WrestleFest 1991
Host: Randy Savage
Commentators: Lord Alfred Hayes, Sean Mooney

Sometimes you need to get away from weekly TV and do some good(ish) old fashioned Coliseum Video. That’s what we have here, with another compilation tape released in July 1991. You never know what you might get on here but that can make for some interesting watches. Let’s get to it.

Randy Savage: Man Of Leisure (as the graphic says) is sitting by the pool as the audio from his career ending loss at Wrestlemania VII plays in his head. He was NOT asleep….or maybe he was, but just for a few seconds. Yes he lost, but he had a great career and wrestled some of the best of all time. The only one he didn’t get to face was the best of all time: himself (that’s such a Savage thing). Savage introduces our first match.

Jimmy Hart says Earthquake is ready to crush Ultimate Warrior in the Fan Favorite match.

From Fort Myers, Florida, February 19, 1991.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Earthquake

Earthquake slugs away from behind but can’t put Warrior down. Instead Warrior is back with some shoulders, including a flying one to send Earthquake outside. A Hart distraction lets Earthquake get in a cheap shot though and it’s a drive into the corner back inside. The slow beating, including that weird jumping stomp that Earthquake had, sets up the bearhug (you knew that was coming).

Warrior’s leg starts twitching so Earthquake picks him up (points for not going with the obvious escape route) to keep the hold on. The big elbow and the Earthquake connect for two as Warrior is ready to get going. Three straight clotheslines set up a slam and the Warrior Splash is good for the pin at 5:37.

Rating: C. This felt very much like a dark match at the end of a taping to get one of the biggest stars out there against a big monster. Warrior shrugged off everything Earthquake had and then won in just over five minutes. It was short, to the point, and did what it needed to do without looking bad. Nice choice for an opener, even if they had a very basic match.

Savage tells us where to write in to request a match. This will in no way be used to get on the WWF’s mailing list. With that out of the way, to the Manager Cam, which means Jimmy Hart is going to be mic’d with a camera on him during a match.

From Green Bay, Wisconsin, May 7, 1991.

Big Boss Man vs. The Mountie

No commentary for this one. Hart (expect to hear that name a lot here) demands that the referee take the nightstick from the Boss Man, who punches Mountie down to start. Mountie’s leapfrog is countered into a spinebuster and Boss Man steals Hart’s jacket (Hart: “MOUNTIE! MOUNTIE!”), which he threatens to send into the crowd. Hart gets the jacket back and Mountie goes outside for a breather, only to get punched down again. Boss Man chokes on the ropes for a bit (Hart: “GET OFF THE ROPE!”) and hits the running crotch attack to the back of the neck (Hart: “Referee, quit picking your nose and do something man!”).

A missed charge finally gives Mountie a breather, sending Hart into a rant about how Mountie has to get up and do something. Hart tells him everything to do to the leg, including wrapping it around the post. Boss Man tries to swing but falls down, prompting Hart to laugh at “the big hick”. Mountie grabs the mic to hit his catchphrase but Boss Man punches his way up and hits a one legged Boss Man Slam for the pin at 6:31.

Rating: C+. This was fun! The match itself was mostly a Boss Man squash with Mountie getting in a bit of work on the leg. Instead, we got a unique way to look at a match, with Hart playing it completely straight and making it a lot more interesting. I can go with something different like this, as the WWF so rarely went in a unique direction. Good stuff and very out of the box.

Post match Hart gets in the ring and tells Mountie that he’ll sucker Boss Man over so Mountie can zap him with the shock stick. And that’s exactly what they do!

From Omaha, Nebraska, April 15, 1991.

Power And Glory vs. Rockers

Slick is here with Power And Glory. We hit the stall button to start until Shawn and Roma lock up over a minute and a half in. Roma has to bail to the ropes early on before hitting Shawn in the face to take over. Michaels is right back with the hurricanrana into the right hands, followed by the double superkick to send Roma outside.

Back in and Roma dropkicks Marty down, only to get his head taken off with a clothesline. A Hercules cheap shot lets the double teaming ensue though and Marty is caught in the wrong corner again. Hercules actually stays in for a bit,, with his own clothesline getting his own two. Roma’s big running elbow (he always did that well) sets up the chinlock to keep Marty down.

That’s broken up but Roma clotheslines him again (a popular move here) and hits a top rope elbow to the head. Marty finally avoids a charge in the corner though and the diving tag brings Shawn in to clean house. The jumping back elbow hits Roma in the face and a swinging neckbreaker gets two. Everything breaks down and Hercules is clotheslined (geez) out to the floor, leaving Roma to get double hiptossed. Hold on though as Slick offers a distraction, which is enough to get the Rockers counted out at 12:06.

Rating: C. Not bad here as the Rockers were really starting to gel a few months before they split. Power And Glory are a good enough team, though you could see Hercules losing more and more steam as he just couldn’t move very well. The countout was fairly lame though, as you really can’t have Power And Glory get rolled up for a quick pin here?

Post match the fight continues with the Rockers cleaning house and stealing Slick’s hat. To be fair, it’s a pretty sweet hat.

We go to Randy Savage’s Tranquility Base (that’s Tranquility Base USA, because Savage might be nuts, but he’s an American nut) and it’s time to play some pool.

Ted DiBiase is ready to beat up the Texas Tornado, who is a great example of a Cadillac body and a Volkswagen brain.

From Orlando, Florida, February 18, 1991.

Ted DiBiase vs. Texas Tornado

Commentary points out the lack of DiBiase’s manager Sherri (which is code for “this was taped before Wrestlemania when Sherri and DiBiase got together). Before the match, Tornado brings out Virgil, who had broken up with DiBiase about a month ago. DiBiase yells at Virgil as Hayes talks about the rigorous process required to become a manager. That could be some fascinating paperwork.

