Summerslam 2014
Date: August 17, 2014
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

It’s the second biggest show of the year and much like last year, the main event seems to pretty much set in stone. Brock Lesnar is challenging John Cena for the World Title and I can’t see any real reason for Cena to keep the title. There’s always the chance of Rollins cashing in but it doesn’t seem like something that happens. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro

Rob takes him into the corner to start but gets thrown into the corner himself with pure power. Cesaro charges into a boot though and they head outside with Van Dam hitting a quick Rolling Thunder. Back in and Cesaro just throws Van Dam down as we take a break. We come back with Van Dam caught in a chinlock. A knee drop to Rob’s back gets two but Rob comes back with some clotheslines.

Rob gets two off the split legged moonsault before kicking Cesaro to the floor for an apron moonsault. Back in and the Five Star is broken up by a running uppercut but Rob breaks up a superplex. Another uppercut breaks up another Five Star attempt but once again Rob shoves him off. They do the sequence a third time until Rob finally gets off a cross body, only to jump into another uppercut. The Neutralizer is countered into a backdrop but Cesaro lands on his feet and levels Van Dam with a big boot for two. Not that it matters though as Rob kicks him in the face, setting up the Five Star for the pin at 7:56.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here but it’s good to see Rob get a win to reestablish his credibility. I guess they can rebuild Cesaro at some point in the future, though I feel like I’ve been saying that for months now. How in the world did he win a big match at Wrestlemania and fall all the way down here?

The show opens with Hulk Hogan coming out to hype up the WWE Network once again, talking about all the shows you can get for just $9.99. Nothing wrong with Hogan opening a show.

The opening video is played like a movie trailer (from Authority Pictures and Follow the Buzzard Films), playing up everyone’s nickname in a nice idea.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and talks about all the movies coming out on his way to the ring. He isn’t a talking turtle or robot, but even Drax the Destroyer would be intimidated by him. Tonight he’s going to turn Dolph Ziggler from a star to the WWE’s version of the Lakers. Feeling out process to start with Ziggler easily taking over on the champion, only to miss a charge in the corner.

A kick to the head gets two for the champion and we hit the chinlock. The fans tell Miz that he can’t wrestle so he nails a big boot to quiet them down a bit. There’s the running clothesline in the corner but Dolph blocks a top rope ax handle. A facebuster gets two for Ziggler but Miz avoids the Fameasser and tries to send Dolph outside. Ziggler skins the cat and fakes Miz out on a superkick into a small package for two. The Figure Four is easily countered and a superkick nails Miz in the face for another near fall.

Miz heads outside but gets sent into the barricade, only to slap on the Figure Four back inside. The hold stays on for a good while but Dolph finally makes it to the ropes. Ziggler gets back up and hits the Fameasser out of nowhere but it hurts the knee again, allowing Miz to hit a quick Skull Crushing Finale for two. Miz is stunned, allowing Dolph to hit a Zig Zag out of nowhere for the pin and the title at 8:00.

Rating: C. It wasn’t much of a match but I like the ending coming out of nowhere like that. You could see that the title was going to change as soon as Miz’s finishers didn’t work, but it was still a nice finish. Ziggler getting the title is a good thing as he’s needed a boost for a long time now. Granted he’ll probably lose while holding it over and over, though it’s still better than nothing.

We recap Brie vs. Stephanie/Megan on Raw.

Brie talks about being incarcerated on Monday and thinking about all the times Stephanie has insulted Bryan over the years or tortured Nikki week after week. She says Megan is lying and Brie isn’t going to let this chance slip through her fingers. Tonight she’s going to let the beast out.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Paige

Paige is challenging and these two have traded the title since the night after Wrestlemania. Paige recently turned heel and injured AJ so tonight is her chance for revenge. AJ won’t shake Paige’s hand to start but bites the fingers instead. She pulls at Paige’s hair, sending the British chick out to the floor. Back in and a ticked off Paige chokes on the ropes but AJ kicks her in the face.

Both girls head outside with Paige dropping her face first onto the barricade. Paige takes her back inside and drops I believe a piece of her own hair on AJ’s face. We hit the chinlock on the champion before AJ sends her out to the floor. A BIG top rope clothesline drops Paige again before a bad looking Shining Wizard gets two back inside. Paige kicks her in the face but AJ counters the Paige Turner into the Black Widow. Again Paige counters into Rampaige (fisherman’s DDT) for the clean pin and the title at 5:00.

Rating: B-. This is the physical match that the Divas have been looking for and it was worth the wait. These girls beat the tar out of each other and almost nothing missed the entire time. That Rampaige is a great looking finisher and gives Paige a third finishing move if she keeps the Paige Turner around. Good stuff as this solid rivalry continues.

Sting WWE2K15 video.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger

This is a Flag Match, meaning a regular match with the winner’s flag being displayed after the match. Lana talks about how unrealistic Hollywood is, because there will be no happy ending. Swagger comes out with a military escort and a presentation of the American flag. Rusev jumps Swagger before the bell so Swagger puts on the Patriot Lock. They’re finally separated but Lana says Rusev is too injured to wrestle. The referee says ring the bell and Swagger goes after him in the corner.

Rusev is sent outside but Swagger takes him back inside and hammers away. The Russian keeps running so Swagger runs him over with a clothesline on the floor. All Swagger so far. Back inside and the Vader Bomb is countered with a kick to Jack’s bad ribs. Rusev fires off some shoulders in the corner and puts on a bearhug. Jack can’t belly to belly suplex him and Rusev cannonballs down onto his back again.

Swagger fights back with a running clothesline and a big boot followed by the Vader Bomb for two. The superkick is countered into the Patriot Lock but Rusev quickly rolls out. A hard kick to the ribs has Rusev in trouble and a kick to the face sets up the Accolade. Rusev can’t stand on the bad ankle though so it’s a one legged Accolade instead. Jack rolls over into the Patriot Lock but Rusev rolls over and kicks at the ribs. A spinwheel kick to the shoulder drops Jack again and there’s a Warrior Splash, setting up the Accolade and Swagger is out at 8:53.

Rating: C+. Good match here with both guys bringing their harder games. Swagger looks good by not tapping out and the right guy wins. This should end the feud between the two though and hopefully sends Rusev after Sheamus and the US Title. Does anything else really make sense at this point?

Rusev nails Colter like a true villain would post match. The Russian national anthem is played and the flag is raised.

We recap Rollins vs. Ambrose. They were members of the Shield but Rollins turned on Ambrose and joined HHH. They were scheduled to fight last month, only to have a fight breaking out in the back beforehand. Therefore, Ambrose wanted a lumberjack match.

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

It’s a brawl to start with Dean getting the better of it. He stomps Rollins down in the corner and sends Seth outside. The lumberjacks do their job but Dean punches a few of them when he’s thrown outside. Back in and Ambrose is sent face first into the middle buckle and now the lumberjacks give him a beating. Rollins drops a knee for two but runs into a boot in the corner. Seth is able to tie him into the Tree of Woe before sending him to the apron.

Dean suplexes Rollins onto the lumberjacks, including sending Seth face first onto the announcers’ table. The lumberjacks have to break up the brawl on the floor until Dean backdrops Seth over the barricade and into the crowd. Dean dives onto a bunch of lumberjacks and then runs the announcers’ table to get at Seth, even taking out some more lumberjacks at the same time.

They brawl into the crowd as Kane comes out to yell at the lumberjacks for not doing their job. Dean tries to suplex Rollins over a barricade but they’re finally dragged back to the ring by the lumberjacks. Rollins beats up Sin Cara for no apparent reason and tries to leave, but an army is waiting for him at the entrance. They literally carry him back to the ring with Dean diving off the top to take everyone out in a big pile.

Dirty Deeds is countered into an enziguri, but it knocks Dean into the ropes for the Rebound Clothesline. Dean Curb Stomps Rollins (you read that right) but Kane comes in to break up the pin. Goldust of all people gets in Kane’s face and it breaks down into a huge brawl. The referee hasn’t called for the bell so the match is still going. Everyone is cleared out and Rollins hits Dean with the briefcase for the pin at 10:54.

Rating: B. It was awesome while it lasted but I could have gone for another seven or eight minutes. They kept this going very well and the lumberjacks were an interesting idea. There’s no way this is over and there’s a good chance this sets up a rematch for the briefcase, probably at Night of Champions.

We recap Wyatt vs. Jericho. Chris returned a few months back but was targeted by the Wyatts for reasons not entirely clear. Jericho won last month at Battleground but the feud isn’t over, setting up this rematch tonight.

Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt

The Family is barred from ringside. Jericho takes over with elbows and chops to start, followed by a springboard forearm to put Bray on the floor. Back in and a cross body gets two for the Canadian but Bray sends him out to the floor. Bray drives in knees to the ribs before taking Jericho inside again for some solid shots to the head. Jericho is sent shoulder first into the posts and throat first into the ropes for good measure.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Jericho scores with an enziguri. Bray runs him over with ease though and hits the backsplash for two. A dropkick takes Bray down again but he comes back with heavy right hands. Jericho, sporting a nasty bruise on his thigh, takes Bray down into the Walls but Bray is right next to the ropes. Wyatt rolls to the apron and is able to DDT Jericho onto the apron for two.

Now it’s Bray going up top but Jericho counters with a hurricanrana for two. Jericho dropskicks him down again but Bray spiders up. He shouts that he’s already dead but there’s the Codebreaker for two. Bray avoids a baseball slide and sends Jericho into the barricade with Sister Abigail. Back in and Sister Abigail is good for the pin at 12:18.

Rating: C. Another pretty good match here with the right ending for a change. Bray getting the pin without the Family interfering is a good sign for him and hopefully the start of something new. It wasn’t a great match or anything but it’s very refreshing to see Bray get a pin on pay per view for a change.

Bray says Jericho learned what it means to follow the buzzards. Singing ensues.

We recap Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon. This is a complicated story but it boils down to Stephanie being mad at Brie for embarrassing her when she was trying to get Daniel Bryan to forfeit the title. Brie quit instead and ruined Stephanie’s plans. Then Brie got her job back by threatening to sue Stephanie for slapping her and set up this match. Stephanie brought up something about Bryan cheating on Brie and the whole thing is WAY more complicated than it needs to be.

Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon

Stephanie is almost in a black superhero outfit. They slowly shove each other to start until Stephanie stomps away in the corner. Brie comes back with a YES Lock attempt to send Stephanie running outside, but she blocks Brie’s suicide dive with a forearm. Back in and a Hennig necksnap gets two on Brie as the announcers talk about how awesome Stephanie is. She stomps on Brie’s head and cranks on the arms as Brie looks mildly annoyed.

Brie finally kicks her in the face so Stephanie turns on the EVIL FACE, only to get caught by a Thesz Press. Some kicks in the ribs have Stephanie in trouble and a hair drag does the same. A middle rope missile dropkick gets two on McMahon and there are some HORRIBLE looking right hands.

Cue HHH for a distraction but Brie counters Stephanie’s Pedigree attempt into the YES Lock, but HHH pulls the referee to the floor. Brie kicks HHH down and starts a YES chant as Nikki is at ringside as well. Nikki comes in and stops Stephanie from leaving before turning on Brie as almost everyone expected her to. Nikki helps Stephanie up and a Pedigree gives her the pin at 11:05.

Rating: C+. Well you knew she wasn’t going to job. It’s on a bit of an adjusted scale but the match was shockingly good. That being said, it was NOWHERE near enough to justify the push its been receiving. All this to set up the Bellas fighting each other? They really think this is something people are going to be interested in? Dear goodness imagine the promos we’re going to have to sit through. The girls all looked good though.

JBL sums up the entire story: Nikki was fed up with having to deal with the problems Brie caused her. Unfortunately that doesn’t make a lot of sense as the people she joined were the ones beating her up the whole time, but that’s WWE for you.

Package on some guy that won a contest and got to go to the Performance Center and create a character: Mama’s Boy.

Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns

Orton is mad at Roman for costing him the chance to be #1 contender. Roman pops him in the jaw to start and follows up with a headbutt. Orton is sent to the floor and into the barricade but he reverses Reigns hard into the steps. Back in and Orton slams him head first onto the mat before stomping on Reigns’ hand. A big superplex gets two for Randy and we hit the chinlock.

Roman fights up into a chinlock of his own but Orton falls back to break it up. Reigns grabs it again and squeezes very hard, only to get caught in a side slam for two. Back up and Reigns nails a Samoan drop before winning a slugout. Some running clotheslines have Orton in trouble and there’s the apron kick. Reigns is reversed into the post and barricade for two though and the fight goes back outside.

Randy throws him over the announcers’ table but gets caught by a Stunner over the ropes. Orton fights out of a superplex attempt but Roman muscles him up into a top rope Samoan drop for two. There’s the Superman Punch but the spear is countered into a very fast powerslam for a near fall. The RKO is countered but Reigns dives into a second attempt, only to kick out at a VERY close two. I bought that as a finish for a second there. Orton misses the Punt and walks into the spear for the pin at 16:41.

Rating: C. The match was good but not really good if that makes sense. The fact that Reigns was the obvious winner didn’t help, but at least the match was good on the way to the ending. Reigns kicking out of the RKO is a big moment for him as his rise to the top of the company continues. This was by far his biggest win to date.

Summerslam is in New Jersey next year.

We recap Lesnar vs. Cena. There isn’t much to say about this one. Cena beat Lesnar at Extreme Rules 2012 but Brock came back by conquering the Streak. Tonight is Lesnar’s chance at the title.

WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

Cena is defending and charges right at Lesnar, only to get taken to the mat and pounded. Lesnar fights up and hits an F5 for two in less than thirty seconds. Brock: “THAT WAS YOUR CHANCE JOHN!” A wicked release German suplex sends Cena flying as this is starting like the first Cena vs. Lesnar match. Another one sends Cena across the ring and John is coughing. Brock hammers on him even more and just stares at Cena.

John drives him into the corner and hammers away but a single knee to the ribs puts him back down. Lesnar cranks on a chinlock and slams him head first into the mat as this is totally one sided. He stands on Cena’s hand before throwing him around with more German suplexes. The referee is looking at Cena like he wants to stop it but Cena waves him off. Lesnar hits his fifth or so German as Cena is looking like a ragdoll. The referee keeps checking so Brock suplexes Cena again.

Brock loads up another but Cena fights out with elbows and some clotheslines, only to charge into the F5. Cena escapes and hits a quick AA for two. Brock is down though and Cena has a chance to get a breather. Cena can’t follow up so Lesnar does the Undertaker sit up and smiles at Cena. He even dances a bit and tells Cena to bring it on. Cena gets up and charges at him but gets pounded on the mat UFC style. The referee tells Brock to get off and Cena can barely move. Now it’s rolling Germans and Cena isn’t moving.

Lesnar lets him get back to his senses before rolling even more Germans. This is probably about fifteen total now. Charles Robinson won’t call it off as some idiot fans say this is boring. Brock yells at the referee but Cena trips the leg and puts on the STF. There’s no strength though and Brock just unloads on him. Another F5 gives Brock the Title at 16:07.

Rating: A-. This was a squash. Lesnar demolished Cena and that’s exactly how the announcers are playing it up. This is the killer that Lesnar is supposed to be and the match was total dominance. I have no idea who beats Lesnar but whoever it is will get the rub of a lifetime. Awesome match though not quite as great as the 2012 version.

Overall Rating: A. It never ceases to amaze me how WWE TV can be so horribly dull at times but their PPVs have been on fire this year. Off the top of my head there might have been one show this year that wasn’t somewhere between good and great. This one is on the high end though as nothing was bad and the main event was a sight to behold. Totally awesome show with everyone looking great and setting a really good standard for the coming months. Excellent show.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 2021
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Jimmy Smith

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means it is time for the big final push towards Goldberg vs. Bobby Lashley. That’s the big focal point of this show, no matter how uninteresting it might be. Maybe they can come up with something to set up their three minute match on Saturday. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video looks at Randy Orton returning last week and attacking Riddle to end the show.

Here is Randy Orton to open things up. Orton talks about how he does not need fans but has to stop for the RKO chants. This is still his world and tonight he promises to take Omos out with the RK…..and here is Riddle to cut him off before the O. Riddle thinks that Orton was trying to teach him something last week.

Orton isn’t sure what that means, but Riddle says that he gave him the RKO last week to show Riddle how it is really done. As Orton tries not to strangle Riddle, the offer to reform RKBro is tossed out again. Cue AJ Styles and Omos, with AJ saying how about RK NO! Tonight, no one is saving Orton from Omos but that’s not enough for AJ. He wants to face Riddle right now, so Riddle, calling AJ Skipper, accepts.

AJ Styles vs. Riddle

Omos stays at ringside but Randy Orton turns his back and walks away. Hold on though as he stops on the stage as AJ grabs an early suplex. Riddle takes AJ back though and hits the quick backsplash, only to have Styles come back with an abdominal stretch. With that not working, it’s time to work on the leg but Riddle grabs a triangle over the ropes.

Styles gets pulled outside for a crash and the apron kick puts Styles down again. There’s the springboard flip dive and we take a break. Back with Riddle grabbing a German suplex for two but another backsplash is countered into the Calf Crusher. Riddle makes the rope and knocks AJ down again. The Floating Bro is loaded up but Omos offers a distraction, allowing AJ to take the leg out. The Styles Clash finishes Riddle at 10:57.

Rating: B-. Rather good match here with the story being told as it should have been. The idea of Riddle being in over his head but never giving up despite being in over his head is a good story. Now just go with whatever you want for the payoff, and either option could go just fine. The action itself was good too and that’s a nice way to open the show.

Nikki Ash talks about how the outfit makes her feel confident and when you believe in yourself, you can be almost a superhero. She is so confident that she knows she can retain the title at Summerslam. These promos are getting more and more insufferable every week. As goofy as it was, just go full Hurricane with it and have some fun. This “ALMOST” a superhero deal having to be explained every week is getting worse and worse. Stop trying to have some brilliant concept and do what has worked before.

Riddle says he never gave up on RKBro, but now he’s just sad.

Nikki Ash vs. Rhea Ripley

Non-title and hold on though as here is Charlotte to join commentary. Ripley starts fast with a quick toss to send Nikki flying. Back up and Nikki sends Rhea outside, setting up the big dive off the apron as we take a break. We come back with Rhea hitting a delayed vertical suplex but missing a charge into the corner. A tornado DDT gets two on Ripley but she is right back with a suplex. The Riptide plants Nikki for the pin at 8:26.

Rating: D+. Another week, another chance for Nikki to be the most pathetic face on the roster. Ripley should be beating her but Nikki shouldn’t be the champion at this point so there was no way around this. I cannot wait for this deal to be over so we can move on to whatever else they have, as bad as it might be. Just get Nikki out of this stuff already because it isn’t working, at least as it is being presented.

The big brawl is on post match with Nikki kicking Charlotte to the floor.

Jinder Mahal tells Veer and Shanky to get this right, because he has given them a great opportunity. Now get rid of Drew McIntyre and his sword.

Video on Bobby Lashley.

MVP orders supper for Lashley and isn’t worried about tonight’s face to face with Goldberg.

Veer/Shanky vs. Drew McIntyre

Jinder Mahal is here too. McIntyre punches Veer into the corner to start so it’s off to Shanky to take over. The big elbow from Veer sets up the chinlock, causing McIntyre to fight back up and take over. There’s the neckbreaker to Veer and a Michinoku Driver to Shanky, setting up the Futureshock. The Claymore finishes Shanky at 3:33.

Rating: D+. I’m sure this will set up some big showdown at Summerslam where Mahal gets the win because of the sword somehow, meaning it’s time to set up a bunch of rematches. I still have no idea why this is supposed to be some hot feud, but McIntyre has a sword named Angela. That might not be interesting, but it is certainly a thing that is happening.

Post match Veer goes after the sword but McIntyre takes it away and has a message from Shanky: he wishes he could be as amazing/sexy as McIntyre and has seen the error of his ways. Now Shanky wants McIntyre to win at Summerslam. McIntyre promises to destroy Mahal and we get a quick audience poll supporting the idea.

Charlotte wants revenge for Summerslam so she can find a partner for a tag match against Nikki Ash and Rhea Ripley tonight.

We get what looks to be the same “Elias Is Dead” vignette from last week.

It’s time for, I kid you not, MoistTV, with John Morrison bringing out the Miz for answers about his suddenly fine knee. Morrison asks about Miz’s favorite movie, which is every time he was in the Marine. When asked if he was really hurt, Miz goes into a bit about how he would never lie to you.

Cue Damian Priest to call Miz a liar (in Spanish) and promise to win the US Title at Summerslam. Miz goes on a rant about how this is his first injury and lets it slip that he has been cleared for weeks. Morrison isn’t happy and Priest talks about Miz running off last week. As Miz goes on, Morrison asks why he wasn’t told about Miz being healthy. The solution is clear: Miz vs. Priest tonight, which works for Priest. It works for him so well that he shoves Miz in the kid’s pool (because there is a kid’s pool).

Damian Priest vs. The Miz

Sheamus comes out to join commentary and Miz is in street clothes. Miz starts fast and actually hits the top rope ax handle but Priest punches him in the leg. Priest charges into a boot but Morrison won’t give him the Drip Stick. Instead, Priest gives him a hard clothesline and it’s a Brogue Kick to finish Miz at 2:40.

Post match, Sheamus shouts about this being his title. No one is ever going to take it from him, especially Priest. Sheamus does have a broken face but after Summerslam, Priest will have a bleeding head.

We look at Doudrop being scared by Lillie winking at her, giving Alexa Bliss a win.

Eva Marie doesn’t want to hear it and thinks they should go to the playground. By that, she means bring her Lillie.

Alexa Bliss plays with Lillie.

John Morrison and Miz agree that things are ok, all while New Day plugs their shirts behind them. Miz and Morrison have a very wet idea for Summerslam.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground with Alexa Bliss pushing a Lillie dating show. Doudrop comes in and tries to steal Lillie, stops and stares at her, and hands her back to Bliss before walking away. Bliss: “See you at Summerslam!”

Mace vs. Mansoor

T-Bar and Mustafa Ali are here too. Mace hammers away to start but misses an elbow, allowing Mansoor to make the comeback. The sidekick misses for Mace but he shoves off a Dudley Dog attempt. Mace counters a sunset flip in the corner so Ali dropkicks him down, giving Mansoor the pin at 1:57.

AJ Styles and Omos are ready to destroy RKBro.

Randy Orton vs. Omos

An early RKO attempt doesn’t work and Orton has to try something else. Right hands in the corner don’t work either as Omos throws him down and grabs the neck crank. Orton fights up to knock him into the corner but Omos knees him in the ribs. A missed charge lets Orton fail at the RKO again, with the shove sending him outside this time. AJ goes after Orton on the floor and that’s good for a DQ at 3:38.

Rating: C-. That’s about all you can do here as you don’t want Omos to lose but you don’t want him beating someone of Orton’s caliber right before a title shot either. The reason for the DQ was kind of lame but it was the right way to go with a match like this one. It’s also smart to leave Omos in there for a short burst instead of a long match, as he just isn’t ready for anything beyond that yet.

