Main Event – January 25, 2018: They Picked A Side

Main Event
Date: January 25, 2018
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness

And you thought the Manhattan Center was going to be forgotten. With one of the biggest episodes in the history of Monday Night Raw and the go home show for the Royal Rumble, this show could look very different compared to the regular weeks. That’s not to say it’ll be bad, but expect some flashbacks to nostalgia. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Goldust vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins hides in the ropes to start but Goldust takes his deep breath and spits it back out in Hawkins’ face. Just like last week, Hawkins lays down and offers a pin, even raising his own leg. The small package attempt has Nigel SHOCKED at Curt’s attempt at cheating because Nigel is good on that front. A chinlock doesn’t get Hawkins very far as Goldust hits his uppercut from the knees into a rollup for the pin at 3:28.

Rating: D. What in the world does it mean when you’re losing to an uppercut into a rollup? Hawkins is finding new ways to lose but he’s around so often that he’s kind of grown on me. There almost has to be a payoff of some sort and that could be a very fun moment when it finally happens. Nothing match of course, but it’s just Main Event.

Here’s the big history package from Raw 25. Still awesome.

From Raw.

Back in the arena, Stephanie introduces Vince, who absolutely has to be here for the opening sequence. Vince nearly dances in the ring and says twenty five years is quite the accomplishment. The fans chant THANK YOU VINCE (which Stephanie explains to him) but Vince says enough of that and we’re off to the festivities. Vince goes to leave but Stephanie and Shane have a present for him.

They have a plaque commemorating his twenty five years of Raw….and he’s not happy. Vince goes on a rant about it being cheap and how plaque is the horrible stuff on the people of Brooklyn’s teeth. There’s only one person who should be thanked for all of this and that’s Vince himself. As he goes off about how great he is……the glass shatters.

After Austin does his usual entrance, Vince praises Austin’s look but says he’s had his own share of health problems. His bones are broken and brittle and he has arthritis and he even lives in a retirement home. Vince: “But my son Shane is in his prime!” Austin raises Shane’s hand and gives him a Stunner to the delight of the fans. Vince produces beers and the fans chant ONE MORE TIME! Vince: “I don’t think Shane can take another one!” They drink their beer and hug but Austin looks at Vince, followed by one more Stunner for old times’ sake. For some reason Shane gets up and takes one more Stunner.

From Raw again.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is challenging. They take their time to start until Reigns pops him with a right hand. The Miztourage offers a distraction though and Miz sends him into the steps as we take a break. Back with Reigns hitting the corner clotheslines, followed by a running big boot. The apron dropkick connects but the spear is countered into a rollup for two with the feet on the ropes. The YES Kicks keep Roman in trouble but the big kick is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Another apron dropkick takes the Miztourage out and Reigns slips out of the Skull Crushing Finale for another Superman Punch. Bo Dallas grabs the foot though and Miz hits his corner clothesline. That means a double ejection but Reigns hits them one more time, allowing the Skull Crushing Finale to connect for two. Back up and Reigns tries the spear but hits an exposed turnbuckle pad. The Skull Crushing Finale makes Miz an eight time champion at 13:13. A replay shows that Miz got the pad off when Reigns was beating up the Miztourage for a nice surprise.

Rating: C. This was a booking decision more than anything else and there’s nothing wrong with that. The loss lets Reigns drop the title before he wins the Universal Title at Wrestlemania (THIS TIME FOR SURE!) and the win gives Miz something else to do, especially now that he’s less than three months away from the most combined days as champion (and only one reign behind Chris Jericho’s record).

Kalisto/Gran Metalik vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher

TJP charges at Metalik to start and gets chopped in the chest. A springboard armdrag is enough to sent TJP crawling over to Jack ala Eddie Guerrero. Jack sends Metalik into the corner and we take a break. REALLY? Back with Kalisto coming in for a hurricanrana driver on TJP. Metalik drops the elbow and the Metalik Driver is good for the pin at 6:04. Not enough shown to rate but they were REALLY rushing here.

We get some quick clips of AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens from Smackdown.

We’ll close it out from Raw.

Angle brings out all of the legends and people from the poker game to surround the ring for the closing segment as we go to a break at 11:03. Back with Angle bringing out Braun Strowman and Kane, who are held apart by a lot of the wrestlers. Paul Heyman comes out and introduces Brock Lesnar for a fight. Here’s Brock…and everyone but Kane and Strowman bail in fear. Brock runs over Strowman and hits an F5 on Kane but Strowman is back in to knock Lesnar to the floor. The running powerslam through the announcers’ table plants Lesnar to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was the VERY shortened version of Monday’s show and seemed to focus a lot more on Sunday than this past week’s show. That’s not a bad thing as it seemed a lot more focused than the big show on Monday. It’s still not good or anything due to the lame original matches, but the stuff from Monday, especially the video package, is worth seeing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – August 25, 2003: It’s Like the Attitude Era But Boring

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 25, 2003
Location: Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Summerslam and HAHA HHH is still World Champion thanks to a sledgehammer to Goldberg’s head. That’s pretty much all we have on the less important story, but we do have Shane McMahon still wanting to fight Kane. Now though, Eric Bischoff has the Coach as his backup, which was arguably the second biggest Raw story coming out of last night’s show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Goldberg being destroyed after losing in the Chamber last night. Just in case you had forgotten that HHH and Evolution were the strongest forces in the universe you see. We even get BONUS footage of Goldberg being carried out.

Here’s Goldberg to open things up. JR: “Goldberg’s career was destroyed by Evolution last night.” They’re certainly hammering in the HHH > Goldberg idea so far and we’re not even four minutes into the show. Goldberg says the title belongs to him and he wants to face HHH for said title right here tonight.

HHH takes his shirt off and Flair seems to enjoy rubbing his bicep quite a bit. He doesn’t even see Goldberg as one of the top five guys in this industry. Last night HHH proved that he was the best in the world today (Flair points out the best body as a bonus). Goldberg guarantees that he’s coming for the belt, whether he has to follow HHH to his home or even into his sleep.

As you make your Nightmare on Elm Street jokes, Goldberg promises to win the title. HHH lists off all the names that he’s beaten and wonders why Goldberg thinks he’s any better. Goldberg: “I’M GOLDBERG!” Really that’s all he needs to say, but this is WWE, where Goldberg needs to have a personality.

The match is set for Unforgiven but Goldberg has to put his career on the line. That means he’s done and doesn’t go to “some second rate promotion like Smackdown”. Goldberg quickly agrees and promises to make this HHH’s funeral. They actually kept this a bit shorter and it got its point across: HHH rules the world and Goldberg is lucky enough to get to be in it for the time being.

Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim

Gail jumps her during the entrances and chokes Trish with her coat. They get in for the opening bell with Gail breaking up a sunset flip and getting in a shot to the face for two. We hit the early chinlock and even a belly to back suplex doesn’t break it up. Back up and Trish gets in a whip to the corner, only to charge into a boot.

We’re back to the chinlock (I get the idea of sticking close to the veteran but this is ridiculous) so Trish rams her into the corner. Gail reverses to something like a dragon sleeper but Trish climbs the corner into a near Sliced Bread #2 for the real break. Back up and Trish wins a slugout and scores with the Chick Kick for two. The Chick Kick is enough to pin Gail.

Rating: D. The ridiculous levels of chinlocking here really held things down but it’s better than Gail’s variety of hurricanranas. These women still need personalities as other than Trish, we barely know anything about them. Gail is a heel now….why? Molly at least has the title but as soon as she loses that, what else is there that sets her apart? Let them talk or give them some vignettes or something but develop the division (Does three people make a division?) somehow.

Post match Molly comes in and knocks Trish down before glaring at Gail.

We look back at Eric Bischoff implying that he slept with Linda McMahon last week.

Post break Molly chokes Gail. After mentioning that she got Gail into the company (see, that’s a detail that tells us ANYTHING about Gail, which is more than we’ve gotten to date) and they need to team up and take out Trish. Gail agrees.

Here are Teddy Long and Rodney Mack to announce the newest member of Thuggin N Buggin Enterprises. Therefore, here’s the newest member to team with Mack.

Rodney Mack/Mark Henry vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak

Aside from a match on Heat, this is Henry’s first WWE match since October. Garrison shoulders Mack down to start as I still try to figure out why a wrestler is named Garrison Cade. Mack runs him over as well and grabs an early chinlock (we’ve seen enough of that tonight). That lasts as long as you would expect and it’s off to Jindrak for the big dropkick, followed by a run up the ropes into a spinning clothesline.

That’s enough for Henry, who comes in and tosses people like villagers in a King Kong movie. Jindrak gets to the top for another clothesline but gets pulled out of the air for the World’s Strongest Slam and the pin. Henry was impressive here, but the longevity is all that matters. Well that and backing the Mack.

Lance Storm is annoyed at Goldust for sending him into the women’s locker room and leaving a woman there for him to find (not shown on last week’s show). Goldust calls something a healthy relationship and we look down at Minidust enjoying Storm’s leg. Rosey of all people comes in to ask about a disturbance.

Storm doesn’t have time to listen but a production worker (who is played by Jessie from Tough Enough II) mentions that there was a man in the ring with a gun. Rosey runs off to stop him but Hurricane comes in and finds out that it was a t-shirt gun. Putting the comedy together might be the right idea, though Rosey and Hurricane are much funnier.

During the break, Rosey attacked the t-shirt guy but Hurricane came in to ask him whatsupwithdat. And that’s it. Quite the anticlimactic ending when we had a midget, a gun, a Tough Enough cameo and two superheroes.

Video on the Rundown (I liked that movie), which is of course edited off the Network.

Steve Austin recaps the Coach joining Bischoff last night, earning himself a beating in the process (of course altering the reality a bit, much to the fans’ delight). A banged up Bischoff comes in and wants to hear the truth. Since Coach did the right thing, tonight he’s going to be named Employee of the Month tonight. Austin better stay out too.

La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. Dudley Boyz

This is fallout from last night where Conway (the serviceman from last week and last night who now officially has a name) cost the Dudleys the Tag Team Titles. Lillian has a hard time keeping track of all the names because she’s not the most competent announcer in the world. Before the match, Conway introduces himself and blames the Americans for being too ignorant to get why France is amazing.

This war against “terrorism” is ridiculous and the people are following him like sheep. Conway talks about how we need to pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan and treat the French with respect. See, the Americans are the REAL terrorists. As usual, this has been your moment of patriotism beating you over the head.

Spike is the only Dudley to come to the ramp as Bubba and D-Von come in from the crowd for the sneak attack. Jerry talks about how much he love France, such as Pepe Le Pew being his favorite cartoon character (Does that really surprise anyone?). Spike gets in a Dudley Dog on Conway and brings in Bubba for the house cleaning as this isn’t seeming to have a ton of time. Dupree takes 3D and the Dudley Dog drops Grenier. Bubba tosses Spike onto Dupree but Conway gets in a belt shot to put Bubba away in a hurry. In other words, this story must continue. For AMERICA you see.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel, now with the end of Saliva’s King of My World as the theme song. Jericho is banged up but is gutting it out here. Last night he would have won but it was Goldberg getting in his way. That brings him to his guest, but first he needs to explain the rather horrible Bischoff and Linda segment from last week. We see the clip again and it’s no less creepy this time around. Jericho refers to Linda’s noises as she tried to get away as “hot stuff”.

This week’s guest is Linda McMahon, meaning that awesome old Wrestlemania theme. Jericho gets right to the point by asking if she and Bischoff “made it like two Arizona jackrabbits”. Linda says security was there as soon as the cameras went off and Linda is thinking about firing Eric. Well of course she is.

Anyway here’s an annoyed Vince to interrupt. Vince yells at Linda for “deciding” to fire Bischoff without his approval so there will be no repercussions on Bischoff for what he did last week. Linda isn’t a victim because Vince is the only real victim around here. He’s a victim of their failed marriage and what came out of her demon infested womb. It’s Linda’s fault that Stephanie and Shane hate him but Linda thinks he needs psychological help. That’s laughed off but Vince agrees that he might need help dealing with the kids. He feels a lot like Kane because everyone has turned on him too.

This brings out Shane because we don’t have enough drama yet. Shane tells Vince that he can rot but Jericho cuts him off. Jericho sucks up to Vince and punches Shane for showing up without an invitation. Vince makes Jericho vs. Shane for later tonight. This was more McMahon drama and that’s the last thing WWE needs. The McMahons aren’t interesting in such heavy doses and it’s not getting any better when Vince is going back and forth between shows.

We recap the opening segment, just in case you forgot about how great HHH is.

Randy Orton vs. Maven

Shawn Michaels is in Maven’s corner. Orton takes him down without much effort as JR recaps the show to show how horrible it’s been so far. Stereo dropkicks go nowhere so it’s Orton taking over with the backbreaker. Some uppercuts keep Maven in trouble and Orton whips him into the corner so hard that he falls down. Flair gets annoyed at a two count and gets on the apron. Shawn gets up as well, allowing Ric to poke Maven in the eye.