Tornado goes outside to jump DiBiase and the bell rings for the second time. They head inside with Tornado sending him face first into the buckle over and over, setting up a rollup for two. Virgil has to send DiBiase back inside (Mooney: “He’s just giving his former employer a hand!”), only to have them go right back to the floor.

The Tornado Punch hits DiBiase but another only hits post, allowing DiBiase to send the hand into the steps. Back in and DiBiase elbows him in the face, setting up the always awesome falling punch. DiBiase knocks him outside again and tries a suplex to bring Tornado back inside. Virgil is right there with a trip to DiBiase though and Tornado gets the pin at 4:17.

Rating: D+. And somehow, Tornado would stick around for about another year. I’m not sure how many drugs he did to fall apart as badly as he did but a whole lot seems to be pretty low. This was a slow, boring match with the hand stuff not leading anywhere and Tornado sleepwalking through it, as usual.

From Fort Myers, Florida, February 19, 1991.

Haku vs. British Bulldog

Hayes talks about both of them having a rugby background and Mooney seems to have played as well. Haku grinds away on a headlock to start but a dropkick sends him outside. Back in and Bulldog grabs a sleeper, which is countered with an armdrag of all things. That’s broken up and Bulldog grabs an armbar, only to be reversed into an atomic drop. The piledriver gives Haku two and we hit the sleeper. Bulldog fights up for a double shoulder and Haku is able to grab a chinlock. With that broken up, Bulldog avoids a dropkick and gets two off a clothesline. Back up and Bulldog grabs a crucifix for the pin at 7:41.

Rating: C+. This was a nice power match and they worked well together. Matches like this are the reason I like seeing these tapes as you never know when you are going to find a good match that isn’t going to take place in a major feud. Smith was on his way up and Haku can make anyone look good so this was a fun mix that I was getting into by the end.

Randy Savage plays pool. While he plays, it’s time for a trip to the Barber Shop.

We go to the Barber Shop with Brutus Beefcake for some grooming tips. This includes putting mud (from the Dead Sea, as written on the container in marker) on someone’s face and then cracking an egg on top of said face. Then Beefcake blows it off with a leaf blower. This takes quite awhile but it’s the kind of character stuff that is at least a bit different. Can you imagine seeing something like this not being a total disaster today?

From Biloxi, Mississippi, March 12, 1991.

Greg Valentine vs. Rick Martel

This was part of Valentine’s face run and….well what are you expecting from a Valentine face run? They fight over a top wristlock to start with Valentine getting the better of things and knocking Martel outside. Some and actually start a HAMMER chant as Martel stalls on the floor even more. Back in and Valentine grabs a headlock before going after the leg.

The Figure Four is blocked so Valentine drops an elbow on the leg and cranks away again. Martel fights back and sends him outside, followed by a middle rope ax handle back inside. The abdominal stretch goes on for a bit before Valentine blocks a ram into the buckle. The comeback is on and Valentine clotheslines him outside. Valentine follows him to the floor for the brawl and it’s a double countout at 8:12.

Rating: C-. Martel was his usual serviceable self here but Valentine as a good guy still really doesn’t work. I’m not sure what the appeal there was supposed to be, other than maybe just seeing if they could get anything else out of him. All this showed me was that Valentine wasn’t going to be interesting no matter what he did around this time and there was no way around it.

Post match Valentine beats him down again, setting up the Figure Four. What a hero.

From Fort Myers, Florida, February 19, 1991.

Warlord vs. Koko B. Ware

Slick his here with Warlord, who powers Ware into the corner to start. There’s a choke toss to send Ware flying again but he comes back with some right hands. Ware heads outside to annoy Warlord, but Slick suggests that he is a chicken. Well they never said what kind of BIRD man Ware was so there may be something to that.

Back in and Ware goes to the eyes and hammers away, only to be sent sailing over the top. A sunset flip doesn’t work on Warlord and we hit the bearhug. Warlord finally lets it go for some reason (he never was known for his brains) and misses an elbow. Ware avoids a charge in the corner and rolls him up for two, followed by the missile dropkick (with Ware landing on his feet as only he could) for the same. That’s enough for Warlord, who powerslams him for the pin at 6:38.

Rating: C. This was the kind of match that fit a formula perfectly well as the power guy had trouble with the smaller opponent before finally catching him. It’s not a classic, but this was about as basic of a match formula as you could ask for and it worked well enough. If nothing else, Ware’s missile dropkick is always worth a look.

Despite being retired, Randy Savage watches his match against Ultimate Warrior to look for mistakes.

From Biloxi, Mississippi, March 12, 1991.

Hart Foundation vs. Legion Of Doom

Well ok, as this appears to be their only (recorded) match against each other. This is also non-title, as the Harts, who were champions when this was filmed but not when it was released, don’t even have the belts with them. Animal and Neidhart lock up to start and the power shove doesn’t get anywhere. Shoulders don’t do anything but a double clothesline puts both of them down.

Back up and Animal’s flying shoulder drops Neidhart and it’s Hawk coming in to work on the arm. Hart comes in as well but gets sent outside in a hurry as Hawk isn’t having any of this. Back in and Bret takes Hawk into the corner so Neidhart can come in to slow him down. It’s right back to Bret for two off the backbreaker, followed by the middle rope elbow for two more.

Hawk gets over to the corner for the unseen tag, leaving Neidhart to hit the slingshot shoulder for two. The chinlock goes on, with Mooney somehow trying to say this has been “even”, despite Hawk getting beaten down for the last five minutes. The Hart Attack connects with Animal having to make the save. Neidhart tries to whip Bret into Hawk in the corner but only hits buckle, allowing the hot tag off to Animal to clean house.

Everything breaks down and Hawk gets sent into the corner for a hard clothesline to Hart. The Doomsday Device is broken up though and Bret hits the backbreaker on Animal. Another slingshot shoulder looks to set up something like a Rocket Launcher but Animal powerslams Bret out of the air for the pin at 12:32.

