Tables Ladders and Chairs 2015
Date: December 13, 2015
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’ll close out the pay per view calendar with some good violence on one of the shows full of the shows full of gimmick matches. The main event in the namesake match is Sheamus defending his World Title against Roman Reigns in what should be a brutal fight between two power guys. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Sasha Banks. vs. Becky Lynch

This would be another unannounced match because the Divas Revolution isn’t important enough to mention in advance. Sasha gets the huge hometown pop and we get a little 12 Days of Christmas from Team BAD, which they thankfully cover with the final verse. None of the lines are funny enough to mention but you have to expect that with something WWE thinks is amusing. This would be your nightly attempt to make Team BAD into the second New Day. You know, because when you look at Tamina, she just screams charisma.

They start fast with some nice rollup attempts until Lynch headscissors her down. Sasha doesn’t get high enough on a leapfrog and crashes down on her face but it’s not enough to get the Disarm-Her. The announcers talk about Paul Heyman praising Becky as she takes Sasha down with an armbar. Banks finally drives her into the corner and avoids a charge, setting up the double knees (I don’t remember the last time she got to use that) to the back.

We take a break and come back with Sasha nailing the Backstabber into the Bank Statement but Becky gets to her feel and eventually rolls out before the hold can go on full. They trade more rollups for two each until a Regal Cutter takes Lynch down for two more. A pumphandle suplex gets the same on Sasha and there’s the Disarm-Her. Cue Tamina for a distraction so Naomi can kick Becky in the chest, setting up the Bank Statement for the submisison at 11:41.

Rating: B-. This felt like an NXT match on the big stage which is how things are supposed to go. They were finally allowed to try some of their submission stuff instead of having the same Divas matches they always have, even with the Naomi and Tamina interference. I can’t wait for the day when Sasha is finally allowed to go on her own because this UNITY nonsense is really holding her down. Other than “we don’t have anything else for them to do”, why is she still stuck with Tamina and Naomi? Good match here though and hopefully a sign of things to come tonight.

The opening video is Reigns standing there while clips of his path through the tournament and Sheamus’ cash in play behind him. The video game themed promo? Nowhere to be seen. The simple yet effective Christmas present themed video that ended the pre-show? Not on here either because why be creative when you can be generic?

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Lucha Dragons vs. New Day

Ladder match with New Day defending. I’m not sure why they’re going with their hottest match to open the show but at least the first fifteen minutes should rock. Before the match, Kofi asks Woods why there’s no special hair tonight but Xavier wasn’t about to waste a good hair day on Boston. With tonight’s win, they will secure their spot as the faces of the division because who else can do it? The Lucha Dragons are too small and the Usos sound like a disease. Woods sits in on commentary and we’re finally ready to go.

Kofi and Jimmy start fast with one ladder being slid inside and another being…..dropped back down to the floor. Back in and it’s a double springboard with Kofi and Kalisto landing on the ladder. A double save is made so the Dragons moonsault from the middle rope to take the champs down. The Usos are all alone so they load up a ladder but knock the Dragons off the apron instead of going up.

They throw the ladder onto the guys on the floor and dive on top of them as JBL loses his mind at how stupid that was. Kofi gets thrown to the floor but Big E. runs the ladder over as the champs take over again. We get the Unicorn Stampede to Jimmy with a ladder in between, meaning it’s time for some tromboning. Jey’s save is countered with a belly to belly onto the ladder. The Dragons are back up but Big E. stops their ladder (upside down here) and drives them back into the corner. Kalisto gets smart and dives over the ladder to take Big E. down.

Cara rides the ladder down onto Kofi and takes out the Usos with a running Swanton over the top onto a ladder. The Dragons climb the ladder with Big E. underneath but he bench presses the ladder in an awesome display of strength. Kalisto dives onto the Usos again but they throw him down before dropkicking the ladder into Big E. in the corner. We get the mini ladder as Kofi breaks up a Superfly splash from Jimmy. Woods: “That’s what being a veteran ladder match haver can do for you!” Back up and Kofi gets caught in the Tree of Woe for a running Umaga Attack from Jimmy, leaving the twins all alone.

We get a big staredown between all the challengers with the Dragons taking over, including a monkey flip into the 450 to send Kalisto onto the ladder onto Jey. Woods: “WHY???” Kofi comes back in (with Woods saying it’s due to the rest building up his stamina like in WWE2K16) and wedges a ladder into the runs of a standing ladder.

That earns him a hurricanrana to send Kofi face first into the side of the ladder. Woods: “Our paintbrushes are fists and feet and you’re about to see Kofi do some fantastic art!” Back in and all four challengers climb up with Jey and Kalisto slugging it out on top. In the totally insane spot of the match, Kalisto gives Jey a Salida Del Sol over the top of the ladder and through the bridged ladder, sending Woods (and the crowd) into shock.

Somehow Kalisto isn’t dead and climbs up for a slugout with Jimmy but Big E. makes the save and stops Jimmy’s charge with a forearm (Woods: “LOOK AT THAT TRICEP MEAT!”) but a baseball slide into the ladder puts Big E. down again. Kalisto is all alone but Woods declares the match No DQ (in case there was any confusion beforehand) and hits Kalisto in the back with the trombone, allowing Kofi to retain the titles at 17:46.

Rating: A. Well that’s your match of the night by about a mile. That Salida Del Sol was absolutely nuts and one of the best spots they’ve done in years. I’m glad New Day retained because they’ve earned the right to keep the titles a bit longer, and maybe even a program with Enzo and Big Cass. Imagine the promos on that one.

We recap Rusev vs. Ryback, which is built around Rusev being all romantic with Lana and Ryback wanting to fight.

Ryback vs. Rusev

Rusev forearms him down to start and they quickly head outside with Ryback getting the better of it before taking Rusev back inside for a top rope ax handle. Some right hands in the corner set up a powerbomb from Rusev and it’s time to slowly stomp on the back. We hit the chinlock as Cole talks about Lana saving herself for marriage to Rusev. They fight over a suplex until Ryback takes over after about the tenth try, followed by a middle rope dropkick for two.

The Shell Shock is broken up so Ryback gets two off a high cross body instead. Points to him for trying some new stuff at least. Lana offers a distraction to break up the Meat Hook though and Rusev superkicks him down. Back in and the Accolade is broken up, only to have Rusev kick him in the head to get the hold on for the knockout at 7:56.

Rating: C-. I’m so tired of seeing either of these guys built up only to lose to another upper midcarder because they have no idea how to build up anyone else. The match was a decent enough power brawl but I have no idea how many more times they can go with the Lana injury idea before it gets even less interesting than it is now.

Reigns and Ambrose are ready for tonight and can’t wait to see Sheamus and Owens beaten down so they can walk out as double champions.

Quick recap of Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger which is mainly over Zeb Colter, who split with Del Rio on Monday.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio is defending and this is a chairs match. Both guys grab chairs to start and we get the early duel. That goes nowhere so they head outside to fight among the dozen or two chairs set up. Del Rio is sent into one face first time after time until he its Jack in the throat to take over.

A Backstabber gets two for the champ but Jack throws a chair at him. The Vader Bomb is blocked and the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Del Rio. They head outside again with Alberto burying him under a pile of chairs and then throwing even more on top. Back in and the armbreaker is broken up with Swagger sending him shoulder first into the post for two more.

Swagger wraps a chair around the leg and puts on the Patriot Lock (meaning the chair doesn’t change anything) until Del Rio falls out to the floor. The powerslam sets up the Vader Bomb for another near fall. Jack throws in about ten chairs but Del Rio counters into the armbreaker over the ropes. A bunch of chair shots to the back sets up the top rope double stomp onto the chairs to retain the title at 11:19.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t bad but again this was such a mess with such an uninteresting story that there’s almost no way the match can be good. The finisher is still stupid, the chairs match gimmick is even worse (maybe) and the fans never bought the idea that Del Rio was going to lose. At least Colter wasn’t involved though.

We recap the ECW guys vs. the Wyatt Family. The Dudley Boyz were the Wyatts’ latest targets due to whatever bizarre reasons the Wyatts had this time (as usual they aren’t really clear). This meant the Dudleys had to bring in Tommy Dreamer and Rhyno to even things out, setting up an elimination tables match.

The ECW guys says they’ve seen it all over the years and now they’re here fighting one more time because hardcore is forever and age is just a number.

Dudley Boyz/Tommy Dreamer/Rhyno vs. Wyatt Family

The ECW guys go right at them to start and thankfully there are no tags. It’s already weapons time and the fight is quickly on the floor. We get a really bad looking sequence where Bubba puts a trashcan in front of his face so Strowman can punch it back at him. That was horrible. Strowman starts cleaning house until all four fight back. Rowan comes in and puts D-Von on a table but gets shoved off the top as the table breaks anyway. That’s not an elimination because it wasn’t an offensive move, which goes along with the rules these matches have had over the years.

3D puts Rowan through the table for an elimination but Bubba is clutching his knee. Bray and Harper come back in to take over as Bubba’s knee is good enough to go after Strowman on the floor. Rhyno suplexes Bray and Harper but Bray stops the Gore with a cross body. A big boot puts Rhyno through the table and we’re tied up again. Harper takes D-Von to the top but Bubba is back in to turn it into a Doomsday Device. Bubba goes after Strowman on the floor and D-Von gets another table, only to have Bray slam him through it for an elimination.

It’s down to Bray/Braun/Luke vs. Bubba/Dreamer. That means it’s time for kendo sticks and a cheese grater between Braun’s legs. Bubba and Dreamer bury him under a table for no apparent reason, leaving Harper to put Dreamer through a table with a suicide dive. Sister Abigail is broken up with some stick shots to the head and now it’s time for fire. Bubba covers a table with the fluid but Braun comes back in to chokeslam him through for the win at 12:30.

Rating: C+. This was fun enough and I can live with Rowan getting eliminated because no one cares about him in the first place. At least the Wyatts get a win and the jobbers did the job like they were supposed to. Hopefully this is almost it for Dreamer as he has little to offer outside of hardcore matches. Rhyno can do some good enough stuff on his own and might be worth keeping around, but they need to phase the ECW guys out again.

The pre-show panel recaps the show and throws us to the first Royal Rumble ad.

Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose

Owens is defending after Ambrose beat him in a non-title match last month and then won a triple threat match on Smackdown. That’s about it for the recap because there’s barely a story here. Before the match, Owens laughs at Boston fans for bragging about the success of their sports teams because none of them actually did anything in the first place. Dean might have thrown popcorn and soda in his face on Monday, but no matter what happens tonight, this is going to be the Kevin Owens Show.

Owens kicks him in the back to start so Dean punches him in the face. A belly to belly gets two for Owens and we hit the early chinlock. Dean fights up with a suplex but can’t hit Dirty Deeds. Instead it’s a clothesline to put Owens on the floor for a suicide dive. Owens pops right back up for a fall away slam and the backsplash on the floor, leaving Dean to dive back in at nine. Another backsplash hits knees but the top rope elbow is countered into a nice German suplex.

The Cannonball misses though and now the top rope elbow gets two. Dean’s superplex is countered into a middle rope Regal Roll and the kickout stuns Owens. The Pop Up Powerbomb is broken up and Dean grabs Dirty Deeds, only to have Owens touch the bottom rope for the break. Dean is stunned and walks into the Pop Up Powerbomb, only to counter into a hurricanrana for the pin and the title at 9:10. Lawler: “He’s going to be on cooking shows! He’s going to be on soap operas!”

Rating: B-. I wish they had let Owens keep going as champion but at least they FINALLY let Dean have something. This was treated as a big deal and could lead somewhere, assuming you believe the Intercontinental Title could actually mean something instead of being a title that is traded around every few months with no one getting anywhere as a result.

Dean celebrates quite a bit.

We recap Charlotte vs. Paige with Charlotte turning mostly heel and Paige not really turning anything new. Charlotte is embracing her inner Flair and Paige isn’t cool with that, setting up this title match.

Divas Title: Charlotte vs. Paige

Charlotte is defending and has her dad with her again. Paige knees her in the face to start and Charlotte hides behind her dad on the floor. Ric gets yelled at for a bit, allowing Charlotte to trip Paige as she comes back in and drop some more knees. We hit a front facelock on Paige as the fans aren’t thrilled with this so far. Paige’s sleeper attempt doesn’t go anywhere and it’s time for Charlotte to go after the knee. We see Team BAD, dressed as Team PCB for no logical reason, watching the match in the back.

Ric pulls off a turnbuckle pad but Charlotte doesn’t seem pleased. Paige uses the distraction to hit a running knee to the ribs and slap on her own Figure Four until Charlotte quickly rolls over. Back up and Charlotte hits a spinning top rope cross body, only to get caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two.

Something like a Rampaige from her knees gets two for the champ but the spear hits a knee to the face. Now the Rampaige connects on Charlotte but Ric pulls Paige’s leg under the ropes. Even JBL admits that this one happened. Charlotte uses the distraction to get the rest of the buckle pad off though and Paige goes face first to retain Charlotte’s title at 10:44.

