November to Remember 1995
Date: November 18, 1995
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,150
Commentator: Joey Styles

 

People whose opinions I respect have told me that this is the greatest ECW show of all time. With that information in mind I figured I had to take a look at it at least once. This is the last ECW show I’m going to do for a good while because I’m more or less out of ones I can do. The main event is a tag match with Raven/Cactus Jack facing Dreamer/Funk. Other than that it’s a big bunch of stuff but from what I understand it’s the whole package rather than a single match that makes this great. Let’s get to it.

 

Keep in mind that this is more or less ECW’s Wrestlemania.

 

Joey gives us a quick rundown of the card. This is the home video version so that makes some more sense this time.

 

Broad Street Bully vs. Don E. Allen

 

Bubba Ray Dudley is guest ring announcer for no apparent reason. The Dudleys hadn’t united yet so this is when it’s still the goofy stable. Bubba is in overalls and a top hat with a white jacket. D-Von would come in soon and get rid of Chubby, Dances With and Dudley (all with the last name Dudley) to make himself and Bubba the killers that they’re known as. They’re faces here though or at least Bubba is.

 

Bubba has a really bad stutter so him managing to get the title of the show out is considered remarkable. Actually scratch that as he’s gotten rid of the stutter….and there it is again before he can infringe on copyrighted material such as “let’s get ready to rumble.” Hearing Joey have sympathy Bubba is just weird. Big Dick gets mad at him so Bubba says screw this and beats up Allen. HUGE powerbomb puts him down so the Bully tries to jump Bubba. Bubba hammers him down and powerbombs him also, then pins him for no apparent reason. By the way the regular ring announcer is Joel Gertner.

 

Heyman comes out and calls for the lights to be dimmed. They come back on and SABU is back. Huge ovation for him and a bigger one for when he shakes hands with Heyman. He had been in WCW for a cup of coffee and that went nowhere so here he is back where the people love him.

 

Jason Knight vs. Konnan

 

Joey does the ring announcing for this for some reason. Knight is more famous as the Jason that hangs out with Justin Credible a few years after this. Yes he actually was a wrestler for awhile. Konnan is billed from AAA in Mexico. I need to do When Worlds Collide someday. Konnan is still masked here. The guest referee is Taz, who is still not healed from his neck injury so he can’t wrestle tonight.

 

He had been Tazmaniac for his entire run up to that point so this was a repackaging for him. Taz says tells you he can’t wrestle due to the doctors and ECW not clearing him to wrestle. Jason cuts him off and we see why Jason rarely talked. Taz says Jason has Konnan to deal with so Taz says ring the bell, decks Jason and lets Konnan hit a crucifix bomb to end this in like 10 seconds. Taz will be back later.

 

El Puerto Ricano vs. Stevie Richards

 

Richards is a goofy putz (Joey’s words) here and is Raven’s (top heel here) lackey. Richards gets a gift from the unnamed Blue Meanie who comes over the guardrail with a shirt that says Blue Meanie. The gift is a Flock of Seagulls half shirt. The non Clueless Putz (never did anything of note) jumps Richards and we’re off.

 

Ricano hits a missile dropkick and dives on Meanie to take care of him. He goes up too many times though and Richards slams him down to take over. Flock of Seagulls dude hits a powerbomb and the other guy (you type Ricano over and over again) is in trouble. He gets draped over the top and takes another Stevie Bomb. Blue Meanie comes in and misses a moonsault. Richards hits a superkick to end this. More or less just a squash.

 

Eliminators vs. Pitbulls

 

I haven’t seen a lot of the Pitbulls but they were very popular and pretty successful in ECW so this could be worth seeing. Francine in leather isn’t a bad thing to see as she manages them so this should be good. Oh and Jason manages the Eliminators. It’s weird to see Saturn with hair. The Pitbulls are known as #1 and #2. #1 has hair. Got it. He and Saturn start us off and the Pitbull (Gary Wolfe. #2 is Anthony Durante) shrugs off most of Saturn’s offense.

 

He tosses Perry into the corner and slams him. The idea of the Pitbulls were they were more or less Rhyno in leather and more athletic. Blind tag brings in Durante who gets a top rope elbow for two. Off to the other Eliminator John Kronus to face #2. Big power match here as Kronus hits a release Dragon suplex to take over. The Eliminators, the more athletic team, speeds things up a lot to take over.

 

An assisted moonsault takes out Durante but an elbow clearly misses. Thankfully Joey covers and says he moved, otherwise it would have looked awful. The fans are behind the Pitbulls as Kronus picks #2 up off a belly to back suplex. Kronus gets caught between the Pitbulls but Durante misses a splash in the corner and crashes to the floor. He’s bleeding from the elbow now.

 

Kronus is a lot fatter than I remember him being. Saturn comes in with that sweet high elbow drop of his (OH YEAH from Joey) but it only gets two. Saturn hits a corner rana which also gets two somehow. The Eliminators are a pretty new team so this is kind of their showcase match. Saturn tries to set up something on the ropes but a superbomb by Durante gets no cover.

 

Everything breaks down and Jason hits a legdrop on #2 to keep him down. Double tag brings in Kronus and Wolfe who cleans house. Double clothesline takes the Eliminators down and it’s a big brawl. Wolfe totally misses a spinwheel kick in the corner but Kronus sells it anyway. Double superbomb out of the corner ends Kronus and we’re done.

 

Rating: B-. This was a rather fun match. The botches make it a bit amateurish looking but at the same time this wasn’t exactly Gagne vs. Thesz out there. They would feud forever with the Pitbulls eventually losing their edge. Pretty good match though and the fans were into it the whole way (duh) so I can’t complain much here at all.

 

Post match Jason jumps Francine and tries to kiss her (Joey: “HE LIKES WOMEN!”) and as the Pitbulls go for the save the Eliminators beat them down and hit Total Elimination on both guys.

 

Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

This is a Mexican Death Match, meaning more or less last man standing but you need a pin before the count begins. This was a long running feud and I think this is the blowoff match. The fans chant Rudo at Psicosis. Rey of course gets a Tecnico chant and comes out to what sounds like Sad But True by Metallica. Yep that’s what it is. Not what I think of when I think of Rey. The big match intros are done in both languages.

 

This is when Rey was still like the fastest guys in the world and Psicosis is able to keep up with him so I’m not even going to try to call play by play on this. Even Joey can barely do it and he could double as an auctioneer. Rey gets a quick pin off a top rope rana but Psicosis is just mad and not really hurt. Out to the floor we go and Rey falls when trying to jump onto the railing. That clip is on the Rise and Fall of ECW I believe.

 

Back in the ring a missile dropkick puts Rey down and a moonsault gets a pin. The count is unimportant at this point because we’re only like three minutes into this. Rey gets draped across the buckle as this is one sided at the moment. How weird is it to see Psicosis as the far bigger and stronger guy? Powerbomb gets the pin but Rey is up 1. They’re counting backwards so he barely beat the count.

 

Psicosis goes to get a chair but changes his mind and is booed out of the building. A buckle bomb keeps Rey down. Twisting senton (flip into a backsplash) gets another pin but that’s fine because Rey is up at 1 again. Dropkick puts him right back down and the fans are literally standing. Now it’s chair time and Rey takes a DDT onto it. He beats on Rey then puts the chair on Rey’s back for a moonsault to get his fourth pin in a row.

 

Rey barely beats the count so Psicosis goes for the possibly injured knee (from the botch earlier) which is rather smart strategy. Psicosis tries a moonsault but Rey pulls the chair into the way and takes over. Springboard clothesline sends Psicosis to the floor. High cross body and we’re in the crowd for a second. HUGE moonsault (Asai hadn’t been named yet I don’t think) and Rey takes over with some chair shots.

 

Psicosis tries to run into the crowd and you can’t see them but Rey brings them back and they’re at ringside again. Never mind as we’re going back into the fans. Psicosis is more or less running as Rey is on fire. They’re right below Joey (who is in what’s called The Eagle’s Nest) so Rey hits him with a chair, climbs up the Eagle’s Nest and dives off with a HUGE hurricanrana and Psicosis is dead and we’re done.

 

Rating: B. Pretty awesome stuff here as Rey played possum after the beating and then woke up to massacre Psicosis and become just too much for him. Rey was only 20 at this point so he was a total rookie phenom. Total war here and the psychology actually existed. Rey would be in WCW in about 7 months.

 

Jason comes out to talk to Rey and offers to manage him. Rey says no so Jason threatens him. Take a guess how that goes. The Eliminators come out to destroy Rey but 911 (more or less the security guard who is about 7’0 and 400lbs) comes in for the save and easily dominates the Eliminators. Rey gets on his shoulders and the fans seem pleased.

 

Tag Titles: 2 Cold Scorpio/Sandman vs. Public Enemy

 

Woman manages Scorpio and Sandman who are champions (along with Scorpio being TV Champion) and come out to Whomp There It Is. Whoever gets the fall here faces Mikey Whipwreck later in the show for the world title. Woman is kind of hot actually. She could look rather good at times. Scorpio dances a lot while we’re waiting on the Public Enemy to get here.

 

I have no idea what the face/heel alignment is here but I think Public Enemy is face. According to Gertner the TV Title is on the line here also. Yeah apparently Sandman and Scorpio are the heels here. Sandman is billed from…..Utah? Seriously? Scorpio is doing a thing where he says he doesn’t weigh as much as he really does. He does have a gut on him.

 

Public Enemy is leaving soon after this for ECW apparently. Scorpio offers them a chance to leave so let’s have a dance off. Uh…..ok? Scorpio cuts a rug and Joey dances too. The camera catches him and his reaction is great. Rocco does a robot which isn’t horrible. Scorpio does one also and destroys him. And now we set dancing back about a thousand years with Sandman dancing too. Joey: “Yes but can he walk a straight line?” They want Woman to dance and it’s very short. Crowd is WAY into this.

 

The champs jump the dancing morons but Public Enemy clears the ring quickly. AND IT’S TIME TO DANCE! The music is still playing as I think we have a comedy match on our hands. Just a hunch mind you. Ok so now we’re ready to go with Sandman vs. Grunge. Sandy grabs a headlock but is sent to the floor. Everything breaks down quickly and they all head to the floor.

 

Everyone grabs a chair and gets back in the ring for a good old fashioned duel. Sandman and Grunge are thrown to the floor and Scorpio follows. They fight up the aisle and a fan offers 2 Cold a frying pan. He steals someone’s prosthetic hand instead. Well why not? Sandman goes into the crowd and Grunge is busted open. He hits a splash for two on Scorpio as we’re bordering on having a regular match.

 

Rocco hits Sandman with a pumpkin pie and Sandy is in the crowd again. Woman pulls Sandman out of the crowd. Sandman tags himself in and he jumps over the top (!!!) with something like a dropkick. Rocco comes in and hits a headscissors to take over. Slingshot legdrop by Sandman but he doesn’t cover.

 

Off to Scorpio who hits a slingshot splash for two. Scorpio vs. Rock at the moment if you’re all lost. Rock avoids a dropkick and escapes a tilt-a-whirl, only to miss a moonsault. The fans chant for SD Jones for some reason as Scorpio hits a double underhook powerbomb which is broken up at two.

 

Standing moonsault eats knees and it’s off to Sandman. Rocco (they’re Rocco Rock and Johnny Grunge if you’re totally confused by me changing named) still can’t bring in Grunge so Grunge comes in and pounds on Sandman. Woman cracks Rocco with a kendo stick and Sandman dives over the top to take out Grunge. Sandman gets backdropped onto a table which doesn’t break. FREAKING OW MAN.

 

Grunge finally goes through the table and everything breaks down even further. Rock hits a big moonsault to the floor as they need to end this soon. A broom handle is brought in from somewhere with Scorpio taking over with it. There it goes though so 2 Cold settles for a Stinger Splash and moonsault for two on Rocco. We’re tagging again now and Grunge gets the hot tag. Sandman comes in sans tag but Public Enemy screws up their finisher and Sandman falls on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. Yeah this went too long. These guys aren’t the ones you want having seventeen minutes. This was better as a comedy match but then again I might have just wanted to see Woman dance. Either way, not much here and Sandman getting the pin was pretty much the only logical choice since he lost the title to Mikey in the first place.

 

Sandman is out but Scorpio pours beer down his throat. And it’s time to dance again. SCORPIO DROPS THE BEER! Sandman catches it and the look on his face is priceless.

 

On the actual card Axl Rotten beat JT Smith here but it was a dark match.

 

We recap Commissioner Tod Gordon vs. Fonzie, a referee. Shane Douglas lost the world title to Sandman and said he wanted a better referee in the form of Fonzie who would call matches right down the line. This of course made him by far and away the biggest heel in the company almost by default (not kidding).

 

Fonzie punched Gordon when Gordon yelled at him so 911 gave Fonzie one of the biggest chokeslams you’ll ever see (LONG story there but it was some of the most brilliant storytelling you’ll ever see. In short the move was banned but Fonzie had to unban it so someone could use it. 911 immediately hit the ring to kill Fonzie with it and blow the roof off the place). Fonzie also got in a fight with Beaulah who is the referee tonight.

 

Bill Alphonso vs. Tod Gordon

 

Beaulah is referee and I really want to know what Dreamer did in a past life to get her. He must have invented beer or something. Remember neither of them are wrestlers so this is only going to be so good. Gordon jumps him and they fight by Sign Guy and Hat Guy. Beulah slaps Gordon so he clotheslines her. Tod (Commissioner) Gordon (HOLY NON WRESTLER BATMAN!) comes in and Joey is losing it.

 

Tod takes him down and says let’s fight. Not sure why he needed to grab a mic to say that but whatever. Gordon takes off his jacket and wins a slugout. This isn’t a match for the most part but they’re trying. Fonzie gets a low blow and says he’s going to beat Gordon up. Joey: “It’s not over yet you rat faced excuse for a human being!” And remember: this is because Fonzie is a GOOD referee.

 

Fonzie takes the time to talk to the camera and Gordon gets a WICKED cooking sheet shot to the head. After he gets hit, Fonzie starts jabbing himself in the head and what do you know he’s bleeding from there. Gordon is shockingly passable here. Gordon finds a frying pan but Fonzie gets it, only to take a low blow. Joey is absolutely losing it over this. Frying pan to the head but Beaulah is still down from like five minutes ago.

 

And now for the important part of the night. Taz runs out to be referee since he was earlier in the night and counts two for Gordon, only to stop and deck Gordon then put Fonzie on top for the pin. To say Taz is instantly hated is like saying Cena was hated against Punk at MITB.

 

Rating: A+. Ok now keep something in mind here: this is a legit businessman vs. a referee. All things considered, THIS WAS AWESOME. They were beating the tar out of each other and it had the fans going nuts, even by ECW standards. Not a thing wrong here and the whole thing worked. Considering who was out there, great stuff.

 

Taz wants to talk. This is probably the most important part of the entire show. The fans chant for Sabu and Taz says he’s not coming out. Taz talks about how he got no cards, no letters or phone call. When Dreamer hurt his fingers everyone cried and freaked. Same with Funk. When Sabu got his neck broken, everyone was worried about him. What about Taz?

 

Fonzie shouts into the camera that Taz is his guy. Taz says screw the fans and screw Heyman. Heyman said take your time to get back. Quote: “Screw you Heyman. My father ain’t some fat Jew lawyer that pays my way through life.” Taz says Fonzie cares about him and wants to put food on his table and money in his pocket. Gordon is still out cold on the mat. Taz says since no one cares about the two of them, they don’t care about the fans.

 

Taz stops for a bit and Joey talks about how stunned he is to see Taz finally sell out. Fans are trying to rush the ring. Taz lays on his back and says bring it. This whole thing was Taz’s epic heel turn which would result in him beating basically everyone on the roster for the next year, almost always in a squash while he begged Sabu to come out and fight him. That wouldn’t happen for a year and a half, resulting in one of the main events at their first PPV, Barely Legal. Mad heat on him here and a great heel turn.

 

ECW World Title: Sandman vs. Mikey Whipwreck

 

Sandman is making his entrance (through the entrance) but is jumped by some guy with long blonde hair who is making his in ring debut tonight, taking Sandman’s place to challenge for the title.

 

ECW World Title: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Steve Austin

 

Yes, THAT Steve Austin. He had cut some promos but this is his first of I think two matches in ECW before he signed with WWF. He drinks Sandman’s beer while Sandman is taken out. There was a line at some point in ECW (not this show) where Joey asked if you could imagine Steve Austin drinking beer and flipping people off on Monday Night Raw. Not really connected here but Sandman takes awhile to get taken out.

 

The idea behind Whipwreck is that he won the title on a fluke after being a total jobber for years. Austin says his debut is the thing to remember. He’s sounding like Stone Cold here rather than Stunning Steve so this is where he really got his start, at least with that character. Austin says that for tonight, Whipwreck is Eric Bischoff to him. Joey: “KILL HIM! Wait I didn’t mean that!”

 

Steve jumps him to start and the beating begins. Mikey has had no offense at all as Austin mauls him. He beats on him on the floor then in the ring and back on the floor again. Mark this date down: THE ECW ARENA IS CHANTING HOGAN. It’s to tick Austin off but it happened! Just because he’s Austin, he hits a big boot and drops a leg for two.

 

Mikey has had no offense at all. He reverses a whip on the floor though and Austin doesn’t seem to mind. Mikey hammers away but walks into a Stun Gun (Austin’s finisher at the time) but it only gets two. Mikey grabs a sunset flip out of nowhere (complete with the tights coming down) for the SHOCK pin to retain.

 

Rating: C. You can barely call this a match but it did what it was supposed to do. Whipwreck keeps the title (for some reason) but Austin losing is the important part. It resulted in him losing his mind and being all crazy, which apparently was what caught WWF’s eye and got him his job, which ultimately saved Vince’s company.

