History of Survivor Series Count-Up – 1997 – What A Screwy Show

Survivor Series 1997
Date: November 9, 1997
Location: Molson Centere, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 20,593
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well, here we are. Perhaps the most infamous show in the history of professional wrestling, we have arrived at Montreal. I’ll save my thoughts on the Screwjob for the end of the review and for once, actually focus on the show as a whole. This is the culmination of the entire Border War storyline with Austin and Michaels unofficially teaming up to fight Canada and the Hart Foundation who were one of the best heel stables I can remember, despite them only being around for a bit.

Shawn got this title shot for winning the first ever Hell in a Cell match against Taker a month prior to this. That also leads into another match on the show as we have Kane’s PPV debut (he would soon debut on Raw in a handicap match, squashing two jobbers named Matt and Jeff Hardy). Other than that we have Austin vs. Owen in a rematch from Summerslam for Owen’s newly won IC Title.

The other four matches are all Survivor Series matches. We’re in the Attitude Era now, with tonight being considered by some to be the official start. I could see that, but the Attitude Era roster was already here with guys like the Outlaws, the Nation and Ken Shamrock here now, so I’d certainly say that this is the Era, but for the sake of argument we’ll say it begins tonight. Anyway, with the ending being the important part that I’d think most of you are interested in, let’s get closer to that.

The NWO is absolutely dominating at this point with the WWF on the brink. However, they would manage to blow the biggest chance in the history of professional wrestling to end Vince with the absolute disaster that was Starrcade 97. This is the show that got people talking about the WWF again though, and ultimately caused the downfall of WCW in the end which you would know about if you’ve seen the match.

We open with the video hyping this as the rematch of Wrestlemania 12. Bret talks about how he got screwed in Anaheim and he doesn’t like the way Shawn acts. Shawn says get over it. The interesting thing here is that this could almost be classified as heel vs. heel. Bret was top heel, and Shawn was certainly acting like a heel, yet Bret will easily be the crowd favorite, with Shawn being the face by default I guess. That’s certainly an interesting issue to have.

We have to introduce both other announce teams for no good reason.

Headbangers/New Blackjacks vs. New Age Outlaws/Godwins

Bradshaw and Barry Windham are the Blackjacks. This started over Billy breaking a boom box over the head of Thrasher. The other teams were feuding…maybe. The announcer speaks French, which I guess makes sense. Road Dogg does the talking intro to the Godwins slow banjo music, and actually calls the Headbangers queers. I’m very surprised that made it onto the video release. He slips in some more gay slurs, which is very surprising as well.

The Outlaws at this point are a brand new team that is more about talking than what they did in the ring. In other words, they got right into what they were known for. The hog farmers are heels now, and somehow still validate a paycheck each which defies any and all logic to me. Phineas tries to leave but it turns out he’s coming back. Dang it I was hoping we could get this done early. I’ll give Russo this: he had different tag teams. That’s more than we get today.

According to Lawler, no one wants to lose one of these matches. Well I’m glad people like winning. I was afraid I was in a Disney movie where giving away wins was the important thing as long as you don’t cheat. The styles between Henry and Bradshaw are clashing badly here and it’s not working.

Bradshaw gets an abdominal stretch on and drops backwards to roll up Henry for the pin. That was kind of cool actually. Who in their right mind would believe that of these 8, he would have the most successful career? Actually you might because none of them looked like much at this point.

Phineas is in now and brawls with Bradshaw as we hear more about Granny Godwin. Windham just doesn’t look right with black hair and a mustache. I don’t have to look at it anymore because he just got pinned. Mosh is actually quite over. That’s just odd. Billy gets a good solid booing, so apparently he’s doing his job correctly. They make a Sadaam Hussein reference which is just out of place. Billy just looks weird in long tights.

This isn’t much of a match as most of the people just don’t fit in it at all. Billy hits a weird looking move to end Mosh. Mosh is going for a bulldog out of the corner but Billy slams him forward face first into the mat for the pin. That was different at least. It’s 3-2 if you’re counting. How sad is it that I know all 8 men’s real names? We’re on to Thrasher and Phineas now as the greatness of this match is just getting better and better.

Ross says Vince is busy as I’m analyzing every single thing about this show now looking for clues about it. I think we’re having audio difficulties here as we have no talking for a few seconds. Apparently Road Dogg was yelling at them and they lost focus? That’s great stuff there guys. Ross isn’t a character anymore and it’s the standard commentating formula that you know and love/hate/tolerate/cut yourself to.

Thrasher pins Phineas after a Stage Dive (seated senton like Mysterio uses) to make it 2-2. Road Dogg comes in for the first time in the whole match and he gets Bradshaw. The Outlaws were an interesting story as they had this epically bad feud for months and months. They were fighting again on Shotgun Saturday Night (which needs a review of its own sometime) when they actually said that their careers were going nowhere fighting each other so they should team up.

This is the result. Anyway, Road Dogg rolls Bradshaw up and hooks the tights for the pin which didn’t actually hit but whatever. He goes nuts and beats up the Outlaws before he leaves it 2-1 with the Outlaws vs. Thrasher. He’s the one that got hit with the boom box, so Thrasher is actually the point of a feud. Oh my goodness indeed. OH GOOD GRIEF WHAT WAS THAT? Ok, so Road Dogg goes for the pump handle but Thrasher reverses into a cover.

Billy goes up for a guillotine leg drop, AND MISSES BY TWO FREAKING FEET! I mean when he lands, you can see the mat between his leg and the two bodies, but THRASHER SELLS IT. That’s how it ends. I literally do not know how to respond to that. It was the absolute worst miss and sell that I’ve ever seen. I mean literally there were two feet between them. I’m stunned.

Rating: D+. This is partially for that ending, but other than that, the match just bombed overall. There was just nothing of interest here and it was just four teams beating on each other for 15 minutes. The Outlaws were clearly going to be either a big deal or something close to one and they certainly were. Other than that, there’s nothing here so it’s a traditional Attitude Era opener: all flash and very little substance.

Truth Commission vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Dang I forgot about the gang wars period. Ah the Truth Commission. Now if there has ever been a stable that I would have liked to see go further, this was it. We’re not incredibly sure what it was, but that was kind of the point. They were led by the Jackyl, who would become known as Cyrus in ECW. He was kind of a cult leader with this weird brainwashing/mind control thing going on. The Truth Commission was based on South African military units that investigated Apartheid acts after it was outlawed.

One of them would later become known as Bull Buchanan and the big one would become known as Kurrgan. They were very interesting and different, so naturally they were split up and Kurrgan was turned into a comedy character. Allegedly Jackyl was going to be a big deal in the Ministry, but that never came through as he left. This was the era in the company where most of the midcard guys were in gangs.

You had the DOA, the Truth Commission, Los Boricuas, the Hart Foundation and the Nation. It was rather annoying as it turned into a ton of eight man tags that weren’t any good. The Truth Commission here is comprised of Jackyl, Kurrgan, Sniper and Recon. Recon is Bull Buchanan, so we’ll refer to them as Jackyl, Kurrgan, Buchanan and Turnip, because that’s about as much as he’s worth.

The DOA, who don’t have motorcycles yet, are comprised of Skull and 8-Ball (the tall bald twins that are in every wrestling company ever yet never win anything), Chainz (Underfaker/Brian Lee from ECW) and Crush. Lee was good at times, but this is going to be a mess. We start with a massive brawl so I’m likely right. Chainz and Kurrgan start, This lasts about a minute as Chainz takes a sidewalk slam to end him.

Jackyl isn’t on the apron most of the time. Buchanan comes in against one of the twins. JR isn’t sure which it is either. Jackyl comes in off the top with a knee that’s not sold. Three punches and sidewalk slam later we’re tied up. Wait, did two guys just use the same generic finishing move to get rid of people? Was Skull watching the match? You just don’t do that.

You’re a big power guy. There’s about a dozen moves there you could use to get rid of him: boot, spinebuster, powerslam etc., but you use the SAME FREAKING THING. And you wonder why no one cares about you. Turnip comes in next to waste more time. Jackyl is doing commentary now and washes a few brains as we go. I hope he waxes them too. The crowd is just dead here.

The twins switch and a clothesline gets rid of Buchanan. Ok so we’ve had three eliminations: two by sidewalk slams and one by clothesline. A nap sounds good now. After a boring exchange, Turnip hits a bulldog, which is somehow the best elimination move of the match by leaps and bounds, to get rid of a twin, leaving us at a twin and Crush vs. Kurrgan and Turnip. Since the boring pace and repetitive moves have worked so well and gotten such great reactions, we continue with it.

None of this is worth talking about at all as it’s just boring power moves by not incredibly talented big men. Kurrgan gets a blind tag and after the other twin puts Turnip down, he walks into a, get ready, SIDEWALK SLAM for the pin. My goodness was that a reaction? Yes I believe it was.

I have no idea what for so I’m assuming a sale on popcorn. Actually it’s for Crush. Crush is popular? Why? I don’t get it, but ok I guess. He puts Turnip out with a powerslam but as he gets up, I kid you not, he becomes the fourth out of 7 men in the match to be eliminated with a sidewalk slam.

Rating: F. There is no way to validate using the same finishing move FOUR times. On top of that, one of them was from another guy. Now I can get a wrestler being limited to a few moves. I could see if this was Orton hitting three RKOs for three pins, but if say Ted DiBiase used it as well, then it’s just stupid. This was a bad match as the moves and wrestlers were boring, there was ZERO plot, and the crowd hated it. This was a complete waste of ten minutes.

A bunch of fans say who they think will win. Surprisingly, Shawn seems to be the favorite, but not by much. I’d call it 50/50 actually but it’s very close.

As we talk about being in Montreal, King gets in a funny line about not knowing it was Halloween because no city could have faces like this. It’s corny but I laughed. Lawler has a great delivery.

Austin is dictating messages to a person posting them on AOL. That’s perfect for him actually.

For the third year in a row, Karate Fighters is sponsoring this. That might be a record of some kind.

We get a recap of how Blackman is in this upcoming match. He jumped the railing and beat up Bulldog but Anvil just tackled him. Apparently he was able to get a job, trained and onto a PPV in 6 days. That’s not bad.

Team USA vs. Team Canada

USA: Goldust, Vader, Marc Mero, Steve Blackman
Canada: Furnas, Lafon, Jim Neidhart, British Bulldog

That’s a great American team isn’t it? Oh yes it is. On the Canadian side, Lafon is French, Bulldog is British, Furnas is from Oklahoma and Neidhart was always billed as from Nevada. In a quick interview, Vader says they have nothing in common other than they don’t like Canadian meanies. It’s not Vader Time. It’s America Time. Yes he really said that. Team America comes out to a familiar song. For some reason I want to start chanting YOU SUCK to the beat of this song.

The Americans get a decent pop but nothing great. Goldust has paint on his face saying F U, which stands for Forever Unchained. Well ok then. Bulldog says Canada will win. They come out to Bret’s music to a huge pop. Ross says this is like game 7 between the Canadiens and the Rangers. The Rangers won the cup in 94, so does that make any sense to anyone? I guess it’s because New York might as well be the national capital?

JR points out all of the un Canadian things I mentioned, but apparently Lafon is French-Canadian, so that’s somehow better. Lawler points out how truly awful this face team is. Mero, who recently turned heel, starts with Bulldog. This isn’t going to be pretty is it? Team Canada is ridiculously over. Bulldog mocking karate poses is just funny. The fans chant for Sable which was Mero’s main and pretty much only storyline for the rest of his time in the company.

Vader, the only somewhat likable member of his time, comes in to beat on Bulldog for awhile. Goldust has just started going freaky as he has just left Marlena. I never got the appeal of her. She’s just not sexy looking. Bulldog has the crowd going insane as he hits his vertical delay suplex ON VADER. Yes, he actually held him there for a bit. I don’t care if you like Bulldog or not, but that’s just freaking scary power.

Lafon and Mero are in now, and for some reason, Mero is on long term offense. What was the appeal of this guy? The boxing thing I think was what killed him as it was just far too one dimensional. Blackman comes in and clearly knows what he’s doing as JR tries to convince us he’s not a trained wrestler. It’s so painfully obvious that he is as he is clearly experienced at least in something beyond the basics as he’s crisp and is going on instinct as you can tell.

He beats up all four heels, or maybe they’re faces as I’m not sure anymore (Russo’s vision begins to come true). Anyway they hit the floor and Blackman is counted out as he doesn’t know the rules that well yet. Well at least that makes sense storyline wise. For some reason this takes a minute or so to explain to him. Ross contradicts himself again by saying Blackman knows and then later that he doesn’t know catch as catch can style.

Neidhart against Mero now, so the level of talent is somehow going up. Neidhart majored in psychology at UCLA. That’s actually kind of impressive. I didn’t know that one. Vader apparently likes USC because he kills Neidhart with power moves and a splash. How many times is Anvil overpowered?

Lafon knocks Vader to the floor with nothing but kicks, which is kind of impressive as well. They hit the floor and Vader is getting beaten up. How did he fall so far in a single year? At Summerslam 96 he was the top heel in the company and now he’s in the midcard at best. He KILLS Lafon with a belly to belly that looked amazingly painful to set up a huge splash from the middle rope, and we’re down to 3-2.

Furnas hits the weakest looking dropkick that I can ever remember which of course drops Vader. It was worse than the springboard version that Tyler Reks uses. In a BADLY botched spot, Mero goes for his moonsault from the top, but Furnas I think was trying to turn it into a powerslam where he would slam Mero forward. Somehow, and I don’t actually know how this happened, Mero wound up on top.

Mero was coming down with a good looking moonsault to a standing Furnas, and Furnas hit the mat head first. This defied anything resembling a law of physics. The announcers are even confused on who got hit with what. He gets the tag to Bulldog, who gets one of the absolute loudest roars I’ve ever heard. That was beyond a pop. The fans were so loud there you almost couldn’t hear a slam on the mat.

It’s a shame he would leave over what happens in the main event. Furnas pins Mero with tights being held. Thank goodness one of them is gone at least. They were both just annoying. Mero had no character at all. I know he was a boxer, but come on now. There’s just no substance there at all. Goldust still hasn’t been in the match at all. Even the announcers point out that Vader has carried his team here and that’s certainly true.

He’s the only one that hasn’t gotten embarrassed out there. Goldust refuses to tag in, blaming a hand injury. This would be the start of a bad feud between the two with Goldust becoming the Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. Apparently he’s rejecting his responsibilities by divorcing his wife and giving up as a father. I hate angles that get that in depth. It’s just complete overkill. My eyes just bugged out. Furnas hit an overhead belly to belly on Vader and got air underneath it.

I mean Vader was airborne for that. That’s two times in this match that he’s been put in power moves. I don’t ever recall that, and it’s not like he’s dropped weight or something at this point. That was impressive. He follows that up with a Frankensteiner. Good grief this guy isn’t half bad. He’s trying if nothing else. Furnas isn’t a big guy or anything. According to Wikipedia he’s 5’11 and under 250lbs.

That’s below average actually, but he made it look awesome. I’m impressed if nothing else. I’m also legit surprised that these two never got over at all. Vader has finally had enough and nails Goldust who walks out. Ross says he’s walking about on his team and country, just like he did on his family. Vader hits the Vader Bomb to end Furnas and in about 20 seconds Bulldog smacks him (kind of) with the bell to win it with a HUGE pop.

Rating: B+. This was just a sweet match. This is the closest Vader ever got to being the dominant force he should have been after Summerslam 96. He just looked awesome on all levels out there, hitting everything perfectly and looking like a guy that should have been the captain of his team.

For the life of me I don’t get why he didn’t get pushed. I also don’t get why Smith is so over here. I mean he’s getting a pop that should be reserved for Bret in Canada. This was just a fun match overall and the ending worked perfectly. It doesn’t make up for the first two, but I’m interested now at least.

Buy this Steve Austin shirt.

We get a recap of Kane’s arrival, which I’ve always thought was one of the best done feuds in wrestling history. It worked for a number of reasons, but the big one was he was talked about for months but you never saw him. You kept hearing the name Kane and you saw Taker’s reactions to it. That’s a brilliant strategy for debuting a character.

You keep hearing about someone over and over again and eventually you don’t care what he looks like and you’re going to think he’s awesome no matter what you see. That’s exactly what happened here, and the debut went great too. It brought Taker to a level he doesn’t go to that often, but when he does it’s EPIC. Anyway, this is happening because Kane was beating up random people and one of them was Dude Love. Foley became Mankind again to fight Kane, leading us to this.

Kane vs. Mankind

This is Kane’s major debut for all intents and purposes. He beat up some jobbers (the Hardy Boys actually) but hasn’t had any official match against legit competition yet. Mankind says he’ll throw himself against a brick wall as many times as he has to until he knocks it down. Foley meets him in the aisle and it’s on immediately.

Kane throws him into the steps and he’s in trouble. Everything in covered in that red light here too which is always annoying. There’s the fire out of the corner and hey we get a bell too. Cactus Clothesline as we more or less say screw the ring. Kane throws the steps at Foley’s head as this is one sided so far. Back inside now.

Domination here by Kane. On the floor though Kane takes a hot shot into the steps and for the first time ever Kane is in trouble. Foley caves his head in with a chair and Kane kind of shakes it off. Piledriver by Foley but Mankind goes after Paul Bearer instead. Kane pops up and launches Mankind from the apron through the announce table. Nice one.

Tito Santana is hurt somehow. It would be nice to see this but with that red light everywhere you can’t really see anything. Ross wrote that off as a power. I love little things like that. Mankind gets a DDT on the floor as he won’t die. He hits the elbow from the apron which he blames most of his hip injuries on. Kane lays him out on the floor as momentum shifts again. Tombstone ends this clean.

