Thunder
Date: June 24, 1998
Location: Orlando Arena, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re still closing in on Bash at the Beach where, in case you didn’t hear it 948 times on Nitro, the main event will have basketball players wrestling. Nitro was one of the most annoying shows I can remember in a very long time, meaning things almost have to be better tonight. Granted I’ve said that before and been very, very wrong. Let’s get to it.

We open with, naturally, a video on Malone/Page vs. Hogan/Rodman. It’s at Bash at the Beach you know.

Here are Giant and Vincent with something to say. Giant, between puffs, says that he wants a tag title match tonight but knows Nash isn’t in the building. Sting has to find a partner and put the belts on the line for no adequately explored reason. Either way, that appears to be the main event.

Public Enemy vs. Raven/Sick Boy

Man how much were they paying Public Enemy for this many appearances in a row? Naturally they bring a table to the ring with them. Before the match, Raven says everyone is looking for the chance to end his career. The match is under Raven’s Rules, which really isn’t even worthy of an announcement anymore. Sick Boy pounds on Rocco’s arm to start as the other two are actually standing on the apron. Off to Grunge for a double flapjack so Sick Boy tags out to Raven.

A neckbreaker puts Raven down and it’s back to Rocco for a double suplex. Everything breaks down as the wrestling nonsense is completely forgotten. Grunge puts Raven in a sleeper (Heenan: “THEY KNOW A HOLD!”) but Sick Boy makes the save and things settle down. Sick Boy stomps Grunge down in the corner but gets caught in a faceplant to put both guys down.

Raven points Sick Boy back to the ring instead of tagging and everything breaks down again. Rocco gets crotched on the top to prevent Sick Boy from going through the table. Saturn comes out and blasts Raven in the head with a piece of metal before splashing him through the table. Back in the ring and the Drive By is enough to put Sick Boy away.

Rating: D. The lack of hardcore stuff (for the most part) was a surprise but there’s a reason why Public Enemy didn’t do much traditional wrestling. They weren’t horrible for the most part but the match was nothing much to see. The Saturn vs. Raven blowoff match should be fun when we get there though.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Hugh Morrus

Guerrero is still looking over his shoulder for his crazy nephew and Morrus pounds away on him to start. Eddie finally gets away for a bit and dropkicks the knee out before hitting a nice headscissors. The fans chant for Chavo and Eddie freaks out but stays on the knee like a good villain. Morrus makes his comeback with a quick slam but misses an elbow off the top. Chavo comes out to a big reaction and the distraction lets Hugh slam Eddie off the top and hit the moonsault for the pin. More storyline development though the same thing we got on Nitro.

Here are Sting and Konnan with something to say. Konnan does his usual stuff which still sounds ridiculous. In short, Sting accepts the challenge and picks Luger as his partner but Luger is nowhere in sight. Sting goes back to get him which might mean something later on. Sting in a ponytail doesn’t work for me here.

Mike Tenay tries to talk to Benoit in the back but gets chased off by Arn Anderson. The camera picks up Benoit talking about the Horsemen being alive again but Anderson saying that it’s over.

Stevie Ray vs. Sumo Fuji

Fuji might be someone from Dragon Gate but I can’t find much on him. Ray easily pounds him down into the corner and beats on him with forearms while talking a lot of trash. While saying sucka a lot, Stevie sends him to the floor and tells Booker to watch how it’s done. Back in and a big boot sets up something like Page’s Pancake for the win. Sumo didn’t get in a single bit of offense.

Here’s Jericho to jump around the set to start before waving to the crowd like the condescending jerk that he is. He wants the fans to want him because he’s the paragon of virtue and the Cruiserweight Champion. On top of that though, he’s the top legal eagle and knows all of the loopholes, meaning he’ll defend the title inside of 30 days but not against Malenko. This brings out JJ who says if Jericho spent as much time defending the title as he did finding ways to not face the top challengers, there’s no way of telling how great he would be. JJ says he’s changing the rules and it’s Malenko vs. Jericho at Bash at the Beach.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon

Tony wastes no time in ignoring the match to talk about the sports stars wrestling at the PPV. Dragon takes him down with a quick headlock but Jericho is quickly back on his feet. A back elbow puts Jericho down and Dragon does his headstand in the corner. We hit the chinlock by the challenger but Jericho fights up and we take a break. Back with Jericho getting two off the arrogant cover and doing the long strut. Jericho tries the Lionsault but Dragon pops up and dropkicks him in the ribs.

The Dragon Sleeper is quickly countered and Chris sends him to the apron, only to miss a charge and fall to the floor. Asai Moonsault takes Jericho out and they head back inside to trade rollups for two. A dragon suplex gets two for Jericho and he hooks the Liontamer but it’s right next to the ropes. Dragon escapes a powerbomb and fires off some kicks, only to get caught in a powerslam for a close two. Jericho loads up a suplex and says it’s for Dean’s dead daddy but Dragon reverses into the Dragon Sleeper. Before Jericho can submit though here’s Dean for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This is the kind of match that WCW has been missing for the last few weeks. They let two talented guys go out there and fly around the ring for ten minutes which hasn’t happened in far too long. People often forget how good Jericho was in the ring at this point since he’s mainly remembered for his antics, which is a shame because he could put on good matches like this at any time.

Dragon yells at Dean, allowing Jericho to get away.

We get a sitdown interview with Scott Steiner and Eric Bischoff where Scott narrates a Steiner Brothers tag match, saying he did all the work while Rick got the glory.

DDP and Malone will be on Nitro. Joy.

Jim Duggan vs. Barbarian

They slug it out to start with the big, heavy handed punches you would expect from these two. Barbarian makes a quick comeback and punches Duggan down before kicking him in the face. The top rope headbutt misses and Duggan pounds away with ten punches in the corner. Cue Hugh Morrus to throw the 2×4 to Barbarian, only to have Duggan clothesline him down and drop a knee for the pin. At least it was short.

Jericho tries to get Dragon to get a title shot at the PPV but Malenko chases Jericho off.

Chris Benoit/Steve McMichael vs. Disco Inferno/Alex Wright

Alex and Chris get us going with Wright actually taking him down and stomping away. Benoit comes back with chops to both dancers before Mongo comes in to clear the ring. We take a break and come back with Wright tagging in Disco to face the Canadian. Benoit takes him into the corner and hits the skin ripping chops to the chest. I don’t know if it’s something about Disco’s chest or just bad luck but he takes the loudest chops I can remember.

The fans want Flair but get Mongo instead to pound on Inferno even more. A tilt-a-whirl powerslam gets two on Disco and it’s back to Benoit as the announcers talk about Heenan spying on basketball players. Benoit tries the Crossface on Disco but Wright makes the save, drawing everyone in at once. Things settle down with Alex hitting a release belly to belly on Benoit for two. They chop it out until Alex hits a running clothesline in the corner to take over.

Back to Disco for a slam and some dancing. Heenan goes into managing mode by yelling at Disco for not following up like he should. Wright comes back in to stomp away as Heenan comes up with names for Disco and Alex, including the Twinkle Toe Twins. Benoit counters a Disco right hand into a backslide for two but Disco drops some hard elbows for two. Back up and Benoit hits a great German suplex and makes the hot tag to Mongo. Everything breaks down with Mongo cleaning house and spinebusting Disco, setting up the swan dive and Crossface for the win.

Rating: C+. Surprisingly good match here with the Horsemen actually sweating a bit instead of running over the dancers. Also they used Mongo like they should have here: don’t let him do much more than just clean house at the end with some passable power stuff. Maybe that was the solution all along. Or maybe it was a good match and he was tolerable. You never can tell with Mongo.

Tag Titles: Sting/Lex Luger vs. Giant/Brian Adams

Luger shows up this time. Brian is referred to as the Mack Daddy of the NWO. Giant lights up a cigarette after the bell but drops it to start a fourway brawl. Adams is easily sent to the floor because he’s Brian Adams and the Wolfpack backdrop Giant up and over the top. Back in and Giant pounds Sting down in the corner before dropping him with a slam.

Sting avoids a splash and fires off right hands, only to have Giant run him over with ease. Giant talks too much trash to Luger and misses an elbow drop, setting up the double tag. Luger cleans house on Adams and pops Giant in the face as well. The Torture Rack ends Adams with ease.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible but I’m getting tired of these mix and match tag title partners. Pick a team and stick with it already. Adams continue to not fit in these matches at all. Tony called him the power man of the NWO, but when you have the Giant throwing Sting and Luger around with ease and Scott Steiner in the group as well, that statement really doesn’t hold up.

Post match the Black and White comes out to destroy the Wolfpack. Konnan comes out as well but gets beaten down to end the show. The fans chant for Goldberg but he’s nowhere to be seen as Tony plugs the basketball players on Nitro and ignores the massive beatdown.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t a terrible show and was WAY easier to sit through than Nitro but it was still dull stuff save for a few bright spots. The basketball hype is already beyond the point of annoying and has made me want to see the match even less than I already did. Watchable show here with the elements they’ve been needing to have showing up again.

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Clash of the Champions 25
Date: November 10, 1993
Location: Bayfront Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

We’re still in 1993 here which means things are pretty bad. The main event is Flair vs. Vader for the world title. We also get a second world title match with Rick Rude vs. Hawk for the WCW International Title which is something I’m not explaining in depth again. As you know, WCW in 1993 sucked so it’s probably going to do it again. There are five title matches out of seven total matches tonight. Let’s get to it.

Gene opens us up and tells us to call the Hotline to vote for Manager of the Year.

WCW International Title: Hawk vs. Rick Rude

Well at least it can’t get much worse after this one. It’s a power match to start and neither guy can get an advantage so far. Jesse brags about being on Rude’s tights as Rude is sent flying into the corner. Hawk wants a test of strength and Rude does what every heel does in this situation. He hammers on Hawk and that doesn’t do much.

Hawk doesn’t feel like selling tonight so he hits a suplex for two. They haven’t used anything that wasn’t taught on Tough Enough yet. Rude jumps into a boot in one of the most telegraphed shots I’ve ever seen. Out on the floor now and they brawl to the ultra lame double count out.

Rating: F. The match was boring, they had one move that wasn’t a shove, punch or kick and the ending was lame. What are you expecting out of this? Just not an interesting match and I have no idea why they kept giving Hawk these singles pushes as he never seemed like someone that was any good without Animal.

The Equalizer vs. The Shockmaster

Equalizer is more famous as Dave Sullivan in 1995. In short he makes David Otunga look like Kurt Angle. If there is anything good and holy in this world, this will be short. Equalizer jumps him to start and pounds away. A belly to back suplex gets two. Rude and British Bulldog might be fighting in the back. Can we go see that instead? Shocky starts no selling stuff and gets the bearhug which he drops down with for a quick pin. Thank goodness. This was nothing but it was a short nothing so it wasn’t as bad as the opener.

Colonel Parker isn’t nominated for Manager of the Year and he doesn’t care. He’s dropped Sid and picked up Steve Austin. I’d think that was an upgrade for Parker. He swears he has a restraining order against Sid and that Sid is nowhere near but Gene says he say him earlier today. Parker bails.

TV Title: Johnny B. Badd vs. Steven Regal

Johnny is mostly a face and is gay here. He’s also not that good yet and is challenging tonight. Badd gets the crowd going so yeah he’s full on face now. Regal isn’t sure what to do with him. Jesse thinks Regal would never cheat because he’s English. Badd speeds things way up quickly and gets a bunch of two counts to frustrate Regal. Jesse and Tony debate British royalty. You can never accuse Jesse of keeping things boring.

They speed things up again as Jesse implies Badd cross dresses. Badd really likes that headlock as he’s on his third one of the match. Regal takes him down with technical stuff but Badd speeds things up again to frustrate Regal. Regal can’t get anything going at all so far. He finally gets some European uppercuts to put Badd down for two. Butterfly suplex gets two. The thing earlier with Rude vs. Bulldog was Bulldog challenging for the title which hasn’t been accepted yet.

Regal gets caught by a big right hand and Sir William is mad. Steven is out cold but Sir William puts the foot on the rope. Badd yells about it but gets rolled up with a handful of tights (despite there no being many tights there to pull in the first place) for the pin to retain. He held that title seemingly all the time around this era so that’s no surprise at all for the most part.

Rating: B-. Fun match as Badd was moving out there and Regal was all befuddled over it. Once Badd got serious around a year from now he got totally awesome and had some great matches with guys like Brian Pillman. You could see flashes of brilliance in him at times and this was rapidly approaching it. Pretty fun match.

Steve Austin vs. Brian Pilllman

For some reason the Hollywood Blondes, an awesome tag team, were split up and this is the grudge match. Colonel Parker was responsible for it by getting in Austin’s ear and is with Austin here. Austin jumps Pillman who doesn’t get an entrance. It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Austin losing control quickly. A headscissors in the ring puts Austin down and he begs off.

We go out to the floor again and Austin pounds him down. It’s so weird to see him this young and fired up. They go out to the ramp and Pillman tries a top rope splash but goes into a boot. They brawl into the ring and Austin gets something like a Stun Gun for two. Parker is worried about Sid so he keeps looking around. Austin throws on a half crab and uses the ropes. Wouldn’t that take pressure off the hold and therefore off the knee? I’ve never gotten that.

Pillman gets an elbow to the jaw to put both guys down for a bit. Steve goes up but gets crotched. Pillman tries a superplex but counters, sending Pillman appropriately flying to the mat. He manages to catch Steve coming off with a dropkick and gets a victory roll for two. A DDT gets the same as this is getting good. That means it’s probably about over too. The crucifix, a signature move of Pillman, gets countered by something like a Samoan Drop by the non-Samoan Austin.

Brian gets a cradle for a VERY close two. The fans are a bit quiet but screw them. Pillman avoids the Stun Gun but Parker pulls his feet down as he goes for something, allowing Austin to get the easy pin which might have included a handful of tights because that’s what old school heels like Austin use.

Rating: B-. Another fun match but these two needed more than ten minutes on a Clash. This could have been a huge feud over like the US Title or something but Dustin Rhodes wasn’t about to let go of that thing at this point. Austin would get it at Starrcade but this feud was long over by then. I never quite got white but I’ll chalk it up to WCW was stupid.

We go to the Battlebowl Control Center which is just a place to talk about the match and the buildup to it. Go check out my review of it if you really want to but it sucked so there isn’t much reason to do so. Orndorff says he’ll win it. Sting says he’ll win again.

US Title: Dustin Rhodes vs. Paul Orndorff

For the life of me I don’t get Orndorff’s constant pushes. He’s challenging here and has The Assassin (masked guy, started Deep South Wrestling and is Nick Patrick’s dad) with him. Dustin has his fat papa with him. The old guys (and the Assassin might be fatter) get into it pre match. The commentary is all about the old guys because the wrestlers in the ring having the match mean nothing.

Orndorff tries to cheat to start but that doesn’t go all too well. Dustin puts on a headlock on the mat while the old guys play keepaway on the floor. Jesse makes fat jokes. Orndorff grabs a hammerlock and Assassin yells encouragement. Something tells me this is going to be a very uninteresting match. Dustin counters into a top wristlock and down goes Paul. They go to the mat again and now Dustin is working on the leg.

Now it’s off to a chinlock in case those leg locks were too exciting for some viewers. Back to the armbar by Paul as Dusty is coaching. Orndorff hits a suplex and drops an elbow and BACK TO THE CHINLOCK. My goodness are they as bored as I am here? Backslide gets two for Dustin as does a lariat. Orndorff takes over again and mixes things up by putting a knee in the back on his chinlock. Dustin gets a clothesline for two. There’s nothing going on between these moves. Bulldog is blocked and Paul tries his piledriver. After a bit of boring stuff, Dustin small packages him for the pin.

Rating: F. I’m sorry but what was the point of this? It was about 11 minutes of nothing but chinlocks and rest holds. None of the arm or leg work ever went anywhere and the whole match was incredibly boring. No one was interested in the match either, which is true for the majority of Dustin’s run in WCW. Goldust was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Dusty and Assassin get into it post match and Orndorff can’t pick Dusty up for the piledriver. Dustin makes the save and somehow Dusty has the US Title at the end of it.

Keep voting for Manager of the Year.

Tag Titles: Sting/British Bulldog vs. Nasty Boys

The heels have Missy Hyatt and the belts here. Sting vs. Knobbs starts us off in a big brawl. Smith and Sags are on the ramp and Rude sneaks down to give Smith the Rude Awakening. Hawk comes out to chase Rude off and it’s more or less a handicap match now. All of that was pre-match. Oh great. Smith is more or less out so Sting officially starts with Knobbs.

Sting beats them both up and is in there with Sags now. He can’t keep the advantage though because he keeps going over to check on Smith who is still down. Sting gets a cover but the referee is with Missy, as so many others probably have been. The Nasties start double teaming and Sags throws him over the top which isn’t a DQ because the referee is still with Missy.

Knobbs suplexes him back in for two. It’s bearhug time as Smith is actually on his feet now. It only took him five minutes off one neckbreaker. Now THAT is some selling. Sting gets out with a belly to belly but Sags breaks up the tag again. Back to the chinlock by Knobbs as this is needing to end. Sting breaks it up and there’s a double tag to Sags vs. Smith. Smith cleans house and seems to be perfectly fine. He hits a bunch of double team moves including a double DDT. Smith throws Sting onto both of them and hits a falling slam (not a powerslam) to Knobbs but Sags drops a top rope elbow on him for the surprise pin.

Rating: D+. Not much here and the kind of clean pin was a good thing for the champions to get here in a match they probably should have lost on paper. The match was boring though as Sting dominated the whole time and then got caught in chinlocks galore. It wasn’t a good match or anything so the whole thing was pretty dull overall. Sting is always worth seeing though, especially for his big fans like myself.

Colonel Parker is talking to Flair and says Austin wants to face the winner of the main event for the world title.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Vader

Flair is challenging. Remember that this is the WORLD Title rather than the International Title. By the way as I’m sure you realize, this is the Starrcade main event a month before Starrcade. Buffer gives us some big match intros. We come back from a break and see Flair putting Race in the Figure Four but leaves himself wide open to a splash, giving Vader an early advantage.

