Monday Nitro #254
Date: August 21, 2000
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Wichita, Kansas
Attendance: 5,211
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray

Dang we’re flying through August. I’m not sure why but it feels like this month is going by faster than any has in months. Maybe I’m just talking about this because I don’t want to talk about what’s going on in WCW at the moment. We’re almost up to Fall Brawl and the main feud is still Booker T. vs. Kevin Nash. Let’s get to it.

Two notes before we get to the show. First of all, of the 5,200 people here, about 3,000 were comped. Second, there was a house show two nights before this show in Sioux City, Iowa. The show’s main event: Stevie Ray vs. Jeff Jarrett. I don’t know if that’s a regular main event for WCW at this point, but add it to the list of reasons this company is on its last legs.

We open with a recap of Russo’s shoot from last week where he wanted to fire Goldberg. Thankfully this turns into a video about Goldberg beating up a bunch of people instead. As in something people might want to watch.

Russo is on the phone with Scott Steiner, who he promises that tonight is the night. Jeff Jarrett comes in and says they need to get rid of Goldberg. Russo assures him that it’s going to work.

We see a clip of Team Canada being awesome on Thunder.

Cruiserweight Title: Elix Skipper vs. Lieutenant Loco

Skipper is defending and Lance Storm is on commentary. Rection is outside as well and starts a USA chant to get things going. They start fast (likely due to having almost no time) with Loco uppercutting the champ into the corner. A belly to back suplex looks to set up an early frog splash but Lance breaks it up with a flag shot. Rection and Storm start brawling at ringside as Skipper brings in a chair, only to have it quickly taken away. That’s the point though as Elix slips on his Grey Cup ring to knock Loco out for the pin.

We cut to the back less than five seconds after the pin to see Goldberg arriving.

Russo is on the phone with Scott and asks if he’s ready. For some reason we cut to another camera shot of Steiner saying he’s ready. Why was that camera set up?

Here’s Russo with a bunch of security and something to say. Russo talks about wanting to get off TV but they keep pulling him back in. And wouldn’t you know it, they brought him right back into one of the show’s top stories. Right now his problem is Goldberg, who runs through the crowd to take out security. Since Russo is MANLY though, Goldberg isn’t allowed to touch him due to the contract.

Therefore, Russo has an offer Goldberg can’t refuse. He pulls out a release for Goldberg which will include full payment of his contract and he can show up next Monday anywhere he wants. The papers are quickly ripped up so Russo runs his mouth even more, talking about how Jarrett, Nash and Steiner all want a piece of Goldberg tonight. Russo brings up Goldberg’s girlfriend (Beth, though I doubt I’m going to remember that) and that’s enough for Goldberg to snap. Steiner pops up on screen and he breaks into a hotel room. We see Goldberg’s girlfriend freaking out so Goldberg runs off, naturally leaving Russo posing in the ring.

Wait we’re not done yet though as Booker T. comes out to deal with Russo. You know, because so many people want to. Booker wants Russo to tell Nash that he’ll be waiting all night for the big man. Russo is NO ONE’S delivery service though because Russo made Booker. Booker was at the bottom of WCW, where Russo thinks he should still be.

So wait, is this the real Russo or was it the real Russo when he said Booker deserved to be in the main event at Bash at the Beach? Or am I just stupid for trying to figure all this out? Anyway, Booker kicks him down and gets in an ax kick for one of the few times you’ll see Russo take a beating.

Goldberg rides off on his motorcycle.

Russo yells at the Natural Born Thrillers (now with shirts) and gives Palumbo the World Title shot if Nash isn’t here on time.

Corporal Cajun/Major Gunns vs. Paisley/Kwee Wee

So Papaya is officially gone. Paisley shoves Gunns off the apron to start and Gunns…stares. Ok then. The guys start (thank goodness) with Cajun getting two off a right hand. It’s off to Gunns for one off a middle rope sunset flip before tagging Cajun back in. Paisley comes in to stand in the corner so Cajun can catapult Kwee Wee into her. Everything breaks down and the women are of course horrible. Cajun launches Gunns off the middle rope into a cross body for the pin. The guys were watchable at best and they were definitely the better part. Oh and the wrong music plays when the Misfits win.

The losers beat down the winners post match.

Russo tells Steiner to be ready for Goldberg.

Here are Tank and 3 Count to sing Tank’s new song (including lyrics about tearing out your spleen and chewing on your bladder) but Tank thinks the band screwed up. Tank goes to leave but Vampiro and the Insane Clown Posse come out to beat all four of them down. Vampiro says this is the Dark Carnival and says Juggalo Championship Wrestling is officially taking over. He holds up the JCW Title, which is somehow still around in 2016. Vampiro rants about politics and promises that he’s just getting started with Steve Borden. Tank gets back in to clear the ring out and wants a JCW Title match tonight.

Here are the Natural Born Thrillers (minus Palumbo, who is getting ready) for their debut promo. Sanders gets the mic (thank goodness) and talks about spending the last two years watching the A-list stars draw below average ratings. There’s a man at the Power Plant who has been treating them like like garbage. Sanders introduces the team and says Palumbo is going to be champion by the end of the night. Opportunity has been knocking and they’re going to give the kids someone to look up to, the men a reason to get into the gym and the women a fantasy for every night.

Cue the Filthy Animals (because Russo LOVES faction wars) with Konnan saying he thought Tank Abbott’s promos were bad. Konnan rants about them never paying any dues and having no experience in this sport. They’ve never held a title or worked at this a day in their life. Konnan’s verdict: they ain’t got it like that.

Natural Born Thrillers vs. Filthy Animals

Konnan is the odd man out and it’s O’Haire/Jindrak/Sanders in the ring. Stasiak and Konnan are on commentary (talking about Stasiak’s pet gorilla) as Rey fires off rights and lefts at Jindrak. Konnan says the Tag Team Titles are on the line here but for some reason I don’t think that’s accurate. A tilt-a-whirl slam takes Jindrak down as Konnan wants to know how Stasiak hurt his knee when he just stands in the corner and poses.

It’s off to Disqo for an elbow drop as I’m trying to figure out when the Animals turned face. Madden says this is better than watching a bunch of old guys, which Konnan refers to a traveling wax museum doing a legdrop a clothesline and posing. O’Haire and Sanders double team Disqo down to take over before it’s Jindrak coming in with a springboard clothesline. A quick Russian legsweep takes Mark down (Disqo was always totally watchable in the ring) and it’s off to Juvy with a springboard spinwheel kick.

Juvy takes Mark down with a middle rope hurricanrana and it’s time for Rey, who is quickly crotched to change control again. Konnan ribs on the Natural Born Thrillers name in a funny bit as Sanders launches Rey into an O’Haire powerslam for two. A sick Batista bomb gets two more on Rey with Disqo having to make the save.

Rey takes Mark down with a headscissors and the hot tag brings in Juvy to clean house. Disqo DDT’s Jindrak and it’s Bronco Busters all around. Tygress hits one of her own so Konnan can debut FACE FULL OF STUFF. Everything breaks down until it’s Sanders debuting the 3.0 (Randy Orton’s backbreaker) for the pin on Disqo.

Rating: B-. Probably high but I have to take what I can get on these shows. Above all else this got some time (a bit over eight minutes, an eternity on Nitro) and the match was able to go somewhere. Konnan was actually really good on commentary here and made me want to see the Animals win and was making me laugh at the same time. This is the kind of match that WCW needed to have a lot more of, but you would have to be crazy to think any of these guys were getting past the Tag Team Titles, which is where so many of WCW’s problems came from: the introduction was good but it never materialized.

We see Goldb….oh wait make sure to keep the camera on O’Haire hitting the Seanton bomb on Tygress. Ok we’ve got the violence on the woman in so now we can go to see Goldberg arrive at the hotel.

Tygress is helped to the back.

Palumbo is getting the shot tonight because Nash just isn’t here. Well at least they’re finally going somewhere with the “they’re always late” idea.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Chuck Palumbo

Booker is defending and oh sweet Russo is guest referee (naturally not even selling the beatdown from earlier). The champ works on a hammerlock to start and drops him with a quick Harlem side kick. A suplex drops Palumbo but Booker tweaks his knee again. Booker rolls him up for no count and yeah we’re doing this gem again. Palumbo gets in a shot for a very fast two and fires off some of those awesome right hands.

Booker’s sunset flip out of the corner gets Russo crawling around but stopping before one. A powerslam gets a fast near fall but Booker blasts him with a spinning forearm. The champ grabs a flapjack and Spinaroonis up, only to have the Thrillers hit the ring. Reno Rolls the Dice on Booker until Vito runs out with the stickball bat for the save. Now it’s Nash coming in with a chair to Booker’s head for a fast counted three from Booker.

Oh of course not as the Cat comes out to say Eric Bischoff made him the Commissioner and Russo is the writer. That means they’re equal (HUH?) so this match isn’t over. Wouldn’t that mean he’s overriding Russo which doesn’t work if they’re equal? The Thrillers are ejected and Booker is still officially champion because the match never ended. Booker wants to keep the match going so Cat appoints himself as referee. Good thing he had a referee shirt under his regular shirt (of course) as Russo takes over on commentary. Booker does his quick finishing sequence and retains with the Book End.

Rating: D. I lost track of what I was watching here. In other words, it’s another one of WCW’s major problems at this point: things going so fast that you can barely keep track of the match, let alone the show. It also brings up the question of why was Nash late, because apparently he arrived in between the start of the match and the four minute mark, which is quite the lucky timing. Anyway, Palumbo was trying but there was WAY too much going on to showcase anyone.

Goldberg is almost at the room! Seriously that’s how Tony put it.

Post break Goldberg gets in the ring and finds a note on the mirror saying they’re back at the arena. So it’s another movie episode.

JCW Title: Tank Abbott vs. Vampiro

Vampiro is defending and the Insane Clown Posse has taken over commentary, in whatever their over the top characters are of course. One of them dubs Tank “Pink Rabbit” and the other calls him “Hank Sandwich.” I’m not a fan of the Clowns but I remember their commentary being some of the funniest stuff I had ever heard. Vampiro kicks “Frank Rabbit’s” leg as the announcers try to figure out what Tank’s leg is made of. Tank punches the referee by mistake and then goes after Vampiro, drawing the Clowns into the ring. Muta comes in and mists Tank but 3 Count runs in for the save as this is thrown out.

Scott Steiner drags Goldberg’s girlfriend into the arena. As usual, women in a Russo promotion are helpless.

Russo gives Vito a match with Nash tonight.

Hardcore Title: Kronik vs. Norman Smiley

Smiley is the reluctant champion and asked for this match. Adams is in street clothes (I don’t want to see that street) so he sits in on commentary while Clark is left alone in the ring. Smiley, who wants to lose the title, starts swinging a kendo stick until Clark takes it away. I think you can figure out what’s going to happen next so I’ll let you put the pieces together yourself.

Clark kicks a trashcan into his face so Smiley goes outside and slaps Adams. That earns Norman a full nelson slam from Adams and the Meltdown from Clark as we’re just waiting on the Harris Twins. Adams goes to get a table (and finds smoke under the ring for some reason) before sitting back on commentary as the Twins come in and lay out Kronik with a chain. An H Bomb through a table retains Norman’s title, much to his chagrin.

Rating: F. It’s rare that a TV show gives me more than one match where I don’t know what to say but Russo has pulled it off. The match was just a backdrop for the comedy angle and another run-in to set up a match that almost no one wants to see. Kronik needed to get out of the tag division but the Harris Twins were the best opponents they could get? What did I do to get stuck with this?

Cat tells Lance Storm that Carl Oulette’s work visa has been denied so Storm is defending the US Title in a tag match against Mike Awesome and General Rection. Storm’s partner is a surprise. Oh dear.

Steiner tells Goldberg’s girlfriend that she’s a pawn.

Vito goes on a rant about how Russo isn’t his friend but tonight he’s going to fight the biggest guy in WCW.

Kevin Nash vs. Big Vito

Nash pounds him into the corner to start because Vito has been getting a very moderate push tonight so we need to crush him before it gets out of hand. There’s the boot choke but Vito escapes Snake Eyes and scores with the Mafia kick. A suplex and legdrop get two on Nash but he comes right back with a bit boot and side slam for two. Now Snake Eyes works and a chokeslam gets two. The straps go down and Nash scores with the Jackknife, only to have Booker come in (with his music playing for all of a second and a half) for the DQ.

Rating: D. As usual Nash doesn’t let anyone get in anything significant on him, though at least the Mafia kick got to make contact. You knew Vito wasn’t going to win here because he’s a main eventer though and Vito is in his early 30s. Nothing to see here as usual but at least Booker got in a shot on Nash.

Vito won’t get medical attention. I’m guessing that’s his rub.

US Title: Lance Storm/??? vs. General Rection/Mike Awesome

Storm is defending and whoever gets the pin gets the title. The Canadian flag comes out and Storm gets in some shots at the fans, only to be cut off by Jeff Jarrett’s music. Rection and Awesome get no music for reasons that aren’t clear. The production staff is way off tonight. Rection knocks Storm into the corner to start before dropping him with a gorilla press. Jeff is smart enough to kick Rection in the back, allowing Storm to nail a superkick to take over.

Jarrett breaks up a cover by Storm as the match is already getting too confusing. Rection misses a top rope elbow but Awesome tags himself in as everything breaks down. A big powerbomb puts Storm down with Jeff having to make a save, leaving Rection to hit No Laughing Matter on the champ. Cue Skipper to make a save of his own and Jeff adds a guitar shot to Mike (which might have been meant for Storm) to let Lance retain the title.

Rating: D. Another match with a bunch of stuff crammed into less than four minutes, meaning there was almost no way to catch everything. That just should not happen in a match this short, even if it was designed to set up a feud with Awesome vs. Jarrett and continue the Rection vs. Storm feud, which really isn’t of note anyway.

Steiner drags the girlfriend to the ring because she’s there to make men look dominant and powerful. Scott rants about how Goldberg started this before calling her a rather bad name for a woman as well as ugly. Goldberg slowly walks out until Jarrett hits him in the back with a chair. The villains double team Goldberg as the girlfriend watches in fear. Booker tries to make a save but Nash comes in. Goldberg fights back until Rick Steiner runs out with a pipe to put Goldberg down. They handcuff him in the corner and Steiner puts the girlfriend in the Recliner right in front of Goldberg to end the show (two minutes before the hour).

Overall Rating: D-. It takes a lot to make me uncomfortable watching wrestling. When you’ve been watching for nearly thirty years, you really do think you’ve seen everything. However, the way Russo books women on his shows are actually making me cringe. From what I can count, the following women were on this show: Beth, Major Gunns, Paisley and Tygress. Here’s what happened to them:

Major Gunns – Nothing

Tygress – Seanton bomb

Paisley – Splashed by Kwee Wee

Beth – Kidnapped, called an ugly b**** and put in the Steiner Recliner

Keep in mind that Goldberg vs. Steiner is happening because Goldberg (at least off camera) put Midajah through a table. Assuming you believe the plans that were only abandoned because the company went under, Russo was going to get to be announced as the father of Miss Hancock’s baby (no word on whether it would have been consensual).

Watching these shows is like some weird therapy as Russo tries to work out his horrible issues with women. On these shows, women are regularly beaten up, treated like garbage, jump from one man to another (Paisley), breaking a man’s heart because she doesn’t get that he’s crazy about her (Crowbar), or put in mud matches. This stuff keeps happening and it’s getting more and more disturbing to watch almost every single week.

Other than that though, this show was your usual borderline disaster with the stories feeling more like a straight to video movie and the wrestling ranging from not bad to barely worth the time. The baseline problem of this show continues to be having too much going on, leaving little time to actually build anything up. The Thrillers are a nice idea but there’s no reason to believe they’re going anywhere long term. It’s fine to see them get pushed though, even it it means nothing. Bad show overall, even with the talent trying its hardest to shine through.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #246
Date: June 26, 2000
Location: Veterans Memorial Auditorium, Des Moines, Iowa
Attendance: 4,573
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Russo is still gone over his latest backstage issue (something involving talent being moved around against his wishes), meaning we might be in for something watchable again tonight. We’re coming up on Bash at the Beach (where the watchableness ends) and the top matches of Hogan vs. Jarrett for the title and Nash vs. Goldberg for Hall’s contract (which was eaten one night and totally fine two nights later). Let’s get to it.

Quick recap of last week to open things up. Sign of the recent times: this made sense!

Cat is talking with his limo driver.

Here’s Cat to open things up, after walking past a fan flipping him off. Bash at the Beach is going to be a great show when Jarrett beats Hogan and Goldberg finally gets rid of Scott Hall. I agree, he’s been such a nuisance lately. As for tonight, there’s a four corners match for the World Title. Again, WHY DO THEY KEEP MAKING JARRETT DEFEND THE TITLE??? It doesn’t make sense! There will be two qualifying matches with Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome and Scott Steiner vs. Shane Douglas. The third challenger will be Goldberg who gets a bye.

This brings out…..Jim Duggan? He’s been sitting in the back long enough and now it’s time for him to stand up for the heroes around here. Duggan wants Goldberg tonight to beat some sense back into him and turn him into the man he used to be. The match is on and Duggan says that despite his health issues, Cat is going to have to explain why old Hacksaw is WCW World Champion. It’s cool to see Duggan back, but this would have been a way to give someone a rub by having them call out Goldberg.

Shane isn’t happy with his match tonight.

Kanyon is holding a book signing but no one has shown up. I’d have gone.

Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak vs. Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera

This is the start of one of the last eras in WCW as they FINALLY tried to infuse some new talent, albeit a year or two late. Before the match, Konnan talks about cranberries and Disco repeats what he can understand. Jindrak and O’Haire are both about 6’5 and throw Juvy around with ease. A half scoop/half gorilla press sends Juvy flying and a big clothesline drops him again.

