Monday Night Raw – February 18, 2008: Target Acquired

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 18, 2008
Location: Honda Center, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

No Way Out is out of the way and now we have a clear path to Wrestlemania XXIV in just over a month. It’s time to start the build and the good thing is you can probably see a few of the matches from here. As for this week, Vince McMahon gets to face Hornswoggle in a cage, because this story is still going. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Way Out if you need a recap.

Here is new #1 contender HHH to get things going. HHH talks about how happy he is, because last year he was getting ready to go watch Wrestlemania from a wheelchair backstage. Well now he is back where he belongs and he is going to become a 12 time World Champion, but here is (still WWE Champion) Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton says this title reign started with HHH, who he beat to become the champion. Four years ago, HHH was jealous of Orton because Orton was that much better.

Cue John Cena to interrupt as well because he wants to wait a cotton picking minute (Cena: “Yeah I went there.”). Cena accuses Orton of losing his way into Wrestlemania so tonight, let’s have a rematch for the title with the winner facing HHH. Orton appeals to HHH, who doesn’t really care who he faces at Wrestlemania.

Cue William Regal to say HHH is going to Wrestlemania no matter what, but tonight Orton will face Cena….in a non-title match. If Cena wins, he moves on to the main event of Wrestlemania in a triple threat match. HHH isn’t cool with that because he has already earned his shot, but Regal makes it more interesting: HHH can be guest referee for Orton vs. Cena. This was shorter than I would have expected to come up with something like that.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Snitsky

Snitsky shoves him down without much trouble to start and there’s the boot choke in the corner. Hardy isn’t having that and sends him into the corner for the slingshot dropkick. A big boot puts Snitsky on the floor in a crash and we take a break. Back with Hardy caught in a bearhug and then getting shouldered down hard. Three elbows give Snitsky two and we hit a crossface choke (minus the arm trap).

Snitsky lets that go and misses a big leg, allowing Hardy to hit the Whisper in the Wind for two. The Twist of Fate is blocked and a big boot drops Hardy for two more. The pumphandle slam is loaded up but Hardy reverses into the Twist of Fate. That’s enough to set up the Swanton to send Hardy to Wrestlemania.

Rating: C+. A smaller hero vs. a monster is something that will always work and they had it going well here. That is all you need in a lot of cases and Hardy being one of the most popular stars in the company helps a lot. They had a perfectly fine story here and Hardy knows exactly how to do a match like this one. Nice job.

Mike Adamle brings out Shawn Michaels for a chat. Shawn gets right to the point: the greatest wrestler of all time and the man who inspired him to get into wrestling is going into the WWE Hall Of Fame. The fans give a WOO and we see the Ric Flair Hall of Fame video. Your mileage on Flair may vary, but I don’t think this is anything resembling a controversial pick.

Paul Burchill vs. Super Crazy

Katie Lea is here with Burchill (who gets a PAUL THE PIRATE chant) and we get an inset promo where they talk about how attractive the other is. Burchill strikes away to start and curb stomps Crazy for the very fast pin. Total dominance.

Randy Orton comes in to see HHH and hints at an alliance, but HHH says he’s only going to do things that favor him.

We look at Big Show returning last night to attack Rey Mysterio, with Floyd Mayweather Jr. making the save and breaking Show’s nose.

Here is Big Show for a chat. Show was asked to come out here and apologize for what happened last night. He will apologize, even though he thinks Mayweather should apologize. Show asks Mayweather to come out here in person, so cue Mayweather with about six other people behind him.

Mayweather says he has been a WWE fan for many years and he’s sorry things went that way last night. He was called out and had to retaliate. Show says he was just trying to get some publicity and apologizes. They shake hands and Mayweather leaves in peace….but Show says hang on a minute.

Show wants to get something off his chest: the only way Mayweather could hurt him was on his knees and he was STILL bigger than Mayweather. The truth is Show could take him out in two minutes and the challenge is on. Mayweather, and entourage, come back to the ring and sure let’s do it. The tease of a right hand makes Show back up but Mayweather leaves. I think I know where this is going.

Video on Money in the Bank.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Mr. Kennedy vs. Val Venis

Kennedy, with new music, sends Venis shoulder first into the post to start and goes after the arm on the mat. The armbar goes on as JR is smart enough to say that Venis is recently back from elbow surgery. Back up and the Mic Check sends Kennedy to Wrestlemania in a hurry.

Vince McMahon vs. Hornswoggle

In a cage. Finlay comes to the ring and wants to fight for Hornswoggle but is told to get out. Cue JBL to slam the cage door on the back of Finlay’s head and then handcuff him to the top rope. Vince pulls out a belt and whips Hornswoggle as Finlay can’t do anything. Vince leaves and JBL throws Hornswoggle into the cage.

Finlay tells JBL to beat him up instead but Hornswoggle gets kicked in the head. The fall away slam into the cage leaves Hornswoggle laying and even Vince says that’s enough as JBL leaves. This was more intense than I would have bet on, with commentary being silent making it better. No match of course.

Here are Santino Marella and Maria for a chat. We get a poll on if Maria should pose for Playboy, with 94% saying yes. I know it’s a popular concept, but maybe you should wait a bit after such a serious moment? Anyway Santino announces that Maria is posing but Beth cuts him off for a match that Maria didn’t seem to know what was coming. Hold on though as Santino reads the fine print: no Playboy unless Maria wins here!

Beth Phoenix vs. Maria

Non-title and Beth slams her down with ease to start. Cue the returning Candice Michelle for a distraction though and Maria grabs a rollup. There was no way to do this without pinning the unstoppable champion?

Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Non-title but if Cena wins, the Raw World Title match at Wrestlemania is a triple threat, also involving guest referee HHH. Cena backs him into the corner to start but Orton scores with an uppercut. A dropkick has Cena out on the apron and Orton knocks him into the announcers’ table as we take a break.

Back with Cena getting a boot up in the corner and dropping an elbow for a fast two. Orton is right back up and a hanging DDT gets two on Cena, followed by the snap powerslam for the same. The circle stomps set up a jumping knee to the head for two more and frustration is setting in.

We hit the chinlock so Cena is up fast, only to miss a charge into the corner as he still can’t keep anything going. Cena shrugs off a ran into the buckle and initiates the finishing sequence but Orton grabs the rope to block the FU. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps but the RKO is countered into the STFU. The rope is grabbed so Cena yells at HHH, only to duck a cheap shot from Orton. A quick FU sends Cena to Wrestlemania.

Rating: C+. So there’s one of your Wrestlemania main events as you knew the ending to Orton vs. Cena last night was going to wind up going somewhere. Cena being added to the match does add something fresh to the whole thing, but this wasn’t exactly a classic. The match felt big, but another champion gets pinned, albeit with some shenanigans.

HHH Pedigrees both of them and poses with the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I’ve got a feeling this is going to be the start of the Wrestlemania season trend, as there was very little here in the way of wrestling. Instead, this was ALL about setting up Wrestlemania in one form or another. I can go for that, as they don’t have very long before Wrestlemania and the rapid fire build has begun. Good enough stuff here, but it’s all about the future.

 

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Monday Night Raw – February 4, 2008: Needs More Filler

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 4, 2008
Location: Frank Irwin Center, Austin, Texas
Attendance: 13,552
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So we are firmly into the build for No Way Out, which will feature John Cena challenging Randy Orton for the Raw World Title, plus an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw World Title shot at Wrestlemania. Thankfully we’re only getting the build toward one Elimination Chamber match, which should fill in most of this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Randy Orton is in the ring to start things off and it looks like we’ve got a contract signing. Orton recaps the setup of his title match with John Cena at No Way Out, which is Cena’s Royal Rumble title shot. That’s not good enough for Orton though, which is why he wants a contract signed so Cena has no way out. Orton’s lawyers have already signed the contract and he has signed it, so get Cena out here to sign it too.

After a quick walk through the back, here is Cena to quite the ovation. Cena wastes no time in signing and Orton is rather pleased, because the match is on no matter what happens to Cena, including in his arm wrestling match with Mark Henry tonight. Cue Henry for a distraction so the RKO can lay Cena out. They certainly didn’t waste time here.

Post break, Henry and Orton deny planning anything in advance. Violence is promised for later tonight.

Kelly Kelly/Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix/Victoria

Kelly goes after Victoria to start and manages a backslide, which has commentary far too impressed. Mickie comes in to go after Beth but gets pulled off the top, which might be a knee injury. A guillotine works a bit better for Mickie but Beth powers her into the corner. Everything breaks down and Mickie hits a tornado DDT to finish Victoria.

Mickie wants the title.

William Regal tells Hornswoggle to get ready to join Vince McMahon’s special club. Regal: “I’m in it!”

Here is Shawn Michaels, with JR saying HHH isn’t here tonight due to a family emergency. Shawn talks about how close he got to winning the WWE Title last year at Wrestlemania but he doesn’t want to be second place. He is ready to go back this year so everyone in the Elimination Chamber is on notice. Shawn: “Friend, family and Umaga….whatever he is, he’s on notice too!”

Cue Chris Jericho to interrupt to say he respects Shawn and how much he loved their Wrestlemania match. But then Shawn suggested he is going to win the Elimination Chamber and that’s too far. Jericho has been inside the Chamber three times and knows what it takes to make it to the main event of Wrestlemania. Cue Jeff Hardy to interrupt to say that he’ll be going to the main event of Wrestlemania for the first time.

Now it’s JBL interrupting to say he gets what he wants. He has bought Umaga to get him to the main event of Wrestlemania….so here is Umaga to interrupt. After staring down the good guys, Umaga turns to JBL and backs him into the corner, which brings out Snitsky, to say the other five have had their chances. Fans: “BRUSH YOUR TEETH!”

Shawn doesn’t care for threats and mocks Snitsky’s teeth before hitting him in the face. The brawl is on and we probably have a six man for later. Indeed as William Regal comes out to make the six man tag. This took a long time to get to the point and was mainly there to get all six of the Elimination Chamber participants out there.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Super Crazy

Kennedy dropkicks the knee out to start and hammers away at the leg. The knee is twisted back and then around the post but Crazy uses the free leg to kick Kennedy in the head. That’s broken up and Kennedy grabs…kind of an inverted Figure Four for the fast tap. At least the hold was different than just a copy of Flair’s Figure Four.

