Wrestler of the Day – July 23: Stephanie McMahon

Here’s someone you’ve probably gotten more used to lately: Stephanie McMahon.

Stephanie would join the WWF on screen as HHH’s husband. Since they ran the company, Stephanie got a Women’s Title match on Smackdown, March 30, 2000.

Women’s Title: Stephanie McMahon vs. Jacqueline

DX comes out in full with Stephanie, who of course stalls forever. The bell rings and X-Pac trips Jacqueline, allowing Tori to nail her with a DDT to give Stephanie the title.

I’ll spare you the bad matches this reign entailed and get to the end, from August 21, 2000 on Raw.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Stephanie McMahon

Yeah this was that dark time where Stephanie was champion as a side effect of the awesome HHH run. Rock is guest referee as part of his war with Trips as well. Lita easily takes her down and hammers away before popping the champ in the corner with forearms. A hurricanrana gets two but Stephanie’s friend Kurt Angle distracts Rock so HHH can trip Lita up.

The Hardys run out for a save and hammer on HHH as Stephanie fires off some lame foreams and a nice DDT for two. Lita comes right back with another hurricanrana but Angle breaks up the Litasault. The Hardys brawl with Angle/HHH until Rock pulls Angle and the title belt into the ring. Angle gets laid out but HHH jumps Rock from behind. Kurt nails HHH by mistake and it’s a Rock Bottom for the Olympian. Stephanie tries a cheap shot and gets a Rock Bottom of her own, setting up the Litasault for the pin and Lita’s first title.

Rating: D+. THis was almost all about the men fighting on the floor which was far more interesting than the girls. Stephanie was basically the Honky Tonk Man of the Women’s Title as the whole reign was there so someone could save the title and become a big star. That’s exactly what Lita did and she never looked back.

We’ll jump to a new year for one of Stephanie’s first serious matches. From Raw, January 22, 2001.

Kurt Angle/Trish Stratus vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

Trish is sweaty when she comes out. HHH sets a record for fastest time changing and is ready to go almost immediately. JR points out that HHH isn’t stretched or anything like that. He manages to get a baseball slide to Angle to take him down and the fight starts on the floor. The guys start in the ring with HHH dominating. He works on Kurt’s knee and yells at Trish for a bit.

Angle gets a spinning neckbreaker to put HHH down and brings in Trish. The genitals don’t have to match here. She comes in off the top with a cross body. Kurt dropkicks her back to put down HHH. Kurt accidently hits Stephanie and gets the tar beaten out of him by both Helmsleys. Facebuster hits Angle but he manages a belly to belly to HHH and it’s back to Trish.

She tries coming in off the top again but this time Stephanie slams her down. Was Trish just like Flair there? They slap it out and Trish spears Stephanie down. The girls brawl for awhile until Trish gets a bulldog for two. HHH Pedigrees her though and Stephanie gets the easy pin for the win.

Rating: D. Total mess here and way too much of the girls in there. Still though with like six minutes to work with and the girls being the biggest part of it this was ok. The feud with the guys went nowhere though which is a shame but the girls had some good interactions. Either way, not much of a main event but I’ve seen worse.

Stephanie got annoyed with her father for having an affair with Trish Stratus, so here’s a showdown at No Way Out 2001.

Trish Stratus vs. Stephanie McMahon

Trish is a set of curves and a gorgeous face at this point. She has no talent as far as we know in the ring so Stephanie is probably the ring general in this match. She has the awesome old school HHH music though so I can’t complain. It’s nice to see one of the girls in a t-shirt though instead of their traditional stuff. Spear and a slap fight start us off.

We’re in the crowd in like a minute as this is a big fight. Stephanie dives off the barricade with a big punch to the chest. Granted it’s hard to miss so there we are. Bulldog by Trish but it means nothing yet so it only gets two. They do the smart thing here and don’t try to make this into a wrestling match, opting instead for a fight. Water gets involved, making Lawler freak out.

Trish with wet hair and a wet chest: win. A powerbomb from Stephanie gets two and down come Trish’s shorts for a spanking. Trish in a thong wins also. The girls both go down (lucky) as does the referee. Cue Regal, who puts Trish on top (works for me) but then saves Stephanie from getting pinned since he doesn’t know what the right thing is. Trish slaps him so he takes her down with a neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: B-. This is considering who was in there and the level of their talent. It’s no classic, but considering who was in there, this was AWESOME. They didn’t bother trying to have a match and just beat each other up, which was without a doubt the right way to go. Trish would of course get FAR better, but this was pretty good considering what they had to work with. Regal saving us from the attempt at a finishing sequence was a nice break too.

From the next night on Raw.

Vince McMahon/Trish Stratus vs. William Regal/Stephanie McMahon

Vince brings out that bucket of sewage. Apparently Stephanie shoved Trish into manure on Smackdown. Trish kisses Vince to start and the girls go at it first. All Trish to start as I guess Stephanie and Regal are the faces here. Steph gets a suplex for two. They had the best match you could ever imagine they would have the previous night. DDT gets two for Stephanie.

They botch….something as Stephanie goes down. It looked like a clothesline I think but I’m not sure. Vince comes in and Steph has no idea of it. Regal backs off to huge boos. Vince gets a mic and Regal brings in the bucket. He says that what Vince wants, Vince gets. He tells Trish to get in here and tells the referee that this match is over.

Stephanie and Vince are apparently all cool and Regal takes Trish down with a neckbreaker. With Vince’s direction, Stephanie covers her with the mop in the sewage and shoves her face in the bucket. Vince says that there’s one Daddy’s Little Girl and Trish was just a toy, a toy Vince is tired of playing with. Trish would be back with Vince like next week. This was barely a match so no rating.

Stephanie and Trish would be at it again in a whipping match on Raw, April 2, 2001.

Stephanie McMahon vs. Trish Stratus

This is a spanking match which means they both have straps/whips. Trish has her face music at this point but doesn’t have Lil Kim yet. They go at it on the ramp and this could be ugly. Trish isn’t that good yet, which is an understatement if there ever was one. At least she takes the coat off so we can see the nice halter top. Stephanie chokes Trish and hits a half decent DDT. Here comes the whipping and now it’s a catfight. Stephanie gets whipped and barely moves. She hides behind Lillian which doesn’t work as Lillian goes down. Steph gets both whips but wastes too much time. Regal comes in and takes Trish down for the DQ.

Rating: D+. You would think whips involving Trish and Stephanie would be hotter than this. Not much of a match but at the same time Stephanie was actually trying to wrestle which is a major step up for her. They had a far better match at No Way Out but they were trying here at least, which helped a lot.

The following week, Stephanie hooked up with the Two Man Power Trip to face the best known three person team in the company.

Hardy Boys/Lita vs. Steve Austin/HHH/Stephanie McMahon

Genders can mix here. HHH/Austin jump the brothers very early but the Hardys clear the ring in something rather surprising. HHH and Matt get us started. Off to Jeff and there’s Poetry in Motion. There go the shirts which unfortunately Lita doesn’t go along with. Whisper in the Wind gets two on HHH. Sunset flip gets the same as this is starting very fast paced.

Matt walks into a facebuster though and it’s off to Austin. After the Hardys beat on Austin for a bit it’s heel cheating that lets Austin beat up on Jeff. Austin wants to know the difference between a choke and a blatant choke. Jeff takes Trips down with an enziguri but Austin breaks up the potential tag. Jeff manages to dive and get a double tag to bring in Matt. Everything breaks down and Lita gets Stephanie alone. Twist of Fate and Moonsault end Stephanie and the Power Trip is MAD.

Rating: C+. The idea of them losing this fast was kind of surprising but at the same time the point of it was to let the post match beatdown happen. Also on Thursday Jeff would win the Intercontinental Title. Granted he would lose it back the next Monday, but the point of that was to set up the first real challengers to the dominance. Other than that, the match was fine though.

Here’s an odd reunion as Test teamed up with Stephanie to face Rock on Raw, September 10, 2001.

Test/Stephanie McMahon vs. The Rock

Stephanie looks GREAT in the sports bra and workout pants. JR says that Stephanie left Test standing at the altar to REALLY mess with history and Heyman calls him out on it without saying what happened. Stephanie sits in on commentary instead of getting in the ring. Test jumps him in the corner to start and is quickly sent to the floor. Stephanie gets in a few shots and Test hammers on Rock back in the ring. Sidewalk slam gets two.

Off to a bearhug as Stephanie and Heyman suck up to each other. Rock comes back with the spinning DDT and both guys are down. Rock slugs away and loads up the Rock Bottom but Test escapes. Rock hits the spinebuster instead but Stephanie trips him on the People’s Elbow attempt. Test kicks Rock’s head off and Stephanie covers him for two. Rock Bottom to Stephanie is broken up so she calls down Booker. Rock counters the pumphandle and shoves Test into Stephanie, setting up the Rock Bottom for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing match but DANG Stephanie’s new rack looked great out there. Seriously there’s nothing else to praise in this match other than those things. This was the same thing they’ve done with Rock for the last three weeks so it’s kind of hard to care about this match at all.

It was so good the first time that they did it again the next week.

Stephanie McMahon/Test vs. The Rock

Stephanie is on the apron here and is knocked off almost immediately. Rock sends Test to the floor and the beating begins. Back inside Rock gets two but Test pounds him into the corner. Rock fires off some rights but walks into a gutwrench powerbomb for two. Test beats him down again and Stephanie comes in, only for Rock to nip up. The Canadian runs him over again and loads up the big boot but instead he walks into a Rock Bottom. Nick Patrick is with Stephanie though and that earns him a Rock Bottom of his own. Rock goes after Steph but Shane and Booker run in. Everyone hits their finishers and Steph gets the pin.

Rating: D+. I don’t particularly get how this is supposed to make me want to see Booker and Shane vs. Rock on Sunday but it got Stephanie on TV and let her pin the Rock so it must be a good idea right? Just have Rock face Shane and then have Booker and everyone else interfere and let Shane get the pin. How is that any different? Oh right: it doesn’t let Stephanie get to be on TV. Got it.

Stephanie and HHH would split in 2002 with Stephanie joining forces with Chris Jericho. This led to a three way match for HHH’s WWF Title on Raw, March 25, 2002.

Undisputed Title: Stephanie McMahon vs. HHH vs. Chris Jericho

This is a triple threat and if Stephanie is pinned she’s out of the company. Jericho sends HHH to the floor and Stephanie lays down for Jericho but HHH makes the save. HHH won the title 8 days before this mind you. Totally boring match as the two wrestlers have to be on pins and needles so Stephanie doesn’t get exposed as being NOT A WRESTLER.

Stephanie slaps Jericho for some reason and they argue. Jericho goes for the Walls as this match needs to end. We know HHH isn’t losing so quit teasing us about it. HHH knocks Jericho down and stalks Stephanie. Pedigree is set up but Jericho hits a dropkick to stop it. Jericho grabs a title and a chair and through some odd stuff both HHH and Jericho get belt shots.

Stephanie comes in and covers Jericho for two. She does this weird thing of lifting her leg on covers. HHH gets caught in the Walls but Stephanie jumps on Jericho’s back. Pedigree gets two on Jericho and Stephanie makes the save. Spinebuster ends her and she’s gone….for four months until she became Smackdown’s GM. Security literally drags her away.

Rating: D-. Just horrible stuff here as HHH and Jericho more or less did nothing while this was about Stephanie all over again. What a shock right? She was the focus of just about everything for a good while and this would only get worse in 03/04 when Smackdown was ALL about her and Vince and their stupid feud for power. This was a glorified house show main event though and was really quite stupid.

Stephanie wanted to get one legged Zack Gowen a job, so all they had to do was win a match on July 3, 2003 on Smackdown.

Stephanie McMahon/Zack Gowen vs. Big Show

Anything goes so Vince and Sable are at ringside to watch the torture. Gowen is thrown down like he’s nothing to start so Stephanie jumps on the giant’s back. This goes as well as you would expect before Big Show LAUCHES Gowen from the floor, over the top and back inside. Big Show lifts her into the air and Vince says throw her to the floor. Gowen tries to make another save and is easily clotheslined down.

Stephanie slaps Vince but gets grabbed for a chokeslam. This brings out Kurt Angle for an ankle lock to the giant but Vince nails him with a chair. Cue WWE Champion Brock Lesnar but Show kicks him in the face. Gowen hits a kind of Van Daminator to Big Show, setting up an Olympic Slam and F5 to Big Show. Zack adds a moonsault for the pin and a contract. In a funny post match moment, Angle goes to lift Gowen on his shoulders but realizes there’s only one leg.

