Impact
Date: March 24, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Do the Math

It’s another week in the Impact Zone after last week’s pretty awful show.  For some reason I have a better feeling about this show tonight.  I hope we don’t have another #1 contenders match tonight as there seems to be one on every show.  Other than that we continue on the Road to Lockdown.  Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of Anderson wanting a title shot last week and the segments with Hogan.  Oh and they swear a lot.  This has various editing in it so they have the same thing said multiple times and with different voice effects.

In the arena it’s Anderson and some guy in a suit.  There’s what appears to be a dry erase board in the ring.  Into the ring and there’s a bunch of math and formulas on the board.  This guy is apparently a professor from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and is a mathematician.  He talks about how Hogan and Bischoff are trying to mess this up for him.  Last week there was a double pin last week which he draws on the board.

Anderson never got a rematch and when you add up everything, WHERE IS HIS FREAKING REMATCH???  The professor says he does deserve a rematch and that’s it from him.  Oh wait Anderson wants to talk about some chick he wants to sleep with back in college.  Anderson implies the professor wanted to sleep with her too which the professor admits to.

The girl told Anderson that the professor told her that Anderson was gay.  The professor admits to it and Anderson says that’s cool.  Say it with me: Mic Check to the professor.  Nothing for Mary Ann?  Cue Hogan and Bischoff.  The professor is out cold under the board.  Bischoff doesn’t see what Hogan sees in Anderson and that the Network won’t like this.  Eric says that this is all Hogan’s deal.

Hogan likes what Anderson did to the professor, saying that he thought it was entertaining.  Anderson has been running amuck recently and Hogan doesn’t like it.  Hogan doesn’t like the idea of Anderson not doing things his way, the Immortal way.  There won’t be a rematch unless Anderson earns it.  The rematch contract doesn’t count because it’s signed by Dixie.  That does cover why his win in the triple threat back in February is worthless so points for that.  It’s RVD vs. Anderson tonight for the shot at Sting.  Anderson says RVD isn’t in his league.

Cue RVD as we take a break.  Back with RVD saying say what you were saying right now to Anderson.  Anderson says he’ll say it in the ring and calls Hogan a douchebag.  Hogan likes that and talks about playing in a sandbox with a perverted professor.  RVD isn’t sure why he signed with TNA in the first place.  He’s tired of being held back by Hogan and Bischoff and this needs to be RVDTV.

Sweet goodness it’s Sting now as I guess 20 minutes of talking isn’t enough to open a show.  I wasn’t huge on Sting’s new look at first but it’s growing on me.  He got a call from the Network also and they want Sting to be the enforcer in the main event tonight.  Dang the Network called him fast.  Granted they might have known about the match in advance I guess.

We get an update on AJ who has a bruiser spinal cord and he’ll be out indefinitely.

Tara vs. Mickie next.

Mickie James vs. Tara

 

What in the world happened to the Knockouts division?  This should be a great match but it’s been done into the ground.  Madison tells Tara to take Mickie down tonight no matter what it takes.  Naturally there’s a Charlie Sheen reference because everyone loves him still right?  We do get the Broken song though so I’m happy there.  Mickie dominates to start us off with a Thesz Press and a flapjack.
Tara is more or less in a bikini with a slightly longer top.  Can’t say I’m complaining.  Tara counters a rana attempt by Mickie into a powerbomb.  Tara goes up and gets crotched but fights Mickie off.  In a rather awesome looking move Tara does something that is kind of similar to a Styles Clash but instead of the ending to the Clash she landed in a Boston Crab position.  That was pretty cool looking.  Didn’t get the submission but the setup was cool.  Widow’s Peak attempt doesn’t work and a HUGE jumping DDT ends Tara at 3:20.

Rating: C+. These two fight a lot and I think I can see why.  First of all they’re both gorgeous and second of all they have good matches.  That DDT was awesome looking and is far better than whatever she uses usually.  I know she’s used it before but that was the first time I’ve seen it in awhile.  Good match here despite it being pretty short.

Anderson and Sting argue a bit in the back and Anderson wants to know a name at the Network.  There’s no name apparently and it’s just The Network.  That makes no sense so it’s probably a very important plot point for a major storyline.

We recap the borderline sexual assault on Okato last week by Pope.

Joe talks to Okato who has a match tonight.  Okato says something in Japanese.

Okato vs. D’Angelo Dinero

 

The announcer calls him Okada while the screen says Okato.  Okato jumps him immediately and is wrestling in that Jimmy Jack Funk mask.  After a quick attack to start he misses a dropkick off the top and here comes Pope.  The ropes are making loud noises whenever they’re hit tonight.  Pope vs. Joe at Lockdown.

Pope rams a bunch of knees into Okato’s head as he’s hanging over the apron.  He takes the boot off and drills Okato in the head with it, then takes the glove off to reveal a bunch of rings.  An uppercut with that is enough for a DQ at 2:28.  Barely even a match here as other than about 8 seconds at the beginning it was all Pope.  Pope pops the referee also and beats up Okato a bit more until Joe makes the save.  BIG reaction for Joe.

Video on Sting that we’ve seen like three times now which is about how he got into wrestling and loves TNA now.  TNA needed a hero so he came back.  Lots of Hardy mentions in this video which I’m not sure what to think of.

Now we get a video on Angle vs. Jarrett.  Is there a reason why we’re seeing a promo video for Lockdown in the middle of a show?  They’re good videos but I’m a bit confused as to why they’re airing here.

All show we’ve heard about Flair issuing a challenge to Fourtune.  That’s up next.

Back with RVD talking to Hogan.  Hogan thinks RVD is the guy and that he doesn’t get what Bischoff sees in Anderson.  He wants RVD to give it his all tonight and Van Dam leaves.  Hogan laughs and says what an idiot.

Here are Flair, Ray and Matt Hardy.  Flair talks about being God and how he’s going to hand the mic off to two great tag team wrestlers who are the best thing going today.  Wow indeed.  Matt looks so high it’s unreal.  He talks about being told they were the future 10 years ago but being stabbed in the back.  They’re going to stab Fourtune in the back but doing it straight ahead.

Bubba takes the mic and the fans chant for D-Von.  He talks about AJ not being here and how it’s because of Ray.  Apparently his Uncle Vito taught him to make people an offer they can’t refuse.  Ray asks for a 4-3 match at Lockdown.  Aren’t there only three of each?  Cue Fourtune minus AJ of course.

Kaz leads the charge and the fight is on.  Why are Flair’s clothes always ripped off in fights?  DWI attempt on Flair but the lights go red.  And Abyss is back and is the 4^th man.  There’s a chain brought in from somewhere and the big beating is on.  We take a break with Immortal standing tall.

Back with Abyss saying he’s stronger now and all that jazz.  He’s a monster don’t you know.

Here are Hernandez and his Mexican team, in this case the guy that ran in last week and Sarita/Rosita.  The guy is named El Anarchia.  The stable is called Mexican America apparently.  They’re taking our jobs, our women and our money because they’re the superior race.  Hernandez puts a Mexican flag over the American flag.  That flag is huge.  They call out Morgan who comes out with….he comes out with D-Von.

D-Von/Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez/Anarchia

This is a street fight.  There’s the massive Mexican flag above the ring and a British flag in the stands.  Holy international show!  Moregan and Hernandez in the ring with a fallaway slam taking Hernandez down.  The elbows in the corner set up a clothesline to send Supermex to the floor.  Velvet Sky runs down because this isn’t making enough sense already and she fights with the girls.

Angelina Love (blast that Jersey Shore chick so I now have to explain things) walks out very slowly but doesn’t do anything.  Winter comes out and screams ANGELINA.  Isn’t there like a MATCH going on right now?  Angelina leaves and we go back to the mach.  Anarchia hits D-Von with some object to end this at 3:40.  I know that’s long enough to grade but considering we saw maybe 90 seconds of the actual match and the rest was on the girls, no rating.

Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink Inc

 

Glad to see Crimson actually getting some camera time.  Neal looks like he’s in boxers.  Total squash to start with Neal getting destroyed by both guys.  Moore comes in and gets beaten down also.  He gets the first offense of the match for his team in the form of a moonsault press.  Shannon goes to tag Jesse but Jesse is still hurt.  Instead he jumps into the Red Alert to end it 3:05.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here as I guess they’re splitting up Ink Inc now too.  Other than Beer Money who in the world is left for this division?  Unless we’re going to go back to the Guns vs. Beer Money again, I have no idea where else they’re going with it.  Total squash here with Ink Inc getting in a combined 2 moves.

Neal shows respect post match but Moore takes the head gear of Steiner and wipes himself with it and throws it at Steiner.  Neal yells at him for it.

Video of the Anderson vs. RVD match at Victory Road.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

 

This match is happening because Earl Hebner never got to declare a winner.  So, in the last week, no one like, asked him who won?  Basic stuff to start us off as Anderson gets a neckbreaker for two.  Sting is the outside referee so they might as well stamp “Screwy finish” on this right now.  Backbreaker gets two.  Totally going through the motions here until we get to the ref bump.

And there it is as Anderson clotheslines the referee.  Chinlock by Anderson as Sting comes in as referee now.  Split legged moonsault gets two for RVD.  Rolling Thunder is avoided so RVD dives to the floor to take out Anderson.  Anderson fires a chair into the ring and Sting throws it out.  Mic Check into the post and RVD is done.  Anderson drills Sting and it’s a DQ at 6:43.  Ok, so RVD is #1 contender!  There is no way that there could be any other logical conclusion.

Rating: C-. The whole going through the motions thing got really annoying as they made it very clear that something was coming.  The ending just had to be screwy because that’s what they’re doing here to set up Lockdown, but now they’ve picked RVD.  Ok, that’s what I was hoping.  Just a winner.  I feel all at peace now.  I’m sure TNA will never find a way to change this.  Not them.  Not even a little bit.

Big pull apart brawl post match and we take a break.

Back with interviews with everyone involved in the match.  RVD doesn’t remember the match and thinks he has a title match tonight with Sting out of all this.  The interviewer corrects him and RVD is gone after the Mic Check into the post.  So another head injury angle?  Original guys, original.

Anderson wants to know why Sting is afraid of him.

Sting says he didn’t ring the bell.  Oh dear.  Oh dear indeed.  Anderson goes after Sting and they brawl again.  After they’re pulled apart Anderson wants to know who rang the bell.

Overall Rating: C. Far better than last week but I’m not sure what that’s really saying.  The ending likely is going to get changed because they’re dead set on that triple threat ending.  The pacing this week was WAY better with the wrestling being more spaced out.  Still not a great show really but it’s far better than last week.  I didn’t get annoyed during this one as I usually do, which is a good sign.  Much better show here.

Results

Mickie James b. Tara – Jumping DDT

Okato b. D’Angelo Dinero via DQ when Dinero hit Okato with rings on his hand

Hernandez/Anarchia b. D-Von/Matt Morgan – Anarchia pinned D-Von after hitting him with brass knuckles

Scott Steiner/Crimson b. Ink Inc – Red Alert to Moore

Rob Van Dam b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson hit the referee

Sorry for the delay.  I actually wasn’t sure what to think of the end of the show.

Victory Road 2011
Date: March 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well this is TNA’s offering for the month.  It’s another show with the majority of it added on at the very end with no real build to it.  Yes there are stories for the matches, but that doesn’t mean there’s justification for asking something like 40 dollars for a show.  The main event is the rematch of Sting vs. Jeff Hardy and the third #1 contender situation for Anderson.  Let’s get to this as it’s one of the least interesting shows I can remember in forever.

The opening video is the Sting mask being crawled on by a scorpion.  Wow they’re banking a lot on this push.

Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

 

Pre match Ray runs his mouth about how awesome Hogan and Bischoff are for letting him have a run.  Dreamer comes out and Ray talks about how he’s run Dreamer into the ground over the years and mentions breaking his wife’s neck.  This is now hardcore.  They brawl to start us off and Dreamer sends him to the floor as we imply Ray going to Immortal.  Well if they want to drive it off a cliff why not?