Post match Kennedy shows us a clip of MVP taking out Ric Flair’s knee last week on Smackdown. Therefore, Kennedy is giving Flair a chance to come here next week and forfeit the No Way Out match and save his leg. They’re taking a different path to Kennedy vs. Flair and it’s more interesting than I would have thought.

Mike Adamle hypes up the Raw Elimination Chamber.

Video on the Chamber itself.

Carlito/Santino Marella vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Maria is here with Carlito and Marella. Kendrick dropkicks Carlito for a fast two but Marella low bridges him to the floor. London chases Marella around the ring, leaving Carlito to hit a Backstabber to finish Kendrick. Remember when London and Kendrick were one of the best teams in the company?

Vince McMahon is preparing for Hornswoggle to join his, ahem, special club. This involves a, quote, “Professional a** buffer” and “a** cream”. Vince: “Mr. McMahon’s a** in HD!”

Here’s Vince to humiliate Hornswoggle again. He talks about how you can’t reason with a child, so you have to discipline them. After ranting about children in the audience, Vince says you have to literally make them kiss your a**. Cue Hornswoggle, who Vince blames for the whole thing and it’s going to hurt Vince more than him.

Vince drops his pants and asks for a pardon of the tan lines. Hornswoggle goes to kiss it but Vince demands that he kiss it (that felt like a missed cue). Cue Finlay to ask what is wrong with Vince, who threatens a firing. Actually, Finlay can kiss it instead, but Hornswoggle gives it a bite. That doesn’t work for Vince, who makes himself vs. Hornswoggle next week, No DQ, and if Finlay interferes, he’s fired. This was WAY longer than any segment involving Vince not wearing pants should have been.

Cody Rhodes/Hardcore Holly vs. Trevor Murdoch/Lance Cade

Non-title. Holly elbows Murdoch down to start so it’s off to Cade to run Holly over right back. That doesn’t last long and Cody comes in with a top rope ax handle, setting up a bulldog. Everything breaks down and Cody DDTs Murdoch for the pin.

Post match Carlito and Santino Marella come out to challenge for the titles. Egads that’s a rough time for the belts.

No Way Out rundown.

Shawn Michaels/Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/Snitsky/Umaga

Shawn and Umaga start things off with Shawn’s chops having no effect. Umaga misses a sitdown splash so Jericho comes in and gets headbutted down without much trouble. It’s off to Snitsky to miss a big boot, allowing Jericho to triangle dropkick him out to the floor. Hardy comes in (big reaction for that) and gets slammed by Snitsky, allowing JBL to pound away.

A hard shoulder drops Hardy but Snitsky comes in and allows the tag off to Shawn. Something like an Indian Deathlock has Snitsky in trouble but everything breaks down. The good guys hit triple dives and we take a break with the fans sounding rather enthusiastic. Back with Jericho in trouble and getting caught in the wrong corner.

Umaga grabs a bearhug before hitting the Samoan drop for two. Jericho tries to fight out but gets kicked in the back to cut him right back down. An enziguri gives Jericho a breather though and the hot tag brings in Hardy to clean house. Everything breaks down and the Twist of Fate into the Swanton finishes Snitsky.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard, long form six man here with Hardy winning for the feel good moment. Hardy is going to be the fan favorite in the Chamber and giving him some momentum on the way there is the right thing to do. The fans wanted to see him do anything here and it’s not like Jericho and Shawn need to pin Snitsky. Basic six man formula here and it worked just fine.

And now, arm wrestling between John Cena and Mark Henry. As expected, Henry takes forever to start and gets in a cheap shot on Cena’s recently injured chest. They go, Henry is about to win, Cena is about to win, Randy Orton runs in to jump Cena. The RKO and AA are blocked and Orton runs, leaving Cena to AA Henry to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a weird show as they had two stories, with the Elimination Chamber stuff and John Cena vs. Randy Orton. That filled in part of the show, but there wasn’t much else to fill in time other than those two stories. Unfortunately the other big story was Vince/Hornswoggle and….yeah that was as Vince of a segment as you could have had. No Way Out is all but set and that has me wondering how bad things are going to go next week when they don’t have much to say. For now though, it was just an ok show without much to fill in the gaps between the big stuff.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – November 26, 2007: I’m Worried For The Future

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 26, 2007
Location: Bobcats Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,900
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the holiday week and the big story coming out of last week is the return of Chris Jericho. You can see the Raw main event of next month’s pay per view from here but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Jericho is an instant main eventer and someone to give Orton a challenge, though he might have some rust to shake off first. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Jericho’s return last week and his challenge to Orton for a Raw World Title shot.

Opening sequence.

HHH/Jeff Hardy vs. Snitsky/Umaga

Hardy and Snitsky start things off with Hardy being sent straight into the corner for the tag off to HHH. Some shoulders to the ribs slow HHH down but he avoids a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. That lets HHH start in on the arm before both villains are sent to the floor. Hardy dives onto the two of them but gets caught, meaning HHH has to knock the three of them down as we take a break.

Back with Umaga hitting Hardy with the swinging Rock Bottom and Snitsky coming in to crank on both of Hardy’s arms. An elbow to the face drops Hardy and Umaga adds a spinwheel kick for two. The neck crank goes on for a bit before Hardy flips out of Snitsky’s pumphandle slam. A dropkick into the back allows the hot tag to HHH so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Snitsky is sent out to the floor. HHH clotheslines him out over the barricade and Jeff hits a Whisper in the Wind on Umaga. The Pedigree into the Swanton finishes for Hardy.

Rating: C. They didn’t have much drama here and that isn’t the biggest surprise. Hardy is on a roll and HHH is HHH so they shouldn’t be having trouble with Snitsky and a rapidly decreasing Umaga. Hardy seems ready to move up to the next level and being around HHH, in one way or another, is a good way to do that.

Post match here is William Regal to say he wants to see both of them fighting at Armageddon, and they’ll just do that against each other (with the clarification that it will be non-title).

Ric Flair arrives and Lawler thinks he might have a special announcement.

Here is Flair for a chat. Flair seems serious and that he has an announcement to make. The fans here have always been so good to him, as has every city he has ever competed in, the world over. He has been gone for six months because everyone knows that his career can’t go on forever. That’s why he has gotten involved in a lot of other things, but there will be a time when he has to retire. Right now though, he is announcing…..THAT HE WILL NEVER RETIRE! He loves this business and is going nowhere but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt.

Vince said Flair had him going and hopes that Flair goes on forever….as long as he keeps winning. That’s exactly what he said: Flair can keep wrestling as long as he keeps winning, but once he loses, his career is over. Vince: “Good luck Ric, and I hope you don’t die anytime soon.” Vince goes to leave but here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton thanks Flair for everything over the years, both in and out of the ring. He also thanks Flair for the pleasure of ending his career tonight, so Vince makes the match for tonight.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Highlanders vs. Cody Rhodes/Hardcore Holly/Super Crazy/Jim Duggan

Robbie works on Crazy’s wrist to start but Crazy pulls him over to Duggan to take over. The arm cranking ensues until Cody gets elbowed in the face. Cade comes in to knee him in the ribs and it’s off to Murdoch to work on the arm. That’s broken up and Cody sends Murdoch arm first into the post, allowing the hot tag to Holly. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam finishes Robbie as Duggan, again, never tagged in.

Rating: C-. As usual, there is only so much you can do with a match like this as they had a lot of people and not much time to use. Holly and Rhodes working well together is somewhat interesting and it isn’t like there are any other teams around to get in the way of their title shot. Duggan never actually tagging in is kind of a funny deal for him, as it isn’t like his team is going to go anywhere anyway.

Jeff Hardy has had fun teaming with HHH but he hesitates to call them friends. HHH comes in to say he doesn’t do the friends thing and at Armageddon, Jeff is in the ring with the Game.

We look back at Shawn Michaels superkicking a chair into Mr. Kennedy’s face last week.

Mr. Kennedy has a copy of the new Shawn Michaels Heartbreak and Triumph DVD but doesn’t sound overly impressed. He talks about Shawn losing matches but also his smile, which is a good lesson. Shawn also whines a lot as he keeps his main event spot in spite of a bunch of young, hungry wrestlers. There are some highs and lows, but Shawn’s lowest point will come when he faces Kennedy.

Ric Flair is in the back with Arn Anderson and Barry Windham for the surprise cameos.

Here is Chris Jericho, who is here to save us from Randy Orton and become WWE Champion. Everyone but Orton gets this and that is because Orton has the IQ of a kumquat. Jericho makes it simple by saying “me want title match.” He even has visual aides with a photo of himself (Me), Cookie Monster (Want), the WWE Title (Title), and a match (Match).

Jericho wants an answer but gets Santino Marella instead. Marella calls him KYJ but Jericho can’t get his name right either (Sandusky? Santana? Santa Maria?). Finally Santino snaps and shouts his name, with Jericho managing to get it. Santino says he’s ready to beat Jericho up so Jericho wants a referee out here right now. Hold on as Santino needs to warm up, meaning he decks Jerry Lawler and we take a break.

Santino Marella vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho kicks him into the corner and chokes a bit to start, setting up a suplex. The triangle dropkick puts Marella on the floor but he’s back in with a neckbreaker for two. The chinlock goes on but Jericho is right back up. An atomic drop and bulldog set up the debuting Codebreaker for the pin to finish Santino.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to see here other than “hey Jericho wrestles too”. Oh and that new finisher thing but I can’t imagine it goes anywhere. Jericho still looks weird with the hair but the charisma that he has is more than enough to make up for anything that is off with his look. Marella continues to become one of the most annoying things in WWE and that is a good thing to have around.

Post match Jericho has Lawler come in the ring to beat on Santino a bit. Jericho jumps on commentary as Lawler drops the middle rope fist for the feel good beating.

Shawn Michaels wishes Ric Flair good luck and gives him a pep talk. Flair promises to go out in a blaze of glory, which has Shawn thinking.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick

Kennedy shoves him around to start and shrugs off a dropkick. Some stomping in the corner sets up a Downward Spiral to put Kendrick away fast.

