Even More Incredible Battle Royals
Commentators: Booker T., Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, Lord Alfred Hayes, Ron Trongard, Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage, Lee Marshall, Bill DeMott, Nigel Sherrod

Oddly enough, I’ve had a lot of fun with the previous two entries in this series, as they’re just fun to watch. The best part is that a lot of these haven’t been seen in a long time, so they’re not exactly famous. That leaves you with some surprise entries and winners, which hopefully is the case again here. Let’s get to it.

From Smackdown, July 3, 2012.

Battle Royal

Alberto Del Rio, Kane, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Tensai, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Heath Slater, CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Brodus Clay, Great Khali, Big Show, Ezekiel Jackson, Zack Ryder, Christian, Santino Marella, Justin Gabriel, Cody Rhodes

Teddy Long introduces this one, as the winner will be GM next week and that is a stacked lineup. Gabriel is out in a hurry and Show dumps Clay out as well. Tensai gets rid of Jackson and a bunch of people get rid of Khali to clear out a lot of the ring. There goes Sandow and Marella is out as well. Show shoves out Rhodes and Kingston at the same time and we take a break.

We come back with Slater and Swagger put out during the break before Punk’s crossbody gets rid of Bryan…and himself as well. Kane starts wrecking people, including a chokeslam to Show but he doesn’t bother getting rid of anyone. A bunch of heels go after Cena, who fights back and gets rid of Del Rio. Tensai goes after Cena but gets tossed, with Show throwing Cena out instead.

Ryder goes after Show for some dumb reason and gets hit with a spear. Kane tosses Show and Ziggler at the same time, leaving us with Ryder vs. Kane, which fits as Kane ruined Ryder’s life late last year. Ryder slips off the shoulder but gets kicked in the face, only to come back with the Broski Boot. The Rough Ryder is cut off but Ryder low bridges him out for the win at 10:49.

Rating: C+. They had some star power here and that helped a lot, but it was nice to see Ryder actually winning something for a change. The good thing is that Ryder only had to pull the rope down to get some revenge but that’s better than nothing. The bigger names were pretty much cleared out without much of a second thought, but that’s one of the perks of a match like this. Nice enough job here.

From Madison Square Garden, October 20, 1986.

$50,000 Tag Team Battle Royal

Moondogs (Rex/Spot), Rougeau Brothers (Jacques Rougeau/Raymond Rougeau), Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake/Greg Valentine), The Indians (Steve Gatorwolf/Chief Jay Strongbow), Hart Foundation (Bret Hart/Jim Neidhart), Mike Rotundo/SD Jones, Islanders (Haku/Tama), Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik, Killer Bees (Jim Brunzell/Brian Blair), Machines (Super Machine/Big Machine), British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith/Dynamite Kid), King Kong Bundy/Big John Studd

If one member of a team is eliminated, their partner is out as well. The Moondogs are out in about ten seconds and it’s already time to slow down for the weak elimination attempts. Sheik has to save himself from a fireman’s carry and Beefcake is sent to the apron but not out. Studd is almost out but Bundy cuts that off in a hurry.

Rotundo and Jones are out, as are the Indians (and yes, that’s what their graphic said) to clear the ring a bit. Sheik is backdropped out and the Harts/Bulldogs go out, naturally brawling on the floor as they leave. The Machines are almost out, though the Bees are entirely out as things are managing to slow down even more.

Studd backdrops Jacques out and Beefcake follows him, leaving us with the Machines, the Islanders and Bundy/Studd. Bundy and Studd get rid of the Machines though and we’re down to two. Well four but whatever. Tama gets crushed by the Avalanche, which leaves Haku fighting two monsters on his own (I feel sorry for them). Haku slugs away at Studd but Bundy misses a charge and hits his own partner to knock Studd out, giving the Islanders the win at 10:33.

Rating: C-. So the action here was the usual drek, but DANG it was nice to see some actual tag teams for a change. The 80s was just loaded with tag teams and some of these would go on to be among the best of their era. This would have been even better like a year later, but this was a fun one for the names alone. Not a good match for the most part save for the hot ending, but fine for a house show special attraction.

From the AWA. There’s no date given but this would likely be late 1982 (it’s definitely after October 9, 1982 as Otto Wanz is billed as a former World Champion).

$50,000 Battle Royal

Jerry Blackwell, Ken Patera, Buck Zumhoffe, Greg Gagne, Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, Baron von Raschke, Bobby Heenan, Kevin Johnson, Tom Lintz, Jim Brunzell, Jacques Goulet, Brad Rheingans, Rick Martel, Bobby Heenan, Adnan Al-Kaissie, Ray Stevens, Adrian Adonis, Bobby Duncum, Otto Wanz, Nick Bockwinkel

Hogan is listed at 335lbs, which is huge for him. Also, since everyone got an individual entrance, I had time to think about something. This is billed as a $50,000 battle royal, with 18 entrants. Commentary said that the participants had put up money for the big prize. But then there was a surprise, as it was now a twenty person battle royal. Now at 18 entrants, $50k breaks down to about $2,777 each. So did the last two entrants have to pay as well and the prize was really about $55k? Or did they get in free? Or did the AWA just pocket the extra entry fees? No wonder they didn’t last.

Commentary says the battle royal is underway, then a few seconds later the bell rings, then a few seconds later the ring announcer says it’s begun. Geez people we can see the concept. Hogan is in early trouble as Andre beats on Patera, who is on the floor but I don’t believe out. There are multiple people on the floor but commentary is not exactly great at telling us who is out.

We get the five minutes in call at less than four minutes as this company can’t get anything right. Adonis hits Andre in the back for some annoyance as we’re told everyone is still officially in. Stevens is finally the first one out and Lintz is out, though Heenan manages to save himself. Patera dumps Johnson as we’re told it’s ten minutes in before it’s even nine. Goulet is out and Adonis goes up top to forearm Raschke, which is quite the odd pairing. Raschke is out soon after and Zumhoffe joins him (good) as Gagne and Adonis fight on the floor without being eliminated.

Rheingans is out and Adonis goes up top again for some reason, with Andre slamming him down. Wanz is out, as is Adonis (billed as the Golden Boy, which is so bizarre given what he would become) and we get a bunch of people almost going out on the same rope before getting back in. Martel is out and things slow down again. We settle down to Heenan and company against the good guys, with Hogan and Andre picking up Gagne and Brunzell to kick various villains away (that’s a visual).

We’re told it’s fifteen minutes in (no) as Brunzell is tossed by Blackwell and Duncum. There goes Gagne and the villains split off to triple team Hogan and Andre in different corners. Hogan is sent through the ropes to the floor, where the beating continues. Andre fights out and gets rid of Blackwell and Al-Kaissie, plus Duncum.

Heenan comes off the top with an ax handle to save Bockwinkel and eliminates himself to avoid Andre… who goes over the top to eliminate himself as well. That leaves Patera and Bockwinkel to double team Hogan, who sends them into each other. Hogan backdrops both of them out to win (and jump up and down in celebration) at 19:52.

Rating: C. I’m not a big AWA guy for the most part, but they have a certain charm about them that was on display here. If nothing else, having Heenan running around trying to run things and then eliminating himself with quite the athletic jump was a great bonus. This had the usual share of standing around, but it’s fun to see such a different version of this kind of match from a promotion that doesn’t get a lot of attention.

From Monday Night Raw, February 15, 1993 (this was on the Invasion Of The Bodyslammers Coliseum Video, albeit with different commentary, so I’ve seen it far too many times).

Battle Royal

Owen Hart, Koko B. Ware, Kamala, Kim Chee, Shawn Michaels, Iron Mike Sharpe, Bob Backlund, Typhoon, Razor Ramon, Damien Demento, Berzerker, Terry Taylor, Skinner, Tito Santana, Tatanka

It’s a big brawl to start and for some reason almost everyone is on one side of the ring. Michaels backdrops Ware out (in a great bump) as commentary talks about Tatanka beating Michaels on Superstars (which I actually watched earlier tonight). Typhoon gets rid of Skinner and Demento is out as well as this is not exactly flying thus far. Berzerker gets rid of Hart but is tossed out by Backlund.

Chee helps Typhoon eliminate Kamala, which just seems like a bad idea. Indeed as Kamala goes back inside to chop Chee and chase him through the crowd and into the concourse as we take a break. We come back (it’s kind awesome that we get to see the stuff in the break on the Coliseum Video) with Kamala chasing Chee through the balcony. Back in the ring, Typhoon gets backdropped over the corner for the elimination and we’re down to Michaels, Ramon, Santana and Tatanka, which breaks down into one heck of a tag match.

Michaels unloads on Tatanka in the corner and Ramon seems to knee Santana low. Santana is back up with the flying forearm and Michaels hits Tatanka with a dropkick. Michaels is sent onto the corner and the good guys kick him out at the same time to get us down to three. And here’s the Giant Gonzalez to knock Ramon through the ropes and throw the other two over before leaving. Ramon climbs back in and wins at 13:32.

Rating: D+. I love the tape and I’ve seen it quite a few times, but yeah this isn’t very good. It’s a few stars with a bunch of filler names and then Gonzalez coming in to wreck everyone at the end. The Kamala chase was funny, but that’s about the only entertaining part. It’s not a terrible match, but it’s pretty boring (until the final four) and that’s worse.

From the AWA, Saint Paul, Minnesota, February 7, 1989.

AWA World Title: Battle Royal

Sgt. Slaughter, Larry Zbyszko, Tom Zenk, Ken Patera, Steve Ray, Greg Gagne, Colonel DeBeers, Ricky Rice, Wayne Bloom, Wahoo McDaniel, Pat Tanaka, Mike Enos, Manny Fernandez, Akio Sato, Derrick Dukes, Mike George, Paul Diamond, Tommy Jammer

For the vacant title. It’s the usual start and there are no entrances here so good luck figuring out who all is in this. This means a lot of choking and brawling near the ropes, with the only interesting note being Diamond Dallas Page on the floor as a manager for apparently three or four people. Jammer is out and Enos (with his very 80s jeans) is as well, followed by I believe George (commentary is useless).

Fernandez is knocked out and a running clothesline gets rid of….someone commentary doesn’t bother to name. Patera is out and Fernandez is back in, as commentary apparently doesn’t get the difference between IN and OUT. DeBeers can’t get rid of Slaughter but someone can get rid of Sato. Fernandez is actually out and a bunch of people are tossed at once. We’re down to Zbyszko, Zenk, Gagne, Tatanka, DeBeers and Slaughter, with Gagne going up top like a moron and missing a top rope stomp.