Rating: D. Much more of an angle than a match but I could watch Brock throw Big Show around all day. It’s just awesome to see a man that big get tossed like a cruiserweight. The match was barely there and it was all about Stephanie vs. Vince, but at least we got a cool moment in the process.

In 2003, Vince and Stephanie feuded because they’re McMahons. Vince was sleeping with Sable at the time, so here’s the showdown from Vengeance 2003.

Stephanie McMahon vs. Sable

Vince was having an affair with Sable and all of Smackdown had become about them. Yeah I’m shocked too. For some reason this is no count out. That’s just an odd stipulation. This is a catfight, whatever that means. Sable is freaking gorgeous. Stephanie was at a weird stage here and it didn’t work that well for her. We’re in the crowd already. Stephanie actually gets a half decent rollup. I’m surprised.

She goes off on Sable as well as she can and Sable tries to run. That obviously doesn’t work either. Stephanie actually busts out the Mr. Perfect neck snap. WOW. She goes off on Sable in the corner and winds up ripping part of her top off. The referee rips his shirt off for her to put on. And here’s A-Train of all people to flatten Stephanie so Sable can win. Ok then.

Rating: D. This was WAY better than it had any right to be. That being said, it still sucked. They just weren’t going to have a good match no matter what they did, although Stephanie was certainly trying so I can’t fault her for that at all. Not any good at all but they tried so I can give them points there.

Vince really hated Stephanie in 2003 so he made this match on September 11, 2003 on Smackdown.

Stephanie McMahon vs. Brock Lesnar

Vince gives her a chance to quit her job as GM before the bell but Stephanie won’t do it. Stephanie gets in a low blow but Vince pulls her back into the ring. That earns him a low blow as well but Brock is back up. He rams her into the barricade but Stephanie ducks flying steps. Instead Brock picks her up for an F5 on the ramp but Kurt Angle runs out for the save and a big brawl to end the “match”.

We’ll wrap it up, appropriately enough, with an I Quit match from No Mercy 2003.

Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

I Quit match and Stephanie can win by pin as well. It’s also no holds barred and no one can interfere on her behalf. Linda is here too to make sure this match is acted even worse. Sable is with Vince. Vince jumps Stephanie to start. He’s evil you know. Stephanie jumps on his back and screams a lot. She kicks him into the corner so he runs her over. Vince throws her around and Cole is up to about 20 “THAT’S HIS DAUGHTER” lines a minute.

Sable slaps Stephanie so Linda chases her around. Vince hooks a half crab and Stephanie screams a lot. Off to a bow and arrow and Stephanie can’t even sell her face properly. Sable slides in a pipe but Linda stops her. Vince grabs Linda so she slaps him and Steph hits Vince low with the pipe for two. She pulls the pipe back and hits him in the ribs and the back and in the face but Vince doesn’t go down. A shot from the middle rope to the top of the head gets two.

This match has been going on about four minutes and I already hate it. Sable gets in a fight with Stephanie so Stephanie rams Vince into her and bulldogs him for two. She gets the pipe again but Vince grabs her by the throat and shoves her down. Now Vince has the pipe and hits her in the ribs. He chokes her with the pipe and Linda shouts to quit because it’s not worth it. Linda throws in the towel because Stephanie can’t give up. You know, to protect her reputation and all that.

Rating: F. This got more of a build than the world title match, the US Title match and the Angle vs. Cena match. You figure out why this was a failure.

So yeah….Stephanie isn’t very good in the ring. 2003 was a nightmare but she’s willing to take a beating and be humiliated when the time is right. Unfortunately there’s a LONG amount of time between those losses at times and her talking can be a nightmare to sit through. At least she’s nice to look at and is getting better looking with age.

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Monday Night Raw – August 11: 2014: Something Something Rhymes With Hogan

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 11, 2014
Location: Moda Center, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Tonight is both the go home show for Summerslam as well as a special birthday celebration for the one and only Hulk Hogan. We’re scheduled to see some special guests and I’m assuming a bunch of retrospectives on Hogan’s career, which could make for some interesting moments. Other than that, Cena and Lesnar are both back so we should get some solid build for Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a bunch of red and yellow presents on the stage for later.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar to get things going. Lesnar’s shirt now has REPEAT covered by a John Cena sticker. Heyman says Lesnar will be the next World Heavyweight Champion and says he’s going to give us a taste of his selling abilities. If he has to come out here and explain the beating that Cena is going to suffer on Sunday, then you’re missing the point. Lesnar is here to address Cena fans, because bad things happen to good people when they step into the ring with Brock.

We see stills from Wrestlemania of Lesnar breaking the Streak and the audience’s shock. Heyman brings up Brock getting rid of Rock for six months back in 2002 and sending Hogan out of the WWE as a rookie. That leaves Brock with John Cena. If you’re a fan of Cena, don’t miss Summerslam because it’s going to be the end of John Cena.

We get stills from Extreme Rules 2012 and Heyman blames the loss on Lesnar’s real life illness. That was Brock at 50% and Cena still got the beating of his life. This coming beating will be that of a Shakespearean tragedy. Heyman actually rhymes about Cena (“We can’t rap like you. I’m just Brock’s advocating Jew.”) and the loss on Sunday. Heyman is going to take the big man out to dinner now and they’ll be back home tonight.

Flo Rida and Werid Al Yankovic say Happy Birthday Hulk.

Here’s Reigns for his match but Kane interrupts. Kane is back to being corporate with the suit and says he’s Director of Wrestling Operations again. He says Reigns won his match against Kane (speaking in third person for some reason) last week and it was almost like beating two men. Therefore, let’s see him face two men tonight.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Roman Reigns

Axel starts for the team and gets caught in a headlock before being shoved down to the mat. Reigns shoves him into the corner and it’s off to Ryback. It’s almost sad to see how far Ryback has fallen in the last two years. They slug it out a bit with Reigns getting the better of it, only to have Axel offer a distraction, allowing Ryback to powerbomb Roman down. We take a break and come back with Reigns fighting out of a Ryback chinlock before they head outside. Reigns gets posted a few times and that’s a DQ at 9:09.

Rating: D+. SERIOUSLY? You can’t have Ryback and Axel take a pin? Everyone else pins them but the next top star has to beat them by DQ? The match was boring on top of that as you were waiting on the big Reigns comeback but instead he wins by DQ. This one boggles my mind.

Post match Reigns beats both guys up because he’s Roman Reigns and they’re Ryback/Curtis Axel. Reigns says he’s never stolen anything from Orton but he’s taking everything on Sunday. When you knock a viper’s fangs down its shirt, it’s just a worthless little worm. Believe that.

Orton gets on Kane for losing last week and promises to get the job done on Sunday. Kane makes Orton vs. Sheamus tonight. Something odd here: Kane is supposed to be 6’10, meaning Orton has suddenly hit 6’8.

Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins

The match that was supposed to happen last week. They fight into the corner to start with Seth in control, only to be countered on a whip. A clothesline puts Seth down and Rob nails a standing moonsault for two. They slug it out some more with Seth avoiding a charge in the corner before taking him down to the mat in a headlock. Back up and the rolling leg scissors gets two for Rob and the springboard kick to the face gets the same. Rollins rolls to the floor, only to get nailed by a baseball slide. The spinning kick to the apron misses though and we take a break.

Back with Rollins holding a headlock before sending Van Dam into the corner. Rob fights back with a BIG kick to send Rollins staggering. A quick slam sets up Rolling Thunder for another near fall, followed by a superkick for two. Seth jumps over Rob and kicks him in the ribs. The monkey flip is countered into the Curb Stomp for a fast pin on Van Dam at approximately 7:58.

Rating: C. The match was fast and not all that great. Van Dam is there to do one thing and it’s getting a bit boring to watch him do the same stuff over and over again. This was a shorter version of his usual stuff though and that makes for a more entertaining match than the fifteen minute versions.

Post match Rollins looks through Hogan’s presents and thinks Ambrose is in one of them. He realizes he’s being crazy and leaves but Dean pops out of the big box and beats Seth into the crowd. Dean says that the show costs $9.99 on Sunday and he’s going to get his money’s worth.

Here’s Stephanie who talks about how important her match with Brie is on Sunday. We see a picture of Daniel with his physical therapist, who happens to be in the crowd tonight. Stephanie has her come into the ring and the therapist (Megan) is crying. She says that she’s a victim in this and that she’s doing her best to get Bryan back into the ring because that’s what Daniel loves to do.

Megan cries even more and eventually says that she and Bryan have been having an affair. This brings out Brie to yell as Stephanie says that Megan was shouting YES after every physical therapy session. Brie slaps Megan and takes Stephanie down. She’s so mad that she puts on a horrible YES Lock and Stephanie makes a match between the two of them tonight.

Drew Brees, AJ Hawk and Aaron Rodgers (NFL superstars) wish Hogan a Happy Birthday.

Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger has taped up ribs. Cesaro takes him down with a quickly shoulder block but gets caught in the Rick Steiner powerslam/belly to belly for two. The bald guy comes back with a gutwrench suplex and an abdominal stretch. A middle rope ax handle has Swagger in trouble but he blocks another into a belly to belly. The fans are really not interested in what they’re seeing here.

Cesaro comes back by dropping Swagger’s ribs over the top rope and knocking him into the barricade as we take a break. Back with another abdominal stretch on Swagger, only for him to escape and nail a bad looking big boot. A Vader Bomb gets two but Cesaro kicks him in the face for two of his own. Cesaro gets two more off a middle rope backsplash before loading up the apron superplex.

Swagger picks him up and pulls him to the apron but Cesaro gets back inside. He loads up Swiss Death but drops Swagger down onto his knee instead. A low uppercut gets two but a double stomp is countered into a Patriot Lock attempt. Cesaro quickly makes the ropes and kicks Swagger in the ribs, only to get pulled off the top into the Patriot Lock for the tap out at 12:00.

Rating: C. This was….long. Cesaro has fallen through the floor over the summer and it’s really sad to see. I can live with Swagger getting the face push that he’s needed for years, but it’s sad to see it coming at the expense of someone with so much potential. The match was entertaining but didn’t need to last this long.

Post match Zeb says they’re calling this Sunday’s show Deportslam when they get rid of Rusev and Lana. They load up WE THE PEOPLE but the Ruassian flag comes down and we get the Russians.

Earlier today, Bray Wyatt and Chris Jericho sat down for an interview with Michael Cole. Bray immediately sends Cole out of the room and asks Jericho if he remembers his dreams as a child. Wyatt remembers the scared little boy who wanted to live up to his daddy. Can Jericho still see the disappointment in his dad’s eyes? Now Jericho can’t even save himself.

Bray knows a lot about Jericho but Jericho knows nothing about him. Everytime Bray tries to sleep, he hears the screams in his recurring nightmares. Never once did he claim to be a savior though, because he isn’t. The only thing he lives for is to help people that can’t help themselves. You can’t just whisper words anymore because you have to scream it until their ears bleed.

The only way to help someone is to hurt them. Bray has been around a long time and has hurt a lot of people. He isn’t sorry for it either because he has no conscience and doesn’t believe in Heaven or Hell. Bray hates everything this world has created because he’s a monster and the eater of worlds. The human race is lost and the pale horse is coming for Jericho at Summerslam. Bray’s smile will be the last thing he’ll ever see.

Jericho says he isn’t a savior, but after being here for fifteen years, he’s become a survivor. There are a lot of different faces of Chris Jericho, but he’s going to shove the buzzards right down Bray’s throat and leave him speechless. Jericho leaves and Bray laughs to end this rather creepy segment. Bray’s voice sounded higher here.

AJ Lee vs. Eva Marie

Non-title. AJ easily takes her down to the mat but here’s Paige to skip around the ring. As is always the case, the distraction lets Eva get a rollup pin at 1:07.

Post match Paige reads a poem about throwing AJ off the stage but wanting to punch her face. She’ll skip out of Summerslam with the title. What’s with all the rhyming tonight? AJ goes after Eva, who is down on the floor despite only being in a headlock for about twenty seconds.

Opening segment recap.

Here’s Cena for his response to Lesnar. He says his name is John Cena and he’s going to get mauled in six days, assuming you believe Paul Heyman. Lesnar is going to do a lot of things on Sunday but he will not win. He’s going to have to make Cena lose and John isn’t laying down for Brock Lesnar. Cena isn’t laying down because Lesnar doesn’t deserve this title. One day Cena is going to lose, but it won’t be on Sunday and we all know why.

Cena doesn’t like Brock because he’s an arrogant bully that cares about no one but himself. There has never been a more selfish man to ever set foot in the WWE locker room. This is a business, but Brock being arrogant doesn’t make him deserve this title. Cena talks about how he’s heard the fans cheer and he’s heard the fans boo. He’s been told he can’t wrestle and he’s heard dueling fan chants but he keeps coming out here with a smile on his face.

