Global Warfare
Date: 1993
Host: Jimmy Hart
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

This is one of the Coliseum Videos released on the WWE Vault and I’m not sure what it’s going to be. It’s not the best time for the company as it’s in a transitional phase, with the New Generation coming in. That could go in a variety of ways and hopefully they don’t live down to this era’s reputation. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features bombs going off around the world as we seem to have a theme.

Jimmy Hart welcomes us to his home and says he’s excited about global warfare. That’s quite the odd statement to make. No one should know more about global warfare than him. That’s another quite the odd statement to make. Anyway, he talks about the theme songs (admitting he wrote them) of some of the wrestlers on the tape and brags about his music career. And now, to the first match.

From Sheffield, England, April 11, 1993.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is defending and this is from the UK Rampage 1993 show, which was only so good overall. Crush powers him around to start as the fans are already doing their deal with the horns, which can get rather annoying in a hurry. Some more power sends Michaels into the corner and Crush grabs him with a bearhug to take over again. A backbreaker has Michaels in more trouble but he wins a chase around the ring and hammers away.

Crush grabs a gorilla press slam and holds him there for WAY longer than should be done before sending Michaels outside. Back in and a knee to the back knocks Crush outside, where Michaels gets in a posting to really take over for the first time. A DDT gives Michaels two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and Crush blocks the superkick, setting up a legdrop…which sends Michaels bailing for the countout at 8:52.

Rating: C-. Yeah what else were they supposed to do here? Crush was on a roll and teasing getting the big Lex Luger push but you don’t want him to win the title. At the same time, it’s always a disappointing finish when someone just walks out, even if it makes sense for the options that they had available.

Post match Crush throws him back in for a beating, including the Head Vice. Crush holds up the belt like a moron, showing that he might have been perfect for the Luger push.

From Paris, France, April 8, 1993.

Yokozuna vs. Jim Duggan

Yokozuna, with Mr. Fuji, is less than a week after winning the WWF Title and losing it about a minute later. This is also singlet Duggan so you know it’s not going to be much to see. Duggan throws a chair inside and Yokozuna (in black for a weird but cool look) doesn’t really move. The right hands in the corner stagger Yokozuna a bit so Duggan grabs the 2×4, which is quickly taken away. Yokozuna chokes away on the ropes so Yokozuna comes back with more big right hands.

As usual, Yokozuna knows how to sell this stuff rather well and almost does the big fall before elbowing Duggan in the face. That sequence works so well that they just do it again, with Heenan suggesting that Duggan just hit Yokozuna in the face with the board. Instead he gets caught in a bearhug for a good while until Duggan bites his way out (Heenan: “THAT’LL WORK!”). Duggan avoids a charge into the corner and starts firing off the clotheslines to FINALLY knock him down. Fuji offers a distraction though and it’s a splash in the corner, setting up the Banzai Drop for the pin at 7:22.

Rating: C. It was basic and really simple with Duggan slugging away over and over, but dang he knows how to do that match rather well. There is something about Duggan that makes you want to see him knock a giant down. The match wasn’t good, but it was rather entertaining and that’s a good thing. At the same time, you could definitely see how much slimmer Yokozuna was here, with the tights clearly being padded to make him look bigger.

Hart is listening to music and professes his love of Coliseum Video. He also promises that Hulk Hogan will get the WWF Title back from Yokozuna. The other day, he and Hogan were in Boston and Hart wrote a new song using a Hulk pencil on a picture of Hogan. And yes, he’s wearing a Hogan shirt. Hart is nothing if not the biggest shill in wrestling history. Well one of them anyway.

From Barcelona, Spain, April 24, 1993.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Money Inc.

The Steiners are challenging and can’t get in the ring as IRS holds them off with the briefcase. The ring announcer says that if the Steiners aren’t allowed in and the briefcase isn’t taken to the back, the titles change hands. That’s enough for the Steiners to come in and clean house without much trouble.

We settle down to DiBiase headlocking Rick to start as the camera is staying rather wide for some reason. That’s reversed into a belly to belly for two on DiBiase and it’s already off to Scott to go after the arm. The camera goes to a LONG crowd shot, with Savage and Heenan both getting on him for not showing the match. We get back to the ring with DiBiase getting over for the tag to IRS, whose arm is cranked as well.

Scott uses the tie to take IRS down again as we shift to a normal camera shot as I’m rather confused by the whole direction so far. Anyway DiBiase sends Scott outside for a ram into some metal, allowing IRS to drop an elbow for two back inside. Commentary gets on the camera work again, even if things are at least somewhat settled down. DiBiase chokes Scott on the ropes and IRS gets in some cheap shots like a villain should be doing.

Scott fights out of a chinlock but goes the wrong way, with DiBiase almost feeding him into the right corner. Rick comes back in to clean house as everything breaks down. DiBiase’s piledriver is cut off and Scott adds a middle rope clothesline. IRS gets sent outside and the Frankensteiner hits DiBiase, only for IRS to come back in and….I guess the word would be tap Scott with the title for the DQ at 10:18.

Rating: C. The camera work was the focal point of this match and that’s a weird way to go. The venue was strange looking enough so maybe that’s why the camera stuff was so odd. Other than that, it was a rather just kind of there match with neither team exactly doing much. Then again, a Frankensteiner from Scott is always worth a look.

Post match the Steiners hold up the titles, marking the second time we’ve done the “they don’t know the rules” in three matches. It takes way too long to get on to the next match.

From Sheffield, England, April 11, 1993.

Mr. Perfect vs. Samu

Afa is here with Samu. They take their time to start and Samu shoves Perfect away, meaning they stare at each other again. Perfect’s headlock and a shoulder have Samu in a bit of trouble and he misses a crossbody. A crossbody works a bit better for Perfect (he is perfect after all) and some dropkicks have Samu on the floor, with the fans rather behind Perfect.

Back in and they tease a test of strength until Samu knocks him down to take over for the first time. A toss to the floor lets Afa get in a cheap shot, which has Perfect going after him. Heenan: “Come on Perfect, didn’t I teach you better than that?” Samu gets in a shot of his own, only for Perfect to go after the leg. That doesn’t work either as Samu and Afa both get in their own shots as the slow beating continues.

Samu hits a superkick, some headbutts to the head and a headbutt between the legs. As dull as this match has been, the fans are indeed staying with it so far. Perfect finally fights up and kicks away, only to get hit fairly low to cut off the comeback. A small package gives Perfect two but Samu knocks him outside. Perfect manages a quick crotching on the post to no avail but has to avoid a top rope splash. The PerfectPlex finishes for Perfect at 13:36.

Rating: C-. Thank goodness the fans were there to carry this as far as it got, as there was only so much for the whole thing. Perfect was beaten up here by half of a tag team. What else were you going to expect out of this kind of a setup? It was a match for the sake of letting the fans see Mr. Perfect, but it wasn’t much for anyone outside of the arena.

Hart is listening to Crank It Up (dig that Young Stallions song) and then brags about doing the song for Bret Hart’s next match.

From Barcelona, Spain, April 24, 1993.

Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow powers him around to start and then runs Hart over with a shoulder. Back in and Hart starts in on the arm and drops a leg onto it, allowing commentary to talk about wrestlers taping up fake injuries to trick their opponents. Something close to an elbow sends Bigelow to the floor and Hart gets to pose, which isn’t his style most of the time. This time Bigelow gets smart and rams him into the post, followed by a second shot to keep Hart down.

Back in and Bigelow stomps away as Hart is clearly near total destruction. The bearhug goes on back inside, with Heenan thinking a spinebuster could work well here. Instead it’s a big belly to back suplex for two and it’s off to an over the shoulder backbreaker. Hart slips out and manages his own suplex, which has Heenan losing his mind over Hart pulling that off.

Bigelow is right back up with a nasty butterfly backbreaker, only to miss the top rope headbutt. Hart fights up and hits the usual, setting up a middle rope clothesline. The sharpshooter attempt is broken up so Bigelow tries a bearhug, which is broken up with a bite to the face. Another belly to back attempt is cut off though and Bigelow crashes onto Hart. Back up and a splash misses in the corner, allowing Hart to grab a victory roll for the victory at 11:55.

Rating: B. It might not have been their King Of The Ring final but Hart knows exactly how to do a match like this. As usual, Hart felt like he was getting close to death before pulling off the miracle win in the end. Good stuff here, as Bigelow could do the monster role rather well, especially with this kind of an opponent.

From Paris, France, April 8, 1993.

Crush vs. Doink The Clown

Wrestlemania rematch. Doink hides underneath the ring to start but gets caught coming back in to to start the beating early. Crush knocks him outside and the chase is on, with Doink’s stomps not having much effect back inside. There’s an atomic drop to make Doink gyrate a bit and a figure four necklock has Doink down even longer.

Crush hits a backbreaker but misses a knee, giving Doink a needed target. The knee is wrapped around the post and Doink slowly stomp away in the corner. Crush finally fights up and knocks him to the floor, setting up the head vice. Doink slips out though and walks away for the countout at 8:15.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match in a series of them. The idea of Doink was that he would play mind games and mess with people but here he was just having a boring match. Also, if you want Crush to be seen as a big deal, maybe don’t have his two matches on the same tape end with the same finish.

Jimmy Hart is impressed by all of the new technology and then talks about Shawn Michaels, who isn’t in the next match.

From Milan, Italy, April 25, 1993.

Scott Steiner vs. IRS

Neither of their partners are here for a change. IRS hides in the ropes to start, which might not be the worst idea. A battle of wrist control sends IRS to the ropes again before he does manage to get in a shot to the head. Steiner is sent outside as JR complains about not being able to find a chicken fried steak last night. Back in and a powerslam into a headlock has IRS in trouble for a change and he bails again as they’re not exactly getting into a higher gear so far.

Back in again and Steiner takes him down by the arm, only for IRS to go outside AGAIN. This time IRS gets back in and they run the ropes a bit until Steiner is sent outside, because Heaven forbid they keep anything going. A ram into the steps keeps Steiner in trouble but he gets his knees up to block a splash. IRS bails into the corner as commentary talks about how we don’t have timeouts here. BECAUSE THIS MATCH HAS BEEN SO ACTION PACKED! Steiner charges into a boot in the corner and gets two with his feet on the ropes. The referee waves that off and Steiner gets a sunset flip for the pin at 10:06.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t so much that it was a bad match but geez this was boring. IRS wasn’t exactly known for keeping the pace up and the stalling did make sense as he was trying to keep Steiner from getting to a higher gear, but that doesn’t make it fun to watch. This tape hasn’t been much to see thus far and this didn’t help at all.

From Milan, Italy, April 25, 1993.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Mr. Fuji and Paul Bearer are here too. To say they stall for a good while here is an understatement, as Bearer takes nearly two minutes to get out of the ring. They stare each other down and Yokozuna’s shots to the head not doing much. The running DDT plants Yokozuna but he hits a clothesline to put Undertaker on the floor. A ram into the steps staggers Undertaker again and the big leg…does pretty much nothing back inside. Yokozuna hits a clothesline but Undertaker gets back up so it’s a bucket shot to Undertaker’s head for the DQ at 5:42.

Rating: D. Sweet goodness this the perfect way to wrap up this pretty terrible tape. They barely did anything, with over a third of the match being spent on them standing around and staring at each other before any contact. Then they just do another DQ, which is fine for the sake of not wanting Yokozuna to look weak, but GEEZ that’s a lot of non-finishes in one sitting.

Post match Yokozuna misses the Banzai Drop and gets “chokeslammed” (eh fair enough given the size) to send him running.

Hart gives us something of an inspirational message about never giving up and going for your dreams…and then praises Hulk Hogan, even posing to Real American to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D. As usual, leave it to Hart to have the only good match on a terrible collection of wrestling. I know it’s the European tour so things aren’t going to be up to their usual standards, but sweet goodness this was dull. It’s not a good sign when the second best part of a collection is how odd the arena in Paris looked. Just lame stuff all around and it’s easy to see why 1993 is not the best time the company ever had.

 

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One-Sided Beatdowns
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Paul E. Dangerously, Lance Russell, Joey Styles, Vince McMahon, Jim Cornette, Tony Schiavone, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Kevin Sullivan, Tommy Dreamer, Todd Grisham

So this is something that WWE put together on the Vault, which is basically a 40 minute collection of squash matches. That is the kind of thing which can make for some fun violence, as some of those squashed can be all kinds of entertaining. I’m going into this mostly blind so this should be good. Let’s get to it.

Little bit of a weird thing here: on YouTube, the identifications on some of the matches are all over the place, with Big E. being listed instead of Sid Vicious, a match with Bayley on commentary listing her in the match and some other names being nowhere near close. No idea what’s up with that.

From Monday Night Raw, December 10, 2001.

Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Spike Dudley

Undertaker is defending and Spike throws in a bunch of weapons before the bell, with Undertaker swatting a trashcan out of the air. Undertaker doesn’t care so Spike goes and sits on his motorcycle, which is enough to start the destruction. The beating begins on the floor and Spike is thrown inside for a hard right to the head.

Spike is tied in the Tree of Woe (which Lawler seems to have never heard of before) but he gets out for a low blow. Some trashcan lids to the head just annoy Undertaker, who smashes him in the head with the same lid. Undertaker drives a forearm over Spike’s face and the Last Ride onto a trashcan retains at 2:36. This wasn’t quite one sided but ticked off Undertaker can be most enjoyable.

Post match Undertaker chokeslams him over the top and out to the floor (OUCH).

From WCW Main Event, August 27, 1989.

Sid Vicious vs. Lee Scott

Sid hits a big clothesline and the fans are just going nuts for him. A gorilla press to the floor lets Sid throw him back inside. The helicopter slam sets up the powerbomb to complete the destruction at 1:30. This was GREAT as Sid absolutely massacred him.

From ECW On Sci Fi, August 1, 2006.

Kurt Angle vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Commentary doesn’t think much of Brawler’s chances. The ankle lock sends Brawler straight to the ropes to start so Angle beats him up there instead. A headbutt and ankle lock finish Brawler at 1:10.

From Monday Night Raw, June 19, 1995.

Shawn Michaels vs. Gus Kantarrakis

The name graphic has two R’s in the latter’s name but everything else I can find shows just one. Not a good sign when even the company can’t bother getting your name right. Michaels shoulders him down to start and runs the ropes…but has to stop and pick him up. They get back up and Michaels hits another shoulder so he can ride on Gus’ back for the comedy.

Michaels gets Gus to chase him on the floor and then has a seat in the front row. Gus’ cheap shot doesn’t work as commentary ignores the match to talk about celebrity news. Back in and Gus manages a right hand to the ribs and slows Michaels down but he easily sends Gus outside. A suplex on the floor has Gus in more trouble and the superkick knocks him silly out there as well. Back in and the fans want it one more time so Michaels basically Weekend At Bernie’s him into another superkick for the pin at 4:20.

Rating: C. Gus was another level of useless here as he had a weird look and Michaels was almost wrestling himself at times. That being said, this was the goofy Michaels who felt like a star no matter what he was doing and there was no way to avoid putting the title on him next year.

From WCW TV, May 10, 1986.

Midnight Express vs. Mulkey Brothers

Naturally Jim Cornette is here with the Express and even jumps on commentary. Condrey backdrops Randy to start as Cornette says tomorrow is Mother’s Day so he loves Mama Cornette…and wants his allowance. Randy is taken outside and suplexed onto the concrete before Bill comes in, only to be tossed outside as well. Back in and Bill’s face is rubbed into the mat as Cornette calls out Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA.

A belly to back superplex plants Bill again as Cornette WILL NOT SHUT UP, which is what made him a legend. Bill is sent hard into the corner and a butterfly suplex gives Eaton one, as he pulls Bill up over and over. Randy comes in and actually scores with some punches to Condrey, who suplexes him right back down. A good looking top rope elbow hits Randy and Condrey finally finishes with what would be better known as the Skull Crushing Finale at 4:53.

Rating: C+. The Midnights turned the tag team squash into an art form and the Mulkeys were some of the best targets they could have had. It wouldn’t have been right to leave the Midnights off of something like this as they really were great at what they did. Throw in Cornette ranting at everyone he could think of and it was a lot of fun.

From Monday Nitro, June 1, 1998.

US Title: Goldberg vs. La Parka

Goldberg is defending, gets hit in the head with a chair before the bell, and runs through him with the spear and Jackhammer to retain at 28 seconds. Well you knew Goldberg was going to be on this show.

From Monday Night Raw, July 25, 2016.

Braun Strowman vs. James Ellsworth

Ellsworth hides in the corner at the bell and then thinks it’s a good idea to come up swinging. Strowman throws him into the corner and hits a big boot to the chest, setting up a running splash. A reverse chokeslam finishes Ellsworth at 1:10. Yeah that worked.

From WCW TV, December 16, 1989.

Steiner Brothers vs. Cactus Jack Manson/Rick Fargo

Rick (Steiner, in case you thought Fargo mattered) backs Manson up against the ropes and then slaps the fire out of him. Believe it or not, Jack is kind of into the pain so Scott comes in for a backdrop. Manson fights up with an elbow for two but Scott knocks him outside rather quickly.