It’s all Vader to start and he hits the Vader Bomb about a minute in. Flair isn’t in purple tonight so he’s not quite his best. He shrugs off some punches and chops away and stomps Vader down in the corner. And never mind as Vader does that standing avalanche thing and the pain continues. We go outside where Race gets some payback for earlier. Vader misses a splash against the railing and Sting is smiling somewhere.

Flair goes up AND HITS THE SHOT ON VADER!!! Maybe it’s something about jumping to the floor. Flair is all fired up inside now and chops Vader down which is something that you didn’t see ever. On the other hand you often see Vader kicking people in the face which is what he does here. A middle rope elbow misses and Flair gets a sloppy Figure Four. Race however reaches in to rake the eyes and break up the hold.

Jesse thinks it’s insightful that Race is a better second on the floor than Fifi. Vader suplexes him and gets a splash for two. He’s getting mad and even cusses a bit which is a bit more extreme in 93. We get our second Flair Flip of the match and our second Flair shot off the top of the same match. Vader clocks the referee by mistake and Flair goes up again. This time he jumps into Vader and is put up top again.

A superplex off the top hits but both guys are down. Vader is up but won’t cover. Instead he sets for the moonsault but Flair moves, even though Vader would have missed by a foot or so. Flair covers for the pin and the title??? And it’s a Dusty Finish because of the clothesline that took the referee out.

Rating: B. These two know how to make something epic and they did it here with limited time. They would have a better match at Starrcade but they had almost twenty extra minutes so that helps a lot. Not a classic like the rematch but this set up the Saturday Night match which was supposed to set up Sid vs. Vader but that fell through so there you are.

Austin comes out for the beatdown but Dustin makes the save. Flair wants a tag match and promises Sid as his partner. Parker says ok.

Overall Rating: C. Shockingly not a horrible show as the 93 date would imply otherwise. It’s not a classic and there’s nothing worth seeing but it’s miles better than the horrible Battlebowl show which was a Vader love fest. The opening hour is bad but the main event is a bit better, namely with the Battle of the Blondes and the main event. Not worth seeing though.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: November 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley, Jeremy Borash

Last week’s big moment was the unmasking of Luke Gallows who doesn’t actually have a name at this point. Other than that we had Gut Check and the announcement of a three way for the #1 contendership. Odds are tonight is mostly about Aces and 8’s, but that’s pretty much all you can expect to get on Impact anymore. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the announcement of the triple threat. The guy who takes the fall can’t get a title shot until BFG next year, which is a nice idea actually. We also hear about Aries vs. Hardy being a ladder match. Aries: “IT WAS JUST A METAPHOR JEFF!” Those things are just about the world title match though, so now let’s focus on the important thing: ACES AND 8’s! And that guy who we don’t have a name for yet but is more famous as Luke Gallows!

Aces and 8’s are yelling at Gallows, who is now named Doc (Director of Chaos), because he lost his mask before he was even made a full fledged member of the team. Tonight it’s Doc/D-Von vs. Angle/Sting. This sums up the major problem with the reveals so far: how in the world am I supposed to buy D-Von and Luke Gallows as a legitimate threat to beat Sting and Angle, two of the best of all time?

AJ Styles vs. Bobby Roode

Storm is on commentary. They fight for control of a wristlock to start before heading to the mat. Roode appears to have gotten a haircut. He blocks AJ’s drop down/kick sequence but AJ sends him to the floor with ease. Styles sends him into the steps and drops a knee back inside as Storm says he would pin Roode if he had to pick. There are ads on the mat now too, which is fine as it brings in some extra cash.

A big backdrop puts Roode down but Bobby gets in a shot to the back to take over. We take a break and come back with Roode hot shotting AJ on the top rope. A Blockbuster gets two for Roode as does an elbow drop. Storm says he’d work with Roode to beat AJ if necessary. I can see the “BEER MONEY REUNION???” posts already. Roode hooks a chinlock for a bit but AJ fights up and hits an enziguri to put both guys down.

We head to the corner with AJ pounding away but getting guillotined on the top rope to slow him down. The disadvantage lasts about eight seconds as AJ comes back with a top rope rana for two. The Clash is escaped and there’s the spinebuster from Roode for no cover. The spear misses though and AJ rolls him up into a Styles Clash position, but Roode kicks him in the head to escape. Pele misses and the fisherman’s suplex gets two for Bobby. Really good sequence there.

Bobby goes to the floor for a chair but Storm comes down to take it away from him. Styles hits a BIG springboard dive to take Roode out but stops to yell at Storm. Back in, AJ loads up another springboard but Roode knocks him off the ropes and gets a fast pin at 10:50 shown of 14:20.

Rating: B. Solid match here and for a TV match, this was great stuff. AJ and Roode have good chemistry together and when you can beat AJ Styles clean on TV, you’ve got something going for you. As for the PPV, you have to think Roode wins, but PLEASE don’t let Storm get pinned. There’s no reason to keep him out of the title scene for ANOTHER year as he never got a real run with the belt anyway which he’s more than capable of doing.

Aries runs into Hogan in the back. Aries complains about the ladder stipulation so Hulk says that if Aries doesn’t give the belt back by the end of the show, Aries loses his title shot.

We run down the remaining card for the show when the feed starts messing up. The screen says “An Ancient Evil Awakes”. Abyss maybe?

Angle is talking to Wes Brisco about timing when Sting comes up. Sting wants Brisco watching their back in the main event tonight. Are we really supposed to not get that Brisco is a member of the team? It’s obviously him given the hair, but are we supposed to not notice it?

Joseph Park is in the ring and after asking if it’s ok for him to talk, he says his body isn’t meant to go through tables and he loved the feeling of taking off Doc’s mask. His legal partners don’t want him to have a match with Aces and 8’s but he has to be a man. First though we have to make the pilgrimage to Mt. Hogan to beg for the match though, because if Hogan’s ego doesn’t get stroked every other segment, that’s just not cool brother.

Here’s Hogan who says that Park is a great guy but he got lucky last week instead of being good. Before Hogan can say no though, here’s Ray with an interruption. Ray says Park isn’t a fighter but he has a lot of guts and a lot to prove. The Bully believes in Joseph Park and so do the fans. Bully to Hulk: “Why say no when it feels so good to say yes?” It’s that mentality that led to the sex tape issue brother. Hogan says just this one time and shakes Park’s hand.

Tara hits on Jesse, who says that he used shooting star presses and a super double tiger driver last week. ODB comes in to yell at the two of them and wants a handicap match next. Jesse: “We’re going to need A LOT of hand sanitizer.”

AJ rants about Storm when the Cowboy comes in.

ODB vs. Tara/Jesse Godderz

Tara and Jesse actually skip down to the floor. They don’t have to tag here so ODB beats up both of them at once. Jesse gets rammed into ODB’s cleavage and there’s a double noggin knocker. A double elbow puts ODB down before Tara raves over the bicep a bit. ODB slams them both down and avoids a charging Jesse. Tara gets sent into his crotch and it’s a double bronco buster. ODB spears Tara down for the pin at 2:40. I smell a tag match Sunday.

ODB gets beaten down with a flask shot post match. Jesse pours the contents on her body.

Post break, ODB is on the phone with Eric’s voicemail and says the tag match is on.

Apparently on Thanksgiving, all of the Gut Check winners will be there. Oh joy.

The Gut Check judges have a chat. Taz thinks it’s a no brainer but doesn’t say which side he’s on. This goes on for awhile and Snow’s jacket gets made fun of.

Sting/Kurt Angle vs. Doc/D-Von

Before you ask, no I don’t be calling him DOC in all caps. Seriously, it makes zero difference so spare me the arguments that I’m saying it wrong. Tenay and Taz take over on commentary. The brawl starts on the floor with Angle destroying D-Von and Sting doing the same to Doc. Sting and Doc start in the corner and Sting hits a quick DDT for two. A D-Von distraction lets Doc hit a clothesline to take over as things get down to normal.

Off to D-Von who drops an elbow for two before bringing Doc back in. A suplex gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes nowhere so D-Von drops a leg for two. Angle gets punched in the face to break up a tag and D-Von pounds Sting down in the corner. A Doc splash gets two as Angle makes the save. Back to D-Von for the spinning elbow for two as Aces and 8’s are using REALLY basic stuff so far.

Doc and Sting clothesline each other down and there’s the hot tag to Angle. House is cleaned and it’s a German for Doc and the Slam for D-Von. Everything breaks down but as Sting puts Doc in the Deathlock, D-Von hits Sting and Angle with the ball bat for the DQ at 5:41.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as the match existed to get to the end. Like I said earlier, it’s really hard to buy these guys as threats to a team like Sting and Kurt Angle. The match wasn’t horrible or anything it was was absolutely nothing to get excited or interested about at all. If nothing else, Doc has a good look to him with the size and bald head.

Post match here’s Bully for the save and he loads up a table. D-Von runs as soon as he sees it so Sting comes back to beat up Doc. More members come in with a hammer to save Doc and Sting gets put through the table. Angle gets knocked to the floor and Doc “hits” Sting with the hammer, clearly missing his hand by a good space. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez make the save. You know, because you should be afraid when you have the high ground AND A HAMMER. Sting gets taken out by medics.

This has nothing to do with what just happened, but apparently that Ancient Evil Awakes is a Halo 4 ad. Silly me for thinking an ad during a wrestling show was about wrestling.

Time for Gut Check, because that transition is fine. Taz says yes without a doubt and Prichard says yes as well, giving York the contract. I can’t argue with that one.

Aries is in the back on the phone when he sees Brooke and Ray arguing over something. They see him coming and stop immediately because they don’t want him to hear. We’ve got intrigue!

We recap Hardy vs. Aries.

We run down the Turning Point card. Unless I’m missing it, does Ray not have a match?

Hogan is on the phone asking for updates on Sting when he runs into Joey Ryan. Ryan says Hulk can congratulate him on winning the X Title which he hasn’t gotten a shot at yet. Hogan tells Morgan that Matt isn’t allowed at ringside on Sunday. Morgan says Hulk has no idea who he’s messing with but he’ll find out. I still want Morgan as the Aces and 8’s boss. Morgan and Ryan leave and Hogan says he does know.

Samoa Joe/Chavo Guerrero Jr./Hernandez vs. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian/Magnus

It’s a big brawl to start with Chavo vs. Daniels finally getting things going. Daniels gets beaten around like a pinball before Chavo suplexes him down for two. Daiels hits a knee and tags Kaz but the beating continues very quickly. SuperMex comes in with a splash for two and it’s time for Magnus vs. Joe. The British guy who used to be a gladiator for some reason runs to the floor and upon reentry, the heels gets in a shot to Joe’s back to take over.

Everything breaks down again until it’s Joe hammering away on Daniels in the corner. Daniels drops a knee and brings in Chavo with a slingshot hilo for two. Hernandez hooks a bearhug into an overhead belly to belly before it’s back to Chavo who gets two off a dropkick. Some double teaming FINALLY slows Chavo down and the beatdown begins. A running jumping swinging neckbreaker gets two for Kaz and it’s off to Magnus again.

Daniels acts like he’s riding a horse for some reason before it’s off to Kaz for a bow and arrow hold. Chavo fights up and hooks a headscissors to take Kaz down and make the tag off to Hernandez. House is cleaned and Daniels gets launched with a shoulder block. The Border Toss is broken up but Daniels/Kaz’s double suplex is countered into a suplex on both of them by Hernandez. Off to Joe vs. Magnus with the Samoan taking over. Magnus charges into the Rock Bottom out of the corner.

The two of them head to the floor as does Daniels, so here’s a big dive by Hernandez to take them out. Chavo loads up the Frog Splash on Magnus but Kaz breaks it up. Joe loads up the MuscleBuster on Magnus but Daniels makes the save. There’s the Clutch on Daniels but it’s broken up by a jawbreaker. Daniels and Kaz go High/Low on Joe and a top rope elbow from Magnus gets the pin at 11:00.

Rating: B-. Solid six man tag here with the exactly right ending. This gives you a reason to believe Magnus can in fact win the title from Joe which wasn’t really something that was easy to buy into earlier. That’s basic booking and that’s all you need to do most of the time, yet most companies don’t get it.

Roode says his plan is coming together with AJ fighting Storm.

We recap the attack on Sting.

Here’s Aries to return the belt. There’s a ladder at ringside and another one in the ring. Aries says that Hardy says he’s the best wrestler on the planet. Well Aries is the best wrestler in the universe. Either this universe, or any universe. They’re going hard with the WWE jabs lately. Austin talks about how Hardy has lived and died by the ladder match. Hardy has fallen a lot, but on Sunday the fall is going to be worse than any he’s ever had. The fans keep chanting WHAT so Aries goes off on them a bit.

Aries says he’s going to use Hardy’s belt as a belt buckle, meaning Hardy’s face will be down by his crotch (his words, not mine). If Hardy wants this belt back, come and get it. Here’s Hardy who knocks Aries to the floor and takes the title before climbing up the ladder. He hangs both belts and poses but Aries shoves him off the ladder and stomps him down to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Good show overall here and pretty good hype for the PPV, but again, we’ve got a lawyer fighting a career enforcer and Kurt Angle vs. D-Von which we’re supposed to pay for. They need to reveal someone big soon or the interest they’ve got left in this story is going to die soon. That’s a problem because it’s ALL OVER the TV shows. The other stuff with the world title related matches is really good though and I’m looking forward to the show. Still though, where is Bully Ray?

Results

Bobby Roode b. AJ Styles – Pin after knocking Styles off the top rope

ODB b. Tara/Jesse Godderz – Spear to Tara

Sting/Kurt Angle b. D-Von/Doc via DQ when D-Von hit Angle with a baseball bat

Magnus/Kazarian/Christopher Daniels b. Samoa Joe/Chavo Guerrero Jr./Hernandez – Top Rope Elbow To Joe

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Monday Nitro #141
Date: June 15, 1998
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Laryr Zbyszko

We’re past the Great American Bash and the main development is Sting holds both tag team titles. Seriously, other than that not a ton has changed. Hogan, Hart, Piper and Savage had their match which changed absolutely nothing and Booker is the TV Champion again. There’s not much else to say about the show, which is a good indication of how important that show was. We’re now four weeks away from Bash at the Beach so let’s get to it.

Public Enemy vs. Hugh Morrus/Barbarian

This opens the show as Public Enemy is on their way to the ring as Tony welcomes us to the show. It’s a street fight meaning the weapons are flying as soon as the Public Enemy hits the ring. As usual it’s pure insanity with everyone hitting everyone else in the head and Grunge being sent head first into a garbage can. Even Jimmy Hart gets in a cheap shot with a sheet of medal.

Hugh backdrops Rocco into a powerbomb from Barbarian and a bunch of garbage can shots keep Rocco down. Grunge comes back in with some trashcan lid shots to Barbarian as Morrus loads up a table on the floor. A frying pan to the crotch slows Morrus down but he’s good enough to bulldog Rocco. Jimmy tries some more shots to Rocco’s head, earning him a suplex into the ring. Rocco is eventually suplexed over the top and through the table, but he lands on Barbarian for the pin.

Rating: D-. I can’t stand these matches. I get the idea of appealing to the ECW fanbase but couldn’t they come up with something more interesting than just hitting each other in the head with metal? These matches don’t add anything at all and when it takes a few seconds to determine who won, there’s probably a problem.

We get the opening pyro display and the announcers’ usual recap of the recent events around these parts.

Earlier today Mike interviewed some fans to find out if they were ready for Nitro.

We recap the Wolfpack recruiting Page from last week.

Opening sequence.

Nitro Girls.

Here’s how to get a Nitro Party!

Here’s Savage for an interview. He has a message for Piper and that is….that he wants DDP in the Wolfpack. Savage talks about Wyatt Earp wanting to help the Wolfpack and goes into a sales pitch to Page for a spot on the team. He wants Page in a cage match tonight and if Page can beat him, Page can join the team with Savage’s full endorsement.

We get some stills of the tag match last night.

Chris Benoit vs. Fit Finlay

Tenay suggests that this is a #1 contenders match for the TV Title but I don’t think that’s official. Benoit takes him into the corner to start and this is going to be a physical one. The fans are all over Finlay from the bell and he seems a bit shaken by it. Finlay takes him down with a headlock and cranks on the arm a bit before just kicking Benoit in the face. We hit the chinlock on the Canadian before Benoit fights up and hits a backbreaker to send Finlay to the floor.

Finlay sends him back first into the apron before taking him inside for a reverse chinlock. Benoit stands up and drops Finlay down onto his back for two. We come back from a break with Finlay dropping a knee on Benoit’s face for two. Chris fights up again with some hard boots to the ribs but gets dropped throat first across the top rope. Finlay misses a charge into the post and Benoit hits the Rolling Germans to put both guys down.

Benoit is up first but the Swan Dive only hits mat and Finlay drops another knee to the head. These shots are making me cringe more and more every time. The rolling senton puts Benoit down again but Benoit goes into beast mode, countering the tombstone into the Crossface for the win.

Rating: C+. This took some time to get going but everything after the break was awesome. These two beat the crap out of each other, but the shots to the head are hard to sit through. It’s good to see Benoit get a win after losing the series though, so maybe there’s hope for him yet. Solid match here for the most part though.

Post match Gene comes into the ring to interview Benoit about the series with Booker. Benoit invites Booker out here to see him face to face for some business. Here’s Harlem Heat and Benoit stares Booker down, only to shake and raise his hand. Booker calls Benoit the best man he’s ever been in the ring with and Benoit says to say the word if Booker ever needs a good man in his corner.

This isn’t cool with Stevie who calls Benoit a pipsqueak. Benoit repeats what he said and Booker offers another handshake but Stevie blasts Benoit in the face. Cue Mongo (dang it) to pull Stevie off but Booker breaks it up. Harlem Heat leaves and Benoit says he’s here for one thing, and he holds up the four fingers.

Post breaks here’s DDP to answer Savage’s challenge. Well in theory at least as Page would rather talk about Hogan and Rodman. They’re both somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty (direct quote from the movie Con Air). Apparently there’s a tag match at Bash at the Beach with Page having a partner to be named. Oh and Savage is on for the cage match tonight.

We get a clip of Hogan and Rodman attacking Page with chairs last week. Apparently there are rumors that NBA superstar Karl Malone might don the tights and join WCW. I’m guessing that was the major announcement that wasn’t made on Thunder.

Nitro Girls.