Gagne is thrown out shortly thereafter and Zenk is on the floor but not out. Slaughter gets rid of Tanaka and DeBeers but gets tossed by Zbyszko. So we’re down two Zenk and Zbyszko as DeBeers brawls with Slaughter. And apparently this is now a regular match, as Zenk hits an atomic drop for two. Zbyszko slams him for two but gets sent hard into the corner. The referee gets bumped (oh sweet goodness) and Zenk hits his dropkick for an incredibly delayed two. A suplex gets two more but Zenk’s crossbody is thrown over the top rope to give Zbyszko the title at 15:38.

Rating: D-. This was a perfect illustration of why the AWA was dying. You had a bunch of people who didn’t feel like stars having an awful battle royal with the ending not really making sense. There was nothing to see here and it was a total mess, which explains the AWA in a nutshell: yeah it existed, but why would you want to watch it?

From the Global Wrestling Federation (early 90s promotion in Dallas), sometime in 1992.

$2000 Bunkhouse Battle Royal

Alex Porteau, Stevie Ray, Booker T, Chaz, Johnny Mantel, Gary Young, Black Bart, Shawn Summers, Rod Price, Scott Putski, Steven Dane, Tug Taylor, Maniac, Dewey, Terry Sill

You can win by over the top or pinfall and….my goodness this place does not have the best looking roster. Price is thrown out and pulls Young with him to get us down to thirteen. Chaz and Dane are both out and Booker beats up Tug Taylor as the Maniac (he’s a bit off) eliminates himself. Booker pins Dewey (I think?) before Summers, Taylor and Putski are all out. Mantel chokes Ray in the corner until Booker makes the save as Bart eliminates Sill. Porteau is out and we’re down to four as we take a break.

We come back with Booker and Ray in stereo chinlocks (in a BATTLE ROYAL) but they fight up…and get pulled back down into the chinlocks. Those are broken up so Ray grabs his own chinlock as I’m amazed at how bad these people are at this stuff. Bart fights up and ties Ray in the ropes while Booker skins the cat to save himself. Ray is back up and tosses Bart and Mantel…meaning Ray and Booker both win at 10:14.

Rating: F. Chinlocks. Multiple chinlocks. In a battle royal. I have no idea how this is the best way they could go, but it offers a good illustration of why this promotion is not exactly remembered positively. This was absolutely nothing and I don’t even get the ending, which wasn’t explained in any way and made a bad match even worse.

From Deep South Wrestling, the disaster of a developmental territory which did produce some good WWE talent, likely in 2005.

Battle Royal

Mike Mizanin, Mike Knox, Mike Shane, Todd Shane, Freakin Deacon, Palmer Cannon, Eric Perez, Nick Mitchell, Roughhouse O’Reilly, Antonio Banks, Mack Johnson, Derek Neikirk, Damien Steele, Kid Kash, Ryan Reeves, Mike Taylor, Joe Slaughter, Johnny Slaughter, Ray Gordy, Tony Santarelli, ???

For a bye in the first round of the Deep South Title tournament and one of the twenty one entrants are never named. Everyone goes after the Regulators (Shane and Shane) to start as commentary is rather hard to understand. One Shane saves the other from a group elimination and Roughhouse O’Reilly (Konnor of the Ascension) has to save himself. Todd Shane is thrown out and Mike Shane follows him as we’re now able to focus on anything else.

The Deacon (Luke Gallows) gets in front of Cannon as everyone tries to charge, with the Deacon eliminating four people in a row. Cannon bails to the floor so Deacon dives onto a bunch of people at once. A bunch of people get rid of Deacon as Cannon is now hiding underneath the ring.

We take a break and come back with Cannon hiding on the floor again as the brawl continues inside. A man in green gets enziguried out but chases Cannon back inside rather than leaving like he should. Well no wonder Cannon ran from that rulebreaker. Everyone looks at Cannon, who dives over the top to eliminate/save himself. Banks (the future MVP) is out and we get down to a bunch of brawling on the ropes. Johnson and Mitchell are eliminated and we take another break.

We come back with nine entrants remaining and the fans behind Reeves (the future Ryback) as someone not important enough to name is tossed. Steele sends Kash to the apron, only for Kash to dump him out. Neikirk has to save himself from being very close to an elimination and O’Reilly is put on the apron. Neikirk and Kash get together to eliminate Reeves and O’Reilly and we’re down to five as we take another break.

We come back with Miz and Taylor staring down with Team Elite (Neikirk, Kash and Knox). Miz gets double teamed in the corner but Kash turns on Knox with a hurricanrana. That earns him a boot to the face from Knox, allowing Taylor and Miz to…not eliminate him. Knox is back up with one heck of a chop to Miz in the corner and they pair off again. Taylor’s hurricanrana takes Kash to the apron but not out, leaving Miz to DDT the other two at the same time.

Taylor and Kash hit a double clothesline and everyone is down. Miz and Taylor are back up to take over on the villains but Taylor misses a charge and gets booted out. That leaves Miz on his own against the three villains, who quickly sends him to the apron to start. Miz manages to pull Kash halfway down though and the other two toss Kash out to get us down to three. Kash grabs at Miz from the floor so here is Taylor to go after him as well. Knox and Neikirk double team Miz but he skins the cat and headscissors Neikirk out. Knox pump kicks Miz in the face for the win at 40:30.

Rating: B. Well DANG that came out of nowhere. I was expecting absolutely nothing here and they wound up having one heck of a match in the end. The last ten minutes or so with Miz and Taylor fighting against the monsters worked great and I wanted to see how they were getting out of it. The time made it work well too, as this had no reason to go this long but they made it work and did something rather good. Nice job here and FAR better than I was expecting.

Overall Rating: D+. Well the winning streak ends at two, as the Deep South match wasn’t enough to make this work. That stretch of the 1993 match, the AWA mess and the horrible Global match dragged this WAY down. There wasn’t much to see here, with the opener and finale being good but not worth your watch. Go and check out the other two entries in the series as they’re a good bit better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: October 7, 2008
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

We’re done with No Mercy and Matt Hardy is still the ECW Champion, having survived Mark Henry. The following night didn’t go so well for Hardy, who was pinned by Kane in a tag match on Raw. That could open up a few different options and we could be seeing more of Kane around here. Or it means nothing. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Finlay/Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox/Jack Swagger

Hornswoggle is here too. Finlay and Knox start things off with Finlay going straight to the elbow to the head. The running seated senton allows the tag off to Dreamer and a bulldog drops Knox again. Swagger gets knocked to the floor for a clothesline from the apron but Knox is back up with a pump kick.

We take a break and come back with Knox’s suplex getting two on Dreamer and a cheap shot knocking Finlay off the apron. Swagger comes in and misses the Vader Bomb, meaning Dreamer can come in to clean house. Everything breaks down and it’s a Tadpole Splash into a shillelagh shot to give Finlay the pin on Knox.

Rating: C+. Totally standard tag match here and that’s a fine way to go. Well, as far as you could get with Knox involved. He’s just turned into such a nothing name around here but the show is in such a need for bodies that he has to stick around. Finlay is also fine for a midcard name and that’s all he needs to be, making him a fine example of how to use a veteran of his status.

It’s October so Tiffany is a devil and Teddy Long is a vampire (I think). Jamie Noble comes in and says he’s dressed as the greatest wrestler of all time. Tiffany: “You’re dressed as Shawn Michaels!” Anyway Tony Atlas and Mark Henry interrupt, with Noble making the mistake of standing up to Henry. A match is made.

The Boogeyman is coming back. Uh…good? I think? They need people, but I’m not sure how far he’ll get them.

Mark Henry vs. Jamie Noble

Henry runs him over to start and steps on his back for some loud screaming. Another knockdown has Noble in more trouble but he avoids a charge in the corner. The right hands in the corner look to set up a high crossbody, which is pulled into the World’s Strongest Slam to give Henry the pin.

Rating: C. Just a squash here as we establish that Henry is in fact still a monster. That was pretty much covered last night on Raw but they needed to do it here as well. Thankfully it didn’t last long, as there was no reason for it to go more than a few minutes. Henry knows how to smash through people and he did it well here.

Post match the beatdown stays on so Matt Hardy runs in with a Twist Of Fate. Unfortunately it’s to Tony Atlas, leaving Henry to wreck Hardy.

Raw Rebound.

CM Punk/Ricky Ortiz/Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne vs. Miz/John Morrison/Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase Jr.

Manu is here with the villains. Rhodes and Bourne start things going as Striker actually explains the rules of an eight man tag. I…sure why not, as it’s not hurting anything. Bourne starts in on the arm and it’s quickly off to Punk to stay on said arm. Morrison comes in and gets taken into the corner, where Ortiz drops a leg. It’s back to Bourne for a running hurricanrana and the villains are cleared out as we take a break.

We come back with DiBiase chinlocking Bourne, apparently thanks to Manu interfering during the break (he has to do something). A big clothesline cuts off Bourne’s comeback and Morrison comes in for the armbar. Miz grabs a cravate and the rapid fire tags continue with Rhodes hammering away.

It’s already back to Miz for a front facelock, with Bourne reversing into a small package for two. Bourne is up without much trouble though and Punk comes back in to strike away. Everything breaks down (yep) and it’s time for the series of dives. Manu’s distraction saves Morrison from the GTS though and DiBiase knocks Punk into the Moonlight Drive to give Morrison the pin.

Rating: B-. The rapid fire tags helped a bit here as it let the people get in there rather than waiting around as much. At the same time, the less Ortiz does the better, as there is just nothing there. I know he has the big hair and the towel and all that, but that’s not enough to carry him. Hopefully WWE realizes that soon, as it’s getting harder to put up with him. Finally, my goodness Punk has fallen rather quickly after losing the World Title, which tends to be the case too often with MITB title winners.

Overall Rating: C+. ECW continues to exist, with the title feud kind of on hold this week and guest stars being there to fill in the gaps. As usual, I’m not sure how much this needs to be a regular hour long show, but WWE has done dumber things before. The main event was ok, though it’s not worth going out of your way to see. Just wait for Smackdown, as is often the case around here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Christmas Carnage
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Michael Hayes, Bobby Heenan, Jerry Lawler

This is the Christmas week contribution from the WWE Vault and that could have some possibilities. WWE has often done something over Christmas and it should be interesting to see what they have brought out of mothballs. There are quite a few options here and some of them are worth a look so let’s get to it.

From Smackdown, December 22, 2006.

Batista is in the ring and Santa Claus comes out with gifts for the fans. Michael Cole even gets a Roddy Piper DVD and shirt (not shown, but that’s what someone with notes from Smackdown from 2006 are for)…but then Santa hits Batista in his bad arm with a pipe. Cue Teddy Long to give Santa a match with Batista.

Batista vs. Santa Claus

Batista’s World Title isn’t on the line and Long might not be the nicest guy to have Batista in the match when he’s already hurt. Santa goes after the bad arm and slams it into the apron for two. Batista drives him into the corner but charges into a boot to the bad arm. A backdrop (looked like a mistimed spinebuster) sets up a spear and the beard comes off to reveal…Sylvan. The spinebuster and Batista Bomb finish at 1:41.

