Thunder
Date: December 2, 1999
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Attendance: 2,467
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

After a week off due to Thanksgiving, we’re back for one of the final live Thunders as the tapings would soon move to Tuesday nights. In other words, this might be the last “good” show in the series’ run. We’re less than three weeks away from Starrcade and the World Title scene is very slowly rounding into form. Unfortunately everything else is rounding into form and it’s not a pretty sight. Let’s get to it.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. The Wall

Norman, the champion, is in karate attire and Berlyn comes out for commentary. There are weapons in the ring already but Norman relies on the power of the 80s with a Crane Kick pose, earning him a clothesline. Wall blasts Norman with some weapons shots as Berlyn is suddenly fine with speaking English and demanding an apology from the big guy.

Norman keeps screaming as the beating continues but eventually kicks the trashcan into Wall’s face. The Big Wiggle is teased but Wall hot shots him instead. The chokeslam is loaded up but Berlyn hits Wall with the belt, knocking him out with his hand still around Norman’s throat. Norman covers while still being choked to retain the title.

Rating: D+. I love Norman. Even when he’s just getting beaten up he’s fun to watch as he’s clearly trying, unlike so many of the other wrestlers on this show. Wall is fine for a big man, but do you really want him jobbing in one of his first singles matches? Just have him maul some people, like maybe those worthless cruiserweights. Actually we can’t because they’re getting beaten up later to further the parody of Jim Ross. I guess we just have to make the new monster lose in a comedy match.

Luger isn’t happy that he’s fighting Sid tonight.

Silver King wants his check back from Dr. Death, as apparently Williams hasn’t cashed it for some reason. Football insults are hurled and death will come soon for Silver King.

Kaz Hayashi doesn’t like Maestro. Time for a transition!

Kaz Hayashi vs. Maestro

No Symphony here, meaning my interest quickly fades. They hit the mat for a faster sequence than you would expect with Maestro getting two off a rollup. Tenay is of course talking about Jeff Jarrett, because Russo likes getting announcers involved. Kaz comes back with a dropkick but gets sent face first into the buckle. Choking and stomping ensue to show that Maestro is a heel. It’s actually not clear otherwise, even with David Flair kidnapping him on Monday.

We hit the chinlock on Kaz and here’s David with the crowbar. Kaz flips out of a German suplex and hits a dropkick but the referee gets bumped, bringing David inside. His crowbar hits Kaz by mistake, sending Maestro running for the hills. The unconscious Kaz wins by countout and is shocked when he wakes up.

Rating: D. Another day, another match with a stupid finish designed to get a bad angle over instead of the wrestling. Maestro is a guy whose looks deceive you as he had a decent match despite looking out of shape. Kaz is solid in the ring as well and can give you a good performance when he isn’t cannon fodder for a David Flair feud.

Disco and Lash Leroux arrive but have to run from the Mamalukes.

Lex Luger loses his bag, takes Jimmy Hart’s by mistake, then gets his own bag back. He tries to leave but has flat tires because…..I have no idea actually.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Buzzkill

Buzzkill’s entrance: “It’s me, it’s me, it’s that B-U-Double Z!” Chavo tries to sell him some tyedye and a broken lava lamp, which Buzzkill tries to turn on despite a lack of electricity. The fans are ALL OVER this and Chavo only makes it worse by giving Buzzkill a Walkman to make him go down on the mat to the music, but it’s only good for two. Chavo gives up on the sale but has a shirt for the referee, allowing Buzzkill to hit him with the briefcase for the pin.

Buzzkill is mad at himself for cheating, but borrows money from the referee to buy the tyedye and lamp from Chavo.

I’m pausing now and trying to compose myself. Normally I would write up some rant about how Russo doesn’t get wrestling and what a waste of talent this is, but I can’t bring myself to care. That was one of the stupidest segments I’ve ever seen I wrestling and it was painful to watch. There’s nothing wrong with a comedy segment here and there, or even more than one a show. However, when your entire promotion is one comedy/stupid segment after another, you lose the benefit of the doubt. You lose your audience too but that’s another story.

Chris Benoit is ready for his match with Liger, who he respects very much. For once, there’s nothing else going on in a promo. The idea of Benoit vs. Liger is one of the only things that can bring me back after what I’ve sat through already.

Meng gets into his dressing room but Lash and Disco show up and swap his name plate for theirs.

Evan Karagias is in the back with Madusa and implies that he’s rather, shall we say, antsy. Madusa promises him “everything” after Starrcade.

Long recap of Nitro. That doesn’t help things, though at least it’s shorter.

Luger is still worried, but he knows he’s the best and has nothing to worry about. But doggone it, do people like him?

Sid is playing with a Luger action figure as Gene tells him that he has a powerbomb match vs. Nash at Starrcade. Gene doesn’t have the match if that’s not clear. Nash wouldn’t take it after seeing Gene and Hogan team up against Steele and Fuji back in 84. Sid breaks the figure to show what’s going to happen to Luger tonight.

Luger calls a cab. Can’t he just walk to a bar or something and wait until the show is over?

The Mamalukes beat up some production guy and lock him in a freezer so he can give Disco and Lash a message.

Steve Williams vs. Villano IV/Villano V/Silver King

This should be short. Larry leaves the booth because Oklahoma disgusts him so much. For once, I can’t say I disagree. The trio gets destroyed to start until Silver King nails a dropkick. A triple headbutt is shrugged off though and King gets press slammed. I’m missing a good chunk of the match, though as a consolation I do get a lot of shots of Oklahoma talking. Vampiro comes out to go after Oklahoma, which allows Silver King to sneak down and take his check. Williams pins a Villano off the Stampede in a quick match.

Luger is trying to get into his cab but the Mamalukes stop him to ask for Disco and Lash. In one of the smartest things Luger has ever said, he recommends the dressing room with their name on it. As this is going on, Silver King dives into the cab and leaves. Luger is completely thwarted, because that was the only cab (or form of transportation it seems) in all of Topeka.

After a break, the Mamalukes are outside the dressing room door. Thankfully they’re nice enough to not go in or do anything else until after the next match.

Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Chris Benoit

Please let it go long. Please let it go long. Please let it go long. Larry is back on commentary and annoyed at all the guest announcers screwing up. We can’t start just yet though as Juventud Guerrera comes out for commentary with his arm in a sling and flanked by Psychosis and La Parka (rocking the red skeleton attire). Juvy sits in on commentary and he’s going to be the focus of the match isn’t he?

Liger rolls out of an early suplex attempt and they hit the mat for a technical sequence into a backslide attempt from Benoit but Liger powers into a sunset flip. A stalemate gets some polite applause from the crowd as Juvy says IT DOESN’T MATTER what the wrestlers are doing. Benoit is taken down in a test of strength but Liger can’t break his bridge. The Liger Kick connects as Juvy takes credit for building the Cruiserweight division. He doesn’t mention his current reign as the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title but why should he do that?

Tenay announces Benoit vs. Nash on Nitro and a US Title shot in a ladder match at Starrcade. That’s quite the schedule. Liger hooks his feet under Benoit’s arms and takes him to the floor in a crash before putting on the Surfboard back inside. The brainbuster gets two and Liger wins a chop off. Benoit breaks up a tornado DDT attempt and it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down. There’s the snap suplex and a belly to back for two on Liger and Benoit nails him with a clothesline to the back of the head. Liger is able to crotch him down and nail a superplex, but the other cruiserweights come in for the double DQ.

Rating: B-. I want to complain about the ending destroying what could have been a great match, but this is such a rare treat these days that I can’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I’ll go on about what a shame it is that they bring in Jushin Thunder Liger and use him as a way to get over Juvy’s (albeit funny) Rock imitation, which could have been done with almost anyone on the roster. At least we got about seven minutes of Benoit vs. Liger though, which is better than anything else we were going to get.

Benoit and Liger clean house.

Buff promises to beat Meng tonight.

Speaking of Meng, the Mamalukes find him in the dressing room and get beaten up as you would expect.

Luger disguises his voice and calls the WCW offices to say he has a family emergency and needs to leave. Terry Taylor pops in to say….I’m assuming nice try as Buff’s music was drowning him out. I don’t know if that kind of thing is a Russo joke or if the WCW production guys all just stopped caring at once, because it’s been a thing for months now and it’s really annoying.

Buff Bagwell vs. Meng

Well it would have to be this match after that last segment wouldn’t it? Meng throws him around like a Tongan monster throws around a pretty boy to start. Buff’s right hands and clotheslines have no effect but some dropkicks stagger Meng. Apparently Buff has an easily built ego as Buff tries ten right hands in the corner, only to get dropped on the top rope before he gets to nine. Meng comes back with strikes in the corner as Larry thinks there’s something up with the Outsiders and Russo. Gee Larry, YOU REALLY THINK SO???

A lot of choking ensues before Buff gets bent over Meng’s knee in a backbreaker. Buff comes back with his swinging neckbreaker and a cross body for two as we have Mamalukes. Say it with me: the ref gets bumped, allowing the mobsters to beat up both guys for reasons not exactly clear. Meng fights them off and Buff goes up, only to miss Meng and hit the Blockbuster on Vito. The Tongan Death Grip gives Meng the win.

Rating: D. Can we get some tougher referees? Or some wrestlers that aren’t quite as careless and don’t hit a referee on half the matches every show? I like that they’re keeping Meng strong, even if it doesn’t seem likely to lead anywhere. You can always find a way to use someone like him, but in Russo’s case he’ll probably wind up as a bus driver with an unhealthy fear of parrots.

Meng beats up the mobsters for fun.

Gene is in the back with Mona and Jarrett and can’t stop looking at her chest. Mona: “Do you see something you like Gene?” Jeff yells at her for taking half his interview time and calls her Miss Slappy. This Monday, Goldberg and Dustin Rhodes are on his hit list.

The Mamalukes drink Surge to make themselves feel better, though Johnny could go for a cheese sandwich.

Jeff Jarrett/Mona vs. Evan Karagias/Madusa

Is there a reason why Jarrett and Mona got together and I just missed it? Larry: “If he’s so chosen, why is he in a match he doesn’t want to be in?” Tenay wants Jeff fined and suspended for his actions on Monday. Evan and Mona get things started as Jarrett walks around ringside. He takes her down with ease to start but the camera goes to see Jarrett and Tenay yelling at each other. I wonder if that’s what the TNA meetings were like.

Mona armdrags Madusa down but gets caught in a double backdrop. Now Jeff sits on the steps (which is nothing like when Mankind did the same to the Rock, appropriately enough against the Hollys) while Madusa cranks on an armbar. Back up and Mona slams her off the middle rope and crotches Evan, followed by a top rope hurricanrana. Madusa gets back with a German suplex though, allowing Evan to hit a corkscrew plancha for the pin.

Rating: D. So to recap we have a woman who is using sex to get a title shot at Starrcade, another woman who wrestles hard but gets beaten up at the end, but the whole thing is about Jeff Jarrett arguing with an announcer. They really thought this was the answer to women like Chyna?

Mona dropkicks Jarrett post match and eats a guitar to the head. Serves her right for trying in her match.

Long recap of Bret’s WCW career. No real context or reason for this but it’s there.

The Revolution talks about having their own country. Saturn: “And our own continent! Asya!” Get out while you can boys.

Luger is on the phone with Russo and is told that the winner of the match with Sid gets a World Title match this Monday.

Gene is with Lash and Disco and recaps the Mafia angle. Wouldn’t it have been better to do this EARLIER? They agree that they need each other to survive and Disco asks Lash not to do the splits tonight because dancing is his gimmick. I can’t even roll my eyes at these terms being dropped anymore.

Disco Inferno/Lash Leroux vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko

Shane makes fun of Disco and Lash’s accents before the match. Cue the Mamalukes to go after Disco and Lash but the Revolution mocks them as well, triggering another brawl. Disco and Lash are smart enough to stand outside and watch as Asya hits the Italians low, allowing the Revolution to clean house. Security gets them out of here so Disco and Lash jump Saturn from behind and get two off a Russian legsweep.

Tenay announces Evan vs. Mona vs. Madusa on Monday with the Cruiserweight Title shot on the line. Logic would say Mona vs. Madusa in a singles match, but why do that when it can be men vs. women? Lash beats Saturn up even more and does the split into a punch spot, prompting Disco to angrily tag himself in. This time it’s Disco knocking Saturn around but stopping to dance, allowing Dean to come in and kick Disco’s head off (yet the hair still doesn’t move). Disco fights back with a sunset flip but Saturn kicks him again to break it up.

The Last Dance is broken up and Disco gets sat on top, allowing Saturn to bulldog him out to the floor in a nice spot. Lash and Dean get tags and the Cajun cleans house on Malenko but Whiplash is broken up by Saturn. A superkick drops Lash to the floor where he almost gets into it with Asya, allowing Shane to get in a cast shot. The Cloverleaf on the unconscious Lash gets the win as Saturn holds Disco.

Rating: D+. Disco and Lash are prime examples of guys that were doing nothing but were given a unique story by Russo. Unfortunately, Russo’s intelligence ends as soon as the matches start as they were cannon fodder for the Revolution in their first match as a team. It doesn’t help that they’ve gotten into a buddy comedy instead of a tag team, but Russo thinks he’s writing B movies instead of a wrestling show anyway.

Total Package vs. Sid Vicious

Winner gets Hart on Monday for the title. Bret comes out to do commentary and doesn’t seem interested in talking about facing Sid. Luger does a quick easy way/hard way promo but gets caught holding pepper spray. Sid stomps him down with ease but gets hit low, allowing Luger to go into his offensive arsenal. Cue Liz as we get a double clothesline to put both guys down.

That’s some clothesline as neither can get up after LESS THAN A MINUTE of action. Liz gets the pepper spray and goes for Luger but he takes the bottle away and sprays Sid, who powerbombs the referee, because pepper spray takes away your abilitiy to feel a shirt. Luger grabs a rollup (with Sid’s feet in the ropes) for the pin from a second referee and the title shot.

Post match Sid can suddenly see and powerbombs Luger to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Let’s recap quickly: interference – belt shot, interference – crowbar, briefcase shot, interference (didn’t change ending), interference – double DQ, interference – sets up pin, double teaming, cast shot, pepper spray. The closest thing we had to a clean finish in nine matches was double teaming in a glorified handicap match. All night long we couldn’t a rollup for a pin or just someone hitting their finisher to win without someone cheating or interfering? I know there are a lot of common criticisms against Russo, but with shows like these, they’re not exactly unfounded.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #216
Date: November 29, 1999
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 12,881
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re less than three weeks away from Starrcade and usually that would mean some of the matches should be clear. At the moment though, the field is almost wide open and given who is in charge, I’m not sure if we should expect to get any development this week either. Last week’s main event was at least a calm match for a change. Let’s get to it.

This episode is dedicated to Hiro Matsuda, who trained Hulk Hogan, Lex Luger, Scott Hall and Ron Simmons among others.

We open with Goldberg making his full entrance and taking his sweet time in doing so. Goldberg gets right to the point: he’s not cool with the Outsiders playing comedy games most of the time and then hitting him with a chair last week. Goldberg liked the chair though and he’s ready for some payback. He has Nash tonight and Hall better stay away from the ring. Cue the Outsiders to say they have five words for Goldberg: don’t sing it, bring it. They make it to the middle of the aisle, but Sid comes out and says he’s the new babyface in town. The brawl is quickly broken up by security, which is more than I was expecting.

Tony and Heenan run down the card. Hang on for this one.

Nash vs. Goldberg – No DQ, no countout

Hall vs. Sid for the US/TV Titles – No DQ, no countout

Hart vs. Meng for the World Title – No DQ, no countout

Sting vs. Jarrett vs. Benoit – #1 contenders match for a title shot after Starrcade

Jerry Only vs. Steve Williams – Cage

Mud wrestling with wrestlers to be announced

THIS IS ON ONE TV SHOW WITH NO BUILDUP. Three street fights, a cage match, a triple threat and mud wrestling.

Roddy Piper arrives with some fairly big (for wrestling that is) women. One of them appears to be Rhonda Singh, who you might remember as Bertha Faye from 1995 WWF.

Luger is here in a new suit and carrying papers.

The Mamalukes are on the phone with Tony Marinara, who tells them to deal with Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux.

Tag Team Titles: Creative Control vs. Buff Bagwell/Booker T.

The twins are defending of course and have Hennig with them. Buff starts with we’ll say Patrick and the twin gets cross bodied and dropkicked into the corner. Off to Gerald and Booker as Tony says Bagwell has won over five Tag Team Titles of his own, which is of course inaccurate (five reigns).

Back to Patrick for a gutwrench suplex on Booker but Mr. T. nails an ax kick, allowing for the hot tag to Bagwell, despite the match not even being three minutes old yet. Bagwell cleans house and everything breaks down. Buff mostly misses the Blockbuster but the other twin offers a distraction, allowing Hennig to hit Bagwell with a chair to retain.

Midnight comes out for the post match save.

Russo is livid that he has to book some Japanese guy named Jushin Thunder Liger. That’s not me being sarcastic. Russo actually referred to him as “some Japanese guy.” If Guerrera can beat him tonight for the IWGP Light Heavyweight Title (again his words), he’ll take care of Juvy’s visa issues. Russo has a plan to make sure this happens. If he wants Juvy to win and take care of his visa issues, why not just take care of them?

Luger threatens to sue Liz over breach of contract, hence the papers earlier. She offers to do anything to make him drop the suit, which intrigues Luger.

Piper can’t get in to see Russo but is fine with waiting if he gets the $3 million a year. Our hero everyone.

Singh and the other girl wonder what they should wear for their match tonight.

Symphony (Ryan Shamrock) receives flowers and a love letter from Maestro.

Jeff Jarrett doesn’t care about angering Dustin Rhodes and blasts Tenay with a guitar. Where was he during those One Night Only shows?

Here’s Brian Knobbs with something to say. That might be better than having him wrestle. He wants Norman Smiley (who he calls a woman) out here right now for a fight over the Hardcore Title. We cut to the back to see Norman cowering because he doesn’t have his protective gear.

Finlay walks by to send Norman diving under a table as he goes to the ring to fight Knobbs in Smiley’s place. Finlay comes out to the ring and throws Knobbs a kendo stick for a duel. This goes about as you would expect for a fight to go against Finlay, as he beats Knobbs down and cuts his hair. Finlay says if Knobbs wants to be a soldier, he can look like one.

The Mamalukes take Okerlund to a strip club. Ok then.

Russo yells at Hennig and the twins for getting beaten up by Midnight and makes Hennig vs. Midnight later tonight.

Piper is ready for the mud wrestling and cracks some bad jokes.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title: Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Juventud Guerrera

Guerrera is challenging/trying to get a work visa and neither guy gets an entrance. Ten seconds in, Buzzkill comes out carrying a Down With Big Brother sign. They run the ropes to start until Juvy hits a sitout bulldog ala Rey Mysterio. Liger is sent to the floor for a springboard dive but comes back in with a frog splash for two. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker sets up the surfboard as the fans finally wake up a bit.

Liger gets two more off a belly to belly and Juvy taps, which means nothing in this case for reasons not explained. They fight over a backslide as Buzzkill wants them to give peace a chance. Tony actually brings up Buzzkill’s matches against Liger back in the early 90s but Buzzkill doesn’t acknowledge him. Eh points for trying I guess. Juvy hits a Stunner over the top rope but Liger escapes the Juvy Driver and grabs a German suplex. Buzzkill offers a distraction though, allowing Juvy to hit Liger in the head with a bottle of tequila for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t shocked to find out that New Japan didn’t acknowledge this title change for years. Russo has deemed a worthless hippie character (the character, not the wrestler) more important than one of the best cruiserweight wrestlers of all time. This shouldn’t surprise you, as Russo clearly has no respect for wrestling whatsoever. The match was nothing to see as it barely broke five minutes and the guys were just doing moves until we got to the stupid ending.

