in the world I’m supposed to care about revenge, when THEY DIDN’T SAY WHY THESE TWO ARE FIGHTING. The company isn’t running anything else at the moment, so how many places could they set up something like this? I’m being more and more dumbfounded by this show every match and it wasn’t a high bar to start things off.

CALL THE HOTLINE!

Steve Ray thinks Tyler Mane is tall but he doesn’t have any heart.

MGM Grand Title: Steve Ray vs. Tyler Mane

For the inaugural title. Mane dabbled in WCW for a bit but is far more famous as Sabretooth in the first series of X-Men movies. Granted the pelt with a lion’s head over his stomach is rather noteworthy in its own right. Ray is the Wild Thing and seems to be something like a rock star/Lionheart Chris Jericho type. After Ray makes sure his jacket is taken care of, we’re ready to go with commentary comparing Mane to Big John Studd. An armdrag and clothesline put Mane on the floor but he’s back in to slam his way out of a crossbody attempt.

Ray is fine enough to start in on the leg and the cranking ensues. We pause for a second so the referee can check on the knee, allowing Mane to get in a cheap shot and take over. A chokeslam (not named because….it’s such a complicated concept I guess) plants Ray but he’s back back with a grab of the leg. Mane low bridges him to the floor so Ray tries a sunset flip, only to have Mane sit down on it while grabbing the rope (again, right in front of the referee) for the pin and the title at 6:26.

Rating: D. Again, it says a lot when this is the kind of match that is near the high point of the show. It was a big man vs. small man match with Ray trying to have some energy but not being able to deal with the power. Now that being said, the horrible refereeing at the end hurt it a lot, and it’s not like this show has any benefit of the doubt. Another bad match on the show, which is completely beyond saving in case that wasn’t clear yet.

Post match Abrams presents Mane with the title. Mane, who is taller than Mulligan, says the fat lady just sung on Ray. True actually, as this was his last match for both guys.

Women’s Title: Candy Divine vs. Tina Moretti

For the vacant title and Moretti is better known as Ivory. The pre-match gaffe is on the announcer, as he introduces Divine (yes DIVINE, which is not the hardest word to read, pronounce, spell or understand) as Candy Devian. That’s another level of bad and as a result it fits in perfectly here. Even commentary blasts him for that screwup. Divine popped up in various promotions and was one of the bigger names of her time for outside the WWF. Moretti is billed from Italy, which is rather odd after listening to Ivory for years.

Commentary is all about how the women look as Divine is dropkicked to the floor to start but they switch places in a hurry. Back in and Divine works on an armbar but gets rolled up for a fast two. Divine fights up and chokes in the corner, which Tolos calls a good wrestling move. Moretti gets slammed out of the corner and Divine gets the pin and the title at 3:11.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure what happened there but it was an abrupt ending to an already bad match. Women’s wrestling was absolutely nothing in America at this point so you can’t get too annoyed. Also given how bad some of the things on this show have been, a three minute match is hard to get annoyed over. Take that for what you will.

Post match, the announcer says Devian for the fifth time.

Steve Williams is standing in front of a cutout of himself and says he respects Sid Vicious. He can’t get Hulk Hogan or Ric Flair on the phone but he’ll face Sid tonight. Really not the image you want to present but that’s the least of their problems.

Tag Team Titles: Killer Bees vs. The New Powers Of Pain

For the inaugural titles and that would be Warlord/Power Warrior, the latter being a guy who didn’t do much in his career. Announcer: “And we have a battle royal coming up.” No, we don’t, thank goodness. Blair (who apparently has a great gym) starts with Warrior, who shoves him away without much effort. An armbar has no effect on Warrior and Blair is starting to look a little unsure.

We get a quick recap of some of the things that have happened tonight, which makes me feel better about forgetting them. Brunzell comes in for a double hiptoss but Warlord comes in with a bearhug. That doesn’t last long so Warlord has to slam his way out of an armbar. Warrior comes back in and gets taken down by the leg in a hurry because he isn’t the worker that the Warlord is. Blair stays on the leg but Warrior kicks him into the ropes so Warlord can low bridge him to the floor.

The bearhug goes on back inside but Blair is out in a hurry, allowing the hot tag to Brunzell to take over on Warrior. A catapult into a top rope clothesline drops Warrior as the referee is knocked outside. Cue someone who looks like Warrior (his other brother in the Power Twins) for a full nelson on Blair. Warlord goes up….and we cut to Brunzell throwing the referee back in and we come back to Blair covering Warrior for the pin and the titles at 11:50.

Rating: D. They were having a better match than usual (for this show at least) until the ending, which we didn’t actually get to see. Let me repeat that: you couldn’t actually see the part of the match that actually mattered in any way. Throw in that one of the villains had an evil twin and they managed to lose anyway and I think you know all you need to know about this one.

Jimmy Snuka says there are no two pieces of matter that can occupy the same space at the same time. I’m not sure what that has to do with anything but he says he’s going to fly.

Merch plug, the threequel.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Cactus Jack

Lumberjack match, so the ring announcer says “our next match is for the lumberjack match.” Oh and Cactus Jack is “a mean guy”. Announcer: “You’re going to see a battle royal.” Can we get him to stop saying that or at least find out what it means? Pretty much everyone else on the show so far are the lumberjacks, who get a round of applause of their own and their own individual introductions. Jack shakes his hand and grabs a headlock as we hear about Jack losing his ear.

Snuka reverses into one of his own, which really, really impresses Tolos for some reason. A shoulder puts Jack down as the announcers are talking about bets on the match. Jack knees him in the ribs to send things outside for a bit but makes the mistake of headbutting Snuka. That’s enough to send Jack to the floor but he’s sent back inside as Herb Abrams comes to commentary to talk about how great this is.

The brawl goes over to the commentary table (Gianelli: “THIS SHOULDN’T HAPPEN IN AMERICA!”) but the fight back inside where Jack grabs a chinlock. Back up and Snuka tries a shoulder, only to bounce off of Jack and over the top. They fight into the crowd with Snuka hitting him in the head with a chair….and that’s a double DQ at 9:03. Yes in a lumberjack. Announcer: “I’ve never seen anything like this!” There’s a reason for that man.

Rating: F. Mick Foley is my favorite wrestler of all time and probably always will be. I know it means the world to him to be in the ring with his idol in Snuka, but they had a double DQ in a freaking lumberjack match after nine other matches on this show. In this case, you kind of can blame him because, as a huge Snuka fan, he refused to let Snuka lose to him here so this was the best they had. Points for the respect but….dang man.

Post match they keep brawling into the empty chairs, which is about as dumb of an idea as you can have in any situation.

Herb Abrams shouts that this is the main event, thank goodness.