Rating: C. As usual the psychology was way off here because they have no idea if Paige is a face or a heel. Charlotte is definitely doing better at the moment but Ric really needs to get out of here because the stories are becoming more about him than Charlotte, who actually needs the exposure. The match wasn’t bad but they needed some better focus.

After an ad for Kay Jewelers, Becky isn’t happy with what Charlotte did. Charlotte offers to make it like old times again but does the pinky swear with her dad instead and laughs at Becky.

Long recap of Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns, which is mostly about Sheamus cashing in his Money in the Bank last month and forming the League of Nations soon afterwards.

WWE World Title: Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

TLC match with Sheamus defending. Sheamus charges into a right hand to start and Reigns pounds away on the mat. The fans are chanting for Cena early on, despite this being a pretty solid show so far. It’s almost like they’re never happy no matter what they’re given. They head outside with the champ being whipped over the barricade and into the timekeeper’s area.

The ladder is bridged between the announcers’ table and apron but Sheamus hits him in the back with a chair to get a breather. The fans think Sheamus looks stupid but at least it’s better than the Tater Tot chants. Instead of going for the title, they fight up the aisle with Sheamus going through a bunch of tables and chairs for a crash. Reigns takes too long though and Sheamus backdrops him through a table. Sheamus gets back inside for the first climb but has to come back down to throw a ladder at Reigns.

The apron kick is countered by another shot to the face and a big White Noise puts Reigns through a table. They finally get back in with Reigns taking another ladder to the back but of course he’s still able to powerbomb Sheamus onto the ladder. Reigns knocks him back to the floor and hits something like a Superman punch off the steps with a chair to the head. Back in again and the regular Superman punch is countered into the Irish Curse as the fans just do not care. Like it’s disturbing how little they care here.

The fans chant for NXT as Reigns powers out of the ten forearms to the chest for a Samoan drop through the bridged ladder (clearly made of wood). That gets the fans back but they boo Reigns out of the building as he climbs again. JBL asks if Reigns is finally going to do it, basically admitting that the five minute title reign means nothing. A quick Superman punch drops Sheamus again but he pulls Reigns down again. Now it’s Sheamus going up but Roman nails another Superman punch off the ladder (cool spot) to knock Reigns through a table.

Reigns goes up and here are Rusev and Del Rio for the save. You knew that was coming sooner or later. Rusev takes him to the floor for the Accolade but Reigns fights out again and Superman punches both guys, only to eat a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. We get the slow climb and Reigns is back again, only to have Sheamus pull the title down and kill the crowd even deader than they already were at 24:00.

Rating: B. The match was fun but we all knew what was coming at the end and there was no way around it. I’m not even going to bother going on a rant about how stupid this is because there’s nothing left to say about it. This story and feud is horrible and it just keeps going because we need the PERFECT moment to put the title on Reigns permanently. What WWE doesn’t seem to realize (or acknowledge because I can’t believe they’re this dumb) is that the moment has already passed multiple times and the Reigns chance is gone.

The League (minus Barrett, who must be busy tonight), poses until Reigns spears them all down and beats them up with a chair. Reigns isn’t done yet (like, he won’t even listen to Stephanie shouting STOP!) and powerbombs HHH onto (not through) the announcers’ table. That sums up Reigns’ career so perfectly. An elbow puts HHH through the table as the announcers freak out that someone could touch the boss. Fans: “THANK YOU ROMAN!” HHH is helped out but Reigns runs back to ringside and spears HHH down to finally end the show.

This worked for many reasons, but there’s one at the top of the list: emotion. Instead of going by what the script says which may or may not make sense, there was a logical progression of Reigns being pushed to his limit too many times and FINALLY snapping like a 6’4 gladiator would do if he kept dealing with stuff like this. Stuff like that is always going to work and it did here.  Of course there are still a dozen problems with the show and this doesn’t solve most of them but it was a cool moment.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a very back and forth show with the opener obviously being the high point but the rest was like a boat that was trying to get through a bad storm. It had some good moments and there was definitely more good than bad but the main event was just death due to the horrible build. The violence and carnage carried things as it almost does but they still need a lot of changes. This worked for one night though which is a lot more than you can say most of the time.

Results

New Day b. Lucha Dragons and Usos – Kingston pulled down the titles

Rusev b. Ryback – Accolade

Alberto Del Rio b. Jack Swagger – Top rope double stomp onto a pile of chairs

Wyatt Family b. Dudley Boyz/Tommy Dreamer/Rhyno last eliminating Bubba Ray

Dean Ambrose b. Kevin Owens – Hurricanrana

Charlotte b. Paige – Pin after Paige was sent into the exposed turnbuckle

Sheamus b. Roman Reigns – Sheamus pulled down the title

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Now this is an interesting one as the TV shows are disasters right now but TLC is one of the few shows a year that is almost always worth watching due to the levels of violence and carnage. It’s very much a show built around the in ring action instead of the stories building up to it and that’s exactly what WWE needs right now. Let’s get to it.

Since there’s no pre-show match announced yet (though I can’t imagine we don’t get Breeze vs. Ziggler AGAIN), we’ll jump into this at random and save the main event for the end.

The Wyatts have to go over the ECW guys. Like they have to. As in there’s no way can’t. This should be the biggest layup in the history of big layups and I hope I’m not getting overconfident with it. One would have thought that Fourtune going over EV 2.0 back in 2010 would have been a layup too but Tommy Dreamer pinned AJ Styles because of reasons. Thankfully it’s elimination rules so a fluke is less likely, meaning I’ll go with the Wyatts.

Alberto retains over Swagger in his first defense of the title since he won it back in October. There’s always a chance that the Colter breakup is either a swerve or to set up a reunion with Swagger, but I still can’t imagine that they’re going to put the title on a loser like Jack. The fans wanted to boo Del Rio but he’s right back to being the same dull guy he’s always been. Either make him a big face like he was doing in 2013 (which I still really like) or let him be a jerk who gets to talk about something other than being Mexican. I’ll take Del Rio to retain but watch out for a swerve here.

Rusev over Ryback because they need to push Rusev as a threat for some reason. This Lana reunion isn’t getting them anywhere, which was what I was worried would happen after all those months of people saying “just put them back together” because this isn’t the same dynamic they had in the first place. It’s almost impossible to put a monster back together after he loses (which would apply to both guys here) and they’re not getting anywhere by having Rusev be the same guy he is while getting to make out with Lana. Rusev wins and no one cares.

Charlotte retains over Paige and I guess I’m supposed to boo the champ here. This story has gone from Paige being a jerk over Charlotte’s brother to Paige being just kind of there while Charlotte rants about how awesome her family is. We’re just killing time until we FINALLY get to Sasha Banks on top of the division, or Nikki returning and being all fearless and such. But yeah Charlotte keeps the title here.

Owens keeps the title over Ambrose because we need to have another instance of two guys splitting a series, likely setting up a third match at the last Raw of the year. Why? I have no idea, but WWE loves itself some meaningless trilogies. Thankfully the first match was good so maybe the rematch can be too, but it’s a pretty big drop to go from the main event of one show to a midcard title match on another. It’s almost like WWE doesn’t care much for Ambrose and is going to put him out there to put someone else over every single time and then wonder why his reactions get quieter and quieter.

Then we have what should be the match of the night with New Day defending against the Lucha Dragons and the Usos. Despite a lame buildup with the Usos kind of being forgotten the whole way through, this should be a blast as we have three teams who can fly with the best of them flying with the best of them. Just let these guys go nuts and do a bunch of crazy high spots on a ladder for fifteen minutes and the crowd can go nuts as a result. New Day retains because who are the other teams going to fight since there are almost no other heel teams on the roster with anything.

Finally we have one of the lamest main events in the history of modern wrestling as Sheamus defends against Roman Reigns in the TLC match. Now this has the potential to be AMAZING with two big power guys just beating each other up for twenty five minutes. If there’s one thing Sheamus is good at, it’s having a big power brawl with another guy capable of having a big power brawl. I don’t believe for a second that they actually change the title here as the League will likely interfere at the last minute but at least we’ll have a good match until we get to the lame ending.

Overall TLC could be subtitled “just try and have fun”. The booking is horrible at the moment and a lot of changes need to be made, but it’s pretty clear that we’re not going to get that anytime soon. However, it does seem like we could get something fun this time with the violence and carnage that comes with this show every year. I know it won’t fix everything or even a lot of the problems, but a night of fun brawling and insanity can take our minds off a lot of WWE’s current issues. It’s almost impossible for things to get much worse now so let’s just hope for the best and have some fun.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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We’re up to another show which feels like they’re trying to drain as much blood from the stone of Survivor Series that they can squeeze out. Basically it’s a bunch of singles matches from people who were on the main event teams with gimmicks, more than one of which just do not need to happen. Also, since Lesnar shows up like once every three months, the main event is for Cena’s #1 contendership, but only Cena can leave with it. Is there any reason why this wasn’t the best looking show on paper? Let’s get to it.

The pre-show saw the New Day beat Goldust and Stardust. Would you really expect anything else happening here? That’s really all there is to say here, but I don’t mind the New Day so far. Kofi and Langston have talent and giving them anything to do is a thing idea for them.

The opening match was Luke Harper losing the Intercontinental Title back to Dolph Ziggler in a ladder match in Ziggler’s hometown. This was using the idea of “hit each other really hard with some big ladders” for about fifteen minutes and then have Ziggler win. It’s a great choice for a brawl, but here’s the problem with opening a show with something like this: it’s going to be hard to top. Someday I need to write up a piece on how to structure a card.

Anyway, Ziggler got the title back and that really shouldn’t have shocked anyone. It’s his match in his city (until tomorrow when he was billed from Hollywood, Florida) against a guy that hadn’t actually won a match since he won the title with help. The idea here was that the win elevated Ziggler, but when you think about it, he’s right back to where he was before he was added to Team Cena but now he’s the reason the Authority is gone. Winning the title really doesn’t elevate him any higher than the Survivor Series win did, so I’m not sure if they’re hitting their target on this one.

Earlier in the night, Miz told Naomi that she would be a Hollywood star if he and Mizdow left with the titles. That’s quite the idea, so of course Naomi played absolutely zero role in the title match. Miz hit one of the Usos with a Slammy for the DQ, meaning the story has to continue. They need to do something with Mizdow though because he can only do the same idea so many times before the time is over. I did hear a great idea for how they lose the titles: Mizdow is legal but Miz is down, so Mizdow lays down and takes the pin because Miz isn’t up yet.

The stairs match was the disaster everyone expected it to be. I’ll avoid ranting on Big Show winning again because I think I’ve covered that idea to death already. Here’s the major problem with this match though: why was it a stairs match? The gimmick didn’t get anyone to buy the show, it didn’t help either guy get over, it doesn’t have a history, and it made the match repetitive. There is such a concept as “less is more” and that’s what happened here. This should have been a wrestling match (with Rowan not getting pinned but that’s another story) to give the fans a break from the weapons.

Cena and Rollins had a long and overbooked yet good tables match. I’m not entirely sure what the point was in the tie midway through the match as it really didn’t do anything but extend the match. I guess it lets Rollins say he put Cena through a table but you don’t need the tie to do that. Reigns and Big Show coming down were fine but the match had too much going on. Also, on top of that, what did Rollins have to win here other than pride? Put the #1 contendership on the line or something, because without a title to fight over, it stops meaning much.

Nikki retained over AJ in another nothing match. Three notes here: first of all, Brie said that she’s fine with her sister because they’re family. That’s about as lame of an answer as they could have gone with and is code for “We changed the story. Get over it.” The other note is Nikki Bella ACTUALLY CHEATED to keep the title by using hairspray to blind AJ for the Rack Attack. You know, like a villain is supposed to do. If villains don’t cheat, it’s hard for them to be villains.

Third, to further illustrate how over managed the whole company is, the stuff sprayed in AJ’s eyes was originally called hairspray on WWE.com but they changed it to “an unidentified substance.” Here’s the thing: someone actually looked at that report on WWE.com, saw that it said hairspray, and said no no no it was just some substance.

1. What’s wrong with hairspray?

2. Why not just call it an unidentified substance in the first place?

3. Who in the freaking world cares that it wasn’t actually hairspray??? I know there are some nitpickers out there, but was there really someone out there freezing the screen and zooming in on it to see if it was really hairspray???

4. Who looked at the report and said “CHANGE THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!!”? I really want to know who is in charge of the “identifying what Nikki Bella uses to cheat to win matches” department at WWE.com.

5. Someone is being paid to change hairspray to unidentified substance. Remember that the next time you’re looking for a job.

Next up was Ryback vs. Kane in a chairs match. Here’s a quicker way to cover this one. Read this but substitute Kane for Big Show, Ryback for Erick Rowan, chairs for stairs and swap the winner.

The stairs match was the disaster everyone expected it to be. I’ll avoid ranting on Big Show winning again because I think I’ve covered that idea to death already. Here’s the major problem with this match though: why was it a stairs match? The gimmick didn’t get anyone to buy the show, it didn’t help either guy get over, it doesn’t have a history, and it made the match repetitive. There is such a concept as “less is more” and that’s what happened here. This should have been a wrestling match (with Rowan not getting pinned but that’s another story) to give the fans a break from the weapons.