Chavo Guerrero has taken over the interviews for the night and offers to sell us some fine china for $39.99. Oh and Dr. Death and Oklahoma (his official name now) are going to destroy Jerry Only.

Symphony gets another gift from Maestro.

Gene is getting drunk at the club. Because GENE OKERLUND needs a story.

Chavo tries to sell the Outsiders a home security system before asking when he’s going to start defending the TV Title. Well that would be tonight if you listened to Tony earlier. Hall is annoyed that he hasn’t gotten to meet any TV stars or received any free TV dinners so he throws the title belt to Nash, who throws it in a trash. That makes two titles trashed either literally or figuratively in less than an hour. To be fair though, that thing died during Steiner’s first reign.

Here’s the Revolution with an American flag, which they immediately throw down and step on. Douglas brags about taking out the Filthy Animals from the inside and now the Animals are gone. The Revolution isn’t cool with a Canadian like Hart holding the World Title and doesn’t like the fans cheering him. Malenko was booed when he eat a Canadian last week so he’s fed up with America.

The Revolution is declaring themselves a sovereign nation and they all have snake names. Malenko will be the Python, Shane will be the Rattler, Asya will be the Boa and Saturn will be……the Trouser? This of course brings out Jim Duggan to talk about America and swing the 2×4, which clearly twists around in his hands because it’s made of foam. I had one of those when I was a kid. The Revolution beats him down and does the Iwo Jima pose over him with the American flag. Benoit finally makes the save like a good Canadian. You can add the Revolution to the list of things Russo didn’t understand. Oh and put WOOD on there too.

Speaking of Russo, he wants Piper in his office.

The Wall issues an open challenge for the Block, which is a SHOOT in a boiler room.

Piper can’t come in to see the boss because he has to go to the bathroom to take a Vince Russo. So if he can say Russo’s name, why can’t anyone else?

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall

Street fight. This would be a bait and switch on the TV Title no? Heenan rips on Sid’s talking abilities on the way to the ring. Nash sits in on commentary and his first line is to call the TV Title a piece of garbage. Sid hammers on the champ but gets distracted by the shine on Nash’s hair, allowing Hall to rake the eyes to take over.

The Outsider’s Edge doesn’t work so Sid grabs a chokeslam, only to bump the referee. There’s the powerbomb but Nash comes in, only to get kicked in the face. Jarrett runs out with a guitar to break up the powerbomb on Nash before putting Hall on top to retain. That would be worthless street fight #1 of the evening.

Goldberg comes out (in a t-shirt for some reason) and hits Jarrett with the worst spear I’ve ever seen from him.

Gene is still at the club and dancing with what appear to be strippers. Is there a point to this anytime soon?

As expected, the women will be in the mud later.

The Nitro Girls get in a food fight and the mud wrestler starts choking. Juvy runs in with the Heimlich for the save. It’s as random as it sounds.

Jerry Only vs. Steve Williams

Escape only. Williams pounds on the singer to start and scores with a powerslam as Oklahoma is in on commentary. Heenan: “Why do you say everything three times?” Oklahoma: “It’s my gimmick son.” Williams stays on Only but Vampiro and the Misfits jump the barricade and cover Oklahoma in barbecue sauce. The Oklahoma Stampede (running powerslam) plants Only but Williams throws him through the door to give Jerry the win. The announcers treat this as nothing of interest.

Quick sidebar on Oklahoma: why is this supposed to be funny? He doesn’t say anything outlandish other than talk about barbecue sauce, which is hardly wild stuff. The football obsession is nothing new. What is the joke here supposed to be? What good is it to mock a guy by calling moves? Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be doing? Ross is known for being over the top, so the parody is acting a lot like him but as a comedic guy? It’s more like a caricature than a parody, which again isn’t funny.

Guerrera says he saved the choking girl with mouth to mouth. Russo calls her a wildebeest. Here’s the thing: yeah she’s bigger than say Lita or Stacy Keibler, but the commentators are basically calling a fat cow. She has a fairly pretty face and is far from fat, but since this is a Russo company, all women have to range from evil to fat to stupid to property of some man to just a sex character.

Luger has an idea.

Bret Hart knows he has a tough fight in Meng but he’s ready to fight. Chavo says the shine in Bret’s hair is due to the hair care product Chavo sold him. Wait. You have HAIR product and you pitched a security system to KEVIN NASH??? No wonder you bombed as a salesman. Know your customers!

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Meng

No DQ, no countout, which isn’t mentioned during the introductions. Bret hammers away to start and gets clubbered down for his efforts. More right hands from the champ are countered by a backhand punch to the face. A running boot to the face gets two and Meng plants Hart with a shoulder breaker. Bret comes back with the Five Moves but Hall comes in and the referee goes down. Meng puts Hall in the Tongan Death Grip but Nash slides in and goes off on Meng with a kendo stick. They go after Hart but Benoit comes out with a stick of his own to beat up the Outsiders. Bret goes back in and puts on the Sharpshooter for the TKO.

Rating: D. The match was nothing, but I liked Bret’s promo (minus Chavo) before. It was old school Bret where he praised his opponent but said he was just that much better. That’s Bret’s bread and butter and it still worked here. I’ll even give them points to building Meng over the last few weeks and then giving him a match like this. The booking of the match went down hill, but this was a logically built match with a decent pre-match promo.

However, at the same time, the curse of Russo strikes again. The problem with Russo is simple: if you’ve seen one of his grand conspiracy storylines, you’ve seen them all. There are little signs here and there and once you know what to look for, it becomes really obvious. Now that being said, it had only been seen once in 1999 so it wasn’t such a problem. What it means though is the story worked back then and doesn’t hold up as well now.

Now Symphony gets a bear.

Luger has an idea to pop the ratings. Would that involve Luger taking a long vacation?

Tygress and Spice fight again with Tygress being thrown into a shower.

Madusa is in Evan’s locker room and talks him into a Cruiserweight Title shot at Starrcade with the power of the lips and silicone.

As expected, Luger tells Russo that Liz will be in the mud.

Chavo is interviewing Sting when Liz comes up to beg him for help. Just like last week, Sting doesn’t care.

Chris Benoit vs. Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

One fall to a finish and the winner gets a World Title shot at some point after Starrcade. Jeff wins a slugout with Sting to start but Benoit suplexes Jarrett down for two. All three beat on each other for near falls until Jarrett comes out on top of it and punches Sting up against the ropes.

Benoit flips out of a belly to back suplex but Sting splashes him by mistake. Well in theory as you can’t tell anyone’s motivation these days. The Stroke is countered into a Crossface but Sting breaks it up. Cue Liz for a distraction so Luger can hit Sting with a chair, but Jarrett hits Benoit with the guitar. This brings Dustin Rhodes through the crowd with I think the bell to knock Jarrett out, giving Benoit the pin.

Rating: C-. Oh yeah Benoit won but it only took three people running in, a chair, a guitar and the ring bell with Benoit getting the pin while being unconscious for a title shot somewhere down the line. Thank goodness on that one as they were getting close to making someone look strong.

The Mamalukes leave the club with some girls, meaning Gene is on his own.

Symphony goes up to see Maestro but it’s David Flair in a wig. Oh good grief. He makes her go over to the piano and opens it up to find Maestro inside. So now David Flair some kind of criminal mastermind stalker. Of course he is.

Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash

No DQ, no countout again. Goldberg does his entrance but stops to beat up Hall. Your US Champion ladies and gentlemen. Nash comes out and goes after Goldberg as Sid is locked in a room. That lasts all of ten seconds and it’s a four way brawl as the music keeps playing. They fight out into the arena and into the ring for the opening bell. Goldberg cleans house until Hall chairs the referee and Goldberg down. Sid comes back in but Hart sneaks in and steals the chair away to blast Nash. Goldberg gets back up and spears Nash, setting up the Jackhammer for the pin in 100 seconds.

Three street fights, three ref bumps, one broke three minutes. That’s the triple main event.

Roddy Piper keeps ranting about mud.

The Outsiders want Sid and Goldberg in a cage tonight.

Rhonda Singh vs. Elizabeth

Piper is refereeing. Singh comes out to stripper music but there’s no Liz. We go to the back where Liz says she doesn’t care about the lawsuits and walks away. Singh slaps Piper and pulls him into the mud, where he rides her like a horse and spanks her a bit. No Russo doesn’t have issues with women. Why do you ask? Creative Control gets muddy as well and Piper covers one of them for a pin.

The Mamalukes are cooking dinner in the girls’ apartment. This is what, the fifth time we’ve seen these guys tonight?

Arn Anderson is upset about being fired so here’s Hennig to offer him a spot on the team. Anderson just walks away.

Chae gets in a fight with Skye.

The Wall vs. Jerry Flynn

Boiler room brawl, called the Block and billed as a shoot. They fight, they kick, they punch, they choke, they ignore the fans booing, they can barely breathe, Berlyn comes in and hits Flynn with a pipe, Wall chases Berlyn off with the pipe and it’s another no contest. Heenan: “I don’t get it.” END THIS SHOW ALREADY.

Chavo is in the back when Piper comes up. Roddy talks about the wars he had with Chavo Sr. and tells Chavo to stand up for himself. The Outsiders come in and get in a fight with Piper.

Curly Bill asks Hennig for a job.

Russo yells at Luger, who promises to get Liz muddy before the end of the night. Creative Control is already cleaned up and wearing new suits.

Midnight vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig headlocks her down to start but Midnight nips up. A shoulder drops Hennig and stuns him at the same time. Hennig chops away in the corner and puts on an abdominal stretch, where he continuously slaps Midnight’s chest. So we can add sexual harassment to Russo’s time in charge. The lights go out and Stevie Ray returns to beat up Curt for the DQ.

The lights go out again and Curly Bill appears to beat on Stevie, but then the lights go out again so Arn Anderson can beat up Hennig. Even the Horsemen music can’t save this mess.

The girls tie the Mamalukes to the bed, allowing Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux to come in and pour spaghetti sauce on them. And that’s the big payoff for the night.

Luger brings Liz out and throws her in the mud, followed by pouring a bucket of mud over her. He takes off the jacket but Sting comes out and shoves him into the mud, ruining most of the suit. Liz appears to slip badly getting out of the pit.

The Mamalukes are still in bed. Thanks for coming back to that.

Goldberg/Sid Vicious vs. Outsiders vs. Chris Benoit/Bret Hart

In a cage with one fall to a finish and muddy Piper refereeing. It’s a brawl to start as you would expect with a lot of punching all over the ring. Both Outsiders get double teamed in the corner and the fans chant for Goldberg. Nash gets fired up again and punches Sid down in the corner but Tony talks about sauce (both kinds, because Russo felt the need to have three people covered in two types of sauce in one night).

Things slow down as the match is already three minutes old as even more punching abounds. Since a triple threat cage match with the Swamp Thing as referee isn’t enough, cue Jeff Jarrett with a cart full of weapons. Guitar shots all around of course and it’s time for the handcuffs with Hart being chained to the cage. Hall gets knocked out so Benoit, I’m guessing out of boredom, goes up and hits the Swan Dive on Hall for the pin.

Rating: D. I can’t say it fails after that dive but my goodness this was dull. It was a bunch of standing around and punching with Piper offering nothing interesting or important to the match. I’m really not even sure why these people are fighting, but it’s probably better to be confused than to ask.

Jarrett and the Outsiders beat up Benoit, Goldberg and Sid, seemingly not bothered by the loss.

Overall Rating: F. This is the stuff people talk about when Russo is discussed. We have gimmick matches, unfunny jokes, women being treated a hundred times worse than the Divas of today are treated, matches being made on the fly and stories that make no sense. Oh and a bunch of mud for some reason and titles being destroyed because there’s no point to having them around.

I lost count of how many gimmicks we had all night as well as the ref bumps, the guitar shots and the women being treated as either stupid or sex objects. That’s a good way to sum up Russo: there’s so much of the same kind of stuff going on that you can’t tell where anything is going. It’s definitely easier to sit through than one of the boring shows, but my goodness the quality goes through the floor. Horrible show here as Russo just burns through everything he has in record time.

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Monday Nitro #214
Date: November 15, 1999
Location: Barton Coliseum, Little Rock, Arkansas
Attendance: 10,435
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Mayhem so tonight we get the tournament down to the final four. The big question this week though is what genre of direct to video movie are we getting? Last week it was thriller with Kimberly vs. David Flair, mixed in with the comedy of Kevin Nash as the Grand Wizard. Heaven help me but let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

There’s a cage over the ring. Of course there is.

Norman Smiley vs. Jimmy Hart

Hardcore, meaning Smiley comes out in football pads and Jimmy in…..a suit of armor. Well that’s kind of Genius of him. Jimmy brings in some weapons and actually doesn’t die at first because Norman can’t see through his helmet. The weapons shots have no effect on Hart so Norman just takes him down by the legs. Hart comes back with some powder to the face and Norman has to take the helmet off to cry.

The fans loudly chant NORMAN, but I’m sure that’s just because of the weapons and not the effort or comedic skills he’s displaying right? Jimmy gets in some weapons shots but Norman gets up, drawing out Knobbs with a chair to the head. Brian loads up a table but Jimmy misses a dive through it, giving Norman the easy pin.

Rating: D+. This is one of those matches where the guys tried and were having fun, but they firmly hit the roof of what they were capable of doing. It doesn’t help that this is to set up the epic showdown between Knobbs and Smiley, when it seems like there’s something entertaining in having Hart as a hardcore guy if you keep him in the armor.

Knobbs beats Smiley down post match.

Here are the tournament brackets.

Bret Hart

Kidman

Total Package

Sting

Chris Benoit

Scott Hall

Buff Bagwell

Jeff Jarrett

If Curt Hennig can beat Goldberg tonight, he gets a new contract. And what stops the Powers That Be from saying he’s fired from that one if he loses?

Kimberly talks to Terry Taylor. Why is she in the building after last week?

Tonight, Nash is dressed like Sid, complete with some pretty good prosthetic makeup. Well at least he isn’t Slick.

AC Jazz is out of the Nitro Girls so Fyre and Tygress jump Spice. Next.

Here are the Outsiders with Nash as Sid, with a chin that is far bigger than the real version. Keeping in mind that Sid is from Arkansas, the fans aren’t thrilled with this. Nash says he rules the world about five times but stops to remind us that he’s stupid. Cue Sid, who has had enough of these two. We get the famous line of “you are only half of the man that I am, and I have half the brains that you do” which has Hall nearly doubled over in laughter. Sid is already in a match tonight, but he wants to get Nash out of retirement on top of that. Nash says no so Sid calls him a shell of his former self and Nash says……nothing.

Tonight, Booker has to face Creative Control, officially named Gerald and Patrick. Why having the Harris Twins have the same names as the Stooges is supposed to be funny isn’t clear but I’m sure Russo gets a chuckle out of it. Booker says Midnight will strike.

Kimberly tries to see the Powers That Be but the Twins stop her.

Post break, Kimberly is in the Powers’ office and Russo puts her in a match with Asya. There’s going to be a special referee.

Nash comes into Russo’s office.

Booker T. vs. Creative Control

Before he can get to the ring, Booker is stopped by Chavo for an Amway pitch. After that comedy spot goes nowhere, Booker goes after we’ll say Patrick but gets whipped into Gerald’s boot. Tony stops talking about the match to say the Powers That Be have rescinded Nash’s retirement stipulation. Tony: “It was a lame angle anyway.” Every show I watch, I understand Cornette’s rantings and ravings just a bit more.

The Twins start double teaming him and take it outside where Booker can only fight one at a time. Back in and Booker manages a dropkick to put both guys down, setting up the ax kick and a missile dropkick for two with Gerald making a save. The H Bomb gets the pin on Booker a few seconds later.

The gong strikes and Midnight appears to knock out both Twins. This is after she got laid out by Jarrett last week so the effect isn’t all there.

Post break, Russo threatens to make Creative Control into bikers again. They’re banished to go find the luchadors and Torrie.

Evan Karagias vs. Johnny Boone

Yes referee Johnny Boone who is wrestling in jeans here. Madusa comes out with Karagias, who gets jumped as the bell rings. Evan easily shoves him back because he’s a referee as Madusa goes to commentary. They slowly go after each other because Boone, while a trained wrestler, isn’t much above average and that leaves Evan Karagias to carry things. Boone gets a boot up in the corner so Madusa rams his face into her cleavage. He’s out cold and Evan gets the easy pin. Keep in mind that Evan is challenging for the Cruiserweight Title this Sunday and this is his big warmup.

Madusa kisses Evan post match.

Russo has a bunch of luchadors in his face and makes them a deal: he’s going to put a $10,000 check inside a pinata and hang it from a pole. As luck would have it, Juvy is carrying a pinata. They’ll all be given a stick to hit each other with too. You can see the lawsuits from here.

Dr. Death Steve Williams and Ed Ferrara as JR show up.

Creative Control keeps looking for Torrie.

Villano V vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. El Dandy vs. Silver King vs. Psychosis

It’s a brawl to start and the pinata falls down fifteen seconds in. King moonsaults onto Dandy as Williams and Ferrara come to ringside. Ferrara gets on commentary and does his JR impression, listing off football stats, telling Tony to speak in soundbytes and shouting PINATA over and over. Juvy gets the pinata (PINATA! PINATA!) but the match just keeps going with the camera on Ferrara. Guerrera does the elbow drop and shakes the pinata as candy flies everywhere. Dr. Death gets in the ring and beats everyone up for the no contest, after almost everyone had the pinata at one point.

Rating: F. Well let’s see. It was a bunch of racial stereotypes, the pinata didn’t last twenty seconds, Juvy didn’t win for no explained reason, the sticks didn’t go anywhere, it was all about Dr. Death cleaning house at the end, and they spent the entire match ripping on JR after ripping on Sid earlier, Grand Wizard last week and Vince the week before. Pick any two of those reasons and you’ll get why this is a failure.

Dr. Death takes the check from King as the bell rings roughly 857 times.

Goldberg doesn’t care about anything.

Nash is back in his usual clothes and says he took some time off when WCW sucked. Now that Hall is back, things are fun again. Well of course it is. He barely has to do anything but comedy and gets a huge check. Pay no attention to the company, and therefore the checks, dying before his eyes.

Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

Goldberg is coming out of his locker room when Hennig slams the door on his head. Unlike Flair with the WarGames door, Goldberg no sells it and they brawl in the back with Goldberg getting the better of it. They fight to the aisle and the bell rings with Hennig getting knocked to ringside and looking like he’s running scared.

Curt finally gets in some knees to the head as they go inside. The Robinsdale Crunch sets up a stepover toehold for well over a minute, with the referee ignoring Goldberg’s shoulders being down the entire time. Goldberg finally punches him in the face and puts on a leg bar for the submission, meaning Hennig keeps his job.

Rating: D. So Hennig can lose by anything but pin and keep his job. Why would the Powers That Be want to keep him around if he never wins because he keeps submitting or getting counted out? This was another of those mostly hardcore matches which don’t make people care because it doesn’t last five minutes and it’s part of a story that makes no sense.

Kimberly is on the phone with Page when the lights flicker. She panics at the fear of bad writing but Jim Duggan comes up with a flashlight and says the fuses in this place are horrible. I hate to admit it, but this was kind of funny. Ignore the fact that Jim Duggan apparently has a working knowledge of the fuses in an arena in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Creative Control tells the Filthy Animals that they’re fired if they don’t produce Torrie. The Animals heed the threat and go find her. Wait why isn’t she with them in the first place?

Chavo Guerrero sells Duggan some fuses.

Vampiro/Misfits vs. Berlyn/The Wall

The Misfits almost have to be better than the Clowns. The Bodyguard is officially the Wall, which is more punny delight. Three are three Misfits and one is named Jerry Only. Berlyn goes after Vampiro to start and sends him flying with a belly to belly. He misses a dropkick though and it’s off to the Misfits vs. the Wall. The trio is chokeslammed with ease but Vampiro comes in and kicks the Wall in the face.