 

Hack Meyers vs. Sabu

 

Meyers is more or less just a biker. You know this might have been a better surprise if he hadn’t come out earlier. Sabu works on the knee of all things to start and messes up a snapmare (Meyers landed on him). Time for a chinlock. FEEL THE EXTREME! It’s chair time and a slingshot dive in with the chair gets two. We go to an armbar and the fans are calling it boring.

 

Springboard leg lariat gets two and we hit the chinlock again. Meyers makes a comeback and hits a powerslam for two. A weird facebuster off the top which is Hack’s finisher gets two. They go to the floor quickly but Sabu drops a leg for two. Meyers wins a slugout but Sabu goes onto Meyers’ shoulders and gets a DDT to take him down. Spinning leg lariat puts Meyers outside and Sabu hits a diving rana to the floor.

 

After a bit more brawling on the floor we go back in but Sabu dives into a powerbomb. Release suplex put Sabu down but Meyers goes up and gets caught in a victory roll off the top for two. This is going WAY too long for a big return over a glorified jobber. Meyers goes up but gets dropped on a chair. Sabu hits a rana to put them on the floor AGAIN. Sabu sets up a table and dives over the top through it, half killing Meyers. That only gets two in the ring so Sabu slams him and the Atomic Arabian Facebuster (flipping double legdrop with a chair in between) ends this FINALLY.

 

Rating: D. See, when a superstar like Sabu returns, it should be total dominance. This mostly was, but the fact that it took so long made Sabu look kind of weak. Not his worst stuff, but at the same time it just went way too long at about 13:00. Heyman would manage Sabu for awhile until we got to his match with Taz.

 

Sabu acknowledges Meyers for his efforts.

 

Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Cactus Jack

 

Main event time. Funk is “planning on retiring”. That’s just amusing. Funk says he’ll remember what happened with Cactus last night forever. Apparently it was a big attack on Terry but Dreamer made the save. This is a revenge match for Funk and Dreamer always hates Raven Cactus is in a WCW Dungeon of Doom t-shirt. He was in a WEIRD (yet awesome) heel push where he longed to be back in WCW with “Uncle Eric”.

 

The pairings pair off and Raven and Jack rule the ring for the moment. Now we get to the brawl and Funk fights Raven. Stevie Richards brings in some weapons and gets put in a shopping cart for his troubles. Dreamer BLASTS Raven in the head with a freaking VCR. WHY WOULD YOU BRING ONE OF THOSE TO A WRESTLING SHOW??? In a funny bit, Dreamer hits him with the remote also.

 

Funk beats up the referee because he’s Terry Funk. Dreamer DDTs the referee for good measure. Funk hits Raven with a golf club in the putter. Cheese grater is broken up and Cactus drills Dreamer with a chair. Dreamer gets taken down by a double chain shot to the throat. Raven is busted open and poses anyway. Cactus channels his inner Abdullah as he jabs at Funk with a fork.

 

DDT to Dreamer as Raven and Cactus are dominating. They try the chain again but Dreamer does something smart and dives on it, bringing them together. Not that it matters as Cactus takes him down with ease. Cactus takes the Dungeon of Doom shirt to reveal another one with a huge picture of Eric Bischoff and the words “Forgive Me Uncle Eric” (coining that nickname) on the back. Only Mick Foley could make that work, period.

 

It’s more or less a big mess but were you really expecting something else here? Jack hits a double arm DDT on Funk onto the chair but there’s no referee. Raven dives over the top to take out Dreamer and Jack looks for more weapons. Here are Fonzie and Taz to be referees but Funk kicks out at two. Taz beats up Funk so Dreamer takes Taz out. Jumping DDT takes Raven down and for some reason a regular one does more damage. The referee is back up and Dreamer piledrives Raven onto a chair, letting Funk steal the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match overall as they kept things just weapons based instead of going everywhere. Also Jack having the continuing mental breakdowns in the middle of the match (the Uncle Eric thing) is great. Dreamer not beating Funk is one of those little things that makes a match better. Fun stuff here and one of the better brawls ECW did.

 

Cactus beats them down a bit but gets taken down too. DREAMER SUPERKICKS RICHARDS! Ok so it was in the ribs but still! Raven leaves Dreamer laying to end the show.

 

Overall Rating: B+. I can see why people would call this ECW’s best show ever. It likely is and it’s very good for the most part. Keeping in mind that this was 1995 and WCW was running stuff with monster trucks and mummies while WWF had King Mabel as top heel, this was a very different kind of show. They did their thing and let guys like Foley and Austin do their things, knowing what they had to work with. Very fun show but some of the stuff is a bit odd. Granted it wouldn’t have been for ECW fans so that takes some of it away I guess. Worth seeing though.

 

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Big Time Wrestling
Date: 1978
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Chuck Allen, Mark Lewin

This is a rare occasion where I’m totally lost. Big Time Wrestling was a territory that ran for decades in Detroit and was the home promotion of The Sheik (Original, not Iron) and Bobo Brazil. The video I found of this lists it as being from the 60s but it looks a lot newer than that, perhaps into the mid to late 1970s. I honestly have no idea what to expect here which could mean anything. Let’s get to it.

Austin Idol is listed as being on the show and the latest debut date I can find for him is 1972.

Big Red/Jim Widell vs. Fabulous Kangaroos

Oh now this is really interesting. The Fabulous Kangaroos are the most famous tag team that you’ve probably never heard of. They’re a team which over time has consisted of about five guys who teamed on and off with the gimmick for about twenty five years. The most famous pairing is Al Costello and Roy Heffernan but today we’ve got Costello and Bobby (also called Johnny in other promotions) who was billed as Roy’s cousin.

Their gimmick is that they’re VERY Australian with boomerangs and bush hats and any other stereotype you can think of. They held so many titles that I can’t list them all and were often billed as champions on arrival, which became almost a running bit with them. The originals were pioneers of tag team wrestling but by this point they’re a fairly established name. Did I mention I’ve wanted to cover these guys for awhile? I have no idea who their opponents are but Red is a fat guy with an afro and a big beard.

The Kangaroos have a midair arm wrestling match to determine who gets things going with Heffernan starting against Widell. They head to the mat with some nice technical stuff including Heffernan spinning out of a headscissors. Off to Costello for some right hands before Heffernan comes in again for some stomps. The Kangaroos appear to be heels here which doesn’t feel right for some reason. We get a phone number to call to bring Big Time Wrestling to our town with the contact being listed as Pat O’Connor. I’d be surprised if it was the famous O’Connor but it’s hard to tell with stuff like this.

Heffernan cranks on the arms before hooking a hammerlock. Back to Costello for an ax handle to the face and some right hands. Big Red tries to come in off a blind tag but the actual tag is a few seconds later. How could I have thought Red and Widell were heels? Red is a big fat jolly dancing man. How could that not be a good guy?

Heffernan tries a slam on the 350lb Red which works as well as you would expect. Red goes after the arm and hooks a hammerlock before asking Costello to come in. The big man gets double teamed in the corner but he waddles over to Widell for a tag but the Kangaroos hit the Boomerang (catapult into a backdrop followed by an elbow) for the pin.

Rating: D+. Other than the dancing fat guy, there wasn’t much to this. The Kangaroos didn’t do much for me, though to be fair they were past their primes at this point. This was really just a basic tag match and the finisher came out of nowhere while not looking very good either. Not a terrible match but nothing memorable at all.

Red cleans house post match because he’s a sore loser.

Abdullah the Butcher vs. John Irish

This is joined in progress and the jobber isn’t even given a name until after the match. Not that it matters as Butcher runs him over and drops an elbow for the pin in maybe 30 seconds shown.

Post match Abdullah chokes away until the referee tries to break it up. That goes nowhere so commentator and wrestler Mark Lewin gets up from commentary and makes the real save with no violence.

Billy Bird vs. The Sheik

Sheik has apparently turned face after being a legendary heel in this territory. For those of you unfamiliar, Sheik is basically the father of hardcore wrestling in America and is the real life uncle of Sabu. Sheik bites away on the ropes to start but is cheered anyway. Bird is thrown to the floor and rammed face first into the buckle a few times before the camel clutch gives Sheik a very fast win.

Austin Idol vs. Steve Cooper

Idol is a newcomer and your usual self-obsessed heel. He would feud with Lawler in Memphis for the better part of ever. A slam gets two on Cooper and Idol shouts down that he could do this to Lewin as well. Cooper is thrown down onto the announcers’ table before coming back in for the Rack (not the Torture variety but rather Idol driving his knuckle into Cooper’s temple) and the submission.

Dory Funk Jr./Pierre LaFiv vs. Kurt Von Hess/Bulldog Don Kent

I’m sure you know of Funk. Kent was another of the Fabulous Kangaroos at times but here’s he’s just a heel. We do however get a clue as to the date here as Lewin says Dory Funk Sr. has two sons who won the NWA World Title, meaning this is sometime after December 10, 1975. Dory throws the plump Kent down before countering a clothesline into an armbar in a cool looking move. Off to LaFiv for an armbar before the German Von Hess comes in and is easily armdragged down.

Back to Dory for a headlock of his own before getting caught in a top wristlock. Hess gets forearmed into the corner and it’s off to Bulldog for more armbars. The good guys user both use headlocks on Kent with LaFiv taking him to the mat for a bit. Off to Von Hess for some arm work on Pierre as we get into what would be called the heat segment today. Dory is drawn into the ring, allowing for some heel double teaming and a chinlock from Kent.

We get the same sequence of the heels drawing Dory in so Pierre can be sent to the floor. The heels stay on LaFiv but he finally rolls away and makes the hot tag off to Funk who cleans house. A butterfly suplex puts Von Hess down and there are some forearms for the Bulldog. Dory misses an elbow and gets punched down, only to grab a small package on Kurt for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with Dory being the most interesting thing out there. I know it’s a cliché, but guys like him could just go back in the day. LaFiv was nothing special and Kent was overweight, but Von Hess looked good and was a strong foreign heel character. Good little match here.

Post match Funk gets beaten down and busted open until Terry Funk makes the save. A fan has to give up his t-shirt to wrap around Dory’s head. Some first aid. Kent and Austin Idol come back out to try another fight but the Funks stare them down.

Garth Vader vs. Stan Stasiak

Yes serious, Garth Vader and he wears a mask with stars on it. Stasiak is a former WWF Champion. He pounds away on Vader with his taped up hand (for his Heart Punch) before putting on a nerve hold. One good thing here: Terry Funk is called a former NWA World Champion so this is sometime after February 6, 1977.

Stasiak pounds away on the chest before throwing him out to the floor. Back in and Stasiak fires off more right hands before letting Vader get back up. They box for a bit before Stasiak takes it to the floor and throws Vader at the announce table. Cue Sheik to throw a garbage can at Stasiak, only to have Stan hit a quick Heart Punch for the pin on Garth.

Rating: D. This was rather dull but seriously….HIS NAME WAS GARTH VADER??? I haven’t seen much of Stasiak but given that his biggest claim to fame is a nine day world title reign, there isn’t much to see of him on top of the world. Still though, I can’t get over the name Garth Vader. I think it’s safe to say this is after Star Wars came out.

Sheik chases off Stasiak post match. Stasiak says after he gets done with Sheik, he’s coming for Lewin. Why isn’t Lewin the top guy in the company as apparently everyone wants to kill him. Sheik pounds on him with a card table but Stasiak won’t get in the ring with him. They’re still chasing each other as the fans want Sheik to take Stasiak apart. Sheik finally gets in a table shot and pounds away on Stasiak, even hitting him with his own Heart Punch. Sheik leaves and Stasiak goes over to the announce table saying he was still up but everyone else goes down when Stasiak hits him. Stasiak talks trash to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. As much trouble as I had figuring out where this was, there wasn’t a lot of bad stuff on here. This is actually a stacked show with a ton of big names and a (for the time) insane three former world champions on the same card. It’s not something I’d watch week to week but still this worked out well enough. Good show here.

 

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Hardcore Heaven 1997
Date: August 17, 1997
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 1,950
Commentator: Joey Styles

So unlike in the major companies, we’ve had 4 months since the last PPV. Since then, Raven is gone and Dreamer is either the top face or the second biggest face in the company. He’s facing Jerry Lawler tonight in a match that’s more or less based off a mini invasion that the WWF was doing.

Other than that we’ve got a rematch from the Night the Line Was Crossed as it’s a three way dance with Funk, Douglas and Sabu, the current champion, having beaten Funk for the title from Funk about a week before. Why they bothered with that is beyond me but then again it’s ECW so there we are. Other than that, it’s a random assortment of matches that I’m sure aren’t likely to be explained, which isn’t Joey’s fault per se. Let’s get to it.

We of course start in the ring with Joey and the lighting is AWFUL. I mean you can barely see the crowd other than the first maybe 10 rows. What’s that they’re chanting? I can’t quite make it out. This should be interesting as they’re out of their comfort zone in New England. He runs down the card, which makes little sense as anyone that’s bought the show already likely knows the card already, but then again what do I know?

Only Funk gets anything close to a pop when mentioned. Lawler gets MAD heat. Joey is about to talk about Dreamer when he’s cut off by the music of Rick Rude. He clearly says son of a female dog when it starts. Rude sold out apparently. OH I remember this. It’s the time where he showed up on Raw and ECW and soon on Nitro as he jumped from WWF and appeared on both shows in one night as Raw was taped.

He had been on Hardcore TV the night before, so in 24 hours he appeared on all three shows. That’s pretty freaking cool. Rude had recently helped WWF guys beat ECW guys at Heatwave so no one likes him at all. Rude introduces Candido for the TV Title match. Yeah that was really useful Rick.

TV Title: Chris Candido vs. Taz

Something tells me I know the ending this already. Todd Gordon, the ECW Commissioner comes down and says Rude has to leave because he’s not a licensed manager. So let me get this straight. You can throw people through burning tables. You can have your arm split open and tape it back together. You can get tied together in barbed wire. You can have a lesbian angle on nationally syndicated television. All of that’s ok.

However, if you want to stand by the ring and cheer someone on, you need to have permission. I love making fun of wrestling. We go to the intro with the theme song, which I’ve never gotten why they do this after the show actually starts. It’s just very odd. We get a wide shot of the arena and you can’t see ANYTHING. Apparently this is a main event. Well ok then. The big match introductions never get old if nothing else. I have to give Taz this: he was perfect at what he did.

It’s so odd to see him being goofy like he is now and then here see him be more or less a killing machine. We get a nice TAZ IS GONNA KILL YOU chant. I thought TNA and ROH were supposed to be an alternative. They stole stuff from ECW too apparently so there we are. They mention Taz is 29 here.

That’s just weird to hear for some reason. He seems older than that but the same age now if that makes sense. They do a great mat wrestling sequence and submission exchange that I’m into. You can see the shadows on the mat. That’s just pitiful. An issue I have with referees in ECW: SLOW DOWN THE COUNTS. Watch an ECW match and they count as fast as they possibly can. It’s insane.

Candido works the neck which makes sense here if nothing else as this is where Taz broke his neck a few years ago. That’s rather smart and some nice continuity which you hardly ever get from the big two today. We hit the floor for a bit but the only weapons use would be a few slams into the railing which I’d hardly classify as weapons use. I like that.

A nice looking diving headbutt gets two as Candido is in control here. He sends Taz into the corner to set up the top rope powerbomb which was his finisher at this time. I like the set up for it also as he whips him in and Taz stays there. That’s not entirely contrived.

Actually yeah it is as any wrestler usually lands back first there and why would Taz do it differently, knowing what Candido finishes with? Eh, either way he counters with a nice suplex (shocking). After Taz goes suplex insane, he sits on the second rope with Candido in control somehow, but as Chris poses, the champ gives the throat slit and locks on the Tazmission for the tap out.

Rating: A-. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! If this was what ECW was like most of the time, I’d be a huge fan. This was hard hitting, fast paced, exciting stuff. Above all else though: THEY WRESTLED. This wasn’t about weapons and chairs and insanity. This was about two guys out there using their own talents and abilities to get something good doing and it worked to perfection. It would have been a higher grade with fewer powerbombs and more time, but still this was great.

Joey plugs their next PPV, and says you should come see it live, as a lot of the time stuff happens before they go on the air. Like tonight for example, the Insane Clown Posse showed up to perform, but the then heel RVD and Sabu showed up and beat the tar out of them. I always liked Van Dam.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Spike Dudley

This is a revenge match apparently. Spike is a bit different than the one that you see most of the time, as he’s Little Spike Dudley. He sees “colors” and wears tie dye. I think you get the joke. He was made into the Giant Killer after beating Bigelow on TV a week prior to this. The 80s explode here as Bigelow comes out to Welcome to the Jungle and Spike comes out to Highway to Hell.

Either way they’re both great bands and songs so there we are. Bigelow really was a big coup for ECW as he was a freaking machine that was quite good when he was on his game. He was the guy that threw Spike into the crowd and they body surfed him around the arena in one of ECW’s signature moments. After a splash maybe a minute into the match, Bigelow does a little dance which amuses me.

The fans keep chanting over here, as in where they want him to throw Spike. I have to give the fans this: they are very loyal. After hitting some decent little offense (like anything he could do is big) Spike takes one of the best powerbombs I’ve ever seen. That looked AWESOME.

In another great spot, Spike is thrown from the ring into about the 3rd row. That’s just impressive. This is a flat out crushing. It’s beyond a squash. Another great looking piledriver leads to the moonsault for the academic pin. That ring is really small. Spike bled a lot in there.

Rating: N/A. It was a really long squash. What can I give it as a legit grade? There were some painful looking spots in there and Bigelow looked awesome so all is right I guess.

We go back to the thing from before the show with the ICP where we see Sandman who was injured by RVD and Sabu and couldn’t wrestle. He beat on them a bit and then they beat him down. That’s traditional ECW if I’ve ever heard of it. I have no idea if the fans can see this as they have no video screens that I know of.

Rob Van Dam vs. Al Snow

This is Monday Night Rules, meaning it’s a traditional wrestling match. Snow wasn’t quite over yet though as he was little more than a former tag jobber as far as the mainstream goes. He would find Head soon enough though, which would be more than enough to get him over, which is putting it mildly. He gets almost no reaction here though.

