This is a real thing.

 

 

The imagine isn’t great but if you can’t read it, here’s a slightly better picture.

 

http://www.rspwfaq.net/2014/03/tonights-chicago-objectives.html

 

Then, this might happen tonight:

It’s awards time again.  I’ve got 18 awards to hand out this year and as is my custom, I’ll be doing one of these a day until the end of the year, which just so happens to be the day the Royal Rumble Count-Up stars.  Up first: Worst Angle of the Year.I know it’s easy, but I’m going with Big Show’s firing/crying/threats of lawsuits.  This story went on for months, never gave us any real conclusion (Big Show got cheated out of the title match and just started teaming with Mysterio like nothing happened) and wost of all, it involved LAWYERS.

This is rapidly becoming one of the most annoying things in wrestling.  It’s in WWE, TNA and was in ROH during the few weeks I watched their TV show.  WWE has become obsessed with this idea and even had a recurring lawyer character in David Otunga (which is understandable as he actually is a lawyer).  Think about it though: Christian used to threaten lawsuits for one more match, Del Rio threatened legal action against Sheamus, everyone threatens lawsuits against everyone at times and dear goodness it gets old fast.  Stop having wrestlers hide behind lawyers and have them FIGHT.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 8, 2013
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This is a pretty stacked show tonight. First and foremost, THEY’RE HERE! Tonight is the debut of the Wyatt Family who have been sending creepy messages to the company for months now. Other than that we have the job performance evaluation of Vickie Guerrero, meaning all of the bosses of the company will be in one place at the same time. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Wyatt Family vignette, saying we’re coming.

Opening sequence.

Vickie and Brad are in the ring with a ladder and a referee to open the show. She talks about how important the ladder has been to the WWE’s history with people like Shawn Michaels, Razor Ramon and HHH. To her it represents her climbing up the corporate ladder over her career. If she falls, she’s holding the fans responsible. Vickie goes up top of the ladder and compares WWE to companies like IBM and GE. She’s done everything on her own for years and has done her best to entertain the people. From the top of the ladder to the bottom of her heart, everything she’s done has been for the people.

Jerry Lawler of all people cuts her off and says EXCUSE ME? Lawler has received word that in preparation of the job evaluation tonight, the McMahons and HHH are taking in all factors, including the WWE Universe. There’s a poll on the WWE App where you can give her a pass or fail grade as managing supervisor.

Vickie says she considers the WWE Universe like her family, meaning they have good and bad days. At the end of the day though, they’ll have her back right? What sounds like Vince’s voice is heard saying “Please don’t fall Vickie.” but it sounded like something we weren’t supposed to hear. Tonight it’s Cena vs. Henry face to face, along with Christian vs. Kane, Punk vs. Orton and Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan. Dang this is a packed show. Sheamus vs. Bryan is RIGHT NOW.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus grabs a headlock to start before taking Bryan down with a shoulder block. They hit the ropes with Bryan nipping up and knocking Sheamus down with a clothesline for two. Bryan fires off the kicks to the chest but Sheamus comes back with the Irish Curse for two. They fall out to the floor with Bryan trying the running knee to the face but being caught in mid air and dropped into the barricade.

We take a break and come back with Bryan backflipping over Sheamus in the corner but charging into another Irish Curse for two. A back elbow gets two more for Sheamus and the rolling senton puts Bryan down again. The Brogue Kick misses though and Sheamus tumbles to the floor, setting up the FLYING GOAT to put both guys down again. Back in and the missile dropkick gets two for Bryan but he kicks Sheamus to the apron, allowing Sheamus to hit the ten forearms.

Sheamus gets crotched while loading up the top rope shoulder but blocks a top rope hurricanrana, allowing him to hit the shoulder for two. Bryan avoids a charge in the corner and hits a big kick to Sheamus’ head for two, but the following Swan Dive misses and both guys are down. Back up and Bryan fires off more kicks followed by a crucifix for two. Bryan tries to transition into the NO Lock but Sheamus counters into the Cloverleaf, which Bryan counters into a small package for the pin at 14:10.

Rating: B. This right here is a great example of why I hated the Sandow feud. Sheamus can have some AWESOME matches when he isn’t toying with someone five levels below him. Bryan’s rocket push continues as Sheamus is someone that almost never loses a match anywhere. When’s the last time he was pinned clean? December against Big Show I believe? Great match here.

They shake hands post match.

WWE has sent someone to the bayou to find the Wyatt Family compound.

AJ tells Langston to be worried about Kaitlyn but Langston laughs it off. Ziggler pops in and wants to talk to her in private. He wants to know why she’s never out there for his matches anymore and is following Kaitlyn for some reason. AJ says she’ll do anything to be the power couple they’re destined to be but Ziggler doesn’t seem sure. AJ seems to offer sex but Ziggler wants the world title instead. Everything seems ok though.

We get the same career retrospective on Mark Henry that we got last week.

We look at RVD vs. Eddie Guerrero from Raw in 2002.

Seth Rollins/Roman Reigns vs. Tons of Funk

Brodus slams Rollins down to start before bringing in Tensai for a double chop. A delayed butterfly suplex gets two on Rollins before it’s back to Brodus who misses a cross body. Off to Reigns who takes Brodus’ head off with a clothesline for two. We get a McGuire Twins reference from JBL (they were a tag team who weighed a combined 1500lbs or so) as Reigns puts on a chinlock.

Roman pounds on Brodus as the match continues to go longer than it should. Reigns tries a Samoan Drop but Brodus slips down the back into a rollup for two. Brodus hits a belly to back suplex to escape and makes the tag off to Tensai. The bald one cleans house and hits the rolling senton in the corner followed by the Baldo Bomb for two on Rollins. Seth ducks under a charge and Rollins spears Tensai down for the pin at 6:35.

Rating: D+. This started very slow but the hot tag to Tensai picked things way up. The JBL commentary with old references was very entertaining but it went over the heads of most of the fans which is a shame. Other than that though there wasn’t much of note here, as there was no way Shield was losing six days before a title defense.

The reporter has found Wyatt Family members Luke Harper and Erick Rowan (the guy in the mask) and seems to be kidnapped by Harper.

Here’s Cena for the showdown with Henry. He sucks up to the crowd by saying it sounds like Money in the Bank is tonight. Cena is here to face Mark Henry but there’s no Henry. Cue the big guy who says that he’s starving for something. Cena makes a Snickers joke but Henry says he’s not going to respond to something like that. Instead he’s going to chill because he’s a different man now.

He’s known who Cena is for years and he’s a puppet. That title will validate Henry’s career and will make him a first ballot Hall of Famer. He’d sell out his mama to have that title. Cena says Henry better win on Sunday then because he sees a desperate man in Henry. If Henry doesn’t win it, he loses everyone’s respect and seventeen years will have been wasted. Henry cracks up because he doesn’t care what the people think. People love Cena or they hate him but Henry doesn’t care.

There are lines that Cena won’t cross because of who he is, but Cena takes the hat and shirt off and draws a line with his foot. Henry says not for free, because he’ll get Cena on Sunday, but then he takes his shirt off anyway. Mark goes towards Cena but stops and says he’ll see Cena Sunday. Henry charges again and runs over Cena but John tries an AA. The weight is too much though and he lands on the champ’s head, knocking him out. Henry picks him up and hits the World’s Strongest Slam before posing with the title.

Orton says he’ll win the MITB contract on Sunday and would have no problem cashing in on Cena if he was laid out like he was moments ago.

Miz is on commentary for the next match.

 

Curtis Axel vs. Chris Jericho

 

Non title here. Heyman has sunglasses due to a bad black eye at the hands of Alberto Del Rio on Smackdown. Axel says that Jericho wears a jacket with Christmas lights on it but neither he nor Miz is standing in the way of perfection. Jericho quickly dropkicks him to the floor and hits a baseball slide to take the champion down. Back in and Axel kicks Jericho down as we take a break.

 

Back with Jericho fighting back but not being able to hook the Walls. A northern lights suplex gets two for Chris and a high cross body gets the same. Axel comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for two but Jericho bulldogs him down and gets two off the Lionsault. The Codebreaker is countered into a PerfectPlex for a VERY close two as Heyman is beside himself.

 

Jericho hooks the Walls (BIG pop for that) but Axel quickly makes it to the rope. Axel is knocked off the apron and into the announce table, drawing Miz to his feet. Heyman gets his client back inside before the countout but he walks into the Codebreaker for the pin at 10:14, his first loss as a Heyman Guy.

 

Rating: C+. Good match here and at least the ending wasn’t clean. I don’t like having the champion lose here after the bad luck the champions have had over the previous few months but that’s life in the WWE anymore. The match was good though and having Axel rub elbows with top level guys is going to do nothing but good for him.

 

We look at RVD winning the IC Title on Raw from Christian in 2003.

 

Sandow keeps cutting Rhodes off from talking about MITB. Colter, Cesaro and Swagger come in to say the country is in trouble. They don’t seem pleased with Sandow but Colter says the son of an American Dream should know better. Barrett comes in and says he’s winning but Colter says Barrett doesn’t speak English. Fandango comes in but everyone cuts off the catchphraase in a funny bit. He goes to say it anyway so Barrett drops him with a Bull Hammer.

Back to the Bayou where Harper takes the cameraman inside, telling him not to stray. The compound is very dark but we find Bray Wyatt himself, who says he’s been waiting for us. Creepy stuff man.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

The colored lights are back which don’t fit for a match with the World Heavyweight Champion involved. Del Rio takes him into the corner to start but misses a charge, allowing Cara to get two off a kick to the face. Cara goes up but gets caught with a running enziguri for two. Del Rio hits another running enziguri in the corner for two more and it’s off to an armbar by the champion.

Cue Ziggler (and the regular lighting) and Cara gets two off a rollup. Ziggy says that he’s sorry for what he did to Ricardo but he’s going to introduce Del Rio the way he should be introduced. The match keeps going as Ziggler makes small genitals jokes. Cara gets two off a slingshot senton but walks into a German suplex. A LOUD superkick puts Cara down but Del Rio finally goes after Ziggler for the brawl. Sin Cara hits a big dive to take Alberto out as the match ends at about 5:00.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for how loud Del Rio’s kicks were. I don’t see why they couldn’t have Del Rio get the win here as it’s not like Sin Cara is doing anything right now. Ziggler is still lacking that big moment to solidify his face turn but he’s getting closer. The announcing wasn’t funny but then again most things in WWE aren’t anymore.

It’s time for the job evaluation. The trio of judges sit in front of Vickie as she pleads her case for why she should stay. She talks about getting rid of crazy AJ and takes credit for RVD, Rock and Undertaker all returning. Stephanie says Vickie had nothing to do with those returns so Vickie talks about Brock, before apologizing for Lesnar attacking Vince and HHH.

Vince stands up and says bringing Lesnar back was a genius move. He believes that Vickie is highly entertaining but she’s made some boneheaded decisions in the name of good entertainment. HHH says Vickie can be unintentionally entertaining but she’s terrible at her job. For instance a few weeks ago she was promoting the WWE video game but the people were booing her out of the building. Vince might think it’s entertaining, but Vince’s thoughts on entertainment aren’t all that modern. “It’s why the Golden Girls aren’t on TV anymore.”

HHH sucks up to the fans and says they want and deserve better than Vickie Guerrero. He does give her one point: she has the most annoying voice in the history of broadcast television. Vince praises her for breaking through the male dominated glass ceiling and thinks she should be permanent GM. HHH speaks up again and says the whole point of this is Vince is going to do what he wants, including putting a spineless puppet like Vickie in power.

HHH says Stephanie should get to decide Vickie’s fate and Vince agrees. Both guys suck up to her (“Daddy’s little girl!” “The mother of my children and the woman that has to go home for me after this.”) but Stephanie says the answer will be decided by the WWE App vote. The results say Vickie failed by a margin of 75% to 25%, meaning Vickie is fired. Vickie rants about how you can’t trust the people and how she’s not a spineless puppet. Stephanie fires her and Vickie goes into evil mode.

She falls to her face and screams a lot as the fans chant NO MORE VICKIE. Vickie crawls onto the table and shouts that the McMahons need her in charge. Vince stays in the ring and asks the people if they’re happy. He blames the fans for failing and throwing away the most entertaining GM in Raw history. We need a new GM and that will be…..Brad Maddox. Oh joy. Maddox is shocked and stands still in the ring as Vince helps Vickie out.

Post break Vickie is crying and Vince says he’ll make it right somehow. Maddox comes up and thanks Vince for the opportunity but Vince won’t shake his hand. Vince asks Brad how long he’ll hold his hand out for but Vickie goes after Brad and says get out of his life. The new GM runs off. Vince: “You ruined my jacket!”

Kane vs. Christian

Kane shoves Christian around to start and hits a hard whip into the corner. The Canadian escapes a powerslam and snaps Kane’s neck over the top rope. A middle rope dropkick gets two as the commentators rattle off MITB stats. They head to the floor for a big dive off the top from Christian as we take a break. Back with Christian hitting a tornado DDT out of the corner for two. An uppercut puts Christian down but the top rope clothesline misses. Christian charges into the chokeslam out of nowhere for the pin at 7:42.

Rating: D+. Screw the reason because THEY’RE HERE.