From Superstars, December 23, 1995.

Xanta Klaus vs. Scott Taylor

Yeah this had to be here. Xanta is better known as Balls Mahoney, is from the South Pole, and likes to steal presents. Some hard forearms, a belly to back suplex, and a camel clutch finish for Xanta at 1:31. The match was so short that I didn’t have time to mention Xanta’s manager, Ted DiBiase, doing a split screen interview and promising that the Million Dollar Champion is coming. This was the only match for Xanta, because….well how much of a shelf life was he going to have?

From Monday Night Raw, December 20, 1999.

Mankind is not happy about having to face Santa Claus in a Boiler Room Brawl because he doesn’t want to have to punch the rosy cheeks or kick him in the stomach that shakes like a bowlful of jelly. Cue the Mean Street Posse to jump him and send him into the boiler room, which has him rather disturbed to officially start things off.

Mankind vs. Santa Claus

Santa is in fact in the boiler room and Mankind isn’t sure what to do about this. Santa doesn’t want to put Mankind on the bad list so Mankind offers to let Santa walk out and win in peace. That works for Santa but three other Santas jump Mankind. He’s fine with fighting them and finds a well placed garbage can and some frying pants (in their bag of toys).

The three of them are down but two more are waiting on him and these two happen to be the New Age Outlaws, who have some better luck. Mankind fights back against the two of them like he’s in Championship Mode in No Mercy (SOCKO!) and grabs a mirror, naturally singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire in the process. Another Santa knocks the mirror into his face to shatter it…and since it’s HHH, he tells Mankind to suck it and leaves to win at 3:34.

Rating: C. What in the world do you want me to say about this? It felt like some weird comic book scene with the collection of Santas coming at Mankind, who was almost fighting his nightmare scenario come to life. Like so much from this era, it wasn’t so much a match as a segment with brawling, but this did work for what it was supposed to be.

From Monday Night Raw, December 23, 2012.

Good Santa vs. Bad Santa

YES! This is the one I was hoping would be on here. Here we have a 400lb wig splitting World’s Strongest Santa vs. the Intellectual Santa of the Masses in a battle to save Christmas. The good one hits the bad one in the head to start and opens a package to find a toilet. Bad Santa goes face first into said toilet and they head outside, where the bad one finds a fire extinguisher….which doesn’t work.

The good one takes the pin out and sprays the bad one as commentary argues over whether Santa’s suit is fireproof or Santa himself. The bad one finds a Singapore candy cane to beat on the good one and wreck the (awesome) Christmas decorations, which is just too far for the good one. They fight back to ringside, with the bad one taking a present to the back. The bad one STILL can’t get the fire extinguisher to work so the good one sprays him again, setting up the World’s Strongest Slam (which Cole dubs the Sleigh Ride) for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: A+. I’m a Christmas fanatic and I remember loving this match live. It still holds up today as they absolutely knew the assignment and had a comedy brawl which didn’t overstay its welcome. That’s exactly what wrestling should be at times and it worked very well, with Henry being lovable and Sandow being the snob. Great stuff.

Post match Henry pulls out some cupcakes (he approves) and slams them into Sandow’s face. JBL: “Jimmy Stewart is rolling over in his grave right now.”

From Monday Night Raw, December 23, 2019.

We’re near the streets of New York City, where Santa Claus sends R-Truth over to his sled and then jumps Akira Tozawa to win the 24/7 Title. Of note: Santa was played by future AEW star Bear Bronson.

From Wrestling Challenge, November 27, 1993.

Doink The Clown is brought out for an interview, where he is told that there can only be ONE Doink in the WWF. Apparently he has drawn the ire of Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon, but he doesn’t care because he loves Christmas. Cue Santa Claus to hug Doink, who started off badly but has gotten a lot better. His present is in the bag, and it’s……a mini Doink! Actually that won’t work, as there can only be ONE Doink….so we’ll just call him Dink! Yeah sure why not. Dink leaves in a wagon and Heenan hopes he goes to play on the interstate.

From a Superstars taping in what looks like late 1992.

We meet Santa’s helpers from the South Pole: a couple of guys who whack their arms around and call each other Cousin Luke and Cousin Butch. They seem to love Christmas and remember their mother singing them Christmas songs (if they’re cousins, why do they have the same…..never mind). The interviewer is licked and toys are dispensed to the fans.

From World Class Championship Wrestling, December 25, 1983.

Michael Hayes dresses up like Santa and jumps the Von Erichs after a tag match. Mike Von Erich gets piledriven.

Overall Rating: B. Again, I love it when they throw in a few curves here and there with some actual interesting moments. Rather than doing a bunch of lame stuff that doesn’t matter, they went with stuff that a lot of fans probably haven’t thought of in a long time and it makes these things so much more fun. I love the Henry vs. Sandow match and the Mankind deal was a nice flashback. This could have been a lot longer but at just shy of thirty minutes, it’s hard to get too annoyed.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 30, 2008
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

It’s the last show before No Mercy and that means we’re coming up on the Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry ECW Title match. That’s the biggest story around here, as tends to be the case, though thankfully some of the other stories have gotten a bit of time. Hopefully it’s enough to get through the show so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Tiffany and Teddy Long are in the ring to start us off with the former bringing in ECW Champion Matt Hardy and Mark Henry (with Tony Atlas) for a chat. Henry says Hardy has a bad week coming up, as he has Henry on Sunday and a triple threat match with HHH and Chris Jericho.

Hardy says he’ll do just fine in that match, but Henry says Hardy shouldn’t be in it in the first place. No one ever beat Henry for the title, but Hardy says the title is about the fans and representing ECW as the best it has to offer. A fight is teased but here are Miz and John Morrison to interrupt. They want a match with Evan Bourne and Ricky Ortiz, but instead Long puts them with Henry against Hardy, Bourne and Ortiz. That’s….not a very good main event.

Jack Swagger vs. Lenny Lane

That would be the Lenny Lane from WCW and my goodness he’s almost unrecognizable here, as he’s put on quite a bit of weight. Swagger wrestles him down to start and hits a gutbuster. The gutwrench powerbomb finishes Lane in a hurry.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Tommy Dreamer runs in for the save.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox

Knox knocks (hey…) him into the corner to start but charges into an elbow in the corner. Dreamer gets knocked out of the air though and a suplex puts him down again. Grisham: “These two are almost mirror images of each other.” I have no idea what he’s talking about so we’ll go with Striker explaining the physics of a chinlock. A drop toehold sends Knox face first into the buckle but Dreamer gets sent into the post as well. The spinning Downward Spiral finishes Dreamer off.

Rating: C-. This was in fact Knox beating up Dreamer and then pinning him with his finisher. In theory Dreamer is next for Jack Swagger and I have no idea why I would want to see him face Swagger after this loss. What are we measuring? Whether Swagger or Knox can beat him up worse?

Post match Swagger comes back out and gives Dreamer the gutwrench powerbomb. Again: just after he lost a match. Why is this interesting?

Video on the special broadcast edition of Wrestlemania XXIV. Saliva’s Ladies And Gentlemen is surprisingly left in as we look at the history of Wrestlemania. I know it’s for something airing that week, but this feels so out of place in September.

No Mercy rundown.

Miz/John Morrison/Mark Henry vs. Evan Bourne/Ricky Ortiz/Matt Hardy

Miz knocks Bourne down to start, only to get caught with a spinwheel kick. Ortiz comes in and suplexes Miz, who manages to take him into the corner as Striker goes on some rant about inflation at Starbucks. Morrison comes in and gets sent into the corner, where Ortiz pulls him head over heels for a faceplant and a near fall. It’s back to Bourne, who gets knocked down again and we hit the chinlock.

Morrison kicks him in the face again and it’s back to Miz to choke on the ropes. Bourne fights out of trouble without much difficulty and brings Hardy in to pick up the pace. Henry comes in and stares down all three of them as we take a break. We come back with Hardy working on Morrison’s arm before Ortiz gets to do the same. Bourne comes in and goes after the arm as well but Morrison is able to get over to Henry. Destruction ensues quickly, with Henry running Ortiz over and pounding him on the ropes.

It’s already back to Miz for a cravate, which Ortiz reverses into a sunset flip for two. Morrison is back in with a headscissors, which is finally reversed into an electric chair. The tag attempt is cut off by Miz but Ortiz gets over to Bourne, who grabs a slingshot hurricanrana. Bourne’s top rope Meteora gets two on Morrison as everything breaks down. Bourne kicks at Henry but gets caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match didn’t sound interesting when it was announced and then it was just as dull as it sounded it was going to be. A lot of that comes down to Ortiz, who has felt wedged into just about everything he’s done. He’s not interesting or particularly good and having him in the main event, even as part of a six man tag, is going to drag it down. The rest of the match wasn’t much better, but at least they felt like they belonged there.

Overall Rating: D. It’s a bad sign when the best thing on the show was a Swagger squash which only went about a minute and a half. Other than that you had the rather insane booking with Dreamer and then the dull main event. This isn’t a one story show, but when the main story is almost all that matters and nothing is particularly good, it makes for a rough sit, which was the case here. Bad show here, and I’m scared of how much worse it’s going to get.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci-Fi
Date: September 23, 2008
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Matt Striker

The big story continues to be ECW Champion Matt Hardy dealing with Mark Henry, which is likely going to be quite the problem sooner rather than later. At the same time, there is a newcomer in the form of Jack Swagger, who is off to a rather nice start. The show still needs some fresh stars, but at least things have gotten a bit better. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are the Miz and John Morrison to get things going. Miz isn’t happy with losing to Evan Bourne last week and blames Ricky Ortiz. We see a clip of the loss and therefore it’s time to mock Ortiz’s hair. They aren’t happy with being ignored for the sake of the “locker room freshmen” and mock Teddy Long. Morrison: “Long could never hang out at the palace of wisdom.”

Cue Long, who brings up the Superstar Initiative, though Morrison mocks Braden Walker for being gone after two matches. Long says the Initiative is continuing and Miz challenges Ortiz and Bourne for tonight. That doesn’t work for Long, as Bourne isn’t here and they know it. Ortiz comes out, with Miz and Morrison saying pick a partner because the two of them can beat anyone. Long loves the idea of the two of them beating anyone…so they can face each other! And the winner faces Ortiz immediately thereafter! That was rather clever and the wordplay worked.

We look at Kane beating up Evan Bourne last night. I get that it’s kane, but bragging about the new stars and then showing one of them getting beaten up on the bigger show isn’t the best visual.

Ricky Ortiz is ready for tonight when Tiffany comes up and seems to approve. Ortiz has something in his pocket (Teddy Long: “Is it appropriate?”) and pulls out one of his rally towels, which Tiffany puts around her neck. Tiffany: “I like it.”