That earns Flair Sweet Chin Music, followed by Orton missing the dropkick. The RKO is broken up as well (with JR mentioning for perhaps the only time ever that RKO are Orton’s initials) and a spinwheel kick takes Orton down. Maven gets shoved into the ropes though and the RKO gets two with Orton pulling him up. Orton hits his own Sweet Chin Music for the pin. You can pencil in Orton vs. Shawn for Unforgiven, which is a win that Orton could really use.

Rating: D+. Maven is a lot better now, to the point where he’s not embarrassing himself anymore in a five minute match. Orton is starting to get the hang of things, but this put too much attention on Flair vs. Shawn, which tends to be a common problem with Orton’s matches. A win over Shawn might help, but it has to be done right.

A lot of staring ensues.

It’s time for the Employee of the Month Award presentation. After a photo opportunity with the plaque (which doesn’t actually say which month the award is for), Coach talks about doing what his boss said, which doesn’t make him a bad guy. Bischoff is the kind of guy who recognizes talent, unlike Austin. Coach was only treated this way because he’s not Austin’s boy, right JR?

We see a clip of JR returning to take Coach’s announcers’ position, which seemed to annoy Coach at the time. Coach isn’t happy that JR wasn’t more thankful or professional and now he wants an apology. As for now though, Coach wants an apology from Austin for last night. Bischoff: “What the h***?” That might seem a bit random, and that would be because he says it before Christian’s music hits for a surprising interruption. Is it really that hard to wait for a cue?

Christian wants an apology for not being on the show last night (preach it brother) so here’s Austin with an envelope in his back pocket. Austin gets straight to the point: Coach couldn’t carry JR’s jockstrap, let alone his job. The envelope contains a sympathy card….in the form of Austin’s middle finger. Good thing Austin had that envelope ready just in case Coach asked him for an apology and he knew what joke he wanted to do.

Coach says the King and a cowboy sound like the Village People so Lawler offers to come take care of him. Christian cuts them off though and wants to know what’s going on. Austin: “You think you’re special?” So the Intercontinental Title, which Austin re-introduced last year and called important, isn’t special? Austin has an idea.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Jerry Lawler

Christian is defending and I need my headache medicine. Coach takes Jerry’s place on commentary and the distraction lets Christian get in a cheap shot. Some right hands get Jerry out of trouble for a few seconds and let’s look at commentary again (Why is that such a common thing around here?). We hit the chinlock with a knee in Lawler’s back and BACK TO COMMENTARY with Coach making fun of the cowboy hat. At least get some fresh material.

JR, for about the eighth time so far: “Let’s call this wrestling match. By the way folks later tonight, Shane McMahon is going to fight Chris Jericho.” Christian gets punched out of the air and more right hands keep him in trouble. Coach makes fun of JR repeating words and Lawler slams Christian off the top. The fist drop has Christian in trouble but Coach leaves commentary to pull Jerry out at two. The chase allows Christian to get a rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: F. This show is somehow getting worse. So now, the Intercontinental Champion, who is not special and not able to get on Summerslam, needs help from COACH to beat a semi-retired wrestler and full time commentator? All in the name of pushing Austin vs. Bischoff in an attempt to recreate Austin vs. McMahon? This was really, really stupid and that’s becoming way too common.

Kane watches Shane come to the ring.

Christian celebrates in the back as Coach does the interview. Austin comes in to make Coach vs. Lawler for next week. Good grief it’s continuing.

Shane McMahon vs. Chris Jericho

Hey look: another non-wrestler. Shane is ready for a cheap shot from behind (because he’s smarter than Jericho) and hits an awkward looking backdrop. A kick to the face has Shane staggered but he’s still able to avoid a charge and put Jericho on the floor. Shane puts him on the timekeeper’s table but Kane’s music and pyro go off for a distraction (no Kane). Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to put Shane on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Jericho chopping away in the corner but diving into a DDT. Again, because Shane is smarter than he is. A clothesline gives Shane two but a jumping enziguri puts him down again. The Lionsault hits knees but Shane gets crotched on top, setting up a superplex. Now it’s Kane coming out for real (I guess he plays mind games now) coming out to chokeslam Shane for what should be a DQ but seems to be a no contest because WWE doesn’t know how wrestling works.

Rating: F. The wrestling was fine, but the booking here is a failure by definition. According to this, Shane McMahon should have been in the Elimination Chamber last night because he can go move for move with Chris Jericho. I know WWE loves Shane but can they at least make it look like he’s just a brawler with some great athleticism who is getting lucky to survive? This was treating Shane like a top level wrestler on Raw, making his matches on pay per view feel a lot less important. As usual, WWE misses the point.

Kane leaves through the crowd with Shane following for a brawl in the back. The fans react to a City of Tuscon sign (“IT SAYS OUR TOWN’S NAME! YAY!”) as Shane catches up with Kane, who slams him back first into a wall over and over. Naturally Kane has a bunch of gas cans ready and he starts a dumpster fire. Kane loads Shane up but gets knocked in instead as we hit the action movie trailer shot of Shane looking at the fire to end the show.

Overall Rating: W. As in wrestling. I figure I might as well make something about it because wrestling doesn’t matter on this show. No, what matters around here is beating patriotism into your head, a story based around sexual assault, Minidust, a stable called Thuggin N Buggin Enterprises, the Intercontinental Champion being a worthless player on the show, burning a man alive and non-wrestlers being the most prominent people on the show.

It’s like the Attitude Era without the interest or energy. The top stories are Austin vs. Bischoff, which also pulls in JR/King vs. Coach and Shane McMahon vs. Kane. Somewhere down there is Goldberg vs. HHH (who is barely a wrestler at the moment due to an injury) in a story that is continuing for reasons that I’m sure HHH can explain to you but doesn’t make much sense to anyone else. This felt like they were running away in the wrong direction and covering their ears from what people wanted to hear, which is one of the scariest things you can see in a wrestling company.

I watch wrestling to see the wrestlers and the stories they’re involved in at the moment. For some reason I’m seeing commentators and a single family (including a bickering couple) dominating the shows while I’m told that the Intercontinental Champion isn’t important enough to be on a show and needs help to beat Jerry Lawler. I thought getting past Summerslam might help, but this was one of the worst episodes of the show I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – January 22, 2018 (25th Anniversary): Tug of War

Monday Night Raw 25^th Anniversary
Date: January 22, 2018
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York/Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a big night with the show having been build up for several months and a slew of guest stars booked for the night. The show is also being run from two arenas, including the location of the first ever episode. I’m more excited for this than I am for Sunday’s Royal Rumble so let’s get to it.

JR and King welcome us from the Manhattan Center, complete with an ICOPRO sign.

The regular announcers’ team welcome us from the Barclays Center.

Shane McMahon and Stephanie McMahon are in the ring to open the show with Stephanie doing that ever present growling introduction. Shane thanks us for being here along with all the people behind the scenes who make this happen. With that, Shane introduces us to the long highlight reel of Raw moments. This was released on the site’s YouTube page and is very awesome with almost every major Raw moment ever.

This was just about the perfect opening as you have to have Vince there for something like this and if there’s Vince, there must be Austin. All those Stunners over the years were a huge part of the show and Austin is arguably the name that more people would associate with Raw than anyone else. This was great and the only way things should have gone to start.

Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax vs. Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka

There’s a big brawl before the bell and Asuka has banged up ribs. She’s still able to kick Sonya to the floor though and we take an early break. Back with Asuka hip attacking half of the villains off the apron before it’s off to Jax vs. Banks. That goes fairly badly for Sasha who gets caught in Alicia’s northern lights suplex for two.

We hit the chinlock until Banks gets double teamed in the corner. Everything breaks down and we take a second break because it’s not like there’s a lot of stuff to get to tonight. Back with Banks grabbing the Bank Statement to make Fox tap at 11:58. The stuff after the break was less than fifteen seconds long.

Rating: C-. This was fine all things considered but at the same time, there’s some other stuff going on tonight that they need to cover. That’s kind of the problem with having this big special on the same night as the go home show for the Rumble. They have to build things up but at the same time they have to get to the big special features. The match was fine, but probably should have been shorter.

Post match Asuka throws her partners over the top in a Sunday preview.

Kurt Angle is in the back when Jonathan Coachman comes in. Coach talks about all the faces he’s seen around here, so cue Harvey Wippleman and the Brooklyn Brawler who offer cigars. Cue Teddy Long for the required dancing. Brother Love comes in (he scared me to death as a kid) and declares love for everyone until Boogeyman comes in, complete with the worms in the mouth…which he hands to Coach. A lot of staring ensues.

In the Manhattan Center, JR and King (who mentions puppies) introduce a nice video package on Undertaker’s greatest Raw moments.

Here’s the Undertaker, with the lights not going out for his entrance in a strange visual (flashback to his original). For twenty five years, he’s buried souls who dared to challenge him and buried them in the cold dark earth. Steve Austin, Mick Foley, his brother Kane have all fallen before the reaper and now, after all this time, they may rest in peace. JR: “Is that a warning?” The music plays again and no one interrupts. I’ll believe it’s over when I don’t see him at Wrestlemania but that seems to be the case at the moment.

We go to the APA’s office with Heath Slater losing all of his money in a poker game as Rhyno shakes his head. Someone comes in and throws some money down….and of course it’s Ted DiBiase. They deal him in and we get the evil laugh. Still the greatest villain of all time for my money.

Here’s are some of the all time greatest General Managers: Johnny Ace (with a red suit and blue tie), William Regal, Eric Bischoff (to a ROAR) and Daniel Bryan. Miz and the Miztourage interrupt though and it’s time for one of the big matches.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Back to the poker game with the Hardys, the Usos, and MVP playing as Slater continues to lose his money.

It’s time for the Peep Show with Christian. He knows a thing or two about being a Tag Team Champion so his guests are Jason Jordan and Seth Rollins. Jordan takes over for Seth and talks about what an honor it is to be here but the crowd won’t let him talk. Jordan eventually talks about Kurt and asks the fans to applaud him. Cue the Bar to say that all the fans are because of them, not all the legends. They’ll be getting the titles back on Sunday and it’s because Jordan sucks. We hit the YOU SUCK song and the brawl is on. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor but Seth’s springboard knee hits Jordan.

Alexa Bliss is annoyed at being asked if she’ll still be champion at Wrestlemania. Charlotte comes in and MY GOODNESS she towers over Alexa. She says Alexa doesn’t have the stature to be champion and Ric Flair himself comes in to say Charlotte is going to be champion until she decides to hang up the robe. Flair appearing was great, though they’re teasing the heck out of one of these two losing before Wrestlemania.

Video on Edge, who isn’t here tonight.

More people are at the poker game, now including Natalya and Titus Worldwide. Heath loses again, this time to Natalya’s queen high flush in hearts. Dana has counted it up: Heath has lost a lot.

Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy

In the Manhattan Center and this match takes place here? Sister Abigail is broken up in the first five seconds as JR tries to figure out what Sister Abigail is. Matt grabs a Russian legsweep and drops the middle rope elbow to the back of the head. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Bray runs him over as we take a break. Back with Matt hitting a running corner clothesline but having his bulldog broken up. The Side Effect gets two on Bray but Sister Abigail is good for the pin on Matt at 5:48. Not enough shown to rate but that’s quite the abrupt loss in the first match between these two.

Back in Barclays, here are some of the greatest female talents ever: the Bella Twins, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Lilian Garcia, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Terri Runnels, Maria Kanellis and of course Trish Stratus as the big name. This group is declared as trailblazers so I have a good laugh as we cut away.

Elias is walking through the back when he runs into Chris Jericho (in an Alpha Club shirt). Chris compliments his scarves and asks if he can play a song he’s written about Elias. He can’t borrow the guitar but worry not because Jericho has his own. The song is about Elias being a stupid idiot and HE JUST MADE THE LIST! Jericho loads up the pen but says he’s kidding. Jericho: “NO I’M NOT! YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!”

Here’s Elias in the ring to talk about how amazing it is that it took Raw twenty five years to find him. WWE stands for Walk With Elias but the fans won’t let him play his song. Elias wants to sing it for the fans but points out Jimmy Fallon in the front row. The song is about the various legends, including talking about how Shawn’s time is passed and Undertaker is a decrepit old man. He’s going to the Royal Rumble but here’s John Cena to interrupt.

Cena asks the crowd if they’re loud now and points out that both he and Brooklyn have balls because there they are (it’s a beach ball in this case). Elias tells him to shut up because the fans are there to see Elias but Cena ruined it. Cena tells him to do something about it but Elias says no and teases leaving. The fight is on of course and Cena hits his finishing sequence but the AA is cut off by a low blow. A guitar to the back leaves Cena laying and Drift Away makes it even better. I’m pleasantly surprised here as this was a very solid rub for Elias who took some of Cena’s best and left him laying. Good stuff here.

