Cruiserweight Classic
Date: August 10, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Daniel Bryan

We’ve hit the second round as the field has shrunk to sixteen competitors. This is where things start to get more interesting as a lot of the people who came in with no chance have been eliminated, leaving us with matches between more realistic options. Only two matches have been announced for tonight but there could be extras to go with them. Let’s get to it.

We open with a music video recap of the first round.

Opening sequence.

The announcers talk about the tournament for a few moments.

Corey Graves previews tonight’s show.

Gran Metalik is here to represent Mexico.

Tajiri has been around for a long time but wants to make one more run.

Second Round: Gran Metalik vs. Tajiri

Mexico vs. Japan. They trade some fast armdrags and legsweeps to start and it’s an early stalemate. Tajiri takes him to the mat for a reverse Koji Clutch but gets reversed into an ankle lock. Now it’s time to trade rollups as they’re mirroring each other so far. Metalik sends him outside but Tajiri runs inside again and hits a quick kick to set up a chinlock. That goes into a headscissors on Metalik before it turns into a slugout with Metalik getting the better of it off an enziguri.

Tajiri goes outside again and that means it’s time for Gran to walk the ropes into a flip dive for a huge crash. Back in and a top rope elbow gets two on Tajiri but he goes back to the kicks for a break. Metalik gets put in the Tree of Woe for the basement dropkick. A powerbomb gets two more for Tajiri before he grabs a sunset flip but goes to the side, leans back and pulls on Metalik’s head for a submission attempt. Metalik escapes and ducks another kick, setting up the Metalik Screwdriver (Samoan Driver) to advance at 10:54.

Rating: B. This was exactly why you bring in someone like Tajiri: he has a resume, the fans know who he is and he can still go. Metalik is a stranger to most of these people but now he’s beaten a former multiple time Cruiserweight Champion to give him some credibility with people not so familiar with him. The booking and structure of the match were both perfect and the execution being strong was a bonus. Very well done here.

Cedric Alexander is here to prove he’s the best.

Kota Ibushi is a star in Japan and wants to be one in America as well.

Second Round: Kota Ibushi vs. Cedric Alexander

Japan vs. America. They start fast as well with Ibushi knocking him to the mat but Cedric is smart enough to not run in again. Back up and Cedric grabs an armbar for a bit before Ibushi comes back up and turns on the speed again. A sunset flip gets two for Kota before he stops playing and just blasts Cedric in the chest with a big kick.

Kota heads to the apron and chops Cedric in the face (Isn’t that a slap?) to set up a springboard dropkick. A moonsault to the floor misses though and Cedric nails a running flip dive. Back in and a great looking top rope clothesline gets two on Kota. They chop it out again before Kota hits the loudest dropkick I’ve heard in years. Ibushi fires off even more rapid strikes and gets two off a standing corkscrew moonsault.

An exploder suplex sends Cedric to the floor and now Ibushi hits the big moonsault dive to the floor. Fans: “FIGHT FOREVER!” A Michinoku Driver gets two for Cedric and he one ups himself by landing on his feet to counter a super Frankensteiner. Now it’s a brainbuster for two more, almost immediately followed by a hard kick to Kota’s head for an even closer two. Kota drops him on his head with a German suplex and the Golden Star Powerbomb sends Ibushi to the second round at 14:56.

Rating: A. WOW that was fun. This match felt like it was going on for the better part of an hour and I was stunned when it wasn’t even fifteen minutes long. Cedric has won me over here as I wasn’t the biggest fan of his ROH stuff but was blown away by his performance tonight. Absolutely incredibly action packed match here and a complete spectacle from bell to bell. Check this match out for sure, which isn’t something I’ll often say.

Bryan previews next week’s matches but we cut back to the arena where Cedric gets a standing ovation. Fans: “PLEASE SIGN CEDRIC!” Alexander starts crying and HHH comes out to congratulate him as well. He gives the fans a thumbs up which might mean they get what they want.

Overall Rating: A+. The first round grew on me over time but this was the show where they jumped to the next level. It’s rare enough to see one amazing match like this and we got two of them in about forty five minutes. I was amazed by this stuff and the final could be the match of the year almost no matter what combination we get. Watch this show and keep watching

Results

Gran Metalik b. Tajiri – Metalik Screwdriver

Kota Ibushi b. Cedric Alexander – Golden Star Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Another year another Summerslam and yet again the company has changed. Tonight we have a double main event with a Wrestlemania rematch of Lesnar vs. Angle II for the Smackdown Title and an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw Title. 2003 was split down the middle in quality as Raw was atrocious and Smackdown was some of the best television in company history. It’s always interesting to see the two shows come together. Let’s get to it.

The US Marine Corps presents the American flag while Lillian sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video talks about how there is evil in this world and the Chamber tonight will prove it.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

The Dudleyz are challenging and the EVIL foreigners are Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier. Bubba of course comes out with an American flag to hammer in the face status. The whole patriotism thing was a big deal in this feud as the third member of La Resistance, an American named Rob Conway, pretended to be a soldier to sneak up on the Dudleyz. It’s a brawl to start in the aisle with the challengers in full control.

D-Von chokes Dupree with the robe to start before armbarring Grenier down. A slam and a legdrop gets two on Sylvain and it’s off to Bubba for the power brawling. He puts Grenier in the Tree of Woe and stands on his crotch to make the French guy scream. The Dudleys clear the ring but Grenier gets in a cheap shot to give the champions control on Bubba. A double shoulder puts Bubba down for two as the USA chant starts up.

Back to Dupree for a bearhug, which isn’t often a move you see on a fat man like Bubba. Some headbutts break up hold but Bubba walks into a spinebuster for two. Bubba punches his way over to the hot tag (four minutes into the match) and D-Von cleans house. A rollup gets two on Grenier as everything breaks down. D-Von walks into a double spinebuster for two but it’s What’s Up to Dupree. The 3D lays out Dupree but Grenier makes save. Now a cameraman lays out D-Von with a camera to the head to retain the titles. It’s Rob Conway of course.

Rating: D+. That’s a pretty lame choice for an opener. Not only did the fans not get what they wanted but the match sucked as well. This was a dark time for the tag team division and there was no reason at all for there to be two sets of titles at this point. At the end of the day there wasn’t nearly enough depth and it made for lame matches like this. The Dudleys would get the belts next month.

Spike tries to run in for the save but Conway lays him out with the camera. Conway hasn’t been named here but I think the spoiler is ok at this point.

Coach says La Resistance was clever so Bubba accuses him of being anti-American and vows to get the belts back.

Eric Bischoff is warming up when Intercontinental Champion Christian comes up. He wants to know why he isn’t on the show but Bischoff blames Co-GM Steve Austin. Christian isn’t pleased but offers to be in Eric’s corner for his match later. Bischoff says he has his own plan and won’t answer what happens in the bedroom with Linda. Eric says he’ll tell everyone later.

We recap A-Train vs. Undertaker. A-Train (Tensai) is working for Vince who is in a semi-war with Taker, setting up tonight’s match. This would evolve into a bigger war soon enough.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

A-Train comes out with Vince’s mistress Sable and Undertaker has bad ribs. Feeling out process to start with A-Train grabbing a few headlocks for early control. Taker hits a quick Russian legsweep for two and he cranks on the arm to set up Old School. The second attempt works a bit better and Taker stays on the arm. A big boot misses and Taker falls out to the floor, reinjuring the ribs.

A-Train starts pounding away on the ribs and sends them into the barricade for two back in the ring. Taker gets in some shots to the ribs of his own for a breather but A-Train comes back with an impressive suplex to take him down. This is the kind of character A-Train was perfect as: a heavy who could do some impressive moves at times. A-Train fights out of a sleeper with a belly to back suplex but Taker hits a quick Snake Eyes to get a breather. A big boot misses the big bald head and a double clothesline puts each other down.

Taker wins a slugout after A-Train hung in there a lot longer than expected. Now the big boot sets up the legdrop (BROTHER) for two and another legdrop to the back of the head with A-Train on the apron has the bald one staggered. The Last Ride is easily broken up but the referee is bumped.

A-Train hits the Derailer (chokebomb) but the delayed count only gets two. Taker accidentally clotheslines the referee down again (the second match does NOT warrant two ref bumps) and A-Train brings in a chair, only to have it cracked over his own head for a near fall. A-Train escapes a tombstone but gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What are you expecting out of this match? This was back when Taker was pretty bad in the ring due to being completely unmotivated and bored with the biker character. Thankfully he would be the Dead Man again by Wrestlemania and would eventually reignite his career around 2007.

Post match Sable tries to seduce Taker for some reason but Stephanie comes in to go after her, presumably setting up a mixed tag.

Coach polls some fans on who wins the Chamber.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff. Shane was feuding with Kane but Bischoff stopped them from fighting. Austin made Bischoff vs. Shane for that night but Kane interfered and cost Shane the match (he later tied Shane to the steps and electrocuted his testicles. It was stupid back then and it’s even worse now. This is what I had to deal with people).

Later, Bischoff caused JR to nearly be lit on fire, so Austin had to prevent a lawsuit by making Kane vs. Bischoff but Kane walked away for some reason, giving Bischoff the win by countout. This was a qualifying match for a Summerslam match with Kane, making our match tonight. Then Bischoff went to Linda’s house and pinned her arm behind her back and kissed her against her will.Think that’s enough to set up this match?

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Eric implies that he screwed Linda several times over that night. This brings out Shane to send Eric into the corner for a beating. Crossface punches send Bischoff to the floor but Shane clotheslines him in the back of the head. Back to ringside and Shane breaks the referee’s count (sidebar: why doesn’t that happen when both guys are on the floor and one guy slides back in at the last second?) before kicking away at Shane even more.

Bischoff is sent into the announce table and stomped down, only to have Coach come in with a chair and turning heel by helping Bischoff. The referee says ring the bell but Bischoff makes it No DQ and falls count anywhere. Shane is sent into the steps for two as Coach is playing the enforcer here. He holds Shane as Bischoff tells the production truck to turn off JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do commentary.

Bischoff starts firing off kicks as Coach does the eternally annoying JR impersonation. This keeps going for awhile until Shane gets in a right hand, only to be dropped by a low blow from Coach. Cue Steve Austin who can’t fight unless physically provoked. Shane shoves Coach into Austin which is enough for the beating to begin. Austin and Shane stomp Coach down in the corner and clear the ring. Austin has the mics turned back on as Shane grabs Eric’s hand and uses it to slap Austin’s face, meaning Austin can Stun Bischoff. That’s not good enough or Shane so he puts Eric on the table for the big elbow for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a long segment instead of a match. Also to recap how stupid things were at this point, we’re supposed to be interested in Austin/Shane vs. Coach/Bischoff when Austin has equal power to Eric. We also have Stephanie vs. Sable, because EVERYONE wants to see the McMahons dominating the show. This is in addition to Evolution dragging Raw down the drain with the Kevin Nash and Goldberg feuds. See why 2003 is considered so bad?

Wrestlemania moment. Kind of an odd time for one of these but Shawn superkicking Bret was an awesome moment.

We see Kevin Nash getting ready. JR: “Nash is a street fighter at heart.” I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

Flair and HHH tell Orton to keep the title on the Game tonight and nothing more.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Eddie has ticked off all three challengers so they all want to take him out. The champion bails to the floor so everyone else can fight and we quickly get down to Rhyno vs. Benoit. Chris hooks a quick Crossface, drawing Eddie in for the save. Tajiri is back in as well but Eddie breaks up a cover. Everyone is in now and all three challengers go after Eddie at the same time.

Rhyno hits a running shoulder to Eddie’s ribs in the corner and powerslams him down for two but Benoit comes back with a German suplex. A belly to back gets two on Tajiri but Eddie makes another save. Benoit is suplexed to the floor and Eddie is left alone with Tajiri, only to have the challenger monkey flip Eddie down for two. Rhyno comes back in and sends Tajiri to the floor but Benoit wants to beat up Eddie himself, triggering a brawl between challengers.

Rhyno gets control again and superplexes Eddie down for two but Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head. Tajiri snaps off the handspring elbow for two on Chris but Rhyno sends Tajiri to the floor, only to have Eddie headscissor him out to the floor. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit out of the corner for two and it’s Tajiri in again for some hard kicks. Eddie hooks the Lasso From El Paso (Liontamer crossed with the Texas Cloverleaf) on Tajiri but Benoit stops Rhyno from making the save with the Crossface.

Tajiri makes the ropes so Eddie turns around to dropkick Benoit in the head for the save. Benoit grabs the Crossface on Guerrero but Rhyno and Tajiri make the double save. Rhyno hits a spinebuster for two on Tajiri but Benoit knocks Rhyno to the floor. Chris rolls some Germans on Tajiri but Tajiri reverses into one of his own for two on Benoit.

