Oh now this could be fun. So what we have here is a set of instructions given to the announcers from a few years back. It should be VERY interesting to see some of these details and the rules/ideas they’re told to follow. I’ve read through the list and a lot of them aren’t worth commenting on, but there are some major points of interest. Check out the whole list as it’s interesting information that you will likely say “THANK YOU!” to more than once, but here are some highlights. All of the following are direct quotes.
Note that these are from 2011 at the latest so not everything is going to be completely up to date but it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Here are the originals if you want to see them:
1. Play by play announcers cannot be emasculated by their broadcast partners.
WOW. They’re getting right to the hypocritical nature of this right off the bat. After all the time that we had to hear Cole rip on JR (even making it a recurring in ring segment), they actually told them beforehand to not emasculate their colleagues. Does Cole work on a different planet or something?
2. Announcers should rarely lead our fans. Let them decide for themselves if they like a Superstar or dislike him.
Yeah screw that face/heel stuff. I know Orton kissed HHH’s unconscious wife and lied about some mental disorder, but does that really make him a bad guy?
3. Announcers ARE NOT THE STARS.
I think we’ve covered this already but dang did they switch this up soon when Vince started liking Cole as Miz’s fanboy.
4. All announcers must read WWE.com every week.
That’s actually a really smart one. Announcers should sound like they know what they’re talking about and should be the experts guiding us through the shows. This is hammered in multiple times and is a very, very good idea.
5. Never assume the viewer watched last week’s broadcast or that they watch any of the other of the WWE brands.
This is one that a lot of big fans forget. Yeah we watch most of if not all of the shows, but there’s always someone flipping through the channels who might not have ever seen a wrestling show before. If they watch it and have no idea what’s going on, why would they keep watching? Get them hooked in and keep saying the details. You don’t have to recap everything, but “Owens has disrespected Cena week after week and Cena wants revenge” tells you almost everything you need to know about their feud in five seconds. Throwing in “Owens, on your left and Cena on your right” wouldn’t hurt either.
6. This is television, not radio. We don’t need to call every move a Superstar makes.
A-FREAKING-MEN! This used to drive me crazy about Joey Styles. I can see what’s going on and I don’t need to be told every single freaking thing that is going on. Cut that nonsense out.
7. DON’T SCREAM!
Yeah yeah yeah we know. You hate Jim Ross and think he was the worst thing ever. Let it go already.
8. Don’t call a move before it happens. If this is so predictable, why are we watching?
Dang Maggle. Steve Austin just kicked someone in the stomach and grabbed their head. You think he might be going for a snapmare next?
9. Our fans are always interested in what happens “in the locker room” or “away from the arena.”
Yes they are. What they’re not interested in is WWE trying to jack up their social media numbers by showing Ambrose walking around with the title on Instagram. Why you ask? BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE IS ON FREAKING INSTAGRAM AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA NUMBERS!
10. Humor is good when it is used in a timely fashion. We are there primarily to inform and entertain.
Wait….so this is Vince’s vision of NOT being funny? Who says that man is out of touch?
11. Do not use pronouns.
This is a rare occasion where speaking like Stephanie is a good thing. There’s nothing wrong with saying “Cena is in trouble” over and over, but you don’t have to use the proper names for everything.
12. Everyone hates being told what to think.
The hypocrisy here speaks for itself.
13. Nobody knows dates, everybody knows when “in two weeks”, “tomorrow”, etc is.
Yes, because everyone on the planet sees this show at the exact same time on the exact same day of the week right? Also, it doesn’t help when on Raw, you say a pay per view is in two weeks when it’s a week and six days. That’s not two weeks, no matter how many times you say it is. Yeah I know what you mean, but if someone is new at this, how do they know when it is? They’re watching this show on Monday, so why would they not think that a big show is going to be taking place in two weeks instead of a regular Raw? “Well that’s not how it works.” Really? It’s how NXT works. Why should a fan think Raw is different?
Words to Avoid
Belt/strap. This has been around for a long time and it’s still stupid. No one cares.
The business/our industry. Unless you’re HHH right?
War. Unless you’re HHH right?
Shot (no title shots). As I have said many times, WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT THIS???
Now for some memos.
Per Kevin Dunn: “Please never use the words “title changing hands” again. Titles are won or lost, they don’t change hands.”