Post match, Omos tosses Orton over the barricade with ease. AJ loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but Riddle runs in for the save, including a dropkick through the ropes to take Omos down. AJ gets kneed in the face so Omos carries him away. That leaves Riddle to help Orton up, leaving Orton to say respect is earned. He respected Riddle at one point but that does not mean he respects him today. After everything he has done in the last week though, Riddle has earned his respect. RKBro is BACK and Riddle is so happy that he throws out the title challenge for Summerslam.

We recap Jeff Hardy vs. Karrion Kross.

Jeff Hardy has spoken to his higher power and got the wrong answer. He’s bringing everything against Kross tonight….and here is Kross to jump Hardy.

Karrion Kross vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title and Hardy starts fast…..but gets pulled into the Krossjacket for the tap at 42 seconds.

Eva Marie isn’t happy with Doudrop for failing to get Lillie so it’s a pair of slaps to the face. Doudrop is so angry that she stands that glaring as Eva leaves.

Earlier today, Reggie went to the park and talks about how he learned to do his flips and tricks here. R-Truth, in a grass costume, and Akira Tozawa run up for the chase and fail miserably. Reggie flips over the top of the car (Reggie: “Too easy.”) and drives off. Truth and Tozawa yell at each other.

Summerslam rundown.

Elias goes to his own grave. Elias is still dead.

Rhea Ripley/Nikki Ash vs. Charlotte/???

The partner is Nia Jax, who laughs at Nikki for trying to take her down. The power game has Nikki down in a hurry instead and the villains take over. Charlotte comes in for a big boot on the floor to send us to a break. We come back with Nikki hitting a bulldog out of the corner, allowing the hot tag off to Ripley. Everything breaks down and Ripley gets Samoan dropped. The Banzai Drop is loaded up but Charlotte tags herself in, knocks Nikki down, and hits Natural Selection for the pin at 7:28.

Rating: D+. Another match where Nikki is basically an afterthought, because that’s all she is in the division. Ripley isn’t that much better, and now it seems that we might be heading for Charlotte vs. Jax down the line. I’ve given up hope in this division and the title match on Saturday isn’t exactly making that any better.

AJ Styles is ready to destroy Riddle and Randy Orton.

Here is Goldberg for the face to face with Bobby Lashley, but first of all, he gets to talk, because GOLDBERG is so known for his verbal dominance. Goldberg brings up MVP and Lashley talking about fatherhood, which brings Goldberg to his son Gage. It’s true that Gage can see videos of Goldberg wrestling, but Goldberg wants him to see it in person (Haven’t we heard him say that like FIVE TIMES NOW?).

Lashley and MVP come out with MVP saying Goldberg has been talking a lot lately. Lashley gets in the ring and says this is his house and the house always wins. Goldberg calls that BS and spears him before posing with his son (who seems to have his high school football team with him) to end the show. This was as bad as everything else has been in this feud, because it is the same story they have told with Goldberg and his son before and it isn’t exactly interesting to hear Goldberg talk (or wrestle, but that’s a different problem).

Overall Rating: D-. I can’t call it a complete failure because some of the wrestling was good and the AJ/Omos vs. RKBro angle is working well (more on that later). The problem is everything else, as this show has some of the worst plot devices and storytelling I’ve ever seen. We have feuds based on someone being ALMOST a superhero, a sword, a water gun, a sentient doll, and someone’s son who needs to see his dad wrestle despite having seen his dad wrestle several times in his life.

That’s where everything falls apart on Raw: the stories are not good. It also doesn’t help that with those stories, we’re getting (in order): more Charlotte dominance, Jinder Mahal, Miz and John Morrison every week, Alexa Bliss and Lillie the Fiend and more Goldberg main events. This show was supposed to make me want to see Summerslam, meaning this is their best foot forward stuff. This is their BEST, making me scared of what it is going to be like when they aren’t trying to get me to give them money.

It’s also what makes the Tag Team Title feud stand out. As out there as Riddle is (and he’s out there), he’s displaying a human emotion. Riddle wants Orton to be his friend, Orton won’t do it, Riddle stays at it and gets what he wants through hard work. That is something people can relate to and that is what is lacking everywhere else on Raw. The rest of the characters and stories are not things people are going to relate to and it comes off more as WWE just doing whatever they feel like instead of putting on good material. That’s how we got in this situation and I have no idea how to get out of it. Another awful, horrible Raw.

Results
AJ Styles b. Riddle – Styles Clash
Rhea Ripley b. Nikki Ash – Riptide
Drew McIntyre b. Veer/Shanky – Claymore to Shanky
Damian Priest b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Mansoor b. Mace – Sunset flip
Randy Orton b. Omos via DQ when AJ Styles interfered
Karrion Kross b. Jeff Hardy – Krossjacket choke
Charlotte/Nia Jax b. Rhea Ripley/Nikki Ash – Natural Selection to Ripley

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 12, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves

We are finally, and I do mean finally, coming to the end of the Thunderdome and that means a taped go home show for Money in the Bank. The card is mostly set, at least on the Raw side, but it is time to build some serious momentum for the show’s namesake matches. Maybe Nikki Cross can even take another pin. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Paul Orndorff. That one hurts.

We open with a long recap of Big E. vs. Kofi Kingston, including last week with the New Day beating Lashley and MVP.

MVP gives Bobby Lashley a pep talk.

Xavier Woods vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title with Kofi Kingston/MVP at ringside. I’m really not sure what it means to have a Cell match two weeks ago, then a tag match, and now a regular match. It’s almost like they might want to come up with some fresh ideas to set up these programs. Lashley throws him into the corner to start but Woods takes the leg out. A step up backsplash gets two but seems to just annoy Lashley. They head outside with Lashley sending him hard into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Woods still in trouble but managing a superkick. A tornado DDT sends Lashley outside and there’s the big flip dive to take him out again. Back in and a missile dropkick puts Lashley down, followed by the Crossface to make it worse. That’s broken up so Lashley hits the huge spinebuster into the spinning Big Ending for no cover. Instead Lashley takes him outside for a hard ram into the post and the spear connects back inside. Lashley still doesn’t cover though….and gets small packaged for the pin at 10:19.

Rating: C. They did a nice job with the surprise as they kept teasing the idea of Lashley costing himself but I didn’t think they would actually have Woods pin him. It’s certainly an upset and while I’m not wild on a champion losing, I can live with the idea of one of the most decorated tag team wrestlers ever scoring a fluke pin when Lashley got too cocky. Just have Lashley smash Kingston and things should be fine.

Lashley stormed off during the break.

Post break, MVP says it’s not a big deal and Lashley had to blow off some steam. Lashley will be in the VIP Lounge later tonight.

We look back at Jinder Mahal and company stealing Drew McIntyre’s sword.

Mahal arrives on his motorcycle and is handed the sword.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground, with Bliss talking about how much fun she could have with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Eva Marie and Doudrop interrupt her, with Eva wanting to know when she’ll be asked a question. Alexa suggest Doudrop could win the briefcase and Eva storms off. Bliss doesn’t think much of them.

Here are Jinder Mahal and company with something, allegedly the sword, under a blanket. Mahal tells Drew McIntyre to come out here like a man and he can have his sword back. McIntyre pops up on screen instead, so Mahal pulls the blanket back to reveal the broken sword. That’s funny to McIntyre, because that’s a replica. The real thing is right here, just like Mahal’s real motorcycle is right here. McIntyre rips/smashes the motorcycle apart and Mahal panics.

Riddle runs into Nikki Ash, who he thinks should just fly up to grab the briefcase. This turns into a discussion of Riddle thinking he could fly into space but he was just at the mall.

Nikki Ash vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka vs. Naomi

Naomi sends Bliss into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs. Bliss is right back with a quick crossbody as Ash and Asuka come back in. Naomi and Asuka trade kicks to the face for a double knockdown and Bliss crawls back in to face Nikki. A double shot to the chest staggers Bliss but here are Eva Marie and Doudrop to watch. Bliss uses the distraction to DDT Asuka for two but it’s time to channel Doudrop. A scream scares Eva but Doudrop is back up to toss Bliss over the barricade. Eva goes over to look at her….and Bliss has disappeared as we take a break.

Back with Naomi stacking up Asuka and Ash for two. Asuka is sent outside and Naomi grabs her reverse Rings of Saturn. That’s broken up by Asuka’s kick to the back but Nikki breaks up Asuka’s cross armbreaker to Naomi. More rollups get two each until Naomi is sent outside, leaving Asuka to Asuka Lock Ash. This time it’s a reversal into a cradle to give Ash the pin at 13:02.

Rating: D+. This was your standard final week build to Money in the Bank match, meaning there was nothing of interest to see, including Bliss disappearing. I’m sure that will play into something later, but I can’t wait for the fans to be back so that hopefully they can cut it out with this stuff. Another messy match, as Asuka gets to take another fall.

The Viking Raiders don’t like being called smelly barbarians and are ready for AJ Styles and Omos tonight.

AJ Styles vs. Ivar

Before the match, AJ, with Omos, apologizes for calling the Vikings smelly. He should have called them hairy and various other mean things. Tonight Ivar is tapping to the Calf Crusher and then Omos is beating Erik in his first singles match. Ivar spins around to start and runs AJ over, but an early Omos distraction lets AJ get in a kick to the head. The moonsault into the reverse DDT gets two on Ivar but Ivar fights up with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. The low crossbody crushes AJ again and a big elbow to the face gives Ivar two. AJ scores with the Pele to send him into the corner but Ivar hits a seated senton for the quick pin at 3:43.

Rating: C-. Quite the upset here and Ivar winning actually is building momentum for a change. Pinning the one champion you might have a shot at beating is a good thing, though I don’t quite buy the Raiders as having any kind of a chance on Sunday at the moment. At least they threw us a bit of a curve for once.

Erik vs. Omos

Erik tries a waistlock to start and is thrown down in a hurry. Omos runs him over again but Erick slips off the shoulders and kicks at the leg. A bearhug has Erik in more trouble and Omos throws him into the corner without much trouble. Erik is right back with some running shots to the face to stagger the giant. That earns him a hard clothesline and Omos gets to shout a lot. The two handed chokeslam finishes Erik at 3:24.

Rating: C-. Two matches. One team’s representative won a match each. They combined to last a little over seven minutes. Oh and AJ Styles called them smelly. That is your build for a Tag Team Title match on pay per view. Again: maybe they need to come up with a better playbook for some of these programs. Omos did his usual giant stuff and it worked out rather well, as has tended to be his case.

We recap Humberto Carrillo injuring Sheamus’ nose, putting him out of action for six weeks.

Sheamus, in a protective mask, yells at Sonya Deville and Adam Pearce for making him defend the title tonight. They don’t seem to mind.

Lucha House Party and New Day share some nice compliments in the back. With the luchadors gone, Kofi Kingston is not surprised that Bobby Lashley will be back tonight for the VIP Lounge. Xavier Woods is a bit surprised, as Lashley already lost to the video game guy. Winning the WWE Title is not about the champagne and fame, but being a representative. After Sunday, Kofi gets to do that again.

Video on what Money in the Bank means for the winners. It’s like Rumble By The Numbers, but without the Rumble or Numbers.

Sheamus jumps Humberto Carrillo and leaves him laying.

Post break, Carrillo says he can go, even with Damian Priest asking if he is ok. Sonya Deville and Adam Pearce say they can postpone the match but Carrillo insists.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Humberto Carrillo

Sheamus is defending and wins with the Brogue Kick in 17 seconds. Carrillo is no Daniel Bryan.

Post match Sheamus comes back in to go after Carrillo again. Sheamus loads up a stomp to the face but Damian Priest runs in for the save.

We recap Ricochet vs. John Morrison over the last two weeks.

Riddle scooters up to Ricochet in the back and talks about how he is excited to go out west this weekend. He’s going to make spaghetti burritos and watch his favorite western movie: Toy Story 2. Riddle likes it when the cowboy finds a snake in his boot, not that Randy Orton is a snake in his boot. Ricochet was talking about the briefcase but Riddle thinks he and Orton can cash it in on the Tag Team Titles. John Morrison and Miz show up with Drip Sticks before running over Riddle’s foot.

John Morrison vs. Ricochet

Falls Count Anywhere and Miz is here with Morrison. Ricochet gets sent into the ropes to start and a neckbreaker over the ropes gives Morrison two outside. Miz uses his wheelchair to give Morrison two more and they head back inside. Morrison starts to go up but gets caught in a bridging German suplex for two. They head outside again with Morrison planting him for two, followed by a trip over the barricade.

Ricochet rams Morrison into the video fans and they climb onto the barricade. A slip sends Morrison down and Ricochet busts out a 450 off of said barricade for two. Back in and Morrison rolls away from the threat of a springboard, allowing Ricochet to hit a shooting star forearm to the head in a big crash.

We take a break and come back with a ladder now bridged between the ring and the announcers’ table. Ricochet jumps over it to hit a forearm to drop Morrison for two. Morrison bails over to the other side, where he hides behind Miz’s wheelchair. That’s fine with Ricochet, who hits a big flip dive to take Morrison down for two more. They fight up to the stage where Ricochet gets two more and they head backstage. Morrison scores with a superkick and a running knee to the face for two and it’s back to the stage.

This time Ricochet knocks Morrison down the ramp but then stops to shove Miz’s wheelchair down the ramp. The distraction lets Ricochet run Morrison over for two, followed by a kick to the face back inside. The Drip Stick distracts Ricochet again though and Morrison grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for two. Morrison’s Moonlight Drive gets two but here is Riddle to turn Miz over in his wheelchair, leaving Miz on his back. Morrison springboards into the Recoil but Ricochet can’t cover. Instead he puts Morrison on the bridged ladder for a huge splash and the pin at 16:01.

Rating: B-. This was rather eventful and Riddle making his third appearance of the night was a bit much. The good thing is that Ricochet got a win, even if it means nothing going into Sunday. Ricochet is someone who can thrive in a match like this and Morrison, despite being a bit up there in years compared to his heyday, can hang with him almost every step. Fun match, even if Riddle didn’t need to be out there.

Tamina and Natalya are ready for Money in the Bank as Natalya wants to hold the title and the briefcase at the same time. Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke come up to call Natalya a fool. Threats are made and Dana has to be held back.

We recap Drew McIntyre breaking Jinder Mahal’s motorcycle.

Drew McIntyre’s history lesson of the week is about Icarus, who is going to fly towards the sun, which is the Money in the Bank briefcase. His wings are going to be made of Grade A Scottish beef and nothing is stopping him from becoming Mr. Money In The Bank.

Money in the Bank rundown.

We recap Rhea Ripley and Charlotte’s battle of the crutches last week.

Rhea Ripley is ready for Charlotte on Sunday.

Rhea Ripley vs. Natalya

Non-title and Tamina is here too. They go with the grappling to start and Natalya grabs some rollups for two each. Rhea takes her outside and hits a quick dropkick to Tamina as we take an early break. Back with Natalya being knocked off the top, allowing Rhea to hit a good looking missile dropkick.

A bridging northern lights suplex gets two but Shea gets sent into the corner with her head hitting the post. Natalya powerbombs her out of the corner for two but the Sharpshooter is blocked. Natalya tries it again and is reversed into the Prism Trap. With that broken up, Natalya finally gets the Sharpshooter, only to be rolled into the corner for the break. Riptide gives Ripley the pin at 9:28.

Rating: C. This is where Natalya keeps her job: she can have a fine match with just about anyone on the roster and is completely dependable. As long as you keep her away from any microphone, character stuff or storyline, she is a rather valuable member of the roster. Good stuff here, as Ripley broke a sweat but won in the end.

Post match, Charlotte comes in to chop block Rhea and the Figure Four over the apron makes Ripley scream.

MVP preps the ladies for the VIP Lounge.

Charlotte promises to win the title.

It’s time for the VIP Lounge with a bouncing MVP saying this should be the Lashley Dome. Next week we are back on the road (which the fake fans appreciate) so here is Lashley….or at least MVP introducing him. Eventually cue a slightly disheveled Lashley to ask the women to leave. He doesn’t like what happened earlier and from now on, it is time to be serious again.

Lashley destroys the entire set, including throwing the love seat out with no trouble. Sunday is the end of Kofi Kingston, as Lashley is going to take care of him like he should have done a long time ago. Lashley leaves and MVP looks scared to end the show. This was straight fire from Lashley and one of his best promos ever.

Overall Rating: C-. This was more what I was worried about for the Money in the Bank build. It wasn’t a very interesting show and almost nothing on here was worth seeing. Instead, you got a bunch of people “building momentum”, whatever that is worth and talking, some of which was a bit better than the rest. It’s a show you really did not need to watch, though some highlights (Ricochet vs. Morrison, Lashley’s promo and maybe some Riddle shenanigans) could be a good option.

So that’s it for the Thunderdome. It was nice while it lasted but it did overstay its welcome. That being said, it was such a huge upgrade over the Performance Center that it was absolutely worth looking at all of these fake seats. Above all else, it felt like you were watching an episode of Raw without fans rather than watching a show from a closet, which made all the difference.

Results
Xavier Woods b. Bobby Lashley – Small package
Nikki Ash b. Asuka, Naomi and Alexa Bliss – Rollup to Asuka
Ivar b. AJ Styles – Seated senton
Omos b. Erik – Two handed chokeslam
Sheamus b. Humberto Carrillo – Brogue Kick
Ricochet b. John Morrison – 450 onto a ladder
Rhea Ripley b. Natalya – Riptide

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 7, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We’re less than two weeks away from Hell In A Cell and that means it is time to start finishing up the build. This includes a contract signing between Bobby Lashley and Drew McIntyre, which is a trope we haven’t seen in at least a few weeks. Other than that, Shayna Baszler continues her issues with an evil doll. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

A bunch of tag teams (and Lince Dorado, as Gran Metalik is injured) are in the ring for a #1 contenders battle royal. With that being so serious, cue AJ Styles and Omos to watch. AJ talks about how WWE is going to be back on the road next month and they are going to defend the titles against the best Raw has to offer. AJ: “And uh, WOW!”

We hear about how AJ and Omos could take care of all of the teams (or just Lince Dorado, as Gran Metalik is injured), save for RKBro. AJ talks about how great Orton is but Omos uses various adjectives to describe how great they are. New Day doesn’t think much of it and Riddle talks about wearing two snake shirts. One is designed by his Uncle Ron because he used to have a snake named Mr. Slithers…..so Orton tells him to zip it.

The invisible key is put in his boot so AJ asks if anyone else has anything to say. Cue Miz and John Morrison with the former in a wheelchair to say the tag division has gotten boring. Not to worry though, as Morrison is going to wrestle on his own. Morrison wheels Miz to the ring but stops to pose and lets Miz slide down the ramp in a funny bit.

Tag Team Battle Royal

RKBro, New Day, Viking Raiders, Mace/T-Bar, Lince Dorado, John Morrison

Both members have to be eliminated. Before the bell, Orton hits an RKO to both members of New Day and Dorado to send us to a break. We come back with….a look at Bobby Lashley and MVP with their women in the back and an ad for the contract signing. Back in the arena, we get the opening bell, meaning the three RKO’s had pretty much no impact. Dorado has to save himself to start and Morrison is sent over the top but hooks his feet in the ropes for the save.

Miz throws him the Drip Stick to spray Dorado and get rid of him in a hurry. Mace and T-Bar aren’t as vulnerable to the stick as they get rid of Morrison in a hurry. A double chokeslam plants New Day but Riddle saves Orton from being tossed. We get the Viking Raiders vs. Mace/T-Bar showdown but New Day jumps both of them and Mace/T-Bar are tossed. Back from a break with New Day, the Raiders and RKBro still in and Riddle kicking away at the Raiders.

The German suplex/springboard clothesline combination is enough to get rid of Riddle so New Day unloads on Ivar. Erik is back up to clothesline Woods out and the shotgun knees put Kingston into the corner. Ivar is driven into Kofi in the corner but Orton is back up to go after both Vikings. Erik tries to slam Ivar onto Orton but Kofi comes off the top with a double stomp to the back to break it up. Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise…..and Riddle comes in to take the shot instead of Orton. The distraction lets Orton throw out Kofi and the Vikings toss Orton for the win at 10:31.

Rating: D+. The ending was a nice surprise but it’s a bad sign that your tag division is so thin that you can have two singles wrestlers and four teams with the champs (and their less than five matches together ever) involved in the same match. Miz was right when he said it was dry, but that has been the case for years now. They aren’t going to fix it, but at least the Raiders getting a shot is something new.

We look at Nikki Cross surviving two minutes last week, which somehow counts as a win.

Charlotte comes up to Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville and asks for the loss to be removed from her record. That won’t happen, but Charlotte can have a rematch. Rhea Ripley comes up to say she wants one of her now it’s going to be a tag match with the two of them teaming up against Cross and a partner of her choosing. Charlotte says she can be professional about this and Rhea…stands there as we go to a break. This is one of the dumbest things going in WWE today and that is covering a lot of ground.

The Raiders are happy with their win and want to go get dinner. AJ Styles and Omos, carrying a turkey leg, come in to say the Raiders are wannabe Vikings. The champs mock the Raiders’ vikingness and Omos eats some turkey.

We recap Alexa Bliss going all evil and insane, allegedly thanks to the Fiend but really thanks to Lily. This has been another stupid Raw story.

Here is Elias to talk about how much Jaxson Ryker has hurt things. We see Elias turning on him last week because Ryker had the ghosts of war in his eyes. Elias hits his catchphrase but here is Ryker from behind (now with shorter hair and American flag trunks) to take him out. Referees break it up but worry not because we’re still getting that sweet Elias vs. Ryker action.

Elias vs. Jaxson Ryker

Ryker jumps him to start, with Smith saying that both of them are going to war. The beatdown is on with Elias being knocked outside. Back in and Elias gets in a few shots of his own but Ryker runs him over again. The spinebuster is enough to send Elias running off for the countout at 2:03. Ryker as a face with the military stuff is going to be really, really hard to take.

We look back at Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston from last week with McIntyre becoming #1 contender to Bobby Lashley.

It’s time for the contract signing for the title match. Well in theory at least, as there is no Lashley. McIntyre talks about how he isn’t waiting because he knows how this is going to go. Yeah he has had a bunch of title shots (er, championship opportunities) and they remind him of a story from when he was a kid. He remembers the story of a Scottish King called Robert the Bruce who was once stuck in a cave for three months.

There was a spider on the roof of the cage and it never could put together a web. Finally he made it work and that inspired Bruce to go to battle one more time and he won Scotland’s freedom. There is a famous quote that Bruce said before the battle, and McIntyre is going to paraphrase it: “If at first you don’t succeed, beat Lashley’s a** at Hell in a Cell and get your championship back!”. McIntyre goes to sign but here are MVP, Lashley and the women to interrupt.