RVD is one of the top heels here as he had been showing up on Raw and calling himself Mr. Monday Night. He was using what would become known as Starship Pain as his finisher there for no apparent reason. He gets mild heat as he’s just so popular for his in ring ability. Snow gets some boos but more or less it’s indifference. Head was the best thing that ever happened to him.

This starts off fast like the other match did and I’m perfectly fine with that. Joey makes an unintended joke as he points out that there are no mats. That’s true, but only WCW, the company they wanted to be completely different from, did that as a national company. They go to the floor and stay there longer in the Monday Night Rules match than they did in the traditiona ECW rules match.

That makes perfect sense right? Still though, that’s fine as they keep it between themselves with the only weapons being used being the guard rail. Like I said, I’d hardly even call that a weapon. Snow puts Van Dam against the apron on the floor and walks up the entry way before getting a running start for a clothesline. Ok, that’s fine.

What’s not fine is Joey asking if we saw that. NO YOU DIPSTICK WE DIDN’T BECAUSE THE CAMERA WAS ON VAN DAM. Will you think for like two seconds please? Back in the ring, Snow gets taken down and actually kicks out of the Frog Splash. That’s very surprising and gets a just barely over minimal reaction. We hit the floor and break out our first chair of the show, in a match under Monday Night Rules.

I love these absurd rules and the like. Snow does another of the long runs for a clothesline but gets a chair pelted into his face, in clear view of the referee, who does nothing but keep the ten count going. We go back into the ring now after some more chair stuff where RVD gets two. The chair stuff was minimal, but at least it made a bit more sense. We get a LOUD Van Dam chant just before the Van Daminator gets the pin.

Rating: B. This was good, although not as good as the first match. The Monday Night Rules thing was just stupid and pointless but whatever. I’m ok with the chair here because the focus of the match was still on the wrestling and in ring action which is the most important part of the show. Both of these guys would get far bigger over the next year or so, but this was pretty solid stuff, at least in theory.

In a WEIRD segment, we go to the EXTREME CHOPPER in the sky, following the Sandman’s ambulance. Ok, let me make sure have this straight. BEFORE the show started, so at least an hour ago, Sandman was put into an ambulance and taken away.

He has since taken over the ambulance and is now driving around the city, trying to find the War Memorial. It should be noted that apparently this is news worth following, despite him not wrestling tonight. Also, WHEN DID ECW GET A HELICOPTER??? I think it might actually be legit, but my guess is it’s somehow faked. Whatever.

We get a promo from Lawler, who says he was talking to Vince who says that this is a bad day in his career for having to go and do this himself. He says he’s not here alone. Apparently Taker is cheering him on. For some reason I don’t buy that. Apparently Bret Hart is cheering for him. That doesn’t sound right either. Finally, Austin apparently wants to be there too. All of them want him to use their finishers, which strikes me as very odd but whatever.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Gangstas

The Dudleys get no intro again. They’re joined by Big Dick Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley, Joel Gertner, and Jenna Jameson. Joel talks about how tonight….wait a minute. JENNA FREAKING JAMESON??? HOW DID THEY GET HER??? That makes little sense but whatever as she looks epic. Joey knows her before anyone introduces her. That’s not going to go over well at all methinks (stolen from X).

Anyway, Joel does the really long intro, including a great line of “One fall, fifteen minute time limit, your referee in charge is bald.” That’s a lot better than it sounds. Jenna looks like she’s having fun, which is far more than Pam Anderson could do. The Gangstas aren’t here tonight apparently, so the Dudleys win by forfeit. Instead we get this.

ECW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. PG-13

The challengers are more commonly known as the white guys from the Nation of Domination. They were like 15 time tag champion in Memphis so whatever. They’re white rappers with the same amount of talent for wrestling that Vanilla Ice had at rapping. They’ve been talking all of ten seconds and I already hate them. They’re naturally the heels since they’re from Lawler’s company.

The one that talks is trying to be Jerry Lawler and it’s just failing all around. Oh and everyone wants to screw Jenna, and who can blame them? They must want to die from the clap or something like that. So after 8 minutes of intros we start with D-Von against Wolfie D. I wonder if he’s related to Desmond Wolf. You can shoot me at the end of the review. His partner is named JC Ice.

That sums them up as well as anything I can say. We get our first sexual assault on Jenna as JC hits the floor to kiss her. Ok correction: PG-13 aren’t bad. They’re just REALLY annoying. I really want to just smack the tar out of both of them 2 minutes into the match.

In an amusing spot, Bubba has one of the white guys in his evil clutches but as he’s handing him to D-Von for some cheating, JC reverses it to give Bubba’s arm to D-Von, who keeps ramming it over his shoulder while all of his managers try to get his attention. Once he finally gets the point he’s slammed the arm down about 9 times, drawing him a massive YOU F’D UP chant.

Actually, the Dudleys are the heels here, which is a tribute to their heel drawing abilities. The Dudleys are FAR bigger than the other guys. It’s really funny looking. Jenna looks incredible. Every time she jumps there’s a huge pop. They pick up the pace a lot and it turns into a free for all, which is how most tag matches in any company end so no problems there.

PG13 is something like the Briscos if you’re an ROH fan, just minus the flair and the gimmick. 3D on Wolfe and that’s it. That came out of nowhere. The announcer says still 3 time tag team champions, which they could have been if they had lost.

Rating: C+. This was slightly better than your average tag match which means it wasn’t that bad. It’s about ten minutes long and is a run of the mill power vs. high flying match, meaning that it’s decent enough. It’s no classic, but I’ve seen far worse matches. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

Sandman is still trying to get back to the arena and this is still news, despite not having a match tonight. The Chopper is still looking for him. Apparently he stopped and got a carton of cigarettes and a beer. This is pointless. They have a spotlight on him but the guy in the chopper says he can’t see him.

Jerry Lawler vs. Tommy Dreamer

Lawler plugs Ground Zero, which was an ok show at best and crap at worst. He more or less says the same thing that he said in his promo, which to be fair the live crowd hasn’t heard. Styles says he won’t be impartial. Well at least he won’t pretend to be like Ross does. BeulahL is freaking gorgeous.

After pinning Raven, Dreamer is now more or less one of the top faces in the company right there with Taz. They start off fast with weapons and that’s fine here. This is supposed to be about showing Lawler what ECW is about and that’s what they’re doing here. Jerry is bleeding 10 seconds in.

Fans keep giving Dreamer weapons which is an old standard for the company, especially him. They’re in the crowd and the lighting is so bad you can’t tell who is who other than the outline of a beard. Jerry has had no offense at all. It’s chair time but as he tries to come in off the top rope, Lawler manages to crotch him. It’s a good thing this wasn’t in Philly Lawler would be dead by now.

Styles is being really calm actually which impresses me. In a spot I like, Lawler just holds the chair up and rams Dreamer’s head into it. And there goes the impartiality. Lawler chokes Dreamer. A lot. A whole lot. Oh there’s a piledriver and Dreamer becomes the first person to ever kick out of it!* (Note*: that means the first person in Ft. Lauderdale named Tommy wearing an ECW shirt in August of 97.)

He rips Dreamer’s shirt off and wipes himself with it which makes him jobber up. His chest looks like Hogan’s if nothing else. Dreamer poses which allows for a low blow to switch the momentum again. We have our ref bump of the match to really make it a big time match. Lawler adds a DDT to him for no apparent reason. Dreamer is about to crotch Lawler on the post and the lights go out.

They come back on and Rude blasts Dreamer with a trash can to bust him open. Why did they have to go out for that to happen? That only gets two as Lawler kicks the referee again. Dreamer sets for a piledriver and we lose the lights again. They come back on to reveal Jake Roberts for no apparent reason.

He hits a clothesline on Dreamer who convulses like Terry Funk for no apparent reason. He adds a DDT to Dreamer as Lawler has no idea why he’s there. Neither do I but whatever. Jake says his God giveth but he doesn’t have the balls to do anything else.

Now Roberts hits a clothesline on Lawler who lands on Dreamer for two. Roberts walks out as I wonder who is handling security tonight since Roberts just walked in and out at his own will. Dreamer sets for his own DDT and FOR THE LOVE OF GOODNESS SHOOT THE GUY THAT’S RUNNING THE LIGHTS!!!

Sunny is there this time and sprays hairspray in Dreamer’s eyes. Beulah, who hasn’t done anything this whole match and I had forgotten about her, starts a catfight. Lawler tries to use her for a human shield so she kicks him low to allow Tommy to hit the DDT for the pin. Not overbooked at ALL.

Rating: D+. Before I go into this, let it be known: this is for the wrestling and action itself and not the symbolism or importance of anything here. That being said, this wasn’t that good at all. It was mainly just random weapons and ball shots that led to nothing. Also the three run ins were just overkill.

Rude I get and Sunny would have been ok, but you could have killed it off there. Roberts made no sense at all though. See, earlier in the show when Rude was there for the introduction, that justified his run in here. Since he was there earlier, it validated him being there at the end because it was known he was in the arena to support Candido.

For Roberts and Sunny, they had no business in the arena and it made no sense for them to be there. If Roberts had cut a quick promo or something, it would have been way better. Anyway, this was what it was supposed to be: Lawler getting beaten up by Dream, which was what happened. I didn’t like it that much, but I’m sure ECW fans did and that was the point.

Styles gives up the intro for the three way dance as he talks about how this is a big rematch from three and a half years ago. Heyman does the same thing in a video package.

Sandman finds the arena. This isn’t going to go well is it?

World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Remember this is elimination rules. So we have a guy that I have never seen have a good match aside from with weapons and even then he’s so spotty. Funk is old and crazy and still ok but not great. Finally you have Shane who is about as overrated as a wrestler not named Elijah can be.

Funk is at least smart and stays on the floor to start which really is intelligent. The other match should have been the main event. It really should have been as it was the focus of the show. Joey talks about how this is a changing of the guard. That’s why it’s a rematch of three and a half years ago right? This is a pretty decent triple threat but nothing great.

To be fair though, I hate three way matches so that makes no difference. They go at it for about twenty minutes which includes weapons since Sabu can’t last longer than 10 without them. Of course we get the triple sleeper which just looks stupid but whatever.

Anyway, Sandman finally gets here despite arriving at the building about 30 minutes ago and nails Sabu with a ladder so both others can pin him. We get a big brawl as they fight to the back which means they’ll fight at November to Remember. The fans are way behind Funk now, even though there was zero point at all to having Sabu get the belt a week before this match.

The locker room comes out to watch this “epic showdown.” Either way, after another bit including a kickout of the belly to belly (HOW COULD FUNK DO THAT???) a low blow and rollup gives Douglas the title again because that’s how things roll in ECW.

After the match ends, the Dudleys and Joel come out to say that Douglas should join them and become the Triple Crown instead of the Triple Threat. Bigelow and Candido come out to challenge them leading to a massive brawl to end the show. That was rather pointless but whatever.

Rating: C+. Again, I don’t like these kinds of matches which has a lot to do with the grade here. The timing here of about 25 minutes was FAR better than the original’s hour which I like. I still don’t get the point of having Sabu take the title 8 days earlier but whatever. The match was what it was which was a bunch of spots but there was some flow going out there which made it work. Not bad, but it’s not my cup of tea.

Overall Rating: B-. OH MY GOODNESS this was a huge turnaround from last time. For one thing, it felt like a PPV. Ok so having 2000 people there made the show feel minor league, but this felt like a big time show. I don’t like the match order especially at the end, but the big thing here: they toned down the weapons.

That balance is what makes this much more bearable for me as instead of having just random violence everything had a nice flow to it. Also, stories were addressed instead of just a bunch of random matches. This could have been better, but it was good for what it was.

This felt like a major show instead of a celebration of them getting on PPV, so that makes this a better show in my eyes than Barely Legal. Check it out if you have two and a half hours to kill I guess, especially the opener as that was a lot of good stuff. It goes downhill after that, but not a ton.

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And before anyone says it, yes I know this is before WCW.

Great American Bash 1989
Date: July 23, 1989
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore Arena
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Bob Caudle, Tony Schiavone

So here it is. This is considered by many to be the greatest WCW/NWA PPV of all time. This is more of a card where it’s great because of all the combined totals but there are some solid individual matches here too, ranging from what is widely considered to be Luger’s best match ever to a War Games match to Flair vs. Funk for the title. All that being said, this is sadly the clipped version but only the first three matches are clipped so let’s get to it.

Triple Crown King of the Hill Battle Royal

Mike Rotunda, Kevin Sullivan, Bill Irwin, Ranger Ross, Brian Pillman, Scott Hall, Ron Simmons, Eddie Gilbert, Steve Williams, Rick Steiner, Scott Steiner, Sid Vicious, Dan Spivey, Terry Gordy

I think that’s everyone. I get a different list everywhere I look. The idea here is mostly simple: it’s a two ring battle royal that you had to win a previous battle royal to qualify for. Just like Battlebowl, you go from one right to the second and if you go out of the second you’re eliminated completely. The winner gets $50,000. JR says there are 14 so I’m missing someone. Ah ok I missed Gordy.

It’s a battle royal so there isn’t much to say here really. This is clipped and I can’t say I’m complaining that much. When we get to the final two it’s a regular match apparently. No one out yet. Literally as I hit the period key Ross went over into ring two. Simmons goes as well as this is apparently a segregated match. Ross kicks the heck out of Simmons.

There isn’t much to call really as the first ring more or less means nothing at all. Thankfully Ross goes over everyone’s name so I hear the whole roster and they’re correct. Ross puts Simmons out for good. Hall, in a total 70s look, along with Gordy go to ring two. And so is Irwin. That should leave nine guys in ring one. We’re clipped to a ton of people in ring two.

Rick Steiner just walks into ring two. Ok with about seven guys going into ring two in less than 15 seconds we’re down to Sid vs. Pillman in ring one. Both Steiners are out as are Gilbert and Gordy among others. They’re FLYING through this. Ok so Scott isn’t out. Steiner that is. Sid wins ring one. We have Spivey, Rotunda and Williams in ring two. Dang this thing has been clipped a ton.

Williams left the Varsity Club so this is a glorified handicap match. Williams beats the tar out of Rotunda and hits a big old powerslam. Rotunda misses a clothesline and puts himself out so we have Williams vs. Spivey now. Williams is in Hogan colors right down to tights and kneepad colors.

He gets clotheslined out so we have Spivey and Sid, partners mind you, as the final two. And they say screw it and split the money. That’s either awesome or awful and I’m not sure which. No rating due to the clipping and the hard to review aspect of these kind of matches. Yes this is a copout.

Ad for the Danger Zone which is a video that the NWA put out. Ok then. Order now and you get a swimsuit calendar. From 1988. And it’s of the men. I’m not making this up.

Teddy Long, the manager of the Skyscrapers, as in the team that just won the match, accepts the check and says bring everyone on. Long has some messed up teeth. He doesn’t have any of his front teeth.

Brian Pillman vs. Bill Irwin

This is again clipped down from ten minutes to about two minutes and forty seconds. Pillman goes from climbing in the ring to hitting a head scissors and sweating badly. Baseball slide takes Irwin down and it’s all Pillman. We hear about how Pillman is going to be great barring a serious injury. That’s all too true. Long chinlock by Irwin as we kind of grind to a stop. There’s another clip as Brian is in big trouble. Ok not big but given that we’ve got about five minutes to work with I have to stretch at times.

Pillman gets thrown to the floor. Irwin misses a charge and all of a sudden is stomping on Pillman after he misses something which might have been a dropkick. Irwin throws him to the other ring…and we cut to Heyman in the back for an interview. I get that this is supposed to be clipped but come on. Pillman won with a cross body. No rating of course as we didn’t even get the ending. I think that’s a problem with my copy rather than the show though.

Paul isn’t concerned with winning his tuxedo match later on. He’s going to take Cornette out instead. Cornette has a bad knee. In other news, the sun came up today.

Dynamic Dudes vs. Skyscrapers

Jason Hervey is here. I hate that man. This was supposed to be clipped but apparently it isn’t which is kind of weird. For some reason Sid is just RIDICULOUSLY popular. Soon after this he would get pushed, so at least they were paying attention. Ross says that these guys in this company are REAL WRESTLERS, not guys with snakes or pets that lay under heat lamps, but really great athletes. Sid Vicious, Shane Douglas, and Dan Spivey are in this match. Ponder that for a minute.

Ross talks about basketball out of boredom I think, which is saying a lot as the match hadn’t started at that point. Johnny vs. Dan to start us off. The power team dominates here but some shenanigans get two off what was supposed to be a cross body but Ace wound up more or less doing a cartwheel. The Sid chant begins again and the pop for when he comes in is ridiculous.

Why does this guy get cheered EVERYWHERE he goes? The fans chant it again and of course they can’t acknowledge it. Powerbomb by Spivey takes down Shane as this is total dominance. Back to Sid for a big old pop. And he grabs…Shane’s back. Not an armbar or anything like that. He just grabbed his back and squeezed on it.

Johnny comes in and hits a top rope clothesline which gets him a grand total of nowhere. The Dudes make their comeback but a double spinebuster takes care of that. Spivey hits one of the worst powerbombs ever, more or less laying him down, to end Johnny. Sweet merciful crap that looked bad.

Rating: D. Boring match with the Dudes continuing to be about as worthless as possible. The Skyscrapers were an odd pairing as no one cared about Spivey but the vast majority of the audience loved Sid. This was about ten minutes of filler but it could have been worse I guess. Sid was always popular no matter how out there he was.

Cornette says his knee is messed up still but he’s going to win anyway. Oddly masculine promo here from Jim.

Jim Cornette vs. Paul E. Dangerously

This is a Tuxedo Match where you have to strip the opponent of the tux in order to win. It’s a men’s evening gown match in other words. This is a BIG feud as Dangerously had tried to copy Cornette’s every trademark but kept losing. All of Dangerously’s guys have been destroyed by Cornette’s so we’re left with this as the final blowoff.