Gene is in the ring again and it’s time for Piper’s weekly rambling. Piper: “GOD BLESS FRANK SINATRA!” Sinatra died a month before this, so I’m assuming it was a tribute, but that’s a bit late isn’t it? Anyway, Piper talks about remembering the Statue of Liberty wearing a kilt (I rescind my thought on it being a tribute and vote for Piper is nuts) and says he’s tough enough to make Rush Limbaugh lose weight and put Howard Stern on the Disney Channel. The smark crowd stops him with a loud RODDY chant but Piper confirms the cage match for tonight, but with him as the referee for no apparent reason.

Hiroshi Tenzan/Masahiro Chono vs. High Voltage

The Japanese guys are IWGP Tag Team Champions and are in the Black and White. Robbie Rage gets jumped to start but Kaos comes in off the top with a clothesline to take down Chono. High Voltage clears the ring and we take a break. Yes, this match is getting a break. Back with Rage stomping on Tenzan and putting on a reverse chinlock. Tenzan fights up as the announcers talk about Goldberg being with his sick mom tonight.

Chono comes in off the tag and everything breaks down for a few moments. Things settle back down with Kaos blocking a Chono suplex until High Voltage comes in for a double team. Kaos’ top rope clothesline hits Rage by mistake, allowing Tenzan to drop a top rope headbutt for two. Not that it matters as the Mafia Kick ends Kaos seconds later.

Rating: F. I can’t stand these matches as we’re just supposed to instantly care about people we haven’t seen in months because they’re wearing NWO shirts. Yeah Chono and Tenzan are awesome, but we need more than a few matches a year for the fans to realize that. On top of that the match was horrible with everyone looking sloppy and the match being a big mess. Given what I’ve seen from both teams, I blame this pretty much entirely on High Voltage.

Still shots of Giant vs. Sting last night.

Here’s the Wolfpack to a BIG reaction. Nash talks about how life is full of ironies, such as the last man to join the Wolfpack is the first one to bring home some gold. He brings out Sting for his pick of the partners but Sting wants to suck up to the crowd first. Sting talks about how everyone in the group has credentials, ranging from Konnan coming from a bunch of tough barrios, Luger holding every title there is to hold and Nash being a living, breathing monster. Savage isn’t listed as a possibility for some reason. However, he’s going to wait until the tag title defense tonight to make his announcement.

Kanyon vs. Sick Boy

Kanyon charges to the ring and the brawl is quickly on. Sick Boy is stomped into the corner and punched a lot before Kanyon pulls him down with a neckbreaker for two. Kanyon heads to the floor where a Lodi (in a safari hat because he’s odd like that) distraction lets Sick Boy take over. Back in and Sick Boy goes up but hops down, allowing Kanyon to hit a great looking forward electric chair for two. A faceplant out of the corner puts Sick Boy down again before the Flatliner gets the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but Kanyon continues to look awesome. His offense was so different from anyone else and he had a solid look, but for some reason he never reached that higher level. The feud with the Flock is working though and I’m curious to see where it goes.

Here are Rude and Hennig with Curt now in the Black and White like he should have been all along. Rude talks about how everyone has been asking why they turned on the Wolfpack and it’s the stereotypical answer: money. If it had been Hennig in there with Goldberg, the streak would be over. That’s going to be the case one day because Hennig has won over 3,000 matches. Hennig brags about swerving Konnan and promises no swerves with the Black and White, even though he’s now swerved DDP, Flair and Konnan. He’d never swerve Rude though.

JJ Dillon is here to address the Cruiserweight Title issues from last night. The referee was right to call the match last night so here’s Jericho, already in celebration mode. He sings about being the champion and says there’s dancing in the streets. JJ says Jericho is the champion, but he has to defend against Malenko within 30 days. Jericho rips into Dean’s dad again, but thankfully Dean was about two feet from Jericho to jump him immediately. Malenko beats him into the back and throws Jericho into anything he can find, ranging from what look to be portable bleachers to a cardboard box. Security finally breaks it up.

Chris Adams vs. The Giant

Giant is smoking again. This actually lasts longer than I expected, going a full 20 seconds before the chokeslam ends Adams.

We look at Hogan and Rodman attacking Page again last week.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff for their weekly (or hourly depending on the show) chat. Hogan says that God created Hollywood on the seventh day. Back in the day when he was selling out MSG, the slimy one (Nash?) was wishing he could be like Hogan one day. As for Page, if he wants a piece of himself and Rodman, come get some, even if it means bringing in Karl Malone. Hogan and Rodman have already signed for Bash at the Beach, so make sure to check the show out to see who Page and his partner take a beating. This was short and actually accomplished something. I’m as shocked as you are.

More Nitro Girls and the Nitro Party video.

Hour #3 begins.

Here’s Sting for his decision. He wastes no time and picks Nash. Tony calls this a curveball, even though it was one of four possible options. Nash does a survey of which NWO the fans are here to see, which sums up this company in a nutshell. Lastly, he says Hennig is the Pack’s newest prey.

Tag Titles: Sting/Kevin Nash vs. Harlem Heat

Tony gets the continuity wrong before the bell, saying Sting has been a tag champion for a long time, even though it was clearly stated the titles were vacant coming into last night. Booker and Sting get us going in the best possible pairing for this match. Things start fast with Sting jumping over Booker before taking him down with a hiptoss. Booker bails to the floor for a meeting with Stevie before coming back in with the jumping forearm.

Stevie yells at Booker so T brings him in to try his own luck. Ray stomps Sting down but he comes back with some of those odd shots to the face of his own, allowing for the tag off to Nash. Kev comes in but walks into a slam, only to have Stevie miss an elbow drop. We take a break and come back with Booker missing a dropkick on Sting. Back to Nash for knees in the corner and the big boot to the jaw before the side slam gets two.

Off to Sting again who stomps a mudhole on Booker before actually hitting his jumping elbow drop. A Vader Bomb of all things gets two but a regular splash hits Booker’s knees. Ash comes in before Booker can make the tag though, meaning the match slows down again. Nash powers Booker down but tags back out to Sting before he breaks a sweat. You have to protect that hair at all costs you see.

The Wolfpack keeps up the fast tags with Nash coming back in but Booker escapes Snake Eyes and gets two off a rollup. Booker avoids the Stinger Splash and finally makes the tag off to Stevie. Sting walks into a powerslam but Stevie talks trash, only to get caught in the Death Drop for the pin about 10 seconds after he was tagged in.

Rating: D+. Not a terrible match here and at least Stevie did the job instead of Booker. The match was pretty dull though with Nash seeming to be as bored as you could imagine him to be and Sting just going through the motions as well. Harlem Heat was done as a top tag team but they were still good enough for a spot like this.

The announcers talk about the cage match.

Remember that video of Scott Steiner on a movie set with Hogan where they met Carl Weathers? Well here it is again.

The cage is already set up but first we get Bischoff talking to Scott Steiner in a sitdown interview. Scott says it’s nice to be in New York but it’s nothing compared to Los Angeles. He name drops a bunch of actors who congratulated him for the snow job he put on his brother. Just establishing the new character for Steiner, which I can’t imagine lasts long.

Nitro Girls.

Randy Savage vs. Diamond Dallas Page

There’s a top on the cage and Piper is the referee. Page climbs on top of the cage to pose before getting inside. We get the bell and Page goes after Savage’s bad arm, only to have Randy hit him in the bad ribs. Page goes up top but gets crotched down, only to pop up and go after Savage’s own injured ribs. A ram into the cage gets two so Savage sends him into the steel for the same. They ram each other into the buckle before Savage goes head first into the cage.

Back up and they hit heads to put both guys on the mat again. We take a break and come back with Page pounding away and scoring with a clothesline, only to be taken down by a low blow. Savage goes up for the big elbow but hurts his knee on the way down, allowing Page to kick out. Savage and Piper get in a fight over the speed of the count with Savage laying him out via a piledriver. Page comes back with the Diamond Cutter to put all three guys down.

The fans (or the PA system) wants Goldberg as all three guys get back up. Page punches Piper for trying to pull him off Savage, so Piper sends Page into the cage three times in a row. Now Piper beats up Savage, because Heaven forbid a match doesn’t focus on Piper at least once. Piper rams both of them into the cage….and the cage raises up. Cue the Black and White to fill the cage which lowers after they get in. The massive beatdown is on as the match is thrown out.

Rating: D+. This was more about Piper than either wrestler and that’s a big problem in WCW at the moment. Piper is playing WAY too big of a role and I have no idea why WCW thinks he’s the right man for this spot. The match itself was nothing special as both guys were banged up and basically going through the motions out there until Piper did his thing.

The NWO destroys Savage with Bischoff kicking a chair into his knee. The Wolfpack comes out to try for a save but they can’t find a way in. Nash runs (work with me here) to the back and finds the button to raise the cage and we go off the air.

Overall Rating: C-. While not great, this was SO much better than last week as they kept things moving. Rather than focusing on one story, the show focused on different stories at different times which made things a lot easier to sit through. Hogan only having one promo and a run-in at the end is a great example of this as he had something like nine appearances last week. The wrestling was passable and the stories were advanced as well, which is all you can ask for a lot of the time.

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Tournament of Champions
Date: November 1, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

After a month off from this series due to Bound For Glory, we’re back in Orlando for an eight month old show. The idea here is pretty simple: it’s a bunch of former world champions in a tournament to determine who is the BEST CHAMPION EVER. There really isn’t much else to it than that but did you expect TNA to not hold a tournament? Let’s get to it.

The opening video is exactly what you would expect: shots of the entrants who are apparently putting it all on the line (nothing is on the line) in a night of hardcore wrestling (nothing is hardcore) action that will be taken to the extreme (nothing is extreme).

Here are the brackets.

Mr. Anderson/James Storm

Bully Ray

Sting

Bobby Roode

Austin Aries

Kurt Angle

Samoa Joe

Jeff Hardy

Anderson and Storm have a play in match to get us down to the final eight. Again, no AJ Styles because of the storyline that was ongoing at the time because you wouldn’t want 900 people to have their realities shattered by seeing AJ wrestle in a tournament that Tenay calls “invitation only.”

Anderson is proud to be a part of this tournament, even though none of the entrants are at the same level of he and Bully Ray (Aces and 8’s members). He’s been mistreated since he arrived in TNA and tonight he’ll prove why.

We get a video package on Anderson’s career which will likely be happening for everyone tonight in a way to fill in the nearly three hours they have for this show.

Storm’s package talks about growing up watching Tennessee wrestling which means he’s a very lucky man. He mainly talks about tag team wrestling, which has almost nothing to do with tonight’s theme. This also includes stuff about Storm teaming up with Gunner which didn’t happen for months after this show was taped.

Tournament of Champions Wild Card Match: Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm

Storm takes him into the corner to start and we get a clean break. Anderson gets headlocked down to the mat but he fights up with forearms to the ribs. Not much to see so far. Storm gets pulled out to the floor for no action and it’s right back inside for a nearfall from Anderson.

Mr. pounds in right hands before hooking a top wristlock as Tazz wants to see an actual professional wrestling resume. Tenay references the Global Wrestling Federation of all things in another of those unfunny moments between the announcers. Storm fights up but gets taken down in the corner, giving Anderson a rollup for two. The Mic Check is countered into a Last Call to send Storm into the actual tournament.

Rating: D. We could be in for a very long night. This was short and rather boring with about four out of the six minutes being spent in a headlock or arm hold. You could argue that they’re saving energy for later on in the night but it doesn’t do much for the audience watching the early matches. Nothing to see here.

Jeff Hardy likes the idea of finding out who the best of the best is and is ready to fight Samoa Joe in the first round.

Video on Jeff Hardy, which is just a package from before Bound For Glory 2012. These are nice shortcuts to talk about what the title means, but they make the shows look low rent. You can’t have Hardy do a 40 second voiceover about what the title means to him with some highlights of him in title matches? We get a clip of him pinning Aries to win the belt which is more of the right idea. As usual though, the clip goes on too long and even includes a replay because they need to fill in more time.

We get a much better treatment for Joe, with just him talking about being champion and narrated clips of him winning the title at Lockdown 2008. MUCH better here. This eats up about three minutes, which again just feels like filler. You shouldn’t be able to make a sandwich and pour a drink in the amount of time spent on a video package.

Tournament of Champions Quarter-Finals: Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy

They circle each other for about a minute as the fans’ support is split. Joe gets taken down by a headscissors and a clothesline before Hardy cranks on his arm a bit. Joe comes right back with a hard elbow to the face which Hardy sells like he was shot. The left hands in the corner and the enziguri drop Hardy again but he comes back with a running clothesline. Jeff misses a splash in the corner so Joe chops him in the back and drops a knee to the face for two.

Joe gets frustrated and sends Jeff into the corner but gets caught by the Whisper in the Wind. Tenay says Hardy is spent, which is a bad sign considering he’s been in the ring five minutes. They slug it out with Hardy taking over and hitting some of his usual stuff. The basement dropkick gets two and a middle rope splash gets the same for Jeff. There goes Hardy’s shirt to pop the girls a bit but Joe tries the Clutch. Hardy spins out and hits a jawbreaker, only to have Joe grab a rollup for the pin to advance.

Rating: C-. Better but this was still nothing you wouldn’t see on any given Impact. Joe is going to be the dark horse in the tournament but at the end of the day, that’s the role he’s always in. He’ll be the guy that people say you can’t underestimate but he’ll come up short in the end. It’s been YEARS since Joe won anything of note, so why should I buy him as a big threat now?

Package on Austin Aries climbing the ladder in TNA and becoming champion at Destination X 2012. They just show highlights instead of the end of the match here again thank goodness.

Angle says the greatest man that ever lived better be ready for the greatest wrestler that ever lived.

The title win video for Angle is from Slammiversary 2007 for Angle’s first title win and again they show WAY too much of the match. As in they show about six minutes of the match here before going to Angle’s entrance for tonight’s show. This doesn’t even focus on Angle but rather AJ, Joe, Christian and Chris Harris and THEN Angle comes back in to win the title.

Tournament of Champions Quarter-Finals: Kurt Angle vs. Austin Aries

Angle is very passive to start and lets Aries dance around for a bit. Aries tries basic stuff like headlocks and wristlocks but Angle just smiles and doesn’t move at all, so Aries goes and lays on the top rope. Aries even offers to get down on the mat amateur style but Angle laughs him off. Instead Austin makes the referee get down on all fours as a demonstration of what he wants Angle to do.

Aries gets down again but this time Angle kicks him in the ribs to really get things going. Angle pounds away in the corner and we get a Flair Flop from Austin. A suplex gets two for Kurt but Aries kicks him low to block a German. Angle comes back with right hands to knock Aries through the ropes but Austin’s feet hang onto the top rope to keep him off the floor. He still manages to pull Angle to the outside and drops a top rope ax handle to take over again.

Back in and Aries hits some lame forearms to the back before mocking Angle’s lowering of the straps. From his back, Angle easily kicks him through the ropes to the floor before launching him back in from the apron. Aries flips out of the German suplex and puts on the Last Chancery.

That doesn’t last long as always so it’s off to a front facelock, only to have Angle grab the ankle lock. Austin kicks away again but gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. They fight for a suplex with Aries on the apron but he snaps Kurt’s throat on the top rope to take over. Angle avoids a missile dropkick but his Angle Slam is countered into a rollup for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. Yeah Angle vs. Aries was just a C+ match. I’m a bit surprised as well, but what in the world can you expect when the match has about ten minutes and the first few are spent on comedy? This is the kind of pairing that could tear the house down with twenty five minutes but here they’re stuck in a relatively quick match because we need to spend so much time on video packages.

Video on Bully Ray who hadn’t been champion or even a heel long at this point. This is more of a package on all of Ray’s heel run instead of just being champion. A lot is from the show where Ray explained the Aces and 8’s plan throughout the show which is still pretty cool.

Tournament of Champions Quarter-Finals: Bully Ray vs. James Storm

Before the match, Ray grabs the mic and throws out both So Cal Val and the referee. He goes on a rant about how the tournament is a waste of time because he’s clearly the greatest world champion ever. The fans seem to disagree, even though Bully swears that people always tell him how great he is. Ray jumps him in the corner to start and whips Storm hard into the corner. Now it’s off to the knee with the slow pace continuing to dominate the night.

Storm comes back with some shots to the ribs and rams Ray’s head into the buckle to take over. Ray fires off an elbow to the jaw and is already demanding to be named the winner. We hit the bearhug for a bit followed by a neck crank as Ray keeps changing targets. Storm avoids an elbow drop but gets taken down by a big boot and a bad looking corner splash. Taz references King Kong Bundy to go with the Ted Arcidi (strongman wrestler from the 80s) references he made in the bearhug. Storm comes back with a Codebreaker…..but here’s D-Von to attack Storm for the DQ.

Rating: D. Can we PLEASE get a match to last fifteen minutes? These quick finishes and rest hold marathons are really getting tedious with no one looking especially good whatsoever. Storm got destroyed for most of the match but at least he was making a comeback at the end. Still though, this show needs something good and it needs it fast.

Post match D-Von holds Storm down so Ray can blast his arm with the hammer. Ray doesn’t seem to mind being eliminated.

Video on Bobby Roode from the buildup to Bound For Glory 2011. We also get a look at Storm winning the title (not mentioned in his video earlier) from Angle before Roode turned on him to win the belt.

Sting’s video package is about his Hall of Fame induction. This is much more about sucking up to Hogan and Flair than anything else. There was no match footage nor any reference to Sting being a world champion at all here.

Tournament of Champions Quarter-Finals: Sting vs. Bobby Roode

Feeling out process to start until Sting wins a shoving match and no sells some chops. Instead Roode elbows him down and stomps away before going into the chinlock. Bobby brags a bit too much though, allowing Sting to wrap up his legs to try a Scorpion from the mat. That gets him nowhere so Roode takes him into the corner and mocks the yelling Stinger Splash.

Sting gets out of the way and hits the real splash to set up the horrible Deathlock. Bobby makes a rope as Tazz keeps making jokes about people being old. Back up and Roode grabs a DDT on the arm and slaps on the Crossface, only to have Sting make a VERY long crawl to the ropes for the break. Sting escapes a slam and hits the Death Drop for two, only to have Roode counter the Scorpion into the Crossface for the submission.

