Monday Night Raw
Date: September 13, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 11,186
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing in on Unforgiven and the big story continues to be HHH vs. the world. Steve Austin returned last week on Smackdown to nearly kill HHH with a semi truck and that means we might have the challenge for the pay per view in sight. Other than that, the rest of the company is as wacky as usual and that should make for an eventful night. Let’s get to it.

Here is Smackdown is you need a recap.

We look at Steve Austin attempting to murder HHH, who has quite a few people after him.

Opening sequence.

A bunch of people (Undertaker, Big Show, Kane, Mankind, Steve Austin) all seem to be looking for HHH.

Speaking of HHH, he gets a full police motorcade escort.

Here is Linda McMahon, with the Stooges, for a chat. Linda wastes no time in making a five way match tonight for the #1 contendership at Unforgiven. For now though, HHH has to remain champion and if Steve Austin wants a title shot, he can have it. Tonight. Cue HHH and Chyna (with security) to interrupt and things are not looking positive. HHH goes on a rant about how Linda is screwing him over but HHH tells her how things go. Cue Big Show, Undertaker, Rock, Mankind and Kane for a brawl, with HHH escaping.

We recap Jeff Jarrett attacking Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young on Smackdown.

Jarrett issues an open challenge to any woman.

The Rock, with Mankind, talks about how he is back in Anaheim and is ready to face anyone to get to HHH. This includes Mankind, even if they are friends. Mankind is ready to have feelings but he’s ready for Rock to beat him up.

Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

Miss Kitty and Debra are here with Jarrett and it’s….Luna Vachon answering the challenge. Luna charges in and gets stomped down to start, followed by a shot to the face. Jarrett hammers away in the corner but cue Ivory to hit Luna with a guitar for the DQ.

Post match Jarrett does not like Lilian Garcia announcing Luna as the winner so he puts Garcia in the Figure Four.

Chyna is not impressed with Jarrett and threatens Steve Austin with a sledgehammer.

Faarooq vs. D-Von Dudley

Strap match, just because. Faarooq starts fast and snaps off a powerslam before choking with the strap. D-Von fights back and chokes away, followed by some nasty whipping. Back up and the spinebuster gets Faarooq out of trouble, only for Bubba to hit a nasty chair to the head to give D-Von the pin.

Post match Bradshaw gets taken out with the steps but comes back with a chair to clear out the Dudleyz.

Undertaker and Big Show are ready to take out HHH, who is now the hunted instead of the hunter. Even the Crocodile Hunter can’t save them now. As for Rock, they’re going to be on him like the leather pants on the girl in the front row. This is a weird version of Undertaker and hopefully it doesn’t last long.

Jim Ross brings out the British Bulldog for a chat. Last week he gave Al Snow the Hardcore Title back because Snow deserves it. He’s also back because he wants to show that he can still do this after his injury. There is only one belt that he has left to win and that is the WWF Title. That’s the one thing he wants to win before he retires, which won’t be for a long time.

Cue the Big Boss Man to interrupt because he did not like Bulldog interrupting him last week. Before this is over between them, Bulldog is going home in a doggy bag. Cue Al Snow (he’s barking) to sing about where oh where has his Boss Man gone. Snow: “There you are Ray!” Snow recaps the Pepper saga and challenges him to a match, which will involve a cage inside the Cell, but Boss Man is only interested if the Hardcore Title is on the line. Snow says sure, so Boss Man is in, but also ready to fight tonight.

One more thing though: Snow introduces some rottweilers who will be in between the two cages. Bulldog jumps Boss Man from behind and they fight at ringside with Boss Man getting the better of things, only to be chased off by the dogs. You could hear them trying to make sense of this as they were explaining the concept and it was showing badly. No one could make this sound good, as it’s a total mess.

The Mean Street Posse, with Terri, doesn’t like Test so they’re going to beat him up, even if Shane McMahon doesn’t want them to. Oh and Stephanie McMahon is a tramp.

Someone has attacked Shane McMahon.

Tony Chimmel comes out to take over for the Fink.

Joey Abs vs. Test

The rest of the Posse is here too and they all ump Test before the bell, allowing Joey to grab a suplex for an early two. Test gets in a shot of his own though and the comeback is on. A full nelson slam puts Abs down but the Posse comes in again. That’s broken up and Test grabs a powerbomb for the fast pin.

Post match the beatdown is on again but Shane McMahon runs in for the save. The Posse is chased outside with Shane and Test giving chase in their car.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. HHH

Austin, in street clothes, is challenging. Hold on though as HHH is in street clothes as well and has some cops (and Chyna) with him. HHH brings up the aggravated assault from Smackdown and has personally signed a warrant for Austin’s arrest (I don’t think that’s how warrants work). The cops handcuff and arrest Austin, with HHH getting a cheap shot because of course. No match if that wasn’t clear.

Post break Austin is put in a police car and HHH takes Linda McMahon’s phone and throws it down.

Godfather vs. Chaz

Apparently Chaz and Marianna have amicably ended their relationship, so Godfather isn’t going to offer him the ladies this week. Chaz takes him down with a drop toehold to start and works on the arm as the ladies dance and shout a lot on the floor. Some arm cranking ensues but cue Marianna (wit a black eye) to ask Chaz why. Godather isn’t happy and kicks him into the corner, setting up the Ho Train (but an angry one you see), followed by the Pimp Drop for the pin. That’s not a place you want to go with a wrestling storyline and it doesn’t feel great here.

The Stooges try to get Linda McMahon to leave but she’s staying because it’s family business.

We recap X-Pac and Kane going their separate ways.

A cage is lowered and here is Chris Jericho, but believe it or not he has something to say. Jericho calls out Ken Shamrock, who is certainly a SHAM, but he certainly doesn’t work. This is the Jericho Prison and he is ready to prove himself against one of the most proficient fighters in the world. This brings out GOTCH GRACIE, a masked man who has trained everywhere (Lawler: “JR, you probably know where he played college football!”).

Chris Jericho vs. Gotch Gracie

Gracie is in a mask and all black, with his shirt saying GOTCH. Jericho (“Here goes nothing!”) takes him down for a bow and arrow beore grabbing the mic and saying that could have broken his back. Jericho puts on an Octopus Hold and muscles him over for a suplex, with Jericho saying that’s enough. Gracie fights back with a clothesline but gets pulled into the Liontamer for the fast pin.

Post match Jericho goes for an ankle lock but Ken Shamrock runs in. Jericho and Gracie beat Shamrock down and Gracie is unmasked as….Curtis (Mr.) Hughes. That’s not the best reveal but you know exactly what you’re getting with Hughes.

D’Lo Brown and Godfather have a business transaction.

Chris Jericho shows he just proved that he is the most dangerous man in the WWF. He went out and got Curtis Hue to protect Shamrock from Jericho himself.

Kane vs. Mankind vs. Big Show vs. Undertaker vs. The Rock

For a title shot at Unforgiven and for some reason Undertaker and Show are introduced with a combined weight. The two of them jump Mankind before everyone else get here but argue over the pin. Rock and Kane come out as well with Kane hitting the top rope clothesline on Mankind.

Cue Mideon and Viscera to jump Mankind as this is just a big brawl rather than much of a match. Mankind manages a double arm DDT on Kane but Undertaker drops the referee. Rock gives Undertaker a DDT into the People’s Elbow as another referee comes in, only to get taken out by Kane.

More referees and agents come in and get decked as well, followed by Earl Hebner, who throws up his hands and leaves. Cue the Godfather to go after Undertaker (it goes badly), Crash Holly to go after Big Show (it goes worse) and more people who are beaten up just as quickly. The locker room empties out and everyone starts fighting with everyone as this is thrown out.

Rating: C. What is there to say about something like this? It’s barely a match and is much more about a bunch of people brawling before even more people come in to brawl as well. That doesn’t get you very far, but it was certainly energetic. And we still don’t even have a #1 contender as the lack of organization continues.

And no, that isn’t the main event, because it’s 1999.

The referees tell Earl Hebner to do something about these beatings they’re taking.

Val Venis/D’Lo Brown vs. Mark Henry/Steve Blackman

This feels like it belongs on a Lethal Lottery show. Well hang on as Henry isn’t here so Blackman bets up Venis on his own. Venis fights back and hands it off to Brown, who misses an elbow and gets caught with a dropkick. It’s back to Venis for a spinebuster but Blackman hits an enziguri for two more. Venis is right back with a fisherman’s suplex into the Low Down for the fast pin. It’s almost weird to see a straight match with nothing screwy going on.

The screwiness is after the match as GTV pops on to show Henry getting a lap dance from Godfather’s ladies.

