Halloween Havoc 1994
Date: October 23, 1994
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Someone requested this show and I haven’t watched any WCW in a VERY long time now. It’s as good of a time as any as I could go for a little pallet cleanser. Hulk Hogan has shown up and that means it’s time to put everything around him. You have to get rid of some big names at the same time, so the big main event is Hogan vs. Ric Flair in a cage, title/career vs. career. Hint hint. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a weird music video deal about Hogan vs. Flair. Just imagine what WCW would come up with in this situation and you know what you’re in for.

I do miss that Halloween Havoc logo with the two sides coming together and the light shining.

The announcers welcome us to the show and Heenan, in a neck brace, talks about great things that have come out Detroit, mainly focusing on wrestling. All of that is going to pale in comparison to the END OF HULKAMANIA right here tonight.

T. Graham Brown, the latest country singer that WCW thought people would care about, sings the National Anthem.

TV Title: Johnny B. Badd vs. Honky Tonk Man

Badd is defending and WOW I always forget that Honky Tonk was in WCW because it’s just so random and terrible. Like, this was low even for WCW. Hold on though as Badd has to launch the Badd Blasters (confetti guns) before we can get going. Honky Tonk hides in the corner to start before Badd wristlocks him down and drops a leg on the arm for a bonus. The always funny atomic drop lets Badd mess with Honky Tonk’s hair and it’s time for a breather on the floor.

We’ll use said breather to look at Sting on the WCW Hotline (if you’re a real fan, you know the number and charges by heart). Not hear him mind you, but watching him talk. Back in and Honky Tonk sends him into the buckle, followed by an elbow to the face to put Badd down. We’re in the chinlock less than three and a half minutes in, which is a really bad sign in the first match of a pay per view.

Honky Tonk chokes on the ropes and we FINALLY acknowledge one Muhammad Ali in the front row. But we have time for T. Graham Brown??? Badd gets two off a sunset flip and we hit the chinlock at five minutes of the ten minute time limit. The comeback doesn’t take long as Badd hits a pair of slams but misses an elbow, allowing us to hit the chinlock again. Badd is up again with more rights and lefts, only to get sent into the ropes with three minutes left.

Never being that smart, Honky Tonk throws him outside and drops an ax handle as time keeps going by. Back in and we hit ANOTHER chinlock as Heenan is nearly screaming at Honky Tonk to GET GOING ALREADY. Badd makes another comeback and sends him into the buckle with less than a minute to go. The Kiss That Don’t Miss misses and Honky Tonk hits a belly to back suplex (Heenan: “COVER HIM!!!!”) gets no cover. They roll around on the mat until time expires at 10:02.

Rating: F. Are you kidding me? They had a ten minute match and needed THREE CHINLOCKS to get through the thing? I know Honky Tonk Man was an awesome heel at one point but come on already. Badd’s finisher is a punch and you can’t work an armbar? This felt so far out of place and comes off like one of Hogan’s buddies getting a job and absolutely nothing more. Terrible match and now I’m supposed to want to see them fight again in a rematch? Is there any wonder why it was so easy to fire Honky Tonk Man?

Badd beats him up post match.

Video on Hogan vs. Flair, including the masked man who attacked Hogan in a recreation of the Tonya Harding incident. That was supposed to be Mr. Perfect but contractual issues kept it from happening. Also, Mr. T., the guest referee in tonight’s main event, may be in cahoots with Ric Flair.

Heenan isn’t worried because Flair can just go for the knee and he’s guaranteed to win.

Tag Team Titles: Pretty Wonderful vs. Stars And Stripes

Pretty Wonderful (Paul Orndorff/Paul Roma) are challenging against Marcus Bagwell/The Patriot. Orndorff and Patriot start things off with a lockup that goes nowhere. Heenan thinks Patriot is Al Gore as everything breaks down early on. Bagwell is left alone in the ring as Heenan thinks we have a long way to go yet. Back in and Orndorff gets caught between both champs so it’s Roma coming in and getting his arm cranked.

Roma slams Bagwell down, runs up the corner and turns around for a top rope forearm to the chest (cool). Heenan: “What a great cat burglar he’d be.” Bagwell is back up and grabs an armbar, setting up a top rope sunset flip for two. Orndorff comes in and gets taken down as well as the champs are way too fast for them to start. A few slams put Orndorff down again and a clothesline puts him outside.

Orndorff finally gets Bagwell down with a headlock and it’s Roma dropping an elbow to really put him in trouble. A little too much taunting lets Bagwell knock Roma into the corner though and it’s Patriot coming back in to work on Roma’s arm. Bagwell cranks on the arm as well but gets driven into the corner so Orndorff can get in a cheap shot from the apron. Roma’s top rope elbow to the ribs keeps Bagwell in trouble as the assortment of forearms and punches continues.

The announcers ignore the match to talk about sights of Detroit and Hogan vs. Flair because Roma slowly beating up Bagwell isn’t all that interesting. Roma goes WAY too high on a dropkick and misses Bagwell, who gets in a headscissors but Orndorff cuts him off again. At least they can do the formula stuff well enough, even if the execution isn’t the best.

A hard clothesline drops Bagwell again and Orndorff sends him face first into the mat. Bagwell blocks a suplex though and gets over for the hot…well not a tag actually as Patriot just comes in and everything breaks down. The Yellowjacket suplex (fisherman’s suplex) has Orndorff down so Roma comes in off the top with an elbow to break it up and give Orndorff the pin and the titles at 13:47.

Rating: D+. This was pretty dull at times but it was miles ahead of the opener. Patriot was one of about a million partners Bagwell had (Like last year, when he and 2 Cold Scorpio lost the titles to the Nasty Boys at Halloween Havoc 1993 in the exact same finish. WCW was not good with fresh ideas.) and it’s not like the team was all that big of a deal. Orndorff was another of Hogan’s friends but at least he was a bigger star, better in the ring and had been pushed before Hogan showed up. Not a very good match but I can go for the formula stuff most of the time.

Ric Flair, during his fairly forgettable time with Sister Sherri, promises to take care of Hogan tonight when everything is on the line. It’s to prove the greatest of all time and the price is right. What a random catchphrase but Sherri was always a bit out there. Flair: “Sayonara!”

Heenan swears Hogan is gone after tonight.

We recap Dave Sullivan vs. Kevin Sullivan. They’re brothers and Dave is kind of stupid so Kevin yells at him for wanting to be like Hulk Hogan. Dave finally stood up to him so Kevin beat him down, setting up the match. There’s just one problem: Dave is on a short list for worst wrestler of all time.

Dave Sullivan vs. Kevin Sullivan

Dave comes out to “I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac” and wears a Hogan bandanna and robe. The fans….don’t care, including those in their own Hogan gear, because this really is that bad of an idea. Dave shoulders him to the floor to start and takes off the robe to reveal a Hogan shirt and red and yellow gear. Kevin clotheslines him down as we hear about those being the same boots that Hogan wore when he beat Andre.

They head outside with Dave going into the post as Heenan talks about wanting to bash kids in the head. Back in and Dave charges into a boot in the corner, allowing Kevin to hit a running crotch attack on the ropes. Heenan: “They used to do this at dinner over who took the last chicken leg.” Kevin chokes with a Hogan bandanna so Dave fights back and does the same, setting up the big boot. That’s enough for Kevin to try and make up, allowing him to get in a cheap shot. It’s back to the floor with Kevin posting Dave….who rolls back inside and beats the count for the win at 5:15.

Rating: D-. E pluribus gads this show is becoming a nightmare. Not only was the match terrible but the whole thing was designed to be a Hogan tribute character. It wasn’t enough to have Hogan be the star of the promotion but he needed a bad wrestler to pay tribute to him every few seconds? Terrible match and an even worse idea as the awful show continues.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Arn Anderson. Dustin had been dealing with the Stud Stable and needed help. For reasons of pure stupidity, Dustin asked Anderson to be his partner, more or less guaranteeing that he’d turn on Dustin in the process. Then THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID, because it’s what Anderson does. It’s just his nature you see. Anyway, Dustin got his dad Dusty to help (in an awesome, underrated promo) so they could win WarGames but now it’s the showdown for revenge.

Arn Anderson vs. Dustin Rhodes

Anderson has Meng and Colonel Parker in his corner. I do miss the horribly bad but still catchy “Well They Call Him The Natural” theme for Dustin here. WCW always had bad original music and it’s kind of a guilty pleasure. A lockup sends Anderson into the corner and let’s look at a boxer at ringside. They get separated for a bit until Dustin gets in a snapmare, meaning Anderson needs to complain about a hair pull. That’s fine with Dustin, who pops him in the jaw with a right hand.

Anderson catches him on top though as this is already the best match of the show by about fourteen miles. The superplex attempt is broken up and Dustin hits a top rope clothesline for two. Anderson hits his own shot to the face and drops an elbow before starting in on the leg. It’s way too early for the Figure Four though as Dustin kicks him to the floor, where Anderson clotheslines the post by mistake.

Unlike Honky Tonk Man, Dustin is smart enough to go after the arm, which gets pulled a lot back inside. Back up and Anderson ducks a charge to send Dustin crashing hard out to the floor. Anderson does his test of strength on the mat so he can jump down onto Dustin and crotch himself spot (technical term), only to throw in a surprise by having Dustin catch him in a bodyscissors.

That just earns him a catapult into the ropes but Dustin is back up for the slugout. The double clothesline puts them both down but Dustin is up first with a regular clothesline for two. Dustin ducks his head for some reason, though he’s smart enough to grab the rope and block the DDT. It’s time to go after Arn’s arm (as he did to Dustin) but the knee drop misses, allowing Arn to grab a rollup with the ropes for two. Dustin is right back up and grabs his own rollup (without the rope) for the pin at 9:53.

Rating: C+. It says so much when this is the match of the night and it’s not even all that great. The wrestling was fine enough but the storytelling carried it as far as it went, as you could see Dustin wanting revenge and Anderson being his usual angry/evil self. I wasn’t big on the feud as a whole but what we got here was pretty good. It’s certainly better than anything else we’ve seen on this show.

Post match Anderson beats the fire out of Dustin and leaves him laying. Cue that awful song again!

Hulk Hogan talks about trying to sneak into town with Jimmy Hart and the Big Brother (as Brutus Beefcake gets ANOTHER name) but there were so many anti-Flair signs all over the place and they just couldn’t do it. This is going to be as big as the time Hogan slammed that giant.

He’s not worried about Mr. T. possibly being in Flair’s pocket because he talked to Mr. T. the other day and knows he’s still training, saying his prayers and taking his vitamins. The only thing Hogan is worried about is Flair trying to go after Mr. T. in the cage. Gene brings up all of the celebrities here and Hogan goes on a mini rant about how Flair is all that matters. The three of them have a game plan though and Flair is done tonight.

Heenan and Tony talk about the main event AGAIN. They do know we’ve already paid to see it right??? Anyway Heenan is convinced Hogan is done and all he’ll hear is a WOO.

We recap Jim Duggan beating Steve Austin for the US Title in about fifteen seconds at Fall Brawl. This was when Austin was wearing black, insulting legends and swearing a lot. I’d go with Duggan too.

US Title: Steve Austin vs. Jim Duggan

Duggan is defending. During the entrances, Tony talks about how he went to the Ford world headquarters. This sends Heenan into a hilarious rant about how boring Tony is, because he went to Tiger Stadium when there was no game and then he went to a car company where everyone was laid off. Heenan: “Maybe tomorrow we can go to the park and watch the grass grow!”

Austin jumps him before the bell and unloads in the corner (my goodness it’s weird seeing him do the stomping with hair) but Duggan fights right back. A kick to the face cuts Duggan off but he’s right back with a quickly broken sleeper. Austin kicks at the knee (Heenan: “Are you watching Mr. Hogan?”) to take over and some knees to said knee…don’t do much as Duggan kicks him into the corner.

The Flair cannonball onto the leg misses again and an atomic drop puts Austin on the floor. Back in and Austin offers a handshake but gets headlocked instead. That’s broken up as well and Austin hits a middle rope ax handle to the head. Duggan punches him out of the air on a second attempt, which at least breaks up another Hogan vs. Flair discussion.

A quick grab of the referee lets Austin get in a low blow (Heenan: “There goes that trick knee again.”) and it’s some choking in the corner to keep Duggan in trouble. There’s a middle rope elbow as the empty seats are becoming a little more prevalent. Duggan makes the comeback, with Tony hyping him up as the working class hero. The comeback is on but Austin backdrops him to the floor for the DQ at 8:03.

Rating: D+. Duggan is another one of Hogan’s friends and the US Title (especially over Austin) is WAY too high for him but he has charisma and can wrestle a basic power match well enough. It wasn’t anything good but it also wasn’t a nightmare, so we can put this on the higher end of the “new” generation.

Here’s Sting, in a tuxedo, for a chat. He’s here to sit ringside for the main event so he can have a bird’s eye view. Uh, sitting ringside is not exactly a bird’s eye view but Sting has never been the brightest guy in the world.

We recap the Guardian Angel (Big Boss Man) vs. Vader in a big man fight for the #1 contendership. They’ve fought a few times with Vader winning via DQ and then thanks to some cheating. Basically Angel has been screwed over so many times that he’s ready to snap.

Vader vs. Guardian Angel

Angel has some members of the actual Guardian Angels (a volunteer crime prevention group, who ultimately made WCW stop using the name) with him during his entrance. Vader goes over to Ali and you can probably hear WCW gasp backstage but Vader drops to a knee to pay his respect instead in a rather awesome moment. Angel beats up Vader’s manager Harley Race (he probably loved it) before the bell and then slaps Vader to get things going.

You know Vader is fine with slugging away in the corner and Angel is pounded down in a hurry. Some standing clotheslines rock Angel even worse and a big one puts him on the floor. The splash hits the barricade though and Angel punches him down. Race gets punched again as well, with Angel slamming Vader on top of him back inside. Back up and Angel punches him a few times but can’t knock him down.

Vader comes back with some fast jabs and you can see Ali pointing and smiling. Angel manages a powerslam off the ropes (Vader loved that spot) and a top rope headbutt to the ribs gets two. Back up and Angel gets sent hard into the ropes so the Vader Bomb can connect (Heenan: “Bye bye doughnut breath.”)….for two.

That doesn’t happen often so Vader goes up again, only to hit raised knees on the second attempt. A spinebuster gets two on Vader and Heenan is stunned at the kickout. The Boss Man Slam gets…no cover as Angel goes after Race instead. That earns Race a suplex back in but Vader uses the distraction to hit a splash for the quick pin at 8:20.

Rating: B. This was a rather fun fight because they did what they were supposed to do here. There was no need to do anything more than have two big guys hit each other really hard until one of them couldn’t get up. Angel looked good here, which isn’t something you could say very often after early 1991 so it was a nice surprise in a heck of a match.

Boxing legend Thomas Hearns talks about the big fight feel of the main event. I don’t think Hearns has any idea what is going on here and he’s ok with that.

We recap the Nasty Boys vs. Bunkhouse Buck/Terry Funk, which is fallout from last month’s WarGames. The Stud Stable, who lost to the Rhodes Family and the Nasty Boys, beat up the Nasty Boys after the match. Therefore, it’s revenge time.

Nasty Boys vs. Bunkhouse Buck/Terry Funk

Tom Parker and Meng are here with Buck and Funk. Sags has a Jack-o-Lantern with him and I don’t see this going well. You can add in the Nasty Boys to the list of rather awesome theme songs. The Boys jump them to start and Funk is about to fight Bunk in a funny bit. That means some long form stalling on the floor as Heenan gets to praise Funk (a combination you don’t think of very often). Funk and Knobbs start things off with the latter cleaning house early on.

