November to Remember 1995
Date: November 18, 1995
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,150
Commentator: Joey Styles

 

People whose opinions I respect have told me that this is the greatest ECW show of all time. With that information in mind I figured I had to take a look at it at least once. This is the last ECW show I’m going to do for a good while because I’m more or less out of ones I can do. The main event is a tag match with Raven/Cactus Jack facing Dreamer/Funk. Other than that it’s a big bunch of stuff but from what I understand it’s the whole package rather than a single match that makes this great. Let’s get to it.

 

Keep in mind that this is more or less ECW’s Wrestlemania.

 

Joey gives us a quick rundown of the card. This is the home video version so that makes some more sense this time.

 

Broad Street Bully vs. Don E. Allen

 

Bubba Ray Dudley is guest ring announcer for no apparent reason. The Dudleys hadn’t united yet so this is when it’s still the goofy stable. Bubba is in overalls and a top hat with a white jacket. D-Von would come in soon and get rid of Chubby, Dances With and Dudley (all with the last name Dudley) to make himself and Bubba the killers that they’re known as. They’re faces here though or at least Bubba is.

 

Bubba has a really bad stutter so him managing to get the title of the show out is considered remarkable. Actually scratch that as he’s gotten rid of the stutter….and there it is again before he can infringe on copyrighted material such as “let’s get ready to rumble.” Hearing Joey have sympathy Bubba is just weird. Big Dick gets mad at him so Bubba says screw this and beats up Allen. HUGE powerbomb puts him down so the Bully tries to jump Bubba. Bubba hammers him down and powerbombs him also, then pins him for no apparent reason. By the way the regular ring announcer is Joel Gertner.

 

Heyman comes out and calls for the lights to be dimmed. They come back on and SABU is back. Huge ovation for him and a bigger one for when he shakes hands with Heyman. He had been in WCW for a cup of coffee and that went nowhere so here he is back where the people love him.

 

Jason Knight vs. Konnan

 

Joey does the ring announcing for this for some reason. Knight is more famous as the Jason that hangs out with Justin Credible a few years after this. Yes he actually was a wrestler for awhile. Konnan is billed from AAA in Mexico. I need to do When Worlds Collide someday. Konnan is still masked here. The guest referee is Taz, who is still not healed from his neck injury so he can’t wrestle tonight.

 

He had been Tazmaniac for his entire run up to that point so this was a repackaging for him. Taz says tells you he can’t wrestle due to the doctors and ECW not clearing him to wrestle. Jason cuts him off and we see why Jason rarely talked. Taz says Jason has Konnan to deal with so Taz says ring the bell, decks Jason and lets Konnan hit a crucifix bomb to end this in like 10 seconds. Taz will be back later.

 

El Puerto Ricano vs. Stevie Richards

 

Richards is a goofy putz (Joey’s words) here and is Raven’s (top heel here) lackey. Richards gets a gift from the unnamed Blue Meanie who comes over the guardrail with a shirt that says Blue Meanie. The gift is a Flock of Seagulls half shirt. The non Clueless Putz (never did anything of note) jumps Richards and we’re off.

 

Ricano hits a missile dropkick and dives on Meanie to take care of him. He goes up too many times though and Richards slams him down to take over. Flock of Seagulls dude hits a powerbomb and the other guy (you type Ricano over and over again) is in trouble. He gets draped over the top and takes another Stevie Bomb. Blue Meanie comes in and misses a moonsault. Richards hits a superkick to end this. More or less just a squash.

 

Eliminators vs. Pitbulls

 

I haven’t seen a lot of the Pitbulls but they were very popular and pretty successful in ECW so this could be worth seeing. Francine in leather isn’t a bad thing to see as she manages them so this should be good. Oh and Jason manages the Eliminators. It’s weird to see Saturn with hair. The Pitbulls are known as #1 and #2. #1 has hair. Got it. He and Saturn start us off and the Pitbull (Gary Wolfe. #2 is Anthony Durante) shrugs off most of Saturn’s offense.

 

He tosses Perry into the corner and slams him. The idea of the Pitbulls were they were more or less Rhyno in leather and more athletic. Blind tag brings in Durante who gets a top rope elbow for two. Off to the other Eliminator John Kronus to face #2. Big power match here as Kronus hits a release Dragon suplex to take over. The Eliminators, the more athletic team, speeds things up a lot to take over.

 

An assisted moonsault takes out Durante but an elbow clearly misses. Thankfully Joey covers and says he moved, otherwise it would have looked awful. The fans are behind the Pitbulls as Kronus picks #2 up off a belly to back suplex. Kronus gets caught between the Pitbulls but Durante misses a splash in the corner and crashes to the floor. He’s bleeding from the elbow now.

 

Kronus is a lot fatter than I remember him being. Saturn comes in with that sweet high elbow drop of his (OH YEAH from Joey) but it only gets two. Saturn hits a corner rana which also gets two somehow. The Eliminators are a pretty new team so this is kind of their showcase match. Saturn tries to set up something on the ropes but a superbomb by Durante gets no cover.

 

Everything breaks down and Jason hits a legdrop on #2 to keep him down. Double tag brings in Kronus and Wolfe who cleans house. Double clothesline takes the Eliminators down and it’s a big brawl. Wolfe totally misses a spinwheel kick in the corner but Kronus sells it anyway. Double superbomb out of the corner ends Kronus and we’re done.

 

Rating: B-. This was a rather fun match. The botches make it a bit amateurish looking but at the same time this wasn’t exactly Gagne vs. Thesz out there. They would feud forever with the Pitbulls eventually losing their edge. Pretty good match though and the fans were into it the whole way (duh) so I can’t complain much here at all.

 

Post match Jason jumps Francine and tries to kiss her (Joey: “HE LIKES WOMEN!”) and as the Pitbulls go for the save the Eliminators beat them down and hit Total Elimination on both guys.

 

Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

This is a Mexican Death Match, meaning more or less last man standing but you need a pin before the count begins. This was a long running feud and I think this is the blowoff match. The fans chant Rudo at Psicosis. Rey of course gets a Tecnico chant and comes out to what sounds like Sad But True by Metallica. Yep that’s what it is. Not what I think of when I think of Rey. The big match intros are done in both languages.

 

This is when Rey was still like the fastest guys in the world and Psicosis is able to keep up with him so I’m not even going to try to call play by play on this. Even Joey can barely do it and he could double as an auctioneer. Rey gets a quick pin off a top rope rana but Psicosis is just mad and not really hurt. Out to the floor we go and Rey falls when trying to jump onto the railing. That clip is on the Rise and Fall of ECW I believe.

 

Back in the ring a missile dropkick puts Rey down and a moonsault gets a pin. The count is unimportant at this point because we’re only like three minutes into this. Rey gets draped across the buckle as this is one sided at the moment. How weird is it to see Psicosis as the far bigger and stronger guy? Powerbomb gets the pin but Rey is up 1. They’re counting backwards so he barely beat the count.

 

Psicosis goes to get a chair but changes his mind and is booed out of the building. A buckle bomb keeps Rey down. Twisting senton (flip into a backsplash) gets another pin but that’s fine because Rey is up at 1 again. Dropkick puts him right back down and the fans are literally standing. Now it’s chair time and Rey takes a DDT onto it. He beats on Rey then puts the chair on Rey’s back for a moonsault to get his fourth pin in a row.

 

Rey barely beats the count so Psicosis goes for the possibly injured knee (from the botch earlier) which is rather smart strategy. Psicosis tries a moonsault but Rey pulls the chair into the way and takes over. Springboard clothesline sends Psicosis to the floor. High cross body and we’re in the crowd for a second. HUGE moonsault (Asai hadn’t been named yet I don’t think) and Rey takes over with some chair shots.

 

Psicosis tries to run into the crowd and you can’t see them but Rey brings them back and they’re at ringside again. Never mind as we’re going back into the fans. Psicosis is more or less running as Rey is on fire. They’re right below Joey (who is in what’s called The Eagle’s Nest) so Rey hits him with a chair, climbs up the Eagle’s Nest and dives off with a HUGE hurricanrana and Psicosis is dead and we’re done.

 

Rating: B. Pretty awesome stuff here as Rey played possum after the beating and then woke up to massacre Psicosis and become just too much for him. Rey was only 20 at this point so he was a total rookie phenom. Total war here and the psychology actually existed. Rey would be in WCW in about 7 months.

 

Jason comes out to talk to Rey and offers to manage him. Rey says no so Jason threatens him. Take a guess how that goes. The Eliminators come out to destroy Rey but 911 (more or less the security guard who is about 7’0 and 400lbs) comes in for the save and easily dominates the Eliminators. Rey gets on his shoulders and the fans seem pleased.

 

Tag Titles: 2 Cold Scorpio/Sandman vs. Public Enemy

 

Woman manages Scorpio and Sandman who are champions (along with Scorpio being TV Champion) and come out to Whomp There It Is. Whoever gets the fall here faces Mikey Whipwreck later in the show for the world title. Woman is kind of hot actually. She could look rather good at times. Scorpio dances a lot while we’re waiting on the Public Enemy to get here.

 

I have no idea what the face/heel alignment is here but I think Public Enemy is face. According to Gertner the TV Title is on the line here also. Yeah apparently Sandman and Scorpio are the heels here. Sandman is billed from…..Utah? Seriously? Scorpio is doing a thing where he says he doesn’t weigh as much as he really does. He does have a gut on him.

 

Public Enemy is leaving soon after this for ECW apparently. Scorpio offers them a chance to leave so let’s have a dance off. Uh…..ok? Scorpio cuts a rug and Joey dances too. The camera catches him and his reaction is great. Rocco does a robot which isn’t horrible. Scorpio does one also and destroys him. And now we set dancing back about a thousand years with Sandman dancing too. Joey: “Yes but can he walk a straight line?” They want Woman to dance and it’s very short. Crowd is WAY into this.

 

The champs jump the dancing morons but Public Enemy clears the ring quickly. AND IT’S TIME TO DANCE! The music is still playing as I think we have a comedy match on our hands. Just a hunch mind you. Ok so now we’re ready to go with Sandman vs. Grunge. Sandy grabs a headlock but is sent to the floor. Everything breaks down quickly and they all head to the floor.

 

Everyone grabs a chair and gets back in the ring for a good old fashioned duel. Sandman and Grunge are thrown to the floor and Scorpio follows. They fight up the aisle and a fan offers 2 Cold a frying pan. He steals someone’s prosthetic hand instead. Well why not? Sandman goes into the crowd and Grunge is busted open. He hits a splash for two on Scorpio as we’re bordering on having a regular match.

 

Rocco hits Sandman with a pumpkin pie and Sandy is in the crowd again. Woman pulls Sandman out of the crowd. Sandman tags himself in and he jumps over the top (!!!) with something like a dropkick. Rocco comes in and hits a headscissors to take over. Slingshot legdrop by Sandman but he doesn’t cover.

 

Off to Scorpio who hits a slingshot splash for two. Scorpio vs. Rock at the moment if you’re all lost. Rock avoids a dropkick and escapes a tilt-a-whirl, only to miss a moonsault. The fans chant for SD Jones for some reason as Scorpio hits a double underhook powerbomb which is broken up at two.

 

Standing moonsault eats knees and it’s off to Sandman. Rocco (they’re Rocco Rock and Johnny Grunge if you’re totally confused by me changing named) still can’t bring in Grunge so Grunge comes in and pounds on Sandman. Woman cracks Rocco with a kendo stick and Sandman dives over the top to take out Grunge. Sandman gets backdropped onto a table which doesn’t break. FREAKING OW MAN.

 

Grunge finally goes through the table and everything breaks down even further. Rock hits a big moonsault to the floor as they need to end this soon. A broom handle is brought in from somewhere with Scorpio taking over with it. There it goes though so 2 Cold settles for a Stinger Splash and moonsault for two on Rocco. We’re tagging again now and Grunge gets the hot tag. Sandman comes in sans tag but Public Enemy screws up their finisher and Sandman falls on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. Yeah this went too long. These guys aren’t the ones you want having seventeen minutes. This was better as a comedy match but then again I might have just wanted to see Woman dance. Either way, not much here and Sandman getting the pin was pretty much the only logical choice since he lost the title to Mikey in the first place.

 

Sandman is out but Scorpio pours beer down his throat. And it’s time to dance again. SCORPIO DROPS THE BEER! Sandman catches it and the look on his face is priceless.

 

On the actual card Axl Rotten beat JT Smith here but it was a dark match.

 

We recap Commissioner Tod Gordon vs. Fonzie, a referee. Shane Douglas lost the world title to Sandman and said he wanted a better referee in the form of Fonzie who would call matches right down the line. This of course made him by far and away the biggest heel in the company almost by default (not kidding).

 

Fonzie punched Gordon when Gordon yelled at him so 911 gave Fonzie one of the biggest chokeslams you’ll ever see (LONG story there but it was some of the most brilliant storytelling you’ll ever see. In short the move was banned but Fonzie had to unban it so someone could use it. 911 immediately hit the ring to kill Fonzie with it and blow the roof off the place). Fonzie also got in a fight with Beaulah who is the referee tonight.

 

Bill Alphonso vs. Tod Gordon

 

Beaulah is referee and I really want to know what Dreamer did in a past life to get her. He must have invented beer or something. Remember neither of them are wrestlers so this is only going to be so good. Gordon jumps him and they fight by Sign Guy and Hat Guy. Beulah slaps Gordon so he clotheslines her. Tod (Commissioner) Gordon (HOLY NON WRESTLER BATMAN!) comes in and Joey is losing it.

 

Tod takes him down and says let’s fight. Not sure why he needed to grab a mic to say that but whatever. Gordon takes off his jacket and wins a slugout. This isn’t a match for the most part but they’re trying. Fonzie gets a low blow and says he’s going to beat Gordon up. Joey: “It’s not over yet you rat faced excuse for a human being!” And remember: this is because Fonzie is a GOOD referee.

 

Fonzie takes the time to talk to the camera and Gordon gets a WICKED cooking sheet shot to the head. After he gets hit, Fonzie starts jabbing himself in the head and what do you know he’s bleeding from there. Gordon is shockingly passable here. Gordon finds a frying pan but Fonzie gets it, only to take a low blow. Joey is absolutely losing it over this. Frying pan to the head but Beaulah is still down from like five minutes ago.

 

And now for the important part of the night. Taz runs out to be referee since he was earlier in the night and counts two for Gordon, only to stop and deck Gordon then put Fonzie on top for the pin. To say Taz is instantly hated is like saying Cena was hated against Punk at MITB.

 

Rating: A+. Ok now keep something in mind here: this is a legit businessman vs. a referee. All things considered, THIS WAS AWESOME. They were beating the tar out of each other and it had the fans going nuts, even by ECW standards. Not a thing wrong here and the whole thing worked. Considering who was out there, great stuff.