Cornette throws a “punch” but gets powder thrown in his eyes. Paulie goes after the knee with his phone and both guys lose their jackets. Paul gets a punch to the….shoulder? More clothes come off as Jim makes his comeback. He can’t walk though so that doesn’t work that well. To the floor now and more knee shots from Paul. This is almost all Paul here.

Cornette freaking HULKS UP and Paul is in trouble. Caudle: “Let’s see some clothes come off here!” There goes the shirt…and down they both go. Well I’m glad they kept the momentum for that long. Paul goes for more powder, it goes into his face, there go his pants, they’re blue if you’re wondering, and he runs away as Cornette celebrates.

Rating: C+. Just a comedy match and nothing serious at all but it was fun and the right guy won it. Also Heyman being humiliated is always fun to see.

Gary Hart says Muta is ready.

Varsity Club vs. Steiner Brothers

This is under Texas Tornado rules and is Scott’s debut on PPV. Sullivan and Rotunda here as they’re all that’s left. The Steiners bring actual dogs with them. Kevin and Rick fight on the floor as this is of course just a massive brawl. Apparently this is no DQ also as Kevin rams Rick into a table and it’s all fine. Rick busts out a belly to belly in the ring though as Scott just destroys Mike.

Scott gets double teamed as they are flying through this. The evildoers get stereo twos as I’m liking this brawl style here. Rick brings in a chair or something like it and gets blasted in the head with it in a painful looking spot. Kevin picks up Rick for a slam but Scott comes off the top onto Rick’s back for a double splash more or less and the pin on Kevin. Total nonstop action here to coin a phrase.

Rating: B. This was incredibly fun. It was about four and a half minutes long, but this was very similar to the Nasty Boys vs. Cactus Jack/random partner matches in 94 as they just beat the fire out of each other from bell to bell. What more can you really ask for other than it being longer? This was the end of the Varsity Club as Rotunda left before coming back next year as a sailor while Sullivan hooked up with a bunch of crazy characters, one of which was a newcomer named Cactus Jack. You may have heard of him.

Sting respects Muta and is ready. Eddie Gilbert is ready too as he’s chilling with Sting apparently.

TV Title: Sting vs. Great Muta

Ok so more or less, Muta is the best in the world and everyone knows it. Sting is the only person in the company that is popular enough that the fans aren’t going to cheer for Muta for reasons of pure awesomeness. This was for all intents and purposes the feud that made Sting legit in the ring and not just the Goldberg of his era. People knew he could go based on the Flair match, but this is kind of recharging those theories as he needs to drop the TV Title to jump up to the big time. Who better to feud with than the best in the world?

The crowd is split to start. Gilbert is here to cancel out Hart which makes sense. We get an argument over which ring to fight in also. Sting is like screw it and gets a running start to dive over both sets of ropes to get a cross body on Muta. Sting goes after Hart so Muta dives off the top with a shot to the head. They are MOVING out there. It’s so weird to see Sting going this fast.

Moonsault misses so Muta kicks Sting in the head to send him to the floor and adds a pescado and Sting is in trouble. Sting is like screw  that too and drills him with a top rope clothesline and a dropkick for two. This is AWESOME if you didn’t get that. Sleeper with a weird hand position by Muta has Sting in trouble again.

After a rope is grabbed Sting hits a big gorilla press but misses his big elbow and here comes Muta again. Back to the chinlock as both guys need air now. We get an abdominal stretch and some good old cheating by grabbing the ropes, even though I can’t see how that would increase the pressure.

Muta throws him to the floor and Sting pops up and is back in before two to pound on Muta some more. Handspring elbow misses and Sting is all fired up. Dropkick puts Muta down as they crank it up again. Ok so that lasted about a second as Muta hit the floor. Sting ducks the Mist and the referee is seeing red. Oh I kill myself sometimes.

Splash misses and Muta hits the longest moonsault I’ve ever seen for two as Young, a replacement referee, comes in and counts two. Sting gets a German out of nowhere for the pin but Muta might have gotten a shoulder up. The title was held up for about a month and a half before Muta won a rematch.

We get Muta celebrating with the title but the substitute referee says Sting is champion so it doesn’t matter. BIG bull crap chant but I’m not sure what they think that about. They’re cheering Sting’s hand being raised so I guess the belt being stolen.

Rating: B+. This was WAY too short as they were flying through this but dang it was fun. Sting and Muta had this insane chemistry together that few got with Sting but Muta certainly did. Muta was awesome because he was great in the ring but Sting had so much charisma that he didn’t know what to do half the time, but his in ring work was rising so rapidly that the fans went nuts ever time he was on camera. Great match and fun.

Luger talks about how the ratings don’t matter because he’s awesome. He had just turned heel a few weeks earlier destroying Steamboat. The idea is that only Luger doesn’t want the US Title match to be No DQ, as in he wants a straight match but Steamboat wants No DQ. Luger is scared but won’t say it.

US Title: Ricky Steamboat vs. Lex Luger

Steamboat brings a komodo dragon with him for no apparent reason. Luger is WAY over even though he’s the heel here as he’s against probably the purest face ever. Luger says either make it a standard match or he’s walking. The promoter comes in and says Steamboat is more or less stuck so he says screw it and goes with what Luger says, giving into the EVIL of the insanely popular guy that looks like a face if there ever was one.

Steamboat gets a fast rollup for two and then another one. Make it three as Steamboat is out moving him to start. We head to the floor and Luger just kills him with a clothesline. BIG chops take Luger back though as Steamboat is all fired up here. In a very funny spot, Luger yells at Young about the speed of the count and gets rolled up with Young rifling off a very fast two. Funny stuff.

They’re going back and forth with Steamboat never quitting but Luger just uses straight up power. Luger is trying as hard as he can to be the heel here but he’s far too popular for it to work. The problem is that he had one moment of evil but other than that he’s the same guy with just a bit more aggression.

Luger misses a clothesline (does he get paid per clothesline or something?) and hits the floor. Ross talks about the similarities between these two which might be a stretch to put it mildly. Steamboat takes over now and cranks it up one more time. Top rope chop puts Luger down again for two. Luger launches him into the other ring and goes to get a chair.

That’s a nice little thing as Luger is a hypocrite. Steamboat saves himself and catapults Luger into the corner while he’s still holding the chair. Steamboat gets the chair and fires the referee out of the ring for the DQ and then just massacres Luger with the chair as he tries to run away.

Rating: B-. I’ve heard people talk about how this is a great match and I really don’t get that. It’s good and it’s entertaining but it’s certainly not one of the best matches I’ve ever seen or even a great match. The storyline was good and all that jazz but this wasn’t a classic or anything close to it really. Good match and even quite good, but not epic or anything.

The Samoans and the Freebirds aren’t worried about the WarGames because they’re going to dominate. Garvin does the talking here which isn’t the best idea in the world to put it mildly. Hayes says they’re awesome too.

The Midnight Express say they have more than enough people watching their backs. Steve Williams is flying around behind them like Superman like Eugene would do. He says he wants Terry Gordy. Their final partners: the Road Warriors. This should be a massacre but a fun one. The Warriors say this is going to be dominance.

War Games: Freebirds/Samoan Swat Team vs. Road Warriors/Midnight Express/Steve Williams

In case you don’t know the rules: two guys start for five minutes and then we have a coin toss (the heels will win) and the winning team gets to send in another man for a two on one advantage. This lasts for two minutes until the losing team gets to tie it up at two. After two minutes the winning team goes up three to two. You alternate every two minutes until everyone is in there and when everyone is in there, it’s first submission wins it. No pins.

Eaton vs. Garvin starts us off. Williams is still in his Hogan attire here which makes me laugh. As JR puts it, it’s Beautiful vs. Gorgeous in WarGames which got a chuckle out of me. Garvin controls early but it’s not like it means anything. The Freebirds beat the Express in a tournament final to win the world tag titles so there’s your explanation for this part of the feud. This is more or less back and forth with nothing really to report on.

Dangerously, the Samoans’ manager, says that Hayes will be next about 10 times. Eaton controls for the most part and works on the back of the mullet-tastic Garvin before throwing on a Boston Crab. After Dangerously shouts about Hayes being in next, Terry Gordy comes in next. That’s another great example of a great heel manager. He didn’t accomplish anything but he lied his head off BECAUSE HE COULD. So simple yet so effective.

Gordy comes in and it goes badly for Eaton to put it mildly. Garvin has a glove and tape or something or his hand so this is mainly punching and stomping. He eats a lot of cage too as Garvin is mostly fine. Apparently Eaton failed in his mission to hurt him. Williams comes in to even things up and in one of the most mind blowing spot I’ve ever seen, he picks up Gordy, who is probably 290 at the least, and gorilla presses him EIGHT times into the cage. Just insane.

After some more choking the heels get us back to about even for Samu to come in as Eaton is more or less dead. Double fishhook on him by Garvin which is painful looking. Everyone is in one ring and they need to spread it out a bit. Eacon somehow gets back up and holds the heels off a bit until Animal ties it up again. Again they’re all in the same ring and it’s WAY too crowded in there.

Ah there we go as he and Samu head to the other ring. Much better. They hate each other because of a big beatdown the Samoans gave the Road Warriors and then they beat up Ellering, the Road Warriors’ manager. The Warriors cost the Samoans a spot in the finals of the tag tournament, which brings us here. Animal just destroys everyone as Fatu will be in next.

All six in the same ring still and it’s just stupid. There’s (Rikishi) Fatu to make it 4-3. The Samoans beat down Animal as Williams and Gordy are in the other ring now to space things out a bit. Eaton and Garvin are still fighting and here comes Stan Lane to even it up at four apiece again. That leaves Hayes and Hawk as the last two. The Samoans eat metal as Lane cleans house.

Dangerously to Hayes: Ok so when you go in you go over here. Hayes: I GOTTA GO IN???” Dangerously: There’s no one left! Hayes: *swears*. Funny stuff. There are 9 people in the match and 9 are in the same ring. Hayes DDTs everyone to take out the faces and then goes off into the other ring to taunt Hawk. The fans want Hawk with one minute left. Hayes drops Eaton with a hard left and here’s the bird man.

Now it’s first submission wins. Hawk cleans house as it is on in a big way. The faces are dominating here as was the custom in WarGames once everyone got in. Dangerously tries to force the phone through the cage and turns around to see a referee with his arms folded looking at him. I need some wawa music there.

Mainly just punching now with nothing of note as far as flow or anything but that’s a good thing here as there isn’t supposed to be anything remotely resembling order. Look at the first name of the match: WAR. Doomsday Device on Gordy is blocked so Hawk kills Garvin with a clothesline and works on his neck, throwing on a hangman (Hawk grabs Garvin for a reverse neckbreaker and lifts him onto his back in a neck crank/choke) which gets the submission to end it.

Rating: B+. Very solid battle in there which was exactly what this was supposed to be. It’s not a classic or one of the best ever but this was quite good for the point of blowing this feud completely off and have all the feuds in there at once. This was effective for what it was supposed to be and the match was as fun as ever. Good match.

Animal gets caught in the cage and the heels beat the living heck out of him for awhile.

Flair says he is ready but doesn’t know if he can do it. We’ll know in about an hour.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk

Funk comes out to the theme of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly which is kind of awesome. The idea is a basic revenge angle but the thing is that Funk might be able to do it because he’s just too tough to predict. Flair has the women with him which were always a nice touch. Funk stalls to start us off. Flair chases him to the floor and it’s on early.

Funk goes to the floor and hits the crowd almost immediately so Flair again shows impatience and goes after Funk some more. Funk throws in a chair and Flair is fine with that. Funk chops away with the left hand (his natural hand) which looks odd. He’s middle aged and crazy already here so what does that tell you about him still fighting today? He’s in good shape here though which is odd to see.

Funk stomps the head of Flair as this has been a big brawl so far. He slaps Flair which doesn’t get him punched in the jaw actually which was a bit surprising. Terry works on the neck and Flair is in trouble early on. Flair tries to suplex him to the floor but his knee buckles and both guys go down. BLISTERING chops by Flair which sound great. Somehow we’re only five minutes in.

He goes for the Piledriver (Ross calls it a suplex) and Flair counters to send him to the floor again. Now Flair goes for Funk’s neck to fight fire with more fire which wouldn’t be much of a fight when you think about it but you get the idea. Flair gets a Piledriver as this match is kind of all over the place, but that’s working very well for it here. He makes it two just because he can.

Funk throws punches which get him nowhere as Flair gets a running forearm that he used on occasion to put him right back down. There’s the Figure Four after no knee work so you know that’s not going to be it. Gary Hart throws Funk the branding iron and of course the referee sees it but would rather worry about the guy standing on the apron rather than the crazy man with the iron rod.

Flair is busted open from the shot to the head and there’s the Piledriver from Funk which only gets two as his foot is on the ropes. Naturally Funk wants broken bones to go with the blood he’s got coming out of Funk already so he hits the floor and pulls back the mats. Flair gets out of that as the referee runs away instead of trying to help the death move by Funk. Nice guy that Tommy Young.

A couple of neckbreakers have Flair in real trouble. Make that three. Well if it’s working why change anything? Funk wants Flair to give up (that would be the rematch) and Hart yells at him to just take the pin to get the title. Flair gets the branding iron and cracks it over Terry’s forehead which would likely crack his skull open but why should that stop Terry?

Both guys are busted open now as we hit fifteen minutes. Flair pounds away with about twenty punches in the corner. Running knee in the corner eats turnbuckle though and Funk goes to the spinning toe hold which is more or less Funk’s second finisher. Flair reverses it into one of his own but that is reversed into a cradle which is reversed into a cradle to give Flair the pin to retain.

Rating: A-. Solid match here with a massive brawl the whole way through. Flair fighting the entire time but then changing gears at the very end to surprise Funk with a rollup is perfect and shows that Flair can mix it up with the best of them. Funk was a legit threat to take the title here as if he hurt Flair again he could get the easy pin for the title. This worked and it worked very well.

Post match Muta, another of Hart’s men (he had quite the stable), comes in for the double beatdown as they try to piledrive him on the chair to really but Doug Dillenger, the head of WCW security, breaks it up. Sting runs down for the save, and there’s Halloween Havoc for you.

Overall Rating: B+. This is indeed a very good show, but to compare it to Mania X7 as the best show ever is just laughable really. It’s very good, but it’s simply not in the league for best show ever. I’d watch it again to check more into details of the show, but it’s not an epic show. This was more of a transitional show and more on par with one of today’s modern PPVs as it only really blew off the Varsity Club and to an extent the tag title feud. Again, very good show, but not one of the best ever.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

In the 1990s, there were undeniably two major professional wrestling companies in America. However, there was also a third based out of Philadelphia known as ECW ECW ECW ECW ECW! You never can say those letters just once. Started by Paul Heyman (not really, but for the sake of time and space just go with that) in November 1993, ECW was originally a member of the beast that will never die known as the National Wrestling Alliance.

Following the complete and utter mess that was the Flair issue with the belt in 91, the NWA Title meant absolutely nothing. Despite the territory system having in effect died seven years earlier, the NWA decided that everything was just fine with it and kept going with it.

There are a lot of reasons why you don’t see the NWA on a national level anymore and their refusal to just let go of the past is probably the biggest of those reasons. Anyway, after there was no champion because of Flair and that mess which I’ve covered before, they took their biggest territory left, Eastern Championship Wrestling, and held a tournament there for the NWA Title.

On August 27, 1994, the NWA held their tournament in Philadelphia with Shane Douglas getting the win over 2 Cold Scorpio. He then famously threw the belt down and said that the ECW Title was the real world title. The next day, Eastern Championship Wrestling folded and we had Extreme Championship Wrestling, no longer affiliated with the NWA, in its place.

For about two years, ECW continued to grow with completely rabid fans. They managed to get on New York television, which doesn’t sound like much but that means going from an audience of about 4000 people a show in the arena to about 10 million people that got that station. That’s a huge jump.

Eventually this tiny company got big enough that they were ready for the next huge step: Pay Per View. Their first PPV, Barely Legal, aired on April 13, 1997. ECW was out of business in less than four years due to a ton of reasons that literally books have been written about so I’ll spare you the long and drawn out history that you can find written by better writers elsewhere.

Anyway, I’m going to be reviewing all 21 original ECW PPVs plus the two One Night Stand shows and December 2 Dismember which were produced by WWE, and a series of shows produced by Shane Douglas in 2005. I’ll be looking at the nationally distributed product that ECW produced, hopefully in order, to try to see if this company was all it was cracked up to be.

Note that these will not be released one a day, but rather I’ll put them up once I get each one done. It saves a lot of headaches for me and I’ll get them done before the summer this way. That being said, let’s get going.

One more note before we get to this: I know very little about the original ECW. I was in a market where we got it maybe once every three or four weeks at 4am on Friday nights. Before they got on TNN, I had seen one show, which was the first after Raven left. After that, I didn’t even hear about ECW until 18 months later when a friend of mine mentioned that he was hooked on it.

He showed me some pics of it (on a site he introduced me to called Wrestlezone.com I might add) and I thought it was cool looking. Later I finally got to watch it and I indeed liked what I saw. They were off the air a year later so there we are. Anyway, the historical context here will be a bit lacking, so be forewarned.

Barely Legal
Date: April 13, 1997
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1170
Commentator: Joey Styles

Welcome to the show that nearly wasn’t. This show was a nightmare to actually get on the air for several reasons. First of all, it’s difficult to get a tiny independent company on PPV. Second, there was a little thing called the Mass Transit Incident.

There was a show in Revere, Massachusetts where one of the wrestlers didn’t make it to the show for a match with D-Von Dudley against the Gangstas, so there was a replacement. This guy was about 400lbs and more or less a kid. He somehow convinced Heyman (who was an idiot for taking the kid at his word but whatever) that Killer Kowalski had trained him, so Heyman let him in.

Not only was the kid not a trained wrestler, but he was 17. Naturally, all heck broke loose over this, and ECW was thrown off of PPV. After a ton of begging from Heyman though, they got back on in April at a different time slot than anyone else got.