Tajiri catches a charging Benoit in the Tarantula and the distraction lets Eddie get the US Title to shield himself from Rhyno’s Gore. Tajiri breaks up the Frog Splash but gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Benoit Swan Dives Rhyno but Tajiri makes a last second save. Tajiri and Benoit fall to the floor and Eddie frog splashes Rhyno to retain.

Rating: B+. This was non-stop action for about eleven minutes and incredibly entertaining as a result. It’s a great example of how wrestling and action can be so much more interesting than whatever drama the McMahons have going on at the moment. Watching these four make save after save is WAY more fun than hearing about Bischoff forcing himself on Linda or Stephanie being FURIOUS with Sable over whatever affair her dad is having this month.

We recap Brock Lesnar destroying Zack Gowen on Smackdown (good for him). Lesnar had him COVERED in blood and rubbed the blood on his own chest. Gowen had his leg broken in two places so he couldn’t face Matt Hardy tonight. Matt declared himself the winner on Heat like a good heel would.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Angle lost to Brock in the main event of Wrestlemania, leading to Vengeance where Angle pinned Lesnar in a three way to get the title back. The two of them became best friends and friendly rivals, leading to Brock wanting a rematch. Vince said no, but if Lesnar can beat Vince in a cage with Angle as referee, he can have the shot. Before the match, someone attacked Brock and laid him out with a concussion. Brock popped up and turned on Angle, revealing that he’s working for Vince as the new heavy and getting the title shot for tonight. Vince called this the REAL Brock Lesnar.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending of course. Brock shoves him in the corner to show off the power so Angle starts getting lower. They hit the technical stuff on the mat but Brock escapes into a standoff. Brock quickly takes him down with a headscissors but it’s Angle escaping to another stalemate. Lesnar shoves him around with the power so Angle leverages him into the corner and says bring it on. Some quick armdrags send Brock out to the floor and various things are destroyed in frustration.

Lesnar picks up the belt and tries to walk out with it but Kurt pounds him down in the aisle to start the brawling. Back in and Angle snaps off the first overhead belly to belly for two before stomping him down in the corner. Brock comes right back with a gorilla press and throws Angle out to the floor. Angle is sent into the steps as this is far different from the Wrestlemania match. Back in and Brock hits a release belly to belly without leaving his feet.

Angle slips out of another gorilla press and gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. We hit the rear naked choke on Angle which is turned into a bodyscissors. Angle fights up but runs into a knee to the ribs to put him right back down. Kurt is pounded into the corner but grabs a rollup for two, only to be clotheslined back down. The story of this match isn’t working as well as their first fight. This is much more of a traditional wrestling match with good vs. evil and that’s not what these two are best at.

Lesnar comes right back with something like a Muscle Buster for two, followed up by shoulders to the ribs in the corner. Brock sends him into the corner to stay on the ribs and back before firing off more shoulders in the corner. Angle finally moves to avoid a charge, sending Brock shoulder first into the post. A dropkick takes Brock’s knee out and Angle rolls some Germans for a close two. Brock comes back with an overhead belly to belly of his own but Angle pops up and tries the Slam, only to be countered into a spinebuster for a close two. The fans are into this match.

Angle counters an F5 into a DDT and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two for the champion and there go the straps. The Angle Slam connects but Brock is up at two as per tradition. In one of my favorite moments, Angle puts the straps up so he can take them back down, firing himself up even more. There’s the ankle lock but Brock makes a rope. Angle pulls him back so the rope doesn’t count in a questionable call, so Lesnar rolls out, bumping the referee in the process.

Lesnar sends him into the corner and Angle tries a sunset flip but stops before going down, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck in a choke before putting on another ankle lock. Lesnar eventually taps but there’s no referee so here’s Vince with a chair to Angle’s back to break the hold. Brock gets to his one good foot and hits a pretty awesome one legged F5 for a delayed two. Vince demands another F5 but Angle counters into the ankle lock. Brock grabs the rope but again Angle pulls him to the middle for no break. Brock grabs all four bottom ropes but the referee doesn’t break it, forcing Brock to tap out.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but the ending never worked for me. At the end of the day, if you touch the ropes the hold is supposed to be broken. That’s wrestling 101, but for some reason it doesn’t count at the end of this match. The match was good but it was overbooked when you have these two being able to own whatever ring they’re in. The Vince stuff was annoying but that’s what you have to expect in WWE.

Post match Vince tries to jump Angle again but gets Angle Slammed through a chair for his efforts. And on Vince’s birthday too.

Goldberg is listening to an iPod to get ready. That’s such a wrong image.

Some Arizona Diamondbacks are here.

We recap Kane vs. RVD. They had been friends and tag champions but Kane lost a match to HHH, forcing him to unmask. This unleashed Kane’s inner demons for the 10^th time or so, turning him into a psycho who lit JR on fire. Kane swore everyone was laughing at him even though RVD told him everything was fine. Kane beat up RVD in a match and tombstoned Linda McMahon on a stage to start his feud with Shane, leading to a rematch with Rob here tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Fink says this is No Holds Barred. So does that make Kane Zeus? JR calls Kane an inbred mongrel dog, which isn’t that high up on his list of sayings. Van Dam fires off right hands to start but Kane takes him to the floor with a few uppercuts. Kane charges into a boot and gets kicked in the face to put the monster down. Kane easily slugs him down and pulls out a ladder. Van Dam manages to smash the end of it to drive the ladder into Kane’s face, only to have Rolling Thunder caught by the throat.

RVD kicks out of the chokeslam but gets knocked out to the floor as the brawl continues. Kane sends him into the steps and is in full on monster mode. Back in and Van Dam scores with a kick and some shoulders to the ribs for two. Rob goes up top but gets shoved down onto the barricade to give Kane control again. A ladder to the face gets two back in the ring and a big clothesline puts Van Dam down again.

We hit the slow motion part of the match as Kane pounds on Van Dam very slowly to stop the crowd from being interested. Van Dam is backdropped to the floor but Kane badly botches the top rope clothesline, nearly falling on his head and dying. Kane avoids another ladder shot and DDTs Van Dam on he floor, only to have Rob catch a charging Kane in a drop toehold to send him face first into the steps. Kane is kicked into the crowd and crotched as he tries to come back to ringside.

Van Dam’s spin kick off the apron puts Kane down again as this match just keeps going. Back in and Rolling Thunder onto the chair crushes Kane but Rob can’t follow up. Kane sits up but gets caught by a Van Daminator. Rob loads up the Van Terminator but Kane rolls away at the last second. They head to the floor and Kane tombstones Rob onto the steps, killing him dead for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was an ok brawl but it went on WAY too long. At the end of the day this was just a rest stop on the way to Kane vs. Shane next month which was probably the more interesting feud anyway. The match was Van Dam trying his best but not being able to keep Kane down. It certainly wasn’t a squash but it wasn’t many steps above one.

Eric is annoyed that Terri is asking him questions. Linda comes in and slaps Bischoff in the face.

HHH looks at the world title.

The Chamber is lowered.

We recap the world title match. There isn’t much to this other than HHH is injured and can’t fight Goldberg one on one so we get an Elimination Chamber instead. Goldberg is in for obvious reasons, Jericho and Nash have been feuding lately, Orton is there to give HHH a hand and Shawn is there for past issues with HHH. This gets the music video treatment, set to St. Anger by Metallica.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

After about 12 minutes of entrances we start with Shawn vs. Jericho, who will go for three minutes. After that time is up, a pod will open to release another wrestler. Three more minutes and another pod opens. This repeats until everyone is in and it’s last man standing wins. Eliminations can occur at any time and have to take place in the ring, not on the cage floor outside the ring next to the pods. They trade hammerlocks to start until Jericho rolls through a cross body for two.

They trade chain wrestling moves into a pinfall reversal sequence as the fans chant for Goldberg. Back up and Shawn slaps him in the face before backdropping him down. Jericho’s Walls attempt is countered into a small package for two but Jericho comes back with a bulldog to take Shawn down. JR screws up the world title continuity by saying the title has only changed hands once in Phoenix, but that’s the other world title. Not that it matters to WWE but they make such a big deal about the continuity that it’s worth pointing out.

Anyway Orton is #3 and gets two off a high cross to Shawn. Michaels is clotheslined to the cage floor but he comes back in to pound away on Jericho. Randy dropkicks him down and stomps Jericho down against the ropes but can’t RKO Shawn. Instead Orton is sent to the cage floor by a combined effort, only to have Jericho put Shawn in the Walls. Kevin Nash is in at #4 to make the save and go after Jericho as Shawn and Orton brawl in the ring. Jericho’s face is rubbed against the cage to give us our first blood.

Nash (with short blonde hair here for a movie) cleans house but walks into a superkick into a rollup for the pin by Jericho. Nash was in there about two minutes or so. HHH is #5 but Shawn superkicks him before he can get out of the pod to make sure the injured champion doesn’t have to do much. Nash lays out Jericho, Orton and Shawn with Jackknives, leaving everyone down for a massive dead spot. Shawn is busted as well.

They finally get back up to slug it out as JR talks about Oklahoma for no apparent reason. Here’s Goldberg at #6 to FINALLY wake the crowd up a bit. He cleans house and clotheslines Jericho and Shawn down before spearing Orton down for the pin, leaving us with four. Jericho hits a quick missile dropkick for two on Goldberg but he launches Chris into the cage to put him back down.

Goldberg sends Shawn into the corner before spearing Jericho through the glass pod. Goldberg is dazed though, allowing Shawn to drop the elbow to set up Sweet Chin Music. This is Goldberg though so the kick is blocked by a spear and the Jackhammer gets us down to three. A quick spear and Jackhammer to Jericho leaves us with HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH is still in the pod as he’s been in the match for about six minutes now and literally hasn’t done anything.

Flair shoves the pod door closed to save HHH so Goldberg kicks the pod door in so we can actually have a match. Goldberg pounds away in the pod before sending HHH face first into the cage. The champion is busted open but he FINALLY gets in a kick to the leg and sends Goldberg into the cage. Goldberg comes right back with a clothesline and they head into the ring. The spear is loaded up but hits the sledgehammer that Flair slid in, keeping the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work very well and the ending sums up everything wrong with Raw in 2003. The fans were primed for a Goldberg title win, HHH was injured and had no business being in the match anyway, Goldberg dominated the match, HHH literally hit two offensive moves in ten minutes of match time, but HHH uses the sledgehammer to retain the title. Yeah Goldberg got the title a month later, but THIS is the match people remember because THIS is the big show. HHH wins at the big show, the monster wins the next month at the B show. Does this sound familiar to fans in 2013?

As for the rest of the match, there’s nothing going on here. It’s less than twenty minutes long from bell to bell and the three minute intervals really hold this down. No one had time to do anything, making it more like the 1995 Rumble than anything else. It’s just not very good and the ending sucked whatever life it had out of the match. Again, 2003 Raw just wasn’t that good and this match sums up why.

Post match HHH and Evolution gets to destroy Goldberg again with the hammer to really pound in who is the star. Goldberg is handcuffed to the cage so HHH can shove the belt in his face and remind him who the champion is to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s some good stuff on here but the HHH factor drags it down again. I’ve said this a lot tonight but 2003 just wasn’t a good year overall. It’s a bunch of matches and feuds that people don’t want to see but we have the same McMahon nonsense over and over again because WWE is their playground and they can do whatever they like. Over on Raw HHH gets to keep the title FOREVER despite being hurt and having beasts like Benoit and Guerrero waiting in the wings to be the next guys. Did they pan out in the end? No, but at this point no one knew that was the case and HHH got the title as a result.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: C

Redo: D+

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

Redo: N/A

Tajiri vs. Rhyno vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: B

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Goldberg vs. HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C

So I liked almost all of the matches more or the same the first time, but the overall rating is much higher this time. Not surprising.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 23, 2004
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Hey it’s another request that I’m finally getting to. This is a fairly big week as Randy Orton was thrown out of Evolution last week and it’s time to hear not only why (shouldn’t be that complicated) but what happens next. On top of that we have Kane and Lita getting married in another step in a bizarre story. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of Orton being thrown out of Evolution.

Opening sequence. I miss Across the Nation as the theme song.

We start things off with the Raw Diva Search and they’re all in swimsuits to really hammer the point home. If nothing else this really shows the difference between ten years ago and what we see today as this would NEVER be allowed on Raw today. They get right to the point with Tracy (like most of their names matter) being eliminated in sixth place.

Now for tonight’s task: everyone will have two minutes to talk about how great the Coach is but Coach thinks five would be more appropriate…..but here’s the Rock to interrupt in a surprise. Rock gives Coach five seconds to get out and he barely gets out at four and a half. That leaves Rock and the five remaining Divas and Rock seems to approve. He also thinks the women are all wet (with perspiration) before saying that Lillian Garcia (looking even better than usual tonight) is a Raw Diva. She used to have a real job at the sperm bank but got fired for drinking on the job.