 

Taz wants to talk. This is probably the most important part of the entire show. The fans chant for Sabu and Taz says he’s not coming out. Taz talks about how he got no cards, no letters or phone call. When Dreamer hurt his fingers everyone cried and freaked. Same with Funk. When Sabu got his neck broken, everyone was worried about him. What about Taz?

 

Fonzie shouts into the camera that Taz is his guy. Taz says screw the fans and screw Heyman. Heyman said take your time to get back. Quote: “Screw you Heyman. My father ain’t some fat Jew lawyer that pays my way through life.” Taz says Fonzie cares about him and wants to put food on his table and money in his pocket. Gordon is still out cold on the mat. Taz says since no one cares about the two of them, they don’t care about the fans.

 

Taz stops for a bit and Joey talks about how stunned he is to see Taz finally sell out. Fans are trying to rush the ring. Taz lays on his back and says bring it. This whole thing was Taz’s epic heel turn which would result in him beating basically everyone on the roster for the next year, almost always in a squash while he begged Sabu to come out and fight him. That wouldn’t happen for a year and a half, resulting in one of the main events at their first PPV, Barely Legal. Mad heat on him here and a great heel turn.

 

ECW World Title: Sandman vs. Mikey Whipwreck

 

Sandman is making his entrance (through the entrance) but is jumped by some guy with long blonde hair who is making his in ring debut tonight, taking Sandman’s place to challenge for the title.

 

ECW World Title: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Steve Austin

 

Yes, THAT Steve Austin. He had cut some promos but this is his first of I think two matches in ECW before he signed with WWF. He drinks Sandman’s beer while Sandman is taken out. There was a line at some point in ECW (not this show) where Joey asked if you could imagine Steve Austin drinking beer and flipping people off on Monday Night Raw. Not really connected here but Sandman takes awhile to get taken out.

 

The idea behind Whipwreck is that he won the title on a fluke after being a total jobber for years. Austin says his debut is the thing to remember. He’s sounding like Stone Cold here rather than Stunning Steve so this is where he really got his start, at least with that character. Austin says that for tonight, Whipwreck is Eric Bischoff to him. Joey: “KILL HIM! Wait I didn’t mean that!”

 

Steve jumps him to start and the beating begins. Mikey has had no offense at all as Austin mauls him. He beats on him on the floor then in the ring and back on the floor again. Mark this date down: THE ECW ARENA IS CHANTING HOGAN. It’s to tick Austin off but it happened! Just because he’s Austin, he hits a big boot and drops a leg for two.

 

Mikey has had no offense at all. He reverses a whip on the floor though and Austin doesn’t seem to mind. Mikey hammers away but walks into a Stun Gun (Austin’s finisher at the time) but it only gets two. Mikey grabs a sunset flip out of nowhere (complete with the tights coming down) for the SHOCK pin to retain.

 

Rating: C. You can barely call this a match but it did what it was supposed to do. Whipwreck keeps the title (for some reason) but Austin losing is the important part. It resulted in him losing his mind and being all crazy, which apparently was what caught WWF’s eye and got him his job, which ultimately saved Vince’s company.

 

Hack Meyers vs. Sabu

 

Meyers is more or less just a biker. You know this might have been a better surprise if he hadn’t come out earlier. Sabu works on the knee of all things to start and messes up a snapmare (Meyers landed on him). Time for a chinlock. FEEL THE EXTREME! It’s chair time and a slingshot dive in with the chair gets two. We go to an armbar and the fans are calling it boring.

 

Springboard leg lariat gets two and we hit the chinlock again. Meyers makes a comeback and hits a powerslam for two. A weird facebuster off the top which is Hack’s finisher gets two. They go to the floor quickly but Sabu drops a leg for two. Meyers wins a slugout but Sabu goes onto Meyers’ shoulders and gets a DDT to take him down. Spinning leg lariat puts Meyers outside and Sabu hits a diving rana to the floor.

 

After a bit more brawling on the floor we go back in but Sabu dives into a powerbomb. Release suplex put Sabu down but Meyers goes up and gets caught in a victory roll off the top for two. This is going WAY too long for a big return over a glorified jobber. Meyers goes up but gets dropped on a chair. Sabu hits a rana to put them on the floor AGAIN. Sabu sets up a table and dives over the top through it, half killing Meyers. That only gets two in the ring so Sabu slams him and the Atomic Arabian Facebuster (flipping double legdrop with a chair in between) ends this FINALLY.

 

Rating: D. See, when a superstar like Sabu returns, it should be total dominance. This mostly was, but the fact that it took so long made Sabu look kind of weak. Not his worst stuff, but at the same time it just went way too long at about 13:00. Heyman would manage Sabu for awhile until we got to his match with Taz.

 

Sabu acknowledges Meyers for his efforts.

 

Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Cactus Jack

 

Main event time. Funk is “planning on retiring”. That’s just amusing. Funk says he’ll remember what happened with Cactus last night forever. Apparently it was a big attack on Terry but Dreamer made the save. This is a revenge match for Funk and Dreamer always hates Raven Cactus is in a WCW Dungeon of Doom t-shirt. He was in a WEIRD (yet awesome) heel push where he longed to be back in WCW with “Uncle Eric”.

 

The pairings pair off and Raven and Jack rule the ring for the moment. Now we get to the brawl and Funk fights Raven. Stevie Richards brings in some weapons and gets put in a shopping cart for his troubles. Dreamer BLASTS Raven in the head with a freaking VCR. WHY WOULD YOU BRING ONE OF THOSE TO A WRESTLING SHOW??? In a funny bit, Dreamer hits him with the remote also.

 

Funk beats up the referee because he’s Terry Funk. Dreamer DDTs the referee for good measure. Funk hits Raven with a golf club in the putter. Cheese grater is broken up and Cactus drills Dreamer with a chair. Dreamer gets taken down by a double chain shot to the throat. Raven is busted open and poses anyway. Cactus channels his inner Abdullah as he jabs at Funk with a fork.

 

DDT to Dreamer as Raven and Cactus are dominating. They try the chain again but Dreamer does something smart and dives on it, bringing them together. Not that it matters as Cactus takes him down with ease. Cactus takes the Dungeon of Doom shirt to reveal another one with a huge picture of Eric Bischoff and the words “Forgive Me Uncle Eric” (coining that nickname) on the back. Only Mick Foley could make that work, period.

 

It’s more or less a big mess but were you really expecting something else here? Jack hits a double arm DDT on Funk onto the chair but there’s no referee. Raven dives over the top to take out Dreamer and Jack looks for more weapons. Here are Fonzie and Taz to be referees but Funk kicks out at two. Taz beats up Funk so Dreamer takes Taz out. Jumping DDT takes Raven down and for some reason a regular one does more damage. The referee is back up and Dreamer piledrives Raven onto a chair, letting Funk steal the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match overall as they kept things just weapons based instead of going everywhere. Also Jack having the continuing mental breakdowns in the middle of the match (the Uncle Eric thing) is great. Dreamer not beating Funk is one of those little things that makes a match better. Fun stuff here and one of the better brawls ECW did.

 

Cactus beats them down a bit but gets taken down too. DREAMER SUPERKICKS RICHARDS! Ok so it was in the ribs but still! Raven leaves Dreamer laying to end the show.

 

Overall Rating: B+. I can see why people would call this ECW’s best show ever. It likely is and it’s very good for the most part. Keeping in mind that this was 1995 and WCW was running stuff with monster trucks and mummies while WWF had King Mabel as top heel, this was a very different kind of show. They did their thing and let guys like Foley and Austin do their things, knowing what they had to work with. Very fun show but some of the stuff is a bit odd. Granted it wouldn’t have been for ECW fans so that takes some of it away I guess. Worth seeing though.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Anarchy Rulz 1999
Date: September 19, 1999
Location: Odeum Expo Center, Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

And so it dies here. No not the company as they held onto life, if you want to call it that, for about another 16 months after this. Taz leaves here though, as WWF came with a huge sum of money about three weeks after ECW debuted on TNN. The Dudleys already left about two weeks earlier. Word has gotten out that Taz is leaving too, so don’t expect him to be incredibly over tonight. Other than that, there isn’t much on the card. Storm vs. Lynn should be fun though. Let’s get to it.

We see Masato Tanaka showing up. He’s the number one contender. I’m not sure but I think that was Dave Prazak doing the interview. Awesome’s manager shows up and doesn’t like Tanaka. He gets smacked.

Cyrus and Joey do the intro you would expect before we throw it to the theme song.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

We start with this? Really? I guess part of anarchy is that we’re getting rid of the best match right off the bat for some reason. Dawn Marie’s dress is almost not even there. These are two of my favorites from ECW so I’ll be pleased with this more than likely. Jerry’s ribs are messed up because the Impact Players beat him up about a week before.

Lance Storm having his own personal chick is rather amusing. Crowd is pretty one sided to say the least. We have a nice technical piece to start. Did you expect anything else? The fans applaud which is always a good sign. ECW fans were fair if nothing else. I’ve always liked Joey’s mentioning of the referees. They work extremely hard and rarely get the credit that they deserve. Storm’s chops kind of suck.

There’s a bad delay right before it connects and it makes them look really weak. The fans get bored with the match and would like to see something from Dawn. Cyrus gets a nice line in by saying that Storm is a step ahead of Gene Kiniski who was billed as Canada’s Greatest Athlete: he’s CALGARY’S Greatest Athlete. That’s a great line and could be solid for a heel in a territorial promotion.

The referee yells at someone at ringside for a LONG time with his eyes totally away from the action. Nice one guys. Jerry hits a nice plancha from the top rope to the floor and down goes Storm. Having Cyrus as an analyst is a GREAT help. Joey is fun to listen to but there is simply too much to have one guy do. That’s not a knock on Styles. It’s too much for anyone. Having an analyst in there takes a ton of pressure off of Joey and it’s helping a lot.

Cradle piledriver is blocked. Again, can someone explain the difference to me? SWEET pinfall reversal sequence that goes on for nearly a minute straight. That’s VERY impressive and literally gets a standing ovation from the crowd. They go wide to show it and they well should. Amazing stuff as I knew it would be. Cyrus points out that he used to be a wrestler which is something that needs to be done more often.

TNA has been doing it more often lately as they point out that Taz used to be a wrestler. He’s been retired what, 9 years or so? A LOT of fans likely haven’t seen him wrestle. How long has it been for King? Point out to the fans that he actually has experience. Jerry is a former world champion as is Taz. Let the fans know that once in awhile. There’s a chair wedged in the corner that hasn’t been doing anything yet.

Lynn is thrown into the corner but slides to avoid the steel macguffin. He slams his ribs into the post though and Storm goes after it like a Hart-trained wrestler attempting to use basic psychology. Lynn hits a Stunner out of nowhere to get us back to even. I love when wrestlers just bust out random moves.

It makes no sense that so many guys only use their signature stuff. Use whatever comes to mind, at least in kayfabe terms. Storm hits a knee to the ribs and hooks a ¾ nelson of all things for the clean pin? That came out of NOWHERE. It’s fine to end it that way as it looked solid, but DANG was that random.

Rating: A-. I loved this and yes it’s biased. Even still though, this was very solid stuff. See what happens with simple psychology and good wrestling? It works very well indeed and you get a great match that I was way into. This worked and to be fair it’s probably because they’re two of my favorites in ECW.

Joey and Cyrus argue about “the office.”

Simon Diamond is here. He used to sleep with Dawn Marie so he’s awesome. He talks in the 3rd person but has none of Rock’s talent so there you go. He is looking for a partner and asks for Tom Marquez who graduated from the House of Hardcore. And that’s not good enough because Simon didn’t say it. There is no man here to fight Simon. And cue Jazz. Apparently he’s looking for a partner. Which is why he asked for someone to fight. Got it.

She’s a face at this point and is in no way shape or form a Chyna rip-off. Nope, not at all is she, the woman that looks tough and is overly muscular and fighting men a rip-off of Chyna. Not at all. Diamond runs his mouth off and yells at Marquez, the timekeeper tonight, to fight Jazz. Sure why not.

Jazz vs. Tom Marquez

Jazz gets beaten up for awhile and then hits a mat slam for a long two but a guy named Tony DeVito pulls the referee out. Yeah this wasn’t a match. 45 seconds at most.

Chris Chetti and Nova run out for the save and apparently THIS is a tag match now.

Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Tony DeVito/Simon Diamond

Apparently Nova is the most ripped off wrestler in the world as whatever he invents is on Monday night the next week. While that’s true to an extent, I’ll let it go and let Mr. Joey Pot and Cyrus Kettle, call this match. Wow that Jazz is BLACK. WOW that joke sucked. Anyway, you get the idea I think. DeVito goes for a Rock Bottom and botches the living tar out of it. And after about two minutes Danny Doring and Roadkill along with that redhead chick named Angelica run out for the DQ. Yes it’s Lita.

Rating: N/A. Two minutes of just boring stuff.

They hit Jazz with the Hart Attack. A ton of jobbers come out to stop Roadkill and it’s just a massive brawl. And now we get the point to all this: it’s New Jack. Oh why does he have to come back? I’m sure you know my thoughts on New Jack by now. One of the jobbers in there is the semi-famous Big Vito.

Staple gun to the head of some guy. And we do it again. Make it three times. I hate New Jack. I truly do. Nova and Chetti seem to like him though. Ok to be fair, the crowd is going nuts over this.

Tour ad.

Cyrus and Joey argue some more.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

During the entrances, Joey says he’s more or less high on laryngitis medications. Ok then. Tajiri is in his traditional look now. Crowd seems to favor Crazy the best. They point out the three distinct styles here which is a nice touch. Well this is better than another combination them going one on one again I guess. Oh and Big Sal is now the Big Salbowski. Give me a break.

Yes I get that it’s an intentional parody, but if this was the other way around, ECW would be FREAKING over WWF taking another idea from them. When ECW does it, it’s a parody though. Yeah that’s annoying. The chant of Where’s My Pizza starts up. WOW those get annoying. It’s your basic spotfest to start: stupid but fun. Guido hooks a camel clutch on Crazy and Tajiri kicks the tar out of him. They set for it again and Tajiri kicks the heck out of Guido. Nice one.

Tajiri hits a picture perfect moonsault to the floor to take out both guys. It was of the Asai breed in case you were curious. Guido hits a second rope Fameasser which looked good. Not sure why but it did. Crazy one ups Tajiri by hitting a top rope Asai moonsault and lands ON HIS FEET. That was awesome looking. In a SICK spot, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip on Crazy but it’s blocked. Tajiri pulls himself back up, spins crazy around and hooks the Tarantula.

Guido throws in a great double foot to the face. That was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. Guido gets the Sicilian Crab at the same time Crazy gets a camel clutch. Tajiri was totally off the ground. Ton of sick spots in this match. That baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe is always great. Crazy follows that up with a moonsault to put Guido out.