Wyatt pops up on the screen and says that he has brothers, not followers. It’s time for the people to stand up and realize what’s going on. He’s seen it all in his dreams his thoughts and he understands that this is the end instead of the beginning. He lights a lantern and says we’re here before blowing the light out.

Back in the arena the lights are out and the Family’s music starts playing. Wyatt walks out with a lantern and sits down in what is presumably his rocking chair. The lights come up and Harper/Rowan (not yet named) are attacking Kane. They’re big guys who can look Kane in the eye and pound him down. They get him to the floor and send him into the steps before crushing Kane’s head between the steel. Wyatt gets in Kane’s face and says what sounded like down with the machine. The fans chant Husky Harris because they have to think they’re smart.

Vickie carries out her box of stuff but runs into Ryback. He puts the box on the floor and hugs her, saying it’s going to be ok.

The Bellas are on commentary for the next match.

AJ Lee/Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn/Layla

Layla starts by throwing kicks at Alicia as the Bellas insult AJ. A quick rollup gets two for Layla as the Bellas basically bury the entire Divas division. Kaitlyn goes after AJ and they head to the floor where Kaitlyn hits a SWEET spear to knock AJ out cold. The match is stopped at about 2:00.

Punk wants to know if he’s best in the world because he held the title for 434 days or did he hold the title for 434 days because he’s the best in the world.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

Feeling out process to start as the fans are split down the middle. Orton runs him over with a shoulder block and a sweet dropkick takes Punk down. Punk comes back with a suplex for two as the dueling chants begin again. The Elevated DDT is countered by a kick to the head to send Orton to the floor. The suicide dive takes Orton down again as we take a break.

Back with Orton holding a chinlock and taking Punk down with a t-bone suplex before he can make a comeback. We hit the chinlock again but Punk fights up and hits a quick dropkick to put Orton down. Orton comes back with his clotheslines but Punk avoids the powerslam and gets two off a rollup. A neckbreaker puts Randy down again and there’s the running knee in the corner. The Macho Elbow connects for no cover but it’s GTS time. Orton shoves Punk through the ropes for the Elevated DDT but can’t follow up with a cover.

Orton loads up the RKO but Punk blocks, only to be caught in the snap powerslam for two. Punk escapes ten punches in the corner and hits another running knee to the chest but Orton escapes the GTS. The RKO is blocked by a high kick to the head and it’s a GTS for the clean pin at 13:41.

Rating: B-. Another good match to close out the show here with Punk looking strong. Orton doesn’t lose a thing by getting pinned here as it’s all about climbing on Sunday. This was your usual battle of the superstars formula and it worked as well as you would have expected it to. These two always have solid chemistry together.

Post match Bryan runs out and beats up Punk before hitting Orton with a ladder. He climbs up and grabs the case to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. I had a blast with this show tonight and it absolutely flew by. We had good to great matches all night, the AMAZING Wyatt Family debut, a solid build to the PPV on Sunday, that wicked spear from Kaitlyn, the reaction from Maddox when he was named GM, the funny Fandango segment and Layla in some of the smallest shorts in recorded history. WWE is on a roll right now and this was one of the best shows they’ve had in a long time. I’m fired up for MITB and I never came close to that for Payback or Extreme Rules.

Results

Daniel Bryan b. Sheamus – Small Package

Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins b. Tons of Funk – Spear to Tensai

Chris Jericho b. Curtis Axel – Codebreaker

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara went to a no contest

Kane b. Christian – Chokeslam

Alicia Fox/AJ Lee vs. Kaitlyn/Layla went to a no contest

CM Punk b. Randy Orton – GTS

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 10, 2013
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for Payback and the main story tonight is HHH vs. Axel II, assuming the match actually happens. Last week Vince and Stephanie talked him out of it, which made for a less interesting show than it could have been otherwise. I’d look for the match to be pushed back again until Payback, where HHH likely puts Axel over….in theory. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of HHH and the McMahon’s issues from last week. As in we recap the WHOLE THING.

Curtis Axel vs. HHH

Axel is a bit hesitant to get in the ring. The bell sounds odd for some reason tonight. HHH pounds away in the corner to start and hits a quick suplex for two. Here’s Vince of all people to say that the match is over with Axel winning via DQ at about 90 seconds. This can’t end well.

Actually scratch that as HHH says restart it. The match continues for a few seconds and here’s Vince again to say HHH loses via forfeit. HHH starts it again and this time it’s a 60 minute iron man match. This time Vince takes the bell away and the match just ends. This was less than five minutes from opening to closing bell.

Ryback and Cena will be face to face tonight.

Post break Stephanie begs HHH to think of Vince because he’s old and doesn’t have much time left. HHH says he’ll talk to Vince if Stephanie goes to calm him down first.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Dean pounds on him in the corner but gets caught by a big boot to the face for two. Kane takes his turn at pounding away in the corner and hits a backbreaker for no cover. It looks like Kane has a huge bald spot on the right hand side of his head. Ambrose is whipped into the ropes and hit with another backbreaker as the referee brings out the bell. Dean misses a charge and is sent to the floor where he jumps into an uppercut as we take a break.

Back with Dean kicking Kane in the ribs as we see Orton watching in the back on the WWE App. Kane comes back with a boot to the face before tossing Ambrose into the corner. Dean is slammed face first into the mat before being taken into the corner. Kane loads up the chokeslam but Ambrose bails to the floor as Reigns comes in for the DQ at 11:23.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as it was mainly just killing time until the DQ ending. That’s getting really annoying in the singles matches with the Shield involved but it’s the best they can do because they don’t want to job the Shield. Why they didn’t just job Kane is beyond me, especially in a non-title match.

Sheamus vs. Sandow is on the pre-show Sunday.

You can pick Rollins or Reigns to face Bryan tonight.

Rollins wins 66-33. Orton will face Reigns.

We get a clip of Bryan accidentally dropkicking Orton on Smackdown.

Orton and Bryan are arguing in the back when Kane comes in and says to chill. Apparently they have matches against Reigns and Rollins tonight. I know this because Kane helpfully explained the graphics we say a full 40 seconds ago. Vickie comes in and makes Orton/Bryan vs. Reigns/Rollins and Kane vs. Ambrose for the titles on Sunday. Kane is so happy that he hugs Vickie with a goofy grin on his face.

Cody Rhodes vs. The Miz

Barrett is on commentary as we’re told that Fandango won’t be allowed to compete in the triple threat match, meaning Barrett defends against Miz alone. Miz pounds on Rhodes to start and hits the corner clothesline for no cover. The top rope ax handle misses though and Cody goes after Miz’s knee. A front suplex gets two for Rhodes and it’s off to a modified Indian deathlock on Miz. Not that it matters much as Miz counters into the Figure Four for the tap out at 2:36.

Heyman comes out before Miz and Fandango leave and announces that Axel is replacing Fandango in the triple threat. Axel says that him winning the IC Title on Sunday would be the perfect ending to the match on Sunday.

Mark Henry is coming back.

We recap the opening of the show.

Vince and Stephanie are in the back but Vince won’t look at her. She knows he’s upset and is just trying to protect Hunter, but HHH is a proud man and Vince stepped all over him out there. Vince doesn’t like this idea of him not having much time left and is mad at HHH for making Stephanie cry. He cares about business first and Stephanie agrees, but business has to come first. If Vince tries to talk to him, Stephanie will be even more upset.

Here’s Jericho for the hard sell before his match with Punk on Sunday. He talks about how the two of them came into the business with a huge chip on their shoulders and they both think they’re the best in the world. They’ll continue their awesome trilogy that was started last year and Punk will never (EVER!) forget him.

This brings out Ziggler who says that he’s making his triumphant return here to steal the show from Jericho. Dolph talks about stealing the show every night and that on Sunday he’ll prove that he’s better than Del Rio in every way. Jericho cuts him off and asks Ziggler if he wants a tuneup match tonight. Ziggler says sure…..but with Jericho facing Langston. The match is after the break.

Chris Jericho vs. Big E. Langston

This is joined in progress with both guys on the floor before Jericho heads inside for a quick baseball slide to take Langston down. Big E. whips Jericho into the steps to take over and heads in for some shoulders tot he ribs. Alberto Del Rio is ranting about something on the WWE App as Langston charges shoulder first into the post, giving Jericho a two count. Langston runs him over for the same result and pounds away for good measure.

Jericho fires back with an enzguri for two but his cross body is caught in a trio of backbreakers for two. Chris comes right back with a top rope cross body for two of his own but a Ziggler distraction lets Langston run him over with ease. A Del Rio distraction breaks up the Big Ending though and it’s a Codebreaker for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: C. Jericho is fine for a spot like this, but the Del Rio vs. Ziggler feud has lost so much steam over the last few weeks due to Ziggler’s injury. There’s no shame for Langston to lose to someone like Jericho, but it’s a bad spot for him to be in when he could be such a huge deal with the lightest tweaking. Good enough match here but it was nothing great.

Jericho celebrates as Ziggler tells Del Rio no way.

Sin Cara vs. Antonio Cesaro

Zeb Colter is at ringside, claiming that Cara snuck across our borders in the middle of the night but Cesaro is ok because he came into the country legally. So why was Colter not ok with Barrett months back? Sin Cara hooks a quick wristlock before getting slammed out of the corner for no cover. The gutwrench suplex sets up a powerslam for two before Cesaro pounds away on Cara’s face.

A double stomp gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Back up and Cara hooks his spinning headscissors and a sunset bomb for two. Cole rants about Colter making money in the foreign country of Puerto Rico as Cesaro catches a cross body in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A spinning chinlock (you read that right) sets up the Neutralizer for the pin on Sin Cara at 3:52.

Rating: C. I could live with Cesaro as Colter’s new guy, although it doesn’t fit with past continuity. If nothing else it would give Cesaro ANYTHING else to do instead of the vacuum he’s stuck in now. Sin Cara is long past being a bust and it’s kind of sad to see him lose time after time like this anymore.

Bray Wyatt and the Family are still coming.

Vickie and Brad Maddox plug the new Hardee’s burger until Vince comes in to glare at them. Vince is ticked off about Ryback and Cena going face to face tonight because it could put the PPV main event in jeopardy. Vickie’s answer is to cancel the match tonight (they have a match?) but Brad suggests to have the lumberjacks out there as security. Vince is pleased and tells Vickie to share her burger with Brad.

Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns

Before the match here’s Daniel Bryan to be in Orton’s corner. Orton pounds away on Reigns to start and gets two off a dropkick. We get an abbreviated Orton Stomp and a knee drop to the chest for two but Randy goes after Rollins on the floor. Seth’s distraction does nothing for Roman as Orton drops him back first onto the barricade for two back inside. Orton misses another kneedrop and Roman takes over to stomp away in the corner.

Orton comes right back with the Thesz Press and some right hands in the corner to take over. Randy goes to the middle rope on the inside but a Superman punch knocks him to the floor and us to a break. Back with Roman holding a chinlock as Bryan plays cheerleader on the floor. Randy fights up but gets taken down by a running clothesline for two more. Kane is watching in the back on the WWE App! LIVE! Off to another chinlock by Reigns but Orton suplexes out of it to put both guys down.

Randy is starting to feel it and hits a bunch of clotheslines followed by the backbreaker to counter a Samoan Drop. Reigns rolls to the apron like an idiot, earning himself that Elevated DDT. The RKO is loaded up but Orton has to put Rollins in position for the Elevated DDT. Reigns makes the save but Bryan hits the suicide dive on both Shield members for the DQ at 12:30. Make that a no contest because WWE is afraid to call a DQ for some reason.

Rating: C+. Again, as we not allowed to have Shield get a finish in a one on one match? I understand the idea of not wanting to have either guy lose going into the PPV on Sunday, but maybe they shouldn’t be having the match six days before the PPV. The match was pretty good for the most part, other than one too many rest holds by Reigns.

The next match begins immediately.

Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins

Bryan avoids a charge in the corner and fires off the kicks followed by a knee to the ribs. Daniel alternates between knees, elbows and kicks with the YES chants getting louder and louder every time. Rapid fire elbows to the chest get two and hooks the double knee stop out of the surfboard. Rollins runs to the floor, only to be taken out by a slingshot dropkick through the ropes. Bryan hits the running knee off the apron for two back inside as Rollins is in big trouble early on.

Seth avoids a right hand and hooks the Downward Spiral into the middle turnbuckle for two. In a nice move, Rollins uses Bryan’s own surfboard against him but Daniel quickly escapes and fires off kicks to Seth’s leg. There’s a surfboard on Rollins but Bryan pulls his head down into a Dragon Sleeper for extra pressure. Seth elbows out and we take a break to come back with Seth holding a chinlock. A forearm to the face gets two for Seth as Cole lists off a bunch of channels the show is airing on that no one but WWE cares about.

Back to the chinlock by Rollins as JBL talks about how awesome this show is. Bryan fights up and ducks an enziguri into a half crab but Seth is quickly into the ropes. Bryan fires off some kicks in the corner followed by a pair of running dropkicks for two. Back up again and Rollins hits the enziguri for two before firing off Bryan’s own kicks against him. Daniel’s hurricanrana is countered into a buckle bomb for two as the fans are all behind Bryan.