Rating: C+. I don’t get the point of the red light but whatever. This was sloppy, but I think that was the point. It’s Kane’s first time in a ring allegedly, and Foley is sloppy to begin with so that makes sense. For a debut, it did exactly what it was supposed to do: it made Kane look like an absolute monster that could kill whomever he faced.

The choice of Mankind was perfect considering what he had done to Taker in the past. You knew the showdown was coming, but the only question was when. When it finally happened at Mania 14, the drama could not have been better, and the whole thing delivered perfectly.

Send in your cable bill and get a free dog tag. They should do more stuff like this. It’s a good customer relations thing. Maybe throw out a t-shirt or something like that.

We go to the back where Vince and Slaughter (the Commissioner at the time and in Vince’s pocket) is with Cole. Slaughter guarantees the match will happen tonight. Oddly that has nothing to do with the Screwjob. Part of the problem leading up this was that the match had been scheduled before but it kept getting canceled due to injuries.

That’s why a lot of people thought the ending was another work because it had happened so many times, with the people thinking the REAL rematch would be at Mania 14. Obviously they were wrong. Vince says he doesn’t know who will win, but he just ever so slightly chuckles before he says it.

It’s so tiny that you wouldn’t notice it the first time watching the show. Granted, it easily could have been classified as just Vince being unsure for kayfabe’s sake. This was destined to be huge, but unfortunately it’s for the wrong reasons.

Nation of Domination vs. Ken Shamrock/Ahmed Johnson/LOD

The Nation is Farrooq, Kama (Godfather), D’Lo Brown and Rock, who was absolutely hated at this point. Like I said yesterday, he was so happy all the time and the people got flat out sick of it. He got hurt and came back as the heel Rock, joining the Nation which was what he needed to do all along. The company knew that they had struck gold with him so the next night, the angle that made his career began as he called out Steve Austin for the first time.

They met the next month at DX In Your House in the infamous truck match where the Austin style match was firmly cemented. The next night, Austin said he was going for the world title, and the rest is history. Those two had such a great chemistry together that it’s hard to come up with a pair that also had it. This feud gave us the absolutely amazing pager sequence, which ranks among my favorite wrestling moments ever.

It was just done perfectly and they had the crowd in the palms of their hands. Anyway, tangent over and let’s get to this. Ahmed is still in his eternal feud with the Nation, having actually turned heel for about a week before getting hurt AGAIN. He would be gone soon though. Shamrock was about to start feuding with Rock around the time of the Rumble, and the LOD are just faces fighting heels. We go to the back for an interview with the faces.

Shamrock has to talk loudly to be heard over the Rocky Sucks chants. He’s on a microphone and the crowd is drowning him out. That’s a hot crowd. LOD are the tag champions here as well. Shamrock is clearly reading off a script. Hawk gets about as close to a Warrior promo as you can while still making sense. Animal and Ahmed don’t talk. I get Ahmed but Animal was decent at talking.

It seems like whenever someone comes out they get no reaction but the fans pop after the name is said. I guess that’s the custom up there. I keep thinking that it’s odd that someone that was pushed pretty well is getting nothing from the crowd, but then it comes and my mind is calmed. A fan has a Stone Cold for President sign. I’ve been to Canada before, and I don’t remember them having a president.

Shamrock is apparently the future of the company. That’s just odd. He gets a very good pop though. Ahmed gets a good one as well. He’s just a freak, plain and simple. Ahmed actually looks more intimidating than Lesnar did. Now if he had any single pit of skill, he’s have been in the Hall of Fame 10 years ago. They both got good pops, but the one for LOD is epic. The fans blow the roof off for them to say the least. They’re a gimmick that just flat out works.

Both of them just look like they could beat the living heck out of anyone you put in the ring with them, and that often times is all you need. They don’t have their spikes though, which is odd to see. The belts just look perfect on them though. Screw Demolition, this is the coolest team ever. Ok that’s nonsense because I really like both teams but I don’t see them at the moment so my allegiance lies with the Road Warriors at the moment.

Hawk and D’Lo start and Brown is beaten up pretty badly here. He tags Rock in and Hawk slaps him a few times. He hits the ropes and someone hits him off camera, sending him into a somewhat odd looking Rock Bottom. He didn’t have the move down yet and it’s obvious that he didn’t. That took about a minute after the action started, so they’re clearly pushing Rocky hard here as they should.

Apparently this shocks JR, which means it was likely pretty average. Ahmed’s right leg looks like it’s covered in armor. Replays show that it was Kama that hit Hawk. How exactly do you knock someone down with authority? I’ve never gotten that term. Brown gets a leather strap from somewhere and whips Ahmed with it in the corner.

Farrooq beats on him for awhile but as he goes for the Dominator, Johnson rolls over, spins Farrooq around and hits the Pearl River Plunge for the pin to tie us up at three. Well that was quick. Brown comes in and hits the Low Down in about four seconds but doesn’t cover. It doesn’t have a name yet at Brown isn’t even the small deal that he would become. He’s about as low as you can get at this point.

Anyway, Ahmed gets up as Brown punches him. There is literally no reaction from Ahmed. It’s like that Bruiser Brody vs. Luger cage match where Brody stopped selling, but in this case it’s just Ahmed coming back. Dude at least let your head go back a bit to make it look like you’re trying. I get what you’re going for here but it’s just not working.

Ahmed hits a front falling suplex which for some reason the announcers have no idea how to describe. They call it everything from a reverse Michinoku Driver to a reverse Pearl River Plunge. Guys, it’s a front falling suplex. It’s been done many times before. Now we get to the stupid part of the match as Brown is on the mat and Ahmed hits the ropes. Farrooq has stayed at ringside and trips Ahmed and holds his foot down so Rock can just climb on him and pin him.

The other referee tries to get Rock to stop, but doesn’t do anything about it like perhaps yell about how there’s ANOTHER GUY HOLDING HIS FOOT to the in ring referee. He also doesn’t even tell the referee after the pin. So wait, what’s the point of the outside referee? Is his job to just get the wrestlers to the back? If that’s the case why not just have Dog the Bounty Hunter out there? Or maybe Cartman? Is Grannie from the Beverly Hillbillies still alive? Maybe she could referee. A

lso, let’s take a look at the referee in the ring. Number one, he sees Farrooq at ringside. He has to. He was there almost two minutes after he was pinned so I’m assuming the referee looked in that area at least once. If not he should be fired. Even still, let’s assume he was distracted by some cotton candy in the 14th row. Doesn’t it seem odd that a man randomly falling down with no one even in the area?

Actually wait, Farroq was near there. Hmm, the other referee is clearly trying to yell at someone in that area. Eh must be autograph hounds. You know how popular we referees are among Croatian youths age 8-12. Finally, what the heck? Ahmed was literally not even moving a few seconds ago when a grown man was punching him in the jaw, and now being tripped prevents him from raising his shoulder?

The guy is a freaking tank and he can’t raise his arm because someone has a grip on his foot? Tell me in any way shape or form how that even begins to make sense. I mean seriously, that’s the best he can do? He can’t even throw up his shoulder? I get that he was supposed to get beaten, but freaking move blast it. It’s not even realistic at all. Once Rocky gets off, Ahmed pops up and chases Farrooq to the back and they brawl on the way. Does Rock weigh as much as an actual rock or something? That was just ridiculously stupid. Getting rid of Ahmed by cheating make sense, but for the love of turnips is it that hard to do it with some intelligence?

ANYWAY, Rocky sucks apparently. He’s not the only thing. We have Rock vs. Shamrock now which would become one of the big feuds in a few months, yet Shamrock wouldn’t really ever do much because of one simple reason: he never took the title from Rock. He beat him about 5 times but he never got the title. That was kind of pointless but whatever. Somehow we’re not even halfway through with this match and I’ve said this much already.

This was during a weird time in the Nation as Rock was usurping Farroq’s leadership as he was clearly the bigger star. Somehow there was never a big match between the two. I never got why it didn’t happen. Kama and Animal go at it for awhile and I literally have never heard a quieter crowd. Rocky Sucks apparently though. Some weird sound effect goes off which the announcers clearly didn’t know was coming.

I think the sound guy (Kevin Dunn according to Lawler) fell asleep from how boring that segment was. Animal rolls up Kama to make it 2-2. It’s Brown and Rock against Animal and Shamrock. JR says it’s back down to 2-2. When was it 2-2 before Jimbo? Shamrock wearing black doesn’t work because his opponents are all wearing it. It just isn’t working that well from a looks perspective.

Brown low blows him to stop the momentum. Due to this, Rocky is gay. Lawler knows what lackadaisical, or however you spell that, means. Hey, since D’lo and Shamrock are fighting, let’s talk about Austin vs. Owen. Is this WCW all of a sudden? Jennifer Aniston is on the Tonight Show so I’m officially distracted. Granted it didn’t take much at this point as this match is going on a bit too long, but at least there’s a point to this one unlike the first two of them.

Eventually Animal and Rock get tagged in and as Animal is cleaning house, the Outlaws come out. Road Dogg has Animal’s spikes and Gunn is wearing Road Warrior face paint. It amuses me how they stole the spikes and the LOD didn’t just perhaps go to their locker room and take them back. Wouldn’t that have solved a lot of issues?

Billy throws powder in Animal’s eyes and he gets counted out. Billy Gunn with white powder. The cocaine jokes write themselves. Animal gives chase, since apparently Hawk was busy playing dominos or something.

It’s Shamrock against Brown and Rock. Apparently Shamrock made both Bret and Shawn tap within the last two weeks. I remember Shawn tapping but not Bret. Wait yes I do remember Bret’s tapping. King says that this is wrestling and you don’t win by tapping out. Ross says like heck you don’t. Ok wait a minute. Lawler was trying to say that tapping out means nothing in wrestling, but in reality he said the right thing: if you tap, you don’t win.

Ross says apparently that you do. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Lawler messed up a line but was incorrect in the first place so his mistake made him correct, and Ross corrected Lawler’s mistake but in reality Lawler was right so Ross’ correction was incorrect? X, I think I might have to get you to teach me how to do drugs. This is absurd on so many levels anymore. Rock won’t tag Brown.

Oh wait yeah he did, making him saying no completely pointless. Shamrock hits that sweet belly to belly that he would do and gets the ankle for the tap out on Brown. It’s not a suplex but more of a throw so there we are. Rock nails him with a chair as the ref is getting Brown out but he kicks out. Rock hits that spinning DDT he would do that I don’t think ever had a name. I think on Wrestlemania 2000 it was called the Maivia Hurricane.

Ross says Shamrock was shot with a shotgun. What in the world does that even mean? Ok I get what it means but why did he say it? I’m chalking that up to just another randomly stupid JR line. Rock hits the People’s Elbow, which wasn’t named or a big deal yet so he just looks like a complete moron pointing like that. Ok so he looked like a moron when it was a big deal too, but shockingly he doesn’t get the pin.

Could that have anything to do with the fact THAT IT’S A STANDARD ELBOW DROP? The ropes don’t add any momentum because the big leg kick slows him down. It’s a dumb move and I’ve never been able to stand it. Here’s the comeback from Kenny as it amazes me that when this was taking place, South Park was three months old. DANG that show has been around forever. Rock taps to the ankle lock in a pretty easy ending for Shamrock.

Rating: B. There are very slow parts here but also some very good parts. The ending was very solid with Shamrock looking great as he gets the clean tap out win over Rock. That would be enough to get him a world title match next month. Other than that, there’s some ok stuff here. For a twenty minute match, this was fine. It has some parts that drag and would have been better at about 3 minutes shorter, but overall I’m fine with this. Good match.

There’s a new attendance record for this building. JR calls the WWF the leader in pro wrestling. I can’t make a joke here. That’s just such a flat out lie that it’s beyond jokes. The company was so close to being dead at this point that words don’t describe it. Ok so maybe they do, but WCW was completely dominant at this point.

The change was coming, but it was nothing Vince did. WCW just screwed up so completely and then Vince capitalized on it, but dang man the idea of Vince saving anything. WCW screwed up and WWF took the opening, plain and simple.

Order DX In Your House next month. All the cool kids are doing it.

We get a recap of Austin and all his injuries and how he’d never quit. We also see him getting dropped on his head at Summerslam, which changed his entire life and career. Owen doesn’t like him either. Austin had to forfeit the title which Owen won in a tournament thanks to Austin, who wanted to beat Owen for it.

Intercontinental Title: Owen Hart vs. Steve Austin

Austin gets a solid pop, but it’s nothing major. He flips off the crowd so we know how this is going to go. He got hurt two months ago and he’s wrestling here? Owen has the siren music here which is rather annoying. You can tell Austin is loving getting to be the jerk heel again. He was on the verge of shattering the glass ceiling and it was just a matter of time before he would. Owen comes out with Bulldog, Neidhart and Furnas and Lafon.

Apparently that name is spelled Lafond. I’m not going back and changing them so get over it. Owen’s Owen 3:16 says I just broke your neck shirt is either awesome or tasteless. I’m not sure which one. We get the big stall from Owen to start which is classic heel stuff, but he’s clearly the face here. It’s just hard to book shows in Canada because you need to keep the heels and faces acting accordingly, but that’s very rarely going to fly up there so what can you do?

Neidhart tries to sneak in and gets a Stunner and we’re off and running. The Break His Neck chant starts up as well. The vest is still on. Owen sets for a piledriver and the fans LOVE it. Owen and Team Canada leave, which Lawler says is Owen opening a can of haul off. I’m not sure if that’s funny or not but I think it is. The announce table that Mankind went through is still down, which is funny because they’re just sitting there in chairs, so Owen rams him into the table as it’s on the floor.

Owen is trying to lose via DQ and tries to ring his own bell. In a weird ending, Austin reverses Owen in the corner, stomps the mudhole, tries the same piledriver that injured him, flips Owen off and stuns his way to the title. Team Canada takes them as well and that’s it? That was barely four minutes long, but ok I guess. The goal was accomplished.

My guess is that was all Austin could do as a lot of this was choking and really basic stuff. Austin winning gets a HUGE face pop, which is surprising. Actually it’s not. Austin was the undisputed top face in the company everywhere else, so that actually does make sense. It’s saying something when someone is more popular than a Hart in Canada.

Rating: C. I’m calling it average because there just isn’t enough here to really go on. It’s fine I guess, but in four minutes with a lot of stalling and stuff on the floor there’s only so much I can grade. Austin was still banged up and you could see that he was wrestling a very different style over the next few months and even years due to the injury.

The car angle in two years was when he took the time off for surgery. By then his neck was just a complete mess and it didn’t do all it should have, but he did it for the company. That’s why I have issues with people saying Austin owes Vince something. That may be true, but Vince owes Austin a new neck, or half the company, one or the other.

And now, we have arrived. This is going to be different indeed as this is just such a famous moment that it’s hard to write about. I’m not sure how many jokes are going to be here as it’s not really something that’s easy to poke fun at but here we go.

We get the recap of Bret vs. Shawn from Mania 12, which I’m sure you’ve all known. There’s a review of it in Old School if you don’t know. Bret doesn’t like Shawn, period. He claims that he keeps getting screwed. The rematch was supposed to have happened at Mania 13, but Shawn was “injured”, which is still questioned to this day. Bret got Austin in the submission match, so he did ok as well.

Shawn accidentally caused Bret to win the WWF Title at Summerslam by swinging a chair at Bret but hitting Taker. That led to Shawn vs. Taker which ended in the first ever Cell match, which Shawn won to become number one contender. This is his title shot, and the first rematch in over a year and a half between these two.

This was always going to be epic. There’s some great arguments in here with Shawn saying he does this because he loves it and that Bret does this because he feels he has to. There’s a lot in that line.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

We see DX, which in this case is Shawn, HHH, Chyna and Rick Rude coming down to the ring from backstage. Shawn is European Champion here as well since the belt meant very little. He would drop it to HHH soon, literally just laying down for him in a rather funny moment. There’s more to it than that but that’s the gist of it. Shawn is booed out of the building of course, which means he’s doing a fine job.

He tells the Canadian flag to suck it and then humps it, which followed by a cut to a sign that says Shawn = Fag is a rather funny moment. We can infer from this that the flag is male. Bret and company are shown coming to the ring and the cheers start already. The announcer can barely be heard over the ovation he gets. Word hadn’t gotten out that this was likely his last night, so that’s a legit pop. My goodness that’s insane.

Bret waving the Canadian flag looks perfect. We’re underway and Shawn is getting his face kicked in. Maybe it hasn’t started yet. Either way, Bret is just owning everyoone here. In essence this is just a big pre match fight and since Bret is getting to beat on Shawn, I doubt he’s complaining about working more than he’s required to. For the first time ever that I can remember, Bret hits the headbutt and hurts his own head.

Vince and the Stooges come out to try to stop the brawl, and you can see the pieces falling into play already. Shawn takes over and they go into the crowd again. Ross mentions that there are rumors that if Bret loses he’s done. I don’t think that had been previously mentioned, so this was clearly a huge deal on many levels despite what else was coming. Slaughter is there too as they fight up the aisle.

Some of the referees get taken out as we’re five minutes into this and they were in the ring all of 8 seconds of it. The rest of it has just been a wild brawl. Bret knocks out another referee and they’re at the entry way so this part is going to go on for awhile. Vince gets in his face as I’m impressed with Vince being able to stay in character knowing what’s coming soon. After seven minutes we’re in the ring and Bret is choking Shawn with a Fleur De Lis flag.

Less than a minute after we actually start Shawn hits the forearm and the nip up and now he’s in control. Shawn chokes him with the flag and Bret is lightly bleeding. It really is hard to not just do commentary here. They go back to the floor again because we haven’t had enough of that yet in this match/fight. The announcers debate who has better cardio which they say Shawn does. If they knew anything was coming, they didn’t let on at all.