Back in and it’s off to Fargo and I don’t see this going well. Scott suplexes him down with ease and a super fall away slam drops Fargo again. We cut to some shots of the crowd and come back to Rick neck cranking Fargo, followed by some riding on the mat. Back up and the Steiner Line puts Fargo down again, setting up the Frankensteiner for the pin at 4:46.

Rating: C-. This was there for the sake of having the Steiners and Jack in the same match but there wasn’t much to it. The Steiners could beat up just about anyone and that’s what they did here. It just wasn’t that entertaining and was more about name value, but I can go with something like this on a big compilation.

From NXT, August 3, 2016.

Asuka vs. Aliyah

Bayley is on commentary but Asuka offers her a seat on the ramp to watch closer. Asuka snapmares Aliyah down as the fans sing for Bayley, whose confidence has been wrecked by Asuka taking the Women’s Title from her. A hip attack drops Aliyah again and Asuka chokes her in the ropes while looking down at Bayley. Another hip attack in the ropes drops Aliyah again and Asuka kicks her out of the air for two, with Asuka pulling her up. A Buzzsaw Kick sets up the Asuka Lock for the tap at 2:28. Nice story advancement with the squash.

From Sunday Night Heat, October 28, 2004.

Tyson Tomko vs. Shawn Riddick

Tomko powers him into the corner to start and hits a spinebuster before hammering away. Some forearms on the mat have Riddick in more trouble and Tomko throws him outside. Tomko isn’t having any of this comeback and kicks Riddick outside, which is enough for the referee to call it at 1:48. Riddick was bumping like crazy here.

From Superstars, February 6, 1993.

Beverly Brothers vs. Bob East/Pete Christie

The Brothers beat on the first one before handing it off to the second one. As we get a look at the latest WWF Magazine, the Brothers hit the Shaker Heights Spike (a flapjack into a faceplant) but the guy over rotates and comes down HARD on his head, thankfully for the pin at 1:28. That was on highlight reels for a good while and could have been a lot worse.

From WCW TV, March 3, 1990.

Kevin Sullivan/Buzz Sawyer vs. Robbie Idol/Zan Panzer

Sawyer is a known nutjob who takes over on Idol. Sullivan comes in for some chops and stomps Idol in the face. It’s back to Sawyer for more chopping before it’s off to Panzer, which makes Sawyer laugh. Sawyer sits on Panzer’s neck as we hear about various upcoming house shows. Sullivan ties Idol in the Tree Of Woe for the running knee and Sawyer, looking a bit nuts (understatement), adds his great top rope splash. Naturally Sawyer pulls him up at two and hits another splash but pulls him up again…and the referee disqualifies Sawyer at 4:13. For what? Beating him up too much?

Rating: C. Not great ending aside, this was another destruction with those splashes looking great. At the same time, Sullivan and his Slaughterhouse (also including Cactus Jack) never did much for me and that was the case again here. They’re a perfectly fine midcard monster team and that’s about it, which only gets them so far.

Post match Sawyer beats him up some more and Sullivan leaves, with a bunch of wrestlers having to come drag Sawyer off of Idol. They can’t quite do it though, instead picking BOTH of them up at once for a unique visual to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: B. I had a GREAT time with this and it is the kind of thing that shows just how much the people running the channel appreciate wrestling. They mixed in a huge variety here and some of them were incredibly entertaining. Just a great little package of fun stuff and worth a look if you want something to the point and exactly as advertised, with nothing breaking five minutes.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Randy Savage, Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett

So you might have seen this one before, as it is the premiere episode of the series as part of the celebration of the move over to Netflix. I’ve seen this one more than a few times but to call it historic would be an understatement, even if it might not have felt that way at the time. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney is outside and welcomes us to the show. Bobby Heenan tries to get inside but is told he’s been replaced by Rob Bartlett. There are no tickets left and he’s not getting in through the press entrance so yelling ensues.

Opening sequence.

Commentary runs down the card and Bartlett is already not funny.

Yokozuna vs. Koko B. Ware

Bartlett goes straight to the fat jokes, including saying Yokozuna has an “a** like amphitheater”. Ware gets shoved down a few times so he tries to get the fans behind him with the rhythmic clapping. That doesn’t work either, which shouldn’t be a major shock. The running shoulders have Ware bouncing off of Yokozuna and the big leg connects. Yokozuna crushes him in the corner and hits the Banzai Drop for the pin at 3:44.

Rating: C-. This was more the answer to a trivia question than anything else, with Yokozuna still being new around here and getting to destroy someone in the first match ever on Raw. There isn’t much to say about it either, as Ware was more known for his large pants at this point than anything else. Nothing match, and Bartlett’s jokes made it that much worse.

Bobby Heenan is very excited about Narcissus (Lex Luger, later named the Narcissist). Mr. Perfect is scared of the Narcissus, who will be debuted at the Royal Rumble.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

Scott hammers on #1 to start before handing it off to Rick for more of the same. #1 is sent into the corner as Doink The Clown is walking through the fans. Rick sends #1 into the post and grabs a belly to belly. Scott hits another one and the Steiner Bulldog finishes at 2:59. Total destruction.

Bobby Heenan, in drag, can’t get inside. Where did he get that costume?

Here is Razor Ramon for an interview with Vince McMahon. He’s ready to get the WWF Title from Bret Hart at the Royal Rumble and will win the title way faster than Bret ever did. We see a clip of Razor attacking Owen Hart on WWF Mania and now it’s time for him to take the title from Bret. Simple and to the point here, even if the title match was nothing memorable.

There is a Headlock On Hunger show coming up and Randy Savage doesn’t seem to have the card in front of him in a weird bit.

Tatanka is ready for the Headlock On Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is defending. Feeling out process to start as Bartlett makes an unfunny joke about a WWF version of an upcoming movie. Moon starts jumping over him and takes Michaels down with a jumping hammerlock to take over. We take a break and come back with Bartlett talking about Michaels pulling a knife during the break. Michaels drops him throat first across the top rope…and Doink walks out again as Bartlett “calls in” as Mike Tyson.

Michaels hammers away as the Tyson thing finally wraps up and we hit the chinlock. Moon fights up and sends him to the floor for a seated senton off the apron. Back in and the Tyson bit goes on again as Bartlett somehow does not get that it’s dying out there. Michaels hits the superkick and teardrop superkick to retain at 11:23.

Rating: C. This is a rare care where the match was fine but my goodness commentary dragged it WAY down. There was nothing funny about this and while I’m sure the Tyson impression made Vince laugh, it was distracting and another level of terrible. The match was ok, but no one watching was going to be able to focus on it because of the Tyson nonsense. Stop doing that.

Ad for WWF Mania. I could go for seeing some of that just for the flashbacks.

We get the Royal Rumble Report, with a focus on Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty. Michaels isn’t sure why Jannetty is getting a title shot, but Jannetty implies that Sherri will turn on Michaels during the match. That’s pretty much the story, with the Rockers not being mentioned.

Mr. Perfect is ready to win the Royal Rumble.

Mr. Fuji, with Yokozuna, is ready to crush everyone.

Jim Duggan isn’t sure if he’ll win, but he’ll give it all he’s got. Him winning the match a mere five years ago isn’t mentioned.

People are trying to get tickets for next week. Bobby Heenan’s beard disguise doesn’t work. Maybe he’ll try the roof.

We look at Kamala’s face turn over the weekend, as Reverend Slick convinces him to stand up to Harvey Wippleman and Kim Chee. If you need help standing up to those two goons, you’re already a lost cause.

Undertaker vs. Damian Demento

Undertaker starts fast and knocks him down, setting up Old School. Demento gets a boot up in the corner and hits a running shoulder to put Undertaker down again. That’s shrugged off and the Tombstone finishes Demento at 2:25.

Next week in a cage match: Woody Allen vs. Mia Farrow. I have no idea who this is supposed to appeal to but….no.

Doink The Clown isn’t scared of Crush, who comes out for a chase.

Heenan is allowed in as the show ends.

Overall Rating: C-. This is one of those shows where it is far more historic than memorable on its own. I’ve seen it a bunch of times over the years and there really isn’t anything that great on the whole thing. The wrestling is average at best and nothing on here makes you think it’s a special show.

At the same time, Bartlett is an absolute miss here and dragged the show WAY down. Now, that being said, I have seen a comment from Bartlett, who basically said he knew he was terrible in the role, but as a comedian, you can’t turn down a live mic on national television. Fair enough, but man alive did it not work. Overall, not a particularly good show, but that’s absolutely not the point here. This was about “this is the beginning” and that would be a huge understatement.

 

 

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Randy Savage Mixtape
Date: November 15, 2024
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino, Tony Schiavone, Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Eric Bischoff, Steve McMichael, Larry Zbyszko

All hail the WWE Vault channel. So this is something unique as it’s a three hour mash up of matches, promos and various things from throughout Savage’s career. There is going to be some fascinating stuff in here to go with some classics and that should make for a very interesting watch. If nothing else, it’s always nice to see something from one of the best ever. Let’s get to it.

We open with an undated Randy Savage promo talking about how he’s been turning around a lot lately, so of course he turns around as he talks. Honky Tonk Man hasn’t been speaking very highly about Savage lately (putting this around 1987) and while he can’t sing or dance, he can make romance. If Elizabeth is going right, he’s going left. OH YEAH. As usual, I have no idea what he was talking about but it made sense.

We go to what looks like an empty building where Savage, billed as the World Heavyweight Champion, meaning we’re in the ICW out of Lexington, Kentucky, is beating up what I’d assume is a job guy. The middle rope elbow (more like a regular elbow drop without a jump as it was a work in progress) connects and Savage goes to the floor. Savage talks about WKYT Channel 27 (that’s the Lexington CBS station) is going to love him. It had no audience but you could absolutely feel the charisma dripping from him and he had to wind up on the big stage sooner than later.

Here’s something a bit more familiar. From Wrestlemania VIII.

WWF Title: Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair

Flair, with Mr. Perfect, is defending. This is the co-main event of the show, with Savage coming after the title and revenge for Flair suggesting that he had a relationship with Elizabeth back in the day, sending Savage even more out of his mind. Savage jumps him on the floor to start fast with Perfect having to make a save. They get inside with Savage hitting a clothesline and hammering away in the corner as Heenan is going nuts on commentary. Flair gets in a backdrop to send Savage outside (in a great bump) and a ram into the apron makes it worse.

A delayed suplex gives Flair two and a belly to back gets the same as Heenan wants to see the alleged centerfolds of Elizabeth, as promised by Flair. The knee drop connects as Gorilla isn’t having any of Heenan’s chattering. Another suplex drops Savage and Flair stomps away as the slow pace continues. Savage tries to punch his way out of the corner and the fans go nuts, setting up a neckbreaker for a double down.

Heenan needs a drink as Flair goes to the top, only to get slammed down (with Savage on the bottom rope). Flair gets flipped in the corner and goes up, with Savage clotheslining him out of the floor. A clothesline puts Flair on the floor and Savage ax handles him into the barricade, with Flair clearly blading and getting in a good bit of trouble as a result.

The bloody head is sent into various metal objects and there’s a Flair Flop. Savage suplexes him on the floor as Heenan is BEGGING for the match to be stopped. Back in and a top rope ax handle sets up the big elbow but Perfect breaks up the count. The referee lets it go and gets bumped as Savage goes after Perfect, who throws Flair an object. A big right hand gives Flair two and Perfect gets in a chair shot to the knee.

That gives Flair a target but here is Elizabeth at ringside (with a bunch of people, including a young Shane McMahon, failing to stop her). Flair gets the Figure Four, with Perfect assisting, and the referee breaking it up when Savage turns it over. Flair chops away and says this one is for Elizabeth, but Savage gets in a right hand and rolls Flair up (with trunks) to get the title back at 18:02, sending Heenan into hysterics.

Rating: B+. Yeah it’s still great, with the fans absolutely going nuts at every single thing in the match. You don’t see that kind of heat ever and it was carrying an already good match that much higher. The place came unglued when Savage won and it’s still a pretty awesome feel good moment. This was one of the last true high points for Savage in the WWF but he could more than still go, which makes his move to commentary all the more ridiculous. Anyway, awesome match even after I’ve probably seen it a hundred times.

Post match Flair goes after Elizabeth so she slaps him, sending Savage right back into the frenzy. Perfect gets back in as well and the beating is on (with blood on the back of one of the agents’ suits for a slightly disturbing visual). Flair and Perfect are sent to the floor and Fink gets to announce Savage as ONCE AGAIN the WWF Champion (no NEEEEEWWWWW but good enough). Pyro goes off and dang this would have made a great Night One main event if that was a thing back in the day.

And now, a Randy Savage music video, talking about how Savage gets the party jumping, looking (and feeling) probably from around 1993.

From WCW Worldwide, January 31, 1998.

Randy Savage vs. Ultimo Dragon

Elizabeth is here with (NWO) Savage and my goodness this is the kind of rarities I love from WWE. Savage teases a handshake and then kicks him in the ribs as commentary talks about how there aren’t as many old wrestling venues anymore. Dragon hits a dropkick but misses a second, only for Dragon to do his corner headstand. Some rapid fire kicks have Savage in trouble but he knocks Dragon back down. Elizabeth gets in some choking and Savage drops him throat first on the top. The big elbow finishes at 2:30. Not a squash, but Savage was never in any danger.

From what sounds like 1995, Savage says he beat the Zodiac and is ready for Hulk Hogan. Oh and Gene Okerlund’s mustache is crooked. Gene isn’t sure about that one and they’re out.

From 1985, with Savage in the ring with all of the heel managers who had been recruiting him. Savage thanks them for everything they taught him, only to introduce his new manage: Elizabeth. Bruno Sammartino on commentary asking if she’s a movie star is a bit creepy but it put over the idea well.

From a Superstars dark match, January 5, 1987.

Randy Savage/Honky Tonk Man vs. Hulk Hogan/Ricky Steamboat

Well that’s about the facest team that ever faced (and apparently they only teamed six times, mainly on house shows). Jimmy Hart and Elizabeth are here too. Savage throws in a chair and hits the referee by mistake and we start (minus a bell) with Honky Tonk being sent into a boot in the corner. Savage won’t tag in so Steamboat hits a crossbody for two.

Hogan comes in and Savage goes to yell at Elizabeth for some reason, with Hogan throwing him back in for a tag to Honky Tonk. Steamboat chinlocks Honky Tonk and hands it back to Hogan, with Honky Tonk bailing as fast as he can. An atomic drop out of the corner cuts off Honky Tonk’s comeback and it’s back to Steamboat for a sleeper. Savage finally gets in a cheap shot from the apron and now he’s willing to come in with a top rope ax handle.

Honky Tonk’s middle rope fist drop connects and he sends Steamboat outside for a slam on the floor while Savage offers a distraction. Back in and they ram heads, allowing Steamboat to get over for the tag off to Hogan. House is quickly cleaned and Steamboat hits the top rope chop but Honky Tonk shoves him off the top. Savage tries to bring in the bell and throws the referee down for cutting him off, which is enough for Steamboat to grab the bell instead. Savage and Elizabeth run off so Hogan and Steamboat beat up Hart as the match is thrown out at around 11:00.

Rating: C+. Oh like this wasn’t going to be a blast. It’s a match that they could have fun at a hundred house shows as the story is pretty much built in. Hogan could do anything and get cheered to the moon here while Savage and Honky Tonk Man had all of the heat. The match was exactly what you would expect and it didn’t need to be anything else.

From Tuesday Night Titans (Savage is Intercontinental Champion so this is probably 1986) with Gene Okerlund hosting for some reason. There is a doctor here who has been researching great macho stars and now he has done a study on Savage. We get a video of Savage on a psychiatrist’s couch for a word association game. After making sure it’s non-title, we’re ready to go (with the word and then Savage’s response):

Macho – “The Macho Man Randy Savage.”

Interesting – “Oh yes I am!” Then Savage realizes that’s not one of the words and accepts the doctor’s apology.

Pump – “Pumping iron.”

Gun – “Fastest gun in the east, west, south and north.” Why he points down on “north” isn’t clear.

Muscle – “Don’t help me, don’t help me, no problem.”

Belt: “Yeah that’s what I’m going to do to Hulk Hogan when I see him.”

Sweat – “Blood sweat and tears all rolled into one. That’s why I’ve got this.” as he holds up the title.

Kitten – “What women turn into when I look at them.”

Female – “The race of people that admire and lust after the Macho Man. Ask Elizabeth.”

Stud – “You’re looking at him right now in vivid living color.”

Sucker – “Hulk Hogan. That was a good one.”

Animal – “What do you mean animal???” Savage goes nuts at the mention of George Steele and storms off.

Total insanity as usual and I cannot imagine this was scripted in any way. It felt like they just told Savage to go nuts and that doesn’t seem too difficult.

From Monday Nitro, May 6, 1996.