That means Funk can go outside and grab a chair, which is one of those things you learn to fear. Sags comes in and sits on Funk’s face, followed by the Pit Stop for a bonus. Now Funk is all ticked off and the fans are rather pleased, with Heenan comparing that to Black Lung. Bunk comes in and they be clubberin on him (Dusty helped set this up so it’s even more appropriate) as everything breaks down again.

Funk gets sent outside, hits him self in the head with a chair a bunch of times, and goes over the barricade to yell at some fans because he’s the kind of guy you can believe would go on a rampage at any time. Bunk chokes Sags with a rope on the floor and the villains take over for the first time. Everything breaks down and Buck trips Knobbs but gets caught with a foreign object. Meng pulls out his own foreign object but hits Funk by mistake, allowing Sags to hit a piledriver onto the pumpkin for the pin at 7:57.

Rating: C. I had fun with this one and that’s all they were going for. The weird part was that it felt like they were setting up a much longer match but just went to the ending. That being said, do you really want to see the Nasty Boys go fifteen minutes against Bunkhouse Buck? Funk was the star here though as he knows how to do the little things so, so well and it’s such a treat watching him do his thing. He’s one of those guys where I get something out of every match and that’s a very rare ability.

Muhammad Ali gets in the ring for a special presentation of a donation to his foundation. WCW boss Bill Shaw gives him a check and Eric Bischoff gives him a plaque. It’s so sad to see Ali in such poor health, but you can feel how special it is to see him.

Heenan rants about how Ali and Hearns never became World Champion 11 times. He’s a bit nervous you see.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is defending in a cage with both careers on the line and Mr. T. as guest referee. Sherri and Jimmy Hart are here as well and Flair is in the awesome black and white robe (always my favorite). Flair is in red trunks, which almost guarantees a big loss (one of those things that I read once and can never unnotice it). Hogan starts fast by sending him into the corner, followed by the ten right hands. He even goes up top for some choking, which is enough for T. to yell at him.

The chop has no effect and Flair is sent into the cage a few times. Flair gets smart by going after the bad knee and we cut to Sting, with the reflection of the match being seen in his sunglasses for a cool shot. Hogan gets sent into the cage and there’s a knee drop to the head. Back up and Hogan sends him into the cage three times in a row, only to have T. yell at Hogan again.

Flair uses the breather to hit a top rope ax handle as Heenan loses it even more. A chop off goes to Hogan and they wind up on the top rope with Hogan choking on the cage some more. Flair goes to the knee again and chops away….with Hogan not having any of it. Hogan rakes the face over the cage and gets two off a belly to back suplex. It’s back to the top with Flair going into the cage again but he grabs a quick shinbreaker. Heenan: “OH BABY! Are we going to school???”

Flair starts in with his usual assortment of knee work as Heenan gets more and more excited. The Figure Four goes on in the middle of the ring (Heenan: “COUNT HIS SHOULDERS D*** IT!!!”) so Hogan gets fired up (not Hulking up just yet). The hold is turned over for the break but T. gets bumped. Flair hits a belly to back suplex and pulls T. over but there’s still no count.

Jimmy pulls Sherri off the cage (getting her skirt off in the process) so she sends him into the steps. Sting pulls Sherri down as well but here’s the masked man from underneath the ring to beat Sting up with a pipe. Sherri comes off the top of the cage with an ax handle to Hogan (that was a wild woman), who doesn’t seem to mind. Flair gets in a shot to the knee and Sherri handcuffs T. to the ropes.

With the Masked Man on the side of the cage, Hogan is rammed into the pipe and suplexed again. NOW it’s time to Hulk Up and it’s a double clothesline to Flair and Sherri. Hogan clotheslines both of them again as Sting, Hart and the Masked Man are all gone. A big boot puts Sherri down (!) and Hogan does the real Hulk Up (he didn’t really need it here), setting up the big boot to Flair. Heenan: “NOT THE LEG!!!” Hogan pulls Flair over towards T., drops the leg and retains at 19:25 to send Heenan into tears.

Rating: B+. I was expecting more of the same old Hogan/Flair stuff but they hit another level at the end there and it was rocking in the last five minutes or so. Hogan was trying hard here and it was one of the best matches I’ve seen him have in years. What matters is it felt big and that’s what they were going for. I liked this WAY better than I was expecting to and that’s always a nice feeling.

Post match Ali gets to hand Hogan the title before Hogan gets back inside for the celebration. Cue the Masked Man but Hogan catches the pipe shot and hammers away. Heenan thinks it’s Arn Anderson but it’s…..the Big Brother and the fans actually go silent. Brother begs off as Hogan is shocked, allowing Kevin Sullivan and the former Earthquake (I believe making his debut) comes in to beat Hogan down. Heenan dubs Brother the Butcher as Earthquake hits the Earthquake. Cue Sting for the save to chase everyone off.

If this had been ANYONE but Beefcake, they would have been set as this was a very hot angle to end the show. The fans were into it and Hogan sold it as well as I’ve seen him sell anything not involving Andre. Having Sting under the mask would have made it one of the best angles WCW had done in the pre-Nitro days but as it was, it was just rather good, especially after a pretty awesome main event.

A bunch of replays and a chat from the announcers, with Heenan in tears, end the show.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: D+. Vader vs. Angel, the main event and the show closing angle did a yeoman’s work to try and save this show but my goodness that first forty minutes put them in a terrible hole. It’s not a good sign when your first three matches featured one of the worst openers ever, a match whose best part was that it wasn’t the opener, and a match nearly as bad as the opener. It’s not a bad show overall, but the stuff that is bad is VERY bad and drags down the good stuff.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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No image on this one, because I don’t want to spoil the impact.

Hidden Gems #2
Date: 1989

So when I originally put this on the schedule, it was entirely for the sake of the AWA Team Challenge show which got….interesting reviews, shall we say for reasons of general insanity. Since I started doing the rest of the years though, I might as well do the entire year, which is quite the eclectic collection this time around. Let’s get to it.

For the sake of simplicity, I’ll do these in order from the date they aired, starting with the earliest.

From February 23, 1989 in Florida.

Gordon Solie and Diamond Dallas Page (back when he was a heel commentator with some big hair) are with Oliver Humperdink (a heel manager) at the announcers’ desk with Oliver not being happy about Dusty Rhodes. Lately Dusty has brought out his son Dustin, who needs to be taken care of. Therefore, Humperdink is calling in Terry Funk to eradicate Dustin so Dusty will give up. Terry isn’t here yet, but he’s sent in a video for our visual enjoyment.

Funk, standing in front of a big wooden cutout labeled Dusty, has a new word for us. The word is a Dusty, which is a 150lb frame, with 50lbs of added fat, 50lbs of added obesity and 50lbs of added hot air, giving you a 300lb blob. Terry whips out a chainsaw and cuts off the wooden arms and head before hacking away the painted on heart. That leaves you with a heartless jackass, and if you breed that with a thick tongued barmaid, you get a Dustin, who is too stupid to say no, he won’t get in the ring with Terry Funk. Well, that was absolutely terrifying and we’ll move on as fast as possible.

From a WWA show promoted by the AWA. Note that this is VERY late in the match with about nine minutes shown of a match that ran thirty. It was also broadcast in Japan, as you can hear the Japanese commentary under the English commentary. Also of note: former World Champion Pat O’Connor is guest referee.

Rock N Roll Express vs. British Bulldogs
Date: February 23, 1989
Location: Memorial Hall, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 300
Commentators: Ray Stevens, Greg Gagne

Joined in progress with Dynamite Kid dropping a knee onto Ricky Morton’s back and slapping on an armbar. Bulldog comes in for an armbar of his own as there are more empty seats than filled ones. Morton gets thrown outside as we hit the 25 minute mark. With the fans looking bored out of their minds, Greg talks about them being up for the entire match. I know they can see the match, so why like about something that is clearly wrong? I’ve never gotten that.

It’s back to Bulldog, who misses a top rope knee but still breaks up the hot tag attempt. Morton finally rolls over for the hot tag to Robert Gibson and everything breaks down. Gibson gets one off the slowest one count ever off a backdrop and then suplexes Dynamite with two minutes left. It’s back to Ricky for two off a piledriver, followed by the double dropkick for another slow two. A small package gets the same and we have thirty seconds. Smith and Gibson both try dropkicks and it’s back to Dynamite for an exchange of small packages as the time limit expires at 7:14 shown.

Rating: D. It’s really not fair to rate the last fifth or so of a match but what we got wasn’t all that great. The wrestling wasn’t anything to see but then again these teams were WAY passed their primes by this point anyway. I certainly don’t think I’d want to see the full version, but it’s certainly fine for an historical curiosity if nothing else.

Post match Badd Company, the Tag Team Champions, say they’re ready to face any team. They’re particularly ready to face Ricky Rice and Derrick Dukes (the Top Guns), who must be dreaming if they think they’re getting the titles. Ok then.

From May 13, 1989 in Sarasota, Florida in the PWF (Professional Wrestling Federation), Dusty Rhodes’ promotion. As you can probably guess by the name of Dusty’s opponent, it didn’t even make it a year.

PWF World Title: Dusty Rhodes vs. Big Steele Man
Date: May 13, 1989
Location: Robarts Arena, Sarasota, Florida
Commentator: Gordon Solie

In a cage with Dusty defending and that would be Tugboat/Typhoon/Shockmaster. Makes sense as they’re brothers-in-law, along with Jerry Sags (there’s your trivia for the day). This is in a cage and joined in progress again with Dusty going after Man’s manager, Oliver Humperdink (hey it’s a theme collection). Man hammers away in the corner but Dusty gets in the ten right hands to take over again. The Bionic Elbow keeps Man in trouble and he gets sent head first into the cage as the blood is flowing.

Man gets smart enough to grab a bearhug but Dusty hiptosses his way to freedom, only to miss the big elbow. A right hand knocks Dusty into the referee and of course Dusty hits the big elbow a few seconds later. Humperdink comes in (because the cage door is worthless) but gets punched back. Dusty hits a suplex but Diamond Dallas Page, Steel’s other manager, throws in a towel. Apparently it’s covered in something to knock Dusty out, meaning….well nothing actually as we’re clipped to a still of Man holding up the title at about 4:20.

Rating: D-. I’ve seen a full show from these guys before and the regular thing wasn’t that much better. This was slow and plodding and little more than a way for Dusty to have a foil, even though both of them would be in the WWF in about two months. That being said, what else were you expecting from Dusty vs. Tugboat in a serious match?

And now, for the reason I wanted to watch this in the first place.

Team Challenge Series Pilot
Date: October 23, 1989
Commentators: Ralph Strangis, Greg Gagne

So back in the late 1980s, the AWA was, uh, bad. Like, really bad. Their answer was this big series of gimmick matches with a big scoring system and the entire roster split up into three teams. This was called the Team Challenge Series and what we have here is described as an unreleased home video pilot special. I’m sure this will be FASCINATING. Let’s get to it.

We open with a montage, featuring cheerleaders in very 80s bikinis chanting YAY YAY YAY FOR THE AWA, plus the American flag, a concert and wrestling. I guess this is Verne Gagne’s idea of patriotism?

Verne, with his dog, introduces the concept. He’s so excited about this concept with new technology (remember that) that he might come out of retirement one more time. I mean, would that really surprise anyone?

Our hosts and commentators, Ralph Strangis and Greg Gagne promise us some great new stuff over the next sixty minutes. The video is less than forty, making me think that either this company can’t count or something has been edited. Guess which I’m leaning towards. Greg says we’ll be able to feel the armdrags and dropkicks. Well his partner had a great dropkick so I’ll take what I can get.

Tommy Jammer vs. Tom Burton

Let me stop you right here. See, around this time the AWA wasn’t doing well with drawing audiences. That would be the case here, so this is how they solved the problem. An example of the entrances:

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–vp4tqpRy–/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/qi1tuiyejvukan52kmcq.jpg

Now, in case that’s not enough for you, there are no fans in the “arena”, which appears to be a small, dimly lit room. Not that you can tell how big it is, when the lights go as far as where the first row would be. Now, to compensate for the lack of the fans, we do get some extreme closeups of some random people, presumably watching anything but this show. And now, the match.

Burton armdrags him down and we hear about the great technology: slow motion. Yes I said SLOW MOTION. Now for those of you unfamiliar with the history of slow motion….well you’re pretty common actually. From what I can find, the earliest usage of slow motion in television was first used on television in 1939, or FIFTY YEARS before this aired.

Back to the match, we cut to some fans giving a thumbs down sign at what appears to be a restaurant or a bar, with a brick wall and a bottle of ketchup visible. Now, considering it’s a well lit scene and the arena is about as well lit as an old school NWA arena, I’m thinking something is afoot. Or astupid. Burton hits a simple slam and that’s enough for a slow motion replay.

Jammer makes a comeback and we go to a far too close camera angle, with the camera seemingly inside the ring. That sounds cool in theory, but when it’s so close that you can’t see Jammer as he slams Burton, it might be a little too close. Oh and where is Jammer’s slow motion replay? Jammer gets an armdrag and we change camera angles, followed by another armdrag and another cut to some woman at what might be a different bar. A powerslam and a splash (called the Surfer Splash on the original call and the Jammer Splash on the replay) finish Burton at 1:46.

We go to Baron Von Raschke and Sgt. Slaughter, with the former being listed as the captain of the Blitzers. His man Paul Diamond is ready to face Slaughter’s (captain of the Snipers) Colonel DeBeers (Isn’t a colonel above a sergeant?) in what sounds like an over the top rope challenge.

Now it’s clear that these two are on different teams, but we still have no idea what the teams are, who is on them, how many teams there are, how they were determined, what they’re fighting for, or ANYTHING about the concept other than the fact that there is a concept at hand. I have a feeling this is going to get even worse as we keep go forward.

The announcers don’t like the Destruction Crew. Of note: it sounds like this was a TV show that was released on video. That would explain the time issue earlier, but it’s not really clear either way.

The Destruction Crew (Mike Enos and Wayne Bloom, better known as the Beverly Brothers in the WWF) swing sledgehammers at a green screen of a hotel being demolished. They’re ready to destroy things. Or maybe people. This was a Demolition knockoff.

Destruction Crew vs. Jerry Lynn/Ricky Rice

This would be the second time Rice has been mentioned today in what is likely the only two times he’s been mentioned in about twenty five years. The Crew has Luscious Johnny V in their corner. We get more shots of fans in what is very clearly a different location. This is described as being “just like at a sports bar”. So wait: is watching the show live like it’s in a sports bar, or is the show supposed to be in a sports bar? Are they saying the fans are watching this from elsewhere or are they supposed to be in the arena? I would assume the former, but egads this is far more complicated than it should be.

Rice gets armdragged (popular move tonight) down to start and Enos shoulders him for a bonus. Some wristlocks have Enos in trouble and it’s off to Lynn….as the fans seem pleased. That would make you believe that the fans are supposed to be in the arena, meaning this is supposed to be in the sports bars shown. Lynn, who looks nothing like he would ten years later in ECW, stays on the arm as we can see the ceiling, which is far higher than it was in the bar shots earlier.

Bloom comes in and gets his arm worked on as well until he misses a flying shoulder in the corner, which is good for more slow motion….which shows the ceiling again, this time with the wall included, meaning there is no way there could be actual fans in the arena. Valiant offers a distraction so Enos can get in a knee to the back from the apron. The Crew takes over and it’s an Oklahoma Stampede into a shoulderbreaker. Bloom hits a powerslam for…well just one at first before we go to the slow motion replay. A Doomsday Device finishes Lynn at 4:38.

Rating: D. It’s not helping when the matches aren’t exactly good. Lynn and Rice were the most basic face team you could fine and nothing more than jobbers here, but the more fascinating part is…well just pick something. I’m still trying to figure out the crowd situation, which is far more interesting than the wrestling itself.

The replay shows that Lynn’s face and head never came close to touching the mat. Greg: “He may have a broken neck!”