Rating: B. This was a rare moment that lived up to the hype and I wouldn’t have bet on that coming in. You don’t see this kind of thing working most of the time but they pulled it off here, with the Harts dictating the pace and the LOD being there with the raw power. Normally this would be little more than a historical footnote but they had a very good match at the same time.

Respect is shown post match.

From New York City, New York, March 15, 1991.

Marty Jannetty vs. Tanaka

This is your main event because….I have no idea, though it’s nice to go to the Garden instead of random TV tapings. Mr. Fuji is here with Tanaka but neither partner is here. Tanaka strikes away to take over and kicks Jannetty around the ring. Jannetty comes back and knocks him to the floor before doing it again for a bonus. This time Jannetty dives out onto Tanaka for a crash as things slow back down.

Back in and Fuji offers a distraction, allowing Tanaka to get a turnbuckle pad off. Jannetty is fine enough to superkick Tanaka into the corner but a missed charge sends Jannetty falling outside. After the referee scares Fuji away from using that pesky cane, Tanaka drops a rather low looking headbutt. A rollup gives Jannetty a breather but a jumping forearm cuts that off rather quickly. There’s a chop to send Jannetty outside and Fuji smiles rather deviously. Back in and Tanaka tries a Tombstone but Jannetty reverses into the Owen Hart version to drop Tanaka on his head for the pin at 10:53.

Rating: C+. Two talented wrestlers were able to make this work but there is only so much that you can get out of a pair of tag wrestlers having a match without their partners around. The fact that Mooney announced the winner as “Shawn Michaels’ partner Marty Jannetty” kind of sums up the issue here, but they did have a perfectly watchable match. Granted the ending might make you cringe but Tanaka was ok so it’s acceptable enough.

Randy Savage gets a phone call from Elizabeth and that means it’s time to wrap up the tape.

Overall Rating: C+. This was on the more decent side of Coliseum videos, as you had mostly pretty good to solid matches and the only two which weren’t so strong were shorter. Throw in the unique Manager Cam deal and a near hidden gem with the Harts vs. LOD and this worked well. It’s nothing you need to see but if you’re in the mood for some lighter fare, you would be just fine with this one.

 

 

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Date: December 31, 1999
Location: Westchester County Center, White Plains, New York
Attendance: 2,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Raven talks about being crucified for the sins of his past.

Theme song.

Raven vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Rating: C. This is ECW style but it was an actual coherent match which is more than you can say for the vast majority of their stuff. Mikey is a guy that did a lot of stuff for the company back in the day but he never amounted to anything elsewhere. Raven getting to wrestle a match is very much a rarity anymore so it was a nice surprise.

Tanaka is warming up.

Awesome is ready.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy

This should be good. A quick tilt-a-whirl backbreaker takes Tajiri down but he comes back with the handspring elbow and things speed up. No one is interested in selling here and we wind up at a standoff. Tajiri drops to the floor, seemingly just so Crazy can hit a baseball slide and a moonsault press off the top to the floor. Joel does his Spanish schtick and we head back inside. Tajiri blocks a kick and fires off some of his own.

Tanaka speaks Japanese.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

No entrances for either guy and Tanaka is defending here. Awesome jumps Tanaka to start and hits a kind of overhead release belly to belly. Tanaka is sent to the floor and Awesome hits a big plancha to take him down. We get the first table set up on the floor but Tanaka breaks up the powerbomb through it. A top rope cross body to the floor takes out Awesome as does a running chair shot to the head.

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Date: December 24, 1999
Location: Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Intro sequence.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

This is joined in progress and Tanaka is in workout pants. Tanaka sends him to the floor and into the barricade followed by a chair to the head. These two were rivals in Japan with Tanaka being the guy that beat Awesome far more than anyone else. Awesome is defending and already beat Tanaka at two straight PPVs. They head into the crowd with the champion taking over.

Awesome puts the belt on Tanaka and then beats him up, followed by a powerbomb over the ropes and through a table on the floor.

Awesome is furious post break and goes after Cyrus, who blames Paulie.

Super Crazy vs. Ikuto Hidaka

Hidaka ducks a kick and a headscissors sends Crazy to the outside. A HUGE flip dive takes crazy out again and Hidaka is in control. Crazy whips him into the barricade and fires off some kicks before we head back inside. A springboard missile dropkick puts Hidaka down and a moonsault gets two for Crazy. Crazy hooks a surfboard and then a dragon sleeper to keep Hidaka in trouble.

House show/merchandise ads.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Da Baldies

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November to Remember 1999
Date: November 7, 1999
Location: Burt Flickinger Center, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Cyrus, Joey Styles

Well it’s another of ECW’s Wrestlemanias here as we close out this millennium. The main event tonight is another tag match rather than a world title match or something stupid like that. This time it’s Rhino, Credible and Storm vs. Sandman, Raven and Dreamer. Oh how ready I am for this.

 

Awesome vs. Tanaka is happening….again. RVD vs. Taz….not a regular match but I have no desire to watch them fight since Taz is practically in WWF already. This looks like anything but a major show but with ten PPVs left in the company’s history I can’t complain much. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Cyrus open us up of course with Cyrus telling the smart marks to rejoice. Gertner interrupts him of course. And here’s Taz. Wasn’t he supposed to like, go to WWF? The fans think he sold out. Apparently Taz is looking for Joey. What the heck is going on? Apparently Joey never called Taz.

 

Ah ok Joey thinks Taz Pearl Harbored RVD by jumping him from behind. Taz interprets this as Joey wanting to fight him, prompting a F HIM UP JOEY chant! Oh that’s priceless. This is seriously cracking me up. Taz is full heel here. Joey being taller than Taz is funny. Taz complaining about someone laughing at him is funny given his current commentary style. Taz twists every word around and Joey just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper and it’s great stuff.