The fans are way behind Vampiro here but Berlyn kicks him down, setting up a missile dropkick/suplex combo but the Germans argue over the pin. Wall steps aside so Vampiro can hit a quick Nail in the Coffin but Berlyn counters a top rope hurricanrana into a powerbomb. This time it’s Wall breaking up the pin but Vampiro breaks it up, only to eat a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. Most of that is because Wall hit some good looking chokeslams and the Misfits were little more than cannon fodder. This might have been the most logical match of the Russo Era so far with Berlyn getting annoyed at Wall for taking the glory, even though Berlyn is a waste of a roster spot at this point. Wall looks like someone they could push as someone interesting, meaning he’s doomed from here.

Berlyn whips Vampiro post match.

Torrie has been brought to the Powers’ office and Russo throws her a referee bikini, because “it’s all about the ratings.” Why did he have one of those handy?

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Sid Vicious

Rick is defending even though he didn’t bring the belt with him. We continue a running theme tonight with the guys brawling in the aisle but this time Sid is sent over the barricade and into the crowd. Steiner slams him down on the concrete but Sid fights back, only to put on something like a chinlock near the stage. That goes nowhere so Rick is dragged up to the stage for a low blow, setting up a powerbomb through the stage. Sid walks away and they never actually got into the ring. No match it would seem.

Post break, Rick is taken out on a stretcher. This goes on for the better part of ten minutes and Sid rambles about not wanting to do this to his friend. He’s ready for Nash tonight.

Nash is taping up.

We go to the boiler room for Jerry Flynn vs. Barbarian in something resembling a match. Remember when Mankind and Undertaker did this? Or Big Show and Mankind? Well now it’s Jerry Flynn beating up Barbarian, kicking him up against the wall and I guess knocking him out. Tony brags about how great this is going to be for the ratings and how it’s going to make people watch the show.

Benoit says Scott Hall isn’t standing in the way of getting to the World Title.

Asya vs. Kimberly

Torrie is guest referee and wearing a bikini. Well at least they’re not hiding what they’re doing anymore. Asya and Torrie get in a lame catfight until Kimberly jumps on Asya’s back with a sleeper. The Animals come out to cover Torrie up and get her out of there. Cue David Flair with the crowbar and wearing a referee shirt, sending Kimberly running off. David and Asya fight with David shrugging off a low blow but the Revolution comes out to clear the ring. So a minute long non match had two guest referees (I guess?), and I believe five people interfering?

Sting is given some flowers with a card from Luger. Liz and Luger are shown hoping that he likes them, but Sting doesn’t think he can trust them.

Goldberg has a chilled beverage.

Kimberly runs from David.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Chris Benoit vs. Scott Hall

Bret Hart comes out to be in Benoit’s corner to counter Nash. So he’s Hogan to Nash’s Andre? Hall throws the toothpick at him and finds it hilarious. That earns him some fluid from Benoit’s nose and they trade some arm holds. Now Hall wants the test of strength, only to pock Benoit in the eye. That’s fine with Chris who trips Hall down and dropkicks him in the side of the head.

The Outsiders have a breather on the floor as this might be the longest match we’ve seen in Russo’s Era without any shenanigans. Back in and they trade chops in the corner with Benoit taking over and getting two off a snap suplex. Nash can’t help it any longer and nails Benoit in the back of the neck, allowing Scott to nail a clothesline for two. Scott gets into his routine and the fall away slam is good for two.

We hit the sleeper on the Canadian but Chris suplexes out to put both guys down. Benoit fights up and plants Hall with a backbreaker before dropkicking him to the floor. Nash goes after Benoit but Hart makes the save. In the melee, Sid comes in and powerbombs Hall, setting up the Swan Dive for two. Nash makes another save but Benoit Crossfaces Hall to go to Mayhem.

Rating: B-. Here’s the interesting thing about the match and the key to the whole idea: the fans reacted when Sid came in and laid Hall out. Now why is this time different from all the other matches ending with interference? For me it’s one simple reason: they allowed the match to build up before doing the angle. The only thing out of the ordinary was a single clothesline from Nash, which is minor by comparison. It’s a good match on its own and the angle is far more acceptable when they have a good build to get there. This is the Russo style that worked in the WWF because it had the time to work, though that’s not the case in WCW.

Bagwell says Jarrett isn’t going over him.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Bret Hart vs. Kidman

Rey gets in on commentary. Bret takes him down with an elbow to the back of the head and nails a hard clothesline as this is looking one sided so far. Kidman slips out of a slam so Bret catapults him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and a Bodog gets two on Bret but we’ve got Outsiders. They hit on the robed Torrie but Eddie goes over for the save as Rey cheers him on from commentary. Back inside, Bret counters a hurricanrana into the Sharpshooter.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but at least Bret didn’t crush Kidman. It also helped that they kept things moving quick enough and the interference didn’t really change much. Mysteiro was kind of a jerk but the Animals are the worst face group in the history of wrestling so it’s understandable.

Luger and Liz get some brownies. We’re approaching bad sitcom territory.

Jeff Jarrett is the chosen one.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

They fight on the floor with Buff taking over and heading inside. Bagwell uses his standard offense including a good dropkick and an atomic drop until Creative Control comes out for a distraction. It doesn’t work immediately though as Buff nails a powerslam, but the referee stops to tie his shoe. Creative Control comes in and breaks up the Blockbuster, only to have Buff nail the other with Jeff’s guitar. The referee just can’t stop looking at his shoes though and Jeff nails the Stroke for the pin from the suddenly alert referee.

Jeff and the referee hug because we needed an angle on a match that didn’t break 130 seconds. Dustin Rhodes comes out for the save and celebrates with the loser.

Goldberg headbutts a Surge machine and gets a free drink.

Liz and Luger put laxatives in the brownies.

The Revolution is ready for the House of Pain match, but Saturn wants to talk about Everlast boxing gear and the music video for Jump Around. Saturn asks Dean to jump for him and staring abounds. I could get into this new character.

Duggan intercepts the brownies and says he deserves something like this.

Eddie Guerrero/Konnan vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko

This is a House of Pain match, meaning it’s inside a cage and you win by handcuffing both opponents to the ropes. Saturn superkicks Konnan before he can get inside, leaving Eddie to get double teamed. Tony cuts Heenan off and goes on a rant about internet marks thinking they can do his job. Oh I don’t know Tony. I’ve seen a lot of internet marks that can sound every bit as stupid as you do.

The Revolution double teams Guerrero in the corner and pretty easily gets him most of the way chained up. Konnan comes in with some shots of his own but eats a spike piledriver. They complete shackling Eddie and Konnan gets the same just a few seconds later. Total time of a pretty big gimmick match like this: 2:57.

Rey comes in and gets laid out by a clothesline from Asya. The Revolution hangs him upside down from the top of the cage by the knee, allowing Malenko and Saturn to just destroy Rey’s leg. His next match won’t be until May. Well that explains why he didn’t help Eddie earlier.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Total Package vs. Sting

The winner gets Bret on Sunday. Luger (the announcers have forgotten the whole DON’T CALL HIM LEX LUGER schtick already) hides in the corner to start as he thought Sting would eat the brownies. Sting kicks him in the allegedly injured leg and stomps Lex down in the corner to take over. He takes it to the floor and stays on the leg (Luger: “HELP ME BOBBY!”) before Lex gets inside to hide in the corner. An atomic drop does nothing to Sting but a clothesline gives Luger his first advantage.

Tony starts talking about how Sting and Luger have been friends for years in this sport before correcting himself by calling it a business. The Stinger Splash connects but Luger trips the referee while in the Scorpion. Liz maces Sting and the Torture Rack goes on, only to have Meng come out for a Tongan Death Grip (revenge for getting maced last week) to Luger. Meng puts Sting on top to send him to Mayhem.

Rating: D-. I’m getting tired of giving these matches the same grades over and over but they keep being the same bad, only slightly watchable matches with some kind of interference and overbooked finishes. This was in the same category as it wasn’t long enough to go anywhere but the guys know each other well enough to sleepwalk to a few acceptable moments.

Here are the final four:

Bret Hart

Sting

Chris Benoit

Jeff Jarrett

Jim Duggan feels the effects of the brownies.

Kevin Nash vs. Sid Vicious

Street fight. As has been the case almost all night, they start brawling in the aisle with Nash taking it into the crowd and hitting Sid low. They head back over the barricade and Nash hits the framed elbows in the corner. A quick clothesline sends Sid to the floor but he hits Nash low to take over again.

Back in and Sid slams Nash down and drops a leg for two. A leg between Nash’s legs is our third low blow in four minutes. Sid calls for the powerbomb as the fans call for Goldberg. Cue Hall to break up the powerbomb and the Outsiders go after Sid. Goldberg comes out to clean house and the bell rings for a no contest in a street fight.

Rating: D-. So now we can’t even get a finish in a match designed to not have a clean finish? I guess we’re setting up some kind of a tag match in the future, but that hasn’t been announced for Mayhem or any other show. On top of that, it would mean ignoring the months of Sid vs. Goldberg, which is one of those things in wrestling that always drives me insane. I’m sure in this WCW though, it’s cutting edge TV.

Overall Rating: D. Here’s the thing: for probably the first time since Russo took over, this show felt like it had a point. They have most of the big stuff set for Mayhem and gave you a reason to check out the show. That alone puts it ahead of almost anything else WCW has done in weeks. However, that brings us to the problem with the show.

Other than Hall vs. Benoit, this was one of the worst wrestling shows I’ve seen in a very long time. The wrestling ranged from too short to mean anything to just flat out bad. However, it did have the best match Nitro has offered in weeks which somehow makes this a better show. I hate to say it, but this bad show is somehow an improvement.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: November 11, 1999
Location: Allen County War Memorial, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Attendance: 3,283
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Larry Zbyszko

We’re closing in on Mayhem and I’m losing my will to fight. Thankfully this is a live show meaning it’s only going to be mostly horrible instead of the scum of the earth that it can be when it’s taped. One of the few good things about Russo TV is the matches are short so the horrors don’t go on as long. Let’s get to it.

One more note: of those 3,283 in attendance, 1,771 were paid. The WWF ran a house show at the same venue about seven months earlier and drew over 7,700 paid. The building’s capacity for a basketball game at the time: 10,240.

Opening sequence.

Lash Leroux vs. Evan Karagias

Disco comes out for commentary, which will be a running theme tonight. For Nitro: Evan vs. referee Johnny Boone, who is working this match. Why? Actually I was hoping you knew. Feeling out process with Evan taking Lash down for a headlock but Leroux uses the ropes for a break. Evan starts arguing with Boone, so here’s Madusa because the opening match on Thunder needs this many storylines. They start some basic wrestling to fill in time before the next story and Lash is clotheslined to the floor.

Cue the story as Disco hits on Madusa. That thankfully goes nowhere and Evan hammers on Lash, only to have Leroux flip out of a belly to back suplex and grab a Russian legsweep for two. Another suplex puts Evan down as Disco says he’s going to seal the deal with Madusa. Evan fights back with some chops and wins a slugout before getting two off a Thesz press. Instead of following up though, he goes after Disco for hitting on Madusa, who slaps Disco as she sees Evan. As he heads back inside, Leroux nails Whiplash for the pin.

Rating: D. This ran 4:34 and managed to fit all that nonsense in there. How in the world do they think this is the best course of action for the opening match? I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there or what I’m supposed to focus on, but I’m pretty sure it’s not the wrestling.

Disco laughs at Evan and says he’ll bet $25,000 that he can beat Karagias at Mayhem. Madusa helps Evan up, whispers in his ear and kisses him. Evan accepts and Disco is given another Whiplash.

Gene asks Berlyn why he stopped dancing, earning him a hand over his mouth and a threat. Were we really not supposed to realize that was Wright until now?

Sid is looking for Rick Steiner.

Berlyn vs. Curly Bill

My goodness. Of all the things in WCW, THIS is the thing that gets a blowoff??? Curly is announced from South Pittsburgh, Texas. Berlyn hammers him in the corner as you would expect but Curly slips out of an attempt at a slam. Cue one of the Misfits to tell Berlyn to come out back for a fight, but the Bodyguard goes instead. Not that it matters as Vampiro comes in to jump Berlyn for the DQ. See, this is one of those things where a simple tweak would have been fine. Why not have Berlyn get a quick pin on Bill and THEN do the angle? Would that have really hurt anything?

Post match, Curly covers Berlyn and counts his own three, so the Bodyguard comes in and throws him out. Thanks for wasting that extra bit of time guys.

Gene talks to La Parka and Silver King. La Parka speaks English here, on orders from the Powers That Be. His English is actually fine, making me wonder why in the world he’s never used it before. The guy was over, he was fine in the ring and apparently he could talk so wh……oh right it’s WCW. Or that wasn’t La Parka under the mask, which is always a possibility.

Chavo tries to sell Amway products to a Villano. OH COME ON. They’re making a throwaway line into an angle?

Rick Steiner rants about Sid dumping him for the Outsiders so Sid nails him. Security breaks it up and I guess that’s our next HUGE match.

La Parka/Silver King vs. Lizmark Jr./Villano V

Before the match, La Parka talks about learning promos but still getting stuck in these lame matches. His lips don’t move so maybe I don’t have to be so annoyed at WCW for not pushing him. Well not really as he was good enough to be pushed harder but at least the talking wasn’t as big of a deal. It sounded like Ed Ferrara this time. Everyone jumps La Parka for what he said and he starts with Lizmark. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts La Parka down and Lizmark taunts King into the ring for a beatdown on the skeleton guy. King gets back at him with a knee to the spine and it’s off to King and Villano.

King slams Villano down and does a dance (he’s no Big Wiggler) before tagging La Parka back in. Villano avoids a dropkick and Lizmark throws La Parka to the floor for a suicide dive. With his partner in trouble, King busts out the yet to be named 619 to taunt Lizmark before sidestepping a charging Villano. Now it’s King diving on everyone before what appeared to be an edit sends La Parka back to the ring. As in he was on the floor and a split second later he was on the mat. Lizmark misses a top rope backsplash and gets caught by La Parka’s corkscrew dive for the pin.

Rating: C-. Totally standard lucha tag with nothing interesting and the clipping being more distracting than anything else. So much for the show being live too. One might think they’re going somewhere with the La Parka stuff, but if he never gets near the title scene, none of it is going to mean much.

Post match La Parka chairs Lizmark and Villano.

Berlyn and the Bodyguard beat up Curly Bill in the back. This thing is continuing???

Hennig says he isn’t losing and going anywhere.

Chavo sells a childless Kaz Hayashi a bunch of diapers. I think this speaks for itself.

Recap of Nitro.

Booker says he and the woman from Nitro go back a long way. More on this later I’m assuming, but we might have to see Chavo selling stuff again.

Sid stares at Rick Steiner on a monitor. Steiner doesn’t seem to know that there’s a camera on him.

Disco is on the phone and says he’ll have their money. Maybe he can get some additional money if he gets rid of Hennig.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Booker T.

Steiner is defending and hammers Booker down in the corner to start. Back up and Booker ducks a Steinerline and hits the flying forearm and a side kick. They have to get all their stuff in though as this match isn’t likely to break five minutes. Steiner comes back with two straight belly to belly suplexes (check those off the list too) and clubbing forearms before we hit the chinlock. Booker quickly fights up with his series of kicks but Steiner shoves the referee in front of the missile dropkick. Cue Sid to shove Steiner off the top and plant him with a powerbomb to give Booker the pin!

Rating: D+. And never mind as this happens.

Other referee Johnny Boone comes out and we’ve got a Dusty Finish. Sid powerbombs both referees and brawls with Steiner. The match was nothing special and your standard angle disguised as a wrestling match.

Curt Hennig vs. Dean Malenko

Douglas is on commentary and Hennig is fired if he gets pinned. I believe this is the third week where we still have no explanation for why that’s the stipulation. They do some of that wrestling nonsense to start with Dean grabbing an armbar before opting to hammer away in the corner. You can see his soul dying with every punch. Curt gets two each off a sunset flip, backslide and rollup as he tries to keep his job.

Malenko bails to the floor before heading back inside, only to get punched in the face to send him back outside. Back in again and Dean grabs a quick belly to back before putting on a chinlock. Curt comes back with his usual but Dean hits a very unusual (for him anyway) low blow but gets small packaged to counter the Cloverleaf. Back up and Malenko misses a charge in the corner, only to have Asya distract the referee so Shane can hit Hennig with the cast.

This brings out Disco Inferno as Malenko covers off a suplex. Disco shoves Malenko off and covers Hennig but Curt gets up and hits Inferno. Dean suplexes Hennig again for two but Benoit runs out for the Swan Dive on Malenko as Disco keeps everyone else at bay, giving Hennig the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s kind of interesting that you have easily the best wrestling match of the night going on when they have a nonsensical run-in followed by a more sensible run-in to end the whole thing. As many people have said before: Russo did not know how a wrestling match was supposed to go so he watered it down into something he did understand and the wrestling fans suffered as a result. It’s so sad to see Dean clearly just there because he has to be and doing things he doesn’t want to do. You can see how miserable he is out there and I completely understand him leaving soon.

Rick Steiner and Sid fight.

Maestro is ready for his match with Brian Knobbs tonight and promises to go heavy metal if necessary. Well he’s already below Van Hammer so it can’t hurt.

Knobbs and Hart aren’t happy with Norman Smiley. I am as he’s one of the funniest things on the shows lately.

Maestro vs. Brian Knobbs

Hardcore. Smiley comes out for commentary with a violin case to distract Knobbs but it doesn’t work so well (imagine, mind games not working on Knobbs) as Brian nails Maestro with a trashcan a few times. It’s cookie sheet time but a chair shot doesn’t work as well as Maestro scores with a dropkick. Maestro gets in some basic weapons shots but Jimmy Hart grabs his leg, allowing Brian to take over again.

Smiley yells at Hart to scare him off and the guys in the ring trade more basic weapons shots. There’s not much to say here other than “Knobbs hits Maestro, Maestro hits Knobbs, Knobbs and Maestro are hitting each other.” They head outside where Smiley goes after Jimmy to distract Knobbs, allowing Norman to hit Brian with a pipe. Maestro rolls Knobbs up for the pin.

Rating: D-. I just sat through five minutes of Maestro to set up a Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs match. This is what I’ve come to in my life. It’s also proof that there’s more to this kind of stuff than just hitting people with weapons. People remember Road Dogg, Al Snow and Crash doing the same weak spots because they did them with some charisma and other creative spots to go with it. Also it helped when they did things outside the ring area but that could go horribly for WCW. Anyway, match was as bad as you would expect it to be.

We look at Malenko beating Mysterio on Nitro.

Tag Team Titles: Kidman/Konnan vs. Barbarian/Jerry Flynn

I’m assuming this is a title match with Kidman and Konnan defending in case you’re really new at this. Torrie is in a backless green top and even Barbarian seems to notice her. After far too many catchphrases and unintelligible gibberish from the Animals, Flynn goes outside to hit on Torrie and gets slapped in the face. She’s not into mullets I guess. Eddie goes after Flynn and gets both himself and Torrie ejected. There goes the interest in the match. As this is going on, Konnan and Kidman double team Barbarian with Kidman getting two off a middle rope Thesz press.

Barbarian shoves him out of the corner though and it’s off to Flynn for a spinwheel kick. Yes Jerry Flynn is throwing kicks people. I’m stunned too. A belly to belly gets two on Kidman before it’s off to Barbarian for a headbutt and a powerbomb, putting him on the same list as Lodi and Sid. Now there are three names you’ll probably never see together again. Barbarian misses a top rope headbutt but catches Kidman on top with a huge belly to belly superplex. Cool move actually. Everything breaks down and Kidman hits a high cross body to pin Barbarian.

Rating: C. This was WAY better than I was expecting but that might be due to it being so simple. The Animals were never in any danger but you have two guys get in some decent looking offense on them and it’s a nice little match. I still stand by my theory that Barbarian is very underrated. The guy kept getting steady work for over ten years and had some good looking power moves. He was a great role player and nothing more but he was good at what he did.