Seth kicks away in the corner but is backdropped out to the floor. The FLYING GOAT is blocked by a forearm but Bryan hooks Douglas Williams’ Rolling Chaos Theory suplex for two. Bryan gets crotched on the top rope but escapes a superplex into a belly to back superplex which is countered into a midair cross body for no cover. Orton takes out Reigns before he can interfere, allowing Bryan to roll up Rollins for the pin at 15:30.

Rating: B+. That’s more like it! I get that you can’t have great matches all the time, but at the same time you need to have some high quality matches like this every now and then. Bryan is just MAD over right now and if they tweak his character in anything more than a minor way they’re insane. He’s ready for a main event push RIGHT NOW but I’m afraid they’ll be worried about the sagging ratings and ignore how over he is because he’s not “a draw”.

Post match Orton hits an RKO on Rollins and the fans go INSANE with YES chants and the Bryan pointing.

In case you missed it the first two times, here’s another recap of the HHH/Stephanie/Vince stuff. Oh and Curtis Axel is in there too.

WWE does stuff with the Special Olympics.

It’s time for Kaitlyn’s secret admirer to be revealed and it’s…..Big E. Langston. He hands Kaitlyn some flowers and says that this is odd because he’s such a big guy who constantly beats people up. However since he first saw Kaitlyn, she’s all he can think about. Kaitlyn looks very nervous as Langston leans in to kiss her, only to drop her on the mat instead.

Cue AJ because it was a SWERVE! She yells at Kaitlyn about feeling worthless because Kaitlyn was never there when AJ was having her heart broken. Instead of being there, Kaitlyn was off chasing the Divas Title. AJ can beat her mentally because Kaitlyn is trash and no one cares about her. The only thing Kaitlyn has of value is the title and that’s gone on Sunday. AJ says that Kaitlyn can go back to her trailer park after the match on Sunday but the brawl is on now with Kaitlyn being left glaring at the crazy chick.

Bray Wyatt quotes the Bible (what happens to a man who gains the world but loses his soul?) and says they’re coming.

Damien Sandow vs. R-Truth

This match has two purposes: hyping up Sandow as having a chance on Sunday and letting Jerry Lawler drool over a burger and shake from Sonic. Sandow quickly takes it to the floor and rams Truth back first into the apron before pounding away on the ribs. Back in and Damien stomps Truth down before hooking a chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two and the Silencer is good for the pin at 3:21.

Rating: D. Sandow has no chance on Sunday. There’s nothing else to talk about here at all.

Post match here’s Sheamus to congratulate Sandow on his win and say that he’ll kick Sandow’s head off at the Payback kickoff.

Stephanie is in the back and sends a messenger to find Vince for a meeting in their office. She sends another to find HHH for a meeting in their office.

Video on Ryback’s path of destruction towards Cena for the Three Stages of Hell match on Sunday.

Vickie and Maddox bring out the lumberjacks (the entire roster) to protect Cena and Ryback from fighting. We take a break at 10:55 with this and the McMahons to go.

Back from break with Vince and HHH arguing in the back with Stephanie in between them. She SCREECHES at them to stop and work it out because she’s tired of it. Vince won’t apologize because he wants HHH to be more than a legend or a big deal or a champion. He wants HHH to be THE MAN. HHH wants a match with Curtis Axel and Vince likes the idea but they get in an argument over who wants to see the match. Then Stephanie comes back in and asks for a group hug. Vince says he’ll hug Stephanie and HHH can hug them both. The guys slap each others’ backs hard and that’s it. Seriously, we spent all night setting up THAT.

It’s 11:03 and here’s the world champion for the first time tonight. Ryback stands in the aisle but Cena is ticked off that this isn’t really face to face. They argue about the same things they’ve fought about for weeks: Ryback should have been champion but it’s Cena’s fault, Cena says that Ryback should take account of his own failures because THE CHAMP IS HERE. Ryback says he can see Cena and the legend ends when Ryback wins the title on Sunday in three stages. Cena wants to fight now but the lumberjacks hold him back. They get in the ring and the brawl is on, but both guys are held back to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Here’s the problem with Raw in a nutshell: it’s a solid two hour show but the extra sixty minutes of filler drags it down. If that sounds familiar, it’s because it’s been the problem for nearly a year since the show went to three hours. There are some solid stories and interesting action on here, but the constant recaps of stuff we saw 45 minutes ago and the incessant commercials for WWE App make this a chore to sit through at three hours. I’m sure the solution is more Vince, Stephanie and HHH though, because there’s no way they’re taking it back to two hours.

Results

HHH vs. Curtis Axel went to a no contest

Kane b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Miz b. Cody Rhodes – Figure Four

Chris Jericho b. Big E. Langston – Codebreaker

Antonio Cesaro b. Sin Cara – Neutralizer

Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns went to a no contest when Seth Rollins and Daniel Bryan interfered

Daniel Bryan b. Seth Rollins – Small Package

Damien Sandow b. R-Truth – Silencer

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

They really do make this too easy for me.The opening segment was Stephanie and Vince in the ring, talking about HHH not competing tonight.  Both of them made sure to remind us that Curtis Axel is beneath HHH.

 

So to recap:

1. Lesnar, not Axel, hurt HHH.

2. Axel did NOT beat HHH.

3. Curtis Axel is beneath HHH.

 

Go ahead: tell me how HHH is giving Axel such a great rub and how awesome Axel looks as a result of this stuff.  I’m waiting.

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 25, 2002
Location: Bryce Jordan Center, State College, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,550
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well as you know there’s usually a reason as to why I do these random Raws and in this case this is the first ever WWE Draft. Tonight we split the roster in two to have Raw and Smackdown as independent (yeah right) shows with different owners (Flair on Raw, Vince on Smackdown) in the system we’re used to now. This was also 8 days after Mania so we’re still kind of transitioning to the new year. Let’s get to it.

Linda introduces us to the concept of the Draft where tonight we’re only going to have twenty picks, as in ten each. There’s a world title match tonight with HHH vs. Jericho vs. Stephanie so none of them can be drafted. Also Austin is undraftable uh…..because he’s bald. That’s as good an explanation as any (the official reason is he had it in his contract. How was that contract written? “In the event that the roster becomes too big to sustain one roster and must be split in half under a concept called the Brand Split I get to not be drafted? Imagine those negotiations. In reality he was having a contract dispute and wasn’t signed).

Taz vs. Mr. Perfect

Hennig had made a comeback here at age 44 where he still looked solid out there. He would be gone in like three months after getting very drunk on a plane. He would be dead in less than a year which is mind blowing. Hennig says he’ll be the perfect pick and sounds a bit shall we say buzzed. Jazz and whoever winds up being world champion can be on both shows apparently. Perfectplex but Taz gets the ropes. They collide in the corner and Taz grabs the Tazmission to end this QUICK. Taz says Hennig was JUST ANOTHER VICTIM. He was getting popular around this time too but his neck gave out and he had to retire.

Rating: N/A. Way too short but competitive enough. Perfect was still rather good and looked exactly like he did in his prime. Shame his personal life was more or less a disaster because he could have been used as a solid midcard guy.

The owners are both in their war rooms going over their plans. Vince has the first pick.

After a break we’re ready for said pick. We get a brief speech and the #1 overall pick is The Rock. Can’t say that’s a bad way to go. Hard to believe he more or less had a year left. Rock comes out and Vince runs down a bunch of stuff Rock can’t do anymore, namely catchphrases he can’t say. Rock stops him from leaving and proceeds to make fun of Vince, leading the crowd in a huge YOU ARE A CENSORED chant. He’s just absolutely awesome here. This was rather funny. Rock does one last IF YA SMELL since it’s his last night on Raw which is a nice touch.

We’re back and it’s time for Flair’s first pick. With nothing special to say, he picks the Undertaker who was in a big feud with Flair around this time. Wow it’s weird to think about Taker being on Raw. He throws some stuff and we get a nice little graphic with Taker’s stats on it. Rock got the same.

Vince is ticked and Angle comes in to complain. Taker does the same and threatens Vince. It’s very weird to think that Taker started on Raw but he would be on Smackdown in about 4 months and has been there since.

Edge/Diamond Dallas Page vs. Booker T/Christian

These were both singles matches at Mania where both faces won. Edge was getting very hot very fast at this point and probably would have been world champion within a year had he not gotten hurt. Christian has the awesome entrance here with the high pitched singers saying AT LAST YOU ARE ON YOU OWN! I love that. It comes complete with Alberto’s current pyro. Christian cost DDP the European Title recently as well. Oh and Angle cost Edge a match vs. Booker.

The Draft Lottery is plugged even though most of the picks meant nothing. Edge and Booker start us off. This is another very short match where the Canadians go to the floor and DDP gets a Diamond Cutter on Booker. Christian with a save and Edge misses a spin kick by a mile but Christian doesn’t sell much of it, which I think was intentional. Axe Kick kills DDP for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was another very short one although it was better than the first match. Nothing all that bad in here but when a match barely breaks two minutes it’s kind of hard to say if it was good or not. With such little time how can they get anything going at all? This wasn’t bad but it wasn’t very good either.

Angle lists off a ton of his accomplishments to Vince in an attempt to be the #2 pick which is rather funny. Vince wants the NWO though, which apparently is drafted as a unit. Vince takes Angle as the second pick after some nice psychology from Angle, but Kurt ticked about not being #1.

Flair immediately hits the stage and says he’ll do everything he can do to get Austin on Raw, which he would do. Flair takes the entire NWO (Hall, Nash and X-Pac) in a surprise. Vince is FURIOUS but vows to get Austin. Angle talks to him a bit and Vince takes Benoit who was still out injured. Oddly enough when he came back he started on Raw before moving over to Smackdown.

The NWO yells at Flair. Pac, who has been there since Thursday (literally) is now their mouthpiece. Hall says you don’t blow us off so Flair makes his #3 pick, who is designed to look after the NWO: Kane. Ok then. In other words on Smackdown we have Rock, Angle and Benoit. On Raw we have Nash (injured), Hall (fat), Waltman (overrated), Taker (AWFUL at this point) and Kane (you know the drill here). Which show would you rather watch?

Trish Stratus vs. Ivory

Ivory is back and this is some kind of a small grudge. Yeah there’s nothing to talk about here. Trish wins in about two minutes with Stratusfaction. No rating either. Totally worthless.

Vince comes out again and gets the chant Rock invented earlier. He takes Hogan, who is incorrectly listed as a 7 time WCW Champion. Ah apparently they’re including the Bash at the Beach title here. Vince doing Hogan’s air guitar is rather funny.

After a break, Flair comes out to take RVD who brings the IC Title with him.

Vince is mad about losing the IC Title so Angle suggests a match between him and RVD for the title tonight so Angle can bring it Smackdown.

Rock is walking around backstage and Hogan comes up to him. The bald one suggests a handicap match vs. the NWO. Well what kind of a huge face would Rock be if he said no?

Vince is here to make his next pick (5th overall if you’re keeping track) and he picks Billy and Chuck who are the tag champions.

Tough Enough 2 commercial. I had my first kiss while that show was going on in the background.

Somehow the boot of the week is a chair shot. No one accused WWE of making sense all the time.

NWO vs. Hulk Hogan/The Rock

This is Nash’s first match in the company I think since his return. Ah scratch that as I’m wrong actually. It was one of his first though. Hogan and X-Pac start us off here which is a RIVETING match indeed. And Hogan throws him to the floor immediately in a nice power display. Hall comes in and fails also so we switch to Nash. Amazingly all Hogan seems to do is punch.

Hot tag to the Rock and we CRANK it up. We shift from an 80s style to a 90s style and it’s much more interesting. Cold tag to Hogan and the crowd just dies. Pac makes the save as it’s all breaking down. He breaks out the knunchucks and here comes Kane since he’s the guy taking care of the NWO and he clears house, giving the NWO the win.

Rating: D. Weak match but Rock was interesting. This wasn’t much at all and with five minutes how big of a match can it be? This is the last match on Raw for Hogan and Rock? This is the best they can do? That’s hardly a good sign. This was really rather weak all things considered.

Vince comes into Flair’s office to yell about various things. Flair takes Booker. Vince takes Edge. Flair takes Big Show. Vince takes Rikishi. They’re going that fast. So in other words: Nash, Hall, Waltman, Taker, Kane and Big Show vs. Benoit, Rock, Angle and Edge. Who do you think wins in the long run here? Keep in mind that the NWO guys would all be gone in the second week of July, this is looking one sided to say the least. Come to think of it, a year after this Rock and Edge were gone too. Help is on the way however, as between now and August WWE would debut guys named Lesnar, Orton, Cena, Batista and Mysterio. Like I said, this was a transitional period for the company. Oh and Shawn came back in the fall too.

Jeff Hardy vs. Billy Gunn

This is during the gay era for Billy and Chuck, culminating in a mind blowing ending when they were about to be married but the minister was Eric Bischoff with a prosthetic face on, pretending to be a senior citizen aged preacher. It legitimately got me. Another two minute match but Jeff getting a singles run was a new idea back then. Matt and Chuck fighting on the floor cause Jeff to miss the Swanton. Lita TOTALLY botches a rana on Rico but Jeff gets the pin on Billy anyway.

