Thunder
Date: July 5, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Attendance: 3,088
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

It’s the go home show for Bash at the Beach, meaning my moderate smile about WCW is about to go away. We’re still in the “Can Jeff Jarrett build a whole main event by himself, even though it’s a boring match in the first place?” phase which amazingly enough isn’t working because Jeff Jarrett is one of the least interesting World Champions WCW has had in the last three months. Of the five guys to hold the title since early April, he’s like the fourth most interesting at best. Let’s get to it.

Standard Nitro recap to open things up. Enjoy this while it lasts.

Jarrett yells at the Cat about ratings and they keep insulting each other. Cat’s decision is to put Jarrett on the show tonight. Why in the world is Jeff Jarrett vs. the Cat the main feud on this show?

Here’s Jarrett to say THE EXACT SAME THINGS HE ALWAYS SAYS before talking about how he was told there was no time for him on the show this week. Tonight he’s going to retire Hulk Hogan but here’s Cat to interrupt. Cat is tired of hearing Jarrett go on and on (the Cat speaks for the people) so tonight he’s putting him in the ring. Then he’s going to put on a karate demonstration. Back to Jarrett, Cat is going to make Booker T./Buff Bagwell vs. Kanyon/Shane Douglas with the person getting the fall earning a title shot tonight. I’ve heard worse ideas, even though this isn’t very good.

Stasiak and Palumbo got into tanning beds earlier today and Woody turned them all the way up. What is up with this Woody guy? Is there no one else on the roster that could have used this to get somewhere? Maybe set up a challenger for the Tag Team Titles? No instead let’s go with a production guy who isn’t going to have a match. The bits are entertaining but this isn’t getting anyone anywhere.

Jarrett still wants Hogan. As he rants, Kanyon lays out a production guy with a Kanyon Cutter.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kidman vs. Lance Storm vs. Disco Inferno

One fall to a finish. Since this is WCW, the Animals’ name plate says Tygress is accompanying them but they come out alone. Storm gets jumped during his entrance as we’re waiting on Kidman to show up. Kidman finally hits the ring for the save and starts with Storm for a nice pinfall reversal sequence which is probably going to be the best thing on the show.

Mysterio elbows Kidman from behind though and Disco comes in to bring the quality down. Storm blocks a Bronco Buster with a raised boot, only to have Disco come in and try to steal a pin. Rey is fine with beating up his normal partner but Storm comes back in to break that up. A springboard legdrop gets two on Lance and everything breaks down. Disco piledrives Kidman for two but Storm grabs the half crab to make Disco tap.

Rating: C+. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting with all four guys (yes even Disco) moving around as much as they could in the four minutes they had. They’re probably lucky to get that given how much time this show needs to dedicate to everything else they have going on.

Buff promises he’ll go into Sunday as champion. The idea of Bagwell vs. Hogan as the main event of a pay per view makes me smile.

Buff is working on his own book called Positively Kanyon’s Greatest Moments. Chapter One: Kanyon Sucks. Chapter Two: Kanyon Still Sucks. Chapter Three: Kanyon Sucks Again. This was funnier than it should have been.

Perfect Event is let out of their tanning beds and look like they fell in buckets of red paint. Palumbo wants his mommy as Stasiak is told Woody did this.

Here’s the Cat for his karate demonstration with opponents…..the Jung Dragons. They’re Asian and therefore know martial arts you see. The Dragons jump Cat to start and take him down with a variety of kicks, setting up Jamie’s middle rope legdrop. Well that lasted longer than I was expecting. Cat bails and says this isn’t respectful enough. The Dragons are dumb enough to bow and all three get kicked in the face. Jamie’s missile dropkick slows Cat down for a bit but he kicks them all again and throws Kaz over the top by the crotch. All three Dragons are sent to the floor and Cat says that’s enough, meaning DANCE TIME!

Perfect Event goes after Woody in the production truck. Woody promises that he’ll have an army. Gee I wonder who that’s going to be.

Cat pays the Dragons and says he hasn’t had that much fun in a long time. Ok then.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. The Demon

Demon is challenging. Vito attacks the coffin in the back but gets jumped by Demon. Hardcore master Vito comes back by throwing Demon into a wall and bringing him out to the set for a ram into…..whatever those metal things on the set are. Vito puts a trashcan lid between Demon’s legs and stomps down on it before getting a piece of plywood. Was the table making union on strike this week?

As you might expect, Vito is thrown through the wood instead, followed by a middle rope elbow for two. This brings out Vampiro because this story is still going for some reason. Demon dropkicks a chair into Vito’s face (close enough) but Vampiro breaks a shovel over Demon’s back to give Vito the easy pin.

Rating: D. Vito’s hardcore stuff isn’t entertaining, anything Vampiro does is stupid at this point and no one ever cared about the Demon. This is the kind of stuff that could have been cut out to give the four way more time (maybe make it an elimination match) but WCW has a bad tendency to try and fit everything they can into one show. That’s rarely a good idea because most of the stuff doesn’t have the time to develop and we get stupid ideas like this.

Mike Awesome shows doctored footage that makes it look like he beat Rick Steiner on Monday. Gene calls him a mullock (trash) but Awesome hears him, scaring Gene half to death.

Shane and Kanyon argue over who is going to win tonight. Kanyon tries a Kanyon Cutter but Shane stares him down.

Here’s the Perfect Event with Stasiak slapping his partner on the back to make Palumbo cringe. They DEMAND Woody come out here right now so here he is, removing his shirt to reveal that he is in fact not a wrestler. As you might expect, Woody has some backup.

Brian Adams/Woody vs. Perfect Event

Non-title. Adams fights out of a double team to start thanks to Woody slapping Palumbo on the back. A powerbomb sends Stasiak onto Palumbo and Adams kicks Shawn in the face for good measure. Woody offers a double back slap to break up another double team, allowing Adams to full nelson slam Palumbo. A chokeslam (called High Times thanks to Woody) lets Woody pin Stasiak. Yeah a production guy just pinned a Tag Team Champion and I’m supposed to want to see Kronik fight them on Sunday.

Vito beats up Funk and leaves the arena.

Buff Bagwell/Booker T. vs. Shane Douglas/Kanyon

Whoever gets the fall gets a title shot tonight. Kanyon shoves Booker from behind and gets double teamed for his efforts. This brings up the question of whether Douglas should help his partner or not, which actually merits some discussion. Granted it’s not a discussion you’re going to get here but it could be interesting. A double suplex drops Kanyon and Booker officially starts with him. The assorted kicks keep Kanyon in trouble but Shane won’t tag in. That ends the interesting psychology discussion and goes right to stupid as you can’t get the fall if you’re not legal.

Buff comes in for a DDT but a Shane distraction (how hard can it be to distract Bagwell?) lets Kanyon get in a Russian legsweep. Shane still won’t tag in so Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker. Buff elbows him out of the corner and drops a Vader Bomb (263 according to Tony. Huh?) followed by the Blockbuster but Shane makes the save. Booker comes in without a tag and Book Ends Kanyon for the pin and the title shot. Ignore Booker’s music playing at two.

Rating: D. Shane being stupid aside, it’s cool to see them actually push someone new. Of course Horace got a title shot last week so this could mean absolutely nothing. The problem is this is the kind of thing that they needed to do two years ago because now it means nothing. The match was nothing to see because again, it didn’t have enough time after Woody’s match.

MIA is given their orders for the night.

Daffney, now with red hair, is wearing a shirt that says step child.

Mike Awesome sprays something on Rick Steiner’s glasses.

Tygress/Juventud Guerrera vs. Major Gunns/Lieutenant Loco

The guys start with Juvy grabbing a headscissors but having to stop to pull his pants up. Heenan: “Juvy looks like he’s wearing the seat cover from a ’69 Pinto.” Loco’s tilt-a-whirl backbreakers send Juvy crawling over to Tygress so it’s time for the girls. Tygress tags out as well so Gunns takes off the shirt as a distraction to kick Juvy low. The catfight is on and Gunns does one of the worst slams I’ve ever seen. Loco lays out Juvy but another catfight breaks out. In the melee, Juvy hits Loco with the belt for the pin.

Rating: F+. These women are bad. Like, they’re Eva Marie kinds of bad. It’s ridiculous to call them wrestlers because this has nothing to do with wrestling. We have two women out there because of how they look, trying to do moves to each other and failing miserably. Chavo vs. Juvy will be fine but this was another big waste of time with the women in there.

Juventud leaves with the title.

Steiner puts the glasses on and is almost blinded.

Booker says he’ll win the title.

Video on Vampiro and the Demon.

Mike Tenay is at Jim Duggan’s home for a sitdown interview. Duggan and his wife are glad that he’s ok but he’ll be back no matter what Russo does. Somehow this takes three minutes.

Crowbar jumps David Flair as Miss Hancock watches.

Jarrett insults Gene for general purposes.

Rick Steiner gets medical treatment.

We recap Crowbar/David/Hancock/Daffney.

Crowbar vs. David Flair

Impromptu match. Crowbar throws David down the aisle but gets crotched on top. A superplex drops Crowbar and it’s already time for the Figure Four. Hancock comes out to help but gets caught to force the break. Crowbar yells at the referee and gets shoved into a rollup for two as Hancock comes in, allowing the low blow from David. Cue Daffney for a tug of war so Hancock can roll backwards with her skirt coming up. Daffney goes for Hancock’s hair and they run off, leaving Crowbar to hit David with the pipe. The Mind Bender (sitout gordbuster) puts David away.

Crowbar chokes David and threatens violence until David admits that he shaved Daffney’s hair. Again: IT WAS ALL ON TAPE! David also admits to cheating on Daffney, sending her leaving in tears. This is actually a good story no matter how goofy it’s been.

After a break, Hancock is getting checked out for a leg injury. David comes in and thinks something is up so the trainer gets his head shaved.

Rick Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

Rick’s eyes seem to be fine as Awesome pounds him down. Some belly to bellys get two for Steiner and they head outside for a table. Mike sets it up in the corner and is quickly shoved through it, only to have Awesome spray the stuff in Rick’s eyes again for an easy three count. The blinding stuff earlier in the night could have been completely omitted and nothing would have changed.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T.

Jarrett is defending. Heenan thinks winning the title might push Booker over the edge to being a big star. They trade shoulders to start until Booker clotheslines the champ to the floor. Jeff is sent into the announcers’ table but comes right back with an early sleeper back inside. A quick knee crusher and the Figure Four have Booker in trouble.

That’s way too early (and since it’s the Figure Four it’s not likely to win a big match) so Booker makes the rope and runs into a double clothesline. The ax kick sets up a spinebuster for two but here’s Kanyon with a Cutter on the floor to knock Booker silly. Jeff gets the pin but before he can even get in some good celebrating, Cat comes out to say not so fast. The champ is thrown back in and a rollup gives Booker two.

The missile dropkick gets the same with the foot going on the ropes (When Booker hooked the leg. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that.). A side kick hits the referee by mistake so there’s no one to count after the Book End. Cat is going to be referee and counts two off another kick. Jeff knocks Cat out with the guitar and walks out as another referee calls that a DQ to end the show.

Rating: C+. Good match marred by too much stuff going on at once. Cat vs. Jarrett is about as far down on the Austin vs. McMahon scale as you can get but you can see what’s going on and the promos are adequate so it’s still firmly above whatever Russo and Bischoff were doing. Booker felt right in this role for the simple reason of he’s spent years being built up. That’s something so many people don’t understand today: it’s really hard to throw someone with no resume into the main event and expect it to work. Booker has been built up for about seven years at this point and it feels right to see him moving forward.

Overall Rating: D+. They really are trying to make Hogan feel like he doesn’t matter here. It was so strange to not have Hogan, Nash or Goldberg around for an entire show as it was almost all about the young (well younger) guys for a change. That allowed for much better storytelling because you didn’t have so much focus on the old guys wanting to be champion but putting in the least amount of effort possible. It’s even more proof of what WCW could have been if they didn’t have so much chaos going on backstage to screw the whole thing up.

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Thunder
Date: June 28, 2000
Location: Pershing Arena, Lincoln, Nebraska
Attendance: 3,439
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re in such a weird place with WCW at the moment as they’re not very good at the moment but it’s SO much better than the Russo and Bischoff era. Russo and Bischoff seem to have destructed inside of the first two and a half months with Russo going home and Bischoff disappearing. This has given me such a good laugh as the fans somehow have more patience than they do for this nonsense. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday’s four way title shot. I don’t remember the last time Jeff didn’t defend the title on Nitro.

Smooth and Jarrett are in the back with Smooth thinking Cat has a conspiracy against the champ. Jarrett doesn’t worry about it because he has to deal with Hogan. You know this because the guitar now has a Hogan shirt around it. You can add Jeff Jarrett selling a World Title match on his own to the list of WCW’s really bad ideas.

Here’s Jarrett to brag about being the greatest WCW World Champion ever after beating Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash in the last week. He’s been looking for some of the fattest women he can find to sing at Bash at the Beach because Terry Bollea is done. They’re still going WAY too far for this gag but I’m sure it would play in Memphis and that’s totally like the rest of the country.

Horace comes out to stand up for his uncle but R&B Security (remember them?) breaks it up. The Cat comes out to say that Horace wants to eat Jarrett’s children (the only time Horace will ever be compared to Mike Tyson) so tonight it’s Horace vs. Jarrett for the title. For some reason Horace gets in Cat’s face, sending Cat running off screaming about ratings in a funny bit. So this company’s savior is now Horace. E pluribus gads.

The announcers recap Goldberg vs. Duggan in a discussion almost as long as the match itself.

The Misfits are given their assignments for tonight with Corporal Cajun challenging Lieutenant Loco for the Cruiserweight Title. Cajun says it’s going to be staying in the family no matter what. Loco threatens to kill Cajun for touching the belt or for calling him Chavo. Ok then.

Kanyon tells Gene that he’s going to Kanyon Cut everyone he sees tonight, sending Gene running away in fear.

Cruiserweight Title: Corporal Cajun vs. Lieutenant Loco

Cajun is challenging. They start fast with Cajun grabbing a headlock but Loco flips out and starts a very quick series of rollups, drawing a rare round of applause from the crowd. As always: fans acknowledge entertaining wrestling. The champ gets two off a quick hurricanrana and gets rolled up while he yells at the referee. Cajun comes back with a headscissors and tilt-a-whirl slam for two, followed by a powerslam for the same. Loco backdrops him to the floor but almost completely misses a dive over the top. Back in and a quick tornado DDT retains the title.

Rating: C. This was about what I was expecting from these two as they’re both good enough in the ring to have a good, short match. Chavo was getting better and better every week at this point and the Cruiserweight Title helped validate him a lot. At least it was better than it was on the Artist.

Johnny the Bull is looking for Terry Funk but gets attacked by a janitor…..who is Terry Funk. Never let your guard down Johnny.

Scott Steiner threatens the Cat with a stapler until he gets a match with Mike Awesome tonight.

3 Count vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

Before the match, we hear about the success of their new single and there is NO truth to the rumors that they’re lip synching. Jindrak and O’Haire hit the ring to jump the band from behind (pests) and it’s Helms as the odd man out here. Jindrak gets kicked to the floor and Evan hits a huge dive.

We cut to the back to see Tank Abbott arriving, only to get ticked off that he missed the performance. Back in the arena and Jindrak gets double suplexed, only to have Evan’s Whisper in the Wind hit his partner. The hot tag brings in O’Haire, who throws Shannon over the referee for a huge crash. The Seanton Bomb pins Shannon to make them 2-0.

