Unforgiven 2006
Date: September 17, 2006
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 16,105
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

For some reason this is a very requested show, so here it is. This is a two match show for the most part as Cena goes for the world title against Edge in a TLC match where Cena will be the HUGE heel. Also here we have DX vs. the McMahons and Big Show in Hell in a Cell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that match all the way through so that’s a nice little bonus reason to watch this show. Other than that there’s just not much here, but then again 06 was only an ok year for the company. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about those two matches which is exactly what you would expect it to be about.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Jeff Hardy

Wow talk about two different career paths. I’m not sure who gyrates more: Hardy or Melina. They mention Jeff’s three year absence, which was when he was in TNA, but we can’t say that name so there you are. Long feeling out process to start which is fine if they have time to work with. Nice armdrag and then another by Hardy as we get the obligatory Ricky Steamboat reference.

Nitro plays the standard heel role by hiding on the floor when Jeff gets momentum. That’s such a basic thing and it worked very well. I don’t get why more people don’t do it. SWEET slingshot dropkick to Nitro and he hits the floor. Baseball slide takes care of him there too as it’s all Hardy. Nitro hits a dropkick to Hardy while Hardy is on top to take over though. Dang Melina can scream.

He works on Hardy’s knee which is rather smart given the style of offense he uses. Top rope twisting moonsault (Starship Pain but from the top rope and without the leg split) misses and we’re back to even. Whisper in the Wind hits very well and Nitro is in trouble. Swanton hits clean but Jeff’s leg is hurt and Nitro gets his foot on the ropes. Nitro keeps working on the knee and even gets a leg/ankle lock.

Melina gets up on the apron and down she goes thanks to Nitro which gets a rollup for Hardy for two. She can however take her boot off and apply it to the face of Hardy to make sure Nitro wins. Ross gets in a sl** jab at her which is rather amusing for some reason.

Rating: B-. Competitive but this went nearly 20 minutes which is a very long time for these two. It’s pretty good but for some reason it just never clicked. The ending is fine though as it’s basic heel stuff which never gets old. What more can you ask for in a match as far as basic face vs. basic heel stuff? Solid, Cruiserweight style stuff which is a good idea.

Marine stuff, which wasn’t a bad movie.

Matt gives Jeff a pep talk and Lita shows up and insults occur.

Kane vs. Umaga

Oh yay. It’s this match again. They claim this is Umaga’s PPV debut. That’s idiotic as he had been at Backlash, 4 months before this. I was kind of there so I think I’d know. Estrada is annoying which is the idea so he’s got that right at least. The introduction takes about 5 minutes. Who would guess that Kane would win the world title before Umaga would?

Kane punches him back into the corner to start and it’s a slugout. Big boot to the face does almost nothing and then Kane sits up after a kick from Umaga. Some Estrada interference lets Umaga take over, which sucks because I was enjoying the whole neither can do anything at all. King compares this to Godzilla vs. Mothra, because both of them resemble large butterflies.

The running flying hip smash connects and Kane is reeling. And of course such a high impact move is followed up by a thumb to the throat, which is SO DEVASTATING! It appears that all Kane can do is punch. Him vs. Rocky Balboa could be amusing. A flying thumb to the head misses from the middle rope. I do enjoy that flying clothesline from Kane. Then again I like Kane in general so there you are.

Chokeslam is started but almost blocked. More striking and then Kane hits a belly to belly (!) over the top to the floor and they head into the crowd. I think you can put the rest together for yourselves. The brawl keeps going, resulting in absolutely no conclusion at all. They brawl into the set and go through a door in it, ticking off the crowd immensely.

Rating: D+. Kane didn’t care at all at this point and can you blame him? He had no reason to as he knew he wasn’t getting elevated at all no matter what he did. He was stuck in these dead end feuds with random people that meant nothing such as this one. Umaga would go on to fight Cena for the world title in a few months while Kane just did hims thing over and over again. He’s a company man, you have to give him that.

We go to Vince in the back who is watching a tape of him hitting and then pinning HHH on Raw. He and Shane want to destroy DX which they’ve been trying to do all summer now. The idea is that Vince does nothing but gets to do the pin.

Raw Tag Titles: Spirit Squad vs. Highlanders

The Highlanders were really funny in their vignettes and then debuted to a nice reaction. This is more or less the peak of their importance. Rory (the other is Robbie) looks like Mad Dog Vachon from a facial hair perspective. Imagine Scottish Bushwackers. That sums them up pretty well. Kenny and Mikey are the Squad members here today. All Highlanders so far.