Rating: N/A. I’m really getting tired of these short matches. That botch was a sight though. Her legs didn’t even get close to around his head. Moving on.

Flair picks Bubba Ray Dudley so Vince takes D-Von. They actually were going to try to make Bubba a serious challenger, even giving him a world title shot on Raw and giving it time. D-Von became a preacher with a deacon named Batista. I think the latter was a bit more famous.

European Title: Rikishi vs. William Regal

As Regal is coming to the ring, some HUGE muscle guy comes in and beats the living tar out of Rikishi, hitting a spinebuster and a SICK fireman’s carry spinout facebuster. You may know the move as the F5 and the guy as the current UFC World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar. I told you this was a transitional period. No match obviously.

Jazz is evil in New York.

Vince tries to get Brock but it’s not his pick so Flair takes him. Great to see that D-Von pick working for Vince. Vince takes Mark Henry. I actually laugh when I think of the comparison between those two. Flair takes the European William Regal so Vince takes Maven, the Hardcore Champion. Flair takes Lita. Those are the last two picks. Let’s stop for a minute here and go pick for pick and look at these selections with Vince’s coming first.

#1: Rock vs. Undertaker. That’s a tossup I guess as Rock was bigger at the time but Taker is better long term.
#2: Kurt Angle vs. NWO. Do I even need to make fun of this one?
#3: Chris Benoit vs. Kane. Vince wins this based on in ring work alone.
#4: Hulk Hogan vs. Rob Van Dam. Have to go Vince here again as RVD was never really that important in WWE. Close one though given the money Hogan probably commanded.
#5: Billy and Chuck vs. Booker T. Comedy team vs. future world champion. Hmm I wonder.
#6: Edge vs. Big Show. Vince gets another one.
#7: Rikishi vs. Bubba Ray Dudley. Everyone loses.
#8: D-Von Dudley vs. Brock Lesnar. Actually you could make a case for Vince winning here as like I said Batista debuted shortly after this as D-Von’s enforcer. On paper though it’s really Flair in a landslide as Brock was a once in a lifetime find.
#9: Mark Henry vs. William Regal. Flair wins again.
#10: Maven vs. Lita. Eyebrows Huffman vs. a great rack. Flair finishes strong.

Vince has the better core and I think wins pretty easily here, especially since Brock was on Smackdown within 8 months. Also Raw wound up being boring as HECK soon after this.

Vince makes fun of Flair picking Lita because it’s going to be awful and a cesspool.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

Angle grabs a German immediately. DAng Angle was good back then. RVD makes a short comeback to some very solid cheers. He sets for the Five Star but Angle hits the floor. And then Angle pulls the referee in front of the dropkick for the DQ. Edge comes down for the save.

Rating: N/A. Dude we can’t have these two get TV time? Are you kidding me? Where is the time going in this show considering how fast they’re making picks?

Stephanie says she’s going to win the title.

Undisputed Title: Stephanie McMahon vs. HHH vs. Chris Jericho

This is a triple threat and if Stephanie is pinned she’s out of the company. Jericho sends HHH to the floor and Stephanie lays down for Jericho but HHH makes the save. HHH won the title 8 days before this mind you. Totally boring match as the two wrestlers have to be on pins and needles so Stephanie doesn’t get exposed as being NOT A WRESTLER.

Stephanie slaps Jericho for some reason and they argue. Jericho goes for the Walls as this match needs to end. We know HHH isn’t losing so quit teasing us about it. HHH knocks Jericho down and stalks Stephanie. Pedigree is set up but Jericho hits a dropkick to stop it. Jericho grabs a title and a chair and through some odd stuff both HHH and Jericho get belt shots. Stephanie comes in and covers Jericho for two. She does this weird thing of lifting her leg on covers.

HHH gets caught in the Walls but Stephanie jumps on Jericho’s back. Pedigree gets two on Jericho and Stephanie makes the save. Spinebuster ends her and she’s gone….for four months until she became Smackdown’s GM. Security literally drags her away.

Rating: D-. Just horrible stuff here as HHH and Jericho more or less did nothing while this was about Stephanie all over again. What a shock right? She was the focus of just about everything for a good while and this would only get worse in 03/04 when Smackdown was ALL about her and Vince and their stupid feud for power. This was a glorified house show main event though and was really quite stupid.

Overall Rating: D-. Just a bad show overall with the main event being the only thing to break 8 minutes. The picks are odd at best and stupid at worst with nothing really making that much sense at all. This was a bad show and the whole thing would just get worse as the year went on with Raw becoming the HHH show and no one really paying attention to how awesome Smackdown was. Oh and Shawn would come back and be instantly pushed to the top of the roster because he’s Shawn and a 4 year layoff is easy to come back from right? Bad show but huge for historical purposes.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

 

Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,034
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is also called Wrestlemania 2000 but the purist in me won’t let that happen. This is a step up over last year’s one match show as this year we have a two match show. The main event is a fatal fourway elimination match between HHH, the Rock, Big Show and the one night only returning Mick Foley. The other match is Angle vs. Benoit vs. Jericho in a two fall double title match. You might notice a few multi-man matches there and you’re going to notice a lot of them tonight. There isn’t a single one on one match on the entire card tonight, which might be the only time ever in company history. Let’s get to it.

Lillian Garcia sings the national anthem. I’ve heard her do this live and my goodness can she sing the heck out of that song.

We open with a recap of the previous 15 Wrestlemanias which sounds like it’s narrated by a James Earl Jones impersonator.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Ice-T raps Godfather and Brown to the ring. Apparently it’s pimp or die, which I think might be taking it a bit too far. Buchanan and Brown get things going to prevent us from having a future RTC matchup. D’Lo tries a quick O’Connor Roll but only gets two. Boss Man tries to come in but gets run over by Godfather. Off to Godfather for a clothesline and the spinning legdrop but an elbow misses.

Godfather gets beaten on for a bit but comes back with a hook kick for two. Back to Brown who is almost immediately caught by Buchanan for even more pain. D’Lo pounds on Buchanan in the corner as this is going nowhere so far. Of all people, Bull gets things moving a bit better by climbing the corner for a spinning clothesline. Bull puts him in 619 position and both heels slide under the ropes for a double uppercut.

A clothesline gets two more for Bull and everything breaks down for a few seconds. That goes nowhere so we go back to Buchanan pounding on Brown in the corner. Now we keep the excitement going with a bearhug. Boss Man comes in for some double teaming and does his best to get the fans to care at all.

Brown’s cross body is caught in a backbreaker for two from both guys but as Buchanan goes up, Godfather crotches him down. Brown comes back with a nice top rope rana to put Buchanan down on the mat, allowing for the hot tag to Godfather. House is cleaned and there’s the Ho Train to Boss Man. Bull breaks up the Low Down though, allowing the Boss Man Slam to set up a guillotine legdrop on D’Lo for the pin.

Rating: D+. Who in the world thought this was the right idea for an opening match? They were WAY off base with each other here and the match suffered a lot as a result. This didn’t work on almost any level and on top of all that, the popular team loses. The whole point of an opening is to fire up a crowd, so having one of the most over acts in the company lose was a dumb way to start things off. Just a bad match all around.

HHH and Stephanie talk about how awesome their titles are. She’s Women’s Champion if that wasn’t really clear.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kai En Tai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

We look at Axxess over the weekend. Interestingly enough Undertaker is there in the biker attire.

Al Snow talks to someone in a bathroom stall when Steve Blackman comes in and says don’t do something stupid. This is during the Head Cheese (Snow and Blackman) attempt at finding Blackman a personality.

Trish is ready in the back.

Head Cheese vs. T&A

Snow brings out Chester McCheeserton, which is a guy in a cheese suit. Snow: “This is better than Shawn on a zipline.” That would be Test and Albert (Tensai) with the brand new Trish Stratus as their manager. Test and Blackman start as JR’s mic goes out. Test gets kicked down quickly but it’s off to Albert who hits a quick splash in the corner for two. Snow comes in for a few seconds but it’s quickly back to Steve for a running shoulder which takes Albert down.

Snow comes in again sans tag with a slingshot legdrop to the back of Albert’s head. Blackman breaks up a gorilla press attempt from Albert to give Snow two. Head Cheese double teams Albert as the fans are dying faster and faster by the minute here. Chester annoys Trish as Blackman drops a knee on Albert’s crotch. Off to Snow who gets caught in a suplex, allowing for the ice cold tag to Test.

T&A his a double powerbomb on Snow as JR calls it bowling shoe ugly. Snow hits an Asai Moonsault on Test before the modified Trash Compactor (backbreaker by Blackman/guillotine legdrop from Snow) for two on Test. The match breaks down even more as Albert hits a gorilla press on Blackman before a top rope elbow by Test gets the pin.

Rating: D-. Anything with Trish in an outfit that small can’t be a failure, but at the same time this match absolutely sucked. There was NOTHING good going on here and they weren’t just on different pages, but rather in different libraries. This was absolutely horrible and one of the worst Mania matches ever.

Post match Head Cheese beats up Chester. You know, because they’re good guys!

We get a “comedy” bit based off Austin Powers with Kat lacking clothes and Mae Young accidentally covering up the good parts.

The Dudleys say they’re afraid of heights but they’re ready for the triangle ladder match. This is when Bubba still had a stutter.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz are defending and this is a triangle ladder match rather than a TLC match. That would come in September. This is when Edge and Christian still came through the crowd and somehow hadn’t won the tag titles yet. As the Dudleys pose in the aisle on a ladder during their entrance, the Canadians jump the only actual brothers in the match. This is going to be one of those matches that is almost impossible to keep track of. Bubba chops away at Jeff in the ring but gets caught by Whisper in the Wind. A Bubba Bomb puts Jeff right back down and they all head to the floor.

Christian sets up a ladder in the ring but Matt makes a save. Everyone gets back inside and there’s a second ladder. Matt throws one into the corner at Bubba for a sick thud right before D-Von is slammed onto a ladder and hit by a middle rope elbow. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but misses a 450, giving us a SICK looking crash. Bubba puts the ladder on top of Jeff and actually hits the middle rope backsplash to crush both of them. Edge rides a ladder out of the corner to crush another ladder onto Matt.

D-Von takes Edge down and all six guys are on the mat or floor now. Bubba is up first and we get the put the ladder around your own neck and spin around in a circle move. Edge and Christian finally dropkick the ladder into Bubba to put him down and there’s a double flapjack into the ladder in the corner on D-Von. Christian climbs a ladder and dives onto Matt and Bubba on the floor. This is all happening with almost no breaks in between. Jeff climbs the ladder in the ring but Edge jumps off the top with a spear. That would be topped by about 1000 next year.

Matt hits a crucifix bomb on Edge before trying to climb, only to be slammed down by D-Von. D-Von goes up, only to have Christian throw the ladder at him to bring him down. There are now three ladders set up in the middle of the ring and it’s Bubba with a Cutter to Christian off two of them. Awesome looking move there. With Bubba down, the Hardys hit a splash/legdrop combination off the top of the ladders. D-Von tries to climb but the Canadians suplex him off the ladder.

Everyone but the Dudleyz climb up but they all come flying down due to a facebuster and a Russian legsweep in another spot that would be topped next year. The Dudleys are back in now and the fans want tables. Now all six guys climb three ladders and as you can guess, they all go flying down. Christian and Jeff get the worst of it, crashing out to the floor. Bubba lands on his feet and shoves the other two ladders over, leaving him alone in the ring. D-Von is back up too but here’s Christian back to his feet, only to get crushed between two ladders.

Edge comes back in and gets caught in the original 3D, with Bubba running for the cutter instead of just standing there. Bubba loads up a table as is his custom and D-Von gets one of his own. There are two ladders set up in the ring and the Dudleys are all alone, but instead of climbing they make a scaffold out of a table between the tops of the ladders. The Hardys get back up to make the save but are easily dispatched. Again the Dudleys screw up though by setting up another table under the scaffold and a third on the floor.

Bubba powerbombs Matt through the one on the floor but D-Von misses a splash through Jeff on one of the tables back in the ring. Jeff tries to run the rail but Bubba pelts him in the face with a ladder. Bubba loads up the super ladder in the aisle before setting up a table in front of it. I can smell wrestling law #1 from here. Jeff comes back and takes Bubba out before putting him on the ladder. In the famous spot from this match, Jeff climbs to the top of the super ladder and hits the Swanton through Bubba through the table to put both of them out.

Back in the ring D-Von suplexes Christian down and goes for a climb but here’s Matt to break it up. The Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and now it’s Matt and Christian climbing the ladders. They both wind up on the scaffolding that was set up earlier but here’s Edge from behind. The brothers throw Matt through the table, allowing Edge and Christian to pull down the belts for their first titles.

Rating: A-. There are two problems with this match. First of all, the match the next year blows it away. Second, and far worse, the last ten minutes were spent setting up spots instead of actually going for the belts. Take the big spot of the match for example. Why in the world would Bubba do that instead of for the sake of doing that spot later? Same with all the other tables set up. There was no logic to doing that, but they did the spots anyway. Still though, excellently fun match.

Mick Foley and Linda McMahon say the main event tonight is the biggest match of all time and thanks to Linda, Mick gets to be in the main event at Wrestlemania. He says fairy tales can come true, one will come true for him.