MVP asks what Lashley’s reward will be for not interfering last week. Maybe this should be McIntyre’s FINAL shot at the title, with McIntyre immediately accepting. However, he has something he wants to: no interference, no excuses, and inside the Cell. McIntyre signs and Lashley talks about how the real ending to the story is McIntyre tucking his kilt in shame and walking away.

Lashley signs as well so McIntyre talks about falling off the Cell before and being willing to go and do it again to win his title back. Everything seems to be set….so McIntyre whips out a sword and breaks the table. Well that escalated quickly. What didn’t happen quickly was the start of this segment, because NOTHING on this show can happen without five plus minutes of talking first.

Nikki Cross is excited about her success as of late and she has a partner for tonight. She even has a superhero cape and it’s…..Asuka. Sure why not.

Ricochet vs. Humberto Carrillo

The winner gets a future US Title shot against Sheamus, who is sitting at ringside with his broken nose. Before the match (of course), Sheamus complains about his injury and how this isn’t fair so Carrillo teases kicking him in the face. Ricochet knocks Carrillo outside and we go to a break before the bell. Joined in progress with Ricochet hammering away in the corner and Sheamus on commentary.

They forearm it out as Sheamus complains about his good looks being ruined. A powerbomb gives Carrillo two and they head to the apron, with Carrillo knocking him to the floor. Carrillo hits the big suicide dive but Ricochet is back with a kick to the face back inside. They head to the apron again for a chop off until Carrillo snaps off a Spanish Fly out to the floor for a double knockdown…and a double countout at 5:03.

Rating: C+. I was trying to praise this story as a way to get some people involved who have been siting around on Main Event for too long and then they do this. They’re going to do a triple threat at the pay per view and they have the pieces in place. So why do we need to have a second countout in less than an hour? Just make the match you know you’re going to make and stop dragging it out every chance you have. Why is that so complicated?

MVP comes up to New Day in the back and says Kofi Kingston impressed him last week. Two years ago, MVP was in tears when Kofi won the WWE Title and brings up the Deep South Wrestling days. MVP talks about how Kofimania ended with a whimper and this is still a business. Kofi doesn’t want to hear it because this isn’t about money. This is about inspiring people while Lashley fights for money. MVP: “Lashley fights for the WWE Championship.” MVP leaves and Kofi seems to be thinking about thinking about something.

The Eva-lution is here next week.

Mansoor is getting ready for his match with Drew Gulak when Mustafa Ali comes up. Ali laughs off the idea that Mansoor is ready, which he insists he is. Ali asks what Mansoor is going to do when Gulak pokes him in the eye or cheats. Uh, the same stuff he’s done in the 14 times he’s beaten Gulak on Main Event?

Jeff Hardy doesn’t like Cedric Alexander being disrespectful.

Jeff Hardy vs. Cedric Alexander

Hardy starts fast as commentary explains the difference between Hardy and Shelton Benjamin: Shelton will throw you through a wall to win a match but Hardy will throw himself through a wall to end a match. Have commentary say more things like that than the nonsense they usually say. Cedric hits a dropkick and sends Hardy into the corner, setting up a boot rub to the face.

Hardy manages to kick him out to the floor but Cedric is back in to cut off a dive. The chinlock goes on but Hardy fights up and manages a headscissors out of the corner. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Cedric hits a quick suplex for two. Alexander goes up and mocks Hardy’s pose, allowing Hardy to catch him with the Twist of Fate. The Swanton finishes Cedric at 6:03.

Rating: C. These are two guys from North Carolina who had a match on Raw. I’m not sure what else there is to say here, though the old vs. new idea worked well enough. Cedric is another guy who could be a little something but here he is losing to Jeff Hardy in 2021. Maybe we get a rematch down the line to give us some 50/50 booking, but you never can tell with these people.

Hardy mocks Cedric post match.

Charlotte tells Rhea Ripley to follow her lead but Ripley sees it differently.

Nikki Cross/Asuka vs. Charlotte/Rhea Ripley

Charlotte lets Rhea start so she can take Cross down, followed by a quick tag to Asuka. A headbutt rocks Asuka but she is right back with the Black Widow, which is broken up just as fast. Charlotte comes in for a slam and cartwheels her way out of a wristlock. Rhea gets knocked outside though and Charlotte goes out to mock her. They get in a fight of their own and we take a break. Back with Ripley hitting Cross in the head as Charlotte continues to yell from the apron.

Charlotte comes in to kick away at Cross and we hit the chinlock. It’s back to Ripley to wave at Charlotte during a delayed vertical suplex for two. Cross misses an enziguri so Charlotte picks her up, with Cross’ feet knocking Ripley to the floor. Ripley comes back in but gets bulldogged down, allowing the hot tag to Asuka. A running knee gets two on Rhea and Cross’ middle rope crossbody gets the same, with Charlotte making the save. The Rhea vs. Charlotte fight is on (because EVERY MATCH LIKE THIS ENDS THE SAME WAY) and Charlotte hits Natural Selection on Rhea. Cross comes in to steal the pin at 14:22.

Rating: D. I lost track of the amount of heavy sighs during this match because it wasn’t about being entertaining. This was about spending as much time as they could setting up the most obvious ending in the world. Anyone who has ever watched wrestling knew how that was going to end and they took almost fifteen minutes to get there. Cross isn’t getting anything out of this, but at least Ripley got to take ANOTHER fall while Charlotte looks like the smartest person in the division.

Asuka and Cross dance on the announcers’ table to celebrate.

Alexa Bliss says Shayna Baszler is wrong about Lily. Tonight, the Playground is going to be a scream.

Mansoor vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak wastes no time in taking him down to start. That means something like a half crab but Mansoor fights up to grab a rollup. Gulak does the same and tries grabbing the tights, only to have Mansoor reverse into one of his own for the pin at 2:24.

Randy Orton hands Riddle the key to his mouth and it turns into a commercial for Burger King. Riddle goes too far with the ideas though and Orton locks his mouth again. Then Orton drops the key in the trash.

Riddle vs. Kofi Kingston

Xavier Woods is at ringside as Riddle throws Kingston around to start. The Broton gets two and it’s time for Woods to play the trombone. Riddle: “Not now Bro!” Kofi fires off the chops and here is Randy Orton, with Kofi dropkicking him through the ropes to save Woods. A dropkick sends Riddle outside and Woods starts playing the trombone again. Orton drops him onto the announcers’ table so Kofi dives onto Orton and Riddle as we take a break.

Back with Riddle hitting the running forearms in the corner and a PK drops Kingston again. Kingston is back up and tries the run the corner into a spinning hurricanrana but can’t quite finish it because that’s kind of a nutty move. The slingshot Vader Bomb gets two and the top rope splash to the standing Riddle’s back connects for the same.

Riddle sends him outside and then knocks him off the apron for a bonus. This time a fired up Riddle follows him out and unloads with strikes, followed by an Orton hanging DDT back inside. Orton: “FINISH HIM!” Riddle’s RKO is countered but he avoids Trouble in Paradise. Kofi is back up and Trouble in Paradise connects for the pin at 12:08.

Rating: B-. I heartily approve of Kofi getting ring time against talented opponents for good matches like the last two weeks. This was another pretty awesome match and that shouldn’t be a surprise. Orton and Riddle continue to be one of the few gems around here and I heartily endorse them facing New Day, probably at the pay per view.

We recap Reginald beating Shayna Baszler last week, with Baszler then jumping him at Alexa’s Playground and calling Lily a stupid doll.

Shayna Baszler runs into Nia Jax, who says she knows things have been messy as of late. They get in an argument over Reginald, with Baszler saying she isn’t worried about the stupid little blonde with a doll.

And now, Alexa’s Playground to wrap it up. Bliss talks about how she and Lily could make a new friend tonight but here is Shayna Baszler to interrupt in a hurry. She blames Bliss for everything that has been going wrong as of late, including Reginald’s “accidents”. Baszler can make it all better by apologizing to Lily, but that isn’t happening because it’s just a doll. That’s too far for Bliss, who jumps Baszler to start the fight.

Baszler sends her outside and, with an extreme closeup of the shoe, stomps on Lily’s head. Bliss freaks out and the video screens go all wacky. Then fire starts shooting out of the posts and Baszler freaks out and runs to the back. We go into horror movie mode with Baszler running through the back and saying it’s just a stupid doll. She hides in a locker room but sees Lily in the mirror. Baszler screams a lot and breaks the mirror as the lights go out to end the show.

I’m not going to bother telling you that this is dumb because you already know that. Shayna Baszler, probably the most successful woman in NXT history, is now in a bad horror movie because Alexa Bliss’ evil doll doesn’t like being called stupid. This was another good example of WWE trying to be WAY too smart for their own good and having a horrible ten minutes as a result, but in their minds this is probably gold. You knew it was coming and then it was even worse than expected, which is WWE in a nutshell these days. Absolutely awful, again.

Overall Rating: D. I wasn’t sure what to do with this one because there is definitely good stuff on here. Some of the wrestling was good and the contract signing did exactly what it needed to do. Throw in the good main event and a few other pieces and this show would have been a pretty easy success.

Then you have everything involving a woman tonight. To be clear, this is absolutely not on the wrestlers themselves. The Raw women’s division has some amazing talent and if they are left alone, their matches are rather solid most of the time. The problem with this division is completely in how it is presented, because there has not been a serious thing in months.

Instead, we’re getting more of the Charlotte Show, as she gets to not only talk down to Ripley every chance she can, but also be presented as a far bigger deal in the division. Their feud isn’t interesting and it hasn’t been in a long time, mainly because WWE has given us nothing to care about. Tonight’s match was about as lazy of an idea as you could have and for some reason it was one of the longest things on the show. At least try to do something fresh for once?

And then there is the huge monster in the room, as the main event segment was about an evil doll and Shayna Baszler being in a horror movie (after losing to a wine expert acrobat last week). This is the kind of thing that gives WWE the reputation it has today and it’s the kind of thing that I would be embarrassed to be seen watching. I’m not sure if this is continuing when fans are back, but I kind of hope it does, just to hear how loud the bottoms of the seats clanging when people walk out can be.

Results
Viking Raiders won a tag team battle royal last eliminating Randy Orton
Jaxson Ryker b. Elias via countout
Ricochet vs. Humberto Carrillo went to a double countout
Jeff Hardy b. Cedric Alexander – Swanton Bomb
Nikki Cross/Asuka b. Charlotte/Rhea Ripley – Natural Selection to Ripley
Mansoor b. Drew Gulak – Rollup
Kofi Kingston b. Riddle – Trouble In Paradise

 

 

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This kind of thing can be rather fun.

Kofi Kingston vs. Mike Mizanin
Date: March 23, 2007
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio

Smackdown dark match and Kofi hadn’t debuted yet. Miz is the hometown boy and still little more than a reality show geek who has wrestled a few matches. Before the match, Miz says he and LeBron James are the only two celebrities from Cleveland but Miz was smart enough to get out. It’s so strange seeing Kofi with the generic rock music and the big Jamaican flag. Kofi, with the crazy thick accent, says no one is here to hear Miz talk.

Kofi grabs a wristlock and shouts BOOM a lot but has to keep nipping his way out of top wristlocks. The armdrag into the armbar has Miz in trouble until he sends Kofi throat first into the top rope. We hit the chinlock, followed by a quick Fameasser for two. Kofi sends him face first into the middle buckle to set up a spinwheel kick to the face. What would become known as Trouble In Paradise finishes Miz at 4:29.

Rating: D+. It was clear that neither of them were exactly polished yet, though that BOOM BOOM over and over again made it a little more annoying. Miz would take a long time to get somewhere in the ring and while Kofi got better faster, he was doing way too much with the gimmick here and it was annoying. It’s still cool to see two future Hall of Famers in a match like this though, as they have to start somewhere.

Wrestlemania Backlash
Date: May 16, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Adnan Virk, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

It’s time for the Wrestlemania fallout pay per view and this time WWE isn’t exactly being subtle with the concept. The Raw side is mainly consisting of Wrestlemania rematches with another name added in, while the Smackdown side actually feels like some fresh matches. Hopefully that mixes together for a good show. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Sheamus to issue the open challenge, non-title of course.

Kickoff Show: Sheamus vs. Ricochet

Ricochet hammers away to start but gets taken down with a heck of a clothesline. Sheamus takes him into the corner and pounds him down, setting up the forearms to the chest. The fishhooking (dubbed the Dublin Smile) has Ricochet in even more trouble but Ricochet gets in some kicks to the chest.

The springboard clothesline into the standing shooting star into the Lionsault gives Ricochet two. Sheamus knees the heck out of him though but Ricochet hits a Backstabber into a springboard 450. The 630 misses though and Sheamus blasts him with another knee for the pin at 7:13.

Rating: C+. If nothing else, it was great to see Ricochet on a show outside of Main Event for a change as it makes me wonder if WWE is actually acknowledging the fact that he has been doing good stuff over there. That’s the kind of thing you can use these open challenges for, though the clean pin didn’t do him the most favors. It was better than nothing though, so maybe Ricochet’s fortunes are turning around a bit. I doubt it, but maybe.

Post match Sheamus puts on his hat and coat but Ricochet dropkicks him down and steals both of them.

The opening video, narrated by Batista, talks about how important Wrestlemania is while talking about where everything is going from here. The main matches get their focus as usual, while being interspersed with clips from Batista’s new Netflix film Army of the Dead.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match, with Rhea Ripley defending against Charlotte and Asuka. Ripley took the title from Asuka at Wrestlemania but then Charlotte returned and was put into the title match. Now it’s time for a triple threat for the title.

Raw Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte vs. Asuka

Ripley is defending and Charlotte’s gear is Cruella de Ville/101 Dalmatians inspired. Graves calls Ripley “arguably the one with the most to lose in this match.” Charlotte bails to the floor to start but gets surrounded and the beating begins, including a double superkick to put her on the floor. Asuka rolls Ripley up for two but Charlotte pulls Asuka outside and grabs a suplex. Charlotte and Ripley have the showdown, with Charlotte shouting about being a THIRTEEN TIME CHAMPION.

Asuka is back up but Ripley kicks her down, followed by a dropkick to do the same to Charlotte. Ripley heads to the apron but Charlotte trips her down to take over. Back in and Charlotte talks trash to Asuka, who strikes away in a hurry. Asuka snaps off the armbar but Charlotte gets her feet to the ropes….which don’t count in a triple threat match. Ripley makes the save but Charlotte sends her face first into the middle buckle. Charlotte has to chop Asuka though, allowing Ripley to come back with some clotheslines.

Asuka is back up with the rapid fire strikes and the rolling German suplexes to Charlotte. The missile dropkick hits Ripley and a sliding knee from the apron rocks her again. Charlotte kicks Asuka outside and there’s the moonsault to take both of them down. Back in and a double superplex drops Charlotte to put everyone down. They slug it out from their knees but Charlotte flips out of another double suplex and chop blocks them both.

A double Natural Selection gets a double near fall but Charlotte misses the moonsault. Asuka Codebreakers Charlotte and counters the Riptide, allowing Charlotte to boot Ripley in the face. Charlotte spins out of the Asuka Lock and boots down a charging Asuka. The boot causes Charlotte to fall to the floor though and Ripley Riptides Asuka to retain at 15:22.

Rating: C+. As expected, this was more about Charlotte than anything else, as it seems to be in her contract. Ripley escaped with the title (as commentary put it) and odds are we are going to be seeing the Ripley vs. Charlotte showdown in the near future. Ripley winning is good, but it would be nice to not have to be reminded that Charlotte is the greatest and most amazing thing ever every time she is in a big story (which is about all she does).

We look back at Braun Strowman, Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley brawling on Raw.

Miz isn’t scared of Damian Priest but doesn’t know why this is a lumberjack match. Not to worry though as John Morrison is ready to take care of the lumberjacks and make Priest fall into his thirst trap. Miz: “I don’t think you know what thirst trap means.”

We look at Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler attacking Dominik Mysterio on the Kickoff Show.

Dominik can’t go so Rey Mysterio says he’ll do this himself.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio, in Adam West era Batman gear, is challenging on his own and hits them both in the face to start. Ziggler is knocked outside and a baseball slide sends him into the announcers’ table. Mysterio slides through Roode’s legs to splash Ziggler but Roode sends him head first into the apron. Back in and Rey drop toeholds Roode down setting up a victory roll for two.

Roode blasts Rey with a clothesline though and Ziggler comes in to rip at the face. It’s already back to Roode, who sends Rey into the corner to remind him there is no one to tag. Rey avoids a charge and dropkicks Ziggler off the apron but Roode knocks Mysterio into the Tree of Woe. Roode starts working on Rey’s knee and a wheelbarrow Fameasser combination gets two. Ziggler heads outside so Roode can throw Mysterio into a superkick (that was new/cool) for the nine as Ziggler can’t believe he beat the count.

Back in and Rey hits a double DDT, setting up a toss to send Ziggler into the post. Cue the banged up Dominik to get on the apron as Rey sends Roode outside, only to get Zig Zagged. Roode is back in for two off a gutbuster but he takes too long going up, allowing Rey to hit a super bulldog.

Rey gets over to the corner where Dominik tags himself in…and is spinebustered by Roode. Dominik is sent into the post but comes back with a superkick to Ziggler. The hot tag brings in Rey to clean house, including a 619 to Roode in the corner. Rey brings Dominik back in and sunset bombs Ziggler into the apron, setting up Dominik’s frog splash for the pin and the titles at 16:59.

Rating: B-. The action was good and the result is the right way to go, but I’m not sure why they couldn’t have just done the scheduled match without the Dominik injury angle. It was a dull start until Dominik got in and some things started happening though and that’s what mattered. What matters is getting the titles off of Roode and Ziggler though, as their reign was about as useless as you could get.

Post match, the Mysterios are rather pleased.

John Morrison goes to the lumberjacks’ conveniently labeled dressing room and finds….a bunch of zombies.

Jimmy Uso goes in to see Roman Reigns but finds Jey Uso. Jimmy thinks the door needs to say Roman Reigns and Jey Uso, or better yet, “Jimmy and Jey Uso, Tag Team Champions.” Does Jey even do Reigns’ laundry? Jey is ready to fight but here is Roman Reigns to stare Jimmy down. Jimmy wishes him good luck tonight and leaves.

John Morrison reports his zombie findings to Miz, who seems to think Morrison imagined it. The two leave and the zombies stagger after them.

Commentary (with a zombie on one of the screens behind them) explains that the zombies are from Batista’s Army of the Dead movie. Ah. Well that makes up for everything.

Damian Priest vs. Miz

John Morrison is here and there are indeed zombies, who have their own Titantron and theme music. They are everywhere, including underneath the announcers’ table, sending commentary running. Priest hammers away to start but gets knocked outside, where he beats up the zombies. Back inside and Miz gets in a big boot as Graves hits his tenth Walking Dead reference in about two minutes.

Priest sends him outside for a change and hits a clothesline on the way back in. The spinwheel kick sets up the top rope spinwheel kick for two more. Miz is back with the Figure Four until they get over to the ropes for the break. Both of them head outside to beat up the zombies together before diving back inside. Morrison gets on the apron for a distraction, allowing Miz to hit the running knee for two. The zombies pull Morrison behind the barricade and apparently eat him, leaving Priest to Hit The Lights on Miz for the pin at 6:54.

Rating: F. Yeah I’m thinking no on this one. A zombie horde just attacked Miz, Morrison and Priest on pay per view and outside of what is likely a comedy spot tomorrow night for Miz and Morrison, we’re just going to move on. It’s a paid sponsorship and all that jazz, but Priest could be something on Raw (which desperately needs it) and he gets this instead. This was really annoying and as little as I was looking forward to another Miz vs. Priest match, they managed to make it even worse. The wrestling itself was pretty dull, but egads man. Just let Priest be a star already.

Post match the zombies swarm Miz as Priest leaves.

Hell in a Cell is coming on June 20. Normally that’s an October show so that’s interesting.

Jey Uso catches up with Jimmy Uso, who thinks the sign on the door should say “Roman Reigns and his b****.”

We recap Bayley vs. Bianca Belair for the Smackdown Women’s Title. Belair won the title at Wrestlemania and Bayley is ready to prove that it was a fluke, because she is the best ever.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Bianca Belair

Belair is defending as Miz and Morrison being devoured by zombies about ten minutes ago is already just a memory. They go technical to start but Belair takes her down into a waistlock with ease, seemingly freaking Bayley out. Bayley teases going after the hair so Belair rolls her up for two, with the kickout sending Belair into the corner. A hiptoss brings Bayley back in from the apron and it’s already time for the breather.

Back in and Bayley knees her down, setting up a chinlock to draw Belair back to her feet. A belly to back suplex gets two on Belair but she catches Bayley on top and hits a delayed suplex. They head outside with Bayley dropping her ribs first onto the steps and adding a suplex onto the floor for two. A spinning side slam gives Bayley two more but Belair sends her outside for a change.

That gets on Bayley’s nerves and she comes back in to hammer away. Belair makes the comeback and hits a spinebuster for two. Bayley runs her over again with a clotheslines and drops the top rope elbow for two of her own. With Belair sent outside again, Bayley misses a charge, allowing McAfee to get in MJF’s “better than you and you know it” line.

Back in and a rollup with feet on the ropes gives Bayley two. Bayley even rakes the eyes to keep Belair in trouble, allowing her to use the hair for a ripcord Bayley to Belly and another near fall. With nothing else working, Bayley loads up the Rose Plant with the hair, but Belair rolls her up and uses the hair to hook the leg for the pin to retain at 16:02. The ending might have been a bit botched though as the hair dropped the leg halfway through, making it looked like Bayley kicked out.

Rating: B-. There were some somewhat sloppy moments here but they did a nice job of keeping me into the match. It might not have had a ton of drama, but what mattered here was getting a lot of time on the way to getting Belair her first major title defense out of the way. The ending could set up a rematch, which somehow may already be inside the Cell. That’s a bit of a jump, but I could go for a rematch.

MVP suggests that Braun Strowman isn’t smart enough to accept the business offer he was given and tonight, he is going to lose as a result.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Bobby Lashley won the title in March, beat Drew McIntyre to retain at Wrestlemania, and then both McIntyre and Braun Strowman became #1 contender.

Raw World Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman

Lashley, with MVP, is defending. It’s a brawl to start with Strowman getting double teamed as the other two head outside. McIntyre sends Lashley into the post until Strowman dives off the apron to drop both of them. Back in and McIntyre runs Lashley over before hitting a neckbreaker on Strowman. They head outside again with Strowman using the steps to take both of them down but the non-Strowmans double team him down too.

Lashley suplexes McIntyre onto the ramp but another suplex into the ramp is blocked. McIntyre rams Lashley head first into the set over and over before tossing him through it, meaning we get some sparks. That leaves McIntyre alone to scream and…..get taken down by Strowman. There’s the Strowman Express to put McIntyre down at ringside, setting up the backsplash for two back inside. A missed charge sends Strowman into the corner though and McIntyre hits a pretty impressive Michinoku Driver for two.

