Monday Night Raw
Date: January 1, 1996
Location: Bob Carpenter Center, Newark, Delaware
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

So for some reason, the WWF felt the need to do a football themed show called the Raw Bowl. There isn’t much to it other than an elimination tag match with time outs and everyone in football jerseys. Other than that it’s a normal episode of Raw with a lot of extra jokes and puns from Lawler. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has Vince making a lot of football jokes and hypes this up as some big annual event even though it never happened again. Apparently Coach Blassie is getting the wrestlers ready in the back.

Smoking Gunns vs. Savio Vega/Razor Ramon vs. Sid/1-2-3 Kid vs. Owen Hart/Yokozuna

This is the Raw Bowl which isn’t even for the Gunns’ tag titles. Vince and Jerry’s commentary is already irritating with Razor being called a perennial Raw Bowler and Savio being referred to as a walk-on. Goldust’s usher tries to give Razor some gold roses and gets punched in the face. Sid and the Kid are part of DiBiase’s Million Dollar Team which Vince says is under investigation by the NAACP for recruiting violations. Lawler: “OFFSIDES MCMAHON!” This is under elimination rules and each team has a time out they can use at any time.

The mat is green with football lines painted on and Earl Hebner is dressed like an NFL referee, complete with flags. Owen and Bart get us going but it’s quickly off to Billy to face his partner. They make the required contact before tagging in Owen and Yoko to fire up the crowd. Owen is forced to get in with threat of a penalty flag and bounces off Yoko with a shoulder block. Off to Vega to face the fat man but he’s quickly taken down with a Samoan drop.

Yoko tags out to Vega as Lawler mentions a lot of penalties. A spinwheel kick gets two on the Kid and it’s back to Owen who gets two of his own with an enziguri. King hits on some chick who has been named Raw Bowl Queen. Back to the ring with Bart vs. Razor before it’s quickly back to Savio. Vega quickly tags off to Sid as the crowd goes silent. Bart is taken down by some shoulders but he comes back with a very nice delayed vertical suplex on the big man.

Savio replaces Bart and is immediately pounded down by Sid, who quickly tags Owen back in. Owen scores with a quick enziguri and tags in the Kid for a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Yoko comes back in as we cut back to Brother Love in the locker room talking about something I can’t make out. Yoko doesn’t stay in long at all before it’s back to Kid who misses a legdrop on Savio, allowing for the tag to Razor.

The fallaway slam puts the Kid down but he calls a quick timeout to prevent a Razor’s Edge. Razor hits it anyway but DiBiase gets up on the apron for a penalty. Either way, Sid clotheslines Razor from behind to give the Kid the easy pin. Down to three teams now and we take a break. Back with Yoko and Owen taking turns pounding on Bart.

Hart misses a top rope splash and Bart is able to tag Billy for some cleaning of the house. The offense is quickly cut off by a kick from the Kid to knock Billy down. Owen drags Billy over for a Banzai Drop but Bart pulls his brother away, leaving Owen to take the fat man drop. Yokozuna doesn’t realize what he did until too late and Owen’s unconscious body is pinned to get us down to two.

Sid comes right in and stomps on Billy, then he stomps on Billy, then he stomps on Billy against the ropes. Kid comes in with a dropkick in the corner to set up a clothesline from Sid for two. Bart gets on the middle rope to play cheerleader but Sid kicks Billy in the face to silence the crowd immediately. Billy walks into a chokeslam (Jerry: “Intentional grounding!”) but Sid picks him up instead of covering. Bart gets kicked off the apron to distract the referee as Razor runs out to shove Kid into Sid, giving Billy a fluke pin.

Rating: C-. This was really just a bunch of annoying and unfunny jokes over an elimination tag match. I don’t know why the titles weren’t on the line here because otherwise it’s more goofy than important. The timeouts didn’t really change anything and the gimmick didn’t matter at all. Not a bad match but the tag division was so worthless around this time that it wasn’t going to reach anything more than moderately interesting.

We get a halftime report with Doc Hendrix which is a glorified parody of football halftime shows and includes a plug for the Rumble, no interview from Diesel, and a clip of Jeff Jarrett attacking Ahmed Johnson.

I’ll give them credit for this: they have a marching band playing them back from the halftime show. Nice touch.

Now, since they don’t have enough ideas to fill in 43 minutes, here’s the hogpen match with Henry Godwinn vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley from In Your House 5, held only a few weeks ago.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Henry Godwinn

 

This is a hogpen match, meaning there’s an actual hog pen with pigs and mud near the entrance and the winner is the first man to send his opponent into said pin. Why is this match happening you ask? Simply put it’s because Godwinn is a hog farmer so he associates with hogs. One note characters like him had a lot to do with the downfall of the WWF at this point, as there’s no interest to such characters, meaning there’s no reason to stick around and watch them. The guest referee is 1980s crowd favorite Hillbilly Jim.

 

Godwinn slops the ring announcer before the match starts for no apparent reason. Helmsley jumps Godwinn but is quickly sent to the floor for his efforts. Back in and Henry ties him in the ropes so he can rub more slop in Helmsley’s face. After nearly retching, Helmsley takes it back to the floor, only to be bulldogged face first into the steps.

 

They head up the pen with Henry being whipped into the gate but still managing to block a Pedigree attempt with a backdrop. Helmsley lands on the edge of the pen and kicks Henry down before dropping an elbow to the chest. Lawler makes Jeff Foxworthy style jokes about being from Arkansas as they head back inside where Godwinn hits a big wheelbarrow slam. Helmsley is whipped to two corners and out to the floor for another handful of slop. Henry hits the Slop Drop up by the pen but can’t follow up. Instead he charges at Helmsley and gets backdropped into the slop to end things.

 

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t that bad as it was a regular match until the ending. Again though, why am I supposed to care? It’s the lowest level of comedy and storytelling possible, which doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, but we have no reason to care about either of these guys so why should I be interested in the match?

 

Post match Henry slams Helmsley into the pen for fun. That’s a nice idea as at least the fans get the (limited) payoff.

Next week: the main event from In Your House 5! My goodness.

King Mabel vs. Diesel

Bell, big boot, Mabel is pinned in less than ten seconds. WHY DID THIS NOT MAIN EVENT SUMMERSLAM 95???

Jerry is about to get an interview with Diesel when the Queen gets up and walks off with Diesel instead.

It’s time for the Lombardi Trophy presentation. The STEVE LOMBARDI TROPHY presentation that is, which at least gets a smile out of me. Brooklyn Brawler presents it to the Gunns and gets beaten up for his efforts. A cooler of iced tea is dumped on him as well.

We run down the entrants in the Rumble and VADER is officially entered. We get his debut video here.

We go to Billionaire Ted’s Wrasslin War Room for one of those HILARIOUS WCW parodies. Ted asks for new ideas and the top suggestion is they incorporate moves from wrestlers such as Razor Ramon and Diesel. Oh that makes me laugh a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t so much bad as it was unnecessary. The football jokes and references really just make me want to change the channel and watch the Rose Bowl instead of an uninteresting four team tag match. Other than that there’s really nothing here and it was a good sign of things to come for the company in 1996.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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King of the Ring 1995
Date: June 25, 1995
Location: Philadelphia Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 16,590
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Doc Hendrix

Dang it it’s this show. This is considered to be one of the all time worst shows as absolutely nothing ever happened at it. I mean the show exists and some of the matches are ok, but nothing of note happens here. It’s the epitome of the dark ages for the WWF up to this point as just nothing at all is going on that means anything at all. Diesel is world champion here and your main event is him teaming up with Bam Bam Bigelow to face Tatanka and Sid.

Yeah see what I mean about nothing happens here? Also, this is the show that is referenced on Rise and Fall of ECW as the show where the ECW faithful show up and boo it to death as it’s so terrible. The tournament is half screwed already by injuries here and one of the spots isn’t determined until the preshow, 30 minutes before the PPV begins. My copy has that match on it, so let’s get this over with.

However, designing some souvenirs can make the game more interesting. After each fierce game, you can give Custom Challenge Coins to the winner or to the fans who watched the game. This challenge coin is not only engraved with the name and date of the game but also may have the player’s autograph or even some special patterns or slogans to commemorate the unforgettable contest.

 

These custom challenge coins are not just ordinary medals, they are also witnesses of the memory of the game and the glory of the players. For fans, these challenge coins are of great commemorative significance. They witness the process of the players they support step by step to victory, and also record every bit of their indissoluble bond with this sport.

The intro says that while this is the place where democracy was born for America, monarchy will reign tonight. Eh I can live with that one I guess.

KOTR First Round: Savio Vega vs. IRS

It was supposed to be Razor Ramon, but he was legitimately hurt in a ladder match with Jarrett at a house show a few weeks prior to this, and because Vince is such a genius he didn’t give Razor a replacement in the two weeks he had before this show. Savio is young and annoying here while IRS is a glorified jobber, so guess who wins this? Razor is with Savio for moral support I guess.

I would have thought he was there to be Savio’s drug runner but whatever. IRS gets no intro or anything and within 20 seconds we have a boring chant. Vince says that it will be nearly impossible for one of these two to win four matches in one night, despite Randy Savage having done the impossible apparently in 88, but why remember anything over a week ago? Hat Guy is in the front row. The referee is wearing a long sleeved shirt and it just doesn’t look right. A spin kick from out of nowhere ends this after like four minutes.

Rating: C-. It was crap, but this was literally a free match so it’s hard to complain about it. It felt like a TV match and that’s about all it was.

That makes your brackets as follows:

Mabel
Undertaker

Kama
Shawn Michaels

Bob Holly
Roadie

Yokozuna
Savio

That’s better than last year but not by much at all. Let’s get this over with.

We get a more formal intro to the show where nothing of note is said. If Hendrix isn’t on all kinds of crack, my name is Sharona.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Yokozuna vs. Savio Vega

Yoko here is about as fat as a small country. He and Owen are tag champions here. Naturally Vince sees nothing wrong with booking more or less a cruiserweight against a guy that outweighs some large rocks less than 15 minutes after the hardest crowd in the world to please just saw him wrestle last. And people wonder why this company went so far down so fast.

Yoko beat Luger to get in here as Luger was about to leave for WCW and the debuting Nitro in just about 2 months while Savio just beat IRS. I really don’t want to review this show. Since we haven’t seen enough Savio already, we go back to Todd with Razor and Vega. Savio has an American flag and speaks mostly Spanish. There’s no way I can comment on that without getting an infraction.

We have a 15 minute time limit here. I’ve always wanted there to be like a 4 minute time limit or a 12 minute and 5 second time limit. That would just be interesting to hear in my mind for some reason. This reminds me of the freak shows of the early days of the UFC. Yoko was more or less worthless at this point as his weight just got completely out of control. Well I’m already bored out of my mind.

Savio, who can’t do much of anything to begin with, is in there against a guy that’s too big to do anything and no one cares about him anymore anyway. Hendrix calls Savio’s four minute match with IRS grueling. That sums up the announcing perfectly. Vince thanks the people listening in Spanish, which is again completely pointless as THEY AREN’T LISTENING TO THE ENGLISH COMMENTARY! Vega is apparently a Caribbean legend.

All Yoko can really do is punch and chop and choke. Razor has done absolutely nothing in this match either in case you were wondering. Owen comes out in a suit to attack Razor’s ribs so Yoko comes out to defend him, leading to Savio ramming him into the post for the count out. In other words, Savio has done what Lex Luger managed to do in the main event of Summerslam 1993. What does that tell you?

Rating: D. Yes, this is what they wanted to set the tone of the night with. The styles just COMPLETELY clashed here as neither guy could do anything here. Savio getting the win was kind of stupid when you think about it as Yoko’s minimal credibility is completely killed off in the name of a one night push. This was just stupid all around in my eyes and the match was both boring and pointless as well.

Jerry Lawler talks about the Kiss My Foot match later tonight against Bret with some dumb jokes.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Roadie vs. Bob Holly

Oh baby feel the greatness here! Jarrett is with Roadie, and since Jarrett is IC Champion, Savio gets a shot at him tomorrow. Roadie beat Doink to get in and Holly, who is still a racecar driver, beat Mantaur. Yeah this was just a horrible time in wrestling. Nothing of note is happening here. It’s just a bare bones basic match that might as well be on Superstars or something or even a house show.

There’s just nothing going on here and the fans are booing them out of the building. Why in the world should I care about these two fighting? I can’t think of a single reason. It’s a racecar driver against a guy that allegedly takes care of musical equipment for a fake singer. You know I love gimmicks, but this is absurd. This is nothing but house show material here. Why am I supposed to care about this match at all? It’s just flat out not interesting.

The wrestling isn’t bad I guess, but it’s two lower midcard guys fighting to go face a slightly higher up the midcard guy. I think they botch the finish as Roadie is on the mat and Holly jumps into his boot for the pin but Holly pops his shoulder up just afterwards. I think there was an error in there. Either that or they just ended this before everyone fell asleep and they didn’t have enough smelling salts for the entire arena. Thank goodness this is over.

Rating: D+. Again, why in the world should I have cared about this match? It might as well have opened a house show in Dalton, Georgia or some other town that no one has ever heard of. The crowd was bored to say the least as I can’t believe these two matches were picked to open the show. Again, the wrestling was ok I guess, but why in the world should I care about these two?

Todd is with Shawn, who is freshly face at this point. We see a clip of Shawn qualifying for the Rumble, FIVE WEEKS AGO! Seriously, why wait that long for it? There were In Your House shows around this time so it’s not like they didn’t have time for it or anything. Shawn would win the IC Title the next month now that I think of it.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Kama vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn beat King Kong Bundy and Kama beat Duke Droese. Kama was kind of feuding with Taker at the time, as was the entire Million Dollar Team. Shawn’s music is messed up here, opening with the guitar solo instead of the regular opening. That’s very odd indeed. Kama is more commonly known as Papa Shango or Godfather depending on what era you’re from.

The crowd is into Shawn as he was at the point on the card where he was bigger than the midcard but not quite into the main event yet, sort of like Austin after Mania 13. Joe Frazier is here. This is a very standard Shawn match which means it’s the best match of the night. Kama works over Shawn, who of course has a bad back as all faces are required to have at some point in their career, until Shawn starts his comeback.

And then we get the evil of the clock on the screen, which means this is going to end in a draw. After a very fast 15 minutes that likely wasn’t really 15 minutes, Shawn has a sunset flip on Kama but as the hand is coming down for three the buzzer goes off and so does the crowd. Why in the WORLD would you have a draw here to eliminate the guy that is likely the most over in your whole company?

I have a bad feeling I know why, but I want to convince myself that’s not really the reason to keep myself from going on a killing spree. Shawn hits the kick after the match to get the fans to put down their pitchforks, but DANG this was stupid. Seriously, why in the world would you get rid of your most over guy?

Does Vince actually believe that Savio freaking Vega is going to be enough of a reason for people to care about this show? That’s flat out stupid. If Vince believes that, then he deserved to almost get put out of business in a year and a half.

Rating: B. Like I said, this is likely going to be the best match of the entire night. Shawn was on the top of his game around this time and no one other than Bret could stay with him in the ring and this was no exception. Shawn carried this thing as Kama’s basic offense wasn’t able to do a thing at all.

He was kind of an MMA sort of character that just didn’t work, much like all of his other gimmicks. This was pretty good though. It’s not great, but Shawn could really do no wrong in the ring at this point.

We get a recap of Mabel vs. Taker, which is kind of pointless. Mabel beat Adam Bomb and Taker beat Jarrett. Yeah that’s all the recap you get. Taker walks with angels apparently.

We get a recap of Backlund campaigning for President. This was in a word BIZARRE. He’s walking around Philadelphia with random kids holding up signs and asking people if they’re related to George Washington. He wants to put carrots in cheese steaks. The editing keeps jumping to him riding in a carriage. This is somehow weirder than it sounds.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Mabel vs. Undertaker

Mabel is interviewed on his way to the ring and cuts the most generic uninteresting promo of all time. He looks like a frekaing idiot too in case you were wondering. I think Hendrix is trying to be like Jerry Lawler and of course it’s just completely failing. Taker has no urn here thanks to Kama so he’s weak or something. Remember all of those really not great Undertaker vs. Big Show matches?

One of those would be great compared to this. Mabel is just a complete and utter joke of a wrestler to put it mildly. He can’t move, he can’t do much of anything as far as offense, he’s tired after about two seconds, and he doesn’t sell anything. Naturally Mabel’s “power (read as elbows, splashes and chinlocks)” offense wears down Taker as Vince and Doc try so hard to convince us that Mabel is a monster.

This just needs to end with Taker beating him and taking the crown. BREAKING NEWS: MABEL CAN PICK UP UNDERTAKER! For some reason this is a big deal and I have no idea why at all. Why in the world would that be a surprise? Mo is more annoying than Santino ever dreamed of being.

Oh great the referee went down after they both laid around for a few minutes. That means it’s going to go on even longer. Taker hits a chokeslam that was pretty good considering he was picking up a beached whale. Kama runs out and kicks him in the head and a legdrop sends Mabel to the finals, to meet the winner of Road Dogg and Savio Vega. I hate this show so much.

Rating: D+. This was just putting me to sleep. What was the point of this anyway? Seriously, Mabel and freaking SAVIO VEGA are going farther in this than Undertaker and Shawn Michaels. Does Vince really think that this is a good idea? Shawn vs. Diesel at Summerslam wouldn’t have been good? It just headlined Mania but it can’t be on Summerslam? This just needs to end now and have people come out from nowhere and say it was all a big joke then let us see the real show.

We get a highlight package from the Hall of Fame induction ceremony last night. This was when it was a complete and utter joke and no one cared about it at all. More or less this was when it was done some time during the year and the inductees were announced after they had been inducted and nothing was televised.

It was somehow a bigger joke than it is today. The seven in this class, which is the third ever, are Ernie Ladd, Moolah, Ivan Putski, Pedro Morales, Ernie Roth (Grand Wizard of Wrestling), Antonio Rocca and George Steele. Bill Murray of all people inducts George Steele from atop an elephant. I seriously don’t have any idea how or why they did that. Putski sings a song and I really hope he’s drunk.

KOTR Semi Finals: Road Dogg vs. Savio Vega

Winner gets Mabel in what I’m sure will be a masterpiece. In what is I guess kind of historic we go to Roadie and Jarrett in the back and Jarrett calls him Road Dogg for the first time. Well at least it’s better than Roadie. He’s really quite good on the mic. Vince making fun of Jarrett never gets old. This is apparently already a great story. I give up.

Oh and Savio has SV cut into the back of his hair. I really don’t like him in case you can’t tell. Jarrett’s pants are cow print. Why? Hendrix is making this show worse. He’s just an idiot on commentary. He’s fine if he’s just being Michael Hayes but this Jerry Lawler impersonation is complete and utter crap. OH Savio is supposed to be Rocky. Yeah that’s just freaking stupid and something else that no one got until Vince told us.

He tends to have to do that a lot with his great ideas. Hendrix accuses Vega of stealing his hubcaps. Apparently Razor would be allowed in if this was a one on one match but he couldn’t handle a tournament. Why say something like that and imply he’s just not tough enough? Just say that he’s injured and be done with it at that. The fans are booing this out of the building while Vince is desperately trying to make Vega look good. It’s failing insanely.

This is just another match where neither guy is ready to be out there and it’s failing completely. To finally end this mess that Razor still isn’t involved in, Jarrett gets on the apron and Savio rams Roadie into him and rolls him up to set up the classic Savio vs. Mabel match we’re all looking forward to.

Vince more or less orgasms over this. To further the stupidity, a Spanish announcer interviews Savio in Spanish, and he responds in Spanish. I hate this show. I understood it, but I’d guess I’m one of the few that did.

Rating: D+. Again, what in the world was the thought process here? Savio was a rookie here and all of a sudden he’s up against Mabel. Mabel is the veteran in the finals. That’s a scary thought in itself. Why in the heck did someone think this was going to be a good idea? In short, it’s really stupid.

The crown looks like a Burger King crown. I wish I was making this up.

We recap Bret vs. Lawler which has gone on for two years now, on and off. More or less, Bret won King of the Ring and Lawler said he was the only real king and beat him up. Lawler then brought in a bunch of royal people to fight Bret and Bret kept winning and beating up Lawler. Jerry kept insulting Bret’s family etc. Bret says this ends tonight and he’s happy for that. This was a good feud if nothing else.

Jerry Lawler vs. Bret Hart

Remember, the loser kisses the winner’s feet. Lawler has no music at first but some kicks in later. The interviewer in the aisle is repulsed by the smell of his feet. This is stupid but it’s something other than Savio and Mabel so it’s an improvement. The idea here is that Lawler knows he has no chance but Bret hates him so much that he’s going to beat on Lawler so much that he’ll get disqualified.