Rating: C-. These new guys are getting better (you know, after their seven or so minutes combined so far) and it’s cool to see them hitting the ground running. Considering I have to think rather hard about who the Tag Team Champions are right now, it might be time for some fresh teams in the division.

Post match Tank comes out with a green square (which he didn’t have when he arrived), demanding that 3 Count sing. Tank dances on his square at ringside until Kronik comes down to clean house.

Kanyon takes out the guy who brings him a sandwich. This is actually kind of funny, just like everything else Kanyon has been doing lately.

Here’s Big Vito, who challenges the Jung Dragons to a hardcore gauntlet match.

Hardcore Title: Jung Dragons vs. Big Vito

Vito is defending of course. Yang is in first and gets beaten down, only to avoid a quick splash. Some kicks and right hands in the corner have little effect on Vito as he throws Yang down with a suplex and drops the top rope elbow for the elimination. Now it’s Kaz running in for a bunch of kicks and a cross body. His victory roll out of the corner is easily countered into an electric chair though and Vito’s top rope splash gets rid of Kaz.

That leaves Jamie-San who comes in with a dropkick and low baseball slide. A quick Russian legsweep and middle rope legdrop get two on the champ. Jamie is right back up with a top rope splash for the same but Vito kicks him in the face. Some cane shots knock out the other Dragons but Jamie gets in a missile dropkick

Rating: D. Other than the cane shots, there was nothing hardcore about any of this, which completely defeats the point of the title. Jamie was AWESOME here though and is clearly the star of the team. Unfortunately he’ll probably be seen as too small and given roughly 193 other reasons why he can’t get a push. Like he’s not old enough or doesn’t have a sex joke for a name.

Jamie-San, who has suddenly grown quite a bit, celebrates until Jamie-San gets in. The guy who got the pin unmasks to reveal Johnny the Bull, which is probably leading to a Dusty Finish.

Funk is very pleased.

Awesome is told that he has to face Steiner tonight and isn’t pleased.

Daffney jumps Hancock in makeup and covers her with powder. The story makes sense but at some point they’re going to have a match and it’s all downhill from there.

Perfect Event hijacks Woody again, leaving a cameraman to take a surprise Kanyon Cutter.

Perfect Event vs. General Rection/Major Stash

Non-title. Woody has been dragged to the floor and it’s a brawl to start with the Misfits charging to the ring. Rection and Palumbo start things off with Stasiak tripping the General, setting up a nice flying tackle for two. I have a feeling that’s the extent of the good looking offense here. Both champions fire off kicks with Palumbo’s coming straight from the jungle. The PerfectPlex is countered into a suplex for two and it’s back to Palumbo who keeps control.

Now we get to the drama as Stasiak doesn’t want to tag out. You mean this team that was thrown together like three weeks ago isn’t totally solid? We hit the chinlock with a knee in Rection’s back, drawing Stash in for the save sans tag. Palumbo and Stasiak use the distraction to switch so Stasiak can do some chinlocking.

Rection can’t get all the way up as Stasiak pulls him back down. A double clothesline finally allows the hot tag to Stash, who takes Stasiak down with the cobra clutch slam (which he took forever to remember how to do). No Laughing Matter is good for the pin on Shawn because champions are worthless.

Rating: D-. Remember how I said fans recognize the talent in someone like Chavo or Leroux? The same is true here, as they understand that the only one with any form of talent in there is Rection and he’s a few inches under his ceiling here. Palumbo has a good physique and a good superkick but you can’t build a career on that. Horribly dull match.

WCW World Title: Horace Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending in case you’re really slow. Horace charges in and hits a few clotheslines to put the champion on the floor. They head into the crowd for all of ten seconds before Jeff hits one of the worst chair shots I’ve ever seen to Horace’s leg. Back in and we hit the slow stomping as the fans get downright vicious by saying Jarrett sucks.

Outside again with Horace sending him into a few metal objects, followed by throwing him over the announcers’ table. Some right hands to the head have Jeff in trouble and there goes the referee. A low blow puts Horace down and Jeff loads a chair in the corner, only to have the champ go head first into it for two. The referee gets back up to take the chair away from Horace but Jeff……does what is called the Stroke onto the chair (Horace landed on his back) to retain.

Rating: D-. For the love of all things good and holy stop with the Horace pushes. It’s another not very good wrestler taking the spot from someone who could use a high level spot like this. As usual though, the guy getting pushed because of nepotism can’t live up to his spot and makes for some horrible matches.

Jeff guitars Horace post match.

Vampiro finds a Sting mask in a locker and freaks out. Let’s get this over with.

Here’s Vampiro in the ring to talk about putting Dale Torborg in a coffin, just like he did to Steve Borden. There go the lights and we’ve got two hooded people in the ring. Vampiro unmasks one of them and finds Asya, who spits red liquid in his face. Of course the other one is Torborg, who pounds Vampiro down with a bat. The lights go out again and the two of them disappear, only to have another hooded man above the video screen point a light at Vampiro’s face. Of everything on WCW right now, Vampiro and his WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN stuff might be the most annoying.

Lance Storm talks about making his name wrestling instead of dancing. That’s how you get noticed in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Kidman wants revenge on the Filthy Animals for jumping him a few weeks back. The two of them leave so Kanyon can sneak in and lay out the cameraman. He even leans down and does the diamond sign to the camera.

Kidman/Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera

Kidman and Mysterio go to the floor to start, leaving Juvy to roll Storm up for a quick two. The Juvy Driver is broken up and the half crab goes on until Rey comes in for a quick save. Kidman comes in for a Sky High and it’s quickly off to Rey who spins all around Kidman into a hurricanrana because that’s what heels do. It’s back to Juvy who has to escape another powerbomb by elbowing Kidman in the head.

Juvy can’t powerbomb Kidman but since the good days are gone, Kidman just backdrops out instead. Juvy is up first with a top rope clothesline, only to dive into a dropkick. Storm gets the tag for his first official action in WCW and you can feel the energy again. House is quickly cleaned and everything breaks down with Rey and Juvy having to break up pins. So much for the tagging part.

Kidman sends Juvy outside but Storm misses a dive, leaving Kidman to take What’s Up with a legdrop instead of a headbutt. The Juvy Driver gets two and it’s time for the Juvy Elbow because he’s the Rock for reasons I still don’t understand. Storm breaks it up with a springboard missile dropkick, setting up Kidman’s top rope splash for the pin on Juvy.

Rating: C+. Another good and fast paced match here as Storm has been a breath of fresh air into the midcard. Kidman turning face again was the right idea, though it would have been nice to have him get a big win instead of losing every showdown to Hogan and then dropping down to fight the Animals.

Post match Storm and Kidman fight off the Animals with ease.

Kanyon gets a match with Buff tonight.

Tygress vs. Paisley

These two have been feuding for a few weeks now and this could be quite the train wreck as neither is a wrestler. Tygress jumps her from behind and the Animals are quickly ejected. A choke minus the actual choking has Tygress in control early and a hair toss gets one. Paisley comes back with a horrible hiptoss as the announcers have to ignore a WE WANT PUPPIES chant. Paisley slams her for a pin to end this quick.

Tygress jumps Paisley from behind and celebrates. You just got pinned BY A SLAM. You have no right to celebrate a thing.

Buff Bagwell vs. Positively Kanyon

Kanyon rips up a book on the way to the ring. Doesn’t that hurt his own sales? Some early right hands have Buff in trouble but he backdrops out of a Diamond Cutter attempt. A backdrop sets up some stomps from Buff but Kanyon grabs his really crisp Russian legsweep. That’s enough for Kanyon as he takes out the referee with the Cutter, earning a DQ from a replacement referee.

Post match Bagwell beats him up and hits a DDT onto the book, only to have Kanyon hit him in the head with a brick. Well that’s quite the big jump up in aggression. Booker comes out to save us from hearing another chapter.

Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

Non-title I assume. Steiner pounds him down to start and clotheslines Mike out to the floor. An announcer’s chair to the back of the head staggers Awesome and they fight into the crowd. Back in and Scott keeps in control with the bicep elbow. They head right back to the floor with Awesome hitting him in the ribs with a chair (a regular one this time). The top rope clothesline gets two on Steiner but he comes back with a belly to belly superplex. The Steiner Recliner goes on but here’s Cat to say that’s illegal. Cat superkicks the referee and hits Steiner with the belt. Naturally he has a referee shirt on and Awesome gets the pin.

Rating: D. Steiner did some moves, Awesome did some moves, they did the finish. Cat is starting to be on the show way too much, but at least he’s more entertaining than Russo and is willing to take a beating every now and then. The US Title needs to change hands already. Steiner is a main eventer already so let anybody else have the title so they can go somewhere.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was uneven as it had some ok wrestling and hilarious bits with Kanyon but also featured Horace Hogan getting a World Title shot and another lame main event. All that being said, it continues to be miles better than what we were sitting through just two weeks earlier. Bash at the Beach is next week though and the pay per views have been doing more damage than two months’ worth of good TV could fix.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: June 21, 2000
Location: Breeden Fieldhouse, Bozeman, Montana
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay

We’re coming off the first not horrible show in a long time and hopefully Russo is still gone tonight. Bash at the Beach is coming up and normally you could figure out what’s coming but given how this is WCW in 2000, we might not have even come close to knowing what’s coming yet. Let’s get to it.

Recap from Nitro with the contract being eaten.

Opening sequence.

Rick Steiner vs. Tank Abbott

This is the result of a quick call out by Steiner over Tank costing them the Tag Team Titles on Monday. Tank slams Steiner down to start, followed by something like a knee bar. Steiner gets to the ropes so Tank tries an armbar, only to have Rick get to the rope again. No break this time though so Rick punches him in the face to escape. Well that’s another way to do it. They roll around on the mat for a bit until Tank nails his big punch. Instead of covering after his one big move (is a punch really a move?), Tank stands up and tries it again, only to eat a Steiner Line and a t-bone. The Steiner Bulldog gives Rick the fast pin.

The announcers recap what we just saw because they think we’re idiots but here’s Tank again to drag a fan over the barricade and rip his shirt off. The fan gets taken away for no apparent reason.

The New Blood arrives in a limo. The driver (who I believe is Ice Train) opens the door and Jeff Jarrett asks Cat if Mike Awesome can have Scott Steiner at the pay per view. Cat will do it for the ratings because that’s his thing now. The driver whispers something in his ear and Cat is very pleased.

The Perfect Event is in the production truck and Stasiak starts pressing buttons. We cut back to the arena where fireworks go off, scaring Penzer half to death.

Here are Jarrett, Awesome and Cat with something to say. Jeff brags about being an awesome champion and about how his Slap Nuts shirt is the hottest selling item in WCW. Somehow I could see that as being true as it’s one of the few shirts that I can think of at the moment. Jeff has been sending Hogan get well soon cards every day so Hogan will be ready for Bash at the Beach.

Once they get there, Jeff is going to find a fat woman to sit on Hogan and sing, because it’s not going to be over until the fat lady sings. Sweet goodness he went a long way for that joke. Awesome promises to go after Scott Steiner’s back because it’s the one weak spot on him. Cat promises to rip up Hall’s contract and goes to yell at a fan while mentioning that it’s Jarrett/Awesome vs. Nash/Steiner tonight.

General Rection tells the Misfits about their three way mixed tag. They’re ordered to stick their chests out and I think you can figure out where this is going.

Terry Funk teaches Johnny the Bull how to use a trashcan. Johnny hits him very hard and Funk says he’s learning.

Rey Mysterio/Tygress vs. Lieutenant Loco/Major Gunns vs. The Artist/Paisley

Cat’s no interference policy is still around, meaning people are allowed at ringside but can’t interfere. Again: that’s now the special rule instead of the rule as it’s always been. Tygress and Gunns start but Tygress tags Rey in before anything can happen. A low blow makes Rey hop around a bit and it’s off to Chavo for a quick dropkick. That goes nowhere so here’s Paisley vs. Tygress with Paisley grabbing a very delayed slam. It’s off to Rey who tries a Bronco Buster on Paisley with Artist making the save. Guerrero cross bodies Artist and everything breaks down, leaving Artist to hit his jumping DDT to pin Chavo.

Rating: D. The guys were good but the girls were as dreadful as you would expect three non-wrestlers to be. At least we didn’t get much of the man on woman violence that Russo seems to love so much. It’s amazing how much calmer things are without him around, as this wasn’t so much insane as it was bad.

Post match Lance Storm comes in and cleans house, including a superkick to Artist and a BIG springboard dive to take out the MIA.

The Demon finds an earring in Vampiro’s hearse. “ASYA!”

Here’s Vampiro with something to say but the Demon (or is it Torborg now?) jumps him in the aisle. Torborg wants to know where Asya is and Vampiro holds up the other earring. He’s the only one who knows where she is but he also knows that Torborg has the sickness. Vampiro talks about Torborg needing to embrace the Demon and if he wants Asya back, he’ll have to do everything she’s done in the past few days. They walk off together as I continue to try to figure out why Vampiro is dealing with Demon after beating Sting. You would think that would mean a major promotion, but not around here.

Shane Douglas suggests that Cat makes Chris Candido (who still has a broken wrist)/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Buff Bagwell for the sake of the ratings. Cat agrees but Shane owes him one.

Vampiro makes Demon drive the hearse away.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. The Wall

Vito is defending. You know what’s sad? This battle of the Mamalukes story with Vito beating Funk and Funk tutoring Johnny to be a better hardcore wrestler is by far and away the best story going in WCW at this point. Vito jumps him in the back with a kendo stick before shrugging off a boot to the face (as you do). Tony informs us of a new rule saying the hardcore matches start in the back and have to end at ringside. In other words, make sure you take away the most entertaining part of the matches. Wall throws Vito at a table but can’t put him through it.

An anvil case staggers Vito again as we cut to Funk coaching Johnny even more. They get to ringside with Wall whipping him into the barricade and then the steps. We go inside for a bit as Vito kicks him in the face before putting a trashcan lid between Wall’s legs and crushing it with a ball bat. It’s table time but the long delay lets Wall get up and grab a side slam. Vito fights out of the chokeslam attempt with a kendo stick, followed by a running powerbomb through the table to retain.

Rating: D. I’m so sick of these uninspired hardcore matches. WCW has managed to copy one of the WWF’s signature things and take away every interesting and entertaining aspect. Wall has gone from an unstoppable monster that even Hogan couldn’t take out to a midcard jobber while Vito is actually getting somewhere with this hardcore thing. Let’s see how long it takes them to screw that up too.

Goldberg chokes a cop and makes fun of two more.

Here’s Goldberg to a face reaction. He knows Nash isn’t here tonight (even though he’s scheduled for a match) and that’s the best news for him. The only person he hates more than Nash is Hall and he’ll deal with that at Bash at the Beach. We hear about him ripping his arm apart last December and now he wants to kill people, starting with Nash. As expected, the fans cheer to wrap up this pretty worthless cameo.

Shane comes in to see Candido and Bigelow so he can run down the Cat for his ratings nonsense. So after Bagwell, we’re moving on to Shane vs. Cat? Egads indeed.

Goldberg leaves as Steiner and Nash arrives, causing Goldberg to come back and glare at them through the window of his car.

Quick recap of Bagwell vs. Douglas.