A piledriver on the stairs doesn’t work but Shawn keeps control. He breaks the flag and hits Bret in the chest with the pole. Fighting on the floor follows. This has been about 80% on the floor. Naturally, they’re back in there now. Even in the most infamous matches ever my timing is great. Bret does a weird sell as he gets hit by a top rope axe handle but pauses for a second before selling. Maybe it was just a reaction thing.

Shawn is apparently using some of Stu’s old moves. That’s either brilliant or stupid. If Stu used them a lot, wouldn’t Bret know the counters to them? Just as I say that, Bret counters. Bret goes for the knee but Shawn stops him again. Bret reverses a top rope cross body and gets a long two. I wonder what would have happened if he had gotten a fluke pin like that. Figure four on the pole, which I’m still trying to get how the pole actually helps here. I’ve never gotten hat one.

It’s standard (I will not say vintage…blast it) Bret here as he goes for the figure four. The fans chant Bret Sold Out, so apparently they knew he was gone. After a good amount of time in it, Shawn reverses and Bret breaks it with ropes. So it was Bret in the ring with the rope? Yeah I’ve got nothing for this. The match itself is solid actually so it’s even harder to do. Bret initiates his ending sequence, but for some reason he goes to the top for the elbow.

The extra time allows Shawn to pull the referee in the way so we know what’s coming. And there it is. Shawn goes for the Sharpshooter, which he does wrong at first. Earl Hebner doesn’t even get down to check with Bret and calls for the bell. He’s out of the ring as fast as humanly possible. In one of the most famous scenes in wrestling history, Bret spits on Vince as he automatically knew what was going on.

The camera on Bret’s face a second before this tells the whole story. He knew he got screwed over. Shawn plays innocent before walking by Vince and then grabbing the belt and jetting out of the arena. I think Vince might have said something. Since this is the home video release, we go straight to bonus footage after the show went off the air. Bret’s music plays as Bulldog tries to talk to him. You can tell Bret isn’t hearing a word he’s saying as he’s in his own world right now.

His face is a mixture of anger and being upset, but he really doesn’t look surprised. Anvil comes in and gets the same treatment. It’s clear that the fans don’t grasp what just happened and there’s no reason they should. He high fives a few fans and then goes nuts on the equipment from the announce tables, slamming monitors on the floor as we really go off the air. It’s probably better that they didn’t show what else happened backstage after the show.

Shawn played innocent, the Harris Brothers (Skull and 8-Ball of the DOA) went to Shawn and HHH and Vince and said they were on their side no matter what, and Bret took a shower. Vince was locked in his office in fear for his life. Undertaker literally kicked the door in and dragged Vince out to face Bret like a man. Bret had just gotten out of the shower when this happened, so during the confrontation, Bret was just out of the shower, sans towel.

He punched Vince in the jaw and Vince staggered backwards. He stepped on Brisco’s foot and broke his ankle. That’s just great. Taker and Foley were on the verge of quitting and heading to WCW that night actually. Bulldog, Owen and Neidhart did quit, but Owen came back a month later. Bret debuted in WCW soon, and at Starrcade 97’s main event of Hogan vs. Sting, WCW in a way parodied/referenced the Screwjob, which ultimately resulted in their downfall as I’ve mentioned many times before.

Rating: B+. All historic aspects aside, this was a very intense match that worked very well. Both guys were gods in the ring so it’s not like they couldn’t put on a good match. It’s the polar opposite of the Iron Man match, but that’s good I think. This is more of a fight than a match, but that’s fine by me. The match itself is overlooked I think, as no one even remembers anything but the finish.

Overall Rating: B+. Again, this is with all historic aspects of the main event aside. The show starts off really bad but it picks up very well afterwards. The crowd is white hot as most Canadian crowds tend to be which helps a lot. Everyone looks like they’re working hard and having a lot of fun, which is what makes a card great as well. The stories were advanced or ended here, which is what PPV is for.

Even the first match is ok I guess, meaning that this is a very recommended show. It’s well done and a great peak into what’s coming in the months and years to come while still having that taste of old school in it. It’s a great blend, which is an excellent and difficult component to have. Check the whole thing out as it’s very well worth your time.

And now, for the white elephant in the room. Obviously, this is one of the most famous and influential moments in wrestling history as nearly twelve years later at Breaking Point they redid it with Punk vs. Taker. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the story, here’s the basics of it. Note: there is likely FAR more to it than this, but there have been full books written about this night so I’ll have to go with the shorter version.

After Wrestlemania 12, Bret began negotiating a new contract with Vince while at the same time, WCW was offering him a ton of money. Bret was loyal to Vince and signed a mind blowing 20 year contract. The idea was that Bret would wrestle three more years then move into a management job with occasional TV appearances, similar to what someone like Foley was doing a few years ago.

In short, Vince ran out of money and couldn’t pay huge amounts to Bret after the first year and Vince told Bret that for his own financial security, he should go to WCW where the money would be guaranteed. Note: Bret had Vince’s blessing. Anyway, Shawn and Bret had NEVER gotten along, period. Bret was worried about the Clique’s booking powers growing rapidly and the rise of the Attitude Era, so he decided that he should go.

He had been working with Shawn on house shows, and at one of them Shawn called him out for sleeping with Sunny. That didn’t help things obviously. Then at a show in I think San Jose, Bret said he would lose to Shawn if asked to. Shawn said he would NEVER lose to Hart. Granted, this comes from Bret’s book and I’m always skeptical about anything any wrestler says. Shawn would later say this was a lie and that Shawn would have no problem losing to Bret as he had before. I lean towards Bret here, as Shawn had lost to him when Shawn was just a blip on the radar and never when they were both the top dogs in the company. Shawn’s ego went through the roof by that time and it seems very plausible for him to say he wouldn’t lose to Bret. Anyway, due to Shawn saying this, Bret changed his mind and said he wouldn’t lose to Shawn at Survivor Series.

Now we get to the hard part. Bret’s contract expires Sunday night, but he’s still champion. He says he’ll lose to anyone that Vince asks him to other than Shawn with zero complaints. Names like Austin, Shamrock, Taker, Mankind and Ahmed were thrown around for this, but in no way shape or form would he lose to Shawn in Canada.

So they struck a deal where Bret would keep the belt in Canada and the next night on Raw he would either surrender it or lose in a title match to someone Vince would decide on between the time the deal was made and Raw. So we get to Canada, and Vince is terrified that Bret is going to pull out on the deal. Now depending on who you want to listen to, anywhere from three to about 10 guys were in on the Screwjob.

There are so many theories out there from Bret was in on the whole thing (which isn’t that unplausible actually. The idea would have been Bret leaves for two to three years and then comes back in a shocker to face Vince and Shawn at Mania. Shawn would get hurt two months after this though and would be out for four and a half years. Bret would get hurt just over two years after Montreal, so neither of those things happened.

It’s still I guess a possible theory though. The basic theory that I believe is that Vince, HHH, Shawn, Brisco and Hebner were the only ones that knew. Vince secretly changed the ending of the match from Shawn getting the Sharpshooter and Bret countering into one of his own for the tap out into what actually happened.

You can see Bret going for the pre planned counter when the bell rings. Bret went to WCW and has been seen on WWE programming twice since: at his Hall of Fame induction and in a taped segment for Vince Appreciation Night. Anyway, that’s the main idea of it. Obviously there’s a lot more, but that would go on for days.

The more I’ve read about it, the more I side with Vince. Think about this for a minute. The common comparison that is made is that Vince was afraid that Bret would show up on Nitro with the belt etc. and do what Alundra Blayze did with the Women’s Title. That’s far from the truth. If you think about it, Vince, as a wrestling historian and fan, would have been worried about what he had done six years earlier with Ric Flair and the NWA Title.

Due to Flair taking that title to the WWF, the WCW Champion was looked at as a complete joke. Why should anyone care about their champion when they’re nothing more than a paper title holder? The NWA hasn’t recovered from that yet and never will recover from that. Vince had his back to the wall to put it mildly with WCW’s foot on his throat so he had to do what he had to do. I know that what he did wasn’t right, but dang man how much can you ask him to put up with?

Ok, I get that Bret didn’t want to lose to Shawn, but come on now Bret. It’s one match at the end of a 14 year Hall of Fame career. Lose to cheating or something like that. Bret’s pride got in the way here. There is no reason to not drop a title on your way out the door. I would say it’s unprofessional, but Vince wasn’t exactly a saint here either so that’s not fair to put on Bret.

Like I said though, how much can you ask Vince to have to deal with though? I think that’s overlooked a lot in this: the position Vince was in at the time. We all know that Bret was in an awkward spot, but what about Vince? His company was on the brink of bankruptcy, his talent was leaving left and right for WCW, he was getting killed in the ratings, and now he has to worry about his belt being disgraced on WCW.

Actually wait. I need to clarify that. Bret couldn’t show up with the belt, but even if he didn’t, it would have been disastrous for Vince. Like with Flair, if Bret is never beaten for the title and he leaves, why should we believe anyone that gets the belt next is a realistic champion? They never beat Bret. Bret is the WWF champion, not say Shamrock or whomever gets it next.

With the position that Vince was in, he was completely stuck and had to do something. While I don’t think it was the best choice, I honestly don’t know of anything else he could have done. As for Shawn, he’s the most innocent of all in this I think. He shot his mouth off yes, but he was just a pawn in this whole thing. He’s the guy that’s standing next to a fight but not doing anything in it.

Anyone that was in his place would have gotten the same looks, but honestly what is he guilty of? Nothing at all. He did what his boss told him to do. Shawn is innocent. As a whole, I think Bret doesn’t get enough of the blame and Vince gets too much. Vince should get more than Bret, but not as much as he gets.

It was a horrible situation, but I think Bret pushed it too far. I understand where he was coming from, but I think his pride went too far and he became selfish. I know this is going to get some replies and arguments, so bring them on.

 

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History of Survivor Series Count-Up – 1987 – It All Begins…..In Ohio?

We’re all familiar with the Monday Night Wars. Everyone knows the story about how Vince went head to head with Bischoff to square off with WCW for the final supremacy in professional wrestling. Now what a lot of you might not be familiar with is the original war between the NWA and the WWF. These two went to war in the 80s and this is probably the biggest shot that was fired.

For those of you that have watched the Starrcade documentary, you know about how it was the biggest show of the year for the NWA. Now, Wrestlemania was bigger, but it wasn’t as old as Starrcade which came two years earlier. Wrestlemania 3 occurred on March 29, 1987 and smashed every record on the planet. No one, not even Vince, thought it would do as well as it did.

So, based on the strength of this, Vince decided to make a second major show which would be based around Hogan and Andre again. However, he wanted to save the actual rematch for a later date, so instead the WWF came up with this team concept that we now know as the Survivor Series. It would be headlined by Andre’s team against Hogan’s team. Now what does this have to do with the NWA you ask?

The answer to that is simple. Vince decided that he could kill two birds with one stone here, so he booked Survivor Series to go head to head with Starrcade. Then he got really ruthless. He told the PPV providers that if they didn’t air Survivor Series, he wouldn’t allow them to air Wrestlemania. Now this was a HUGE gamble.

If the companies stick to their verbal agreements with the NWA and air Starrcade, then Vince has no one to air Wrestlemania, and if he went back on his word he and the WWF as a whole look like they’re caving in and are therefore weak. However, if the PPV companies fold to his pressure and air Survivor Series, then the NWA is hit badly as they won’t make as much money and the WWF gets a huge advantage.

Based on the fact that the NWA is now on some satellite channel and hasn’t meant anything in nearly 20 years, I think you know what happened. Vince won, and we got Survivor Series instead of Starrcade. The NWA would fire back though on Wrestlemania night by debuting Clash of the Champions on FREE TV, headlined by a 45 minute classic between Flair and Sting which was Sting’s coming out party on the national level.

The ratings for Mania 4 are proof that the show was hurt by CotC, as Mania 4 was far less viewed, especially during the time that the NWA was on. Anyway, that’s the history of how it started, so now let’s get to the history of how it happened. As usual, I’ll be posting a single review a day every day, with the 2008 review being put up on the day before this year’s show. All comments, criticisms and questions are welcome, so I hope you have fun with this as I will.

Survivor Series 1987
Date: November 26, 1987
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio (suburb of Cleveland)
Attendance: 21,300
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

I think the first show of these series is my favorite. You have little expectation because it’s never been done before. This is especially true in this case as this kind of match had never been seen on a wide level before. Like I’ve said, this was the sequel to Wrestlemania 3, so a lot of the feuds spawned either at that show or between then and now. Summerslam doesn’t even exist at this point.

We have a total of four matches on this card, so for the first few shows, you won’t be getting any matches as it’s kind of pointless to post a fourth or a fifth of the whole care. In this case, we have a mid card match, a women’s match, a tag match and the main event. That’s a grand total of 50 people wrestling tonight. That is a TON. I don’t even know if the rumbles have that many people at them.

Back in the early days this was 5 on 5 instead of the traditional four on four. For those of you that actually don’t know how this works, it’s elimination tag matches. The tag line was two teams of 5 strive to survive. A person can be eliminated by pin, submission, count out or DQ. The team that survives wins.

You can have any combination of people on a team at any point in the match. You could go from 5 vs. 5 to 5 vs. 1 to 1 vs. 1, making a lot of interesting scenarios possible. With all that being said, let’s get to the first ever Survivor Series.

The old school Coliseum Video intro was always sweet beyond belief to me. It’s so retro and so perfect that it’s all you could ask for in a generic intro. We open with a brief shot of the stare down between Andre and Hogan. The announcers talk to us for a good while as they explain a completely new concept to us which is always fun.

We’re in the back with Honky Tonk Man and his team. This match came about from Honky hitting Savage with the guitar and shoving down Liz. He threatens to hit the Shake Rattle and Roll on Liz.

Savage says that he’s coming for Honky.

Honky Tonk Man’s Team vs. Randy Savage’s Team

For simplicity’s sake, I’ll just be listing the captains in the titles and the wrestlers here.

Honky’s Team: Ron Bass, Hercules, Harley Race, Danny Davis.

Savage’s Team: Ricky Steamboat, Jim Duggan, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake.

On my tape the intros are cut and we just get very short clips of most people coming out which is a good way to save a LOT of time. I have the original two hour version of what was about a three hour show. See, it can cut a lot of time out of things. Bear with me on this one as I really have no idea how I’m going to do this. We start with Beefcake against Hercules, so there’s a trivia question that likely no one will ever ask.

One thing that’s certainly better back in the old days is the commentary. You don’t get a bunch of nonsense that no one cares about and that no one understands. Jesse and Gorilla are absolutely great at what they do. There’s very little reason here as to why most of the faces or heels are on their respective teams. The captains are obvious, but for the most part it’s just people that don’t like Honky.

He took the title from Steamboat, he was feuding with Roberts before he got the title, Beefcake would be next in line to feud with him as he had a title shot at WM 4, and Duggan is I guess just someone that needed something to do. On the heel side, there’s really no connection anywhere. Bass and Beefcake would feud in about a year but it was very short. Race didn’t feud with anyone other than some random world title shots.

Davis was just a twerp that cheated when he refereed and was a complete jobber, and Hercules was just the muscle of the Heenan Family. This is really just a midcard match with little rhyme or reason, which is one of the fun parts of this show. It offers a lot of chances for new feuds to start up and for matches that you wouldn’t usually see, which is always a fun thing.

The faces take turns beating on Davis as Ventura continues to say that Savage is the best wrestler in the world. See, that’s a great thing about Jesse. He had no problem admitting that a face was better than any of the heels. We have Harley Race against Ricky Steamboat in a complete and utter wet dream for 80s fans. You have a career heel against a career face and two of the best of all time.

Their careers just kind of missed each other though as Race was just about done when Steamboat got to the NWA again. Race had one of the best belly to belly suplexes of all time. The REAL best there is, best there was and best there ever will be comes in. (it’s the night after Slaughter hosted Raw for those of you that have no clue what I’m talking about). Duggan and Race both get counted out. That’s something that I like about these matches.

You have to do that quite a bit to clear out some of the dead weight in there and in this case it actually makes sense for something like that to happen. I like it. It’s 4-4 now for those of you keeping score at home. It’s now Bass against Roberts. Bass is the epitome of a generic heel. He’s just a mean guy from Texas that was kind of a cowboy. It’s one of those things you had back in the day that a bit more of wouldn’t hurt. Savage keeps trying to get at Honky which eventually gets him caught.

In one of the fastest sequences I can remember, he makes a very fast tag to Beefcake who hits a high knee to make it 4-3. You now have Davis, Hercules and Honky. That’s….not very good. We finally get the captain in there as Beefcake appears intoxicated. I will never get tired of seeing Honky sell an atomic drop. Gorilla says that Brutus has a lot of fight left in him so I’ll put the over under on his elimination time inside of 60 seconds. Yep, he’s gone in 18 as Honky hits the neckbreaker to tie us up at 3.

Here’s the problem though. The three heels I’ve already mentioned are up against Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat and Jake Roberts. Who do you think is going to win here? Yeah it’s pretty obvious which is what it was the whole match. The only more one sided match that I’ve ever seen was War Games 95 with Haku, Beefcake, Kamala and Earthquake against Savage, Sting, Luger and Hogan.

That’s a dream team for faces against a bunch of bad heels with maybe Haku I guess being the most successful? Yeah I think that one was worse but not by much at all. The story of this match is that Savage wants to kill Honky and nothing more. Apparently losing your captain is the end of your life which isn’t the case but Gorilla would like you to believe it. Since I believe in Gorilla Monsoon, I’ll believe that. What amuses me the most though is that once Savage is finally in there with Honky he tags out.