Jindrak misses a splash and a Mysterio clothesline sends him into a sunset flip fro Juvy. What’s Up with a legdrop instead of a headbutt has Mark in even more trouble. Sean gets knocked off the apron but Jindrak ducks so Rey and Juvy dropkick each other. O’Haire comes in with a top rope double clothesline and a double suplex drops the Animals again. A tilt-a-whirl slam from Jindrak sets up a swanton bomb (later the Seanton Bomb) from O’Haire for the huge upset pin on Juvy.

Rating: C-. WHERE WAS THIS TWO YEARS AGO??? This is what’s so frustrating about WCW: they clearly know how to solve these problems and give a new team a good rub but they would rather all the young people fight each other while the old talent sits on their mountaintop. Jindrak and O’Haire weren’t the Dudleyz or the Hardyz but they were young, in good shape and won clean. That’s more than most young guys can say they’ve accomplished in years in WCW so they’re off to a good start.

Post match the Animals beat down the rookies until Lance Storm makes the save.

Cat tells the Animals to find Storm and bring him to the office.

Duggan’s wife can’t talk him out of the match.

Video on Big Vito.

Here’s Big Vito with two kendo sticks and an open challenge. No word on if this is for the title.

Big Vito vs. Jamie-San

Jamie gets beaten down with one of the sticks to start so Yang comes in to help. That earns him a beating as well so Kaz has to come in with a missile dropkick. The Dragons start triple teaming with kicks and Jamie adds a flapjack. A moonsault, missile dropkick and high cross body set up a triple guillotine legdrop to leave Vito laying. No referee so no match but was there a need to crush a champion like that?

Terry Funk offers Johnny the Bull a pep talk in the form of a chair to the back. A friendly chair to the back that is.

The Perfect Event goes into the production truck but Woody Woodpecker (guy from Thunder) leaves instead of dealing with them again.

Shane asks Big Smooth (the limo driver’s name) to get him out of here but Smooth has an idea.

The Filthy Animals play Scooby and the Gang to look for Storm.

Tank Abbott is watching in the back with the face of a thirteen year old girl. 3 Count comes to the ring to their new song, prompting Tank to dance all over the place. The music cuts off though and Tank is MAD. Woody comes up to say it was the Perfect Event (that’s VERY convenient timing) so Tank storms the production truck and drags them to the ring. Since he’s Tank Abbott, they’re defending the titles right now.

Tag Team Titles: Perfect Event vs. 3 Count

Karagias is the odd man out here. 3 Count starts fast with some dives over the top before Palumbo takes a Samoan drop/neckbreaker combo. Stasiak comes in with a cheap shot and the champs take over with a bunch of stomping in the corner, though it’s no Unicorn Stampede. A shoulder from Palumbo gets two on Helms and we get a lot more stomping.

Stasiak’s powerbomb is countered into a DDT and it’s off to Moore for some house cleaning. Shannon tries a high cross body but dives into a fall away slam from Palumbo. Heel miscommunication and Moore grabs a quick hurricanrana but there’s no referee. The exercise bar from Palumbo knocks Moore out and a double flapjack retains the titles.

Rating: D+. Well at least a young team won. With O’Haire and Jindrak debuting earlier, there’s actually something resembling a youth movement but at the same time, I have no reason to believe that these guys are going anywhere near the main event. I don’t know why I should think otherwise as it never happens around here, which is part of why this company is in the place it’s in. At least we’re getting something new though and I’ll take that over Bagwell and Douglas as champions all day.

Kronik comes out to clean house. As they leave, 3 Count wants to sing but Kronik chases them off. This brings out Tank to lay Adams out and it’s time for a dance party. Tank sucks in the ring but he’s way too entertaining in this role.

Juvy gets knocked out from behind. We can’t see who did it.

Duggan tells his wife that he’s ready and knows he can beat Goldberg.

Kanyon now has a line of people. His secret: free booze.

Video on Jim Duggan’s recovery from cancer and his return to the ring. That’s always cool to hear.

World Title Qualifying Match: Goldberg vs. Jim Duggan

The referee has to duck Duggan’s swinging flag. Before the match, Cat says there’s no interference and no 2×4 allowed. Again: that’s normal, not some special rule. Tony rips on Cat for making this a “level playing field”. That’s exactly what he’s doing Tony, you miserable schmuck.

Duggan hammers away to start and the fans are actually way into this until Goldberg takes him down with a clothesline. They head outside with Duggan going head first into the post, followed by a kidney shot. Duggan’s goofy eyes bug out as he escapes a chinlock and he hits a big slam, which is no sold because it’s just a slam. Spear and Jackhammer end Jim quick.

Rating: D-. This was an idea but they were smart to keep it short. Duggan is one of the old school goofy guys who can do whatever he want and still get cheered so having Goldberg out there beating him up is at least trying something. At the end of the day though, this heel turn is a disaster as the fans simply do not want to boo Goldberg, no matter what he does.

Goldberg hits him in the kidneys to try to get people booing, which works as well as anything else has.

A lot of people are freaked out over Duggan.

Duggan is loaded into an ambulance and Nash promises to stop Goldberg.

World Title Qualifying Match: Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome

Nash is so ticked off that he absorbs some punches and suplexes out of a headlock. Oh man he’s so mad that he’s trying to wrestle. I’ve heard of this kind of anger before but I’ve never actually seen it. Nash takes over in the corner and gets into his normal rhythm with knees and a crotch chop in the corner, followed by a framed elbow. Awesome comes back with some clotheslines and the Awesome splash for two, only to have the Awesome Bomb broken up. They head outside with Nash firing off more elbows until a low blow stops him cold. It’s chair time but Awesome gets it kicked into his face for a quick pin.

Rating: D. The anger stuff was good for all of fifteen seconds and then it was your standard Nash match. Remember when Awesome jumped to WCW like two months ago and this looked like it could have been a big feud for him? Well now he’s jobbing to Nash in three and a half minutes as we wait on his next ambulance match because that’s his thing now.

Konnan gets laid out too.

World Title Qualifying Match: Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell

Non-title of course. At least it’s not Luger vs. Bagwell. It’s a pose down to start so Steiner flips him off. Buff avoids a charge in the corner and grabs a quick neckbreaker. Tony says you have to stay out of the Recliner. Since it’s banned and would cause a DQ, wouldn’t you want to get caught in it? Steiner comes back with the Tree of Woe choke but Buff escapes the Recliner. It doesn’t seem that the referee knows the difference in the rules either. Most of the Blockbuster gets two but Steiner grabs a belly to belly for the pin. At least they didn’t go against continuity with the finish.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match here for the shortened time but it’s still Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell. Maybe I’m just burned out on all the WCW nonsense over the last few months. Bagwell clearly didn’t have a chance but at least they didn’t go with anything overly stupid and long.

They shake hands post match and Steiner leaves, allowing Shane to come in for a cheap shot. Steiner runs back in for the save.

Jeff Jarrett doesn’t have much to say besides Slap Nuts.

Hancock leaves David’s dressing room and blows him a kiss. Daffney was watching.

Here’s Miss Hancock for her weekly dancing. This brings out Daffney for the catfight but she takes a shoe to the face. Hancock leaves as Daffney says she’s going to ruin Hancock’s life, starting at Bash at the Beach.

The Animals have a meeting to calm things down.

Booker comes up to the book signing and asks Kanyon to sign his brick. The beatdown is on with Kanyon going through a table. As CM Punk would later say: “Security around here sucks.”

Miss Hancock wants the match with Daffney to be an evening gown match. Pamela seems intrigued by this.

Here’s Disco Inferno with his own referee to call out Lance Storm. He doesn’t know if Storm is stupid or Canadian, but Storm can’t just run out here whenever he wants. Storm comes through the crowd and we’re off.

Lance Storm vs. Disco Inferno

A superkick drops Inferno and a great looking dropkick does the same. Storm goes up but gets crotched, allowing Disco to grab a running neckbreaker for two. They botch something and Storm misses a dropkick. Back up and a standing hurricanrana gets two and he easily blocks the Last Dance, setting up the half crab for the win. Too short to rate but Storm looked awesome.

The Filthy Animals come out to attack Storm but Kidman makes the save with a lead pipe. It’s implied that Kidman was the attacker earlier in the night.

Torborg goes into a dark room. I really don’t want to see what develops.

After a break, Vampiro attacks Torborg from behind but Torborg swings a shovel at him. Vampiro kicks him down and then into a coffin. He closes the lid but then opens it up to yell at Torborg some more. Someone comes up from behind and hits Vampiro before putting a Sting mask on him. You mean he’s not even going to be out until the next pay per view? And didn’t Vampiro have a master he was answering to?

Konnan wants to fight Storm and Kidman on Thunder. I don’t see this ending well.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Before Nash comes out we cut to the back to see Goldberg standing over Nash’s unconscious body. The bell rings with Jarrett attacking Steiner in the aisle until they get to the ring where Steiner takes over. Jeff gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a kick to the ribs and here’s Goldberg. Steiner takes a gorilla press into a powerslam but the spear hits post.

The champ has to pull the referee out at two. The fans FINALLY think Goldberg sucks as Steiner gets double teamed. An AA sets up a cross armbreaker from Goldberg with the referee finally remembering to ask if Steiner gives up. Cue Mike Awesome to steal the US Title from Midajah.

Steiner makes his comeback and beats both guys down until Awesome pulls him to the floor for a belt shot. Nash comes back and beats up Jarrett. Awesome takes a powerbomb and Nash keeps cleaning house because he’s Kevin Nash. Goldberg gets in a quick superkick to knock Nash silly though, allowing Jeff to get the pin to retain. It’s made clear that Goldberg didn’t care about the title.

Rating: D. That’s probably being nice too. They kept this one as short as they could and somehow only had three people in the ring for most of the match. It’s nice that they had a concept at the start of the show and actually paid it off though, which is such a huge upgrade over what I’ve been sitting through. Bad match of course because most of these guys are brawlers who rarely go more than five minutes but again: you could tell what was going on and that’s a big step up.

Goldberg pulls out Hall’s contract and destroys it (again) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Again: set up an idea, pay the idea off. These shows aren’t advancing anything as Hogan is still looming and as usual can’t be bothered to show up to build a match but they’re WAY better than having the usual insanity and Russo worship that we’ve seen for what feels like years now. I’ll take a run of the mill dull show over that maddening stuff for weeks on end but Bash at the Beach scares the heck out of me.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #245
Date: June 19, 2000
Location: Metropark Arena, Billings, Montana
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

Now after last week’s mess, I’ve been told that the next few shows aren’t as bad. I’m curious to know what that means. You could smear warm mayonnaise on yourself and bake in the sun before throwing coconuts at a pack of hyenas and put on a better show than Russo has done in the last few weeks. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Thunder. After the show went off the air, Scott Steiner put Russo in the Recliner. Ah yes, he’ll take a beating as long as it’s off camera.

The New Blood arrives and Cat says Russo isn’t here because of his injuries. The sec….hang on. Rewind that a bit.

.no gnah….ces ehT. .seirujin sih fo esuaceb ereh t’nsi ossuR syas taC dna sevirra doolB weN ehT.

The New Blood arrives and Cat says Russo isn’t here because of his injuries. Excuse me for a second.

HALL-E-LUJAH! HALL-E-LUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

Those people were right. This is instantly better.

Anyway Cat is told of a situation in the ring.

Horace Hogan is in the ring in a chair and holding a bat. Well…..technically it is better. Horace is here to defend his honor against a greedy man named Goldberg. Instead he gets Cat, who says Goldberg is too busy for Horace. He certainly should be. Cat, now officially the Commissioner, has a rule for the night: NO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE. We’ve reached the point where people being banned from interfering for a night is considered something special. That alone sums up almost everything you need to know about WCW at this point.

If Steiner interferes tonight, he’s fined and suspended for thirty days. This brings out Nash, Steiner and Midajah, which Tony says is booking on the fly. Nash gets Horace vs. Goldberg made tonight but Steiner can’t find Bischoff (he changed the letters around a bit and said something the censors don’t bother cleaning up anymore). Since Eric isn’t here, Steiner will just beat up Cat instead.

Cat offers a shot at Jeff Jarrett and the World Title instead because Jeff Jarrett is the kind of guy you just throw out there and torture like that. Nash isn’t done yet though because he wants Scott Hall’s contract and is going to beat it out of Cat tonight. Horace shoves Cat towards Nash and Steiner and the match is made for later tonight, sending Cat bailing into the crowd.

The announcers talk about this breaking news.

Palumbo and Stasiak tell the production guys to play a tape. They leave the truck and get beaten down by Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott.

Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome come in to yell at the Cat over what he just did. Cat’s only consolation is to make Awesome the referee for the match.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

It just keeps getting better. Before the match, Shannon promises a new single this week on Thunder. I’m all tingly. The Dragons break up the song and Kaz starts with Shane, only to have Shannon come in to help with a double neckbreaker. Shane’s top rope sunset flip gets two and a big gutwrench suplex drops Kaz as well. I usually get annoyed at the token wrestling before they go nuts but this isn’t bad.

Kaz finally gets over for the tag to Yang who cleans house with the martial arts. He has to stop a swing at the referee though and now everything breaks down. Kaz and Yang go up for a double splash but Shannon crotches them both, leaving Jamie-San all alone for a quick assisted wheelbarrow slam and the pin by Shane.

Rating: C+. These teams just worked well together and there’s little more than needs to be said about them. Sometimes you fine a combination that gels with each other and that’s what WCW had here. The difference though is that when WWE found such a combination with Edge and Christian, the Hardyz and the Dudleyz, they treated them like stars and brought them up into the midcard and then even higher later on. These six guys will be in the same spots for months, popping the crowd and running in circles.

Post match Lance Storm (who had been main eventing an ECW pay per view about a month earlier) runs through the crowd and takes out 3 Count with superkicks and a good looking flip dive before running away through the crowd again. He would actually debut on Raw the same way, minus the flip dive.

David Flair is looking for Daffney. Why he doesn’t just sit next to the women’s locker room isn’t clear.

Horace says he’s never been more determined about anything in his life. Last week he was put through a table and tonight Goldberg can flex his muscles all he wants. You could hear a lot of Hulk in that voice.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Johnny the Bull

Vito is defending and swings a kendo stick to start. Johnny gets stalked up the ramp as Vito still has the belt on. They slowly head backstage as Johnny has had no offense yet. Vito sends him through a table and hits him with a laptop, scaring a guy working backstage half to death. Johnny finally reverses a whip into some steel poles and breaks a mop handle over Vito’s back. They climb a scaffold and Vito hits his implant DDT through a table to win, I guess becoming the sole champion.

Rating: D. This was a squash with Vito being on offense for all but maybe thirty seconds. I liked the idea of the Mamalukes co-holding the belt for a bit but putting it on one of them and pushing him as a guy with skills in this style is a better plan. Vito is getting a push out of it and that’s more than most people can say.

Cat finds Scott Hall’s contract, which I guess he just carries everywhere he goes.

Johnny is helped up and Terry Funk shows up to say he wants to help him.

Rey Mysterio and the Artist beat up Chavo in the back until GI Bro makes the save.

Post break, Bro yells at the Misfits and refers to Rection as General.

Here’s Kanyon, doing every Page bit that he can including the Diamond Cutter sign and sitting in the corner. You have to read his new book two times two times two times and if you like it, you can give yourself a self high five (that’s a flashback for you). This brings GI Bro to the ring for a beatdown, sending Kanyon running. Bro takes off the fatigues to reveal…..plain white trunks. I’m assuming he’s Booker again, meaning I can call him Booker again in good conscience. I mean, I called him Booker otherwise but now I don’t have to feel guilty about it.

David finally finds Daffney and gets slapped in the face.

Horace Hogan vs. Goldberg

Before Goldberg comes to the ring, we cut to the back to see Nash and Steiner saying they might just come to the ring anyway. Horace kicks him in the face to start and he gets his head taken off with a clothesline, drawing the pop of the night so far. Some hard right hands knock Horace silly and they head outside. Goldberg hits the barricade by mistake and Horace pounds away with a chair……and can’t even knock him down. A big boot does the job back inside but it’s the spear and Jackhammer to end Horace in less than three minutes. If you watched this with no sound, you would have no idea Goldberg was the heel.

Goldberg keeps beating Horace up and even Madden has to acknowledge that the fans are cheering everything Goldberg does.

Nash and Steiner aren’t impressed.

The Cat vs. Kevin Nash

For Scott Hall’s contract, which is in a briefcase. So if Nash wins, does he own Hall? Like can he send Hall out to get him donuts and conditioner? Cat even calls Nash out again and is way too confide……pause for dancing…..nt going into this. Before Nash comes out, Cat goes outside and handcuffs the briefcase to Madden, keeping the key around his (Cat’s) neck. I don’t like Madden but he plays terrified really well. Tony: “Don’t worry. You’ll do good.” Madden: “I’LL DO GOOD??? IT’S NOT HANDCUFFED TO YOU YOU SIMPLETON!”

Nash easily pounds Cat down so Cat calls someone down. Cat tries to find any microphone he can to waive the outside interference rule. That makes me wonder: is there such a thing as inside interference? Like, if someone gets inside the ring, does it still count as outside interference? Or can someone in the match interfere? Cat comes back with some kicks so Nash hits him in the face and the Jackknife is good for the easy pin.

Nash opens the briefcase but finds pictures of the Cat. That’s not cool with Big Kev so he goes after Cat, only to be called off by Goldberg on screen. He has the contract and offers to put it up at Bash at the Beach. Goldberg then eats the contract. So there’s no outside (or inside) interference but we do have a bait and switch.