Post match Kennedy challenges Shawn Michaels for Armageddon.

Smackdown Rebound.

Hornswoggle is in Vince McMahon’s office, with Vince going over Hornswoggle’s recent luck. Finlay has been around a lot in those moments though, and that’s why Vince is giving Finlay a match with Great Khali at Armageddon. As for Hornswoggle, Vince sends him to get an ice cream sandwich. With Hornswoggle gone, Vince grabs a walkie talkie and says “Mr. Rogers Has Left The Neighborhood. Repeat: Mr. Rogers Has Left The Neighborhood.”

We cut to Hornswoggle with a box of ice cream sandwiches, but then he sees a sign for FREE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES. He goes into the room, where Carlito is waiting. Hornswoggle is scared, but pulls out some spray paint and paints a hole in the wall. He runs through said hole, and disappears. Then Carlito tries to do it and hits his face on the wall. Ron Simmons cameoing ensues. Eh Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner did it better. The breaking the laws of….I guess matter, not the cameoing.

Mickie James vs. Melina

The winner gets a Women’s Title shot at the pay per view so Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Feeling out process to start until Melina kicks her in the face for an early one. Mickie takes her into the corner and tosses her back out though, setting up the Thesz press for two. A hurricanrana out of the corner sets up the MickieDT to finish Melina fast.

The roster applauds Ric Flair on his way to the ring. HHH shakes his hand and hugs him, telling Flair to show them who he is.

Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and Flair’s career is on the line. Flair chops away to start and drops Orton with an elbow to the face. Back up and Orton punches his way out of the corner, setting up the backdrop to put Flair down again. That means the circle stomp is on but Orton misses the big knee. He settles for a dropkick to take Flair down again though and we hit the chinlock.

Flair fights up and gets clotheslined to the floor, where Orton suplexes him for a bonus. The headlock goes on back inside but Flair is out again, this time starting in on the leg. The Figure Four is locked in the middle of the ring (the fans are WAY into this) but Orton makes the rope. Orton hits the RKO for two, with Flair grabbing the rope as well. A bunch of right hands to the head have Flair in more trouble but here is Chris Jericho to distract the referee. Flair uses said distraction to get in a low blow and rollup (with trunks) for the upset pin.

Rating: C+. This is a good example of a match that wasn’t anything of note on its own but was boosted up by the crowd’s reactions. The fans were into everything that Flair was doing and that is enough to move things up all the higher. The ending gives Orton some protection and should further set up the already set Jericho title match so at least they got somewhere with the result.

Overall Rating: C-. Forgive me for not being thrilled with a show that featured all kinds of Flair praise and Hornswoggle running through a hole in the wall. The rest of the show was pretty lame as well, as Raw continues to trail pretty far behind Smackdown week to week. Jericho vs. Orton should be good, but this show has me worried about how the top stories for this show are going to go in the next few weeks.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – November 5, 2007: A Wacky Side Trip With Special Appearances

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2007
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,133
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and now that the Smackdown main event has been announced, you have to expect the Raw counterpart will be set up soon. The big story tonight is a one night reunion of D-Generation X, as HHH needs some help deal with Randy Orton and Umaga. Sounds Survivor Seriesish to me. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Fabulous Moolah.

Opening sequence.

Here is D-Generation X to get things going. After a fairly long entrance, HHH says this is for one night only and asks if we’re ready. The catchphrase is loaded up but a crotch chopping Hornswoggle interrupts. HHH: “Well that’s…different.” HHH tells him to get back under the ring but Hornswoggle doesn’t listen. Shawn is asked for a run sheet and, after going through all of his merchandise, finds said sheet in his boot (Shawn: “In case I forget what I’m supposed to do.”).

The sheet says DX PROMO in segment one at 9PM (HHH: “East coast time.”) and Hornswoggle isn’t on until the short segment. Hornswoggle then armdrags Shawn into an armscissors (with HHH pointing out that it is the SHORT armscissors). Shawn: “I’m going to make a judgment call here: for tonight, he’s in.”. Hornswoggle doesn’t want to go under the ring because there’s a monster under there.

Shawn goes to look….and is pulled under. He comes back up with worms in his mouth so here is the Boogeyman. HHH hands him a mic, with Boogeyman saying “I’M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I’M COMING TO…..see if I can join DX.” Shawn makes another executive decision and lets Boogeyman in again so here is Great Khali as a bonus. Shawn: “To keep me from turning into a human Slim Jim, let’s pretend he isn’t here and move on.” HHH goes into an Indian impression that would get him thrown off the air today but now it’s Coach interrupting.

HHH isn’t having this and tells Runjin Singh what Coach said about Khali earlier. Shawn, who CAN’T LIE, backs HHH up and Khali chases Coach to the floor. Everyone else leaves, with Shawn saying he doesn’t know who writes this anymore but this is the worst thing he’s seen since that Katie Vick thing. HHH: “I don’t think anyone writes this crap. They’re on strike.” Catchphrases are hit to wrap up the wackiness.

Actor Luke Perry is here. There are some kids around him, and if one of those is his son, we have seen the wrestling debut of the future Jungle Boy.

We look back at Kelly Kelly winning last week’s Halloween battle royal and getting destroyed by Beth Phoenix after.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Non-title and Phoenix grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for the pin in less than a minute. Well so much for Kelly for the time being, which is how it should go in this situation.

Santino Marella knows that Steve Austin will be here tonight and mocks Austin’s acting abilities. He even throws in a paper bag, so Austin can act his way out of it.

Carlito vs. Joey Munoz

Hold on though as Carlito says he isn’t wrestling so here is a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Joey Munoz

Pumphandle slam finishes Munoz in about thirty seconds.

Post match Snitsky kicks Carlito in the face and gives him the pumphandle slam too. Time for another Snitsky push it seems.

We get a Jeff Hardy video set to Rooftops by Lostprophets. This is actually on Peacock despite it being a music video and the Lostprophets singer being a monster. That aside, this is a heck of a video, with the lyrics about screaming and dropping bombs being timed to shots of fans screaming for Hardy and Swantons. You can tell something big is coming for him and that is a very good idea. Ignore Jerry Lawler being heard asking “how long is it” after the video starts.

For Survivor Series: Team HHH (HHH/CM Punk/Kane/Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy) vs. Team Umaga (Umaga/MVP/Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/Big Daddy V).

Mr. Kennedy/Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio/Jeff Hardy

JR dubs Hardy and Mysterio as the WWE Air Force. Hardy and Finlay go to the mat to start until a Kennedy distraction lets Finlay hit a clothesline to the floor. We take a break and come back with Mysterio hitting a springboard crossbody on Kennedy, only to have him run Mysterio over.

It’s Finlay coming back in to go after the knee, including a half crab. The legdrop onto the knee makes it worse and Kennedy adds a right hand for two. Mysterio is back with something like a DDT, allowing the hot tag off to Hardy to clean house. The Whisper in the Wind hits Kennedy but Finlay makes the save. Rey 619s Finlay to the floor, leaving Hardy to hit the Swanton for the pin.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard midcard tag match here with the wrestlers involved being good enough to make almost anything work. Mysterio vs. Finlay is set up for a blowoff on Friday while Hardy vs. Kennedy seems to have run its course. That being said, throw in the video package before the match and it is hard to imagine they are waiting much longer on giving Hardy the main event push, which seems to have been set up for a few weeks now.

Maria tries to tell Santino Marella that Steve Austin is here but he doesn’t buy it.

Here are Maria and Santino Marella for a chat. Santino mocks the Condemned, then he mocks the Condemned’s director, then he mocks the Condemned again, then Steve Austin comes out. Austin corrects Santino’s errors in his catchphrases and then asks about the Condemned again. Santino really did hate the movie and turns down a beer, saying he would rather have a glass of red wine. Austin hands him a copy of the Condemned but Santino can’t watch it again.

There’s the Stunner, allowing Austin to put the DVD in Santino’s mouth. Austin thinks Santino is thirsty and goes to the back before coming out driving a beer truck. Santino gets sprayed down and, despite her begging, so does Maria. Beer is consumed to wrap up a segment that wasn’t funny and felt pretty out of character for Austin. I know he needs to promote a DVD, but that just doesn’t feel like an Austin thing.

SAVE US!

Vince McMahon is in the back with Hornswoggle and takes the blame for the trouble Hornswoggle has had with Jonathan Coachman. McMahon even has a way for Hornswoggle to prove himself at Survivor Series…..when he faces Great Khali.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is in the back and has been asked to talk because they need to fill in time while Steve Austin’s mess is cleaned up. Shawn Michaels comes in to say he has it set, so here are the DX Dancers….which is Big Dick Johnson. HHH isn’t impressed but Shawn says he’s a father of two so the only cool thing he knows is Dora the Explorer. Don’t worry though as HHH has The Girls Next Door (from a Playboy reality show, meaning Shawn leaves with his eyes covered). Dancing ensues and it’s very strange to see HHH…..I guess it’s dancing but I’m not sure.

Lance Cade sends Mickie James away for talking to Trevor Murdoch.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Cody Rhodes

Ignore Lilian Garcia saying Lance Cade (at ringside) is in the match by mistake. Hardcore Holly is here too and Rhodes is sent to the apron to start, where he gets in a shoulder to the ribs. Murdoch breaks that up and takes him down for a chinlock as Lawler and JR make as many redneck jokes as they can. Rhodes fights up and hits a bulldog into a knee drop for two but Cade’s distraction fails. Murdoch misses a charge into the corner though and Rhodes grabs a sunset flip for the pin. Not much to this one but Rhodes wins again.

Tribute video to Fabulous Moolah. This includes a rundown of her career highlights, such as becoming the first woman to wrestle in Madison Square Garden. I guess she wrestled herself that night.

Jim Duggan/Super Crazy vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Before the match, Duggan and Crazy chant SI/HO over and over. Haas knocks Crazy over to start and hits a slam before handing it off to Benjamin. More slamming abounds as Duggan continues to play cheerleader on the apron. Benjamin knocks Duggan off the apron but Crazy grabs a rollup (with trunks) for the pin. Duggan never tagged in but he does pat Crazy on the head after the win.

