Take No Prisoners
Date: May 11, 2019
Location: Logan Square Auditorium, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Tyler Volz, Marty DeRosa

This time for sure! This is from AAW and I’ve been trying to do a show from this promotion for months now. Due to one reason or another (show being taken down, time, etc.), I’ve never actually been able to pull it off but this time I’m getting this thing done. It’s another promotion I don’t know much about other than some of the roster so I’m coming in blind again. Let’s get to it.

The announcers welcome us to the show but here’s Jimmy Jacobs to interrupt and remind us that he’s a genius. He doesn’t like the idea of a scramble match to open the show because he’s too awesome for that. Jacobs wants what he deserves but here’s Mance Warner to interrupt. The fight is on with Jacobs bailing to the floor before a lariat can connect, which is a lot better than taking an eye poke.

Opening sequence, which looks like a regular TV intro.

Jake Something vs. Air Wolf vs. Trey Miguel

Trey, in an eye patch, has the referee hold the ropes open and then jumps over the top in a rather nice jerk move. Miguel is told to take the patch off and yells about it but uses the distraction to chop both of them in the chest. Those have no effect and Miguel seems to know that he’s screwed up. A handshake to Jake gets him taken to the mat and Trey has to avoid a charge. Jake charges Wolf into the corner so Trey and Wolf start some double teaming to send him outside.

Wolf flips Miguel down and hits a chop, followed by a dropsault to Miguel and onto Jake on the floor. Back in and Wolf gets caught in a hanging DDT out of the corner from Jake, who gets dropped by a top rope Meteora from Trey. Jake gets caught in a Cheeky Nandos kick from Wolf, who is superkicked down, allowing Trey to hit his own superkick. A top rope seated senton hits Jake….who no sells it and grabs a Batista Bomb for two on Miguel. That leaves Wolf against the monster and it’s a sitout Boss Man Slam to give Jake the pin at 6:55.

Rating: C. I’ve only seen a little from Jake before so this was quite the impression making match for him. He looked like a powerhouse out there and beat up both guys without much effort, which is exactly what they were going for. Miguel seemed to be quite the jerk but didn’t get the chance to do much. Wolf was his usual pretty good self, though aside from one match against Fenix, I haven’t seen the big breakout match from him yet.

TJP is ready to tour the indies and is ready to debut against Myron Reed.

Clayton Gainz vs. Kris Statlander

Gainz, with Ace Austin, is rather muscular and Statlander is an alien who I can’t get away from these days. The much bigger Gainz shoves her down and laughs when Kris tries a German suplex. A big boot gives Gainz two and some choking on the ropes is good for the same. Gainz loads up the bicep pose and gets rolled up for two before shoving Kris down again.

Kris comes back up with forearms and a Matrish, followed by some running forearms in the corner. Austin gets knocked down and a release German suplex gets two on Gainz. Back up and Kris catches him on top for an electric chair faceplant, only to walk into a sitout slam. Hold on though as Gainz needs some water, allowing Kris to roll him up for the surprise pin at 5:54.

Rating: D. They telegraphed the heck out of that ending and the match wasn’t much to see before then. It was a simple story of Gainz beating her up for four minutes, Kris getting in a little offense, and then the fluke pin. You could feel that coming at the start of the match and it felt like something that has been done several times before.

Maxwell Jacob Friedman, the Heritage Champion, says he’s been talking to Cody and the backstage interviewer is NOT a good fit for AEW. He’ll be debuting a new title tonight.

Adam Brooks vs. Josh Alexander

Alexander is part of the North in Impact. Brooks flips out of a test of strength and grabs a headlock before standing on Alexander’s hands. That earns him a trip into the corner and an enziguri, followed by a nice backbreaker for two. A half nelson backbreaker into a reverse suplex gets the same as the fans are rather pleased with Alexander so far. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Alexander takes him back down into another one.

A Downward Spiral into the middle buckle slows Alexander down and a tornado DDT gives Brooks two. Alexander backdrops him down and slaps on the ankle lock, with Brooks not being able to kick him off. Instead Alexander hits a powerbomb for two more but a tiger driver is broken up. Brooks hits a reverse hurricanrana and it’s a springboard Canadian Destroyer onto the apron, because something on the apron is required these days.

The Fosbury Flop over the barricade drops Alexander again and the Meteora (of course) gets two. Brooks’ Swanton hits Alexander’s knees though and it’s a backbreaker onto the apron to make things even worse. Back in and a Jay Driller gives Alexander two, followed by the spinning Tombstone to put Brooks away at 8:01.