A fan holds a up a chair and Dreamer rams Bubba into it.  There’s some water spit into Bubba’s head.  This is opening a PPV in 2011.  Dreamer grabs some big yellow stuffed animal (apparently from Despicable Me) to drill Ray with.  Into the crowd now as my head is already hurting from this.  Granted that might be due to Florida getting a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament but who knows.

They go into the balcony with the traditional carry the guy around style. Dreamer hits him in the head with something that looked like it was made of metal to continue his dominance so far.  Back to ringside with Bubba getting in a big shot with some other unidentifiable weapon.  Crowd is hating on Ray pretty well.  He’s played the character well, but why in the world is it Bubba Ray Dudley getting this push?

Ray goes after Dreamer’s hand which only works to an extent.  Dreamer throws some garbage cans with weapons into the ring.  Good thing he had those just in case this was made hardcore I guess.  They have a road block thing that has a name that I can’t think of in there.  It’s the orange/white fence thing that is moved up when you drive through it.  And there’s an inflatable doll in there which Bubba lands in a 69 position with.

Splash on the doll onto Bubba gets two.  Ray gets a trashcan lid shot to the head of Dreamer as Dreamer goes up top.  Superplex gets no cover.  Bubba Bomb is blocked into a DDT for two.  Dreamer brings in a table (moving it off the love doll) which is set up in the ring like a small ramp.  The fans want D-Von as Ray gets a spinning Rock Bottom for two.  He sets the table for Dreamer and calls out at D-Von.  The kids of D-Von come out as does D-Von and Ray takes a 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: D+. There was a blowup doll in this as well as a Despicable Me doll.  I get that it’s a comedy match, but dude it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Bubba Ray Dudley opening a PPV in a semi-comedy match in the year 2011.  Just get to the table match that is coming for Bubba vs. D-Von so they can move into midcard purgatory.

Winter and the Beautiful People insist they’re cool.  Winter says the issues have been Velvet’s fault.  This gets a WTF look from Velvet.

Knockout Tag Titles: Rosita/Sarita vs. Winter/Angelina Love

 

The Mexican chicks say basic Spanish stuff.  Winter is blindfolded or something and there’s no Velvet, making me think the titles are changing here.  Rosita and Angelina start us off but it’s off to Winter quickly as the champions are dominating.  Bridging Northern Lights gets two.  Angelina back in now as the fans chant USA for two Mexican chicks, Angelina (Canadian) and the British chick Winter.

Sarita is in now and has about as much luck as Rosita had.  There’s some heel cheating and Rosita misses a front flip legdrop that was aimed at Angelina’s ankles.  More fast tags by the champions as they regain control quickly.  Everything breaks down slightly and Sarita grabs a belt.  She drops it and Rosita gets ahold of it but Velvet runs in to steal it.  Winter rolls her up but no referee.  Rosita reverses it and wins the titles with a pin.

Rating: D. Well this was predictable.  I don’t think this lasted very long but I don’t time PPV matches so it’s not like it matters.  Granted these titles have been worthless since they debuted.  Velvet has to explain herself.  Wouldn’t Winter know that she was never hit by a belt and that would be enough validation?  Whatever.

We’re going to have the Jarretts on vacation tonight.  They’re at Universal Studios and Karen is bored out of her mind with the rollercoasters.  The kids are with them and Karen hates the kid stuff.

Morgan talks about (Shawn) Hernandez and how the Mexican company dropped him.  Morgan says that after this he’s going after the world title.  The recap for the match is just that Hernandez came back and played the race card, setting this up.  He’s in Immortal also.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

 

This is first blood.  Hernandez came out to the LAX theme which is a rarity.  They head to the floor almost immediately as Morgan rushes the ring.  Hernandez gets a sharp wooden stick and tries to jab it into Morgan’s face ala Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard.  I apologize for comparing this to a classic like that.  Hernandez ribs as the face as the fans want blood.  Morgan fights back by a side slam.

Hernandez hits a Pounce as we hear about how awesome he was in AAA.  He was so awesome he wasn’t at their biggest show of the year last year.  Hernandez hammers away until Morgan gets a discus lariat.  This is rather boring if you didn’t get that.  Fall away slam continues Morgan’s lack of head shots.  He grabs the stick from earlier but gets kicked in the gut to drop it.

A fan runs in and Hernandez pulls out a chain.  Morgan kicks it out of his hand and drills Hernandez with it.  The referee is down and Hernandez is busted open.  Hernandez comes out of the corner and sprays Morgan with something that looks like fake blood or something like that.  The other referee comes out of the back (I guess not watching on a monitor or something) and gives it to Hernandez.

Rating: F+. Well the ending was original as I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done.  However, this is more or less every other first blood match with the heel bleeding and getting the win anyway in a screwy finish.  This was nothing at all of note, but granted you can say that about the first 45 minutes entirely here of Impact on Sunday.

It’s Max Buck’s birthday and he works as a team with his brother.  Shenanigans are implied.

Kazarian interviews JB in a weird moment.  He busts out a Charlie Sheen reference, making me want to end Kazarian.

Robbie E yells at someone that we can’t see.  Cookie is panicking about Ultimate X and Robbie says he’s fine.  This was idiotic if you didn’t get that.

Video on Ultimate X.  It’s so awesome that it got thrown on at the last minute.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

 

The idea here is the title is hung over the ring on cables that cross to form an X.  You have to climb across to grab the title and can’t use a ladder.  It’s supposed to be all about Maz remember.  This is the 24^th Ultimate X match in history apparently and Kaz’s fifth.  This is kind of a weird triple that with Gen Me vs. Robbie vs. Kaz.  The team beats up both guys to start us off.

Kaz fights them off for a bit and manages a springboard up to the X in a cool spot.  That gets him nowhere as Robbie comes in and stomps away.  Max goes up but it’s Robbie stopping him.  Cookie is hot but the voice is annoying.  Gen Me gets everyone down and goes for the belt until Robbie stops them again.  Kaz is back in now and faces off with Jersey Boy.

Robbie escapes the Fade to Black (that reverse Piledriver) and gets backdropped to the floor, hitting his ankle on the steps.  Gen Me wakes up again and takes down both guys one more time.  Jeremy gets a sweet assisted moonsault to take Robbie and Kaz down.  Max is all alone but wants Jeremy to help him up instead.  Jeremy holds off Kaz and Max makes a run at it.  Kaz of course saves as Robbie has a bad ankle still.

Double dropkick puts down Kaz and a baseball slide does the same to Robbie.  Jeremy does this weird reverse jump to get up and holds off Kaz.  This again fails and Maz, who also was trying to get the belt, is swung backwards and gets knocked off and caught in a cutter to put him down.  Robbie gets up and goes for the title, only to get pulled down by Max.  And never mind as Max is sent into the structure by Kaz and gets stuck.  That’s different if nothing else.

Everyone is down now and Max is unhooked for a change.  Kaz hits Fade to Black on Robbie but gets kicked by Jeremy.  Jeremy tries to go up only to take an enziguri from the champion to put him down.  Flux Capacitor (suplex/rock bottom) off the top by Kaz puts Jeremy down again.  Robbie and Kaz both go across at the same time.  Gen Me kicks Robbie down and swing the champion down too in a nice bump.

Jeremy goes up and Max isn’t happy.  Max pulls him down which is the point of the match.  They both go from opposite corners and both are hung by their legs upside down in the middle.  They slug it out up there until Robbie grabs a ladder to take them down.  Kaz goes above the X and grabs the title at the same time as Robbie.  Kaz pulls it up but there’s no bell.  Oh there it is.

Rating: C+. It’s ok but this is a match that has been done so many times that there wasn’t much here.  It’s definitely one of the weaker matches they’ve had with this gimmick but it’s still good.  Fun match but they kept trying to play up the Bucks only for them to break up and not play a factor in the end.  Fun, but definitely not great.

More honeymoon stuff and Karen wants champagne.  Instead it’s a pizza.  Next up: a water park.

Beer Money hits on Christy and try to get her to do the BEER MONEY thing.  Basically it’s to hit on her and stare at her figure.  Can’t say I blame them.  They get serious and say they’re awesome but Ink Inc is overstepping their bounds.  Something about respect is mentioned.

We recap the feud, which was Ink Inc saying they want a title shot and Beer Money saying ok.

Tag Titles: Ink Inc vs. Beer Money

 

I could see this being good.  Neal vs. Storm starts us off With no one taking over we get a double tag and some technical stuff follows.  The fans are split which makes sense for once as they’re both face teams.  Moore gets a leg lariat for two.  Neal comes in now and takes a powerslam for two.  This is taking a bit to get off the ground here.

Moore back in now and we hit the chinlock.  They do some basic stuff and it’s one of those moments where stuff happens but nothing is going on.  It’s ok but there is no interest in this at all.  It could be because there’s no history here and it’s there for the sake of having a title match.  Roode gets a spinebuster on Neal for two.  Ink Inc takes over again as Taz isn’t even sure who is legal.

Roode gets the formerly Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) to Neal and goes up top with Moore.  Down goes Roode and a Whisper in the Wind to Storm gets no cover.  Roode with a Rock Bottom for two.  BEER MONEY thing kind of gets the crowd hot but Neal hits the spear on Storm.  Neckbreaker gets two on Roode.  Moore wants to use the chain but Neal disagrees.  Beer Money comes back and the DWI ends Moore.  I guess they’re splitting one of the two active teams worth anything.

Rating: C+. This was just there for the most part.  It wasn’t great at all but it wasn’t bad.  Like I said: just kind of there.  The total lack of story hurt it a lot which is due to the booking and not the guys.  This wasn’t bad but it was really not interesting at all.  Granted that might be Shannon Moore.

Neal shakes their hands post match but Moore spits beer in their faces, I guess turning heel.  He talks about having to be tough to win.  Whatever.

Matt Hardy talks about how he’s cold blood/cold blooded and will hurt AJ.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy

 

This is just Immortal vs. Fourtune.  AJ uses speed to take over and grabs a front facelock.  Sweet dropkick takes Matt down.  Flair interferes and here comes Matt.  Here come the dueling chants also.  Matt has the braided hair back too.  He’s in jeans and no armbands either, making him look like a bum.

Out to the floor again where AJ is sent into the post.  He counters by hitting his always awesome slide under the railing and springboard forearm.  Back in the ring now with AJ taking over for awhile.  Matt sends him to the floor and Flair hammers away.  That’s Lockdown for these two next month people.  Back in Matt grabs a submission hold which is like a body vice.  Picture him setting for a double arm DDT and jumping up to wrap his legs around AJ.  It looked good if nothing else.

The rope is reached so it’s not like it means anything.  Taz says there’s no escape to it, which is stupid as AJ just escaped.  Flair grabs AJ’s balls for a bit and Matt grabs a cravate.  This is boring if that wasn’t clear.  AJ comes back and hammers away as the crowd seems a bit restless.  Enziguri puts Matt down and AJ does the same.  More punching follows and a big kick to the head sets up a backbreaker for two.

AJ misses a discus lariat and the Side Effect gets two.  This needs to end rather soon here.  Matt gets an elbow to the back of AJ’s head and it’s Twist of whatever time.  It’s blocked into a backslide for two and down goes AJ again.  AJ gets back up and tries the Clash but Matt escapes that and gets two.  Styles kind of botches his backflip into the reverse DDT but Flair distracts the referee.

Flair pokes AJ in the eye and takes a Pele for his efforts.  Matt gets a DDT and a moonsault for two.  END THIS ALREADY.  Hey they listen to me as AJ takes Matt down and Spiral Tap of all things which AJ hasn’t used in years (it’s a top rope twisting moonsault/splash) gets him the pin.

 

Rating: D+. AJ was good, Matt was sluggish.  What else were you expecting here?  For the life of me I don’t get why people see money in Matt Hardy as he’s just big and slow at this point with the fans cheering him for some reason.  AJ needs to just beat Flair and get it over with already.  At least Matt didn’t win so there is that at least.