This really isn’t much of a match as you can more or less feel the screwy ending coming soon. Robbie misses a dive and the three other guys beat up Robbie to take over. Crowd is DEAD. The top rope legdrop from Kenny misses as this needs to end like now. Rory gets the hot tag which is lacking heat and hits his finisher on Mikey. After a save Johnny kicks Rory in the head and an X Factor (by the beard no less) ends it.

Rating: D. And so what? That’s what I was thinking when this match ended: so what. Who cares that the Spirit Squad has ANOTHER win using the same stuff they’ve used every time? It’s just not an interesting dynamic for this long, and then at the end of the day Piper and Flair wound up taking the titles from them. That’s the best they could do? This division was long since dead at this point and that was very clear.

We recap the Vince vs. DX feud which went on forever and was pretty badly received. It just kept going and stupid stuff that DX was doing was “breaking” Vince. Steve Austin kidnapped Vince, destroyed his car and threatened to shoot him and Vince never broke. And yet this is enough to get us to a Cell match?

Big Show/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. Degeneration X

Does anyone else have an issue with Vince and Shane and even Show being in a Cell match? Does that just not fit right with anyone besides me? Show is ECW Champion at this point. This is a different kind of cell too as it’s not as wide but taller. Maybe it is as wide. Double low blow immediately on Show and DX takes over. I have a feeling this could go on for a very long time.

Shane gets launched into the cage as HHH beats up his father in law. Shane is busted open already. Show’s balls must be throbbing since he’s still down. All DX so far as Vince gets his face grated over the cage which is a great spot as it’s painful looking and draws blood too. You can’t beat that. Show is back up and HHH does his jump over the top in the corner which always looks good.

Shawn hits a dive but it gets caught. I love power spots like that. How can you fake catching a grown man like that when he’s launching himself down at you? HHH drops a knee on Vince and it CLEARLY misses by at least 4 inches. Vince not moving an inch didn’t help things. Really bad camera shot there as it totally exposed everything. It looked fine to the live fans I guess, but terrible from a TV perspective.

Apparently HHH has a bad ear, which is a rare injury. Vince is bleeding and Shawn goes into the cage. Things have slowed down a lot here. JR calls the fence a javelin catcher. Where does he get some of this stuff? The weapons are brought in, starting with a trashcan. Coast to Coast hits HHH and DX is more or less dead.

Shawn is brought back in and Vince gets to punch on him a bit. Shane hits a slingshot on HHH to launch him into the cage. Vader Bomb to Shawn from Show. Vince picks him up though and then does it again. You imbecile. HHH comes back after a decent rest and it’s low blows for everyone. From out of nowhere Shane gets a torture rack of all things into a neckbreaker on HHH.

Everyone is down until a SICK enziguri takes out Shane again. Vince of course lowers his pants to try to get Shawn to kiss up to him. HHH makes a save but too much Big Show stops that. Shawn manages to avoid a splash with a nip up and Vince takes it. DX takes out Show with a bunch of low blows and here’s the big comeback. They do all their favorites and HHH gets some chairs from under the ring.

They Pillmanize Shane’s neck which would have killed him in kayfabe but whatever. Show comes back to stop the kick as this is going too long. Actually it isn’t as the length is helping to a degree. Chairs and steps plus chin music take Show out again. Vince is all that’s left so DX pulls down Show’s shorts. You know what’s coming. There doesn’t appear to be a thong either. You can’t say he won’t do whatever it takes for his company.

HHH busts out a sledgehammer just for fun. Superkick hits and HHH breaks the hammer over Vince. So between that and attempting to murder Shane, how many years in prison is that for them? Pin is academic. Shane is taken out on a stretcher, as is Vince, which gets cheers. I’ll give them this: that’s how you END a feud.

Rating: C+. It was entertaining, but this just didn’t feel like it belonged in a Cell. If there hadn’t been so many people it would have fit in a regular cage better. This wasn’t bad, but it just doesn’t measure up to everything else. The comedy thing hurts the whole pain part a lot. This was a good match, but after the attempted murder, cheering them is kind of hard. It’s ok but it doesn’t work if that makes sense.

The post match stuff takes like five minutes.

Mania is in Detroit.