Hugh Morrus vs. Randy Savage

Morrus jumps him on the floor to start and drops him onto the barricade as commentary talks about Ric Flair making Savage nuts. Morrus sends him into various things on the floor and PUTS ON SAVAGE’S HAT, which is enough to start the comeback. Savage chokes him with the shirt over the ropes and the match is thrown out at 2:58. More of an angle than a match, and oddly one of three matches these two had on Nitro over the years.

Post match Savage keeps up the beating and drops the elbow before beating up the referee as lair has driven him this crazy. The cops come in and Doug Dillinger says Savage needs to “check yourself into an institution.” The bell ringing over and over probably isn’t helping his mental state.

Savage kisses an Easter Bunny. Ok then.

From July 30, 1991, a dark match from a Wrestling Challenge taping. Ignore that Savage lost his career back in March at Wrestlemania and wouldn’t be reinstated until November.

Randy Savage vs. Undertaker

From what I can find, their only non-house show match ever. Savage strikes away in the corner to start and hits the big clothesline out to the floor. Undertaker lands on his feet and hits a Stunner over the ropes, with Paul Bearer declaring it all over. Undertaker chokes on the ropes and chokes some more in the air as Bearer says there will be no wedding at Summerslam.

We’ll go back to choking on the ropes and then onto the mat as Undertaker is really varying it up here. Savage fights up but charges into a knee in the corner, setting up Old School. A big running elbow misses though and Savage knees him out to the floor for the ax handle….and we don’t have the end of the match filmed. We saw about 7:00 and Savage eventually won by pin.

Rating: N/A. I won’t rate an incomplete match but it wasn’t anything great. It’s disappointing to not see the ending but I’ll take what I can get. This is the definition of a rarity and something that is rather cool to see, as those two could have done some good things together. Savage was still a few months away from coming back full time and he didn’t get to do much here, but the fans were still with him all the way.

From the ICW or maybe Memphis days, Savage drops an elbow into a pool.

We see some bloopers from the filming of the earlier music video.

From WCW Saturday Night, January 28, 1995.

TV Title: Randy Savage vs. Arn Anderson

Savage is challenging and Anderson has Colonel Robert Parker and Meng with him. An armdrag into an armbar has Anderson down to start and he has to roll his way out of a sleeper. Anderson shoulders him down for two but Savage drops a knee to send Anderson bailing to the floor. Meng’s distraction doesn’t work as Savage elbows Anderson in the face, only to get taken down back inside.

The chinlock has the fans bringing Savage back up but a running elbow drops him again. Back up and they ram heads for a double down before Anderson has to break up another sleeper. They slug it out from their knees as even Heenan is praising Savage for doing anything to win. The fight heads outside with Anderson being posted as we have five minutes left in the fifteen minute time limit.

Back in and Parker gets in a cheap shot, allowing Anderson to grab a chinlock. Savage jawbreaks his way to freedom and knocks Anderson to the floor with two minutes left. Anderson rolls through a high crossbody for two but Savage’s running clothesline gets the same. We have a minute left as Anderson can’t hit the DDT. Parker’s distraction lets Anderson hit a quick suplex but Savage drops him again. The top rope elbow gives Savage the pin at 15:15, meaning that he wins the match but not the title (as the title was only on the line for the first fifteen minutes, an old rule that allowed such finishes).

Rating: B. This got really good near the end as the time limit was becoming a big factor. I was wondering how they were going to get out of this one and I’ll take this over some lame DQ. These two worked well together, which isn’t surprising given how good they were, but you didn’t see them in the ring very often. Good match, especially on free TV.

Post match the Stud Stable comes in to beat Savage down but Dustin Rhodes and Sting make the save.

We get the famous Cream Rises To The Top/Cream Of The Crop promo, with Savage holding up a cup of cream and blames Jack Tunney for Ricky Steamboat being the Intercontinental Champion. He’s coming for the WWF Title.

A quick vignette shows Savage picking up a woman from a bench. The screen behind theme is white so I’m guessing it was part of some bigger video.

From a Superstars dark match, December 4, 1991.

Randy Savage/Jim Duggan/Roddy Piper vs. Ric Flair/Jake Roberts/Undertaker

Well ok then. Piper takes Flair into the corner to start but Flair leapfrogs (!) him and gets knocked to the floor for a breather. Roberts comes in to face Piper (that’s a weird one) but wants Savage. Piper: “You want him? You’re stupid!” It’s off to Savage, who clears Roberts out in a hurry before Undertaker comes in to choke Duggan. The big right hands get Duggan out of trouble (and actually look good on someone as big as Undertaker) but the neck snap over the top cuts off the comeback.

Duggan gets beaten into the corner but again slugs his way out, allowing the tag back to Piper. Flair’s poke to the eye lets Undertaker come back in for some choking, followed by some good old taunting from Roberts. The fans chant USA (for the Canadian born Scottish star) but oddly enough it works, allowing Savage to come in for a really fast comeback. Savage plants Flair and drops the big elbow for the pin at 8:48.

Rating: C+. Another fun match here and that’s what it needed to be. It was an easy way to send the fans home happy with Savage pinning Flair, who was still pretty new at this point. Duggan slugging away was good enough, even if he was pretty low down on the totem pole. This was the kind of random match I want from something like this and it worked well.

NWO Savage is in a parade and references Harvard, which might be him being named Hasty Pudding’s Man Of The Year (it’s a Harvard theatrical group).

Elizabeth brings Gene Okerlund to the pool for a sitdown interview with Savage. He’s very good at wrestling and no he didn’t get rich by “stealing” the Intercontinental Title. Now he wants the WWF Title and hey look there’s an airplane going by and he’s not on it because there’s no title defense up there (that was as random of a Savage moment as you’ll get).

Savage is still ready to come after Hulk Hogan and Gene asks Elizabeth about her recent activities, like golf, tennis and swimming. That lack of attention doesn’t work for Savage,, but Elizabeth gets a phone call, with a “national women’s publication” offering Savage half a million dollars for a centerfold. That’s a no and the publication can wait awhile.

Another call is from Japan, with a promoter offering $400,000 for Savage to wrestle three men. That’s a no as well but he’ll beat all three of them right here for nothing. This was on a Coliseum Video before (probably one about Savage) and it’s still good, with Savage being totally insane and making it work.

From Championship Wrestling, September 28, 1985.

Randy Savage/Jesse Ventura vs. Mike Rice/Mario Mancini

Elizabeth is here too and Savage orders her into the corner. Ventura takes Mancini into the corner for some shots from Savage and a kick to the back of the head. Rice comes in and Ventura drops a leg, setting up the elbow to complete the squash at 1:43.

Post match Ventura gets in a shouting match with broadcaster Bruno Sammartino.

WWF Champion Randy Savage and Elizabeth are in Paris. That’s it.

From Monday Nitro, January 20, 1997.

Savage storms the ring and throws a chair inside, saying he’s been blackballed and isn’t leaving until someone talks to him. He has a seat and shouts that HE’S WAITING so here is Chavo Guerrero Jr., who is scheduled for the opening match. Chavo begs Savage to leave but Savage isn’t budging, eventually taking Chavo out with ease. Chavo’s opponent, Maxx Muscle, comes in and gets laid out as well.

The referee gets beaten up, as does head of security Doug Dillinger. Alex Wright is the next victim so here are the Steiners and the Amazing French Canadians, none of whom are willing to get in. Sting lowers from the rafters (in front of the Chicago Bulls’ championship banners for a great visual) and gets in but Savage still isn’t getting out of the chair.

Sting hits the chair with the bat and then hands it to Savage, turning his back on him for the offer of a free shot. With Savage not swinging, they get out and leave through the crowd. I remember watching this life and it made Savage look like a killer. Then he turned on Sting and joined the NWO, which did make sense but was kind of disappointing as everyone was doing it.

We get a sitdown interview with Savage (looks 1993ish) where he talks about getting the Macho Man nickname during his baseball career.

Savage was in a WWF softball game and, believe it or not, hits a home run.

Gene Okerlund is cut off by Savage talking a million miles an hour, speaking about sprinkling magic dust and never worrying about the future. Savage: “Doing the thing and bang bang!”

From Superstars in 1991, Savage talks about returning to the ring at Summerslam…and then he proposes to Elizabeth. Piper: “GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!” Elizabeth isn’t sure what to say, but then goes with the only possible answer: “OH YEAH!” This is still one of the best long form stories in WWF history and while it peaked at Wrestlemania, this was a great next step.

From (I’m assuming) Smoky Mountain Wrestling, Savage and Jim Cornette have a go-kart race. Savage destroys him as Cornette screams a lot. Cornette gets out and gets lapped before Savage chases him off the course. More goofy fun.

From….I have no idea actually but it appears to be a rematch from Wrestlemania III, putting it in the spring/early summer of 1987.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

Savage, with Elizabeth of course, is challenging (I think). A lockup doesn’t go anywhere so Savage armdrags him down and points. Back up and Steamboat knocks him to the floor, with Savage needing a breather. Savage comes back in and elbows him in the head, meaning Steamboat goes to the floor for a change. Back in and Savage stomps away, sending him right back outside.

Steamboat gets back in and grabs the small package for the hope spot but Savage is out this time. A high crossbody is rolled through and Steamboat’s head gets tied in the ropes for a….well not really a breather in this case. With that broken up, Steamboat fights back but gets kicked in the face to cut that off in a hurry. Another shot to the face gives Steamboat three but Savage’s foot is in the ropes.

Some rollups give Steamboat two more, with a kickout sending the throat into the ropes. Savage misses a running crotch attack, allowing Steamboat to hit the top rope chop for two. They hit heads for a double down so Savage grabs the belt…which only hits turnbuckle, bouncing back into his face. Steamboat steals the pin to retain at 10:52.

Rating: B. I was worried coming into this one as I’ve seen rematches between them before and they really weren’t very good. This was quite different from what they did at Wrestlemania and that’s a heck of a trick, as it’s a rematch of one of the best matches ever. It was almost weird to see them doing something that wasn’t their classic match, but this was a nice, different direction.

Savage is ready to win the Intercontinental Title from Tito Santana, who is nothing but garbage compared to him. And yes, of course he has a trashcan with him, because Savage is good enough to realize that something that small was memorable. Santana is like a grain of sand in the Sahara desert and Savage is the entire desert.

From Monday Nitro, March 25, 1996.

Randy Savage vs. Belfast Bruiser

Bruiser is better known as Finlay. Savage shoves him away to start but gets caught in an early chinlock. Bruiser’s rough uppercut forearms just wake Savage up and he knocks Bruiser hard to the floor. That’s fine with Bruiser, who drops him onto the barricade and sends him over said barricade for a bonus. Back in and Savage avoids a charge into the post, setting up the big elbow for the pin at 5:06.

Rating: C+. This is a match that would have been rather different once Finlay developed his reputation but for now, it was mostly Savage getting beaten up and then hitting the elbow for a miracle win. In other words, just about all he did around this time. Savage could only do so much with his bad arm and while this wasn’t bad, it never really got going.

We get a quick (as in like ten seconds) rehearsal of Savage’s entrance from Wrestlemania IX with the arena empty for a weird visual.

From UK Rampage 1992.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Savage

Savage is defending and has Elizabeth to counter Sensational Sherri. Heenan thinks Savage is either brave or stupid for coming in here on a bad leg. They fight over a lockup to start before Shawn sends him into the corner. Savage gets up a knee to cut off the charge though and Shawn needs a breather. The delay doesn’t work for Savage, who throws in a chair so we can reset things a bit. Some shoulders drop Savage but he’s right back with a clothesline to the floor, setting up a top rope ax handle.

With Savage occupied, Sherri goes after Elizabeth, which is broken up in short order. Shawn is right there for the save and sends Savage into the post to take over. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gives Shawn two and a swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. Savage is back with a shot to the face for two and Sherri is already panicking.

A big knee sends Shawn to the floor for a top rope ax handle, followed by another for two back inside. Savage tries it again but gets punched out of the air, setting up a hard clothesline for two. The superkick (not yet a big deal) gives Shawn two and the top rope fist drop sends Savage back to the floor. Back in and Shawn throws him over the top again, with Sherri getting in a hard kick of her own.

Savage gets back in and accidentally runs the referee over, meaning the top rope elbow gets no count. The referee is pulled back in for a VERY delayed two so Sherri gets on the apron, with Elizabeth shoving her down. Savage hits a high crossbody for two, followed by Shawn grabbing a top rope sunset flip for two. Back up and Savage hits another high crossbody for the pin to retain at 16:15, making me wonder if they didn’t get the right finish on the first one.

Rating: B. I’ve seen this one a few times before and it’s easy to see why Savage wanted to do something big with Shawn. You could see flashes of what Shawn would become later on and Savage was wise to want to be in on that. The match was good and let Shawn get a chance to rub elbows with the legend, which made for a rather nice showcase for both of them.

Post match Shawn jumps Savage again but Sherri’s boot shot misses, allowing Savage to clear the ring.

Overall Rating: A. Oh of course this was great as it’s exactly what I wanted out of something like WWE Vault. It’s a great mixture of stuff I’ve seen before and a bunch of rare/unreleased stuff without going with a bunch of stuff we’ve seen before (Wrestlemania III or IV). This was excellent and a real treat that had me wanting to see what was next, which isn’t a feeling I get very often. Definitely worth a look if you want to see one of the best ever.

 

 

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Beach Blast 1992
Date: June 20, 1992
Location: Mobile Civic Center, Mobile, Alabama
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jesse Ventura

This is one of those shows that is rather widely revered among WCW fans and I’ve raved about it myself for quite a long time. I haven’t looked at it in a very long time so it feels a redo is in order. The show has quite the stacked card, including Sting vs. Cactus Jack, Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat in an Iron Man match and quite the different choice of main event. Let’s get to it.

The opening sequence is just a quick rundown of what’s coming. I remember loving that muscle made of water logo as a kid and it still looks pretty nice.

Tony Schiavone and Eric Bischoff welcome us to the show and bring in Bill Watts (the boss) for a chat. He’s glad to see what is happening tonight, starting with the Light Heavyweight Title and ended with the Tag Team Titles. Yeah the Tag Team Titles are main eventing because Watts is kind of a weird guy. He also explains the big stipulations for later, which isn’t a bad idea.

Jesse Ventura is on the stage with a variety of swimsuited women. The four of them escort him down to the ring, looking as thrilled as you would expect.

Light Heavyweight Title: Brian Pillman vs. Scotty Flamingo

Flamingo, who would stick with the bird theme by becoming Raven, is challenging. They fight over a lockup to start and go absolutely nowhere early on. The grappling goes to Pillman, who gets a hammerlock and then does it again for a bonus. Flamingo makes the rope for the break as Jesse goes on a rant about not being the emcee for the bikini contest between Missy Hyatt and Madusa. Pillman isn’t having any of Flamingo throwing punches and knocks him into the corner before going with the hammerlock again.

The short armscissors stays on the arm, which Jesse dubs a wear down hold. Back up and Pillman hiptosses him into the corner as Ross reminisces about Danny Hodge. The arm cranking is on again but Flamingo manages to fight up, only to get dropkicked and tied into the ropes. Pillman knocks him out to the floor, where there are no mats because Bill Watts is kind of nuts.

Back in and Pillman goes up but stops because coming off the top is a DQ (another weird Watts rule) so Flamingo sends him through the ropes for a dive (because throwing someone over the top is a DQ and coming off the top is a DQ, but throwing yourself over the top is fine). Back in and a middle rope shot to the back gives Flamingo two before he drives some forearms into the chest.

A quick sunset flip gives Pillman two of his own but Flamingo is right back with the chinlock. That includes some cheating and commentary actually breaks down how much it helps, which is a level of dedication you don’t see very often. Pillman fights up and avoids a charge in the corner, leaving Flamingo down for a change. Not that it matters as Pillman can’t fight up and Flamingo is right back with the chinlock.

That’s reversed into a sleeper but Flamingo escapes for a double down, leaving Jesse to yell about Pillman not wearing Flamingo down enough first. We get the fifteen minute call less than fourteen minutes in and Flamingo rakes the eyes to put him down again. Flamingo goes to the middle rope (you can hear Ross having to catch himself because he’s expecting the top) but gets dropkicked out of the air.

The comeback is on with Flamingo being sent into the buckles, at least until he comes back with a powerslam (with trunks) for two. Pillman’s leg seems to be in trouble but he’s fine enough to catch Flamingo with a belly to back superplex for two more. A clothesline to the back of the head drops Flamingo again and Pillman sends him onto the ramp. Air Pillman misses though and Pillman’s face hits the ramp HARD. Back in and Flamingo drops a middle rope knee for the pin and the title at 17:30.

Rating: B. Lack of being able to go up top aside (because Watts), it was a rather awesome opener, complete with Flamingo winning clean (that’s VERY Watts) and becoming a much bigger star as a result. That being said, the Light Heavyweight Title was little more than a belt for about three people, but it did give us some pretty awesome action around this time. Rather good stuff here and one of the best of Flamingo’s career.