Chris Candido/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Buff Bagwell

There’s no pyro for Buff, thanks to Perfect Event’s shenanigans in the production truck. Candido still has his arm in a cast but he’s cleared to wrestle it seems. He’s even able to grab a suplex but Buff dropkicks him a few times and grabs a neckbreaker. Hey Buff, why not try FOR THE BIG CAST ON HIS ARM? It’s off to Bigelow who has a bit more luck with a clothesline, followed by a falling headbutt.

Candido adds a knee to the back and it’s a big Samoan drop from Bigelow. Heenan: “SQUASH!” Back to Candido for a chinlock and some choking before it’s back to Bigelow. To be fair the guy has one arm at the moment. A double headbutt misses as Tenay calls them the Triple Threat. At this point, does it really matter how many names they steal from ECW?

The Blockbuster gets two on Candido as Bigelow breaks it up so Buff double arm DDT’s the big guy. It’s time for another Blockbuster but only one is allowed per match, meaning Shane runs in with a pipe to knock Bagwell out. Greetings From Asbury Park is good for the pin on Buff.

Rating: D+. You know what might be nice for some of these feuds? A title to fight over. Yeah instead of just talking all the time and making up whatever your latest reason is for them to fight, how about having Bagwell and Douglas fight over the US Title? That’s what would make sense, but we need to give Steiner’s chick something to carry because of reasons. The match was a bit better than you would expect but still nothing good.

Daffney slaps David for cheating on her. After a break, David swears it wasn’t him and she starts to cry, earning herself a hug.

Here’s Kanyon to teach us how to be positive. This could be good actually. He’s going to read us a full chapter from Positively Kanyon before the movie starring Harvey Keitel come out. The chapter tells a story of Page calling him one day, saying BRO approximately 847 times and ripping on “Buffoon T” for trying to stab all the veterans in the back. Booker comes out for a brawl until Kanyon hits him with the book to knock him unconscious. Kanyon laughs and tears the book up, revealing a brick inside. Kanyon: “Have mercy!”

David and Daffney are about to leave when David says he forgot something. He runs into the production truck and asks who played the tape of he and Hancock. Perfect Event points out a guy so David whips out a razor and shaves the guy’s head before leaving with Daffney.

Cat gives Shane Kronik tonight for interfering, which is of course against the rules.

The guy whose head was shaved (who has been called Woody Woodpecker all night for whatever reason) locks Perfect Event in the truck.

Here’s 3 Count to debut their new single (which of course is currently on my iPod) and we cut to the wrestlers in the back, complete with Tank doing a bit of dancing. Eventually Kronik comes out for the beatdown before calling out Shane.

Brian Adams vs. Brian Clark vs. Shane Douglas

Wasn’t this a handicap match? Shane tries to run off but gets caught by Bagwell, meaning the double beating is on. A kick to Adams’ face doesn’t do him much good as Kronik hits their big finishers, only to have Clark clotheslines Adams by mistake. They start brawling before changing their minds and hitting High Times so Adams can pin Shane. I’m still not sure what’s going on in this story.

Perfect Event laughs at Kronik and plays corny Leave It To Beaver music. They go to leave but realize they’re locked in.

Post break Kronik breaks into the truck and beats down the champs.

At a cemetery, Vampiro shows Torborg Asya’s coffin but it’s full of pillows. Vampiro hits him in the head with a shovel and walks off.

After the announcers talk about we just saw and we cut to Vampiro bringing Asya to the unconscious Torborg. He throws her in the car and says that Torborg and his buddy need to come get them.

Jeff Jarrett/Mike Awesome vs. Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner

Notice again that the World Champion is on last again with Russo gone. Before the match, here’s the Cat to do commentary. Cat and Bobby are suddenly friendly, with Bobby mentioning a bonus in his pay envelope. Steiner shoves Jeff around to stat and kicks him in the corner a lot, followed by the bicep curl elbow drop. Off to Nash for two off a chokeslam before Awesome comes in to run Big Kev over.

Steiner comes back in for another power brawl, including an Alabama Slam to give Awesome two. Back to Jeff who gets caught in a suplex as Schiavone wants the name Career Killer taken away from Awesome due to the Kanyon charade. Fair point actually. Everything breaks down and Steiner hits a quick double underhook powerbomb for the clean pin on Jarrett.

Rating: D. Not the worst main event here and oh my goodness it had a clean ending. I’m not sure what the logic is with having Steiner pin Jarrett but you don’t want Steiner pinning Awesome this soon before their title match. For once this would have been a good place for a screwy finish but after so many of them I think I can live with this. It’s not like Jarrett is a strong champion in the first place.

Post match Steiner puts Jeff in the Recliner until Awesome hits him with the belt for the save. Awesome and Steiner trade suplexes but Jeff gets back up with the save. Nash comes back in after a belt shot on the floor (off camera) for the save. Goldberg makes a last second appearance and holds up Hall’s contract, saying it’s on his time. Wait didn’t he eat that?

Overall Rating: D. This was a step down from Nitro but it’s still an upgrade over most of what they’ve been doing lately. The problem here was too much going on. You had the production truck stuff, the Vampiro stuff and the Hall contract stuff. Calm down and stop doing so much and let the wrestlers wrestler, preferably for titles, which currently don’t mean much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: June 14, 2000
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Mark Madden

Welcome to your second weekly installment of Russo Theater featuring the Eric Bischoff Players. The big story at the moment is the departures of a lot of big names as Page, Sting and Flair are all gone, leaving us with Hogan/Nash/Steiner to fight off the forces of evil because we’re just lucky like that. Let’s get to it.

The traditional Nitro recap opens things up.

Cat, Russo, Jarrett and David arrive, flanked by security (one of whom I believe is Mike Rapada, who would win the NWA World Title twice by the end of the year). Rapada (not named) tells Russo that the cops won’t be here tonight because they don’t want to deal with his games. They must have watched the show earlier.

Nash arrives. Can we please stop having to show people arriving with no story development? It’s their job to be here. Why am I supposed to be surprised or interested in their cars arriving?

Here are Russo/Cat/Jarrett/David to open things up. David has a lock of Ric’s hair around his neck (that’s creepy) and Russo has a 3-0 shirt with the back saying “with two shaved heads.” Jarrett gets to talk first for once and promises to take care of Kidman for what he did on Monday. He beat Hogan and Nash on consecutive nights and that proves he’s the real World Champion.

Russo shows us clips from Nitro (for the second time in five minutes) and says he’ll bring Ric back tonight, so he pulls out a Mr. Potato Head. On to Nash, Russo asks what type of man would torture someone in front of their eight year old nephew. Nash pops up and says a dead man (but a MANLY dead man of course). Various threats are made with Russo saying Goldberg is coming. Nash cleans house with the bat but Russo gets away because he always does. Did I miss something or did this accomplish absolutely nothing?

Post break Russo calls Bischoff, who is on the way with Goldberg. Everyone leaves Russo alone for various reasons and Nash can be heard outside. This would be your weekly thriller movie plot.

Here’s Kronik with something to say. Adams calls it ridiculous that they lost the titles by DQ. They want a title match right now but get Chris Candido instead.

Kronik vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Chris Candido

I had forgotten Bigelow was still around. Kronik pulls Candido into the ring to start with Clark. A release Rock Bottom plants Chris and Adams tosses him into the air for a crash. The F5 gets two as Bigelow comes in to make the save. High Times ends Candido fast. Total squash.

Security has to break up Bigelow and Kronik.

Russo tries to call for help and then runs to his car. The tires are slashed though because this really is a stalker movie.

Here are the Mamalukes with the Hardcore Title. Vito brags about being the man that retired Terry Funk because he’s the real hardcore legend. Johnny says he could have beaten Funk if he hadn’t been in the bathroom. Vito agrees and hands him the belt, then hits him with a kendo stick. A table is set up but Johnny comes back with a jumping DDT to drive Vito through it instead. This brings out Nash with his bat to take Johnny out because he hasn’t been on TV enough yet tonight. He’s just looking for Russo though and that’s it. Thanks for wiping out a champion (maybe?) before you left Kev.

Russo is panicking like the 20 something year old woman when some psycho is chasing her in a direct to video movie. Of course most of those people don’t have WORKING PHONES they could use to call a cab.

David and Miss Hancock are having a moment.

Here’s Shane Douglas to address knocking Bagwell out on Monday. Bagwell must be wondering what happened to make Shane hit him in the head with brass knuckles. A month ago, Bagwell decided to fight against WCW and left Shane all on his own. Have we ever heard why Buff was suspended in the first place? Anyway Buff comes out for some revenge but Candido and Bigelow jump him before he can do much. Kronik runs out as well and it’s a big brawl.

Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott arrive. We cut to Palumbo and Stasiak who make fun of them for no apparent reason, only to have Rick and Tank appear behind them. Tank says that was recorded two hours ago and the beatdown is on. I’m not sure off the top of my head, but that might be the most contrived segment I’ve ever seen.

Cat comes in to see Russo (scaring him half to death) and promises to stay by his side. Scott Steiner arrives and Cat runs away screaming. Russo sees Steiner as well and runs on top of some cars because being a MAN involves being a great athlete. Well done on hitting the people arriving and movie tropes in the same segment.

Here are Mike Awesome and Positively Kanyon with something to say. So are they a team now? Kanyon scares himself with the pyro but says that he’s feeling really positive tonight. He’s so positive that he’s willing to team with the guy that tried to kill him. Again: was it a big ruse or not? We still don’t have an answer for that. Kanyon plugs his book signing at some little town in Kentucky (could you narrow that down for us?) with Mark Madden and his appearance on Craig Kilborn this Monday. It’s open challenge time.

Mike Awesome/Positively Kanyon vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

It’s a brawl to start of course with Steiner throwing Kanyon into the barricade while the other two fight in the ring. Kanyon crotches Rick on the top as the pairs switch off, leaving Awesome to load up a table. Back up and Rick Steiner Lines Abbott by mistake, which is actually enough to throw the match out. Really?

Stasiak and Palumbo come out to beat on Tank and Steiner but Scott Steiner comes in for the save. So are Rick and Scott back together now for no explained reason?

Russo tries to steal Nash’s car but gets caught by Kev, who rips Russo’s shirt off.

The Cat hits on Pamela and promises to take out Scott Steiner tonight.

Recap of Kidman/Hogan/Goldberg/Jarrett.

Kidman says he’s not New Blood anymore.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Kidman

Kidman screws over the team, gets a title shot out of it. So who booked this match exactly? Jeff is defending and in street clothes while Tygress is on commentary. Heaven help me. Kidman starts fast with a dropkick but walks into a hot shot to slow him down again. They head outside with Kidman being sent into the barricade in various ways. Back in and Kidman’s bad luck continues as he misses a dropkick.

Cue the Filthy Animals but Jarrett says he can do this on his own, allowing Kidman to grab a rollup for two. A Sky High gets two more for Kidman, followed by a rollup for the same. Jarrett tries a powerbomb because that’s something he uses all the time and we get the faceplant counter. That’s enough so Rey offers a distraction, allowing Konnan to hit him with the guitar. The Stroke retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: D+. Too much interference and too much Tygress trying to sound hip aside, this was an entertaining match that could have been a lot better if they just let the guys do their thing. If you need to do interference then do it, but stop pouring it on and trying to have three stories in the same match.

The Animals beat down Kidman until Nash makes the save and chokes Jeff with a belt. So Nash vs. Jarrett isn’t done either?

Here’s Vampiro because we haven’t had enough talking on this show tonight. It’s been three days since Steve Borden’s career went up in smoke but the fans are still brainwashed by the t-shirts and posters. He yells at a fan to take their Sting mask off and goes after her, only to have red liquid spat in his face. It’s Asya, which brings out the Demon for a brawl. Vampiro loads up the blowtorch but stops to lay out Asya instead. They keep brawling up by the stage with Vampiro being thrown into Demon’s coffin. Demon loads up the blowtorch but stops to check on Asya. Vampiro stumbles out of the coffin and is all spaced out.

Random clip of 3 Count to brighten your day.

Here’s Daffney in her black wedding dress because she’s sad over David leaving her for “Miss Peacock.” Daffney promises to break her legs but here’s Hancock with something behind her back. Apparently the something was just her hands as the fight is on until David comes out for the save. Crowbar comes out as well and gets hit low, allowing David and Hancock to leave.

Russo goes into Cat’s office to yell about Nash. Now you know what’s about to happen, the audience knows what’s about to happen, and anyone who has ever seen a movie knows what’s about to happen, so I’m going to spare you the details because unlike WCW, I don’t think you need everything explained to you.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. The Cat

Steiner is defending and rants about how Cat is taking Russo and Bischoff’s beating tonight. Scott hammers away in the corner and Cat claims a hair pull off a hiptoss. Cat tries to sneak in and comes up a few feet short in a funny bit. The security helps Cat out and a superkick gets two on the champ. Now it’s out to the floor so security can stomp him down and then get inside because why not. Shakira gets in as well and the distraction lets Midajah come in with a high cross body. The Steiner Recliner makes Cat tap.

Rating: D. In a change of pace from the previous match, the interference was probably the right call. Cat is great on the mic now that he’s figured out a fun character but his in ring stuff is still about as bad as it’s ever been. Bad match here and can we please get the US Title off Steiner? He’s held the thing for months now and I don’t remember the last important title defense he had.

Post match Cat says not so fast because the Recliner is now banned, meaning that’s a DQ loss for Steiner.

Jarrett is down in the back as Nash is on the phone with a buddy from Florida named Scott. The buddy gives him two ideas, but only one is legal.

David promises to shave Crowbar.

David Flair vs. Crowbar

Flair has the Statue of Liberty and the shaving gear with him. After a quick brawl on the floor to start, Crowbar throws him inside for a back elbow to the jaw. The chops have Crowbar in trouble and David tries a…….suplex I guess you would call it. Either way it puts Crowbar down but he rolls away from the elbow. They go back outside with David’s head coming into contact with various metal objects. David is sat in a chair so Crowbar can go back inside for a plancha, breaking the chair in the process. That looked cool at least.

Crowbar is banged up too though, allowing David to crotch him on the barricade. Back in and David does……well it was something with a gutwrench. After some strutting it’s time for a superplex but David screws up AGAIN by letting Crowbar go early, nearly causing a big crash. Crowbar is tired of all the botched moves and takes David down with a front suplex, followed by a slingshot legdrop for two. After David begs off, Crowbar loads up a sunset flip but Flair hits him in the head with the Statue for the pin.

Rating: D-. David Flair is really bad at this. Like, he’s just not good at the whole wrestling thing. That’s not his fault though as he’s nowhere near ready to be on a national program. He needed a few years on the indy circuit or in some form of developmental because it’s almost impossible to make your debut in a company this big.

Post match David goes to shave the hair but Daffney comes out for the save. Hancock comes out to lure David away.

We wrap it up with Nash (of course) as he drags Jeff out to the ring. Nash talks about his nephew being traumatized on Monday and brings up Deliverance. This brings out Russo with Scott Hall’s contract. If Nash does anything else, that contract is ripped up. Goldberg comes in from behind and helps Jeff beat Nash down to end the show. Indeed: the show ends with Russo getting the last laugh again.

Overall Rating: D-. People talk about Cena winning all the time but he has nothing on Vince Russo. All night long Russo was running scared and hiding and then in the end he gets to be all HAHA I WIN AGAIN! It stopped being something worth getting annoyed at….well I can’t say a long time ago because it’s only been going on for a few weeks now but it feels like it’s been going on for years already.

