Impact Wrestling
Date: March 14, 2013
Location: Sears Center, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley

We’re past the Orlando era now as Impact will be on the road permanently going forward. The main story of course is that Bully Ray is the new TNA World Champion, having beaten Jeff Hardy on Sunday at Lockdow while also revealing that he is in fact the President of Aces and 8’s, FINALLY giving the team both a leader as well as a major accomplishment. We’ll hear about that as well as see AJ Styles live on Impact for the first time in months tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Lockdown with Hogan telling Bully Ray to be remembered as he won the title. This transitions into a package of still photos from the world title match with Ray accepting the help of Aces and 8’s and winning the title.

Tag Titles: Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries

Never mind as Aces and 8’s beat down Chavo and Hernandez before the champions ever come to the ring.

D-Von says this is the team that is going to take over TNA and introduces the new world champion Bully Ray. Bully and D-Von do their old Dudleys pose before Bully is presented with his biker vest. Ray asks if we know who he is before saying he’s the President of Aces and 8’s, the world champion, the man who fooled Sting, Hulk and Brooke but also made fools out of all the fans. For nine months the fans bought into Ray and all the lies he told.

On Sunday he was so proud of the team and he never felt better than when he hit Jeff with the hammer to win the title. The plan was delayed a bit as Bully was supposed to leave when Wes and Garrett came into the cage, but they waited until the Hogans came down. See, an hour before the main event, Hulk gave Bully a lecture about doing something memorable. Ray says that’s something the NWO never could accomplish. Ray begs Hogan to come out and fire him but knows Hulk won’t do it. He says when you ride with Aces and 8’s, you never ride alone.

Sting is in the back freaking out about how Aces and 8’s are burning TNA at the stake. He need to talk to Hulk so he can get his hands on Aces and 8’s tonight.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Mickie James/Velvet Sky

A pre-match interview with Gail talks about how Teryn Terrell is on probation for costing Gail the title on Sunday. Gail and Velvet start things off with Sky taking Gail down with a series of armdrags. Off to Mickie for a double rolling leg drag on Kim. Mickie chokes Gail in the corner and gets two off an enziguri as we take a break. Back with Mickie getting caught in the Tarantula from Tara in the ropes.

A double slingshot suplex gets two for Gail on Mickie and it’s off to the corner for some choking. Mickie comes out of said corner with a hurricanrana and there’s the hot tag to Velvet. Gail and Teryn get in an argument with Gail shoving her down. Terrell smacks her in the face, allowing Mickie to hit the Thesz Press off the top on Gail. Tara hits Mickie with the Widow’s Peak but Velvet takes out Tara with In Yo Face for the pin at 9:40.

Rating: C. This was one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a very long time. Mickie is so smooth in the ring and it’s very nice to see those long legs back again. The rest of the match was ok but Gail vs. Teryn does nothing for me as there’s no reason to care about Terrell other than she’s a hot blonde.

We recap the Aces and 8’s segment from earlier before going to the back to see Bully toasting Aces and 8’s. He thanks them for being behind him these past nine months but realizes he hasn’t talked to his wife in awhile. Bully calls Brooke and they leave her a voicemail to get on her nerves. Oh and say hi to dad for him.

Hulk won’t answer anything about Aces and 8’s.

Robbie E vs. Robbie Terry

This is a rematch from the PPV where E got destroyed. Terry power walks to the ring, sending E running to the floor. E tries to jump Terry but it has no effect at all. A big beal sends E flying as does a one man flapjack. Terry hits a modified Jackhammer as the fans chant feed me more ala Ryback. The fireman’s carry into a spinebuster gets the pin for Terry at 1:19.

Terry dances post match.

Sting goes in to see Hulk and we cut to a break.

Aces and 8’s continue to celebrate.

Hogan blames Sting for everything that happened with Bully. Sting wants Bully tonight but Hogan goes on a rant, saying he never should have trusted Bully. Apparently everything is over and nothing can get better again.

We recap AJ’s saga and his loss to Daniels on PPV. We also look at the Claire Lynch stuff and AJ walking out on the company.

Sting runs into Aries and Roode, now with matching shirts that identify them as dirty heels. They make fun of him for causing all of these problems and say that it’s unfortunate that they can’t fight, because they were going to give Hogan and Sting a title shot. Sting says he wants to fight and Roode bails, leaving Aries alone with the Stinger. Apparently they’re fighting later tonight.

Here’s AJ back to Impact after several months away. Or actually not as instead it’s Bad Influence in Road Warrior attire. Ok that’s pretty awesome. They don’t have the spikes but they can do the poses perfectly. Kaz says they’re bringing back Throwback Thursday and paying homage to the second best tag team in wrestling history. Daniels even does Hawk’s WEEEEEEEEEEEEEL catchphrase. Apparently this is the Legion of Boom.

This brings out James Storm who says that the original LOD is a little bigger, a little tougher and a lot more over than these two are. Bad Influence gets to pick which of them gets beaten up by Storm right now.

James Storm vs. Christopher Daniels

Storm starts fast and throws Daniels around before ramming Daniels into Kaz, getting two as a result. Kaz trips up Storm to get Daniels control which includes a slingshot moonsault. Storm comes back in a slugout though but can’t hit Eye of the Storm. Daniels puts him down with a release Rock Bottom, only to miss the BME. Storm hits Closing Time and a Backstabber for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C. Not much you can say about a match that long. Storm in a big time program would be a good thing for him as after last year he’s desperately in need of a reset. Daniels vs. AJ must be coming again though, because this is TNA and that’s how things work around here. Not much to the match but it was fine.

Post match Bad Influence beats up Storm but here’s the returning AJ to lay out the evil tag team. Daniels bails but AJ hits Storm as well.

We recap Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle from Sunday before seeing Aces and 8’s destroying Angle in the back.

Here’s Joseph Park who is gushing about having two wins now. He’s been reflecting on his accomplishments, including graduating law school and making partner at Park Park and Park. Park grew up around here going to Cubs games (mixed reaction) and going to Blackhawks games (POP) and he can’t wait for what’s coming next.

This brings out Matt Morgan to make fun of Hulk because that story is still going on after not being mentioned for months I guess. Morgan doesn’t like Park having a contract here and calls Park Hogan’s biggest mistake. One by one, Morgan is going to eliminate each and every one of Hulk’s mistakes, starting with Park. He tells Park to leave but Morgan insults Chicago and that means it’s time to fight. Morgan uses the always lame “on my time” excuse and goes to leave, only to catch Park not paying attention and kicking him in the head. Morgan says his time is next week.

Aces and 8’s want to know if Hulk is going to fire them because they’ve destroyed a lot of people. Ray thinks destroying the show sounds like a good idea so let’s go do that.

We get some clips of Brooke freaking out after the end of Lockdown.

Austin Aries vs. Sting

Feeling out process to start as the fans are split on who to cheer for. Sting carries Aries over to the corner but Austin lays on the ropes to show off. Sting kicks him down but misses a Stinger Splash as Aries bails to the outside. Back in for a bit before Sting knocks him right back to the floor. There’s the Stinger Splash to Roode against the barricade and Aries is sent through the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Sting still in control but he has to stop and yell at Roode, which gets Bobby ejected. The distraction lets Aries kick the rope into the Little Stingers and there’s the suicide dive for good measure. Back in and Aries hits a middle rope dropkick to the back of a seated Sting for two. Aries pounds away in the corner but Sting gets in a few right hands. A dropkick to the knee puts Sting back down though and Aries keeps control via a quickly broken half crab.

Back up and Sting misses a dropkick but Aries tries for the Scorpion Deathlock. Unfortunately he doesn’t know hot to hook the hold and Sting is able to come back again. A big clothesline spins Aries inside out but Austin bails away from the real Scorpion. After guillotining Sting down on the top rope, a missile dropkick puts Sting down for about one second.

Sting busts out a gorilla press slam before missing another Stinger Splash. Aries hits a running dropkick in the corner and a running splash of his own. The brainbuster is countered into a Scorpion Death Drop for two but the Stinger Splash sets up the Deathlock…but here are Aces and 8’s for the DQ at 15:16.

Rating: C+. Good match here until the run in ended as this match continues to become more and more like the NWO. The match was rolling along until the end with a story of Sting not being able to hit the Splash until the end. It was cool to see the old gorilla press come back here though and the match was better than I was expecting.

Aces and 8’s want to know if Hogan is going to fire them.

After a break Ray is still wanting Hogan to come out and here he is. Hulk is still on crutches so he stays on the stage. He says firing Aces and 8’s would be too easy and they deserve the hard way. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it’s coming. Right now, Hogan is telling everyone on the roster to go to war with the bikers.

About five guys (including Angle, Terry, Hardy, Chavo and Hernandez) runs out to beat down Aces and 8’s but there are too many bikers resulting in a big beatdown of the TNA guys. Jeff Hardy is beaten down in just a few seconds and this is a pretty lame brawl. Ray says is this what you meant by memorable and starts destroying everyone with his chain. Ray goes halfway up the ramp and says the cavalry just got destroyed. He asks what his dad is going to do to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a really solid show tonight as everything seemed to have a new energy to it. It was cool to see Aces and 8’s with a swagger that they could back up, which is probably because none of them wrestled tonight. Everything had a point tonight and it was like the beginning of a new year for the show in a lot of ways. I’m excited for next week’s Impact which is a rarity anymore.

Results

Mickie James/Velvet Sky b. Tara/Gail Kim – In Yo Face to Tara

Rob Terry b. Robbie E – Spinebuster

James Storm b. Christopher Daniels – Backstabber

Sting b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aces and 8’s interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Victory Road 2011
Date: March 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well this is TNA’s offering for the month. It’s another show with the majority of it added on at the very end with no real build to it. Yes there are stories for the matches, but that doesn’t mean there’s justification for asking something like 40 dollars for a show. The main event is the rematch of Sting vs. Jeff Hardy and the third #1 contender situation for Anderson. Let’s get to this as it’s one of the least interesting shows I can remember in forever.

The opening video is the Sting mask being crawled on by a scorpion. Wow they’re banking a lot on this push.

Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

Pre match Ray runs his mouth about how awesome Hogan and Bischoff are for letting him have a run. Dreamer comes out and Ray talks about how he’s run Dreamer into the ground over the years and mentions breaking his wife’s neck. This is now hardcore. They brawl to start us off and Dreamer sends him to the floor as we imply Ray going to Immortal. Well if they want to drive it off a cliff why not?

A fan holds a up a chair and Dreamer rams Bubba into it. There’s some water spit into Bubba’s head. This is opening a PPV in 2011. Dreamer grabs some big yellow stuffed animal (apparently from Despicable Me) to drill Ray with. Into the crowd now as my head is already hurting from this. Granted that might be due to Florida getting a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament but who knows.

They go into the balcony with the traditional carry the guy around style. Dreamer hits him in the head with something that looked like it was made of metal to continue his dominance so far. Back to ringside with Bubba getting in a big shot with some other unidentifiable weapon. Crowd is hating on Ray pretty well. He’s played the character well, but why in the world is it Bubba Ray Dudley getting this push?

Ray goes after Dreamer’s hand which only works to an extent. Dreamer throws some garbage cans with weapons into the ring. Good thing he had those just in case this was made hardcore I guess. They have a road block thing that has a name that I can’t think of in there. It’s the orange/white fence thing that is moved up when you drive through it. And there’s an inflatable doll in there which Bubba lands in a 69 position with.

Splash on the doll onto Bubba gets two. Ray gets a trashcan lid shot to the head of Dreamer as Dreamer goes up top. Superplex gets no cover. Bubba Bomb is blocked into a DDT for two. Dreamer brings in a table (moving it off the love doll) which is set up in the ring like a small ramp. The fans want D-Von as Ray gets a spinning Rock Bottom for two. He sets the table for Dreamer and calls out at D-Von. The kids of D-Von come out as does D-Von and Ray takes a 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: D+. There was a blowup doll in this as well as a Despicable Me doll. I get that it’s a comedy match, but dude it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Bubba Ray Dudley opening a PPV in a semi-comedy match in the year 2011. Just get to the table match that is coming for Bubba vs. D-Von so they can move into midcard purgatory.

Winter and the Beautiful People insist they’re cool. Winter says the issues have been Velvet’s fault. This gets a WTF look from Velvet.

Knockout Tag Titles: Rosita/Sarita vs. Winter/Angelina Love

The Mexican chicks say basic Spanish stuff. Winter is blindfolded or something and there’s no Velvet, making me think the titles are changing here. Rosita and Angelina start us off but it’s off to Winter quickly as the champions are dominating. Bridging Northern Lights gets two. Angelina back in now as the fans chant USA for two Mexican chicks, Angelina (Canadian) and the British chick Winter.