Strowman backdrops him to the floor and tries the Express again but McIntyre belly to belly suplexes him (with Strowman landing on his head). The Claymore is countered into a powerbomb through the announcers’ table as the canned chants declare this awesome. Commentary declares that Strowman is about to be the new champion because WWE commentary gets extra dumb in triple threat matches. Back in and the running powerslam is countered, with McIntyre hitting the Claymore. The spear to Strowman retains the title at 14:18.

Rating: C+. And then they go on to the Cell with Lashley vs. McIntyre because this feud needs to continue to suit the calendar so Raw doesn’t have to come up with a single new idea ever because that’s not what they do. I did not want to see this match coming in and I don’t want to see any form of a rematch, but that is what we are going to get because Raw doesn’t exist to be entertaining or creative any longer. This was a completely watchable triple threat power match with one of the most overdone endings you’ll get, which shouldn’t surprise you at all.

Hell in a Cell ad.

We recap Cesaro vs Roman Reigns. After dispatching Daniel Bryan, Reigns needed a new challenger so Cesaro stepped up and issued the challenge. Cesaro then beat Seth Rollins to earn the shot, his first ever one on one match at the World Title. Jimmy Uso returning and not being cool with Reigns treating his brother like a servant is being added in as a bonus factor.

Smackdown World Title: Cesaro vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is defending but before the match, he has Jey stay in the back because he is too worried about Jimmy. They start slowly with Cesaro powering him into the corner. A shoulder doesn’t get anyone anywhere as McAfee’s microphone is breaking up badly. Cesaro rolls him up for two and it’s time for a meeting with Paul Heyman at ringside. Back in and Reigns sends Cesaro face first into the buckle but Cesaro scores with the springboard spinning uppercut.

The Swing is blocked though and Cesaro tweaks his arm, which Reigns sends into the post. Reigns grabs a cravate and suplexes him down for daring to try a comeback. The cravate goes on again and the jumping clothesline gives Reigns two. Reigns loads up the Superman Punch but Cesaro counters it into the pop up uppercut. Some kicks and elbows to the leg set up the Sharpshooter on Reigns, who gets to the ropes in a hurry. Cesaro sends him outside for a corkscrew dive, followed by a high crossbody for two.

Reigns catches him on top though and grabs the arm again for a big boot, meaning the arm gets pulled again. The shotgun dropkick sends Cesaro’s shoulder into the post for two back inside and it’s time to crank on the arm even more. Reigns mocks Cesaro saying wrestling is fun and knees away in the corner, followed by a big boot to drop him again. Some uppercuts give Cesaro a breather and the discus lariat drops Reigns, only to bang up the bad arm even more.

They slug it out from their knees with Cesaro knocking him to the apron, setting up the apron superplex for two more. The arm gives out on the Neutralizer attempt though and Reigns pulls him down into the Fujiwara armbar. That’s reversed into a cradle for two but another springboard uppercut is Superman Punched out of the air for two.

The pop up uppercut doesn’t work again as the arm gives out, allowing Reigns to grab the guillotine. Cesaro powers out and gets the Sharpshooter (pulling back with the hands instead of wrapping the arm around) before switching into a Crossface in the middle of the ring. Reigns powers out of the grip and unloads with forearms to the face, followed by a Batista Bomb for two.

Cesaro flips him over but Reigns is right back with a front facelock into the guillotine. That’s reverses with something close to a powerbomb and Cesaro slips out, only to get pulled into it again. Cesaro tries to power out of the grip but the arm can’t do it and Cesaro is finally out at 27:24.

Rating: B+. Cesaro certainly brought it here and will likely get another title shot at some point. There is zero shame in losing to Reigns at the moment and Cesaro gave it quite the run here. This felt like a main event and Reigns broke a sweat, though I wasn’t quite believing that Cesaro was going to pull it off. Cesaro just getting here was the real accomplishment, making this more like the first Rocky vs. Apollo Creed fight. Very good match here, as Cesaro showed he can go at this level.

Post match here is Jey Uso to acknowledge Reigns with the lei, before jumping Cesaro. Cue Seth Rollins….to go after Cesaro as well. Rollins stomps him to the floor and hits him with a few chair shots. The chair is wrapped around the bad arm and sent into the post, followed by a Stomp on the floor to end the show. That’s probably your Smackdown Cell match.

Overall Rating: C+. This is one of the hardest ratings I’ve ever had to put together because the show is so torn down the middle. The Smackdown stuff was good to very good with matches that had been built up (some better than others) and then executed well enough. Their side did well and it felt like half of a pay per view.

Then there’s Raw and oh my goodness. I watch the show every week and somehow they have managed to get even worse time after time. Not only did the build feel lazy coming into the show (Hey, here are the Wrestlemania matches with one extra person added in as we keep talking about Wrestlemania!), but then you had another Charlotte showcase (#1928 I believe), a three way match where they hit each other over and over and then someone stole the pin and then……that other match.

First of all, I get why they did the zombie tie-in. It’s a check from Netflix and Batista is in the movie and all that good stuff. All fine and good, but there was NOWHERE else on the show to put that? Not as a segment, a backstage deal, or with R-Truth or something? No clearly the best solution was to put it in a match that didn’t need to happen in the first place and make the whole thing into a commercial instead of a way to make Priest look good. The match completely took me out of the rest of the show and I could not bring myself to be interested in anything else they did until the main event got rolling.

Tonight was a perfect summary of Raw in a few hours: the creative is repetitive and lazy and they do not care about building up anyone new because they know people are going to watch anyway. Smackdown is a perfectly fine if not good wrestling show and Raw is whatever garbage Vince and Bruce green light after turning down what are probably much better ideas. So enjoy your three hours of nonsense as the show continues to spin its wheels for years on end because WWE has gotten paid and it isn’t like they would get paid MORE with a bigger audience or anything.

Overall, this show was right down the middle, with the Smackdown stuff feeling good and the Raw stuff feeling like Raw stuff. Outside of the commercial called a match, the Raw matches were far from terrible, but they felt like something that had to be done instead of something with effort put into them. That has been the case from Raw for a long time now and there is nothing to suggest it is going to get any better.

Results

Rhea Ripley b. Asuka and Charlotte – Riptide to Asuka

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio b. Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode – Frog splash to Roode

Damian Priest b. Miz – Hit The Lights

Bianca Belair b. Bayley – Rollup

Bobby Lashley b. Braun Strowman and Drew McIntyre – Spear to Strowman

Roman Reigns b. Cesaro – Guillotine
 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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It’s time for the followup to Wrestlemania and this time they are making that as obvious as possible by calling the show Wrestlemania Backlash. WWE has run Backlash for years but this time around, WWE does not exactly seem to be putting much effort into the Raw side of things. Smackdown is a different story, but egads Raw is not exactly inspiring me here. Maybe the show can wind up going a bit better in action. Let’s get to it.

Raw Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley(c) vs. Asuka vs. Charlotte

There is no word on if WWE is going to do what they want to do and bill this as Charlotte vs. the world, as Asuka and Ripley, the champion, have felt like afterthoughts in the whole thing. That is not exactly a shock but unfortunately it is reality, as Ripley already beat Asuka at Wrestlemania so now it is time to bring Charlotte in. Why? Well because it’s always time to bring Charlotte in.

I’ll take Ripley to retain here though, as I think WWE knows they can’t just put the title right back on Charlotte as soon as possible. Ripley absolutely needs the win more, though it isn’t going to matter all that much if Charlotte continues to get all of the focus. Asuka is probably taking the fall here, setting up the rematch from Wrestlemania XXXVI so Charlotte and Ripley can have their showdown. I’m not sure where it goes from there, but Ripley holds onto the title here to keep things moving.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Robert Roode/Dolph Ziggler(c) vs. Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio

The fact that I sighed as soon as I typed that out says a lot about the match. Ziggler and Rey had a match on Smackdown which had me wondering how much longer I could keep my eyes open. The tag format should be a little bit better and the idea of the father and son going after the titles works fine. The problem is Ziggler and Roode have defended the titles twice in four months, which isn’t the right way to make the fans care about them or the titles.

I think the Mysterios get the titles here, though it seems to be a matter of time before the reunited Usos get the belts back. There is zero point to keeping the titles on Ziggler and Roode at the moment, though they have been around for a long time now and them retaining would not stun me. I’ll go with the title change here though, if nothing else for a nice moment.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair(c) vs. Bayley

This is Belair’s first major defense after winning the title at Wrestlemania, which should tell you where this is going. I’m curious to see how Belair does in a slightly less high pressure situation which is still a pretty high level match. Bayley is a good person to put her out there with though, and hopefully everything winds up working well. Belair is the future though and I think you know what that means.

Belair retains here, as we get to find out where she can go as the long term champion. If nothing else, they aren’t taking the title off of her before they get to the big rematch with Sasha Banks. Bayley is the right kind of opponent to boost up Belair’s stock and we could be in for a pretty good match as well. There shouldn’t be much doubt here, so being able to create some is going to be a nice challenge.

Damian Priest vs. The Miz

Yeah this is still going and I’m not sure I get why either. It isn’t a fresh match and it isn’t an interesting one, but above all else it isn’t something that is going to help Priest in the long run. Priest is already in his late 30s and I’m really not sure why he is wasting even more time facing Miz, who he has beaten before. This really needs to be it, but that was the case with Wrestlemania too.

I’ll go with what makes sense here, as there is no reason for Priest to lose or come close to it. They seem to be teasing the idea of splitting up Miz and John Morrison in the near future, which wouldn’t be the greatest thing in the world but right now, Priest needs to win. He doesn’t have the big singles win on his own yet and while Miz isn’t that, a win could be a nice stepping stone to his future.

Raw World Title: Bobby Lashley(c) vs. Braun Strowman vs. Drew McIntyre

Egads I don’t care. I really just do not care. Strowman is being added to the whole thing to keep this from being a rematch from Wrestlemania/this week’s Raw and….my goodness I don’t know why that is supposed to be interesting. Strowman has not been interesting in a long time and adding him in isn’t going to make fans care about this match any more than they already do. That’s what we’re getting here though and hopefully we are done soon thereafter.

In theory, Lashley should retain here as there is almost no reason for anything else to happen. Strowman getting the title back is not going going to happen and McIntyre doesn’t need it again. The match is going to be the hoss fight and should be entertaining enough, but my goodness it has been a rough build, and that is not the kind of thing that makes me want to see the match.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Cesaro

We’ve finally gotten to Cesaro’s title shot, though honestly that might be what qualifies as making it for him. Reigns is on another planet at this point and no one should be taking the title from him for a LONG time, so Cesaro just getting to this spot after all these years is pretty impressive. It would be an amazing match to see with fans in person, especially if Cesaro gets to Swing him, but I think you know how this is ending.

Of course Reigns retains here, because there is no reason for anything else to happen. There might be a rematch set up and they might do it again at Money in the Bank, but Reigns could lose a pair of limbs and still wind up retaining the title here. Cesaro might win the title one day, but that day is not going to be Sunday, because Reigns is going to be champion for a long time to come.

Overall Thoughts

This feels more and more like the May pay per view that is taking place because we have to have a May pay per view, which isn’t exactly keeping my interest up. That being said, the six match card probably means they are likely to be out in less than three hours. That’s quite the relief, as this does not feel like anything resembling a major pay per view. If they can get in, get out and be done, this could be a lot worse. I’m not overly thrilled to see the show, but I’ve seen worse cards.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 82,265
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

We’re back to this show after a year away and I’m not sure what to think about this one. I wasn’t in the stadium for this one and for once that is making me remember the show a little bit better. This whole thing is centered around a few matches, as Wrestlemania always tends to be. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese

Murphy is defending and this is during Nese’s (who won a tournament to get here) not so great face run. First good thing: there are a bunch of people in their seats already so the place doesn’t look ridiculous. Murphy misses a running knee at the bell so Nese hammers away in the corner and tells the fans that this is his Wrestlemania moment. A cartwheel off the apron lets Nese hit him in the jaw but Murphy grabs a fireman’s carry drop onto the corner (Colt Cabana’s Chicago Skyline) as we take a break.

Back with Murphy holding a chinlock but getting suplexed into the corner to cut things off. Some running elbows to the face rock Murphy and the Lionsault, with Murphy hanging in the ropes, gets two. Nese catches him on the ropes with a palm strike, only to get pulled into a Cheeky Nandos kick. A powerbomb into a spinning faceplant gives Murphy two as we get the “still filing in line” from commentary. Murphy’s Law is countered and Nese hits a reverse hurricanrana to put them both down again.

Murphy wins a strike off but Nese is right back with a sunset driver for his own near fall as the fans are finally getting into this. The running Nese doesn’t get to launch so Nese hits the Fosbury Flop instead. Back in and the 450 gets two in a surprising near fall. The jumping knee connects out of nowhere and Murphy’s Law gets two as Nese gets a foot on the rope. Ever the villain, Murphy tries his own running Nese, which is cut off by a superkick. The real running Nese finishes Murphy at 10:44.

Rating: C. The 205 Live guys had several matches that would blow this one away but at least they had a nice moment in the end with the fans getting into things. Nese as a face didn’t exactly click but beating Murphy felt like a bit deal. It’s a nice mini feel good moment to start what is going to be a long night.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Zelina Vega, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Liv Morgan, Sarah Logan, Ruby Riott, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Maria Kanellis, Asuka, Sonya Deville, Candice LeRae, Naomi, Nikki Cross, Lana, Dana Brooke, Mickie James

Only Naomi and Asuka get entrances. Nikki goes nuts to start and it’s a big brawl, as a battle royal should be. Maria is out in a hurry and Asuka knocks out Candice and Nikki back to back. Ember and Naomi trade hurricanranas until the former hits a quick springboard Eclipse on Lana. Another Eclipse gets rid of Naomi and there’s the real version to Mandy. Ember goes up again but Lana (the one in the designated Captain Marvel attire) shoves her out.

Sane hits an Alabama Slam on Lana and goes up like a schnook, only to get shoved to the apron by Logan. Even the bigger schnook, Logan doesn’t eliminate her but rather joins the rest of the Riott Squad to go after Lana. The elimination doesn’t take long but Sane drops Logan. The Insane Elbow connects, only t have the Squad get together and eliminate Sane without much trouble. An assisted flipping Stunner rocks Vega but AGAIN Logan doesn’t get the elimination.

Instead the Squad goes after Asuka and again they don’t eliminate her. Brooke gets to fight off all three of them and manages a slow motion Thesz press on Morgan. Riott goes after Brooke and gets tossed, with Morgan following her out. Brooke’s handspring elbow hits Vega’s knees though and the running knees in the corner make it worse. Rose and Deville get rid of Vega and Brooke, meaning we can get a big hug.

We’re down to Rose, Deville, Asuka, James, Logan and Carmella, the latter of whom seems to be on the floor because that’s something you have to have in battle royals these days. James hurricanranas Rose to the apron and superkicks her out, only to get dropped by Deville. Asuka beats up Logan and Deville at once but she manages to toss Deville. Logan gets rid of Asuka but, say it with me, Carmella is still in and superkicks Logan out for the win at 10:33.

Rating: D. Holy sweet goodness I can’t stand that finish and yet we seem to get it in every few battle royals (including last year’s women’s battle royal). I know Carmella getting the win is for the sake of the New York fans but egads this feels like a waste of a match, which tends to be the case with so many of these pre-show battle royals. In other words: more of the same stuff that wasn’t good in the first place.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

Revival is defending and picked the match because they thought it would be an easy win. See, Hawkins hasn’t won a match in two and a half years so of course he gets a Wrestlemania title shot (you have to keep the New York crowd happy you see). Dawson shoves Hawkins down to start and then pats him on the cheek in the corner. We get a recap of the Edgeheads as Dawson headlocks Hawkins down.

Ryder comes in as we hear about how the show in “the shadow of New York”, which is acknowledged as New Jersey, likely for one of the only times tonight. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Wilder down but Dawson low bridges him out to the floor. Something close to a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two and the armbar goes on. Dawson comes back in and rips at the face before working on his own armbar.

That’s enough of that so Wilder grabs another armbar (he’s up 2-1 on Dawson) to keep Ryder down. Ryder fights up again but neckbreakers his way out of a double suplex. With Hawkins being distracted, the champs cheat to set up a hard clothesline for two more. The assisted legdrop gives Wilder two and we hit the chinlock as this keeps going. Ryder finally suplexes his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Hawkins.

House is cleaned until it’s a double clothesline to put Hawkins and Dawson down at the same time. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson but Ryder and Wilder crash out to the floor. Wilder saves Dawson at two and tornado DDTs Ryder on the floor. A brainbuster drops Hawkins outside as well and they’re all down for a bit. Back in and Hawkins is dead but manages a small package for the pin and the titles at 13:20. Hawkins slowly realizing that not only is the match over but that they won is kind of awesome.

Rating: D+. This went on too long but the ending was fine after setting everything up for so long with the losing streak. Hawkins and Ryder are a likable team so it’s not like them winning the titles is a bad idea. Besides, WWE has already taken away anything that the Revival could offer (and yet it would still get worse) so the loss doesn’t do a ton of damage to them anyway.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Otis, Karl Anderson, Andrade, Gran Metalik, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Colin Jost Jeff Hardy, No Way Jose, Lince Dorado, Bobby Roode, Konnor, Tyler Breeze, Viktor, Luke Harper, Ali, Apollo Crews, Michael Che, Titus O’Neil, Tucker, Braun Strowman, Shelton Benjamin, Jinder Mahal, Matt Hardy, Curtis Axel, Rhyno, Luke Gallows, EC3, Kalisto

So the big deal here is Jost and Che are from Saturday Night Live and Strowman doesn’t like them. The two of them bail to the floor and hide under the ring as Axel is out in about ten seconds. Dorado takes a SCARY bump to the floor with Breeze, EC3 and Benjamin following him out. There goes Dallas as well but it’s time for a staredown with Strowman and Harper.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Titus gets rid of Slater. As expected, Titus is out a few seconds later off a missed charge and Ali gets rid of Jose. Ascension sends Strowman shoulder first into the post for a crash to the floor (through the ropes so no elimination). Anderson isn’t so lucky as he gets tossed and the Hardys do the same to Rhyno. Roode and Metalik are out next as the ring is starting to empty a bit.

Andrade tosses Kalisto onto Metalik but Gable rolls Andrade with German suplexes. Since it’s Gable though, Andrade throws him out in a hurry, leaving Otis to hit a double Caterpillar on the Ascension. They’re both out as well but Strowman is back in to get rid of Gallows, Tucker and Otis in a row. There goes Mahal as Harper tries to suplex Ali over the top. With Ali hanging upside down, Strowman kicks Harper out, nearly dropping Ali on his head in a very near miss.

We’re down to Strowman, Andrade, Matt, Jeff and Crews in the ring with Che and Jost still underneath the ring. Andrade and Crews go to the apron and Andrade tries a hurricanrana for no intelligent reason in a double elimination. Strowman puts the Hardys on the apron in the battle of North Carolina as Che and Jost get back inside. They can’t get rid of Strowman, who dumps the Hardys and is ready for the destruction.

Jost grabs a mic though and says this doesn’t need to end in violence. He presents his personal therapist, whose breathing exercises earn him a chokeslam. Che tries to eliminate himself but Strowman punches himself out instead. Strowman misses a charge and almost gets eliminated but powers through it and tosses Jost for the win at 10:27.

Rating: D+. Yeah it’s stupid and the SNL guys added nothing to the whole thing but Strowman won in the end and there were some nice spots (granted they went with some scary ones) throughout. It isn’t anything better or worse than your usual “get them all in there” battle royal and it could have been worse. That’s high praise for something like this anymore.

And with that Smackdown length Kickoff Show out of the way, we can get on with the real show. Isn’t modern WWE great?

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful and we get the big helicopter flyover.

The opening video, complete with a WWE Presents, features the wrestlers talking about how Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage. Tonight, this is their stage and they are the players. We get the classic moments of course because this show is built around history. They do a good job of starting this slowly and then building it up into a big feeling. As usual, WWE’s promo videos are nothing short of incredible and somehow they manage to get better a lot of the time. That being said, wrestlers calling themselves storytellers doesn’t sound right.

Maybe it’s how many times I’ve heard the song on highlight packages since then, but that Love Runs Out theme song is really catchy.

Here’s Alexa Bliss, the host for the evening, to open things up. Bliss talks about how this show needs a goddess and if she snaps her fingers, she can make a Wrestlemania moment. A snap of her fingers produces Hulk Hogan, who is happy to be back here in the Silverdome. That gets a chuckle so then he calls it the MetLife Center in a joke that doesn’t go over as well. Hogan and Bliss pose together in a cute moment.

Hold on though as Paul Heyman storms out and says we’re doing the Universal Title match RIGHT NOW. The faster Lesnar wins, the faster he can go to Las Vegas where he is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is defending after winning the Royal Rumble and gets a big BEAST SLAYER intro. At least BURN IT DOWN gets a big reaction so they’re doing something right. Lesnar jumps him before the bell and knees Rollins off the apron. An F5 plants Rollins on the floor and a hard whip into the barricade makes it even worse. Rollins gets tossed over the announcers’ table as the beating is on in a big way. That’s not enough for Lesnar so he throws Rollins over another table before throwing Rollins inside.

Heyman and Lesnar talk the angry trash but it’s back to the floor before the opening bell. Cole: “Seth Rollins never had a chance!” And there’s your usual WWE line that gives away the ending. Brock throws Rollins over the announcers’ table for a third time and then through the cover of the announcers’ table. They go back in for the opening bell and there’s the first German suplex. Lesnar: “SUPLEX CITY B******!” Give him his t-shirt money.

The second suplex sends him flying again as Cole brings up the Wrestlemania XXXI cash-in. The F5 is countered though and Rollins gets in a low blow. That means a low superkick and three straight Stomps make Rollins champion at 2:30. It was an exciting start and the whole thing from Lesnar’s first attack ran about 7:00. They had to get the title onto Rollins here (though more importantly off of Lesnar) and this was certainly a memorable way to do it. Certainly more so than when they did it again in a longer form four and a half months later.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

This is your “here are two big names without much else to do” match. Orton eliminated him from the Elimination Chamber and they got in an argument about who built Smackdown. Orton’s big CGI snakes really don’t look great but those things are hit and miss for everyone. AJ headlocks him to start and is promptly driven into the corner. A very early threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the corner and it’s another standoff.

Orton pokes him in the eye and hits a dropkick to take over, including a boot across the eye to make it even worse. AJ gets in his own dropkick though as they’re pretty even in the early minutes. With Orton taking a breather on the floor, AJ scores with the slingshot forearm, only to get knocked off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and the chinlock goes on as the fans start chanting something I can’t understand.

That’s broken up so AJ hits the sliding forearm, setting up the fireman’s carry backbreaker for two. An early Styles Clash attempt is countered into a powerslam to give Orton his own near fall as the slow pace continues. The Calf Crusher attempt is countered without much trouble but the second attempt is slapped on in the middle of the ring. Not that the fans are exactly interested but AJ did get it on. That’s broken up in a hurry so AJ heads to the apron for the Phenomenal Forearm.