As for the rest of the show, it was your usual night for this era: short matches that didn’t have time to go anywhere, bad wrestling (on the brief occasions wrestling had the chance to happen), angles that felt more contrived than your stereotypical adult film plot and WAY too much Russo and Nash. Jarrett is basically the US Champion at the moment because Steiner’s title is just a prop for the Freaks to hold up. Bad show here, as is the custom.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: June 7, 2000
Location: Civic Coliseum, Knoxville, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,088
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the final show before the Great American Bash and this week’s Nitro was one of the biggest disasters I’ve ever seen. WCW has decided to make the old and new talent look horrible, aside from Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner, because they’re the future I guess. It can always get worse though so let’s get to it.

Nitro clips and we’re moving on.

Bischoff and lawyers arrive. Oh geez this is going to be bad.

Opening sequence.

Here are Bischoff and the lawyers with something to say. After sucking up to the fans, Bischoff gets right to the point: Goldberg is suspended for ninety days for his actions on Monday. Yeah that guy that we built up for months that you might want to see? He’s already gone again. On a more serious note, Jarrett is out of the main event of Great American Bash due to what Sting did to him on Monday. This brings out Jarrett wearing a neck brace, leg cast and arm sling while limping on a cane. Well he’s certainly selling.

Jeff is all serious and apologizes to everyone even though it was all Sting’s fault. Cue Nash with a bat, which he says is going to be used to take Jeff’s temperature. Instead he hits Jeff in the bad arm and loads up the Jackknife but Bischoff swings the bat at Kevin. That goes nowhere so Jeff takes off the rest of the protective gear and attacks, only to be knocked to the floor with ease. Weren’t you watching Nitro Jeff? You need AT LEAST seven people to take Nash down or else he might pin you without touching you.

Captain Rection is giving orders for the Misfits’ biggest mission yet.

Russo and David Flair bring in a bunch of senior citizens for some reason with Russo insulting all of them.

Daffney comes up to David Flair and asks why he hasn’t called her. She accuses him of cheating on her with “Miss Peacock.”

Kimberly and Jarrett are yelling at Bischoff while Cat yells at both of them. Jeff finally tells all of them, including Cat, to get out.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno

Daffney is defending. The Animals and Misfits are all here too, basically making it a lumberjack match. Konnan spews what is supposed to be English but I’m not entirely convinced. Disco: “Word to your mother.” Tygress joins in on commentary and this could go badly. Disco goes for a quick rollup on the champ but Loco makes the save and brawls with Disco in the corner.

That’s fine with Daffney who adds a middle rope Frankenscreamer. Now Loco and Daffney yell at each other until Disco headlocks him, only to get suplexed back down. Cue Crowbar to run inside and dive on the Misfits but here’s Miss Hancock to yell at Daffney. This brings out Kimberly to shove Hancock into Daffney, which brings out Major Gunns to yell at Kimberly for interfering. The match of course breaks down and Rey hits a Bronco Buster on Chavo. Everyone runs in and GI Bro cleans house with a Rock Bottom to Disco, giving Loco the pin and the title. As always, WAY too much in so short a match.

Gunns gives Chavo CPR because a match not even lasting three minutes has knocked him out.

Kidman kind of apologizes to Torrie for treating her like garbage on Monday. Well that’s nice of him.

Russo summons the Cat.

After a break, Cat has ejected the MIA from the building.

Kidman vs. Major Stash

Kidman has Horace with him. Before the match, Kidman says he knows they can trust each other after Monday. That might be a record for their longest time since turning on each other. Kidman goes after Stash to start but the big guy throws him down and knocks Horace to the floor where he belongs. Stash starts taking over with the power and tosses Kidman out of the corner with ease.

Horace tries to validate his existence by pulling Stash to the floor, setting up a plancha from Kidman. Now we get to a big reason why the relaxed rules don’t work: Kidman distracts the referee so Horace can whip Stash into the steps. It’s been made clear that cheating is legal now so why is Kidman bothering with the distraction? Anyway Stash comes back with a superplex but Horace comes in with a Death Valley Driver (with no distraction this time), allowing Kidman to drop a top rope elbow for the pin.

Kidman calls Torrie down for some “making up” but she slaps him in the face and leaves.

And now, a dance lesson with the Cat as he teaches the group of seniors. One of them threatens to smack the bleach out of his hair. This has been a dance lesson with the Cat.

Here are Russo and David with the seniors and it’s time for a party. Could this be a party to make fun of Ric Flair by any chance? I’m just guessing here of course. There’s a goodbye cake in the ring and I’m kind of curious to see if Russo can screw up the oldest idea in wrestling. Well the oldest one that he hasn’t screwed up yet because he’s already ruined the actual wrestling part of it.

David rips on his dad as he’s done in the past and Russo brags about being 2-0 in wrestling. He isn’t supposed to be here tonight due to a concussion and torn ligaments (real men don’t limp!) but he couldn’t miss this party. Russo says these are Ric’s friends because they’re all so old and it’s time to sing For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow. This brings out an even bigger cake, which Russo thinks has Ric inside.

Ric shows his intelligence though by coming out from under the ring and attacking from behind (because you can’t fight Vince Russo and David Flair in a straight fight. They’re intimidating you see.) and putting both of them into the cake. So yeah, Russo wins inside the Cell on Monday without ever selling being in the Figure Four for seventy seconds but Ric got to shove them into a cake. Somehow, I bet Russo thinks Ric got the better of this.

Rick Steiner, Tank Abbott and the Goldberg truck are here.

Bischoff says Goldberg is arrested if he comes in the building. Will the cops pull guns on him like they did with Hogan a few months back?

The Mamalukes are in the back when the Wall attacks them, meaning it’s time for a Hardcore Title match. Yes title match, because Bischoff gave them the title off camera since he wouldn’t even vacate a title on screen. Does this surprise anyone? The Freebird Rule is in effect.

Hardcore Title: Mamalukes vs. The Wall

The Wall pounds on both guys but here’s Johnny with a 4 foot tall box of Kraft macaroni and cheese. Come on Kraft, this is where you thought product placement was a good idea? The fight goes into the parking lot with the Mamalukes doing what they can against the monster (well as much of a monster as he is these days), eventually taking him into the arena and the fans. This is the walking around with the occasional punching style.

Into the ring they go with the Mamalukes hitting a double hiptoss into a powerbomb for two. Wall pops up, kicks Vito in the face and chokeslams Johnny before grabbing a table. Well what else was he going to do? Johnny is about to be thrown through the table but here’s Shane Douglas with a chair to Wall’s back, followed by a running powerbomb through the table. A top rope splash from Johnny is enough to retain the title.

Rating: D. So….best hardcore match in months? It’s probably better that they just gave the Mamalukes the title because they could actually get something out of it instead of just doing the same Terry Funk/Bischoff nonsense that made the belt even more of a joke than it already was. If they have to have the title around, at least let someone young use it to maybe get over.

Wall sits up like Undertaker and chases Shane off. The Mamalukes are just standing around so here’s Tank Abbott to knock them both out. It does make sense as they’ve been champions for all of six minutes so it must be time to make them look worthless. Tank wants Goldberg again and would love a rematch anytime. This Sunday, he’s going to make Scott Steiner his freak, but tonight he wants someone sexy. Oh man Nash vs. Abbott could be GOLD.

Abbott calls Nash out (after we cut away to a movie promo of course) and goes outside to yell at Schiavone’s son, who throws soda at him. Geez Tony hasn’t disciplined his son very well. Cue Nash for a brawl until Rick Steiner makes it 2-1, drawing out Scott Steiner for the save. This brings out Bischoff to say tonight it’s Steiner’s turn to run the New Blood gauntlet. If Nash interferes he’s out of the title shot and if Goldberg appears, he’s arrested.

Goldberg is in the back.

Cat yells at some cops.

Mike Awesome arrives in his ambulance.

Corporal Cajun vs. Mike Awesome

And for once it’s not an ambulance match! Awesome goes right after him to start because this should be a squash but is likely to be something else entirely. A big clothesline puts Cajun down, followed by a powerbomb and a splash for two. There’s the Awesome Splash from the top but let’s get a table instead of covering. Awesome drops Cajun with another clothesline and sets up the Awesome Bomb but here’s Page for the DQ, which is likely ruled a no contest because there was no bell. I know this isn’t traditional, but when someone interferes and attacks one of the wrestlers, it’s a DQ.

Awesome fights back with a halo shot and powerbombs Page through the table.

Hollywood Hogan arrives.

The cops are too busy looking at Kimberly to go after Goldberg.

Tag Team Titles: GI Bro/Captain Rection vs. Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo

Stasiak and Palumbo are defending of course. Rection and Stasiak get things going and this is pretty easily one of the worst ideas you could have in a match. Rection takes over with a clothesline and it’s off to Bro for a double elbow. Booker deserves so much better than this but at least he’s not another face in the crowd. Some double teaming puts Shawn down so it’s off to Palumbo who scores with the Jungle Kick (I have no idea why it’s called that but I like the name) to take over on Rection.

Cue Rection’s crazy dad from like three months ago as Stasiak comes in sans tag with a top rope clothesline for two. Chuck comes back in for a jumping back elbow as Rection’s dad seems to be enjoying Gunns’ camouflage trunks. His son keeps getting beat up as the announcers finally remember this stupid angle. Bro comes in for a failed save attempt but it lets Rection powerslam Chuck for a breather. It’s legally off to Bro for some house cleaning before he brings the Captain back in for a top rope elbow. No Laughing Matter but Dad comes in for a distraction, allowing Palumbo to blast Rection with the workout bar for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad actually and again that’s likely to it getting more time than almost any other match. Also, points to Russo for actually only putting in one angle before the cheating ending. That’s a lot better than usual, but it’s also really depressing when resurrecting a one off angle from the spring is a sign of improvement.

Kronik comes out to help destroy the champions.

Sting vs. The Cat

Before the match we get some dancing and bad grammar from Cat. Sting comes down but gets jumped by Vampiro, who sprays him with a fire extinguisher. No match, which is probably best for everyone all around.

Vampiro uses Sting’s own moves on him before lighting the announcers’ table on fire. Sting gets the extinguisher and puts the fire out but misses the Stinger Splash against the barricade. Vampiro Rock Bottoms him through the table and promises that it’s going to be Sting’s flesh burning on Sunday. Just burn each other already so we can get done with this stupid feud.

Gene brings out Hollywood Hogan for a chat. After name dropping Hall to explain being back in black, he says he’s bored with the New Blood stuff. He rips on Kidman for being a flea market champion and calls Horace the bad apple in the barrel. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot at Bash at the Beach. But will he still be bored then? You know, because he’s bored now instead of angry and wanting to get revenge. Posing ensues.

Gauntlet Match

I know this isn’t going to go well but can we please at least have real pins? Is that too much to ask? If Nash interferes, he loses his title shot. As Steiner makes his entrance, Tony throws in two more matches for Sunday’s card with a Cruiserweight Title match and a #1 contenders match to the Tag Team Titles, just to show how important those titles really are. Before the match, Steiner promises to come after Bischoff when this is done. Bischoff comes out with the New Blood and sends Candido in first.

Chris does better than anyone did on Nitro, surviving a full thirty seconds before getting pinned by a belly to belly superplex. A regular belly to belly puts Stasiak away in another twenty seconds (counting time spent running to the ring). Palumbo comes in, picks up Midajah, and gets caught in the Recliner for the submission. Scott Steiner just beat both Tag Team Champions in one minute even. Cat takes a Recliner of his own but the rest of the New Blood comes in and the match is thrown out.

Nash leaves his locker room and runs into a guitar shot from Jarrett. Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott are in to help on the beatdown and Scott is put in a straitjacket. They try to put him in a bodybag but here’s Goldberg to clean house. Bischoff sends the cops in to arrest Goldberg to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This show had some moments but it’s really just a lot less bad than Monday’s show. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it good and I’m really not even sure what I’m supposed to be looking forward to on Sunday. Could they not do Goldberg vs. Abbott there and just have Steiner vs. Steiner for the US Title in that mini cage? Bad show here, but there was some good action at times. Oh and Chavo being Cruiserweight Champion is a nice change of pace and he would make the most of it in the coming months.

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Thunder
Date: May 31, 2000
Location: Idaho Center, Boise, Idaho
Attendance: 5,438
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is the third straight TV show where we’re coming in with a new World Champion, which isn’t even counting the mid-show title change from this past Monday. Maybe tonight we can start slowing things down a bit for a change. If we’re lucky, we might even get in some more Vince Russo stories! Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the multiple World Title changes from Monday. That really shouldn’t be a thing.

Opening sequence.

The ramp is on the left hand side. I don’t remember the last time that’s happened in WCW.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido

Funk is defending and Candido comes in dressed like Terry for no apparent reason. Before the match, Candido praises Bischoff for giving him the chance to become champion. Well you have to get that praise in there or else he might start feeling bad. Funk comes out and chairs him in the head to start and they’re already in the back, drawing boos because A, the live fans are getting ripped off again and B, they don’t have a camera ready back there. Was it so hard to say “hey we’re going backstage early so have a camera ready.”? Or better yet, and more likely “hey, they’re going backstage early so have that pretape ready.”

Funk dumps trash over both of them before hitting Candido in the head with a chair again. Terry throws him on the back of a flatbed truck and drives it away (car thief). It’s back to the announcers because they have no idea what else to do now. A camera crew finally catches up to them and they’re near a stable. Well of course they are.

Candido has had time to recover and he sends Funk into a bail of hay, the water trough and then some manure. They go into a horse stall and Funk grabs a piledriver but they have to leave before the horse almost kicks Candido in the head. Tony calls that the high spot of the night. And now, because we’re in a Vince Russo booked company and nothing has to make sense, there’s a table next to the stall. Terry slams him through it….and hits the referee with a trashcan. Then Funk wakes him up and counts the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Ok, first and foremost, this is a big upgrade over a lot of the hardcore matches because it was something different. Instead of the usual “I hit you, you hit me, we do a finish” formula, they actually mixed this up a bit and went outside the walls a little bit. That being said, they still did a table spot at a stable. That felt so stupid and out of place that it crippled whatever they had going. Was there nothing else you could do, like piledrive Candido on….I don’t know……THE GROUND?

Russo puts Cat in charge for the night. I think I could live with this.

The Flair Family arrives. How Ric got them back isn’t made clear of course.

Kimberly arrives and gets the paparazzi treatment.

Here are the Flairs with something to say. After some WOOing, Ric talks about how it took Russo and a ball bat to get the title off of him this past Monday. This is the first time his family has been in the ring with him but there’s no David. Instead, David is in the back somewhere with Russo despite having the chance to be someone in this business. Not because of his abilities or anything, but because of his last name.

Ric is going to have his chance to give David the beating he deserves soon enough, but tonight he wants Russo in this ring for a match. Cue Russo, David and security with Vince in sunglasses because he didn’t want his New York friends to know he’s in Boise. Eh good line. He had to have one in all the time he jabbers. Russo talks about returning the champ (meaning Reid) and the witch to Ric. He has a cold tonight but he’s still here, unlike Flair who took a week off with a headache.