Post match Eric Bischoff (with huge hair) talks to Johnny and the Crew (great band name) who just talk about how awesome they are. Only Bischoff mentions the team concept, and the fact that the Crew is on Larry Zbyszko’s (unnamed) team. No word on who Lynn and Rice play for.

The announcers think that the Crew is destined for one thing: the Tag Team Titles. Not winning points or anything related to the Series, but the titles, which may or may not be a part of the Series. You know what is part of the Series? Of course not, because we still haven’t been told about it nearly fifteen minutes in.

Slaughter explains what sounds like the main event, which is an over the top rope challenge, called a King of the Hill match. DeBeers better win tonight or he’s going to disgrace America. Note that DeBeers is from South Africa.

DeBeers, standing in front of a flag which isn’t from South Africa, talks about being in the South African military and says that while he hasn’t lost a war, he’s had some casualties. From now on, Slaughter needs to communicate through the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Tonight, he’s winning for South Africa.

The announcers FINALLY tell us something about the Series: the teams were picked at random. And we move on to Beverly Hills.

We get a foxy boxing match (meaning women basically in lingerie boxing) with a ring surrounded by women in actual lingerie. The Blonde Bomber jumps Slaughterhouse Sean before the bell as we hear about their managers. The camera goes to alternating first person views as round one ends. Apparently the beating continues, though we’re looking at the Bomber’s manager Mustang Sally instead.

Ralph actually explains the rules here, even as the Bomber jumps Sean from behind and puts on a chinlock. A snap suplex gets two and the referee tells her to put the gloves back on. Sean blocks a kick in the corner and hits a heck of a right hand to knock the Bomber silly as round two ends.

The third and final (thank goodness…maybe) round begins with Sally choking Sean from the apron, losing her shirt, and coming in for a backbreaker. They punch each other and it’s a double knockdown with Sean beating the count to win. From what I can tell, this has nothing to do with the Series, but it was some weird MMA predecessor with managers doing bad run-ins as a bonus. In other words, this was hilarious and amazing.

Greg explains the rules and concept of the whole thing, which makes enough sense, assuming you forgive this explanation coming over halfway through the whole show.

And here are the standings:

Larry’s Legends – 16

Baron’s Blitzers – 15

Sarge’s Snipers – 13

Of course there have already been 44 points given out when we haven’t seen an actual match on the pilot yet. From what I can find, the Series started on October 1. This video is dated October 23, so assuming a point a match (and we have to assume since we haven’t been told anything otherwise), there have been an average of two matches a day, every day, since the thing took place. Also, this would suggest that it’s a TV show, because you probably wouldn’t put “current” standings on a home video release. Then again I have no reason to believe that any matches have actually taken place at this point so who knows.

Just to make it even more confusing, Diamond says this is the beginning of the Series and he’s in the first match. So yeah, there are just points for the teams despite the Series not even starting yet. This just keeps getting better and better.

Paul Diamond vs. Colonel DeBeers

Over the top rope challenge. It should be noted that during the entrances with the fake crowds, the wrestlers are turning to the left and walking into the people, just in case you thought they might be real you see. Ralph: “We are watching this with you, live from satellite base. From sea to shining sea, in sports bars and in your homes. This is the new AWA. Ralph Strangis and Greg Gagne ringside.” They can’t even go three sentences without screwing something up!

Also, if this is possibly released on home video (which makes sense if this is the first match), then how are they supposed to be watching it at a bar? And are these all bars in the Minnesota area? Or is it like some worldwide watch party where everyone got a pre-release copy of this tape and they’re all watching it together?

The bigger DeBeers shoulders him down to start but gets caught in a flying headscissors. Diamond misses a crossbody in the corner though and DeBeers tries to get him out, showing some actual thinking here for the first time on this whole thing. A dropkick grazes DeBeers and we look at the slow motion replay to prove how badly it missed. DeBeers snapmares him down and hits a top rope headbutt, followed by a kick to the ribs to knock him over the top and out to the apron.

Another headbutt misses and we take a slow motion look at DeBeers going face first into the buckle. Some right hands get DeBeers out of trouble and we crank up the crowd noise again. DeBeers rolls outside (legal) and drives some elbows into the chest before heading back inside. A piledriver is reversed into a backdrop though and Diamond gets the win for….some to be announced amount of points at 5:49.

Rating: D. Again, it’s not even the worst wrestling ever. DeBeers and Diamond are talented enough guys that they could work a completely watchable match. This was fine for what it was, even with a little drama on some of the near tosses. It’s just everything else thrown in there leaves you with so many questions.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. The Terminator

I believe the Terminator is Marcus Laurinaitis, Animal and Johnny Ace’s brother. The ring is heavily mic’d here so we’re getting a lot of extra trash talk, somehow with no swearing included. It’s so weird seeing Slaughter with hair. Slaughter hits a forearm to the chest and we see it in SLOW MOTION WITH MIC’D UP SOUND!!! I CAN’T HANDLE THIS MUCH TECHNOLOGY! They demand that the other show them toughness so Slaughter drop toeholds him down into a headlock.

Back up and a better than expected crossbody gives Slaughter two and he wants to hear it from the fans. This includes kids, who are always welcome at sports bars. Terminator can’t slam Slaughter, who falls onto him for two. Back up and some rakes to the eyes have Slaughter in trouble, followed by a ram into the post. It doesn’t last long though as Slaughter hits a backdrop and a dropkick to the shoulder. The Slaughter Cannon (middle rope clothesline) allows Slaughter to play to the non-existent crowd (I get the idea but…come on.) and the Cobra Clutch gives Slaughter the win at 6:38.

Rating: D. It’s not like the match was much worse than the others, but that whole playing to the non-existent crowd was a bit too much. Slaughter was probably the biggest star in the promotion at this point and it makes sense to feature him on…whatever this is actually supposed to be.

Post match Slaughter…doesn’t really have anything to say.

We get a quick preview for next week (Again, video or not?), including a very young Yokozuna, to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: A+. This was incredible, with everything going wrong in every possible way and turning the whole thing into one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. It didn’t make sense, the wrestling was crazy, and the entire show was such a blast to watch. It was the kind of thing that you have to see to believe and it’s absolutely incredible in a train wreck sense.

Normally I would list off a bunch of stuff that they did wrong here but there isn’t enough space to do that justice. This was a perfect storm of awful as the AWA continues to have no idea how to get out of the downward spiral they were in. The company was long past the point where they should have pulled the plug and instead we get a show where Slow Motion is the next big thing in wrestling technology.

Really, this is something that you need to see to believe because words can’t do it justice. Just watch it for a few minutes and see if you can look away. The entire concept was a mess in the first place and then there’s….whatever you want to call this thing. It’s such an incredible spectacle and one of the few things that ever had me nearly speechless. Go out of your way to check this out and just have a good time with how insane the thing really is.

Here’s the show on the Network. You owe yourself this one.

http://network.wwe.com/video/v2518758883

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

 

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

 

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

 

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

 

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

 

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

 

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

 

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

 

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

 

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

 

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

 

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

 

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

 

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

 

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

 

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

 

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

 

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

 

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

 

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

 

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

 

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

 

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

 

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

 

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

 

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

 

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

 

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

 

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

 

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

 

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #271
Date: December 18, 2000
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 2,872
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

Since even WCW isn’t stupid enough to hold a TV show on Christmas night or New Year’s Day, this is the last Monday Nitro of 2000. It’s also the night after Starrcade and a grand total of nothing happened. Steiner is still World Champion, Goldberg is still undefeated (and still feuding with Lex Luger for whatever reason) and the Insiders are still a thing because of reasons. Let’s get to it.

Ric Flair welcomes us to the show and talks about how awesome tonight is going to be. We’ll be seeing Buff Bagwell vs. Goldberg but more importantly we’re going to find out who is going to challenge Steiner for the World Title at Sin. Flair implies that it might be multiple opponents, which would at least be a bit more interesting.

Quick recap of last night’s show with a traditional highlight package.

Opening sequence.

Shannon Moore vs. Shane Helms

Winner gets the title shot and for some reason Helms doesn’t get an introduction. They shake hands and start with a fast paced pinfall reversal sequence before Shane turns things up by throwing him over the top by the hair. Shannon pulls him to the floor for a hurricanrana, only to get powerslammed off the top for two. The X Plex (arm trap German suplex) gets two on Shannon before he misses a hurricanrana, allowing Shane to get in a great looking top rope sunset flip for two. Instead the Vertebreaker puts Shannon away with ease.

Rating: B-. This was the old school cruiserweight formula with both guys just doing high spots to wake the crowd up. It’s sad that the company had to go out so soon after this as the division was definitely undergoing a renaissance around this time and it could have been interesting to see where things were going.

Chavo runs in to go after Shane but gets laid out as well.

Hugh Morrus yells at Lash for saving Chavo last night.

Here’s Scott Steiner with something to say. Scott thinks Flair is taking his job as CEO way too seriously because he can’t handle being an average champion by comparison. Steiner dominates while Flair had to squeak by and being CEO is a tough job because Flair can’t find any wrestlers to fight him. Maybe Flair can convince Diamond Dallas Page to get a sex change so he has the balls to face him. That line was allegedly a shoot and led to a fight in the back where Steiner went after Page’s eyes and caused Page and Nash to walk out.

This brings out Ric to say he’s going to make Sin’s main event a three way match with a mini tournament tonight to decide on one opponent. Ric isn’t going to announce who the four participants are so Steiner doesn’t lay them all out. On top of that, there’s going to be a mystery opponent who will be here tonight.

Jimmy Hart does his DJ challenge.

Buff Bagwell laughs at Goldberg spelling “stuff” wrong when he signed a copy of his book. Now Bagwell is here to save the company and has formed a new tag team called Totally Buff. Before Luger can say anything, Scott Steiner comes in and almost begs Luger to help him find out who is in the mini tournament.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Meng

Meng is challenging and has Paisley/Kwee Wee with him. Funk pops up on screen to call Meng out to the back for a fight in a cage. Meng heads back to fight him and it’s just in the regular places instead of a cage. I guess old people who are here for no apparent reason are false advertisers as well. They hit each other with some weapons and Funk gets handcuffed. Funk actually begs off, only to say Meng has a big nose.

We get the hit/walk sequence with Meng beating him back into the arena and then the ring. Funk gets in a trashcan shot of his own but Meng shrugs it off and sets up a table. Meng’s splash goes through the table instead of Funk but that’s not sold either. The Death Grip goes on, only to have Crowbar come out and hit Meng with the monkey wrench to give Funk the pin.

Rating: D-. How much good can come from a man in his mid 50s being hit with a trashcan? Apparently quite a bit in WCW’s eyes as they seem perfectly happy to let it happen here and then again in his next title defense. It’s almost like they’re turning this into a joke, like almost everything else around here.

Crowbar, again with the crazy man look, wants Funk and the title at Sin.

Now Steiner wants Jarrett’s help as well.

Vito wants to know where Reno’s family values are. He’s coming for Reno and the Thrillers.

Crowbar tells Mike Awesome to drop the 70s stuff. Didn’t he already drop that nonsense?

Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio

This is the first qualifying match for the #1 contenders match. Before the match, Storm says it’s time for him to win the one title he’s never won. Rey has taped ribs coming in but still headscissors Storm down and grabs a rollup for two. Storm gets knocked into the corner and the referee takes a shot to the leg in what seemed like a real injury. A Lionsault hits Storm’s raised knees and Storm gets two of his own off a backbreaker.

They head outside with Rey being sent hard into the barricade as they’re going with a very simple and logical formula here. Back in and Rey scores with a clothesline (not a move I remember him ever using), only to get caught in an abdominal stretch. Rey gets out again but misses a springboard splash to hurt the ribs even further. A headscissors puts Storm on the floor and Rey hits a running flip dive into a seated senton because Rey Mysterio is Spanish for what bad ribs. Now the springboard splash connects for two but a quick Mapleleaf makes Rey tap.

Rating: B. Take two talented wrestlers and let them have a good wrestling match with a simple story. What else were you really expecting out of something like this? It’s also cool to see Storm get a chance at a slightly higher spot up on the card. I was really liking this and again I got WAY more out of a basic wrestling match like this over one of the multiple wild brawls last night at Starrcade.

Mike Awesome vs. Jeff Jarrett

This is the other qualifying match, but first of all let’s have Awesome call himself a love doctor crossed with a career killer. I’m not sure how to take that one but it sounds like an upgrade. Awesome throws him up into the air for a big crash and a near fall, followed by a release German suplex. A Stunner across the top rope sends Awesome to the floor and Jeff puts him face first into a chair. Mike drive him back first into the apron a few times before going over to the announcers’ table to complete a requirement.

A powerbomb is broken up with a low blow however and Jeff gets in that dropkick of his for two. Awesome shrugs it off (well it was just a dropkick) and gets two off a Batista Bomb. Mike uses a lifting Pedigree of all things (Stevie Ray’s Slapjack, which I guess is fair game now) for two but the referee gets bumped a few seconds later. Jeff gets the guitar but it’s quickly taken away, only to have Jarrett pull out another one to knock Awesome silly for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nowhere near as entertaining as the previous match as Awesome really isn’t someone who does well outside of the high impact style, which isn’t exactly Jarrett’s forte. It wasn’t terrible or anything but that guitar shot is turning into one of the most overused finishes I’ve ever seen.

Steiner goes after Jarrett in the back but Jeff says he wants in the title match to watch Steiner’s back.

Glacier is still returning and Norman Smiley dances in happiness.

Shane Douglas wants to fight Hugh Morrus again on Thunder and wants the Misfits involved. He’s hired Kronik to make sure everything is all nice and fair.

Clip of Goldberg on the Man Show.

Awesome freaks out in the back.

No Nitro for the next two weeks.

The Cat vs. Alex Wright

For some reason Cat asks Wright to dance some more. Alex does so but Cat says he’d rather see Madden get in the ring and dance. Thankfully that goes nowhere (the last thing we need is Madden thinking more people care about him) and it’s Cat missing his kicks to start. Alex throws him out to the floor as Madden gets up and runs away, likely due to the announcers talking about the Insiders for reasons that aren’t exactly clear. They trade drink shots as Madden is now back on commentary and a big Wright fan.

Back in and a Saito suplex gets two for Alex and it’s right back to the floor. They go inside again as it’s clear that Wright doesn’t have much of an idea of what to do with this much time. An armbar goes nowhere so Alex cranks on the other arm. Cat gets up for a quick Feliner and the pin.

Rating: D-. You know, you can come up with a lot of reasons why WCW wasn’t anything worth watching around this time and this is another added to the pile: a lot of the wrestling was absolutely horrible. It’s never a good sign when the only good thing about a match is the fact that Ms. Jones looked great. Horribly uninteresting stuff here as people shouldn’t be repeating spots in a six minute match.

The Thrillers arrive in a limo.

Scott Steiner beats up some cruiserweights because they’re around and not doing anything else.

Here are the Thrillers for a chat. Sanders makes trailer park jokes and then stands around wasting time. Eventually he says they give the children something to look up to and men a reason to get in the gym. Mike rips on the Insiders for not being here tonight and says they’ll be defending the titles at Sin.

Their opponents will be….announced later as here’s Ric Flair to brag about how many women he would get back in the Horsemen days. Anyway, Perfect Event is awesome but they’ll be involved in a tag team battle royal on Thunder to determine the #1 contenders. This took WAY too long to get to the point but you had to expect something like that with Sanders on the mic.

Buff Bagwell vs. Goldberg

It’s a chase to start but Luger is waiting on the floor with a chair to hit Goldberg for the DQ at about thirty seconds. Why not hit Bagwell so Goldberg loses via DQ? Oh and a better question: WHY IS THIS FEUD GOING TO THREE FREAKING PAY PER VIEWS???