That brings up the question of when is it enough. When does he stop caring about the t-shirts, the hats and the wristbands and go nuts? This Sunday he’s facing a beast and that’s what he’ll become to keep this title out of the hands of Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman told the fans earlier tonight that this is his house and the fans belong to him. That’s not what the title stands for and any idiot knows that this house belongs to the fans.

However, Cena will play along tonight. If this is Brock’s house, then there’s a stranger in his living room, so come try and kick him out. There’s no Lesnar so Cena makes fun of the disease Brock had a few years back. He says he has too many fingers so he’s giving Brock the middle one. After more waiting, Cena gives up and says he’ll conquer the conqueror. This Sunday the champ is here. Good promo from Cena here, but he has no chance.

Larry King wishes he was as tanned as Hulk and the country music band Florida Georgia Line wishes him Happy Birthday.

Stephanie McMahon vs. Brie Bella

Brie almost trips on the way to the ring but seems remarkably calm an hour after being told her husband is cheating on her. Stephanie comes out in her regular outfit from earlier and says we’re waiting for Summerslam. She shows us the slap to Megan and that’s grounds for pressing charges. Brie is arrested and Stephanie laughs a lot.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Heath Slater

Miz is standing on the announcers’ table and runs his mouth until JBL unplugs his microphone. That goes nowhere as Ziggler dropkicks Slater down. The big elbow drop gets two but Slater grabs a small package and nails a side kick for two. Miz brings up Cole being a former Miz fan and Cole has nothing to say. Ziggler nails some clotheslines but misses a charge, only to hit the Zig Zag. Miz comes in for a distraction but Ziggler catches him at ringside and sends him into the barricade. Somehow this isn’t a DQ and Slater wins by countout at 4:21.

Rating: D. This was more of an angle than a match and my goodness what is up with Slater getting this push? The match was barely there and another challenger loses going into his title shot at the big show. You know, because he just has to. Thankfully he’s the only one tonight but it’s such a common trend in WWE.

Another Zig Zag puts Slater down post match. To be fair Slater went after Dolph first.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

It’s been awhile since we’ve seen the pale one and of course this is non-title. Sheamus sends him into the corner to start but Orton pounds him down to take over. Back up and Orton charges into a boot, followed by a not very hard slam. A middle rope knee drop gets two for Sheamus but Orton fights out of the ten forearms to the chest and we take a break.

Back with Orton holding a chinlock after backdropping Sheamus over the barricade during the break. Sheamus fights back and takes it to the floor, only to get dropped back first onto the announcers’ table. Back in and Sheamus nails a side slam to start his comeback. Orton fights back again and takes it outside but gets caught in the ten forearms on the way back in. The rolling fireman’s carry gets two but Orton counters the Irish Curse into the backbreaker for two.

There’s the Elevated DDT but Orton walks around instead of covering. Sheamus wisely rolls to the floor to avoid the RKO and comes back in with the slingshot shoulder. There’s the powerslam for two on Randy but Sheamus misses a charge and hits the buckle. Orton charges into boots and Sheamus goes up for the shoulder, only to dive into the RKO for the pin at 13:10.

Rating: B-. I always thought these two could have a good match and that’s what you saw here. I like the ending more than I thought I would have as it was something that Sheamus could have been trying instead of just giving him a stupid reason to go up. I don’t like a champion losing, but at least it’s to a bigger star. Good match.

Clip of a Cena vs. Lesnar special airing on the Network after Raw.

The roster is on the stage for Hogan’s birthday celebration. Your emcees for this event: Jimmy Hart and Gene Okerlund. And really, could it be anyone else? Gene brings out Hulk for a video on his career set to a song called Forever Young. There’s some cool old school stuff in there, including his original heel run with Blassie.

Back in the arena and the fans are going nuts for Hulk. Hogan says he’s speechless for the first time in his career but musters up a few words. Everyone has been giving Hogan presents today, and even Vince gave him a card with $9.99 in it. The fans are now chanting $9.99 whenever it’s said. Hulk talks about Hulkamania being a two way street and hopes that he’s been able to touch the fans’ lives almost as much as he’s touched their lives. Hogan loves the Hulkamaniacs and the WWE Universe…and here’s Flair.

Nothing happens but here’s Paul Orndorff, complete with his HORRIBLE 1995 theme songs, which is basically women shouting HE’S WONDERFUL in high pitched, opera style voices. We get the required appearance from the hometown boy Roddy Piper. No one is saying anything between these appearances, making it very much like Flair’s retirement ceremony from a few years back. Hall and Nash come out as well with Hall taking a survey (no one seems to remember that), saying that the fans want Hogan in Black and White. Hogan rips off the red and yellow to reveal an NWO shirt. Nash leads Happy Birthday….and here’s Lesnar.

Heyman asks Hogan what he’s going to do and calls him grandpa. Cena runs out and is ready to fight but Brock and Heyman bail. No contact or anything and we’re told that the Hogan birthday celebration will continue after the show on the Network…..for just $9.99! Ok they didn’t say that but it’s implied. Cena and Lesnar shout at each other to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was another show that would have been much better if they cut it down by an hour. That being said, I do want to see Summerslam more than I did earlier today. The Hogan stuff was decent enough, but it really would have been nice to see something earlier than 10:58. I was entertained, though it took awhile to wake me up at some points.

Results
Roman Reigns b. Ryback/Curtis Axel via DQ when Reigns was sent into the post
Seth Rollins b. Rob Van Dam – Curb Stomp
Jack Swagger b. Cesaro – Patriot Lock
Eva Marie b. AJ Lee – Rollup
Heath Slater b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
Randy Orton b. Sheamus – RKO

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Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: August 4, 2014

We’re still in the dry stretch before we get to Summerslam and that makes for some very uninteresting hours of television. The fact that Lesnar, Cena and Heyman were all absent from Monday’s show didn’t make things any better. That’s not to say the show was a disaster though so let’s get to it.

The Authority opened the show and let’s get this out of the way: they plugged the Network and it’s $9.99 price ALL NIGHT LONG. Yeah it gets annoying, but at the same time, what are you expecting them to do? The company’s future depends a lot on that thing succeeding and the international release is going to help them out a lot. I don’t care for it either, but it’s something I can live with for the sake of the future.

The point of the promo was to set up the night’s festivities: Ambrose vs. Del Rio and Rollins vs. Van Dam in a Beat the Clock Challenge with the winner getting to pick the stipulation at Summerslam, Stephanie and Brie having a contract signing, and Orton being ticked off at Reigns for various reasons. Reigns came out and wanted to fight, but got a match with Kane instead.

Reigns beat Kane in a pretty weak Last Man Standing match. I don’t care for putting these matches together on the fly like this, especially when this would have been a better option for Battleground. Reigns beating another World Champion is a good thing, but Kane has really started to hit rock bottom on these things. He’s just there anymore and it’s getting hard to sit through.

We got the first of two videos on Brock vs. Cena. These were really well done and made Brock sound like a person instead of just a killing machine. That’s a good thing as it adds another level of character to him.

Mark Henry returned and destroyed Damien Sandow, who was playing an Oklahoma Sooner football player this week. I’m guessing this was a shot at JR and I really don’t mind it that much. It’s not like it was that insulting. It was just cheap heat.

Ambrose beat Del Rio in a long and not very good match. Del Rio beat on Ambrose’s bad arm for his usual good psychology but Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds with the other arm (his right arm) for the pin. That didn’t do much for me as it wouldn’t seem to matter which arm he used. This would be Del Rio’s last televised match in WWE and I can’t say I’m going to miss him that much.

Rusev beat Sin Cara on the App in his usual style. I have no idea why I’m supposed to care about that. Colter came out and did the usual back and forth with Lana before Rusev beat up Swagger.

Dolph Ziggler pinned Cesaro in a quick match while Miz talked trash. Nothing to see here.

Paige hopes AJ gets better soon. These segments are all so short that there isn’t much to talk about.

Goldust and Stardust beat Ryback and Curtis Axel because that’s what these teams do.

Kane took off his mask and gave it to the Authority. I really don’t care about this anymore given how many times it’s happened now.

Bray Wyatt got Luke Harper disqualified against Chris Jericho, meaning Harper is barred from ringside at Summerslam. Why this match got five minutes with all the other nonsense we had to sit through is beyond me, as these two seem capable of having a great fifteen or so minute match.

Diego beat Fandango again, but this time Hornswoggle got to dance with Torito and the girls. This is time that could have gone to Harper vs. Jericho.

Orton had very little to say about Roman Reigns.

Bo Dallas beat R-Truth with a quick rollup, making the loss last week seem meaningless.

Bray Wyatt said his usual schtick.

Another Lesnar vs. Cena video with a lot of the same clips from earlier.

Heath Slater replaced RVD (injured) in the match with Rollins. Ambrose came out for a great series of distractions, allowing Slater to get a rollup pin. Dean is so perfect for this role and it works like a charm.

Stephanie and Brie had their contract signing with Stephanie beating up both Bellas. We need the big names back, if nothing else so we don’t have to put up with this closing the shows anymore.

The show was far longer than interesting. There’s about a two hour stretch in there that drags on for so long because everything is so quick and dull that it’s hard to care about it one way or another. Summerslam really needs to get here so we can have something new to watch though. It’s really not working right now and a lot of that is due to the focus on Brie vs. Stephanie. I’m still waiting on an explanation for how this match is historic, but it might be because it’s the least interesting match to close back to back Raws in years.

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Monday Night Raw – August 4, 2014: I’ve Got 9.99 Problems And Brie Bella Is One

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 4, 2014
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is a very dull time for WWE as so much of the Summerslam build is already done and there are still four weeks to go before the show. They’re already running out of things to put on the shows so you can expect a lot of filler instead of interesting ideas. Also you can see the Network plugs coming from here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Orton attacking Reigns last week.

Here’s the Authority in full force to open things up. HHH talks about how we can watch Summerslam in two weeks on the WWE Network for just $9.99. He lists off a few more matches and mentions the Network price three or four more times. As for tonight, there’s going to be a Beat the Clock Challenge between Rollins (vs. Van Dam) and Ambrose (vs. Del Rio) with the winner picking the stipulation for the match at Summerslam (“Available on the WWE Network for just $9.99!”).

Stephanie talks about signing the contract with Brie tonight and how that’s going to be on the Network for….well you know the idea by now. So does the crowd as they’re finishing HHH’s lines for him. Lawler is cracking jokes about it as well, even though HHH is clearly hammering it home to play up the heel heat.

Orton says that what he did last week was nothing compared to what he’s going to do to him at Summerslam. This brings out Reigns who says that he wants to fight tonight, but HHH has another idea. They’ll fight at Summerslam (“On the WWE Network for just $9.99!”) but tonight, it’s Reigns vs. Kane in a last man standing match.

Kane vs. Roman Reigns

Last man standing. Reigns hammers away to start as the announcers talk about the Network even more. They head outside with Reigns being hammered up against the barricade and then sent into the steps for a five count. Reigns is sent into the post a few more times as the announcers continue to hammer the $9.99 joke into the ground to the point where I’m laughing at it.

We take an early break and come back with Reigns reversing Kane into a chair wedged into the corner. Some charges into the corner have Kane in even more trouble and Roman hammers away with right hands. There’s the apron boot but Kane blocks a spear. A table is brought in and Kane counters a Superman Punch into a quick chokeslam to put Reigns through the wood for nine.

Kane is frustrated and sets up a chair in the middle of the ring. The tombstone is countered and Reigns hits a DDT onto the chair. Reigns hits the Superman Punch but charges into another chokeslam. Reigns slips out again and nails a bad spear to keep Kane down for the ten count at 15:16.

Rating: C-. Well that happened. I have no idea why but it happened. This idea of throwing gimmick matches onto the card is a really bad idea. It wasn’t a very good last man standing match either as there was no way Kane was going to win. Reigns beating Kane is a good thing, but not in an unnecessary gimmick match.

We get a LONG (as in about five minutes) video on Brock vs. Cena, with sitdown promos from both guys, talking about how awesome they are and saying this is going to be the fight of their lives, even though Brock knows he’s going to win. This is a really solid video with clips of the Extreme Rules match and the Streak being broken. We even get stills from some UFC fights. Brock says if he had stayed in the WWE, Cena would be sitting at home eating Fruity Pebbles instead of getting paid to eat them on TV. Lesnar promises to leave Cena in a pool of his own blood.

Network plug.

Here’s Damien Sandow as an Oklahoma Sooner football player. He rips on the Texas Longhorns before his opponent is announced as a former Longhorn.