Ric swears a lot and calls David even worse than Russo. Vince ignores him and talks to Beth, bringing up the John Lennon song Imagine, because Beth needs to imagine what it’s going to be like when David retires Ric at the Great American Bash. Ric beats up security guards and asks if Russo wants a fight tonight. Russo offers a father/son vs. father/son match instead and Reid agrees. The guards hold the Flairs back and David gets in a cheap shot with the bat and Russo adds a slap because Russo is cool like that. WAY too long here to get to the point but they had to get in Russo’s funny lines.

Kimberly yells at Cat over not having her needs met tonight. Cat stares at her chest and eventually gives her Mike Awesome to manage tonight for some TV time. For some reason Awesome is excited when Kimberly asks if he’s good at massaging her feet.

Back from a break and Cat comes into his office, only to find Kidman in his chair. They argue over Horace because we’re still not clear if Horace and Kidman are friends or not. Cat makes Kidman vs. Horace vs. Sting tonight and Torrie doesn’t seem happy for some reason.

Here are Awesome and Kimberly with something to say. Awesome promises to hurt Page even worse than he hurt Kanyon and that means being worse than a broken back. Kimberly suggests that the people applaud her and get annoyed when it’s not loud enough. She runs her mouth even more until a plant runs in and gets beaten up. Was there a point to any of this and I’m just missing it?

Cat gives Shane Douglas a World Title match as a thank you for all of his hard work lately. Ok, the title change streak has to end here right? I know the company is crazy but they’re not going to put it on Shane freaking Douglas.

Horace Hogan vs. Sting vs. Kidman

Wait is this a handicap or a three way? I know Cat said it was a three way but it’s never clear if the people making the matches know what they’re talking about. Sting charges down the ring and dives over the top to take out both guys. They head outside with Sting getting double teamed, allowing Kidman to do the Hogan hand to the ear. There’s a legdrop for two as Horace seemed fine with potentially losing the match.

Sting fights up and sends Horace to the floor but can’t get the Deathlock. Horace adds a Death Valley Driver but Kidman is smart enough to break it up at two. It’s table time but Horace hits Kidman by mistake. Sting comes back with Splashes and throws Kidman through the table, followed by a long run down the ramp to drive them both through the table again. Kidman is out so the Scorpion makes quick work of him to give Sting the win.

Rating: D. This was one of the more coherent matches I’ve seen from WCW in a long time and it was still a mess. Kidman vs. Horace is such a lame feud and I’m still not clear why they’re fighting. I mean, I know it’s because Torrie went with Horace that time, but has that ever been explained or addressed since? Not that it matters as Sting and the other Millionaires keep beating both guys and making them look like even bigger losers than they already are.

Kidman and Horace argue until Mike Awesome comes down to break it up.

Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner are ready for Nash and Scott tonight. Abbott hypes up his showdown with Goldberg on Monday. That’s the translated version at least as neither can talk to save their life.

Jarrett doesn’t like having to defend against Shane tonight and rants to Russo about it. Russo says don’t worry about it.

Ralphus and Norman still can’t find a job after their lawn mowing and babysitting endeavors have both failed. However, they see a sign for a backyard wrestling federation and the lightbulbs go off again.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Shane Douglas

Jarrett is defending but it’s not clear which title, as his graphic says he’s the US Champion. Even technology can’t keep up with Russo’s booking. Tenay and Schiavone talk about how they don’t recommend backyard wrestling. Heenan is more worried that Ralphus is loose in a neighborhood. Jeff cuts Shane off from talking and I’m suddenly a bigger fan. Shane stomps away in the corner and catches him in an atomic drop for no cover.

Cue the Cat to applaud Shane but Jeff steals his scarf and chokes Shane out. A powerslam and backslide get two each for Shane but the referee and Cat get in a fight. Shane hits the Pittsburgh Plunge but Cat throws a chair at the referee. With the ref down, Cat kicks the chair into Shane’s face, setting up the Stroke to retain the title. So Cat just fixed a problem he caused in the first place. You know what? I’ll take it. It makes more sense than most stuff they do around here.

Page sits down with Tenay and talks about his history with Bischoff, but he doesn’t know how they split so far apart. He never saw this coming with Kimberly but not the person she’s become now. After talking about his book a bit (didn’t that come out like a year or more ago?), Page promises revenge against Awesome. Tenay suggests that maybe Page has caused all these problems and Page leaves. Well to be fair Hogan caused most of his own problems and is supposed to be worshiped in WCW so why can’t Page get the same treatment?

Cat gives Stasiak and Palumbo a Tag Team Title shot tonight and just for fun, the titles can change hands on a DQ. Shane runs in to yell at Cat, who says the devil made him do it.

Nash and Scott are on exercise bikes as the Freaks watch.

Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo

Kronik is defending and remember that the titles can change hands on a DQ. Adams and Stasiak start as Heenan talks about being on the radio where everyone was talking about Goldberg. I know it’s stupid and I know no one buys it, but points to Heenan for trying to make WCW sound important. We’ve spent months hearing WCW announcers rip on the company and basically treat the fans like idiots, but at least Heenan is trying to do SOMETHING positive.

Stasiak gets beaten down and it’s off to Clark vs. Palumbo. Tony calls him Palumbi as Chuck kicks Clark in the chest for two. As the announcers talk about Columbo (as in the cop show from the 70s), Clark’s tilt-a-whirl backbreaker winds up being a tilt-a-whirl back of the head breaker which thankfully didn’t break Chuck’s neck. Palumbo clotheslines Adams and brings in Stasiak who mostly misses a jumping back elbow. The not hot tag brings in Adams to clean house and there’s High Times to Stasiak but Adams hits Palumbo with the exercise bar like an idiot and we have new champions.

Rating: F. Other than Heenan, this was one of the worst matches I’ve seen WCW have in at least a week. For once though it’s more because of the blown spots and poor execution rather than the terrible booking. This was one of the only realistic ways to get the belts off Kronik and I like that they’re giving it to a new team….but Stasiak is still really boring and I don’t see that getting any better.

Kronik chokeslams the referee to blow off some steam.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. I think this is one of those things WCW has forgotten they’re paying for and it just keeps going because no one watches Thunder.

Back to the backyard wrestling where Norman is mistake for Booker T. Norman asks the champion champion (probably 14 years old) if he knows anything about amateur wrestling. That would be no of course so Norman offers to share some of his amateur background. After some basic technique, Norman demonstrates a three quarter nelson….and demands that Ralphus count a pin, making Norman the new champion. Norman and Ralphus run off with the title as the kids chase after them. These two continue to be hilarious and continue to go nowhere. Well other than up the street with the paper belt of course.

We get another sitdown interview with Eric Bischoff over whatever made he and Russo miss Thunder two weeks ago. Bischoff talks about making news and says we’ll find out at Great American Bash and McMahon can’t stop it. I’d love to see McMahon watching this show and chuckling while his pay per view for this month had Rock vs. HHH for an hour with Undertaker making his return with a new gimmick, Jericho vs. Benoit in a submission match and a triple threat with the other Radicalz. You have all that but WCW has another GAME CHANGING idea.

Vince Russo/David Flair vs. Reid Flair/Ric Flair

This is going to be ugly. Ric and David start (thank goodness) with the dad chopping away in the corner. He rips David’s shirt off for more chops (what a horrible father. I know Russo has ruined this company but I almost want to cheer for him over Ric.) but stops to yell at Russo. Since we’re in the middle of a match and Ric is a horrible father, he offers to let Reid have a three minute match with Russo. If Reid can’t pin him, Ric will leave the business.

The freakshow continues as Reid takes Russo down. There goes Russo’s jacket as Reid takes him down two more times in a row. After about two minutes, Ric comes in and beats on Russo, only to have David come in with more chops and a suplex. Ric and David fight to the floor, allowing Russo to smash a Statue of Liberty over Ric’s face. Back inside and some quick double teaming sets up the Figure Four on Reid, allowing Russo to cover him for the pin.

Rating: F. For the second time tonight, a grown man has pinned an adolescent. Not only is Russo coming up with nonsensical ideas but he’s repeating them in the same hour. For some reason though, I’m liking this better than having women being stupid and getting kidnapped over and over.

Ric wants Russo in a cage on Monday and threatens to call Ted Turner to get the match made.

Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

The Cat is out for commentary as the good guys clean house to start. Scott suplexes Tank to the floor but that’s too much time without an announcement: whoever gets the fall here is #1 contender to the World Title. Rick kicks his brother low for two but we cut to the back to Jarrett, who says there’s going to be a DQ here. So this match has DQ’s as well? Rick’s cobra clutch is as lame as you would expect a Rick Steiner cobra clutch to be but his belly to belly is a little bit better.

Tank comes in for some punches (yes punches) before Rick comes back in to continue that cobra clutch. Scott finally grabs a side slam for two and makes the tag off to Nash for some house cleaning. A big boot gets two on Tank but Rick hits him low, setting up the third cobra clutch in five minutes. Cue Jarrett with the guitar to break up the Recliner on Rick but Cat makes it No DQ. A belt shot only gets two on Nash (of course) and he kicks a chair into Rick’s face, setting up the Jackknife for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D-. Another horrible match and another way for Nash to look like a world beater, even though I have no reason to believe he’ll hold the title if he wins it at the pay per view. Also, Nash vs. Jarrett is really the best idea they can go with? As much as I hate to admit it, yeah it probably is.

Overall Rating: D-. Somehow that’s one of the better shows they’ve had in a long time. They toned down some of the insanity in the first hour, but after Ralphus and Norman invaded a backyard wrestling federation (that was awesome), Vince Russo got to pin a twelve year old and treated it like a major win. The Great American Bash now has a BIG SURPRISE planned, thereby guaranteeing that it’s going to be underwhelming. Anyway, as usual here, the more Russo a show has, the worse it gets.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: May 27, 2000
Location: Wendler Arena, Saginaw, Michigan
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

So Jarrett is World Champion again after losing the title for a full week. The biggest change seems to be Nash moving in to the World Title scene, which is one of the least interesting things they could do, which is why we’re likely to see it happen. This company has to hit a wall soon enough but I don’t want to imagine what has to happen to reach that point. Let’s get to it.

Recap of Nitro’s latest title change.

Steiner and Nash arrive.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist

Daffney is defending, likely because she’s associated with Russo on screen and that makes her important. Before the match, Candido talks about how great it is to be part of the first couple of sports entertainment. Tammy gets to strip a bit as this is already getting boring. Again before the match, let’s get some words from the champ. She’s in a black wedding dress because she wanted David to propose to her but she’ll take the ring in the arena instead.

We finally start the match with Daffney getting away from the guys, setting up a three way champion/managers showdown. Cue Miss Hancock as Candido powerslams Artist for two. A Samoan drop puts Candido down and Daffney gets a near fall on each. Cue Crowbar to fight Artist, which is rather stupid as it leaves Daffney alone against Candido. As this is going on, Tammy pays Hancock for her clipboard but hits Candido by mistake, giving Daffney the pin, because Tammy swinging a half inch thick clipboard is enough to knock a professional wrestler unconscious after he’s been wrestling for two minutes.

Russo whines to Bischoff about all of his problems. Does he do anything besides book bad wrestling shows and complain about how much his life sucks?

Norman Smiley are trying to sell shirts when Shane Douglas comes up to give them a Hardcore Title shot. Why did he do that? Because the show’s script said he should.

Kimberly tells Elizabeth to put lotion on her back. You can add “puts his female talent in life versions of his erotica” to the list of things Russo does.

Hardcore Title: Shane Douglas vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

So Shane is officially Hardcore Champion after the New Blood beat Terry Funk down in a non match on Monday. We’re ready to go after Shane rips on Flair because he thinks people outside of Philadelphia actually care about that feud. Ralphus is in a gorilla suit (and I’m SURE it’s him and not someone else in a wacky surprise) which he wasn’t wearing and didn’t seem to have five minutes ago.

Naturally there’s something else to get to before another comedy title match as Bischoff says Douglas can’t give these two a title shot. Douglas takes Norman’s trashcan away and hammers on him to start. Ralphus’ cookie sheet shot has no effect so Shane beats on Norman with a trashcan lid, sending Ralphus out to the floor. Norman comes back with the spinning slam but the spanking dance is broken up by a low blow.

A neckbreaker and suplex get two on Smiley but Ralphus hits Douglas with a trashcan lid for no effect. Ralphus runs again but stops to pick at himself. Back in the ring and Norman collapses as Ralphus comes back. Some trashcan lid shots get two on Douglas and it’s table time. The chain to Norman’s head sets up a slam through the table but Ralphus grabs the chain and knocks Douglas out with a left hand for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. So to recap, Funk brought a gorilla suit (yes of course that’s where it’s going) on the off change that Douglas would get all cocky and offer Norman and Ralphus a title shot. We’ll of course ignore Funk not attacking Douglas in the multiple chances he had during the match but then again this isn’t the most complicated plan in the world.

Of course it’s Funk in the gorilla suit, meaning he’s the new champion.

Bischoff tells Cat to “Jackie Chan” Funk. At least go with Bruce Lee man.

Russo is talking to some old woman.

Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner are wearing goggles. Why? Not explained, but it makes for a funny random visual I guess.

After a recap of Russo vs. Flair, here are Russo, David, Daffney and the woman Russo was talking to. Russo says it’s time for another expose tonight, starring Reid’s sixth grade teacher Mrs. Snodgrass, who is every stereotypical old teacher you’ve ever seen. Apparently Reid was a hellion (her word) who would make rude noises. After more stories of Reid being a normal twelve year old, David grabs the mic and says he wants to fight Reid at the Great American Bash. For the love of all things good and holy, PLEASE let that match happen. It could be glorious.

That’s enough of the Flair story though as Nash comes out to advance another Russo story. He wants to kill Russo but so does this man: Scott Steiner. Nash and Steiner destroy security to get at Russo, who tells them to hit Snodgrass. This goes as well as you would expect so Nash and Steiner choke Russo down and demand a World Title match tonight. Russo makes a three way dance.

Jarrett yells at Russo, who can barely talk (HALLELUJAH).

Bischoff tells Douglas to deal with Funk tonight.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action

Elimination match because there’s no place for something like this on pay per view. Everyone brawls to start and Hammer (Stash. I’m not going to remember to change them to their new names most of the time so we’ll stick with the more familiar ones) throws Juvy at Konnan in a nice power display. All four Misfits splash Disco in the corner and he staggers over to Major Gunns for a kick low.

We settle down to Juvy vs. Chavo with Guerrera snapping off some chops. Guerrero is sent to the ramp but dives back in to take Juvy down and tag in Lash. Rey comes in for some rope running, followed by a side slam from Leroux. The dancing punches are good for two and it’s off to Juvy, only to have Disco sneak in and help on a double powerbomb to eliminate Lash. It’s Hammer coming in to throw Disco around with a spinebuster getting two.

Juvy tries to come in off the top but gets slammed down, setting up a horrible cobra clutch slam (you would think Juvy could jump better than that) for a one count. This brings Disco in with a kendo stick to clean house, allowing Rey to come in off the top with a seated senton to eliminate Hammer. Disco comes in and takes Chavo down with a swinging neckbreaker, only to have Chavo pop up and hook the tornado DDT for the elimination.

It’s off to Juvy whose headscissors is countered into a reverse powerbomb (always liked that move) for two. Rection’s moonsault is enough to pin Juvy and we’re down to Rection/Chavo vs. Konnan (hasn’t been in yet)/Mysterio. Cue Shawn Stasiak for no apparent reason but Booker debuts his fatigues look to clean house. A spinebuster plants Rey and the Misfits win just because.