Rating: B-. Nice stuff here with both guys beating the heck out of each other and trading one big move after another. The problem with that though is the lack of psychology or flow to the match, though at least the moves did build to some bigger ones at the end. The Jay Driller not getting the pin was a bit much though, but that happens in most indy matches.

Statlander picks through a nutrition bar and hands it to the interviewer without saying anything. She hides under a chair and looks at the camera, saying that humans are weak and aliens deserve gold.

Rascalz vs. Besties In The World

It’s Dezmond Xavier and Zachary Wentz for the Rascalz here. The Besties are Davey Vega and Mat Fitchett and they’re very, very close friends (and in answer to your next question….it’s not clear). Either way, they’re very popular, though it might just be due to having Truly Madly Deeply as their theme song. The Rascalz, heels here, break up the entrance and STOP THE SONG and it’s already time to beat up Fitchett.

The shoved standing moonsault gets two with Vega having to make the save. That earns Vega a series of superkicks but he’s fine enough to send both Rascalz outside. The suicide dive sends both of them over the barricade so Fitchett dives onto both of them again. A bell shot to the head slows Fitchett down though and Wentz rings it on Fitchett’s ankle for a bonus. The ankle is fine enough for the Besties to double team Wentz against the barricade, followed by a running boot to Xavier’s face back inside.

A double Flatliner gets two but a Wentz distraction lets Xavier fight back. The Rascalz’ hit a backbreaker/double stomp combination for two on Fitchett and Dezmond adds a moonsault kick to the head. Vega catches Dezmond on top but he’s fine enough to hit the Final Flash to break up a cover on Wentz. All four slowly get up and slug it out with the Rascalz getting the better of it. The shove moonsault hits knees and Vega small packages Wentz, only to have Trey Miguel run in and shove it over to give Wentz the pin at 10:34.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure how well that ending should hold up but at least they had a fun match on the way there. I could have gone for more of the tagging part of the tag team wrestling but that’s the kind of thing you just get used to these days. The Rascalz are rather fun though and the Besties are better when they crank it up, but at least we had a good match. It’s strange seeing the Rascalz as heels, though I could get used to it.

Post match the beatdown is on with Wentz calling out LAX for their Tag Team Titles.

Josh Alexander says he’s back for the AAW Title and he’ll be here every time until he gets it back.

Myron Reed vs. TJ Perkins

Reed regularly works in MLW and while he’s quite good despite being a bit small. They go to the mat to start for an exchange of near falls until Reed slips up for a standoff. Perkins offers a handshake so Reed dabs at him in a callback to Perkins’ time in WWE. A headscissors works better for Perkins but Reed reverses into one of his own. That’s broken up with the handstand into the bouncing escape and Perkins gets to pose a bit.

Perkins spins around the ropes and gets some near falls off a rollup. With that not working, Perkins grabs the hand and slaps on a Sharpshooter, which is switched into a Muta Lock for a sweet transition. Reed escapes a pair of backslide attempts and waves a finger at Perkins, which isn’t likely to be a good idea. For some reason the referee catches Reed’s kick, allowing Perkins to get that backslide for two.

Reed is fine enough to send Perkins outside for a dive and a slingshot Codebreaker gets two more. Perkins is right back with a springboard crossbody to send Reed to the floor, setting up the slingshot dropkick. Back in and a curb stomp gets two on Reed, who comes back with a springboard cutter. A springboard 450 hits raised knees though and Perkins gets in the kneebar. That’s switched into an STF but Reed gets over to the rope. Stundog Millionaire drops Perkins but Reed can’t follow up, meaning Perkins is up first. Perkins snaps off a hurricanrana, which Reed reverses into a sunset flip for the pin at 12:23.

Rating: B. I liked this one quite a bit as both of them were moving around very well with some very fast paced offense. Perkins is someone who can have a good match with just about anyone and Reed got a great rub here. I could go for more of both of these two and Reed has impressed me so far in MLW.

Post match, Perkins raises Reed’s hand for a nice moment.

The Rascalz are willing to give the Besties a rematch, but the Tag Team Titles are theirs because they carry the company. Wentz drops a lot of F bombs.

Heritage Title: Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. Mance Warner

Warner, who comes out to Simple Man, is challenging for the midcard title. For those who haven’t seen him, Warner, is a very southern wrestler with some great charisma and an affinity for light beers and eye pokes. The fans throw toilet paper at Friedman, which seems to get on his nerves. Friedman pulls out his own version of the Heritage Title, which looks like a pretty standard title.

However, Friedman doesn’t think a wrestler like him should have to wrestle a man like Warner, so he has an offer. If Warner will lay down right now, he can have a job with AEW. Warner could be the next Ice Train, Roadblock, or MIKE ENOS of AEW! Warner thinks about it and then headbutts Friedman in the face to start things off.