UWF World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Steve Williams

Williams is defending. Announcer: “It’s time to get rocking and rolling. And I’m getting out of here.” They trade shoulders to start as we hear about Williams being the All Japan Triple Crown Champion. Sid kicks him in the face for a knockdown and it’s time to crank on Williams’ arms. Williams can’t quite reverse so he goes to the ropes for the break instead. Tolos does his best Jim Ross impression to list off all of Williams’ accomplishments as the announcers treat this like the greatest thing they have ever seen.

A chokeslam plants Williams and Sid whips him hard into the corner. Tolos: “If they went into the New York Stock Market, do you think their stock would go up overnight???” Gianelli: “I don’t know.” Sid gets two off a slam and we’re off to the chinlock. They even lay down a bit as this has already been a bit much for them.

Williams fights up and slugs away….as the mat starts coming up like there’s a bubble inside, because OF FREAKING COURSE IT DOES! Williams hits a splash in the corner for two but misses a middle rope shoulder. Sid goes up top (oh boy) but Williams backdrops him down and hits the Doctor Bomb, drawing in Dan Spivey for the DQ at 11:02.

Rating: D-. They were having a watchable power match until the ending but my goodness man. THE RING wanted out of this show and was giving up by the end. It could have been a lot worse but the ending didn’t help anything and teasing a rematch on this show was as dumb as it could have been. Not the worst match on the show, but a perfect way to end things.

Post match the beatdown is on with Williams being double powerbombed. Johnny Ace comes in for the save.

Post break, Abrams asks if Williams will defend the title against Sid in a cage. Williams says he’ll sign a contract if Abrams gets one together before he leaves.

Merch plug, featuring the now dastardly Sid.

Abrams yells at Sid and Spivey, with the former blaming Blackjack Mulligan for being his mentor.

Commentary says next time will be even more treacherous.

Since this show just can’t end, Abrams and Mulligan (who has the World Title for some reason) talks about how this was a Skyscrapers (Sid/Spivey) plan all along. Abrams promises (or maybe warns) us about a sequel to end the show.

Overall Rating: Awbooga. That’s how Abrams, legendary cocaine addict that he was, would probably try to spell wrestling at this point, because WOW. This is one of the all time insane shows that you almost have to see to believe. There is nothing approaching good, nothing approaching normal, and nothing approaching ANYTHING that should be taking place in 1994 on this show.

I know Abrams was kind of a kook (that’s putting it mildly) but sweet goodness this was awful, with one random title match after another and nothing even partially good. The people here are talented wrestlers, or at least they were a few years earlier when they were still regularly wrestling and not ancient in some cases. It’s not the complete train wreck of something like Heroes of Wrestling, but with a barely there (and barely audible) crowd, the disaster on commentary and ring announcing and such low level wrestling, this is a complete mess and something just more depressing than anything else.

The biggest problem here is the wrestling, as they seem to think that any of this stuff matters just because you throw a title or the REVENGE MATCH moniker onto a match. It doesn’t help if there are no stakes to the title or reasons for these people to be fighting and it showed badly. All time awful show, and now I’m off to have nightmares of Abrams screaming in my face while Mulligan is there every time for no apparent reason other than he’s been paid in advance. Avoid this one unless you’re in for a train wreck of Star Fox 64 Forever Train level proportions.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Slamboree 1993
Date: May 23, 1993
Location: The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 7,008
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko

It’s another request and I’ve ignored my list of shows for long enough now. This is billed as A Legends Reunion, meaning we could be in for some older wrestlers stealing the show. That being said, it’s 1993 WCW so I wouldn’t get my hopes up. The main event is Davey Boy Smith challenging Vader for the World Title so the confidence isn’t the strongest. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how the legends are here along with the superstars of today. Cool concept but the execution needs to work.

The legends (and there are a lot of them) are in the ring, including Nick Bockwinkel, Dory Funk Jr., Don Owen, Magnum TA, Lou Thesz Dusty Rhodes and many more.

Commentary welcomes us to the show, with Larry saying that time fears only the pyramids and old wrestlers.

Maxx Payne, with his guitar Norma Jean, plays a bunch of men carrying a covered….I guess the word is throne, to the ring. It’s the Fabulous Moolah, who belongs on a list of legends but it’s WEIRD seeing her in WCW.

Eric Bischoff and Missy Hyatt welcome us to the show and run down part of the card…but the lights go out. Because WCW. Since it’s not good to look at people in the dark (It hurts your eyes, much like watching 1993 WCW), we go to an awkward shot of the legends shuffling out of the ring instead while Eric and Missy keep talking. They do mix it up with some shots of the crowd before going back to Eric and Missy to talk about Vader vs. Bulldog. We move over to the Hollywood Blonds, who Missy finds sexy.

2 Cold Scorpio/Marcus Bagwell vs. Bobby Eaton/Chris Benoit

Benoit was still brand new here, having had a match with Scorpio at SuperBrawl and a few TV matches. Other than that, he was basically a complete unknown on the national stage. Scorpio was one of roughly 34 partners Bagwell had during his three year run as Rookie Of The Year. We get some dancing from the faces to start, with Scorpio being a bit better than Bagwell. Benoit and Scorpio start things off with Scorpio sending him down with some early armdrags.

A spinning middle rope crossbody gets two on Benoit, with Eaton hitting his partner by mistake on the save. The villains are cleared from the ring and we settle down to Bagwell working on Eaton’s arm. Eaton is sent over the top, prompting commentary to try and figure out the over the top rule for the 183^rd time. Benoit is whipped into Eaton before a dropkick puts him on the floor as well.

Back in and Bagwell trades arm control with Eaton, who has Benoit distract the referee so he can throw Bagwell over the top. See that one was illegal because a villain did it and it’s too early for a Dusty Finish (if you have a better way to figure out that stupid rule, have at it). Eaton drops the top rope knee (always looks good) on Bagwell and it’s off to Benoit for that hook clothesline of his. Benoit jumps up to the middle rope for a legdrop before it’s back to Eaton.

That means a distraction so Benoit can choke (You can see Eaton walking them through all of these old southern tag spots and that’s great to watch. There’s an art to this and if you have someone who knows what he’s doing, you can get a heck of a match out of people who don’t have much in the way of characters or a feud.).

Benoit comes in for a belly to back suplex into a figure four necklock, with Eaton being right there to grab the hands for the cheating. The top rope splash hits Bagwell’s raised knees though and the hot tag brings in Scorpio to clean house. Everything breaks down with Eaton having to make a save. Eaton hits Benoit by mistake and it’s the Tumbleweed (moonsault twisting into a legdrop, because Scorpio was doing THAT in 1993) for the pin at 9:25.