Sarita is in now and has about as much luck as Rosita had. There’s some heel cheating and Rosita misses a front flip legdrop that was aimed at Angelina’s ankles. More fast tags by the champions as they regain control quickly. Everything breaks down slightly and Sarita grabs a belt. She drops it and Rosita gets ahold of it but Velvet runs in to steal it. Winter rolls her up but no referee. Rosita reverses it and wins the titles with a pin.

Rating: D. Well this was predictable. I don’t think this lasted very long but I don’t time PPV matches so it’s not like it matters. Granted these titles have been worthless since they debuted. Velvet has to explain herself. Wouldn’t Winter know that she was never hit by a belt and that would be enough validation? Whatever.

We’re going to have the Jarretts on vacation tonight. They’re at Universal Studios and Karen is bored out of her mind with the rollercoasters. The kids are with them and Karen hates the kid stuff.

Morgan talks about (Shawn) Hernandez and how the Mexican company dropped him. Morgan says that after this he’s going after the world title. The recap for the match is just that Hernandez came back and played the race card, setting this up. He’s in Immortal also.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

This is first blood. Hernandez came out to the LAX theme which is a rarity. They head to the floor almost immediately as Morgan rushes the ring. Hernandez gets a sharp wooden stick and tries to jab it into Morgan’s face ala Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard. I apologize for comparing this to a classic like that. Hernandez ribs as the face as the fans want blood. Morgan fights back by a side slam.

Hernandez hits a Pounce as we hear about how awesome he was in AAA. He was so awesome he wasn’t at their biggest show of the year last year. Hernandez hammers away until Morgan gets a discus lariat. This is rather boring if you didn’t get that. Fall away slam continues Morgan’s lack of head shots. He grabs the stick from earlier but gets kicked in the gut to drop it.

A fan runs in and Hernandez pulls out a chain. Morgan kicks it out of his hand and drills Hernandez with it. The referee is down and Hernandez is busted open. Hernandez comes out of the corner and sprays Morgan with something that looks like fake blood or something like that. The other referee comes out of the back (I guess not watching on a monitor or something) and gives it to Hernandez.

Rating: F+. Well the ending was original as I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done. However, this is more or less every other first blood match with the heel bleeding and getting the win anyway in a screwy finish. This was nothing at all of note, but granted you can say that about the first 45 minutes entirely here of Impact on Sunday.

It’s Max Buck’s birthday and he works as a team with his brother. Shenanigans are implied.

Kazarian interviews JB in a weird moment. He busts out a Charlie Sheen reference, making me want to end Kazarian.

Robbie E yells at someone that we can’t see. Cookie is panicking about Ultimate X and Robbie says he’s fine. This was idiotic if you didn’t get that.

Video on Ultimate X. It’s so awesome that it got thrown on at the last minute.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

The idea here is the title is hung over the ring on cables that cross to form an X. You have to climb across to grab the title and can’t use a ladder. It’s supposed to be all about Maz remember. This is the 24^th Ultimate X match in history apparently and Kaz’s fifth. This is kind of a weird triple that with Gen Me vs. Robbie vs. Kaz. The team beats up both guys to start us off.

Kaz fights them off for a bit and manages a springboard up to the X in a cool spot. That gets him nowhere as Robbie comes in and stomps away. Max goes up but it’s Robbie stopping him. Cookie is hot but the voice is annoying. Gen Me gets everyone down and goes for the belt until Robbie stops them again. Kaz is back in now and faces off with Jersey Boy.

Robbie escapes the Fade to Black (that reverse Piledriver) and gets backdropped to the floor, hitting his ankle on the steps. Gen Me wakes up again and takes down both guys one more time. Jeremy gets a sweet assisted moonsault to take Robbie and Kaz down. Max is all alone but wants Jeremy to help him up instead. Jeremy holds off Kaz and Max makes a run at it. Kaz of course saves as Robbie has a bad ankle still.

Double dropkick puts down Kaz and a baseball slide does the same to Robbie. Jeremy does this weird reverse jump to get up and holds off Kaz. This again fails and Maz, who also was trying to get the belt, is swung backwards and gets knocked off and caught in a cutter to put him down. Robbie gets up and goes for the title, only to get pulled down by Max. And never mind as Max is sent into the structure by Kaz and gets stuck. That’s different if nothing else.

Everyone is down now and Max is unhooked for a change. Kaz hits Fade to Black on Robbie but gets kicked by Jeremy. Jeremy tries to go up only to take an enziguri from the champion to put him down. Flux Capacitor (suplex/rock bottom) off the top by Kaz puts Jeremy down again. Robbie and Kaz both go across at the same time. Gen Me kicks Robbie down and swing the champion down too in a nice bump.

Jeremy goes up and Max is ticked. Max pulls him down which is the point of the match. They both go from opposite corners and both are hung by their legs upside down in the middle. They slug it out up there until Robbie grabs a ladder to take them down. Kaz goes above the X and grabs the title at the same time as Robbie. Kaz pulls it up but there’s no bell. Oh there it is.

Rating: C+. It’s ok but this is a match that has been done so many times that there wasn’t much here. It’s definitely one of the weaker matches they’ve had with this gimmick but it’s still good. Fun match but they kept trying to play up the Bucks only for them to break up and not play a factor in the end. Fun, but definitely not great.

More honeymoon stuff and Karen wants champagne. Instead it’s a pizza. Next up: a water park.

Beer Money hits on Christy and try to get her to do the BEER MONEY thing. Basically it’s to hit on her and stare at her. Can’t say I blame them. They get serious and say they’re awesome but Ink Inc is overstepping their bounds. Something about respect is mentioned.

We recap the feud, which was Ink Inc saying they want a title shot and Beer Money saying ok.

Tag Titles: Ink Inc vs. Beer Money

I could see this being good. Neal vs. Storm starts us off With no one taking over we get a double tag and some technical stuff follows. The fans are split which makes sense for once as they’re both face teams. Moore gets a leg lariat for two. Neal comes in now and takes a powerslam for two. This is taking a bit to get off the ground here.

Moore back in now and we hit the chinlock. They do some basic stuff and it’s one of those moments where stuff happens but nothing is going on. It’s ok but there is no interest in this at all. It could be because there’s no history here and it’s there for the sake of having a title match. Roode gets a spinebuster on Neal for two. Ink Inc takes over again as Taz isn’t even sure who is legal.

Roode gets the formerly Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) to Neal and goes up top with Moore. Down goes Roode and a Whisper in the Wind to Storm gets no cover. Roode with a Rock Bottom for two. BEER MONEY thing kind of gets the crowd hot but Neal hits the spear on Storm. Neckbreaker gets two on Roode. Moore wants to use the chain but Neal disagrees. Beer Money comes back and the DWI ends Moore. I guess they’re splitting one of the two active teams worth anything.

Rating: C+. This was just there for the most part. It wasn’t great at all but it wasn’t bad. Like I said: just kind of there. The total lack of story hurt it a lot which is due to the booking and not the guys. This wasn’t bad but it was really not interesting at all. Granted that might be Shannon Moore.

Neal shakes their hands post match but Moore spits beer in their faces, I guess turning heel. He talks about having to be tough to win. Whatever.

Matt Hardy talks about how he’s cold blood/cold blooded and will hurt AJ.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy

This is just Immortal vs. Fourtune. AJ uses speed to take over and grabs a front facelock. Sweet dropkick takes Matt down. Flair interferes and here comes Matt. Here come the dueling chants also. Matt has the braided hair back too. He’s in jeans and no armbands either, making him look like a bum.

Out to the floor again where AJ is sent into the post. He counters by hitting his always awesome slide under the railing and springboard forearm. Back in the ring now with AJ taking over for awhile. Matt sends him to the floor and Flair hammers away. That’s Lockdown for these two next month people. Back in Matt grabs a submission hold which is like a body vice. Picture him setting for a double arm DDT and jumping up to wrap his legs around AJ. It looked good if nothing else.

The rope is reached so it’s not like it means anything. Taz says there’s no escape to it, which is stupid as AJ just escaped. Flair grabs AJ’s balls for a bit and Matt grabs a cravate. This is boring as heck if that wasn’t clear. AJ comes back and hammers away as the crowd seems a bit restless. Enziguri puts Matt down and AJ does the same. More punching follows and a big kick to the head sets up a backbreaker for two.

AJ misses a discus lariat and the Side Effect gets two. This needs to end rather soon here. Matt gets an elbow to the back of AJ’s head and it’s Twist of whatever time. It’s blocked into a backslide for two and down goes AJ again. AJ gets back up and tries the Clash but Matt escapes that and gets two. Styles kind of botches his backflip into the reverse DDT but Flair distracts the referee.

Flair pokes AJ in the eye and takes a Pele for his efforts. Matt gets a DDT and a moonsault for two. END THIS ALREADY. Hey they listen to me as AJ takes Matt down and Spiral Tap of all things which AJ hasn’t used in years (it’s a top rope twisting moonsault/splash) gets him the pin.

Rating: D+. AJ was good, Matt was sluggish. What else were you expecting here? For the life of me I don’t get why people see money in Matt Hardy as he’s just big and slow at this point with the fans cheering him for some reason. AJ needs to just beat Flair and get it over with already. At least Matt didn’t win so there is that at least.

Back to the honeymoon with Karen snapping on Jeff. She wants sex apparently. Jeff thinks she means Kurt. This storyline has died so many times it’s insane. Thursday on Impact Jeff is going to call for a truce. They’re not sure where their kids are but they all get soaked. Jeff has been a total face the entire night now.

Anderson talks about getting screwed over and more or less says he’s a tweener.

We recap RVD vs. Anderson. In short, they both want the title and both say they got screwed. Somehow we’re talking about football. They’re grasping at whatever straws grasp at to come up with a backstory for this match. They talk about Lockdown in the voiceover but I stopped caring a long time ago.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

This is ANOTHER #1 contenders match for Anderson after he won one already. They stare it down to start and it’s dueling chant time with Anderson’s being louder. Technical stuff goes on and it’s a standoff. More technical stuff follows as I think this is supposed to be an epic match. They botch a leapfrog spot with Van Dam taking a head to the balls. This show is almost a comedy of errors at this point.

Rolling Thunder to Anderson as I just want this match to end at this point. Spinning legdrop to the railing misses Anderson and the leg hits the railing to give Anderson control. Anderson works the leg and it’s all basic stuff here. Mic Check is blocked and Rolling Thunder doesn’t work either. Van Dam gets a suplex to put both guys down.

Both guys go down again and this is just dragging like every other match so far. Van Dam goes shoulder first into the post and they ram heads to go down AGAIN. Now they head to the floor off a cross body and they lay around AGAIN. Anderson gets the Mic Check on the stage and Van Dam is more of less dead.

And it’s a double count out. The fans boo the HECK out of that and I’d be with them. This somehow was 15 minutes long. Where in the world was the 15 minutes? Oh and look: MORE multi-man title matches. The fans chant to restart it and half chant no. Now it’s a 5 more minutes chant. Get on with it already.

Rating: F. This was just boring and the ending hurt it even more. They have zero chemistry together and this show has sucked so hard so far that this made it even worse. It’s obvious they’re doing a multi-man match at Lockdown but that isn’t helping anything as far as tonight goes. This is one of the worst PPVs I’ve seen in a very long time which is saying a lot when it comes to TNA.

We recap Sting winning the title on 3/3. He was a surprise, read the other reviews for the details.

Hardy says that he was treated unfairly and he’ll win tonight to bring everyone back to reality.

Sting talks about getting into the business and it’s music video time. I’ve heard this interview before. Probably was on Impact or something. Yeah I think it was. He was at home and felt a burn. Call a doctor dude.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

It’s 10:30 and Jeff is wasting time getting to the ring. Before the match Bischoff comes out to waste MORE time. He makes it No DQ which somehow takes like two minutes. Sting drops him and the Scorpion Death Drop ends this in less than a minute. That was their first contact of the “match.” I kid you not. Are they serious?

We get a highlight video to fill in 6 minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. The show has been over for 15 minutes now (final bell rang at 10:38) and I don’t know what to say. Early word is that Hardy was in no condition to perform. If that’s the case, TNA’s creative and management team all should refund the fan’s money and resign. You had 150 minutes to come up with ANYTHING else to put out there and this is what they gave us. Put Bully Freaking Ray out there and it’s a better than this.

I’m still not sure what to think about what just happened but this is awful even by TNA standards. It’s a big slap in the face to the people that bought this show and they’ve cost themselves dearly. I was going to go to Lockdown and now I have no interest in going at all. Absolutely awful ending and a disgrace all around. Jeff being high or not, you do not let this happen. Period.