A limousine, with a police escort, arrives.

WWF Title: HHH vs. ???

HHH, in street clothes and with Chyna, is defending and calls out Linda McMahon of all people. HHH wants Linda to say that Steve Austin has forfeited his title shot and has to start all the way at the bottom again. Linda: “No.” That has HHH ready to go after Linda but cue Vince McMahon to make the save. Vince says he gave his word that he wouldn’t interfere in business, but this is personal.

They’re ready to fight so here is Austin (also in street clothes and again, I don’t think this company knows how the legal system works) to start the brawl, and apparently the match, with HHH. Austin beats him around the ring and into the crowd, setting up a suplex on the floor. A bunch of chair shots and a right hand to Earl Hebner are enough to get Austin disqualified.

Rating: C. This was an angle rather than a match (I’m shocked too) and that’s all it needed to be. Austin being back in the arena so soon after a big angle earlier means it should have been a brawl like this, but that’s quite the match to just burn off in three minutes. Either way, the fans were going nuts and I guess that’s what matters the most?

Post match the cage is lowered and Austin beats HHH up both inside and outside to end the show.

We get about five extra minutes, called Extra Attitude, of Austin beating on HHH even more and drinking beer. Real revolutionary stuff there, though the cage is kind of swinging back and forth for a weird feeling.

Overall Rating: C. They were trying to have something coherent here but it was just enough of a mixture of the Russo style of insanity with something more focused. The overarching story of “everyone is out to get HHH and tonight is Austin’s chance” is fine, but there are so many moving parts that you need a scorecard. It kept my interest, though it had the usual problem of feeling like they had three weeks piled into two hours. Calm the heck down and see how much better the show can be. You can even keep the matches short, but let something sink in for once.

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And that’s not good.

Something I didn’t get around to reporting last week was that the ratings for Raw were a disaster (come on guys you can watch even though your boss is gone). Here’s the thing though: it really isn’t hard to figure out why. The problem is, and I hate to admit it, the Authority wasn’t around. WWE has pretty much made it clear that if they’re not around then Raw is basically a glorified Smackdown.

Yeah stuff might happen, but it’s either wrapped up later in the night and barely mentioned again, or completely erased by the Authority. The show has turned into everyone dancing around to entertain HHH and Stephanie as they get to ignore almost all character motivation and logic for the sake of keeping themselves looking good.

The fans know that if the Authority isn’t around, big stuff isn’t happening and they’re much better off going to bed or doing something else and checking the results later, because three hours of mediocre wrestling (and a John Cena match), uninteresting stories and Rollins trying to figure out if he’s his own man or needs to buy the rest of the team presents to save him from some big bad isn’t enough to hook you in all night. WWE can change this line of thinking pretty easily, but it’s been proven before that they’re not very interested in getting Stephanie and HHH off TV that easily and I can’t imagine it happens anytime soon.

This is the full review as I watched the show already and did this in advance.  There might be a few little bits here and there that I missed, but it would probably be Tough Enough stuff etc.  If there’s anything major, let me know.

Smackdown
Date: July 2, 2015
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso

There isn’t a lot to say at the moment as we’re getting closer and closer to Battleground and the showdown between Lesnar and Rollins. Raw mainly focused on Wyatt vs. Reigns, which is coming off as a strong feud with Wyatt getting inside Reigns’ head, but I can’t imagine there being much of a challenge for Roman when they finally face off. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rollins giving the Authority all their presents on Monday, leading to the Authority and Wyatt beating down Reigns to end the show.

Here are Rollins and the Stooges to open things up. Rollins keeps plugging the product placement but says it’s time to talk about the present. One day, everyone is going to ask about what it was like when Seth Rollins destroyed the Roman Empire and burned Suplex City to the ground. After some clips of the beatdowns, Rollins brags about conquering the conqueror last week.

Then Roman couldn’t hang with the power of the Stooges and Kane got on his flight to Tokyo, but before he left he made a few matches for tonight: Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins, assuming Roman shows up. Cue Ambrose to come towards the ring but he walks back and comes out again with a kendo stick. Dean fights them off but is told his match with Wyatt starts RIGHT NOW.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

Dean chops and strikes away against the ropes to start but walks into the running body block to change control early on. We hit the chinlock way faster than we should before they head outside for Ambrose’s 619 under the bottom rope and a big clothesline before it’s off to a break. Maybe they can get out of this lame formula stuff during the commercial. Back with Dean fighting out of Sister Abigail and nailing a big suicide dive to the floor.

A tornado DDT gets two for Ambrose but Wyatt takes his head off with a clothesline and gets two of his own off the backsplash. Back up and Dean’s rebound lariat and top rope elbow get two as well, meaning the wait for anything but signature moves continues. Dean dives off the apron and gets thrown into the barricade for his efforts. Well that was different. Sister Abigail is good for the pretty sudden pin at 9:00.

Rating: D+. It was watchable as these two have fought so many times before, but this felt a lot more like a house show match than anything else. Dean did his signature stuff, Bray did his signature stuff, and then Wyatt won. I’ve seen far worse matches, but I never got the slightest bit interested in this one, partially because I’m sick of seeing these guys fight.

Adam Rose and Rosa Mendes are in the ring to call the entire audience jealous of him, only to be interrupted by R-Truth.

R-Truth vs. Adam Rose

Rose gets thrown around to start and Truth thrusts some pelvis at him. Phillips: “Truth is aware we don’t have kings in this country right?” Lawler: “Are you kidding me?” Truth blocks some right hands and hits the Lie Detector for the pin at 1:58.

Video of Rock appearing at a house show over the weekend. Since this is WWE, they show it on the WWE Youtube channel.

Recap of Cena vs. Cesaro on Monday with Owens coming in for the DQ.

On WWE.com, Ryback promised to run through Mark Henry tonight on his way to Battleground, where he’ll run over Big Show and Miz.

Mark Henry disagrees and says Ryback is disrespectful.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Non-title again and Henry’s signature entrance with the camera behind his back makes its return. Mark shoves him to the floor to start but Ryback just punches him in the face and tries Shell Shock, only to be thwarted by the powers of fat. The announcers say that if he can’t get Henry up, he can’t get Big Show up. Please forget that HE ALREADY DID THAT. Ryback gets one off a splash but can’t get Henry up for a suplex. Henry: “FEED ME MORE!” How many times do you think that’s been said in Mark’s life?

The bearhug doesn’t last long but Henry falls on Ryback’s slam attempt for two. There’s a double clothesline to put both guys down but Ryback is up first with the suplex. The World’s Strongest Slam is countered into the spinebuster, followed by the Shell Shock for the pin at 7:00. Jimmy Uso is VERY excited over this.

Rating: C-. I liked this more than I was expecting to with Ryback building up to the suplex and then finally paying it off. No it’s nothing mind blowing, but they built something up and then got to the point. That’s basic storytelling and it’s WAY more than you would expect to get out of something like this.

The Stooges show off some Apple Watch features.

Brie Bella vs. Naomi

This is described as a match between the stars of Total Divas. Brie slaps her in the face to start and a chase on the floor lets Brie get in a clothesline to take over. Back in and the BRIE MODE minus obnoxiously shouting BRIE MODE knee to the face gets two but Naomi slaps her in the face. Turnabout being fair play and all that jazz. Fox trips Naomi up though and the Bella Buster is good for the pin at 3:59.

Rating: D. Yeah this happened. It’s a shame that Naomi’s big push has been stopped for the sake of another Total Divas storyline because it’s that time of the year again. There are some good elements in the division but the complete lack of any real motivation or logic to most of the characters cripples anything they could do.

Wyatt says he’s the reason Reigns wasn’t there to save Ambrose earlier tonight. Reigns must be hiding in some cave feeling sorry for himself. That isn’t the Reigns that Bray knows though, because Reigns is all about fighting the world. Bray hasn’t known anyone since he’s been on this planet and that makes him stronger. Everything Roman loves in this world is going to be burned to the ground, leaving Wyatt and Reigns all alone. Then and only then will Wyatt finish Reigns, because it’s anyone but you Reigns. Run.

Prime Time Players vs. Ascension

Non-title. Titus chops Viktor to start and the announcers cringe in stereo. Jimmy: “Geez Louise.” Darren gets suplexed onto Viktor and gets two off the Earthquake splash. It’s off to Konnor to run Darren over, followed by shrugging off a forearm and punching Young down. They head outside with Darren getting posted as we head to a break.

Back with Lawler updating us on Roman Reigns’ status for tonight: he’s still not here. And I’m sure he will NOT be here for the match they’ve basically spent the whole night advertising. Young finally sends the losers into each other for a hot tag off to Titus as house is cleaned. Jimmy: “BOO YEAH!” Everything breaks down and the Clash of the Titus ends Konnor at 9:41.