Mark Henry vs. Damien Sandow

World’s Strongest Slam, Henry walks around, pin in 40 seconds. Not quite the battle to save Christmas.

Adam Rose is in the back and looks at the Oculus Mirror. He says it shows your nightmare, so we see him in a suit as a businessman. Rose and the Rosebuds leave after this STUPID segment.

Beat the Clock: Dean Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio

Jerry: “I hope this match goes 10:39.” Cole: “Why?” Jerry: “Then it would be 9.99!” Del Rio takes over with some kicks including a dropkick to the back of the head for two. Some choking in the corner has Dean in trouble but he comes back with some right hands of his own. They head outside with Del Rio sending Ambrose hard into the barricade. Back in and Del Rio hammers away on the bad arm and sends it into the post.

An armbar goes nowhere and Del Rio jumps into a boot. Dean makes his comeback but gets caught by the low superkick for two. Alberto sends him out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Deal fighting out of another armbar but getting taken right back down. Del Rio accidentally kicks the post instead of Dean’s shoulder and gets caught in a DDT.

Del Rio counters the Dirty Deeds and hits a VERY low reverse superplex for two. The Rebound Clothesline gets two on Alberto but he counters Dirty Deeds into a Codebreaker on the arm. The armbreaker over the ropes has the arm in even more trouble but Dean nails Dirty Deeds for the pin at 15:42.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here as they could have done this in about half the time. The arm stuff is fine but it gets annoying to see it week after week after week. Del Rio being down in the midcard is a good thing for him as he just does not fit in the main event. Ambrose vs. Rollins should rock, as long as they keep the energy up.

Long recap of Stephanie and Brie last week.

Rusev vs. Sin Cara

This match took place during the break on the WWE App with Rusev winning a squash in about 45 seconds via the Accolade. Uh….sweet?

Post match we get pictures of Obama holding a dog and Putin holding what looks like a cheetah. Lana sings Happy Birthday to Obama in Russian until Colter and Swagger interrupt. Colter goes on a rant about how everyone is sick of Lana’s Russian ramblings and shows some photos of American men and women Swagger is fighting for. He cranks it up by showing stills of American soldiers and the USA chant begins. Rusev and Lana pretend to back off but Rusev nails Swagger with the Russian flag. Colter is left alone but Lana calls Rusev off.

The big Network announcement: it’s going international on August 12 and to England on October 1.

Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler

Miz is on commentary drinking tea because he has a hoarse voice. Cesaro throws Ziggler around with ease but has a suplex reversed into the Zig Zag for the pin at 2:58. Nothing match but Cesaro gets to job AGAIN.

Post match Miz gets in the ring but runs from a superkick.

After a clip of Paige knocking AJ off the stage last week, Paige says she admires AJ and that she can’t wait for their match at Summerslam.

Stardust/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Goldust hammers on Ryback to start but gets taken into the wrong corner for some quick double teaming. A suplex gets two on Goldust and it’s off to Axel, who quickly allows Goldust to roll over for the tag to Stardust. Everything breaks down and Dark Matter (Downward Spiral) to Axel gets the pin at 2:50.

Kane comes in to see the Authority and takes off his mask, hands it to Stephanie, and leaves.

Chris Jericho vs. Luke Harper

If Jericho wins, Harper is barred from ringside at Summerslam. Jericho gets taken down into the corner but comes back with chops, only to get run over with a forearm. Off to the Gator Roll but Jericho fights up again with chops. An enziguri gets two on Luke but he comes back with a Michinoku Driver for the same.

There’s a big sitout powerbomb for the same and Harper calmly smiles. Back up and Jericho grabs the Walls but Bray comes out for a distraction. Harper is down so Jericho has to hit the Codebreaker on Harper. The distraction….doesn’t work as a Codebreaker puts Harper on the floor, only to have Bray come in for the DQ at 5:20.

Rating: C. This was fine and sets up Jericho vs. Bray one on one at Summerslam, but I really would have liked to see Harper vs. Jericho get about fifteen minutes instead of five. The ending was kind of surprising, but at least Bray’s distraction wasn’t the cause of a pin. It seems like they’re almost mocking that now, so maybe its time is almost over.

Sister Abigail lays out Jericho post match.

AJ Lee returns tomorrow night on Main Event. In other words, she missed Raw and has been gone for three days?

Diego vs. Fandango

Because THIS needed a trilogy. This time, Fandango has Hornswoggle as his new dance partner. Diego easily takes Fandango down but gets distracted by Hornswoggle. It backfires on the dancer though and another Backstabber gets the pin on Fandango at 48 seconds.

Hornswoggle joins Diego, Torito, and the girls but Fandango gets annoyed. That goes nowhere and Fandango is dispatched again, because this story needed to be done three times.

Orton looks at a video of his attack on Reigns last week and says that he’s going to do even worse at Summerslam.

Bo Dallas vs. R-Truth

Now how did I know it would be R-Truth again? Truth shoves him around to start but misses the ax kick. Dallas rolls him up with a handful of tights for the pin at 1:05.

JBL now has a $9.99 sign.

Bray comes up on screen and asks why the man does what he does. Why does the man say what he says and why don’t the sheep run from the hungry wolf? At Summerslam, he enters battle without his brothers. He won’t be alone though because her hand guides him and the world leaves him behind. How can Jericho save what is already dead? What is Bray? He’s the nightmare at the end of Jericho’s dreams and he stands beyond time. Time to sing.

The announcers plug Brock vs. Cena from Extreme Rules airing immediately after Raw on the Network.

More from the Lesnar and Cena interviews in another solid video. This is a nice way to cover Brock and Cena not being there tonight. This time Brock says he’s back to be WWE Champion and is coming off the biggest win of his career. Why shouldn’t he have been able to beat Undertaker? The Undertaker wasn’t a god and Brock Lesnar is a beast. Now why can’t he beat Cena? John talks about how he knows what kind of a beating he’s in for but he knows what it takes to beat Brock. If Lesnar wants some, come get some. We get some of the same clips from the first video as well.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins

I forgot this was happening. Seth has to beat 15:42. JBL actually picks Van Dam to win here because Seth is going to be thinking about the clock. Actually scratch this as the Authority has a replacement for Van Dam.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Heath Slater vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins allows Slater to leave but Heath fires off some right hands. Ambrose comes out for a distraction, allowing Slater to get a VERY close two off a running neckbreaker. Now Dean takes the briefcase and starts looking through it, even ripping up Seth’s contract. This distraction lets Slater hit a side kick for an even closer two. Dean starts drinking a fan’s soda and pours it into the briefcase. He follows it up with popcorn and JBL’s hat as Rollins keeps shouting at him. Dean gets up on the table, and you know that’s enough for Slater to get a rollup pin at 4:56.

Rating: D+. I’m skeptical to rate this as a wrestling match but it was really solid as an angle. Dean playing the mind games before the showdown is nothing but gold and the showdown is going to be awesome. The stipulations could make or break the match though as they need to have an all out brawl.

One more Network ad, this time for the Cena vs. Lesnar match from 2012 airing after the show.

Time for the main event segment: Brie and Stephanie’s contract signing. HHH comes out to back up his wife and Brie of course has Nikki. HHH says that he’s the COO and would usually be in charge of this, but since he has a conflict of interest, it’s Michael Cole in charge. The bosses kiss a bit so Brie says let’s get to it. Stephanie finally brings up Daniel Bryan, who is still recovering.

Brie shows us Stephanie being arrested two weeks ago to drag this out even more. She makes some bizarre references to Stephanie being with some woman during her time in jail before saying she’ll humiliate Stephanie in front of the universe at Summerslam. This is going to be for Daniel Bryan, Vickie Guerrero, the Rhodes Family, and every other person on the roster that Stephanie has tortured. A quick Punk chant starts up as Brie talks about karma coming around onto Stephanie.

Now it’s Stephanie’s turn as she calls Brie a wannabe reality star who stole the spotlight from her sister and abandoned her husband. Stephanie is already embarrassed to be in the same ring as Brie and isn’t going to let her make history at Summerslam. She slaps Nikki and shoves the table into Brie’s stomach, sending her into the corner. A Pedigree from Stephanie lays out Nikki but Brie slaps HHH. Stephanie nails Brie and lays her out with a Pedigree as well. The Authority kisses some more to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show felt REALLY long and had far too much stuff that ate up a lot of time. When you have your third meetings between Fandango and Diego and then Bo Dallas and R-Truth, you can tell they’re just filling in time. It’s also proof that Cena really picks up a show as there was almost no energy to so much of this stuff. Is Kane unmasking for like the third time supposed to get my attention? That’s the best they’ve got?

Of course I have to mention all the $9.99 stuff. I get what they were going for with the evil boss plugging stuff like a businessman would, but later on when the announcers were doing it seemingly of their own free will, it takes away the evil and comes off like a lame commercial. This is WWE in a nutshell though: if something doesn’t work, keep doing it until someone buys it out of pity.

Results
Roman Reigns b. Kane – Kane couldn’t answer the ten count
Mark Henry b. Damien Sandow – World’s Strongest Slam
Dean Ambrose b. Alberto Del Rio – Dirty Deeds
Rusev b. Sin Cara – Accolade
Dolph Ziggler b. Cesaro – Zig Zag
Goldust/Stardust b. Curtis Axel/Ryback – Dark Matter to Axel
Diego b. Fernando – Backstabber
Bo Dallas b. R-Truth – Rollup with a handful of tights
Heath Slater b. Seth Rollins – Rollup

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http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: July 28, 2014

We’re heading into Summerslam and one major thing stood out to me about this episode of Raw. Was it the World Title match? The grudge match between Ambrose and Rollins? Wyatt vs. Jericho II? Maybe even Rusev vs. Swagger? Of course not. I have a feeling I’ll have a lot to say about this one. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focused on Brie and Stephanie, plus some other stuff from last week.

Cena opened the show and talked about how he knows he’s coming into Summerslam for the beating of his life but he’s going to fight for everything he’s worth. Heyman came out and got in an argument with Cena where they talked about what passion meant. Cena brought up ECW and touched a chord with Heyman, as you would expect him to.

There was a lot of talk about Brock wanting to make Cena a victim just like the Undertaker. Heyman is reaching new levels of milking a single match, but that’s exactly why they gave Brock the Streak and it’s working like charm. This was really solid stuff and made me think that Cena is going to lose, but it’s going to be in a war.

Speaking of a war, Cesaro came out at the end of the promo and started a match with Cena. Cesaro wound up losing to a top rope AA, but it was the kind of battle you would expect. I really wish they could have a match where Cesaro had even a prayer of winning. The match was a great back and forth brawl between two guys that can work the heck out of a power brawl.

After Stephanie freaked out about Brie Bella, Orton came in to complain about Reigns costing him the World Title shot last week. This led to HHH telling Orton to take care of Reigns. The match at Summerslam just has to be made official at this point.

Paige and AJ had another chat but Paige made the mistake of calling her crazy. I’m assuming the submission match is coming at Summerslam. Also, I could get used to Paige skipping around and smiling very quickly.

HHH and Stephanie came out for their serious chat about the Brie Bella issue but Jericho cut them off for his usual magic with Stephanie. Rollins wound up jumping Jericho to set up their match later tonight.

Summerslam 1998 is airing on the Network this Sunday. I dig the idea, but I really don’t care about sitting down at 8 this Sunday when I could start the show, say, now.

The Usos and Ziggler beat Ryback/Axel/Miz. Standard combine two matches into a six man with nothing all that interesting to it.

R-Truth beat Bo Dallas in less than a minute. They had to get Dallas’ first loss out of the way at some point and it’s better to do it now than have him lose all his heat in one match.

Lana and Colter’s argument this week was about the flag.

Adam Rose beat Damien Sandow in less than forty seconds. Somehow I think this is the payoff for Sandow.

Roman Reigns vs. Kane never happened as Orton jumped Reigns from the crowd and destroyed him. Again, the match is obvious and just waiting for the announcement.

Diego beat Fandango to continue the issues with Layla/Summer Rae. Nothing to the match but GOOD NIGHT did Summer look great in the matador outfit.

Naomi/Natalya beat Alicia Fox/Cameron in yet another nothing match. There have been way too many of those on this show.

Chris Jericho had Seth Rollins beat in a good match when the Wyatts interfered. This is another case where the ending was obvious and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The big ending segment was Stephanie coming out and confronting Brie Bella. The end result was Brie getting her job back but wanting a match against Stephanie at Summerslam. This was a fine segment, but WHY IN THE WORLD WAS THIS THE CLOSING SEGMENT TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW??? I’m fine with them fighting on pay per view, but there is no reason for this to be the last thing we see.