As for the rest of the show, it was bad. There was nothing at all of note worth seeing and that makes the ending even worse. This show didn’t need to happen at the end of the day. It’s a speed bump on the road to Lockdown and nothing was advanced here. Now, because of this, TNA has another fire to put out. I have no idea where they go from here but it’s nowhere good.

Results

Tommy Dreamer b. Bully Ray – 3D with help from D-Von

Rosita/Sarita b. Winter/Angelina Love – Rollup to Winter

Hernandez b. Matt Morgan – Hernandez squirted blood on Morgan

Kazarian b. Max Buck, Jeremy Buck and Robbie E – Kazarian pulled down the Title

Beer Money b. Ink Inc – DWI to Moore

AJ Styles b. Matt Hardy – Spiral Tap

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam went to a double countout

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Starrcade 1988
Date: December 26, 1988
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bob Caudle

We’re firmly in the Horsemen era here with the main event being Luger vs. Flair for the title in what is considered their best match of their seemingly never ending series. There’s an interesting story to that which I’ll get to at the end of the review. Since this is NWA time there are only seven matches and 6 of them get over ten minutes and 5 of them get over 15 minutes.

That was one thing you could count on in this era: nice long matches. The only other thing you need to know about here is the Varsity Club, a group of guys that were “amateur stars” (most of them were but not all of them. Picture a Jack Swagger stable) who are the upper midcard heel group. They’re around a lot here. Let’s get to it.

Kevin Sullivan and Mike Rotunda (members of the Varsity Club) say they’ll beat Rick Steiner (former member of the Club) and Rotunda will keep the TV Title. Rotunda cannot talk that well. Oh this is actually part of the preshow.

Steiner apparently got electrocuted and can’t remember how to talk that well. Yeah this was a weird time. He has a face painted on his hand named Alex. Ok every gimmick can’t be a Horseman. This show is on a Monday actually, but the Sunday was Christmas Day so the thinking is correct here I guess.

Standing highlight package of the matches tonight opens us up, with the highlight being Dusty, who had his eye stabbed by the heel turning Road Warriors, says “make sure you take both eyes, both limbs, both hearts, both ears etc.” See an issue there?

Tony Schiavone is the host and has a true mustache going on. Magnum TA is with him and isn’t even 30 years old at this point. Such a shame.

US Tag Titles: Varsity Club vs. Fantastics

Kevin Sullivan and Steve Williams here. Williams is an absolute monster who is far more famous in Japan than he is here. Sullivan is listed as being from Singapore. Ok then. Rogers and Fulton (the Fantastics) are an incredibly underrated team as this era was dominated by teams like the Road Warriors, the Horsemen, the Rock N Roll Express and the Midnight Express. This is a shame as they really were good.

Sullivan and Fulton start us off and Fulton hits a Thesz Press off the top for a fast two. Williams comes in and things slow way down. And Jason Hervey is here to just tick me off. Why did he have to ALWAYS get some quick camera time? The champions use their speed and tandem offense to work on Williams’ arm. Nice double monkey flip by the champions but Fulton gets caught in a gorilla press where Williams literally throws Fulton in the air about 6 times in a row. He had SCARY power.

Williams is 27 here which is scary. Fulton gets a headlock on him and Williams is just like screw that and hits a suplex to counter. He’s almost the Brock Lesnar of his era actually. Sullivan comes back in to give the champions a chance. Williams comes back in and just ends the Fantastics before tagging back out. Ok so he didn’t as Sullivan was just being a jerk.

Rogers gets a sunset flip for two on Williams and that’s about it. Back to Fulton who locks in a big old bearhug that the heel has to resort to the thumb to the eye to get out of. Both guys tag but the face one isn’t seen. Who cares about that though? We go from five minutes gone by to ten in less than 4 minutes so I’m betting on a clip in there somewhere. Actually it’s been about 10 minutes since the match started so maybe the five minute call was late.

Sullivan misses something from the top and Williams is tagged and just MAULS Rogers. This guy is awesome. The heels are tagging incredibly fast in this match. In about 12 minutes we’ve seen at least 8 or 9 tags from them so far which is a tonw hen you think about it. It’s also a ton when you don’t think about it but you get what I mean. Rogers gets a dropkick to send Williams reeling but Sullivan stops the tag.

A pair of double stomps to the ribs of Rogers gets two. Rogers jumps over Sullivan to get the tag to Fulton. We hit fifteen minutes (the ring announcer says this and I figure it helps give an idea of how much we’ve gotten through) and the champions both get sleepers on. Fulton goes for the Thesz Press but Williams catches him in a Hot Shot for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. Good match here with Williams being shown off as an absolute ANIMAL. The Fantastics, who were a very good if not great tag team had nothing to stop him with and lost the titles because of him. Sullivan might as well have been a ham and bacon sandwich on the side here as it was so much a one man team out there. Nice opener and the fans seemed into it.

Tony and Magnum run down the rest of the card and we get their predictions.

Midnight Express vs. Midnight Express

No that’s not a typo. Over the years there have been a LOT of people in the Midnight Express but originally they were a tag team comprised of Randy Rose and Dennis Condrey. This evolved into a team of Condrey and Bobby Eaton. In one of the strangest stories in wrestling history, Condrey disappeared for a year. I don’t mean storyline disappeared. I mean no one from his boss to his friends to his wife knew where he was for 12 months. Then one day he popped up in the AWA and reformed the original Midnight Express with Rose. To this day he’s never explained what happened.

Anyway, Eaton had gotten a new partner, Stan Lane, and made the new Midnight Express. Rose and Condrey came to the NWA to jump the new Express during a squash. Their manager: Paul E. Dangerously (Heyman). The new team is managed by longtime manager Jim Cornette and amazingly are faces which is very rare for them. They jump the originals (remember: Rose and Condrey are the originals and Lane and Eaton are the new ones in case you get confused) and clear the ring to start us off. This should be awesome.

Cornette wants Dangerously and of course grabs the mic to say he wants him. Oh hey let’s introduce the teams. Both teams are billed from the Dark Side which is kind of awesome. The new guys clear the ring one more time just to get their point across. Cornette is WAY fired up here. He points at Heyman and dances like a chicken. The fans are eating this up to put it mildly.

Rose and Lane start us off. Rose goes to the floor and Cornette BLASTS him with the tennis racket. He’s absolutely stealing the show here. Teddy Long is the referee and has hair. We FINALLY get the regular stuff going and it’s all new guys. Cornette pops Rose with the racket one more time and the fans are eating it up. Heyman, in his pink shirt, is losing his mind.

Lane comes in and throws his kicks which were always awesome. The originals haven’t been on offense whatsoever here. Condrey gets in like four punches and then gets his head kicked some more. Rose gets in a bit of offense and so much for that. Even jobbers get better offense in than this. Caudle is having audio difficulties. The heels FINALLY take over on Eaton.

Dangerously sneaks in a shot and Cornette SPRINTS after him in a funny bit. We hit the chinlock and get a Bear Bryant reference of all things. Heel dominance ensues for awhile as this is pure 80s formula stuff. While that sounds bad, given the people in there, as in the teams that partially invented it, this is solid stuff. Rocket Launcher misses and Cornette is “tapping like a drunk man”. We hit fifteen minutes and Lane gets the hot tag to a nice pop.

Enziguri puts Condrey down but Heyman gets a shot with his phone. Cornette FINALLY gets his hands on Heyman and lands a decent punch on him. Condrey goes for the cover but Long sees the phone and won’t count it. Lane gets behind Rose and Eaton hits a clothesline (Ross shouts DOUBLE GOOZLE, which is a nickname for a chokeslam and makes no sense at all) to send Rose over Lane for the pin.

Rating: B. More solid tag stuff here with the fans loving all of it. This feud would continue until Condrey just left and Rose was fired also because no one cared about him without Condrey. This was a solid match as expected with classic 80s tag wrestling at its finest. Why would I have expected anything different? Fun stuff and a very good match.

Post match the originals beat up everyone, mainly Cornette. Eaton gets up and gets the racket for the save. Crowd was INSANE for this whole thing.

Magnum talks to the new US Champions and points out the obvious: Williams made the difference. The Club complains about Steiner for later.

Russian Assassins vs. Junkyard Dog/Ivan Koloff

Well you knew it couldn’t be good the whole time. Also notice the INSANE emphasis on tag wrestling with a total of four out of seven matches here being tag matches. The Assassins are just numbered 1 and 2 with 2 being ECW’s Jack Victory. If the non Russians win then Paul Jones, their manager, has to leave the NWA. Koloff is only famous for stopping Sammartino’s legendary world title reign that lasted over seven years.

No real way to tell the Assassins apart so I’m not going to really try to. Dog with a cradle gets zero to start. Ah ok that’s #1 in there. #2 appears to be fatter. That helps a little. Ah and the other stipulation is that the Russians have to unmask. Is there any benefit for them winning here? Koloff sends #2 in and grabs him by the throat to take him down in what could be called the chokeslam’s half uncle by marriage once removed I guess.

Clothesline from the middle rope puts #2 down. Ah apparently that was a Russian Sickle. How could I be so stupid? He curled his arm up slightly. The Dog comes in to cheers so loud you can barely understand the audio. For the life of me I’ve never gotten his appeal. The heels take over on JYD and one of them kicks him in his boneyard. Some double team move misses and both guys are down.

Ivan vs. #1 now. Jones is on the apron and the heels are slammed into each other. Big old brawl now that is boring. There’s the Sickle again which of course is a clothesline but one of the Assassins puts something in his mask and rams his head into Ivan’s for the pin.

Rating: D. Well at least it was short. Total nothing match here with nothing special about it. Other than the JYD’s hot tag there was nothing the crowd got into at all. With that many stipulations in there it was very unlikely for the faces to win which was expected too. This more or less went nowhere at all and had one good thing going for it: it’s the match on the show that didn’t break 10 minutes.

Jim and Bob talk about the show so far for any viewers that missed the first third of the show I suppose.

TV Title: Mike Rotunda vs. Rick Steiner

This is a big old grudge match. Sullivan is in the cage above the ring. Rotunda has held the title for about a year now and is considered to be unbeatable in 20 minutes, which is the max a TV Title match can go. Steiner was thrown out of the Varsity Club where he was more or less considered too stupid to mean anything. They treated him as their lackey for months until he went nuts and hit one of the best belly to belly suplexes ever to just kill Rotunda. He would bring in some dude named Scott to help him in this war. Pretty sure they never went anywhere.

They slug it out early on and Rotunda is out of his game there so he hits the floor. Steiner goes off with some basic wrestling moves and Rotunda has nothing. Long headlock sequence follows with Rick dominating. Rick has dedicated this match to his mother. I think we know what’s coming here. All Steiner so far as Rotunda runs and hides. He keeps pulling Rick’s hair to no avail. We go to the mat and once again Rick controls.

Rick bites his tights in a hammerlock just to be funny I guess. The next PPV is in February. What’s it called? Where is it? Who cares apparently. Rotunda FINALLY gets a suplex to….never mind he’s back on defense already. We’re over seven minutes into this and Rotunda has hit a total of a suplex, a headlock and a drop toehold. He hits the floor to stall and nothing of note is going on here.

The crowd thinks Syracuse (Rotunda’s school) sucks. Steiner goes for a big old clothesline but hits the floor at the ten minute mark. Rotunda gets a long chinlock and uses the ropes to cheat, drawing solid heat. Little things like those can go a long way. And we have no commentary now. After a brief Steiner comeback we hit that chinlock again. Sunset flip a few seconds later gets two.

We hit the fifteen minute mark meaning there are five to go, drawing loud boos. Rick starts the comeback with a Steinerline. Ah there’s Ross again. Steiner beats the heck out of Rotunda and here comes Steve Williams. Belly to belly connects but Williams rings the bell. Teddy Long thinks the time is up but here comes senior referee Tommy Young because Rotunda has done this to steal a win before.

The referees talk and Sullivan is let down. He argues with Young and Rotunda punches Steiner. Steiner shoves Rotunda into Sullivan and they bang heads. Steiner jumps on Rotunda and both referees count three to absolutely blow the roof off the place. This would be like Virgil beating DiBiase as Steiner FINALLY shuts up Rotunda and beats him at his own game after being told he was too stupid to do anything right. Steiner’s celebration is awesome beyond belief. Look it up as it’s incredible.

Rating: C-. Match was pretty meh but the ending is just straight up awesome. Steiner would lose the title back in February but this was the moment that EVERYONE wanted to see and they delivered perfectly on it as Steiner had him twice and actually got the pin on the second time. Just an awesome moment that is reminiscent of Foley winning the title. I loved this and it worked very well.

Tony and Magnum talk some more.

US Title: Barry Windham vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Windham is champion and a Horseman. Bigelow had left WWF shortly after Mania so he’s wildly popular here. Bigelow shoves him around to start and is just MAD over. He gets Windham in a Fireman’s Carry and drops to his knees for a modified gutbuster. This is back when Bigelow could still go very well and Windham was one of the best in the world so this is far better than it sounds.