Orton jumps up to RKO him out of the air (as he had done last week) but AJ holds back, leaving Orton to crash. The springboard 450 gets two but Orton is right back with the backbreaker. Orton’s rather good looking top rope superplex has AJ crashing down for two and an uppercut gets a crazy loud pop (that had to be for something else). The hanging DDT gets no reaction but Orton walking around does, as I’m almost scared to imagine what had the fans’ attention.

AJ hits an enziguri to block the RKO, only to walk into it on the second attempt. That’s only good for two as well and Orton is shocked. With nothing else working, Orton loads up a super RKO, which is escaped without a lot of effort. A Pele sends Orton to the floor and the Phenomenal Forearm knock him even sillier. Back in and Orton still can’t hit the RKO, meaning it’s another Phenomenal Forearm to give AJ the pin at 16:12.

Rating: C-. Things got a bit better by the end but it never got going at any intense level. These two are capable of a lot but it was rather slow paced for the most part and when the match is going that long, it can get pretty tiresome in a hurry. It’s not bad in any sense but it wasn’t exciting and you know these two could do a lot better. That makes it more frustrating than anything else, as I kept waiting for them to get going and they never really did.

Here’s Lacey Evans to continue doing her thing of walking around, smiling, and then walking back.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Rusev/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Bar vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black

The Usos are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. There is something so awesome about seeing the look on Ricochet’s face as he walks onto the stage. You can see what it means to him and there is no faking that kind of a feeling. This also marks Ricochet and Black’s third shot at different titles this week, after Raw and NXT title shots earlier in the week. Jimmy and Black start things off with a feeling out process until Sheamus tags himself in to face Black.

The armbar doesn’t last long as Rusev tags Sheamus and runs Black over. Nakamura comes in for a kick to the back but the rapid fire tags continue, with Jimmy coming in to Samoa drop Black. Nakamura kicks Jimmy into a tag to Ricochet, who does a very spinny headscissors on Cesaro. Since it’s just a headscissors though, Cesaro uppercuts Ricochet down and starts swinging him, as Sheamus forearms everyone else.

After a nearly 40 second swing (geez), the Sharpshooter goes on in the middle of the ring. Black makes the save and strikes away, setting up a springboard moonsault for two on Rusev. Nakamura is back in with some running knees to Black, meaning Ricochet has to make a save of his own. That earns him a swinging Rock Bottom from Rusev and it’s time for the nine man Tower of Doom. Just to show off, Ricochet flips out and lands safely in the corner, setting up the 630 for two on Sheamus. We hit the parade of kicks to the face with the Usos superkicking Sheamus down. The Double Us retains the titles at 10:05.

Rating: B. This was almost all action from bell to bell and that’s all you can do with a match like this one. Let them do whatever they want and get in spot after spot for a little while. They didn’t overstay their welcome either, as this match got in the right amount of time. Good stuff here and one of the more entertaining things all night so far.

Hall of Fame recap. Thankfully Bret being attacked isn’t mentioned whatsoever.

Here’s the class being presented in the stadium:

Honky Tonk Man (How was he not in yet?)

Harlem Heat (Perfectly fine.)

Torrie Wilson (The new low benchmark.)

Brutus Beefcake (Again, how was he not in yet?)

Hart Foundation (Should have been earlier so Neidhart could be there but long overdue as well.)

Sue Aitchison (Warrior Award.)

D-Generation X (I’m sure they had to twist their arms to get here. Deserved of course.)

We recap Miz vs. Shane McMahon. Somehow Shane won the World Cup despite not being in the tournament and Miz, the man he replaced in the finals, was jealous. Miz’s dad thought they should team together so they won the Tag Team Titles. The reign didn’t last long though and they split up, with Shane turning on Miz. Tonight, it’s Falls Count Anywhere. This was in the middle of Shane’s RIDICULOUS run near the top of Smackdown where he was all over the show and beating main eventers, including that Tag Team Title win. Of course he gets a big Wrestlemania match, because that’s what makes sense for such a star.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere, but hang on as Shane needs to hear his introduction three times in a row. With that out of the way, Shane bails to the floor at the bell so the chase is on, with Shane hitting his horrible punches. In a smart move, Shane grabs Miz’s dad (in the front row) and again, the chase goes badly for Miz as Shane hammers away. They head outside again with Shane loading up the announcers’ table.

A monitor shot to the head puts Miz on the table but Miz’s dad blocks the big elbow. Shane gets down so Miz’s dad gets inside for the showdown, with Miz’s dad doing the pose that launched a subplot on the upcoming season of Miz and Mrs. Shane takes him into the corner and stomps away, drawing Miz back in for the beating. They fight to to the floor with Shane falling over the barricade but hold on as Miz wants someone to check on his dad.

With the medics doing their job, Miz dives over the barricade to take Shane down again. They fight over towards one of the big pillars that holds up the canopy over the ring but Shane fights out of the Skull Crushing Finale. Instead Shane grabs a DDT for two but Miz kicks him down off the stage. Shane is sent knee first into a barricade and Miz beats on him with a chair to blow off some more steam.

They wreck announcers’ row with Miz throwing him over every chair he can find, plus throwing some chairs around. Shane gets sent through a table for two, followed by a monitor shot to knock him over a barricade and onto the top of a well placed golf cart. That gives Miz a delayed two so he punches Shane up towards a production tower. A Skull Crushing Finale onto the platform gets two, because he’s Shane and Miz is just a former World Champion.

Shane fights back (of course) and climbs up to the top of the tower. Miz pursues so Shane begs off, even dropping to one knee. That earns him some left hands to the head and Miz superplexes him all the way down (after asking if Shane is ready) onto a crash pad. Worry not though as Shane lands on top for the pin at 15:25.

Rating: D-. I knew the ending was coming here and I still shake my head at the ending. Shane is the boss’ son but my goodness how hard can you push him? The worst part is that it is only going to get worse as the summer goes on, but this was a punch to the gut as Shane wins AGAIN, meaning he isn’t going away anytime soon. The superplex was a nice idea but showing the landing on the pad (which just happened to be there) took away all of the impact that it had. That is, whatever was left before Shane won of course.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: IIconics vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Nia Jax/Tamina vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley

Banks and Bayley are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Bret Hart is here with Beth and Natalya (who really feel like fill ins for Trish Stratus/Lita), though he doesn’t go beyond the stage. Tamina shoves Bayley down to start and superkicks Natalya for a bonus. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Nia being sent outside for a ram into the steps. Back in and Peyton rolls Sasha up for two and it’s a double kick to put drop Sasha again.

The Hardys’ Spin Cycle gets two on Banks but she’s right back with a backslide for the same. It’s back to Bayley for a sliding clothesline for two on Beth but Billie tags herself in. The IIconics take over on Beth, who is right back with a suplex to both of them at once. Natalya comes in for two but Bayley makes a fast save. The champs get in a fight with Beth and Natalya and it’s a Bank Statement to Phoenix. That’s broken up but the Glam Slam is countered into a rollup into the corner.

Natalya drops Sasha onto Bayley and they get the always fairly dumb looking double Sharpshooter treatment. This time it’s Tamina making the save and Nia comes back in to wreck everyone else. The IIconics get crushed with stereo Samoan drops but Beth shoves Nia off the top to break up a splash. Sasha takes Beth down as well and Bayley drops the top rope elbow, followed by Banks’ frog splash. The Tower of Doom is broken up so Beth hits a super Glam Slam on Bayley, with Kay making a blind tag. With Beth sent outside, Kay steals the pin and the titles at 10:47.

Rating: D. This went on too long and wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. The titles were brand new at this point and they already seemed pretty worthless, which would be proven over the next year. The fallout here is more interesting than the match itself, as you Nia would go away for about a year with double ACL surgery and Sasha (allegedly) threw a fit over losing and took the summer off.

The pilots from the Kickoff Show flyover are in the crowd. That’s always cool.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Kofi replaced the injured Ali in the Elimination Chamber and got down to the final two. That set up one of the most dramatic things that WWE has ever done, as Kofi got inches away from winning the title and the fans ate it up. It was clear that Kofi had to get the title at Wrestlemania or he never would, which sent Kofi and New Day into a crusade to finally get the title shot that had eluded him for eleven years.

After jumping through all kinds of hoops set by Vince McMahon, it took New Day winning a gauntlet match to get the shot, with their longtime rivals the Usos stepping aside in a great show of respect for Kofi. At the same time, Bryan said that Kofi was a B+ player in an awesome role reversal from his legendary run five years earlier.

The match was finally set and it was a heck of a story, as Kofi had put in so many years of building credibility to get here and was finally cashing in. This wasn’t JBL jumping up to the main event scene, as Kofi had pretty much won every title other than the World Title. That’s not a big jump, but it was hard to believe that they would actually pull the trigger here. In other words, this was EXCELLENT and would have headlined any other year.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging and has New Day in his corner, while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a gift for Kofi and promises it for after the match. I had forgotten how nice of a touch Bryan’s eco-friendly belt really was. They stare each other down to start and the fans are behind Kofi, which is almost hard to fathom until you realize that Bryan might be a better heel than face. Kofi’s headlock doesn’t get anywhere so they fight over a backslide. Bryan monkey flips him so Kofi lands on his feet, setting up a dropkick to the floor.

The big dive takes Bryan down again and the roster is behind Kofi in the back. Things slow down a bit as Bryan needs a breather with Rowan. Back in and Bryan uppercuts him a few times to set up the surfboard, which always looks awesome. That’s broken up in a hurry as usual, allowing Kofi to kick away in the corner. Bryan’s moonsault into the running clothesline is countered into something resembling the standing double stomp (almost a Thesz press as Kofi can’t hit it properly) for two.

Kofi’s jumping clothesline works a bit better and the Boom Drop connects. Bryan heads outside again so Kofi tries a springboard dive, which lands ribs first on the announcers’ table. You don’t have to ask Bryan twice to go after the ribs like that so he drops Kofi ribs first across the top rope. The ribs get sent into the corner and it’s off to a waistlock, which works a lot better this time around. Kofi fights up and elbows in the corner but a very quick Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Boston crab.

Bryan’s belly to back superplex is broken up with elbows to the face and Kofi hits a top rope splash to the back for two. They slug it out but Trouble in Paradise is countered again, only to countered into a small package to give Kofi two more. Kofi’s crossbody is rolled through though and Bryan pulls him into a failed LeBell Lock attempt so they’re both down for a second. The running knee is countered into the SOS but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock, with Bryan letting go for some more elbows to the ribs.

Kofi finally gets his foot on the rope and you can hear the sigh of relief. Bryan YES Kicks at the ribs even more but Kofi fires up and tells Bryan to kick him even harder. As Bryan backs away, Kofi throws his own kicks and busts out a reverse suplex for two. They head outside again so Rowan can go after New Day, earning himself Trouble in Paradise. The Midnight Hour on the floor takes care of Rowan and Kofi blocks Bryan’s suicide dive.

Back in and Bryan hits the running knee…..for two and a big pop on the kickout. Bryan has had it and unloads with stomps to the head to set up the LeBell Lock. Kofi breaks out again and blasts Bryan with forearms to the face with more aggression than you usually see from him. Bryan won’t let go of the wrist so Kofi stomps him right back, knocking Bryan silly. Trouble in Paradise gives Kofi the clean pin and the title at 23:45.

Rating: A. That is the definition of the Wrestlemania moment and it holds up to perfection a year later. The fans completely bought into the idea of Kofi fighting through everything and winning the title in the end and that’s all it should have been. Kofi is the kind of guy who has been around forever and built up so much good will that when he finally went after the title, everyone was on his side. That made for a special moment and it was amazing throughout as it’s something that I never thought I would see, but here it is. That’s a great thing to see as rare as it can be.

On top of that, this was an awesome match with both guys giving it everything they had. The story here was perfect with Kofi not being the wrestler Bryan was but knowing that this was his one shot and giving everything he had to achieve his dream when he could. The fans believed in him and there was no way he could lose in this spot. Outstanding stuff and if not for the historic main event, this would have headlined in a landslide. Watch this again and smile a lot.

Post match Woods and Big E. pull out the classic WWE Championship and hand it to Kofi for the first time (Kofi kneeling in the ring and waiting to have it presented to him is a great visual). The pyro goes off and Kofi’s sons get in the ring to celebrate with him and one of them holds up the title, which is almost bigger than he is. We’re not done yet though as Big E. brings in the present from earlier. It’s the first New Day shirt featuring Kofi as champion and his kids get to hold them up for a perfect visual. Woods: “THEY SAID WE COULDN’T MAKE IT! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!” Outstanding.

Che and Jost are banged up so Bliss introduces them to Dr. Scott Hall and Dr. Kevin Nash. Ok then.

Booker T. is the next guest commentator.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and this year’s comic gear is…..well Mysterio appropriately enough. Now how did he never do that one before? Joe kicks him in the face but Rey is right back with the springboard hurricanrana. The 619 connects but Joe pulls him out of the air into the Koquina Clutch and Rey is out at 1:00, which may have something to do with Rey injuring his ankle on Monday. Booker being annoyed at wasting all the time on prep work is good for a chuckle.

Sneak peak of Batista’s new movie Stuber.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns returned from leukemia after a four month absence and he needs a first victim. Drew has run through the rest of the Shield as a bonus. This is your likely layup result of the show and that’s fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew gets played to the ring by the New York Bagpipe Band. They trade shots to the face to start so Reigns snaps off a Samoan drop for an early two. McIntyre is right back with a spinebuster into a jackknife cover for two of his own. The Glasgow Kiss knocks Reigns down again and McIntyre throws him into the corner for two. The chinlock/armbar goes on until Reigns powers out and knocks him to the floor. Reigns’ running kick to the face is blocked though and McIntyre suplexes him down.

Back in and the reverse Alabama slam gives McIntyre two so he takes Reigns up top. That earns him a crotching, only to have Drew pull himself up from the Tree of Woe to send Reigns flying with a belly to belly superplex. Reasons of general heelishness cause McIntyre to slap him in the face, meaning the comeback is on. McIntyre gets knocked outside again for the Samoan drop on the floor, followed by the Superman Punch back inside. The spear finishes McIntyre at 10:06.

Rating: D. The fans didn’t care and why should they have? As usual, it was clear that Reigns was going to win and that happens far too often at Wrestlemania. It’s amazing that Reigns got to come back here but it’s Reigns, who almost always wins, winning again in a match where the ending was obvious throughout. Nothing to see here, and the fans were silent throughout.

Post match Reigns gets to pose in a rather emotional moment.

Here’s Elias for his self described greatest performance ever. He’s on screen playing drums, with a second Elias joining him on piano and the real thing in the ring playing guitar. They jam for a bit and guitar Elias says the other two deserve a standing ovation. Elias teases more members of the band and gets in his catchphrase before loading up the song….but here’s a SPECIAL BULLETIN on Babe Ruth calling his shot in the 1932 World Series.

Cue John Cena in Dr. of Thuganomics gear and the fans seem rather pleased. Cena raps about how he’s about to turn heel and how bad his own movies are. WWE doesn’t stand for Walk With Elias because it really means Wasted Wrestling Experiment. We get a nuts joke, followed by the FU to leave Elias laying. They have history together so this was as good as you were going to get. This was funny for a change if nothing else and that’s a cool Wrestlemania feeling.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Back at Smackdown 1000, Batista had mentioned that HHH never beat him but laughed it off. Then in February, Ric Flair was having a 70^th birthday celebration but Batista attacked him, while asking HHH if he had his attention. This set up the match, with Batista demanding that HHH give him what he wanted (over and over and over). HHH has put up his career just in case the ending was in the slightest bit of doubt.

Shawn Michaels is guest commentator.

Batista vs. HHH

No holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista goes out to glare at Shawn but here’s HHH, riding in a Mad Max style cart because of course he is. Batista drives him straight into the corner to start so HHH is back with some right hands to the face. A backdrop sends Batista outside but he throws HHH over the announcers’ table in a crash. HHH is right back up with a ram into the barricade and busts out a chain to whip Batista over the back.

The chain is pulled into Batista’s mouth (Shawn: “That’s not going to help his movie career.”) and HHH whips him into the steps. To ramp up the pain, HHH busts out some pliers to bend Batista’s fingers around a bit. HHH isn’t done with the toolbox so he grabs some needle nose pliers and ribs Batista’s nose ring out. To be fair, that thing looked horrible. Cole: “HHH just ripped a nose ring out of the nose of Batista.” So the nose ring in his ear is still intact.

Batista’s nose is good enough to drop HHH onto the announcers’ table and then he does it again onto a different one. A chair to the back sets up the shoulders in the corner for two as things have slowed way down. Batista slams him down for two more and let’s go outside again. The steps are set on the table and another table is cleared off as this is taking quite a long time for one big spot.

The huge Batista Bomb through the table is countered with a backdrop onto (not through) the other table and they’re both down again. HHH gets up, spinebusters him through the table, and we get another breather. HHH pulls out the sledgehammer but it’s a spear to cut him down for two. This time it’s HHH knocking the sledgehammer away from Batista, earning himself a spinebuster in the process. The Batista Bomb, which makes HHH drop the sledgehammer again, connects for two.

With nothing else working, Batista brings in the steps but goes up top for some reason. That reason would be so HHH can powerbomb him onto the steps, setting up a Pedigree for two (Because this MUST KEEP GOING!). They’re both down again so here’s Flair to slip HHH the sledgehammer. HHH gets up and uses the steps as a launchpad to hammer Batista in the head. Since that’s not enough to pin him (or KILL HIM as it probably should have), Batista pops up to take the Pedigree for the pin at 25:45.

Rating: D. Why does HHH do this? They could have had the same match with at least ten minutes chopped off but for some reason we needed to get HHH’s latest big epic match, no matter how much people aren’t interested in seeing it. This was terrible with Batista looking like a shell of his glory days (fair enough) and the match going WAY longer than it should have. Horrible match, and did you expect anything else given this style of match’s history?

The B Team model Daniel Bryan WWE Champion shirts but here’s Ron Simmons for the joke.

JBL is your next guest commentator.

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

This is Angle’s retirement match as he can barely get in the ring without injuring himself these days and needs to limp away for good. Corbin is here because we all did something horrible in a past life. Angle goes after him to start but gets knocked into the corner to put him in early trouble. Corbin takes it to the corner and pounds away before mocking Angle’s family a bit. A missed middle rope ax handle sends Corbin throat first into the rope so Angle snaps off some suplexes for two.

Angle walks into a big boot but is fine enough to grab a quickly broken ankle lock. Deep Six gives Corbin two more but he misses a charge, allowing the Angle Slam to connect for two. The straps come down and the ankle lock goes on until Corbin rolls him into the corner for the break. Corbin throws in a You Can’t See Me so Angle punches him into more rolling German suplexes. The moonsault misses though and the End of Days finishes Kurt’s career at 5:59.

Rating: D. Angle does seem fine with putting Corbin over on the way out but this was another step in the seemingly eternal nonsense that was/is the Corbin push. It’s a lot to take and while I can live with Angle going out on his back, it’s a lot to take because Corbin really is going way above his pay grade every time he’s in a match like this.

Post match Angle thanks the fans and asks for one more YOU SUCK chant for the road.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with Lio Rush, is defending and they’ve traded the title, so tonight it’s the Demon to make the match feel big. Balor gets a special entrance by coming down off a raised platform, though it’s not as creepy as his NXT entrances. Lashley has very bright green contacts in for some reason. Some early dropkicks put Lashley on the floor and Balor takes him out with a dive for a bonus.

A hard drive into the apron cuts Balor off though and there’s a suplex to make it worse. Lashley clotheslines him hard to the floor but a Sling Blade gets Balor out of trouble. Rush’s distraction lets Lashley hit a HARD spear through the ropes though and a regular one gets two back inside. Balor fights out of a powerbomb and hits one of his own, setting up the Coup de Grace for the pin and the title at 4:01.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough for something that was going so fast but at the same time, the booking still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Balor has already shown that he can beat Lashley so now he needs to bring up the powers to win? And the extraordinary thing was just a powerbomb? I’m glad to see the Demon again but this wasn’t exactly the most logical thing in the world.

Here’s Alexa Bliss to announce the attendance record of 82,265. Cue R-Truth and Carmella for the Wrestlemania Dance Break (Remember those?).

We recap the main event of Raw Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey and Smackdown Women’s Champion Charlotte defending against Becky Lynch in a winner take all match. Rousey is the unstoppable force, Charlotte is Charlotte and Becky is here because she’s the hottest name in wrestling at the moment and won the Royal Rumble. Tonight the winner leaves with both titles and it’s the biggest women’s match in history.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is challenging both. In a nod to her father and the Four Horsemen, Charlotte lance in a helicopter outside and walks into the stadium. Already inside, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts play Rousey to the ring. There is something so cool about watching Becky walk down the ramp in a wide shot as Cole talks about how she has started a movement. I’m not sure if that is the right term but it looked awesome. The bell rings and even a year later I still can’t believe this happened. The women’s division was a joke just a few years ago and now it’s the biggest match of the year. That’s hard to believe and it’s very cool.

They stare at each other for a good bit to start until Becky goes after Rousey’s arm. Rousey kicks her to the floor without much trouble and that means a Samoan drop into the barricade. Charlotte follows and takes Piper’s Pit but pops right back up for a fall away slam to send Rousey into the barricade for a change. That sets up the required Charlotte vs. Becky fight with Becky getting the better of things but can’t get the Figure Four, allowing Rousey to come and hammer away.

Charlotte breaks up an armbar attempt but gets pulled into a triangle choke over the ropes. Becky hits a running dropkick though and Rousey falls HARD onto the floor in a nasty crash. That leaves Charlotte to knee Becky in the head as the fans get behind Becky in a big way. Charlotte’s moonsault hits knees and Becky gets the Disarm-Her but Rousey make the save in a hurry. A double Natural Selection gives Charlotte two each and it’s Becky going outside this time.

For some reason Charlotte tries to slug it out with Rousey, earning herself a knee to the head. Charlotte pulls her into a Boston crab, drawing Becky in for her own save. Becky and Charlotte slug it out again until Charlotte is sent to the apron. Charlotte gets caught up top with a super Bexploder for two but Rousey drops both of them with a high crossbody for a double near fall. The double armbar goes on so Becky and Charlotte powerbomb her for the break. It took three attempts but they finally got out.

Everyone is down for a bit until Becky hits a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte. Rousey goes after Becky and gets pulled straight into the Disarm-Her so she uses the ropes to power up in the corner. That’s fine with Becky, who puts it on again in the corner until Charlotte boots her in the face. Charlotte’s super Spanish Fly gets two but she might have banged up her knee. Rousey’s knee is banged up as well so Charlotte stomps away and grabs the Figure Four around the post.