Rating: D+. The match was acceptable and the action was fine, even though there was never any doubt as to who was winning. The part I’m interested in though is who the Players are going to be facing. They keep hyping the idea that it isn’t clear which members of the New Day are getting the shot, which makes me think Dallas might be brought in as a surprise. Why that would be imposing is anyone’s guess.

Here are Rusev and Summer Rae (looking as good as she ever has in a white dress) for a chat. Summer wants to apologize for her actions at Raw as she stooped down to the gold digger’s level when Lana isn’t even a real woman. Rusev says Summer knows her place but almost calls her Lana by mistake. He’s coming for Ziggler and that’s about it.

Rollins and the Stooges come out for the match with Reigns and it’s time for the dreaded ten count. In case you’ve never watched wrestling before, Reigns shows up at nine and it’s time to fight.

Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns

Non-title of course. Roman starts fast and whips Rollins into the corner before taking FOREVER to powerbomb Mercury, allowing Seth to kick him in the ribs and take over. A top rope double stomp on the back makes Reigns’ injuries (from Raw) even worse and a spinning kick to the ribs stops his comeback. Reigns shrugs it off again and plants Seth with a powerbomb, drawing in the Stooges for the DQ at 5:58.

Rating: D. I get that it was short, but there’s no reason to have this match. Why burn through another edition of this match instead of having, say, Reigns vs. the Stooges? If you’re only going to give it a few minutes then let Roman beat the two of them up and then have Rollins interfere. It’s that simple and a way to save one of these matches from being done to death. Again, thinking can make the booking that much better but for some reason it almost never happens.

The beating is on but Ambrose comes out for the save, allowing for a big double beatdown on Mercury as the other two bail to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This one didn’t work for me as it was mainly midcard stuff and then a really lame main event story that went nowhere. You can only have the Shield guys fight each other so many times before it stops being interesting and unfortunately we passed that back in like December. These matches should be major showdowns, not getting six minutes and a lame DQ finish on a random Smackdown. The show didn’t do anything for me and there’s no reason to see this.

Results

Bray Wyatt b. Dean Ambrose – Sister Abigail

R-Truth b. Adam Rose – Lie Detector

Ryback b. Mark Henry – Shell Shock

Brie Bella b. Naomi – Bella Buster

Prime Time Players b. Ascension – Clash of the Titus to Konnor

Roman Reigns b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble interfered

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 22, 2015
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

Things have started changing again in WWE with Brock Lesnar returning last week to go establish himself as the new challenger for Seth Rollins and the World Title. Other than that we still have Sheamus waiting in the rings for the title shot, which could be the case for a long time to come. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We open with the Beast himself and Heyman gives us a recap of what got Lesnar suspended back in the spring. This includes Rollins running from a title rematch and of course shows us Stephanie ripping off Brock’s balls because Heaven forbid we forget that. In order for Lesnar to officially return, he has to apologize to Cole and JBL. Lesnar of course doesn’t seem interested in doing so but eventually shakes JBL’s hand and rubs Cole head before shoving him into his chair.

Heyman would also like to issue an apology in advance to the chosen boy Seth Rollins. Seth was the first NXT Champion (“Gee I wonder how that happened.”) and has since been heavily protected. Now we have what’s beast for business (yes beast) because Rollins has a first class ticket to Suplex City. Brock is the once and future champion and he’s taking his title back at Battleground. This felt like the face turn promo, but it wasn’t really a turn as he left as a face.

Dean Ambrose vs. Kane

As this feud continues. Kane grabs a suplex to start and punches Ambrose in the face, followed by stomping him around the ring. Kane certainly doesn’t subscribe to the concept of mixing it up. A cross body puts Kane down and Dean follows him to the floor, only to be throw right back in. Kane sidesteps a dive and throws him into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Kane putting on a chinlock followed by a running DDT for two. Ambrose finally grabs a neckbreaker but has to stop for a nap after Kane has put everyone to sleep. Kane charges into the buckle and gets low bridged to the floor. That goes nowhere so Dean hits the rebound clothesline for two but here’s Rollins for the distraction, allowing Kane to load up the chokeslam, only to have Dean escape and hit a suicide dive. Dean goes up top and gets chokeslammed back down for the pin at 11:21.

Rating: D. So Rollins is trying to get recruits onto his side before he has to fight Lesnar and we have to sit through a boring ten minute Kane match to get the point across. Kane is just so slow and repetitive that it’s hard to stay focused during the match, let alone be entertained. Also, you couldn’t have this be a countout instead of Ambrose being pinned again?

Stills of Cena vs. Owens II.

Post break Kane sees through Seth’s plan and turns it down.

Recap of Wyatt vs. Reigns.

Prime Time Players vs. Ascension

Non-title. Titus throws Konnor around to start but everything breaks down. Viktor is tossed outside as New Day is shown watching in the back. The double teaming begins in the corner as Titus is in trouble. Konnor puts on a lame chinlock and gets suplexed down for his sloppiness. Darren gets the tag and cleans house with a northern lights suplex getting two. Titus and Konnor head outside, allowing Young to hit the Gutcheck for the pin on Viktor at 4:10.

Rating: D+. This still wasn’t anything worth seeing but it’s cool to see the champions getting a win instead of just losing every few weeks and then acting like we should still be impressed because they have the belts. The match was just there, but it’s nice to see the old formula instead of the same stuff they do all the time. Also, points to Young for really starting to become a more entertaining guy in the ring. He’s still not all that interesting but at least he’s a few steps ahead of where he used to be.

Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

Sheamus pinned Reigns on Smackdown after Wyatt interfered. They drive each other up against the ropes to start because they’re both hosses. A slam sends Sheamus outside and Reigns slugs away back inside, only to get caught with four forearms to the chest. Sheamus throws Reigns down again and we take a break. Hopefully the break gives them some rest as this show’s action has felt like it’s in slow motion so far. Back with Reigns fighting out of a chinlock and hitting a running clothesline to wake the fans up a bit.

The apron boot is countered with a clothesline in a unique spot from Sheamus. He throws Reigns back first into the barricade and now Sheamus has a target. After a quick chinlock, three straight Irish Curses are good for a near fall. The Cloverleaf goes on but Reigns is quickly in the ropes. A belly to back stuns Sheamus and Reigns throws him to the floor for a whip into the table. Reigns gets back in but Wyatt pops up on screen in the middle of a tea party. He talks to someone off camera and tells Reigns to come find him. Roman bails on the match and that’s a countout at 16:40.

Rating: C+. This got going more with the back stuff at the end to give the match a story. I like that they’re giving Sheamus some wins, which really aren’t a stretch. Yeah he’s not what he used to be, but he’s still a former multiple time World Champion and a good brawler who can step up without a big stretch. Reigns is handling himself well in these longer matches too.

The camera pans back to show that Wyatt is talking to an empty rocking chair, meaning someone might have just gotten out of it.

Post break Reigns is looking for the party and finds the room, with a high group of pictures of Reigns on the wall with the eyes cut out and ANYONE BUT YOU painted on the wall. Bray can be head singing I’m A Little Teapot.

Rollins can’t get the Stooges on his side. They remember those Dumb and Dumber comments of his.

Kofi Kingston vs. Neville

Kingston jumps over Neville a few times to start but gets pulled into a headlock to slow things down. A shot to Neville’s ribs sets up a top rope ax handle as Xavier steals a camera for some pictures. Kofi is sent to the floor and knocked off the apron, drawing New Day over to go after Neville. This brings out the Prime Time Players to even things up but all four are ejected, allowing Neville to kick him in the head and hit the Red Arrow for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C. Neville is now getting his own showcase matches as this was just about giving Neville a TV win instead of much anything else. He’s a full on midcard guy now and it’s amazing to see how smoothly his transition has gone. Kofi will be fine because he’s Kofi Kingston and is incapable of falling from his spot on the card.

King Barrett vs. Zack Ryder

Cole says that R-Truth has been thinking he’s King since beating Barrett last week. It would actually be the night before but be glad he got it that close. Ryder starts with a flapjack and corner clothesline before quickly fighting out of a chinlock. Barrett runs away from a Broski Boot but gets taken down by a baseball slide. Back inside and Ryder gets crotched on the top, setting up the Bull Hammer for the pin at 3:21.

Rating: D+. So we officially know that Ryder is beneath Barrett on the totem pole. I know it should seem obvious, but when you’re losing back to back matches to R-Truth, how clear is it? I’m all for seeing Ryder on TV more often as he’s still a fun character who can fire up the crowd, even though he loses every time he’s out there.