Finlay vs. Bam Neely

Hornswoggle is here too. Finlay drops him with an early clothesline and sends Neely into the corner, followed by a seated senton for two. Neely is back up with some heavy forearms to the back but Finlay shrugs it off and hits a clothesline. Finlay gets dropped again though and Neely grabs a Boston crab. Hornswoggle offers the shillelagh and gets thrown down, with the distraction letting Finlay blast Neely with said shillelagh for the fast pin.

Maryse vs. Michelle McCool

Non-title and I guess we have a light roster tonight. They go to the mat and slug it out to start, followed by McCool hitting a spear and hammering away. Maryse is sent outside but avoids a baseball slide and tosses McCool into the barricade. Back in and we hit the reverse chinlock, which JR thinks looks nothing like the Iron Sheik. McCool gets up and hits a dropkick, followed by a running flipping neckbreaker for two. Maryse manages to slam her off the top though and a DDT finishes McCool off.

Rating: C. You really can see the women coming along at this point and it’s great to watch. The match might not have been great, but it was a straight wrestling match with wrestlers who happened to be women. Given where the division has been before, this is rather impressive as the whole thing was basically being built up from scratch.

No Mercy rundown.

Here are Mark Henry and Tony Atlas for a chat. Henry says that Matt Hardy didn’t pin him to win the ECW Title because he can’t do it and never will. At No Mercy, Henry will show that he is the real champion and Hardy will learn it first hand.

Mike Knox vs. Chase Stevens

Stevens strikes away but gets booted in the face and splashed in the corner. A big running knee drop and the spinning Downward Spiral finish Stevens without much trouble.

Post match Jack Swagger comes out to powerbomb Stevens, which draws out Tommy Dreamer. Knox offers a distraction and Swagger powerbombs Dreamer as well.

Miz vs. John Morrison

The winner faces Ricky Ortiz after the match. Striker: “Who will be the Simon and who will be the Garfunkel?” Sweet goodness man. They trade rollups for two each until Morrison sends him crashing out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Morrison fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught with the corner clothesline for two.

The chinlock goes on again so Morrison fights up, only to get taken back down by a half nelson facebuster. Morrison shrugs that off and hits a running knee. Morrison knocks him down again and goes up, with Miz joining him on top. They both crash down and it’s actually a double countout.

Rating: C+. Much like the women earlier, you can see Miz getting that much better so quickly and it’s quite the impressive feat. He’s gone from a total joke to someone who can easily hold his own in the ring. That’s not something easily done and, along with Morrison, Miz is basically carrying this show. Nice match here, with the cop out ending making some sense this time.

Post match Ricky Ortiz runs in for the splashes to both of them to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t their strongest show, though I’ll take having some people come over from Smackdown for a week to boost things up. That’s one of the best things that can be done, as it’s not like this show’s roster has the depth to be interesting week in and week out. The new talent initiative can help, though they’re going to need a better success rate. It’s not a very good show, but I’m a bit more optimistic than I have been in the past.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Best Of Sid
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bob Caudle, Gordon Solie, Dusty Rhodes, Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler,

Sid is next up on the list of stars getting a collection on the WWE Vault and that can make for quite the offering. Usually these Best Of’s are more of a chronological look at someone’s career, which can go rather well. Sid might not be the most polished wrestler, but his charisma can take him a very long way. Let’s get to it.

From Halloween Havoc 1989.

Skyscrapers vs. Road Warriors

The Skyscrapers (with Teddy Long) are Sid and Dan Spivey and the Warriors have Paul Ellering to keep things even. Hawk and Sid have a staredown to start and yeah the fans are way into this. Spivey knocks Animal up against the ropes to start but a clothesline sends Spivey over the top. Hawk comes in to trade shoulders with Spivey, who is more than happy to oblige.

A flying shoulder sends Spivey crashing out to the floor and now it’s off to Sid, who is knocked into the corner as well. Animal is in to shoulder Sid and it’s back to Hawk for the test of strength. Sid actually takes over and starts hammering away, with Sid knocking him down and nipping up. A helicopter slam drops Hawk again and Spivey kicks him out to the floor. That means Sid can drop Hawk onto the barricade, followed by a big boot to the….hip?

Back in and Spivey and Hawk trade suplexes as JR goes on and on about Spivey’s football career. Hawk finally clotheslines his way out of trouble and it’s back to Animal for one heck of a flying shoulder. Sid and Animal get in a fight and the fans are VERY appreciative. Everything breaks down and the managers get into it, with Long throwing in his metal key (it was a thing), which Spivey uses on Hawk for the DQ at 11:39.

Rating: B-. Yeah this worked as it’s exactly what they advertised. This was about four big power guys beating the fire out of each other until the ending when the ending was designed to protect both of them. In this case that makes enough sense and it was a fun trip to get there, which I’ll definitely take.

Post match the brawl stays on, with Hawk hitting the top rope clothesline (that always looked awesome) and stealing the key to clean house.

From Clash Of The Champions IX.

Skyscrapers vs. Steiner Brothers

Oh this should work. Naturally Rick is in the crowd eating popcorn with the fans. The Steiners clear the ring to start and hit their pose, with the Skyscrapers chilling on the floor. We settle down to Spivey tombstoning Rick, who pops back up to take over. Scott comes in for the Frankensteiner and a flipping fall away slam to Sid, because that’s something a human can do.

Back up and Sid misses a heck of a charge into the corner, allowing Scott to start in on the arm. Spivey is back in with a clothesline and a tilt-a-whirl slam, followed by a heck of a big boot. Scott gets up and brings in Rick for the house cleaning as everything breaks down. Cue Doom to go after the Steiners, which is enough for the DQ at 6:08.

Rating: B-. Yeah I could have gone for a lot more of this, as they were beating each other up, with Scott getting to come in there and do his stuff to make him look like a phenom. The Steiners were on another planet in this era and when you gave them a team of big guys to throw around, there was very little that was more entertaining.

Post match the brawl stays on, with Woman (Doom’s manager and the Steiners’ former manager) hits Rick with a shoe. Cue an unnamed giant (later named Nitron, who would be better known for his acting career, as Sabretooth in the original X-Men movies). The Road Warriors run in for the save and it’s a huge brawl.

From WrestleWar 1991.

Sid Vicious/Ric Flair/Barry Windham/Larry Zbyszko vs. Sting/Brian Pillman/Steiner Brothers

It’s WARGAMES. In case you’re somehow unfamiliar, each team sends in a man for the first five minutes. When that is done, there will be a coin toss (the heels will win) and the winning team gets to send in its second man for a two minute advantage. When that time is up, the losing team sends in its second man to even things up for two minutes. Entrances alternate until all eight are in and then it’s first submission only to win.

Windham and Pillman (with a bad shoulder) start things off, with Pillman having to break away from his team to get in first. Pillman clotheslines him down and grabs the top of the cage for a dropkick before stomping away. A head fake lets Pillman hit a missile dropkick and he rakes Windham into the cage. Windham is already busted open and some jawbreakers stagger him even more. Pillman throws him into the other cage as Windham is gushing blood.

Pillman goes after the legs and keeps striking away, setting up a backdrop (which barely works as the ceiling is REALLY low. The first period ends and the villains win the coin toss (of course) so it’s Flair coming in to make it 2-1. Flair goes after Pillman and sends him into the cage and Windham does it as well, with the shoulder taking a beating. A nasty tumble sends Pillman into the other cage and they go after his shoulder until Sting is in to tie it up (the fans go NUTS, as expected).

Sting hits those big bulldogs but Windham crotches Pillman on the top. Flair’s chops have no effect and Sting goes after him in the corner, with the Stinger Splash connecting. Zbyszko (subbing for an injured Arn Anderson, who is at ringside) is in to get the advantage back so Sting dives over two sets of ropes to clothesline him down. Pillman Figure Fours Windham but Flair and Zbyzsko fight back, with Flair kicking Pillman in the shoulder for the break.

Rick comes in and hammers on Flair and Windham to start cleaning house. Flair goes into the cage and gets his head rubbed to draw some blood (the blading was about as obvious as you could get). The villains take over again but Scott Steiner is in to complete the field, meaning it’s officially first submission wins. Sting gets the Scorpion on Flair, which is broken up, so we get the quadruple Figure Four on the bad guys.

Those are broken up so Sting gorilla presses Flair into the roof. The brawling continues and Sid loads up a powerbomb, but Pillman’s feet hit the top of the cage so Sid DROPS HIM ON HIT HEAD (called the shoulder but it was his head). Sid hits another powerbomb and El Gigante comes out to save Pillman (by ripping the door off) so the referee calls it at 21:50.

Rating: A. I know 1992 gets all of the praise (and rightfully so) but DANG this was an outstanding match, as you could feel the hatred and violence between the two sides. It felt like people wanting to get in there and destroy each other and it made for an instant classic. Also of note: once the field was complete, the match was over in about seven minutes. You don’t need the end of WarGames to take half an hour. WWE could learn a lot from this.

From Wrestlemania VIII.

Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan

Harvey Wippleman is here with Sid, who jumps Hogan while Real American is still going. Hogan fights back, knocks him to the floor and tears the shirt for an absolutely awesome entrance, all before the bell. Back in and we officially start with Sid knocking him down but Hogan is right there with the right hands to the floor. Sid teases walking out but comes back in to ask for a test of strength. Hogan obliges and is put on his knees until he fights up with a clothesline.

Sid is right back with a chokeslam and stops to yell at the camera, which has Monsoon rather annoyed. Some forearms to the back have Hogan in more trouble and Sid hits him in the back with Wippleman’s doctor bag. The nerve hold goes on and Hogan fights up, which has Heenan annoyed all over again. Sid is right back up with the powerbomb for two, as it’s Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects for two, with Wippleman coming in for the DQ at 12:28.

Rating: C. Yeah it’s really just an ok Hogan match at best, especially with the screwy finish. There’s only so much they could have done here, as Hogan wasn’t going to lose in his alleged retirement match. They did show some good chemistry though, as Hogan knows how to fight a monster like no one else.

Post match Hogan throws Wippleman at Sid as Papa Shango runs in (COMPLETELY missing his cue, as he was supposed to come in and break up the legdrop for the DQ, with Wippleman having to improvise). The beatdown is on….and the ULTIMATE WARRIOR returns for the save.

From Clash Of The Champions XXIII.

Sid Vicious/Vader/Rick Rude vs. Sting/Dustin Rhodes/British Bulldog

The villains have Harley Race and Colonel Robert Parker in their corner. Sting grabs a rather aggressive headlock on Rude to start but Rude powers out. The top wristlock doesn’t work so Sting gorilla presses Rude and throws him at Sid and Vader, who catch him in the air. They throw Rude back at Sting but miss, allowing Rhodes to come in and hammer away.

