Mummies, Demons & The Occult
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino, Bill Mercer, Ed Whalen, Jim Ross, Bill Watts, Boyd Pierce, Joey Styles, Tazz

Well that’s not exactly a title I was expecting to put up but it’s Halloween season and the WWE Vault is a thing. This is one of their short form themed collections and that means we could be for just about anything. You can probably guess some of these things, but the mystery or what’s included is the fun part. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of a monster named Leviathan (with vampire fangs) walking through a cemetery and wrecking various people in OVW. He would be better known as Batista.

We go to (I’m assuming) Mid-South Wrestling with Mad Dog Buzz Sawyer messing with his own dog and writhing around in a creek with a chain around his neck. He warns the Junkyard Dog that there can be only one big dog around here.

From WWF Championship Wrestling, August 3, 1985.

Missing Link vs. Jim Londos

Bobby Heenan is here with Link and the fans are right there with the WEASEL chants. Londos’ dropkicks don’t do much good and he’s cut off with a headbutt. Link bearhugs him into the corner, where the turnbuckle breaks. We’re clipped to Link slamming the steps onto his own head as Heenan yells at him. Heenan has to stop him from ramming his head into the post as well. From what I can find, the match only ran about 1:33 and we saw 45 seconds or so. Quite the interesting choice for a cut there.

We go to a baseball stadium (this feels like Puerto Rico) and a man dressed as Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre has a chainsaw. We’re clipped to Leatherface brawling with a rather tall man and hitting something like a Randy Orton hanging DDT for the pin. This was less than a minute long.

Now we’re in a basketball arena (still looks like Puerto Rico) with Leatherface waving his chainsaw around while a masked man is in the ring. And we move on.

Gordon Solie (we’re in Florida) introduces us to a video from Kevin Sullivan as he and his Army Of Darkness stand on the beach (ah it’s this one). A shadowy man comes out of the water and comes up to Sullivan and company, with Sullivan saying that the Purple Haze is here to deal with Blackjack Mulligan and the Family. They scream a lot to wrap it up. Jim Cornette copied this pretty much step by step to introduce Leviathan to OVW.

Presumably still in Florida, Sullivan talks about people trying to come take him out but they have all been proven wrong. There is one thing left for him to find in Florida and now it is time for his team to take out Blackjack Mulligan and Superstar (I’m guessing Billy Graham). He has a special man coming to help him win the World Title.

Now we’re at ringside, with Sullivan talking about how his team has never gotten a World Title shot. He believes in his own convictions and the Chairman Of The Board (seemingly referencing Curtis Iaukea, who is here with the team) has warned him of the spiritual warfare in this world. Now he needs to control the World Title and that involves the next World Champion, Lex Luger. The interviewer doesn’t agree and Iaukea promises that these men will destroy everyone. He seemingly tries to hypnotize interviewer Buddy Colt, who wants nothing to do with this. Either way, they’re coming for Luger.

A woman is sitting on a dock with her back to us when Kevin Sullivan comes out of the water. He talks about a long swim from the river of the forgotten and he remembers that certain things can’t go together. The woman quietly chants as Sullivan talks about the fans chanting his name and thinking of…someone. Starrcade is coming and whomever he’s talking about is the one who sent him to the river of the forgotten.

It’s off to World Class, where Gary Hart introduces to the Great Kabuki. A lot of people will talk about how they’re going to hurt Kabuki but no one can beat him. Kabuki can destroy anyone and he’s here to do what Hart orders.

From sometime in World Class.

Kevin Von Erich vs. Great Kabuki

Von Erich starts fast and brawls Kabuki to the mat and they’re already on the floor. We’re clipped to Von Erich charging into a kick in the corner. Kabuki grabs a double armpit claw (apparently a thing) and Von Erich goes down. We’re clipped again to the brawl on the floor as Fritz Von Erich and Gary Hart almost get in a fight. They get back inside but here is King Kong Bunch to stomp on Fritz. The match is thrown out at 3:37 shown. I won’t be rating it due to all of the clipping, but it was the usual wildness from Dallas.