 

Joey FINALLY bails as the chant starts again. Gertner makes the mistake of smiling and you can tell his life is measured in seconds. Tazmission and he’s down. The fans really don’t like him, but that’s because he’s leaving I think. DAng he should have been heel and just choked people out a long time ago. He and Cyrus shake hands to prove he’s evil.

Theme song hits. Make your own John Cena references there.

Have to give them this: that song was AWESOME.

Simon Diamond and Dick Hertz are here. Yep the gay jokes abound. Dick slapping himself doesn’t help. Oh and Dick gets to slide. And here’s Jazz. She slaps him and Dick beats her up. Simon tells his giant to kill her. That’s close enough to Giant Killer for Spike to hit the ring.

Simon Diamond vs. Spike Dudley

Spike’s offense was more or less comprised of nothing but bumping and the Acid Drop. Oh and the occasional forearm. We’re on the floor already and Spike hits a chair shot off the top. Spike takes a short beating but then an Acid Drop ends it.

Rating: N/A. More of a long brawl than a match. Just a thing to kill time before we get to the, ahem, real stuff.

And the FBI hit the ring almost immediately and pound on Spike. Nova comes out to beat various people up as we hear about how much people imitate him. Nova is more commonly known as Simon Dean in case you didn’t know that. This is a match I think.

Nova vs. Little Guido

No clue when this actually started but whatever. Cyrus says Guido has one fatal flaw and them naturally lists two things. Guido more or less goes to the top with his back to Nova and stands there. He doesn’t get ready to do anything. He doesn’t look around or anything like that. He just stands there and gets low blowed. This leads to a Samoan Drop from the top.

 

It should be noted that 90% of Joey’s commentary here is talking about how no one comes up with more moves than Nova and how he’s the real “Innovator of Offense”, which was Kanyon’s nickname at the time. Literally as he’s saying that, Nova uses the Samoan Drop from the top, which was Kanyon’s finisher like two years before this. That’s just amusing.

 

Big Sal comes in and Nova beats him up pretty easily. A Tomakaze (Unprettier) ends it. Post match they beat up Nova some more but Chris Chetti comes back to make the save. Danny Doring and Roadkill come out and beat up Chetti. This is the biggest mess of a show I’ve ever seen. Roadkill does hit a GREAT splash from the top rope.

Rating: D. Short but long enough to be an actual grade, but still this was just bad. Half of the match was just the announcers complaining about Nova being copied by so many people. This was short and not very good though. And what a shock, more filler on an ECW PPV that means nothing at all.

Super Crazy vs. Tajiri vs. Jerry Lynn

None of those guys were announced. I just knew them once Joey said Extreme Three Way Dance. And I’m completely right. That’s not a good sign. Like not a good sign AT ALL. Did Jack Victory ever actually do anything? Tajiri has Corino and Victory with him here. Seriously I still can’t get over how different Corino used to look. He looks like Richards almost.

 

Corino runs down Crazy and Lynn, pointing out how many times he’s beaten Crazy. Yeah that’s a great thing to point out: we know you’ve seen this a bunch but just watch it again! Also, great to see Jerry this far down on the card and in a totally pointless match. Lynn and Crazy start us off and do perhaps the fastest sequence I have ever seen. I mean they were FLYING out there.

 

Both guys get Tarantulas. And of course we go to the crowd. Crazy…kind of hits a huge moonsault from a balcony. I emphasize the words kind of. Sweet goodness Lynn and Crazy are fast. Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver on Crazy but for some reason Tajiri makes the save. That doesn’t make much sense. Ah ok he wants to use the Brainbuster to get the elimination himself. That makes sense in a way.

 

In a smart moment Tajiri reverses a tombstone but turns it into a backbreaker because Lynn has bad ribs. Smart. I love smart wrestlers. Tajiri goes for them again but he just absorbs them all and is like come here and piledrives him for the pin. He beats up Corino afterwards.

Rating: B-. Fast paced and fun, but I ask this: what does this prove? I mean seriously, it’s ANOTHER cruiserweight threeway. Good for them. What are they actually getting out of this? It makes no sense but whatever as it’s probably the best wrestling we’ll get all night.

We talk about Da Baldies who are the new Italian gang.

We see Angel using a staplegun on New Jack’s eye.

Da Baldies vs. Axl Rotten/Balls Mahoney/New Jack

Let’s get this over with. There are four Baldies: Spanish Angel, DeVito, PN News and Vito. Vito is the same Vito from WCW and WWE. You might remember him for wearing a dress. Naturally it’s a lot of punching and chairs and no New Jack yet. Ah here he is. There goes any quality the show had going for it. Seriously, why am I watching a guy slam a vacuum into a keyboard over a guy’s balls?

 

Rotten goes and gets a ladder for no apparent reason other than I guess he didn’t get beaten up enough already. New Jack goes to help him. This is all going on which their partner is getting the heck beaten out of him. Jack climbs up behind a banner which is covering a basketball backboard.

 

Yep he dives off of it. I still don’t care about him. New Jack busts Vito over the head with an SNES. Ok then. Vito’s head get his head stapled. And a guitar is cracked over New Jack’s head for the pin.

Rating: F+. Seriously, am I supposed to be impressed or to care or something? It’s the same idiotic brawling and mindless violence that it always is. Is there supposed to be a point to anything like this? Again, New Jack is the epitome of everything that was wrong with ECW.

Alfonso says Sabu is going to go do what he does best. This is a really different kind of promo. He’s fighting Candido. Apparently his best friend died. Not sure who Ticho is.

Chris Candido vs. Sabu

Yep she still looks great. They had been in WCW for awhile and no one cared so here they are again. If Sabu is suicidal, why is he still alive? We get a punching contest to start and Cyrus gets a creepy line. “These are two guys that would probably die without the wrestling business.” For those that don’t know, Candido died after breaking his leg at a TNA PPV. There was a blood clot or something like that.