We get into a power match and Bigelow starts no selling shots. BIG old gorilla press and Windham is rocked. The fans are really into Bigelow here, even at a rate that surprises me. He gets a dropkick that sends Windham to the floor, making JJ want a DQ. See that’s what a manager is supposed to do. He did something so simple like that but it got heat on both him and his man and at the same time didn’t take anything away from the match because Barry was still down. It also keeps the fans from being taken out of the match by giving them a little something to tide them over. It’s so simple yet so effective.

Windham makes a small comeback and thrown Bigelow to the floor, hurting the big man’s knee. We hit the ten minute mark and it’s a back and forth match. Bigelow hits the slingshot splash, one of his finishers, and lets Windham up. He goes up top and misses the splash completely. Windham takes his head off with a BIG old lariat and Bigelow is in trouble.

Very nice belly to back suplex takes Bigelow down again. Dillon wants the Claw (Windham’s finisher) and there it is. After that is broken by the ropes we get a slam by the champion at the 15 minute mark. Windham misses a top rope elbow and the fans are WAY into this. Bigelow makes his big overblown comeback with the big wild swings. Bigelow goes for a back drop over the top but his knee gives out and we’re both on the floor. Windham sends him into the post and it’s a countout.

Rating: B-. FAR better than I expected here with a white hot crowd. Bigelow could go back in the day and this was no exception. This was a solid match and the countout finish is probably the only thing holding it down. The match isn’t a classic or anything but it’s a lot of fun with Bigelow being over dramatic about everything (in a good way mind you) and Windham being himself. Solid and fun match.

Steiner talks about winning the TV Title and is very confused about a lot of things. He was still a comedy character at the time but a very lovable one. Magnum says a lot of people are going to be coming after Steiner for the title and Rick seems shocked by this idea. After almost freaking out over the concept that people will be coming after his title, Rick calms down instantly and says “eh I’ll beat them.” Much funnier than it sounds.

World Tag Titles: Sting/Dusty Rhodes vs. Road Warriors

BIG blood feud here. The Warriors turned heel and destroyed both of these guys recently (prompting Dusty to botch a blade job and nearly cut his head off, getting fired) before winning the tag titles for the first time ever in a glorified squash over the Midnight Express. The problem was they were so insanely popular and such tough guys that they were turned face again anyway, much like Orton recently.

It’s weird seeing no name graphics for these guys. Something you just get used to in the modern product I guess. Ok so the Road Warriors get them but not the challengers. Ok then. They’re called the Legion of Doom: the Road Warriors here, which is a common thing back in the 80s. Sting and Animal start us off. Dusty is allegedly a power guy. What power? The power of hunger? Sting goes after Animal’s arm and Dusty gets a nice pop when he comes in.

Ah the soon to be named Chi-Town Rumble has a date now. Rhodes’ fat is a sight to behold, although certainly not in a positive way. Hawk in now and he just beats Sting up to a solid pop, doing what we would call stomping a mudhole. It’s weird seeing Sting treated like a jobber like this. A gorilla press into a hot shot is no sold which is weird indeed but it sets up a HUGE dive from the top to the aisle onto Animal. That was SWEET.

Five minutes in now. Dusty of course, rather than going after the arm that Sting spent three minutes working on, goes for the knee because he’s a fat slob that WILL use his stupid figure four. Test of strength between Hawk and Dusty but Dusty suckers him in and of course, goes for the figure four. Hawk wants the eye that he almost put out of Dusty because he’s EVIL.

Dusty starts his fat man dancing stuff as I wonder what Dashing Cody Rhodes would think of his fatness. Dusty goes for a “dropkick” and does indeed drop when he tries it. Dusty plays Ricky Morton in a weird bit and we get a sleeper. Hot tag to Sting and house is rapidly cleaned. Scorpion on Animal but Hawk kicks him in the head. He sends Sting over the top and I can see the finish coming. Top rope cross body by Sting but Ellering pulls the referee out for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Pretty boring match here but the crowd helped it out a lot. These were four very popular guys and that aspect carried the match. Dusty was gone soon thereafter due to his initial booking of the main event and the blade job, sending him into polka dot world. This was a basic super team tag match that didn’t go anywhere but I’ve seen far worse ones.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger

If Flair gets disqualified he loses the title. Ok before I get into this match, here’s the original booking for this show. The idea was to have the Varsity Club jump Luger before the show and injure him. Luger would give his title shot to Rick Steiner of all people, because you know, wrestlers can decide title shots at the biggest show of the year. Steiner would proceed to beat Flair to win the world title IN FIVE MINUTES. Imagine say Eric Young beating AJ Styles in five minutes for the world title completely clean. This match goes over 30 minutes and is borderline classic, so it’s pretty clear that Flair, the new booker, got it right. His next idea was to sign this guy named Steamboat. I think you know the rest.

Luger is the insanely popular young gun and Flair is the evil veteran. You can’t beat that really. It didn’t hurt that other than Sting, Luger might have had the best chemistry with Flair in big matches. Luger has dropped a few pounds for speed and endurance. We get a WOO to start and Flair plays mind games. Flair starts the chops and Luger just drills him with a clothesline to send him to the floor.

Lou Thesz is here. In a surprising spot, Luger gets knocked down by a shoulder block. Gorilla press sends Flair to the floor and another one has Flair in trouble. Luger works on the back which makes sense here as his finisher is a backbreaker. Five minutes in and Luger controls firmly. Luger works on the arm and is apparently hard as a rock at this point for some reason. Chop is no sold and Flair runs.

Flair Flop as Luger has shifted to the arm. He’s working on it for awhile at least though so I can’t complain as much. Flair taps but it doesn’t mean anything for about another 5 or 6 years. The eternally awesome thumb to the eye takes Luger down though and Flair goes into his routine. The chops just tick Luger off though and Luger chases him to the floor where he works on the arm by wrapping it around the railing.

Ten minute mark now. Delayed vertical suplex and Flair is rocked. Luger’s big elbow misses though as it tended to do every single time. We hit the floor with Flair in control for a change. Flair and Young (referee) get into it in the ring which was always a semi-feud which was rather cool. Fifteen minutes in and Flair is finally waking up a bit. Big knee drop “hits” Luger. That move was one of the moves that clearly missed more often than ever before.

The chops tick Luger off once again and here we go again. Flair keeps chopping like an idiot and gets caught in a sleeper to a ROAR. Flair escapes with a belly to back and goes up top. Rather than your typical slam off there he gets a suplex instead for two. And now Luger puts Flair in the figure four just to mess with his mind even though he’s worked on Flair arm and back the whole time so this is really just to be a jerk. We hit 20 minutes.

Luger accidentally hits Young and Flair fires him over the top which should give Luger the title. Luger comes back with a cross body of all things off the top for two because JJ had the referee. Ten punches in the corner and Luger takes over. Another suplex and Luger calls for the Rack. More softening up first and NOW we set for the Rack. JJ distracts the referee though and Flair gets a chair shot into the knee of Luger.

Flair goes for the knee and we get to see some of Luger’s awesome selling. This is the part where both guys are basically awesome. Twenty five minutes in now. Figure Four goes on (the wrong leg of course as was Flair’s trademark) and Luger begins his best orgasm impression. The fans get way behind Luger which is saying a lot as we’re in Flair country here. Luger Hulks Up and shows off his arms which are supposed to scare Flair I guess.

Reversal and the hold is broken. More knee work and Flair goes up again. There’s the slam and Flair is rocked again. It’s Superman comeback time and here comes Luger. Sunset flip gets two. Luger’s selling of the knee is awesome here. We hit the thirty minute mark and a clothesline gets two for the challenger. Crisp powerslam hits and Luger calls for the Rack. There is finally is but Luger’s knee buckles underneath him and Flair falls on top, throwing his feet on the rope for the pin.

Rating: A. This was a GREAT match with both guys controlling for long periods of time. These two were always good for a very solid match and this was no exception. Flair was great here as the heel that simply would not lose while Luger played the Superman role perfectly. The knee being the deciding factor in the end was a very nice touch as no matter how hard he tried Luger just couldn’t get to the finish line. Excellent match with a very good story being told and well worthy of a major show’s main event.

The announcers all talk about the match and how awesome Flair is. They talk about how great Luger is and how great he could wind up being and he’s right. We can hear the announcer talking about a Bunkhouse Stampede Battle Royal which was a dark match won by Junkyard Dog.

Magnum is with Flair. I wonder if he’s thinking that belt should be mine. Flair goes on a long rant about how awesome he is but is drowned out by the announcement for the battle royal. That was Luger’s LAST shot of course.

Tony talks about how great the NWA is as we fill in time. Literally he says stuff and then Ross and Caudle just say how great the company is. A highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Rather good show here with everything working rather well. There’s only about one bad match on the whole show and it’s like 7 minutes long. The main event is well worth seeing and the crowd is a traditional white hot NWA 80s crowd. This is completely different from the stuff you would be seeing in WWF at the time and really does work as an alternative to it. I had a good time with this show, but unfortunately it’s the last good Starrcade in the traditional sense for a LONG time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Lockdown 2013
Date: March 10, 2013
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second of four pay per views of the year for TNA and arguably their second biggest show of the year period. The main events tonight are Jeff Hardy defending the world title against Bully Ray inside a cage along with Lethal Lockdown pitting Team TNA against Aces and 8’s. The main question is will we find out who is really behind the bikers tonight as we’ve been waiting for nine months now. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the history between Hardy and Ray and how many matches they’ve had against each other, with none being bigger than tonight. We also hear about Angle vs. Brisco and D’Lo Brown being revealed as the VP of Aces and 8’s.

X-Division Title: Kenny King vs. Christian York vs. Zema Ion

King is defending. York knocks the champion down to start before clotheslining Ion down as well. King goes to the floor to let the other guys fight, only to have York dive out onto him, ramming King into the barricade. Ion loads up a dive of his own but runs into a boot from York. King tries to use Ion’s body as a springboard but slips off and rams his head into the guardrail in a SCARY looking landing. Ion dives on both York and King anyway before heading back inside with York.

Thankfully King is still alive and comes back in to break up a York cover before pounding away on Christian in the corner. Ion is down on the floor as York chops away at King, only to be poked in the eye. Zema comes back in with a quick rana off the top rope for two on York. A moonsault gets the same result and Ion is frustrated.

York hits a quick legdrop on King for two but Ion baseball slides King to the floor. A slingshot into a DDT gets two on York for Ion as King gets back in. Ion is sent out to the entrance ramp where King drops a leg to keep him down. York pulls Ion back inside for two and all three men are back inside. King loads up a top rope fallaway slam on Ion, only to have York add a powerbomb to make it a Tower of Doom. Christian gets control by hammering away on all three guys, including a suplex on King for no cover.

The Mood Swing neckbreaker gets two on Ion for York and a Capo Kick sends King into the corner. In an interesting combo, York DDTs King as Ion neckbreakers York, with Zema getting two on both guys. York hits a top rope double stomp to Ion’s back and a corner roll at King. Kenny comes back with a kick to Ion’s head but York rolls through the Royal Flush for two. Not that it matters as another attempt at the Flush ends York to retain the title at 11:10.

Rating: C. This was good, but at the same time it came off much more like a collection of spots rather than a coherent match. I’m not wild on matches like that, especially when there are that many botches. The one with King at the beginning was scary with him slipping down and nearly breaking his neck in the process. That’s scary stuff.

Joseph Park talks about being ribbed by the fans when Bad Influence comes in, saying Dixie Carter wants to talk to him in catering. Park leaves so Daniels and Kaz say they’re here to win the titles, insisting that they’re not jokes.

Joseph Park vs. Joey Ryan

Before the match, Ryan makes fat jokes about Park and calls him a mark. Ryan says he himself has the size advantage where it matters though. Park says San Antonio rocks and talks about singing karaoke on the River Walk (San Antonio tourist attraction). Ryan runs at him to start but gets caught in an armdrag followed by some chops in the corner. Joey comes back with a middle rope cross body but literally bounces off Park’s chest.

Ryan finally takes Park down and pounds away as the fans are all behind Park here. The match slows down a lot as Ryan slowly pounds away until he hits a missile dropkick for no cover. Park comes back by ripping Joey’s chest hair out and pulling Ryan’s trunks up very hard. A corner splash sets up a middle rope splash but Joey rolls away. Joey tries a sunset flip out of the corner but Park sits on his chest for the pin at 6:05.

Rating: D. This was your standard comedy match minus the comedy. Ryan hasn’t been on TV for months now and it’s pretty easy to see why here. There’s nothing to him at all and he’s very boring in the ring. His character is fine on paper but there’s nothing in the ring to back it up.