We get a package on Trish, as her retirement match is next. It’s her hometown, so what do you really think is going to happen? If nothing else the highlight reel of her hotness is nice. The story is that Trish wasn’t going to announce the retirement but Lita told WWE.com so that Trish couldn’t have her moment, which is different if nothing else.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

If she’s going to go, this is how you do it: in your hometown against your rival for the title. Both of their theme songs freaking rock. Lita is announced from Atlanta which sounds weird. LOUD Thank You Trish chant before the music even hits. She gets the loudest pop for a Diva ever, period. This really is a cool moment and her stumbling up the steps is awesome too.

Lita gets booed out of the building and I had to grab my headphones to get the loudness out of my ears when Trish went on offense. Thesz Press off the apron to Lita and I can’t get over how hot this crowd is for this. I know it’s a big deal but DANG they’re loud for it. They changed the mat during the video package so that the blood is gone, which is nice since the stains on the mat get annoying later on.

Lita’s looks never worked that well with bangs. In a cool spot, Lita blocks the headscissors out of the corner and Trish winds up sitting on Lita’s lap in the corner as they punch each other. Never seen that before. They fight even more on the top and Trish goes to the mat. Moonsault misses and the Stratusfaction is missed too. A fan at ringside actually asks Trish to marry him as she’s down. Well he’s certainly trying.

Trish is in trouble as they actually tease her losing here. That’s rather amusing. JR mentions she’ll be in the Hall of Fame, which better be true. If she’s not they might as well close off any other Divas. They slug it out which is something these two can actually make believable, which isn’t often said of the ladies. BIG old kick to the head of Lita gets two.

Sweet move by Trish as Stratusfaction is reversed but Trish twists PERFECTLY in midair into a sunset flip. The sunset flip part isn’t great but the twist was nice. It gets two, but Trish gets the FREAKING SHARPSHOOTER and the crowd absolutely loses it. Lita almost gets the rope but Trish drags her back to the middle for the tap and the title.

Rating: A. This wasn’t for the match, although it was good. This was about a last moment, and I’d love to hear a way to go out that is better than this. In her hometown, using the most famous move in the history of the country, she beat her archrival and broke the record for most Women’s Championship ever. That is what you call epic. Good match too, but that’s expected from these two. Crowd was awesome too.

Everyone gives Trish an ovation, including Lillian, Jim and Jerry. Lita would retire in like 3 months, killing the division once and for all.

There’s a season premiere of Smackdown. I think that was the Friday debut.

Orton is in the back and gets a mixed reaction, even though he’s a heel here. He says no one cares about her retirement unless you’re Canadian. Orton REALLY can’t talk yet here and it shows badly. He has Carlito next. Odd interview and not in a good way.

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

I still like Burn in My Light better than Voices. This is more or less the apex of Carlito’s WWE push. Standard stuff to start which is fine. Randy takes over and we get an RKO chant. I love Canadian crowds. So much for that Randy takes over aspect as Carlito hits some nice springboard splashes. Both guys have nice dropkicks also. Orton’s mouth is busted, which today would bring a match to a screeching halt.

It’s chinlock time, which was more prevalent back in the day if you can believe that. Carlito hits a Downward Spiral which is a required move in this company I think. RKO is countered into the Backcracker and is told they have two minutes left. To end it, Carlito does a double springboard into a spinning clothesline. It doesn’t hit though as Orton pulls him into the RKO in a SWEET counter. Awesome ending to a bad match.

Rating: D+. This was rather boring. It’s nothing great at all as the whole thing was about the ending. Carlito was a rather odd worker as he had such a different style but it just never clicked for more than like one match in a row. This was rather short and didn’t really ever get off the ground, but after the long celebration with Trish they’re likely short on time.

We recap Edge vs. Cena, which is happening because Cena wants the title. The idea is if Cena loses here to Edge in Edge’s hometown then he goes to Smackdown for three years. There’s also a new belt here as Edge threw the spinner belt in the water. He has a new spinner with an R on it. This gets the music video treatment. Oh and Cena’s dad got beaten up by Edge.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Oh and it’s TLC. Let the Vince hardon begin. No coat for Edge here which is weird. BIG pop for Edge. I really want to see him as a face again. It might have helped to have him be a face for more than like two months or give him more than just shouting SPEAR over and over again. They start booing before Cena’s music even hits. Nuclear heat on Cena.