Rating: C+. See, now this worked out very well and I had a good time with it because it was a nice mixture. You had Benoit and Scorpio there for all of the cool spots and wrestling, with Eaton there to throw in an old spot which would still work every time to tie it together. If you have the talented people in there and the right mixture of styles, you can have a nice match. Or just have Eaton, because he’s one of the best tag team wrestlers ever.

We recap Colonel Robert Parker being beaten up by Van Hammer for not joining up with the Stud Stable. Parker wants revenge, and this won’t end well.

Sid Vicious vs. Van Hammer

This is Sid’s big return as a surprise and it’s a powerbomb for the pin at 35 seconds. Oh yeah that worked, as tends to be the case when Sid keeps things short.

Bischoff is with Red Bastien (he trained the Undertaker) and Bugsy McGraw (hey did you know that Red Bastien trained the Undertaker). Bastien thinks the wrestlers today are younger and faster while McGraw gives his usual promo about everything. By that I mean he isn’t sure which way to turn, walks around a lot, and rambles because he’s kind of nuts. Eric looks a little confused, as most people do. They say hi to their families, and Bugsy thinks Bischoff has on too much makeup.

Dick Murdoch/Don Muraco/Jimmy Snuka vs. Wahoo McDaniel/Blackjack Mulligan/Jim Brunzell

I would ask if these teams were pulled out of a hat but they very well might be, and that’s kind of cool. Mulligan comes in to a big pop and starts cranking on Snuka’s arm. Murdoch grabs Mulligan’s hair from the apron though and the fight is on, with Mulligan grabbing some armdrags. Tony goes into a history of everyone in here, which is quite the fascinating set of details as Tony is trying here. Murdoch needs a breather on the ramp so it’s Muraco coming in, only to get chopped down by McDaniel.

The villains take McDaniel into the corner but he slugs away on Murdoch, allowing the tag off to Brunzell. Just to show off, Murdoch busts out a flying headscissors (Larry: “How could Murdoch get that stomach up that high???”) but Brunzell slaps on a quick sleeper. That’s broken up with ease though and Muraco comes back in with a powerslam. Muraco clotheslines Snuka by mistake but Murdoch is right back in with a neckbreaker.

The big running elbow gets two with Mulligan and McDaniel making the save. It’s off to Snuka for the first time as Tony talks about Snuka’s heel days with Ray Stevens. Snuka accidentally hits Muraco though and a fight breaks out, allowing McDaniel to come in and roll Snuka up…for two. That almost looked like it was supposed to be the finish. Everything breaks down and the referee throws it out at 9:37.

Rating: C-. All in all, not too bad here as no one looked horrible or anything close to it. That being said, a no contest in a legends match??? They couldn’t have someone take a rollup pin here? That’s about as nuts as you can get on this show, but at least it wasn’t anything bad for the most part.

Mad Dog Vachon wishes he was in the ring and Mr. Assassin wants to fight Dusty Rhodes to settle things once and for all.

Ivan Koloff/Baron Von Raschke vs. Brad Armstrong/Thunderbolt Patterson

Brad, in street clothes, is substituting for Bob Armstrong, and we see clips of him anyway. Patterson says that Bob had a knee surgery and couldn’t be here. That’s all well and good, though I can’t get my head around a Nazi and a Russian teaming together. Patterson and Armstrong clear the ring in a hurry and the fans are rather pleased.

We settle down to Patterson dancing his way out of Raschke’s headlocks so it’s off to Armstrong working on Koloff’s arm. Tony is just firing off history and facts here and sweet goodness it’s amazing to hear this kind of commentary from his mouth. Armstrong gets out of the Claw and brings in Patterson for the gyrating comeback. Everything breaks down and Patterson hits a double chop to pin Raschke at 4:41.

Rating: D. Now this felt more like the bad match that you would have expected under the circumstances. It doesn’t help that Patterson was never good in the ring, Koloff looked old and Raschke has been old for the entire run of his career. That left Armstrong, who was a substitute in jeans. It was a weird fit, but at less than five minutes, it’s hard to get that annoyed.

And now, A Flair For The Gold (Ric Flair’s interview segment on a special set). Ric introduces Fifi the Maid (later his wife/life partner or whatever it is) and we hear Larry say “Hi John” in a line that wasn’t supposed to make air. Anyway Flair is ready to reunite the Horsemen and brings out Arn Anderson, who is ready to take the NWA World Title from Barry Windham. Now we have some bad news: Tully Blanchard isn’t here (in other words, they lied about having the original Horsemen here, which was a major selling point of the show), but Ole Anderson is! Uh, yay.

Ric has someone new on the team though….and it’s Paul Roma, marking probably the lowest point in the history of the Horsemen. Roma was nothing more than a low level/job guy in the WWF for years and now he’s supposed to be a Horseman. This is one of the all time biggest disappointments and it would never work, no matter how much Flair and Anderson tried to get him over. Complete misfire here, but would you expect anything less from 1993 WCW?

Johnny Valentine is on commentary. Ah that John.

Dory Funk Jr. vs. Nick Bockwinkel

Gene Kiniski and Verne Gagne are the seconds. It’s almost weird to see Bockwinkel, who is seven years older, looking ten years younger than Funk. Feeling out process to start with Bockwinkel going after the arm and Funk firing off the uppercuts for a less than scientific method. Bockwinkel’s hammerlock is taken into the corner for more uppercuts and a wristlock from Funk.

A headscissors with an armbar has Funk in trouble before Bockwinkel slams him down, sending Funk outside for a breather. Back in and Funk uppercuts him down, setting up another chinlock. Bockwinkel actually slugs his way out of the corner for two, with Kiniski possibly breaking up the pin. That means some glaring from Bockwinkel, allowing Funk to take him down with a front facelock.

Funk flips out of a Boston crab attempt and grabs a belly to back suplex for two. They fight over a double arm crank as we have five minutes left. You can hear some BORING chants as Funk uppercuts in the corner but Bockwinkel takes him down with a chinlock. Funk fights up and knocks him onto the ramp, setting up a suplex back in with two minutes left.

A piledriver plants Bockwinkel but he gets his foot on the rope. The backslide gives Bockwinkel two but Funk gets the spinning toehold. Bockwinkel grabs the Figure Four so Kiniski comes in for a stomp, which isn’t a DQ. Funk makes the rope and tries a small package but Bockwinkel is in the ropes as time expires at 15:00.

Rating: C. This was a little different as both guys can still do everything, but it wasn’t exactly thrilling. You could tell they were playing to the draw, which made a lot more sense in this match than in the six man. These two are top level legends and I can understand not wanting to say one is better than the other, though it only got exciting in the last few minutes.

Post match all four shake hands for the nice moment.