Goldberg gets beaten down until Sarge comes in for the save.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Lance Storm

The winner goes to the title match at Sin. Feeling out process to start with Jarrett hiptossing him down but getting kicked away. Jeff takes him into the corner but gets tossed to the floor. Storm misses a dive to the floor and tweaks his knee, setting up a very quick Figure Four. The hold is turned over again and Storm gets two off a crucifix as this is the most technical match WCW has had in months. Jeff throws him onto the top for a superplex and a near fall. Jarrett’s enziguri misses and he has to get over to the ropes to save himself. A Stroke out of nowhere sends Jeff to Sin.

Rating: C. This was BEGGING for five more minutes but we were lucky enough to get the Cat vs. Alex Wright instead. Other than that it was a fun match though with two guys who can work a basic yet still entertaining style as well as anyone else. It wasn’t a classic or anything but what else were you expecting here?

Post match Steiner runs out and demands to know who the mystery man is. He heads to the back and sees Flair but a masked man jumps him and beats the champ down to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I’m as shocked as you are but there was a heck of a show and a masterpiece by WCW’s standards. They kept the stupid things on low tonight and just had wrestling matches that advanced stories and helped set up the pay per view. Given that they’re out of two weeks of Nitro due to the holidays, this was a night where they had to get A LOT done and believe it or not they actually pulled it off. This is likely the final good episode and I can actually live with that.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night #270
Date: December 12, 2000
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson

It’s the go home show for the final Starrcade and the show is airing on a Tuesday, likely due to something else getting the regular timeslot on TNT. These recent shows have ranged from mostly missing to somehow shooting yourself in the foot, dropping the gun and having it shoot you in the other foot but hopefully things pick up a bit before the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

This show was taped on Monday so any references to being live are pure falsehoods.

To show you how worthless Thunder is, here’s the same recap video that opened last Wednesday’s show. In other words: ignore anything on Thunder because the only show that matters is Nitro.

Lex Luger is granted a match by Mike Sanders.

Here’s Ric Flair to say we’re live (we’re not) and that we’re in Shreveport (Again not really, though the towns are about five minutes apart. Why not just have everyone say the same town?). Ric says Steiner and Sid aren’t going to come into any contact with each other in this arena. They’ll be out here talking but they’re going to hold the fighting until Starrcade. If they fight, it’s going to be a suspension and the title being stripped. As for Steiner, yeah he put Sting, Booker T. and Arn Anderson in the hospital but they could be here tonight to get some payback (I’m sure).

Sgt. AWALL is going to get a World Title match tonight and that’s finally enough to bring Sanders out to interrupt. Mike has a match of his own for tonight as the Perfect Event will face Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire and the Insiders in a non-title match. There goes Flair’s suit jacket and he makes Sid vs. Sanders. If Mike doesn’t wrestle, he loses his power and the Thrillers are barred from ringside.

Earlier today, Scott Steiner beat down Corporal Cajun until AWALL made the save to set up tonight’s title match. That’s better than I was expecting.

Sid is ready for tonight and for Sunday.

Jindrak and O’Haire have a monitor.

Disco Inferno insults Sarge so he yells a lot. So a guy famous for losing almost all the time is now one of the most intimidating guys in the company? That kind of stuff gets old in a hurry, but I’m not sure how many people remember Sarge in the first place.

Lance Storm/Major Gunns vs. The Cat/Ms. Jones

Before the match, Storm has an idea to make this more interesting: if Cat loses, he has to sing the Canadian national anthem on Thunder. Storm stops for the song and here comes Santa Claus (right down the steps instead of right down his own lane). That goes nowhere so here’s Cat to call Storm a Power Ranger. Cat makes the obvious stipulation of Storm having to sing if he loses too.

The women get things going with Gunns actually throwing a decent dropkick to knock her into the corner. Jones gets two off a spinning kick to the face and it’s off to the men. Cat dances out of a sunset flip and gets one of the loudest pops WCW has had in months. You could actually see the fans freaking out over the dancing. The Feliner gets two with Gunns (not Jones, Tony), putting the foot on the ropes. We get the catfight on the floor as Elix Skipper’s interference fails. Cat catches Duggan’s 2×4 and knocks Storm out for the pin.

Rating: D+. Who knew Cat was this over in Louisiana? Jones and Gunns were just there for their looks (not the worst idea in the world) and their wrestling was of course horrible. The Duggan thing is long overdue and I have no idea why they put him with the Canadians in the first place.

Jimmy Hart is starting a radio network and is ready to wrestle some Memphis DJ’s when Nitro hits the Mid-South Coliseum.

Hugh Morrus (yeah we’re going with that as the people are calling him Hugh most of the time) catches Lash Leroux (the gimmick names are mostly dead anyway) on the phone with Chavo. That’s fine with Hugh as he gives AWALL a pep talk.

Sanders adds Kronik to the three way dance, much to Reno’s annoyance.

Crowbar and Daffney are on commentary as Norman Smiley issues an open challenge for a hardcore match in the hopes that he gets a title shot as a result.

Meng vs. Norman Smiley

Meng has Paisley with him because that’s still a thing. Norman, complete with shoulder pads, gets stomped down in the corner as Crowbar is doing his Gordon Solie thing again. They head up the aisle with Norman actually getting in a few shots for some effect. Somehow DJ Ran still has a job (Why isn’t he fighting Jimmy Hart?) and a booth in the arena so the guys fight around there too. Santa tries to get involved so Meng drops him too, followed by some chops to make Norman scream. Norman steals Santa’s bag so here’s Santa in the ring to throw powder at both guys for a double DQ in a hardcore match.

Rating: F. That’s my standard rating for hardcore matches anymore because there’s no good reason to have guys like this (meaning Crowbar and Smiley) in this waste of time. I mean, they’re better than Brian Knobbs and company but there’s so much other stuff these people could be doing.

The blinded Meng puts the Death Grip on Paisley. Santa takes off the beard…..and it’s Terry Funk. Terry starts throwing chair shots but can’t put Meng down. Kwee Wee comes out too as Meng finally drops. Terry says he’s the real Santa Claus (Crowbar: “He’s my idol.”) and wants the Hardcore Title at Starrcade. Crowbar gets in the ring and the match seems to be on, earning himself a chair shot to the head.

Sarge is given Lex Luger on Thunder and Goldberg tonight.

The Harris Brother eat sandwiches because that’s a thing that actually exists in wrestling. We cut to the Filthy Animals, who put laxatives in said sandwiches.

Steiner promises to knock down anyone Flair sets up for him.

AWALL is ready and Morrus is fine with a war against Shane Douglas. Lash is facing Shane tonight but he’s using some of Chavo’s lines to Hugh’s annoyance.

Mike Sanders vs. Sid Vicious

Sanders is in street clothes and says he’s not medically cleared to wrestle. Not that it matters as Sid, also in street clothes, chokeslams and powerbombs him for the pin in about a minute.

Sid says the sucka ain’t got no class. Tony: “What is he talking about?”

Post break, Sid attacks a parking lot attendant and demands the keys to all the cars.

Kronik beats Reno down until Vito tries to make a save. The rest of the Thrillers come in to beat him down but Kronik isn’t cool because they thought Reno was a Thriller. Apparently there’s a tag match at Starrcade.

Insiders vs. Perfect Event vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

Non-title and the announcers talk about the Harris Twins’ sandwiches during the entrances. Nash, O’Haire and Palumbo and it’s Kevin getting superkicked a few seconds in. Stevie: “What does he call that kick?” Tony: “The Jungle Kick.” Stevie: “……ok.” Nash clotheslines them down and tags Page in for the house cleaning. Jindrak and Stasiak come in and beat Page down as well but Nash quickly comes back in for the real destruction. Palumbo gets jackknifed but Jindrak takes Nash down to set up a Seanton Bomb. Now it’s Page coming in with a Diamond Cutter on Jindrak, only to have Stasiak hit Page with a belt for the pin.

Rating: D. So to recap: Nash and Page were against four young guys, all of whom are either current or former Tag Team Champions and it took a belt shot to finally put them away. As we’ve firmly established, these stories are designed to make the older generation look good at the expense of the next generation. I don’t know how this benefits anyone but Page and Nash but I can’t wait for them to get the titles back on Sunday and set things right with the world.

The Thrillers worked over Nash’s knee during the break.

Sid is moving cars around in the parking lot.

Sgt. Dewayne Bruce vs. Goldberg

Goldberg doesn’t know who he’s facing because Jindrak and O’Haire took his monitor earlier in the night. Bruce says they have to do this even though Goldberg doesn’t want to do it. Cue Luger to say to say it’s Goldberg’s career if he doesn’t fight here. Goldberg tries to leave anyway but Sarge hits him in the back. Goldberg still won’t fight back until it’s a spear to put him down. There’s no Jackhammer though so Sarge grabs his leg and demands it. Goldberg grants the request and it’s 30-0.

Sarge is carried out on Goldberg’s shoulder.

Jamie Noble asks Kwee Wee, Paisley and Meng for advice on how to deal with Evan Karagias. Evan runs in to say they all have to come see what Sid is doing in the parking lot.

Shane Douglas vs. Lash Leroux

Before the match, Shane rants about how he’s stuck here without Torrie because of what Morrus did. Lash takes him down in a hurry and pounds away at Shane’s head before a snap suplex gets two. A suicide dive sends Shane into the barricade and it’s time to fight by the table. This has been all Lash so far and the announcers don’t sound very surprised. Back in and Shane grabs a powerslam but it’s a double clothesline to put them both down. Cue Chavo to offer Lash a chair but the distraction lets Shane load up the chain. Lash hits Shane with the chair though and that’s a quick DQ.

Shane lays him out with the chain so here’s Morrus for the save and some yelling at Chavo.

One of the Harris Twins has a stomach ache.

Sid is still playing with the cars.

Mike Awesome is ready for his ambulance match with Bam Bam Bigelow at Starrcade. Thankfully he says he’s ready for the Career Killer to come back so maybe That 70s Guy is dead.

Jarrett and company are ready for Sunday but one of the Twins isn’t looking so good. Tony finds this HILARIOUS.

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Filthy Animals

Elimination rules and it’s Konnan/Kidman/Mysterio. We’re not quite ready to go yet though as both Twins run to the back for some, ahem, relief. Konnan gets in an X Factor on Jarrett to start but the other Animals try to come in, allowing Jeff to get in a Stroke on Konnan for the elimination. Jeff’s music is quickly cut off because this match MUST CONTINUE! You know, because those are the rules.

Kidman snaps Jeff’s throat across the top rope for two but Jarrett suplexes Rey with one arm. A powerbomb plants Rey again but not before he tags Kidman in for a missile dropkick. The baseball slide low blow and the Bronco Buster have Jeff in trouble but the referee gets bumped. Jeff guitars Kidman but Rey springboards in with a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D-. This is a confusing one as it was fun while it lasted but I’d like to repeat the fact that the Harris Twins were out early because of an overdose of laxatives. Also you would think this match would be the big payoff on Sunday but why do that when you can have another hardcore match? The wrestling was actually good here but the story just crippled it, as is so often the case around here.

Video on Starrcade’s main events.

Sid almost has the ring of cars ready.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sgt. AWALL

Steiner is defending. Before the match, Steiner says Flair needs to thank Anderson for changing his mind about stripping the title. Steiner, in his deadly purple trunks, pounds AWALL down to start and we’re already seeming to be in squash territory. The comeback is quickly cut off with a belly to belly for two before Steiner throws him over the top. AWALL throws him over the barricade to put Steiner in trouble, setting up a powerslam for two back inside. A chokeslam looks to finish but AWALL would rather mess with the stupid table. That earns him a suplex through the table (good riddance) and the Recliner retains the title.

Rating: D. I can’t stand it when people do stupid things like AWALL messing with the table. It really does make these people look like the biggest morons in the world while also enforcing that relaxed rules nonsense. Even the WWF at the peak of its madness had some rules but this is basically ECW on a bigger stage which really doesn’t work.

Steiner chokes AWALL with the pipe until Sid gets up on screen and says since they can’t fight in the arena, come fight him in the parking lot. Scott heads outside to find a ring of cars ready for the fight because Sid may not be able to talk, but he can certainly park cars. After busting out a windshield for fun, Steiner hits Sid in the ribs with the pipe but has to fight out of a powerbomb. Steiner rams Sid’s head into the top of a car to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Bad wrestling, bad storytelling leading into bad matches and bad everything else (save for a decent angle with Goldberg not wanting to fight his mentor). This was a show that didn’t make me want to watch Starrcade but made me not want to watch WCW again. I know the running joke is that WCW was an old folks’ home but that’s exactly what we’re getting here. The biggest show of the year has three major matches and the only one with someone young is designed to make Nash and Page look good. It really is all about the old guard as we head into Starrcade near an all time low for the company.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #243
Date: June 5, 2000
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

It’s the go home show for the Great American Bash and they finally have the main event set as Kevin Nash is going to get a shot at Jeff Jarrett’s World Title. Tonight’s big match is the long awaited Goldberg vs. Tank Abbott showdown. Given that it’s a Russo run show, you never know what changes we might see so let’s get to it.

We recap Abbott vs. Goldberg in a failed attempt to make us believe that Abbott has a chance.

Here are Russo and Bischoff to open things up with Eric professing his LOVE for the crowd. If this show is as bad as I’m expecting, he needs to work on how he professes his affection for people. Bischoff brags about Luger being out with a broken face and Liz being too scared to come out of her dressing room. Wait if Luger isn’t here why did Liz show up?

Tonight Nash is running the New Blood gauntlet and if he loses, he’s out of the title match on Sunday. Also, Jarrett will defend the title against Sting. If they love Jarrett so much, why are they always putting him through this stuff? Russo whines about being forced out of New York and having nothing left to do but come down here to Atlanta. Tonight he’s going to destroy Space Mountain inside the big cage (a Cell instead of a regular cage) and give Flair the brain damage he deserves.

Bischoff promises to take the Hardcore Title from Terry Funk tonight. He’s not kidding is he? Eric rants about Goldberg messing up the plans to take out Nash last week and threatens to suspend him, only to have Goldberg himself come out. Russo says Goldberg has never dealt with a New Yorker and tells him to SPEAR THIS and does a crotch chop. So he wants…..never mind. Goldberg charges through security but the bosses escape.

After a break we look at what just happened and DJ Ran can be heard in the background. At least he’s not up in my area anymore.

Bischoff and Russo yell at the New Blood. Torrie can be seen storming off as this goes on. Good for her.

Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Chuck Palumbo/Shawn Stasiak

Rematch from Thunder where Stasiak/Palumbo took the belts via DQ. It’s a brawl to start until we get down to Palumbo charging into Clark’s elbow as the other two fight on the ramp. Shouldn’t Stasiak be destroyed by Adams in a straight fight? All four wind up in the ring and Clark plants Palumbo with a quick Meltdown. Remember when that was a big move and not just a transitional one for a guy in a tag team?

To make sure it’s clear how low that move has sunk, Adams throws Chuck (still legal I believe) to the floor to work on Stasiak, who seems to be legal by default now. Cue the Cat as Stasiak punches back on Adams but Palumbo has to come in to break up a piledriver attempt. A neckbreaker from Shawn brings Palumbo back in but Stasiak comes right back in with a high cross body.

Adams is tired of his hair being messed up and grabs a backbreaker on Shawn, setting up the tags to Clark and Palumbo. Clark cleans house but the Cat gets in the ring and threatens the referee. Palumbo and Clark fight into the crowd and Adams drops Stasiak onto the steps. With everyone on the floor, Cat grabs the referee and demands a count right now. Adams throws Stasiak in and Cat counts a very fast eight nine ten to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst match but you knew we were getting a screwy ending. Here’s the problem with this show: the ending here makes sense as Palumbo and Stasiak can’t hang with Kronik in a straight match so the heel boss is cheating. That’s standard operating procedure and makes sense here. However, when you have some kind of shenanigans of some sort in every match, something good like this has no impact.