The beating is on and Warner STEALS THE SCARF before biting Friedman’s fingers. The champ bails to the floor so Warner loads up a dive, which turns into an eye poke instead. They’re quickly on the floor and then in the balcony for some teased attempted murder. That doesn’t last so they head back to the ring where Warner’s chair shot gets two. Friedman sends him face first into the chair though and it’s time to get down to some more basic wrestling.

That earns him some face first rams into the buckle and it’s time to punch Friedman in the face. An elbow to the head gets two but the running knee is countered into a Boston crab to put Warner in trouble. That’s broken up so Warner hits a DDT and a running knee to the head gets two. With Friedman down, Warner takes about a minute to find a door underneath the ring. The ref gets bumped as Warner hits the lariat, because that happens in the indies as well. Cue Jimmy Jacobs to wrap a chair around Warner’s head and hit it with a kendo stick so Friedman can retain at 11:55.

Rating: C+. I like both guys so this was a fun one with a story that made sense and worked quite well. Warner has all kinds of charisma and Friedman is one of the best heels (and promos) in wrestling today. This was good stuff and I can go with Friedman having to survive to retain the title. I could go for more of this and that’s because they’re both very good at what they do.

Heritage Title: Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. Jake Something

Friedman is defending again and immediately starts backtracking because of their history together. Jake calls him an f****** coward and we’re off in a hurry. The spear finishes Friedman to give Jake the title at 34 seconds.

The Besties in the World are mad because one of them has a bruise on his face before he and his wife (ah there we go) go to Mexico. They want their rematch in Austin, Texas.

Thunder Rosa is back from Japan and wants her Women’s Title back.

Here’s Armando Alejandro Estrada (his name here as well) to talk about being a family man. His daughters are just like everyone: they live at home with their family. He’s here to represent the man going straight to the top: Jacob Fatu (Umaga’s nephew).

Jacob Fatu vs. Ace Romero

Romero is a huge guy who weighs just shy of 400lbs and is a crowd favorite. Fatu jumps him before the bell (I think) and sends Ace into the post. Romero is busted open and it’s time for some chair shots to the back. The referee calls it off because of the cut so we need a replacement.

Jacob Fatu vs. Paco

Paco is rather small and slugs away to start to limited effect. A high crossbody is a bad idea as well as Fatu catches him in a Samoan drop for the pin at 40 seconds. Are they running out of time and need to fill in everything they can?

Hang on though as Romero is back and the original match is on.

Ace Romero vs. Jacob Fatu

Romero sends him into the barricade and hits a running charge, which RAISES THE BARRICADE a good six feet in the air, which I’ve never seen before. They get inside so Romero can pelt a chair at Fatu’s head, sending him back outside. That means the big old suicide dive and the fans are way into Romero again. Back in and Fatu hits a superkick, followed by the running Umaga attack in the corner. Romero is too big to be Samoan dropped so it’s a spinning Rock Bottom for two instead.

Fatu loads up some chairs in some corners and another blasts Romero in the head. The Samoan drop doesn’t work again as Fatu falls face first onto the chair. Romero makes his comeback with a running dropkick and a sitout powerbomb gets two. A missed charge sends Romero head first into one of the chairs, setting up the Samoan drop. Fatu drops a Swanton for the pin at 7:32.

Rating: C-. Romero moves well for a star but it’s clear that he can only do so much without various shortcuts. Fatu on the other hand is one of the best prospects I’ve seen in a long time. He’s a guy with the size of Umaga and a level of athleticism that you would never expect from someone who looks like him. The facials and charisma are great bonuses and it’s a matter of time before he gets signed by one of the major companies.

Mance Warner wants Jimmy Jacobs in any match Jacobs wants.

Sami Callihan is sick but he’s ready to take out David Starr and keep the World Title.

Women’s Title: Jessika Havok vs. Thunder Rosa

Rosa is challenging and Havok….is a face? That’s certainly a new one. Some dancing disrobing means Rosa is ready to go so Havok sits her on top. That means a hip swivel into a failed sunset flip attempt as Rosa is trying to use the speed here. A missed charge in the corner doesn’t slow Havok down that much as Rosa dives into a chokeslam. Havok lifts her up into a full nelson before dropping her down, where Rosa taps for no meaning. The big leg misses so Rosa hits a running Downward Spiral for two.

It’s off to the bearhug though with Havok dropping down into something like a reverse Bubba Bomb for two of her own. Rosa fires off kicks to the leg and a dropkick to the leg cuts the champ down. Havok drives her into the corner again but a top rope hurricanrana sends Havok into the other corner. A running dropkick gives Rosa two and a missile dropkick is good for the same. The Black Widow is countered into a Tombstone though and Rosa is done at 9:57.