It’s elimination rules in case you didn’t get that so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy. The ten punch count being in Spanish is always a nice touch. The handspring elbow hits for Tajiri. We get a Super Loco chant. When they get creative like that I can live with them. Tajiri blocks the triple moonsault and just goes off on Crazy. A SICK brainbuster ends it.

Rating: B-. This is an odd match. The spots were great and I liked them a lot, but I just could not get into the match as a whole if that makes sense. I think it’s because this has been done so many times now that there’s just no real reason to care about this match. It was fun, but there’s just nothing of substance to it. Nice spot fest though.

We throw it to Steve Corino who says they were going to bring in the Insane Clown Posse to fight Raven and Dreamer tonight. And they’re not here. Corino was the manager apparently and brought them in. Instead Raven and Dreamer get Rhino and Corino. Ok then.

Billy Corgin is here.

They rant about WCW or something or other for awhile.

Justin Credible vs. Sabu

Does anyone else find it stupid that ECW says Sabu is genocidal? That’s just a bit of overkill. Sabu was banned for no apparent reason. Justin has a restraining order. Sacre bleu. What a waste of my time. Yes I quoted Smart Guy of all things. The referee says it’s a legal document, but there is no law tonight since Anarchy Rulz. Justin drills the announcer for saying it and the lights go out. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the Impact Players got him banned for being too violent. Fonzie gets a table for Sabu. Justin gets a Russian leg sweep on the ramp which looked good. I’d expect that’s the only wrestling move for awhile. Sabu goes through a table for some reason. Did anyone care about Credible? I don’t really think so. We get a vague Kliq reference which Justin was a part of in the back.

Sabu hits a big spot and Joey calls it indescribable just before he, say it with me, DESCRIBES IT. A bunch of overblown table spots follow. I don’t care either. So since Justin is having his head handed to him, I’m more or less counting down the time until the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY comeback that gives Justin the win. Cyrus finds Fonzie annoying. That’s very amusing. Justin is bleeding fairly badly.

A kendo stick shot gets two but Sabu has his foot on the ropes. Ok, so legally binding documents aren’t legal, but the ropes are. Got it. That’s Incredible gets two. Fonzie slides in a chair but it hits Sabu in the head. Nice one. BAD looking tombstone (That’s Incredible) on the chair ends it.

Rating: D-. The only word that came to my mind here was meh. I just totally did not care here for a few reasons. One, it’s Justin Credible. Two, you bring Sabu back to have him job? What sense does that make? The match was so sloppy and just bad. Didn’t like this at all, mainly due to the idiotic booking as Heyman continues to insist that Justin is some ring god.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did.

That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this. Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz. Yeah this was a total secret right? Awesome hits a sweet Tope (Taker Dive) to the floor to take Tanaka down. This is your standard solid match with these two. Naturally chairs and tables are brought into play but you have to expect that in ECW. Tanaka hits a Tornado DDT on a chair for two.

And Tanaka gets powerbombed over the top to the floor through a table. Top rope splash follows that for two. Ok then. Tanaka no sells three LOUD chair shots and this Diamond Dust which is an awesome move. It’s table time again with Awesome in control again. Awesome hits a top rope powerbomb for the pin. Yeah that works but a chair shot to the head from the top doesn’t? Taz hands him the belt after the match. The roster says goodbye to Taz as no one cares about Axl Rotten. The fans loving Taz now is kind of stupid. Taz tells them to chant for Awesome. Nice touch there.

Rating: B. Usual good stuff here from these two, but at times the no selling gets annoying as all goodness. Still though, this was a shock to some people and it was a nice touch throwing Awesome in there as people knew Taz was losing, so here we didn’t know who was leaving with the belt. This was good.

Raven is hanging out by a swing and runs down the majority of the feud between him and Dreamer. The “It’s Tommy’s” line gets me every time. And no, I’m not running down that whole feud. The thing was excellent though. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at the moment. Raven says he let Dreamer beat him that night. This is the Raven that everyone loved and he was awesome. He quotes Keyser Soze. How awesome is that?

Gertner comes out to interrupt the announcer and the crowd pops. And here are Francine and Dreamer. Man in the Box is always awesome so I can’t complain. To get it over with, the Dudleys were leaving and Dreamer stood up to them. Raven ran in to be his partner and they won the tag titles. They hate each other though and Dreamer is hurt badly so Raven is making him wrestle until he’s crippled.

Simple in a way I guess. Dreamer says he won’t be cutting a babyface promo. And cue the babyface promo. He’s going to wrestle no matter what the doctors say. And here’s Corino so I’d bet we’re getting a tag title match. Ok never mind as it’s a singles match with Rhino. Pay no attention to the fact that they said there would be a tag title match later tonight with these three and Raven which is inevitable. Yeah I’m not even counting this as a match because Raven is just killing time before he gets here. They’re just wasting time and HERE’S Raven.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino/Rhino

Jack Victory, the sidekick of Corino and Rhino comes in to help and a double DDT ends this about 12 seconds after Raven gets there.

Rating: N/A. Can someone tell me when the match ended and when it started?

Mancow, some annoying DJ that had TWO WCW PPV matches comes out with some fat guys since we have a ton of time left. They do nothing other than high five Raven and leave. WOW.

Ad for November to Remember.

So with 35 minutes left in the tape there’s just RVD to go.

Axl Rotten comes out to talk. Seriously, why does this guy keep getting on PPV? He wants the shot at Awesome. Please come murder him. Instead it’s the Impact Players and a British guy named Johnny Smith. Apparently Smith vs. RVD is the main event. Rotten says the people are cheering for the women and not the talent.

Insert your Becca joke here. Balls Mahoney and Spike come in for the save and Dawn gets hit with an Acid Drop. Smith takes a BIG chair shot and leaves. So Balls gets the title shot instead. Oh dear.

ECW TV Title: Balls Mahoney vs. Rob Van Dam

And we have half an hour to go and this is the main event. Oh DANG this could be painful. So we have Lynn who is obsessed with beating Van Dam and we get….Balls Mahoney vs. RVD. And people wonder why this company died. So Van Dam walks around for a few minutes to kill time. Wouldn’t a five minute match be a better use of time?

Oh that’s right: that army of jobbers had to be beaten up by New Jack instead of having a quick match. So with 25 minutes to go, NO ONE buys Mahoney having a prayer here. Seriously, they’re just blatantly wasting time now. I can’t get over Balls Mahoney main eventing a PPV. Seriously, no one cares about this match at all. All I’m doing is watching the clock on the player to wait until this is over.

Are those punches Balls throws supposed to be impressive or something? Van Dam hits a nice dive from the top into the crowd. And that ends anything interesting in this match. Seriously, the rest is more or less nothing but punches, kicks, chair shots and Balls doing moves he botches. This got TWENTY MINUTES.

Yeah I skipped a lot of the details here, but other than managing to kill an ECW crowd in a town like Chicago, this is the least interesting main event I can ever remember. Just terrible. A video package of the show fills in the final three minutes of the show.

Rating: F. Balls Mahoney main evented a PPV. That should be a meme somewhere for EPIC FAIL.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t completely terrible. There are some good matches here, but good night the stuff that sucked was sucking hard. The opener and world title match were both very solid but the rest is completely forgettable. The three way cruiserweight match was fine for what it was but it’s been done WAY too much for me to care again. Not completely terrible, but nothing worth seeing. Storm and Lynn and the title match are good though.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Hardcore Heaven 1997
Date: August 17, 1997
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 1,950
Commentator: Joey Styles

So unlike in the major companies, we’ve had 4 months since the last PPV. Since then, Raven is gone and Dreamer is either the top face or the second biggest face in the company. He’s facing Jerry Lawler tonight in a match that’s more or less based off a mini invasion that the WWF was doing.

Other than that we’ve got a rematch from the Night the Line Was Crossed as it’s a three way dance with Funk, Douglas and Sabu, the current champion, having beaten Funk for the title from Funk about a week before. Why they bothered with that is beyond me but then again it’s ECW so there we are. Other than that, it’s a random assortment of matches that I’m sure aren’t likely to be explained, which isn’t Joey’s fault per se. Let’s get to it.

We of course start in the ring with Joey and the lighting is AWFUL. I mean you can barely see the crowd other than the first maybe 10 rows. What’s that they’re chanting? I can’t quite make it out. This should be interesting as they’re out of their comfort zone in New England. He runs down the card, which makes little sense as anyone that’s bought the show already likely knows the card already, but then again what do I know?

Only Funk gets anything close to a pop when mentioned. Lawler gets MAD heat. Joey is about to talk about Dreamer when he’s cut off by the music of Rick Rude. He clearly says son of a female dog when it starts. Rude sold out apparently. OH I remember this. It’s the time where he showed up on Raw and ECW and soon on Nitro as he jumped from WWF and appeared on both shows in one night as Raw was taped.

He had been on Hardcore TV the night before, so in 24 hours he appeared on all three shows. That’s pretty freaking cool. Rude had recently helped WWF guys beat ECW guys at Heatwave so no one likes him at all. Rude introduces Candido for the TV Title match. Yeah that was really useful Rick.

TV Title: Chris Candido vs. Taz

Something tells me I know the ending this already. Todd Gordon, the ECW Commissioner comes down and says Rude has to leave because he’s not a licensed manager. So let me get this straight. You can throw people through burning tables. You can have your arm split open and tape it back together. You can get tied together in barbed wire. You can have a lesbian angle on nationally syndicated television. All of that’s ok.

However, if you want to stand by the ring and cheer someone on, you need to have permission. I love making fun of wrestling. We go to the intro with the theme song, which I’ve never gotten why they do this after the show actually starts. It’s just very odd. We get a wide shot of the arena and you can’t see ANYTHING. Apparently this is a main event. Well ok then. The big match introductions never get old if nothing else. I have to give Taz this: he was perfect at what he did.

It’s so odd to see him being goofy like he is now and then here see him be more or less a killing machine. We get a nice TAZ IS GONNA KILL YOU chant. I thought TNA and ROH were supposed to be an alternative. They stole stuff from ECW too apparently so there we are. They mention Taz is 29 here.

That’s just weird to hear for some reason. He seems older than that but the same age now if that makes sense. They do a great mat wrestling sequence and submission exchange that I’m into. You can see the shadows on the mat. That’s just pitiful. An issue I have with referees in ECW: SLOW DOWN THE COUNTS. Watch an ECW match and they count as fast as they possibly can. It’s insane.

Candido works the neck which makes sense here if nothing else as this is where Taz broke his neck a few years ago. That’s rather smart and some nice continuity which you hardly ever get from the big two today. We hit the floor for a bit but the only weapons use would be a few slams into the railing which I’d hardly classify as weapons use. I like that.

A nice looking diving headbutt gets two as Candido is in control here. He sends Taz into the corner to set up the top rope powerbomb which was his finisher at this time. I like the set up for it also as he whips him in and Taz stays there. That’s not entirely contrived.

Actually yeah it is as any wrestler usually lands back first there and why would Taz do it differently, knowing what Candido finishes with? Eh, either way he counters with a nice suplex (shocking). After Taz goes suplex insane, he sits on the second rope with Candido in control somehow, but as Chris poses, the champ gives the throat slit and locks on the Tazmission for the tap out.

Rating: A-. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! If this was what ECW was like most of the time, I’d be a huge fan. This was hard hitting, fast paced, exciting stuff. Above all else though: THEY WRESTLED. This wasn’t about weapons and chairs and insanity. This was about two guys out there using their own talents and abilities to get something good doing and it worked to perfection. It would have been a higher grade with fewer powerbombs and more time, but still this was great.

Joey plugs their next PPV, and says you should come see it live, as a lot of the time stuff happens before they go on the air. Like tonight for example, the Insane Clown Posse showed up to perform, but the then heel RVD and Sabu showed up and beat the tar out of them. I always liked Van Dam.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Spike Dudley

This is a revenge match apparently. Spike is a bit different than the one that you see most of the time, as he’s Little Spike Dudley. He sees “colors” and wears tie dye. I think you get the joke. He was made into the Giant Killer after beating Bigelow on TV a week prior to this. The 80s explode here as Bigelow comes out to Welcome to the Jungle and Spike comes out to Highway to Hell.

Either way they’re both great bands and songs so there we are. Bigelow really was a big coup for ECW as he was a freaking machine that was quite good when he was on his game. He was the guy that threw Spike into the crowd and they body surfed him around the arena in one of ECW’s signature moments. After a splash maybe a minute into the match, Bigelow does a little dance which amuses me.

The fans keep chanting over here, as in where they want him to throw Spike. I have to give the fans this: they are very loyal. After hitting some decent little offense (like anything he could do is big) Spike takes one of the best powerbombs I’ve ever seen. That looked AWESOME.

In another great spot, Spike is thrown from the ring into about the 3rd row. That’s just impressive. This is a flat out crushing. It’s beyond a squash. Another great looking piledriver leads to the moonsault for the academic pin. That ring is really small. Spike bled a lot in there.

Rating: N/A. It was a really long squash. What can I give it as a legit grade? There were some painful looking spots in there and Bigelow looked awesome so all is right I guess.

We go back to the thing from before the show with the ICP where we see Sandman who was injured by RVD and Sabu and couldn’t wrestle. He beat on them a bit and then they beat him down. That’s traditional ECW if I’ve ever heard of it. I have no idea if the fans can see this as they have no video screens that I know of.

Rob Van Dam vs. Al Snow

This is Monday Night Rules, meaning it’s a traditional wrestling match. Snow wasn’t quite over yet though as he was little more than a former tag jobber as far as the mainstream goes. He would find Head soon enough though, which would be more than enough to get him over, which is putting it mildly. He gets almost no reaction here though.

RVD is one of the top heels here as he had been showing up on Raw and calling himself Mr. Monday Night. He was using what would become known as Starship Pain as his finisher there for no apparent reason. He gets mild heat as he’s just so popular for his in ring ability. Snow gets some boos but more or less it’s indifference. Head was the best thing that ever happened to him.

This starts off fast like the other match did and I’m perfectly fine with that. Joey makes an unintended joke as he points out that there are no mats. That’s true, but only WCW, the company they wanted to be completely different from, did that as a national company. They go to the floor and stay there longer in the Monday Night Rules match than they did in the traditiona ECW rules match.

That makes perfect sense right? Still though, that’s fine as they keep it between themselves with the only weapons being used being the guard rail. Like I said, I’d hardly even call that a weapon. Snow puts Van Dam against the apron on the floor and walks up the entry way before getting a running start for a clothesline. Ok, that’s fine.

What’s not fine is Joey asking if we saw that. NO YOU DIPSTICK WE DIDN’T BECAUSE THE CAMERA WAS ON VAN DAM. Will you think for like two seconds please? Back in the ring, Snow gets taken down and actually kicks out of the Frog Splash. That’s very surprising and gets a just barely over minimal reaction. We hit the floor and break out our first chair of the show, in a match under Monday Night Rules.