New Day is at the poker game now with Woods betting pancakes. Slater FINALLY wins a hand but is accused of cheating. A fight nearly breaks out and Bradshaw says if you want to fight, do it in the ring. Oh I can feel the Revival’s death coming from here. Titus Worldwide and Slater/Rhyno leave but DiBiase wins with a royal flush. As he rakes in the chips, Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Mark Henry is in the back and runs into the Godfather and….some random woman. Godfather brings up Sexual Chocolate but Henry says that was a long time ago. Henry seems to hit on the woman….and it’s Godfather’s wife. Mark smiles and isn’t sure what to think.

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno

Titus chops Rhyno to start before it’s off to Crews vs. Slater with Heath starting in on the arm. A very delayed vertical suplex puts Heath down and we take a break. IN THIS MATCH??? Back with the match being thrown out at 5:40. Again not enough to rate but this seems like a means to an end.

Cue the Dudley Boyz (including Bubba, who was named ROH GM two days ago and D-Von, who looks rather huge) as everyone bails to the floor. Slater gets thrown back inside for What’s Up (with Booker commenting on D-Von’s weight gain). It’s table time of course (with Rhyno pulling the ring skirt back) and the 3D drives Slater through it for good measure. This was a HUGE relief as the Revival wasn’t destroyed for no apparent reason.

AJ Styles is in the back and has his own interviewer: Mean Gene Okerlund. AJ does his best Hogan impression to Gene (AJ: “Sorry I’ve always wanted to do that.”) before talking about facing Kami on Sunday. He has a small window to fight on Sunday but if he does it right, they’ll hear him announced as still being champion. Gene looks confused.

Back to the Manhattan Center and here’s DX for the big reunion. Well just Shawn and HHH to start. Shawn has been hearing people ask HBShizzle what his best moment in the 25 years have been. He can’t remember 25 minutes ago but he does remember something about a big sausage, which HHH cuts him off. Then one time they were all in Christmas stuff but HHH says no again.

Shawn gets annoyed because he used to be the boss of this group but now HHH is the boss of everything so Shawn doesn’t get to do anything anymore. All you have to do to see all those moments again though is sign up for the WWE Network. HHH talks about the fans starting the fire and now they’re here because of him.

We hear about some of the history of DX, including a rare Chyna name drop. HHH talks about going to WCW in a tank (it wasn’t a tank) and starting a war (which had started well over a year prior) but now they’re here because the Manhattan Center is home. They’re not here alone though because here are the New Age Outlaws. Maybe Road Dogg can ruin Raw now.

Dogg does his usual and here’s X-Pac for another surprise (I mean, assuming you didn’t see the graphics all night long). The crowd cuts X-Pac off with a 1-2-3 chant but there’s one more surprise: Scott Hall. Back after a VERY abrupt break with everyone in the ring and Ramon saying Hey Yo. He calls this whole thing too sweet….and here’s Balor Club. They all do too Too Sweet…..and it’s the freaking Revival to get the legends burial.

Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Revival jumps them before the bell and it’s Anderson in early trouble. A headlock is broken up in short order and it’s off to Gallows for the kicks to the head. The Magic Killer ends Dawson clean at 2:00.

Revival goes after DX and takes the finishers, because this worked so well for Damien Sandow. X-Factor, Shake Rattle and Roll, Fameasser, Sweet Chin Music, Pedigree and Coup de Grace, followed by Billy getting in his catchphrase. So glad they had Revival, one of the best teams in a long time, to do this. To be fair they’re wrestlers and we don’t have room for that around here.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was trying to do two things at once and it made them both suffer. There was actually a bit too much wrestling going on and some of those longer matches (which to be fair were only in the first half of the show) were cutting down on time that could have been used for the nostalgia stuff. The problem is you have to do that for the Rumble, leaving less time for the big anniversary material.

The anniversary stuff was fine enough, but it really peaked at the beginning and was kind of downhill from there. Going back to the Manhattan Center was fun, though it really felt like the crowd there got screwed a bit. Other than DX and Undertaker’s short appearance, almost nothing there felt important or special and that’s not a great sign. Throw in the stupid, stupid, STUPID beatdown of Revival (who not only got taken out by the old guys but also lost a clean two minute match) and Terri Runnels/Kelly Kelly apparently being trailblazers and some of this stuff left a lot to be desired.

As for the Rumble build….eh. Once the big names for the Rumble are set, there’s not a lot that can really be done to build to the pay per view. We know all of the main roster women in the Rumble and most of the men are already set so there’s only so much you can do here. What we got was ok, though the triple threat stuff isn’t doing anything for me.

Now there was a lot of good stuff as well, including Miz winning the Intercontinental Title back (thanks for keeping it warm Roman), Elias beating Cena down, the lack of Undertaker vs. Cena being made (though that could change), some of the cameos (Henry and Godfather made me laugh) and of course Austin and Vince. It wasn’t the worst show, but I was expecting a lot more and didn’t get really close to it, which is rather disappointing. Still though, it could have been much worse.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka b. Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax – Bank Statement to Fox

The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Skull Crushing Finale

Bray Wyatt b. Matt Hardy – Sister Abigail

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno went to a double DQ when all four brawled

Anderson and Gallows b. Revival – Magic Killer to Dawson

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

WWE Announces #1 Moment in Raw History

https://wrestlingrumors.net/1-moment-monday-night-raw-history/

Again?

So WWE has put together the top 100 moments in Raw history with the top 25 being voted on by the fans. This Monday a countdown video was released and the top five were:

5. The First Stunner to Vince

4. Chris Jericho Debuts

3. Occupy Raw

2. Pipe Bomb

1. Austin and the Beer Truck

I’m kind of stunned that the Pipe Bomb was allowed to be mentioned but it had to be on there. The beer truck….ok I guess, but it never struck me as being head and shoulders above everything. Actually it was the beer truck that was also voted the #1 moment at the ten year anniversary.

I’d have gone with Foley winning the title for the first time. It’s emotional, memorable, entertaining and FREAKING LOUD. That one sticks with a lot of people and almost every big name in the company is right there for it.

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2002: Time To Play For HHH

Royal Rumble 2002
Date: January 20, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,915
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the first step to things falling downhill, as we’re a few months away from the Brand Split and things falling through the floor in quality. The main event tonight aside from the Rumble is Jericho defending his newly won Undisputed Title (which he won by beating the Rock and Steve Austin IN THE SAME NIGHT in case you didn’t know that) against Rock. HHH is back in the ring tonight also (he may have fought on Smackdown before this but I don’t think he did) so let’s get to it.

The opening video has clips of various Rumble wins in a photo album kind of theme. The theme for this year’s show is 30 Men, 1 Winner. I’ve heard worse ideas which we’ll get too very soon.

Tag Titles: Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Dudley Boys

I LOVE Stacy as the Duchess of Dudleyville. I never remember her looking better. Anyway, Spike and Tazz are defending here in a reign that I don’t think anyone ever remembers. The Dudleys beat up Spike recently so he’s in a neck brace. The Dudleys attack to start and hit the belly to back neckbreaker on Tazz on the floor. It’s Bubba vs. Spike to start things off in a handicap match for all intents and purposes. Bubba rips the neck brace off and drops a big elbow.

Bubba shouts at Spike to get up as we get a very nice shot of Stacy. Tazz is back on the apron as D-Von hits a Hennig necksnap of all things. Bubba loads up a second brainbuster on Spike but gets countered into a Dudley Dog for no cover. The tag to Tazz is missed so Spike has to take a double flapjack instead. Spike avoids a headbutt from D-Von and makes the Dudleys clothesline each other. Hot tag brings in Tazz to clean house with suplexes. A big boot to Bubba’s head sets up a top rope cross body by Spike for two. Stacy interferes and gets put in the Tazmission. D-Von gets caught in the same hold and the champions retain.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what the point of this being on PPV was as it barely broke five minutes. Nothing with Stacy in the Dudley attire can be bad, but this came about as close as you can get. Actually scratch that as it wasn’t so much bad but just short. I have no idea why this wasn’t on Raw or something like that. Tazz would be retired very soon after this due to a horrible neck.

We immediately go to a recap of Regal vs. Edge which is based on Regal using brass knuckles over and over again. Edge got fed up with it and beat up a lot of people with a chair.

Edge has a chair with him tonight to counter the knuckles. Apparently he broke Regal’s nose recently.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

Edge is defending. The referee checks Regal over and over again for knuckles and finds them in his trunks. Well you can’t say he didn’t do his job. The referee stupidly puts them on the ring post instead of like, giving them to someone to take to the back or something. Edge pounds away to start and chokes with his boot in the corner. He goes after Regal’s bad nose as Lawler claims conspiracy.

Regal comes back with a clothesline but Edge kicks him in the back to put both guys down. Being the British dude that he is, Regal suplexes Edge down for two. Make that four. Uh six. Yet somehow that isn’t three. Off to an arm trap chinlock followed by a hard forearm to put the champion down again. A double arm powerbomb hits Edge for two and they head to the apron. Edge busts out a DDT onto said apron, further injuring Regal’s nose.

Back in and they ram heads to put both guys down as the match continues to drag at a slow pace. Edge wins a slugout and takes Regal down with a spinwheel kick and a suplex for two. Regal suplexes him down as well, only for Edge to hit a big old clothesline for two more. The Regal Stretch goes on out of nowhere but Edge reverses into a terrible version of his own to no avail. A top rope spinwheel kick puts Regal down but he finds another set of brass knuckles. Instead of swinging them though, he pulls the referee in the way of Edge’s spear. Regal clocks Edge and wins the title.

Rating: D+. This didn’t click at all. Regal didn’t seem interested in selling at all and Edge wasn’t ready to carry a match by himself yet. He was getting to the point where he could but it would take a summer of feuding with Eddie to get him up to that point. Regal wouldn’t really do anything with the belt other than lose it to RVD. Nothing to see here.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jacqueline is referee for absolutely no apparent reason and Trish is defending. Jazz is basically being a bully and has injured Trish’s hand coming into this. Jazz jumps Trish to start but misses a splash, giving Trish two off a rollup. A modified hot shot slows the champ down again and a legdrop gets two. Jazz works on the bad hand for a bit but Jackie pulls them out of the ropes. Jackie of course makes it all about herself and won’t count a cover on Trish. Stratusfaction hits out of nowhere for two and Jazz is up a few seconds later, basically no selling it. Trish hits a bad looking running bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. It was short, it was sloppy, the ending was stupid and Jackie was in it. What other kind of grade do you expect here? Stratus was starting to get better but it would take another year and Lita before she got amazing. Jazz was a pretty stupid pick to bring over to WWE as no one remembered her and she didn’t have the looks to back up any lack of hype. Bad match here.

Flair says he’ll win.

We recap Vince vs. Flair. Flair debuted after Survivor Series as the new co-owner of the company and has driven Vince crazy since. This led up to a street fight tonight between the two of them tonight which isn’t as big a deal as they were shooting for I don’t think. The highlight of it was Vince dressing up as Flair and saying destroying lives turned him on.

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Remember this is a street fight. Vince shoves him down to start and struts, so Flair punches him down and struts as well. Flair wins a chop battle in the corner (duh) so Vince goes to the eyes to escape. There’s the Flair Flop followed by a Flair Flip in the corner as Vince is in full control. We head to the floor and get our first weapon shot, with Vince pounding on Ric with a metal Keep Off sign.

There’s a trashcan shot to the head and Flair is busted open. How thin must the skin on his forehead be? Anyway, Vince steals a camera from someone to take a picture of Flair’s cut before we head back inside. Since he’s a jerk, Vince starts working over the knee in (less skilled) Flair fashion. The leg is wrapped around the post and Vince puts on a Figure Four that Dusty Rhodes would be jealous of.

Flair turns the hold over and Vince IMMEDIATELY lets go of the hold. So not only is he better at it than some wrestlers, he’s also smart. Never let it be said that Vince doesn’t know what he’s doing. Vince bails to the floor and grabs a lead pipe that he used to bust Flair open in the build up to the match. Flair catches him coming in with a low blow and pounds away on the floor.

Vince takes a monitor shot to the head and in a weird spot, we see a replay on the monitor on the table as the live match goes on. Vince is busted open now and we head back inside. Scratch that as we go back outside immediately where Flair’s family takes pictures of Vince’s cut. Set it up earlier, pay it off later. Good move. Back in and Flair kicks him low again just because he can, cracks him in the head with the pipe and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this match makes as much sense as almost anything you’ll see. Vince controlled at the beginning, but at the end of the day he’s a boss and Flair is a veteran wrestler and athlete. It makes sense for him to be able to shrug that off and destroy Vince with relative ease once he got the upper hand. On top of that we got some good blood and Vince getting hit in the balls so how can this not be entertaining?

Stephanie talks trash about everyone else in the Rumble and runs down Debra as well. Austin walks up and WHAT’s her away. Cole gets a bit of it too. This is when the bit was brand new and still kind of funny, as opposed to now when it ruins almost every serious promo.