Rating: C+. Rosa was tiny next to the monster champ but they made it work well enough here. More time would have helped though as Havok just caught her without much effort in the end. What we had was good though and the announcers made the women’s division seem like a big deal.

Estrada and Fatu want better competition and if that means the World Title, so be it.

David Starr does not like Sami Callihan, who is the worst thing about wrestling today. Tonight, he’s showing that AAW is truly independent.

Lucha Bros vs. Team Tremendous

Team Tremendous, Dan Barry and Bill Carr, are a pair of detectives. I’ve seen them before and haven’t been overly impressed so hopefully they change things up here. They spend a lot of time yelling at each other before finally getting ready to go. Pentagon and Dan start things off and it’s more yelling with Dan trying some Spanish. A superkick finally drops Dan so Bill comes in for a hurricanrana as everything breaks down in a hurry.

We settle down to the big Carr slamming Fenix and dropping a big leg, with Barry making sure to hold the legs. Something that looked like a Magic Killer is broken up with a headscissors and the way too early hot tag brings in Pentagon for the rapid fire double teaming. Barry escapes the spike Fear Factor so it’s a reverse Razor’s Edge/running cutter combination for two on Pentagon instead.

The Bros are back up with a double superkick so Carr clotheslines them both down for a breather. Fenix is back up with the top rope double stomp to drive Carr into the apron. The Pentagon Driver gets two on Barry and the electric chair/Sliced Bread combination for the same on Pentagon. Since Pentagon doesn’t sell for very long, he’s back up with a Canadian Destroyer to Carr. That means the Black Fire Driver to finish Barry at 9:50.

Rating: C+. It was fun while it lasted, which seems to be the subtitle of most of the matches on this show. What mattered most here though was having the Lucha Bros around, as they’re some of the best talents in the world right now. Is there any surprise that AEW wanted them as one of the focal points of the division? Team Tremendous….yeah still not feeling it.

Post match Fenix puts over AAW and Chicago, saying you can do whatever you want. Pentagon thanks AAW as well because they’re out of here (not mentioned of course).

Jimmy Jacobs tells Mance Warner to bring it.

AAW Title: David Starr vs. Sami Callihan

Starr is challenging and has Jake Something in his corner. Sami on the other hand has a suited hype man who looks like Joey Mercury. They lock up against the ropes to start as the fans are all over Callihan’s home state of Ohio. Starr wants to fight and lays down on the mat so Sami will come to him. That goes well for Starr, who has quite the amateur background. They take turns going after the arm before Callihan drives him up against the ropes again.

Hang on though as Sami needs to head to the floor and walk into the crowd for a bit. Back in and Starr gets a series of near falls off a series of rollups and Callihan is looking frustrated. A quick belly to back suplex gets Sami out of trouble and it’s off to w neck crank. Back up and a rolling kick to the ribs drops Callihan and it’s time to start in on the champ’s legs.

Starr sends him to the apron for a springboard clothesline but Callihan is ready for the dive. That means a chair to Starr’s head and some hard chops to the chest. The run around the ring takes too long though (because Sami is running around the ring) and Starr catches him with a superkick. Back in and Sami gets two off a top rope superplex before it’s off to the chinlock. The comeback is on with Starr unloading in the corner, followed by a low superkick.

The Downward Spiral gets two on the champ and Sami falls out to the floor. You don’t do that in an indy match so Starr nails the suicide dive. You also don’t come back in as Sami grabs a hanging swinging neckbreaker (or something close to it) for two of his own. Some clotheslines send Starr outside but he’s right back in with a running clothesline of his own. This one misses completely though and Starr slams his head into the bottom rope to knock himself silly.

A running knee to the head sets up a powerbomb into an STF but Starr makes the rope. Starr can barely stand but manages a heck of a shot to the face. Sami spits at him so Starr is right back with a brainbuster onto the knee for a hot two. The old Edgecator has Sami tapping, but the lackey has the referee. Starr lets him go….and Jake turns on Starr to knock him cold. Sami adds the Cactus Special and wins WITH A CHINLOCK at 26:00.

Rating: B. This was entertaining for the most part but it never really hit a high level that they were probably looking for. Jake turning on him felt like a big deal and will probably set up a big Jake vs. Starr match down the road. Sami feels like a major heel champion so whoever eventually gets to beat him should be an important moment. Fine main event, but nothing that you need to see.

Post match Sami says he is AAW and professional wrestling.