I love having the ladder and chair set up on the tables around the ring. That’s always a perk for some reason. Cena just being a two time champion is great. You can barely understand Lillian over the pop for Edge. Ross makes a good point and asks what Buddy Rogers would think of a TLC match. I’d counter with what would he think of the belt that spins with a big R on it.

LOUD booing for a simple headlock. This crowd is awesome. Impaler hits but since it’s not 2000 anymore that move is just average. I’ve never gotten that: how can a move like that just lose its power? Cena goes into some chairs and Edge is loudly cheered. You’ll get used to that tonight. Ladder time as Edge is mostly dominant. I’m getting tired of me saying things and then them changing immediately. A hip toss puts Edge onto a ladder and the American takes over.

It has always confused me a bit how people always talk about experience in these kinds of matches. How much experience do you need to climb a ladder? Sunset powerbomb through the table is kind of botched as the table isn’t there so they hit mat instead of table. A powerslam does it instead. These matches are hard to review as you kind of always wind up just listing off spots and it gets rather repetitive.

Edge runs up the ladder and hits a dive over the top to take out Cena which looked awesome. One man Conchairto is avoided by Cena, resulting in the cheering from fans over the lack of massive head trauma. STFU with Edge inside a ladder, which actually would hurt which is nicer than the figure four around the leg which wouldn’t really add a lot of pain I don’t think.

Cena hits an FU on the ladder. As in the ladder was across his shoulder and landed on Edge who was on the mat. Edge takes over again and sets Cena on a table then sets up another table on top of that. Nothing happens with it though, so I’d bet on that being the big finish. The BIG ladder is brought out and Edge is down, so Cena has to inch up the ladder.

SPEAR to take Cena off the ladder. It’s not quite the one to Hardy but it’s not bad at all. They fight over big spots near the ladder and Edge hits the floor. Cena almost gets the belt but Lita makes the save and Cena takes a big old fall to the floor and through a table. Lita messes up though and causes Edge to go flying through a table as well. FU to Lita and it’s time for Miley Cyrus’ big song from last year.

The double stack table is set up again but for no apparent reason at all as Edge is down on the floor and Cena is capable of climbing. Both guys on are the ladder and in a fairly famous visual now, Edge takes the FU off the ladder through two tables. Cena grabs the belt, which he would hold for the next full year plus.

Rating: B. I thought a higher grade at first but this feels more right. It’s definitely a good match and worthy of being a PPV main event, but it just feels kind of anti-climactic. Cena defies the odds again and wins the title? It’s not bad or anything but it just lacks that spark I guess you would say. Very intense match though with some very nice big bumps. This is worth checking out.

Overall Rating: B. It’s definitely a good show and the two huge matches are definitely a good way to sell the show. This has some issues with it but for the most part it’s good. Trish’s moment is probably the highlight of the show actually but the whole comedy spot in the Cell match just stopped that one dead. It’s worth seeing and is definitely entertaining but not a classic or anything. I’d consider this a good popcorn show if that makes sense.

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One Night Stand 2008
Date: June 1, 2008
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 9,961
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle, Tazz

 

We round out this short series with the 2008 edition. The main event here is Edge vs. Taker in a TLC match for the vacant Smackdown Title. The boys in red have HHH vs. Orton in I think their first or second last man standing match. This is basically Extreme Rules which is what the show would be renamed the next year. Oh and Batista and Shawn have a stretcher match that had a big hand in moving Shawn vs. Jericho forward. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video talks about how there is a night for rules and a night for restraint. This is not that night. It runs down the main matches which is about what an opening video is supposed to do.

 

JR sounds so bored being here it’s unreal.

 

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

 

Falls count anywhere. Jeff is in his whole chasing the brass ring phase here as he would be for most of 2008. Hardy charges straight at him….and down he goes. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two. It’s as fast as it sounds. Jeff jumps into a spinning release Rock Bottom (called a Black Hole Slam by JR) but is fine a few seconds later, hitting a plancha to the floor for two.

 

Into the crowd we go as Umaga sends Jeff flying to various places. Jeff finds a weapon in the form of a hollow traffic barrel which he chucks at Umaga’s head. Thankfully Umaga has studied his stereotypes and kicks Jeff in the face for two. Good boy. Umaga misses a charge into an anvil case and Jeff finds a fire extinguisher….which he can’t get to work. Finally he gets a shot off and Youmanga is staggered.