Luger says he meant to mace Goldberg on Monday and promises to make it up to Sting. The fact that these two are in a feud in 1999 tells you almost everything you need to know about where this company is heading.

Video on the Nitro Girls civil war. They really think we remember which of these are which?

The Revolution says they’re not done. Saturn starts talking about the Beatles so Malenko asks him who writes his promos. In an actually funny reply, Saturn pulls out a notebook and says “I do! I’ve got a hundred of them!” That one caught me by surprise. Well done.

Total Package vs. Kaz Hayashi

During the entrances, Norman Smiley vs. Jimmy Hart is announced for Nitro. Yes, that’s a match they want to advertise in advance. Luger comes out with a knee brace and street clothes on, saying he’s wrestled over 3,000 matches in thirteen years and won’t be able to compete on this knee. Kaz is annoyed that Luger mispronounces his name and calls him a chicken so the fight is on. A suplex, choking and a clothesline set up the Rack to end this in less than a minute and a half. Total squash.

Luger holds his knee post match. There’s nothing wrong with a good old fake injury.

Sid Vicious vs. Perry Saturn

Sid shoves him down to start and nails a clothesline as Shane Douglas jumps in on commentary again. Saturn’s cross body is countered into a backbreaker as we seem to already be in squash mode. Malenko offers a distraction but gets stared down, only to have Saturn dive on his stable mate by mistake. So Sid is so insane that he makes the other wrestlers make mistakes?

After being dropped on the barricade, Saturn grabs a quick t-bone suplex back inside, followed by a springboard leg for two. A springboard forearm staggers Sid again but he kicks Saturn in the face to take over. Saturn kicks him low to break up the chokeslam, only to jump into it a second later. Powerbomb is good for the pin.

Rating: D-. Oh sweet mother of goodness they’re turning Sid face aren’t they? I know it’s been hinted at all night but he’s wrestling this match as the good guy. Just…..no people. I know he’s insane and the crowd likes him but I can’t just forget all the matches he messed up, ruining Benoit’s push and EVERYTHING ELSE he’s done in the last few months to accept him as a face now.

I rant and rave about a lot of things WCW does but this actually bugs me. Sid needs to do WAY more than fight Rick Steiner (after turning on Steiner like a heel would. So yes, Rick Steiner should be the face in this feud and good night does that sound wrong to say) to be forgiven for what he’s done in the last few months but this is the new WCW I guess.

Sid teases powerbombs on Malenko and Asya but has to fight off an invading Rick Steiner to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Somehow this was one of the better shows of the Russo run so far. It’s another meaningless show with no connection to most of the main stories, but now we get a SID face push. I can tolerate these shows a lot more easily than Nitro as it’s shorter and less insane, but it doesn’t mean they’re fun to watch.

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Thunder
Date: November 4, 1999
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 5,091
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Scott Hudson

It’s a taped show in the Russo Era, which is the kind of thing nightmares are made of. I’m not sure anyone wants to see what’s going on with this show but at least it’s only two hours instead of three and there are no tournament matches in sight. Maybe it’ll even make sense! Ok I got ahead of myself there. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Evan Karagias vs. Juventud Guerrera

This is the third shot at this match after having Bret and Sid interrupt the previous attempts. The fans aren’t pleased with Juvy so he fires off kicks at Evan, only to charge into a boot and a powerslam for two. Well we’re already closing in on the first match’s time. Juvy escapes a suplex but fails on a rollup attempt, setting up a double clothesline to put both guys down.

Back up and Evan chops away, only to duck his head and get caught by a DDT. Juvy again stops to pose for the crowd and walks into a gorilla press hot shot. Evan misses a Lionsault but is still able to crotch Juvy on the top. They slug it out until Norman Smiley of all people comes out to interrupt, meaning the match doesn’t end again.

Rating: C-. This could potentially be a running joke. Granted the joke would have a shelf life of about a month but there’s potential there. Unfortunately I don’t think that’s the plan and they just don’t care about the match and are using it as a backdrop for people to come out here and break the script for whatever they have to talk about. As usual, Russo has so much to do that he can’t fit it all into five hours of TV a week.

Norman asks Juvy (in Spanish) for a minute. Now, everyone knows that Norman is hardcore to the bone and is here to bring the Big Wiggle to the division. When you think of hardcore, you think of one man: NORman. Both cruiserweights beat him up but he eventually collapses, causing them to dropkick each other. With both guys down, IT’S WIGGLE TIME! Norman is WAY too talented for this but he’s hilarious in the role.

Shane Douglas thinks the Revolution should allow new members if someone good is available. Saturn says even NFL teams screw up in their first draft picks sometimes.

Sid, in red pants and a hat that covers about 25% of his hair, is told that there’s a change in booking tonight. His match: teaming with Saturn to face Rick Steiner and Chris Benoit. Oh that wacky Russo. Sid isn’t happy but he’ll do it.

Booker T. vs. Kaz Hayashi

Booker easily sends him into the corner to start but lets him out with a clean break. That Booker is a nice guy. A powerslam drops Hayashi but Booker poses too long (common problem tonight) and misses an elbow, allowing Kaz to fire off some low dropkicks. Why do I have a feeling that’s the extent of his offense in this match?

T. heads outside where Kaz teases a dive to make Booker duck, only to hit the slingshot dive on the real attempt. Sensing his brother being in trouble, Stevie comes over and pounds on Kaz and of course the referee is all fine with this. Back in and Booker nails a Rock Bottom, followed by the 110^th Street Slam and the missile dropkick for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was supposed to be a squash but it wound up being Harlem Heat having to team up to beat Kaz Hayashi. Booker really shouldn’t be having issues like these against someone as low level as this. It’s almost like they have no idea how to book someone in the midcard. Also, this is going to be the closest thing we have to a clean finish all night isn’t it?

The Filthy Animals steal Doug Dillinger’s wallet with Torrie offering a distraction. Again, we’re supposed to cheer for these guys right?

Rick Seiner says he and Sid will be the last men standing in the tag match tonight. Ok then.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Coach Buzz Stern

That’s Glacier if you’ve tried to block this from your memory. Coach actually takes over with a shoulder block and backbreaker to start as student Luther Biggs takes notes. That makes sense, as does the Animals taking his notebook. Hoodlums. Eddie nails a headscissors that sends Stern over to yell at the Animals, who promptly destroy him for about 30 seconds. Of course this doesn’t matter because WCW referees are worthless, including allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb to set up the frog splash for the pin. Comedy match.

Biggs gets beaten down as well and the Animals steal Stern’s shirt.

The challengers for the Tag Team Titles don’t seem to get along but are ready to win the belts. Their names: Berlyn and Curly Bill. This really shouldn’t surprise you.

Rick Steiner warns Benoit that it’s going to be a long night. I reiterate: ok then.

Tournament recap.

The Revolution want to know why Sid is teaming with Saturn, but Sid just says he isn’t happy. Were they running really short tonight?

Gene interviews La Parka of all people, with La Parka speaking Spanish about making it big in the United States and facing Buff Bagwell. That’s pretty basic stuff, but the captioning is a huge rant about La Parka wearing his costume as a tribute to He-Man villain Skeletor because he has every episode on tape at his house and will defeat Bagwell tonight BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL! I know I rip on Russo a lot (and with good reason), but this was hilarious.

Buff Bagwell vs. La Parka

After a quick recap of what these two have been through so far, we see that Buff isn’t that into the match again. La Parka does his dance but throws in the Hogan hand to the ear to keep himself the most over unimportant luchador on the roster. An armdrag puts Buff down and they take more time to play to the crowd. After a lot of strutting from both men, La Parka slams him down a few times.

Buff tries to get the fans to cheer for La Parka, but the masked man gets ticked off. He tells Buff to come after him so Bagwell stomps away in the corner before kneeling in the middle of the ring so La Parka can kick him like he did on Nitro a few weeks back. This time though Buff ducks and stomps away, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D. La Parka is rapidly becoming a favorite of mine, but this Buff storyline is killing whatever interest anyone else can dig up. It’s all this “haha we’re so smart that we’re going to expose the business to make the sheep keep watching”, even though the shows are getting almost unwatchable at times. But hey, people are talking! They’re laughing and calling this show a disaster and it’s killing any future potential, but they’re talking!

Kidman is too preoccupied with Torrie being back to worry about defending the titles tonight. Usually that line would make me roll my eyes, but it’s Berlyn and Curly Bill. Come on.

Tag Team Titles: Konnan/Kidman vs. Berlyn/Curly Bill

Guess who’s defending. The intros take forever as all of the Animals have to jabber on like all those young 90s kids talked. I’ll give them this on their entrances: going from rap to opera to country is quite the variety. Berlyn fires off a bunch of strikes at Kidman to start but Kidman ducks under some clotheslines and gets two off a cross body. A powerslam puts Kidman down but Berlyn is dumb enough to try a powerbomb.

Kidman has been practicing though as he punches down instead of breaking it up with the usual faceplant. Off to Konnan for his finishing sequence but he whips Berlyn into the ropes instead of going for the Tequila Sunrise, earning him a clothesline. Off to Bill who CLEANS HOUSE (!) but quickly wants the tag. That’s not good with Berlyn, who knocks him out with the loaded glove, setting up the Tequila Sunrise.

Rating: D-. So the Neo Nazi punched out the black cowboy so the Spanish speaker and his fellow thieves can retain their titles. Which part of that makes you scratch your head? That’s a serious question actually as I’m really curious to see which one of them is the most bizarre. This is another stupid idea that just gets thrown out there for surprise value.

The Animals stomp Bill because they’re good guys like that.

Gene brings out Lash Leroux, who says he doesn’t trust Disco as far as he can throw his granddaddy’s mule. Disco has his Cajunweight title and Lash is coming for it.

After a break, Gene brings out Van Hammer, who is the rumored newest member of the Revolution. “For the Revolution, I’ll be a revelation.” No you won’t be. You suck too much.

Silver King vs. Lash Leroux

Feeling out process to start until Leroux gets taken down with a drop toehold. A standing Harlem Hangover gets two for King before Lash rolls under a spinwheel kick to send King down. It’s time for the dance into the splits into a clothesline before they head outside where King whips him hard into the steps. Back in and Leroux comes right back with a high cross body, only to get kicked HARD in the head to put him down again.

King goes to the ropes for something like a springboard Whisper in the Wind splash for two. They head outside one more time and now it’s King being sent into the barricade. Back in again and Lash gets taken down by another drop toehold but he avoids something like a Lionsault. A quick dropkick sets up the Whiplash for the pin.

Rating: C-. When did Silver King get this good at high flying? He was busting out some pretty insane stuff out there despite looking like a little butter ball. Lash isn’t bad but he really doesn’t have a character outside of being Cajun, and you can only rely on that accent for so long.

Benoit says Malenko is his prey now and he’ll fight Sid and Steiner by himself if he has to.

Dean Malenko vs. Van Hammer

Hudson says three fourths of the Revolution is here. I’d assume he means Benoit is the missing link because WCW announcers are stupid. Hammer says he should be in the Revolution and says they can do this the easy way or the hard way. Dean decks him for general purposes and goes after the knee. Hammer limps around but actually catches Dean in a powerslam. He can’t follow up though because of his knee and Dean nails him with a flying clothesline.

Since you need help with Van Hammer, Saturn gets in a knee shot of his own. Back up and Dean misses a charge, setting up a quick Flashback for two. We hit the cobra clutch but of course there’s a ref bump (that should be the center square on Russo Bingo so far), allowing the rest of the team to crotch Hammer on the post. The Cloverleaf makes Hammer tap.

Rating: D. Gah they can’t just let a match go simply can they? At some point the fans are going to catch on to all the ref bumps (by at some point I mean by the second one) and stop caring. Then again one of the big stories right now is THIS IS ALL FAKE AND I HATE THE BOOKING so I don’t think insulting their intelligence is all that big of a priority.

Video showing how much the Powers That Be have been screwing with lower midcard guys and Madusa. This doesn’t make the whole thing any better.

Battle Royal

Steve Regal, Dave Taylor, Chris Adams, Jerry Flynn, Prince Iaukea, Scotty Riggs, El Dandy, Chavo Guerrero

E freaking gads man. Apparently this is an Opportunity Knocks battle royal and the seven non-winners are on the bubble for roster spots and the winner gets a golden opportunity on Nitro. Why do I have a feeling that’s code for getting squashed by Goldberg or getting nothing because WCW won’t remember it?

Oh and just because we need one, Hudson says this isn’t a good time “to go up north.” This is from November 1999. The WWF had been a national promotion for what……at least twelve years now? And yes I get that it’s their headquarters but it’s another stupid insider line that most fans won’t get and another reason why WCW is stupid.

It’s a huge brawl to start with El Dandy being thrown out just after the bell. The Brits get in a fight (it’s expensive living in England) and Chavo takes advantage by knocking out Adams. Regal responds by kicking him low before Riggs, Flynn and Iaukea are all out in a hurry, leaving us with Regal, Taylor and Guerrero. The Brits get together but Taylor clotheslines Regal by mistake but gets eliminated anyway. A quick catapult sends Regal out to give Chavo the win as the announcers say there are seven roster spots open.

Rating: F. I don’t often do this, but I’m going to give a spoiler for this coming Nitro: Chavo wins nothing. He goes into the Powers That Be’s office and asks for his opportunity. Russo says that the opportunity for Chavo is selling Amway and throws him out. I knew something like that was going to happen as soon as this match started not because I read a spoiler, but because that’s how WCW works these days. Total waste of time and a nothing match.

Rick and Sid talk about doing the finger poke ending. That’s referenced and used WAY too often.

Sid Vicious/Perry Saturn vs. Chris Benoit/Rick Steiner

Let’s get this over with. Asya and Saturn come out, with Saturn saying that’s one fourth of the team. If Asya counts as a member, it’s one half. If Asya doesn’t count as a member, it’s one third. Again, WCW announcers are all stupid. It’s in their contracts. Here’s the opening of the match: Rick drops down for a cover but small packages Sid for two (just like Hall did on Monday). Sid responds by powerbombing him (hopefully ending their friendship) and leaving, meaning it’s Saturn vs. Benoit. Somehow this match might now suck!

They slug it out in the corner with Benoit getting the better of it with chops and a back elbow to stop a running Saturn. A backbreaker gets two on Saturn but he pops back up with a t-bone suplex. Benoit has to raise his knees to block a Lionsault and Rick gets on the apron for a tag.

Thankfully Benoit is a wrestling fan and doesn’t let him in….and Steiner blasts him with a clothesline because WE NEED RICK STEINER IN OUR LIVES! Steiner suplexes Saturn too, just so we know he’s way better than both guys, and leaves. The Crossface doesn’t work so Benoit rolls some Germans instead. The Swan Dive misses but Malenko comes in for the DQ anyway.

Rating: C. This was one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a good while but it was mostly Benoit vs. Saturn for four minutes so I can’t complain. Yet again we have more overbooking because Russo is so sure we need it, meaning we get nonsense like Sid getting a paycheck for 45 seconds of “work” and Rick Steiner laying out everyone because he’s Rick Steiner and therefore has to be dominant. Oh geez we’re getting Sid vs. Steiner now aren’t we?

The Filthy Animals run in to attack everyone to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was actually a pretty watchable show when they let the wrestlers wrestle. They kept things moving for the most part which is the best thing they could do on a show like this. It’s kind of nice to have something almost completely unrelated from the title tournament stuff, but it’s kind of terrifying that this was their second best batch of ideas.

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Monday Nitro #212
Date: November 1, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 8,362
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s still tournament time and tonight we get the other half of the first round. Some of the matches were already announced on Thunder, but I’d actually be surprised if they remembered those matches after four days. Other than that I’m sure we’ll see a lot more of the Filthy Animals vs. the Revolution, which hopefully means more of Torrie. Let’s get to it.

The Outsiders are drinking in their locker room when Bret comes in to yell at them for interfering last week. They handed him the US Title but Bret wants them to stay out of his business. You can see it coming from here.

After the usual intro, here’s Bret on crutches with something to say. He’s seen the tape from last week (now there’s something you don’t hear every day) and doesn’t want to be associated with screwjobs. As far as he’s concerned, Goldberg is still the US Champion. This brings out Sid to say it’s his because he has proof Goldberg said he quit at Halloween Havoc. They tell each other to screw themselves but here are the Outsiders to break up a powerbomb. Nash hands Sid the belt but tells him to go to the back. They yell at Bret as this is already confusing.

There’s a cage above the ring.

Here are some more brackets for the tournament.

Chris Benoit

Dean Malenko

Madusa

Evan Karagias

Scott Hall

Sid Vicious

The Cat

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Stevie Ray

Vampiro

Berlyn

Disco Inferno

Curt Hennig

Booker T.

Jeff Jarrett

Double Madusa. Oh joy.

Saturn and Torrie arrive on a motorcycle but Asya is right there to prevent her from running off. That’s one of the more logical things I’ve seen on this show in weeks.

Quick look back at Savage’s speech last week about finding someone to hand the torch to.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Vampiro vs. Berlyn

Berlyn takes him down with a headlock to start but Vampiro does the same to him. In a match between two people who could be World Champion, the announcers talk about Torrie. Back up and Berlyn scores with a kick to the ribs but charges into a powerslam for no cover. Cue the band the Misfits to surround the ring as Berlyn hits a spinwheel kick. Vampiro kicks him down as well but the referee gets bumped. The bodyguard comes in with his loaded glove but the Misfits take him out, allowing Vampiro to hit him with a chair. Vampiro dives into a dropkick but the Misfits trip Berlyn to give Vampiro the pin.

Rating: D. Someone take away Russo’s caffine. It’s a four minute and eleven second match but there was a ref bump (I’ll go low and say the first of three tonight) and FIVE people interfering. I’m fine with Vampiro pinning Berlyn, but you can easily do the same thing and get to the same post match stuff with WAY more extra stuff. Does Russo really think fans aren’t going to stick around for this match if the Misfits and the bodyguard don’t interfere during a ref bump? I know he’s delusional but come on.

Post match Berlyn says screw this character and walks off.

Kevin Nash says he can’t be Scott Hall’s manager tonight so he’ll be his promoter instead.

Shane Douglas has Torrie in a cage because that’s how you treat filthy animals. “Is this how Billy likes it?”

After a recap of the Revolution kidnapping Torrie last week, here’s the Revolution for a chat. Shane calls out the Filthy Animals because he has an offer for them. Saturn has the key to the cage, so he challenges Eddie for…….wait for it…….you know it’s coming……..A KEY ON A POLE MATCH!!! I’m stunned it took Russo this long to get to one. Malenko rips on Benoit so here’s Chris to say we should make their match a cage match. And thank goodness there’s one above the ring.

Kevin Nash is in a makeup chair.

The Filthy Animals aren’t allowed into the building so they beat up the security guards.

Mike Tenay is in the back with the Nitro Girls. Kimberly says Page is so injured that she has to leave the team to take care of him.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: The Cat vs. Lash Leroux

The now blond Miller is here against doctor’s orders though the injury isn’t specified. He slaps Lash in the face to start and punches his way out of a sunset flip attempt. Somehow being injured has really opened up his offense. Lash Irish whips him across the ring, Miller’s knee gives out, Lash grabs a basic leg lock and Cat gives up. This didn’t even last a minute and the announcers were too busy talking about Nash’s makeup to notice the match until it was over.

Hart says either the Outsiders or Sid are going to pay.

AC Jazz and Spice argue over who is going to lead the Nitro Girls. Why do they need a leader? Ah that would be because EVERYTHING HAS TO BE AN ANGLE around here.

The Filthy Animals are filming Luger and Elizabeth, with the former wanting to know what Elizabeth is going to do to help in his matches. The audio is out of sync and the camera crew is shown directing the scene. I’m assuming this is more breaking the fourth wall, but it might be something a bit better, like horrible production and not knowing how to run a show.