After sending Becky into the barricade, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight but Becky dives in off the top for another save. Just because, let’s bring in a table but Charlotte decks Becky for taking too long to set it up. Rousey shoves Charlotte off the top and turns the table over because she doesn’t need it. A double spear takes down Becky and Rousey so Charlotte sets up the table in the corner.

Charlotte sends Rousey face first into the table and spears Becky for two more. Back up and Charlotte gets hiptossed through the table, leaving Becky and Rousey to have the slugout we’ve been waiting for. They throw some serious hands but Piper’s Pit is countered into a crucifix (with Rousey’s shoulder a good six inches off the mat in a bad botch) to give Becky both titles at 21:28.

Rating: B. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t watch it in one sitting this time around but I liked the match a good bit better on a second viewing. These three beat each other up and while Becky winning was the presumed finish, it wasn’t entirely a lock given who she was in there against. It was a heck of a fight and the three of them all came out looking great. This is much more historic than good, but it’s really rather good and that’s always a positive way to go out.

Rousey is ticked as Becky celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The positives are better than the negatives but not by much. There are some flat out bad matches on here but they are overcome by some great feelings with the faces winning all of the big matches for a change. That felt like an old school style as for the first time in what felt like forever, they didn’t cut the fans off for the sake of dragging things out until later. For once it felt like a season finale and that’s what Wrestlemania should be when it gets the chance. Good show, but it could have been a lot better.

How you ask? CUT THE SHOW DOWN! Look at how long this show is and tell me that it’s well put together. There is no need for a sixteen match card, especially with some of the matches that feel tacked on. All three Tag Team Title matches feel like they’re here for the sake of being here and some of the matches just need to be shortened. Either that or find a way to get people to the ring faster. I know it seems simple but how much of these shows are spent on ring entrances alone? Just find a way to shorten things, please.

Overall there are more good things than bad, but this isn’t a show that you need to watch in one sitting. As soon as you get to the point where the show is five hours plus an episode of Smackdown before it starts (and a Smackdown with more wrestling than usual at that), you’re hitting a firm ceiling of how much you can enjoy this. I know you can’t cut out big chunks, but find a way to get this under six hours. Do that and it’s a lot better, but that has been the case for years now and it keeps getting longer. Either way, at least we had enough nice stuff on here, but don’t watch it all at once.

Ratings Comparison

Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C+

Redo: C

Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

Original: C

Redo: D+

Men’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

Original: C+

Redo: B

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Original: D

Redo: D

Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A-

Redo: A

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns

Original: C-

Redo: D

Batista vs. HHH

Original: D+

Redo: D

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

Original: F

Redo: D

Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: C

Redo: C

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same all around, but some of those earlier ones are a good bit off. Still though, too long, despite some of the very good parts.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxv-so-much-for-no-happy-endings/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

As long as this show is going to be, there’s something special about getting to see it every year. This year’s show is built around the three major matches and the question of how many happy endings we can have. You know it’s not going to be all three, but which of the three doesn’t go through. Those matches consist of Universal Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins, Smackdown World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston and the winner take all match for both Women’s titles as Ronda Rousey faces Charlotte and Becky Lynch in a genuinely historic main event. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Nese is challenging after winning a tournament and wastes no time in trying a jumping knee. Murphy gets sent outside but is fine enough to drop Nese ribs first onto the turnbuckle as we go split screen for an ad. Well at least they didn’t do this during the TV build. Back to full with Nese fighting out of a chinlock and suplexing the champ into the corner. Murphy gets tied in the ropes for a Lionsault but catches Nese with a superkick. A spinning faceplant gets two and some knees to the face have Nese in more trouble.

Nese is fine enough to hit a reverse hurricanrana and they trade a series of strikes to the face. Nese’s kneeling over the back piledriver gets two, followed by the 450 for the same. Murphy is right back up with Murphy’s Law but Nese gets a foot on the rope. With nothing else working, Murphy tries Nese’s running knee in the corner but walks into a superkick. A German suplex into the corner sets up the real running knee to give Nese the pin and the title at 10:43.

Rating: C+. Pretty good stuff here, even if I can’t imagine Nese holding the title very long. He’s the New York guy so it makes sense to have him win the title for a feel good moment. It wasn’t the most surprising thing in the world but it’s a good idea to open the night with a mostly short but effective match. Not bad at all, though Nese is a short term champion at best.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Lana, Nikki Cross, Asuka, Mickie James, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Ruby Riott, Sarah Logan, Liv Morgan, Zelina Vega, Dana Brooke, Eve Torres, Mandy Rose, Candice LeRae, Maria Kanellis, Sonya Deville, Carmella

It’s a wild brawl to start with Nikki Cross chasing Maria in a circle and getting rid of her. Asuka sends Nikki out and LeRae is out as well. Ember Eclipses Lana (as Captain Marvel) and knocks out Naomi, followed by another Eclipse to Mandy. Lana manages to get rid of Ember and insists that she’s #1 before kicking Sane in the face. Sane goes up and gets shoved to the apron, leaving us with a Lana vs. Logan staredown.

The Riott Squad gets together and dumps Lana but Sane is back in with the Insane Elbow on Logan. The Squad gets rid of Sane though and Logan lifts Morgan up for a flipping Stunner on Vega. Now it’s Asuka taking the triple teaming but she slides back in from the apron. Dana of all people fights back against the Squad and gets rid of Ruby. Logan is out as well but Vega blocks a cartwheel elbow.

Mandy and Sonya get rid of Vega and Brooke as we’re down to Logan, Rose, Deville, James and Asuka. James superkicks Mandy out but gets eliminated by Sonya to get us to three. Asuka sends Deville to the apron but Logan dumps both of them out….as Carmella slides back in, JUST LIKE LAST YEAR. Carmella knocks Logan over but Logan keeps her feet above the floor. A superkick gets rid of Logan to give Carmella the win at 10:30.

Rating: D. Hey, remember last year when someone snuck back in at the end and won the Women’s Battle Royal in a big surprise despite doing nothing coming into the match where someone could have gotten something out of it? No particular reason for asking of course. The match was your usual deal of everyone standing around until it was time for them to be eliminated until the ending. It was shorter than last year’s though and that’s an improvement. Oh and so much for Lacey Evans winning the thing as a surprise.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

The Revival is defending and this wasn’t announced on the Kickoff Show. Dawson takes Hawkins into the corner to start and gets two off a rollup. It’s off to Ryder vs. Wilder, the latter of whom gets the loudest cheer of his career after he decked the guy who jumped Bret last night. An armbar keeps Ryder down and Dawson comes back in to rip at Ryder’s face. Ryder gets in a suplex and tosses Wilder into the corner but Dawson knocks Hawkins off the apron.

We hit the chinlock on Ryder for a bit until he backdrops his way to freedom, allowing the hot tag to Hawkins. A backslide gets two on Dawson and Wilder gets knocked off the apron. The double clothesline gives us a double knockdown and it’s back to Ryder. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson and Ryder suplex suplexes Wilder to the floor for a scary crash. Hawkins throws Ryder back in for the tag but Wilder breaks up the cover.

Wilder DDTs Ryder on the floor and Hawkins takes a brainbuster to put all four down on the floor. Back in Dawson is rather cocky about beating Hawkins, who seems to be a bit dead. You never want to be too cocky in wrestling though and it’s a small package to pin Dawson for the titles at 13:21.

Rating: C. Ignoring Hawkins losing 269 matches in a row and not having a win since November 2016, Ryder not winning a non-Main Event match on TV since December 2016 and the team not winning a match together since 2008, this makes perfect sense. The love for the New York fans is strong tonight, which makes me wonder what kind of horrible things they have in mind for the main card. Just let the Revival go sit at home until their contracts are up though because I’d rather they go out with just this humiliation rather than seeing what else WWE could think of for them.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Colin Jost, Michael Che, Braun Strowman, Otis, Tucker, Kalisto, Gran Metalik, Lince Dorado, Ali, Titus O’Neil, Konnor, Viktor, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Andrade, Jinder Mahal, Harper, Bo Dallas, Bobby Roode, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, No Way Jose, Tyler Breeze, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Rhyno, Shelton Benjamin, EC3

Hey Harper is back. The SNL guys bail to the floor as Breeze and EC3 are both out. Shelton and Dorado are eliminated as well with Strowman throwing everyone he comes near. Harper vs. Strowman gets a big reaction but everyone piles onto them to break it up. Titus misses a charge and gets eliminated, followed by Ali tornado DDTing Jose and tossing him. Strowman gets sent into the post and goes through the ropes to the floor as Anderson is tossed.

Rhyno is out as well and the Hardys get into a mini match with Roode/Gable, with Roode being eliminated. Metalik gets thrown out by Mahal and Andrade monkey flips Kalisto out. There goes Gable as the ring is clearing out in a hurry. Tucker runs the Ascension over and there’s a double Caterpillar to both of them. The Ascension is thrown out but Strowman tosses Heavy Machinery.

Mahal is out next as Harper tries to suplex Ali, only to have Strowman kick them both out at the same time. We’re down to Strowman, Che, Jost, Matt, Jeff, Apollo and Andrade. Apollo and Andrade go to the apron and Andrade snaps off a hurricanrana to eliminate both of them in a dumb move. The Hardys try to pull Strowman out but the SNL guys come in and fail to throw them out.

Strowman shrugs them off and dumps the Hardys, leaving him alone with Jost and Che. One of them grabs a mic and says this doesn’t have to end in violence, so here’s his therapist to talk Strowman through this. Strowman beats him up and gives him a chokeslam (good thing the therapist knows how to take a flat back bump) before slapping Che out. A running boot in the corner misses and Jost goes for the elimination but gets shoved away. Strowman throws him out for the win at 10:24.

Rating: D. Yeah it was stupid and the SNL guys were annoying, but it was on the Kickoff Show and the right person won so I can’t complain all that much. Strowman should have won something bigger than this but at least he comes away with something instead of just being tossed out like anyone else. You know, like they did with Asuka in the first match.

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful.

Helicopters fly over the stadium instead of the usual planes.

The opening video features wrestlers talking about this being the biggest stage and them being the players and storytellers. We see stills of famous Wrestlemania moments as the wrestlers talk about having the chance to live forever. They switch into a regular video of everyone involved with Lynch saying that they are the storytellers. This is a great idea, but not exactly practical when you consider that this is Wrestlemania GET EVERYONE ON THE CARD.

Here’s Wrestlemania host Alexa Bliss to say that Wrestlemania needs a goddess. She snaps her fingers…..and here’s Hulk Hogan. Well that works. Hogan: “It’s great to be back here in the Silverdome brother!” Ok that was funny. Hogan: “Ok it’s great to be back here in the MetLife Center!” He hits the catchphrase and poses with Bliss as Paul Heyman of all people storms out between the two of them. Heyman goes to the ring and says if they’re not closing the show, they’re not hanging around. They’re getting their business done and going to Las Vegas where Lesnar is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar is defending. Rollins has a new BEAST SLAYER graphic but Brock knees him off the apron and it’s an F5 on the floor before the bell rings. Lesnar throws him into various things at ringside and then over the announcers’ table a few times. They get inside but the referee won’t start the match because Rollins isn’t ready. Lesnar tosses him outside again for another whip over the announcers’ table and through the top piece of the table.

They go back inside and Rollins is mostly dead but gets to his feet for the opening bell. Three straight German suplexes let Lesnar bounce as Rollins’ back is all kinds of pretty colors. The F5 is escaped and the ref is bumped, allowing Rollins to hit the low row. Rollins hits the low superkick and the Stomp connects. A second and third Stomp give Rollins the title at 2:30.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary.

Randy Orton vs. AJ Styles

The CGI graphics are back with Orton’s being a HUGE snake that made me jump. Battle over respect between the two of them as Orton has asked why it took AJ so long to get here. An early RKO attempt is blocked so Orton goes with a thumb to the eye and the Orton Stomp. AJ gets back up with the dropkick and the slingshot forearm to the floor drops Orton again. Orton is thrown back in and knocks AJ into the barricade. The chinlock doesn’t last long as AJ fights up with the Phenomenal Blitz and a basement forearm.

The Styles Clash is blocked and Orton tries the hanging DDT, which is reversed into the Calf Crusher. Once the rope is grabbed AJ goes to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but drops back down as Orton jumps for the RKO and crashes, allowing AJ to hit the springboard 450 for two. Orton is back up with the top rope superplex as the fans are interested in something else.

The hanging DDT plants AJ and Orton plays to the crowd to get their attention back. The RKO is countered with an enziguri but the second attempt connects for two. It feels like it’s been awhile since anyone kicked out of that. With the regular version not working, Orton loads up a super RKO but gets kicked out to the floor. That means a Phenomenal Forearm to the outside and the regular one finishes Orton at 16:17.

Rating: B-. This was about what you would have expected with good action between two talented veterans. AJ knowing that the RKO counter was coming was fine and the ending was as decisive as you could get with AJ surviving the RKO and winning clean. It’s a perfectly good match and it’s not like the two of them have anything else to do at the moment. Expect a rematch next month.

Lacey Evans cameo, though this time she stops to sneer at the crowd.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar

The Usos are defending. Jey and Black start things off but Sheamus tags himself in and low bridges Jey to the floor. Black gets taken down and it’s Rusev coming in to hold Black up for a kick from Rusev. It’s off to Ricochet with the springboard clothesline for two on Nakamura before spinning around Cesaro multiple times for a headscissors.

That just earns him a shot to the face and it’s time to swing Ricochet while Sheamus beats on Rusev’s chest. Nakamura tries to make a save so Sheamus beats on him as well, followed by the same to Jey and Black, all while Ricochet is swinging Ricochet for well over a minute. The Sharpshooter goes on with Jey making the save, earning himself a trip to the floor with his brother.

We settle down (kind of) to Black bringing in Ricochet, who gets caught by Rusev in a swinging release Rock Bottom. Everyone goes to the corner for the required Tower of Doom, with Ricochet rolling through because he’s Ricochet and more awesome than you. Black knees Sheamus down and Ricochet hits the 630 for two with a bunch of people diving in for the save. We get a parade of kicks to the face with Sheamus taking the double superkick. The Double Us retains the Usos’ titles at 10:05.

Rating: C+. The big spots helped a lot here and it felt like an amped up Smackdown match, which is one of the best things that you can have in this situation. There’s no other way you can go with no story and the match being thrown together on Smackdown. Just have them do the spots and do the best they can, like Ricochet sticking the landing and that insane swing.

Recap of the Hall of Fame.

Honky Tonk Man (Long overdue)

Harlem Heat (More than deserved)

Torrie Wilson (The bar has been lowered)

Brutus Beefcake (Sure why not)

Hart Foundation (Yep, and may I add yep)

Sue Aitchison, with John Cena’s 600^th Make-A-Wish (Nothing wrong with that)

D-Generation X (Fine, though they feel weak for headliners)

We recap Shane McMahon vs. The Miz in the feud that WWE cares about and thinks we do too. Miz’s dad is a horrible person and only cared about his son when Miz started teaming with Shane, who didn’t like having to fix Miz’s daddy issues. Tonight it’s Falls Count Anywhere to blow it off.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere. Shane makes Greg Hamilton do his entrance three times, with the third being held out extra long. Miz’s dad is in the front row so Shane goes straight to the floor to choke him. The chase is on but Shane gets in a monitor shot to the head. The big elbow through the announcers’ table is loaded up so Miz’s dad gets in the way. Still doesn’t help the fact that he’s a horrible father.

Dad gets in the ring and puts up his fists so Shane jumps him. The beating brings Miz back into the ring to take Shane apart and send him into the barricade before checking on his dad. With the medics taking care of Papa Miz, Miz tackles Shane over the barricade and they head into the crowd, eventually going to the tech arena near one of the towers that holds up the structure above the ring. They go into an open area of the crowd with Miz hitting Shane in the foot with a chair.

Another shot to the back lets Miz knock Shane over to the international commentators station where tables are overturned. A chokeslam puts Shane through the table for two and a monitor shot knocks Shane over a barricade and down into the shadows (cool visual). Miz follows and gets a delayed two as replays show Shane landing on top of a golf cart.

They fight up a camera tower ala HHH vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania XVII with Miz hitting a Skull Crushing Finale onto a metal platform for two. Shane gets in a shot to the face and climbs to the top of the tower as this isn’t going to go well. Miz follows him up and gets rather stalkerish as he stares Shane down to one knee. Shane begs off so Miz hammers away and suplexes him off the tower onto a crashpad….with Shane landing on top for the pin at 15:38.

Rating: C-. Why not. Why not. WHY THE #$**#%%!!@# NOT! Why shouldn’t we spend five months building this up and giving Shane McMahon a title before having him win at Wrestlemania? I’m sure this will continue, because going from November until April isn’t long enough for a Shane McMahon story. That’s just great.

The match itself was your usual walking around the stadium fight with Miz dominating through most of it until the end. The deal with Miz’s dad was a cool moment but they should have brought him out later on in the match instead of so close to the beginning. Not bad overall, but the ending was stupid.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Bayley and Sasha Banks are defending. The IIconics are a devil (Billie) and a black winged angel (Peyton). Natalya and Beth are in matching pink and black so here’s Bret Hart to stand with them on the stage and then go to the back. It’s a brawl to start with Nia being sent into the steps. We settle down to Peyton getting beaten up but Billie helps her out, allowing them to hit their superhero pose.

Beth gets bulldogged onto Billie’s knee with the kickout making Peyton scream. Natalya comes in for a Hart Attack for two on Billie with Bayley making the save. It’s off to Sasha, who is taken down without too much effort. Natalya and Beth lift Sasha into the air so Bayley makes the save and throws Bayley at Beth for the Bank Statement but Beth powers out as you probably expected.

Natalya puts Bayley and Sasha in the Sharpshooter at the same time until Tamina breaks it up with a superkick. Nia gets back in and starts crushing people, setting up Nia and Tamina going up top at the same time. Beth saves Banks from death by shoving Nia off and Sasha drops the frog splash for two on Natalya. Beth is back up and takes Bayley to the top for a super Glam Slam….but Billie comes in and steals the pin and the title at 10:46.

Rating: D. Some of the spots were good but at the same time, there were too many people running around and it hurt things a lot. I do like the IIconics coming in and stealing the belts as it certainly fits their style better (Do they even have a regular finisher?). But yeah, just too much going on when it didn’t need to be the case. Drop Beth and Natalya and it would have fit better, but I guess the Beth Phoenix fan club needed one more moment?

The helicopter pilots from earlier are here.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan. Kingston has basically done everything there is to do in the company outside of winning the World Title. He got close in the Elimination Chamber but couldn’t quite pull it off. Vince McMahon then decided to throw one challenge after another at him with Kofi coming up just short every time until Big E. and Xavier Woods won a tag team gauntlet match to get him the title shot. If Kofi doesn’t win here, I don’t know if he ever will.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging with New Day in his corner while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a present for Kofi, but only after he wins. They go to the mat to start with Kofi sticking the landing off a monkey flip to send Bryan outside. That means the big dive over the top as the roster is watching in the locker room again, where there is a total of one single monitor showing the match. Back in and Kofi tries to jump a little too much, allowing Bryan to pull him down into a surfboard.

Some forearms to the back of the head seem to wake Kofi up and it’s a clothesline into the Boom Drop. Bryan bails outside and Kofi dives after, only to crash onto the announcers’ table ribs first. Back in and we hit the waistlock for a good while as Bryan stays on the ribs. He switches over to the Boston crab, eventually stepping to the side to make it half Liontamer. With that broken, Bryan loads up a belly to back superplex but gets elbowed down three times in a row.

Kofi drops a top rope splash to the back for two but the ribs are banged up again in the process. Trouble in Paradise misses and they go to some rollups for near falls until Kofi kicks him in the head. Bryan stops him with a stomp out of the corner and busts out the YES pose for a nice callback. The running knee is countered into a rollup and SOS gets two but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock in the middle of the ring.

The long crawl gets Kofi’s leg on the rope and Bryan is starting to get mad. The kicks to the ribs have Kofi in trouble but he fires back kicks of his own, capped off by a reverse suplex (ok then) for a close two. Rowan goes after New Day but Kofi hits him with Trouble in Paradise, followed by the Midnight Hour on the floor. Bryan’s suicide dive is countered by a right hand but Trouble in Paradise misses, allowing Bryan to hit the running knee for two, causing the fans to build a roof on the stadium and then blow it off.

Bryan has had it and starts stomping the head as Woods and Big E. watch on. The LeBell Lock goes on and the referee checks the arm….which stays up. Bryan hits him in the face and pulls again but Kofi rolls out and hammers away at Bryan, who won’t let go of Kofi’s hand. That lets Kofi stomp away for a change and Bryan is done, setting up Trouble in Paradise to give Kofi the pin and the title at 23:41.

Rating: A-. I mean….they could have gone out there and demonstrated how to make a pimento loaf and it wouldn’t have mattered as long as they had that ending. That was a genuine Wrestlemania moment and you could feel what it meant to everyone. This was incredible and one of the best moments they could have had. Eleven years ago, Kofi had the worst debut match I’ve ever seen and now he’s WWE Champion at Wrestlemania. Not too shabby.

Post match Woods pulls off the cover and unveils the non-wooden title so Kofi can pose with the right design, already complete with custom side plates. Kofi’s kids come in to celebrate and now it’s time to open the present. It’s a new New Day shirt with Kofi holding the title.

We recap the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Bliss, now in a different outfit, goes in to see Jost and Che as they’re checked for injuries. She says don’t worry because they’re in good hands….because Scott Hall and Kevin Nash are the doctors? And giving them prostate exams? Am I missing a joke here?

Booker T. joins commentary.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and I believe he’s dressed as Mysterio from Spider-Man. Joe goes straight at him and Rey hits a 619 in less than a minute. Rey’s wheelbarrow bulldog is countered into the Koquina Clutch….and Rey is out at 1:00. So I’m thinking he’s still a bit injured? Booker: “I DID ALL MY PREP WORK FOR THAT???”

Trailer for Batista’s new movie.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns is back from leukemia and needed a first singles match. Drew took out both Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins and is promising to do the same to Reigns tonight.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre is played to the ring by the New York Police Department Bagpipe Band. Reigns lowers his head to start and gets kicked in the face but what looked to be a powerslam is escaped. That means a legdrop to the back of the head over the middle rope but Drew is right back with the Glasgow Kiss. The chinlock has Reigns in more trouble until Drew takes him outside for a suplex, thereby upping the total amount of trouble.

The reverse Alabama Slam gives Drew two and he tells Reigns he should have said no. A flipping slam off the top has Reigns down again as Drew tells him that he broke the Shield. The Future Shock (Drew: “THIS ONE IS FOR AMBROSE!”) is broken up so Drew slaps him in the face. A big boot sends Drew outside and it’s a Samoan drop on the floor. Back in and the jumping clothesline puts Drew down, followed by the Superman Punch to do it again. The spear finishes Drew at 10:10.