No highlight package for the world title match? For those of you not around in 2002 (LUCKY!), Jericho won the title in December, beating Rock along the way. It makes sense for Rock to get the first shot, especially since they feuded over the end of the year.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho still has both titles because HHH wasn’t there to win the first Undisputed Title and get the new belt. Rock decks him immediately and the champ heads to the floor, only to run back in and get punched some more. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post but pulls off a hot shot out of nowhere to give himself a breather. They trade strikes in the corner before Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to Rocky’s arms for two.

A suplex gets two for Jericho and for some reason Rock’s left thumb is sticking out. The champ unhooks a buckle but can’t get the Walls. A missile dropkick gets two on Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes on for a good while so Chris goes up again, only to get crotched and superplexed. A belly to belly suplex gets two for Rock but Jericho clotheslines him down and hits the Lionsault. Due to high reasons of arrogance, Jericho waits forever to cover and fights with the referee after getting two.

Another dropkick attempt by Jericho is caught in a Sharpshooter, but here’s Lance Storm for a distraction while Jericho taps. Christian comes in as well and is promptly punched out by Rock. Jericho hits a Rock Bottom on Rock for two and the frustration begins. The champ loads up a People’s Elbow but Rock nips up and sends Jericho out to the floor.

Both guys are rammed into both announce tables before Jericho’s Rock Bottom attempt is countered into an AWESOME looking Rock Bottom by Rock from one table through the other. That only gets two back inside before Jericho counters another Rock Bottom into the Liontamer (yes I said Liontamer instead of the Walls). Ok now it’s the Walls, which allows Rock to make the rope.

The jumping clothesline takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Jericho to blast Rock with the belt. Another referee slides in and gets two off that and Rock DDTs Jericho down. Rock covers….and Nick Patrick won’t count. There’s a Rock Bottom for his efforts and a People’s Elbow for Jericho but there’s no referee. Rock checks on Hebner, allowing Jericho to hit him low, send him into the Chekov’s Gun in the shape of an exposed turnbuckle. All that plus a rollup with his feet on the ropes is enough for Jericho to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took awhile to get going but once things picked up it turned into what you would expect from Rock vs. Jericho in a nearly 20 minute match. The overbooking worked here as Jericho needed something to boost him up to Rock’s level, which is what you’re supposed to do as a heel. Good stuff here and a very fine title match.

Shawn Michaels, in a really stupid looking Texas flag shirt, is at WWF New York. He picks Taker or Austin to win the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble. The main picks to win are Taker, HHH, Angle and Austin.

Royal Rumble

Rikishi and Goldust are #1 and #2 respectively and we’ve got two minute intervals. Goldie walks around Rikishi to start and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Rikishi knocks him around for a bit but can’t quite drop the big load on Goldie’s chest. A backdrop puts Goldust on the apron and Boss Man is #3, making it 2-1 against Rikishi. Goldust gets punched in the face but Boss Man pounds Rikishi into the corner. The heels explode after a long one minute partnership.

Bradshaw is #4 and hopefully he can pick things up a bit. He beats up everyone as Rikishi loads up the Stinkface on Boss Man. A superkick and a clothesline put Boss Man out and there’s a Samoan Drop to Bradshaw. Goldie pounds away on Bradshaw in the corner and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Lance Storm is #5 and absolutely nothing of note happens until Al Snow (on Tough Enough at this point) is #6. Bradshaw kills Storm with the Clothesline as the fans want Head.

Billy of Billy and Chuck is #7 and we’re still waiting on something to happen. The fans are still into this at least so it’s not a failure at this point. Storm and Snow fight to the apron with Snow superkicking Lance to an elimination. Billy dumps Bradshaw and Undertaker is finally #8 to pick things up a bit. A chokeslam kills Billy (the third in the series, not starring Uma Thurman) and another one puts out Goldust. Snow and Rikishi are dumped out and Billy follows them, leaving Undertaker alone to a big reaction. He’s evil here in case you’re not up on Taker history.

Matt Hardy is #9, which is interesting as Taker injured both Hardys and Lita. The redhead gets in along with Matt and helps him take the big man down via a low blow. Matt hits a Twist of Fate and stomps away but can’t get Taker out. Naturally Jeff Hardy is #10 because that’s how the TOTALLY RANDOM draw works in the Rumble.

Taker slugs down one of the best tag teams ever in just a few seconds, only to get caught in the Twist/Swanton combo. Again, why would you use moves that keep a giant on the mat? Not that it matters as Poetry in Motion is caught and Jeff is easily thrown out. The Last Ride kills Matt and he’s gone too, leaving Taker alone again. The clock during that segment was REALLY long too as they were roughly three minutes each to get the whole segment in.

Maven from Tough Enough is #11 but Lita is on the apron. Taker PUNCHES her down, drawing the Hardys back in. Taker dumps both of them again, but Maven dropkicks Undertaker in the back and eliminates him in arguably the biggest surprise elimination ever in the Rumble. The look on the Dead Man’s face is hilarious as he has absolutely no emotion at all. He calmly turns around, gets back in the ring, and mauls Maven, sending him through the ropes to the floor. A HUGE chair shot cracks Maven’s head and the beating continues until Scotty 2 Hotty is #12.

Taker punches Scotty down and throws Maven back in to eliminate him, which under old Rumble rules would count. The beating goes into the crowd as there’s nothing in the ring at the moment. Christian is #13 but has no one to fight because Scotty is still down. Instead we go to the back where Maven is rammed face first into a popcorn machine. Taker eats a handful of popcorn and finally leaves Maven alone.

Scotty gets in and walks into a DDT as DDP is #14. Nothing of note continues to happen until Scotty superkicks Page through the ropes to the floor and hits the Worm on Christian. Page sneaks back in and throws Scotty out as Chuck is #15. They all beat on each other for a bit with Christian and Chuck teaming up for a bit. Godfather, now the owner of an escort service in an attempt to salvage the gimmick, is #16 and brings out 12 good looking women with him. Page is eliminated off camera during this.

With Godfather in the ring after about 15 seconds due to dancing, Albert is #17. He’s the Hip Hop Hippo at this point and lasts about 45 seconds before being tossed by the villains. Godfather is dumped soon thereafter, and here’s Saturn at #18. Chuck and Perry slug it out as the fans cheer for the Ho’s leaving. Nothing happens again, until Austin is #19. Chuck is the first victim, getting stomped down in the corner. There goes Christian, Saturn gets a Stunner, Chuck is eliminated, Saturn is dumped, Christian gets thrown back in, Stunned and thrown out again, Chuck gets the same as Christian, and Austin takes a breather.

Val Venis is #20 (and also returning) and things go about as you would expect, although Val does get in some offense and survives until Test is #21. A double teaming lasts for a bit until Austin remembers who he’s fighting and dumps both guys in a few seconds. Austin does his watch bit when no one is in the ring with him. Notice the difference between the big stars and the regular guys: the big ones are CONSTANTLY trying to keep the audience entertained instead of letting them die.

Speaking of entertaining the crowd, HHH is #22. The entrance takes about a minute and a half, they stare at each other for about twenty more seconds, and the slugout only lasts for a few seconds until Hurricane is #23. Luckily for him, the legends knock each other down so Hurricane can tries a double chokeslam. The look on Austin’s face is hilarious as the two of them dump Hurricane with ease.

Austin and HHH chop each other in the corner until Faarooqq is #24 and lasts about that many seconds. Mr. Perfect makes a surprise return at #25 to a big surprise reaction from the audience. He looks a bit, shall we say, tipsy here. Perfect chills on the floor a bit as JR makes a mistake, saying Perfect debuted at the Rumble in 1993. In reality he was #4 in 1989. Austin and HHH double team Perfect to no avail so here’s Angle at #26, drawing the rare double chant of YOU SUCK WHAT.

HHH and Angle pair off as do the other two guys and the match slows down a bit. Kurt starts suplexing people but can’t dump HHH because Austin makes the save due to reasons of a big ego. Big Show is #27 in his one piece women’s swimsuit. Angle gets chokeslammed so Austin and HHH double team the big man to limited avail. HHH saves Angle, presumably because he wants Kurt’s help to get Show out. Makes sense I guess.

Show dominates everyone until Kane is #28. HHH gets chokeslammed so we can have our battle of the giants. Jerry: “They’re not getting any smaller are they JR?” Uh yeah Jerry, actually they are. They do the double chokeslam spot but Kane kicks Show low and picks him up, slamming him to the floor. AWESOME display of strength there, but Angle immediately dumps Kane to get us back down to four.

Van Dam is #29 and hits a Five Star on Angle who is down from something we didn’t see. Everyone but HHH gets kicked down so he hits a Pedigree to put Van Dam down. Booker T is #30, giving us a final group of Booker, RVD, Angle, Perfect, HHH and Austin. Booker throws out RVD without having to do anything else thanks to the Pedigree. We get a Spinarooni, followed by a Stunner and elimination to get us down to Austin, Angle, HHH and Perfect.

Austin hits a slingshot into the post on HHH who walks into an Angle Slam. Angle rolls some Germans on Austin and the C/Kurts try to dump Austin. Austin hits some HARD right hands to break that up but as he tries to dump Perfect, Angle runs up and dumps the Rattlesnake. Austin pulls Perfect to the floor but Kurt sends Austin into the steps to break it up. Steve still isn’t done as he comes back in with a chair for all three guys. Eh he’s Austin so he can get away with it.

Angle accidentally clothesline Hennig but doesn’t eliminate him. There’s the PerfectPlex (BIG pop for that) to Kurt but HHH dumps Perfect a second later. Angle and HHH stare each other down and the Game pounds away on him to take over. Kurt gets HHH to the apron but can’t get the win. HHH chokes away but charges into a backdrop, sending him to the apron. Kurt makes the classic mistake of not making sure the other guy is out and gets clotheslined to the floor, giving HHH the Rumble. For you trivia guys, this is the longest Rumble ever to date, even going 11 seconds longer than the 40 man version.

Rating: C+. This has some very bad spots in it but the rest of the stuff is solid all around. Once Austin gets in there things pick up a lot, but the 18 guys before him don’t do much. Taker’s elimination came too fast which hurt things here, as there was no one of note from #9 until Austin at #19. Still though, the good stuff here was good enough to check this out, but you might want to fast forward some parts of it.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good but certainly not great show. 2002 was a bad year for the company on Raw and things were clearly starting to look weak here. The main problem was the lack of elevation of anyone new to the main event in the year, as the main events for almost every PPV were people who had been there before. There’s nothing on here that’s required viewing but there’s also nothing terrible on here either. Check it out but don’t expect to be blown away.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Billy and Chuck

Original: C-

Redo: D+

William Regal vs. Edge

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. The Rock

Original: B+

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Yep, about the same for the most part here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/21/royal-rumble-count-up-2002-game-on/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – August 11, 2003: This Show Cascades To and Fro And Is Still Bad

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 11, 2003
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

The slow crawl towards Summerslam continues and now we have an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw main event. Why anyone would want that is beyond me, but we also have Shane McMahon as the big hero of the show, fighting off the evil monster known as Kane. Other than that though, the show is looking pretty rough. Let’s get to it.

On a side note, the show is now officially airing on SpikeTV instead of TNN.

Opening sequence.

Some pyro goes off signaling the network now being called SpikeTV. It’s a better name and at least they don’t waste any time on it.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to brag about beating Shane last week, even having Lillian Garcia announce him as the winner again. After looking at a clip of the ending, Eric sucks up to the McMahon Family, calling Linda a “big breasted mature woman”. The only member he doesn’t respect is Shane, who is only here because of his last name. Shane is the Frank Sinatra Jr. of WWE (I’m hoping that’s a topical joke because otherwise it’s really just bad).

Instead here’s the perfectly fine looking (save for a limp) JR to interrupt and mock Bischoff for throwing his weight around. He understands how important Kane is to this company though, which is why he’s only going to sue Bischoff. Eric immediately fires Coach from his commentary spot so JR can have his spot back but here’s Austin with a clipboard to interrupt.

After shaking JR’s hand, Austin says he has a contract drawn up to help settle some differences. Austin whispers something to JR and then gets to the point: JR won’t sue if Bischoff has a match tonight. Bischoff turns down a match with Shane so JR tells him to call a lawyer. That’s enough to convince Eric to sign…..a contract to face Kane tonight. Read the contract buddy.

So yeah, after watching last week’s show focusing on Bischoff wrestling, the next week’s show is the exact same thing. Let me guess: Lawler is going to be elated over this all night long. Also, Kane unmasked on June 23, took out Rob Van Dam, lit JR on fire, tombstoned Linda, and this is going to be his first actual match. After all that work building him up, they haven’t actually done anything with him aside from using him as a chess piece in a story involving Bischoff.

The problem right now is between Austin, Bischoff, JR, Kane, Shane and Van Dam, I’m not sure what the big story is. In theory it’s Kane vs. Shane down the line, but first we have to get through Kane vs. Van Dam. Rob would have been a good first victim a few weeks back, but that never even started.