Lou Thesz is happy to be here and Bob Geigel liked the match. Thankfully Thesz is treated like the legend that he should be, though there is something weird about Mad Dog Vachon getting more time.

Rick Rude/Paul Orndorff vs. Kensuke Sasaki/Dustin Rhodes

Rude is US Champion and Orndorff is TV Champion. Rude mocks the much smaller (by comparison) Sasaki so Sasaki walks around him and shoves Rude HARD into the corner (Sasaki was fairly small but a powerhouse). It’s time to crank on Rude’s arm, with Sasaki picking him up without much effort. Rhodes comes in to work on Orndorff’s arm for a change and it’s Sasaki cranking on a hammerlock.

That doesn’t last long either so it’s back to Dustin vs. Rude in a rematch of how Rude won the US Title. Rhodes hammers away but gets sent outside for the crash on the floor. Back in and Rude snaps off a swinging neckbreaker before handing it back to Orndorff for an elbow to the face. Rude can’t hit a piledriver but Dustin can get in a Tombstone for two. That’s not enough for the hot tag though as Orndorff comes in to take Dustin into the corner, because Orndorff knows how to do the heel thing.

A double should gives us a double knockdown, allowing Dustin to roll over for the hot tag. Sasaki comes in with an atomic drop to Rude, meaning it’s time for a counter hip swivel. Some clotheslines set up a (half) gorilla press and Sasaki throws Rude at Orndorff, who ducks the contact in a landing that was funnier than it should have been. Everything breaks down and Orndorff shoves Sasaki off the top, setting up the Rude Awakening (not a great one) for the pin at 9:45, even with Sasaki flailing on the count.

Rating: C-. This felt like a featured match on Main Event or Saturday Night, meaning that while it was decent, there were some moments in there that looked rather sloppy. Rhodes was just kind of there as well, which is odd given that he was the main challenger for Rude at the moment. Not awful, but it was a weird kind of match.

It’s time for the inaugural Hall of Fame inductions, with Gordon Solie as Master Of Ceremonies. First, we run down a list of legends who have passed away, with one who will be announced later. After a moment, of silence, it’s time to announce the inductees, with each appearing in the ring and receiving a plaque.

Lou Thesz – Like anyone else could have been first.

Verne Gagne – They said this was going across all promotions and this is as good as anyone else.

Mr. Wrestling II – Not the biggest national name, but he was a huge star in his day.

Eddie Graham – If you’ve seen any modern finish, odds are he made it famous (represented by his son Mike).

Lord James Blears and John Tolos love wrestling, with Blears giving Missy Hyatt his monocle.

Sting vs. The Prisoner

That would be Nailz, this would be a Bounty Match (because someone wants Sting taken out) and Prisoner was supposed to be Scott Norton. Prisoner chokes him down to start and chokes even more in the corner, followed by even more choking in the middle. Sting avoids a charge in the corner and the strike off is on, with Prisoner sending him outside. That means a posting for Sting but he avoids a charge in the corner back inside. The Stinger Splash gets two but a regular splash hits knees. Prisoner goes after the referee so Sting goes up top for a clothesline and the pin at 5:17.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as Prisoner wasn’t exactly good on his best day and he was even worse here. Sting was the top face in the company at this point and he was in a match against someone thrown out there to give him a victory. It was smart to get them out of there in a hurry though, as there wasn’t much that could be done in this case.

The cage is set up for the next match.

The Crusher, with big cigar, is ready to send Ox Baker’s head through a cage because he wrestled more cage matches than anyone else. Ox Baker loves to hurt people and did it better than Crusher. He loves everyone and nearly gets in a fight with Crusher, but hugs Eric Bischoff instead.

Tag Team Titles: Hollywood Blonds vs. Dos Hombres

The Blonds (Steve Austin/Brian Pillman, which I hope you knew already) are defending in a cage and….egads Dos Hombres. So the Blonds beat Shane Douglas and Ricky Steamboat to win the titles, so they dressed up like luchadors and stole a quick win to set up the title match. The catch though is Douglas had left the company before the angle happened, so it was Brad Armstrong under the mask in the first match and it’s Tom Zenk here, but commentary goes along with the idea of it being Douglas. Steamboat says they’re here for a title shot so you can hear his voice, but the other is silent for reasons of THAT’S NOT DOUGLAS.

We see two guys in the crowd who are….not exactly identified but they might be agents or the mob. Anyway Austin goes for Steamboat’s mask to start but gets chopped into the corner, meaning it’s Pillman coming in instead. Pillman is sent face first into the cage as Larry talks about how much he hates cages, so Tony talks about Larry vs. Sammartino for a bit. Zenk comes in to work on the arm and we look at the guys in the audience again. It’s off to Austin, who is sent back first into the cage over and over.

Steamboat’s backdrop sends Austin’s feet into the cage and then the rest of him goes in as well. Austin pokes Zenk in the eye though and it’s back to Pillman for a bit of an awkward sequence to set up some choking. Steamboat is back in to gorilla press Pillman into the cage and there’s a suplex into the cage to leave Austin hanging by his legs (cool visual). Steamboat mocks the Blonds’ camera deal and hands it back to Zenk, who is whipped into the cage instead of into Austin to put the champs in control for the first time.

Pillman starts choking away as Tony recaps the night and Larry tries to figure out who those guys at ringside are. Austin drops the middle rope elbow and Pillman slugs away, followed by the choking in the corner. A raised boot knocks Pillman out of the air but it’s right back to Austin, who is kicked into the cage. Pillman’s top rope splash hits raised knees as Larry talks about what a legend Austin will be in a few years. The hot tag brings in Steamboat for those chops of his as everything breaks down.

An electric chair out of the corner drops Austin and Pillman gets crotched on the top (Larry: “AND NO COMMENT!”) as everything breaks down. The Hombres hammer away in the corner and Steamboat takes off his mask (thank goodness) to hit a high crossbody onto both Blonds for….well two but the bell rings anyway but we keep going. Eh timekeepers screw up everywhere. Stereo dropkicks get stereo near falls for the Hombres but it’s a quick Stun Gun to give Austin the pin on Zenk at 16:08.

Rating: B-. It’s a match that was put on all kinds of DVDs for some reason, even though it wasn’t all that great. The Hombres deal was only so good but at least it was something to make the match a little more interesting. The talent was there (Zenk was good enough) but it was just kind of going along until the ending without much being built up.

On the replays, Larry says the high crossbody was a perfect impression of….Captain Planet.

The cage is taken down so we talk to Dusty Rhodes, Mr. Wrestling II and Stu Hart. Dusty accepts the Assassin’s challenge, Mr. Wrestling knows Dusty is ready to accept the Assassin’s challenge (and thanks WCW for all of the honors) and Hart talks about wrestling being in his family. He hopes British Bulldog wins tonight, which is about as emotional as Hart was going to get.

