Lucha Underground
Date: May 18, 2016
Location: Lucha Underground Temple, Boyle Heights, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

As is usually the case, it’s hard to say what to expect on these shows. The three title pictures continue to be a story but the bigger deal seems to be everything going on behind the scenes with Councilman Delgado trying to take down Dario for his master, whatever that may entail. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap focuses on the Gift of the Gods Title and Matanza destroying Pentagon Jr.

Dario Cueto is putting cash in a bag when Cage comes in, demanding to get his hands on Chavo after having his Gift of the Golds medallion stolen. Dario says join him in the ring.

It’s time for the Gift of the Gods presentation with Cage following Dario out. Dario explains the concept and says there will be a seven way match tonight. The winners of the medallions are called out so here are Texano, Joey Ryan (Theory that unfortunately I can’t take credit for: Castro let Joey pin him because they’re secretly working together as undercover cops. I’ve heard far worse ideas.), Sinestro de la Muerte (with Dario not being able to remember which Disciple he is), Aerostar, the Mack, Sexy Star and Chavo Guerrero Jr., who didn’t actually win but that doesn’t seem to matter.

Everyone else clears out so Cage can stomp Chavo down in the corner and take the medallion back. Well in theory at least because it’s just a big washer, allowing Chavo to blast Cage with a chair. Chavo puts the real medallion in the belt and that somehow count in Dario’s eyes. Cage gives Chavo Weapon X to blow off some steam.

Daga vs. Argenis vs. Mascarita Sagrada vs. Kobra Moon

One fall to a finish. Famous B. takes over for Sagrada’s introduction. It’s a big brawl to start with Sagrada headscissoring Daga down to start. Moon forearms Sagrada down though and gets two off a Michinoku Driver. Argenis and Daga come back in with Argenis superkicking the unmasked one down. That goes nowhere as Argenis is sent to the floor for a dive from Daga. Back inside and Sagrada rolls up Moon for two, followed by a cross armbreaker on Argenis. That’s quite the odd visual.

Daga dives in to break up a powerbomb on Sagrada before setting up the overly contrived spot of the match with a Gory Special on Moon and a reverse Boston crab on Argenis at the same time. Sagrada comes in for the save but Argenis slaps Sagrada in the mask to break up a sunset flip on Moon. Back up and Moon runs Sagrada over, followed by a White Noise into a piledriver for no cover. Instead she stands back, allowing Daga to get the pin at 5:03.

Rating: D+. Uh….ok then. I still don’t buy into Kobra and Daga is only so much of a star. I’m really not sure what the point of this match was but an alliance between Moon and Daga isn’t going to be anything interesting either. This is a really weird match and I wasn’t feeling it at all really.

Killshot is putting his gear on when Marty the Moth comes up to see him and offers a salute. They’ll be facing off tonight so Marty puts a finger guns to Killshot’s head. This earns him a quick flip over to the floor where Marty laughs like a crazy man.

Marty Martinez vs. Killshot

Marty makes sure to perv on Melissa Santos during the entrances. They stare each other down and Marty does the finger gun again, prompting a Major Gunns reference of all things. Marty sends him into the corner and then over the top, only to have Killshot land on his feet. Back in and Killshot sends him to the floor for a change but a flip dive is caught on Marty’s shoulder, which really isn’t the kind of power you would expect from him. Marty slowly beats Killshot down inside and does the finger gun again, only to tick Killshot off this time. Well again, but this time Killshot smacks him in the face to take over.

Killshot BLASTS him in the head again for two, followed by a third shot to the head. Marty pops up and knocks Killshot off the top though, only to have Killshot block a German suplex off the apron. Instead it’s Marty eating a Death Valley Driver on the apron to put both guys on the floor because that’s how wrestling moves work. Both guys beat the count at nine so Marty takes his head off with a clothesline for two. Marty’s dive in the corner gets caught though and it’s a forward driver (think Kenny Omega’s One Winged Angel but out of a waistlock instead of an electric chair) to give Killshot the pin at 7:15.

Rating: C+. This was better than the first match but it’s still only so good. Killshot is starting to get somewhere with the military character but it would be nice to have something other than “Yeah he was in the military.” Marty is PERFECT as the creepy guy though and it’s mainly due to all the little parts that he adds to everything. It’s better than the first match but still really nothing I’m going to remember in five minutes.