Now that I’ve gotten the nonsense from the Rise and Fall of ECW out of the way, let’s take a look at this thing. Your main event here is Raven defending against the winner of a three way dance held earlier in the night. To me, this is stupid. It sounds like something off of a house show.

The key thing to selling a PPV is to have a match worth buying. By not telling the fans what they’re going to be paying their money to see, what’s the point in buying the show? I just don’t get that. It’s smart to have Raven, your world champion, fighting in the main event, but to not say against who is just out there.

The participants in the three way are Sandman, Stevie Richards and Terry Funk, which is another headscratcher as Raven was, since it was the 1990s and they were in ECW, feuding with Tommy Dreamer. Anyway, I’ve criticized this enough already and I’ve never seen any ECW PPV all the way through so let’s get through this.

Dude dig that “demonic” ECW theme song! If there was one thing ECW always got right, it was their music. We open up with Joey Styles in the ring and the most famous chant in wrestling history of course. Styles is freaking hard to understand. I’d chalk it up to bad equipment which is understandable here I guess.

As he’s running down the card, the Dudleys come out, along with Sign Guy Dudley who Lodi would later rip off in WCW, and Joel Gertner, who was rather funny as an announcer. The heat here is greatness. Also, the tag belts look like the old Intercontinental title.

In something I’m going to have to get used to, we get a CENSORED YOU D-VON chant. The mic keeps screaming as D-Von is cutting his promo. He runs down the crowd with some basic insults but has a great delivery to do so with. We go from that into…the intro?

Yeah, for some reason we cut to the actual intro to the show and run through the theme song again although it’s a bit slower this time and there’s a different video package that looks more like a traditional intro to a TV show. What is up with that? Why would you have it once, then do a promo, then do it again? That’s just odd indeed.

Anyway, we’re back in the arena now with Joel Gertner talking, which should at least be funny. No not really as he just does his team’s introduction. It’s weird seeing the Dudleys in their original forms. I think I like it.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Eliminators

The Eliminators are Perry Saturn and John Kronus. Saturn had wanted to call the team the Harvesters of Sorrow but didn’t think enough people would get the reference. I doubt most of you will either, so the reference is that Saturn and Kronus were the gods of the harvest in Roman and Greek mythology. Yeah that was never going to work. I’m having a hard time getting into them as they’re wearing pink tights but there we go.

Sign Guy stays in the ring and takes a botched Total Elimination, which is a leg sweep/spinning heel kick combination. Saturn did the leg sweep but he didn’t sweep that well. Anyway, after a harmless manager is beaten up to cheers, I think I’m starting to get what I’m dealing with here. The heels jump them from behind as Bubba drops both an F bomb and a powerbomb.

Styles does the commentary alone on PPVs, which definitely takes some getting used to. This match is doing kind of a back and forth thing but they’re going way too fast with it. One team will be in control for 30 seconds and then the other will take over. There’s also little to no tagging. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone on the apron yet, although we’re only about two minutes into the match.

The Eliminator are reminding me a lot of the Motor City Machine Guns and the Rockers. They use a pair of Trouble in Paradises to put Bubba down. I wonder if Kofi is from Dudleyville. He’s been from everywhere else so why not? They follow that up by being secure enough in their masculinity for a long hug while wearing pink tights. Well ok then.

Kronus throws a pretty sweet handspring backflip moonsault over the ropes to take out everyone. Another thing that’s very different here is the lack of space between the ring and the railings. It’s difficult to maneuver out there if nothing else. Seconds later, Kronus does another of the same move but this time into the corner instead of over the ropes, making it a much less impressive spot and taking away from the first one.

I don’t care what company you’re in, that’s a stupid thing to do. I’ve always loved the way Saturn dropped elbows. They’re just sweet looking. Bubba is said to be 370-375, which would make D-Von about 250. Yeah I’m not buying that at all. This is turning into an X Division match as it’s all high spots with no apparent rhyme or reason to them at all from the Eliminators.

The champions are getting completely squashed here and they get pinned after Total Elimination. That’s it? Dude that was a 6 minute destruction. Well if nothing else it’s a hot way to open the show so I’ll give them that. Gertner continues showing off that Ivy League education (legit) of his by saying that by his score, the Dudleys won. A Total Elimination later and the new champions are heading to the back.

He would start wearing a neck brace because of that, and would break Orton’s record of milking an injury by still wearing it into 2005. That’s a very severe injury and those fans should be embarrassed for cheering it. Yeah that’s not going to work at all so I’m moving on.

Rating: C-. So the first ECW PPV match ever is a glorified squash. Well that’s ok I guess, but the lack of anything remotely resembling a flow here hurt it for me. It was like they were going for a highlight reel or something. Also, I can get having the Eliminators dominate, but it makes very little sense to have them be in trouble for the first 30 seconds and then have the Dudleys have maybe another 30 seconds later on of offense.

It came off to me like high spots for the sake of high spots, which I guess if you’re trying to keep new viewers around is a good idea, but the lack of a flow was just killing this match for me as it made it feel like a bunch of rookies wrestling.

Apparently Chris Candido is injured and can’t wrestle. He says that he’s been all over the world and now he’s back in Philly. This is getting a very mild reaction to say the best. He runs down all three guys in the three way before we go to the match. This was kind of pointless.

Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

So Van Dam is the replacement? That’s quite a sub. He looks weird without his gloves on. Styles is really getting on my nerves. You don’t have to call every single move. This is television, not radio. We can see what’s going on and contrary to popular belief, some of us know a few wrestling move names.

The dynamic here is completely different that it was before and maybe it’s due to the familiarity of the guys in there but this feels like a far higher quality match. The finger point thing gets zero response. And now we get to the reason why I couldn’t get into ECW. We have a solid match going here between two guys that are certainly talented enough to be out there on their own and deliver a good match.

So what does Van Dam do? He goes and gets a chair. Yeah the pelting of it at Storm looked and sounded great, but seriously, why was it needed? One thing ECW never was able to understand was the idea of less being more at times, which would have certainly been the case here. Van Dam is called a sell out here as he was actually doing some stuff in the WWF around this time and if you’re in ECW that means you might as well be a demon or something.

Ok I know I criticized the chair but the chair surf thing has always been something I’ve loved. Storm kicks out of the frog splash that I guess was only four stars. I love how a move can gain the ability to win a match as the guy doing it goes higher up on the card. Shawn Michaels used the superkick for years and it was just a run of the mill move. God bless kayfabe and star power I suppose.

In a little sequence that I like, Van Dam misses a spin kick so Storm does the same move and hits it. I guess he got serious all of a sudden after getting his head kicked in for awhile. For the third time in two matches, we see a handspring move. People, watch the match in the back please. It looks freaking stupid otherwise.

We do the same thing as before (again) as Storm gets what would become the Canadian Mapleleaf on Van Dam but it’s just a standard move at this point. The Van Daminator misses and Storm gets the chair for the weakest looking chair shot I’ve ever seen. The fans boo the heck out of it so if nothing else they’re consistent.

Van Dam goes for a springboard move and botches it horribly (to be fair it was a difficult move) and you know what chant is coming. Storm somehow has a weaker chair shot the second time around. Naturally this gets more booing, and the wrestling fan in me is shaking his head. Is it really that bad of a thing that Storm is a very good wrestler and doesn’t want to use weapons? Seriously, it’s not the end of the world. That right there is why it never appealed to the masses. Can you imagine someone that grew up on Flair and Anderson being sold on this?

Anyway, the Van Daminator and a standing moonsault end this. Storm offers a handshake and RVD gets a mic, saying that’s not his style. He then cuts a mostly shoot promo on Heyman and ECW by asking why he wasn’t on the card and was only a replacement. He implies he might go to the WWF or WCW which gets him great heat.

Rating: B-. If not for the completely unneeded chair, this would be a much higher rating. These two had a very solid match and it worked very well I thought. It was completely different from the first match and made me have a much better feeling about the show. The first match was a highlight reel match, but there was a flow here, although the ending could have been far better.

Dick Togo/Terry Boy/Taka Michinoku vs. Great Sasuke/Gran Hamada/Gran Naniwa

I know some of these guys, but I have no idea if I’ll be able to tell them apart in the ring. This was a major component to ECW so if nothing else they’re sticking to their guns here. If nothing else there’s a guy here named Dick To Go. Oh come on you knew I had to make that joke.

Team Taka is BWO Japan here to continue that running joke. Hamada might be taller than Rey Mysterio but I’m not sure. Sasuke gets a very solid pop here as he’s easily the most famous of the people in there. This really is an international match. Only here could Japanese guys use an Irish Whip to set up a Boston Crab in Philadelphia. It’s very weird to see Taka being taken completely seriously as a wrestler. This referee is counting REALLY slowly.

Hey let’s say WOO when someone uses a chop. No one has ever done that before. Styles says Irish Whip for the 5th time inside of two minutes. I know that can be blamed on the wrestlers, but geez can you come up with something to vary it up a bit? You can’t say he’s sent into the ropes?

They’re doing the smart thing here and not trying to give much of an explanation as to why these guys would be on either team and just singing their praises. That was the best thing WCW could have done as they gave us reasons to care about the guys we saw.

They mention various accomplishments these guys have, one of which is most Irish Whips this side of a Belfast dominatrix I think, instead of just saying that they’re big stars like WWF would do. This Taka I would have liked in the WWF. Instead we got a guy that was the size of a cruiserweight but wrestled a heavyweight style.

In a cool spot, the BWO use Sasuke as a prop to pose on. That’s very cool looking actually. The BWO works really well together for a three man team. Ok, seriously, that’s the tenth time Styles has said Irish Whip. WE GET IT. Hey there’s a handspring elbow. We haven’t seen that in the last 15 minutes so it must be ok to use it again. Well if nothing else there hasn’t been a single dead spot out here.

In an innovative spot, Terry Boy starts with a chokeslam and ends up with a powerbomb. That was very different. What isn’t different is the 11th Irish Whip into the 4th jumping swinging DDT of the match. It’s cool once. It’s repetitive four times. For no apparent reason we have a chair shot on the floor. Back in the ring, Sasuke just goes insane on Taka and hits him with about four big power moves in a row before ending him with a Tiger Suplex. That was a cool ending.

Rating: C+. This was much better than the first match, but I think that’s because it was supposed to be different. The first was supposed to be a hard hitting fight while this was billed as a high flying spotfest and was a high flying spotfest. There’s not a thing wrong with that either. However, the repetitive spots and the announcing of Styles made me want to pull my hair out. Seriously baby kangaroo, you don’t have to call every single thing that happens. We have eyes.

With no transition at all, Francine is here with Shane Douglas. She looks good if nothing else, but she’s coming out with a riot squad. Shane is TV Champion here. He talks about beating up Pitbull #1, Gary Wolfe, and hurting his neck. The match tonight is against Pitbull #2.

TV Title: Pitbull#2 vs. Shane Douglas

If Pitbull loses, a masked man that might be Rick Rude has to unmask. It’s a shame that Shane was so much of a jerk. If he hadn’t been we could have hated him for being an overrated wrestler like we should have done all along. That being said this is starting out pretty well if nothing else as apparently the last match wasn’t the only Lucky Charms special of the night as we get two Irish Whip calls in 10 seconds.

I have no issue with the move, but rather Styles telling us it’s happening that often. The Pitbulls had a good look to them. If they hadn’t been drug addicted monsters they could have been a very good team. You know once ECW calms down, they could be downright entertaining. That’s what this match is proving.

They’re working a much slower and more methodical pace and it’s a great contrast to what we’ve had in the first three matches. A “she’s got herpes” chant helps things a bit too. Francine is wearing a black bra and thong with a see through baby doll over it and since her back is to the camera she’s a bit of a distraction.

You know his name is Anthony Durante but they keep calling him Pitbull #2. What sounds better to you: Anthony Durante or something that sounds like a stupid joke? They refer to his partner by name, so why not the guy wrestling? Speaking of the partner, he jumps the railing and beats up Douglas and for the first time in wrestling history, he’s taken out.

The guard rail itself is brought into the ring. That’s a great thing to do with a crowd this wild: give them a way in while they chant WE WANT BLOOD. In a painful looking spot, Douglas drops the railing over the top rope (that felt odd to type) and it hits Durante in the back. That looked sick. What is with the weak chair shots tonight? That one sucked, not as bad as Storm’s.

In a moment that made me laugh out loud, Styles says that Douglas earned his reputation in the ring and not repelling from ceilings, which is a jab at Sting. Ok, stop for a second. Number one, Sting vs. Hogan drew more money in one night than ECW probably made in 6 months. Second, Douglas bailed on ECW more than once to go running back to WCW.

Finally, to compare Douglas to Sting as far as wrestling ability or drawing power goes is downright laughable. Sting is one of the best in ring workers of all time. Douglas is good, but while he was winning midcard titles in a glorified indy company, Sting was main eventing the biggest show in company history for the world title in one of the biggest matches of all time.

It’s one thing to take shots at WCW and Bischoff, but there’s no way that one was anywhere close to being valid. This is a pretty good match. For one thing the weapons have been used but downplayed here. As I’ve said before, at the end of the day it’s about the wrestling at the end of the day. If you have good wrestling, you will be successful.

Durante isn’t that good in the ring but for what he can do, which is basic power/big man stuff, he does it pretty well. Just as I say that he throws a decent dropkick. Not bad at all. In a dumb spot, Francine sneaks Shane some brass knuckles. Why? Seconds after he hits Durante with them he breaks a piece of a table over his head in plain sight of the ref. Why would she have to sneak them to him?

Blast it I brag on this match and now we have to bring in more weapons. Ok, two shots with knuckles (which I believe are considered a deadly weapon), a table, a chair and a bell can’t pin him? Oh and now, 30 seconds later, he’s in control again. There’s being tough and then there’s being completely ridiculous. One thing about ECW referees: THEY COUNT TOO FREAKING FAST!!!

A typical referee would be at two by the time they’ve counted three. Candido comes out and does absolutely nothing but apparently he’s part of the new Triple Threat, which was like the Horsemen of WCW, along with Douglas. OH COME ON. All those shots to the FREAKING HEAD can’t pin him but a freaking belly to belly suplex can? Ok that’s just incredibly ridiculous.

The masked man starts talking in Rude’s voice and says, in the most read off a script promo I’ve ever heard in my time as a wrestling fan, that he’ll unmask in exchange for the girl. He comes out in a Rude robe and Douglas attacks him. In the most obvious swerve of all time, Rude is in riot gear behind Douglas and the masked man is Brian Lee. They beat him up and stand tall as the heels leave together.

Rating: B+. Ridiculous ending aside, I really liked this match. There was a simple reason for it as one partner is trying to avenge the other. Sometimes that’s all you need. The weapons were downplayed here which is a major perk for me as I’m not a fan of them. This is a great example of ECW toning things down and making them appeal to the masses more, which is always a good thing.

Taz vs. Sabu

This is one of the main events here. They’re former tag partners that hate each other now. They have been building to this match for a year, so that’s about all there is to it. The intro for Taz is great as he has his own entourage. No Jeremy Piven jokes coming.

In a weird moment, we’re in a close up of Taz and Joey is talking about the Tazmission and Sabu jumps over the ropes for the introductions. That just came from nowhere. I’ve yet to see a good match out of genie pants but we’ll see if it works here. Fonzie is Taz’s manager at this point too. Sabu manages to block the Tazmission which never happened back then.

We’re doing a wrestling style here which I like a lot better than starting with wild brawling. It plays to Taz’s strengths better and I’d much rather have him calling the match rather than Sabu. The man with more adjectives than Schoolhouse Rock has a broken nose from a Taz punch. Naturally we hit the crowd for a bit and of course Sabu does a huge spot to get there.

After a lot of brawling that we couldn’t see any of because there were no cameras out there, we’re back in the ring and surprisingly on the mat. In something that I’m very glad about they’re doing about 80% standard stuff here which is really making me buy into this match more than before. Sabu is trying to get a few shots in here and there which is actually working.

Sabu gets a running springboard spot but misses everything. I mean Taz just stands there and watches him crash. They set up a table between the guard rail and the apron. Sabu goes for a swinging DDT and shocking no one, he winds up going through it in what looked like another botch. This match is certainly intense.

They’re definitely making sense here as when it’s slow paced Taz controls it but when it’s fast paced the guy that Van Dam carried to an allegedly good tag team is in control. In something I’ve never seen before, Sabu stands on the post and jumps to the ropes for a bigger bounce to hit a guillotine legdrop. Not bad at all.

Taz just goes insane and starts suplexing the tar out of Sabu. Other than a quick break where Sabu uses a T-bone Tazplex and the Tazmission on Taz which is funny, Taz hits like three more suplexes to more or less kill Sabu and then the Tazmission is academic.

Taz says gets on the mic and says good match and that he would love a rematch and he wants a handshake. Sabu does it and raises Taz’s hand. Van Dam comes in and hits Taz and when Taz goes for him, Sabu goes after Taz as well. They put him on a table and Sabu goes for a big running spot. Say it with me: BOTCHED. Fonzie turns on Taz and leaves with Van Dam and Bazoo. Van Dam says he would love to work Mondays.

Rating: B+. Again, they kept the weapons use to where it made sense here and the match went way up as a result of it. These two were beating the heck out of each other and the psychology was there. However, the flat out stupid looking things Sabu did really hurt it here. There were two big spots where he did stuff that was just bad looking. That and the times where they were brawling in the crowd and you had no idea what was going on bring this down from a much better grade.

Joey introduces Tommy Dreamer, and the only woman that could give Sunny a run for her money as sexiest woman in wrestling history: Beaulah. They’ll be doing commentary on the final two matches. Now, this brings up something very interesting that for the life of me I will never get: why was Dreamer, arguably the second biggest face if not the biggest face in the company, wrestling on this show?

It didn’t have to be in the main event, but you would think he would have been on here SOMEWHERE. If it had been me booking the show, I would have had Dreamer vs. Raven with Dreamer finally getting the win. I mean, he got the win over Raven less than two months after this so it’s not like the feud would go on much longer anyway.