Rating: C-. This could have been better but a WCW match getting nine minutes and only having two people interfere is a rare treat these days. I still don’t know why this wasn’t on pay per view but I’d assume it was so they could have three other matches in its place. It’s also nice to see that Russo has gotten in his standard stable wars within a bigger stable war, even though no one is really getting a rub out of this.

Bischoff tries to break up an argument between Kidman, Horace and Torrie.

Elizabeth shoves Kimberly and runs away. Don’t worry. She’ll be kidnapped again by the end of the show.

Russo is talking to Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott.

Shane can’t find Funk.

The Wall vs. Chuck Palumbo

Tables match. Wall suplexes him to start and lifts him up in the corner for some choking. Palumbo escapes an attempt at a slam through a table and elbows out of a chokeslam. The exercise bar knocks Wall off the apron and through the table. This was NOTHING. Like even by WCW standards, this was a waste of time.

Wall chases Palumbo to the back because a metal rod to the face through the table isn’t worth selling.

Kimberly is ordered to find Elizabeth. Why is Elizabeth such an important character on this show? She doesn’t wrestle, she barely talks, she hasn’t meant anything important in years at this point, yet she’s getting more air time than a lot of the champions in this company. Elizabeth is cool but you would think she was one of the stars of the show at this point.

Here are Bischoff (doing his airplane bit), Torrie, Kidman and Horace for a chat. Bischoff gets to the point and says that the music dies at the Great American Bash. Hogan’s music that is. Horace blames Hulk for ruining his career and it’s open challenge time.

Horace Hogan/Kidman vs. Kronik

Non-title and Bischoff is doing commentary because what else is he going to do? Clark chops away at Kidman to start and kicks him in the face. As Bischoff rambles about Hulk, Kidman comes back with a dropkick, only to get choked up against the ropes. Kidman comes out of the corner with a Bodog and it’s off to Adams for some more power. A sleeper is easily countered as Adams flips Kidman onto the mat, only to have Kidman come back with a hurricanrana.

Horace flips Kidman off when he comes for a tag so Bischoff gets up, only to be shoved back down. Horace gets a chair as Kronik gives Kidman High Times. Clark loads up Kidman for a chair but Horace turns (?) on him to lay Kronik out with a chair, giving Kidman the pin. The announcers have no idea if this was a title match or not.

Rating: D. Another bad match but Kronik is still a fun enough act. Kidman and Horace’s issues aren’t interesting together but most of that is due to Horace being as generic of a big man as I can remember in a very long time. I like the idea of pushing someone new, but there comes a point where it’s not going to happen. Put someone else in there and let it be over already.

Shane yells at Norman and Ralphus about letting Funk take Ralphus’ place. Norman says Funk paid double what Shane did but he’s already left the building. Shane punches Smiley and takes Ralphus to help him find Funk. So Norman and Ralphus, two guys with no money, wouldn’t accept a title shot without being paid for it? That’s how worthless the title is?

Shane brings Ralphus to the ring and beats him down until Wall, who is facing Shane at the Great American Bash in a tables match, comes out for a brawl. As Norman tends to Ralphus, Shane dives off the apron and gets chokeslammed through the announcers’ table.

Booker T. is with the Misfits and says he’s now to be known as G.I. Bro. I’m assuming this would be the idea that Booker was talking about on Monday when he said “tune in next week”. So now they can’t even wait a week for the GENIUS idea of G.I. Bro, which Booker had used years earlier.

Kimberly has security looking for Elizabeth.

G.I. Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak stomps the new guy down in the corner to start and chokes him on the ropes. They head outside with Bro hitting an ax handle off the apron, followed by a some right hands back inside, only to have Stasiak hot shot him. Back to the floor as Stasiak continues to search for anything resembling a good offense. Bro is sent into various objects before they head back inside and exchange clotheslines for two each. A powerbomb gets the same for Stasiak but he tries to bring in a chair, allowing Bro to hit his series of kicks, followed by the Book End for the pin.

Rating: D+. So it’s just Booker T. in fatigues. I’ve heard worse ideas, like having Stasiak get in this much offense when you’re trying to get over a new character or having Terry Funk win the Hardcore Title back two days after he kind of lost it or having Vince Russo as the centerpiece of your show.

Post match Stasiak hits him with a chair and beats Booker down, likely setting up a rematch at the pay per view. Or tonight in case Russo can’t wait to blow that hot feud off as well.

Mike Tenay is with Sting, who doesn’t think anything of Vampiro. Ten years ago he was just like Vampiro (no he wasn’t) but now that he’s grown up, he still has the fire in his eyes. Tenay asks about the inferno match and Sting calls the idea stupid. He’ll take the challenge though because that’s what he does. The lights go out and come back on to reveal the set on fire. You really didn’t need to turn the lights back on for that guys.

Kimberly is in the back for a talk but Elizabeth attacks her from behind and drags her away. This can’t end well.

Here’s Diamond Dallas Page with some biting commentary: Bischoff sucks. Well that’s one way of putting it. He talks about working hard to get where he is today and how Bischoff has turned his wife against him and Awesome injuring Kanyon (he’s way too calm about that). He keeps going on about all the things Bischoff has done to him when Liz brings Kimberly out by the hair.

Oh yeah this is going exactly where you expect it to: Page spanks Kimberly, giving Russo more fuel for his personal pleasure later on. As this is going on, Palumbo kidnaps Liz and I roll my eyes. That has to be the sixth or seventh time it’s happened and we’re still supposed to care? Anyway Mike Awesome pops up on screen in Kanyon’s hospital room, looking rather menacing. Oh well enough of that because we need to see people walking to the ring.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner

Jarrett is defending and has Russo with him for commentary of course. As Steiner comes out, we’re told that Palumbo kidnapped Elizabeth AGAIN, meaning Russo has her again. I’m so sick of this story. Despite Russo’s voice being sore from the choke, he has to talk even more, this time making himself guest referee for the match so it will be an even playing field. They’re going to change the title on some wacky occurrence aren’t they?

Nash immediately chases Russo into the crowd (how manly of Russo to run with a sore throat), leaving Steiner to beat Jarrett up. The champ is tied into the Tree of Woe and Nash comes back to choke him. Russo and his security are on the ramp so Steiner goes after them as well. Russo’s bat is taken away from him but Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott show up on the stage with Scott’s freaks.

Scott goes after them, leaving Russo to go after Nash who promptly hits him in the face. Jarrett hits Nash in the back with a bat to break up the Jackknife to the boss. Back up and Nash hits the referee (Billy Silverman, who has been refereeing the match despite what Russo said) by mistake. Jeff misses a belt shot so Nash hits him in the face with the title. Russo pulls the referee out of the ring at two and hits him with a guitar.

Jeff blasts Nash with a chair and Russo counts two but since we haven’t had something going on for all of six seconds, here’s Steiner to run through Russo’s security, clearing a path for referee Mickie Jay. Steiner chases Russo off and Nash powerbombs Jarrett for the pin and the title.

Rating: F. To quote Gorilla Monsoon: “WILL YOU STOP???” Look at all the insanity in this match and then consider that it didn’t even run five minutes. Normally I would talk about how you should just have a three way if you want to have a three way, but such common sense is lost on someone like Russo. Horrible “match” of course because they couldn’t go fifteen seconds without something else happening.

The announcers treat this like the biggest title change in years. I could buy that if this wasn’t the sixteenth title change since the beginning of the year. That’s sixteen title changes (including vacancies) in less than five months. Let’s put this in some perspective.

Counting backwards from today (October 17, 2015), you would have to go back to Summerslam 2011 to see the WWE Championship change hands sixteen times.

Starting with the inception of the title (February 1991), the WCW World Title didn’t change hands sixteen times until November 1995.

Finally, starting at Barely Legal 1997, the ECW World Title changed hands exactly sixteen times until their final pay per view in January 2001.

So we have four years, four and a half years, just under four years, or less than five months in WCW 2000.

Overall Rating: D-. It’s the same old troubles as always as Russo can’t stop putting everything he can think of into one show. You had two title changes tonight plus the Tag Team Champions losing a match and maybe the titles (this would be the second time in a month where it’s not clear if we have new champions or not).

There’s so much stuff going on here that I’m desensitized to everything they’re doing. How can I feel the impact of Nash winning the title if I’m still reacting to Flair winning it just nine days earlier? There’s so much going on and no time to take it in, but Russo keeps making things faster and faster. The pay per view still doesn’t have an announced main event and the show is in eleven days. We’re in the dark days of Russo here as he has full control and is showing why that’s a horrible idea. I don’t want to imagine where it’s going to go from here.

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Thunder
Date: May 17, 2000
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,066
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

So Ric Flair is the new World Champion and now it’s all about trying to find out how Russo can screw up having one of the most popular stars and best wrestlers in the company on top. Granted I’m sure some of it will involve Russo beating Flair up to affirm his manliness for the week because he seems to forget it every other show. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of Flair winning the title.

Opening sequence.

The New Blood arrives in a school bus and Shane Douglas, put in charge tonight by Bischoff, takes roll. Konnan isn’t cool with listening to Shane (he probably had enough of that in ECW) and the brawl is on. Cue the Millionaire’s Club and Misfits for a brawl (leave it to Russo to have mini stables fighting in the big stable war) and Hogan steals the bus keys from Douglas.

The announcers talk about Flair and Russo. To be fair we’re four minutes into the show so a Russo discussion was warranted.

Here’s are the Misfits and the Club (complete with the hottest act in the business in Terry Funk) to open things up. Hogan holds up the keys to the bus and tells Shane to tear up the format because they’re booking this show tonight. Cue the New Blood with Shane saying Russo and Bischoff left him in charge. It sounds like a five year old saying he’s in charge of day care while the boss is making lunch.

Hogan says he beat Kidman at Slamboree and wants a rematch at the Bash. If Hogan wins, he gets the title shot at Bash at the Beach in July. Kidman agrees to fight the mark (gah those insider terms were starting to go away) at the Bash before Hogan tells Horace they’re fighting tonight. Wait weren’t Kidman and Horace mad at each other on Monday? Jarrett says he wants Flair tonight so Ric comes to the stage and goes after all of the New Blood so it’s time for a big stable war.

The Filthy Animals aren’t pleased with Shane.

Misfits in Action vs. Filthy Animals

Eight man tag. We’re ready to go after Konnan massacres the English language yet again. Disco gets sent into the corner to start and the big men hit running splashes. This brings in Major Gunns as the match is already falling apart. It’s off to Hammer vs. Juvy with the guy you would expect to use a hurricanrana using a hurricanrana out of the corner. Hammer comes right back with right hands and a superplex for two before it’s Rey vs. Rection. I still feel bad having to type that name so often.

Some kicks set up the Bronco Buster but Rection lifts Rey up into a powerbomb position. Rey punches him in the head to make Rection go down (yeah yeah I know) and that’s exactly what he does…..right into a powerbomb. Well you can’t blame Rection for that one. Chavo comes in to clean house on Konnan but Shawn Stasiak sneaks out to low bridge him to the floor and that’s actually a DQ. I didn’t know those still existed but maybe it’s because Russo and Bischoff aren’t here. I could get used to this.

Rating: D+. There was some nice action in here but as usual they didn’t have time to do anything. Russo and Bischoff did love themselves some stable wars and if they can have a mini stable war inside the big stable war you know they’re going to be all for it. It’s still not very interesting after we’ve seen it 67 times, but that never stopped WCW before.

The Misfits get beaten down until Booker makes the save, leading to Major Gunns taking off her top and giving Chavo CPR. Tenay: “It must be the large lungs.”

Luger tells the Millionaires he has to go and take care of something.

Booker T. (yes T again. I’ll give Russo this: he knew enough to realize how stupid that idea was) says he’s got the Misfits’ back.

Hulk Hogan vs. Horace Hogan

Hulk blames Horace’s actions on the death of his father. I’m sure the gorgeous blonde had nothing to do with it. In the back we see Kidman trying to come out but Horace beats him up to stop it. Horace grabs Torrie’s hand and drags her to ringside where Hulk immediately attacks him.

The nephew is sent into various metal objects until he rakes Hulk’s eyes after Hulk sets up a table. They get inside and Hulk starts with the weightlifting belt to take over again. Torrie gets on the apron for a distraction and Horace gets in a cheap shot. Horace kisses Torrie, drawing out Kidman to beat him down. The distraction lets Hulk hit Horace in the back with a chair for the lame pin.

Rating: D-. That’s some strong nepotism. I like the idea of trying to push Horace as something new, but that might involve them actually letting him pin Hulk, or at least not get destroyed by him in four minutes. That being said, he got to kiss Torrie so it’s not a total loss. Nothing match of course, as anyone would have expected.

Post match Hulk goes after Torrie but kisses her instead, knocking Torrie down to the mat. Hulk leaves and Torrie can’t stop smiling. So now Hulk is the great lover. Does that make Kidman the original Bubba the Love Sponge?

Chuck Palumbo is lifting at the gym but here’s Lex Luger to kick out his spotter and attack Palumbo with a pipe. Palumbo gets thrown into a laundry bin and hit with a “45lb weight.” Yes it’s real because 45lb weights bounce along the floor when you throw them down. Luger pours a protein shake on Palumbo for good measure. So we have pipes and covering someone in liquid. This is totally different than the other phallic weapons that Russo usually has people use.

Norman and Ralphus are selling homemade F.U.N.B. shirts. Where did they get the money to make those if they had $1.20 between them on Monday?

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Cat

This is Funk giving Cat a shot due to what happened Monday. Funk attacks him on the ramp and gets two each off a DDT and neckbreaker. They fight into the back with Funk nailing him with a computer, only to be sent into a pile of water bottles. Some trash can shots have Cat in trouble so he comes back with a bag of popcorn.

They keep throwing each other into various things and there’s nothing going on in between. It heads outside with Funk breaking down Norman and Ralphus’ t-shirt table. He beats on them with a chair for good measure but Cat attacks him from behind. They fight onto a car and Cat throws Funk off, only to have to beat up Norman to cut off his sales pitch. Smiley hits Cat with a chair to give Funk the pin.

Rating: D. This was entertaining at times with the Norman stuff being worth more than the rest of the match. I think I’ve complained enough about Funk’s major push already and at least this was just a one on one match. Miller is fine for a comedy guy but he was never a real threat here.

Norman and Ralphus get arrested. It was a nice idea while it lasted.

Here’s Mike Awesome to brag about crippling Kanyon. He’s got DDP at the Bash but tonight it’s an open challenge. Scott Steiner comes out and promises to put Awesome in the ambulance, which just happens to be ready for them.

Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner kicks him low to start and does the belly to belly into the pushups. I guess the elbow is still in development. Awesome bails to the floor and throws in a chair but Steiner catches it, only to throw it at Mike and miss. It’s Awesome with a low blow this time, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. It says a lot that they have so many gimmick matches that they can’t remember if they’re having another one here or not. The Awesome Bomb is broken up and Steiner puts on the Recliner, only to have Goldberg’s music break it up.

It’s Tank of course but Rick Steiner sneaks in from behind to start a 3-1 on his brother. Cue the Goldberg truck in the arena and the distraction lets Scott throw Rick and Tank at the truck. This is too much for Awesome who gets in the ambulance and drives away, I guess giving Steiner the win. And yes I mean Scott. I shouldn’t have to clarify that someone not in the match can’t win it, but stranger things have happened around here lately.