As has been said time after time: Kevin Dunn is an idiot.
Sent by Steph: “Vince would like to reinforce to all announcers NOT to say “the referee didn’t see it” when the referee didn’t see an illegal action. It makes the product feel cheap, like we’re in grade school. It is ok to say “the referee’s vision was impaired”. Or “the referee’s vision was blocked”…
Cheap? How does this make it sound cheap? Or for that matter how does it make us sound like we’re in grade school?
The levels of micromanagement this company has astounds me. I mean, not being able to say a referee didn’t see something? That’s the biggest worry they have? I can easily see why no one wants to stick around on this job and I continue to praise Cole’s ability to not put a gun in his mouth.
New Column: Foley Is Really, Really Good
Since my all time favorite is turning 50 this weekend, this felt appropriate.
Checked it out today and while I won’t go through it step by step, there was one thing that caught my attention.Near the end where Austin and Heyman teased a match against Lesnar next year at Wrestlemania (no I don’t think it’s happening but there’s always a chance), Austin turned into the Rattlesnake in the blink of an eye. That sort of thing always amazes me as they just morph into a character like it’s nothing. Foley is great at this sort of thing too and it goes along with what you hear old timers talk about: you’re not playing a character. You ARE that character. It’s a very different way of portraying someone and the old way is almost always the most effective.
Wrestling Wars Podcast Episode 10
Come enjoy us breaking down Elimination Chamber as well as discussing a topic that might get some people talking: has Cena surpassed Austin?
This is actually from the latest Steve Austin Show and it almost made me cheer for him while I was listening.In a discussion of always facing the hard camera, here’s what he said (paraphrased):
“If I do a move or a spot and one of the 6-8 cameras they have around the ring doesn’t pick it up, that’s on them. I’m busy trying to put on an entertaining match and it might not make sense to turn to the camera.”
The other day I was watching Hogan vs. Warrior at Wrestlemania VI and Hogan puts Warrior in a chinlock with his back to the camera. A camera on the floor went around and got a good shot of the hold and nothing changed. Back then, the match was considered a classic and one of Hogan’s best ever. Today, he’d probably be lectured about how to properly work a match and how there is ONE AND ONLY ONE way to get over, because all that jazz Hogan did just isn’t the same as looking at a specific camera and saying whatever catchphrase is on a t-shirt that month.
In Your House XIV: I Knew They Could Do It
In Your House #15: A Cold Day In Hell Date: May 11, 1997
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 9,381
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
Things are still bad for the WWF but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, assuming you have a telescope with you. At the moment nothing is working from a business standpoint due to WCW and the NWO angle destroying everything that dares cross their path. Things will eventually improve and a lot of it is because of what’s going on right now. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is nearly religious in nature with shots of a cross and narrated by Undertaker, talking about how Armageddon is near. Austin counters by saying there’s nothing that can save Undertaker. Well done stuff here.
The announcers run down the card to start the show. Kind of an odd choice given that the people seeing it would have already paid for the show at this point.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Flash Funk
The Funkettes are now gone but the house set’s window has been replaced by a standard small video screen. HHH now has Chyna as his full time bodyguard. Flash pushes HHH into the corner before shaking his hips a bit. A hiptoss and a dropkick put Helmsley down and we hit the armbar. There are five empty front row seats for the now complete Hart Foundation if they show up later. Back up and another dropkick puts HHH on the floor and a middle rope clothesline drops HHH again. The referee goes out to break things up but the distraction allows Chyna to blast Flash in the back of the head.
Back in and a facebuster puts Funk down again and a Chyna forearm gives HHH two. A knee drop gets the same and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so it’s a jumping knee to the face to put Funk on the apron again. HHH pounds away at the chest and another knee sends Funk to the floor, ramming him head first into the stage.
They head back inside with HHH going up but jumping into Flash’s boot to put both guys down. A hard clothesline puts HHH down and a spinning legdrop is good for two. There’s a top rope crossbody for the same but Flash pulls up at two for some reason. Flash goes up for the moonsault but gets crotched down. A release belly to back superplex from HHH sets up the Pedigree for the pin.