We see Jeff Hardy arriving earlier.

Bully and Brooke are in the back and Bully is nervous about the main event. Hulk comes in and Brooke leaves. Hogan says tonight the company could launch to the next level and while Jeff has been good for the time being, Ray could be the launch point to the next level. As for Brooke, Hulk is so glad Bully has made her happy again and he can’t thank Bully enough. Hulk says he wants Ray to win tonight and Ray says he will. Ray promises people will make them remember him tonight.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is defending. Feeling out process to start until the champion hooks a flying headscissors to put Gail down. A neckbreaker gets two for Velvet and she sends Gail to the floor. Back inside Kim gets a quick rollup for two and there’s a running shoulder to the champion’s ribs. Gail gets her in a fireman’s carry and slams her down for two before arguing with referee Terryn Terell. An attempt at a headscissors out of the corner is easily countered by Velvet into a mat slam for no cover.

Some clotheslines and elbows put Kim down again as does a bulldog. A reverse DDT gets two for Velvet and Gail is staggered. As she gets up she grabs Terell, allowing Gail to hit Eat Defeat for two. Gail shoves Terryn in the corner before slapping her, begging to be disqualified. Instead Terryn spears Gail down and beats her up, allowing Velvet to hit In Yo Face for the pin at 7:38.

Rating: D. I do not like women’s wrestling. Terrell looks GREAT in the little black shorts and that’s all I’ve got here. Oh and Gail Kim is perhaps the least interesting human being on the face of this planet. Therefore, let’s make sure to push her to the freaking moon and back for years on end.

Robbie E complains about Robbie T holding him down for two years. Tonight, Robbie is going to make his former bro his ho.

We recap Robbie E vs. Robbie T, which comes down to Robbie T getting tired of Robbie E abusing him, making tonight about revenge.

Robbie E vs. Robbie T

Robbie E wants a timeout to start and there’s a hug attempt. Robbie T doesn’t seem interested and shoves E down with ease. E does some stretches in the corner before trying a headlock. That goes very badly for E and a one handed top wristlock puts E down. A single leg takedown doesn’t work at all so T launches him up into the air. T grabs him by the throat but E slaps his way out of it. E grabs a fast armbar before hooking a sleeper. T finally breaks the hold and catches E’s cross body with ease. A fireman’s carry into a spinebuster ends E at 5:50.

Rating: D+. This was what it was supposed to be but it doesn’t make for a good match. T has never been great but instead of being a comedy guy, he should be allowed to be a monster as he always should have been. Also thankfully this time there’s no Orlando Jordan for a stupid feud to derail any momentum he gets going.

Aries says he’s ready to go tonight without Bobby Roode…but here’s Bobby Roode so they’ll be ok tonight.

Tag Titles: Bad Influence vs. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries

Roode and Aries are defending. It’s Chavo vs. Daniels to start things off with Daniels running him over early on. A backdrop puts Daniels down and everything breaks down, resulting in Hernandez and Chavo clearing the ring. Hernandez is in legally now against Daniels and there’s an overhead belly to belly to put Daniels down. Off to Chavo for a seated dropkick to Daniels before Kaz comes in to get beaten down as well.

Back to Hernandez who gets two off a splash on Kaz. A Daniels distraction allows Kazarian to hit a missile dropkick to take Hernandez down and Bad Influences double teams the big man (Hernandez) for a bit. Aries breaks up a pin attempt before Hernandez counters a double suplex into one of his own, putting down both members of Bad Influence. Off to Chavo again for Three Amigos on all four opponents in a cool visual.

Things settle down again with Daniels pounding away on Chavo. Kazarian comes in to take over but Roode tags himself in, bringing in the champions for the first time. Roode and Aries double team Chavo down with a double suplex, drawing in Bad Influence for the save. Roode fires away some shoulders into the ribs of Chavo before Aries hits a dropkick to the back for two.

Roode launches Chavo into the corner via a catapult but Chavo punches Aries in the air in a nice counter. A double clothesline puts Roode and Chavo down, but Chavo can’t make the hot tag to SuperMex. Chavo and Hernandez are sent to the floor, causing a fourway brawl between the other guys in the match. We wind up with Aries and Kaz who both try cross bodies to put them both down. Chavo hits a top rope cross body on both guys, followed by a double clothesline from Hernandez. Aries is LAUNCHED into the air and down to the mat with a thud before another double clothesline takes down Aries and Kaz.

Hernandez hits a double backbreaker on Aries and Kaz, getting a double countout on Austin. A big shoulder block puts Aries down but Daniels hits an STO on Hernandez to take him down. Roode hits the release Rock Bottom on Daniels but Kaz takes him down with a slingshot DDT. Fade to Black is escaped though and there’s the spinebuster from Roode to Kaz.

Daniels and Roode slug it out but Hernandez takes both guys down with a dive from the ramp to the ring. Daniels is caught in an Alpha Bomb from Hernandez but Kaz breaks up Chavo’s frog splash. Aries shoves Kaz off the top and ranas himself and SuperMex to the floor. Daniels tries a superplex on Chavo but gets shoved down, allowing for a top rope splash, but Roode tagged himself in and steals the pin to retain at 17:22.

Rating: B. As usual these matches have no build to them but they wind up being the most entertaining matches on the card. TNA has gotten really good at this formula and Bad Influence is especially awesome at them. The match was the usual entertaining stuff here but I’d like a story and some fresh blood soon.

We look at the Knockouts Title match again with Terrell getting involved.

Terrell is in the back and says she made a judgment call when Gail jumps her and a brawl breaks out.

The cage is being set up.

Slammiversary is in Boston.

D’Lo Brown says Doc is starting Lethal Lockdown.

Angle says he’s beating up Brisco tonight.

We recap Angle vs. Brisco. Wes Brisco was mentored by Angle but now wants to prove that the Brisco Family is better than Kurt Angle. Brisco is also in Aces and 8’s.

Kurt Angle vs. Wes Brisco

You can win by pin, submission or escape. Kurt suplexes him down to start before Wes comes back with shoulders in the corner. Wes tries to escape but gets suplexed out of the corner with ease. Angle pounds away but misses a charge in the corner, ramming his head into the cage. Wes pounds away and puts on a chinlock before Angle fires off some elbows to the ribs to escape. That gets him nowhere though as Wes flapjacks him down for two.

Brisco charges into a boot in the corner and there’s a missile dropkick from Angle for two. Angle starts firing off clotheslines and suplexes before slamming Wes into the cage. Now it’s time for Rolling Germans with Angle not letting go no matter what. Angle goes up but a top rope splash misses, allowing Wes to take over with right hands.

The Angle Slam out of nowhere puts Wes down but Brisco starts crawling for the door. Angle pulls him back in with the ankle lock but Wes rolls him through into the cage. Brisco tries to climb out but Angle catches him on the top. They slug it out on the top rope with Angle slamming Wes’ head into the cage over and over again. Angle busts out a German off the top rope to put both guys down again.

Wes escapes the Angle Slam and Kurt accidentally clotheslines the referee. There’s the ankle lock with a grapevine to make Wes tap but there’s no referee. Angle hits another Angle Slam and flips Brisco off before escaping the cage. There’s still no referee though but D’Lo Brown runs out and rams Kurt into the cage and throws him back in. Wes escapes the cage and wins at 11:58.

Rating: C+. In less than twelve minutes, Brisco showed me more than Garrett Bischoff has in the last year and a half. The match itself was good because that’s what Angle does, but the ending was pretty easy to guess, especially given the stuff that happened on Thursday. Again though, it’s still D’Lo Brown which brings things down for me.

We recap the entire history of Aces and 8’s which is a very long story to say the least. Basically they’re at war against Sting and Hogan for no apparent reason and after nine months, we’re going into Lethal Lockdown with TNA vs. Aces and 8’s.

Lethal Lockdown

TNA: Sting, Magnus, Samoa Joe, Eric Young, James Storm

Aces and 8’s: Mr. Anderson, D-Von, Doc, Mike Knux, Garrett Bischoff

This has some interesting rules. Two men (Anderson and Magnus) start things off and fight for three minutes. After those three minutes, Aces and 8’s (they won a series of matches on Thursday) get a man advantage for two minutes. Then TNA sends in its second man to even it up for two minutes. Aces and 8’s then get another advantage for two more minutes. They alternate until everyone is in and then it’s one fall to a finish.

Magnus pounds Anderson down in the corner to start before hitting a clothesline. Anderson sends him into the cage though to take over as we have less than a minute before someone else comes in. Off to a chinlock by Anderson to kill the time until Knux makes it 2-1. Also remember that the match can’t end until all ten men are in the match. A sidewalk slam and legdrop floor Magnus as this is one sided so far.

Samoa Joe is in to tie things up and TNA takes over for a bit. The former tag champions continue to work well together by taking the bikers apart. Anderson and Knux are beaten down until Garrett Bischoff comes in to make it 3-2. The fans tell Garrett that he can’t wrestle as Magnus and Joe beat him up as well. Anderson and Knux finally get up and save their partner as Eric Young is in to make it 3-3. Oh wait he has to strip first.

As is the case with every other period, the team with the latest man in takes over. D-Von is in to make it 4-3 Aces and 8’s and the numbers game takes over for the bikers again. Joe fights back with some palm shots to Anderson in the corner but D-Von knocks him down again to take over. The fans want Sting but they get James Storm instead. Storm cleans house with Closing Times and Last Calls but they don’t mean much at this point.

House continues to be cleaned until Doc is in to round out Aces and 8’s. Doc takes over for Team TNA with his power stuff and the match slows down a lot. Here’s Sting with two garbage cans full of weapons to finalize things, meaning it’s now one fall to a finish. Team TNA takes over with a bunch of weapon shots as I guess there’s no roof this year for a change. It’s all Team TNA at this point as the match slows down a bit. Garrett Bischoff gets worn out by Joe via a trashcan.

Sting holds Anderson for Young but Young almost hits Sting by mistake. The break lets the bikers take over with Doc chokeslamming Young. Magnus and Storm come back to take over, sending Garrett running to the top of the cage. They chase after him, resulting in I think Doc and Knux making the save. Joe powerbombs ALL FIVE GUYS down in a big Tower of Doom before putting Anderson in an STF but Doc makes the save. TNA takes over again with Sting hitting the Death Drop on Knox, but he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends Young to the top of the cage for an elbow drop for the pin at 26:27.

Rating: B. The problem of the ring being too small to hold ten guys still exists, but as someone with a bad fear of heights I’m very glad to see them not have the roof on the cage. It’s a risk they just don’t need to take and the Tower of Doom spot was more than able to make up for it. Very solid match here but Aces and 8’s continue to fall further into the abyss.

The announcers bicker a bit.

Jeff Hardy is a 51-49% favorite to win the main event via a fan poll.

We recap the main event, which is based on the history these two have and Ray wanting to finally win the big one on his own.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Bully Ray

In the cage of course with Hardy defending. Tenay says Ray has a 50+ pound weigh advantage about a minute after Ray is announced at 275 to Hardy’s 227. Feeling out process to start with Ray running Hardy over with a hard shoulder. A quick slam gets two for Ray and the champion bails to the corner. Hardy fights back with the Whisper in the Wind for two but can’t escape as Ray rams Hardy’s leg into the cage.

Ray starts a slow and methodical offense by working over the champion’s ribs and back. A big backdrop gets two for Ray but Jeff gets in a shot to earn himself a breather. The Twist and the Bubba Bomb are both countered but the second attempt at the Twist of Fate connects. Cue Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff into the cage but Jeff and Bully run them over. Bully lets himself be a springboard for Poetry in Motion before throwing both bikers out.

They slug it out in the middle of the ring with Jeff actually taking over. A flying forearm takes Bully down and there’s a low dropkick for two. Hardy tries to climb out but Ray makes the save and they slug it out on the top rope. Hardy kicks Ray in the head but falls to the mat, allowing Ray to fall off the top onto Jeff for a VERY close two. The Twist staggers Bully but as Jeff goes up, Ray hits a HUGE sitout powerbomb out of the corner to put both guys down.

Ray covers for two and the fans are split. Cue the Hogans to watch the main event from ringside to cheer on Bully. Ray gets to his feet very slowly but here are Aces and 8’s. Ray stands up and has a chain as the bikers come in. To the shock of not many people, Ray is thrown a hammer by D-Von and clubs down Jeff to win the title, revealing himself as the leader at 17:20.

Rating: B-. That powerbomb alone was worth the whole match. The ending isn’t really all that surprising but at least Aces and 8’s have FINALLY done something of note. Bully Ray as world champion of a major company in 2013 is a huge gamble to say the least, but it appears that we’re heading to Hogan vs. Ray down the line. To call that a gamble is an even shorter stretch but it’s what we appear to be getting.