Here is Johnny B. Badd to start the bikini contest, with Jesse questioning if Badd even likes girls. We have three rounds, stating with evening gowns (as you wear on the beach). They both come out, they walk the ramp, Madusa is in some weird wedding dress kind of deal with a veil, you can pay to vote on the Hotline, more on this later.

The Great American Bash is coming with Sting vs. Vader and A LOT of tag matches.

Ron Simmons vs. Taylor Made Man

Schiavone and Bischoff give us a bit of a preview for this match, which seems like some major overkill. That would of course be Terry Taylor, but now he’s dressed really nicely. We get an extended set of referee’s instructions as this match is getting WAY more focus than it requires. Jesse fills in time by asking what you Simmons can open with the key to the city that he received earlier today. Simmons powers him into the corner without much trouble to start and some three point shoulders have Taylor in more trouble.

They go to the ramp where Simmons atomic drops him (no funny sell, which seems appropriate here) into a gorilla press. That lets Simmons throw him over the top and back inside, which has Jesse questioning the DQ rules as well. Back in and Simmons grabs the bearhug for a bit, only to miss another of those running tackles to send himself outside again. The chinlock with a knee in the back has Simmons in trouble but he fights back up with a spinebuster. This lets Ross talk about college football, which granted isn’t a hard path to get him to take. Back up and a snap powerslam finishes for Simmons at 7:09.

Rating: C. This was the kind of match you would see filling in time on pay per views back in the day, meaning it was watchable enough and not much more. Simmons is on his way up and felt like a big star here, which makes his World Title win a few months later all the less surprising. As for Taylor….well his entire gimmick is built around how nicely he’s dressed, so you should know where he is here.

Post match Simmons says his goal is still to be the best that he can be. It doesn’t matter what color you are or what poverty level you’re at, you can be the best if you work at it every day. That’s downright wholesome.

Greg Valentine vs. Marcus Alexander Bagwell

As usual, Ross gets to name drop Sprayberry High School, which is the one thing that they hammered in about Bagwell for years. Valentine backs him into the corner to start but gets armdragged down, much to Valentine’s annoyance. Some elbows stagger Bagwell, who is back with an atomic drop into a dropkick to send Valentine outside.

Back in and the fans approve of Valentine’s clothesline, only for Bagwell to avoid a really slow middle rope elbow. Valentine is fine enough to go after the knee but it’s too early for the Figure Four. Some rollups give Bagwell two each and a suplex gets the same as this isn’t exactly taking off. A backdrop gives Bagwell another two but Valentine kicks the knee out. The shinbreaker sets up the Figure Four to give Valentine the win at 7:17.

Rating: C-. What in the world was this doing on pay per view? You have a long established veteran like Valentine beating a much younger and more marketable star like Bagwell clean? I really don’t get this one and it was one of the bigger headscratchers that I’ve seen in a good while, even from early 90s WCW. The match wasn’t even that good as it was slow (yes, in a valentine match) and felt like it was there to fill in time.

Commentary hypes up Sting vs. Cactus Jack, Falls Count Anywhere, without actually showing Sting, or saying WHY they’re fighting. Basically Jack was one of the people Lex Luger had sent after Sting and now that Luger is gone, Sting is tying up some loose ends before having the big title defense against Vader next month.

Sting vs. Cactus Jack

Falls Count Anywhere and Sting’s World Title isn’t on the line. They go at it on the ramp to start and Sting gets an early two off a backslide. A backdrop on the ramp and a bulldog have Jack in trouble (that ramp is LOUD) but he avoids the running splash to send Sting into the ropes (rather than the barricade for a change). The elbow off the apron crushes Sting again and a sunset flip off the apron (remember, no mats) gets two more. Back up and they trade rams into the barricade until Jack is sent out into the crowd, with Sting diving onto him.

A suplex onto the concrete gets two as Ross is losing his mind at this stuff. They get in the ring for the first time and Jack takes out the shoulder, leaving Jesse stunned that they’ve been in the ring this long. We hit the bodyscissors and Jesse calls it amazing because “HE’S ACTUALLY WRESTLING!” Back up and the Cactus Clothesline sends them outside again, where Jack dents a chair over Sting’s back for a nasty visual.

As Jesse tries to figure out why in the world Sting agreed to do this, Sting belly to back suplexes Jack onto the exposed concrete for two. They do a pinfall reversal sequence on the concrete until Jack hot shots him onto the barricade. A piledriver on the floor doesn’t work as Jack’s knee gives out (with commentary being smart enough to explain why Sting is ok) and Jack’s middle rope elbow only hits concrete.

Sting fights up and slams him on the ramp, where he gets a chair of his own. A series of chair shots look to set up the Scorpion Deathlock but Jack turns it over and they crash off the ramp. The double arm DDT connects back on the ramp for a delayed two but Sting pops up and hits a running clothesline. A top rope clothesline is enough to give Sting the pin on the ramp at 11:24.

Rating: A-. This worked because it was a fight instead of a match and that’s what it needed to be. Jack was a different kind of opponent (one who didn’t care about being champion) and it made Sting go in another direction, on we hadn’t seen before. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in 1992 and it holds up today, with Jack looking insane and Sting going right along with him. This would have fit in perfectly in the Attitude Era, making it not only great but also ahead of its time, which is not something you often see.

Tony and Eric preview the Iron Man match. I have no idea why we need them when we already have Ross and Jesse.

Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat

30 minute Iron Man match and Rude’s US Title is not on the line. Steamboat starts fast and hits a gutbuster, which has Rude in early trouble. A running shoulder to the ribs in the corner has Rude cringing, with Jesse sounding rather worried. Steamboat strikes away at the ribs, with Ross saying Steamboat is “sensing” that Rude is injured. Jesse: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN SENSING???”

We hit the bearhug, which always looks weird from someone Steamboat’s size. Steamboat takes him into the corner and Rude finally gets in a knee to the ribs for a needed breather. The injury won’t let Rude follow up though and Steamboat grabs something like a bow and arrow. That’s switched into a Boston crab and Rude is in trouble all over again.

The rope is almost reached so Steamboat lets go and drives some knees into the ribs as Jesse is not pleased with the extra viciousness here. Some kicks to the ribs have Rude in even more trouble and a gordbuster makes it even worse. Back up and Steamboat charges into a knee in the corner, with Rude grabbing a rollup with tights for the first fall at 7:42.

Rude – 1
Steamboat – 0

Rude gets smart and grabs the Rude Awakening for the second fall at 8:40 total.

Rude – 2
Steamboat – 0

Rude goes up top with a knee for a DQ at 9:50 total.

Rude – 2
Steamboat – 1

Then Rude rolls him up for the pin at 10:13 total.

Rude – 3
Steamboat – 1

We hit the reverse chinlock, which has Ventura rather pleased as it makes a good bit of sense at this point. Some knees to the back have Steamboat in more trouble and we’re right back to the reverse chinlock. This time Steamboat powers out with an electric chair drop but a splash hits raised knees. A swinging neckbreaker gives Rude two and, after absorbing some chops, he grabs a chinlock with fifteen minutes left. Another comeback is cut off by a knee to the ribs and Rude hits a nice piledriver for two. Rude tries a Tombstone but Steamboat reverses into one of his own to get things closer at 17:41 total.

Rude – 3
Steamboat – 2

Rude goes up again but gets superplexed down, which isn’t a DQ because….well because these rules are stupid and make things far more complicated than they need to be. A very delayed cover gives Steamboat two and it’s a double clothesline to leave them both down. They bridge into a backslide and Steamboat ties it up at 20:23 total.

Rude – 3
Steamboat – 3

Steamboat is fired up and tries some more rollups until Rude cuts him off with a needed jawbreaker. Back up and Rude sends him face first into the mat a few times before shouting about how Steamboat is NOT an iron man. Steamboat chops away but gets hit in the eyes. Ross: “Every time Rude gets in trouble, he goes to the eyes!” Ventura: “That’s because it works.” Rude makes sure to pose (Ventura approves as you might expect) and we hit a lot of choking on the ropes.

The Rude Awakening is blocked though and Steamboat hits his own version for two with Rude putting his foot on the rope. We have five minutes left as Steamboat gets two off a suplex. A belly to back suplex gets two more but Rude is back up with a sleeper as we have four minutes left. Rude climbs on his back and Steamboat stays up for a good long while, leaving Rude to kick away at the arms to block a rope grab (that’s smart).

Steamboat finally falls down with two minutes left but his arm stays up like a good hero’s should. The referee actually checks Steamboat’s eyes (that’s a new one) but the arm stays up again. Steamboat fights up and climbs the ropes to drop back on the bad ribs, giving him a quick pin at 29:26.

Steamboat – 4
Rude – 3

Rude is up with a clothesline for two, a shoulder for two, another clothesline for two, a small package for two and a slam for two, all in the last 34 seconds (geez), as time expires at 30:00.

Rating: A-. This was great and played into the Iron Man style perfectly well. There is almost nothing in wrestling that is as guaranteed to work as well as Steamboat making a comeback and that is what he was doing for most of this match. Rude was at his best here and felt like a killer, with that last burst having me wanting to see Steamboat hang on. Great stuff here and one of the better Iron Man matches I’ve seen.

It’s time for round two of the bikini contest, with Missy Hyatt wearing a bikini, despite the third round being the bikini round. Did no one think these rules through?

Dustin Rhodes/Barry Windham/Nikita Koloff vs. Dangerous Alliance

It’s Steve Austin/Arn Anderson/Bobby Eaton, with Paul E. Dangerously and Ole Anderson is special troubleshooting referee. Windham and Austin start things off with the former grabbing a hammerlock to take him down early on. Dustin comes in to stay on the arm before mixing it up with some dropkicks. An armbar sends Austin into the corner for the tag to Eaton as dang there is a lot of talent in here. Eaton knees him in the ribs and grabs a rollup for two before it’s off to Arn.

Koloff gets slapped in the face to bring him in and Arn quickly takes him down for a knee to the face. Back up and Koloff clotheslines Arn over the top, which leads to ANOTHER discussion about a rule involving the top rope. My goodness either make the rules clear or drop the stupid things. Arn gets back in but the Alliance is cleared out in a hurry, meaning it’s time for Dangerously to call for PLAN #2!

Back in and Windham atomic drops Arn but they ram heads for a double knockdown. It’s Arn up first and he charges into a boot in the corner, leading to another double down. Dustin comes back in to fire off some right hands, only for Arn to send him head first into Eaton (yes, Arn can be mean to his partners). Back up and Eaton is fine enough to wrap Dustin’s knee around the post before going after the arm. The villains get to take turns on Dustin, with Jesse yelling about Ole’s count being slow (as Jesse tended to do).

Eaton’s DDT on the arm sets up another hammerlock as this is not exactly thrilling stuff. It works so well that Arn comes back in to work on an armbar of his own. Dustin fights up and sends Arn head first into Eaton for a change (which is funny in a cruel way). Arn is right back up with a Stun Gun…but Dustin bounces over for the tag to Windham for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Windham hits the superplex on Austin but Arn makes the save…by coming off the top for the DQ at 15:31.

Rating: C+. You know, for a match with this kind of talent involved, you would expect that much more, but this only had some moments which were reaching the potential. The Alliance was not exactly in a good place at this point, but dang the people involved made it work to a certain extent. What did not work to an extent is the stupid top rope rule, which feels like WCW cutting things off before they get too fun, because we wouldn’t want that.

Post match the fight continues with the Alliance being cleaned out.

Ricky Steamboat is on the platform with Eric Bischoff and thanks the fans for standing by him in recent months. Tonight he showed that the Dangerous Alliance cannot dodge him anymore. Now he wants the US Title, but here is Paul E. Dangerously to say Steamboat has received his last title shot. Then Cactus Jack pulls Steamboat down and the fight is on, making me want to find their TV match because HOW COULD IT NOT BE GREAT?

Jesse Ventura joins Johnny B. Badd (now a sheriff) for the bikini round of the bikini contest, but stops to ask if Badd likes girls. Madusa goes first (not looking happy about it) and Missy….doesn’t go, because someone has stolen her bikini. Since she’s rather crafty, she steals Ventura’s scarf and turns it into a bikini.

Badd declares Missy the winner but Madusa slaps him into her own tent…and he comes out carrying her suit. Ventura goes into Madusa’s tent, then sticks his head out to declare Madusa the winner, hands down. Well that was creepy. Oh and we don’t get the OFFICIAL winner until tomorrow on Main Event, because WCW.

Tony Schiavone and Eric Bischoff hype up Cactus Jack vs. Ricky Steamboat and throw us to the main event.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Terry Gordy/Steve Williams

The Steiners are defending while Gordy and Williams are the new monsters from Japan. Gordy and Scott go to the mat to start and Gordy has to go to the rope immediately. Scott wrestles him down again and Gordy goes to the rope again as they’re taking their time to start. With the wrestling not working for Gordy, he switches to hitting Scott in the face, which goes as badly as you would expect.

Everything breaks down for a second but we settle back down before things get too exciting (just not the WCW way a lot of the time). Williams comes in and you just know Ross is right there with every college accolade he can throw in. Naturally they go with the amateur wrestling as we get the five minute all just under four minutes in. Williams misses a charge into the corner but blocks a suplex, leaving Scott to sunset lip him instead. Rick comes in and we actually get a rare Varsity Club reference.

They lock up in the corner as Ventura can’t believe the idea of Rick having a degree in education. Rick manages to get a suplex and Williams needs a breather on the floor. Back in and Williams runs him over with some football tackles, and yes Ross knows Williams’ football number from Oklahoma. A Steiner Line only gets Rick so far as it’s back to Gordy. Rick suplexes him as well but Williams comes back in and plows through Rick to send him outside. A sunset flip back in gives Rick two but Gordy is right back with a half crab as the slow pace continues.

They fight over the leglocks until Rick manages a suplex, allowing the tag back to Scott. Not to be outdone, Scott ties up Gordy’s leg and they roll around a bit. Williams comes back in but can’t send Scott head first into the buckle so they grapple against the ropes some more. Some double teaming slows Scott down and Williams kicks the knee out, which even Ventura admits was a bit rough.

Gordy and Williams take turns working on the leg, with Ventura almost sounding scared by the idea of Williams being nicknamed Dr. Death back in junior high. Scott starts fighting up but gets kicked in the knee, just in case the fans had something to care about. Gordy ties the legs up again before it’s back to Williams for some slaps to the face. The half crab keeps things slow and Williams hands it back to Gordy for a half crab of his own.

Williams comes back in for a full crab but this time Scott gets up and makes the tag to Rick. House is actually cleaned, with the middle rope bulldog dropping Williams. Gordy offers a distraction though and Williams hits a heck of a clothesline. The middle rope powerslam gets two on Rick as the fans get back into things. A shoulder gives Williams two more as we have less than five minutes.

Gordy’s suplex gets two as commentary tries to make this sound more interesting than what we’re seeing. Williams grabs a reverse chinlock, again stomping out that pesky excitement factor at all costs. The Doctor Bomb gives Williams two and the front facelock goes on again. The Oklahoma Stampede is broken up though and they’re both down. One heck of a Steiner Line drops Gordy and we have a minute left with both of them down again. Rick finally gets over to Scott to pick up the pace as everything breaks down. A butterfly powerbomb sets up the Frankensteiner but time expires at 30:00 (28:22 actually).

Rating: B-. I’ve seen this match a few times now and it still does not work. It feels like a match where they’re trying to keep things from being interesting and go with grappling and holds. That can be interesting in certain styles but this felt like they were going for dull for whatever reason. It doesn’t help that Gordy and Williams would win the titles a few weeks later, then win the NWA Tag Team Titles as well, because Bill Watts LOVED these guys. It’s certainly a style, but it’s not a style that was going to work in the 90s.

Eric and Tony wrap us up. I’m still not sure why they were here other than Eric’s job title.

Ross and Ventura wrap us up and the credits roll.

Overall Rating: B+. There is a great show in there, with the Iron Man match and Sting vs. Cactus Jack both being instant classics. Your mileage in the main event will vary pretty hard but it wasn’t the worst match. Throw in a good opener and some other decent enough matches and this was one of the best WCW shows in history. Just mix the show up so that the order makes some more sense and figure out that STUPID top rope stuff and it could be even better.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 2, 1993
Location: Castle Recreation Center, Alexandria Bay, New York
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

We’re back to the old Raw’s with another short month. The build to Summerslam is on so this is going to be a show focused on Lex Luger again. Other than that, we’ll need to build up the rest of the card, which doesn’t exactly have the best reputation. Maybe the build will be better though. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Doink The Clown challenging Randy Savage and having two more Doink’s pop up for the mind games.

Opening sequence.

A very patriotic looking Randy Savage is ready for all the Doink’s and says he might have a little surprise of his own.

Steiner Brothers vs. Duane Gill/Barry Horowitz

Non-title. The shots of the arena during the Steiners’ entrance shows you just how tiny the venue really is. Scott powers Horowitz around without much trouble to start but misses a charge in the corner. Horowitz pats himself on the back for the dodge and is promptly caught in a Boston crab. Rick comes in and Barry yells a bit before Gill comes in to hammer away. This earns him a quick clothesline and it’s back to Scott for the Frankensteiner and the fast pin. Total squash, as it should have been.