Owens says he was born to be in a WWE ring and wants to hurt Cena.

Here’s Cena for the first time after his attack by Owens at Money in the Bank. He holds up the title and calls it a symbol of excellence of which he is very proud. Cena recaps their feud and talks about Owens attacking him at Money in the Bank and then laying out a defenseless musician last week. Now Owens wants a US Title shot at Battleground and Cena has a choice. He could run like Owens did, or he can fight like a champion will. The answer seems to be a yes but here’s Owens to interrupt.

Kevin has been called a lot of things over the years, ranging from overweight to out of shape, but he’s someone who gets what he wants. He wanted to beat John Cena and he did, and he wanted the NXT Title and he got it. Now Owens wants the US Title and he’s going to get it, assuming Cena agrees to the title match. Owens calls himself an evil foreigner and speaks French, but Cena says the people are indifferent to Owens (no they’re not) and speaks French and Chinese. The match is on and the champ is here.

Rollins goes to the Authority to try to get some backup but HHH tells him to find it himself. Stephanie suggests getting the band back together, but HHH thinks it might cost him the title. Seth is perplexed.

Bella Twins vs. Naomi/Tamina

The Bellas have Alicia Fox in their corner. Brie takes Naomi into the corner to start so it’s quickly off to Tamina to work over Brie early on. Naomi knocks Nikki off the corner to break up a tag attempt but Brie gets over for the hot tag, meaning the Bellas are clearly wrestling as the faces here, because WWE has no idea how to book the Bellas these days. Brie hits a middle rope dropkick to Tamina, only to walk into the Rear View. The second Rear View hits Tamina by mistake, setting up the Rack Attack for the pin on Naomi at 3:44.

Terminator Genisys clip with Roman Reigns spliced in.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Non-title and Big Show is on commentary. Ryback throws him down to start and takes it outside right in front of Show. Henry tosses Ryback into the barricade, much to Show’s approval. Back from a break with Ryback shrugging off a chinlock and hitting the Meat Hook, followed by a top rope splash for the pin at 6:24. Not enough shown to rate but this was another match designed to set up the big match down the line. The splash looked good too.

Show glares at Henry post match.

Tough Enough preview.

Ryback is ready for anyone in the triple threat match but the title means everything to him. His parents hadn’t spoken in 15 years but his title win brought them together, even for one night. It doesn’t matter if the entire world comes after his title, because he’ll just say feed me more. Big Show comes in and mocks Ryback’s speech but Ryback is ready to fight. Ryback actually leaves him laying, shouting that Show isn’t so big now. That was a good speech by Ryback and the details he adds are a good way to make the fans connect with him.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Adam Rose

Lana is such an afterthought since she joined Ziggler. Before the match, Rose rips on the crowd and says we don’t get real art, or true love like he and Rosa have. Adam takes his time kissing Rosa and gets dropkicked in the face as Rusev is watching in the back. The referee tells Ziggler to get off Rose in the corner, allowing Adam to take him down and drop some elbows. A sleeper goes nowhere and Ziggler drops his own elbow for two. Rose goes up top and dives into a superkick for the pin at 3:05.

Rating: D. Well the match was nothing so I want to talk about Lana some more. Remember like two months ago when she was getting some of the loudest pops of the show? Well now she’s just there and does nothing during the match because we’re destined to get the same thing from Ziggler until the end of time. Rose is good in a role like this though.

Ziggler takes Lana’s hair out of the bun and kisses her, freaking Rusev out again. He throws his crutches and falls down because of the bad ankle. Summer Rae of all people comes up and hands him a crutch.

The Authority has a meeting in the back with Noble saying he and Mercury are wise like Yoda. HHH says the Stooges know Rollins better than anyone and Stephanie wants the two of them and Kane to hear Rollins out.

Here’s Seth to try to get his backup back. He calls out Kane and the Stooges, but insists that this has nothing to do with Brock Lesnar. This is about the three of them and family. Rollins apologizes to all three of them and asks him to be part of his family again. Kane gets a special apology because he isn’t a dinosaur (Seth: “They’re extinct and you’re alive and well.”) and is Seth’s favorite WWE Superstar of all time.

They don’t seem to accept so Seth gets close to begging until Lesnar interrupts. Kane loads up the elbow pad and Lesnar jumps to the apron, but the three of them leave Seth all alone. Kane and the Stooges try to go after Lesnar but they’re easily fought off because they’re Kane and the Stooges (I knew they should have gone with Iggy), leaving Brock to bust out the Germans to a huge face reaction.

Kane breaks up the F5 with a chokeslam but it’s time for the Big Bald to take a German of his own. This time it’s a Kane chop block breaking up another F5 to Rollins, who adds a chop block of his own. They bend the knee around the post and crack it with a chair to finally have Brock in some trouble. Brock tries to fight back but Mercury comes in to leg dive him, allowing Kane to put him back down. The springboard knee to the head sets up another chokeslam, followed by a Pedigree to leave Lesnar laying as the show ends.

Overall Rating: C. I really liked the way this show was laid out for the most part. A lot of the matches were bigger names getting wins over lower level acts, which doesn’t hurt anyone involved and lets you advance stories a few more steps without blowing something big or making anyone look weak. Ascension, Ryder and Rose losing does nothing to hurt them but the people that beat them get to look successful. That’s smart, logical booking.

The rest of the show was……well it was there. It wasn’t bad or anything but this felt like a very long three hours. There are a lot of issues in WWE and to be fair to them, you can tell when they’re trying and just run out of ideas/get bogged down by the time. That’s what happened here as they really didn’t have three hours of meaningful television in them and the show would have been much better at two hours. There was enough good to carry this show though and that’s a big improvement over some of the stuff we’ve been getting in recent weeks.

Results

Kane b. Dean Ambrose – Chokeslam from the top rope

Prime Time Players b. Ascension – Gutcheck to Viktor

Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout

Neville b. Kofi Kingston – Red Arrow

King Barrett b. Zack Ryder – Bull Hammer

Bella Twins b. Naomi/Tamina – Rack Attack to Naomi

Ryback b. Mark Henry – Top rope splash

Dolph Ziggler b. Adam Rose – Superkick

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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It’s the final show before Money in the Bank and the big story is WWE HIT HALF A BILLION SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS!!! Ignore the fact that a lot of them are probably the same people on a bunch of different platforms but WE CAN TOTALLY PUT THIS ON PRESS RELEASES AND BRAG ABOUT HOW AWESOME WE ARE BECAUSE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT US ONLINE EVEN THOUGH THEY DON’T WATCH THE TV SHOWS!!! Yeah let’s get to it.

The opening segment this week was Cena coming out and issuing another open challenge, which was answered by Kevin Owens. However, instead of challenging for the title, Owens thought someone might want to challenge for a REAL championship, such as his NXT Title. That’s such a great heel move and makes Owens come off as the most stuck on himself wrestler in the world, but that’s exactly the point because he already beat Cena.

Anyway, Cena tried to accept the challenge but Owens said Cena couldn’t accept because. Just because. The solution was to have someone come out and challenge for either title. This brought out Neville, who would love to challenge for the US Title at some point, but he knew what it felt like to hold Owens’ prize.

As you would expect, Neville vs. Owens was a great fourteen minute match with both guys hitting all their big stuff and throwing in some drama despite the ending being pretty obvious. That’s a sign of a good match and it worked really well here. This was another example of the NXT guys being allowed to be NXT guys instead of just any other guys and that’s the best thing that could happen to them in their early appearances on Raw.

After this, it was time to start bragging about the social media milestone, which would of course happen ALL NIGHT LONG. We’ll come back to this later, but we’ll start off by saying Michael Cole would later say “we’d like to congratulate WWE on this accomplishment”. Meaning WWE is congratulating itself. It’s nice to see them just admitting that’s what they’re doing.

Nikki Bella suggests that Paige has created her own problems and is all serious because she’s a totally serious character and not goofy whatsoever. Nikki then beat Summer Rae in a quick match.

In your standard hype segment, Kane tried to talk about Money in the Bank but everyone came out to interrupt him. This included R-Truth, who talked about being in the match, was told that he wasn’t, and left. That’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen in WWE in a long time, because again, they’re using people who are actually funny instead of just having people do things that are considered funny.

Sheamus beat Orton via DQ in a repeat of their match last week. I have no desire to see these two fight ever again, which is why I’d assume we see them at Battleground.

Rollins ran his mouth to the Stooges and is going to fight them later tonight as a result. This goes along with Rollins’ lines about how he doesn’t need anyone.