Larry Zbyszko has gone to Scott Steiner’s house to talk about Scott’s recent back surgery. Scott hurt his back about a year ago and then a shoulder injury made it even worse. The medicine didn’t help so he had surgery and starts rehab in 21 days. This didn’t mean much but an update is nice.

The Nitro Girls get in a fight during their routine. My goodness just let them be cheerleaders.

Tenay tells Buff Bagwell that the Powers That Be have a new surprise for him. Buff says that’s two for him and zero for them.

Nash is on the phone.

We recap the Nitro Girls fighting. Wrestling? Anyone? Soon perhaps?

They fight again in the back. Egads that’s four segments in the first hour. Add “patience” to the list of words Russo doesn’t know.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Buff Bagwell vs. Stevie Ray

Wait, this isn’t ready to go yet either. Stevie says the Powers That Be have made this a strap match. He chokes away in the corner as Heenan thinks Nash’s makeup reminds him of a former employer. We’re getting Kevin McMahon aren’t we? More choking ensues until Buff throws him over the top to hang Stevie. Cue the Harris Brothers to jump Buff and that’s a DQ. So the Powers want to screw with Buff by having him advance in the tournament?

Buff gets away so they go after Stevie, only to have Booker come out for the save.

Jeff Jarrett is annoyed people still think he hit Elizabeth with a guitar. What’s funnier to me is that she hasn’t mentioned it yet.

Here’s Kevin Nash as Vince McMahon. I guess this is the long awaited response to the Billionaire Ted skits? Nash says he does everything for the fans in his best Vince voice, which really isn’t all that great. He’s the most powerful man in sports entertainment and he built this place single handedly. In a pre-emptive move tells the fans not to chant insults at him. He’s a billionaire due to the stock options but he categorically denies anything going on.

Here’s his future World Champion who he’ll push as a babyface until people are sick of him. He’s clean, he’s sober, he’ll work in the main event against Jeff Jarrett, and he has more than one catchphrase: Scott Hall. Scott brings Nash a wig and says he can’t follow this because the Powers That Be told him he’s gone if he has one more strike and he doesn’t want to burn bridges up north. Hall asks who picks out Vince’s clothes and thinks they’re from JC Penny. To all the boys in New York, the attitude is down here.

Hokey freaking smoke this was horrible. That’s in addition to being stupid, completely missing the point, ticking off the audience, and being the last thing they should be doing when they haven’t won a night in the ratings in a year now. The imitation wasn’t even funny, especially given that Vince is basically a walking cartoon character. How many of those jokes do they think the common fan understood? The worst part, I don’t think they care how many the fans understood, because this was just for the writers to laugh at and had nothing to do with the audience, because that’s what WCW is about these days.

Luger comes up to Meng and tells him that Jeff Jarrett is making fun of him in the back. I’m assuming this is about Liz getting attacked? Jeff has been giving out bananas because Meng likes them, so Luger gives Meng one. Meng eats the banana without peeling it. I could turn this show in as a psychology project and get an A just for finding something this insane.

Hennig isn’t going to retire anytime soon and will beat Disco tonight.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Disco Inferno vs. Curt Hennig

Curt’s dad Larry is in the crowd and hugs his son. Disco tries to get a hug as well but Curt nails him from behind and takes him inside for a nice running dropkick. Some chops put Disco on the floor where Larry gets in some shots of his own. Back in and Hennig charges into a boot in the corner, setting up a swinging neckbreaker from Disco. The offense goes nowhere but Disco blocks the PerfectPlex. Can we go back to the Larry stuff? The Chartbuster is blocked as well and Disco heads outside to talk to the yet to be named fan (ECW’s Tony Mamaluke)…..and gets counted out.

Rating: D-. And that man is a champion ladies and gentlemen. The best part of this match really was Larry Hennig getting a reaction from the crowd who remembers the days when wrestlers wrestled instead of imitating the owners of other promotions in not funny comedy bits. If there’s a reason behind this Curt gets fired if he loses bit, I’m not seeing it. Finally, there was no mention of Mamaluke being the same guy that used to be Lodi’s biggest fan.

The Filthy Animals want Torrie back and Konnan issues an open challenge for the Tag Team Titles.

Norman Smiley is wearing catching gear and dancing.

Nash is “getting into character. Get it?” It makes no more sense on screen.

Meng vs. Barbarian vs. Norman Smiley

Hardcore match. Apparently Madusa is back in the tournament because it wasn’t fair to have her fight Meng with no warning. Smiley is wearing the catcher’s gear to the ring which would eventually become football pads. The monsters fight in the corner but Meng stops to beat him up. Tony thinks this is hilarious. The former Faces of Fear double team Smiley with weapons shots until Barbarian hits Meng in the head with a mop. They do the same sequence again but with a trashcan instead of a mop.

Norman keeps trying to fight back but Meng knocks him into the corner and dropkicks Barbarian down. Meng takes off Norman’s catcher’s mask and knocks him to the floor where Jimmy Hart rips off the chest protector. Back to more double teaming of Smiley in the ring and a stretcher comes out to save Norman. However, it’s a ruse as Norman sees both guys down in the ring with Meng face first between Barbarian’s legs. Somehow that’s not a cover from Meng so Norman runs in to pin Barbarian.

Rating: D-. Oh for goodness’ sake. Somehow this match was the longest of the night at a whopping six minutes and thirty one seconds. I guess this is supposed to pass for comedy now as you have Norman go from nothing to being the hardcore idiot, which is better than what he was doing in theory. Somehow this is going to get even worse I’m sure, but just let it be shorter. Please?

Norman does the Big Wiggle on the announcers’ table.

Jeff Jarrett says it’s time for his public apology.

Jim Duggan talks to the Powers That Be and says he’s lost a kidney but he can have a bigger impact in the few years he has left than he’s had in the last twenty years. A voice (Russo) asks if Duggan is asking for an opportunity. That’s all Duggan wants, but Russo asks how that will help the ratings. He’ll think about it.

Sidebar for future reference: the only people who care about ratings are either people who work for a wrestling company or people with WAY too much time on their hands. Stop using them as a plot device, because almost no one knows or cares what the heck you’re talking about and it just sounds dumb. Wrestlers fight for championships or to settle scores, not for the ratings. Also, you lose the right to talk about ratings after that Nash skit earlier.

Hall and Nash are in the back and say if Sid gets screwed, it’s because Sid screwed Sid. Can we at least get a reference to something not almost two years ago?

Luger talks to Meng again but Meng doesn’t seem to understand.

Here’s Jeff Jarrett, who demands Luger come out here and apologize for accusing him of attacking Liz last week. Jarrett: “This isn’t the WWF and we don’t abuse women here.” Luger and Liz come out and admit that they’re not sure it was Jeff, so they’re sorry. However, Luger thinks it might have been Meng, who Jeff calls a giant ape. Cue Meng to chase Jarrett off, allowing Liz to mace Meng so Luger can beat on him with a tire iron. Couldn’t he have done this in the back? Or during the hardcore match when Meng was out cold? Too logical I’m guessing?

Sid doesn’t answer when the Outsiders knock on his door.

Luger asks Sting to team up with him to go after the Tag Team Titles.

Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Pole match with Torrie in a shark cage on a fork lift, wearing a dress cut lower than this show’s ratings. Eddie is on Saturn from the bell and takes him outside for a whip into the barricade. The early attempt at the key doesn’t work though as Saturn comes back in and suplexes Eddie instead. Eddie pops back up though and nails a SWEET springboard tornado DDT, but this time it’s Shane stopping the run for the key.

After a crash onto Kidman, Eddie runs back in to stop Saturn as I ask the obvious question: WHY ARE THEY CLIMBING A FREAKING POLE??? I know Russo hates wrestling but what’s up with the pole thing? Anyway Saturn superplexes Eddie down and plants him with a piledriver but drops a headbutt instead of going for the key. Eddie gets back up and sends him into the cage, where Torrie reaches through to choke Saturn. With the other Animals going holding back the Revolution, Eddie climbs the pole and (eventually since the pole is greased. Yes grease on a pole) gets the key.

Rating: D. I’m so glad we built up this story last week and blew it off with a five minute pole match instead of some big fight between the two groups to win Torrie’s freedom. Instead, Eddie climbed up the pole and got the key to the shark cage to get her off the forklift. Somehow, a week is a long build up for Russo. That sums up so many of his problems.

Torrie is freed and that’s that.

The Outsiders are in the back and “McMahon” tells Sid to trust him. Sid goes into a rant about getting screwed when he left the WWF so Nash takes off the wig and Sid starts laughing. For the far too many-th time tonight, what in the world are they talking about?

Luger is now focused on the Tag Team Title shot.

Tag Team Titles: Konnan/Kidman vs. Sting/Total Package

Sting and Luger are challenging. Tony’s horrible sense of timing continues as he says last week’s 13 second Sting vs. Knobbs “match” was about two minutes long. Package starts by posing but Sting cleans house instead. We finally settle down to Kidman vs. Luger with Lex laughing at him until a dropkick puts him down. Luger tries to get up but grabs his knee. He crawls over to Sting for a tag as Konnan comes in to clean house. It’s so bad that Mysterio and Guerrero come in for the DQ beatdown of Sting. Another angle instead of a match.

The Animals destroy Sting and beat him down with the bat. So is Sting back to being a face like he should have been all along? That might be the first thing Russo has gotten right. The Animals leave so Sting yells at Luger.

Hall says he’ll lay down for Sid tonight. Nash says he did these skits because he’s the only giant left (remember that he’s saying this to SID) and has no booking power.

Sting looks for the Animals, because somehow they’re a main event level group all of a sudden.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Booker T. vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff goes after him in the aisle but the referee takes the guitar away, allowing Booker to come back with some right hands. They fight into the ring where Booker nails a spin kick and spinning forearm, only to get sent outside for some whips into steel objects. The Harris Brothers are on the stage as Jeff clotheslines Booker down and puts on a sleeper.

Booker escapes and hits his usual finishing sequence, only to have the bald guys throw in a guitar. With one of them offering a distraction, Jeff nails Booker with the guitar. Despite seeing the guitar come in, being maybe two weeks from the guitar hitting Booker in the head and DIVING OVER THE BROKEN PIECES, Robinson counts the pin.

Goldberg is on the set of Slam (the name of Ready to Rumble, even though Tenay used the name Ready To Rumble earlier in the night) and wants to kill Sid and the Outsiders.

The Nitro Girls are still fighting so Nash comes in and says save it for the pay per view.

Evan Karagias wants to be Madusa’s friend after their match tonight.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Madusa vs. Evan Karagias

Madusa gropes him to start but then shoves his hat off. Evan grabs her from behind but rubs her legs. She lays down but Evan pulls her up, only to get kissed down to give Madusa the pin in another nothing angle disguised as a match.

David Flair talks to his crowbar.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

In a cage. Malenko (who got a jobber’s entrance. IN A CAGE MATCH?) chokes him down in the corner to start but Benoit comes back with shots to the ribs and a powerbomb, sending Malenko head first into the top of the cage for a bonus. Benoit chops away and dropkicks him into the cage, only to miss another dropkick so Malenko can catapult him into the steel.

A few battering rams send Benoit head first into the cage, but he escapes a third one and plants Malenko with a tombstone in a nice counter. Chris slits his throat and goes up, only to have Malenko pop up and superplex Benoit off the top. Cue Saturn with a chain, but Benoit intercepts the pass to Malenko and knocks Dean cold (like ice man). With no real need to other than to finally wake up the crowd, Benoit goes up top and nails a HUGE Swan Dive from the top of the cage for the pin.

Rating: C+. 90% of that is for the Swan Dive alone. Thankfully they let this have some time (four and a half minutes is time in Russo World) as Benoit and Malenko could have a good match in their sleep. I’m glad to see Benoit rising above the rest of the midcard and he deserves this more than Malenko (not that he doesn’t deserve a push of his own).

Cue the Revolution to chain Benoit to the cage. Before they can get much further though, the Filthy Animals come out for the save but David Flair comes out to crowbar all of them down. Konnan tries to get out but Sting comes in to beat him down. Patience Russo, patience. I assure you it won’t hurt anything and you can get all your nonsense in every week.

David Flair leaves and gets run down by a car. Kimberly gets out and pokes him before getting back in and driving away. I think the whiplash I’m getting from these fast angles is worse than whatever is wrong with David.

Nash is down in the back and says Bret did it. Russo trope: someone being down when we didn’t see the attack.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall

Sid has the US Title on. They talk trash until Sid pokes him in the chest to put Hall down. Sid covers but Hall tries a small package for two. The bigger guy is ticked off and pounds Sid against the ropes before getting two off a backbreaker. Sid chokes even more as the fans want Goldberg. The cobra clutch has Hall in trouble but Hall fights back with right hands. A chokeslam drops Hall again but the referee goes down because we need to fill the quota. Bret comes out and breaks his crutch over Sid’s back, allowing Hall to cover for the pin.

Rating: D-. At least the show is over and at least this story makes something resembling sense. The fact that I can map out the story from beginning to end and (if I ignore the Vince stuff) make sense of it tells me that it’s probably the best story on the show. Now if only we can get a match to go five minutes.

Hall gets the title to end the show.

Here are the updated brackets, assuming they don’t switch things up:

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

???

Meng

Sting

Chris Benoit

Madusa

Scott Hall

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Berlyn

Curt Hennig

Jeff Jarrett

Overall Rating: D-. Yet somehow, this was a step in the right direction from last week. They cut down on some of the stupid stuff, but at the same time cranked up some of the other problems. The Vince McMahon stuff wasn’t funny, didn’t lead anywhere and seemed to be there to make Russo laugh. That MIGHT have gone over better today since Vince has basically turned into an insane man from time to time, but this was just one big inside joke that got TV time.

The wrestling sucked tonight but that goes without saying on a Russo show. This tournament is a mess, but next week will only (in theory at least) have half the matches of the first two weeks. Multiple tournament matches were turned into gimmick matches, because apparently I’ll care about Stevie Ray vs. Bagwell in a strap match.

At least there are a few stories taking shape, even if they’re not very good. Unfortunately for every Revolution vs. Filthy Animals, there’s a Buff Bagwell REAL LIFE story. These “shoot” stories are getting old fast but Russo seems to think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread (that would be sliced bread #1 in case that’s not clear). Horrible show this week and I see no reason to keep coming back, especially with two weeks before Mayhem.

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Thunder
Date: October 28, 1999
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 5,091
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

The company has been turned upside down in the last week and a half as suddenly there’s a World Title tournament for the vacant belt, wrestling doesn’t matter, and the Filthy Animals are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Now to be fair that means Torrie on TV a lot more so maybe this isn’t all bad. Heaven help us with whatever Thunder is going to become. Let’s get to it.

Opening montage.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

This is a rematch from when Bret interrupted their match on Nitro a few weeks back. Evan misses an early dropkick and gets headscissored down but Juvy stops to pose. He spends too long though and gets sent into the buckle so Evan can hammer away in the corner. A spinwheel kick drops Evan but he reverses a suplex into one of his own. They’re starting to pick things up a bit. Juvy nails a dropkick and a headbutt before yelling at the fans…..and here’s Sid so never mind.

Sid actually doesn’t destroy them and lets Juvy leave. He says he’s undefeated and has proof that Goldberg didn’t beat him. Sid throws out an open challenge to anyone in the back and Juvy comes back in to sit on the ropes. Thankfully that’s just a red herring as Benoit comes out to accept the challenge. Sid promises to cripple Benoit tonight and chokeslam the cruiserweights to restore our faith in him.

The announcers chatter about Benoit.

The Maestro is in the back and talks about being the star of the show. This character is as much of a disaster as Berlyn.

Chavo Guerrero is looking for Goldberg because he wants TV time.

Prince Iaukea vs. The Maestro

Good grief end this show already. Iaukea dropkicks Maestro as he turns around so Maestro points a finger at him. THE DEVASTATION! We get into some basic stuff with both guys trading wristlocks until Maestro slugs him into the corner. A whip sends Prince across the ring and Maestro follows him up with even more punches. Prince chops and backdrops for two but eats a knee lift and gets caught in an STF (the Encore) for the submission. Short, bad and the Maestro vs. Prince Iaukea. I think that sums the whole thing up.

Quick recap of the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals with Torrie being kidnapped on Monday.

Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko vs. Silver King/El Dandy

Shane says Asya is keeping Torrie wherever the Revolution wants her. Malenko threatens to break Benoit’s legs on Monday in their tournament match. The Revolution throws their victims to the floor but Silver King comes back in for something like a running DDT to Saturn. Dandy comes in for a double drop toehold and a double kick to the chest to keep Saturn in trouble.

Back to King but Dean offers a distraction and Saturn kicks Silver in the face. It’s off to Dean for a basement dropkick and a lot of spitting, setting up Saturn’s top rope knee. The Revolution takes King outside for some choking before a suplex/high cross body combo gets two. King gets in a few shots for the tag to Dandy for a missile dropkick to Dean. A plancha takes Saturn down as well (barely touching him but the dive looked good) but Dean nails Dandy with a chair, setting up the Cloverleaf for the win.

Rating: D+. Another squash here and a bit better performance from the luchadors than I was expecting. That being said, we’re two days into the Revolution vs. Animals feud and I’m already sick of both teams. Neither is likeable in the slightest and the Revolution has gone completely against their original idea. This was acceptable but at least it didn’t involve the Animals.

Chavo searches for Goldberg.

Long recap of Nitro. This felt like filler.

Harlem Heat is ready for Curly Bill tonight but Chavo interrupts to talk about looking for Goldberg.

The Revolution gets in a car.

Curly Bill says there are no problems in the Rednecks and he needs to go back and tend to the moose on his ranch. Gene doesn’t think ranches have moose and Curly goes off on him about being the real cowboy here. Ok that wasn’t bad.

Stevie Ray vs. Curly Bill

Oh…..joy. Stevie jumps him at the bell and stomps away in the corner as Booker is on commentary, talking about facing Jeff Jarrett in the tournament. Stevie misses a middle rope elbow but no sells Curly’s shoulders and kicks him in the face. They head outside with Curly going face first onto the announcers’ table (Booker: “ARE YOU OK?”, followed by a right hand to the face). Back in and Stevie gets two off a side slam but the referee gets bumped. Dear goodness enough with that nonsense. Curly hits him with the boot but Booker comes in for a hard Harlem side kick, setting up the Slap Jack for the pin.

Rating: D-. This ref bump stuff has to stop. There’s one on almost every show now and they’re not even in the main events. This was a three and a half minute squash but the squasher needed a ref bump to win. That doesn’t make sense and misses the entire point of basic wrestling booking.

Konnan/Kidman/Eddie Guerrero vs. Steven Regal/Chris Adams/Dave Taylor

Before the match, all of the Animals talk about wanting to do various things to the Revolution, including playing them like marks. Rey jumps in on the announcers’ table to talk about the Revolution. Taylor goes right after Eddie to start and avoids an early dropkick before taking Eddie down with European uppercuts and a basement dropkick of his own.

Off to Adams, who gets caught by a rolling clothesline from a crotch grabbing (his own at least) Konnan. As Rey tries to get money out of Zbyzsko, Konnan jumps over Adams in the corner but eats a European uppercut from Regal. Off to Kidman who sends Regal into the ropes, nearly knocking Adams off by mistake. Kidman throws Regal down but charges into a hot shot to change control again.

The Brits start stomping away until Kidman blocks a powerbomb. Konnan, ever adherent to the rules, comes in to nail Adams without tagging. Kidman charges into Regal’s elbow in the corner and it’s off to Adams, who goes up and tries…..something resembling a Superman Punch but crashes down. The hot tag brings in Guerrero to clean house as everything breaks down. Eddie hits a quick suplex on Taylor and a big frog splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: C. Not the worst match in the world, Filthy Animals annoyance aside. They’re just unlikeable people who ramble on with lingo that ranges from sounding stupid to making no sense while seemingly want to rape every member of the Revolution. Somehow, one of the most likeable wrestlers of all time in Rey Mysterio is associated with this group and WCW seems to think the fans will find them to be the good guys.