I love these absurd rules and the like. Snow does another of the long runs for a clothesline but gets a chair pelted into his face, in clear view of the referee, who does nothing but keep the ten count going. We go back into the ring now after some more chair stuff where RVD gets two. The chair stuff was minimal, but at least it made a bit more sense. We get a LOUD Van Dam chant just before the Van Daminator gets the pin.

Rating: B. This was good, although not as good as the first match. The Monday Night Rules thing was just stupid and pointless but whatever. I’m ok with the chair here because the focus of the match was still on the wrestling and in ring action which is the most important part of the show. Both of these guys would get far bigger over the next year or so, but this was pretty solid stuff, at least in theory.

In a WEIRD segment, we go to the EXTREME CHOPPER in the sky, following the Sandman’s ambulance. Ok, let me make sure have this straight. BEFORE the show started, so at least an hour ago, Sandman was put into an ambulance and taken away.

He has since taken over the ambulance and is now driving around the city, trying to find the War Memorial. It should be noted that apparently this is news worth following, despite him not wrestling tonight. Also, WHEN DID ECW GET A HELICOPTER??? I think it might actually be legit, but my guess is it’s somehow faked. Whatever.

We get a promo from Lawler, who says he was talking to Vince who says that this is a bad day in his career for having to go and do this himself. He says he’s not here alone. Apparently Taker is cheering him on. For some reason I don’t buy that. Apparently Bret Hart is cheering for him. That doesn’t sound right either. Finally, Austin apparently wants to be there too. All of them want him to use their finishers, which strikes me as very odd but whatever.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Gangstas

The Dudleys get no intro again. They’re joined by Big Dick Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley, Joel Gertner, and Jenna Jameson. Joel talks about how tonight….wait a minute. JENNA FREAKING JAMESON??? HOW DID THEY GET HER??? That makes little sense but whatever as she looks epic. Joey knows her before anyone introduces her. That’s not going to go over well at all methinks (stolen from X).

Anyway, Joel does the really long intro, including a great line of “One fall, fifteen minute time limit, your referee in charge is bald.” That’s a lot better than it sounds. Jenna looks like she’s having fun, which is far more than Pam Anderson could do. The Gangstas aren’t here tonight apparently, so the Dudleys win by forfeit. Instead we get this.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. PG-13

The challengers are more commonly known as the white guys from the Nation of Domination. They were like 15 time tag champion in Memphis so whatever. They’re white rappers with the same amount of talent for wrestling that Vanilla Ice had at rapping. They’ve been talking all of ten seconds and I already hate them. They’re naturally the heels since they’re from Lawler’s company.

The one that talks is trying to be Jerry Lawler and it’s just failing all around. Oh and everyone wants to screw Jenna, and who can blame them? They must want to die from the clap or something like that. So after 8 minutes of intros we start with D-Von against Wolfie D. I wonder if he’s related to Desmond Wolf. You can shoot me at the end of the review. His partner is named JC Ice.

That sums them up as well as anything I can say. We get our first sexual assault on Jenna as JC hits the floor to kiss her. Ok correction: PG-13 aren’t bad. They’re just REALLY annoying. I really want to just smack the tar out of both of them 2 minutes into the match.

In an amusing spot, Bubba has one of the white guys in his evil clutches but as he’s handing him to D-Von for some cheating, JC reverses it to give Bubba’s arm to D-Von, who keeps ramming it over his shoulder while all of his managers try to get his attention. Once he finally gets the point he’s slammed the arm down about 9 times, drawing him a massive YOU F’D UP chant.

Actually, the Dudleys are the heels here, which is a tribute to their heel drawing abilities. The Dudleys are FAR bigger than the other guys. It’s really funny looking. Jenna looks incredible. Every time she jumps there’s a huge pop. They pick up the pace a lot and it turns into a free for all, which is how most tag matches in any company end so no problems there.

PG13 is something like the Briscos if you’re an ROH fan, just minus the flair and the gimmick. 3D on Wolfe and that’s it. That came out of nowhere. The announcer says still 3 time tag team champions, which they could have been if they had lost.

Rating: C+. This was slightly better than your average tag match which means it wasn’t that bad. It’s about ten minutes long and is a run of the mill power vs. high flying match, meaning that it’s decent enough. It’s no classic, but I’ve seen far worse matches. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

Sandman is still trying to get back to the arena and this is still news, despite not having a match tonight. The Chopper is still looking for him. Apparently he stopped and got a carton of cigarettes and a beer. This is pointless. They have a spotlight on him but the guy in the chopper says he can’t see him.

Jerry Lawler vs. Tommy Dreamer

Lawler plugs Ground Zero, which was an ok show at best and crap at worst. He more or less says the same thing that he said in his promo, which to be fair the live crowd hasn’t heard. Styles says he won’t be impartial. Well at least he won’t pretend to be like Ross does. BeulahL is freaking gorgeous.

After pinning Raven, Dreamer is now more or less one of the top faces in the company right there with Taz. They start off fast with weapons and that’s fine here. This is supposed to be about showing Lawler what ECW is about and that’s what they’re doing here. Jerry is bleeding 10 seconds in.

Fans keep giving Dreamer weapons which is an old standard for the company, especially him. They’re in the crowd and the lighting is so bad you can’t tell who is who other than the outline of a beard. Jerry has had no offense at all. It’s chair time but as he tries to come in off the top rope, Lawler manages to crotch him. It’s a good thing this wasn’t in Philly Lawler would be dead by now.

Styles is being really calm actually which impresses me. In a spot I like, Lawler just holds the chair up and rams Dreamer’s head into it. And there goes the impartiality. Lawler chokes Dreamer. A lot. A whole lot. Oh there’s a piledriver and Dreamer becomes the first person to ever kick out of it!* (Note*: that means the first person in Ft. Lauderdale named Tommy wearing an ECW shirt in August of 97.)

He rips Dreamer’s shirt off and wipes himself with it which makes him jobber up. His chest looks like Hogan’s if nothing else. Dreamer poses which allows for a low blow to switch the momentum again. We have our ref bump of the match to really make it a big time match. Lawler adds a DDT to him for no apparent reason. Dreamer is about to crotch Lawler on the post and the lights go out.

They come back on and Rude blasts Dreamer with a trash can to bust him open. Why did they have to go out for that to happen? That only gets two as Lawler kicks the referee again. Dreamer sets for a piledriver and we lose the lights again. They come back on to reveal Jake Roberts for no apparent reason.

He hits a clothesline on Dreamer who convulses like Terry Funk for no apparent reason. He adds a DDT to Dreamer as Lawler has no idea why he’s there. Neither do I but whatever. Jake says his God giveth but he doesn’t have the balls to do anything else.

Now Roberts hits a clothesline on Lawler who lands on Dreamer for two. Roberts walks out as I wonder who is handling security tonight since Roberts just walked in and out at his own will. Dreamer sets for his own DDT and FOR THE LOVE OF GOODNESS SHOOT THE GUY THAT’S RUNNING THE LIGHTS!!!

Sunny is there this time and sprays hairspray in Dreamer’s eyes. Beulah, who hasn’t done anything this whole match and I had forgotten about her, starts a catfight. Lawler tries to use her for a human shield so she kicks him low to allow Tommy to hit the DDT for the pin. Not overbooked at ALL.

Rating: D+. Before I go into this, let it be known: this is for the wrestling and action itself and not the symbolism or importance of anything here. That being said, this wasn’t that good at all. It was mainly just random weapons and ball shots that led to nothing. Also the three run ins were just overkill.

Rude I get and Sunny would have been ok, but you could have killed it off there. Roberts made no sense at all though. See, earlier in the show when Rude was there for the introduction, that justified his run in here. Since he was there earlier, it validated him being there at the end because it was known he was in the arena to support Candido.

For Roberts and Sunny, they had no business in the arena and it made no sense for them to be there. If Roberts had cut a quick promo or something, it would have been way better. Anyway, this was what it was supposed to be: Lawler getting beaten up by Dream, which was what happened. I didn’t like it that much, but I’m sure ECW fans did and that was the point.

Styles gives up the intro for the three way dance as he talks about how this is a big rematch from three and a half years ago. Heyman does the same thing in a video package.

Sandman finds the arena. This isn’t going to go well is it?

World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Remember this is elimination rules. So we have a guy that I have never seen have a good match aside from with weapons and even then he’s so spotty. Funk is old and crazy and still ok but not great. Finally you have Shane who is about as overrated as a wrestler not named Elijah can be.

Funk is at least smart and stays on the floor to start which really is intelligent. The other match should have been the main event. It really should have been as it was the focus of the show. Joey talks about how this is a changing of the guard. That’s why it’s a rematch of three and a half years ago right? This is a pretty decent triple threat but nothing great.

To be fair though, I hate three way matches so that makes no difference. They go at it for about twenty minutes which includes weapons since Sabu can’t last longer than 10 without them. Of course we get the triple sleeper which just looks stupid but whatever.

Anyway, Sandman finally gets here despite arriving at the building about 30 minutes ago and nails Sabu with a ladder so both others can pin him. We get a big brawl as they fight to the back which means they’ll fight at November to Remember. The fans are way behind Funk now, even though there was zero point at all to having Sabu get the belt a week before this match.

The locker room comes out to watch this “epic showdown.” Either way, after another bit including a kickout of the belly to belly (HOW COULD FUNK DO THAT???) a low blow and rollup gives Douglas the title again because that’s how things roll in ECW.

After the match ends, the Dudleys and Joel come out to say that Douglas should join them and become the Triple Crown instead of the Triple Threat. Bigelow and Candido come out to challenge them leading to a massive brawl to end the show. That was rather pointless but whatever.

Rating: C+. Again, I don’t like these kinds of matches which has a lot to do with the grade here. The timing here of about 25 minutes was FAR better than the original’s hour which I like. I still don’t get the point of having Sabu take the title 8 days earlier but whatever. The match was what it was which was a bunch of spots but there was some flow going out there which made it work. Not bad, but it’s not my cup of tea.

Overall Rating: B-. OH MY GOODNESS this was a huge turnaround from last time. For one thing, it felt like a PPV. Ok so having 2000 people there made the show feel minor league, but this felt like a big time show. I don’t like the match order especially at the end, but the big thing here: they toned down the weapons.

That balance is what makes this much more bearable for me as instead of having just random violence everything had a nice flow to it. Also, stories were addressed instead of just a bunch of random matches. This could have been better, but it was good for what it was.

This felt like a major show instead of a celebration of them getting on PPV, so that makes this a better show in my eyes than Barely Legal. Check it out if you have two and a half hours to kill I guess, especially the opener as that was a lot of good stuff. It goes downhill after that, but not a ton.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

This is something that isn’t a problem for some but is for others.What do Tazz, Jerry Lawler and JBL all have in common?

Among other things, they’re all commentators who used to be world champion.  Why do we rarely hear about this?  JBL is the only one to hold a world title or even be a full time wrestler in the last ten years and we barely ever hear about his accomplishments.  How many fans do you think know Jerry Lawler was world champion in the AWA?  Most young fans probably just know him as some old guy who won’t shut up.  Mention that he’s a former world champion and that he beat a Hall of Famer in Curt Hennig to win the belt, or that he’s held over 100 titles in his career.  It would make people care more.  The same is true for Taz as he’s basically a younger and louder Lawler.

Cyberslam 1999
Date: April 3, 1999
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,200
Commentator: Joey Styles

 

It’s another internet convention show which is really just a glorified house show. The main event is a six man steel cage match called Ultimate Jeopardy which is more or less ECW’s version of WarGames. It’s hard to describe until we get there but it’s a different idea to be sure. Other than that there isn’t much because this isn’t a particularly huge show. Let’s get to it.

 

The intro (a much faster version of it) hits within the first minute. That’s a bit of an improvement over it hitting after an hour last year.

 

Jerry Lynn vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri

 

Tajiri is a face here and just some new young guy. Not quite the Japanese Buzzsaw yet. Lynn is rapidly shooting up the ranks and is either about to feud with RVD or already has started. They hit the mat very quickly but neither can get any advantage so it’s a standoff. Jerry grabs a leg lock and Tajiri can’t roll through it. He escapes though and shifts to a hold of his own, in this case a bow and arrow.

 

It’s another standoff as the fans cheer. Lynn grabs an inverted Gory Special but the Japanese guy escapes the Mexican hold by the American and they speed things up again. Lynn sends him to the floor and nails a decent dive off the top. Back inside and Tajiri puts on an Octopus Hold and then the Tarantula. Nice back and forth stuff so far here.

 

There’s the handspring elbow and they go outside again. Lynn gets suplexed over the railing and Tajiri busts out a picture perfect Asai Moonsault to take Lynn out again. Back in and the future Buzzsaw gets caught in an inverted DDT for two. Tajiri fires off a kick and Lynn is all like BRING IT ON and so Tajiri kicks him in the chest and Lynn is all like ME FALL DOWN NOW.

 

Lynn gets a dropkick into the corner and fires off some overhand chops to take over. Tajiri escapes something out of the corner and fires off chops of his own. Lynn goes into the Tree of Woe for the baseball slide for two. They go to the corner where Lynn comes out with a running powerbomb for two. Tajiri dropkicks the knee and La Majistral gets two. And never mind as Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver for the quick pin. Ending came totally out of nowhere.

 

Rating: B. This was a nice back and forth match to make the whole thing look good. Apparently Lynn was debuting the piledriver here. Very fun match although the lack of selling got old fast. Still though, the ECW fans will let you know when there’s a good match going on and this was one of those occasions. For once they were right.

 

Here are Lance Storm and the too hot to be human Dawn Marie. Storm is in WCW Monday Night Jericho shirt. This was during the time where Jericho was being totally wasted in WCW and used in pointless comedy matches and never moving up the card at all. Storm says this is about Tommy Dreamer, not Jericho. Dreamer has been claiming that Storm is on the gas (steroids).

 

The fans chant HAPPY BIRTHDAY, totally missing the point of the segment. Storm says that he gets his integrity from training in the Dungeon in Calgary, not from a vial. Storm says he’s the best build professional athlete this side of a negative drug test. Dawn pulls out a bottle of Storm’s urine. Ok then. He wants Dreamer to provide a sample of his own. If you don’t know where this segment ends, you have no right to be reading this.

 

Dreamer comes out and Joey is mad at him for it. Cyrus comes out and distracts Dreamer and Storm jumps him. Dreamer fights back and manages to get a DDT to take Storm out. And of course the urine winds up on Storm’s unconscious face. Well this was totally pointless.

 

Rod Price vs. Nova

 

Nova is more famous as Simon Dean. Price is a big muscle guy that looks about 55 years old. Price gets taken down quickly but takes over with basic power. Snap suplex puts Nova down and Price hammers away for awhile. Nova goes to the middle rope and hits a clothesline but can’t get much going overall.