Post break, Nash says he’s the only person to beat Goldberg. Bash at the Beach happens to be his birthday and he has a place down on the beach. Scott Hall just happens to live 40 minutes from there. Nash leaves and Steiner says he could be the Chosen One.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. The Artist vs. Lieutenant Loco

Chavo is defending and Hudson gets in one of his only funny lines ever by dubbing Disco Inferno the Dim Shady. Konnan goes on about the Misfits not having a leader since GI Bro left them. Wait I thought Rection was the leader. Juvy is on commentary which I’ll take over Tygress and her OW OW stuff. The champ gets double teamed in the aisle to start and Rey gets two off a running legdrop.

Artist Batista Bombs Mysterio but Chavo comes in with a frog splash for two. Rey and Artist go outside as the three women are about to fight. Back in and Chavo gets crotched on top, leaving Rey to Bronco Bust Artist in the corner. Or did he Bust Artist’s Bronco? That’s a confusing name for a move. Rey goes to hurricanrana Chavo but gets crotched on the ropes, leaving Chavo to tornado DDT Artist and retain.

Post match Gunns, Paisley and Tygress almost get in a fight.

Daffney is having an interview but David comes up with flowers as a peace offering. He sings to her and that’s enough to get Daffney back.

Post break, David puts Daffney in the car and has to go get something. That something is Miss Hancock, but Daffney has gotten out and sees them kissing on a monitor.

Tag Team Titles: Perfect Event vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

Palumbo and Stasiak are defending and yes, Perfect Event is the best thing they could come up with. That’s up there next to Pretty Wonderful. Tank grabs a spinebuster on Stasiak to start and brings in Rick for some heavy stomping. A Steiner Line and belly to belly knock Stasiak senseless but he’s able to get a boot to the ribs and tags in Chuck. Rick does his belly to belly powerslam on Palumbo as Abbott is into the crowd chasing after a plant.

As Steiner gazes out into the people (“They actually PAID for this show?”), the champs jump him from behind and double team him for a few moments, only to have a double Steiner Line take over again. Rick steals the exercise bar from Palumbo and suplexes him again, only to have Chuck nail him with the bar to break up the bulldog. A double flapjack retains the titles.

Rating: D. So much for rebuilding the tag team division. Steiner and Abbott didn’t work because one is a maniac and a wrestler in name only who lives off his past glory and that doesn’t make a good partner for Tank Abbott. I’m sure this leads to a thrilling fight at one of the next TV shows (please not on pay per view) and then the Steiners reunite again because….wait didn’t they do that already on Thunder?

Asya throws the Demon costume at Dale Torborg and says to get rid of “him”. Vampiro is shown watching, very pleased with what’s going on.

Here’s Vampiro for his weekly Raven impression. He talks about the similarities he has with the Demon and asks him to come out for a going away party since Asya is ruining the fun. Torborg comes out instead with Asya next to him. Then the lights go out and Asya is gone. They go out again and Vampiro is gone. Vampiro pops up on screen, driving away in a hearse. So Vampiro wins the feud with Sting and his reward is the Demon? No wonder he has no good memories of WCW.

Chris Candido/Bam Bam Bigelow/Shane Douglas vs. Buff Bagwell/Kronik

What’s ECW again? This is fallout from a brawl on Thunder where Kronik saved Bagwell from a beatdown. Before the match Shane says they want titles with Candido (whose arm is in a sling) and Bigelow want the Tag Team Titles. Shane issues a challenge for Bash at the Beach and Bagwell can pick whatever kind of match he wants. Tony: “You cannot get much more power than Bagwell, Adams and Clark on the same team.”

Clark and Douglas get things going with Douglas nailing a dropkick but getting slammed off the top rope. The release Rock Bottom plants Shane again and Adams adds a full nelson slam. Shane runs from Bagwell (I get the idea of running like that, but he’s cool with fighting Kronik?) and brings in Bigelow for the clubbing forearms. It’s quickly off to Shane for the stomping on a defenseless Bagwell as the fans continue their FRANCHISE SUCKS chant.

Shane hits Three Amigos (with a delay on the third) for two but Bagwell comes back with a double arm DDT. The hot tag brings in both members of Kronik to clean house but Bam Bam DDTs both of them. High Times (THUD) plants Bigelow but Candido hits Clark with something, sending Kronik chasing him off. The Blockbuster ends Bigelow a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. That chokeslam was quite the landing but the rest of the match wasn’t much to see. They did a decent job of building up Shane vs. Bagwell in the span of a week but it’s still a stretch to use it as a gimmick match. Kronik vs. Bigelow/Candido on the other hand doesn’t quite work when Candido has a broken wrist and there’s just no one else to put in his spot because then it wouldn’t be the same team from ECW.

Shane gives Bagwell the Pittsburgh Plunge but has to run from Kronik.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending and I’ll only refer to him as champion. Mike Awesome is guest referee. Notice that when Russo is gone, the World Title is on last. Only Midajah this week, which I think is the norm going forward. Cat is on commentary. Steiner offers some stipulations but Jeff jumps him from behind to start fast. A tilt-a-whirl slam puts the champ down and the Push-Up elbow gets two.

Steiner clotheslines him out to the floor but Jeff comes back with some chair shots to take over. Jarrett makes the mistake of going after Midajah (the announcers get on Cat for the interference part here, which is really heelish of them) and Scott goes sane (that’s more out of the ordinary for him than going nuts), only to get hit low. The belly to belly is broken up by some thumbs to the eye and we hit the sleeper.

Steiner suplexes out (Cat: “He’s pulling hair again!”) and gets a powerslam for a fair two count. A belly to belly gets the same and Scott puts on the illegal Recliner (It’s actually getting worse. I didn’t think that could be done.). Cat demands that the hold be broken so Mike hits Steiner with a chair. Jeff gets two but Steiner fights back up and puts Awesome in the Recliner. The guitar knocks him cold though and Jeff retains.

Rating: C-. They kept the shenanigans to a minimum here (I can live with a few chair shots here and there) and it really helped things. Steiner getting a title shot should have been a bigger deal but they’re just building Jeff up for Hogan at this point. It’s strange to see the World Title treated like the TV Title but at least this was the main event.

Post match Cat comes in to go after Steiner and Goldberg has to come in for the save. Cue Nash and Goldberg bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. If you EVER need more proof that Russo is killing WCW, watch last week’s show and this one back to back. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a bigger change between two weeks of shows. This week had an idea they were building towards, set up matches for the pay per view and was WAY more coherent than anything WCW has done in so long.

Above all else, I never once got mad or ranted and raved about what they could be thinking. That’s because it was always clear what they were thinking. It might not have been the most interesting stuff, but you could see exactly what they were shooting for here and it made the show feel like wrestling again instead of the freak show that Russo has made it into.

Now all that being said, this is still not a great or even good show. Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash as the heroes isn’t going to work (oh and no Hogan this week helped a lot too) as neither is interesting enough at the moment, but at least Booker seems to be rising up the card in a hurry. The wrestling was a bit better with some of the matches getting some time, but it still doesn’t fix a lot of the problems. WAY better show this week though with the major problem being removed and changing everything.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: June 14, 2000
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Mark Madden

Welcome to your second weekly installment of Russo Theater featuring the Eric Bischoff Players. The big story at the moment is the departures of a lot of big names as Page, Sting and Flair are all gone, leaving us with Hogan/Nash/Steiner to fight off the forces of evil because we’re just lucky like that. Let’s get to it.

The traditional Nitro recap opens things up.

Cat, Russo, Jarrett and David arrive, flanked by security (one of whom I believe is Mike Rapada, who would win the NWA World Title twice by the end of the year). Rapada (not named) tells Russo that the cops won’t be here tonight because they don’t want to deal with his games. They must have watched the show earlier.

Nash arrives. Can we please stop having to show people arriving with no story development? It’s their job to be here. Why am I supposed to be surprised or interested in their cars arriving?

Here are Russo/Cat/Jarrett/David to open things up. David has a lock of Ric’s hair around his neck (that’s creepy) and Russo has a 3-0 shirt with the back saying “with two shaved heads.” Jarrett gets to talk first for once and promises to take care of Kidman for what he did on Monday. He beat Hogan and Nash on consecutive nights and that proves he’s the real World Champion.

Russo shows us clips from Nitro (for the second time in five minutes) and says he’ll bring Ric back tonight, so he pulls out a Mr. Potato Head. On to Nash, Russo asks what type of man would torture someone in front of their eight year old nephew. Nash pops up and says a dead man (but a MANLY dead man of course). Various threats are made with Russo saying Goldberg is coming. Nash cleans house with the bat but Russo gets away because he always does. Did I miss something or did this accomplish absolutely nothing?

Post break Russo calls Bischoff, who is on the way with Goldberg. Everyone leaves Russo alone for various reasons and Nash can be heard outside. This would be your weekly thriller movie plot.

Here’s Kronik with something to say. Adams calls it ridiculous that they lost the titles by DQ. They want a title match right now but get Chris Candido instead.

Kronik vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Chris Candido

I had forgotten Bigelow was still around. Kronik pulls Candido into the ring to start with Clark. A release Rock Bottom plants Chris and Adams tosses him into the air for a crash. The F5 gets two as Bigelow comes in to make the save. High Times ends Candido fast. Total squash.

Security has to break up Bigelow and Kronik.

Russo tries to call for help and then runs to his car. The tires are slashed though because this really is a stalker movie.

Here are the Mamalukes with the Hardcore Title. Vito brags about being the man that retired Terry Funk because he’s the real hardcore legend. Johnny says he could have beaten Funk if he hadn’t been in the bathroom. Vito agrees and hands him the belt, then hits him with a kendo stick. A table is set up but Johnny comes back with a jumping DDT to drive Vito through it instead. This brings out Nash with his bat to take Johnny out because he hasn’t been on TV enough yet tonight. He’s just looking for Russo though and that’s it. Thanks for wiping out a champion (maybe?) before you left Kev.

Russo is panicking like the 20 something year old woman when some psycho is chasing her in a direct to video movie. Of course most of those people don’t have WORKING PHONES they could use to call a cab.

David and Miss Hancock are having a moment.

Here’s Shane Douglas to address knocking Bagwell out on Monday. Bagwell must be wondering what happened to make Shane hit him in the head with brass knuckles. A month ago, Bagwell decided to fight against WCW and left Shane all on his own. Have we ever heard why Buff was suspended in the first place? Anyway Buff comes out for some revenge but Candido and Bigelow jump him before he can do much. Kronik runs out as well and it’s a big brawl.

Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott arrive. We cut to Palumbo and Stasiak who make fun of them for no apparent reason, only to have Rick and Tank appear behind them. Tank says that was recorded two hours ago and the beatdown is on. I’m not sure off the top of my head, but that might be the most contrived segment I’ve ever seen.

Cat comes in to see Russo (scaring him half to death) and promises to stay by his side. Scott Steiner arrives and Cat runs away screaming. Russo sees Steiner as well and runs on top of some cars because being a MAN involves being a great athlete. Well done on hitting the people arriving and movie tropes in the same segment.

Here are Mike Awesome and Positively Kanyon with something to say. So are they a team now? Kanyon scares himself with the pyro but says that he’s feeling really positive tonight. He’s so positive that he’s willing to team with the guy that tried to kill him. Again: was it a big ruse or not? We still don’t have an answer for that. Kanyon plugs his book signing at some little town in Kentucky (could you narrow that down for us?) with Mark Madden and his appearance on Craig Kilborn this Monday. It’s open challenge time.

Mike Awesome/Positively Kanyon vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

It’s a brawl to start of course with Steiner throwing Kanyon into the barricade while the other two fight in the ring. Kanyon crotches Rick on the top as the pairs switch off, leaving Awesome to load up a table. Back up and Rick Steiner Lines Abbott by mistake, which is actually enough to throw the match out. Really?

Stasiak and Palumbo come out to beat on Tank and Steiner but Scott Steiner comes in for the save. So are Rick and Scott back together now for no explained reason?

Russo tries to steal Nash’s car but gets caught by Kev, who rips Russo’s shirt off.

The Cat hits on Pamela and promises to take out Scott Steiner tonight.

Recap of Kidman/Hogan/Goldberg/Jarrett.

Kidman says he’s not New Blood anymore.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Kidman

Kidman screws over the team, gets a title shot out of it. So who booked this match exactly? Jeff is defending and in street clothes while Tygress is on commentary. Heaven help me. Kidman starts fast with a dropkick but walks into a hot shot to slow him down again. They head outside with Kidman being sent into the barricade in various ways. Back in and Kidman’s bad luck continues as he misses a dropkick.

Cue the Filthy Animals but Jarrett says he can do this on his own, allowing Kidman to grab a rollup for two. A Sky High gets two more for Kidman, followed by a rollup for the same. Jarrett tries a powerbomb because that’s something he uses all the time and we get the faceplant counter. That’s enough so Rey offers a distraction, allowing Konnan to hit him with the guitar. The Stroke retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: D+. Too much interference and too much Tygress trying to sound hip aside, this was an entertaining match that could have been a lot better if they just let the guys do their thing. If you need to do interference then do it, but stop pouring it on and trying to have three stories in the same match.

The Animals beat down Kidman until Nash makes the save and chokes Jeff with a belt. So Nash vs. Jarrett isn’t done either?

Here’s Vampiro because we haven’t had enough talking on this show tonight. It’s been three days since Steve Borden’s career went up in smoke but the fans are still brainwashed by the t-shirts and posters. He yells at a fan to take their Sting mask off and goes after her, only to have red liquid spat in his face. It’s Asya, which brings out the Demon for a brawl. Vampiro loads up the blowtorch but stops to lay out Asya instead. They keep brawling up by the stage with Vampiro being thrown into Demon’s coffin. Demon loads up the blowtorch but stops to check on Asya. Vampiro stumbles out of the coffin and is all spaced out.

Random clip of 3 Count to brighten your day.

Here’s Daffney in her black wedding dress because she’s sad over David leaving her for “Miss Peacock.” Daffney promises to break her legs but here’s Hancock with something behind her back. Apparently the something was just her hands as the fight is on until David comes out for the save. Crowbar comes out as well and gets hit low, allowing David and Hancock to leave.

Russo goes into Cat’s office to yell about Nash. Now you know what’s about to happen, the audience knows what’s about to happen, and anyone who has ever seen a movie knows what’s about to happen, so I’m going to spare you the details because unlike WCW, I don’t think you need everything explained to you.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. The Cat

Steiner is defending and rants about how Cat is taking Russo and Bischoff’s beating tonight. Scott hammers away in the corner and Cat claims a hair pull off a hiptoss. Cat tries to sneak in and comes up a few feet short in a funny bit. The security helps Cat out and a superkick gets two on the champ. Now it’s out to the floor so security can stomp him down and then get inside because why not. Shakira gets in as well and the distraction lets Midajah come in with a high cross body. The Steiner Recliner makes Cat tap.

Rating: D. In a change of pace from the previous match, the interference was probably the right call. Cat is great on the mic now that he’s figured out a fun character but his in ring stuff is still about as bad as it’s ever been. Bad match here and can we please get the US Title off Steiner? He’s held the thing for months now and I don’t remember the last important title defense he had.

Post match Cat says not so fast because the Recliner is now banned, meaning that’s a DQ loss for Steiner.

Jarrett is down in the back as Nash is on the phone with a buddy from Florida named Scott. The buddy gives him two ideas, but only one is legal.

David promises to shave Crowbar.

David Flair vs. Crowbar

Flair has the Statue of Liberty and the shaving gear with him. After a quick brawl on the floor to start, Crowbar throws him inside for a back elbow to the jaw. The chops have Crowbar in trouble and David tries a…….suplex I guess you would call it. Either way it puts Crowbar down but he rolls away from the elbow. They go back outside with David’s head coming into contact with various metal objects. David is sat in a chair so Crowbar can go back inside for a plancha, breaking the chair in the process. That looked cool at least.

Crowbar is banged up too though, allowing David to crotch him on the barricade. Back in and David does……well it was something with a gutwrench. After some strutting it’s time for a superplex but David screws up AGAIN by letting Crowbar go early, nearly causing a big crash. Crowbar is tired of all the botched moves and takes David down with a front suplex, followed by a slingshot legdrop for two. After David begs off, Crowbar loads up a sunset flip but Flair hits him in the head with the Statue for the pin.

Rating: D-. David Flair is really bad at this. Like, he’s just not good at the whole wrestling thing. That’s not his fault though as he’s nowhere near ready to be on a national program. He needed a few years on the indy circuit or in some form of developmental because it’s almost impossible to make your debut in a company this big.

Post match David goes to shave the hair but Daffney comes out for the save. Hancock comes out to lure David away.

We wrap it up with Nash (of course) as he drags Jeff out to the ring. Nash talks about his nephew being traumatized on Monday and brings up Deliverance. This brings out Russo with Scott Hall’s contract. If Nash does anything else, that contract is ripped up. Goldberg comes in from behind and helps Jeff beat Nash down to end the show. Indeed: the show ends with Russo getting the last laugh again.

Overall Rating: D-. People talk about Cena winning all the time but he has nothing on Vince Russo. All night long Russo was running scared and hiding and then in the end he gets to be all HAHA I WIN AGAIN! It stopped being something worth getting annoyed at….well I can’t say a long time ago because it’s only been going on for a few weeks now but it feels like it’s been going on for years already.

As for the rest of the show, it was your usual night for this era: short matches that didn’t have time to go anywhere, bad wrestling (on the brief occasions wrestling had the chance to happen), angles that felt more contrived than your stereotypical adult film plot and WAY too much Russo and Nash. Jarrett is basically the US Champion at the moment because Steiner’s title is just a prop for the Freaks to hold up. Bad show here, as is the custom.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: June 7, 2000
Location: Civic Coliseum, Knoxville, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,088
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the final show before the Great American Bash and this week’s Nitro was one of the biggest disasters I’ve ever seen. WCW has decided to make the old and new talent look horrible, aside from Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner, because they’re the future I guess. It can always get worse though so let’s get to it.