Rating: C-. Totally standard Raw main event with Drew trying but not having a prayer of winning. There’s only so much you can do when everything is against you like this and Drew tried as hard as he can. Just getting this spot is Drew’s big win of the night and that’s not the worst place to be. He’ll be back and do just fine because he’s that good.

Here’s Elias to play some drums rather well. Now he’s at a piano (teleporting from one to the other) and does quite splendidly there too. Now he’s in the middle of the ring with his guitar. Elias the drummer and Elias the piano player play him in and he continues to have chops. Piano and Drum take a bow and now guitar Elias is on his own. The fans sing a little OH WALK WITH ELIAS and Elias promises more versions of himself, including a harpsichord player. As he starts his song, a SPECIAL BULLETIN appears on screen showing….the 1932 World Series?

Babe Ruth calls his shot (yes he did) and hits a home run….and here’s John Cena to Basic Thuganomics. Well you know the Yankees gear is making his skin crawl. Cena says Elias got the worst deal because John Cena is about to turn heel. He feels like he’s watching one of his movies because this whole thing sucks.

Cena isn’t feeling it because this is a wasted wrestling experiment. Cena: “They call me the golden shovel so I’m about to bury your push.” He throws him some nuts and says there’s no AA today, but here’s an FU. Cena lays him out with the knuckles and plants him with the FU. This worked well as Cena is often at his best when he’s making fun of himself.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Batista wanted one more match with HHH to end their careers on his terms so he beat up Ric Flair to get HHH’s attention. The match is on and it’s No Holds Barred.

Shawn Michaels is on commentary.

Batista vs. HHH

No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista slips through the ropes on the way into the ring before heading outside to glare at Shawn. He even walks around the ring and does his entrance again, this time without the slipping. HHH’s entrance video seems to be inspired by Mad Max and shows a road race. The stage opens up and the car drives out with HHH on the back. I’ve seen worse.

Batista drives him into the corner to start but gets elbowed out to the floor. They fight to the floor with HHH going over the announcers’ table but managing to pull out a tool box to hit Batista in the head. Now it’s a chain to whip Batista in the back and choke a bit before going for some pliers. Batista’s finger gets bent back and HHH stomps on the pliers to make it even worse. Now it’s time for some needle nose pliers, but first he sits in a chair on Batista’s throat. HHH: “THAT’S A NICE NOSE RING!” And then he rips it out with the pliers!

Graves: “Batista won’t be able to be a guardian of the house like this! This guy is my boss!” Batista heads to the floor (Shawn: “His nose is bleeding!” Graves: “YOU THINK???”) and drops HHH onto the announcers’ table three times in a row without breaking the thing. Some chairs to the back keep HHH in trouble and they head back inside with Batista busting out a White Noise of all things.

Back to the floor with Batista putting the steps onto an announcers’ table and clearing off a second one, complete with a point to Shawn. The Batista Bomb off the steps is countered with a backdrop and the table STILL doesn’t break. Good grief where have those tables been all these years? HHH gets up, throws a crotch chop, and spears Batista through the German table. They slowly get back inside and HHH (eventually) finds a sledgehammer.

That just earns him a spear for two but a charge with the hammer is cut off by HHH’s raised boot. The spinebuster connects and it’s time for the Batista Bomb, with HHH dropping the hammer on his way down. That gets two and Batista brings the steps inside. He takes too long punching in the corner (right in front of the steps because wrestlers never learn) and gets powerbombed down onto the steps.

The Pedigree….only gets two as this keeps going. Batista gets in a DDT onto the steps and things stop again but here’s Ric Flair (I was waiting on him) to hand HHH a sledgehammer. HE COULDN’T DO THIS TEN MINUTES AGO??? HHH uses the steps to launch into a sledgehammer shot to the head but Batista pops back up so he can eat the Pedigree for the pin at 24:49. You know, because a JUMPING HAMMER TO THE HEAD isn’t enough to pin someone.

Rating: D+. The first ten minutes of this was very good but, as tends to be the case for almost any HHH match anymore, it went on too long because there was way too much laying around between moves. The ending looked ridiculous as well but that’s another situation. What they did early on was entertaining and brutal (that pliers thing was nuts) but I was looking at the clock near the end, which happens way too often.

Alexa Bliss (outfit #3) has the B Team model AND STILL CHAMPION Daniel Bryan shirts. Ron Simmons comes in for the cameo.

JBL joins commentary.

Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin

No Angle video package? Angle snaps off a belly to belly suplex but gets taken down early on. The rolling German suplexes give Kurt two but the Angle Slam is broken up for a big boot. The ankle lock is countered into Deep Six for two and Corbin is already getting frustrated. Kurt hits the Angle Slam for two but Corbin is right back and says You Can’t See Me. That odd taunt lets Angle roll some more German suplexes….and Kurt goes up. The moonsault misses as it always does…and the End of Days gives Corbin the pin at 6:00.

Rating: F. The idea of Kurt Angle losing to Baron Corbin in his last match is a failure. Not because it’s Angle last match. Not because the match wasn’t good. Not because WHY? But because we now have to deal with more Baron Corbin on Raw as more fans’ heads explode as we try to figure out what WWE sees in him. I’m sure this was Angle’s decision and while I can respect that, someone named McMahon should have overridden him.

Post match Angle wants his music played one last time so we can get in one more YOU SUCK. That’s exactly what he gets, as he should.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with special contacts in, is defending and Balor is the Demon, making its Wrestlemania debut. Balor hits a spinwheel kick and ax kick to the back, followed by a dropkick to put him on the floor. There’s the big flip dive but Lashley catches him with a spinebuster back inside. Lashley hits a heck of a spear through the ropes to drive Balor to the floor, followed by a regular one for two back inside. Balor gets back up and powerbombs Lashley (good one too) and the Coup de Grace gives Balor the title back at 4:04.

Rating: C. The spots were good (that spear was awesome) and the powerbomb looked awesome, but the problem is they didn’t need to do the Demon here. I get why they did it and it makes sense to do it at Wrestlemania, but at the same time what’s the point in having him do it if he can already beat Lashley and Lio Rush? It’s a good enough match, but this story was them trading the title and then the Demon doing what regular Balor could do.

Alexa (#4) announces the new WWE attendance record of 82,265. She thinks we need a break though so here are R-Truth and Carmella for the world’s largest dance break.

Wrestlemania XXXVI is in Tampa Bay on April 5, 2020.

We recap the women’s triple threat match. Becky Lynch has become the people’s champion, Charlotte is the Smackdown Women’s Champion and the corporate pick and Ronda Rousey is the Raw Women Champion and the unstoppable force. Tonight is winner take all for both belts, but it’s much more about the history because the match is actually headlining the show.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Ronda is Raw Women’s Champion and Charlotte is Smackdown Women’s Champion….and she comes in via helicopter and lands in the parking lot, where a red carpet is rolled out for her in a Horseman homage. Since she has to walk a good ways into the stadium, here are Joan Jett and the Blackhearts to play Ronda to the ring. The bell rings at 12:01am and Becky goes straight for the Disarm-Her on Ronda but gets shoved away so they can all head outside.

That means a Piper’s Pit for both of them and Ronda starts the trash talk. Charlotte gets up and sends Rousey into the barricade, setting up a showdown with Charlotte inside. The Disarm-Her to Becky is broken up and it’s Ronda coming back in to kick Becky in the face. A double powerbomb over the top is countered into a double armbar on Becky and Charlotte. Becky escapes and dropkicks Ronda to the floor for a NASTY crash on her back. Charlotte Downward Spirals Becky into the buckle for two as we look at Rousey landing square on her back again.

Becky is right back with the Disarm-Her but Ronda comes back to life and makes the save. A running knee breaks up the armbar on Becky and Charlotte hits a double Natural Selection for two each. Becky gets sent outside so Charlotte chops Ronda, who tells her to bring it. That’s just what Charlotte does with a backhand to the face so Ronda hits a jumping knee, which is countered into a Liontamer. Becky breaks it up with a bulldog and hits a double DDT for two each.

A super Bexploder gets two on Charlotte, setting up a double high crossbody from Rousey. The double armbar is countered with a double powerbomb Ronda is done for the moment. Becky calls Charlotte to her and avoids a charge, letting Becky kick her to the floor. The Disarm-Her goes on and Rousey uses the ropes to stand up for the break. A missed charge lets Becky get the Disarm-Her in the corner until Charlotte’s big boot breaks it up.

Charlotte starts in on Rousey’s knee and gets the Figure Four but Becky comes off the top with a legdrop for the save. And now, a table because that’s what this match was calling for. Rousey breaks up a powerbomb through the table and turns the table over, saying tables are for b****** (at least the third time she’s used that word so far). Charlotte comes back in for a double spear as Cole’s voice is almost gone.

The table is set up in the corner and Charlotte gets two off a spear to Becky. Rousey gets back up and helps Becky drive Charlotte somewhat through the table to knock her outside. The fight is on and Rousey goes with a Shining Wizard and tries Piper’s Pit….but gets reversed into a crucifix to give Becky the pin and the titles at 22:27!

Rating: B. The ending was straight out of Angle vs. Benoit at Wrestlemania XVII with the submission attempts all match until the quick pinfall. What matters here is Becky defeated Rousey to win the titles as she should have. That was how this show needed to end and it did, even if the ending could have been a bit smoother. Charlotte will be fine and I’m curious to see who goes after Becky as the first victim.

Replays show Rousey’s shoulders were WAY up so there’s your story going forward (if Rousey sticks around). Cole: “Tonight will forever be known as WrestleMANia!” Oh just stop dude. Pyro and posing takes us out.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s get the things I got wrong out of the way first. First: this was WAY better than I was expecting after last year’s near nightmare of a show. Second: they actually did give us three happy endings, which I said several times would not happen. I’m very glad to be wrong on that, but I certainly was wrong. Third: yeah HHH vs. Batista went on too long and it brought things down. I had high hopes and they didn’t come through.

Now for the good stuff: the right people won (mostly) and the big matches all went to the right people. For the first time in way too long, we had something to cheer about. If that’s it for Lesnar at the moment, thank goodness because he needs to go away for a long time and leave the title here. Rollins will be fine as champion for the summer before someone wins Money in the Bank and takes it from him (It’s going to be Corbin isn’t it?). Becky winning was the right way to go also, even if the ending was a little rushed. There’s one big one left though.

Kofi Kingston is WWE Champion. That was one of the best moments I’ve seen WWE put on in years and might pass Bryan in New Orleans. It felt special and you don’t get that often enough, mainly because there was serious doubt if they could actually pull the trigger. I loved that moment and was happier than I’ve been at something in a long time. I’d have loved to see it close the show, but I get why they couldn’t go there. Incredible moment though.

Overall, the pacing was FAR better than what they’ve had in recent years and while there was a lot of stuff they needed to trim down (despite having multiple matches go less than five minutes), it didn’t drag nearly as bad as it has before. It still needs to be shorter by about an hour (at least) and not everyone needs to be on the show, but for what we got, it was one of the better shows in recent memory and we got a genuine Wrestlemania moment. Well done, and it was close to being great.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Brock Lesnar – Stomp

AJ Styles b. Randy Orton – Phenomenal Forearm

Usos b. The Bar, Aleister Black/Ricochet and Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev – Double Us to Sheamus

Shane McMahon b. The Miz – McMahon pinned Shane after a superplex off a camera tower

IIconics b. Boss N Hug Connection, Nia Jax/Tamina and Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Super Glam Slam to Bayley

Kofi Kingston b. Daniel Bryan – Trouble in Paradise

Samoa Joe b. Rey Mysterio – Koquina Clutch

Roman Reigns b. Drew McIntyre – Spear

HHH b. Batista – Pedigree

Baron Corbin b. Kurt Angle – End of Days

Finn Balor b. Bobby Lashley – Coup de Grace

Becky Lynch b. Ronda Rousey and Charlotte – Crucifix to Rousey

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Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

We had to get here again at some point. I sat in the stadium last year for the better part of seven hours watching this show and was pretty entertained for the most part. However, since then I’ve thought back on it a few times and it seems to go all downhill from there. I’m not sure what to expect from this one other than it’s going to take a few days to get through. Let’s get to it.

As we get ready for the pre-show matches, the place might be 10% full at this point as there was some confusion in opening the gates. There were no lines and it was just a sea of humanity trying to get inside.

Pre-Show: Ryback vs. Kalisto

Kalisto, in some ceremonial bird headpiece, is defending and this is your standard bully vs. smaller guy feud. It’s such a weird visual to see people coming to the ring with so few fans in the seats. I’m not sure if it’s going to make a difference but I expect a three part podcast from Ryback about how unfair it was to his career. We get the big staredown to show the match’s story and to show off Ryback’s new trunks.

Ryback plants him off a headlock and easily throws the champ outside. Kalisto gets in a quick bulldog for two but the kickout sends him outside. Some double knees to the chest get the same result and Ryback gets to show off by gorilla pressing Kalisto up the steps and back inside. We take a break and come back with Kalisto taking a hard elbow to the jaw for two.

A running sitout powerslam (kind of like a Michinoku Driver) gets the same and it’s time to slap at the mask. I know Ryback had some issues but he did seem to be trying to mix things up on offense. He deserves credit for trying at least and it’s true that he had some unfair breaks. I just can’t imagine it was as bad as he made it seem.

A delayed superplex is countered into a crossbody for two and the Shell Shock is countered into a quick DDT. The corkscrew crossbody gets two but Ryback plants him again. Kalisto goes to the corner and pulls a turnbuckle pad off. I’m sure you can piece the next step together but in case you’re a bit slow, Ryback goes head first into the buckle and the Salida Del Sol retains the title at 8:57.

Rating: C. Despite the surprise when the title didn’t change hands, this was a snappy little match with the power vs. speed working quite well. Kalisto is the kind of guy who can perform well against anyone and Ryback’s power was a perfect foil. Ryback is still one of the more interesting what if’s in recent years but it’s pretty clear that the guy isn’t all there sometimes, which can make for some messy negotiations.

Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D. and Blonde

Total Divas: Natalya, Brie Bella, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie

B.A.D. and Blonde: Naomi, Lana, Summer Rae, Tamina, Emma

Yes this story is still happening for reasons I’m sure you can figure out for yourself. If nothing else, Wrestlemania is an excuse to see Brie’s legs, which you don’t get for the rest of the year. This is Lana’s only main roster match to date and uh…..yeah this works. Fox elbows the heck out of Summer to start and a sloppy tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. We get the big ten Diva staredown and it’s off to a break because the pre-show is basically Raw.

Back from a break with Eva getting booed out of the stadium and suplexing Emma. A hard tag brings in Natalya and it’s off to Naomi for the dancing kicks. Paige comes in to play Bret to Natalya’s Neidhart (that must have made her smile) on a Hart Attack. It’s back to Emma for a wheelbarrow suplex on Paige before Lana is brought in to the pop of the match so far. Some good looking kicks drop Paige and we hear some trash talk with nothing resembling an accent.

Brie tries to come in so Lana mocks the YES chant in a nice touch. Tamina grabs a chinlock as the rapid tags continue (that’s all you can expect in something like this). A Tower of Doom is teased but instead Paige dives onto a bunch of the women at ringside. Back in and Emma stomps on Paige in the corner but a rollup sends Emma’s head into the buckle.

The hot tag brings in Brie to clean house and it’s time for the parade of secondary finishers. Naomi: “FEEL MY GLOW!!!” By that she means barely get grazed by a split legged moonsault and have Lana shoves Brie off the top. Not that it matters as Brie gets a good looking roll into the YES Lock to make Naomi tap at 11:26.

Rating: D+. Yeah the match was a mess but there’s only so much you can put on the wrestling here. With so many people and so many of them being there as eye candy, there’s only so much they can do. This is the last night for the old Divas style with people being able to use the most basic moves but mainly being there for the sake of their looks. There are FAR worse versions of this match though and this was actually fine for the circumstances.

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in her neck brace in what is supposed to be some big moment.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are heels and refusing to use tables. It’s a brawl to start with the non-brothers cleaning house as the crowd is really filling in now. D-Von cranks on Jimmy’s neck and it’s off to Bubba for some trash talk about Rikishi. The snap punches take too long though and Jimmy gets in a superkick, setting up the hot tag to Jey. Everything breaks down and Jey takes What’s Up. Bubba calls for the tables but again takes too long, earning a double superkick. 3D is broken up as well and Jey superkicks D-Von for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match here as we’re just getting ready for the big show and getting this stuff out of the way. You easily could have cut this match off and no one was going to notice it, especially with so little time. The Dudleys were fine at putting people over but did the Usos really need a win like this? Nothing to see here and it really could have been cut as a way to take some of the time off the main show.

Post match the Dudleyz load up some tables but get splashed through them instead. Cool visual if nothing else.

Fifth Harmony sings a very nice rendition of America the Beautiful.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania and how it’s never been bigger than this. Various legends and legendary moments are shown, as they certainly should be. This transitions into a preview of tonight’s show, including the matches and of course a focus on the Rock’s unspecified role. Nothing out of the ordinary here but as is usually the case with these things, WWE really knows how to make these things look great. Also of note: Kelsey Grammer of all people narrates this.

I’m not a fan of his but Flo Rida’s My House is one of the catchiest theme songs they’ve had in years.

Inter-continental Title: Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn

Owens is defending and this is a ladder match. Originally there were just four people involved but the match fell through with Stephanie making a triple threat for the title shot. That match went to a no contest so LET’S JUST THROW EVERYONE INTO THE MESS OF A MATCH. And people wonder why this title isn’t treated as anything important anymore. Sami gets a very nice pop here but Owens’ blows it away, making him the big crowd favorite.

On the other hand, Stardust (in Dusty polka dots) and Sin Cara come out to near silence, which isn’t exactly the biggest surprise. Finally, Ryder gets to hear his music played at Wrestlemania for the first time ever, which really is a cool moment. Ryder: “I’VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS!!!”

Everyone drops to the floor to start and it’s Owens left alone in the ring. As you might expect, Sami comes in with a ladder and it’s time for the Wrestlemania slugout that you know means the world to them. Kevin gets the better of it and cleans house with the ladder until Cara gets in a ladder shot of his own to take over. Ryder neckbreakers Stardust onto the ladder and Miz throws a different ladder over the top and onto Cara.

Sami and Ziggler knock Miz’s ladder over and there’s the Blue Thunder Bomb, which thankfully doesn’t have to go through the motions of a near fall. Back in and Owens backdrops Sami onto a ladder. Kevin: “THIS IS KO MANIA! GO BACK TO NXT!” Ziggler and Ryder go up but Stardust makes a save to put both guys down again. Cara does the same to Stardust and it’s Sami vs. Miz in the ring.

That doesn’t last long either as Sami dives through a ladder to take out four people at once, followed by the diving tornado DDT on Owens. Cara gets shoved off the ladder but lands on the top rope into a springboard onto another pile of people. Ziggler starts the superkick party so JBL can talk about Shawn Michaels.

Owens comes back in and it’s a double superkick to put everyone down. Stardust pulls out the polka dotted ladder (The Exo Atmospheric Starbird Mark II. I’d call it Larry.) and spins it around his head, only to get caught in a Skull Crushing Finale onto said ladder. Now it’s Sami back in but charging into Kevin’s boot in the corner. A frog splash onto Sami onto a ladder bridged onto the bottom rope crushes everyone (JBL: “That’s the biggest frog I’ve ever seen.”).

Ryder doesn’t quite one up him with the Elbro off another ladder to crush Miz but it still looked cool. I’m not sure why there weren’t more flashbulbs going off either as it was quite the highspot. Ziggler faceplants Ryder off the ladder and comes up favoring his knee. The delay lets Owens powerbomb Ziggler off the ladder and Cara kicks Stardust onto a ladder bridged between the apron and the barricade.

Cara hits the big dive to put Stardust through the ladder, leaving Owens and Zayn to slug it out above the ring. Sami gets the better of it and hits the half and half suplex to drop Owens head first into a ladder (sick looking landing). That lets Sami go up until Miz shoves him over but this time Miz takes too long going up, earning himself a big shove off from Ryder, who climbs the ladder for the huge upset at 15:24.

Rating: B. It’s a fun match and the spots were great but…..RYDER??? I mean…..HE’S ZACK RYDER! As is so often the case, there were too many people in here with guys like Cara and Stardust just being there to add more bodies to the thing. Cut this down to four people (five max) and it’s WAY better but that might mean the title is treated a bit more seriously and we can’t have that. I still think this was supposed to be Neville’s spot until he broke his ankle but it doesn’t really matter.

Ryder’s dad comes in to celebrate with him for a really cool moment.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho. They traded some wins and then formed a short lived team (Y2AJ) but Jericho turned on him when they lost. Jericho was jealous over the AJ STYLES chants and wanted the respect for himself. It’s actually a solid feud and one of the matches people wanted to see, though I could have gone with not having the same match three times before.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho drives him into the corner to start and the AJ STYLES chants are already going nice and strong. Styles gets in a hurricanrana and a snappy armdrag before sending Jericho outside. That should mean a slingshot dive but Jericho dropkicks him out of the air to take over. Back in and a neckbreaker sets up a dragon sleeper for a change of pace.

AJ tries to fight back but gets pulled down into the Walls for some good old fashioned ASK HIM/AHHHH exchanges. A rope is grabbed so AJ can hit the moonsault into a reverse DDT for two. Both guys head to the corner for a super sitout gordbuster and one heck of a crash. The Pele is countered into a Walls attempt but AJ reverses that into the Calf Crusher.

The Styles Clash is broken up and a Codebreaker gets a delayed two (with Cole making sure to say the near fall was due to the delay in a nice touch). For a change of pace, Jericho loads up AJ for the Styles Clash but gets planted face first for two instead. A rollup exchange sets up the real Styles Clash for two and the springboard 450 gets the same. With nothing else left, AJ heads to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Jericho shove the referee away and catch Styles with the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:08.

Rating: B. Another long match here with an interesting choice for the ending. I know Jericho went on to have one of the best years of his career but at this point he’s just Jericho and Styles hasn’t even been in the company for three months yet. This continues to feel like booking for the sake of the surprise, which is almost never a good thing. Still though, would you expect anything other than very good from these two for seventeen minutes?

Maria Menunos interviews Zack Ryder and talks about getting to take a picture with Razor Ramon and his Intercontinental Title when he was a kid. Tonight though, he and Ramon are taking a picture with RYDER’S Intercontinental Title. I’m not sure if that’s a better line than waiting your whole life for this but Ryder is nailing it tonight.

New Day vs. League of Nations

New Day comes out in a huge box of BootyO’s which tips over….to reveal them in Dragon Ball Z costumes, complete with a tail on Woods. This was originally a Tag Team Title match but was changed to a handicap match before switching to a six man (Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio/Rusev for the League with King Barrett in the corner) for no apparent reason. I mean, other than having New Day lose or something crazy like that. Also, make no mistake about it: New Day was by FAR the most popular merchandise choice of the weekend. You would see that blue shirt all over Dallas and nothing was anywhere near as common.