 

Skull Von Crush (Big Vito), who is Price’s partner, comes out to hammer on Nova a bit as well. Nova’s partner Chris Chetti comes out for the save and it’s a double brawl. Nova hits a baseball slide to Price and then the good guys fire off a pair of dives. The Tidal Wave (splash/top rope legdrop off the same corner) pins Price. Big mess but I like the Tidal Wave so this was fine.

 

Price and Crush fight post match with Price beating him down. Scratch that as Crush gets a DDT to leave Price laying.

 

El Mosco vs. Super Crazy

 

A handful (and I mean like 4 people) might know Mosco as X-Fly from Los Perros Del Mal and AAA in Mexico. Both guys are really young here and Mosco is in a mask. Mosco sends Crazy to the floor and teases a dive but stays in the ring instead. They go into one of those cool looking yet very choreographed lucha libre sequences that takes like 40 seconds to go through and results in exchanged armdrags and a standoff.

 

Mosco misses a dropkick in the corner so of course the fans have to tell him he messed up. Crazy goes to the floor and Mosco dives on him in a not that great looking move. Crazy makes up for it by busting out the Crazy Special , which is a big springboard moonsault to Mosco who is in the first row. Back in a middle rope moonsault gets two. Another gets the same count.

 

Crazy fires off ten punches in the corner. Mosco is now Crazy’s archnemesis despite this being his ECW/American debut. Slingshot hilo by Mosco to the floor and both guys are down. Rana off the top gets two. Makes sense as it was a bit sloppy. Crazy goes to the floor again and launches Mosco into the crowd again. There’s another moonsault to put Mosco down in the crowd one more time.

 

Back in the ring and Mosco throws on some kind of arm trap neck hold which is hard to describe. And we’ve lost Joey. Both guys get victory rolls for two and they speed things up for a few seconds, only for Mosco to get a clothesline to take Crazy down. Mosco hits some kind of spinning 450 for two. Mosco slams crazy off the top but misses a moonsault. Powerbomb gets two for Crazy. He wastes time though and gets caught in a sunset flip off the top. Crazy takes him down again and a frog splash ends this.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty much just random lucha libre here but it was entertaining enough. I don’t know much of X-Fly but he’s getting a huge push in Mexico at the moment so there must be something to him. Crazy would get a bigger role about a year later, becoming TV Champion which he would lose to Rhyno.

 

Taka Michinoku vs. Papa Chulo

 

Chulo is more famous as Essa Rios. The fans chant welcome back to Taka. This goes very fast right from the beginning with Taka sending Chulo to the floor and hitting a big dive to take him down. Back in and a seated dropkick hits Chulo. Modified half crab goes on and it’s time for chops. Chulo does one of those Sin Cara style moves that looks great but the spins and flips really add nothing to the wrist drag.

 

Chulo goes up and misses a 450. He manages to crotch Taka though and a rana gets two. Taka grabs a tornado DDT for two with the kneeling cover. Chulo backdrops him to the floor but his dive gets broken up. Taka jumps into a dropkick but the Mexican can’t hit the Japanese with a German. A second tornado DDT is blocked and Papi hits a missile dropkick to send Taka to the floor for a big somersault dive to the floor.

 

The fans have switched sides over to Papi now. If he has Lita with him I’d be behind him too. Suplex back in doesn’t work but Taka can’t suplex him back out either. Taka is crotched again but manages a springboard missile dropkick to the back of the head. Michinoku Driver doesn’t work and neither does a moonsault. Chulo tries a powerbomb which is reversed into a powerbomb by Taka. He sets for a reverse suplex but drops him down into the Driver for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Not much here and after the previous match this was a little repetitive. Chulo would get a lot more famous with that fire redhead he picked up in the WWF. Pretty much a nothing match though as it only was there for a few minutes. Taka would be back in the WWF soon enough.

 

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

 

Should be good. RVD is also a tag champion here. A big anti-Vince chant starts up and we’re ready to go. They shake hands and we have no Joey again. Standoff to start and Van Dam does his pointing thing. They start with some technical stuff and RVD has a slight advantage early on. Just feeling each other out here. Quick spinning leg drop by Rob is the first real offensive move of the match but it doesn’t do anything.

 

The fans chant that Scorpio has lost weight. Is there anything they won’t cheer for? Hey there’s Joey again. Rob takes him down again and stops to pose. Scorpio gets a butterfly suplex to take over. RVD gets all mad for some reason and pounds away on Scorpio, beating him down in the corner. Both try spin kicks but only Rob’s hits. Scorpio takes over again and signals for the 450.

 

It’s way too early for that though so he picks Van Dam up and DDTs him instead. Double springboard moonsault gets two. NICE superkick sends Van Dam down. Modified Jackhammer gets two. Scorpio chops away and Van Dam tries a spin kick. It totally misses and thankfully Scorpio doesn’t move. Out to the floor and Rob hits a huge dive into the crowd. The man can jump with the best of them.

 

Back in a slingshot legdrop gets two for the champ. There’s Rolling Thunder for two. Does Fonzie ever shut up? Rob tries one of his flips into the corner but he gets caught in a German. Somersault legdrop gets two for Scorpio. Something similar to Shock Treatment sets up a top rope splash for two. Back to the floor we go and it’s table time. What appeared to be a bicycle kick puts Van Dam down and Scorpio puts him on the table.

 

It’s bridged between the ring and the railing as I’m sure you’ve seen before. Van Dam avoids the dive but Scorpio puts the brakes on. Clothesline puts RVD down and 2 Cold grabs a chair. Back inside now and the fans aren’t thrilled with Rob protecting himself from the chair shot. Scorpio puts the chair on RVD’s face and drops a top rope leg on it from the top.

 

Here’s Sabu, the partner of Van Dam. He jumps Scorpio and puts him on the table. They hate each other so a double jump Air Sabu puts Scorpio through the table. Fonzie is all ticked off at his client (Sabu) for risking injury like that. Oh please there wasn’t even any fire involved. This is mild for Sabu. Back in the ring they speed it up a bit and Scorpio gets a powerbomb for tow. Fonzie shoves Scorpio off the top and there’s the Van Daminator. Five Star ends this.

 

Rating: B. I liked this one quite a bit. Scorpio is one of the better guys in the ring and this was no exception to that. Van Dam was rather good at this point and it showed here. He and Lynn were in the middle of their feud at this point but I liked this better than most of their matches. Solid match where they kept the violence down and it didn’t get distracting, which is a huge perk.

 

They shake hands post match.

 

ECW World Title: Chris Candido vs. Taz

 

These two fought countless times in title matches so at least they know each other really well. Candido has Sunny in a bikini and a see-thru robe on. I can work with this. Also he has some unrecognizable guy you may have heard of named Steve Corino. He’s so young here it’s unreal. Candido says he’s never tapped out to anything and he’s not doing it here to Taz. Candido offers to make it falls count anywhere and Taz accepts.

 

Candido chops away and gets punched for his troubles. Out to the floor they go and Taz is in the crowd. Big dive into what might have been a clothesline takes Taz down and they go back to ringside. Uh scratch that as they’re in the crowd again. They brawl around for a bit with Taz mainly in control. Dang it as soon as I write that Candido takes over again. That gets really annoying.

 

They’re in the crowd for the third time in about five minutes. They fight past the fans into what looks like a merchandise stand. Thankfully the camera switches so you can see. Tazplex gets two. It’s very helpful that this is falls count anywhere because it keeps these parts from being pointless padding. Candido drops an elbow for two. They head back to the ring to a welcome back chant.

 

Delayed vertical suplex gets no cover for Chris. Diving headbutt gets a delayed cover for two. The fans want to see Sunny’s chest and I can’t blame them. She and Francine need to just flash the crowd and get it over with. Wheelbarrow suplex by Taz puts Candido down but Candido gets something resembling a slingshot belly to back suplex for two. Taz gets a big sitout powerbomb but can’t cover.

 

There’s a release Tazplex and the champion is in control again. And of course as soon as I say that a thumb to the eye sets up a Candido powerbomb for no cover again. Candido sets for the Blonde Bombshell (top rope powerbomb) but Taz counters into a head and arms super Tazplex. Candido pops up and grabs a chain which he blasts Taz with for two.

 

It’s Table Time and Taz is mostly back up. They slug it out somewhat which Candido wins with a thumb to the eye. Taz grabs a Tazmission but suplexes Candido through the table with it instead of going for the submission. The bell rings for no apparent reason and apparently Candido has hurt his neck.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty decent main event style brawl here as these two had some chemistry at times. The selling became an issue again here as a big move would hit and then they would be up five seconds later. Nothing great but for what it was this was totally fine. Taz would lose the title a few months later.

 

The crowd yells at Taz post match so Taz goes out and puts the Tazmission on Candido. Since the fans in ECW are freaking crazy, they cheer for the assault on a guy that might have a broken neck.

 

Shane Douglas vs. Justin Credible

 

Shane curses a lot at Justin before we get going. This is one of Shane’s very last matches in ECW as he would head to WCW for good in just a few weeks. They chop it out but Shane gets some rolling vertical suplexes. This was before Three Amigos and possibly before Rolling Germans (although I don’t think so on that one). Goardbuster and a rolling neck snap to Justin.

 

Justin fires off some chops in the corner but Shane fires back. Out to the floor we go which has been a running theme tonight. It’s table time again as Shane sets one up in the ring. Jason and some chick that has no name yet (Jazz) help Justin back in because the best thing to do to your buddy is to throw him into the ring where a guy that wants to kill him has a weapon.

 

Shane goes up but Jazz helps Justin put him through the table. They chop it out in the corner again but Justin gets a superkick to put him down. Middle rope elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock. Shane fights up and gets a sunset flip, only to get taken down by a clothesline. Out to the floor again and Shane goes into the post, busting him way open.

 

The fans are totally behind Shane here but a low blow stops his comeback cold. Back to a chinlock which Justin puts no crank on at all. Here’s another table, this time in the corner. Wrestling law #1 comes into play as Justin goes into it since he set it up. That only gets two so Shane puts the Figure Four on because he hates Ric Flair so much. Jazz comes in and it’s catfight time with Francine.

 

Both guys grabs canes and they have a duel. Shane gets some kind of kick to put Justin down. Here’s Jason who has a broken neck. Francine spears him down and Shane puts a full nelson on him. It leaves him open to a superkick from Justin though which gets two. Thesz Press puts Justin down and they speed things up a lot. Justin grabs a Stunner of all things to put Shane down. Justin goes up but jumps into an atomic drop and the Pittsburgh Plunge (Fisherman’s DDT with a cradle) ends this.

 

Rating: C-. Neither guy has ever really done much of anything for me. It’s not a horrible match but it dragged on a good bit at various times. Shane would be gone in about two weeks after beating Justin a few more times so this was kind of meaningless in a sense. Either way, not bad, but Justin and Shane are rather dull in the ring most of the time and are better suited on the mic.

 

Post match Storm comes out for the double beatdown and Shane takes a caining. Dreamer comes in for the save but gets in a single trashcan shot before going down also. The fans want Sid but he never shows up and the Impact Players stand tall.

 

Time for the main event so the Dudleys do their big long intro outside the cage. Bubba says there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that they’re here. The bad news is that New Jack isn’t going to be here because he changed his mind like 40 minutes ago. Time for some Gertner but Bubba cuts him off because he wants to fight.

 

Dudley Boys/Mustapha Saed vs. Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten/New Jack

 

There’s no New Jack at this point so it’s a handicap match to start. We stall a lot before the match starts as the fans want the Great Saske to replace New Jack. It would certainly be an upgrade. Actually this is a concept called Ultimate Jeopardy (not that ECW bothered to tell us this or anything) so it’s ECW’s WarGames, meaning Balls vs. D-Von starts us off.

 

Joey really likes using that cabbage in a coleslaw line. D-Von goes into the cage a few times and a superkick puts him down. All Mahoney so far as he goes up top and hits a splash. The countdown begins and here’s Bubba. You can win by pin or submission but not until everyone is in the ring. Balls hammers away and hits a low blow to keep Bubba in the corner but a bleeding D-Von gets some shots in.

 

Balls manages to fight them both off for awhile at least. Bubba manages to grabs a Rock Bottom (called a Urana-che by Joey) and the beating begins. The not yet a Bully messes up and hits D-Von with something metal as Axl comes in to tie this up. D-Von is covered in blood. Lots of metal in play now and Axl carves up D-Von’s head with a pair of scissors. Well isn’t that gruesome?

 

Mustapha comes in now and it’s 3-2. He’s New Jack’s old partner so that would be your explanation for why he’s in here. The heels are dominating here as we’re waiting on New Jack or someone to make the save. D-Von’s blood is everywhere. Bubba manages to hit his backsplash onto Balls. Mustapha uses barbed wire on Axl. There’s the final count down (duh nuh nuh duh duh) and New Jack is here all along. Apparently it was a mind game to mess with the Dudleys. That makes sense so I’ll let it go.

 

New Jack’s music of course plays through the rest of the match. It’s big comeback time as the Dudleys take a huge beating as does Saed. Bubba and Axl have been bleeding for awhile. Joey says everyone is busted so that covers the rest of them. Scratch that as New jack isn’t bleeding which makes more sense. Rotten busts out thumbtacks but D-Von avoids the suplex and puts Axl into them.

 

Everything slows down as it is known to do in matches such as this one. New Jack takes a guitar shot to the head but Balls goes one up on that as he blows a fireball into the face of Joey. Not that it matters though as he turns around and walks into a Dudley Death Drop (more commonly known as 3D) for the pin. The music cutting off really quickly made me chuckle for some reason.

 

Rating: C+. This was supposed to be about violence and keeping them trapped in a small place so I can’t complain much here. These matches are supposed to be extreme and that’s what this came out to be. No stips or anything here as this was just a big fight and to my own surprise, I kind of liked it.

 

Post match the Dudleys bail and the losers beat the tar out of Mustapha, including a huge dive off the top of the cage by New Jack through a table.

 

Overall Rating: B-. Believe it or not I kind of liked this show. They kept the violence and insanity down a lot and we got some decent matches out of them. Taz was still relatively fresh as the world champion and hadn’t destroyed the entire roster yet so there were still challengers to him. Not a great show or anything but the two hour format worked a lot better for them here and it’s one of the better ECW shows I can remember.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon at:

 

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 17, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

Tonight is about the wedding of Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan. For those of you that haven’t followed Impact Wrestling for awhile, you did indeed read that properly. Also we get to deal with the fallout from Genesis as we now have about two months before the next three hour PPV in Lockdown. Odds are we’re not going to really start building up to that for awhile yet. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap opens things up while recapping them.