I guess that they didn’t know Raven was leaving at this time which would explain part of it I guess, but what better way to end the show than with Dreamer finally beating Raven and overcoming the odds? But I digress.

Stevie Richards vs. Sandman vs. Terry Funk

Richards has said he has no idea why he was in this match and I can’t think of one either. He was the leader of the BWO at the time, along with Nova and Meanie, and here they have Thomas Rodman and 7-11 with them. 7-11 was Rob Feinstein, who would later own ROH.

This was a really well done parody that worked for one major reason: they kept it going. That’s the problem with most parodies: they stop doing them after a week or two. This thing went on for years. They’re getting quite a reaction if nothing else. Also, let me make sure I have this straight. We’re getting Stevie, a parody wrestler, instead of Dreamer, a more popular and better wrestler. There’s one of the reasons I have a hard time accepting ECW.

Sandman comes out to a Motorhead cover of Enter Sandman through the entrance, which gets a noticeably lesser pop than usual. It just doesn’t sound right at all. In something that might surprise you, he and Dreamer were my favorite old school ECW guys. Dang it why do there have to be all those freaking license fees for songs? They don’t exist on the radio. You’re getting awesome play for your song. Also, it’s freaking Enter Sandman.

It’s not like no one has ever heard of it before. Yeah I’m sure that ECW is going to try to take credit for it. Funk, at this point just 52 years old, comes out to no music. Apparently Dreamer was supposed to be in this but he gave up the spot to Funk, which is fine from a storyline perspective but from a booking perspective it makes me scratch my head a bit. Dreamer was a major star at this point, granted not as big as Funk, but Stevie over Dreamer?

That just doesn’t make anything resembling sense. Dreamer finally starts talking after waiting around doing nothing the entire time. Stevie just doesn’t fit in there at all. Terry really is a big deal here as he came to ECW when no other big name would. He gave them instant credibility as he allowed these young guys to have someone to get over with. We’ll ignore the fact that the NWA made Funk big since ECW is completely anti-NWA.

Funk busts out the spinning toe hold which hasn’t been used in at least an hour as Terry Boy used it. Yeah that’s one of the foreign things as Terry Boy uses a lot of Funk’s offense as a tribute. That’s fine, but it’s like listening to a cover band. If I want to hear the same stuff, I’ll go listen to the real band.

Speaking of repeating spots, Funk uses four straight neckbreakers. For some reason this gets a pop from the crowd. Oh because it’s from ECW. I get it. Ladder is brought in. Dreamer is more or less worthless on the mic. GASP! STYLES WAS WRONG! He says Funk is 53 here. Since Joey Styles is the second coming, he could never be wrong!

I mean he’s perfect in every way shape and form, so apparently he has the power to bend time and make it after June 10, Funk’s birthday, so he’s 53 now! Yeah I’m sure he’s capable of doing so. The shots he takes at WCW and WWF are just hilarious. I wonder if they actually believed half the bull they said.

Hey look, it’s more pointless ladder spots for the sake of having pointless ladder spots to prevent us from actually having to tell a story or use psychology in this match. That’s so cute. Funk does the spinning ladder spot that for some reason is considered genius. Styles says 53 again. Stevie gets a solid kick to the face of Sandman, but since this is EXTREME, finishers don’t work.

Dreamer barely talks. I forgot he was there for about 5 minutes. That’s my main issue with Japanese wrestling for the most part: the kicking out of finisher after finisher. What’s the point of having a finisher if it never gets the pin? So many of these classics turn into nothing but kicking out of finishers to the point where it takes 3-4 of them to end a stupid match.

That kind of kills any credibility the move has. If you’re going to keep using it over and over until you get the pin, why not just punch the guy into unconsciousness? That just kills the atmosphere for me. Once in awhile is fine, but not 3-4 times in a match. Anyway, xeno-wrestling-phobic rant over.

While Stevie and Funk fight Sandman has gone to the back for some reason. Oh he got a trash can. He throws it from the floor into the ring and it hits on Funk’s head, probably giving him a concussion, so the fans cheer for it loudly. Oh apparently it’s wrapped in steel. So in other words, Funk should be dead.

This right here is why I hate ECW. It ceases being wrestling and becomes a freak show at this point. Now yes, there’s been some great stuff here tonight, but in no way, shape or form is most of this needed. Terry Funk and Stevie are good enough wrestlers to be able to work a decent match on their own.

I can understand a few weapons here and there, but much like in the Douglas Durante match, when one of the guys should be legally dead given the abuse he takes but kicks out at two, that’s just ridiculous.

Now I know what a lot of you might be thinking. Yes, Mick Foley is my favorite wrestler, but keep something in mind: his insane violence came in spurts. He would only have the ultra violent matches once every few months. He had a ton of matches where he would get hit with a chair, but it rarely got to the insane point that ECW got to on a nightly basis.

After retirement, Foley would come back once in awhile and have a big time hardcore match. The key to it was that there was maybe one of those every six months. It gave the fans a chance to forget what had happened and the next time it happened, it was far more shocking.

When you do it every single show, it stops being impressive and becomes stupid looking, which is already happening in one show. There have been matches where there was absolutely no need for any kind of weapons use, such as the six man or Van Dam/Storm. Why did those guys need a chair? Storm clearly wasn’t comfortable using it and it messed up the match and got him a heel pop when he was the face. That’s why they’re unneeded.

Anyway, Stevie goes out due to Funk and we have barb wire now. Sandman puts it around his body and does a top rope leg as his body is bleeding. This is just stupid at this point. Stevie is still here for no apparent reason. Stevie kicks Sandman and Funk hits the really bad moonsault to put himself in the main event. Dreamer spoke all of 5 times in the whole 20 minute match.

Rating: D+. The weapons sucked the life out of this for me. Now before I get a ton of ECW fan boys that can’t form coherent sentences, let me explain. Yes, I get that ECW is a hardcore company. Yes, I get that Sandman can’t work a regular match longer than 2 minutes without swinging a chair or something.

That’s the point: Funk and Richards and Dreamer could have worked a solid match. Throw Sandman in there and have him go out first then have a regular match. If ECW wanted to be mainstream and legit, then they need to have legit wrestlers and legit matches instead of the hardcore all the time. This went over the top again, and while that would be fine if it hadn’t happened already tonight, it had happened in almost every match. That’s too much.

Raven is already in the ring, so that leads us straight into this.

ECW World Title: Raven vs. Terry Funk

Well since it’s the most obvious ending in the world at this point, I have to ask: what’s the point in having Funk, an old man, go through a 20 minute match and then beat your young and fresh world champion? That kind of defeats the point of having Funk putting Raven over. Dreamer says he can’t do commentary and asks Joey to leave him alone for this match.

He didn’t do commentary for the last match so I don’t really see the difference. Naturally he starts talking even more after he says that so there we are. The doctor comes out to check on Funk as the people chant for Tommy. He says he can’t do anything. I’ll put the over under at 3 minutes. So Dreamer says he can’t do commentary, and now he starts cutting Joey off.

And here’s our table. Yeah it had to happen. Joey asks the logical question: what good is the ECW Title if you’re crippled? Tommy says Joey isn’t an athlete and can’t understand. Ok, there’s being intense and loving the sport and then there’s just being a freaking idiot. That’s what this has become. So, Styles doesn’t understand being crippled? Yeah that makes perfect sense if anything ever has.

Raven gets a running dive over the ropes to put Funk through a table and Styles plugs the next PPV. Raven hits a doctor. Screw that medical nonsense. A bunch of Raven lackies including some person that I think is a woman comes out. She botches a sitout powerbomb BAD. Raven says he’s going to end Funk’s career right in front of Dreamer.

Big Dick Dudley jumps Dreamer as Raven hits a DDT on the referee. Dreamer fights back and hits a chokeslam (read as shoves) on Dudley through the tables (read as he hits the first and misses most of the other two). Naturally this is the coolest thing of all time because it wasn’t but ECW claims it is anyway. Dreamer leaves the broadcast table and beats up Raven’s Nest.

Not that we can see this or anything mind you as the camera is on Raven standing in the ring. Yes just standing. He’s not actually doing anything but this is far more interesting than the fight that’s going on of course. Dreamer hits a DDT on Raven as Funk gyrates on the mat. That gets two, and then in a completely stupid spot, Funk rolls Raven up literally 4 seconds later for the pin.

I’d bet the DDT was supposed to be the ending but Raven kicked out by mistake. Dreamer and Funk celebrate in the crowd as we go off the air and then the circuit blows up and kills the already over feed 10 seconds later.

Rating: D-. From bell to bell, this was about seven and a half minutes long. Raven and Funk interacted for about a minute at most. I originally gave this an F but switched it because Funk winning the title is a cool moment I suppose.

However, the interaction between the two combatants was this: Raven kicks him in the head a lot, Raven hits him with a table, Raven puts him through a table, Raven gets covered, Raven gets rolled up and pinned. This wasn’t a match. This was a minute of interaction, then the doctor checking on Funk, then 5 of Dreamer fighting everyone to give Funk the title.

This was complete crap despite the decent ending. Read my review of the main event again. How much in there is Raven interacting with Funk? That’s why this match was crap.

Overall Rating: C-. And that’s being very generous. This show is ok at it’s very best. The best match is Durante vs. Douglas and the completely ridiculous kick outs make that decent at best. That’s the issue here: this is completely unrealistic. Now I know all the ECW fans are going to say how great it was and they’re right.

For a complete freak show that belongs in tiny arenas once a month, yeah this was great. For a major show that’s the first attempt at going national by a small company, this was just barely ok. The weapons were freaking ridiculous here and something tells me that this is a walk in the park compared to what’s coming.

There’s zero need for the weapons in a lot of these matches, or at least there’s zero need for them being used this much. Also, for the life of me I don’t get why this wasn’t Dreamer vs. Raven for the title with Raven finally going down to Tommy. The most amusing part of this is that Funk was brought in to get the spotlight on the young guys and get them over yet he winds up being the focus of their first show and taking the title from one of the young guys that he was brought in to help.

This should be seen once though as it is indeed an historic show. It’s not great, but to be fair, ECW really didn’t know how to run a PPV yet. Wrestlemania was horrible when it debuted, so I’ll give this the benefit of the doubt.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

PWF Homecoming
Date: March 11, 1989
Location: Florida State Fairgrounds, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Gordon Solie, Diamond Dallas Page

Now here’s one I’d bet 99% of you have never heard of. This is the Professional Wrestling Federation, which is a company that Dusty Rhodes started in Florida once the CWF went out of business. That’s about the extent of what I know about this show. Well that and that it takes place in 1989. I have no idea what else to expect here and this is the only show of theirs that I know of. Let’s get to it.

Page and Solie welcome us to the show and tell us where the show is taking place at which is nice. The main event is the Steelman vs. Dusty for the inaugural PWF World Title. There’s a match going on in the background but we can’t see who it is or what’s going on. Steelman is apparently about 400lbs.

There are two “reporters” talking about the show.

Dusty is getting ready in the back.

Junior Heavyweight Title: Lou Perez vs. Jim Backlund

Backlund is champion I think. It seems that Perez is the crowd favorite here. Backlund takes him to the mat with a headlock and they get back up quickly. Perez jumps over him a bunch of times and this has something to do with Florida Championship Wrestling as well. No idea what but I don’t think it really matters for the most part. Backlund works on the arm and we have five minutes remaining. This was the match that was going on when we started. Nice job guys.

Backlund dropkicks him down with four minutes left in this boring match. Perez comes back with a backdrop for two. Something like a Boss Man Slam puts Backlund down but Perez hurt himself too. Two minutes left and Lou gets a near fall on a sunset flip. They hit heads and go down again to kill more time. Snap suplex by Backlund with a minute left and he goes up top. His splash misses and Perez hits a dropkick for two. Time runs out so Backlund keeps the title.

Rating: D. What a boring match. This was 1980s small people wrestling in a nutshell: neither guy was particularly good, but you can have a Junior Heavyweight Titles so put it on someone. This resulted in REALLY boring matches like these and about four guys ever getting the title. The problem is that these guys wrestled like heavyweights but at about half the speed for some reason. It never was very good until some Japanese and Mexican guys came in and actually did something interesting. I’ve never heard of either guy anyway.

Bobby Jaggers/Johnny Ace/Black Bart/The Terminator vs. Nasty Boys/Italian Stallion/Bubble Gum Kid

This should be….uh…..interesting. And yes it’s the same Johnny Ace. Bart and Jaggers are the Southern Force. Ace and Terminator, his less famous brother, are tag champions. Stallion and Bart get things going as Page talks about Ace’s trunks. Jaggers gets slammed as does Bart so it’s Bart in officially now. Knobbs comes in and has a bad shoulder apparently. Off to Sags and then Bubble Gum Kid. Seriously, who named him that?

The Nasties help Stallion to cheat on Terminator so here’s Ace. The problem with a match with this many people in it is that you can’t keep up with who tags in. Also there’s not enough time to get anything going so it’s kind of a mess. Kid hipblocks everyone so Page complains about him being too flashy. Even Gordon gets on Page for that. Stallion comes in and gets out of the heel corner followed by some dancing.

It’s Jaggers vs. Stallion at the moment with Jaggers looking afraid to charge in at him. Back to ace who has flower power going on with the tights. Page has a habit of putting the word baby at the end of every sentence. Knobbs comes in to face Bart and gets caught in the heel corner where they work over his bad shoulder. We finally have our face in peril. It’s off to Ace to work on the arm and then back to Terminator.

Now it’s Bart working on the arm and as soon as I finish typing that it’s Jaggers. Sags tries to come in which doesn’t do any good so it’s Terminator in for more punishment. Knobbs manages a clothesline and gets the tag to Bubble Gum Kid. Everything breaks down as you knew it was going to do at some point. Kid goes up but gets hit in the head with a bradning iron, allowing Bart to steal the pin.

Rating: D. Another uninteresting match here for the reasons that I gave you earlier on. There were just way too many people in there and because of that it was really hard to get a story going. The shoulder was about what you would expect here and it’s amazing how the Nasty Boys were in essence the same guys for so many years. This was nothing but a way to get a bunch of people out there though.

We talk to some suit who is president of the organization. He says the future will mean something and that’s about it. We also see the PWF Title for the first time.

Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes

There’s some guy with a big sign at ringside which looks like a protest sign. It’s a pro-Dustin sign, calling him America’s Baby. Terry gets in an argument with some fan in the third row. He breaks the sign too just because he’s Terry Funk. The guy tries to get the sign back so Terry beats him up. Dustin comes out and dropkick Funk’s manager Oliver Humperdink.

Apparently this is some continuation of the Funk vs. Rhodes war which I don’t remember ever starting. I do however remember it continuing for years on end. Terry suplexes him back into the ring and the beating begins. Piledriver hits but Funk won’t cover. Dustin is a total rookie at this point so it should be a squash. An eventual cover gets two. Dustin whips him into the corner and Funk goes over the corner and to the floor.

Terry comes back and throws him to the floor as Page talks about Dusty’s loins. Dustin comes back with punches and they head inside. Back elbow gets two. There are two slams and a suplex. It’s clear Dustin has very little ring time at this point so his offense is incredibly limited. Funk punches himself in the face to wake himself up and heads to the outside again.

Dustin elbows him in the head as Funk is coming in. It’s clear that Funk’s selling is designed to make Dustin look much better than he has any right to be at this point. They brawl on the floor a bit before heading back inside for choking from Funk. He’s got something in his hands to choke with because he’s Terry Funk and therefore evil. Dustin comes up with a backdrop and a Dusty elbow to the head. Humperdink comes in with a rope, only to get beaten up. Funk chokes Dustin with the rope for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This was probably the best match of the night so far and it was Dustin using the same moves over and over, which to be fair isn’t his fault. He had only debuted about six months before this so he was lucky he had someone like Funk in there that could walk him through the whole thing. Boring match but it could have been a lot worse. Rhodes had talent but he needed to get out of his dad’s shadow and get experience.

Italian Stallion and the Nasties make the save from a worse beating because Papa Rhodes was too busy I guess.

The Commandos vs. The Star Riders

No idea who any of these people are but the Commandos are big fat guys while the Riders are small guys. The fat guys jump the Riders and we start with the white Commando vs. we’ll say Rider #1. Off to the black Commando as this is comprised of a lot of clubbing on the back so far.

Back to the white one who misses a corner splash while Page implies Gordon is a cross dresser. Here’s Rider #2 and their names are apparently Rock and Blade. The black Commando is named Ray. Rider #1 is Blade. Ok then. The heels (Commandos) cheat, resulting in a double team clothesline and a splash by the white one gets the pin. This was too short to rate but it’s clear that all of these guys are REALLY green.

Terry Funk says he liked being in Hollywood but he’s back now. Oh and he won’t sleep with the interviewer woman, which is probably going to stop half of her questions. Terry wants to talk about Dusty Rhodes but the interviewer talks about Dustin. Funk wants to take away Dusty’s pride. He wants a Texas Chain Match with Dusty.

Florida State Title: Al Perez vs. Mike Graham

Mike is champion and this is No DQ for no apparent reason. Graham takes him to the mat immediately as is his custom. He hooks a leg lock and this is already boring. Perez gets out of it so Graham puts him right back into it. Al rolls to the floor before coming back in for some forearms to the back. Perez is sent to the floor and then into the post. This match is already boring, much like most of Graham’s stuff.

Back in and Perez takes over, catapulting Mike into the corner. Time for the chinlock to keep the riveting going. The match isn’t bad mind you, but it’s REALLY uninteresting. The No DQ rule hasn’t meant anything yet either. Al throws his feet on the ropes to establish that he’s a heel. Graham gets up and hits a single punch to put both guys down. Right back to the chinlock which has almost no torque on it.

This is one of those matches with nothing to talk about. The No DQ rule is probably here for the ending but it’s making the match even less interesting because you’re waiting on a brawl to break out but it’s just a boring wrestling match. Back to the chinlock for a third time which is broken up after a minute or two. They collide twice to really emphasize that they’re both down.