Rusev b. Swagger Part 19.

Wyatt beat Dean Ambrose in the namesake match when a TV monitor blew up in Dean’s face so Bray could hit Sister Abigail. I’ll skip all the spots and get down to the message of this match: sometimes someone has to lose a match. Anymore WWE seems obsessed with finding ways for someone to slip on a banana peel to lose after dominating for most of the match. Sometimes you have to have someone win and someone lose without some big gimmick ending.

If you’re trying to elevate both guys, having one put up a heck of a fight but come up short isn’t going to kill them (see Cactus Jack vs. HHH in 2000 for proof) but having Ambrose lose like he did here and in the Cell make me roll my eyes and forget the rest of the match. Tell me: how many things do you remember about the match outside of the ending? It was a good match but no one is talking about anything but the ending and how stupid it made Ambrose look. Get the idea here?

Overall this show had too much thought put into it and the whole thing got screwed up. The chairs and stairs matches could have been wrestling matches and the main event being worth anything (#30 in the Rumble perhaps?) would have helped it a ton. At the end of the day, Lesnar and the title not being around is killing this company and they need to get the title off of him as soon as possible.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Tables Ladders and Chairs 2014
Date: December 14, 2014
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re wrapping up the PPV schedule this year with Survivor Series Part II here, as most of the matches are just singles versions of matches from last month’s main event. The main event will either be Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match with Cena’s #1 contendership on the line or Wyatt vs. Ambrose in a TLC match with nothing on the line. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: New Day vs. Goldust/Stardust

Woods is on the floor as Goldust shoulders Kofi down to start. Kingston comes back with an armdrag into an armbar as the announcers are talking about Great Gazoo from the Flintstones. The discussion breaks down into a talk about jumping the shark. JBL: “That’s when you put something stupid to get people to stay with your show.” Cole: “Like MizTV.” Off to Big E. and Stardust as JBL lists off E.’s powerlifting records.

E. throws Stardust into the air for a dropkick from Kofi for two off a big crash. The Dusts head outside with Big E. launching Kofi onto both guys as New Day is in full control. Back in and the Dusts take over on Big E. in the corner as Lawler is back to the Great Gazoo thing as they debate which show he was on.

As the wrestling match in the background goes on, Kofi gets the hot tag and cleans house with dropkicks. The New Day Drop has Stardust in trouble but he sends Kofi’s shoulder into the post, followed by Goldust whipping him into the barricade. A double stomp in the corner has Kofi in even more trouble and Stardust busts out Colt Cabana’s Billy Goat’s Curse (reverse Boston crab).

Kingston flips out of a double belly to back suplex and dives over for the hot tag to Big E. Everything breaks down and Stardust nails Big E. for two and we get a plug for the Flinstones/WWE movie. The Midnight Hour (Big Ending/Top rope DDT) ends Stardust as 11:08.

Rating: C-. Nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw or Smackdown here as the announcers got on my nerves and the match was just ok. Big E and Kofi are a good team and that’s a solid finisher, but I’m not entirely sure where they go from here. It’s not too early for them to go after the tag belts is it?

The opening video is all about the violence and talks about how the weapons will be the most important things all night.

Intercontinental Title: Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler comes out in his Kent State jacket and is the huge hometown favorite as well as the challenger. An early superkick attempt sends Harper bailing to the floor but he quickly throws Ziggler into a ladder and then into the timekeeper’s area. Ziggler tries to make a fast save but eats a big boot for his efforts. Luke bridges the big ladder between the announcers’ table and ring but Ziggler escapes, only to charge into a spinning Boss Man Slam on the floor.

Back in and Ziggler is sent face first into the ladder, which falls down onto him in a big crash. Luke puts Ziggler behind a ladder in the corner but Ziggler slams it into his face. He heads up top and looks to drive the ladder down onto Harper but Luke dropkicks the ladder, sending Ziggler down to the floor. The champ throws the ladder at Ziggler and nails him in the face for another painful landing.

Ziggler slowly gets back up and picks up a ladder, so Harper tries a suicide dive and hits said ladder before crashing onto the ladder in a horrible looking crash. He’s still able to stop a climbing Ziggler though and sends him down onto the ropes. Ziggler escapes a powerbomb and dropkicks the champ onto the ladder to get a breather. The Fameasser is countered into a powerbomb onto a ladder bridged in the corner to make me cringe again. The cuts and bruises on Ziggler’s side are disturbing.

Harper puts a ladder onto Ziggler’s body and catapults both of them into the bottom rope. Ziggler is busted open and thankfully Harper starts climbing, only to have Dolph shove the doctor away and charge up to make a save with right hands. Both guys come crashing down but it’s Harper up first. His powerbomb is countered into a wicked faceplant into the ladder and Ziggler shouts DDT. He climbs up, Harper tries for a save, and Ziggler dives down with a DDT.

Luke does the ladder around the neck spot but eats a superkick to knock him down again. Another shot with the ladder sends Harper (bleeding from the arm) onto the bridged ladder outside. Harper somehow gets back in for a save though, sending Ziggler into the ropes. Back up and Dolph rides a ladder into Harper to crush him against the standing ladder but Harper makes another save. A kick to the face knocks Harper off the second ladder and Ziggler FINALLY wins the title at 16:39.

Rating: B. In probably the only time you’ll hear this comparison brought up with Ziggler and/or Harper, this was like Lelani Kai taking the Women’s Title from Wendi Richter in 1985. The idea was to give the heel a quick run so the hero(ine) could get a big win on the major stage. Ziggler wins in a feel good moment here, which just happened to come after a very hard hitting match. Good stuff here and a really solid match.

The announcers treat this like a career making win. I wouldn’t go that far.

We see Miz offering Naomi a deal on the pre-show: if he leaves as champion, she gets to be a star. Naomi says that her only goal is to be Divas Champion but she doesn’t seem sure.

Tag Team Titles: Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Usos

Usos are challenging with Jimmy and Miz (also from Cleveland) trading near falls a few seconds in. Jimmy chases Miz around the ring as the fans want Mizdow. Back in and Jimmy tackles Miz down and hammers away as Miz was the one that made things personal. The brothers load Miz up for a double suplex so Mizdow does a handstand in the corner. A clothesline puts Miz on the floor and the Usos hit their big dive, only to have Miz take over back inside.

We hit the chinlock on Jey for a bit before he easily escapes and makes the hot tag off to Jimmy. Miz gets knocked down in the corner so Mizdow does exactly the same thing without being touched. Only Miz takes the running Umaga attack as Mizdow is smart enough to roll outside.

The distraction lets Miz get in a cheap shot to take over and everything breaks down. The Finale puts Jey down but Jimmy busts out Konnan’s Tequila Sunrise of all things but Miz makes the rope. That’s fine with Jimmy who loads up the Superfly Slash, sending the champs to the floor in retreat. Jimmy dives on Mizdow but eats a Slammy to the face for the DQ at 7:10.

Rating: C-. So after all those weeks and the only interesting thing in the feud, Naomi meant nothing whatsoever. That’s quite the boring way to end the match, which wasn’t all that great in the first place. At least the Usos didn’t win the belts back, which is an odd thing to say as I like the team. Just not as champions again this fast.

Rollins dedicates his win tonight to the Authority and promises to destroy Cena until John agrees to bring the Authority back.

We get a tale of the tape…..of the stairs. Seriously.

Big Show vs. Erick Rowan

This is a stairs match, which I guess means the stairs can be used. Rowan hammers away to start but they quickly head to the floor where Show easily slams him. So there’s no DQ and you can use the stairs. If there’s no DQ, why can’t you use everything else? Rowan is whipped into the stairs but comes back to ram them into Show’s face. That’s fine with Show as he bounces Rowan off the post and throws him back inside.

Show changes his mind and puts the steps on the announcers’ table. A big whip has Rowan in even more trouble so the fans tell Big Show that he sucks. Back in and Show crushes Rowan in the back with the stairs again before wedging them in the corner. A whip sends Rowan into said steps but he pops up and slams Show down onto another set.

Erick can’t crush him with another set and Rowan falls to the floor off the impact. Show spears Rowan into a pile of stairs as this just keeps going. Back in and Show chokeslams him onto the steps and hits the KO but doesn’t cover. Instead he pins Rowan with the stairs for the three count at 11:15.

Rating: D. Big Show won. Again. Because we can’t have Big Show lose like ever right? This was a waste of Rowan’s push and basically said that he’s in the second tier of giants. Show is 42 years old and winning matches on pay per view over a new and creative character because….I have no idea why. The match sucked too as it was just a bunch of spots that happened to have stairs involved.

We recap Cena vs. Rollins. This started at Night of Champions when Rollins saved Lesnar from Cena, setting up the events of Survivor Series, where Rollins got a pin after Big Show KO’d Cena. Tonight it’s a tables match and if Cena loses, he is no longer #1 contender and Rollins gains nothing.

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

I’m kind of shocked this is happening so early. Heyman is watching at ringside as Lesnar’s next title defense is announced for Royal Rumble. Cena starts fast and takes Rollins’ head off with a clothesline. The Stooges take the table away though, allowing Rollins to get in a cheap shot to take over. He lays the table over the top rope in the corner but the Stooges knock it away when Cena loads up a powerbomb. A quick triple teaming puts Cena down and Seth takes over again.

Cena is in trouble in the corner but Seth stops to pose a bit, soaking in a few LET’S GO ROLLINS chants in the process. The distraction lets Cena get in some of his usual to take over, drawing in the Stooges for another beatdown. They load up a TripleBomb through a table but Cena fights out and bails to the floor. He heads to the entrance and finds a piece of the barricade. Noble chases after him and takes a suplex on the barricade (JBL: “CALL NIDIA AND TELL HER HE’S HURT!”).

Cena swings a table but hits the post so he throws Mercury into the timekeeper’s area to make it one on one. Rollins whips Cena into the barricade and sets up a pair of tables on the floor. He can’t quite suplex Cena through them though and gets suplexed back into the ring. Both guys are down but it’s Rollins up first, only to be backdropped out to the floor. A Money in the Bank shot to the face drops Cena and Rollins loads up another table. He spends too much time mocking Cena though and gets caught in the AA, only to have the ref get bumped.

Rollins escapes anyway and kicks Cena onto the table. He heads up top, only to get AA’d through the table. No referee though so the Stooges come in to clean up the evidence. Cena fights out of another TripleBomb and AA’s both Stooges through a table at the same time. That’s always cool to see. Rollins comes back in but fights out of another AA attempt as both guys wind up on the apron. Both guys fall through the double tables at the same time at 18:30.

Multiple referees come out to say either guy won but no one can figure it out. We restart the match with Rollins sneding him to the floor for a big dive. Cena pops up and hits an AA onto the announcers’ table but it doesn’t break. Instead of just doing it again, Cena puts another table up in the corner as Big Show comes out. He clears some of the broken table out of the ring and beats up Cena with ease. The chokeslam is loaded up but Roman Reigns returns through the crowd and Superman Punches Show down. A spear drives him through a table and Rollins eats one as well, setting up the AA through the table for the win at 23:30 total.

Rating: B-. Well it wasn’t clean. Actually it was closer to filthy but I don’t think anyone expected any other ending. Reigns returning to set up his big showdown with Rollins is a good thing, but I’m not all that jazzed about Cena vs. Lesnar again, especially if it ends with Big Show interfering again. Seriously why can’t he just go away? Match was fun but a bit tiring.

Pre-show recap and expert panel preview.

The Bellas are ready for Nikki’s title defense. Brie shrugs off everything Nikki has done to her by saying blood is thicker than water.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

Nikki is defending after her sister helped her take the title last month. The champ bails to the floor to start before AJ knocks her back outside. A cheap shot from Brie is enough to let Nikki take over back inside and the slow motion offense begins. She bends AJ’s back around the post in a painful looking move before cranking on both arms at once.

Off to a chinlock as the announcers debate if Brie is lurking or not. AJ reverses into a guillotine choke but Nikki drives her into the corner to break it up. A neckbreaker gets two for AJ and Nikki gets the same off a shot to the face. AJ pops back up with a Shining Wizard but Brie puts her sister’s foot on the ropes, earning her an ejection. The distraction lets Nikki spray something in AJ’s face, setting up the Rack Attack to retain at 7:28.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but Brie telling her sister to GET STRONG sounded so stupid. Like I’ve said for months, the Bellas just aren’t interesting characters. They’re portrayed as these girls that have worked so hard to get where they are but they come off like these stuck up girls that have no fire in them and who would be squashed like a bug by anyone other high level Diva ever.

Reigns says it feels great to be back and enters himself in the Rumble. Last year (this year actually) was nothing compared to what he’ll do this year (meaning next).