Kronik goes after Cat but the champs make the save and take the beating themselves.

Kidman yells at Torrie (in a bikini with a skirt) for some reason until Major Gunns of all people makes the save, earning her some swearing.

Nash doesn’t have much to say about the gauntlet match but chuckles at being the last man in the building. “My gimmick’s alive!”

Video on Kidman vs. Hogan.

Gunns cries to the Misfits about what Kidman said to her. G.I. Bro promises to take care of things.

Goldberg chats with Nash and Steiner.

G.I. Bro vs. Kidman

So why would Russo and Bischoff grant Bro this match and what else did they have planned here? Booker is wrestling in his hat and clotheslines Kidman down to start. Some right hands in the corner have Kidman in even more trouble but Booker calls Gunns in for Shattered Dreams but here’s Kidman to hit him low instead. As usual, the referee doesn’t care about interference so Booker gets the pin off a Rock Bottom.

Both groups come in for the brawl and the Animals dominate.

Hardcore Title: Eric Bischoff vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending and Bischoff has the Cat with him to make this a bit less painful. Cat kicks a chair into Funk’s face, allowing Bischoff to demonstrate his nunchucks. Funk comes back with a trashcan and shields himself from Bischoff’s shots over and over. The villains run away and Funk chases them to the back…..and that’s it for now I guess.

The announcers chat so here’s Miss Hancock to dance. Before she can get anywhere, here are Kimberly and Awesome (with new music). Kimberly accuses Hancock of stealing her spotlight and doing it very poorly. Apparently the stripping secretary look was out in 1993 and isn’t doing anything for Hancock today. Kimberly hits her with the clipboard and leaves, but Hancock calls Kimberly fat (likely not allowed on TV today) and tells her to get back here. They’ll fight later apparently.

As they leave, Funk wheels Bischoff back to ringside (with Awesome looking at them without stopping) but we cut to the back (segment #4 in this match) to see Russo sending in the Mamalukes. Funk loads up a Stinkface but the Mamalukes come in and lay out Funk in less than two minutes, giving Bischoff the pin and the title.

Rating: F. Why let a wrestler do this when you can have a writer do it for you? The whole idea has been throwing challenger after challenger at Funk and he somehow escapes each time. Now for some reason the big ending is Bischoff taking the title instead of the Mamalukes, who haven’t done anything in months other than be more names on a long list of New Blood members. Let them be the ones to take the title instead, because this was all about giving Bischoff the spotlight because he hasn’t gotten enough of it yet. Such is life in WCW.

The Flairs are here.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Vampiro

Steiner is defending and talks about meeting up with some woman in Atlanta earlier today. For reasons that likely connect to Russo’s view on women, the Freaks are very pleased by this story. Vampiro has the gas and blow torch with him. The champ pounds away in the corner to start and throws Vampiro around with ease. A hard clothesline sets up the bicep elbow and they head outside.

Steiner blasts him in the back with a chair and slams him through a table as this is totally one sided so far. Vampiro pops back up and sends Scott into the barricade before throwing him back inside for a top rope spinwheel kick. There’s a blow torch to the face, only to have Midajah come in off the top with a high cross body. Vampiro chases her up the ramp with the gas and torch but here’s Sting for the save. Again, NONE OF THIS IS A DQ so Steiner suplexes Vampiro again and puts on the Recliner to retain.

Rating: D. So Steiner squashes Vampiro, Vampiro can only get back in it by cheating, then a baseball bat to the ribs isn’t enough for a DQ. There was no mention of Steiner’s title defense on Sunday because I’d be surprised they remember that he actually has a match on the pay per view. This wasn’t a bad squash until it got all zany with the fire stuff.

Tank Abbott vs. Goldberg

Tank chills on the floor for a bit until Goldberg catches him with a superkick….and it’s Rick Steiner coming in with a chair. Two shots and the big right hand from Tank get two and we’ve got Nash coming through the crowd (smart) for the save. Goldberg spears Abbott and hits the Jackhammer for the pin. This was exactly what I was expecting: a segment instead of a match, even though they could have done exactly the same thing in a two minute squash.

Kimberly yells about Hancock.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Sting is challenging and again this is in the middle of the card. Jeff jumps him during the entrances but Sting comes right back with a hot shot. Jeff’s dropkick is blocked by a powerbomb and he has to kick away from a Deathlock. Sting takes a chair to the back and they brawl around ringside for a bit. A clothesline puts the champ back inside and we get the sunset flip with the referee kicking Jeff’s hands away spot. Back up and Sting grabs a rollup for the pin and the title out of nowhere, beating Jarrett in less than two and a half minutes.

Oh never mind as Bischoff comes out and says he changed his mind because that wasn’t a title match. Jeff tries a belt shot but Sting ducks and puts him in the Deathlock on the ramp as Hudson talks about a Dusty Finish. Sting clocks Jarrett with the guitar and goes after Bischoff. Spoiler for later: save for Jarrett being taken away in an ambulance, neither Sting nor Jarrett will be seen for the rest of the show. The World Champion just got pinned clean in less than three minutes in the middle of a show six days before he defends the title in the main event of a pay per view. By the way, here are the recent ratings for Raw and Nitro:

May 22 – Raw: 7.1, Nitro: 3.0

May 29 – Raw: 6.4, Nitro: 3.0

June 5 – Raw: 5.9, Nitro: 2.8

June 12 – Raw: 6.8, Nitro: 3.0

Yeah keep going with that burying your champion after changing the title 18 times in five months. Maybe if you work hard, Raw will only double your numbers.

Jeff is put in an ambulance.

Here are Awesome and Kimberly to deal with Hancock. Before Hancock comes out though, Awesome talks trash about Page and introduces the women. Kimberly is ready to go but Hancock insists that Kimberly sign a release for the beating she’s about to get. Kimberly signs it so Hancock flashes the Diamond Cutter sign. Cue Page, but Kimberly brings up the restraining order. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET TO A MATCH??? As I’m sure you can guess, Kimberly just signed away the restraining order and it’s time for a mixed tag.

Kimberly/Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Miss Hancock

The girls start but Kimberly poses instead of doing anything. Hancock goes after her and Kimberly calls that pathetic. Now it’s time for Hancock to dance before she rips the M off the ME on Kimberly’s top. We’re still waiting on anything to actually happen. Kimberly tries to slap Page but he gets his hand up.

They catfight for a bit until Hancock slaps Awesome and runs over to Page for an actual wrestling match. Page speeds it up with a jumping clothesline and starts a brawl. That goes nowhere so Page tries a backslide, only to take a low blow to give Awesome control. Awesome sends Page flying with a nice German suplex but Page is right back up to send him into the buckle.

That’s enough wrestling (all minute and a half of it that we actually got) so they head outside with Awesome setting up a table. Back in and Awesome lands a frog splash as Hancock looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. Mike loads up the powerbomb over the top but Hancock pulls up her skirt for a distraction, allowing Page to grab a Diamond Cutter for the pin.

Rating: F. I know it’s hard to consider something a failure when it has Hancock and Kimberly in the same match but dear goodness this was a waste of time. This might have been fine on a house show but I’m supposed to believe that Awesome is this career killer and he’s in a glorified comedy mixed tag? Total waste of time.

Pamela tells us that Hulk isn’t fighting tonight.

Horace Hogan vs. Hulk Hogan

For some reason the cage is halfway down. Before the match, Bischoff says Jeff is going to be fine and tells Horace not to bother putting up a table because Hulk isn’t going to be here. So instead here’s Hollywood Hogan because this is different I guess. Hollywood asks for the cage to be completely lowered and it’s time for a Cell match because that’s what this match needed.

Hollywood starts in on the beating and it’s already weightlifting belt time. Horace bails to the floor where the beating continues but he kicks a chair into his uncle’s face to get a breather. Some chair shots hit the post though and Hollywood fights back, setting up the legdrop onto the chair onto Horace’s face for the pin.

Kidman comes in but gets beaten down as well.

Ric is ready for revenge. Yeah I’m sure.

Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair

Let’s get this over with because you know where this is going. Remember that this is in the Cell cage instead of a standard version, likely so we can have multiple interferences. Ric has Reid and Beth with him, meaning they’ll likely be kidnapped again. Russo looks terrified, albeit in a perfectly manly way. Vince grabs a headlock to start and shoulders Ric down. So he’s now on the list with names like Sting, Hogan and Luger.

Ric pops back up and goes for some chops but Russo kicks him low. Thankfully Flair is right back to his feet for some chops and a low blow of his own. This is probably more than Russo has sold since he’s been back. Ric suplexes him down and drops a knee because this is a wrestling match and not Russo’s total destruction because he’s the star of the show and therefore can’t take a beating like that. A few whips into the cage and chops have Russo in more trouble so here’s David Flair from under the ring to give Russo a chance.

So Ric beats up his son for a bit as Russo sets up a ladder in the ring for no apparent reason. He climbs up and pulls part of the roof down, likely so we can have more interference. Russo gets to the top of the cage but Ric follows him, only to get poked in the eye so Russo can get the better of it. Vince climbs back into the cage but Ric stomps his hands to make him fall. Since this is WCW, the camera misses the big crash.

Ric climbs down the ladder and puts Vince in the Figure Four, which Russo survives for OVER A MINUTE until the red liquid falls from the ceiling and knocks Ric and Charles Robinson out. David puts Ric in the Figure Four and Russo pops to his feet (not even a limp) and chokes Ric until Robinson counts the pin. Russo is polite enough to collapse after walking around the ring for a bit.

Rating: F. Think back for a minute to all the matches Flair has won with the Figure Four. He’s won titles, tournaments, showdowns, pay per view main events etc. with that hold and some of the biggest names of all time have passed out in the hold. You know who didn’t pass out or give up to it after nearly seventy seconds? Vince Russo. A writer, who still hasn’t lost a match in WCW and probably never will. Ric better have gotten a medal for putting Russo over like this because it

Nash and Steiner have a meeting before the main event.

The announcers chat for a bit. I always love seeing them at a makeshift table for some reason. It sums up WCW so well.

Kevin Nash vs. New Blood

Gauntlet match. Disco is out first in an Atlanta Falcons jersey, of course leading out Russo who is still not wearing a shirt. We get some Russo acting as he says Nash loses his shot if he gets pinned or if any of the Millionaires interfere. There are about ten guys on the ramp to come after Nash and Disco is in first, only to take a side slam for a quick pin after about nine seconds.

Candido and Johnny the Bull come in at the same time and Chris takes a Jackknife. Nash goes on to Johnny but the referee counts a pin on Candido, even though no one is touching him. Johnny gets the same treatment after a Jackknife, even though there was nothing stopping Nash from throwing a boot on him for a pin. Big Vito comes in and Nash Jackknifes him almost immediately for a “pin”. Even Nash seems confused as to why he doesn’t have to cover anyone and managed to get a boot on the chest at the three count.

Mysterio eats a big boot and Nash covers him with a boot for the pin. Normally I would make fun of Nash for embarrassing Mysterio like that but at least he’s trying to do this mess properly. Six guys come in for a big beatdown but here’s Goldberg to help Nash clean house. The match is thrown out somewhere at about two minutes and fifteen seconds. Yeah Nash beat (kind of at least) five guys in about a minute and WCW wonders why these guys weren’t taken seriously.

This brings out Bischoff to say that Goldberg is going to be suspended on Wednesday. Why he’s not suspended right now isn’t clear but Goldberg cuts him off to say if Bischoff suspends him, Bischoff is next to end the show.

Overall Rating: IWW. I was wrong. Dear goodness I was wrong about thinking it couldn’t get any worse than the things they had been doing. Between Russo staying in the Figure Four for over a minute and then not even limping ten seconds later to Bischoff winning a title to Nash and Goldberg running through the New Blood inside of five minutes to the World Champion losing in a nothing match that didn’t last three minutes, this show wasn’t just bad.

This show was running in the opposite direction and seemingly trying to either be as horrible and against what the fans wanted as possible. The pay per view was secondary to pushing the writers as the real stars of the show while so much of the night was about nothing. I have no idea what was supposed to make me want to get keep watching this show because the stories are totally uninteresting and far more confusing than they should be.

It’s really saying something when a show that aired over fifteen years ago makes me want to scream but this show pulled it off. WCW isn’t just about making Russo and Bischoff look good but now there’s almost nothing else on the show that I want to see. The World Title looks to be about on the same level as the WWF European Title (held by Eddie Guerrero at this point) right now and that’s not going to be enough to carry a promotion.

This company is about Russo and Bischoff vs. Nash, Goldberg and Hogan. Aside from being another version of the evil boss vs. the stars, the major problem here is none of the villains are treated like anything special, save for Russo and Bischoff. As I’ve said before, McMahon would take a beating and lose at times to make the winners look better. Russo still doesn’t get that though and it’s making for a horrible show, only to have the atrocious booking exacerbate everything. WCW can’t be saved by one tweak at this point, but at least it could hurt less. Unfortunately it’s probably going to get worse. It always does.

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Thunder
Date: May 27, 2000
Location: Wendler Arena, Saginaw, Michigan
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

So Jarrett is World Champion again after losing the title for a full week. The biggest change seems to be Nash moving in to the World Title scene, which is one of the least interesting things they could do, which is why we’re likely to see it happen. This company has to hit a wall soon enough but I don’t want to imagine what has to happen to reach that point. Let’s get to it.

Recap of Nitro’s latest title change.

Steiner and Nash arrive.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist

Daffney is defending, likely because she’s associated with Russo on screen and that makes her important. Before the match, Candido talks about how great it is to be part of the first couple of sports entertainment. Tammy gets to strip a bit as this is already getting boring. Again before the match, let’s get some words from the champ. She’s in a black wedding dress because she wanted David to propose to her but she’ll take the ring in the arena instead.

We finally start the match with Daffney getting away from the guys, setting up a three way champion/managers showdown. Cue Miss Hancock as Candido powerslams Artist for two. A Samoan drop puts Candido down and Daffney gets a near fall on each. Cue Crowbar to fight Artist, which is rather stupid as it leaves Daffney alone against Candido. As this is going on, Tammy pays Hancock for her clipboard but hits Candido by mistake, giving Daffney the pin, because Tammy swinging a half inch thick clipboard is enough to knock a professional wrestler unconscious after he’s been wrestling for two minutes.

Russo whines to Bischoff about all of his problems. Does he do anything besides book bad wrestling shows and complain about how much his life sucks?

Norman Smiley are trying to sell shirts when Shane Douglas comes up to give them a Hardcore Title shot. Why did he do that? Because the show’s script said he should.

Kimberly tells Elizabeth to put lotion on her back. You can add “puts his female talent in life versions of his erotica” to the list of things Russo does.

Hardcore Title: Shane Douglas vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

So Shane is officially Hardcore Champion after the New Blood beat Terry Funk down in a non match on Monday. We’re ready to go after Shane rips on Flair because he thinks people outside of Philadelphia actually care about that feud. Ralphus is in a gorilla suit (and I’m SURE it’s him and not someone else in a wacky surprise) which he wasn’t wearing and didn’t seem to have five minutes ago.

Naturally there’s something else to get to before another comedy title match as Bischoff says Douglas can’t give these two a title shot. Douglas takes Norman’s trashcan away and hammers on him to start. Ralphus’ cookie sheet shot has no effect so Shane beats on Norman with a trashcan lid, sending Ralphus out to the floor. Norman comes back with the spinning slam but the spanking dance is broken up by a low blow.

A neckbreaker and suplex get two on Smiley but Ralphus hits Douglas with a trashcan lid for no effect. Ralphus runs again but stops to pick at himself. Back in the ring and Norman collapses as Ralphus comes back. Some trashcan lid shots get two on Douglas and it’s table time. The chain to Norman’s head sets up a slam through the table but Ralphus grabs the chain and knocks Douglas out with a left hand for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. So to recap, Funk brought a gorilla suit (yes of course that’s where it’s going) on the off change that Douglas would get all cocky and offer Norman and Ralphus a title shot. We’ll of course ignore Funk not attacking Douglas in the multiple chances he had during the match but then again this isn’t the most complicated plan in the world.