Oh and the Filthy Animals steal the losers’ robes for good measure.

Chavo is on the phone, saying he’s going to get himself over since Goldberg isn’t here to do it for him. Wrestlers using this lingo today would appeal to an extremely niche audience. In 1999, this might as well be Martian.

Berlyn speaks English to say that his master plan is in effect and we will all serve him one day. His plan is to lose to Brad Armstrong?

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Lash Leroux

Lash says he’s going to win the tournament and be the younger World Champion ever. I think Giant still has his beat even if he wins. Chavo comes out and reminds us that he’s looking for Goldberg for no apparent reason. Lash goes right after him to start and does his splits but misses a clothesline, allowing Chavo to hook a headscissors.

A belly to back gets two for Chavo and he slugs away in the corner. Lash jawbreaks out of a chinlock and gets two of his own off a suplex. That goes nowhere so Chavo takes him into the corner for a stomping but gets forearmed in the head, setting up a chinlock. We get a very sudden BORING chant which almost feels piped in.

I would ask why a company would do that, but this is one of the least stupid things WCW has done in recent weeks. More really basic stuff changes control a few times until Chavo gets a positive reaction and a near fall off a dropkick. Guerrero scores with a clothesline and some chops in the corner, only to get caught in Whiplash for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. So Chavo wants to find Goldberg, gets cheered by the fans and then loses to Lash Leroux. Somehow they’ve managed to fit that much plot into about 75 minutes after Chavo having almost nothing to do for weeks. If they could find a happy middle ground, I’d be curious to see where some of these ideas went. As it is, I barely remember them by the end of the show because of how fast they come and go.

Kidman records Buff Bagwell and Scotty Riggs talking about the finish of a match. I think I know where this is going and I can feel the headache coming.

Ernest Miller, flanked by three women, gets out of a white limo. So he’s the Godfather now? I’ve heard worse ideas.

Berlyn vs. Jerry Flynn

Just cut the cord already. During the entrances, we hear that WCW is filming a movie in Los Angeles. My goodness it’s Ready to Rumble time isn’t it? Berlyn goes right at him and hits a kind of floatover DDT before cranking on a wristlock. Shouldn’t that be the other way around? They trade kicks before Berlyn sends him into the ropes for a kick to the face, a nipup and another dropkick for the best looking sequence he’s done in years.

More kicks to Jerry set up a belly to back but Flynn avoids a charge against the ropes. Jerry fires off his usual array of strikes but throws in some right hands to show his versatility. The Bodyguard intercepts Jimmy Hart (who is the face here anyway?) and nails Flynn for missing a charge, giving Berlyn an easy victory.

Rating: D. He’s evil, German and apparently athletic when he wants to be. This character is dead in the water though and they need to find something else for him to do. That’s one area where Russo truly was excellent: finding a new character for someone. The words “creative has nothing for you” do not exist on his watch. The gimmick might be insane and ridiculous, but he would have something.

Chavo is still looking for Goldberg but finds Sid instead. “YOU WANT TV TIME?” A chokeslam leaves Chavo on a cart, end scene.

Here’s Ernest Miller with the three good looking women. After telling the rednecks to sit down, he informs us that he’ll be in the tournament on Monday against doctor’s orders. THIS warranted coming to the ring and talking?

Benoit thinks Sid is running his mouth too much. I’d say it’s more that he’s wrestling too much but that’s just me. Benoit isn’t done with Malenko either.

Scotty Riggs vs. Buff Bagwell

Some things never change. We recap Buff’s kayfabe murdering story about not wanting to job ever again because he doesn’t care for the Powers That Be. This would be the REAL part in the middle of all the fake stuff you’re seeing. I have no idea if Bagwell is a face or a heel here and I think that’s the point. Riggs doesn’t have the mirror anymore. They trade full nelsons to start until Buff breaks out and just stands in the corner.

Tenay promises us eight more tournament matches on Monday. Be still my beating heart. Riggs gets taken down in a headlock but walks into a dropkick to send him into the ropes for more staring. Some leg work keeps Bagwell down and a high cross body gets two. Riggs looks stunned because, I kid you not, that was supposed to be the finish. The referee yells at Bagwell but he small packages Riggs for the pin with the referee slowly counting it. Bagwell’s music doesn’t play and THAT WAS A SHOOT. BECAUSE FANS KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Rating: F. “Come see Buff Bagwell! He’s bored and not trying because he doesn’t agree to our scripted finishes! By paying us your money, you’ll get to see him stand around and not care and barely put any effort into his matches!” Vince Russo was paid to think of this idea and then asked you to pay money to watch it play out on pay per view. Russo somehow convinced people he was a genius by doing this. Maybe he’s smarter than we all are and we just can’t keep up with him.

Mayhem ad.

Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious

Please….be gentle? Sid shoves him around to start and fires off some kicks to the ribs (Daniel Bryan has nothing to worry about) followed by a right hand to the jaw. Benoit comes back with strikes of his own and a middle rope dropkick for two but the kickout sends him flying out to the floor. Back in and Benoit flashes back to Fall Brawl by going after the leg. Why he thinks Sid will sell now is anyone’s guess.

A few cannonballs down onto the leg look to set up the Figure Four but Sid kicks him right back to the floor. This time the big man follows him out and drops Benoit across the barricade before taking him back in for choking, choking, forearms to the chest and more choking.

Benoit’s comeback is stopped cold by a big boot and we hit the camel clutch so Sid can rest after his hard day in the ring. A few slams get two each on Benoit but he pops up and grabs a German suplex. The Swan Dive misses but Sid is too spent to follow up, allowing Benoit to slap on the Crossface. You know Sid isn’t tapping though so here are Saturn and Malenko for the DQ.

Rating: D+. So to clarity, Benoit is now the guy that puts up a good fight against the bigger names but is never allowed to be on their level. Thanks for wasting our time with the Bret tribute match and the US Title reigns, because it’s pretty clear that none of it means anything just a few weeks later.

Sid powerbombs everyone to make it clear that no one is on his level. The Filthy Animals run out to beat up the pieces of the Revolution to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Nitro was more entertaining than this. Thunder continues to be almost nothing beyond average and makes us sit through a ref bump in a Curly Bill vs. Stevie Ray match. The wrestling is bad, the stories range from nonsensical to previews for a Nitro way too complicated to keep track of. Yet somehow, I’d take this over the recent episodes. At least this is so insane that it’s fascinating to watch in a way while the recent ones were a way to cure my sleepless nights.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Halloween Havoc 1999
Date: October 24, 1999
Location: MGM Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 8,464
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

The Russo Era is officially upon us as we got a big time preview this past Monday. However, this show is the real thing with Russo getting to direct where things go from here. Expect to see a lot more pointless talking, a lot more insanity and a lot more shouting about what I did to deserve this. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Sid vs. Goldberg and mentions the whole “Goldberg can’t touch him” bit, which has basically been ignored. Hogan vs. Sting gets even less hype.

A LOUD Weasel chant is ignored by Heenan as Tony announces that due to Rey Mysterio being injured, the Filthy Animals have been stripped of the Tag Team Titles. The solution? A triple threat hardcore title match for the belts with Kidman substituting for Mysterio. Well why bother having a match when you can just make it hardcore? They run down the rest of the card in case you bought the show blind.

The big demon holding the pumpkin set is back. That thing is so cool looking and deserves to be on a better show.

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lash Leroux

Lash is challenging so Disco starts fast with a clothesline and stomps in the corner. A DDT plants Leroux again and it’s time for choking. Lash comes back with a dropkick and slam for two. Totally basic stuff so far. Some Cajun dancing sets up a clothesline for two more as Heenan suggests holding ropes of trunks.

They head outside with Disco sending him into the steps, only to get caught in a nice belly to belly back inside. It’s a bad sign when fans are already going for popcorn in the opening match. Or did people even show up for those seats in the first place? Lash puts on a chinlock in a rare move for a good guy, which might explain why it doesn’t go anywhere.

The Last Dance (or is it still the Chartbuster?) is countered into a backbreaker but Disco escapes Whiplash (which Tony didn’t seem to recognize) as well. The swinging neckbreaker gets two for Disco and Heenan again wants trunks pulled. Lash lifts him up for something like a sitout ProtoBomb (Tony: “THAT’S HIS MOVE!” No Tony, it isn’t.”) for his closest near fall yet but the Last Dance retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was acceptable but this was a horrible choice for an opener. An opening match is supposed to get the fans into the rest of the show. Instead this was just a basic match with almost no high flying or exciting moments, making it completely against the idea of a standard cruiserweight match. It didn’t help that Lash pretty much got squashed here and never even had major control. Just an odd choice and nothing interesting.

Post match Lash hits Whiplash (Tony: “THAT’S HIS MOVE!”) on the belt. What a jerk. They might as well turn Disco face as he’s pretty over with the fans.

Malenko and Benoit arrived earlier in the day (because they work here) and run into Saturn. He hasn’t heard from them lately, but Dean and Chris are done with the Revolution. In other words, after months of building up the Revolution and then feeding them to the First Family and Sid, we’re likely in for a feud between the members, making the entire team as close to a waste of time as you can get.

Harlem Heat is ready to survive the Tag Team Title match tonight because that’s what they’ve done their whole lives. Stevie doesn’t want those no talent fruit booties to forget it.

Tag Team Titles: Kidman/Konnan vs. Harlem Heat vs. Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus

The titles are vacant coming in. Penzer: “This match will be fought under street fight rules!” Heenan: “Oh no.” The First Family wears Halloween masks to the ring. Kidman and Konnan on the other hand wear the title belts to the ring despite Kidman never winning one. Kidman has a camera with him as well. The First Family has weapons with them for an early advantage and there are two referees here. You can see the screwiness from a mile away.

Booker throws Brian into the fans and Stevie nails Kidman in the head with a trashcan. All six get back in to make my life easier with Morrus nailing Kidman with a clothesline for two, thanks to Kidman grabbing the ropes. Stop having that rule in hardcore matches. Falls count anywhere should include in the ropes. Booker goes after Jimmy Hart and gets blasted with a trashcan. That doesn’t interest him enough to sell though so Harlem Heat double team Knobbs and throw him through a Styrofoam casket.

Morrus drops Kidman ribs first onto an open chair (ow) as Knobbs and Booker fight into the back. It’s table time in the ring as Knobbs hits Booker with a water jug. For some reason, Tony finds this funny. No Laughing Matter puts Konnan through the table but in the back, Booker hits Knobbs with a mummy for a fast counted pin and the titles before Morrus can pin Konnan.

Rating: D-. So to recap, this is likely setting up Harlem Heat vs. the First Family again, meaning we’re right back to where we were about a week ago. The match was your standard messy WWF hardcore match with gimmicky weapons and no semblance of wrestling in the slightest. In other words, Russo thought it was great and the novelty is going to wear off quick. Or make me want to watch Road Dogg vs. Al Snow who were better at these things.

As Harlem Heat comes back in we hear a three count and a bell, which apparently was Kidman pinning Morrus. How that came about after the No Laughing Matter isn’t clear because we needed to watch Harlem Heat walking from the back. Why is Russo so obsessed with watching people walk through the back? It took up like ten minutes on Nitro and now it screws up the result of a match. I mean…..IT’S WALKING. You still see this stuff to this day on Raw and Impact and I still don’t get it.

Also Konnan might have injured his collarbone. Oh good. He can still walk in the back. Mysterio and Torrie (who really, really agrees with the Filthy Animals look) come out to stare from the entrance.

The Flairs storm into the arena with Ric holding a crowbar.

Here are Diamond Dallas Page and Kimberly for our first talking segment of the show. Kimberly says fourteen times, which isn’t the amount of times Flair won that stupid belt. That’s the number of times Ric spanked her recently, but when she and Page are together, that’s just a warmup. This would be the pointless sexual part of the show.

Page hates Flair and promises that Ric will never forget him. Kimberly invited David Flair to her room in an obvious swerve (Page’s words) and Ric showed up, but can only spank her? Page has Flair’s spank, and guess where he points. Page: “Let’s whack it, and let’s jack it all night long.” Before this takes a VERY weird turn, Page wants to make the match tonight a strap match. This is another of those ideas which really didn’t need to happen and all the innuendo got old in a hurry, like almost every Russo idea actually.

Goldberg is looking for Sid.

Kidman and Torrie tell Eddie that they’ll have his back tonight. Eddie thinks he should call Rey on the way to the hospital. Guerrero is wearing a Rolex, which he probably stole from Ric on Monday.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Perry Saturn

Eddie lets Heenan hold the watch for some reason. They dive around each other to start until Saturn grabs a hot shot for two. Back up and Eddie throws him to the floor and then into the barricade. The lack of extended selling continues as Saturn gets two off a pop up powerbomb. Heenan wants the number of a 24 hour pawn shop while Saturn cranks on an armbar.

Off to a cross armbreaker followed by a chicken wing with a headscissors (cool looking move). That goes nowhere so Eddie dropkicks Saturn for two, only to walk into a t-bone suplex. Saturn switches up the target by going after the knee with a variety of leg locks. Eddie grabs a wristlock on the mat before going with a short arm scissors. The lifting counter slam and a Lionsault get two for Saturn but Eddie brainbusters him back down.

The frog splash misses though and Saturn hits a springboard dropkick. Eddie goes up but gets crotched with a superkick to the knee, allowing Saturn to superplex him down. They head up top again with Eddie reversing Splash Mountain (Razor’s Edge bomb) into a superplex, but here’s Ric Flair with a crowbar to knock Eddie out for the DQ. Why do I have a feeling that’s the closest we’ll get to a regular match with a regular ending all night long?

Rating: C. The match was pretty dull but they were getting going when we got to the stupid ending. I’m so glad we set this stupid angle up on Monday and Flair was so angry that he waited eleven minutes before coming down to break it up. As usual though, this was about the angle instead of the wrestling, which makes the match we got seem like a waste of time.

Kidman and Torrie come out so Flair blasts Kidman with the bar and kisses Torrie. She doesn’t seem to mind that much. I have zero issue looking at Torrie more tonight. Ric comes back to remember the story and gets his watch back.

We cut away from the replay to see Goldberg punching Sid. Security breaks them up and Sid is a bloody mess. Heenan: “He looks like he took 50 tomatoes to the face.” Potatoes more than likely.

Here’s Buff Bagwell for another talking segment. He has a problem with the two new writers from up north who are here to save WCW. Oh geez here we go. He also has a problem with Jeff Jarrett because Buff isn’t on the show tonight. The line doesn’t make any more sense in context. Bagwell tells Heenan to get Jeff out here but Jeff is here because Buff even turns to talk to Bobby.

The fight is on with Buff a face again and fired up after being uninterested on Monday. That’s another story we’re not going to reference again isn’t it? Jeff starts to get the better of it so Luger comes out for the save, only to hit Buff with the guitar by mistake. I guess this is due to Liz being knocked out with a guitar next to her. I still think she did it to herself.

Sid is getting stitched up and throws the cameras out.

An injured Eddie calls Rey and tells him to get back to the arena. Isn’t Rey injured?

Brad Armstrong vs. Berlyn

Naturally Brad wears an American flag shirt to the ring. They lock up to start with Berlyn cartwheeling out of a wristlock. Berlyn suplexes Brad down as Tony reads off a sweepstakes result. A pop up powerbomb gets two on Armstrong followed by some stomps. The dull match continues with Berlyn hitting him in the corner as Tony talks about ANYTHING but this match. Brad grabs the rope to counter the neckbreaker and quickly covers Berlyn for the pin. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: F. This was on pay per view, meaning it’s a failure by definition. Somehow this was the best they could have done as they kept it short but this really could have been done on TV for the same result. Dull match and the Berlyn push thankfully is done. He never got a fair shake though, after the Duggan match last month and then this mess.

The bodyguard and Berlyn lay out Armstrong post match.

Flair says he has his watch back and is ready to fight the Animals anytime. He brings up the spanking again, which is becoming a thinner and thinner veil for what they really want to say but can’t on TV. Torrie got some of Flair tonight so Kimberly is up next.

TV Title: Chris Benoit vs. Rick Steiner

Benoit is defending after beating Steiner for the title the night after Fall Brawl. Steiner immediately heads to the floor, just after Tony says that wouldn’t happen in this match. I can always get a chuckle out of Tony being wrong. We play keep away for a bit until Rick nails him coming back in. A huge Steiner Line nails Benoit and Rick hits his backdrop powerslam for two. Tony calls this power wrestling, which I guess is the new definition for “we won’t fire this guy so sit through this awful stuff.”

Rick goes up but Benoit grabs a superplex, which Steiner isn’t even polite enough to sell for more than about four seconds. The threat of the Crossface sends them back to the floor with Steiner sending him into the barricade to take over again. Rick screws up the timing coming out of the corner (I’m shocked too), meaning he has to intentionally walk into a dropkick for two. It looked horrible but that really shouldn’t surprise anyone at this point.

A low blow puts Benoit down because Rick doesn’t know how to wrestle a match to get control. Off to a lame leg lock which doesn’t seem like it would be very painful, but it lets Rick take a break after this grueling six minutes of work. Benoit misses another dropkick so Rick rubs his face into the mat. An attempt at a sunset flip counter to a powerbomb goes badly as well with Rick not even leaning back to be taken over, leaving Benoit to crash to the mat instead.

Benoit gets one off a small package but stays on the mat instead of getting up so Rick can’t botch anything else. Instead Rick just hits him in the back of the head and puts him in the reverse Tree of Woe. Rick hits some release German suplexes for two with Benoit just crashing harder and harder each time. The fans aren’t pleased until Benoit counters a suplex into a DDT to get a breather.

Benoit chops away in the corner and rolls some Germans. Tony: “THIS IS A CLASSIC!” The referee eats an elbow to the face so Steiner brings in a chair. Benoit hits a suplex and does a Van Daminator with a right hand instead of a kick. He loads up the Swan Dive but Steiner throws the chair at him on the way down. Cue Malenko to SHOCKINGLY turn on Benoit by nailing him with the chair, giving Steiner the pin and the title because SCREW WCW AND THEIR LOVE FOR RICK FREAKING STEINER.

Rating: D. There’s only so much Benoit can do when he’s in a mess like this. Rick beat Benoit up for twelve minutes and Benoit was barely ever on offense. What is Benoit supposed to do in something like this? On top of that, let’s mess up the Revolution and get rid of their most popular and successful member for the sake of a SWERVE. Maybe this gets Benoit on to something bigger, but my goodness, couldn’t he drop the TV Title to…..oh I don’t know…..SATURN OR MALENKO?

Saturn and Malenko hug in the aisle. Saturn: “Hi Shane.” Heenan: “DOUGLAS COULD BE BEHIND THIS!” Because Shane Douglas gets to come in and be some mastermind I guess.

Bret still has an injured ankle and shouldn’t be wrestling tonight. Luger may have cost him the World Title last week, but this week he’s going to be excellently executed. This was the first logical and well done segment of the night and it lasted all of 45 seconds.

Total Package vs. Bret Hart

Bret goes right after him to start and takes Luger outside to send him into the announcers’ table. Tony: “This is a very hard table!” Back in and Bret rakes the eyes across the ropes and chokes in the corner as this has been completely one sided so far. They head outside again with Bret ramming him into various objects, only to go after Elizabeth. Eh I can’t blame him with her in that dress.

Luger’s cheap shot fails and Bret sends him into the barricade and back inside. Luger finally goes to the eyes to take over but Bret hits him in the back to regain control. We hit the Five Moves of Doom but Luger breaks the Sharpshooter with another thumb to the eye. They fall out to the floor and Bret is holding his ankle again. Back in and Luger wraps the leg around the ropes before putting on a half crab for the submission. Seriously.