Then there’s the Bischoff part, which doesn’t really have an interesting payoff other than Shane beating him up. Kane has been a monster for over a month now and we’re STILL waiting on him to have anything to do in the ring. Oh but Kevin Nash, who was feuding with Test for a little while, is getting a World Title match. Makes perfect sense.

Stacy Keibler/Scott Steiner vs. Rico/Miss Jackie

….what? If this is the option that made it to TV, what in the world was considered too bad to make it onto the show? Jackie watches Rico as he gets in ala Scott watching Stacy. Rico poses to start so Steiner forearms him in the head, followed by the spinning belly to belly. The pushup elbow gets two and it’s off to Jackie for the….showdown? Actually Stacy has to come in and egads this could be a nightmare.

They trade slaps until it’s the pinfall reversal sequence for exactly the reason you would expect. Stacy gets two off a spinning kick to the face but Rico knees her in the back. A double clothesline puts both of them down but here’s Test to jump Steiner. Rico snaps Stacy’s throat over the top, leaving Jackie to drop a leg for the pin.

Rating: F. Well of course it was to set up more Steiner vs. Test. Rico and Jackie were somehow the better option here with Stacy not being anything resembling a wrestler and Jackie looking at least somewhat improved from last year (hard not to be but indeed better). The problem here of course is still Steiner vs. Test, which has been going on for over three months now and hasn’t yet begun to be anything interesting. It needs to be dropped and both of them need to move on (perhaps to the unemployment line), though I’m kind of scared to know what could replace them.

Post match Test says this needs to end and wants to fight Steiner next week with Stacy on the line again. Stacy accepts in a hurry.

Flair doesn’t want to face Goldberg tonight because he’s out there all alone due to Evolution being barred from ringside. HHH basically ignores the whole thing and talks about the Elimination Chamber. Orton promises that he’ll retain because it’s the two of them against four guys.

Kane arrives in the police van.

Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

Non-title. Brawl to start until Dupree hits D-Von with the American flag for the DQ in about thirty seconds.

Post match the American flag is broken and La Resistance drinks French wine.

Goldust comes up to Molly Holly (such a random pairing) in the back to say she likes gold too. Therefore, he has someone he’d like her to meet. Someone who is truly NOT boring. This brings in Lance Storm in Goldust paint and wig. Storm pulls out cue card, complete with the Tourette’s Syndrome jokes. Molly leaves and Storm says this isn’t working. Not to worry Goldust says, because they have sausages and midgets waiting on them. That’s the second or third midgets joke in a week.

Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash get in a not very heated argument over who is winning the title. Goldberg comes in and sets them straight but the two of them make threats. It’s cute when Nash and Michaels pretend they’re anything more than filler in that match.

Here’s Intercontinental Champion Christian for a chat. That’s not an error as Christian, who comes out to Booker T.’s entrance, won the title from Booker last night at a house show. Somehow that would be Booker’s only title reign. You really would expect him to pick up the title again at some point but it was just the one time. As for tonight, Christian has found the perfect opponent for his first title defense, especially since we’re now on SpikeTV.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is challenging in case you’re a bit slow. Christian drops him ribs first across the top rope, followed by a gutbuster to continue the squashification. We hit an abdominal stretch with Christian having to lean down because Spike is so short. The hold is broken without much drama and Spike comes back with a bulldog for two. The running headbutt to the ribs gets two and a top rope double stomp gets the same, this time with Christian needing the ropes to escape. Back up and an Unprettier plants Spike for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. For a match based around the challenger’s first name and nothing else, this could have been a lot worse. Spike can have a good enough match, even if there’s no doubt that he’s losing every single one of them. Christian getting the title back at a house show is still kind of odd but maybe Booker really was hurt. Or they just wanted to throw in a surprise, which works quite well in the right way, especially if it might help drive up house show attendance.

Bischoff tries to suck up to Kane and offers to lay down for him. Kane says they’re doing this his way. Again, this is the best followup they have for Kane’s huge push over the last few weeks.

JR replaces Coach on commentary.

Eric Bischoff vs. Kane

Bischoff lays down and JR is aghast. So now the announcers don’t see what happens in the back? Kane grabs the chokeslam and JR is thrilled but Bischoff is sat back down and Kane walks out for the countout.

Post “match”, Kane asks the fans if they want to see him destroy Bischoff. That seems to be what they want, but Kane is tired of doing what everyone else wants. Cue Rob Van Dam to go after Kane…and dive onto the barricade instead. Rob sends him into a chair but the Five Star only hits chair. Kane chairs him down and laughs. Well so much for Van Dam, but now we get to wait a few more weeks before he gets squashed at Summerslam.

Gail Kim says she turned on Trish because no one talked to her when she was champion and she wanted some attention. Fair enough actually.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending. Trish goes to fight Gail on the floor, followed by a Chick Kick to Molly. A Thesz press drops Gail but Molly pulls Trish face first into the apron. The villains double suplex Trish as JR is sounding just like his old self, despite being on commentary against doctors’ orders. Trish gets tied in the Tree of Woe with Molly telling Gail to hit her, only to have Molly ax handle her down and get the pin to retain in a clever finish.

Flair is worried about facing Goldberg with no one helping him tonight. HHH has been talking to Bischoff though and Orton is guest referee. Wouldn’t that likely mean the match, and therefore the beating, is going to go on longer?

Earlier today a little old lady was trying to get across a busy street when Rosey showed up to help her. He explains his name to her and gets hit in the ribs with a grocery bag. Hurricane comes in to say no good deed goes unpunished.

Austin comes in to toast Bischoff’s victory and has a little fine print for him: the winner of Kane vs. Bischoff will face Shane McMahon at some point in the future. That might seem a little convenient, but Austin was in a win/win situation. Shane wanted to fight either guy and Austin would have gotten a good attraction either way. That’s actually logical, even if it seems that they’re stretching quite a bit to get to the ending they want.

Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack

Still no Theodore Long. Rodney shoulders him in the ribs to start and cuts off a charge with a powerslam. Mack dared to mock the Hurricane pose before slapping on a bearhug. Hurricane fights up with a crossbody but can’t hit a chokeslam. Instead he goes with a high crossbody to put Mack away.

Rating: D. So much for Mack, but that was the case after the Goldberg feud anyway. Hurricane is a character who can work very well in certain circumstances and he can wrestle a very solid match, but there’s only so much you can do in a situation like this one. I actually like the team with Rosey, though it’s not something that would have much of a shelf life.

Post match Mack beats Hurricane down until Rosey makes the save. This seems to confuse Hurricane, but to be fair it’s probably confusing to have a 400lb Samoan in a home made superhero costume save you.

Video on the Elimination Chamber.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel. Chris Jericho wants to set the record straight about his hair vs. hair match with Kevin Nash. The rules are very simple: when he beats Nash, Kevin has to shave his head. If Jericho somehow loses though, he’ll shave every bit of hair off his face (meaning eyebrows only) because there’s no way anyone is touching these gorgeous locks. Jericho: “Watch how it cascades around my face as I flick it to and fro.”

Cue Nash with a metal briefcase to talk about how Jericho needs a makeover. Nash asks “Kerwin in the back” to put up some images on the Titantron. Jericho: “ONLY I CAN DO THAT!” Instead we put the clip on the Jeritron 5000, which is a shot of Jericho with his hair changing to various FUNNY styles. Jericho says Nash is funny but what’s going to be funny is eliminating Nash from the Chamber. Then he’ll take the title and put it back around his gorgeous waist.

Nash pulls out some electric clippers and wants an answer on hair vs. hair. Wasn’t that already accepted? After threats of beating him up and cutting his hair right now, Jericho agrees to the match for next week. Nash fights off a cheap shot and hits a side slam before pulling out some gardening sheers. Jericho tries to hide underneath the ring but comes out with a fire extinguisher to blind Nash and bail. I believe Nash had to get his hair cut for a movie so this wasn’t the biggest mystery in the world. At the same time it does add a personal issue to the Chamber and gives the fans a big match to look forward to on Raw.

Summerslam rundown.

Ric Flair vs. Goldberg

Anything goes with Randy Orton as guest referee. Orton slips some brass knuckles to Flair before Goldberg comes out. Flair wastes no time in hitting Goldberg in the jaw for a fast two and a belly to back suplex gets the same. Goldberg is right back up with a gorilla press for the customary extra slow count. A clothesline gets the same, because Goldberg is so well known for going for multiple covers off run of the mill offense.

Goldberg yells at Orton and gets chaired in the back for no effect. Instead it’s a shot to the knee to set up the Figure Four with Orton stomping on Goldberg as he makes the rope. Flair lets go for no apparent reason and stays on the knee but Goldberg spears them both down. Cue Shawn Michaels to superkick Orton, allowing Goldberg to Jackhammer Flair. Shawn grabs Orton’s hand and slaps the mat three times for the pin.

Rating: D. So Goldberg can beat Flair and Orton up at the same time. That’s some good information to know and I’m glad it took them two weeks to establish that fact. Goldberg could have speared Flair down and pinned him clean but why do what works with Goldberg when you can just throw everything together and take away what made Goldberg work in the first place?

Overall Rating: D-. Well it did get better from the Steiner match on but that’s about as much as I can say about this one. The wrestling was a disaster as the big story continues to be the adventures of the battling bosses who can’t actually fight, plus waiting on Kane vs. Shane, which isn’t that thrilling in the first place. Then there’s the Elimination Chamber, which has thrown most of the card into a tailspin. I’m not exactly looking forward to Summerslam at this point and the next few weeks aren’t likely to make things much better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1999: The Bad One

Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

What did I ever do to you people? I try to give you all a variety of stuff and somehow I always wind up with freaking Russo. Isn’t me freaking out over 2000 WCW enough for your bloody thirsty evildoers? Anyway, it’s Austin vs. McMahon at #1 and #2, along with Rock being borderline criminal against Mankind in an I Quit match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video makes no secret of the fact that this is all about Austin vs. McMahon. The World Title match isn’t even mentioned.

Of note: the theme song here would become Vince’s theme for pretty much ever.

Road Dogg vs. Big Boss Man

Road Dogg is Hardcore Champion after beating Boss Man (half of the Tag Team Champions and part of the Corporation) to win the title. Therefore the solution: let them have a regular singles match. Ah the powers of Russo. Even Cole is trying to figure out why the Corporation wouldn’t want a chance to get a title. Boss Man is still one of the only people I’ve ever seen who stands on the bottom rope for his pre-match posing.

Dogg gets shoved down to start and we get an early hair pulling complaint. I hope he files the proper paperwork for that. Or he could just punch Boss Man in the face instead. Boss Man misses a charge in the corner and gets crotched as Lawler tries to explain why this isn’t a title match. I’ll give him points for trying but it really makes no sense. Boss Man gets more aggressive but is told this isn’t a hardcore match.

The distraction lets Dogg crotch Boss Man against the post but he punches and kicks Dogg down with ease. They’re clearly trying really hard to have a regular match but neither guy seems to know how to do it. We hit a bearhug from…..well from the person you would expect to use a bearhug in this match. Dogg actually raises the roof to get the crowd on his side but gets dropped with a knee to the ribs.

The referee checking on Dogg allows Boss Man to unhook the turnbuckle pad and we’re just waiting on it to come back and cost him. Boss Man wins another slugout but gets caught in a sleeper. That goes nowhere so Dogg has to slam him off the top and it’s slugout the fourth. A flying forearm and the shaky knee get two for Dogg but he walks into the Boss Man Slam for the fast pin.

Rating: D. So their big idea was to have one of their most popular acts wrestle a style out of his element against an opponent not capable of wrestling that style and then lose. I’ve said it before but it deserves repeating: Vince Russo is really not that bright when it comes to putting together shows.

We recap Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock. Gunn had, ahem, exposed himself to to Shamrock’s sister Ryan. Ken went psycho (again) and set this up with his Intercontinental Title on the line.

Intercontinental Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn is challenging but has a bad ankle coming in. Shamrock is the part of the Corporation and the other half of the Tag Team Champions. It’s actually Gunn being the aggressor to start by choking Ken down while Lawler is in full on heel mode here, completely supporting Shamrock for wanting to destroy Billy. A clothesline and delayed vertical get two for Gunn but he misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post.

Shamrock slowly kicks away until he ducks his head and gets caught in a Fameasser for two. So what exactly is Gunn’s finisher then, as that was treated like a nothing move. Gunn misses a charge and falls out to the floor so Ken can send him hands first into the post. I say first falsely implying that any other part of his body hit the post as well.

Shamrock takes some time to jaw with the fans, allowing Billy to come back with something like a Stroke off the apron and onto the announcers’ table. Well at least that looked good. Back in and Ken starts going after the ankle nearly ten minutes into the match. We get some very slow kicks to the ankle as Cole can’t remember Gunn ever submitting. Uh, right. Anyway, Shamrock pulls him down by the hair and gets two off a fisherman’s suplex.