Of course it’s Funk in the gorilla suit, meaning he’s the new champion.

Bischoff tells Cat to “Jackie Chan” Funk. At least go with Bruce Lee man.

Russo is talking to some old woman.

Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner are wearing goggles. Why? Not explained, but it makes for a funny random visual I guess.

After a recap of Russo vs. Flair, here are Russo, David, Daffney and the woman Russo was talking to. Russo says it’s time for another expose tonight, starring Reid’s sixth grade teacher Mrs. Snodgrass, who is every stereotypical old teacher you’ve ever seen. Apparently Reid was a hellion (her word) who would make rude noises. After more stories of Reid being a normal twelve year old, David grabs the mic and says he wants to fight Reid at the Great American Bash. For the love of all things good and holy, PLEASE let that match happen. It could be glorious.

That’s enough of the Flair story though as Nash comes out to advance another Russo story. He wants to kill Russo but so does this man: Scott Steiner. Nash and Steiner destroy security to get at Russo, who tells them to hit Snodgrass. This goes as well as you would expect so Nash and Steiner choke Russo down and demand a World Title match tonight. Russo makes a three way dance.

Jarrett yells at Russo, who can barely talk (HALLELUJAH).

Bischoff tells Douglas to deal with Funk tonight.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action

Elimination match because there’s no place for something like this on pay per view. Everyone brawls to start and Hammer (Stash. I’m not going to remember to change them to their new names most of the time so we’ll stick with the more familiar ones) throws Juvy at Konnan in a nice power display. All four Misfits splash Disco in the corner and he staggers over to Major Gunns for a kick low.

We settle down to Juvy vs. Chavo with Guerrera snapping off some chops. Guerrero is sent to the ramp but dives back in to take Juvy down and tag in Lash. Rey comes in for some rope running, followed by a side slam from Leroux. The dancing punches are good for two and it’s off to Juvy, only to have Disco sneak in and help on a double powerbomb to eliminate Lash. It’s Hammer coming in to throw Disco around with a spinebuster getting two.

Juvy tries to come in off the top but gets slammed down, setting up a horrible cobra clutch slam (you would think Juvy could jump better than that) for a one count. This brings Disco in with a kendo stick to clean house, allowing Rey to come in off the top with a seated senton to eliminate Hammer. Disco comes in and takes Chavo down with a swinging neckbreaker, only to have Chavo pop up and hook the tornado DDT for the elimination.

It’s off to Juvy whose headscissors is countered into a reverse powerbomb (always liked that move) for two. Rection’s moonsault is enough to pin Juvy and we’re down to Rection/Chavo vs. Konnan (hasn’t been in yet)/Mysterio. Cue Shawn Stasiak for no apparent reason but Booker debuts his fatigues look to clean house. A spinebuster plants Rey and the Misfits win just because.

Rating: C-. This could have been better but a WCW match getting nine minutes and only having two people interfere is a rare treat these days. I still don’t know why this wasn’t on pay per view but I’d assume it was so they could have three other matches in its place. It’s also nice to see that Russo has gotten in his standard stable wars within a bigger stable war, even though no one is really getting a rub out of this.

Bischoff tries to break up an argument between Kidman, Horace and Torrie.

Elizabeth shoves Kimberly and runs away. Don’t worry. She’ll be kidnapped again by the end of the show.

Russo is talking to Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott.

Shane can’t find Funk.

The Wall vs. Chuck Palumbo

Tables match. Wall suplexes him to start and lifts him up in the corner for some choking. Palumbo escapes an attempt at a slam through a table and elbows out of a chokeslam. The exercise bar knocks Wall off the apron and through the table. This was NOTHING. Like even by WCW standards, this was a waste of time.

Wall chases Palumbo to the back because a metal rod to the face through the table isn’t worth selling.

Kimberly is ordered to find Elizabeth. Why is Elizabeth such an important character on this show? She doesn’t wrestle, she barely talks, she hasn’t meant anything important in years at this point, yet she’s getting more air time than a lot of the champions in this company. Elizabeth is cool but you would think she was one of the stars of the show at this point.

Here are Bischoff (doing his airplane bit), Torrie, Kidman and Horace for a chat. Bischoff gets to the point and says that the music dies at the Great American Bash. Hogan’s music that is. Horace blames Hulk for ruining his career and it’s open challenge time.

Horace Hogan/Kidman vs. Kronik

Non-title and Bischoff is doing commentary because what else is he going to do? Clark chops away at Kidman to start and kicks him in the face. As Bischoff rambles about Hulk, Kidman comes back with a dropkick, only to get choked up against the ropes. Kidman comes out of the corner with a Bodog and it’s off to Adams for some more power. A sleeper is easily countered as Adams flips Kidman onto the mat, only to have Kidman come back with a hurricanrana.

Horace flips Kidman off when he comes for a tag so Bischoff gets up, only to be shoved back down. Horace gets a chair as Kronik gives Kidman High Times. Clark loads up Kidman for a chair but Horace turns (?) on him to lay Kronik out with a chair, giving Kidman the pin. The announcers have no idea if this was a title match or not.

Rating: D. Another bad match but Kronik is still a fun enough act. Kidman and Horace’s issues aren’t interesting together but most of that is due to Horace being as generic of a big man as I can remember in a very long time. I like the idea of pushing someone new, but there comes a point where it’s not going to happen. Put someone else in there and let it be over already.

Shane yells at Norman and Ralphus about letting Funk take Ralphus’ place. Norman says Funk paid double what Shane did but he’s already left the building. Shane punches Smiley and takes Ralphus to help him find Funk. So Norman and Ralphus, two guys with no money, wouldn’t accept a title shot without being paid for it? That’s how worthless the title is?

Shane brings Ralphus to the ring and beats him down until Wall, who is facing Shane at the Great American Bash in a tables match, comes out for a brawl. As Norman tends to Ralphus, Shane dives off the apron and gets chokeslammed through the announcers’ table.

Booker T. is with the Misfits and says he’s now to be known as G.I. Bro. I’m assuming this would be the idea that Booker was talking about on Monday when he said “tune in next week”. So now they can’t even wait a week for the GENIUS idea of G.I. Bro, which Booker had used years earlier.

Kimberly has security looking for Elizabeth.

G.I. Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak stomps the new guy down in the corner to start and chokes him on the ropes. They head outside with Bro hitting an ax handle off the apron, followed by a some right hands back inside, only to have Stasiak hot shot him. Back to the floor as Stasiak continues to search for anything resembling a good offense. Bro is sent into various objects before they head back inside and exchange clotheslines for two each. A powerbomb gets the same for Stasiak but he tries to bring in a chair, allowing Bro to hit his series of kicks, followed by the Book End for the pin.

Rating: D+. So it’s just Booker T. in fatigues. I’ve heard worse ideas, like having Stasiak get in this much offense when you’re trying to get over a new character or having Terry Funk win the Hardcore Title back two days after he kind of lost it or having Vince Russo as the centerpiece of your show.

Post match Stasiak hits him with a chair and beats Booker down, likely setting up a rematch at the pay per view. Or tonight in case Russo can’t wait to blow that hot feud off as well.

Mike Tenay is with Sting, who doesn’t think anything of Vampiro. Ten years ago he was just like Vampiro (no he wasn’t) but now that he’s grown up, he still has the fire in his eyes. Tenay asks about the inferno match and Sting calls the idea stupid. He’ll take the challenge though because that’s what he does. The lights go out and come back on to reveal the set on fire. You really didn’t need to turn the lights back on for that guys.

Kimberly is in the back for a talk but Elizabeth attacks her from behind and drags her away. This can’t end well.

Here’s Diamond Dallas Page with some biting commentary: Bischoff sucks. Well that’s one way of putting it. He talks about working hard to get where he is today and how Bischoff has turned his wife against him and Awesome injuring Kanyon (he’s way too calm about that). He keeps going on about all the things Bischoff has done to him when Liz brings Kimberly out by the hair.

Oh yeah this is going exactly where you expect it to: Page spanks Kimberly, giving Russo more fuel for his personal pleasure later on. As this is going on, Palumbo kidnaps Liz and I roll my eyes. That has to be the sixth or seventh time it’s happened and we’re still supposed to care? Anyway Mike Awesome pops up on screen in Kanyon’s hospital room, looking rather menacing. Oh well enough of that because we need to see people walking to the ring.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner

Jarrett is defending and has Russo with him for commentary of course. As Steiner comes out, we’re told that Palumbo kidnapped Elizabeth AGAIN, meaning Russo has her again. I’m so sick of this story. Despite Russo’s voice being sore from the choke, he has to talk even more, this time making himself guest referee for the match so it will be an even playing field. They’re going to change the title on some wacky occurrence aren’t they?

Nash immediately chases Russo into the crowd (how manly of Russo to run with a sore throat), leaving Steiner to beat Jarrett up. The champ is tied into the Tree of Woe and Nash comes back to choke him. Russo and his security are on the ramp so Steiner goes after them as well. Russo’s bat is taken away from him but Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott show up on the stage with Scott’s freaks.

Scott goes after them, leaving Russo to go after Nash who promptly hits him in the face. Jarrett hits Nash in the back with a bat to break up the Jackknife to the boss. Back up and Nash hits the referee (Billy Silverman, who has been refereeing the match despite what Russo said) by mistake. Jeff misses a belt shot so Nash hits him in the face with the title. Russo pulls the referee out of the ring at two and hits him with a guitar.

Jeff blasts Nash with a chair and Russo counts two but since we haven’t had something going on for all of six seconds, here’s Steiner to run through Russo’s security, clearing a path for referee Mickie Jay. Steiner chases Russo off and Nash powerbombs Jarrett for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. To quote Gorilla Monsoon: “WILL YOU STOP???” Look at all the insanity in this match and then consider that it didn’t even run five minutes. Normally I would talk about how you should just have a three way if you want to have a three way, but such common sense is lost on someone like Russo. Horrible “match” of course because they couldn’t go fifteen seconds without something else happening.

The announcers treat this like the biggest title change in years. I could buy that if this wasn’t the sixteenth title change since the beginning of the year. That’s sixteen title changes (including vacancies) in less than five months. Let’s put this in some perspective.

Counting backwards from today (October 17, 2015), you would have to go back to Summerslam 2011 to see the WWE Championship change hands sixteen times.

Starting with the inception of the title (February 1991), the WCW World Title didn’t change hands sixteen times until November 1995.

Finally, starting at Barely Legal 1997, the ECW World Title changed hands exactly sixteen times until their final pay per view in January 2001.

So we have four years, four and a half years, just under four years, or less than five months in WCW 2000.

Overall Rating: D-. It’s the same old troubles as always as Russo can’t stop putting everything he can think of into one show. You had two title changes tonight plus the Tag Team Champions losing a match and maybe the titles (this would be the second time in a month where it’s not clear if we have new champions or not).

There’s so much stuff going on here that I’m desensitized to everything they’re doing. How can I feel the impact of Nash winning the title if I’m still reacting to Flair winning it just nine days earlier? There’s so much going on and no time to take it in, but Russo keeps making things faster and faster. The pay per view still doesn’t have an announced main event and the show is in eleven days. We’re in the dark days of Russo here as he has full control and is showing why that’s a horrible idea. I don’t want to imagine where it’s going to go from here.

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Thunder
Date: May 17, 2000
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,066
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

So Ric Flair is the new World Champion and now it’s all about trying to find out how Russo can screw up having one of the most popular stars and best wrestlers in the company on top. Granted I’m sure some of it will involve Russo beating Flair up to affirm his manliness for the week because he seems to forget it every other show. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of Flair winning the title.

Opening sequence.

The New Blood arrives in a school bus and Shane Douglas, put in charge tonight by Bischoff, takes roll. Konnan isn’t cool with listening to Shane (he probably had enough of that in ECW) and the brawl is on. Cue the Millionaire’s Club and Misfits for a brawl (leave it to Russo to have mini stables fighting in the big stable war) and Hogan steals the bus keys from Douglas.

The announcers talk about Flair and Russo. To be fair we’re four minutes into the show so a Russo discussion was warranted.

Here’s are the Misfits and the Club (complete with the hottest act in the business in Terry Funk) to open things up. Hogan holds up the keys to the bus and tells Shane to tear up the format because they’re booking this show tonight. Cue the New Blood with Shane saying Russo and Bischoff left him in charge. It sounds like a five year old saying he’s in charge of day care while the boss is making lunch.

Hogan says he beat Kidman at Slamboree and wants a rematch at the Bash. If Hogan wins, he gets the title shot at Bash at the Beach in July. Kidman agrees to fight the mark (gah those insider terms were starting to go away) at the Bash before Hogan tells Horace they’re fighting tonight. Wait weren’t Kidman and Horace mad at each other on Monday? Jarrett says he wants Flair tonight so Ric comes to the stage and goes after all of the New Blood so it’s time for a big stable war.

The Filthy Animals aren’t pleased with Shane.

Misfits in Action vs. Filthy Animals

Eight man tag. We’re ready to go after Konnan massacres the English language yet again. Disco gets sent into the corner to start and the big men hit running splashes. This brings in Major Gunns as the match is already falling apart. It’s off to Hammer vs. Juvy with the guy you would expect to use a hurricanrana using a hurricanrana out of the corner. Hammer comes right back with right hands and a superplex for two before it’s Rey vs. Rection. I still feel bad having to type that name so often.

Some kicks set up the Bronco Buster but Rection lifts Rey up into a powerbomb position. Rey punches him in the head to make Rection go down (yeah yeah I know) and that’s exactly what he does…..right into a powerbomb. Well you can’t blame Rection for that one. Chavo comes in to clean house on Konnan but Shawn Stasiak sneaks out to low bridge him to the floor and that’s actually a DQ. I didn’t know those still existed but maybe it’s because Russo and Bischoff aren’t here. I could get used to this.

Rating: D+. There was some nice action in here but as usual they didn’t have time to do anything. Russo and Bischoff did love themselves some stable wars and if they can have a mini stable war inside the big stable war you know they’re going to be all for it. It’s still not very interesting after we’ve seen it 67 times, but that never stopped WCW before.

The Misfits get beaten down until Booker makes the save, leading to Major Gunns taking off her top and giving Chavo CPR. Tenay: “It must be the large lungs.”

Luger tells the Millionaires he has to go and take care of something.

Booker T. (yes T again. I’ll give Russo this: he knew enough to realize how stupid that idea was) says he’s got the Misfits’ back.

Hulk Hogan vs. Horace Hogan

Hulk blames Horace’s actions on the death of his father. I’m sure the gorgeous blonde had nothing to do with it. In the back we see Kidman trying to come out but Horace beats him up to stop it. Horace grabs Torrie’s hand and drags her to ringside where Hulk immediately attacks him.

The nephew is sent into various metal objects until he rakes Hulk’s eyes after Hulk sets up a table. They get inside and Hulk starts with the weightlifting belt to take over again. Torrie gets on the apron for a distraction and Horace gets in a cheap shot. Horace kisses Torrie, drawing out Kidman to beat him down. The distraction lets Hulk hit Horace in the back with a chair for the lame pin.

Rating: D-. That’s some strong nepotism. I like the idea of trying to push Horace as something new, but that might involve them actually letting him pin Hulk, or at least not get destroyed by him in four minutes. That being said, he got to kiss Torrie so it’s not a total loss. Nothing match of course, as anyone would have expected.

Post match Hulk goes after Torrie but kisses her instead, knocking Torrie down to the mat. Hulk leaves and Torrie can’t stop smiling. So now Hulk is the great lover. Does that make Kidman the original Bubba the Love Sponge?