Terri Runnels vs. The Kat

It’s a Catfight, meaning you have to put your opponent on the floor to win. Val Venis is referee and Moolah and Mae are in the respective corners. The referee compares a certain part of himself to Wrestlemania in a promo that would get him chased off by a pitchfork carrying mob in today’s world. Venis is in a referee’s towel too. Early on he picks up Terri and gets kissed in a spot that would have made the Montreal Screwjob completely different.

Kat hits a lame spear but Val has to stop Mae from flashing everyone. Terri is sent to the floor but there’s no referee. The old chicks get in the ring and Mae kisses Val. Kat throws Terri to the floor but Moolah pulls Kat to the outside. Terri is the only one in as Val escapes Mae, giving Terri the win. Total mess but it was a bridge between the big match and the rest of the show.

Terri is stripped post match.

The Radicalz are ready for the six man tag but Eddie is more interested in melting Chyna with the Latino Heat.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

This would be Saturn/Malenko/Guerrero. They’re brand new at this point and Dean is already Light Heavyweight Champion. Too Cool was their first feud and it was a big enough deal that Too Cool rode it to a tag title reign in a few months. Eddie and Scotty start things off and Scott has his hat knocked off almost immediately. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Eddie down and it’s off to Chyna, sending Guerrero running off to Dean.

Malenko loads up a fast powerbomb but Scotty clotheslines him down to break it up. Chyna and the Grandmaster suplex Malenko down and it’s time to dance. Back to Eddie to face Grandmaster with Sexay hitting a quick suplex. Saturn breaks up the top rope legdrop though and the Radicalz take over. Perry comes in legally now and steals Grandmaster’s dew rag, somehow making him look even more ridiculous.

Eddie comes back in and allows Grandmaster to make a tag to Scotty. That goes badly for the non Radicalzas Scotty charges into a hot shot followed by the slingshot hilo for no cover. Grandmaster comes back in sans tag and throws Eddie to the floor as things fall apart. Scotty loads up a double Worm on Saturn and Malenko but an Eddie distraction lets them get back up. There’s no one in the ring at the moment until we get back to Scotty vs. Eddie. Perry comes back in and superkicks Hotty down.

A top rope elbow hits Scotty but again there’s no cover. Instead it’s back to Guerrero who goes up but takes too long, allowing Scotty to crotch him. A superplex puts both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Chyna. She cleans house with handspring elbows and a double low blow to Saturn and Malenko. Eddie decks her though, breaking part of her outfit in the process. Chyna escapes a powerbomb into one of her own, grabs Eddie’s crotch and slams him down before finishing him with a sleeper drop.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work for me for the most part but the main story of Chyna vs. Eddie was advanced which is the right idea. This would wind up meaning nothing (in a way) though as Chyna would fall victim to the Latino Heat the next day, starting a summer long relationship between the two. I guess that crotch grab changed her mind.

The redneckiest rednecks of all time won a contest to go to Wrestlemania.

Big Show and Shane say Show will win.

We get a clip from earlier of Angle beating up his mentor Bob Backlund after finding out that Backlund came up with the idea of Kurt defending both titles.

Angle asks a security guard for extra security for the post match celebration.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

This is an interesting idea. Angle holds both titles coming in and there are going to be two falls here. The first is for the Intercontinental Title and the second is for the European Title, so basically we’re getting back to back triple threats. Jericho guarantees to walk out of this match as the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah while the other two will walk out with a shirt that complains about how lousy the shirt is as well as how bad the beating from Jericho was.

Benoit jumps Angle before the bell before heading inside for a clothesline from his fellow Canadian. All three are in now and Benoit chops Jericho, only to have his belly to back suplex escaped. Benoit breaks up a springboard dropkick by Jericho before fighting with Angle on the apron. Jericho hits the previously broken up dropkick to send both guys out to the floor. He joins them immediately, only to be sent into the steps by Kurt. Back in and a belly to belly suplex gets two for Angle on Jericho.

Jericho hits a backbreaker on Angle but Benoit shoves Jericho off the top and into the announce table for good measure. Benoit covers Angle for two before suplexing him down for the same. Jericho is back in for a dropkick to his fellow Canadian but Benoit comes right back with a clothesline for two more. Jericho bulldogs Angle down but Benoit comes back with chops of his own on the other Chris. Angle suplexes Benoit down but Jericho makes the save. Very back and forth action so far.

Jericho camel clutches Benoit but has to break it up to stop a charging Kurt. Angle hits a big suplex on Jericho for two as Benoit makes another save. Benoit rolls up Jericho in the corner but Angle dropkicks his head face first into the middle buckle to break it up. Jericho loads up a double arm suplex on Angle but gets countered into a crossface chickenwing. Benoit comes back in and dropkicks Angle before sending him to the floor and into the barricade. Back in and the Swan Dive to Jericho gives Benoit the first fall and the Intercontinental Title.

Very wisely Benoit immediately covers Jericho for an attempt at the European Title but it only gets two as Kurt dives in for the save. Angle suplexes Benoit down for two but takes too long on the moonsault attempt, allowing Jericho to break it up. Jericho loads up a belly to back superplex but Benoit supelxes Chris down, allowing Angle to miss the moonsault on Benoit. All three guys are down now until Angle covers Benoit for two. Jericho gets back into it with a Walls attempt on Angle, only to have the other Chris break it up.

Everyone gets back up and it’s Jericho with a spinwheel kick to take Benoit to the floor. The double powerbomb puts Angle down but Benoit comes back in for the Rolling Germans on Jericho. Benoit goes old school with a Dragon Supelx on Angle for two. Jericho hits the forearm on the referee by mistake, only to be put in the Crossface by the new IC Champion.

It gets an unseen tapout but Benoit releases, allowing Jericho to put Benoit in the Walls. Angle hits Jericho with a title belt but Benoit makes the save as the referee is awake again. Benoit suplexes Angle down again but misses the Swan Dive. Jericho slides in for the Lionsault on Benoit for the European Title to end things.

Rating: B+. Awesome match here which would have been match of the year when this style dominated in 2003. All three guys were the future generation of the company once we shifted to the technical style over on Smackdown in a few years, but here it’s just awesome instead of a match of the times. This is one of the only things that people remember from this show and with good reason: it was awesome.

Vince says he’ll be a factor in the main event. He’s in Rock’s corner tonight and doesn’t think his family is dysfunctional. Vince promises to make it right tonight. You can smell the screwjob coming from here.

HHH doesn’t like what Vince just said and promises not to lose.

D-Generation X vs. Rikishi/Kane

This would be Road Dogg and X-Pac with Tori as the final surviving members of the team. Kane has the wicked awesome inverted colors on tonight with mainly black trimmed with red. Tori slaps Paul Bearer before the match but gets choked by Kane for his efforts. It’s a brawl to start with Rikishi hitting a quick Stinkface on Road Dogg. The fat man turns his attention to Tori but Pac makes a last minute save. D-X tries to leave to no avail as the big men slowly chase them down.

We finally get started with Pac vs. Rikishi and the smaller man hitting a spinning kick in the corner but no Bronco Buster follows. Off to Roadie for the dancing punches and a forearm to put Rikishi down. The shaky knee gets two and it’s back to Pac for some kicks to the chest which have no effect. A Samoan Drop puts Pac down and there’s the tag to Kane. Kane gets to beat up X-Pac which is the whole point of the match. X-Pac avoids the Stinkface but Bearer throws Tori in to take his place. Kane tombstones Pac to end this.

Rating: D. This was another way to bridge between the two matches while also giving us a nice closure to this feud. Rikishi was a popular guy at the time so giving him a big match on a show like this was the right idea. Tori screwed over Kane months before so seeing her get what was coming to her was a nice feeling. The match sucked though.

Post match Too Cool and the San Diego Chicken come out to celebrate but Kane doesn’t trust the bird. Everyone dances as Kane stares at the chicken. Either Pete is a far better dancer than expected or there’s something afoot. Kane stares down at the bird but here’s Pete Rose with a ball bat. This goes as badly as the other years have gone and it’s a chokeslam and a Stinkface for the Hit King. I’ll give the guy this: he’s willing to do almost whatever the WWF asked of him.

Rock says it’s been twelve months since he was world champion and there have been a lot of bad moments for Rock since then. After ever chokeslam, every Mandible Claw and every Pedigree, he’s back here at Wrestlemania for his world title. If Rock has an ounce of blood and sweat, he’s going to layeth the Smacketh Down tonight for the millions and millions.

Various celebrities are here tonight, including Michael Clarke Duncan and Martin Short.

Here’s a recap of the main event which the company doesn’t think is important enough to explain to you. HHH is defending champion and retired Foley at No Way Out. Rock won the Rumble but Big Show presented HHH with a video showing that Rock’s feet hit first. This got Big Show a match at No Way Out for the #1 contendership where he beat Rock. Rock then earned the shot back by beating Big Show on Raw. Linda McMahon brought Foley back for one night only and if he wins tonight, there’s a tournament leading up to the title match at Backlash.

The real story here is that there’s a McMahon in every corner: Vince with Rock because Vince respect him, Stephanie with her husband HHH, Linda with the feel good story of Foley and Shane with Big Show because he sees Show as his ticket to the top of the company. In other words, the wrestlers are just there as the McMahons are the real show here.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mick Foley vs. HHH vs. Big Show

There are no tags here, no disqualification and you have to win by pin. Why there are no submissions is beyond me but whatever. Rock and Big Show fight as do the other two with the champion being punched down. Allegedly Foley was told a week before this match that he would be participating so he isn’t in the best of shape. Granted that’s normal for him so maybe it won’t be that big of a deal.

Big Show runs over everyone and gorilla presses HHH and Rock. Foley gets a headbutt but tries to jump on Show’s back, only to have the giant crush him against the mat. Rock comes back with right hands on Big Show but walks into a side slam for no cover. HHH jumps into a chokeslam attempt but Foley breaks it up with a low blow. Everyone triple teams Big Show to a big reaction and a running clothesline from Rock puts him down. They all stomp away at the giant but HHH and Foley just can’t work together that long.

Foley blasts HHH in the ribs with a chair and hits Show in the back with it as well, allowing the Rock Bottom to get rid of the biggest guy in the match. We’re down to three now and Shane is ticked off. HHH offers Foley an alliance against Rock but Foley says no. Instead HHH offers Rock an alliance against Foley but we get a Rock and Sock Connection reunion as HHH gets beaten down. HHH gets punched down and dropped with a double clothesline.

The champion is sent to the floor but the Connection won’t fight each other. Instead they head to the outside and beat up HHH even more to the fans’ delight. Rock picks up the bell but accidentally blasts Foley in the head. Foley gets up quickly and finds a barbed wire 2×4. HHH saves himself with a low blow and a shot to Foley’s ribs with the board. Rock comes back in and is backdropped to the floor, allowing Foley to hit the double arm DDT on HHH. It’s Socko time and Rock adds a belt shot to take HHH down.

Rock loads up the Elbow but Foley puts the Claw on him to break it up. HHH hits them both low to put them both down but Rock gets back up first and pounds away on the champion. Foley gets in a shot to Rock for two and a double arm DDT gets the same. Vince slides in a chair for no apparent reason but Foley gets it first. It gets kicked back into his face by Rock for two as HHH makes the save. Why would he do something like that? A running knee lift gets two on Rock but HHH doesn’t save this time. Interesting.

HHH and Mick start working together for a bit and a knee drop gets two on Rock. They head to the floor with Mick’s knees being sent HARD into the steps. Mick picks up said steps and cracks Rock in the head with them as Stephanie yells at Linda. HHH puts Rock on the table for the Foley elbow through it….but Mick can’t jump that far and crashes ribs first into the edge of the table. HHH hits about three elbows of his own to put Rock through the table as the match continues to drag.

Back inside and HHH Pedigrees Foley for two and a big eruption from the crowd. A BIG chair shot to the head puts Foley down and Linda is panicking. HHH Pedigrees Mick onto the chair and the career is over again. We’re down to two now and HHH is somehow even more hated than he was before. Foley gets a big standing ovation but turns around to come back to the ring. He picks up the barbed wire and blasts HHH in the head to give us one last BANG BANG moment.

We’re finally down to HHH vs. Rock after twenty minutes of glorified preliminary stuff. Rock gets two off the barbed wire stuff and they head up to the stage for the required main event brawling. Rock suplexes HHH down on the concrete and does the same with a clothesline. They head into the crowd for even more “fighting” which means walking with the occasional punching. A backdrop puts HHH back at ringside where Rock picks up the steps, only to have HHH knock them onto Rock with a chair. He pounds on the steps with the chair to crush Rock even further underneath them.

A piledriver on the steps keeps Rock down even longer before we head inside again. The piledriver only gets two and Rock is somehow up again to slug away with right hands. Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered with HHH being backdropped out to the floor. Rock hits a kind of spinebuster to put HHH down and there’s a suplex through the table for good measure. Both guys are basically dead now but it’s Rock up first.