Ray is getting his tuxedo ready and seems happy. Spike Dudley comes in (complete with taped glasses) and is followed by Tommy Dreamer. Apparently they’re his groomsmen.

Some Knockouts are Brooke’s bridesmaids. It’s not clear if Hulk is going to be there or not.

Here’s Hardy to open the show. He talks about retaining at Genesis and surviving against all odds. Hardy says he does what he does for the people and he’ll keep fighting for them forever. 2013 is going to be the year of Jeff Hardy so bring on the fights. This brings out Daniels and Kaz to talk about Daniels’ title shot next week which he won by beating Storm on Sunday. Daniels does his usual name jokes but Hardy wants to fight right now. Hardy gets beaten down until Storm runs in for the save. If you can’t figure out what this sets up, go read something else.

James Storm/Jeff Hardy vs. Bad Influence

Actually it starts right now. It’s a brawl to start with Jeff diving on both opponents as we take a break. Back with Storm vs. Daniels before it’s quickly off to the champion. Storm comes back in after about half a second to start working on the arm. Daniels rams him into the corner so Kaz can choke away like a good heel would. Bad Influence (I’m really not feeling that name and it’s barely ever used) takes their turns on Storm as we’re waiting on the big hot tag to Jeff.

Storm finally hits a Russian legsweep and makes the aforementioned hot tag, hitting a running clothesline off the apron to take Daniels down. Everything breaks down and Storm hits Closing time on Daniels. He dives over the top at Chris and hurts his own knee in the process. Kaz escapes the Twist and rakes Hardy’s eyes to set up a small package for two. Hardy grabs a VERY sloppy Twist for the pin at 12:00.

Rating: C. Really basic tag match here which didn’t do anything of note. The smart thing to do here would be to have Daniels pin Hardy via cheating of some kind but instead they just had things go like usual. The Twist at the end was pretty sloppy too which didn’t help anything. I’m also not sure what Storm is getting out of this but maybe it’s too early to say.

Daniels blasts Hardy in the back and hits Angel’s Wings on the belt.

The Gut Check guys talk about the match last week.

Joseph Park gives Ray some Cuban cigars that may or may not be legal. He also asks about a prenup and gives a thumbs up or down. Ray: “OUT!” Funny stuff.

Time for Gut Check. Apparently only one guy gets to go to the judges and that’s Jay Bradley (meaning Brian Cage goes home). Tazz says no, so Jay gives a decent speech saying he’s earned this shot. Snow says yes, Bruce says yes, he gets a contract. Why this is supposed to be interesting I’m not sure.

Christian York vs. Kenny King

This is fallout from King’s attack on York that likely cost him the title on Sunday. York dives onto King to start and beats on him on the floor before heading back inside for a clothesline. Christian pounds away in the corner and hits a bunch of kicks to King’s face. This is one sided so far. King fires off a kick but York immediately comes back with a suplex. He loads King into the Rack to do what King did to him on Sunday, but Kenny rakes the eyes and rolls York up with a handful of trunks to win at 2:52. King’s offense consisted of an eye rake, a kick and a rollup.

Ray asks Sting to talk to Hulk for him. Sting says he’ll try.

Aries antagonizes Roode for not winning the title before saying the arguing makes no sense. The slanting isn’t in their favor and Aries is tired of it. Apparently they’re crashing the wedding.

Taz goes to the back to help set up for the wedding.

Hulk is in the parking lot and the cameraman asks him if he’s here for the wedding tonight. Hulk says nothing other than saying get the camera out of his face.

Taz comes in to Bully’s room and they make fun of Heyman a bit. Dreamer asks about Hogan but Ray says he’s marrying Brooke as long as his guys are here with him.

We recap the Ray/Hogans stuff.

Here’s Sting to ask Hogan to come out and talk about the wedding. Hogan says he doesn’t trust Bully because in wrestling, everyone stabs everyone in the back. He wants an explanation from Sting on why he trusts Bully. Sting talks about all of the times that Ray has saved them but Hogan says he has a bad feeling about this and he’ll never trust Bully Ray. Sting says Hulk needs to do this for himself and Brooke. Hulk says he’ll do the right thing. Brother.

Gail Kim talks to Taryn Terrell and explains how she cost Gail the gauntlet match on Sunday. Apparently Brooke has given Gail a rematch against Velvet, making the whole thing on PPV completely pointless.

We get clips of Bully Ray at a strip club for his bachelor party.

Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Winner gets a title shot at some point. I’m digging Velvet’s new curly hair. Velvet sends her to the floor to start as we’re not exactly in a fast gear early on. A sunset flip gets two for Velvet so Gail kicks her in the ribs to take over. A neckbreaker gets two for Kim and Velvet gets the same off a snap suplex. Sky can’t hit a bulldog so Gail dropkicks her down. Eat Defeat hits but Velvet gets a foot under the rope at two. Now the bulldog hits as does a headscissors. A kind of spinning X-Factor takes down Gail and In Yo Face gets the pin at 5:54.

Rating: D+. I don’t care. I’ve tried for months now and I just do not care about the Knockouts at all. They’re mostly gorgeous, they have good outfits on, and I do not care anything at all past that. The same girls have been having the same matches and feuds for years now and I do not care at all. The match was the usual stuff.

Dixie and Brooke have a girl moment.

It’s 9:30 and with nothing else to go, it’s time for the wedding???

We recap Daniels and Hardy earlier.

Here are Aries and Roode to complain about life in general. They say there should be a celebration about the two of them because without the two of them, there wouldn’t be a show. They complain about not having respect despite being champion for almost all of last year. Aries points out how all of the champions in TNA used to be big deals….ten years ago. This brings out Chavo and Hernandez, complaints are made, Mexican food jokes are made, a brawl breaks out and the champs clear the ring. Ok so the wedding only gets twenty minutes. That’s WAY better.

Hogan and Sting are STILL talking. Sting suggests that maybe Brooke can see something Hogan can’t.

It’s wedding time. Ray is in a tux which is weird to say the least. The groomsmen come out with the bridesmaids (looking GOOD tonight) and here’s Brooke. Hulk finally comes out (setting a record in getting into a tuxedo) to a big ovation. The fans tell Hulk to shake Bully’s hand. They get through a LONG intro from the minister and saying how much they care about each other. No one objects, they both say I do, and Tazz takes the mic from the minister.

Tazz asks if Bully is sure, then says it’s too hot in here. He takes off his jacket, and reveals an Aces and 8’s vest. The big brawl ends the ceremony and show. Brooke gets kidnapped again as Ray takes a pedestal to the face

Overall Rating: C-. The question coming into this show wasn’t would there be a swerve in the wedding but rather what would the swerve be. As for what we got…..eh. It’s still someone else that doesn’t really change anything, so who cares? Other than that though, there wasn’t much here. They did a good job of hyping up the world title match next week, but other than that there wasn’t much going on here. This was ALL about the wedding, which is ok, but if you’re not into that storyline, go watch something else. TNA has run into that problem before and while it isn’t as bad as it’s been in the past, they’re getting close to it.

Results

James Storm/Jeff Hardy b. Bad Influence – Twist of Fate to Kazarian

Kenny King b. Christian York – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim – In Yo Face

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Guilty As Charged 1999
Date: January 10, 1999
Location: Millennium Theater, Kissimmee, Florida
Attendance: 2,600
Commentator: Joey Styles

So tonight after about eight months of waiting too long, it’s FINALLY time for Shane vs. Taz. The main problem here is simple: until this point, no one bought for a second that anyone but Taz was going to take the belt off of Shane, so there was no point in caring about any other challenger.

The other issue was Taz wasn’t nearly as hot anymore. RVD was arguably the hottest guy on the roster but after the WAY long build for Taz, he had to have the belt at least 3-4 months. Other than that there’s not a lot here. Dreamer vs. Credible in a Stairway to Hell ladder match and that’s about it. Let’s get to 1999 in ECW.

Heyman thanks us for buying the event. He says the card has to be changed and Tanaka and Lynn won’t be working tonight, so instead of Tanaka vs. RVD and Lynn vs. Storm and Spike we get Storm vs. Van Dam. I like them just flat out telling us. It’s a nice little touch as the reality is simple: bad stuff happens sometimes and you have to deal with it at times. Good for Paul to just flat out say it.

Joey says ECW is Guilty as Charged. Doesn’t say what they’re guilty of but whatever.

Cue theme song.

Danny Doring/Roadkill vs. Full Blooded Italians

Doring and Roadkill don’t even get an entrance on PPV. That’s saying a lot about them I’d say. It’s Smothers and Guido in case you were wondering. Not a terrible choice for an opener I guess. Joey goes silent for a long time for no apparent reason. The arena setup is really weird as the ramp is coming from the bottom as opposed to the side. And here are Rotten and Mahoney.

Apparently this is now a three way dance. Ah there’s Joey. I wonder if Rotten ever got annoyed with the music always being about Mahoney. Rotten says he hates this dancing stuff so now it’s a three way dance, meaning elimination rules. Well sure why not. Yep it’s chair shot time. There’s no one in the ring at all. Ah ok we have Mahoney and Smothers in there. The commentary is really quiet as it’s hard to hear Joey.

Of course there’s nothing resembling tagging or wrestling at all here so it’s ECW. Ok that’s not fair or true but you get the point. Apparently Roadkill screws sheep. The ring is REALLY loud. He puts Smothers down and in a move that literally has my mouth hanging open, Roadkill hits a top rope splash ¾ across the ring. That was IMPRESSIVE.

And the Italians put out Roadkill and Doring with a double fisherman’s suplex. Rotten has been nowhere to be seen for a LONG time now. Oh there he is on the apron. Both freaky looking guys hit their finishers on the Italians to end it. They add a pair of SICK chair shots for the heck of it.

Rating: D+. Just way too short to mean anything here. It was beat up one guy, go for a finisher, counter finisher, hit finisher, pin. The adding in of the Freaks helped too I think as it’s not like this was anything remotely resembling interesting otherwise so there’s nothing wrong with that. Still though just something to get the crowd going and it worked pretty well in that sense. Match was awful though.

Terry Funk is here to complain about Tommy Dreamer. Apparently this is about Jake Roberts for some reason. Yes I know the story behind it.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy

Tajiri is in regular tights here and he looks weird like that. He looks YOUNG too. This should be fun if nothing else. Joey sums up Tajiri by saying he loves to kick. Yep that’s accurate. DANG they are freaking moving out there. That was awesome looking right there. Not huge on Tajiri completely no selling that spinning DDT but whatever. There’s that handspring elbow. I love that move.

Picture perfect Asai moonsault follows that up. SICK kick to Crazy’s head and a Tarantula follow that up. Awesome stuff. I always cringe whenever someone is put in a surfboard. That move is just freaking painful looking. This is awesome to say the least. They trade rollups but both guys just get two. It’s followed up by some insane strikes and counters that I can’t keep up with. Tajiri ends it with a Dragon Suplex (full nelson into a suplex pin).

Rating: A-. OH YES. Ok, now if this was what ECW meant by the best of the rest of the world, I get it. This was AMAZINGLY fun to watch. It’s about 11 minutes long which is perfect as both guys were starting to get a bit tired at the end so instead of sucking the life out of the place at the end they wrapped it up. This was awesome and fun. It was a spotfest and there isn’t a thing wrong with that. Incredibly entertaining match.

Come see us!

John Kronus vs. ???

Kronus has completely outlived his usefulness at this point and no one cares. Judge Jeff Jones debuts as the Judge instead of being the crooked referee that he had been for months prior to this. Considering Bill Clinton had a heart issue last night, his jokes about him are a bit touchy. He declares a bunch of people Guilty as Charged.

Apparently Kronus beat Jones up at a live show. He brings out Sid Vicious to beat the tar out of Kronus. Sid throws him through a table which more or less explodes. There’s a massive POWERBOMB chant. For the life of me I never got why Sid was so over but he always was to be fair. This might have lasted two minutes at most.

Rating: N/A. Well he’s a bigger deal than Jake Roberts if nothing else. Never been that big on him but he got a pop and a freaking half so there we go.

We recap Shane vs. Taz, including Taz vs. Sabu. Oh and Shane offered him Francine. She was hotter than given credit for. Sabu got his neck broken…again, by Taz. I guess this made more sense in context. Oh ok it was a plot by Taz to get into the ECW Title picture and drop the FTW belt. Got it.

Gertner and the Dudleys show up unannounced for no apparent reason. Clean shaven Bubba is odd looking. They’re only five time champions here. That’s odd indeed. Big Dick just growls at the camera. Nicely done. Gertner makes these shows, period. He’s the bacon in her eggs, the man for whom she begs and the face between her legs. He’s talking about Daisy Duck of all….well actually non people in this case.

I have a new favorite line from Gertner. When talking about Sign Guy: he’s pretty fly for a sign guy. Apparently Big Dick split open YOUR 42 year old mother and then gave it to her like a pair of 21 year old twins. Yep, I love Gertner. They call out anyone and they get a pretty bad answer.

Dudley Boys vs. New Jack/Spike Dudley

Oh great. IT’S THAT STUPID SONG!!! Spike is dressed like a gangsta. I hate my life. Two guesses as to what the primary focus of this match is. Go ahead and guess. BOY TAKE A FREAKING GUESS! Spike almost gets his head taken off by a shot with something made of metal. D-Von just unloads on New Jack. Spike is launched into the crowd and they body surf him back to the ring. You know ECW: always doing new stuff. And let’s just do it again!

The faces both have guitars and the heels both have chairs. Big Dick winds up taking both guitars. And New jack is freaking cheered for this stuff. They botch a 3D on the ramp so it looks like Jack splashes Bubba. He never even touches the ramp. Ok wait so a guitar being broken over the head of Dick does nothing but an Acid Drop puts him down. A good 3D ends Spike and thankfully that song too.

Post match the Dudleys just freaking kill New Jack with chair shots. They then talk about how they’ve destroyed every team in ECW history. He calls out Public Enemy for a match in six days. They actually did show up despite working for WCW at the time.

Rating: F-. I hate these things and I always have. Call it bias or whatever but guys like New Jack are a disgrace to the sport of pro wrestling and anything he’s involved in is a failure on the part of the booker for putting him on the card. He has no business in wrestling and should be in jail for attempted murder with the Grimes incident.

Big long RVD video package set to Walk. Nothing wrong with that. So instead of Tanaka it’s Storm vs. Van Dam. That could work quite well.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

Dawn Marie isn’t human. She can’t be. Storm gets in a great line: he’s not the whole F’ing show but he’s the best part of it. Now Paul make sure you pay attention to the reaction that Van Dam gets, because you won’t be hearing anything like it in the main event. We get a LONG feeling out process that actually isn’t boring at all. I’ve always liked the way Storm threw punches for some reason. Storm gets the half crab which doesn’t mean anything yet.