Nitro clips and we’re moving on.

Bischoff and lawyers arrive. Oh geez this is going to be bad.

Opening sequence.

Here are Bischoff and the lawyers with something to say. After sucking up to the fans, Bischoff gets right to the point: Goldberg is suspended for ninety days for his actions on Monday. Yeah that guy that we built up for months that you might want to see? He’s already gone again. On a more serious note, Jarrett is out of the main event of Great American Bash due to what Sting did to him on Monday. This brings out Jarrett wearing a neck brace, leg cast and arm sling while limping on a cane. Well he’s certainly selling.

Jeff is all serious and apologizes to everyone even though it was all Sting’s fault. Cue Nash with a bat, which he says is going to be used to take Jeff’s temperature. Instead he hits Jeff in the bad arm and loads up the Jackknife but Bischoff swings the bat at Kevin. That goes nowhere so Jeff takes off the rest of the protective gear and attacks, only to be knocked to the floor with ease. Weren’t you watching Nitro Jeff? You need AT LEAST seven people to take Nash down or else he might pin you without touching you.

Captain Rection is giving orders for the Misfits’ biggest mission yet.

Russo and David Flair bring in a bunch of senior citizens for some reason with Russo insulting all of them.

Daffney comes up to David Flair and asks why he hasn’t called her. She accuses him of cheating on her with “Miss Peacock.”

Kimberly and Jarrett are yelling at Bischoff while Cat yells at both of them. Jeff finally tells all of them, including Cat, to get out.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno

Daffney is defending. The Animals and Misfits are all here too, basically making it a lumberjack match. Konnan spews what is supposed to be English but I’m not entirely convinced. Disco: “Word to your mother.” Tygress joins in on commentary and this could go badly. Disco goes for a quick rollup on the champ but Loco makes the save and brawls with Disco in the corner.

That’s fine with Daffney who adds a middle rope Frankenscreamer. Now Loco and Daffney yell at each other until Disco headlocks him, only to get suplexed back down. Cue Crowbar to run inside and dive on the Misfits but here’s Miss Hancock to yell at Daffney. This brings out Kimberly to shove Hancock into Daffney, which brings out Major Gunns to yell at Kimberly for interfering. The match of course breaks down and Rey hits a Bronco Buster on Chavo. Everyone runs in and GI Bro cleans house with a Rock Bottom to Disco, giving Loco the pin and the title. As always, WAY too much in so short a match.

Gunns gives Chavo CPR because a match not even lasting three minutes has knocked him out.

Kidman kind of apologizes to Torrie for treating her like garbage on Monday. Well that’s nice of him.

Russo summons the Cat.

After a break, Cat has ejected the MIA from the building.

Kidman vs. Major Stash

Kidman has Horace with him. Before the match, Kidman says he knows they can trust each other after Monday. That might be a record for their longest time since turning on each other. Kidman goes after Stash to start but the big guy throws him down and knocks Horace to the floor where he belongs. Stash starts taking over with the power and tosses Kidman out of the corner with ease.

Horace tries to validate his existence by pulling Stash to the floor, setting up a plancha from Kidman. Now we get to a big reason why the relaxed rules don’t work: Kidman distracts the referee so Horace can whip Stash into the steps. It’s been made clear that cheating is legal now so why is Kidman bothering with the distraction? Anyway Stash comes back with a superplex but Horace comes in with a Death Valley Driver (with no distraction this time), allowing Kidman to drop a top rope elbow for the pin.

Kidman calls Torrie down for some “making up” but she slaps him in the face and leaves.

And now, a dance lesson with the Cat as he teaches the group of seniors. One of them threatens to smack the bleach out of his hair. This has been a dance lesson with the Cat.

Here are Russo and David with the seniors and it’s time for a party. Could this be a party to make fun of Ric Flair by any chance? I’m just guessing here of course. There’s a goodbye cake in the ring and I’m kind of curious to see if Russo can screw up the oldest idea in wrestling. Well the oldest one that he hasn’t screwed up yet because he’s already ruined the actual wrestling part of it.

David rips on his dad as he’s done in the past and Russo brags about being 2-0 in wrestling. He isn’t supposed to be here tonight due to a concussion and torn ligaments (real men don’t limp!) but he couldn’t miss this party. Russo says these are Ric’s friends because they’re all so old and it’s time to sing For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow. This brings out an even bigger cake, which Russo thinks has Ric inside.

Ric shows his intelligence though by coming out from under the ring and attacking from behind (because you can’t fight Vince Russo and David Flair in a straight fight. They’re intimidating you see.) and putting both of them into the cake. So yeah, Russo wins inside the Cell on Monday without ever selling being in the Figure Four for seventy seconds but Ric got to shove them into a cake. Somehow, I bet Russo thinks Ric got the better of this.

Rick Steiner, Tank Abbott and the Goldberg truck are here.

Bischoff says Goldberg is arrested if he comes in the building. Will the cops pull guns on him like they did with Hogan a few months back?

The Mamalukes are in the back when the Wall attacks them, meaning it’s time for a Hardcore Title match. Yes title match, because Bischoff gave them the title off camera since he wouldn’t even vacate a title on screen. Does this surprise anyone? The Freebird Rule is in effect.

Hardcore Title: Mamalukes vs. The Wall

The Wall pounds on both guys but here’s Johnny with a 4 foot tall box of Kraft macaroni and cheese. Come on Kraft, this is where you thought product placement was a good idea? The fight goes into the parking lot with the Mamalukes doing what they can against the monster (well as much of a monster as he is these days), eventually taking him into the arena and the fans. This is the walking around with the occasional punching style.

Into the ring they go with the Mamalukes hitting a double hiptoss into a powerbomb for two. Wall pops up, kicks Vito in the face and chokeslams Johnny before grabbing a table. Well what else was he going to do? Johnny is about to be thrown through the table but here’s Shane Douglas with a chair to Wall’s back, followed by a running powerbomb through the table. A top rope splash from Johnny is enough to retain the title.

Rating: D. So….best hardcore match in months? It’s probably better that they just gave the Mamalukes the title because they could actually get something out of it instead of just doing the same Terry Funk/Bischoff nonsense that made the belt even more of a joke than it already was. If they have to have the title around, at least let someone young use it to maybe get over.

Wall sits up like Undertaker and chases Shane off. The Mamalukes are just standing around so here’s Tank Abbott to knock them both out. It does make sense as they’ve been champions for all of six minutes so it must be time to make them look worthless. Tank wants Goldberg again and would love a rematch anytime. This Sunday, he’s going to make Scott Steiner his freak, but tonight he wants someone sexy. Oh man Nash vs. Abbott could be GOLD.

Abbott calls Nash out (after we cut away to a movie promo of course) and goes outside to yell at Schiavone’s son, who throws soda at him. Geez Tony hasn’t disciplined his son very well. Cue Nash for a brawl until Rick Steiner makes it 2-1, drawing out Scott Steiner for the save. This brings out Bischoff to say tonight it’s Steiner’s turn to run the New Blood gauntlet. If Nash interferes he’s out of the title shot and if Goldberg appears, he’s arrested.

Goldberg is in the back.

Cat yells at some cops.

Mike Awesome arrives in his ambulance.

Corporal Cajun vs. Mike Awesome

And for once it’s not an ambulance match! Awesome goes right after him to start because this should be a squash but is likely to be something else entirely. A big clothesline puts Cajun down, followed by a powerbomb and a splash for two. There’s the Awesome Splash from the top but let’s get a table instead of covering. Awesome drops Cajun with another clothesline and sets up the Awesome Bomb but here’s Page for the DQ, which is likely ruled a no contest because there was no bell. I know this isn’t traditional, but when someone interferes and attacks one of the wrestlers, it’s a DQ.

Awesome fights back with a halo shot and powerbombs Page through the table.

Hollywood Hogan arrives.

The cops are too busy looking at Kimberly to go after Goldberg.

Tag Team Titles: GI Bro/Captain Rection vs. Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo

Stasiak and Palumbo are defending of course. Rection and Stasiak get things going and this is pretty easily one of the worst ideas you could have in a match. Rection takes over with a clothesline and it’s off to Bro for a double elbow. Booker deserves so much better than this but at least he’s not another face in the crowd. Some double teaming puts Shawn down so it’s off to Palumbo who scores with the Jungle Kick (I have no idea why it’s called that but I like the name) to take over on Rection.

Cue Rection’s crazy dad from like three months ago as Stasiak comes in sans tag with a top rope clothesline for two. Chuck comes back in for a jumping back elbow as Rection’s dad seems to be enjoying Gunns’ camouflage trunks. His son keeps getting beat up as the announcers finally remember this stupid angle. Bro comes in for a failed save attempt but it lets Rection powerslam Chuck for a breather. It’s legally off to Bro for some house cleaning before he brings the Captain back in for a top rope elbow. No Laughing Matter but Dad comes in for a distraction, allowing Palumbo to blast Rection with the workout bar for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad actually and again that’s likely to it getting more time than almost any other match. Also, points to Russo for actually only putting in one angle before the cheating ending. That’s a lot better than usual, but it’s also really depressing when resurrecting a one off angle from the spring is a sign of improvement.

Kronik comes out to help destroy the champions.

Sting vs. The Cat

Before the match we get some dancing and bad grammar from Cat. Sting comes down but gets jumped by Vampiro, who sprays him with a fire extinguisher. No match, which is probably best for everyone all around.

Vampiro uses Sting’s own moves on him before lighting the announcers’ table on fire. Sting gets the extinguisher and puts the fire out but misses the Stinger Splash against the barricade. Vampiro Rock Bottoms him through the table and promises that it’s going to be Sting’s flesh burning on Sunday. Just burn each other already so we can get done with this stupid feud.

Gene brings out Hollywood Hogan for a chat. After name dropping Hall to explain being back in black, he says he’s bored with the New Blood stuff. He rips on Kidman for being a flea market champion and calls Horace the bad apple in the barrel. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot at Bash at the Beach. But will he still be bored then? You know, because he’s bored now instead of angry and wanting to get revenge. Posing ensues.

Gauntlet Match

I know this isn’t going to go well but can we please at least have real pins? Is that too much to ask? If Nash interferes, he loses his title shot. As Steiner makes his entrance, Tony throws in two more matches for Sunday’s card with a Cruiserweight Title match and a #1 contenders match to the Tag Team Titles, just to show how important those titles really are. Before the match, Steiner promises to come after Bischoff when this is done. Bischoff comes out with the New Blood and sends Candido in first.

Chris does better than anyone did on Nitro, surviving a full thirty seconds before getting pinned by a belly to belly superplex. A regular belly to belly puts Stasiak away in another twenty seconds (counting time spent running to the ring). Palumbo comes in, picks up Midajah, and gets caught in the Recliner for the submission. Scott Steiner just beat both Tag Team Champions in one minute even. Cat takes a Recliner of his own but the rest of the New Blood comes in and the match is thrown out.

Nash leaves his locker room and runs into a guitar shot from Jarrett. Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott are in to help on the beatdown and Scott is put in a straitjacket. They try to put him in a bodybag but here’s Goldberg to clean house. Bischoff sends the cops in to arrest Goldberg to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This show had some moments but it’s really just a lot less bad than Monday’s show. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it good and I’m really not even sure what I’m supposed to be looking forward to on Sunday. Could they not do Goldberg vs. Abbott there and just have Steiner vs. Steiner for the US Title in that mini cage? Bad show here, but there was some good action at times. Oh and Chavo being Cruiserweight Champion is a nice change of pace and he would make the most of it in the coming months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #243
Date: June 5, 2000
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

It’s the go home show for the Great American Bash and they finally have the main event set as Kevin Nash is going to get a shot at Jeff Jarrett’s World Title. Tonight’s big match is the long awaited Goldberg vs. Tank Abbott showdown. Given that it’s a Russo run show, you never know what changes we might see so let’s get to it.

We recap Abbott vs. Goldberg in a failed attempt to make us believe that Abbott has a chance.

Here are Russo and Bischoff to open things up with Eric professing his LOVE for the crowd. If this show is as bad as I’m expecting, he needs to work on how he professes his affection for people. Bischoff brags about Luger being out with a broken face and Liz being too scared to come out of her dressing room. Wait if Luger isn’t here why did Liz show up?

Tonight Nash is running the New Blood gauntlet and if he loses, he’s out of the title match on Sunday. Also, Jarrett will defend the title against Sting. If they love Jarrett so much, why are they always putting him through this stuff? Russo whines about being forced out of New York and having nothing left to do but come down here to Atlanta. Tonight he’s going to destroy Space Mountain inside the big cage (a Cell instead of a regular cage) and give Flair the brain damage he deserves.

Bischoff promises to take the Hardcore Title from Terry Funk tonight. He’s not kidding is he? Eric rants about Goldberg messing up the plans to take out Nash last week and threatens to suspend him, only to have Goldberg himself come out. Russo says Goldberg has never dealt with a New Yorker and tells him to SPEAR THIS and does a crotch chop. So he wants…..never mind. Goldberg charges through security but the bosses escape.

After a break we look at what just happened and DJ Ran can be heard in the background. At least he’s not up in my area anymore.

Bischoff and Russo yell at the New Blood. Torrie can be seen storming off as this goes on. Good for her.

Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Chuck Palumbo/Shawn Stasiak

Rematch from Thunder where Stasiak/Palumbo took the belts via DQ. It’s a brawl to start until we get down to Palumbo charging into Clark’s elbow as the other two fight on the ramp. Shouldn’t Stasiak be destroyed by Adams in a straight fight? All four wind up in the ring and Clark plants Palumbo with a quick Meltdown. Remember when that was a big move and not just a transitional one for a guy in a tag team?

To make sure it’s clear how low that move has sunk, Adams throws Chuck (still legal I believe) to the floor to work on Stasiak, who seems to be legal by default now. Cue the Cat as Stasiak punches back on Adams but Palumbo has to come in to break up a piledriver attempt. A neckbreaker from Shawn brings Palumbo back in but Stasiak comes right back in with a high cross body.

Adams is tired of his hair being messed up and grabs a backbreaker on Shawn, setting up the tags to Clark and Palumbo. Clark cleans house but the Cat gets in the ring and threatens the referee. Palumbo and Clark fight into the crowd and Adams drops Stasiak onto the steps. With everyone on the floor, Cat grabs the referee and demands a count right now. Adams throws Stasiak in and Cat counts a very fast eight nine ten to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst match but you knew we were getting a screwy ending. Here’s the problem with this show: the ending here makes sense as Palumbo and Stasiak can’t hang with Kronik in a straight match so the heel boss is cheating. That’s standard operating procedure and makes sense here. However, when you have some kind of shenanigans of some sort in every match, something good like this has no impact.

Kronik goes after Cat but the champs make the save and take the beating themselves.

Kidman yells at Torrie (in a bikini with a skirt) for some reason until Major Gunns of all people makes the save, earning her some swearing.

Nash doesn’t have much to say about the gauntlet match but chuckles at being the last man in the building. “My gimmick’s alive!”

Video on Kidman vs. Hogan.

Gunns cries to the Misfits about what Kidman said to her. G.I. Bro promises to take care of things.

Goldberg chats with Nash and Steiner.

G.I. Bro vs. Kidman

So why would Russo and Bischoff grant Bro this match and what else did they have planned here? Booker is wrestling in his hat and clotheslines Kidman down to start. Some right hands in the corner have Kidman in even more trouble but Booker calls Gunns in for Shattered Dreams but here’s Kidman to hit him low instead. As usual, the referee doesn’t care about interference so Booker gets the pin off a Rock Bottom.

Both groups come in for the brawl and the Animals dominate.

Hardcore Title: Eric Bischoff vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending and Bischoff has the Cat with him to make this a bit less painful. Cat kicks a chair into Funk’s face, allowing Bischoff to demonstrate his nunchucks. Funk comes back with a trashcan and shields himself from Bischoff’s shots over and over. The villains run away and Funk chases them to the back…..and that’s it for now I guess.

The announcers chat so here’s Miss Hancock to dance. Before she can get anywhere, here are Kimberly and Awesome (with new music). Kimberly accuses Hancock of stealing her spotlight and doing it very poorly. Apparently the stripping secretary look was out in 1993 and isn’t doing anything for Hancock today. Kimberly hits her with the clipboard and leaves, but Hancock calls Kimberly fat (likely not allowed on TV today) and tells her to get back here. They’ll fight later apparently.

As they leave, Funk wheels Bischoff back to ringside (with Awesome looking at them without stopping) but we cut to the back (segment #4 in this match) to see Russo sending in the Mamalukes. Funk loads up a Stinkface but the Mamalukes come in and lay out Funk in less than two minutes, giving Bischoff the pin and the title.

Rating: F. Why let a wrestler do this when you can have a writer do it for you? The whole idea has been throwing challenger after challenger at Funk and he somehow escapes each time. Now for some reason the big ending is Bischoff taking the title instead of the Mamalukes, who haven’t done anything in months other than be more names on a long list of New Blood members. Let them be the ones to take the title instead, because this was all about giving Bischoff the spotlight because he hasn’t gotten enough of it yet. Such is life in WCW.

The Flairs are here.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Vampiro

Steiner is defending and talks about meeting up with some woman in Atlanta earlier today. For reasons that likely connect to Russo’s view on women, the Freaks are very pleased by this story. Vampiro has the gas and blow torch with him. The champ pounds away in the corner to start and throws Vampiro around with ease. A hard clothesline sets up the bicep elbow and they head outside.