Back to the honeymoon with Karen snapping on Jeff.  She wants sex apparently.  Jeff thinks she means Kurt.  This storyline has died so many times it’s insane.  Thursday on Impact Jeff is going to call for a truce.  They’re not sure where their kids are but they all get soaked.  Jeff has been a total face the entire night now.

Anderson talks about getting screwed over and more or less says he’s a tweener.

We recap RVD vs. Anderson.  In short, they both want the title and both say they got screwed.  Somehow we’re talking about football.  They’re grasping at whatever straws grasp at to come up with a backstory for this match.  They talk about Lockdown in the voiceover but I stopped caring a long time ago.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

 

This is ANOTHER #1 contenders match for Anderson after he won one already.  They stare it down to start and it’s dueling chant time with Anderson’s being louder.  Technical stuff goes on and it’s a standoff.  More technical stuff follows as I think this is supposed to be an epic match.  They botch a leapfrog spot with Van Dam taking a head to the balls.  This show is almost a comedy of errors at this point.

Rolling Thunder to Anderson as I just want this match to end at this point.  Spinning legdrop to the railing misses Anderson and the leg hits the railing to give Anderson control.  Anderson works the leg and it’s all basic stuff here.  Mic Check is blocked and Rolling Thunder doesn’t work either.  Van Dam gets a suplex to put both guys down.

Both guys go down again and this is just dragging like every other match so far.  Van Dam goes shoulder first into the post and they ram heads to go down AGAIN.  Now they head to the floor off a cross body and they lay around AGAIN.  Anderson gets the Mic Check on the stage and Van Dam is more of less dead.

And it’s a double count out.  The fans boo the HECK out of that and I’d be with them.  This somehow was 15 minutes long.  Where in the world was the 15 minutes?  Oh and look: MORE multi-man title matches.  The fans chant to restart it and half chant no.  Now it’s a 5 more minutes chant.  Get on with it already.

Rating: F. This was just boring as all goodness and the ending hurt it even more.  They have zero chemistry together and this show has sucked so hard so far that this made it even worse.  It’s obvious they’re doing a multi-man match at Lockdown but that isn’t helping anything as far as tonight goes.  This is one of the worst PPVs I’ve seen in a very long time which is saying a lot when it comes to TNA.

We recap Sting winning the title on 3/3.  He was a surprise, read the other reviews for the details.

Hardy says that he was treated unfairly and he’ll win tonight to bring everyone back to reality.

Sting talks about getting into the business and it’s music video time.  I’ve heard this interview before.  Probably was on Impact or something.  Yeah I think it was.  He was at home and felt a burn.  Call a doctor dude.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

 

It’s 10:30 and Jeff is wasting time getting to the ring.  Before the match Bischoff comes out to waste MORE time.  He makes it No DQ which somehow takes like two minutes.  Sting drops him and the Scorpion Death Drop ends this in less than a minute.  That was their first contact of the “match.”  I kid you not.  Are they serious?

We get a highlight video to fill in 6 minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. The show has been over for 15 minutes now (final bell rang at 10:38) and I don’t know what to say.  Early word is that Hardy was in no condition to perform.  If that’s the case, TNA’s creative and management team all should refund the fan’s money and resign.  You had 150 minutes to come up with ANYTHING else to put out there and this is what they gave us.  Put Bully Freaking Ray out there and it’s a better than this.

I’m still not sure what to think about what just happened but this is awful even by TNA standards.  It’s a big slap in the face to the people that bought this show and they’ve cost themselves dearly.  I was going to go to Lockdown and now I have no interest in going at all.  Absolutely awful ending and a disgrace all around.  Jeff being high or not, you do not let this happen.  Period.

As for the rest of the show, it was bad.  There was nothing at all of note worth seeing and that makes the ending even worse.  This show didn’t need to happen at the end of the day.  It’s a speed bump on the road to Lockdown and nothing was advanced here.  Now, because of this, TNA has another fire to put out.  I have no idea where they go from here but it’s nowhere good.

Results

Tommy Dreamer b. Bully Ray – 3D with help from D-Von

Rosita/Sarita b. Winter/Angelina Love – Rollup to Winter

Hernandez b. Matt Morgan – Hernandez squirted blood on Morgan

Kazarian b. Max Buck, Jeremy Buck and Robbie E – Kazarian pulled down the Title

Beer Money b. Ink Inc – DWI to Moore

AJ Styles b. Matt Hardy – Spiral Tap

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam went to a double countout

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Impact
Date: March 10, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Return of the Icon

Hey did you know that Victory Road was this Sunday?  You probably shouldn’t as it’s not like TNA has spent any TV time building anything for it outside of the quick mention of the tag title match last week.  Other than that we know very little for this PPV and the show is in 3 days.  We’re still in North Carolina this week and Sting is the new world champion.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of the previous week’s shows and then it’s time for Sting to address the crowd.  He has a weird color scheme in his face paint that looks like there’s a bloody cross over his eye.  Sting talks about how he’s had a long career and the people have supported him every step of the way.  He talks about Jeff Hardy and how great he is and that he needs to get back to being his old self.

Cue Hogan and Bischoff with Hogan doing the talking.  He talks about how Sting saw it coming from miles away and no one believed them that Hogan was going to screw over TNA.  When no one believed it, he went home but now he’s back.  The fans don’t need another hero.  They have one named Hulk Hogan.

Sting says he went home but then he got a fire inside him, just like when he fought Flair or Hogan.  Sting says he has to start a new war and it starts right here.  Cue Anderson who says he wants his rematch.  The key word is “My” and he doesn’t care what Hogan or Bischoff or the Network says, he wants it.  Anderson introduces himself to Sting and Sting smiles at him.

Cue Hardy because this isn’t crowded enough already.  Anderson isn’t getting his shot yet is he?  He says he was robbed last week and that he’s awesome.  Hardy tells Anderson that the line for the world title starts behind Hardy.  Here’s RVD to complain some more.  Van Dam yells at everyone until Hogan starts talking again.  He calls the shots here and Bischoff makes RVD/Sting vs. Hardy/Anderson.  Hardy vs. Sting for the title at the PPV and Anderson vs. RVD grudge match.  Why do they have a grudge?

The girls talk in the back with the Jersey Shore chick talking and swearing a lot.  There’s a six girl tag later.  Winter gets rid of them and Velvet is still mad.

Samoa Joe vs. Pope next.

Samoa Joe vs. D’Angelo Dinero

 

Pope comes through the crowd and drills Okato with his chain to take over.  Joe hammers away on him with various strikes that leave Pope staggering.  Pope fights back a bit but gets destroyed by all kinds of things from Joe, namely a powerslam.  Joe tries a sleeper but runs into an STO for two.  Pope gets a turnbuckle pad off but walks into a suplex.  He grabs the chain from earlier and pops Joe in the head with it for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. I’m not entirely sure what the point of this was.  If that was the blowoff to it I’m not sure what they’re thinking.  I don’t think it was but it’s a head scratching moment for sure.  Joe destroyed him for the most part and got caught by a single shot at the end to lose it.  Not sure where they’re going with it but hopefully that’s not the end of it.

Bully Ray yells at people and says he’ll be in the parking lot waiting on Dreamer.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. ???

 

This is another open challenge.  My goodness Tara is stunning.  This week Roxxi answers it and is taken down quickly.  She misses a charge as this is all Madison early.  Spinebuster gets two for Roxxi as does a rollup.  That same neckbreaker/knee to the back combination by Madison ends this at 1:30.  This was nothing.  Mickie James comes out for the save.  So it’s back to this feud again?

Dreamer goes to the parking lot and says he’ll fight Ray right now.

After a break Ray is screaming for Dreamer.  How big is this parking lot that they can’t hear each other?  D-Von jumps Ray and beats the heck out of him by ramming him into various things, namely D-Von’s fists.  Ray begs for mercy as D-Von finds a chair to whip Bubba with.  D-Von gets a sledgehammer from a golf cart and Dreamer comes in to stop him from killing Ray.  After the leave Ray beats up the security guard just because.

Sarita/Cookie/Angelina vs. Angelina Love/Velvet Sky/Winter

 

Velvet and Angelina-Not Love start us off.  Winter and Angelina Love defend the tag titles against Sarita/Rosita on Sunday.  Everything breaks down quickly and here’s Robbie E to hold Velvet.  Winter teases hurting Velvet but saves her instead.  Winter bites Robbie’s hand so that Velvet can roll up Angelina-Not Love to win it at 1:50.  Was there a point to this other than girls in little clothing?  Not that I’m complaining.

We get a clip from a house show with Angle talking.  Anderson talks about the New York Jet interrupting Angle.  Angle says he’ll fight Bart Scott.

Anderson is in Immortal’s locker room and isn’t happy with having to team with Hardy.  Bischoff calms him down.

We recap Flair turning on Fourtune which was supposed to be shocking I think.  This also requires another Hogan appearance.

Ric Flair vs. Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

 

Flair is of course in a suit.  Nothing could go wrong with two North Carolina guys in North Carolina as heels right?  AJ is in jeans and a t-shirt   Flair says he hopes Flair country is grabbing AJ by the balls.  AJ says TNA is the house that AJ Styles built.  Flair says he made the town and has slept with most of the people’s mothers and fertilized Fayetteville.  Matt cuts AJ off and says AJ couldn’t understand what Matt has gone through in this business.  This isn’t personal though.

AJ blasts Matt as this is a 3 way street fight that continues after the bell.  Back with AJ hammering away on Matt with Flair on the floor.  The bell I believe rang pre-bell but it’s not quite clear.  Flair comes in for the first time during the match and hammers away.  That gets him nowhere as AJ takes him down and sets for the Figure Four.  He’s no Jay Lethal though so he can’t get a submission.  Matt drops the leg to break it up for two.

Out on the floor and Matt drills AJ with a chair and brings out a ladder.  Flair is all busted open again as is his custom.  Twist of Fate is blocked and Hardy goes into the ladder.  AJ beats up Flair for awhile as Matt grabs a Side Effect for two.  AJ avoids a chair shot from Ric and chops away.  Styles Clash is blocked and the Twist of Fate onto the chair allows Flair to win this at 9:58, assuming the bell rang just before the break.

Rating: C-. This ran long and I have no idea what the point of the three way aspect of it was.  Not much of a match but AJ vs. Matt does nothing for me at all.  This was ok I guess but at the same time, do we need to see Flair getting beaten up this badly in his early 60s?  I certainly don’t.

RVD isn’t happy that Sting thought he was part of THEY.

Generation Me vs. Ink Inc

 

Beer Money is on commentary here.  Jeremy vs. Shannon to start.  Storm talks about Shannon being his friend and the guy he came up and down the road with.  Gen Me has letters on their tights now so that helps.  Gen Me gets Kazarian and Robbie E in Ultimate X on Sunday.  Great to see them let that build.  Jeremy hits that springboard X Factor so that Max can come in to hammer away.

Shannon is the face in peril for awhile until it’s off to the fire red head hair.  He cleans house and hits a springboard cross body for two but can’t hit his spear in the corner.  Jeremy is brought back in and gets speared out of the air in a cool spot for…no cover.  Mooregasm ends Jeremy in 4:15.

Rating: C+. Just a tag match here to give Ink Inc some credibility.  This was nothing special for the most part but it did its job and the spear spot was cool.  Ink Inc has more or less no chance on Sunday but at least we get some build for the match here which is always good to see.

Both teams say basic things.

Jeff Hardy more or less threatens Anderson not to turn on him.  Anderson says he’s unorthodox and illogical because he’s a jerk.

Pope says he’s going to end this with Joe soon.

We recap the wedding from last week which was kind of awesome and VERY long.  The Jarretts are going on their honeymoon and going to Orlando.  Lots of sex is implied.

Package on Ultimate X.

We run down the Victory Road card.  In addition to the announced matches we also get Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles and Morgan vs. Hernandez in a first blood match.  Ray vs. Dreamer also.