We get the first part of a series to help us get to know Lex Luger on his way to the Summerslam title match. He talks about how important it was to get a good education to go with athletics. His friends made fun of him when he was working so hard at school, even though he moved around a lot as a kid. To this day, his friends are amazed to see him doing what he does today. He’s always nervous and he fights it to this day. Thrilling indeed. Far better than, I don’t know, having him wrestle.

Adam Bomb vs. Tony Roy

Johnny Polo is here with Bomb. A waistlock takes Roy down without much effort as Bobby talks about knowing Marilyn Monroe. Polo thinks his parents deserve applause as Roy is sent hard into the corner. A drop across the top rope and a top rope clothesline set up the Atom Smasher (powerbomb) to give Bomb the pin.

Next week: Tatanka vs. Mr. Hughes. Oh yeah it’s 1993.

Doink The Clown vs. Randy Savage

Hold on though as Savage wants to check on the floor for extra Doinks before being ready to go. Doink bails into the corner to start as the fans are rather behind Savage. A rake to the eyes slows Savage down so he goes outside for a chair, which is enough of a distraction for Doink to get in a cheap shot. The Boston crab has Savage in more trouble and Doink even grabs the rope for a bonus. With that broken up, Doink wraps the leg around the rope and hammers away in the ropes.

Savage gets away and hits the running knee to send Doink outside. A posting cuts Savage down though and we take a break. Back with Doink hitting a dropkick and we hit the neck crank. That doesn’t last long either and Doink grabs an abdominal stretch. Doink slams him down but misses the Whoopee Cushion. Savage gets sent outside, where he crawls outside….and is replaced by a miniature version. Doink is so confused that Savage small packages him for the pin.

Rating: C. This got some time but that didn’t exactly make it good. Doink worked on the back for a good while until the screwiness came out. Savage was pretty clearly just kind of there until Crush came back and this wasn’t exactly great to see. Doink was a bizarre character but he could make it work. Just not with the “funny” stuff at the end, which really didn’t work

Post match the Mini Savage bites Doink and poses with the big version.

It’s time for the Summerslam Report. We run down the card with Gene Okerlund pointing out that we don’t know what a Rest In Peace match is yet.

Ted DiBiase calls in to complain about the 1-2-3 Kid. We see a clip of Razor Ramon costing DiBiase a match against the Kid on Wrestling Challenge, causing DiBiase to hang up in disgust.

Heenan is upset over DiBiase….but gets very happy as he sees someone in the ring. That would be the debuting Jim Cornette from Smoky Mountain Wrestling, with Heenan asking the fans if they know who he is. Heenan calls him the greatest manager in wrestling but Cornette says he’s only the best because Heenan retired.

We talk about Smoky Mountain Wrestling and how great Cornette is, but now he’s here with his knockout blow. Cornette, already dripping with sweat, hypes up the Heavenly Bodies, who will be answering the Steiner Brothers’ open challenge for the Tag Team Titles at Summerslam. The thing here is that while Cornette might not have been known in the WWF, all he had to do was be friends with Heenan and the fans knew they shouldn’t like him. That’s so simple and uses Heenan’s status to someone else’s benefit.

Mr. Perfect vs. Barry Hardy

Jim Cornette is on commentary and Vince asks him about various other teams in Smoky Mountain (including the Rock N Roll Express, which is bizarre to hear from Vince’s mouth). Perfect starts fast with a dropkick to the floor, leaving Cornette panicking at a person flying at him. Back in and Perfect works on the leg and rips off part of Hardy’s gear. The PerfectPlex finishes fast.

Another Lex Express video.

Commentary previews next week’s show to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: C. Well, stuff did happen here and that’s a rare thing for this show. That being said, it wasn’t exactly all positive, with stuff like the Lex Luger interview being pretty awful. The long match wasn’t exactly my taste, but Cornette’s debut and watching the Steiners wreck small humans is always worth a look. This isn’t the best time for the WWF though and odds are that isn’t changing anytime soon.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 13, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

We’re just done with Summerslam and that means there isn’t much going on until Survivor Series in November. This week features a pretty big match as the Steiners are defending the Tag Team Titles against the Quebecers in a Quebec Province match, in what can only be a completely normal match. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Steiner Brothers

Quebec Province rules, meaning the titles can change hands via countout/DQ, piledrivers are legal and throwing someone over the top is a DQ. Rick and Jacques start things off with the latter hitting some knees to the ribs in the corner. That earns him a shot to the face and Jacques bails to the floor.

Pierre comes in and gets powerslammed for two so it’s Scott coming in for the tiger driver and two. The armbar goes on for a bit before Scott hits a nice dropkick for two. Back up and Pierre knocks Scott into the corner before dropping a fist for two of his own. Scott makes the quick comeback and hands it off to Rick, who almost uses the illegal piledriver as we take a break.

We come back with Rick sending Jacques through the ropes (legal) and Scott grabbing a headlock on Pierre. The overhead belly to belly gives Scott two more and we hit the half crab. Rick comes back in for a half crab of his own, but for some reason half plus half doesn’t equal Boston. Jacques’ save attempt doesn’t work and the Steiners get to keep taking turns, though Scott does stop to point at Johnny Polo.

Rick’s middle rope….something hits not quite raised knees (that didn’t work) but Rick is fine enough to belly to back superplex Pierre for two. Jacques makes the save and it’s time for a Quebecers/Polo huddle as we take a break. Back with Scott getting double kicked down and Pierre being slammed onto him for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by a Vader Bomb to give Pierre two more. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Scott for….what appears to be some miscommunication over who is legal so Scott comes back with something like a spinning DDT.

The hot tag is broken up though and Scott gets sent outside to keep up the beating. Scott finally fights his way out of trouble for a triple knockdown and the tag brings in Rick to clean house. Everything breaks down and it’s back to Scott, who gets in a fight with Jacques over the hockey stick. Scott finally loses his cool (no, really) and hits Jacques with the stick for the DQ and the titles at 17:35 (that’s a LONG match for the old days of Raw).

Rating: B. This was a match with all kinds of gimmicks and rules but it wound up being a regular tag match that worked out rather well. The Quebecers weren’t a great team but they were capable of working well with another good team. Therefore, the Steiners were more than capable of making something like this work, with the Quebecers winning the titles via the match’s rather insane rules. Good stuff, and very different from what you would get around this time.

Bobby is ECSTATIC over the title change, as you probably expected.

Mr. Perfect vs. Tony DeVito

Perfect knocks him outside to start and takes it to the back before bringing it right back to the ring. DeVito hits a dropkick but Perfect runs over him and hits a not so perfect dropkick of his own. A knee lift sets up the PerfectPlex to give Perfect the pin at 2:44. Not the best squash here and Perfect even gets in a few shots after the match, so maybe he was in a bad mood.

After Summerslam, Ludvig Borga mocked Lex Luger for choking and issued the challenge.

Razor Ramon vs. The Executioner

That Executioner looks rather Barry Horowitzish, even with the mask on. Executioner actually starts fast and knocks Razor outside in a heap. Back in and Razor wins a slugout before grabbing the abdominal stretch. The belly to back superplex finishes the Executioner at 2:32, as he wasn’t even worthy of the Razor’s Edge.

Actually he is, as Razor gives him the Edge post match. Well that’s excessive.

Vince McMahon brings out the Quebecers and Johnny Polo for their victory speech. To say Polo is excited is an understatement as Jacques compares the win to the Toronto Blue Jays and Montreal Canadiens. Vince thinks the Steiners deserve a rematch and the end result is a Steiner vs. a Quebecer next week, with Scott having to win to get a future title shot. The fans singing and conducting the Quebecers’ theme song should tell you where their support lies.

Bobby Heenan and Randy Savage were on the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

Doink The Clown vs. Rich Myers

Doink has two buckets, one of which contains confetti, meaning I think you know where this is going. Myers jumps him from behind to start and gets belly to belly suplexed for his efforts. A pumphandle slam plants Myers again and there’s a nasty German suplex to make it worse. Crush calls in to talk about his recovery but then hangs up on Randy Savage, who apparently isn’t on the best terms with him. The Whoopee Cushion finishes Myers at 2:04.

Post match, yeah the other bucket has water inside, and yeah it goes on Heenan. Anything that involves Heenan doing physical comedy is a positive moment.

Post break, Doink comes out and whips out another bucket, which is more confetti.

The preview for next week reveals that it’s Scott Steiner vs. Pierre to get the Steiners another title shot.

Overall Rating: C+. This was ALL about the Tag Team Title change, but the rest of the show was so worthless that it was really hard to care. It says a lot when three squashes could be so lame that they bring down a rather good tag match but the early days of Raw had that kind of power. It’s nice to see at least one solid match though as that’s more than you get around here most of the time. The title change is kind of famous for a reason, and it happens to come in a good match. Not a great show, but the important part worked.

 

 

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Summerslam 1993
Date: August 30, 1993
Location: Palace of Auburn Hills, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 23,954
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

A lot has changed in the last year. Bret won the WWF Title about three months after the last Summerslam but lost it at Wrestlemania to the monster Yokozuna. Yoko went on a path of destruction through the WWF over the summer, but it was WCW signee Lex Luger who stood up for the USA on the 4^th of July in a body slam challenge and is challenging for the title tonight. Hogan is gone, so America’s hopes rest on Luger. Let’s get to it.

We see Luger’s Lex Express bus arriving earlier today. Luger had gone around the country in a bus to get fan support for the match against Yokozuna. Why he didn’t stay in the WWF and win matches to get a title shot is beyond me.

Ted DiBiase vs. Razor Ramon

The match starts fast as DiBiase jumps Razor coming in. Razor comes back with a quick backdrop and a slam, sending DiBiase running to the floor. Back in and DiBiase takes it into the corner for some chops, only to be reversed on a whip and clotheslined out to the floor again. Razor pulls him back in but Ted chokes away on the top rope. I love basic heel moves like that. You never see those anymore because it’s all about attitude or whatever nonsense WWE tells you now.

Heenan makes jokes about the 1-2-3 Kid, who recently defeated Ramon and triggered his face turn. A clothesline gets two for DiBiase and it’s off to the chinlock. It’s clear that DiBiase is WAY past his prime here but his prime was so good that this is still totally watchable. Razor’s arms stay up on the third drop but DiBiase takes him back down with a swinging neckbreaker. Ted sends him to the floor and rips off a turnbuckle pad, only to be sent into it himself. The Razor’s Edge is good for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but DiBiase was nothing more than a jobber to the stars by now anyway. This would actually be the last match in the WWF for DiBiase as he would do a quick run in Japan before retiring by the beginning of the year. The match wasn’t bad but it could have been the main event of any episode of Raw.

Todd Petingill interviews some of the Steiners’ relatives as we’re in their hometown. The sister calls Rick by his real name of Rob here.

Tag Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Heavenly Bodies

Jim Cornette manages the challengers, who are Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Pritchard. This is part of the cross promotion with SMW. Heenan sings Cornette’s praises, which was how Cornette got over as a heel. He had debuted not long before this and Heenan immediately hugged him. Since Heenan was a heel and Cornette was a friend of his, Cornette was instantly hated. No shades of gray, no thought to it, just basic heel work. I miss stuff like that so much.

The Bodies jump the champions and send Scott out to the floor early on. A double flapjack puts Rick down and Scott is knocked back to the floor, but the Bodies spend too much time double teaming. All four are in now with the Steiners cleaning house to the delight of the crowd. I’m sure it has nothing to do with them wearing University of Michigan colors. A tilt-a-whirl slam (called a suplex by Vince) puts Del Ray down and the Steiners stand tall.

We officially start with Pritchard vs. Scott and Tom is slammed down in a BIG gorilla press. A backdrop puts Del Ray down and it’s off to Rick vs. Pritchard. Rick cleans house with Steiner Lines to send the challengers to the floor. Back in the and the Bodies finally start cheating, allowing Pritchard to hit an enziguri to send Scott to the floor, followed by a Del Ray moonsault press to wipe Scott out.

Back in and Del Ry hits a Rocky Maivia spinning DDT but doesn’t cover like the schnook that he is. Heenan has the match 1112-9 in favor of the Bodies. A powerslam gets two for Del Ray and Cornette jabs Scott in the throat with his tennis racket. Scott finally comes back with a belly to belly out of nowhere and makes the hot tag to Rick.

Everyone gets Steiner Lines (Heenan: “Mrs. Steiner just gave her daughter a Steiner Line!”) but the top rope bulldog only gets two on Del Ray thanks to a save. Cornette throws in the racket but a shot to Rick’s back is only good for two. Del Ray misses a moonsault and the Frankensteiner retains the belts.

Rating: C+. This was as by the book of a tag team match as you can get but it was still good stuff. I don’t think anyone cared about the Heavenly Bodies but that’s where a good manager like Cornette can come in handy: the fans are going to boo anyone he’s out there with, including a tag team who never did anything of note in the WWF.

A new interviewer named Joe Fowler (he didn’t last long) is with Shawn and Diesel, with the former saying he’s the best IC Champion ever. Diesel says he’s there to keep the chicks off the champ. Fowler wasn’t bad actually.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn is defending. This match was literally months in the making with the WWF basically saying “this is going to be the match of the year, guaranteed.” To continue the theme of things that just aren’t the same today, Perfect is trying to become the first three time IC Champion. We also have Radio WWF with JR and Gorilla Monsoon doing commentary. Wrestling used to be broadcast on the radio back in the day, with legendary sportscaster Bob Costas doing commentary at one point.

Shawn easily takes it down to start but Perfect snapmares him down as well. Perfect takes over with an armdrag and drives some knees into the arm. Shawn comes back with a headlock out of the corner but Perfect avoids an elbow and we have a stalemate. Some LOUD chops in the corner snap Shawn’s head back and a clothesline turns him inside out for two. Back to the armbar on the champion but Shawn escapes and goes up top, only to dive into an armdrag.

Perfect puts on another armbar before catapulting Shawn out to the floor in a great crash. Perfect goes to the floor but has to stare at Diesel, giving Shawn an opening for the yet to be named Sweet Chin Music. Shawn hits an ax handle of the apron to Perfect’s back before heading back inside to drop knees onto the back. A hard whip into the corner puts Perfect down again and Shawn drops down onto Perfect’s back.

Off to a backbreaker with Shawn bending Perfect’s back over Shawn’s knee. A stiff right hand gets Perfect out and a running dropkick puts Shawn down again. Perfect gets two off an atomic drop before countering a backslide into the PerfectPlex, only to have Diesel pull the leg for the save. Diesel gets punched in the face before both guys brawl on the floor. Shawn slides back in to distract the referee, allowing Diesel to post Perfect for the countout.

Rating: C. This was ok and nothing higher than that. The ending was lame and the match was a bunch of arm/back work with no heat segment or drama at all. It was a one off match that collapsed under the weight that the company put on it by saying it would be a classic and all that jazz. Not much to see here.

Perfect gets beaten down post match with Shawn claiming to be the best ever. Perfect gives chase and catches up with Shawn during an interview with Gene. The fight winds up being Perfect vs. Diesel in a match I don’t think ever happened, unless it was on some random Raw or Superstars.

1-2-3 Kid is nervous for his PPV debut.

I.R.S. vs. 1-2-3 Kid

The Kid is relatively new at this point, having shocked the world by beating Razor Ramon in May. He also beat IRS’ partner DiBiase recently so IRS is here for revenge and to stop the Kid’s lucky streak. The Kid is launched into the air and bounces off the mat for early control but he dropkicks IRS out of the air on a second attempt. Nice psychology there, but IRS knocks him to the floor a few seconds later.

Kid comes back in with a sunset flip for two but gets caught in an abdominal stretch to drag the match out even longer. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Kid takes him to the corner for some kicks and a moonsault press for two. A side roll gets two as Heenan is losing his mind. Kid dropkicks him down for two more, but IRS hits a flying clothesline for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. What in the world was that? The Kid had been undefeated since May and you have him lose to a jobber to the stars in IRS? I don’t get the thinking here at all and it would continue to make little sense as the Kid would only lose one more singles match this year, and not again until next June. Yet he loses to IRS here? I don’t get it.

Owen and Bruce Hart say their dad is at home recovering from knee surgery but they’re here to support Bret.

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

This is the blowoff to a MAJOR feud which started at the King of the Ring. Bret won the tournament but Jerry attacked him during the coronation, saying he was the only real king in professional wrestling. Jerry comes to the ring on crutches with a big ice pack on his knee. He claims an injury from a car wreck (going into hilarious detail about a blue haired lady causing a ten car pileup) so Bret’s new opponent is the court jester.

Bret Hart vs. Doink the Clown

This is evil Doink, meaning he’s AWESOME. Doink comes out carrying two buckets, one of which contains confetti to throw at the fans. The other is full of water which is thrown on Bruce Hart in the old Harlem Globetrotters trick. Bret jumps Doink on the floor and we get things going inside. Doink is punched back to the floor before he can even get his jacket off before Hart sends him into the post. Heenan talks about how Lawler was in an 18 car pileup, crawled out of the car and into a school bus, saved 40 kids from the bus and bought them all hamburgers before coming to the arena tonight. Vince’s stunned reaction is great.