Rating: D+. Yet again time kills the match. They only had about seven minutes and that’s simply not enough time to get anything special going. Sting tapping out nearly clean (Roode raked the eyes to break the hold) is a rare sight so points to him for putting Roode over, but the match had no fire to it at all.

Updated brackets:

James Storm

Bobby Roode

Austin Aries

Samoa Joe

Aries talks about how people were expecting Angle vs. Joe again, but now we’re getting Joe vs. Aries who have some history of their own. Tonight, Aries will beat him again.

Another Aries video, this one from the build to Destination X. This includes a repeat of a promo from his first video. They’re THAT long on time tonight? We also see him winning the title from Roode in 2012 and get his ENTIRE post match celebration.

Joe’s second video focuses on his feud with Angle and Joe finally beating him for the title over a year after Angle debuted. This even includes sound bytes from various talking heads and about the last five minutes of the title match.

Tournament of Champions Semi-Finals: Austin Aries vs. Samoa Joe

After over fifteen minutes (seriously) of videos we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start with Joe shoving him around and an elbow sending Aries to the apron for a breather. Back in and Aries gives Joe a chance to run him over, only to try a surprise hiptoss. Joe is just too fat though so all three of Austin’s tries fail miserably. Instead a drop toehold puts Aries on the floor as we get more stalling. Austin walks all the way to the back but comes running back to the ring at seven to kill extra time.

Back in and Joe kicks him in the face before snapping off right hands. Another kick to the head sends Aries to the floor but he gets in a kick to the leg as they come back inside. A top rope forearm to the head puts Joe down and they head back inside for more leg work including a leg drag for two.

Joe shrugs it off and comes back with another big boot to the face and the running senton backsplash for two. The MuscleBuster is blocked and Aries scores with a missile dropkick that can’t drop Joe. Aries misses the running dropkick in the corner but comes back with the same rollup he used to beat Angle. It’s only good for two here though and a few seconds later it’s the Koquina Clutch to send Joe to the finals.

Rating: C. This was one of the better matches of the night as they had a bit more of a story, but it still suffered from the broken record of the night: not enough time to do anything of note and too much time being wasted on nothing. It’s like they’re trying to do the big match formulas but don’t have enough time to get where they want to go.

Since we haven’t had one in about eight minutes, time for a video package! This one focuses on Storm winning the title (what a concept!), including most of his match with Angle (whole thing wasn’t even two minutes long).

Roode’s third video of the night talks about how Roode turned heel to take the title from Storm. By talks about, I of course mean show the turn in its entirety.

Tournament of Champions Semi-Finals: James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Storm has a bad arm coming in. Another feeling out process to start, even though they know each other so well already. James is tentative because of the bad arm so Roode grabs at the injury. Roode asks for a test of strength as we’re about two minutes into this with no significant contact. Storm pops him in the jaw to get things going and hits a running neckbreaker to send Roode out to the floor. Bobby is sent into the barricade and hit with a soda bottle as the face version of the beer bottle I guess.

Roode reverse a whip to send Storm’s bad arm into the steps (almost no noise for some reason). Back in and Roode stomps away on the arm for a few moments before sending Storm to the apron. James comes back with an enziguri and goes up top, only to have to break up a superplex attempt. A top rope elbow (with the good arm) gets two on Roode but the Last Call is countered into the crossface. Storm rolls out into a cradle for two but the referee goes down, allowing Roode to hit a low blow. Back to the crossface and Storm finally taps out.

Rating: C+. The arm work helped here and it was good to see Roode get a submission win. In this case it was the history that hut them a lot, as their matches before had been so epic that it was hard to live up to their level. Still though, this is probably the match of the night so far, but that’s not saying much.

Samoa Joe says Hardy and Aries said they were going to stop Joe, but he took care of both of them. That leaves him with just Aries in his path to prove he’s the greatest TNA Champion of all time.

Bobby Roode, dry as a bone here instead of sweating after finishing a match, says he’s beaten Storm and Sting so Joe won’t be a problem.

Tournament of Champions Finals: Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode

This gets big match intros to kill even more time. Yet another feeling out process to start until Joe shoves Roode into the corner and snaps off a right hand. Bobby goes to the floor for a breather but comes back in and gets chopped even more. Joe’s corner enziguri sends Roode back outside as the match stays in its slow pace. Roode comes back in again and tries a headbutt, only to hurt himself in the process. Joe drops a knee for two and Bobby goes to the apron one more time.

This time though he snaps Joe’s neck across the top rope to take over and adds a thumb to the eyes. Roode goes after the arm to set up the crossface before going to a reverse chinlock. Joe fights back up and hits the backsplash for two but Roode counters the MuscleBuster into the DDT on the arm. There’s the crossface but Joe gets his foot on the ropes for a pretty fast break.

Roode can’t get him in the fisherman’s suplex but manages to break up the Clutch. Back to the crossface but Joe rolls back for two. The Rock Bottom out of the corner puts Bobby down but he counters the Clutch by climbing the corner and flipping back for the pin and the tournament.

Rating: C. Not bad again but the fans were just gone by the end. The ending wasn’t bad but it wasn’t like there was much of a build to it. This also wasn’t the big match that the show needed as it only ran about 12 minutes with a few of those spent on Roode being on the floor over and over again.

Overall Rating: D+. Well this…..happened. This just didn’t do it for me at all. WAY too much time was spent on videos when the matches desperately needed more time. I have a hard time believing you can’t extend one or two of these matches to seventeen minutes or so, just to make one feel special. It’s certainly not the worst show ever, but it was REALLY dull for the most part. It only cost $15, but you would be better off looking up the matches they showed highlights of online.

Results

James Storm b. Mr. Anderson – Last Call

Samoa Joe b. Jeff Hardy – Rollup

Austin Aries b. Kurt Angle – Rollup

James Storm b. Bully Ray via DQ when D-Von interfered

Bobby Roode b. Sting – Crossface

Samoa Joe b. Austin Aries – Koquina Clutch

Bobby Roode b. James Storm – Crossface

Bobby Roode b. Samoa Joe – Pin while in the Koquina Clutch

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Great American Bash 1998
Date: June 14, 1998
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,810
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re at the big summer PPV which originally gave us everything between the first War Games and the worst major PPV of all time, so it’s hard to say what to expect here. There’s a double main event with Sting vs. Giant for control of both tag titles and an actual tag match of Hart/Hogan vs. Piper/Savage with Piper and Savage agreeing to fight each other after it’s over. Hopefully the lower part of the card can save the top guys again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a seizure inducing series of videos of the people in almost all the matches with various patriotic symbols in between.

The announcers talk about the main events a bit.

Gene talks about the Giant vs. Sting tag title match. Apparently Giant will pick Disciple if he wins both belts. That’s quite the team.

Now the announcers preview match #7 (really 8^th) match in the Booker vs. Benoit series. We get a video of the original seventh match from Thunder where Bret Hart tried to give Benoit the match but Chris didn’t want to win it that way. Booker agreed to another match tonight, winner take all.

Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

The winner gets a TV Title shot tonight against Finlay. Feeling out process to start with Benoit hooking a very quick armdrag to take over. Booker might have a bad knee coming in after the match on Thursday but he comes right back with an armdrag of his own. Benoit bails to the floor and it’s right back to a standoff a few seconds later. Booker grabs a hammerlock to take Chris down before hooking a half nelson into a rollup for two. Benoit fights up and cranks on a hammerlock of his own, only to be elbowed in the face.

Benoit is sent into the corner and peppered with more forearms before charging into a boot to the jaw. Chris will have none of that and takes out the bad knee with a dragon screw legwhip to get his first real advantage. They head to the corner for some WOO inspiring chops from the Canadian before he elbows Booker in the face for two. We hit a chinlock on Mr. T. as Tony compares Booker vs. Benoit seven times to Finlay fighting guys like High Voltage. There’s a snap suplex for two on Booker as things slow down a bit.

Benoit’s belly to back superplex is countered into a cross body for two but Benoit comes right back by stomping Booker down and putting on another chinlock. Booker fights up again but a hard knee to the stomach puts him right back down. Benoit drapes Booker’s ribs across the top rope for two but doesn’t seem sure how to follow up. Back to the chinlock as the fans immediately start cheering for Booker again. Off to a surfboard hold with Benoit’s knees in the back but Booker fights up and scores with a powerslam.

T goes up but Benoit steps to the side to avoid a spinning cross body ala Samoa Joe in a nice counter. A Crossface attempt lands right in the ropes so Benoit goes right back to the chinlock. Booker elbows up and hits an enziguri to put Benoit back down. There’s the snap spinebuster followed by a flapjack, allowing Booker to spin up. The missile dropkick is broken up with Booker getting crotched on the top, allowing Chris to superplex Booker down in a great looking crash.

Neither guy can immediately follow up though until Benoit gets a very delayed cover for two. Here are the rolling Germans but Booker breaks it up before the third. Instead Benoit busts out the dragon suplex for a very near fall. Booker is sent into the corner and tries the spinning sunset flip but Benoit is still in the middle of the ring in a nice bit of psychology. Benoit suplexes him down again and hits the Swan Dive but still can’t cover. Booker comes back with a side kick to the back of the head, setting up the missile dropkick for the 100% clean pin.

Rating: B. This would have been better with a minute or two cut out to lower the chinlockery levels, but even with them this was a great opening match and a perfect way to fire up the crowd. It’s one of those matches where both guys come out looking great though I would have liked to see Booker win more. Still though, very few complaints here.

Chavo is on the internet and says he needs the punishment that Eddie will give him tonight.

Saturn vs. Kanyon

I believe this is Kanyon’s first match under that name. Someone comes out in the Mortis gear but the real Kanyon sneaks in behind Saturn and gets two off a rollup. A neckbreaker gets the same as Kanyon starts fast. Saturn gets stomped down in the corner as Kanyon still has his vest on. An electric chair into a faceplant gets two but Kanyon has to deck Kidman off the apron. There’s a clothesline to put Saturn on the floor as this is all Kanyon so far. Saturn trips him up though and scores with a slingshot splash for no cover.

Kanyon gets back up and hits a kind of Fameasser out of the corner as Lodi, Riggs and Horace are all on the floor. Saturn kicks him to the floor for a triple team from the Flock, followed by a BIG dive over the top to put everyone down. Nick Patrick throws the Flock out and Kanyon is whipped into the barricade (called the post by Tony) to injure his ribs. Back in and Saturn kicks away at the head and puts on an ankle lock. Off to something resembling Cattle Mutilation but Kanyon gets his feet in the ropes.

Kanyon is crotched on the ropes and a springboard clothesline from Saturn puts both guys on the floor. Saturn throws a chair into the ring as apparently this is Raven’s Rules. Perry uses the chair as a springboard for a dropkick in the corner and a Sabu Triple Jump Moonsault gets two. Saturn tries a sunset flip but gets caught in midair with a northern lights suplex for a close two. Saturn comes right back with a swinging neckbreaker for two of his own and we hit the chinlock.

They get back up with Saturn getting suplexed down and then dropped throat first across the top rope. A jumping back elbow to the jaw puts Saturn down and a fireman’s carry flapjack gets another near fall. Kanyon’s downward spiral is countered into a half nelson suplex from Saturn but the Death Valley Driver is escaped as well.

Saturn kicks Kanyon in the face but he loads up a superplex instead of covering. Kanyon fights back and both guys get crotched before falling out to the floor. Cue the guy who played Mortis earlier….and another guy in a Mortis mask as well. The Mortises (Mortisi?) slug it out and brawl to the floor as Kanyon hits a quick downward spiral for the pin.

Rating: B. Take two guys who can do a ton of moves in the ring and let them beat the tar out of each other for fifteen minutes. The pair of masked guys near the end had me worried but thankfully they didn’t do anything but throw Saturn back inside. Kanyon had a ton of potential as the guy just showing off every night but like everything else in WCW, that wouldn’t get very far.

One of the Mortises holds up Kanyon’s arm but pulls him into a DDT. That one is Raven but we don’t get to see who is under the other hood. Raven says Saturn had one job but couldn’t even do that right so here’s the Flock for the big beatdown. Saturn will have none of that though and fights them off, including a suplex for Raven.

To recap so far, we’re about 45 minutes into this show and two of the matches have been GREAT. You’ve had Benoit, Booker, Saturn and Kanyon tearing the house down and firing the crowd up over a match for a shot at the lower card title and a story that makes little sense. These guys are tearing the house down, but how long would it be before any of them got anywhere? Nearly two years, with Booker and Benoit becoming world champions because the original choices for champion were unavailable. It’s amazing what politics and idiocy can do to a company.

We recap Malenko vs. Jericho since Slamboree. Basically Jericho has been demanding the title back because Malenko wasn’t announced as an entrant in the battle royal and saying Dean was letting his dead dad down. Malenko agreed to give up the title for a shot against Jericho. Chris freaked out because he wanted to be handed the title instead of having a match for it.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Chris Jericho

The title is vacant coming in. They stare each other down before charging into a double clothesline. Jericho pops back up and hits another clothesline to take over but Dean comes right back with a German suplex. Malenko stomps Jericho down in the corner as Chris screams like a coward. Jericho gets up a boot to stop a charging Malenko before putting on a headlock. Malenko rolls out of a quick Liontamer attempt and gets two off a suplex. Dean puts a knee in Jericho’s back and pulls on his arms to give us more screaming.

Dean whips him into the corner for a Flair Flip, but Jericho takes it two steps further by hitting his head on the post and getting caught in the Tree of Woe. Jericho falls out to the floor but slides back in to hit a pescado to the floor to take over. Back in and a suplex gets two for the blonde before it’s off to a sleeper. Dean fights out but gets suplexed back down for another two.

Jericho is getting frustrated at not being able to finish Malenko so he chokes Dean on the top rope. A slam sets up the Lionsault but Malenko rolls away to get a breather. Malenko comes back with a leg lariat and a rolling cradle for two. A middle rope facejam out of the corner gets another close two and Dean puts Jericho on the top. Jericho is able to fight out of the super gutbuster and hook a top rope hurricanrana. A very quick cover gets two for Chris but his powerbomb is blocked by right hands.

Jericho rolls through the cover into a regular Boston crab but Malenko quickly makes the ropes. Dean tries to jump over Jericho in the corner but gets caught in an Alabama Slam. Jericho still can’t hook the Liontamer so Dean grabs the Cloverleaf. Chris gets to the ropes even faster than Dean did and grabs a quick butterfly backbreaker. Jericho slaps him in the face and says Dean is nothing, just like his dead father. That’s enough for Dean and the brawl goes to the floor where Malenko cracks Jericho with a chair for a DQ.

Rating: B-. Logical but frustrating ending aside, this is the third straight good match of the night. Malenko snapping is a great thing to see and Jericho being forced to shut up and wrestle is always worth a look. This feud has been really solid and Jericho using his brain to take away Malenko’s calm was really smart.

Dean isn’t done and takes Jericho to the back, ramming him into various things along the way. They go outside the arena with Jericho being rammed into a mailbox. They get too near the traffic and security steps in, so Jericho sprints across the street and into another building. Jericho is announced as the winner via DQ.

Eddie begs Chavo for forgiveness and for Grandma to get him out of this.

Juventud Guerrera’s music starts but stops after a second so the announcers can talk about Jericho having a claim to the Cruiserweight Title.

Video on Juventud Guerrera who won’t give up. By this I mean him walking around ancient ruins in Mexico.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Reese

Standard giant bully vs. scrappy little guy story coming into this. Guerrera prays before the match starts and we get a LONG staredown. Juvy tries a right hand but is easily sent backwards into the corner. He charges right back and scores with some shots to the face but Reese shoves him right back down. Guerrera bails to the floor and gets Reese to chase him, only to slide back in and try a dive. Reese pulls him out of the air and tosses Juvy back inside but the small man kicks at the knee as Reese gets back in.

Reese grabs Juvy by the head and holds him back to show just how much bigger he is than Guerrera. Juvy goes up and tries a choke before ripping at his face. Reese goes down to one knee where he still comes up to Guerrera’s shoulders. The big man finally just drops back to crush Juvy and the beating begins. There’s a backbreaker with Juvy being bent over Reese’s knee like a toy.

A HUGE beal sends Guerrera across the ring and Reese stands on his hair and pulls on Juvy’s arms. There’s the bearhug with Reese shaking Juvy around like he’s made of paper. Reese lets him go so Juvy kicks him low a few times, which is legal since Reese is in the Flock ala Saturn earlier. In a smart move, Reese drops down to a knee to punch Juvy in the face.

A vertical suplex puts Juvy down but he climbs up the referee to beat the ten count. Now Reese gets a chair but referee Charles Robinson pulls it away. Juvy goes up top for a hurricanrana but gets caught in midair. Lodi has the referee for no apparent reason and Van Hammer pops up to blast Reese with the chair, allowing Juvy to flip him over (even more awkwardly than you would imagine) and get a pin with Reese’s shoulders only about four inches off the mat.

Rating: C+. They were THIS close to hitting this out of the park but the ending didn’t quite work. The hurricanrana looking terrible and the pin being a disaster brings this down but that’s about its only problem. They had the crowd right where they wanted them and could have blown the roof off if the underdog won like he should have. Hammer coming in was fine as if Juvy overcomes too much it becomes comical which is the wrong idea. This was a tightrope to walk and they almost pulled it off.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

This is the match I’ve wanted to see more than any other after seeing the buildup. Eddie tried to turn Chavo into an Eddie clone and kept tormenting Chavo when he couldn’t get it right. Chavo finally snapped and completely turned the tables on Eddie, sending his uncle running scared. Chavo is all ticked off to start and slaps Eddie in the corner, causing the uncle to pound him in the face. Eddie takes him down with a trip but Chavo gets on top and pounds away with right hands.

Back up and Chavo rushes at Eddie but gets dropped face first on the top turnbuckle. Eddie misses a charge into the post though and Chavo rams him into all three buckles in a corner a total of about 15 times. Chavo drags him around the ring by the hair and dropkicks him down, sending Eddie out to the floor. He tries to walk out but Chavo is still ticked off. They head back in where Eddie kicks the rope into Chavo to take over.