Rating: C-. Not bad here and a decent little squash here for HHH. It also helped to establish Chyna as a bonus threat in HHH’s corner which would become a much bigger deal for him in the future. Funk was going to change his gimmick soon and be just Scorpio, as he probably should have been the entire time.
Post match Chyna easily lifts Funk onto her shoulders, walks him across the ring and crotches him down on the top rope.
We get some UFC footage of Ken Shamrock before the letters UFC meant anything to most fans.
Ken Shamrock says he’ll be in his zone for the match with Vader.
Rocky Maivia vs. Mankind
Maivia has lost the Intercontinental Title to Owen Hart so this is a non-title match. Before the match Rocky says he thinks success might have come to him too soon. Rocky scores with a few dropkicks to start and clotheslines Mankind out to the floor. Back in and a powerslam puts Mankind down again and it’s off to a hammerlock. Mankind finally ducks a shot from Rocky to send him to the floor. A cannonball attack off the apron puts Maivia down again and Mankind is in control.
Back in and Mankind pounds Rocky down into the corner before driving a running knee into his head. Rocky fights back but a double clothesline puts both guys down. Something resembling a snapmare over the top puts Mankind on the floor again as the match turns into a brawl. The move that would become known as the Rock Bottom slams Mankind into the steel ramp and back inside they go. Rocky gets two off his floatover DDT but Mankind comes right back with a discus lariat. A dropkick stuns Mankind so Rocky can go up top for his cross body, but Mankind rolls through and puts on the Mandible Claw for the win.
Rating: C. I liked this better than the opener with Rocky continuing to lose after having such a hot streak to open his career. The counter to end the match worked quite well and that’s what you need for a match like this. We’ll definitely be coming back to this pairing near the end of the series.
Ad for the Austin 3:16 shirt. To call this a success is the understatement of the year.
We recap Crush trying to beat three guys in a row on Raw to show up Ahmed, but in true wrestling fashion, Ahmed was the third man and destroyed Crush.
Nation of Domination vs. Ahmed Johnson
This is a gauntlet match and if Ahmed can win, the Nation has to disband. Gorilla Monsoon ejects all the other members so that it’s one on one the entire time. It’ll be Crush starting for the Nation but Ahmed pounds away on him to start. An ax kick to the back of Crush’s head puts him down but Ahmed misses an elbow drop. Crush kicks Johnson in the chest and gets two off a middle rope clothesline. A suplex gets the same but Johnson comes back with an ugly looking sitout gordbuster for two.
We hit the sleeper from Crush and Ahmed is in trouble for a few moments. Crush waves the Nation down to ringside but they all stand pat. A piledriver puts Johnson down again but Crush looks at the Nation again instead of covering. Crush’s heart punch is countered into a spinning heel kick to the face for a fast pin.
A limping Savio Vega is in next but walks into a quick backdrop for two. Some clotheslines put him down again but he comes back with a spinwheel kick in the corner to stagger Johnson. Savio’s ankle seems perfectly fine and Ross thinks something is up. Vega goes after Johnson’s back as the match slows down.
Ahmed quickly breaks up a chinlock and hiptosses Savio down, only to miss a middle rope splash. Savio misses the running version though and a belly to back suplex gets two for Johnson. Ahmed calls for the Pearl River Plunge so Vega bails to the outside. Savio grabs a chair and blasts Johnson for the DQ, but the damage is already done.
That leaves Johnson vs. Faarooq with the latter’s arm in a sling. The sling lasts about five seconds and Faarooq pounds away even more. JR talks about Faarooq starting out as Ron Simmons and playing college football (JR’s obsession) but Johnson comes back with a spinebuster. Ahmed hits the Pearl River Plunge but the delayed cover only gets two, freaking the crowd out. A quick chop block from Faarooq sets up his Dominator finisher for the pin.
Rating: D. Johnson is not the kind of guy that you want to wrestle three straight matches like this. The guy had an awesome look and incredible power, but there’s only so much you can do with his limited skill set. The crowd died when Johnson got pinned as well, which isn’t a good idea given that heels are undefeated on this show.
We recap Vader vs. Ken Shamrock, which is really nothing of note. The match was announced and they stared at each other a lot.