Rating: D. Luger’s entire offense for this match: two pokes to the eye, a right hand, a kick to the leg, bending the leg around the rope and the half crab. This is one of those matches where all of the premises don’t add up to the conclusion. Bret having a bad leg coming in and selling it throughout is fine, but my goodness. LEX LUGER just made Bret tap to something other than the Torture Rack on pay per view. Just…..think before you do things WCW. Please?

Goldberg promises to separate Sid’s head from his body.

Here’s Madusa in a swimsuit to shill Nitro cologne. She gets on the announcers’ table and pours it over Heenan, swears about the Powers That Be, and leaves. Apparently it smells horrible. Tony: “I love my job.” This has been a moment.

We recap Sting vs. Hogan. Sting turned heel to win the title last month at Fall Brawl because WCW is stupid, and tonight is the rematch.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sting

Hulk doesn’t come out at first, Sting comes out, Hogan eventually comes out in street clothes (I don’t want to know what street) and lays down for the pin in three seconds. That would be Hogan’s last match until February. Any guesses as to how much of an explanation we get on this idiocy?

We’re on a Goldberg vs. Sid video before Hogan is even out of the ring and the first part is covered by Sting music. They mention the Goldberg can’t touch him bit and don’t bother explaining. At one point the video cuts back to the crowd because WCW is run by a bunch of stupid monkeys. The fans are booing this out of the building and can you blame them?

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Goldberg

Sid is still a bit bloody from earlier in the night. Hall and Nash jump Goldberg during the entrance, further making me wonder why he has six state troopers flanking him. Is it in case one of the boys takes a shot at him in the back? Sid jumps Goldberg in the aisle and the brawl (this won’t be a match) is on. Goldberg shrugs it off and drops Sid over the barricade.

The referee stops things so Sid can blade again but Sid comes up swinging. It really seems like they’re trying to make Sid out to be a face here. A big boot drops Goldberg and we hit a camel clutch. Goldberg does an impressive power up into an electric chair drop for two and cranks on the neck. The blood is just flowing out of Sid’s head. They slug it out even more with Sid getting weaker from the blood loss. Tony: “This is the darnedest thing I’ve ever seen.” Is it Tony? Is it the darnedest? Goldberg hammers him even more in the corner and Sid falls to his knees to make the referee stop it.

Rating: D+. The blood looked great but if they’re trying to do the Austin turn at Wrestlemania XIII (note that Goldberg didn’t turn here and wrestled like he always does), they’re really missing the point. I’m not going to care about Sid after all those months of destroying cruiserweights and not selling for Benoit because he had a great cut in a seven minute match and didn’t even get pinned. Try again WCW, because this isn’t going to work.

Rick Steiner helps Sid to the back. Do you want him to be a face or not? To be fair it wasn’t really clear, but Sid wanting to walk out on his own and wanting to fight Goldberg again looked like a face move to me.

Heenan tries to say Sid’s streak is intact to keep up the stupid story.

We look at Ric and Kimberly in the hotel on Monday. This comes off as an excuse to see Kimberly in lingerie. That’s not a complaint by the way.

Here’s Sting to say he came here for a fight, so if anyone wants a shot at the belt later tonight, come get him.

Ric Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Strap match with the two of them tied together and wins coming by pin or submission. Just bring the Filthy Animals out now to get this over with. Page hides on the floor to start before they trade shots in the corner. They head outside with Page being pulled into the post before going up the aisle and into the crowd. Page nails him in the back with the strap but Flair chops him back.

To ringside again with Flair kissing Kimberly. He’s had a good night so far. Page hammers away and busts Flair open, though it’s not as good as Sid’s cut. They slug it out for a good while before Page takes him to the announcers’ table for a whipping. Back in and Flair hits him low to take over again, followed by more chops and a second low blow. They’re really not trying anything special here.

The knee drop misses Page’s head as is the custom and it’s time to go for the leg. Flair wraps the strap around Page’s throat and puts on the Figure Four, only to have Page make the ropes. Now it’s Page hitting him low a few times to take over, setting up the Diamond Cutter for….the finish but not a pin. It’s a weird ending as Robinson counts twice, Flair moves his foot a bit, and Robinson stops before three but calls for the bell anyway. I think Flair was supposed to get his foot on the ropes but didn’t make it.

Rating: D+. This might have been the second best match of the night, but some of that might have been due to how much time it got. The strap really didn’t add much and this could have been any given regular match but I guess they wanted to tie it into the spanking idea. I’ll give you a minute to think about Page and Flair spanking each other.

Page nails the referee and chokes Flair with the strap, only to have Kimberly stop David’s interference. She hits David low and hands Page the crowbar to nail Ric in the ribs and between the legs. David is thrown in as well for a Diamond Cutter as medics come in to help the Flairs. The Filthy Animals jump out of the ambulance to jump Ric. I really don’t see why Mysterio was injured but this gives me another excuse to look at Torrie so whatever.

Sting vs. ???

We have less than nine minutes to go in the show counting entrances. Answering the challenge: Goldberg, because screw Starrcade and drawing money and all that. No US Title with him of course. Tony says this is non-title despite Sting issuing a challenge for a title shot. Sting heads outside before the bell but actually has a point: there’s no referee. Cue Charles Robinson with no injuries from the previous match for the opening bell with less than six minutes to go in the show.

Goldberg kicks away in the corner and hits an awkward clothesline. They head outside with Goldberg in full control and sending Sting into the barricade for about the millionth time tonight. Goldberg clotheslines the post, allowing Sting to hit the top rope splash for two. Sting spears Goldberg down but Goldberg pops to his feet and kicks him in the face. The real spear hits the buckle, setting up three straight Stinger Splashes. That goes nowhere and it’s spear and Jackhammer for the pin in just over three minutes.

Rating: C. This was actually entertaining while it lasted but my goodness they just wasted their guaranteed Starrcade main event for a three minute match. But hey, at least it was surprising! No one knew it was coming and there was no way to make extra money off the match but at least it shocking.

Goldberg is handed the belt and announced as the new champion. Tony thinks there might have been some confusion but I’ll chalk it up to Tony being stupid. Goldberg leaves so Sting yells at the referee about it not being a title match. Robinson gets a Death Drop to end the show. So let me get this straight: Sid might be a face and Sting is a heel. What kind of bizarre world have I stumbled into?

Overall Rating: D-. Yet somehow, I didn’t hate this. I don’t know if it was just the show being far less dull than their recent disasters (namely Fall Brawl) or it actually being WAY tighter than Monday’s nightmare, but I didn’t hate this show. Now that being said, this show is still a disaster, wasting all kinds of potential money and throwing stuff at the screen with the hopes that something sticks, but it could have been worse.

Keeping these acts short was the best thing they could have done, as it keeps the fans from getting too insulted by what they’re sitting through. It’s a horrible show for sure, but there’s something about it that I kind of liked. Granted that might have just been Kimberly and Torrie looking great on multiple occasions but the show was such a switch over the messes I’ve been sitting through that it was hard to hate.

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Monday Nitro #210
Date: October 18, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,413
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Halloween Havoc but more importantly, Russo and Ferrara are officially in charge tonight. That’s going to lead to some very rapid changes around here and that’s not a good sign before the pay per view. In theory it would make sense to do Halloween Havoc and then let them take over, but this is WCW after all. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sid arriving in a limo and wearing a suit, flanked by attorneys. Oh yeah Russo is in charge.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

Evan gets dropped by a quick shoulder but scores with a dropkick and clothesline to send Guerrera to the floor. Back in and Evan shrugs off some chops but charges into a boot in the corner. They’re not exactly cranking things up here. A headscissors and cross body get two on Evan….and here’s Bret to get in the ring and just start talking. The match just stops because….well why not?

Bret says that he wasn’t allowed to have an interview tonight and he left the WWF for two reasons. He’s here to fight Hogan and win the World Title but WCW won’t let him do either of those things. This brings out Sting to say Bret needs to join the real world. Juvy is just walking around the ring as this goes on. They talk about being screwed (censored) and Bret is offered a title shot tonight. Is there a reason why Sting’s paint is already chipped off at the top despite not having any physicality so far?

The announcers talk about Russo and Ferrara being hired as writers. Tonight: an evening gown match. So this is why we’ve had a “division?” As in the three girls that have matches once a month?

Sid is advised not to speak. Score one for Russo and Ferrara!

Goldberg arrives. Why is wrestling so lenient about performers being late?

Back to Sid, who now talks about Goldberg breaking the stipulation of not touching him before the match. Nothing here other than acknowledging what happened last week.

Vampiro vs. Disco Inferno

Non-title with Lash Leroux on commentary. Lash appearing offers a distraction and Vampiro kicks him in the back of the head to take over. Another kick to the chest drops Disco and it’s off to a shot of the commentators. Back in and Vampiro gets one off a suplex but the Chartbuster connects for our second fast ending of the night.

Lash comes in and gives Disco Whiplash. That’s a very heelish move.

Goldberg promises to Jackhammer Sid.

Dustin Rhodes video with him talking like Yoda.

Madusa refuses to perform in an evening gown match because it’s beneath her.

Nitro Girls search stuff and FINALLY Stacy Keibler shows up. However, Buff Bagwell cuts them off and says the internet has been talking about how he’s taking WCW to the top. See, he heard that Russo and Ferrara were high on him during an internet interview. This is the kind of breaking the fourth wall stuff that I can’t stand and Russo loves for whatever reason, ignoring the fact that it’s almost never drawn a dime. But hey, I’m sure he’ll have a 300 page book explaining why this was SO hard on him.

Mona has never had an evening gown match but she’s wrestled several matches wearing an evening gown.

Kimberly is looking for David Flair. I think we’re in the soap opera portion of the show.

Goldberg and Sid reiterate the same things they said earlier.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Harlem Heat is defending and Booker is now in trunks. Stevie elbows Rey in the face and throws him way into the air on a backdrop. Rey comes back with the not yet named 619 but gets clotheslined out to the floor for his efforts. Cue Kidman and Eddie arm in arm with Torrie Wilson as it’s off to Konnan vs. Booker. Konnan scores with a quick DDT and Mysterio adds a Lionsault. This is already the longest match of the night at about two and a half minutes.

Stevie fights out of the Tequila Sunrise and Booker plants Konnan with a Rock Bottom. Eddie and Kidman join commentary and brag about how hot Torrie is. Well you can’t argue that. We see the First Family watching in the back as Stevie bearhugs Konnan. Off to Booker for a kick to the face and a double suplex for two, followed by an even harder kick from Stevie. Well you can’t say they’re not thinking along the same lines.

Rey breaks up a cover off a powerslam and is promptly sent outside. Everything breaks down and the commentators offer a distraction to Booker, allowing Rey to hit the springboard seated senton on Stevie. Konnan adds a trip and holds Ray’s legs for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. So we sat through weeks of the First Family vs. Harlem Heat to give the Filthy Animals the titles in an unannounced match that will probably be one of the longest matches of the night? SWEET! It may make have been several wasted weeks, but I’ll take Konnan and Mysterio as champions any day, as Harlem Heat has just outlived most of their usefulness. They’re still watchable and could be far worse, but at least Konnan and Rey are some fresh blood.

Kimberly sticks her chest out at David Flair and gives him her motel key because Page is out of town and she’s lonely.

The Filthy Animals celebrate the win but the First Family comes up and demands their title shot on Sunday.

Hugh Morrus vs. Meng

Time for a guy getting a title shot on Sunday (in theory) to get squashed. Morrus hammers away but stupidly tries a headbutt. Meng rakes the eyes and no sells a spinwheel kick of all things before chopping Morrus around like he’s nothing. A boxing match goes badly for Morrus and here are the Outsiders through the crowd. Morrus scores with a slam and hits a pair of top rope elbows but stops to talk to Jimmy Hart, allowing Meng to no sell again and Death Grip Morrus for the win. So long logic. It was nice knowing you. Well at least it was years ago when WCW was actually logical but this is a step down even for them.

Here are Sid and the lawyers, complete with a piece of paper. It’s the contract for Halloween Havoc but Sid rips it to pieces after the spear last week. Cue Goldberg to clean house and spear an attorney, only to get kicked in the head and powerbombed. The lawyer is up in about ten seconds as Sid says he’ll see Goldberg at Halloween Havoc. Sid and company leave so the Outsiders laugh at Goldberg, earning them punches to the face. Just get them back in the ring already. The Outsiders are ejected.

Bret Hart promises to give Hogan a title shot if he wins tonight. Sting comes in and jumps Bret but security breaks it up.

Hall and Nash can’t get back in the building.

Goldberg is looking for Sid.

Berlyn vs. Rick Steiner

So…..Rick is a face here? Berlyn stomps away in the corner to start, already with more offense than almost anyone else ever. A big Steiner Line takes Berlyn down and Rick barks like a good dog. Berlyn gets sent outside but Brad Armstrong comes in for a distraction. The bodyguard swings a chair and hits Rick (not clear who he was aiming for), giving Berlyn the fluke pin.

Rick beats up Armstrong post match and takes him into the back.

The Outsiders sneak in, high on cough syrup. Seriously.

Kimberly is at the hotel and strips down to her lingerie, only to find Ric instead of David. More hijinks later I’m sure.

Goldberg runs into the Insane Clown Posse (dang it!) and beats them up for not knowing where Sid is. Good Goldberg.

Luger is worried about facing Goldberg.

Madusa starts packing while Mona gets ready for their match.

David Flair vs. Kidman

Torrie is with Kidman and kisses him before the match. David charges right at Kidman and is promptly beaten into the ground. A HORRIBLE looking shoulder drops Kidman (imagine the way people would bounce off Vader but with David running instead of someone running at him) and a suplex gets two. Kidman nails a dropkick and a middle rope legdrop. David fights up but Torrie opens her rope to reveal some rather fetching lingerie of her own, allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb and Shooting Star for the pin.

The Filthy Animals hit the ring and beat David up. They’re good guys you know.

The Outsiders offer Gene cough syrup. If there’s a point to this I’m not seeing it.

Ric is back (about fifteen minutes at most after we saw him) and looking for the Filthy Animals.

Madusa vs. Mona

Evening gown match which Tony credits to the new creative team. This is a New York evening gown match, whatever that means. Tony tries to call this a Nitro moment, whatever that means. For some reason I seem to be saying that far too often tonight. Mona goes right for her to start and snaps off a suplex followed by a high cross body.

Madusa hooks a suplex of her own and hammers away in the corner. A kick to the head takes out the referee because a freaking evening gown match needs a ref bump. Madusa blasts Mona in the back with a chair but goes after the announcers for no apparent reason, only to have Mona rip her dress off. We’ll say that’s a win, even though Mona walks to the back before we have a decision.

Madusa yells about “everyone behind here” and tells them what they can do. It’s censored but I think you can put the idea together yourself.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Sting is defending, six days before he defends against Hogan. For some reason Bret comes from the side of the entrance instead of right down the middle. During Sting’s entrance, we see a sign saying “Owen we miss you.” My goodness it makes me sad to think about that Bret vs. Benoit match after this mess tonight. Bret hammers away to start and pounds the champ down in the corner before they’re quickly on the floor. You expected a match to last long in the ring?

All Bret as he takes Sting back inside and kicks him in the “lower abdomen”. Sting avoids a charge in the corner and hits a Warrior splash for two. Back to the floor for more brawling with Sting choking with a cord. That’s one of the first heel things he’s done since he turned over a month ago. Back in and another splash hits Bret’s knees before a DDT gets two on the champ. A swinging neckbreaker and suplex get two each for Bret but Sting comes back with the Stinger Splash for no cover.

Bret gets crotched against the post a few times (as usual the referee is fine with this) and we hit the chinlock. A knee to the ribs stops his comeback and the big elbow actually hits. I’m not sure how to respond to that as I’m in total shock. Has that EVER hit? The chinlockery continues before Sting misses a dropkick. Heenan thinks both guys could go for their leg locks but Bret opts for a piledriver and two instead.

Now the hold goes on but Sting gets over to the ropes. Back up and Sting is limping, so Bret hammers on the lower back. What exactly does the Sharpshooter hurt anyway? Sting gets in a shot to the face to get a breather but the knee gives out on a suplex attempt. The champ throws on a sleeper but Bret suplexes his way out.

It’s Sting up first but his top rope splash hits knees. Cue Elizabeth as Bret starts in on the five moves of doom. Now we have Luger with the bat but Bret nails him coming in. The distraction (plus Liz on the apron) has Bret in trouble and Luger nails him in the knee with the bat, setting up the Scorpion to retain the title.

Rating: B. See, this is called a wrestling match. You had two guys wrestling each other (mostly) for about twelve minutes before the screwy shenanigans began. Screwy shenanigan are fine, but let us have some wrestling to get us there. Bret vs. Sting could have been a major PPV headlining match, but instead let’s just throw it away here with an hour and a half build. Such is life in 1999.

Ric yells at David for some reason but David says Kidman beat him up. Papa Flair doesn’t buy it.

The Outsiders have stolen the Villanos’ masks. Sure why not.

La Parka vs. Buff Bagwell

This is actually fallout from Thunder where these two teamed together for no apparent reason. Literally, La Parka just ran out and helped Bagwell and they teamed up in the main event that night. Buff walked out on the match though and La Parka got beaten up instead. La Parka now has chains on his outfit. You would think he would get a push already, and somehow he’s more likely to under the new regime. Buff walks out instead of dancing so I guess he’s officially a heel. He casually shoves La Parka away and they trade arm work.

They’re playing up the idea that Buff’s heart isn’t in this. Buff hiptosses him down and stands in the corner. La Parka hammers away in the corner but misses a running dropkick. Bagwell gets all fired up but stops to pose, telling La Parka to kick him in the head. La Parka does what Buff asks and gets the pin. Oh yay. We’re SHOOTING again.

The locker room celebrates Buff’s loss for no apparent reason.

Buff gets on the mic and asks if Russo did a good job for him and wants to know who else is going to beat him. Ah so that’s what they were going with. I thought it might be something a bit more interesting like Buff not needing to try because he was the chosen one. Why do that when we can SHOOT though?

Anyway, Jeff Jarrett runs out and blasts Bagwell with the guitar in his big return after holding up Vince McMahon for money (totally smart move at the time, but bad long term) at last night’s No Mercy PPV. Jeff asks how he could be on a pay per view last night and here now. He has the stroke and it’s right between his legs.

The Outsiders can’t get past security and Nash vomits.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Perry Saturn

This could be interesting and it’s under elimination rules. No one actually gets an entrance though and the interest is already dying down. Shane Douglas is on commentary. The relatives shake hands but Eddie goes after Saturn. Chavo grabs a quick rollup for two but Saturn starts suplexing Guerreros. A Lionsault gets two on Eddie and Chavo’s cross body gets the same on Saturn.

Eddie suplexes his nephew to the floor but turns around for a superkick. As you would expect, the announcers ignore the match to talk about the Revolution and how awesome Shane is. Chavo stays on the floor as Saturn beats up Eddie, only to go after the younger Guerrero for a change. Eddie hits a big dive to take them both out and they fight on the floor to fulfill the Russo requirement.

They head back inside and go up top for a Tower of Doom, but Chavo flips backwards instead of falling flat, landing on his head instead of his back for a SCARY botch. Cue the Animals to yell at Douglas but Saturn dives onto Kidman, only to hit the chair in Kidman’s hands. Chavo throws Saturn back inside for a frog splash from Eddie for the elimination, followed by a quick tornado DDT to give Chavo the win.

Rating: C. This was entertaining enough (terrifying botch aside) but it was more background noise while Shane furthered the feud with the Filthy Animals. Is the Revolution even a thing anymore though? They seem to have split several times now, meaning I’m sure there will be an even bigger swerve on Sunday. Also, make sure to have Chavo, who isn’t even on the show Sunday, get the win over the people in a story. Keep up that CRAZY booking Vince.

Recap of Sid vs. Goldberg tonight.

