Impact Wrestling – October 28, 2015: Uncomfortably Numb

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 28, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re still in the early part of the World Title Series as we hit week #4. As much as I like the presentation as they treat this like a real sporting event, the lack of stories are making this hard for me to get into. There’s no reason for these people to be fighting other than they have some similar characteristics or backgrounds and they’ve been scheduled against each other. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s matches and see a preview of tonight’s matches.

The announcers do the same things the opening video did.

Ethan Carter III brags about kicking out of Lashley’s spear and promises to win the title.

Group Tag Team Specialists: Matt Hardy vs. Robbie E.

Feeling out process to start with Matt taking him into the corner for some right hands. Pope feels the need to explain why wins are important in this series and Josh talks about Robbie E. challenging Rob Gronkowski in a stupid idea that TNA never learns from. A corner clothesline puts Robbie on the floor but he comes back with a flip dive off the apron to put Matt in trouble.

Now Pope compares Robbie to Leif Cassady and Josh tries to convince me that Robbie might be World Champion, which continues to show the problem with this entire concept. Back in and the Side Effect from Matt and a middle rope clothesline from Robbie get two each but Matt picks it up with a big sitout powerbomb. The Twist of Fate is countered into the Boom Drop for a close two and that’s it for Robbie’s chance. Another Side Effect and another Twist of Fate give Matt the pin at 6:40.

Rating: C+. The match was good but totally uninteresting for a point that I’ve already beaten into the ground despite having probably another two months of qualifying matches before we get to the actual tournament. Robbie is a nice midcard guy but he’s on a long list of people who have no reason to be involved in a World Title competition.

Group Tag Team Specialists

Matt Hardy – 6 points (1 match remaining)

Robbie E. – 3 points (1 match remaining

Edwards – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Richards – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Gail promises to fight Awesome Kong hard again tonight. Can they just show us the Bound For Glory match so I can save some time?

Matt says Robbie is tough and he was impressed.

Robbie says he doesn’t feel like a loser because he earned some respect.

Back to Matt when Grado comes up to ask for a picture because he’s a fan. Is this their best version of comedy these days?

Video on Drew Galloway.

Group UK: Grado vs. Drew Galloway

Speaking of wastes of time. The bell doesn’t even ring for this match and Grado starts with a schoolboy trip for two. Drew throws him to the mat and starts chopping in the corner. Grado’s comedy seems to get on Drew’s nerves so he chops away and throws Grado again with a belly to belly for two.

Drew slaps him in the face and Grado comes back with some right hands and an elbow to the head. A Rock Bottom and Cannonball in the corner (called a flippy move by Pope) have Drew in trouble. Grado puts him in the Tree of Woe but Galloway sits up and grabs a German suplex, followed by the running boot (the Claymore according to Josh) for the pin at 4:39.

Rating: D+. Fine enough for a match with the most obvious ending in the whole competition so far. It would be nice if they would just put Spud and Galloway in the next round already because there’s almost no chance of anyone else moving forward. Then again that can’t be done because they’ve taped all this in advance and that’s what we’re getting like it or not. I’m sure I’m too stupid to understand why I want to watch a bunch of average and uninteresting matches though.

Group UK

Drew Galloway – 6 points (1 match remaining)

Rockstar Spud – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Bram – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Grado – 0 points (1 match remaining)

Clip of Gail Kim beating Awesome Kong at some show in the past that isn’t important enough to name.

We look back at the final destruction of the Revolution with Mahabali Shera pinning James Storm. Shera dances you know. They’re talking about it on Twitter.

Group Wild Card: Aiden O’Shea vs. Crazzy Steve

Oh come on. I know I probably complain about this Series too much but I’m supposed to want to watch this? They circle each other for about a minute to start until O’Shea slugs him down. O’Shea shoves him into the corner and takes a boxing stance as Steve is down on the mat. They head outside with Aiden punching him in the jaw but then punches the steps and post by mistake. Back in and Steve bites his hand, only to have Aiden take his head off with a clothesline for the pin at 4:47.

Rating: D. Well at least it was short. O’Shea is fine for a brawler and it’s a good idea to have him win here but this was such a waste of time. They couldn’t air something old and just give this a thirty second highlight package? This is the perfect example of a match that is making the Series feel like it’s taking forever to get through and a big reason why people aren’t very interested.

Group Wild Card

Mahabali Shera – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Kenny King – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Aiden O’Shea – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Crazzy Steve – 0 points (1 match remaining)

Abyss says the only thing that soothes him is gold because he’s a monster. He’ll win and you can take that to the bank.

Package on Storm vs. Abyss.

More clips of an unknown Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong match.

Grado is confused after getting kicked in the head and doesn’t remember anything since the end of the match.

The announcers recap Group UK.

Group TNA Originals: Abyss vs. James Storm

Before the match, Storm suggests Abyss turn around and leave so Storm can win by countout. Abyss says he’s a monster and punches Storm in the face to get things going. A chokeslam doesn’t work but Storm charges into a side slam. Back from an early break with Storm diving off the steps and having to escape a chokeslam attempt. Storm loads a chair into the corner but Abyss sends him face first into it instead.

Hebner lets it go and Abyss drops a splash for two. It’s Janice time but it gets stuck in the turnbuckle like it does every single time, setting up Closing Time and a cowbell to the head for two. Storm goes up top and counters a superplex attempt into a powerbomb, followed by a top rope elbow for another near fall. Back up and Abyss no sells the Last Call and chokeslams Storm for two. With nothing else working, Storm spits beer into Abyss’ face and hits two more Last Calls for the pin at 11:00.

Rating: C-. Way too many weapons in here and I have no idea why they would let Abyss no sell Storm’s finisher. The match wasn’t the worst in the world but more than that it was nice to see a match where I didn’t know who was going to win. That’s been the big problem with tonight’s show: I either didn’t care who won or I could figure it out as soon as the names were announced. Good enough match here, despite how ridiculous they were with the weapons here.

Group TNA Originals

Bobby Roode – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Abyss – 3 points (1 match remaining)

James Storm – 3 points (1 match remaining

Eric Young – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Shera loves the World Title Series and thinks this is a cool opportunity to his family. He respects everyone else in the group and will do his talking in the ring. The upcoming India tour is a dream come true for him and he wants to return home with the World Title.

We preview next week with Shera vs. King, Brooke vs. Rayne and an interview with Jeff Hardy. A quick preview of the interview focuses on how happy he was to see Matt as World Champion.

Bobby Roode vs. Eric Young next week in another match we’ve seen way too many times.

Group X-Division: Tigre Uno vs. DJZ

Tigre takes him down by the arm to start as the announcers bicker over who is supposed to call play by play. DJZ sends the champ (no belt in sight here) into the corner for a running dropkick. We hit the chinlock on Tigre for a bit until he pops up and dropkicks DJZ outside. A corkscrew plancha connects for the champ (Josh: “Carpet defense!”) and they trade hurricanranas back inside. Tigre’s split legged corkscrew moonsault misses and DJZ’s tornado DDT is good for the pin at 6:43.

Rating: C. Fun enough match and we have yet ANOTHER group where three people have won a match each. Josh suggested that this might lead to an X-Division Title match, even though Tigre isn’t going to be defending the thing until around Christmas. You would think that would mean vacating the title due to a lack of defenses but that’s not the case around here.

Group X-Division

Tigre Uno – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Manik – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

DJZ – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Mandrews – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Clips from Kim vs. Kong at Bound For Glory 2015.

Group Knockouts: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong

In case you haven’t seen this one enough yet. Gail goes after the arm to start but gets sent out to the floor. Pope thinks these two are like twins. Because they know each other so well you see. A big clothesline sends Gail outside again and we take a break. Back with Gail fighting out of a camel clutch and scoring with a jawbreaker before kicking away at the legs.

Gail tries a Black Widow but opts to dropkick Kong to the floor and dive off the apron with a flying forearm. Back in and Gail’s cross body is countered into a World’s Strongest Slam for two we as have under five minutes to go (meaning their clock is way off this week). The chokeslam is countered into a DDT and a high cross body gets two for Gail. Kong loads up a powerbomb but gets caught in a hurricanrana to give Kim the pin at 13:58.

Rating: C. Well they certainly had another match. This is considered one of the greatest rivalries in TNA history and it’s really just ok. Yeah they had some awesome matches about nine years ago but I haven’t seen them do anything above average in years now. This was a decent enough match but nothing that makes me want to see them fight again.

Group Knockouts

Brooke – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Gail Kim – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Awesome Kong – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Madison Rayne – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Overall Rating: D. The show is over and I’m totally numb. I don’t have any feelings about it and I really didn’t for the two hours the show was on the air. The wrestling was adequate for the most part and there were times where I didn’t know who was going to win, but I didn’t care. These shows (and we’re just getting started with them) are offering no reason for me to care and it’s getting worse every week. It’s really hard to drive a show on pure wrestling and this is the proof of why.

For two hours tonight, I sat here listening to Josh and Pope do the same analysis of what it means for someone to be two matches in with no points or how confident they must be to have six points and only one match to go. The groups are the exact same idea with different names included and if you’ve watched TNA for more than five minutes you can pretty much pick the field of sixteen from here. I’m sure the TNA super fans will have some excuse for why the show bombed like the World Series, the Republican debate etc., because there’s ALWAYS something else on that interferes with TNA.

Maybe next week we can cancel all other TV and air Impact on every channel. Then people can be collectively bored by this concept with no individual stories and no real reason to watch until around Christmas because this company spent years putting on boring TV and keep getting canceled but we’re supposed to treat them like some kind of plucky victim that never did anything wrong. This is boring television and the audience tuning out is proving it, no matter what excuses TNA’s diehard fans have.

Results

Matt Hardy b. Robbie E. – Twist of Fate

Drew Galloway b. Grado – Claymore

Aiden O’Shea b. Crazzy Steve – Clothesline

James Storm b. Abyss – Last Call

DJZ b. Tigre Uno – Tornado DDT

Gail Kim b. Awesome Kong – Hurricanrana

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling – October 21, 2015: Why We’re Here

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 21, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s week three of the World Title Series and that’s really all there is to say. These matches don’t have stories and it’s too early to make many predictions. Tonight we’ll probably start seeing some of the second matches for some of the people, but it’s going to be a long time before any of the eight groups start to wrap up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the events that set up the Series (which seems like a weekly thing) and last week’s results.

The announcers recap things up to this point and preview tonight’s matches.

Group Champions predict who will go on to the next round. We saw some of this last week so they’re already repeating footage. Carter thinks his clone will advance along with him.

Group Champions: Austin Aries vs. Mr. Anderson

Feeling out process to start as Josh says that tonight’s main event is Lashley vs. Anderson. Now I’m pretty sure he meant Ethan Carter III but I’m just an internet nerd who pays attention to the rules so I’m sure that it’s just Ethan’s aforementioned clone disguised as Anderson and not Josh not being able to read the sheet in front of him properly. We go split screen to hear more from Aries as he misses a missile dropkick back in the ring.

Anderson goes after the arm with some punches to the shoulder and a quickly broken armbar. Aries comes right back with a slingshot elbow (Pope: “Shades of Austin Starr.”) and the announcers discuss Ethan not knowing what independents are. A double cross body puts both guys down and we take a break. Back with Aries flipping over Anderson’s back as we hit five minutes left.

Aries sends him to the floor for a suicide dive but Anderson comes back with the Regal Roll for two. Anderson tries another from the middle rope but gets slammed down, setting up the 450 for an even closer near fall. We see Thea getting nervous on the floor. This changes nothing whatsoever but she is in fact there. How very TNA of her.

A spinwheel kick of all things gets a near fall for Anderson and now the middle rope Regal Roll gets the same thing with less than two minutes to go. They fight over finishers for a bit until Aries connects with the discus forearm. The running dropkick staggers Anderson on the top and a super brainbuster kills Anderson dead for the pin at 14:02, eliminating Anderson from the competition.

Rating: C+. This took time to get going but picked way up by the end. That super brainbuster looked great and while Aries has almost no chance of advancing to the next round, at least we’re getting some good matches. It’s good to see someone eliminated early, but due to the format we still have to sit through his mostly meaningless matches due to the nature of the format. That’s going to get old fast.

Group Champions

Austin Aries – 4 points (1 match remaining)

Lashley – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Ethan Carter III – 1 point (2 matches remaining)

Mr. Anderson – 0 points (1 match remaining)

We’ll see the Bound For Glory main event later. You knew this was coming sooner or later.

Video on the X-Division Title match at Bound For Glory.

Group X-Division: Tigre Uno vs. Mandrews

Tigre doesn’t have the X-Division Title with him. Mandrews rides a skateboard to the ring while wearing his hat backwards. So he’s a 90s kind of guy. Tigre quickly takes him down to start but they go to a standoff with Mandrews having to explain a fist bump to Uno. Mandrews takes him down and surfs on the champ’s back, followed by a standing moonsault for no cover. Josh talks about how someone in the X-Division basically has no chance to ever be World Champion aside from Option C. Thanks for making it clear that the match I’m watching has almost no chance of mattering.

Tigre kicks him to the floor and scores with a baseball slide as Josh breaks down the math on Group Champions while getting in the phrase “playing spoiler” as many times as he can. Back in and Mandrews knocks him to the floor for a flip dive of his own but instead of following up he takes a lap around the ring high fiving fans. Back in Mandrews misses a shooting star and gets German suplexed into the corner. A quick corkscrew splash out of the corner (similar to Starship Pain) gives Tigre the pin at 6:42.

Rating: C. This was one of the better X-Division matches in a while as they actually had a bit more time than usual. Tigre is clearly a few steps ahead of everyone else in the division and is the best guy they’ve had there in a long time, but as Josh said: he has no chance of ever moving up the card and that’s almost all there is to it.

Group X-Division

Tigre Uno – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

DJZ – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Manik – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Mandrews – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Austin Aries says Thea’s smile is all the extra motivation he needs.

Pope says you don’t want a countout because you want a win. So do countout wins not get you three points? That’s never been made clear.

Here’s the main event from Bound For Glory 2015.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway

Carter is defending and Jeff Hardy, Carter’s former employee, is guest referee. As usual, JB says Drew is standing when he’s kneeling. Tyrus tries to cheat thirty seconds in and gets ejected. Matt and Drew take turns punching Ethan in the corner and a clothesline puts the champ on the floor. Drew goes after Matt with some forearms to the back and a big headbutt as Ethan comes back in.