Kane vs. Ryback

Chairs match over who is the real monster. They duel with chairs to start until Kane gets in the first significant shot to take over. Ryback comes back with a hard clothesline and three middle rope splashes to put Kane down. Kane nails him with a few chair shots to the back and loads the chair up in the corner before ramming Ryback face first for two. A running DDT on the chair gets the same and Kane just unloads on Ryback with the chair.

That’s not enough for Kane though so he throws in a bunch of chairs so he can have his pick. He sets two of them next to each other in the middle of the ring but Ryback slams Kane through both of them. Now it’s Ryback destroying Kane with the chair but the Meathook is countered with a pelted chair to the face. The chokeslam gets two but the Tombstone is countered, setting up the Meathook and Shell Shock for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: D+. This was better than the stairs match but it still didn’t do anything for me. At the end of the day it’s nice to see Kane finally take a fall so it’s not infuriating like the Rowan match, but it just kept going and only does a little bit for Ryback. He does seem to be a bigger player now than he was a few weeks ago though so there’s potential there.

US Title: Rusev vs. Jack Swagger

Rusev is defending and broke Swagger’s mentor’s leg to set this up. Jack cuts off Lana’s speech and goes right for Rusev, nailing him with a big clothesline. He takes out Rusev’s ankle and the champion can barely stand. The Vader Bomb misses but Swagger counters the superkick into the Patriot Lock but Rusev rolls through into an Accolade attempt. Jack is too close to the ropes though and the hold doesn’t go on. And never mind as Rusev puts it on a few seconds later but Jack hangs on for almost a minute. He gets to his knees and rolls over into the Patriot Lock but Rusev gets to the ropes. A second superkick puts Swagger on the floor and a third sets up the Accolade to make Swagger tap at 4:52.

Rating: D. Have they killed Swagger enough yet? They’ve certainly killed my interest in the guy for a good while as they’ve done the same match over and over again with nothing really changing. We get the idea already: someone has to stand up for America and it’s not going to be Swagger. Find someone else already.

We recap Ambrose vs. Wyatt. Bray cost Dean his match inside the Cell against Rollins and Ambrose has gone after him ever since. They had a fight last month and then Dean destroyed the rocking chair that used to belong to Bray’s Sister Abigail. This is a TLC match for the big war.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

Since there’s nothing to put over the ring, you win by pinfall or submission. Dean nails him from the apron and the fight is on in the aisle. A suicide dive takes Bray down again and Ambrose sends him into the barricade for good measure. Ambrose clotheslines Bray into the crowd as they fight near the expert panel area. Bray is down so Dean dives off the panel’s table to take him down again.

Back to ringside now with Dean nailing him with a chair as Bray might be bleeding from the arm. They slug it out again with Dean in full control and setting up a table on the floor. Now it’s kendo sticks time but Bray locks eyes with Ambrose. He tells Dean to hit him but tries to grab a chair, earning him a hard stick shot to the head. A White Russian legsweep drops Bray again as this is one sided in the first five minutes. Dean goes after him with the stick again but Wyatt kicks him off the apron and through the table at ringside.

Bray puts the kendo stick in the corner sticking out and whips Ambrose face first into the end for a unique move. Now the ladder is brought in and set up in the corner but Dean sends Bray into the steel to take over. A bulldog gets two and Dean puts the ladder over the corner. He drapes Bray over the middle rope for a top rope Fameasser onto a chair. The finishers are countered but Bray just ENDS him with a clothesline for two.

Ambrose comes back with a ladder shot and takes Bray into the aisle. There just happens to be a table there so Bray is placed on top, setting up an Ambrose elbow from a ladder. Dean has that crazy look on his face and puts Bray on another table for a second elbow from an even higher ladder. Both guys are down now but stagger back to the ring where Bray hits a quick Sister Abigail for two. He tries another with the kiss but Dean reverses into a rollup for two. Dean sends him face first into the ladder and nails Dirty Deeds for a delayed two.

Ambrose goes under the ring and finds a live monitor (Cole: “That’s for our technicians. JBL: “And they live under the ring?”) which shows him a bunch of ladders near the entrance. He goes and finds the biggest ladder in the building and sets it up next to the ring but Bray is back up.

Dean blocks another attempt to crush his throat on the post with the chair like Bray did to him, only to do it right back to Bray like the crazy man he is. A third elbow off the huge ladder crushes Wyatt through the announcers’ table and both guys are down. They slowly get back in and Dean gets the monitor, only to have it blow up in his face. Dean is blinded, allowing another Sister Abigail to knock him out for the pin at 27:26.

Rating: A-. It was a wild brawl and a good way to end the show, but I’m only lukewarm on the ending. That’s far more logical of an ending than whatever they did in the Cell, but it’s still not the best. Wyatt getting a big win in the main event of a PPV certainly isn’t a bad thing though and Dean isn’t beaten clean so everyone wins, but it’s still not great and needed a bigger spot to end things.

Overall Rating: C+. The show was good enough for the carnage but the bad stuff REALLY dragged it down. I’m really worried about the Big Show’s continued push but that’s something you have to live with in WWE. This is a show where the good was really good but the bad was really boring, which cancels out a lot of the hard work. The main event scene still needs a huge makeover, but it could have been a lot worse. The fact that this came three days after Takeover didn’t do it any favors though.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Luke Harper – Ziggler pulled down the title

Usos b. Miz/Damien Mizdow via DQ when Miz hit Jimmy with a Slammy

Big Show b. Erick Rowan – KO Punch

John Cena b. Seth Rollina – Attitude Adjustment through a table

Nikki Bella b. AJ Lee – Rack Attack

Ryback b. Kane – Shell Shock

Rusev b. Jack Swagger – Accolade

Bray Wyatt b. Dean Ambrose – Sister Abigail

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

So we’re here for Survivor Series 2014 Part II: We Don’t Have Sting, as most of the matches on here are just singles versions of Team Cena vs. Team Authority but with weapons. Thankfully after this we’re likely going to move on to Cena vs. Lesnar III to make sure they scrape every ounce out of every idea they have because the writers tend to be lazy hacks. Let’s get to it.

As usual we’ll do the pre-show first and in this case it’s about as obvious as we’re getting with the New Day defeating the Dusts. There’s no reason for anything else to happen and that’s what we’re getting. New Day is still too new to mean anything but I don’t hate them so far.

Moving on to the main card, we’ll start with some of the less interesting ones, such as Ryback hopefully beating Kane in the chairs match. Then again this is Kane, meaning that his twenty years in the company have earned him the right to never have to take a freaking pinfall. Ryback wins here, earning a victory that doesn’t mean as much as him pinning Harper and Rollins in TV matches. Speaking of TV, has this match been hyped on TV in the last two weeks? It’s almost an afterthought at this point.

Speaking of old giants who need to do a freaking job once in awhile, Rowan beats Big Show in the stairs match. They’re really stretching for ideas here and no, I won’t be referring to this show as TLCS as that sounds like a disease or government agency. Rowan could become a good new giant in Kane’s likeness, assuming he can get Big Show to stay down instead of having someone run in for a DQ.

Rusev beats Swagger because he’s Rusev and Swagger is Swagger. We’ve been through this for months now and I think we’ve figured out what’s going to happen.

Miz/Mizdow retain the belts. Yeah the Naomi stuff is interesting, but there’s no real reason to give the Usos the titles again. There’s just nothing all that interesting about them after their big run. They’re fine as challengers like this and maybe getting the belts back later, but the Ascension is waiting in the wings to probably take the titles from whomever they face first.

Nikki retains the title over AJ, likely setting up the battle of the Bellas down the line to put everyone to sleep. Again the rumor is that AJ leaves soon but I’ll believe it when I don’t see her. The story isn’t half bad actually with the Bellas against the world, but then the Bellas have to talk and the whole thing just dies.

Ziggler takes the Intercontinental Title back to give him his big moment in Cleveland and to capitalize on his win at Survivor Series by….putting him right back where he was before the whole thing started. Odd how that works isn’t it? This match does have the potential to be a show stealer though and I’m looking forward to it more than anything else on the card.

I’ll take Ambrose in the namesake match, even though nothing really should be hanging above the ring. There’s a chance they’ll make it a pinfall match, but I don’t really see this as the end of the feud. It likely will be as there isn’t much else they can do, but the story seems like it should be going somewhere after this.

Finally we have Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match with Cena’s #1 contendership on the line. It’s not like Rollins can win anything other than pride, so let’s not pretend this match really means anything. Just let Cena win the thing and set up Cena vs. Lesnar III so we can all roll our eyes at the match and get on to Reigns being crowned king of the company. Rollins has ruled 2014 but I can’t picture him winning here, even though Cena has a pretty bad record at TLC.

Overall this show feels…..lazy. As usual, it feels like they’re just doing the same set of stories with a slight twist on them so we the writers don’t have to come up with something fresh. Thankfully though these shows tend to be entertaining due to the high levels of violence and pure carnage. If you don’t know that, I’m sure WWE is going to call this the Demolition Derby of WWE about 19 times in the first fifteen minutes. Also, maybe the NXT guys will light a fire under them and wake this roster up a bit. It’s been done before, but it’s going to take nothing short of perfection to beat R-Evolution.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Tables Ladders and Chairs 2010
Date: December 19, 2010
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

It’s the all gimmicks all the time show which was fun last year so we have that to hope for at least. The card looks decent and I’d expect a seventh match to pop up on here. The show is kind of predictable in theory though, but it’s nothing I’m worried about. Well I’m out of filler lines and the show is starting so let’s get to it.

Opening video/montage is about Cena vs. Nexus. Never mind as apparently it’s about champions, which makes more sense. The video is getting me hyped up at least so that should be a good sign.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler

That’s what I figured would be the opener. Nothing like a hot opener to be, you know, the opener. King says that Vickie isn’t as cute as Bill Dundee in another line that most people won’t get at all. Weird kind of three way brawl to start and we get a LOUD Kofi chant. Ziggler to the floor and Cole and Lawler start chatting about ladder matches which should be interesting.

First ladder brought in by the champion but both challengers shove him off as the champion touches the belt. Sweet dropkick by Kofi takes down Swags. In a smart spot Kofi shoves the ladder down onto Swaggers’ hands/arms as he’s using the ropes to get up. Another ladder in now, also by Ziggles. Swagger has to get his arm looked at as Kofi lands back first on a ladder.

Slingshot from the mat into the ladder draped over the middle rope. It may help if I say Swagger launched Ziggler into it. This is going WAY too fast to call play by play and such. Ziggler hits a Fameasser onto Kofi onto a ladder onto Swagger. Everyone is out so Vickie comes in. Lawler: who does she think she is, Michael Cole? She tries to go up for no adequately explored reason so Kofi starts to tip over the ladder until the heels make the save.

Everyone on the floor now as the fans are WAY behind Kofi still. He goes up the ladder but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Ziggler climbs up their backs and nearly pulls it off. Ziggler vs. Kofi on top as Jack is down on the floor. Big BOMBS being thrown here. Dolph manages to get the freaking Sleeper on top of the ladder! He fights out and gets a big shot to put Dolph down a bit.

TEST OF STRENGTH on top of the ladder but Kofi shoves Dolph off. Swagger goes up now as this is awesome stuff with incredible balance. Both guys pull down the title….and Ziggler grabs it off the mat to retain. The fans boo the heck out of it but Striker points out you have to have possession of it which while a stretch does actually make logical sense. If nothing else we got to hear Lawler say “he’s clutching it to his bosom.”

Rating: B. This was more of an intellectual ladder match which is something you don’t see. They brought out some leverage and thinking spots which work far better than the usual high spots which we’ll get later on with Morrison. This was much better than I was expecting and sets a very good pace for the show.

Barrett addresses Nexus and we have a tag title match tonight apparently. Cena is a cancer, Nexus is united tonight, you know the drill I’m sure.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Laycool

Quick recap video which is of the table on Friday which didn’t work. No tagging here thank goodness. The pink table with the painting from Friday is brought in as Laycool is down early. Crowd is QUIET here. Lawler says he’s never seen a Diva go through a table. That’s just amusing. Double fireman’s carry by Beth is very impressive. Striker makes an important point: any method of going through the table counts. Also it’s only one Diva required for a win.

Laycool in control now as the fans do not care at all. Beth is on the floor now as Laycool takes over. SICK landing by Beth as her foot gets hooked on a rope and she lands straight on her back/head. That was painful as all goodness, it had to be. Michelle sets for a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) through a table on Nattie but Beth comes back for the save.

Not table for Michelle (“JUST WAIT UNTIL MARK HEARS ABOUT THIS!!!”) as Layla rakes Beth’s eyes. Layla beats on Beth for awhile but can’t suplex her through it. Double gorilla press by the blondes to Layla until Michelle kicks both in the ribs. Beth may have fallen out for a bit. HOLY CRAP!!! Natalya puts Layla on top of Michelle and puts them BOTH in a Sharpshooter at the same time. TAKE THAT BRET!!!