The DDT is teased but Honky gets out. That was a revolutionary move back then as there was nothing that was anywhere near as fast as that move. It changed a lot of moves in later times such as the Stunner or Rock Bottom which are moves that can be hit in the blink of an eye. That can be credited to the DDT and therefore Jake Roberts for making it happen.

Until then you had moves like the leg drop or the figure four that took a lot of time to set up and were easy to see coming. With the DDT it’s in the blink of an eye so you have to pay very close attention to Roberts, and also whenever he’s in trouble he’s not far enough out of it that a single DDT can’t save him. That adds a completely different dimension to Roberts’ character. There it is. Even Jesse knows Davis is done.

Hercules just kills Roberts with a clothesline after Davis is gone though. The heels do various nefarious things to Jake since Macho keeps going after Honky. Herc is called Hercules Hernandez which I thought had had long since stopped being called. Time for the Orton Special here as we need time to stall. They beat on Jake for a LONG time here and we go back to the chinlock. Roberts breaks it with what I guess would be called a head drag.

He shakes his head to send Hercules flying in the same movement that you would use in an arm drag. It’s right back on him though so the move was completely pointless, although cool looking. He gets the tag to Steamboat who amazingly would be performing on PPV TWENTY TWO FREAKING YEARS AFTER THIS. Think about that. How many of you are under 22? This is in the middle of his career and he had a longer time between that and Mania/Backlash this year when he wrestled again. That’s scary.

Big elbow ends Hercules to get us down to the real thing we want to see: Honky get his face kicked in. What follows is about two and a half minutes of Honky just being destroyed. Everything he tries is stopped dead. It’s more or less target practice at this point until an atomic drop sends him over the ropes and he runs away to end this via countout, which in this case makes sense.

Rating: B+. This was a very fun way to start the series. It had all kinds of guys out there and the faces got a bit of revenge. Honky shows that he’s smart by leaving in a match that really means nothing as the title isn’t on the line. It did a good job of showing what these matches can turn into with the 3-1 finish, as well as it progressed the Honky feuds with the midcard angle.

Savage was supposed to beat him for the title at Mania 4, but due to a lot of other backstage stuff, he got the world title instead and this feud was kind of left without a finish. This was a great old school 80s match though which was a great way to get us into the match type, so definitely a good opener.

We have a transition period here as the Women are introduced which few people either know or care about, with the announcers talking about whether Honky was right to bail or not.

Sensational Sherri’s Team vs. Fabulous Moolah’s Team

This would have been a 6 man tag any other time as it was only about the tag titles and the women’s title. Yes, there were Women’s Tag Titles back in the day. The champions there are the Glamour Girls and they’re feuding with the Jumping Bomb Angels. The Angels were more or less a cruiserweight style in women’s wrestling and they were very fun to watch.

They were very crisp out there and knew what they were doing. The other feud is Sherri vs. Moolah, as Sherri had taken the title from her recently. Compared to the 28 year (allegedly) reign of the Fabulous one, this was FAR shorter. Here’s the lineups:

Sherri’s Team: Glamour Girls (Judy Martin/Lelani Kai), Donna Christianello, Dawn Marie (no not THAT Dawn Marie).

Moolah’s Team: Jumping Bomb Angels (I can’t spell their names), Velvet McIntyre, Rockin Robin.

Yeah, women’s wrestling back in the 80s was a mix of awesome and worse than today’s product depending on when you were watching it. Wendi Richter for example was headlining some house shows in 85, but then you’d have some matches where they would make Alicia Fox look like Trish and Lita combined. Moolah is listed at 160lbs, which is amusing. She argues about it as do the commentators. This is really fast paced especially when the Bomb Angels are in there.

One of them jumps over the top rope and comes in with a dropkick before she hits the mat. That’s just cool looking. Chrisitanello is gone in about 2 minutes as McIntyre hits a great rollup move to pin her. Velvet was a great wrestler that never really got the credit she deserved. She hit a lot of moves you would see a guy like Rey hit, so that’s a compliment if there ever was one. She used a lot of one footed dropkicks which is effective and different at the same time. Kai comes in.

She would actually be at WM 10 fighting for the women’s title. It came from left field and was a one off appearance. She was destroyed and it made little sense. It would be like having Bart Gunn show up and fight Rey in a random IC Title match. Robin botches hitting the ropes which isn’t something you see that often.

Robin eliminates Dawn Marie with a bad looking cross body. That makes it 5-3 and more or less makes this what matters. It was about the tag feud and the three single faces against Sherri. One of the Angels is in now and uses what we would call a Matrix move to get out of a pin. Considering she was on the mat and did that to get out, that’s impressive.

She is all over the place and tags in her partner who starts by coming in with what we would call Old School but instead of a chop or walking the ropes, she rolls over in a perfect arm drag. This is one of the fastest tag teams I’ve ever seen, regardless of gender. Sherri is getting beaten on now by just about everyone which is always fun to see. This is kind of similar to what happened to Honky earlier but Sherri is the tougher of the two.

They botch (kind of) a monkey flip which to be fair is a hard move to hit. Also the Glamour Girls aren’t exactly tiny ladies. Robin gets pinned with a suplex. Yeah in the 80s that was a big move actually, and not just for the women. Flair won his first WWF match in the 70s with that move. EGADS one of the Angels gets throw 360 by the hair. Velvet hits a cross body where she rotates around the body of the Glamour Girl.

As in she makes contact and her feet go into the air and then she lands the other way than the way she jumps if that makes sense. Moolah hits a bolo punch and I can’t believe I actually knew that. The tags are WAY too fast for me to keep up with here. Jesse goes on a short tangent about how one of the women should go bald to avoid hair pulling.

That’s actually not a bad idea. Back then it wasn’t about the looks so why not? Moolah gets knocked out by a clothesline, which is likely good as she was 6-freaking-4 years old at this point and had been women’s champion earlier in the year. What does that tell you about the women’s division at this time? That makes it 3-3.

Sherri thinks she’s Hulk Hogan with a leg drop and then a….what was that? It was a combination gutwrench suplex and DDT. I think it was supposed to be a suplex and was a botch. Yeah the women weren’t always perfect. We have a messed up bell ringing as one of the Angels bridges out of a pin and the bell rings anyway. The referee waves it off so it was a mistake I guess. We get a VERY old school giant swing which is always cool. Yeah Velvet is hurt and I think it’s legit.

She does get a victory roll to eliminate Sherri but Sherri’s shoulder was up. I really think the injury is legit. Either that or she’s the best seller I’ve ever seen. The Angels can’t slam the Glamour Girls, if that tells you how big these girls are. It’s the most basic hold there is and it can’t be done. It’s not the Angels’ fault though. We get a body scissors of all things which I guess could hurt a bit. We get REALLY old school as we have a sling shot.

A match with a slingshot and a giant swing makes this the best match EVER. Velvet is pinned in what we would call an electric chair to make this an elimination tag team match. These four would have a bunch of matches, including a fictitious title change in Cairo. They would actually have a title match at the first Royal Rumble where the Angels would take the titles before the belts were just dropped. Kai is eliminated by a cross body as this is really close to being over.

We get a move that I’ve always liked the idea of as they go for an atomic drop and instead just drop Judy Martin down. Jimmy Hart gets dropkicked to the floor and a top rope clothesline ends it. This was fast paced and very fun, but sloppy as HECK.

Rating: C+. The Bomb Angels were fun to watch as they could possibly out move Lita. It was a decent length match and they got rid of the dead weight very fast which was fine and then we got down to some better stuff. There were certainly some horrid spots, but there was enough good to make it passable.

Amazingly, we’re halfway done.

The announcers praise the Angels as they certainly should. Jesse’s line of the Glamour Girls are in trouble is very true. You can tell he was really impressed.

The Hart Foundation, the heel captains, are with most of their team as I don’t think you can fit 10 guys and two managers into a single shot. Heenan says that they’re ready.

Strike Force say their team will win. You can hear Demolition’s theme playing in the background during this.

Strike Force’s Team vs. Hart Foundation’s Team

Hart Foundation’s Team: Demolition, Dream Team (Dino Bravo/Greg Valentine), Islanders, Bolsheviks.

Strike Force’s Team: Killer Bees, Young Stallions, British Bulldogs, Rougeau Brothers.

Nikolai Volkoff and Rick Martel start. The rules here are that if any person is eliminated, his partner is too which is a nice little twist. You have 20 guys in this match so this is a crowded apron. I’ve always liked Strike Force for some reason. I have no idea why but I’ve always loved their stuff. Zhukoff tagged someone but it’s ignored. Have to love that kind of thing. The apron is about 80% full. Bolsheviks are gone in about a minute after the forearm.

Oh yeah this is happening because Strike Force won the titles from the Harts and the Harts want revenge. Demolition was just freaking awesome all the time. For some reason Jesse can’t tell the Rougeaus apart. One is blonde and the other has facial hair. They don’t even look related. We get a real power match here with Smash against Davey.

The sad case that is Dynamite Kid comes in and gets beaten on. Dynamite was the man that Benoit based his entire style off of. This is just hard to call as the tags are even faster than the last match. Paul “I was a Horseman blast it!” Roma comes in. Monsoon says you have to pay attention in this one. Truer words have never been spoken. Jesse’s line of the Young Stallions look like geldings right now made me laugh.

The Rougeaus are gone off a missed cross body so at least it’s down to four to four or eight to eight depending on how you look at it. This is a great case of power vs. speed all around. Neidhart and Haku, which is a strange pairing if there ever was one, hit a cool looking double team move with Neidhart having him over the shoulder and Haku hitting a double axe.

Valentine comes in, amazingly looking the same 22 years later. Has there ever been a guy more stuck in the 80s? That’s not fair though as he still looks pretty good for his age. Bravo would have a short angle about his strength coming up.

Everyone beats up Dynamite and Smash shoves the referee to eliminate Demolition to a very loud pop. The most successful guy in the match comes in: Bret Hart. Good grief how many titles are there between these twenty guys? Actually not as many as you would think. Unless I’m missing something, only Bret is a future world champion and of all people Martel was a former world champion at this point, having held the AWA title for over a year.

Actually, after this, other than hardcore titles, the only people to win singles titles after this were Bret, Bulldog and Martel, who had a completely forgotten and unimportant WCW TV Title reign of about a week. Oh and Santana would win the ancestor of the ECW title, which meant nothing at the time. Jesse and Gorilla argue over how to pronounce Tama’s name. Strike Force is WAY over. In case you’re wondering, the score at this point is 4-3 with Strike Force in the lead.

Now we’re both slowing down a bit and we’re getting to the point where things are also a LOT less cluttered. That was the problem earlier: things were just overly crowded. Neidhart pins Santana which really furthered their feud as the former champions pin the champions. Even with that, Demolition would be the team to take the belts from them at Mania 4, holding them for over a year in the longest reign in history which I can’t imagine would ever be topped.

Jesse says his great, great grandfather Ephraim the Body came over on the Mayflower. To say Jesse was hilarious is an understatement. The Stallions are just getting the heck beaten out of them, but like a bad fungus they won’t go away. With it being 6 on 6 it’s a lot better looking here.

That being said, the Bulldogs are put down by superkicking Dynamite after a very fast paced sequence with Bulldog and the Harts to an extent. The Stallions are STILL getting beaten up at this point and you almost want to feel sorry for them. I say almost because then you flash back to how much of a bastardization the Horsemen were with Roma in them. Hit Roma MORE!

It’s now 3-2 heels, which I believe is the first time all night that a heel team has been ahead. That’s actually very impressive. The Dream Team, who I never remember winning a match, screw up by trying to show off which allows Roma to pin Valentine with a sunset flip off the top and get us down to some hot four on four action. In case you can’t remember, that’s the Harts and the Islanders vs. the animal lovers of the Bees and the Stallions.

Hart is just so far ahead of everyone else out there it’s scary. Tama is a guy that was awesome yet sadly enough not a lot ever was done with him. He was 21 at this point and after about another year, you just wouldn’t hear much of him again. Jimmy has to be tired as he’s been out there for all three matches so far. Egads a double headbutt from the Islanders and Roma has to be completely dead. I have something to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving show.

Haku and Neidhart both hit dropkicks. This was actually a nice coincidence as Monsoon says he’d like to see Anvil get up for a dropkick and before he’s done saying that Anvil was in the air. The timing was perfect and Monsoon got a kick out of that. No that wasn’t meant to be a pun. Roma FINALLY gets out and a Jim Brunzell is in. The Bees take out the Harts after a rollup. We get the evil foreign nerve hold which never actually did anything that I can remember.

The Islanders, the far fresher and more dominant team, get a lot of time to beat on the quick faces which is a nice sign. They get about seven minutes. Another nerve hold and Jim looks like he’s having a seizure or getting a blowjob from a Rottweiler. We go to a random shot of the crowd. Yeah that made no sense at all. After a VERY long beatdown, we get all 6 guys in the ring except one. Blair has put a mask on and hits a sunset flip as the illegal man for the win.

You would think that the referee would notice that there was a killer bee getting knocked to the floor and within half a second a masked bee is hitting a sunset flip but then again, I’m no professional. Despite having nothing to do with the ending, Strike Force’s music is played for the faces to leave to.

Rating: B. This was awesome with all kinds of stuff going on. The apron was crowded but this was much better paced than some of the other matches tonight which just flew by with everyone being eliminated within a few seconds. Here the match went on longer and people were eliminated in a more normal and realistic style.

The ending was fun as the faces cheated to win and speed beat power. This was just fun with everyone getting a turn and hitting their finisher which is always cool to see. It was a bit sloppy with so many people, but dang it was fun.

Ted DiBiase is thankful that he’s rich and that he got to make RVD kiss his feet back when RVD was about 12. How amazing is it that DiBiase would never be a world champion and the kid that kissed his feet would? That’s amazing for anything, not just pro wrestling.

Honky says he’s still the IC champion. Yeah the belt didn’t give that away.

Jesse’s hat is great as he tries to get it over his headset but it’s just kind of sitting on his head. Even Gorilla says that wasn’t fair.

Recap of the main event feud. Andre hasn’t wrestled since Mania, which isn’t true as he was likely on house shows but we can’t let that be known. Heenan and Andre says they’re going to destroy Hogan. Andre is so huge he’s terrifying.

Hogan says his team will dominate.

Andre’s Team vs. Hogan’s Team

Andre’s Team: Butch Reed, Rick Rude, King Kong Bundy, One Man Gang.

Hogan’s Team: Bam Bam Bigelow, Don Muraco, Ken Patera, Paul Orndorff.

Bobby’s introduction of Andre is a bit amusing as he says he’s from FRANCE. Heenan just shouts it which was a bit odd. This was at the very end of Hogan’s four year reign as he would lose the belt two days after I was born on February 5th 1988. We actually have reasons for a lot of these guys being in this match. Hogan and Andre of course need no explanation. Orndorff hates Heenan (although they would reunite about a year later) because Heenan fired Orndorff for Rude so those two are explained.

Orndorff and Bigelow shared a manager in Oliver Humperdink so that’s why the Beast from the East is there. Patera was feuding with the Heenan Family, and Muraco had saved Billy Graham from Gang and Reed. Graham was supposed to be in this match but had to retire due to injuries. Bundy is there just because of Heenan, and Reed and Gang are there to get back at Muraco. Some of these are a bit stretched, but I think it’s fine.

Graham was Hogan’s friend so Muraco being in the match as his replacement is fine. Hogan is still rocking the old school WWF Title here which was a bland looking belt. Orndorff gets a heck of a pop which surprises me a bit. Of course the roof is blown off for Hogan as it should be. Andre’s eyes are locked onto Hogan as he comes down with the American flag. Was there a point to Hogan’s bandana having the strips hanging down into his eyes that I just never got?

Monsoon says that Hogan decides Rock is going to start. I love that it’s just assumed that Hogan makes all of the decisions because he’s the only one with a brain. Ok on second thought looking at his team that’s a good idea actually. Hogan’s team huddling is clichéd but cool. Moraco is freaking scary looking.

We start with the ravishing one and the magnificent one. I love how they don’t even have names anymore and it’s just descriptions. Rude’s tights are odd to say the least as they’re covered in road signs. Hogan is in and gets less of a pop than Orndorff. However, his is much longer. Bigelow gets a loud reaction of his own. Patera, a guy that I’ve already explained, gets zero reaction. It’s also Butch Reed in there now.

Big leg gets rid of Reed in about 3 minutes. Andre comes in and the showdown is imminent. However, Hogan high fives Patera which is called a tag. Even Hogan says he didn’t mean to do it. Jesse screams conspiracy about Joey Marella saving Hogan. In something that you might not know, Joey is the son of Gorilla Monsoon. You know, if Hogan wants Andre so badly, why doesn’t Patera just tag him back in? Andre tags out to Bundy anyway.

Why is it that every time that a big guy is sent into the corner Monsoon swears the ring moves at least 6 inches? No, it didn’t. According to the voiceover guy, the heels weigh close to 2000 pounds. Are you telling me that one guy can move them that far? Patera is eliminated by the gang to tie us up at 4. Bigelow’s pop for him helping Hogan is INSANE. Orndorff and Bigelow are getting pops that can rival Hogan. That’s saying a lot.

No that’s saying more than a lot. That’s mind blowing and unheard of. Orndorff and Rude are gone within 2 minutes of that and since they were more or less filler I’ll spare you the details. Rude was out of the pin but we’ll let it go I guess. Muraco and Bundy are in there now and just as I say that Gang comes in. That’s about 1400lbs between three guys. That’s freaking insane. Not even Taker, Kane and Show are that big. Muraco tries to slam Gang.