Chuck Palumbo is lifting at the gym but here’s Lex Luger to kick out his spotter and attack Palumbo with a pipe. Palumbo gets thrown into a laundry bin and hit with a “45lb weight.” Yes it’s real because 45lb weights bounce along the floor when you throw them down. Luger pours a protein shake on Palumbo for good measure. So we have pipes and covering someone in liquid. This is totally different than the other phallic weapons that Russo usually has people use.

Norman and Ralphus are selling homemade F.U.N.B. shirts. Where did they get the money to make those if they had $1.20 between them on Monday?

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Cat

This is Funk giving Cat a shot due to what happened Monday. Funk attacks him on the ramp and gets two each off a DDT and neckbreaker. They fight into the back with Funk nailing him with a computer, only to be sent into a pile of water bottles. Some trash can shots have Cat in trouble so he comes back with a bag of popcorn.

They keep throwing each other into various things and there’s nothing going on in between. It heads outside with Funk breaking down Norman and Ralphus’ t-shirt table. He beats on them with a chair for good measure but Cat attacks him from behind. They fight onto a car and Cat throws Funk off, only to have to beat up Norman to cut off his sales pitch. Smiley hits Cat with a chair to give Funk the pin.

Rating: D. This was entertaining at times with the Norman stuff being worth more than the rest of the match. I think I’ve complained enough about Funk’s major push already and at least this was just a one on one match. Miller is fine for a comedy guy but he was never a real threat here.

Norman and Ralphus get arrested. It was a nice idea while it lasted.

Here’s Mike Awesome to brag about crippling Kanyon. He’s got DDP at the Bash but tonight it’s an open challenge. Scott Steiner comes out and promises to put Awesome in the ambulance, which just happens to be ready for them.

Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner kicks him low to start and does the belly to belly into the pushups. I guess the elbow is still in development. Awesome bails to the floor and throws in a chair but Steiner catches it, only to throw it at Mike and miss. It’s Awesome with a low blow this time, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. It says a lot that they have so many gimmick matches that they can’t remember if they’re having another one here or not. The Awesome Bomb is broken up and Steiner puts on the Recliner, only to have Goldberg’s music break it up.

It’s Tank of course but Rick Steiner sneaks in from behind to start a 3-1 on his brother. Cue the Goldberg truck in the arena and the distraction lets Scott throw Rick and Tank at the truck. This is too much for Awesome who gets in the ambulance and drives away, I guess giving Steiner the win. And yes I mean Scott. I shouldn’t have to clarify that someone not in the match can’t win it, but stranger things have happened around here lately.

Rating: D. Like I said, the fact that they seem confused over whether or not they’re having a gimmick match tells you most of what you need to know here. Mike losing again makes me roll my eyes but it’s been clear for a long time that this alleged youth movement is more smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that it’s all about the old guys.

Shane tries to fire up the New Blood but he’s no Russo or Bischoff. Take that however you want to.

Mike Tenay is in the hospital with Kanyon, who has little feeling from the waist down. He saw what was happening in the main event at Slamboree and had to get involved because Page has done so much for him. Kanyon certainly isn’t bothered that Page is out walking while he’s here in the hospital because he’ll survive this. He’s going to turn on Page and the announcers are going to be disgusted at such a horrible thing right?

Shane gets a phone call from Kronik who want him in a three way dance tonight. Douglas hangs up on them and tells the New Blood to watch his door. They tell him to fight his own battles and leave.

During the break, Kronik broke into Shane’s locker room and drag him to the ring for a fight.

Kronik vs. Shane Douglas

It seems that Kronik are the official champions after the win on Monday. Sure why not. Shane tries to fight back with a foreign object but Clark knocks it out of his hand and hits the pumphandle slam. Cue the Wall with a table to chokeslam Shane through a table for revenge from Monday. High Times completes the squash. Tony tries to call this a three way dance but give me a break.

Rating: D-. So tonight’s lesson is the New Blood comes apart as soon as the calm and soothing voices of Russo and Bischoff aren’t around. Yes they’re somehow putting themselves over all the wrestlers despite not even being in the building. Total squash here as it should have been and now the Wall seems to be defecting. I’m sure that means he gets buried soon.

Here’s the new champ with something to say but he has to wait for a FIFTEEN TIMES chant. As usual he says “last night” but at least he corrects himself and says Monday night. Flair tells Jarrett that he was lucky to win on Monday but he still has the belt. Jarrett comes from the old school and that earns Ric’s respect but now it’s time for the champ to worry about his home life.

That brings him to Russo, who was a skinny Italian kid growing up in the Bronx. Russo’s dad told him to be like Bruno Sammartino but Russo thought Bruno wasn’t slick enough. So Russo’s dad bought him cable and one day Russo saw WCW out of Atlanta, Georgia. The sight of Flair scared Russo’s mom (who speaks with a stereotypical Italian accent like Russo’s dad) and all that was left was Russo who had a checkbook but no muscles.

Russo wanted to be a limousine riding jet flying kiss stealing wheeling dealing son of a gun but no muscles, no girlfriends and now he doesn’t even have the World Title. The title represents the old generation and tradition. Flair got lucky but he’s got the belt and the title is all there is in this sport. Since Russo can’t take over the great ones, he’s taking over Ric’s son. Cue Jeff Jarrett and the fight is quickly on but Crowbar and David come in to help with the beating.

This means Horsemen music and Arn with a pipe for the save. Anderson says Russo woke up another old dog last week and he always wakes up grumpy. He was content to just work backstage and do what he could but the reality is he’s a wrestler. When Anderson comes home and sees his kid playing with matches, he stops caring about what people think and whips that kid with a belt so he doesn’t do it again. Anderson holds up the four fingers and says tonight it’s Anderson and Flair one more time.

Vampiro rambles about being the real freak and burns a Sting mask.

Here’s Sting with something to say. He’s been doing this for more than ten years but Vampiro has him about to blow a gasket. Vampiro comes out to say Sting has no backbone because he didn’t finish the job on Monday. Sting wants to be Vampiro and they need to fight again at the Great American Bash in an inferno match. Sting says no so Vampiro lights the ropes on fire.

Shane asks Jarrett for help.

Ric Flair/Arn Anderson vs. Crowbar/David Flair

We cut to the back to see Anderson getting beaten down (apparently he broke his foot in between the segment and the match so he couldn’t go). Jarrett comes out to attack Flair and it’s Crowbar and David to make it 3-1. David puts on the Figure Four but here’s Nash, allowing Flair to small package Daffney for the pin. Another day, another ridiculous win where a no contest would have made sense.

Nash cleans house but Ric collapses on the ramp. From what I can find, including in Flair’s book, this was a legit inner ear issue and not scripted.

The New Blood gets on their bus but they don’t have the keys. The Millionaire’s Club appears and pushes the bus over onto its side. This brings on the Goldberg truck to charge at the bus as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t explain to you how much easier this show was to sit through without Russo showing up all over it. The amount of time he gets on TV every week is one of the major problems WCW has been having lately because it’s complete overkill. Bischoff is around a lot too but it’s nowhere near as annoying with him, probably due to his voice not being so horrible. This show was a nice break from those two as you don’t need them in every segment to make something work. It’s still not good or anything due to the horrible way of running a show, but this was a lot less of a chore to get through than your common Nitro.

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Thunder
Date: May 10, 2000
Location: Prairie Capital Convention Center, Springfield, Illinois
Attendance: 4,129
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

Believe it or not, WCW had a good show earlier in the week to lead into this one. Above all else they slowed things down a bit and are finally acting like something resembling a wrestling company. We’re coming up on Great American Bash and it’s not really clear what the main event is going to be. Ric Flair was scheduled to be challenging Jeff Jarrett for the World Title but that might have been changed to Ric vs. his son David instead. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Crowbar vs. Chris Candido

No Russo and Bischoff to start? I could get used to this. I’m sure I won’t need to but I could do it. Candido is defending and talks about how awesome Tammy is before we get going. They start fighting right at the bell and Crowbar tries something resembling a headscissors. Candido pops back up and grabs a DDT for two. It doesn’t have a ton of effect as Crowbar has a thick skull so he pops up with a Death Valley Driver and a slingshot legdrop for two of his own.

Tammy offers a distraction but Candido gets thrown to the floor anyway for a dive from Crowbar. Back in and Candido suplexes him over the top and onto the ramp as this is more wrestling than you usually get on these shows. Like I said, they’re toning it down a bit lately and things are working a lot better. Back in and Crowbar gets crotched on top but Daffney breaks up the top rope headbutt. The Frankenscreamer triggers a catfight but Candido hits Crowbar low and the headbutt retains the title.

Rating: C+. More unnecessary shenanigans messing up what was a good match to start the show. Crowbar is an underrated guy and it’s nice to see him getting to do something other than the hardcore nonsense that he was best known for. Candido continues to be so smooth in the ring but it’s a shame that they’re trying to put so much focus on Tammy when she’s miles beyond the Sunny years.

Terry Funk won’t give Bischoff the Hardcore Title so it’s time for some heat. Why is Terry Funk being Hardcore Champion one of the top stories in this company? This is typical WCW. Yeah Funk is hardcore and yeah he’s a legend, but this is a story that could be used to make someone into a big deal. How about Crowbar? Let him have the title and make him into a big deal. No instead we need someone who was World Champion over twenty years ago for a nostalgia run that no one outside of Texas was really dying to see. I know Funk is awesome, but he doesn’t need this.

David Flair, Crowbar, Daffney and Vince Russo were in New York. Daffney is told to go do something while the three of them see a movie. The implication is that it’s adult in nature, which raises several questions about Russo in general as it was his idea.

Hardcore Title: Harlem Heat vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending though I think Big T.’s gut weighs more than Terry on its own. Terry comes out carrying chickens because we’re still referencing that stupid Dustin Rhodes story. Thankfully they don’t spend too long selling the chickens and some double teaming, including a snazzy run down the ramp and diving clothesline from T., puts Funk in trouble. Cash’s involvement doesn’t help much and T. hits Stevie with a trashcan lid by mistake. We finally get the Harlem Heat collapse, allowing Terry to hit Cash with a chair to retain. Does it matter that Cash wasn’t officially in the match?

Rating: D. Well at least we got rid of Harlem Heat and on top of that we get to add another win for Funk. They kept this one short and limited it to some basic weapons shots which is probably best all around. The Hardcore Title idea was long past its expiration date in both companies at this point and I’m hoping they tone this thing down soon.

Tenay is interviewing Vampiro and asks him why he’s in character. Oh for the love of all things good and made of Gordon Solie’s tricep meat. Vampiro talks about his love of music inspiring him to wear makeup and get tattoos while Sting is treated like a king. He has “Steve’s” vulture (when did he take that?) and brings up Ozzy Osborne biting the head off a dove. Cue Sting to hit Vampiro with the bird’s cage (“For your first cage match!”) and call him Ian, which makes Vampiro laugh.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Lash Leroux

I love alliteration. Before the match, Lash says he wants to be known as Corporal Cajun. Hennig comes out for commentary which will likely not explain his actions on Monday. A rollup gets two for Cajun but he gets slammed face first out of the corner to put him down. Stasiak gets two off a tilt-a-whirl powerbomb and they head outside with Cajun being rammed into various objects.

Shawn gets two off a top rope clothesline and you can feel the lack of charisma from him. Stasiak is fine with the technical stuff but he has no presence and is really just a guy in good shape doing moves. Even Cajun, who was really nothing beyond average, has far better ring presence and charisma than Stasiak. Shawn is totally adequate in the ring but he’s nothing more than that. Anyway Cajun comes back with a missile dropkick and they fall out to the floor again. This time Hennig drops Cajun on the announcers’ table though, setting up Stasiak’s PerfectPlex for the pin.

Rating: D+. The action was a bit better here and I guess they’re going with “if you can’t beat him, help him win matches against wrestlers he should have no trouble beating himself” for Hennig. I know Stasiak isn’t the most interesting guy in the world but at least they’re putting a young guy over a veteran. Hennig is over for the rest of his career so a single loss isn’t going to hurt him. Thankfully he’s one of the guys smart enough to realize this and put Stasiak over.

The rest of the Misfits chase Hennig off.

Russo makes Liz vs. Rhonda Singh tonight and if Liz wins she gets to be with Luger. These segments are just ways for Russo to be around the woman he had a big crush on back in the day aren’t they?

Back in New York, because we need two Russo sections, Vince messes with Daffney thinking a replica Statue of Liberty is the real one.

Rhonda Sing vs. Elizabeth

The fat jokes start during the entrances. Liz hides in the corner to start and Sing crushes her with a splash. Luger comes in to break up another splash, allowing Liz to kick Sing in the chest. Luger Racks Sing…..and that’s a submission. Tony: “He is the strongest man in the world!” Oh screw you Schiavone and Russo/Bischoff for feeding him that line.

Post match Chuck Palumbo comes out with a ball bat (that’s WAY too common a weapon) to knock out Luger and kidnap Liz again.

This match was embarrassing. They brought these two out here so Russo could make fat jokes about Sing and drool over Liz in wrestling gear (a black t-shirt and camouflage skirt) while getting some of his precious violence against women in there. As usual, it’s all about Russo having the mentality of a 12 year old at 39 years old. The fat jokes aren’t funny and these segments get more and more disgusting every time.

Here are Russo/Daffney/David because we haven’t seen enough of them tonight. Russo asks for a moment of silence for Ric Flair. Oh please like Russo could ever let that mouth of his have a rest. Ric walked out of wrestling on Monday night after Russo broke him. What people don’t know is how horrible of a father Ric has been for the last twenty one years. David whines about his dad never being there for him on the first day of school and when he went to the prom. He wanted his dad at the prom? I mean, I know Ric has been in drag before but this is ridiculous.

David isn’t done yet as he calls out Uncle Arn for a talk. Anderson comes out and asks if “I’m mad” is really the best excuse David can come up with. Russo is just trying to control David to get to Ric and David is letting it happen. Arn teamed with Ric for fifteen years and was compared to him every day. Ric was so upset over having to miss big days in his son’s life but he would be out there wrestling with 105 degree fevers because the people like you and you and you paid to see him. All David has ever had to worry about was what college he was going to and picking out what car his dad would buy him the day he graduates.

Russo chimes in (oh please. Grace us with your wisdom) and makes Arn vs. David for tonight. Arn doesn’t seem worried. “I might not be the Enforcer anymore but David isn’t the Nature Boy. Let’s do it.” As usual, Anderson is one of the greatest talkers of all time and sums up the whole story in as simple of a manner as anyone ever could with the perfect emotion.

Bischoff and company are talking to Chuck Palumbo.

Hogan arrives. I bet he isn’t even fined for being so late.

Bischoff gives Funk one more Hardcore Title match tonight. This is airing two days after the WWF did the exact same story with Chris Jericho and the Intercontinental Title.

Hardcore Title: Chuck Palumbo vs. Terry Funk

Time for Funk to beat another rookie they’re trying to build up. Palumbo is challenging and of course does Luger’s entrance. Chuck starts fast and hits Funk in the head with a chair. It’s already table time and Funk goes through the wood in the corner. Since Funk’s character is that he’s indestructible, he pops right back up and takes it to the floor for some brawling. Well at least they’re doing something they should do in a hardcore match.

It goes into the crowd and then into the back with Funk taking over. Some trashcans to the head don’t do much good for either guy so Chuck tries to slam him onto a spinning fan and therefore kill him. This brings in Luger who throws Palumbo up against a dumpster, giving Funk the pin to retain. That would be Palumbo’s debut as anyone important and he’s 0-1.

Rating: D+. So not only are they blatantly ripping off WWF’s idea but they’re also having Funk beat three guys in one night, including Palumbo who could go somewhere for them. This could have been a backstage segment and accomplished the same thing, but then we might not have gotten Bischoff on screen again.