Umaga/Randy Orton vs. D-Generation X

It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Orton being sent into the announcers’ table before being thrown inside. Umaga comes in to miss a sitdown splash on Michaels, allowing HHH to grab a surprisingly effective DDT. HHH gets knocked outside though and we take a break. Back with Umaga missing a charge in the corner, allowing the tag off to Orton. That’s fine with HHH, who drops Orton almost immediately.

Michaels comes back in for the usual comeback, including the forearm and top rope elbow. Umaga isn’t having that and runs Shawn over, allowing Orton to bring Umaga in for real. Some right hands keep Shawn down in the corner and it’s back to Orton for a dropkick. The circle stomp sets up the running Umaga splash and we’re off to the nerve hold.

The middle rope headbutt misses and an enziguri to the shoulder (not sure that’s how that works) allows the hot tag back to HHH. Everything breaks down and Umaga saves Orton from the Pedigree with the Spike, setting up the running hip attack in the corner. The RKO is countered with a shove into Umaga though and Shawn comes in for a quick superkick to pin Orton.

Rating: C+. Much like the other tag match, they played the formula here and it still works, as everyone involved can do this style rather well. Shawn vs. Orton II should be a good showdown at Survivor Series, while Umaga vs. HHH at least has the team format to keep things a little more fresh. The DX reunion was good for a night, but I don’t need to see it again going forward.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure what this show was but it didn’t exactly work. Maybe it is due to Survivor Series coming up so soon, but this felt like a weird side trip rather than a show designed to help set up the pay per view. There were so many short matches that didn’t add much and it was a weird night all around. The DX reunion was fun but the Austin cameo fell pretty flat, leaving this as a not very appealing two hours. Much more strange than good this week and that isn’t a positive thing.

 

 

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Ring Of Honor TV – April 6, 2022: Take Your Time

Ring Of Honor
Date: April 6, 2022

So Supercard of Honor has come and gone and…it isn’t likely to mean anything for the time being, as Ring of Honor isn’t relaunching for a long time. That means we get to go back into the vault and that is where things can get fun. Ring of Honor has a long history and now we get to see some of it for the time being. Let’s get to it.

From The Era Of Honor Begins, February 23, 2002.

IWA Intercontinental Title Super Crazy vs. Eddie Guerrero

The title is vacant coming in and Eddie is trying to get things back together after being fired from the WWF in November. Crazy offers a handshake coming in and gets slapped in the face as Eddie isn’t friendly here. An elbow to the face and a suplex give Eddie two as commentary rapid fires off Eddie’s accolades. The headlock slows Crazy down as the fans aren’t sure who they like more.

Crazy fights up but gets caught in a belly to back suplex and the chinlock goes on. That’s broken up as well and Crazy snaps off some armdrags before hammering away in the corner. They head outside with Crazy being dropped face first onto the apron, allowing Eddie to hit a brainbuster on the floor.

We take a break and come back with Eddie hitting a slingshot hilo for two and grabbing a seated abdominal stretch. Crazy fights up again and slams him down, setting up the springboard moonsault for two. Going up takes too long though and Eddie snaps off a super hurricanrana. A hard powerbomb drops Crazy for two more and Eddie hits back to back brainbusters (prototype Three Amigos). The frog splash misses though and Crazy grabs a small package for the pin at 10:42.

Rating: B-. There is something so sweet about watching Eddie in the ring as he really was that smooth. This was a pretty big upset as Eddie was someone with a lot of experience and success on the big stage. Crazy was a star in ECW, but that isn’t quite the same as being at Wrestlemania. Nice match here, though Eddie would be back in WWE in about two months.

From The Era of Honor Begins, February 23, 2002.

American Dragon vs. Low Ki vs. Christopher Daniels

I’ve never actually seen this and Daniels, in full on evil priest gear, is billed from Kalamazoo, Michigan. Dragon (better known as Bryan Danielson) and Ki get together to kick Daniels down but Daniels is back up to knock them into a three way standoff. Ki dropkicks Dragon down but gets suplexed by Daniels. Dragon gets tied in the Tree of Woe, leaving Ki to kick away at Daniels.

That’s broken up with Dragon grabbing Cattle Mutilation so Daniels has to make a save of his own. Daniels Boston crabs Dragon and camel clutches Ki at the same time, which is quite the unique spot. With that broken up, Ki starts kicking away at Dragon until Daniels is back up.

We take a break and come back with Daniels and Ki trading chops in the corner. Dragon pulls Daniels into an Indian Deathlock with a reverse full nelson (think a kind of Gory Stretch on the mat) but lets go of the arms to northern lights suplex Ki for two at the same time. With that broken up, Dragon takes Daniels down by the arm and gets in a kick off competition with Ki, using Daniels’ back as a target. They kick each other in the leg by mistake though and everyone is down again.

We take another break and come back again with Daniels being slammed off the top, leaving Dragon to kick away at Ki. Back up and Daniels tosses Dragon at Ki for a tornado DDT. Daniels abdominal stretches Dragon on top but Ki pulls him into the Hanging Dragon for a change. Everyone is down for a bit until Ki enziguris Dragon into a Blue Thunder Bomb to give Daniels two.

Dragon catches Ki on top but Daniels joins them on top for a triple superplex to leave everyone down for a bit. A tiger suplex gives Dragon two but Daniels has to break up Ki’s Dragon Clutch. Daniels hits the (yet to be named) BME on Ki with Dragon making a save this time. Cattle Mutilation goes on Daniels but Ki makes the save with a Phoenix splash. The Ki Crusher gives Ki the pin on Daniels at 20:04.

Rating: A-. The biggest thing to remember about this match is the fact that it took place back when the WWF was still a thing. This was WAY ahead of its time and you can see the influence that this style would eventually have on wrestling. It helps that it’s almost all action between three young guys who were trying to make the fans notice. You can see why these guys were on last and it showed that ROH was going to try for something different. I’d say that it worked.

From the Conclusion, November 28, 2003.

Tag Team Titles: Briscoes vs. AJ Styles/Samoa Joe

The Briscoes are defending. AJ and Mark go technical to start before hitting the mat for an exchange of headlocks. Styles starts going after the leg before handing it off to Joe for the real limb damage. Jay comes in and gets caught in a front facelock, which is switched into a kneebar to send Jay over to the ropes. It’s back to Styles for something like a Big Ending, setting up the drop down into the dropkick.

Mark comes in off a blind tag with a springboard knee to the back as commentary wonders if the Briscoes have any future as a successful team. Everything breaks down and the Briscoes are knocked to the floor, setting up the stereo dives. We take a break and come back with Mark snapping off a suplex on Styles before chopping away in the corner. A northern lights suplex gets two and a quick shot at Joe allows Jay to come in for some double stomping.

AJ gets in an enziguri but Joe gets suckered in, allowing the champs to change places. A double DDT (one reverse, one regular) gets AJ out of trouble though and the hot tag brings in Joe to clean house. Some limb cranking has Jay in trouble before it’s back to AJ for a running neckbreaker. Joe is back in for the rapid fire strikes but Jay grabs him by the waist so Mark can add a missile dropkick into the German suplex. Everything breaks down again and Joe snaps off a string of suplexes to Mark. AJ clotheslines Joe by mistake though and a shooting star press gives Mark the pin to retain the titles at 15:52.

Rating: B. This is the kind of thing that I had been wanting to see when ROH started doing this kind of show. They have so many great matches like this one that hasn’t been thought of in years just sitting around, so open up the vault and let us see some of this stuff. It’s a dream match on paper and then they delivered, though it’s always bizarre to see the young Briscoes like this. More of this kind of stuff for sure though.

Overall Rating: A-. They went with some classics here and the good thing is that they could continue to do so for as long as they need. Ring of Honor’s video library is one of the most impressive in the wrestling world today, just due to the amount of hidden gems in there. Let us see what they have and give us a fun time until the new stuff is ready. Based on this, feel free to take your time too.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – July 16, 2007 (2021 Redo): It Defies The Very Nature Of The Monarchy

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 16, 2007
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Great American Bash and that means we need to finalize some of the card. The show’s main event is set as Bobby Lashley will challenge John Cena for the Raw World Title, but there are still a few things that can be added. Maybe we can even get an interesting card together. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

We open with HHH’s King of Kings theme, but it’s King Booker and Queen Sharmell coming out instead. Booker thinks you might have been expecting someone else, but suggesting that HHH is the King of Kings is blasphemy. There is one King on Raw and it is NOT HHH. Therefore, as of right now, HHH is stripped of the name king, leaving Booker alone as the King. Well save for one person, which sends Booker over to Jerry Lawler.

Booker has respected him for many, many (of) years but now he wants Lawler to drop the King name. Lawler says he’s been a fan of Booker for many years, but he has been the King for thirty years and thinks they can co-exist. That’s not cool with Booker because it DEFIES THE VERY NATURE OF MONARCHY! Booker wants Lawler to kiss his ring, but that is a flat out no. You don’t tell Booker no so he ORDERS Lawler to do it instead. Still a no, so Booker is ready to fight, only to get punched down. Referees break it up and I think we have a match for later. Lawler looked fired up here and the fans seemed into it.

Ric Flair picks John Cena over Bobby Lashley. This goes on a bit longer than it needs to.

Jeff Hardy vs. William Regal vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Santino Marella

Elimination rules and the winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot against Umaga at Great American Bash. Hardy and Benjamin go to the floor to start, leaving Santino to cross armbreaker Regal to the ropes. The other two get back in with Shelton suplexing Santino for two, allowing Regal to knee Santino in the head for the fast pin. Benjamin goes after Regal but has to catch Hardy in an electric chair.

We take a break and come back with Hardy taking a double suplex for a double two. Benjamin and Regal get into a fight because they’re kind of schnooks, including Regal suplexing him down. The villains ram heads, leaving Jeff to unload on Regal in the corner. The slingshot dropkick misses though and Regal gets to hammer away again.