That would be like an MMA fighter having the strategy of he’ll stand there and get punched in the face so much that the other guy has to quit due to exhaustion. Only in wrestling could this be considered a good idea. Finally, 9 minutes after we started this segment, the match begins. Amazingly enough, this is a standard match between these two.

Bret starts hot, Lawler takes over, Bret fights back, Lawler takes over and used his famous foreign object, Bret fights back, Shinja and Hakushi run in and mess up, allowing Hart to take over and hit his finishing sequence for the win. The pop for the Sharpshooter was great. I know that’s REALLY short for a nearly 10 minute match, but there’s just nothing to talk about here.

Bret and Lawler almost always had good matches, but this just wasn’t interesting at all. There was no reason to care here other than it ended a two year long feud that was good but never really great. Again, what was the point of this?

Rating: C+. Again like it’s been all night: the wrestling is ok but I have no reason to care here at all. That’s not a good sign ever. I might as well be watching guys I’ve never seen before. I have no desire to see these guys fight again and while it’s the last match of their feud, that’s just not good ever. The whole show has been like that.

We get an ad for the Special Olympics. I guess they’re the charity of the month or something.

KOTR Finals: Mabel vs. Savio Vega

Smell those buyrates baby. The problem s instantly become apparent here: first of all, these two both suck and there was no logic at all behind pushing them as the focal points of the show. Second, the fans hate them. Neither guy gets anything resembling a good reaction either from a heel perspective or a face perspective. Third, how in the world is Savio supposed to win here other than a fluke rollup or something like that?

This match again follows as basic of a formula as you could possibly imagine: Savio starts hot and Mabel knocks him down and goes into his basic moveset: punch, stomp, punch, bearhug, chinlock. Seriously, I just covered the first 8 minutes of a ten minute match. Savio of course gets some token jobber, because that’s what he is here in case you didn’t realize it, offense in including that pesky fluke rollup attempt.

Here’s the real point of this match as far as we’re concerned though. Just after the chinlock that nearly goes for a minute, the crowd turns on the match and start LOUDLY chanting ECW. It’s so loud that Vince actually acknowledges it. This wasn’t planned or anything, but it was so loud that Vince stopped his commentary, I think out of shock. He really and truly believed what he was putting out there was getting over, and sadly enough I would bet he blamed the wrestlers for the failure here.

Savio’s spin kick gets two, and it’s over soon thereafter. I know this was really short again, but honestly there’s just nothing at all to talk about for any ot these matches, period. It’s just so basic and phoned in that it’s sucking the life out of me. Razor gets beaten up and 1-2-3 Kid runs out and gets beaten up too. There was a tag match at the next In Your House that no one cared about either. Yes, Mabel joins Owen and Bret and eventually Stone Cold as KOTR winners.

Rating: D. Dang it just end this nonsense already! No one likes this stuff, no one cared about Mabel. No one gave care about Savio. YOU HAD FREAKING SHAWN MICHAELS IN THIS THING and you picked MABEL. Seriously, here’s your tournament: Shawn beats Kama and Mabel while Yoko beats Savio and gets the bye so he only wrestles twice. Shawn kicks him in the face and wins the tournament so the fans are happy.

Instead though, Vince has to decide what we like and tell us that Mabel is our new top heel, and shockingly, IT BOMBED. Mabel was complete and utter crap as a big heel and there’s no shock at all as to why. We had to watch Diesel vs. Mabel to main event the worst Summerslam of all time because Vince is fascinated with big men. At the same time we had Hogan vs. Giant in a monster truck match. Do you see why the NWO was considered a gift from God? Dang I hated this tournament.

The coronation might save this nonsense though. It literally goes on for five minutes with bad music playing and Mo reading a proclamation. The only good part here are the fans, who are booing so loudly and chanting ECW so loudly that you can barely hear Mo. Savio comes up and gets pulled back, and the fans pelt both guys with garbage. No one bought this, plain and simple.

Jerry is sick. You and me both brother.

Oh and look! It’s time for the main event! Yes, in something completely forgotten, we have a tag match to go here.

Sid says he can beat Diesel and his injured elbow. Tatanka doesn’t like Bigelow. This was really bad just like everything else with Sid talking about Diesel holding his mother and Bigelow for support.

Diesel and Bigelow say they’ll win. END THIS NOW!!!

Diesel/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sid and Tatanka

For some reason Bigelow had a pyromaniac gimmick going on or something like it. His outfit consists of a full body costume with orange and black flames sticking off of it and forearm things that shoot fire. This is so stupid. This match hasn’t been mentioned or hyped or anything at all tonight. Literally, I forgot about it for a lot of the show. That’s how important this match was for the company.

Sid and Diesel had fought at In Your House with Diesel winning. Bigelow was fired from the Million Dollar Team because he kept losing. Other than that, the Team injured Diesel’s arm so it’s bandaged. This feels like a dark match after a show is over that isn’t advertised or anything. Seriously, it’s added on at the end or something like that. What’s the point here?

It’s your standard main event tag match with the faces dominating early and then the heels work on the injury to set up the hot tag, then beat down face #2, Bigelow in this case, leading to the final hot tag to the champion. That takes 15 minutes, and NO ONE CARES! That’s the issue with the whole show. No one cares about anything here because there is zero effort being put into it. You can tell the wrestlers don’t care because this show means nothing at all.

This might as well have been a big house show or something. After working on the injured elbow, which Vince wants them disqualified for in a stupid string of comments, Diesel hits the powerbomb on Tatanka but wants Sid, who runs away so Diesel can get the pin. There would be a lumberjack match the next month and that’s all there is to it. Yeah seriously that’s how the show ends.

Rating: C-. And that’s out of pity. This was just so generic again that all I can call it is average. It had some ok spots but nothing special at all. Sid and Diesel were crushing the company with their horrible feud that never went anywhere. The company somehow managed to screw things up even worse in a few months with Diesel vs. Mabel.

Vince’s love of big men continued to suck the life out of his company and more importantly the fans with these stupid big men matches. Diesel was talented, but the opponents weren’t. Seriously, you have Bret, Shawn, Owen and Taker to put him against and you picked Mabel. That’s just freaking stupid. Anyway, this was ok, but like every single match tonight, there was no reason to care about it and I’m glad this crap is over.

Overall Rating: F-. Just no. This show was completely and utterly awful. As I read somewhere else, NOTHING HAPPENED HERE. Mabel was a bomb in his new role and was out of it in about 3 months. Bret would move on to fight Isaac Yankem who was just another of Lawler’s cronies. Shawn would go on to win the IC Title at a show where they woke up and did the smart thing with him by giving him something to help him stay over.

I seriously can’t get over the idiocy of the booking here. Shawn and Taker, two of the greatest wrestlers of all time were treated like afterthoughts here. Savio bombed and did nothing of note ever again. Yes, this was his career highlight. This and Summerslam might be the worst shows in company history and the main constants there are Mabel and dumb booking. This was a bomb and one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.

It felt like they were told that they had a PPV in two hours so they threw this together. I don’t know what Vince was thinking and I don’t want to. This was awful and I’m so glad it’s over. Get me something good like Uncensored 96 to watch.

 

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Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,525
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

A good deal has changed since last year as we have Sid as world champion, defending his title against Shawn. Michaels had been champion for most of 96 before getting burned out badly and losing the title at the Survivor Series. On top of that though, WCW is MASSACRING the WWF right now with the NWO completely dominating the wrestling world. I believe this is the second biggest non-Wrestlemania PPV crowd ever for the company. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Shawn of course. Expect to hear that name a lot tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. HHH

HHH is defending and the idea here is pretty simple: HHH hit on Marlena and Goldie is standing up for her. He has Mr. Hughes as a bodyguard here which didn’t last long at all. This was also just after Goldust said he wasn’t gay, which got them out of some hot water with some gay rights groups. You know, because it’s ok to hate someone as long as you don’t hate them for being gay. HHH still has the Ode to Joy song here which is an awesome theme song.

Goldie takes him down in the aisle before the bell rings and the beating is on. We get a bell as HHH is dropped throat first onto the barricade. Goldust pounds away in the corner but HHH comes out with an atomic drop to counter. Helmsley’s offense lasts about eight seconds as Goldust catapults him to the floor. Goldie drops the steps on his back which isn’t a DQ for no apparent reason.

A guillotine slows Goldust down and apparently two fans who have sat in the Alamodome for weeks for the show have been thrown out. Gee, I wonder if Super Shawn can help them out. An uppercut gets two on HHH and Goldust laughs a lot before being knocked to the floor. HHH goes up top (!) and dives down onto Goldust to send him into the barricade. The jumping knee misses Goldust though and HHH hits the steel to change momentum again.

Back in and Goldust works on the knee rather slowly. HHH counters a leg lock with a kick to the face but he’s quickly caught in the Figure Four. Goldust hits a clothesline on the floor and rubs himself a bit. There’s a knee crusher onto the steps as somehow it’s STILL not a DQ. They head back in and Goldust misses a cross body to send him out to the floor. HHH goes for the wooden director’s chair…and let’s go to Todd Petingil for an interview with some country singer.

HHH hits the jumping knee for two but hurts his own leg in the process. Goldust lariats him down but gets crotched on the top for his efforts. After shoving HHH off, Goldust misses a top rope elbow and the title is thrown in. HHH kisses Marlena but gets blasted by the belt for two. A Hughes distraction is enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree to retain.

Rating: C-. This was too long in this spot in front of a crowd this size. It ran over sixteen minutes, which is way too long for two guys that didn’t mean much to most of the fans. This era wasn’t kind to the midcard guys, as they weren’t ready for spots like this but they were the only options the company had. It took a good while to get over that hump, but once it did, they never looked back.

Bret whines about being a marked man tonight. You could feel the heel turn coming and it was going to be glorious.

Mankind, another newcomer, is ready for the Rumble but he wants to hurt people instead of go to Wrestlemania.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

The idea here is a basic revenge match, but Ahmed was out with an injury for so long that the heat is gone. Naturally this would keep going for about seven months because why not? This was during the original Nation period, when actors were hired to make the Nation look larger. That’s a brilliant idea actually. Johnson charges the ring and the beating is on quickly.

Ahmed pounds away in the corner until the referee calls him off. We head to the floor for a few seconds with Faarooq just trying to survive the opening part of the match. Things finally slow down a bit but it’s just so Ahmed can get a belt and whip Faarooq a bit. We head to the floor again and both guys are rammed into the steps. Faarooq slams him onto a chair and Johnson’s kidney injuries flare up again.

Back in and Johnson has his back worked over and Faarooq hooks a camel clutch. Johnson comes back with an electric chair drop but can’t follow up on it. Faarooq goes up but jumps into a powerslam. Johnson returns the favor and jumps into a spinebuster as his back is falling apart very quickly. Faarooq runs his mouth too long though and there’s another spinebuster by Ahmed, but the Nation comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here but the crowd continues to be dead. The idea here was supposed to be revenge but that only takes you so far when the incident that started the whole thing happened months ago. This wasn’t a great power match either, making this kind of a hard one to get into. Ahmed was pretty awesome before his injuries though.

Post match Ahmed chases off the Nation and powerbombs a member through the announce table.

Terry Funk says he’ll win the Rumble because he’s from Texas and born to Rumble.

Faarooq yells at the Nation actors for bailing on him. He says this is just beginning.

Undertaker vs. Vader

This is a feud that went on for a few months because they were a good pairing for each other. Taker avoids a charge to start and pounds away on the big man. Scratch that, make it on the shorter and wider man. Vader comes back with his standing body attack and a second one to take Undertaker down. It doesn’t keep him down of course so Vader hits the floor. Taker jumps off the apron with an ax handle and they brawl slowly. Vader literally has his hands on his hips while Taker uppercuts him.

Vader hits a Stunner on the apron to snap Taker on the rope before heading back in. A Fameasser of all things puts Vader down as does a slam. The followup legdrop gets two (BROTHER!) but Vader crotches him to counter Old School. Vader hits Taker low so let’s go talk to a fan in the audience. Seriously. We hear about her saving up her money and following Shawn Michaels everywhere she goes. Your PPV dollars at work people!

Vader clotheslines Taker down twice, one of which being from the middle rope for two. We hit the nerve hold but Taker fights up with his rapid fire punches. A belly to back suplex puts Vader down but Taker’s elbow misses. The masked man goes up but dives into a powerslam ala Starrcade 92 vs. Sting, but it doesn’t even get a cover here. Vader powerbombs Taker down for two and the Dead Man sits up.

There’s the big jumping clothesline and this time Old School hits, but here comes Paul Bearer. Taker chokeslams Vader down but spots Bearer instead of following up. Paul is thrown into the ring and punched a lot before Taker clotheslines Vader to the floor. Taker tries a kind of Poetry in Motion dive against the railing but Bearer makes the save, pulling Vader away. Bearer blasts Taker with the Urn, allowing Vader to hit the Vader Bomb for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here but again it ran too long. This was about setting up Bearer as Vader’s new manager which didn’t last long unless I’m completely forgetting something. Taker looked ok here, but his power stuff looks a lot better on smaller guys as he can’t throw Vader around all that well. Still though, not horrible.

Taker is all ticked off and beats up the referee as a result. He yells at Vince too but we can’t hear most of what he’s saying.

Austin says he isn’t talking to anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog says he’s going to win the Rumble because he’s bizarre. Ok then.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Take six guys, throw them in the ring for ten minutes to pop the crowd. I just hope I can remember which is which. Metal vs. Garza to start. Ok so Metal is in the yellow and black tights. Got it. They speed things up to stat before quickly hitting the mat. Off to Aguayo vs. Estrada who is in the white tassels. Perro chops Jerry down and backdrops him out to the floor.

Off to Canek vs. Guerrera who are the two masked guys. That makes things a lot easier to keep track of if nothing else. Canek hits a quick cross body out of the corner as the crowd continues to be dead here. Guerrera goes up but misses a Swanton, allowing Canek to hit a top rope cross body for two. Off to Metal vs. Garza again as things are STILL slow. That goes nowhere so here’s Canek vs. Estrada. Canek throws him around for a bit before it’s time for Guerrera to beat up Aguayo.

Aguayo armdrags Guerrera down and sends him to the floor for a bit. It should be noted that Perro is 51 years old so seeing him running and trying to dive is rather odd to see. Canek works on Metal’s leg, followed by a slingshot splash onto it by Garza. Heavy Metal gets an opening but won’t tag, so instead he ducks a bad looking kick from Canek as they stagger around a bit more.

Everything breaks down as even Vince sounds bored. Let me repeat that. VINCE MCMAHON sounds bored by a match. Garza finally does something interesting by hitting his corkscrew plancha on Estrada. The double stomp on Metal gets the pin for Aguayo and the crowd pops for the pin, likely because it’s finally over.

Rating: D. Think about it like this: in this match, four guys were either in their 40s or a year away from it. When you’ve got Juventud Guerrera and Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio in the lucha matches in WCW blowing the roof off the place, it’s REALLY hard to get into something like this. Terribly dull match as they were mainly just looking old out there.

The attendance is announced and no one really cares.

Royal Rumble

There are 90 seconds intervals here which isn’t long enough but at least it’s not terrible like two years earlier. Finkel takes FOREVER to get through the entrances. Crush of the Nation of Domination is #1 and Ahmed Johnson is #2. Crush gets to jump Ahmed as he comes in and the beating is on quickly. Ahmed comes back with a clothesline and they brawl on the mat (read as roll around) for a bit. Fake Razor Ramon (bad parody that went nowhere and is remembered as being awful) is #3 as apparently the clock is messing up. Thankfully Razor is thrown out in about fifteen seconds.

Crush is thrown to the apron but Ahmed sees Faarrooq in the aisle. He eliminates himself and chases after Faarooq in a stupid bit. Phineas Godwinn is #4 as the clock speeds WAY up so we don’t have to look at people standing around. They have a really dull power brawl that goes nowhere and no one cares about at all. Austin is #5 and this HAS TO pick things up a bit. Phineas jumps him as soon as he gets in before Austin and Crush double team him. A clothesline misses Phineas though and Crush is dumped.

Austin dumps Phineas as well and is alone in the ring to face Bart Gunn at #6. Bart gets in some offense but is gone in about thirty seconds. Austin sits on the ropes until Jake Roberts is #7. The music sounds really different in the big stadium setting. Jake pounds away and works on the arm a bit and hits the short clothesline, but Austin backdrops him out to counter the DDT.

British Bulldog is #8 and immediately takes Austin down. This is part of the Border War which is coming very soon and just like Jake, Smith dominates early on. There’s a slightly different version of the powerslam and Austin is in big trouble. Pierroth from AAA (Mexican company which has supplied all of the luchadores tonight) is #9 and goes right after Bulldog. Apparently he’s a big time heel so people don’t cheer. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the hour and a half of boring wrestling right?

The Sultan (Rikishi) is #10 as the ring is finally getting a crowd going in there. Sultan and Pierroth fight on the ropes as Austin is sent to the apron. Pierroth tries to slam Sultan like an idiot as the match continues to be dull. Mil Mascaras, Mexican legend, is #11. He FINALLY gets a reaction as he beats up on Sultan a bit. Sultan belly to bellies him down and we get some of the legendary no selling from Mascaras. HHH is #12 and there goes Sultan via Bulldog.

We’ve got Austin, Bulldog, Pierroth, HHH and Mascaras in the ring now. Austin hits a middle rope elbow on HHH as Owen Hart (tag team champions with Bulldog at this point) is #13. Austin has to fight both of them off and Bulldog goes out due to an accidental shot from Owen. They were having big problems around this point and it would take the Hart Foundation forming to mend the issues. Goldust is #14 and goes right for Austin instead of HHH, the guy he hates.

Mascaras gets Owen to the apron but can’t get him out. Everyone gangs up on Goldust for no apparent reason and Cibernetico is #15. He goes right for Mascaras and beats the tar out of him. HHH stays on the apron as Marc Mero is #16. Cibernetico is out before Mero gets into the ring and Mascaras puts Pierroth out, before diving off the top to the floor to eliminate himself. Goldust clotheslines HHH out and we’ve got Mero, Austin, Owen and Goldust in the ring at the moment.

Latin Lover, another luchador, is #17. Things are still dull here but at least they’re moving a bit faster. Goldust is eliminated by Owen and Faarooq is #18. He almost immediately puts Lover out and gets in a BIG slugout with Austin. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long as Johnson runs in with a 2×4 to knock Faarooq out. Austin dumps Owen and Mero, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, an old rival of Austin, is #19 and doesn’t even make it thirty seconds, although he does hit a good spinwheel kick while he’s in there.

Jesse James (Road Dogg) is #20 and he does quite a bit better than Vega, making it a full 45 seconds before Austin puts him out. Austin is all like GET ME ANOTHER ONE and tells the crowd what they can do to themselves. The clock runs out, and BRET HART walks through that curtain at #21. The look on Austin’s face is absolutely amazing as he is TERRIFIED.

However, there’s something very important that happens next. Austin is scared for a minute, but then gets in the middle of the ring and says BRING IT ON. He’s been out there a long time now and is ready to go still, facing his arch rival who is totally fresh. Austin doesn’t back down, he doesn’t run, he doesn’t cheat. That’s because Austin was a different kind of heel than you see today. Instead of running or finding a way out, he fought with his fists and took a beating like a man. Today it’s all about the cowardly heels and that drives me crazy. Once in awhile is fine but give us somebody with a backbone once in awhile.

They go right at it with Bret getting the better of a tired Austin. He hits a quick atomic drop and a clothesline before stomping away in the corner. There’s the Sharpshooter but we need a #22, so here’s commentator Jerry Lawler. In a hilarious bit, Jerry says “It takes a King….”, then he gets in, gets punched twice by Bret for an elimination, and comes back to commentary and says “to know a King.”

Bret stays on Austin and hits a backbreaker as Fake Diesel (you know him better as Kane) is #23. The good thing here is that Kane actually looks like Diesel from about ten feet away and is nearly identical from behind. Razor looked like a bad Halloween costume. Diesel goes after Hart before slowing down to let Austin do the work. Terry Funk is #24 to give us a very strong lineup in there at the moment. Funk is sent to the apron but Hart makes a save, earning him a punch to the ribs from Terry.

Rocky Maivia is #25 to give us perhaps the best five man lineup ever in the Rumble at any given time. That’s not an exaggeration either. Rocky hooks up with Austin and Diesel but gets kicked in his face for the efforts. The lineup stays strong with Mankind at #26. He immediately throws Funk to the apron as everyone pairs off. Hart gets suplexed by Austin as Rock and Diesel fight in the corner.