Sting talks about not wanting to become a wrestler but having his opinion changed.  TNA is his brand apparently and he doesn’t like Hogan/Bischoff/Hardy taking it over.  He says it’s been a great seven days and he’ll defend the title against anyone.  Anderson jumps him and beats him down, shouting about wanting his rematch.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam/Sting

 

Some kid is doing the announcing here and sounds awful.  No Sting to stat us off here and after about three minutes there go the lights and on comes the music.  I know there isn’t much said there but it’s exactly what you would expect of it.  Sting is here, Death Drop, Five Star ends Anderson at 4:58.

Rating: C-. Weak main event here but they were so rushed with having to get to….uh all that other stuff.  Like the honeymoon announcement.  Yeah this was weak.

Overall Rating: C. This was ok and better than last week’s but not by much.  There was more going on here and it helped things a lot.  They had to rush thing through here to get us to the PPV this weekend and they did ok at it.  I’m not sure what they’re planning to get us to here and it’s getting a bit old.  Decent show but nothing great at all.

Results

D’Angelo Dinero b. Samoa Joe – Dinero pinned Joe after a shot with a chain

Madison Rayne b. Roxxi – Neckbreaker/knee to the back of the head combination

Angelina Love/Velvet Sky/Winter b. Angelina/Cookie/Sarita – Velvet rolled up Angelina

Ric Flair b. Matt Hardy and AJ Styles – Flair pinned Styles after a Twist of Fate from Hardy

Ink Inc b. Generation Me – Mooregasm to Jeremy

Rob Van Dam/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash to Anderson

Clash of the Champions
Date: March 27, 1988
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

There’s quite a bit to say here. This show likely should have been called Crockett’s Revenge. Twice Vince had sabotaged Crockett’s attempt at a PPV debut. First he put on a show called Survivor Series on the same night as Starrcade 87, which was their version of Mania. He had told the PPV companies that if they didn’t show his show, they wouldn’t get Mania 4. The last PPV had been Mania 3, so this terrified the PPV guys. All but like 3 went with Vince. Crockett tried again in January with an awful show called Bunkhouse Stampede which focused on a battle royal. Vince put on a free show about a battle royal and called it the Royal Rumble.

So now it’s late March, which means Wrestlemania time. In fact, this is Wrestlemania night. So Crockett, the nice guy that he is, puts on this: a free show of PPV quality. The main event is Ric Flair vs. a former Horseman (bet a lot of you didn’t know that) who won a title shot and dared to ask Flair for it. He’s incredibly athletic, young, strong and popular. His name is Sting. This show is universally considered his coming out party as he went from a local guy in the UWF to a solid guy in Crockett, to a national star immediately after this match. In short, without this match, Sting means nothing to wrestling. Let’s get to it.

The opening video runs down the show in an incredibly laid back tone. The announcer is talking about revenge etc and sounds like he’s ordering dinner. Keep in mind this was on TBS (a cable channel) so there will be commercials.

Tony is kind of rocking a mustache.

TV Title: Mike Rotunda vs. Jimmy Garvin

Rotunda is in the Varsity Club here, which is based on the idea of them all being college athletes. Therefore, this is under college rules. There are three five minute periods and only a one count is needed. Teddy “I still have hair here” Long is referee. Rotunda (IRS later on) is kind of like Swagger-Lite. Garvin is nowhere near as good as Rotunda is on the mat so he’s the underdog here by a long stretch.

We see a LOT of the fans. We know they’re there dudes. There’s a lot of feeling out here with both guys doing basic stuff, which is the idea of the match so I can’t complain about it. The audio on this tape is horrible so I’ll have to do my best on it but I apologize if I miss something. The weird thing is that there’s basic pro stuff here which is almost completely against the idea. Rotunda goes insane on him and almost gets him as we go to the bell to end the first round.

There’s a 30 second rest period. Mike jumps him almost immediately and we get a slam, likely the most high impact move so far. We then have a slam off the top for a change of pace. Kevin Sullivan, Rotunda’s stable mate goes after Precious, Garvin’s wife. That allows a rollup on Garvin to end it. Rick Steiner, the other member of the Varsity Club, comes down and they beat up Garvin but he saves Precious in the end. This was part of a WEIRD angle where Sullivan tried to “get” Precious and had some kind of papers to make that happen. We never found out what they were and the angle never was finished, but dang it was out there.

Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade as it was just so different from the traditional match, but this was really just a small piece in the epic feud between Garvin and the Varsity Club. This would dominate the midcard for most of a year as the Varsity Club was incredibly successful. Had the Horsemen not been the greatest stable ever and not been around at that time, it would be very interesting to see just how far these guys could have gone. They were that good. Anyway, this was just to have more Precious vs. Sullivan and Garvin vs. Rotunda so they could be introduced to the audience. No harm there.

Dr. Death talks about Dusty and Magnum who have been having some problems with heels lately. He wants the winner of Sting vs. Flair. I’d pay to see either of those matches.

Ad for the Four Horsemen Vitamins. Take that Flintstones!

US Tag Titles: Midnight Express vs. Fantastics

The heels are the champions and if you don’t know who the heels are then you fail. It’s Eaton and Stan here for the historically challenged. The Fantastics jump them to start and it is on quick. We go immediately to the floor as this is a huge feud and has been for months. This was the golden era of tag wrestling and these two along with the Rock N Roll Express led the charge.

It’s still just a wild brawl with chairs and tables all over the place. Keep in mind this is 1988 so this stuff is incredibly extreme at the time, at least to the masses. Ross is panicking over all this stuff. This was when he was relatively young and got even more excited than he would later on. It was a regular tag situation for about 9 seconds before we hit the brawling again. Lane’s karate was always cool. The heels beat on Rogers for awhile in textbook fashion. They should be able to anyway since they were half of the guys that made up the modern tag formula.

He gets thrown to the floor and Eaton hits a bulldog on a table. This is an incredibly brutal match. Rogers is pretty much dead at this point and can barely stand but he keeps going. He makes a tag but the referee doesn’t see it. Fulton is like FORGET THAT and throws the referee out. The Rocket Launcher (Assisted top rope splash, the finisher of the Fantastics and later stolen by the Midnights) ends it. And then the original referee says no as it’s a DQ due to Fulton throwing the referee. Say it with me: DUSTY FINISH. The heels and Cornette beat the heck out of Rogers afterwards.

Rating: B+. Very entertaining match here, but too short for my taste. This got about ten minutes and after a three minute brawl, seven minutes just feels too short. You give this another five minutes or so and it goes way up, possibly to near A+ levels. They never stop moving here and it’s just flat out entertaining. Very, very good match. The Fantastics would get the belts about a month later.

Ken Osmond, the guy that played Eddie Haskell on Leave it to Beaver, is here and talks to Cornette. Comedy ensues.

Gary Hart and Al Perez issue a challenge to Dusty Rhodes for the US Title.

We get the top ten seeds for the Crockett Cup. We’ll have to do that someday.

10. Ivan Koloff/Dick Murdoch
9. Sting/Ron Garvin
8. Varsity Club
7. Fantastics
6. Barry Windham/Lex Luger
5. Powers of Pain
4. Midnight Express
3. Road Warriors
2. Nikita Koloff/Dusty Rhodes
1. Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard

Shockingly, Dusty would win the cup. Yeah imagine that: the booker and US Champion gets another trophy for himself.

Road Warriors/Dusty Rhodes vs. Powers of Pain/Ivan Koloff

There’s barbed wire between the ropes and Animal has a mask on his face because of an injury. Animal had been doing bench presses and the heels jumped him, hurting his face. The fans are one sided to say the least. The one thing they haven’t told us is how the guys get in the ring now that there is barbed wire set up around the ropes. Ah the crawl under. Well that was anticlimactic.

Animal is in a hockey mask due to face injuries. A grand total of nothing is going on here. No one is going near the barbed wire and it’s a bunch of punching and people doing their normal stuff. Hawk goes up for a punch from the top to really mix things up a bit. Tony points out how tired everyone is which is true and is quite sad really. Animal gets a powerslam on Warlord for two and then Barbarian misses a headbutt on Animal, hitting Warlord which lets Hawk get the pin. The heels beat down Animal after the match until Dusty makes the save. Well who else was going to do it?

Rating: D. Boring stuff here but just three and a half minutes or so. This feud never really went anywhere but it’s not like there was any substance to it anyway. At least this was short so that’s really all that matters. Dusty was just worthless in the ring at this point so he gave himself the US Title anyway.

There’s a new NWA show coming up and it meant nothing.

Nikita Koloff, in a suit, says he’s a new Russian and says he’s against drugs now. What the heck am I watching? He yells about Kevin Sullivan and says he’s going to win the world title.

Tag Titles: Barry Windham/Lex Luger vs. Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard

Luger is still fairly green here so I wouldn’t expect much out of him here. Blanchard is in the Rack in less than a minute so you can tell this is going to be a fun one. The champions have made three tags less than two minutes in. Windham comes in as the crowd is red hot here. In a dumb camera move Windham hits a big powerslam and covers but at two we jump to a shot of Dillon for no apparent reason.

Windham puts Blanchard to sleep on the floor. This is an incredibly fast paced match. Anderson gets the DDT and this is going too fast for me to type. The spinebuster hits Windham before it has a name. Windham hits a gutwrench suplex on Blanchard and both are down, marking the first time in the whole match where nothing is going on. Not bad for six minutes in.

Slingshot Suplex gets two on Windham and Blanchard is STUNNED. We’re waiting on the hot tag to Luger and there it is. The Package cleans house and Tony is losing his mind off of this. Dillon gets a chair for Arn but Luger reverses to send Anderson into it for the pin and the titles. The crowd ERUPTS over this as the Horsemen finally lost the belts, which was something people had been begging for since the day they won them, an agonizing six months ago. JR’s completely over the top announcing just makes it all the sweeter.

Rating: A-. This match is just shy of ten minutes and at most there are 30 seconds where something isn’t happening. I don’t even remember the cruiserweights going this fast during the Nitro shows. The idea here was do something completely different here which they did: no one went this fast at this time, at least no one major and it worked. I know it sounds really basic and it is but the fans HATED the Horsemen and were dying to see them lose the belts.

They had made a habit out of cheating or winning by DQ so many times that the fans were furious at them, so to see someone actually get the win, especially Luger who was kicked out like six weeks ago, was just a massive orgasm moment for everyone. And then Windham turned on Luger in a legit shock to join the Horsemen and make them into the unit that is considered the A-Team of the Horsemen if you can imagine that.

There are judges for the main event. There MUST be a winner. Remember that. The judges are Sandy Scott (former wrestler), Patty Mullin (Penthouse Pet), Ken Osmond (Leave it to Beaver) and Jason Hearvey (Wonder Years). Yeah I’m sure this isn’t going to go badly at all. There are four judges. No one saw a problem with this at all.

NWA World Title: Sting vs. Ric Flair

Sting is BRAND new at this point so this should be little more than a glorified squash. Flair’s entrance is nothing short of epic. Dillon, Flair’s manager, is in a cage at ringside. This would be like Evan Bourne getting a title shot. Ok maybe not that low but somewhere between him and Kingston. This is a legendary match but not for the in ring stuff. There we go.

We start with a lot of basic stuff as you would expect. You can get away with a lot of stuff like this with a long time limit like they have to work with. We hear about Flair’s strength which is definitely not something you hear about on a regular basis. Sting dominates early so Flair bails like a good heel. There’s a lot of arm work going on in there which is a basic tactic that works well enough. Sting busts out a flying headscissors which isn’t something you see every day from him. We’re five minutes in and nothing of note has happened.

Tony tells us that if the match ends early we have some standby matches ready, one of which is Shane Douglas vs. Larry Zbyszko for the Western States Title. A title match is a standby match. Does that just sound odd to anyone else? Now of course those matches were never going to happen, but still it makes the belt sound even weaker than it already was. Sting STILL has that headlock on. Well there’s something going on at least….kind of.