The referee gets bumped and a double clothesline puts Gunn and Shamrock down as well. Cue Val Venis, who had recent issues with Shamrock, to take the champion down with a DDT. Gunn makes his comeback as there are fans in towels doing Val’s gyrations in the crowd. Billy hurts his ankle again coming off the top and the ankle lock retains Ken’s title.

Rating: D+. Off the top of my head, I can’t remember a less necessary run in. It didn’t change anything and they could have done the exact same finish without Venis coming out there. On top of that, the fans are actually pretty quiet. Believe it or not, there isn’t a lot of interest in thirty five minutes of a thrown together nothing team beating one of the most popular teams of all time in back to back matches.

Shane McMahon tries to fire up his dad for tonight.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Gangrel

X-Pac is defending of course. Feeling out process to start, which isn’t the smartest move in the world for a match that isn’t likely to go more than six minutes. X-Pac quickly takes him down and drops a leg for two. It’s already time for the rapid fire kicks in the corner but the Bronco Buster only hits corner. Gangrel is smart enough to follow up with a belly to belly for two and we hit a quick chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Gangrel throws him into the air and into a big crash, only to miss a top rope…..we’ll say elbow. X-Pac starts his comeback with a pair of spinwheel kicks because he’s a man of limited awesome. The champ tries a high cross body but Gangrel rolls through for a three but the referee says two anyway.

Lawler actually has a good explanation by saying the first count was for X-Pac’s cover and the other two were for Gangrel. That’s not what happened but it’s as logical of an explanation as they were going to find. Back up and Gangrel tries to throw X-Pac into the air, only to get pulled down into the X Factor to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Actually not bad here with Gangrel being a totally serviceable worker most of the time. That being said, there’s almost no story here as the announcers didn’t have any reason for these two to be fighting. At least the fans finally had something to cheer for a change though as it’s been a lot of energy killing losses so far.

DX says they’re a family but tonight it’s every man (and woman according to Chyna) for themselves.

Here’s Shane McMahon to introduce Luna Vachon, who he says is winning the Women’s Title due to Sable having a bad back. Sable comes out and says ring the bell. I have no idea what connection Shane has to this feud and the announcers didn’t seem to bother explaining the story.

Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable

Sable is defending and this is a strap match. Luna bails to the floor to start but gets pulled face first into the post. Back in and Sable chokes away as Shane calls Luna hot. Sable can only get two buckles though until Luna pulls her down. That earns Sable a whipping and some kicks in the corner, only to have Luna hit a quick backbreaker.

Luna starts dragging her around to three buckles with Sable slapping them as they go. Of course Luna doesn’t notice because wrestling logic is screwy. Sable flips over Luna and goes for the fourth buckle but Shane gets on the apron for a distraction, which somehow doesn’t count as a break in the momentum. Not that it matters as Sable’s insane fan jumps the barricade and decks Luna, allowing Sable to hit the fourth buckle and retain the title.

Rating: F+. I really can’t stand these gimmick matches getting less than five minutes but they’re a Russo staple. The problem here is there’s no real reason to have all these stories going on, along with no time to build up any drama and advance the story of the match. In other words, it’s too little material in too little time and it drags the whole thing down.

The Corporation debates over who gets to eliminate Austin and win the $100,000 bounty Vince has put on his head tonight.

We recap Mankind vs. the Rock. Mankind won the title on January 4 and Rock wanted a rematch. He offered various stipulations to Mankind before saying he quit trying. That was enough to get Mankind to agree because he knew he would never quit. Therefore it’s time for an I Quit match for the title. Mankind summed it up very simply with a question to Rock: “How does it feel to be in a match you can’t win and I can’t lose?”

A fired up Rock guarantees to win because he’s just that awesome. Watching Beyond the Mat has kind of ruined this for me as it showed Mankind standing about two feet away while Rock was talking here.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

Mankind is defending and this is an I Quit match. Also of note, Mankind had to face Mabel (Viscera) on Sunday Night Heat, resulting in a bad rib injury. Rock gets pounded into the corner to start and Mankind hits his running knee to the head. Some right hands won’t make Rock quit yet though so Mankind hits him with the microphone. They head outside with Mankind going knees first into the steps in one of his trademark bumps. Is there any shock that he can barely walk around today?

Rock goes over to do commentary so Mankind blasts him in the head with a chair, only to draw another no. The Mandible Claw knocks Rock mostly out but he won’t quit. Mankind tries to take him into the crowd but charges into a belly to belly right back over the barricade for a big crash. Back to ringside with Rock loading up a Rock Bottom through the Spanish announce table but it quickly breaks under their weight. Since it wasn’t really worse for either guy, Mankind is right back up and sending Rock into the post.

The fight goes up the aisle with Rock shrugging off right hands and DDTing the champ on the floor. For some reason Rock thinks it’s smart to bring in a ladder but a hard shot still won’t make Mankind quit. Rock climbs the ladder next to the technical area and Mankind follows him up to a little catwalk. A low blow stops Mankind and Rock rams him off the stand and onto the equipment, causing an explosion and the loss of the arena lights.

The match basically stops as Shane comes out but Rock says there’s not going to be a doctor because Mankind is going to quit. Mankind can barely move so Rock drags him back to the ring as this is now a much slower pace. With nothing else working, Rock handcuffs Mankind behind his back and it’s about to get ugly.

Some right hands and rams into the buckle have Mankind bleeding but he kicks Rock low to get a breather. Another low blow has Rock in trouble (and the receding hairline doesn’t do him much good either) but of course he won’t quit. A clothesline puts Mankind down and now it’s time to get scary.

Rock puts a chair over Mankind’s face for a People’s elbow but he still won’t quit. Now we get the infamous part of the match as Rock hits him a ridiculous eleven straight times in the head with Mankind not being able to defend himself in the slightest. Even Lawler says that’s enough after two shots. Mankind is completely out as Rock puts the mic to his mouth and a recording of Mankind’s voice from weeks ago says he quits to give Rock the title back.

Rating: B-. That ending is too much to take and is almost more brutal than the Cell match against Undertaker. The beating just kept going and going with Mankind looking weaker and weaker every time. Apparently Rock hit him about three times as much as he was supposed to and Foley’s family was terrified (justly so) over what they saw. The rest of the match is good enough but the ending is one of the scariest things you’ll ever see in wrestling, or anywhere for that matter.

We recap Austin vs. Vince which just happens to be taking place in the Royal Rumble. There’s no secret about the fact that this is all about those two and to be fair that’s the only thing anyone wanted to see. Austin is #1 and Vince is #2, meaning we’re going to see them for at least ninety seconds. Vince has also put a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head, in case you didn’t have enough stories going on yet.

Also earlier tonight, Austin crushed some cars with his monster truck and then beat up the Stooges in the arena. I’m not sure what that adds to anything but it’s a thing that happened. As usual, such is life in Russo’s WWF.

Royal Rumble

Austin is in at #1 and Vince is in at #2 and the intervals are ninety seconds. Fink takes FOREVER to do the full rules and Lawler is telling him to shut up. Fair point too as he’s explaining what does and does not constitute eliminations. Of note here, we get the debut of Vince’s chiseled physique which was a real shock as no one had ever seen his arms before. Austin pounds away to start (shocking I know) but opts not to throw Vince out as Golga (Earthquake in a mask as part of the Oddities, which is one of the most bizarre character changes I’ve ever seen) is in at #3.

Golga goes after Austin but gets dumped in fifteen seconds. Vince bails under the ropes and goes into the crowd to give us a chase scene. They fight into the concourse as Droz is #4 and this is where the match starts to fall apart. If Austin and Vince are going to fight through the back, why have Golga get eliminated when you could do Golga vs. Droz? It’s not much (save for a battle of really strange names) but at the moment, the fans in the arena are paying to see Droz stand around doing absolutely nothing.

This is even more proof that Russo is a good idea man but has no idea how to run an actual show. It’s not even a complicated concept: you need to give the fans something to watch. I know there are more people on the other side of the camera but you can’t forget the people who paid money to come see you. It’s poor planning and shows a severe lack of thinking, which is Russo in part of a nutshell.

Speaking of Russo, we see Austin getting beaten down by the Corporation until the camera cuts off. That means we cut back to Droz who is….standing there. Yeah this is really what you’re paying to see: a guy standing in the ring doing nothing. Edge comes in at #5 to give us something but the fans are now dead because they’ve lost Austin and Vince (neither of whom were eliminated) but they’re stuck with two uninteresting guys that have no chance of winning.

After nothing of note, here’s Gillberg (with full Goldberg entrance) at #6 to keep this stupid. Gillberg is out in just a few seconds as we cut to Austin unconscious in the ladies room. Steve Blackman is in at #7 as Austin is stretchered out. The clock is flying by now as they need to get some action going to revive the crowd. Dan Severn is in at #8 as the lack of star power is already making this horrible.

We see Austin going into the ambulance, which to be fair is more interesting than four nothings (remember that Edge wasn’t a big thing for a long time to come) wasting time in the ring. Tiger Ali Singh, one of the biggest misfires you’ll ever seen, is in at #9. Blue Meanie is in at #10 and we’re somehow a third of the way through this.

After Austin and Vince, the biggest name in the match so far has been…..geez I guess Droz. What this match needed was a midcard act to clean out the deadwood (Shamrock perhaps) until some popular act (maybe the Outlaws) came in to balance him out. Put Shamrock in at about #8 and the Outlaws in at about #13 and #16 respectfully, then pick up the pace again later on. But no, let’s have this huge bunch of nothing in the ring to kill the crowd until we get back to Austin vs. Vince at the end because Heaven forbid Russo come up with anything besides one idea.

There’s no one at #11 but we cut to the back (again) to see Mabel destroying Mosh and taking his spot. Blackman and Severn are quickly put out with Singh following them a few seconds later. Road Dogg is in at #12 to FINALLY give the fans someone they care about. Meanie is dumped as well, leaving us Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg in the ring.

Edge is eliminated a few seconds later but there go the lights because we haven’t had an angle in a few seconds. It’s the Ministry of Darkness (is there a reason Undertaker isn’t on this card?) to eliminate Mabel and here’s Undertaker to hypnotize him, leading to Mabel becoming Viscera. Therefore, we have ANOTHER lull as Dogg is all alone.

Gangrel is in at #13 and doesn’t last thirty seconds, giving us the third lull of the first half of the match. Add that to the fact that save for Austin and McMahon who haven’t been seen in twenty minutes, the first eleven entrants are already gone, making the first third of the match completely worthless. Kurrgan is in at #14 and beats on the Dogg until Al Snow is in at #15, only to be eliminated in less than a minute.

Goldust is in at #16 to interrupt Dogg vs. Kurrgan II. Dogg knocks both of them down and gets the fans breathing again with a SUCK IT. Here’s Godfather at #17 as it occurs to me that three of these people will be Intercontinental Champion in less than three months. They go from boring everyone here to having a title in that span of time. Again, only Russo.

Kane is in at #18 to FINALLY give us someone who might have a prayer of a chance at winning this thing. He clears the ring in thirty seconds but here are people from the mental institution to reclaim Kane, who eliminates himself and runs through the crowd. So yeah, we now have NO ONE IN THE RING, meaning that when Shamrock comes in at #19, he has nothing to do but stand around as we wait for an opponent. Oh wait Vince comes back to do commentary as we’re just sitting around.

As we wait, allow me to point out that save for the first two, the first eighteen entrants have all been eliminated, making nearly two thirds of the match completely worthless. Billy Gunn comes in at #20, wearing one boot. Heaven forbid we get anything going through as Shamrock takes him down with a kick to the bad ankle. Gunn throws him into the corner for a break but Ken goes after the ankle again.

Test is in at #21 but let’s cut to Mabel being put in a hearse. As luck would have it, an ambulance pulls in with Austin driving, because he was able to wake up, commandeer the ambulance, and drive back here in the span of half an hour. We FINALLY go back to the ring where Gunn low blows both guys. Big Boss Man is in at #22 to line up the Corporation members for Austin, who comes down and chases Vince off. Shamrock is quickly dumped and Vince is back on commentary.

It’s HHH at #23 as you can see the star power starting up because we couldn’t have them in there earlier in the match because of whatever reasons. People start taking worthless shots at Austin, who blasts Gunn with a hard clothesline. Val Venis is in at #24 and Austin dumps Gunn, giving us Vince, Austin, Test, Venis, Boss Man and HHH. X-Pac is in at #25 as Lawler wants to know why no one is going after Austin. Fair point, but the answer would be “because the script says they shouldn’t.”

X-Pac kicks Austin in the face and it’s Mark Henry at #26 to a far bigger reaction than you would expect. Jeff Jarrett is in at #27 as there’s just nothing going on between these entrants. The stupidity continues as X-Pac is the only one going after Austin and it’s likely not even due to the money. D’Lo Brown is #28, still feeling guilty for making Terri Runnels suffer a miscarriage. Austin easily dumps Test and Boss Man gets rid of X-Pac a few seconds later.