There’s a sleeper by Hart to Austin, which makes you wonder why you would EVER put yourself in that position against Austin? A jawbreaker breaks the hold as Flash Funk (2 Cold Scorpio) is #27. Not quite on the level of everyone else but he’s a personal favorite. Terry piledrives Mankind into the ground before Flash dives on Diesel and Terry. Vader is #28 to give us another power guy and he goes right for Bret.

Vader pounds Flash down so Austin goes right after the big man. That would be Vader in case you’re confused. In a funny bit, Lawler keeps implying he’s never been in the match. Henry Godwinn is #29 to drop the talent level a good bit. The ring is filling up now. Rocky gets sent to the apron and Undertaker is #30. The star studded final group: Austin, Bret, Fake Diesel, Terry Funk, Rocky, Mankind, Flash Funk, Vader, Henry Godwinn, Undertaker. That’s REALLY good and I can’t think of any Rumble coming closer to perfect than that.

Taker goes right after Vader but stops to punch Mankind too. There’s a chokeslam for Austin and one for Vader as well. Taker pounds on Diesel in a sign of what is to come later in the year. Vader throws Flash out as Godwinn hammers on Taker. Funk almost puts Hart out but Austin makes the save for no apparent reason. Godwinn pounds on Taker some more, so Taker easily throws him out by the throat.

The final eight: Rock, Austin, Hart, Kane, Undertaker, Terry Funk, Mankind, Vader. How is THAT for a talent pool? Taker throws Austin to the apron before Mankind puts the Claw on Rocky to eliminate him. He was just a rookie at this point so being in there this late was a big accomplishment for him. Mankind and Funk beat on each other because that’s what they love to do. They fight to the apron and Mankind gets Funk out.

Taker sends Mankind out a second later to get us down to five. Vader beats on Taker as Austin does the same to Diesel. Bret throws Austin out to a HUGE pop but the referees were breaking up a fight between Mankind and Funk. Austin slides back in, dumps Vader and Taker, then dumps Bret who just eliminated Diesel, and Austin wins the Rumble!

Rating: B-. This took awhile to get going, but once Bret’s music hit, it’s REALLY good. The problem is that’s 2/3 of the way into the match and the stuff before that is just terrible. It’s a who’s who of jobbers and no names which isn’t interesting at all. This was the night Austin was launched into superstardom and he did it with a bigger catapult than almost anyone else ever. Amazing last twenty five minutes, but the first twenty five or so are absolutely dreadful.

Bret goes nuts on the announcers post match, shouting conspiracy and injustice. Oh I need to get to 1997 Raw. It’s AMAZING when it gets rolling.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Sid won the title at Survivor Series and this is the rematch. Sid was on a legit roll at this point, having pinned Shawn and Bret in back to back matches. Shawn is bordering on a massive heel turn here but Sid isn’t quite ready to be a face, which likely has a lot to do with Taker being moved to the main event. Sid has been tormenting the son of Shawn’s mentor Jose Lothario to set this up.

Shawn has the flu and looks horrible in his pre match promo. Not much to say here either. This would wind up being Lothario’s last match in Shawn’s corner.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Shawn gets by far and away the pop of the night as the hometown boy. I love Sid’s name in lights pyro entrance. Shawn is shoved down to start until Sid pounds away. Michaels comes back with a cross body and rams Sid’s head into the mat, drawing the longest reaction of the night. Sid heads to the floor for a breather and lays on the mats. Shawn goes after him and is about to be gorilla pressed but he rakes Sid’s eyes to escape.

Back in and Shawn jumps into a powerslam followed by a camel clutch. Sid drops down onto the back and Shawn is in trouble. Shawn avoids the second drop down but Sid comes right back, sending Shawn into the corner for the Flair Flip. Back to the chinlock followed by a clothesline for two. Off to a bearhug which eats up several minutes. Shawn’s parents are concerned. Shawn breaks the hold with an atomic drop but the hold goes right back on. A legdrop gets two for Sid and the champ isn’t getting frustrated at all.

We hit the reverse chinlock again but Shawn fights up with right hands. He slams Sid down and hits the forearm to set up the nip-up. The top rope elbow hits but Shawn is knocked to the floor before the superkick can hit. Shawn gets powerbombed on the floor so Sid grabs both Lotharios. That goes nowhere so Shawn pounds away even more. Dang he popped up fast after that powerbomb.

The referee gets bumped and there’s the chokeslam for two from a second referee. Sid shoves the second referee down and Shawn hits Sid with the camera, which is what Sid did to win the title in the first place. That only gets two though (Lawler: “WOO HOO!”) but Sweet Chin Music gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: C+. Not a great match or anything but it did exactly what it was supposed to do. There was zero chance Shawn was losing here and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. He got by far and away the biggest reactions all night long and it’s as basic of a story as you could ask for. Decent match, especially considering how sick Shawn was. Sid did really well here too, doing exactly what he was supposed to but making it look good.

Shawn celebrates for a LONG time to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show has a solid last forty minutes, but it’s a three hour show, not an hour long show. The year of 1997 was about as bad as it could have gotten for WWF from a business standpoint, but the future was bright. The main thing I want to focus on here though is Austin, as today you would see him get the world title at Mania 13, whereas here they let him simmer for a year. That’s smart business, because while he would have been a successful champion, he wouldn’t have been the juggernaut that he became. Anyway this show was bad, but it does have some bright spots.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ahmed Johnson vs. Farrooq

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

That overall rating surprised me. How could I go that high after nearly the same grades leading up to it?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

To MSG we go as we’re in a very different era here. Shawn is world champion but is also burned out and needing some time away from the ring. He’s defending against Sid tonight, but that’s not the important thing tonight. There’s a major debut, but aside from that, we’ve got Bret Hart returning for the first time since losing the title to Shawn to face a bald headed Texan who is tired of hearing how great guys like Hart are and wants to prove how great he is. His name is Stone Cold Steve Austin and tonight is his coming out party. Let’s get to it.

After a quick look at what’s been going on in MSG to hype the show we’re ready to go.

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Doug Furnas, Phillip Lafon, Godwinns

Owen Hart, British Bulldog, New Rockers

The New Rockers are Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and Marty Jannetty. Furnas and Lafon are feuding with Hart and Bulldog for Smith and Hart’s tag titles. Furnas and Lafon were a team who mainly worked in AJPW in Japan who were better than they’re given credit for. Apparently Furnas is the one with the long hair. Got it. I can never remember which is which. Lafon vs. Marty starts things off and they trade arm holds, but Lafon avoids a monkey flip. The Rockers are heels here if that’s not clear.

Off to Cassidy who is a better technical guy. Lafon goes after the leg but Cassidy comes back with a leg drag. Off to Phineas who spits into the air, catches it, and rubs it in his hair. Cassidy messes with Phineas and hides in the ropes as a result. A clothesline puts Godwin down and it’s off to Owen for some stomping. Off to Bulldog for more beating but I keep getting distracted by the agents and other people coming in and out of the door to the backstage area at the top of the aisle.

Eventually we get down to Marty vs. Phineas with Jannetty taking over with a jumping back elbow. Marty loads up his Superbomb but gets crotched. Phineas loads up a superplex (JR: “How stupid was that of him?”) but gets shoved down. Marty misses an elbow and there’s the hot tag minus the heat to bring in Henry vs. Marty. Phineas dives into the corner to stop Henry from hitting the buckle and it’s the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) to eliminate Jannetty. Owen immediately spinwheel kicks Henry to tie it up.

Phineas goes into one of his fits and beats up everyone, but Bulldog gets a blind tag and powerslams Phineas to make it 3-2. All three of those eliminations were in less than a minute so I didn’t skip anything. It’s Furnas/Lafon vs. Cassidy/Hart/Bulldog. Furnas and Bulldog start things off and Furnas is in trouble. Off to Cassidy for a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Furnas speeds things up but Owen gets a blind tag in and hits a sweet missile dropkick for two.

A fisherman’s suplex gets two for Owen and some heel triple teaming has Furnas in trouble. JR goes on another rant about how the two referees are making no difference here. This is during the time when JR had gone heel for the first time but it wouldn’t last much longer. Back to Cassidy who hits a gutbuster but doesn’t cover for some reason. Cassidy misses a charge and there’s the tag to Lafon, who hits a quick reverse superplex to eliminate Leif and get us down to the main two tag teams.

It’s Lafon vs. Bulldog with Davey being dropped on his face. Owen comes in with a cross body for two. A neckbreaker and a legdrop get two on Lafon as does an enziguri. Back to Bulldog who kicks Lafon low to keep control. Things break down a bit and Lafon hits a quick sunset flip on Smith for the elimination. It’s Owen vs. Furnas and Lafon with Lafon in the ring to start the last part.

Owen goes after the leg including an Indian Deathlock and the Sharpshooter but Furnas makes the save. Lafon hits a spin kick to take Hart down and there’s the hot tag to Furnas (pun intended). Doug destroys Owen with suplexes and a release German gets the final pin. Furnas beat him in about thirty seconds.

Rating: C+. This didn’t suck but it didn’t hit a level they were reaching for. Furnas and Lafon didn’t look right here and the crowd didn’t really know who they were yet, so the place was hardly rocking. It’s not a bad match but it didn’t quite work like it was supposed to. Things will pick up soon on this show though.

Kevin Kelly is in the boiler room with Mankind, who he abandoned Undertaker for at Summerslam. Tonight the huge rivalry continues with Bearer locked in a small cage above the ring. This is when Mankind was still relatively new (he debuted about six and a half months before this) and no one knew what to make of him yet. All anyone knew was he could beat up Undertaker which was unheard of at the time.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Bearer has to be locked in the small cage. This is a Cornette Special. Taker lowers down from the rafters in what can only be called a Batman costume minus the mask. Taker also has on a new attire for this, which is basically a biker vest and leather pants. That would become his standard look for the next three years or so. Mankind rams him into the small cage to start and they head to the floor very quickly.

Back in and Taker gets all fired up before busting out a drop toehold. He goes after Mankind’s right arm to take away the Mandible Claw, which is the only hold that can stop Undertaker. Taker puts on a cross armbreaker of all things, which is something he would occasionally bust out when he was MMA Cowboy Of Death mode but I didn’t think he did it back here. Apparently if Taker wins he gets five minutes with Mankind. We head back to the floor with Taker ramming the arm into the barricade again. Back in and Taker misses an elbow but he sits up immediately.

We head to the floor for the third time via a Cactus Clothesline and they head into the crowd. Mankind charges at Taker but gets backdropped over the barricade and onto the concrete. A low blow puts Taker down on the apron and down onto the floor, where Mankind hits the elbow off the apron. Taker gets sent into the buckle but comes back with an elbow to the face.

Taker headbutts him halfway out of the ring as this continues to be a total brawl so far. Undertaker bites on the Claw hand but he lowers his head and gets piledriven down for two. Mankind loads up the Claw but Taker blocks the hands. The Tombstone is countered and there’s the Claw. Taker sends him out to the floor which is one of the first times that hold has been broken.

Old School hits but Mankind pops up and hits a double arm DDT to put Taker down. Mankind goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. The Claw goes on but Taker chokeslams him anyway. Cool spot. Taker tries a cross body but he crashes over the top and out to the floor. Mankind tries a flip dive off the apron but crashes just as badly as Taker did. Back in and Mankind tries a quick sleeper, only to be suplexed down by Taker.

Even JR is talking about how much more wrestling Undertaker is doing here which is indeed a strange sight. Mankind pulls out a foreign object to stab at Taker with. Unlike Lawler’s style, there’s an actual object here for Mankind to hit him with. Mankind climbs on his back in the corner but Taker pulls Mankind down and KILLS HIM with the Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: B. Foley said in his book that this is his least favorite of the series with Taker, which is saying a lot because this is a very solid brawl. It’s physical for the full fifteen minutes it runs with two large guys beating the tar out of each other. On top of that, it’s cool to see Taker work a new style while in an entirely new attire as well. Good stuff here.

Bearer’s cage is lowered to Taker but the Executioner (Terry Gordy in a hood) makes the save. Taker beats him up but Bearer escapes.

Sunny (still smoking hot and not smoking crack here) comes out for commentary.

Team HHH, with the IC Champion as captain, is ready for Marc Mero. Mark Henry was supposed to be on HHH’s team but he’s injured. I’m shocked too.

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Goldust, Crush

Marc Mero, Jake Roberts, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia

I think you know everyone here. Stalker is Barry Windham as a kind of military guerrilla warfare character. This is Rocky’s debut, so who do you think the focus is going to be on? Lawler and Roberts are feuding as well. Mero has Sable with him here. Sunny immediately freaks out on JR for suggesting Sable is hotter. She yells about being natural while Sable is about to melt near the fireworks. Rocky’s outfit looks ridiculous with kind of a cape but made of streamers that goes over his chest as well. Apparently Roberts was a surprise partner and the replacement for Henry.

Jake comes out with the big yellow snake sans bag and chases the team off with it. Goldust and Mero get things going with Marc cranking on the arm. They both block hiptosses so Mero rolls him up for two. Off to Stalker who is now just a guy in camo pants and a WWF t-shirt. Back to Mero to fire off a bunch of hiptosses to Goldie who is a bit calmer than he was last year. Rollup gets two for Mero and it’s back to the arm. Stalker pounds away at Goldie’s ribs before it’s off to HHH. Off to Mero to face Crush as HHH wanted nothing to do with Wildman (Mero).

Mero grabs the arm and for you trivia guys out there, Rocky’s first official time in a WWF ring is against Crush. It lasts all of six seconds before it’s off to Lawler who is immediately punched, kicked in the face, and knocked to the floor. You know Lawler is going to go insane with the selling too. Lawler wants nothing to do with Rocky so it’s off to HHH. Vince explains that Rocky’s name is Dwayne Johnson and that he took the name of his father and grandfather to come up with Rocky Maivia.

In the first of many matches, HHH stomps away in the corner and JR is in football mode. Goldust comes in and drops an elbow followed by some rights to the head. Crush comes in and works on the back for a bit before it’s off to Lawler. Back to HHH as Sunny makes fun of Vince for allegedly having a toupee. Rocky pounds away and backdrops HHH before it’s off to Roberts.

Jake beats up everyone but tries to get to Lawler instead of going after the legal HHH. The shortarm clothesline takes HHH down but the DDT doesn’t work. Off to Lawler who makes fun of Roberts for being an alcoholic. Lawler keeps doing it and there’s the DDT for the first elimination. Goldust comes in next as JR makes fun of the lack of tan on Roberts. We hit the chinlock for a bit until jawbreaker gets Jake out of it. Off to Stalker as JR and Sunny talk about Barry wearing lucky boots. Crush hits Stalker in the back and the Curtain Call (reverse suplex drop) gets the pin for Goldust to tie things up.

Mero comes in immediately to hit a knee lift to take over. Goldie gets in a shot and HHH finally comes in to beat on the other captain. A backbreaker puts Mero down and it’s back to Crush. This is during Crush’s gang member phase and he couldn’t look more out of place with his partners at this point. A legdrop gets two for Crush and it’s off to Goldie. Back to Crush for another backbreaker for two. Things are slowing down a bit here.

HHH comes in again and puts on an abdominal stretch. He gets caught holding the ropes and hiptossed out as is his custom with referees. A sunset flip can’t get HHH down before he makes the tag to Goldust. HHH is back in about five seconds later and let’s look at Sunny! Ok I can’t complain about that one as much. Jake is pulled in sans tag, allowing Mero to hit a moonsault press on HHH for the elimination. That was a very messy sequence with all the tags with nothing happening between them and the non-tag to Jake. Either that or I missed a tag and Mero was totally illegal when he pinned HHH.

It’s Mero/Rocky/Roberts vs. Crush/HHH. Crush comes in next and is almost immediately dropkicked out to the floor. Mero loads up a dive but Goldust makes a save and shoves Crush out of the way. Back inside, Crush’s Heart Punch (exactly what it sounds like) pins Mero. We were looking at a replay when it happened though so that’s hearsay. Roberts comes in, misses the short clothesline and is Heart Punched out as well.

We’re left with Rocky (who actually gets a face chant in MSG at this point) vs. Goldust and Crush. He starts with the one not painted like an Academy Award and accepts a Test of Strength for some reason. A small package out of nowhere gets two for Maivia and here’s Goldust again. Rocky cross bodies Crush for no count as both bad guys are in the ring at once. Goldust hits Rocky low which isn’t illegal apparently but Crush Heart Punches Goldie. Cross body pins Crush and about thirty seconds later, a shoulder breaker (Rocky’s original finisher) gets the final pin.

Rating: C+. This dragged a bit in the middle, but it accomplished three goals: Roberts got to knock Lawler out cold, Mero got to pin HHH to continue their feud, and Rocky got to debut strongly. The problem is the rest of the match wasn’t much to see. Maivia winning over guys like Crush and Goldust is a good thing because it’s unrealistic to have him beat the IC Champion and beating Lawler doesn’t mean anything because Lawler is a career jobber in the WWF. Crush is a big imposing guy who is also a jobber, but at least he looks intimidating. Goldust has credentials too and a loss isn’t going to hurt him. Smart booking.

We recap Bret vs. Austin in arguably the real main event of the night. Austin has spent weeks or months talking about how what Hart did means nothing. Bret hasn’t been seen since Wrestlemania when he lost to Shawn. Tonight we have to see if Austin can back up what he’s saying against a rusty Hitman. The hype on this was excellent and still works to this day.

Bret says MSG is holy ground for him.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

They stare each other down in the middle of the ring and Austin flips Hart off. This feels like a huge fight which is exactly what it’s supposed to do. Austin takes Bret into the corner and gives a clean break. Bret goes for Austin’s leg and they go into the corner as well for another clean break. I love matches where the guys mirror each other. JR says neither of these guys have ever submitted in the WWF. That’s not actually true but we’ll go with it for the sake of simplicity.

Austin actually wins a technical battle and cranks on the arm. Bret does the same and adds a hammerlock. They fight for wristlocks and Bret takes it to the mat, working on the arm. Austin fights up and takes his head off with an elbow. Bret stays technical, Austin turns it into a brawl. This is going to have some good psychology in it I’d assume. Bret takes it right back to the mat and cranks on the arm again.

Back up and Austin drops Bret with a Stun Gun and immediately chokes. Hit the neck, work on the neck. It’s not complicated. Austin stomps on the neck and throat before slingshotting Bret’s throat into the bottom rope. An elbow to the neck/chest sends Bret to the floor and Austin is starting to roll. Back in and Austin hooks a chinlock before dropping knees to the chest/throat for two.

They slug it out with Austin knocking Bret into the corner. Bret comes back with an atomic drop (which Vince calls a reverse piledriver because he’s Vince McMahon and isn’t a very good announcer) and a clothesline followed by a Russian legsweep for two. A bulldog attempt by Hart is countered by sending him chest first into the buckle. Austin loads up a superplex but Bret slams him down and hits a top rope elbow for a delayed two.

Austin escapes a backbreaker with a rake of the eyes as momentum shifts again. Bret gets sent to the floor and Austin just pounds on him with forearms and punches. Austin rams him back first into the post as the attacks shifts to the back. Bret comes back by sending him into the barricade, breaking the thing apart. They head into the front row and knock the barricade over. Austin is in trouble again and Bret chases him to the other side of the ring.

Steve is like screw this defense thing and sling shots Bret onto the Spanish announce table. They fight underneath the table with Austin pounding away. Austin was a smart heel in that instead of standing around, he wanted to beat on Bret even more when he had Bret down. Back in and Austin drops a middle rope elbow for two. A running crotch attack to Bret’s back gets another two and Austin is getting frustrated.

Off to an abdominal stretch and of course Austin grabs the rope. Back up and Bret wins a slugout before Stun Gunning Austin right back to take over again. A piledriver puts Steve down for two and Bret is exhausted. Bret hits a backbreaker and goes up, only to get crotched and superplexed down. Austin has that look in his eye where you know he’s feeling it. Bret hooks Austin’s feet after the superplex but only gets two.

Bret goes after Austin and walks into a Stunner but it only gets two. It gets another two and make that four. Austin is all ticked off now and pounds away at Bret before getting two more. He puts Bret in a solid Texas Cloverleaf but Bret still won’t quit. He makes the rope and the fans breathe a sigh of relief. Austin sends him into the corner but Bret’s knee gives out and Bret’s back hits the post.

That gets two and Austin goes back to the Cloverleaf. Scratch that as he makes it a bow and arrow instead. It’s amazing how much different that broken neck made Austin. He’s a completely different guy here and it works really well too. Austin grabs the ropes to block a Sharpshooter and there’s a sleeper but Austin hits a jawbreaker to escape. Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream but Bret climbs up the buckles and backflips onto Austin for the surprise pin. Steve is stunned, no pun intended. Apparently this was a #1 contenders match. Ok then.