Marty destroys him post match and steals the dog tags.

Gift of the Gods Title: Sinestro de la Muerte vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Joey Ryan vs. Sexy Star vs. The Mack vs. Texano vs. Aerostar

One fall to a finish and the title is vacant coming in. Chavo bails to the floor to start and it’s time for everyone to hit one spot and then run to the floor. The match settles down to Joey vs. Star with the former not that upset with having to wrestle a scantily clad woman. Chavo tries to steal a rollup on Star but Mack comes in to clean house, leaving him in a staredown with his friend Sexy.

Texano pulls Star out to the floor before taking her place against Mack. A powerbomb plants Mack but it’s Aerostar diving in for the save. A springboard tornado DDT gives Aerostar two on Texano, only to have Sinestro come in for his quick section. It’s time for the big dives with Star pulling Joey off the top and taking everyone out at the same time. Back in and a Backstabber gives Sinestro two on Ryan before Mack throws Muerte outside.

Mack and Star take turns chopping Ryan before a double legdrop crushes Joey again. Chavo runs back in and frog splashes Ryan for two with Mack diving in for the save. That’s not cool though and everyone goes after Chavo for a parade of finishers (save for Ryan but including Sinestro, who shouldn’t be up for this kind of thing). However, cue Cage to destroy everyone not named Chavo before putting Guerrero on top of Joey for the pin and the title at 8:33.

Rating: C. This was a lot of waiting around until we got to the big Cage deal at the end, which makes sense and keeps Cage looking strong before his eventual match with Chavo for the title, which he certainly has a claim to. Other than that though there was almost nothing going on here but that’s what you have to expect with a six minute match with seven people in there at once.

Post match Cage goes with the obvious reveal: he gets a title shot at Chavo next week.

Vampiro tells Pentagon that he must be broken again, just like the monster broke him already. Pentagon is suspended in some weird S&M style looking harness while Vampiro beats on him with a stick. Vampiro talks about all the evil inside of him and how the pills can’t hold him back. This is nothing compared to what Matanza did to Pentagon and it’s nothing compared to what he’s about to do to Pentagon either. It’s time for a barbed wire baseball bat to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This one really missed for me as there wasn’t much for anything to be seen here. The opening match went nowhere, the second match was fine and could set something up, but the third match was all there to set up something else later on. Now all that being said, the stuff at the end was interesting with Pentagon looking like he’s coming back as the ultimate Matanza slayer full of Vampiro’s evil. This show was a bunch of standing around waiting but that’s not really enough to carry this week.

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Lucha Underground
Date: May 4, 2016
Location: Lucha Underground Temple, Boyle Heights, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

We’re kind of at a new beginning around here as the trios tournament ended and a bunch of the Aztec medallions have been won. We’re probably coming up on Ultima Lucha soon enough and at this point it’s pretty hard to guess what the biggest matches on the card might be. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap focuses on the Aztec medallions and Mariposa vs. Sexy Star.

Dario Cueto is looking at the hole in his roof when Catrina comes in. They argue over who nearly killed who when Matanza fought Mil Muertes and Catrina wants a rematch. Dario is willing to give Mil the rematch and since he’s feeling generous, let’s make it Grave Consequences. Oh and this is going to be a special one with four caskets, making it Graver Consequences.

Aztec Medallion: Marty Martinez vs. The Mack

Mack goes right after him without even taking off the jacket. A northern lights suplex gets two and a German suplex sends Marty flying but he pops up with a dropkick to take over. You know, because a dropkick cancels out a string of suplexes. Marty sends him into the corner with an exploder suplex for two of his own. That’s about it for his offense though as a Norman Smiley swinging slam of all things sets up a legdrop (and a Hogan impression) for two on Marty. A Stunner and a TKO Stunner are enough to put Martinez away at 3:26.

Rating: C. Mack is clearly someone Lucha Underground thinks something of so it makes sense to give him a big win here and put him into the Gift of the Gods title picture. Marty is much more of a creepy character instead of someone who can do anything special in the ring so it’s a good idea to have him lose so quickly here.

Catrina tells King Cuerno she’s going to have Sinestro de la Muerte (the only Disciple left) take care of the Gift of the Gods Title instead of him this time. That’s not cool with Cuerno so the hunt is on.