Kane beat Dolph Ziggler thanks to Rusev scaring Lana (with the shiniest legs I’ve seen this side of Stacy Keibler). I’m so over this Rusev is broken story and wish they would just let him go off and heal instead of having him look like a sad puppy because Lana has left him. On another note, is Lana doing anything for Ziggler or vice versa?

Both of them are in a story but nothing is happening in it other than Rusev. You could have Lana just walking around and do the exact same thing, which shows how worthless this pairing has been. It should be charging Ziggler up a bit but instead we’re in the same place but with a hot Russian blonde around him. The match was as dull as you would expect Kane vs. Ziggler to be, mainly because Dolph is the exact same character he’s been for years now.

MizTV set up Big Show vs. Miz vs. Ryback in a three way feud, which is going to kick off after Sunday’s pay per view. I see no reason to not just start it now and have the triple threat on Sunday, but this is the kind of feud that needs time to breath I guess. Both guys treating Miz like a joke of an afterthought was funny stuff. Big Show took Shell Shock, because why wait for Sunday to do that when you could get another 384 social media followers by doing it on Raw?

The Wyatts squashed Los Matadores with a 3D. Apparently the Dudleys were annoyed because no one is ever allowed to use a move before. And yes, they used the Doomsday Device back in 2000/2001. Harper said the judgment was coming.

Now we get to the big story of the night: INSTAGRAM! Yeah since tonight was a big deal because of social media (and you know Stephanie was right there cheering it on with her business savvy and pumping everyone full of talks about branding and how important it is to get the proper names out there because that’s what wrestling has become.

Anyway, the idea was that Dean Ambrose was making his way through New Orleans towards the arena, and he sent in a bunch of Instagram photos to prove it. Remember the days when you might get a promo from Ambrose about these things so he could hype up the match? Well forget that, because it’s all about using the stories to get more social media followers. Another reason I detest most usage of social media these days.

Big E. beat Titus O’Neal in a quick match to set up the Tag Team Title match on Sunday.

Roman Reigns beat Kofi Kingston in a better match than you would expect. Ambrose arrived after the match to watch the main event.

The Stooges beat Rollins using some interference from Ambrose, which of course sent people into hysterics, because NO WORLD CHAMPION HAS EVER LOST A MATCH. Not HHH to Jim Ross or John Cena to Kevin Federline. Nope, those never happened and Rollins is officially the lamest champion ever because of one loss that no one is going to care about a week later because that’s how wrestling works.

Overall this show did a decent enough job to build towards Sunday, but it does nothing to hide the fact that they care far more about social media and getting in a press release than being a major wrestling promotion. Those days are long gone and it’s very sad to see, but such is life when you have someone who thinks social media is the be all and end all of wrestling, right down to not letting heels be mean to fans because those fans might talk about it on said social media. You know, like they’re supposed to so people want to see the heels get beaten up. Like in wrestling.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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This was kind of a special episode as the King of the Ring was announced and set up in the span of a single day. Apparently the idea was to have it spread into May on the Network where people would have to pay for it, but since May is ANOTHER free month, they’re just turning it into a two night event instead. That makes me so much happier to have paid for the Network since day one. Let’s get to it.

We open with the story that just won’t die as Kane, Rollins and the Stooges are in the ring. Uh let’s see: Rollins brags, Kane blames Rollins for whatever (that’s a good point: why are these two even fighting? I think it’s something to do with Kane thinking Rollins is ungrateful or something, but they keep shouting all the time and it’s really gotten lost in the shuffle), Rollins tells him to shut up, they bicker like two idiots, Orton and Reigns come out and want title shots, Kane says it’s POLL TIME!

Barrett beat Ziggler in a pretty lame tournament match. That’s going to become a recurring theme: tournament matches mostly suck because they need to fly through the first round and there’s not much time to do things like build up a match.

Xavier Woods cheated to help Big E. beat Tyson Kidd. How nice is it to see someone cheating like a good old fashioned villain?

Ryback squashed Bo Dallas and then got beaten up by Bray Wyatt. This was pretty clear after the weights line from Bray last week, but I’m really not sure where this one is going. Ryback vs. Wyatt could be an interesting feud, but it could also be one of those where you watch the match, tilt your head a bit and then say “well that…….sucked? I think?” It’s an odd pairing but I like both guys so it could go somewhere. Oh and one more thing: why are people SO obsessed with seeing Bo Dallas as Bray’s disciple? Yeah they’re brothers. Does that mean they have to be together on screen? I’ve never gotten the mass appeal of the pairing.

There was no open challenge this week as Rusev came out beat up Heath Slater before he could answer and then did the same promo they’ve done about 15 times now. I’m really starting to get worried about Rusev as more than once now I’ve forgotten what he’s been doing since he lost the US Title. One day someone in WWE is going to have to sit down with me and explain the psychology behind taking someone who was really getting over and then having them lose on pay per view three times in a row to the same guy. I’m guessing this leads to Lana’s big face turn, but do we really need to kill Rusev to get there?

Kane and Rollins did their same schtick of threatening to call the Authority because the 7′ monster and the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION are the little kids to HHH and Stephanie’s mom and dad. This bickering angle is really getting old and again, I have no idea what I’m supposed to find interesting about it.

R-Truth beat Stardust to advance. You think I have anything else to say about this?

Adam Rose beat Fandango. To quote myself from the original review: “This is the latest story that people aren’t going to care about and is going to be a waste of time.”

Brie Bella couldn’t remember what emotion she was supposed to have when talking about her husband’s career possibly being over. Naomi shoved her down to continue trying to make the Bellas into faces because……well someone has to be in this division.

Naomi then beat Brie with one of the worst small packages I’ve ever seen. I’ll give them this though: there was a clear heel and face in the match and I had a reason to care about seeing Brie beat Naomi up. That right there is all the story I need. You have a villain and an opponent (I still can’t bring myself to call her a hero) who can give her what she has coming and maybe the match won’t suck. On a good day. Maybe.

Sheamus beat Dean Ambrose via DQ to advance when Dolph Ziggler interfered. Ambrose looked good out there and it was one of the better matches of the night, so there isn’t much to say here. One good thing though was Dean freaking out that Ziggler interefering was a DQ. His I GET DQ’d FOR THAT was right up there with Hogan thinking that Jimmy Hart wearing a striped jacket and counting the pin at Wrestlemania IX was enough to win the Tag Team Titles.

Damien Sandow’s new gimmick is mimicking people. You know, like four year olds do. I give this a month, max. There was something in there about beating up Curtis Axel too.

Neville beat Luke Harper because Neville is pretty awesome. This was a god way to have a young hero stand up to a monster like Harper and come out looking great. Neville is getting one of the best pushes I’ve seen in a long time and I’m getting more and more into his matches every single time.

The main event was a long Reigns/Orton vs. Rollins/Kane tag with Reigns pinning the champ. This was your standard main event tag match, meaning it was entertaining enough but longer than it needed to be.

The triple threat option won the poll because…..it’s too late in the night for sarcasm. It won because it’s a triple threat and that’s the only thing that was ever going to win.

This show was about setting up Payback and the tournament as fast as they could because somehow, despite OWNING ITS OWN NETWORK, WWE still can’t figure out something as simple as a schedule to let pay per views be properly built. Not a very good show but it did its job well enough. These episodes of building up future shows are never all that great so this was about as good as you can get, especially with the tournament stuff shoehorned in.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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A classic case of overthinking it.

Oh man I’m torn on this one. On one hand, this could be the one that completely steals the show and makes Rollins into an even bigger star than he was before. On the other hand, GOOD FREAKING GRIEF HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO SCREW THIS MATCH UP SO BADLY??? I’ve been in awe over the horrible botching they’ve done with the build to this match because it really should have been the easiest thing in the world.

Think back to Fast Lane where Orton returned and cleaned house on the Authority but Rollins escaped. That right there was all they needed to do, but since this is modern WWE, they managed to completely overthink it and ruin the whole thing. Instead of Orton, who has been built up as a guy that can snap at a moment’s notice for years, going into Apex Predator mode and hunting his way through the Authority to get his hands on Rollins, he joined them after beating them up to get his hands on Rollins instead.

A few weeks back Orton tried to explain the whole thing and it just didn’t make sense. It came off like damage control, which really shouldn’t be needed for a match like this. Like I said, this should have been Orton coming back, saying Rollins tried to end his career and trying to end Rollins’ career (or take his briefcase) as payback. But that would have meant Stephanie didn’t get to add Orton’s balls to her collection so instead, this is what we got.

The match itself should be entertaining as both guys have a tendency to rise up like few others can when they’re given the chance on the big stages. Orton has almost always had sleeper matches in the midcard which surprised a lot of people (he dragged KANE to a good match a few years back. Even Cena had issues doing that) and Rollins is someone who can work well against anyone and has established himself as a main event caliber guy.