Back in and Eddie works on the arm for a bit before sending Chavo to the apron. The nephew goes up top and tries a flip attack but lands on his feet, only to run across the ring and go up top for a moonsault press, good for two. Eddie sends him right back into the corner and out to the floor as this has been very physical for the first six minutes or so. Back inside and a brainbuster puts Chavo down, but Eddie slaps him in the face to make Chavo snap again. Chavo chases Eddie around the ring until Eddie gets back inside and hides behind the referee.

The distraction lets Eddie get in a shot to the knee and Chavo stops cold. A dropkick to the knee sends Chavo down in a heap so Eddie puts on a figure four. Eddie yells at the fans and lets the hold go before putting on the Gory Special. Again Eddie lets go of the hold and kicks Chavo in the face to set up a camel clutch. The fans chant for Goldberg so Eddie lets go of the hold to act as a conductor. There’s an over the shoulder backbreaker but Eddie spins him around and drops Chavo down to the mat for no cover.

Chavo blocks a slam and LAUNCHES Eddie over the top in a backdrop. A big running dive completely misses Eddie as Chavo jumps too high but it looked great. Now the fans want Flair because a good match with a good story isn’t good enough for them anymore. Back in and a bulldog gets two for the nephew but he takes WAY too long setting up a frog splash, allowing Eddie to shake the ropes to bring him down. Eddie’s frog splash misses though but he still blocks a tornado DDT. Chavo is sent to the floor so he springboards back in for a tornado DDT and the stunning upset pin.

Rating: B. I can’t believe I’m saying this but this has been an AWESOME show so far with good match after good match. This was the perfect blowoff to the story with Chavo showing he was learning the entire time, but not in the way Eddie was hoping for. He’s gone from a generic cruiserweight to an interesting character who just pinned a former US Champion clean. Good stuff here, as has been the case all night.

We get the Piper vs. Savage confrontation from Nitro to remind us that the last hour and forty five minutes of awesome are going to be brought down into the abyss very soon. Given that there are five matches left and about an hour to go, things are about to get very screwy in a hurry.

TV Title: Booker T vs. Fit Finlay

Booker doesn’t have any elbow pads or gloves on here which is a weird look for him. There’s an undefined extended time limit over the usual ten minutes here. Booker sends him into the buckle to start followed by an awkward looking clothesline. A kick to the face gets two for Booker but he misses an enziguri, allowing Finlay to hook a leg lock. Back up and Finlay forearms his way out of a headlock, only to have Booker come back with a flying forearm for two.

Some chops put Finlay on the floor but he comes back in to block an ax kick and go after the leg again. There’s a half crab followed by a regular crank on the leg to keep Booker in trouble. Finlay slams the knee onto the apron and wraps it around the ropes for good measure. Booker comes back with the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two, only to have the champion come back with another leg crank. He wraps Booker’s knee around his neck ala the Brock Lock before going off to a kind of half Liontamer.

Booker rolls away and just pounds Fit in the head with right hands, only to have Finlay come right back with a shin breaker and another leg hold. They head outside again where the referee has to stop Finlay from getting a chair. The knee is wrapped around the post and Finlay hits a Vader Bomb for no cover. Instead he yells at the crowd and kicks Booker’s knee even more but stops to yell at the fans.

Booker comes back with a spinwheel kick and a powerslam before hitting the ax kick. He spins up so Finlay clotheslines him inside out. The tombstone from Finlay is countered into an AWFUL looking sequence where Booker was supposed to backflip into a tombstone of his own, but instead he fell down and got covered for two. Back up and Finlay misses a charge into the “post”, allowing Booker to hit a kneeling piledriver (Finlay was facing forward but Booker dropped to his knees like a tombstone) for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. And there goes the really good match streak. The match wasn’t horrible but you can only watch Finlay lay on Booker’s leg and pull on the ankle so many times in thirteen minutes. The ending was HORRIBLE too with the sequence being botched and the ending coming out of nowhere. Also Booker not selling the knee at all after coming in with a bad knee and having Finlay work on it for ten minutes was inexcusable. I think everyone knew Booker would win here after taking the series, which made him look like a star.

US Title: Konnan vs. Goldberg

Hennig and Rude are with Goldberg’s dinner tonight. Goldberg is now from Parts Unknown instead of Atlanta. To say the place has gone nuts is an understatement. Konnan is easily shoved to the floor and wants to know what that was. Back in and Goldberg grabs a headlock followed by a botched roll thru into a legbar. Konnan grabs a rope and gets two feet up in the corner to stop a charge. Not that it matters as the spear and Jackhammer make Goldberg 100-0.

Post match Hennig and Rude turn on Goldberg and join the Black and White. That’s the best move as neither of the fit with the Wolfpack at all. Luger and Nash come out for the save.

I’m going to pause for a minute here and recommend that you go do something else. So far this has been an excellent show with logical booking, good matches and hard work from almost everyone involved. No more good can come from the remaining parts of this show. You would be better off being stuffed inside a bag and beaten with large wooden clubs. I might recommend going to a blind dentist with Parkinson’s Disease for a root canal. Or better yet just go watch the first two hours of this show again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you keep going.

Roddy Piper/Randy Savage vs. Hollywood Hogan/Bret Hart

This is the real main event though we’ve been promised Savage vs. Piper post match as a “bonus”. Savage is Wolfpack, Hogan is Black and White, Hart is technically NWO but never made it official and Piper is one of the last heroes remaining in WCW. He might be the only one in the main event picture actually. Sign in the crowd: Savage/Piper vs. Hart/Hogan: WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK!

To the shock of no one, it’s a stall fest to start. It’s Hogan vs. Piper to get us going but Roddy spits at Bret. Hogan backs into the corner so Piper calls time out before jumping him for our first contact about two minutes in. Hogan gets poked in the eyes and has his bandana taken off to reveal a bald head. Off to Savage who rams Hogan face first into the buckle before it’s back to Piper for some biting and right hands.

Disciple hits Piper in the back with the world title to give Hogan control. Yeah remember the guy that has been beaten up like he’s in a Three Stooges short is world champion. Bret gets the tag and hits a few forearms before bringing Hogan back in for right hands. Piper staggers around and won’t go down so Bret cheats a bit to get him on the mat. Bret comes back in for a Russian legsweep and the middle rope elbow for two.

Hogan chokes Piper from the apron but Piper comes back with one of the worst small packages ever. He flails his arms and tags Savage which doesn’t count for no apparent reason so Hart puts on a front facelock. Piper makes another tag which doesn’t count due to Patrick not seeing it, allowing for another double team. Savage comes over with a chair and puts it on Piper’s chest so Bret’s headbutt hits steel.

The hot tag brings in Savage and the pop from the fans pales in comparison to pretty much any given pop of the night so far. Hart and Hogan stop Savage pretty easily, only to have Hogan deck Hart by mistake. Everything breaks down and Savage goes up for the elbow, only to have his knee give out. Hogan and Piper head outside where Hogan wraps Savage’s leg around the post. The Sharpshooter goes on and Savage is done.

Rating: F. I would pay big money to be in the production meetings to hear Hogan and Bischoff explain why Hollywood should be pushed so hard. These matches aren’t even acceptable or decent. They’re absolutely horrid with no redeeming value whatsoever and making the entire promotion look like a joke. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Hogan is coming off like the Honky Tonk Man. He wrestles glorified comedy matches, gets destroyed for good chunks of them and then survives through some sort of shenanigan. I knew these matches were bad but I didn’t realize how horrible they really were.

Since that wasn’t enough though, IT’S A RODDY PIPER DOUBLE FEATURE!

Roddy Piper vs. Randy Savage

Bret still has Savage in the Sharpshooter when the bell rings so Randy is pretty much done already. Wait or was that the closing bell for the opening match? Gene comes in to talk to Piper but he helps Savage up instead, only to have Macho punch Piper. Savage chokes him down and actually hits the elbow but Piper, superhuman that he is, gets to kick out at two. The referee gets punched out so Piper hits Savage low and pokes him in the eyes. A figure four makes Savage quit for the second time in five minutes with his finisher only getting two in between. That’ll teach him for getting cheered.

Tag Titles: Sting vs. Giant

So if you haven’t been following the Nitro and Thunder reviews leading up to this, you’re a schnook. Go read them now. Anyway, Sting and Giant won the belts when Giant joined the Black and White. Sting turned down an offer to do the same and is in the Red and Black, but the titles were held up because Giant tried to replace him with Brian Adams, leading to this match. The winner gets to pick his new partner to be the tag champions.

Giant smokes a cigarette on the way to the ring to get the fans to boo him. He blows smoke in Sting’s face in the corner but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Sting to fire off kicks to the ribs. The Stinger Splash lands on a boot though and Giant sends him to the floor. Back in and Sting’s cross body just bounces off of Giant so he lifts Sting up into a gorilla press, LAUNCHING him face first into the buckle. That looked awesome.

We hit the bearhug for a good while as we’re almost out of PPV time. Sting bites his way out of the hold and dropkicks the knee out. A Stinger Splash to the back and one to the front have Giant in trouble and there’s a slam for good measure. The Deathlock goes on but Giant easily powers out of it. Instead a Death Drop gets two and Sting blocks a chokeslam. Another Death Drop gets another two but a Death Drop from the middle rope is enough for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t a masterpiece but this was better than most recent Nitro main events. This felt like a dark match to send the fans home happy and there’s really nothing wrong with that. It ends the stupid titles in two camps story and lets Sting pick a partner later on. In a word, this was acceptable.

Overall Rating: B. If you cut out the tag match and put in ANYTHING else, this is one of the best PPVs WCW ever put on. Everything ranges between very solid to acceptable at worst and most of the booking makes perfect sense. That tag match really hurts it though because it’s just so horrid.

If I were booking this show, I would have thought about putting Goldberg on last. It’s a B-level show and the last match was just less than seven minutes long and for the tag belts. Make Goldberg vs. Konnan a five minute match for the US Title and do the Hennig/Rude turn the next night on Nitro. On top of that it was to make him 100-0. That would send them home happy. Shockingly good show here though, embarrassing real main event aside.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: October 31, 2013
Location: Maverik Center, Salt Lake City, Utah
Commentators: Tazz, Mike Tenay

It’s Halloween night and the main story is the TNA World Champion left in a nice car last week, apparently not wanting to sign a contract and taking the title with him. Since this is TNA, you can see the brackets for the tournament being filled out as we speak. I’d assume we’re heading for a champion vs. champion match because that’s what WWE did a few years ago and if WWE can do it, TNA can as well, albeit with more mistakes and stupidity. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of AJ literally driving away from TNA and Dixie with the title in hand to end last week’s show.

Here’s Dixie to open the show, talking about how she served AJ the world up on a plate but he just walked away with his nose in the air. From here on out, AJ is no longer world champion and is just like everyone else that buys replica belts. The title is officially stripped and the car is a present to AJ for all his work.

Therefore, we need a new world champion so we’ll be holding an eight man tournament over the next few weeks for the vacant title. Seven of the entrants are former world champions, so here are James Storm, Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode and Chris Sabin. Everyone gets a video bio of their accomplishments. There’s a spot left so here’s Bully Ray to interrupt.

Before he can say anything though, Dixie announces a gauntlet match for the final tournament spot. Ray gets in the ring and says he’s been forgotten but the fans tell him he tapped out. He blames Earl Hebner and Ken Anderson for the losses, but the lights go out and here comes Anderson. Ken slowly stomps on Ray in the corner as we take a break.

During the break Anderson was taken away by security where Brooke yelled at her. Bully jumps him from behind and whips Anderson with the chain. He yells that Anderson is nothing without the club so stay out of club business.

Garrett Bischoff is asked what he thinks of this and says it’s club business. Knux comes up and says he needs Bischoff’s help in his match tonight.

Tag Titles: Bro Mans vs. James Storm/Gunner

The challengers jump the Bro Mans in the aisle before Gunner sends Robbie into the corner to start the official beating. A splash crushes Robbie and a slingshot suplex gets two. Off to Storm for a double back elbow and a knee drop to give James a two count. Jesse comes in and takes a big chop in the corner to mess with his blood vessels.

Back to Storm who gets two off a back elbow to the jaw followed by Storm getting the same via the Eye of the Storm. Things break down a bit with Gunner being sent out to the floor and Storm backdropping Jesse onto the back of his head. Robbie pulls his partner to the floor to avoid the Last Call before tripping up Storm on a suplex attempt and holding the foot down to give Jesse the pin at 4:15.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but it’s good to have the Bro Mans get a win like this. They’re the kind of team that is going to have to cheat all the time to keep the belts and it’s just going to make the reaction even bigger when they lose the titles. I’m not wild on Storm and Gunner but they’re good enough for stuff like this.

Sting goes in to see Dixie who is willing to lift the ban on Sting getting a world title shot for tonight only. He can be in the gauntlet but has to start first. Sting leaves without saying yes or no.

We get a recap of Abyss returning last week, leading to Bad Influence dressed up as Sherlock Holmes and Watson. They promise to solve the Abyss mystery and unveil the monster tonight.

Norv Fernum vs. Ethan Carter III

Bernum is the guy Carter squashed at BFG and weighs about 104lbs. Carter tosses him around to start before putting on a standing chinlock. Fernum comes back with some flying shoulder blocks but can’t knock Carter down. Norv scores with a missile dropkick but walks into the bulldog driver (which might be called the 1%) for the pin at 3:10.

Rating: D. Yeah it was a squash, but I’m digging Carter’s character. The turnaround from his character in WWE is reminding me of Rick Rude when he jumped to WCW. In the WWF he was a glorified comedy guy but in WCW he was nothing short of a killer. Carter has gone from Derrick Bateman who was nothing to Carter who looks solid in the ring and has a great look. Well done TNA.

Bobby Roode asks the doctor how Angle can be cleared in just a week. He wants Angle checked again.

Bad Influence run into ODB and Eric, with the latter promising a surprise for them later.

Gauntlet Battle Royal

Sting starts out with Kazarian as this is over the top only with two minute time intervals. They start with a WOO off until Sting rams him into some top turnbuckles. A backdrop puts Kaz down and a suplex does the same. Kaz comes back with some shots to the ribs but can’t put him out in the corner. Knux is in at #3 and we take an early break. Back with Eric Young coming out and no eliminations so far. It’s been way more than two minutes since the break so screw the clock I guess.

Eric cleans house on the heels and pounds away in the corner as Sting gets back up. Kaz pulls at the beard to slow Eric down as Taz rips into Utah and all the wives the people around here have (his words not mine). Knux tries to put Eric out but he “pulls some of the pubic hair out” (again Tazz’s words) to escape. Christopher Daniels is #5 and saves Kaz before he even gets to the ring. Daniels comes in and pounds away on Eric as Bad Influence takes over. Sting suplexes both of them down and we take our second break in than eleven minutes since the opening bell.

Back with Manik in at #6. They’re clearly not doing anything during the break as the guys are in virtually the same positions as when the cameras went off. Manik cleans house and saves himself by headscissoring Kaz down. No eliminations so far and the ring fills up even more with Magnus at #7, the last entrant. Magnus cleans house but gets taken down by a cross body from Knux of all people. Manik escapes a pumphandle slam and catches Knux in a hurricanrana for the elimination.

Kaz hits a springboard elbow to eliminate Manik a few seconds later. Tazz says Aces and 8’s suck. Eric goes up but gets crotched down and kicked in the head by Kaz for an elimination. We’re down to Mafia vs. Bad Influence with Sting clotheslining Kaz down before Magnus hits a Snow Plow on Daniels. Sting gets his eyes raked so the double teaming of Magnus can begin, only to have the Mafia come right back with a clothesline to eliminate Kaz. Magnus sneaks up on Kaz and Sting with a double elimination for the win at 19:40. I’m pretty sure there was no extra action during the commercial though.

Rating: C-. This was pretty lame with just seven people and no real need for the match to go this long. Magnus winning the way he did extends his heel turn a bit more which is the right idea, but I can’t picture him winning the tournament to set up an eventual champion vs. champion match.

Angle has been advised to take the night off but will wrestle anyway.

Dixie has a surprise for us later: the Wheel of Dixie.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Gail Kim

ODB spears her down to start and pounds away on the champion in the corner. A splash sets up a Bronco Buster attempt but Gail bails to the floor. Gail loads up Eat Defeat on the floor but gets caught in a fallaway slam instead. ODB looks to go after Gail’s enforcer Lei’D Tapa but gets dropkicked into the announce table instead. There’s the Figure Four around the post as Tenay announces Turning Point for free on November 21.

Back in and Gail puts on a headscissor choke, only to have ODB counter into a half crab. Gail gets to the rope but a Thesz Press gets two for ODB. A front suplex out of the corner puts Gail down but Tapa distracts the referee. Gail grabs a rollup and a rope for the retaining pin at 6:25.

Rating: D+. I am so over the Knockouts as a whole. It’s the same five or so girls having the same feuds with the same dull stories (calling them stories is a stretch. It’s more like Knockout A is champion and Knockout B wins a contenders’ match) resolved in the same dull matches. Nothing to see here and ODB continues to get on my nerves.

Bad Influence has solved the mystery of Abyss.

Back from a break with Daniels and Kaz in the ring to explain their findings. With British accents, Daniels and Kaz say they’ve figured out the on again off again monster Abyss. Apparently it’s under the ring, which is certainly not a ripoff of when Santino dressed up like Sherlock Holmes and was told to solve the mystery of the Raw GM and it wound up being under the ring.

It’s a pumpkin under the ring though, which apparently has more brains than the entire Knockouts roster put together. This brings out Eric Young dressed as Joseph Park in a decent imitation. He has no proof that Halloween is a real holiday but it’s the big guy’s favorite holiday. Eric has a message for bad Influence so he punches them both, earning himself a beatdown. Abyss comes out for the save and crushes Bad Influence before helping Young up in the corner.

Here are the world title tournament brackets.

Hardy

Sabin

Roode

Storm

Angle

Aries

Magnus

Joe

As simple as this sounds, the wheel of Dixie will determine what the gimmick is for Sabin vs. Hardy. It’s Full Metal Mayhem, which is basically TLC.

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

This would be the third Bound For Glory rematch of the night. Roode was inducted into the EGO Hall of Fame to mock Angle, but since Angle declined the induction into the TNA Hall of Fame, the whole thing is kind of worthless now. Angle takes him into the corner to start but Roode bails to the floor to escape the ankle lock. Back in and Roode chops away but gets caught in a belly to belly. Roode bails to the floor again and has to rake Angle’s eyes to break up another suplex.