A missed charge goes badly though as Hardy grabs the Twist of Fate to get us down to two. Benjamin is right back up with the Blockbuster for two of his own but Hardy sends him outside for the slingshot dive. Back in and the Swanton misses but Hardy kicks out anyway. Benjamin grabs a piledriver, which is reversed into a quick rollup to give Hardy the pin (that was kind of sudden so I wonder if something was changed on the fly there).

Rating: C. The ending was a bit odd but moving Hardy into this spot is a good idea. He and Marella were the only realistic options and I don’t think anyone is overly interested in another Marella vs. Umaga match. Hardy is the kind of guy you can get behind in a hurry and that should work out fine for Sunday.

Edge picks John Cena.

Randy Orton is ready to destroy Cody Rhodes. Look at what he did to Shawn Michaels and imagine what he can do to Cody. Then imagine what he’s going to do to Dusty Rhodes on Sunday. Orton wants Dusty there ringside so he can get a preview.

Maria tries to console Santino Marella, who talks about watching Transformers yesterday. He feels like he doesn’t belong here….but spending the night with her could help him. Maria seems game, mainly due to the offer of pancakes the next morning.

Batista picks Bobby Lashley.

Snitsky likes to hurt people.

Snitsky vs. Val Venis

Snitsky powers him down to start with the shoulders and clotheslines. The pumphandle slam is good for the fast pin on Venis.

Post match, Snitsky hits another pumphandle slam for good measure.

Cody Rhodes talks about how proud he is of his dad and knows he could never be a bigger star than Dusty. There is no RKO that can slow down and he’s ready for Orton.

Here is Jerry Lawler in the ring to explain the Texas Bullrope match. Lawler goes over the rules, including the things he has seen Dusty Rhodes do to people in this match before. Cue Randy Orton to cut him off though….and doesn’t actually do anything. This is something Lawler should do more often, as he can explain things well and is someone fans will listen to.

Video on Randy Orton ending some careers.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

This is Cody’s in-ring debut and Dusty Rhodes is in his corner. Cody jumps over him in the corner to start but gets blasted by a clothesline for his efforts. Orton takes too much time yelling at Dusty so Cody can start the comeback, only to miss a crossbody. There’s the powerslam into a knee drop as Orton is getting into a more serious mode. A snap suplex sets up the chinlock before Orton can hammer away again. Cody manages a shot to the face though and a missile dropkick gets two (with a big reaction from the crowd). The backbreaker cuts Cody off though and it’s the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t much more than a squash, but that’s all it should have been. Cody is in his first match on Raw so what would you expect him to be able to do to someone like Orton here? Orton wasn’t even all that evil here but he never felt like he was in any serious danger. This went as it should have and it could have been a lot worse, as Cody does seem to have been well trained.

Post match, Dusty comes in to check on Cody but glares at Orton for teasing the Punt.

Steve Austin picks John Cena.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Beth Phoenix and Candice Michelle are here too. Melina glares at Candice so Mickie rolls her up for a fast two. Back up and Mickie sends her face first into the corner but a Beth distraction lets Melina score with a kick to the ribs. A neck crank keeps Mickie in trouble but she fights up and grabs a neckbreaker for two. Mickie’s hurricanrana out of the corner has Melina rocked but Beth grabs Mickie’s leg. That’s enough for Melina to hit the standing legdrops for the fast pin.

Rating: C. This was a fine way to build Melina back up to the next title match as now Candice might have to worry about Beth as well. Mickie is bulletproof in this division so having Melina beat her while cheating is hardly a horrible situation. Not exactly a must see match, but it got things ready for the Great American Bash.

Smackdown Rebound.

William Regal comes up to Jim Duggan (what a pair), who gives us some fast catchphrases. Coach has sent Regal to get the 2×4 because he wants it bronzed. Duggan says no one puts his hands on his hardware, sending them into a series of innuendos (being down on knees and wood in hand are mentioned). Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase and Regal does his disgusted face.

Mick Foley picks Bobby Lashley.

Carlito vs. Sandman

Sandman goes technical to start with a wristlock and manages to take Carlito down. Back up and Carlito slugs away, even busting Sandman open a bit. The neck crank goes on but Sandman fights up without much trouble. Cue William Regal (who Sandman took out last week) to jump Sandman for the DQ.

Post match Jim Duggan makes the save to actually pay off the earlier segment. I wouldn’t have bet on that one.

JBL picks John Cena.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Super Crazy

Fallout from Crazy stealing a pin on Kennedy a few weeks ago in the Beat The Clock Challenge. Kennedy shoves him into the corner to start but Crazy comes out with a spinwheel kick. Crazy hammers away in the corner until a forearm cuts that off in a hurry. They slug it out again until Kennedy goes to the eyes for a breather. The abdominal stretch goes on but Crazy escapes and slugs away again, including a running clothesline. Back to back moonsaults look to set up a third, only to have Kennedy crotch him on top. A reverse superplex finishes Crazy off.

Rating: C. Another short and to the point match here to blow off the mini feud. Crazy got a nice rub out of the whole thing but ultimately there is only so far for him to go. Kennedy is likely on his way back to the main event scene so there was no reason to not give him this win. I’m not sure what is next for him, but a win over Crazy at least gives him some momentum.

Great American Bash rundown.

Here is Coach to emcee the Bobby Lashley vs. John Cena face off. Coach lists off the people Cena has beaten and asks why Cena believes he can survive. Yes, Cena, with some fake tears, feels that his title reign could end because Lashley speared him a few weeks ago. And even worse: he never learned to read! We get the Billy Madison “I award you no points” line before Cena gets serious with Lashley.

Cena has fought the best and won and lost, but Lashley will get his best. Lashley isn’t into talking and turns over his podium but Coach cuts them off. That’s too much for Lashley, who goes after Coach, only to have Cena tell him to focus on what matters. They do the big showdown but referees get Lashley to the back. Cena promises to test Lashley on Sunday so here is Lashley again, meaning the brawl is on to end the show. This was a pretty by the book segment but it worked, partially due to Cena’s energy.

Overall Rating: C+. There wasn’t much in the way of wrestling here but they made me want to see more than one match at the pay per view. Cena vs. Lashley went from big to epic in a hurry so points for doing what they do well. I’m looking forward to the pay per view and that’s a lot more important than having a good match on Raw.

 

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Monday Night Raw – July 9, 2007: Replacement Needed

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 9, 2007
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are less than two weeks away from the Great American Bash and the big main event is set. WWE Champion John Cena will be defending the title against Bobby Lashley in a match that has to have Vince McMahon drooling. There are two shows left to build up to the show and that can be the important times on the way there. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Bobby Lashley vs. King Booker

Queen Sharmell is here with Booker in a rematch of last year’s King of the Ring finals (which JR mentions during the entrances). Lashley powers him around to start but charges into an elbow in the corner. Booker’s charge is countered into a powerslam though and Lashley plants him again for two. There’s another slam to put Booker down again but he’s back up with a spinning kick. Lashley isn’t having that and hits the Dominator, only to have Mr. Kennedy come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but Lashley was beating up a former World Champion and making it look pretty easy. They’re doing a great job of making Lashley feel like an unstoppable monster and that is where Cena shines most of the time. This didn’t need to go on much longer and they made their point while still protecting Booker a bit.

Post match the double teaming is on until Coach comes out to say not so fast. Tonight it was supposed to be Cena/Lashley vs. Kennedy/Booker, but since Cena is in Los Angeles (for a panel on Larry King Live), Lashley can pick another partner. Either that or have a handicap match. Lashley clears the ring to show off a bit.

Coach goes into his office to find William Regal, who he thanks for helping last week. Regal says he got some compliments for bringing something fresh to Raw, but Coach has him in a match with Sandman tonight. Regal doesn’t seem pleased but he’s in.

Intercontinental Title: Umaga vs. Santino Marella

Umaga is defending after taking the title from Santino last week. The strikes to Umaga are as effective as you would expect and he plants Santino with the spinning Rock Bottom. Cue Maria to cheer for Santino (Lawler approves) as Santino is sent chest first into the corner. Umaga does it again as this is total dominance so far. The middle rope headbutt misses though and Santino hammers away, only to get knocked right back down in a hurry. The running hip attack crushes Santino in the corner and the Samoan Spike retains the title.

Rating: D+. Total and complete destruction here and that should wrap it up for Santino’s title shots. There is no reason to believe that Santino can hang with Umaga in a one on one match without assistance so this is the right way to wrap it up. Umaga can find some more people to fight for the title and odds are almost anyone would give him a better challenge at the moment.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Highlanders

Non-title and I had forgotten that the Highlanders were a thing around here. Cage runs Rory over with a shoulder to start and grabs a headlock to take him over again. Murdoch comes in for a headlock takeover of his own as this is another one sided match to start. A running elbow in the corner staggers Rory again and we hit the chinlock with a knee in his back. Rory gets up and his a jawbreaker to get a breather though and the hot tag brings in Robbie to clean house. Everything breaks down and a high/low finishes for Murdoch out of nowhere.

Maria apologizes to Santino Marella for the loss and suggests they go out tonight. Marella suggests he help her at his hotel, with Maria agreeing, as they could watch a movie. Or something.

Charlie Haas makes fun of Shelton Benjamin for kissing King Booker’s hand last night. Shelton, the birthday boy, is so confident that he’ll win tonight that if he doesn’t, he’ll kiss….Haas….on the lips. Haas is down and then realizes what he said. Oddly enough, no Ron Simmons cameo.

Video on John Cena.

Snitsky vs. Super Crazy

Snitsky powers him into the corner to start but charges into a boot. That’s about it for Crazy’s offense as Snitsky hits him in the back and whips him hard into the corner again. The pumphandle slam finishes for Snitsky in just over a minute.

Post match, Snitsky hits another pumphandle slam for a bonus.

We recap Randy Orton disrespecting Dusty and (the debuting) Cody Rhodes last week by slapping Dusty in the face. This week, Dusty wants some revenge.

HHH is coming back.