 

They’re in the back now and head into a stairwell where Jeff slides down the railing like you would see a little kid do, ramming into Umaga for two. To be fair that’s something that actually was logical so I can’t fault him there. Out into the concourse with Umaga getting two after throwing Jeff into a garbage can. They go outside and it’s all Samoan fat man. Jeff is rammed into a backhoe or something like that for two.

 

Basically the idea here is Hardy gets thrown into random objects before he can find something to jump off. They fight up to the production truck and Hardy hammers away which actually works to an extent. It’s kind of weird seeing a blue sky like that behind them. They climb a truck with Shawn’s face on it and Jeff kicks him off before hitting a huge Swanton onto an unseen Umaga for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Just a hardcore match here which was designed to set up the big spot at the end and give Hardy a win. Nothing wrong with that but there was nothing particularly great here at all. Umaga was a guy that you can only do so much with and Jeff wasn’t the kind of guy that could do something like that, which isn’t his fault. Not bad, but nothing great at all.

 

From earlier today we see Foley giving us a preview of the stretcher match. By preview I mean he explains the rules and says the stretcher can be used as a weapon. I have absolutely no idea what the point to this was.

 

Shawne Merriman is here.

 

We kind of recap the Singapore Cane on a Pole match for a shot at Kane at the next PPV for the ECW Title. In short, Show has dominated all of the other four people in this.

 

Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Tommy Dreamer

 

Ok so there’s a pole with a cane on each corner and the winner gets Kane next month at Night of Champions. You win via pinfall. Punk is Mr. MITB again. Dreamer is in white tights here. That’s uh….different. Miz and Morrison are tag champions here as is their custom. I’m not even sure how many of these people are on ECW at this point. There’s the bell and while everyone jumps Show, Morrison tries to go up. This fails miserably and Show throws people around for a bit.

 

Punk finally gets in enough shots to get Show down. Chavo adds a frog splash and everyone goes up and gets a cane to beat Show down as well as they can, actually knocking him to the floor. Chavo accidentally hits Shawne Merriman with a cane so Punk slingshots Chavo onto the table. Merriman says let me hit him so Punk tosses him a cane for a good shot.

 

Show is back up and kills Morrison with a cane shot. Miz is here now and does just about as well. Show picks up the steps to crush Miz with but Morrison gets a shot in to save his buddy. Dreamer takes over in the ring and hits a pumphandle suplex with the cane to Morrison. We get a Texas Cloverleaf to Punk but Morrison makes the save. Show’s eye is cut.

 

Chavo reverses a superplex from Morrison so Punk tries one on him, only to allow Morrison to pop up and get a Tower of Doom, crushing Dreamer in the process. And here comes Show with blood around his eyes. Whoa whoa WHOA. There’s a freaking trashcan full of Singapore canes at ringside. THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE FREAKING POLES??? Show uses like 10 of them to destroy everyone and a chokeslam kills Dreamer. A big shot with the cane ends him and Show gets Kane at the next PPV which Mark Henry would also be added to.

 

Rating: D. I didn’t like this for a few reasons. It was just an excuse to fill in time before Show killed everyone which is understandable I guess. However, the trashcan of canes defeated the entire purpose of the poles. It wasn’t a good match in the first place as guys like Punk are made to look weak compared to Show, which is understandable but dude, what was the point of the poles? This didn’t work at all for me.

 

Vince’s One Million Dollar Giveaway starts tomorrow.

 

Todd Grisham talks to Vince and it’s not a stunt apparently. Also it’s called McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania. Simmons pops up after Vince says WWE employees aren’t eligible. No idea why he was there but whatever.

 

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

No recap for this one but these two feuded forever so there isn’t much of an explanation needed. It’s first blood here. This is the slimmed down JBL which is always kind of a weird look for him. JBL instantly takes off a turnbuckle as does Cena. They have big pads in there which is a new one on me. They slug it out to start with Bradshaw taking over early. Big boot misses and here comes Cena.

 

We’re on the floor inside 90 seconds and back in the ring inside 95 seconds. That was rather pointless but whatever. Fans way against Cena here. Cena gets thrown to the floor as the kids chant for him. Back in the ring and this is far more of a brawl than a match. JBL has a glove or tape or something on his right hand. Into the aisle and JBL rakes Cena’s face against the metal barrier (not the padded one).

 

Chair is brought in but JBL misses a chair shot to Cena’s head with it against the post. Instead Bradshaw settles for what I think was the mic and Cena is down. Yes it was the mic and back in the ring JBL adds some more shots with it. Cena fights back with his usual ending sequence but the FU is countered and both guys go down. A shot to the post doesn’t make Cena bleed so here are some steps.