Vince can’t handle the lack of the spotlight anymore though and rams HHH into the post. Cue Shane again to take out Vince with a monitor shot to the head but Papa gets up a few seconds later to beat up his son. Shane comes back with a chairshot as we’re ignoring THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA to see Shane and Vince fight. As a bleeding Vince is taken out, we cut to a shot of Stephanie with the most vapid look you’ll ever see on her face.

We’re allowed to return to the match now with right hands from Rocky. A DDT gets two on the champion as does a tilt-a-whirl slam. HHH comes back with a facebuster and a barbed wire shot to the head of Rock. At least he’s nice enough to loudly ask “ARE YOU OK” before being catapulted into Shane. There’s the Rock Bottom but Rock can’t cover. Instead here’s Vince for the 87^th time tonight to slap Shane around. Then, as if you would expect anything else, he turns on Rock with a chair shot. Stephanie still fails at acting as HHH chairs Rock down again for the pin to retain and kill the crowd even deader.

Rating: D+. And that’s being VERY generous. This was the definition of McMahon overkill as it was ALL about them with the match literally being ignored at times while they had their repeated drama. On top of that the match sucked with the first 20 minutes being there to get us to the last 20 minutes which doesn’t do anyone any good. The rest of the match was just a big mess with no real story to it as we were all at the mercy of the McMahons. Instead of focusing on HHH vs. Rock, we had to wait 40 minutes for Vince to turn on Rock for no apparent reason. Also Rock would win the title at Backlash, making this entirely pointless.

Post match Vince and Stephanie reunite in the ring. Shane gets back in but before we can get more of McMahon World, Rock comes in with Rock Bottoms for all three McMahons. You might notice that HHH, the FREAKING WORLD CHAMPION, is nowhere in sight for all this. Oh wait he pops up on the apron to get punched down before Rock hits the People’s Elbow on Stephanie (who doesn’t even move an inch when it hits). The last shot of the show: the McMahons recovering of course.

Overall Rating: D. This show is the low point of the best year in the company’s history and it’s because of the McMahon drama. Again, there is zero reason to have them dominate a main event like this other than that’s what they wanted to happen. The stuff that was good though, while limited, was VERY good with the midcard title match and the tag title match blowing away everything else going on with this show. That main event is a BIG blow to it though given how long the thing ran. Check out those two matches and then go pick up the N64 game instead of the show as it’s WAY more entertaining.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

Redo: B-

T&A vs. Head Cheese

Original: F

Redo: D-

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

Redo: A-

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

Redo: B+

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D

Not much changes in a few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Is this supposed to be funny or something?Let’s see: we’ve got a boss with a huge ego who has a good looking daughter.  An upper midcard heel marries said good looking daughter and will likely get a title shot out of it very soon.  The loud heel turns face and now has a quad injury.

 

In case you’re not making the connection, I’m talking about Vince, HHH and Stephanie.  Sound familiar?

Survivor Series 2001
Date: November 18, 2001
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 10,142
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

I’ve talked about the Invasion over and over and over as have a bunch of other people so I’ll spare you the big explanation of it. In short, WWF bought WCW and ECW (or close enough to that at least) and over the summer and fall of 2001, squandered what could arguably have been a billion dollars’ worth of stories, feuds and shocks. But hey, why make a fortune when you can destroy WCW and have a final blowoff in the home of Starrcade where you can say HAHA I BEAT YOU TURNER and crush WCW once and for all? That’s the whole show for the most part. It’s one Survivor Series match, winner take all. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a cool idea as it shows all of the old logos for the WWF over the years and a bunch of great moments in company history, set to a song called The End Is Here. Tonight it’s winner take all in the main event.

European Title: Christian vs. Al Snow

Christian is in the Alliance and defending. He greets his fans in South Carolina and says he’s awesome. Snow comes out to the Tough Enough theme which is always awesome. Snow takes him down to the mat which frustrates the champ. Christian comes back with a foot on Snow’s face in the corner followed by a Russian legsweep for two. We hit the chinlock as the match slows down.

Snow fights up and hits his headbutts but Christian hits a tiger driver backbreaker for two. Snow gets rammed into the buckle and things slow down again. The trapping headbutts hit Christian again and Snow escapes the reverse DDT into a neckbreaker for two. Heyman schilling for the Alliance guy is always funny. A sitout powerbomb gets two for Snow and now Christian’s reverse DDT hits for no cover. Instead Christian talks a lot of trash and gets rolled up for two. A top rope cross body is rolled through by Snow and the Snow Plow gets two. There’s the Unprettier out of nowhere to keep the title in the Alliance. That was quick.

Rating: C-. This is one of those shows where anything but the main event means nothing, which makes the first hour and a half of the show pretty uninteresting to sit through. This match was fine but it could have been on Smackdown on any given week. Snow and Christian are both good hands so a good match is really nothing shocking at all.

Austin arrives and yells at the Alliance. He doesn’t like being accused of being a traitor to the Alliance. This would be a lot better if Stephanie had more acting ability than say, a carrot. Austin yells at everyone on the team and says stop being paranoid.

Vince and Linda arrive with Vince brimming with confidence. Cole comes up and says this might be their last night in business but Vince doesn’t want to hear talk like that. Vince talks about taking calculated risks and being confident because someone is jumping to the WWF. Regal comes up and says he doesn’t buy the idea that Austin is jumping back to the WWF.

William Regal vs. Tajiri

Regal hurt Tajiri’s girlfriend Torrie on Smackdown to set this up. Also these two used to be friends. Tajiri is Cruiserweight Champion and was supposed to face X-Pac in a title for title match, but according to Commissioner Mick Foley, “No one cared about X-Pac or the Light Heavyweight Title anyway”. Tajiri fires off a kick but gets suplexed right back down.

The knee trembler takes Tajiri down but Tajiri goes after Regal’s knee with the kicks. There’s the Tarantula and Regal is bleeding from the nose. A handspring elbow gets two for Tajiri but Regal ties his head up in the ropes to stop the momentum dead. Regal tries a powerbomb but gets countered by another kick to the head. The Buzzsaw Kick misses and there’s the Tiger Bomb from Regal for the pin. Too short to rate but it was fine. Short, but fine.

Regal powerbombs him again post match. Torrie (looking GREAT in a purple top and leather pants) comes out to check on Tajiri, only to get powerbombed as well.

We recap Edge vs. Test. These two are both midcard champions after the seemingly dozens of never ending midcard title changes going on at this point. Edge is US Champion, Test is IC Champion, tonight only one belt survives.

Test complains about the makeup lady not rubbing in the oil well enough on him. Stacy comes up and agrees with Test. Test hits on her and she’ll think about it if he wins.

Edge compares himself to Test and says that there are a lot of similarities between them. The difference is that Edge hasn’t been dumped by every chick on the planet. Edge makes fun of Test for sounding wooden and that’s about it.

Intercontinental Title/US Title: Edge vs. Test

They fight over control to start with Edge taking over via a series of forearms to the head. Test powers him down and goes after the ribs with a wide ranging selection of stomps. We head to the floor with Edge being dropped across the barricade to further the attack on the ribs. Back in and Edge hits a dropkick to take over before we head outside again. Back in quickly and a swinging neckbreaker gets two for Edge.

Test drops Edge onto the top rope ribs first to reinjure him and the taller of the blonde Canadian champions takes over again. Test puts on a chinlock as the match slows down again. Edge fights up and avoids a corner charge before hitting a middle rope missile dropkick for two. A middle rope cross body misses though and Test puts him on the top rope.

Edge blocks a superplex with some CANADIAN right hands to the ribs but a sunset bomb doesn’t work. Test dives off the top but jumps right into a dropkick to put him down. The problem with this match is neither guy has been able to build up any kind of a run with the title as both have changed hands four times since the InVasion began about four months ago. How can you get behind either guy as a big time champion in that little bit of time? On top of that, Edge has been champion for six days and Test for thirteen. That’s not exactly Honky Tonk Man unifying with Luger in the late 80s.

Both guys are down now but it’s Edge up first with some clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Test’s pumphandle slam is countered into the Edge-O-Matic for two. Test spears Edge down for two but the big boot misses. There’s the pumphandle for two but Test’s powerbomb is countered into a rana. Edge’s spear gets a close two but he can’t hit the Edgecution. Test tries a full nelson slam but Edge rolls through for the pin and both titles.

Rating: C+. This started pretty slow but it got going once Edge was able to start countering Test’s power stuff. In other words, Edge did the work to make Test’s generic big man offense look decent. This was probably the match of the night, which isn’t surprising given how hot Edge got in the next year.

Angle comes up to see a stressed out Stephanie. My goodness her acting is bad. I know I say that a lot, but IT’S FREAKING TERRIBLE. She says if the Alliance loses tonight, she’ll have to buy her own groceries and wash her own car. She can’t be a…..a…..a REGULAR PERSON!!! Angle reminds her that she’s special and doesn’t think Austin will jump.

A cage is lowered.

Jeff and Lita are talking about Matt being different lately. Matt comes up and yells at them for acting strange and not being focused enough. It turns into a rallying speech and things seem ok. The guys leave and Trish comes out of the same locker room Matt came out of earlier. It says Team WWF so maybe there’s nothing there……..but maybe there is. DUN DUN DUN!

WCW Tag Titles/WWF Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

In a cage. The Dudleys are WCW Champions and the Hardys are the WWF Champions and Stacy is STUNNING at this point as the Dudleys’ manager. All four belts get laid out between the guys in the ring and it’s time to go. There are tags required here and it’s Matt vs. Bubba to start. Matt can’t get anywhere so it’s off to Jeff who walks into a Boss Man Slam for two.

D-Von comes in as Heyman talks about Big Daddy Dudley which JR could not care less about. Back to Matt who rolls D-Von up for two but walks into a reverse inverted DDT for two. Bubba comes in again and drops a bunch of elbows for two. The Dudleys tag in and out a lot and it’s back to Bubba for more punching to Matt’s ribs. Bubba tries to ram Matt into the cage but Matt counters into a reverse DDT.

Off to Jeff who cleans house as everything breaks down quickly. Poetry in Motion hits Bubba and Matt climbs but D-Von makes the save. It’s pin/submission/double escape to win here and there’s a Bubba Bomb off the top to Jeff. Wouldn’t that hurt both of them equally? Bubba goes up again but Matt slams him down for two. Matt gets rammed into the cage but when the Dudleys try to do the same to Jeff, he grabs the cage and tries to climb out, only to get caught in a Doomsday Device (Paul: “WHAT A RUSH!”).

Matt gets crushed against the cage and Bubba whips D-Von into him for good measure. Bubba splashes him as well and the Dudleys are in full control. Jeff gets in a shot and Matt hits a top rope double clothesline to shift the momentum just as fast though. A DDT puts Bubba down for two and Jeff hits the legdrop between D-Von’s legs. A double backdrop takes Ray down again and the Hardys go up.

Matt hits a legdrop and Jeff hits a splash off the top at the same time for two on Bubba. Matt makes a climb but gets pulled down with one leg still stuck in the cage. What’s Up to Jeff and Bubba asks Stacy for a table. Stacy hits on Nick Patrick and picks the key out of his pocket. There’s a table in the ring now but Matt breaks up the 3D by jumping Bubba. Why D-Von didn’t flapjack Jeff through the table is anyone’s guess.

Bubba and Matt go tot he top and pound away at each other until Bubba is knocked down. Matt climbs down to escape but he’s left alone against the Dudleys. D-Von is rammed into the cage a few times and Jeff goes up as D-Von climbs onto the table for no apparent reason. Jeff looks down and sees D-Von there before diving off the top of the cage, but the Swanton misses. Bubba covers the table and therefore Jeff as well for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was the usual good brawl between these teams and it furthers the Hardys’ issues, but at the end of the day this feud was played out at this point. There was nothing left for these two teams to do and at this point it was being dragged out way too far. Still though, good match and a good way to I believe finally end this nearly two year long feud.

Jeff is taken out on a stretcher.

Mick Foley is at WWF New York and admits that his job (WWF Commissioner) means nothing.

Scotty 2 Hotty is about to be in the Immunity Battle Royal but Test beats him up to take his spot.

Immunity Battle Royal

Test, Billy Gunn, Bradshaw, Farrooq, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, Diamond Dallas Page, Albert, Tazz, Perry Saturn, Raven, Chuck Palumbo, Crash Holly, Justin Credible, Shawn Stasiak, Steven Richards, Tommy Dreamer, The Hurricane, Spike Dudley, Hugh Morrus, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Funaki

No matter who wins the main event tonight, the winner of this is guaranteed a job for a year. Stasiak is thrown to the floor before the bell rings and is apparently out. Test drops to the floor to hide as Tazz comes in late. Since it’s a battle royal there’s really not much to talk about here. Everyone punches everyone and no one is put out for awhile. Heyman freaks out about Tazz because Tazz choked him out on Smackdown.

Hurricane dives at Farrooq and is clotheslined out by Bradshaw. Albert throws Saturn out and Test, who is back in now, dumps Farrooq. Page is put out by someone we can’t see and Storm superkicks Palumbo out. Morrus and Chavo run in as wildcards because they tried to jump from the Alliance to the WWF on Raw but got fired as a result. Billy dumps Chavo as Morrus is eliminated as well. Tazz dumps Dreamer and Crash as Storm low bridges Spike out. Bradshaw’s Clothesline kills Richards and he’s gone.