Carter knocks Matt out to the floor and stops to yell at Jeff for no apparent reason. A cravate slows Drew down but they trade cross bodies to drop both guys. Everyone gets back in but Matt and Ethan are quickly on the floor, allowing Drew to hit a big flip dive and take Hardy out. It’s table time but Drew picks Ethan up and hits a White Noise onto the steps for a big thud. Matt makes the save and puts Drew on top of Ethan (there’s no count for no apparent reason) for a double stack moonsault.

Ethan runs Jeff over by mistake and walks into the Side Effect but there’s no one to count. Carter is up first and puts Drew on the table at ringside, only to suplex Matt from the apron through Galloway in a big crash. Back in and a TKO gets two on Matt but Drew comes back in and tries to pull Matt off the top. Hardy headbutts him into the Tree of Woe but Ethan comes of to make it a superplex, only to have Drew do a sit up to add a German superplex in an impressive spot.

Matt and Drew slug it out so Ethan gives them both the 1%er at the same time for two each. The fans aren’t even reacting to these near falls and Jeff has barely been a factor so far. Ethan realizes that Jeff needs to get involved so he shoves the referee and demands a DQ. It’s No DQ though so Ethan grabs a chair, only to have Jeff take it away. Ethan slaps him again so Jeff lays Carter out with a Twisting Stunner. Drew adds a running boot and Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Drew for the pin and the title at 20:01.

Rating: C-. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! They took the stupidest possible outcome of the three and actually went with it because TNA really is that stupid. Matt Hardy lost his two title shots, didn’t get the pin to get into this match, and then wins the title at 41 years old with help from his more popular brother when you have Drew at 30 and Ethan at 32 right there. Instead though, OLD GUYS RULE!

The Hardy Family celebrates while Ethan goes to the back to yell at Dixie.

Now, that last half hour? None of it matters because the title was vacated less than two days later so forget all this.

Ethan says he’s winning the title back for himself and he’s going to be lethal against Lashley tonight. It’s not over until he wins.

The announcers talk about Group Wild Card.

We get a thirty second clip of Jesse Godderz making Crimson tap out to the Adonis Lock. Yeah they’re so strapped for material that they’re airing old matches, but to be fair, it’s probably better than watching the whole thing.

Group Future Four

Jesse Godderz – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Micah – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Eli Drake – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Crimson – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Jesse gives us a top five list of reasons why he’s going to win the World Title Series with #1 being “look at me.”

Clips of Micah vs. Eli Drake going to a double countout for 1 point apiece.

Group Future Four

Jesse Godderz – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Micah – 1 point (2 matches remaining)

Eli Drake – 1 point (2 matches remaining)

Crimson – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

The hosts do their swipe right/swipe left game for a few names.

Group X-Division: Manik vs. DJZ

The announcers cover the mask being back by saying Manik wants better peripheral vision. Manik works on the arm to start but gets armdragged down a few times. A nice dropkick knocks Manik down again but the announcers would rather talk about Shane Helms (the greatest cruiserweight of all time according to Josh and Pope).

Manik cranks back on the arm again and stomps away before rolling some suplexes. Josh calls Pope referring to a suplex as a souffle the stupidest thing he’s ever heard in wrestling. I’d actually think that was calling your fans a bunch of internet nerds but what do I know. A quick backbreaker gets two for DJZ but he dives into two boots to the ribs. Manik misses a frog splash but comes right back with something like a GTS but with a kick instead of knee for the pin at 6:49.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to see here but that’s the case for so many X-Division matches these days. Both guys are fine in the ring, which is something I never thought I’d say about DJZ. Manik is a guy who could be something interesting if they would just let him be himself, but that might come too close to a personality in the division and that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

Group X-Division

Tigre Uno – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

Manik – 3 points (2 matches remaining)

DJZ – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Mandrews – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Clip of Carter vs. Lashley from over the summer.

Group Champions: Lashley vs. Ethan Carter III

Carter hides in the corner and then on the floor for the first two minutes. Lashley finally gets his hands on him and scores with some running shoulders to the ribs. A clothesline puts Carter on the floor and we take a break. Back with Lashley following Carter to the floor, only to get clubbed in the back and sent into the steps.

Carter dives into a spinebuster on the floor but Tyrus posts Lashley to keep his boss in it. They get back inside but Carter sends Lashley right back to the floor for a slam from Tyrus. We’re under five minutes to go as Carter puts on a camel clutch. That goes nowhere and they’re both down again. An eye rake gets Carter out of a torture rack so Lashley powerslams him down and grabs a rear naked choke. Tyrus helps out again for the save and it’s a Stinger Splash from Carter.

We’ve got two minutes to go as Lashley scores with a powerbomb, followed by the spear. Tyrus pulls Lashley to the floor though, giving Ethan time to kick out. This time Tyrus just gets in the ring but gets speared down, allowing Carter to grab a chair (just like he did over the summer). Lashley blocks it but gets kicked low, setting up the 1%er for the pin on Lashley at 15:40.

Rating: C+. Another nice match here to close out the show which is always a nice bonus. Carter winning makes sense and is likely letting him move on to the next round. Odds are Lashley beats Aries whenever they finally get around to that match, setting up the two winners for the group. Tyrus got a bit annoying here but that’s his job. Well that and being #1 contender for reasons I don’t want to understand.

Group Champions

Austin Aries – 4 points (1 match remaining)

Ethan Carter III – 4 point (1 match remaining)

Lashley – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Mr. Anderson – 0 points (1 match remaining)

Overall Rating: C. The show was again fine but again nothing I needed to see. The big lesson I’ve gotten from the first three weeks and just over 1/3 of the qualifying matches is that this really needed to be a field of just sixteen. There are so many people in it that are just there to fill in spots and you can tell who is most likely to advance out of each group pretty easily.

I’m glad they’re starting to just air clips of some of them though as it’s going to make this a lot easier to sit through. The Series has been far better than I was expecting, but it’s still not the most interesting thing in the world when this whole thing is a big qualifier for another tournament with no stories going on during the eight to ten weeks of the pool play. This show had some of the bigger names though and it definitely made things more entertaining, at least for a night.

Results

Austin Aries b. Mr. Anderson – Super brainbuster

Tigre Uno b. Mandrews – Corkscrew splash

Manik b. DJZ – Kick to the head

Ethan Carter III b. Lashley – 1%er

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Bound For Glory 2015: They Never Let Me Down

Bound For Glory 2015
Date: October 4, 2015
Location: Cabarrus Arena and Events Center, Concord, North Carolina
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s TNA’s biggest show of the year and they’ve had all of two weeks to set it up. Well save for the main event which was changed with two minutes to go on the final episode of Impact. It’s hard to guess what to expect here but it could range from a fun show to another disaster for the company on what could be their last pay per view ever. Let’s get to it.

It’s a basic opening video with all of the matches getting a quick recap and a voiceover saying they’re all bound for glory.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Manik vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett

Tigre Uno is defending and this is Ultimate X, meaning the title is hung from the structure above the ring and whoever pulls it down wins. It’s a big brawl to start as you can see the arena looking mostly dark, likely hiding a small crowd. Everyone is running all over the place with no flow or story to start. DJZ clotheslines Everett down but it’s Tigre sending the challengers to the floor, only to have Manik break up a dive.

DJZ comes back in and tries a dive of his own, which the camera misses. They saw him dive, but the crash is lost to the ages. Tigre and Everett’s dives are at least seen but Manik breaks up Everett’s climb attempt with some rolling suplexes. Manik and DJZ plant Tigre with a double facebuster but neither is able to get the belt down. Tigre comes back in with a reverse suplex into a Stunner on Everett, only to have Manik break up his attempt at the title.

Everett crushes the champ with a 630 for the big spot of the match. Not to be outdone, Tigre kicks DJZ to the floor and busts out a 450 from the top to the floor. Everett climbs on top of the ropes and walks across using the structure for balance but Tigre crawls over to kick him in the ribs for a big crash, allowing Tigre to retain at 9:42.

Rating: C+. It was fun and full of big spots but there’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Tigre winning is a good idea, but can we please get him a story? The only thing he’s had since he won the title was the joke with Donald Trump which was at least mildly entertaining as we got to hear something about him. Unfortunately, he’s never had anything in the ring to get people interested and it’s hurting things.

Post match here’s the debuting Gregory Helms to……raise Tigre’s arm. No attack or challenge or anything. One might think Helms vs. Uno could have been a good match for the title here but why have something interesting when you can have a gimmick instead?

The three people in the main event arrived earlier.

Here’s Ethan Carter III to complain about the main event being turned into a triple threat by the hands of his great Aunt Dixie. He rips on his opponents with Drew standing up for wrestling and Matt for already losing two title shots. Ethan has Bound for Glory in his blood but he’s beyond greatness. This was total and complete filler because they only booked seven matches on the biggest show of the year.

Bound For Gold Gauntlet Match

This is your standard gauntlet match, meaning a mini Royal Rumble but the final two will have a one on one match with the winner getting a future World Title shot. Mr. Anderson is in at #1 and his mic doesn’t drop. The guy has one aspect to his whole character and TNA managed to screw that up. Jesse Godderz is in at #2. They shake hands to start and Anderson scores with some armdrags. A gorilla press sends him into the corner though so Anderson offers another handshake.

Jesse catches the boot to the ribs but Anderson is waiting with a thumb to the eye. Eli Drake (minus the He-Man chest gear) is in at #3 and the heels double team Anderson. Mr. finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s Al Snow (an unannounced name) in at #4. Al does all of his usual stuff including the trapping headbutts on Godderz. Jesse clotheslines Eli but gets dropkicked by Anderson.

Snow and Anderson clean house but don’t eliminate anyone until Aiden O’Shea (formerly known as Jay Bradley) is in at #5. He’s billed as a thug and looks like as a Sheamus knockoff. O’Shea hammers away and it’s Robbie E. (with no entrance video) in at #6. No eliminations yet. Robbie and Al form an awkward alliance to clean house until Snow punches Robbie in the face. A shot from Head eliminates Drake and it’s Mahabali Shera in at #7. Shera cleans house but stops to dance. As in the whole match stops for a dance party.

O’Shea finally remembers that he’s a brawler and starts fighting again, only to get clotheslined out to the floor. Tyrus is in at #8 and house is cleaned again. Everyone tries to slow the monster down and it’s Chris Melendez in at #9. Melendez kicks a few people with the combat boot until Tyrus puts out Melendez and Snow with ease. Shera is out as well and it’s Tommy Dreamer, in yellow polka dot pants, is in at #10. We currently have Dreamer, Tyrus, Robbie, Anderson and Jesse Godderz.

Dreamer gets in a low blow and cross body to put Tyrus down but Jesse dropkicks him in the face. Abyss is in at #11 and chokeslams Robbie. We get the showdown of the giants but since they haven’t ripped off a WWE gag in a long time, Pope jumps off commentary to enter at #12. Pope looks at Abyss and Tyrus, turns around and eliminates himself. Well at least it was funny. Dreamer and Anderson load up superplexes but Abyss and Tyrus turn them into Towers of Doom in a nice spot. Totally scripted looking but nice.

Abyss and Tyrus do another big staredown and it’s Tyrus getting the elimination, only to eat a double DDT from Dreamer and Robbie. Jesse and Robbie fight to the apron with Godderz grabbing a headscissors for the elimination. Anderson Mic Checks Dreamer and throws him out so it’s Anderson vs. Godderz vs. Tyrus. Another Mic Check lets Anderson eliminate Jesse so it’s Anderson vs. Tyrus in a regular match won by pin or submission.

Anderson picks Tyrus up for the Regal roll for two as Josh mentions that the winner of this can challenge for ANY title they want. That’s a new rule for the match and Pope immediately asks why you would want to try for any other title. Anderson tries another slam but Tyrus grabs a quick slam and drops a splash for the pin at 24:30.

Rating: D. It wasn’t horrible but it was clear that they were just filling in as much time as they could. On top of that, I’m supposed to get hyped up (potentially since TNA changes rules with thirty seconds to go in the match) for Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman playing Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels? That’s the best they’ve got after all this time? I know Shera was stupid but at least he was a fresh name. Their solution is a 42 year old former dancing dinosaur? If that’s the best they can do, they’re in more trouble than anyone else is going to be able to save.

Post match Ethan comes out to say that he and Tyrus will be the next Tag Team Champions but Tyrus says he won this on his own. Therefore, he’s coming for the World Heavyweight Championship of the World.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee

The Wolves are defending after taking the belts back from Meyers and Lee, who won with a Feast or Fired briefcase. Meyers and Lee attack to start but the Wolves take over on Brian with their smooth tandem offense. Brian gets Eddie into the corner and the challengers take over again with some hard stomps and a hair pull. Lee, billed as an internet sensation, pulls Eddie back to the corner and it’s off to Brian for a chinlock.

Meyers starts grabbing the leg before it’s back to Lee for a chinlock of his own. Eddie gets out with a Stunner but Brian breaks up a tag attempt. The chinlockery hour continues as the fans are trying to get into this. Eddie finally breaks free and dives over for the hot tag to Davey.

Everything breaks down and Eddie fights Meyers to the floor, leaving Davey to hit a handspring kick to the face. A t-bone suplex sends Lee outside and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives in a nice spot. Back inside and Davey’s top rope double stomp gets two on Trevor with Meyers making the save. Lee’s German suplex gets a very close two on Eddie but it’s a hurricanrana to put Lee down, leaving the Wolves to hit something like Chasing the Dragon for the pin on Trevor at 14:03.

Rating: B. That’s probably the match of the night and I could live with that. The Wolves were never in any real jeopardy here but at least they got a good match here. Lee is definitely the class of the team as Meyers is just a guy in tights. The Wolves REALLY need competition at this point and it’s getting repetitive to watch them destroy everyone.

Drew Galloway says he’s in a No DQ match tonight and he’s willing to kill himself to be champion.

King of the Mountain Title: Bobby Roode vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, wearing a sweat band, is challenging after answering an open challenge on Wednesday. Feeling out process to start with Lashley countering Roode’s wristlock into a headlock. Lashley’s delayed vertical suplex gets two and he easily escapes the Roode Bomb. A German suplex puts Roode down and we hit the chinlock. They seem to have a lot of time to work with here.

Roode comes back with a Blockbuster for two before they trade spinebusters. A running elbow knocks Roode off the apron and he crashes shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and the shoulder acts up, allowing Lashley to score with a powerslam. The spear gets two and a quick Roode Bomb gets the same as we do the completely traditional trading of finishers.

Lashley powers out of the crossface and grabs a Kimura. That goes nowhere either so both guys hit the other’s finisher for two each. They’re just going through the main event tropes here and it’s still not interesting after seeing it for years in WWE. Lashley pops back up and tries another Kimura, only to get countered into another Roode Bomb to retain Roode’s title at 14:17.