Here is Dusty Rhodes for a chat and he wastes no time in calling out Randy Orton. Cue Orton, with Dusty saying there was no way that it was going to be over last week when Orton slapped him in the face. Now is Orton just going to stand there and look stupid? Orton doesn’t want to hear the “respect your legends” speech again but Dusty goes on a mini rant about Orton spitting in Harley Race’s face. Dusty wants to hear about what Orton has done in the ring, so Orton talks about injuring Shawn Michaels and Rob Van Dam. That’s not how you gain respect, and LOOK AT DUSTY WHEN HE IS TALKING TO YOU!

Orton challenges him to a match at the Great American Bash, but Dusty says not so fast because he’s old and retired. That’s not cool with Orton, so he suggests that he’ll just end Cody Rhodes’ career instead. Dusty is willing to fight, but we’ll make it a Texas Bullrope match. Deal, with Orton saying Cody needs to be there to pick up the pieces. Cue Cody (Runnels according to JR), with Orton telling him to get out of the ring before he gets hurt. Cody slaps Orton in the face and Orton bails without going after the two of them.

Paul London vs. Shelton Benjamin

This could be good. Shelton powers out of a top wristlock attempt to start and then takes London down into a front facelock without much trouble. Back up and London kicks away at the ribs for little effect so he grabs a front facelock of his own. That’s broken up as well so Benjamin snaps off a backbreaker, setting up an armbar of all things. London fights up with a hurricanrana into a small package for two, only to have Benjamin go right back to the arm. That doesn’t seem to bother London, who grabs a victory roll for the fast pin.

Rating: C. This was good while it lasted but it didn’t have a ton of time to go anywhere. That being said, this is about as good as you’re going to get from these two as far as time goes, as WWE has never exactly shown much interest in a serious push for London. Then there is Benjamin, and there is no reason to believe in any push he receives ever again.

Mr. Kennedy jumps the banged up Super Crazy for last week.

Shelton Benjamin seems hesitant to kiss Charlie Haas but Haas will settle for a kiss on the hand. They hug, and NOW Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase.

Melina/Jillian Hall vs. Candice Michelle/Mickie James

Hold on though as Melina has a sprained ankle, but she has a replacement: the returning Beth Phoenix. Melina sits in on commentary as Beth hits Mickie with what would become known as the Glam Slam. Candice gets the tag just a few seconds later as everything breaks down in a hurry. Jillian side slams Candice for two but gets caught in a backslide to give Candice the fast pin. This was nothing.

Post match Beth and Jillian beat down Candice, with Melina literally jumping in to help as a villain should.

Smackdown Rebound.

HHH is still coming back.

King Booker isn’t happy that HHH is coming back but here is Mr. Kennedy to interrupt. Kennedy says Bobby Lashley made them look like fools last week but Booker says that was just Kennedy. Revenge will be theirs!

Sandman vs. William Regal

Carlito is on commentary. Regal hammers away in a pair of corners to start as Carlito accuses Sandman of being drunk. Sandman comes back with a knee to the face but has to go after Carlito with the kendo stick. Another shot drops Regal to DQ Sandman.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

John Cena joins us via satellite and talks about how nice it was for Larry King to have people willing to have an intelligent discussion on wrestling on his show. As for Lashley, it’s true that he is an uncrowned champion. At the Great American Bash, we’ll find out who the real champion is.

Great American Bash rundown. That’s not a bad looking show.

Bobby Lashley/??? vs. Mr. Kennedy/King Booker

The mystery partner is….Jeff Hardy. I’ve heard worse ideas. In something I wouldn’t have guessed, Hardy is a bit taller than Lashley. Anyway, Booker and Hardy get things going with Booker missing an early ax kick attempt. Hardy starts in on the arm but gets taken into the corner for some knees to the ribs. Kennedy comes in and gets to stomp away in the corner until Hardy mule kicks his way to freedom.

The tag brings in Lashley to clean house, including a suplex to Kennedy. Booker gets knocked to the floor and Lashley plays Matt Hardy for some Poetry in Motion. A cheap shot from the apron lets Kennedy take Jeff down but he’s right back with the Whisper in the Wind. Now the hot tag can bring in Lashley to clean house as everything breaks down. The spear hits Kennedy with Booker making the save, so Hardy takes Booker outside. A leapfrog over Kennedy sets up another spear to give Lashley the pin.

Rating: C. This was a house show main style match and that’s all it was supposed to be. Cena had WWE business to tend to so putting Hardy in at the last minute was as good of an option as they probably had. The match wasn’t anything memorable, but it gave Lashley the chance to wreck some people and look great on the way to the pay per view title match.

Overall Rating: C-. There were some good pieces on the show but it felt like they were going through stuff as fast as they could have. Cena not being around changed a few things but I don’t think him being here would have brought the show up that much. It’s much more skippable than bad, though in a way that’s a worse situation to have.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – July 2, 2007: A Purpose And Get That Kid Out Of Here

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 2, 2007
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re back to normal this week and that means it is time to get ready for the Great American Bash. Since we have nothing to go on after last week, I’m curious to see where this is going to go, but Vengeance would seem to suggest Bobby Lashley as the next challenger to John Cena. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of John Cena retaining the WWE Title in the five way match at Vengeance.

Opening sequence.

Here is Mr. Kennedy for a chat. His name is Mr. Kennedy (no repeat) and he should be WWE Champion. He never got the chance to do that though and it was because of these people. These people convinced him to defend his Money in the Bank briefcase before he was ready so from now on he is caring for himself only.

Cue John Cena to interrupt to welcome the new guy to Raw but Cena can’t remember his name. Cena knows that Kennedy likes to talk (Cena: “A lot.”) but now we are on Monday Night Raw, where anything can happen. After calling him Mr. Kenny G., Cena says he doesn’t trust Kennedy, as someone who threw away the biggest moment in WWE history. They go nose to nose but here are King Booker and Queen Sharmell to interrupt.

Booker says he should be the next challenger for the WWE Title (that’s so strange to hear these days) but Cena doesn’t take kindly to him. The challenge is officially laid out but here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton talks about all the things he has done on Raw but he has never had a one on one title match against Cena (that’s hard to fathom).

Cue Bobby Lashley to say he is the uncrowned champion because he never lost the ECW World Title. Lashley challenges as well, but William Regal, who is in charge tonight, because Jonathan Coachman is on vacation this week, interrupts. Tonight it’s a Beat The Clock Challenge and the winner will receive a title shot against Cena at the Great American Bash. We’ll even have a CONTRACT SIGNING tonight!

Beat The Clock Challenge: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Hardy rolls him up for an early two to start but Orton is out of the corner with a hard clothesline for two of his own. The stomping and legdrop give Orton two and we hit the chinlock, which doesn’t seem too bright in a match like this. A waistlock and slam give Orton two and it’s off to a bodyscissors with an armbar.

Hardy is back up with something like a Sling Blade to set up the slingshot dropkick in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton though and Orton snaps his throat across the top. Hardy comes back with the Whisper in the Wind but Orton shrugs it off and grabs the RKO for the pin to set the time at 7:06.

Rating: D+. There’s something so annoying about having wrestlers suddenly wrestle a completely nonsensical style in a match like this. Since when would Orton be stupid enough to throw on a bodyscissors to kill time in a match where he is supposed to be going as fast as he can? It feels like a way to extend the match and therefore the clock, which could be done by just having a regular match.

Melina vs. Maria

Candice Michelle is on commentary. Maria takes her down and does the hair grab/head smash stuff to start, as it’s probably her best choice. Back up and Melina throws her down and rips at the face for a bit but Maria kicks her down. A bulldog puts Melina down but she hits a faceplant for a breather. The standing legdrop finishes Maria in a hurry.

Post match Melina and Candice get in a brawl with Candice knocking her down.

Video on HHH’s knee injury, surgery, and recovery.

Dusty Rhodes introduces Jim Duggan to his son Cody Rhodes. Randy Orton comes in to say Cody will be better than Dusty one day, though Orton threatens to kill his legend early. Dusty says that was disrespectful so Orton slaps him in the face. Cody has to be held back.

We recap Santino Marella winning the Intercontinental Title in Italy. It feels like we’ve seen that clip a few hundred times now. In a less seen clip, Umaga smashed Marella at Vengeance but lost via DQ.

Santino checks on Maria, who wants him to be careful against Umaga tonight. He has to do this and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

Intercontinental Title: Umaga vs. Santino Marella

Marella is defending and his kicks to the leg don’t do much. A dropkick doesn’t either as Umaga takes it outside to drop Marella hard on the floor. Back in and Marella avoids a charge into the post but Umaga sends him out again. The Samoan drop plants Marella back inside, setting up the running hip attack in the corner. The Samoan Spike gives Umaga the title back in a complete squash.

Rating: D+. That’s what it should have been as there is no reason for Marella to have a chance against Umaga in a straight match. Umaga is still a beast and someone who can run through just about anyone, with Marella being no exception. This is how the match should have gone and Marella’s title reign can go away so he can find a way to become interesting.

Beat The Clock Challenge: King Booker vs. Val Venis

The time is set at 7:06. Booker goes with a fast rollup to start, giving us an early standoff. Some strikes put Venis in the corner but he comes out with a suplex for two of his own. A cross armbreaker of all things sends Venis to the rope so Booker grabs a backbreaker for two. Booker misses a kick to the face and Venis strikes away, setting up a neckbreaker for two of his own. Not that it matters as Booker is right back with the ax kick for the pin, setting the time at 4:30.

Rating: C-. Slightly better than the first match but the levels of talent in the opponents are a bit off. Booker isn’t the most likely contender but he’s just right as someone who could pose enough of a threat that he’s worth keeping an eye on. Not much of a match here, though that’s not exactly the point in this thing.

Mr. Kennedy wants Super Crazy to lay down for him. The offer of some pesos has Crazy’s attention.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Mr. Kennedy vs. Super Crazy

The time is set at 4:30. Kennedy tells him to lay down but grabs the mic to yell at the fans, allowing Crazy to grab a rollup for the fast pin.

Shelton Benjamin comes up to King Booker, who goes on a rant about Mr. Kennedy. Booker wants Benjamin to outlast Bobby Lashley tonight, with promises of a future title shot if he pulls it off.

Dusty Rhodes wants Randy Orton next week.