 

Those miss also as JBL threw them for some reason. DDT onto the steps doesn’t work and JBL is down again. The padded end of the mic to JBL’s head amazingly doesn’t draw blood. Cena’s major was exercise physiology and not common sense so that makes sense I guess. Back in the ring Cena can’t hit a chair shot so JBL sends him into one of the exposed buckles for no blood.

 

Cena hits a bulldog onto the chair which doesn’t work. JBL goes over to his towel and finds a chain which goes into Cena’s ribs. FU out of nowhere puts JBL down which doesn’t really do anything other than slow him down. JBL slowly gets up and hits a big boot to tie Cena’s arms up in the ropes. His newest idea: a bullwhip. And never mind as Cena kicks him in the balls and puts on the STFU with the chain for the fastest bleeding from the mouth you will EVER see. Ending was awful, as was most of the match.

 

Rating: D+. I didn’t like this at all for the most part. The problem with first blood is that for the most part it’s a total of one move that means anything for the entire match. Also, this feud is straight up played out. They seem almost incapable of having a good match and this is just the latest example of it. Nothing to see here and way too long as it was 15 minutes of big move, no blood, big move, no blood etc. At least it ended here though.

 

Night of Champions is coming.

 

Orton suggests that he and Batista restart Evolution. Batista walks away.

 

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

 

Recaps? Context? Point to the match? Who needs those stupid things? This is an I Quit match. We get a clip from Judgment Day of Beth hitting a double backbreaker on Melina and Mickie at the same time which is rather awesome. Dang it’s fun to watch Melina gyrate. Beth backs her into the ropes immediately to intimidate her so Melina grabs a guillotine choke of all things and Beth is in trouble early.

 

Beth easily counters out of it but it was working for awhile. Backbreaker gives Beth control and a bow and arrow has Melina in trouble. Something resembling a face jam/tornado DDT to Beth sets up an Indian Deathlock with a bridge which is always awesome looking. Beth crawls to the floor because ropes mean nothing. That looked pretty cool at least. Over the shoulder backbreaker has Melina in trouble as there is no flow to this match at all.

 

The fans want Chyna which should tell you how uninteresting this is. JR and King kind of shut up for a bit as Beth puts on a chinlock. Melina manages to send her into the middle buckle and Beth’s shoulder hits the post a bit later. Headscissors sets up an armbar, almost like La Mistica. Cross Armbreaker goes on as the crowd flat out does not care. Off to an arm choke but Beth is like screw that and hits a powerbomb to break it. Seated double chickenwing goes on and Melina looks like she’s about to cry. Beth then grabs the chin and pulls back to the point where Melina’s head is touching her own feet and that’s it.

 

Rating: D+. Another ridiculously boring match but at least Beth was hot. Seriously, other than that there was next to nothing going on here. Also, Divas don’t need ten minutes because it doesn’t take that long to go buy a Coke. Pretty weak match overall and nothing special in the slightest.

 

Cena is with the doctor and Mickie comes in. They were doing a weird romance thing at the time and Mickie suggests trying some submissions later tonight. Adamle comes in to ruin it because that’s just what he does. He has friends he’s hanging out with later and suggests they go to Tijuana with them. Adamle gives Cena some of JBL’s energy drink and they suggest submissions they could try such as a rear naked choke or a head scissors. Ok then.

 

The fans think Shawn will win the stretcher match.

 

We recap Shawn vs. Batista which is a way too long and way too intricate story. At Backlash Shawn faked a knee injury (allegedly but they kept changing it from fake to real) to beat Batista. This led to Jericho getting in Shawn’s face which led to their feud down the road. Batista said he hoped it was real so Jericho called him out on it. Shawn said he was faking and then Jericho didn’t believe him. Batista is now all ticked off over it. This is somehow connected to Shawn retiring Flair which isn’t mentioned here at all but whatever.

 

Batista vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Stretcher match. Shawn charges at him and things go badly for HBK off that. Out to the floor and Batista drops Shawn onto the stretcher. Shawn sends him into the steps as we’re in the hardcore version of feeling out I guess. The fans seem to be completely behind Shawn here. Foley tries to convince us that Batista is all nervous because this is such a big match. I guess the third biggest match on One Night Stand pales in comparison to the main event of Wrestlemania?