Rating: C+. Good match but nowhere near as good as their stuff from the beginning of the year. To be fair though that’s likely due to having no reason to fight each other besides “hey neither of us have a match.” It felt like a WWE style main event match and that’s fine in theory, but doing it for a midcard title that has more issues remembering what it’s called than who is fighting for it holds them back a bit.

Matt Hardy talks about growing up here in North Carolina and says nothing would be sweeter than winning the title in Charlotte. He’ll have to settle for the suburbs but Matt has always been a second rate version of a main event star.

Billy Corgan comes out to show us highlights from Earl Hebner being inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame and a package on Earl’s career.

Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim

Kim is defending and these two have had a long rivalry over the years. Gail gets shoved down to start so she tries a headlock and gets thrown down again. You would think she would learn after the first time but wrestling rarely works that way. Kong nails a big clothesline as JB mentions that no one has had cell phone service in this building all day. Gail’s cross body gets two and the announcers start talking about her celebrity chef husband.

Kong hooks a camel clutch before switching over to a cross armbreaker. Gail rolls out and cranks on a front facelock. Back up and Gail tries something like a reverse Black Widow (as in Gail is upside down), only to have Kong Samoan drop her for two. This is technically fine but really not interesting stuff so far. Kong blocks Gail’s hurricanrana attempt and a middle rope splash gets two.

They head outside with Kong grabbing a chair but Gail’s husband Robert Irvine yells at her to break it up. As Hebner tells Irvine to sit down, Kong gives Gail a release Implant Buster onto the chair. The spinning back fist gets two back inside but Gail gets out of the middle rope Implant Buster with a kick to the head. More kicks set up Eat Defeat to retain Gail’s title at 10:05.

Rating: C+. Well sure why not. Gail can now head over to the other stories in the division and bore us against all of them for a change. This was their usual good match but I have no idea why Kong didn’t get the title back here as there’s really nothing left to see Gail do in the division and Kong hasn’t held the belt in years.

Jeff Hardy tells the creatures to mount up because nothing can save EC3.

Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle

This is a result of Young hurting Angle and Kurt coming back from injury to fight the crazy Eric. With no build, this is announced as a No DQ match. Young says he has no issue with crippling Kurt and taking away his livelihood but Kurt says this has been made No DQ, which the announcers already said. They head to the floor almost immediately with Angle in control, only to take it back in for a big belly to belly for two.

Young comes back with a piledriver and Angle rolls to the floor holding his head and neck. The match basically stops as medics come out to look at Angle. Kurt starts walking to the back but Young breaks it up and attacks the medics. Young throws Kurt back inside and hits him in the head with a chair. They head outside again and Angle grabs a German suplex to block a piledriver on the exposed concrete.

Back in and Kurt’s neck gives out again but he’s still able to flip Young off and roll some Germans. The Angle Slam gets two but Young pops up and sends him hard into the post twice in a row. The top rope elbow gets no cover as Young goes up for a second elbow drop to the back. Eric gets really evil and loads up a super piledriver, only to have Angle backdrop him out and grab the ankle lock. For some reason he lets go of the grapevine though and Eric gets the rope, only to have him pull Young back in for the grapevine again, making Young tap at 13:09.

Rating: D+. Well so much for Eric’s career and ALL HAIL KURT FREAKING ANGLE BECAUSE HE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. This is TNA’s biggest problem in a nutshell: they’ve built Young up as this killer and then they have Angle come in and beat him despite Angle leaving in three months. All hail the old guys and screw anyone who might get over by getting a big win over them because that’s how TNA rolls: it’s all about people in their 40s and making sure they look as amazing as they can for one last payday because TNA’s future will take care of itself.

The announcers preview the main event a bit.

Video on the main event and of course the audio messes up. These jokes write themselves.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway

Carter is defending and Jeff Hardy, Carter’s former employee, is guest referee. As usual, JB says Drew is standing when he’s kneeling. Tyrus tries to cheat thirty seconds in and gets ejected. Matt and Drew take turns punching Ethan in the corner and a clothesline puts the champ on the floor. Drew goes after Matt with some forearms to the back and a big headbutt as Ethan comes back in.

Carter knocks Matt out to the floor and stops to yell at Jeff for no apparent reason. A cravate slows Drew down but they trade cross bodies to drop both guys. Everyone gets back in but Matt and Ethan are quickly on the floor, allowing Drew to hit a big flip dive and take Hardy out. It’s table time but Drew picks Ethan up and hits a White Noise onto the steps for a big thud. Matt makes the save and puts Drew on top of Ethan (there’s no count for no apparent reason) for a double stack moonsault.

Ethan runs Jeff over by mistake and walks into the Side Effect but there’s no one to count. Carter is up first and puts Drew on the table at ringside, only to suplex Matt from the apron through Galloway in a big crash. Back in and a TKO gets two on Matt but Drew comes back in and tries to pull Matt off the top. Hardy headbutts him into the Tree of Woe but Ethan comes of to make it a superplex, only to have Drew do a sit up to add a German superplex in an impressive spot.

Matt and Drew slug it out so Ethan gives them both the 1%er at the same time for two each. The fans aren’t even reacting to these near falls and Jeff has barely been a factor so far. Ethan realizes that Jeff needs to get involved so he shoves the referee and demands a DQ. It’s No DQ though so Ethan grabs a chair, only to have Jeff take it away. Ethan slaps him again so Jeff lays Carter out with a Twisting Stunner. Drew adds a running boot and Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Drew for the pin and the title at 20:01.

Rating: C-. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! They took the stupidest possible outcome of the three and actually went with it because TNA really is that stupid. Matt Hardy lost his two title shots, didn’t get the pin to get into this match, and then wins the title at 41 years old with help from his more popular brother when you have Drew at 30 and Ethan at 32 right there. Instead though, OLD GUYS RULE!

As for the match itself, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. This was your standard triple threat match with some decent action but it didn’t do anything new. Galloway losing makes my head hurt but at least we had a watchable match instead of the disasters we had to sit through last year.

Ethan freaks out on Dixie in the back (because we NEEDED a Dixie cameo) and says she’s dead to him.

Matt’s wife and son get in, along with the Hardys’ dad (who looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE else) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. To recap, Tyrus is 42, Gail Kim and Bobby Roode are 38, Kurt Angle is 46 and Matt Hardy is 41. These people are the winners and therefore bigger stars of the company. That’s your future people. A bunch of people who got famous in WWE (save for Roode) and are probably in the twilights of their careers. Now they’re actually setting up what looks like Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus for a title shot. I mean……yeah I think that speaks for itself actually.

Overall the show was just there. It had its moments and some good matches here and there, but that gauntlet just killed anything they could have gotten going. It was long, dull, and had a lame ending that not a lot of people wanted to see. The main event wasn’t bad and the Tag Team Title match worked, but nothing on here felt like a big match. A good chunk of that is due to how little time they had to build, but instead TNA decided their best bet to stay on TV was to have their all-star team beat a bunch of rookies and castoffs.

Matt winning the title was a fun moment but it’s really stupid when they’re in the position they’re in. TNA needs someone that fans can get behind and going off of a “HE FINALLY DID IT” moment isn’t going to make that work. This was much more about however many people they could find to accept free tickets tonight and not looking forward to the future, which has always been one of TNA’s biggest problems.

This show did nothing to make me think TNA has hope going forward and it was the same bunch of problems they’ve had for years now. Off to India like nothing is wrong though, because that’s the TNA mindset: shrug it off and pretend there are no problems while you get thrown off of yet another network because fewer and fewer people want to watch this nonsense.

Oh and in case you’re wondering: there was no mystery third announcer. Not mentioned, not referenced, not that it matters.

Results

Tigre Uno b. DJZ, Andrew Everett and Manik – Uno pulled down the title

Tyrus won a gauntlet match last eliminating Mr. Anderson

Wolves b. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee – Brainbuster to Lee

Bobby Roode b. Bobby Lashley – Roode Bomb

Gail Kim b. Awesome Kong – Eat Defeat

Kurt Angle b. Eric Young – Ankle lock

Matt Hardy b. Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III – Twist of Fate to Galloway

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Slammiversary 2015: It’s Sad Really

Slammiversary 2015
Date: June 28, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Mike Tenay

This should be an interesting one as the company has already taped the next month’s worth of TV before this show, but at the same time there’s some interesting stuff going on here too. The main event (in theory) is the King of the Mountain match with Jeff Jarrett returning for one more match (allegedly). Let’s get to it.

We open with the highlight package over the years. Of course this means mainly focusing on Sting, Hogan and Angle.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno

Tigre is defending in an elimination match with Tigre starting fast until he sends everyone to the floor for a big dive. Back in and Manik slams the champ down and we hit a chinlock, basically defeating the purpose of the entire division. DJZ tries to break up a springboard and eats a dropkick to the face for his efforts. Serves him right. Back in and Manik knees DJZ in the face because he’s still not over that broken springboard.

Manik suplexes the champ down but it’s DJZ coming back in with some nice flips and a wristdrag/headscissors combo to take both guys down. A running double knee puts all three guys down and Dinero drops a Contra Code reference. It’s DJZ up first with a modified Tower of Doom as he hits a Sliced Bread off an electric chair, only to have Tigre nail him in the face and hit a twisting split legged moonsault for the elimination at 9:45. Pope referred to it as a move that is difficult to describe.

The champ misses a top rope stomp but gets his knees up to block a splash. His rollup gets two and Manik hits a nice twisting chest buster, followed by a frog splash for two. There’s nothing going on between these spots. Back up and Tigre mostly misses a corkscrew moonsault but it’s enough to put Manik away and retain the title at 12:09.

Rating: C. This was the spotiest spotfest that I’ve seen since…..well since the last Ring of Honor show I saw. Again, there’s no story or reason to have this match other than to say “hey here’s an X-Division Title match”. Tigre is fine as a high flying champion, but they need a story to give us a reason to care about the guy.

Robbie E. says tonight is serious. He’s been here five years (not quite) and it’s time to stop the dancing and being a goof.

We recap the BroMans’ split, which is all about Jesse claiming that it was his work that made the team a success.

Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz

Jesse is officially “The Man”. Before the match they keep up the stalling with Jesse bragging about his success as the fans let him know that they don’t care. Robbie, with new music, cuts him off and beats Jesse up at ringside before doing the same inside. A big backdrop sets up a dive onto Jesse as this is all E. so far.

Godderz finally hits a powerslam on the floor but can’t get Robbie up for what looked like a gutwrench suplex. Instead a backbreaker gets two and we hit the bearhug on Robbie. That goes as far as a bearhug is going to go in 2015 and Robbie comes back with a middle rope cross body.

E. wins a slugout but gets caught in a buckle bomb, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. This time Jesse’s regular powerbomb gets two and the Adonis Lock (Boston crab) goes on, only to have Robbie make the ropes without too much effort. Robbie comes right back with a reverse DDT for a quick pin at 11:18.

Rating: C-. The match was decent enough with Jesse working on the back and then they just went to the finish out of nowhere. Jesse’s push is now a big waste but at least they’re giving someone young like Robbie a nice push. Now to be fair I can’t imagine them doing anything with it and there’s probably going to be a rematch, which is actually match #5, but this wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Technically fine, but the story is nothing all that entertaining.

Matt Hardy says he’ll win tonight.

Bram vs. Matt Morgan

Morgan returned as a surprise on Wednesday. Before the match, Matt wants it to be a street fight and Bram is all like “Okey dokey”, but with a British accent. Morgan runs him over to start and they head to the floor to actually make it a fight. Bram comes back with his big metal hook to take over, followed by some trashcan shots to the head. Back in as this match is clearly just more filler.

Morgan calls for a chokeslam but opts to Carbon Footprint a trashcan into Bram’s face. The big man can’t follow up though so Bram goes around the ring to look for a special weapon. He FINALLY picks a few chairs but gets chokeslammed onto one of them for two. That’s it for Morgan though as the Brighter Side of Suffering onto the chair gives Bram the pin at 9:30.

Rating: D+. Well at least they didn’t job Bram. I guess the blueprint part is just physical because this would be REALLY STUPID for Morgan to pick as a stipulation. The match was your standard hardcore brawl as this show continues to feel like a house show that they taped and aired here. Morgan looked fine but I don’t expect him to be back longer than maybe one more appearance at most. Nothing special here, as usual tonight.

Ethan Carter III and Tyrus don’t like JB correcting them. They try to rip his hair off but it’s real. This was basically just a plug for Wednesday’s World Title match.

Austin Aries vs. Davey Richards

The winner gets to pick the stipulation for the fifth match in the Tag Team Title series. Aries takes him down to start but then runs to the corner to hide. They trade some standing switches until Aries bails to the floor to avoid a kick to the head. Back in and Aries plants him with an STO of all things but won’t use the Pendulum Elbow.

A wristlock doesn’t get Aries anywhere as Davey dropkicks him out to the floor for some more stalling. Richards wins a chase and hammers him against the barricade but Austin comes back with a shot of his own, setting up a top rope ax handle to take over. Back in and the slingshot hilo gets two for Austin, followed by a handspring elbow for the same. Some kicks to the chest make Davey growl a bit, allowing him to come back with a kick to the chest and a German suplex.

Aries seems to be looking for a tag, because a guy who has primarily wrestled as a singles guy for years and recently reformed a tag team can’t remember how a one on one match works. Aries takes him to the floor for a big dive and nails a missile dropkick, setting up the Last Chancery.

As usual it doesn’t work (it rarely did when he was a face either) but the brainbuster doesn’t either with Davey countering into a falcon’s arrow for two. They slug it out until Davey throws him into the air for a kick to the chest, followed by the top rope double stomp (to the arm) for two more. Cue Bobby Roode and Eddie Edwards for a distraction, allowing Aries to roll Davey up for the pin at 17:28.

Rating: B. That’s probably going to be the match of the night as we’re definitely in One Night Only territory here. This was a match that didn’t change a thing but at least was entertaining while it lasted. Everyone is trying on this show, but there’s only so much you can do to overcome the power of indifference.

The Dirty Heels pick a 30 minute Iron Man match. In case you hadn’t seen these teams fight enough yet.

Eric Young says he’ll win.

Dollhouse vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong

Before the match the Dollhouse says they’re better looking so they’ll win. Kong is in a full body outfit this time. Taryn chokes Kong to start but all three Dolls are sent into the corner for a big triple splash. They officially start with Jade having no luck against Kong with a Marti having to break up a cover off a splash. Brooke comes in off the hot tag and cleans house before things settle down with Marti taking over.