Carlito annoys Jillian Hall when Sandman comes in to spit beer at him. Ron Simmons, catchphrase.

Carlito vs. Sandman

Sandman drives him into the corner to start but Carlito switches places and stomps away. Sandman’s throat is snapped across the top and a snapmare of all things gives Carlito two. We hit the neck crank as Carlito certainly has a target to start. With that broken up, Carlito grabs the kendo stick but Sandman takes it away and smashes Carlito for the DQ.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Bobby Lashley vs. Shelton Benjamin

The time is set at 4:30. Lashley takes him to the mat to start so Benjamin bails to the floor to burn some time. Back in and an overhead belly to belly suplex rocks Benjamin but the threat of the spear sends him outside again. Back in again and Benjamin counters a backdrop into a DDT (cool) for a fast two. Lashley suplexes him down and hits some running clotheslines, followed by something like a powerslam for two of his own. Benjamin slips out of the running powerslam and hits a superkick. The springboard spinning clothesline….is speared out of the air to give Lashley the pin to beat the time at 4:05.

Rating: C. The athleticism alone was worth seeing as these two can do some amazing things in the ring. Benjamin getting to jump around all over the place is always worth seeing but Lashley was all but destined to get the title shot at Cena. They had a good finish on top of everything else so this worked.

HHH is coming back, date unknown.

Here is William Regal to run the John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley contract signing. Cena comes out and says they know each other so let’s get this over with. Cena knows Lashley is a great star and this will be a heck of a match. Lashley agrees and signs but here are Mr. Kennedy and King Booker to interrupt. The brawl is on and the villains are cleared out and Cena signs, but Lashley spears him down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I can go for a show that is built around one idea like we had here, as this was almost all about setting up the title match. There are better ways to set it up than a Beat The Clock Challenge but at least they got everything done in a hurry. This wasn’t a show set up for the wrestling but we had some decent enough matches. Now just get us to the pay per view and the huge showdown and they should be rolling on the way to Summerslam.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – April 16, 2007: Last Week This Week

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 16, 2007
Location: Datchforum, Milan, Italy
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have a special one here as the show is in Italy for the first time ever. That should make for a cool atmosphere if nothing else and that is almost always a good idea. For once though, Raw is on a roll as we move towards Backlash. If this show can continue that streak, they’ll be able to say…..however you praise something in Italian. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Coach to get things going. Coach isn’t happy with last week’s announcement of the Backlash main event, so therefore we’ll do his original idea tonight: John Cena vs. Rated-RKO in a handicap match. With that out of the way, Coach introduces Vince McMahon (again with the snappy hat). After saying he doesn’t understand any of the fans’ chants, Vince talks about how he has received a better reception from every other city in Europe. Milan is supposed to be the fashion capital of the world but look at these people and tell him that is true.

Vince insults the smell of garlic in the city and brings out Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada. We see a clip of Umaga and company destroying Bobby Lashley last week, followed by Vince announcing that Lashley is not here as he did not clear customs to enter the country. With that out of the way, Vince says he wants to see Umaga in action tonight, so someone can come out here and face him. With no one coming, Vince offers to make it an Intercontinental Title match.

Still no takers, so Vince asks for someone to come out of the crowd. A fan agrees and says si, he does understand English. The soccer chants are on and Vince explains the idea of a hold harmless clause. The fan is down with that and says his name is Santino Marella. Let’s do it.

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Umaga

Marella is challenging and hammers away, including some kicks at the leg. Umaga misses a charge into the post and Santino is on a roll….but Vince remembers that this is no holds barred. Estrada offers a distraction and Umaga runs Santino over, allowing Estrada to get in some slaps of his own. Umaga hits a Vader Bomb but here is Lashley to slam Umaga off the top. The brawl is on so Vince grabs a chair, which Lashley takes away and blasts Umaga again. A spear cuts Umaga down and Lashley puts Santino on top for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. The match was nothing of course and there is nothing wrong with that. This was all about letting Lashley get one up on the villains and it worked out well enough. WWE gets a bit of fresh blood on their roster as well and Santino winning is certainly a surprise upset. Good angle, but nothing as a match.

The big celebration is on (which is weird with no music) as we take a break. Back with Jerry Lawler in the ring with Lashley and Marella. Lashley says he’ll keep his ECW World Title at Backlash, but tonight is about Santino. Some Italian cheap pops ensue as Santino isn’t a big talker to start.

Ric Flair talks to Carlito about the beautiful Italian women. Carlito is sorry for walking out on him last week but Flair says it’s ok. They’ll win tonight and get back in contention, though Carlito doesn’t seem convinced after Flair leaves.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair/Carlito. Benjamin and Carlito start things off with Carlito hitting a hiptoss into a slam. Haas and Benjamin are cleared out in a hurry so Haas comes in to shoulder Flair in the corner. That doesn’t seem to bother Flair, who goes after Haas’ leg but Benjamin cuts him off.

The villains take over on Flair with Haas kicking and punching away. Flair gets taken into the corner for some alternating stomping but Flair suplexes his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Carlito to slug away as everything breaks down. The referee gets rid of Flair, allowing Haas to trip Carlito into Benjamin’s exploder for the pin.

Rating: C-. The problems continue for Flair and Carlito, who don’t seem to be long for the tag team ranks. You don’t often come back from the communication issues world and that looks like where they are now. I’m not sure what is next for either of them after they’re done with each other, but it isn’t like this is some epic story in the first place.

Post match, Carlito is incredibly frustrated and storms off, leaving Torrie with Flair (that seems like a really bad idea).

We look at Michael Pena setting up the four way at Backlash for the WWE Championship.

John Cena, who is REALLY not popular here, gives Maria a special look before talking about how there is one champ around here. Cue Shawn Michaels to say he was here to bail Cena out on the way to Wrestlemania. Now though, he doesn’t care what happens to Cena and next week, he’s leaving Cena on his back.

There is an Italian announce team at ringside and one of them looks like Tazz.

The Condemned has a villain.

Melina is getting ready for the Divas Fashion Show and Johnny Nitro is rather pleased. Cue Eugene to stare at her, which doesn’t please Nitro as much.

Great Khali is coming to Raw.

Johnny Nitro vs. Eugene

Nitro stomps away to start, both on the mat and in the corner. Some shots to the head set up a flipping neckbreaker to put Eugene away in just over a minute.

We look at Milan’s fashion industry.

It’s time for a Diva Fashion Show, featuring a guy named Paolo Marilla (he’s in a tuxedo and seems to be a big shot in fashion) as the host. First up is Candice Michelle with an angel’s wings dress. Victoria takes off her shoes and almost marches down the ramp. Mickie is in more regular clothes with I guess the higher fashion idea. Maria and Torrie Wilson are in rather limited clothing and Melina is in a dress we saw a few minutes ago. Torrie wins so Melina jumps her until Mickie makes the save. This was another reason to have the Divas in the ring together.

Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Cade

Matt Hardy and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Feeling out process to start with the referee having to yell at Cade for being too aggressive. Cade slams Hardy but misses a clothesline, allowing Jeff to hit Whisper in the Wind for two. Back up and Cade hits some knees to the ribs, with Murdoch adding a cheap shot for a bonus.

Jeff is back up with a dropkick through the ropes to take Murdoch down but Cade kicks him in the face. Matt chases Murdoch off after another cheap shot and a headbutt gives Cade two. An elbow to the face into a snapmare gets the same but Hardy is back up with the sitout jawbreaker. The yet to be named Sling Blade sets up the Swanton, which hits knees thanks to a Murdoch distraction. A clothesline gives Cade the upset pin.

Rating: C. It’s almost weird to see Cade getting a feature match but he was showcased fairly well here. It puts a bit of heat on the title match at Backlash, or at least as much can be put on a Tag Team Title match these days. Cade looked like a star here though and that’s a bright sign for his future.

The Condemned has stunts!

Here is Chris Masters to talk about various works of art here in Italy. There have been some amazing works, but none of the masters have ever created a masterpiece like him.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

They fight over a lockup to start with Masters powering him around. Back up and Masters sends him outside, setting up a big running flip dive. Back in and Masters avoids a moonsault (or “look at this move”) according to Lawler so the stomping can ensue. Masters whips him hard into the corner for two but has to counter a crucifix into something like a Samoan drop for two more.

The chinlock puts Crazy in more trouble and it works so well that Masters puts it on again. Crazy fights up and starts kicking at Masters’ legs for the break, setting up a standing flipping legdrop for two. Masters doesn’t seem to mind and catches him with a wheelbarrow suplex for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would and a lot of that is due to Masters mixing things up a bit. Yeah he did the same offense until the ending but then it wasn’t the Masterlock for the first time pretty much ever. That has been one of the biggest problems with Masters for a very long time now so it is nice to see him throw in a curve ball. Crazy’s usual charisma made it even better so well done on a totally watchable match.

Rated-RKO blame each other for various things but tonight they are going to get on the same page to take out John Cena.

John Cena vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Edge starts for the team and gets caught in an early release fisherman’s suplex for two. Cena grabs a rollup for the same as he’s in desperation mode early on. A front facelock doesn’t get Cena very far as the fans are all over him. Orton comes in and gets taken down for two (with JR saying a pin would have been cool). Some forearms to the chest have Cena in trouble and he scores with a big boot (Has he ever used that before?) as Edge comes in to send us to a break.

Back with Edge knocking Cena off the apron and into the announcers’ table as the beating continues. Orton powers him back inside to hammer away and it’s back to Edge for a big boot of his own. Now it’s Orton getting to forearm away even more but Edge has to Edge-O-Matic his way out of an FU attempt. Cena knocks Edge off the top and hits the top rope Fameasser but Orton is right back in to cut him off.

Cue Shawn Michaels as Cena fights back, including the Shuffle to Edge. Orton dropkicks Cena to break up the FU on Edge and the referee gets bumped. Back up and Edge spears Orton by mistake. Shawn comes in and tries a superkick to Cena but takes Edge out instead. The FU to Shawn allows Cena to pin Edge and escape.