Henry clotheslines HHH and Jarrett goes after Austin, prompting Vince to praise him in something that sounds bizarre today. HHH gets rid of Jarrett and it’s Owen Hart taking his place at #29. Owen and Brown double team Austin until HHH makes the save, presumably to get all the money for himself. Austin slips to the floor and throws water at Vince. Chyna is the first woman in the history of the Rumble at #30 and immediately dumps Henry. That earns her an elimination from Austin and we’re down to Austin, Vince, HHH, Venis, Brown, Boss Man and Owen.

We get Austin vs. HHH in a fall preview but HHH has to eliminate Venis. Austin uses the distraction to Stun HHH and toss him, leaving us with four in the ring. Brown misses a dropkick on Austin (why are these two fighting in the final five of the Royal Rumble?) and everything slows down AGAIN. Owen enziguris Austin but gets backdropped out. Boss Man punches Austin down and D’Lo hits the Low Down, only to have Boss Man throw him out.

A Stunner is enough to get rid of Boss Man and we’re down to Austin vs. Vince. Well of course we are. They fight on the floor (read as Austin beats him up even more) before Vince hits a quick low blow instead. That earns him a Stunner but Rock comes out for a distraction, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.

Rating: F. Do I even need to explain this one? You had Austin, possibly at the peak of his popularity, and even he couldn’t get anything out of the fans. It’s further proof that you can’t just treat your fans like garbage the entire night and then expect them to pop for your one idea.

On top of that, these shows continue to not be able to hold up. Can you imagine if this happened today? No one would buy Vince as keeping the title shot because there was no way that could happen. This result was designed to get people to watch Raw the next night to see how Austin was going to get out of this one. That’s fine at the time, but it really doesn’t hold up on a second viewing in the slightest.

It really is amazing when you consider that Russo somehow put together the worst Royal Rumble ever, followed by maybe the worst Wrestlemania of all time just two months later. Why in the world would someone think that he should be given even more power and authority? This was one of the biggest disasters I’ve ever seen and it’s almost painful to sit through all over again.

Shane and the Stooges come out to celebrate, meaning it’s time for beers. This goes on for a bit until a two minute highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: F+. Let’s recap here. On a six match card, you had two face wins with X-Pac and Gangrel. In other words, the face wins came in the most meaningless matches on the card. As I said in the redos of some WCW pay per views, you have to give the fans something to cheer for. This was one of the worst major shows I can remember in a long time and it’s almost all because of Russo not knowing how to write a wrestling show. This is one of those rare shows with almost nothing positive going on and it’s really amazing that they actually put this on and expected people to be entertained.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2016 Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C+

2016 Redo: D+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2016 Redo: C-

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2016 Redo: F+

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2016 Redo: B-

Royal Rumble

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2016 Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2016 Redo: F+

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

And the original redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/12/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1999-disturbing-to-watch-for-multiple-reasons/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1998: You Can’t Stop Destiny

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997: Austin x1

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’m scared to think how many of those tickets were freebies. This is the annual requested redo and I’m not sure what to expect going into it. Well I am as I’ve seen the show multiple times but it’s been awhile. The main event is of course Shawn Michaels vs. Sid II because we need the big hometown moment. Those actually existed back in 1997. Let’s get to it.

As you might expect, the opening video is all about Shawn because it’s 1997. The title win at Wrestlemania was nice at all but his defining moment came at Survivor Series when he showed compassion for Jose Lothario instead of trying to retain the title. Well to be fair that would be defining as it meant Shawn actually lost a title match instead of vacating the title so maybe they’re on to something.

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

This is one of my least favorite matches ever. Helmsley is defending against a freshly face Goldust. Basically everyone thought Goldust was gay but he confirmed that he wasn’t, which sent HHH after Marlena for some reason. Mr. Hughes makes his debut as HHH’s short lived bodyguard/butler which is code for bodyguard/Chyna is on the way.

Goldust jumps him in the aisle and hammers away in the corner until a quick atomic drop gets us to even. A catapult sends HHH outside as the crowd is really, really quiet here. I’m not sure if it’s the place being huge or the fans being bored but it’s not working so far. Goldust sends him into the steps, causing JR to suggest we might get a DQ. I mean, we probably won’t this early but points for doing your job.

They keep using the steps with HHH bouncing off them and now Lawler thinks it should be a DQ. Vince talks about some fans who had been trying to talk to Shawn for weeks being thrown out of the building. That’s one of those things that doesn’t really hold up over time as they just gloss over it and expect us to know what he’s talking about. It makes sense at the time but there are probably better things to talk about during a title match on pay per view.

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

The referee FINALLY does something by taking away the director’s chair before HHH can swing it (Lawler: “Why didn’t you do something about those stairs earlier?”) and they head back in. The match is so boring that we actually cut over to an interview with a country singer in the audience. That’s getting up there on the all time boredom scale and the dead crowd seems to agree.

HHH misses the kneedrop and hurts his leg again in the process but he’s still able to roll away from a Macho Elbow. Hughes, likely as bored as the rest of us, throws in the title but HHH would rather kiss Marlena. That earns him a belt shot to the head, only to have Hughes pull HHH out at two. Of course that’s not a DQ so Goldust goes after Hughes, setting up the Pedigree for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: F+. Oh yeah this is still bad and still one of the worst matches I can ever remember to open the show. It’s too long, too boring and completely uninteresting. This really needed to have about seven minutes chopped off and far less using the steps. I dread this match every time I watch the show and that hasn’t changed a bit.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Mankind talks about the Rumble being a chance to hurt a lot of people that he doesn’t like as well as some that he does. It’s going to be a very nice day.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Faarooq injured Johnson back in 1996 and it’s finally time for the grudge match in a feud that felt like it went on for the better part of forever. There are at least ten members of the Nation of Domination here, including a few actors who exist for the sole purpose of making the group bigger. As you might expect, Ahmed erupts to start and beats Faarooq down in the corner before sending him into the post. Where’s the OUTRAGE from the announcers over this blatant breaking of the rules?

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

It’s off to the very logical reverse chinlock but Faarooq does the very stupid posing, allowing an electric chair to put him down. Faarooq comes right back with a spinebuster though, which JR calls a physical catch instead of a fair catch. Uh, right Jim. Ahmed pops up again and hits one of his own, meaning it’s time for the Nation to come in for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. Still not great but WAY better than the first, at least partially because it’s half the length of the opener. Johnson vs. Faarooq needed to be some big wild brawl, or maybe Johnson finding some partners to help him fight off the team. Like say the Legion of Doom in Chicago in a street fight. But for some reason the feud just kept going after that, which is probably why this feud isn’t the most fondly remembered.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Terry Funk thinks he can win because we’re in Texas. Nah, just one of those per show dude. Besides, Goldust is from Austin and look at what he got. Or don’t look actually as it’s too horrible for words. Or reviews for that matter.

Faarooq says he’ll take care of Ahmed in the Rumble because Johnson is an “Uncle Tom”.

Vader vs. Undertaker

There’s not much of a story here save for some back and forth attacks. We get the big long Undertaker entrance and as usual it looks amazing in the big stadium. They slug it out to start with Undertaker doing the sit up off a clothesline. The standing splash gets the exact same reaction and Vader is looking a bit worried.

The fight heads outside with Undertaker getting the better of it but Vader drops him ribs first across the top rope to take over again. Undertaker gets in a slam followed by a legdrop, which JR says is like no one has ever done. I’m sure that’s certainly not meant as a jab at anyone in particular second cousin twice removed.

Old School is broken up which JR says means Vader had it well scouted. Or Vader was smart enough to do ANYTHING when Undertaker was off balance and distracted? And now, let’s go INTERVIEW A FAN WHO SAVED UP TO COME TO THE SHOW. Lawler rips on Pettengill for wasting our time like that (amen brother) while Vader was pounding Undertaker about the head and shoulders (the body parts, not the shampoo).

We hit the lame nerve hold for a bit until Undertaker suplexes his way to freedom, leaving both guys down. Vader is up first and goes to the middle rope, only to dive into a powerslam. That would be a lot more impressive if Ahmed hadn’t done the EXACT SAME THING, even from the same corner, to Faarooq in the previous match.

Vader’s powerbomb gets two but Old School drops him again….and here’s Paul Bearer. Undertaker gets in a chokeslam but makes the mistake of going after Paul. Vader tries for a save and avoids a dive off the steps, sending Undertaker ribs first into the barricade. Bearer adds an urn shot and it’s the Vader Bomb to put Undertaker away.

Rating: C-. I’m a fan of Undertaker slugging away at a monster so this was more entertaining than it probably should have been. Vader was in something close to a free fall after losing to Shawn at Summerslam so this was more of a comeback win than anything else. Undertaker vs. Bearer would continue for a very long time.

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Austin says he isn’t talking with anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog is going to win because he’s bizarre. Yes, bizarre.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

This is a AAA match because the company was willing to try ANYTHING to get people interested, including these guys that 99% of fans have never heard of before. I’ll do my best to have any idea who these people are and what’s going on here but bear with me. Estrada and Heavy Metal (who Vince things is Estrada) start things off do a technical sequence to start before it’s off to the ancient looking Aguayo vs. the very feathery looking Estrada.

The crowd is just GONE for this one as Canek’s middle rope crossbody gets on Guerrera. Fuerza misses a top rope crane kick Swanton (that’s an odd one) so Canek gets an easy two. Heavy Metal does a Tajiri handspring but stumbles through the elbow to drop Garza. Things speed up a bit but they still seem a few steps off to keep this from getting, you know, good.

We hit a stalemate and that means it’s time to shake hands and bring in Estrada and Canek. They start running the ropes but WAIT! Time for more tags. Metal avoids a Figure Four and we get down to a bit of a traditional tag formula with the focus on Metal’s leg. Guerrera tries to make a save but dropkicks Metal by mistake and everything breaks down. Garza gets in his corkscrew plancha and Aguayo’s top rope double stomp to the arm (meant to be ribs) finally ends Metal.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying something different here but this didn’t work for me. The wrestling wasn’t great here and I really have no idea who these people are. It was a nice try at something new and when you’re in the depths that the company was in at this point it’s worth the shot but this was a big miss.

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals here and it’s Crush in at #1 and Ahmed in at #2. JR says Ahmed has a minute and a half to do whatever he wants to Crush. So Crush is stuck with his arms behind his back and isn’t allowed to fight back? They fight to the mat and the clock messes up so it’s Fake Razor Ramon in at #3, earning one heck of a booing. Thankfully Ahmed gets rid of the clown in about ten seconds but Faarooq shows up in the aisle, meaning Ahmed eliminates himself to go after him.

Thankfully (I think?) Phineas Godwinn is in at #4 to give us something to watch. It’s as thrilling of a brawl as you can imagine as Vince keeps talking about the clock issues, which means there’s no clock to be seen. Austin is in at #5 to wake the crowd up a bit and a middle rope clothesline is enough to allow Phineas to get rid of Crush. A Stunner gets rid of Phineas and it’s Bart Gunn in at #6. That lasts all of twenty six seconds before Austin is all alone again.

Jake Roberts is in at #7 and throws the snake bag in for a bonus. The DDT is loaded up but a backdrop gets rid of Jake, who is replaced by British Bulldog at #8. This goes a bit better with Bulldog pounding Austin down until Pierroth (AAA guy) is in at #9. The luchador gets double teamed until Bulldog wises up and turns on Austin. Sultan, whose music sounds like Pierroth’s, is in at #10 as they’re flying through this so far.

Bulldog puts Austin on the apron but gets poked in the eye for his efforts. We’ve got a clock now and the fans are into it again, which is a really good sign for the match. Mil Mascaras is in at #11 and you know he’s going to get his stuff in. HHH is in at #12 as there’s really not much going on in between these entrances. Bulldog gets rid of Sultan to clear the ring out a bit though it doesn’t do much to keep the crowd going. The middle rope middle finger elbow hits HHH and Owen Hart is in at #13.

Without much going on, Owen “accidentally” eliminates Bulldog, who really isn’t happy with his partner as a result. Goldust is in at #14 and everyone gangs up on him for some reason. Cibernetico (also from AAA) is in at #15 and is tossed almost as quickly, along with Pierroth. Marc Mero is in at #16 as Mascaras dives on Cibernetico to eliminate himself in the process (which I’m sure was a COMPLETE mistake), followed by Goldust tossing HHH. That leaves us with Hart, Austin, Mero and Goldust who are joined by Latin Lover at #17.

Lover gets in some basic stuff before Faarooq comes in at #18 to eliminate him. Cue Ahmed again for a 2×4 shot to Faarooq to get rid of him as well. Austin dumps Mero and Hart, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, Austin’s old rival, is in at #19 and scores with a spinwheel kick. That’s about it though as Austin clotheslines him out to be alone again. Jesse James is next and while he lasts a bit longer than Vega, it’s still not even a minute before Austin gets rid of him. Austin sits on the middle rope…..and it’s BRET HART at #21, giving Austin one of the best OH DANG looks in wrestling history.