Kofi and Sheamus start things off as we hear about New Day holding the titles for over 200 days. Somehow they’re not even at the halfway point. Sheamus gets taken down into the corner for the Unicorn Stampede and Woods starts in with some tromboning. Xavier comes in and gets beaten down as JBL has the nerve to compare these two to the Freebirds and the Horsemen.

Sheamus gets in the forearms to the beat of NEW DAY SUCKS and it’s off to Rusev for a running flip senton. Woods sends Del Rio to the floor in a big crash but Sheamus is over there to takes New Day off the apron in a smart move. Not that it matters as Kofi gets the hot tag a few seconds later and house is cleaned again. Trouble in Paradise is broken up and Rusev adds a kick to the head of his own for two.

The fans try to get an UP UP DOWN DOWN chant going and Big E. tags himself in for some suplexes. The spear through the ropes takes out Sheamus, Rusev and Barrett but it does the same to Big E., who thankfully didn’t break his neck. Back in and Woods drops a top rope double stomp for two on Sheamus. Del Rio makes a save and hits a scary double stomp off the apron to crush Kofi. That leaves Woods alone to take the Bull Hammer from Barrett to give Sheamus the pin at 10:02.

Rating: D+. Ok they’re trolling us now right? The League of Nations is one of the most worthless stables in a LONG time and they’re beating one of the most over groups in recent memory? I know it’s designed to set up the post match shenanigans but there are multiple ways to do the same thing without beating New Day. It’s even worse when you consider the group was split less than a month later.

Post match Barrett says there are no three men who can beat them. Cue Shawn Michaels (nearly causing the wife to jump out of the upper deck), Mick Foley and Steve Austin (he’s a bit too big of a star for this group) for the beatdown. The moment is cool but Cole talking about how great of a moment this is feels so stupidly forced. Anyway, house is quickly cleaned (and apparently Austin further injures his already destroyed shoulder in the process). New Day gets back in and dancing ensues with Shawn and Steve getting into it…..until it’s a Stunner for Woods. Beer is quickly consumed.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose. Lesnar is the Beast and needs someone to fight him so Dean was like “eh I’ll do it.” This led to one heck of a beatdown so Ambrose was given some weapons by various hardcore legends (barbed wire bat from Foley and a chainsaw from Terry Funk) because this is a no holds barred street fight.

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar

Anything goes and Heyman gives Brock a big, over the top intro. JBL gives us a good example of trying to be too smart by calling Lesnar a former NWA Champion (assuming he means NCAA), which of course he never won. Brock hits the first suplex inside of ten seconds and the huge video screen above the ring kept count (It had been all over the place all night with unicorns for the New Day and various three camera shot replays. In other words, it was annoying in a hurry.).

We hit the third German suplex forty five seconds in and Ambrose is on the floor. A few kendo stick shots annoy Lesnar so he rolls two more suplexes. Brock breaks the stick over his knee and there’s number six. Ambrose can barely move so he gives the referee a thumbs up and there are numbers seven and eight before we’re even five minutes into the match. Dean slaps him in the face….and gets suplexed again.

With nothing else to do, Lesnar offers Dean a free shot with the stick, which Brock then stands on. That earns him a low blow (Ambrose: “THAT’S HILARIOUS!”) and now the stick shots work a bit better. Dean goes outside and finds a chainsaw (Heyman’s eyes bug out) but that means a tenth suplex. A laptop off Lesnar’s face allows Dean to chair him a few times, only to have Brock run the ropes for a belly to belly superplex. Dean’s next trick is a fire extinguisher blast to the face followed by some lame chair shots to the ribs.

A dropkick to send the chair into Lesnar’s face works a bit better and the top rope chair drop gets two. For some reason Dean throws in about ten chairs, which he then goes sailing over off another German suplex. The F5 is countered into a DDT onto (or close to) a chair for two. Now it’s time for the barbed wire baseball bat but it’s another German suplex onto the chairs. An F5 onto them is enough to put Dean away at 12:50.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as I remember it but they made it very clear that Ambrose wasn’t on Lesnar’s level or really close to it for that matter. There’s only so much you can do when Lesnar is out there doing nothing but suplexes (other than those and an F5, I actually can’t think of anything else he did in the match) and Dean ran into that problem here. This could have been a lot worse but a little more offense from Ambrose would have been appreciated.

Ric Flair teaches Ryder how to Woo but it turns out to be a Snickers commercial. Ryder takes a bite….and turns into Charlotte. Yeah I don’t get it either but I think Charlotte is the new Intercontinental Champion.

Hall of Fame time with a pretty good class:

Godfather (So completely out of place here.)

Stan Hansen (How was he not in already?)

Big Boss Man (That’s perfectly fine.)
Jacqueline (Fine, just don’t let her talk.)

Joan Lunden (Warrior Award, which seems to have been forgotten this year.)

Fabulous Freebirds (You could argue they were the headliners.)

Snoop Dogg (Harmless. Not exactly PG but harmless.)

Sting (Only entrance and the loudest reaction.)

We go back to the Kickoff Show with Lita unveiling the new WOMEN’S Title (meaning the Divas era is finally over). Oh and remember that this is completely different than the original Women’s Title, meaning it actually has its own lineage.

We recap the Women’s Title match with a really cool WWE Network themed video. It’s a search for Women’s Champions which shows some famous names before a Women’s Revolution search brings up the three of them (with Stephanie’s screeching narration of course). This gets the music video treatment, which it actually deserves.

Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

The title is officially vacant coming in though Charlotte never lost the Divas Title. Banks has Snoop Dogg (her real life cousin) rap her to the ring, which should guarantee her winning the title here. She also has Eddie Guerrero inspired gear and actually looks better in the tights than the trunks. Charlotte (still wearing the Divas Title) has Ric Flair in her corner and debuts the blue gear, with the robe being made from the robe Flair wore in his final match. That’s a very good thing as she rocks the heck out of that outfit. Lita is holding the new title and after the Big Match Intros we’re ready to go.

Everyone trades rollups to start in a fast and pretty athletic sequence until Charlotte kicks Becky in the face. That earns a nice round of applause and you can tell the women are ready tonight. A hurricanrana sends Charlotte across the ring and Sasha throws in an Eddie dance. They botch (not bad) a sunset flip/German suplex spot before Charlotte it sent outside, leaving Sasha to elbow Becky in the face.

Charlotte pulls Sasha outside though and gives her something like a wheelbarrow suplex onto the apron. Back in and Becky (with a lot of eye makeup) grabs an arm trap reverse DDT for two on Charlotte and we hit the cross armbreaker. Flair gets on the apron like a good pop though and it’s time for the Figure Four. That also means that it’s time for Sasha to come in with a frog splash for the save.

Becky grabs something like a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte and rolls Sasha up for the same. In the first big spot of the match, Sasha dives through the ropes to flip onto Charlotte (possibly catching her foot on the ropes but it didn’t seem to change much). Becky TAKES OUT FLAIR, drawing one of the biggest pops of the night. With Becky and Sasha staggered, Charlotte goes up top and moonsaults onto both of them (looked sweet) for maybe the biggest spot in the history of women’s wrestling.

Back in and double Natural Selection gets a double near fall, much to Charlotte and Ric’s collective frustration. Charlotte loads Sasha up into an electric chair but Becky comes in with a missile dropkick for two on Sasha. The Disarm-Her has Charlotte in trouble until Sasha makes the save with the Bank Statement.

That brings Charlotte back in with the Figure Four on Banks, which is upgraded into the Figure Eight until Becky pulls them to the ropes. Charlotte spears Banks down but gets taken to the top for one heck of a superplex. Banks gets up and goes for the Bank Statement, only to be sent outside so Charlotte can grab the Figure Eight (with Flair holding Banks’ foot) to make Becky tap at 16:08.

Rating: A-. Match of the night so far by a good stretch and pretty easily the best women’s match ever on the main roster to date. There were a few botches here and there but the idea that three women could have a match on par with if not exceeding a lot of the better men would have been unthinkable just a few years ago. Great stuff here and FAR better than I think anyone could have hoped for (save for the logical Banks title win of course).

Charlotte poses and gets some pyro to really make this special.

You know, we’re about two hours and twenty minutes into this show and it’s on pace to be one of the best shows ever. I know there are some booking issues but other than a nothing six man (with a really fun post match segment), nothing has been bad and even that match was fine. However, there are four matches left and nearly TWO AND A HALF HOURS left in the show. I think I know where things are going to start going downhill.

The Cell is lowered for the 33^rd time in WWE history. That stat kind of pulls things back a bit no?

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker and it’s time for this show to start to unravel. So Shane came back in January and talked about how Vince and Stephanie had ruined everything. There was something about a lockbox with evidence of Vince doing something bad (never specified) and Shane threatened to open it if he didn’t get to run Raw (which he said basically meant WWE). Vince decided to put it up in a match with Shane facing Undertaker in the Cell. Undertaker’s Wrestlemania career was put on the line and that’s about it for anyone buying this as anything serious.

At the end of the day, it’s really, REALLY hard to believe that Undertaker was in any real danger against Shane, who hadn’t wrestled a single match in seven years. It’s kind of hard to buy this as a competitive match, but there’s a very good chance that this was supposed to be John Cena instead of Shane but injuries derailed the plans (a major problem all night). To their credit, this match led to something like tens of thousands of tickets being sold in a hurry so it was definitely a draw and worthy of this kind of a push.

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Inside Hell in a Cell. Shane does the high energy entrance and brings his kids out to dance to the ring with him as Shane Bucks fall from the ceiling in a cool moment. Apparently Shane wants to take Undertaker’s cardio, which you know Shane has in droves due to, you know, everything that works against him. Some right hands have no effect on Undertaker so he punches Shane down with one shot. Remember: best pure striker ever in WWE, which you can add to the list of reasons this should be a squash.

Snake Eyes into the big boot have Shane reeling but he gets Undertaker to chase him and stomps away. That earns him a throw into the cage wall and the apron legdrop as this is total dominance in the first five minutes. The Last Ride gets two and the match is instantly a complete mess at 5:32. I’m sorry but there’s no way I can buy this no matter what WWE wants to tell me. That move has beaten World Champions but SHANE MCMAHON, in his mid 40s and seven years removed from his last match, kicks out of it after getting beaten up? Just….no, period.

Undertaker grabs the steps but gets pulled into a weak triangle choke. That’s countered into a chokeslam onto the steps for another two as Shane is suddenly the offspring of Super Cena and Hulk Hogan. Undertaker misses an elbow onto the steps so Shane sits on them and teases Undertaker into a drop toehold onto said steps. I don’t buy Undertaker as being that stupid, nor do I buy the cover that follows.

Shane punches him in the face off the situp so Undertaker gets him in the Hell’s Gate, which Shane reverses into a Sharpshooter. You know, because anyone can survive THREE UNDERTAKER FINISHERS IN TWELVE MINUTES. Undertaker easily powers out so Shane punches him into the corner, which is totally enough to have Undertaker in trouble. Coast to Coast into a trashcan gets two and Shane grabs….boltcutters.

He cuts the Cell open but Undertaker tackles him through the wall and onto the announcers’ table. A monitor to the head looks to set up a Tombstone onto the table but Shane reverses into a sleeper. That’s reversed with a backwards crash through the table as this is getting even more ridiculous. A toolbox to the head puts Undertaker on a table…..and Shane climbs the Cell.

The big elbow completely misses (because it would have killed Undertaker) and you can see the crash pad deflate as Shane lands. Cole: “FOR THE LOVE OF MANKIND!” It was a terrifying spot live but now it’s much more silly than anything else, which isn’t the point in a match like this. Then again this stopped being anything serious or really interesting as soon as the Last Ride only got two so it’s a moot point. Shane says bring it again so Undertaker carries him inside for the Tombstone and the pin at 30:06.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here with a match that should have been a glorified squash (which this was) that ran only about half this long. The idea that Shane could hang in there with Undertaker under these or any circumstances (including a bunch of run-ins, which never happened), is a combination of insulting and stupid.

It’s a ridiculous story (both the buildup and the match itself) and a terribly dull match with one big spot not being able to make up for anything. This was more fun live but GOOD NIGHT it does not hold up. Cut it down to twenty minutes at most and this is much better but as it is, this is horrible. On top of that, allegedly Shane was supposed to win until Undertaker shot it down, which he certainly should have done. The show has hit a major wall now and it’s going to need something special to bring them out.

Shane is taken out on a stretcher as the announcers brag about how awesome he is, which is why a lot of people don’t like seeing Shane wrestle. Yeah he’ll do a bunch of stuff but he gets WAY more credit and praise than he deserves. Shane gives a thumbs up on the way out.

Reason #1 this show crashed so hard: from the time the Cell was lowered to the time we cut away from Shane: 50:43. That’s a lot of time to spend on something that…..bleh.

The pre-show panel chats for a bit.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Fandango, Damien Sandow, Shaquille O’Neal, Big Show, Viktor, Diamond Dallas Page, Konnor, Tatanka, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Goldust, Curtis Axel, Baron Corbin, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Bo Dallas, Darren Young, Kane

O’Neal is a surprise, or as much of one as you can be when his face popped up on the big screen during the other entrances. We get the big staredown between Shaq and Show but they have to stop and double chokeslam Kane. Everyone else is sent outside (none eliminated) until Fandango comes in and gets eliminated. Sandow (POP) does the same and is eliminated as well, allowing everyone else to come in and eliminate Shaq and Show. Somehow, that means we NEED to see them at Wrestlemania the next year, despite almost no one asking to see it. Everyone stands around until Page hits the Diamond Cutter on Viktor and tosses him with ease.

Konnor gets rid of Page a few seconds later as this is already pretty dull stuff. The yet to be official Golden Truth eliminates Konnor and Tatanka goes on a warpath that no one was asking for. Corbin tosses Tatanka to no reaction and Kane backdrops Swagger out. The Social Outcasts of all people clean house and get rid of Goldust and Truth. We get a victory lap until Kane and Corbin get rid of Rose and Axel.

We’re down to Corbin, Kane, Young, Breeze, Henry and Dallas with Kane chokeslamming Baron. Henry comes back in after being on the floor for six minutes to eliminate Slater and Breeze to get us down to five. Kane and Young (the oddest couple until….Young and Bob Backlund I guess) get rid of Henry before Kane dumps Dallas and Young. Corbin sneaks in from behind though and eliminates Kane to win at 9:43 and set off the NXT chants.

Rating: D. This was your annual “hey we still have jobs” battle royal but for once they let someone have the win to elevate them up the card. Corbin hits the ground running and odds are he’s going to be challenging for the Intercontinental Title at next year’s show. That’s how you introduce a star and it worked very well. The battle royal itself didn’t though with too many dead spots, but at least they kept the pace up after the first year’s was over thirteen minutes and last year’s was over eighteen.

Wrestlemania XXXIII is in Orlando.

Here are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to perform, which is never a bad thing. They’re followed by something that’s a bit more hit or miss: Rock’s annual Wrestlemania appearance. This time it’s a bit different though because he has a FLAMETHROWER. He lights a ROCK sign on fire and this eats up even more time on a show already over three and a half hours long with the main event to go.

After the long entrance and some standing around, Rock FINALLY says his first words nearly eight minutes after the cheerleaders started. We get some crowd praising and talk of Rock babies as there’s a loud echo on everything Rock says (kind of cool because of just how big the place is) and the new attendance record of 101,763 is announced. Yeah I know it’s probably not quite that high and much like in 1987, I really don’t care that much.

Rock says it’s about to get good…and we’ve got Wyatts. Thankfully this means we get the Fireflies in the stadium, which was one of the coolest visuals I’ve ever seen. It actually lit up the ring, which is pretty impressive for a bunch of phones. Bray introduces himself and says he chose Rock because Rock represents a lie. Rock is supposed to be the People’s Champion but this is Bray’s moment. He’s going to eviscerate Rock on the grandest stage of them all and the people have to watch.

Rock mocks the eviscerating line and thinks Bray has been hitting the bong. We get some jokes about Rowan and Strowman (Is this where Rock buried Bray? I never can tell with these things.) before Rock praises Bray for having it all (BURIAL! HE’S BURYING HIM! SOMEONE GET A SHOVEL TO HELP BRAY!) and getting 100,000 people on their feet. Rock accuses Bray of eating Hot Pockets but Bray says he’s here to kick the door down. However, Rock has an idea: let’s have a match! We get a referee and Rock says pick any Family member as he takes off the workout gear to reveal trunks.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Rock Bottom, six seconds. Again, I saw this called Rock burying the Wyatts. You know, because people are worried about ERICK ROWAN needing protection.

The Family surrounds Rock and heeeere’s Cena for the save. House is cleaned, signature moves are hit and Rock welcomes Cena back (he would be back in about a month) to FINALLY end this, 28:15 after the cheerleaders came out (I’m keeping time for a reason in case you couldn’t tell).

It’s 11:03pm so let’s recap the main event. Roman Reigns was World Champion but HHH couldn’t get him to go corporate so it’s Austin vs. Vince again. HHH made Reigns defend the title in the Royal Rumble, which he of course entered and won to set up this match. People really weren’t all that interested but you knew this was going to happen several months back. You know, because THIS TIME FOR SURE it’s going to get Reigns over.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

HHH is defending and here’s Stephanie in what I think is a Mad Max look. It’s a closeup of her face in front of a barren wasteland as she talks about how this is their world and we’re all just living in it. Basically all hope is lost and we need to give up on this ridiculous belief that anyone can save us from the Authority.

Then an army of people in skull masks (NXT wrestlers with Enzo Amore at the front) carrying WWE Titles comes to the ring to set up HHH’s entrance where Stephanie gets to show off her legs. Again, just like the last two years, the big face gets to follow this rather cool (and over the top) HHH entrance. But hey, at least we get the annual HHH is Cool moment right?

As ridiculous (and as much as they’re begging the fans to boo them instead of Reigns) as this is, it’s NOTHING compared to the outright hatred that Reigns receives. The man is booed out of Texas and allegedly the audio had to be turned down in response. If that’s true…..I really wouldn’t be surprised.

Since these two can’t stand each other, they go to a headlock and armbar to start. The fans unload on Reigns when he shoulders HHH, only to get hiptossed to the floor. Back in and HHH works on the arm some more until Reigns shoves him into the corner for more incredible booing. A lockup goes nowhere as this is already starting to look like one of HHH’s disastrous main events.

Some hard forearms to the back of Reigns’ head put him down. The comeback is so soundly booed that it’s almost comical. A Stunner over the top rope sets up the apron dropkick for one on the champ. Stephanie offers a quick distraction so HHH can get in a low blow (FACE POP) and Reigns goes down again. HHH goes with some hard right hands to the face and the spinebuster gets two.

They head outside with HHH sending him face first into the announcers’ table (which he did a few weeks back to break Reigns’ nose). Another comeback is cut off and Reigns is thrown into the German announcers. Back in and Reigns uppercuts him out of the air and hammers away, only to have HHH bail from the Superman Punch. They trade whips into the steps until Reigns spears him through the barricade for almost no reaction. This is basically the same problem as HHH vs. Jericho in 2002: there’s no reason to believe the champ has a chance so there’s no reason to care until Reigns hits a spear in the ring.

Back in again and Reigns is holding his arm but HE’LL CONTINUE! And without a thirty minute nap like at the Rumble! Oh he’s got his working boots on tonight. HHH puts on a Fujiwara armbar of all things because the main event of Wrestlemania with a match that’s supposed to be based on hatred is built around a bad arm. See, when Daniel Bryan did that, it was entertaining. When Reigns is doing it, the fans are cheering the evil villain.

Reigns powers out of something like the Rings of Saturn but can’t knock the confetti off of HHH’s head. It’s back to the armbar until Reigns FINALLY gets the break with a powerbomb. That goes nowhere so WE HIT ANOTHER ARMBAR BECAUSE THIS MATCH NEEDS TO BE ALL LONG AND EPIC AND STUFF! Another powerbomb breaks the hold again but the spear is countered into a Pedigree which is countered into a backdrop to the floor.

The fans start singing to placate their boredom until the spear gets….no count because Stephanie pulls the referee out. Now Stephanie gets in to yell at the referee, earning herself a spear and turning Reigns into the biggest star in the world (for about thirty seconds). If my memory serves me right, she hasn’t taken a bump in nearly a year since then, or really had anything bad happen to her that lasted more than a day or two.

The Pedigree gives us the first hot near fall of the match and it’s the Superman Punch to drop HHH. The second spear is broken up with a knee and Stephanie hands HHH the sledgehammer (She took a spear less than four minutes ago so OF COURSE she’s capable of doing that. This woman is scary.). Not that it matters as another Superman Punch and the spear give Reigns the title back at 27:04.

Rating: D. And a lot of that is just for having the guts to go out there and do a match this boring in this spot on this show. This match was twelve minutes of HHH working on the arm and then getting into the main event style that went exactly where we knew it was going. The lack of drama or really anything interesting (save for that Stephanie spear) killed this and there was no recovering given how long the thing ran.

This needed to be about fifteen minutes shorter and we would have had the same result: Reigns winning and getting booed out of the building because people just don’t want to see him in this spot. There was a total lack of hatred and violence here and it really dragged things down, which is far too often the case for any given HHH match. It’s one of the worst Wrestlemania main events ever and there’s really no way around that.

A quick celebration sets up the traditional long music video to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t think of a single show that is so completely different from the first half to the second. The worst thing about the first few matches is the booking with the worst match being a somewhat dull six man tag. If you cut this off after the Women’s Title, this is one of the better pay per views I’ve seen in several years.

Then the Cell was lowered, kicking off the last “four” matches (counting Rock vs. Rowan) and the long segment. When you add up the Cell, the Rock segment and the main event, they all combined for over two hours. That’s two REALLY bad matches and a segment that went on far too long (but was entertaining at times) adding up to an episode of Smackdown. Clip off fifteen minutes from Shane vs. Undertaker (and another five from the intro/post match stuff), ten from Rock’s stuff (say, him playing with a flamethrower) and AT LEAST ten off the main event and this is instantly a less horrible show.

Unlike most pay per views, Wrestlemania is almost exclusively remembered for two to three matches more often than not. Therefore, it’s a major problem when your two main matches are long and rather horrible. It was hard to keep interest in this show even sitting in the stadium and that should not happen. There’s a lot of good stuff in the first half though and switching the order up would have helped out a lot. Unfortunately that’s completely the opposite of what they did as it was all stupid booking overshadowing the good and then REALLY bad stuff covering the rest of the show.

It’s easy to see why this show is remembered so poorly when the second half is just such a wreck. It felt like a huge way to have the fans get annoyed while WWE laughs and says “we’ve got all your money”. You shouldn’t leave Wrestlemania talking about how bad the show was when there was so much good going on. The bad completely outweighs the good here and there was no way anything else was going to be remembered. Awful show that lives down to its reputation.

Ratings Comparison

Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

New Day vs. League of Nations

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D-

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh yeah I was still feeling the in-person vibe when I watched this back the first time. A C- is WAY too generous.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxii-strap-yourselves-in-this-is-a-long-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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