Horace Hogan vs. Norman Smiley

Hardcore, because that was big in the WWF at the time. Horace jumps him in the aisle and makes Norman scream with the threat of a trashcan shot. They get inside where Norman stops a charge by kicking the can into Horace’s face. More screaming ensues. Horace hammers away a bit more but gets sent into the steps. That goes nowhere as he hot shots Norman onto the barricade and takes him back inside for a superplex. Now Norman is crying. It’s table time but Norman collapses, sending Horace charging through the table instead, giving Norman the pin.

Rating: D. Well that happened, and unfortunately this is going to be what Norman is best remembered for. Yeah he’s a talented wrestler and a solid trainer, but the thing he’s most well known for is screaming and crying. Unfortunately this is going to get even worse for him in coming months, but to be fair it’s funny at times.

Here’s Ric Flair to yell about Eric Lindros and the Filthy Animals. He’s been in this sport for a long time now and knows David can be great if the Animals will just leave him alone. Cue the Animals to beat up Ric, as well as David on a save attempt. The Animals rip Ric’s clothes off and steal his jewelery because they’re heroes.

Elizabeth is out back with a guitar next to her head. I bet she did it.

Total Package vs. Goldberg

Goldberg’s trunks say Team Obake on the back, which is apparently an MMA thing. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Goldberg getting the better of it, as you would expect. They head inside with Luger scoring with some ax handles to the back but Goldberg no sells a suplex. A big superkick drops Luger as this is starting to resemble a match. Goldberg throws him over with a half butterfly suplex but misses the spear in the corner. Luger keeps the offense going with a running clothesline as I’m amazed that some of his matches with Flair were only eleven years earlier.

An elbow drop gets two but Goldberg nails a flying shoulder to take over again. More heavy forearms have Luger in trouble but the referee gets bumped because what would a wrestling match be without that? Here are the high Outsiders again to keep up an unfunny angle (security around here sucks) but Sting runs down with the bat to lay out Goldberg. Cue a limping Bret to nail Sting with the bat but he breaks it over the ring post. Bret and Sting get inside with Hart putting on the Sharpshooter as I feel like I’m watching Raw. Everything breaks down and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to end Luger.

Rating: D-. Luger is the definition of a wrestler who has his position because he used to be good at this. At least Hogan was easy to hate. Luger on the other hand is just a guy with big muscles who hits people in the back and occasionally uses a torture rack. The cough syrup thing continues to be a waste of time but that’s the case with a lot of Russo ideas. The match was your usual bad brawling before we got to the angle for another Russo signature.

Tony promises that this is just the beginning to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness we’re in for a long ride. You can see Raw here but minus people like Rock, Austin, HHH, Edge and Christian and the Hardys and with shorter matches and less logic than the Corporate Ministry. I didn’t even mention the shots of people walking in the back, which is a trend that continues to this day. Why do I need to see someone walking through the back? Just say what’s coming next and save some time.

This is still in the transition phase between booking plans, but instead of letting the transition happen naturally, the old stuff was ripped up and put in its new pot. That makes for a very awkward show and you can see the fans dying from exhaustion about an hour into the show. I’ll give them this though: it was NOT boring. It didn’t make sense half the time and felt like a parody of a bad wrestling company than a show trying to compete, but it was not boring.

On top of that, the pay per view was barely mentioned outside of Hogan vs. Sid. I have almost no idea what the card is for Sunday, but I have a feeling that’s universal in WCW. Finally, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE OUTSIDERS BEING HIGH ON COUGH SYRUP??? What a bizarre show, but it’s going to get much, much worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Wrestlemania VIII
Date: April 5, 1992
Location: Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 62,167
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

We’re into another huge stadium here and the interesting thing is that Hogan, while in the final match, isn’t in the title scene at all. We’ve got a double main event here of Hogan vs. Sid in Hogan’s “retirement” match and the still pretty new Flair defending the world title against Randy Savage in a match built not only around the title but also Liz, which we’ll get into later. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how it’s a double main event. They’re not really going for the epic feeling here it seems.

Reba McIntyre sings the national anthem.

Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels

Tito is El Matador now and Shawn is freshly heel. Bobby says Reba is Tito’s sister: Arriba McIntyre. Say it out loud and you’ll get the joke. After taking forever to get Sherri to the floor, Tito gets a fast two off a cross body. They head to the mat for a headlock on Shawn which doesn’t last long. Michaels avoids a punch to the face but gets clotheslined out to the floor instead.

Back to the chinlock which doesn’t go anywhere this time either, so Shawn takes over in the corner. That also goes nowhere so Santana punches him in the face and takes it right back to the mat. Shawn finally comes back and pounds away even more, this time sending Tito out to the floor. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn and we hit the chinlock again, this time by the future world champion. Santana fights up but walks into the superkick for no cover.

The Backdrop Suplex (Shawn’s old finisher) is countered and there’s the flying forearm to send Shawn to the floor. Back in and a slingshot forearm puts Shawn down again as does a big atomic drop. Tito’s forearm to the back of the head sends Shawn to the outside again, only to have Sherri trip Tito up on a suplex attempt to give Michaels the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok but it was a lot of kicking and chinlocks for an opening match. Tito was good for giving you a guaranteed decent performance out there, so putting him against Shawn was a good move for the most part. The match wasn’t great or anything but it did a decent job at what it was supposed to do.

Gene is on the old school interview platform and calls out the Legion of Doom. With them however is their former manager Paul Ellering complete with the rolled up Wall Street Journal. Ellering talks about bringing the LOD together before talking about how this is the beginning of the end. They want the tag titles back but would never get them again. Hawk says they were a runaway train, but now look who’s driving it. They don’t care who the champions are, because they’re coming for the gold.

Jake Roberts says there’s no truth to the rumor of him bringing a snake to the ring. We get a clip of Jake slamming Taker’s hand in a coffin and laying out a helpless Paul Bearer.

Jake Roberts vs. Undertaker

A right hand to the face has no effect on Taker so Jake pounds away so more. Heenan is already freaking out about how Taker can’t be hurt as is his custom. Jake knocks him to the floor but Undertaker lands on his feet. Roberts is pulled to the floor as well and rammed into the post to give the dead man control. Heenan cracks jokes and says he thinks he has two brilliant minds. Gorilla: “I’m in big trouble.”

As Heenan talks about Bearer earning the Urn, Taker chokes away in the corner and pounds on Jake for a bit. An elbow drop keeps Jake down and there’s the jumping clothesline for good measure. Out of NOWHERE, Jake hits the DDT to put Taker down but he sits up a few seconds later and grabs Jake by the throat. A second DDT puts Taker down again but Jake goes after Bearer instead. There’s the sit up and Undertaker follows Jake outside, hitting a tombstone on the FLOOR to end Jake and make Undertaker 2-0.

Rating: C-. The problem with these early Wrestlemania matches for Undertaker is that they didn’t have a ton of story or drama to them. Jake was in his last match for the company here before he went to WCW for a cup of coffee, so he didn’t seem to be giving it his all out there. The kicking out of the DDTs was impressive as was the Tombstone, but that’s about it.

Piper and Bret are facing each other later tonight and Piper talks about growing up near the Hart Family. Some jokes are cracked and Bret doesn’t take too kindly to it. Things get testy when Bret wants the IC Title back. This is much more of a match of respect than hatred.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. Bret Hart

Piper is defending. There’s a story here actually: Bret was “sick” and lost the title to Mountie, only to have Piper win it about a day and a half later. This is Bret’s rematch. Heenan: “How would you handle Piper if you were Bret?” Gorilla: “I would use my speed advantage. You?” Heenan: “Waffle him with a tire iron.” Bret takes him down to start and Piper spits in his face, basically becoming the heel of the match early on.

They trade arm holds to start but Piper can’t escape Bret’s non-evil clutches. Once he finally frees himself, it’s a dropkick to put Roddy down instead. Bret might have hurt his shoulder in the process, but of course he’s goldbricking, which gives him a two count via a small package. Piper slaps him in the face so Bret cross bodies both guys to the outside. Back in and Piper gets in a cheap shot which apparently busts Bret open. This was a big deal actually as Bret claimed it was a legit cut but in reality he bladed and lied to prevent punishment and still make it look good. Smart guy that Hitman.

Roddy pounds away for awhile and is reverting to his old style far more than he has in years. Bret comes back with a sunset flip for two and the mat is getting bloody in a hurry. Piper punches him down for two but Bret comes back with a forearm to send the champion to the outside. Back in and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Piper’s head lands on Bret’s ribs which should be a count but the referee sits up instead. Roddy goes up but Bret is goldbricking again, allowing him to slam Piper face first into the mat.

A suplex gets two for Hart and it’s time for the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. Piper blocks the Sharpshooter though, so Bret settles for the middle rope elbow. Roddy blocks that too though with a boot to the face and they slug it out again. There goes the referee and Piper clotheslines Bret to the outside. As they come back in, Roddy grabs the ring bell to complete the heel turn. He lifts it up to crush Bret, only to stop himself and put on a sleeper instead. That proves to be his downfall though as Bret climbs up the corner and falls back on Piper for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This might be Piper’s best matches ever but even rarer is seeing him pinned in the WWF. Piper was VERY protective of his character, meaning that he was very rarely pinned. The match was great here and wound up being Piper’s last match in the company for several years. Really good stuff here as Bret is on the verge of shooting up the card to the world title in the fall.

Piper puts the title on Hart after thinking about clocking him with the belt.

We hear from WBF Bodybuilding Pro Lex Luger. He wouldn’t have a major appearance again until January of 1993. Again, who thought bodybuilding on PPV was a good idea? That would be Mr. XFL, Vince McMahon.

The Mountie, the Nasty Boys and the Repo Man laugh evily.

Duggan, Slaughter, Virgil and Boss Man respond with nothing of note to say.

Jim Duggan/Sgt. Slaughter/Virgil/Big Boss Man vs. Nasty Boys/Moutnie/Repo Man

Just a collection of lower midcard guys getting a Wrestlemania payday here. Neither team gets an entrance. Instead, Ray Combs of Family Feud is guest ring announcer for this and cracks a few jokes about the heels pre-match. The good guys clean house to start and hit a quadruple clothesline to clear the ring. Heenan announces that Shawn Michaels has left the building. Gorilla sums up our responses: “WHO CARES???”

Anyway Duggan and Sags start things off and it’s Jim hitting a few clotheslines to take over. Off to Slaughter who gets poked in the eye, allowing for the tag to Knobs. Slaughter pounds away to take over before it’s off to Boss Man for a boot to the face. Brian avoids a charge into the corner and Boss Man’s splash misses Repo Man as well, giving the heels control for a bit. Repo crotches himself and Boss Man slugs him down for good measure.

Off to Virgil who seems to mess up almost anything where he jumps into the air. Duggan tries to come in to save his partner but it’s back to Sags to beat on Virgil even more. A pumphandle slam gets two on Virgil and it’s back to Mountie. Everything breaks down and in the melee the Nastys are rammed together, allowing Virgil to steal the pin.

Rating: D. As I said, this was nothing more than a way to throw a bunch of guys onto the show at the same time. This was a much better idea than having four matches eat up a few minutes each as it accomplishes the same goal here. They were out there as filler before the world title match and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Flair and Perfect smile over having a large centerfold of Miss Elizabeth. I can’t imagine how teasing this angle was for thirteen year old boys. They say Savage is losing tonight and that Liz is leaving with Flair.

Savage won’t give any interviews.

To recap the world title match, Flair claims that he had a relationship with Liz before she was married to Savage, so tonight Savage is out for revenge and the title. Flair had some doctored photos and that’s about it, so it was more about humiliation than anything else. It’s a great angle and would still work perfectly to this day if done right.

WWF World Title: Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

There’s no Liz in sight to start and Savage comes to the ring last. Oh and Mr. Perfect is in Flair’s corner which will come into play later. Flair tries to walk up the aisle so Savage decks him from behind. Perfect makes a save by throwing Randy down as things are looking chaotic already. They get into the ring and Savage starts fast with some shots into the corner and punches down onto Flair’s head.

Heenan is at his most biased ever and his voice is almost cracking already. A clothesline puts Flair down and a back elbow gets two. Flair comes back with a big backdrop to put Savage out on the floor as the champion takes over. Flair rams Savage’s back into the apron and takes over with a few suplexes including a belly to back for two. Heenan wants to see the pictures and I can’t say I blame him.

A big chop puts Savage down for two and we head to the floor. Savage has his back rammed into the apron again and Flair suplexes him back into the ring for two more. Randy comes back with a single right hand and the place ERUPTS. A swinging neckbreaker puts Flair down but he pokes Savage in the eye to take him down. The champ goes up top, only to jump into a clothesline from Savage. Savage whips him into the corner and we get a Flair Flip to the apron where Ric runs up top, only to jump into another clothesline for two.

Savage hits his third clothesline in a roll to send Flair out to the floor. A top rope ax handle sends Flair into the barricade followed by a shot into the post. Flair is busted open and there’s the Flair Flop on the floor. A suplex puts Flair down on the floor again as Heenan is begging for the match to be stopped. Back in and Savage pounds away before hitting a top rope ax handle for two.

The top rope elbow hits but Perfect breaks up the pin. Thankfully the referee doesn’t call for the bell as Perfect throws something to Ric. The referee is bumped but it’s not that bad. A shot to the face with the object puts Randy down but it only gets two. The fans are losing their minds on these kickouts. Flair pounds away and is pulled away by the referee, allowing Perfect to blast him in the knee with a chair.

This brings out Liz who marches through some suits (one of which being worn by Shane McMahon) as Flair works over the leg. The knee crusher sets up the Figure Four (complete with interference from Perfect). Heenan: “SHOW ME THE PICTURES!” Randy turns the hold over but Flair breaks it quickly. Savage’s leg is done but he grabs a two count off a small package. Flair says this is for Liz as he stomps on the knee even more. He grabs Savage’s leg but Savage gets in a quick right hand and rolls Flair up (with a handful of trunks) for the pin and the title.

Rating: A. If you ever want a match based on the good guy overcoming insurmountable odds, this is pretty high up on the list. Savage came back from EVERYTHING and while Liz was there, she wasn’t a major factor at all. The match is a masterpiece with both guys looking great. Savage was in a career resurgence, despite being world champion only three years earlier. Anyway, great match here and it still holds up very well today.

Post match Flair tries to kiss Liz, triggering another brawl. Perfect helps take Savage down and lets Flair pound away for a bit. Referees finally break it up and Savage is announced as the new champion to a big roar.

Flair, Perfect and Heenan go on a huge rant against Savage with Flair saying that Savage is going to be lying about being champion and lying about having the love of Liz. They tell Savage to do it again and claim that Savage was a cheater which won’t work again.

Savage gives a rebuttal, saying that he’s going to go after Flair no matter where or when it is. He hands Liz the title and says that it’s hers. As for Flair, Savage is for him and it’s going to continue. I love these two promos and they still work very well.

We recap the Wrestlemania VII press conference where Hogan was announced as the #1 contender. Sid wasn’t happy but joined Hogan in a tag match on SNME. However he turned on Hogan and left him alone against Undertaker and Flair. Sid then destroyed Beefcake’s Barber Shop set and wound up with a bunch of shampoo on his face in an unintentionally hilarious scene. We also get a montage of Sid beating up jobbers and Virgil.

Rick Martel makes a stupid joke about Tatanka scalping tickets.

Rick Martel vs. Tatanka

There are Indians at ringside chanting for Tatanka. This is about two months after Tatanka debuted on TV so you should be able to figure out what’s going to happen pretty quickly here. Tatanka start off hot as Heenan explaining that Flair did nothing wrong. Gorilla shouts that Heenan is a liar, so Heenan challenges him to a fight. Martel makes a quick comeback and sends Tatanka out to the floor. Back in and Bobby makes Indian jokes as Martel stomps away a bit more. Rick goes up and gets crotched, allowing Tatanka to pound away even more. Out of nowhere a cross body pins Martel.

Rating: D+. The match was ok but it was nothing more than a way to give the fans a breather. Like I said, no one knew Tatanka at this point due to how little time he had been on TV. Martel was in total jobber to the stars territory by this point and would be gone pretty soon. Nothing to remember here at all.

Money Inc. isn’t worried about the Natural Disasters because they’ve stolen the Disasters’ manager in the form of Jimmy Hart.

The Disasters say they’re ready and are after the titles and Jimmy Hart.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Money Inc. is defending and is comprised of Ted DiBiase and I.R.S. DiBiase and Earthquake start things off with the heels (Money Inc.) getting beaten down and the rich man being knocked to the floor. Off to Typhoon vs. I.R.S. For osme arm work by the big guy. Typhoon misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to DiBiase….who is immediately beaten down as well. Typhoon misses a splash against the ropes and falls over the top and out to the floor.

I.R.S. cranks on a front facelock for a bit as Ted hits an ax handle off the middle rope for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this match is DRAGGING. Everything breaks down and the challengers take over. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and there’s the big splash from Typhoon. Jimmy Hart pulls Irwin out to break up the Earthquake splash and the champions walk out to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what the point of this was. The match wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t good, and the match didn’t accomplish anything. I’m guessing this was supposed to be filler between the other matches, but we already had one of those and that’s what we’re about to get next. Nothing to see here at all.

Brutus Beefcake supports Hogan.

Owen Hart vs. Skinner

Skinner catches him with the tobacco juice to the face to start and hits a shoulder breaker for no cover. Skinner’s reverse DDT gets two but Owen gets tired of selling and rolls him up for the pin. This was about a minute long.

Gene is with Sid and the tall man calls him a fat bald headed oaf. Sid guarantees this is Hogan’s last match, which triggers an interview with Hogan where he says he isn’t sure if he’s retiring or not. Sid doesn’t care.

Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice

With the music still playing, Sid jumps Hogan but Hulk pounds back and knocks Sid to the apron. The music is still playing and Hogan hits a forearm to the chest and a clothesline to put Sid on the floor. AWESOME opening sequence here and it still works really well. Back in and they stare each other down but Hogan knocks Sid right back out to the floor. Back in again and Sid wants a test of strength.

Sid puts Hogan down but Hulk makes the big comeback to the delight of the crowd. Justice gets knocked into the corner but Sid’s manager Harvey Wippleman (totally unneeded here) distracts Hulk, allowing a chokeslam to put him down. Hulk gets knocked to the floor and hit with Wippleman’s bag, setting up a nerve hold by Sid.

Hogan fights up, only to get put right back down in a side slam. The powerbomb gets two and it’s Hulk Up time. Sid eats a few buckles and it’s big boot, slam, legdrop….TWO? This is assumed to be a screwjob by Sid but in reality, the scheduled run-in by someone we’ll name in a second was late so Sid had to kick out. Anyway there’s the DQ by Wippleman to end things.

Rating: D. Well that sucked. It’s about twelve minutes long and went nowhere at all due to the majority of the match being spent in a nerve hold. Well maybe not the majority but far longer than it should have been. Anyway, this was nothing of note and saving Sid was stupid due to him being gone in a few weeks due to failing a drug test. Nothing to see here, until after the match.

Post match, Papa Shango of all people (the guy who missed his cue) runs out and beats down Hogan along with Sid until the Ultimate Warrior makes a legitimately shocking return for the save. A lot of posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. You have two classics, a huge shocking return, and some other decent stuff in there. What else do you want from a Wrestlemania, especially in 1992. Good stuff here as the Hogan era is definitely coming to a close. He would somehow get another world title the next year and the main event here sucked, but things were moving beyond him and it was clear that things would survive. Good stuff here.

Ratings Comparison

Shawn Michaels vs. Tito Santana

Original: B-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Jake Roberts

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper

Original: A

Redo: B+

Big Boss Man/Virgil/Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Repo Man/Nasty Boys/Mountie

Original: F

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair

Original: A+

Redo: A

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

Original: D

Redo: D+

Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc.

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Owen Hart vs. Skinner

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

It’s the same overall despite some of the main stuff being different. That’s interesting.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/15/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-8-hogan-who-needs-the-bald-man/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6