The more I think about it, the more I’m going with Rollins. Orton already got his big beatdown segment, so it would be pretty anti-climatic to have him just beat Rollins up again and then pin him after the RKO. Since this isn’t going to be a gimmick match (because the calendar says we can only have those next month), there’s really no reason to have Orton go all psycho again here and get his revenge. Also, it would be nice to see Rollins get the big win, especially if he’s going to cash in later in the night (more on that later).

This match has the potential to be the best worked match on the card, as Orton always gets a reaction and the Stooges have been awesome as Seth’s inept backup. I’m thinking they offer a distraction and Rollins gets the big Curb Stomp for the win, as there’s really no logical reason for Orton to go over here…..and that probably should swing my vote to the other side shouldn’t it? I’ll stick with Rollins in one of the few matches I’m looking forward to, really stupid build (imagine that on this show) aside.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 9, 2015
Location: Schottenstein Center, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Booker T., Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We have a much better idea of what to expect at Fast Lane after last week and the Daniel Bryan fans have a lot more hope going forward. There are two weeks left before Fast Lane, meaning it’s all about the build to the show. It’s going to be interesting to see how Reigns handles his adversity last week going forward. Let’s get to it.

We recap last week’s events with the Authority making Bryan vs. Rollins for the shot at Reigns at Fast Lane.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Roman Reigns and we look at his events from last week. Roman says he stood in this ring last week as the #1 contender for the World Title at Wrestlemania, meaning the title was as good as his. Then the Authority showed up last week and made it clear that they don’t want Reigns in that spot. That’s fine with Reigns because he has more than enough spears to go around.

Cue Bryan who thanks Reigns for the help against Rollins and to say he’s ready for Fast Lane. This brings out the Authority to bring up Reigns’ lost last week and rip on Bryan for putting Kane in the casket. Bryan: “Given what your husband has done in caskets, I thought you would enjoy it.” Stephanie makes Reigns/Bryan vs. Kane/Big Show right now. Now I know this sounds bad, but think of it this way: if they do this match, neither guy can wrestle again later. Just get it over with at the same time.

Roman Reigns/Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show/Kane

Bryan sends Kane to the floor to start for the Flying Goat and it’s quickly off to Reigns vs. Big Show. The Authority takes over in the corner with their variety of right hands and forearms, followed by Kane’s bad chinlock. Even the director gets bored with this one so they go to a clip of the spear to Big Show last week. Reigns fights out and suplexes Kane down, setting up the double tag to Bryan and Big Show.

Daniel busts out all the kicks and sends him to the floor with the big YES Kick. Kane and Show easily catch him in the air though and send Bryan back first into the ropes as we take a break. Am I missing something or did Bryan just go down to the equivalent of an Irish whip? Back with Big Show holding Bryan in a chinlock before it’s off to Kane for a bearhug. STOP PUSHING THESE TWO ALREADY! Big Show misses the Vader Bomb elbow but Kane breaks up the hot tag attempt. That earns Kane a YES Lock but it’s Show pulling Bryan to the floor. He throws Bryan into the timekeeper’s area for a fast DQ at 12:00.

Rating: D. The match was boring but as usual, the main issue here is these feuds still going for no reason other than the script saying they have to. Big Show and Kane are as dull and uninteresting of a pair of guys as I’ve seen since Bundy and Studd, and this is a far different time than their era. And, to go back to an old standard, was there ANY REASON why Kane didn’t tap out here? This just had to be a DQ?

Post match Reigns destroys Show with a chair but gets knocked into the corner by Kane. Bryan tries the running dropkick on Kane but hits Reigns by mistake. Roman shoves him down, so HHH makes Reigns/Bryan vs. Kane/Big Show/Mercury/Noble/Rollins. DEAR GOODNESS WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS AGAIN???

Seth Rollins vs. Ryback

Rollins, the fifth guy to work two matches tonight so far, quickly knocks him onto the floor to start before putting on a front facelock back inside. Ryback shoves him to the floor and fights off the Stooges, only to have them break up the Shell Shock attempt for the DQ at 2:59.

Ryback gets curb stomped post match.

Sheamus is coming back.

Paige vs. Brie Bella

Freaking BRIE MODE is back. I was told that was leaving and now I have to hear it again. I hate this company at times. Brie kicks her down for two to start and hits the running knee to chest (which is close enough to Bryan’s finisher to make it a nice idea) for two more. The middle rope dropkick gets the same as Paige hasn’t had any offense so far. A double slap staggers both girls but a Nikki distraction backfires, setting up Rampaige for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: D-. The Bellas are such a disaster on top of the division. They’ve actually gotten a bit better in the ring, but my goodness they’re the least interesting act I’ve seen in years. This idea that they’ve fought so hard to get to the top of the division doesn’t hold up and their matches are some of the worst messes I’ve seen in a long time. But they make the top stars happy and that’s all that matters.

Here are Rusev and Lane to pay tribute to John Cena. After some microphone feedback, they agree that Cena has accomplished great things in WWE and just like the Oscars or Grammys, they want to acknowledge someone who has done so much. We get a quick montage of Cena winning before going to clips of some of his worst beatings. Lana wonders how Cena can keep going through all this punishment over the years. Rusev talks about how Cena is no longer full of ruthless aggression and is now just a weak nothing. He’ll break Cena at Fast Lane and crush his spirit.

Cue Cena, sporting a black eye for a rebuttal. He says Rusev thinks he’s already won the match at Fast Lane, so why bother having the match at all? It’s because so many people are sick of hearing Rusev and Lana run their mouths all over the place. Yeah Cena has taken some beatings over the years and suffered a lot of injuries but he keeps getting back up. Cena is going to hit Rusev in the mouth at Fast Lane and adjust his attitude. Some more trash talking leads to a brawl with Cena getting the better of it until Rusev gets in a shot to the bad eye and sends him into the set. This was fine.

Bray Wyatt vs. Dolph Ziggler

Rematch from last week. Ziggler goes for the leg to start and the fans are split on who to cheer for, though Dolph’s cheers are louder. A dropkick sends Bray into the ropes but he elbows Dolph in the jaw to take over. Dolph avoids a charge in the corner and scores with a neckbreaker before snapping Bray’s throat over the top rope as we take a break.

Back with Bray holding a chinlock before hitting that running cross body. There’s something to be said about someone just launching themselves at their opponent. Dolph ducks a big clothesline and nails another dropkick to put both guys down. The Fameasser and a superkick get two on Bray but he takes Ziggler’s head off with the clothesline on the floor. Back in and the Spider Walk sets up Sister Abigail for the pin at 11:40.

Rating: C+. This was good, though the same thing as last week. Bray looked like his old monster self here though and it was one of the more entertaining things I’ve seen from him in a good while. Ziggler’s push coming off Survivor Series has been a complete waste, but does that really surprise anyone?

Junkyard Dog Black History Month video.

Here are Lesnar and Heyman to address the Fast Lane situation. Heyman brings up the Brian Williams controversy and calls Reigns and Bryan the biggest liars in the land. Both of them say that they’re fighting for a chance to go to Wrestlemania but they’re just lying to themselves. Let’s start with Roman Reigns: the most violent dude from the most violent tribe from the most violent island in all of Samoa. Heyman stood next to him and it was clear that Reigns was terrified of Lesnar.

Then there’s Bryan, who clearly has no chance against Lesnar. It’s not just the size difference because Bryan can back it up with ability and can pull off miracle after miracle, but do you really think he’s the one to beat the one in twenty one and one? Let’s get to the point: whoever wins the match at Fast Lane should jump in a helicopter with Brian Williams and subject themselves to enemy fire, because it will be less dangerous than the F5 waiting for them at Wrestlemania. Again, this was fine.

New Day vs. Goldust/Stardust

Woods is on the floor again. Kofi and Stardust get things going with the painted one scoring with a shoulder and cartwheeling. Goldust tags himself in and that’s already enough for Stardust, who walks out. Kofi gets the pin off a rollup at 1:38.

We look back at Reigns and Bryan having issues earlier tonight.

Bryan says he probably would have done the same thing to Reigns in the heat of the moment. Roman comes in and says they should work together tonight so they can handle their business at Wrestlemania. Daniel doesn’t react.

Post break Goldust says this is Dustin talking and says Cody is his brother. Stardust shoves him and says Cody is dead.

Here’s HHH to address Sting. He’s been around this company for twenty years to make this a better place. Now he has to deal with the face of WCW, a company he helped destroy fourteen years ago. Then at Survivor Series, Sting had to attack like a coward. That’s why HHH is calling him out at Fast lane to meet him face to face so he can explain to Sting why he was right to wait. If Sting shows up, he’ll be allowed to leave with his face intact and never come back again.