Ray demands that his hand be raised post match as the Hogans are all sad. He yells at Brooke and calls her nothing while telling Hulk that he’s a worthless old man. Ray says he used the Hogans and trash is thrown into the ring. He admits that he’s the President of the Aces and 8’s and that he’s world champion. The Dudleys embrace end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The problem for this show is that out of eight matches, four of them were as worthless as you can get. The first hour or so of this show did nothing at all and I was bored out of my mind for a lot of it. The good thing is that the other four matches were all quite good and the ending was a nice surprise, especially given that I didn’t know what to expect for the most part. Good show here for the most part, but the lower card is a death trap right now.

Results

Kenny King b. Zema Ion and Christian York – Royal Flush to York

Joseph Park b. Joey Ryan – Seated Senton

Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim – In Yo Face

Robbie T b. Robbie E – Spinebuster

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode b. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez and Bad Influence – Roode pinned Daniels after a splash from Guerero

Wes Brisco b. Kurt Angle – Brisco escaped the cage

Team TNA b. Aces and 8’s – Elbow drop off the top of the cage to Knux

Bully Ray b. Jeff Hardy – Pin after hitting Hardy with a hammer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

We close out the series with this.  Click on the link for the review of the show the match is on if applicable.  Also remember: favorite does NOT equal best.

Honorable Mention: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels (Wrestlemania 25).  Any match that hadm e on the edge of my seat like this one did has to be on this list.

Honorable Mention: Doomsday Cage (Uncensored 1996). This is the kind of match that is so bad it’s hilarious.  It looks cool, but if you think about it for more than 8 seconds, the match goes out the window into the land of WOW THIS IS STUPID.  That can be endlessly entertaining and this one is.  Check it out, and read my review at the same time to see how many head scratchers you can find in it.

Honorable Mention: TLC II (Wrestlemania X7). Take six guys, have them beat the tar out of each other for fifteen minutes, throw in Lita taking her top off.  What more do you need to know here?

Honorable Mention: Cactus Jack vs. HHH (Royal Rumble 2000).  This is one of those matches where you didn’t know who was going to win until the very end because HHH was in so far over his head.  Everything was on Cactus’ side and the match is one of the bloodiest affairs you’ll ever see in wrestling.  this is the match that made HHH into a killer and he stayed there for years.

5. AJ Styles vs. Abyss (Lockdown 2005). I love the David vs. Goliath story and this is a great example of that idea.  The opening segment of this match with the two of them outside of the cage is as entertaining a two or three minute stretch as TNA has ever produced, bar none.  AJ is all over the place, sliding and diving and jumping to try to slow the monster down but Abyss stops him every time.  AJ finally goes straight up Superman and dives over about four rows to take Abyss down.  I get into this every time and it’s a brawl all the way through.

4. Hart Foundation vs. Demolition (Summerslam 1990). A friend of mine from WrestleZone has called this the best tag team match ever and I’m not sure he’s that far off.  This is insanely entertaining as Demolition has held the belts for months now and the Harts have about as much of a chance as I do at winning Miss Nevada 1982.  The champions cheat like there’s no tomorrow with switches and beating up the referee and whatever else they can pull off.  LOD comes out to even things up and stop the cheating and the Harts use the one opening they have to steal the titles.  It’s great and if you watch it you’ll get into it too.

3. Sting vs. Cactus Jack (Beach Blast 1992). Two of my three favorite wrestlers in a match that Foley said was his best ever for a long time.  I think you can figure this one out.

2. Shawn Michaels vs. Shelton Benjamin (Monday Night Raw – 5/2/2005). For years and years I had this as my favorite match and it’s still very hard to dop.  The idea of Shawn fighting himself from ten years ago is brilliant and the match is so incredibly crisp.  On top of that the ending is one of the best looking knockouts you’ll ever see anywhere.  From a personal standpoint, this was a turning point for me as a fan as for the first time ever I could see a story being told in a match and got way into that aspect of it instead of cheering for my favorites.

1. Sting vs. Vader (Starrcade 1992). This was always one of my favorites but the more I thought about it the more I realized how much I love it.  If I’m ever in the mood to watch something fun, this is what I throw on.  It’s the David vs. Goliath formula again….if David was 6’3 and 240lbs.  The idea here is simple: Vader DESTROYED Sting to win the world title in July but this is about revenge and some stupid tournament.  Sting had always been able to charge head first into whomever he was facing before this and beat them through pure talent, but when he tried to charge at Vader he got his block knocked off.  Instead he needs to use his brain, but since Sting is kind of stupid he tries rope a dope instead.  Sting lets Vader pound him down until Vader has nothing left and then Sting goes in for the kill.  The visuals of Sting getting beaten down more and more before FINALLY making his superhuman comeback are awesome if you can get behind an underdog, which is what Sting was coming into this.  Check this one out for sure.

I was going to do promos for one of these but this is a lot more in depth, meaning I can have a lot more fun with it.  This will be a mixture of short and long term feuds, as in a feud that has a clear beginning and end along with feuds that went on for years with breaks in between.

Honorable Mention: Trish Stratus vs. Lita. This might be a weird one given my borderline hatred of women’s wrestling, but with these two it worked incredibly well.  There was a natural rivalry between the two of them with Trish being the well groomed and gorgeous blonde model while Lita was the streetwise fighter who flew all over the place and was covered in tattoos.  It’s a natural dichotomy which works incredibly well.

Honorable Mention: The Rock vs. Mick Foley. Speaking of natural dichotomies, here’s another great one for you.  You have Rock as a natural athlete and a blue chipper who has dominated every athletic field he’s ever touched, and on the other hand you have a guy who looks like he escaped from a mental hospital.  The difference though is Foley has the heart and drive to never give up no matter what is thrown at him and Rocky can’t handle having this kind of resistance.  It made for some amazing promos and even better matches between two of the best ever who cleared respected each other very deeply.

5. Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon. It’s the mother of all feuds and the cornerstone of the Attitude Era.  Vince went so far as to terrorize his own family while gaining the help of a demon lord in order to get the title off of Steve Austin.  If that doesn’t sum up how awesome this feud was, I don’t know what does.

4. CM Punk vs. John Cena. If there is a pairing with flat out better matches and chemistry together, I can’t think of them.  When you can actually rival the quality of Steve Austin vs. the Rock with how awesome your matches are, it’s hard to not put them on this list.  It’s pretty easily the best rivalry of the modern era with absolutely no bad matches between the two of them.

3. Steve Austin vs. The Rock. As great as Cena vs. Punk is, this one is just slightly better.  The chemistry these two had was off the charts and when they were together, you could feel the electricity.  It could be anything from singing Jimmy Buffet songs to throwing title belts into a river to having one of the best main events in Wrestlemania history in front of 67,000 people at the best show of all time to just running into each other backstage at Wrestlemania 27, but these two just feel amazing when they’re together and the chemistry was unbelievable.

2. Hulk Hogan vs. Bobby Heenan. Now we’re getting into more personal favorites than pure quality.  Heenan rarely got in the ring himself, but he was constantly throwing his latest protege at Hogan.  Be it Big John Studd, King Kong Bundy, Paul Orndorff or Andre the Giant, this feud DOMINATED the 1980s and produced some of the most entertaining television you’ll ever see.  When you can top the list of Hulk Hogan’s biggest rivals, it’s clear you’re doing something right.

1. Sting vs. Vader. If there has ever been a better story of a warrior fighting the evil dragon, I don’t know what it is.  These two were as much of a layup for a great match as you could get in WCW, and yes that includes Flair vs. Sting.  The key aspect to this feud that made it great was that Sting would regularly lose to Vader.  Every time they fought there was always a chance that Vader could destroy Sting and on more than one occasion he did.  The fans were WAY into these matches too and the feud continued on and off for over three years.  It’s excellent stuff and I can’t recommend their 1992 Starrcade match enough.

We’ll wrap this up with my favorite matches either tonight or tomorrow.

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 7, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

It’s the final show in the Impact Zone before we start full time on the road next week. It’s also the final show before Lockdown and Lethal Lockdown between Team TNA and Aces and 8’s. Last week Angle unmasked the VP and was shocked at who he saw, but was beaten down before he could say who it was. Odds are we’ll have to wait until Sunday to find out who it was. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory graphic for Paul Bearer. That’s classy.

After the intro recapping the events of last week, Angle walks into the building and says that tonight he’s going to tell everyone who was under the mask.

Here’s Aries to open the show. He talks about beating Hernandez last week without Bobby Roode’s help, proving that being Supermex isn’t as good as being the greatest man that ever lived. Then he found Bully Ray and Hardy to give them some words of confidence for their match at Lockdown. They didn’t appreciate it though, so right now Aries is calling out Hardy for a match.

Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

Ask and receive I guess. Aries jumps Hardy during the entrance and we’re off fast. A knee drop gets two on the champion as this is non-title I believe. Aries hits a slingshot double ax to the back of Hardy’s head for two but Jeff makes his comeback with right hands in the corner of his own. He tries something out of another corner, only to be thrown out to the floor.

Back with Aries in control and walking around a lot. Hardy grabs a quick small package for two but Aries comes back with a dropkick for two of his own. Jeff misses a charge in the corner before Aries goes up and dances ala Hardy. A middle rope splash gets two and Aries is ticked off. Hardy comes back with a rollup for two and the spinning mule kick for two.

The jawbreaker sets up a splash in the corner by the world champion, followed by a middle rope splash of his own for two. The Twist is countered but Hardy sends Aries to the floor. A clothesline off the apron puts Aries down one more time. Back in and a pair of Twists of Fate puts Aries on the mat but here’s Matt Morgan of all people with the Carbon Footprint to Hardy for the DQ at 12:25.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here until the semi-confusing ending. Unless it’s Morgan as the VP and Ray as the leader this doesn’t make a ton of sense, but it’s the start of something new so maybe they’re setting up for something after Lockdown. Good match here, although not as good as their other matches.

Post match Morgan loads up another kick but Bully Ray comes out to stop it.

Sting gives his team a pep talk.

We look at Angle getting beaten down last week again.

Morgan doesn’t like Hardy or Ray.

We recap Angle’s history with Aces and 8’s.

Instead of Angle, here’s Wes Brisco to the ring instead. Brisco talks about wanting to be Kurt Angle until he got to meet Angle, which is when he realized how worthless Kurt is. The medal around Angle’s neck is so worthless that the Olympics got rid of the sport. He’s going to prove that a Brisco is better than an Angle on Sunday. Cue Kurt who says he remembers Brisco coming to ask him question after question like someone who respected him. Tonight Angle is going to reveal who the VP is, but first he’s going to beat Brisco up early.

Security breaks it up and D’Lo Brown is in Aces and 8’s. He picks up the VP’s mask and apparently it was him under the mask last week. Brown says he’s here to reclaim some club property because he’s the VP. Seriously, I didn’t make that up.

Sting vs. D-Von

This is match #1 in a three match series with the winner getting the advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Sting jumps D-Von to start but gets clotheslined down for two. D-Von hooks a neck crank and pounds away in the corner for a bit. The top rope headbutt misses though and the fight heads to the floor. Some fan throws something in Sting’s face which looks to be red paint of some kind, allowing D-Von to hit a big boot back in the ring for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D. I’m still trying to get over the D’Lo thing. This was another worthless match that doesn’t prove anything because the team is led by D’Lo freaking Brown. What in the world is the point of this team anymore? It’s like the bottom of the barrel of wrestling getting together to form a stable, but we’re supposed to take them seriously.

Velvet is doing an interview when Gail Kim comes up to annoy her. Kim gets slapped.

The Gut Check judges talk about the match last week. Danny Davis of OVW fame is the newest judge.

Lei’d Tapa is getting the chance for a contract later tonight and Ivelisse is eliminated.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero/Velvet Sky vs. Bad Influence/Gail Kim

Hernandez and Kaz start things off with the big man throwing Kaz around with ease. Off to Chavo vs. Daniels as the good guys maintain control. Back to SuperMex with a bearhug on Kaz before Daniels tries to cheat. Hernandez will have none of that though and gets Chavo to help with some double teaming. A headscissors puts Daniels down and he begs off. Gail low bridges Chavo and Daniels gets to take over.

Velvet trips Daniels up right back and Chavo gets control again. Kaz hits Chavo in the back before coming in legally for a neckbreaker, getting two. The slingshot elbow drop gets two more on Chavo and it’s off to a chinlock. Now Daniels comes in for a chinlock of his own but Chavo fights up and brings in Velvet. Not the monster Hernandez, but the girl. Good to know.

She spears Gail down as Hernandez runs over Daniels. A missile dropkick puts SuperMex down but Daniels misses a dive onto the floor, hitting his partner in the process. Hernandez does his big dive to take out Bad Influence, but Gail hits Eat Defeat on Sky for the pin at 7:26.