NWA World Title: Barry Windham vs. Arn Anderson

Barry is defending as I continue to be astounded by the NWA still being around in such a role in 1993. Anderson shoulders him down for a fast two as commentary puts over what a big night it is for him. Barry knocks him back into the corner as we talk about how big a night it is for the Horsemen. Dude Paul Roma joined the team. There’s nothing big about that other than a big mistake.

A quick DDT gives Arn two and Windham bails out to the ramp. They switch places and Windham gets in a knee lift to stagger Arn, followed by knocking him out of the air. Anderson manages to leverage him from the apron to the floor, meaning it’s time to figure out the over the top rule too. Barry goes head first into the barricade, which is legal in the NWA but illegal in WCW, so the match keeps going. It keeps going with Barry cut open on the forehead, but it does keep going.

Back in and we hit the chinlock, only to have Windham pop up and dropkick him off the top. Back in again and a top rope clothesline drops Anderson, setting up a knee drop to the back for two. Half of Windham’s face is covered in blood but he’s fine enough to hit a floatover suplex for another near fall. Anderson gets in the spinebuster for a big reaction but Windham rolls to the floor and grabs the belt. The referee gets bumped as Barry is leaving so Anderson throws him back in. Anderson knocks the referee down again by mistake though and it’s a belt shot to give Barry the pin at 10:56.

Rating: B. I’ve always liked both guys and this was one of Arn’s biggest singles matches ever so it’s no surprise that the results worked. The NWA didn’t mean anything by this point and Barry would lose the title to the returning Ric Flair at the next pay per view, but at least they had one good, old school match here before Windham faded into complete obscurity.

WCW World Title: Big Van Vader vs. British Bulldog

The Bulldog is challenging and Vader has Harley Race with him. They fight over the power game to start with neither being able to get very far. Vader’s shoulder doesn’t send Bulldog anywhere and Vader needs to think about that. Another shot has Bulldog bouncing off the ropes but he’s right back in Vader’s face. With that not working, Vader just unloads on him in the corner (Vader could do that like no one else) and Bulldog is knocked outside for a shot from Race.

Vader goes outside too but gets knocked over the barricade for his efforts. Back in and Bulldog manages the delayed vertical suplex (my eyes popped open) but Vader kicks him away. The middle rope dive into the powerslam (take a shot) sets up a running clothesline to put Vader on the floor again. Back in and Vader just blasts him to take over and drops an elbow on the leg.

The Vader Bomb gets two and Vader hits him in the face a few times. Vader’s middle rope standing body splash has Bulldog in more trouble and it’s time to hammer away in the corner again. They fight over a superplex until Bulldog throws him face first down onto the mat. A headbutt stuns Bulldog more than Vader and there’s a hard clothesline to put Bulldog down again.

Vader misses a sitdown splash though and Bulldog gets two, only to have Vader hit him in the face for another knockdown. There’s a top rope splash but Vader bangs up his ribs in the process. To mix it up a bit, Vader pounds him down in the corner and now the sitdown splash connects. We hit the reverse chinlock but Bulldog lifts him up into an electric chair, as you do to VADER. Bulldog manages the powerslam but Race makes the save. They head outside and it’s a chair to Bulldog for the DQ at 16:14.

Rating: C+. This was good to start but then went a bit long in the middle and had a lame ending. The problem was they kind of ran out of ways to do things to each other and that made for a pretty long ten or so minute stretch, which is quite a bit too much in a match like this. Bulldog was rolling at the beginning, but this needed to be about four minutes shorter.

Post match Vader loads up a powerbomb but Sting comes in for the save.

Magnum TA thinks that was great and they’re not done.

Verne Gagne thinks that was neat and we’re out.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: B-. It was quite an up and down show which isn’t all that surprising. The legends stuff was probably a lot more interesting than what we would have gotten from a regular show from the era, but stuff like not delivering the Horsemen and having Roma as a sub was a big hit. Nothing is a blow away match but you have more than enough stuff to make the time go by. I liked it well enough and it’s nice to have something to get away from the modern stuff for a change.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Royal Rumble 1992
Date: January 19, 1992
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This year’s Rumble is often called the greatest ever, but I wonder how much of that is because of Bobby Heenan’s masterful commentary. The WWF Title is on the line in the Rumble, which to date (2012) is the only time this has ever happened. I could see that being a really good stipulation again, but for some reason it never has again. I remember loving this show so let’s get to it.

We start with the usual listing of most of the people in the Rumble, all of whom are #1 contenders I suppose.

Heenan is betting on Flair for tonight’s Rumble. Also we’ve got a NEW Intercontinental Champion as Mountie has beaten Bret Hart over the weekend. Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

Orient Express vs. New Foundation

It’s Owen/Neidhart as the Foundation here. Owen and Kato start thing off here. All four guys look like they’re in pajamas here. Owen takes him down to the mat by the arm before climbing up the ropes (not in the corner mind you but just the ropes) to backflip into the ring for an armdrag. A rana puts Kato down and it’s off to Neidhart vs. Tanaka. Tanaka gets run over as well, so here’s Owen to beat him up.

Tanaka gets caught by an enziguri and it’s back to Neidhart. The Express gets clotheslined down by Jim and Owen adds a double cross body for two. A spinwheel kick gets the same for Hart so Kato tries to come in sans tag. The distraction lets Fuji hit Owen with the cane to finally give the Express control. Tanaka hooks a chinlock as this isn’t exactly as fast paced as last year’s opener.

Owen gets to do Bret’s chest to the buckle bump before charging into a superkick in the other corner for two. After Kato comes in and does nothing, here’s Tanaka again for a headbutt to the abdomen. A chinlock goes nowhere but a headbutt gets two on Owen. Neidhart gets the tag but the referee doesn’t see it of course. The distraction allows Fuji to put the cane on the corner and Owen’s shoulder goes through it in a loud crunch.

It only gets two though as Owen gets a leg over the rope. Kato channels his inner Anderson with a hammerlock slam before it’s back to Tanaka. Owen finally escapes and things break down for a bit, resulting in a double clothesline for two on Hart. A superkick to the chest doesn’t put Owen down, but Tanaka jumping over Kato to land on Hart’s back does. Hart comes back with a dropkick to take out both members of the Express at once. There’s the hot tag to Neidhart and house is cleaned. Owen dives onto Kato before a Rocket Launcher gets the pin on Tanaka.

Rating: B-. Decent match here but it felt like they were trying to do the same match that worked so well in 1991. The problem was the Express wasn’t anything that good anymore and the team was gone almost immediately after this. Either way, the match wasn’t bad and it’s fine for an opener. The New Foundation never quite did anything until 1994 when Owen was a heel.