Vader vs. Ken Shamrock
This is submission or knockout only. Feeling out process to start until Shamrock starts firing off some kicks to the legs. A kimura (standing armbar) sends Vader running to the ropes. More kicks to the legs have Vader in trouble and an attempted suplex sends him out to the floor. Back in and Vader stops trying to be smart and just pounds away at the ribs, only to have Shamrock easily German suplex him down. Some headbutts get Vader nowhere as Shamrock tries an ankle lock, his signature move in the UFC.
More kicks tot he legs and a spinning kick to the face have Vader staggered as this is getting repetitive. Vader throws Shamrock around and hits a HARD clothesline to take over. The big man lays on Shamrock’s arm but it doesn’t work that well since he’s probably never used a submission hold other than a bearhug. Shamrock counters into a kind of triangle choke but Vader lifts him up and drops him down to escape. Vader lifts him up and just casually drops him over the top, sending Shamrock down in a great looking crash.
Ken is sent face first into the steps and Vader’s nose is bleeding. Back in and Vader pounds away in the corner as this needs to wrap up soon. Vader lays on Shamrock’s legs and pulls on the ankle a bit until the fans finally start caring about the match. Shamrock is sent into the corner for a big beatdown and gets the same treatment in another corner. Vader’s moonsault mostly hits even though it wasn’t supposed to due to Shamrock not rolling away fast enough. Now it’s Shamrock pounding away in the corner but another HARD right hand puts him down. Not that it matters though as Ken trips Vader and wins with a quick ankle lock.
Rating: D. This is a hard one to grade because the match itself was horrible but they were trying something very different out there. Shamrock would get WAY better with more ring time but his early days weren’t pretty at all. Granted having Vader in there wasn’t the best idea in the world given how much of a hothead he could be.
Vader has trouble getting up due to the kicks to his legs being a bit too real and the ankle lock having a bit too much torque.
Austin doesn’t care that the Hart Foundation might be here for his match.
WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Undertaker
The Hart Foundation shows up right before the bell, complete with Bret in a wheelchair (due to Austin’s attack). Austin jumps the champion to start but Undertaker fires off right hands of his own and sends Steve into the buckle. Steve bails to the floor and immediately pulls Brian Pillman over the barricade to pound on him a bit, only to have Undertaker punch Pillman back into the crowd. Back in and Undertaker gets two off a nice jumping clothesline before driving his shoulder into Austin’s over and over.
Old School connects for two as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for in this one. Austin pulls him down into a headlock on the mat but has to kick out of a few rollup attempts. Undertaker fights up but almost immediately gets taken back down in another headlock. They get up again and Austin actually backflips out of a suplex, which you aren’t likely to ever see again. A chop block puts Undertaker down but he pulls himself into the corner and fires off right hands. Austin heads to the floor and trips Undertaker down so he can wrap the leg around the post.
Steve tries to slam the knee into the post again but Undertaker pulls his legs back, sending Austin face first into the post instead. The champion can’t follow up though and Austin stomps on the knee even more. He hooks an STF of all things but Taker makes it to the rope. Austin tries to cannonball down onto the leg but Undertaker kicks him up and over the ropes to take over for the first time in awhile.
Now Undertaker goes after Austin’s heavily braced leg, which really should have happened more often than it did. Off to a half crab from the champion but Austin makes the rope. Undertaker misses a big boot and Austin takes out the leg he was working on earlier to regain control. Undertaker kicks his way out of a leg lock so Austin slams the back of the leg down onto the apron. A suplex gets two for Austin and he breaks up another Old School attempt by crotching Undertaker on top.
Taker breaks up a superplex attempt and tries a sleeper but Austin jawbreaks his way to freedom. They slug it out again with Undertaker gaining control again in the corner. Austin kicks him very low and the referee is fine with letting it continue. He yells at Austin though, allowing Undertaker to kick Austin low. A chokeslam puts Austin down but he rolls to the apron. Back in and Austin hits a quick Stunner but Brian Pillman jumps the barricade and rings the bell before the cover. Austin yells at Pillman, allowing Undertaker to tombstone Austin for the pin to retain.
Rating: B. This was one heck of a fight with the ending both advancing stories and giving Austin a way to save face. Notice that he had the title won but shenanigans saved Undertaker. Also, it was Undertaker’s own move and nothing physical from Austin that got the pin. Both guys look strong and we get a definitive pin. That’s smart, efficient booking.