Back to Jade for a bearhug, which is in no way an excuse to get Brooke’s trunks to ride up. The referee misses a tag to Kong but it goes through a few seconds later, allowing Kong to destroy the Dollhouse (sans Taryn) just like she did before. Brooke clotheslines both of them down as Kong goes after Taryn, leaving Brooke to hit a top rope facebuster (the Butterface Maker. Just go with it) for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: D. No point to the match, basically no Taryn, and just a step above a squash. The Dollhouse is already crumbling but we can get like six years of the Beautiful People. At least it’s not Gail Kim doing her least interesting stuff again, because I don’t think I can handle another major push for her.

Magnus doesn’t hate James Storm even though he wants to. Tonight he has to believe that love is stronger than hate, even if he loves the way hate feels. The devil can’t catch him tonight because he’s already inside. Good line to end this. It makes little sense but good line. Also, you would think that the whole attempted murder thing might have fired Magnus up more.

Long recap of Magnus vs. Storm. Basically Storm was all friendly but was just trying to get Mickie James to join the Revolution but she turned him down so Storm tried to kill her by shoving her in front of a train. Now it’s time for a match.

James Storm vs. Magnus

Unsanctioned so anything goes. They slug it out at ringside to start before heading into the crowd with Magnus taking over. Storm slams him through a table of food and grabs a beer bottle but stops to spit on the announcers, allowing Magnus to come back with right hands. They get back inside with a table being set up but Storm hits him low.

Magnus doesn’t seem to mind as he catapults Storm’s face into the bottom of the table for a unique spot. It’s off to the back of the arena again as a production guy repeatedly tells them that there’s high voltage back there. Magnus is thrown into a box and the video screen goes to a test pattern. That goes nowhere so they head back to the ring with the Eye of the Storm being countered into a powerbomb through the table for two.

Storm comes back with an Orton hanging DDT but stops to set up another table on the floor. Instead of putting Magnus through the table though, Storm yells at Earl Hebner, allowing Magnus to make a comeback. Magnus misses a top rope elbow through the table and crashes onto the concrete. That’s only good for two of course so Storm pulls out some powder.

Magnus comes back for like the tenth time but the powder goes into Earl’s eyes, meaning there’s no count off the Spine Shaker. Instead the Last Call gets two so it’s cowbell time, but Magnus hits another Spine Shaker for two. END THIS ALREADY! Now the cowbell connects and another Last Call gets another two.

Storm sets up two chairs with a piece of barricade bridged between. Magnus superplexes him through the barricade and, say it with me, it gets two. Both guys get bottles and connect at the same time with Storm falling on top for the pin (despite Magnus being on the barricade and therefore his shoulders not being on the mat) at 16:38.

Rating: C+. The match was trying but they went WAY too far and long out there as it was almost a copy of the Rusev vs. Cena match at Payback. Yeah they beat each other up a lot but I lost interest about halfway through. This felt like it was about four matches packed into one, but at least it was a fun brawl. The start was pretty lame though as they were just kind of walking around and trying to figure out what to do.

Drew Galloway says he’ll win, just like the Rising this Wednesday in the final battle with the BDC. Another match that should have aired here.

The audio is screwed up because of the electrical stuff earlier on. Thankfully we’re treated to a long shot of the production crew cleaning up the debris from the previous match and then a shot of the announcers.

Ethan Carter III/Tyrus vs. Mr. Anderson/Lashley

There’s no commentary and Anderson’s mic doesn’t work. It starts up again as Anderson and Carter start things off with Ethan being taken into the corner for a beating and a spear. Lashley can’t quite suplex him over the first time but Tyrus gets in a surprise chokeslam to take over. Tyrus comes in for some shots to the neck as Tenay talks about Anderson and Lashley feuding over the ECW and US Titles.

Anderson comes in with jabs as we’re treated to Pope talking about his time in OVW. His feud down there with Matt Morgan is the least interesting feud that I have ever seen so I wouldn’t brag much about it. Commentary keeps cutting out, leaving us to analyze Carter’s chinlock on Anderson with no guidance. Lashley comes in off the hot tag to clean house again with a running powerslam getting two on Carter. Anderson and Lashley slug away on Tyrus but he (mostly) suplexes them both down. Carter runs back in for the 1%er on Lashley for the pin at 10:12.

Rating: D. Standard Impact main event here but this show has already sucked all the life out of me so I couldn’t get into things. Carter winning is the only logical move here to help set up the title match on Wednesday, even though they already had him pin Lashley and Anderson. It’s almost like this match was thrown together with the best logic they could think and it still wasn’t enough.

The announcers preview King of the Mountain. Jarrett is treated as an invader.

Jarrett says he can’t believe he’s back here but wants to take this to a global level.

King of the Mountain Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett

It’s the old Legends/TV/Global Title with a new plate. The rules here aren’t exactly simple. You win by climbing the ladder and hanging the title, but in order to do that you have to earn a fall to be qualified with falls counting anywhere. Whoever is pinned must go to a penalty box for two minutes. We get big match intros with JB saying Drew is standing in the corner to his left. He’s kneeling but close enough. Jarrett is introduced by his old nickname: the King of the Mountain.

Jarrett stands back as everyone brawls to start. It’s Roode going after Jarrett first but eating a backdrop, followed by Young taking a beating as well. Jarrett goes for a strut but Roode rolls him up for a pin to become eligible and to send Jarrett to the penalty box for two minutes. Matt Side Effects Roode for two as Jarrett escapes….only to be covered by Young to become eligible. Everyone brawls inside and get sent into the ladder until Jarrett gets out.

Young hits Jarrett low but gets rolled up by Galloway for a pin. Matt hits a Twist of Fate for a pin on Roode at the same time, sending both Young and Roode to the box at the same time. Only Jarrett is unqualified at this point. Hardy and Galloway fight on the ladder (yeah remember the whole ladder part of this match?) but Jeff shoves them both down and Strokes Galloway for two with Hardy making the save.

Jeff covers Matt for two more as Young and Roode are making a pact in the box. Both guys get out and clean house before stopping to sing O Canada as we flash back ten years. Young tries to turn on Roode and gets Cactus Clotheslined out to the floor. Galloway and Hardy go to the ropes but get powerbombed down by Jarrett, only to have Roode and Young steal pins to keep Jarrett ineligible. It’s a three way fight now with Young vs. Roode vs. Jarrett with Eric getting the best of it and grabbing a guitar, only to have Jeff take it away and knock Bobby silly to become eligible.

Galloway and Hardy get out and fight over possession of the belt but knock each other down, leaving Jarrett to climb up. Young pulls him down with a powerbomb and a piledriver onto a ladder, followed by Roode coming out of the box. Galloway climbs on top of the cage for a big flip dive to put all five guys down. It’s Drew climbing again and Matt pulling him down again. Just to keep up the idea of the match of course. Roode stops Hardy and goes up but Young makes the save with another ladder. Jarrett and Young go up with Jeff hitting a Stroke off the ladders, allowing him to hang the title for the win at 20:56.

Rating: D+. So in case you don’t get it, here’s the story: TNA is freaking out that an invader (who they invited) is going to take a title that they just invented to another company which they basically advertise for free on their TV show. Oh and Jarrett is a face because he’s a legend in TNA and therefore the announcers panicking really doesn’t fit with what’s going on. The match was your standard King of the Mountain mess with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners.

Overall Rating: D. That’s the worst part: the show wasn’t even that horrible. It’s in one of the worst categories possible though: the show that didn’t need to exist and underwhelmed. There were some good matches on here and the stories were actually current so it blows last year’s Bound For Glory out of the water, but my goodness this show felt like it was going on for days. It’s not a good show and it’s clear that this company is in complete free fall as they seem to have no idea what they’re supposed to do next.

I know the TV is taped for a month or so, but they really, really need to nail them because this show felt like the last time we’re going to see these guys. With a lot of these people leaving too, things are looking very, very bleak for TNA and they don’t really seem to notice. If Jarrett leaving with a freshly made midcard title for a promotion that has held about four shows is their big story, they’re in major, major trouble.

Results

Tigre Uno b. Manik and DJZ – Corkscrew moonsault to Manik

Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Reverse DDT

Bram b. Matt Morgan – Brighter Side of Suffering onto a chair

Austin Aries b. Davey Richards – Rollup

James Storm b. Magnus – Beer bottle to the head

Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Lashley/Mr. Anderson – 1%er to Lashley

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Hardy, Drew Galloway, Eric Young and Bobby Roode – Jarrett hung the title belt

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


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Impact Wrestling – June 24, 2015: I Want To Believe

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 24, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

Tonight is the go home show for Slammiversary, but it’s also a special live(ish) episode which has been built up as a big deal. However, there’s also the major show next week with the World Title showdown between champion Kurt Angle and the undefeated Ethan Carter III. It’s not really clear which of these are the biggest or which is going to take a backseat to the others. Let’s get to it.

Ethan Carter III and Tyrus arrive and have a great idea in mind for Kurt Angle’s surprise opponent.

We recap last week with Full Metal Mayhem being announced for tonight.

Here’s World Champion Kurt Angle with something to say. Carter’s road to the title stops next week, so why doesn’t he just bring out the mystery opponent right now. This brings out Carter and Tyrus with the former saying Angle looks like it’s going to take an army of 10,000 men to drag him off his mountain. However, it’s going to take one and guess who that one is going to be. Angle cuts him off and says two things are going to happen: Carter is going to tap next week and the mystery opponent is going to tap tonight.

Carter: “Tap-a-roo Kurt!” Ethan lists off all the people he’s defeated and knows he can beat anyone. “Bring forth your heroes and I will sacrifice them on my altar of perfection.” Angle says no one can help Carter next week because he’s tapping out next week. Carter teases coming to the ring but instead introduces the mystery opponent: MATT HARDY! Yeah that Matt Hardy. It really doesn’t make it any bigger of a deal when you think about it extra.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Low Ki vs. Grado

Tournament final so the title is vacant coming in. Low Ki slaps Grado in the face to start but Grado comes back with some snap jabs, only to get chopped back down. Tigre gets back in and is knocked down just as fast but Grado takes too much time going up top, allowing Low Ki to shove him down and hit Warrior’s Way for….an elimination at 2:24. That’s the first mention of this not being one fall to a finish. Tigre gets a quick two off a rollup but Ki kicks him down. Ki gets crotched on top though and a Phoenix Splash gives Tigre the title at 5:11 total.

Rating: C-. I feel sorry for the X-Division guys because they’re stuck with these five minute matches and no time to ever develop anything but it’s supposed to be this big deal. Tigre Uno is just another guy holding the title for a meaningless reign before the main eventers take over around Destination X time next year.

Bram takes over an interview and again calls out any former members of the roster. He leaves and someone with a big glove grabs JB’s shoulder. JB: “It’s time!”

Taryn Terrell yells at Marti and Jade for not taking care of Kong and Brooke last week. This Sunday, it’s a 3-2 handicap match, because why have a title match when you can have a match that belongs on any given episode of TV?

We run down the Slammiversary card: James Storm vs. Magnus, Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie E., Lashley/Mr. Anderson vs. Tyrus/Ethan Carter III. That’s all we have so far, plus the aforementioned handicap match.

Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love

If Velvet wins, she’s back on the roster full time. Sky takes her down to start and throws Love to the floor for a whip into the post. Back in and Angelina pulls her off the middle rope and hits Lights Out for two, setting off a lot of screaming at the referee. A Stunner plants Love for the pin out of nowhere at 5:24.

Rating: D. Yay. I mean that with full sincerity. I’m so glad that a Knockout who was nothing above average on her best day in the ring is back to take a spot and some of the spotlight away from the awesome Dollhouse act. Sky and Love stopped being interesting a few years ago when it was clear that nearly every story they were ever involved with was about the Beautiful People. Boring match here and the ending does nothing to me.

The Dirty Heels don’t remember learning about tables, ladders and chairs in wrestling camp, but think the dirtier things get, the better their chances.

Another playtime is over vignette.

MVP is back and rips on internet journalists. The war with the Rising is still on. It should be noted that these backstage segments are being shot with a really bad camera, which makes everything look like it’s about half a second slower than it should be.

Dirty Heels vs. Wolves

Full Metal Mayhem, meaning TLC but with pins. If the Wolves win they’re champions, but if the Heels win then there’s one more match. The Heels (Austin Aries/Bobby Roode) throw the weapons out before the Wolves (Eddie Edwards/Davey Richards) come to the ring. It’s a brawl to start and all four get chairs, with the Wolves knocking the Heels’ chairs out of their hands to send them back to the floor. Aries and Roode take a breather on the floor but are smart enough to raise a ladder to stop a double suicide dive.

We take a break and come back with the Heels in control and taking in seat in some chairs for stereo chinlocks. The Wolves fight up and bring in some weapons to clean house. They knock the Heels to the floor for three straight suicide dives before a trashcan lid shot/falcon’s arrow gets two on Roode. Davey wraps a chain around his boot but gets caught in the Last Chancery, only to have Edwards make a save.

Back up and a missile dropkick/powerbomb combination puts Edwards through a table for two. The Wolves toss into a kick (with the chain over the boot) gets a very close two but Aries gets caught inside a trashcan for chair shots and a double dropkick from the top. The Wolves load up Aries, still in the trashcan, for a powerbomb but Roode low blows Eddie to put Aries on top for the pin at 18:13.

Rating: B. I don’t care. That’s the problem with this series: it feels like they’re trying to copy the awesome three way tag team series last year but the matches really aren’t all that great. They’re just going through the motions and having decent matches, but there’s nothing that makes me want to watch them fight five times.

Matt Hardy doesn’t think much of Ethan Carter III and doesn’t explain why he agreed to fight for him tonight. Carter comes up and says if Hardy wants a title shot, he needs to kiss the ring. Hardy asks what happens if Carter loses next week.

And now, here are Jeff Jarrett and Karen Jarrett of Global Force Wrestling. Jeff says he’s shocked that he’s here too. A week ago, he got a message from TNA management, who asked him to come back for a match. He almost hung up there because he doesn’t even wrestle for his own promotion. However, they said it was his own match: the King of the Mountain match at Slammiversary.

It brought back a lot of memories for him, such as Kurt Angle jumping to TNA and Samoa Joe headbutting Angle and busting him open and a punk kid from north Georgia named AJ Styles becoming the greatest wrestler this company ever had. Or a team called Beer Money becoming the best team this company ever produced and Eric Young having more TV shows than Ryan Seacrest.

Over the last fourteen months, Jarrett has spent all his time building up Global Force Wrestling, but he started thinking about what his wife would think about all this. Karen talks about all the time and effort they’ve put into Global Force Wrestling, which is now their life. But then Jeff started talking about all his memories and she understood what this meant to him.