Rating: A+. It’s Austin vs. Hart for 25 minutes. Were you expecting anything but a masterpiece? This match isn’t remembered for one reason: they had a rematch which is one of the greatest matches of all time. This however is liked better by a lot of people and I can easily get that. This is a pure, hard hitting wrestling match which ends with a wrestling counter. The psychology here is incredible with Austin wanting to prove he can go move for move with Bret before finally getting outsmarted when Austin was frustrated and trying one of his old moves. This is one of the best pairings of all time.

Sid is ready for Shawn tonight.

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Farrooq, Vader, Razor Ramon, Diesel

Yokozuna, Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Jimmy Snuka

Snuka is a mystery partner, Yoko literally must weigh 700lbs, and these are the fake Ramon and Diesel. Diesel here is more famous as Kane. Cornette is on commentary here and freaks out because of Snuka, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame last night. This is when the HOF was even more of a joke than it is today. Funk and Vader get things going as this match couldn’t be more filler if it tried.

Vader pummels him in the corner but Funk comes back with a kick that misses by so much that even Vince has to say it didn’t hit. Vader goes down anyway. Vader is sent to the floor and Funk hits a moonsault to take him out and send Cornette into heart attack mode. Back in and Vader powerbombs him down but it’s off to Yoko. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Farrooq vs. Savio. This is Farrooq’s debut with the Nation of Domination which is just him at this point.

Razor comes in and JR, the guy that brought them in, wants nothing to do with them. JR says he’d be a better manager than Cornette would. Cornette: “You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” JR: “I could if you were in town.” Razor can’t do the fallaway slam so it’s off to Diesel. Remember that this is New York City so guess how well this is received. Diesel pounds on Funk, Funk fires back, Diesel knocks him down, CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY???

Funk tries a sunset flip but gets chokebombed for his efforts. Off to Farrooq who gets flipped around by Funk but Flash walks into a snap spinebuster. Here’s Vader for some mauling before Savio gets the tag. Off to Snuka who charges into a Diesel knee. Vader vs. Snuka now and Superfly actually slams him.

Off to Savio who gets beaten up by Farrooq on the floor. Back in and Diesel Jackknifes Snuka for the first elimination. Off to Snuka vs. Ramon now with Snuka slamming him down and hitting the Superfly Splash for the elimination. Then everyone brawls in the ring and EVERYONE IS FREAKING DQ’ED TO END THE MATCH.

Rating: F. There was no reason for this match to happen, Ramon and Diesel were STUPID, Yoko was disgustingly fat, Farrooq was a waste of a debut, Snuka isn’t a good surprise at all. There’s nothing to see here and it was one of the worst matches I can remember in a long time. Also it’s less than ten minutes long, making it the shortest Survivor Series match ever.

We recap Sid vs. Shawn. They used to be partners and now they’re fighting over the title. Sid is nuts and that’s about it.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Sid’s name in pyro was always cool. The fans aren’t all that thrilled with Shawn but it’s not booing. Shawn charges at Sid and is immediately knocked down with right hands. The champ (Shawn) stands in one place and punches even faster which apparently is ok. Off to a headlock on the mat but Sid NIPS UP and pounds away. There’s a gorilla press attempt but Shawn lands on his feet. Sid tries the powerbomb (POP) but Shawn bails to the floor.

Back in and Shawn takes out the knee before hitting a Robinsdale Crunch (it’s a leg lock with Shawn jumping to crush the knee). The fans chant for Sid. Off to a Figure Four for awhile before Sid rolls it over. Shawn goes for the hold again but Sid kicks him shoulder first into the post. Sid slows things down and starts firing off some kicks to the head and ribs.

Shawn avoids a charge into the corner and goes after the knee some more. Sid kicks him into the ropes and Shawn skins the cat, but Sid clotheslines him right to the floor. Shawn gets dropped on the barricade which gets two back inside. Sid hits a few running kicks to the head in the corner as things slow down again. Michaels avoids a charge in the corner and goes up, with the fans openly booing him now.

The champ dives into a backbreaker for two and Shawn can barely get up. Shawn fights up and turns it into a slugout with Sid going down. We get the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot and Sid puts on a cobra clutch. Shawn fights up and walks into a chokeslam. The place is exploding for Sid here. The powerbomb is countered into a small package for two but Sid gets the same off a powerslam.

Shawn nips up and is immediately clotheslined down to a BIG pop. Sid grabs a camera and blasts Jose Lithario (Shawn’s manager) in the chest with it for no apparent reason. Shawn superkicks Sid down but stops to look at Jose instead of covering. The referee goes down somewhere in there and Shawn gets hit with the camera as well. Back inside Sid powerbombs Shawn down for the pin and the title. Girl in the front row: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Rating: B. Shawn’s heart wasn’t in this at all and that was clear throughout the match. His eyes didn’t have it in there anymore and it’s really no surprise that after February he would take time off to find his smile. This was good stuff for the most part but the ending seemed overdone. Little trivia for you: this is Sid’s first title in the WWF or WCW. You would have thought he would have gotten something before then, given the PPVs he main evented.

Shawn scrambles to the back to check on Jose.

Overall Rating: B+. There’s some awesome stuff on here with a lot of historical stuff in there too. There’s one really bad match but it only lasts ten minutes or so. Other than that, this show is pretty much golden. Solid show overall but the company was entering a dark age with the NWO destroying them. That being said, the Austin vs. Bret feud would continue for most of a year and would keep the promotion alive once they hit the double turn in the spring. Good show here and much better than I remember.

Ratings Comparison

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart and British Bulldog

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Original: C+

Redo: B

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Original: D

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: D-

Redo: F

Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Like I said, I liked it better than I rememebred.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1996-bret-vs-austin-the-prequel-and-rock-debuts/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 30, 1996
Location; Hershey Park Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Kevin Kelly

We’re in an interesting time for the WWF at this point. By interesting I mean WCW is absolutely murdering them and WWF is clinging to whatever they can find. It’s about a week after Mind Games, meaning Shawn is still WWF Champion and the main feud is now Undertaker vs. Mankind as we head into Buried Alive. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of JR’s recent heel turn. Man alive I have to put through this in the 1999 series and now I have to do it again here? This was right after he brought in Fake Razor and Fake Diesel debuts tonight.

Steve Austin vs. Jake Roberts

Austin was already the King of the Ring but he wasn’t a huge star yet because Bret Hart hadn’t been there to give him the big rub. Jake is feuding with Jerry Lawler at this point. Austin takes him into the corner to start so Jake does the exact same thing to him. Off to a headlock by Steve as JR rants about management some more. Austin stalls a lot before charging into the corner, only to have to bail to the floor to avoid the DDT.

A Lawler distraction doesn’t help Austin so he goes with the elbows to the chest to take over. JR continues to rant about how much his job sucks as Austin goes after the ribs. The middle rope elbow gets two for Austin and we take a break. Back with Austin missing an elbow to the back of the head and Jake starting the DDT sequence, only to be clotheslined down for two. Lawler gets up with two bottles of booze (for the alcoholic Jake) as Jake hits the DDT on Steve. Jerry spits whiskey in Jake’s face, allowing Austin to hit the Stunner (much slower than it would become but it works that way too) for the pin.

Rating: C-. More of an angle than a match here. It’s always interesting to see the original Austin though since he was a totally different yet awesome wrestler before the neck injury. The Stunner as a slow move that stops someone dead in their tracks is an interesting take on the move rather than having it be a big move like it became.

Austin and Lawler beat up Jake but Savio Vega and his leather strap make the save.

Mankind digs a grave by hand but Bearer says Undertaker has buried his own grave.

Here’s the blueblood HHH to call out Mr. Perfect.

The Grimms vs. Godwinns

The Grimms are gimmick #6000 for the Harris Twins. HHH jumps in on commentary as Phineas walks around ringside with a goat. Jason Grimm starts with Phineas by grabbing a quickly broken headlock. Off to Henry vs. Jared Grimm with the Godwinn hitting a big clothesline to send Grimm to the floor. Mr. Perfect jumps in on a split screen as the twins take over on Henry. Perfect says he’ll accept the challenge but he’ll give HHH a few weeks to get ready. Jared’s chinlock is quickly broken and it’s hot tag to Phineas to clean house. Phineas escapes a backbreaker and lays out Jared with the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) for the pin.

Rating: D. The match was just a backdrop for the Perfect/HHH angle which gets annoying after awhile. It always amuses me when I see the Harris Brothers going from generic gimmick to generic gimmick like this. Almost none of them are any better than the other so why constantly change it without putting any effort into the thing?

Video on Jeff Jarrett lip synching, meaning he jumped to WCW so we need something to move his heat to Road Dogg. Back when he sang in 1995 it was clearly Road Dogg’s voice which was supposed to set up a feud between the two of them but the contract came up so we’ll just reveal it here instead. Not a big loss to be fair.

Fake Razor Ramon vs. Savio Vega

JR says he brought back Razor Ramon but not Scott Hall, which is an interesting take on the idea. It’s a nice jab at Hall and Nash but I don’t think most of the fans cared for the most part. WWF President Gorilla Monsoon joins commentary to complain about the angle. JR of course complains about Vince and no one cares at all. It’s very strange hearing Monsoon talking about Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. I can feel my childhood dying away.

Savio pounds away to start but gets sent into the corner for right hands. Razor avoids a charge into the corner as the great debate about Ramon continues on commentary. The fallaway slam puts Vega down and it’s off to an armbar by Razor. The hold stays on for a good while and you can hear Lawler getting annoyed at the argument. In the back, Doc Hendrix is going to try to get an interview with Diesel. Back to the armbar as this just keeps going. Savio gets two off a small package as Hendrix can’t find Diesel.

We take a break (complete with Lex Luger’s WCW music over an ad for the WWF Hotline) and come back with more armbarring and more complaining from JR. Now he’s complaining about Doink having a job and how Monsoon should hate it too. Savio makes a comeback and Fake Diesel (Kane, though he actually looks a lot like Nash in the attire) comes in for the DQ.

Rating: F. The idea of “anyone can play the characters” was a nice jab at WCW, but the match was HORRIBLE. It was about ten minutes of armbars and JR ranting and raving about how stupid this was. One lesson here though: Kane is a great example of repackaging until you find the right gimmick. They tried him as a knight, a dentist and Fake Diesel until they FINALLY got it right with Undertaker’s brother. The key thing though was they recognized the talent and kept at it.

Undertaker is in the graveyard and says he knew Bearer would stoop to this. He’ll be glad to dig Mankind’s grave and bury him alive.

Vader/Jim Cornette vs. Jose Lothario/Shawn Michaels

For some reason we look at a video of Marc Mero vs. Faarooq during the entrances. The wrestlers start us off as JR complains AGAIN about Diesel getting a match against Marc Mero next week but not being in the advertisements. Shawn pounds away to start but gets his head taken off with a clothesline to give the monster control. A running splash in the corner crushes Shawn and a standing fallaway slam sends him flying.

Shawn punches out of the powerbomb and actually takes Vader down with a hurricanrana, only to be launched to the floor. Back in and Vader pounds away in the corner before bringing in Cornette. He takes too much time warming up though allowing for the tag to the ancient Lothario. Corny goes to the eyes and brings in Vader but it’s back to Shawn before we get the old man death.

Shawn speeds things up with the forearm and nipup followed by the elbow. Vader ducks the superkick though and takes Shawn’s head off with a clothesline. Back from a late break with Vader changing his mind between the moonsault and the Vader Bomb, only to jump onto Shawn’s legs. Shawn actually slams him down but his back gives out on a second attempt. The powerbomb and Vader Bomb are enough to pin Shawn.

Rating: C-. The tag match was an excuse to keep this from officially being one on one but that’s all it was for all intents and purposes. The match was nothing special but it kept Vader looking strong, even though it was just to be fed to some superhero down the line. It’s a good choice for a main event but there’s nothing much to see here.

Vader stays on Shawn until Sid makes the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I think I get why WCW was dominating at this point. This was AWFUL with the best matches being ok at their very best. The Razor/JR stuff was horrible and I can’t imagine anyone cared. It’s a nice idea for a jab but all it’s going to make people do is watch the real thing on Nitro without JR’s whining. Terrible show and it’s a long road to February when Raw was completely changed into the show we know today.

 

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Fall Brawl 1999
Date: September 12, 1999
Location: Lawrence Joel Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 7,491
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Well it’s the last Fall Brawl that I have left here and WCW is in its dying days here. Yes I know they went on for over a year after this but for all intents and purposes they were done in 2000. There’s no cage at all on this show and I don’t think anyone is going to particularly miss it anyway. Anyway other than that there isn’t much to talk about. Hogan vs. Sting for the title is the main event.  Let’s get to it.

Oh and one other thing: Bischoff was legit fired two days before this show, so let’s see what kind of differences we have here.

The opening video is about who you can trust. Not much to say other than that. Hogan says he’s a changed man and all that jazz. Oh and Luger won’t screw them over. He promises.

The announcers say they don’t know who to trust so that’s what makes this very interesting and all that jazz.

Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Insane Clown Posse/Vampiro

Oh look: it’s the clowns. For some reason these guys kept getting put on major shows and told they were pro wrestlers so they pretend they are and waste a lot of time. The other team is the Filthy Animals apparently. Rey is unmasked with blonde hair here because that money from his mask sales was just not needed here. LONG stall to start because they’re freaking clowns.

Vampy doesn’t have his face painted which is a very weird look for him. They chill on the floor so we don’t have any of that wrestling stuff. White hot crowd. Ok so it’s Kidman against Shaggy 2 Dope. I hate this already. Kidman lets Shaggy get a shot in to start and Kidman is walking him through everything. A reverse Veg-O-Matic hits Shaggy and it’s off to Eddie.

Off to Rey vs. Violent Jay. He’s the bigger one and the blonde guy so it’s easy to tell them apart. Bronco Buster hits Vampiro and it’s off to Kidman. Since having Vampiro would be the best idea for his team, here’s Jay again. And yes I know it’ssupposed to just be the letter J but screw these idiots. DDT to Kidman and it’s off to Vampiro again. He hits a spinwheel kick off the top for two on Kidman.

The heels double team Kidman as Tony says his hair used to be like Vampiro’s. Vampy chops away and it’s off to Shaggy. You can tell very quickly that the clowns have very limited skill and training. They look like the Tough Enough guys going through spots. Rey’s knee is hurt and if I remember right this is legit.

Vampiro works over Rey for a bit more until it’s off to Eddie. Let the chopping begin! Vampy gets a nice spin kick to take Eddie down as it’s back to the clowns. Shaggy TOTALLY misses a top rope legdrop but gets two anyway. Eddie cleans house but Shaggy and Vampiro hit the absolute worst 3D you will ever see.

Shaggy was doing Bubba’s part and drops Eddie about two feet above the mat, more or less making it a very modified Samoan Drop by Vampiro. GET THESE GUYS OUT OF THE FREAKING RING BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEONE. Everything breaks down and it’s 3-2 due to Rey’s knee injury. The Shooting Star ends Vampiro finally.

Rating: D+. This is one of those matches where you have to praise one set of guys for the good stuff and blame the rest on the others. Point blank: the clowns don’t belong in the ring. They’re not good, they’re not interesting, they’re not wrestlers and they have zero business being out there. That being said, naturally they got time on all four major companies’ shows because someone hates me.

We recap the Cruiserweight Title match which is basically Lenny Lane as a gay guy who is champion defending against Kaz Hayashi who is the flavor of the month.

Cruiserweight Title: Lenny vs. Kaz Hayashi

In what may or may not be a great way to set this up, Kaz was facing Lodi and rolled up Lenny when he interfered to pin him and earn the title shot. Lenny and Lodi are the West Hollywood Blondes now and they’re just flat out gay characters now. Lenny does the stereotypical Rico-style stuff and it’s official that we have a comedy match. Kaz sends him to the floor and Lenny literally jumps into Lodi’s arms like he’s about to be carried over a threshold.

Kaz dives onto them and takes over in the ring. Lenny drops him down and does the whole sexy pin thing. Pretty nice gutwrench powerbomb gets two. Lenny goes to the floor and Kaz hits a huge tope con hilo to take over again. And never mind as Lodi gets a shot in to take over again and give Lenny two. Off to the chinlock to waste some time now.

Kaz gets a rana for two but walks into a bulldog for two. Belly to back shifts the momentum back to Hayashi. This is an awkward match to say the least. Kaz gets a pretty awesome slingshot bulldog for two and sets for his finisher, whatever that is. It’s something off the top apparently. Lenny reverses, only to get caught in a Ligerbomb out of the corner for two. Rana out of the corner gets two. Kaz sends the blondes into each other and gets a victory roll for two. Lodi interferes for two but the distraction is enough to let Lenny hit a Skull Crushing Finale to end it.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t horrible but it was certainly awkward for almost the entire thing. The ending was better but at the same time it was far more like a collection of spots rather than a match. That was a problem for Cruiserweights and with lower level guys like these, that’s not good. Not a terrible match or anything, but just kind of weak. Lenny would be stripped of the title by Turner Sports because they didn’t like his character, resulting in them finally saying Psicosis is champion just because we say so.

Sting comes out to the ring for a full on promo. In short he’s a lone wolf (or is it lobster) and isn’t friends with Luger. Flexy Lexy needs to stay out of the ring tonight so we’ll have him penciled in for run-in #3. Oh and this is business, not personal with Hogan. Say it with me: heel turn.

Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus vs. Shane Douglas/Dean Malenko

Pre-match the face team (Douglas/Malenko) do their thing, but Shane says the wrong city and state. Oh dear. Douglas/Malenko are part of the Revolution, which was supposed to be a youth uprising thing but turned into an anti-American thing like a month after this. Knobbs/Morrus are the First Family, which is Jimmy Hart’s very low level stable. This is also No DQ for no apparent reason. Big brawl to start so Dean kicks them both in the balls to take over. Shane comes back in and the Revolution cleans the ring out.

Double baseball slides take out the First Family as this is still a big brawl. The Revolution is sent into various metal objects and something goes flying that we can’t identify. Either way it half kills Shane. We get things down to normal now as Knobbs rubs his armpit in the face of Shane. Shane gets all ticked off and brings in Dean, who has little trouble taking care of Knobbs. Speaking of Knobbs, why in the world is he on PPV in 1999?

Dean works the arm and then the wrist. When you can make a wristlock look freaking sick, that’s a good sign. Off to Morrus and Shane again as this is more or less target practice for the Revolution. Knobbs and Shane go back to the floor for more brawling so back in the ring Shane is tagged in. Tony gets his first stupid line of the match in by saying they’ve kept this in the ring so far. It’s important to mention that it’s the first stupid line because we’ve been on the air about 40 minutes so far.

The Revolution clears the ring again and Shane takes over on Knobbs soon thereafter. Double teaming gets Douglas down so Knobbs gets to go on his, ahem, offense. Middle rope splash eats a foot which looks like it nearly broke Shane’s leg. Double tag with a small pop for Dean, who I think is half of the face team. Dean cleans house….and gets tripped up by Knobbs, allowing Morrus to take over and hit No Laughing Matter to end this. Clean. On PPV. Hugh Morrus pinned Dean Malenko. In 1999. And people wonder why the Radicals happened in four months.

Rating: D. The match was a mess, there seemed to be no po….oh screw it. WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY THINKING??? Dude, why in the world would this be the booking move? I mean really it’s HUGH FREAKING MORRUS and BRIAN KNOBBS going over Shane Douglas and Dean Malenko in 1999. This is so idiotic I can’t even begin to describe it. Dean, please just leave now. It’s not going to get any better, I assure you.

TV Title: Perry Saturn vs. Rick Steiner

Steiner is now a heel and all “rough” or something like that. Oh and the Steiners are all cool again. Steiner is champion and Saturn is in the Revolution. Take a guess as to what happens here. Steiner takes him down to the match rather quickly as we’re told Buff Bagwell isn’t here yet but there’s a replacement for him who will be named later.

Saturn gets his spinning legdrop for no cover. Suicide dive takes out Steiner and Saturn hammers away. No real reason for this match other than Saturn has been deemed a challenger. We touch on the death of referee Mark Curtis (Brian Hilldebrand) who passed away earlier in the week. Everyone is wearing a black armband because of it which is always cool to see.

Out to the floor and Saturn is sent into the steps. Bad DDT on the floor puts Saturn down even more. Other than a brief flourish at the beginning it’s been all Steiner because that’s what he does. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to sell for anyone. That would imply that someone young could be better than him and the people might somehow care about him even less. Perish the thought!