Rating: C-. Kind of a dull match here but the ending sequence got better. Part of the problem was that this was mainly spent on Edge and Orton slowly beating Cena down, which isn’t the most thrilling match. At least they gave us something interesting in the ending, but it was definitely a slower paced main event.

Overall Rating: C. You’re only going to get so much out of these international shows, with the opening segment being the only thing worth seeing. The rest of the show was completely watchable, but it’s not like the majority of it is all that great. Backlash is starting to take shape and we have Cena vs. Michaels set for next week, so call this a step towards the future without doing much on its own.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – April 2, 2007: And Now, Everything Else

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 2, 2007
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Wrestlemania has come and gone and that means it is time for one of the other biggest shows of the year. Granted that is in theory at least as the tradition has only kind of been set so far. John Cena beat Shawn Michaels to retain the Raw World Title, but (possibly) more importantly, Vince McMahon is now bald. I sense fallout so let’s get to it.

Here is Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

We don’t even open with a recap as here is John Cena to get things going. The fans really don’t sound happy to see him, but he holds the title up because the champ is here. Before he can say anything else, here is Shawn Michaels to interrupt. Shawn says this is like reliving a bad dream because he’s right here again. Last night wasn’t about sportsmanship or mind games and politics (Shawn: “BROTHER!”) but about winning and losing.

Shawn lost, but he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like having to stick out his hand and tell someone that they are the better man. That isn’t happening this time anyway because Cena ISN’T the better man. Cena: “Anytime, anyplace.” Shawn isn’t busy right now so Dayton, Ohio sounds like a good place for him. Hold on though as here is Coach to say the Tag Team Titles need to be defended, so let’s have a ten team battle royal for those titles.

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

John Cena/Shawn Michaels, King Booker/Finlay, Kenny Dykstra/Chris Masters, Rob Van Dam/Sabu, Cryme Tyme, Deuce & Domino, Elijah Burke/Matt Striker, Eugene/Jim Duggan, Highlanders, Chavo Guerrero/Gregory Helms

Cena and Michaels are defending and only one member has to be eliminated. We’re joined in progress with Dykstra being tossed to clear the ring out a bit and the general brawling is on. Deuce gets rid of JTG and Burke dropkicks Eugene out as we’re already down to six. Er, five as Guerrero and Helms are missing too, though I don’t know if they were even in there when we came back from the break.

Anyway the Highlanders are tossed as well and Deuce & Domino go after Shawn, earning themselves an elimination from Cena. Striker is out as well and there goes Van Dam after him, leaving us with Finlay/Booker vs. Cena/Michaels. Finlay clotheslines Booker by mistake so Cena sends Finlay to the apron, where Shawn can superkick him out to retain.

Rating: D+. To paraphrase Statler and Waldorf, it was boring, it wasn’t very good, it was….short. That’s how you need to run something like this, as while Cena and Michaels can drop the titles, they probably aren’t dropping them to most of these teams. You have a bunch of jobbers, a few teams who have vanished in recent weeks and a few teams who might have teamed together on Heat at most. Where exactly was the drama here?

Hold on though as here is Coach again to say we need to do this again, with NINE MORE TEAMS!

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

John Cena/Shawn Michaels, Hardys, Paul London/Brian Kendrick, William Regal/Dave Taylor, Kevin Thorn/Marcus Cor Von, Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero, Sandman/Tommy Dreamer, Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch, Val Venis/Viscera, Johnny Nitro/The Miz,

Cena and Michaels are defending and either Guerrero/Helms are working a double or Lawler got confused when he mentioned them being in the first battle royal and there were only nine teams. Anyway, it’s a big brawl to start and the mob can’t get rid of Viscera. Growing brains at the same time though, they toss Venis in a hurry and we’re down to nine. Regal and Taylor are gone and Dreamer/Sandman join them as we take a break.

Back with JR’s voice going in a hurry and the champs getting rid of Miz and Nitro (in their first time teaming together for some trivia)….and then Shawn dumps Cena. Well that’s a curve ball. It’s smart, but it’s a curve ball. Kendrick and Chavo eliminate each other (with no mention of London and Kendrick possibly becoming double champions) so we’re down to the Hardys vs. Cade/Murdoch.

Jeff goes stupid (shocking I know) by hammering away with right hands in the corner on Murdoch but manages to get back down. An atomic drop/big boot combination knocks Jeff silly but Matt cuts off the toss attempt. The Hardys hit stereo middle rope legdrops, setting up Poetry In Motion to get rid of Murdoch for the win and the titles.

Rating: C-. The Hardys winning is completely fine as they are the veteran teams who can get the titles back and then drop them to someone in a bigger match. There is some value in one more run with the Hardys as champions so this is about as safe of a way to go for the titles as you can have. Cena and Michaels didn’t need the titles to continue their story so letting them go and be built back up again is the right move.

Timbaland (music producer) is here and does not want to be on camera.

Shawn Michaels did that because he wants the WWE Title and nothing more. Randy Orton comes in to say Cena can’t beat Shawn, but not him. We’ll see about that.

Wrestlemania highlight package set to Ladies And Gentlemen. That really is a heck of a show.

We go to the back to see Vince McMahon….or at least from his eyes (as in his eyes are serving as the camera) as he walks down the hallway. He takes off his hat to show Maria and Candice Michelle his hat. They, uh, like it, though Eugene and Cryme Tyme laugh. Ron Simmons can barely get his catchphrase out, so Vince is going to the ring so he can yell at the people. Vince: “I HATE TRUMP!”

Here is Vince, in a snappy hat, and he tells Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring. Vince talks about what a travesty of justice took place last night at the hands of Steve Austin. Had it not been for him, Donald Trump would be bald. Therefore, by his authority, Wrestlemania DID NOT HAPPEN for him, so Lilian gets to announce Vince as the winner of the Battle of the Billionaires.

To further prove his point about having authority, Bobby Lashley is defending the ECW World Title against Umaga tonight. As for Vince, you won’t be seeing him bald tonight (Vince: “You like the hat?”) because he has had his hat surgically attached to his head until his hair grows back. It’s going to be fast too, because his surgeon says Vince has more testosterone than an all male prison. He is happy to disappoint everyone and there is no chance in h*** that you will see his bald head.

Cue Lashley to rib the hat off (Lawler: “HIS HEAD’S POINTY!”) so Vince covers up with a towel. That’s covered up as well, so Vince hides under Lilian’s skirt. Lashley rips that off and Vince runs away. This was the good old fashioned humiliation segment and Vince excels at them like no other.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito as JR’s voice is almost completely gone. Benjamin clotheslines Carlito to start but walks into a knee lift. A kick to the face drops Carlito and Haas drives him into the corner. More pounding sets up a Benjamin suplex for two but Carlito is back up with a springboard elbow to the face. The hot tag brings in Flair to start chopping away but Benjamin grabs a backdrop. Carlito breaks up the Broken Arrow though and it’s the chop block into the Figure Four to make Haas tap in a hurry.

Rating: C-. Totally basic tag match to get Flair and Carlito out there for a fast appearance. I know the team is just a short story to give Flair something to do but there is something nice about seeing him celebrating any kind of a win. Flair has won more titles than he knows what to do with, but he seemed happy to have won a nothing tag match on Raw. That’s kind of the point, and it is so often forgotten.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

Timbaland is here as a fan and wants to hear a WOO. Some of the Divas are going to be in his next video and he is making his picks soon. He seemed rather down to earth here and like he was having a good time.

Here’s Melina for a Special Photo Op. She thinks she should be in Timbaland’s video and he seems to approve. Last night she proved that Ashley was nothing more than a pretty face, and being Women’s Champion means more than posing in Playboy. Therefore, to commemorate her win last night, she is going to have a special photo op for the paparazzi. Cue Mickie James to lay Melina out, including with the jumping DDT.

Mick Foley talks about how much WWE does with Make-A-Wish. Next week, we are going to see a special wish granted. That’s always cool.

Great Khali vs. Super Crazy

Crazy goes right at him and hits a missile dropkick. That’s about it though as the double chokeslam finishes him in less than a minute.

Vince McMahon is mad about Bobby Lashley and adds Armando Alejandro Estrada to the Lashley vs. Umaga match. Estrada better not fail him.

We look at Shawn Michaels turning on John Cena, followed by the Hardys winning the Tag Team Titles.

The Hardys are happy to win their sixth Tag Team Titles.

JR’s voice is DONE as he introduces the video from the premiere of the Condemned.

Here is Edge on the stage, saying a lesser man would not be standing here tonight. It took everything he had to get himself out of bed this morning. Edge talks about how he knows he can beat John Cena, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. They can call themselves whatever they want, but he calls himself the best. Everyone else can get ready to call him champion.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga/Armando Alejandro Estrada

Lashley is defending but gets jumped before the bell and sent face first into the steps. Umaga charges into an elbow in the corner and Lashley drives Estrada into the corner with a shoulder. That’s broken up from behind though and Umaga sits on Lashley’s chest for two. Umaga chokes away on the rope and cuts off a comeback with the Samoan drop. A kick to the face gives Umaga two more but Lashley is able to chase Estrada outside.

Another slugout goes to Umaga and Estrada gets a quick two. A splash gives Umaga two more and he punches a charging Lashley down. Some choking puts Lashley down in the corner but Umaga has to cut him off again. The running hip attack connects in the corner and Umaga loads up the Spike. The shouting takes a bit too long though and Lashley knocks it away, setting up a spear to Umaga. Estrada makes the save but Umaga splashes him by mistake. Another spear sends Umaga outside and the running powerslam retains Lashley’s title.

Rating: D. House show style main event here with Lashley not doing much besides punching and the spears. I like that they didn’t do the same match two nights in a row and the Estrada factor let Umaga save some face. Not a good match or anything close to it, but what more could you want in a match like this one? If nothing else, it was interesting to hear Lawler call a match on his own as JR’s voice was completely gone.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the point here and a lot of the show felt like they were taking the night off. The big story was Shawn vs. Cena continuing and getting rid of the Tag Team Titles. It was a fast moving show, but you’re only getting so much when they’re more or less basking in the Wrestlemania glow. Not a great show, but an easy one to watch after the pressure over the previous weeks.

 

 

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