Rock asks which one is Carmella (while slipping in a line that he hasn’t been watching the show) because the rest of the girls hate her. Back in the day no one liked him either so she needs to stick to her guns here. Not that it matters what she thinks of course. Rock mocks a contest a few weeks back where the girls had to make ice cream cones because no one wants to see them do that. What Rock wants to see is these women eating pie.

This brings out Tajiri with some pies, which he just happened to have on hand. Now we have a table and it’s going to be a pie eating contest. Everyone has twenty seconds to eat pie in whatever way they want, but first Rock mocks some fans and asks Tajiri what is his favorite type of pie. Fan: “SUSHI!”

This just keeps going with Joy going first and insulting Carmella instead of eating. Amy goes second and Rock won’t even let her near a mic. Instead she slowly licks the pie out of the pan and keeps going after the clock runs out. Carmella rubs it on herself and teases a way too excited Tajiri. Maria eats her pie with her fingers and licks it a bit, leaving a drop on her nose for effect. Last up is Christy…..who sits on the pie. You can see the pain on Rock’s face as he goes through this.

In case this hasn’t gone on long enough, here are Coach with Raw Tag Team Champions La Resistance with promises of a Chinese beating (in honor of the Japanese Tajiri). The heels hit the ring and actually beat Rock down for a bit until Rhyno (Tajiri’s partner) comes out for the save. Coach challenges Rock and gets the usual to end this opening segment after an unthinkable TWENTY FOUR MINUTES. The only entertaining thing here was Rock riffing on how stupid it was and making it clear that he doesn’t actually watch Raw.

Kane, in his ring gear, arrives with his suit in a bag.

We recap Evolution turning on Randy Orton and throwing him off the team last week.

The remaining members of Evolution are in the back. Batista has delivered an ultimatum to Orton for later tonight.

Kane comes in to see a disgusted Lita and promises that nothing will ruin this wedding tonight. The wedding will be an all white affair to signify the purity of his child. He even has a dress for her.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Edge is defending and we have the first match starting about forty minutes into the show. Edge came back from injury a few months ago and it’s quite as popular as he was before he left. Jericho grabs a quickly broken hammerlock to start but is easily able to low bridge Edge to the floor. Back from a break with Edge chopping in the corner but eating a top rope elbow to the jaw for a near fall. A DDT gets the same for the champ but Jericho sidesteps the spear and grabs the Walls, only to have Edge reverse into a rollup to retain.

Not so fast though as the referee caught Jericho’s feet in the ropes, meaning we’re going to continue after a break. Back with Jericho missing a dropkick but hitting a running enziguri. The running bulldog looks to set up the Lionsault but Edge rolls away because he’s seen a Jericho match before. The Edge-O-Matic (I still love that move) gets two and sets up a high cross body with Jericho rolling through for a near fall of his own. Edge gets caught in the Walls he makes the rope for the quick break. Back up and Edge “accidentally” crotches Jericho and that’s a DQ with Edge hitting the spear just after the bell.

Rating: B. I was liking this one while it lasted but it was a storyline ending instead of anything conclusive. Edge would lose the title due to an injury (I’m shocked too) soon after this and would come back as a mega heel instead of the same bland face that he had been since coming back. Jericho on the other hand would continue to just float around until he would leave in about a year.

Here’s Evolution for their big address on the Orton issue. HHH says he doesn’t believe in destiny because every choice you make has a consequence. Orton was someone who was destined for greatness and chose to stand side by side with the greatest talent of all time. Then he chose to go on for himself instead of just softening Chris Benoit up like he was supposed to.

That sealed his fate because the World Title belongs to HHH and everyone knows it. Last week the confetti fell and it was just like sand in an hourglass because Orton’s time was up. The beating last week was just a warning though because Orton has his choice now. Orton can come out here and lay down to make HHH the champion that he’s supposed to be again. If Orton lets it go, Evolution will forget about him and let him live. There is no choice when it comes to the World Heavyweight Championship and it’s as simple as life and death.

This brings out Orton to Evolution music and a referee soon follows. Orton starts to hand over the title but pulls it back and spits in HHH’s face. A belt shot knocks HHH down and Orton bails before Flair and Batista and use his limbs as drumsticks. This story really should have turned Orton into one of the biggest stars in the company but instead HHH got the title back in less than three weeks, allegedly so there could be three face challengers for Taboo Tuesday. Seriously. That was the official justification HHH gave for wanting the title back so soon. Taboo Tuesday, which Orton headlined anyway.

Victoria is trying to get Eric Bischoff to call off the wedding but HHH interrupts and yells a lot. HHH gets a rematch for the title at Unforgiven. That’s what you get for beating Eugene at Summerslam.

William Regal vs. Ric Flair

This should be interesting. Speaking of Eugene, he’s in Regal’s corner here and this is fallout from Flair interfering in the HHH vs. Eugene match. Regal runs him over to start and it’s strange to see him as the (likely) stronger wrestler. Flair starts firing off some chops but gets uppercut and backdropped for his efforts. That means a Flair Flop but Ric is able to send Regal outside for more chops. Another backdrop on the floor has Flair in trouble and we take a break.

Back with Flair dropping back to back knees to the head for two. Regal fires off the uppercuts and forearms in the corner before slamming Flair off the top. Batista finally remembers he’s at ringside and hits Regal in the back to set up the Figure Four. Now it’s Eugene offering a distraction so Regal can turn the hold over. Batista goes after Eugene but here’s Benoit to chop Batista, allowing both guys to pull out brass knuckles. Regal is a bit quicker though and knocks Flair out for the pin and a pretty big upset.

Rating: C+. This was the kind of hard hitting match you would expect from these two, even though Flair was only doing signature stuff at this point. Regal always seemed like someone who might turn into a huge deal but he was happy to just be a cool midcarder who had almost unlimited respect.

We get a Smackdown Rebound, including JBL in a neck halo with his cowboy hat on top. Why this man isn’t in the Hall of Fame completely eludes me. We also saw Rey Mysterio coming out to save Eddie Guerrero but Kurt Angle destroyed Eddie’s low rider.

Coach shows us how to vote in the Diva Search.

Lita hates her wedding dress and breaks her mirror.

The ring has been transformed into a wedding venue and Kane is in an all white tuxedo. Naturally the ring bearer and flower girl are dwarfs, the former with paint under his eyes. Kane comes out with the biggest smile on his face…..until he sees Lita in a black dress. The minister says we have a special guest here and it’s someone very familiar to both the bride and groom.

Lita gets her hopes up but it’s Eric Bischoff, also in a white tux. Bischoff reads a passage from the Bible and even gives a brief prayer before the minister says this is clearly a very unique relationship. Kane has a video of their relationship, which is basically Lita being terrified when she finds out she’s pregnant and all the ensuing fallout.

That brings us to the vows, with Kane saying Lita is now his property. She will never know freedom again until the day he dies. On the other hand, Lita hates Kane more than life itself and he has no soul. She has no choice but to marry him but she will always love Matt Hardy. Well that’s quite the Edgey statement. All she can hope for is to see Kane suffer a horrible accident to free her from this nightmare. Kane: “That was lovely.”

We get to “speak now or forever hold your peace” and there’s no Matt. Instead here’s Trish Stratus in white lingerie (completely outclassing every one of the Diva Search contestants) to offer her services as Maid of Honor. Trish’s advice is for Lita to open her heart, just like she opened her legs.

The catfight is on for a bit until the minister gets things under control again. Cue Matt Hardy (with Lita doing a perfect damsel in distress smile) for the save from behind, only to have a wall of fire cut off the escape. A chokeslam off the stage and through a table destroys Matt. Lita is dragged back to the ring for the I Do and the forced kiss ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I’ve seen every episode of Raw ever and I don’t remember a single show that was all over the place like this one. From the ridiculously awful opening twenty five minutes (well as horrible as you can get with Maria, Christy and Carmella looking like that) to two good matches to the actually solid Orton segment to the so bizarre it’s great wedding (With Trish being a highlight. Just DANG.), this show somehow went from dreadful to one of the most entertaining shows I’ve seen in a long time. Fix the opening segment and this could have been a classic but that was like a knife to the stomach.

Here’s next week’s show if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/12/17/monday-night-raw-august-30-2004-total-divas-wish-they-were-like-this/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Cruiserweight Classic
Date: July 20, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Daniel Bryan

It’s week two and therefore time for more first round matches. Last week’s show was entertaining stuff as they’re going with a very different vibe this time around. It’s rather cool to see a lot of the unknowns getting shots, even if a lot of them have almost no chance of winning the thing. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Mauro welcomes us to the show and congratulates Bryan on his new role in WWE, though no specific spot is mentioned.

Corey Graves introduces a recap of last week’s show and introduces tonight’s matches.

First Round: Tajiri vs. Damien Slater

Japan vs. Australia. Tajiri starts fast and sends Slater into the ropes as they’re still feeling each other out in the early going. Slater kicks him in the ribs and Bryan is right there to say kicking with Tajiri is a bad idea. Instead they fight over some wristlocks with Tajiri hammering him down with some elbows.

More kicks sets up an armbar on Slater but he makes the ropes and sends Tajiri outside for a slingshot corkscrew dive. Back in and Tajiri grabs a wristlock to slow down Slater’s offense. That’s so simple but actually smart at the same time. I mean it didn’t work but it was smart. A running knee to the head gets two for Slater. Tajiri gets in even more kicks and grabs a quick Tarantula, followed by the handspring elbow. The Buzzsaw Kick puts Slater away at 5:49.

Rating: C. Tajiri was one of my favorites in ECW and it’s a good sign that he’s basically the same wrestler that he was back in the day (albeit a bit slower). Sometimes it’s easier to just kick someone in the head over and over. Slater wasn’t the flashiest guy out there but he looked very confident in the basic stuff he was doing.

TJ Perkins is the wrestler who makes everything look good.

Da Mack wants to be the Michael Jackson of professional wrestling. Take that for what it’s worth.

First Round: Da Mack vs. TJ Perkins

Germany vs. Philippines and both guys seem cocky. Mack’s dancing draws an Alex Wright reference. Perkins takes him down with a dropkick and a headscissors with some dancing that Bryan (nor myself) can identify. Mack catches him with a palm strike but Perkins dances into a Boston crab with Perkins lifting him up by the arms. The threat of a Muta Lock (bridging Indian Deathlock with a chinlock) sends Mack over to the ropes and he’s able to pull TJ to the floor.

Naturally that means a big flip dive, followed by some dancing stomps back inside. Now the Muta Lock has Mack in trouble but he’s right in front of the ropes. Mack is back up and runs the corner for a spinning kick to the face, only to have the landing delay the cover. Perkins is right back up with a slingshot dropkick but he misses a 450. Not that it matters as some kicks to the head set up a kneebar to make Mack tap at 6:30.

Rating: B-. They packed a lot into a short amount of time and it was a much different style than the first match. This was all about the high flying with some submission stuff thrown in for some flavor. Mack looked like almost any high flying indy name but Perkins looked like a much more versatile and polished wrestlers. Not great but entertaining enough.

Mustafa Ali says he’s the most well rounded wrestler in the tournament.

Lince Dorado, a masked man, talks about wrestling around the world and being ready to face anyone.

First Round: Mustafa Ali vs. Lince Dorado

Pakistan vs. Puerto Rico. Ali doesn’t want to shake hands but eventually does so to get us going. Dorado headscissors him out to the floor but gets pulled outside as well, setting up a running knee from the apron. A knee to the back gets two on Dorado but he kicks Ali in the face. Dorado isn’t done as he headscissors Ali to the floor, setting up the longest Asai Moonsault I’ve ever seen. Back in and a springboard reverse hurricanrana (it sounds better than it looks) gets two on Ali, who comes right back with a springboard Spanish Fly for the same. Ali misses a 450 though and a shooting star gives Dorado the pin at 5:53.

Rating: B+. Take two guys and let them fly all over the place for a few minutes. It worked back in WCW and it’s still going to work today. This was easily the most entertaining thing so far with two guys who both got to show off a lot. I’ve seen Dorado before but Ali looked a lot better than I was expecting. Really fun match here and the kind I’ve been waiting for.

Akira Tozawa is excited to be here.

Kenneth Johnson thinks it’s his time.

First Round: Akira Tozawa vs. Kenneth Johnson

Japan vs. USA. Again they fight over a wristlock to start until Johnson actually takes him to the mat and works on the leg. A headlock into a headscissors gives us a standoff. Tozawa, the heavy favorite coming in, finally starts getting serious and wins a chop off before just punching Johnson in the jaw.

Johnson takes a hard roaring elbow but comes right back with a dropkick for no cover. There’s a double clothesline to put both guys down until Tozawa goes nuts with some forearms to the jaw. Johnson stops him cold with knees to the face and a jackknife cover for two. Kenneth misses a middle rope spinning legdrop though and Tozawa snaps off a hard German suplex for two, followed by a bridging German for the pin at 10:00.