Overall Rating: B-. It wasn’t great and it’s not some must see show but I’ve seen far worse shows than this. The show felt like a bigger indy company with a lot of action, though trimming a match or two off and letting some others have more time would have made for a better night. What we got was rather good though with only one match I wouldn’t call at least pretty good. At the same time though, nothing was great and none of the matches stood out. I liked the show well enough though and given how bad some of the Wrestlemania weekend shows were, I can take a good up and down indy card.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Does Funny = Money?
Date: April 3, 2019
Location: Rahway Recreation Center, Rahway, New Jersey
Commentators: David Sturchill, McKenzie Mitchell

This is from WrestlePro, a promotion I’ve heard about before but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full show. From the description, it seems like it’s going to be a comedy show and that’s appropriate given that it’s the first show of Wrestlemania weekend. Hopefully the show has some redeeming value to it, but I’m not getting my hopes up. Let’s get to it.

As usual: I have no idea what’s going on around here so if I miss storyline/character stuff, I apologize in advance.

The host tries to introduce the first match but McKenzie Mitchell (former Impact backstage interviewer) interrupts. She thinks the host needs a co-host and a fan poll convinces him to let her.

Bobby Wayward vs. Kikutaro

Kikutaro is a Japanese comedy guy in a weird looking mask. Wayward takes him up against the ropes for a clean break and Kikutaro applauds his politeness. Kikutaro does the same and it’s off to an exchange of shoulders. Some armdrags into an armbar has Wayward in trouble until he pulls Kikutaro throat first into the top rope. Hang on though as Kikutaro wants time out. Ever the scoundrel, Wayward stomps him down anyway as the slow pace continues.

With nothing else working, Kikutaro whips the referee into Wayward in the corner. The low blow behind the referee’s back has Wayward in more trouble but he’s fine enough to do the same to Kikutaro. There’s a low blow to the referee as well and everyone is grabbing….yeah. Kikutaro Hulks Up and gets kicked in the face to Hulk him back down. Wayward grabs a fisherman’s suplex for two but the referee collapses before three. The referee gets whipped into the corner but Kikutaro reverses it and the referee clotheslines Wayward. Now the referee DDTs him and a Shining Wizard gives Kikutaro the pin at 9:47.

Rating: D+. Oh I’m in for a long night. This wasn’t exactly my style of wrestling but that’s the point of the show so I should have known what I was getting myself into. Kikutaro doesn’t exactly make me laugh but having him beat up a villain like Wayward is about as good as you were going to get here.

Here’s Dan Lambert (American Top Team owner who showed up in Impact and was the best villain in the company for awhile) with Colby Covington (UFC Champion) and John Harnett to issue a challenge to the locker room. Wrestling today sucks so if Lambert wants to watch good wrestling, he’ll have to watch on YouTube. Lambert lists off some great wrestlers and the fans applaud, which isn’t the best way to go. He was told that WrestlePro was better but after what he’s seen, he knows that his instincts were right: today’s wrestling sucks. Cue Scarlett Bordeaux and we have an answer to the challenge.

Scarlett Bordeaux vs. John Harnett

Scarlett goes straight at him and slaps away in the corner, setting up a running hip attack. An over the back reverse kneeling piledriver finishes Harnett at 55 seconds. Well that proved the point well enough.

Post match Lambert shoves Scarlett down and pulls out a board but Scarlett spears Harnett through it instead.

Pat Buck vs. Santana Jackson

Buck is a big star around here and has a cage around his head. He’s also called the Buzzkiller because he’s beating anyone with any kind of buzz. Buck isn’t having any of Santana’s Michael Jackson dancing (REALLY bad timing with that one) so he tries a test of strength. That’s broken up with more dancing and a dancing top rope wristdrag ticks Buck off so badly that he fires off a clothesline. A spinning Tombstone makes it worse….but Jackson sits up as Thriller starts to play.

Jackson hits a Stunner into a dancing People’s Elbow but Buck gets serious. In something a little different, Jackson grabs Buck’s hand and makes him punch himself low, which technically isn’t illegal. The Moonwalk DDT gets two and Buck bails to the floor, setting up a suicide dive (with Jackson losing a shoe). Buck carries him back inside for an AA over the top, setting up something close to the One Winged Angle (pulling the arm instead of lowering the head) for the pin at 6:14.

Rating: C. Now that was a little more like it as Jackson’s stuff was actually funny at times, with the Thriller bit being an actually good gag. Buck winning is the better move of course as you rarely want a comedy guy going over a top star but at least they did something good here with Jackson getting some strong reactions.

Johnny Clash vs. Anthony Bowens vs. Jake Manning vs. Matt Macintosh

Clash is the Create-A-Pro Champion though I don’t think the title is on the line. The same seems to be true of Macintosh’s WrestlePro Gold Title. Manning brings his tent with him because we need a prop that big. The tent is in the middle of the ring but Macintosh (The Bad Apple. Get it?) throws it out so they can, you know, wrestle. Macintosh sends Manning into the post as Clash and Bowens fight in the ring.