The Harts immediately jump the railing after the bell and go after the Undertaker, but they leave the wheelchair bound Bret alone. Austin goes after Bret and steals his crutch to clean house in the ring. Undertaker raises the title and gets a Stunner to end the show because that’s the kind of guy Austin is.
Overall Rating: C+. The Border War has breathed new life into this company and things are definitely picking up. At this point it’s clear that Austin is the future but he’s not quite there yet. The handling of Austin and the patience the WWF had with him is very impressive as they could have hotshotted the title to him at any point in 1997 but they held off for the big stage. The rest of the show is certainly acceptable, though the Shamrock vs. Vader match is pretty rough. Things are looking up though for the first time in many, many months.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
You know what we haven’t had in a long time in WWE?A good mystery. Like a masked man, someone attacking others in the back but not getting caught, a mystery opponent (that was properly built up), finding out who was behind something, figuring out what something meant (like a logo/symbol being left backstage) etc. Everything is revealed in like a week at most and there’s no waiting on anything. Remember the search for Vince’s child, or who ran over Austin, or finding out what the Taz logo was? Mix it up a little and let us wait every now and then.
Monday Night Raw – March 17, 2003: We Must Defend HHH’s Legacy!!!
Monday Night Raw Date: March 17, 2003
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
With two shows to go before Wrestlemania, it’s really hard to care about what’s going on right now. Is it really any wonder why Smackdown was beating them at this point? Rock is trying as hard as he can on these shows but my goodness he needs ANYTHING else to help him carry things. Maybe that can be Shawn vs. Jericho but it would help if they actually did something. Let’s get to it.
We open, again, with Bischoff, who says that his match with Austin will be a handicap match. He makes it even bigger by saying the Raw superstars will be the lumberjacks. Thanks for clarifying that as I was thinking it might be, like, the 1984 Atlanta Hawks or the cast of Tremors: The Series.
Chief Morley/Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane
Morley threatens the Dudleys with SEVERE consequences if they interfere here. The fans chant USA which tells me one of two things: they want Van Dam to win this on his own or they have no idea that Kane is from Spain. The monster slugs Morley down in the corner and drops him with a clothesline before tagging Van Dam in for the first time. Something like Rolling Thunder gets two on Morley but he drops Van Dam on the top rope to take over.
Rob’s attempts at speeding things up again are broken up by Lance grabbing his leg (clearly still mad at Rob’s post match promo at Barely Legal), allowing the Chief to get two off a good DDT. Morley shows some intelligence by going after the legs but Rob gets two off a rollup and brings Kane back in. Storm gets a tag as well and Kane beats him up as a greeting. The top rope clothesline plants Storm but Morley makes the save, only to get kicked in the face by Van Dam. Everything breaks down and Kane chokeslams Storm for the pin.
Rating: C. I’m so glad Vitamin C beat Kane and Van Dam last week. It makes so much more sense after this match you see. Kane and Van Dam are one of the hottest acts on the show and thankfully they’re getting a nice push as a result. I mean, I can’t picture them taking the titles off of whatever combination of Morley/Storm/Regal winds up with the belts but they’re hot at the moment and make for a good opening match.
Morley rolls away from a post match Five Star but the Dudleys come out…..and put Kane through a table. Well of course they do.
Post break the Dudleys say they hate what they just had to do but need to feed their families. Simple story but at least it makes sense and was an actual explanation for a change.
Here are HHH and Flair with something to say. The champ doesn’t like the idea of Booker thinking that he deserves a title shot so get out here right now and take this beating like a man. Instead he gets Goldust, which isn’t exactly what he had in mind. JR screams that he’s back despite being on the show last week. Goldust says that HHH’s performance may have been Oscar worthy, but deep down (“down there”) in the cock cock cockles of his heart, he must know that you can’t judge a book by its cornbread. This still isn’t funny if that wasn’t clear.
HHH and Flair crack up and HHH imitates the catchphrases with the stutter, so Goldust lays both guys out. That lasts as long as you would expect it to but Booker T. comes out to save us from the stupid angle and Goldust from a Pedigree. They do realize the WORLD TITLE match is in 13 days right? And this is the best they can do? Goldust saying unfunny lines after being electrocuted is supposed to set up a World Title match at the biggest show of the year? I’m starting to understand why this show is so hated.