Stephanie McMahon is a great heel, but at the end of the day, Brie Bella isn’t anything special. She’s Daniel Bryan’s wife, but Bryan isn’t around right now. Brie is just another boring Diva in a large group of them. With all the big stuff they have coming up at Summerslam, I see no reason for this to be the feature attraction.

Overall Raw was….different. WAY too much stuff felt like it didn’t matter, but at the same time, so much of Summerslam is either official or obvious that it’s just building at this point. The problem here though is you need this kind of stuff to fill in a three hour show. It’s almost like a three hour show every week is a REALLY bad idea.

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Monday Night Raw – July 28, 2014 (Full Version): Priorities

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 28, 2014
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re a week closer to Summerslam and the major match is already set. The interesting thing coming out of last week is Stephanie being arrested for her battery against Brie Bella last week. Other than that the stage is being set for Summerslam, including Reigns vs. Orton which should be announced soon. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Brie and Stephanie’s issues from last week. I have a feeling they’re going to make this a far bigger deal than it should be. We also see Reigns attacking Orton and Brock being announced as the #1 contender. The latter two things are almost tacked on.

Here’s an upset Cena to get things going. He talks about how he’s usually excited to be here in Houston but he’s very worried about what’s coming. The Authority has marked him, and now he has to face the ultimate beast Brock Lesnar. Cena hoped it would never come to this, but now his nightmare has come to life. Brock Lesnar’s destruction is precise and he destroys what he wants, when he wants. Forty men have been WWE Champion but one man has defeated the Streak.

For once Heyman is telling the truth: at Summerslam, Cena will receive the beating of a lifetime. He’s going to get hurt but he’s going to fight. Cena beat Brock in 2012 and he can do it again here. No one can control Brock Lesnar. Not the people, not the Authority, and not Paul Heyman.

This brings out Heyman, with the fans saying the catchphrases along with him. Paul very slowly says that Brock will win the title at Summerslam, but he commends Cena for understanding that a beating is coming his way. However, the words about fighting are mighty strong from someone about to become a victim. Cena may have come back from beatings before but they’ve never been like this.

The Undertaker knows what it’s like to be a victim, but no one can ask him because no one has seen or heard from him since Wrestlemania. Cena is looking to survive, but Brock is looking to conquer. Brock doesn’t just want to F5 and pin John Cena. He wants to victimize him ruthlessly and mercilessly. Lesnar can’t wait for Cena to no longer be WWE Champion and be nothing more than beaten, victimized and conquered.

Cena wants to have a real talk for just a few seconds. Paul said the word passion and that’s a word that even he can understand. Every once in awhile, you can hear something start and then hear it grow louder and louder. It’s the fans chanting ECW and it brings a smile to Heyman’s face. Cena and Heyman share a passion about this business because it’s Cena’s life. Good, bad or indifferent, he shows up and fights because he loves it. Brock can beat him but he’s going to have to beat every breath out of his body because Cena is walking in champion and walking out.

This brings out Cesaro who says he may no longer be a Paul Heyman Guy, he won’t allow Cena to insult Paul like this. Cena isn’t a wrestler. He’s a muscled up walking billboard. Cena gets on the floor and Cesaro insults his shoes. Not only can Cena not wrestle in sneakers, but he can’t wrestle period. We get a challenge for a match and Cena is ready. The promos here were really good as you would expect from two masters like these guys.

Cesaro vs. John Cena

Non-title of course and joined in progress after a break. They fight over a test of strength to start until Cena takes him down into a headlock. Cesaro reverses into one of his own before catching Cena in a gutwrench suplex. Cena gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a hurricanrana for two. His comeback is short lived though as he charges into an elbow, allowing Cesaro to hammer away. Some forearms put Cena on the floor but he comes back in and starts a brawl, only to have his bulldog shoved off.

Back from a break with Cena fighting out of a chinlock and hitting the shoulder blocks. Cesaro counters what looked like a backdrop into a DDT for two and Cena is down again. We get some very loud spot calling before the Swing is countered into a sunset flip for two. A powerbomb gets the same on Cesaro but he’s able to hit the apron suplex for two of his own. Cena tries a tornado DDT but gets countered into the Swing (so much for the reports of him being asked to stop).

Something resembling an ankle lock but with Cena’s legs intertwined has John in trouble but he rolls out and hits the Shuffle. The AA is countered and Cesaro goes up, only to have Cena roll through a cross body into the AA. Cesaro lands on his feet and kicks Cena in the face, setting up Swiss Death for two. Now the Neutralizer is countered but they trade big boots to send Cesaro to the apron. He takes too long going up though and a top rope AA is good for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. If you give Cesaro a big stage to have this match on and a better chance of winning, this is a near masterpiece. They have great chemistry together and Cesaro is one of the few guys that can show some freakish streak when he’s given the chance. I’d like to see him actually win a big match now and then though.

Stephanie is in the back freaking out about having to apologize to Brie tonight. She can’t bear the look in their daughters’ eyes again when they look at her. HHH says it’s going to be fine but Orton comes in to interrupt. Randy says the original plan was supposed to be Cena vs. Orton at Summerslam but Reigns broke it up. He wants HHH to break up the main event but HHH says no. If Orton wants another shot, take out Roman Reigns. Tonight, Reigns is facing Kane, so now Orton has a problem with Kane. He says he has a problem with HHH too.

Here’s the skipping Paige with something to say. She says her emotions get the better of her sometimes but she still thinks of AJ as her best friend. However, AJ took her title and crossed a line. Paige will never act that way again. Cue AJ who says she doesn’t like people who lie to her.

If Paige wants to be like her, then do it and stop making this stuff up. Paige cuts her off and talks about AJ being crazy, and that’s not ok with the champ. She tells Paige to say that again but Paige says this kind of stuff happens to everyone, even people off their rockers. AJ smacks Paige and the brawl is on with Paige running off and screaming that AJ needs to calm down.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to apologize about what happened last week. We see the full incident with Brie Bella and Stephanie says she’s truly sorry. All the charges have been dropped and they’re going to move on from this unfortunate incident. Stephanie would like Brie to come down here and clear the air. Instead here’s Jericho, who sings the COPS theme song (which might be a reference to the joke about COPS reruns replacing Impact).

HHH growls at him but Jericho cuts him off and brings up HHH not coming to Stephanie’s aide until Raw had been over for fifteen minutes. Jericho says it’s because HHH is finally realizing that Stephanie is a filthy, dirty, bottom feeding trashbag ho. HHH yells but Jericho asks for Bray Wyatt tonight. That match is being saved until Summerslam, but as for tonight…..and HHH is cut off by Seth Rollins nailing Jericho in the head with the MITB briefcase. I still think they missed a HUGE story by never having Stephanie and Jericho fall for each other.

We recap the Heyman/Cena/Cesaro stuff.

Ad for Summerslam 1998 airing this Sunday night on the WWE Network. I don’t know why they’re doing this when you can watch it right this second on demand on the Network.

Usos/Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz/Ryback/Curtis Axel

Miz is in his sunglasses. Woods, Kofi and Big E. are all watching in the back. Dolph gets knocked down by Ryback for two early on. Everything breaks down for a bit and the Usos chase all three guys to the floor as we take a break. Back with Miz coming in to kick Jimmy in the ribs as Woods and company have come to ringside. Axel gets two off a running knee to the head and it’s back to Miz to work on the ribs.

The Reality Check is countered into a suplex but Jimmy still can’t make the tag. He finally kicks Miz away and the tag brings in Ziggler to dropkick Ryback. The Fameasser gets two and Miz makes a very last second save. Everything breaks down and Jey dives onto Axel. Jimmy charges into a neck snap across the top rope to take him to the floor. Miz distracts Ziggler but Dolph counters a Ryback powerbomb into the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C. Just an easy way to combine a few matches here and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m glad Miz didn’t get pinned again, but I’m not sure why the new Nation is at ringside. Miz continues to play his role well and I’m digging the new character. Then again I’ve always been a Miz fan.

R-Truth vs. Bo Dallas

Bo says that Truth has lost a lot but will win again if he Bolieves. Dallas does his usual stuff and hits a clothesline before running a victory lap. Back in and Truth rolls him up for the pin at 32 seconds for Bo’s first loss.

Post match Bo says he can’t Bolieve that and nails Truth. The beating stays on

Here are Lana and Rusev to do their thing, this time with a focus on the American flag. Lana is about to insult George W. Bush (from Texas) but here’s Colter to interrupt. He talks about the American flag meaning something everywhere in the world. Colter brings up the Stars and Stripes and the symbolism behind them before Rusev and Swagger have their usual fight with Rusev being run off. The fans give a LOUD USA chant.

Damien Sandow vs. Adam Rose

Sandow is an astronaut this week. He gets cut off by Rose and pinned in 36 seconds with the Party Foul. Nothing to see here.

Kane vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is on the way to the ring but Orton jumps him in the crowd. Reigns takes over and heads into the ring for a Superman Punch to Orton, but walks into a chokeslam. Kane leaves and Orton hammers away with free shots on Reigns. He nails an Elevated DDT on the floor and rams Reigns’ head into the steps over and over. An RKO onto the announcers’ table (didn’t break) has Reigns down and a second RKO through the table knocks him senseless. The bell never rang so no match.

Back from a break and Reigns is still trying to get up.

Fandango vs. Diego

Diego has Layla and Summer as sexy bullfighters this week. Fandango hammers away and goes up for the legdrop but Torito gets up on the apron for a distraction. The dancer goes after him but the bull dives onto the girls’ shoulders. Diego hits a springboard spinning sunset flip for the pin at 1:30.

Stephanie tries to find Brie in the Divas locker room but gets Nikki instead. Brie is going to be here later and Stephanie hopes things will be reasonable. Nikki laughs at the idea.

The Dusts are at a chalkboard and trying to figure out what the Cosmic Key is. Goldust says calm down and points Stardust off into the distance. He writes THEY HAVE “IT” in for the answer to the question. No idea what that means.

Alicia Fox/Cameron vs. Natalya/Naomi

Natalya and Fox get things going with the blonde nailing a seated dropkick for an early two. Naomi dives at Cameron for a brawl but Fox nails an ax kick for two. Fox hammers on her for a bit before it’s back to Cameron, who is caught in a freaky looking body scissors for the submission at 2:33. This was nothing.

Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins

They quickly fight to the floor with Jericho getting in trouble, only to block a suicide dive with a right hand. Back in and a suplex gets two on Seth but he stomps on Chris in the corner. Jericho jumps over him and nails an enziguri for two on Rollins, only to have Seth dropkick him down. Jericho snaps his neck over the ropes and we take a break.

Back with Jericho fighting out of a chinlock but being sent shoulder first into the post. Seth talks trash about him but Chris fights back and nails a top rope ax handle for two. A Slingblade gets two on Jericho and Rollins goes up, only to have to block some superplex attempts.

Rollins tries a powerbomb but gets countered into a top rope backdrop followed by a high cross body for two. Rollins gets elbowed in the face but avoids the Lionsault and nails a buckle bomb. The Curb Stomp misses but Rollins gets to the ropes to escape the Walls. Rollins goes up but gets caught in a Codebreaker….and we’ve got Wyatts for the DQ at 13:20.

Rating: C+. Another good match from these two but the ending was somewhat obvious. They need to make the Wyatts look tough again though and beating up Jericho is a good way to start. However, without a huge win at Summerslam it doesn’t really matter. Bray can still be saved though.

Here’s Stephanie for the big showdown with Brie to end the show. She looks at the clip from last week and apologizes to Brie again. Brie comes from the crowd to the ring and says she wants some revenge. Stephanie offers to give Nikki a raise but Brie wants her job back. The boss isn’t sure but Brie offers to drop all of the charges. Stephanie agrees but Brie wants something else: a match at Summerslam.

That’s fine with Stephanie who offers her a Divas Title shot or a Total Divas Spectacular. Brie says the obvious: she wants a match with Stephanie. The boss freaks out and says she isn’t a wrestler anymore (too easy) before finally saying she won’t lower herself to do this. Brie says she’ll see Stephanie in court. Stephanie finally breaks down and agrees before slapping Brie off the apron. The brawl is on but HHH and agents break it up. Fans: “THIS IS AWFUL!” I’m fine with the match taking place, but there is NO reason this should have closed the show.

Overall Rating: D. Other than the two long matches, this felt like a long series of short vignettes with very little going on. I don’t get the idea of Dallas losing in a meaningless match but it might be better to get it out of the way rather than letting him get crushed later on. The rest of the show felt pretty worthless, with one thing really glaring.