The lights dim and a crow is heard. We go to a creepy video with HHH talking and Sting paint superimposed over his face. The fans want Sting and we see someone in the ring (clearly not the real Sting) who scares HHH so badly that he falls down. The words I ACCEPT appear on the screen and the guy is gone.

Usos vs. Tyson Kidd/Cesaro

Non-title again and Cole says the rumor is a win could get Kidd and Cesaro in the title hunt. Lines like those are what make me hate WWE commentary. Jimmy slams Kidd down to start and it’s off to Jey as the announcers talk about the double date from Smackdown. Everyone falls out to the floor and the girls get in an argument as we take a break. Back with Jimmy suplexing Kidd but Cesaro breaks up the tag.

The heels take turns putting on chinlocks before Cesaro just hammers Jimmy’s face. Jimmy scores with an enziguri to knock Cesaro outside and the hot tag brings in Jey to face Kidd. Tyson blocks a dive but jumps into a superkick for a close two. The Running Umaga Attack misses and Cesaro shoves Jey off the top to give Kidd the pin at 10:37.

Rating: D+. GET. NEW. WRITERS! For the love of all things good and holy I’m so sick of seeing challengers beat the champions to get a title shot. Shut up with this nonsense about “getting a win to get in the title hunt” because THERE IS NO FREAKING TITLE HUNT! You have three teams having the same matches over and over again and see the division die more and more every single day. The Usos losing here makes the titles look even weaker, and now I’m supposed to want to see these teams fight again just because the worthless titles are on the line?

I would suggest that Kidd and Cesaro beat some teams to earn a title shot, but who are they supposed to beat? New Day? Los Matadores? As in the teams that have lost so many times that the wins mean nothing? We have probably ten people down in NXT spinning their wheels who have been ready for the big show for months but there’s just no room for them on the main roster? Are you kidding me? Get someone new in there so we can stop doing these same stupid ideas over and over again.

Rikishi is announced for the Hall of Fame. The loser Usos dance to celebrate. Does no one think before they map out these shows?

Damien Mizdow vs. Sin Cara

Miz makes Mizdow take off the sunglasses because he isn’t the stunt double anymore. Damien takes over but gets sent outside where Miz requests a water. That’s not enough thought as Miz wants him to open the water. The distraction lets Cara hit a dive over the top to take over as Miz isn’t very interested. The Reality Check puts Cara down but Miz freaks out over the Figure Four, allowing Cara to small package Mizdow for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. This was story development more than a match, but instead of doing something like having Mizdow be better than Miz, we have Mizdow lose to give us yet another loser to cheer for, because, again, THE FREAKING WRITERS DON’T THINK THROUGH THIS NONSENSE BEFORE THEY THROW IT ON TV!

Bray Wyatt asks where we go when we die. Some say we become part of the earth, but some say we go on to eternity. People like him and whoever he’s talking about though are stuck on earth for the rest of time. They don’t belong here but Bray doesn’t fear him. He pities the man he speaks to because it’s time for that man to go home.

Sheamus is still coming back. Nothing has changed in the last hour and a half.

Dean Ambrose vs. Curtis Axel

In case Axel getting squashed on Smackdown didn’t get the idea through your head. Axel says no one is going to take this from him, not even Kanye West. Dean hammers him up against the ropes to start but Axel knees him in the face and rubs Dean into the mat. We hit the early chinlock but Dean fights up with the rebound clothesline and Dirty Deeds for the pin at 2:40. The match was nothing special, but they lost me when I was told Axel was a third generation sports entertainer.

Dean won’t stop until he gets his Intercontinental Title shot. Barrett pops up and says the BNZ (Bad News Zone) still says Dean gets no shot.

Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns vs. Big Show/Kane/Joey Mercury/Jamie Noble/Seth Rollins

Here’s your “we have nothing else so here’s a big mess” main event. The five rush the two before the bell and it’s a big brawl to start. A double chokeslam plants Reigns and of course none of this warrants a DQ, meaning Bryan pulls himself up to start with Rollins. Seth talks a lot of trash and it’s off to Big Show for a slam. Reigns is nowhere in sight after the pre-match attack.

Noble comes in and gets sent into the middle turnbuckle but Mercury comes in to keep control. Seth has to break up a YES Lock and it’s off to Kane to continue the feud that will not die. Reigns finally gets up and starts beating people up but Big Show KO’s him with ease. A buckle bomb gets two on Bryan and the giants load up the announcers’ table.

Cue Ryback, Rowan and Ziggler for the save and the match…..isn’t thrown out despite three people interfering and fighting three legal men to the back. It’s the Stooges vs. Bryan now with Reigns still down. The running knee is loaded up but Reigns tags himself in and spears Mercury for the pin at 7:38.

Rating: D. This was SUCH a great way to make me want to see Reigns vs. Bryan. I mean, I don’t know about you, but seeing Kane and Big Show destroy everyone in their path is clearly the most interesting thing in the world. Boring match here and just a glorified squash because the Authority must look strong no matter what. To sum up this match, Bryan and Reigns can’t combine to beat up Big Show/Kane/Rollins, but can beat up two Stooges. I’m so glad I sat through two matches tonight to establish that fact.

Bryan is upset at Reigns for trying to leave. He shoves Roman away and eats a spear to end the show with Reigns getting a heel reaction.

Overall Rating: D+. This show got a lot better after the first half hour, but my goodness a lot of the booking on here drove me insane. It’s clear that this company either doesn’t think these shows through before airing them or just doesn’t care that people actually see them. I have no reason to care about a lot of the people I’m supposed to care about in so many of these stories for one simple reason: people don’t cheer for losers. Why is that so hard to comprehend?

Another thing that should be easily comprehended: there is no need for a PPV between the Rumble and Wrestlemania. Just let us have a long build instead of this mess. You could easily do Reigns vs. Bryan as a major Raw match and then save the rest of the stuff either for Wrestlemania or just not do it because the stories aren’t all that great. I get the Network business idea behind it, but that doesn’t do much for the on screen product.

Results

Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns b. Kane/Big Show via DQ when Show threw Bryan into the timekeeper’s area

Ryback b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble interfered

Paige b. Brie Bella – Rampaige

Bray Wyatt b. Dolph Ziggler – Sister Abigail

New Day b. Goldust/Stardust – Rollup to Goldust

Tyson Kidd/Cesaro b. Usos – Kidd pinned Jey after Cesaro shoved him off the top rope

Sin Cara b. Damien Mizdow – Small package

Dean Ambrose b. Curtis Axel – Dirty Deeds

Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns b. Joey Mercury/Jamie Noble/Seth Rollins/Big Show/Kane – Spear to Mercury

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 10, 1999
Location: Orlando Arena, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to Over the Edge and the Corporate Ministry is running roughshod over the company. The Undertaker is about as evil as you could imagine but that would change in the near future. However, there’s now a pair of superheroes to fight him as Rock is full on face and ready for war alongside Steve Austin. Also, Vince McMahon has formed the Union to help in the fight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Shane dominating Raw last week and Rock and Austin being destroyed.

The Corporate Ministry and Union with their respective McMahon leaders walk into the arena.

Kane vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn poses on the floor but Kane jumps him to get things going. A big boot drops Gunn and he tries to leave but Kane will have none of that. Kane drags him to the apron and reverse suplexes him back in as the destruction continues. Billy comes back with some dropkicks to the leg followed by a chop block to put Kane in trouble. He tries to drag Kane to the floor but Billy charges into absolutely nothing to put him down.

I mean, Kane raised his boot, but considering I could see half the Titantron in the gap between the boot and Billy’s face, we can’t call it a boot to the face. They head back inside but Billy nails a dropkick to knock Kane backwards and tie the monster’s foot in the ropes. This brings out Road Dogg and X-Pac to save Kane as the match is thrown out somewhere in there.

Rating: D. That boot was so horrible that I can’t call this a good match as a result. Kane was still at the point where it was hard to find a way to hurt him so Billy did what he could. It wasn’t a good match but at least they tried. The kicks to the leg were smart and this was entertaining enough. That missed boot made me laugh though.

Post match the former Outlaws brawl into the crowd but Mark Henry and D’Lo Brown, the challengers for Kane/X-Pac’s Tag Team Titles come down and attack X-Pac. Kane gets free and makes the save.