Rating: B. Tozawa cranked it up in the end and looked like one of the favorites to win the whole thing. Johnson was the definition of a guy in tights but he held his own here against someone with a lot more experience and skill. There was even a good story here with Tozawa underestimating him and Johnson trying to make the most of it until he was overcome by all the skill and experience. The match was shockingly good and far better than the squash I was expecting.

Overall Rating: B+. The last two matches were definitely upgrades over the first two with two flashy, high flying cruiserweight styles matches which is more what I was looking for here. I do however like the multiple styles because they keep the thing from getting stale with the same stuff over and over. Mixing it up is always an appreciated touch and it made the show much more entertaining this week.

Results
Tajiri b. Damien Slater – Buzzsaw Kick

TJ Perkins b. Da Mack – Kneebar

Lince Dorado b. Mustafa Ali – Shooting Star Press

Akira Tozawa b. Kenneth Johnson – German suplex

Results
Tajiri b. Damien Slater – Buzzsaw Kick

TJ Perkins b. Da Mack – Kneebar

Lince Dorado b. Mustafa Ali – Shooting Star Press

Akira Tozawa b. Kenneth Johnson – German suplex

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Next up we’ve got a guy who was starting to show some potential when he passed away far too early: Lance Cade.

Cade started in 1999 after being trained by Shawn Michaels. We’ll pick things up in his early days with Memphis Championship Wrestling on June 23, 2001, a WWF developmental territory at the time.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Lance Cade

The bell rings but an injured Rikishi comes out to say that he’s reformed. After about three minutes of talking, Cade cranks on the arm to start until Scotty runs him over with a shoulder. A dropkick gets two for Scotty but Lance comes back with a bunch of right hands to the jaw. That’s fine with Scotty who crotches him against the post but it really doesn’t seem to hurt him that much.

Cade takes him back to the floor for a beating before choking on the ropes back inside. Scotty’s comeback is stopped with a spinwheel kick and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Scotty speeds things up before planting Cade with a DDT. They slug it out with Scotty taking over and starting the real comeback. A backdrop looks to set up the Worm but Lance bails to the floor and tries to leave. That’s not cool with Rikishi so the fat man throws him back inside, setting up the Worm for the pin.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t half bad. At the end of the day it wasn’t supposed to be a competitive match or anything like that, but rather a way to have a rookie like Cade get some experienced against a veteran like Scotty. This was better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much given how low my expectations were going in.

After a few years in OVW, Lance changed his name to Garrison and got on Raw. Here’s a semi-famous match from Raw on June 16, 2003.

Garrison Cade vs. Lance Storm

Here’s the thing: Steve Austin is on the stage chanting BORING at Storm for the better part of the match. He even brings out a big blanket, saying that he can take a nap on the stage by watching a Lance Storm match after watching grass grow and paint dry didn’t knock him out. Storm hammers on Cade to start but Cade comes back with a dropkick. Garrison cranks on the arm as Austin starts yawning. He lays down on the stage because the match is even more boring than he thought it would be.

Now Storm works on the arm as Austin declares him better than sleeping pills. Austin: “I’m having a dream. Lance Storm is in the ring. OH NO IT’S A NIGHTMARE!” He wakes up as Lance drops Cade with a punch and says Storm has put the whole world to sleep. Storm finally yells at Austin and of course gets rolled up for a fast pin.

Since Cade was as boring as Austin said Storm was, they stuck him with Mark Jindrak as a tag team. Here they are in a Tag Team Turmoil match at Armageddon 2003.

Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.

Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.

In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.

Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.

Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.

The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.

Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidently kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.

That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.

Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.

Somehow they got on Wrestlemania XX.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam

Booker and RVD are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Booker has an AWFUL remix of his song here so hopefully they drop the belts so we don’t have to hear it again. Van Dam and Dupree get us going with Rob monkey flipping him down. Booker comes in with a side kick for two and a hip toss for an interfering Conway. Rene is knocked into the Dudley corner for a tag off to Bubba with the Dudley getting two off a neckbreaker. Booker comes back with a side kick but D-Von tags himself in before the cover. RVD jumps in with a kick to the face of D-Von but there was no tag so it’s Jindrak vs. Booker instead.

Cade and Jindrak take over on Booker in the corner but Rene steals a tag to take over. This match needs to end already. We’re four minutes in and I’m already bored. Conway hooks a bow and arrow hold which goes on WAY longer than needed. Booker fights out with a spinebuster for no cover but it’s not hot tag to RVD. Everything breaks down but D-Von breaks up the Five Star. It’s Booker vs. D-Von but Cade breaks up 3D. The scissors kick and Five Star are enough to pin Conway and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a waste of my time. No one card about this match because the tag division was so dead at this point that almost every team was just thrown together. Since this is Wrestlemania though, there’s ANOTHER four way tag match later tonight. Nothing to see here and the match sucked on all levels. Let’s get on to ANYTHING else.

Time for a new partner. From Vengeance 2004.

Tajiri/Rhyno vs. Jonathan Coachman/Garrison Cade

Uh…yeah. Seriously how do I even talk about this? This is like an opener on Heat, but a bad one. This was announced on Heat. Seriously, what was the thought osn this? To my great shock and awe, this has a backstory. For no apparent reason Eugene was made GM of Raw for a night and had a game of musical chairs for a title match. Tajiri was eliminated first and Coach got the last seat. This fell out of that.

Tajiri is actually popular. Coach wisely runs from Rhyno. I’ve never seen the appeal of Cade. The guy just isn’t that good and that’s all there is to it. Oh look: Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade on Pay Per View. Coach and Cade beat up Tajiri. Again, is there a reason this is happening? I mean was there NOTHING else to try?

After even more boring stuff, we get green mist from Tajiri to Cade. Apparently the referee seeing green stuff on Cade’s formerly blonde hair is perfectly fine. This is making my head hurt and I’m not even fifteen minutes into it. Cade gets gored, Coach gets kicked and I need a stiff drink.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash and it was just boring as all goodness. Tajiri was always good for some stuff, but Cade and Coach? Really? That’s the best you can come up with? This was one of the dumbest openers of all time and it’s also one of the least interesting. I mean just think about it: Tajiri and Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade and Jonathan Coachman. Think about that for a minute.

Cade missed the better part of a year with an injury before coming back in late 2005 as Trevor Murdoch’s partner. Here they are in one of their first matches together at Unforgiven 2005.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey/The Hurricane

Earlier today the southern boys say they’ve beaten the champions before and they’ll do it again. Cade and Murdoch are a brand new team, forming like ten days before this. Naturally they’re the #1 contenders. You can see a bunch of fans going to get popcorn during this one. Hurricane vs. Cade gets us going and the champs clear the ring quickly. Hurricane headscissors Murdoch to the floor as we talk about country music.

Hurricane hits a missile dropkick and it’s off to Rosey. Lawler points out the stupidity of having a place that loves country music asked to boo a pair of country boys. Cade takes over on Rosey as Murdoch goes to hit on Lillian. Well to her credit she looks great tonight. Hurricane saves her but Murdoch gets a SICK elevated DDT to the floor on storm boy.

Rosey takes over but misses a splash in the corner to put him down. We finally get a trainer down here as the match falls apart. Cade cheats some on the floor as Hurricane is carried out. Like an idiot he comes back and tags in, only to get clotheslined a few seconds later for the pin.

Rating: D. Isn’t this what Raw is for? The tag titles were far less valuable back then than they are now and the country boys would break up like a month later. This was nothing but that DDT on the floor looked great. This was probably better than most tag title matches around this time, but it was still terribly uninteresting which might as well be printed on the belts.

After some time apart, the team would reform late in 2006, including this match on Raw, October 2 of the year.

D–Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Highlanders/Viscera/Charlie Haas

This is under Texas Tornado rules. Everyone rushes the ring and are pretty easily dispatched. This is exactly what you would expect: DX dominates and barely breaks a sweat. Top rope elbow hits Charlie, Chin Music, Pedigree, done in about two and a half minutes.

From Cyber Sunday 2006 as the team gets back in the Tag Team Title hunt.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.

Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.

Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.

Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.

We’ll jump ahead a good bit here to No Mercy 2007.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

This is a bonus match, Jeff is the IC Champion and the country boys are the Raw tag champions. The tag champs say they have a new partner to keep another fluke like the one on Raw from happening. Cade and Kendrick start things off and it’s quickly off to London. Murdoch comes in and gets taken apart by a double teaming from Hardy and London. Trevor runs Hardy over with a clothesline and it’s off to Kennedy with a big pop.

Kennedy misses a charge and Hardy tags in Kendrick. Cade is in as well and Murdoch low bridges Brian to the floor. Kendrick plays Ricky Morton for awhile as Kennedy chokes him in the corner. A BIG boot in the corner gets two. Cravate keeps Kendrick down and he still can’t make a tag. Back to Cade who loads up a superplex but Kendrick headbutts his way out of it and a tornado DDT puts Cade down.

Double tags bring in Jeff and Trevor and Hardy tries that sitout gordbuster of his. He drops Murdoch though and Trevor LANDS ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Swanton would get the pin but Murdoch rolls to the floor to check if he’s dead. London vs. Kennedy now and Kennedy is put down with a spinwheel kick. Hardy misses whatever he was going for as Kendrick and Murdoch fall to the floor. Kennedy gets London on top and the rolling fireman’s carry slam off the middle rope gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Considering Murdoch is still alive, this at least ends on a positive note. The ending was cool too and with this being a bonus match, there’s only so much criticism I can give this match. It did its job, although I kind of wonder what the ads for this show were like given that there was a big ten minute hole in it and they already had a 15 minute talking segment to open things up.

The follow up on Raw, October 22, 2007.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Mickie James vs. Melina/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cade and Murdoch are Raw Tag Team Champions here. London and Cade get things going here with Cade throwing him off a headlock. Cade jumps over him in the corner but gets taken down with a quick armdrag. Off to Brian for two off a sunset flip as the small guys take turns working on the arm. Even Mickie tries to come in with a shot of her own but it’s quickly off to Melina.

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Murdoch vs. Kendrick with the country boy grabbing a neckbreaker for two. Kendrick nails a quick kick to the face and tags London to speed things back up. A spinwheel kick gets two as Cade makes a save. Everything breaks down and Cade clotheslines Murdoch by mistake, allowing London to hit the standing shooting star for the pin.

Rating: D+. Quick match here with the girls mixed in to prevent the champs from getting pinned clean. That’s an idea that we haven’t seen in awhile and could stand to make a comeback. There wasn’t time to see do anything here, but combining a pair of feuds into a single match is an easy idea to use.

Here’s a quick match from Heat on June 1, 2008.

Jeff McCallister vs. Lance Cade

Cade and Murdoch have recently split up and Murdoch became a country singer for like a day. He hammers on Jeff to start and walks around, yelling at the crowd. A big legdrop has Jeff in even more trouble and a Rock Bottom into a sitout spinebuster is enough for the easy pin.

Somehow, for reasons I’ll never understand, this got Cade a main event slot in the Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels feud as Jericho’s protege. Here he is on Raw, September 22, 2008.

Shawn Michaels/Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/Chris Jericho/Lance Cade

Jericho’s idea was to make it 3-2 and I guess it worked. Shawn and Cade start things off with Shawn destroying him. Cade reverses a whip and JBL adds a right hand to really give Lance an opening. Off to Jericho for a chinlock and an enziguri puts Shawn down. Off to JBL who hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Back to Cade for more of a beating in the corner. Jericho chokes away as this has been one sided for the most part. Bradshaw comes in and they slug it out but JBL kicks him in the face to put him right back down.

It’s JBL vs. Batista at No Mercy if that clears anything up. Shawn jumps into the fallaway slam but he counters into a DDT to put both guys down. There’s the tag to Batista who cleans house. Spinebuster to Jericho and a powerslam sets up the Shawn elbow. Superkick is countered into a Walls attempt but Shawn rolls him up for two. Everything breaks down and Batista spears JBL outside. Lionsault misses and it’s off to Cade. Forearm puts him down but Jericho’s distraction lets him hit a sitout Rock Bottom to Shawn for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that felt like it belonged at a house show. It wasn’t bad or anything but it just wasn’t interesting. There wasn’t much focus on the JBL vs. Batista match at all and Batista was only in the match for about a minute or so. Not bad, but just kind of there.

We’ll wrap it there as Cade would be released just a few months later. Unfortunately he would be released due to a seizure brought on by an overdose of pills. He died in 2010 due to an overdose of drugs. Cade may not have been a star, but he was showing potential when he got his big run in 2008, even beating Shawn Michaels in a tag match. The name would have needed to be changed, but there was some talent there. He was a good tag guy and at 29, should have had more than enough time to get a singles run going.

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Hardcore Heaven 2000
Date: May 14, 2000
Location: The Rave, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,400
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

In case that isn’t enough for you, Rob Van Dam is back from his broken ankle. Now you might think that this is the perfect time for Van Dam to take his rightful place at the top of the company now that he’s no longer TV Champion and now can focus on the World Title. Instead, he has a match against Jerry Lynn to continue their series. Let’s get to it.