The nice chicks set up the tables but Michelle sends Beth to the floor to make it 2-1 again. They set for a double superplex but Beth saves again. A lot of near finishes in this one indeed. Down goes Beth so they set for it again but they’re shoved off. The table DID NOT BREAK so Natalya is like screw it and splashes them through it to end this.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as you would have thought as Laycool fought them off far better than people would have predicted. It was a good match even but did anyone ever think Laycool had a realistic shot out there? Not a bad match or anything but at the same time it didn’t really get me into the match and it kind of dragged. Still fun though and that Sharpshooter was GREAT.

Ad for WWE Week which is cool indeed.

Kane talks about his childhood sucking but this year he gets toys: tables, ladders and chairs. He beats the tar out of a bunch of Christmas decorations while shouting MERRY CHRISTMAS. Oddly good actually.

Tag Titles: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

Santino does his usual funny stuff about how awesome he and Kozlov are. McGillicutty and Harris are with the guys in yellow. Santino vs. the homeless South African guy to start as this is a standard match. Surprisingly this is a pretty solid technical showdown to start. Off to the Wendy’s chick/man now with a hot crowd doing a Santino chant. The Cobra is the TLC tonight: Totally Lethal Cobra.

Now the fans like Kozlov. Harris clips him and the evildoers have won the day! Ok so they’re just in control but it sounds more triumphant the other way. Big Wendy’s chant now as we’re still being funny and not getting into TNA territory. Vlad gets beaten down for awhile until he uses his head to get Santino in. Santino raises the roof and cleans a few rooms. Cobra is set up but McGillicutty runs in for the LAME DQ.

Rating: D+. Nothing here at all and Santino is the guy getting hot tags now? Just a quick match but apparently they’re setting up the post match thing which is coming here. Nothing that couldn’t have been done on Raw here, but at least Nexus got their rematch out of the way now.

Nexus beats the champions down with Barrett coming down and killing Santino and Kozlov with a chair which makes sense.

Don’t try this at home. Try it in a place that I haven’t made a joke about a dozen times already.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison

Oh yes. These two have that weird chemistry that guys like Warrior and Rude did: you can’t explain it but it’s definitely there. Lawler will not shut up about Cole costing him the title still. They actually hit the mat almost immediately which is odd indeed. We hit the floor and Sheamus sets up a ladder early. Winner is #1 contender if I forgot to mention that.

Morrison slides under the ladder that is set up between the announce table and the apron. He teases Sheamus to get him to also but the big white dude can’t do it and gets kicked in the head. A fan calls Sheamus Casper which cracks me up. Morrison jumps over part of the crowd to hit a forearm, which is a former AJ move. Into the ring and they fight over a ladder which results in Morrison diving over a ladder to take down Sheamus.

Morrison goes up but isn’t in the right position and down he comes. He gets hung upside down with his leg getting caught and he’s stuck hanging upside down. Sheamus’ solution: shove him forward which could hurt his knee and head as well. Sheamus works the knee as a smart Irishman. The fans seem to be divided here but not equally. I think they’re for Morrison but I’m not sure.

Cole tries to make this tank vs. fighter jet which is a cool analogy. Morrison is somehow able to stand after a beating like that one. That’s quite impressive. After a slam onto a ladder where Morrison’s knee gets caught, Sheamus heads up. He naturally takes too long and here comes Johnny Boy. Sheamus charges at him with a ladder but Morrison gets a drop toehold to send the King’s face into the ladder.

BIG kick puts Sheamus down and we’re getting good now. Irish Curse takes down Morrison again though and he hits the floor. Both guys have ladders so they slug it out with the ladders and Sheamus gets his hand hurt. Morrison’s next step? CHUCK THE LADDER AT SHEAMUS’ HEAD!!! Why mess with the basics I guess. Atomic drop onto the ladder makes Jerry squeak in a loud voice.

Instead of climbing immediately John throws a ladder over the top to crush Sheamus all over again. Hand on the contract but a Brogue Kick to the knee/ladder brings Morrison down to the floor. Sheamus goes up but the contract is flying all over the place. Here comes Morrison but the both go down again. Headscissors sends Sheamus to the floor and here goes Morrison again. ALMOST but Sheamus shoves the ladder down for the save. Sweet stuff so far.

Sheamus backdrops Morrison over the top where he crashes to the floor but luckily he didn’t land on the ladder which is still bridged from the beginning of the match. They fight on the same ladder with their backs to the bridged one. Both guys fall backwards, Morrison to the floor and Sheamus THROUGH THE LADDER. That spot never gets old, period. Morrison is all alone in the ring, other than a ladder that is, but here comes Sheamus somehow! Cole asks if he’s the Terminator and I might believe it. Morrison KICKS HIM IN THE FACE and is the #1 contender, more or less sealing Miz retaining later on.

Rating: A. That’s probably a bit overrated but DANG this was good stuff. The se two have MAD chemistry together and every single one of their matches have been awesome. The announcers say this is Morrison’s best match ever, and I can’t really argue against it. Morrison vs. Miz is going to be sweet stuff at the Rumble indeed. Great match.

Miz says that he’s the new face of the company. Everyone has said he can’t do it and he’s proven everyone wrong. Indeed he has.

Barrett won’t talk to Grisham as it’s powwow time. Nexus is LAID OUT with chairs everywhere and only Harris, who was with Barrett, left standing. I smell a setup.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Orton is power walking down to the ring. This is a tables match remember. We get a quick recap video of Miz cashing in which while semi-predictable was still great stuff. Big match intros are always sweet. Orton pounds him down early and we’re off. Miz is in gold trunks, just like Sheamus was. Orton misses a charge and eats buckle as Miz takes over. We get into the Superstar of the Year argument again which goes nowhere.

Orton hits the floor and grabs a table from under the ring as I guess the seven or eight in the aisle aren’t good enough for them. Riley moves the table to save his boss/friend/teacher/dom to his sub. Orton gets his sweet dropkick. Miz gets in a cheap shot and here comes Miz, setting up a table. Orton is sent into the steps and it’s table time all over again.

Miz’s table breaks/falls apart though. Clearly not an awesome table. Miz goes up but Orton rolls off the table which was stupid because he could have won if he hadn’t moved early. Table #3 pulled out by Miz. Even the Artists Formerly Known as the Dudleys say REALLY to that many being brought out by one guy. Running clothesline in the corner has Orton in trouble.

Angle Slam by Orton and he puts Miz on the top. Superplex off the top but Riley again moved the table. There’s the snap powerslam and the elevated DDT. Riley moves the table again so Orton puts him down for fun. Table set up in the middle of the ring and we have an RKO chant. Backbreaker keeps Miz down. Orton sets for the RKO but Riley comes in AGAIN.

Skull Crushing Finale is blocked and we lose a referee. Powerbomb to Riley through the table but there’s the Skull Crushing Finale to Orton. I think I know what’s coming. Yep, Miz moves Riley off the broken table and puts Randy on it. The referee wakes up and Miz retains the title! AWESOME!

Ok wait maybe not as the referee sees the video and we’re on again! Orton hammers away and boy is he ticked off. And never mind as Riley shoves Orton off the apron and through the table to tapdance on the pieces of the broken hearts of the fans while the magic fairies of instant replay were repairing them. AWESOME AGAIN!

Rating: B-. I loved the ending here as it played into the whole Miz defies the odds thing. They also covered that this is fair. It’s probably a bit too highly rated but I had a lot of fun in this one. Also the right guy won as Orton goes back a bit now so we don’t have to deal with him for awhile. I liked it a lot as this whole show has been awesome.

Royal Rumble ad which is about how one person is going on while 29 aren’t. Other than the other guy getting a title match that is.

Off to Alberto and some hot chick in the back near his car. Edge is standing in it and bouncing up and down. He offers an alliance between the three of them to take out Kane. Alberto thinks about it but Edge says no not really as that never works.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

You win by gaining custody of the title. Dang it Rey has the advantage now since he had a custody ladder match before! Rey is dressed….like Gene Simmons of KISS? Really? Entrances take a very long time here. Kane goes straight for Edge as the expected pairings go off together. Striker goes through everyone’s experience in four ways or TLC matches to waste some time.

Alberto shoves Rey off a ladder as Rey jumps onto Kane and Edge, taking them both out with ease. Rey hits a Seated Senton onto the ladder onto Alberto which was cool. The problem with these matches becomes apparent very early as we know the match isn’t ending this early. Chokeslam is countered into an Edgecution by Edge to put the champion down.

Baseball slide to the ladder puts Kane down again, ticking off Cole since it knocked down his Slammies. Alberto and Mysterio kind of disappeared and we have the original title match now. Ah there’s Alberto with all four guys on the floor. Kane rips the legs of a table off which is rather impressive strength. Edge is in the crowd now and not by his own choice.

For some reason he jumps off the barricade to break up a double chokeslam on both Spanish speakers. Everyone but Del Rio combines to put Kane through a table, leaving only Rey to climb the ladder. Running enziguri in the corner has Rey down so Alberto speaks some Spanish. For no apparent reason Del Rio pauses to go get a chair which doesn’t work. Spears for both Del Rio and Rey and Edge climbs up.

Kane is back though and Edge’s balls get a bit too acquainted with the top rope as a result. Out to the floor (again) with Kane killing everyone (Katie Vick anyone?) with a chair. Everyone but Rey is on the stage where Edge spears the champion down. Rey climbs up onto the tables that hang from the ceiling to take down Kane with another seated senton. Everyone else is down so Rey is like screw it and hits the ring but is too small to get the big ladder up, allowing Del Rio to stop him again.

619 for both Edge and Del Rio but Edge stops his with a chair shot. Two ladders go up, one of which Edge couldn’t reach the title from the very top of. Edge and Rey go up the huge ladder but crash down in a painful looking drop. Ricardo tries to get Del Rio up before going up the ladder himself. And never mind as Kane is back. Chokeslam to “Eddie Munster (I love Striker)” and one to Alberto as well.

Edge through a table now as Rey gets rid of the ladders and beats on Kane for a bit. Del Rio somehow stops him from getting up the HUGE ladder and there’s the Cross Armbreaker which Rey taps to, not that it means anything. Striker thinks you can’t climb a ladder with a bad arm. Morrison did it earlier with a bad leg but you can’t do it with a bad arm? And people wonder why teachers get so little respect.

Alberto goes up and gets his hands on the belt but Rey saves by shoving the big ladder over, sending Alberto CRASHING through two tables on the floor. Big old sick spot there. Kane saves again and a Tombstone flattens Rey one more time. The top of Kane’s head is cut a bit. Kane goes up but Edge pops him a few times with a chair. I think our announcers are out. Edge spears Kane off the apron and there he goes and there’s World Title #10. Riveting.

Rating: B. Fun match but it was a step behind what I thought it would have been. This is LIGHT YEARS ahead of what Edge vs. Kane would have been though so that’s a perk. There wasn’t a good pick to win this one really as everyone would be pretty boring. Somehow this is the weakest big match so far, which is saying a lot as it was still good stuff. Good match, but nothing legendary.

And here’s Cody Rhodes. Uh why? Rhodes is straight up ROCKING the suit he’s in. He talks about the jowel (not a typo) which is where the jaw meets the chin or something. He runs down Houston for some cheap heat which is perfectly fine. Houston is the fattest city in America apparently. And here comes Santa with the Bellas. It’s Santa Show this time. Jerry: it looks like Santa got bigger this year. Striker: if I was around the Bellas I’d get bigger too.

Show and the Bellas throw out DVDs which apparently are all of Knucklehead. Not a bad thing for free I guess. Cody makes fun of Show in his underwear on the DVD cover. Show shills the DVD and makes fun of Cody. Cody says Show looks like a vanilla Shrek. Show threatens Cody with being in Knucklehead II. Spinebuster to Cody and the suit gets ripped off. Cody has Sunday written on his underwear.

Cena takes out Harris and says see you out there to Barrett, who was next to Harris when he got cracked by a chair. Cena is a ninja!

And here’s CM Punk, apparently taking over for Striker for the main event.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett

This is PPV main event number……five for Barrett in his seven months on the main roster. Not that WWE made a new star or anything. BIG reaction for Cena as this is a chairs match. DUELING CHANTS!!!! Barrett hits the floor and Cena cuts him off as the fight is on. There must be twenty chairs at ringside. Barrett gets the first one so instead of picking up another, Cena slowly backs up and tries to keep fighting.

Both guys in the ring with chairs which last a few seconds as we’re back to the slugout. The idea here is that neither guy can get to the chair which they’re treating as something special here, which I like. They hit the floor with Barrett in control. Barrett gets a chair shot to the back of Cena but it’s in the aisle. Barrett sets up the steps which would be illegal wouldn’t they?

Cena slams him on the stage and goes to the back. He comes back with a rolling chair in a rather funny moment. He puts Barrett in it and wakes him up with some water. Cena gets a running start and throws Barrett down the ramp in the chair into the steps. Awesome spot and kind of funny at the same time. Barrett gets control way too quickly and we’re back in the ring and the English dude has a chair.