Sting’s chest is bleeding from Flair’s chops. There’s headlock #4. Again thought hey have a lot of time left in this. The idea here makes sense though as Sting is young and nervous so he found something that works and he’s sticking with it. He’s trying to get a bunch of little victories where he can, such as a headlock like this. He’s won that battle so he can go from there. That’s probably looking into it too much but I love Sting so I’ll grasp at straws, especially when they come close to making sense.

He uses the headlock one more time as this is starting to get boring with nothing else going on. We look at the Penthouse Pet and Ross says she’s likely used to seeing action. Well ok then JR. We hit ten minutes and it’s the same situation as it was at five minutes past. Sting’s offense is shall we say limited. He hooks a bearhug which is a weird move for a face to use the majority of the time.

Well to be fair though the Scorpion works on the back so there’s a thought there. Fifteen minutes in and Sting has him on the mat in a bearhug which isn’t something you see every day but it works at least. Sting lets him go and is all fired up. The jumping elbow of course misses to get us back to even. Flair hasn’t controlled at all in fifteen minutes so far. And of course that changes just after I type that.

He works on Sting’s back for some reason instead of the legs, but I guess it could be because it slows Sting down. We’re twenty minutes in now as I think we’re speeding up the clock here. Either that or this is a rather uninteresting match. It’s not terrible or anything but there isn’t much going on here. Sting Hulks Up and the crowd wakes up with him. Ross loses his mind over this as I don’t think we’ve had any commercials in this match.

Sting goes for a Stinger’s Splash against the post and just guess how that goes for him. You would think a face would learn over time but apparently not. Flair goes to the wrist but Sting nips up in a cool move. He gets the Scorpion but Flair is in the ropes almost immediately as we have 20 minutes to go. Flair fakes Sting out of his shoes and puts him on the floor again. That looked great.

The idea here is that Flair can’t put Sting away as he just keeps coming back but Sting can’t finish Flair since all he has is the Scorpion. Ah and now we go for Sting’s knees. Now that’s more like it. The judges look at something completely different, showing how brilliant of an idea this was. We’re down to fifteen left. Figure Four goes on and Sting is in real trouble as it’s in the middle of the ring.

After being in it for like a minute and a half Sting turns it over to a very shocked reaction. Both guys have bad knees now so of course Sting is able to do a delayed vertical suplex on a 240lb man. We go abdominal stretch of all things over thirty minutes into a match. Well this is old school so that’s fine I guess. Ten minutes to go. Even after thirty five minutes Flair can’t get the top rope whatever. You have to call it that since there’s almost no way to know what it would be.

Sting hooks a Figure Four on Flair but since he’s not Jay Lethal it doesn’t work. They’re doing a lot of basic stuff here but extending it out to kill time. It’s working though so it’s not so bad. Nature Boy tries to get disqualified and that gets him nowhere. The fans are way into it now as things have cranked up a lot. Sting throws Flair over the judges’ table in a good looking spot.

We have five minutes left and Flair is reeling. You can see the ending coming a mile away but it’s still good stuff. Four minutes left and Sting no sells an atomic drop, apparently having balls of steel. The Splash misses though and Sting crashes to the floor. Three minutes left and they slow things down. Two minutes left and Sting gets a two count off a sunset flip.

I love how Sting no sells chops. He’s all like BRING IT ON BLONDIE as we hit one minute. The Splash hits and he gets the Scorpion with thirty seconds left. Just like Shawn in the Iron Man match, Flair doesn’t give up in the same hold. The time limit expires so we’re going to go to the judges. Sting controlled longer and likely did win the match if you go on a scoring system.

After a break for the judges to tally their scores, we get the results. The Penthouse chick says Flair. Some guy that hasn’t been mentioned at all yet says Sting. Hervey says Sting. Leave it to Beaver dude says Flair. The wrestler says it’s a draw, so Flair keeps the belt.

Rating: B. Well it’s long and solid but far from a classic. This was meant to do one thing though and that was get Sting over. To say that worked is an understatement. This is the definition of a match where even though he lost the guy got elevated a lot. This match flies by and is definitely worth checking out. Flair vs. Sting is a match that was always at least worth watching and this was one of their better ones. Coupling that as something historic and it’s easily recommended.

Overall Rating: B+. This is definitely a more fun show than Mania was. Everything has a purpose and it’s only about two hours long. With a great tag match and a very solid main event, how can you go wrong? The Mania numbers were higher than Mania 3 though so it’s not like this made a huge difference. Crockett was in trouble though as soon after this he was more or less broke and sold to Turner. Anyway though this was a great show and well worth checking out.

Impact
Date: March 3, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re finally to the big night for TNA where we’re out of the Impact Zone for the first time in years.  Tonight we have the revelation of the 3-3-11 video (I wonder if the fans there will be confused by it as the show was taped while Impact was aired last week), the final verdict in the Dixie vs. Hogan court case and the renewal of the wedding vows of the Jarretts.  Let’s get to it.

We open with Dixie looking very sad.  After thanking the fans for their support, she says things didn’t go the way she planned in the court case and here’s Immortal.  Bischoff more or less says hit the bricks but that he respects her.  He says she has a massive set of guts for being a woman in a man’s sport.  Flair says that if she had slept with him back in Orlando none of this would have happened.  He says it’s about money and power and whoever has the most wins.  Here’s Hulk for the first time in I think 14 weeks?

Hogan says he was in court earlier today and he now controls all of TNA.  Ok so now can we do something other than a power struggle?  Dixie gets fired to no one’s shock.  The place looks far better than the Impact Zone.  Dixie starts crying as Hulk says he and Eric used her to get back on top of the wrestling business.  She supplies the money and that’s it apparently.  So what was the point in firing her then?  Hogan does a freaky country accent when he says he’s about to take her dignity.

Dixie tries to say that the fans can do something about this which isn’t really clear.  After Hogan earlier said she was fired, Hogan says it’s him and her running TNA now.  Cue Fourtune with AJ saying they like doing it the hard way.  He says there’s a woman in the ring and she brought them there.  The arena looks kind of like the final days of Nitro but with the tron videos instead of the WCW logo on the big screen.

Roode says Hogan was his idol but now he’s let Roode down.  Flair says he and Hogan are friends but Roode cuts him off.  Flair keeps talking anyway.  Fourtune storms the ring but security stops them as we go to a break.

Back with Immortal celebrating in the back and Hogan introduces them to Bart Scott, a member of the New York Jets.  Scott and Matt go somewhere.  Neither of the Jeffs have been seen so far.  Matt and Bart run into Dixie who is with Fourtune and they shout stuff at her while Dixie runs.  Kaz and AJ get in a fight with them as I guess Immortal went somewhere else.  Security breaks it up.  While this is going on the Jarretts show up and walk between the brawling guys.

Here’s a video recapping the Jarretts vs. Angle which is finally done tonight.  Tonight Kurt walks Karen down the aisle for the renewal of the Jarretts’ wedding vows.

Back with Bischoff telling Hogan that Jeff Hardy has to defend the title tonight but the network won’t tell him the opponent.  Hogan says they’ll be ready.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Gunner/Murphy

 

Amazing how much better Gunner and Murphy look in actual tights.  I actually buy them as challengers….kind of.  Storm has the stupid Boozer Cruiser back again.  The ring looks smaller than usual.  Gunner/Murphy jump the champions to start but Storm fights out of it and hits a Codebreaker to I think Gunner.  Off to Roode who gets a nice pop.  He cleans house as this arena looks and feels a lot better than the Impact Zone already.  Spinebuster gets two on Gunner but Murphy kicks Roode’s head off.  After some heel miscommunication, Beer Money hits DWI on Gunner to end this at 3:07.

Rating: C-. Well Gunner and Murphy didn’t look quite like jobbers here.  They looked even lower than that somehow.  This was just a workout for Beer Money as no one bought Gunner/Murphy as legit challengers.  This was no challenge at all with no drama.  Pretty weak match but at least the champions looked strong.

Ink Inc comes out post match and say they want a title match.  Moore says DILLIGAF means do I look like I give a, and here he throws it to the crowd, and it’s censored.  That was a bit odd but whatever.  Beer Money accepts the challenge and apparently it’s at the PPV.

The Jarretts are ready and Young pops up in a tuxedo t-shirt and wants to be the best man.  He’s turned down and wants to be the maid of honor, flower girl or ring bearer.  Apparently the last one is accepted.

Some Jersey Shore chick is here.

Kurt is here with his son.

Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

 

I’m pretty sure Sarita swore she would be here alone but Rosita is there too.  If Velvet loses she’s gone.  No sexy entrance for the Beautiful People to lower this match already.  Velvet pulls Sarita by the hair and takes her down with a clothesline.  Belly to back is reversed by Sky for two.  Dropkick by Saita misses and Velvet gets an armdrag.  Rosita tries to come in and Angelina makes the save.  They both get thrown out and it’s one on one.

Sarita takes over with some knees to the back and then dances a bit.  After Tenay plugs a new Spike TV show, Sarita tries a Pedigree or something like one but Velvet reversed into a DDT for the pin at 2:00.  No rating due to the shortness but at least that ends it clean once and for all.

Post match Cookie and Robbie E come out with the other Jersey Shore chick: Angelina.  This is about J-Woww, the other Jersey Short chick that was here.  Jersey Angelina says she wants J-Woww there and wants the Beautiful People to tell her.  Velvet says do it yourself and turns to leave.  Catfight of course breaks out and Sarita helps in the beatdown.  Angelina Love says there will be a six way next week, so the Jersey Shore chick is fighting.  No clue if the Beautiful People will have J-Woww or likely Winter with them.

Back with Anderson saying he’ll get his title back and that he is ratings.  He sounds very, very drunk.

Eric says that he’s the ring bearer and Orlando is flower girl.  Eric says that Jordan stole Karen’s ring which is in his nose.  The ring is actually in Eric’s shoe.  Uh…yeah.

Jeff Jarrett is in the bathroom getting ready and they have a ten foot tall wedding cake.  Flair comes in to talk about the honeymoon.  Jeff has a big honeymoon plan and they’re going to Orlando to take the family to the Harry Potter park.  I want to go!  Flair says he’s an idiot.

Kurt is taping his fists and his son leaves with a production guy.  The wedding is next.

Back with Hogan talking on the phone to someone in Paris.  I think it’s the network people.  Yeah it is as Hogan is complaining about not knowing the opponent as he wants Anderson.  Hogan says he doesn’t like the idea of surprises = ratings.  He agrees to whatever the network guy says and hangs up, clearly annoyed.

Time for the wedding.  Eric Young is the ring bearer and Orlando Jordan is the flower girl.  Jeff comes out thankfully not to his theme music.  Tazz keeps calling Karen by the name Karen Angle.  And of course here’s Kurt and the brawl is on.  Jeff almost goes into the definitely not ten foot cake.  Kurt hits a clothesline and here’s Karen.  She slaps Kurt and goes into the cake.  Angle’s music plays it out.  This whole thing might have lasted two and a half minutes.

Hogan is in the back with Jeff Hardy and Hogan says no more ladder matches.  That’s something they can control.  What they can’t control is that Jeff is labeled as a fighting champion and he has to fight tonight.  Jeff doesn’t like not knowing his opponent.  Hogan blames the ratings for the problem.  He says Jeff is like a son to him and gives him a pep talk.  Jeff says he’ll do it and we go to a break.

The Jarretts are all ticked off and yell at Flair and Bischoff.  Even Flair is scared of her.  Eric says the wedding will still take place while Karen screams.  Hogan pops up and asks if Eric knows who’s coming from the Network but they might have an idea.  They don’t say a name though.  Flair is sent to take care of the wedding thing.

Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner

 

Oh this could be bad.  During Terry’s entrance we get a clip of him jumping Steiner last week during the posedown.  Scott dominates to start and sends Terry to the floor.  Steiner goes into the post with both his face and his back.  Powerslam by Terry gets two.  Steiner gets a boot up and a belly to belly to set up a Downward Spiral.  Steiner Line puts him down again.  There’s the elbow and the pushups.  Angle Slam from the middle rope sets up the Recliner and it’s over at 3:15.