Tazz stops to run his mouth to Heyman and gets dumped by Billy. Test and I think Kidman put Albert out. We’re down to Bradshaw, Kidman, Gunn, Test and Storm. Sorry if I missed a bunch of eliminations but a lot of them weren’t shown. The fallaway slam puts Kidman out and we’re down to four. Bradshaw kicks Storm down and might have hurt his ankle. Things slow way down as Billy and Bradshaw hang on for dear life. Storm and Test team up to put Bradshaw out but Test dumps Storm as well. A big boot eliminates Gunn and Test wins immunity.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but at the end of the day, it’s a battle royal so what are you expecting to get here? Test would fall through the floor in the next year with no one caring about him at all. This was a pretty big batch of jobbers in there though and that doesn’t really make for an interesting match. Then again, neither do most battle royals.

Sacrifice video by Creed.

Booker is worried about Austin jumping. Shane says it’s ok and stick with it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ivory vs. Lita vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz

Chyna relinquished the title earlier in the year without being pinned and then disappeared so this is the best we’ve got to pick from for the new champion. This is Jazz’s debut and NO ONE CARES. Why does no one care? Because Jazz meant nothing in ECW and was a face there but is a heel here. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz pounding away. Off to Jackie vs. Molly off some blind tags and somehow even fewer people care about Jackie.

Jackie dropkicks Molly down and it’s off to Ivory who gets caught in a sunset flip for two. This is one fall to a finish. Ivory slingshots Jackie into the ropes and it’s off to Trish who is looking very good in those little pink shorts of hers. Lita gets knocked to the floor and the three Alliance chicks (Ivory, Jazz, Molly) triple team Trish for a bit. Jackie double crosses Lita on Poetry in Motion and everyone hits their finishers on everyone else. The Litasault gets two on Ivory as Jazz saves. Lita gets backdropped to the floor and it’s Ivory vs. Trish left. Stratusfaction gives Trish I believe her first title.

Rating: D. It was short, the match wasn’t any good, Trish looked great in the skin tight barely there pink shorts, Lita looked good as usual, and that’s all I’ve got here. As usual with situations like this, when the previous champion doesn’t lose the title, the new champion comes in at a big disadvantage.

Vince looks at Team WWF and gives them a pep talk, bringing up names like Dr. Jerry Graham, Peter Maivia, Gorilla Monsoon (pop) and Andre the Giant (BIG pop). He understands he might be looking at a group of losers, and if that happens no one will ever forgive them. After listening to that speech, I want to go fight three WWF guys and one guy each from ECW and WCW!

We recap the main event which has been summed up pretty well already. Vince was replaced by Big Show and Rock and Jericho are having major issues. Rock is WCW champion and Austin is WWF Champion. This really does feel like a huge match. The video is set to Control by Puddle of Mudd which is a good song.

Basically Vince said that he was tired of all of the InVasion (I think a lot of us were at this point) and offered one winner take all match with the losing organization going out of business. Angle joined the Alliance after the announcement but Vince says Austin is coming back to the WWF, giving the Alliance reason to be concerned. Austin stunned Angle on TV recently to further that idea.

Team WWF vs. Team Alliance

The Rock, Chris Jericho, Big Show, Undertaker, Kane

Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Shane McMahon

Everyone gets individual entrances so it takes forever to get to the start of the match. As those are going on, a few things to notice here: Team Alliance has one of the biggest WWF superstars ever, a guy that at this point had only wrestled in the WWF, a WCW guy, an ECW guy, and the then heir to the WWF throne.

Also, as goes the stereotype for the WWF, most of their guys are big and strong instead of the more athletic styles of the Alliance team. One other thing: JR keeps up one of the annoying inaccuracies in wrestling by saying that Taker won the world title in his WWF debut. It was a year later, which you should know if you’ve been reading my reviews like good minions.

Rock and Austin start fighting before the bell and you know the early advantage doesn’t mean a thing in this one. Austin hits the Thesz Press and the middle rope elbow for a very early two. Rock comes back with a middle finger elbow of his own and dares Shane to get in. Off to Booker who gets clotheslined down for two as Shane makes the save. Expect to hear that line for awhile. Off to Jericho as Heyman blames Vince for the end of ECW.

Van Dam and Jericho have a nice fast paced sequence with Jericho hitting a spinwheel kick for no cover. Jericho chops away but misses a dropkick, allowing Rob to hit the cartwheel into a moonsault for two. For reasons likely related to high levels of drug use, Van Dam tries a standing rana on Jericho, only to be countered into the Walls. Shane makes the third save of the match already and it’s off to Angle vs. Kane.

Angle gets thrown around but eventually slips behind Kane and hits a German Suplex for two. Kane comes back with a side slam and the top rope clothesline for two of his own as Shane saves again. Off to the Dead Man who pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Booker to get the tag. Taker immediately drops Booker and hits a legdrop, but Shane breaks up his fifth near fall of the match.

There’s Old School to Booker followed by that lifting wristlock which always looks painful. Off to a short armed scissors followed by a clothesline for two, resulting in ANOTHER save from Shane. Austin comes in to pound on Taker (and to cause Heyman to say WHAT after everything JR says) but he gets caught in Old School. Say it with me: Shane makes the save. Taker gets caught in the wrong corner and quintuple teamed.

Angle is in next and tries to slug it out with the Deadman for some reason. Taker escapes a German and DDTs Angle down. There’s the tag to Big Show and JR almost immediately bashes him, saying Show can make a huge difference, or he can make some huge mistakes. Show throws around RVD and Angle before clearing off the entire Alliance corner. Angle gets underneath Show and there’s the Slam followed by an Ax kick from Booker (and a Spinarooni) and a Five Star and a top rope elbow from Shane for the first elimination.

Shane dances around in celebration before turning around to meet The Rock who beats the living tar out of Shane with right hands in the corner. Off to Kane for a chokeslam, then a tombstone from Undertaker and a Lionsault from Jericho to tie it up. That’s the best way to go as Show and Shane were the weak links on both teams. Angle vs. Jericho now with Jericho hitting the forearm to start. A double underhook backbreaker puts Angle down but Austin saves.

Angle uses an amateur takedown and brings in Booker to slam Chris a few times. RVD gets a tag but one of his shoulders in the corner is countered into a sunset flip for two. Off to Kane who catches a punch from RVD. Van Dam’s comeback? Kick the guy in the head. Why make things too complicated? Kane pulls Booker in and kicks him in the face too but the numbers game allows Van Dam to take Kane down and hit the Five Star. Rob takes too long to cover though and gets caught in a chokeslam, but Booker kicks Kane down. Everything breaks down and Rob kicks Kane from the top for the pin to make it 4-3.

Taker pounds on Van Dam in the corner while everyone else is fighting on the floor. Austin and Angle get in as well and Taker has to fight all four guys at once. He gets them all in a corner and keeps charging at all of them with clotheslines in a cool sequence. Snake Eyes and a big boot take Angle down and there’s a Last Ride for him as well. Booker comes in with a chair but Taker boots him down, leaving himself open to a Stunner from Austin and the pin by Angle. That leaves us with Austin/Angle/Booker/RVD vs. Rock/Jericho.

Booker stomps on Rock but Rocky comes back with right hands. A side kick takes Rock right back down but Rock does the same with a DDT for two. Booker charges into a Samoan Drop for two as Austin makes the save. Rock whips Booker into Angle and grabs a rollup to eliminate Mr. T, making it 3-2.

Rob is in next but as he goes up, Rock kind of powerbombs him off the top for two. Jericho gets the tag and hits a running neckbreaker for two before chopping away in the corner. Van Dam avoids the Lionsault and kicks Chris’ head off, followed by the split legged moonsault for no cover. Jericho pops up and hits a Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) out of nowhere for the pin and the elimination to tie it up at two each.

Austin slingshots Rock into the post on the floor while Angle and Jericho fight in the ring. Angle picks Jericho’s ankle and stomps away on him as Heyman thinks the Alliance can find a place for the Rock. Back to Austin to pound away on Chris and hit a superplex for two. Austin hits a kind of northern lights/belly to belly suplex for two and here’s Angle again. Jericho puts Kurt in the ankle lock but Kurt quickly escapes and hits a clothesline to take over.

It’s back to Austin for a suplex and an elbow to the face. Angle comes in and stomps away before it’s back to Austin who stomps away as well. We hit one of the few chinlocks in this match as Jericho is in trouble. Jericho fights up and it’s a double tag to bring in Rock vs. Angle with the Great One quickly hooking a Sharpshooter on Kurt for an even faster tap. Heyman LOSES IT in a great moment.

Off to Austin vs. Jericho with Chris trying the Walls but Austin rakes the eyes to escape. Austin can’t put Jericho in the Boston crab either but he gets the knees up to block the Lionsault. Steve loads up a superplex but gets shoved down, followed by a missile dropkick for Jericho for two. Austin counters a rollup out of nowhere for the pin and the elimination to get us down to Rock vs. Austin. Did you expect it to be anything else?

Rock hits a bad spinebuster but Jericho hits a Breakdown on Rock to take him down in a double cross. It’s not joining the Alliance, but rather just personal hatred. That gets two for Austin and Taker comes out to stalk Jericho to the back. Austin pounds away before launching Rock over the top and out to the floor. They fight on the floor with Austin being laid on the table and slapped in the chest over and over.

Austin comes back but gets sent over the announce table and punched in the face by Rock. Back in Rock chops away but gets caught in the whip spinebuster from Austin. Austin puts on a bad Sharpshooter and there’s your Montreal reference. Rock finally makes the rope so Austin grabs the WWF Title. Rock ducks the swing and puts Austin the Sharpshooter but he’s afraid to let go of the belt for some reason. I guess realizing he has a job no matter what, he grabs the rope instead.

Back up and Austin’s Stunner is countered into a Stunner from Rock. Why that puts Rock down after Rock had been in control for awhile is beyond me but whatever. Rock covers but here’s Nick Patrick to pull Hebner out. A Rock Bottom to Patrick is broken up and Austin Rock Bottoms Rock for two. Austin drills Patrick and pulls Hebner back in, only to be sent into him again as Rock counters the Stunner. There’s the Stunner to Rock but there’s no referee. Angle runs in and nails Austin with the title, letting Rock hit the Rock Bottom for the pin and the death of the Alliance. JR to Heyman: “You’re out of work! AGAIN!”

Rating: A. This felt like a main event and was very entertaining too. It runs forty five minutes bell to bell and feels like about half of that. At the end of the day, it was pretty clear what was going to happen but that doesn’t make it a bad match. Rock vs. Austin was pretty much done for a long time after this match, which is the right call as they had run it a lot this year. Great stuff here though.

Everyone celebrates and Vince comes out for the big dramatic pose, because this whole storyline was all about Vince and his kids remember.

Overall Rating: B+. Like I said, as goes the main event, so goes the show. The rest of the show isn’t bad but the main event is over an hour counting buildup video and entrances and all that jazz. The rest of the show isn’t bad at all with a good cage match and nothing truly bad that didn’t involve Trish looking great, so I can’t complain much here. Also, it gets rid of the Alliance which makes things better already.

As for the InVasion, I’ve gone on at great length about it already, but in short form here: it was the biggest waste of time, money, and potential that there ever could be in wrestling. This was the biggest storyline you could possibly ask for and they BLEW IT. There are multiple options you could go with here. One idea is have no mention on TV of the WWF buying WCW and just keep it going with WWF guys in charge behind the scenes. Think a network might have been interested with it being under the direction of the biggest wrestling company ever?

Another option: have the Alliance win. At the end of the day any money they’ve got goes into the WWF’s pocket as they own EVERYTHING, so what difference does it make? Granted that was never going to happen with Vince’s ego, but why let money get in the way of Vince feeling good about himself? The InVasion could have been so much more but it wound up running about five months with the WWF dominating the whole way through. Such a shame and a loss for wrestling fans who had waited for so many years for a chance to have this happen.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Al Snow

Original: C+

Redo: C-

William Regal vs. Tajiri

Original: C

Redo: N/A

Edge vs. Test

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Battle Royal

Original: N/A

Redo: C-

Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline vs. Ivory vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Team WWF vs. Team Alliance

Original: B

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B+

Like I said, as the main event goes, so goes the show. That’s apparently the case here as I liked both better the second time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/10/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2001-the-end-of-the-alliance-thank-goodness/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: April 13, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s another request and like most of them, I have no idea why it’s on my list. We’re on the way to Backlash 2000 but this isn’t the final show before it quite yet. Other than that there isn’t much going on here other than Wrestlemania being over recently, which means that HHH is still champion and is feuding with the Rock. Since it’s 2000, I’ll bet that this show winds up being awesome. Let’s get to it.

Actually I’ve done the Raw before this. Here it is if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/09/24/monday-night-raw-april-10-2000-i-cant-believe-it-but-2000-actually-had-some-bad-shows/

We open with a recap from Raw where Rock beat Boss Man and Bull Buchanan in a cage to earn his title shot at Backlash.

Opening sequence, which is still pretty cool even today.