Back from a break with Roode working on the ribs with an abdominal stretch. Angle escapes and puts on Rolling Germans, getting up to about five of them this time. Roode fights up but has to escape the ankle lock. There’s the Crossface but Kurt tries to grab the ankle lock to counter. Roode rolls back and puts the hold on again, only to have to let go to escape a cradle and get it on for a third time. Angle rolls backwards again and puts on the Angle Slam for two but his shoulder is almost gone.

There’s the ankle lock but Roode rolls through into a cradle for tow. Roode comes back with an AA into a neckbreaker for a close two as this starts getting better. Angle gets the ankle lock again with the grapevine but Roode is too close to the ropes. Roode goes up but Angle runs up the ropes for the big Angle Slam for two. Angle stops moving and the match is stopped at 16:23.

Rating: B. Good match for the most part here until the storyline finish, which was again, THE SAME THING WE SAW AT BFG. Is this company really that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with something else? Like Roode dropping him in the fisherman’s suplex and Angle being knocked out that way? ANYTHING else? Good match until the ending though.

Angle is shaking badly to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t bad tonight but it was yet another rehash of Bound For Glory with over half the matches being rematches from the PPV. The tournament will help things out but they need something new to light a fire under this company. Maybe the changes behind the scenes will help out but they rarely have before. Not a bad show this week but nothing that set the world on fire.

Results

Bro Mans b. Gunner/James Storm – Suplex reversal to Storm

Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – Bulldog driver

Magnus won a gauntlet battle royal last elimination Sting and Kazarian

Gail Kim b. ODB – Rollup

Bobby Roode b. Kurt Angle via referee stoppage

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Halloween Havoc 2000
Date: October 29, 2000
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 7,582
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

We’re in the dying days of the company here as with so few shows to go there’s really no reason for me to not finish these off. Goldberg is face again after that disaster of a heel turn for him. It’s more or less a double main event tonight with him vs. Kronik. The idea is that he has to break his original winning streak to get a title shot or he retires. The other match is Booker vs. Steiner for the title. Yeah not much has changed. Let’s get to it.

Wow that announce team scares me to death. For some reason Stevie got a big push late in WCW’s run and became a commentator. No one is really sure why.

Pamela (GORGEOUS) asks some fans if Goldberg wins or loses. They’re split.

Standard IT’S HALLOWEEN promo starts us off. Sting vs. Jarrett is a big match too apparently. Oh it’s that show isn’t it. This show has one of the dumbest matches I’ve ever seen so we need to get into this before I stab myself over that.

Tony says this is in fact SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. I give up.

Tag Titles: Boogie Knights vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Boogie Knights are Disco and Alex Wright and the Thrillers are Mark Jindrak and Sean and Mark O’Haire and have the belts here. There was some weird deal where the Knights won the belts but Mike Sanders decided the title change didn’t count and gave them the belts back. There are advertisements at every corner of the ring. WCW’s latest horrible video game (no wrestling in the ring, just in the back) is the sponsor. Nice to see how well the sponsorship deals are going isn’t it?

Wright, Kidman and Jindrak start us off. That’s what I always liked about WCW triple threats: they had triple threats instead of three team tag matches. Alex allegedly has the most experience. Not quite but in WCW he did I guess. Bronco Buster misses and here’s Disco. I forgot Konnan was there until he said something about Shane Douglas. It’s a big WZ Preunion here.

Everyone keeps working to beat up the Thrillers. In a nice move, Disco sets up Sean to allow Kidman to come off with the Shooting Star but instead he jumps at Disco with a back elbow in a thinking move. Wright gets a lot of praise here which is weird. You could tell he was one of those guys that they wanted to do something with but they never quite could do it.

We get a Tower of Doom spot as I’m getting into this triple threat tag match formula. Rey, Sean and Disco come in. Sean has a dime dropped on him and Disco takes a modified seated senton for two each. Sean’s knee may be hurt. The Thrillers use one of their signature awesome spots where they pick up Rey for what looks like a double hip toss and throw him from the floor over the top rope and into the ring. That was awesome looking.

They do the same to Kidman but Wright catches him in mid air in a belly to belly for two. This is getting awesome fast. Big plancha by Alex to take out Disco and Jindrak. Let the cruiserweights loose as the big dives begin. Kid Crusher on Wright (Unprettier/Killswitch) gets two. Top rope rana by Rey to Disco is followed by a Bronco Buster.

Last Dance (Stunner) by Disco gets two as Rey drops a dime on Disco to break it up but it allows O’Haire to hit the Seanton (yes I spelled that right) Bomb to end it. Imagine a guy Orton’s size doing a Swanton and imagine how awesome it would look. Wright beats up Rey afterwards and Konnan tries to save. He gets beaten down also but Sgt. AWOL (member of the MIA) comes in for the save. Konnan can’t stand up.

Rating: B. This was FUN. You had six relatively young guys out there just having fun in a fast paced tag match. It’s a great choice for an opener and I got very into it. This was WCW’s problem though: this is pretty much going to be the match of the night and the crowd is going to decline as we continue. Very fun opener though and I liked it a lot.

AWOL has a hardcore title match next so he just hangs out and sets up a table. WCW guys come out and attach trash cans full of weapons to the posts.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Sergeant AWOL

I liked Reno so this should be bad anyway. Reno brings a kendo stick and pops Wall (his old name) with it so Wall kicks him in the face then goes through a table. Uh sure. We have NEW Hardcore rules here which are now falls count anywhere and anything goes. Back in the day the matches had to start in the back and end in the ring. WCW managed to make a video game out of that concept. Yeah they were dead at this point.

Just a basic weapons match at this point with no one really caring. See what I meant about the quality going down? Wall puts the trashcan over Reno’s head and kicks the can into the railing. That looked painful but after looking at it for about two seconds you can see he missed Reno completely. And now he does it again just because he can. Wall and Stevie do the Too Sweet hand gesture for zero explained reason.

They head up to the ramp as Stevie says this could end at the Brown Derby. For those unfamiliar, the Brown Derby is a restaurant in Los Angeles. Chokeslam is blocked and Reno hits the Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes) on the ramp. He gets a table and then a second one on top of that. According to the laws of wrestling of course Reno goes through them shortly thereafter.

The guys go off into some BIG empty area (you know because it’s not like FANS could go there as we need it for this one moment in a pointless match) before we head to the back. A computer monitor is thrown at Reno who counters with a fire extinguisher for two. Computer monitor to Reno’s head lets Madden say he knew the internet would destroy wrestling. That’s very funny all things considered. Actually it’s not as Mark Madden is not a laughing matter.

Wall drills Finlay who is an agent at this point and we head back into the arena. This is just going on WAY too long at this point and it’s not interesting at all anymore. Scratch that as it would imply that something about this match was interesting at all in the first place. Wall gets the fifth table of the match (the word overkill means nothing in WCW if you didn’t get that) but gets hit with a chair by Reno. Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes. It looked weak with no impact at all) onto the table ends this.

Rating: D-. This got ELEVEN MINUTES. Yeah this match is deserving of more time than the good opener. There was nothing at all here to set this apart from any other standard hardcore match. WCW had no idea what they were doing with this division and that’s very clear.

More Thrillers come down for the post match beatdown until the Misfits come out for the save.

Shane talks to the Thrillers which either isn’t live or Palmbo managed to get to the back and get dressed inside of 6 seconds. Ah ok it’s earlier today. Nash has put Douglas in charge of the Thrillers for the night. Sure why not.

Goldberg was hurt on Thunder apparently.

Kronik is looking for Goldberg who isn’t here yet. They want some beer. See they were big strong guys that beat people up for money and drank beer. Yeah you get the idea.

Perfect Event vs. Misfits in Action

Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo vs. Lieutenant Loco (Chavo)/Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux) for those of you unfamiliar. This was signed seconds ago. Well of course it was. Stasiak has been a problem in the group apparently so expect that to cause the loss for them. Chavo and Stasiak start us off here as this is just a basic tag team match.

Chavo plays Ricky Morton as I could not be less interested in this match while still writing about it. We get the second release date for Backstage Assault in the last ten minutes. One thing says Halloween and one thing says not until December. The game sucked anyway so it’s not like it really mattered. According to Tony there used to be a limit to the amount of saves a partner could make in a match. I’ve heard of that before actually so it’s not as insane as it sounds.

NICE overhead belly to belly by Palumbo to Chavo as it’s all Perfect Event. Hot tag to Cajun who was underrated I think. A bad sleeper from Palumbo has Cajun in trouble for bad acting. The referee is Scott Armstrong, as in the blonde guy that used to be in WWE with the hitch in his count.

If you’re going to use the sleeper, at least do something other than having an arm in front of the throat Palumbo. Soon afterwards everything goes nuts and like I said before heel miscommunication leads to Palumbo kicking Stasiak and a tornado DDT from Chavo ends it.

Rating: D+. This was just there. It’s about ten minutes long and nothing at all of note happens in it. Two teams had a wrestling match on a show for the company they work for. That’s all that happened here. It was just ok and this was once again one of the issues with WCW: matches on PPV had no point at all, much like this one.

Kidman and Rey won’t sub for Konnan who is still hurt.

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Konnan/Tygress

Torrie is dressed as Wonder Woman and DANG. Shane cuts his usual awful promo about how the whole injury thing earlier was planned. Sure why not. No Konnan to start us off. Tygress sets for a Bronco Buster (FACE FULL OF STUFF according to Madden) is blocked and there is still no Konnan. We saw him heading to the ring before the match started and here he is from through the crowd. Did he get lost or something? Was he following a trail of popcorn maybe?

Rolling clothesline hits Shane as Konnan is wearing a Vince Carter Team USA jersey. We get something close to an actual tag match finally with the guys in there. And so much for that as Tygress beats her up. Tony shows the idiocy of himself as he’s shocked that a woman can do a wristlock. You know, in a company where there was a Women’s Cruiserweight Title.

Shane punches Tygress to send her down as this is boring already. Mixed tags rarely work and this is no exception. Torrie can’t wrestle. That’s all there is to it. Madden makes sex jokes as Stevie calls a camel clutch a Boston Crab. Oh wait we have to call it a Steiner Recliner. Sure why not.

Why did Shane Douglas keep getting work? He was only worth anything in ECW and even there it wasn’t much. Outside of that though, no one was ever interested and yet he kept getting pushes. Konnan comes in and seems to be just fine of course. More Bronco Busters as this needs to end badly. And then Konnan does a double facebuster on the heels to win it. Thank goodness.

Rating: D-. Torrie looked good. The rest of this is a failure. Was there a point anywhere here? If there was I missed it completely. Totally boring match with nothing going on at all and Tygress being in the ring more often than not. There’s nothing else to say here at all.

David Flair has a First DNA match tonight to find out who slept with his girlfriend and fathered her child. He has two guys in labcoats with him. Again, two more guys that get a PPV paycheck here that are completely unneeded.

Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair

This is a first blood match. Buff cuts a basic promo early on about David being rather small. David is a guy I felt sorry for as he had more or less zero talent but he kept going out there and trying as hard as he could in a spot he flat out was not ready for but was there because of his last name being Flair. It wasn’t his fault though so it’s hard to get on him.

David is slammed off the top as this is one sided so far as it should be. Since this is a first blood match, both guys use a lot of slams and work on the other guy’s back. Flair finally swings a chair which of course misses. Chair shot to David and the somehow best wrestler in this match, Buff Bagwell, has David in trouble. Yeah Flair is bleeding and the referee doesn’t seem to care. Buff throws in a Blockbuster just for fun as the referee finally sees it.

Rating: F. Another stupid match. We have a five minute first blood match of course because clearly this needed a gimmick. This went nowhere at all and was almost pure dominance by Bagwell.

Luger comes down and beats up Bagwell with Tony shouting about how many times is Luger going to turn on people. Buff’s mouth is busted open and David gets a sample from it. David walks toward the back as Goldberg is getting here, an hour into the show. This was supposed to end with Russo sleeping with Stacy which thankfully never happened.

Steiner cuts another generic promo.

Mike Sanders vs. Ernest Miller

Ok, this is one of those matches that you just have to go with. This is a kickboxing match between a wrestler (Sanders) and a karate dude (Ernest Miller) for the Commissionership of WCW. There are three two minute rounds. You can only win by knockout as in after a ten count as well. Somehow this is by far the simplest aspect of the thing by the end of the match.

The winner is the Commissioner, which about five people have been in the past 12 months. Perfect Event is at ringside with Sanders and Cat’s chick, Ms. Jones, is with him. Miller, someone actually trained in this, of course destroys him for the most part. Round one ends and of course they fight even more after the bell.

There are no points or judges or anything so if no one is knocked out by the end of the rounds I have no idea what happens. To be fair I have no idea what is happening in the match itself so it balances out I guess. At about a minute gone by in the SECOND round, both of which are TWO MINUTES long, Tony says it’s been about four minutes so far. Do I even need to make fun of this anymore?

Sanders gets drilled by a punch and the Perfect Event argues over whether or not to throw in the towel. Sanders wants it in but the bell rings and he can’t leave yet. And here’s Shane Douglas here to be annoying I guess. Since it’s a wrestling show, the referee is on the floor arguing during the match. Cat gets a cartwheel kick to END Sanders.

Palumbo gets in again and Douglas pops Miller with a chain. The referee does the SLOWEST COUNT EVER, being at 6 with 20 seconds left but Miller is saved by the bell. Madden gets popped. Keep in mind that the match is over. Miller hits the floor and the referee starts counting as Miller brawls with Douglas and Sanders wins after the match is over.

Rating: N/A. To sum this up, a wrestler beat a martial artist in a kickboxing match after he beat the bell when a guy hit him with a chain but was counted out for leaving the ring to brawl with a guy not in the match after the fight was over to lose the commissionership of a major wrestling company. And Vince Russo made 2 million dollars a year for this. Let that sink in the next time you get your paycheck.

A doctor talks to Goldberg who insists he’s fine.

Kronik says they don’t care if they wrestle tonight as they get paid either way.

Vampiro vs. Mike Awesome

It’s That 70s Guy here which is yet another instance where WCW blows what could have been someone special. This is Vampiro’s last match with WCW so who do you think wins it? Vampiro has been extra evil or something lately and hates Awesome just because. Awesome has some title shot coming and Vampiro wants it on the line. Awesome, having nothing to gain, says sure.

Big plancha to the floor by Mike to half kill Vampiro. Dang he was great back in the day. Naturally since he was young and good he was made into a comedy character. We head into the crowd now and it’s all Awesome. A fan jumps Awesome and he’s in trouble people that need to drink to get through a show this bad.

Vampiro grabs a chair for both guys and we have a duel. Just wasting time now as not a lot is going on. Vampiro goes for a top rope belly to belly but he more or less just drops Awesome, letting him fly through the air and do all of the work, making it look bad. Awesome busts out a table which makes this at least the second match with them in it. Since they were used earlier, not a lot of people care here.

Stevie wants to know why this is legal and gets no answer. Stevie freaking Ray is the voice of reason on this show. The same Stevie Ray that had a segment called Suckas Gots To Know. Anyway Vampiro hits his finisher and looks for more weapons because he’s an idiot. Madden gets a Ghostbusters line in to make this a bit easier. Sitout Awesome Bomb on the floor as this is now falls count anywhere I guess.

Back in the ring as Vampiro takes an Awesome Bomb from the top rope for the academic pin. In other words the table means absolutely nothing as it wasn’t used at all. And of course we have a solid enough match like that and we get That 70s Guy music and go to General Rection. Nothing wrong with that is there?

Rating: C-. Not bad here and very physical. Awesome would change gimmicks eventually and get back to just being a tough guy but it was too late. Vampiro is a guy I never got at all and to this day I still don’t. This was ok though as Awesome just beat the crap out of him. The rules made no sense but that’s WCW for you.

Rection tries as well as he can to make this work but he’s still named General Rection.

We get a replay of the powerbomb. Is there a reason we needed to go to the interview before we saw that?

US Title: Jim Duggan/Lance Storm vs. General Rection

Storm is US Champion and has Major Gunns with him who is there against her will. Those white shorts were incredible looking on her though. Duggan was turned heel for zero apparent reason but hey, why not go against his character for about 12 years? Storm is still awesome in this role though so I’ll give him that. I feel sorry for Rection. He was trying as hard as he could here but the name was just something you couldn’t take him seriously with.

Duggan’s board is thrown out. I wish someone would take away my bored(om). The fans chant USA for the American face here. The Americans start us off here. Storm comes in and Rection clears the ring. Storm in now as nothing is really going on yet. They’re trying to make Rection look like a big deal here but like I’ve said, with that name how is that really possible?

Hacksaw goes for the referee but does nothing with him. He looks old and fat here so I guess he fits in perfectly. Double clothesline puts both guys down. I know I’m not saying much here but there’s nothing to say here. Sleeper goes on and draws some boos. Rection moves out of the way so Storm drills Duggan. Madden says the General has to beat both guys then says just one guy. Love that clarification Mark. I bet if this was TNA you’d know for sure.

Down goes everyone included the referee leaving only Duggan standing. Duggan hits a Piledriver but there’s no referee. He finally comes back and gets crushed on Rection’s kickout. Elix Skipper, another member of Team Canada, comes out with the board but Gunns drills him with the Canadian flag. She jumps Storm, allowing Rection to hit the moonsault (as in his head hits Duggan’s knee kind of) for the US Title.

Rating: D-. All because of Gunns here. This was just boring and the missed spot near the end just killed this thing out of whatever it had left going for it. General Rection is the US Champion. Is calling him Hugh Morrus really all that bad? It’s certainly a better sounding name but whatever. Pretty weak match so it fits in with the rest of the show.

Preview for Mayhem which Tony says is on Monday. Are days of the week really that hard?

Jarrett says he’s going to show that Sting has no spirit anymore. Can these two feud over anything else? He promises to see the evolution of Sting’s career tonight. Oh crap it’s THAT match.

Quick video here that says the same things the promo says.

Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett runs to start and Sting drills him. We fight on the floor and Sting dominates. Brock Lesnar just lost the UFC Title so I’m a bit stunned still. Splash misses but Sting braces himself and never loses control. And now we have a guy on the stage dressed like Sting was in the late 80s. Sting (I’ll use the name Sting for the real one) beats up the imitation and Death Drops him on the stage.