Rating: C. Considering who was in here this was a near miracle.  Steiner more or less did a greatest hits collection here minus the Frankensteiner.  That’s probably the best thing they could do as Steiner is the far more talented guy out there.  Not nearly as terrible as it could have been but that’s because they kept it short.

Flair and Bart Scott go up to Angle in the locker room and apparently Bart is going to be the enforcer for the wedding.

Some MMA guy (I don’t follow MMA so I only vaguely know what Bellator is) is here for commentary on this match.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

 

Hernandez jumps him quickly but Morgan takes him down.  The MMA guy has energy if nothing else.  I don’t have a problem with guest commentators that aren’t wrestling guys as long as they sound like they want to be there, which he does.  Hernandez tries to leave so Morgan grabs him and brings him back in.

Hernandez blocks a side slam and tries the shirt throw.  Morgan blocks and Hernandez goes flying.  That looked great.  Hernandez takes a clothesline to take him to the floor.  Out to the floor and Hernandez suckers him into the stairs to take over.  Morgan gets rammed in again and again and Hebner throws it out at 4:30 for the longest match of the night so far.

Rating: D. Weak match here that really didn’t solve anything.  They’ll keep feuding and likely have the match at Victory Road.  Not interesting in the slightest and it was sloppy on top of that.  Also that commentator was trying but he was out of his element, which is understandable.

Hogan more or less cuts a promo on some guy on the phone, demanding to know the opponent.  Anderson comes in and is told he doesn’t get his shot again.  Hogan is upset about not knowing what happens to Immortal after this.  Anderson doesn’t seem to care.  Hogan has to stop to put on a back brace.  That’s like the ending to a bad joke.   Anderson says Hogan disgusts him now.  Hogan says let him know when he slams a 700lb giant.  Good line.

Now we get a preview for the new Spike show.

Time for wedding #2.  Young it still wedding bearer and Jordan is still flower girl.  Jeff doesn’t have a coat on this time.  Kurt walks Karen down the aisle.  He’s smiling and Karen seems to still have cake on her face.  Kurt is all happy here and it’s rather amusing.  No Bart Scott in sight.  The fans boo at the or forever hold your piece line.  They both say I will and all that jazz.  The minister asks the fans if they’ll support the Jarretts.  Take a guess how that goes over.

Now we get to hear CUSTOM vows.  We’ve had a combined 12 minutes of wrestling and we’re getting custom vows.  Wow indeed.  Jeff says he’s long winded and would be nervous so he wrote his out.  He runs down Kurt the whole time and Kurt just keeps smiling away.  He’s looking over Jeff’s shoulder and it’s rather creepy.  Karen is the wind beneath his wings.

Karen says Jeff is a real man and the princess is taken care of.  Oh and Kurt didn’t screw her enough apparently.  Jeff completes her.  The minister announces them as husband and wife through the power vested in him by the department of motor vehicles.  The unintentional comedy is helping here.  They actually get through the kissing of the bride, so Kurt busts out an axe and starts hacking the set to pieces, all with that creepy grin on his face.  That was kind of awesome.

Bischoff sends out Bart Scott.  Yes send your celebrity out to the CRAZY MAN WITH AN AXE!  Surprisingly enough they go at it and Kurt grabs the ankle lock and cranks on it.  Didn’t expect that.  Segment went WAY too long but the ending helped it a lot.

Hardy says he’s ready.

Some feet get out of a limo.  Yeah that hasn’t been done recently either.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. ???

 

Ok so this is the announcement that’s going to CHANGE WRESTLING FOREVER!  It’s 11pm and the opponent is…..Sting.  HAHA WWE couldn’t do it so TNA can.  Yes Eric you’re very cute.  Sting is winning the title tonight isn’t he?  And Sting is in sequins.  There’s red in his paint though so I guess this is a bit different now?  He has red sequins on his legs and crotch but points for the actual ring jacket/robe instead of a big trenchcoat.

Taz flat out says this was about where Sting would wind up so yes this is yet again shifting the entire main event around for a shot at WWE.  Sting goes right for him and Hardy bails.  Back in and Hardy beats Sting down with three shots.  COME ON HERO (ten points to whoever knows what I’m referencing).  Hardy can’t get a suplex and there’s the Scorpion already but Jeff is on his hands.  Sting looks like he’s ordering dinner.

A rope is grabbed and we head to the aisle.  Suplex by Sting on the ramp as it’s more or less all Sting here.  Sting (of course) misses the splash on the railing and we hit the chinlock back in the ring.  That gets him nowhere as Sting thumps his chest and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for two.  Whisper in the Wind is crotched and Sting gets another Death Drop from the ropes.  Another gets the pin and the title at 6:15 for the longest match of the night by far.

Rating: C-. So let me get this straight.  Anderson had a rematch clause, won a #1 contender’s match last week, and Sting wins the title here, likely owing Jeff a rematch now?  In other words, we now have no reason to ever buy a #1 contender match again right?  The surprise is good and the match was just a main event WWE style brawl from the late 90s.  It wasn’t terrible but the booking is a BIG question mark for me.  Not terrible though.

Big celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well this one was hard.  There were good and bad things here for sure.  First of all, the arena looked great and there’s definitely an energy about being out of the Impact Zone.  A lot of stuff was taken care of tonight and we moved forward on some stuff.  The bad stuff however though was there too and I think was more prevalent.

First of all, the wedding was way too long and ate up too much time.  Coupling that with about 20 minutes of wrestling, this was another talking heavy show which is getting old.  I’m getting fed up with a bunch of 3 minute matches and a ten minute main event.  Also the Sting title win makes the whole main event scene all turned around again, but it does set up Victory Road…kind of.  Either way, this wasn’t bad and was definitely better than Raw this week.

Results

Beer Money b. Gunner/Murphy – DWI to Gunner

Velvet Sky b. Sarita – DDT

Scott Steiner b. Rob Terry – Steiner Recliner

Matt Morgan b. Hernandez via DQ when Hernandez rammed Morgan into the stairs multiple times

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Starrcade 1997
Date: December 28, 1997
Location: MCI Center, Washington, D.C.
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes, Mike Tenay

This is a show that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time so instead of just sitting around waiting to get there, I’m doing it because I feel like it. I’ve long since argued and I’ll forever argue that this is the show that ultimately ended WCW. At this point, WWF had nothing on WCW and everyone knew it. Austin was fast on the rise, but no one was watching.

For 18 months WCW had built up to this one show. The NWO had dominated and in particular Hogan had been virtually unbeatable. Tonight was WCW’s night. Tonight was WCW’s chance for revenge as they would win back everything and Sting would make his long awaited return to the ring and win the world title from Hogan. Let’s get to how they managed to blow the biggest lead in wrestling history and allow themselves to be mortally wounded to the point where they could never recover.

Also, this is going to be commentary heavy, so if you’re not a fan of me going on rants and putting a lot of my opinion into things, you might not want to read this one.

Just to give you a bit of backstory and context here, WCW was at its absolute peak. This show drew a 1.9 buyrate, which is completely insane for PPV of any kind. They had come up with a second show called Thunder which would debut in I think eleven days, a year and 8 months before Smackdown became a regular show. Nitro also hadn’t lost in the ratings for a little over a year at this point, so to say WCW was dominating would be an understatement.

The opening video is one of my all time favorites as we see shadows of Hogan’s dominance and then Sting watching down at him the entire time. Sting rises up but you can barely see him as he’s all covered in rain and shadows. They’re in the ruins of some building which I guess could be used as an allegory for WCW being ruined but then again I might be looking too much into this. The arena looks great and Tony’s hype is absolutely right here. He claims over 24,000 people but I can’t find an estimate over 18,000. We immediately hear about the referee being a controversy, which should make everyone realize that this isn’t going to end well.

A bunch of WCW guys are in the audience to see the show. I like that actually. It also does well to show us who isn’t good enough to get on the biggest show of the year, such as Rey, Harlem Heat and Disco Inferno. Dusty goes on a rant about horses or something but gets cut off. Oh and Kevin Nash isn’t here for the 2nd biggest match on the card. No reason was ever given other than he didn’t want to lose so he didn’t show up. He was never punished or anything and the match just isn’t going to happen.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Eddie Guerrero

Dean is VERY popular here and was just totally awesome at this point having won the fan poll this year as the best wrestler in the world. That’s saying a lot. This is the first event at the arena which is brand new. This should be awesome. This feels like a huge show like it should. Crowd is WHITE hot too. Surprisingly enough Dean starts by just throwing punches and Eddie is in trouble early on. The crowd is all over Eddie and once he gets powerbombed the fans cheer so loudly you can’t hear Dusty.

I can’t get over these fans being this hot. They’re cheering for very basic stuff. That’s a very great sign as we have a standoff between the two guys. Dean dominates and sends Eddie to the outside. Tony: “Eddie being on the outside like this makes me think of the Outsiders and how Kevin Nash isn’t here tonight.” WOW. That’s the kind of commentary I have to deal with here. It was like that for about three years straight.

Mike suggests that working on Malenko’s legs would negate the Cloverleaf. Wouldn’t that be the arms actually? Tony goes back to Nash and Hogan/Sting just to make sure we don’t leave during the PPV I guess. I’ve always hated this. The fans chant USA for two American guys. I guess they like them both. Dean launches Eddie WAY into the air, prompting Dusty to stop talking about the Hogan/Sting referee for a full half second. Eddie kisses Dean’s foot to prevent being beaten so he gets a dropkick for his efforts.

Dean wins a test of strength and gets Eddie’s hands all the way to the mat and then stomps on him. Then he kicks Eddie in the face. I love that move. When all else fails, KICK THEM IN THE FREAKING FACE! Eddie gets it to the floor and works on Dean’s knee with the post and the steps. He gets a nice powerbomb as we continue to ignore the action in the ring which is a good match so far.

Both guys go for top rope moves at the same time in a weird spot but neither gets it. Dean has a sweet powerbomb. Cloverleak is blocked because of the bad knee. A missile dropkick to the knee sets up the Frog Splash onto the knee for the pin to retain. Sweet blessed psychology there but uh, yeah the crowd being white hot for Malenko should have been a hint for that. Great match though.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here as there was psychology throughout and both guys worked very hard out there. Dean was nothing short of divine in 97 and this was a great way to cap off the year, even though e didn’t get the title. These two never were able to have a bad match and this was one of their better ones ever. I loved this and would love to see more of them fighting.

Oddly enough I can’t find a review of this that’s anywhere above average. Really? I loved it.

And here’s Scott Hall. He has a tag title belt on him but the Steiners are the champions at this point I believe. Ah yes they were. Hall says that they’re taking a survey and the crowd is NWO so of course Tony says it was WCW. Hall says that Nash isn’t here tonight and that we need a referee so that Giant can be declared the winner.

Giant of course comes up behind him and (wearing a ponytail of all things) says Nash can’t run forever and he’ll get his chance eventually. That’s true as he would get his match the next month and Nash would botch a jackknife on him and mess up his neck for awhile. Hall punches him a bit and then gets his head kicked in for his trouble. Giant Jackknifes him and leaves. Yeah this wasn’t a match for some reason. No reason was ever given for it but whatever.

So the real story is that Giant was supposed to go over Nash and Nash kept saying there was no way he’d do it. On the day of the show he called up and said he was having a heart attack. Everyone laughed when they heard the news. What does that tell you about this? Naturally he was fine the next night and was never punished. Things like that are what hurt WCW later as there was no discipline at all and no one cared.

Vincent/Scott Norton/Konnan Vs. Steiner Brothers/Ray Traylor

There’s no Konnan for some reason. The Steiners are the tag champions and managed by DiBiase. Traylor was the first guy the NWO had jumped so he later joined them. They threw him out and he had been trying to get revenge since. Scott would join the NWO in like two months anyway so this didn’t mean much. The replacement is Randy Savage, making the ending of this pretty obvious.