European Title: Rikishi vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending and only won the title a few days ago. He gives the Mamacita (Chyna) a vase of flowers and makes fun of Rikishi a bit (“WHERE IN THE WORLD IS SAMOA ANYWAY???”). Chyna’s distraction allows Eddie to get in some shots which are promptly no sold. A powerslam gets two for the fat man but he hits the referee on the kickout. He loads up the Banzai, but Chyna hits him in the face with the vase, shattering it. That only gets two for Eddie so he knocks Rikishi to the floor. Chyna cheats AGAIN with a clothesline and still doesn’t get caught, allowing Eddie to hit the slingshot hilo for two.

With no Chyna to help him now, Guerrero goes after the knee. This isn’t that great so far. A Samoan Drop sets up a splash in the corner for Rikishi but Chyna distracts him again to prevent the Stinkface. Eddie dropkicks Big Kish into Chyna, crushing her in the corner. Rikishi no sells the dropkick and superkicks Eddie down before Stinkfacing Chyna. You can feel the STDs spreading just watching that. The Rikishi Driver is loaded up but Chyna hits Rikishi low to FINALLY draw the DQ.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here. Rikishi would rise up the card very fast over the summer, culminating in one of the biggest WHAT WERE THEY THINKING moments in company history as he would turn heel and be revealed as the guy that ran over Austin. Eddie and Chyna did their thing for a few more months before splitting and doing very little else for a good while.

HHH, Shane and Stephanie think they’re going to make Rock’s night a nightmare. Rock arrives in the back and the games are going to begin soon.

Here are the three evil ones from the previous segment to the ring with something to say. Shane reminisces about Rock getting busted open on Raw and is proud to be HHH’s brother in law. They hug it out even though they’re friends, which makes that line incorrect I think. Stephanie says that Vince has a surprise for HHH but who cares about that, because let’s spoil it: Vince wants to be in HHH’s corner when he defends against Rock.

HHH is flattered but doesn’t want Vince there because HHH wants all of the spotlight. Vince can be in the front row though. Gee that’s nice of him. Seriously, HHH’s levels of smug here are great and one of the top reasons he was so awesome back in 2000. Rock can keep coming back time and again but no matter how much blood and sweat he gives up trying, HHH will crush him every time.

Here’s Rock who has something to say (duh). The pop for Rock is absolutely insane and it’s amazing how over he is at this point. HHH cuts him off before Rock starts talking and says they’ll be having the match at Backlash. I love how we need announcements about where matches are going to be when it’s obvious where they’re going to be no matter what.

Rock talks about being beaten down but coming out with the shot and he’s going to be happy to win the title in front of Vince. HHH says Rock lost a lot of blood Monday (not really) and tonight it’s Rock vs. HHH….with respective partners the APA and Boss Man/Buchanan. Rock says it doesn’t matter if this is the best HHH can come up with because he’ll win the title at Backlash. He promises to win the title at Backlash and that’s it. That took fifteen minutes plus somehow.

Earlier today, Al Snow and Steve Blackman went to a retirement home, presumably for a personal appearance. The surprise is that Snow has booked Blackman, the most bland wrestler in the history of bland wrestlers, as a stand up comedian. More on this later apparently.

Hardy Boys vs. Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

This is pretty shortly after the Radicalz debuted and Benoit is IC Champion. Oh and Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion. Matt and Dean start with the Hardy hip tossing the Radical. Matt takes him to the mat but misses a charge in the corner to give the villains control. Off to Benoit who whips Matt into a corner and Dean into Matt but Dean’s charge misses as well. Nice little mirroring bit there. Benoit grabs Matt and starts rolling Germans but the third is blocked. Matt has to take out Malenko (is Jeff asleep or something?) and Benoit dropkicks Matt to the floor.

After a beating from the Ice Man (we’re in the Ice Palace so that fits quite well) on the floor, Matt gets an elbow up to stop a charging Benoit and it’s off to Jeff. It’s also off to Malenko who is immediately taken down and caught by a regular legdrop from Matt and one between the legs by Jeff. Benoit comes back in and tries to powerbomb Jeff but it winds up being a modified Doomsday Device (Benoit as Animal and Dean as Hawk with a powerbomb finish) for no cover as the referee is with Matt.

Benoit comes in and suplexes Jeff down and hits a backbreaker for two. Back to Malenko for a clothesline and some pounding. This is all hard hitting stuff which makes it a lot better. The Radicals take turns hammering away on Jeff and Jeff gets to show off his amazing selling abilities. Benoit drop toeholds Jeff down so Dean can hit a dropkick to the side of his head.

Jeff escapes a German but gets chopped immediately to slow him down. A belly to back superplex by Chris is countered into a cross body for two for Jeff as things speed up a bit. A double tag brings in Matt vs. Dean, with the latter kicking the former’s head off for two. Everything breaks down and the Hardys counter a near collision into Poetry in Motion on Dean. Benoit throws Jeff to the floor and Malenko puts Matt down, but Jeff comes back with the Swanton to Dean’s back, giving Matt the pin.

Rating: B. For a tag match on free TV, this was pretty awesome. The speed of the match was great and they never stopped moving. That whole thing was less than seven minutes and that’s probably twice what I would usually write for a match that long. The Radicalz breathed fresh life into the WWF, which is even better when you consider the WWF didn’t need fresh life in the first place. That’s why 2000 was so great: they had all this talent AND THEY USED IT!

Angle is with Shane in the back and is told that since he was screwed at Wrestlemania, tonight he and Show are getting a tag title shot. Angle leaves and Shane and HHH chuckle.

Hardcore Title: Crash Holly vs. Perry Saturn

Crash is defending. Saturn brings in a barrel of weapons which Crash tries to empty out. Saturn is sent into the steps and we head inside. A headscissors gets two for the champion but Saturn counters a rana attempt into a powerbomb. A trashcan lid to the head gets two for Saturn and we get a short pinfall reversal sequence.

Saturn hits a flapjack and breaks a crutch over Crash’s back. Crash comes back with a tornado DDT for two but a superkick gives Saturn the title. Taz comes out with a cookie sheet to the head to win the title but Crash hits Taz with it to win the title right back and runs away. When Saturn was champion, all four of the Radicals had titles at the same time. This was your usual hardcore mess and not really worth rating. The joke was getting old and would stay that way. Taz and Saturn brawl a bit.

We head back to the nursing home for the actual comedy performance from Blackman. He reads some terrible jokes than only Snow laughs at.

Angle comes out for the tag title match but he has something to say first. He’s going to win the tag titles tonight because Show is all dominant. Here’s Show…as a Scotsman, complete with Roddy Piper music. Scratch that. He’s doing Fat Bastard from Austin Powers 2. After promising to break those “wee fairy sissy boys”, we’re ready to go.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Kurt Angle/Big Show

The champs come through the crowd as is their custom and goes right after Big Show. Considering they combine to weigh what Show had for lunch that day, this goes about as well as you would expect with Christian being picked up in the air and slammed down. Edge tries to come off the middle rope but jumps into a chokeslam which Christian has to break up.

A double headbutt staggers the champions but Angle tags himself in due to Show dancing too much. Angle vs. Christian officially start things off but Edge comes in quickly. Show dances more on the apron while Angle wants a tag, allowing Edge to hit a German for two. Angle suplexes Edge down and yells at Show, resulting in a slap to Show’s face. Show destroys Angle and the champs retain via countout.

Rating: D+. This was all about setting up a story and a PPV match between Show and Angle, meaning the titles here meant nothing at all. To be fair the champs had just won them in the forerunner to TLC so they probably were still healing. Nothing to see here but Show vs. Angle would wind up being absolutely hilarious.

Jericho is in the back and sees two women. He asks if they’ve seen the Godfather, but they’re Stephanie and Tori. Well Stephanie isn’t wearing a bra so she is being kind of hoish. If I remember right, this is what started the long running Jericho vs. Stephanie feud.

Albert vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Albert put Bubba through a table on Raw to set this up. This is when Trish was all about her looks, which she lives up to tonight by wearing a schoolgirl skirt with her outfit. Bubba gets jumped coming into the ring but Albert charges into a boot in the corner. A middle rope shoulder gets two for Bubba but a Trish distraction lets Albert kick Bubba in the face for two of his own. The future Tensai misses a middle rope leg and Bubba kicks him in the face, only to get caught jumping (yes Bubba jumped) into a powerbomb for two. Bubba ducks a clothesline and hits the Bubba Cutter out of nowhere for the pin. Short and surprisingly not terrible.

Post match the Dudleys get beaten up by Test but come back to put Albert through a table to pop the crowd. To put it mildly, Trish’s chest looks awesome here.

Jericho tries to apologize but calls the girls fat. He gets a handicap match as punishment.

Back to the nursing home and he’s getting booed out of the room. Blackman makes a your mama joke and gets cursed out.

Terri Runnels/Fabulous Moolah vs. Mae Young/The Kat

It’s going to suck, it’s not going to be funny, let’s get this over with. The young girls start with Terri tagging in Moolah. The Fabulous one gets slapped in the face by Kat so Kat gets snapmared. Back to Terri for a victory roll which is countered into a rollup by Kat for two. When I say these moves are being done, I mean that in the stretchiest of stretches of the word. Kat and Terri go to the floor where Kat has a glass of water thrown on her, much to King’s delight.

The old chicks come in and have a MUCH better match than the young girls. Moolah is 76 and Mae is 77 at this point. Moolah monkey flips Mae a few times and everything breaks down. Mae and Kat hit stereo Bronco Busters before Kat spears Moolah down and a Mae elbow gets the pin.

Rating: S. As in seriously or screw this or shame on whoever thought this was a good idea to do. You do not have women in their mid-70s out there doing something like this, no matter how sure they are that they can do it. Show some responsibility and say no, this isn’t going to happen. Let them be managers or something like that, but this is ridiculous.

Chris Jericho vs. X-Pac/Road Dogg

Before the match, Jericho says that he insulted Stephanie (Tori is ignored) and he was going to apologize, but since he’s getting screwed, he’s getting his money’s worth. Apparently he and Rock were correct in calling her a ho, but that’s not enough. Stephanie is the filthiest, dirtiest, most disgusting, skankiest, most brutal, bottom feeding trashbag ho he’s EVER seen. And thus two years of feuding are born.

I miss the King of Rock theme DX had at this point. I also miss Tori in those shorts of hers. Roadie starts for his team but Pac tries to sneak in a shot. Jericho tries to fight them both at once but gets spin kicked in the face to take him down. Jericho comes back with a spin kick to Road Dogg but Pac interferes again.

The Bronco Buster misses as do Road Dogg’s dancing punches. The Walls are put on Road Dogg but Pac breaks it up. X-Factor is countered into a powerbomb and the Lionsault gets two on Pac. Chris is rolling now, hitting all of his signature stuff. Tori gets in and is put in the Walls but Road Dogg kicks Jericho into the X-Factor for the pin. Too short to rate but this was very fast paced while it lasted.

Shane EXPLODES on Hebner in the back for mistakes he’s made. He didn’t do anything tonight that I can think of. Hebner is on probation now.

Blackman apparently pulled nunchucks on an 84 year old woman. Bad timing here.

Here’s Stephanie with some chick in pink. Stephanie talks about how hot the Divas, led by her, are. The chick is apparently her new personal trainer Muffy. This is one of two appearances Muffy would make before disappearing and never being referenced again.

The APA won’t tell Rock if they’ve been paid off or not.

Acolytes/The Rock vs. Bull Buchanan/Big Boss Man/HHH

Rock and Boss Man start things off with Rocky sending both him and Buchanan to the floor so he can stare down HHH. Boss Man saves the Game (drives me crazy when I forget to do that) and it’s off to HHH who is punched in the face. HHH comes back with a knee to the face and brings Buchanan in again, which goes about as well as you would expect Bull to do against Rock.

Off to the APA for a double spinebuster on Buchanan and a top rope shoulder for two for Bradshaw. Bull comes back and kicks Bradshaw down before it’s off to Farrooq. A Shane distraction gives Bull the advantage again and it’s off to Boss Man. After some double teaming, here’s HHH to stomp Farrooq down in the corner. Earl Hebner breaks it up, causing Shane to freak out. Earl BLASTS Shane and HHH snaps, allowing Farrooq to make the comeback. That goes nowhere but Rock breaks up a Pedigree attempt, giving Farrooq the chance to tag Rock.

The Great One goes off on HHH with punches and the high impact clotheslines. Everything breaks down as Rock loads up the Rock Bottom. After some brawling, it’s only HHH left against all three guys. The fans freaking out over HHH’s impending destruction is great. Unfortunately it doesn’t happen because DX runs in for the big brawl and the match is thrown out somewhere in there.

Rating: C-. This was your usual main event tag match with a screwy ending. The fans were erupting for any sign of fighting between HHH vs. Rock, which is why it was even better when the title match at Backlash was great stuff. There’s a reason this was the top feud for years in the company and it never gets old. The other guys being there didn’t help anything though.

Rock Rock Bottoms Shane through the announce table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Just like Monday there wasn’t anything great here but this was a better show with some better matches. Announcing the title match always makes things feel bigger and this was no exception. 2000 was a great time for the company but it wouldn’t really hit its stride for a few more weeks. After Backlash though it’s great stuff (save for King of the Ring) until the end of the year. Watchable show here but nothing great at all.

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