Sexy Star comes in to see Dario, who talks about seeing a lot of his mother in her. The only way he and Matanza could stop their mother from torturing them was to stand up to her. That’s what Sexy needs to do to Mariposa and tonight she gets the chance for revenge and for a medallion. It’s going to be a no mas match which means I Quit. His advice to Sexy: after she makes Mariposa quit, don’t quit.

Aztec Medallion: Sinestro de la Muerte vs. King Cuerno

Catrina is with Sinestro. Cuerno dropkicks him into the corner two seconds into the match as the announcers don’t seem to know about Sinestro absorbing the hearts of his fellow Disciples. I get the idea that they can’t see the stuff backstage but do either of them watch the show? Like, shouldn’t they be doing that? Or do they just think it’s the weekly Parcheesi tournament going on back there? Sinestro chops Cuerno down but Catrina breaks up the Arrow with a rock to the back of the head, setting up a springboard Fameasser to give Sinestro the pin at 1:52. It was a glorified squash until then.

Catrina does the Lick post match and then hits him in the head with the rock again.

Mascarita Sagrada is doing curls (seriously) when Famous B. comes in with Sagrada’s first match, which is for an Aztec medallion.

Chavo Guerrero wants to know why he’s not fighting for a medallion. Dario doesn’t think he’s worthy of one because of all the times he’s failed before. Chavo likes the idea of seizing the opportunity.

Aztec Medallion: Mascarita Sagrada vs. Cage

Cage is defending and Famous B. does a big introduction with a dancing girl for Sagrada. The fans chant PLEASE DON’T KILL HIM but Cage pretty much does with a big release F5 for the pin in less than at 58 seconds. One thing: the announcers spent the whole match talking about how Sagrada is a legend in Mexico but for some reason he needs help being famous?

Chavo steals the medallion post match.

Aztec Medallion: Mariposa vs. Sexy Star

I Quit rules, which Vampiro says is the one match in his career that he wouldn’t go for. Mariposa takes over early with a slam and elbow drop before choking with a boot in the corner. That’s a no (as in keep the match going, not no mas) so Star sends her into the corner for a slingshot Bronco Buster.

Three Amigos set up a half crab on Mariposa but Star is no Lance Storm so the hold is quickly countered and reversed into a freaky leglock. Star makes the ropes which shouldn’t matter but Mariposa lets the hold go anywhere. They quickly head outside with Star no selling the knee and ripping off some chops. Mariposa one ups her with some LOUD chair shots, including throwing one at her for a very modified Conchairto.

Still no from Star though and she sends Mariposa into the barricade before driving a chair between Mariposa’s legs (Striker: “STEELY DAN!!!”) but again that doesn’t seem to have much effect. Instead Mariposa drags her up the steps by the hair and starts ripping at the mask. They climb up into the catwalks and the scaffolding as the fans lose their minds. Vampiro leaves commentary as we pan out to see how high up they really are.

Star almost falls as we see the blood coming down her face. Thankfully they come back down as Marty is out here to be creepy around Sexy. Marty rubs her bleeding face against the barricade so here’s the Mack to beat him up like a good….what exactly is her to Star? Friend? Star steals someone’s purse to beat on Mariposa but gets beaten down again and starts spitting up blood. That’s it for Mariposa’s offense though as Star BLASTS her with a trashcan.

They actually get back inside with Mariposa punching her in the throat and putting on something like a Sharpshooter with her arms, earning an F*** YOU MARIPOSA (uncensored on the mic) from Star. Sexy jumps on her back and chokes Mariposa until Marty comes in again for the save. Mack comes in with a Stunner for the save and a cross armbreaker makes Mariposa give up at 15:30.

Rating: A-. Now THAT is how you give someone a rocket push up the card in one night. This was everything that Sexy Star has needed since she started getting treated like a huge deal on the roster and now it feels warranted for a change. Outstanding brawl here with these two beating the heck out of each other. The expletives actually felt like a big deal and made my eyebrows go up because you just don’t hear that on a wrestling show.

Overall Rating: B. This show was all about getting stuff done in a hurry and they capped it off with an awesome match for fun. The Aztec medallions are either entirely done or very close to it and that suggests to me that we’re getting closer to wrapping this season up, which is a shame given how much fun it’s been. Another really strong show here as this thing just keeps rolling along like it doesn’t know how to do anything else. Check out that main event if you have the time as it’s worth seeing for some good, brutal fun.

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