Fonzie and Dawn (Tammy Lynn Bytch at the time but not a lot of people would get that name) go at it on the floor which lets Van Dam take over. SWEET superkick by Storm. Has to be the second best guy at that ever. We’re in the crowd now and in probably one of the five sickest bumps I’ve ever seen, Van Dam gets a reverse DDT onto the floor. No protection at all and he just slams into it.

Storm is WAY underrated in the ring. This has been solid stuff so far, but I’d like more in ring stuff. Storm is a Canadian bad boy apparently. Van Dam more or less cuts a promo in the middle of the match. That’s just awesome. Ah there we go. We’re back in the ring. I don’t mind the insane stuff as long as it winds up being about wrestling. Van Dam goes for the Van Daminator (why can’t he go for coffee or lunch instead?) but Storm jumps away. WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!!!

It connects the second time and Storm is out cold. Oh ok he was faking. The referee takes a SWEET looking Van Daminator. After Fonzie interferes, a Van Daminator from the top gets two. The quick taunts from Van Dam are what set him apart I think. Like I’ve said before, the playing to the crowd is a signature of the all time greats like Austin, Rock, Sting, Hogan and Flair. In a very surprising finish, we get a wrestling sequence and Van Dam gets the CLEAN pin with a nice German suplex. I greatly approve.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but the overbooking and interference hurt it a bit. This was one of those matches where both guys could definitely bring it and they did here. The ending worked very well too as Van Dam beat him with his own game. What more can you ask for? Solid stuff.

We recap Dreamer vs. Credible which is because of Funk apparently taking Credible under his wing. So yeah, it’s about Funk vs. Dreamer again, which never had the blowoff because Funk headed to WCW.

Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

You know if you cut Nicole Bass’ head off she’d look good. Jazz, who doesn’t have a name yet, is also with Credible. This is a Stairway to Hell match, meaning there is barbed wire hanging over the ring and you need a ladder to get to it. I love Man in the Box. I just do. What in the world is the appeal of Justin? I have never gotten that at all. We get a weird shot from across where the cameras would be to see the ladder. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

Tommy finally brings the ladder into play as this has been all brawling anyway. The fans want Funk apparently. For a good while it’s all Dreamer and that’s over already. Do you think four people with Justin is enough? Dreamer has a bad arm now too. All of Justin’s entourage helps him out and down goes Tommy. I JUST SAID THAT JOEY!!! I didn’t think it was possible but Jazz is somehow more annoying than she would be in WWE.

It’s all Justin at this point as he just beats the living tar out of Tommy with all kinds of stuff. Tommy makes his comeback and of course here’s Funk because according to Heyman, Credible isn’t allowed to lose. That’s Incredible, which in this case is a powerslam, onto a ladder ends it. I know this is supposed to be an epic storyline and whatnot but I just couldn’t care less at all.

Rating: D. This whole thing was so that Funk could screw over Tommy. I didn’t need a 20 minute beating and Jazz/Nicole screaming to get to that point. Just a waste of time that I wanted to end after about five minutes or so.

Some guy named Stephen Prazak (has to be related to Dave in ROH somehow) interviews Taz. This reaches Rock and Coach levels of insulting. How did Taz go from this to the raving idiot he is now.

Shane says he’s not ready to lose the belt. That’s so funny because it’s supposed to be in character.

ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Taz

Oh and to be clear: Shane has a broken wrist so Taz won’t win deservingly no matter what he does. Ok, before we get into this, let’s get this out of the way. In my eyes, it was this feud that officially killed ECW. Shane should have dropped the belt at least six months ago to Taz who would then be able to drop it to RVD who was the hottest thing in the company and also the best wrestler in the company.

For those of you that don’t know, Taz wins the belt here and holds it until September when he goes to WWF. The problem was that by this time, no one cared about Taz at all. RVD was the popular guy but instead of putting the belt on him like the money would have been in, as that by this time, no one cared about Taz at all.

RVD was the popular guy but instead of putting the belt on him like the money would have been in, he belt more or less had to go to Taz since he had chased it for a year now. Shane should have dropped it in like August and this should be Van Dam vs. Taz for it, but instead by the time Taz dropped it, ECW was dead in the water anyway.

Overall Rat….oh that’s right we still have a match to go. They’re trying to make this seem epic but both guys are more or less done as far as meaning anything in the ring at this point. Taz is ok but the people are just rather apathetic to him at this point. We get a conversation with either production or security guys which is always interesting.

They’re out in the crowd now, meaning more time that the inevitable can’t happen. No one on the planet thinks Shane has a chance here but I guess it has to be made out to be epic right? We’re still in the crowd, which is a very annoying one this time. OH GOOD NIGHT JUST GO TO THE FREAKING RING!!! This is so freaking stupid. We can barely see them as they’re just brawling.

This has been going on for nearly 10 minutes. Shane is bleeding and we’re BACK IN THE RING! Oh look, it’s a table. Taz goes through it as I think watching a test pattern might be more interesting. Shane goes through a table. This is just dull. And now we have no lights. Sabu appears, complete with pyro (in ECW?). He beats up both guys for not apparent reason other than Taz breaking his neck and Shane putting Taz up to it. At least it makes sense.

Pretty impressive that a guy with a broken neck can beat up two professional wrestlers. Shane calls for the Triple Threat and here’s Tammy (Sunny). You know what that means. Candido is here and he turns on Shane, I guess going face? That sets up the Tazmission which of course Shane is allowed to escape for a second before it’s locked on again and Shane passes out. Was that supposed to be Austin/Hart again or something?

Rating: D+. And that’s being VERY generous. This match was 22 minutes long. Of that, 12 were brawling in the crowd, three were Sabu doing his thing, two were Candido running in and 5 were actual wrestling. That’s the EPIC match though right? This could have been good, but seriously, there was enough time spent just “brawling” in the crowd to have the main event of Mania 9. Steamboat beat Savage in about as much time as they brawled in the crowd. See what I mean?

Overall Rating: C-. This show tried. I can’t take that away from it at all. This show had some thought and effort put into it and that helps a lot. However, some of the stuff here was just flat out bad. There is some very good stuff in here, but there’s too much brawling to make it great. A problem with ECW is that they tried to substitute brawling and violence for storytelling and wrestling and that can’t work long term.

Two of the last three matches were brawling and a moment at the end with nothing else going on. This is indeed better than most of the shows that ECW has had lately, but still the last hour of this show just bored me to tears. Check it out, but have a remote in hand to fast forward it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: November 5, 1999
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

It’s the last show before November to Remember and I’m sure we’ll get some more matches thrown on here, or at least some more talked about. If I remember right a lot of the matches would often be added on the night of the show. I can’t believe that we’ve only got eleven months to go with this entire show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of a house show tag title match with Raven/Dreamer defending against the Impact Players. There was a catfight (duh) and Rhyno ran in to take down Dreamer, revealing himself as the mystery partner of the Impact Players. Raven tried to DDT him but Credible destroyed him with a Singapore cane.

The Players hit stereo piledrivers and covered but the lights went out and Sandman made the save, setting up the six man tag. After waiting for his song to play for a few minutes he came down and caned everyone in a fairly col sequence. Dreamer and Sandman have a beer together. This is Sandman’s return from WCW.

Opening sequence.

Joey runs down the PPV card.

The Baldies are in the ring and says there are two things they don’t have: hair and patience. They want Axl and Balls to prove who the real Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks are.

Axl Rotten/Balls Mahoney vs. The Baldies

The guys with hair clear the ring until Skull (Big Vito) gets in Balls’ face. PN News and New Jack run in and make the save for the heel and then face side respectively. Carnage ensues and this wasn’t a real match. Angel staple guns New Jack in the eye and everyone panics.

After a break, Rotten/Mahoney vs. The Baldies is made for the PPV.

We run down the PPV card again.

The Baldies say they’re the new kings of the street instead of New Jack.

Little Guido vs. Spike Dudley vs. Super Crazy

Spike has a female fan in the crowd and Guido gets in her face. Then he stomps on her glasses until Spike goes off on him to get us going. Crazy gets involved and we take a break. Back with the Acid Drop being countered into a Fujiwara Armbar by Guido. Guido gets sent to the floor by Crazy so Spike can dive onto him. This is one of those matches that’s going so fast you can’t keep track of everything in it.

Everyone goes into the crowd for more brawling with Guido taking over again. They go to the ringside area inside the barricade before Spike puts Crazy into the crowd again and hits a rana. Back in finally and Spike dives into another Fujiwara Armbar but he makes the rope. The shoulder goes into the post and Big Sal sets up a table. Spike manages to Acid Drop him through said table as this is one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in years. Spike comes back in but walks into the Tomikaze (jumping Killswitch) for a quick pin.

This is elimination though so Crazy grabs a quick German suplex on Guido for two. Standing moonsault gets the same. Crazy does the ten punches in the corner and of course the crowd counts in Spanish. Guido counters a headscissors into a facejam out of the corner to take over. A top rope legdrop gets two and Guido is ticked off. A brainbuster is countered into a DDT for two for Crazy. Triple moonsault is broken up by Sal so the third one only hits knees. Crazy’s brainbuster gets two followed by a sitout powerbomb for the pin.

Rating: C-. I’m really not a fan of these wild fast paced matches. They’re going too fast to keep up with and while they’re fun, there’s too much going on at at once and it gets distracting. The stuff in the crowd was a nightmare because you couldn’t keep track of what was going on. Once they got in the ring and started wrestling it was a lot better, but this was still too much of a mess.

Van Dam isn’t worried about Taz because Taz is just jealous. When Taz was world champion, people were talking about the TV Champion. When did anyone tell Taz that one of his four minute title defenses were the match of the year? That’s painful because it’s true.

Simon Diamond has Dick Hertz with him.

Doring is sad because Lita is gone. They’re playing the Pulp Fiction music so we’re not going to see another match tonight are we? Doring says where he’ll be staying tonight if any women want to come make him feel better.

Fonzie tells Candido to bring it to Sabu.

Simon and Dick make fun of Buffalo.

Jerry Lynn is ready for his three way dance on Sunday.

The Baldies tell New Jack it could have been worse.

Simon warns people about his Big Dick.

Corino says his team will win and they’re not worried about Sandman.

Raven doesn’t want Sandman on his team.

The Impact Players want the titles.

Raven wants to hurt Credible.

Credible says his catchphrase.

Raven would rather let his mother die than lose to Justin.

Overall Rating: D. I get what they’re going for with these promo marathons, but they don’t make for good TV. Literally the last ten minutes of 45 they have to air are nothing but people talking. That isn’t interesting and it could have easily been used for a quick match or even two quick matches. At the end of the day, just wrestle. It’ll work most of the time.

Here’s November to Remember if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/07/26/november-to-remember-1999-another-six-man-main-event/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: October 29, 2006
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

It’s another show before November to Remember and most of the card hasn’t been fleshed out at all. To be fair though they’re still getting the hang of this national TV thing and most of their audience (in theory) was watching Hardcore TV which is where a lot of the show was likely being hyped. I’m not sure what to expect from this show as I can’t find a card for it so this should be surprising at least. Let’s get to it.

After the theme song, Joel and Joey do their usual intro.

Taz vs. Sabu

That’s quite the opener. These two are the only grand slam winners in company history, if you count the FTW Title as a championship. They slug it out to start with Sabu taking a small advantage. We head to the floor and both guys get whipped into the barricade. Sabu sets up a table between the ring and the barricade and we take a break. Back with Sabu hitting a DDT on Taz on the ramp.

They fight on the ramp with Taz taking over with more right hands. Back inside the ring and Sabu dropkicks the knee out. The slingshot side kick gets two and both guys are down. There’s the camel clutch but Taz escapes pretty easily. Another kick is countered into a release German Tazplex to change the momentum. Taz goes up but gets caught in a rana off the top for two.

Fonzie helps to bring in a table and the fans are a lot more excited now. Now we get a chair too but the Triple Jump Moonsault is broken up. Sabu kicks the legs out from Taz when he’s about to swing a chair. A powerbomb is countered into an Alabama Slam through the table by Taz but Sabu grabs the rope. Taz goes up and misses a Swanton (Yes, Taz just tried that) so Sabu pelts him with a chair and drives him through a table. That gets a delayed two for Sabu and here’s another table. In a pretty simple ending, Sabu puts him on the table and hits an Arabian Facebuster off the top to drive Taz through the table for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match here and I liked it better than their Barely Legal match. This is one of those matches where the history was there (not that ECW would ever give that history to you) so the fans were automatically going to care about it. The ending was a little lackluster, but Taz was on his way out so it made sense for him to go out on his back.

Post match the Impact Players come out but get chased off by Van Dam. Sabu and Van Dam get in a fight and Rob is punched into the Tazmission. It’s Taz vs. Van Dam at the PPV.

We get a clip from Hardcore TV with Lou E. Dangerously bringing back Mikey Whipwreck who got destroyed by Mike Awesome.

Lance Storm vs. Tommy Dreamer

Storm jumps Dreamer as he gets into the ring and Dreamer is in trouble. Dreamer comes back with an atomic low blow and knocks Storm to the floor. They head into the crowd for some shots with a chilled beverage. Back to ringside and Dreamer’s bad back gets suplexed onto the floor. It doesn’t really seem to matter as Dreamer backdrops him into the crowd again. He goes to the back and pulls out a ladder. Sure why not.

A middle rope elbow misses Storm completely and hits the ladder which had to freaking HURT. They head back in and Storm is in complete control. And scratch that as Dreamer whips him into the ladder and hits the Dreamer Driver for two. The girls get in and break it up with a catfight, allowing Raven to run in and DDT Dreamer so Storm can get the pin.

Rating: D. This can barely be classified as a wrestling match. It was a fight and a pretty sloppy one at that. Dreamer was incredibly popular in ECW, but he was never a ring general or even a sergeant. This didn’t work for the most part as Storm because a brawl isn’t his style at all. I didn’t like this one at all.

The Impact Players beat down Raven as well until Dreamer makes the save.

We recap the whole Dreamer/Raven vs. Impact Players feud.

Raven yells at Dreamer, saying that Tommy is a leech and a degenerate. For some reason Dreamer stands there and lets Raven beat him up before Tommy DDTs him and yells a lot.

Nova says he’s dedicating every match he wrestles to Chris Chetti, his injured partner.

Nova/David Cash vs. The Baldies

No match as Doring/Roadkill jump Nova while the Baldies beat up Cash. Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten make the save for no apparent reason. They argue over hitting Lita with a chair but Jazz comes out and does it for them.

We get a bit of a dance party to Big Balls until Joey glares at Gertner. Joey previews next week’s show and talks about someone jumping from WCW next week.

Raven talks about all the misery he’s going to put Dreamer through and all the misery the Impact Players are going to go through as well. No matter what Justin does, he’ll never be as big as Raven.