We actually open with the theme song for the first time in this series.

Joel and Joey are in the ring with Joey mentioning various Milwaukee sports teams. The crowd isn’t impressed so he goes with bratwurst and beer to get the people on his side. Joel does his rhyme and actually isn’t cut off by Cyrus. Joey says he doesn’t care what the censors think because tonight they’re in hardcore heaven. With no interruption and the theme song already done, they just walk up the ramp (making its return on the side of the ring) to the broadcast booth while everyone stands around with nothing to do.

Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka

These two respect each other so there’s no hatred to the match. Mahoney just stands in the ring for his whole song (Big Balls by AC/DC) in a far too long entrance. Tanaka comes out as well but Cyrus appears at the broadcast booth and tries to throw Gertner out. Joel won’t go, so Cyrus has Kintaro Kanemura choke him out before taking over Joel’s spot.

As for the match, they actually have a technical sequence to start until Mahoney starts swinging to take over. Tanaka cross bodies him down for two and puts on an armbar. Balls sends him to the floor and hits a nice dive before nailing Masato with a beer. Both guys are whipped into the barricade and Tanaka drags him onto the ramp. The running chair to the head staggers Mahoney and a tornado DDT puts him down.

They head back inside and have a chair duel before three straight HARD chair shots to the head put Tanaka down. Back up and a superkick into the chair into Masato’s face puts him down but the fans want tables. Instead they get more chairs and Tanaka hits the tornado DDT onto said chairs for two.

The Roaring Elbow misses and Nutcracker Suite gets two. Diamond Dust gets the same and Tanaka is stunned that someone kicked out of his big move. Tanaka tries to jump over him but gets caught in another Nutcracker Suite onto the chairs for an even closer two. Balls’ middle rope leg only hits chair but he kicks out of the Roaring Elbow. A top rope chair to the head doesn’t put Balls down but the Roaring Elbow is enough for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was a mess but it was exactly what you have to expect from these two. The lack of tables made this a lot better, though it wasn’t all that good either way. I like the trading finishers but when that’s almost the entire match, it really doesn’t hold up as well as it does with a good build.

Lance Storm says Justin is all alone tonight and the run ends.

Little Guido vs. Simon Diamond vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Mikey (now insane with red hair and an obsession with fire) has his new manager the Sinisiter Minister, Guido has Big Sal, but Simon has Mitch, The Prodigy (never went anywhere), the Prodigette (had some success on the independent circuit) and the Muskateer, who is exactly what he sounds like, complete with sword. Mikey recently burned Big Sal so half of his face is bandaged up. Everyone tries their finishers to start but no one makes any significant contact until Mikey superkicks Simon down for two.

Mikey charges into Guido’s elbow in the corner and Guido headscissors Simon out of the corner. A powerbomb out of the corner gets two on Simon but Mikey’s missile dropkick gets two on Guido. Simon hits rolling suplexes into a gordbuster on Mikey for two as Guido makes a save. Simon and Mikey head to the floor and most of the lights go out. Mikey hits Guido with a camera and the entourages go after Sal.

Simon’s dive is caught in mid air by the big man but Mikey dives on all of them to put everybody down. Sal crushes the entourage as Guido hits a flying armbar for two on Mikey back inside. The lights are still mostly out. Guido fights out of the Whippersnapper but Simon can’t escape and gets pinned.

Down to Mikey vs. Guido with Mikey lifting Guido in a Pedigree but putting Guido onto his shoulders and spinning him around before putting him down in the sitout Pedigree. The fans are very impressed but it only gets two. Big Sal comes in and Guido climbs onto his shoulders, only to miss a huge elbow drop. Mikey throws a fireball at Sal to burn him again, only to walk into a Tomikaze for the pin.

Rating: C. Good enough match here, but WAY too many people wandering around at ringside. That spinning Pedigree from Mikey was something else and I understand why he busted it out even though he was losing, but it still feels wasted. The lights going out make ECW look amateurish and that’s not good when you’re already the third rate promotion.

Justin Credible, now with Francine, says he’s been taking people’s blood for seven years now. He’s traded a Tag Team Title for this belt and that’s all that matters. Storm will see a real champion tonight.

The lights are back on as the Dangerous Alliance comes to the ring. Billy Wiles now has Elvis sideburns. Cyrus is annoyed that Elektra is in a jacket. Lou E. Dangerously tells us how great he is but he has to threaten the fans with Anderson violence if they don’t shut up. This is basically the same thing that he did last time. Lou claims that Elektra is all natural, which is pretty laughable. Before the match, Jazz comes out and beats up the Alliance, including stripping Elektra down to a Mike Awesome t-shirt and what are basically strings underneath it. Anderson plants Jazz with a spinebuster but Kid Kash runs out for his match.

C.W. Anderson vs. Kid Kash

Kash quickly sends Anderson to the floor and hits a big dive to take him down before the bell. Anderson nails a big left hand right after we get going but walks into a dropkick to put him on the floor. Kash dives off the apron to take Wiles down with a hurricanrana. Back in and Kash tries a hurricarana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen one of those. C.W. hammers away in the corner and knocks Kash to the floor, only to have Wiles drop Kid across the barricade.

Back in and Kash climbs the corner for a cross body and two, only to walk into a big clothesline. A reverse suplex gets two for Anderson and a powerslam gets the same. Kash avoids a charge in the corner but has to deal with Wiles. Lou E. misses a phone shot and hits Billy, only to have C.W. nail Kash with a superkick for another two. Anderson goes up but gets caught in a bad looking hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a decent enough power vs. speed match but the interference got annoying fast. Wiles and Dangerously become more and more useless every time they appear but Anderson seems to have something special to him. He could use someone to talk for him but Lou isn’t quite up to that level either.

Bill Alfonso is worried about Van Dam coming back from his injury so soon. Van Dam is calm, especially with Scotty Anton being in his corner.

Da Baldies vs. Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

It’s nice to see the two young tag teams getting to be in the same match for a change. It’s Angel/DeVito here. The brawl starts on the ramp with Doring and Roadkill getting the better of Da Baldies. Nova and Chetti hammer away on DeVito in the ring but Angel switches places with him and takes a beating as well. Now we get the big showdown with Da Baldies down on the floor.

Doring’s jawbreaker puts Nova down but Chetti kicks Roadkill in the face. Chetti and Doring, the first two graduates of the House of Hardcore, slug it out but Da Baldies clean house. Roadkill takes both of them out with his springboard clothesline and Nova hits a Swanton Bomb on DeVito but Nova takes a Hart Attack from Doring and Roadkill. Da Baldies hit a double spinebuster to put Roadkill through two chairs but Nova hits a jawbreaker/DDT combo to put them both down.

Doring hits a top rope elbow on Angel but Grimes runs in for the save. Doring beats him up too but Angel BLASTS Doring with a guitar for the elimination. We’re down to Nova/Chetti vs. Da Baldies but Roadkill puts Grimes on a table and hits a HUGE splash to put both guys out. Back in the ring and Da Baldies are in full control and Nova is put in the Tree of Woe. Angel charges at Nova but he does a situp into a Diamond Cutter to drop Nova. The Amityville Horror and Tidal Wave are enough to pin DeVito.

Rating: C. This was a huge spotfest but also proof that these kind of matches can work without weapons. Other than the guitar shot, this was almost all about the wrestlers doing their stuff and that’s what a match is supposed to be. It’s also nice to see good teams getting pushed, but ECW won’t being Tag Team Titles for awhile for whatever reason they had at this point. You would think this would be a good place to have the titles on the line, but for some reason it didn’t happen.

Post match Da Baldies keep fighting until New Jack comes out with his weapons, including a staple gun and a fork. Time for another impromptu match.

New Jack vs. Angel

DeVito is still out there and already busted open. New Jack sends him into the crowd and I can barely see a thing. They finally get to a clearing and New Jack sets up a table. Jack stands around a lot before finally laying DeVito out and climbing the balcony. The big dive connects more safely this time and Jack staggers back to the ring, where Nova and Chetti are beating up Angel. A big guitar shot knocks Angel out but New Jack grabs a chair and blasts him in the head with a top rope chair shot to finally pin Angel.

Rating: F. Is this supposed to mean that New Jack has finally beaten Angel? That’s very impressive as it only took two people beating on Angel for five minutes after Angel already had a match while New Jack was doing something else. This was much more of an angle than a match as they barely had any contact until the ending. Hopefully this ends these two interacting.

Joey explains the opening being so awkward. Apparently Tommy Dreamer staggered into the arena covered in blood thanks to a beating from Justin Credible and Joey didn’t know what to do. Cyrus and Joey bicker and Cyrus mentions that TNN will soon have WWF programming. More on this later.

Steve Corino vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri

Corino is completely different now, having abandoned the cowardly character and becoming a serious old school style wrestler who can brawl with anyone. Tajiri has been thrown out of the Network after refusing to hand the TV Title to Rhino, thus turning face in the process. Corino is fighting for the Network here but offers to let Tajiri off. This turns into a racist tirade and Tajiri is ready to fight.

Tajiri misses a big kick to the head and Corino nails him with an enziguri. A hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb to give Steve two but Tajiri comes back with the Tarantula. They head to the ramp where Tajiri nails him with a kick to the ribs and a brainbuster to send Corino to the floor. Corino is already busted so Tajiri bites at the cut as is the custom in ECW. Back in and Steve is put in the Tree of Woe for the sliding kick to the face. There is a pool of blood under Corino’s head.

Tajiri loads up another baseball slide with a chair over Steve’s face but Jack Victory makes the save. Corino comes back with a superkick for one but his long blond hair is now almost entirely red. Steve can’t follow up so Tajiri sets up a table but kicks the edge of it, driving the other end into Steve’s ribs. You can’t see the blond in Corino’s hair anymore. Tajiri clotheslines Corino and Victory down but Corino pops back up with a backdrop through the table for two.

Corino gets two off a fisherman’s suplex and a northern lights gets the same. Steve sets up a table in the corner but gets kicked down to the mat. Tajiri puts on the Octopus Hold and Victory gets the green mist. The distraction lets Steve escape and grab a powerslam for a near fall. Tajiri goes INSANE with some of the fastest kicks and punches I’ve ever seen, followed by a big kick to the head. Corino is laid out on the table and a big double stomp from the top drives him through for the pin.

Rating: B. This was a really solid match with both guys looking great and Corino looking like a warrior out there. It’s a good example of two talented guys being able to have their skills shine through instead of getting bogged down by all the weapons and nonsense. Corino would gain a lot of respect very soon, partially because of this performance.

W*ING Kanemura comes out to attack Tajiri but Dusty Rhodes makes the save with elbows to the head. Rhino comes out to beat up the American Dream but we’ve got Sandman, segueing into the next match.

TV Title: Sandman vs. Rhino

Sandman’s entrance takes WAY too much time, but at least some of the blood gets cleaned up. Sandman seems especially calm for someone whose wife was nearly broken in half. Rhino throws him around with ease but Sandman comes back with left hands to send it to the floor. We get the first table thrown into the ring but Rhino wants the timekeeper’s table. Sandman nails him with some more left hands and puts the table on the ramp.

Rhino is sent into the barricade before they both get up on the ramp. The table is set up against the ropes on the ramp but Rhino’s Gore misses Sandman and only hits the wood. They head inside with Sandman hitting two straight piledrivers. Jack Victory tries to interfere but Lori nails him in the back with a Singapore cane.

Sandman goes after them but Rhino nails him from behind. Lori is dragged to the ring and piledriven off the apron through a table at ringside. Corino and Victory set up the table in the corner and drag Lori in front of it. Rhino loads up a Gore but Sandman canes him in the head. He goes to Lori but takes the Gore through the table to retain Rhino’s title.

Rating: D-. This was horrible with Sandman dragging down the young and talented Rhino. I don’t see the need to have Lori get beaten up again but at least the fans didn’t cheer when it happened. They’re setting up Rhino vs. Van Dam for a war but Sandman is really making these things hard to sit through.

Rhino yells at Lori, telling her Happy Mother’s Day.

The announcers talk all serious while talking about the company website and showing the Pervert Productions section. I think you can fill in the gaps.

Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

Lynn has been more aggressive lately and is angry over not being as respected as Van Dam. Rob has Bill Alfonso and Scotty Anton with him. Van Dam is just insanely over. Scotty and Rob hug before the match because they’re best friends and would NEVER turn on each other. Feeling out process to start with the fans entirely behind Van Dam. Both guys speed things up but neither can hit anything with Van Dam’s flip legdrop missing, giving us a standoff.

Rob’s spin kick misses but the second connects, setting up a cartwheel into a moonsault for two. They head outside with Lynn getting crotched on the barricade and kicked in the face to knock him into the crowd. The spinning kick to the back drives a chair into Lynn’s spine but Van Dam is slow getting up. Van Dam misses a moonsault press off the barricade and Lynn takes over back inside.