The security beats up Luger post match and Palumbo slams him into a door. Funk has wondered off somewhere, probably trying to find a John Wayne movie.

Kevin Nash arrives, but the more interesting thing is Norman Smiley and Ralphus holding up a “Will Wrestle For Food” sign. Got an act the fans are getting interested in? Well make sure they don’t get to go in the ring!

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

If Horace loses, he’s fired. Hulk is also banned from ringside but Bischoff and the Filthy Animals are here with Kidman. Horace powers him around to start and hits a quick Rock Bottom. Kidman gets up and hits Charles Robinson but Bischoff makes it No DQ. That allows Horace to hit Kidman with a chair but a Bischoff distraction lets Kidman score with a dropkick. Bischoff makes it falls count anywhere and I’m having flashbacks to Over the Edge 1998.

Horace boots Kidman in the face so let’s make it a handicap match, even though it could have been already given that it’s No DQ. The Animals come in and beat the heck out of Horace with Kidman adding a Macho Man (you remember him. The guy that came back last week like it was a big deal and will never be seen again with no explanation) elbow. The Animals go to the floor but Horace gets up and plants Kidman with a Death Valley Driver for the pin. Not so fast of course because it’s now a Texas Death Match so Kidman has a ten count to get up.

Kidman gets up at nine and Bischoff hits Horace in the back with a chair and makes it an I Quit match. Eric is feeling nice though and offers Horace a spot on the team, earning him some spit in his eye. This brings in the Animals for a dog pile pin on Horace to end this No DQ, falls count anywhere, handicap, Texas death, I quit match which Kidman won via a pinfall.

Rating: F. For Foley, who did this way better. That’s the major difference. When Russo did this for Austin vs. Foley, not only was it a 20+ minute match, but they were capable of having a great match no matter what the rules were. This was Kidman vs. Horace in a match that didn’t even last six and a half minutes. Russo of course didn’t get the difference.

After the match, Hulk comes in to destroy everyone, including no selling Bischoff’s chair shot. He chases Bischoff to the back until Nash comes out to take care of the Filthy Animals. This brings out Russo to list off some of Nash’s stupid gimmicks over the years and there’s a blood bath for Big Kev.

Post break, Russo and Bischoff get in a limo but Hogan and Nash show up to destroy the car with ball bats.

Arn Anderson vs. David Flair

This is going to be interesting. Anderson gets behind David with ease and shoves him into the corner. A takedown puts Flair down even more easily so David tries to cheat with choking and punches. This goes as well as a scrawny kid punching Arn Anderson is going to go so David rakes the eyes. Crowbar tries to run in and eats a great spinebuster. Now it’s Daffney coming in and hitting Arn low, allowing David to bust another Statue of Liberty (again: the real money in wrestling is mass producing breakaway weapons) over Arn’s head. The referee gets tossed and the match is thrown out.

The bloody Arn is put in the Figure Four as Crowbar counts a pin.

Now it’s off to New York where David, Crowbar and Daffney are in a toy store. Is there a point coming to these segments anytime soon?

Here’s Rick Steiner with something to say. After a clip of him turning on his brother on Monday (it’s still not clear if Scott is a face or a heel), Rick says that Goldberg is old news. He brings out the man who might not be the prettiest in the world but he can knock Goldberg out with one punch. Tank comes out with the Goldberg parody entrance, complete with Russo and Bischoff security and sparklers. So he’s kind of parodying Gillberg? Rick talks about attacking Scott last night (HIRE AN EDITOR ALREADY! OR GIVE THE WRESTLERS A CALENDAR!) because Scott turned on him two years ago to join the NWO.

Tank says he’s going to run Goldberg over but here’s Kronik to interrupt for some reason. The brawl is on and here are Bagwell and Douglas to try to get their title belts back. Scott Steiner runs out to go after Rick but Rick bails, leaving Scott and Kronik to beat up security. We cut to the back to see the Goldberg truck crushing Tank and Rick’s car. Didn’t he do that to Sid’s car over and over? Maybe these people should start coming in cabs.

David proposes to Daffney. Sure why not.

Sting vs. Mike Awesome

Ambulance match and Awesome is now billed as the Career Killer. Never let it be said that WCW isn’t as classy as they could be. Mike takes over to start and hits a running splash in the corner but stops to get a table. Heenan is trying to put Awesome over as an unstoppable monster but it’s kind of hard to make it work when one of the first images of him in the company was losing to Scott Steiner in his second match.

The table winds up on the ramp and but Sting backdrops a charging Awesome through it to take over. They fight over to and then on top of the ambulance. Awesome can’t powerbomb him onto the roof so Sting hooks the Death Drop to knock Mike out on top. Cue Vampiro to jump Sting and throw him inside to give the unconscious Awesome the win.

Rating: D-. I don’t know. I don’t know if this was any good because how much can you tell about a gimmick match when the majority of it is over in three minutes and the last bit is Sting getting down and then attacked by someone interfering? There was no difference between this and a regular match with Vampiro coming in to lay Sting out to give Awesome the pin. That alone tells me that there’s no need for a gimmick attached, but Russo never understood that concept.

Overall Rating: D. And it’s right back where it was a week ago. This was another big mess with WAY too much going on and a bunch of ideas that are thrown out there with no build and no reason to care about almost anything. Above all else there is WAY too much Russo as he’s involved with Hogan, Nash, Luger and Flair among others. Not even Vince McMahon on his best day can be that spread out and expect it to work long term. Bad show here, but that’s going to be the norm due to how stupid so much of the writing really is.

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Monday Nitro #237
Date: April 24, 2000
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 7,713
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

I’m not sure where they’re supposed to go from here but something needs to change. Last week’s show was another mess to sit through as this era is starting off as a combination of boring and horrible with the bosses and Hogan being the featured attractions. Slamboree is in two weeks and the main event will be DDP vs. Jeff Jarrett in the triple cage. Let’s get to it.

We recap last week. When you cut this down to a minute, it actually makes sense. It’s really bad writing and not a good show, but you can tell what’s going on.

Sting and Vampiro are brawling in the back with Sting getting the better of it until Vampiro hits him with a pipe.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending but Bigelow attacks in the aisle with a trashcan. The Cat comes out for revenge after Bigelow beat him up at Spring Stampede but Bigelow is able to put Funk in a trashcan and beat on it with a chair. Cat comes in and kicks the chair into Bigelow’s face, allowing Funk to cover him to retain in less than two minutes.

Cat dances a bit as Madden sums up how stupid this was.

We recap Hogan being a psycho last week, leading to the end of the show where Bret was about to hit either him or Kidman. The announcers should have seen who Bret hit but they won’t actually say who it was.

Here are Kidman and Torrie with the former having taped ribs. Kidman is here tonight to show that no one wants to see the yellow and red anymore. He’ll finish this at Slamboree if Terry is there.

Bischoff and Kimberly aren’t pleased with what Kidman did.

Norman Smiley begs Russo for a chance to get the Hardcore Title back. Russo agrees, if Smiley can find a partner to make it a handicap match at Slamboree.

Here are Kimberly, Bischoff and Jarrett with something to say. David Arquette is in the front row because that is our fate. Jarrett promises to hurt Page in the triple cage at Slamboree and shows us clips of the cage from Ready to Rumble. He’ll beat Page and neglect him, just like Page did to his wife. Bischoff, on a wireless mic, says Kimberly has a gift for Page. She has some papers for him, but here’s Page in an Albert Einstein shirt of all things. Kimberly says she’s in the driver’s seat for the first time and talks about Eric opening her eyes to these stupid wrestling marks.

The papers are for a divorce but Page thinks she’s out of her mind. Page says no way but calls Kimberly some insulting names instead. He goes after Bischoff and gets a guitar to the back for his efforts. Arquette jumps the barricade to go after Bischoff and Kanyon runs in to save Arquette from Jarrett. Bischoff freaks out and says he’ll fight Arquette tonight. David agrees, but if he wins, Page gets a World Title match against Jarrett in the cage tonight.

In case it wasn’t clear enough already, this segment showed that Jeff Jarrett, the World Heavyweight Champion, is a supporting character on this show. He’s beneath the writers and Hogan, plus probably Sting vs. Vampiro. Now he’s beneath Page and David Arquette, putting the World Heavyweight Champion as the eighth most important character on this show.

Kronik demands a title shot from Vince Russo, who of course stands up to them and asks if they know who he is. They’ll get their shot if they do him a favor. This segment existed for no other reason that to remind you that Vince Russo is a MAN.

Bischoff sends Jarrett to go find Billy Kidman. The World Champion is officially an errand boy.

Chris Candido/Tammy vs. The Artist/Paisley

This could be a really long night. Tammy says she’s here to show Paisley what men want. The guys start and knock each other down in about fifteen seconds. It’s off to the women for a double cover, followed by the required catfight. Everything breaks down and Tammy dives off the top to take Paisley and Artist down. That’s the most physical she’s ever gotten and she didn’t terrible at it. Back inside and Candido clotheslines Paisley giving Tammy the pin.

Sting comes out with a Death Drop to Candido. He wants Vampiro out here tonight and why not just make it first blood.

Kanyon and Page give Arquette a pep talk.

Team Package vs. Kronik

It’s a brawl to start and here’s Miss Hancock in case you’re already bored. In case the match and Hancock aren’t enough, Buff Bagwell runs in less than thirty seconds in, allowing Shane Douglas to hit Flair with a ball bat. High Time gives Adams the pin in just over a minute.

Buff and Douglas beat down Team Package a bit more until Buff hands Adams the bat, leading to Kronik beating them down as well.

Vampiro wants to make Sting bleed from the eyes so I guess the match is on.

Bischoff gives Kidman Mike Awesome for protection against Hogan tonight. Hogan is welcome to find a tag partner if he can. Also, Bischoff is guest referee for Kidman vs. Hogan at Slamboree. So after weeks of running scared from Hogan, Bischoff is totally fine with putting himself in the same ring with him. Makes as much sense as anything else here.

Mike Awesome/Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

Kidman comes out in a Hogan shirt. Hulk comes out alone, in black pants and a black vest with F.U.N.B. on the back. Hogan hammers away at both guys to start and gives Awesome a whipping with the belt. A big boot and belly to back put Awesome down as Hogan is completely dominating him because that’s what Hogan does to someone young and full of potential. Hogan stops Mike’s comeback with a low blow so Kidman comes in to double team Hogan down.

As you might expect, Hogan fights back and we cut to a WWF Wrestling Buddy in the crowd. Awesome clotheslines Hogan down and drops a splash for two as Madden complains about the impending Hulk Up. There’s the second big boot to Awesome but Hogan drops elbows instead of going for the leg. They head outside with Hogan shoving Awesome into Madden’s face for no apparent reason. Kidman comes in with a chair to bust Hogan open as this match is getting a shocking amount of time.

It’s table time which feels as awkward and out of place in a Hogan match as wrestling does on a Russo show. Right after the powerbomb through the table, we cut to the back to see Nash coming in. Awesome puts Hogan on a second table and Kidman adds a top rope splash, followed by a legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match sucked from a technical standpoint (I’m as shocked as you are), but I’ll give them points for having the young guys win and for giving it some time. This is the kind of thing they need to do to actually get some people over, but unfortunately this is going to happen on an episode of Nitro, not at Slamboree where Hogan needs to put Kidman over. Also, at just under 11 minutes, I believe this is the second longest match of Russo and Bischoff’s tenure so far.

Nash hits the ring to clean house but Torrie hits him low, allowing Kidman and Awesome to get in their stompings.

Eric Bischoff vs. David Arquette

Again, remember that Bischoff is a karate expert and should be able to knock Arquette out in about ten seconds. Bischoff kicks him into the corner to start but David comes back with a spear, followed by the Worm for one of the loudest reactions of the night. Jarrett pulls the referee out at two and hits Page with the belt. Bischoff gets in a low blow on Arquette but Jeff guitars Eric by mistake, giving Arquette the pin.

The lights go out and Sting is watching from the rafters. This of course has nothing to do with what you’re currently watching.

One of the former NWO girls is now an interviewer (in a swimsuit of course) but can’t get in a word over Arquette’s celebrating.

Jarrett is livid.

Here are Scott Steiner and assorted women with something to say. He lists off all of the things he did last night (in rhyme because why not) and promises to floss Booker’s teeth with his shoelaces tonight. Booker comes out to explain that he only did what he did last week to make things up to Bischoff. Steiner just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The girls come up to Booker for the most obvious distraction in the history of obvious distractions. The guys brawl until it’s time for a break.

Russo tells Bagwell and Douglas that “we” have to go fight Kronik.

Tag Team Titles: Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas vs. Kronik

The champs are in street clothes here as Kronik cleans house. Shane drops Clark face first with a suplex and the fans start the boring chant. Adams helps Clark drop Shane throat first across the top rope. It’s off to Adams to clean house but Buff throws the referee over the top. Hudson: “THAT’S BULL”…..and the rest isn’t censored, freaking Madden out. Buff takes High Times but that manly man Vince Russo comes in and hits Clark with a ball bat. Shane hits Adams with it as well. Nick Patrick goes to ring the bell but Russo hits him with a bat as well. Russo counts the pin on Adams to retain the titles.

Rating: D. As we’ve firmly established over the last few weeks and tonight in particular: Nitro exists to prove that Vince Russo is the toughest and most awesome man that has ever lived and he can beat up big goons like Kronik because he’s a real man from New York and a thousand times smarter than all these stupid wrestling marks. It also proves that the real money in WCW is manufacturing baseball bats because every body has one these days.

Here’s Tank Abbott for his weekly insulting of Goldberg. Madden panicking over Abbott wanting to hurt someone tonight is some of the only funny stuff he’s ever done. Tank throws WCW.com writer Bob Ryder into the ring and Jeremy Borash (who looks identical to how he looks now) fails at making a save. Tank finally leaves.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Jarrett is defending and this is supposed to be inside a cage (complete with roof), which is why they’re already fighting in the crowd. Page hits him in the back with a trashcan but gets dropped onto a barricade. They finally get inside so Jarrett can stomp away, only to have Page whip him into the cage. Jarrett sends Page face first into the buckle and then into the cage twice in a row.

Page slugs away in the corner before the discus lariat puts Jarrett down. Cue Mike Awesome as Jarrett escapes the Diamond Cutter and counters with a DDT. There’s the Diamond Cutter but Awesome breaks into the cage. He breaks up the pin at two but Kanyon comes in and decks Awesome, allowing the referee to count the three about five seconds after the two, giving Page the title.

Rating: D. The WCW World Champion, who was crowned the chosen one eight days earlier, just lost the title in a cage match that didn’t last five minutes. Of that time, less than three minutes of were spent inside the cage. This was in addition to the two people interfering in the match, making the cage completely unnecessary. The gimmick overkill on this show astounds me more and more every single week.

Oh yeah that’s not the main event.

Vampiro vs. Sting

First blood. Sting takes too long getting unhooked from his repelling gear and Vampiro attacks, only to fight him off with ease because Vampiro is New Blood and therefore unable to win a fair fight with any old guy. Right hands and a suplex put Vampiro back on the floor. He gets on the announcers’ table and does a throat slit, causing a red liquid to fall on Sting (ripping off the Brood’s Bloodbath). Some of the New Blood comes out to beat Sting down as the fans really aren’t pleased.

The New Blood attaches the soaked Sting to the cable and hangs him from the ceiling to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This took me most of the day to sit through on and off because it really is cringe worthy. The wrestling ranges from bad to very bad, the stories are all about Russo and Bischoff, and the World Title feud is now featuring David Arquette and three title changes in two weeks. The worst part is things are going to go downhill from here, making the entire show an even bigger disaster. This show is all about Russo/Bischoff/Hogan and it’s been easy to see that since the day the new stories started. It’s getting harder to sit through these things and the worst has just begun.

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