We get a clip from the house show where Mountie won the IC Title from Bret. Post match he kept beating on Bret but Roddy Piper came out for the save.

Jimmy and Mountie brag about winning the title. Mountie is ready for Piper tonight.

Piper is ready for Mountie and tells Mountie to just try to take his manhood.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. The Mountie

Piper slowly removes his kilt and Mountie cracks jokes. When the champ turns his head, Piper shoves the kilt in his face and takes over quickly. We head to the floor with Mountie quickly reeling. Back in the ring and Mountie chokes a bit before getting punched in the face. A very delayed bulldog puts Mountie down and Piper easily wins a slugout. He misses a dropkick though and Mountie puts on a half nelson. A jumping back elbow gets two for Mountie as does a sunset flip for Piper. Piper atomic drops him to the apron but Mountie skins the cat. He also collides with Jimmy Hart and the sleeper gives Piper the title.

Rating: D. The match itself sucked but there was never any doubt about this match at all. Mountie is about as textbook a definition of a transitional champion as you’ll ever see and the place went NUTS when Piper won the title. This would be Piper’s only singles title in the WWF and his only title period (other than those before he got to the WWF in the first place) until he won the US Title in WCW for less than two weeks.

Hogan says he has no friends in the Rumble tonight. He talks to Lord Alfred Hayes about tea because Hayes is British and that’s about it.

The Bushwhackers and Jamison…..oh geez it’s him. This is one of the most annoying characters in wrestling history. He’s supposed to be the ultimate nerd, with a nasal voice, taped up glasses, a suit that doesn’t fit, and every other stereotype you can think of. Oh and he smells like sardines apparently. Let’s get this over with.

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

This is more about the managers (Genius and Jamison respectively) more than the teams. Jamison chews on his tie as the Whackers do their arm thing to the audience. The Whackers lick each other and Jamison pulls out a roll for a snack. One of the Beverlies slaps Butch in the head so the Beverlies get chased to the floor. We FINALLY get started with Blake vs. Luke with the blonde (the Beverlies) in control.

The Beverly gets bitten on the tights and the Whackers clear the ring again. Jamison throws bread at Genius as the match stalls again. Now Jamison blows his nose in his sock. The fans don’t care at all here. Beau comes in now to beat on Butch but for the third time in like five minutes the Whackers clear the ring again. The Beverlies try to sneak up on the Whackers but keep getting chased off.

Double teaming to Luke’s back finally gets us down to a match, but let’s keep the camera on Jamison. Jamison keeps chewing on his tie as this keeps up the dullness. A guillotine gets two on Luke as we hit the highlight of the match. No seriously, other than that it’s been “comedy” and punching. Genius slaps Jamison to no reaction from anyone at all. A neckbreaker and legdrop hit Luke for no cover. Luke gets away with a move that I’m too bored to remember and it’s off to Butch. Things break down and Beau hits a top rope ax handle on Butch for the pin.

Rating: T. As in The Worst Match In Rumble History. Literally. Up to this point the Rumble has had some dull matches but this was absolutely horrible. There’s nothing of value here at all and it went on for FIFTEEN MINUTES. The Beverlies weren’t even over so this just kept going and going without ever getting anywhere. Absolutely terrible.

Jamison kicks Genius in the shin post match in another moment that gets no reaction.

The LOD says they’ll still have the belts after tonight and the Disasters’ tongues will be hanging out like dead deer. Did I mention Hawk was pretty insane at this point?

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. Natural Disasters

LOD is defending here. Typhoon (formerly Tugboat) and Hawk start things off. They collide a few times with no one going anywhere so Hawk goes up and takes Typhoon down with a top rope clothesline. Off to Quake who Hawk can’t hurt either. A dropkick doesn’t have any effect so Hawk convinces Quake to try one of his own. Guess how well that one goes. Off to Animal for a slugout which is a draw.

Animal starts hitting the ropes and speeds WAY up before they hit a double clothesline to put both guys down. Animal picks up Quake for a slam but can’t turn him over, giving Quake two. Off to Typhoon who gets kicked in the face and clotheslined down. Back to the Bird Man as we get a lot more of the collisions that went over so well earlier. Typhoon finally takes him down and Hawk is in trouble via a lot of back pain.

It’s time for the hallmark of any power match: the bearhug. Quake comes back in and walks over Hawk a few times. Back to the bearhug for a little more time killing until it’s finally back to Animal. Everybody brawls to the floor and it’s a lame double countout. Oh wait Typhoon got back in so the Disasters win. Sure why not.

Rating: D. I love the LOD but this match sucked. At the end of the day, this was the totally wrong matchup for them as their entire offense revolved around throwing people around. This was around the time when Hawk was literally on the verge of a breakdown every day but Vince couldn’t quite convince then to drop the titles, until they did it on a house show which was never aired because LOD didn’t want to lose their heat. It was a different time to say the least.

The Disasters and Hart yell in the back a lot.

Roddy Piper is all fired up about winning the title and dedicates the win to his son Colt. He wants the world title now.

We get a clip from the Barber Shop incident where Shawn turned heel, igniting his singles push in the greatest team split ever.

Ric Flair says he drew #3 but when your name is Ric Flair, that’s not a problem. This is a Coliseum Video exclusive so Heenan doesn’t know yet.

Time for the interviews from people in the Rumble: Savage, Sid, Repo Man, Bulldog, Roberts, Flair (with Perfect talking with him too. You know, because Flair needs someone to talk for him), Undertaker (Bearer talks for him a bit too) and Hogan.

We get a statement from the biggest waste of oxygen that has ever been a boss in wrestling, Jack Tunney. He basically says the winner of this (he forgets the name of the Rumble) is the world champion. As he’s talking, here’s a recap of the title situation. Taker beat Hogan for the title at Survivor Series but Flair interfered. Hogan got a rematch about a week later but also kind of cheated to win it back. The title was vacated and put up for grabs in this year’s Rumble, making it by far the biggest Rumble of all time up to that point.

Royal Rumble

Davey Boy Smith is #1 and DiBiase is #2. The slugout is on quickly with Bulldog pounding away but getting sent to the apron. DiBiase stops paying attention and doesn’t realize that Smith didn’t hit the floor. A clothesline is enough to get rid of DiBiase and leave Bulldog alone in the ring. In at #3: Ric Flair. Heenan: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” Gorilla starts listing off stats about how Flair has no chance and Heenan explodes. He says he can’t be objective and you can hear Gorilla roll his eyes.