There goes the referee and Perez gets a chair and a shot to the arm which apparently is injured. Thanks for telling us that 10 minutes into the match guys. Graham comes back with the good arm and knocks Perez to the floor. The arm is sent into the post and Perez goes after it very slowly. Back into the ring for a key lock and they roll around on the mat for a bit with the hold on. Perez turns it into a pin and grabs the rope for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. It was boring, there was no justification for the No DQ ruling, the rule didn’t come into play until the referee went down which made no sense and the ending was lame as the cheating could have happened with nothing at all with the arm shot. Graham is a guy that you hear good things about and while he’s technically sound, I’ve yet to see him have a good match.

Scott Hall/Steve Keirn vs. Dick Slater/Bam Bam Bigelow

Keirn has an alligator with him named Wally. Get the reference? Gordon says this is an Australian tag match, whatever that means. Bigelow and Hall start things off. Bigelow is the only one here that looks like he usually looks. Hall works on the arm and brings it’s off to Slater who takes over. Back to Bigelow who looks silly working on the arm. Monster heels go after RIBS man. RIBS. Bam Bam misses a headbutt and Hall hits a dropkick.

Off to Keirn who works on the arm as well. Slater is knocked to the floor and Keirn suplexes him back in for one. This is another boring match. Swinging neckbreker from Slater puts Keirn down but he won’t tag. I guess it’s supposed to tease tension or something. Slater drops an elbow for a delayed two. Keirn hooks a sleeper so Bigelow makes the save. Hall knocks Slater down and after about a day and a half Keirn tags him in. A quick sunset flip gets the pin. Oh and apparently Slater and Bigelow are part of Page’s stable.

Rating: D-. Scott Hall’s mustache alone keeps this from failing. Other than that there’s NOTHING here that anyone should want to see. This show continues a complete lack of being able to tell us anything about the stories leading up to the match. Bigelow and Slater are in the Diamond Exchange? Thanks for telling us that with 10 seconds left in the match. It really made the ending epic.

Slater goes after Humperdink post match but Bigelow beats down Slater.

Page is in the ring but let’s go to Gordon and whatever that interviewer chick is named. Nothing at all is said so let’s go back to the ring. The president presents the title belt to the referee. Page is ring announcing apparently.

PWF World Title: Big Steel Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Big Steel Man is Tugboat/Typhoon/Shockmaster. Dusty comes out to Old Time Rock And Roll. Well at least he has good taste. Oh apparently Page is the manager of Big Steel Man. That sounds like something a 4 year old would come up with. Steel Man shoves Dusty around a lot to start. Dusty comes back with an elbow. That sequence took over a minute somehow. Dusty jumps (yes, jumps) into a bearhug two minutes into the match. This match is really looking down in a hurry.

Dusty elbows out of it and goes to the floor, only to have his shoulder rammed into the post. Back inside Steel Man works over the arm with a wristlock. The guy is 370lbs and he’s using a move that a cruiserweight could use. That’s not a compliment in this case. The arm goes into the buckle and Big Steel drops four legdrops in a row followed by a missed top rope splash. Dusty rolls over quickly and gets the pin and the title out of nowhere.

Rating: F. OH COME ON! After this horrible show, the big star’s match for the world title isn’t even eight minutes long? There was no build at all and the ending didn’t do anything for the crowd, as they didn’t have a chance to get ready. Also, Dusty looks like a weak champion as all he did was move out of the way instead of hitting a move of his own. Horrible main event to a terrible show.

The Diamond Exchange comes in to work on Dusty’s arm. Keirn comes in and lays on Dusty to protect him instead of, you know, hitting the heels with a chair or something. Dusty gets up because his help sucks and clears the ring.

Overall Rating: F. When the only good thing there is to say about a show is that it’s relatively short, that’s a pretty sure sign that the show is horrible. The wrestling is bad, there are almost no stories in sight and there’s nothing redeeming here at all. It comes off like a really bad indy show with guys that haven’t been around for years. From what I can tell these guys were CWF/Florida Championship Wrestling guys, and if that’s the case I’m NEVER watching that company again. Horrible show.

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Terry Funk’s Wrestlefest
Date: September 11, 1997
Location: Amarillo Fair Grounds, Amarillo, Texas
Attendance: 4,000
Commentator: Joey Styles

Now most of you likely have no clue what this is. I had heard of it but that’s it until I found it online. This is a show Funk put together for no apparent reason other than he was planning on retiring for about the 9th time. This is a three way cross promotional event, with FMW, ECW and WWF contributing guys.

And when I say WWF guys, I don’t mean no names. I mean Mankind and Bret Hart with Hart defending the WWF Title against Funk in the main event. Now how does that sound? RVD is on the box but there’s no sign of him on the card. I think he’s in a dark match or something.  Let’s get to it.

The lighting kind of sucks but whatever. We’re told that Fritz Von Erich passed away the day before, putting this at September 11, 1997, a Thursday. Ok then. He gets a ten bell salute and the bell sounds like nothing I’ve ever heard before. This is very low budget to say the least, but at this time WCW was dominating wrestling so it’s not like they could afford much.

Roadkill vs. W*ING Kanemura

Roadkill isn’t Amish yet and is just a New York guy. Kanemura for those of you that haven’t heard of him is freaking crazy. This is a ten minute time limit so this isn’t going to go on long. Roadkill is a student in the House of Hardcore, of which Chris Chetti was the first graduate of. It’s an ECW show (partially) so I have to include that. Roadkill has less than 12 matches career so he’s VERY green here.

You can’t see past the 2nd row so I’m betting less than 1000 people. The rail is literally that: a rail and not a fence like usual. There are no rules apparently either as chairs are used at will here. Roadkill is also about 50 pounds lighter than usual here so that’s a big difference. A Rock Bottom gets two for him. It’s all Roadkill here.

I think Kanemura is the face here but I’m not sure. Top rope splash completely misses and the power of Japan takes over. A Senton Splash (not a Bomb mind you. This is like jumping forward and landing on the other guy back first) ends it.

Rating: C. Considering Roadkill had less than 12 matches coming into this, I can’t be hard on him at all. Wrestlers get experience somewhere and this is an example of that. Considering the level of experience he had, it came out very well. By regular standards it was bad, but for something like this, it was perfectly fine.

Taz vs. Chris Candido

Taz is the ECW TV Champion here and it’s on the line here. Joey insists that this is not an ECW show and they’re simply guests. I like that. If nothing else we get Back in Black for Candido’s theme. No Sunny though so that’s an automatic lower grade. Again it’s just ten minutes for the time limit so I’m guessing the later matches are going to be REALLY long as it’s only a 9 match card.

These two had a good match at Hardcore Heaven so this should be at least decent. They start with a nice wrestling sequence and Candido is full heel. I don’t think a lot of the fans know who these guys are. Joey says there are 4,000 people here but I’d be a bit surprised at that. I’ll go with it though. Candido gets that nice powerbomb he does and Joey says that Taz is credited for popularizing tapping out in wrestling.

No clue if that’s true or not but I don’t remember anyone using it before Taz did so there we are. Very well could be wrong there though. Candido goes up for a double axe handle but opens his hands so Taz can catch him in a belly to belly. Candido COMPLETELY misses an enziguri but Taz sells it anyway. That was bad even for an ECW miss. Taz initiates his ending sequence which I like so that’s good. As the announcer says there are three minutes left Candido taps to the Tazmission.

Rating: C+. Not bad but their match at Hardcore Heaven was WAY better. This was good enough though as Taz did his thing and that’s all you can ask of him. Chris of course was his usual solid self but there’s nothing here that jumps off the page as great. I liked it though but then again I like both guys at this stage.

Shark Tsuchiya vs. Lady Cooga

Cooga is in a mask and seems to be a face. These are both women by the way. Fans are throwing things into the ring apparently and the announcer doesn’t like it. Shark is from FMW and looks like a combination of Aja Kong (Awesome Kong’s tag partner in Japan) and Hawk of the LOD. Same time limit as before. The announcer gets their names backwards so that took me 10 minutes to figure out. I’m going with Joey’s version though.

Cooga is a freelancer apparently. This is pretty back and forth and not bad at all. Shark is really strong here and is dominating more often than not. These referees tonight have been very slow. Cooga totally misses a kick in the corner but it’s sold anyway. There seems to be a lot of that going around tonight. Shark just hits stiff clotheslines and knocks the heck out of her. Another one ends this.

Rating: D+. Sloppy as all goodness but I’ve seen worse. Not a terrible match or anything but the sloppiness hurt it a lot to me. That and a dead crowd made this hard to get through. However it was nice seeing women that can be stiff and not have it be mainly about their looks for a change.

Youngbloods vs. Bushwackers

Youngbloods are Mark and Chris. I believe their brother was Jay but I’m not sure. They’re the hometown boys here. Their father is with them and his name is Ricky Romero. Go figure. Apparently this is a big feud in Puerto Rico. Again with the ten minute time limits! We’re 30 minutes into this two and a half hour show and of the 9 matches on the card I have this is number four. SLOW DOWN.

Somehow the Bushwackers are heels here I think which is odd. Chris has short hair. Got it. Ah yes their brother is indeed Jay. Good to know. Good night this is sloppy beyond belief. WOW it’s weird seeing Luke and Butch as heels. I think they’re going Sheepherders here on us too. Butch goes for a chair as I want this to end quickly.

Butch is good at playing heel if nothing else. We get some heel miscommunication from the Bushwackers and WOW that was weird to say. They keep the clock going down and as we hit 45 seconds, the Youngbloods hit a dropkick combination to get the pin on Luke. Post match they tease more violence but it doesn’t happen.

Rating: D. This went WAY too long and it never clicked for me. This was more for the Amarillo crowd than for anyone else which is ok I guess. It’s still just very odd to see the Bushwackers as the heels ever but that’s fine for a nice change. They were good at it too so I can certainly live with it.

Balls Mahoney vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

MAJOR miscommunication in there somewhere as this is originally announced Sandman vs. Balls. Bubba runs out instead during Sandman’s entrance and is introduced as Mahoney. Whatever. Sandman’s entrance of course takes forever. Joey takes shots at the announcer and he’s exactly right. Sandman takes some cane shots from Bubba and here’s Balls. Injury I’m guessing.

The announcer is told point blank that this is no contest. Naturally he says no disqualification. This guy is AWFUL. Bubba tries to leave and Balls calls out Bubba and that’s how the match starts. Bubba says no way and Balls threatens the referee to start the match or get a chair shot. Naturally this is No DQ.

So I think the miscommunication earlier is just that the announcer sucks. Bubba dancing is funny stuff. We’re on the floor now with Bubba in control. There’s not much to say here as it’s pretty bad. Bret and Foley are going to have to save this thing.

Bubba takes a beer to the face. Sandman slips Balls a chair. I’ve heard of tripping balls but slipping balls? Sandman looks WASTED. I mean he is gone. Balls ducks a chair and hits two bad cane shots and then one good one for a pin that looked like two. Sandman takes him out instead.

Rating: F+. Just a total mess here and the announcing threw everyone off beyond belief. This was bad anyway as no one wanted to see just Bubba. The Dudleys at this time were a unit and just like today when you took one apart they fell apart completely. This was by far the best of the night.

ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Tommy Dreamer

Beulah is the hottest I’ve ever seen her here, period. Francine looks pretty good too. Shane has just gotten the title back at Hardcore Heaven so there’s more or less zero chance of him losing here. Shane’s heel stuff is underrated I think. He’s overrated beyond belief, but he’s decent at times I think. Ok apparently this is now non title. Ok apparently it is. Dreamer threatens to beat up the announcer if he doesn’t say it’s for the title.

Beulah gets on the mic and says that after looking at Shane’s trunks she knows not everything is big in Texas. If I’m Dreamer I’m thinking two things. Why is my wife looking at his trunks, and how in the world did I get a woman that looks like that? Dreamer dominates until Shane kicks the chair he’s holding into his face.

The fans keep shouting about Lex Luger for no apparent reason. Shane works on the knee and Francine helps which causes him even more trouble. I’m liking some of the stuff Shane is using on the knee as he’s varying it up very well. We’re told that there are ten minutes left, meaning the time limit was 15 minutes. Dang we get a figure four from Shane. There are about a millions jokes there.

Both girls come in and Beulah manages to break up the hold and Dreamer gets two on a rollup. Dreamer goes for the DDT but there’s Francine for the save. You know what’s coming. Shane beats up Beulah including the belly to belly. Dreamer hits everything he has on Shane but can’t get the pin. Francine saves him after the DDT and takes the safest piledriver I’ve ever seen. I love that he never even checked on his wife. A quick belly to belly ends this.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I should have. The interference was annoying beyond all belief to say the least, but we get hot women so I can’t complain much. This was a good match though and it got the job done that it was shooting for so I can’t complain.

Some fighter named Steve Nelson is here. Ok we get it. You can leave now.

Sabu vs. Mankind

This is old school Mankind with the brown leather vest I guess you would call it. He had been Dude Love around this time so this was a quick change. It’s Foley so I can’t complain. This should be pretty decent. They mention RVD losing to Dory Funk Jr. Dark match or not on the DVD I guess. Yep based on some other reviews, that match did happen just before this one. No clue where it is but whatever.

Sabu hits a nice spin kick to get us to the floor followed by a nice plancha. We’ve got a chair in there now. What took him so long? Foley tries to do his head in the ropes spot but it doesn’t work as the ropes here suck. Sabu sets up a table between the ring and the rail. It’s weird hearing Styles talk about Mankind. There goes the table. Foley loses his mask.

The triple jump hits and I think Foley drops an F Bomb but gives his way of jabbering it likely wasn’t. Foley wakes up and just goes off on Sabu and hits the Double Arm DDT and does some Cactus Jack mannerisms. Fonzie, Sabu and the referee get the Claw but the bell has already rung. The announcer says it’s a DQ. Screw telling us who won or anything. Not important. Joey points out that Foley would win because Fonzie ran in.

Rating: C-. Solid brawl here as Sabu wasn’t as insane as normal so this was far better. When he’s calmer he’s much more watchable. Foley was his usual great self here. Putting these two in a brawl is a recipe for awesome so this worked fine other than the cheap ending.

Hayabusa/Masato Tanaka/Jinsei Shinzaki vs. Headhunters/Jake Roberts

Shinkzaki is more commonly known as Hakushi and I’ll be calling him that here. The Headhunters are two fat men from Puerto Rico. My goodness Jake actually looks sober. I can’t believe it. Yep the announcer gets the Japanese names totally wrong. Apparently it’s Hayabuta. He doesn’t announce Hakushi at all. This has a 30 minute time limit.

Even Joey says he can’t tell the Headhunters apart so I’m happy. They were the Squat Team at the 95 Rumble if that helps at all. That’s a pretty freaking stacked Japanese team. Tanaka and one of the Headhunters start us out. Ah here’s Jake. Much better. He looks fat but sober so I can’t complain that much. It’s now a fat guy vs. Hayabusa and we start with a test of strength. Ok then.

A bunch of kicks puts the fat man down. Hayabusa is good. In case you’re wondering he’s retired due to being paralyzed now. The Headhunters are your traditional big fat guys that can’t do much at all. Chair is brought in with the non Japanese team winning. One of the Headhunters hits a top rope splash on Tanaka for two. This needs more Jake as the Headhunters are doing about 80% of the wrestling.

They’re also starting to impress me with their versatility if nothing else. And there we have it. That might have been the dumbest thing I have ever seen in wrestling, and I’ve seen New Jack matches. Jake has Tanaka set for the DDT and stands there looking at Hakushi climbing the ropes. He continues to stand there and gets kicked in the face from the top.

I mean it’s not like the DDT takes a second to do or anything and it’s not like Jake was LOOKING STRAIGHT AT THE OTHER GUY. I question this master of psychology thing at times. Big old mess now. A Headhunter misses a splash and a 450 splash hits for two but the referee calls it 3 anyway. Yep the announcer just calls them Team Japan. Whatever. Post match the losers act like jerks.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much of anything. I don’t get the selection here at all as Jake is over the hill and the other two aren’t that good so let’s put them against an all star team. Made little sense but it could have been much worse.

Two former women’s world champions are here. No clue who they are or anything but why should that be important? Let’s not bother showing them or anything either.

Terry Funk vs. Bret Hart

I’m pretty sure this isn’t for the title so we’ll go with that. It’s no DQ if nothing else. He comes out to a cover of Freebird. Sandman had the regular Metallica theme and he can’t use Freebird? Dory is with him and there’s Bret’s music. This is just weird to see/hear. Bret is from Calgary, Canada and is the present WWF Champion. Seriously who talks like that?

Bret was the monster heel in WWF at the moment so the reaction here should be interesting. Dennis Stamp is the referee, who was Bret’s first ever opponent and I believe a jobber in the AWA. A bunch of people get in the ring. Chris Candido is in a towel. Seriously you couldn’t throw on some jeans? Heyman has the mic and the fans are cheering for Funk.

Heyman puts Funk over very well for ECW and for Amarillo and wrestling in general. In a cool moment they give him a belt and declare him World Heavyweight Champion for life. I like that. That’s rather cool. Bret gets on the mic and gets booed out of the building. He says what Bret Hart the person not Bret Hart the character would say which is very nice. He shakes Funk’s hand and says he’s going to kick Terry’s teeth in. Nothing wrong with that as it makes Terry the even bigger face.

The camera is messed up early and we can only see half of the ring. Ah there we are. This referee is SLOW with his counts. Funk uses a headlock for awhile as they’re having a very basic match to start us off. This is pretty solid stuff so far with basic technical stuff but it’s working. Funk can wrestle quite well. Don’t think he’s all about hardcore and brawling. He can go on the mat.

Funk gets the toe hold but it’s broken up by the ropes and now we’re getting some punches. One of Bret’s brothers is his corner man. We’re not told which though. They’re going very slowly here to set up the big ending which is fine by me. Something happens in the crowd as they all get up all of a sudden. Terry gets rammed into the table on the floor. This has been solid so far.