From Stampede Wrestling, we meet Zodiak (played by Barry O, as in Randy Orton’s uncle) and Jason The Terrible (a masked man who stands behind him and makes noises), with Zodiak talking about the planets and stars aligning to destroy all of the good guys.

From Stampede Wrestling, possibly on November 6, 1987.

Jason The Terrible vs. Hiroshi Hase

We’re joined in progress again with Jason hitting jumping knees to the face as commentary says he’s never seen Jason without his mask. Well then how do you know you’ve never seen him? We’re clipped to Hase grabbing a Sharpshooter but Zodiak throws powder and comes in for the DQ at 39 seconds shown.

Post match the big beatdown is on and Hase is left laying.

From ICW (the outlaw promotion in Kentucky), a voice says Radamaius is coming to take out all of the good guys around here.

It’s off to Mid-South and we see a video on Lord Humongous, who walks around a garage where a bunch of welding is taking place. We also get some clips of him squashing various people. This is definitely not Sid, but likely Jeff Van Camp, who wasn’t around long and never did anything but play Humongous. This goes on for a few minutes.

From Mid-South, likely in 1985.

Dick Murdoch vs. Lord Humongous

Murdoch gets sent down to start and hurts his elbow by elbowing Humongous’ mask. They go outside with Murdoch’s eye being busted open. Humongous sends him into the barricade and then back inside, where a cobra clutch finishes Murdoch at about 1:30 shown. Total decimation.

From Memphis, we meet Kamala (without a lot of the face paint) in a video narrated like a nature documentary (and shot in Jerry Jarrett’s backyard).

From Mid-South, possibly October 2, 1982.

Kamala vs. Tim Horner

Kamala chops him down to start and sends Horner flying with a choke toss. The splash finishes Horner at 45 seconds.

From some other time in Mid-South, Kamala breaks a 2×4 over Andre The Giant’s back and slams him without much trouble.

In Smoky Mountain Wrestling Prince Kharis (the wrestling mummy (it was the financial backer’s idea)) squashes Tim Horner. After the match, the Dirty White Boy comes in with a chair and Kharis shrugs it off.

Later, Darryl Van Horne (the future Sinister Minister/James Vanderberg) cuts off Kharis’ finger to show that the White Boy can’t hurt him.

And finally, from the debut of ECW On Sci-Fi, June 13, 2006.

Sandman vs. The Zombie

Zombie grunts a lot, Sandman canes him down and hits the White Russian Legsweep to win at 16 seconds. I knew this was going to be on here and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Overall Rating: C. See, this is what makes the Vault fun. Rather than doing the absolute run of the mill stuff like Undertaker, Kane, the Yeti and goofs like Mantaur, they actually looked into the depths and came up with some really cool stuff. The action wasn’t the point here, but rather a bunch of wacky things that only make sense in wrestling. It was short, to the point, and rather entertaining without overstaying its welcome. In other words, it was perfect for Halloween, save for maybe a bit too much Kevin Sullivan.

 

 

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ECW on TNN
Date: September 15, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

I’m hoping we can wrap up the final four episodes of this show in peace instead of the wild chaos that was last week’s show. We’re getting closer to Anarchy Rulz and this week we set up the main event as Steve Corino challenges Justin Credible for the ECW World Title. That could mean anything around here so let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week’s TV Title change.

Opening sequence.

Unholy Alliance vs. Julio Dinero/EZ Money

So Fantastico is now Dinero and his team has Chris Hamrick in the corner. The Alliance would be Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri. Mikey hurricanranas Dinero to start and the former champs start snapping off kicks to take over early on. Tajiri and Money trade standing moonsaults for two each before Tajiri just kicks Money square in the jaw. The heel trio’s (because of course they’re a heel trio) chick Elektra distracts Tajiri long enough for a low blow to take over.

It’s off to Dinero for a Samoan drop into a neckbreaker…..which is called the Jalapeno Popper. Again I say, of course it is. Mikey kicks Dinero in the head for a save and it’s Whipwreck cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Dinero gets abused in a Tree of Woe, because that spot isn’t used all the time around here. Chris Hamrick’s interference goes badly and a double brainbuster ends Dinero.