 

The fans want tables, but I hope we don’t get them. When Sabu doesn’t do all kinds of crazy stuff with weapons etc, he’s far more bearable. And just as I say that we get a chair. Yep it’s table time. I guess it was inevitable. Surprisingly it’s just used as a platform and no one goes through it. Well so far at least. If they save it for the end or something like that, I can live with that relatively easily.

 

Table is in the ring. This isn’t much so far but it’s more of a slow build which is fine. Candido goes through a table as he misses Sabu. Sabu gets the camel clutch but only with one arm up as the fans chant show your chest. And that’s why the crowds get annoying. Sabu jumps into the crowd and you still can’t see the impact. Why would that be important though?

 

Sweet merciful goodness ECW’s camera work was awful. While the weapons have been used here, they haven’t been the focal point of the match. Sabu hooks the camel clutch for like the third time in the match. I like that as it’s constantly weakening the back. Candido goes through his second table but it just gets two. This is ok but it’s just not that interesting.

 

There’s something missing from it which is hard to put into words. Candido’s power bombs were always decent. Candido looks pretty sharp here but the idea that he never went to WCW is kind of amusing to me. The problem is that Candido is running out of stuff to do so he’s starting to repeat stuff.

 

In a STUPID looking spot, Candido is put on a table but Sunny (yes I know her name is Tammy) goes for the save. Alfonso grabs her and Candido saves her. Then, with no one on the table, he leans over it so Sabu can dive on him. Looked stupid. After an Arabian Facebuster to the back, a camel clutch ends it.

Rating: C+. Not terrible or anything here but there was just something missing from it. It worked as well as it could have I think. Sabu toned things down here to an extent and it worked far better. Candido was a guy that was always solidly in the midcard but never jumped above it. Either way though, this was ok.

Tanaka says he’ll win. This was stupid.

Awesome says he’ll win. This was just bad.

The announcers talk about the world title match and about how Tanaka has the advantage over Awesome.

We see a segment from earlier with Heyman where everyone gets fired. Ah it’s not Paul. It’s Lou E. Dangerously, more commonly known as Sign Guy Dudley. This would have been funnier had the main event introductions not have been heard in the background.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Mike Awesome

This is always fun. Joey tells us to keep our eye on Tanaka. It’s a bit hard to do that given how bad the camera stuff is. Tanaka hits his running chair shot which is always a nice shot. Awesome busts out a Taker Dive that looked great. Joey tries to make fun of Hogan by saying he never leaves his feet anymore. When did he do that in the first place? Cyrus busts out the word troglodytes. That’s my boy.

 

Awesome hits an INSANE chair shot from the top rope and it doesn’t even put Tanaka down. WOW. They just start crashing each other’s heads in with the chair and it looks great. These matches would go so far beyond ridiculous that they were awesome. Tornado DDT on the chair gets two. Awesome counters the second one though to stay alive.

 

Awesome hits more or less a Batista Bomb from the apron through a table to the floor. See what I’m talking about? Holy crap is very accurate here. Naturally it only gets two. Back in, Tanaka gets a superplex through the table. Nice one too. Diamond Dust, a Dragon Sleeper from the second rope flipped over into a Stunner doesn’t even get a cover. Uh, any reason why not? A HUGE Awesome Splash gets two. The kickouts here are amusing. FINALLY a superbomb from the top ends it.

Rating: B+. Again, this is a different kind of match. These are designed to be closer to a Japanese strong style and it works very well. At the end it’s nothing but finishers and big power moves and it’s pure fun. Again, you flat out can’t take this one seriously and you absolutely shouldn’t. Pure fun and they work every time.

TV Title: Taz vs. Rob Van Dam

Oh Paulie. My sweet little Paulie. If this had been about a year earlier and for the world title and not the TV Title, you could have legitimately been around another year or even two. THIS was the money match that he just totally passed on because Shane just HAD to carry the belt an extra six months while Taz killed the rest of the roster.

 

RVD is of course the most over guy in the company so he never won the world title. Brilliant indeed Paul. But he, we got that Justin Credible run that we all were begging for right? They build it up as a clash of the titans even though there is NO WAY Taz is winning here. This is as much of a slam dunk as you could ask for.

 

Taz’s accomplishment takes forever to list off. Again, why not jump Van Dam when he’s doing his intros? They flat out say Taz is going to New York after this. Seriously, what’s the point to having this? They do a long back and forth segment to start and RVD poses. We get a LOT of strikes so far. It’s kind of dull but not bad I guess. Van Dam is REALLY BAD at whispering spots to Taz. It’s kind of pathetic.

 

We brawl on the floor for a bit and this whole thing is just lacking. They’re just going through the motions and it’s really obvious. Taz sets a table in the corner. We get some really bad looking stuff in an attempt at the Van Daminator and RVD gets suplexed through the table. Can you feel my enthusiasm here? Van Daminator hits from the top.

 

Good thing Taz put the chair in front of his face like he did or that wouldn’t have worked. Taz goes for a head and arms suplex off the top and Van Dam just falls off the top. Nothing more than that: he just fell. I guess everybody screws up now and then, but the match sucking isn’t helping. Five Star ends it with no drama anywhere in sight.

Rating: D. Seriously, this was boring. It should have headlined the biggest show ever for the company and have gotten RVD the world title but instead it’s another defense for RVD in a match with zero heat on it because no one believed Taz would win. The match was just bad too with blown spots and contrived looking stuff all over the place. Not the worst match ever, but completely underwhelming on all levels. The bad grade is more for the disappointment than anything else.

With NO transition, it’s main event time.

Rhyno/Justin Credible/Lance Storm vs. Sandman/Tommy Dreamer/Raven

Literally, we see RVD celebrating and then Rhyno’s music is playing. At least we get to look at Dawn Marie. Francine comes out in a bikini. Ok then. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at this point. Sandman’s entrance effectively kills five minutes of the show. Why is this a big match? Not important. Why are they fighting? Not important. Why are these people teaming together? Not important.