This show opened with a pretty awesome promo from Cena and a good match, but ended with a segment involving Brie Bella and Stephanie McMahon. I’m fine with Stephanie and Brie having a match at Summerslam, but it REALLY shouldn’t be a feature. Unless Bryan is in Brie’s corner, this really does feel like the most useless match I’ve seen built up in a very long time.

Results
John Cena b. Cesaro – Top rope Attitude Adjustment
Dolph Ziggler/Usos b. Ryback/Curtis Axel/The Miz – Zig Zag to Ryback
R-Truth b. Bo Dallas – Rollup
Adam Rose b. Damien Sandow – Party Foul
Diego b. Fandango – Spinning sunset flip
Natalya/Naomi b. Alicia Fox/Cameron – Leg scissors to Cameron
Chris Jericho b. Seth Rollins via DQ when the Wyatt Family interfered

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Monday Night Raw – July 28, 2014: This Is A Bit Different

I’m currently on vacation so I didn’t get to do a full review. Over half of it is here and I saw most of the show save for the opening half hour. The full review will be posted soon. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 28, 2014
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We recap the Heyman/Cena/Cesaro stuff.

Ad for Summerslam 1998 airing this Sunday night on the WWE Network. I don’t know why they’re doing this when you can watch it right this second on demand on the Network.

Usos/Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz/Ryback/Curtis Axel

R-Truth vs. Bo Dallas

Post match Bo says he can’t Bolieve that and nails Truth. The beating stays on

Damien Sandow vs. Adam Rose

Sandow is an astronaut this week. He gets cut off by Rose and pinned in 36 seconds with the Party Foul. Nothing to see here.

Kane vs. Roman Reigns

Back from a break and Reigns is still trying to get up.

Fandango vs. Diego

Stephanie tries to find Brie in the Divas locker room but gets Nikki instead. Brie is going to be here later and Stephanie hopes things will be reasonable. Nikki laughs at the idea.

Alicia Fox/Cameron vs. Natalya/Naomi

Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins

They quickly fight to the floor with Jericho getting in trouble, only to block a suicide dive with a right hand. Back in and an enziguri gets two on Rollins but he comes back with right hands to take over.

I’ll save the final rating for when I see the whole thing. It wasn’t a great show from what I saw though.

Results
Dolph Ziggler/Usos b. Ryback/Curtis Axel/The Miz – Zig Zag to Ryback
R-Truth b. Bo Dallas – Rollup
Adam Rose b. Damien Sandow – Party Foul
Diego b. Fandango – Spinning sunset flip
Natalya/Naomi b. Alicia Fox/Cameron – Leg scissors to Cameron

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Monday Night Raw – July 21, 2014: Send In The Beast

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 21, 2014
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Battleground and officially heading towards Summerslam. The show is in less than four weeks and the main event, while pretty obvious, has the potential to be awesome. Tonight we’re likely finding out what HHH’s Plan C is and who will be challenging Cena at Summerslam. Other than that Flo Rida is performing tonight for reasons that aren’t exactly clear. Let’s get to it.

Here’s HHH to open things up. He talks about how no one wants to look him in the eye because they think he’ll blow a gasket over the Authority losing last night. HHH goes off, saying he hasn’t been this mad in a long time but he has options. He says he’s going to Tweet about how upset he is. He’s so mad he might even send an Instagram or a VINE. If he doesn’t get what he wants, hes’ going to riot. And if THAT doesn’t work, he and his friend Mark are going to stop watching. Or another option is to fire everyone backstage.

HHH calms down and says he could lay back because he has options. He even guarantees that Cena won’t leave Summerslam as WWE Champion. The only question is who gets to take it from him. This brings out Randy Orton who wants a one on one match with Cena. HHH says Orton is the frontrunner, but the entire roster is going to get a chance to impress him. Randy blames Kane and here’s the monster himself. Kane says he can beat Cena if he doesn’t have to babysit Randy Orton.

Cue Roman Reigns who says no one wants to see Cena vs. Kane, and for sure no one wants to see Cena vs. Orton AGAIN. It sounds to him like everyone wants to see Roman Reigns vs. John Cena. Reigns gets in and lays out Kane with a Superman Punch but Orton bails to the floor. HHH makes Kane/Orton vs. Roman Reigns right now.

Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton/Kane

Randy starts for his team and gets popped in the jaw with a right hand. Kane comes in and walks into a Samoan drop so it’s back to Randy. Reigns finally gets slowed down with a knee to the ribs and the heels start making fast tags. Roman quickly fights out of a nerve hold and raises a boot to stop a charging Kane. The monster gets sent to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Reigns fighting out of a chinlock but getting stomped down to the mat. Kane comes in again with an elbow to the jaw for two and it’s back to Orton for another chinlock. Reigns fights up again with another Samoan drop before knocking Kane into the ropes for the running boot. Kane clotheslines Reigns down but Orton won’t tag in. Orton gets grabbed by the throat but Reigns uses the distraction to hit the Superman Punch and the spear for the pin on Kane at 12:18.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but a handicap match where the ending is pretty obvious doesn’t help much. Reigns getting the win is a good thing for his career, though I’m thinking he needs to swap his finishers or just use the Superman Punch. The spear is good for a middle of the match move but it doesn’t work as well as a finisher.

Orton teases getting in the ring but backs down from Reigns.

Stephanie gives Alicia Fox/Eva Marie/Cameron/Rosa Mendes a pep talk before their four on one handicap match against Nikki Bella.

Alicia Fox/Cameron/Rosa Mendes/Eva Marie vs. Nikki Bella

Brie is in the front row so here’s Stephanie to say everything that is happening to Nikki because Brie is a quitter. Brie calls Stephanie a very mean name and holds up her ticket. They yell at each other some more and Stephanie slaps Brie again before Brie gets dragged out. The bell rings and Nikki is of course destroyed. Alicia calls off the dogs before pinning Nikki in 32 seconds.

Stephanie says Nikki is going to quit soon.

Damien Sandow vs. Bo Dallas

This week Sandow is in a Miami Heat jersey with the word Miami crossed off and Cleveland written below it. Damien starts fast but Bo fights back wit a backdrop and clothesline to send Sandow outside. Back in and Bo hammers away with right hands. Bo is wrestling more like a face this week. Sandow knees him in the ribs and nails a suplex before putting on a chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow misses and a Bodog keeps Bo undefeated at 2:30.

Back from a break with the Highlight Reel but Bray and the Family have laid out Jericho in the locker room. Bray shows us a clip of the attack and him telling Jericho that sooner or later, they all fall down. In the arena, Bray says Jericho isn’t here but Bray Wyatt is. The fans may think that Chris Jericho is a better man than he is, but a loss in a battle means nothing to him.

The war is all that counts and he was the man that created war. It hasn’t been long since the Wyatts brought heroes to their knees. You cannot measure him like a normal man because society does not make him and he lives a hundred years a day. Abigail told him to never chase vengeance or he would have to dig two graves: one for his enemy and one for himself.

Jericho is in the back and bleeding from the ear.

The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title. Miz runs to the floor to start and Ziggler finally chases after him, only to fail at sending Miz into the steps. Back in and Miz stomps away but Ziggler takes him down and drops nine straight elbows. Miz trips Dolph up and puts on a chinlock before Miz catapults him over the top. Ziggler skins the cat and pulls Miz to the apron with him, only to be sent into the post as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler grabbing his arms but still not being able to nail a right hand to the face. Miz stomps on him even more and we hit the chinlock. Ziggler fights up and sends him into the buckle, followed by clotheslines and a neckbreaker. The Fameasser is countered into a rollup for two and a Side Effect gets the same for Miz.

Ziggler kicks him in the jaw and grabs a running DDT for two more. Miz’s short DDT gets two and it’s time to go after the leg. The Figure Four goes on but Ziggler finally dives for the ropes. Back up and a Fameasser gets another near fall on Miz but Ziggler can’t hit the Fameasser. Miz loads up the Skull Crushing Finale, only to get rolled through into the Zig Zag for the pin at 13:35.

Rating: C+. Now didn’t we all see this coming? I mean, I know the joke is that the Intercontinental Title is a death sentence, and now it’s looking more and more truthful every time the champion fights. Ziggler will lose the title match and then people will see Miz about the same as they do now. In other words, everyone loses.

HHH is telling Seth Rollins that there’s no reason for him to face John Cena at Summerslam because he’s got a title shot whenever he wants it. Rollins says there’s no way this can happen because Dean Ambrose keeps interfering. Cesaro comes in and says he’s no longer a Heyman Guy. Instead he’d rather be HHH’s guy. Rollins says HHH already has a guy, but Cesaro says he’d be a great choice to face Cena at Summerslam. HHH says it would be very impressive if Cesaro could beat Dean Ambrose tonight.

Emma/Natalya vs. AJ Lee/Paige

Emma trips AJ down to start and they trade rollups for two each. Paige comes in and walks into the Emma Lock before it’s off to Natalya for two off a rollup. Natalya puts on the Sharpshooter but Paige crawls over for the tag to AJ. A Shining Wizard and the Black Widow make Natalya tap at 2:25.

Post match Paige turns full heel and destroys AJ, including throwing her over the announcers’ table. Paige skips away.

Fandango vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder comes out with Summer Rae and Layla this time. Ryder hammers away to start but Fandango nails him with a dropkick. Fandango takes him down but gets caught in a faceplant. Ryder’s middle rope dropkick misses but Fandango doesn’t follow up. Ryder comes back with a Rough Ryder for the pin at 1:47. Layla shoved Fandango’s foot off the rope to give Ryder the win.

We recap Brie and Stephanie from earlier.

Flo Rida thinks he might get the title shot against John Cena. Heath Slater comes up and wants revenge from Flo Rida attacking him at Wrestlemania XXVIII. Slater shoves him and is shoved down to the ground.

Flo Rida performs. Stephanie was in the ring to introduce him and is arrested after the performance for attacking Brie earlier. Brie pops up and yells at her before being dragged off again. Stephanie is taken to the back and HHH tries to calm her down as Stephanie is put in the police car. HHH: “Is this a hybrid?” He promises to have her out of jail in five minutes.

Back from a break and HHH is about to leave but a guy (maybe Joey Mercury) says HHH has to decide on Cena’s opponent. HHH says family is more important but realizes that it’s going to take awhile to process Stephanie. He keeps the car on standby.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Kofi Kingston/Big E.

Ryback and Big E. get things going with Ryback hammering away against the ropes. Big E. runs him over but walks into a spinebuster and gets double teamed in the corner. A side slam gets two for Ryback and he throws Big E. down with a belly to belly. The Meat Hook is countered by a clothesline from Big E. and he makes the hot tag to Kofi. Kingston speeds things up and gets two off the SOS as everything breaks down. Ryback rolls through a high cross body and pins Kofi at 3:25.

Rating: C-. This was mostly Big E. vs. Ryback foa few minutes before the ending came out of nowhere. Big E.’s collapse continues and it’s really kind of sad to see. Kingston only got to jump a few times and it wasn’t much to see. At least they’re building up another team to fight the Usos.

Big E. and Kofi are upset post match but Xavier Woods, now in glasses and a white suit, comes in and says they’re not getting anywhere by shaking hands and kissing babies. Instead of asking, now they’re going to be taking. Kofi and Big E. seem to agree. That was a very heelish promo from Woods.

We look back at the Wyatts attacking Jericho earlier.

Rusev vs. Great Khali

Rusev is still selling the ankle lock from last night. The big chop stuns Rusev and a big boot stops his charge. More chops in the corner have Rusev breathing deep but he nails Khali in the throat. The big chop puts Rusev down but he pops up and kicks Khali in the shoulder. A running superkick to the face sets up the Accolade for the submission at 2:27.

Clip of Sheamus on Royal Pains this week.

Stardust and Goldust talk about the Cosmic Key some more. It’s calling them.

We recap Brie and Stephanie again. Renee Young reports that Stephanie is going to be arraigned tonight and may be charged with resisting arrest.

Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro

Ambrose hammers away to start and takes Cesaro to the floor to keep up the beating. Back in and Cesaro kicks him in the face before sending Ambrose shoulder first into the post. HHH is on the phone in the back while Orton and Rollins watch on. Cesaro cranks on the arm and the match slows down a lot. Back up and Cesaro nails him with a right hand, only to be sent to the floor. Ambrose tries a dive but lands on an uppercut as we take a break.

Back with Cesaro still on the arm before getting two off a German suplex. Cesaro’s superplex is countered and Ambrose nails a missile dropkick followed by a cross body. Ambrose suplex is countered but he sends Cesaro into the corner to escape a cross face chicken wing.