Macintosh’s jumping knee to the head rocks Bowens and he gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a boot to the crotch. Macintosh: “HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES???” Manning grabs a headlock and reads the scout manual, which has Mackenzie wondering what passage he’s picked. Back up and Macintosh keeps running the ropes as Manning has stepped aside to read in peace. Bowens is back up with a low superkick to Clash but Manning has found….a rope? Clash gets tied up and then untied for some dizzifying effects.

Manning makes it even worse with an airplane spin and then Bowens adds one of his own. A collision puts Bowens and Clash down and it’s time to throw the tent in again. Everyone but Manning gets thrown in and he zips it shut….but gets pulled in as what seems to be a struggle ensues. The fans call it awesome, because this is a shaking tent crowd. Clash dives over the top onto Bowens and Macintosh dives onto both of them.

Manning throws the tent onto them and while he can carry it by himself, three people can’t manage to have it dropped all of a foot and a half onto their raised arms. Back in and Bowens hits a Blockbuster for two on Macintosh with Clash making the save. Manning throws the tent in AGAIN (ok the joke is old now) but Bowens elbows him into it. Manning gets out of the tent and it’s a Tower of Doom through the tent (devastating McKenzie) to give Manning the pin on Macintosh at 10:38.

Rating: D+. The tent was a funny idea but they went back to it over and over to diminishing returns. I was sick of the thing at the end and the whole thing would have been better off if it was about two minutes shorter. The wrestlers were fairly talented though and I could see them moving up to bigger promotions later on. Maybe not Manning as he’s a rather gimmicky character, but the other three have a chance.

Team Tremendous vs. Demon Bunny

Team Tremendous is Dan Barry and Bill Carr (both detectives for some reason) while Demon Bunny is Rosemary/Allie, who are apparently best friends outside of the ring. That’s always cool to see. Team Tremendous steals belts from the crowd, along with the Gold Title which was left at ringside from the previous match, and throws them inside. With that out of the way, Barry and Allie start things up.

Allie works on the arm but Barry dances his way into a wristlock. Some armdrags into an armbar have Barry in trouble and it’s off to Rosemary to stay on the arm. The women keep alternating on the arm as this isn’t exactly funny so far. Rosemary pulls his nose so it’s off to the much bigger Carr, who sticks up his fingers like a gun. As Allie surrenders, Rosemary bites the fingers and it’s back to Barry for a dropkick. Carr can’t bring himself to chop Rosemary though so Barry comes in again, this time to get choked over the ropes.

A top rope DDT sends Barry into the corner and the hot tag brings in Allie. Some forearms have no effect on Carr but he misses a charge in the corner, allowing Allie to hit some sliding elbows. Rosemary comes back in and gets planted for her troubles, followed by a reverse Razor’s Edge toss into a Codebreaker to Allie (cool move). That’s broken up at two and the Doomsday Sliced Bread is broken up as well. Rosemary mists Carr and it’s a Codebreaker into a German suplex for the double pin on Barry at 9:35.

Rating: C-. I like Rosemary and Allie but I really don’t get the comedy here. This wasn’t overly funny and could have been on any given show. Team Tremendous come off as a low level team who don’t have a lot of success and probably bragged about how they would win easily here. Not a bad match, but I have no idea why it was on here.

Fifteen minute intermission.

Shawn Donovan vs. Buster Jackson

Bird Box (blindfold) match and Donovan is billed from the fifth floor of Trump Tower. Hang on as the referee is blindfolded as well to make it even more confusing. They take less time to make contact than Jake Roberts and Rick Martel but Jackson ducks away and Donovan yells at the turnbuckle. Jackson takes him down and hammers away as the announcers spoil Bird Box. The referee has barely left the corner as Donovan gets knocked down but comes right back with a slam.

Donovan grabs the referee, who hiptosses him in self defense. A shoulder puts Jackson on the floor and Donovan follows as Jackson gets back in. Not being able to figure out what’s going on, Donovan grabs a chair and hits the post (ala Roberts vs. Martel) before getting back in as well. Donovan finally gets smart and takes his blindfold off but he’s insane (ala the movie) and tries a Swanton with no one on the mat. Jackson covers and, after the referee crawls over (how he knew there was a cover isn’t clear) and checks the shoulders, counts the pin at 6:50.

Rating: F. And that’s supposed to be funny? This was another dumb idea that just kept going despite being a short match. It’s the same problem any match with this gimmick has and there’s no way around it. This isn’t something that works and it was just stupid instead of entertaining or funny. Also, if you haven’t seen Bird Box (which came out a few months ago and isn’t a big deal anymore), this made no sense at all, especially the ending.