His entrance takes forever as he gets in an argument with the WCW guys who are taking up front row seats all over the ringside area. Randy vs. Scott Steiner start us off which would be a dream match three years later. And hey we stall some more. Savage lays on the rope as we’ve had a tie up over the course of the first two minutes here. Oh look it’s Vincent on the biggest show of the year.

Norton hits a Samoan Drop on the other Scott as Steiner is getting dominated here. The faces send them running and the NWO is in trouble. Rick vs. Norton gives us something interesting as the power of Norton is pretty awesome. And now we have Vincent vs. Big Boss Man on the biggest show of 1997. Why am I watching this again? Scott comes in and I get to see the spinning belly to belly that I use on No Mercy and Wrestlemania 2000. The crowd is virtually dead here by the way.

We hear about how great Vincent is as I shake my head at how much they push these jobbers at times. There is no heat for this match at all, meaning of course they give it even more time than they should have. Rick comes in off the should be hot tag to clean some trailer. Vincent takes their top rope DDT to end….nothing. Oh I don’t like where this is going.

Frankensteiner continues his slaughtering but Savage makes the save. Scott destroys the NWO as his singles push continues. Norton grabs him and hits an electric chair so Savage can hit the elbow to an ERUPTION to give the NWO the lead so far. So yeah the tag champions jobbed to Vincent and Scott Norton. That’s ok though as it was a six man so him getting pinned clean means nothing right?

Rating: D. Oh this was boring. Vincent and Scott Norton got the majority of the heel ring time and it was all downhill from there. This was an awful match and nothing ever came from it at all. The Steiners jobbing is DUMB as it’s not like the heels gain anything from winning. So in other words we’re over fifty minutes into this show and the high point for the faces is a chokeslam on a replacement in a non-match.

James J. Dillon, the commissioner or whatever comes out and announces Nick Patrick as the referee. And there ends WCW’s run on top, but we’ll get to that later on. Gene says String returns tonight as we’re in arts and crafts class now I suppose.

Bill Goldberg vs. Steve McMichael

Goldberg is a heel here and means nothing at all. He has the music and the finishers but other than that he’s got nothing. Anyone he beats at this point is pretty much a surprise here, but in less than seven months a lot would change as he would beat Hogan for the title. This feud is over a Super Bowl Ring I think. They go at it in the aisle and the fans love it. Ok just stretch with me on this one.

In a slightly funny moment Goldberg just lifts him up and carries him to the ring. Hey we have a bell! There’s a table set up at ringside. Sweet goodness Mongo was terrible. We hear the football careers and Dusty of course insists Mongo is better and that the SEC isn’t real football. Oh that’s amusing. Goldberg gets a leg lock and sweet goodness Mongo is awful at selling at this point.

Some fans seem to get into a fight at ringside which is the more interesting thing here. Spear hits but means nothing at this point. Goldberg sets a table at ringside which goes nowhere so far. The more famous of these two busts out a decent dropkick and Mongo is in trouble again. He goes through the table in something completely boring and uneventful.

There’s that ECW chant again. Tombstone doesn’t work because of his back hurting and the Jackhammer ends it. Hey we’re only an hour in so far without a face winning. That doesn’t mean anything as the main events are all that matter right? It’s still amazing to think what Goldberg would become in just a few months.

Rating: D. Another boring match here as Mongo was just AWFUL. He never did get any good and rightfully became the jobber that he should have been. His career was about over at this point and no one cared. He was put into the college football hall of fame recently so to get as far as he did is saying something I guess, although I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Raven is here for his match vs. Benoit.

Chris Benoit vs. Raven

Raven has been ducking Benoit forever and this is where they finally have their showdown. Raven says he’s not wrestling tonight so Saturn is taking his place. That’s false advertisement number two.

Perry Saturn vs. Chris Benoit

And the Radicalz explode AGAIN! Saturn is just a tough guy here and more or less completely insane. I love that simple vest Benoit wore. That was always awesome. Benoit gets a mic and…..yeah he should go with the silent but violent thing. This is under Raven’s Rules so more or less anything goes here. Saturn has some hair here and to say it looks weird is an understatement.

The Flock comes over the railing and that goes nowhere at all. Even Sick Boy (how awesome of a name is that) is here. Kidman throws in a Shooting Star to put Benoit in trouble. Saturn mostly hits a nice moonsault and it’s all the less famous one. The genius fans chant USA. Maybe they just like Saturn better? The fans look up at something else which has to be a record for the most times in such a little span of time.

Dang Raven looks like garbage. I think that’s just how he always looks. We hit the floor and Benoit gets a Crossface out of nowhere but the Flock jumps him. It’s Raven’s Rules though so this is all fine and dandy. HUGE diving headbutt hits and the Flock runs in again. Raven comes in but more interference causes Benoit to take a DDT. Rings of Saturn and it’s over. Benoit vs. Raven would be at Souled Out and would be a solid brawl.

Rating: C-. Kind of slow but the violence helped it a lot here. This was more to set up Benoit vs. Raven….which should have happened here at the BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR but whatever. This was something that happened more than once I thought so of course we just do it again at the equivalent of Mania. This was a decent enough match though.

Buff Bagwell vs. Lex Luger

This is more or less a grudge match and remember that Luger was WORLD CHAMPION four months ago. Bagwell has beaten him three times in a row apparently. So you remember that white hot crowd that you could have fried an egg on to start the show? It’s long gone and has been placed by this….whatever. Tony reminds us that Luger was world champion earlier this year.

Bagwell’s facial hair looks like it’s painted on. Bret Hart gets his SECOND reference of the night so far as he’s the former WWF Champion (Montreal was maybe 6 weeks before this) and he’s a referee tonight. Yeah….no room on the card for him when we have VINCENT BABY! We begin making Montreal allusions which should be a telling sign.

Luger beats him up for awhile and puts him on the floor. Bagwell gets Vincent to come back down as we get our second appearance by this guy which is about two too many. He gets rammed into the post and doesn’t come within a foot of it. Wow that looked awful. We talk about Sting vs. Hogan for the 983rd time so far just to mix things up a bit. More interference causes Bagwell to take over again.

By the way we are now an hour and a half into this show and no face has won all night and the NWO is undefeated so far. We hit the chinlock just to waste some time. When I say some time that apparently means about three straight minutes. Make that five minutes. My goodness I know these guys aren’t the best in the world but this is ridiculous.

Luger makes his standard comeback and calls for the Rack. Instead of course he hits an atomic drop. Vincent comes in again but Luger beats the heck out of him. Bagwell rams Luger into the referee and say it with me: there’s no referee for the Rack. Savage runs in and gets racked too. Now Norton runs out and hits Luger with a chain and Bagwell gets the pin.

There’s an hour to go in this tape and the NWO is undefeated and the faces haven’t won a single match. There would be a rematch the next night where Luger would freaking massacre him. That of course couldn’t happen here though. Finally, THIS is the longest match of the show at just under 17 minutes. Liz comes down to check on Savage.

Rating: F+. Buff Bagwell vs. Lex Luger went 17 minutes. Add in the idiotic booking and too much Vincent and of course this is awful on a stick. Just a boring match too with a 5 minute chinlock. This was supposed to be Buff’s big match to make him a big deal, but taking three guys and getting crushed the next night kind of makes that pointless so whatever.

US Title: Curt Hennig vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Hennig turned NWO at Fall Brawl after slamming Flair’s head in a cage door. Everyone has wanted to kill him since. He had been DDP’s mystery partner at a PPV and had kind of turned on him there too. Page stole the belt last night but had to give it back off camera, making that entirely pointless too. Page is ridiculously popular here and possibly the second biggest face in the company. He’s also a lot better in the ring now too after a ton of practice and a great series with Savage earlier in the year.

Page gets a rollup like 4 seconds in for two. Page dominates early as Hennig runs. We’re told DDP has never held a major title, meaning the TV Title means nothing and must be a minor title. I’ve always wanted one of those. Page likes headlocks a lot. Dusty suggests starting the Sting World Order. Oh my head hurts. Dusty: “I haven’t seen any titles change hands on the outside. Except where falls count anywhere.”

The fans chant USA, likely because their boredom has brought them to that point. We hit a chinlock and the fans decide this is boring. I can’t say I disagree here at all either. Page hits a plancha after a lot of punches. We’re going into the crowd which actually cares a bit here after nearly 2 hours. Diamond Cutter is blocked and the fans are cheering for it like Orton gets cheered for the RKO.

We do a bunch of near falls for no apparent reason which gets us nowhere. And out of nowhere the Diamond Cutter ends this. With 45 minutes left in the show, WCW wins its first match and the faces win their first match. The fans pop loudly for it, but the ending came a bit flat.

Rating: D+. Not great but again this could have been SO much better. For one thing, the match should have been Flair and not DDP. There were a lot of dead spots here and those are what really bring this one down. DDP would hold the title for about four months so at least he got a solid reign out of it. I still can’t get over how long it’s taken to get a win for the fans here.

Bret Hart is here. There’s no pyro, no special entrance, no special announcement, no anything like that. He just showed up and is the referee for the next match. I can’t imagine a lot of people will ever get what they were thinking with Bret.

Eric Bischoff vs. Larry Zbyszko

If Eric wins, the NWO gets Nitro and if Larry wins he gets Hall at Souled Out. Eric booked himself into the second main event at the biggest show of the year. There was an NWO Nitro on Monday where the show just went down the drain as it took about 20 minutes to set up the NWO stage. The ratings switched incredibly fast and it was great.

Larry gets a nice pop and comes out to the Nitro theme. This match was reaired for free on the debut Thunder so I’ve done it before but in a different context. Ok so the show has been horrible so far other than the opener but we have 40 minutes left and the two matches that mean anything to go. For the final rating I’m going to put next to zero stock in the first match as the final match is probably about 99% of this show’s importance and value.

Bret even checks them both for hidden objects. Fans are ENTIRELY behind Larry here. Larry looks in decent shape and had just turned 44 earlier in the month. They even call this mixed martial arts. Oh give me a break. Bischoff, a karate guy, keeps trying to land kicks and Larry keeps trying to grab him so at least they’re playing to their own strengths.

I can’t believe Bret Hart is refereeing this 6 weeks after being WWF Champion. Eric gets a kick and down goes Larry for a second or so. Larry just goes off on him and takes him down so Bret pulls him off. Bret breaks up another one as we enter Bill Alfonso in 95 territory. Bret is following the rules to perfection but the fact that he’s doing so is making people think something is up. It’s amazing how basic stuff like that can be. It made Fonzie the most hated man in ECW history. What does that tell you?

Tony declares Bret NWO and uses the word tweener. Eric gets a kick in and Larry is in trouble. Bischoff just unloads on Larry with everything he’s got and Larry covers up. It’s Rope-A-Dope time as Eric is just spent and Larry just stands up. As my dear old Aunt Petunia used to say, IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME! He hooks Eric up in the Tree of Woe, and then things just completely fall apart.

Bret pulls Larry back and is LOOKING AT ERIC in the corner. Hall loads up Eric’s boot with a piece of metal. Bischoff throws a kick at Larry and the metal flies out in mid kick. The kick hits Larry barely on the arm and Bret looks at the metal object as it flies out of the shoe. Larry of course sells like he’s been shot and just lays there while Bischoff celebrates. Eric turns to Bret to celebrate and gets popped in the jaw for his troubles, securing Bret as being WCW and getting the fans to cheer for the first time in a good while.

Hall gets beaten up and down by taking a Sharpshooter. Seriously, WHY IS BRET NOT WRESTLING HERE? You couldn’t throw him out there in a squash match at least? Larry chokes out Bischoff with a belt or something and Bret raises his hand as the winner, I guess by DQ for the foot thing? Tony and Tenay talk about how they can have Nitro because WCW wins this match. Yeah that’s why they spent over two hours talking about how important this match was.