Vader comes in and gets knocked onto Rude, leaving Bulldog to come in instead. Sid tries his luck and gets punched around the corner, with Sting using the middle rope for a low blow. It’s back to Rhodes who hammers Vader down in the corner, followed by a rather impressive suplex. Rhodes takes too long going up and misses an elbow, allowing Vader to knock him silly with a clothesline.

Rude comes back in for the gordbuster and a rather arrogant cover. Another suplex is blocked but Sid comes back in with a clothesline for two. It’s back to Vader to unload in the corner, only to dive into the powerslam (as tends to be his nature). Rude’s Tombstone is reversed but the referee doesn’t see the tag off to Sting. Bulldog and Sting aren’t having that and come in anyway as the brawl is on. In the melee, Race slips Rude a briefcase, which knocks Rhodes out for the pin at 10:59.

Rating: B. Of course Rhodes was going to take the fall here given who all was in there, but it was a pretty fun match to see these guys beat each other up for a bit. Vader was getting to smash through people and most of the people got to be their usual impressive selves. This was good stuff with the talent involved making that pretty much expected.

Post match Sid and Vader hit a powerbomb on Bulldog but Sting gets the briefcase and cleans house.

From Survivor Series 1996.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Sid is challenging and the fans in Madison Square Garden just go nuts for him. Michaels has Jose Lothario with him. Sid gets right to the point by slugging away and knocking Michaels into the corner. Back up and Michaels grabs a headlock takeover and grinds away a bit as things slow back down (odd for Michaels but so is Sid).

For some reason Michaels tries a slugout, which doesn’t exactly work very well. Instead Michaels slips out of a gorilla press but ducks down, meaning he has to escape the powerbomb attempt. With the stand up not working, Michaels chop blocks the leg and goes Perfect with a Robinsdale Crunch. Michaels grabs the Figure Four, followed by some drops down onto the knee. Sid kicks him away though and, after shoving a camera away, runs Michaels over without much trouble.

Michaels goes right back to the knee but gets clotheslined out to the floor. A big drop onto the barricade has Michaels in trouble and Sid is limping a bit, even as the fans cheer him like never before. Back in and Sid hits a big backdrop, followed by a whip over the corner but Michaels manages to snap the throat across the top. Sid knocks him into the corner again but Michaels slugs away, setting up a slam. Michaels dives into a raised boot though and we’re off to a cobra clutch.

That sets up the chokeslam but Michaels reverses the powerbomb into a small package for two. With nothing else working, Sid grabs a camera and hits Lothario. Michaels gets in the superkick but makes the mistake of going to check on Lothario rather than covering. Back in and a middle rope crossbody hits the referee so Michaels checks on Lothario again. That’s enough of a delay for Sid to hit Michaels with the camera, followed by the powerbomb for the pin and the title at 20:02.

Rating: C+. This was a fairly slow match with the action not being great, but the crowd reaction here was fascinating. The fans were just not having it with Michaels and they let him know, with Sid getting some very strong reactions. It made for a pretty amazing spectacle and taking the title off of Michaels so he can get it back in his hometown is a pretty simple move.

Post match Lothario is stretchered out and Michaels staggers after him.

From In Your House XII: It’s Time (nice touch by the Vault as commentary was hyping this match up at the end of the Survivor Series match and they transitioned right into it).

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Bret Hart

Sid is defending and Shawn Michaels is on commentary. Hart jumps him during the entrance to start fast and gets clotheslined down for his efforts, allowing Sid to stomp away. Hart fights back and slugs away, managing to knock Sid down this time. Michaels keeps right on both of them as he doesn’t like either guy and doesn’t sound thrilled to be there either.

They head outside again, with Sid getting in a few shots of his own, only for Hart to score with a headbutt back inside. Sid dumps him over the top for a big crash to the floor but can’t hit a powerbomb out there. Instead Hart picks him up for a ram into the post and takes him back inside for a backbreaker. Some elbows stay on the bad back and we hit the reverse chinlock. With that broken up, Hart chokes away in the corner and then takes a turnbuckle pad off (odd to see from him).

A belly to back suplex gets two on Sid and the middle rope elbow to the back gets the same. Hart goes up and gets slammed back down to give Sid a needed breather. Sid kicks away a Sharpshooter attempt…and here is Steve Austin to take out Hart’s knee. Back in and Hart begs away in the corner, which doesn’t work as Sid pounds him down without much trouble.

Hart fights back but misses a charge into the exposed buckle and a chokeslam gives Sid two. A Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor, where Hart and Michaels get into it again (shocking I know). Back in and Michaels gets on the apron, with Hart being whipped into him for the crash. The powerbomb retains the title at 17:05.

Rating: B-. This was another example of Hart being able to make anything work, as he knew how to have a good match with someone like Sid. The Michaels stuff was fine as well, as he was the other third of the main event scene around this time. Sid got to do his power stuff and that was always going to work for him.

From the 1997 Royal Rumble.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels, in his hometown and with Jose Lothario, is defending (and has the flu so this might not go well). Thankfully we get at least one more instance of the SID pyro, which is one of the coolest ever. Sid shoves him down a few times to start but Michaels picks up the pace with a running crossbody, allowing him to slam Sid’s head into the mat. They go outside with Sid sending him into the apron, followed by a powerbomb to pull Michaels out of the air back inside.

The camel clutch goes on early, followed by Sid taking him outside for some rams into the post. Back in and we hit the regular chinlock, followed by the back as they keep having to find ways to let Michaels rest. Michaels breaks out but dives into a bearhug, with Sid even kneeling down this time. The big leg sets up a chinlock with a knee in Michaels’ back but he gets up and manages a slam.

There’s the flying forearm and the top rope elbow connects. The superkick is blocked though and Michaels is backdropped over the top for a big crash. The powerbomb plants Michaels on the floor and Sid grabs Lothario. That’s broken up but the referee is bumped inside. Sid’s chokeslam gets no count so another referee comes in for the rather delayed two. The other referee gets punched down so Michaels grabs the camera (ala Survivor Series) to knock Sid down for a VERY delayed near fall. The superkick gives Michaels the title back at 13:48.

Rating: D+. Yeah there wasn’t much that could be done here, as Michaels was barely able to function (for once, not his fault). That meant a lot of laying around in holds until the finish, which was the only way it could have gone. Sometimes it’s ok to set up an obvious finish and then go there, which is exactly what they did here.

From Monday Night Raw, February 17, 1997.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Bret Hart

Sid is challenging after Hart won the title last night. We’ve tried to do the match twice but Steve Austin has jumped Hart both times. Hart stomps away in the corner to start but Sid just unloads with shots to the ribs. The big whip into the corner has Hart’s back/ribs in more trouble and things slow down. Sid clotheslines him down and stomps away but Hart manages a quick backbreaker.

JR incorrectly says that Sid isn’t 6’9 on the mat before Hart hits the middle rope elbow. Sid gets his own two off a backbreaker and it’s time to choke on the ropes. Hart is able to get up and kick the leg out before jumping down onto it in the Ric Flair starter package. The Figure Four around the post has Sid in more trouble and we take a break.

We come back with Hart working on the leg in the corner until Sid drops him with a clothesline. The big legdrop gets two and a middle rope version crushes Hart for the same. A rake to the eyes breaks up the chokeslam attempt but Sid avoids a charge to send him crashing into the ropes. The powerbomb attempt is broken up and Sid is sent outside, followed by the Sharpshooter back inside. Sid tries to power out and gets quite the assist from Steve Austin, who comes in to crack Hart with a chair. The powerbomb gives Sid the pin and the title at 11:55 (the first time the title had ever been won on Raw).

Rating: C+. It wasn’t quite as good as their pay per view match but Austin screwing Hart over will never get old. Having Hart lose the title the night after he won it played into his conspiracy deal perfectly well as things were starting to get bad for him in a hurry. At the same time, Sid gets the title back and is likely headed to Wrestlemania, which is a fine way to go as he’s been around the title scene for months now.

Post match Sid celebrates until Undertaker comes out for the staredown to set up Wrestlemania.

From Wrestlemania XIII.

WWF Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

Sid is defending and Shawn Michaels is on commentary. The bell rings and they stare each other down..and Bret Hart is here. Michaels mocks Hart for not being happy about not being in the main event. Hart yells at Michaels for faking an injury (eh, exaggerating but not exactly faking), blames Undertaker for ending their friendship by slamming a cage door in his face, and saying that the title belongs to him.

Sid responds with a powerbomb and tells Hart to get out of here. Hart is carried out and the bell rings again, with Undertaker hammering him to start. A boot in the corner staggers Sid and a Stinger Splash of all things connects for Undertaker. Old School connects but Sid doesn’t actually go down, allowing him to grab Undertaker in a bearhug. That stays on for a good while and they go to the floor, with Undertaker being dropped onto the announcers’ table.

Sid rams him into the post for two back inside and we hit the camel clutch. This lets Michaels get in a great bit of psychology that so many people miss: Sid is going to stick with power because it’s what makes things work. Why would he make it more complicated than that? A powerslam gives Sid two and the slow beating continues. They head outside with Undertaker sending him into the steps for a needed breather but Sid pounds him back down. This allows commentary to point out that oh yeah this is no holds barred.

The chinlock goes on again but Undertaker fights up and hits a powerslam. Undertaker grabs a nerve hold for a bit, followed by a clothesline for two. Back up and they both hit big boots to put them both down. Michaels: “Sid can lay there all day and walk out with the championship belt.” Well not if he lays there while Undertaker covers him. Sid is back up with a middle rope ax handle and a middle rope punch to the face. Undertaker catches him up top and slams him off, setting up the always great top rope clothesline.

Lawler gets in an interesting line by suggesting that they’re both scared the other can kick out of the finisher. That’s an interesting thought but Undertaker tries the Tombstone, which Sid reverses into one of his own for two. They go outside where Hart pops up again with a chair shot to Sid’s back. An awkward looking chokeslam gets two on Sid and he avoids the jumping clothesline. The powerbomb is loaded up but Hart comes in AGAIN. This time it’s something like a Stunner over the top to send Sid into the Tombstone to give Undertaker the title at 21:23.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen this match a bunch of times and it’s not overly good. They had similar styles and it didn’t make for the most thrilling match. The best part is probably Michaels burying Hart on commentary, which never gets old. It didn’t help that this was coming after the all time classic of Hart vs. Austin, but I get why you want to close Wrestlemania with the title change.

Post match Undertaker poses for a good while, with JR getting in the awesome line of “the WWF Title lives in the Dark Side!”.

From ECW Guilty As Charged 1999.

Judge Jeff Jones isn’t happy with Kronus for attacking him so he is sentencing him to pain. Guess who is providing said pain.