Steiner blasts him in the back with a chair and slams him through a table as this is totally one sided so far. Vampiro pops back up and sends Scott into the barricade before throwing him back inside for a top rope spinwheel kick. There’s a blow torch to the face, only to have Midajah come in off the top with a high cross body. Vampiro chases her up the ramp with the gas and torch but here’s Sting for the save. Again, NONE OF THIS IS A DQ so Steiner suplexes Vampiro again and puts on the Recliner to retain.

Rating: D. So Steiner squashes Vampiro, Vampiro can only get back in it by cheating, then a baseball bat to the ribs isn’t enough for a DQ. There was no mention of Steiner’s title defense on Sunday because I’d be surprised they remember that he actually has a match on the pay per view. This wasn’t a bad squash until it got all zany with the fire stuff.

Tank Abbott vs. Goldberg

Tank chills on the floor for a bit until Goldberg catches him with a superkick….and it’s Rick Steiner coming in with a chair. Two shots and the big right hand from Tank get two and we’ve got Nash coming through the crowd (smart) for the save. Goldberg spears Abbott and hits the Jackhammer for the pin. This was exactly what I was expecting: a segment instead of a match, even though they could have done exactly the same thing in a two minute squash.

Kimberly yells about Hancock.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Sting is challenging and again this is in the middle of the card. Jeff jumps him during the entrances but Sting comes right back with a hot shot. Jeff’s dropkick is blocked by a powerbomb and he has to kick away from a Deathlock. Sting takes a chair to the back and they brawl around ringside for a bit. A clothesline puts the champ back inside and we get the sunset flip with the referee kicking Jeff’s hands away spot. Back up and Sting grabs a rollup for the pin and the title out of nowhere, beating Jarrett in less than two and a half minutes.

Oh never mind as Bischoff comes out and says he changed his mind because that wasn’t a title match. Jeff tries a belt shot but Sting ducks and puts him in the Deathlock on the ramp as Hudson talks about a Dusty Finish. Sting clocks Jarrett with the guitar and goes after Bischoff. Spoiler for later: save for Jarrett being taken away in an ambulance, neither Sting nor Jarrett will be seen for the rest of the show. The World Champion just got pinned clean in less than three minutes in the middle of a show six days before he defends the title in the main event of a pay per view. By the way, here are the recent ratings for Raw and Nitro:

May 22 – Raw: 7.1, Nitro: 3.0

May 29 – Raw: 6.4, Nitro: 3.0

June 5 – Raw: 5.9, Nitro: 2.8

June 12 – Raw: 6.8, Nitro: 3.0

Yeah keep going with that burying your champion after changing the title 18 times in five months. Maybe if you work hard, Raw will only double your numbers.

Jeff is put in an ambulance.

Here are Awesome and Kimberly to deal with Hancock. Before Hancock comes out though, Awesome talks trash about Page and introduces the women. Kimberly is ready to go but Hancock insists that Kimberly sign a release for the beating she’s about to get. Kimberly signs it so Hancock flashes the Diamond Cutter sign. Cue Page, but Kimberly brings up the restraining order. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET TO A MATCH??? As I’m sure you can guess, Kimberly just signed away the restraining order and it’s time for a mixed tag.

Kimberly/Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Miss Hancock

The girls start but Kimberly poses instead of doing anything. Hancock goes after her and Kimberly calls that pathetic. Now it’s time for Hancock to dance before she rips the M off the ME on Kimberly’s top. We’re still waiting on anything to actually happen. Kimberly tries to slap Page but he gets his hand up.

They catfight for a bit until Hancock slaps Awesome and runs over to Page for an actual wrestling match. Page speeds it up with a jumping clothesline and starts a brawl. That goes nowhere so Page tries a backslide, only to take a low blow to give Awesome control. Awesome sends Page flying with a nice German suplex but Page is right back up to send him into the buckle.

That’s enough wrestling (all minute and a half of it that we actually got) so they head outside with Awesome setting up a table. Back in and Awesome lands a frog splash as Hancock looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. Mike loads up the powerbomb over the top but Hancock pulls up her skirt for a distraction, allowing Page to grab a Diamond Cutter for the pin.

Rating: F. I know it’s hard to consider something a failure when it has Hancock and Kimberly in the same match but dear goodness this was a waste of time. This might have been fine on a house show but I’m supposed to believe that Awesome is this career killer and he’s in a glorified comedy mixed tag? Total waste of time.

Pamela tells us that Hulk isn’t fighting tonight.

Horace Hogan vs. Hulk Hogan

For some reason the cage is halfway down. Before the match, Bischoff says Jeff is going to be fine and tells Horace not to bother putting up a table because Hulk isn’t going to be here. So instead here’s Hollywood Hogan because this is different I guess. Hollywood asks for the cage to be completely lowered and it’s time for a Cell match because that’s what this match needed.

Hollywood starts in on the beating and it’s already weightlifting belt time. Horace bails to the floor where the beating continues but he kicks a chair into his uncle’s face to get a breather. Some chair shots hit the post though and Hollywood fights back, setting up the legdrop onto the chair onto Horace’s face for the pin.

Kidman comes in but gets beaten down as well.

Ric is ready for revenge. Yeah I’m sure.

Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair

Let’s get this over with because you know where this is going. Remember that this is in the Cell cage instead of a standard version, likely so we can have multiple interferences. Ric has Reid and Beth with him, meaning they’ll likely be kidnapped again. Russo looks terrified, albeit in a perfectly manly way. Vince grabs a headlock to start and shoulders Ric down. So he’s now on the list with names like Sting, Hogan and Luger.

Ric pops back up and goes for some chops but Russo kicks him low. Thankfully Flair is right back to his feet for some chops and a low blow of his own. This is probably more than Russo has sold since he’s been back. Ric suplexes him down and drops a knee because this is a wrestling match and not Russo’s total destruction because he’s the star of the show and therefore can’t take a beating like that. A few whips into the cage and chops have Russo in more trouble so here’s David Flair from under the ring to give Russo a chance.

So Ric beats up his son for a bit as Russo sets up a ladder in the ring for no apparent reason. He climbs up and pulls part of the roof down, likely so we can have more interference. Russo gets to the top of the cage but Ric follows him, only to get poked in the eye so Russo can get the better of it. Vince climbs back into the cage but Ric stomps his hands to make him fall. Since this is WCW, the camera misses the big crash.

Ric climbs down the ladder and puts Vince in the Figure Four, which Russo survives for OVER A MINUTE until the red liquid falls from the ceiling and knocks Ric and Charles Robinson out. David puts Ric in the Figure Four and Russo pops to his feet (not even a limp) and chokes Ric until Robinson counts the pin. Russo is polite enough to collapse after walking around the ring for a bit.

Rating: F. Think back for a minute to all the matches Flair has won with the Figure Four. He’s won titles, tournaments, showdowns, pay per view main events etc. with that hold and some of the biggest names of all time have passed out in the hold. You know who didn’t pass out or give up to it after nearly seventy seconds? Vince Russo. A writer, who still hasn’t lost a match in WCW and probably never will. Ric better have gotten a medal for putting Russo over like this because it

Nash and Steiner have a meeting before the main event.

The announcers chat for a bit. I always love seeing them at a makeshift table for some reason. It sums up WCW so well.

Kevin Nash vs. New Blood

Gauntlet match. Disco is out first in an Atlanta Falcons jersey, of course leading out Russo who is still not wearing a shirt. We get some Russo acting as he says Nash loses his shot if he gets pinned or if any of the Millionaires interfere. There are about ten guys on the ramp to come after Nash and Disco is in first, only to take a side slam for a quick pin after about nine seconds.

Candido and Johnny the Bull come in at the same time and Chris takes a Jackknife. Nash goes on to Johnny but the referee counts a pin on Candido, even though no one is touching him. Johnny gets the same treatment after a Jackknife, even though there was nothing stopping Nash from throwing a boot on him for a pin. Big Vito comes in and Nash Jackknifes him almost immediately for a “pin”. Even Nash seems confused as to why he doesn’t have to cover anyone and managed to get a boot on the chest at the three count.

Mysterio eats a big boot and Nash covers him with a boot for the pin. Normally I would make fun of Nash for embarrassing Mysterio like that but at least he’s trying to do this mess properly. Six guys come in for a big beatdown but here’s Goldberg to help Nash clean house. The match is thrown out somewhere at about two minutes and fifteen seconds. Yeah Nash beat (kind of at least) five guys in about a minute and WCW wonders why these guys weren’t taken seriously.

This brings out Bischoff to say that Goldberg is going to be suspended on Wednesday. Why he’s not suspended right now isn’t clear but Goldberg cuts him off to say if Bischoff suspends him, Bischoff is next to end the show.

Overall Rating: IWW. I was wrong. Dear goodness I was wrong about thinking it couldn’t get any worse than the things they had been doing. Between Russo staying in the Figure Four for over a minute and then not even limping ten seconds later to Bischoff winning a title to Nash and Goldberg running through the New Blood inside of five minutes to the World Champion losing in a nothing match that didn’t last three minutes, this show wasn’t just bad.

This show was running in the opposite direction and seemingly trying to either be as horrible and against what the fans wanted as possible. The pay per view was secondary to pushing the writers as the real stars of the show while so much of the night was about nothing. I have no idea what was supposed to make me want to get keep watching this show because the stories are totally uninteresting and far more confusing than they should be.

It’s really saying something when a show that aired over fifteen years ago makes me want to scream but this show pulled it off. WCW isn’t just about making Russo and Bischoff look good but now there’s almost nothing else on the show that I want to see. The World Title looks to be about on the same level as the WWF European Title (held by Eddie Guerrero at this point) right now and that’s not going to be enough to carry a promotion.

This company is about Russo and Bischoff vs. Nash, Goldberg and Hogan. Aside from being another version of the evil boss vs. the stars, the major problem here is none of the villains are treated like anything special, save for Russo and Bischoff. As I’ve said before, McMahon would take a beating and lose at times to make the winners look better. Russo still doesn’t get that though and it’s making for a horrible show, only to have the atrocious booking exacerbate everything. WCW can’t be saved by one tweak at this point, but at least it could hurt less. Unfortunately it’s probably going to get worse. It always does.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: May 31, 2000
Location: Idaho Center, Boise, Idaho
Attendance: 5,438
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is the third straight TV show where we’re coming in with a new World Champion, which isn’t even counting the mid-show title change from this past Monday. Maybe tonight we can start slowing things down a bit for a change. If we’re lucky, we might even get in some more Vince Russo stories! Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the multiple World Title changes from Monday. That really shouldn’t be a thing.

Opening sequence.

The ramp is on the left hand side. I don’t remember the last time that’s happened in WCW.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido

Funk is defending and Candido comes in dressed like Terry for no apparent reason. Before the match, Candido praises Bischoff for giving him the chance to become champion. Well you have to get that praise in there or else he might start feeling bad. Funk comes out and chairs him in the head to start and they’re already in the back, drawing boos because A, the live fans are getting ripped off again and B, they don’t have a camera ready back there. Was it so hard to say “hey we’re going backstage early so have a camera ready.”? Or better yet, and more likely “hey, they’re going backstage early so have that pretape ready.”

Funk dumps trash over both of them before hitting Candido in the head with a chair again. Terry throws him on the back of a flatbed truck and drives it away (car thief). It’s back to the announcers because they have no idea what else to do now. A camera crew finally catches up to them and they’re near a stable. Well of course they are.

Candido has had time to recover and he sends Funk into a bail of hay, the water trough and then some manure. They go into a horse stall and Funk grabs a piledriver but they have to leave before the horse almost kicks Candido in the head. Tony calls that the high spot of the night. And now, because we’re in a Vince Russo booked company and nothing has to make sense, there’s a table next to the stall. Terry slams him through it….and hits the referee with a trashcan. Then Funk wakes him up and counts the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Ok, first and foremost, this is a big upgrade over a lot of the hardcore matches because it was something different. Instead of the usual “I hit you, you hit me, we do a finish” formula, they actually mixed this up a bit and went outside the walls a little bit. That being said, they still did a table spot at a stable. That felt so stupid and out of place that it crippled whatever they had going. Was there nothing else you could do, like piledrive Candido on….I don’t know……THE GROUND?

Russo puts Cat in charge for the night. I think I could live with this.

The Flair Family arrives. How Ric got them back isn’t made clear of course.

Kimberly arrives and gets the paparazzi treatment.

Here are the Flairs with something to say. After some WOOing, Ric talks about how it took Russo and a ball bat to get the title off of him this past Monday. This is the first time his family has been in the ring with him but there’s no David. Instead, David is in the back somewhere with Russo despite having the chance to be someone in this business. Not because of his abilities or anything, but because of his last name.

Ric is going to have his chance to give David the beating he deserves soon enough, but tonight he wants Russo in this ring for a match. Cue Russo, David and security with Vince in sunglasses because he didn’t want his New York friends to know he’s in Boise. Eh good line. He had to have one in all the time he jabbers. Russo talks about returning the champ (meaning Reid) and the witch to Ric. He has a cold tonight but he’s still here, unlike Flair who took a week off with a headache.

Ric swears a lot and calls David even worse than Russo. Vince ignores him and talks to Beth, bringing up the John Lennon song Imagine, because Beth needs to imagine what it’s going to be like when David retires Ric at the Great American Bash. Ric beats up security guards and asks if Russo wants a fight tonight. Russo offers a father/son vs. father/son match instead and Reid agrees. The guards hold the Flairs back and David gets in a cheap shot with the bat and Russo adds a slap because Russo is cool like that. WAY too long here to get to the point but they had to get in Russo’s funny lines.

Kimberly yells at Cat over not having her needs met tonight. Cat stares at her chest and eventually gives her Mike Awesome to manage tonight for some TV time. For some reason Awesome is excited when Kimberly asks if he’s good at massaging her feet.

Back from a break and Cat comes into his office, only to find Kidman in his chair. They argue over Horace because we’re still not clear if Horace and Kidman are friends or not. Cat makes Kidman vs. Horace vs. Sting tonight and Torrie doesn’t seem happy for some reason.

Here are Awesome and Kimberly with something to say. Awesome promises to hurt Page even worse than he hurt Kanyon and that means being worse than a broken back. Kimberly suggests that the people applaud her and get annoyed when it’s not loud enough. She runs her mouth even more until a plant runs in and gets beaten up. Was there a point to any of this and I’m just missing it?

Cat gives Shane Douglas a World Title match as a thank you for all of his hard work lately. Ok, the title change streak has to end here right? I know the company is crazy but they’re not going to put it on Shane freaking Douglas.

Horace Hogan vs. Sting vs. Kidman

Wait is this a handicap or a three way? I know Cat said it was a three way but it’s never clear if the people making the matches know what they’re talking about. Sting charges down the ring and dives over the top to take out both guys. They head outside with Sting getting double teamed, allowing Kidman to do the Hogan hand to the ear. There’s a legdrop for two as Horace seemed fine with potentially losing the match.

Sting fights up and sends Horace to the floor but can’t get the Deathlock. Horace adds a Death Valley Driver but Kidman is smart enough to break it up at two. It’s table time but Horace hits Kidman by mistake. Sting comes back with Splashes and throws Kidman through the table, followed by a long run down the ramp to drive them both through the table again. Kidman is out so the Scorpion makes quick work of him to give Sting the win.

Rating: D. This was one of the more coherent matches I’ve seen from WCW in a long time and it was still a mess. Kidman vs. Horace is such a lame feud and I’m still not clear why they’re fighting. I mean, I know it’s because Torrie went with Horace that time, but has that ever been explained or addressed since? Not that it matters as Sting and the other Millionaires keep beating both guys and making them look like even bigger losers than they already are.

Kidman and Horace argue until Mike Awesome comes down to break it up.

Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner are ready for Nash and Scott tonight. Abbott hypes up his showdown with Goldberg on Monday. That’s the translated version at least as neither can talk to save their life.

Jarrett doesn’t like having to defend against Shane tonight and rants to Russo about it. Russo says don’t worry about it.

Ralphus and Norman still can’t find a job after their lawn mowing and babysitting endeavors have both failed. However, they see a sign for a backyard wrestling federation and the lightbulbs go off again.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Shane Douglas

Jarrett is defending but it’s not clear which title, as his graphic says he’s the US Champion. Even technology can’t keep up with Russo’s booking. Tenay and Schiavone talk about how they don’t recommend backyard wrestling. Heenan is more worried that Ralphus is loose in a neighborhood. Jeff cuts Shane off from talking and I’m suddenly a bigger fan. Shane stomps away in the corner and catches him in an atomic drop for no cover.

Cue the Cat to applaud Shane but Jeff steals his scarf and chokes Shane out. A powerslam and backslide get two each for Shane but the referee and Cat get in a fight. Shane hits the Pittsburgh Plunge but Cat throws a chair at the referee. With the ref down, Cat kicks the chair into Shane’s face, setting up the Stroke to retain the title. So Cat just fixed a problem he caused in the first place. You know what? I’ll take it. It makes more sense than most stuff they do around here.

Page sits down with Tenay and talks about his history with Bischoff, but he doesn’t know how they split so far apart. He never saw this coming with Kimberly but not the person she’s become now. After talking about his book a bit (didn’t that come out like a year or more ago?), Page promises revenge against Awesome. Tenay suggests that maybe Page has caused all these problems and Page leaves. Well to be fair Hogan caused most of his own problems and is supposed to be worshiped in WCW so why can’t Page get the same treatment?

Cat gives Stasiak and Palumbo a Tag Team Title shot tonight and just for fun, the titles can change hands on a DQ. Shane runs in to yell at Cat, who says the devil made him do it.

Nash and Scott are on exercise bikes as the Freaks watch.

Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo

Kronik is defending and remember that the titles can change hands on a DQ. Adams and Stasiak start as Heenan talks about being on the radio where everyone was talking about Goldberg. I know it’s stupid and I know no one buys it, but points to Heenan for trying to make WCW sound important. We’ve spent months hearing WCW announcers rip on the company and basically treat the fans like idiots, but at least Heenan is trying to do SOMETHING positive.

Stasiak gets beaten down and it’s off to Clark vs. Palumbo. Tony calls him Palumbi as Chuck kicks Clark in the chest for two. As the announcers talk about Columbo (as in the cop show from the 70s), Clark’s tilt-a-whirl backbreaker winds up being a tilt-a-whirl back of the head breaker which thankfully didn’t break Chuck’s neck. Palumbo clotheslines Adams and brings in Stasiak who mostly misses a jumping back elbow. The not hot tag brings in Adams to clean house and there’s High Times to Stasiak but Adams hits Palumbo with the exercise bar like an idiot and we have new champions.

Rating: F. Other than Heenan, this was one of the worst matches I’ve seen WCW have in at least a week. For once though it’s more because of the blown spots and poor execution rather than the terrible booking. This was one of the only realistic ways to get the belts off Kronik and I like that they’re giving it to a new team….but Stasiak is still really boring and I don’t see that getting any better.

Kronik chokeslams the referee to blow off some steam.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. I think this is one of those things WCW has forgotten they’re paying for and it just keeps going because no one watches Thunder.

Back to the backyard wrestling where Norman is mistake for Booker T. Norman asks the champion champion (probably 14 years old) if he knows anything about amateur wrestling. That would be no of course so Norman offers to share some of his amateur background. After some basic technique, Norman demonstrates a three quarter nelson….and demands that Ralphus count a pin, making Norman the new champion. Norman and Ralphus run off with the title as the kids chase after them. These two continue to be hilarious and continue to go nowhere. Well other than up the street with the paper belt of course.

We get another sitdown interview with Eric Bischoff over whatever made he and Russo miss Thunder two weeks ago. Bischoff talks about making news and says we’ll find out at Great American Bash and McMahon can’t stop it. I’d love to see McMahon watching this show and chuckling while his pay per view for this month had Rock vs. HHH for an hour with Undertaker making his return with a new gimmick, Jericho vs. Benoit in a submission match and a triple threat with the other Radicalz. You have all that but WCW has another GAME CHANGING idea.

Vince Russo/David Flair vs. Reid Flair/Ric Flair

This is going to be ugly. Ric and David start (thank goodness) with the dad chopping away in the corner. He rips David’s shirt off for more chops (what a horrible father. I know Russo has ruined this company but I almost want to cheer for him over Ric.) but stops to yell at Russo. Since we’re in the middle of a match and Ric is a horrible father, he offers to let Reid have a three minute match with Russo. If Reid can’t pin him, Ric will leave the business.

The freakshow continues as Reid takes Russo down. There goes Russo’s jacket as Reid takes him down two more times in a row. After about two minutes, Ric comes in and beats on Russo, only to have David come in with more chops and a suplex. Ric and David fight to the floor, allowing Russo to smash a Statue of Liberty over Ric’s face. Back inside and some quick double teaming sets up the Figure Four on Reid, allowing Russo to cover him for the pin.

Rating: F. For the second time tonight, a grown man has pinned an adolescent. Not only is Russo coming up with nonsensical ideas but he’s repeating them in the same hour. For some reason though, I’m liking this better than having women being stupid and getting kidnapped over and over.

Ric wants Russo in a cage on Monday and threatens to call Ted Turner to get the match made.

Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

The Cat is out for commentary as the good guys clean house to start. Scott suplexes Tank to the floor but that’s too much time without an announcement: whoever gets the fall here is #1 contender to the World Title. Rick kicks his brother low for two but we cut to the back to Jarrett, who says there’s going to be a DQ here. So this match has DQ’s as well? Rick’s cobra clutch is as lame as you would expect a Rick Steiner cobra clutch to be but his belly to belly is a little bit better.

Tank comes in for some punches (yes punches) before Rick comes back in to continue that cobra clutch. Scott finally grabs a side slam for two and makes the tag off to Nash for some house cleaning. A big boot gets two on Tank but Rick hits him low, setting up the third cobra clutch in five minutes. Cue Jarrett with the guitar to break up the Recliner on Rick but Cat makes it No DQ. A belt shot only gets two on Nash (of course) and he kicks a chair into Rick’s face, setting up the Jackknife for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D-. Another horrible match and another way for Nash to look like a world beater, even though I have no reason to believe he’ll hold the title if he wins it at the pay per view. Also, Nash vs. Jarrett is really the best idea they can go with? As much as I hate to admit it, yeah it probably is.

Overall Rating: D-. Somehow that’s one of the better shows they’ve had in a long time. They toned down some of the insanity in the first hour, but after Ralphus and Norman invaded a backyard wrestling federation (that was awesome), Vince Russo got to pin a twelve year old and treated it like a major win. The Great American Bash now has a BIG SURPRISE planned, thereby guaranteeing that it’s going to be underwhelming. Anyway, as usual here, the more Russo a show has, the worse it gets.

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Monday Nitro #235
Date: April 10, 2000
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s kind of hard to preview this show as it’s all about the company being reset. Russo and Bischoff are coming in to a bigger reception than Hogan back in 1994 because they’re writers and therefore more important than anything else. Since WCW is stupid, this is also the go home show for Spring Stampede, which has nothing set up so far. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Most of the roster is in and around the ring to start. More come out as this isn’t the most thrilling start. Jeff Jarrett gets to talk first because we’re just lucky that way. He came here to be the WCW World Champion but his master plan got derailed by some good old boys who couldn’t compete in his league. Jeff gets to the point and calls for the man himself: Vince Russo.

The Long Island accent with a Russo attached talks about making the WWF what it was before coming here to beat Vince McMahon at his own game. Within a few weeks, the new blood of WCW was making a change, but then the good old boy network kicked in. All the political BS in the back brought Russo down and all those people are sitting at home watching him now.

Then they decided that a change had to come and Russo was sent home. Even some of the wrestlers knew the change would suck. The Radicalz knew it and left. Scott Steiner knew it and got suspended. Well now the good old boys network is gone and it’s time for the young guys to rise. This brings out Bischoff and they hug, giving us the new power team. The good old boys network screwed both of them over with Bischoff listing Diamond Dallas Page, Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan in particular.

We see Sting, Luger, Sid and Page watching on a monitor in the back. Bischoff goes on about Hogan, even apologizing to everyone in the ring for how much trouble Hogan caused them. Now Bischoff wants to see the old guys so here they come. “What’s up Sid? No softball game?”

Page doesn’t know what Eric is smoking so Bischoff tells him to screw off. Bischoff takes credit for rebuilding Sting’s career as the announcers sound like they’re in awe of this. A level playing field where everyone has to earn their spot is promised but first Russo has something to say to Ric Flair. After promising to wipe Flair off the bottom of his shoe, Russo drops the bombshell: all titles are vacant.

The bored crowd chants for Goldberg as Sid says he won’t give up his title. Bischoff comes up to him and threatens the end of Sid’s career. “What’s the matter Sid? Can’t find your scissors?” Madden: “WOW!” The fans are silent so Bischoff repeats the line. Amazingly enough, the fans are still silent. Sid finally hands it over and Eric announces that all champions will be crowned at Spring Stampede.

That one part where Bischoff mentioned an inside reference and no one reacted sums up this show thing. This was a twenty minute segment made up almost entirely of insider stories and statements that went over the heads of probably 98% of the audience. What good old boys network is he talking about and how did they ruin what Russo had going on? Yeah I know what they’re talking about because it’s 2015 and this is all ancient history. How many people had any idea what they were talking about in 2000? Also of course ignore the fact that this is Russo yet AGAIN blaming everyone else for his ideas bombing.

This was a long segment to set up the new Russo and Bischoff regime and let them get in their shots at Vince and all of their other enemies (read as anyone else who has ever had a different idea) as the fans are left sitting there wondering what in the world is going on. Finally, it really doesn’t instill me with confidence when the new writers who are supposed to save the company are basically saying “yeah this is too complicated for us to fix so let’s just reset the whole thing instead of booking our way out of it.” That’s quite the opening impression.

Hogan arrives.

During the break, all the wrestlers in the ring left.

Sting and Hogan talk about what just happened and Sting says Bischoff might as well have just kicked Hogan between the legs. Sting: “I’m not ribbing you.”

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Total Package

This isn’t a tournament for the title, but rather a tournament to face Jeff Jarrett for the title on Sunday. Page’s music stops halfway through his entrance and he has no pyro. Because he has to prove himself you see. Prove himself in the World Title tournament he’s already in that is.

Luger, as in the guy who was out most of last year and hasn’t had an important win since Halloween Havoc, doesn’t have music either as he comes to the ring as one of five potential World Title winners. It’s ten minutes after the promise of a level playing field and they’re already defying their own logic. In case you’re wondering, Page’s last major win would probably be……well also at Halloween Havoc.

The match starts slow with both guys looking like they’re in their 40s who are out there for a healthy paycheck. The announcers ignore the match to talk about Bischoff riding Hogan’s coattails in another argument that no common fan would care about. Luger stomps Page in the corner and chokes with a boot as Madden makes fun of Page as is his custom.

Some backbreakers have Page in trouble AND IT’S ANGLE TIME! Buff Bagwell comes out with full music and pyro to distract Luger, allowing Page to get in a low blow. Tony: “What’s going to happen next in this program? It’s only segment two!” Luger and his gonads of steel shrug off the low blow and Page gets powerslammed, only to have Buff go after Liz for a distraction. That would be the second distraction of the match and it allows Page to Diamond Cut Luger for the pin. He gets about half a second of music before they cut it off again.

Rating: D-. Oh man this show is going to SUCK. They had a four and a half minute match between two veterans who have to prove themselves and it took two distractions and a no sold low blow to put Luger down. This is going to be the old Russo idea of running an angle or three in every match because the fans are too stupid to just watch a match without some bonus entertainment to carry them through. Oh and great: we might even get Luger vs. Bagwell out of this. Again. For like the dozenth time.

Hogan can’t find Bischoff.

Hennig asks Russo why he isn’t in the World Title scene. Russo gives him Jarrett tonight and if he wins, he gets in the World Title match on Sunday. So there are officially three semi-final matches for two spots in a final? Now they’re ignoring the laws of numbers.

Here’s Tank Abbott to say he’s a shootfight and not a wrestler. Well we’ve known that for months but at least it’s confirmed. Tank came here for Goldberg and what a coincidence that Goldberg got hurt the week Tank arrived. Starting tonight, he’s going to beat up innocent bystanders until Goldberg comes back. First up: Mark Madden, who loses his shirt in the beating.

Jarrett tells Russo that it better be good.

Kidman tells Torrie he wants to do this.

Hogan is given directions to Bischoff’s office. These three scenes took a combined 15 seconds.

Hogan finds Bischoff and they talk in an office.

Here’s Kidman with a microphone. He feels like he’s been handed a get out of jail free card because he and the rest of the New Blood (of course it’s an official thing now) have been held down by the old guys. Kidman wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, who has been talking about him a lot lately. Hogan doesn’t have the heart and talent that Kidman have and it’s taken all those years of spotlight to give Hogan that grotesque orange tan. He calls Hogan out and wouldn’t you know it, Hogan is walking past a monitor in the back.

Hogan comes out and thankfully Hudson explains what the heck Kidman is talking about, because Kidman certainly didn’t go into details about it. Again: WCW assumes that all of the fans are on the internet reading everything. Hogan says Kidman gives the young guys in this business a bad name. He brings up Torrie and Kidman goes after him, which Tony declares as the world turning upside down.

They fight to the floor with Hogan getting the better of it (expected) and beating Kidman up even more back inside. Cue Bischoff with a chair. Hogan runs his hand over his eyebrow and gets hit with the chair, drawing blood right where his hand went over the eyebrow. I remember seeing that as a kid and yelling at my TV how fake it looked. Kidman gets a cover and pin with Bischoff counting the three, in what is probably the only time Hogan lays down for him, or anyone for that matter.

Ric Flair arrives.

Hogan wants Bischoff and Kidman and swears a lot.

Flair watches the opening segment in the back and comes to the ring. Ric talks about Russo growing up as a Flair fan (not likely in New York but whatever) and now he thinks Flair is old. In this town, Brian Griese (current Denver Broncos quarterback) throws a lot of touchdown passes but that doesn’t make fans forget about John Elway because in this town, Elway is the man. Flair was always great at throwing in the sports analogies and getting easy pops (not a bad thing) for them.

Bischoff has the guts to walk up to come to Ric face to face and he isn’t wasting money on attorneys again, so get out here right now. Instead Flair gets Scott Steiner, who calls Flair’s teeth crooked. All of the WWF’s current champions came from WCW (no, they didn’t) because Flair and company ran them off. Steiner puts in some fake teeth to do a Flair impression, allowing Shane Douglas to return and attack Flair.

Kevin Nash returns on crutches.

Bret Hart is in the crowd.

Flair is looking for Douglas.

As luck would have it, Douglas is with Gene, who gets more emotional than you’ll ever see him over what Shane just did. Douglas says that was the beginning of Flair’s road and he’s going to do whatever he wants.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sid Vicious vs. Sting

Now this would be the semi-finals to advance to the final for the final as opposed to the semi-final for the final. Got that? These guys get their music all the way to the ring because Russo and Bischoff have already forgotten that story. Sting sidesteps a charge to start and kicks Sid onto the turnbuckle, setting up a splash to send Sid outside. Sid comes back and mocks the crowd a bit as I had already forgotten he turned heel a few weeks ago. Back in and Sting’s splash hits knees (not feet as Tony calls them) to keep Sid in control.

A cobra clutch slam gets two before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Cue the Wall with a table and the referee gets put down. Sid powerbombs Sting (now the Millennium Bomb. I kind of dig that name actually) but gets chaired in the back. Wall chokeslams Sid through the table and that’s a countout because SID’S BODY LAYING ON A BROKEN TABLE isn’t enough to make the referee think anything is up.

Rating: D. These two have been having decent to good matches for eleven years and it took Vince Russo less than seven minutes (longest match of the night of course) to screw that up. Wall going after Sid could be one heck of a mess, but at least it’s another young guy getting a push against a veteran.

Here’s Ric Flair to challenge Shane Douglas for later tonight. Not next week, not at the pay per view, not at some point in the future. Tonight, because Russo doesn’t understand what it means to build to a match. That being said, Flair is the only person here who hasn’t sounded stupid. It’s almost like he knows what he’s doing.

Hogan is still on a rampage.

Back from a break and Hogan is still on a rampage and beats up Shannon Moore and Shane Helms for not knowing where Kidman is.

Clip of the Ready to Rumble premiere.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Curt Hennig

I guess this is a tournament match. I mean, the winner goes to the title match on Sunday so why not. They start brawling in the aisle despite no personal issue between the two of them. Curt takes him over to the announcers’ table for a beating before Jeff clotheslines him down inside. We get the Jarrett sleeper/suplex sequence but here’s the debuting Shawn Stasiak (formerly Meat in the WWF) to what sounds like Curt Hennig’s old Mr. Perfect music.

The distraction makes Hennig throw a wild back elbow which Jarrett ducks and the referee gets bumped. I can’t say it hit the referee because it didn’t come close but Little Naitch went down anyway. Stasiak comes in and mostly fails at lifting Hennig up for a fireman’s carry before dropping him in what can be most accurately described as a reverse F5. It was so botched that there’s really no describing the move. The Stroke gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: D+. For those of you counting, this is the third match that has ended as a result of someone interfering. It’s clear that WCW has decided they know what we want as wrestling fans and if we object we’re not giving them enough of a chance. The match could have been good had it been a match and not a punching fest, but these two are just wrestlers and no one would want to see that.

Hogan is storming through sky boxes to find Bischoff.

Nash tells someone to get here if they can.

Sting says he is loyalty and he’s coming after Russo’s golden boy on Sunday.

Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas

Both guys are in street clothes. They’re quickly on the floor with Ric firing off chops, followed by a low blow back inside. Hudson goes off about Douglas talking trash about Flair on the dirt sheets as Shane kicks Flair low. Cue Russo with a bat to hit Flair and that’s a DQ.

Russo steals Flair’s watch.

Here’s Kevin Nash, who immediately rips on the new bosses who are trying to be wrestlers and screw over some of the boys. He wants to know what happened to that sweet little wrestling show we had every Monday? Like, where is the Dog when you need him? Nash has been talking to Hall, who wants to come back soon. Neither Bischoff or Russo would be here if not for he and Hall, especially Russo who they had to save from Shawn Michaels over and over. This brings out the debuting and reigning ECW World Champion to beat Nash down. Awesome wants some of this opportunity that Russo and Bischoff are offering.

Hogan is on the phone in his limo and demanding Kidman soon. The Hummer (from last summer, now white instead of black) comes up and crushes the limo. Bischoff and Kidman get out and celebrate.

WCW World Title Tournament Final: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting

The winner gets Jarrett on Sunday so Jeff is on commentary. Page is thrown outside to start before a pair of Stinger Splashes put him down again. The Deathlock is broken up by an arm in the ropes and Page gets two off a belly to belly. Jarrett goes after Kimberly so Page head outside, allowing Vampiro to run in give Sting the Nail in the Coffin. A Diamond Cutter sends Page to Spring Stampede.

Rating: D. I’m almost done with this show. It’s almost over. If I can get through a few more minutes, this will finally be over. Then I can watch ANYTHING ELSE and see a different finish, because it’s clear that we’re going to be seeing a lot of the same things over and over again and it’s going to get more and more annoying every week. This was just a brief workout until the ending happened, as all the matches have been so far.