German sends Saturn flying. Off to a chinlock so that Rick can have a little breather. Off to a half crab as this is rather boring indeed. Saturn slaps the mat but we’re not going to call that a tap out because that’s not the planned ending. Back to the half crab which isn’t even cranked on. Basically he’s just got his leg up in the air a bit. Give me a break. Belly to belly gets no cover for Rick.

There’s another belly to belly and Saturn is down. Rick yells at a fan and Saturn is able to get a middle rope dropkick to take Steiner down. T-bone suplex gets two for the former Perry. And never mind that as Steiner takes him down with a powerslam for two. Death Valley Driver, Saturn’s finisher, gets two also. Saturn calls for the Rings of Saturn but instead goes for another DVD which is shrugged off. Steiner Bulldog is broken up but the second attempt hits so Steiner can retain. Give me another break.

Rating: D-. No one, I mean NO ONE, cared about Rick Steiner at this point. Therefore the obvious solution is to give him the TV Title for four months. He would lose it to Benoit the next night, so why in the freaking world wouldn’t you just do the title change here???? Oh that’s right: Benoit has to job to Sid because Heaven knows Sid is the guy that needs the US Title more than Benoit right? I freaking give up.

Here’s Hogan, saying he’s a good guy now and won’t stab anyone in the back. Oh and if anyone wants him, come get him. There are run-ins #1 and #2 for later I presume. The fans chant for Flair, who isn’t here I don’t think.

We recap what was supposed to be Berlyn vs. Bagwell. Berlyn is Alex Wright as a crazy ticked off German with a Mohawk and The Wall (get it?) as his bodyguard. Bagwell didn’t like him so that was your match. Then Bagwell didn’t want to lose and refused to go out to lose. Of course he did. The Berlyn character was delayed due to Columbine, so this was supposed to happen back in the spring.

Berlyn vs. ???

The replacement is Jim Duggan of all people. Berlyn jumps him in the corner and can’t put him down with a dropkick. Duggan starts a comeback after not being on defense for the most part. Clotheslines put Berlyn on the floor. Duggan massacres him for the most part. Remember that this is Berlyn’s debut. Berlyn hits a clothesline, Duggan won’t stay down. They slug it out and Duggan still won’t sell anything.

The fans want Flair and are rather patriotic at the same time. Off to a chinlock which Duggan at least sits still for, at least for a few seconds. Duggan fights up and stays on offense. Seriously, the guy won’t stay down more than like 2 seconds off any move. He does the whole nothing hurts him walk (as opposed to standing there and letting nothing hurt him) and dear goodness help me they’re trying technical stuff.

I think it would be a bit better to go out and watch a bunch of puppies get massacred. This is horrid and somehow gets even more boring. Another chinlock gets us nowhere because Duggan won’t sell anything, not even with facial expressions. Duggan hammers away even more and Wall pulls back the mats on the floor. A HORRIBLE neckbreaker finally ends this. Duggan was going to take it like a Stunner so Berlyn had to say “turn around” to end it. Horrid, horrid match.

Rating: G. As in GO AWAY DUGGAN. This was awful and the majority of that can be blamed on Duggan. If he won’t sell for Berlyn, how in the world can you expect the character to be taken seriously? Terrible match and oddly enough the second time this has happened to Wright.

Bagwell “arrives” and comes out to hug Duggan, who isn’t happy. I’m not either but I’m not getting a paycheck like he is either so there we are.

Video on how Harlem Heat is back together. They were champions again and then the Rednecks got them because that’s how WCW rolls. That of course all happened in less than a month, because WCW decided we needed NINETEEN TITLE CHANGES in 1999.

Tag Titles: Harlem Heat vs. West Texas Rednecks

The Rednecks are Barry and Kendall Windham with Hennig in their corner. They’re country singers and that’s about it. The Windhams are legit brothers. Booker vs. Kendall to start us off and Kendall bails to avoid a spin kick. Heat double teams Kendall and it’s off to Stevie. Now Stevie won’t sell anything. Naturally this is probably going to be praised, because WCW needs more guys to no sell so their other guys look bad right?

Barry comes in to hit a DDT for no cover. How he went from being as totally awesome as he was at one point to being here now is amazing. Odd to see two pairs of brothers here. Actually it isn’t but there isn’t much to talk about here. Hennig gets in a shot to make sure that Kendall can get a two count on Stevie. Stevie gets a powerslam out of nowhere to put Barry down.

Double tag brings in Kendall and Booker with the more famous one doing what he can. Down goes Hennig and Kendall does the same a second after. The double teaming begins on the floor as Booker gets caught. Off to the chinlock on Booker by Kendall as the fans chant for the Heat. That’s better than nothing I guess. Axe kick hits but it would have been a bit better if Kendall had waited until it actually hit to go down.

Spinarooni is broken up by Barry and it’s back to the floor for Booker. More double teaming continues and it’s back in to Barry. Barry gets a middle rope superplex (his old finisher) but Stevie makes the save. If this sounds really boring, I’m getting better at this emotion thing in the writing. Kendall gets a lariat mostly to the neck for two. Booker gets his sunset flip out of the corner for two.

The heels double team a lot, as you would expect from a team with an old school guy like Barry. There’s a sleeper to Barry as this is probably on the verge of ending. Back off to Kendall who hits a weak middle rope clothesline for one. Classic old school spot as the referee misses the hot tag. Stevie beats up everyone anyway and everything breaks down. Hennig hits Ray in the head with a cowbell but the referee won’t count BECAUSE HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION!!!! WOW!!!!! Booker is still legal so the missile dropkick he hits gets the tag titles back.

Rating: D+. Match was weak but this is a fine sign of what Bischoff not being around means: the ending made perfect sense for a change and was actually kind of creative. No one cared about the match though, because we had seen it just a few weeks ago on Nitro. Nothing of note at all, as you could say about most matches tonight.

Recap of Benoit vs. Sid. Sid was doing the whole imitating Goldberg’s Streak deal and Benoit challenged him. Benoit is US Champion and part of the Revolution. You figure out what’s going to happen here.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious

Oh and Revolution’s theme song is a cover of The Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson. Just to hammer in WCW’s refusal to push young guys, Benoit and Malenko were having a #1 contenders match so Sid ran in to make it a no contest. He’s 79-0 at this point, with wins coming through means such as just chokeslamming people and not pinning them, beating people up in brawls and beating people up despite losing the match by countout or something like that. Go figure.

Sid throws Benoit around a lot and then stalls. Benoit gets tossed even more and then, like a good ring general, goes for the knee of a bigger man. Makes perfect sense right? He gets a dragon screw, a dropkick to the knee, some cannonballs down onto the knee and an Indian Deathlock in the span of about a minute. After all that, Sid popped up and was completely fine. It’s going to be one of those matches.

Sid stomps away in the corner with his knee being just fine. Benoit avoids a charge and goes to the floor, wrapping the leg around the post and then putting it between the steps and post, dropkicking the steps into the leg twice. That’s an attack that would put some guys out for weeks. Ok so to be clear: SID’S LEG SHOULD BE HURT. Back into the ring and Sid is able to catch Benoit flying through the air in a cross body. Benoit counters into a German and Sid flat out will not sell the knee at all.

Samoan Drop and the knee is still perfectly fine. Oh NOW he limps a bit, after destroying Benoit. By a bit I mean he kicks the ropes a few times and it perfectly fine. There’s a Cobra Clutch into a slam by Sid. That gets two so Sid hammers away on him and it’s off to the chinlock. The fans get distracted by something as Sid FINALLY starts to limp. You know, after he threw Benoit all over the place.

Sid goes for some power move but Benoit reverses and gets his feet up in the corner. Back to the knee and there’s the Crossface. Now as I’m sure you know, there’s a simple way of communicating that you want to submit and end the match: you slap the mat multiple times. This is commonly known as tapping out. SID SLAPS THE MAT TWICE. However that doesn’t count despite the referee looking straight at him and being maybe 5 inches from Sid’s tapping hand.

Benoit is TICKED as Sid stands up while the hold is still on and drags Benoit to the ropes. Remember the hold is on and Sid is on his feet. Gee it’s a good thing his legs are in such great shape isn’t it? Benoit goes up, Swan Dive misses and Sid casually moves out of the way and then snaps off a powerbomb with his arm and knee being just fine as he wins the US Title. Benoit would get the TV Title the next night and a WWF contract four months later as a result.

Rating: F. This stands for failure, because that’s what this was. First and foremost let me make this clear: Benoit did nothing wrong here. Not a thing. His psychology was good (take the big man off his feet), his offense was good (variety of attacks), his emotion was good, everything he did made sense and worked fine.

Then on the other hand we have Sid. This is the epitome of the problem with WCW and arguably the main reason they went under: Sid could have gone out there and tap danced for the 12 minutes this match had while Benoit put on the wrestling clinic of a lifetime and Sid’s push would have continued while Benoit would have been pushed back down the card. The reason for this being that Sid has been decided to be one of the “it” guys. He’s 39 here (Benoit was 32), he will not sell the knee making Benoit more or less a pointless jobber here, and he can’t do anything special in the ring at all.

And yet he’s going to get pushed. Why is that you ask? Because someone in WCW decided he would with no reason other than Sid gets pushed. Benoit was put in the list of people that weren’t getting pushed and that was that. So in other words, there’s no point for the young guys to try hard because it’s not going to get them anywhere. Sid of course would go on to be pushed even harder, winning the world title in January while Benoit thankfully left for the WWF. This match is a lot sadder than it sounds because Benoit is trying but Sid just won’t cooperate, which makes his push all the stupider.

We recap DDP vs. Goldberg with Page as the heel, working with the original Jersey Triad. Page beat Goldberg with a chair and that’s about it.

Goldberg vs. Diamond Dallas Page

This is more or less a midcard match because Goldberg had his time so it’s time for the REAL draws in the form of old Sting and old Hogan to run things here. So just to be clear here, Goldberg is 32 years old and has one loss against roughly 240 wins in his WCW career. He’s ridiculously popular and here he is in a midcard feud. Seriously, I want to know: how did WCW make money at one point?

The referee checks them for objects and finds a chain on Page. Page shoves the referee away and drops a roll of half dollars. Ok that was funny. Page is knocked to the floor quickly and comes back in for a feeling out process, only to get knocked all over the place for his efforts. Page is knocked to the floor again as it doesn’t seem like they know what their plan is here, which is unheard of for a Page match.

Page gets a shot in as Goldberg comes in again but can’t get the Diamond Cutter. Powerslam gets no cover for Goldberg. Page pulls out a third object which the referee didn’t find to hammer Billy Boy in the head and take over. The fans LOUDLY chant for Goldberg and pop even louder when he gets in some punches. Page drills him with the object again and the referee is cool with it I guess.

Off to the chinlock on the mat as Page cheats even more which this referee somehow still can’t see. I know the joke is that they’re blind but how can you manage to believe this isn’t being seen? Goldberg Goldbergs Up and even hits a big boot to complete the joke. Page gets a horrible jumping tornado DDT to get two and break the momentum though which is kind of surprising actually.

Another weapon shot sets up a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Here’s the rest of the Triad to cheat and that doesn’t work. Spear and Jackhammer end this like three seconds later. Oh and the last weapon shot made Goldberg legit bleed from the neck. Freaking ow man. Well at least it’s over I guess.

Rating: D. Remember when Page was one of the most awesome things in the world and more or less couldn’t be beaten? This is nothing like that. Page as a heel is awful, especially when he’s getting destroyed by someone like Goldberg. This was a weak match all around and no one bought that Page had a chance at all, which he didn’t.

We recap Sting vs. Hogan. Hogan says he’s a new man (despite being the old version of him) and then Luger says he has proof that Hogan is lying through his teeth. There was a Hummer that was trying to run Nash over a few months earlier and no one knew who was driving it (despite Sting being seen in the driver’s seat of it at one point) so Luger says it was Hogan (despite this Hummer being white and the original one being black). This would go nowhere, despite it being implied that Sid was revealed as the driver earlier in the year. It would be touched on AGAIN in April when it was implied it was Bischoff driving.

Anyway, Sting was found out cold on the floor and Luger blamed Hogan, despite Hogan swearing it wasn’t him. This is actually a lot more like the angle in 1995 that got dropped because Hogan got bored with it I guess and went back to fighting the Dungeon of Doom and the Horsemen until Hall debuted. Not that it matters or anything but Buffer takes forever to do an intro and I need something to pass the time.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is champion and is in red and yellow while Sting is kind of a tweener. They shake hands before the match and you can feel Sting’s heel turn coming. Here’s Bret before the match starts, wanting to wish them luck. He couldn’t do this as they come past the Gorilla Position? He actually leaves without doing anything. Thanks for wasting about two minutes there Bret.

They lock up on the ropes and the referee has to split them up. Hogan grabs a rollup for one. They actually wrestle a bit, blowing the minds of everyone. It’s slow but it’s not horrible I guess. Hogan takes him into the corner and strikes away a lot in a variety of methods. A pair of elbow drops gets two. Hogan gets a suplex which is no sold by Sting.

They hit the floor and it’s Hogan in control still. Why do I have a feeling this is Bound For Glory this year (2011)? He takes Sting down and drops more elbows, only for Sting to send him into the railing to take over. Back into the ring and Hogan hits a belly to back suplex for two. Off to a surfboard as Sting is in some trouble here. There’s an abdominal stretch to crank up the difficulty.

There’s a back rake by Hogan as this is going so slowly and no one in the building believes there’s going to be a clean ending. Ten punches in the corner set up some biting of Sting’s cranial area. Sting gets a cross body for two. A pair of Stinger Splashes hit out of nowhere but the third one misses and it’s Hulk Up time.

He hits the big boot and leg but here’s DDP to deck the referee and Diamond Cut Hogan, which only gets two. Diamond Cutter for the referee and Hogan stares DDP down but here’s Bret Hart to take out Page. Everyone but Hogan goes to the floor and here’s Sid who is sent out quickly. Luger is here with a ball bat but Hogan gets him too. Sting gets the bat and Hogan says Luger was the one. Sting drills Hogan with the bat to a huge face pop and the Scorpion gives Sting the win over the unconscious Hogan. That was supposed to be a heel turn but the standing ovation seems to make that feel like a failure.

Rating: D. They tried to wrestle and then proved why they shouldn’t be doing that. The whole thing didn’t work for the most part and the heel turn at the end was downright hilarious because no one wanted Sting as a heel. The people flat out aren’t going to boo him and it’s a waste of time to get them to try. This was another example of WCW having no idea what to do with the world title and it failing completely. This went nowhere and Sting would lose the title next month.

Overall Rating: F. Failure on all levels here as there weren’t any good matches, the ending sucked for the most part and they managed to bury an entire group in one night. Anyway, this whole show didn’t work, much like the entirety of 1999. The company was more or less dead at this point so they were trying whatever they could to make things work, such as turning Sting heel, which wasn’t going to work at all. Anyway, horrible show, much like the rest of the year was.

 

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In Your House 9: International Incident
Date: July 21, 1996
Location: General Motors Place, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
Attendance: 14,804

We’re a month removed from KOTR 96 here where three things happened. #1, Shawn pinned Bulldog clean to retain the title, so that’s out of the way. Second, Mankind beat Taker clean by knockout. The Mandible Claw is now one of the most feared moves in the company as it actually beat Taker. That was huge at the time. The most important and by far most famous thing though was Austin won the King of the Ring tournament.

While that is pretty much forgotten, his victory speech featured the debut of one of the most famous catchphrases of all time. He had beaten Jake Roberts in the final. Roberts had been using a preacher gimmick at the time, so Austin had this to say. For those of you that haven’t seen this before, watch it now. This is required viewing for wrestling fans

And there you have it. The catchphrase that sold a million t-shirts is born. Austin rode that one line to the second biggest career in company history. He carried the WWF on his shoulders through their darkest days, and I don’t care who says otherwise, they’re wrong and I’ll argue that all day and never lose. Austin carried the WWF, and his persona was born on that night. His time would come, but at the moment it wasn’t quite there yet.

However, and dang I’m getting goose bumps thinking about this, that line where he said he didn’t care who you were or what you did, he was coming for you, would result in the return of Bret Hart, and the absolute best feud I’d seen in years would start at Survivor Series.

Oh and Ahmed won the IC Title that night too.

This show might as well be called Summerslam Pre-Show. That’s all it is: a PPV build up to Summerslam. Your main event is a 6-man tag, with Camp Cornette vs. Shawn and his two face partners. The original team was Shawn, Ahmed and Warrior Warrior Warrior. However, Triple W decided to bail, for various reasons depending on what story you want to believe.

Either way, he’s gone and was replaced by Sid. Other than that, this show is designed to build for the second Mankind vs. Undertaker showdown at Summerslam. The card here is one of the weakest of the entire series and perhaps the worst period. This should have been a Raw based on the look of it, but let’s give it a chance.

Your opening video is………bad. All it consists of is a recap of the free for all which was Shawn’s manager Jose Lathario beating up Cornette but then Vader running in to beat him up. Shawn got there before it happened though. There’s no talking on this and if you didn’t know who these people were you would have no clue what was going on. Apparently if Cornette’s team loses he’s promised all of the crowd a refund so we have the ending of the main event sealed.

Free For All: Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs. Savio Vega

Yes that Bradshaw. This was back when the pre show meant something. You’d get an exclusive match with the regular commentators doing the talking. It really did a good job of getting you in the mood for the main show which is something that is severely lacking in today’s stuff as all you get is a recap. Back in my day your preshow often had something that would play a role later on in the PPV itself, so you had to make sure you saw this show.

We actually get a recap of this mini-feud as they’ve met twice before. It is so weird to see JBL with blonde hair past his shoulders. He’s actually fatter than he was in his last run. Vega with a boot that almost hit Bradshaw and we wouldn’t want that to happen. There’s not much here as it’s really similar to a pre Raw dark match.

That’s fine really though as it’s only meant to warm up the crowd. Neither guy was anything more than a jobber at this point so no one is really interested. Bradshaw wins after his manager Uncle Zebekiah holds Savio’s leg down. Post match they beat Savio down.

Rating: C. Yes it’s boring and nothing special, but it wasn’t on PPV so what do you really want here? It’s a free match to get the crowd in the mood a bit. Based on that, it was fine for what it was. Nothing bad, just nothing good.

Bodydonnas vs. Smoking Gunns

This is non title for some reason. Sunny has jumped to the Gunns now as they’re the tag champions. To say that she looks hot as a cowgirl is like saying Norcal has a bit of muscle. She’s a goddess out there and she knows it. The cutoff shorts are amazing on her.

The crowd is so dead for this match and all they care about is Sunny. Apparently Jake Roberts can’t wrestle tonight, which I think is storyline. Lawler takes another jab at Roberts’ alcohol problems, which was a storyline that I’ve never been quite comfortable with. Ross mentions the “attitude changes” of the Gunns, which is code for heel turn. Roberts was supposed to face Mankind so he’s been replaced by Henry Godwinn. Well that’s a great thing indeed.

Ross says it’ll be a rugged match, which translates into: “We know it’s going to suck, but the show is 20 dollars so get over it.” Vince says that while the Bodydonnas are the quickest team in the company, which is probably true, the Godwinns are equally quick. Even JR asks if Vince meant the Godwinns and in a fairly stern voice, Vince says he did indeed mean the Godwinns.

That makes no sense and you can hear JR is confused, as I am, by that statement. Anyway, something is wrong with Sunny as she collapses. It’s a fake obviously as the Gunns use it to cheat. The Gunns have taken over but I’m more interested in an Urkel rerun on Nick at Nite. The Gunns try the World’s Greatest Tag Team move with Billy trying to jump over Bart who is holding his opponent’s legs while his throat is on the rope.

They botch it though as Billy can’t jump high enough. That’ makes me laugh. This match is running long here as it’s losing any steam that it had in the first place. I think the Bodydonnas are faces here but I’m really not sure. Apparently they had a manager that they fired to signify this, but it’s not sticking that well. Something is going on in the crowd as the fans are far more interested in that than they are in this match. The Gunns lose off of a missile dropkick from the top.

In the back we have Camp Cornette who is mad about Lathario’s actions earlier, claiming it was like a gang assault. Owen has a cast on his hand for some reason and Diana isn’t going to be in the corner tonight because it’s no place for a lady. Thanks for wasting 80 seconds of our time.

Mankind vs. Henry Godwinn

Yeah it’s a squash. Godwinn was a modern day Hillbilly Jim (that was his manager) but a bit more serious. However, no one believed he had a chance here. Foley was at his all time strangest here as there was never anyone like Mankind in wrestling prior to this.