HHH wants Goldust later tonight.
Rico vs. Maven
You can literally see them going to the concession stands as the bell rings. They trade headlocks to start and Maven shifts over into an armbar. Can you blame the sudden nacho runs? Oh wait let’s cut to Rock arriving, which is probably more interesting than what we’ve got going on here. Rico scores with some kicks, aided by a cheap shot from Jamal and Rosey. Maven comes back with kicks and a neckbreaker, followed by a bulldog for two. More 3MW interference sets up a neckbreaker but Maven counters into a backslide for the pin.
Rating: D-. Oh just…..yeah. This is another good example of having no idea what else to do with your two hours so they just throw two guys out there to kill the crowd. Maybe it would help if you had some stories to tell instead of HHH crushing everyone in sight and Rock having to do whatever he can to drag a bored Austin to one last match. Or maybe you could have a midcard title instead of having HHH be CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING.
Shawn and Austin had a discussion about Shawn being a lumberjack. This is news, despite Bischoff saying the entire roster would be at ringside. Austin, as expected, really doesn’t care.
Teddy Long tells Rock that Rodney Mack will take care of Hurricane next. Rodney Mack says the same thing, marking the biggest moment of his career: that time he was on camera with the Rock.
Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack
Mack gets rolled up for an early two and Hurricane elbows him in the jaw for good measure, only to have Teddy Long grab his foot to break it up. Rodney drops some elbows for two but Hurricane hits his usual, including the Shining Wizard. The high cross body and Blockbuster look to set up the chokeslam but Rock runs in for the DQ. This is where the booking goes out the window as there was no reason for Hurricane to not get a pin here. The DQ was just a waste, but at least Hurricane didn’t get pinned.
Rock beats him down post match with stomps and a chair. The idea is supposed to be that Rock is losing his cool over Austin, which they’re somehow doing without having Austin show up that often.
Jazz/Trish Stratus vs. Victoria/Steven Richards
Trish vs. Victoria vs. Jazz is set for Wrestlemania. Maybe this match can go on longer than 20 seconds. Before the match we get a creepy video of Victoria sounding like she wants to sleep with the title. Jazz and Victoria slap it out to start with the former getting the better of it but Victoria gets two off a powerslam. That’s fine with Jazz who gets the same result off the same move, but shockingly enough, NO ONE CARES ABOUT JAZZ. Off to Trish to wake the fans up a bit, including due to a Chick Kick for two.
A victory roll is quickly countered with a faceplant as Lawler says he’d always hook Trish’s leg. Steven tries to get involved and gets Victoria’s head shoved into his crotch. The Stratusphere takes Steven down but Victoria throws her around by the hair. Lawler freaks out over a shot of Trish’s chest but she avoids a slingshot legdrop. Richards crotches himself in the corner and Jazz short arms Trish on a tag attempt. A Sky High from Richards sets up the Widow’s Peak to give Victoria the pin.
Rating: D+. Was there really no one else they could put in this story other than Jazz? The fans like Victoria and Trish but my goodness they just died once Jazz came in. Oh and then she walked out on the match and fans still didn’t care. There are some wrestlers that fans just can’t get behind no matter what and Jazz is one of them.
Jeff Hardy runs out to save Trish and gets a kiss for his efforts.
Video on Shawn’s career at Wrestlemania, which is the biggest night of the year for him. This was around the time where he started being considered Mr. Wrestlemania.
Chris Jericho says he wanted to be Shawn Michaels but now he wants to end him.
Stacy tells Test that she’s found him a perfect tag partner and leaves. Test has Torrie Wilson’s Playboy and has to hide it from her. To recap, Test is dating Stacy Keibler and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him.
Test/Scott Steiner vs. Christian/Chris Jericho
Oh man it’s the start of THIS story. Test charges the ring to start and elbows Jericho in the face. Steiner gets in some shots on the floor but it’s quickly off to Christian, who eats a shoulder as well. We get the tag to Steiner, who somehow was in the World Title scene just a few weeks ago. The flexing elbow into push-ups gets two and it’s back to Test. Keeping Steiner out of the ring most of the time is a good thing for this match.