Doink gets in a shot and goes up, only to be crotched on the buckle. Heenan: “He’s been de-Doinked!” Bret offers Lawler a chance to come in before dropping Doink with an atomic drop. Another Lawler distraction lets Doink hit a knee to the back before sending Bret into the steps. Doink starts working on the leg and wraps it around the post with Lawler cheering him on.

The Clown puts on an STF and Heenan swears Bret gave up. Doink transitions into a lame chinlock before putting on a stump puller (you sit the other guy down and push his head down while pulling up on a leg) to stay on the leg and neck. Bret comes back with a right and the Five Moves of Doom. He hooks the Sharpshooter but Lawler runs into the ring and breaks the crutch over Bret’s back for the DQ.

Rating: C+. The match was your usual good Bret match when he had a good opponent to work against. Lawler pretending to be injured is the perfect action for him as he’s such a slimy coward most of the time. The Bret vs. Lawler feud had incredible heat to it as the fans wanted to see Lawler get beaten up…….and then there’s this.

President Jack Tunney stops Lawler in the aisle and says get in the ring right now.

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

Bret blasts him in the head with one of Doink’s buckets before the bell. They head inside and Bret immediately pounds Lawler down and gets in a crutch shot for good measure. Lawler gets in a crutch shot to the throat and chokes away as the referee (ECW’s Bill Alfonzo) is trying to restrain the Hart Brothers.

Bret gets crotched against the post, allowing Lawler to tell the referee to go yell at the Brothers again. The distraction lets Lawler get in more crutch shots in a classic simple heel move. He stops to tell the booing fans to shut up but Bret is ready to fight. Hart destroys Lawer and even throws in a piledriver before putting on the Sharpshooter for the academic submission. He won’t let go though and the decision is reversed.

Rating: B. The match itself isn’t much from an action standpoint, but the story was perfect (Bret wants revenge) and it’s a short form clinic on how to work a crowd from Lawler. Those subtle things like distracting the referee and sneaking in weapon shots and telling the crowd to shut up are so basic and easy but you NEVER see them today. Today’s writers need to watch some Lawler matches and they’ll learn how to have a crowd eating out of a heel’s hand in no time.

It takes about ten referees plus two Brothers to pull Bret off of Lawler. Bret is told that Lawler is the undisputed King so he goes after Jerry again as Lawler is put on a stretcher. Bruce Hart gets in some shots as well but Lawler is finally wheeled off, raising his arm in victory like the true villain he is.

Unfortunately we never got the planned blowoff to this feud as some 15 year old accused Lawler of rape (she admitted she made the whole thing up and Lawler was acquitted) so the Hart Brothers vs. Jerry and three hired goons at Survivor Series never happened. That’s a shame as the reaction for Lawler being destroyed by the whole family including Stu would have been a sight to behold.

Ludvig Borga is on the streets of Detroit to show us the country that Lex Luger wants to stand up for.

Bret and his brothers say Lawler deserves a broken leg.

Marty Jannetty vs. Ludvig Borga

Borga is basically the original Antonio Cesaro but from Finland. Marty fires away to start but gets punched in the corner by the former boxer. A hard clothesline puts Jannetty down before Borga throws him into the air for an uppercut (much like Cesaro). More punches in the corner have Jannetty in trouble and a clothesline stops his comeback dead. Borga blows his nose on Jannetty before putting on a bearhug. Marty escapes and makes a quick comeback with a pair of superkicks but gets caught in a powerslam and a torture rack for the submission.

Rating: D-. This was one of the lamer squashes I can remember in a long time. Borga looked slow and limited in the ring but the rack looked good. Other than that though, Borga came off as much more flash than substance. He would get better, but at the end of the day he never quite did anything in the company.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

This is a Rest in Peace match, which means No DQ and No Countout, or a street fight as we would call it. Gonzalez has been tormenting Undertaker all year and lost to him via DQ at Wrestlemania. Gonzalez is a legit 7’7 and his manager Harvey Whippelman has stolen the Urn. Paul Bearer is absent for reasons that aren’t quite explained. The Giant pounds on Taker to start but Taker comes back with some clotheslines. A single elbow takes the Dead Man down and they head outside with the Giant in control.

Gonzalez hits some of the weakest chair shots you’ll ever see before whipping Taker knees first into the steps. Back in and Undertaker hits some uppercuts but keeps reaching for the Urn. Taker is still down when the gong rings and Paul Bearer makes his return with a black wreath. Whippelman goes after him and gets decked, allowing Paul to get the Urn back. The Giant stares down at him, Undertaker sits up, hits five clotheslines and a sixth frm the top for the pin. Seriously, that’s it.

Rating: G. As in I long for Great Khali. You often hear bad wrestlers said to be as bad as Giant Gonzalez and there’s a good reason for that: the guy is HORRIBLE. I understand the idea of the guy being huge and not needing to do much, but Gonzalez couldn’t do even the most basic stuff without screwing it up. Having seen a good deal of both, I can safely say that Gonzalez makes Great Khali look like Bret Hart.

Post match Harvey turns on Gonzalez and gets laid out.

Cornette says his men have been ripped off all night but that won’t happen when Lex Luger faces his Yokozuna. All those people Luger has seen over the country aren’t going to be able to help him now because it’s just Luger vs. Yokozuna, and the last thing Luger will hear is BANZAI!

Smoking Guns/Tatanka vs. Headshrinkers/Bam Bam Bigelow

Aren’t cowboys and Indians supposed to fight? The heels have Afa and Luna Vachon with them. The Samoans run over the Guns to start and we have Bigelow vs. Tatanka to get us going. Tatanka fires off a shoulder block and a dropkick followed by an impressive backdrop. Both guys try cross bodies and Tatanka actually gets the better of it. For a gimmick wrestler Tatanka had some good success around this time.

A double tag brings in Billy vs. Fatu (Rikishi) with the Samoan hitting a quick superkick. Billy comes back with a top rope clothesline as Vince tells us Billy went to college on a rodeo scholarship. That actually exists? Another superkick from Samu knocks Billy into the tag to Bart who is slammed face first into the mat for his troubles. Bigelow comes in with a dropkick for two before it’s back to Fatu for a wicked powerslam. The Samoans take turns double teaming Bart with headbutts and chops as the heat segment goes on for a good while.

Bigelow misses a charge and hits the post, allowing Bart to make the hot tag off to Tatanka. The Indian chops every heel in sight and takes Bigelow down with a DDT and a high cross body for two. Tatanka goes on the war path but walks into an enziguri from Bam Bam. Sometimes there’s no better solution than to kick a guy in the head. Everything breaks down and Tatanka is left all alone against the three monsters. A TRIPLE HEADBUTT puts Tatanka down and all three go up for a triple flying headbutt, but Tatanka rolls away and rolls up Samu for the pin.

Rating: B-. Where in the world did this come from??? This was a shockingly good tag match with everyone moving fast and some great looking spots from Bigelow. Tatanka was one of those guys that the fans just liked and there’s no way you can fake that. Good stuff here and a very nice surprise.

To fill in time, we talk to Luger’s bus driver. The guy is so valuable he gets to sit in the bus and watch the show on a monitor. He talks about how great Luger is and how he visited a bunch of kids.

Pettingill asks some fans who they like in the main event and the answer is obvious.

Some guy sings the Japanese national anthem.

Randy Savage is master of ceremonies for the main event and comes out with some country singer who sings the American national anthem.

WWF Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

Remember, this is Luger’s ONE title shot. It’s a long staredown to start before Lex has to knock Mr. Fuji down. Lex starts pounding away but a single shot from the champion puts him down. Luger comes back with more right hands and down goes Yoko. A big elbow drop gets two for Luger and he avoid one from Yoko. Luger hits a running clothesline in the corner before pounding away on the champion’s head in the corner. Yoko will have none of that though and takes Luger down with a single chop.

Luger gets in some right hands but can’t slam Yoko again. Instead he gets kicked in the face and knocked to the floor with some headbutts. Out to the floor they go with Yoko choking Luger with a mic cord. A splash crushes Luger against the post but Yoko misses a chair shot. They head back inside where Luger hits two ax handle shots off the top and middle rope before a top rope forearm gets a very close two count.

A double clothesline puts both guys down and things slow down even more. Fuji throws in his bucket which Yoko uses to knock Luger out cold but only for two. A big belly to belly suplex and side slam get the same results as the champion is getting frustrated. Off to a nerve hold by the champion which eats up several minutes.

Luger fights up again but gets clotheslined down for two. To show you how impressive he is, Heenan actually compliments Luger. I don’t think I ever remember him cheering for a good guy before. Yokozuna loads up the Banzai Drop but Luger rolls away at the last minute. They fight into the corner again but Yoko misses a charge. Luger slams him down and hits the loaded forearm, knocking the champion out to the floor. Unfortunately for Luger, he also knocked Yokozuna out cold, earning Luger a countout win.

Rating: D+. This was long and slow without being very good. Luger got good reactions though, especially for the slam. It was clear that his character was nothing but warmed over Hogan leftovers but at least the fans hadn’t entirely realized that yet. This wasn’t a terrible match, but it certainly was nothing of note either. The ending wasn’t great but it was necessary to continue the story being told.

Luger celebrates with his friends to end the show despite not winning the title. We even get a music video of his push, which would be WAY more effective if Luger had, you know, WON THE FREAKING TITLE. Heenan: “This was his ONE shot!” Vince: “Don’t worry he’ll get another one!” Heaven forbid we pay attention to storylines that PPVs are built around.

Overall Rating: C+. With a Luger title win, this would have been a very solid show. There are some bad matches on here but the majority of the show works amazingly well with Bret vs. Lawler and the six man being highlights. Much like last year it’s a show where the overall show is better than its individual parts which made for a good show. Why Luger didn’t go over here continues to elude me.

Ratings Comparison

Razor Ramon vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Steiner Brothers vs. Heavenly Bodies

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: B-

Redo: C

1-2-3 Kid vs. I.R.S.

Original: F

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Doink the Clown

Original: B

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: B+

Redo: B

Marty Jannetty vs. Ludvig Borga

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: C+

Redo: G (As in I long for Great Khali)

Tatanka/Smoking Gunns vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Headshrinkers

Original: F+

Redo: B-

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C+

……I had no idea what I was doing back then did I?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/27/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1993-i-still-dont-get-the-ending/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXVIII Night One
Date: April 2, 2022
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 77,899
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee
America the Beautiful: Brantley Gilbert

We have arrived at the biggest weekend in wrestling and this time it is back in the full capacity stadium. Again, this year’s show is split in two and again it feels like there is a good one night in between the two shows. That was the case last year though and the first night went well so maybe history can repeat itself. Let’s get to it.

Note that I was in attendance for this show, sitting in the third level off the floor in the end zone corner with the stage on my right.

Brantley Gilbert sings America the Beautiful.

Mark Wahlberg stars in the opening video and talks about how these people have a chance for a Texas sized helping of greatness. That is easier said than done though, as it is not easy to reach that level. Everyone has a chance though, so go catch greatness on the Wrestlemania stage. Nothing exactly profound here but having a star do the video is nice.

A lot of fireworks go off.

Here are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders for an unannounced dance routine. I’m a Cowboys fan and I get the idea here, but does this add anything other than Texas flavor? It isn’t like anyone comes out or gets hyped up here.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Rick Boogs/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Usos

The Usos are defending here but first, Pat McAfee has to lose his freaking mind dancing to Boogs’ guitar intro. You could see him on the announcers’ table from the seats and my goodness his voice makes it all the more over the top/better. We get a quick recap of Boogs faking an injury to help win a #1 contenders match so there is a bit of a backstory here. The Big Match Intros make this all the sweeter in something you don’t often see outside of the main event.

Nakamura starts fast by kicking Jimmy down and it’s already Good Vibrations in the corner. The running knee to the ribs gets two on Jimmy but Jey gets in a cheap shot to take over. A shot from the apron keeps Nakamura down and an enziguri gives Jimmy two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, only to have Nakamura fight up and hit the spinning kick to the head. The double tag brings in Boogs and Jey, with Boogs grabbing him in a bearhug.

That doesn’t last long as Boogs switches to the kneeling vertical suplex for two. A double Samoan drop….goes very badly for Boogs, as his knee buckles under the weight (apparently legitimately, putting him on the shelf for a LONG time). That leaves Nakamura to get the tag and dive onto both champs before striking away at Jey inside. The sliding German suplex looks to set up Kinshasa but Jey hits a superkick. Jimmy adds the Superfly Splash for two and it’s another superkick into the 1D to retain the titles at 6:55.

Rating: C. It’s kind of hard to grade something like this as the injury changed everything. The last two minutes or so were a handicap match and there is a strong chance that they had to come up with something on the fly, so we’ll go with right in the middle to play it safe. The match wasn’t great, but what are you expecting given the circumstances?

Video on Johnny Knoxville vs. Sami Zayn in an anything goes match tomorrow.

We recap Happy Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre. Corbin lost everything in one of the most entertaining stories in a long time, but then gambled his way back to financial security. Then he and Madcap Moss injured McIntyre, setting up a FAR too long feud to get us here. For some reason, Corbin and Moss stole McIntyre’s sword, named after his mother. Corbin: “What do McIntyre’s mother and sword have in common? Drew lost both of them.” Of course you know this means war, which started with McIntyre getting the sword back on Smackdown.

Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin

Madcap Moss is here with Corbin, who is billed as UNDEFEATED, because we now keep track of wins and losses since a name change. McIntyre is wearing some dark gray trunks here for a change of pace. Corbin starts fast but gets clotheslined over the top for his efforts. A posting cuts McIntyre off and Smackdown rol….wrong show, never mind.

Back in and a whip into the corner gives Corbin two as McAfee recaps the Corbin saga. A belly to back suplex drops McIntyre for one but Moss gets on the apron for an inadvertent distraction, allowing McIntyre to grab a spinebuster. The overhead belly to belly into the neckbreaker lets McIntyre nip up as things get a bit more intense.

Corbin is right back with a quick Deep Six for two more but McIntyre knocks him down again. The threat of the Claymore sends Corbin outside so McIntyre hits the big flip dive to the floor (that’s not normal for his size). Back in and Corbin hits End of Days out of nowhere for two, with Cole trying to make that a lot bigger than it really is. The Futureshock gives McIntyre two but the Claymore gives him the pin at 8:42.

Rating: C. This could have been on any given of Smackdown and absolutely should have, as this feud was barely good enough for one pay per view match, let alone a months long feud. McIntyre should be ready to move back to the World Title scene and he needed to run these two over to do so. Maybe this leads to the team splitting, but I don’t know what Moss can do with this gimmick going forward.

Post match McIntyre loads up Angela and swings at Moss, hitting the ropes instead. The ropes are sliced in two, but I wonder why it caused an explosion. The Gordian Knot wasn’t that in your face.

We recap the Mysterios vs. Miz/Logan Paul. Miz has been feuding with the two of them and got Paul to help him out, because that’s the best Miz can do. Then Rey had his mask stolen, setting up a feud over respect that feels like it was chosen at random for Paul’s involvement.

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio vs. Miz/Logan Paul

The bottom rope is out of sync with the others after the replacements were put in. Paul has a Pokemon card in a lanyard around his neck, which I’m assuming is something expensive. Miz takes Rey into the corner to start so Paul comes in pretty early. Some leapfrogs let Paul start well but he drops into the splits, allowing Rey to kick him in the head. That’s enough for Paul so it’s off to Dominik vs. Miz, with the former hitting a Lionsault for two. A dive to the floor takes Miz out but Paul gets in a cheap shot from behind to put Dominik down.

Back in and a pretty nice running powerslam gets two on Dominik, setting up some alternating YES Kicks. Dominik fights out of a chinlock and gets two off a backslide. That’s not enough for a tag though as Paul comes back in with a Blockbuster for two more. Dominik finally manages a tornado DDT to drop Miz and there’s the hot tag to bring in Rey. The big kick to the face gets two on Miz but Paul comes back in to load up a double superplex.

Dominik makes the save so Rey rolls Miz up for two, followed by another spinning DDT for two more. Rey hits some Amigos but gets sent into the post, allowing Paul to hit Three Amigos of his own to some serious booing as that is too far. To make it worse, Paul goes up, does something close to the Eddie dance, and hits the frog splash for a very near fall. Dominik is back in and it’s a double 619 to set up back to back frog splashes but Miz makes the save. The Skull Crushing Finale finishes Rey at 11:16.

Rating: C. The match was ok enough and Paul had clearly put in the effort to make this work out. He did very well with the limited spots he did and the athleticism is there. I’m not sure how well he would work long term, but there have been some far worse celebrity appearances at Wrestlemania (or anywhere for that matter).

Post match Miz and Paul pose…and Miz lays him out with a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz laughs at him and blows a kiss, making me wonder why I’d want to see Miz vs. Paul and what the green thing on Miz’s forehead is.