Lynn jumps to the middle rope but his tornado DDT is countered and both guys nail kicks at the same time. Alfonso puts in a chair but Lynn counters two straight Van Daminators. Instead Rob drops the chair and tries a legsweep but Jerry hits a Fameasser onto the chair for two. A stepover kick to the face and Rolling Thunder get two for Rob and he skateboards the chair into Jerry’s face in the corner for two more.

The monkey flip onto the chair is countered and Lynn hits a powerbomb out of the corner onto the chair for his first near fall in awhile. A gorgeous superplex drops Rob for yet another two. Lynn sends him into the buckle and sets up a table on the floor. Rob counters a tornado DDT through the table and heads back inside, only to get crotched on the top rope.

A bulldog from Jerry drives Van Dam through the table and both guys are down. Jerry gets back up and tries a running dive off the apron but he misses Rob and hits Anton. Back in and Lynn’s back is bleeding from the bulldog. Rob crotches him on the top rope and hits a Van Daminator with Alfonso’s help. Even Joey is getting tired of Alfonso’s interference. The chair is laid over Lynn and the Five Star connects as Cyrus leaves commentary.

Corino and Victory come in but Lynn fights them off, squashing rumors that he’s in the Network. Rhino comes in and Gores Lynn before powerbombing Rob. Van Dam fights back but Cyrus comes in and takes a Van Daminator. Jerry dropkicks a chair into Alfonso’s face but gets kicked down again. Rob goes up for the Five Star but Anton turns on him, surprising no one at all. Lynn didn’t see what Scotty did, which will be brought up on commentary later. Rob’s head slams into the ramp but the cradle piledriver only gets two. A second one onto a chair is good enough for Lynn to FINALLY pin Van Dam.

Rating: B. The Network is swallowing the entire promotion at this point. This match could have been done exactly the same way with just Alfonso and Anton but it’s ECW so you have to overbook it. It was the usual entertaining match between these two, but the win doesn’t do anything for Jerry at this point as he should have gotten the TV Title a year ago. It’s still the biggest win of his career but it doesn’t mean nearly as much as it could have. That was Van Dam’s first pinfall loss in two and a half years.

ECW World Title: Lance Storm vs. Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

Francine and Dawn Marie are at ringside as well. Before the match Justin says this is going to be one on one with him vs. Lance. If anyone comes out to face him besides Storm and Storm alone, he’ll throw the belt in the garbage. This brings out Dreamer but Heyman cuts him off, saying Justin has them by the balls right now and promising Dreamer another shot at Heat Wave. Dreamer shakes Storm’s hand, flips Heyman off, and leaves. Yet another bait and switch.

ECW World Title: Lance Storm vs. Justin Credible

Storm goes right after the champion to start and Justin bails to the floor to stall. Back in and Lance nails some right hands before dropkicking Credible back to the floor. Lance’s dive hits Singapore cane though and he’s already busted open. Both guys are sent into the barricade and Justin sets up a table on the ramp. Back in and they trade chops with Lance getting the better of it, only to charge into a boot in the corner.

The fans LOUDLY chant that they want Dreamer as Justin puts on a chinlock. Back up and a clothesline drops Lance and they trade loud chops. The fans realize Dreamer isn’t coming and quiet down a lot. A thumb to the eye puts Storm back down and we hit the chinlock again. Storm fights up again and grabs a hurricanrana to get a breather before hammering away in the corner.

In a really impressive athletic display, Storm jumps from the mat to the top rope for a back elbow to the jaw. Storm gets another two off a dropkick and they fight over a tombstone until Storm suplexes him down for another two. Credible nails a superkick for two of his own but Storm rolls through a cross body to get a breather. Justin’s abdominal stretch is countered into a hiptoss over the top rope and through the table for two back inside.

Back up and Storm hooks the half crab in the middle of the ring but Francine nails him with her high heeled shoe. Dawn comes in for a catfight, earning her That’s Incredible from the champion. Storm nails Justin with the Singapore cane and gets two off a piledriver. That’s Incredible is only good for two and a DDT gets the same. Storm comes back with a catapult into the post and a dropkick to the side of the head but gets crotched on the top rope. Another That’s Incredible retains Justin’s title.

Rating: D+. The match was watchable but Justin is a huge letdown after guys like Taz, Awesome, Tanaka and even Dreamer. The guy just isn’t a main event level guy no matter how much ECW tries to shine him up. He’s nothing more than a loudmouth in jean shorts that can’t back it up in the ring at all. This would be Storm’s last match as he went to WCW over Heyman not being able to pay him.

Dreamer comes out and destroys both Credible and Francine to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was watchable for the most part but the bad parts bring down the good stuff that the show had going for it. The problem here is where we should go now. It seems like we’re heading for Rob Van Dam vs. Scotty Anton, which is a meaningless match for Rob because no one cares about Anton and another waste of how over he is. Lynn getting the win is nice for him but where can he go? Against Rhino maybe? The real star of the night was Steve Corino who looked like a warrior going through that bloodbath, but he’s still stuck in the Network angle that is taking over everything.

ECW on TNN
Date: May 12, 2000
Location: University Sports Pavillion, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

It’s the go home show for Hardcore Heaven and there really isn’t all that much set up for the card. We’re getting RVD vs. Lynn and Credible vs. Storm for the title (in theory) but I’m not sure what else we should expect. Knowing ECW I’m sure there will be some impromptu matches because Heyman expects his guys to be insane and get into arguments without a card being necessary. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Sinister Minster and Mikey Whipwreck in the back talking about their usual evil when the cameraman hears something. It turns out that Mikey has lit him on fire because Whipwreck is a weird dude.

Joel does his limerick about debuting in Minneapolis until Dreamer comes out. He can’t say anything though because Simon Diamond comes out to complain about not being taken seriously. Clearly Dreamer has lost his touch and isn’t as hungry as he used to be. You know those are fighting words.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Simon Diamond

They’re almost immediately on the floor and brawling in the crowd as is Dreamer’s custom. Tommy hammers away in the crowd and knocks Simon around like the comedy guy that he is. The Prodigy finally validates his employment by clotheslining Dreamer, only to have Tommy come right back with a suplex. He ties Simon in the Tree of Woe and stands on his crotch in the corner before hitting the running dropkick into a chair onto Diamond’s face. More goons try to interfere so Simon can DDT him down, only to have the referee take a chair away from Diamond. Back up and Dreamer’s DDT is enough for the pin.

Rating: D. So wait, ECW can have traditional rules thrown out the window but when Dreamer is in trouble the referee actually does his job? The match was just there to give Dreamer a win when he’s going into a big match on Sunday. Other than that there’s just nothing here and it’s your traditional ECW TV match.

Jerry Lynn vs. Lance Storm

There must be a winner. Jerry dropkicks him off the apron to start and nails a nice flip dive off the apron for good measure. They head inside for the first time with Lance coming back with a quick superkick and two before throwing on what would become the Canadian Maple Leaf. That goes nowhere as Jerry kicks away and tries a rollup for two, firing off a nice pinfall reversal sequence for some two counts.

Time for a chair because Heaven forbid we get to have something like the good wrestlers wrestling. Lynn kicks it into Storm’s face and nails a tornado DDT onto the chair for two as Dawn Marie offers a distraction. Justin Credible comes in with a crutch and nails Lynn by mistake, giving Storm the fluke pin.

Rating: D+. This was going to be better just based on who was in the match. That being said, there’s only so much you can do with a little under seven minutes and interference included. It wasn’t terrible and at least it helps to set up something for Sunday. You know, for the pay per view that is barely mentioned.

Dreamer comes out to fight go after Justin, only to have Storm dive on both and start a three way brawl.

Back from a break with Lynn down in the ring and Cyrus coming out for a chat. We get straight to the cheap heat with Cyrus making fun of Minnesota, which gets on Jerry’s nerves. Cyrus offers him a spot in the Network but Tajiri comes out to break it up. Lynn nails Tajiri with a clothesline but says he did it for himself and not the Network.

Jerry leaves and here are Corino and Victory to go after Tajiri. He comes back with kicks but here’s Rhino to start a match.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Tajiri

Tajiri hammers away to start and nails the handspring elbow. They head outside for a moonsault off the apron before throwing a table inside. Tajiri blows the mist in Rhino’s eyes but has to kick Corino down. Steve is laid on the table for a top rope double stomp, only to get Gored in half by the champ. Instead of covering though he loads up the piledriver from the apron through a table on the floor to retain the title.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but they needed more time. Tajiri is a guy that can fire off kicks like there’s no tomorrow but he needs something more to fight off a monster like Rhino. This Network stuff is getting old though as Rhino is the kind of monster that doesn’t need help to get anywhere yet for some reason that’s all we see.

Sandman comes out for the save and gets nailed as well, drawing out Van Dam for the real save. A kick to the face drops Rhino and the Five Star ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Please let this show die already. The stuff we’re sitting through here is already old as it’s just running in circles. With the World Title out of the Network story, it makes the belt seem even more worthless. This goes back to the old idea of the TV Title meaning more than the World Title which is one of those things that ECW always did and never quite held up. Just make Rob the top guy already and be done with it.

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Bound For Glory 2014
Date: October 12, 2014
Location: Korakuen Hall, Tokyo, Japan
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Official subtitle: TNA sends its B team to Japan for a tape delayed Wrestle-1 show with matches first mentioned on TV four days ago that has nothing to do with current storylines that they have the nerve to ask you to pay $50 for while shouting about how this is all about giving the fans the best. FEEL THE ELECTRICITY! Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how this is a night unlike any other and how the biggest stars of both promotions are going at it. We also get a video on the Muta vs. Sanada feud.

The arena isn’t very big and only holds about 2,000 people.

JB welcomes us to the show and we’re ready to go.

Manik vs. Minoru Tanaka

It’s back in a four sided ring. Feeling out process to start until Tanaka scores with a nice dropkick. Manik comes right back by sending him out to the floor but misses a plancha. He goes under the ring though and sneaks up on Tanaka for a neckbreaker. A dropkick gets two for Manik and he cranks on the arm while holding a chinlock.

Tanaka gets suplexed down for two as Tenay talks about Manik being the youngest non-Japanese wrestler to ever perform in New Japan. There’s something close to a story here as Tanaka used to mentor Manik at the start of his career. Not that there’s any hostility or anything but they did know each other before this. A missile dropkick and knee drop get two for Tanaka but Manik dropkicks him back to the floor. Tanaka blocks another dive with a kick to the face and hits a middle rope moonsault to send Manik into the barricade.

Back in and Manik avoids a charge and hits another missile dropkick before throwing him into the air for a kick to the face. Tanaka gets his knees up to block a frog splash before yet another running dropkick sends Manik into the corner. A superplex into a hiptoss gets two on Manik as the fans are finally getting into this. They trade some nice rollups until Manik plants him with a brainbuster for another near fall. Manik gets the same off a gutbuster but walks into a kick to the head followed by a cross armbreaker for the submission at 9:57.

Rating: B-. This was actually a solid back and forth match but it sums up the problem with this entire show: I have no reason to care about these guys and the entire show is going to be based on the action. Something tells me the rest of the card isn’t going to be this solid, and this match wasn’t even all that great. Still though, good opener.

We’ll be looking at great moments in Team 3D’s history, starting with Slammiversary 2006 against Rick Steiner and Animal. They couldn’t even get one of the 3D vs. Steiners matches? We see the last three minutes or so.

Ethan Carter III talks about stabbing Spud in the heart with his words on Wednesday. Spud knew he was on borrowed time when he allowed Dixie to be sent through a table. Ethan has a replacement for Spud though and he’ll debut on Wednesday. He’s ready to start EC3 Year 2 with a win over a former sumo wrestler tonight.

We recap Ethan’s rookie year in TNA where he still hasn’t submitted or been pinned.

Ethan Carter III vs. Ryota Hama

Before the match Ethan is pleased with the respect the fans show him here. He speaks “Japanese”, meaning very slow English, talking about how he’s rich, undefeated and good. Carter talks about beating every TNA Hall of Famer at their own game so he’s going to slam Hama tonight. He says slam ham over and over again and declares himself huge in Japan.

Hama is disturbingly fat and dresses exactly like Rikishi. He powers Carter into the corner with ease of course so Carter bails to the floor. Tenay tries to give us a brief history of Japanese wrestling as Carter gets dropped with a shoulder block. Back in and Hama runs him over out of a sumo position but misses a big fat splash. Carter of course can’t slam him and a big elbow drop gets two. A running Umaga attack in the corner gets the same but Hama misses a seated senton. Carter still can’t slam him and Hama falls on top for two. We get the required Stink Face but Carter comes back with a 1%er for the pin at 6:00.

Rating: D. Remember when I said it wasn’t going to stay as good as the opener? I was correct earlier than I thought with this standard comedy match. Go back and watch any given Rikishi match and you’ve seen the same match you got here. Nothing to see here but at least Carter won.