The guy was just OUT there. He’d hit himself, pull chunks of his hair out and randomly scream. He was one of the few wrestlers that legitimately scared me as a kid. He beat the Undertaker who was one of my favorites and the mark in me was terrified of him being world champion. Anyway, there’s very little here. Godwinn pounds on him and nothing happens. Eventually Mankind gets the claw and Godwinn is out cold. This was nothing.

Rating: C. Boring, but it got the job done. Mankind looks like even more of an unstoppable monster and that’s exactly what he was supposed to do. When he was in a team, Godwinn was ok. On his own, he was pretty boring.

Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero

The announcers put Austin over as being a huge star and they couldn’t be more right. Them calling him technically sound amuses me as I know what’s coming. For those of you that don’t know, before Austin hurt his neck he was a totally different style of wrestler. He even came off the top rope a few times. They try to push Mero as the same thing and I just shake my head. Not everyone can be a star Vince.

This match is a rematch from the KOTR semis where Mero got beat by Austin, but during a rollup legitimately kicked Austin in the mouth and busted him open. Seeing Austin with writing on his tights is just odd to see. Sable’s hotness really should be illegal. She’s just gorgeous. This match is moving pretty slowly and I think that’s for the best. Austin’s style at the time was a more methodical one and that’s what you’re getting here.

You’re really starting to see some of the flashes of Austin’s signature style coming on here. He’s stomping a lot, turning really fast with his arms at his side, etc. Austin actually goes for a springboard move. He had a bulldog but runs at the corner to walk up them. He got reversed, but it was still amazing to see him attempt it and make it look good.

During the match, Marlena and the Usher come to ringside and hand King a letter or something. They leave with nothing really happening so that was kind of odd. Mero is just bland. His gimmick was that he was supposed to be wild, but that pretty much consisted of a lot of flips over the ropes and punches.

He was ok, but he was just out of his league here. Austin back then was one of those guys that you could just see something special in. You knew he was going to break through the glass ceiling soon and the only question was when would it happen? Anyway, Austin wins with the stunner, minus the kick.

Rating: B-. This match was designed to do one thing and one thing only: build up Austin. That’s exactly what it did too. Austin was the star in this match and did most of the work in it. He never was in any real trouble other than for a few seconds and he looked dominant over a guy that was a solid midcarder at the time. Good little match and it pushed Austin even harder by giving him another win to add to the pile.

Undertaker vs. Goldust

This feud just will never die will it? I can’t believe this thing has been going over four months and I literally don’t remember a single match they had. We get a recap of what this feud has been, which is more or less Taker beating the living tar out of Goldust but never getting the IC Title, until Mankind debuts and beats on Taker some too. That leads us here, somehow.

Of course, we get the endless stall from Goldust before the match starts and the insanely long entrance from Taker to fill in more PPV time. After about 5 minutes of stalling, Taker beats the living tar out of him. It’s a pure beatdown with very little from Goldust at all other than running from Taker. I really don’t get the point to these matches. We all know Taker is dominant and is going to crush Goldust, so why have them?

Apparently he’s more aggressive this time though so he won’t get beaten up as badly. Why do I have a feeling that won’t do anything at all to help him? The movie references are already rolling but they’re not as funny this time from Lawler.

Holy crap Taker used a small package, and a decent one at that. After about 10 minutes of Taker beating on Goldust, he hits the tombstone. However, as the referee is stalling to get to the finish, Mankind pops out of the ring (literally) and gets the claw on him.

The lights flicker but there’s no Taker as Mankind looks into the hole. Taker pops out of another hole and fights Mankind back to the locker room. As the announcers talk while the ring is repaired, we cut to the back where Mankind and Taker are fighting in the boiler room. That’s your foreshadowing to Summerslam I guess.

Rating: C-. This was what we had seen for four months now and still it’s not entertaining. Why Goldust is what I don’t get. He had no connection to Taker. No one remembers this feud for some reason. The whole point of this match was to have Taker and Mankind continue their feud so that’s fine, but it just was a stale feud by this point.

In the back, Goldust is quoting movie lines while stroking Mankind’s hair while he calls Goldust’s wig mommy. It’s stranger than it sounds. They talk about the Undertaker, I think.

Camp Cornette vs. People’s Posse

Yes that’s what they were going by. Pre match we hear from the faces who say your basic face things. Shawn comes out first for some reason. As he’s coming to the ring, one of the barricades breaks and the fans fall into the aisle. Shawn keeps smiling though as clearly no one was hurt. One of the kids runs up and hugs him. Shawn is professional and hugs him back so that’s good to see.

Sid has been turned face for some reason now. This can best be described as three matches in one: Shawn vs. Vader, Ahmed vs. Bulldog and Ahmed vs. Owen. Sid is just kind of along for the ride, which isn’t his fault. He was thrown into this thing a week ago with no real storyline at all.

This match gets some decent time at over twenty minutes which should be a requirement for more than four people in a match. You have ample time to get all the feuds in and everyone has enough time to face everyone at least once. It’s kind of like an orgy: if you don’t get a sample of everyone, then it’s kind of a waste of time. You may be more partial to one person, but you need to sample them all.

This is a very solid match. While I never have been a fan of tags like this to close a PPV, this is one of the best I can remember seeing. Shawn, the best in the match, is in the ring more than anyone. He flows very well with all three men which is saying a lot as they’re all very different styles. Ahmed is barely ever in, which means that they at least know he’s terrible in the ring.

You get a lot of back and forth action with the heels dominating most of the match but the faces making the last minute save before things get too terrible. They hammer each other the entire match and it’s quite physical. You get combinations of all 6 guys which is always fun.

Cornette panicking at every near fall is just great as he fakes heart attacks like no one else ever could. This show really was better at building up Summerslam as Smith and Sid have a lot of time together here and they would meet next month.

Shawn and Vader of course would go on to headline Summerslam in a month in a showdown for the title. That of course is your ending here, as Shawn is setting for the kick but Cornette grabs his foot. Splash in the corner, Vader Bomb and the pinfall. The crowd and the announcers are stunned to say the least.

Post match, the faces clear the ring and Shawn jumps Vader before they all pose. Poor sportsmanship there. He got beat clean.

Rating: B. Very fun match that did its job. It built up for next month and it made people believe Shawn was vulnerable. It got the time that it needed and nothing felt rushed. Very well done match, but at the same time, this was the main event of the PPV. It’s by far the best match, but that’s not saying much.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is bad, like really bad. It’s five matches: a non title match, three glorified squashes and a good main event. There’s little of interest throughout the whole show and there was no reason at all for this to be a PPV. I could easily see this being a Raw.

Now I’m known to be a fan of this concept, but this was completely unnecessary. No need for a PPV here at all, and it showed. There is no thought, there is no effort, there is nothing at all to this show. Complete recommendation to avoid.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Note that this was written over three years ago.  I was brand new at this and this would be one of the first thirty or so reviews that I had ever done.

 

In Your House 1: Mother’s Day Mayhem/Premiere
Date: May 14, 1995
Location: Onondaga War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Doc Hendrix

This would be the equivalent of Backlash today as we are just over a month removed from WM 11. This show was actually only 15 dollars and therefore got the highest buyrate of all 28 of the shows. Your big match here is Sid, Shawn’s former bodyguard against Diesel, Shawn’s other former bodyguard and the reigning WWF Champion.

You know, I have never gotten the point in wrestlers having bodyguards. If they’re big time contenders as Shawn was during this time, shouldn’t he be able to take care of himself? Anyway, your other big feud was Bam Bam Bigelow against the Million Dollar Corporation which for some reason was a video exclusive. This was a strange time for the company and the business as a whole as the ratings were weak to put it mildly.

WM 11 had done a lot to get the company in the news again and this was their way to get fans on the fence into the tent. I haven’t seen this show other than maybe once since it aired, so let’s take a look and see if it was as good as it is remembered as. Also, due to the far shorter cards, I’ll only be posting one match and at most two per show.

Standard recap package begins, and I almost forgot: the name for this show came from the idea that the company was actually giving away a house in Orlando to a randomly selected fan. It was actually a really nice house. Cool idea. The set is like a house and the wrestlers come in like they’re coming in through the garage.

Bret Hart vs. Hakushi

Interesting backstory here as Bret had been given an award for being the people’s favorite wrestler, but Jerry Lawler, whom Bret had been feuding on and off with for nearly two years at this time, said that Bret made sure that Japanese votes weren’t counted and called Bret a racist (none of that happened so don’t panic Bret fans).

Bret was then given another award from the Japanese media, but as this was happening, Hakushi attacked him, setting up this match. Hakushi’s manager is named Shinja and he sports a white suit and face paint, making him look sweet.

Bret says that Hakushi is going to break Hakushi’s undefeated streak. He also dedicates this match to his Mother, saying he’s coming for Lawler after this.

Bret looks extra greasy tonight so you know this is a special show. Hakushi has characters written all over his body making him look like a walking menu for some reason. Hendrix’s jokes never made a lot of sense. The fans of course chant USA as we have a Japanese wrestler vs. a Canadian wrestler.

This is Bret at his best: getting beaten up and making his opponents look like a million bucks. Hakushi uses what will later become known as the Bronco Buster in something that is just a tad weird. Hakushi’s style is similar to cruiserweights so at the time, he was amazing. Now he’s still good, but nowhere near as spectacular as he used to be. Crowd is hot as Bret avoids a slingshot splash and makes his comeback.

During his five moves of doom, Bret throws in a random bulldog. Unexpected but it certainly breaks up the monotony. I like that. This keeps going though as it’s being given time and is turning into something good. We even get the Asai Moonsault that is nothing short of sweetness. Crowd is going nuts as they trade a rollup sequence that ends in Bret scoring the pin!

We get a very random fireworks display as Bret celebrates. Fireworks for an opening match, seriously? As Bret leaves the ring he apparently twists his knee. Doc Hendrix has such a fine wrestling mind that not only can he see this before it happens but also in the dark at a terrible camera angle. Remember that knee as it comes into play later in the show.

Rating: B. Solid match here. While not a classic, it had the crowd lit up and was very fast paced. These two had chemistry together and it really was a fun match. Excellent way to get the show going and get the crowd into it.

Oh yeah I forgot: Lawler had an open contract with Bret, meaning he could face him anytime he wanted. Bret had agreed to wrestle twice tonight, but now he has a hurt knee.

The house giveaway is hyped by some female interviewer. They show a fake video of an armored car with a police escort bringing the contest entries in earlier in the day. Surprisingly enough, this woman isn’t very annoying. I don’t know what to say.

Jeff Jarrett/Roadie vs. Razor Ramon

This was supposed to be a tag with 1-2-3 Kid involved but he legitimately hurt his neck, so this is what we got in its place. Jarrett is IC Champion here and Roadie means almost nothing. 1-2-3 Kid is on the phone which is surprising as I’d think it’s past his bedtime. Quick promo from Razor saying it’s always been 2-1 but for the first time it’s an advertised handicap match.

 

Scratch the quick part as he won’t shut up. Razor is introduced as the opponent of Jarrett and Roadie. Doc says this is the first handicap match on WWF PPV ever. Really? Are you sure about that? I haven’t put much thought into it but that would really surprise me.

 

The heels try to crowd Razor to start but Roadie goes to the apron. Roadie hasn’t gotten in the ring at this point, as in this is his first match. That being said all he can really do is punch and kick. In other words he’s more or less at the same talent level that he was at during the height of his career.

 

Fallaway slam takes down Jarrett. Roadie comes in and hits a pretty bad looking clothesline. Again how exactly do you perform a move with authority? And now we stop to dance for no apparent reason. Sunset flip by the incoming Jarrett gets two. The fans get behind Razor but he’s in trouble.

 

Back to Roadie now who is doing pretty well. Razor makes his comeback and goes for the Edge but gets sent over the top rope and down to the floor. Roadie hits a clothesline from the second rope to the floor to take out Razor. He beats the count back in as this has been mostly one sided.

 

We pick up the pace and they slam heads into each other. Aww Razor has Kid written on his boot. That’s so disturbing. A weird looking belly to back suplex from Razor as he more or less fell down. And now we hit the chinlock. The heels are dominating here.

 

Razor manages to take both guys down but Jeff goes after the knee. He escapes though and the Razor’s Edge ends JJ. Vince says Razor has accomplished the impossible. If it’s impossible how did he just do it? Wouldn’t that make it possible? Jarrett goes after the knee again and we have Aldo Montoya of all people come out for the save.

 

His high levels of suck cause him to get beaten up so a “fan” comes in and makes the save again. This would be one Savio Vega and of course since he’s just a fan he can beat up the Intercontinental Champion. You know, because that’s common.

Rating: C-. While not bad, it’s nothing great. The ending introduced one of the biggest wastes of space in history to the company with Savio Vega debuting. This more or less ended this feud between Jarrett and Razor save for a house show title exchange between the two.

 

Jarrett left the company about two months later. Not sure what the point is to have Razor pin the champion clean and then do nothing with it.

Lawler wants his match right now, but Jack Tunney (WWF President at the time) won’t allow it.

Video package of Sid’s awesomeness.

KOTR Qualifying Match: Mabel vs. Adam Bomb

And so it began. This was the start of the absolute worst idea in WWF history: pushing Mabel as the company’s top heel. Seriously, what in the world was Vince on when he thought this was a good idea? For those that aren’t familiar with this guy, it’s Big Daddy V, but somehow even less talented and more boring at this time.

Adam Bomb was a weird character who was apparently the product of nuclear experiments gone wrong. Somehow he got WAY over but he was nothing more than a jobber. This guy might get the second biggest pop of the night after only Bret Hart and ahead of Diesel. That’s just a weird thing to hear. This is a squash match but it’s the worst I’ve ever seen.

Here’s your match: Mable jumps Bomb before the bell, Bomb comes back with some explosive (I’ll be here all week) offense and flat out dominates Mabel. It looks like Bomb is squashing him. Mabel lands a spin kick that almost gets high enough to hit Bomb below the belt but Bomb comes back from it.

Mabel catches a cross body and falls on him to pin him, as the commentators talk about how valiant an effort it was by Adam. VALIANT??? He beat the living tar out of Mabel then got hit by one move to lose. How in the world is that valiant?

Rating: F. It’s hard to screw up a squash match and make the guy that is supposed to look dominant look terrible, but if any overrated fat boy can do it, it’s this overrated fat boy. Bomb was decent and got massive pops but instead he gets fed to this monster in a squash. Seriously, how good were the drugs Vince must have been on at this time? This led to Mabel winning the KOTR and getting a world title shot at Summerslam 95, which still just leaves me shaking my head.

Razor Ramon introduces his new friend Savio Vega.

Lawler again wants his match right now but is turned down one more time.

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/Yokozuna vs. Smoking Gunns

This is a rematch from WM 11. Not really sure if we’re supposed to buy the Gunns as legit challengers or not, but this is just a step or two above a squash. The Gunns get some decent offense in, but at the end of the day they didn’t stand a chance at winning. It only goes about six minutes with Yoko dropping a leg on one of the members of Rednecks R Us allowing Owen to pin him.

Rating: D+. This was nothing at all and was rather boring. With another 5-10 minutes it could have been ok, but given the short time, it was just bad.

Diesel talks about how he lost his mother last Christmas and says happy Mother’s Day. This is oddly kind of sad. Nash evoking emotion? What am I seeing? He says he’s ready for Sid. He gets a laugh out of me by talking about how Sid says he is the master. Nash says he is the walrus, coo coo ca choo. It was so random and out of left field that it was great. Dang, he used to be very good on the mic. What the heck happened to that?

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler does this weird bit where he claims an attractive woman is his mother. Not sure what the point of this was but it didn’t work. In the back, Bret is asked about his knee. He says it’s not April Fool’s Day, but it’ll do. He limps to the ring but as he gets in he reveals he’s just fine and Lawler is scared to death.

This is about four and a half minutes of Bret beating the tar out of Jerry before Shinja runs out and interferes, allowing Hakushi to knock Bret out and Lawler pins him. Bret and Lawler blew off their feud the next month at KOTR, but Hakushi and Bret went nowhere for some reason.

Rating: C. Bret beating on someone was always fun, but the knee injury thing was kind of a waste if this wasn’t the blow off match. Not bad, but kind of a head scratcher.

They announce the house winner.

WWF Title: Diesel vs. Sid

Backstory: After Mania, Shawn fired Sid who beat up Shawn and Diesel made the save. Shawn and Diesel were scheduled for the rematch here but Shawn was hurt, so this is our main event. Bam Bam Bigelow and the Corporation were involved also but I’ll get to that later. DiBiase is revealed as the man behind all this and is in Sid’s corner. Standard big man match here which means it’s nothing that great.

They beat on each other for awhile with Sid of course getting the advantage. Long story short, both land powerbombs but Diesel kicks out. Sid isn’t going to but Tatanka runs out to cause the DQ after the worse powerbomb of all time. Bigelow makes the save and they pose to close out the PPV.

Rating: C+. It’s ok, but it feels like a glorified Raw match, which I suppose is what it was supposed to be. Not bad at all but there was only so much two guys that had identical styles and the same moveset were going to be able to put together. Not bad, but really needed about another 5 minutes to get something good.

Home Video Dark Matches

We get two this time, which is good because so far, this show isn’t that great. However, for 15 dollars, what more do you want? Also that night there was a match taped for Raw three weeks later where the British Bulldog and Owen Hart went to a draw. Why they did a match for almost three weeks later here I’m really not sure. I can’t find an explanation for it, but ok I guess. This match isn’t on the tape.

Undertaker vs. Kama

This was a moderately big feud at the time as Kama had stolen the urn and melted it down into a really ugly chain that he kept around his neck. This match definitely had a purpose and is a great example of the issue with the two hour card as it certainly deserved a place on the card, but there’s absolutely no place to put it.

Kama is more commonly known as the Godfather/Papa Shango, but in this incarnation he’s known as the Supreme Fighting Machine which would be something like a black Kozlov now I guess. He uses a variety of unimpressive submissions and strikes here as this gimmick becomes harder and harder to take seriously.

There’s almost no drama here at all as we’re all expecting Taker to make his comeback. Yep, look, there it is. Taker is coming back, he’s chokeslamming Kama, he’s Tombstoning him, the lights are blue, Taker is posing, the music is playing. I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. It was so unpredictable!

Rating: C-. It’s ok but nothing more. Very formula based match but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Taker in a match like this is as basic as you’re going to get and it worked pretty well I guess. Kama was just flat out bad though as always.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Tatanka

Following the main event, this is academic I suppose. Not much here at all, but it’s pretty good for what it was. About 9-10 minutes with Bigelow’s power helping to balance out the terrible thing that is Tatanka’s offense. It was so generic that it just never got to work right. Bigelow hits a powerbomb kind of thing to win the match.

Rating: C+. Fine for what it was, but not great. These two didn’t work that well together but I’ve seen far worse.

Overall Rating: C. Certainly not a bad show and while there’s only one truly good match, for fifteen dollars this was probably worth getting at the time. It’s nothing great now, but it was a very novel idea that really worked in my mind.

 

A two hour show for half price and you get decent matches? I’d buy it today as I think this would be a great move for WWE. Put shows like Vengeance or the GAB in this format and they instantly go up in value. Not bad, but there were far better versions of it coming.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Wrestlemania XIII
Date: March 23, 1997
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 18,197
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

There’s a very strong case that this is the night where the Attitude Era began. I’m not sure if that’s the case but it beats almost anything else for second place. The alleged main event here is Sid defending the world title against Undertaker but in reality it’s Austin vs. Hart in a battle of the generations in a submission match. The match is a dark horse candidate for the greatest match of all time. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the tradition of Wrestlemania but mentions that there’s a new force in the company. It’s not a person but rather an attitude of vengeance and a lack of respect.

Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Headbangers vs. New Blackjacks

This is under elimination rules and the winner gets a tag title shot tomorrow on Raw. Why not have the title match here and the #1 contenders match earlier is beyond me but the WWF is running scared of WCW at this point so common sense is thrown out the window. The Blackjacks are Barry Windham and Bradshaw. We get some clips of the originals for the sake of old school. The new ones say they’re back and they’ll beat up all the small people.

Naturally it’s a big brawl to start with all eight guys fighting at once. We finally get down to Henry vs. Bradshaw which is a match that has haunted many of my nightmares over the years. A big clothesline puts Bradshaw down and it’s quickly off to Thrasher. Bradshaw still has his vest on. He runs over Thrasher though and there goes the vest. In an interesting bit of strategy, Bradshaw tags in Phineas and then punches him in the face.