Madden: can you get disqualified for beating yourself up? That’s actually a decent question. The distraction allows Jarrett to take over and we go into the crowd. Out of the crowd (and what a coincidence that Sting took them to the perfect place) a 1990 Sting appears. One of the fake Stings (oh you know more are coming) is Chris Harris of TNA fame. Another Death Drop leaves him laying.

Cue the Wolfpack Sting and it’s the red paint Sting. Dang we skipped like 8 years in there. We get into a discussion of whether the Wolfpack was heel or face as the third fake Sting goes down but Jarrett picks up the bat and pops Sting which the referee is fine with I guess. And we get another sleeper now which even Madden makes fun of. When that fat jerk is making jokes about you that are correct, you have issues.

Sting makes the comeback and hooks a sleeper of his own just to bore us a bit more. Here’s the real comeback as he avoids a dropkick and goes for the Scorpion. And of course a fourth Sting pops up from under the ring (I think this is Harris) and pulls him through the ring. Fans boo the HECK out of this as Sting beats him up too. Stinger Splash hits twice and there go the lights.

The fifth fake Sting repels from the ceiling (can they please get their continuity right?) and Sting beats him down too. His wig falls off and Sting puts him through the table. It would have been nice if the table didn’t break BEFORE the impact but whatever. Back in the ring Sting goes for the Scorpion but Sting #4 pops him with a guitar. This is no sold but Jarrett’s guitar shot ends it. I give up.

Rating: R. As in only Russo can be blamed for this idiocy. Screw wrestling (it’s Jarrett/Sting. Do you really think it’s going to be bad?) apparently for the sake of insanity and FUN booking right? Two million dollars a year. Let that sink in again guys. How is a Scott Steiner match sounding like relief?

Booker talks about Goldberg for no apparent reason.

Brief Steiner video follows as we repair the ring.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T

Wow that was a quick fixing job on the ring. Ok apparently Booker changed the card order so Goldberg could have extra time. My face more or less says what the heck as I heard that but I want to get this show over with so I’ll let it go. Also the champion is coming out first here. In the back Steiner freaks out and beats up an agent because they’re not on last.

Was there any point to that? I get the concept of it making Steiner seem even crazier but did it add anything at all? They try to make this out to be some huge match but it’s not working at all. After a brief opening sequence Steiner goes out into the crowd after a fan. He was legit crazy for awhile so of course he got bigger and bigger pushes throughout the year.

Steiner throws some STIFF shots that sound very painful. We head into the crowd now as nothing of note is going on. Steiner puts Booker through the announce table as Stevie gets in a somewhat funny line: “Tony that’s the last table that we have!” The delivery was better than it sounds.

Surfboard by Steiner which thank goodness doesn’t end with a curb stomp. He yells at Stevie a lot as this is pretty much dominance. Steiner blocks the Axe Kick and it’s all Scotty here. Samoan Drop from the middle rope gets no cover. At this point there are fifteen minutes in the entire broadcast and we have an elimination handicap match to go. Spinning belly to belly gets two.

Stevie keeps harping on the fact that Scott will never be a champion. Takes one to know one I guess eh Stevie? Almost all Steiner here other than a little here and there from the champion. Missile dropkick hits for two which is surprising as that was one of his signature moves. Axe kick (complete with Steiner just standing there hunched over forever) hits for two.

Midajah (Steiner’s Freak) slips him a pipe which drills Booker in the knee which isn’t a DQ. The referee yells at him so the referee gets beaten up and put in a Tree of Woe. A second referee comes in during the Steiner Recliner so Steiner beats him up too. Even Madden is confused here, but that could be because someone asked him his name. The third referee comes in to DQ Steiner and the pipe beats up every referee and security guard in sight.

Rating: D. Another crap match here with a bad ending. Steiner DESTROYED the champion here for the most part and it looked horrible. Steiner would get the title the next month anyway which makes me wonder why in the world they didn’t go with that ending here. Steiner looked dominant here, making Booker look like a paper champion for the next month. Nice job WCW.

Jarrett has to come down to calm him down afterwards.

Package on Kronik vs. Goldberg. Russo hired them to beat Goldberg. End of story.

Goldberg vs. Kronik

Kronik’s music hits with about 8 minutes to go in the broadcast. Adams is freaking talking now. He says Goldberg hasn’t been cleared so there’s no match tonight. After the debacle of 1998’s version of this show how stupid are they? Their music plays and we cut to the back to see the athletic commission saying Goldberg is fine. His music hits with six minutes to go so we have his FULL ENTRANCE too.

Four and a half minutes to go with his pyro hitting. This is going to be so stupid. He’s in the ring with four minutes left and this is already horrible looking. No tagging here. They throw him to the floor and it’s just a brawl. Not a good one or anything but a brawl nonetheless. Even Tony says this isn’t a match. Nice to see him just admit it. Double clothesline puts Bill down.

We get ANOTHER TABLE as even Madden and Tony roll their eyes at this. Tony: We’re NEVER out of tables. Stevie: WHY DIDN’T WE GET THAT ONE? High Time (Double Chokeslam) through the table is blocked. Goldberg spears Clark (Tony gets the name wrong) through the table to end him as we’re told he has to beat both guys. Naturally this lasts like 30 seconds and the spear/Jackhammer end it. Three and a half minute main event. We’re off the air 20 seconds after the pin.

Rating: F. The main event of a PPV was a squash match that lasted three and a half minutes with former tag champions getting ended that fast. Do I need to explain why this was a failure?

Overall Rating: F-. This is one of the worst PPVs I can remember in a LONG time. There is all of one decent match on the card and like I said it went downhill after that. Stupid booking and stupid gimmicks all around and the show sucked because of it. Just a horrible show and the epitome of a lot of the things wrong with Russo. The world title match ended in a DQ and the main event didn’t break 200 seconds. You tell me why this sucked.

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Monday Nitro #59
Date: October 28, 1996
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 6,300
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay, Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan

We’re FINALLY done with Halloween Havoc and the big reveal: Roddy Piper is back. Hogan and he literally talked until the show went off the air last night and neither really said anything. Tonight we begin the road to World War 3 which wasn’t a world title match for Hogan because he took that show off I guess. Hogan vs. Piper wouldn’t happen until Starrcade where the ending was pretty stupid. Oh and the Outsiders are tag champions now. Let’s get to it.

Larry is in a sport coat and a Superman t-shirt. He and Tony talk about Piper arriving last night. The still of Hogan’s face is GREAT.

TV Title: Steven Regal vs. Juventud Guerrera

Sting, in white facepaint, is watching from the rafters. Oh here we go. Some NWO fans come in with signs and the fans all react. Juvy and Regal hit the mat and wait for things to calm down. Syxx pops up in the crowd with a mic. The match basically stops and Syxx says he’ll be Cruiserweight Champion. Now the match gets going again as Syxx gives Sting a recruitment speech. Juvy snaps off a rana and a dropkick. He loads up the 450 but Regal moves. The Stretch ends this quickly. Too short to rate, especially with the match just stopping for about 45 seconds for Syxx.

Tony is about to interview Regal but talks about Sting first. Sting gets up and walks away.

We get some stills from Luger vs. Anderson last night.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Enos

I don’t like Enos’ chances. Enos slaps him almost immediately and they go to the floor. Page sends him into the barricade to take over. Back in a Batista Bomb gets two. Top rope clothesline hits an we’ve got Outsiders. Page points at them so Enos can take over. Enos points at them and maintains control. I guess he’s better at time management than Page is. Enos points at them again and hits a powerslam again. He loads up a Bulldog powerslam but takes too long, letting Page hook the ropes and counter into a Diamond Cutter. The Outsiders seem pleased as Page gets the pin.

Rating: D. Eh it’s just a three minute match so how bad can it be? This would start the angle that made Page a star which I’ve been mentioning for months. See? I’m not crazy. Enos had signaled that the running powerslam was his finisher, which is impressive since I didn’t know he had one. You learn something new every day.

Stills of Dean winning the Cruiserweight Title last night from Rey.

Dean Malenko vs. Jim Powers

There’s a player from the Suns in an NWO shirt. Psicosis comes out to watch the match. Powers controls to start with headlocks but Malenko uses the technical stuff to get us to even. They go to the mat and Powers grabs an armbar. Dean is a heel here if you’re not familiar with this period. Off to a chinlock as Nick Patrick has a sore neck and argues with Teddy for awhile. Powers makes a brief comeback with an atomic drop and clothesline for two. A right hand gets two. Knee lift puts Dean down and a powerslam gets no count because Patrick is arguing with Teddy. Dean rolls Powers up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here other than to continue the Patrick is a bad referee and is feuding with Teddy Long storyline. I don’t remember what Patrick has against Long but I guess we’ll get to it soon enough. Powers is fine at what he’s doing which is just easily jobbing to people, but he’s pretty boring. Granted that’s his job so it’s hard to complain.

Still of the Dungeon vs. Horsemen last night. The Horsemen won but Benoit and Mongo got laid out. Sullivan and Woman had words but we don’t know why yet.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ricky Morton

Memphis explodes! Jarrett controls early but Ricky works on the arm. Morton hits a spinning crossbody out of the corner for two. Jarrett suplexes him down and Tony plugs World War 3’s ticket info. Top rope cross body is rolled through for two but Jeff hooks a neckbreaker to keep control. Figure Four is rolled up for two. A knee crusher sets up the Figure Four and it’s over.

Rating: C-. Again not bad but just there to get Jarrett on TV. He was so painfully uninteresting at this point and I don’t think anyone cared about him at all. They basically did the same thing with Hennig like a year later and it actually worked. Jarrett didn’t get over as a serious guy until he ditched the country music, but that was years away.

Giant, with the US Title which isn’t his, says he had Jarrett last night but Flair saved him. He runs down the Horsemen, saying that Jarrett will be chokeslamed soon. Jarrett says bring it on. He says it after Giant leaves but he does say it. Jarrett also becomes the probably 58th person to say WCW has to unite to face the NWO.

Amazing French Canadians vs. High Voltage

High Voltage starts off fast and beats up every French Canadian in sight. Rage vs. Oulette start us off. We launch fireworks to remind the fans that the show is two hours long, because the wrestling match going on doesn’t tell them that the show is still going. Savage isn’t here tonight. The foreigners take over and hit the Rougeau Bomb onto Kaos and then load up the Quebecers’ Cannonball finisher before the Nasties run in for the DQ. Too short to rate but it was just there to give the Nasties two teams to beat up.

The Nasties yell about Hogan and swear revenge. They don’t belong to WCW, just like Sting and Piper. They’ll always be Nasty though.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Jimmy Graffiti

Graffiti jumps him and hits an electric chair drop for two. Rey comes back with a springboard moonsault for two. A rana takes Graffiti to the floor but Rey is sent into the railing. Graffiti gets up on the apron and hits a flip dive to crush the more famous one. Chinlock by Graffiti but Rey casually gets up, speeds things up and hits West Coast Pop for the pin.

Rating: D+. All of these matches have pretty much been interchangeable tonight. Nothing has lasted more than about 4 minutes and nothing has been really interesting. Everything has been focused on what happened last night and it’s really slowing things down. The matches haven’t been bad, but they’re all coming and going with nothing really happening at all.

Lee Marshall is in Grand Rapids, Michigan to hype up the show.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Please give them more than four minutes. We have like 40 left in the show not counting commercials so it’s not like they don’t have time. Benoit is all taped up from the beating last night. After a break we’re ready to go. Mongo and Debra come out just a few seconds into it, apparently to watch out for the Dungeon. We get an inset interview from Jimmy Hart and Kevin Sullivan who say there’s something about Woman which is going to be revealed soon.

Eddie is banged up too so the match consists of them both trying to get going but every time they do something physical they have to stop and lay on the mat for a long time. Benoit goes after Eddie’s bad ribs. Back in and Eddie is in agony. Benoit hooks on a seated abdominal stretch but since he’s hurt, Eddie fires off an armdrag which really injures Benoit.

Back to that stretch after some more slowly moving around. I don’t remember what caused Eddie’s injuries but I think it was a match with DDP. Wikipedia says I’m right so there you are. Eddie wakes up and pounds away in the corner but he has to pause again. He hits something that looks like a flying headbutt and both guys are down. Woman offers a distraction and Mongo pops Eddie in the ribs with the briefcase so Benoit can steal the pin.

Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade. As far as a match, it’s dull due to having to go very slowly. However, it would have been REALLY stupid to have them go out there and fly all over the place after we saw at least Benoit get mauled last night. I’ll go with right in the middle because the match made sense, but it was still kind of boring.

Nick Patrick and his attorney have an “interview”, which means the attorney is rude and spins things. It’s Jericho’s fault apparently. Jericho comes out and calls BS, saying Patrick is NWO. The attorney suggests Jericho needs anger counseling. Teddy comes out and blasts the attorney so the attorney threatens a slander lawsuit. This just goes on and on for like 4 minutes.

Booker T vs. Lex Luger

This would be a very different match a few years later. There’s no Stevie or Colonel Parker with Booker. There must be a LONG segment planned to close the show because we have well over 20 minutes not counting commercials, so it was probably about 9:30 when this match started. Colonel Parker has a quick promo, saying his gaffe last night (came in with the cane, Hall stole it and clocked Stevie with it for the titles) is all just blown out of proportion.

Lex takes over to start with pure power and sends him to the floor. Booker takes over back in and Sherri yells at the basketball player outside, saying he can help Booker win. Booker gets knocked to the floor again and things slow down one more time. Lex pounds him down in the corner and is acting more aggressive than usual. Lex hits a forearm and we take a break.

Back with Booker holding a chinlock. Wow a match getting over ten minutes. I don’t know how to handle this. Booker takes over and hits some of his basic stuff as Eric seems to drool over the idea of Piper being WCW. The Hangover misses and Lex calls for the Rack, but Sting pops up in the crowd and stares Luger down. Lex jumps into the crowd and runs after Sting for the countout loss.

Rating: D+. This was an elongated version of what we had going on earlier. Nothing to see here but they had a lot of time so they let them go for awhile. The problem is Booker wasn’t ready to do this yet so the match was pretty boring. It’s not that bad but it was again there just for the ending.

Eric talks about Piper calling WCW and asking for five minutes to confront Hogan. Here’s the whole segment from last night which basically says that Piper is as big a star as Hogan and Hogan is terrified. They talk forever and Hogan keeps backpedaling. Why Giant didn’t destroy him is still beyond me. This goes on for about ten minutes. The line of “If they didn’t hate me so much do you think they would have loved you so much” is pretty dead on though. They cut off the ending due to time.

Here’s the NWO to offer a rebuttal to last night because they didn’t talk enough there. Hogan gets a spotlight and says he told you so. As for Savage, he respects him due to carrying the burden of WCW. Hogan implies sex with Liz I think. After about two or three minutes he addresses Piper. He lies about what we just saw (classic heel move) and says Piper is scared. DiBiase says Hollywood is going to entertain us now so Hogan poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one. Everything here was kind of a big recap show for Halloween Havoc. Nothing at all was advanced in the main event as the whole ending was just a quick thing from Hogan which goes nowhere. I still don’t get why they went with Hogan vs. Piper in 1996 and then in 1997, but it made them a fortune so it’s really hard to question them. It doesn’t pick up for about three weeks though.

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Halloween Havoc 1990
Date: October 27, 1990
Location: UIC Pavilion, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul E. Dangerously

This is a somewhat forgotten period of the company’s history as Sting is world champion and he’s being haunted by the Black Scorpion. You would think a Halloween show would be perfect for a supernatural character to be blown off but that wound up happening at Starrcade. Instead tonight it’s Sting vs. Sid for the title as well as Luger vs. Stan Hansen for the US Title. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is just shots of the guys on the show.

Ross has a fedora on while Dangerously is a vampire.

Tony is a phantom of some kind. He talks to Ricky Morton and Tommy Rich who are teaming together because Robert Gibson is hurt.

Ricky Morton/Tommy Rich vs. Midnight Express

This would be Lane/Eaton’s last WCW match as Lane left to start SMW with Cornette. Their music (which is still freaking cool) gets a big pop. The Freebirds injured Gibson so there isn’t much heat here. Morton and Eaton get us going and it’s stalling early on. Eaton hiptosses Morton down and then does it again out of the corner. Eaton’s tights are so high up you can’t see his navel. He jumps into a punch to the ribs and Morton takes over a big.

We get a crisscross and hits a rana before it’s off to Lane. Actually scratch that as he’s just being nefarious. Now he comes in legally for a double team as Morton is in trouble again, this time off a Lane powerslam. A slingshot clothesline puts Morton down and Eaton adds an elbow drop. The Midnights are starting to cook here. Ricky gets sent to the floor and Eaton completely misses his top rope shot to the head.

Everyone but Lane is on the floor and Cornette gets in a racket shot to the throat. Morton is finally thrown back in and Lane fires off his karate shots. Cornette acts like the great manager that he is and distracts the referee so that Morton’s sunset flip is missed. Morton gets sent to the floor again and Lane hits him with a slam. The Express hits the Rocket Launcher onto Morton on the ramp in a good looking move.

Cornette gets in another racket shot to Morton as we’re almost ten minute in without Rich being in the match at all yet. He tries to come in but all that does is allow Lane to throw Ricky over the top. The idea is that Rich has no idea how to wrestle in a tag team so the Midnights are destroying the tag team expert. On the floor Morton hits a standing rana on Eaton before coming back in to small package Lane for two.

Eaton comes back in and hits the Alabama Jam but doesn’t cover for some reason. Back to Lane for more karate but Morton comes back by ramming Lane into the buckle. Still no tag but the second Rocket Launcher attempt hits knees. Eaton tags in Lane but Morton rolls into the corner to tag in Wildfire. Rich’s Thesz press is broken up so he goes up, only to get clocked by the racket. The Southern Boys come out dressed as Cornette for a distraction, allowing Morton to whack Lane with the racket for Rich to get the pin.

Rating: B. Good stuff here with the full tag team formula working to near perfection. Ricky Morton is perfect for what he was doing here, getting destroyed for about ten minutes before Rich comes in to do nothing before the ending. It’s perfect also that the Midnights go out after losing to Morton.