Team 3D vs. Beer Money from Lockdown 2009.

MVP talks about how awesome the Japanese wrestlers are and how they put fear in the hearts of sports entertainers. He doesn’t know much about Sakamoto but the little bit he’s seen hasn’t impressed him. Tonight though, Sakamoto will be impressed.

MVP vs. Kazma Sakamoto

Remember Tensai’s worshipper? Well he returns here as a, ahem, star. MVP is the huge face here due to his time in New Japan. He takes Sakamoto down as Tenay recaps Sakamoto’s time in WWE. Sakamoto runs from MVP as we really haven’t had a ton of contact yet. MVP gets in a shot to knock Sakamoto out to the floor as Tenay’s history lessons continue.

Back in and MVP drops some knees on the face for two but Sakamoto comes back with uppercuts. A few kicks to the legs have MVP in trouble and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Sakamoto misses the Ballin Elbow and gets clotheslined in the corner. MVP nips up and hits the real Ballin Elbow followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two. Sakamoto misses a running knee and gets his leg kicked out, setting up a Shining Wizard for the pin at 8:02.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here as it was just a step above a squash for MVP. Sakamoto never posed a threat here and MVP was over like free beer in a frat house. This was another short match that didn’t mean anything and was there for the live crowd instead of the PPV crowd, but that’s the case for the entire card.

Samoa Joe talks about how awesome the X-Division is and how tough a night his opponents are in.

X-Division Title: Samoa Joe vs. Kaz Hayashi vs. Low Ki

Joe is defending. Hayashi is probably best known in America as a low level cruiserweight guy about fourteen years ago. Ki takes over to start but Joe crushes both guys in the corner and kicks Kaz in the head. There’s the chop to Hayashi’s back but he fires off right hands to the champ’s face and knocks Joe to the floor. The fans are behind Low Ki as he kicks both guys down and gets two on Joe. Both challengers head to the floor and get taken out by a big dive as we see the crowd sitting still yet chanting at the same time.

Back in and Low Ki chops at Joe but the champ busts out his powerbomb into the crab into the STF until Hayashi remembers he’s in this match and puts Joe in a Crossface without breaking the hold on Ki. Hayashi hits a kind of Zig Zag for two on Joe with Ki making the save. A quick Warrior’s Way gets two on Kaz and they head outside so Joe can nail a double dive. Back in and Kaz charges into a Rock Bottom out of the corner but Low Ki breaks up the MuscleBuster. That earns him a Koquina Clutch and Ki passes out to retain Joe’s title at 10:30.

Rating: C+. Not bad for the most part here but it didn’t mean anything for the most part. This was the same three way style match TNA has done a dozen times with Hayashi just being a warm body to fill out the match. The fact that the winner was already spoiled with the TV tapings didn’t help either.

Joe thanks the fans in Japanese and says they’re here to bring the world together for the fans. He is Samoa Joe and he is professional wrestling.

Another great Team 3D moment: putting Dixie through a table.

Dreamer says he’s going to do the hardcore thing one more time with Team 3D. He looks like he’s about to cry because that’s all Tommy Dreamer does anymore.

Jiro Kuroshio/Yusuke Kodama vs. Andy Wu/El Hijo del Pantera

Wrestle-1 match and I have no idea who any of these guys are. Wu, a guy that moves a lot, starts with Kuroshio and Andy ducks a kick to the face. Kuroshio wrestles in a jacket for some reason. Off to Kodama and Pantera for a gymnastics demonstration capped off by a hurricanrana from Pantera. An armdrag puts Kodama on the floor for a big flip dive from Pantera. Back in and Kuroshio slams Pantera down and adjusts his hair during the cover.

Kuroshio gets two more off a standing corkscrew moonsault but stops to check his hair. Back to Kodama for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two on Pantera as this just keeps going. Pantera finally crawls over for the hot tag and Wu speeds things up a bit with flips. Kodama gets double teamed into a 619 for two from Pantera. Wu dives over the top onto Kuroshio and Kodama kicks Patnera in the face for two. Kuroshio hits a big flip dive to take out Wu and Kodama nails a corkscrew moonsault for the pin on Pantera at 9:20.

Rating: C+. Well that happened. I still have almost no idea who any of these people are and I have almost no reason to care about any of them but, Kuroshio does indeed wrestle in a jacket. It was your regular cruiserweight style tag match and odds are I won’t remember it in about fifteen minutes.

Video on Team 3D’s career and how much they deserve to be in the Hall of Fame.

We see Tommy Dreamer’s induction speech and, say it with me, he cries. Team 3D doesn’t have a ton to say here other than how hard they’ve worked to get here and how glad they are to be here. You would think they could at least throw on a suit though.

Team 3D vs. Tommy Dreamer/Abyss

No stipulations here for a change. I’m sure the rules will be enforced too. Dreamer has a headband on to pay homage to Terry Funk. Long intros fill even more time and the fans want tables. Ray speaks some Japanese and we get handshakes from everyone but Abyss. Dreamer and D-Von do some basic stuff to start before it’s off to Abyss and Ray. Tenay gets on my nerves even more by talking about the Full Metal Mayhem match from Impact. They slug it out very slowly until Ray nails a Rock Bottom.

Abyss pops up with a chokeslam but Ray pops up. Ray avoids a splash and D-Von comes in to clothesline Abyss out to the floor. The reverse 3D plants Dreamer as they’re still in about second gear. Dreamer takes What’s Up and it’s table time. The tables are much smaller here and we get the required ECW chant. The fight heads outside and Abyss rings the bell on Ray’s head. They fight around the arena and now it’s time for all of the weapons.

We get duels with chairs and kendo sticks but Dreamer DDTs Ray as Abyss chokeslams D-Von. Dreamer is thrown into a trashcan in the corner and the Black Hole Slam gets two on Ray. Abyss nails him in the ribs with a few chair shots but D-Von hits his spinebuster for two on Abyss. D-Von goes up to drive Abyss through a table, only to have Ray powerbomb Dreamer through it instead. Abyss busts out the tacks and walks into 3D onto said tacks for no cover. Dreamer brings in the cane and takes a 3D of his own for the pin at about 13:00.

Rating: D+. This show is getting old in a hurry. This was the same hardcore brawl we’ve seen a dozen times before with nothing new and no doubt as to who was going to win. Tenay mentioning the great Full Metal Mayhem match makes me want to just go find a copy of that match instead, which is a really bad sign for your biggest show of the year.

Post match Team 3D says they love Japan

Velvet says this is her first time in Japan (it isn’t even her first time this year) and says she isn’t afraid of Havok.

We recap Havok winning the Knockouts Title.

Knockouts Title: Havok vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is challenging and is suddenly a face over here. Havok is from Defiance, Ohio. Velvet fires off kicks to start and hits a few middle rope ax handles. The champ comes back with shoulders in the corner and a backbreaker. Off to a bearhug followed by a slam but Velvet fights back with almost no effect. A headscissors puts Havok down and a middle rope cross body gets two. Not that it matters as Havok grabs another bearhug for the submission at 6:00.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t half bad with Velvet fighting instead of getting squashed. It still wasn’t any good but Havok is a good choice for a monster champion. Whoever eventually beats her is going to look like a big deal and that’s the whole point of building up a monster as champion.

James Storm is sitting in what looks like a temple, talking about cutting down Great Muta for the sake of the Revolution.

We recap Muta/Tajiri vs. Sanada/Storm. Muta mentored Sanada but Storm turned Sanada to the dark side. Tonight it’s about revenge. This is the only match that has gotten any sort of a build.

Great Sanada/James Storm vs. Tajiri/Great Muta

Storm gives a great speech about turning one of Japan’s own against them. That little bit of storyline actually felt really refreshing. Muta sprays mist to start and gets things going with Sanada. They fight over a leglock on the mat until Muta comes up and works on the arm. It’s back down to the mat and Sanada sprays Mist at Muta but only hits air. Off to Tajiri vs. Storm with James taking a bunch of kicks. Tajiri grabs the beard but it’s quickly back to Sanada, only to have him get low bridged out to the floor.

Sanada kicks Tajiri to the floor and then under the ring as things slow WAY down. Tajiri has taken mist off camera and is blinded back inside. Storm and Sanada start slowly double teaming as we’re waiting on the hot tag to Muta. A dropkick gets two for Sanada and we hit the nerve hold.

Back up and Sanada pulls out a white stick of some kind of nail Tajiri again. Tajiri comes right back with a kick and tags in Muta to clean house. Muta hammers on Sanada and drops an elbow for two, only to get caught in Closing Time. Storm drops a top rope elbow and Sanada’s moonsault gets two. Everything breaks down and Storm is backdropped to the floor. Tajiri superkicks Sanada down and it’s a double mist and the Shining Wizard to give Muta the pin at 10:50.

Rating: D+. I just sat through this whole show for an eleven minute main event. Storm not taking the pin is a good thing, but it’s not like this match means anything at the end of the day. However, there’s one thing that stands out above all this: at the end of the day, the two oldest guys on the show stood tall to end the show. Some things never change.

Storm chokes Muta with the bullrope so Team 3D makes the save to end the show. That would be four guys at least 41 years old ending the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Here’s the thing: the show itself was just ok. Some of the matches weren’t bad but for the most part it was just the same kind of matches we’ve seen in other forms dozens of times. It wasn’t a bad show or anything but it’s totally forgettable with nothing standing out as a great or even very good match. The opener is the best match and the X-Division Title match is good depending on your taste but I’ve seen it done too many times.

That brings us to the big problem: this is Bound For Glory, not some One Night Only show. The Global Impact Japan show was better than this with more title matches, two title changes and cost $15 compared to $50 for this one. The stalling was just pathetic and made me feel like I was watching a low rent show from a low rent promotion.

TNA rolled the dice here and I can get the idea behind it, but not for Bound For Glory or when TNA is in the spot they’re in. They don’t have another live event for three months and the only thing you hear about TV is “it’s coming”. This show might have helped set up stuff in Asia, but if there’s no product in America, there’s nothing to ship out to Asia. The problem is this show was all for the Japanese fans, and the last thing TNA should be doing right now is flipping off their loyal fans, which are the only things keeping them going. This was a bad idea but the intentions were good at least.

Results

Minoru Tanaka b. Manik – Cross armbreaker

Ethan Carter III b. Ryoto Hama – 1%er

MVP b. Kazma Sakamoto – Shining Wizard

Samoa Joe b. Low Ki and Kaz Hayashi – Koquina Clutch to Ki

Jiro Kuroshio/Yusuke Kodama b. El Hijo del Pantera/Andy Wu – Corkscrew moonsault to Pantera

Team 3D b. Abyss/Tommy Dreamer – 3D to Dreamer

Havok b. Velvet Sky – Bearhug

Great Muta/Tajiri b. Great Sanada/James Storm

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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ECW on TNN
Date: May 5, 2000
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting closer to Hardcore Heaven 2000 at this point with some major matches announced but no World Title. In theory it would be Dreamer getting his rematch for the title, but given how fast everything changes around here it’s hard to say. Hopefully things are a bit better structured this week after last week’s mess. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of last week’s show with all the title title changes.

Off to Joey and Joel in the ring for the long limerick (about getting someone tipsy in Poughkeepsie) and a line from Joey about TNN producing their shows using rabbit ears. This brings out Justin Credible and Francine with the chick saying she just goes wherever the gold is and lists off all the wrestlers she’s led to titles over the years. I never realized how many she had actually done. By done I of course mean led to gold.

This sounds like Sunny with the Tag Team Titles back in 1996. I’ve heard worse (though Francine is no Sunny), but why do I have a feeling we’re not going to get an explanation for why she turned on Dreamer in the first place? Granted it’s a common problem but on a one hour show, you really shouldn’t have this many open questions.

Justin is about to say something when Lance Storm and Dawn Marie come out. Lance gets right in Credible’s face and actually shows some of the best emotion he’s ever had. Storm rips into Justin about disrespecting the titles and costing Lance a belt that he earned. Therefore, Credible owes Storm a title and that World Heavyweight Title looks pretty good. Credible can either hand it over to Storm or have it beaten out of him.

Storm slaps him in the face and the brawl is on, but of course we have to focus on the same Dawn Marie vs. Francine fight that we’ve seen roughly eight million times now. Raven runs out to go after Justin but Storm takes him down for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. Jazz comes out to go after Dawn and gets a superkick of her own. The opening match is next.