Cesaro heads outside but gets wiped out with a suicide dive. Back in and the rebound clothesline gets two on Cesaro but he comes back with a clothesline of his own. Dean gets a boot up in the corner but goes up and gets crotched into the Tree of Woe. Cesaro charges into the post twice in a row and Ambrose throws him in a third time. With the insanity setting in, Dean grabs a chair and blasts Cesaro in the arm for the DQ at 12:32.

Rating: C. The match was fun and the ending was the right call. Cesaro seems ready for a push and the split from Heyman is the right way to go about it, but a loss would hurt him right out of the gate. Ambrose going crazy and wanting to hurt Cesaro rather than pin him fits the character well. Everyone comes out in a good place here.

Renee asks HHH if he should be with his wife right now and gets glared at.

HHH is in the ring and brings out Orton as the challenger, but Reigns intercepts Orton on the way to the ring and brawls with him into the crowd. This brings out Paul Heyman who says HHH needs to consider Plan C. Cue Lesnar and HHH isn’t sure what to do. Brock stares him down and HHH shakes his hand. The boss leaves and Heyman gets to do his greasy promo about how Lesnar conquered the Streak. Now it’s time for Lesnar to conquer John Cena and take the WWE Championship at Summerslam.

Heyman says it doesn’t matter if you chant LET’S GO CENA or CENA SUCKS because Brock Lesnar is going to destroy Cena one way or another. We get a clip from Wrestlemania where the Streak was conquered and Paul talks about how that same beating is awaiting John Cena. Lesnar is going to punch, hurt, injure and F5 John Cena before taking the WWE Championship from him. He pledges loyalty to Brock Lesnar and promises Brock will take the title from Cena at Summerslam.

Overall Rating: C. This show tried to start up some new stuff, but at the same time it had a lot of moments that felt really slow. It’s the first stop on the road to Summerslam so there’s a lot to go in the coming weeks, but this was only a decent start. To be fair though, the ending was as obvious as it could possibly have been so it’s hard to complain much about it not being awesome.

Results
Roman Reigns b. Kane/Randy Orton – Spear to Reigns
Alicia Fox/Cameron/Rosa Mendes/Eva Marie b. Nikki Bella – Fox pinned Nikki after all four attacked her
Bo Dallas b. Damien Sandow – Bodog
Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz – Zig Zag
AJ Lee/Paige b. Natalya/Emma – Black Widow to Natalya
Zack Ryder b. Fandango – Rough Ryder
Curtis Axel/Ryback b. Big E./Kofi Kingston – Ryback rolled through a high cross body
Rusev b. Great Khali – Accolade
Cesaro b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Ambrose used a chair

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Monday Night Raw – June 30, 2014: Taking Care of Business

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 30, 2014
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Things have changed after last night’s Money in the Bank show but it was pretty much what people expected. John Cena won the World Title while Seth Rollins became Mr. Money in the Bank. I can’t help but think Cena’s reign is just until we get to Summerslam where Brock can destroy him and take the title. Battleground is in three weeks so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ladder matches last night.

Here’s the Authority to get things going. Stephanie says she was born in Hartford before going into a discussion of Daniel Bryan’s announcement last night. However, the Authority is about the future going forward, much like Seth Rollins who became Mr. Money in the Bank. HHH talks about John Cena winning the ladder match and proving that he’s an A+ player.

Cena comes out to the usual reaction with the titles wrapped around his neck like an untied scarf. Stephanie gets cut off so John can say the Authority won’t give Bryan a title shot but Cena would love to. That starts up a huge YES chant but Stephanie has a different question. She asks how many people here are gamers. The reason she asks is because Cena is going to be on the cover of the WWE 2K15 video game. The banner unfolds and Stephanie dances to Cena’s music in a cute bit.

Cena says that’s very nice but hang on a minute. The Authority are being way too nice to him because he saw them right after he won those titles. He shows us a shot of them looking crushed after the match ended but Stephanie says it was because of Randy Orton’s injuries. Cena says that’s because they have Orton in their pocket, just like Seth Rollins.

HHH tries to talk like a Dr. of Thuganomics (seriously) before saying all this can go away really fast if Cena doesn’t do it with respect. Cena would rather do it the hard way if it means doing it by himself. HHH says he’d have it no other way, which is why Cena is defending the title in a fourway at Battleground.

After Stephanie explains the rules, HHH announces Kane, Orton and Roman Reigns. Just for fun, tonight let’s have Cena/Reigns vs. Kane/Orton. Cena says he’ll earn the titles again at Battleground and brings up Stephanie being thrown in the pool of whatever that was last week. Cena goes to leave but HHH says that if Cena survives the fourway, there’s always a plan B. Rollins comes out next to Cena, briefcase in hand.

Seth Rollins vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam quickly sends Seth outside before a big kick to the head staggers Rollins again. Rob fires off some shoulders to the back before putting on an old school abdominal stretch. He switches it up to a freaky looking double leg lock but Rollins makes the ropes and heads outside as we go to a break. Back with Van Dam hammering away but getting tripped into a half crab.

Rob injured his leg last night so there’s actually additional some psychology to this. Ropes are quickly grabbed and Van Dam comes back with clotheslines and a kick to the face, setting up Rolling Thunder for two. The split legged moonsault to Rollins’ back gets two but he grabs a legdrag to take over again. Rollins loads up the buckle bomb but Rob counters into a hurricanrana into the corner. The Five Star is ready but Rollins rolls to the floor, only to get taken down by a big dive from the top. As they come back in, Rollins twists the knee again to set up the curb stomp for the pin at 11:45.

Rating: B-. This worked really well and was one of Van Dam’s best matches in a very long time. He was actually doing stuff other than just the regular moveset so the match worked much better than usual. Rollins getting a win over a former World Champion is always a good thing and the match was a solid effort.

Post match Rollins says the briefcase proves him right over Ambrose because this is his golden ticket. Ambrose pops up on screen and says from one scumbag to another that this isn’t over. Plan A failed miserable last night when Rollins’ daddy had to send Uncle Kane out to save him. It might be more fun this way because Ambrose is going to be right there every time Rollins tries to cash in. That briefcase doesn’t have a contract inside because it’s full of TNT. Every time Rollins tries to case in, it’s going to blow up in his face.

Here are Rusev and Lana with something to say. Lana wants the USA chants to stop and talks about how there is only one superpower. She asks who will be the next American to try to stop him and Rusev speaks some Russian. The answer is the one that should have been here months ago: Jack Swagger.

Colter goes on a great rant about how Boris and Natasha can say this in America because they’re taking advantage of the Freedom of Speech. Lana said that nothing can stop the Rusev Crush but Colter thinks a Real American could do it. WE THE PEOPLE gets the loudest reaction of Swagger’s career and the boys are ready to go but Lana stops him. A LET’S GO SWAGGER chant starts and Rusev tries to get in a cheap shot. Swagger comes back with some armdrags of all things and the Russians bail.

Sheamus/Usos vs. Wyatt Family

Jey and Rowan get things going and a clothesline sends Jey to the floor and use to a very quick break. Back with Rowan cranking on Jimmy’s neck before Bray hits his running splash in the corner. Jimmy finally comes back with a Whisper in the Wind to Harper, allowing for the hot tag to Sheamus. Rowan gets sent to the apron for the ten forearms to the chest until Harper makes a save. Sheamus dives off the top to take the Family down before powerslamming Erick in the ring.

Wyatt offers a distraction though and Rowan sends Sheamus to the floor. Harper kicks Sheamus’ head off and the Wyatts take over. Rowan gets two off a splash and puts on the double fist head squeeze. It’s back to Bray who runs into a boot but knocks Sheamus out to the floor. A JBL chant starts up because the fans are bored I guess. Back in and Harper superkicks Sheamus down for two as the announcers ignore the crowd for a change.

Sheamus finally grabs the Irish Curse on Harper and makes the tag off to Jey as house is cleaned. A big dive takes Harper out and a pair of kicks to the face get two. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Rowan down and Jey hits a dive to take him out. Bray plants Sheamus with a release Rock Bottom and avoids a superkick from Jimmy, allowing Harper to hit the discus lariat for the pin at 13:07.

Rating: C+. Good but not great match here as the Wyatts will get another shot at the titles in theory. Harper continues to blow my mind every time he’s out there, but Bray makes me sad. The guy’s incredible push in the spring has been totally wasted and he hasn’t won anything of note in months. He isn’t being depushed but he just needs to do SOMETHING.

Stephanie interrupts Nikki Bella in the back and puts the Bellas in a tag match against the Funkadactyls. Since Brie is gone though, it just has to be a handicap match.

Here’s Bo Dallas who asks for sixty seconds of silence for Bad News Barrett and Daniel Bryan who can’t compete at the moment. He actually kneels for about sixty seconds before showing us a clip of him interacting with Bryan on last night’s pre-show. We go into the next match with Bo still on the stage.

Nikki Bella vs. Funkadactyls

Cameron gets things going as the announcers try to get bomb.com over as a catchphrase. Nikki fights off Cameron to start because even Nikki is better than she is. Naomi comes in with a huge high cross body and the reverse DDT for the pin at 1:35.

The Funkadactyls are about to fight post match.

We look at Barrett’s shoulder being injured, which will put him out for several months. The Intercontinental Title is now vacant and will be decided in a battle royal at Battleground. This brings out Paul Heyman for his usual talking points and to introduce Cesaro as the first entrant in the battle royal.

Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

Cesaro now has a black robe. Kofi is in the battle royal as well and comes out with a bad limp. Cesaro slams Kingston down with ease but gets sent to the floor for a BIG flip dive. Back in and a springboard gets caught in a Cesaro backbreaker. We hit the chinlock on Kofi before Cesaro hammers away, only to get rolled up for two as we take a break. Back….and the match ended during the break? Apparently that’s the case so we’ll say it ended at about 7:30.

Rating: D+. I don’t remember this happening in about the last ten years or so but it opens up a few more possibilities. I guess they’re pushing the App and to be fair this was a meaningless match so I don’t mind that I didn’t see how the fall took place. Kofi winning is a surprise, even though I have no idea how he won.

Cesaro DESTROYS Kofi with a hard throw into the crowd, Swiss Death, a throw over the table that wipes Cole out, and about 15 postings in a row. A replay shows that Kofi won with a rollup out of an electric chair.

Santino is having a party but no one showed up. Adam Rose and his Party shows up with a case of Twisted Tea, which I guess is a sponsor.

Damien Sandow comes out as Vince McMahon and does one heck of an impression. He hits all of the catchphrases and has the voice down perfectly. Sandow is in the Intercontinental Title battle royal but Stephanie interrupts and freaks out on Damien. He gets to face a giant also in the battle royal right now.

Great Khali vs. Damien Sandow

Chop, pin, four seconds.

It’s time for the return of a former WWE Champion and it’s….the Miz. He brags about being in Marine 4 and says he’s back to prove everyone wrong. People have called him a fluke but he’s here to show them that he isn’t a fluke. Miz isn’t leaving until he main events Wrestlemania again and people are begging him not to go. He’s finally cut off by the returning Chris Jericho in the real surprise. Miz rants about being the Marine and a huge star but gets taken down by a Codebreaker. Jericho says that felt great but we’ve got Wyatts. A triple team beatdown sets up Sister Abigail to leave Jericho laying.

Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler tries to start fast but gets sent into the corner and dropped face first onto the mat for two. Fandango gets a kiss from Layla but Dolph hammers away with right hands. Summer, looking great in a pink dress, comes to the ring and kisses Ziggler who does the same right back. Fandango isn’t sure what to do so it’s the Zig Zag for the pin at 2:36.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Stardust/Goldust

Goldust hammers on Axel to start but Ryback gets in a cheap shot from the apron to take over. We hit the chinlock on Goldust for a bit before he counters the Meat Hook with a spinebuster. The hot tag brings in Stardust who cleans with clotheslines all around plus a springboard dropkick. A downward spiral is enough for the pin on Axel at 3:00.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here again as Goldust and Stardust are already getting dull. I do like Cody getting a new finisher but it would have been nice if it was something a bit less generic. Ryback and Axel have lost every bit of their momentum from winning all of those matches against Goldust and whoever he had as a partner.

Here’s Paige with something to say. People have been telling her that she needs to go back down to NXT because she isn’t ready to be a champion but she has proven everyone wrong. This brings out the returning AJ Lee who says she wants to prove that she can get the title back. She congratulates Paige on being champion but Paige won’t shake her hand due to it being exactly what Paige did in her debut. The Title is on the line right now.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Paige

Paige takes her into the corner to start and poses a bit. She shouts that this is her house now but gets small packaged out of nowhere to give AJ the title back at 1:00.