Gauntlet Match

When did gauntlet matches become the hottest thing in wrestling? Grim and Freddie IV (pronounced I V, not Four/Fourth) are in first and the Shook Crew (Bryce Donovan and Max Caster with Bobby Orlando) are in second. Freddie is a hippie and keeps giving people flower necklaces but uses one to pull Caster down to get us started. A double hanging suplex (including a limbo) has Caster in trouble so it’s off to Donovan (Two wrestlers on the roster named Donovan?), who gets chopped by the bigger Grim. We get the required Stink Face and Freddie comes in to drop a backsplash on Caster for a bonus.

A big legdrop gets two and Grim does the Whale (a heavy version of the Worm, consisting of dropping down, standing up and dropping down again), sending the Crew out to the floor. Back in and Grim is so winded that he collapses into the corner for the tag to Freddie. A low blow into a rollup with tights gives Donovan the pin at 4:14.

The Breakfast Club (CPA/Kip Francis Stevens) are in third and thankfully they come out to Don’t You Forget About Me (as they should). Once they get to the ring, Caster has laid out cones to create a safe space (because that’s a thing Caster does). It’s a ruse though (Gee you think?) as Orlando is taking Donovan’s place. Orlando hits Caster by mistake and we get the stupid spot of Orlando DDTing Caster by mistake because he can’t just let go.

We go wide and see Grim still out cold due to exhaustion as the match continues. Things settle down to Orlando suplexing CPA for two and Caster grabbing a chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and the villains are knocked into the corner in a Human Centipede pose. The hot tag brings in Stevens for a bunch of clotheslines, including one to the freshly conscious Grim. CPA goes to the apron for a dive, followed by a big one from Kip to knock everyone down. Back in and a Hart Attack gets rid of the Crew at 10:08.

Naturally they beat down the Club until Massage Force (Yes MASSAGE FORCE. Dorian Graves and VSK because all you need are initials instead of a full name these days.) is in fourth. The Club gets neck massages until a double rollup gets a double near fall. We settle down to Graves (the masked man, oddly enough) rubbing Stevens’ neck before it’s off to VSK, who gets a massage from Graves. It’s good enough to bring in CPA for two off a missile dropkick.

Another Hart Attack misses so CPA has to hit a suicide dive on Graves instead. Back inside and VSK kicks Stevens in the face for two, followed by a Backstabber for the same. Massage Force wants the oil and it’s VSK sliding across Graves’ back (just go with it) for a headbutt to Stevens’ crotch. A Shatter Machine gets rid of the Club (Why are an accountant and a guy in business casual called the Breakfast Club?) at 17:17.

Job Security (Big Malcolm and Officer Ronald) are in fifth and try to beat the fun out of Massage Force. The World’s Greatest Tag Team’s jump over your partner onto someone’s back gets two on VSK but it’s quickly back to Graves to massage Ronald. A Swanton/reverse DDT combination hits Malcolm and it’s more oil so Malcolm can get sent into Ronald’s crotch. Another Shatter Machine gets rid of Job Security at 21:18.

KM and Fallah Bahh are in sixth and you can tell these two are rather popular here. They seem to like McKenzie, who sounds touched. Bahh puts VSK in a front facelock and adds a splash….before oiling up KM’s back. The slide is more of a crushing this time and everything breaks down. KM and Bahh both roll over Massage Force and they make the referee do it too. That’s not good enough though as they have McKenzie do it as well. A Banzai Drop finishes VSK at 28:22.

And just in case we haven’t gone over the edge already, the BWO (Nova/Blue Meanie) is in seventh. KM works on Nova’s arm for a good while to start, with the announcers wondering how many times a single arm can be turned around. Nova is back with a big boot that knocks KM out of the ring and up the ramp to the stage. Back in and KM wants Meanie….and then tags out to Bahh for the sumo wrestling collision. They argue over NO NO NO/YES YES YES and it’s Meanie tickling Bahh.

Everyone but Meanie head outside and the big dive is teased, sending the three of them running around the building in fear. Bahh runs so far away that he gets counted out at 37:12. KM asks where Bahh went because he’s riding Bahh’s coattails on TV. KM: “I’m his Marty Jannetty! I need him!” Bahh comes back with hot dogs….for everyone in the ring!

As they eat, Team Espana (Jos A and Jos B, the Tag Team Champions and thankfully with labeled shirts) are in eighth as the final team. Meanie gets beaten down in the corner but it’s off to Nova to throw the right hands. Everything breaks down and Nova’s suplex to B is broken up as A pulls the foot, allowing B to fall on top for the pin at 42:42.