Video on Edge vs. AJ Styles as we get more and more filler.

Here is Stephanie McMahon to talk about what Wrestlemania means to her. She brings out Gable Steveson and….that’s the segment.

We recap Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair for the Raw Women’s Title. Belair won the Smackdown Women’s Title last year but then Lynch returned from a year plus away to win the title (completely fairly) at Summerslam. Lynch has since gone full villain and Belair wants the title back. They have traded throat injuries and Belair cut off a bunch of Lynch’s hair to make this even more personal.

Raw Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is defending and gets a special intro (similar to the WWE TV intro as we look at moments from her career)….but Belair one ups her with the Texas Southern University marching band playing her to the ring. They both have special gear, with Lynch coming out in a kind of skirt/jacket combination and Belair in black and red with her top made to look like her lips logo. They both look like they’re on the big stage and it’s an awesome addition.

They both take the time to soak it in a bit but Lynch would rather punch than shake hands. The very early Manhandle Slam gets two and Lynch can’t believe the Summerslam plan didn’t work. Belair goes to the ropes to avoid the Disarm-Her so some covers give Lynch two. They trade rollups for two each and Lynch reverses a suplex into a DDT for two more. Belair tries….something but can’t get Lynch onto her shoulders so she switches to a rollup instead.

They head outside with Lynch slipping off the shoulders to send Belair into the steps to take over. Some Bexploders connect back inside and we hit the chinlock to slow things down a bit. With that broken up, Lynch switches to a cross armbreaker but Belair powers up and dumps her outside for the double crash. Back in and Belair drives some shoulders into the ribs in the corner, setting up a gutbuster for two. The handspring moonsault gets two more but Lynch catches her on top.

Belair gets creative with a Chicago Skyline of all things and a middle rope 450 gets another near fall. Lynch is back up with a Molly Go Round, with her feet hitting Belair in the face (OUCH) for two of her own. Belair is back with a spinebuster and a cradle but the kickout sends her into the corner.

The KOD is broken up but Belair KOD’s her to the floor. That doesn’t work for Belair so she tries to come back inside, only to have Lynch hit the Manhandle Slam onto the steps. Belair dives back in at nine and then kicks out at two, sending Lynch even further into hysteria. Another Bexploder is loaded up but Belair gets to the middle rope, moonsaults over Lynch, and hits the KOD for the pin and the title at 19:09.

Rating: B+. The action was good to great, but what mattered here was the feeling. This felt like the rise of a new champion, with Belair surviving what Lynch threw at her and then winning in the end, showing that she was the better woman when things were even. It came off like the Wrestlemania showdown with the special entrances and gear and I had a great time with the whole deal. Best thing on the show by a mile so far.

Post match Lynch falls out to the floor and collapses as Belair celebrates, giving us a great visual of the fallen former champion and the new queen.

Video on Sasha Banks to fill in more time.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. a mystery opponent. Rollins kept missing opportunities to get to Wrestlemania, which apparently is more important than what you actually do on the show. Finally the solution was “ask Vince McMahon”, who gave him a match against an opponent of Vince’s choosing, making about a month of stupid stories all the more pointless.

Seth Rollins vs. ???

Rollins comes out with a weirdly dressed choir singing his music for a rather Rollins style entrance. We get the big wait until……it’s Cody Rhodes, which was expected but MY GOODNESS the reaction. Rhodes rises up through the stage and comes to the ring as this is where they got me. Your feelings on Cody aside, that wait where I wanted to see who was coming out was the Wrestlemania Moment and it was outstanding.

They stare each other down for a bit and the energy is all back, even with some CODY chants. Feeling out process to start with Rollins grabbing a headlock and shouldering him down. Cody is fine enough to hit the drop down uppercut but neither can hit a finisher. A suplex over the top sends them both crashing to the floor (that’s always a scary one) and Cody pulls him into the post. Back in and Cody grabs the armbar, setting up a short armscissors.

That’s broken up so Rollins hits an enziguri and dropkicks Cody out of the air. There’s a gutbuster to stay on the ribs (Rollins: “Welcome back to the big leagues b****.”) Rollins grabs a bearhug, which looks as out of place as you might expect it to. Cody breaks that up like it’s a bearhug from a guy who isn’t known for his strength and hits the powerslam. With Rollins down on the floor, Cody hits a suicide dive but the Disaster Kick off the steps is countered into a powerbomb into the barricade.

Back in and the Falcon Arrow gives Rollins two but the Stomp is countered into Cross Rhodes for two (because a returning star’s finisher should always only get a near fall). Cody goes up but gets caught in a reverse superplex into D-Von’s lifting reverse DDT for two of his own. The Phoenix Splash misses so they both tease Pedigrees before Rhodes hits a tiger bomb for two.

The Cody Cutter gets the same as the fans are WAY into this. Rollins’ Pedigree gets its own near fall and some Kawada Kicks set up the forearm to the back of the head. Cody isn’t having that so he hits back to back Cross Rhodes…for no cover. Instead it’s the Bionic Elbow into a fourth Cross Rhodes for the pin at 21:34.

Rating: B+. Yeah this was WAY better here than it was watching it live as they had a more modern style match of trading big moves. Cody winning was the only way to go, if nothing else for the sake of not scaring off other AEW stars who might want to come over. I’m not sure what Cody’s ceiling is in WWE, but they absolutely stuck the landing with his return. Great match, after an even better reveal.

Cody gets to soak in some well deserved cheers and kisses the mat because he’s back.

We look at last night’s Hall of Fame ceremony, which featured a cool idea of walking through the wrestlers on the way to the ring. The wrestlers looking scared at the idea of Scott Steiner on a live mic is great, but not as great as Shad Gaspard’s wife telling her son how great Shad was. Vince McMahon introducing Undertaker as Mark Calaway is….just wrong to hear.

Here is the class in person:

Steiner Brothers (they were up there with Demolition for most overdue tag team)
Shad Gaspard (that was a hard one to sit through)
Queen Sharmell (harmless enough)
Vader (how was he not in before)
Undertaker (I’ve seen that Wrestlemania entrance a few times and it will never be anything less than awe inspiring, even with Undertaker in a suit and looking emotional as he thanks the fans)

Video on Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory. The fact that I went to the restroom after it started and it was still going when I got back says this went on too long.

Rick Boogs has wrecked his knee and had to be carried out of the stadium. Apparently he has torn his quadricep patella and will need surgery.

The attendance is 77,899. Assuming reports were correct, that means they sold about 20,000 tickets in three days. I’m sure.

Long video on Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte for the Smackdown Women’s Title. The video compares their successes in their main sports before showing the two of them being ready to clash here.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey

Rousey is challenging and strikes her way out of the corner to put Charlotte in the ropes. A cheap shot has Rousey in trouble but she grabs a rollup for two. That means it’s time for Rousey to adjust her shorts before she sends Charlotte into the corner. Charlotte lands on the apron so Rousey knees her in the face and chokes a bit. The ankle lock goes on with Charlotte still on the apron so she pulls Rousey outside for the break. A posting gives Charlotte two and we hit the front facelock.

Charlotte hits a forearm/clothesline (the replay looked nasty) for two more and the neck crank goes on. That’s broken up so Rousey hits a knee for two of her own, followed by…something mistimed out of the corner. Rousey’s middle rope bulldog gets two but Charlotte is back with a spear for the same. A belly to back suplex gives us a double knockdown but it’s Charlotte up first. The double moonsault kind of connects for two so Charlotte ties her in the Tree of Woe.

That means a Boston crab in the ropes of all things but Rousey escapes and judo throws her down. Piper’s Pit can’t connect so they trade some shots to the face for another breather. Another Piper’s Pit is countered but Rousey grabs the ankle lock. That’s reversed into one from Charlotte, who gets rolled into the corner for the escape. The armbar is countered into a powerbomb for two on Rousey but she’s right back with the ankle lock, complete with the grapevine.

Charlotte escapes that as well and we hit the Figure Eight, which is turned over for the escape before they both roll into the ropes. They go outside so Charlotte can hit a fall away slam into the barricade and it’s time for a slugout back inside. Piper’s Pit gives Rousey three but the referee waves it off because of the foot on the ropes. Natural Selection gives Charlotte a very close two but her spear hits the referee. The armbar goes on and Charlotte taps to no referee. Naturally the referee pops up as Rousey yells at him, allowing Charlotte to hit a big boot for the pin at 18:32.

Rating: B-. That was longer than it needed to be and are you surprised that Charlotte was the one to get the first singles win over Rousey? I’m not sure what this means for Rousey but I could go for seeing her turn heel. The smiling stuff just feels fake so let her bring back the Death Stare and be the Rousey that got her here in the first place. The match was a good, back and forth fight but there were some botches in there and Charlotte getting this latest honor made me roll my eyes pretty hard.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

We run down Night Two.

Video on Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns.

Wrestlemania XXXIX will be in Los Angeles on April 1 and 2, 2023. This is the new normal isn’t it?

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Steve Austin, which isn’t a match but that’s more or less what we’re seeing here. Owens spent weeks insulting Texas before realizing he needed a path to Wrestlemania. Therefore he invited Austin onto the KO Show, with Austin accepting and promising a fight.

Here is Kevin Owens for the KO Show and yeah the fans don’t seem too happy with him. Owens wastes no time in insulting Texas again, saying that if America was a person, Texas would be the a**. However, he does apologize…for speaking the honest truth about Texas. Owens knows the fans are wanting him to bring Austin out there but it’s going to be on his time. Austin is the worst role model and Owens knows this because he used to look up to him. When Austin comes out here, Owens is going to insult him and if Austin doesn’t like it, it’ll be a Stunner and beer poured over him.

Cue Glass Shatter and WOW that is a reaction. Austin is as over as free beer in a frat house and takes some extra time to soak all of this in, as he should. Hold on though as Austin goes to the back and brings out his ATV to ride to the ring, as he tends to do. The set is promptly destroyed, leaving the two of them and two chairs. Owens says cut the music, leaving Austin to fix his knee brace. This is Owens’ show, so take a seat.

Austin doesn’t like Owens talking trash about Texas, but Owens asks what is so great about this place. Owens rants on Texas clothes and says if he lived here, he would have moved to Mexico (Owens: “It’s right there.”). Austin: “In five seconds, you’re going to have 70,000 people calling you an a******.” That’s fine with Owens, who says he lied to get Austin here. Instead, he doesn’t want to talk, but because he is looking for a fight. Really, Owens is here to challenge Austin to a match. Yeah it has been 19 years and Austin’s knees, back and neck were shot back then and must be even worse here.

Owens is challenging him to a No Holds Barred match right now, which has Austin thinking about it. Austin’s facials here are outstanding as you can see him thinking about going to that place one more time. Owens says either get ready or get on the golf cart and ride out again. Austin says his first match was here in Dallas, and now his last match might be too. He leaves it to the fans and says bring him a referee out here, because this is actually happening.

Steve Austin vs. Kevin Owens

No Holds Barred and my goodness I can’t believe I’m seeing this. They talk trash and the slugout is on, with Austin naturally getting the better of things. A bunch of stomps in the corner have something mudhole related going on and Austin does it again for good measure. They head outside where Austin has a beer, followed by a clothesline and a drop onto the barricade. Owens is back with a posting though and he beats on Austin with a tripod.

It’s table time (that feels so wrong in an Austin match….because Austin is actually having a match) but Owens is sent through it instead. They fight into the crowd, where Owens actually hits a suplex onto the concrete (egads). Back to ringside and Austin is able to slam him off the barricade and onto (not through) the announcers’ table. More beer is consumed and Austin hammers away on the table, followed by more beer.

Owens manages a neck snap across the top but makes the mistake of going over to Austin’s ATV. Austin isn’t having that and jumps him before driving the ATV (with Owens on it) up the ramp. A pair of suplexes on the stage (one per side) have Owens in trouble and Austin throws him back down the ramp. Back in and Austin has some more beer but Owens grabs a Stunner for two. Owens gets a chair but the swing hits the rope and bounces back onto his own head, setting up the real Stunner to give Austin the pin at 13:52.

Rating: B. This is a weird situation as Austin could have come out there and juggled kittens to the biggest reaction of the night. What made this work was the fact that Austin wound up looking good, all things considered. He didn’t have the same explosiveness but that is to be expected after so long away. This was an actual match, albeit a garbage one, but it let Austin have one more moment and that is not something that is easy to pull off whatsoever. Above all else, this was a special moment and I still can’t believe it actually happened.

Post match Austin drinks even more beer and gives Owens another Stunner, leaving Owens to be taken out by some cops. Austin throws a beer to a guy in the crowd, who fumbles it for a funny moment. Austin is glad to be back in Texas…and for some reason Byron Saxton gets in the ring to celebrate with him. Corey Graves is downright giddy, knowing that Saxton is about to get Stunned, which is of course what happens (that was funny). Austin’s brother gets in the ring for a beer with him and Austin celebrates some more to end the show.

After the show was over, Austin celebrated some more and took some laps on his ATV before finally leaving.

Overall Rating: B+. This show took its time getting started but then got on a roll in a hurry by the second half. The last four matches are all good to great and they nailed the three important moments, with Cody’s return, Belair’s win (the whole match really) and then Austin to cap it all off. As usual, WWE knows how to make things work when they’re trying and that was the case here, though the first half was just ok. That being said, this was a pretty solid smash and night two has its work cut out.

Results
Usos b. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs – 1D to Nakamura
Drew McIntyre b. Happy Corbin – Claymore
Miz/Logan Paul b. Mysterios – Skull Crushing Finale to Rey
Bianca Belair b. Becky Lynch – KOD
Cody Rhodes b. Seth Rollins – Cross Rhodes
Charlotte b. Ronda Rousey – Big boot
Steve Austin b. Kevin Owens – Stunner

 

 

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Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,891
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

This is one of the weakest cards the series has ever seen. Nothing on the show feels important with the main event of Bret Hart defending the WWF World Title against Royal Rumble winner Yokozuna feeling lukewarm at best. The second biggest match is Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake challenging Money Inc. for the Tag Team Titles. Like I said: not the strongest card. Let’s get to it.

Gorilla Monsoon is the host this year, meaning he’ll be on screen for less than five minutes. Like everyone else, Monsoon is in a toga because it’s a toga party. I’m still not sure who thought this was a good idea.

In one of the major moments of the show, Jim Ross (JR) makes his WWF debut and talks about the main events before taking his place as lead commentator. I really could have gone through life without ever seeing him in a toga.

Finkus Maximus (just go with it) introduces Caesar and Cleopatra on an elephant while JR gives a history of elephants and Rome. This is kind of missing the point of a wrestling show but Randy Savage is brought out on a sedan to make things a bit better. To really cap it off, Heenan comes out riding a camel backwards.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka

Shawn is defending after winning the title in November and has Luna Vachon, a rather scary woman with several tattoos on her face, trailing behind him. Tatanka is still undefeated and Sherri follows him out but it’s not clear if they’re associated. Heenan: “She’s here to beg Shawn Michaels to take her back!” Savage: “Wrong again camel breath.” Shawn goes for the leg to start but Tatanka kicks him away a few times as Heenan recaps the history here, roughly three minutes after JR did so.

The champ grabs a headlock for a bit before going up top, only to dive into an armdrag. More weak armdrags send Shawn to the mat before he channels his inner Nature Boy with a Flair Flip in the corner. A Tatanka chop knocks him off the apron so Shawn has to go to the eyes (another Flair standard) to get a breather. Things speed up until Shawn charges into an atomic drop and gets caught in a DDT.

Off to an armbar from Tatanka as Shawn apparently came into this with a bad shoulder. Back up and Shawn tries a clothesline but hurts his own arm in the process and it’s right back to the armbar. A charge sends Shawn’s shoulder into the post again and we hit the third armbar in a row. There’s a shoulder breaker but Tatanka doesn’t know how to follow up (Savage: “I would have covered him right there!”) so he goes to the top and dives into a superkick (still not a finish).

Shawn throws him to the floor and hits a great looking clothesline from the apron. It’s time to focus on the women for a bit with Shawn yelling at Sherri, only to turn around and get two off a swinging neckbreaker. Things settle down with a chinlock before Shawn starts firing off left hands as the arm is suddenly fine. Shawn tries a bad looking victory roll for two before going up top again for another victory roll which is countered into an electric chair (they just repeated the spot which always exposes too much).

Tatanka goes on the warpath (his version of Hulking Up) and starts the chops, followed by a catapult into the post as Shawn is now channeling Mr. Perfect. Shawn dives into a powerslam for two and they roll to the floor as the fans chant for Sherri. Heenan doesn’t understand why they’re doing that but his questioning gets cut off as Shawn pulls the referee to the floor. The Papoose To Go (fall away slam) knocks Shawn silly but he’s been disqualified at 18:08.