Phineas pounds on him a bit more but brings in Mosh to face Thrasher. Jerry makes fun of Vince’s knowledge of rock music, saying Vince’s favorite rock band is Mount Rushmore. After some slam dancing for lack of a better term, it’s off to LaFaon who gets caught in a double flapjack for two. That doesn’t last long as it’s off to Furnas vs. Windham with the former hitting a quick rana for two. Windham hits a kind of powerbomb to take over but Bradshaw comes in and helps his partner beat down LaFon.

With the help of his partner, Bradshaw suplexes Phil out to the floor. The four members of the two teams head to the floor where Bradshaw shoves the referee and LaFon and Furnas are counted out, giving us two eliminations. So we’ve got the Headbangers vs. the Godwinns now and Thrasher gets to be in trouble first. It’s pretty clear that Vince has no idea which of the Headbangers is which.

Thrasher starts to fight back so he and Phineas spit on each other. Vince implies that Phineas is into bestiality which is an image I really didn’t need. Off to Mosh vs. Henry but a clothesline by the Godwinn puts both guys out on the floor. Mosh gets back in as Henry is only on the apron, allowing the Headbanger to hit a springboard clothesline to take Henry back down. Lawler keeps up the rock music jokes by saying Vince thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new burger at McDonald’s.

Thrasher misses a moonsault and it’s off to Mosh vs. Phineas again. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Thrasher but Mosh makes the save. Everything breaks down and a top rope seated senton by Mosh is enough for the pin on Phineas to send the Headbangers to Raw.

Rating: C-. This shows you where the tag division was at this point. There were indeed several teams fighting over the titles but that doesn’t always make for an interesting series of matches in the division. The Headbangers were different but not a great team at all and the Godwinns were WAY past their expiration date at this point. Not much to see here but it was fast paced.

In Your House ad.

CALL THE HOTLINE!!!

Honky Tonk Man is here, still looking for his new protege. He’ll be doing commentary for the next match.

Intercontinental Title: Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan

Maivia is defending. Sultan is more famous as Rikishi and has Bob Backlund and Iron Sheik in his corner. Lawler tells Honky not to pick Rocky for his protege because there’s no future there. So much for the Memphis school system. Rocky starts off fast and knocks Sultan out to the floor. The managers try to calm the big man down but Rocky goes after him, only to wind up clotheslining the post.

Back in and Sultan runs him over with a clothesline of his own. He throws Rocky into the corner by the throat and hits another clothesline for two. Off to a nerve hold as Honky rants about how he already would have defended the title and been in the back combing his hair. Sultan goes up and hits a top rope headbutt for no cover. So we have a Samoan portraying an Arabian but hitting a headbutt to another Samoan. I’m so racially confused.

Rocky tries a sunset flip but Sultan grabs him by the throat to block. A belly to belly gets two and we hit the chinlock. The fans are very restless with this and rightly think it’s boring. Rocky fights up but they clothesline each other to stop things from getting interesting. Sultan starts pounding away again but Rocky starts feeling the soul and makes his comeback.

Maivia snaps off some punches to Sultan and gets two off a belly to belly suplex. The spinning DDT that Rocky doesn’t use anymore puts Sultan down and there’s his top rope cross body (finisher at the time) but the Sheik has the referee. Sultan gets up and hits a superkick for a very close two. A piledriver gets another two count for Sultan but Rocky grabs a rollup out of nowhere for the retaining pin.

Rating: D+. This got better by the end but man alive was it dull for the most part. It just kept going and Sultan didn’t have enough enough to make a match like this work. Rocky would get WAY better and the jump he’s made since Survivor Series to this point is remarkable. The fans would start to hate him though, which wound up being exactly what he needed all along.

Post match Rocky is doing an interview with JR when Sultan jumps him from behind. Sheik, Sultan and Backlund all beat on Maivia until Rocky Johnson, Rocky’s dad, comes in to help fight them off. Cool moment but I don’t think most people knew who Johnson was.

Ken Shamrock, the guest referee in the submission match, says that he’ll call it down the middle. He’s here because he’s a submission master, which he actually was as a former UFC World Champion.

Doc Hendrix (with a LOUD echo on his mic) is with HHH and Chyna. HHH doesn’t think his relationship with Chyna is any of Doc’s business.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

This feud just kept GOING for months on end. Goldust crouches down and does his mind game schtick before pounding away on HHH. This is a very personal rivalry apparently. What the rivalry is about isn’t important enough to explain. Goldie pounds away in the corner and hits a fast atomic drop before sending HHH to the floor. HHH is on the apron so Goldust can slide under the ropes and hit his uppercut.

Now the not yet Game is tied up in the ropes with his feet dangling over the floor. After he’s freed, Goldust clotheslines him back inside but gets caught in the facebuster to slow things down. That doesn’t last long though as Goldust powerslams HHH down and goes up top. HHH comes back though and crotches the gold one before sending him off the top and face first into the apron.

Back in and HHH is in control, ripping open Goldust’s clothes to chop at the bare chest. A hard whip into the other corner puts Goldust down again and there’s a swinging neckbreaker for two. Off to an abdominal stretch by HHH which goes off to an arm trap chinlock. Helmsley grabs a few covers but can’t keep Goldust down for three. Goldie comes back with a near low blow and an uppercut to the face.

Not that any of that matters though as HHH comes right back with a suplex and knee drop for two. Goldust is like MOVIE REFERENCES and chops away in the corner but HHH knocks him right back down. A small package gets two for Goldust but HHH takes over again almost immediately. Goldie comes back with a cross body for two but they hit head to head to put both guys down. HHH goes up top but jumps into a flying…shall we say hip attack from Goldust to put him back down.

Chyna keeps staring at the ring without moving much more than her eyes. HHH misses a charge into the corner and gets put down by a backdrop. Goldust’s bulldog gets two as Chyna starts walking around the ring. HHH escapes the Curtain Call (reverse suplex) but Goldust counters the counter into a slingshot. He loads up the Curtain Call again but sees Chyna near Marlena. Marlena jumps up on the apron but Goldust is knocked into her, sending Marlena into Chyna’s arms. The Pedigree ends Goldie quickly.

Rating: C-. This was higher quality but it was still dull stuff. This was a REALLY bad period for HHH as he wasn’t having interesting matches and wasn’t in DX yet to let him be funny either. That combines to make him like a 12 year old hitting on girls: awkward, not interesting, and more laughable than effective. Nothing to see here, as usual with these two.

Shawn Michaels tries to figure out AOL.

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Mankind/Vader

Owen/Bulldog are defending and have to deal with Paul Bearer managing the challengers. JR tries to cause trouble among the tag champions by asking Bulldog if he’s mad over Owen saying he’s smarter than Bulldog. Bulldog is also European Champion here, having beaten Owen for it a few weeks ago in a masterpiece. Owen and Vader start things off with the Canadian getting pounded down into the corner by the monster.

Hart tries to speed things up and actually takes Vader down with a spinwheel kick. A cross body is easily caught though and a rana is countered into a powerbomb. The idea here is that Vader and Mankind could have problems with Bulldog but they can beat up Owen with relative ease. Vader loads up the Bomb which draws in Bulldog and Mankind. Bulldog clotheslines the monsters down and Owen dropkicks them both down to one up his partner.

It’s Bulldog vs. Mankind now with the Brit stomping away in the corner. There’s the delayed vertical but Vader won’t even let Bulldog cover. Bulldog casually slams/suplexes Vader down to show off a little bit. It’s back to Mankind vs. Bulldog with Mankind being put in a chinlock. Mankind fights up and throws him to the floor where Bearer hands him the Urn. Bulldog trips him down though to avoid the shot, only to have Vader get the Urn and blast Bulldog in the back of the head to shift control.

Back in and Vader hits a suplex on Bulldog for two before pounding away in the corner. A corner splash crushes the British one and a middle rope splash (regular, not Vader Bomb style) only gets two. That’s a surprise and it earns a Bulldog chant. Mankind comes in but can’t get the Mandible Claw on. Instead he pounds Bulldog down into the corner and hits a running knee to the head. Instead of covering, Mankind goes to the floor and screams a bit. You know, because that’s what he does.

Vader runs Bulldog over again but as he goes up, Bulldog flips him over in a kind of release slam. Back to Owen who comes in with a missile dropkick to take Vader back down. A top rope cross body gets two but Vader CRUSHES him with a standing body block. The challengers hit a kind of Demolition Decapitator off the apron to the floor. That move put Rick Martel out for about seven months in 1988 but here it keeps Owen down for about six seconds. Now THAT is toughness.

Stu and Helen are in the front row as Mankind chokes away at Owen. Back in and Owen grabs a DDT out of desperation but a splash hits knees to slow him down again. Mankind charges at Owen but they hit heads to put both guys down. We actually hear about The Wrestling Classic for no apparent reason. Vader comes back in to box Owen’s ears but Hart escapes a suplex and hits a quick spin kick for two. Out to the floor again where Owen hits a quick belly to belly on Mankind before they head back inside.

The enziguri puts Mankind down and there’s the hot tag to Bulldog. Vader loses his mask as Bulldog beats on both challengers. Mankind is still legal and gets whipped HARD into the corner. There’s the powerslam but Mankind grabs the Claw to escape. Everything breaks down and Mankind and Bulldog go to the floor. Mankind puts on the Claw and it’s a double countdown.

Rating: B-. That might be overrating it but after an hour of boring stuff, this was a nice breath of air. The story here was shaky but it worked well enough all things considered. I’m not sure why this match happened as I don’t remember any build up to it at all and with a #1 contenders match earlier in the night, I really don’t get why this match happened. Still though, not bad stuff.

Mankind refuses to let go of the hold.

We recap Bret vs. Austin which is the real main event of this show. So Bret was all awesome and such but after losing the title at Wrestlemania last year, Bret took six months off to whine. Then he came back and felt that he kept getting screwed over by everyone from Shawn to Austin to Vince (nah that could never happen). Austin was leading the charge of disrespect by saying Bret was just a crybaby anymore. This led to a masterpiece between Austin and Bret that made everyone realize Austin was for real and the next big thing.

Hart barely won but he kept snapping and even hit Pat Patterson, the symbol of respect and tradition. This led to the Royal Rumble where Bret had the match won and eliminated Austin, only to have Austin sneak back in and win the match. A month later Bret won the vacant world title, only to have Austin cost him the belt the next night on Raw. This all led up to here and a submission match with the theme of a submission master vs. a guy that will not quit.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

This is a submission match and Ken Shamrock is guest referee. Austin has actual glass shatter as he enters which is rather cool. He gets cheered but Bret gets something resembling a mixed reaction. Austin tackles him down to start and the fight is on immediately. They head to the floor with neither guy being able to get an advantage. Austin gets posted but he manages to crotch Bret on the barricade. Bret gets clotheslined into the crowd as this is all action so far.

Bret gets in a few shots in the audience and Shamrock is right with them. Presumably this is falls count anywhere. Bret gets in a solid right hand but Austin grabs him for a piledriver. Hart counters with a backdrop and they head back towards the ring. Back to ringside and Bret dives off the barricade with a forearm to the back. Austin comes right back by whipping Hart into the steps to put him down again.

Steve hits a forearm off the apron before picking up the steps. Bret kicks him in the ribs though and the steps might have crushed Austin’s leg. As they get back in the ring (remember that thing?) Bret guillotines Austin on the top rope to take over again. Bret cranks on the leg and cannonballs down on it ala Flair. More cranking ensues and Hart wants him to get up. Bret misses another cannonball and Austin ERUPTS with a clothesline to put both guys down.

We get some foreshadowing by Lawler when he says you can’t give up when you’re unconscious. Hart comes back with a kick to the leg and throws on the Figure Four around the post. Bret goes to get the bell but switches over to a chair. That one has too much padding on it though so he gets a regular chair to Pillmanize the ankle with. The fans are getting WAY into this. Bret goes up top but Austin crotches him and CRACKS him with the chair.

Another big chair shot to the back sets up a suplex as Hart is in big trouble all of a sudden. A middle rope elbow from Austin hits Bret as JR is in full on JR mode, including a few jabs at WCW (“This isn’t about posing or covering a bald spot!”). Austin this another Bret move in the Russian legsweep followed by a reverse Koji Clutch (as in he cranks on the arm while wrapping his leg around Bret’s head. That’s a bit too complicated for Austin though so there’s a Boston Crab instead.

Bret makes a rope because in a war like this, let’s make sure we follow the rules. Austin loads up a Sharpshooter (he has no idea how to get it on) but Austin escapes. Steve fires him through the ropes and to the floor. Bret comes back and reverses a whip into the barricade while running over a few people in the process. Austin is bleeding and it’s a GUSHER. Bret sends him into the steps and pounds away at the cut as we head back inside.

Hart pounds away even harder at Austin’s forehead before hitting the Five Moves of Doom. Bret gets the chair as Vince says this is becoming too much to watch. Hart drives the chair into the leg over and over again but he can’t get the Sharpshooter again. The mat is covered in blood. Austin comes back with a low blow but he can barely stand up. He whips Bret chest first into the corner and here comes the Rattlesnake. Austin stomps the mudhole in Bret and the double bird gets a big reaction from the fans.

Austin puts Bret on top and superplexes him back down. You can’t see Austin’s forehead from all the blood. Since nothing else works, Austin goes to the floor and gets the electrical cable to choke Bret out. Hart grabs the bell from somewhere though and blasts Austin in the head, knocking him silly. Now the Sharpshooter goes on and the place goes NUTS. Austin’s head is on the mat and you can see the blood pooling up under him. That is SICK.

The crowd starts chanting for Austin and we get one of the most famous shot in company history as Austin screams into the camera with blood flowing down his face. He gets one last rush of adrenaline to push up and break the Sharpshooter for the first time ever. Well kind of as he gets Bret off his back but couldn’t break the grip. Bret gets the hold back on but Austin will not quit. Austin is out cold and Shamrock finally stops it. Austin never gave up.

Rating: A+. This is the highest rating a match can get. If there was a higher rating, this match would get that. This is one of the greatest wars you will ever see in a ring with some of the greatest storytelling you’ll ever see either. The idea of Bret being taken out of his element, only to get sucked into Austin’s world where he reaches a point that he’s never been to before but it’s STILL not enough to stop Austin is amazing and works to this day. The key point here: Hart could not stop Austin. He could only slow him down. Absolutely amazing and if you haven’t seen this, go find it right now. Seriously, go watch it now. It’s excellent.

Post match Bret is disgusted with himself but looks at Austin’s lifeless body and gets mad all over again for not being able to make Austin quit. Bret goes after the leg again but Shamrock grabs him and hooks a kind of suplex to get Hart off. Shamrock says let’s go if you want to but Bret backs down and leaves. The fans GO OFF on Bret as Austin is trying to remember what planet he’s on. A referee comes out to check on him and gets a Stunner for his troubles. Austin walks out on his own power and gets a well deserved standing ovation. And that my friends, is a double turn.

Amazingly enough, Bret vs. Austin was only just beginning. The next five months would be even more insane with perhaps an even better match blowing it off. Now let THAT sink in for a minute. This is still one of the few matches that has an actual impact on me and I get WAY into it every time I see it.

Why aren’t you watching this match right now? I’m tempted to watch it again.

Faarooq and the Nation say the criminals are out tonight in Chicago and they’re ready for the LOD and Ahmed in the Chicago street fight.

Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson

It’s Crush/Faarooq/Savio Vega plus a bunch of unnamed lackeys forming the Nation at this point. They bring out every weapon you could think of for this match between about the nine people they have here. Ahmed has the spikes on too and they bring the kitchen sink with them. Ok point for a funny idea. It’s a big brawl to start (and will continue to be that way) with the good guys beating up the lackeys.

Faarooq hits Animal in the back with a nightstick and Ahmed hits a big dive over the barricade to take out I think Savio. I’m not going to be able to call everything here so expect a lot to be missed. Ahmed crushes Crush with a trashcan as Hawk has a 2×4 to stalk Savio with. Animal tries a piledriver on Faarooq through a table but they just fall off to the side instead. The fans chant for the LOD and Animal blasts Faarooq with a fire extinguisher. Savio cleans house with a trashcan but gets it wrapped around him and blasted by Hawk.

Ahmed slams Faarooq through the table from earlier and there goes the fire extinguisher again. Now we get a big rope with a noose on it to hang Ahmed. The Nation is too big and powerful for LOD and Ahmed to fight off. Hawk comes back with a double clothesline to Jerry’s shock. It was an actual wrestling move! Ahmed gets out of the noose and beats up D-Lo Brown for a bit. Animal hits Faarooq with a parking sign as Savio throws Ahmed over the barricade.

Crush finds a wrench from somewhere to blast Animal with as Faarooq is pulled to the floor by the rope. They’re clearly starting to get tired now. Hawk sprays the Nation down with the extinguisher again but the lackeys save Faarooq from the Pearl River Plunge. Crush gets caught in the Doomsday Device out of nowhere before getting hit by a 2×4 for the pin.

Rating: B-. You know what, why not. This was a FIGHT and it worked quite well. They didn’t try to make this anything but a street fight and that’s what they gave us. This wasn’t good or quality or anything but it was certainly fun and exactly what it was advertised as. Good stuff here and the second best match of the night so far.

Post match D’Lo (not yet named) takes the Pearl River Plunge and the small white guys (PG-13) take a double Doomsday Device to pop the crowd HUGE.

Here’s Shawn Michaels to do commentary on the main event. This was when he had a “knee injury”, which had a bad case of Idon’twanttoreturnthejobtoBretsoI’llsayI’mhurtandnotlosetohimlikeamanwould-itis.

WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

This is because Sid won the title and Undertaker is getting a title shot for…..no reason that I can remember at all actually. He was just kind of thrown in there to get the title off Sid with no real explanation. Sid gives his usual insane promo about how he’s going to retain the title because he’s not scared. For the first time ever, we hear that Undertaker has never lost at Wrestlemania. Sid’s pyro of his name in lights is awesome.

Just after the bell, here’s Bret Hart. Shawn: “Imagine that: Bret being resentful.” Bret yells at Shawn for having a fake injury and losing his smile. He then says that he and Undertaker are no longer friends. As for Sid, he’s a fraud because the belt belongs to Bret. Thankfully Sid hits Bret in the face and powerbombs him (Shawn: “And now you’re getting beaten up because of your big mouth.). Taker jumps Sid from behind and we get another bell to officially start the match.

Sid throws him into the corner to start but charges into a big boot. Taker hits a kind of splash in the corner followed by a slam for two. Old School hits Sid but Taker charges into a bearhug. The bearhug stays on for a long time as you would expect it to. These two have 22 minutes for this match and that’s a recipe for disaster. Sid finally kicks Undertaker to the floor and then over the French announce table for good measure.

Apparently this is no holds barred according to Gorilla. Sid drops him on the table and almost breaks it in the process. Back in and Sid pounds away at the back even more before hooking a camel clutch. Jerry: “How do you kill a dead man?” Vince: “You don’t have to. You just have to pin him for three seconds.” Point to Vince I guess. Sid hits a powerslam but can only get three two’s in a row.

A big leg gets two for Sid but Taker comes back with the flying clothesline for two. They head to the floor where Sid is thrown over the barricade. That goes nowhere so we head back inside for a horrible chinlock by the champion. Taker fights up and hits a powerslam for two before putting on a nerve hold of his own. A clothesline puts Sid back down for two as Taker is looking tired.

They hit big boots at the same time to put each other down. Sid goes to the middle rope for an ax handle and thankfully keeps his leg intact. A kind of middle rope clothesline/punch to the face gets two for the champion but here comes the Dead Man. Sid slams him down and goes up top, only to be crotched and slammed down. Undertaker hits a top rope clothesline for two more as the match FINALLY picks up a bit. Taker loads up the Tombstone but gets reversed into a tombstone by Sid for two.

We head back to the floor again but here’s Bret Hart to smack Sid in the back with a chair. Referees and officials come out to throw Bret out as Sid is rammed back first into the post. Back inside we go again and it’s a chokeslam for a VERY close two. They botch what might have been the flying clothesline as Sid ducks down, sending Taker flying. Here comes the powerbomb but Bret interferes AGAIN. The distraction lets Taker hit the Tombstone for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. This was REALLY dull stuff and Bret got annoying after about his second interference. Granted that’s the idea, but he was still annoying. On top of that, the match was WAY too much sitting around and doing nothing with all of the rest holds and other general standing around based activities. Sid was pretty much gone for good after this.

Undertaker celebrates for awhile as Shawn sucks up to him.

Overall Rating: D+. This certainly isn’t the worse Wrestlemania but it’s also not a good show by any real stretch. The main problem here is that it felt like any other PPV rather than a major show other than the Bret vs. Austin match. On top of that, the main event sucks pretty hard. It wasn’t entertaining and Undertaker wound up being a terrible champion. He couldn’t even main event his own PPV the next month. Anyway, bad show but DEFINITELY see Austin vs. Hart, even if you have before.