Overall Rating: C-. These shows are reaching the point where we have coherent stories on them, which is a major upgrade. The main story is clearly Dreamer/Raven vs. the Impact Players, which would be most of the main event at November to Remember. The wrestling here was pretty bad but they were setting up the PPV which is something they needed to do. Also this show went by quickly so I can’t complain as much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Anarchy Rulz 1999
Date: September 19, 1999
Location: Odeum Expo Center, Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

And so it dies here. No not the company as they held onto life, if you want to call it that, for about another 16 months after this. Taz leaves here though, as WWF came with a huge sum of money about three weeks after ECW debuted on TNN. The Dudleys already left about two weeks earlier. Word has gotten out that Taz is leaving too, so don’t expect him to be incredibly over tonight. Other than that, there isn’t much on the card. Storm vs. Lynn should be fun though. Let’s get to it.

We see Masato Tanaka showing up. He’s the number one contender. I’m not sure but I think that was Dave Prazak doing the interview. Awesome’s manager shows up and doesn’t like Tanaka. He gets smacked.

Cyrus and Joey do the intro you would expect before we throw it to the theme song.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

We start with this? Really? I guess part of anarchy is that we’re getting rid of the best match right off the bat for some reason. Dawn Marie’s dress is almost not even there. These are two of my favorites from ECW so I’ll be pleased with this more than likely. Jerry’s ribs are messed up because the Impact Players beat him up about a week before.

Lance Storm having his own personal woman is just amusing as all get out. Crowd is pretty one sided to say the least. We have a nice technical piece to start. Did you expect anything else? The fans applaud which is always a good sign. ECW fans were fair if nothing else. I’ve always liked Joey’s mentioning of the referees. They work extremely hard and rarely get the credit that they deserve. Storm’s chops kind of suck.

There’s a bad delay right before it connects and it makes them look really weak. The fans get bored with the match and would like to see something from Dawn. Cyrus gets a nice line in by saying that Storm is a step ahead of Gene Kiniski who was billed as Canada’s Greatest Athlete: he’s CALGARY’S Greatest Athlete. That’s a great line and could be solid for a heel in a territorial promotion.

The referee yells at someone at ringside for a LONG time with his eyes totally away from the action. Nice one guys. Jerry hits a nice plancha from the top rope to the floor and down goes Storm. Having Cyrus as an analyst is a GREAT help. Joey is fun to listen to but there is simply too much to have one guy do. That’s not a knock on Styles. It’s too much for anyone. Having an analyst in there takes a ton of pressure off of Joey and it’s helping a lot.

Cradle piledriver is blocked. Again, can someone explain the difference to me? SWEET pinfall reversal sequence that goes on for nearly a minute straight. That’s VERY impressive and literally gets a standing ovation from the crowd. They go wide to show it and they quite well should. Amazing stuff as I knew it would be. Cyrus points out that he used to be a wrestler which is something that needs to be done more often.

TNA has been doing it more often lately as they point out that Taz used to be a wrestler. He’s been retired what, 9 years or so? A LOT of fans likely haven’t seen him wrestle. How long has it been for King? Point out to the fans that he actually has experience. Jerry is a former world champion as is Taz. Let the fans know that once in awhile. There’s a chair wedged in the corner that hasn’t been doing anything yet.

Lynn is thrown into the corner but slides to avoid the steel macguffin. He slams his ribs into the post though and Storm goes after it like a Hart-trained wrestler attempting to use basic psychology. Lynn hits a Stunner out of nowhere to get us back to even. I love when wrestlers just bust out random moves.

It makes no sense that so many guys only use their signature stuff. Use whatever comes to mind, at least in kayfabe terms. Storm hits a knee to the ribs and hooks a ¾ nelson of all things for the clean pin? That came out of NOWHERE. It’s fine to end it that way as it looked solid, but DANG that was random.

Rating: A-. I loved this and yes it’s biased. Even still though, this was very solid stuff. See what happens with simple psychology and good wrestling? It works very well indeed and you get a great match that I was way into. This worked and to be fair it’s probably because they’re two of my favorites in ECW.

Joey and Cyrus argue about “the office.”

Simon Diamond is here. He used to screw Dawn Marie so he’s awesome. He talks in the 3rd person but has none of Rock’s talent so there you go. He is looking for a partner and asks for Tom Marquez who graduated from the House of Hardcore. And that’s not good enough because Simon didn’t say it. There is no man here to fight Simon. And cue Jazz. Apparently he’s looking for a partner. Which is why he asked for someone to fight. Got it.

She’s a face at this point and is in no way shape or form a Chyna rip-off. Nope, not at all is she, the woman that looks tough and is overly muscular and fighting men a rip-off of Chyna. Not at all. Diamond runs his mouth off and yells at Marquez, the timekeeper tonight, to fight Jazz. Sure why not.

Jazz vs. Tom Marquez

Jazz gets beaten up for awhile and then hits a mat slam for a long two but a guy named Tony DeVito pulls the referee out. Yeah this wasn’t a match. 45 seconds at most.

Chris Chetti and Nova run out for the save and apparently THIS is a tag match now.

Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Tony DeVito/Simon Diamond

Apparently Nova is the most ripped off wrestler in the world as whatever he invents is on Monday night the next week. While that’s true to an extent, I’ll let it go and let Mr. Joey Pot and Cyrus Kettle, call this match. Wow that Jazz is BLACK. WOW that joke sucked. Anyway, you get the idea I think. DeVito goes for a Rock Bottom and botches the living tar out of it. And after about two minutes Danny Doring and Roadkill along with that redhead chick named Angelica run out for the DQ. Yes it’s Lita.

Rating: N/A. Two minutes of just boring stuff.

They hit Jazz with the Hart Attack. A ton of jobbers come out to stop Roadkill and it’s just a massive brawl. And now we get the point to all this: it’s New Jack. Oh why does he have to come back? I’m sure you know my thoughts on New Jack by now. One of the jobbers in there is the semi-famous Big Vito.

Staple gun to the head of some guy. And we do it again. Make it three times. I hate New Jack. I truly do. Nova and Chetti seem to like him though. Ok to be fair, the crowd is going nuts over this.

Tour ad.

Cyrus and Joey argue some more.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

During the entrances, Joey says he’s more or less high on laryngitis medications. Ok then. Tajiri is in his traditional look now. Crowd seems to favor Crazy the best. They point out the three distinct styles here which is a nice touch. Well this is better than another combination them going one on one again I guess. Oh and Big Sal is now the Big Salbowski. Give me a break.

Yes I get that it’s an intentional parody, but if this was the other way around, ECW would be FREAKING over WWF taking another idea from them. When ECW does it, it’s a parody though. Yeah that’s annoying. The chant of Where’s My Pizza starts up. WOW those get annoying. It’s your basic spotfest to start: stupid but fun. Guido hooks a camel clutch on Crazy and Tajiri kicks the heck out of him. They set for it again and Tajiri kicks the heck out of Guido. Nice one.

Tajiri hits a picture perfect moonsault to the floor to take out both guys. It was of the Asai breed in case you were curious. Guido hits a second rope Fameasser which looked good. Not sure why but it did. Crazy one ups Tajiri by hitting a top rope Asai moonsault and lands ON HIS FEET. That was awesome looking. In a SICK spot, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip on Crazy but it’s blocked. Tajiri pulls himself back up, spins crazy around and hooks the Tarantula.

Guido throws in a great double foot to the face. That was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. Guido gets the Sicilian Crab at the same time Crazy gets a camel clutch. Tajiri was totally off the ground. Ton of sick spots in this match. That baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe is always great. Crazy follows that up with a moonsault to put Guido out.

It’s elimination rules in case you didn’t get that so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy. The ten punch count being in Spanish is always a nice touch. The handspring elbow hits for Tajiri. We get a Super Loco chant. When they get creative like that I can live with them. Tajiri blocks the triple moonsault and just goes off on Crazy. A SICK brainbuster ends it.

Rating: B-. This is an odd match. The spots were great and I liked them a lot, but I just could not get into the match as a whole if that makes sense. I think it’s because this has been done so many times now that there’s just no real reason to care about this match. It was fun, but there’s just nothing of substance to it. Nice spot fest though.

We throw it to Steve Corino who says they were going to bring in the Insane Clown Posse to fight Raven and Dreamer tonight. And they’re not here. Corino was the manager apparently and brought them in. Instead Raven and Dreamer get Rhino and Corino. Ok then.

Billy Corgin is here.

They rant about WCW or something or other for awhile.

Justin Credible vs. Sabu

Does anyone else find it stupid that ECW says Sabu is genocidal? That’s just a bit of overkill. Sabu was banned for no apparent reason. Justin has a restraining order. Sacre bleu. What a waste of my time. Yes I quoted Smart Guy of all things. The referee says it’s a legal document, but there is no law tonight since Anarchy Rulz. Justin drills the announcer for saying it and the lights go out. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the Impact Players got him banned for being too violent. Fonzie gets a table for Sabu. Justin gets a Russian leg sweep on the ramp which looked good. I’d expect that’s the only wrestling move for awhile. Sabu goes through a table for some reason. Did anyone care about Credible? I don’t really think so. We get a vague Kliq reference which Justin was a part of in the back.

Sabu hits a big spot and Joey calls it indescribable just before he, say it with me, DESCRIBES IT. A bunch of overblown table spots follow. I don’t care either. So since Justin is having his head handed to him, I’m more or less counting down the time until the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY comeback that gives Justin the win. Cyrus finds Fonzie annoying. That’s very amusing. Justin is bleeding fairly badly.

A kendo stick shot gets two but Sabu has his foot on the ropes. Ok, so legally binding documents aren’t legal, but the ropes are. Got it. That’s Incredible gets two. Fonzie slides in a chair but it hits Sabu in the head. Nice one. BAD looking tombstone (That’s Incredible) on the chair ends it.

Rating: D-. The only word that came to my mind here was meh. I just totally did not care here for a few reasons. One, it’s Justin Credible. Two, you bring Sabu back to have him job? What sense does that make? The match was sloppy as all goodness and just bad. Didn’t like this at all, mainly due to the idiotic booking as Heyman continues to insist that Justin is some ring god.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did.

That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this. Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz. Yeah this was a total secret right? Awesome hits a sweet Tope (Taker Dive) to the floor to take Tanaka down. This is your standard solid match with these two. Naturally chairs and tables are brought into play but you have to expect that in ECW. Tanaka hits a Tornado DDT on a chair for two.

And Tanaka gets powerbombed over the top to the floor through a table. Top rope splash follows that for two. Ok then. Tanaka no sells three LOUD chair shots and this Diamond Dust which is an awesome move. It’s table time again with Awesome in control again. Awesome hits a top rope powerbomb for the pin. Yeah that works but a chair shot to the head from the top doesn’t? Taz hands him the belt after the match. The roster says goodbye to Taz as no one cares about Axl Rotten. The fans loving Taz now is kind of stupid. Taz tells them to chant for Awesome. Nice touch there.

Rating: B. Usual good stuff here from these two, but at times the no selling gets annoying. Still though, this was a shock to some people and it was a nice touch throwing Awesome in there as people knew Taz was losing, so here we didn’t know who was leaving with the belt. This was good.

Raven is hanging out by a swing and runs down the majority of the feud between him and Dreamer. The “It’s Tommy’s” line gets me every time. And no, I’m not running down that whole feud. The thing was excellent though. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at the moment. Raven says he let Dreamer beat him that night. This is the Raven that everyone loved and he was awesome. He quotes Keyser Soze. How awesome is that?

Gertner comes out to interrupt the announcer and the crowd pops. And here are Francine and Dreamer. Man in the Box is always awesome so I can’t complain. To get it over with, the Dudleys were leaving and Dreamer stood up to them. Raven ran in to be his partner and they won the tag titles. They hate each other though and Dreamer is hurt badly so Raven is making him wrestle until he’s crippled.

Simple in a way I guess. Dreamer says he won’t be cutting a babyface promo. And cue the babyface promo. He’s going to wrestle no matter what the doctors say. And here’s Corino so I’d bet we’re getting a tag title match. Ok never mind as it’s a singles match with Rhino. Pay no attention to the fact that they said there would be a tag title match later tonight with these three and Raven which is inevitable. Yeah I’m not even counting this as a match because Raven is just killing time before he gets here. They’re just wasting time and HERE’S Raven.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino/Rhino

Jack Victory, the sidekick of Corino and Rhino comes in to help and a double DDT ends this about 12 seconds after Raven gets there.

Rating: N/A. Can someone tell me when the match ended and when it started?

Mancow, some annoying DJ that had TWO WCW PPV matches comes out with some fat guys since we have a ton of time left. They do nothing other than high five Raven and leave. WOW.

Ad for November to Remember.

So with 35 minutes left in the tape there’s just RVD to go.

Axl Rotten comes out to talk. Seriously, why does this guy keep getting on PPV? He wants the shot at Awesome. Please come murder him. Instead it’s the Impact Players and a British guy named Johnny Smith. Apparently Smith vs. RVD is the main event. Rotten says the people are cheering for the women and not the talent.

Insert your Becca joke here. Balls Mahoney and Spike come in for the save and Dawn gets hit with an Acid Drop. Smith takes a BIG chair shot and leaves. So Balls gets the title shot instead. Oh dear.

ECW TV Title: Balls Mahoney vs. Rob Van Dam

And we have half an hour to go and this is the main event. Oh my goodness this could be painful. So we have Lynn who is obsessed with beating Van Dam and we get….Balls Mahoney vs. RVD. And people wonder why this company died. So Van Dam walks around for a few minutes to kill time. Wouldn’t a five minute match be a better use of time?

Oh that’s right: that army of jobbers had to be beaten up by New Jack instead of having a quick match. So with 25 minutes to go, NO ONE buys Mahoney having a prayer here. Seriously, they’re just blatantly wasting time now. I can’t get over Balls Mahoney main eventing a PPV. Seriously, no one cares about this match at all. All I’m doing is watching the clock on the player to wait until this is over.

Are those punches Balls throws supposed to be impressive or something? Van Dam hits a nice dive from the top into the crowd. And that ends anything interesting in this match. Seriously, the rest is more or less nothing but punches, kicks, chair shots and Balls doing moves he botches. This got TWENTY MINUTES.

Yeah I skipped a lot of the details here, but other than managing to kill an ECW crowd in a town like Chicago, this is the least interesting main event I can ever remember. Just terrible. A video package of the show fills in the final three minutes of the show.

Rating: F. Balls Mahoney main evented a PPV. That should be a meme somewhere for EPIC FAIL.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t completely terrible. There are some good matches here, but good night the stuff that sucked was sucking hard. The opener and world title match were both very solid but the rest is completely forgettable. The three way cruiserweight match was fine for what it was but it’s been done WAY too much for me to care again. Not completely terrible, but nothing worth seeing. Storm and Lynn and the title match are good though.

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

And follow me on Twitter @kbreviews