He chokes away with it as someone as the announce table can’t stop coughing. In an amazing strength move, Cena has Barrett sitting on the chair on top of him. Cena says screw it and bench presses his way out of it. HOW STRONG IS THIS GUY? Barrett gets a chair up to stop a shoulder block and Cena hits the floor. Cena gets tied up in the ropes and Barrett has a freaking field day on him with the chair.

Cena fights out and hits the Protoplex and the Shuffle but can’t get the FU. Bossman Slam gets two. Chair is wedged in between the top and middle rope. STF is countered with Cena being launched into the wedged chair. Barrett goes up with the chair and dives off (think Foley diving off the apron with one) but gets canvas instead. Top rope Fameasser with the chair but Cena won’t cover.

He sets up about six chairs in a two rows of three facing each other. I think I see an FU coming. Hey what do you know I’m right. In the FREAKING OW MAN spot of the night, the chairs DON”T MOVE and Barrett just stops cold. The pin is academic and for once and for all, the feud is OVER.

Maybe it isn’t as Barrett crawls away and Cena picks up another chair. Let the beatdown begin. They’re up by the stage and Cena gets some kind of a metal pallet thing. Cena looks up at all the chairs hanging from the ceiling and THEY ALL FALL ON BARRETT. Nice job as Barrett is BURIED to end the show and the year. The visual on the replay of a bunch of them just falling straight down is great.

Rating: B. Not a great match or anything, but it certainly worked. I don’t usually do this, but I’m going to include the post match stuff in the rating for this one. That part is the real aspect here, as Cena didn’t beat Wade Barrett. He defeated him. That’s a key difference here. Cena did exactly what he said he’d do: he defeated Nexus. It’s not a great match, but it’s a great ending. That’s what the important thing is here, and it worked like a charm.

Overall Rating: A. This show was fun. That’s the best possible description that I can give it. You have at least one great match with Morrison vs. Sheamus and depending on your tastes another in the TLC match. There wasn’t a single bad match here with the worst certainly being the tag titles, but that was under seven minutes and really not that bad. Also it’s early enough in the show that it doesn’t hurt anything, plus it was a bonus match so it’s not like anyone has anything to be disappointed in either.

The key thing to me though is that for once we got the END of an angle here. That’s the important part of this show to me. Instead of having a show just be the next chapter in a story, it was the final chapter in it and the whole thing is done. It’s a perfect way to close out the year and it worked very well. Excellent show and exactly what it was supposed to be: incredibly violent and fun. No complaints at all.

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Tables Ladders and Chairs 2013
Date: December 15, 2013
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re at the final PPV of the year and the main story tonight is of course the TLC title unification match between Orton and Cena to give us one world champion. It didn’t make a ton of sense when they did this in December of 2001 and it doesn’t make the most sense in December of 2013. This could headline Wrestlemania, but I guess they wants a big buyrate for December, so why not shoot everything they have at it and forget the incredible money it could draw four months from now. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler

How was Ziggler world champion six months ago? Fandango puts him down with a shoulder block but walks into a nice dropkick. Ziggler is sent tot he floor and we take an early break. Back with Ziggler breaking out of a chinlock, only to get caught by a dropkick and rollup for two each. Dolph comes back with a quick Fameasser for two, causing Cole to say it’s shades of Billy Gunn, even though Ziggler has done more with that move than Gunn could ever dream of.

Ziggler pounds away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline. The Zig Zag is countered into a falcon’s arrow for two but he gets crotched going up top. Summer Rae distracts Ziggler though, allowing Fandango to hit the guillotine legdrop for the pin at 4:22. Too much was spent in the commercial to rate but the match was a glorified dark match with a surprise ending.

The pay per view opens with HHH and Stephanie coming to the arena. Vince was seen on the pre-show but is nowhere in sight here. Stephanie talks about what an important moment this is and acknowledges the crowd by saying YES, this is a huge moment. HHH says the World Championship dates back to Lou Thesz as champion (not true in the short version of a long story) and talks about how big tonight is.

The opening video talks about how the wrestling industry is defined by the champion and the future path of wrestling will be determined tonight. There will be only one if that wasn’t made clear.

Cole confirms that the winner will be the WWE World Heavyweight Champion which is the easiest layup possible.

CM Punk vs. Shield

Ambrose starts things up for Shield and feels Punk out a little bit. Punk wisely runs instead of being dragged into the Shield corner and shouts that he’s beaten Dean twice already so give someone else a shot. It’s off to Rollins so Punk bails to the floor to play some head games. Rollins chases him back into the ring and gets caught by some shoulders in the corner followed by three straight neckbreakers for two.

Seth fights up and brings in Reigns to throw Punk into the Shield corner. Rollins and Reigns make a wish on Punk’s legs before Seth hits a neckbreaker of his own. Back to Ambrose for some rib stomps before it’s off to Reigns for a hard clothesline. Shield is taking their time here instead of their usual fast tagging. Punk is thrown to the floor but still has enough in him to avoid Reigns’ spear over the announce table. Roman looks to have injured his eye when he went over the table.

Reigns is dazed but makes it back inside where Punk goes after his eyes. He rakes and punches away at it but Roman sends him outside again to get a breather. It’s off to Rollins as a doctor looks at Roman’s eye. A knee to Punk’s head is good for two but he shoves Rollins into Ambrose, knocking Dean to the floor. The high kick gets two on Seth and Punk speeds things up with ax handles to the face.

A great looking running knee in the corner sets up a high cross body for two and the Anaconda Vice is on. Ambrose makes a diving save and comes in off the tag. Dean loads up a superplex but gets headbutted down, setting up the Macho Elbow. The cover is delayed as Punk had to take out Rollins and Dean kicks out at two. Rollins charges in but gets caught in the GTS. Punk goes after Ambrose, only to sidestep a charging Reigns who spears Ambrose down by mistake. Punk sends him to the floor and gets the upset pin on Ambrose at 13:10.

Rating: C+. To clarify, Punk just beat the unbeatable Shield by pin with no outside interference. Let me guess: this is great, whereas if say Cena did this, it would be him playing Superman again. The match was fine but more storytelling than anything else. It should be interesting to see where Punk goes now, as he’s due for a return to the title picture after some time away.

AJ tells Renee that there’s only one Diva that matters around here. She isn’t on some silly reality show like Natalya and is going to be the one laughing after tonight. AJ is also counting days as champion now.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging. AJ takes her down to start with a headscissors before Natalya reverses into an armbar. A low dropkick has Natalya in trouble so she heads outside, only to be distracted by Tamina, allowing AJ to send her face first into the apron. Off to a chinlock by AJ followed by a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Natalya comes back and sends AJ into the corner, only to get caught in a nice guillotine choke.

The blonde powers out and hits a basement dropkick to the face followed by some clotheslines. Some suplexes set up the Sharpshooter and Natalya brings her back to the middle of the ring, only to have AJ kick free. The Black Widow goes on but Natalya rolls out, breaking it for the first time. A clothesline puts AJ down again but another Sharpshooter attempt is countered into a small package for the pin at 6:42.

Rating: C. There were some nice false finishes in there but I’m over Natalya challenging for the title. AJ has completely cleaned out the division except for Tamina, setting up the showdown whenever they go that way. I’m sure we’ll hear about AJ vs. Total Divas again though, because just beating them about five PPVs in a row isn’t enough proof of who is better.

The announcers play up that AJ pulled hair to get the small package.

We get a video package on the world titles that we’ve seen on Raw and Smackdown with Flair and Rhodes and others talking about what winning the title means.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. Langston vs. Damien Sandow

Before the match, Sandow tells the Texas crowd some assorted phrases that are worthless: y’all, ye if followed by haw, and Big E. Langston: Intercontinental Champion. Nice touch. Langston throws the challenger into the corner to start and hits a corner splash to keep Damien in trouble. They head outside with Langston in trouble, only to miss a charge into the post to change momentum.

Back in and Damien pounds away at Big E.’s head before putting on a chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two for Sandow and we’re back to the chinlock again. Langston powers out of the hold and drops Damien with an electric chair. A belly to belly sets up the Warrior Splash for two but the Big Ending is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two by Sandow. Another Big Ending attempt is countered into a small package for two but Langston is done messing around. He runs Sandow over with ease and the Big Ending is enough to retain the title at 6:25.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing you wouldn’t see on Smackdown. These two did virtually the same match with the same story earlier this year for Langston’s NXT Title so there was some practice coming in. Langston has a bright future and a title defense on PPV isn’t going to hurt him at all.

Vince is in the back and shakes Orton’s hand. They appeared to be talking but there was no sound.

We recap Kofi attacking Miz on the pre-show, setting up a No DQ match later tonight.

Tag Titles: Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Rhodes and Goldust are defending and this is elimination rules. Ryback and Axel have both beaten the champions in the last few weeks while Big Show and Mysterio have teamed together I believe once. Ryback shoves Rhodes around to start but gets caught in a half crab, allowing Goldust to come in with an elbow to the back of Ryback’s head. Off to Axel for a nice dropkick, only to get caught in a wristlock.

Axel fights up but Goldust makes a tag off to Big Show who keeps up the arm work. There’s the skin ripping chop and the fans want it one more time. Show does it a third time and Axel sells it like he got shot. Mysterio comes in for some forearms but Axel sends him into the corner. Ryback gets the tag and pounds Mysterio down, only to bring Axel back in for something resembling stereo cross bodies to put both guys down.

Double tags bring in Ryback and Goldust with the champion scoring off the uppercut and a spinebuster. Ryback loads up a powerbomb but gets rolled up for the pin by Goldust, getting us down to three teams at 6:12. Cesaro comes in to pummel Goldust in the corner before it’s off to Swagger for a front facelock. The fans start chanting WE THE PEOPLE as Goldust is sent to the floor for a clothesline from Swagger.

Back inside and Cesaro gets two off the gutwrench suplex and we hit the chinlock. Off to Jack again for a bearhug as Big Show plays cheerleader for Goldust. Goldie fights back with right hands and a springboard elbow to the jaw. Cesaro easily takes him down and we get a short version Cesaro Swing. A Swagger belly to belly suplex puts Goldust down again and we get the Vader Bomb/double stomp sequence from the Real Americans for another two.

Antonio puts on another chinlock but this time Goldust escapes with a jawbreaker. Cesaro can’t break up the tag but Swagger runs around the ring and pulls Cody off the apron. Cody is holding his knee as Big Show throws Swagger into the barricade and Goldust catches Cesaro with a hurricanrana. A powerslam puts Cesaro down again and the hot tag brings in Big Show. Cesaro is thrown all over the ring and a shoulder block turns him inside out. Both Americans get punched in the jaw and Big Show pins Cesaro for the elimination at 14:42.

So we’re down to the two good guy teams but Big Show waits for the champions to get on their feet. A hard shoulder block puts Goldust on the floor and Cody gives him a somewhat angry pep talk. Goldust comes back in for a top rope cross body with Big Show waiting on the impact for about eight seconds. The chokeslam is countered into a DDT for two and it’s off to Cody for a double suplex on Big Show for two. The fans are rapidly losing interest.

Big Show swats a Disaster Kick out of the air and it’s off to Mysterio (remember him?) for a springboard seated senton to Cody. Now the Disaster Kick connects for two on Mysterio and Cody is getting frustrated. Cross Rhodes is countered into the 619 to both champions. Goldust is sent into the barricade by Big Show but Cody sends the giant into the post.

Cody tries a springboard dropkick but gets caught in a powerbomb by Rey (how often do you hear that?) for two. Cross Rhodes are countered again but the 619 is countered into an Alabama Slam which is countered into a sunset flip for a VERY close two. The third attempt at Cross Rhodes FINALLY connects for the pin to retain the titles at 21:06.

Rating: A-. This dragged a bit in the middle but man alive that ending was great. Cody and Goldust are just awesome right now and I’m so glad they didn’t give the titles to another thrown together team. I have no idea why the Usos weren’t in there somehow other than putting in two bigger names. Really good match here though.

A bunch of people play with Brawling Buddies in a head throbbing segment. The payoff is Kane scaring everyone off and having the Brodus Clay Buddy beat up the Cena Buddy. Cole: “…..Yep.”

Brodus Clay vs. R-Truth

Bonus match due to Brodus going nuts on Truth’s buddy Xavier Woods on Raw. Truth takes him into the corner to start and scores with a dropkick, sending Brodus to the floor. A nice dive takes Brodus out again but he comes right back with a Banzai Drop for no cover. He finally drags Truth back into the middle for two before throwing him corner to corner again.

A running splash in the corner crushes Truth but he still won’t go for the pin. They head outside with Tensai yelling at Clay to go for the win but instead Brodus puts Truth in the Tree of Woe. Tensai gets up on the apron for a shouting match before walking out. The Funkadactyls walk out as well and Truth hits a side kick into a rollup for the pin at 6:06.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match which is acceptable if they actually do something with Clay. The guy has a chance to be something interesting if he’s pushed properly, but given how they’ve pushed him twice before I can’t imagine it actually working. Good heel turn though.

Vince wishes Cena luck.

Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

No DQ and set up by Miz attacking Kofi a few times recently in addition to the pre-show stuff earlier. Kofi goes nuts on Miz with right hands to start with Miz being sent to the floor. A Kofi dive is blocked by a right hand but Kingston drives him into the barricade. Miz is shoved up against the post but Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise hits the post, badly injuring his ankle in the process. Miz DDT’s the leg onto the floor and gets two back inside.

Kofi is in trouble but gets two off a quick rollup for a breather. Lawler talks about telegrams for some reason as Miz goes after the bad leg for some storytelling. Miz’s cannonball down onto the leg is countered with a kick to send him to the floor, only to have Kofi miss a dive, sending him into the barricade. Back in again and Miz unhooks a turnbuckle pad, setting up something big. The Skull Crushing Finale into the pad is countered into a rollup for two as we get a breather. Miz goes up but dives into a dropkick as a boring chant starts up. Back up and Kofi quickly sends Miz into the buckle to set up Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D+. This was longer than it needed to be and the ending didn’t do much for either guy. The leg stuff didn’t go anywhere at all which is one of the things that drives me crazy in matches. This feud isn’t going anywhere for either guy but they’re still feuding for no apparent reason.

Tribute to the Troops ad.

We recap Bryan vs. the Wyatts with Bray wanting Daniel to join the Family but getting kneed in the face instead.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wyatt Family

Bray of course sits in the rocking chair to start. Rowan gets us going for the team and takes Bryan’s head off with an elbow to the jaw. Daniel gets caught in the corner and it’s off to Harper for a lot of yeah yeah yeah. Bryan comes back with the surfboard knee stomps and some kicks but a shot to the ribs gives Luke control. Back to Rowan for some shots to the gut and a bearhug to slow the match down.

Harper slams Daniel down and Bray stands up. Wyatt himself comes in and shouts that he could have helped Daniel before splashing him in the corner. Bray goes nuts on Bryan before stopping for that evil look of his. A suplex/toss sends Daniel flying and Bray does the incredibly creepy Exorcist spider walk over to the corner for a tag to Harper. Fans: “THAT WAS CREEPY!”

Luke puts on a chinlock before Rowan throws Daniel back into the corner. A big boot from Harper puts Bryan down and it’s back to Bray who shouts about the fans. He offers Daniel his hand but Daniel kicks it away and pounds on Wyatt’s jaw. Bray will have none of that though and runs Daniel over before bringing Harper back in. Back up and Bryan avoids a charging Bray to send him into Rowan before avoiding a running big boot from Harper.

Daniel busts out an awesome belly to back superplex on Luke for two before firing off the kicks. The big one to the head sets up the swan dive but Daniel has to fire off the kicks to Rowan, tying him up in the ropes. A tag brings in Bray who gets rolled up for two but Wyatt runs him over again. Bryan is whipped into the ropes but he scores with the FLYING GOAT to Harper. Back in the missile dropkick drops Bray but he counters the YES Lock and pummels Bryan down. Sister Abigail ends Bryan at 12:25.

Rating: B-. I was digging this a lot by the end with Bryan giving it everything he had. The most interesting thing here though was Wyatt. He’s the kind of guy who you just have to watch when he’s on screen, which is a rare thing to find anymore. In a word, he’s mesmerizing. As for the result, there’s no way you can put both singles guys over in the handicap matches and it doesn’t hurt Bryan to lose here at all.

The expert panel (Booker and Foley) talk a bit.

We recap Orton vs. Cena which has been covered already. It’s to determine who is champion of champions and we get the video package of their parallel histories from Smackdown.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs. John Cena

TLC match, winner take all. They have a ton of time to used for this too. Naturally we get big match intros and we’re ready to go. They head into the corner to start and Cena grabs a headlock. The wrestling gets boring though and we get our first ladder and table with the wooden one being set up in the corner. Orton escapes an AA through the table and heads to the floor for a chair. Cena can’t avoid the shot to the back and Randy is in control.

They head outside again but Orton misses a chair shot and hits the post, allowing Cena to pick up the chair. A series of chair shots puts Orton down and John loads up another table on the floor. The distraction lets Orton send him into the steps to take over again as the dueling Cena chants begin. Orton tries to climb but Cena makes a fast save. The ladder is thrown to the floor and Orton headbutts him down. Some kicks to the ribs have Cena in trouble but he comes back with knees and right hands, only to walk into the powerslam.

Randy brings in another ladder but gets it rammed into his ribs, allowing Cena to climb. Orton quickly suplexes him down but misses a ladder shot, sending the ladder to the floor. That’s fine with Orton though as he cracks Cena in the back with a chair before wedging it into the corner. Cena blocks the shot into the chair and comes back with his finishing sequence, only to have Orton poke him in the eye and send him into the chair. Another ladder is brought in but Cena makes yet another save.

They both fight on the ladder until Cena throws Orton over the top and through the table. He can’t climb that fast though and Orton pulls him down for an RKO. Both guys are down again but it’s Cena up first with a clothesline to send him to the floor. Cena blasts Orton in the head with the steps and Randy might be busted a little bit. John brings in another table, giving us two tables in opposite corners. With all of the metal stuff at ringside, Orton hits Cena in the head with the microphone to take over again.

Orton loads up the announce table but instead clears out a path to Cena. John avoids the Punt though and catches Orton in an AA through the table to put both guys down again. Cena very slowly gets back in and grabs both belts without pulling them down. Instead it’s Orton shoving the ladder away to leave Cena hanging, allowing Orton a free shot with the chair. Cena comes right back with a spear through one of the tables and both guys are down again.

Randy heads outside again and starts peeling back the mats to find some hidden handcuffs. Cena gets tied to the bottom rope and Orton teases him with the key. This didn’t work at Breaking Point but call backs to old matches are usually fun. Cena tries to break the chain as Orton goes to pick up the big ladder for some shots to Cena’s ribs.

Randy goes back inside as Cena beats on the cuffs with a chair to no avail. Cena pulls hard enough to rip the bottom rope off and go up to knock Orton off the ladder but he only has one free arm due to the rope. Orton grabs the rope and uses the power of gravity to pull Cena down, sending him head first into the table which DOESN’T BREAK. That looked bad. Orton goes up again and pulls down both titles for the surprise win at 24:35.

Rating: B. I liked the match and the ropes idea was good, but that ending came out of nowhere. Given how badly Cena’s head went into that table, I wouldn’t be shocked if he had an actual injury. Orton winning makes more sense but I’m kind of shocked it was clean. Well as clean as you can get in a TLC match of course. Good stuff here but the ending leaves a lot of doors open.

Post match here’s the Authority and Vince to congratulate Orton with no drama to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show was about one match and the match delivered. The handicap matches both worked quite well too and the tag match ROCKED. It wasn’t a classic show or anything but it was much better overall than I expected. The ending sets up a lot of questions about where we’re going, but that makes things all the more interesting. Good show here and a solid ending to the year.

Results

CM Punk b. Shield – Punk pinned Ambrose after a spear from Reigns

AJ Lee b. Natalya – Small package

Big E. Langston b. Damien Sandow – Big Ending

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans, Big Show/Rey Mysterio and Ryback/Curtis Axel – Cross Rhodes to Mysterio

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Trouble in Paradise

Wyatt Family b. Daniel Bryan – Sister Abigail

Randy Orton b. John Cena – Orton pulled down the title belts

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In a TLC match.  There’s a catch though.HHH said they’re taking both belts and putting them above the ring.  That leaves two possible outs:

1. He never said the titles were on the line.  It was heavily implied but he never flat out said it.

2. It means one person could pull down one belt and the other pull down the second, keeping two champions.

Tables Ladders And Chairs 2009
Date: December 13, 2009
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 15,226
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker

So here we are as I finish off this string of shows and have everything from Night of Champions 09 to whatever show is the latest when you read this review. This show is about violence as we have FOUR gimmick matches: a ladder match, a table match, a chair match and a combo platter with a TLC match. This was a pretty weak looking card on paper but I had a lot of fun with this show. That being said, let’s wrap up this string of shows and get to it.

The video is about going through all of those weapons. Oddly enough just minutes before this, we heard that chair shots to the head are no longer legal under the Wellness Policy. Talk about irony. The set is cool as there are ladders hanging from the ceiling. I like that.

ECW Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

This is the ladder match. I had almost gotten to the point of being sure that Benjamin would be winning here. Ah sweet we have the three man commentary team now. That’s a great thing to have for the PPVs. Christian gets a solid pop. Dang man there are ladders EVERYWHERE. Why in the world would you ask Lawler about his strategy for a ladder match? Actually that’s good as that’s his job.

Cole has gotten better at setting him up with softball questions which is what King is there for. This should be very awesome. The ECW Title has never changed hands in Texas. Could be because ECW didn’t go to Texas that much but whatever. We hit the floor and Christian gets the BIG ladder. And that doesn’t work so there we are. He’s in the ring with a ladder first but something tells me this isn’t how the match ends and I’m right as Shelton makes the save.

If nothing else Shelton is one of the few people that truly impresses me in the ring at times. Not a lot of people have ever been able to do that but there are times when he has my jaw hanging open. Christian is busted open and I’m pretty sure it’s legit as a ladder fell on his head. Yeah that’s legit. And here’s a guy to check on him. Oh dear. The fans chant WE WANT BLOOD. I love modern crowds. There’s a Santa in the crowd. That’s cool if nothing else.

For no apparent reason Shelton climbs a ladder on the floor. Sure why not? And it’s table time now. Apparently not as Shelton sets up a ladder between the ring and the announce table. Something tells me I know what’s coming. Nothing happens with it yet as we’re back in the ring. Shelton sets for what would be a Stinger Splash but Christian just throws the ladder at him. Simple yet effective.

Crowd is WAY behind Christian. I’m not sure if I like them going with the big ladders here or not. I think I do but I’m not sure. Shelton gets up the ladder and Christian shoves him off very slowly, but Shelton lands on the top rope on his feet. Think about that for a minute. That’s amazing. I know there isn’t much to criticize here but it’s a solid match. Yeah those ladders hanging from the ceiling look awesome. Shelton with a powerslam from the top of the ladder that looks better than it sounds.

Shelton does the Jeff Hardy spot where he hangs from the belt. I’ve always found that stupid. Why not just unhook the stupid thing? Striker wants to know that too. Spotfests are fun. In a mostly cool looking spot, Shelton does that slingshot sunset flip into a powerbomb but Christian reverses into a hurricanrana. Nicely done but slightly botched which is understandable given the move they were trying to do. And now we get to the ladder they set up as a table earlier.

Shelton is trying to hit a German Suplex to Christian through the ladder but it’s blocked and Shelton lands on it. Christian dives through it and the ladder breaks. Has NOTHING on the Hardy/Edge version. Not a thing and the crowd is clearly not as into it as they wanted them to be. It ends the match though.

Rating: B+. Total spotfest but fun. It was missing that epic spot to make it legendary though. Still though, perfect choice for the opener and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: get the crowd into the show. Very entertaining match and I think I lowballed it here.

We recap DX vs. Chris Jericho from Raw where Show beat up DX with ease and Jericho ACTUALLY PINNED HHH! Oh never mind that was a different show.

Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison

McIntyre was somehow more bland here than he is now if you can believe that. He doesn’t have the sweet entrance yet either. Morrison gets the preteen girl pop. The slow-mo entrance is cool no matter what people say. Striker says it’s been 20 years since there had been a new IC Champion in Texas. That’s so wrong I don’t know where to start. We’ll ignore Rey at Mania 25 right?

Drew is dominating the early parts of the match so far which is expected. This is a far more traditional match than the previous one which comes off as a nice change of pace to me. McIntyre hits a reverse Alabama Slam. I like that. Striker calls it an Alabama Jam, which was Bobby Eaton’s top rope legdrop so that’s just wrong. We’re on the floor now as this has been a pretty decent match. Starship Pain kind of hits.

Cole and Striker actually aren’t sure if it did or not. That’s not a good sign at all. Drew’s foot is under the rope though so there you are. Striker cites the official’s handbook. I want to read that someday. Could be fun. Drew has a foreign object which makes sense for him and the double arm DDT ends Morrison’s reign.

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here. I liked McIntyre more because of this match as Morrison looked good in a loss which is all you can ask of him. I like the double arm DDT as it’s Foley’s move which makes it awesome. Morrison would be in a main event in two months so what more can you ask for?

Quick question: Cole says this is his first major singles title. What’s a minor singles title?

Promo for the Slammys. That show sucked.

Vince congratulates Drew but Josh interrupts…and Vince leaves? Ok then. Drew says it was inevitable. Sheamus shows up and says that was impressive but he’s going to win too.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Mickie Jamesvs. Michelle McCool

I think the Piggy James story just started. Ah yes it has. I liked that angle actually. Michelle looks a tad off here but she still looks decent. We get the Piggy James skit too to hammer this home. Dang Layla looks good too. Lawler points out the obvious: Mickie James is hot. Michelle has crosses on her outfit and Striker says she should be in the HOF. Ok then. We get a weird staredown from the floor to the ring. It’s weirder than it sounds.