She’s still not sure why they’re here, but she knows this is what they need to be doing. This morning she was on the phone with Sonjay Dutt, and it became clear to her that her husband didn’t leave on his terms. This Sunday, Jarrett is finishing this on his terms one last time. So yeah, after all the hype for the hours before this show, it seems that it’s Jarrett coming in for one match on a nothing show and that’s it for now. Some game changer.

Bram vs. Vader

Yes, that Vader, who wrestled one match for TNA back in 2003. Vader is in workout gear and runs Bram over to start before hitting his big clothesline. More power offense sets up the Vader Bomb for two and Bram hits him in the ribs with a pipe for the DQ at 3:40.

Rating: F. Considering Vader is about 58 years old, this wasn’t bad. What is bad is the fact that they actually had Bram hit him with a metal pipe instead of pinning him like he should have done to a veteran like Vader. This dumb, dumb booking is so old at this point, but at least Vader looked fine.

Post match Matt Morgan comes out for the save and knocks Bram to the floor.

Sgt. Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young

This was set up a few weeks back when Young choked Melendez with his prosthetic leg. Young takes over to start as the announcers act like this is the biggest show in the history of ever. Young plants him with a DDT for two and gets the same off a neckbreaker. We hit a chinlock for a bit before Young tries to rip the leg off again. Melendez fights back, ducks his head and gets piledriven for the pin at 3:47. This was a squash.

Rating: D. The match sucked for the most part and I don’t like Young, but this was the only way this booking should have gone. Young is a former World Champion and spent the last month fighting Kurt Angle. Melendez is a rookie with a handicap and no important wins to his name. There was no reason for this to be a competitive match and it wasn’t in the slightest.

Back from a break with the Rising fighting the Beat Down Clan because THESE TWO TEAMS HAVE TO FIGHT FOREVER BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ELSE THEY CAN POSSIBLY EVER DO. Hernandez returns and helps the BDC clean house.

Match #5 in the Tag Team Title series is next week. Also next week: Taryn defends the Knockouts Title against Brooke and Awesome Kong.

Matt Hardy vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title. Hardy takes over to start as Josh (incorrectly) calls this a first time ever match. Angle slams Matt down and grabs a chinlock. A quick slugout sets up rolling Germans from Angle followed by an Angle Slam for two. With both guys down, Josh announces Aries vs. Richards for Slammiversary with the winner getting to pick the stipulations for the fifth match next week. Matt misses the moonsault and gets Germaned some more, only to come back with a Side Effect. The Twist of Fate gets two but Angle countered a second attempt into the ankle lock for the tap at 6:58.

Rating: C. This was fine. Matt was a weird choice for an opponent when Carter has his own personal bodyguard walking around but almost never having a match of his own. Still though, good enough here, even though it was just trading finishers for a few minutes until they got to the ending.

Ethan Carter III and Tyrus come out but Angle fights them off and makes Carter tap to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was like TNA’s Greatest Hits in one night. Let’s see: gimmick match that didn’t need to be a gimmick match, a bunch of returns that don’t mean much, a table war that no one wants to see, a legend beating a young up and comer for no logical reason and a meaningless title change.

When the big news broke about the Jarretts being back, I had hope. I wanted to believe that something was actually going to change around here because I want it to change. I want TNA to be fun again, but instead it’s the same stuff we’ve seen forever: short term thinking with stuff like Slammiversary being treated like the least important show since…..well since their last pay per view actually.

It’s so frustrating watching a company that has so many good pieces consistently screw things up. There was so much potential over the years in TNA but they’ve spent so much time messing up everything over the years that I can’t bring myself to buy into them again. Now it seems like their time is measured in months and then….they’re probably going to hang around because Dixie can talk people into letting her get on TV and then screw up another deal, all the while wasting all the talent and potential they have. The show tried, but as usual they were going in the wrong direction most of the night.

Results

Tigre Uno b. Grado and Low Ki – Phoenix splash to Low Ki

Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love – Stunner

Dirty Heels b. Wolves – Low blow to Edwards

Vader b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a pipe

Eric Young b. Chris Melendez – Piledriver

Kurt Angle b. Matt Hardy – Ankle lock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


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Impact Wrestling – May 22, 2015 (International Impact): Oh Yeah They Knew

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 22, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

So since Destination America basically threw up a middle finger at TNA on Memorial Day weekend, there was no new episode aired on Friday May 22. However, there was a show airing internationally which has since come online. This is a few weeks old but here it is for the sake of completeness. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Hardys having to vacate the Tag Team Titles due to Jeff breaking his leg in a motocross accident, setting up the best of five series between the Dirty Heels and the Wolves.

D’Angelo Dinero is brought out for commentary. Granted that doesn’t mean much here as the only version I could find was in French.

Mandrews vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Argos vs. Rockstar Spud

Elimination match with no tags because that’s what the X-Division consists of these days. Spud starts fast and cleans house as Steve sits in the corner holding a monkey. Tigre dives over the top to take Manik out before Steve intentionally dives onto no one. He’s crazy you see. Mandrews sends Argos to the apron for a crash onto everyone, leaving Mandrews to hit a great looking shooting star onto the pile.

Back in and Manik pulls Steve out of the way of another Madrews shooting star (which would have missed by three feet anyway), setting up a rollup to get rid of Mandrews. Steve has silly string and clotheslines Manik in the corner, setting up a Cannonball for two. Wait….now there are tags? After that huge mess and insanity they have tags now??? Argos comes in for more clotheslines to Manik, followed by a reverse Shell Shock from Tigre for two. It’s strange to not hear the commentary as there’s far less to make fun of.

Steve comes back in to rip at Tigre’s mask, earning him a kick to the back of the head. Argos runs back in for a gorilla press gutbuster to eliminate Steve. It’s Argos vs. Spud now with Tigre coming in to double team the Rockstar. Tigre goes up top for a kind of top rope seated senton low blow for two and we take a break. Back with Argos hitting a running hurricanrana on Manik as we see Tigre being eliminated during the break to get us down to three.

Spud dropkicks Manik down and hits the Underdog on Argos for an elimination, leaving Spud vs. Manik. They slug it out with Spud getting the better of it with a bunch of punches and some running forearms. The Underdog is broken up and Manik gets two off his tiger suplex into a gutbuster. The same sequence sees Spud counter the gutbuster into a rollup for a near fall, followed by an Underdog from the apron to the ring for the pin at 15:23.

Rating: C. Well, you had six guys, they did moves to each other for fifteen minutes, and one of them didn’t get pinned. That’s what the X-Division has become: meaningless matches with someone coming out on top and no real reason to care about most of them. Other than Spud, these guys are almost interchangeable as far as levels of interest, so why should I care that he beat all of them?

Long recap of the BroMans rise and eventual split. It’s clear that they’re filling a lot of time.

Jesse arrives (sans shirt of course) and says he beat up Robbie because he’s better. Robbie got on a reality TV show after Jesse did so Robbie should be thanking him for his entire career. Robbie can be the Bro, but Jesse will be the Man.

Spud says that’s one step closer to getting the X-Division Title back. The people are with him, not Kenny King.

Jesse Godderz vs. DJZ

Before the match, Jesse says he’s the superstar and the reason they won the Tag Team Titles. He knows he and Zema are supposed to fight, but it would be the same ending that Robbie E. suffered. Jesse isn’t losing to a nobody. A serious DJZ comes out and says he was the X-Division Champion before the BroMans and Jesse was nothing. That’s enough to start the fight with DJZ hitting a quick running hurricanrana to send Jesse outside. A jawbreaker staggers Jesse (you might even say it stuns him) and it’s all DJZ so far.

Jesse comes back with a great dropkick and slaps on an armbar of all things. That goes as far as an armbar is going to go when your name isn’t Alberto and Jesse hot shots him down. DJZ kicks away what appeared to be a Figure Four and hits a Thesz press, only to get stomped back down. A Boston crab of all things makes DJZ give up.

Rating: D+. Jesse is trying and playing a decent heel, but at the end of the day he’s a pretty boy bodybuilder using a Boston crab as his big finisher. That’s not going to get him very far, but this is better than anything else he’s ever done as a singles guy. Robbie E. coming back for a big showdown could be entertaining though.

Magnus says this is about James Storm.

Video on Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle with Young being…….oh you know it by now.

Video on James Storm manipulating Mickie James for reasons that aren’t clear yet aside from he’s evil. Mickie’s fiance Magnus isn’t cool with this. He’ll be a lot less cool with it when he shoves her onto train tracks.

Magnus comes out for a match but says he has to deal with James Storm messing with his family, plus Storm’s Revolution. A few weeks back, Khoya hit him with a big piece of wood. Maybe that’s overcompensating for a smaller piece of wood?

Magnus vs. Khoya

Magnus stomps him down to start and they head outside with Khoya being sent into the barricade. A suplex gets some two counts and for no apparent reason, Magnus puts the referee on top of Khoya and counts two more. Well of course he does. We take a break and come back with Magnus throwing him outside again as we wait for the screw up so Khoya can take over and Magnus can make the comeback.

Magnus swings Khoya’s stick but hits the post and hurts his hands, allowing Khoya to take over. Ah there it is. Khoya stomps away in the corner and clotheslines Magnus down for no cover. A corner splash misses though and Magnus starts his comeback with clotheslines followed by the top rope elbow. A pair of Spine Shakers end Khoya at 9:39.

Rating: D+. Just an extended squash here which is how you should build towards a match like Storm vs. Magnus. It wasn’t anything interesting and Magnus still isn’t worth watching in the ring, but at least he got a win here to give him some momentum before the Slammiversary match.

Bram says he’s crazy and dangerous and he has no remorse. He’s violent you see and he’s coming for Bobby Roode.

Recap of the Tag Team Title best of five series.

Dollhouse video, focusing on their war with Gail Kim and Awesome Kong. The camera slowly zooming in on Taryn’s face as Kong’s music played was a great touch.

Rebel vs. Marti Belle

Before the match, Marti says it can still be playtime even though Taryn isn’t here. Rebel is offered a chance to leave but she won’t say anything. Finally she calls the Dollhouse the Skank House and slaps Jade in the face to get things going. Marti is knocked into Jade’s arms but a baseball slide puts them both down. Jade gets in some cheap shots as Marti gets a chair because the referee is dumb enough to fall for this.

They finally get inside with Marti in control and clotheslining Rebel down to break up a comeback. Rebel scores with a slam and a headscissors, but instead of turning Marti over she pulls her into the back of the trunks for a “comedy” bit. Another Jade distraction lets Marti hit a double arm neckbreaker for the pin at 3:16.

Rating: D. Nothing special here but it’s nice to see that Marti can work a match to go along with her stable mates. It’s a boring match though, partially due to Rebel being little more than a model who they trained to take some bumps. Dull stuff here as you can see the big divide between the top and bottom tiers of Knockouts.

Kenny King isn’t worried about Rockstar Spud and the X-Division Title.

X-Division Title: Mica vs. Kenny King

Oh so King is champion here. I didn’t actually know coming into this. King bails to start but Mica catches him with some right hands to knock the champ outside. Back in and an armbar slows Mica down but he comes back with a slam for two. Not exactly inspiring stuff so far. Mica’s ram into the buckle is countered with King snapping his throat across the ropes before firing some right hands into the face. A spinning kick to the face gets two on Mica but he comes back with a Samoan drop for two more. That’s it for him though as the Royal Flush retains King’s title at 6:40.

Rating: D+. I just do not care about this feud whether there’s a title involved or not. King is fine as the X-Division Champion but Mica and Drake are so dull and uninteresting that there’s almost no way to care about any of them. The fact that the match was dull made it even worse.

Bobby Roode was the World Champion at wrestling but he’s capable of fighting against someone like Bram.

Campaign ad for Ethan Carter III for World Champion. Him winning the title will bring down unemployment and help with the millennial problem. Unfortunately this is used to set up Carter vs. Anderson’s boring match.

Bobby Roode vs. Bram

Roode is the clear face here despite being half of the Dirty Heels tag team because TNA doesn’t think these things through. Bobby cranks on the arm to start but Bram keeps going to the ropes. After a breather on the floor, Bobby knocks him right back to the floor as they’re in first gear so far. Back from a break with the Blockbuster getting two on Bram but he rolls outside and posts Bobby to take over.

More brawling offense from Bram on the floor but Roode slugs away back inside. That earns him a hard whip into the buckle for two and a charge into a boot, only to have Bram charge into a spinebuster. There’s the Roode Bomb but Bram rolls to the floor instead of getting covered, landing in front of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bag. Roode posts him but has to avoid the referee back inside, earning him a low blow and a handful of trunks to give Bram the pin at 14:05.

Rating: C. Totally average main event here with Roode dominating most of the match and then losing to a fluke at the end. That being said, I like the idea of having Bram get a main event win, even if the next few weeks have shown us that this changed nothing and was really just a match.

Overall Rating: D+. Oh yeah they knew no one was going to watch this show. It was basically a few steps ahead of a One Night Only show, which means you could miss the show and not lose a bit of anything. Nothing show here with a few watchable matches sprinkled throughout. In other words: standard Impact.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling – June 10, 2015: X Marks A Lame Special

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 10, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re closing in on Slammiversary and the big story is the announcement of the World Title match between champion Kurt Angle and new #1 contender Ethan Carter III. However, tonight is Destination X, meaning Rockstar Spud is getting the World Title shot against Angle. Other than that, we have the continuation of the best of five series for the Tag Team Titles between the Dirty Heels (who are finally acting like heels) and the Wolves. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the X-Division as a whole before focusing on Spud cashing in. However, Austin Aries is cashing in his Feast or Fired briefcase on the winner. There will also be three triple threats with the winners fighting in another triple threat for the title at a future date.

It’s time for the World Title match but Ethan Carter III and Tyrus cut Christy off. Ethan is livid that he isn’t getting the shot tonight so he’s staging an old fashioned sit-in. He dares anyone to come get him out of here so Kurt Angle comes to the ring. Angle gets all serious and threatens ankle pain to get Carter out of the ring.

TNA World Title: Rockstar Spud vs. Kurt Angle

Kurt is defending and takes Spud down to the mat with ease for a headlock. Back up and Spud is able to send Angle outside, only to eat a belly to belly on the floor for a huge crash. Angle takes it back inside and nails another suplex to set up a chinlock. An Angle Slam attempt is countered and Spud scores with an enziguri.

