Due to Eve screwing over Ryder. Did he put Steph’s kids in a blender? It must be something like that.

Thuggin N Buggin vs. REALLY FREAKING BORINGIn case you can’t remember, it’s Teddy with Santino (Captain)/Kofi/R-Truth/Booker T/Ryder/Khali vs. Johnny with Otunga (Captain)/Christian/McIntyre/Henry/Swagger/Miz.

This has basically been the fun team vs. the serious team.  The winner gets to control both shows and for the life of me I can’t imagine that Johnny’s boys go down here.  The talk on the shows would imply that Eve costs Ryder’s team the match.  On the other hand there’s a possibility that someone is going to turn (no idea who) and cost his team the match.  I’m surprised Alberto isn’t involved in this match but maybe he’ll interfere or something.  Either way though, I can’t imagine Teddy wins because Raw isn’t made for tag matches.

 

Thoughts/Predictions?

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2012
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show before Wrestlemania so I wouldn’t expect much in ring action tonight. They’re probably worried about potential injuries and that’s completely understandable. This is usually the least interesting show of the year and that’s ok because they have the biggest show of the year in less than a week. Let’s get to it.

Rock and Cena square off face to face tonight.

Booker T is here for commentary as well. They’re taping some matches for Smackdown tonight as well so that’s why he’s in the house.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan/Kane

Now there’s a different kind of heel team. Bryan kisses AJ before the match, making me very jealous of him. He starts with Orton who takes him down quickly for the circle stomp. Bryan comes back with some kicks and the moonsault out of the corner. Not that it matters as Orton takes him down with a clothesline for two. Off to Sheamus so Bryan bails out to Kane. This would be a pretty awesome pairing if it was 13 years ago for Kane.

They slug it out with Sheamus hitting a knee lift but Kane hits an elbow. Sheamus goes up for the top rope shoulder for two. Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross but goes after Bryan instead. Kane knocks him to the floor and Bryan hits the knee from the apron to take Sheamus down. We take a break and come back with Bryan holding Sheamus in a headlock. Everything breaks down quickly with Orton coming in and cleaning house. Kane gets rammed into the post but Bryan hits a baseball slide to take Orton out. Back in and Kane pounds on the now hurt Orton.

He hooks on a chinlock and then adds his side slam for two. Kane goes up and hits his clothesline before calling for the chokeslam. Orton snaps off a dropkick to block it and it’s a double tag to bring in Sheamus and Bryan. Sheamous pounds him down and hits the Irish Curse. The good guys knock Kane to the floor and Orton follows. RKO on the floor is countered and Orton goes into the post. AJ gets in the way of the Brogue Kick and Sheamus gets crotched. Kane chokeslams Sheamus and Bryan pins him at 11:40.

Rating: C. Just a standard main event tag here, but I’m not sure on Bryan getting the pin. Why have Sheamus look weak going into the title match when he hasn’t gotten a one up yet on Bryan? I think I get what they’re going for here but I would have had Sheamus get the pin on Bryan, if nothing else to give him some more momentum.

We get a clip from last year’s Mania with Rock hitting the Rock Bottom on Cena. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing about a thousand of these tonight.

Jerry talks about the Battle of the GM’s and Cole is in the ring in a Team Johnny shirt. He’s the official announcer of Johnny’s team. Here’s the team namesake who announces Vickie as the official flag bearer. Booker introduces Teddy who introduces

David Otunga vs. Santino Marella

Santino grabs a headlock to start but Otunga runs him over with a shoulder. Otunga runs him over again and grabs the Team Ace flag. Horny comes in and it’s a battle of the flags. This lets Santino load up the Cobra after Otunga hits himself in the head with the flag pole. Cobra ends this at 1:30. Tully Blanchard, Magnum TA, Chris Benoit, Santino Marella ladies and gentlemen.

Teddy and Santino abuse Ace post match, but Miz runs in to break up the Cobra, officially joining Team Ace. Johnny calls it Team Teddy but then corrects himself, because expecting him to remember his own name is too much for him in one take. No word on who the sixth man on Team Teddy is yet.

Rock and Cena challenge each other the night after Mania. I still don’t get why the Corre interfered.

Long video on HHH vs. Undertaker with Shawn on the side. Again I have to ask: they do know that HHH lost last year right?

Eve Torres vs. Kelly Kelly

Eve controls to start but ducks her head so Kelly can do her screaming headscissors. Moonsault misses and Kelly rolls her up for the pin at 2:31. Yes they gave it that much time.

Rock and Cena teamed together at Survivor Series. Still so stupid.

Christian vs. CM Punk

Before the match, Jericho pops up on screen and says he has some new information. Punk’s mom has no vices, but Punk was born before his parents were married, making him the definition of a bastard. Christian jumps Punk and lays him out, sending him to the floor. I never heard a bell so I don’t know if this is the match or not.