 

Actually, I don’t think any of these feuds/matches have been explained. Not important I guess. So with like 5 minutes, the heels don’t bother jumping Raven and Dreamer at all. Brilliant there guys. It’s a good sign when you can walk around for the length of Enter Sandman. We’re already past the prayer. Tommy has a case around hits elbow. Wasn’t he supposed to retire?

 

We kill more time by doing entrances. Seriously nearly fifteen minutes have passed since the end of the previous match. Hey it’s a bell and we’re going to get a match! Sandman vs. Rhyno start us off since Justin makes a fast tag when he sees who is starting for the faces. And we stall. Raven won’t tag Dreamer. The showdown here is Sandman vs. Credible but we don’t get it yet due to Credible running.

 

Credible had allegedly run Sandman out of ECW to WCW where he sucked for the most part. We actually have something close to a wrestling match for a little bit. You can tell this is the super show. Storm vs. Sandman is a weird pairing to say the least. I’m not sure if Rhyno had the Gore or not yet. Raven punches Dreamer to get the hot tag.

 

Apparently he does have the Gore as he uses a bad one on Raven. Yep it’s a big brawl. They lasted all of 7 minutes without one. That has to be a record for a main event here. DDT to Credible gets two. Raven and Dreamer working together is weird and just as I say that Raven drop toe holds him into a chair. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! The Gore hits Storm and Sandman has a cane.

 

The girls go at it for a bit. Dawn isn’t wearing underwear. Nice. Raven possibly accidentally canes Sandman and Credible hits the Tombstone for the pin. Raven didn’t make the save though. That’s how it ends? Also Joey is SHOCKED that Raven would be a heel. Uh why? That’s the end of the show mind you. Well that and the 4 minutes of highlights. Show ended after two and a half hours for all intents and purposes.

Rating: F+. This is the main event of the biggest show of the year and it doesn’t even break ten minutes? This felt like a total filler match and nothing more. Does this actually change anything? Raven is a bad guy. Is this supposed to be like surprising or something? Seriously, why was this on last? With RVD and Taz at least it would have felt huge. This feels like just another match. I have no idea what Heyman was thinking back then, but it couldn’t have been coherent.

OverallRating: D. Again, how in the world is this supposed to be the main show of the year? It felt like it was missing about thirty minutes. The opening half hour is a massive mess and Taz being ticked off, the two more hardcore matches are forgettable at their best with Sabu and Candido being ok at best, the title matches had nothing of note at all, and the main event was entirely lackluster.

 

Tell me: what is different after this show? Nothing at all has changed. Tanaka would take the title from Awesome around Christmas on television only to drop it back six days later. This show is just totally lacking any kind of special feeling to it and it would for any kind of PPV, not just a mega show like this. Take a pass here, but it’s not terrible I guess.

 

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Anarchy Rulz 1999
Date: September 19, 1999
Location: Odeum Expo Center, Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

And so it dies here. No not the company as they held onto life, if you want to call it that, for about another 16 months after this. Taz leaves here though, as WWF came with a huge sum of money about three weeks after ECW debuted on TNN. The Dudleys already left about two weeks earlier. Word has gotten out that Taz is leaving too, so don’t expect him to be incredibly over tonight. Other than that, there isn’t much on the card. Storm vs. Lynn should be fun though. Let’s get to it.

We see Masato Tanaka showing up. He’s the number one contender. I’m not sure but I think that was Dave Prazak doing the interview. Awesome’s manager shows up and doesn’t like Tanaka. He gets smacked.

Cyrus and Joey do the intro you would expect before we throw it to the theme song.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

We start with this? Really? I guess part of anarchy is that we’re getting rid of the best match right off the bat for some reason. Dawn Marie’s dress is almost not even there. These are two of my favorites from ECW so I’ll be pleased with this more than likely. Jerry’s ribs are messed up because the Impact Players beat him up about a week before.

Lance Storm having his own personal woman is just amusing as all get out. Crowd is pretty one sided to say the least. We have a nice technical piece to start. Did you expect anything else? The fans applaud which is always a good sign. ECW fans were fair if nothing else. I’ve always liked Joey’s mentioning of the referees. They work extremely hard and rarely get the credit that they deserve. Storm’s chops kind of suck.

There’s a bad delay right before it connects and it makes them look really weak. The fans get bored with the match and would like to see something from Dawn. Cyrus gets a nice line in by saying that Storm is a step ahead of Gene Kiniski who was billed as Canada’s Greatest Athlete: he’s CALGARY’S Greatest Athlete. That’s a great line and could be solid for a heel in a territorial promotion.

The referee yells at someone at ringside for a LONG time with his eyes totally away from the action. Nice one guys. Jerry hits a nice plancha from the top rope to the floor and down goes Storm. Having Cyrus as an analyst is a GREAT help. Joey is fun to listen to but there is simply too much to have one guy do. That’s not a knock on Styles. It’s too much for anyone. Having an analyst in there takes a ton of pressure off of Joey and it’s helping a lot.

Cradle piledriver is blocked. Again, can someone explain the difference to me? SWEET pinfall reversal sequence that goes on for nearly a minute straight. That’s VERY impressive and literally gets a standing ovation from the crowd. They go wide to show it and they quite well should. Amazing stuff as I knew it would be. Cyrus points out that he used to be a wrestler which is something that needs to be done more often.

TNA has been doing it more often lately as they point out that Taz used to be a wrestler. He’s been retired what, 9 years or so? A LOT of fans likely haven’t seen him wrestle. How long has it been for King? Point out to the fans that he actually has experience. Jerry is a former world champion as is Taz. Let the fans know that once in awhile. There’s a chair wedged in the corner that hasn’t been doing anything yet.

Lynn is thrown into the corner but slides to avoid the steel macguffin. He slams his ribs into the post though and Storm goes after it like a Hart-trained wrestler attempting to use basic psychology. Lynn hits a Stunner out of nowhere to get us back to even. I love when wrestlers just bust out random moves.