Rating: B. That’s a very frustrating ending but it makes sense as they wanted to keep the title on Shawn but didn’t want to end Tatanka’s undefeated streak, leaving them with few alternatives. Still though, this was one heck of a match though a bit longer than it needed to be. The shoulder stopped being a thing about halfway through, even though Shawn stopped selling as he was known to do. Tatanka just didn’t have anything past the basics but the fans got behind him due to his charisma, which is all you need most of the time.

Shawn leaves and Luna slams Sherri on the floor.

Recent arrivals the Steiner Brothers say this is their first Wrestlemania but it’s going to be one to be remembered and they’ll make Julius Caesar proud.

Headshrinkers vs. Steiner Brothers

The Headshrinkers are Samu and Fatu (later known as Rikishi) and the Steiners are Rick and Scott, a pair of hard hitting amateur wrestling brothers. At the bell, JR debuts the term slobberknocker to make this one historic. Scott and Fatu get things going with Scott easily taking him down via a nice amateur double leg. Fatu tries to make it into a slugout but Scott just takes his head off with a clothesline. The Headshrinkers double team Scott down so he and Rick get up on the same buckle for stereo top rope clotheslines. That looked awesome.

Things settle down as JR breaks some news about Luna attacking Sherri in the first aid station. Heenan won’t go back to check for an update because the camel is back there. Heenan: “Luna probably worked over the camel too.” Samu’s head cracks off the post and Scott dropkicks Fatu for good measure. Back up and Samu tries a hot shot but drops Scott face first over the top in a sick looking landing.

The Headshrinkers’ manager Afa CRACKS Scott in the back with his staff to keep him in trouble. Fatu’s middle rope headbutt gets two and Scott is almost out of it. The bad beating continues as Fatu sends him into the post, FINALLY drawing Rick over to check on his brother. Back in and Scott makes the eternal mistake of hitting a Samoan in the head, earning him a superkick. Yeah there’s really no defending that. You don’t hit a Samoan in the head.

Samu comes in and rakes the eyes as JR tries to call the match while Heenan argues with Savage. The fans chant for the Steiners as something like the Demolition Decapitator gets two on Scott. Back up and it’s a double clothesline as the announcers argue over what states border Oklahoma. Samu misses a headbutt and Scott finally tags off to Rick for some house cleaning and Samoan suplexing.

JR calls him Dog Face (short for Dog Face Gremlin, Rick’s nickname. That brings up a good sign for Ross. Back in 1993, not everyone would watch both companies, meaning some fans might not realize that JR has called Steiner Brothers matches before. On his first match he knows Rick’s nickname, making him look like he’s done his homework) as he beats up both Headshrinkers but a double headbutt drops Rick with ease.

A double Stroke of all things sets up what looks to be a Doomsday Device but Rick belly to bellys Fatu out of the air for an INSANE counter. I’ve never seen that before or since and it still looked great. Scott tags himself in but eats another superkick, only to come back with a bad Frankensteiner for the pin at 14:22.

Rating: A-. I like this match more every time I watch it as they were beating the fire out of each other here with some of the stiffest shots you’ll find. The Steiners always worked stiff and the Headshrinkers could go step for step with them. Some of the spots here were amazing with that suplex from the shoulders being a major highlight. Awesome, hard hitting match here which never broke down into a brawl.

Call the Hotline!

Doink the Clown (very evil) has desecrated a bust of Julius Caesar but calls it art. We see Doink attacking Crush with a false arm (with Vince shouting that he took his own arm out of the socket until Savage point out that it’s obviously a cast to shut him up) to set up their match tonight. Doink thinks Crush will be seeing double vision.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Crush is a now big power guy from Hawaii in bright purple and orange. Doink has an umbrella with him but Crush knocks it out of his hands and rams the clown face first into the post. Some right hands to the face have no effect on Crush so he grabs a neckbreaker and keeps up the beating. Doink finally gets a break by guillotining him across the top rope. A piledriver gets no cover so Doink rams him into the post. Heenan: “Break the pineapple head!”

The Clown makes the eternal mistake of going up top and jumping straight down feet first, allowing Crush to raise a boot and take over again. Crush clotheslines him to the floor and Doink tries to hide under the ring. Amazingly enough a clown isn’t very good at keeping out of sight. Crush drags him back inside but the referee gets bumped.

It’s time for the head vice (Crush’s finisher where he squeezes his opponent’s head like a vice, making it a very appropriate name) but a second Doink pops up with the arm cast to knock Crush silly. The second Doink hides under the ring and the referee wakes up just in time to count the pin on Crush at 8:27.

Rating: D. And the really good match streak ends at two. This was a bizarre choice for a story as Crush would seem to be ready for a big push but he loses to Doink at Wrestlemania. Now to be fair, Doink is a very interesting character when he’s still all evil. Once he turned face as he was destined to do, there was no way he could be anything more than a joke. There’s certainly something interesting about an evil clown (see the Joker) but unfortunately that wasn’t going to last in 1993.

Another referee comes out and looks under the ring but can’t find anyone.

Some Japanese photographers don’t know about Doink but love Yokozuna.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Ramon debuted late last year but the crowd is rapidly turning him face. Backlund is an old veteran who is making a nostalgia run and having some good matches despite being in his early 40s and being out of the ring for years. Ever the good sport, Backlund offers a handshake but gets a toothpick to the chest for his efforts. A LOUD Razor chant starts us off as JR hypes up the Hotline. Backlund starts fast by sweeping the leg a few times so Razor punches him in the jaw.

As the match goes on, Savage casually brings up Lex Luger knocking Bret Hart out cold earlier today. So this information has been known all day and it’s just NOW being brought up, an hour into the show? Backlund forearms him down and hooks a nice butterfly suplex, followed by an atomic drop, a high spot for him back in the day. Back up and Bob tries a slam, only to get small packaged for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: D. I guess they haven’t gotten all the filler matches out of their system yet. This was a decent way to showcase Razor but it wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Backlund was quite the return story but that’s the best they can do to make Razor look like a big star?

Ad for King of the Ring.

Money Inc. isn’t worried about the Mega Maniacs (Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake with Jimmy Hart, who jumped to yet another team) after crushing Beefcake’s face with their metal briefcase. Hogan has threatened to bankrupt Money Inc. but how do you bankrupt a company with an unlimited credit line? I.R.S. promises to make Beefcake’s face look like a jigsaw puzzle with some missing pieces.

Tag Team Titles: Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

Money Inc is defending and Hogan comes in with a black eye, with explanations ranging from a jet-ski accident (official and most likely story), DiBiase hiring a bunch of people to attack him (storyline story) and Randy Savage punching him in the face over accusations that Hogan was sleeping with Elizabeth when she and Savage were still married (possibly true). Beefcake has a metal mask to protect his face and the team gets a decent but certainly not great reaction.

I.R.S. and Beefcake get things going but the champs are quickly double teaming. DiBiase tries an ax handle to the metal mask and hurts his hand as you would expect. Some rams into the buckle have no effect either. Come on Ted you’re smarter than this. Now we get the tag to Hogan for his first match in a year. He hammers down right hands in the corner, despite having FAR smaller muscles than he did the last time we saw him.

Hogan finally mixes up the offense with a big boot before going back to the right hands. A Piper style poke to the eye is enough to send Money Inc. walking but the referee says if they walk out, the titles change hands. As usual, Hogan has some corrupt official helping him out. Back in again and Heenan gets very close to accusing Savage of having something to do with the black eye.

DiBiase gets in a cheap shot to take over on Hulk, allowing I.R.S. to choke with a tag rope. More choking ensues until we hit the Million Dollar Dream but Hogan seems moderately annoyed by it instead of in any kind of trouble. It’s basically a chinlock with the arm trapped but Savage takes the attention off of it with this gem: “They’re hanging from the rafters……if they had rafters……but I’ll tell you what they have columns and they’re hanging from them!”

Beefcake comes in with his own sleeper to DiBiase for the save as Hogan is actually out from the hold. That’s certainly a new one. Hogan gets up at about nine and the hot tag brings in Beefcake. Well hot is a stretch as the fans don’t seem to care but it’s been a pretty dull match so far. Beefcake cleans house until DiBiase hits him in the back with the metal briefcase.

DiBiase gets smart by taking off Brutus’ mask so Heenan makes face off jokes. A double clothesline puts the champs down but Beefcake puts I.R.S. in the sleeper instead of tagging. DiBiase makes a quick save but the referee gets bumped. The tag brings in Hogan but there’s no one to see it. Hulk comes in anyway and hits both guys with the mask. Jimmy Hart tries to wake up the referee but when that doesn’t work, he turns his jacket inside out to reveal referee stripes and counts the pin to end the match at 18:43.

Rating: D. This was much more long than anything else and the whole thing got stupid at the end. Hogan was WAY past his expiration date at this point and it was pretty clear based on this match. Beefcake wouldn’t wrestle for the company again but naturally Hogan brought him in for the main event of WCW’s biggest show the next year.

Hogan and Beefcake hold up the titles, making them the only two people in the arena stupid enough to think that counts. Another referee comes out and says not quite as Money Inc. wins by DQ. Ever the good losers, Hogan poses to limited cheering but then cracks open the briefcase and gives away the money inside (along with a brick. Why you would need a brick when you have a METAL BRIEFCASE?). So now he’s stealing in addition to looking like a moron with that ending. Hogan is a four time WWF World Champion and now he thinks his manager counting a pin is supposed to change a title? What a hero: a cheating moron.

Singer Natalie Cole gets a nothing interview to say she’s having fun. The CEO of the casino is happy with everything that’s going on.

Mr. Perfect isn’t worried about Lex Luger being a knockout artist with that forearm (which contains a steel plate). He’s been on a roll this week with a hole in one playing golf and he’s been hot at the tables so let’s make it one more win tonight.

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Luger is still the Narcissist and comes out with some barely clothed women that have the announcers drooling. They trade wristlocks to start and Perfect shoves the much stronger Luger into the corner. A big running knee lift knocks Luger down and a dropkick sends him to the floor as this is almost all Perfect so far.

Back in and Luger sends him into the buckle but Perfect just kind of staggers around. After that awkward selling, Perfect starts going after the knee and slaps on a spinning toehold. Back up and Perfect’s bad back is sent hard into the buckle as this isn’t exactly taking off. A backbreaker keeps Perfect in trouble and Luger rolls him up in the corner for two but gets caught with his feet on the ropes.

Perfect comes back with a sleeper but gets driven back first into the buckle. At least Luger is focusing on a body part and sticking with it. Perfect finally tries his own worst enemy and catapults Luger into the buckle. It doesn’t quite work the same but maybe the idea scared him. A missile dropkick gets two on Luger but he counters a backslide and shoves Perfect’s feet into the ropes for the surprise pin at 10:56.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. This really didn’t work as neither guy could get anything going. Perfect was in a weird place here as he was still talented but didn’t really have a character. Luger was just that forearm but would somehow wind up being the co-top hero in the company in just a few months. It didn’t work for either guy here though and the match was pretty boring.

Luger knocks Perfect out and walks off. Perfect slowly gets up and goes after him but gets jumped by Shawn Michaels to start their summer long feud. This triggers a big argument between Savage and Heenan with Macho Man getting up and pointing his finger in Heenan’s face. Believe it or not, Heenan actually doesn’t run away.

Gorilla previews the rest of the show.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Gonzalez is a 7’8 monster (wearing a full body skin colored spandex suit with muscles drawn on and fur at the shoulders) who was brought in by Harvey Wippleman to replace Kamala, who Undertaker dispatched to end 1992. This is the same story that would be used about thirteen years later when Undertaker feuded with Daivari’s lineup of monsters.

Undertaker comes out in a funeral chariot complete with a vulture for his first cool Wrestlemania entrance. Undertaker, a legitimate 6’10, comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Some big forearms have little effect but Gonzalez is nice enough to sell an uppercut that clearly missed.

A low blow doesn’t have much effect on Undertaker so he comes back with Old School. Undertaker gets thrown around and we hit a standing chinlock. Gonzalez gets bored and throws Undertaker to the floor and then into the steps. The power of the urn gets Undertaker back to his feet and inside but Gonzalez headbutts him right back down. Some awkward strikes stagger the Giant and he goes down to one knee so Harvey throws in a towel with chloroform to knock Undertaker out but it’s an obvious DQ at 7:34.

Rating: F. This was awful and maybe Undertaker’s worst Wrestlemania match ever. Gonzalez was just terrible and made everyone else look bad too because no one could do anything with someone so big and awkward. On top of that, the ending sets up a rematch instead of just ending this lame feud once and for all here like they should have.

Undertaker is stretchered out and Gonzalez lumbers around the ring. Eventually Undertaker’s music plays and he staggers to the ring to clean house.

Call the Hotline!

Gene, after talking about Heenan going to buy new underwear, shows us a clip of Yokozuna crushing Jim Duggan’s ribs. Yokozuna followed it up by winning the Royal Rumble and then crushing WWF World Champion Bret Hart’s ribs at the contract signing. Enough of that though as Gene brings in Hulk Hogan, who has been talking to Bret and assuring him that all the Hulkamaniacs are in his corner. Since he was attacked last night, Hogan wants Bret to make sure he’s watching everyone around him.

Oh and one more thing: Hogan wants the first shot either at Bret or at “the Jap” if he wins the title. As for a prediction, he thinks the title is staying in the USA in the match between a Canadian and a Polynesian wrestler billed from Japan. As usual, Hulk never was one for the most in depth thinking in the world.

Todd Pettengill (a very stupid interviewer) interviews some frat boys.

WWF World Title: Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

The 505lb Yokozuna is challenging and has Mr. Fuji in his corner. The announcers have spent most of the show talking about how Bret is the huge underdog after being knocked out by Luger, sat on by Yokozuna and then just being in trouble against the monster in general. Bret charges across the ring for a running dropkick and some right hands, only to have Yokozuna shove him down and shoulder him out to the floor.

Yokozuna tries to kick the champ while he’s down but Bret grabs the foot and ties him up in the ropes to get the big man down. Bret fires off more right hands and drops a middle rope elbow until the referee breaks Yokozuna free. The big man is up and slams Bret with ease before dropping a huge leg/various other parts on Bret’s face for no cover. The fans chant USA to support the Canadian so Yokozuna chokes him down before switching to a nerve hold.

Back up and Bret gets his feet up in the corner, setting up something like a middle rope bulldog for two. That earns the champ a superkick and another nerve hold to continue boring the crowd. Heenan points out the stupidity of the USA chants as Bret fights up and gets a better middle rope bulldog for another two.

A pair of clotheslines put Yokozuna down for half a second so Bret punches away in the corner. Yokozuna shoves him so hard that the turnbuckle pad is pulled off, only to have Bret ram the monster face first into it. The Sharpshooter actually goes on but Fuji throws salt in his eyes, giving Yokozuna the pin and the title at 8:56.

Rating: D+. They did what they could do here but the story of “Bret is going to get killed” is about as lame of a way to set up a title match as you can get. Bret was hammering away with everything he had but like Gonzalez (albeit a much better version), there’s only so much that could be done here, especially when you’re an average size guy like Hart. This could have been much worse but it still wasn’t much to see.

Hogan is here IMMEDIATELY after the match to plead Bret’s case. You know, like all the other times Bret and Hogan have been such great friends. Due to reasons of extreme overconfidence and stupidity, Fuji is willing to give Hogan a shot RIGHT NOW. Bret gives his blind blessing and we’re off.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Fuji throws salt in Yokozuna’s face by mistake (with the referee just watching) and it’s a clothesline and the legdrop to give Hogan the pin and the title at 28 seconds.

Hogan celebrates as Bret is completely forgotten to end the show. That would be Hogan’s last singles match until early June because he took seven weeks off before coming back to do tag matches with Beefcake against Money Inc. But hey, it’s another title win.

Overall Rating: D. This is actually a tricky one to grade. The show only runs about two hours and forty five minutes and the first fifty minutes are excellent stuff with two good to very good opening matches. I can’t call a show with an opening third that solid a failure by any means so the show gets some big points there.

That being said, the rest of the show goes off a cliff with the best match being the main event, which really isn’t any good and clocks in as the shortest announced Wrestlemania main event in history. Couple that with Hogan sneaking in to take the title in an ending that wasn’t the most popular in the world and you don’t have a great title picture going forward.

The word picture is appropriate here as well as this show doesn’t look like a Wrestlemania is supposed to. Instead of the biggest show of the year, this felt like a random pay per view in the mid to late summer, which actually would have helped it a lot. The outside venue is cool but it feels like a fun show rather than something big and epic like the show at Madison Square Garden or the shows in big stadiums.

Overall this show has too many problems working against it. The atmosphere was a failed experiment but the card didn’t do it any favors. Yokozuna was fine as a monster to be slayed but Hogan wasn’t the choice to do it, at least not two minutes after Yokozuna won the title at Wrestlemania. I’m supposed to be impressed that Hogan beat a tired Yokozuna and had to have salt in Yokozuna’s eyes to do it? That’s not a good end to any show but the fact that it was the end of Wrestlemania made it even worse.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

How is this a Wrestlemania?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/16/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-9-wrestlemania-goes-outside/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/18/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-ix-why-would-fuji-do-that/

 

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http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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