Jarrett swings the guitar at Page but hits Kimberly instead.

After a break, Jarrett comes out for the closing speech. He talks about six days before his destiny is fulfilled when he is finally crowned WCW World Champion. Cue Page to beat Jarrett down but Scott Steiner hits the ring to make it 2-1. Luger, now a face I guess, comes in to help Page but Bagwell, Vampiro and Wall came in. By George WE’VE GOT STABLE WARS!!! Sting’s save doesn’t work as Booker T. (yes T.) comes in to help the New Blood. The New Blood obliterates the Millionaire’s Club as Russo and Bischoff come out to watch. They go to leave but an angry Bret Hart is waiting for them to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I can’t call it a failure because they had an idea but that doesn’t mean it was a well executed idea. Nash summed it up best: what happened to the wrestling show? It’s very clear that under Russo and Bischoff, this has stopped being a wrestling show and is now just a poorly written drama.

The idea of having the youth vs. the old guys is solid, but when the stuff like “they have to earn their music and pyro” is literally forgotten fifteen minutes after it starts and the stories are almost all based around dirtsheets that wouldn’t be frequently read today, those stories are quickly forgotten. That’s Russo in a nutshell: yeah there are ideas there, but the ton of horrible stuff on top of them crush any positives.

Either way, this show was not good. It had a lot going on, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good show. Spring Stampede feels like it has the potential to be an even bigger disaster and I’m terrified to think what we might have to sit through in order to form Russo and Bischoff’s vision for WCW.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #229
Date: February 28, 2000
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,638
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

The big story coming out of Thunder is that the old guys are actually starting to mix it up with the younger guys in the form of Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk and Vampiro vs. Ric Flair. I fully expect WCW to screw this up as only they can, but it’s nice to dream for a little while. I’m sure Luger and Hogan will be here tonight to explain how things really work in wrestling. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the last week, with Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon (yes of Batman) and Luger/Flair taking over the shows by beating up Hogan and anyone else who get in their way.

Sid arrived earlier today. Yes, he actually CAME TO WORK. Tonight he defends against Tank Abbott. Oh how this company continues to fail. Can’t we get some Greg Valentine title shots again?

Jarrett doesn’t care if Abbott wins because he has a guaranteed title shot. At least they’re wearing NWO gear now and Jeff has his US Title. They must be listening to me.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. 2XS

The Italians are defending and the challengers tell Miss Hancock to stay in the back because she’s messing up their rat chasing. Lane and Idol start things fast but here’s Hancock for commentary as the champions take over. A kick to the head and neckbreaker drop Lane. Disco: “Why are you being so nice to her?” Madden: “SHUT UP DISCO!!!” The camera is smart enough to stay on Hancock instead of the match which sees both guys on the mat.

Idol comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Hancock gets on the table to dance (and keeps having to pull her skirt, if you can even call it that, down). Everyone but Vito (down) is distracted, allowing Vito to get up and plant Idol with the DDT for the pin. Tony: “Finally something happens in the match.” The match was short and we missed way too much of it looking at Hancock, making this one of the more entertaining matches in a long time.

Vito wants more dancing and Hancock is happy to oblige, only to have the Harris Twins come in to clean house. Thankfully it doesn’t seem that Hancock is with the Twins. They want a title shot.

We run down the card.

The KidCam sees Bagwell hitting on Liz. This is totally and completely different than GTV. This was also taped earlier as Luger, Liz and Flair are watching. Ric wants to take Bagwell out for this.

Bigelow picks Sid to beat Abbott tonight.

The Nitro Girls are at Ohio State as we’re getting ready for Spring Breakout.

Hogan, with his weightlifting belt back, wants a Yappapai strap match with Flair at Uncensored. You can hear the fans boo when he calls himself the greatest of all time.

Here are Flair (with another weightlifting belt), Luger and Liz with something to say. Flair yells about Hogan like the good old days when he was a psycho. Luger calls Sting a no-show (true actually) and says tonight the Stuff gets snuffed. Lex keeps going by ripping down Minnesota so here’s Curt Hennig of all people to challenge Flair to a match tonight. I haven’t heard Hennig this fired up in years. Flair says it’s on and Hennig promises to streak down the streets of Minneapolis if he loses.

Booker blames the tag team loss on Thunder on Kidman being on the floor with Torrie.

Torrie and Kidman want the KidCam back.

Nitro Girls.

Madden talks while Tony is on the phone. The results of the call: Sting will be here tonight. They needed a call to confirm that?

Jarrett promises to win the title at Uncensored and doesn’t know who Vampiro is. For some reason he specifies that it’s Uncensored 2000, as opposed to Uncensored 45.

Booker vs. Kidman

Imagine that: taking two young, talented people and having them fight each other in a meaningless match instead of building them up. Booker elbows him down for two but gets caught in a victory roll for the same. The ax kick plants Booker but here come the Harris Twins for the DQ.

Both guys take H Bombs and Torrie gets knocked off the apron.

Gene calls Cassius the mystery man. I know he isn’t a dirty old man now but I’d prefer that over stupid. Harlem Heat thinks you should have someone watching your back.

Lash Leroux thinks Sid wins tonight.

Here’s a clip of a guy with 28 inch arms at the Arnold Classic. Good for him.

Norman Smiley is going to beat up Dustin Rhodes for Dustin hurting Terry Funk. Anything new for Norman is an upgrade.

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs is defending after Finlay beat 3 Count on Wednesday. Brian fights all three of them off using the cast and everyone uses weapons. There’s a Pit Stop for Shannon and Knobbs throws him out to the floor. Tony mentions that this is a Night of Champions. Thanks for telling us that nearly halfway through the show. Moore gets powerbombed through a table but a trashcan lid shot and a dog pile is enough to pin Knobbs and give us a triple champion.

Vampiro wants to show Jeff Jarrett some pain tonight.

Knobbs wants a rematch. Finlay thinks it’s time to make 3 Count’s lives miserable, starting with a six man tag on Thunder with a surprise partner. It’s time to bring out the dog. Oh dear.

Norman Smiley vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin comes out to an instrumental version of his old “Well they call him the natural” theme. Norman is wearing full football pads and puts on a bearhug of all things to start. A cross body puts Dustin down but for some reason doesn’t cause him any major pain. Some dancing sends Dustin to the floor before the swinging slam sets up the Big Wiggle. Dustin will have none of this fun and the beating is on. He drops Norman chest first onto the barricade, which should have no effect due to the pads but WCW in 2000 is stupid enough to defy science. Back in and a top rope clothesline is enough to give Dustin the pin.

Nick Patrick picks Tank Abbott. I’ll give them this: at least they’re trying to make this feel important.

US Title: Vampiro vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff is defending and has a bunch of women with him but quickly sends them to the back. Before we get to the match, we get a quick recap of Jeff guitaring everyone, which now cost him $10,000 apiece. They start fast with headlocks into headscissors but Vampiro starts firing off the kicks. That goes nowhere so they head outside with Jarrett dropping him on the barricade to take over.

Back inside and it’s Jarrett in control but Vampiro catches himself off a monkey flip. That earns him a clothesline as this has been almost all Jarrett so far. A quick Rock Bottom gets two for Vampiro and some small packages get the same, but here are the Twins for a distraction. Sid comes out to chase them off but the referee doesn’t see the cover off Vampiro’s Nail in the Coffin. Jarrett hits a quick belt shot for two (with the bell ringing anyway), avoids the guillotine legdrop, and hits a quick Stroke to retain.

Rating: D+. Notice the difference between this and Flair vs. Vampiro on Thunder: here Vampiro got in almost nothing until a bunch of interference screwed Jarrett up. On top of that, Jarrett pinned him clean. That’s not a good way to make Vampiro look good, but this was about setting up Sid vs. Jarrett instead of doing anything for anyone else.

The Mamalukes pay a guy to give the Harris Twins a package.

Ricki Rachman, an annoying tattooed guy who does promotional stuff, talks to Disco Inferno about 3 Count while sitting at a restaurant at Ohio State. Seriously.

Fit Finlay attacked Vampiro during the break. Why you ask? Not answered, just like when he did it on Wednesday.

David Flair dances with the Nitro Girls but Daffney catches him. I’d make a “well maybe he didn’t think she was watching like everyone else” but it was too easy. Everything is cool after a few seconds.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. David Flair

David is challenging and Crowbar is on commentary. Prince licks his own finger and points at David so David points back at him. Crowbar does an actually funny Gordon Solie imitation, getting in every catchphrase he can. Prince takes him down with some right hands but Crowbar shoves him off the ropes. David covers for two but the girls get in a fight, allowing Prince to hit his middle rope DDT to retain.

Sid has been attacked and a guitar is seen nearby.

The NWO leaves but the guy from earlier delivers the package to the Twins. It’s a dead fish. Eh I’ve seen worse.

Sid has been banned from strenuous physical activity. Well Sid hasn’t been strenuous in the ring for years so that should be fine. Sid comes up and says he’s fighting tonight, even though he’s dizzy.

The Cat vs. The Maestro

Cat insults some fat fans before Maestro comes out. Symphony carries out a boom box with the music Stro has to listen to as part of the bet. The boom box plays what sounds like 3 Count, Maestro freaks out and hits Cat with the boom box and gets the pin.

Liz and Luger have lost the bat.

Kidman picks Tank Abbott.

Ric Flair vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig slugs away in the corner to start and nails a backdrop, followed by some chops in the corner. Flair gets slammed off the top as this has literally been all Hennig so far. We get a ref bump because wrestling has gotten too complicated around here. The PerfectPlex has Flair in trouble but Luger comes in for the save. A low blow gives Ric the pin.

Rating: D+. This is a hard pairing to screw up but they came close with less than four minutes, a ref bump and interference. Either give them more time and cut out stuff like Cat vs. Maestro or…..actually just cut that match and give this match the time. There’s no real reason to not be able to give more than one match seven minutes or so, but they’re cramming so much stuff in here and it’s screwing up the rest of the card.

Meng, who can suddenly speak English, can’t decide who wins the main event.

More stuff from Ohio State.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

Again. These two have fought more than maybe any other pair in Nitro history. So is Buff officially a face, even when he’s trying to steal someone’s woman? Some quick dropkicks have Luger in early trouble but they head outside with Luger choking away on the table. We hit a reverse chinlock back inside and Buff slaps the mat but the referee doesn’t care. How stupid does Bagwell have to be to not even blink when Bagwell taps the mat while in a submission? Bagwell gets his knees up to crotch Luger and makes his comeback, including a Vader Bomb for two. Buff goes after Liz but Flair comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. I’m sick of these two fighting, even when you set something up earlier in the night. The fact that it’s there to set up another Luger match because he’s still getting pushed for whatever reason doesn’t help either. Flair is the highlight of this team though and at least he’s willing to help build up some stars.

They load up the Pillmanizing but Sting returns for the save. Returns after being gone for a week that is.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Tank Abbott

Tank is challenging and comes in on a motorcycle. Sid is wobbly with glazed over eyes. I’m going to assume he’s fine. His taped up ribs seem a bit more serious. Tank grabs a front facelock and shouts GO TO SLEEP. That goes nowhere so Tank punches him in the ribs, amazingly showing some psychology. We hit a reverse chinlock before a bunch of body punches put Sid down again. Back up and Sid grabs a sleeper which he turns into the Crossface to make Tank tap.

Rating: D. Well, they tried some psychology but it wound up being a bunch of punching and chinlocks until Sid grabbed a hold to retain. This could have been far worse, but I could have gone for them sacrificing Tank to someone who needs the win instead of the World Champion. At least it was short and made sense though.

Overall Rating: D. The shows have had a bit more energy in recent weeks, but that might just be due to me giving up on fighting. It is however nice to see the younger guys at least being moved up the card, though unfortunately they haven’t actually won anything yet. This week was better, but they need to keep pushing forward and get away from these horrible main events already.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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SuperBrawl 2000
Date: February 20, 2000
Location: Cow Palace, San Francisco, California
Attendance: 8,569
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay

Well the TV shows have been some of the least interesting things I’ve ever had to sit through, so maybe the pay per view will be the complete opposite and be entertaining. I mean, stranger things have happened right? The main events tonight are Sid Vicious defending the World Title against Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall in a three way, plus Hogan vs. Luger and Funk vs. Flair because they haven’t replaced the Radicalz, but these old guys are still going to be fighting each other no matter who else is on the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video starts by focusing on Funk vs. Flair. The start of Funk’s promo overlaps the opening narration as they can’t even get something simple like “wait five more seconds” right. Sid defending the World Title is billed third here.

We open with, of course, a promo. Jarrett and the Twins leave the Commissioner’s office along with the girls, much to Gene’s shock. Much to my shock too as the Twins were banned from the building. Jarrett says he’s in charge due to hitting Nash with the guitar on Thunder. His first ruling: the Twins are allowed at ringside.

The announcers run down the card to fill in even more time, including the “Special Main Event Match” with The Demon vs. The Wall.

We recap the Cruiserweight Title tournament, including the matches between people not even in the finals. This gets us to over ten minutes of filler before the first match starts.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Lash Leroux

The title is vacant coming in and Artist has Paisley with him. Lash spanks Paisley and gets punched in the face. Some southern gentleman. Prince hammers away at the shoulder (allegedly head) in the corner but gets shoved down onto a very loud ring. Lash’s version of Flip Flop and Fly is broken up by a superkick to the face, only to get sent to the floor for a dive from the southern non-gentleman. Back in and Prince doesn’t seem to mind being crushed by a dive as he ties Lash up in the Tree of Woe for a running knee. Oh yeah Kevin Sullivan is in charge.

Lash tries a sunset flip but Iaukea grabs Charles Robinson’s crotch to stay on his feet before licking his own finger and pressing it to Lash’s head. The Artist keeps yelling at the referee (to be fair Robinson didn’t seem to like having his crotch grabbed) and Paisley gets on the apron for no apparent reason other than to give us a bright purple bodysuit as a distraction. Lash slugs away but the Paisley distraction lets Prince hit the middle rope DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. This was a Thunder match with a lame ending that did nothing to get the fans into the show. These two are the least interesting guys in the entire tournament (yes, less interesting than Kaz Hayashi) and they wind up in the finals. A member of 3 Count should have won this and then feuded with some other cruiserweight to build that person up as the new big deal. Instead it goes to Iaukea, who isn’t over and hasn’t been over in about three years since he beat Regal for the TV Title. Calling him over back then is a stretch but it’s as close as he ever got otherwise.

Norman Smiley has his ribs taped up after being chokeslammed through a table on Thunder.

Brian Knobbs yells about never giving up.

There’s a private room that no one is allowed inside. If no one is allowed inside, why bother looking at it? In theory wouldn’t that mean no one is inside in the first place?

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs

Brian is challenging so naturally he lost on TV this week. He also has a broken arm thanks to Luger. The brawl starts early and here’s Fit Finlay, who has been feuding with Knobbs in recent weeks but of course starts helping him here. Madden: “The title moves around a lot.” Bigelow is the third champion in about four months. That’s not moving around that fast. The World Title has changed hands seven times in January. If the Hardcore Title moves around a lot, the World Title took third in the 100m at the 1984 Olympics.

Knobbs and Bigelow fight into the back as Tenay says no one holds the belt that long. The first reign was a month and a half and the second was about a month. Would a little research kill these people? Bigelow throws him into a table of stuff but Finlay blasts the champ in the back of the head. Finlay is too talented to be involved here though and Knobbs says he wants to do this himself.

They head back to the ring where it’s table time, which leads to an interesting, semi-fourth wall breaking discussion of why there are so many tables under the ring. Knobbs sends himself through the table by mistake, setting up the Greetings From Asbury Park. Bigelow goes up top instead of covering and gets hit with with cast, knocking him out to the floor to give Brian the pin and the title.

Rating: F. It was boring, it didn’t make sense, and above all else it was poorly researched. If there’s one thing I want in my hardcore matches, it’s a heavily detailed bibliography with footnotes and references, along with a recommendation of other hardcore matches worth watching for further education. Is that too much to ask?

Flair and Luger are ready.

Sid and Hall’s dressing rooms are guarded.

3 Count vs. Norman Smiley

No singing tonight because it’s time to fight. No shoulder pads for Norman tonight either. Norman’s ribs are injured thanks to Wall chokeslamming him through a table. Tony: “Let’s take a look at the angle that lead to his injury.” Smiley cleans house to start and backdrops Shannon so hard over the top that he clears the other band members.

3 Count takes over without going after the ribs, though in their defense the ribs are covered by a 49ers jersey. The ribs are fine enough for a giant swing to Helms but Shannon breaks up the Big Wiggle. Shane and Shannon stop to dance, allowing Norman to wiggle instead. The band finally finds the bad ribs and stomps Norman down in the corner, setting up a pair of top rope splashes and a Boston crab to make Smiley give up.

Rating: D. So you give Norman a 3-1 disadvantage and an injury and then have him lose. Points for being logical, points taken away for killing the crowd by having the fan favorite lose. I like that they’re pushing 3 Count, but if they think this is going to get the fans to care about them, they’re even more lost than I thought.

Jarrett wants the Harris Brothers to find out who is in the locked room.

The Demon vs. The Wall

This is the MAIN EVENT MATCH, which is WCW’s way of fulfilling their contract with Kiss without wasting a main event on Demon. There’s no Wall because he realized how stupid this whole thing is. Demon goes to find him and gets jumped from behind, triggering another brawl.

Wall takes it inside and chokes with his boot as this is looking like a squash to start. Demon comes back with a clothesline and stomps away before mixing it up by punching in the corner. Back up and Wall drops him ribs first onto the ropes, only to get slammed off the top. The fans are already jeering this match so thankfully Wall chokeslams him off the top for the pin.