After working the knee the entire match, Bret hooks the figure four and uses the ropes which is completely legal here. Dang that’s a bad figure four. It’s getting into Dusty territory here. Stu Hart is here also. He has two brothers here and neither is Owen so who cares? Funk makes his comeback with mainly punches and gets a great pop. Funk gets a DDT so I’m happy. For a guy that’s 50, Funk looks pretty decent.

At 15 minutes in we hit the crowd and Funk is in control. The figure four on the post breaks that up as I continue to think the post wouldn’t actually do that much in it. Bret initiates the ending sequence but stops to go grab a chair. Funk winds up with it and goes off on the knee. The announcer can’t tell time as 6 minutes after 15 minutes passed we’re at 20 minutes.

Funk goes for a Vader Bomb onto Bret through a table but misses Bret and goes through. He’s busted open too. It’s all Bret here as this has been a really good match. Funk gets a small package out of the Sharpshooter for one. See what I mean about the speed of these counts? Seriously a one count after twenty minutes? Funk gets the toe hold and Bret is in trouble.

Terry goes for one spin too many and there’s the other small package that gets two. See how much better that sounds than ONE? They do the messed up time thing AGAIN but thankfully Bret ends it as Funk hits a belly to back suplex and Bret gets his shoulder up while Terry’s are down. Post match Funk gets the weakest announcement ever from the worst announcer ever and then he says he has no complaints and he loves the fans. Classy.

He’d also be in the WWF in 3 months but it’s Terry Funk so it’s a bit different. Also they said his last match in Amarillo more than once tonight, so that’s a bit better. Big difference between this and what Flair got which I classify as a bit disrespectful but that’s for a later argument.

Rating: A-. Great match here as they had someone out there that legitimately respected Funk and they let him have a great match. Funk’s in ring work is vastly underrated in the technical aspect so this was a nice way to let him showcase himself. Also notice something here: he went out losing to a younger star, giving Bret the spotlight rather than taking it for himself. This was a very good match regardless of the circumstances and I liked it quite a bit.

Overall Rating: C-. This is much more of a novelty than anything else. The wrestling other than the main event is pretty poor, the production is AWFUL, the ring announcer had Joey legit annoyed and the referee needed to be on Social Security. Still though, seeing this kind of talent at an indy show is worth seeing as is this three way cross promotion.

Overall this is a decent show but other than the main event (and potentially the inexplicably not there RVD/Dory match) there’s nothing great to see other than the stunning Beulah. This is something that would be good in like an 8 dollar bin at Wal-Mart or something like that. Find the main event as it’s nearly 30 minutes of Bret Harty goodness.

The Night The Line Was Crossed
Date: February 5, 1994
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,000
Commentator: Joey Styles

So this is it. This is allegedly the show where everything came together for ECW and became AWESOME. I’ve heard great things about the triple threat main event and I’ve heard it’s incredibly overrated. I’ve never seen it before so we’ll see if it’s either of them. I tend to hate triple threats in general so I wouldn’t put much stock in me liking this one either. Other than that not a ton matters as it’s about two hours and ten minutes long and the main event is an hour even. Let’s get to it.

Tod (and yes that’s how it’s spelled onscreen) Gordon says ECW is insane and therefore may not be appropriate for everyone. That was their tagline back in the day and it’s either brilliant or stupid.

Mr. Hughes vs. Sal Bellomo

This is the home video version so Chad Austin vs. 911 is left out. The arena is more or less dark here and it comes off as rather weird looking. Hughes is famous as the bodyguard character while Bellomo is just weird. I smell a squash here. Hughes and Jason come out to bad rap music. Let’s get this over with please. Bellomo looks like Hagrid from Harry Potter if that gives you any idea of what he looks like.

Sal goes for the arm and it doesn’t work at all. Hughes is pure heel here but it getting killed. Hughes is one of the few guys to play exactly the same character for the vast majority of his career and to never change a thing. It’s nothing special at all, but to be a bodyguard character this long is saying something. Now if only I knew what that was. Joey says the punches he throws are from St. Louis, Missouri. That’s a decent line if he’s from there. Shame it’s Kansas City. A HORRIBLE Boss Man Slam ends it.

Rating: D. Total squash that went too long. I never got the appeal of Bellomo but he was pushed forever here. He was a glorified jobber in the 80s in the WWF and he’s a big deal in ECW. There are his career highlights. This was a bad opener to say the least.

Sandman/Tommy Cairo vs. Pitbull/Rockin Rebel

This is a dog collar chain match. Sandman is getting more ticked off at this point but is still a beach guy. Jason is managing Pitbull #1 (Gary Wolfe) for you ECW fans that care. Wolfe and Cairo are chained together as are the other combination. They might have been in the ring for 6 seconds and then they hit the floor. Rebel is busted open and I think Cairo is too. Well that didn’t take long.

It’s more general insanity but unlike the last show I did the cameras can actually zoom in a bit. You can barely see things but it’s better than not being able to see at all. You can tell who is who here and you can tell what they’re doing. Pitbull gets two in the ring on Cairo. A bunch of violence leads to Cairo pinning Pitbull with a belly to belly. More brawling follows.

Rating: D+. Not terrible I guess and there seemed to be a reason for this….whatever it was. Sandman would start his transformation soon enough and make himself an ECW legend, changing the company forever. At this point he was terrible though, as were the other three so there you are.

Bruise Brothers vs. Public Enemy

The Bruise Brothers are the Harris Twins in gimmick number 3948. They have long hair here and would be in WWF soon enough. This is more brawling and anything goes stuff which is in the crowd immediately. I think I sense a theme building here. About a minute in all four guys disappear as the camera work is making my head hurt. Joey talks about how you’re only going to see this stuff in Philly. Is that a good thing I guess?

ALL Bruise Brothers here which isn’t likely to last long. Joey points out that this isn’t wrestling but rather a street fight. The announcer says we’re five minutes in. Yeah that’s really what I care about right now. That’s the NWA for you: make sure we follow TRADITION of telling us how long we’re going and bring us out of the possible adrenaline rush that this match is supposed to bring.

Rock gets slammed on Joey’s table and he has a freaking heart attack over it which is always amusing. Joey is obsessed with what the Harris’ home is like. Grunge throws some powder in one of their eyes. A 2×4 shot ends it as the Public Enemy stay dominant in ECW and I’d bet undefeated.

Rating: D. This was just too insane and it hurt things a lot I think. Nothing of note happened here and after the first big brawl, this looked a lot weaker. It was fine for a brawl, but brawling can only get you so far, which is a lesson this company never wanted to learn.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Jimmy Snuka

Snuka is EVIL here and Dreamer is a pure rookie. I’ve seen this before somewhere. Dreamer is from Dreamland USA. Wow indeed. He’s the pretty boy in bright blue tights here and no one cares about him. Snuka is by far the biggest star in the company at this point. Joey promises a classic. That’s never a good sign. Dreamer is 22, my age, here. That’s hard to imagine as he’s always been old.

Lots of stalling to start as we just had to stretch this show out further didn’t we? Dreamer puts on the hat of a kid for no apparent reason. After about three minutes of stalling we lock up and go to a headlock. And now we stall some more. I thought WE WRESTLE IN THE NWA! The fans chant for Piper although I’m not sure why. Would it kill you guys to do something?

Snuka pops him with a pretty weak chair shot on the floor in by far the most interesting move of the match so far. Dreamer kicks out of the Superfly Splash and Joey apparently thinks he can walk on water too. Snuka hits two more of them and Dreamer is more or less dead. He’s bleeding from the mouth and Snuka finally pins him. He beats up some referees and other people afterwards and hits a fourth splash on Dreamer. Gordon comes out and gets beaten up too.

Rating: F+. This was about 80% stalling and then a bunch of splashes. It was like a weird kind of squash and by that I mean it wasn’t any good. The stalling is what hurts this as it’s nearly 8 minutes long and WAY too much of it was just them standing around and yelling at the crowd. Snuka wouldn’t mean anything in the long run anyway as he was only around for a few months after this while Dreamer became one of the biggest stars in the company.

Kevin Sullivan/Tazmaniac vs. Original Sheik/Pat Tanaka

Sullivan/Taz are tag champions but the belts are being held up for some reason. This could be brutally bad and likely will be. Woman in a suit is oddly sexy actually. Taz is insane here and looks like a caveman. Tanaka is in street clothes just because he can be. Sullivan is bleeding 9 seconds in which might be a record even for him. Tanaka has a bad ankle so while the guys with S’s in their name fight Taz goes for a half crab.

The wide shots during brawls are really annoying. Sheik is 66 years old here and this is the first recorded match I can find for him in 13 years. He throws a fireball at Taz and Tanaka pins him. Yeah that’s it.

Rating: N/A. This was really short and really bad. Yeah….the whole 66 year old in a match this is pretty stupid. Somehow Flair isn’t that far off from it. He’s light years ahead of this though. Sheik and Sullivan fight even more for a little while.

JT Smith vs. Mike Awesome

This would be a squash in the regular ECW. Here it’s going to be a squash but with a different ending. If you want to see an example of why Awesome is so beloved, watch this match as he’s INSANE but great. He never lets up at all and hits a great over the top rope dive to nearly kill Smith. And then the hometown boy rolls him up for a pin in his only offense all night. Referee gets beaten up anyway. He goes for the splash and breaks the freaking ring ropes.

Rating: N/A. Total squash for Awesome and he lost anyway. He would go to Japan soon after and other than one other time in 94, wouldn’t be seen in ECW until 97. He would wrestle five times there and then would go winless in 1998. FINALLY in 1999 Heyman realized he had something amazing and made him world champion.

Shane Douglas vs. Sabu

This is a #1 contenders match and the title match will take place immediately afterwards. Heyman runs out with a phone and blasts Shane’s manager, Sherri, to take her out. With over an hour to go, this is the main event, and yes it’s that long. Joey has audio trouble so while he’s shouting you can’t understand a word of it. You can hear the crowd so clearly my audio is working.

Ah there he is. If there’s no winner here then it’s a three way for the title. The time limit here is only 15 minutes so I’m not expecting much. 911 is on the floor with Heyman as it’s all Shane at this point. Sabu hits a spinning kick which is really just an elbow as the foot never gets close. That’s par for the course with him though so there we are. Five minutes in and this is one sided. The king of Bombay, Michigan works the right arm of all things and the fans want Funk.

Dang he really is cranking on that thing and it looks great. The arm work goes on for a very long time. Shane gets out with an FU of all things. Man Cena if you’re going to use the same moves at least don’t copy them. Dang dude. Ten minutes in and it’s not bad so far. Shane with a big boot? What the heck??? He’s not even tall enough for that but whatever.

We hit the floor with three minutes left. It’s pretty clear that Funk is going to be involved here. It’s not like that was a real secret or anything. Sabu gets a chair on the floor and it results in Shane being on a table. Good thing Sabu misses it completely and lands in the crowd. Sabu is more or less dead with 30 seconds left. For no apparent reason Shane doesn’t cover him and here’s Terry.

ECW Title: Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Ok so is this 60 minutes or are Shane and Sabu going 75? Sabu leaves, I guess with an injury and it’s Shane vs. Terry. Given that we have less than an hour in the tape and there are post match interviews, the whole thing is an hour but Funk only has to go 45. Ok then. Funk hits a piledriver on the floor but we can’t see all of it since it’s not on the camera side. To be fair the same thing happened at the end of the 94 Rumble so that’s a thing of the times and not ECW.

Funk hits a pair of DDTs in the ring (one like a football being spiked and one being like a basketball being bounced according to Joey). Terry wants a chair so about 6 people throw them in. They get piled up and Shane takes ANOTHER DDT on them. Seriously that’s all we’ve had from Funk so far: DDTs and a piledriver. Shane manages to beat Funk to his feet after that DDT which is odd.

Shane beats on Funk who now has a bad back it seems. This is moving REALLY slowly and nothing of note is happening. We had a long stretch of brawling in the audience and nothing of note happened. Douglas mixes things up with a DDT of his own. How innovative! All Shane here as Funk is busted open. The referee goes down at some point and this is literally putting me to sleep.

They slug it out for a bit and then head into the crowd. We’re 30 minutes in here and are in the crowd. This has been far from great like it’s built up to be. For some reason the arena looks like it’s full of smoke. So yeah the whole one hour three way dance thing is pretty much nonsense. Ah here’s Sabu FINALLY after being gone about fifteen minutes. Funk comes up towards the announce table and steals a mic, Joey’s in this case, thinking he’s yelling at the crowd and therefore the guys in the ring. The problem is that he’s yelling into Joey’s mic so only the people watching the tape can hear him. Brilliant.

We’re thirty five minutes in and Sabu is in a spinning toehold. 911 comes in and lets Heyman hit Funk with the phone (it’s Paul E. Dangerously but you get the idea). Terry gets a neckbreaker on the guy whose neck would be broken by Benoit later on but Heyman saves again. The triple sleeper spot hits which is either creative or idiotic. I’m not sure why it would be idiotic but it has that feeling to it. Again, no idea why.

Now it’s basically who can get the longest leg lock on Sabu. Shane puts on a Figure Four, but remember that Ric Flair is a horrible man. We hit 40 minutes and Heyman saves Sabu again. Sabu botches the heck out of a springboard moonsault. Sherri is in the ring for no apparent reason. Axl and Ian Rotten come out to help Funk as Shane gets two on Sabu. Sabu botches a rana and Terry leaves. Yeah…..this whole triple threat has been a triple threat for about 3 minutes out of almost 45.

A springboard legdrop hits Shane in a clip from Rise and Fall of ECW. And here are the Rottens to beat up both guys again. This is making my head hurt. We’re 45 minutes in so I only have 15 minutes left. Joey says 15 minutes left in what match? So somehow we’ve gone from Terry Funk vs. Shane vs. Sabu to Shane/Sabu vs. the Rotten Brothers. Sabu fights the Rottens to the back and Shane is alone in the ring. He just stands there and here comes Sabu….oh never mind he has to fight one of the Rottens again first.

Funk comes back, as do Paul, 911 and Ian Rotten. And now there’s no one in the ring. Hat Guy is back by the concession areas and Funk vs. Shane spills outside. This must have been RIVETING for the live crowd with no video screens. And Funk beats up the referee. Joey tries not to laugh while asking why. With ten minutes left Shane and Terry are beating each other up and we now get the clock going again on how long can all three guys be in the ring for. So far out of 50 minutes I’d guess it’s about 9 minutes.

Sabu hits a top rope moonsault and Funk’s knee is hurt. Joey says the match was over 15-20 minutes ago. To quote him, what match? Shane vs. Terry? Shane vs. Sabu? Sabu/Shane vs. the Rottens? Terry vs. one of them? Sherri vs. the laws of time and gravity? The referee stays dead for the better part of ever. He must have been watching the match.

Five more minutes and the fans suddenly get that this is going to a draw. Another new match breaks out with Terry beating up Sherri. Four minutes left and nothing at all is happening. The bald Heyman is knocked out by Shane. Let’s see: Rottens, Sherri, 911, Heyman….yeah I think that’s all. We’ve only had five run-ins so far. Three minutes and we’re out of here (the clock is ticking and we’re in the clear).

Sherri’s boot gets used a lot as Joey makes me angry by saying this is like Piper vs. Valentine from 1983. The camera goes black for a minute and we have two minutes left. Funk beats up Heyman for no good reason. Less than a minute to go and the referee has now been out over ten minutes from a single headbutt. Can we get this guy some medical attention? Two near falls within the last five seconds and that’s it. The fans give them a standing ovation for absolutely no deserved reason. This was bad…..like very bad.

Rating: D+. Cue X and jmt to come in here and explain why I just hate ECW and will never get what it’s about. While that may be true, I know a bad match. This wasn’t horrible and there have been far worse matches, but for this to be considered a classic or even a very good match is a freaking joke. This “hour long triple threat” is more like a 15 minute triple threat, two fifteen minute singles matches, a 4 minute tag match and a bunch of standing around. Sabu was SPENT about half an hour into this and he just laid on the mat for most of the time. I was bored to death watching this because the longest stretch where they’re all in the arena is about 8 minutes long. I have no idea what the standing ovation was for as this was just way too long and while it’s not horrible, it’s definitely not anywhere close to as good as it’s made out to be.

We get what are apparently famous interviews afterwards from all three guys. Terry is crying and says he loves wrestling but doesn’t like what it’s becoming. He hates what WCW is now….despite him going back there for a PPV in like 4 months. He also doesn’t like WWF….where he would be again in a few years. He puts over the company and says how great it is etc. He respects Shane and Sabu.

Heyman and Sabu come in (after Gordon thanks the guys for coming in from out of state for the press conference) and Sabu has to be held back by the security guards. Heyman claims a conspiracy and is just awesomely slick here. This goes nowhere but is kind of funny.

Shane comes in and says he should be champion because he’s the only guy that was out there for the whole hour. He has a point there, although he does claim to have smashed Funk’s knee into obliticry. Yeah it’s not a real word but whatever. Shane is FURIOUS here and here comes Terry for the big emotional showdown. Shane keeps saying he’s great and Funk doesn’t want to be called an old man. Terry hands him the belt and says it’ll be a great day when he takes it back from Shane since he’s not an old man. Shane throws it back at him and here we go again. This was good to set up the eventual one on one showdown where Shane would get the title.

Overall Rating: F+. This is it? This is the major show that got ECW noticed? Why? The best match is the overrated beyond belief triple threat and that’s decent at best. Other than that there is NOTHING here. Actually that’s not true. The post main event segments with Terry and then Terry/Shane were indeed very good.

If you cut about 30 minutes (including the opening 15 minute prematch thing) from the main event and cut out the Rottens and all the guys being carried out, this goes WAY up and I could see it being considered good. This show just wasn’t interesting at all though and the triple threat is just far too long and not very good. ECW would get a lot better in about a year though, so something worked. I don’t get the hype here at all. Now where’s X to complain about this?