Rating: D. Like I said, the fact that they seem confused over whether or not they’re having a gimmick match tells you most of what you need to know here. Mike losing again makes me roll my eyes but it’s been clear for a long time that this alleged youth movement is more smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that it’s all about the old guys.

Shane tries to fire up the New Blood but he’s no Russo or Bischoff. Take that however you want to.

Mike Tenay is in the hospital with Kanyon, who has little feeling from the waist down. He saw what was happening in the main event at Slamboree and had to get involved because Page has done so much for him. Kanyon certainly isn’t bothered that Page is out walking while he’s here in the hospital because he’ll survive this. He’s going to turn on Page and the announcers are going to be disgusted at such a horrible thing right?

Shane gets a phone call from Kronik who want him in a three way dance tonight. Douglas hangs up on them and tells the New Blood to watch his door. They tell him to fight his own battles and leave.

During the break, Kronik broke into Shane’s locker room and drag him to the ring for a fight.

Kronik vs. Shane Douglas

It seems that Kronik are the official champions after the win on Monday. Sure why not. Shane tries to fight back with a foreign object but Clark knocks it out of his hand and hits the pumphandle slam. Cue the Wall with a table to chokeslam Shane through a table for revenge from Monday. High Times completes the squash. Tony tries to call this a three way dance but give me a break.

Rating: D-. So tonight’s lesson is the New Blood comes apart as soon as the calm and soothing voices of Russo and Bischoff aren’t around. Yes they’re somehow putting themselves over all the wrestlers despite not even being in the building. Total squash here as it should have been and now the Wall seems to be defecting. I’m sure that means he gets buried soon.

Here’s the new champ with something to say but he has to wait for a FIFTEEN TIMES chant. As usual he says “last night” but at least he corrects himself and says Monday night. Flair tells Jarrett that he was lucky to win on Monday but he still has the belt. Jarrett comes from the old school and that earns Ric’s respect but now it’s time for the champ to worry about his home life.

That brings him to Russo, who was a skinny Italian kid growing up in the Bronx. Russo’s dad told him to be like Bruno Sammartino but Russo thought Bruno wasn’t slick enough. So Russo’s dad bought him cable and one day Russo saw WCW out of Atlanta, Georgia. The sight of Flair scared Russo’s mom (who speaks with a stereotypical Italian accent like Russo’s dad) and all that was left was Russo who had a checkbook but no muscles.

Russo wanted to be a limousine riding jet flying kiss stealing wheeling dealing son of a gun but no muscles, no girlfriends and now he doesn’t even have the World Title. The title represents the old generation and tradition. Flair got lucky but he’s got the belt and the title is all there is in this sport. Since Russo can’t take over the great ones, he’s taking over Ric’s son. Cue Jeff Jarrett and the fight is quickly on but Crowbar and David come in to help with the beating.

This means Horsemen music and Arn with a pipe for the save. Anderson says Russo woke up another old dog last week and he always wakes up grumpy. He was content to just work backstage and do what he could but the reality is he’s a wrestler. When Anderson comes home and sees his kid playing with matches, he stops caring about what people think and whips that kid with a belt so he doesn’t do it again. Anderson holds up the four fingers and says tonight it’s Anderson and Flair one more time.

Vampiro rambles about being the real freak and burns a Sting mask.

Here’s Sting with something to say. He’s been doing this for more than ten years but Vampiro has him about to blow a gasket. Vampiro comes out to say Sting has no backbone because he didn’t finish the job on Monday. Sting wants to be Vampiro and they need to fight again at the Great American Bash in an inferno match. Sting says no so Vampiro lights the ropes on fire.

Shane asks Jarrett for help.

Ric Flair/Arn Anderson vs. Crowbar/David Flair

We cut to the back to see Anderson getting beaten down (apparently he broke his foot in between the segment and the match so he couldn’t go). Jarrett comes out to attack Flair and it’s Crowbar and David to make it 3-1. David puts on the Figure Four but here’s Nash, allowing Flair to small package Daffney for the pin. Another day, another ridiculous win where a no contest would have made sense.

Nash cleans house but Ric collapses on the ramp. From what I can find, including in Flair’s book, this was a legit inner ear issue and not scripted.

The New Blood gets on their bus but they don’t have the keys. The Millionaire’s Club appears and pushes the bus over onto its side. This brings on the Goldberg truck to charge at the bus as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t explain to you how much easier this show was to sit through without Russo showing up all over it. The amount of time he gets on TV every week is one of the major problems WCW has been having lately because it’s complete overkill. Bischoff is around a lot too but it’s nowhere near as annoying with him, probably due to his voice not being so horrible. This show was a nice break from those two as you don’t need them in every segment to make something work. It’s still not good or anything due to the horrible way of running a show, but this was a lot less of a chore to get through than your common Nitro.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: May 10, 2000
Location: Prairie Capital Convention Center, Springfield, Illinois
Attendance: 4,129
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

Believe it or not, WCW had a good show earlier in the week to lead into this one. Above all else they slowed things down a bit and are finally acting like something resembling a wrestling company. We’re coming up on Great American Bash and it’s not really clear what the main event is going to be. Ric Flair was scheduled to be challenging Jeff Jarrett for the World Title but that might have been changed to Ric vs. his son David instead. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Crowbar vs. Chris Candido

No Russo and Bischoff to start? I could get used to this. I’m sure I won’t need to but I could do it. Candido is defending and talks about how awesome Tammy is before we get going. They start fighting right at the bell and Crowbar tries something resembling a headscissors. Candido pops back up and grabs a DDT for two. It doesn’t have a ton of effect as Crowbar has a thick skull so he pops up with a Death Valley Driver and a slingshot legdrop for two of his own.

Tammy offers a distraction but Candido gets thrown to the floor anyway for a dive from Crowbar. Back in and Candido suplexes him over the top and onto the ramp as this is more wrestling than you usually get on these shows. Like I said, they’re toning it down a bit lately and things are working a lot better. Back in and Crowbar gets crotched on top but Daffney breaks up the top rope headbutt. The Frankenscreamer triggers a catfight but Candido hits Crowbar low and the headbutt retains the title.

Rating: C+. More unnecessary shenanigans messing up what was a good match to start the show. Crowbar is an underrated guy and it’s nice to see him getting to do something other than the hardcore nonsense that he was best known for. Candido continues to be so smooth in the ring but it’s a shame that they’re trying to put so much focus on Tammy when she’s miles beyond the Sunny years.

Terry Funk won’t give Bischoff the Hardcore Title so it’s time for some heat. Why is Terry Funk being Hardcore Champion one of the top stories in this company? This is typical WCW. Yeah Funk is hardcore and yeah he’s a legend, but this is a story that could be used to make someone into a big deal. How about Crowbar? Let him have the title and make him into a big deal. No instead we need someone who was World Champion over twenty years ago for a nostalgia run that no one outside of Texas was really dying to see. I know Funk is awesome, but he doesn’t need this.

David Flair, Crowbar, Daffney and Vince Russo were in New York. Daffney is told to go do something while the three of them see a movie. The implication is that it’s adult in nature, which raises several questions about Russo in general as it was his idea.

Hardcore Title: Harlem Heat vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending though I think Big T.’s gut weighs more than Terry on its own. Terry comes out carrying chickens because we’re still referencing that stupid Dustin Rhodes story. Thankfully they don’t spend too long selling the chickens and some double teaming, including a snazzy run down the ramp and diving clothesline from T., puts Funk in trouble. Cash’s involvement doesn’t help much and T. hits Stevie with a trashcan lid by mistake. We finally get the Harlem Heat collapse, allowing Terry to hit Cash with a chair to retain. Does it matter that Cash wasn’t officially in the match?

Rating: D. Well at least we got rid of Harlem Heat and on top of that we get to add another win for Funk. They kept this one short and limited it to some basic weapons shots which is probably best all around. The Hardcore Title idea was long past its expiration date in both companies at this point and I’m hoping they tone this thing down soon.

Tenay is interviewing Vampiro and asks him why he’s in character. Oh for the love of all things good and made of Gordon Solie’s tricep meat. Vampiro talks about his love of music inspiring him to wear makeup and get tattoos while Sting is treated like a king. He has “Steve’s” vulture (when did he take that?) and brings up Ozzy Osborne biting the head off a dove. Cue Sting to hit Vampiro with the bird’s cage (“For your first cage match!”) and call him Ian, which makes Vampiro laugh.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Lash Leroux

I love alliteration. Before the match, Lash says he wants to be known as Corporal Cajun. Hennig comes out for commentary which will likely not explain his actions on Monday. A rollup gets two for Cajun but he gets slammed face first out of the corner to put him down. Stasiak gets two off a tilt-a-whirl powerbomb and they head outside with Cajun being rammed into various objects.

Shawn gets two off a top rope clothesline and you can feel the lack of charisma from him. Stasiak is fine with the technical stuff but he has no presence and is really just a guy in good shape doing moves. Even Cajun, who was really nothing beyond average, has far better ring presence and charisma than Stasiak. Shawn is totally adequate in the ring but he’s nothing more than that. Anyway Cajun comes back with a missile dropkick and they fall out to the floor again. This time Hennig drops Cajun on the announcers’ table though, setting up Stasiak’s PerfectPlex for the pin.

Rating: D+. The action was a bit better here and I guess they’re going with “if you can’t beat him, help him win matches against wrestlers he should have no trouble beating himself” for Hennig. I know Stasiak isn’t the most interesting guy in the world but at least they’re putting a young guy over a veteran. Hennig is over for the rest of his career so a single loss isn’t going to hurt him. Thankfully he’s one of the guys smart enough to realize this and put Stasiak over.

The rest of the Misfits chase Hennig off.

Russo makes Liz vs. Rhonda Singh tonight and if Liz wins she gets to be with Luger. These segments are just ways for Russo to be around the woman he had a big crush on back in the day aren’t they?

Back in New York, because we need two Russo sections, Vince messes with Daffney thinking a replica Statue of Liberty is the real one.

Rhonda Sing vs. Elizabeth

The fat jokes start during the entrances. Liz hides in the corner to start and Sing crushes her with a splash. Luger comes in to break up another splash, allowing Liz to kick Sing in the chest. Luger Racks Sing…..and that’s a submission. Tony: “He is the strongest man in the world!” Oh screw you Schiavone and Russo/Bischoff for feeding him that line.

Post match Chuck Palumbo comes out with a ball bat (that’s WAY too common a weapon) to knock out Luger and kidnap Liz again.

This match was embarrassing. They brought these two out here so Russo could make fat jokes about Sing and drool over Liz in wrestling gear (a black t-shirt and camouflage skirt) while getting some of his precious violence against women in there. As usual, it’s all about Russo having the mentality of a 12 year old at 39 years old. The fat jokes aren’t funny and these segments get more and more disgusting every time.

Here are Russo/Daffney/David because we haven’t seen enough of them tonight. Russo asks for a moment of silence for Ric Flair. Oh please like Russo could ever let that mouth of his have a rest. Ric walked out of wrestling on Monday night after Russo broke him. What people don’t know is how horrible of a father Ric has been for the last twenty one years. David whines about his dad never being there for him on the first day of school and when he went to the prom. He wanted his dad at the prom? I mean, I know Ric has been in drag before but this is ridiculous.

David isn’t done yet as he calls out Uncle Arn for a talk. Anderson comes out and asks if “I’m mad” is really the best excuse David can come up with. Russo is just trying to control David to get to Ric and David is letting it happen. Arn teamed with Ric for fifteen years and was compared to him every day. Ric was so upset over having to miss big days in his son’s life but he would be out there wrestling with 105 degree fevers because the people like you and you and you paid to see him. All David has ever had to worry about was what college he was going to and picking out what car his dad would buy him the day he graduates.

Russo chimes in (oh please. Grace us with your wisdom) and makes Arn vs. David for tonight. Arn doesn’t seem worried. “I might not be the Enforcer anymore but David isn’t the Nature Boy. Let’s do it.” As usual, Anderson is one of the greatest talkers of all time and sums up the whole story in as simple of a manner as anyone ever could with the perfect emotion.

Bischoff and company are talking to Chuck Palumbo.

Hogan arrives. I bet he isn’t even fined for being so late.

Bischoff gives Funk one more Hardcore Title match tonight. This is airing two days after the WWF did the exact same story with Chris Jericho and the Intercontinental Title.

Hardcore Title: Chuck Palumbo vs. Terry Funk

Time for Funk to beat another rookie they’re trying to build up. Palumbo is challenging and of course does Luger’s entrance. Chuck starts fast and hits Funk in the head with a chair. It’s already table time and Funk goes through the wood in the corner. Since Funk’s character is that he’s indestructible, he pops right back up and takes it to the floor for some brawling. Well at least they’re doing something they should do in a hardcore match.

It goes into the crowd and then into the back with Funk taking over. Some trashcans to the head don’t do much good for either guy so Chuck tries to slam him onto a spinning fan and therefore kill him. This brings in Luger who throws Palumbo up against a dumpster, giving Funk the pin to retain. That would be Palumbo’s debut as anyone important and he’s 0-1.

Rating: D+. So not only are they blatantly ripping off WWF’s idea but they’re also having Funk beat three guys in one night, including Palumbo who could go somewhere for them. This could have been a backstage segment and accomplished the same thing, but then we might not have gotten Bischoff on screen again.

The security beats up Luger post match and Palumbo slams him into a door. Funk has wondered off somewhere, probably trying to find a John Wayne movie.

Kevin Nash arrives, but the more interesting thing is Norman Smiley and Ralphus holding up a “Will Wrestle For Food” sign. Got an act the fans are getting interested in? Well make sure they don’t get to go in the ring!

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

If Horace loses, he’s fired. Hulk is also banned from ringside but Bischoff and the Filthy Animals are here with Kidman. Horace powers him around to start and hits a quick Rock Bottom. Kidman gets up and hits Charles Robinson but Bischoff makes it No DQ. That allows Horace to hit Kidman with a chair but a Bischoff distraction lets Kidman score with a dropkick. Bischoff makes it falls count anywhere and I’m having flashbacks to Over the Edge 1998.

Horace boots Kidman in the face so let’s make it a handicap match, even though it could have been already given that it’s No DQ. The Animals come in and beat the heck out of Horace with Kidman adding a Macho Man (you remember him. The guy that came back last week like it was a big deal and will never be seen again with no explanation) elbow. The Animals go to the floor but Horace gets up and plants Kidman with a Death Valley Driver for the pin. Not so fast of course because it’s now a Texas Death Match so Kidman has a ten count to get up.

Kidman gets up at nine and Bischoff hits Horace in the back with a chair and makes it an I Quit match. Eric is feeling nice though and offers Horace a spot on the team, earning him some spit in his eye. This brings in the Animals for a dog pile pin on Horace to end this No DQ, falls count anywhere, handicap, Texas death, I quit match which Kidman won via a pinfall.

Rating: F. For Foley, who did this way better. That’s the major difference. When Russo did this for Austin vs. Foley, not only was it a 20+ minute match, but they were capable of having a great match no matter what the rules were. This was Kidman vs. Horace in a match that didn’t even last six and a half minutes. Russo of course didn’t get the difference.

After the match, Hulk comes in to destroy everyone, including no selling Bischoff’s chair shot. He chases Bischoff to the back until Nash comes out to take care of the Filthy Animals. This brings out Russo to list off some of Nash’s stupid gimmicks over the years and there’s a blood bath for Big Kev.