The key to him though: he sees Bret coming, shakes his head, and tells Bret to bring it on before starting the slug out. Notice that: he didn’t back down and came out swinging because that’s how Austin rolled. It wouldn’t fit Austin to panic and try to beg or something. Man against man, Austin thought he could beat anyone on the planet no matter what circumstances he was up against. That’s good storytelling and a big part of what made him a star.

Lawler is in at #22 and starts the “it takes a king” line before leaving. Two right hands later and he’s back on the floor four seconds later to finish the catchphrase. Vince: “Do you know you were just in the ring?” JR mentions that Bret said he should just be the WWF Champion coming into the show, which is a great example of how his heel turn took off.

Fake Diesel (as played by the future Kane) is in at #23 and at least he looks close enough to pass for a Nash look-a-like. From behind or at a distance, you could actually make a mistake. Fake Razor on the other hand wasn’t even close and that’s why he was booed while Diesel is greeted with general indifference. A few power moves keep everyone down until it’s Terry Funk in at #24. It says a lot when Kane is by far and away the fourth most successful wrestler in a match.

Rocky Maivia is in at #25 to make Kane even less important and of course he goes right after Austin for the sake of future issues. The slow pace continues until Mankind is in at #26, giving us Mankind, Austin, Rocky, Funk, Diesel and Hart. If there has ever been a better collection of talent at one point in the Rumble, I’ve yet to see it. Just DANG what a lineup here.

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The big Henry actually clotheslines Vader down as JR compares Lawler’s entrant to Bushwhacker Luke’s 1991 entrance. Oh come on. Lawler lasted TWICE as long as Luke. Undertaker completes the field at #30, giving us a final group of Undertaker, Austin, Hart, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, Diesel, Maivia, Vader, Godwinn and Mankind. Undertaker immediately punches Vader down before chokeslamming a few people.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Undertaker throws Henry out and my jaw drops at the talent left in there. The final eight either already are or will be in the Hall of Fame one day. That’s INSANE and will likely never be even approached again. Mankind tosses Rocky and them pummels Terry before suplexing him out to the floor. Undertaker gets rid of Mankind, who is happy to brawl to the back with Funk. Bret dumps Austin for the pop of the night but the referees are busy breaking up the brawl, allowing Austin to come back in and eliminate Vader and Undertaker. Bret gets rid of Diesel, only to have Austin throw him out for the win in a great bit of cheating.

Rating: D+. And the good here is almost ALL Austin as the rest of the match was barely even worth talking about. There wasn’t much in the way of storytelling to be seen here as there wasn’t really a big winner teased until the very end. The lack of talent up until the end and time to go with the build towards the end didn’t do a lot of good as the match doesn’t even really start until Bret comes in two thirds of the way there. It’s certainly not the worst Rumble but it’s really not good either.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Back at Survivor Series, Sid attacked Shawn’s manager with a camera to cost Shawn the title. Sid has been on a rampage since but now we’re in Shawn’s hometown for the big rematch.

Shawn says he’s sick with the flu (a-huh) but he’s ready to fight with 70,000 people (or closer to 50,000 depending on who you ask) behind him.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

Some hard whips across the ring set up a bearhug because Sid needs to keep things slow. The bearhug stays on so long that Sid actually LAYS DOWN ON THE MAT WITH IT. A legdrop gets two and it’s already back to the reverse chinlock. Thankfully this one doesn’t last as long and Shawn comes back with a slam. Really a slam? After all that back work?

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: D+. As I said in the original review, this could have been much worse. I mean, not much worse but it could have been worse. Shawn winning the title back was the most obvious thing in the world and it’s ok to have him win here, especially in his hometown. It’s not exactly a good match but then again Sid isn’t exactly a good opponent. What is nice is seeing a hometown guy win a big match for a change and the fact that it derailed Shawn’s heel turn is…..well actually it kind of sucks but he wouldn’t have the title long anyway.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Why is this show so fondly remembered? The wrestling is pretty lame (though there are worse options) and the Rumble itself isn’t much to be remembered outside of Austin starting his rise to the top of the promotion. It’s not the worst Royal Rumble of all time but I don’t remember getting into the show a single time all night, save for that look from Austin when Bret came out. Just not a very good show but it’s from a bad time for the company.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Now that’s more like it. The two main events just aren’t that good but I have NO idea what I was thinking on the opener. That match is a disaster and I can’t stand it less and less every time I see it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – July 28, 2003: You Knew This Was Coming

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 28, 2003
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

We’re finally past the final single brand pay per view before it’s time for Summerslam and that means the build begins tonight. Last week saw Goldberg come out to face off with HHH so odds are we’ll have a title match set up in the very near future. Other than that, Kane is still a monster and there’s not much that can be done to stop him. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Linda McMahon’s appearance last week, including getting Tombstoned by Kane.

Here’s Vince (in a rather hideous shirt) to open things up. He’s here to confront Kane’s lack of manhood, not because he’s a good husband (Vince: “Everybody knows better than that.”). Before tonight, everything is going to break loose against Kane.

Booker T./Scott Steiner vs. Christian/Test

Egads these feuds just won’t die. Booker and Test start things off by trading some shots to the face until Christian’s cheap shot lets the dastardly Canadians take over. Steiner comes in and Test actually runs to the floor to hide. Back in and the push-up elbow has Christian in trouble and a gorilla press makes things even worse.

The reverse DDT gives Christian a breather and of course Test is ready to come in and stomp away. A running clothesline in the corner allows Test to do his own pushups, though Stacy really isn’t impressed. The hot tag brings in Booker and everything breaks down with Steiner suplexing Christian over to the floor. Lawler, I guess thinking this is the NWA for some reason, says that should be a DQ.

That confusing idea takes us to a break and we come back with Steiner fighting out of Test’s chinlock. Another suplex allows another hot tag to Booker as things pick up again. House is quickly cleaned and Test kicks Christian by mistake, allowing Booker to ax kick Christian for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m thoroughly sick of both of these feuds but for some reason both just keep going. Test vs. Steiner is likely leading to another big gimmick match but I’m not sure Booker vs. Christian needs to be anything more than over. While this wasn’t terrible, it was a pair of feuds that didn’t need to continue and for some reason that’s what we’re stuck with.

We see a clip of the press conference with HHH vs. Goldberg being announced as the Raw main event for Summerslam.

Goldberg vs. Steven Richards

The usual finishes Richards in just over a minute.

Post match, Evolution comes out with HHH talking about how that was an impressive win…against Steven Richards. However, HHH isn’t Richards and that’s not how things are going to go at Summerslam. Goldberg wants to fight right now but, of course, it’s not convenient for HHH right now. Flair tells Goldberg to pay attention so Goldberg is ready to fight Flair instead. The fight is almost on but Bischoff comes out and says we’ll do it next week.

Rico vs. Val Venis

Rematch from a few weeks ago where Rico beat Venis on Heat. Rico disrobes to start and it’s an early spank for Val. A waistlock just makes Rico bend over as I think you can get the joke. Don’t worry if you can’t though as WWE will make sure to beat you over the head with it in short order.

Rico flips up to his feet and gets dropkicked in the back, which only seems to set Rico off. A middle rope ax handle gives Rico two and he gets in some right hands to the head as this is going WAY longer than it needs to. Val comes back with a spinebuster and the Money Shot is good for the pin, despite Miss Jackie’s failed interference attempt.

Rating: D. WAY too long here (and it was only about five minutes) as there was no need for this match to have any kind of time whatsoever. Rico did his nonsense at first but after that it was just Rico vs. Val Venis for longer than it needed on Raw. I know they need to build midcard characters but they really need something better than this.

Bischoff instructs security on how to handle the arriving Kane. The solution: keep him locked in a van until the time is right.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho in a great mood after making Shawn Michaels tap out last week. Jericho calls that the first time Shawn ever tapped out, which almost has to be an exaggeration. Anyway, after looking at the clip a few times, here’s Randy Orton as the official guest. Orton talks about Evolution loving the Highlight Reel and they even have a gift for Jericho: an Evolution t-shirt. Jericho is touched and would love to give Orton a Highlight Reel shirt but they’re all sold out.

Anyway, Jericho asks about the RKO, which he calls majestic. That brings Jericho to the big question though: why did Orton interfere in the match last week? It’s not like Jericho needed it you see. Orton says he was trying to make a name for himself and what better way to do it than by killing another legend. Shawn says Jericho is the kind of guy who has made him a millionaire over the years and he’s ready to face Jericho one more time right here tonight. Jericho declines and the fight is on in a hurry with the numbers game getting the better of Shawn. Kevin Nash makes the save and says he’ll fight Jericho right now.

Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

Joined in progress with Nash forearming Jericho in the corner but Chris takes the knee out to put Nash down. Jericho stomps away on the bad knee in the corner as the announcers get in every possible nickname they can think of for either guy. Nash comes back with a side slam but Jericho hits him low for a DQ.

Rating: D-. Nothing to see here and it might as well have been attached to the previous segment. I was liking Nash being stuck in the lower midcard but you knew he wasn’t going to lower himself down to that point for very long. There was nothing to see here, but you can pretty much guess that it’s just a way to advance to another point in the story.

Post match Nash snaps and destroys Jericho, dropping him face first into an exposed buckle to bust him open. Nash does it again but Jericho bails into the crowd before Nash can hit him with the steps.

We look back at the opening sequence.

Hurricane thinks something is wrong with Rosey and wants to know whatsupwithdat. Rosey, the Superhero in Training, said that he was at the airport (must have been with Kevin Nash) today and someone called him a big piece of…..yeah. Maybe Rosey can have half a match and a beach towel, but one day he’ll have hurri-powers. Rosey tries to fly but goes and sits down instead. This was basically saying “yeah this is still going.”.

Bischoff yells at the guards for opening the van doors to give Kane some air.

Rob Van Dam has a severe concussion and JR is out of the hospital.

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak

La Resistance is defending and the Dudley Boyz are on commentary. Jindrak and Cade won a non-title match on Heat to set this up, because the tag division is so deep that you can have the champs lose clean falls. Cade shoulders Dupree down to start and a second version sends him to the floor. Back in and a double dropkick gets two on Rene and Jindrak hits a regular version to keep him in trouble.

Cade comes in for some right hands as the fans want tables. A hot shot (to the middle rope) cuts Cade off though and the champs take over. The threat of a flag shot brings the Dudleys down for a save and we take a break. Back with Jindrak coming in for more dropkicks and one of the highest backdrops I’ve seen in a long time. Maybe if he did that more than just dropkick everyone, he could have stayed in Evolution. Everything breaks down and the double spinebuster puts Jindrak away to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. The French guys are rapidly hitting their ceiling but there’s only so much you can do when you have the Dudleys and virtually no one else to face. It also doesn’t help that your whole characters are “we’re French”. Jindrak and Cade are fine for some pretty boys, but you have a limited amount of chances with the first name Garrison. Was someone watching South Park and got pressed for a name?

Post match the beatdown is teased but the Dudleys come in for the save. That lasts all of five seconds before some flag shots leave the good guys laying.

Kane is let out of the van but isn’t in a good mood.

Women’s Title: Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly

Gail is defending after Molly pinned her in a tag match last week. Kim armbars her to start as Lawler goes straight into the “all women hate each other” speech. The rope walk armdrag is broken up as Molly shoves her out to the floor in a heap. It’s off to a bow and arrow hold for a few moments until Kim snaps off a headscissors. Some rollups give Gail two and she gets in the required hurricanrana for the same. The top rope hurricanrana is broken up though and the Molly Go Round gives Holly the title.

Rating: D. They didn’t have a choice here as Kim was bombing out there as champion. I know she would get better in later years but it REALLY wasn’t working at this point and there’s no way around that. Somehow, Kim would never win another title in WWE. You really would think they would have gone back to her at some point but it just never happened. The match was nothing of course and just a way to give us the necessary title change.

Here’s Vince to address Kane face to face. Kane is brought out in shackles but Vince wants them removed. They go face to face in the ring with Vince insulting him but then shifting to the idea of having a monster in the palm of his hand. Before he can get too far though, here’s Austin to interrupt, giving us that amazing look that only Vince hearing Austin’s music can bring.

Austin gets straight to the point: he’s continuing as General Manager, which means he can’t beat people up without being physically provoked. Therefore, he wants Kane to provoke him RIGHT NOW. Austin insults him a few times and literally sticks his chin out while begging Kane to hit him. Kane backs up instead but here’s the returning Shane McMahon to beat Kane up instead. Shane hits some chair shots to knock Kane up the ramp and a big one sends him off the stage. Kane sits up and laughs to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Well that didn’t work. With no good matches in sight and almost nothing that makes me want to see Summerslam (at least on the Raw side), this show did little more than make me want to watch Smackdown. Somehow HHH vs. Goldberg might be the most interesting thing on this show and that’s really not saying much. Shane vs. Kane makes my head hurt as you have Rob Van Dam, as in an actual wrestler, there to face Kane instead. Really bad show here, which you knew was coming sooner or later.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6