Jericho gets in a cheap shot from the apron, allowing Christian to hit a spinwheel kick on Test. That advantage goes nowhere as it’s already back to Steiner for Rick Steiner’s powerslam/backdrop on Christian. Scared to death of the idea of having to deal with Scott Steiner, Christian grabs the referee and kicks Scott low before bringing Chris back in. That earns the king of the world a belly to belly (that’s one) and another tag brings in Test.
Jericho quickly escapes a powerbomb and everything breaks down. The evil Canadians are sent into each other and Test’s pumphandle slam plants Jericho but Christian makes the save. Belly to belly #2 sends Jericho flying but this time the powerbomb connects with Christian breaking up another save. Christian goes after Stacy and Steiner makes the save, only to have Test get distracted, allowing Jericho to grab a rollup for the pin.
Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but why is Jericho feuding with Test instead of Shawn Michaels, as in the guy he’s fighting at WRESTLEMANIA in two weeks? This was nothing special or even good for the most part with the majority of the match being spent on wasting time until we finally got to the point. As mentioned, Steiner has fallen a long way in just a few weeks and it’s not likely to get better anytime soon.
HHH vs. Goldust
Non-title of course. Booker and Flair are the seconds as WWE suddenly remembers that HHH and Booker are fighting soon. Feeling out process to start until Goldust hits him in the face for the first shot. More right hands from Goldust set up a right hand from HHH to take over as it’s pretty clear they’re not in the mood to try here. HHH sends the injured (from the electrocution) arm into the post a few times and we hit the armbar. Goldust starts fighting back but that’s too threatening to HHH’s legacy as a main event star so he plants Goldust with the spinebuster.
Something like a Boss Man Slam puts HHH down and Goldust gets two off a clothesline. Again HHH feels the power of insecurity and sends Goldust outside where Booker beats up Flair. The injured Randy Orton gets in a crutch shot from the crowd to knock Booker silly but Goldust hits the bulldog on HHH. The arm gives out before he can try Shattered Dreams and it’s jumping knee into the Pedigree to give HHH the soul redeeming pin.
Rating: D. I don’t know about you, but I feel so much better now that HHH has overcome career midcarder Goldust and his neurological issues. It was getting pretty dicey there and you could see HHH’s entire Hall of Fame career melting away every second he was down from a clothesline. I mean……HE WAS HAVING TO SELL SOMETHING! Oh and get used to seeing Booker down and out like that, because you know that’s what’s coming at Wrestlemania.
Bischoff is warming up when Rock comes in with his guitar to sing about beating up Hurricane. Rock is thinking about having a Rock Concert right here in St. Louis but there are too many ugly women in this town. Next week in Sacramento sounds a bit better. What doesn’t sound better is having a lumberjack match, because all those guys around the ring make Bischoff look bad.
Instead, make it No DQ and Rock will be there to have Bischoff’s back. So why set up the lumberjack match in the first place??? Just set up the No DQ and go with that. It’s like changing Smackdown matches today: just get it right in the first place and you won’t have to keep pulling these bait and switches.
Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
No DQ and Morley is with Bischoff. Eric wisely runs away to start so Austin beats up Morley as a warm-up. A right hand puts Bischoff down and the mudhole is stomped. He puts Eric in a Boston crab of all things but Morley offers a distraction for the break. That’s not enough for the Chief as he comes in for a low blow but Austin easily beats them both up. Cue Rock for a Stunner on Austin but Bischoff can only get two. Rock comes back in to stomp on Austin but misses the Elbow. A clothesline sends Rock to the floor and Morley and Bischoff both get Stunners for the pin.
Rating: F. Yeah whatever. What else do you want me to say here? The only note: this was Austin’s last match on Raw to date and likely ever. That’s how Austin, the greatest superstar of this era, goes out: beating up Bischoff and Val Venis in a nothing match to set up a match at Wrestlemania. It kind of makes you think that you never know when you’ll never see these guys in the ring again.
Austin gets a Rock Bottom and Rock sips at a beer to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. How in the world was this leading up to one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time? These shows lately have been horrible and it’s like they have no idea what they’re doing going forward. Shawn vs. Jericho is barely getting any build other than the superkick last week and HHH is squashing everyone he can find while Booker is lucky to win a tag match. Nothing to see on this show and it’s becoming very clear why this show is so loathed among fans.
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