Ratings Comparison

Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFaon vs. New Blackjacks

Original: D+

Redo: C

Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan

Original: D

Redo: D+

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Original: D

Redo: C-

Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/Mankind

Original: D+

Redo: B-

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson vs. Nation of Domination

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D+

The street fight is good but it’s not THAT good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/20/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-13-hitman-and-austin-thats-it/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

 

Time for the last show in this series as we hit the ugly days of the company. There’s a double main event tonight in the form of Sid vs. Jarrett for the title and Hogan vs. Flair because Hogan needs his win back from last year I guess. The company is on its very last legs at this point and would be rebooted, as in all titles vacated and a lot of stories restarted, in about a month, making most of this show totally pointless. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about the Total Package (he didn’t go by Lex Luger at this point) and was breaking everyone’s arm. This set up Sting vs. Luger FOR THE LAST TIME, in a lumberjack match. Also we get some clips of Hogan vs. Flair, which is going to be an Indian Strap Match, meaning all four corners. Oh dear.

 

Hogan and Sid are in the back talking and Hogan offers to watch his back later. We cut to the Harris Brothers talking to US Champion Jarrett about an insurance policy. Ok then.

 

The pyro goes off and the people do not move. It’s pretty sad looking.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psicosis

 

Artist has Paisley (Sharmell) with him and is more famous as Prince Iaukea. He’s also champion. Artist wears a lot of purple. Psicosis has Juvy with him and sound like people actually know who he is. Artist is in a dress shirt and dress pants. He was a bit of a weird character. Before they get going here’s Chris Candido for no apparent reason. I think this is his debut and he sits in on commentary.

 

He talks about how the internet rumors on him signing are true and he’s here to be the new Cruiserweight Champion. Psicosis hits a rana off the top to start and clotheslines Artist to the floor. Candido rants about a bunch of stuff, saying he could do all this stuff they’re doing but can wrestle which they can’t do. Back in Psicosis gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Artist drills him.

 

Off to a quick rest hold as the match is completely ignored. Big superkick by Artist for two as there are barely any fans to be seen. Out to the floor and Artist keeps his advantage. Into the ring steps and then back into the ring we go. The crowd can’t seem to decide if they’re interested in this or not as all of a sudden they get loud for nothing special. Artist gets some two counts and is frustrated.

 

There’s been no mention of a feud or a reason why Psicosis is getting the shot here so everything is normal. Sunset flip gets two for the challenger as the fans are booing LOUDLY at everything now. Middle rope rana gets a nice reaction and it’s back to the booing. Weird crowd to put it mildly here. Sitout gordbuster puts Artist down but Paisley distracts Psicosis from hitting the guillotine legdrop. Juvy kisses her and they brawl as the legdrop hits for a delayed two. Paisley distracts him again, allowing Artist to hit a jumping DDT off the middle rope for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: D+. This was a total mess. The crowd was all over the place and was really distracting. This was more or less a TV match all the way and was just not that good. Not interesting either which makes for a really awkward way to start off the show which looks awful on paper.

 

Tony throws it to Gene and says “that’s how you fill some time”. I seriously don’t know if that was supposed to be heard or not.

 

Anyway Gene is with Bigelow who faces The Wall tonight. Bigelow doesn’t know what’s wrong with Wall who has been on a roll as of late. Apparently it’s mentor (Bigelow) vs. mentee. Why mess with a classic story I guess?

 

XS vs. Norman Smiley/KISS Demon

 

XS are Lenny Lane and Lodi, who is called Rave here.. The KISS Demon is a complicated character as it was supposed to be one of four KISS themed characters which ultimately wound up being one and nearly resulted in a big lawsuit. Smiley is there because he’s the comedy character of WCW, similar to Eric Young or Santino I guess. This is apparently a long running feud and I have no idea why they’re feuding. Even the video about it doesn’t help. Lodi is called Rave here.

 

And never mind as here’s Stacy Keibler (Miss Hancock) in her sexy beyond belief corporate look with the skirt that might be 6 inches below her waist. The hair is pulled back and she has the glasses on. She’s also 20 years old here so how good do you think she’s looking? She wants to manage XS like she used to and they tell her to leave. They say she’s not worthy of them and she says they need female companionship.

 

Now we go from Van Halen style music to dance music for Hancock to God of Thunder for Smiley (coming out of a casket) and Demon. Apparently they’re the Screamin Demons. Norman is dressed as a demon also and gets some insane pops. XS jumps them only for Demon to beat the tar out of Lodi. Smiley and Lenny are in the ring now and I kid you not the reaction for Norman is so loud you can barely understand the announcers. Who would have guessed that?

 

Off to Demon as Stacy says that she’s going to manage Silver King and El Dandy. I kid you not again. This is a bizarre match and gets weirder as a very loud NORMAN chant starts up while he’s on the apron. Lodi gets a suplex for two on Demon. They totally botch a double clothesline as Lenny waits for after the other two go down to fall. Hot tag to Norman and there goes the roof. Spinning slam puts Lodi down. Lane and Demon look almost identical from behind.

 

Lane hits a Skull Crushing Finale to Norman for two as Hancock is annoyed with XS so Madden says he’ll comfort her. Everything breaks down as Demon and Lodi go to the floor. What kind of a name is Lodi anyway? Not that it matters because Norman gets the Norman’s Conquest (Crossface Chickenwing) for the tag from Lane.

 

Rating: D-. Stacy being out there helps this more than anything but the camera not being on her hurts it a lot. The match itself was another bizarre one as the fans were madly behind Norman, guaranteeing that he would never get a serious push or a push at all. Demon was just annoying and XS was worthless, so I have no idea what the point of this was.

 

XS goes after Hancock post match so the Demons chase them off. Hancock dances with Norman post match to an eruption. This is good until Demon cuts in to dance with Norman.

 

Billy talks to Booker about getting messed up by Stevie Ray. Booker says get your head in the game.

 

David Flair is with Crowbar and Daffney, demanding that she stays in the back for their match.

 

We get clips of Wall massacring everyone in sight, namely David and Bigelow.

 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

 

Big brawl to start as the ring is really loud. Bigelow gets him down and hits the top rope headbutt for two in the first few seconds. A HHH style knee to the face puts Bigelow down for two. Spinning DDT gets two for Bigelow as nothing is sticking here with momentum shifting with every move. Wall is knocked to the floor and they fight up the aisle. Wall sets for a chokeslam through something and that’s a DQ to end it. Crowbar and David come out for a beatdown on Wall and that totally fails.

 

Rating: F+. Was there a point to this at all? It’s barely three minutes long and was one move by one guy and then the other guy would hit one, repeat for three and a half minutes. This is the third straight horrible match to start the show, meaning we’ve wasted about 35 minutes of this show so far. Somehow that’s probably an improvement from what’s coming for this company.

 

Bigelow is taken out on a stretcher as Crowbar is up on the scaffold on the set. There’s a chokeslam off the set through a wooden piece of the stage. He goes all stoic after hurting people, which is absolutely nothing like Bubba Ray Dudley making the same face after he put people through tables. Not a thing like it at all. Crowbar is stretchered out as this eats up forever.

 

The announcers are all serious, so let’s throw it to Brian Knobbs who says he’s dedicating the next match to Bam Bam and Crowbar.

 

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

 

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

 

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

 

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

 

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

 

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

 

Harlem Heat 2000 (Stevie, Big T (Ahmed Johnson who has gained about 150lbs since his WWF time), J Biggs (Clarence Mason) and Cash (big muscle guy that never talked) say they’re ready for Booker and Kidman.

 

There’s a black limo that may have the insurance policy that Jarrett was talking about earlier.

 

Vampiro apparently likes being violent and doesn’t like Fit Finlay being in his face. This is a 30 second promo that is literally all one sentence. Apparently he likes to hurt people.

 

Booker/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

 

Just Booker here after, and wait for this one, Harlem Heat 2000 won the rights to the letter T in a match against him. Booker is mad at Kidman for not having his back recently. At least we get to look at Torrie who is smoking in a green dress. Biggs, the lawyer, is on commentary here. Booker vs. Stevie to start as we talk about Crowbar some more. Kidman comes in and the faces dominate early.

 

Stevie gets a powerslam and it’s off to Big T. So if they had lost the match for the letter T would he just be known as Big? Biggs, a real life attorney, is ranting about whatever comes to his mind. Booker gets a sidekick to take down T and hits an axe kick to Cash. Kidman tries to come in off the top but jumps into a right hand. Time for him to play Morton for awhile I guess.

 

Biggs says Harlem Heat are ten time tag champions, claiming that this version keeps the reigns. T heads to the floor and tries to dive over the railing like he used to and mostly gets over, despite hitting Kidman in the feet. Spinebuster gets two on Kidman back in the ring. Kidman escapes the beating and brings in Booker, who is the only member of his team that’s been able to not get destroyed. Book End to Stevie gets no cover as T jumps him. Double spinebuster puts Booker down but Kidman makes a very last second save. Kidman then gets a sunset flip on T for the pin, despite not being legal.

 

Rating: C-. Now this is by far the best match of the night and we’re an hour into this. That should tell you all you need to know about this show. Nothing special at all here as it was a kind of sloppy seven minute tag team formula match. Not horrible, but nothing you wouldn’t see in any company at any given time. Nice to see something somewhat decent though.

 

We get a clip of Wall hurting both guys earlier, complete with a graphic saying “earlier tonight”. You know, for people that buy PPVs an hour in.

 

Finlay talks about wanting respect from Vampiro.

 

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

 

This is falls count anywhere. Back and forth stuff to start until Vampiro hits a top rope spinwheel kick for two. He busts out some more kicks and Finlay is in trouble. Apparently Bigelow and Crowbar are injured and Crowbar is far worse but it’s nothing incredibly serious. Ok, so now we can stop talking about them right? Finlay brings in an old school chair which of course winds up being kicked into his own face.

 

Both guys have broken arms due to Luger. Out to the floor and Vampiro is dropped throat first across the railing. We go into the crowd and isn’t it always lucky that they land where there are no fans. They go up the steps and into the back with Finlay in control I guess you’d call it. Time to go into the women’s bathroom and now we shift to the men’s room. I think Finlay went the wrong way or something.

 

Madden: “A good hold to use in there is the urine-age.” Into a stall and there’s a trashcan shot. Vampy climbs to the top of a stall but the can is tossed at him as he jumps off. They go to the commons area which has a weird Kane red light thing to it. They’re outside and the red light thing is still going on. Maybe a camera issue or something. Back inside now as they’re barely fighting because of all the people. Backdrop by Finlay but Vampiro rams him into a wall and the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) ends this.

 

Rating: D+. We’ve seen this match so many times before that this means nothing for the most part. The lack of action after about 4 minutes in though really hurt it. The bathroom spot has been done before and done way better than this. Not impressed here, namely because WWF at the time was making these hilarious and hard hitting at the same time. This was kind of hard hitting but nothing interesting at all.

 

The Harris Boys say they’ll win the tag titles. That’s it.

 

Disco says he and his Mamalukes (Disco is managing) will keep the belts. It’s about respect apparently.

 

Tag Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers

 

The Harris Brothers are NWO here, in part of the final incarnation which was also the weakest probably. Vito kisses both his partner and the referee on the cheek. This is No DQ apparently. Disco Inferno is on commentary as our what, 4^th guest commentator tonight? Vito vs. we’ll call that Ron while Madden and Disco banter back and forth. Powerslam by Johnny gets two. The teams are Ron/Don Harris vs. Johnny the Bull/Vito. That might clear some stuff up.

 

This is pretty weak to start as the styles are totally clashing. Back to Vito who gets a Japanese armdrag to take over. Disco is cracking me up here. The Mamalukes hit the H Bomb (Harrises’ finisher) on we’ll say Ron for two. Out to the floor as Johnny is in trouble. Spinwheel kick gets him out of that but Vito is drilled before the tag can be made. Well sure now: let’s talk about Crowbar some more. This is so freaking annoying anymore.

 

Yes, Vince didn’t stop the show for Owen. FREAKING GET OVER IT. I know that sounds bad, but there’s a HUGE difference between a real life accident and a scripted moment being used as a commentary on a real tragedy. Hot tag to Vito and some “Mafia” kicks clean house. Everything breaks down and Vito hits a top rope elbow for two. Modified Hart Attack gets the same. Double flapjack gets two on Johnny as the twins take over. Disco comes in for a belt shot for two. A belt shot to Vito sets up the H Bomb (kind of a double belly to back suplex) for the titles for the Brothers.

 

Rating: D. This was rather weak overall with the Brothers just doing their usual stuff. The Mamalukes were ok at best although I kind of liked Vito. They couldn’t get much going here and that was mainly due to the styles being too similar. The titles would be vacated anyway so again, all of this means nothing for the most part.

 

Finlay says he beat respect into Vampiro but the better man won. Keep the fire burning Vampy.

 

Luger and Flair say they’ll win. Gene calls Flair Luger by mistake.

 

We recap Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes. The idea is that Rhodes is now a heel because his family life sucked due to the Rhodes vs. Funk feud. Yes, they actually think people care about Rhodes vs. Funk in the year 2000. This also involves Dustin being knocked out cold with a chicken. Yes, as in something you put in a pot and cook then eat.

 

Dustin says this is Funk’s retirement match. His first was in 1983 so what do you think is going to happen with him retiring?

 

Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes

 

Oh and of course it’s a Texas Bullrope Match. You know, because two strap matches/rope matches in the same show is FINE. Funk has the chicken again and says Rhodes’ baby brother is here. And here’s a guy in a chicken suit. I kid you not, this is really happening. Dustin chases him and is hit in the face with the actual chicken. Into the ring and Dustin is whipped by the rope which isn’t attached.

 

This is just a bad match here with random cowbell shots added in. Low blow to Funk as this needs to end now. Naturally, this is the second longest match of the night. Dustin hits him with the bell and the rope a lot and that’s about it. We actually argue over experience here with the main point being does Dustin have half the experience that Funk has. We actually tie them together now to actually follow the match rules.

 

DDT gets two for Dustin. Bulldog onto the cowbell gets the same and the chicken man is back. There are chicken sound effects to go with it. Madden keeps ranting about how the chicken needs to die. Funk gets a low blow in with the bell and grabs a mic. It’s now an I Quit match. The referee protests so he gets cussed at and there’s a cowbell to the head for him. Dustin says I QUIT but the referee says that’s not a submission so we keep going. I hate this company.

 

After being hit in the head literally about 8 times with a metal bell, Dustin gets up and hits Funk once with it to put him down. There are a bunch more shots to the head as this is just awful. Funk keeps getting up because he’s from Texas or something. Piledriver onto the bell and we’re finally done.

 

Rating: F. This was literally 90% cowbell. Also, NO ONE CARES ABOUT FUNK VS. RHODES IN THE YEAR 2000! That feud meant something 25 years prior to this, so WCW of course thinks everyone cares about it. This company is so stupid it’s unreal at times. The match sucked also because apparently saying I QUIT isn’t giving up.

 

Sid says he’ll win.

 

We recap Sting vs. Luger’s complete history. By that they mean this story but whatever. Luger has been breaking everyone’s arms and he started with Sting. Sting started his usual mind games and then came back when Luger kept hurting people.

 

Sting vs. The Total Package

 

This is a lumberjack match. Sting’s lumberjacks are the people whose arms Luger broke. Luger’s are just guys wearing fake casts. And yes he’s really called The Total Package here. Luger says he’s sorry to all the lumberjacks for breaking their arms. His lumberjacks are Harlem Heat 2000, Hugh Morrus and the Harris Brothers. Package goes for the arm to start which doesn’t work that well.

 

All Sting here for the most part as Luger is in trouble. The fans want Goldberg but it’s a shame that’s just not going to happen. Luger goes to the floor and everything goes nuts as you would expect. Now Sting gets beaten down outside also. Tank Abbot comes out for no apparent reason and knocks Doug Dillenger (security guy who Luger hurt) out cold with one punch before leaving.

 

All of the lumberjacks fight towards the entrance and we have a regular match. Luger has a chinlock on as this is making my head hurt. Oh wait Vampiro is here still. Flair comes out and fights with Vampy as Sting takes over. Now Flair comes in and that goes badly for him. Stinger Splash to Luger but Liz hits Sting with the bat. Jimmy Hart, another lumberjack, takes Liz to the back. Vampiro hits Luger with the bat to break up the Rack and the Death Drop ends this.

 

Rating: D-. And most of that is because Liz looked great around this time. The ton of run-ins and the gimmick more or less going away halfway through hurt this badly, along with Luger being completely uninteresting by this point. The match itself was really boring too, making the whole thing awful.

 

Sting and Vampiro hug post match. That wouldn’t last long.

 

Abbot says nothing of note about Dillenger.

 

We recap Sid vs. Jarrett which is happening because they needed a world title match I guess. The NWO wanted the world title which Sid had so Sid rambled a lot and Jarrett said he’s win.

 

The match order is changed so the world title match is now.

 

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

The door of the black limo is opened but we cut away before we see who’s in it. Jeff is US Champion. Sid dominates to start but a chokeslam is broken up by a thumb to the eye. Out to the floor and Jeff is put on the table. They go out into the crowd and it’s almost all Sid. Up to the stage area and here are the Harris Brothers to beat Sid down. Jeff throws a sleeper on back in the ring.

 

Sid blocks a middle rope double axe handle and the Harris guys get up on the apron, one with the belt. Jeff is slammed into it by mistake but it only gets two. Chokeslam is blocked and there goes the referee. Guitar shot to Sid but there’s no referee. He waves down a crooked referee but Hogan comes out for the save. Big boot and legdrop to Jeff as Hogan beats everyone up. In the chaos Sid covers him and gets the pin.

 

Rating: D. Just a big mess here and the whole thing was just 8 minutes long. That’s hardly a full length PPV main event in my eyes and when the majority of that was spent in a brawl on the outside, that’s not really a good sign. Hogan only comes in at the end to set up the main event and the whole thing just felt thrown together.

 

Anyway the limo guy/insurance policy is the returning Scott Steiner who would soon begin a big heel push. He hits Hogan and since Hogan is down, here’s Flair to start the main event sans entrances.

 

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

 

Strap match here, meaning touch all four buckles. The brawl goes to the floor almost immediately as Hogan is wearing a weightlifting belt and trunks which is a rather weird look. Flair begs off and gets beaten up. Good to see that the Steiner interference made such a big deal. Into the ring again and Flair gets whipped.

 

Flair begs off some more but gets a thumb to the eye. Thankfully he doesn’t have the short and spiked hair here as the blonde locks are flowing pretty solidly. They slug it out and guess who wins that one. The strap is really long here. Flair is being dominated here. He hits the floor and begs off again as no one has tried for a corner yet. Naturally the guy with hair is bleeding.

 

Hogan slams him off the top as always and hits a clothesline on the floor. Jimmy Hart is here too and gets in some shots with the strap. Flair gets some shots in and Hogan is like dude just no. They go up to the stage and Luger pops up with a chair shot to put him down. We’re probably almost ten minute into this and not a single corner has been touched.

 

Low blow on the floor puts Hogan down again and Flair unhooks himself from the strap. Flair hammers away because that’s worked so well for him in the past right? Hart comes in again and he gets drilled. That guy deserves a medal for the abuse he’s taken over the years. Flair finally goes for some corners, getting three this time. Flair pulls out brass knuckles and hits him for a two count. In a strap match. Well of course he does. Hogan Hulks Up, beats Flair up, touches three corners, beats up Luger when he runs in, drops the leg on Flair and pins him, then touches the fourth buckle after the bell rings. You figure it out. I’m done.

 

Rating: D+. This was a Hogan vs. Flair match, but not a particularly good one. The biggest problem here is simple: this is the year 2000. In like 1994 or so this would have been ok, but it’s not 1994. Hogan and Flair with Hogan doing his old school thing and Flair being a basic jobber and not even for the title isn’t something that’s going to work here. Yes, some fans cheer Hogan, but he shouldn’t be on top in the year 2000. To be fair though the company was deader than dead by this point, so who cares? This would be a month before the reboot anyway, so again it doesn’t really matter.

 

Overall Rating: F. When one match is what I’d consider not bad and that’s about as high as we get in the grades, what do you expect me to say here? The show is meaningless and it’s not like the matches are even good. This was just boring with all kinds of stuff that didn’t excite anyone. The crowd was tiny too and the whole thing was just bad. Total mess here and WCW would continue to sink into the abyss until finally dying soon after this. Ok so it was a year later but they were more or less dead by the summer.
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