Punk goes off on Christian, ramming his head into the table and hitting the high kick followed by a TON of elbows to the side of his head. There’s a GTS onto the steps followed by an Anaconda Vice. Psycho Punk is working for me. Referees come outt o break it up but Punk jumps over them and puts the hold on again. No match obviously.

Video on Axxess.

Christian may have reinjured his neck so there’s a chance he won’t be at Mania.

Brodus Clay vs. Curt Hawkins

I really hope Brodus is the last member of Team Teddy. He needs something to do. Hawkins takes Brodus down at the knee and hits a bulldog for one. Jerry keeps calling him Curtis. Headbutt to the stomach and a right hand to the same place set up a knee lift, the t-bone suplex and What The Funk ends this at 1:08.

Rock and Cena have had a war of words. This is confined to the last month or so.

Big Show vs. Primo

Christian is officially out of the GM match on Sunday. Chokeslam ends this in 47 seconds. This is my big complaint with WWE lately: why did this need to be one of the tag champions? Why in the world could this not be say, JTG?

Cody comes out and makes fun of Big Show post match. You know the drill here I’m sure.

Lord Tensai is coming.

The Bellas argue about Johnny vs. Teddy. Ryder comes up and gets on their nerves. They leave and Eve comes up. She sweet talks him again and asks what hotel Ryder will be at. She invites him for a visit after Wrestlemania.

Punk says ask Christian how he’s feeling. What Jericho said about his father is true, but the stuff about his sister and mom isn’t. He’s not a bastard. He’s the best wrestler in the world. Big pop for that.

Great Khali vs. Mark Henry

Drew McIntyre is replacing Christian. Both GM’s distract their opponents. Khali chops him a lot but the World’s Strongest Slam ends this in 50 seconds.

Post match Ace throws Teddy in to Henry and waves out Team Johnny to block the entrance. Henry takes forever to do anything until Kofi breaks through, using part of Team Teddy for a springboard….and he jumps right into the World’s Strongest Slam to take him out. World’s Strongest Slam to Teddy is loaded up but Booker makes the save. So he’s the last member of Team Teddy? Seriously? With EVERYONE they could pick, Booker T is the last member? He accepts the spot and we get a Spinarooni.

Here’s Rock for the final sell for Wrestlemania. Rock talks about how ever since Wrestlemania XX, everyone has asked him when he’s coming back. He was told to drop his pants, turn his head and cough, then asked when he’s coming back. Then he told his dentist that he wasn’t dropping his pants. His dentist is freaky that way. Betty White offered him pie for the answer and he declined.

It was last year at Wrestlemania in Georgia (pop) when he decided. The next night he knew he had to do it and it was because of the people. There’s only one man that the millions want to see Rock face and that’s John Cena. Mostly heat on Cena after the name drop there. Rock talks about how Rock’s last Wrestlemania match was the same night as Cena’s first, and since then Cena has become a huge star. However, he’s never faced anyone like the Rock.

Cue Cena who says that Rock is half right: Rock is never going to face someone like Cena. Rock may be the best trash talker ever, because he brought Cena’s mom into things. He may be a great trash talker, but he’s not the first. There was a ten year gap in which everyone has talked trash about John Cena. The fans start the dueling chant (Rock isn’t mentioned) and Cena says the words of the chant. Everyone has turned their back on the WWE Universe, except Cena, who rises above and wins.

That right there is what gets to the fans that hate Cena: they give him their best and he keeps coming. As much as they hate him, they know he’s going to win at Wrestlemania. He knows they hate it, but they know it’s true. Cena has some stats for Rock. Cena has been in the WWE longer than Rock. Rock was here during the Attitude Era when things were awesome, but Cena was here when it wasn’t cool to be a WWE Superstar. He’s the one that beats the WWE drum and says he loves to be here. No matter how much you hear it, everyone knows he means it.

That’s why Cena has to win on Sunday. No matter what happens, Rock is staring in G.I. Joe this summer. It’s going to make him an even bigger star. But after Wrestlemania, the WWE is still Cena’s life. Rock is just standing there taking all this. Cena says he’s not going to let a visitor come in here and take his life from him. Cena has to win because no one remembers second place. This is all he’s got and he has to win it.

Now Rock says that it’s important to Cena. Cena was talking about the people. Rock isn’t a visitor to WWE. He built this house that Cena lives in now. Rock says the fans know that there’s never been an opponent Cena can’t overcome….until now. The fans know that Rock has come back to beat Cena. No one has ever been able to say that he’s walked into Wrestlemania and beaten Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and John Cena. Rock needs to beat Cena to become the best of all time. That’s on a professional level.