Sid Vicious vs. Kronus

Kronus hammers on Sid to start and that goes very badly. Sid chokeslams him over the top and through a table, followed by some chair shots to the back. The fans demand and receive a powerbomb and Kronus is done at 1:31. To say the fans lose their minds is an understatement as Sid is as over as free beer in a frat house. Sid’s bizarre charisma and power style were tailor made for a short run in ECW and I’m not surprise in the slightest that the fans went that nuts. Nothing match of course, but Sid in ECW is a great thing to see, as it couldn’t have gone much better.

The fact that we’re skipping multiple WCW World Titles in the late 90s is rather telling of how bad things were back then.

Overall Rating: B-. After he passed away, someone said that Sid was the person who looked most like a wrestler and….yeah I can see it. If you look at him, “professional wrestler” probably comes to mind. He was big, he was scary, he was in good shape and he felt just a bit off. It was an odd charisma that always worked and it’s a big reason why he became such a star.

No the matches weren’t very good a lot of the time, but that’s kind of the point. Sid worked because he fit the mold of a wrestler and that’s hard to break. There’s a reason he had two Wrestlemania matches and both of them were the main event (a feat which will likely never be duplicated): he worked very well in short runs, which is what made his career such a success.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 2012
Date: August 19, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,205
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So Brock Lesnar is back and someone has to stop him. Naturally in this case that means HHH, who is still one of the most important people in the company. Lesnar broke HHH’s arm so HHH is back in the ring to get some revenge. That is pretty much the entire focus of the show, along with the required World Title matches. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Santino Marella vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro (and yes, Antonio Cesaro), with Aksana, is challenging and gets to say “greatest” in five languages before his match (and yes, we were supposed to be surprised when this didn’t get over). They grapple to the mat to start and Marella can actually hang with him down there, followed by a judo throw to bring Cesaro down.

Cesaro breaks out of an armbar without much trouble but Marella is already loading up the Cobra. That’s not happening either so Cesaro takes him to the mat for a chinlock with a knee in Marella’s back. Marella gets up and suplexes Cesaro down but the Cobra is ripped up. Marella fights back and pulls out another Cobra, only for Aksana to offer a distraction. The Neutralizer gives Cesaro the pin and the title at 5:09.

Rating: C. That’s all it should have been as Cesaro wasn’t going to be in any danger against a joke like Marella. The point in putting the title on Marella was to have him lose it in dominant fashion against a big threat and that’s what we got here. The match was nothing of note but that wasn’t the point, as Cesaro basically mauled him in the end.

The opening video looks at the history of Summerslam before shifting to Lesnar vs. HHH. The other matches are basically ignored, as this is all that matters.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Ziggler is Mr. Money In The Bank and has Vickie Guerrero with him while Jericho only has bad ribs (thanks to Ziggler on Smackdown). Ziggler bails out to the floor to start so Jericho gives chase, setting up a running elbow to the jaw back inside. With the running stuff not working, Ziggler gets smart by going after the ribs to take over. An ax handle to the ribs gets two but Jericho is back up with a backdrop to the floor (with a heck of a bump from Ziggler).

Jericho does the Hogan hand to the ear but misses the triangle…well it wasn’t going to be a dropkick even if it hit. Back in and Ziggler takes him down into some kind of a rib stretch, followed by a Stinger Splash for two. A neckbreaker lets Ziggler mock the arrogant cover for two more but another Stinger Splash misses. Jericho hits the middle rope ax handle but gets sent into the corner again, allowing Ziggler to hit the Fameasser for two.

The enziguri gives Jericho two of his own but Ziggler is right back with a rather messy looking sleeper. That’s broken up (because it’s a sleeper) so Jericho catches him on top with a super hurricanrana and they both crash down. The running DDT gives Ziggler two and the Zig Zag gets the same, leaving Vickie screaming on the floor.

Back up and Jericho hits a quick Codebreaker but Ziggler rolls out to the floor. Vickie grabs the leg so Jericho can get two off a small package, leaving her screaming again. The Liontamer makes Ziggler tap at 13:04. This is described as Jericho “winning the big one” at Summerslam and….really? He’s won matches at Summerslam before but THIS is the big one?

Rating: B-. The match was fine as you would expect, but I’m not buying this being Jericho winning “the big one” at Summerslam. Jericho is a former multiple time World Champion and has main evented Wrestlemania. Having him win an opener against someone like Ziggler doesn’t feel like a major accomplishment, but rather just something he happens to be doing here.

We look at Brock Lesnar breaking Shawn Michaels’ arm on Raw, which even Paul Heyman thinks might be too far.

Heyman announces that HHH has talked the referee into letting them go a bit further tonight. Lesnar says HHH is in a fight he can’t win, with Heyman saying the two words are “tap out”.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

So they’re both having trouble dealing with anger, including Bryan being VERY angry that the fans are cheering for him, even if it’s more mocking this time. Bryan kicks away at the ribs to start before moonsaulting over Kane, who plants him with a slam. The basement dropkick gets one and Kane throws him hard out to the floor. Bryan gets in a shot on the floor though and the missle dropkick gets two back inside.

The fans get to Bryan again but he fires off the YES Kicks anyway. The big kick to the head misses (as it almost always does) though and Kane drops him with a hard clothesline. Kane’s side slam gets two as the loose string on his boot is driving me crazy. There’s the top rope clothesline for two but Bryan escapes the chokeslam and bails outside.

Back in and Bryan hits him in the face, which goes about as well as you probably expect. Bryan goes for the arm though and now the big kick to the head connects. The top rope headbutt is countered into a chokeslam but the Tombstone is countered into a small package (ignore Kane’s shoulder being up) for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: C+. This was another fun one, as Bryan gets to work in his small package, which has been a near trademark for him over the years. The double anger management thing was a good touch and the two of them worked well together in any capacity. If nothing else, this was a lot better than the rumored deal with Charlie Sheen for Bryan, as he and Kane would wind up having a heck of a run together as a team shortly after this.

Post match Kane stalks Bryan to the back, shouting WHERE IS HE and breaking various things (including Josh Matthews).

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Mysterio, as Batman, is challenging but Miz tops him by bringing back the awesome AWESOME balloons for his own entrance. Miz gets in an early knockdown to start so Mysterio grabs a rollup for two, sending him outside. They trade spots a few times, allowing Mysterio to dropkick him through the ropes.

Back in and Miz fires off some kicks, setting up a torture rack dropped into a backbreaker for two. A kick to the head gives Miz two and we hit the cravate. Miz hits a clothesline from his knees for another near fall but Mysterio catches him up top. The top rope seated senton starts the comeback but Miz is right there with a snazzy slingshot sitout powerbomb. Mysterio is back up with a 619 so he tries to Drop The Dime, which is pulled out of the air. That’s reversed into a cradle for two but Miz is right back with the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin to retain at 9:09.

Rating: C+. This was a match that could have been on any given Raw and again that’s not exactly Summerslam worthy. I can always go for the Miz, but this was just he and Mysterio having a match which came and went without doing much of anything. Totally fine and watchable stuff, but for a Monday night in the middle of May, not at the Staples Center at Summerslam.

Eve Torres and Teddy Long think Raw GM AJ Lee is a bit nuts. They leave and CM Punk goes in to see Lee, saying that he doesn’t like being in a triple threat for his title. Punk thinks it’s because he turned down her proposal (Lee was….something at this point), though Lee won’t say anything. He says that’s rather disrespectful, but promises to defend the title tonight. Then tomorrow on Raw, she’ll be forced to show him respect. Lee continues to look off into space and not say a word as Punk leaves.

We recap Alberto Del Rio challenging Sheamus for the Smackdown World Title. Del Rio said Sheamus was beneath him and wanted the title, which is the entire point of the feud. Sheamus stole Del Rio’s car and drove it around San Antonio before leaving the car a mess. Del Rio teased getting Sheamus arrested but had fake cops beat Sheamus up instead. The match was still on for Summerslam.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus

Sheamus is defending and Ricardo Rodriguez is here with Del Rio (ok I had forgotten how good the personalized ring announcing can be). They start fast and go to the floor, with both of them being sent into a hard object. Back in and Del Rio kicks him in the head, followed by another one to the bad arm to put Sheamus in trouble. The cross armbreaker is easily countered into the Regal Roll for two but Del Rio kicks him in the arm again.

Another cross armbreaker attempt is cut off but the Brogue Kick misses as well. Del Rio knocks him outside, followed by a top rope chop to the head for two back inside. More kicks have Sheamus in trouble but he fights up with the raw power. Del Rio goes right back to the arm to knock him out of the air though and the cross armbreaker finally goes on.

That’s broken up with quite the powerbomb, followed by White Noise for two. The Brogue Kick is blocked so Sheamus hits the ten forearms to the chest. Del Rio kicks him in the head for two so Rodriguez throws in a shoe. That’s intercepted and Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for the pin, but Del Rio’s foot is on the rope…and it doesn’t matter as Sheamus knocks it off and gets the win at 11:23.

Rating: B-. This is a basic story that makes perfect sense, but that doesn’t make it interesting. I remember watching this feud as it played out and there was never a moment where I felt invested in the story. It’s just Sheamus having matches with someone who felt beneath him and that wasn’t going to work. The stuff with the car was fine, but Del Rio didn’t feel like a threat to win the title, which sums up a lot of the issues he had after around 2011 or so.

Sheamus’ “oh well” shrug and smile are great. Del Rio blames Rodriguez for the loss and walks out.

Earlier today, HHH told the referee to let he and Brock Lesnar fight tonight.

Tag Team Titles: Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

Kingston and R-Truth are defending. The serious R-Truth jumps Young to start and hammers away. Young drives him into the corner though and hands it off to O’Neil for some barking. A front facelock slows R-Truth down but he’s back up with a kick to the face. Kingston comes in to clean house, including the Boom Drop to O’Neil.

The chase around the ring goes badly for Kingston though as a cheap shot lets the villains take over. O’Neil suplexes Young onto Kingston for two. Commentary discusses Little Jimmy’s parentage as O’Neil puts on an abdominal stretch. That’s broken up and it’s back to R-Truth as everything breaks down. Young grabs a rollup for two but walks into Little Jimmy for the pin to retain at 7:03.

Rating: C-. If there has been a recurring theme on this show, it’s “this doesn’t feel like it belongs on Summerslam” and this match is the poster child for those issues. This would have been dull on any given edition of Raw and it wasn’t any better here. I get that you need a bit of a breather between two of the bigger matches, but as usual, the Tag Team Titles do not feel remotely important. It’s not the wrestlers’ fault as they had a decent enough match, but dang this felt out of place.

We look at WWE taking over Los Angeles.