Post break, Russo and Bischoff get in a limo but Hogan and Nash show up to destroy the car with ball bats.

Arn Anderson vs. David Flair

This is going to be interesting. Anderson gets behind David with ease and shoves him into the corner. A takedown puts Flair down even more easily so David tries to cheat with choking and punches. This goes as well as a scrawny kid punching Arn Anderson is going to go so David rakes the eyes. Crowbar tries to run in and eats a great spinebuster. Now it’s Daffney coming in and hitting Arn low, allowing David to bust another Statue of Liberty (again: the real money in wrestling is mass producing breakaway weapons) over Arn’s head. The referee gets tossed and the match is thrown out.

The bloody Arn is put in the Figure Four as Crowbar counts a pin.

Now it’s off to New York where David, Crowbar and Daffney are in a toy store. Is there a point coming to these segments anytime soon?

Here’s Rick Steiner with something to say. After a clip of him turning on his brother on Monday (it’s still not clear if Scott is a face or a heel), Rick says that Goldberg is old news. He brings out the man who might not be the prettiest in the world but he can knock Goldberg out with one punch. Tank comes out with the Goldberg parody entrance, complete with Russo and Bischoff security and sparklers. So he’s kind of parodying Gillberg? Rick talks about attacking Scott last night (HIRE AN EDITOR ALREADY! OR GIVE THE WRESTLERS A CALENDAR!) because Scott turned on him two years ago to join the NWO.

Tank says he’s going to run Goldberg over but here’s Kronik to interrupt for some reason. The brawl is on and here are Bagwell and Douglas to try to get their title belts back. Scott Steiner runs out to go after Rick but Rick bails, leaving Scott and Kronik to beat up security. We cut to the back to see the Goldberg truck crushing Tank and Rick’s car. Didn’t he do that to Sid’s car over and over? Maybe these people should start coming in cabs.

David proposes to Daffney. Sure why not.

Sting vs. Mike Awesome

Ambulance match and Awesome is now billed as the Career Killer. Never let it be said that WCW isn’t as classy as they could be. Mike takes over to start and hits a running splash in the corner but stops to get a table. Heenan is trying to put Awesome over as an unstoppable monster but it’s kind of hard to make it work when one of the first images of him in the company was losing to Scott Steiner in his second match.

The table winds up on the ramp and but Sting backdrops a charging Awesome through it to take over. They fight over to and then on top of the ambulance. Awesome can’t powerbomb him onto the roof so Sting hooks the Death Drop to knock Mike out on top. Cue Vampiro to jump Sting and throw him inside to give the unconscious Awesome the win.

Rating: D-. I don’t know. I don’t know if this was any good because how much can you tell about a gimmick match when the majority of it is over in three minutes and the last bit is Sting getting down and then attacked by someone interfering? There was no difference between this and a regular match with Vampiro coming in to lay Sting out to give Awesome the pin. That alone tells me that there’s no need for a gimmick attached, but Russo never understood that concept.

Overall Rating: D. And it’s right back where it was a week ago. This was another big mess with WAY too much going on and a bunch of ideas that are thrown out there with no build and no reason to care about almost anything. Above all else there is WAY too much Russo as he’s involved with Hogan, Nash, Luger and Flair among others. Not even Vince McMahon on his best day can be that spread out and expect it to work long term. Bad show here, but that’s going to be the norm due to how stupid so much of the writing really is.

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Thunder
Date: May 3, 2000
Location: Mid-South Coliseum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,979
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Slamboree and David Arquette is still World Champion. They’ve done a horrible job of setting up the triple cage match as the gimmick has barely been mentioned outside of a video on it early in the buildup. Instead it’s all about David Arquette, who wouldn’t prove to be the strongest draw. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The Millionaire’s Club and others (including Hugh Morrus) are outside waiting on the New Blood. Another car comes up and the low level New Blood members get jumped.

After a Slamboree ad, Russo and Bischoff yell at the rest of the team for not protecting them. So…..this is going to be one of those shows about the two of them.

Here’s the New Blood for a chat. Oh yeah it’s a one note show. Russo immediately calls out the Millionaire’s Club and gets his wish, plus pretty much every other face on the roster. Tonight he wants the Club destroyed so he’s going to throw their names in a hat and let each member of the New Blood pull one out. Well it’s official: the booking is now pulling names out of a hat.

As for tonight, it’s New York Rules: no referees or referees whatsoever. It’s Russo’s dream show: no wrestling and just all out carnage. It’s like he doesn’t have to do anything at all! Flair loves the idea and promises to take it to Russo tonight. A brawl ensues with Russo and Bischoff running off with Liz. Wait wasn’t she freed on Monday?

Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Kanyon

Before the match, Kimberly grabs a mic and says that Bischoff has shown her the light: Page is a bar bouncing bum from nowheresville and he’s just a wrestling mark. Cue Kanyon to start the brawl in the aisle as the announcers explain that you count your own pins here. Jeff takes over by dropping Kanyon across the barricade and kneeing him in the face. Back in and Jarrett walks into a Russian legsweep, followed by a top rope Fameasser.

They head back outside with Jarrett sending him into the steps and over the barricade. A chair shot to the back staggers Kanyon but he grabs a neckbreaker back inside. Cue DDP’s music and what felt like some clipping. Like, his music hit and then he was just in the ring almost instantly. A Diamond Cutter to Jarrett lets Kanyon count his pin.

Rating: D. From what I can find online, the reason for the clipping was due to Page hitting Kimberly with a guitar when she tried to interfere, which also explains why he came out when Kanyon was in control. As for the match, it was pretty much the same thing WCW has been doing for weeks now because referees haven’t meant a thing for a long time. They just brawled for a little while and then had interference as always. It’s pretty telling that it doesn’t seem any different when the rules are thrown out. How screwy has this place been if chaos feels like the norm?

Wall picks out his name.

The Wall vs. Total Package

Tables match because of course it is. Russo comes out with Liz because this show is all about him. It also allows Wall to get in some cheap shots but that’s just a nice effect. Cue Ric Flair to sit in on commentary and promise to keep Russo out of things. Luger gets kneed in the ribs and stopped with a backbreaker. That’s about it for Wall on offense though as Luger comes back with every single standard Luger move that you’ve ever seen.

They fight outside with Luger yelling at Russo, allowing Wall to get in a shot from behind. Wall and Luger head back inside as Russo hits Flair with the bat. Now how did he not see that coming? Luger Racks Wall but Russo hits Luger with the back as well, making Luger drop Wall through the table for the win. In the match with no rules but a tables stipulation which I guess you call yourself.

Rating: D. It’s a Russo night for sure. Here we have another tables match for Wall and he loses again because that’s all he does after weeks of being built up as an unstoppable monster. That’s the logical progression right? Unstoppable to loser in the span of a month? In Russo’s booking, that’s slow motion.

Russo asks Flair if he wants a match now. Flair gets inside and Russo hides behind Liz, only to get kicked low. Flair puts on the Figure Four but Douglas and Bagwell make the save, only to be beaten down by Kronik. This brings out Kidman, who drew Flair’s name.

Ric Flair vs. Kidman

This is joined in progress with Flair punching away in the corner. Tony: “If you’re keeping score at home and I know that you are.” You have to be at this point. Kidman gets in a few shots of his own and superplexes Flair. They fight near a table at ringside but save it for later. A slingshot legdrop keeps Flair in trouble but Kidman’s top rope splash completely misses.

Cue Konnan and Mysterio to beat down Flair but here’s Nash to probably beat them down and shave their heads with one arm tied behind his back and two broken legs. Kidman runs as Konnan gets Jackknifed, only to have Hogan knock Kidman off the stage. I’m assuming the match is thrown out.

Mike Awesome runs to the ring but gets double teamed by Nash and Hogan. That really shouldn’t surprise you as he might make them break a sweat and must be destroyed immediately. Nash Jackknifes Awesome and declares Awesome the winner due to outside interference.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Vampiro

Sting jumps Vampiro from behind, beats him up, covers him in blood and throws him in for the Diamond Cutter in less than a minute.

The New Blood is all shook up.

The Millionaire’s Club on the other hand is rather pleased.

Mike Awesome vs. Sting

Now normally this would be an interesting match. Here I’ll be shocked if it goes three minutes before someone interferes. Awesome sells the Jackknife on the way to the ring. Mike is right on Sting when he gets to the ring and slams him down, followed by a splash for two. Sting fights back and knocks Awesome to the floor, where the Misfits In Action jump the barricade and beat him up. Back in and the Stinger Splash and Scorpion make Awesome tap. What a way for a face to get a win.

Scott Steiner is the last New Blood guy to go tonight so Russo tells him to make it work. Steiner says he’s doing this for himself.

Scott Steiner vs. Hulk Hogan

Non-title. This should have headlined a pay per view. The announcers are shocked that Steiner is calling Hogan out, even though Hogan is the only Millionaire left. Steiner promises to go see Hogan’s wife after the show. Not even Steiner is that crazy. Steiner is on Hogan as he gets in the ring but Hulk comes back with right hands and a clothesline. They fight into the crowd where Hugh Morrus shows up to help Hogan. Back in the ring and Steiner calls in the troops but no one comes to help him and Scott walks for the countout.

Steiner swears a lot in the back and chokes Russo and Bischoff.

A new limo pulls up with FUNB on the license plate.

Kronik vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Wait is this a title match? Also there better not be a single tag in this whole thing. It’s a brawl to start with Douglas doing a reverse Hennig neck snap on Adams. Douglas gets caught in something like an F5 but Adams puts him down in more like a DDT instead of a full body plant. Clark side slams Bagwell in the ring but Buff comes back with the Blockbuster (Tony: “Whatever it is.”). Adams makes the save and it’s High Times for the pin. Tony: “Are they the champions? We might have to wait until Slamboree to find out!”

Rating: D. I’m going to assume Kronik didn’t win the titles here because that would be one of the more logical things WCW could do and logic has no place in WCW these days. Bagwell and Douglas are such lame champions that I often forget they even have the titles. This was one of the more coherent matches of the night so far and it really wasn’t very good.

Bischoff says he has an idea.

Here’s the New Blood in the ring, all armed with weapons. Bischoff gets right to the point and asks if the fans want guerrilla warfare. Cue Flair and the Millionaire’s Club so Bischoff asks if they want an 11 on 11 man war. Flair says the Club has nothing left to prove tonight but if Bischoff wants to make it a battle royal for the World Title shot at the Great American Bash, so be it.

Battle Royal

Ric Flair, Sting, Brian Adams, Bryan Clark, Horace Hogan, Diamond Dallas Page, Hugh Morrus, Kanyon, Total Package, Curt Hennig, Hulk Hogan, Shawn Stasiak, Jeff Jarrett, Vampiro, Mike Awesome, Scott Steiner, Buff Bagwell, Shane Douglas, Chris Candido, Kidman, The Wall, The Cat

It’s a huge brawl to start of course and there are no referees so I guess we’re going on the honor system. We’re nearly three minutes in now and here come Konnan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Disco Inferno, Johnny the Bull, Big Vito, the Harris Twins, Norman Smiley and all three members of Harlem Heat to get us up to thirty two people in the ring at once.

Horace is the first man eliminated and there are now referees on the floor because WCW can’t keep its rules straight for a whole night. Tank Abbott slowly comes to the ring as Flair is on the floor hitting Shane with a pipe. You would think they would eliminate a few people here but that’s too complicated around here. Kanyon gets backdropped out and there’s still no way to do any play by play with thirty people in the ring. Stasiak dumps Hennig and the ring is still so full that almost no one can move.

Kronik is eliminated at the same time off camera and we take a break. Back with the ring still crowded but a little bit better. I’m not even going to try to figure out who was eliminated during the break as most of these guys have no chance anyway. Some of the bigger names have weapons to make it even more complicated. Luger, Bagwell, Sting and Vampiro go out but keep brawling on the floor.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Lash Leroux came in at some point and eliminate Vito. Big T. and Van Hammer go out but Asya and Madusa come out to take their places. Mona comes in to join them as the people are starting to get tired. Cue Jim Duggan of all people as the women and a man we couldn’t see are put out. Duggan eliminates Bigelow and the Cat with the 2×4. Smiley and Tank are knocked out as well but Duggan eliminates himself due to high levels of stupid.

So we have Flair, Awesome, Stasiak, Candido, Kidman, Hogan, Jarrett, Douglas, Wall and Page in the ring. That’s not enough though as we cut to the FUNB limo and see a pair of boots get out. Naturally the camera just shows boots and we go to a wide shot to show the boots walking on the video screen. The boots make it to the entrance and it’s…..RANDY SAVAGE. He fires ax handles to the New Blood and puts out Stasiak, Wall and Awesome in about ten seconds.

Candido is tossed a few seconds later but Savage drops to the floor to go after him. I guess that’s an elimination. Page Cactus Clotheslines Jarrett to the floor to leave us with Hogan, Flair, Douglas and Kidman. They pair off and here’s Bret Hart with a chair to blast Hogan, knocking him through the ropes to the floor. So through the ropes counts? Then why are Flair and Douglas still in? Could it be because the script didn’t call for them to be eliminated earlier and rules can be twisted to suit Russo’s grand vision?

Bret walks out so it’s Flair and Douglas as Kidman is backdropped out. Flair puts Shane in the Figure Four but here’s Russo with the ball bat…..and he accidentally hits Douglas. I guess being the manliest man that ever lived doesn’t include hand eye coordination. Flair uses the bat to knock Shane out for the win and the title shot.

Rating: D. You know what this had me thinking of? The South Park episode where it wound up in a massive lawsuit with everyone vs. everyone. It’s total anarchy and you lose track of what’s going on. The match started with 22 people and that had nearly doubled with all the people coming in. How am I supposed to care about any of this or let it have any kind of an impact, especially with most of the match consisting of people not being able to move due to the ring being crowded? This is Russo’s deal: take away any form of storytelling and just throw them all out there. Such great writing. The big surprises helped but it was too late.

Post match Hogan gets on the steps to suplex Kidman through the announcers’ table but Bischoff hits the knee with a ball bat to knock Hogan through it instead. Bischoff counts a three and raises Kidman’s hand because that’s supposed to mean something. Yeah it’s symbolism or something but it’s still stupid.

We’re STILL not done though as Jarrett and Page climb up the scaffold. The camera cuts to Savage helping Hogan up and they do the handshake. We cut back to Page, who apparently was knocked off the scaffold and through a table. Tony, in a totally calm and rational voice: “Page has been knocked off the scaffolding. We’ll see what this means at Slamboree.” Just like that. No emotion, no worry, nothing.

The worst part is that wasn’t even the original planned ending. From what I’ve found, Arquette was supposed to hit Jarrett with the guitar and knock him through the stage. However, Asya accidentally stepped through the gimmicked part of the stage and Arquette fell in later, leaving Page to take an unscripted bump through a table. Only in WCW. I mean ONLY in WCW. Who else could screw up something that badly?

Overall Rating: F+. It’s another night of non-wrestling with a bunch of short matches that they drew out of a hat. If that’s not enough, the last half hour of the show was just taking almost the entire roster and throwing them into one match with no build. As I’ve said, Russo is the laziest writer I’ve ever seen as his stories revolve around the idea that everything is all over the place with no structure or build to anything. This didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show and felt like something you put on when you forgot you had a show to put on. Bad wrestling, bad writing, bad execution, bad everything this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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