Bill Irwin vs. Terry Taylor

This is before Taylor is computerized and he’s no longer a farm animal. Jack Brickhouse of the Chicago Cubs is on commentary here. He’s a commentator so at least he has an idea here. The ring mat is red here and the buckles are orange if I forgot to mention that. Taylor works on the arm to start and things slow down a lot already. Irwin is a cowboy kind of guy so he has the bandana around his neck.

Taylor comes back with a missile dropkick for two. He takes it to the mat and hooks a headlock to slow things down again. Brickhouse used to be a wrestling announcer apparently. Irwin takes over and rams Taylor into his knee. A knee drop misses and it’s back to the headlock. Brickhouse snaps off a bunch of names he’s watched over the years, including Gotch and Hackenschmidt. Dang how old is this guy? His age would mean he couldn’t have seen them so apparently the guy is a liar. Good to know.

Irwin takes over again and the announcers insult Gordon Solie a bit. Brickhouse names off some other guys he used to watch, most of which you’ve heard of. He also knows most of the modern guys which is interesting. This guy could be a regular commentator. The match is being TOTALLY ignore but to be fair, it’s nothing of note with mostly rest holds. Irwin puts on a chinlock as JR is talking football.

There’s a boring chant going on now and it’s completely appropriate. Dangerously tries to get the commentary back on the match but I really don’t care to hear about it. Sleeper goes on as Brickhouse talks about Verne Gagne developing that move. I seem to remember it being Johnny Weaver but Gagne was certainly around first so maybe it was him. Then again it’s just a choke so it’s kind of a stretch to say any one person invented it.

A bridging belly to back gets two for Taylor but he walks into a tombstone for the same. Now we’re talking about the WCW Top Ten which was one of those things that was around for years but it never really meant anything. They head outside and Irwin is knocked off the ramp to the floor. Taylor takes over and drops a knee for two. Irwin chokes some more but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. A small package gets the same for Rooster Man, as does a rollup. Irwin puts him down with a spinebuster but doesn’t cover him properly, allowing Taylor to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: D-. What a boring match. Brickhouse, a guy that would have been in his mid 70s at this point, was by far the most interesting thing here. He seemed interested in being there and was talking wrestling almost the entire match, which is far more than you’ll get from most guest commentators. The match itself sucked as no one wanted to see it and neither guy did anything to make it better.

Tony brings out Sting to talk about his title defense later on tonight against Sid as well as the Black Scorpion. He’s tired of hearing about how big and bad Sid is and he just wants to start the fight now. Cue the Black Scorpion who is behind Sting on the stage as opposed to the platform Sting is on. Black Scorpion kidnaps some fan from next to the stage and puts her in a conveniently placed box/cage and makes her disappear. Then he pops up on the other side of the stage with the girl who Sting catches. There’s a reason this is considered the worst angle of all time.

J.W. Storm vs. Brad Armstrong

Armstrong is the Candyman which is another gimmick they gave him which was just a nickname that went nowhere. Storm is undefeated coming in and gets a good reaction. He’s 6’6 and in a leather jacket, which is taken off to reveal a good look. Why have I never heard of this guy? Storm blocks a hiptoss and kills Armstrong with a clothesline. Armstrong hits that perfect dropkick to send Storm out to the floor.

Storm comes back into the ring and charges right at Brad, taking him down with a clothesline. A big back elbow puts Armstrong down and it’s off to a chinlock. Brad fights out of it but gets caught in a hot shot for his troubles. Snap suplex gets two and a powerslam puts Brad down. Storm misses a dropkick and Armstrong hits a knee lift. They slug it out and mess up a rollup spot before Armstrong hooks a small package for the pin. Wait WHAT? That’s a huge surprise.

Rating: D+. This was a total head scratcher. Storm was undefeated coming in and was treated as a total monster for the whole match before a jobber to the stars pins him? This would be like Derrick Bateman getting repackaged and beating Tensai on Raw. I don’t get this one at all and I also don’t get why Storm didn’t get more of a push. He was in a jobber tag team called Maximum Overdrive but that’s about it. He had a great look and was a big guy who the fans seemed to be into. I don’t get it.

Southern Boys vs. Master Blasters

The Southern Boys are Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong while the Master Blasters are Blade and Steel. Blade is Al Green, a guy you might possibly remember as The Dog when WCW was dying. He was also part of a team called The Wrecking Crew in the early 90s which was nothing special. Steel on the other hand is Kevin Nash, who you may have heard of.

The Blasters look like the Road Warriors. Cornette comes out in a Confederate Army uniform for some reason and complains about the Armstrong Family, which you know is hilarious. Steve and Blade get us going with Blade being clotheslined to the floor. Cornette goes on a rant about how messed up the family is, including a bunch of stories about the odd family members. Off to Smothers who Cornette has stories about too. Nash comes in and is thrown to the floor with ease.

Cornette and Heyman are about to start the Civil War up all over again as Cornette is defending the south and Dangerously is standing up for the north. The Southern Boys try a double team move but even piling onto Steel they can’t get a two count. Cornette talks about how Smothers has some famous relatives: Rock Hudson, Liberace and Truman Capote. Here’s a hint about what they all have in common: they’re all gay (well maybe in Liberace’s case but he was certainly flamboyant).

Now Cornette goes on about how his granddaddy convinced Jefferson Davis to throw the Civil War because they didn’t want to have to live in New York once they took it over. Dangerously and Cornette go at it and JR sounds completely defeated trying to talk about the match. The Blasters run over everyone and HOKEY SMOKE NASH JUST GOT UP IN THE AIR ON A LEAPFROG! I mean he got WAY up there too.

Cornette goes to cheer on the Blasters as Dangerously has no idea what to make of him. Blade goes up but jumps into a boot. Back to Armstrong and JR calls Steel Rock for some reason. The Southern Boys hit their dropkick/spinebuster combination but Cornette interferes, allowing Blade to kill Armstrong with a clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the commentary is absolutely hilarious. When Cornette gets on a roll, there is almost no one in the world that can keep up with him. The match was a squash for the most part, but the Master Blasters never wound up doing anything. See, back in the old times, you would often have tag matches or even singles matches like these on PPV or TV. There’s no real point to them and the guys might not be going anywhere, but you set them up like this in case they might go somewhere. It was a good way of having a large amount of people to pick from, but it makes for some lousy PPVs.

Freebirds vs. Renegade Warriors

The Warriors are Chris and Mark Youngblood and they’re Indians. They’re also boring beyond belief, to the point that the HATED Freebirds are cheered coming to the ring. The Birds have jobber Rocky King as their roadie Little Richard Marley here. Hayes dances around to start before chopping Mark. The Youngbloods gang up on them and clear the ring so we can stall some more.

Off to Chris vs. Garvin with Jimmy suplexing him down and throwing him over the top to the floor while the referee isn’t looking. King gets in some weak offense on the floor and it’s off to a chinlock. Hayes comes in and it’s chinlock number two. That gets reversed into a sleeper but Hayes makes a blind tag to break up the hold. Back to Hayes so he and Chris can trade chops and punches. This is a really dull match so far.

Right back to the chinlock by Hayes to make sure this doesn’t get interesting. And the hold keeps going. And keeps going. This hold has been going for FOUR MINUTES. Shouldn’t Youngblood be legally dead by this point? If nothing else it’s certainly killing the crowd. Granted the rest of the match had already killed them but this is just pouring more and more dirt onto the grave.

They FINALLY get up and Hayes sets for the DDT, drawing the loudest pop since Sting was here. Remember that the Freebirds had been injuring a lot of people lately and were hated. That’s how bad the Warriors are. Either way it gets reversed and it’s off to Garvin. They head to the floor for nothing of note as this needs to end immediately. Hayes comes back in and drops an elbow for two before THE FREAKING CHINLOCK COMES BACK AGAIN! The announcers argue over Jon freaking Lovitz as Youngblood breaks the hold, only to have it put on AGAIN.

Hayes slams him down and goes up top for some reason. That gets him slammed down and it’s off to Mark. You would think the fans would cheer after a FIFTEEN MINUTE beating, but no one is all that interested. Everything breaks down and King gets in too. The referee puts him out and the distraction lets Hayes DDT Mark for the pin.

Rating: F. There were seven chinlocks in an 18 minute long match. The fans were loudly cheering for the hated heels. I think that sums up everything as well as anything else I could say. The Warriors really were that bad and the Birds didn’t help anything at all here. This was one of the most boring match I have ever seen, and that’s covering a lot of ground.

The Horsemen (Arn, Flair and Sid. The fourth is Barry Windham but he’s not here. Remember that because it becomes important later) warn Doom and Sting that they still have time to run before the belts come to the Horsemen.

US Tag Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Nasty Boys

This is a BIG feud and the Steiners are defending. The Nasties had beaten down the Steiners and left them bloodied after the match was made, which was unheard of at this point. It’s a brawl to start and Scott gets hit with a chair. He and Sags go into the ring with Scott escaping the superplex. He runs up the corner and hits a belly to belly superplex to take Jerry down. The crowd is going NUTS for this whole thing.

Knobbs interferes and it’s Jerry in control as he starts with Scott. Scott comes back with a Tiger Driver and Rick comes in to clean the ring. The Steiner Bulldog KILLS Sags but Knobbs breaks it up with a chair shot as the referee is getting Rick out. Knobbs, the illegal man, gets two off that. A side slam puts Scott down and the Steiners are in trouble. Powerslam gets two.

They go to the floor and Sags drops a knee on Scott, who is in big trouble. Sags comes in legally and hits a pumphandle slam for no cover. Side salto gets two with Rick making the save. The Nasties switch without a tag again so it’s back to Knobbs for more beating. Abdominal stretch goes on and the cheating draws in Rick again so the Nasties can switch again. Sags puts on a bearhug to stay on the bad back.

Scott comes out of it with the natural counter: a belly to belly suplex. The tag brings in Rick who cleans house with the Steiner Line. Rick gets knocked over the top to the floor and the Nasties hit a spike piledriver on Scott. Rick is like screw that and pops Sags with the chair. The referee is really lax about these tags. Jerry is busted open but he brings in Brian to prevent the tag to Rick.

Knobbs puts the bearhug on again and rams Scott’s back into the buckle a few times. Sags puts on a Boston Crab but Scott does a pushup to break it up, but Knobbs breaks up the tag again. A reverse chinlock goes on but Scott breaks out of that too. The Nasties try to cheat again but Scott avoids a charge and hits the Steiner Line on Jerry. Hot tag to Rick and everything breaks down.

The Steiners start pounding on the Nasties but they both get thrown to the floor. Rick comes back in with a double top rope clothesline to send the Nasties to the floor, but it lets them beat up Scott while they’re out there. Scott pulls Sags to the floor again and Rick KILLS Knobbs with a Steiner Line. There’s the Frankensteiner and I don’t care who you are, in 1990 that means it’s over.

Rating: B. What a great brawl this was. If you cut about three minutes out of this it’s a classic. This is the match that made the Nasty Boys, but since this is WCW, the idea of signing them up was unheard of so they were in the Royal Rumble less than three months after this and winning the tag titles from the Hart Foundation in about six months. The match was good, but the Steiners were so far and away better than any other team in the world at this point that it didn’t matter who they were facing.

The Nasties jump the Steiners again, hitting them with the same belt shots that started the feud.

Junkyard Dog vs. Moondog Rex

Please make this short. The Dog sends the Moondog to the floor and it’s time to stall. Back in the ring and they collide before JYD does the all fours headbutts. Moondog looks nothing like he usually does. He doesn’t even have a bone with him. A chair is brought in but it doesn’t go anywhere. Rex pounds him down while Paul asks why Mr. and Mrs. Dog named their son Junkyard. Oh ok there is a bone there but it’s on the corner. The referee takes it from him and a headbutt by the Dog gets the pin. This was nothing.

Tony talks to Scott who says it’s the Nasties’ blood on his tights, not his own. The Nasties, dressed as concession stand workers for some reason, jump Scott and beat him down. Dangerously thinks it’s hilarious.

World Tag Titles: Doom vs. Ric Flair/Arn Anderson

Doom has the titles and are recently turned faces. Anderson and Simmons start things off and AA gets shoved around. Simmons suplexes him down and headbutts him to the floor, making the Horsemen take a time out. Back in and Flair hits a knee to the back, but the suplex Anderson hits is no sold. Simmons comes back with right hands and Reed hits a knee of his own the back of Anderson. Powerslam gets two for Big Ron.

Teddy Long slaps Flair and Dangerously freaks out. Naitch comes in to face Reed and it’s time to strut. Flair goes to the eyes and takes over on a power man like only he can. Reed comes back with punches of his own and Doom hits stereo gorilla press slams to take over again. It gets back to Reed vs. Flair in the corner and the chops just don’t work on him Ric.

Reed sends him into the corner and the Flair Flip lands on a cameraman.

Simmons pounds Flair up the ramp and the chops STILL don’t work. Back to ringside and the Horsemen are in trouble. Anderson comes in to face Reed but it’s quickly off to Simmons. The Horsemen finally realize they can’t overpower Doom so they do what they do best: cheat! Flair comes back in and now his chops work. Anderson’s spinebuster gets two on Ron. Back to Flair and it’s time to go after the knee. There’s the Figure Four (on the correct leg and everything) and they even cheat during that.

Simmons finally makes it to the rope but Anderson is right there to keep Ron in the ring. Ron fights back but his right hands only get him so far. A dropkick misses and they get into a test of strength on the mat, letting Arn do his jump in the air and crotch himself spot. Back to Flair and even with Simmons worn down he can’t drop him with a shoulder. To the floor and Flair gets sent into the barricade to give Simmons a chance.

A sunset flip on Arn doesn’t work as Anderson makes the tag to Flair on the way down. Simmons hits a kind of clothesline (looked more like a jumping fist) but AA stops the tag AGAIN. Simmons is finally like screw this and drills Anderson so he can make the tag to Butch. Everything breaks down and Reed kills Anderson with a top rope shoulder for two. DDT kills Reed but Simmons makes the save. They fight to the floor and it’s a double countout which isn’t that popular of a decision.

Rating: B. I was digging this match until the end, but it was really just a setup for the better street fight at Starrcade. Granted that had Windham and Anderson due to Flair having to do something else that night but it was still the Horsemen. Anyway, good match here but the ending was more or less just a setup for a street fight later on.

Stan Hansen breaks a pumpkin which represents Lex Luger.

US Title: Stan Hansen vs. Lex Luger

Luger has held the title for an insane seventeen months coming into this, a record which is about six months longer than anyone else ever. Luger goes nuts on Hansen to start and elbows him to the floor. Back in and Hansen takes it right back to the floor, sending Luger into the post. They head back in (again) and Lex slams him down but gets taken down with a headlock takeover. A charge misses Luger in the corner and Hansen lands on the floor.

Luger rams Hansen into the ramp a few times and heads back in to drop some knees. A snap suplex puts Stan back in control and an elbow drop gets two. Hansen hits a headbutt and bulldog for two. He goes up for some reason but misses an elbow. Luger comes back with a dropkick and pounds away on the challenger.

Elbow drop gets two as does a suplex. Hansen comes back but shoves a referee which doesn’t draw a DQ for some reason. The Lariat misses but Luger hits a clothesline of his own. Here’s Dan Spivey, Hansen’s protege, to throw in the cowbell. Luger avoids that and bulldogs him down. He calls for the Rack but walks into the Lariat for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was a lot of punching and kicking, but to their credit they had Hansen win the title almost completely clean here. The weapon shot didn’t hit, Spivey didn’t touch Luger, the referee didn’t see anything at all and it was the Lariat that got the pin. Hansen would lose the title at Starrcade but this was a good surprise. The match was pretty dull though.

Teddy Long says nothing of note.

Missy Hyatt thinks Sid will win. I have no idea why she was here.

NWA World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Sting

Sid is a Horseman here. They talk some trash and Sid blasts him in the back, only to get caught by a cross body. Sid doesn’t go down, but puts Sting in a backbreaker instead. That gets no sold so Sting clotheslines him to the floor. Back in and Sid misses a clothesline, sending him up and over the top. Sid gets sent into the post and we head back inside. It’s a fast paced match so far.

Sting grabs the arm and cranks on it for awhile while we look at the crowd a bit. They go to the mat in a surprising move. Sid realizes how crazy it is to go to the mat when you’re almost seven feet tall and pops up with a clothesline to take over. JR calls Sid’s powerbomb (he was one of if not the first guy to popularize it in America) a version of a bodyslam. Another clothesline puts the champion down and gets a very delayed two.

Off to a nerve hold which is broken pretty quickly. Sting fights out of it but walks into a powerslam for two and it’s time for choking. Sting fights back again but misses the Splash in the corner. Sid hammers on him on the apron but Sting pops up to the top for a cross body, getting two. Sid takes him right back down and Sting goes out to the floor. Back to the apron and a forearm to the chest ala Sheamus gets two for Sid.

Sid goes back to the chinlock but the crowd is starting to wake up. Sting escapes but both guys miss elbows and it’s right back to Vicious in control. A bulldog out of nowhere put Sid down but Sid hits a big boot to send Sting to the apron. They fight up the ramp with Sting being left laying.

Sid goes to the ring and poses, so Sting charges, dives over the top, and takes the big man down. A dropkick puts Sid on the floor and Sting follows him out with a plancha. They fight into a convenient opening in the barricade as the Horsemen show up. Sid and Sting disappear but come back, only for Sting to pick Sid up for a slam, fall down and lose the title.

Rating: C-. The match was just ok with Sting doing what he could, but Sid’s offense was shall we say limited. He didn’t have the chokeslam yet for a secondary finisher so it was powerbomb or nothing. That being said, he never even tried for the powerbomb, which makes the ending kind of strange.

Oh and one more thing: that wasn’t Sting that got pinned. As Sid is celebrating and the fireworks are going off, Sting comes back with ropes around his wrist. He hits Sid with the belt, hits the Stinger Splash and hooks a small package to really win the match. The other Sting would be revealed as Barry Windham but it rally wasn’t that important.

Overall Rating: D+. This show isn’t the worst ever, but there really isn’t anything worth seeing. The Nasties match wound up being nothing, the Horsemen vs. Doom would be improved upon at the next PPV, the main event didn’t mean anything, and the rest of the card is pretty much worthless. The home video version, as usual, cuts down a lot of the awful stuff here and gives you a decent show. This isn’t a horrible show but there’s nothing worth seeing here.

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