Rating: D+. Gail Kim continues to be as uninteresting as you can possibly be while still being alive. There’s nothing to her and her finisher continues to be stupid. This match was just going through the motions but at least they set up something for Sunday. Always nice to see two feuds combined like this.

Brown says he can trust Aces and 8’s but asks Sting if he can trust the guys he’ll be locked in the cage with.

Sting yells at his teammates for Sunday and apparently Magnus and Joe are the other two people in the best of three series tonight.

We go back to Georgia to find AJ Styles again. He throws one of his friends back into their car and shoves the camera away. Nothing is said.

Doc/Garrett Bischoff vs. Magnus/Samoa Joe

Joe and Garrett start things off with Garrett being pounded down like a guy with nowhere near the skill to be in this spot. Off to Magnus but he stops to argue with Joe first. Garrett distracts Magnus, allowing Doc to take over. Off to Garrett again as the fans tell him that he can’t wrestle. Doc comes in and pounds away as we hear about AJ coming to Chicago next week.

A double clothesline puts both guys down and it’s off to Joe for a suplex and atomic drop. Magnus kicks Doc down and Joe drops a senton backsplash for two. Another clothesline puts Garrett down and it’s off to Joe legally. The former champions catch Doc with the snapmare into the top rope elbow from Magnus for the pin at 4:52.

Kenny King says he’ll keep the title.

Eric Young says he should get the last spot in the match over Storm. He promises to not be a joke, but for once Sting is smart and picks the former world champion.

It’s time for Gut Check for Lei’d Tapa. The fans go INSANE shouting no at her as soon as she comes out. Tapa yells back at the fans and talks about how she could be great in another two years. Danny Davis says no, Bruce Prichard gives a nice speech about Paul Bearer being gone before saying no, and so Tapa gets to cut a quick promo saying she should get a shot. Al Snow is the last judge and after saying he’ll miss Uncle Paul, he votes yes because Tapa gets a reaction from the crowd.

Robbie E is ready for Robbie T this Sunday.

James Storm vs. Mr. Anderson

The winner gets the advantage in Lethal Lockdown for his team. A quick hiptoss puts Anderson down but he comes back with a clothesline. Anderson gets two off a whip into the corner before pounding away at James’ ribs. Off to an armbar now by Anderson as the announcers debate the BFG Series from last year.

Storm fights out with an atomic drop and a bulldog followed by an enziguri out of the corner. A running neckbreaker puts Anderson down and after escaping a neckbreaker, Storm hits Closing Time. Here are Aces and 8’s in full force but here’s Team TNA to counter them. Not that it matters though as Anderson grabs the Mic Check for the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D. Another short and pretty worthless match here. At least Aces and 8’s have SOMETHING going for them before Sunday now, but it’s not like it makes them any more intimidating. When they came out as a group at the end, it made me realize how completely lame they are all over again. Bad match here.

We run down the Lockdown card.

Here are Bully and Brooke to confront Jeff Hardy before Sunday. Jeff comes to the ring and Ray talks about how he’s coming for the title in three days at the biggest TNA show ever. He’s proud of Jeff for everything he’s done. Jeff says he’s been beaten down since he won the title but he’s still champion. He knows Ray is going to beat him up on Sunday, but is that going to be enough? Jeff is proud of Ray as well and Ray talks about he’s expected greatness his entire career. Ray isn’t going to escape on Sunday but he’s going to pin Hardy for the title.

This brings out Hulk Hogan on crutches. He talks about how everyone in the back wants to be where Hardy and Ray are before saying this company is about to go on to greatness. We need a leader to get to the future and Hogan is going to be at Lockdown to see who leads us into the future. He says may the best man win…..and here come Aces and 8’s. It’s a big brawl to end the show as Team TNA runs out for the save.

Overall Rating: D. This show actually made me angry. From the STUPID D’Lo Brown bit to the even STUPIDER Gut Check decision (hot chick with an MMA background as Ronda Rousey becomes the face of the UFC and the winner of the match vs. the loser who happens to be Barbarian’s niece. Easy pick right?) to the lack of wrestling to just being lame in general, this was a terrible show. Aces and 8’s need to end like NOW, if nothing else so I don’t have to think about them anymore.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries via DQ when Matt Morgan interfered

D-Von b. Sting – Big Boot

Gail Kim/Bad Influence b. Velvet Sky/Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero – Eat Defeat to Sky

Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Garrett Bischoff/Doc – Top rope elbow to Doc

Mr. Anderson b. James Storm – Mic Check

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

WCW Pro
Date: March 7, 1992
Location: Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Attendance: 3,000
Commentator: Tony Schiavone

This is another show I’ve never looked at before but it’s the equivalent of probably Main Event today, not to be confused with WCW Main Event which is an entirely different show. We’re a few days past SuperBrawl which means Sting finally won the world title back from Lex Luger, who is on his way out of the company now, not be to be seen again for over three years. I’m not sure what to expect from this one so let’s get to it.

We open with Rude talking about how he’s beaten Sting before and he can do it again.

P.N. News vs. Fred Avery

News is a 400lb white rapper who is as stupid as he sounds. Avery weighs about 300lb himself and is from Wyoming of all places. News pounds away and dropkicks (kind of) Avery down. A clothesline puts Avery down again as does a fireman’s carry/Samoan Drop. News pounds away very slowly and hits a side slam before strolling around even more. Off to a reverse chinlock for a bit as this is dragging already. A belly to belly puts Avery down and a top rope splash ends this. News’ music was playing before the splash even hit.

Rating: D. News was as fat a fat slob that ever entered the ring this side of say Loch Ness. This was slow and plodding with News walking around the ring, likely in search of a Twinkie to prevent collapsing. He feuded with Steve Austin of all people at this time because when you have Austin, you put him in a feud with a fat tub of goo like News who can barely move an inch.

The new World Champion Sting talks about a title defense against Rude in Chicago.

Terry Taylor vs. Larry Santo

Taylor gets things going by sending Santo into the corner and dropping him with a jawbreaker. Santo is sent to the floor as we hear about Taylor taking Marcus Bagwell under his wing, only to turn on him in an attempt to destroy him. Taylor drops some knees on the back of the head and puts on a Boston Crab which goes nowhere. Taylor won’t even cover off a sitout powerbomb or a powerslam. The Five Arm (a forearm with a semi-clever name) puts Santo out of his misery.

Rating: D+. Not that this was good but it was better than the drek we sat through before this. Taylor though is one of the guys that I never have cared for no matter what he did, primarily because of his lame gimmicks. At this point he was the Taylor Made Man which meant he wore nice clothes. Seriously, that’s it.

Danny Wilson vs. Abdullah the Butcher

Butch is a guy who will run over everyone in sight and doesn’t care about rules at all, making this a more intense than usual squash. That’s what I can’t stand about these old shows: there’s nothing to say about them because it’s the same stuff over and over again. It’s the same destruction over and over again and there’s nothing to say here. Wilson is thrown to the floor and run over with a shoulder block back inside. Two big running 400lb elbows end this.

Rating: F+. Again, what do you want me to say here? Thankfully Butcher didn’t stab anyone in the head or main Wilson this time which is a step in the right direction for him. I’ve never been a fan of the guy as he’s in that camp that thinks bleeding everywhere and dropping an elbow or two makes you a wrestler. Now granted he’s done different stuff before, but his WCW stuff was dreadful.

We get a video from Jesse Ventura at the post-SuperBrawl party. Sting shows up for an impromptu press conference. He says he’ll face anyone who wants to face him and he’d love to defend it in Japan. Sting talks about how strong Luger (the guy he beat) was before Jesse asks what the trash talk was about. Apparently they were saying this is it and they were asking each other if they were ready. Sting doesn’t know who his next opponent will be but here’s the Dangerous Alliance, headed by Rick Rude.

He’s very happy about Sting being champion and offers Sting a drink. Sting says he has no reason to drink with Sting so there’s a drink to the face. Sting is ready to fight right now and it’s on with Rude getting a front facelock and riding Sting down with ease. The rest of the Alliance shows up and Sting is WAY outnumbered until security makes the save.

We get a segment called the Brickhouse Bonus which is an editorial from Jack Brickhouse, a legendary Chicago sportscaster. This is the Chicago version of WCW Pro, which is the same from a content perspective, but has stuff like that thrown in, along with ads for Chicago shows.

Young Pistol Steve vs. Ricky Steamboat

Steve is Steve Armstrong of the Armstrong Family. Feeling out process to start with Ricky carefully taking him into the corner. Steve heads to the apron as we’re over two minutes into this with barely any contact so far. A few shoulders put Steve down before Steamboat slaps him for no apparent reason. Ricky wants a test of strength but Armstrong stays in the corner. Armstrong grabs a headlock takeover out of the corner as they’ve got a lot of time to use here.

Another headlock takeover puts Ricky down again but Steamboat counters into a top wristlock. They go to the mat for some chain wrestling until Armstrong goes to the hair to keep him down. They get back up again with Steamboat taking over via a clothesline and a chop. Out to the floor now for nothing of note so we head back in for Steamboat to keep control. Armstrong goes into the corner a few times but he sends Ricky’s head into it instead to take over again.

Some punches to the face keep Steamboat down as Tony rambles about someone slapping someone else in the face. I would have more details about that but listening to Tony Schiavone makes my head hurt. A suplex puts Armstrong down but Armstrong hits one of his own on the Dragon. Ricky pops back up though and pounds away on Steve in the corner. Steamboat misses a clothesline and it’s off to a surfboard by Armstrong. A sunset flip gets one for Armstrong but Ricky rams him face first into the mat. Armstrong misses a charge and hits the ropes, allowing Ricky to go up top and finish with the cross body.

Rating: D+. This is one of those matches that was long for the sake of being long which doesn’t make it entertaining. At the end of the day, this was a former world champion against a lower midcard tag guy. This would be like Orton taking ten minutes to beat Epico. At the end of the day, it’s really hard to stay with a match that long when it’s just ok. Nothing to see here.

We run down the house show card again.

Rude says he’s going to show Chicago who the better man is between he and Sting.

Brian Pillman says don’t do steroids.

Overall Rating: D. This was your basic show from this era: a bunch of squashes and a feature match which didn’t work all that well. 1992 was decent at times, but you need more than this for a show to work. To be fair though this was the lower level show of the era which didn’t do it any favors. This was boring stuff, but at least it was relatively short.

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Kind of a big deal but it’s the easiest to write.

Honorable Mention: Edge. Before he became the ridiculous character that he was in the Rated R days, Edge was AWESOME, tearing Smackdown apart in 2002 and being on the verge of the world title until a neck injury put him on the shelf for over a year.  I was a huge Edgehead back in the day as the look and the music got me totally into his stuff.  There’s a fourway on Smackdown with him facing Angle, Guerrero and Benoit which is as good a TV match as you’ll see in a long time.

Honorable Mention: Rey Mysterio. Back in the mid to late 90s, Mysterio was like nothing else I had ever seen before.  When you go from the big brawling guys of the 80s to Bret and Owen on the mat earlier in the decade to Mysterio jumping all over the place and doing flips that no one in America had ever seen before, how in the world can you not be impressed?  Some guys would probably wind up doing it better, but Mysterio was doing it first and did it best back in the 90s.

Honorable Mention: Tito Santana. Santana is a guy where the more I see of him the more I like him.  The guy was incredibly talented and had some very solid charisma, as he could get a crowd going no matter what he was doing.  Santana is the original Kofi Kingston, as he won various other titles and got a once in a blue moon world title shot.  He never was a threat to win the title, but it was next to impossible to have a bad match with him.  That’s very valuable and it allows for a lot of help on a card.

5. Kane. Kane is a guy who constantly goes from being dull to entertaining at the drop of a hat.  His debut back in 1997 is still one of the most awesome moments I can remember, as you had heard about Kane for months and months until he FINALLY debuted in the first Hell in a Cell match.  It was clear from that moment that Undertaker was in for a fight and that’s what he got.  Think about it like this: Steve Austin was the hottest thing in the world for well over a year but Kane took the title from him two months after he won it.  That says a lot about him, even if it was for just one day.  Throw in the HILARIOUS anger management stuff and Kane is one of the most entertaining guys I’ve ever seen.

4. Randy Savage. Again, the more I watch this guy the more I appreciate him.  Savage is so smooth in the ring it’s unreal, as he can go from high flying to mat wrestling to brawling and back again like it’s no problem at all.  On top of that, Savage was NUTS and had some of the most over the top and insane promos you’ll ever hear.  Wait why am I bothering to explain this?  If you don’t know who Randy Savage is, why are you reading this?  The man is awesome and in a few years he’ll probably be higher on this list.