Kid Kash vs. Lance Storm

This is joined in progress but we have to look at Tommy Dreamer and Credible fighting in the crowd. Where did Dreamer come from? Uh….EXTREME! Kash starts off with a big flip dive to the floor because that’s his signature thing. They head inside for Storm to block a charge with an elbow to the jaw followed by a nice powerslam. Kash pops back up and tries a hurricanrana, only to be countered into a sitout powerbomb. Kash is on his feet WAY too fast and nails a hurricanrana for two but Dawn Marie breaks up the Money Maker. Jazz came out to go after Dawn, allowing Storm to nail a superkick and piledriver for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was barely long enough to rate due to constantly cutting away to other things. This is one of Heyman’s problems: he couldn’t sit still long enough to let things go the way they should. It’s like watching a really hyperactive squirrel running around a park and trying to make sense of it. There’s only so much the wrestlers can do when we can barely see them.

The New Dangerous Alliance goes to see the Sinister Minister. Elektra sits on the Minister’s lap and he pulls out some beads. Their next comments are censored and Elektra takes her top off and dances. Minister laughs. As usual, I have no idea what the point of this was.

Jerry Lynn vs. Scotty Anton

Joined in progress as well with Lynn nailing a plancha over the top to take Anton down. Anton sends him into the barricade and sets up a table in the ring because this is ECW. Lynn comes back with a tornado DDT but here’s Rhino to try and Gore Jerry. He leapfrogs out of the way though and Anton takes the Gore through the table, setting up the cradle piledriver to give Jerry the pin.

Cyrus comes out to shake Lynn’s hand and says he’s a friend of the Network. Lynn looks at him but dives over the top to take Lynn out instead. Rhino beats up Anton but RVD comes out for the save, only to get beaten up by Corino and Victory. Tajiri comes out for another save but RVD is taken out by security. The Network tells Tajiri to apologize because he’s on his own. Tajiri pulls out a beer and you can see the tag match coming from here.

Sandman/Tajiri vs. Rhino/Steve Corino

Wait not yet, as we have to watch Sandman drink and listen to Metallica for five minutes. I’ve always loved that about Sandman’s entrances. He can sit there and drink forever while the guy he’s supposed to be helping could be getting his brains beaten in. Why did more bad guys not take some sort of advantage of this? They have Tajiri 3-1 and they all just stand around and watch him do walk around and drink a lot. I know wrestling villains aren’t supposed to be smart but come on now.

It’s not just ECW either. This happens in WWE all the time as well with stuff like the opening sequences where the people that hate each other just stand in different parts of the arena with three ropes and air between them but they never actually do anything physical. I know security is supposed to intervene but come on already.

Oh yeah we have a match to talk about. Tajiri vs. Rhino to start with the power guy hammering away and actually working on the arm early on. Tajiri comes back with the handspring elbow and tags in Sandman as Rhino tags out as well. Corino gets nailed in the face over and over before they head outside for some whips into the barricade.

The Russian legsweep into the barricade has Steve in even more trouble. They head back inside for the Heinekenrana and White Russian legsweep for two. Cue Sandman’s wife for the first time in weeks to nail Rhino with a kendo stick. That goes about as far as you would expect and Tajiri mists Corino. Rhino Gores a table in the corner, allowing Tajiri to double stomp Corino through a table for the pin.

Rating: D+. Why can’t we just let Corino fight Tajiri for fifteen minutes instead? They’re talented guys and Rhino would be good when he figured out his style. Sandman isn’t a wrestler and I’m not sure why he’s consistently on wrestling shows. Lori Fullington really didn’t need to be here and I don’t remember seeing her outside of pay per views. Not much to see here but it could have been worse.

Gertner rants about TNN to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. We’re getting really close to Hardcore Heaven at this point and as usual, I have almost no idea what to expect for the show save for one or two matches. This show focused on two ideas (except for that weird Elektra and Minister thing) and that’s a bit more ok in an hour long show. The show still isn’t good, but you can never say it’s boring. Sometimes that’s better, but I don’t think it is here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 24, 2014
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re wrapping up the summer in New York and three shows left before Bound For Glory. The interesting thing for tonight is a tournament for a future title shot which may or may not be at the biggest show of the year. Granted at this point it looks like that’s Lockdown anymore as Bound For Glory is shaping up as another One Night Only level show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Roode vs. Lashley from last week where Bobby almost won the title.

JB explains the tournament concept: five qualifying matches with the winners facing each other in a five way later tonight. The winner can challenge for any match they choose and the matches are surprises. This would fit better if they all hadn’t been announced on TNA’s website. MVP, Magnus, Austin Aries, Abyss and Robbie E. will all have qualifying matches.

Video on MVP.

Gold Rush Tournament Qualifying Match: MVP vs. Low Ki

Low Ki gets a video as well, talking about wanting to push the roster over the years. Feeling out process to start with MVP shoving Low Ki into the corner. He rams Ki into the buckle but gets kicked hard in the chest to send MVP across the ring. A slam out of the corner gets two for MVP but Ki fires off some chops and kicks to the chest. MVP opens up his vest and says hit me harder so Ki snaps off one of the hardest chops I’ve ever seen. MVP comes back with a knee to the ribs and a kick to the face to send Low Ki out to the floor. We actually get a plancha to take Low Ki before going to a break.

Back with MVP still in control with a facebuster and the Ballin Elbow. Low Ki gets back up and is thrown into the air, only to land in a standing position on MVP’s shoulders and jump forward to dropkick MVP in the back. Awesome looking move. A kick to the head gets two on MVP before Ki sends him outside for a big springboard dive. Back in and Ki tries a cartwheel kick but MVP takes out his leg. The Drive By is enough to send MVP to the finals at 13:05.

Rating: C+. This was a stiffer match than usual with both guys hammering on each other. Ki looked good with that spot of landing on MVP’s shoulders looking incredible. MVP needed a big win as he’s almost only been a talker for the last few months with only a handful of matches here and there.

The BroMans argue over whose girlfriend is hotter. They agree to disagree but Robbie brags about being in the tournament and then being on Amazing Race with Brooke starting this Sunday. He plans on switching between both girls but Jesse points out that cameras will be everywhere. Like the one filming them right now. They point out said camera and Robbie runs. This was actually kind of funny.

Quick tribute to Eric the Actor from the Howard Stern Show, a big wrestling fan who passed away over the weekend.

Video on the Tag Team Title series. The Wolves will pick the final stipulation next week.

Robbie E. comes out for his match and says he’s a huge star all around the world.

Gold Rush Tournament Qualifying Match: Robbie E. vs. Tajiri

The fans chant WELCOME BACK to Tajiri, suggesting that this was taped out of order with other shows. A big kick sends Robbie out to the floor but he sends Tajiri’s ribs into the apron. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit before Tajiri pops up with his namesake handspring elbow for two. There’s the Tarantula but the Buzzsaw Kick misses. Robbie gets two off an implant DDT but the referee gets bumped, allowing Tajiri to blow the mist and hit the Buzzsaw to advance at 3:40.

Rating: D+. I’m a fan of Tajiri’s and he’s about the same guy he was back in ECW at this point. That’s very impressive given that he’s in his 40s now and still goes just as well. He’s a guy like Rhino where you know what you’re getting and he doesn’t shift from that, but he can still make it work.

Spud insists there are no problems with he and Ethan Carter III and takes a call from him. The funny bit here: he shows the phone and it says “EC3 – BEST FRIEND”. After a break he’s still on the phone and tries to stand up to Ethan but gets talked down. Much like Robbie, he runs when he sees a camera on him.

Gold Rush Tournament Qualifying Match: Austin Aries vs. Knux

The fans are entirely behind Aries who tries a test of strength for some reason. Aries rolls away so Knux does a handstand, only to have Aries spin around. Taz changes the story again by saying Rebel and Knux are dating, even though I thought they were brother and sister before. Knux gets taken down by a wristlock so he nips up to a huge response. Knux takes a bow so Aries tries a brainbuster to stop the fun. The big guy shoves him off so Aries dropkicks the knee out and takes over in the corner.

Aries knocks him to the floor but Knux blocks the suicide dive with a big boot. Back in and Aries fires off more kicks to the leg to send Knux outside again. The suicide dive connects, but it’s with the Freak and Craazy Steve instead of Knux. Back in again with Knux getting two off a huge side slam. The Sky High is countered with a hurricanrana and Aries nails the corner dropkick. Knux is too big for the brainbuster so Austin hits some discus forearms and another corner dropkick before getting the big man up for the brainbuster and the pin at 7:04.

Rating: C. I liked this match better than I was expecting to but the Menagerie makes me smile most of the time. Knux is a talented guy but he can only go so far as the leader of a failing carnival. To be fair though it’s very nice to look at Rebel….who may or may not be his sister and/or girlfriend depending on what week it is.

Video on Roode vs. Lashley from last week.

Gold Rush Tournament Qualifying Match: Mr. Anderson vs. Magnus

Magnus jumps him to start and slams him face first into the mat for some early two counts. We hit the chinlock for a bit before a clothesline gets two on Anderson. Back up and a double clothesline puts both guys down before Anderson wins a slugout. Magnus grabs a belly to back suplex into a slam for a close two. He loads it up again but Anderson reverses into the Mic Check for the pin at 6:50.

Rating: D. Really basic match here until the last 45 seconds or so. These guys are the low level main event wrestlers in TNA right now as they’re both former World Champions but neither guy has anything going for him. The match wasn’t terrible but it really didn’t feel like they had any interest in trying out there.

Quick video on set of the Knockouts calendar shoot.

Video on Team 3D going into the Hall of Fame.

We recap the tournament so far.

Video on Gail Kim vs. Havok for next week. This is designed to make Havok look like a monster.

Gold Rush Tournament Qualifying Match: Abyss vs. Samuel Shaw

The fans chant “Dexter Morgan” at Shaw. Abyss knocks him down and grabs a chokeslam but Shaw kicks him in the ribs to escape. Instead Abyss grabs him by the throat again and shoves him out to the floor in a big crash. Shaw fights back on the floor and rams Abyss into the steps.

He goes after Abyss’ arm in what is called a smart move by ramming it into various objects. This idea works in theory, but it would make more sense to go after the arm Abyss uses for his big moves. To be fair though, Shaw is a bit out there. Shockingly enough, Abyss makes a comeback using moves with his strong arm, including a chokeslam to put Shaw on the floor. Shaw grabs a chair and blasts Abyss in the head, which Hebner somehow doesn’t see. Back in and the Black Hole Slam ends Shaw at 6:35.

Rating: D+. Well now that that formality is out of the way, let’s get on with the main event. This was the usual tournament match where a big name beats up someone that has no chance of beating them. At least they kept it short as there’s no real reason to sit through a long match which isn’t very good and has no surprise to it.

Gold Rush Tournament Finals: Austin Aries vs. Abyss vs. Tajiri vs. MVP vs. Mr. Anderson

Winner gets a shot at any title at anytime and it’s one fall to a finish. MVP stays in the ring while everyone else brawls on the floor but Abyss will have none of that. Instead MVP bails to the corner so Abyss can beat up Anderson to start. It’s off to Tajiri who wins a kickoff with Anderson before missing a charge into the corner. Anderson misses a charge of his own and hits the post, giving Tajiri a rollup for two. Aries comes in and grabs on Tajiri’s head but Taijri scores with the handspring elbow for two.

Back with Aries countering the Tarantula but getting kneed in the back to block the suicide dive. Anderson comes in for the rolling fireman’s carry for two but it’s off to Abyss. Aries escapes the chokeslam and slaps MVP for a tag. MVP doesn’t want to come in so Aries catapults him in over the top but MVP tags out to Tajiri.

Abyss brings in Anderson who is quickly caught in the Tarantula. Mr. slams Tajiri down off the top but MVP tags himself in. Anderson looks right at him before MVP hits the Drive By for two as Aries makes the save. Everything breaks down and MVP loads up the Drive By on Aries, only to get rolled up for the pin at 15:12.

Rating: C. The match was ok but we’ve seen all these guys once tonight so this was kind of repetitive. Aries winning is the best option, even though we’ve seen him vs. Lashley before. I can’t imagine he’d pick Joe, even though it would be an entertaining match. This wasn’t bad but it didn’t work all that well.

Overall Rating: D+. Well that was different. This was literally a one idea show and they’re already recycling challengers for the World Title. You have to assume it’s the World Title, but there was that one time when Kaval went after the Intercontinental Title instead of the World Title like a sane person. It’s now clear that Bound For Glory isn’t going to be an important show this year, which is a shame given that they usually do something big with it. Then again TNA needs to worry about staying alive at this point and how would the biggest show of the year help them do that?

The wrestling wasn’t great tonight and I’m not a fan of one concept shows. This felt much more like a One Night Only and that’s not something you want to do. TNA survives off Impact anymore and now they’re going with that one idea formula which has worked SO well before. Nothing much to see here and it could have been spread out over a few weeks to set up some other stuff.

Results

MVP b. Low Ki – Drive By

Tajiri b. Robbie E. – Buzzsaw Kick

Austin Aries b. Knux – Brainbuster

Mr. Anderson b. Magnus – Mic Check

Abyss b. Samuel Shaw – Black Hole Slam

Austin Aries b. Abyss, Mr. Anderson, MVP and Tajiri – Rollup to MVP

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