Yeah there’s a reason he’s known for his body and not his brain. Note: at this point Hogan and Andre haven’t touched each other. Gang eliminates Muraco with a splash and he’s on a roll here. The more I see of Bigelow the more I agree with IC. This is brought on as Bammer gets a great looking (considering who did it) sunset flip on the Gang. He cleared him almost easily. That’s very impressive since Gang was taller than Hogan.

Bigelow is getting beaten up badly here. I love how Hogan has been in there maybe 45 seconds other than run ins and yet will easily get the biggest paycheck of the night. Heenan apparently has a master plan. Is there a school for managers and heels to get master plans from? I’d love to sign up for them. Did anyone else ever think that Hogan looked like he was about to cry when he was upset? His face was always comical to me.

Andre is huge compared to Bigelow, but we don’t get to explore that as Bigelow rolls forward and it’s on. The pop for this blows away everything else all night. Hogan of course beats the tar out of Andre. He hits the ropes but Bundy pulls him out. Hogan plays hero and beats on the inconsequential heels, slamming them both, but in doing so he’s counted out. So let me get this straight. Hogan and Andre lasts a 54 seconds, meaning Hogan was legal less than 2 minutes combined in this match.

You have to love that. Actually I don’t. That’s ridiculous. The show was based around this but instead we get a minute long fight and Hogan out there for less time than some people can hold their breath. That’s just freaking sad. Now we have Bigelow against these three, which I’m betting isn’t going to go well for the Beast. Jesse points out that even if Bigelow was fresh this would be nearly impossible. He throws a dropkick of all things and gets height on it. I’m impressed with this guy.

Considering the other two big guys did jack and Bigelow just did a slingshot splash and cleared the top rope at nearly 400lbs, I’m impressed with Bigelow, so IC, you win this one. Gang misses a top rope splash and gets pinned. I think that was rigged so he could go find pie. So it’s Andre vs. Bigelow, and Andre is more or less fresh against Bigelow who is pretty much dead. Bigelow is rolling around to avoid Andre but then in a move that just looks hilarious Bigelow charges at him and misses.

That looked like something from a bad comedy movie. Andre hits a suplex move which was kind of a butterfly I guess but with only one arm hooked (Gorilla says double which isn’t true at all) for the win. Hogan runs out and beats Andre up. That is even more nonsense. Andre won completely clean. Hogan got beat clean. I love how Hogan could do absolutely no wrong. This is ridiculous actually and Hogan is a whining bastard.

He of course poses to end the show and Jesse is absolutely right: he has nothing to celebrate. Jesse as always threatens to come out of retirement and take the title from Hogan. In the back, Heenan and Andre say they’re ready for Hogan and they just proved it and all Hogan has to do is sign the contract. Jesse is rightfully ticked off and we have credits?

Rating: B. This was another good match and it did the important thing: it gave you the possibility that Hogan could lose. It evened the score at one apiece. I’m actually ticked off about what Hogan did. That’s just complete and utter nonsense. Why should Hogan get to do that? The heels winning was brilliant and unexpected, and it set up the rematch in early February that got a 15 in the ratings. Think about that for a bit.

Overall Rating: A-. This was a perfect way to introduce the format. It advanced the stories, it gave a bridge to the next year, and it was all fun. You had four distinctly different matches, each of which played to a different area of the card, and the ending was a surprise. This is a rare occurrence in the history of the company actually.

Usually I would say that you should watch it because it’s the first show and for nothing else. This time, watch it because it’s the first show and because it’s a great show. This is definitely good and worth watching and gets a very high recommendation.

Note: this is accurate as of August 11th, 2009. Now, I did a bit of research here and I found something that illustrates a lot. As I said, there were 50 wrestlers in action tonight. For the sake of this, we’ll factor out the women’s match and say it’s 40. Let’s compare this to a match from last year’s Survivor Series, in this case Team Orton (Orton, Shelton Benjamin, William Regal, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry) vs. Team Batista (Batista, CM Punk, Matt Hardy, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth).

Now, that’s 40 guys compared to 10 guys. In total, the 40 men on tonight’s show won 60 titles in the WWF. That’s a lot. By comparison, the 10 guys in the modern match have won 54 (excluding the hardcore title reigns which would put the modern team over). Think about that for a minute. ¼ of the people won 90% of the amount of tag titles. Also, R-Truth as of this writing has never held a non-hardcore title.

I’m also considering any tag title reign as separate reigns, so Neidhart and Bret Hart, three time tag champions, account for 6 of those 60 titles. That tells me a few things. First, there are FAR too many titles today. Second, it’s not as hard to become a champion today. Look at two main event guys in the 87 show: Bigelow and Orndorff.

Neither won any titles in WWF, yet they main evented shows, yet Matt Hardy and William Regal have never main evented any PPV that I remember (they may have but off the top of my head I’ve got nothing) and have a combined 22.

Now Hardy is probably a bigger star than either of them, but Regal simply isn’t bigger than Bigelow, plain and simple. Therefore, third, it says that title reigns don’t mean that you’re a star. Either way, there’s a huge difference between the eras and the title scene now is just ridiculous.

 

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Survivor Series Countdown

I completely forgot about it this year.  I’m going to start posting two a day, starting with the 87 original and the one that would be today (Sunday, 1997) and I’ll be caught up in about 5 days.  SOrry about the delay.

 

KB




Survivor Series 2000 – I Never Remember This Show

Survivor Series 2000
Date: November 19, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 18,602
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s a most interesting time for professional wrestling as WCW is on the absolute brink of going out of business and ECW was either off TV or almost off TV. The WWF had won the war and they knew it. Austin is back, having returned about a month or two ago to go after the driver from last year, who I’ve already explained to be Rikishi. Kish has also revealed that he was working for HHH the whole time, leading to the main event of Austin vs. HHH tonight.

Also we have Kurt Angle, who won the world title the previous month, defending against the Undertaker who is the American at this point. Other than that, there’s not a lot here. The Radicalz are here, which more or less completes the roster up until the Invasion of the following summer. With that being said, let’s get to it.

The opening video is a cool looking one of HHH saying how he controls everything and how tonight it’s Game Over for Austin. This doesn’t sound like much but it was really cool.

I miss WWF New York. That has to be one of the coolest ideas of all time.

Trish Stratus/T&A vs. Steve Blackman/Crash/Molly Holly

Whoever can find the point to this match first gets a present. T&A had taken over the APA’s office and turned it into T&APA. Yeah it’s dumber than it sounds. This was mainly to get Trish on TV I suppose, but the problem was that she just flat out sucked at this point. I know she became the best in the company eventually, but at this point she was just terrible.

As Lawler stares at her (with good reason), Ross points out a cool stat: the last six Survivor Series have had the WWF Title change hands. That’s not something I would have picked up on and it’s what commentators are supposed to do: throw out something that we wouldn’t catch. For some reason, Crash is WAY over. Molly is a newcomer at this point, and she is completely underrated as far as looks go. She really was very attractive.

Blackman is still desperately in search for a personality. I never realized how long he was in the company for. He’s the Hardcore champion here, because that’s what he did. Blackman and Albert start as Ross mentions that Crash was left in charge of the APA, because that makes sense in some weird logic. Trish, more or less in a one piece swimsuit, kicks Albert low. T&A is Test and Albert in case you didn’t know.

Crash allegedly looks like Elroy Jetson. I’ve never seen it. He does hit a cool move where he flips over the top rope head first and catches Test in a hurricanrana. Teddy Long is the referee which amuses me to no end. We’re about a year away from the brand split, where Long would find a completely new career. Test takes Crash’s head off with a boot. That was awesome. There’s this weird smoke going through the arena. It looks really odd.

We get Molly vs. Trish, leading to Molly carrying her through this as she should. Trish hits her bulldog from the middle rope that gets two. Almost immediately after that though, Molly hits a sunset flip from the middle rope for the pin. She almost came out of her top here, which isn’t a bad thing.

Rating: D+. Uh, yeah. Can someone tell me why this was on Pay Per View, or better yet why it opened the show? The women were hot, and that’s about it. Oh and that Crash rana was cool. Other than that, this was a waste of 5 minutes. At least they kept it short.

Edge and Christian won’t help Kurt against Taker, due to Christian eating some bad chili and having mono. It sounds dumb but odd comedy was what they were best at so this was fine. Angle says he’s not worried.

Tiger Ali Singh (picture Daivari mixed with the Million Dollar Man) and Low Down (Mosh and D’Lo Brown) can’t get into the arena. That’s somewhat amusing.

Radicalz vs. K-Kwik/Road Dogg/Chyna/Billy Gunn

Kwik is more commonly known as R-Truth. He and Dogg are doing a rap gimmick that wasn’t half bad actually. This is likely because it got Dogg doing ANYTHING else. Since that was likely the point of the character change, he was put into a team here with his old friends Chyna and Billy, because that’s not a DX reunion at all is it? The Radicalz had shown up in January and had been around the midcard ever since, which was fine I guess as they had no resumes to speak of in this company.

Chyna’s Playboy would be coming out soon after this, causing me to be very happy as I had a big thing for her. Chyna had been with Eddie over the Summer but at this point they were estranged due to him screwing two hos, one of which being known as Victoria. Billy is now known as The One. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. At the moment Malenko is the Light Heavyweight Champion and Guerrero is the Intercontinental Champion and Terri is Saturn’s manager.

Billy and Saturn start off here which makes my head hurt. Why start with the least talented guys on each team? Chyna comes in soon and my heart goes all aflutter. She beats the living tar out of Saturn, which is pretty impressive. After a DDT (is there anything not perfect about this woman?), we get a big brawl and Eddie nails Chyna with the IC belt, allowing Saturn to pin her. Well that kinds of sucks. Now it’s Road Dogg vs. Saturn.

The Radicalz were an interesting team. When they were awesome they were very awesome but when they sucked they REALLY sucked. The Radicalz beat down the Dogg with relative ease, which makes sense. Eddie and Malenko come in for awhile to beat on him which is at least watchable. Lawler makes a great and true point when he says Dean doesn’t get the credit that he deserves.

Eddie takes too long on the top rope and Dogg makes his bad comeback. Ross says that there’s always something to remember in November. There has to be a bad lawsuit for ECW in there somewhere. Billy comes in and gets beaten down by the Radicalz as well, so at least some things never change. However, since he’s likely filled with cocaine, Billy pops up and beats on Eddie before using a sleeper drop to pin him. It’s not a great move but at least I see what they’re going for with it.

Kwik comes in and everything goes fast all of a sudden, but it ends just as fast due to a great Benoit German suplex to make it 3-2. What a shock: the Outlaws are the last two against the other team. I never once would have seen that coming. There’s a lot of brawling in the corner here, which isn’t really a good thing with this much of it. Despite being on the same team, the former Outlaws have gone their separate ways. Only in JR’s mind does that even begin to make sense.

A decent Northern Lights suplex takes out Roadie making it 3-1. This part is rather academic as they just beat on him over and over again. Eventually they hit the floor and Saturn messes up by superkicking Benoit square in the shoulder, which of course knocks him out. Billy gets in and hits a Fameasser on Malenko to make it 2-1.

Why does Billy against Benoit just sound like it’s a bad sign for the American? Billy actually kicks out of the headbutt which is kind of impressive. He goes for a suplex over the top but just like Warrior vs. Rude in 1989, Saturn hooks his foot to play the part of Heenan for the pin.

Rating; B-. Eh, it’s not terrible I guess. Actually at times it was even pretty good. There’s a lot of fast paced stuff in here which makes things go a lot better. Billy was the kind of guy that they tried so hard to push so many times and it just kept failing time after time. It’s not awful, but it could have been a bit better. I’m just not sure how.

Rock is just getting here and ignores Lillian’s questions.

Jericho says he was ready for a sanka on a poll match, but instead it’s just a regular match which is fine with him. He’s fighting Kane tonight in a feud that started over Jericho spilling coffee on Kane and then making bad jokes about Kane being burned, leading to this match.

As I’m watching this video where Jericho is still in the midcard and not a big deal yet at all, great talker, but he doesn’t have the resume yet. That’s a great sign for Miz. Anyway, Kane has spent about a month beating on Jericho, so there we are.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

The pop is just ridiculous for Jericho. But hey he wasn’t important so he couldn’t get a serious push for over a year right? He’s in way over his head here as Kane is still a monster and Jericho is at the point where he’s too big for the IC Title for the most part but he’s not ready for the main event yet.

Jericho pounds away which gets him nowhere. It’s so odd seeing him being all aggressive etc compared to what he usually does anymore. Jericho uses basic speed to get Kane to the floor but goes for a dive over the top but hooks his foot on the top rope and faceplants badly. Basically this is a lot of hitting and running by the blonde until he gets caught in a powerslam off a cross body.

The idea here is that Kane doesn’t like Jericho because he’s handsome and Kane is all disfigured. It’s so weird to think that this is in the same year as Wrestlemania 2000. I’m not sure why but that blows my mind. Kane hooks Jericho in a Hangman which the idea is that Jericho and Kane are back to back and Kane reaches over his head, grabs Jericho under the chin and lifts him onto his back. It looks insane.

Kane gets the turnbuckle pad off but can’t ram Jericho in. Jericho blocks the clothesline with a dropkick which for once is realistic looking with Kane having a reason to come off the top in that position. He sits up anyway and we’re right back to even. Kane goes for a Snake Eyes on the exposed buckle but gets rammed into it instead.

Jericho hooks the Walls and Kane is in trouble. After being in them for about a minute he finally gets the rope. They scare the heck out of me with one thing they do but Kane saves it. Jericho sets for the Lionsault and Kane literally has to scoot over three feet so it’ll hit. THANKFULLY he grabs the choke as Jericho lands so that’s all fine. Chokeslam ends it.

Rating: B-. It’s what you would expect from these guys but minus just a bit. The problem here is that Jericho just isn’t ready to fight a guy the size of Kane. Jericho’s big push would come soon, but he just wasn’t ready here. He made it look good though, which is the point in fighting big monsters that are higher up on the food chain than you, so I can hardly complain I guess.

Terri tells the Radicals that HHH is here. Something is funny apparently.

European Title: William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly

This is happening because of some argument they had or other. They more or less say we just threw this together. He makes fun of the country for not being able to elect a new President, which is exactly true. He does more insults about basic things, which isn’t really that impressive. Holly has just come back from having his arm broken by a botched Angle moonsault, which was barely touched on in I think a run in and a bad match on TV.

Since he’s intelligent, Regal goes after the arm that was injured. So we’re about three minutes into this and it’s been literally ALL Regal. What’s the point of this match again? Oh yeah we need to fill in time. Holly starts his comeback, but after three punches and a crossbody, Regal is back on offense again.

Oh wait he got a fourth punch! He gets three more and two clotheslines before they go to the floor. Holly has finally taken control, so he goes and gets the belt and blasts Regal with it for the DQ. Mounted punching follows. Well thank you for that.

Rating: D-. This was just stupid. Why was this on PPV anyway? It was about 6 minutes long and was about 95% Regal, before a stupid DQ. This looked like the start of an angle rather than a PPV match, but of course nothing ever came of it. I don’t get this one.

Trish hits on Angle. He doesn’t get it.

We get a recap of Rock vs. Rikishi. The fat man claims that Rock asked him to take out Austin, which turns out to be a lie. Rock says he wants nothing to do with Rikishi, other than having this match of course and making a PPV paycheck from it. Anyway, Rikishi is in a Lincoln, the same kind of car that ran over Austin and slams Rock’s chest with a sledgehammer. The car was driven by HHH which reveals him to be the accomplice and mastermind behind the whole thing. That leads us here.

Rikishi vs. The Rock

Ok number one way to get Rikishi over as a heel, change his freaking ring attire. The thong thing just looks ridiculous. Rock sprints to the ring and beats the tar out of him. He even gets a decent Samoan Drop on him. I’ve never seen him punch that fast. Anyway, Rock goes for a chair but it doesn’t work as the referee grabs it and Rock takes a superkick to the chest, which makes more sense than the jaw in this case. The psychology is here if nothing else.

A lot of guys would have completely ignored the chest thing and just done generic offense, but if nothing else Rikishi is working on the chest almost entirely. He punches it in three out of the four corners because for some reason Rock’s reaction to pain is so stumble to the right every time. The story of the match is basically this: Rikishi hits Rock in the chest a bunch, Rock holds his chest, Rock fights back, repeat. Rock continues to act as a bra by holding his chest as they go to the floor.

The referee goes down on the floor because there hasn’t been enough ridiculous brawling so far of course. The fat guy becomes HHH as he pulls out a sledgehammer. I love Rock’s ridiculous overselling. He hits the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee, which doesn’t matter because Rock can’t cover. Back on their feet, Rikishi keeps stopping the comebacks with the racially charged heabutts, because all Samoans have hard heads right?

The deadly fat man drop looks like it has finished the Rock and is going to allow the evil of thongs to reign supreme forever, but it only gets two. Rikishi hits the Stinkface, which has got to be the most ridiculous move of all time. I hate moves…no wait it’s not a move. I hate things like that where it’s supposed to be psychologically devastating. Rock comes back with a big clothesline and Rikishi does a big flip that he tended to do.

The elbow hits and after a long wait before covering and barely a cover, that’s it? Oh come on now. Post match, Rikishi gets up because he got hit by A FREAKING ELBOW DROP. I love the way Rock is holding his chest as it looks like he’s covering his nipples. Four Banzai Drops later, Rock is hurt apparently.

I love when announcers say people will never be the same. Of course they won’t be. They’re going to age, they’re going to have worked out more, they’re going to be more experienced etc. You’re never the same as you were before people.