The gorilla press puts Flair down but he pokes Smith in the eyes to get a breather. It’s only temporary though as Davey clotheslines him down. Jerry Sags is #4 and HE BE CLUBBERIN TONY!!! Smith gets double teamed as Heenan is trying to figure out how long Flair would have to be in the match. Smith comes back with a double clothesline and knocks Sags out. Notice how they’re keeping the ring emptier here, which is a very good change from the 1991 version.

Haku is #5 and he immediately goes after Smith. Flair goes after Haku, sending Heenan into another fit. “HAVE YOU GONE NUTS???” Flair heads to the floor under the rope as Haku hits a piledriver on Smith. Flair goes after Haku again and hits the knee drop. Haku pounds on Ric in the corner but Smith tosses the Tongan. Shawn Michaels is #6 and he starts firing away punches to Flair. A superkick drops Flair and a gorilla press drops Shawn. I’ll let you guess who slammed Michaels.

Flair comes back to drop both guys as Heenan wants a drink. His panic in every line he says is great stuff. Shawn gets caught on the ropes and crotched, followed by Davey throwing him to the apron. Tito Santana is #7 as we get down to a decent tag match, another Rumble tradition. Flair gets Smith to the apron but Tito saves. In far less than two minutes, it’s Barbarian at #8. Heenan: “He doesn’t like anybody. When I managed him he barely liked me!”

Things slow down a bit as Davey keeps getting sent to the apron. Flair tries to dump Tito and Shawn at the same time but can’t get either guy out. Texas Tornado is #9 and Heenan is losing it. “THEY JUST KEEP GETTING BIGGER!” Von Erich goes right after Flair before shifting over to Michaels. Smith slingshots Michaels, who has to jump a LONG way to get to the buckle.

Santana stomps on Flair as Repo Man is #10. Santana hits a cross body on Barbarian and Flair hits Tornado with LOUD chops. Valentine is #11 and he gets in a chopping match with Flair. Shawn is literally hanging on by his feet. Nikolai Volkoff is #12 (Heenan: “A 320lb Lithuanian!” but Repo Man dumps him in about a minute. Apparently he was a sub for Jannetty after the window thing. That makes more sense. While that’s going on, Valentine has Flair in the Figure Four to send Heenan into a new level of panic.

The Boss Man is #13 and he punches everyone in sight. Valentine is out and Shawn starts his goofy selling. Boss Man throws out Repo Man, giving us a current grouping of Von Erich, Michaels, Boss Man, Haku, Santana, Smith and Flair. Flair backdrops Smith out and does the same to Von Erich in just a few seconds. Hercules is #14 as Santana and Shawn eliminate each other.

Barbarian helps Flair with Boss Man, so Flair turns on Barbarian because he, you know, Flair. Hercules dumps Barbarian so Flair dumps Hercules. It’s Boss Man and Flair alone now as Heenan needs oxygen. Boss Man hits a spin kick of all things and a right hand, but misses a charge and eliminates himself. Heenan: “FLAIR WINS!”

Piper is #15 and the crowd is right back into this. We’re clearly into the second stage now and Heenan LOSES IT. Piper backdrops him down and they head to the floor for a bit. Back in and Piper goes old school with an airplane spin, making Bobby want to cry. There’s the sleeper but Jake Roberts is #16. This is when he’s pure evil so the crowd goes into a hush. Jake sits in the corner as Flair is still in the sleeper.

Roberts finally breaks up the hold and works over Piper before hitting the short clothesline o Flair. Piper breaks up the DDT (Heenan: “Oh thank you Piper. It’s not a skirt, it’s a kilt!”) and Flair puts Jake in the Figure Four, only to have Piper stomp away on Ric (Heenan: “YOU NO GOOD DIRTY SKUNK! IT IS A SKIRT!”). Jim Duggan is #17 and he immediately goes after Flair in the corner.

Jake atomic drops Duggan to put all four guys on the mat for a breather. IRS is #18 and he too goes after Flair. Duggan grabs IRS by the tie (Heenan: “He’s got him by the tongue!”) and pounds away. Duggan saves Piper for no apparent reason and Flair gets beaten up some more. Snuka is #19 and for some reason he saves Flair. Snuka headbutts Duggan which has no effect on either guy of course. Flair, ever the grateful guy, pokes Snuka in the eye.

Piper chops Flair half to death in the corner and the Undertaker is #20. At the moment we’ve got Taker, Flair, Piper, Snuka, IRS, Roberts and Duggan in the ring. Taker immediately knocks out Snuka, so Flair goes after the Dead Man. Heenan: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???” Duggan goes over to Taker and is immediately kicked in the balls. We get one of the major clock issues that would happen throughout the match, as Gorilla says Flair has been in there over 42 minutes. The whole match hasn’t even gone 38 yet and Flair didn’t even start. This will get stretched even farther later.

IRS goes to the middle rope for some reason but hops down a few seconds later. Taker grabs Duggan and Flair by the throat as Randy Savage is #21. Roberts immediately hides on the floor until Taker decks Savage. Randy ducks Jake’s short clothesline and ERUPTS on him, eliminating Roberts via a high knee. Savage screws up by jumping over the top to get to Roberts. Taker goes to the floor and throws him back in, but Savage goes after Jake again. The ruling is that Savage wasn’t thrown to the floor so he’s still in. Ignore Andre eliminating himself in 1989 of course.

Flair comes back with a low blow on Taker which has zero effect at all. Berzerker is #22 and we’ve got IRS, Berzerker, Duggan, Savage, Flair, Piper and Undertaker. Berzerker hits a choke bomb on Savage as Virgil is #23. Everyone goes into one corner of the ring for some reason, with Flair chopping at Taker like a schmuck. Colonel Mustafa (Iron Sheik) is #24. Things slow down a bit as we need someone to come in and clear things out. Rick Martel is #25 and he pounds on the other Ric in the corner.

Savage dumps Mustafa and gets chokes by Taker for his efforts. Hogan is #26 (does he EVER get a bad number?) and he goes right for Taker and Flair. Heenan starts bargaining with God as Martel is sent through the ropes to the floor. Hogan clotheslines Taker out and dumps Berzerker as well. Duggan and Virgil put each other out as the ring clears up a lot. Skinner is #27, giving us Skinner, Hogan, Flair, Piper, Savage, Martel and IRS.

Hogan puts Flair on the apron as Heenan wants another drink. A clothesline puts Flair down again and Sgt. Slaughter is #28. Someone dumps Skinner as Flair officially gets the Rumble record. Sure why not. Sid Justice is #29 and he goes for IRS. Flair pounds on Hogan before shifting over to Sid. Flair pulls Sid to the mat but Sid nips up and clotheslines him down. Warlord is #30, giving us a final grouping of Martel, Piper, Hogan, Flair, Savage, Sid, Slaughter, IRS and Warlord.