Spud slugs away and tosses Kurt to the floor, setting up a huge flip dive off the top. A superplex plants Spud back inside but he’s still able to escape the Angle Slam. There’s a running forearm to Kurt but he grabs an ankle lock, only to have Spud roll away into an Underdog attempt. Kurt charges into the post and eats the Underdog for a VERY close two, which shocks Spud. There’s the ankle lock with the grapevine and Spud taps at 8:35.

Rating: C+. Fun match but not enough to be anything really great. They did about as much as they could do in under nine minutes, but at the end of the day this was just a few steps above a workout for Angle. The Underdog was a nice near fall but this really was too short to work as well as they were hoping.

Here’s the Dollhouse to call out Awesome Kong. Taryn is willing to bare all to see who the toughest Knockout is, meaning Kong has to compete for the title in a lingerie pillow fight. They have the lingerie ready for her and it’s the only way she gets a shot.

Manik vs. Low Ki vs. Crazzy Steve

Winner advances to the X-Division Title match at a later date. Manik goes after Steve to start but Ki breaks up Manik’s suicide dive. Back in and Manik uppercuts both guys until Steve jumps into his arms, only to have Ki hit a springboard spinning kick to the face. Something like a Codebreaker gets two on Ki with Steve making the save. Steve misses a high cross body and gets kicked into Manik in the corner, setting up the Warrior’s Way to Manik to give Ki the pin at 3:28.

Rating: C-. It’s going to be a long night. Much like the other multi-man X-Division matches of late, this was just a few guys doing moves to each other and one of them getting a pin. What is there to say here? Ki makes sense as the winner but Manik would have been fine as well. The time hurt this, and I have a feeling that’s going to be the case with all three of them.

Grado is warming up for his triple threat later but he needs to lose weight to become X-Division. He teases some Parkour but doesn’t quite make it work. This is the guy that was supposed to be the most awesome thing ever? Not bad but really?

Recap of James Storm possibly murdering Mickie James last week. Apparently she wasn’t physically hurt.

Tigre Uno vs. DJZ vs. Mandrews

We start with the triple headlock with Tigre speeding things up to take over. DJZ dropkicks him down though, only to have Mandrews slingshot in for a hurricanrana. A standing moonsault gets two on DJZ but Tigre comes in with a missile dropkick. Tigre slams DJZ down for two but Mandrews comes back in with a tornado DDT to put everyone down. DJZ is up first for a running flip dive to the floor to take out both guys again. Back in and Tigre shoves DJZ off the top and hits a Phoenix Splash (read as a spinning knee to the face) to pin Mandrews at 5:27.

Rating: C. Total spot fest here with no story or flow to the thing. That’s probably the best idea for these guys but there’s nothing that makes any of these triple threats stand out because there’s no reason to care about any of these guys. They’re just thrown out there to do these matches and that’s the last we see of them until it’s time for another big X-Division mess.

Post match Jesse Godderz comes down to destroy DJZ.

Grado continues to try to lose weight. He asks Tigre for some tips but there’s a language barrier. Grado leaves and Tigre calls him a jackass.

Knockouts Title: Taryn Terrell vs. Awesome Kong

Taryn is defending and this is a lingerie pillow fight. There’s a bed in the ring for the Dollhouse and Taryn laughs at the idea of Kong having to wear the lingerie. Kong comes out in her regular gear, much to Taryn’s annoyance. Marti and Jade are pulled to the floor for a beating so Taryn says the fans don’t get to see her in lingerie. “What a tease I am!”

Cue Brooke to say Taryn promised a title defense tonight and she’s ready anytime. Brooke shoves her down and the catfight is on as Kong is off making Jade and Marti into toothpicks. Taryn is disrobed and runs off. No match of course.

The Dirty Heels are ready for their tag match later, but Roode wants the first World Title shot.

Grado weighs in but strips off his singlet first. JB tells him there’s no weight limit so he’s good to go. I’ve seen worse.

Grado vs. Kenny King vs. Cruz

It’s a big brawl to start with Cruz being thrown to the floor and Grado getting kicked in the face. Cruz eats two running boots in the corner but Grado pounds on King’s back. We hit a chinlock on Grado for a bit before Cruz fails at lifting him up for a suplex. King kicks Grado in the face, leaving Cruz to cross body Kenny for two. There’s a Royal Flush to Cruz but Grado slugs away on Kenny, only to eat a chop to the chest. The Royal Flush doesn’t work on Grado, who sends Kenny outside and nails a Cannonball on Cruz for the pin at 5:18. Josh: “What a win and what a company!”

Rating: C. Another fun enough match with Grado having a ton of charisma, which I can finally see instead of constantly being told about how awesome he is. King not being in the title match is a nice change of pace, even though it’s pretty clear Low Ki is the major favorite to get the belt. Again.

Bram takes over a camera and says he’s going to the ring to make history.

After a break, here’s Bram to run down the X-Division and issue an open challenge to anyone who wants to fight in a six sided ring.

Bram vs. Crimson

Uh….sure. Crimson not being around for the better part of a few years is treated like getting a free coffee from a Shell station. Bram slugs him to the floor but Crimson takes over back inside. That sends Bram outside for a stroll, where he sends Crimson into the barricade. Back in and Bram scores with a kind of t-bone suplex, followed by a Rings of Saturn with a neck crank. Bram makes the ropes and hits the Brighter Side of Suffering for the pin at 4:38.

Rating: D. Well that happened. I’m glad Bram won but there isn’t much else to say here. Crimson coming back got zero reaction so it was nice to see him lose this quickly. I have no idea what this has to do with the X-Division, but then again TNA stopped caring about that thing like six years ago so I shouldn’t be surprised.

Kurt Angle says he’ll win.

Ethan Carter III says when he throws the first punch, Angle isn’t getting up.

TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Kurt Angle

Aries is cashing in his Feast or Fired briefcase to get the title shot. Feeling out process to start until Aries clotheslines him down for two and nails a right hand in the corner. Aries flips out of a German and nails a low dropkick as we take a break. Back with Angle rolling Germans but the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT for two. There’s the Last Chancery but Angle escapes and grabs an ankle lock, only to have Aries make the ropes.

The discus elbow is countered into an Angle Slam for two. Angle misses the moonsault and gets caught in another Last Chancery, which really doesn’t look as good as they’re hoping for. The 450 is broken up by Angle running the ropes but Aries shoves him off for the 450 and a very near fall. Another Angle Slam is countered with two discus forearms but the brainbuster only gets two with Kurt putting a foot on the ropes.

There’s an ankle lock on the champion but he counters into one of his own. Aries rolls Kurt to the floor for a suicide dive, which goes right into the barricade. Austin is out cold and it’s another Angle Slam, only to have Aries counter into a rollup for two. Now the ankle lock with the grapevine makes Austin tap at 18:00.

Rating: B. Good main event match here but Angle is long past the point where you can call his spots in the big matches. How many times has someone put Kurt in the ankle lock, only to get countered into the same hold? Aries is his usual awesome self, but he needs something more than just being in a tag team that he’s already been in.

Ethan Carter III comes in and lays Angle out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It gets really tiring seeing TNA pay lip service to the X-Division and then abandon it for the next ten and a half months every single year. Notice that the Feast or Fired cash-in, which could happen at any show of the year, got WAY more attention than the X-Division cash-in, which was treated as an afterthought. This show is a waste of time on a division that stopped meaning anything years ago.

The show itself was really nothing to see other than a few spot fests and the usual good main event. Other than that though, this could have been any regular episode of Impact and no one would have noticed the X-Division as really standing out. I’d be fine if they just dropped the thing already because it’s clear that it doesn’t mean anything. Decent enough show but it never once felt special.

Results

Kurt Angle b. Rockstar Spud – Ankle lock

Low Ki b. Manik and Crazzy Steve – Warrior’s Way to Manik

Tigre Uno b. DJZ and Mandrews – Phoenix Splash to Mandrews

Grado b. Kenny King and Cruz – Cannonball to Cruz

Bram b. Crimson – Brighter Side of Suffering

Kurt Angle b. Austin Aries – Ankle lock

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TNA One Night Only – X-Travaganza III: What Do You Want Me To Say?

X-Travaganza III
Date: May 6, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

I guess this is considered the beginning of a new season of these shows as the first X-Travaganza was the first ever One Night Only. Barring a big surprise, this is going to be a series of qualifying matches for an Ultimate X match for money later on in the night. These shows really are good illustrations of how far the division has fallen in recent years. Let’s get to it.

We open with the standard speech about how important this division is to TNA’s history. Notice that as the division has fallen into obscurity, the company’s success has gone down as well. Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, but once TNA stopped having something to focus on other than the main event division, things kept going south. As usual, this also shows us clips from later in the night.

All matches are qualifying matches for the Ultimate X main event with $100,000 on the line unless noted otherwise.

Tigre Uno vs. Sonjay Dutt

Feeling out process to start with Sonjay taking him down with a quick armdrag before having to spin out of a wristlock. Some fast near falls get us nowhere but both guys collide to put them on the mat. Back up and Sonjay takes over with some chops and a running knee in the corner before stopping Tigre with a boot. Tigre comes back in with a dropkick for two as the announcers start talking about Twitter handles. I really hope this isn’t a descent into the usual commentary madness on these shows.

Sonjay comes back with something like an Octopus Hold and a kick to the head for two. This turns into a discussion of favorite submission holds, which is at least related to what we’re watching. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Tigre fights back, only to miss a split legged moonsault. Dutt’s standing moonsault gets two as the fans are really not all that interested here. Borash finally gets around to explaining the idea of the qualifying matches for Ultimate X later in the show. Tigre crotches himself on an attempted basement dropkick in the corner but comes right back with a rolling cradle for the fast pin (and maybe a four count).

Rating: C-. We’re already seeing the issue with this show: there’s no reason for these two to be fighting and that makes for a dull match as neither of these two did anything exciting enough to warrant having nine minutes. It’s not a bad match or anything but it’s just two guys doing moves to each other until one got a pin off a cradle.

Kenny King talks about surprising everyone by showing up in TNA and brags about all of his success. No matter what he did though, he never could get noticed until he joined up with the BDC. Tonight, we’re calling this X-Travaganza Step Up, because he wants someone to step up to become the next Kenny King. Be careful though because he’s going to knock them right back down.

Kenny King vs. Jay Rios vs. Pepper Parks

Parks wrestles all over the indies and seems to have a fitness gimmick. Rios is a lower level indy guy but he was recently on Impact as Tigre Uno’s partner in the Tag Team Title tournament against Bram/Ethan Carter III. Josh asks the returning JB how he can get around the arena to announce everything so fast. Parks kicks Rios in the head to start and stomps him down as King stands back.

The fans chant for the BDC (the only people they might know in this match) as King backdrops Parks to the floor. Rios kicks both of them through the ropes and hits an Asai moonsault to drop both opponents. Back in and Parks gets two off a sitout powerbomb as King is still on the floor. Rios sidesteps Parks’ spear to send him into King before hitting the springboard into an RKO on Parks for two.

Pepper doesn’t seem to mind as a double superkick puts King down, only to have Rios hit running boots in the corner to both opponents. King suddenly realizes he’s Kenny King and starts cleaning house but Rios shoves him off the top and hits a frog splash for two on Parks. Back up and Rios goes to the apron, only to springboard into the Royal Flush to give King the pin.

Rating: C. Better but it’s the exact same problem from the first match: I have no real reason to see these guys fight and they’re not doing anything worth seeing. In other words, these matches aren’t very interesting and make me want to go watch some old TNA matches instead of these.

Here’s a clip from Destination X 2013 where Manik won the X-Division Title in Ultimate X.

Manik vs. Mr. 450

450 is yet another indy guy who has been squashed in NXT a few times under the name Jesus de Leon. For some reason he comes out (after Manik) with a weird eyepiece that looks like something out of Star Trek (for your KB trivia: I’ve never seen a single movie or episode of Star Trek) and may supposed to be something from the future.

Wherever he’s from (yes I know it’s Puerto Rico), he grabs an armbar to start as the announcers talk about Google Glasses. They spin around a few times until 450 gets two off a springboard cross body. Manik sends him hard into the post though and things slow back down. Off to the floor now with Manik sending him into the post again as Josh laments the loss of Bernie Mac. He was in a movie called Mr. 3000 (Josh calls it Mr. 300) so it’s connected you see.

Manik grabs a cross armbreaker (at least he’s following up on the shoulder into the post, putting this match ahead of everything else on the show so far) before rolling some suplexes, capped off by a belly to back hammerlock suplex. We hit the chinlock with the arm trapped back for a bit to keep up the psychology.

450 comes back with another springboard cross body but Manik catches himself in the ropes instead of going out to the floor. He goes right outside a few seconds later though, setting up 450’s Asai moonsault. Josh clarifies that Pepper and Joseph Parks are not related before Manik hurricanranas 450 into the armbreaker for the submission.

Rating: C+. Best match of the night so far with the arm work actually playing through the match instead of just introducing it and then forgetting it just as fast. Again it’s not a great match or anything like that, but at least it was a good way to kill seven minutes. Manik is an underrated talent in the company and unfortunately he’s stuck in the lame Revolution for the time being.

Video on the Knockouts defying the limits just as well as the men do.

Taryn Terrell is in the five Knockouts ladder match later tonight and she can prove that she’s more than just a pretty face.

Great Sanada vs. Jonathan Cruz vs. Crazzy Steve

Cruz is Rios’ partner in the indies. Steve pulls out a horn as Matthews thinks Cruz is Mr. 450. Ignore the fact that neither wears a mask so this shouldn’t be too complicated. Steve goes out to the apron and waits for a tag because we’re in a comedy match. Sanada cranks on Cruz’s arm to start and they hit a nice spin out sequence for one of the few good reactions from the crowd all night long. Steve comes in with a crucifix and sunset flip for two each on Sanada before Sanada pulls on Cruz’s face.

Now the announcers talk about the places Sanada has wrestled, including the hibachi place and Nakatomi Towers. Off to an abdominal stretch on Cruz until Steve makes the save. The serious guys finally get tired of the comedy and pound Steve down like anyone sensible would do. Steve comes back with cannonballs in the corner, only to have Sanada mist Cruz in the face. A moonsault gets two with Steve making the save, setting up a DDT on Cruz to send Steve to Ultimate X.

Rating: D. The announcers have gone from amusing to Tazz land as they spent the whole match making as many Japan jokes as they could squeeze into a short match. Steve is a generic “comedy” guy who gets annoying in a hurry with neither opponent being able to do much. Sanada really should have gone forward here as he’s more than earned the spot in the last year, especially on these shows.

Rockstar Spud says he’s a great wrestler, even when he was just getting coffee for Dixie Carter. Tonight he can show why he’s a great X-Division wrestler when he wins his first Ultimate X match.