3. Hulk Hogan. Dude, it’s Hulk Hogan.  He got me into wrestling as a kid and he kept me in it for years.  It’s a simple idea: he’s a hero and he fought off the bad guys.  It’s amazing how simple of a concept that is yet so many people over the years have tried to/insisted on overthinking it.  While Hogan has done a lot of bad things over the years, without him there wouldn’t be a modern wrestling for him to do bad things in.  That pretty easily makes up for all of it and there’s not much of an argument against it.

2. Sting. As much as I liked Hogan, there’s something about Sting that I like that much more.  Sting is one of those guys that is indeed timeless and has done it all in wrestling.  Yes I said did it all, because he doesn’t need to go to WWE.  He’s one of the biggest stars of all time (get over yourself WON HOF.  To suggest that Sting isn’t a main event star is ridiculous) and had one of the most intriguing stories in the history of wrestling, which just happened to draw a fortune.  I love the guy and he’s always awesome.

1. Mick Foley. Foley on the other hand is awesome on a completely different level.  One of my favorite movies is Rocky, which clearly had a lot of influence on the Mick Foley character.  The night he won his first world title is still perfect and makes me smile every time I see it.  On top of that though, Foley really is a brilliant character.  Many people see him as three different interchangeable characters, but in reality it’s one who has multiple personalities that manifest themselves at the appropriate time.  That’s a really interesting and deep idea which has never been done other than this that I can think of.  On top of THAT, a few years ago I got to meet Foley at a book signing and he couldn’t have been a nicer guy, which made him all the more awesome.  Go read his books as they’re certainly worth it, even Countdown to Lockdown.

Monday Nitro #77
Date: March 3, 1997
Location: The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 13,693
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

We’re closing in on Uncensored and we need to get the main event established already. So far we know it’s Team WCW vs. Team NWO but if my memory is right, tonight we’ll hear about a third team being added. This show would be going against Raw in Germany which had Bulldog vs. Owen in one of the best TV matches ever, so I think Nitro is going to lose in the quality war tonight. Let’s get to it.

The NWO arrives in what looks like a Hummer limo. After they come in another limo pulls up, containing Dr. Harvey Schiller, the real head of Turner Sports. Again with WCW’s idea of having real suits with no connection to the business playing themselves.

Hugh Morrus/Konnan vs. Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael

Morrus and Jarrett get us going and it’s time to talk about the Dr. that showed up earlier on. Jarrett speeds things up and takes Morrus down with a shoulder and an atomic drop. Morrus comes back with right hands and brings in Konnan with the rolling clothesline. Morrus tries a spinning cross body while Konnan holds Jarrett, but Jeff low blows K-Dawg and Konnan takes the fat man. Mongo cleans house but here’s Public Enemy. Jarrett swings the briefcase at Rocco but it blasts Mongo for the pin.

Rating: D-. How many weeks in a row have we seen these two have some kind of a mishap that leads to a pin? It seemed to go on for months on end and it would continue over the summer. Jarrett didn’t get over because of this and he made the right move by jumping to the WWF in the fall.

Here are Anderson and Flair to complain about the miscommunication. Jarrett says that he’s Horsemen material but Flair gets in his face. Ric says Jarrett is making Flair look bad. Now THAT says a lot. Mongo yells a lot and Debra starts talking, drawing some LOUD booing. She doesn’t want to be on a losing team so GET IT TOGETHER.

Rick Fuller vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Fuller is a big guy standing probably 6’7. Page works on the arm to start followed by a belly to back. Fuller powers him down and drops a leg for two. The fans chant for DDP so he hits the spinning clothesline to take Fuller down. A slam is reversed into the Diamond Cutter for the easy pin. Fuller had a good look.

Page talks about the NWO beating him down last week and focuses on Savage in particular. He tells Savage to snap into the Diamond Cutter.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Ray Mendoza Jr.

That’s Mendoza, not Mysterio and he’s more famous as Villano IV. Mendoza tries to make this a technical match by taking it to the mat which makes sense against Guerrera. Juvy is like screw that in Spanish and hits a pair of ranas to send Mendoza to the floor. The plancha misses though and Mendoza takes over again. Back in an overhead belly to belly gets two. Juvy takes over and hits a springboard legdrop for two.

Off to a chinlock so the guys can catch their breath which is fine. Back up and a victory roll into a rana gets two for Juvy. Mendoza gets backdropped to the floor and they ignore the DQ rule because they want to. Juvy hits a suicide dive but Mendoza kicks away at him anyway. A slingshot rana brings Mendoza back in and they both go to the corner. They both go up and Mendoza gets crotched. A spinwheel kick puts him down and the 450 (to the knees) ends this.

Rating: D+. This was a lot sloppier than you would expect. The match wasn’t bad but other than Rey, you could more or less throw any Cruiserweight from another country and throw him in these spots and it would be about the same. Then again, this was still pretty new stuff at the time so it’s ok.

Kevin Sullivan, Jackie and Jimmy Hart take over the announcers’ desk and Jackie takes credit for Benoit and Woman not being here. She challenges any man on the roster, throwing out names like Hogan, Nash and Savage. Why is she allowed to talk? Who thinks it’s a good idea?

Hank Aaron is here.

Mike Enos vs. Dean Malenko

Malenko is all fired up here because of Eddie ticking him off and costing him the title if I remember right. He chokes Enos in the corner and takes out the knee. They head to the floor and Malenko works on the leg using the barricade. Back in and Enos finally gets in a knee lift to slow Dean down. And never mind as Dean takes the knee out again almost immediately. Malenko hits a top rope cross body but Enos rolls through for two. A clothesline puts Malenko down but a splash misses. Enos tries a slam but Dean small packages him for the pin.

Rating: D+. Basically just a squash but it was fun to see Dean going OFF like this, showing emotion for almost the first time in his career. He would pick up the US Title at the PPV, which should have been a step up in the card for him and to a degree it was, but he never really moved past that. To be fair, Malenko didn’t exactly have the charisma to get much higher.

Dean says he’ll do that to anyone that gets in his way.

Here’s Bischoff who says he would love to put up the NWO’s belts at Uncensored because they’re awesome like that. As he brags about how great the NWO is, here’s Harvey Schiller. Once we actually explain who he is (he’s in charge of Turner’s Sports and Bischoff’s real life boss), he says that Bischoff has to follow rules which he hasn’t been doing. Therefore, Eric is SUSPENDED. This was a big deal and it was one of the first big shots that WCW got back against the NWO. And of course WCW capitalized on it and won the war within 4 months right?

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

Eddie is defending. The fans chant USA and it’s a feeling out process to start. Eddie takes him down with a headscissors but gets sent to the floor. Sonny tries to fire some kicks but Eddie is having none of that. He will however have some of Dragon’s kicks, including a spinwheel kick to take him down. Eddie rolls through a cross body and even though his feet are in the ropes, Dragon’s shoulder was up and Eddie is rolling on top of Dragon, the pin counts. That was a major botch of some kind and Eddie looks stunned by whatever happened.

Eddie says he’s tried to apologize to Dean so here’s Malenko in the flesh. Dean says he knows what Eddie’s true colors are and Eddie has no idea what’s going on. They yell a lot and that’s about it.

Hour #2 begins.

Scotty Riggs vs. Mr. Wallstreet

This is a fine example of people that remember Nitro being all drama and young guys having great matches. A lot of the time we had stuff like this to sit through. Riggs takes over quickly and hits a double ax to the head for two. Wallstreet sends him to the floor and does nothing out there, so let’s go back inside.

Schiller has officially made the main event for Uncensored, but it’s going to be a three way match with Piper having a team as well. We hit the chinlock but Riggs jawbreaks his way out of it. Elbow drop misses and Wallstreet takes over again. Riggs comes back with a middle rope missile dropkcik and a top rope sunset flip for two. And here’s Buff Bagwell for the DQ because MICHAEL FREAKING WALLSTREET has to be protected.

Rating: D. This got four minutes and a DQ finish. Look at the participants in this match for a minute and let that sink in. Riggs vs. Bagwell was such a pathetic feud and it was about as close to the Billy and Chuck of their day as you can get. Nothing here and for the life of me I don’t get why they didn’t just have a regular ending.

Piper is here because I guess he heard the announcement about getting a team and warped over. He talks about beating Hogan twice and calls the Outsiders cloned monkeys. Piper has two families: one in Oregon and one here with the fans. He’s going to make a third family out of people he…..oh sweet goodness not this. He’s going to have a series of tryouts tonight and the three winners make his team. Assuming there was nothing set up in a different kind of time frame, this was all set up within the last eight minutes or so. The fans are going to get to decide who makes his team.

Now keep in mind: three of these six guys will headline a WINNER TAKE ALL match on PPV in 13 days. Piper gets down to his trunks and the first guy is…..some dude in jeans. Tony: “I have no idea who that is.” Piper takes him down in an amateur position and the guy taps to a hammerlock very quickly. That’s a thumbs down.

Guy #2 is Horshu, who is more famous as Luther Reigns, who isn’t named Horshu yet and would only become a WCW Saturday Night guy in a few years. He fires off some left hands but gets put to sleep quickly.

#3 is a guy but “some guy with boxing gloves” jumps him. He looks like a cross between Eugene and Steve Williams. Piper has boxing gloves in his trunks for no apparent reason and let’s have a boxing match. Piper punches him into oblivion, gets knocked down then beats up Boxing Guy again, until Boxing Guy takes out the legs. The fans are starting to boo. Piper says bring it on and eventually gives the guy a spot on his team.

Wait we’re not done with Boxing guy because Piper says the fans are being too harsh so let’s fight some more. They take the gloves off and fight for about 20 more seconds before finally giving up on it.

#4 (I guess?) is a big fat guy who REALLY looks like Steve Williams. He’s barefoot so Tenay declares him a martial artist. Heenan: “He’s barefoot and tattooed. Sounds like the winner of the Miss Kentucky contest.” Piper gets kicked down but comes back with kicks of his own. He’s a legit black belt in Judo so he actually knows what he’s doing in a fight. This is before the letters UFC meant anything though, as they were only on their 12th show. The martial artist (none of them have had a name so far) gets totally gassed but tries to throw Piper out anyway. Piper escapes and gives this guy a spot on the team.

The final guy is John Tenta who at least gets a reaction because people know who he is. After a quick fight, the other teammates get in and it’s a big brawl. There’s the team I guess. Piper says it’s war with the NWO now. Thankfully this lasted about 5 minutes before WCW forgot these people existed and put in Jarrett, Benoit and Mongo instead. This got EIGHTEEN MINUTES. Let that sink in for a minute.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mr. JL

Prince Iaukea gets to talk during this match for some reason. Rey takes over to start with a corkscrew dive for two. JL throws him into the air and brings him down into a DDT for a delayed two. He goes up but misses a diving headbutt. They go to the floor and JL hits a flip dive off the apron. Back in and Rey ranas him down for two. Rey finally gets to the apron and hits the West Coast Pop for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. This was a REALLY awkward match. It wasn’t terrible I guess but these two might as well have been wrestling blindfolded. They didn’t click at all and it felt like they were going with random moves instead of any kind of match with a flow or story at all. Just didn’t work at all.

Madusa is here and says she’s been here for more than a year. She threw away a title belt to open up women’s wrestling but can’t get on TV because of Bischoff. Gee what a shock. This goes on for awhile with her talking about how great women are until Luna Vachon debuts and jumps her.

Here’s the NWO in full force with “Sting”. Wait that’s actually him. Ok then. Eric says that they’re not worried about Schiller because they’re friends with Ted. Hogan makes fun of Piper’s team and Savage says Piper needs a psychiatrist. This somehow takes seven minutes to get through.

Steiner Brothers vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Rick and Lex get things started as we’re rapidly running out of time. Lex takes him into the corner and Rick comes back with punches. Luger shows off the power and down goes Dog Face. Off to Scott as this is the Steiners’ first match back from the car wreck. Scott hits a butterfly powerbomb and it’s off to Giant who gets the crowd fired up. Rick tags himself in and comes off the middle rope with an ax handle to take him down. A GREAT double suplex puts Giant down for two. Everyone stops to stare at each other and it’s NWO time. Sting stands with the NWO and the match just kind of ends.

Rating: D. This was a lot of standing around for the sake of standing around until the NWO ran in to end the match. These four would wind up being Team WCW at the PPV which would be fine as all four had reason to face the NWO guys. This could have been a big time tag match too.

Piper and company come in through the crowd and the brawl finally gets going to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This was a horrible show on all accounts. All of the matches were either barely watchable or horrible, there was a nearly 20 minute segment that got booed out of the building, and other than the Bischoff suspension (you know, the guy that was back an hour and a half later saying it meant nothing), NOTHING happened on this show. Terrible episode here and one of the worst in the history of the show.

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