Rating: C-. Two things here. First of all, ECW goes WAY overboard naming its moves. There were probably ten moves in this match with a name, many of which were just basic moves that didn’t require one. It gets distracting, but that’s the case with a lot of things Joey does on commentary.

The second thing is how ECW’s booking screws them over. This was a mostly straight match with winners and losers. Unfortunately I spent most of the match waiting on the interference and insanity but since it never came, the match felt incomplete. That’s absolutely not on the wrestlers and the match was fine but ECW booking continues to cause problems for itself, especially when you have a regular match.

Joel Gertner makes tires/condom jokes for his weekly rhyme.

We look at the FBI winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

The Sinister Minister and the Unholy Alliance swear vengeance. Minister: “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Your souls for the ECW Tag Team Titles.” Tajiri: “This promo is OVER!”

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending but we’re not ready yet as Francine has a contract saying Jack Victory can’t be at ringside. Corino says his boy is gone before insulting Francine (whose reaction is great as always) and saying they’ve fallen into his trap. See, they’ll never be able to out heel them because his new manager is Dawn Marie.

They slug it out to start as Joey explains Corino going from a comedy guy to a World Title contender in a few months. You’re not helping yourself here chum. Corino knocks him into the crowd but gets low blowed back inside because Justin doesn’t know how to do much else. It’s already chair time with Corino going face first for two. Justin puts up a table as a platform between the ring and the barricade, only to have the girls get into it as Joel makes really stupid jokes.

Back in and Corino makes a comeback until Francine grabs his boot. The referee gets bumped (I still don’t get that spot in ECW) so here’s Loud E. Dangerously with the cell phone over the head. Cue Billy Corgan with a guitar to Lou’s head (Joel: “Corgan just smashed that pumpkin!”) and the superkick gets no count on Justin. That means it’s time for another table (for when one isn’t enough) with Corino grabbing a northern lights suplex through the wood for two.

We get the catfight for a bit before a bunch of cane shots have Steve in trouble. Of course that means blood as a big cane shot gets two. Old School Expulsion gets two as we fill in Justin’s Bingo card with “kick out of a finisher”. Corino throws in a bunch of chairs but Francine cuts him off. You would think Dawn might DO SOMETHING HERE but she just lets Francine get tombstoned. That’s Incredible on a chair retains Justin’s title.

Rating: C. The concept of making Corino look like a player worked here but giving Justin this much time isn’t the best idea. I do like the idea of a new face in the main event scene though but at some point he needs to actually win something over someone who isn’t Dusty Rhodes. Not bad or anything, assuming you can handle this much Justin Credible in a row.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s very, very clear that they were stretching stuff out (an ECW match getting nearly twenty minutes does not happen) to get an extra episode of TV out of this taping cycle. This was really just boring and waiting around until we have a pay per view main event set up. I mean, more wrestling is definitely good around here, but is there even a top story now that the Network is gone?

 

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ECW on TNN
Date: June 16, 2000
Location: Lawrence Convention Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re a month away from Heat Wave and a few matches have already been announced. That being said, it would be nice if we actually had something other than “ECW vs. Network brawl to end the show.” It doesn’t have to be anything great but they need to mix things up a little bit as things are really getting repetitive around here. Let’s get to it.

Sandman has been attacked and put in an ambulance.

Opening sequence.

Joey and Joel are cut off by Cyrus before Joel can get to his punchline about food. Cyrus wants to talk to Gertner but it takes a bit to get past the ECW/GERTNER chants. The problem is Gertner’s looks are killing the ratings so it’s time to get rid of him. Joel is tired of dealing with Cyrus using him to get over so it’s time to fight. Cyrus says there used to be a kid in his school that reminds him of Joel. Cyrus: “Do you know what I used to do to him?” Joel: “You used to suck his *#&$!” That earns Joel a slap to the face so he goes on a rant about how no one is here to see Cyrus so get to the point already.

The threat of being fired makes Joel apologize, but he means sorry that he has to take a blood test because Cyrus spat in his eye. Joel is ready to fight but Rhino runs in and Gores him. The usual suspects come in for the big brawl. We get the Van Dam vs. Anton showdown and you can hear people canceling their pay per view buys from here. This ate up the first fifteen minutes of the show after closing last week’s show. Well done.