And now, since they can’t even get to 2:45 on their own, here’s the X-Division Title match from Slammiversary 2014.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Tigre Uno vs. Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Crazy Steve vs. Manik

Sanada is defending and this is a ladder match. Also keep in mind that Destination X and Option C are coming up soon. Manik dives through the ropes to take out Sanada before the bell. The Wolves follow suit with stereo suicide dives and Steve has apparently knocked Tigre Uno down. Steve gets a ladder from under the ring and uses it to climb back to the apron. Tigre dropkicks him down and mostly misses a corkscrew dive to take everyone out.

Sanada and Manik fight over a ladder in the ring with the champion taking over via a springboard chop to the head. Tigre replaces Manik and kicks Sanada in the back of the head but the Wolves double team him into a German suplex onto the ladder in the corner. Edwards throws in a fresh ladder but Manik dropkicks both of them down. Steve (very popular tonight) comes in for the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot, taking down everyone that comes into the ring.

Manik makes a save but Steve shoves the ladder over, only to have Manik land on the top rope and dive out to knock out the Wolves. Steve goes up again and touches the belt but of course loses his hand eye coordination since this is a ladder match, allowing Sanada to make the save. The ladder is busted so Sanada slams Steve onto it to set up the moonsault. The fans think this is awesome as Tigre enziguris Sanada off a better ladder.

Tigre wedges the broken ladder into the standing one to form a bridge, but the Wolves catch him in a powerbomb/top rope Backstabber combo. The Wolves both go after the belt but Sanada makes the save. Edwards Sanada clothesline each other to the floor and Eddie crashes into the barricade, leaving Davey on top. Manik makes the save and powerbombs Davey onto the bridged ladder in a SCARY landing. Sanada climbs up to retain at 9:40 before someone dies.

Rating: B-. The match was fun but some of those spots looked too dangerous for my taste. Richards getting powerbombed was way too scary looking and I didn’t like how he landed. Hopefully everyone is fine, but I question having people go through a match like this without even giving the match hype on TV.

Rockstar Spud vs. Dalton Castle

Castle is basically a man in a peacock costume during his entrance with and some good looking valets to disrobe him. Naturally the announcers aren’t going to explain who Castle is because they’re too busy with their “witty banter.” Castle puts his hands on his back and sticks his chest out so Spud imitates the look (one fan: “Spud’s was better!”). The pose off continues as the announcers debate this year’s Best Picture winner. They start shoving each other out of the way to pose before Spud gets one off a rollup over a minute in.

This sends Spud to the floor to call Castle a chicken. Time for a chase scene with Dalton getting taken down with a drop toehold. Matthews talks about being chased by a chicken as a kid as Spud knocks Dalton outside. Josh: “There was no choking of the chicken.” Castle throws him down to the mat and struts a bit before covering for two. Josh: “New game! Every time you say Castle’s full name, you have to give him a new middle name.” Spud screams at a slap and hits some running forearms, followed by the Underdog for the pin.

Rating: D+. I love Spud but there was only so much you can do here when the announcers are making up games to get themselves through the show. Castle needs a straight man or partner in general to play off as he doesn’t have the wrestling acumen to back him up out there. This was barely even a match after all the posing.

Matt Hardy is ready for his dream match against Austin Aries tonight. Who has been dreaming of that match? Matt talks about his career evolving all the time and now he’s going to give A Double a double dose of Mattitude.

Mikaze vs. DJZ

Mikaze had a pot of coffee back in ROH back in 2005-2006 and was squashed by Ryback one night. DJZ bails from the threat of a kick to the head and does a Karate Kid pose. Back up and Mikaze chases him out to the floor, only to have DJZ snap the back of his neck across the ropes. That’s with with Mikaze who skins the cat out to the floor and into a hurricanrana for a nice counter.

Back in and DJZ stomps him in the corner as we hear about Mikaze designing wrestling gear. Mikaze misses a springboard clothesline and a lot of choking ensues. The announcers count ropes (seriously) and laugh at the idea of Mike Tenay dying. Mikaze sends him to the floor and gets a running start before changing directions into a moonsault. That was awesome. Back in and Mikaze hits a springboard forearm (fans: “AJ STYLES!”) and Trouble in Paradise, only to get caught in a bottom rope tornado DDT to send DJZ to the Ultimate X.

Rating: C. Mikaze looked cool but the idea of sending anyone but those already on the roster to the main event is a pipe dream. DJZ is trying but he’s another example of someone who needs a partner to help him get through most of his matches. He’s mainly a comedy guy and that doesn’t translate well when he’s trying to have a regular match like this one.

Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love vs. Brooke vs. Taryn Terrell

Ladder match for a future Knockouts Title match. I love that they can’t say who the champion is at the moment as they have no idea who it will be when this airs. Everyone goes for the ladder to start but they just wind up knocking the thing over for a big crash. Madison suplexes Taryn on the floor (Josh: “That was violent!”) and the announcers take shots at the Divas.

We get the first ladder brought in with Gail trying to get it straightened on the top rope for no apparent reason as everyone fights in the background. Angelina gets dropped face first onto the ladder but Gail and Brooke start fighting over who gets to use the ladder. Taryn is sent face first into the ladder in the corner as Angelina sets up another between the barricade and the apron.

Everyone gets knocked down in the corner until Gail is dropkicked off the apron and onto the bridged ladder. We finally get a ladder set up in the middle of the ring but Brooke shoves it over, sending Angelina and Madison crashing down. Gail pulls Taryn down but both quickly climb up, only to have Brooke pull Gail through the rungs. Gail is dangling but stops Brooke from pulling the contract down. Not that it matters as the contract falls, allowing Taryn to dive onto it for the win.

Rating: D+. I’ve never been a fan of these short gimmick matches. What’s the point in even bringing the ladders in if they’re going to be done in less than seven minutes with five girls in there? You can barely get anything going and there’s almost no drama, though Taryn winning is always a good thing.

The Wolves are ready to face each other and they’re both coming at it hard. It’s all cool though.

Package on the Wolves.

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards

This is just a dream match instead of a qualifying match. They’re in different tights tonight to make this feel a bit different. Feeling out process to start and both guys give a clean break in the corner. They point at the crowd and lock up against the ropes as this is totally even so far. Davey can’t spin out of a wristlock but they both spin out of a hammerlock into a standoff. Now Josh talks about grilled cheese and his ability to map minds.

More technical stuff leads to a headscissors from Davey and they trade something like the surfboard’s drunk cousins. The third standoff sets up Davey nailing a dropkick and putting on an Indian deathlock, complete with a Rude hip swivel. Edwards does the same (the swivel I mean) with the surfboard knee stomp as Josh is STILL going on about the mind map stuff. Davey is sent to the floor and both guys avoid dives, setting up Eddie’s moonsault off the apron to break his heel and put him on the shelf for three months. Back in and Davey hits a pair of Creeping Deaths (Eddie: “DO IT! DO IT!”) for the pin.

Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade as it was just starting to get going when the injury took place. They didn’t want to go after each other here but they were getting into the spirit of competition right before the ending. Good enough match though and the Wolves continue to be awesome on this show.

Austin Aries says he and Matt Hardy are good in any division. He has to talk over a match ending and it’s really distracting. Isn’t there like an office or locker room deep inside the building that they could do these in instead?

Clip of Aries beating Roode in the first Option C cash-in.

Austin Aries vs. Matt Hardy

Again, the winner doesn’t go to Ultimate X. They fight into the corner to start as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Matt scores a quick takedown and poses before doing it again and shouting 2-0. Aries takes him down twice in a row, lays on the ropes and says we’re tied. They hit the mat with a headlock into a headscissors counter and it’s already a standoff. Another mat sequence ends with Aries hitting a basement dropkick and a slingshot hilo for two.

The announcers ignore the match again but at least they talk about the main event. Well to be fair they make a bet on the main event but close enough. Aries dropkicks Matt out to the floor but his suicide dive hits a forearm. Matt fights back with a middle rope elbow to the back of the head but the Side Effect is blocked with an elbow to the head. The double underhook guillotine has Aries in trouble but he escapes and puts on the Last Chancery.

They fight over a suplex on the apron (of course the Last Chancery didn’t work. It hasn’t in years) and Matt is shoved to the floor for the suicide dive. Aries dives into a kick into the ribs though and eats a Twist of Fate on the floor. Austin barely beats the count back in and quickly drops Hardy, only to miss the 450. Matt misses the moonsault though and they slug it out from their knees. The Side Effect gets two for Matt but Aries pops up with a pair of discus forearms, the running corner dropkick and the brainbuster for the pin.

Rating: B. Match of the night here by about a million miles but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. This sounded like something that should be headlining an indy show and there’s nothing wrong with it being the second biggest main event on a nothing show like this. To be fair, a big indy show probably has a better card than a lot of One Night Only shows.

Video on Ultimate X.

Kenny King vs. Tigre Uno vs. Rockstar Spud vs. DJZ vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Manik

Ultimate X for $100,000. Yeah not a title shot or anything, but money. It’s a big brawl to start with Manik making the first failed attempt at the X. A limping Spud is down on the floor as Steve bites DJZ’s head and hits him with a Cannonball in the corner. Tigre stops King from getting the X but gets pulled down by Manik. King superplexes Steve down and hammers away before everyone is down for a bit.

Spud pulls DJZ down and other combinations do the same thing as this is already starting to drag. We hit the parade of dives with Spud going last. It’s clear that they’re just killing time at this point, likely due to the Wolves match going short. They get back in (including Steve, who Josh keeps calling Steve of Crazy) for a Tower of Doom and the fans are barely reacting. King shoves DJZ through part of the structure before pulling Spud off the cables.

Tigre hits a Phoenix Splash to the floor onto DJZ for no apparent reason. King and Manik screw up an alliance and END THIS ALREADY! King is the only one left standing so he pulls out a ladder. Spud makes his comeback and hammers away on King but Kenny hits him with the ladder. The slowest climb of all time allows Spud to make the save and….have to deal with Manik who springboards onto the ladder. Thankfully it quickly falls over and Spud hangs on, pulling down the X to win.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here with nearly 18 minutes to this thing. The guys were trying hard but this shouldn’t be more than about ten minutes at most. The lack of drama really hurt it too as the only two possible winners were King and Spud, and there was barely a single dramatic attempt at the X. Just too long here and it really dragged things down.

Overall Rating: D. Oh yeah this was dull. It went on too long (which says a lot as this wasn’t even 2:45 long and it had about 15 minutes added with the Slammiversary match) and nothing here was worth seeing. In other words, it’s basically the exact same thing that has plagued every One Night Only show, including the dreadful commentary. Matthews and Borash clearly didn’t care and they knew they wouldn’t get in trouble for it because no one watches these shows. Bad show, but the guys were indeed trying.

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Impact Wrestling – November 19, 2014: Last One Out, Lock Dreamer In

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 12, 2014
Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

And so, it ends. Well at least on SpikeTV. Tonight is the last episode of Impact Wrestling on the major network before it takes two months off and returns on a network in about 40 million less homes. To be fair though, it’s better than no network at all…..in theory. Tonight is about setting up Roode vs. Lashley III so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Roode taking the title from Lashley a few weeks ago, followed by Lashley being driven insane by not being champion.

Here’s Roode to get us going. He talks about having a few real friends in wrestling and two of them are Eric Young and Austin Aries. Now Lashley is going around trying to put those two out of wrestling. If Lashley wants a shot at the title, he can certainly have one, but not tonight. Tonight isn’t about the World Title or professional wrestling. Instead it’s about fighting with no referee and no rules. Roode calls Lashley out right now and the fight is on in the aisle. They fight into the stands and Lashley misses a big chair shot. Security breaks them up after only a few seconds though.

Ethan Carter says he’s giving Spud a chance to prove that he’s a man tonight.

The next show on SpikeTV is in two weeks on December 3 for a best of the year show.

Video on Havok’s dominance, which has spanned about five matches. Taryn and Gail are ready to slay the best.

Knockouts Title: Havok vs. Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

Havok is defend and this is one fall to a finish. The challengers go right at Havok but get dropped with a double clothesline. Havok throws Gail onto Taryn and then sends her shoulder first into the post. A spinebuster plants Taryn but Gail tries AJ Lee’s Black Widow on the champ. Havok is in trouble and Taryn adds an Indian Deathlock for good measure. Somehow Havok powers out of it and they all fight to the floor with Havok catching Terrell, only to have Gail dive on both of them as we take a break.

Back with Havok still on the floor and Taryn rolling Gail up for two. A running flip neckbreaker puts Gail down again but Havok pulls Taryn from the ring and drops her throat first across the barricade. Gail heads outside also but gets spinebustered onto the floor. Back in and Havok splashes both girls for two but Gail is up first and drapes Havok across the top rope.

A kind of Fameasser from the top puts Havok on the floor but Taryn jumps Gail from behind. Terrell takes her to the top but Havok comes back in to make it a Tower of Doom. The champ stacks them up again but misses a middle rope splash. Taryn and Gail break out of a double chokeslam attempt and hammer away until Gail scores with a DDT. A cross body gets two each before Eat Defeat and an RKO get two for Terrell. Gail rolls up Taryn but gets caught in a sunset flip to give Terrell the title at 14:32.

Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in awhile but it doesn’t mean what TNA wants it to be. First of all, as mentioned, Havok has won something like five matches in TNA over the course of six weeks with one of those being a battle royal. That’s hardly taking the title off Roode after seven months. Also, Terrell pinned Gail, which likely sets up a showdown later. It’s a good match but nowhere near the moment they were hoping for.

MVP rants at Kenny King about being called a manager. King sounds pleased.

Recap of Joe vacating the X-Division Title last week. There’s a fourway for the title later tonight.

Recap of the opening brawl.

Roode isn’t going to let his friends get taken out or be intimidated by Lashley. Now the champion is challenging Lashley to a fight. Didn’t he do that already?

Kenny King vs. Chris Melendez

Melendez shoves him into the corner to start and King mocks the mechanical leg. Chris finally hammers away but walks into an elbow in the corner. A hiptoss sends Kenny to the floor but he jumps up and kicks Chris in the face. Melendez gets snapped down across the top rope but Chris comes back up with a mechanical kick to the chest. A fisherman’s suplex gets two for Chris and he kicks King in the face, only to have MVP come in with a chair for the DQ at 5:05.

Rating: D. I probably should but I just do not care about Chris Melendez. It’s amazing how he’s come this far, but after you get over the shock of seeing someone being able to do this, he’s just a green wrestler that can’t do much in the ring yet. The match was nothing special and just there to set up stuff (likely a tag match) for the future.