Rating: B. This was actually good. Having Rock injured coming into it was required because it made it seem like he was in danger of losing. I also like how he won the battle but ultimately lost the war, as it makes Rikishi look like a bigger deal without weakening Rock. It’s not great, but it certainly carries itself well if that makes sense.

Raven is at WWF New York. Dang they screwed up that character.

Over an hour into the show and Austin is just getting here. That’s just great.

HHH is with the Radicalz and Foley, with a creepy looking short haircut, comes in and says the Radicalz can’t be in the match tonight. Also it’s no DQ, which makes it stupid because if it’s no DQ, what can Foley do if the Radicalz interfere?

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita

Ivory is in the Right To Censor at this point. She doesn’t like Lita because of the clothes. Due to that, Lita gets a title shot? What sense does that make? Lita of course looks great. I think they botch a spot as Lita ducks underneath about four moves off the ropes. I think they got that backwards somewhere. Ross says they’re live in Rwanda as well which is odd. Lita is busted open and I’d say it’s legit too.

There’s no reason she would have bladed this early or at all for that matter. Ivory is actually wearing a long skirt in this. Lawler implies that Ivory is bad in bed. Oddly enough she was brought in as a sex toy for Mark Henry. Lita hits some decent stuff but her eye is bothering her. She takes out Ivory and Stevie with a sweet plancha though. Ivory is pulled out of the way of the moonsault by Steven to get Ivory back on the offense.

This is a very fast moving match. I don’t mean in the sense of high flying, but it’s just going really quickly, which isn’t good. Ivory misses a shot with the belt and Lita takes her down and takes her top off, which I’m hardly complaining about. The moonsault doesn’t work again as Ivory as the belt ready, and she get the pin.

I’ve checked this more than once and I can’t actually see where Ivory covers her. Maybe I’m just missing it but I don’t see it at all. Ok the replay shows the arm over Lita so that works. For some reason Lita “never quitting” is impressive? OH DANG she’s bleeding badly. I didn’t realize it was that much.

Rating: D+. This is passing because of Lita’s looks. There’s just nothing at all of note here as it’s WAY too short and Lita looked bad in it. It might be because of the blood, but dang man. There’s just nothing appealing about this match at all other than looks, so yeah it’s pretty bad. Ivory would go on to feud with Chyna who would destroy her at Mania for the belt before killing its credibility by just leaving while still champion.

Coach says Rock is hurt.

Jericho beats up Kane despite having lost clean to him earlier.

We get a recap of the build to Taker vs. Angle. Angle has done more in a year than a lot of people do in a career, and Taker is Taker. That sums up just about everything. Taker says Angle will take his last ride.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Remember this is still good boy Kurt, not crazy psycho Kurt. Taker has been here for ten years, so he’s still a veteran, but not the long term veteran like he is now. That’s just amazing on a lot of levels. Angle asks for a moment of reflection on your favorite Kurt Angle moment from the past year. He would conduct a poll, but Florida would screw it up. He lists off his accomplishments and the way he does this is just hilarious. He had this character down from the day he debuted.

Naturally Taker cuts him off with a bad Kid Rock song. That man is the evil of wrestling, plain and simple. Taker’s pants are just a shade under white. That’s just making it difficult to take him seriously as a tough guy. Angle stalls the start of the match so Taker gets fed up with it and gets a chair which he throws to Angle. That’s kind of cool actually. Angle nails him with it and we finally get a bell. After Angle punches him a bit, Taker channels his inner Hulk Hogan by hitting a boot and legdrop.

Since he surely would have had the pin because that’s just the most awesome combination of moves in history, he pulls him up because he doesn’t want a minute long match. I think Taker is going for Old School. I base this on the theory that Taker shouts out OLD SCHOOL! I just can’t get over those pants. They’re like beige or something like that. This turns into a fistfight and I’ll give you three guesses as to who wins that. Both guys have scary strength.

Angle gets a belly to back suplex with ease and Taker catches Angle jumping at him from the apron without backing up a step. That’s just scary power. Angle starts working on the leg for the ankle lock. That makes sense. Taker works on the back which makes sense I guess, but the Last Ride isn’t exactly a move that needs a lot of buildup when you think about it.

I love the basic story here of Angle tries to use all these suplexes and psychology of the legs etc. and Taker just punches the tar out of him. Just as I say this, Taker hits an armbar. Edge and Christian run out and distract the referee while Angle is tapping.

Chokeslam doesn’t hit, because since Taker is a face that has a submission, he lets it go instead of just cranking on it until the referee is paying attention. I’ll never get the thought processes of wrestlers. Taker beats up Edge and Christian so at least some things never change. That’s good to know.

Angle takes a chokeslam which prompts Ross to shout about how it’s over, so naturally it’s not. The Olympian gets a bad figure four, but for the first time ever more than likely it’s on the proper leg. Flair is the master of the move, but he tends to put it on the wrong leg. Angle doesn’t have it on right but I guess that’s the tradeoff that’s made. Taker reverses it and Lawler assures us that Angle is NOT crying from the pain.

Taker is barely selling the leg, which bothers me. Is he Shawn Michaels or something? Since it’s Survivor Series, Angle puts the figure four on the pole. We have to have Bret Hart references left and right so why not? Taker STILL doesn’t sell the knee. Despite having his leg worked on for about ten minutes, Taker has the strength to pick up Angle for the Tombstone and walk around with him as Angle tries to fight it off. Are you kidding me?

I would understand this to an extent if it was Deadman Taker, but this is ridiculous. We go to the floor again and Angle hides under the ring. Taker pulls him out, takes him into the ring and hits the Last Ride for the pin? What the heck was that? It was nothing actually, because we only have two. The referee sees Angle’s face and realizes it’s a different person (Kurt’s brother Eric, also a pro wrestler but not a very good one at all.

They did the EXACT same storyline in 2003 with Lesnar instead of Taker.). The real Kurt comes in and rolls up Taker for the pin. Well that was different and at least it wasn’t a Montreal reference. We see Kurt running to a car that’s waiting for him unlocked and with the keys in the ignition in the parking lot where he speeds off.

Dang you would think that the defending world champion would have a better car waiting for him. That thing has to be at least four or five years old and it’s not even a pretty color.

Rating: B-. Well, I hate the ending, and I really hate Taker’s refusal to sell the knee, but this was good other than that. It worked fine for what it was, but Angle just wasn’t ready to hang with Taker yet. If you want the real main event level match from these two, check out No Way Out 2006. Now THAT is how it’s done. As for this, it’s good but not a classic. I liked it for the psychology, but some may not.

The XFL is coming. Let the jokes begin.

Edge/Christian/Right To Censor vs. Dudleys/Hardys

The RTC here is Buchanan and Goodfather and somehow they’re the tag champions here. That would last almost another month, which blows my mind. Ross points out how just about everyone has switched sides since last year which is amusing to me as it’s quite true that everyone can change from face to heel in such a relatively short amount of time. We start with Bubba and Buchanan if that tells you where this match is going.

D-Von makes things better with a jumping reverse elbow, which is one of the coolest moves of all time. This is broing for about a minute and a half or so until we get the big brawl that we knew was coming. Jeff is of course rocking a way too big purple sweatshirt and we get a quadruple DDT, which is somehow dumber than it sounds. Why is it dumb you ask? Are you telling me that in that whole time they were setting for it, no one that was getting dropped could throw a punch to the ribs to break it up?

That’s why it’s stupid. The Hardy’s shirts come off to reveal…more shirts. Well that was pointless. Oh ok they match the shirts the Dudleyz are wearing. That makes a bit of sense then. Immediately after that, Matt rips his off. Thanks for wasting our time. Jeff does the same, so our time is doubly wasted. T

hankfully just after that, Edge takes out Matt with the Edge-O-Matic, which is just an awesome name for a move, period. About a minute later after nothing of all of interest or importance, Christian hits the Unprettier on D-Von to make it 4-2.

This just isn’t that interesting. WWE needs to learn that just because a tag team is good together they’re not that interesting apart most of the time. Take the Dudleys for example. Does anyone care about either of them on their own? That might be a bad example as most people don’t care about them as a team anymore, but to be fair again they haven’t really been the Dudleys or anything close to them in about ten years now so whatever.

Bubba comes in and cleans house. Edge accidentally spears Buchanan and Bubba eliminates him. About thirty seconds later Bubba hits the full nelson bomb on Edge. Christian goes for a splash from the top rope for the save but misses and Edge is gone just after that. That leaves Christian and the Goodfather vs. Jeff and Bubba. Goodfather takes Bubba out with a really bad Death Valley Driver, which gets the very original name Goodfather Driver.

Christian hits the post and then in a very weird looking move, Jeff picks up Christian for a slam and literally just drops him. It looked odd to say the least. A very high and fast Swanton ends Christian and we’re at one on one. Hmm, a young and popular guy against a generic midcarder that found one gimmick that worked out of about 5 he was given. I’ll set the over/under at a minute. Who wants some?

After a misses splash with theatrics that certainly isn’t the Ho Train, Val Venis misses a clothesline that hits Goodfather for the pin. Well that was such a phenomenal ending that I don’t think there’s anything left for me to say about this match. The Right to Censor all beat on Jeff until Matt and the Dudleys come in for the save. You can figure out what happens by yourselves here.

Rating: C-. This started well, but it felt like it was clipped at the end. I mean there’s zero story or anything like that to get rid of the last about 5 guys in this. It’s just finishing move, thirty seconds of whatever, finishing move, repeat. I know they didn’t have a lot of time, but they could have done more than this.

Also, how in the world are the Dudleys in a match and they don’t get to do the freaking 3D? They’re known for three things: the 3D, tables, and the 3D through tables, and they don’t get to do it? Come on now. This could have been cut from the show or turned into a quick tag title match instead and it would have been much better.

HHH talks to the Radicalz about nothing at all.

We recap Austin vs. HHH, which really was a huge feud. Once Austin got back, the manhunt was on for the guy that Rikishi was working with. How they knew he had an accomplice was never flat out explained, but whatever. I guess it might be that Rikishi was just too freaking stupid to be able to pull this off himself but that’s neither here nor there. There were more attempts on Austin, such as dropping an anvil case being dropped near him and a guy hitting him in the head with a wrench.

HHH had apparently been a bit of a face around this time, but turned on Austin on Raw, revealing himself. JR was stunned by this for some reason. He wants to know why HHH would do this. In the words of Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “When are you going to get this through your pretty little head? I’M EVIL!”

Why can’t Ross get that? HHH did it because he’s a FREAKING HEEL. It’s his nature to do stuff like this. Anyway, HHH’s reasoning makes a lot of sense as he says that in Austin’s absence he took over the company and became the top guy, which is true.

HHH vs. Steve Austin

HHH gets booed out of the building and Austin gets the roof blown off the freaking place. The buildup for this was perfect, as the fans hated HHH for taking their hero from them for nearly a full year. That’s the best way to get heat, and HHH was somewhere in the range of the devil himself. He’s using the Disturbed theme music here which is good also. Two middle fingers go up and we’re on. As happened with a match yesterday, there’s just nothing to say here.

The problem with this match is simple: HHH has tried to murder Austin twice now, and they’re going to have a wrestling match over it. See how there’s just something missing there? This is just a big brawl. Now who saw that one coming? If you did, give yourself five points. Anyway, this is just ok at best. It’s just a fight all over the arena with HHH working on Austin’s neck and Austin working on HHH”s back and both guys punching and kicking each other a lot.

This is a match that would have benefited greatly from a gimmick not known as No DQ. This needed to be the Cell or Last Man Standing or something where you could have had a lot of violence that made sense. This is just mindless fighting with no direction at all.

Now before someone says to me “but KB it’s a fight. It’s supposed to not have direction”, I’d advise you to shut your idiotic mouth because you don’t know what you’re talking about. Take a look at something like Summerslam 2002 with Shawn and HHH and then take a look at a run of the mill hardcore match from say 2000. You can clearly see the difference. Now, yes the talent of the wrestlers makes a big difference, but that’s the point isn’t it?

Most of the time, the match should be about the wrestlers in the match, not the weapons or gimmick that’s going on. The wrestlers carry the match and not their surroundings and these two certainly are capable of doing just that. However, we just get a No DQ match, which means it’s more or less a failure. The heat is there, but it’s too long and too generic. This should have been about 10-12 minutes long and have been Austin being as violent as possible.

That’s where a Last Man Standing rule would have worked really well, because a pin here just seems completely stupid. Instead of that, what about a match where it’s just Austin beating the living tar out of HHH to try to keep him down, resulting in something absurd to keep him down. He comes close to that by using the chair around the neck of HHH but it doesn’t happen so that’s whatever.

After nearly 20 minutes of the exact same stuff time after time, they go to the back where the Radicalz are waiting. Austin fights them off as HHH tries to run him down again. Because HHH apparently can’t get out of the car in the minute and a half he has, Austin gets him up in a fork lift. After the time off screan for HHH to get out and get a mic on him, he is dropped about 15 feet to the ground with the last thing we hear being him shouting HOLY CRAP!

Do I even need to break down why this is stupid? Number one, he would die. Number two, he could have gotten out of the car about a dozen times. Number three, how in the world are we supposed to hear him when he’s in a car, outside, and on a forklift? Finally, HE WOULD BE DEAD. Naturally he was on Raw the next night. This ends the show as I can’t believe how bad that was.

Rating: D-. This was just bad on nearly every level. Like I said, there’s just no way to make a match work with the storyline that they built up to this with. I get what they were shooting for here, but it was just a complete and total failure. They just didn’t have enough for them to work with here and they had too much time on their hands out there. The Cell really would have worked perfectly here, but I can understand they didn’t want to use it twice in nine months.

The ending was just flat out stupid, plain and simple. Again, I get what they were going for here, but it just didn’t work at all for them. This was more or less the end of the feud for awhile as the main event of Armageddon 2000 was a 6 way HIAC match, which also explains why it’s not being used here.

Austin and HHH would both go for the title soon after this, resulting in an AWESOME 2/3 falls match at No Way Out where HHH won twice in a row. That would be more or less the last time they went at it as far as I can remember, which is good because this was awful and that was great. Anyway, this was just a horrible way to end the show and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall Rating: D+. OH MAN did this show suck. It took me forever to get through it because I just didn’t want to see what was next. There’s some at best ok stuff here, but overall I just didn’t care. It’s practically a transitional show, with Rock/Rikishi, Angle/Taker and Austin/HHH not having legit endings to the feuds. And wouldn’t you know it, the main event for Armageddon was just all six of them in the Cell for the title (Angle retains).

That’s just lazy booking to me, as even then the feuds didn’t have actual endings. The whole show just doesn’t feel like there’s any thought to it, and I can’t help but wonder if the XFL had something to do with that. Vince needs to stick to wrestling and not other random things, because it hurts his primary product. This could have been decent, but it’s a complete failure to me and I’d recommend staying away from it.




Survivor Series 2002: The Longest Rant About Anything I’ve Ever Done

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Well, it’s a completely new company now, with the primary difference being the brand split. Also, HBK is back, having one final match at Summerslam and now another one final match here tonight. Tonight has no Survivor Series matches but we do have the debut of the Elimination Chamber. The other major difference is the reigning WWE (yes E instead of F) Champion Brock Lesnar, who has absolute taken the company and the wrestling world by storm as he won the title at Summerslam.

Rock is now gone off to Hollywood to make I think Rundown. HHH is heel now and is the reigning World Heavyweight Champion. The rest of the card really doesn’t look like much at all. We have a lot of the new guys that would come to define this era now, such as the Guerreros and Mysterio. This is of course most famous for the end of the Elimination Chamber, but maybe the rest is good too. Let’s find out.

First of all, the theme song for this show is Always by Saliva, which is my all time, undisputed favorite song, so I’m already loving this show. As tends to happen with the Brand Split shows, there’s no intro video and we head right into the first match.

Bubba/Spike/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match. Bubba and Spike come out to another Saliva song, as they might as well just have been the official band of the company at this time. That’s fine with me as I like them. They sucked in concert though, but the tickets were 15 dollars for three bands and they were certainly worth five bucks. Anyway, Bubba and Spike are the Dudleys now as D-Von is a preacher on Smackdown with a deacon named Batista.

Three Minute Warning is more commonly known as Rosie and Jamal, who is more known as Umaga. Rico is the, shall we say, flamboyant guy that just showed up earlier in the year. These guys are fighting for no apparent reason other than they’re a team feuding with another team. Jeff is there…well I doubt he knows why either. Three Minute Warning beat up Jeff and Spike on Raw apparently.

Bubba is wearing a black vest/shirt and camouflage shorts so he looks stupider than usual. As the match starts we get to the high spots as Bubba launches Spike at the big guys but they catch him. Bubba assumes the position and they set up Poetry in Motion for Jeff who is as far in the air as I can ever remember him getting. That looked SWEET. The what’s up hits on I think Jamal as they have to tag in this? I’ll never get the point in having tagging in gimmick matches like these. It just makes no sense.

The point of the match is to put people through tables yet you can get disqualified? Yeah that makes zero sense. Bubba gets a table set up in the corner which gets Spike head rammed into it. Rosey dives at Spike but misses so he goes through it himself, which doesn’t count because he wasn’t put through it by an opponent. We’re already in a spot fest here which is what this should be. I can’t imagine any of them being able to work a long term match so this is the best thing they could have done.

Spike is taken out by a double powerbomb which makes sense as he tends to just suck most of the time anyway. If he wasn’t such a strange character, Rico could have been something special. From what I’ve read he’s a great cop though so that’s a good thing. He had a real job to fall back on which is something I completely respect.

After a brief exchange of power between the faces and the heels, we move out into the crowd. Rico shouting at Jamal to get Bubba makes me chuckle. I love how again they’ve just said screw the tag rules and are going insane after about a minute into the match. All five guys are back together again as JR is all of a sudden stunned that a Hardy and a Dudley are working together.