Justin Credible gets in an argument with Rhino but Cyrus breaks things up.

Cyrus tells the medics that Gertner has an object lodged in his anus.

EZ Money vs. Kid Kash

Joined in progress as they speed things up early on. A headscissors from Kash gives us a stalemate but Money’s (who has bills hanging from his trunks) partner Chris Hamrick offers a distraction. Kash sends Money outside for a big flip dive and we take a break. Back (Joey: “On the Deliverance Channel.”) with Money hitting a modified piledriver, allowing Hamrick to add a guillotine legdrop. Kash’s moonsault press is countered into something like a reverse Razor’s Edge. A pinfall reversal sequence goes nowhere (likely because the pinfalls were reversed) and Kash hits a quick Moneymaker for the pin.

Rating: C. More cruiserweight style stuff here with Kash exchanging hurricanranas for actual wrestling or high flying skills. A win in a glorified handicap match makes Kash look good and that’s the best thing they can do when they’re trying to build up a new star. Not a good match or anything but it accomplished a goal, which is all it needed to do.

Kash gets beaten down until New Jack makes the save and does his usual insane stuff. He even hits Hamrick with an NES and uses a staple gun on Money for some blood. This goes on for a long time as we’re over halfway through the show. I get that the fans love New Jack and everything, but we’re half an hour in and we’ve seen an announcer get beaten down, a brawl we’ve seen over and over and an average match followed by a New Jack beatdown. If that’s the best they can do, maybe the show should be canceled.

Sinister Minister and his congregation (including Mikey Whipwreck, Balls Mahoney and a bunch of plants) rail against censorship. The Prodigette plays Monica Lewinsky underneath the podium and everyone starts laughing.

Credible and Rhino argue again with the same conclusion.

The Network wishes Jerry Lynn luck but he brushes them off. Joey, being an announcer, thinks this means a lot more than it seems. To be fair he’s probably right.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible

Justin is defending. They chop it out to start with Justin getting the better of it but being sent outside for a whip into the barricade. The fight heads into the crowd and thankfully there’s a camera to see them fighting in an open space. I can’t stand it when the brawl is really just their heads moving through the crowd. Lynn wins a slugout over the bloody champion and drives his knuckles into the cut.

They get back in with Francine passing in a chair for a delayed dropkick in the corner. A jumping knee to the head (he did used to be part of the Kliq) and we hit the chinlock. The fans want tables because New Jack and these two brawling in the crowd isn’t enough violence. Jerry fights up and they chop it out with Lynn getting the better of it this time and sending Justin outside for a big dive. A super hurricanrana through a table satiates the fans’ blood lust for a bit. The possibly ruined knees can be forgiven of course.

That’s only good for two on the champ though so Lynn sets up another table in the corner. Francine throws in a chair but the DDT only gets two. The fans yell about wanting the table but have to settle for Jazz throwing Francine inside. Jazz’s X-Factor gets two on Justin and here’s the Network to make this even messier. That’s Incredible gets two on Jerry as the Network takes Francine to the back.

The referee gets bumped (LIKE IT MATTERS) so there’s no count off the cradle piledriver. Rhino comes in and Gores Lynn through the table though it’s not clear who it was meant for. Either way it’s enough for…..I think a pin as the video is sent into the corner while an Arena Football on TNN ad covers up most of the screen. Seriously.

Rating: D+. I know it’s the ECW style but these way over the top matches full of interference and weapons are getting ridiculous. Even worse though, we STILL haven’t advanced anything as it’s still not clear if Lynn is Network or not. I’ve seen worse matches but they should be able to go more than a minute straight without some kind of shenanigans.

Overall Rating: D. For DO SOMETHING ALREADY! Heat Wave is getting closer and ECW clearly has no idea hot to actually build to a pay per view. I’m barely even sure what matches are taking place on the show as ECW has done almost nothing to promote it so far. Instead it’s all about fighting TNN and Heyman airing his grievances on TV every single week. The show wasn’t the worst but my patience is wearing thin with this promotion.

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