We recap CM Punk defending the Raw World Title against John Cena and Big Show. Punk got tired of the lack of respect despite being World Champion and turned evil by attacking Cena. In addition, Show has been knocking people out to keep himself involved as well. Rather kooky General Manager AJ Lee made it a triple threat to torment Punk, who is all about getting respect.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Punk is defending. Show drops both of them to dominate early and hits the big chops. A double suplex sends Cena and Punk flying and Show knocks Cena outside. Back up and Punk gets smart by kicking the leg out as the fans are rather pro-Punk. Cena comes back in and gets kicked down for two, only for Show to stand on Punk’s back. Show sends Cena outside again and pulls a springboarding Punk out of the air to plant him down.

Back in and Cena gets speared down for two, setting up a Vader Bomb. Punk moves out of the way so Cena gets fully crushed, leaving Punk to be chokeslammed against the ropes. The side slam plants Cena as this has been almost all Show. Cena is back up with the ProtoBomb to drop Show but Punk is right there to break up the Shuffle. Punk drops a top rope elbow for two, with the kickout sending him flying.

Another kick to the head sets up a Koji Clutch, which is broken up in short order. Cena gets Show in the STF but it’s countered as well. Punk gets the Koji Clutch on Show again but Cena adds the STF and Show taps at 12:34. Punk and Cena both celebrate but there’s no ruling. Cue AJ Lee to say restart the match, so Show chokeslams both of them for two each. The KO Punch misses though and Cena gives Show the AA, only to be thrown outside so Punk can steal the pin to retain at 14:28.

Rating: B-. Show looked dominant, but the double submission took a lot of that away in a hurry. I didn’t even remember this match taking place here and that’s because, and I hate to sound like such a corrupted mp3 (because my goodness it’s time enough to get a new metaphor) but this isn’t something that felt worthy of being on Summerslam. It’s just another triple threat that feels like what you do when you don’t have a good enough idea. AJ being all crazy and messing with Punk is fine, but find a better way to do it.

Celebrities are here!

We look at the new WWE movie, the Day. It had no wrestlers in prominent roles, got bad reviews and made $20,000 in theaters.

We look at Cesaro winning the US Title on the pre-show.

Kevin Rudolph sings the theme song. Were we really short on time here or something? Various WWE women come out to dance, with Michael Cole doing the same on commentary.

We recap HHH vs. Brock Lesnar. Basically Lesnar had a bunch of demands, like a looser schedule, Vince McMahon’s private jet and more money, but HHH said no chance. Lesnar broke HHH’s arm and a few months later, the match was set for Summerslam. This led to an almost bizarre visual of Stephanie McMahon arguing with Paul Heyman, which might have been even more entertaining. Lesnar responded by breaking Shawn Michaels’ arm as well and the match was on.

HHH vs. Brock Lesnar

The rules are slightly relaxed here and Lesnar has Paul Heyman with him. Lesnar powers him into the corner to start but the Kimura is blocked. HHH clotheslines him to the floor and hits the running knee to put Lesnar down for a breather. Another clothesline puts Lesnar on the floor and Heyman tells him to slow it down. Back in and Lesnar takes the gloves off before knocking HHH outside.

The previously broken arm is dropped onto the announcers’ table as HHH is in trouble. Back in and HHH slugs away but gets cut off with a German suplex. They go back outside and the bad arm is sent into the steps. HHH gets sent over the announcers’ table, followed by a hard clothesline back inside.

HHH fights back and tries the Pedigree but gets sent back to the floor, with the arm getting banged up again. Lesnar goes after him but HHH sends him ribs first into the announcers’ table, leaving Lesnar in trouble. Back in and HHH fires off the knees to the ribs, followed by the spinebuster. The Pedigree gets two so Lesnar hits him low for a breather. The F5 gives Lesnar two (Heyman: “WHAT DOES IT TAKE?”) so the Kimura goes on. That’s broken up and HHH hits another Pedigree, only to get caught in the Kimura for the tap at 18:43.

Rating: B. I guess you can call this the match of the night, as it’s the only match on the show that was treated as a big deal. It wasn’t exactly in doubt as HHH isn’t going to beat Lesnar at Summerslam (he would of course save that for Wrestlemania), which left this as kind of an “ok, and then what?” feeling. The stuff with the arm worked as a story, but it was a question of how Lesnar would win rather than would he win.

Post match Lesnar and Heyman leave, with HHH doing the big dramatic stand as the fans cheer for him. HHH: “I’m sorry.” Somehow this feud would continue for about eight more months, with HHH winning at Wrestlemania (of course) and Lesnar beating him at Extreme Rules to wrap it up and finally move on to something new.

Overall Rating: C+. The show isn’t bad as a whole, but there is a reason I saw this on the list and could barely remember anything about it. Outside of the main event, this is as nothing of a Summerslam as you’ll ever find, with pretty much nothing important happening here. So much of this show feels like it’s setting up something else for later and that’s not what I’m wanting out of one of the biggest events of the year. I get the idea of building off of this, but there was just nothing going on here and it’s a totally forgettable show as a result.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 2, 2008
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

It’s the last ECW before Unforgiven and I have no idea what they’re going to do with this week. At the end of the day, there is nothing left for them to do before the Championship Scramble and that isn’t overly promising. These shows are only so interesting in the first place and this isn’t giving me much more hope. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Killer Kowalski.

We open with the Dirt Sheet, with John Morrison saying he once beat Stephen Hawkins at Parcheesi 44 times in a row. Miz is ready to win the ECW Title in his hometown at Unforgiven, even if Morrison didn’t qualify. Morrison says he’s been to the top of the mountain and had time to drink a soda (I shouldn’t be chuckling this much at John Morrison), that is bogus.

With that out of the way, here is our first guest, so cue ECW Champion Mark Henry, with Tony Atlas. Morrison says this will be better tonight and they won’t even make fun of Henry’s belt extender. Henry isn’t happy but here is second guest, Chavo Guerrero, with his theme music replaced by a Miz and Morrison performed hummed version (Henry is completely unable to hide his smile).

Chavo isn’t happy, so Morrison tells Kerwin in the truck to come see him after the show. Chavo wants his ECW Title back but Morrison says he lost it like six months ago so he should be over it. We move on to Finlay, who can’t be here tonight because he couldn’t find a babysitter for Hornswoggle. Instead, we have Finlay’s family, which is Morrison and Miz on the Titantron in front of a bar, doing some very bad Irish accents.

Miz starts doing a dance and everyone is just openly smiling and laughing. The real Finlay and Hornswoggle come out, with Hornswoggle kicking Uncle Miz in the leg. Morrison is ready to bring out Jeff Hardy (Miz: “It’s Matt.” Morrison: “Whatever.”), who Finlay remembers beating Morrison to qualify for the Scramble. Hardy mocks everyone, including Bam Neely, but Henry doesn’t want to hear this.

Henry threatens Hardy, who hopes that Atlas gets some rest on Saturday because he has a lot of saves to make at Unforgiven. Morrison and Miz jump Hardy and the brawl is on so here are Tommy Dreamer and Evan Bourne to get in on this. Nothing special brawl, absolutely hilarious stuff from Miz and Morrison.

Post break the fight almost breaks out again in the back but Teddy Long makes the eight man tag. And don’t worry about ruining the Dirt Sheet, because it was ruined when Miz started talking.

Gavin Spears vs. Super Crazy

Spears says this is his second chance to make a first impression and he’s ready to go. Crazy spins out of a wristlock to start and pulls Spears into a quickly escaped leglock. Back up and Spears fires off some knees to the chest before going with a more basic stomp to the back of Crazy’s head. Crazy fights up and gets taken right back down and Spears grabs something like a crossface. That’s broken up as well and Crazy kicks him down, setting up a quick moonsault for the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s pretty easy to see why Spears didn’t take on his first attempt on the main roster. Nothing he did here stood out in any way and it made for a dull match. Crazy was a fine choice to work with him as Crazy can do stuff with just about anyone, but this wasn’t working and it showed badly.

Ricky Ortiz vs. Ryan Braddock

Ortiz, who is still undefeated, manages to get about a dozen people spinning his towel. If you can’t get that over in Pittsburgh, just pack it in already man. Braddock grabs a headlock to start but Ortiz fights out. That doesn’t last long either as Braddock comes back with a middle rope knee to the head for two.

Striker makes a Welcome Back Kotter reference and I dislike that I’m smiling a bit as a result. Ortiz fights out of a chinlock so Braddock knees him in the head. The chinlock goes on again for a bit longer this time but Ortiz gets up again. A sitout powerslam sets up a middle rope shoulder, followed by the Big O to give Ortiz the pin.

Rating: C. Ortiz is the definition of “he’s there” and that’s not going to work long term. There was nothing to the match and nothing makes Ortiz stand out. The deal is that he’s undefeated and in theory he’ll put over a bigger name eventually, but that doesn’t make this any easier to watch. Braddock was nothing more than a warm body for Ortiz to beat up, though Braddock does at least have a decent look.

Raw Rebound, focusing entirely on Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho, with the title situation not even being mentioned.

WWE is at the Republican National Convention.

Unforgiven rundown.

Evan Bourne/Tommy Dreamer/Matt Hardy/Finlay vs. John Morrison/Chavo Guerrero/Mark Henry/Miz

The respective seconds are here too. Hardy and Morrison start things off before Dreamer comes in to take over. Finlay adds a clothesline but gets taken into the corner for the tag off to Guerrero. An atomic drop gets Finlay out of trouble and another clothesline connects. Finlay is back up and ties Chavo in the ring skirt so Hornswoggle can take Neely out as we take a break.

Back with what sounds like Morrison calling Hornswoggle a bet wetter, plus Guerrero giving Bourne a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Bourne is back up to kick Miz down and a standing moonsault gets two. Henry comes in to launch Bourne into the air for a crash and it’s back to Miz for a chinlock.

Bourne gets sent outside for a stomping from Neely, and a running knee from Morrison, which is at least more legal. The chinlock goes on back inside and Bourne is driven back into the corner for daring to fight up. Bourne finally manages a hurricanrana to Guerrero and it’s off to Dreamer to clean house. A bulldog gets two on Guerrero but Henry comes in to start the smashing.

Some knees in the corner set up a crossface chickenwing from Guerrero but Dreamer is out pretty quickly. Hardy comes back in, only for Henry to drop him with a clothesline. The splash misses though and Broune is up with the shooting star press. Dreamer adds a frog splash and Finlay clears out the rest of the team. The Twist Of Fate gives Hardy the pin to quite the crowd reaction.