Jeff climbs way in the air and hits a swanton through Rosey through a table off part of the set. Again, the high spots are making this one work. Everyone but Hardy is back in the ring now. Rico goes for a moonsault but seems hesitant to actually jump. He turns to look at the other side of the ring and clearly can be heard and lip read saying Jeff come on dang it! Oh that’s just great Rico. Naturally Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico goes down about a second later.

That was just completely horrible and inexcusable on Rico’s part. I know Jeff is the one that missed the spot, but there had to be another option. Rico as a heel could act like he has another idea, or he could pretend to slip, or he could pretend to be scared. There’s a ton of other options besides exposing things like he did. The faces start their comeback with Jeff leading the charge. I wouldn’t have believed that he would one day be a three time world champion.

Considering what I’m watching, that’s just weird to type. Jamal puts Jeff through a table but for some reason they say it was Jeff messing up that caused it. Jeff messing up? NO WAY. It’s completely stupid because a second later, Jamal goes to the top and splashes Jeff through the table. Well that was a waste of time but it was a cool looking spot. Again, I couldn’t have imagined that these two would have a rather lengthy feud over the IC Title in the future.

That’s why you pay attention to the midcard and openers: you never know when they might be having decent matches in the future. The splash was sick at least. So we have Bubba against a future IC Champion and the guy that was John Cena’s old tag partner in OVW (talk about two careers that went in opposite directions). Bubba counters a hurricanrana attempt by Jamal into a powerbomb through the table so we have Bubba and Rico. Yeah this isn’t interesting anymore.

Three Minute Warning come back and beat the heck out of Bubba, but D-Von runs out in Dudley gear to reform the team. He beats up both big guys on his own to set up the 3D on Rico to a MASSIVE pop. This was when the Dudleys actually meant something. Bubba, after getting help on a 3D which took awhile to set up, is surprised that D-Von is there. That makes no sense but ok.

Rating: B. From a technical standpoint, this match was crap. However, considering what it was supposed to be, this was great stuff. It was mainly high spots and violence, but that’s exactly what it was supposed to be. The crowd was WAY into the reuniting at the end, so they’re fired up, meaning this match has more than done its job.

You have to consider what kind of a match you’re watching. Not everything is going to be like Savage vs. Steamboat, but a lot aren’t supposed to be. I think that’s a mistake a lot of people make when grading matches and it’s not a fair comparison to make. Considering what this was, it was great.

Stacy is at the World, which is the new name for WWF New York since they couldn’t just call it WWE New York I guess. She looks as amazing as ever, showing off her perfect stomach in a nice blue number. She’s Test’s PR person at this point, meaning she says testicles a lot. She introduces Saliva who sings Always, making this segment awesome. They’re at the club, so that’s a very nice touch.

This is spliced together with short highlight packages of the feuds for this show. Also, the singer, Josey Scott, DESPERATELY needs to grow his hair out again. He has it really short now and it looks horrible. This looks like a decent performance. Why in the world weren’t they this good when I saw them? This song set to the HHH vs. Shawn feud is great for some reason. They’re doing a concert at the club and as they go into Click Click Boom we go back to the arena.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

This was around the time where the belt meant absolutely nothing at all. More or less there would be a challenger of the month and someone would get a big non title winning streak against the champion, which would Noble in this case. Kidman beat him in a non title match of course, because that’s just how things are done. No one cared about the title at all and the way it wasn’t built up at all was living proof of that.

Naturally, this is going to be the match of the night because these guys are going to go nowhere and having no storyline whatsoever other you pin me, I pin you, we get a PPV paycheck because of it. Oh yeah Noble is with his girlfriend Nidia at this point, who was a co-winner of Tough Enough. Both have just terrible music that’s so painfully generic. Tazz says Noble has something up his sleeve, despite him not wearing a shirt, meaning he has no sleeve. That’s not my insight or joke.

Those are the exact words he said. Amazing. The crowd is deader than Noble’s career at this point. Kidman goes for the shooting star (Both Bourne’s and Lesnar’s are better. I don’t mean the botched Mania one, but the one in OVW. Go look it up. It’s RIDICULOUS. He just jumps into the air and hits it halfway across the ring. It’s one of the truly mindblowing moments in wrestling history), but Nidia pulls him out.

Shockingly, once the match picks up, the crowd is alive. All of a sudden this is good. Kidman hits a forward DDT off the top rope but somehow only gets a two. Since Noble is the champion he has to respond. So he sets Kidman on the top rope for a spike DDT. Think of the thing Orton does when he puts someone’s feet on the middle rope and DDTs them, but a rope higher and a shorter guy so it’s at an even sharper angle. DANG my mouth just fell open.

That looked awesome and it got a great reaction. Naturally it should cripple him so it gets a two and within fifteen seconds Kidman is back in control. And you wonder why these guys get criticized. After a brief comeback, Kidman hits the shooting star for the title. Well that was abrupt to say the least. I really hate Kidman’s bad rap music.

Rating: C+. Well the beginning flat out sucked. After about two minutes though, they just went at it and it got good. The lack of pins when they should have happened hurt things a bit though, or at least Kidman being in control after a sick DDT fifteen seconds later is just stupid, but other than that, this was fine. It’s not great, but it did what it was supposed to do.

Benoit and Angle argue over who the captain is. Benoit is breaking the rule of wearing your own brand’s shirt means jobber. Angle has reached baldness at this point. After they stop arguing, Benoit sticks out his hand, but Angle hugs him. The look on Benoit’s face is breathtakingly funny.

Jericho, rocking a three inch minimum beard, is getting ready. We’ve seen RVD do this earlier in the night.

Crazy Victoria gets in an argument with her mirror that she shatters. Victoria as a psycho is one of the sexiest gimmicks of all time, hands down. King and Ross debate this as Always plays so this is great again. We recap Trish vs. Victoria which is something about Victoria being held back by Trish, with part of the package being set to a rip off of the Psycho theme. How awesome is that?

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

This is hardcore rules. Sadly Victoria just has generic rock music here instead of All The Things She Said, which fit her so well. They really were nailing music around this time. How did they mess that up later on? Trish’s music just plain works. This might as well just be billed as hotness in a ring as Trish is of course gorgeous and I’ve always had a thing for Victoria. I think it’s the jet black straight hair, but that’s just me I guess.

They fight with a broom and for some reason I feel like I’m watching some kind of screwed up ballet or interpretive dance thing. It’s just odd indeed. Lawler implies that Victoria is ugly. What the heck? I mean, yeah Trish is likely prettier but that’s like saying Ted Turner isn’t rich compared to Warren Buffet. Turner is hardly a poor man. Granted he probably got close with how much WCW lost but whatever.

There are people walking in front of the entrance which is again across from the cameras and it’s rather distracting. Let’s fight over an ironing board because there’s nothing weird about having one of those in a match at all. The “ugly” diva is bleeding from her nose. How in the world is she supposed to be ugly? She’s GORGEOUS. Heck I’d even say she’s a knockout. That was dangerously close to being clever. Trish gets a kick to Victoria’s chest.

Since no one noticed that the kick missed apparently, Trish just does it again which looks stupid as it makes you think that something was wrong with the first one. For some reason the way JR is talking about the women using things on each other makes me think I’m watching something rather different. Actually that’s not a bad idea. Victoria wins out of absolutely nowhere with a snap suplex. That again just came out of freaking nowhere. More Victoria bashing as she leaves which is just stupid.

Rating: C-. This was…different. It was ok but it just wasn’t what these two likely should have been in. I get the hardcore aspect given Victoria’s character, but this never had the right feeling to it for me. It wasn’t bad, but it just didn’t feel right if that makes sense. They looked good, but just not in the right place. I have no idea what I meant by that so don’t bother asking.

Booker is getting ready as we hear more Always.

Bischoff is talking about something when Big Show comes in and says he’ll be sorry for trading him. Why? For winning a title on another show? How does that prove anything? Whatever.

Brock (who gets a pop) and Heyman are in the back also, with Heyman being nervous. Brock has a broken rib (more on that later) which explains the nervousness.

We recap the feud with Brock and Show, which doesn’t really exist. Brock had won a feud against Taker and Show beat up Taker, which somehow got him a title shot. The idea is simple: Show is too big for Brock to throw around like he has done to everyone else.

On Smackdown, Brock had called out Show and beat the living tar out of him with a chair. The chair actually looks tiny between these two, despite Brock not being incredibly tall (6’2). Heyman and Brock had been showing signs of tension, more or less giving away the ending to this match already.

WWE Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Show’s stupid outfit of choice around this time was the singlet top and long black pants. Not tights mind you, but pants. And people wonder why this guy is criticized like no other main eventer ever. Show has some arm injury or something. Crowd pops like a coconut for Brock. He’s more or less a face already at this point so we were just waiting for Heyman to screw him over.

With Brock it’s a classic case of someone that’s supposed to be a heel but is just such a freak that he gets wildly over anyway. The crowd is completely for Lesnar here with a big chant for him starting about eight seconds into the match. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s pro Brock or anti-Show. Big Show is probably at the worst stage of his career here as he just completely and utterly sucked.

No one, I repeat no one, wanted to see him here to do anything but make Brock look awesome, and that’s why he’s here. Think about it: what better way to make Lesnar look great other than to have him throw around the biggest guy in the company? Show starts off with his standard offensive strategy of “let’s do as little as possible but try to make it seem like I’m doing a lot because I’m so freaking fat.”

Naturally, it doesn’t work as Brock just spears the heck out of him. Shame he didn’t do that more often with the Vikings. Show just looks idiotic dressed the way he is. It looks like he’s getting dressed for his job as an accountant or something like that. When Vince wrestles dressed like that, it looks fine because he’s not a pro wrestler and more or less is just a street fighter in a wrestling ring. Show is a multi time world champion. See why that’s stupid?

Lesnar actually gets a decent belly to back. I say decent because it sucked but Big Show is more or less dead weight because he’s spent three minutes in. Lesnar makes up for it with a German. That was nice. My goodness Show is horrible. I mean seriously, all he’s doing are forearms, bad punches and weak kicks. Brock is legit hurt here and is doing 99% of the work, mainly because Show is spent.

Following a ref bump, Lesnar gets a fine (given the circumstances) overhead belly to belly on Show. This guy is legit scary. Despite his client kicking Show’s face all over the Garden, Heyman throws in a chair and you can see it coming a mile away. Show is back up and breathing in enough air to suffocate the first nine rows. Brock gets his chair shot punched and more or less says boy please by cracking Show over the head and F5ing him, in something that just blows my mind completely.

He’s legitimately hurt, and he pulls that off. I mean just DANG. Here’s your other referee, and here’s your Heyman heel (I guess) turn to go with it. Cole’s commentary is bad to put it mildly. The look on Brock’s face is scary. I mean really scary. He chases Heyman but gets nailed with the chair and chokeslammed on it, and Show wins the title as the fans are mad. I don’t mean mad because the heel won, but mad in the sense of who freaking booked this because we want them shot.

This was less than four and a half minutes, actually making it one of the shortest world title matches where the title changed hands in history. Heyman and Show embrace as Show looks stupider than usual somehow. Cole saying that it’s surprising because Lesnar and Heyman have been together since Brock got there. That’s about seven months if you’re counting. The heels run to their waiting limo and leave naturally as we get the second replay of this.

Rating: D-. This is a tale of two ratings here. Lesnar gets a pass in every sense of the word here. I mentioned the ribs being a point of interest. They were injured by Show at a house show because he wasn’t safe in the ring at this point. Lesnar was supposed to go over Show here but because of the injury, the Big Show of all people gets the belt. I’ve never seen a main event guy that flat out didn’t deserve it as much as he did here.

I mean he was just flat out embarrassing out there. It was nothing but punches and forearms, while Lesnar can barely breathe because his bones are in pieces and he’s out there throwing Show around, yet he’s the one that has to lose the freaking belt because Big Show, the fat load that he is, injured him and there’s no other way to go.

THANKFULLY, Show was champion for a month as he dropped it to Angle at the next PPV, leading to the absolute classic of Benoit vs. Angle that happened at the Rumble. I can’t wait to get to that one. Anyway, Show sucks, Lesnar is the freaking man, end of story.

We go into the recap of the three way feud between Edge/Mysterio, Angle/Benoit, and the Guerreros. More or less, Angle and Benoit won the inaugural tag titles in a tournament (Billy Kidman and John Cena were partners. How weird does that sound?) beating Edge and Mysterio in perhaps the best tag match of all time the previous month.

Edge and Mysterio took them from them in a 2/3 falls match on Smackdown. The Guerreros are there…well because there was nothing else for them to do I guess. The main thing here is Angle and Benoit are arguing over who the captain is, but when they get in the ring they’re so awesome that it doesn’t really matter.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Benoit/Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Rey is still more or less a rookie at this point. This is elimination rules also. Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, who are engaged, are at ringside. This was a disturbing angle, but it led to a lesbian angle with Torrie and Dawn Marie, so it’s awesome. Al might have been the first WWE TV character to actually die. That’s saying a lot. The intros take forever as Benoit, Angle, Edge and Mysterio all have their own entrances.

Edge is getting all kinds of pops, as is Mysterio. That’s saying a lot considering Benoit and Angle are far bigger stars. We start with Benoit and Mysterio. That’s fine by me. Cole calls the match where Edge and Rey won the titles historic. Why? It was a 2/3 falls match and while it was good, I’d hardly say it was historic, but it’s Michael Cole so just a bit over the top is good for him. Angle gets another great pop as the crowd is white hot for everything here.

Eddie and Chavo are both cowards of course. Imagine if Edge and Mysterio were midgets. Chavo would be running for his life. Rey comes in and gets things going much faster which is what you need him to do. Eddie is just a midcard guy here and wouldn’t get a real main event push for a little over a year. Anyone can tag anyone here, making this very interesting indeed. This is a really fast paced match which makes sense given who’s in there.

Kurt slams his shoulder into the post as hard as anyone I’ve ever seen. That was painful looking. This is another of those matches that is hard to make fun of because it’s good so far. Angle was back to being goofy at this point which hurt him a bit, but it worked in the ring still. He puts a front facelock on Rey, which after eight minutes at that pace, I think it’s ok for a short break.

As soon as they break that up, Kurt and Rey crank it right back up again and the crowd is right back into it. That’s a good sign that the crowd stays with you. Angle goes for the tag but Eddie and Chavo hit the floor as Edge comes in. Edge and Kurt had been feuding for awhile now with Edge, resulting in Angle’s lack of hair. Angle counters the spear into the ankle lock and Benoit adds the crossface for the double submission attempt.

Rey hits a springboard seated senton to take out Kurt and then a dropkick to take out Benoit. Chavo pulls Angle to the floor as Rey hits the ropes and launches a corkscrew over the ropes to take them both out. Benoit starts the rolling Germans but on the third one, Eddie comes off the top with a sunset flip to Benoit who doesn’t let go of Edge, resulting in Benoit being in the sunset flip and Edge being suplexed at the exact same time.

Beginning with the Edge spear and ending with the kick outs from Edge and Benoit, that took about thirty seconds and was possibly the most exciting thirty seconds in the history of the Survivor Series. I was in absolute awe of it and that hardly ever happens to me. That was absolutely epic. Within seconds, and by that I mean like two, they’re going again, this time with Benoit beating on Edge even more.

He goes for the headbutt but Eddie hits the Frog Splash, but Benoit hits the headbutt to break up the pin. Before anything else can happen, Angle runs in and puts the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit has the crossface on Edge. Chavo brings the belt in which is something that I hate. It was one of the fastest paced and flat out entertaining matches I can ever remember seeing until then, but I guess it fits the gimmick.

Benoit thinks Angle hit him because he took the belt from Chavo. Benoit and Angle get into it, allowing Rey to hit Benoit to set up for the spear, eliminating Benoit and Angle. They lay out the champions before leaving in an argument, which sets up their best match of their absolutely epic series at the Rumble. Wow once they left the life got sucked out of this thing. I’m thinking one fall might have been the way to go here.

Rey comes in with a springboard cross body so high you would think he was Jeff Hardy. Edge spears both guys in the corner at once to set up the worst move ever: the Bronco Buster. It doesn’t hit which makes me cheer. Rey hits the 619 but Chavo hits the belt shot to the back which makes Rey tap to the Lasso From El Paso, which is more or less a weak Boston Crab. I’m really not wild on the standard cheating to win the belts here at all.

This could have been great and the first half was, but sadly this was the end of the greatness that was the early days of the WWE Tag Titles. Within less than a year we would have teams like Haas and Rico and Rikishi and Scotty winning the titles. The belts became jokes of course because Vince can’t allow any great wrestling on any show period, because it might make them realize that half of the stuff he’s got is just flat out terrible.

Rating: B. This is another tale of two matches. The first half, which is with Benoit and Angle, was some of the most entertaining, breath taking fast paced greatness that I’ve ever seen in a tag match. The part after that could have been an example from a book called How to Have a Boring Title Change.

I mean there was nothing that would have kept that part from being on any run of the mill TV show or house show for that matter. That’s how typical it was. From what I’ve read, this match was blown out of the water by the No Mercy match which had no Guerreros in it, so that’s on my short list of must see matches.

Chris Nowitski, a Harvard graduate and Tough Enough guy that could have been a decent midcard heel if he hadn’t gotten injured. He has a degree from Harvard though so I think he’ll be fine. He got a bad concussion at a house show and was forced to retire. He now does a ton of great work studying the long term effects of concussions and does special appearances for WWE.