 

Shawn rams the stretcher into Batista and puts the pad back on so he can do it again. Uh….ok? Batista tries to grab a Batista Bomb on the floor but Shawn counters into a guillotine choke. I don’t get why they keep trying to do the stretcher stuff at ringside. Couldn’t you push the stretcher past the finish line and then just put them on the stretcher to win? The choke lets them go up the aisle a bit but Big Dave fights him off to escape.

 

Batista works over the back now as we head back into the ring. Powerslam hits but Shawn avoids a spear to send Batista into the post. Foley is treating this match like it’s bigger and more brutal than the Cell. It’s a fighting match but at the same time, it’s not exactly you vs. HHH at the 2000 Rumble dude. Shawn gets the big elbow but his back is hurt. Sweet Chin Music is countered by a clothesline but Shawn counters the Bomb and hits the kick to send Batista through the ropes onto the stretcher.

 

Dave fights him off though and we’re still not ready to go towards the finish line. Batista takes a stretcher to the ribs but he blocks another attempt at it. They get in something resembling a tug of war over it and the stretcher goes into Shawn a few times to give Batista momentum again. Back into the ring because that’s where this is supposed to go right?

 

Foley again overdoes it by saying that it was all evil for Batista to use the stretcher as a weapon. Why is that evil again in a match with limited rules? Back in the ring it’s a spear and Batista Bomb to have Shawn more or less dead. Batista puts him on the stretcher and here’s Jericho to give Shawn a pep talk or something for no apparent reason. Batista just kind of sits back and watches and is like “yeah sure I’ll let one of the best ever get a breather when I had him dead.”

 

For no apparent reason Batista puts him back into the ring again and Shawn does the whole dramatic attempt to pull himself up using Batista. He shoves Batista away (more like slapping his chest) and lifts his leg into the ribs for what was supposed to be Sweet Chin Music. Batista just stands there as Shawn collapses. He actually says “I’m not sorry, I don’t love you” and another Batista Bomb looks to end it. Jericho stops it AGAIN and Shawn falls off the stretcher. Batista gets the steps and a spinebuster onto them is enough to finally end this.

 

Rating: C. I have no idea what they were going for here. At various times it felt like a soap opera, a revenge match, a weird Rocky style of match and a big brutal war. The problem is it never got very good at any of those things and the whole thing is pretty much a mess. It’s not awful I guess but I fail to see what the stretcher did or what Jericho did here. Very weird match indeed and really hard to say if it was good or bad.

 

We recap Orton vs. HHH. HHH got the title back at Backlash and this is the second rematch. Even the buildup package for this seems boring. This is their second last man standing match apparently.

 

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

 

The entrances take forever of course. Big match intros waste more time. There’s the bell and let’s stand around a little bit more. HHH sends him into the steps shoulder first. Back in and HHH hammers away even more. The shoulder is sent into the post twice as this has been 100% HHH domination so far.

 

Orton mostly hits the dropkick to take HHH down but Orton can’t follow up due to being beaten on for about three minutes in a row. HHH casually sends him to the floor and Orton can barely move. Over to the tables and it’s ECW instead of the Spanish one, namely due to there not being a Spanish one. Pedigree is blocked into an RKO attempt but HHH fights it off. Orton grabs the elevated DDT off the table to put HHH down for the first time.

 

We go really old school as Orton peels back the mats on the floor. HHH shoves the RKO attempt off and the shoulder goes into the post again. Back in a big shot to the back of HHH’s head gets seven and Orton brings in the steps. Here’s an extension cord as it’s time to choke the Game out. HHH gets up at 8 so Orton charges for the RKO. Orton gets thrown over the top rope and there goes his collarbone. He wouldn’t wrestle again for about 7 weeks.

 

HHH, ever the nice guy, keeps hammering away. Hey if he can take a Liontamer on a table then Orton can take this. HHH grabs the sledgehammer and pops Orton right in the head with it. Naturally that’s it and to be fair, this probably was supposed to be WAY longer if not for the injury. A 15 minute main event for Raw is a bit short to say the least. Not Orton or HHH’s fault mind you, just a fact.

 

Rating: C+. Match was just ok but like I said it was missing the last act which isn’t their fault. Orton and HHH can’t seem to have that classic for one reason or another and here it wasn’t because of the lack of chemistry. The problem is that with this being the second of three last man standing matches they’ve had, how interested can you really get into it? Nothing special here but not bad I guess.