Rating: F. The best move of this was a terrible vertical suplex. Larry did what he could, but there’s a reason why Bischoff shouldn’t have been in this: HE ISN’T A WRESTLER. This is fine for something like Nitro, but think about this for a minute. This is Starrcade and it’s the next to last match. At Mania 17 this would have been Taker vs. HHH. At the 89 Bash this was a War Games match. And this is a guy that’s been retired about 4 years vs. an announcer. Like I said, Larry tried but there was too much to overcome here. Just a freaking joke.

And here we are. To put it mildly, this show has been horrible so far. Nothing has made sense and the fans are rightfully ticked off about things. There has been one good match and one match with logical booking (US Title). However, literally none of that matters at this point as this upcoming match is at least 95% of the value of this show. Think Mania 6 and the main event. Nothing else on the card mattered and nothing else here does either. This show is about Sting vs. Hogan and nothing more.

Given that this is the biggest match in WCW history, some backstory might help a bit. Granted WCW doesn’t think you need it but since the entire planet was watching this show in their eyes I guess that makes sense. Back in the fall of 1996, the NWO was running rampant. Sting was on a tour of Japan and therefore wasn’t at Nitro that night. Luger fought I think Hall to the parking lot where “Sting”, a guy in a Sting costume, popped out and beat him up.

That following Sunday was Fall Brawl and WCW vs. NWO in War Games. None of his teammates believed it wasn’t him, despite him being about 4 inches shorter than the real Sting. This was more or less a running joke in WCW as there were all kinds of people impersonating Sting including Hogan and Nash and only the announcers would buy into it as the fans could tell by, you know, LOOKING AT HIM.

Anyway, the Fake Sting came in and then the real Sting came in and beat up the NWO on his own. He looked at his best friend, Lex Luger, and asked if that was good enough and walked away. He then cut a promo the next night with his back to the camera, saying he wasn’t sure what he was doing anymore and that he would be popping up every now and then.

The next week the crow Sting debuted and he would begin hiding in the rafters. He would beat up random people as WCW would swear up and down that he was in the NWO. He also started carrying the ball bat and he would hand it to random guys and turn away from them. It was some kind of test for trust or something like that. Anyway, we hit Uncensored 97 and there’s no answer as to which side he’s on.

After the NWO wins the main event, Sting repels from the ceiling and beats the tar out of them, which of course makes the WCW announcers sure that he’s WCW now. Over the next 9 months or so he stalked Hogan while Dillon kept trying to get him signed to a contract, which you would assume he was already under but whatever. He turned down matches with Hennig and X-Pac before being given an ultimatum of pick an opponent or leave.

He gets in the ring and the fans chant for Hogan. Sting points at the crowd and of course Dillon doesn’t get it. The following Thursday at Clash of the Champions, the lights go out and Sting is in the rafters with a crow. The voice of a child comes over the PA system and says stuff about how the battle is just beginning and Sting is the light in the darkness. This somehow gets Dillon’s attention and he makes the match.

Keep in mind that this whole time Hogan has been running scared, screaming at the sight of Sting and never landing a single shot on him. On the last Nitro before this they got to him and beat him up but it didn’t really do anything. So the point of this is that Hogan, surrounded by goons including guys the caliber of Hall and Nash has been scared to death of Sting for about 9 months minimum.

One more thing and then I promise we’ll get to this mess. This was supposed to be about revenge. Other than a 6 day reign by Luger in August which I guess was a marketing ploy to get more buys for Road Wild, Hogan has held the title non-stop since August of 96. The NWO and especially Hogan has dominated the whole time and it hasn’t been close at all. Tonight is about revenge. It’s time for WCW to rise up and take back what is theirs. This is the night where WCW gets their big win over the NWO and makes them realize their days are numbered. In short, this is supposed to be the beginning of the end for the NWO with Sting leading the WCW charge. This should have been screwupable. Let’s see how they managed to screw it up.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sting

This is the one match we’ve never gotten: the biggest WCW star vs. the biggest WWF star. Here’s how this SHOULD have gone:

Hogan won’t come out. He locks himself in his dressing room or whatever and just won’t fight. WCW guys kick the door in and literally drag him kicking and screaming to the ring. He tries to run and the Giant and Luger carry him back to the ring and they stand guard of him until Sting gets there. The bell rings, Hogan MIGHT get a punch or two in and Sting just beats the heck out of him for about 3 minutes, Stinger Splash, Scorpion Death Lock, new champion, we’re out in 5 minutes. THAT’S IT.

Seriously, after 9 months of running and hiding, Hogan should have been scared to death of Sting right? He was scared with no help and he should be scared with help. Add in the fact that Hogan has been a cowardly heel for about 99% of his run and this should have been a walk in the park for WCW. And that’s how you know it’s going to be screwed up: it’s WCW.

Hogan’s music hits, Michael Buffer does the intro, and the whole thing is instantly ruined. After 9 months of running and hiding and screaming at the sight of Sting, Hogan is strutting down the aisle. He’s singing the words to his theme song and playing the belt like a guitar. He might as well be fighting the Brooklyn Brawler tonight on a house show in front of 900 people in East Orange, New Jersey.

And now, the entrance of Sting. He’s come through the crowd, he’s repelled from the rafters, and he had a helicopter drop him from the sky. What more could he do this time? Buffer simply says “Ladies and Gentlemen, the challenger.” The same speech from the Clash plays….and Hogan is walking around the ring with his arms in the air so as to make sure the attention never leaves him for one second.

Yeah this is already damaged but there’s still the match itself right? Thunder and lightning hit, the music is loud, the crowd is on fire, and Sting walks through the entrance like anyone else would. They do the effect where Hogan is kind of superimposed over Sting. This would be a much more effective shot if Hogan was scared or something like he was supposed to be but he’s saying bring it on. Sure why not.

We get the staredown which is indeed cool. AND IT’S ON! Hogan immediately shoves him and throws the bandana in his face. I immediately don’t like where this is going as he’s showing more life than he did vs. Andre. The fans pop like cherries for a slap from Sting. Hogan stalls to make sure the crowd remembers who put them in their seats is. This is already bad and we’re 40 seconds in.

Hogan shoves him back into the corner but Sting hits a punch. The place ERUPTS. Remember that Sting is known for his jumping all over the place and speed and power etc. So far he’s slapped and punched. Hogan punches him and Sting goes flying. ALL Hogan here as Sting looks pathetic. Hogan dedicates a punch to his son and isn’t even sweating yet. Crowd has been mostly killed by this point, about three minutes in.

Sting hits an ok dropkick and Hogan goes to the floor. Yeah that’s his big offense so far. He doesn’t go after Hogan or anything. He just stares at him even more. Hogan hooks a headlock and then puts Sting down with a shoulder block. Tony says he ran through Sting and he’s absolutely right. More dropkicks and down goes Hogan again. And as soon as Sting goes on offense again, Hogan hits the floor and stalls even more to kill the crowd every time Sting gets something going.

Now Sting uses a headlock. HE’S SO ENRAGED! Hogan has dominated almost the whole match other than those dropkicks and Sting is down again. So far this has been like a seven minute intro match with nothing at all of note. Hogan has dominated for the most part and the biggest move and most impactful move by far have been dropkicks. Other than that there just isn’t anything but punches and headlocks.

We REALLY crank things up with a suplex which is no sold. Sting comes back with a crotch chop of pain and his offense lasts a total of 9 seconds since Hogan takes over again. Sting is looking like a total jobber here, getting nothing in longer than maybe 20 seconds. He’s controlled less than half a minute and we’re about 9 minutes into this. Hogan punches the heck out of him as the crowd is virtually dead.

Stinger Splash of course misses on the floor. That could have gotten the fans to cheer so we couldn’t have that of course right? With Sting more or less out on his feet, there’s the big boot and legdrop. As he’s in the air, Bret Hart walks by the front of the ring. Keep that in mind. Patrick does a semi-fast count for the clean pin. Hart keeps the bell from ringing and shouts at Patrick and half into the microphone that he won’t let it happen again. He hits Patrick, throws Hogan back into the ring, the NWO runs in and gets beaten up, Splash and Scorpion ends the match and Sting wins the title. The WCW guys run in for the massive celebration and we end the show.

Now the fun part: explaining why this was freaking horrendous.

For those of you that haven’t heard the history, here was the new plan that for some reason that I’m not sure God himself understands. Nick Patrick, the referee, had been very biased towards the NWO in the recent months. He was supposed to make a fast count, leading to Bret Hart running down and saying he wouldn’t let this become Montreal all over again (not in those words but that was the idea). Two things caused this mess of a plan to fall apart: Patrick counts a relatively normal count, and Hart is there before the bell rings. With Patrick counting normal speed, it looks like Sting just got pinned in a normal match.

Another problem with the whole fast count thing: Sting stayed down. You can see him getting up about 20 seconds later when Bret is arguing with Patrick. If this was supposed to be a fast count then Sting should have popped up a split second after the three correct? Instead he popped up almost half a minute later and looked like he could barely get up if his life depended on it. If this was supposed to be a fast count, why did no one tell Sting that was the finish? Could it be that he knew it would bomb?

The announcers don’t bring up Patrick’s heel tactics, and they touch on it being a fast count. They don’t have time because instead of Hart running down to the ring like he was supposed to, he was already there, so he stops the bell from ringing about two seconds after the pin. He says it won’t happen again, which makes no sense to non-WWF fans, or to wrestling fans in general. Since he was a referee earlier in the night, he is apparently has refereeing powers all night, so he jumps in as referee. Sting hits the splash, the scorpion, and he gets the title to end the show. Two weeks later, the title is held up vacant, and Sting FINALLY pins Hogan mostly clean in LATE FEBRUARY (this was three days after Christmas) at Superbrawl.

The whole thing just made no sense and everyone saw that it was nothing but a way to get the buyrate for Superbrawl up. Hogan and the NWO should have died then and there. Hogan should have disappeared until about June before coming back in the red and yellow, begging for the fans’ forgiveness while Sting slowly accepts the fans again and becomes the surfer or at least a normal looking wrestler. Instead, it’s the same things over and over again. All the fans, myself included, had their intelligence insulted. I and many other fans I knew at the time started watching Raw and loved what we were seeing, because it wasn’t WCW. I never left.

Sting would wind up holding the title for about two months until Savage beat him for it at Spring Stampede, only to lose it back to Hogan the next night. Goldberg beat him for it three months later. To say the fans didn’t react well is an understatement. The next night on Nitro the ratings were GREAT. The lead for Nitro stayed intact until the fans started getting what was going on.

Once the fans were told the title would be held up, they started to watch Raw more often. You couple this with the introduction of Mike Tyson and Steve Austin getting the world title and the lead was gone. About a week after Mania, Raw won for the first time in nearly two years. While the content on Raw was a major factor in this, there was no reason for WCW fans to watch Raw until they got screwed over here.

Sting had been this hero for WCW and would end the NWO once and for all. That was supposed to happen, much like Austin winning the title at Mania. Sting was supposed to destroy Hogan but that just didn’t happen for some reason. That reason would be Hogan didn’t want to lose clean like that and when he got the title back just a few months later, everything fell apart. WCW proved they had learned nothing a little over a year later in the Fingerpoke of Doom. The fans wanted something new and WCW decided that wasn’t going to happen. The rest is history.

Rating: F. For managing to screw up something that should be as unscrewable as a nun.

Overall Rating: F. This was just a pure failure all around. There was a very simple idea here: WCW and the fans win. That’s it. That’s what this show is supposed to be and they managed to mess it up. There are 8 matches on this card. A face won three of them. One had a clean ending, one was never announced to be a DQ as Larry was just declared the winner while the biggest acquisition in wrestling was the referee and the last one was the debacle of Hogan/Sting where Hogan just had to dominate the whole thing and make Sting look like a jobber that stole a win because he got destroyed by Hogan clean as a sheet. This was just a disaster all around and still the thing that caused them to begin to die.