Rating: D-. The only thing I learned from this is that the WrestlePro tag division is awful with some very goofy teams. I was rather bored with most of this because most of the teams barely stand out from the others and they seem to have one note gimmicks at best. I’ll give some credit to KM and Bahh though: they looked like stars compared to the other teams, though that’s not saying much. Crazy long here and there had to be a team or two that could be cut.

The BWO gets cheered out of the ring.

Dan Maff vs. Swoggle

Street fight. Maff weighs over 300lb and is kind of a legend around here. Swoggle brings in his own weapons and they talk trash to start. Some chairs are set up in the middle and they sit down in front of each other for a slap fight at the opening bell. Swoggle gets the better of it until Maff stands up and kicks him down.

The weapons are brought in and it’s a stepladder to Maff’s back. The trashcan goes over his head and Swoggle beats on him with a kendo stick and there’s a big shot to the head, which just annoys Maff even more. An even bigger trashcan shot to the head drops Swoggle and it’s time for the barbed wire chair. Swoggle pours out the building blocks (they’re not Legos) because that’s the big thing these days.

The staple gun doesn’t work for Maff as Swoggle bites him and staples his crotch. A Stunner gives Swoggle two and it’s a side slam onto the blocks. Swoggle kendo sticks him off the top and blasts Maff with the barbed wire chair for two. Maff shrugs it off and loads up the Burning Hammer but lets Swoggle down. Swoggle flips him off though and hits a low blow, setting up a small package for two. That’s it for Maff, who wraps the ladder around Swoggle’s head and pulls back like a camel clutch for the tap at 8:53.

Rating: D+. This was actually tolerable, though just having Swoggle in there didn’t make it funny. The spots were your usual hardcore deals, though the ending was good. Swoggle is a lot more than just a comedy act as he works hard and can have a match, which is a lot more than you would expect from him.

They show respect and trade shirts after the match.

Colt Cabana/Santino Marella vs. Heavenly Bodies

That would be Desirable Dustin/Gigolo Justin for this Bodies incarnation. We get the rapid tags before any contact is made with the first lockup coming nearly two minutes in. Justin bails away from the threat of the Cobra so it’s off to Dustin, who gets made fun of for having a large stomach. The threat of the Cobra makes him run away twice as that lockup is about all that has happened so far. Everything breaks down and it’s a power walk from Cabana and Santino, setting up the double Bionic elbows.

We settle down to Justin’s arm getting worked over with Santino climbing to the top but getting nervous and coming off the bottom rope instead. Colt and Santino can’t get their double teams on the same page and jokingly yell at each other. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Colt as Dustin gets the tag but a tag to Santino doesn’t count because he’s not in the corner. Therefore, being clever, Santino extends the tag rope and stands halfway down the apron while still holding the rope.

A belly to back suplex into a moonsault gets two on Cabana (the Flippy Doo) and Colt stays in trouble in the corner. Cabana’s diving tag lands about three feet short so he tries again, this time with Dustin pulling Santino off the apron. Colt finally shrugs off some stomping in the corner and brings in Santino for his usual comeback. The referee gets bumped and Santino loads up the Cobra but Killer Kross runs in to jump him.

Kross does a Rick Rude impression and says he’s here to prove that funny doesn’t equal money because it’s not best for business. He beats up Colt and Santino while mocking comedy wrestling. Cue Joey Ryan of all people but Kross immediately says he’s not going near it. Kross tries the low blow and hurts his leg so Joey hits a dropkick. The lollipop goes into Kross’ mouth for the superkick and it’s time for the Cobra. Hang on though as Cabana puts a sock on his own hand. We get a double You Plex and a pair of Cobras for the double pin at 16:26.

Rating: D+. I really can’t get mad at this as it kind of went exactly as you would expect it to with the run-ins being the right choices. The ending was never in doubt and it was really just a matter of time before the Cobra got the win. It this had been the featured goofy match at the end of a more balanced show it could have worked better, but you can only get so much after this long of a show.

Overall Rating: D. The one thing I’ve learned from this show is why it’s called comedy relief. The idea behind a comedy match is to give you some breathing room after everything gets serious on a show. By having the entire (over three hour long) card be comedy, and in some cases it’s a big stretch to call it such, it’s really hard to stay in the right mood for it.

This didn’t work and while it’s certainly an idea, it isn’t one that works throughout. By the end it felt like a sketch comedy show that had run out of ideas and they were just throwing stuff out there and hoping it was funny. That’s why this kind of an idea doesn’t work. You need a serious match to look forward to because once the jokes stop working, you’re just watching mostly bad matches.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6