This isn’t much at all as it’s your standard TV women’s match. They say the wrong name of the Bash, calling it the Great American version of it. You ethnocentric jerks! Boring match so far. Oh great now we’re on the floor. Who would want to be on the floor with one of these two? Yeah I hate this match. All I can do is look at the women here so there we are. And Layla interferes and Michelle gets the pin. Well at least it’s over now.

She just kicked her? It was a regular kick and that’s enough to get the pin? Cole, San Antonio isn’t the 2nd biggest city in Texas. last it can we get a competent announcer? Please? Oh. Apparently it is bigger than Dallas. Well Cole still sucks so there we are.

Rating: D-. Oh this was bad. I never once cared about this match at all and at least at the time it made no sense because of the Piggy James thing. Now to be fair by the end of it Mickie won…only to lose again. This was a horrible match though that sucked beyond belief. The only perk was the women so there we are.

Recap of Cena vs. Sheamus. Sheamus won a battle royal to get this match and it was deemed a tables match. I like it and at the time I actually had this little feeling that Sheamus would do it. I never said it because I believed it was nuts. Let’s get to it though. The booking here was nothing short of brilliant.

Everything both guy said was true and I totally bought into the whole thing. Rewatching this I’m totally buying into the build for it. That’s a great sign. Cena saying he can make Sheamus a footnote is a great line.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. John Cena

Oh man I’m actually fired up for this match. That’s impressive as that hardly ever happens to me on live show let alone ones that are three months old. We see an Irish newspaper with Sheamus in it. That’s just awesome. Oh there are also tables and chairs hanging from the ceilings. That really is a cool look. There’s the little kid pop for Cena. Love it. Love him or hate him, the guy gets a reaction everywhere he goes. Can’t beat that.

It’s big match intro time which really does help things out a lot I think. It makes you feel like you’re watching something special. I’m glad they never had Lawler follow up on getting kicked. Cole says the last foreign born WWE Champion was Yokozuna. Jericho and Edge think Cole is an idiot. Sheamus goes for a table after about 2 minutes. At least he gets to the point. His back is either bleeding or bruised badly.

Either way it has some color to it now. This is the first time Sheamus has ever really been tested so that’s something to keep in mind. Cena gets the first table out but no one goes through it. Back in the ring we get a tease of Cena going through the table as he’s on the apron and Sheamus pounds on him. The drama here is so simple yet it’s great. FU through the table is blocked.

The idea here is simple: Sheamus doesn’t have to pin him or get a tap or anything like that. He has to knock him down in the right spot. That’s brilliant booking when you think about it as it’s unrealistic that Sheamus could beat Cena clean yet, but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to put Cena through a table as he’s done it once before. In case you can’t tell, I like the idea of this match. FU is reversed again. This has been decent so far.

Actually it’s been more than decent as they’re fighting on the ramp now. Cena is ticked off now and it’s more interesting because of it. He’s a great character. Yeah I said it. Back in the ring and Cena has another table. I wonder how packed it is underneath that ring. There’s the pump kick from Sheamus and Cena is down. We’ve got a table in the ring now with Cena down. Make that in the corner but whatever. I’m digging this match.

Five Knuckle Shuffle hits. Sheamus throws the table out. Brilliant again. It’s not often that you see psychology in gimmick matches but that was a good bit of it there. Table in play again as you can feel the ending coming. Cena’s cardio is uncanny. It really is as they’ve been fighting almost 15 minutes and Cena is barely breathing hard.

With the table in the middle of the ring, Cena puts Sheamus on the top to set up the FU. You can feel the crowd being nervous here as Sheamus counters. Instead he goes for a suplex but it’s countered and Cena is shoved through the table and SHEAMUS WINS THE TITLE! I have never heard a crowd go that silent that fast. Love it.

Rating: A. Not for the quality of the match, but for the shock. To anyone that says Cena doesn’t put people over or that WWE doesn’t make any new stars, I give you Exhibit A. This was legit shocking and a legit upset. The Live Discussion I was in for the PPV came to a screeching halt when this happened. Great moment that did exactly what it was supposed to do. I loved this and it was a great moment. The kids being in shock is a great sight.

Cena leaves, completely shocked. He picks up a small piece of the table and slips it into his pocket and leaves to cheers, which is the name of the show I have on in the background oddly enough.

Promo for Tribute To The Troops which is just straight up cool.

Lawler tries to argue that Cena fell through rather than getting pushed which lasts all of 2 seconds.

Switchfoot did the theme song. Worst live band I’ve ever heard.

We recap Taker vs. Batista which is really just Batista’s heel turn and getting the shot through some win that meant nothing. Ok this recap is WAY too long.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

This is a chairs match, which means that chairs are legal. Holy crap what a stupid match idea that is. No one knew what it was leading up to the match as we couldn’t fathom that this was what it would be. We were wrong I guess. We immediately get to the stupidity of the rules. You can only win by pinfall or submission. Ok, cool. That means no DQ right? If you can’t lose by disqualification, that means there are no disqualifications right?

Well if that’s the case, why do chairs need to be deemed legal? If there are no disqualifications, doesn’t that mean that everything, including chairs are legal? If you can’t get disqualified then why are only chairs legal? Also, have you ever noticed that everyone Taker fights, Cole says they dominate the Undertaker like no other? In that case wouldn’t it mean they all dominate him the same? Maybe I’m thinking into this too much.

Batista belongs as a heel. That’s all there is to it. I have to say all this to kill time as both guys’ entrances take the better part of ever. Dude, someone light a fire on Taker to get him to the ring faster. It worked at Elimination Chamber so it’ll work here. Oddly enough Lawler talks about the flames on the way to the ring which is just amusing. Apparently Batista has been Taker’s toughest competition.

That would be Bret Hart who Taker never beat in a title match so there you are. Oh and remember: Batista is NOT afraid. This is BY FAR the longest intro to a match I’ve written in a long time. I like being all wordy like this again. Ok, NOW there can be countouts and DQs? Then why did the announcer say that you can only win by pinfall or submission? I hate WWE at times. That’s the nature of the beast though.

Oh apparently Batista beat Kane to be number one contender. Good to know I guess. Chairs are in play now. This is really just a no DQ match which is ok, but the chair thing is just kind of stupid when you think of it. It’s ok, but at the same time there’s just nothing special really. The ring sounds overly metallic tonight too. It’s not at the levels that The Wrestling Classic was at but it’s still loud.

There’s the spear which I think is growing on me from Batista. He’s got the size to pull it off if nothing else. Spinebuster onto a chair and Batista is WARRIORING UP! He goes for Taker but instead we get the Go Go Platypus from Taker. After some more stuff we get the most oversold low blow this side of Honky Tonk Man from Taker. And a chair shot from Batista…gives him the belt? Cue up Long. I can feel the Dusty Finish coming and there it is.

No music but he’s talking so it’s close enough. Long says pardon his interruption. Are they watching my TV or something as PTI is on now. Long of course says no title switch on the low blow. My head hurts. Restart the match. Tombstone ends it in about 30 seconds.

Rating: D. I did not like this match at all and the ending just killed it even worse than the match itself did. The rules were overly complicated and they should have gone with a chair on a pole or something match like that. This was by far and away the weakest in their usually very good series. Did not like this at all.

Naturally we get a ton of replays of what we just saw. Was Batista champion for a few seconds there? I’m not sure.

Ad for the really good Rumble from this current year.

For a change of pace, let’s recap something! This time it’s Kofi vs. Orton, which was a really good buildup to me. Also it got rid of Kofi’s stupid accent so that’s a perk. The car promo is still great. During this period, Kofi stopped being a goof and started being a credible worker. We also get the MSG Boom Drop which is awesome as all goodness still.

Kofi is in the back warming up and Legacy walks up to him. Yep this is pointless. And Kofi walks into Orton’s locker room. This is odd.

Mariachis are singing on the River Walk. That sounds like some weird code for something or other.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Randy is getting some slight pops at this point. I think I like Kofi’s weird starting stance. This feud got a decent build to it and I think this is their first full on match one on one. When I say full on I mean they had a short one on Raw that ended in a DQ which was just a few minutes long. I guess Orton has been around long enough to have a vintage. I love that snap powerslam he does if nothing else. Gah Scott Armstrong is the referee here.

I’m glad he’s gone if nothing else. In a SWEET sequence, Kofi catwalks up the steps to the apron up the buckles and then comes off the ropes with a dive to the floor but Orton hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs to block it. That was SWEET. I said SWEET twice. You could even say that was just….two….SWEET! Wow that was a bad pun. Back to the match I think. Orton kicks Kingston in the ribs a lot. Orton is getting more and more pops here and it’s odd to hear.

The pace of this match needs to pick up a bit and as I say that it begins to. Wow I have good timing. Boom Drop hits. The spin kick hits but Orton gets the ropes to a BIG reaction, so the crowd is into this at least. Out of nowhere Orton hits the elevated DDT. Wouldn’t Kofi’s hair block some of that? The Punt is blocked. Dive on the ball you idiots! Another Trouble In Paradise misses to set up the RKO for the ending.

Rating: B-. Good here but not great. Kingston looked good in losing as the whole story leading up to this was about him shedding his goofy image and it worked very well. Kingston wasn’t ready to beat Orton clean so that’s good I think. I liked it but it felt a bit flat. I think it was because this was added 6 days prior to the show so it kind of felt like filler. Still good though.

Don’t try this at home.

Batista is mad at Long and threatens him. He’s right too. Long, don’t try to act. You’re really bad at it.

Watch the awful Slammys tomorrow!

Unified Tag Titles: Degeneration X vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show

No recap here. Odd. Hmm let’s see. DX, the most ridiculously over tag team in the better part of ever in Shawn’s hometown main eventing a PPV that the main event is named after for titles they’ve never won. Yeah my money is on the champions too. In case you need a recap, they just don’t like each other. There’s your recap. I think I like Striker saying “In this analyst’s opinion.” It’s different if nothing else.

And now that they’re broken up, I like Jerishow’s music. This really was the only choice for the main event given the name of the show. Lawler points out the weight issues that Show is going to have with the ladder which is true. Table is brought in first. This really is a star studded main event. I think Show has the fewest world titles with what, 4-5? Or is it Shawn with 4? Either way, that’s saying a heck of a lot.

Yeah not counting the ECW Title as a world title, it’s Show with 4 and Shawn with 4 so you could go with Show ahead with the ECW Title as back then you could argue it was a world title. Even still it’s quite impressive. Naturally the first few minutes aren’t worth much but what do you expect really? HHH has a Pedigree countered on the ramp and all four of them are up there now.

Jericho and Shawn have a chair duel which is fun for a Zorro fan like me. It’s nice to see big stars get into matches like this. I like it if nothing else. The ring looks odd on an HD feed. You might notice I’m not talking about the match much but at this point there’s not much to talk about. DX suplexes a ladder onto Jericho in a cool spot. I love how they say it’s Shawn’s ladder match experience that tells him where to put the ladder.

I’d call it common sense myself but that’s just me. Shawn does a Flair Flip into HHH who is in the corner and hanging upside down from a ladder. Only in wrestling would that sound anything close to normal. In a SICK spot, HHH just throws a ladder over the top rope and hits Jericho in the head with it. Not quite to the level of Kane and Umaga with the steps but close enough I guess. It’s secondary finishers a go-go as Show is the only one left. He sets up a ladder but HHH gets him with a chair shot.

Show just shakes it off. I love that. DX stops his next attempt and hits a double Pedigree. HHH busts out a powerbomb to save the match. That’s a new one from him I think. And Show breaks the ladder. Thank you Striker for making sense of it: now DX can’t climb it. I don’t think I would have gotten that otherwise, and that’s not sarcasm. Oh wait: there’s more than one ladder, making that whole sequence TOTALLY POINTLESS.

The ladder is literally in two pieces. That’s freaking scary when you think about it since Show ripped it up by himself. In a cute spot, Jericho gets on Show’s shoulders but DX is waiting on them. Shawn gets up and kicks the defenseless Show, sending Jericho over the top rope and HEAD FIRST into a table.

That was one of the most painful looking bumps I have ever seen period. It’s a creative ending if nothing else. Now, using a little thing called common sense, HHH holds up the half of the ladder and Shawn climbs it. See why being a heel is bad now? It makes you stupid. Massive posing ends the show.

Rating: B. This was a bit weaker, but the right ending happened which is always a good sign. This sent the fans home happy and ended JeriShow’s reign properly. I’m not wild on the match itself, but it did what it was supposed to do so it gets a solid grade for it. There were some decent spots too and it’s far from a bad match, just not a great one.

OverallRating: B+. I really liked this show. I liked it a lot actually. I think I can safely call this the best of the “gimmick” shows so far as the whole night was about violence and how the gimmicks change things, such as with the Sheamus match. This had a good bit of everything in it and it came off as great to me.

The Divas match was weak but even still it had hot women and was relatively short. The Chair match is bearable I guess and Taker fans will like it. Still, 5/7 is a solid rating and I liked just about everything on this whole card. Definitely worth checking out as it’s a good show and a great ending to the year.

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