Rating: B-. This worked rather well and felt like a big time house show main event. Above all else, I’ll take it over the usual matches we see around here. It helps when you have a match to build towards rather than just doing the same stuff over and over again. Hardy continues to feel like the biggest star around here and building around him is far from a bad idea. The rest of the people did fine, but this was about Hardy and Henry, which makes sense.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event was the only match that was worth seeing and they actually did a nice job of setting things up for Sunday’s title match. Throw in the outstandingly funny opening segment and it was more than enough to carry the other lame matches. It wasn’t a great show or anything, but I laughed more than once at the Dirt Sheet and I’ll take that every time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: August 26, 2008
Location: Wachovia Center, Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

We’re coming up on Unforgiven and that doesn’t mean much around here, as the ECW Title is just kind of floating around. That leaves champion Mark Henry without much to do and hopefully that is addressed this week. The show could use a nice boost, but that has been the case for a good while now. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Tiffany to introduce Teddy Long for a chat. Long gets right to the point: ECW is going to have its own Championship Scramble at Unforgiven. He won’t explain the rules because they’re on WWE.com, but tonight it’s time for a bunch of qualifying matches.

Championship Scramble Qualifying Match: Matt Hardy vs. John Morrison

Their pants are far more similar than they should be. Hardy headlocks him down to start but Morrison fights out, only to be sent crashing out to the floor. Back in and Hardy is sent face first into the buckle, setting up the chinlock. A neckbreaker gives Morrison two but Starship Pain completely misses. Hardy pulls him out of the corner for a sitout powerbomb and the Side Effect gets two more. Back up and Morrison sends him crashing out to the floor so we can take a break.

We come back with Hardy fighting out of a chinlock so Morrison Russian legsweeps him for two. The Moonlight Drive is blocked so Morrison goes simple by just hammering on Hardy’s face. Morrison’s running knee gets two and the chinlock goes on again. Hardy fights up and hits the middle rope elbow to the back of the head for a quick two. Morrison’s backslide with feet on the ropes gets the same and they trade rollups for two each. The Flying Chuck drops Hardy for another near fall before a double clothesline takes them both down. Back up and the Moonlight Drive is countered into the Twist Of Fate to give Hardy the win.

Rating: B. This took its time to get going and wound up being a heck of a match with both of them working rather hard. The good thing is that while Hardy is a star and the likely winner, Morrison is just good enough to be a realistic threat. I had a good time with this one and it was one of the best matches ECW has had in a very long time.

Long and Tiffany are excited about Matt Hardy qualifying (Tiffany especially so) when Mark Henry and Tony Atlas come in to complain about the Championship Scramble. Long really doesn’t want to hear it.

Raw Rebound.

Championship Scramble Qualifying Match: The Miz vs. Evan Bourne

Bourne gets an early two off a rollup and grabs a hammerlock. Miz’s rollup gets two and Bourne armdrags him right back down into an armbar. Back up and Bourne hits a nice dropkick, only to be thrown out of the corner for a crash out to the floor. Miz stomps away back inside and grabs a seated abdominal stretch.

A release gordbuster gives Miz two and he grabs the bodyscissors. Bourne breaks out without much effort and kicks him in the head (simple, but effective) for two. The standing moonsault gets two more and Bourne takes him up top, where Miz avoids a super hurricanrana to crotch Bourne on top. The Reality Check gives Miz the fast pin.

Rating: C+. It wasn’t exactly a great match but Miz’s rise is a nice thing to see. He absolutely has the talent to do something, but he started so low on the totem pole that it’s taking time for him to find his footing. He was perfectly competent looking here though and that’s a great sign for his future.

Championship Scramble Qualifying Match: Chavo Guerrero vs. Tommy Dreamer

Bam Neely is here with Chavo. Dreamer grabs an early armdrag into a quickly broken armbar. Chavo takes over and stomps away, setting up an abdominal stretch. With that not lasting long, Dreamer knocks him out of the air and a backdrop puts Chavo down again. A running powerslam gives Dreamer two but Neely offers a distraction. Chavo sends them together and snaps Dreamer’s throat across the top. The frog splash gives Chavo the win.

Rating: C. They kept this short and that’s the right idea. While I could see Dreamer getting into the title match, it’s better to keep him away from higher profile matches. Chavo is another example of someone who can be slotted into the title match and work well at making anyone else look better. He might be a bit uninteresting, but that’s a valuable role to fill.

Josh Matthews, Candice Michelle and Batista are at the Democratic National Convention in Denver, telling people to vote.

Championship Scramble Qualifying Match: Finlay vs. Mike Knox

Hornswoggle is here with Finlay and these two have been brawling lately. An aggressive lockup goes nowhere to start so Finlay goes with a headlock, earning himself a shoulder back down. Knox powers him up against the ropes and they go to the floor, where Knox clotheslines the post by mistake. We take a break and come back with Finlay working on the arm with a hammerlock. Back up and the arm gets wrapped around the rope, with Knox bailing out to the floor.

A powerslam gets Knox out of trouble and he takes Finlay back inside for the running crotch attack. We hit the chinlock with a knee in Finlay’s back for a good while before Knox drives him into the corner. Knox makes the mistake of going after Hornswoggle though, earning a clothesline to the floor. Back in and Knox boots him down for two and it’s time to go after the shillelagh. The referee takes it away so Hornswoggle throws in another one, which knocks Knox cold for the pin.

Rating: C+. I can appreciate the idea of tying the established feud into the Championship Scramble stuff, as it’s nice to cover two birds with one match. It’s also nice to see Finlay dispatch Knox, who hasn’t exactly done much to make him stand out. Finlay is another guy who makes for an interesting addition to the title match and should be a good final addition to the field.

Finlay and Hornswoggle dance with some kids to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Definitely a better show than usual here, which is mainly due to everything feeling like it had a point. It’s really dull to see a bunch of filler on a show that only runs for an hour a week so this was at least a lot more focused. The opener is rather good too and that was enough to boost up the rest of the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: August 12, 2008
Location: Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Todd Phillips, Matt Striker

We’re closing in on Summerslam and the ECW Title match between Mark Henry and Matt Hardy. Unfortunately that’s about the only important thing going on around here and that has made for some very dry shows in recent weeks. Hopefully it can change this week as we have Tommy Dreamer vs. Colin Delaney in an Extreme Rules match. Uh, joy. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Commentary hypes up the main event (Matt Hardy/Mark Henry vs. Miz/John Morrison), with Striker saying Summerslam is “less than one work week away”. It’s also less than a normal week away, but Striker has to try to sound smarter than he really is.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Colin Delaney

Extreme Rules. Delaney tries to run away to start but can’t even do that right, meaning Dreamer can catch him in the aisle and hammer away. Dreamer’s punch hits the post though and Delaney sends him into the steps to take over. Delaney’s trashcan lid shot is kendo sticked out of the air and a pumphandle throw with the stick has Delaney in even more trouble. The running dropkick against the trashcan in the Tree of Woe rocks Delaney even more but a middle rope trashcan lid shot only hits mat. Delaney misses a middle rope legdrop though and a DDT onto a stop sign gives Dreamer the pin.

Rating: C. Not much to this one, but that’s kind of the point. Delaney was never presented as any kind of a threat and was little more than a nuisance to Dreamer, who beat him up without much trouble. It’s kind of nice to see them go with the straightforward approach here, as there was no reason to do anything else.

Miz and John Morrison look back at last week’s debut of the Dirt Sheet, and brag about their comedy chops. They’re the Pineapple Express of WWE.

Smackdown Rebound.

Bam Neely vs. Evan Bourne

Neely has a concussion but is ordered to fight at Chavo Guerrero’s (at ringside) insistence. Bourne kicks away in the corner to start but Chavo’s distraction lets Neely knock him to the floor. Back in and a clothesline gives Neely two and we hit the neck crank. Bourne fights up and strikes away, setting up a DDT. Air Bourne finishes Neely off.

Rating: C. Again: Bourne is being treated as something different and it’s working. Just having him win so often is a totally different presentation and it’s helping a lot. There is always room for a high flier with an awesome looking finish and if Bourne can go beyond that, he’ll have quite the bright future.

Tiffany is in Teddy Long’s office when Armando Estrada comes in to have Long sign his new contract. Long signs the contract and says we’re going to celebrate, with Tiffany bringing over some champagne for a toast. Estrada is in action tonight, and it’s up next. Against Finlay.

Finlay vs. Armando Estrada

Hornswoggle is here with Finlay. They fight over a lockup to start until Finlay knocks him down and grabs an early chinlock. Finlay takes him outside for a ram into the apron as Mike Knox comes out to watch. The distraction doesn’t really work as Finlay comes back in to work on an armbar before going after the ribs. Another attempt at the distraction does work though and Estrada drops him onto the rope. Estrada’s chinlock goes on for a bit before Finlay fights up…and it knocked right back into the chinlock. Finlay isn’t having that and hits the Celtic Cross (not Emerald Fusion Striker) for the pin.

Rating: C. Another fairly slow paced match here but that was kind of the point. You’re only going to get so much out of a match from Estrada and this was about setting up more from Knox vs. Finlay anyway. Finlay is getting a nice push around here and he’s certainly better than some of the other options.

Post match Finlay brings a fan in to dance with him for the nice moment.

Ricky Ortiz comes in to see Teddy Long and Tiffany and debuts his new merchandising idea: a rally towel. Long doesn’t quite get it but Ortiz wants Long to pay for 50,000 of them. We’ll see about that if he can prove his worth going forward, including a new Superstar next week. Tiffany likes the towel.

Summerslam rundown.

Matt Hardy and Mark Henry don’t trust each other before the main event.

Mark Henry/Matt Hardy vs. Miz/John Morrison

Tony Atlas is here with Henry and Hardy. The rather annoyed Henry clears the other villains out without much trouble to start and Hardy approves. We take a break and come back with Henry slowly pounding Morrison down as Striker says Miz and Morrison should still be Tag Team Champions because they weren’t pinned in a triple threat title match. Hardy’s running bulldog out of the corner gets two on Miz, who bails out to the floor.

Hardy follows him but gets driven into the steps to let the villains take over. Back in and Morrison hammers on Hardy in the corner, setting up the Russian legsweep for two. Morrison works on the back and ribs as Striker talks about chess and yoga. Hardy gets in a cheap shot and goes up, where he gets caught but hits a middle rope Side Effect….for the delayed pin. Oh something went VERY wrong there as that was either mistimed or Morrison was hurt.

Rating: C. The match was nothing special but I’m curious what happened with the ending. I would bet on Morrison getting hurt as the match just stopped cold and there was nothing to indicate it was planned to go that way. Odds are they didn’t have much time left, but something was absolutely off from what they had planned.

Post match Miz checks on Morrison before Henry kicks Miz to the floor (never touching Morrison). Henry insists his hand is raised and then raises Hardy’s hand. Then gives him the World’s Strongest Slam.

Overall Rating: C+. It’s not a good sign when all four matches have the same middle of the road rating but it oddly made for a better show than we’ve gotten in recent weeks. There was nothing that really stood out, but they’ve done a decent enough job of making me want to see Hardy vs. Henry. Now they still need to make it work, but I’ll take a start over nothing at all.

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