MVP goes after Chris’ good leg until Mr. Anderson makes the save.

Spud agrees to meet EC3 tonight.

Melendez is sent to the hospital but Anderson wants revenge. Kurt Angle says he’ll deal with it.

Here are EC3 and Tyrus to address Spud. Carter likes the idea of Spud trying to come across the pond and make himself big. Along the way Spud has picked up some friends like Eric Young, who is now in the hospital and Jeremy Borash, who Carter slapped so hard that the entire Borash family died. Well tonight, Spud can fight Carter for one night only. Cue Spud in a suit that looks like a brick wall (seriously) and Carter even has Tyrus go to the floor.

Spud gets right in his face and Ethan offers a free shot but Spud can’t do it. Instead he kicks Carter low and then hits him in the face as the brawl is on. Carter gets the better of it and takes Spud down as the fans tell him that he can’t wrestle. Spud pulls himself up but Carter lets him go from the 1%er. Spud pulls himself up again but Tyrus comes in for the Tongan Death Grip into a clothesline. Now Ethan (busted open a bit) gets a mic and threatens to rip Spud apart until he decides to stop. First up, Ethan cuts off some of Spud’s hair and holds it up like a trophy. Nice segment here.

Angle yells at King but gets jumped and beaten down by MVP. Even King thinks that was too far.

Bram vs. Tommy Dreamer

Hardcore of course. They start in the aisle as Dreamer looks older than ever. Bram slams him down on the ramp and nails Tommy with a trashcan. Dreamer is already busted open so Bram fires off more right hands, only to get sent into the post. Tommy hits Bram with the old WWE spinner US Title for a bizarre moment. We take a break and come back with Bram sending Tommy face first into the steps.

Back in and we hit a chinlock before Dreamer gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charge. Some kendo stick shots and Russian legsweep gets two for Tommy and he crotched Bram on an opened chair. A clothesline knocks Bram out of the chair for two and Tommy ties him in the Tree of Woe. Dreamer shouts T-N-A and hits a basement dropkick into a trashcan but Bram counters the DDT with a legsweep.

The top rope elbow with the chair is blocked with a raised boot and Dreamer’s DDT gets two more. Now it’s a barbed wire chair but Magnus runs in with a Rock Bottom to plant Dreamer. The Brits load up something else but Al Snow of all people runs in for the save. Dreamer gets up and grabs the cheese grater as Snow punches Magnus up the ramp. Bram’s cut is grated open even worse but he comes back with a low blow and sends Tommy face first into the barbed wire chair in the corner. An inverted DDT pins Dreamer at 14:54.

Rating: F. It got fifteen minutes, Bram needed help to beat Tommy Dreamer, Al freaking Snow ran in (wearing wrestling gear for some reason) and Tommy Dreamer is STILL ON MY TV IN 2014. I would love to know what Dreamer has on the management of this and all those other wrestling companies he works for because it must be gold.

Angle is going to deal with MVP once and for all.

Sheera asked Manik what he needs to do to get Storm to like him. Manik tells him to awaken.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Low Ki vs. Tigre Uno vs. Manik

The title is vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Tigre and Manik fight to the floor, leaving Low Ki to kick DJZ across the ring but Manik comes back in to jump Ki. DJZ dropkicks both of them down as Tigre comes back in to speed things up. A quick dropkick gets two for Uno but Manik suplexes him down and puts on a surfboard. As he has Tigre in the air, DJZ covered Manik, only to have Low Ki hit a Warrior’s Way onto Tigre, crushing everyone else at the same time for a scary looking landing.

Manik charges into Low Ki’s kick to the face but DJZ elbows Ki in the face. Tigre sends Manik to the floor and hits a huge twisting springboard moonsault to take everyone down. Back in and Low Ki gets Tigre in the Tree of Woe but Manik breaks up a top rope double stomp. DJZ hits a tornado DDT on Ki but Manik dives onto DJZ for the save. Manik covers, looks DIRECTLY AT TIGRE, and stays there while Tigre dives on him. Come on man. Tigre and Ki go up top and a Ki Crusher off the top gives Ki the title at 5:58.

Rating: C+. Of all the multiman cruiserweight spot fests that I’ve seen, this one is the most recent. That’s really all there is to it. They did some spots, there was no flow to the match, they did a lot of stupid stuff that got on my nerves and one guy hit a big move for the win. That’s every almost cruiserweight match in this company for months now and this was just another on the list.

MVP calls someone and leaves a voicemail about burning the place down.

Here’s Angle to call out MVP. He talks about watching MVP cheat his way to the top when he was in charge but here’s MVP to cut him off. MVP is sick of being here but mocks Angle for running to the Board of Directors when something goes wrong. Angle isn’t going to fire him and the fight is on. Kenny King comes out to help but MVP shoves him away and keeps stomping before hitting the Blackout Kick (Drive-By) to send Angle outside. Anderson comes out to get King but Lashley takes him down. This brings out Roode to take out King and brawl with Lashley to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show had some decent wrestling but it felt like any other show for TNA. At the end of the day though, you can see one of the things that has held them back for years right there front and center: an old, past his prime guy living on nostalgia got the longest match of the night, including longer than two matches with new champions crowned.

Maybe the time off will do TNA good, but they need to stop doing stupid stuff like having Tommy Dreamer around to score nostalgia points from a tiny number of people they might bring in. They have a big roster but can’t fit them in because of stuff like that. That’s a badly run business and it’s killed them for years. I’m hoping it gets better on the new network, but 12 years have taught me not to get my hopes up for TNA.

Results

Taryn Terrell b. Gail Kim and Havok – Sunset flip to Kim

Chris Melendez b. Kenny King via DQ when MVP interfered

Bram b. Tommy Dreamer – Inverted DDT

Low Ki b. Tigre Uno, DJZ and Manik – Top rope Ki Crusher to Tigre Uno

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Impact Wrestling – May 15, 2014: Again. They’re Doing It AGAIN.

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 15, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Another week has passed and the main story is, say it with me, a heel authority figure corrupted by power. Last week MVP turned heel and announced himself as the #1 contender to the World Title. Other than that we’ve got Bully Ray heading to Texas to go after Dixie Carter. Why he would wait a week to do so is beyond me but maybe they’ll show us footage from the previous week. Let’s get to it.

Eric Young is waiting for MVP to arrive but security pulls him away from the boss’ limo.

Video on MVP turning on Young last week.

Here’s Young (minus the belt) in the arena to open things up. Eric rants about how he thought MVP was something different that’s why he fought so hard for him. Anything would have been better than Dixie Carter but this isn’t good at all. Eric says if MVP wants a fight he can come out here right now. MVP pops up on screen and says he did this for the money and the power. He’s going to do Eric a favor though: Young can keep the title until Slammiversary when MVP takes it away.

Dixie is in Nashville driving around with Spud. They go to her house and see a bunch of tables spray painted with Dixie Fears Bully.

Recap of Bram trying to make Magnus into his old self by sending him after Willow.

Willow is ready for revenge but wants it in his realm.

Bram/Magnus vs. Willow

They start in the dark rafters but are down on the floor in about ten seconds. Tagging is required here and it’s Bram whipping Willow into the corner to start. Bram hammers Willow in the corner and brings in Magnus for some stomping of his own. Back to Bram but he gets reversed into the corner for forearms and the slingshot dropkick. Willow decks Magnus off the apron but can’t hit the Twist. Magnus trips Willow up, allowing Bram to suplex him down. Back to Magnus with Bram sliding in a metal object. Magnus won’t go insane like Bram wants though, allowing Willow to small package Magnus for the pin at 4:22.

Rating: D+. This was more storytelling than a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Bram wanting Magnus to be all violent and evil again is a good idea for Magnus as his time on the top just didn’t work for the most part. He’s boring as a proper Englishman and all that jazz, so have him be evil instead and get something interesting going instead. Bram looked good.

Young trashes MVP’s office.

Bully Ray calls Dixie and tells her and Spud to come inside.

Gail Kim comes to the ring and says she’s not here to wear an evening gown or to get a makeover. She calls out the Beautiful People and gets what she wants. Angelina says the Beautiful People are what everyone should aspire to be. Velvet jumps Gail from behind and it’s time for a match.

Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim

Gail is in trouble to start but jumps over Velvet in the corner to get a breather. She hits the running cross body in the corner but misses a charge and falls out to the floor. Angelina gets in a few shots and throws Gail back inside for a DDT and two. Gail comes back with Eat Defeat out of nowhere for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D. It’s the same story with the same ideas and the same people we’ve seen doing this FOREVER now and I don’t care anymore. I’m assuming Gail gets a title shot at Slammiversary, but who cares if she wins? What difference does it make as they’ve all been champion like a million times anyway. Match was nothing.

Gail gets laid out post match.

Ethan Carter brags about injuring Kurt Angle last week and says this is his world now.

Crazy Steve vs. Kazarian

Steve is the Menagerie’s clown. Kaz sends him to the floor to start as we have carnival music and weird lighting. Kaz trips over Steve on the floor as the Freak stares him down. Steve low bridges Kaz to the floor as we’re in full on comedy match mode. The balloons are brought in and Steve breaks them with a top rope splash. Now he’s running around with a horn as Freak poses on the apron. Rebel is in the ring as well, hanging upside down on the ropes. The referee gets pantsed and it’s thrown out at 2:34 with Kaz winning by DQ.

The Menagerie doesn’t seem to mind losing.

Aries tries to get into MVP’s office but security stops him. MVP comes out and gets some cheap shots but Young shows up to jump the boss as we take a break. Back with the two still fighting and MVP in control. He tries to hang Eric with his tie but the champion fights back as they head to the ramp. Young seems to be favoring his arm so MVP hammers away on it back in the ring. Security comes down to break it up but MVP gets in more shots on the arm, including a flying armbar. MVP makes the title match tonight with him getting the title shot.

Spud tries to sneak up on Ray in Dixie’s house but the cameraman gives him away. Spud is captured but Ray tells the camera guys to stay there.

Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm

The opening bell is after a break and the brawl is already on the floor. Anderson takes him into the barricade but Anderson’s hand is slammed into the steps to give Storm control. Back inside with Storm working over the arm but getting caught in the swinging neckbreaker. Storm tries to run from the Mic Check, allowing him to hit a quick low blow for two, as the referee catches Storm’s feet on the ropes. A running DDT gets two on Anderson and it’s beer bottle time. The referee takes the bottle away but Storm spits in Anderson’s face, setting up the Last Call for the pin at 5:00.

Rating: D+. These matches are starting to get repetitive. The arm work went nowhere here and the match was only ok if you stretch a lot. It’s nice to see Storm FINALLY get a win though. That’s his first singles win on TV in over a year. That simply should not happen to a former World Champion.

Samuel Shaw is in an institution and can only say Christy.

Video on Sanada training and what the X Title means to him.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Tigre Uno vs. DJZ

DJZ is coming in with bad ribs. Sanada is defending and he teams up with Tigre to take Ion down to start. Tigre tries a quick rollup for two on the champ. There’s a bunch of confetti in the ring from Sanada’s entrance and it’s all over everyone’s back. Sanada misses a standing moonsault on Tigre but snaps up with a dropkick to the back. DJZ comes back in but gets caught in a rolling cradle for two for the champ.

Tigre stays on the floor for a bit as DJZ nails some forearms to Sanada in the corner. Sanada comes back with some chops as Tigre is still on the floor. Tigre finally comes back in with a dropkick to both guys, followed by a spinning Asai Moonsault to the floor. He throws DJZ back inside but Ion breaks up a moonsault. Sanada springboards back in with a chop to DJZ’s head and hits a tiger suplex for the pin to retain at 5:33.

Rating: C. Sanada is still good but these guys are pretty much the entire division right now. It’s the same problem the division has had for years now: you can find one guy that does well for awhile but the division is dead save for the month before Destination X. Nothing much to see here but it wasn’t bad.

Ray calls Dixie from Spud’s phone and tells her she’s all alone.

Gunner comes to see Samuel Shaw in the institution because Shaw needs someone to talk to.

We recap Ethan injuring Angle’s knee last week.

Dixie goes into her house and finds Spud tied up. Bully shuts the door and asks Dixie if she ever though it would come to this. He’s doing it because of what she did at Sacrifice and wants to know if she believes he’s afraid of her. Ray asks if she wants this to end. She does of course but he wants her to say she fears him. She’s about to say it when Ethan jumps Ray from behind. Dixie says she fears no one.

We recap Roode and MVP brawling last week, leading to MVP suspending Roode from Impact for the foreseeable future.

TNA World Title: Eric Young vs. MVP

Young attacks before the bell but is sent bad arm first into the steps. MVP works it over even more as the match hasn’t actually started yet. Back from a break with the opening bell and MVP staying on the bad arm. Eric fights up and hits some of his usual stuff before loading up the top rope elbow, only to have Kenny King of all people come down and shove Eric off the top for the DQ at 3:10.

Rating: D. I don’t have a rating in me for this one. Most of it was just arm work anyway.

MVP tells the referee to restart the match or he’s fired. The referee won’t do it so King decks him. King and MVP beat up Eric until Bobby Lashley comes out for the save….before joining up with them to destroy Young. Eric is slammed through some chairs by Lashley and taunted with the belt. The new heel faction stands tall to end the show. Taz: “This is bad Mike.” Preach it brother.

Overall Rating: D. TNA is entering it’s summer lull and they’re diving in head first. There was some watchable stuff tonight but the stories are just killing everything else. As I’ve complained about probably a dozen times before, it feels like we’ve seen every bit of this before. The Beautiful People are dominant and calling people ugly, the heel authority figure(s) are receiving far more TV time than anyone else, and the title picture is about the plucky champion fighting to keep the main evil authority figure from gaining ultimate power.

It’s the same stuff this company has run with for YEARS now and it’s just not working here. We’re coming up on one of the biggest shows of the year and looking at Eric Young vs. MVP for the World Title. I could picture that being a midcard title match, but TNA doesn’t have time for a midcard title. Maybe if Dixie didn’t have to have five segments a show we could, but Heaven forbid she’s not one of the focal points of the show. The more I think about it the more it seems like they want her to turn face, which would be about the dumbest thing they could do. In other words, look for face Dixie to send her guy in to face MVP at BFG.

Results
Willow b. Bram/Willow – Small package to Magnus
Gail Kim b. Velvet Sky – Eat Defeat
Kazarian b. Crazy Steve via DQ when Menagerie interfered
Sanada b. DJZ and Tigre Uno – Tiger suplex to DJZ
Eric Young b. MVP via DQ when Kenny King interfered

 

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