Rating: F. On pay per view mind you. This actually happened on pay per view. But it was a MAIN EVENT MATCH so everything is fine right? Demon was a character that was dead in the water before he started but at least they seem to be trying with Wall. I’d be stunned if he isn’t just being built up as cannon fodder for someone else but he’s getting a push for now.

Ernest Miller promises that James Brown is here. Apparently Beethoven stole his stuff from Little Richard, who stole it from James Brown. The things you learn around here.

The Twins can’t get into the room.

We recap Tank Abbott vs. Big Al, because this needs a story. Actually it does, as I have no idea why they’re fighting. Al is Tank’s former bodyguard from the UFC, so they’re having a leather jacket on a pole match.

Tank Abbott vs. Big Al

Al is in jeans and a biker vest. He takes off his belt and they tie their hands together, which means Tank is going to have to……oh dear goodness he’s going to have to wrestle. Or just throw left hands and swear a lot. Al hits him with a forearm that breaks the belt and seems to knock Tank out cold. Then he takes forever to wrap Tank’s legs around the post but stops, says that’s too good for him, and gets back inside. Back in and Al stands on his face, making sure to lean against the ropes.

Tank slugs him down and then throws Al onto his shoulders. For some reason he climbs all the way to the top, where he drops Al down, sending him feet first into the steps and head second onto the floor. By the way, to Bill Watts, THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE MATS OUT THERE (I read his book recently and he still thinks the biggest danger is a sprained ankle if you step on the edge). With Al somewhere between unconscious and dead, Tank goes out and hits him once in the chest before going up for the jacket and the win.

Rating: Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride. That’s as logical of a rating as I can give you after this. We had Al, who just appeared but has never wrestled before and I don’t believe will after this match, against Tank Abbott, who also isn’t a wrestler (at least by my definition), in a match about a leather jacket. Throw in the likely brain trauma for Al and this is one of the biggest calamities I’ve ever seen.

And now, for the infamous part. Abbott finds a knife in one of the jacket pockets and holds it over the unconscious Al’s throat, where he says he could kill Al right now. Tony suggests that they were scissors and that Abbott was going to cut Al’s beard. That line has been mocked a lot over the years, but I’ll actually give Tony credit for thinking it up that fast. Have you got a better idea for what he should be saying there? Now that being said, it would have been a lot better if Al actually had a beard.

We recap the battle of Harlem Heat. Stevie Ray claimed that Booker had forgotten where he came from and has since given Booker’s spot on the team to Big T. This of course includes the rights to the letter T. Booker was also arrested on attempted murder charges because he hit an atomic drop on J. Biggs. That’s a bit harsh. I mean, maybe he was just trying to cut off Biggs’ beard.

Booker tries to keep it simple by saying he’ll teach Big T. a lesson tonight. The T isn’t mentioned.

Booker vs. Big T.

For the rights to Harlem Heat. Oh and Booker has Leave It To Beaver music because he’s lost the rights to the Harlem Heat song. Stevie has promised that someone is coming back from Booker’s past to cost him the match tonight. That pretty much leaves Sherri Martel and Midnight unless it’s someone new. T. pounds on not-T to start but Booker comes back with a weak Angle Slam and a suplex.

Stevie grabs Booker’s foot (sounds like a hostile takeover of the B on Booker’s boot) so T. can knock Booker to the floor. Back in and Booker hits his kicks before knocking Biggs off the apron. There’s the Book End and missile dropkick but the lights go out. Thank goodness the referee counted so slowly. The bell tolls midnight and the lights come up with a large man (maybe 4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers) to distract Booker, setting up the Pearl River Plunge to pin Booker. I guess it was too much to ask the guy to actually do anything but stand there.

Rating: D-. Now, NEVER LET THEM FIGHT AGAIN. Big T. is worthless at this point and adding someone even bigger doesn’t make the team mean anything more. Booker is stuck in this stupid story because the idea of moving him up the card is a sin of some sort. I’m sure we’ll get another match though as Booker will find someone to team with him next time.

The Maestro is sick of hearing about James Brown and has a bet in mind: if Brown isn’t here, Miller has to be Maestro’s servant. If Brown is here, Maestro will listen to any music Miller picks exclusively. Keep in mind that this whole bet has been set up on the night of the show with about 100 minutes of air time left. This falls under the theory that if you have a good looking woman in the background (Symphony here), the scene is much easier to sit through.

The Twins beat up a backstage worker who can’t unlock the door. I know they’re not known for being too bright, but is it that complicated to have two 6’6 300lb monsters kick in a wooden door?

We get a WAY too long recap of Kidman vs. Vampiro, who had two good TV matches and then Vampiro walked out on him in a tag match. Tonight is the tiebreaker and the Wall is also involved in some way, though he isn’t appearing in this match. Therefore, I’m sure you get why he’s featured in the recap video. The video goes on for nearly two minutes, which might set a record for the longest recap of a midcard match ever.

Vampiro vs. Kidman

The announcers spend the entrances talking about how Kidman has moved up from the Cruiserweight division, which is a nice sentiment but I’m not sure how accurate it really is given that he’s fighting Vampiro in a midcard match. Feeling out process to start with Kidman grabbing a headlock (a non-cruiserweight headlock of course) but Vampiro punches him in the head, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him out to the floor.

Back in and Vampiro scores with a dropkick as the fans are eerily silent. A quick shot of Torrie helps a bit and Kidman counters a powerbomb (duh), only to have his knee dropkicked out from under him. Torrie gets knocked off the apron so Kidman snaps Vampiro’s neck across the top to go check on her. Madden does his best Jerry Lawler impression but it comes off as far more creepy stalker than loveable dirty old man like Lawler. Vampiro slams Kidman in and gets two off a snap suplex.

A Fameasser (called the Dropper according to Tenay) gets two more as Madden makes up a bit for being creepy by saying this could be a US Title match in a year and a World Title match in two years. Kidman’s top rope hurricanrana (which he used to win the first match) gets two but Vampiro blows my mind by doing the unthinkable: he powerbombs Kidman……TWICE!!! Since the announcers don’t get one of Kidman’s biggest deal, they treat this as nothing special.

In a very quick ending, Kidman goes up top for a sunset bomb but turns around into a kind of super reverse DDT for the pin. It looked really awkward and Vampiro is slow to get up. It’s not quite Big Al being dropped onto the concrete from above the top rope, but that was a totally non-cruiserweight pulling Vampiro down in a reverse DDT. That has to hurt.

Rating: C-. Pretty uninspired stuff here but at least they only took seven matches to get something to go six minutes. This was treated like a big feud but it never came off as anything more than taking two guys with talent and throwing them together because the company had nothing better to do with them. Somehow I’m sure they’ll be blamed for the crowd not caring after an hour of really dull stuff.

Funk promises to win the death match with Dustin Rhodes in his corner.

Sid tells security to get away from his door.

David Flair, Daffney and Crowbar have fun with the stretcher.

We recap the Tag Team Title match, which is over Vito’s sister’s wedding being broken up by the crazy people. Therefore, tonight is an Italian stretcher match for the Mamalukes’ titles in the third match between these teams.

The Mamalukes don’t accept their family being hurt by anyone. It’s so bad that Johnny doesn’t want a cheese sandwich.

Tag Team Titles: Crowbar/David Flair vs. Mamalukes

Mamalukes are defending and this is suddenly a Sicilian stretcher match. Both members of a team have to be taken up the aisle on stretchers to end this. The brawl starts on the floor, as you would expect, with Disco getting in on commentary as you would also expect. Naturally we look at him as Tony says this is a shoot to him. This is one place where I would prefer WWE’s current way too tough commentary restrictions. If any of those words were spoken on Raw, Vince would probably come out and beat Cole senseless live on TV.

The champions run down the crazy guys with a stretcher, which Daffney finds hilarious. They head inside instead of trying to take them the other way on the stretcher because this company’s wrestlers aren’t that bright. Daffney comes in for a hurricanrana on Johnny, which seems to just annoy him. A lead pipe to the back (so lead that it bends as it hits Johnny) puts Johnny down again and the champs are in trouble. The fans are trying to get into this but it’s really not lasting. My hearing isn’t lasting either after Daffney screeches into the camera.

Crowbar hits a Lionsault onto Vito and it’s time to break up the stretcher. Tony does his “I can’t believe we’re watching this” voice and Vito powerbombs Crowbar through the table. Apparently Disco has been poked in the eye and can’t tell what is happening to who. Johnny jumps from the mat to the top rope ala Shelton Benjamin for a spinning legdrop (with an acceptable pause for balance).

David is taped onto the stretcher and the referees wheel it to the back because……I don’t care why because this is closer to being over. Crowbar dives onto both Mamalukes as the fans are just silent here. Daffney rings the bell to confuse things even more, which somehow takes two minutes for the announcers to figure out. Vito splashes Crowbar through a table on the floor and puts he and Daffney (Madden: “The screams are usually a sign she’s enjoying herself.”) on the stretcher to finally end this.

Rating: D. There are multiple problems here, but the biggest problem is who was in the match. Flair and Crowbar are a freakshow team and the Mamalukes are just ok. That’s the problem with them: they’re just so average that there’s nothing interesting to say about them. The other problem here is we’ve covered this already. The Mamalukes have beaten Flair and Crowbar three times now and there’s nothing left to say with this feud. Unfortunately, who else is there for them to feud with? 3 Count? The Harris Twins? That’s about as good as the division has at this point, which goes back to my request: HIRE NEW PEOPLE!

With the Mamalukes’ music still playing, Jarrett and the Twins leave their locker room. This was a fifteen second segment and changed nothing.

Sid promises to prove that he’s the World Champion because he deserves to be.

Here’s Ernest Miller for the big talking segment, which for some reason is about ERNEST MILLER. He dances to the ring and rips on the fans for being rednecks who didn’t believe he could get James Brown. “You didn’t believe me and James Brown were like two neckbones in a pot!” After some more insults, here’s a James Brown impersonator so bad that Rick Bognar is off somewhere shaking his head.

Cue the Maestro and Symphony because this is really happening on pay per view. Maestro sounds like he’s trying to use an accent but can’t decide what country it’s supposed to be from. Miller isn’t going to do anything Maestro says and there goes James’ sunglasses, revealing that it’s not the real one.

Cue a bunch of dancers, leading down the real James Brown with another entourage. The Maestro’s reaction (jaw hanging open and then fainting) is awesome but this just keeps going to destroy any good feelings. Miller and Brown dance and I think this is a face turn. I know I want to cheer for someone who was calling the fans stupid rednecks when this started but hey, he brought out a singer to dance with him.

The announcers act like this is awesome as it just continues. Brown gives Miller his cape for a passing of the torch or whatever but they have to pose on the apron before this is finally done. Total time between Miller’s music starting and cutting to ANYTHING else: 12:06, or longer than any match so far.

Hall talks about how he can go and the James Brown music is playing over his promo.

We recap Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk, which started with Funk saying he’s a bigger legend and that Flair is jealous. David Flair got beaten up but Ric wouldn’t help him, causing Arn Anderson to walk away from Ric. This is somehow a sequel to their famous feud in 1989 because there was no one young and talented for either guy to put over.

Flair says he’s awesome and drops a lot of catchphrases.

If you buy this show, you get a teddy bear! I could use a teddy bear to hold and rock back and forth as I scream into the darkness if the rest of the show is as bad as the first two hours.

Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk

Death match, meaning last man standing but you have to get a fall before the ten count starts. Dustin Rhodes is sitting in a chair to cheer Funk on as the guys slug it out in the corner. Flair rolls outside and the stalling begins but Funk quickly suplexes him back inside. There’s the spinning toehold but Flair punches his way out of it. They fight outside with Funk hitting another suplex as this is already in slow motion.

Ric is up first, only to take another suplex, drawing some very inappropriate language. He must have been watching that Tank Abbott mess earlier. Either way, the second suplex is good for a pin but Flair is up at five. To be fair it was just a suplex. Back up and Flair goes after the knees with some kicks and chair shots as Madden tries to play this off as a dramatic silence.

The Figure Four in the ring makes Funk give up quickly for a strategy play and is up before the count even gets close. Flair gets slammed off the top and piledriven on the floor but Funk would rather take back the floor mats than cover. They slug it out again because a piledriver on the floor only keeps you down for about ten seconds these days. Another piledriver on the mats gets a pin but Flair is up at about seven.

It’s table time but Funk has something to say first. He offers Ric the chance to quit and the response earns Flair a mic to the head. Normally that would be a heel move but I don’t think they have any idea who is a face or heel here so it’s acceptable. Funk puts Flair on the table as we cut to Dustin to remind us that he’s here. A really good looking piledriver through the table in the ring knocks Ric silly for…..two, as Terry pulls Ric up before the pin. Funk loads up another table and then covers (huh?) before hammering away at the head. Ric gets up and throws Funk through the table for the pin and the ten count to win.

Rating: C+. Good brawl here but the match was basically in slow motion throughout and the ending was lame. Dustin added nothing to this match and I still have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for. Also, Flair gets piledriven through a table and is on his feet less than two minutes later? Really? Still though, these two are going to have a good match through pure greatness and that’s how they pulled this one off.

Hulk Hogan, straight out of 1994, says the arm is just the break he’s been looking for. They had been teasing a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid coming into the show and there’s no sign of it. Of course. Hulk is willing to snap and crackle Liz if necessary.

Hulk Hogan vs. Total Package

Hogan has a broken arm coming in. Buffer’s entrance: “LET’S BRING EM ON!” Luger jumps him (Hogan, not Buffer) as he hits the ring but Hulk goes to the eyes, which is considered a Hollywood move. The rapid (work with me here) elbows (all two of them) set up some choking and Luger is thrown to the floor for the t-shirt rip. Hogan’s back being to the camera for the big shirt rip clearly shows that he doesn’t know how to work. Hogan slugs away on the floor but comes back inside to eat an elbow to the jaw. Oh yeah this is just going to be a punch and kick match.

Luger takes him back outside for some whips into the barricade but a cast shot to the face staggers Package. Ten rams each into two buckles set up a big right hand as the fans aren’t thrilled with Hogan’s schtick. A Liz distraction lets Luger get in more forearms to the back but Hogan sends him into the barricade again. Hart steals a ball bat from Liz, a suplex is no sold, Luger hits him low, Hart and Hogan both use their casts and the legdrop finishes Lex.

Rating: D. Remember a little while ago when Flair and Funk took a pretty lame match and made it work through pure charisma? Well apparently that only works if you have both guys trying as Hogan was his normal self but Luger was just walking through this match and doing even less than usual. You can’t even have Hulk no sell the steel forearm? The best we can get is a suplex? Worthless match but Hogan’s formula worked so long for a reason.

Post match Flair comes in to go after Hogan’s leg but Sting, with new makeup, returns for the big save. This segment could have easily taken place in 1995 and no one would have noticed the difference.

Hall comes out of his dressing room and sends the security away.

Sid does the same. These segments felt like the build to a commercial.

We recap the World Title match which is Sid defending against two guys feuding over the NWO shenanigans. That stable needs to die (again) already.

The door has been opened and apparently it wasn’t Sting inside. Thankfully they say Sting came from elsewhere in the arena to close a loophole. Unfortunately they leave open the “there was a cameraman on the door so HOW DO WE NOT KNOW WHO WAS INSIDE” loophole.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett

Sid is defending and this is one fall to a finish with No DQ. Jarrett is introduced as a five time World Champion combined (what does that even mean?) but not the US Champion. That’s awful even by WCW standards. Hall and Jarrett start fighting before Sid comes to the ring and we’ve got less than nine minutes to go in the show. Points to Buffer for still doing Sid’s entrance while Jarrett is running from Hall.

The champ gets double teamed as Hall and Jarrett’s feud is dropped for fear of Sid. That goes nowhere as the Twins interfere to give Jeff control. Jarrett stomps on both guys and Hall doesn’t even let him put on the sleeper before reversing it. The referee is decked maybe three minutes into this, which really shouldn’t mean much given that this is No DQ.

A double chokeslam (with Jeff jumping before Sid even had time to think about moving his arm. I know Sid is Sid, but Jarrett is better than that) gets two from new referee Nick Patrick and Ron gives Jarrett the belt. Sid gets knocked out and Hall grabs some rollups for two each on Jeff, who knocks the second referee out. Sid throws Jeff into a chair, allowing a third referee to count two for Hall. Sid fights the Twins but Jeff pokes the referee in the eye and gives him a Stroke. Come on just get to the finish.

Jarrett beats up the fourth referee before he can do anything and here’s crooked referee Slick Johnson. The Outsider’s Edge plants Jeff but Johnson has a sudden shoulder injury. I’m counting that as a ref bump. The guitar lays out Jarrett and here’s…..oh sweet goodness Roddy Piper is here in a referee’s shirt. He stops Johnson’s count at two, pokes Jarrett in the eye, and watches Sid plant Jeff with a chokeslam. Sid powerbombs Hall to retain with Piper counting, which is the last time we’ll see Hall in a WCW match.

Rating: F. This is another match where if you need an explanation, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. The match ran seven minutes, meaning we had a ref bump about every 100 seconds. On top of that, why does WCW insist on putting Roddy Piper on TV so often? It’s like Undertaker returning over and over: it works for awhile, and then there’s enough of them to make a full on DVD.

Overall Rating: F-. This show is one of the worst kind you can have: it didn’t need to exist and then on top of that it was horrible. What on here couldn’t have been done on TV? Even Flair vs. Funk, the longest match of the night by far at just under sixteen minutes, felt like a TV main event. There are matches on here that feel like they could be TV openers, which is nowhere near enough to make me want to pay to see this show. If the biggest things to happen on a show are a tournament final for the lowest title in the company and ANOTHER Roddy Piper return, there is no need for a show to exist, especially one this horrible.

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