It looks good for a guy like this to be on Vince’s payroll, as it shows he’s actually caring or at least pretending to care about the long term health of his workers. Anyway, Chris cuts a decent anti-New York promo here. Considering he had been in the company about five months at this point, he wasn’t half bad. He never would have been anything great, but he could have made a pretty good manager or commentator, something along the lines of Matt Striker.

Actually, as I’m writing this it’s 3:30 AM on September 25. meaning to me it’s still Thursday night. It just so happens that Thursday the 24th was Chris’ gimmick that I’ve always loved. I have no idea what it was, but I loved it. What I could make of it was that he more or less started a cult/fan club, with his opening video being set up to look like a website, complete with really funny factoids on the side, traditionally two per entrance.

Tonight we learn that “Matt keeps the room temperature at a toasty 75 degrees” and “Matt only drinks lowfat chocolate milk.” This gimmick was one I always liked, which is saying a lot as there’s not a lot of them that I like. This one is unique to say the least though. He teases being a face by asking Chris who he thinks he is because apparently Chris didn’t insult New York strongly enough.

Matt’s promo is about as good as Chris’, which means that it’s a failure. Chris is a rookie and Matt is a veteran, meaning that it’s ok for Chris to be below average, but not for Matt. This was pretty weak, but as they leave we discover the point to this as Scott Steiner debuts. This was a bit of a surprise, but he had been on Confidential, which was one of the Saturday night shows that started off as great and wound up sucking, the night before saying he was a free agent.

This would lead to a bidding war between Raw and Smackdown, eventually won by Raw and leading to perhaps the worst match ever with him and HHH at the Rumble. He just happens to be in his gear for no apparent reason and beats the heck out of both heels without saying anything at all. Oh dear Scott Steiner has a live mic. Oh good it’s just his catchphrase. Anyone that doesn’t believe steroids happen in wrestling, just look at this freak.

Terri is with Shawn (who has the stupidest looking haircut of all time) as he’s talking about why he believes he can win the title when we have BREAKING NEWS from RNN. This was a short term gimmick that the newcomer known as Randy Orton was doing. Orton, with some fairly long and messy brown hair, talks about how he came to Survivor Series, but don’t worry, because the flight didn’t hurt his shoulder any worse. Keep sending those get well soon emails!

We get a clipped down version of the video earlier recapping the feud. The basic idea is HHH vs. Shawn vs. four other upper midcard guys that have a prayer, but it’s highly unlikely that it’s going to end with anything other than DX exploding. Remember, this is Shawn’s 3rd match in nearly five years, if you count the Mania match against Austin. That’s ridiculous to say the least. Part of this feud was the great moment where Shawn came out in a wheelchair and got up to take out HHH.

HHH gets interrupted by Coach who is just a freaking moron, at least on camera. HHH actually says that the other five guys are some of the best in the world. That’s saying a lot coming from him. He says he has a first class ticket to a very warm place and the only question is who is coming with him. That’s almost a great line.

Bischoff comes out and walks us through how the chamber works and how deadly it is. If nothing else it looks awesome. The match isn’t weak at this point like it’s become now. The day before I got to this part, the announcement was made that No Way Out will be turned into another theme PPV about this. I really hate that. Hearing the words Elimination Chamber used to be a big deal, but now it’s just a cliché. It’s far worse with Hell in a Cell though.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho vs. HBK vs. Booker T vs. RVD vs. Kane

This is in the Elimination Chamber. If you didn’t know that by now, then PAY ATTENTION YOU MORONS! Jericho is out first, which means that he and the other three after him will be in the pods. For those of you that have never seen one of these matches, the idea is fairly simple despite looking complex. You have a massive cage around the ring complete with a metal floor so in essence there’s the ring itself and then another area around it in a circle.

Behind each of the four ring posts there’s a smaller chamber with a person inside of it. We being with two men in the ring and four in the pods. After five minutes, another man is released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Jericho’s entrance is awesome as he’s using a Saliva song, and as he comes out we cut to the World where Saliva performs it live. That’s very cool when you think about it. Booker is next.

He’s here…uh…actually I have no idea why he’s in this. I guess because he’s a big name. He would feud with HHH heading into Mania, so I guess I’d call this a tryout in the main event scene for him. Jericho lost the title to HHH at Mania so there are his credentials in case you were wondering. Ah Booker pinned HHH in a tag match a few weeks ago. It’s better than no explanation I guess. Kane is third. I don’t think he really needs an explanation.

There’s actually four faces and two heels in this match, which is odd indeed. This was during the time where Vince came up with the BRILLIANT, YES BRILLIANT I SAY idea of unifying the midcard titles with the singles titles, so for about eight months there was no Intercontinental belt. Kane was the last champion before losing it to HHH a month or so prior to this, which I guess is why he’s in here. Shawn is fourth, to a solid pop.

He’s wearing brown tights. Yes I said brown. Two things about his entrance: JR says who else could this be? Well JR I don’t think Shawn sings anyone else’s music so I’d guess it’s him. Also, Fink introduces him as HBK: Shawn Michaels. I’ve never heard him called that. Ross is mentioning all of the wrestlers’ records at this show. Kane is 4-1 and Shawn is 5-5. Dang that’s a lot of Survivor Series appearences.

That leaves us with RVD vs. HHH to start, which sounds like a bad recipe for alphabet soup. Flair cheated RVD out of his title match at Unforgiven, so this is technically his rematch. Allegedly the chamber weighs ten tons. I could see it being 9.97 tons but not ten, there’s just no way. Flair is with HHH as that little thing called Evolution is on the horizon. In an interesting stat, HHH is 0-6 coming into this Survivor Series.

That’s quite surprising and a stat like the Streak that just kind of sneaks up on you. Yeah Evolution debuted February 3, 2003, which was my 15th birthday for those KB enthusiasts out there. There’s the bell and we’re on. Or is it off? For the absolute life of me, I don’t get why Vince refused to push RVD. Madison Square Garden is cheering for him so loudly that it’s hurting my ears. But since he’s from ECW, that’s the only reason he’s being cheered. It couldn’t be talent or anything like that.

Less than a minute in, they’re out on the area between the pods outside of the ring. This really is a cool looking structure. We have our first bloodshed inside of two minutes. With HHH on the cage floor, Van Dam does Rolling Thunder through the ring and then over the top. That was very sweet looking. Van Dam is beating the tar out of HHH here. He goes to climb one of the pods but Jericho literally pulls him partially into it, getting his leg inside. That was cool looking.

They beat on each other some more, which is the polite way to say that Van Dam is massacring him, as Jericho is the third man in. After some generic fast paced stuff, we get what’s likely he most famous spot of the match, as Van Dam jumps at Jericho but instead of hitting him, grabs onto the cage in mid air, sticking to it “like Spiderman” as everyone on the planet said, but Ross gets credit for.

It gets more cheers from the crowd, but that doesn’t mean anything at all because Van Dam just isn’t capable of carrying a crowd, because they don’t know what they want as much as Vince does. We get another famous line as Ross says these men are playing Russian roulette with their careers. Jericho shouts that he’s the king of the world. I didn’t like him in Titanic and was glad when he sank.

Lawler points out that HHH craves to be champion. Wouldn’t that mean that he’s content at the moment? Booker is in third and also gets a big pop, but he couldn’t be champion either because HHH gets better heat than he gets pops, so naturally HHH has to go over him too.

As was mentioned in my Summerslam 2002 review, this was a period of time in HHH’s career where all the criticism of him comes from as he simply wouldn’t lose to anyone, no matter how big of a star they were unless their name was Shawn Michaels. Booker comes in and kicks everyone half to death but before he can go back for the other half, we have a Spinnerooni.

He and Van Dam go at it for a bit as we hear again about how Van Dam is like trying to pour smoke through a keyhole or whatever that expression is. Why do commentators always misuse the word literally? It’s really not that hard to get it right at all. Can Booker do anything other than kick people? That’s all he’s done in this match so far. RVD goes for the Five Star but goes up to the top of the pod and comes off with the splash, or at least he tries to.

The problem is the ceiling curves up to a point so there’s nowhere for him to jump, so more or less he falls on HHH. Van Dam’s leg lands on HHH’s throat and we go to a wide shot so we won’t see the referee throwing up the X. It was legit, so Booker hits a top rope dropkick (shocking isn’t it?) for the pin on Van Dam as HHH tries to breathe. He would have to take some time off because of that injury actually, so it was kind of serious.

The fans boo Van Dam’s elimination out of the building, but he’s not over at all because Vince has decided he’s not, and Vince is never wrong, right? Jericho and Booker try to buy HHH some more time by chopping the heck out of each other.

Kane brings some needed fresh blood into this match. This was probably the hottest period of his career other than his debut, and if they were ever going to put the belt on him, it likely should have come around this time, maybe in the spring after Mania. Alas, it would never happen and ONCE AGAIN they just turned him into a monster with nothing even remotely resembling direction of any sort. I hate that.

The guy is a former world champion, he’s big, he’s strong and he’s over, but we can never put the belt on him. Guys like RVD and Booker are both incredibly popular here, but neither would get the belt for almost five years from this point, or six years after they debuted. Benoit wouldn’t get the title for over four years and the same was true for Eddie. However, someone like Brock or Taker can come in and within a year be world champion.

It continues the long running theory I have: if Vince didn’t create them, he’s not going to push them. That’s why it annoys me when we see guys like Santino and Hornswoggle on TV all the time. Vince created them, so he’s going to push them down our throats until they get over or we stop complaining about them.

Instead of putting someone from outside of the company or someone that came up with the gimmick on their own that’s actually interesting, we get stupid things like Cedric the Entertainer and Al freaking Sharpton. Oh yeah Vince, keep up that in touch booking that you just love to do. And people wonder why the company nearly died in 2003. Anyway, Kane uses his standard stuff to beat on Jericho and Booker for awhile as HHH is still down.

Jericho starts another bad tradition in gimmick matches by being the first person to be thrown through the “bulletproof” glass. I can’t stand when they overhype stuff like that and then just completely destroy the mystique of the thing. In reality, Jericho would be cut to pieces here and likely in need of a hospital. He’s bleeding to an extent, but it’s far from horrible.

HHH is back up as Jericho, who isn’t dead, gets rid of Booker with the Lionsault after about a minute of rest. Jericho tries to climb a pod and you can hear Kane say where are you going Chris as he grabs him and pulls him down. That’s just creepy. As has been the custom we have two guys fighting and the other two are down. That’s kind of cheap but I can see why they have to do it. Actually I can’t. Why not have more violence?

If Jericho can get up after being thrown through “bulletproof” glass, then the whole pain thing is no big deal. The interval between Kane and Shawn is longer than five minutes to give him less time in the ring I guess. He comes in to a long but not very loud at all pop. Kane takes him down with a clothesline though, so that takes care of that. Never mind as he’s back up. Michaels isn’t quick but he’s sudden. I’ve heard that about a dozen times and have no clue what it means.

Ross lives in his own little world most of the time and I really don’t want to be there. Kane chokeslams everyone but doesn’t cover any of them because that would make sense, and we can’t have any of that of course. He goes to tombstone HHH but is shoved into Sweet Chin Music. He sits up and gets a Pedigree and the Lionsault ends him to get us down to three guys. What follows is more or less just the two of them beating the tar out of Shawn and making him bleed badly.

They also work on Shawn’s back a lot, which at least makes sense. Hey, did you know Shawn has wrestled once in almost five years because he broke his back? I wasn’t sure if you knew that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back. I just wanted to make sure that it was known that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back.

Shawn makes a small comeback but gets dropped on the cage floor to end that one. Shawn nips up only to be knocked back down again, which is one of the fastest pops and ending of a pop I’ve ever heard. He kicks out of the Lionsault and you already know the ending, but you don’t want to believe that it’s possible HBK winning the title really would have been a mind blowing thing as he had just come back and it was really considered a short term thing.

Jericho hooks the Walls, but HHH breaks them up for no apparent reason and they start going at it. They beat on each other for awhile so Shawn can rest a bit. I’m fine with that as he has very limited cardio at this point more than likely. Jericho hooks the Walls on HHH but gets his head kicked off and it’s one on one for the title, and all of a sudden it’s possible. HHH uses the spinebuster, which I don’t think had a name when Anderson used it.

I think I remember it being called the Anderson Drop at one point, which I kind of like. Did he really invent that move? If he did, that’s quite cool. Naturally HHH beats on Shawn even more with a focus on his back. Despite being introduced earlier as HBK, Ross says he’s no longer the Heart Break Kid. Is there a reason for that? To further complete the likelihood that Shawn will win the title, he gets launched through the bulletproof, yes I said bulletproof glass.

Despite being nearly murdered, he keeps fighting. There comes a point where things just get stupid. Also, credit should go to HHH for staying in this, but I don’t get why he stayed in there if he was hurt, given the ending, but whatever. Shawn catapults HHH into the cage to get another break as the fans are in this to an extent but I think they’re just spent at this point as we’re at about thirty seven minutes at this point. For the thousandth time, Shawn has heart. Note to JR: WE GET IT!

In a flat out DUMB looking spot, Shawn goes to the top rope and literally just stands there for a few seconds, not even looking at HHH. HHH clearly gets up, but Shawn goes to the top of the pod behind him and HHH LAYS BACK DOWN to get the elbow. Ok, I get that it’s staged and everything, but give me a break. At least get kicked or something before you go down. That’s just freaking idiotic.

If nothing else it got the fans into it again for a bit, but at this point I think they know what’s coming here. Those brown tights are just moronic looking. Was there some massive joke about wardrobe tonight or something that was preplanned? Between Show and HBK I feel like I’m watching a bad Christmas play put on by an elementary school.

To further stupefy this match, Shawn kicks out of the freaking Pedigree. Ok, that’s it. This is freaking absurd. Ok, I get that Shawn is a big star. I get that Shawn is one of the biggest stars of all time. I get that his comeback here is something that is very impressive.

But to do this now with HHH giving him not one but TWO massive rubs that A, Shawn doesn’t need and B, someone, ANYONE of the other four guys in this match could have made a career out of is without a doubt the most self centered, egotistical thing that I can ever remember seeing. I know he’s a bit better about it now, but this is just more HHH nonsense. If you want to give Shawn the title for the nostalgic run, fine, but blast it give someone else a freaking rub!

Don’t make it look like Shawn, who at this point is a has been off the street (He hadn’t wrestled or trained hardcore in YEARS at this point so he’s starting completely from scratch) is able to not only beat HHH once, but get through Kane, RVD, Booker and Chris freaking Jericho to do it? Are you telling me that you consider them that low on the totem pole Vince?

Yes, Shawn is a bigger star than every single one of them, but to say that he could beat them all in his second match in four and a half years based on sheer will and heart alone is as big of a slap in the face as you can give to those four men that are working so hard and getting FAR bigger pops than Shawn has gotten all night long.

Shawn comes in LAST and lays around getting beaten on for most of the match and really just doing jack in this match other than with HHH, so let’s reward him with the belt and another title reign that means nothing while everyone else that goes out there and works to have a good match and get the audience into the show, a.k.a. CARRYING THE MATCH, is just built up to be eventually fed to, you guessed it, HHH.

Of those four guys, let’s see what they would go on to do after this. Booker: feud with HHH, get massive pops, have the best run of his life, and then job to HHH at Mania in a throwaway match. Kane: fed to Batista, ANOTHER musclehead that couldn’t do a thing back then. Jericho; fed to Shawn in a good feud. RVD: nothing.

With no IC title to hunt for because HHH has to be CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, RVD just kind of floated around for awhile until getting a tag team with Kane that won the pointless tag belts. Shawn and HHH, who were doing WONDERS for the ratings, (as in taking them to levels of low not seen this millennium) would keep feuding over the belt before HHH fought ANOTHER muscle guy in Scott Steiner for two months in what are considered to be two of the worst matches of all time.

All the while, Benoit and Angle and Lesnar would be having some of the best matches in years on Smackdown and getting NO recognition for it, because they weren’t named Shawn and HHH. I can certainly see where the hate for HHH came from back in the day, as this was nothing but an ego play on his and Shawn’s part. They just HAD to be the center of attention again because they think it’s 1997 again, and Shawn still can’t draw.

Instead of letting guys like Van Dam or Booker or Benoit or Angle, the guys that are getting pops and having great matches, carry the company, we get more “nostalgia” moments that no one wants to see because HHH and Shawn want to clutch to their old spots, and even today, eight days before the Hell in a Cell PPV, they’re still doing it. I really hate them both at this moment, but that’ll pass in awhile. As for the match, Shawn gets up and counters another Pedigree for the kick and the belt to end it.

Rating: B. Despite my longest rant ever here, this was a good match. I HATE the way they decided to end it, but the match and the drama were there. The intervals between eliminations were all relatively long with the shortest being like seven minutes or so, which I like.

It makes it seem like these people are hard to eliminate, which is the point of the match. The wrestling is there, but this is a long match. Next year’s would be too short though, so around thirty minutes is where this needs to go. This was good though, despite my own bias about it.

Overall Rating: B-. As I read on another review of this show, the wrestling is good, the booking is bad. I don’t like using the same conclusions I found somewhere else, but that’s exactly right. The wrestling here really is solid, but the Guerreros, Big Show and Shawn winning just don’t work for me, plain and simple. Luckily for the two singles titles, they only lasted for a month as both changed hands again at Armageddon.

This is a different kind of show, similar to maybe the Rumble with everything leading up to one major match, which is ok I guess. I could easily see some people being bored out of their minds here while others love every second of it. Go find a copy of the tag title match but I’d only watch the first fall as it’s some of the most entertaining stuff you’ll ever find. If you’re a fan of HHH and HBK, you’ll love the main event and vice versa. Overall, it’s good but not great, so I’ll recommend it with an asterisk.