It makes no sense that so many guys only use their signature stuff. Use whatever comes to mind, at least in kayfabe terms. Storm hits a knee to the ribs and hooks a ¾ nelson of all things for the clean pin? That came out of NOWHERE. It’s fine to end it that way as it looked solid, but DANG that was random.

Rating: A-. I loved this and yes it’s biased. Even still though, this was very solid stuff. See what happens with simple psychology and good wrestling? It works very well indeed and you get a great match that I was way into. This worked and to be fair it’s probably because they’re two of my favorites in ECW.

Joey and Cyrus argue about “the office.”

Simon Diamond is here. He used to screw Dawn Marie so he’s awesome. He talks in the 3rd person but has none of Rock’s talent so there you go. He is looking for a partner and asks for Tom Marquez who graduated from the House of Hardcore. And that’s not good enough because Simon didn’t say it. There is no man here to fight Simon. And cue Jazz. Apparently he’s looking for a partner. Which is why he asked for someone to fight. Got it.

She’s a face at this point and is in no way shape or form a Chyna rip-off. Nope, not at all is she, the woman that looks tough and is overly muscular and fighting men a rip-off of Chyna. Not at all. Diamond runs his mouth off and yells at Marquez, the timekeeper tonight, to fight Jazz. Sure why not.

Jazz vs. Tom Marquez

Jazz gets beaten up for awhile and then hits a mat slam for a long two but a guy named Tony DeVito pulls the referee out. Yeah this wasn’t a match. 45 seconds at most.

Chris Chetti and Nova run out for the save and apparently THIS is a tag match now.

Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Tony DeVito/Simon Diamond

Apparently Nova is the most ripped off wrestler in the world as whatever he invents is on Monday night the next week. While that’s true to an extent, I’ll let it go and let Mr. Joey Pot and Cyrus Kettle, call this match. Wow that Jazz is BLACK. WOW that joke sucked. Anyway, you get the idea I think. DeVito goes for a Rock Bottom and botches the living tar out of it. And after about two minutes Danny Doring and Roadkill along with that redhead chick named Angelica run out for the DQ. Yes it’s Lita.

Rating: N/A. Two minutes of just boring stuff.

They hit Jazz with the Hart Attack. A ton of jobbers come out to stop Roadkill and it’s just a massive brawl. And now we get the point to all this: it’s New Jack. Oh why does he have to come back? I’m sure you know my thoughts on New Jack by now. One of the jobbers in there is the semi-famous Big Vito.

Staple gun to the head of some guy. And we do it again. Make it three times. I hate New Jack. I truly do. Nova and Chetti seem to like him though. Ok to be fair, the crowd is going nuts over this.

Tour ad.

Cyrus and Joey argue some more.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

During the entrances, Joey says he’s more or less high on laryngitis medications. Ok then. Tajiri is in his traditional look now. Crowd seems to favor Crazy the best. They point out the three distinct styles here which is a nice touch. Well this is better than another combination them going one on one again I guess. Oh and Big Sal is now the Big Salbowski. Give me a break.

Yes I get that it’s an intentional parody, but if this was the other way around, ECW would be FREAKING over WWF taking another idea from them. When ECW does it, it’s a parody though. Yeah that’s annoying. The chant of Where’s My Pizza starts up. WOW those get annoying. It’s your basic spotfest to start: stupid but fun. Guido hooks a camel clutch on Crazy and Tajiri kicks the heck out of him. They set for it again and Tajiri kicks the heck out of Guido. Nice one.

Tajiri hits a picture perfect moonsault to the floor to take out both guys. It was of the Asai breed in case you were curious. Guido hits a second rope Fameasser which looked good. Not sure why but it did. Crazy one ups Tajiri by hitting a top rope Asai moonsault and lands ON HIS FEET. That was awesome looking. In a SICK spot, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip on Crazy but it’s blocked. Tajiri pulls himself back up, spins crazy around and hooks the Tarantula.

Guido throws in a great double foot to the face. That was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. Guido gets the Sicilian Crab at the same time Crazy gets a camel clutch. Tajiri was totally off the ground. Ton of sick spots in this match. That baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe is always great. Crazy follows that up with a moonsault to put Guido out.

It’s elimination rules in case you didn’t get that so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy. The ten punch count being in Spanish is always a nice touch. The handspring elbow hits for Tajiri. We get a Super Loco chant. When they get creative like that I can live with them. Tajiri blocks the triple moonsault and just goes off on Crazy. A SICK brainbuster ends it.

Rating: B-. This is an odd match. The spots were great and I liked them a lot, but I just could not get into the match as a whole if that makes sense. I think it’s because this has been done so many times now that there’s just no real reason to care about this match. It was fun, but there’s just nothing of substance to it. Nice spot fest though.

We throw it to Steve Corino who says they were going to bring in the Insane Clown Posse to fight Raven and Dreamer tonight. And they’re not here. Corino was the manager apparently and brought them in. Instead Raven and Dreamer get Rhino and Corino. Ok then.

Billy Corgin is here.

They rant about WCW or something or other for awhile.

Justin Credible vs. Sabu

Does anyone else find it stupid that ECW says Sabu is genocidal? That’s just a bit of overkill. Sabu was banned for no apparent reason. Justin has a restraining order. Sacre bleu. What a waste of my time. Yes I quoted Smart Guy of all things. The referee says it’s a legal document, but there is no law tonight since Anarchy Rulz. Justin drills the announcer for saying it and the lights go out. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the Impact Players got him banned for being too violent. Fonzie gets a table for Sabu. Justin gets a Russian leg sweep on the ramp which looked good. I’d expect that’s the only wrestling move for awhile. Sabu goes through a table for some reason. Did anyone care about Credible? I don’t really think so. We get a vague Kliq reference which Justin was a part of in the back.