Hogan and Flair fight on the floor with Flair getting suplexed. Slaughter gets eliminated by Sid and Hogan kicks Flair down. Piper is sent to the apron by IRS but Piper grabs the tie to eliminate the tax dude. Hogan Hulks Up on Flair but stops to eliminate Warlord with Sid’s help. Justice dumps Martel and Piper, giving us a final four of Savage, Flair, Hogan and Sid. That’s quite a group.

Sid tosses Savage and Flair tries to chop Hogan in the corner because that’s what Ric Flair does. In a famous ending, Hogan punches Flair to the apron but as he’s dumping Ric out, Sid comes up from behind to dump Hulk. Hogan grabs Sid’s arm, allowing Flair to come up from behind and dump Justice, giving Flair the title and send Bobby into orgasmic bliss.

Rating: A. This is Ric Flair’s coming out party in the WWF and it worked perfectly. There are a few down parts to it and while the 1990 edition was more consistently exciting and had a better overall structure, this was all about drama. It also helps that the match actually meant something, as the title was officially on the line. Excellent Rumble and a true surprise to see Flair win the title.

Sid and Hogan have a shoving match post match, setting up their match at Wrestlemania.

Jack Tunney presents an exhausted Flair with the title in the back. Flair gives a victory speech, saying this is the greatest moment in his life. He says this is the only title that means you’re the best in the world and Heenan gushes some more.

Overall Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade because the stuff before the Rumble is HORRIBLE. The Rumble however is a masterpiece with Flair and it more than saves the show. There’s nothing else on the card that you would want to watch, other than maybe the Piper title win if you’re a big fan of the guy. Other than that though, there’s nothing to see here other than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

New Foundation vs. Orient Express

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Mountie

Original: B

Redo: D

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

Original: F-

Redo: T (For The Worst Match In Rumble History)

Natural Disasters vs. Legion of Doom

Original: D

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: A+

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: B

Other than Piper, this is almost the same set of ratings.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-1992/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 8, 1995
Location: Civic Auditorium, Omaha, Nebraska
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This is a bad time as it’s the go home show for In Your House but that means we’re coming up on King of the Ring 1995, which is one of the worst shows of all time. We have two matches announced for tonight: Bob Holly vs. Doink the Clown and Bart Gunn vs. Owen Hart. I think you can see the problems from here. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at Sid and Razor from last week. This takes 45 seconds, not five minutes.

Opening sequence.

Lawler is WAY too happy that Bret Hart is having two matches at Summerslam.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Doink the Clown

Jeff’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line and Dink is in the big clown’s corner. Doink starts fast but Roadie grabs his foot, only to have Doink stomp on Roadie’s fingers. Roadie reaches for Jeff’s hand to break up a wristlock but Doink kicks the hand away. It’s not like the referee was going to do anything. Roadie’s cheating fails AGAIN as he can’t hold Doink up against the ropes, earning himself a Stunner. Just fire this goon already. Jeff finally takes over on his own as the announcers start making book references. Doink comes right back with a sunset flip for two and we take a break.

Back with Doink’s leg in trouble and Jeff slowly kicking away as the match slow down (not the worst thing). We hit the half crab but Roadie somehow screws up for a fourth time with the referee catching him holding Jeff’s hand. Doink grabs a DDT and a powerslam for two, followed by Dink taking a bite out of Jeff’s tights. It’s time for the Stump Puller (an odd leg submission) on Jeff but the referee is with Jarrett, allowing Roadie to get in a chop block for the save. Jeff slaps on the Figure Four for the submission.

Rating: C+. Odds are that was Steve Lombardi under the mask and it’s very clear that he was a better choice if you need a good match. Jarrett was more than fine in a role like this where you have him in a midcard match instead of having any kind of attention. There’s nothing wrong with just having a good wrestling match like this one, especially in the land of squashes that is 1995 Monday Night Raw.

The BodyDonnas are coming. This is Sunny’s national TV debut and she’s instantly a star with more charisma than any woman has ever had in the company to date and possibly ever.

Bam Bam Bigelow is sorry for all the things he’s done over the last few months and wants to get his hands on the Million Dollar Team.

Video on Sid vs. Diesel.

Vince brings out Sid and DiBiase for a chat. DiBiase was the one that told Shawn Michaels to hire Sid as his bodyguard because he knew Sid would turn his back on Shawn and draw Diesel into a WWF World Title match. There’s a great slap in Shawn’s face there as Ted is basically saying there was no way Shawn would win the title at Wrestlemania. Ted is ready to send Diesel to a rest home and Sid talks about an African lion. Promises of a powerbomb wrap this up.

Hakushi vs. Gary Scott

Hakushi starts fast with chops and kicks (because of course) followed by a gordbuster, all with Lawler drooling over the thoughts of this happening to Bret on Sunday. An abdominal stretch of all things sets up a springboard splash to put Scott away.

In Your House Control Center doesn’t tell us much. As for storyline stuff, Diesel says he’s ready for Sid and that’s about it. Todd runs down the card and that’s that. Other than that, there’s no replay. Unless that’s a pay per view company decree, I have no idea why the WWF would go with that move. Maybe they can’t make enough money due to the lowered price but it sounds like giving away money.

Owen Hart vs. Bart Gunn

A main event anywhere in the country, or maybe just on a Raw in Omaha. Bart quickly knocks him outside to start but Owen forearms him in the back because it’s just Bart Gunn. Owen is taken down again and it’s time to start in on the arm. Mr. Fuji offers a trip (it’s not like he can do anything else) and Owen takes it outside to send Bart into the post.

The enziguri gets two on Bart and we take a break. Back with Bart stopping a charge by raising a boot in the corner. That’s it for his offense (Or was it defense?) as Owen gets two off a clothesline. Cornette breaks up a superplex but Billy Gunn crotches Owen on the top, allowing Bart to grab a rollup for the fluke pin.

Rating: C. Bart Gunn of all people pinning Owen Hart aside, this was a fine way to set up the Tag Team Title match on Sunday as it’s not like they need much of a story since it’s just a rematch. The Gunns aren’t the most interesting team in the world but this gave them some momentum, which is really all they need here.

Todd and Stephanie (not that Stephanie) tour the house they’re giving away and it’s….a house.

Vince and Jerry, in front of a green screen of fans for some reason, wrap us up with Jerry promising that his mom will be at ringside.

Overall Rating: C. Now this was entertaining with two totally watchable matches and a build towards a few of Sunday’s matches. Above all else they let us have some wrestling instead of four squashes in forty five minutes. It’s certainly nothing great and no one would have thought much of it at the time but this was way better than most of the shows I’ve been sitting through in recent weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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