 

Replays show that he landed right on the shoulder when he went over the top.

 

Night of Champions is still the next PPV. It’s not like Uprising or Bragging Rights or Vengeance or whatever it’s called at the moment.

 

Orton gets taken out minus a stretcher to applause. Oh yeah you can see how different the left side of his body looks compared to his right. It’s clearly a bad injury.

 

We recap Taker vs. Edge for the vacant title. Taker had to vacate the title because of using the Hell’s Gate so he and Edge had a match at Judgment Day which Taker won via countout. Since you can’t win that way, Vickie made this a TLC match for the title and if Taker loses he’s gone FOREVER.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

 

TLC match remember. Edge’s eyes during Taker’s entrance are awesome. Taker goes straight for him and Edge is in trouble to start. He pounds away as we’re just killing time before we go for the crazy stuff. Old School hits about 80 seconds in and a big boot puts Edge down. Here’s our first ladder but Edge hits a baseball slide into it to send it into Taker and back down to the floor.

 

Edge stacks up a pair of tables but Taker gets in a ladder shot to break that up. Cole points out the stupidity of Vickie saying that the title can only be won by pin or submission so she makes a match where you don’t win by pin or submission. Taker loads up two more tables so there are four in a two by two setup. Edge takes him down but can’t make the climb as Taker drills him off the ladder.

 

Snake Eyes into the ladder is countered and Edge this the floor again. This is a rather slow paced match so far but they have a ton of time so it’s not like they have to hurry or anything. Taker goes up but Edge makes the stop, sending Taker off the ladder and into another ladder that was laid across the buckle. Snake Eyes onto the ladder on the other corner is followed by a boot to the ladder to Edge in the corner.

 

Out to the floor and we get our first chair brought in. Isn’t it amazing that in a regular match a chair shot is enough to end anyone but here like 10 of them just slow people down? Taker tries his leg drop on the apron but Edge gets a chair up to block it. Last Ride to a ladder bridged between the ring and the barricade is blocked due to it would kill Edge. Chair to the head takes Taker down. Good thing Edge retired or he’d have a big penalty for that.

 

There’s another chair to the head and Taker is more or less done. Edge puts him on a table in front of the announce table and splashes Taker through it. That isn’t enough to keep Taker down so a spear in the ring sets up the ladder being crushed around Taker’s leg. Conchairto to the ladder to Taker’s knee. Edge brings in the required big ladder and bashes Taker’s head in two more times with a chair.

 

Edge, the (Dusty) Rhodes Scholar that he is, goes to the floor instead of climbing up the already set ladder. He wants a Conchairto but Taker gets a low blow to break it up. Chokeslam to the ladder bridge half kills Edge but Hawkins and Ryder come out to stop Taker from getting the title. They set up a double table spot, as in Taker is on a table and they put one on top of that. Taker fights out of it though and sends Hawkins off the top with a chokeslam to the floor. Ryder takes the same but Edge is back up now.

 

A spear sends Taker to the barrier and Edge….puts another table on top of the one Taker was on a second ago before he goes up. Why in the world would he do that? Taker makes the stop though and it’s a Last Ride for Edge through the two tables in the corner. The tables slowed it WAY down though. So that’s why Edge did it: because the spot they had planned called for it. So noted.

 

Taker goes up again but Bam Neeley (remember him?) and Chavo come out this time. They stomp away but can’t hit a Conchairto. It’s a chair shot to the head for each of them so Taker moves the ladder a few feet over because when it was under the belt it wasn’t in the proper position for the big spot of the match. Taker goes up, so far away from the belt that he couldn’t reach it with a three foot pole. Edge shoves the ladder over and Taker goes through the four tables. He climbs up and Edge is champion while Taker is “retired”.

 

Rating: B. Well this was good but when the two major spots of the match were THAT stupid looking it brings this down a few notches. Taker would of course be back in like two months at the longest as he took the title from Edge in the Cell at Summerslam. Either way, not too shabby here but TLC has been done far better than this before. Taker was game though, which helped a lot.

 

Taker gets the big slow walk to the back to a standing ovation.

 

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen but at the same time there was just no real point to a lot of this being gimmicked. Some of the stuff was good but dude, did ANYONE believe that Taker would be gone after a match at One Night Stand, a B/C level show? Not a terrible show, but there was no real need for both this show and Judgment Day. Combine those shows and it’s much, much stronger.

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