Sabu hits a big spot and Joey calls it indescribable just before he, say it with me, DESCRIBES IT. A bunch of overblown table spots follow. I don’t care either. So since Justin is having his head handed to him, I’m more or less counting down the time until the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY comeback that gives Justin the win. Cyrus finds Fonzie annoying. That’s very amusing. Justin is bleeding fairly badly.

A kendo stick shot gets two but Sabu has his foot on the ropes. Ok, so legally binding documents aren’t legal, but the ropes are. Got it. That’s Incredible gets two. Fonzie slides in a chair but it hits Sabu in the head. Nice one. BAD looking tombstone (That’s Incredible) on the chair ends it.

Rating: D-. The only word that came to my mind here was meh. I just totally did not care here for a few reasons. One, it’s Justin Credible. Two, you bring Sabu back to have him job? What sense does that make? The match was sloppy as all goodness and just bad. Didn’t like this at all, mainly due to the idiotic booking as Heyman continues to insist that Justin is some ring god.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did.

That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this. Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz. Yeah this was a total secret right? Awesome hits a sweet Tope (Taker Dive) to the floor to take Tanaka down. This is your standard solid match with these two. Naturally chairs and tables are brought into play but you have to expect that in ECW. Tanaka hits a Tornado DDT on a chair for two.

And Tanaka gets powerbombed over the top to the floor through a table. Top rope splash follows that for two. Ok then. Tanaka no sells three LOUD chair shots and this Diamond Dust which is an awesome move. It’s table time again with Awesome in control again. Awesome hits a top rope powerbomb for the pin. Yeah that works but a chair shot to the head from the top doesn’t? Taz hands him the belt after the match. The roster says goodbye to Taz as no one cares about Axl Rotten. The fans loving Taz now is kind of stupid. Taz tells them to chant for Awesome. Nice touch there.

Rating: B. Usual good stuff here from these two, but at times the no selling gets annoying. Still though, this was a shock to some people and it was a nice touch throwing Awesome in there as people knew Taz was losing, so here we didn’t know who was leaving with the belt. This was good.

Raven is hanging out by a swing and runs down the majority of the feud between him and Dreamer. The “It’s Tommy’s” line gets me every time. And no, I’m not running down that whole feud. The thing was excellent though. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at the moment. Raven says he let Dreamer beat him that night. This is the Raven that everyone loved and he was awesome. He quotes Keyser Soze. How awesome is that?

Gertner comes out to interrupt the announcer and the crowd pops. And here are Francine and Dreamer. Man in the Box is always awesome so I can’t complain. To get it over with, the Dudleys were leaving and Dreamer stood up to them. Raven ran in to be his partner and they won the tag titles. They hate each other though and Dreamer is hurt badly so Raven is making him wrestle until he’s crippled.

Simple in a way I guess. Dreamer says he won’t be cutting a babyface promo. And cue the babyface promo. He’s going to wrestle no matter what the doctors say. And here’s Corino so I’d bet we’re getting a tag title match. Ok never mind as it’s a singles match with Rhino. Pay no attention to the fact that they said there would be a tag title match later tonight with these three and Raven which is inevitable. Yeah I’m not even counting this as a match because Raven is just killing time before he gets here. They’re just wasting time and HERE’S Raven.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino/Rhino

Jack Victory, the sidekick of Corino and Rhino comes in to help and a double DDT ends this about 12 seconds after Raven gets there.

Rating: N/A. Can someone tell me when the match ended and when it started?

Mancow, some annoying DJ that had TWO WCW PPV matches comes out with some fat guys since we have a ton of time left. They do nothing other than high five Raven and leave. WOW.

Ad for November to Remember.

So with 35 minutes left in the tape there’s just RVD to go.

Axl Rotten comes out to talk. Seriously, why does this guy keep getting on PPV? He wants the shot at Awesome. Please come murder him. Instead it’s the Impact Players and a British guy named Johnny Smith. Apparently Smith vs. RVD is the main event. Rotten says the people are cheering for the women and not the talent.

Insert your Becca joke here. Balls Mahoney and Spike come in for the save and Dawn gets hit with an Acid Drop. Smith takes a BIG chair shot and leaves. So Balls gets the title shot instead. Oh dear.

ECW TV Title: Balls Mahoney vs. Rob Van Dam

And we have half an hour to go and this is the main event. Oh my goodness this could be painful. So we have Lynn who is obsessed with beating Van Dam and we get….Balls Mahoney vs. RVD. And people wonder why this company died. So Van Dam walks around for a few minutes to kill time. Wouldn’t a five minute match be a better use of time?

Oh that’s right: that army of jobbers had to be beaten up by New Jack instead of having a quick match. So with 25 minutes to go, NO ONE buys Mahoney having a prayer here. Seriously, they’re just blatantly wasting time now. I can’t get over Balls Mahoney main eventing a PPV. Seriously, no one cares about this match at all. All I’m doing is watching the clock on the player to wait until this is over.

Are those punches Balls throws supposed to be impressive or something? Van Dam hits a nice dive from the top into the crowd. And that ends anything interesting in this match. Seriously, the rest is more or less nothing but punches, kicks, chair shots and Balls doing moves he botches. This got TWENTY MINUTES.

Yeah I skipped a lot of the details here, but other than managing to kill an ECW crowd in a town like Chicago, this is the least interesting main event I can ever remember. Just terrible. A video package of the show fills in the final three minutes of the show.

Rating: F. Balls Mahoney main evented a PPV. That should be a meme somewhere for EPIC FAIL.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t completely terrible. There are some good matches here, but good night the stuff that sucked was sucking hard. The opener and world title match were both very solid but the rest is completely forgettable. The three way cruiserweight match was fine for what it was but it’s been done WAY too much for me to care again. Not completely terrible, but nothing worth seeing. Storm and Lynn and the title match are good though.

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