On a personal level, Rock just doesn’t like him. In six days, Rock is going to give Cena the beating of a lifetime and everyone knows it. Cena says that’s a fine speech, but it doesn’t matter what the Rock thinks. He’s going to put this in terms Rock can understand. On April 1, Rock will be able to see Cena, because he’ll be the one standing over Rock with his hand raised. And that’s it.

Overall Rating: C+. Here’s the thing: if you came into this show expecting ANYTHING but a big commercial for Wrestlemania, I have no idea what’s wrong with you but you missed the point. This was all about hyping the show and the wrestling was there as an afterthought. However, this was much more entertaining than most of the Raws like this over the last few years, because there was ONE match to point towards. Even HHH vs. Taker (where were they anyway?) pales in comparison to Rock vs. Cena. I could see how people would find this boring, and I’d say they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Results
Daniel Bryan/Kane b. Sheamus/Randy Orton – Bryan pinned Sheamus after a chokeslam from Kane
Santino Marella b. David Otunga – Cobra
Kelly Kelly b. Eve Torres – Rolling Cradle
Brodus Clay b. Curt Hawkins – What The Funk
Big Show b. Primo – Chokeslam
Mark Henry b. Great Khali – World’s Strongest Slam

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Smackdown
Date: March 23, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re closing in on Wrestlemania even more now and the main event tonight is, you guessed it, another tag match. For some reason Miz is in this match instead of Jericho, teaming with Bryan to face Punk/Sheamus. I don’t get that: why not have all four of them in the same match? Either way, having Sheamus and Bryan in the same ring is a good thing as they need all the help they can get at this point. Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the Indiana Hoosiers. They need to be eliminated.

Here are AJ and Bryan to open the show. Good heat on the champ here. Bryan celebrates before saying anything else. AJ is asked what’s so great about being Bryan’s girlfriend. He has soft lips, he caresses her and sometimes they spoon. She calls him Danny and gets corrected before going into a list of his better traits. Being a vegan is a good thing. She isn’t as thrilled about this batch of them. Most importantly AJ feels safe. Bryan whispers something to her to say and she says it’s a little personal. He says say it, so AJ says he’s a great lover. Oh and he’ll keep the title at Wrestlemania.

Bryan starts a cheer for himself but here’s Sheamus. They’ve at least been having these two interact a bit which has been a plus. Sheamus says he threw up in his mouth a bit back there listening to this. He makes fun of the soft lips stuff and says he doesn’t want to go there, but he does want to go to Wrestlemania. Sheamus calls him Danny which is corrected and also starts a chant. He calls Bryan Danny Boy which doesn’t sit well with the champ either. “If you don’t like that, you’ll hate being called the former World Heavyweight Champion.” Sheamus says he’ll kick Bryan’s teeth down his throat. I liked this a lot.

R-Truth vs. Mark Henry

Truth hammers away which works about as well as any other attacks by average sized men on monsters. Truth gets knocked down by a headbutt and is sent to the floor. Henry crushes Truth’s head against the steps and they go back inside. Henry misses an elbow drop and Truth hits a seated dropkick and a low DDT for one. Truth goes up and jumps into the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:59. Total squash. Team Johnny wins again. I know they’re winning at the PPV but at least make it look possible. Please?

Big Show vs. Kane again tonight.

We get what might be a first: the debut of a Hall of Fame announcement on Smackdown. It’s Yokozuna. No issues with that. Mil Mascaras is mentioned as going in with this class, which I believe is the first time that’s been mentioned on WWE TV.

We get a clip from Raw of Ryder’s rally and cut to Team Teddy in Long’s office. Teddy says he needs more convincing so Horny comes in with a Team Teddy flag. He’s the official mascot of the team now. Khali comes in wearing Ryder gear and says Woo Woo Woo You Know It. Ryder and Khali are on the team now. Well it’s better than no appearance at all. His stuff with Kane and Cena is never going to be mentioned again is it?

AJ vs. Brie Bella

AJ is the home state girl being from Jersey. An inset interview from the Bellas has them talking about how Brie doesn’t want Nikki’s advice because Nikki lost last week. Booker apologizes for one of his statements about AJ recently. Which statement that is he doesn’t list but whatever. Brie controls to start and stomps away at AJ. Bryan’s advice: do better. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly broken. AJ hooks a Fujiwara Armbar and a decent one. Nikki gets up on the apron to distract AJ but Brie rams into Nikki and is rolled up for the pin at 2:48.

Post match we find out that Brie is Team Teddy and Nikki is Team Johnny. Brie leads a T-E-D-D-Y cheer. That’s just what this feud needed: THE BELLAS!

Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder

Apparently Lillian legitimately screwed up the entrance and called Ryder “The Long Island Iced Z, Jack Swagger.” The fans are WAY into Ryder. They better be careful or he’ll get sent down to NXT. He controls to start and hammers on Swagger but Jack moves out of the way in the corner. Swagger uses almost a judo throw to take Ryder down and throws on a top wristlock.