John Cena/Roman Reigns vs. Kane/Randy Orton

Cena and Orton get things going and the fans are already on John. Feeling out process to start with Cena getting the better of it. Reigns comes in and Orton bails to the corner for the power showdown. Kane is sent to the floor and we take our last break. Back with Reigns in trouble and Orton cranking on a chinlock. Kane gets in a few shots but Reigns nails a clothesline to start a comeback.

It only lasts a few seconds though as Orton sends him to the floor for a clothesline from Kane. Back in and Kane puts on a chinlock but Reigns powers up. They slug it out and a Samoan drop is enough to put Kane down, allowing Reigns to make the hot tag. House is cleaned and Kane takes the ProtoBomb but Orton nails Cena with an RKO. Reigns Superman Punches Kane down though, leaving Orton and Reigns to fight up the ramp. Kane sends Cena to the floor and nails him with the steps for the DQ at 11:57.

Rating: C-. This was pretty dull stuff and was only there to build towards the fourway. Kane isn’t going to win the title and everyone knows it but at least he’s getting a nice push instead of looking like everyone else. It was just a standard main event tag match and not a very good one at that.

Post match Kane tombstones Cena and knocks him out, drawing out Rollins for a cash in. HHH says ring the bell but Ambrose hits the ring to attack Rollins before the bell. Ambrose chases Rollins into the crowd and HHH is livid. Kane gets a chair to go after Cena but Reigns comes back and spears him down. Roman and HHH stare each other down and the fans are into it to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling wasn’t the best in the world here but a lot of stuff was happening on this show. We had three returns, a new champion, a title vacated, and the start of a nice new feud for someone that needs it. This show took care of a lot of things they’ve needed to get around to and it worked really well as a boost. Battleground feels like a throwaway show but they seem to actually be putting some effort into it on the way. That’s a rare thing but it’s very welcome. Not a great show but it got some stuff done.

Results
Seth Rollins b. Rob Van Dam – Curb stomp
Wyatt Family b. Usos/Sheamus – Discus lariat to Jimmy Uso
Funkadactyls b. Nikki Bella – Reverse DDT
Kofi Kingston b. Cesaro – Rollup
Great Khali b. Damien Sandow – Chop
Dolph Ziggler b. Fandango – Zig Zag
Stardust/Goldust b. Ryback/Curtis Axel – Downward spiral to Axel
John Cena/Roman Reigns b. Kane/Randy Orton via DQ when Kane used the steps

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Monday Night Raw – April 26, 1999: Nice Day For A Black Wedding

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 26, 1999
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 11,981
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jim Cornette

It’s the night after Backlash and Steve Austin is still WWF Champion. The big story other than that was the stuff that happened after the main event. Stephanie was sent to a waiting limo but the driver was the Undertaker. In other words, we’ve got a huge moment coming tonight which happens to be one of my favorite moments ever on Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vince knocking Shane out and inadvertently keeping the title on Austin.

The Stooges and a disturbed Vince get out of a limo.

Opening sequence.

Here’s The Rock to get things going. After saying FINALLY, Rock says he has to give Austin respect when it’s due. Therefore, Austin will forever be the biggest piece of trailer park trash that ever walked God’s green earth. Rock gave Austin the beating of his life last night but now he has a problem: a 200lb sack of monkey waste called Shane McMahon. He told Shane not to get involved…and here are Shane with the Corporation.

Shane gets in Rock’s face and blames Rock for wasting too much time last night being the Rock instead of pinning Austin. Now Rock stands in front of him as a loser. Those are grounds for Rock to remove his sunglasses and threaten to do something very uncomfortable to Shane with the brahma bull horns.

They’re about to go but Rock has to deal with the Corporation. After punching HHH and Chyna, Boss Man gets in a cheap shot with the nightstick and they’re all on the Rock. Shane fires Rock from the Corporation, basically cementing his face turn. The Corporation leaves but Rock challenges Shane to a fight later tonight. Shane says it’s on and the fans are even more into the Rock now.

Pat Patterson suggests Vince call the cops. Vince says no because he wants to do this Undertaker’s way. He has some papers that Undertaker has demanded and says he has no other option. After a break, Vince and the Stooges are waiting on Undertaker to call.

The Corporation gives Shane a pep talk. He wants a Rock jersey and HHH suggests the name The Crock.

Brood vs. X-Pac/Kane

Non-title. JR plugs a title match on the upcoming Smackdown special this Thursday but won’t say what channel it’s on. Edge spinwheel kicks X-Pac down to start and sidesteps a charge in the corner. Gangrel comes in and hammers away before getting two off a powerslam. X-Pac gets a boot up in the corner and the hot tag brings in Kane. The top rope clothesline flattens Gangrel and Christian is dragged in from the floor. A chokeslam is enough to pin Edge.

Post match the Brood’s red lights come on and Kane gets a blood bath. Kane chokeslams X-Pac into the crowd because he was the only in sight when the lights came back on.

Vince’s phone rings and we go to a break. Back with a recap of the phone call and of course we can hear everything Undertaker says. Vince says Undertaker can have what he wants: controlling interest of the WWF. Undertaker threatens Vince with hurting Stephanie if Vince screws with him. He calls Stephanie his soul mate and tells Vince to bring the documents to a loading dock near a hotel. One more thing: he wants Austin to deliver the documents. Vince says he can’t do that but Undertaker calls that Vince’s problem and hangs up.

Here’s Austin for an interview with Michael Cole. Michael asks about Austin overcoming the odds but Austin tells him to get out of the ring. Austin says he beat Rock on his own and that’s all he has to say about that. Cue Vince before Austin can go any further and Steve looks very confused. Vince asks Austin for help with the Undertaker situation and Austin chuckles a bit.

Austin says he’s got his own problems and doesn’t really care what happens to Vince and his daughter. The boss pleads his case and Austin relishes the fact that Vince needs him. He makes Vince says he needs him but Austin brings up their war over the last year plus. Based on that, Vince is on his own tonight.

Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown

We look at Heat from last night where Nicole Bass said she wanted to sleep with Val. Brown runs in before Val can get in a catchphrase but Venis goes after the arm to take over. That goes nowhere as Brown takes him to the mat for a legdrop and two. Venis comes back with a slam but gets crotched going for the Money Shot. A superplex gets two for Brown but Val grabs a quick Russian legsweep. He loads up some grinding but Bass comes out for a distraction, allowing Brown to hit the Sky High for the pin.

Rating: D. The match didn’t have time to go anywhere and this was more about the story than anything else. Bass was there as a freak show act and the announcers treated her as nothing else. Nothing to the match here and both guys are capable of having so much better than this mess.

Brown’s valet Ivory goes after Bass for revenge from Bass beating her up on Heat and it doesn’t go well.

Big Show thinks Austin should help Vince.

Billy Gunn is coming for HHH to avenge X-Pac.

HHH vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a dropkick and right hands. A leg drag of all things put Gunn down and HHH has a target. The knee is wrapped around the post and a chop block has Gunn in even more trouble. HHH slowly stomps on the knee and yells at the crowd a lot. There’s a Figure Four with HHH holding the ropes but Gunn finally rolls over to escape. Gunn makes a comeback with right hands followed by a big powerslam for two. They head to the floor where Chyna LOUDLY posts Gunn, drawing out Road Dogg to get in Chyna’s face. A Pedigree ends Gunn.

Rating: D+. Slow match here but HHH looked good and evil for the most part. His push is coming and going after his old DX friends is a good way to get him ready. The feud hasn’t been the most interesting in the world but it’s there to set up something much bigger in the future. Gunn was his usual self here.

Shane whispers something to Boss Man.

X-Pac is looking for Kane.

Mankind/Big Show vs. Test/Big Boss Man

Mankind beat Big Show in a boiler room brawl last night but Show saved him from an attack by Boss Man/Test. Test hammers on Mankind to start but drops to the mat, allowing Mankind to score with a legdrop. Off to the Boss Man for nothing of note before Test comes back in. Mankind nails him in the back of the head to knock him into the corner but Boss Man doesn’t look interested in tagging.

Not that it matters as he tags himself in a few seconds later. Boss Man hammers away in the corner but rams heads with Mankind to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Big Show, sending Boss Man running over to Test. That’s fine with Show as he calls for the chokeslam but Boss Man hits Show low. Big Show hits a jumping double clothesline to take both of them down, allowing Mankind to hit the double arm DDT on Test, followed by the Mandible Claw for the win.

Rating: D+. The fans were into the good guys but the match was sort of a mess. At the end of the day, Test and Boss Man weren’t the most interesting guys in the world at this point and it wasn’t much of a match. Mankind looked good out there and Big Show getting the hot tag to clean house is something that will always work.

Test and Boss Man get in each others’ faces post match and Boss Man hits him with the nightstick.

Vince is waiting with the documents.

X-Pac is STILL looking for Kane.

Bob Holly beats up Al Snow and demands a rematch for the Hardcore Title.

We go to a black and white scene at the Cleavage house. Beaver Cleavage (formerly Mosh of the Headbangers) doesn’t like his breakfast but his mother offers her some of his milk. It’s as creepy as it sounds.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Godfather

Non-title again. Before the match Jarrett asks to make it a title match, but Godfather says Debra has to be a Ho if he wins. Apparently it’s on and this is now a title match.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Godfather

Godfather, in a long sleeve golden shirt, runs Jeff over to start and gets two off a legdrop. Jeff comes back by sending Godfather into the ropes for a running crotch attack to the back of the head. Val Venis comes out and hits on Debra, drawing out Nicole Bass to chase Venis off. The distraction allows Godfather to roll Jeff up for the pin to retain.

Owen Hart gets Debra out of there, even though she seemed to like the idea of being a Ho.

Vince is doing exactly what he was doing the last time we checked in on him.

Terri and Jacqueline are about to have their way with Meat (Shawn Stasiak). This is set to what would become Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry’s music.

Bradshaw vs. Ken Shamrock

This is fallout from the Acolytes attacking Shamrock last night. Shamrock comes out carrying a ball bat but Farrooq jumps him from behind. Test comes out for a save and the Acolytes bail. Shamrock and Test look at each other in a sign of respect. Shamrock destroys some stuff with the bat. No match.

Shane McMahon vs. The Rock

Rock hammers away to start and throws Shane into the corner. This brings out the Posse who are easily dispatched as the match is thrown out.

HHH comes out and gets the better of Rock but Chyna makes the save. The fans chant for Rock but the numbers are too much for him.

Vince leaves the garage.

The Ministry drags Stephanie, wearing a long black dress, into the building. Paul Bearer is carrying a big book.

Here’s X-Pac to call out Kane. He looks at the entrance but gets jumped from behind by Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett. The lights go out and Kane makes the save. X-Pac asks Kane what his problem is and gets chokeslammed too. Kane carries his buddy off.

The Ministry comes out with Stephanie tied to Undertaker’s symbol. They carry it into the ring and lay the symbol against the ropes as she screams for help. Undertaker says this is on Vince’s shoulders and Austin has shown his true colors. Bearer opens his book and reads what sounds like the opening of a marriage ceremony. We are here today to join Stephanie and Undertaker in holy wedlock but Stephanie shouts NO over and over.

Ken Shamrock runs out with the ball bat but the Acolytes take him down, allowing Viscera to splash him. We cut to the back where Shane is telling the Corporation to not come out yet. Bearer continues reading as Big Show comes out and nails the Acolytes and Viscera, only for Undertaker to nail him with the ball bat. The rest of the Ministry hammers Show on the floor as Bearer announces the union. He says to kiss the bride and HERE HE COMES.

Austin charges down the aisle and runs over Mideon before slugging it out with Undertaker. Austin finds a chair and NAILS Bradshaw in the head. Viscera and Mideon take even harder chair shots and the Ministry runs off. Austin looks at Stephanie and unties her from the symbol. Stephanie hugs Austin as Vince finally comes out. The father and daughter hug as Vince thanks Austin to end the show. I love that moment as it’s a hero standing up against evil not because of who he’s helping, but because it’s the right thing to do. That’s basic storytelling and it will always work.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where it was all about the stories with the wrestling being there to fill in time. Tonight we had a surprising moment in Austin and Vince’s relationship, the Ministry showing how evil they could be and making Undertaker the top heel in the company, and Rock turning face in a move that would last for years. They did a lot of heavy lifting tonight and things would change even more in the coming weeks. The insanity is only getting started though.

Here’s the Smackdown pilot if you’re interested.

On This Day: April 29, 1999 – Smackdown Pilot: The Birth Of A Superstable

Here’s the May 3 episode of Raw if you’re interested.

Monday Night Raw – May 3, 1999: The Corporate Ministry

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