Here’s the Union led out by riot guards. Vince tells Shane to come out here right now so here’s Shane, flanked by the Corporate Ministry. Shane says that he doesn’t need Vince anymore because this is his new family. One day, this will all be his. The lights go out and Shawn Michaels pops up on screen. He thinks Shane’s matchmaking last week was ok but let’s see how good Shawn can do it. First of all, he’s going to add Vince McMahon as a second guest referee at Over the Edge. As for tonight, we’re going to have a lumberjack match with Faarooq vs. Bradshaw with the Union as the lumberjacks.

Also let’s have Test vs. Big Bossman in a Nightstick on a Pole match. Third, it’s the Mean Street Posse vs. the Stooges in a Loser Leaves the WWF match. Next, Ken Shamrock vs. Chyna and Big Show vs. Paul Bearer, and if anyone interferes, Undertaker loses his title shot at the pay per view. I’ve lost track of the numbers at this point but there’s also Viscera and Mideon vs. Cactus Jack and Debra vs. Sable in an Evening Gown match for the Women’s Title and if Sable doesn’t show up, she’s stripped of the Women’s Title. Finally, Undertaker/HHH/Shane vs. Austin/Rock/Vince with a special referee.

Shawn is STILL not done as he has the riot guards unmask as Patterson, Brisco, and SHAWN, who claimed to have been in San Antonio. Ok, he made way too many matches at once (EIGHT) but that was AWESOME and totally got me. The segment ran a little long but the payoff at the end was worth it.

Big Show vs. Paul Bearer

Shawn drags Bearer to the ring and sits in on commentary. A big boot puts Bearer down and there’s a huge elbow drop for good measure. Big Show grabs the mic and asks Shawn to waive the rule about Corporate Ministry members coming to the ring during the match. Shawn obliges and here’s Undertaker, but he takes too long and Big Show drops another elbow on Bearer. The Ministry comes in and attacks Show but the Union comes in for the save. No rating of course.

The Corpoate Ministry bails.

Women’s Title: Debra vs. Sable

Shawn is on commentary again. Sable is defending and this is an Evening Gown match. Sable has bodyguard Val Venis with her. Before the match we get the Grind but here’s Val Venis to interrupt. The distraction lets Sable rip off Debra’s gown for the win in less than a minute.

Val is here to see Debra but backs away from Bass, allowing Jeff Jarrett to run out and blast Venis with a guitar. Shawn gets in the ring and tells Bass to “step off mister.” He sees the rules for Evening Gown matches a little differently. We WANT to see women out of their gowns, so Debra wins and is the new champion. This was Sable’s last night in the company for about four years.

Shane gives Undertaker and HHH a pep talk.

Big Bossman vs. Test

Nightstick on a Pole and you win by pin. They run each other over to start and Test goes for the post, only to have his trunks pulled down. This time Test pulls him down off the ropes and kicks him in the ribs. Bossman gets tied up in the ropes and punched a lot before falling out to the floor. A low blow stops Test and gets him caught in the Tree of Woe but Bossman pulls him out.

Now it’s Bossman going up again but Test pulls him down and suplexes him. They head outside with Bossman ramming the Canadian into the steps before we hit a neck crank back inside. Bossman lets go and climbs again, only to get caught in an electric chair. Test gets the nightstick but Bossman pulls out a metal pipe to nail Test. A nightstick shot to the head gives Bossman the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a waste of time as almost all of the match was Bossman going for the nightstick and Test stopping him, only to get beaten up. I don’t know why Russo was so obsessed with these matches as they really weren’t very entertaining due to that same formula taking place every time.

Val Venis goes on a rant against Jeff Jarrett and wants to face him tonight.

Mideon/Viscera vs. Cactus Jack

Hardcore match. Jack comes out with….basketballs? He chucks them at Viscera to knock the big man back before hitting a flip dive off the apron to Mideon. The numbers catch up with Jack though and a double chair shot to the face puts him down. There’s a double elbow drop for two and the fans try to rally behind Cactus.

Mideon nails him in the face with a chair and Viscera stands on Cactus’ chest. The lackeys make the mistake of lowering their heads and get caught in a double DDT. Cactus puts a trashcan over Mideon and blasts it with a chair. Viscera gets knocked to the floor and an elbow chair shot from the apron is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. It’s better than the nightstick match but this year continues to be such a mess as you can’t get into anything with how insane it is. Cactus winning is a good thing as you want the Union to get some wins and he’s the group’s top star. It also shows the value of lackeys like Mideon and Viscera as they can take a beating to give the big stars a win over part of the heel group.

Chyna is ready for Shamrock.

Faarooq vs. Bradshaw

Lumberjack match with the Union minus Cactus and carrying 2x4s on the floor. Faarooq says there won’t be a match because everyone knows who would win. Bradshaw disagrees but they agree to let it go, only to have both try a cheap shot. Mankind joins the Union at ringside as Faarooq nails a spinebuster for no cover. Bradshaw goes to the floor and is violently thrown back in.

Bradshaw nails the Clothesline and now it’s Faarooq being thrown back into the ring. Bradshaw gets two off a powerbomb but dives into a powerslam for two. Faarooq comes back with a Cactus Clothesline to put both guys on the floor but the Corporate Ministry comes in to try and break it up. The Acolytes eventually calm down but the Union cleans house. Too short to rate but of course it was more story than action.

The Union gets in the ring and the Corporate Ministry runs, leaving Viscera behind to take a beating.

Mean Street Posse vs. Pat Patterson/Gerald Brisco

Here’s an infamous one. Losers leave the company. This is two on two as Joey Abs is nowhere in sight. Patterson and Brisco come out in the riot gear to Real American, drawing out a bunch of lame jokes from Ross and Lawler. The Posse beats up the old guys on the floor before the bell, leaving Brisco to fight on his own. He actually does pretty well at first but Pete Gas slams him down.

A double clothesline drops him again but Patterson comes in with the riot helmet to nail both of them. The old guys clean house and it’s Brisco with a Figure Four and Patterson with a Boston crab for the double submission to get rid of the Posse. This is a total joke but it is GLORIOUS and never fails to bring a huge smile to my face.

Ken Shamrock says he can’t hit a woman.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Val Venis

Before the match, Jeff does the Hello Ladies bit but doesn’t go further than saying the words. Val charges to the ring and we’re ready to go. Jarrett is dropped face first onto the steps and then the barricade. Val can’t piledrive him on the floor as Jeff backdrops him to take over. Back in and Val grabs a powerslam for two but stops for some bumping and grinding. A fisherman’s suplex gets the same on Jarrett but he comes back with a quick DDT. After some strutting we hit the sleeper on Val for all of three seconds.

Jeff DDTs the arm for two and the fans want Puppies. They trade rollups for two each before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Val is up first and nails some knees to the ribs and Russian legsweep. Debra gets on the apron for a distraction and Val gets caught in a sunset flip for two. She takes off her jacket as Val heads up. You should know what’s coming now. Jeff nails Val with the Women’s Title for the pin.

Rating: D+. Somehow this was the best technical match of the night. It wasn’t any good and the whole match was spent waiting on Debra to take the jacket off. These two are capable of having a good match, but that’s a bad idea in 1999 and this is a good example of such issues.

More Beaver Cleavage stuff, this time about the mom working on knees. Beaver’s skinned knee that is.

Chyna vs. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock comes out in jeans and doesn’t want to do this. He yells at HHH and threatens him but Chyna slaps Ken. There’s a forearm and Ken snaps but HHH goes after him. The guys brawl and there’s no match.

Chyna gets belly to bellied and Shamrock snaps.

Steve Austin/The Rock/Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon/Undertaker/HHH

Shawn is guest referee and Rock is coming in with a broken arm. Shane jumps his dad before the superheroes get here and the brawl is on fast. Rock comes out to beat up HHH but Undertaker plants Vince with a Tombstone. Rock and HHH fight in the ring as Undertaker strangles the unconscious Vince with a cord. Austin finally comes out to go after Undertaker as Shane has been nailed by Rock’s cast.

There’s no semblance of order at all here of course. Austin can’t Stun Undertaker but he can counter a Pedigree attempt. There’s a Rock Bottom to HHH but Undertaker makes the save. Austin pulls the dead man to the floor as the McMahons get back in. A Stunner puts Shane out but Austin pulls Vince off Shane. Instead it’s a second Stunner to give Austin the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m hesitant to call this a match as the whole thing was insane but it served its purpose of having a huge brawl. I like the character traits between Austin and Vince as they shouldn’t be working together, even when they’re forced to. Shawn really played no important role here.

Overall Rating: D. Most of the matches were bad to very bad and I’m not sure if anything was added to Fully Loaded. Other than the opening match, nothing was made in advance and a title changed hands because a woman lost a match. I know these shows were awesome when they first aired but time has not been kind to a lot of them.

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