Ryder gets his knees up in the corner and starts his comeback. He slams Swagger’s face into the mat and hits the Broski Boot for two. Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb followed by it’s Vader cousin for two. Horny chases Vickie onto the apron and the distraction allows the Rough Ryder to get the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C-. I’m glad to see Ryder get his win back but it’s negated by the general annoyance factor brought on by Hornswoggle being out there. That guy gets annoying fast. Anyway, decent match and it’s good to see Ryder back and winning matches (mostly) clean. Him getting on Mania will be good too, even though he’ll be on the losing team.

We get a clip from Monday of Cody attacking Big Show.

Earlier today, Cody says he’s been enjoying embarrassing Big Show lately. The biggest embarrassment is going to be at Mania though. Knucklehead 2 perhaps? Cody leaves, saying he has a plane to catch. Then why did you come to the arena?

Big Show vs. Kane

Show starts off fast and runs over Kane. He hammers away and Kane bails to the floor. Kane sends Show into the post and hits the low dropkick back in the ring. Kane hooks a chinlock but Show gets up and they clothesline each other. Show gets up and starts pounding on Kane but the big fried freak comes back with a DDT for two. Kane goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. Cody runs in for the DQ at 3:45.

Rating: D. This continues to be nothing. These two never have clicked at all so keeping it short like this was probably the best idea. Cody running in was pretty obvious as he did the same thing on Monday. I guess they were out of stuff to do in this feud so they’re just having Cody cost Show matches, even though he gave him a win here.

Show chases Rhodes into the crowd. Orton comes in and RKOs Kane.

Same anti-bullying video from Raw.

Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater

Brodus is in green tonight. Notice that the announcers have stopped seeming to have a blast when he comes out. It’s like they’ve been told to cool it or something. Slater dropkicks the knee out and hits an enziguri, perhaps becoming the first person to ever cover Brodus. Brodus comes back with his usual and the splash ends this in 1:24. This guy needs a feud in the worst way. Throw him on Team Teddy if nothing else.

Ryder runs into Eve in the back and they say they’re both going to Wrestlemania. Zack says she’s beautiful and smart, which Eve takes as an insult because she thinks Ryder sounds like it was a recent development. She storms off, saying their dinner is off. This is going to go on for a long time isn’t it?

Raw ReBound is about the three way talking session that didn’t say anything new from the end of Raw.

Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

Christian is on commentary. Cole again points out how one sided the team situation is and how serious one side is while how goofy the other is. Christian gets a text from Johnny, who is all of 8 feet from him. Khali throws Ziggler around and chops him down. Ziggler gets in a shot and hammers away as Booker argues with Booker. Christian wants Cole to be Team Johnny’s mascot. Khali comes back with his array of clotheslines but the chop misses. Sleeper goes on and Ace rings the bell at 2:42, Montreal style. Yep, that just happened.

Teddy says hang on a minute and restarts it. Ziggler is given to ten to get back in and doesn’t get back in. Santino and Kofi throw him in anyway and Khali chops him down. I’m already sick of this feud because there are SO many people in it and there are still two more to be added.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan

Is there any logical reason for Jericho not to be in this? Sheamus and Bryan start but Bryan immediately tags out. Sheamus takes over with a headlock and clothesline and it’s time for Punk. The slingshot shoulder brings Sheamus back in and gets two. Irish Curse gets two. Sheamus pulls Bryan in but the distraction lets Miz knock him to the floor and Bryan adds a knee to the head as we take a break.

Back with Miz kicking Sheamus in the head and putting on a chinlock. A backdrop gets Sheamus out of trouble and he makes the tag to Punk. The champ comes in with a springboard clothesline and the running knee/bulldog combo takes Miz down. He loads up the Macho Elbow but Bryan distracts him down. Miz hits the low DDT for two and it’s time for champion vs. champion.

Bryan chokes Punk out and we get a Danny Boy chant. Booker says Miz has been surpassed by his former pupil. Miz gets in a shot to the back to keep Punk from getting momentum and then adds a kneelift for two. Punk takes Miz down and there’s the tag, resulting in Bryan running for his life. Sheamus cleans house and hits the forearms to the chest of Bryan. The Brogue Kick kills Miz at 6:43 shown of 10:13.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t really into this one because the ending could be seen coming a mile away. Bryan running from Sheamus is kind of interesting I guess because it’s the story of his title reign, but I’m hoping at Mania that he finally gets caught. Other than that, nothing to see here because Punk has no reason to want to fight either of his opponents here.

Overall Rating: C. This was an ok show and that’s about it. They’re in full on Mania push mode at this point and that can become a problem. Much like Raw, there’s not much to see on these shows because the PPV has been set for weeks now. Not a bad show or anything, but other than Ryder and Khali being added to Team Teddy, there’s nothing here that’s new material.

Results
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World’s Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz

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